Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP11: Any Questions Answered

Episode Date: February 13, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond... with Rob and Josh. Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with ollie can you say rob beckett and can you say Rob? Bob. Beckett. Beckett. And can you say Josh?

Josh. Whittacombe. Go, go. Well done, Ollie. Go. Roo, can you say Rob? Rob. Well, it goes on, doesn't it?

Beckett. Any chance you can turn the fucking telly off? Say Josh. Oh, my word. Whittacombe. You're not going to believe this. Can you say Josh? There's more.

There's more. That's it. That was it. I'd say, look, it sounded cute. Please tell the... Like, we don't ask so much. At least mute the telly in the background. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, you've got to say, I'll be honest with you, that sounds like you've lost control of your children the widow comes always hard it never really works well how old was the kid hello josh and rob love love love this podcast it's genuinely amazing it helps me get through daily yeah not enough to turn the telly on mute though it wasn't you don't love it that much do you if you really loved it you'd care about the other listeners. Oh, to be fair, Rob, this is my two-year-old twins. Fucking hell, fair play. Oh, maybe it weren't a telly.

Maybe it was just another child. Oliver and Irina, reading your names. That's why they did it twice. For the intro, my daughter, nicknamed Rue, is currently in the believing she's a dinosaur phase, so gave up halfway through. Thanks for both for what you do. All the best, Stacey from Tilburyport.

I've never heard of Tilburyport. Let's light up the glasses and find out where it is google google glass maybe i should get one of them um how would you feel if i um did the podcast with one of them new apple virtual reality headset things where you can see your room but there's sort of like in the corner of room there's files and stuff like that would you feel like you could connect with me um yeah they're so expensive they're man they've got a cable and a battery pack have you seen it no they're like four grand it's a pair of goggles it's about four grand and then there's a massive wire coming out the back that goes into a power pack that only lasts a couple of hours but what it is is you're it's it But what it is, it's like virtual reality, it's like integrative reality.

I can't remember what the word is, but you can see all your room and your telly, but then you can also have like up on your wall, like a film playing because it's in with normal, what is it called, Mark? You know what the word is. Augmented reality. It's where it's not virtual reality

where you're in a total virtual world. It's where you can manipulate your surroundings with the screen and glasses you've got on so so you'd be doing this but you'd just be doing it with like so what i could do is billy connolly or a better comedian no but for example if you if you're doing it in quite an efficient nerdy way i could have you i wouldn't i wouldn't need the screen here yeah I could have a screen of you in like in front of me on the wall or whatever's there

and then to my left I could go like that and I could have all the correspondence I could have all the the file I could see how long the file's been recording for

then it's like you've got a desktop screen in your vision yeah and I could google while I'm chatting to you oh I'll be doing that

with my hands just pop you know, like Minority Report. So we are doing today correspondence, but also we decided, because we thought this would be fun, to do any questions answered. Thank you for all your questions because they're great. They're on our Instagram account. Go on Instagram and we'll do this another time. So follow us on there.

Josh, this is from louise and it made me very excited because as you know we are promoting uh rob beckett smart tv and we're splitting up the promo rob yeah so this is a panel show we did with alison hammond um yeah i'm the host and then you two are team captains that's great quiz about telly and it's sort of funny um but also also it actually gets quite competitive as a quiz but we've got to do a lot of promo for it and it's all been spread out so some of it we're doing together some it's me and allison some's you and allison some's me and you so we're all over the gaff we're gonna be you're doing jonathan ross i'm doing graham norton

yes because i don't think i could do i can't you it's like it's like nolan liam if you work for one you can't work for the other it's stiff neck and loose neck they've split us they've split us stiff neck and loose neck so you'll have been on it by the time this goes out yeah

so this is how I find out the rest of the line up yeah Josh from Louise are you excited to be on Graham Norton with Gabrielle you want me Gabrielle

I must be you've got to ask her about screw fix I've got to ask her about Screwfix. I've got to ask her about Screwfix. And say, Rob, yeah, I was in there and you got mentioned. Yeah. So there you go. You want me, Gabrielle? Who else?

Anyone? I don't. Yeah. Michael Sheen and Ian McKellen, I know, are on it. But the problem is you're basically going to go from Sir Ian McKellen talking about his amazing performances for over like 70 years in acting michael sheen being the greatest sort of character actor of all time and yeah yeah he'll be doing something west endy that's incredible yeah and

then they're going to talk to you about your new panel show and then you've got gabrielle do you like screw fix and then you'll be accused a bit of pedophile and everyone laughs at you and then you go home going well i think that went all right that's what normally happens to you on graham north it's happened three times and now what they say there's no smoke without fire um right have you got any other questions from uh loyal listeners okay um how did you decide your kids this is asking for a friend from a non how did you decide your kids names this is asking for a friend from a non how did you decide your kids names with your partner and wife were there any conflicts you had to resolve in terms of preference we won't say the names obviously in terms of preference of name or

that you didn't really like and how did you do it okay so rose dreamt my daughter's name what do you mean she said i had a dream about a name and i think we should choose it yeah but that we knew we were going to do that but then my kid would have been called my teeth are falling out and there's a shipwreck we didn't think it was fair on her trying to spell that as schools rob that kind of humor is why you're booked on the panel shows mate that's why you're on the chat shows mckellen's not coming out with that kind of shit that is a fully formed joke off the bat stick it up your arse

yeah sure it's fine and not earth shattering you try and think something better that quick yeah it's making the fucking edit I tell you that's a break

straight in the fucking edit have that clip that up get that on the fucking Instagram where's my money see you next week that's my life mate

thank you yeah I'll try and swear less next time Where's my money? See you next week. That's my life, mate. Thank you. Yeah, I'll try and swear less next time. Fuck off. Don't like it, don't book me. Watch Smart TV. You're not booking me. Fair enough. Okay, you're not booking me. Sure. I did five cock jokes in a row in QI and I've never been asked back.

Why don't you look at yourself? Why don't you look at your own cock in the mirror and come back to me? Lou wanted to call my daughter alice and i fenced her and called alice but i burst into laughter and shouted alice who the fuck is alice oh and that really annoyed lou yeah um and then uh i i really liked our second daughter's name but lou said it was a little bit too wacky so we didn't go for it but then she'd calm down a bit by time second one so yeah we but we like both names. I tell you what, we sort of just, we agreed in advance. When anyone sort of goes, oh, I just looked in their eyes

and he looked like a Graham. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, what, that is nonsense. Well, he's an absolute nonsense. Yeah. Yeah, if you do do that, good luck to you. But I think it's a crock of shit. Next question.

If that makes you feel better, crack on. But I think it's a crock of shit. Next question. If that makes you feel better, crack on. But I think it's absolute nonsense. And I will sit on the fence on that. If you could reinstate one thing Michael has edited out, what would it be? I don't listen, so I couldn't tell you. No, but I know something that I presume has been edited out. Michael, I need to confirm this.

I'm not going to say a celebrity, but we were interviewing a celebrity and they said that they would go for walks out of their house, leaving the baby in the house. They walk the dog around the block with the baby sleeping in the house. Yeah, walk the dog around the house.

And they're telling this to imply they're a really good parent because they didn't go very far when they walked the dog and we sort of looked in shock yeah and i thought i'm not chasing that down because there's no fucking way that's making the edit and their child is grown up now so we didn't feel like we need to inform any exactly exactly relevant authority authorities yeah but yeah i know i don't um listen back so we didn't feel like we need to inform any exactly any relevant authority authorities yeah but yeah no i don't um listen back so i wouldn't know but also i think the reason why um that i implicitly trust michael because also michael is you still got a career well no because i've still

got a career also michael worked on a lot of the panel shows so knows exactly what to do and how to do it so um yeah no i don't think so um right do you want to do it. So, yeah, no, I don't think so. Right, do you want to do another question? And then we'll do some correspondence and dip in and out? Yeah. Oh, have you got a new kettle, people are asking. Have you got a new kettle yet? Yeah, we have got a new kettle.

Okay, cool, cool. Panic over. If baby slept through the night from day one with no issues, would you have another stroke? How many would you consider having? So, no, I still wouldn't have any more if if i could have a child that arrived at the age of two yeah 18 months or so i could around that i don't know i'd have to do a bit more research and remember what they were like yeah but a child around the

age of two i reckon i'd have two more but the problem is it's hard it's the pregnancy as well oh yeah no no none of that that's hard work and I don't even have to do it I just sort of have to be near the person doing it and it's too much for me so yeah

God knows what it's like for Lou and Rose yeah so yeah it's not just the sleeping I'd say the sleeping is a big thing because you are like

we're now on easy street why would we well not on easy street but relatively yeah why do you roll the dice again and i think two is enough i'm from a big family i think what happens is people are

only children and they go i want a big family they have a big family and all the kids from the big family go i'd rather have one or two and it just that's how the world keeps revolving it's cyclical um what was that thing uh who do you think you are? One of my relatives, you know, from 500 years ago, had 15 kids. That's too many kids. It's impractical. I don't feel I've got 15 mates. I know you haven't. Never mind.

Right, Josh, on a recent episode, you asked for tips about getting kids dressed in the morning. Yeah. Here we go. Tip for kids wasting time getting dressed in the morning yeah here we go tip for kids wasting time getting dressed in the morning get her to choose the next day's outfit just before bedtime yeah works a treat as no faff as there's no decisions the next day yeah and they're weirdly more amenable before bedtime um and this is from amy but lots of people suggested this so the night

before yeah we've tried that yes that's good that does work yes that does work so what we've done now is because they're all the same this is the difficult thing it's not about her going so it's like there's four pairs of black leggings and some days they feel wrong some days i didn't know your daughter was steve jobs exactly the same outfit i bet steve jobs didn't kick off about the tightness of his black leggings well he used to have a black roll neck blue jeans and big trainers because that because basically einstein only had one outfit zuckerberg does the same doesn't he yeah but do you know what i don't think i'd want that and albert have you heard about being a fucking laugh yeah like just having fun.

Just enjoy yourself. Let's do this. Oh, hello, Josh. My name's Mark Zuckerberg. Hi, Mark. Do you know what, Mark? Yes? Fucking loosen up.

Oh. Enjoy it. You've got some money. Buy some nice clothes. Not your tiny little grey T-shirt that you're always fucking wearing. That's quite aggressive, actually, Josh. I've only introduced myself to you. Yeah, I hate Facebook. And you are hosting the annual Facebook Awards. I hate

Facebook. Yeah, but you're here. I might host the annual Facebook Awards. Well, Nick Clegg, you come over here now. I've got some fucking words for you as well. Does he work here? He does work here, yeah. What does he do for me? He's the head of something at Facebook. Oh, snivelling little rat. He's the one who fucking started

sucking off Cameron when they didn't get enough votes to get in, didn't he? Zuckerberg's changed, hasn't he? You're fired, mate. Get out. Right, okay. So, yeah, so the night before, quite a good day. Also, you were saying about your son with eczema having a bath. You don't need to bath him every night.

You can give him a bit of a break and stuff. Oh, yeah, no, we don't. No, no, no, I'm not accusing you of something, but a lot of people going that it's sometimes easier. Yeah. But there was a lot of eczema chat on the emails, Josh, if you need any advice on that. Oh, sorry, yeah, yeah.

Right, is it a boomer parenting? Oh, inject it into my veins. Here we go. Hi, Rob, Josh, and Michael. As I entered my primary school years, like many kids, I was eager to have school friends over for birthday parties. I would ask my dad if this was possible, and he would always have the same response.

He said I could have a bloodied nose party like my sisters used to have. He proceeded to tell me that once the children arrived, he would line them up and one by one punch them all in the nose, collected all the blood in a bucket. Then he would give us all the paintbrushes, touch up the walls collected all the blood in a bucket then it would give us all the paintbrushes touch up the walls of the fresh blood what now my dad is a well-respected kind and caring member of the community these days so i can only assume the anything goes parenting vibes the 80s brought out this dark side in him obviously i didn't want to call my dad's bluff and proceeded

with the party that had even the slightest chance of me and my friend's bloody nose being painted on our walls. But as a way to avoid throwing your kid apart, it seems he nailed it. So he obviously didn't do this. He used that as a threat. Yeah. Fucking hell. That is intense, isn't it? So she never had, sorry.

So she never had birthday parties? Yeah, I didn't want to call my dad's bluff and never proceeded with the party. So she never had her friends over because she thought her dad was going to punch them all in the face. Oh, my God. Fuck, yeah, now. I wish she had called his bluff. Imagine if he chinned them all.

Thank you for making me laugh twice a week. God, you must have a depressing week. That was Anna from Lithum St Anne's. Mum to Sam, age 11, and Eve, age 6. So she never had friends over because she thought her dad was going to punch him in the face. That is grim. That is awful. That is grim.

Okay. He's a well-respected, kind, and caring member. I always find that suspicion when someone gets described as well-respected. I just sort of think, from who? Yeah. Who's deciding that? I wouldn't say I'm well-respected. I'm not well-respected. who's deciding that I wouldn't say I'm well respected

I'm not well respected no no I don't want to be you'll see that when I meet Ian McKellen that's the problem on those shows

if you get a really serious actor but McKellen will be amazing he's very charismatic so is Michael Sheen so you're lucky there but if you get someone

who's a bit quiet what happens is you that you record for two hours you'll say loads of funny little bits and bulbs and then they might edit you in more and they go oh for god's sake why doesn't that josh widdicombe just let the actor speak and you're like we did and it was fucking boring it's not my fault she hasn't said anything josh widdicombe just keeps chipping in nick j Jonas does not speak. I'm trying to help Graham out. It's Nick Jonas who doesn't want to answer questions about his wife, Brianne Kachopra,

and there's someone from Call the Midwife here. I'm doing my best. I'm trying to create an atmosphere that people will want to watch, and I'm sorry that my Gabrielle and Screwfix chat got a round of applause, okay? I'm assuming. Ian McKellen could have mentioned Screwfix.

He's from England, he knows what it is. Sheeny! Sheeny knows what Screwfix is. He must have been. He's a fucking poor Tolbert! Oh dear. I punched the air when it was Sheen. I love him. Yeah, he's great, Sheen.

Yeah, he's brilliant. Right. I had one which was, I can't find it now, but it was, who would you replace? Who would we get to replace each other on the show? Each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What would you do, Josh, if I went?

So, have you died or have you walked? I've been cancelled. Okay. So I've gone, do you know what? I'll step back from the podcast because I've been cancelled. Yeah. I'll continue to take a little tickle from it. Yeah, 10%.

Yeah, I'd say, well, 25. 25. Let's not negotiate now. But I think we've come to,'ve been cancelled we come to agreement where i'll step aside but still take a little bit of what comes in because i helped yeah yeah exactly yeah and then the back catalog still contains you people people are listening to that partly the police are for evidence but they're still listening to that catalog it still goes to the same pot um and then what i'd do is, well, but then also, well,

it probably would affect, anyway, let's not get too bogged down in the actual contractual details. But I'd say what you want is someone who's very good, very funny, but is coming up so accept a fee for each episode. And you could absolutely cream off my cancellation. Well, do you know what? Initially what you do is you do a kind of, never mind the buzzcocks, have I got news for you, wouldn't you?

Guest each week. You do a guest each week. Yeah. And then that would run out of steam early doors. Yeah. Because you need at least two regulars. Yes, of course. Well, Michael might have to have a kid.

Maybe Michael steps into that role. Yeah, exactly. Like an assistant manager who steps forward. He's been learning. He knows the DNA. He knows the DNA. He's from Newcastle. Sure, he might get relegated, but everyone loves him.

The listeners love Michael. Yeah. Well, Michael, you could do this. You could organise a coup. Michael could leave in something I've said that's problematic. Yeah, not difficult. And then there's a furore. And then he needs to acquire a child somehow.

Yeah. Maybe through his partner or other means. And then all of a sudden... Or yours might leave. Yeah. They might be up for grabs. So I think that's probably the way it would work. Yeah.

But it all depends on the circumstances. If I passed away, I think you'd probably get in either Graham or Ellis James, wouldn't you? Oh, I don't know. Maybe we'd just stop it. No, that wouldn't happen. Okay, very well. Wouldn't you both be too grief-stricken?

No, absolutely not. No, I'd say... I'd be kidnapping small children to keep generating the revenue. I'd say it was strange, actually. But as he was drifting out to sea, he did call me and say, my last dying wish is that you carry on the podcast without me. So it would be disrespectful for me not to do that.

Yeah. If I went to prison, maybe you'd have to sort of, you could replace me. You could do your one call a week. Oh, yeah. That would be quite, I think it'd be quite good for listeners, actually. I'd be fascinated with how your week's been. My anecdotes wouldn't be, it'd be difficult for me to complain. You're not going to believe what happened to me in Starbucks, Rob.

Yeah, you're like, I had a nightmare. I got my order wrong. Yeah, well, I was top bunk and I didn't sleep much last night. Why? It's only eight years to go, so I'll be all right. Yeah. Anyway, I've got to go because a man's threatening to stab me because he needs to phone his wife.

Yeah, so there's a man at the front door with a kettle full of sugar. I'll see you in a bit. Don't worry about the screaming in the background. Bloody kids, eh? of sugar i'll just see in a bit don't worry about the screaming in the background bloody kids hey um okay do you want to do a boomer or something i'll do a modern boomer boomer boomer am i a modern boomer hi rob and josh my daughter is now 16 so all is fine that's a worrying start isn't it but when she was smaller, probably five or six, we went to Centre Park for a nice week away break. We decided to hire the bikes for riding around.

We got one of the small bikes that can be attached to the back of the adult bike to be towed along. Everything was going great until going down the double wooden bike track. I thought I was being funny riding fast down the hill. It does, the wooden, it sounds like something that you get dared to go down on rollerblades when you're 13 in half term. How old is the daughter? Sorry, I missed that.

Five or six. Five or six. So sort of probably old enough to start riding the bike soon, but probably not confident enough. I wouldn't put my six-year-old down a wooden bike track, but I'm just saying. Well, she's attached to him at this stage. It's like sort of an attached tandem.

Oh, fair enough. But I thought I was being funny riding fast down the hill. Then I forgot that I basically had a child trailer attached to the bike and took a bend too fast. I managed to make the turn, but my daughter towed behind, didn't. Oh, no. She crashed into the small fence and flipped over the fence.

Understandably, she didn't want to ride any bikes that weekend for a while after no from an animal anonymous i just think that's that's not a boomer i think that's probably just slightly a bad a bit of an accident exactly misjudged you're you're at a new place you are trying to have fun and you've and you failed but your heart was in the right place exactly i think boom is more when there's a bit of venom in it yeah i'm gonna prove you i'll go what's that you want to go fast here i'll show you fast he's not teaching her a lesson he's not teaching her that teaching you a lesson is very much a boomer thing i think

well on the subject of teaching a lesson rob from lucy what was your favorite subject at school as a kid and if you're a school teacher now rather than a comedian what would you teach all right if i had to teach something oh my god i think you'd be i'd quite like to teach pe i think you'd be quite good at that i think i think i didn't really enjoy pe at school because i was fat i didn't enjoy pe so i didn't like it that much but i probably would and let's face it i don't want to be clean i and I don't know what you mean, but it's the easiest one. Year seven to nine is fucking pointless.

And then basically GCSE, you've just got to be like five fruit and veg a day, pool day, push day, bit of cardio, eat loads of protein, keep sugar low. Oh, that's a calf. Do you know what I mean mean it's very much like trying to teach geography or history and putting an essay together yeah i'd struggle he is the easiest especially in the early like year six or seven yeah because i think i could if you sent me into a school tomorrow yeah i think i could take a pe lesson yeah i don't think i could take a

lesson or anything like that because oh i'd struggle with shoes off that's the first bit of drama lesson always shoes off in the drama studio at my school really yeah in pe it was a shoes trousers pants off but that was just for me and the one teacher did you have to shower yeah but i didn't like it obviously because i cubed up late to do it and then a teacher turned up that implemented it oh pervert yeah oh so you have to wear them little i used to wear my little blue swimming trunks they gave you the tiny little blue speedos and if you couldn't swim you had to wear a red swimming cap it's horrible poor little kids with little red caps on

i told you that like i would be... There was only... There was two levels of PE group. Yeah. And I was a yo-yo club. So I was basically... You was a yo-yo club? You know, like Norwich. Oh, well, you were a yo-yo club.

I thought you went to yo-yo club, which is the most Josh Winnicombe. You know, Josh Winnicombe. I was a yo-yo club. Up and down, up and down. Walk the dog. This is PE. What you've done there. I was in yo-yo club. Up and down, up and down. Walk the dog. Is this PE? What you've done there is an impression of Sean Walsh doing an impression of me.

Sorry. Bruce Grobbler, you're a little bit slower. Bruce Grobbler, push the control. So when I was in the bottom PE group, Rob, I was a fucking, like a Greek god. It was incredible. One kid didn't finish the 100 metres, Rob. I did in 23 seconds. Did you?

So long, isn't it? That is long. If my mentality's not right, I'm all over the place, Josh. If I get my head right, I'm decent at stuff. But when my head's gone, there's nothing there. Did I tell you one day for the PE what's it called sports day yeah

they did the hurdles we didn't learn the hurdles I did shot put because I was fat classic I didn't do the hurdles but I watched it they put out the hurdles

yeah because it was the kids putting them out didn't know which way they were meant to go so the legs you know the legs the hurdles are on

yeah they're meant to face you as you run it so they can tip over yeah they were the other way oh so they were just getting stuck on them

they were just getting absolutely smacked on the head it's mental sports day because we were it's crap sports day we didn't do well what they want to do

is show the parents all the different sports they offer but they don't teach you it during the year so you just stood with a javelin going, I don't know what happens here.

Yeah, fuck. It's mental. I was doing triple jump. I had no idea how to do the triple jump. Who gives a shit about shot put, even in the Olympics? Yeah. No one cares.

Even the commentators don't really go to it. Also. There's going to be some massive unit from Estonia just fucking launching it. Did you have to do proper high jump? Obviously not. I was 5'4 and 18 stone, Josh. I used to drag the mat out

so that the tall skinny kids could have a go. We had to learn to do the fucking Fosbury flop. The Fosbury flop? That sounds like a pervert getting his knob out. Yeah, we had to do that. So that, you're fucking jumping over backwards. Oh, I hated it. I hated sports.

I hated sports day. I did the 1500. Awful. But PE teach is basically the easiest thing to teach. We teach that. Yeah, we teach that. I wouldn't bother with rugby. Hate it.

I'd just make them play football every day. They'd love me. I'd have loved that. I'd just make them play football every day. They'd love me. I'd have loved that at school. Just going to play football. Right. Any more questions? Yeah, I can give you another question. Let's do it.

Okay. If you could interview anyone, alive or dead, on the podcast, who would it be or why? Billy Connolly, I'd love to. I've never met Billy Connolly and he's my hero. But they always say, don't meet your heroes. So I feel like I could meet him on zoom to talk about parenting,

but I think I'd panic too much in real life. I think my job, I'd say don't meet your heroes as bollocks. It's worked out almost every time that they've been nice. Yeah. But that's because your heroes are people that had sort of mildly successful careers. So just glad of the attention. time that they've been nice. Yeah, but that's because your heroes are people that had sort of mildly successful careers so just glad of the attention.

No offence to Josh's heroes. You mean Plymouth Hargold midfielder Ronnie Mojé doesn't count? I had something with Ronnie Mojé. He's absolutely desperate for someone to go, Ronnie, I love what you did at Plymouth in 1993. Scored at Wembley in 1996 Ronnie Mojé yeah

M-A-U-G-E how do you know I'm googling Ronnie Mojé he looks like a nice guy and he what did he win something at Wembley

he scored the goal that won us to play our final oh I mean yeah he's obviously your hero. No offence to Ronnie Mojé, but I'd say that is the first time I've heard his name.

Yeah, yeah. So I'd say he's probably not inundated, where if your hero was Madonna, I'd take the meter. Do you know what? To go back on the Norton thing, Rob. She's too famous. To go back on the Norton thing, I have an unfair advantage over some people in that I'm not that

into Hollywood. Yes. So those people don't really intimidate me in the same way that if I went on with... Roger Mojé. Ronnie Mojé. Sorry, Ronnie. I've just rogered him off. It would be a strange booking. I mean, if

we booked Ronnie Mo we booked for the podcast and you got to meet your hero I think they would regret asking that question well they said what hero do you want to interview so you're suggesting you'd like Ronnie Mojay on the show we could

pull it off I'm suggesting within 5 minutes of the podcast going out, Michael would be getting a call from Spotify cancelling our contract. Oh, but no, but Ronnie might be really... He's a great guy. He's got a great story to talk about winning the playoffs. He's your hero, and he's probably a great guy,

but I'm just sort of saying for our demographic of parents, predominantly women, actually, I'd say a Plymouth midfielder from 1996 isn't going to generate the same clicks as, say, you know. Okay. Paul McCartney. Exactly. You like Paul McCartney.

I'd love that because I could just listen to him talk to you because Romesh has interviewed him. Try and get his number. Yeah. I don't know if they swap numbers. No, I doubt it. I'd have Paul McCartney or obviously Damon Albom would be good.

Yeah, okay. Do you want another correspondence bit here? Yeah, go on. Here we go. Who would you want to interview? Oh, you said Billy Connolly. Billy Connolly was my sort of hero. I'd like to interview Rod Stewart. Oh, yeah, you said Billy Connolly. Billy Connolly was my sort of hero. I'd like to interview Rod Stewart.

I love Rod Stewart, and he's had a very interesting life. He's got loads of kids. And he's married to a police woman. Officer? Officer. Yeah, well, yeah, she's joined the police now, hasn't she? I think that's fucking amazing. But she went back and did it after, like, her modelling career and stuff.

Yeah, she was a model and photographer. Yeah, she's a police officer now. And then she became a police officer. It's exciting, isn't it? He's got loads to talk about, Rod. I've just seen loads of it. He's got his own football pitch. He used to organise a game every Sunday in LA.

And he loves trains, doesn't he? He loves model trains. He's got his model trains. Yeah, because there was a model train community thing and someone went in and trashed it when he paid for it all to be replaced. Yeah. I love those stories.

I did the Royal Variety for him, Rod Stewart. Well, I was supposed to do it with him, but he was ill and cancelled

and then you did it the year after me. What was he like? He was nice. I heard Ed Sheeran, we were walking off after the curtain call or whatever it's called.

Yeah. I don't know who Ed Sheeran was talking to, like Gregory Porter maybe or someone and he went, I've just had my ass pinched by rod stewart i'd love to have my ass pinched for sure yes my mom would as well he had tight little trousers on like my mom and dad love he still fucking dresses as rod stewart you know what i mean that's what you want for a rock star though isn isn't it? Yeah, totally. Elton John.

I like Elton John on. Oh my God. Elton John would be incredible. Yeah, it would be amazing. Mick Jagger would be good. Should we just ask? Yeah. How do you do that though?

This is the thing. I sort of like don't... Is Elton John following us on Instagram, Rob? Probably not. That's how you ask. That's how you ask. Is it?

Right. See if Paul McCartney and Elton John are following you on Instagram. I'm going to tell you now they're not. No. But while we're here, I had a few DMs with Pauline Bunton. What a lovely woman.

Yeah, I mean, that's a bit more, you know, no offence to Pauline, but she's not really McCartney, Elton John level. Paul McCartney's following eight people on Instagram. It's a long shot. Who is he following? Maybe we can get to him from there. Linda McCartney. Classic. Stella McCartney, Mary McCartney get to him from there. Linda McCartney. Classic.

Stella McCartney, Mary McCartney, Meet Free Mondays, James McCartney. He's following his children and his... And he's following his own album. Yeah. So that's looking like a long shot.

Isn't it? Who was the other one we wanted to do? Do you know the way that the easy way to win over these old school rock stars is say how much you love

one of the songs from their new album, which you obviously don't. I absolutely love track six on the new one. Elton John's following 279 people. Right. Any mutuals? Yes. Who? Three people that I know that could

drop into his DMs. Really? Alan Carr. Greg James he's following. And Clara Amfo. He's following the Peter Crouch podcast. Yeah, fucking hell. Well, he's a football fan, isn't he? Yeah, he is. He's following Marmite.

He's following Jack Grealish. John Lennon. I can't imagine he posts much, does he? Fucking terrifying that morning when John Lennon's now following you. He follows Clara Amfo. Yeah, yeah, Clara Amfo. I could say, could you just... And Jack Grealish.

Do you know Jack Grealish? No. No. I've met him, but I don't know him. I know Clara Amfo. Is this unrelatable? I know Clara Amfo. I know Clara Amfo I know Clara Amfo

I don't think he's Unrelatable He's really lovely though Elton John He helps people Doesn't he If people are struggling A little bit

And he looks after people He just sung at Derek Draper's funeral Didn't he Because he He's following Jake Daniels Who's one of the first

Professional footballers To come out as gay Plays for Blackpool Oh yeah And he came to One of my gigs He came to my Blackpool gig actually with his mate

and I was chatting to him and stuff like that so I imagined Elton John's got in touch to say if I can help you with anything because it's obviously

a lot of pressure isn't it being the first gay footballer so in conclusion we'd take anyone who's a massive rock star

for the last 50 years yeah yeah just basically yeah probably one of the most famous people in the world for a take yeah

Jay-Z or Beyonce we'd take them but if that's not going to happen we'll probably take the comedian we last did a gig with and said

give us your number we might need a guest next week have you got kids okay you go give me give me something

okay small but useful lies told to children. Adam, Rob and Josh. Just wanted to join in with a lie I've told my children. Bit of background. I admittedly swear quite a lot. I blame the influence of my Irish husband. My youngest started school in 2019, and as a small child,

he was fond of a swear word or two. Okay, that's not a great start. My kids do say piss piss but that's about it after his teacher mentioned he had dropped the s word one day i realized i need to get a grip on the situation so i told him that he wasn't allowed to swear because he didn't have his swearing license yet i explained that you have to be 16 before you're allowed to swear i already enjoyed this little lie so elaborated possibly said something about alarms and the police my eldest eight at the time backed me up anything to wind her brother up he later asked his dad when he first swore so my husband wasn't

aware of the lie but luckily he didn't know we had to stop our child from upsetting the primary school teacher and other less foul-mouthed children so he said he was 12 my son looks suspicious at the age inaccuracies but in a flash of genius i told my son that in ireland you're allowed to swear earlier. That is great. I think that's half the truth. And that is why people vote for Brexit, Rob. You're fecking idiot. He completely believed me and rarely swore from then on,

occasionally asking how many years left until he got his swearing license. I had to admit the truth to my son last week. I'm a bit sad about it. This lie has given me joy over the years. So this was when he was, he started school in 2019. So he's five, nine.

About nine now, yeah. Love the podcast. Yeah. Hey, love the podcast. I'm going Irish reading that. Yeah, so my kids, what is your kids up with swearing? So they will occasionally say piss. And then my youngest, when she meditates she goes i'm gonna meditate now

and goes pissy bum and i know what she's doing but it's sort of yeah yeah it's fun it's funny so it's worth it they love songs that have got the explicit explicit e you know on like it comes up on like your apple car play or whatever it's see i think because you've got an older daughter yes that's brought your younger daughter into this conversation. Whereas, because my oldest daughter is six, we haven't really got there yet. If that makes sense.

Well, it's only because we listened, what really ruined it for us. We was listening to Little Lion Man by the Mumford and Sons. Yeah. Mumford and Sons. The Mumford, Mumford.

Yeah, whatever. People who like music always do that. No, it's not the other. It's not the other. Yeah. Why do you hate that? Mumford, yeah, whatever. People who like music always do that. No, it's not the the there. It's not the there. I hate that. Why do you hate that?

I hated, no, I hated that I did that. I hated myself the moment I did it. It's not the Arctic Monkeys. It's Arctic Monkeys. I wouldn't do it with the Arctic Monkeys. Because I just said the Arctic Monkeys then myself. Yeah. The Gorillas.

The Blur. You wouldn't say the Blur. You're an idiot if you say the Blur. Because it's not plural. The Blur. Yeah, okay idiot if you say The Blur. Because it's not plural. The Blur. Yeah, okay, fair enough. Anyway. Mumford and Sons.

Not thee. There's that song Little Lion Man. It goes, not your fault but mine. Yeah. We fucked it. Massive fucking it. Loads of times. Oh, yeah.

It's almost like the main line of the song. Yeah, yeah. We fucked it up. So they were like, oh, that's it. We knew, my dear. So I said, you can sing along to that but you have to change that for fudged or or as it f'd it up so they know what the words are but they don't use them yeah you used them so they do i think they need to be they are aware of

them but you with swearing and stand up rob i always feel like i want to cut it out but i find myself doing it when i'm trying new material because i'm nervous and i'm trying to push it through and then that swearing sticks in the routine even by the time the routine's working if that makes sense yeah so i don't get too caught up on it at the initial stage but when i'm refining it i'll try cutting it out because you find if you're using the f word in the setup it ruins the punchline because you find if you're using the F word in the setup, it ruins the punchline. Yeah. What about if you're using a punchline?

I think the punchline's fine. Like, people can be snooty about it. Jerry Seinfeld's like, I don't use it at all, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, but he changes his stand up once every 45 years. I think Jerry Seinfeld needs to chill out. Let's not suck him off too much. I quite like him on the show. Oh, I'd love him on the show.

One of my, one of these school dads, right, sells like fancy cars. That's his job. And he's on social media media with it and he sort of uses that as a oh sorry sorry did you just open it no i just i just banged my something on the thing because i can't no so um one of the school dads has got uh sells cars fancy cars and like quite rare cars he's got a car dealership right and he uses um online to sort of show off the cars and this is what i'm doing this week and stuff like that anyway he was chatting to me about it i was like that's good it was oh you're doing the podcast isn't the podcast i was like yeah when i started doing actually talking about the different cars so the lads in the dealership we sit down and talk

about what stock we've got and stuff we've seen any new cars coming out and stuff it's fun and also it's you know and we interview people as well that love cars or different clients i was like who've you had on he said um it was like we had so and so on who's the lead designer on the bmw and we had so and so on who does this and jerry seinfeld and then we had someone else on it i was like pardon it was so like car people and that in jerry seinfeld like i was like so non-plus i was like jerry's over yeah well he loves cars and we've spoke to him before about cars when he's been over

he needs different cars I was like what? but normally he went like you know everyone's sort of got a podcast

at the moment and especially when they're sort of quite specific yeah you're like oh god here we go they're like yeah

well he's doing that as a bit of extra and it's not his actual job it's sort of a this is my actual job and he's had better bookings than me no offence to what's his what's his podcast called? oh I don't know This is my actual job and he's had better bookings than me.

No offence to... What's his podcast called? Oh, I don't know. That's bad, isn't it? Spike's Car Radio. I don't know. Cars, Coffee and Comedy, hosted by comedian... Oh, Jerry Seinfeld goes on loads of car podcasts. Oh, that makes me feel better. Oh, does it?

Because he just loves cars. So I do a lot of boxing podcasts. Yeah. More for fun than for promo. Right. Swearing. But yeah, I do swear in it. But I think in my accent, swearing slips in more.

But if you're a bit posher, I think you can get away with it. No one even notices that I swear. Yeah. They presume I don't. But if they're laughing and they're leaving happy, don't overthink it. Yeah. But if they're not laughing and they're leaving unhappy, then really rethink it all.

That's my ethos. Exactly. I still can't believe people come to shows and I sort of like, I get there and like, they do laugh. So it's not like they don't laugh and go, but I'm like, I can't believe I got something in Middlesbrough and like a thousand people turn up. Yeah. It's mental, isn mental isn't it i know it's very lucky thank you for everyone my tours announced soon so i'll see you all there and mine's announced

about six months time yeah you're yeah you're gonna you're going out just a bit after me aren't you i'm going well i can't i can't possibly say what autumn 2025 oh yeah so i'm going out in january 2025 yeah so i'm going out in January 2025 yeah so I'll announce mine in the next couple of weeks yours will be announced middle of the year probably yeah

look at us smashing off right I've got another correspondence here instant regret stories hi you sexy and relatable pair I've just been chatting about famous people

for 25 minutes to be fair it's quite relatable not being able to book them yeah I'd say it would be more unrelatable I was chatting on the phone

to Elton John the other day we've talked about all the people we can't book the fact jerry seinfeld has done a guy from schools for a guy from your school's podcast but not yours yeah and the fact that the only person i really know i used to play for plymouth and he's called ronnie mario so i wouldn't say roger no not roger i wouldn't say we've been that yeah you know hoity-toity following on from rob's story about his brother's hacks job and his child's fringe, my wife and I have a similar fail story when we tried to cut our daughter's

nails. My daughter was not liking her nails being cut and you have to cut them because they get so sharp. I've got a tip on that. Go on. My daughter hated having her nails cut. Yeah. Hated it.

But filing was, filing has saved us. Ah, and like a little bit of cardboard one was it an electric filer no a metal filer yeah or like one of those it's like the one rose uses yeah obviously we'll all know that yeah what is that made out of it's like sandpaper yeah of course actually yeah i listened to this one it's not it's not metal, is it? Summit board. It's called summit board. It's like a lolly stick with some sandpaper on it. Yes, and every woman stereotypically listening to this is screaming the name of that. Yeah, yeah.

I've got no idea, but it's a lolly stick with sandpaper on, and they sit watching the telly scratching their nails on it. So we do that. We just say to my daughter, do it yourself. Sandpaper. And she just does it herself, and it's fine. But what about when she was really little? Did you file it like that? Emery board!

Emery board. Amanda Emery board. No one's laughing at that. That's your PR lady. That's my PR. Amanda's loving it. She's, ah, shout out to Amanda. Now, yeah, so when she was a little baby, you'd do the file on it. We just had to push through and she hated it as a baby.

But when we discovered the Emery board and that she could do it herself, that was a real game changer. So I'd recommend that. Okay, well, here's Luke's story. My daughter was not liking her nails being cut, which meant we had to do it when she was asleep. One night we couldn't find the child clippers. We attacked her talons in the semi-dark using the adult ones.

Oh, my God. A mid-dream flinch from my daughter resulted in me snipping her finger and not her nail, and blood started to pour out. Oh, my God. Fuck off. Oh, no. Obviously alarmed and in immense pain, she awoke from a deep sleep screaming to see blood

and her dad sucking her finger, saying it's all going to be okay. Oh, my God. Oh, that is nightmare fuel. With blood in his mouth. Once the plaster had been secured, she eventually went off to sleep and proceeded to tell the childminder the next day, Daddy cut my finger when I was asleep.

Who knows how much therapy will cost to convince her I'm not a vampire. Thanks, Luke. P.S. It wasn't a deep bad cut, but just enough for the blood. She was fine the next day. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm making it. It's all going to be okay. I'm sucking her finger blood everywhere.

Fucking Nora. I told you about that when I tried to bottle feed my daughter when she was asleep. I didn't put the lid on properly and just poured the whole bottle over her face. Oh, God. Oh, God. Life's tough. Right. Small business, Life's tough. Right. Small business,

Josh, before we go. One more question from Matthew and lots of others. When are Lou and Rose coming back on? Oh yes,

we need to put that in. Soon. We booked it in, Rob. Oh, have we? Yeah. Oh, we booked Rose in, haven't we? We booked Rose in.

And then we'll do Lou after. Yeah, so soon. So get your questions in for them. Because we need Rose in first to see if you are still together. Because every time I've asked, you've said she's not in the house. So it would be quite nice to hear from her

before the conspiracy theories take control. Yeah. Oh, God. Right. Maybe I'm just going to pretend I'm still with Rose for 10 years to keep the podcast going. Actually, I think the podcast, it would be better for the podcast if you had split up. Yeah, know i don't want you to i'm saying it's a juicier

and everyone has a juicy you know story people know it's other people's pain don't they that's the problem yeah and i'm not saying that we have split up no i'm not saying um you're like jada pinkett smith and will smith you're still together but separate you know sometimes if you've got mates that are split up and they've got kids and you'll go, so how do you work it? And they'll go, so I do, you know, they'll give you the days and they go, so half the days I'm with

the kids and then half the days just time to myself. And sometimes I do think... Those days seem nice. What's that like? What's that like? Right, here's a small piece of shout, yeah? Yeah.

This one's from Bromley. Divorce lawyers. Divorce lawyers. There's a Bromley one here. We get loads of selfies. Why do we get so many selfies? Yeah, I don't know. It's like a kind of self-petrating myth

because they go, oh, my mate got one on. I'll send it in. And then it just keeps going, I suppose. I don't know. There we go. I'd love a small piece of shout out for my new Bromley-based business, Eat, Sleep, Dream, Repeat. That is a small catchment area.

I'd say you could go Kent, Southeast. Do you know what I mean? Like, put a bit of shift in it. I've got my new small business. I'm a stand-up comedian, Bromley-based. We'll do gigs in Bromley only. Anyway, run by me and my husband, Mark, we offer stylish sleepover parties for kids in

southeast london and kent oh they've got they've extended it we will turn up with mini indoor tents beds fairy lights and themed decor to create a magical sleepover party not having to build mini tents or blah and this mattress is like looted yeah lou had a nightmare with that don't do it yourself it's too much hard work and you've got to store it somewhere now for your daughter's birthday in december we will do it all for you we have we haven't used these people by the way yet um we might do may not we have loads of themes from rose gold and movie night to football and gaming we've even teamed up with fellow bromley business and parenting health favorite crazy pickle oh yeah oh here we go there we go this is i've been told by the pickles the old crazy pickles yeah they've got a double

shower here crazy pick um to offer our customers midnight feast grazing boards and grazing tables we can be found at eat sleep dream repeat.com or instagram and facebook at eat sleep dream repeat events stay sexually relatable alison bromley hello rob josh and michael my name is michelle and i run a business called find your spark which specializes in working with children young adults and adults young people and adults with adhd it is true yeah get yourself down there boy yeah this follows on from my late diagnosis of adhd at 37 years old so now i want to help others not go through as much of a struggle as i did we deliver adhd coaching one-on-one and in groups across essex as well it's nice to get out of kent somewhere different groups across Essex as well it's nice to get out of Kent somewhere different groups across Essex as well as off these servers online as well website is www.findyourspark.co.uk Instagram at find your spark ADHD and as a special gift listeners and podcasts can have

10% off any services we want to help as many people as possible thank you so much for making me laugh and smile over the years I do like I do love the way that we both go we might have adhd but like we've sort of just found jobs where we can cope and deal with it but we both pay privately for therapy when we need when our head completely falls off i'd say we've sort of we've took the problem we've took the problem out of the hands of the nhs and just gone somewhere to get help because we're in very privileged position to do so so if you do think you need adhd diagnosis to help get yourself down there it's good to know knowledge is power josh yeah see you next week bye