Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S7 EP7: "I wake up and it all just starts again..."

Episode Date: August 15, 2023

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing we are all connected discover echo from Cirque du Soleil opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com.

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Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... That's right! Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans?

Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Can you say Josh Whittacombe? Can you say Josh Whittacombe? Can you say Rob Beckett? Good girl. Can you do it this way?

Can you go, etta, can you say Rob Beckett? Well done. Can you say Josh Whittacombe? Well done. Good girl say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Zicka. Well done. Good girl. There we go. We've got our money's worth there, Rob.

God, dear. It took most of the podcast. It took ages, didn't it? Yeah, they did both ways. Me and my other half love your podcast, and he decided to get our daughter to do the intro while she was in the bath. But he did it the wrong way round, but Josh first got her to do it the right way round too.

Here's the full clip. Yeah, well, fucking edit it here then. What the hell, Carl Earth Martin? 23-month-old Etta Rose from Sandhurst in Berkshire. Berkshire, Berkshire. Sandhurst. Yeah, that's where they train the army, innit? Prince Harry went to Sandhurst, didn't he?

Yeah, and he turned out well. Didn't he fucking bore on about it in that book? Oh, my God. I feel sorry for him. We're not here feel sorry for the army mate we don't care what tell us about you and your brother give us a chapter on camilla yeah so rare i give up on a book but ma'am anyway all the best bits have been taken out anyway anyway should we talk about something that's current rather than a book that came out a year ago so i'm a bit edgy what's up well it's just i find some holidays really difficult and i get flashbacks of uh lockdown like ptsd from lockdown do you of just but by the time i don't know if you might mention it last time but by the time i finished doing

breakfast i've started doing lunch for them again, then you have to think about doing them dinner and they just eat all day. So the kitchen's always messy, they always want to do something and they keep arguing. Oh dear. But apart from that,

it's great to have some lovely family time. Well, do you want me to cheer you up with my morning? Go on, what's happened? You're warming. Because we're meant

to start at nine, weren't we? Yeah, it's 9.36 now. Yeah, because I said, can we start at 9.30, which admittedly is going to be tight i'd say as well i'm quite chilled but a request to start at 9 30 at 8 37 yeah it's quite close it's not ideal we didn't realize that my daughter's art class started at 9 rather than 10 right okay yeah fair enough and um When did you find that out?

What time did I text you? Oh, sorry. About 8am. Yeah, 8am. What time was your message? 804. We got back. How long did it take to the school? Was it 20 minutes or something? Not the school.

So luckily it was a 12 minute drive. Okay, that's good. But we got back last night from... I'll tell you about Norfolk in a minute. But I'll talk to you from the moment we got back. So we drove back last night. Got back at half nine. Okay.

Yeah, I was pretty pleased with that. My daughter had slept in the car. My son hadn't. Bear in mind mind he's two so he's just been watching sarah and duck on an ipad for two and a half hours absolutely wired yeah so my wife goes to put him to bed right my wife that's weird isn't it rose goes to give her name out yeah she signed up to this she's giving full consent she's signed the form but i don't want to say my name on the podcast anymore all right then do you want to still live in this

house because i can't protect everyone for so long my life is the show are you all right rob yeah yeah i'm fine actually i'm really good yeah you don't see what are you drinking i'm drinking no offense to whatever company this is but coffee out of a metal can because it's only when they do it the garage you're in a really bad way i'm not i'm just i don't know i just the weather's depressed me it's not that the. The weather's just... Well, that is a contributing factor. I just feel like there's always something to do. I never get it all done. And then I wake up and it starts again.

And there's nothing even that bad going on. It just feels like... Lots of things. I feel like a salmon upstream. And my children are the bears swiping at me. Right, okay, yeah. And what's the stream? All the tasks for the house.

The stream's Sunderland Sea and it's full of shit and there's triathletes being sick next to me. I don't know if you saw that in the news. Did you see that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Wednesday's going out. That's probably about a week and a half ago.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but people are still probably being, people are still vomiting. Yeah. From swimming in the sea. Anyway, Gondroff, sorry. You got back from Norfolk. Yeah. My, I was put, people are still vomiting. Yeah. From swimming in the sea. Anyway, Gandroff, sorry. You got back from Norfolk. Yeah.

My, I had Rose put my son to bed. I had to go and get all the stuff out of the car. It's half nine in the evening. And you don't have a drive. And you live in London. Don't have a drive. Faring stuff. It's a bit forward and back from around the corner.

Would you say 40 metres walk? Yeah, probably, yeah, yeah. And he got locked every time because of the crime round there. You've got to make sure that's locked. Well, not because of the crime round there. You've got to make sure that's locked. Not because of the crime around there. It doesn't help, does it? Well, no, but I'd still lock my car if I walked 40 metres away from it and went into a house in any area.

No, no, not where I am now, boy. No? You wouldn't see anyone for weeks. Just leave your car open. Yeah, sometimes I just unlock it, take the brake off, roll it down the hill. No one there? No. If you roll a car down a hill in the woods and no one sees it, take the brake off, roll it down the hill. No one there? No. If you roll a car down a hill in the woods and no one sees it,

have you rolled a car? That's the old saying. Have you invalidated the insurance? Yeah, exactly. Not even insured, mate. Of course. Don't need it. Don't talk to me about that.

I've already covered that. I was like that for three months without realising. My car is insured, just for the record, before I get people in my case. Yeah. Yeah, sorry, Josh. I feel giddy. Got inside, Rose had put my son to bed. He was screaming his head off. Right, okay. Just to let us know, I don't want to be too critical of this story, but you've told us Rose has put your son to bed three times so far in this anecdote. Yeah, but we keep digressing into you having a brain

attack. Okay, sorry. So he's screaming his head off because he's OD'd on Sarah and Duck and he won't go. It's 10pm. This isn't his normal fare of when he goes to sleep. Yeah. Was he two?

Two. Two. And so I go to drop some stuff up to my daughter as Rose is putting her to sleep. Walk downstairs. He is screaming like, like old days. Like like like when i did

the 5 a.m thing right yeah i'll walk downstairs i'm like oh that's interesting there's someone spilled a load of water on my son's coat that i just left lying on the floor yeah and then i see the cat scrabbling at it and i'm like oh god the cat's pissed on the coat why is the cat scrabbling at it, and I'm like, oh, God, the cat's pissed on the coat. Why is the cat pissing on the coat? I think she must have been unsettled by us going away and us coming back or something. It was very out of character. Yeah, is she the one with the kidney stones? I don't know.

They look the same, Rob. Didn't stop to identify the perpetrator. Okay, so the cat's pissed on your son's coat. It's an anorak. Rose texts me from upstairs and said, you should go and see him. I'm like, I'm dealing with fucking piss on his coat. Because it's an anorak.

It's like a puddle within the anorak. Oh, because it's not absorbing it. It's not absorbing it. It's just waterproof. And I've stepped in it as well because it's splashed everywhere. Yeah, of course. If you move it, you're spreading it around there. Exactly, yeah. Yeah.

So I go up and see him, put his air con on. I think that'll do the job. I then have to go and get some toilet roll. I just kind of, I was like, well, I'll just have to absorb up the piss because I can't move the coat. Yeah. So I end up absorbing up the piss, putting the toilet roll,

with the toilet roll in the coat. Then I'm like, what am I going to do with the coat? Oh, I don't know whether to write the coat off or wash the coat or, you know, it's,

it's now a cat piss coat of the highest order. Of course. And also as well, if the coat's already a little bit piss coat of the highest order. Of course. And also as well, if the coat's already a little bit too small because he's grown out on it. Yeah, exactly. Or have we just bought it or how, you know. Yeah, I didn't know.

I didn't know. So I put it in the sink. I put it in the sink with the toilet roll and thought we'll deal with that when Rose comes down. Okay, lovely little gift. Is that the wrong thing to do? Yeah, i would have just put the toilet roll in the bin yeah but i was like the toilet i was going to go in the bin

anyway yeah so yeah so you just put it in the bin because if it's going to go in the bin anyway might as well do that rubbing puzzle over the sink yeah i know i know there's a mistake and then i would have chucked the anorak in the washing machine or i would have put it in the sink with like hot water and some fairy liquid yeah yeah i put hot water on it don't worry oh we boil up the piss no soap yeah well some some water some you know some water as well yeah yeah with the toilet paper with the tissue paper yeah it was just a holding situation yeah i know because i had to i had to clean the floor that was the key you've absorbed the piss

and disabsorbed it into the broth into the broth I know the piss you should have put the tissue in the bin coming from upstairs

at this point okay do you accept that you made a mistake you're not trying to claim yeah no I'm not defending it I'm just saying I was just like

let's just fucking do this and deal with the floor first because the floor's the key situation is it carpet or wood wood but I'd trodden it everywhere else I had to then mop the floor first because the floor's the key situation. Is it carpet or wood? Wood. But I trodden it everywhere else. I had to then mop the floor.

Big old thing. 10pm. Son's still screaming. Less so. He was going to sleep by this point. Just get all this sorted. Get rid of the toilet roll. Yeah. Wash the coat.

Yeah. Put the bin out. Clean the floor. Put the stuff away. Yeah. It's about half ten now. Eleven. Rose is like,

should we go to bed? I'm like, fucking hell. I've just, you know, like, talk about not stopping. Like.

You've just driven for two and a half hours and cleaned up some cat piss. Oh, I've got a bed now. Immediately. Straight to bed. Okay, fine. I think you're a serial killer if you can just switch off

straight away like that no no yeah nervous strokes just enjoyed flossing my teeth just for a break how was Norfolk then? yeah so then

I'll just tell you about this morning woke up yeah half seven bit of a lie because the kids have been to bed late less than ice yeah

get up no milk no bread no nothing my daughter into bed late. Less than ice? Yeah. Get up. No milk. No bread. No nothing. My daughter's hungry. Had to make her porridge with just water like she's in fucking prison.

I knew the gobbler would save the day. The porridge gobbler to the rescue. I think you kept milk and bread out of it just so you could gobble. I didn't have any myself, mate. Cold water and oats. She's a fucking shawshank. She's on cold water and oats.

Porridge. It's in the blood. She's gobbling. Or do you do your porridge hot? How do you do it? I do it hot. I didn't know. I don't know how you have it.

Oh, God, this is... Oh, God, what a life. So your daughter's on terrible prison porridge. I get sent out. She's got to have a packed lunch with two snacks for the art class. Oh, fucking snacks. Also, you don't have snack shops near you. We do.

We've got a Londis. Where do we draw them out? Oh, you keep that hidden in your little Londis of your little special delis. I don't keep it hidden. Real stuff you keep hidden. You never tell me it's in Londis when I come and see you. Like, oh, yeah, go to, you know, Sarah Jane's Cafe or whatever it is

and it's like one woman with 15 quid croissants. You didn't tell me it was a proper shop. Go to Londis. Smack out some yoghurt, some pommes. Good lads. Get some bread from Londis. She's not going to have fucking gales as a sandwich. Et cetera.

Get back. The moment I get back, we realise that she needs to be there in about 20 minutes. We need to leave in about 20 minutes. Make the packed lunch. Go and drop her. Come back. Five minutes to the podcast what five minutes to the 9 30 the rescheduled podcast yeah get my pint of water i think i'll just go upstairs have a relax yeah my son's

screaming because he doesn't want to have his nappy changed i think i should go and help with that go and help with that it's two minutes to 9 30 It's two minutes to 9.30. Come up here. Here I am. And you look like you're up for it. I am, actually. Do you know what? That would have destroyed me six months ago. Destroyed you?

That was... I'd say that evening into morning. That evening into morning was my kryptonite. That would have said... Well, what would have happened is you would have stressed. I would have stressed like it mattered. you wouldn't have slept all night. No, I just stressed like it mattered. And it hasn't destroyed you now.

How would you say it's affected you now? It's given me 14 minutes of top value content for our listeners. Well, the truth of that will be in how much he puts out. Yeah, all right. We'll see. They look at the clock

and it's minute two. And 45 seconds was a girl saying her name twice how was Norfolk though we spoke for a little bit because of different commitments over the summer holidays how were your summer holidays going

went to Norfolk for a couple of days yeah nice yes I'll stick to the negatives because that's what you're here for give us some positives as well give us some positives lovely spending time with my friends nice um yes i'll stick to the negatives because that's what you're here for lots of positive positives as well give us some positives lovely spending time with my friends lovely spending time my daughter and their son get on incredibly well so they just hung out the whole time really nice place not fussed on your wife or son but it was nice to see your friends and the whole time mate i get them the whole time oh so did do stand with friends up there? Yeah. Oh, nice.

That's nice. Yeah. So I'm not like... So, yeah, it was lovely to spend time with... Well, how much time did I spend with Rose? Let's put it this way. The sleeping arrangements. Hmm.

So we get there the first night. We're going to have our room, and then our children are going to have the other room. So is it... You hide a cottage, or is it someone's house? Yeah, yeah. Our friends have hired a cottage for a week, and we're going for a couple of days just to see them yeah first night the room for my kids is my son in the cot my daughter in the single bed my son's

up late because we've got uh because of just life he doesn't go to sleep my daughter goes to bed there is no fucking way he's going to sleep with my daughter in the room. He's standing up. He's, you know, playing pooh-pooh. Just saying hello. Just talking to her. She's lying there trying to get to sleep. She can't get to sleep.

Cut a long story short, Rob. She goes in with my wife. I'm in the single bed in with my son. Okay. I saw that coming. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in the single bed in with my son Okay, I saw that coming Yeah I'm in the single bed, child's duvet Oh, so a bit of space in there for you Oh, it's lovely business

Lovely business At least that weren't too small As you know I like the duvet over my head, Rob So I had to decide whether overhead or over feet That was my options, I couldn't have both So what did you go for for in the end I went overhead in fetal position curled up in a little ball what must your son think when he sees you there dad dad Dad? for our guests. And of course, they'll have to meet my standards and not everybody has what it takes.

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with available Alexa built-in, so you can change the music. Oh, yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. The second day, I woke up to my son tickling my feet because my feet were at the end of the bed, so near, so near.

It's gone. He can tickle them. He's going to have a tough argument when he does the my dad's harder than your dad argument at school. What does your dad do? He stays with a child's cover over his head in a fetal position those days of toxic masculinity are over though josh now be like my dad's more emotionally available than your dad exactly the future exactly exactly oh this is making me feel better so that was sleeping i'm very tired josh and that's why i'm a bit eggy. I'm so tired that I nearly fed my dog my AirPods because I thought they were treats. They were in my pocket.

Because I was on a walk and I had to take them out to talk to someone. I put them in my pocket and I was trying to get my dog back so he didn't run off with another dog. And I put my hand out like that and he literally had, I thought, two treats but it was my AirPods and he just looked at them and looked at me like, what are you doing?

Amazing. But yeah, so sorry if I'm a bit aggy. So yeah, Norfolk, carry on. So that was sleeping arrangements. My daughter slept in the bed

with my wife. I slept in bed with my, in the bed in my son's room. Back to going to bed with the light off, Rob, it's fucking tough. With the light on?

Off. Because he sleeps in the dark, I couldn't read. I'd need to read in bed to light off, Rob, is fucking tough. With the light on? Off. Because he sleeps in the dark. I couldn't read. I'd need to read in bed to turn off. Right, and he sleeps in pitch black. Yeah. Anyway, our friend's son, who's two as well. Yeah.

On the first night, he had a bit of... He couldn't get to sleep and he lost his shit for two hours. Did that make you feel good for a bit? Like, oh, thank god it's not us yeah but then you are like come on it's nothing like the sound of the tension when two couples are there with their kids upstairs and you hear a child make a sound and you're all computing if it's yours yeah and then also when they're when they go up to deal with it and one's downstairs they get a bit aggy between themselves.

And the one's sort of like being like the PR machine going, oh yeah, he's just a bit tired. Cause obviously we're busy day. You guys have come up and it's disruptive, you know, routine and all that. And it's just like. So they had originally, they'd been, they were originally been using the room cause they'd been there a couple of days. I then went to bed while their son was still kicking off.

So you've had to slide in in complete darkness it's complete darkness and what are you taking in there you got your phone bowl of porridge what are you doing i don't even eat porridge i don't even eat you don't you gobble it i don't even gobble eat porridge. I don't even eat porridge. You don't. You gobble it. I don't even gobble it. I'm like Goldilocks. But, um, I went in and I was like, if anything,

their sun's louder in this room than when I was on the landing. Yeah. And I was like, the acoustics are mad in this house. It's because my head's near it. And then I looked, I could see a green and red flashing dial in the darkness. And we'd got the baby monitor for their son's room.

It was plugged in to my son's room. It was in my son's room. So there was a product monitor in their bedroom and that room you were in where their kid was staying previously, but they room. It was in my son's room. So there was probably a monitor in their bedroom and that room you were in where their kid was staying previously, but they've left that one in. So if they were slagging you off, you could... Have I told you about the story

about someone slagging off their in-laws? No. Well, this is a similar situation where they were on a holiday thing and there was a monitor downstairs in the front room and one in the kids' room. And then the pair of in-laws were downstairs in the front room watching telly and then the monitor with the our friends and the monitor had gone off

so the both of them had gone upstairs and to calm the baby down and then they were just calming the baby down and moaning about like the pair the in-laws being a bit tight and not paying for stuff they've not paid for any dinners it's a piss take they've come down and up but it was all just playing out live in the front room. Oh, no. Obviously, because... Oh, my God. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, can you imagine that? Frosty weekend. That is mad. Anyway, so what happened to you? I had the receiver. The screaming baby Was being piped

Into my bedroom He must have You can just Unplug that surely Yeah but my son Had been lying there Asleep for two hours With the other baby

Being piped in Thank god he slept But I was lying there For about five minutes Thinking Why is this so loud in here You're a poor kid Yeah Anyway Lovely But I was lying there for about five minutes thinking, why is this so loud in here? You're a poor kid.

Yeah. Anyway. Lovely. They got to sleep. He was fine. Yeah. The beach was painful. Why?

It was so windy that the sand was like in your face. Because it wasn't great. So we're recording this sort of like a week before everyone will hear it because we're a bit behind because of little holidays and stuff. um this was when it was terrible weather isn't it it was awful rain wind well yeah the first day on the beach was was intense um but uh we had a lovely time i do want to make one complaint go on the exchange rate on those paper tickets in an amusement arcade is fucking unbelievable when you cash it in

we spent so I took my daughter and my friend took his son we got a tenner out each spent an hour and a half we got 500 tickets 20 quid

My daughter Got a lollipop And A golden plastic egg That contained a key ring Of the turd emoji It's an absolute swindle isn't it It's a fucking

There was a unicorn that must have been worth a quid It was a fucking, there was a unicorn that must have been worth a quid. Yeah. It was a thousand tickets. And I was trying to explain to her, we've been playing for so long. I was trying to explain to her that we just, we've only got the money

to buy a quarter of that unicorn. Like, for you. So this is a bit like what we did with the golden eggs. What Lou's very good at, find that unicorn online yeah on amazon or whatever and find the price and it'll probably be like four quid and say it won't even be four quid mate it was fucking shit that unicorn also it does feel like they could get slightly better tourism still make a massive profit but

they just it's almost like how far can we stretch this it was i had a great time in the arcade my daughter had a great time his son had a great time and then you get to the end bit and it's so disappointing because we got so many tickets and then there was they had one of the options was a fucking like a wireless speaker how fucking long are you spending in the arcade? I can't afford a unicorn. We've spent 20 quid. Anyway, I took... There was some youths that were much better at it than us. Well, I suppose the better you do in the games, the more you get is the argument.

I took what I think might be the best photo I've ever taken. Going back to having... If you find the toy, you can say to your daughter, this toy's £5 and it cost us £20. So if you don't get any more tickets and we just buy the toy you we've still got money left over to spend on other things yeah and what photos did you take this photo which i'd say it feels like the best photo i've ever taken just this is the seaside this is the seaside. This is the seaside. So that is the teenager that won the jackpot three times, feeding in his tickets. And that is

my daughter's head and her friend's son feeding in their tiny amount of tickets compared to... He looks like the honey monsters trimmed his pubes. It was fucking mental how many tickets these guys had. that's too many

he looks he sat there he looks like some sort of victorious he looks like he's smoking a cigarette with that lollipop makes him honestly it was insane and he looks slightly too old to have a lollipop can we put him up there maybe we'll cover his face i love the arcade we had such a good time in the arcade um well Any other Norfolk stories? That was it. It was a lovely trip. Thoroughly enjoyed it. But to conclude, paper tickets in an amusement arcade

and cat pissing on a coat. Right. Do you want to know what I've been up to in the summer holidays? And then have you got a breakdown you want to talk about? I know, it's fine. I'll save it for 10 minutes before Joel Dommett. Right, so this gives you an idea of how the summer holidays is going that I was in

my daughter's room the other day with Lou waiting for them to come out the shower and I said what are we going to do with this room when they move out laughing she was like nothing she's only 7 but I was just like it's just told me through the dynamic in your house at the moment rob well lou's ankle is still bad it's not 100 so she's not

she's pretty much doing that but she can't like properly go for she loves going for a walk with the dogs and it's really good for her mental health to have an hour in the morning of just quiet and peace and stuff so i would say and she'd agree that she's probably not sleeping as well because she's not moving as much because she can't um and then also she'll not having a walk in the morning does make her slightly snappier than she would be normally um so an example of this would be the other morning the dog's been getting up about six um needing a wee normally the older dogs just sleep to about seven because it's younger dog he needs a week he's got smaller bladder they've been waking up about six which is pretty good actually for a new dog we've lucked

out but she's been doing it every day so i said i'll get out with the dogs tomorrow and then for some mad reason that both dogs slept till 7 30 and didn't need a wee and i said i rolled over and oh um that's good isn't it lou the kids and the dogs haven't woke up till 7 30 today and she just went how do they know and i was like whoa okay that's a take right that's i thought this was a good bit of news for the becky's i thought this was like, hey, this is good. I'm trying to, oh, Bobby positive spin. Bobby Beckett's Professor Bubbles has turned up for a bit of positivity. And she went, oh, how do they know?

I went, what? Because I was a bit woken up and confused. She went, well, how do they know? Every day it's early me. And then how do they know when you're doing it? They sleep in. And then I was just like, I processed it for a bit. And then I said something which made it worse.

Or I said, Lou, she went, yeah, you do know the world's not against you, don't you? Oh, my word. Oh, my God. And then she basically said, I can't remember if it was shut up, fuck off or a combination of the both. Yeah, fuck off. It was pretty much just shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

And do you know what? With good cause. She called the dog a dickhead the other day and the girls asked what dickhead meant. Oh no. Oh no. That was quite funny. So Lou's having a bad time, Rob. I would say Lou's not having her best summer. What's the prognosis on her ankle? She's had an MRI scan on it,

and they're going to let her know if it's going to recover fine, if she might need surgery. Oh, fuck. But she can walk around on it, but she's got this boot she's supposed to be wearing. She's going to get annoyed now. She's got this boot she's supposed to be wearing. She's going to get annoyed now. But she's got this boot she's supposed to be wearing, but she doesn't always wear it. And then a dog will run into her foot or the girls will tread on her foot.

And she'll go, ah. I'm like, are you wearing your protective boot? And she's like, no. I'm like, mm. Well, mm. You know, and it's so not ideal. And then the other thing that happened um oh yeah we had a oh we had a first sleepover a girl coming over to sleep over oh yeah um which is quite tricky because was she the seven-year-old's friend yeah yeah so the fight is too young for a five-year-old but

that was not one thing was i was like god i need to sleep with like pajamas on now because i normally sleep naked but if there's a problem in the night you know like yeah yeah so i'm sweating with a top and shorts on and also as well i thought back because that episode i don't know if you've seen the k-pop episode of robin romesh that went out recently basically in a korean spa near enough completely naked and i was like what must you think if going oh my daughter's going for a first ever sleepover to that bloke's house yeah yeah yeah it's not a good look is it no but but i'd say and i mean this well you're one of the least kind of threatening people i know do you know what i mean yeah i'm not one of them sort

of scary moody dads because that's used to scare me at sleepovers but like exactly because where i grew up like in southeast sunday i found sleepovers well scary because i knew all the mums because it was just all mums at the school gates but then about six o'clock this massive scary bloke and because it's southeast sunday it was all like extras from football factory would just come home and sit down and crack a can of beer, and I'd be petrified of these massive... I remember going to someone's house for a sleepover, and I saw their dad's shoes at the front door. I was like, what fucking bigfoot Yeti bastard lives here?

Who's got feet that can fit in there? I just remember seeing the shoes, and I was scared at the door. God, yeah. I just remember what my sleepovers were like, because they're in Devon. Farmer's houses. Yeah, loads of space I imagine as well.

Was there? God, I once went to a farmer's house, Rob. Oh, yeah. Have I told you this? I went round to his house and like I had my normal friends but for some reason

he'd invited me round to his house. Yeah. And then he took me ferreting. Trying to catch. He took a ferret. Me and him went with a ferret to try house. Yeah. And then, he took me ferreting. Trying to catch, he took a ferret, me and him went with a ferret

to try and catch animals in the edge. So your mate's dad? The mate? Oh right, not just the dad. No, not just the dad and the boy,

not just the dad and me. Yeah, that's what I thought it would. Yeah, yeah, sorry. Then you'd go, you know ferreting

when you put your trousers and pants down and pop a ferret up your bum, yeah? Oh yeah, yeah. But there were some intimidating farmers with parents inret up your bum, yeah? Oh, yeah, yeah. But there were some intimidating farmers with parents in my school.

Yeah, I bet. His mum threatened to hit him with a wooden spoon. I remember that. It was like the Twits. It was like a Roald Dahl book. It was mad. Anyway. Yeah, so the sleepover, did it go well?

Oh, yeah, that's what I was talking about, yeah. So the sleepover went really well. They both really enjoyed it. They stayed up to about 10 o'clock giggling and stuff. It wasn't too bad. But the problem is, because my two kids are like thick as thieves, play together all the time. They are clashing a little bit over the summer holidays.

We had our first ever, you prefer her to me chat. You know that? Oh, no. And this is where it came off the bat, right? The youngest, the eldest was trying to find a teddy and it was in the pile in the youngest room, okay've got separate rooms she went oh where's the teddy i went oh it's in her room so she went in to get it and then the youngest then barricaded her door and said what's the password to get out right and my eldest was like i don't know the password i just

want to go back to my room and she's like no what's the password i'm like you can't do password to get out password to get in your room yeah because if it's password to get out. Password to get in your room. Yeah. Because if it's password to get out, that is kidnap. That is, that's kidnap, isn't it? You're holding someone hostage there. Yeah. And then my, and then the eldest was going, no, I just want to get out. And then as the eldest was squeezing past, the younger one sort of barged into slightly. Then the eldest tripped over a toy and then grazed her knee and then cried, right?

Oh, gosh right it could not have been more the younger youngest were you there to witness this i saw all of it and i went she cried and i went no you shouldn't do that that that say sorry that's you you can't do that she was just coming in for a teddy and going like that and then she's like no i did and then just kick it off and then when you love her more than me i don't i don't i love you and like you both the same but you were in the wrong there mental but so she felt a bit so but it it was she felt excluded by the sleepover yeah but then what i did was i said so what we both picked them up lou picked up the eldest and the friend and then i picked up the youngest in the night in the other car and

lou took them home did them dinner and then they played because it's hard you don't want the youngest to feel excluded but you don't want the eldest whose actual play day is not to have their play date because then they're like well no it's not a play date with my friend and then a sibling so i took the youngest and i was like right let's go i took to the toy shop she picked out a toy then we went and got this pizza she likes um and then we took it to the park and had peach in the park and she played on the zip line swings for ages and normally because i take both it's like they always have to take turns because they just go everywhere together because they're similar ages she had like non-stop there

was no one else in the park she did zip line as much as possible then came back then played for a bit and then she was like i want to sleep in the bed with them and like no you can't you know because it's not a sleepover there's not enough room and all that and then so she was getting a bit it's just difficult one to manage but i think yeah going forward when she's old enough it's easier almost to do double sleepover totally where we just go right you invite a friend you invite a friend and they're in their own separate rooms and that kind of thing and how did you make them go to sleep no so we we got them

they were like going oh can we have a bath I was like no no baths tonight let's just and then my daughter was like that would be like a bath

and then her mate was like I always have a bath before bed I was like tonight no bath I'd rather go down as the dad

that you know is a bit smelly than the one that baths all the kids so I was like no baths no one's having a bath I'm not even having a bath

no one's having a bath your friend can have a bath when she gets home it's only one night you'll be fine and then we just said right go and get your pyjamas on

and then we went and got into bed and they sort of laughed and giggled for a bit but then they just eventually just fell asleep you know what I mean so it's about ten o'clock

so it weren't ten half ten and stuff so no it was really good it was nice good fun nice for them to see their't 10, half 10. And stuff like that. No, it was really good. It was nice, good fun. Nice for them to see their friend. But yeah, he's a bit of a balancing act. If anyone's got any tips of sort of dealing with siblings. Or sleepover disasters.

Oh, sleepover disasters. Yeah, fuck tips. Sleepover disasters. Who cares about tips? What podcast do you think we're on, Rob? Also, the good thing about disasters is whatever they tell you they did, just don't do that. Yeah, exactly.

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It's not cup food, it's good food in a cup. Visit Knorr.com to learn more. This is another little, I'll tell you this little one, and then I've got another couple of bits we can do on Friday. So they were arguing over this one lolly that they wanted. So my daughter, one of my daughters went to a birthday party, the eldest one, and she got a lolly in the party bag. And the youngest wanted that lolly and was like,

well, no, you can't have that lolly. We've only got one because she got it at her party. You're not having it. She went, but I want it, and she was kicking off. So then the oldest, which was really, she went, you can have some if you want. You can have it. And we went, oh, do you know what?

That is so nice of you to do that. And what did you say? And he went, oh, thank you. Oh, that's so sweet. It's so kind to your sister. Well done. And then as she passed the youngest one, the lolly, she went, only one lick. I was like, what is this sicko doing like it's like mind game was that we went from that so that she was allowed one lick of it and then give it back

i was like oh my god little rotters oh god it's weird isn't it siblings because you're just my daughter gets on well with my son but i think it's she basically enjoys mothering him they're not like they're not yet at the stage where they're equal partners whereas your daughters are equal partners in the in the friendship the way they play people think they're twins a lot of the time because the youngest is a bit taller not taller than the oldest but quite tall for her age the They look like they could be twins. You know, when there's one bigger than the other kind of thing. But yeah, non-identical, that's what it's called.

Fuck it. So how tired are you, Rob? What's that, man? How tired are you? Well, if I try and play a podcast, I can hear it through the speakers in my dog's stomach. That's how tired I am. She's got small bits of shirt out. Hi, rj and m please could i get an sbs oh that's clever and it's full business shout out yeah that's good for my friend jill's 11 year old daughter

her name is lucy and she started a jewelry company making beaded bracelets necklaces and earrings lucy is homeschooled and this was one of her educational products. Or child labour. You decide. She sells her beautiful pieces through her Instagram page, also at Car Boot Sales. You can follow her at lucys.beading.company. I don't know if you have to say the dot or not, but there is a dot there. I have been listening since lockdown despite having no kids of my own and recommended you to pretty much everyone I know with children. Stay sexy and relatable.

Charmaine. There you go sexy and relatable. Charmaine. There you go. Thank you, Charmaine. Lucy's Beading Company. Let's keep it crafty. Dear Rob and Josh, can I please have a small business shout out for my husband Tim's Etsy shop? It is ideal for all Josh and Rose's knick-knack needs. That was nice, wasn't it, that sentence?

It's called Okie dokie uk now i'll spell this out because it's o-a-k-y and then d-o-k-e uk etsy.com forward slash uk forward slash shop forward slash okie dokie uk sells vintage furniture and hemp homewares giving a second life to stylish pre-loved gems and supporting sustainable living it is in the words of Anne-Marie from Cardiff, a stiff-necked dream come true. Tim is a classical guitarist originally and started this as a side hustle to fit around parenting our three kids.

He works exceptionally hard and does it all himself from home while still teaching guitar in the evenings and looking after our lively two-year-old two days a week. What a guy. But if I could mention one thing in case he listens, Tim, please curb the swearing in the car in front of the children.

Thanks. Keep up the good work on the podcast, Legends and Marie and Cardiff. Right, see you next week. Loved it. Loved you. Loved it. It's good to talk. Love you.

Love you. Love you too, you little gobbler. I really enjoyed that. Love you, mate. Right, bye. Bye. Hello, I'm Jen Brister. And I'm Kerry Godliman.

And we host the brand new podcast series, Memory Lane. Each week, we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guests, as they bring in full photos from their past to talk about. And Jen and I will be doing new episodes every week. Come on, we can all be nosy together. doing new episodes every week. Come on, we can all be nosy together. Memory Lane Podcast, available now.

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hit podcast, What's Upset You Now? Here's another thing, podcasts that are three hours long. Not this one. No, this is two 15-minute episodes a week, one with me and Paul, and one with guests like Romesh Ranganathan,

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Ooh, la-di-da. Tickets available from hackneyempire.co.uk. See you there, my loves. If you like Josh Winnicombe, you're in luck. That's because the co-host of Parents in Hell and The Last Leg Maestro is the guest on the first episode of the Always Be Comedy podcast. Out now and with me, your host and emcee of Always Be Comedy, James Gill.

Each week, the cream of comedy curates their fantasy comedy gig. Who'd open? Who'd close? What gig nightmare do they never want to relive? All this and much, much more. It's essentially comedy, gossip and chat. You know, I remembered this the other day. My first ever gig. It was like a Friday night open mic night. And they said, we'll just announce you on when you're on.

We haven't got a running order. It's a bit freeform. I got to the end of the night and then they wrapped it up and they'd forgotten to put me on. And I'd sat there the whole night. We've also got Stuart Lee, Harry Hill, Jen Brister, Ben Bailey-Smith, Maisie Adam, Al Murray, Rachel Parris, and many, many more coming up.

That's the Always Be Comedy podcast, out now with new episodes every Tuesday.