Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S7 EP44: "Pectus Infectio"

Episode Date: December 22, 2023

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... Have a wonderful Christmas and festive season everyone!! Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with really can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe.

Yay. There we go. Is that our first Glaswegians? Yeah, I don't know if it's our first. But it's Glasgow, yeah? It's Glasgow, yeah. Gosh, are you that good at telling different Scottish accents? Do you know what it is?

Kevin Bridges. I feel like I've said I'm good at this game, yeah, and I've not proved it, but I think I was just too het up. It's heading towards Christmas. I'm finished for Christmas. We're recording this at 8 a.m. For no reason, we've just found out. Unbelievable.

8 a.m. on Wednesday, the 20th of December. I thought you needed to do it early for something. You don't. You thought I needed to do it early for something. I don't. You thought I needed to do it early for something. I don't. Michael certainly didn't need to do it this early. He thought it was us. So we're all awake at 8 a.m.

and we're listening to Glaswegian say our name. Welcome to the show. Oh, let's find out about the people as well. Rudy. Rudy. I think it's spelt R-U-A-R-I-D-H. I don't think that. Pardon?

She said Rudy, didn't she? Let's just listen again. Let's just listen again. Go on. Rudy, can you? Yeah, it's Rudy. Rudy, Rudy, can you say Josh Widdicombe? R-U-A-R-I-D-H.

Is that a Celtic name? I started listening to the podcast in the early days of maternity leave in 2021. Josh Widdicombe. R-U-A-R-I-D-H. Is that a Celtic name? I started listening to the podcast in the early days of maternity leave in 2021 and have been hooked since. I like to pass on tips to friends from the podcast saying I heard this in a parenting podcast I listen to. Then realize it makes me sound like I'm a more logical parenting than I actually am. So I have to confirm it's actually a comedy podcast. Yeah, I'd say it's primarily a comedy podcast.

Well, no, no. I'd say we primarily attempt to make it a comedy podcast i'd argue that the listener decides yeah how's it spelled again r u a d i d h oh she's actually in ballack in brackets 40 minute drive from glasgow it's glasgow isn't it right on the bonnie bonnie banks of loch lomond can you tell me that spelling again i'm gonna find out i'm guessing it's gated r't it? Right, come on. On the bonny, bonny banks of Loch Lomond. Can you tell me that spelling again? I'm going to find out. I'm guessing it's G-A-D-H. R-U-A-R. R-U-A-R.

I-D-H. I-D-H. Right, okay. Yeah, there's a few, actually. There's a couple of rugby players of it. It's an anglicization. Anglicization? Anglicization. Yeah.

How did you get that and you're not reading it? Of the Irish, Rurari, Rudari, and Scottish Gaelic. It's pretty Scottish, actually. It's pretty Scottish. Who knew? I'm glad you checked. That's really Scottish, actually. Rob.

Yeah, go on. I've had the worst start to the Christmas holidays since the year I got COVID. No. Talk to me. How can it be that bad? It's been a fucking shocker from moment one. Okay, go on. Talk me through it because I hit you with two episodes in a row of my life.

I've written down, this is fucking madness. A bit of light before that. Is everyone healthy and safe? Yes. Okay. Were they all healthy? I know healthy i wasn't healthy at one point yeah i know that you've got pre-existing stuff i'm talking about new things pre-existing stuff's the stuff that can kill you well yeah anything could kill you really can't it as you might see okay a bit of light first. Oh, come on. My daughter and her friend came round. Yeah. Incredibly wanted to go to the park. I couldn't believe it.

So your daughter's friend came round. She still lives with you, doesn't she? It's not been that long. Nice to see my daughter. She come round to the new flat. Yeah, when I set her up in a bag Christmas. Can't get my electric connected. I've got no Wi-Fi.

Rose has left me, but apart from that, my 4G should manage on this call. 8am is fine for me, actually, because I've got nothing to do today. I've been up all night crying. I keep playing rave music until about 7am, so I can just crack straight back on there and then it'll get me 8 hours, so pretty good for me, actually.

We went to the park and they were doing the fireman's pole. No, no. You know, you get a fireman's pole in a park. Oh, right, like as part of the play area, yeah. Yeah, and my daughter and friend came up to me because I was looking after my son away from them. Yeah. And they said, do you want to come and watch us do our pole show?

And what was the pole show? Just slide it down. It wasn't exotic. No. I'll tell you what my daughter said in Whack-A-Mummers, out loud. She's quite loud, my youngest. At the top of her voice, she's trying to do chopsticks.

And she went, how do chopsticks yeah and she went how do chinese people do this that's not bad but it felt so bad i felt like it's actually a japanese restaurant but yes correct chinese people do use chopsticks as well how do the chinese people do this. Sorry, go. Okay, I'll go from the start. Go on. Start of the holiday. We were flying into it, Rob. Middle last week, yeah, when school was breaking up.

Also, you had to stress the week because you had to host last leg because Adam Hills. This is when it all starts. This is when it all starts, Rob. Okay. Tuesday, Christmas show, incredible. Incredible? I'm not over no no here's the key question would you have watched if your child wasn't in it i think that would be a weird arrestable offense no no forget that there's no suspicion

you're there as a lover of theater i I wouldn't have gone to the West End. No. But what I would say in its defence, because they were doing some real Christmas classics. At the end of the day, if you like Mariah Carey, you like Mariah Carey at the end of the day. Fair enough. Okay, fair enough.

By the way, if there's noise in the background, it's Lou trying to get the kids ready to go to... No, no, it's all good. Look at me trying to not get caught talking about Lou. So this is Lou's plan this week, because I've got little bits of Bob's work, is to get them out the house early and exhaust them, then bring them back, and then they can land the sofa and watch telly.

So she booked soft play for 9.15am. But I don't know if that's mental, but also it would be empty. But currently it's quarter past eight, she's trying to get them ready for it. So if there's noise, apologies. So once again, us going 8am was even. was even more fucking insane. Mental. Absolutely mental.

If I'd done it at 9 a.m., it would have been silent. And I could have helped to get them ready. This is absolutely... I'd take the worst hour of the day for me to do this. But we're here now. Right. It's Wednesday. It's Wednesday the 13th.

It's the Christmas fate. Lovely. I spoke to you at the Christmas fate on the phone, didn't I? Yeah. We can talk about that if you want. So the Christmas Fate. Lovely. I spoke to you at the Christmas Fate on the phone, didn't I? Yeah. We can talk about that if you want. So the Christmas Fate, I was on the Guess the Weight of the Bag stall. Right.

There's a bag. East London, what is it? Gram? Two grams? An eighth? No, it was a bag of 200 quid's worth of stuff. And then for the kids, how many sweets in the box? Classic.

And guess the name of the elf. Right, so a lot of admin for that. You just take names and details. It's sort of like a census almost. Rob, most people would be doing admin, mate. Something came over me. Go on. I was like the star on the first week of The Apprentice.

You was getting people to the store and you was giving it to them. It was fucking incredible. I was like, mate, you look like the kind of person who wants to guess the weight of a bag. Oh, mate, you'd want to win 200 quid for stuff. Then I went rogue. Yeah. Once there wasn't people around our store,

I was walking around the fake bringing people to our store. Oh, you're soliciting. My dad runs a store in Tottenham Market, Rob. Yeah. I've got the gift of the gab, it turns out. Really? Who would have thought? Any other, like, turns of fact?

Was he doing, like, Tom Skinner's chat bosh at the end and stuff? Well, I was all like, it's three quid in, you win 200 quid. And also, I bet you're giving it a bit like, you could pair them trainers, they're worth 200. Come on. Tell you what. Get your money out, boy. Tell you what.

You must have been to the gym. You'll know what a weight is. Look at this. Oh, a bit of complimentary stuff. Lovely. It was unbelievable. Then obviously I think I'm coasting towards Christmas. Yeah.

We've done the new year and Christmas special. The last leg. They're in the back. When are you supposed to be finishing? And this is the 13th. When are you done for Christmas? The last leg was the Friday. Oh,

so Friday. So you've got quite a big gap. Oh, that's brilliant. Okay. So it's quite, yeah. I've got one voiceover,

which was meant to be on this Monday. And this, they were the only things I had in. So you've got quite a big gap. Oh, that's brilliant. Okay, so it's quite, yeah. I've got one voiceover, which was meant to be on this Monday, and this. They were the only things I had in. So I was like, this is the first Christmas I'm coasting in. I'm coasting in. Then it turns out Hilsey's got COVID. Yeah. So a last leg that's got three guests. Also, our Dick of the Year thing, which we do every year,

which takes up half the show. You barely have to write for the last one rob fair enough so this is a easy hills he gets on does his stuff yada yada yada you're on the beach rob you're on the fucking beach couple of jokes about swell a bravaman and before you know it's christmas you've got a cup of schlur on the go because you don't drink anymore you're flying i know how to enjoy myself can of fizzy water yeah anyway san pellegrino for christmas you normally have highland spring you're flying you're good to go hills he's not hosting suddenly panic stations the whole week's very very stressful yes but we get through it can i talk about when you rang me from the phone yeah yeah you didn't sound like a man that was bossing life as a market trader. You rang me like you were on a ship that was sinking in the middle of the

Pacific ocean. And my favorite bit was when you were begging your daughter to be quiet so you could talk to me. Just please, just let me talk, talk please i've got into more of that i've got to stop begging them but you did beg her you literally begged her to let you talk please just please oh she lost it i mean more than she's lost it at me before two days ago she's just done her first karate belt she's got a different belt now

she got me at that tune. She's on the roids. She started having a go at me. She's really angry. Yeah. And she said, I'm going to use my karate on you. It was so difficult not to laugh. Yeah, but she will be able to mess you up soon.

She only got a red stripe on her belt. Fucking hell, mate. She's only got a red stripe on her belt. Fucking hell, mate. She's six. Yeah, but I reckon your daughter with karate skills could beat you up at ten. Oh, definitely. Yeah, I think so. I think you're staring down the barrel of a beatdown at ten years of age if she continues with this progress. Yeah.

So Wednesday, I'm still looking like a good week. In the evening, it's QPR versus Plymouth, Rob. Yep. I get to go. Got tickets in the director's box, Rob. Ooh. Yeah. You, high-flying exec.

Christmas week. Went to the director's box. Plymouth all over them. Got a player sent off after 25 minutes. Yeah. But because of our incredible team and manager, we get a point. 0-0. Incredible night.

Josh, at the moment, apart from a little bit of extra work, this sounds pretty lovely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going, it's going. Thursday. You're still on a bit of a high after the initial news about Hilsey. You're back at the football. You're loving life.

I'm fine, yeah. Thursday, I start to feel unwell. Oh, no. Yeah. But I think it's fine. It'll pass. Obviously, do a COVID check because I think I'm going to have got COVID when Hilsey got Covid

no Covid so Thursday Friday last leg by this point I'm feeling incredibly rough do the last leg

goes well we get two people to present Swell of Ratham with the Dick of the Year award no one can

establish it's one of her constituent parishioners or whatever you'd call them or aides throws one of

the microphones into the water oh did they yeah four grand aides throws one of the microphones into the water. Oh, did they? Yeah. Four grand a microphone. Who knew? Oh, so they threw that in the water? All a bit of fun.

How did that go on the video? It was talked about, but they didn't have footage of it. Oh, right. I saw the clip. Yeah. Pranks stresses me out, Rob. I wasn't... I hate pranks.

Also, they scurried off. I thought they'd stand there and go, yep, you're the dick of the year and this is why. I think she knew why. Why me? What have I done? What? You've got to be kidding me.

Come on. Me. Also, I just sort of feel like these are real people, aren't they, these politicians, even though they're doing, like, mad shit at the moment. But, like, she's going to have, like, Christmas and then, like, do her mates come around and just not talk about it? Or do they talk about it on side? Cause they've sort of drunk the Kool-Aid and they're like, yeah,

she's trying to do this, do that. Or do they just not talk about it at Christmas? Like, I don't know. People come up at Christmas. They'll go, oh, I saw you and Romesh in Lapland. Yeah. I saw you trying to stop the old boats. What are you up to next year then now that you're not doing that anymore?

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know is the answer do you know there's got to be a bit of banter at the christmas table with pass me the gravy boat whoa hold up suella practice what you preach stop that right there see here we go he's not been on more of the week for 10 years but he's still fucking got it faster i'd have got loads out of that gravy stuff it would have been better if i didn't say peach instead of preach oh i didn't even know about it yeah they'll sort it out in the edit yeah yeah exactly they'll just cut to andy parsons and you can you can re-record it preach there you go michael can use that i think that's how i said it if we edit that bit back in, and when you say it, people go, that sounded weird.

And then the show will continue. And they'll find out, oh, that's what happened. Anyway, so Friday. Friday. I get the show done. I'm feeling unwell, but I'm like, it's Christmas. It's happening. I get in the car.

I'm feeling really unwell. And then I get a pain in my back. Right. Not my normal pains in my back. Yeah. Have you got love eggs in? You normally do that around Christmas, don't you? That's not pain, Rob.

That's not. That's not pain. That's pressure. I mean, pleasure. Just snip that in for me, please, Michael. I get a stabbing pain. That's pleasure. I mean, pleasure. Just snip that in for me, please, Michael. I get a stabbing pain. Oh, no. At the bottom of my lungs every time I breathe in.

What? It feels like I've pulled a muscle in my back. I'm breathing in is making that muscle. Yeah. It's either that or you're dying. Yeah, one of the two. I get home. I'm like, I've pulled a muscle. All I need to do, I'm going to lie on the one of the two i get home i'm like i've pulled a muscle all i need to

do i'm going to lie on the floor of the sitting room obviously raise the sleep it's about half 12 and go lie on the floor of the sitting room yeah just do some calm breathing and it'll probably yeah you've been a bit anxious and it's like i always find i always get ill like you've been working loads up until christmas so yeah so i my stuff down, go into the sitting room. I mean, a lot of pain by this point. The muscles really in pain. I'm like, I'll just lie down. It's really difficult to get down.

But any pressure on that area. Right. And I managed to get down on my hands and knees. Okay. But every time I'm breathing in, I'm going, ah, ah. Ah. And I get onto my hands and knees and I realise I'm stuck. No.

I can't get down any further. And I can't get up. I'm just stuck on all fours of my hands and knees. Right. Kind of go, ah, in like severe pain. Are you egging it on? Was it that bad? Rose got woken up by it.

Poor Rose. She texted me and she was like, are you all right? What's going on? Love eggs, question mark. Should I come down honestly rob it was fucking mental i was on the floor of my sitting room hands and knees hands knees and just couldn't move i was stuck right so what did you do how did it it took about five

minutes i couldn't get down to lying it was just a write- it? It took about five minutes. I couldn't get down to lying. It was just a write-off. Yeah. It took about five minutes to get back up to walking. Did Rose come and help you? No, because I couldn't really reply to the text. I didn't want to shout because my son is in the room. Yeah.

Kind of half landing before us. So it would be. Yeah. To speak to Rose would wake him. Right. Fair enough. Get upstairs. Did you have a fall? No, nothing had happened. off-landing before us so it would be yeah to speak to rose would wake him right fair enough get upstairs did you have a fall no nothing has happened no but i'm saying that it feels like someone's who's had a fall who's stuck no i basically i just kind of here he goes i just got

down right and i had to get down like that like just so there's no ever pressure on that muscle yeah and then once i was like that right josh is no pressure on that muscle. Yeah. And then once I was like that. Right, Josh is on his hands and knees now. I just couldn't move. I was just fucked. Just forever. First night of prison style, yeah?

What happened? I go up, I get in bed, and I just lie back, and it subsides a bit. But I can't sleep on my side. I'm like, this is weird. We're like 40 and 37. Can you imagine what this podcast is going to descend into when we're like 62? I know, it's fucking mental, Rob.

Oh, I went for a piss, blood everywhere. Then I shit myself. How's your week? So I managed to sleep on my back. I don't normally sleep on my back, but tiredness and illness. Yeah. Reigns. So you still feel fluid and you've got this pain in your lungs.

Yeah. Yeah. Next morning I wake up. Yeah. Still the same. Yeah. A little bit better, actually. A bit better.

In the morning, I'm like, actually, I think that's gone a bit. Yeah. And I'm feeling a bit better in the morning i'm like actually i think that that's gone a bit yeah and i'm feeling a bit better so get on with my day and as the day goes on the pain returns and this time it's in the front as well as the back and i'm like i'm not sure this is a pulled muscle. Yeah, it should be spreading. Because it seems to be spreading. So I go to A&E. Of course you do. Jealous of my story, was you? I've started going.

You got jealous, did you? Not been for a while. You get down there, get your favourite seat. Well, it was nice to go through the adults bit. Oh, yeah. You normally in the kids bit. Yeah. It was a rare treat to do it as an adult on your own.

So as an A&E veteran, Rob. Yeah. I was like, I haven't got much charge on my phone. I know I'll be there a while. They send you urgent care first now, don't they? Before you even get to A&E. What's urgent care? Well, our one is an urgent care section, which is basically like they can try and funnel you off to a gp if

it's just like you've got if there's a kid with a really bad chest infection but how do they know you've already turned up haven't you you go to surgeon casey a nurse and then they either send you to any or you wait to see a gp oh well i went straight through on any yeah you're sat there with a bit of a sore back someone's sawing their arm off no i tell, well, I went straight through on A&E, Rob. Yeah, you're sat there with a bit of a sore back. Someone's sawn their arm off. No, I tell you what, Rob, I went straight through. Did you? Yeah, because I had breathing difficulties.

Oh. It's like having a fucking golden ticket, breathing difficulties. Can you imagine that? You've sprained your ankle. Yeah, I've sprained my ankle, but also I can't breathe. So probably get both looked at quick. I was breathing about 20% of my lungs. Really?

Yeah, because I couldn't breathe in properly. Was it an asthma thing? No, it wasn't an asthma thing. They kept saying, you fill in an iPad now with all your things. Yeah. I then go through, straight through, bang, because of my breathing difficulties. Barely got to read the book that I'd brought because I knew I'd have a long way.

And then they were like, it asthma no there was a lot of chat of blood clot on the lung at one point oh don't want that for christmas not ideal is it i love having the leg that's not ideal no one was excuse me i really wouldn't like to have blood clot in the lung actually can we not talk about that one i know that's not the one i want say it quietly outside please can you just say like i've gone a bit too hard at the gym and pulled my muscles? That would be great. I had an x-ray. I had a chest x-ray.

All fine. Well, not really. End of the day, I've got a chest infection. And I've given antibiotics. Fucking hell, mate. What? It's really bad.

What? Mate, I've had chest infections before. I've not gone all foils and gone to hospital. I've had chest infections before. This is... This is... This is... The chest infection has led to that.

I thought there was going to be another reason. I was hoping for a bigger name to it than chest infection. I think when you found that out, you must have felt a little bit deflated. Well, no, because the other option was blood clot on the lung. Well, no, no, of course. You don't want that. But you want something else juicier to go home.

Josh has gone to hospital. What is it? Just a chest infection. See you later, girls. Just talking to my friend. He's been very under the weather. He's had a chest infection. The only thing you had but went to school.

Yeah. Anyway, have a lovely day. Bye. Off to soft play. Honestly, Rob, when I got there, they were genuinely very concerned

because I didn't have enough oxygen in my blood. Right. Okay. Because it was so bad. Because I've been breathing so shallow. But that is bad.

I'm sorry you're so well. It's not ideal. Yes. I'd say if you've been on all fours with severe pain to the point you've woken your wife up

and then gone to hospital and it is a chest infection. Did they say it was a really bad one? Well, yeah, it was a really bad one. Yeah. It was of the pain

in my chest. It was fucking awful. Right in if you've had a chest infection that's left you unable to get up from all fours. Oh. It was so painful. No no i'm not saying it's not in the car back from the last leg i looked fucking mental rob because i was squirming in the seat like a dog with an itchy ass yeah it was awful but it was just i was expecting there to be something else had gone on or whatever but do you

think i should have used the Latin? what is the Latin for a chest infection? I don't know but I should have googled it and then I could have at least I've got a little thing called obviously it's a very bad infection

but I thought it might have been something else but I'm glad the pectus infectio the pectus infectio I've got a little thing called pectus infectio anyway Friday I've a little thing called pectus infectio. Anyway, Friday. I've left out a bit of my bad week, Rob.

Okay, go on. Friday morning before last leg, Rose is looking for a box that she's kept 10 years of memories and memorabilia in. Okay. And it turns out the cleanerers thrown it away with the rubbish oh yes yeah all right that's a bad one yeah that's tricky that is bad and what kind of memories is there just sort of the box of her engagement ring the book that everyone signed

at her 40th oh no a book she's written when she was a baby about all the different milestones. Right. Okay. And does Sakina know she did that? Yes. I think having to listen to that conversation, I would be on all fours groaning in pain. That was pretty horrific.

So that's another part of our horrific week. Have you seen sort of a grey box with a sort of bow on? Got a few bits in. Oh, yeah, yeah. I've just popped it in the bin. When? A couple of weeks ago? Yeah a few bits in. Oh, yeah, yeah, I've just popped it in the bin. When? A couple of weeks ago? Yeah.

Horrific. Oh, well, that's not ideal. Poor Rose. Yeah. I would say that put a very dark mood on the house. On top of the fact that I was on all fours and then in hospital with quite a bad chest infection. A pectus infectio.

A pectus infectio. One of the worst they've seen, I'd say. Sunday we go to the circus, Rob. You went in A&E on Saturday. Is it better already then with the antibiotics or just calm down a bit? It was painful, but basically it was the option of us all four going to the circus or me staying at home with my son. And I thought it would actually be easier just to all

go to the circus to all go to the circus keep them busy yeah yeah then for me to be one-on-one with him does that make sense yeah i think yeah you can't take chances with pectus infectio you can't take chances pectus trigger warning we're about to talk about father christmas okay do you remember a couple of weeks ago the rant about the couple that had told to talk about father christmas okay do you remember a couple of weeks ago the rant about the couple that had told their kid that father christmas didn't exist yep so they were there they'd listen to the episode right yeah yeah good and they've apologized no they we had a bit of a laugh about it oh did you sure quite tense laugh was it well i can see why i wasn't invited to the fucking circus i'd have stuck a bit of home truths on them. Do you know what, Rob?

This is my feeling. Maybe they like a bit of honesty. If they're listening to the episode, they can't be offended because their one number one thing is honesty, isn't it, Rob? Exactly. Just being honest, guys. I'm just being honest. And I'd hate for us to lie on this podcast.

Absolutely. How was it, though? Were they laughing at what they said? Yeah, all had a nice time at the circus. Yeah. That was, I would say, a at what they said? Yeah, all had a nice time at the circus. Yeah. That was, I would say, a successful day. But then Monday came along, Rob. Oh no, what's happened?

What the fuck happened on Monday? Oh yeah. I'm in quite a bad way at this stage. You've overstretched yourself at the circus. I totally overstretched myself at the circus, feeling awful. Sometimes it's just the things that top off the weekend yeah that make it bad it's not the thing itself but it's just what it represents as i said plymouth drew with qpr monday just before christmas i spend the whole day with

growing rumors that our manager's leaving to go to Stoke, Rob. Yes, Michael Schumacher. Stephen Schumacher. Stephen Schumacher. Yep, that's the wrong one. That's the Formula One driver. I knew it was a Schumacher. I'm just going to have to shut my curtains because the sun is in my eyes. Hang on.

There we go. They're shutting now. You see that? That is incredible they're not very thick curtains just take the edge off are they going to stop having the sun bits coming no no if anything worse that oh yeah

I mean I bought it to relax in this house not as a podcast studio I would say that's one of the best clips we'll ever put on Instagram well also it's a bit of a swag studio. I would say that's one of the best clips we'll ever put on Instagram. Well, also, it's a bit of a swag to go, I've got curtains that shut automatically. Didn't even stand up, mate. I'd say, Rob.

I've got an app. No one would watch that clip and think, fucking hell, he's living a good life. They go, Rob Beckett's got curtains that don't work. Yeah, but I can shut them on an app. Yeah, you can shut them on an app, Rob. That's all I'm saying. It doesn't stop the sun.

No, no, no, no, no. Everyone can see in and the sun gets in. Yeah. Basically, they can see me and the sun comes in whether I press the button on the app or not. Exactly. Some would argue the button's redundant. But if you were walking past, you could see a man moving some pointless curtains

while remaining sitting. Yeah. But also, I'm in the worst possible position. The sun is right there. Yeah. Anyway, let's carry on. So your manager's leaving Plymouth. I took it really badly, Rob.

You messaged me and said you've had the absolute worst week ever. I ended up in A&E. So did I last week. I had a blood clot on the lung. No, you didn't. You had a chest infection in your fucking pussy. That's what happened. The cleaner?

Been 10 years of memories. Do you know what? Yes, that is bad. Which was a very bad thing in the house yeah i'll take that back you've been in the ana you've got a chest infection your antibiotics the memories have been binned you're at the circus you're having to confront the people you slagged off on the podcast the other day yeah and now schumacher's gone that was i will admit not the thing i would think would tip me over the edge so that was too much for you? That was too much for me. He's gone now. He's gone to Stoke, hasn't he?

Don't. I felt, do you know what it was? After the cleaner binned the box by mistake, and then he left, it was just too much betrayal. I don't know if I can ever trust again. What I'd say about this is, your problems today were yesterday's dreams, Josh. I know.

To be in a position, to be on the last leg. For Plymouth to have a manager that's good enough to move to. Plymouth have got a manager that people actually want. I know. You're in the championship. I've got lungs. You've got lungs that work. If you've got a little bit of a pectus infectio going on, but they still work. You've got

antibiotics. You've got access to free healthcare. Exactly. All the things that are problems now. You dreamt about Plymouth in the championship. You're on the telly. You've run in a fate. Adam Hills has finally let you present the show. Come on.

Well, parts two and three. Are you feeling better now, though? At least you're ill. Rob, no. Then Monday night. Still going? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It gets worse.

Yeah. Everything mounts up. Yeah. The insomnia comes back. Here we go. Can you remember the insomnia from last year? Yeah, I remember the insomnia. It all got too much.

The stuff thrown away. Yeah. The extra work on the last leg. The pe I remember the insomnia. It all got too much. The stuff thrown away. Yeah. The extra work on the last leg. The pectus infectio. The circus confrontation. Was it awkward, that confrontation? No, no, it was fine. Do I know these friends, by the way? No, no, they're just people from school now. Fair enough. And then

Schumacher leaving. And then, I just couldn't get to sleep. Oh, and then Rose went out. Rose went out with her friends. And I thought, I haven't got a social life anymore. All right. Okay. So now what's happened is you're a bit under the weather, anxious.

Now your anxiety is taking over again. Now you're lonely and have got no mates. Is that what you're thinking? I was like, since I stopped drinking, I've just lost all friendships. Right. Okay. And I haven't, I just haven't organised anything, Rob. And this is your first sober Christmas, isn't it?

Yeah. We have organised something. We are going for a Pizza Express. Yeah, I haven't organised anything. Don't include my kids, Rob. My whole social life is my children. We're going to Pizza Express. It's at the circus.

And then we're going to watch Bluey. It's the fate. It's Pizza Express and Bluey. It's some Christmas lights. It's the fate. It's Pizza Express and Bluey. It's some Christmas lights. It's Christmas Day. To be fair, when you and Rose dated, Pizza Express and a Bluey was your dream night. Right, so that's in your head.

You're not sleeping. I fail to get to sleep. I have to take a Valium to get to sleep. Oh, no. Because I know I've got to get up at 6.30 because we're going to Lapland, UK the next day. Oh, yeah. Perfect time to visit Lapland.

Pectus infectio. I'm still in pain now. It's not gone. It still hurts. I apologise. I think I've underestimated this infection. No, no, no. Rob, you're here to take the piss.

Don't apologise. All right, OK. I'm full on. They can be really bad though pectus infectio by the way Rose went out twice during the pectus infectio time

right and just left you with the kids I could do bedtime yeah both times she gets back understandably pissed

because she's gone it's Christmas week and if you like a drink this is piss time I can only sleep on one half of my body Rob because the other half has got pectus infectio sure right so I have to sleep on one half of my body, Rob, because the other half has got pectus infectio.

So I have to sleep facing her all night. She's breathing booze into my face. You've got insomnia, so you're staring down the barrel of a night hour shift of old booze breath. Thinking I'm driving at 7.30am to fucking Ascot.

And she's going to be hung over. And I'm not going to sleep here. I'm just not going to sleep. Oh god. This is a nightmare. Oh no. I'm plimmin' for going to get a new manager. And I've got no friends. I've got no friends. I've got no social life. What am I doing with my life? Go to got no friends. I've got no social life.

What am I doing with my life? Go to Lapland. It's fucking incredible. Yeah. And your youngest, does he enjoy it? He's what, he's two and a half, three? Yeah, he loved it. He took his blanket that he loves. You know, they've got those things that he lives with

that he just takes everywhere. That Santa told him the name of it. All that kind of stuff went well. Oh, brilliant. Yeah. It was incredible. We get back. I'm going to a leaving drinks.

I'm like, do you know what? This is my social life. So you've driven to Ascot and back, but now you've got a night out. Four hour round. I feel fucking knackered. I feel fucked. Yeah.

Just about to leave. Turns out we can't find his blanket. No. That he's had for two and a half years. So you're about to go out for your only social event without the kids and you've lost his special blanket. Two and a half years. Oh.

And we're like, he can't sleep without it. He's a fucking lapland. This is it. I just can't believe this has happened. And the only way you're going to get back, not only have you got to go to Ascot, you've got to go and do that special saying by the tree for the Lapland portal to open.

I'm thinking, I'm never going to sleep again. My insomnia is going to come back. This is it. He should have company now because he's not either. Rose is going to be breathing on my face. Anyway, we found it. All right. He'd hidden it in an empty Christmas hamper that we'd been sent.

Oh, my God. That is stressful. Why would you look in there? Why would you hide it? He's too young to know where he's left stuff. Yeah. Does that make sense? Anyway, I go out to this leaving drinks.

Who's leaving? Phil Harris, the commissioner of entertainment at Channel 4. Oh, yes. Oh, no, Phil. He created Slaves Go Dating. Big up, Phil. He did. He's paid for some fucking holidays for me, that man.

Good man. Good man. Series 10. Yes, please. He sent us let's go don't you i get that i'm like i'm not gonna know anyone first person i see thank god alex horn all right yeah yeah so that was nice and he's like this is my friend i can't remember what he said her name was because you couldn't hear a fucking thing yeah it's so loud so, your social life is going to a leaving drinks with someone you know through work. Yeah, exactly.

That would get in your head as well, because then you're going, these aren't even actually all my mates. There's other people here that are doing the work. This isn't me. This isn't me. I'm just, I'm Plymouth. Schumacher's gone. I just want to sit with my friends.

Yeah. Get that, Alex Horne. He's lovely, though. He's like, this is my friend yeah after about a minute i think alex horn's friend is awful she's really drunk and rude and then she goes to go for a cigarette i'm like oh who's she and he's like I've never met her before in my life oh but you thought they were mates she

was so rude was she and she kept finding me in the party oh and being increasingly drunk and rude to me

really and I'm like this is what I imagined being sober was like yeah yeah because even I'm a confident person but if I'm going for like

something where I don't know everyone I still need to have a couple of beers to loosen up yeah maybe just start drinking again Yeah, because even I'm a confident person, but if I'm going for something where I don't know everyone, I still need to have a couple of beers to loosen up. Yeah. Maybe just start drinking again. Just joking. Anyway, so she ruins it for me.

I have to go home. At one point, she physically... Do you know what? This is a bad week, actually. The chest infection threw me, but this is not a great week. This is not the week leading up to christmas you dreamt of is it it was nice to see people i saw people who i don't see very often yeah and i saw phil and i got to say goodbye to him but then i'm talking to my friend simran she comes up to me again and she tries to move my arms to make me dance and i'm like oh i just can't deal with this anymore. Do you know what I've started doing?

I've just been telling people to fuck off. I was so close, Rob. You should. Just do it. What's the worst that could happen? You should go, do you know what? Can you just fuck off? I just thought.

Why not? What's she going to do? I don't know what her job at Channel 4 is, Rob. Right, okay, that's a fair point. Yeah, that's the fair point. Yeah. That's the problem with work drinks. That's your issue there, isn't it? You might be the big boss, Rob.

Oh, God. Yeah, that is a danger. So then I went home. Tell you what's difficult, trying to get a cab in Soho at 10.30 on the last Wednesday before Christmas. Fucking Nora. All sober and famous. My phone's not working either.

Oh, and get this. The bit on my windscreen is broken to stick my phone on. Right, okay. So it keeps falling out when I'm driving. I had to go the whole way to Lapland with it propped up on a mince pie. That's festive, though pie that's festive though it's festive i've got a rotting mince pie in the cup holder because it keeps my phone at the perfect height for me to be able to use it as a map merry christmas so that was wednesday no no yesterday that was last night that was last night oh josh you had a shit run up to christmas then i got home but i slept last night did you so it had a shit run up to Christmas Then I got home

But I slept last night Did you? So it's a new start And I don't feel like my lungs are in pain So maybe that's a win The antibiotics will have kicked in by now Yeah Fair play to those people in A&E

Respect the NHS etc It was wonderful to watch And I said Is it a nightmare on a Saturday before Christmas? And the woman went yep just walked off and screamed into a pillow oh yeah i also by the way i went for the x-ray and she was very busy she was like you know you're way back to the where you were and i was like yeah yeah obviously i got lost in a hallway where every door needed a pass to get out of it

all of them had that magnetic lock on it thank you to the nurse that saved me after 10 minutes trapped in a hallway with a pectus infectus pectus infectio pectus infectio learn your latin baby sorry to blather on you had a busy few days, lots going on

memories have been lost Christmas confrontations at the circus. Drunk woman at a work event. What else have you got planned for the rest of the week then, Josh? What have you got? It's Wednesday now, the 20th of December. Talk me through your lead up to Christmas. Bluey.

Me and you are going, well, not me, you and our families are going to have a pizza express and watch Bluey. Exactly. Stratford Pantomime. Oh, East London Stratford. Lovely. Who's on? Don't know. Oh, East London Stratford. Lovely. Who's on? Don't know.

Oh, should we have a look? Sunday off. I don't think it's a celeb one. My brother's girlfriend, who's a writer, TV writer, has written it. Jack and the Beanstalk? Yeah. Okay, here we go. Very excited by that.

Good reviews there. Yeah, that's good to know. So she's written it differently, or is it still just a normal one? I don't know. I'll find out. Okay, fair enough. She wrote for Succession, so I don't know whether it's going to be quite intense. Jack and the Beanstalk. He just tells the Beanstalk to fuck off. Fuck off.

How's your prep for Christmas going, Rob? Sorry, I blathered on. No, no, it's all good. Well, we went to Tivoli in Copenhagen for a very Christmassy weekend. Oh my God! We're recording next week after Christmas, so I can... Oh yeah, you can a very Christmassy weekend. Oh, my God. We're recording next week after Christmas, so I can. Oh, yeah, you can make that part of your Christmas. Yeah, I'll talk through that then because I haven't got time for it now.

No, so we've got Bluey and thingy Christmas, Christmas Eve. We're going to go to the cinema to see Willy Wonka. I'm picking up the Christmas food on the morning. I was going to say, how's your Christmas food prep? I do a Marks and Spencers order. You love your M&S order for Christmas. It's your big thing. I do my own veg and potatoes,

but the meat and all the sort of nice starters and snacky bits I'll get from there. This is weird though, because the girls, because I've been working loads up until I broke up for Christmas. The girls are like, Dad, I've not seen you, I've not seen you. I was like, yeah, I know, but I've been working lots, blah, blah, blah. But from then, I'm off. Well, I'm not working. Apart from I'm doing this and another one of these, but they're not working, working.

Yeah. I'm in the house and whatever. And then they were like, oh, but you're not coming to soft play. I was like, yeah, but I've got to do this, and then I've got to walk the dogs, and then I'm going to go and see my friend. I've got to go and see my friend in hospital. And they're like, oh.

I was like, yeah, but just because I'm not working doesn't mean I'm with you 24 hours a day. On Saturday, I've got you all day. When Mum goes out, there will but just because I'm not working doesn't mean I'm with you 24 hours a day. On Saturday, I've got you all day when mum goes out. There will be times where I'm not with you for the whole week, like every second. And then I was like, all right, but on Christmas Eve, you're not coming for the dog walk with Nana and Ams? I went, no, no, because I'm going to get the Christmas food.

But you said you'd be with us. I went, all right then, come with me and get the food if you want, and we can make that little Christmas tradition. They went, nah, I'm going on the dog walk. I was like, right then, come with me and get the food if you want. And we can make that little Christmas tradition. They went, nah, I'm going on the dog walk. I was like, well,

I'm not excluding you, but someone has got to go and get the car emoted. Someone's got to go and do the food shop and you can come with me. Yeah. Or not, but you can't give me shit for not being there. Surely. Yeah. So they soon wound their fucking necks in after that.

I'm really excited. This is the first time when it's been, we've moved the kids' birthdays all forward a week. So this is the first week leading to Christmas where it's actually been like, oh, we haven't got that much on, which is exactly what we needed because we overbook and do too much stuff. So it's looking quite calm.

We've got some nice things booked in. Going out for dinner with Tom Allen and his fella Alfie. Oh, he was there last night. Oh, was he? Yeah. Yeah, no, I couldn't go. I was coming back from Copenhagen when it was the party. So I couldn't make it.

Did you sort of mention me to all the bigwigs at Channel 4 as well, just to sort of be like, yeah, like Rob's still about for work? Yeah, that drunk woman's, I gave her your number and said get in touch with you. Perfect. Look forward to that. Look forward to all the work coming my way at old C4. She's a piece of work.

Do a small business shout out. Let's do a small business shout out. I've got a small business shout out here, Josh, but for full transparency, this is where I get my hair cut. That's fine. I think if we use a small business and we like them, it's a very good way to show our support. No, I know I don't like them, but the mother of the owners sent this in i hate it no that's a lie i love the barbershop i wouldn't

say that's us over exploiting our power to use a small business and then give them a small shout out of the podcast well no the mum has sent it in as well just wanted to give my daughter a little shout out she owns a barber shop in Petswood, Bromley. Millers at the train station by Petswood train station. They specialize in scissor cuts, taper fades, and beard trims. The customers always leave happy with exactly what they ask for. A full consultation is carried out with every trim. What, scissor cut?

Yeah, that's because there's a lot of barbers just do clippers. Do they? Around my way, mate. The amount of shady barbers i've gone in where you sit down you haven't even finished asking what you want and they get the clippers out and basically give you an army haircut fucking joke these guys love what they do great music great cuts and a really fun and happy environment genuinely so charlotte miller this is her mum sent this in though so charlotte runs this brilliant barbershop. I love going in there. Very polite, very kind, very professional.

And it's a very good atmosphere in it. Best haircut in Bromley, I'd say. Oh, there we go. It's wearemillers.co.uk. Get yourself booked in for a haircut if you live south-east. Travel for it if you want. Yeah. I wouldn't get on a train from Wigan.

Yeah. They're great, but just save the train. It'd be costing much. Yeah, I don't think it's worth it. They also great, but just save the train. It'd be costing much. Yeah, I don't think it's worth it. They also do like little facials for men as well, which I've had, which are amazing. Do they?

Yeah. Father and son under 10, 29 quid. There you go. But yeah, it's a proper good haircut and they know what they're doing. All right, Josh, have you got another one?

Yes. Hi, my name is Michelle and I run a business called Find Your Spark, which specialises in working with children, young people and adults with ADHD. This follows on from my own late diagnosis of ADHD at 37. So I now want to help others not go through the struggle as I did. We deliver ADHD coaching one to one and in groups across Esse Essex as well as offer these services online as well website is www.findyourspark.co.uk instagram at find your spark adhd and as a special gift listeners of this podcast can have 10% off any service as we want to help as many people as

possible thank you so much for making me laugh and smile over the years you're sexy and relatable legends warm which is michelle yes big up michelle haircuts and adhd full package what more do you want for christmas josh i'll see you at pizza express at 11 30 a.m in a couple of days time strange time we've chosen but there we are that's our life these days well the thing starts at one, doesn't it? I know. What is it? It's like big Italian pizzas. Some pasta. Lovely. Peroni, if you're after it. What is the bluey? The bluey?

I've got no idea, but it feels timely enough to Christmas. It filled a gap, didn't it? Oh, dear. One till four, perfect timing. Straight on the rat in her own, get in bed. Yeah. New day tomorrow. Right, I'll see you. Well, perfect timing. Straight on the rat in her own, get in bed. Yeah. New day tomorrow. Right, I'll see you.

Well, I'll see you later, but on the podcast, I'll speak to you after Christmas. We'll chat about Tivoli and how our Christmases went. Oh, I look forward to it. Cheers. Bye. Bye.