Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP17: A GIRAFFE AT THE BRIT AWARDS

Episode Date: March 5, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond... with Rob and Josh. Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with Bodie, can you say Rob? Rob. Can you say Beckett?

Beckett. Josh? Josh. Whittaker? Whittaker. Well done. There we go. I think that's got to be the cutest we've ever had.

It was lovely, wasn't it? But Bowden. Bowden, not like the clothes. B-E-A-U, as in bow. D-E-N. Thanks for the last name. B-E-A-U. I'm Googling.

Bowden. Is that a boy or a girl's name? It's a boy. This is my son, Bowden. 18 months old. Doing well for 18 months. Sorry, Josh. He finds Widdicombe hilarious. Rob, I bought tickets for the Cheltenham gig of your tour

in the pre-sale. Yes, good on you. Is she Australian or New Zealand? Because I found a Boden that's a rugby player. She's, well, she's from near Cheltenham. She's from Hereford. She's from Hereford. Oh, right, OK. I thought my luck was in. Tickets tickets were right near the front only to realize I'm second row from the

back that's bloody better the way Beckett picks on the front row they'll be roasted from Jess and Bodie oh good thank you very much buying tickets I'll see you there thanks to everyone that's bought tickets to the tour I'm very excited previews are going well good good mostly p.s dawn french would be an incredible guest to speak about adopting i'll be honest with you jess we haven't been offered her and turned her down we we would take dawn french we would 100% take dawn french yeah i'd love dawn french um tour shows going well rob i did a preview on friday on thursday oh how's it um i hadn't had any time to work on it between the gigs yeah yeah that's my problem i keep going i'll order this and i never do yeah yeah and steve a merchant's on before me and it's so well ordered

yeah exactly perfectly written jokes structured i've had i've had a nightmare getting steve a merchant to be the opening act he's really he's made it much harder. It was what people are describing as an arrogant move so basically I've been doing, Rob Beckett and at least one friend work in progress gigs, I was chatting to Stephen Merchant a thing and I said well I'm doing these gigs if you want to do some gigs, he's basically said yes to all of them

so now I go on after probably one of the greatest comedy minds this country has ever produced and it is hard it's hard. It's like attitude training. It's so funny. And he's not just funny. It's so well put together because he's brilliant at that sort of structure of it.

I just look like I'm mental. My structure really does come in late in the day. But very much pulling a china shop yeah anyway anyway rob let's talk to you we will get on to parenting but there's been an incredible demand online for the first exclusive interview shall i break my silence with the giraffe from the brit awards that's what they were saying the things were they if someone runs an article about something they go but rob beckett breaks his silence yeah you know jerry horner breaks her silence by kissing christian horner at the bahrain grand prix stuff like that yeah um can i just say i've spent the last month of my life dealing with the fact i work with bigfoot from my singer

now and now i'm the guy that works for the giraffe from the brit awards yeah i'm basically a modern day rod hull you've got your hand up our asses i've got my hand up our arses. I've got my hand up your arses. And my other hand in the bloody cash register. It's you guys put my kids through school. You're not getting a cut of my tour. No, but it's good. It all reflects back on me, Rob.

It all reflects back on me. The last leg figures go up. Yeah. Our listening figures go up. What am I doing? I'm dressed in a stripy T-shirt. I don't give a fucking shit. Yeah, it's going to have a big impact on your your career maybe they'll start spelling your name right on the tv we'll come to that we'll come to that well no so talk me through it from the start yeah for people

that don't know well yeah i went to the i was invited to the brits to give out an award and um i decided to wear an inflatable giraffe outfit to sort of promote my tour called giraffe um so basically i was doing this and lou was like getting a nice dress and all sort and i hate dressing up to these things and i found it so awkward the bridge is it black tie it would have been a suit wouldn't it no everyone's dressing like men yeah i would have worn a suit but like everyone's dressed up looking like mental we're all we're all friends with joel here but his t-shirt was cut too low for my yeah he had a sort of a deep deep you, you can get away with that, though. He's got a lovely chest.

I know. Of course he has, Rob. Of course he has. He's got a lovely chest. He looked great, and it made me hate him more. Well, so basically, no one cares if you're a 38-year-old comedian at the Brits at all, but you have to do the red carpet. No one takes a photo.

No one really talks to you. And if they do talk to you, it's like, wow, what do ray and i'm like she's amazing she's brilliant and then you just sort of sit down about ray rob what's that do you know when the first time i listened to ray was yesterday yeah the morning after the brits she's i know ray actually i i'm i'm into ray um she's brilliant um but how do you know how do you know ray oh no i don't know her but i know i know her music and i listen to i'm not like friends with ray um even though she's south london as well um anyway so i'll go invite and i'll talk do you know what no one's gonna care if i go i'm gonna feel really self-conscious anyway wearing normal clothes why don't i just

go as an inflatable giraffe and then it'll get loads of photos become a bit of a thing everyone will talk to me and then it's great promo for the tour. And then I'll be on the front of the papers as long as Jerry Horner doesn't kiss her husband after he's sent. Ginger Spice strikes me down again with P.I. It's all together now. But I text you about it and I text my agent and I was like, do you reckon I should do it? Everyone was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I felt fine about it. Ordered the suit, didn't think anything of it. Yeah. The day of the Brits, I felt like I was sitting, my GCSEs, my driving test, first I was just silent all day like I was going to the gallows. It must have been nice for Lou. It must have been a blessed relief. I tell you what she she's never she's never felt better she's having a great time anyway anyway so i've got the outfit on but i was wearing my normal outfit on underneath

to get changed into so did you you're getting picked up in a car quite early in the afternoon right 4 p.m i had to have two rum and cokes yeah but then but i had a rum and coke in the car to the brits i've never needed a piss never needed a piss so much of my life i can't get out of it wow you don't want to do that in an inflatable outfit no so you can't stop at the services as a giraffe and then it's got um he had the inflatable like fan thing at the back which was digging into my back so was that on that wasn't on in no no no i had it deflated in the car with my head not through properly and then i had to put the head that once i got to the o2 i had to put my head through the thing which is quite difficult i had spare batteries and a screwdriver in my pocket also big up energizer great batteries

but i'm not getting paid for this energizer lasted me about an hour and a half those little shit batteries they sell you at the entertainer. I think it's the entertainer. The toy shop in Bromley. He went, oh, do you want some batteries? And they were like quite cheap. They lasted about 10 minutes, actually. So I've got that in my pockets.

We get there. Can I just ask a question? Yeah, go on. What was the conversation like in the car? You ask questions because I don't know what's normal anymore. Because I feel like I've been to space after after doing this thing so how how was the stretch did you have music on to try and calm yourself or like because if it was me i'd probably be listening to like oasis or something to try and really like hype myself no that in an alpha manner do you know

what i mean i had to med i did a lot of meditating in the day. So basically my idea was, I want to go and do this because it'd be good to sell tickets to the tour. It'd be good promo. Part of me goes, I don't want to do that because I look stupid. People think I'm a wanker. It looks attention seeking. They think that anyway. I just feel like no one gives a fuck really.

And I'm like, oh, it's a bit attention seeking. It's all attention seeking. You're on the red carpet of the Brits. It's all attention seeking, isn't it? So I'm in the car. I'm quiet. Lou's quiet. It's all attention-seeking. You're on the red carpet of the Brits. It's all attention-seeking, isn't it? So, I'm in the car. I'm quiet. Lou's quiet.

Lou's quite nervous. Why go to the Brits at all if you're worried about attention? No, no, no, no. Sorry, I wasn't... I thought that was a question. No.

No, what I mean is, if you're going to the Brits, have a fucking laugh with it. Exactly. So, it's quite quiet in the car. I had to explain the outfit to Dave, the driver, who didn't know what was going on. Just to be clear, not the Brit award-winning rapper.

No, no, not Dave. Not that Dave. I haven't got him driving me. No, no, in the car's quiet. Very quiet. Have you explained it to the driver? Yeah, but he doesn't really understand. No.

He's sort of nodding along and like yeah he thought basically he was like i should have had jewel leap or something i've got this fucking idiot driving for the brits my kylie who have i got this moron yeah anyway so you get out the car but i have to time the inflation because i can't get out with it outinflated. All right, I'll miss you sooner. I can't inflate it in the car or I won't be able to get out of the car. Yeah. And what's Lou do? Is Lou worried about getting out of the car with you? And being caught in friendly fire?

Lou does not like attention. No. And she's arrived at the grits. Alone being like the plus one of a twat. The plus one of a twat. Well, we need to really, we'll get Lou on so you can talk. So anyway, I get out of the car and then it doesn't

inflate, Josh. And if you think the inflated giraffe looks sad, the flaccid giraffe neck on top of a man trying to flog a tour is one of the saddest images you'll ever see. And then basically Lou shuffled round behind me and then Lou helped me because I was panicking,

and she had to help me because my head went, because I couldn't get to the thing to inflate it. Which one? Anyway, I get it inflated, and as soon as I'm in there, I'm in work mode, and it's fine. I think actually there's a safety to being in there. Because at home, in a car, I'm just Rob, this little fat loser from South East London

that is scared of everyone and everything. And now I'm that knob off the telly. And now you are the Geoffrey from Toys R Us. Yeah. So as soon as I'm in there, it's easier because I'm just basically at work. Was it hot? No, it was freezing because it was like an industrial estate. And what are you wearing underneath? A T-shirt, jeansshirt jeans and shoes right so has lou got to carry a suit she's holding my jacket

and i it was on a coat hanger and i went do you want to hold on the coat hanger over and i went i don't hold on a fucking coat hanger i look like your assistant i just put it over my arm yeah so she carried it under arm you know what she's right so then i'm wandering around having photos and then green lou loves green day yeah yeah she's got tickets to green day right yeah um because she lied to me about the music she liked when we first met okay yeah she said she was into like india like libertines that she hates yeah she likes green day and jls yeah quite well that's quite broad taste in a way there's a few people that just like green day jls um. Anyway, so I was the giraffe and then one of the not lead singer from Green

Day. Right, not Billy Joe Armstrong. The other one started humping me from behind. Humping the giraffe. Because they're fucking rebels, mate. They're fucking rebels till they die. I'm American, idiot. You don't put a giraffe in front of the bass player from Green Day and not expect him to fuck it up the arse.

Come on. I love your life. They are the most American people. It's like they were created in a lab. Yeah, I saw the picture of Green Day. The punk look doesn't really hold when you're in your 50s, does it? Oh, mate, it was like Madame Tussauds, the live show. The face, he was penetrating a giraffe.

His face didn't move. Not a flicker. Absolutely nothing. So I'm not getting rogered by the geezer from Green Day. Lou's like, I've never seen him more jealous. Yeah. Wish it was me in a giraffe outfit. Can I ask a question?

I don't know how to put this without offending green day but i don't think they're listening lou asked me to keep the outfit on when we got him yes yeah yeah yeah we didn't get one photo of us in nice clothes it's only me and the giraffe was there any green day semen on the giraffe that possibly i could keep as i could say just put it in a little tin with some ticket stuff um no did you while dressed as the giraffe and i mean no offense to green day sure see anyone that you like respected no right okay because i had no no there is in a minute okay basically there were like a couple of people a bit annoyed so when we sat at the table later on we was on there

with ashley from so Solid Crew and Top Boy. You know Ashley? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ashley D. Ashley's an actor now. He was there and he was chatting to the guy who plays Marley. You weren't dressed as a giraffe. I weren't dressed as a giraffe, just in normal clothes.

I put my jacket on. Oh, yeah. I jumped ahead a bit. We'll go back to the red carpet bit. But I was at the table. So it was a lady from Downton. Frog, frog, frog it, Joanne, frog it, frog it. I don't know.

I don't know. Can I ask a question there? Because I'd have... Are you told who these people are? Because otherwise I'd have a fucking nightmare. Because I'm not like, there's the guy that played Bob Marley in that film I haven't seen. No, unless he's in character.

Yeah. In which case I'm like, what the fuck's going on here? Bob Marley's here. Also as well, if you're sat next to a black actor, you can't go, what did you do, Bob Marley? What are you in, Downton Abbey? Yeah.

So my guess is... What's that, RuPaul? My guess is a top boy, Bob Marley, Downton Abbey. guess is a top boy bob marley down an abbey so it actually was chatting to the the guy of kingsley i think his name is i couldn't remember everyone's name and they were talking about like lawyers in la and it was quite a serious actor chat and then there was jamie winston with melanie black from all saints but All Saints and the lady from Downton Abbey. It's weird, isn't it? Because people, I remember that episode where we asked

what your dream dinner party would be. It's amazing they managed to get them all in one place. I mean, I'd say between all of us, we had nothing in common. We got a good go. They were all lovely. Was Lou the only only as other people brought partners yeah so

so yeah someone was with their friend someone was with their agent Jamie Winston's friends with Melanie Black from All Saints but she had like a suit jacket on and glasses

and at the start I didn't realise it was Melanie Black from All Saints yeah anyway so we sat down and it's all a bit awkward because no one knows anyone

we're only there because we've given out awards and then it was like yeah how was it when you had some fucking prick Ashley from some fucking prick, Ashley from,

some fucking prick dressed in a giraffe got in my way. He didn't know I was making it. I was like, nightmare. The things people will do

for a bit of press. He was good looking though, wasn't he? Great ass on him. He was just like, no, no, no, that was quite funny. At that point,

what would happen in the sitcom is the giraffe in your bag he was just like that was quite funny at that point what would happen in the sitcom is the giraffe in your bag would inflate by mistake and come up next to you

so Lou Lou's it's completely gone at this point I'll get back to but she'd met Green Day on the red carpet right

and they're a fate and had a photo with her but she's had to have a photo with her husband just as a giraffe with Green Day right yeah

so she said that. Anyway, we sat at the table. It's all quite overwhelming. And the ladies from the Brits come and went, oh, here you go, Robin Lou. Kylie Minogue's given you a bottle of her wine. And she signed a bottle of her wine. And Lou's like, oh, okay, thank you.

And then Lou's like, I've been watching Downton Abbey, catching up on it. And I've just watched her every day for six months. I'm going a bit mad. And that Kingsley guy who did Bob Marley was in Barbie, and the girls were obsessed with him. And then she's all a bit overwhelmed,

because it is quite an overwhelming experience. Can I just ask a question? Why is Kylie sent over a bottle of wine? No idea. Right. And she did that for everyone? All the people giving out the awards. Oh, right.

Right, right, right. So I sit in my giraffe outfit in my signed Kylie bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the lady comes over and goes, oh, hi, Rob and lou um are you okay being filmed at the start of the show roman kemp and maya jammer and clara ampha talking about love island we're gonna do a kiss cam and we're gonna put everyone in the kiss sam so we want you and lou to be on the kiss cam lou's face is like oh my god she's like i have a ventilator and i was like

do what he was like okay i'll do it so at the start of the show, it goes to me and Lou. Does it? And it's like Robert and Lou. And Lou's like, what the fuck? And then I kiss her. And then she grimaced after I kissed her. Yeah. Comedy chops, mate.

Well, I don't know. Anyway, so poor Lou was. She knows what she's bloody doing. We're back to the red carpet. We're on the red carpet. And then we do the Green Day thing. Go around the corner. Now I'm getting interviewed with people, which is good. i'm getting all that stuff i wanted it's quite shameless sort

of plug in and then um i get around to lad they go lad bible want to talk to you okay of course fine that bible were there and then there's this geezer dressed like a big shoulder american geezer short big shoulders weird long hair mustache and like going crazy i'm like fair enough everyone's got to do what i've got to do i'm dressed as draft he's trying i don't know if he's a singer or what he is but he's going for it right anyway so they go okay thanks and they move him on they go lad by i want to talk to you he goes who the fuck's this guy and i was like oh hello mate i went let's just start because i've never like cutting his interview short and i was like oh they've asked to talk to me and what the get out of here man what the fuck you doing here and i started getting a bit by then I've had four rums and I'm like

I'm pumping on adrenaline I went oh fuck off will ya and he was like what the hell you doing here man he went get out of my town we don't need you here he's South London and it's an interview for Ladbible I've never been more needed in my life this is what it's all built up to

me as a giraffe at the Brits in South London talking to Ladb life this is this is what it's all built up to me as a giraffe at the brits in south london talking to lad bar but this is this is it and then and then he went off and then my my costume started deflating and that was quite degrading because of the new batteries anyway i've done the red carpet and now lou always said do the drafting but don't wear it for the dinner or giving out because that is a bit disrespectful and a bit needy it's like yeah you're right do that a bit of a pr stunt and just get on with it and have a nice evening. So as we get around the corner, you have to wait for another car

to take you from the red carpet to the venue, right? I duck around the corner and I think, oh, there's no one here, right? I've basically got to take the draft costume off, take my vest off and put on... Why your vest? Because it's so hot. I thought it would be hot in there,

so I wore a vest underneath the draft outfit to put on my T-shirt and my nice jacket. But I had to take my shoes off in order to get the giraffe outfit fully off. But at the moment, I've just got the... Why didn't you just go to the toilet? There wasn't a toilet, and I was going straight to the venue. And I thought I was in a safe area. Anyway, so I stripped down.

I'm topless, bent over, trying to get my shoes off. Oh, no, not Green Day. Back in for another pummel. No, you know who said anyone would respect? Rio Ferdinand walks in. Oh, no. Oh trying to get my shoes off. Oh no, not Green Day, back in for another pummel. No, you know, you said anyone you respect, Rio Ferdinand walks in. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Do you know him? I bet you've met him before, have you? I haven't met him before.

Oh God, I have. He lives around the corner. I really want to be his mate. We're neighbours, it would work. Yeah. I know football, he knows football, both South London, live around the corner. This could work, right, as Fred. He's a nice bloke, Rio Ferdinand fernand great guy well you've interviewed his wife kate's lovely i'll get on with her i know she'll get on with lou this could be a great little like couple's dinner i'm bent over gut out tits flopping about trying to get my shoes off drafts around my ankles at this point rio and

kate don't know i've come as a giraffe they They just see me with no clothes on. They look a million bucks. Kate looks unbelievable in this sort of cocktail dress. Ria Fernandes, he's wearing a beige full length like fur sort of like coat thing, fake fur I think, with a big gold pendant on it. He looks. Like a gangster. Like he looks, yeah, he looks like a gangster from New York in the 50s. Yeah, yeah.

And he's six foot six. Yeah. He's like a Greek gold. He's still got it. He's still got it. Oh, he looks like a gangster from New York in the 50s. Yeah, yeah. And he's six foot six. Yeah. He's like a Greek god. He's still got it. He's still got it. Oh, he's humble. He walked the corner. He was so much bigger than me.

I once hugged Rio Ferdinand. You're right. And I can still feel the muscles. You know when you can feel it through three layers? Yeah, he's so ripped. If you felt his body through a puffer jacket, you're like, blime at that feel those biceps or you cuddle them in their butt you can feel like lumps of muscle on their back because and i don't want to get too much into it you remember him as quite a kind of not gangly but elegant thin player yeah but that was compared to other footballers

but when you put him in the context of a normal person he's been putting the gains in he's been putting the gains in and he's been putting the gains in. And he was absolutely, and I just, I was just like, this is the most pathetic I've ever felt. And he was like, you're right,

mate, what's going on? I was like, oh, I've just got to change my top. Cause I got a bit hot and sweaty. So I've got a clean top and I've been a drought. And he's like,

all right. And he's like, we don't, we neighbors that we live. I was like, yeah, yeah. And then we got a chat and it was,

and then we saw him when I had clothes on after. Yeah. Swap numbers? We did actually. Yeah, we got. And do you know what? I think in a way he respected my vulnerability. Did you tell him why you were getting chained?

Does he know about giraffe? He does now. I wouldn't say that he's on the mailing list. He went up for pre-sale? I'm honestly, once my tall penis is announced, my time at the Bathbush is going to be

an absolute nightmare. What are you going to call your tour? Do you know yet? No, I don't know yet. Right. It's a lot of pressure on your PR stunts. Well, particularly as I'm not, you know, I'm not. Do you know what I was thinking about you, Rob?

Yeah. Because I was so impressed with this. And I don't know if you're aware of, and I mean this, I was thinking this yesterday. So Neil Tennant from the Pet Shop Boys, right? He says every band has, every great band has an imperial face, which is the period of their career when creatively and commercially they're just at their peak and everything they do is like just in tune

and right and perfect. And like, I feel like these last couple of years I've watched, it feels like you are, I always feel like me you Joe James Acaster Romesh and you do you know what I mean yeah but you are like this is Rob Beckett it's imperial face the guy that can go to the Brits dressed as I know it sounds mad yeah but to go to the Brits dressed as a giraffe I think your imperial face started when you ate the chicken and it's now reached the point where you're a giraffe at the bridge and i'm excited to watch and i mean that like i'm excited yeah well you know amazing i just don't i just don't care anymore what people think and i just i used

to care so much and it killed me so i just really and i in a way it's sort of like do you want to do it yes and that's all that's the end of the conversation just do it so if anyone at home wants to wear a giraffe to a work event this is funny though luke lose i love i love luke so much she's so supportive and bless her she had to go to that while i'm doing that and she's in the background of these videos and all stuff like that and i love her to pieces and i couldn't do most of these things without her sort of support and and stuff not that anything i did i just wore a fucking silly outfit but you know some partners might be giving you a bit of grief over it but when we was there like because it's a lot of live event there's a lot of camera people that i know from telly and stuff that were there floor managers because it's such a big event of course and then there was a

lot because we was right in the corner loads of people saying hello and that stuff like that and i was like luke everyone keeps up coming up saying hello how do i know all these people like that and she went rob it's because when anyone walks past you get their eyes shake their hand Lou, everyone keeps coming up to you and saying hello. How do I know all these people? Like that. And she went, Rob, it's because when anyone walks past, you get their eyes, shake their hand and go, hello, I'm Rob. And I was like, oh, yeah. That's probably how. She went, they're not coming up to you.

You're going up to them. So that was really good. My mum rung me and went, oh, I didn't really like that, the giraffe thing. I didn't really like it. What, the giraffe thing? Yeah, she went, I didn't like that. I went, I just thought, I'd just rather you didn't do that. I went, I'll tell you what, yeah.

Do you want a new oven? Because you've got one and we wouldn't have it without a fucking giraffe, all right? So wind your neck in and I'll pop mine out. Hey, that's a good bit of business. Can you confirm or deny what we're all thinking, which is you'll be dressed as the giraffe for the encore of Giraffe? Well, know what i said though the girls are coming on tour with me to australia and probably some of the uk the palladium because there's all my london palladium dates are on

sale now so if you want to come and see me i'm doing a uh two week run at the london palladium which even if you don't like me i think just come and support a guy that used to be a market trader in like a society experiment but um i might get little outfits for the girls to wear to come on and because they want to do that so i might put it on it's hard to get in and out of so i probably won't wear it for the tour but yeah bit of an effort bit of a fucking i'm worried people are going to turn up to the tour in it though because it's terrible for someone sat behind if you are thinking of wearing the giraffe outfit to the tour please deflate for the show i i think do you know like i was saying about like this is peak beckett i feel

like giraffe is it's all come together i mean i haven't seen the show it might be shit yeah that's the one thing i've got to work on but it has all come together in the last couple of years where you've totally understood who you are what you want to do um I sound like I'm like we've been to one of those serious but like you know and this is totally stupid it's just I found this Rob with going back to stand up that I just really enjoy funny and there's you forget about that do you know what I mean there's all when you're interviewed about your tour they're always like so what's all, when you're interviewed about your tour, they're always like, so what's it about?

And you just want to go, it's just fucking funny. Yeah, you'll come and laugh. And that's it. There doesn't need to be a point. It doesn't need to be serious. No. You just got to get people aware of it, get them in the room and make them laugh,

and they'll leave happy. Someone in Guildford has spent 30 quid on their night off. Yeah. They want to have a fucking good night. And they're getting it. They're getting it hard. Josh, should we talk about parenting? Oh, yeah, yeah. And then we'll talk about you being on Smart TV. Let's do parenting and then Smart TV. It's a bit worky, but

it's quite a busy work period for us, guys. Well, I think people have come to this episode, hopefully some of them, are wanting the giraffe story you know sometimes there's various episodes where it's a special event you know what i mean yeah but no i've got some good parenting stuff though go on this week i've had a busy weekend so i took um my uh so first of all loads happened this week actually first of all um my daughter i

told my daughter's in a football team yeah i missed her first game though because i was at work but i'm going to her second game on tuesday um i missed the first game um but she scored a goal oh yes please and then lou texts me and i burst into tears oh my word so i don't know what traumas that's unlocked yeah yeah that's something deep there um yeah i don't want to i don't want to start scratching at that but every time she scores i burst into tears even if i'm not there yes so that is i was backstage at the national fish and chip awards but the awards was great so i'm not blaming them that was great winston churchill impersonator was there have i told you about this no it was winston churchill impersonator what what tool was he trying to sell?

Anyway, if you're interested in the best fish and chips of the country, Ship Deck in Caerphilly. Anyway, so something deep is going on there, so we'll have to keep an eye on the old football thing. Yeah. Then on Sunday, I took her... You went to the football with her? Yes, so I took her to her first ever football match. Burst into tears.

Well, I kept on crying during the day. Oh, God. I don't know what's going on. I think the Brits is probably more stressful than you thought. A hundred percent. And you're in a weird mental space because of it. Yes, because it was normally I would have just tapped out of that through being anxious.

But I used to not be able to go to kids' parties when I was younger because I was so anxious. So what's in the way is the way so if you're scared of a roller coaster you're scared of a party just go that's how i operate now but it doesn't mean it's not emotionally exhausting not yes i'm not looking for sympathy but if i've just done that and there's a bit of pride that i've faced a challenge if i'm at the football with my daughter that is into it and loving it. And now I'm seeing an opportunity to be into football with my daughter for the next 20 years. Yeah.

Yeah, sure. I did cry when Russo scored against Tottenham ladies and tried to cuddle my daughter and not let her see. Yeah. Of course. It was amazing though. So he went and watched the football,

but I got a bougie experience, Josh, because I got invited by the barclays wsl and they said do you want to come and watch and i was like that'll be perfect that's the women's super league just super league yeah so it's arsenal versus tottenham at the emirates and they've been selling out 60 000 people more people yeah went to the arsenal tottenham game than the manchester derby because the stadium's bigger in in london yeah it's an amazing experience and i look i love football i love men's football and I love women's football.

It's two different experiences. I cannot in good faith take my children to men's football. No. It's too toxic. When they're older, maybe if they're 15, 16, I think I'd take them. But it's swearing. It's aggressive. It's horrible.

It is unpleasant. When I go to watch Plymouth away now, and you don't get to choose where you go when you go to an away match, obviously, you're just thrown in. There is, it's a weird thing to say, the fucking edge is insane. It's hard. There's too many, not everyone, obviously. There's a lot of people.

It feels like there's a lot of cheap cocaine going around and expensive ones but don't get me wrong i do love the bit of that i love a bit of like everyone but like not cocaine i love cocaine how did i get through the dritz so i tell you it's a long way down with that neck on. I feel like men's football is like Trainspot in the film, where women's football is all like American pie, where you're still, you can, like, everyone was still booing the Tottenham players,

shouting at the ref. There was still that atmosphere of football, but people go, there's not as much passion in women's as men's. But I think screaming, you fucking cunt, get up, you shit cunt. I think that's too much. I think there's a lot of people who are putting too much of their emotional well-being in the back of football teams. A hundred percent. And I don't know whether that passion is a good thing for your life.

I agree. So we were still singing We Ate Tottenham and Stand Up If You Ate Tottenham. It was still going on, but it was a bit more. We're still having a laugh. Yeah, we still boo them and hate them and cheer when they go down. Yeah, you were cheering an injured woman. That's fine. And you know what?

That is a quality because I didn't care what gender they were. I would laugh at a hurt man and hurt woman. quality because I didn't care what gender they were I would laugh at a hurt man and hurt woman and uh anyway so there's loads of families and it's a lovely experience and a great introduction to football without all the I think my daughter would a bit would have been scared off of it a bit because it's so aggressive anyway it was brilliant I thoroughly recommend it and especially going to the Arsenal because it's a full stadium yeah you. You know, it feels like a proper atmosphere. It's not like half empty, which sometimes it can be. But what's so interesting,

so I got invited to it and I was like, do you want a couple of tickets to go? And I thought, right, it's a midday game on a Sunday. That's perfect. It's my other daughter's at a party. Anyway, I get there, look at the tickets. This is the first time she's gone to football, my daughter. Okay.

Yeah. We go to the shop, a lot of photos. That's fine fine but it's a little bit annoying because I'm trying to take photos of my daughter at the ground and with me but then I'm having to do loads and it's fine but her first experience of football was like just waiting for me to have photos so I thought oh god is this going to be like this anyway we get to the thing I don't really look at the tickets and realize we're in the diamond entrance all right we've been we're in the Diamond Entrance. All right. We're invited to hospitality. My daughter's first experience of football.

We go in an elevator up two floors. We walk in, get seated at a table where there's a buffet and a table service. Oh, my God. Ian Wright is being interviewed. Amazing. My childhood hero is being interviewed. Yeah, she doesn't know who he is. No idea.

Just a man talking while she's trying to eat chicken nuggets. Anyway, so we do that, and then she gets given some sweets as we go out to sit on these leather seats that are heated. Oh, my word. She sat there, she went, I love football, and I bet you fucking do. This is her first game. My first game was Arsenal-Tottenham, and we were in the Arsenal Old Highbury next to the Tottenham away fans.

A Tottenham fan ripped a chair out of the ground and threw it, and it landed on my head. She's got a warm arse. And then she was like, wait, because we met up with Lou's sister before, and she went, where's Beth? Where's Beth? I was like, she's up there. And she went, oh, God, right.

I mean, can we sit with her next time? I was like, yeah, but it's quite different to where we're sat now. And she was like, will I have a reheated seat? No. No. No. You will not. But I put my Stone Island jacket on her lap just to give her a bit of taste

of the real stuff. Yeah, of course. Of course. And did she enjoy the full 90 minutes or did she get bored? Do you know what? She absolutely loved it. And it was a good game, but it wasn't like the most exciting game. It was 1-0, wasn't it?

It was 1-0. So she was like, what happens when they score? I was like, we go wild. And when we scored she lost to mine and she absolutely loved it and it was yeah she

Arsenal good I don't know yeah so they're much better than Tottenham they were all over them Tottenham had a couple chances but they scored and she loved actually

working out who the players was who her favourite player was looking at the numbers on the programme and all that she got a hat and it was so cute and just seeing her

at Arsenal with a little hat and scarf on so that's when I was like oh my god I'm in the football with my daughter and she loves it so yeah it was a it was a brilliant day so that was I would thoroughly recommend women's football and yeah it's a different experience but I think it's a better introductory experience for kids and families and don't be scared off of going um and for the and Ian Wright said a good thing as well.

This lady asked a question, she said, how do I explain to my all boys school about women's football and why we sort of need to support it and stuff like that? And what are my answers if they say, oh, it's not as good as men's football and things like that? And he said, basically, and I didn't know this, that women were banned from playing football in 1921. It was illegal basically and

then they weren't allowed to play again till 71 so it's 50 years because women's football was massive in the 20s and then they stopped it and basically he said in any industry if you one gender wasn't allowed to play at 50 years of course there'd be a gap in the sort of the levels but that and he was saying that now there's funding in it and people are into it and people are coming to watch and there's money going into it now. The next generation of players are unbelievable. And he said that the next 15 years, it's going to jump hugely

because people like Leah Williamson that won the Euros was like, was it your dream to win? It was like, this didn't exist when I was a kid. But now there's a whole generation of kids go, you can play at Wembley and win a trophy and stuff like that so it's absolutely brilliant i'm a full convert um and um yeah you can like both men's and women's and i think there's a lot of different stuff and it's much better for families as an introductory at a young age obviously when she's older she wants to go men's i'll take her but she can enjoy herself without going why is

that man spilling beer on me i'm ask, could you control the heating on your seats or is it going the whole time? Now, I don't want to complain for my ivory tower, but my arse was too warm. And no one tells you it's a heated seat, and I'd had a couple of rum and cokes the night before at the Brits. And at one point I was like, I can't have messed myself at my daughter's first game.

I thought something bad had happened downstairs. And then when they said it's heated seat, I've never been, I cheered like a goal. Yeah, so that was brilliant. I had a brilliant time. And oh, I'll tell you about the Harvester on the Friday episode. Yeah, I've got some parenting stuff on the Friday episode. Do you want to talk about smart TV the disaster of my weight crop so yeah we've got a new show our new shows on sky with alice and hammond smart tv i'm the host josh and alice are the team captains a quiz

show about tv on now tv and sky and it's a big lunch for sky thanks for all the nice comments yeah people loved it so thanks for watching um and. And, you know, Sky are really pushing it, aren't they, Josh, on the TV guide because it's their own show. They're bloody all over it. I've obviously signed up to TikTok to push it, Rob. Oh, your TikToks are flying, Josh. I'm flying on TikTok, Rob. I'm absolutely at Josh Whittakin, if you want to follow.

I'll just log in there. Log in. I did five on my first day, Rob, because we met. If you want to follow, I'll just log in there. Log in. I did five on my first day, Rob. Because we met. You're like a teenager that's just found out about masturbating. Well, it's not far off, Rob. It's not far off.

Both times five seconds. Not as many people there as I'd like for the same reason, et cetera, et cetera. Anyway. So we met some TikTokers because we were doing a promo day for smart TV. Lovely. Wasn't that? I love them. I loved it. I was so impressed. And do you know what it reminded me of when we interviewed Carol Vorderman on here? Yeah. And she said, she bear with me. And she said, she doesn't like people who just complain about the next generation and talks about like, talks down to them.

And they've got, and they're just, it's so easy to slip into that. Oh, they're not doing as good a thing as we are. Do you know what I mean? We did it right. We did TV. We did whatever. Their TikTok's rubbish and it's for losers because they're young and I don't understand it. And these people, you meet them and they've got off their own backs and they've made their accounts and they've got loads of followers and they're editing their own videos making their

own videos they're doing it's incredible it's like it's far better than just going on a load of fucking panel shows like we did yeah they're doing it all on their own do you know what i mean it's much more like and i found it very inspiring can i say i'm proud of you as well thank you because when the tiktokers come in your no one you got neck eight your shoulders went up your body went something new when i'm all day young you nearly hid your head nearly disappeared like a turtle could have done with a giraffe outfit at that point, Rob. And I just went, Josh, shoulders down. It's going to be okay, baby. And you smashed it.

Now your TikToks have smashed it. However, the biggest one you've got, you are on mute. This was a mistake. My first one, I did a music quiz and I was on mute. But that's got more watches. People loved it. There was a lot of comments. I like the person who said, I loved it when you said,

and then just left it. A lot of people saying Rob's going to absolutely destroy you on the podcast for this. And they're not wrong because I deserved it. But do you know what? All publicity is good publicity, Rob. I left it up because you've got to show your weakness.

Exactly. And I'm all about showing my weakness, Rob. I'm all about showing my weakness Rob I'm all about it talking about sort of older people being like horrible to TikTok because there was

a great interview you know Amelia I can't remember you know does chicken shop date Amelia yeah yeah yeah

and she's brilliant she's on the red carpet she's so good but because she came through on YouTube and TikTok they're all a bit sneery I think sometimes

these actors that have like been in something this is actor i can't remember his name but i think it's for june too an older guy and he she goes were there any really memorable days on set that you absolutely loved and he goes oh this is just such a classic tiktok question where you really need a short art short answer so it works and basically no it's not it's a fair question and he's gone into a tiktok interview of a preconceived idea and narrative in his head of what they're going to be trying to do rather than living in the reality in the moment that it's a normal question he's gone it'll probably be some shit weird little tiktok thing that i've got a you know yeah unlike the great red carpet

interviews of your where oh we've induced to love what great answers used to get on the red carpet before tiktok fucking hell mate no one's answers you used to get on the red carpet before TikTok. Fucking hell, mate. I know. No one's ever asked a good question on the red carpet. Answer it and get in the fucking building. And cash a check in mid-Royal Barzun. But she smashes it.

He goes, oh, this is probably just some TikTok interview where you just ask a question. I've got to give a really short answer. And she went, you can just say no. And ironically, you made the best TikTokiktok ever so it's great um so anyway yeah so then uh smart tv which is on sky i go on the sky plan on the day rob yes turn it on it's on the recording section yeah this is show your weakness rob go on there's a big picture of you and allison hammond who's been cropped off the side old winners oh poor old winners yeah my name's there misspelled the old insult the ultimate insult but right yeah i saw that and i thought this is fucking great yeah this is hilarious

this is exactly what you're looking for when you're trying to because you've got a like you want to send out instagrams and tiktoks to tell people your shows on yeah but you don't want to bore them by exactly hi my show's on did it once you see that you've been cropped off the sky you're like this is fucking great. This is an absolute winner. I'm in here. Um, and then you spend a day and a half having to reassure people from sky that are apologizing to you.

Yeah. That you're not incredibly upset. Well, you're getting texts from people at sky seemingly by the hour going higher and higher up the food chain. Quite a lot of big dogs. And you're Sky, seemingly, by the hour, going higher and higher up the food chain. Quite a lot of big dogs. And you're like, honestly? We've got murder and faction.

Who said I'm in line for succession? Yeah, that was funny. You did well, though, Josh. It's a bit of fun. You're looking for fun in this life. Exactly, and it doesn't really matter, does it? Enjoy yourself, for God's sake. You're only here once.

Even if Alison and Rob are here twice. And, you know, me and Alison get paid more than you, but, you know, you're the father. You're being paid. Oh, dear. But it's great. And honestly great week i should should i just end with a little anecdote yeah let's do a little well i think that was a nice sort of balance and apologies if it's been too work work heavy but it's only because when you have a tour announced in a new show you're constantly on the pr trail but we'll be back in action with more. I've got a great Harvester story for you.

Yeah. Sign up to the mailing list at joshwillicombe.com if you don't want it to turn into this in six months' time when my tour is announced. As soon as we've sold all the tickets, we will never mention it again. Okay, Rob. I texted my gardener.

My gardener texted me, so I've got a gardener who comes and, like, just does the garden. You've got AstroTurf. No, no, just does the garden. You've got astral turf? No, no, the beds. And, like, he's running. Just cut it again. I'll charge him for cutting it, yeah?

He's got it really under control. So, he comes at the, like, start of spring and just does a jush. Josh, can I hear birds? Have you got your window open? Is it all springy? I've got my window open. It's spring outside. Spring has sprung by the way rob my neck is in the best state it's been for six months why do you think i'm in such a good mood

you are is the radiator still on yeah of course can't turn it off I was going to say it's warm but it's not window open but it is if the radiator's on exactly it was fucking boiling when I came up here I'm looking forward this is going to be the new headphones thing because you're not going to get round to sorting it out

I know you two will in terms of things you're not going to get around to sorting it out. I know you two will. In terms of things I'm not going to get around to sorting out, I've got to show you something on Friday because I'm genuinely worried about it. Okay. It's not all a lump, is it? So my gardener sent me a text. Josh, how about a visit Monday the 25th of March? Right.

I replied one word, perfect. Lovely. Yeah? Just send you the conversation. By the way, I don't really know him that well, so. Okay. How often does he come? Just like a couple of times?

Yeah. Okay, you've written pervert. Yeah. Hi, Josh. How about Monday 25th of March for a visit? Pervert. What's he replied? Half nine at night as well.

My blood ran cold. Yeah, he texted me in the morning as well. So it wasn't a straight reply. So did you not know you'd done that? No, I knew straight away, Rob. So what did you say? I then sent perfect exclamation marks. I had a similar exchange.

Do you know the magician Ben Hanlon? Lovely fella. We were doing a corporate. I was hosting the award, and then he was going on in the middle, and I was coming back to do some awards after. But we were never going to see each other. We were in the same room, really. Yeah.

Anyway, he's gone. Have a good one tonight. I might see you downstairs. Later, I went, oh, you too. I'm hiding away in the room, sort of going through the script. Have you done this gig before? I went, no, not done it. Anyway, he said, I uh in the room sort of going through the script uh have you done this gig before he went no not done it anyway um he said i'm in my room i'll come down just before 9 30 i say i'm on three times i have to go on beginning middle end and he's thinking i went um i'm on so

i replied to him and i don't know him that well ben yeah i'm on three times and then i write fuck now okay yeah and then i write, fuck now. Okay. And then I write, fuck me. Then I write, ha ha. Then I write, not fuck now. And then I said, horrible typo to send someone else to the same hotel room, killing time. And then I write, fuck me is even worse, actually.

Jesus, fucking hell. I shouldn't have gone with fucking hell. And then he wrote, no worries, actually. Jesus fucking hell. I shouldn't have gone with fucking hell. And then he wrote, no worries, I got the jizz. Lovely. Lovely stuff. And then I said, it might just be to have sex to make it so it's all good. And have you worked with him since? No, not seen him.

I didn't even see him then. Just said that and then that was it. We just left the hotel separately. Can't wait for that to be leaked. Well, that reminds me, he's got two kids, according to his Wikipedia. He'll have three in nine months after what I did to him. Right, shall we do some small business, Josh? Some SBs?

I've got one. Hi, Rob and Josh. I'm sure there are many families with a difficult decision what to do with baby clothes, which contain so many precious memories, but they have since grown out of. I'd love a small business shout-out to my wife, and her new business once upon a snuggle where she transforms all your loved and treasured baby clothes hats muslins or even socks and sleeping bags into memory quilts that you can love and snuggle for years to come that is a great idea so my mother-in-law yeah uh made a incredible kind of patchwork quilt yeah it's actually kaylee

shout out no no no wait wait wait yes so my mother-in-law made my daughter a lovely amazing patchwork quilt and in it she had put some of the patches were her one of her comforters from when she was a child which was like a muslin and it was great rob so this is up my street great idea talk to me more about once upon a snuggle time or whatever it's called once upon a snuggle using over a decade of professional sewing experience all your clothes are lovingly altered to create squares then skillfully sewn into a beautiful quilt preserving all the memories of your baby growing up she's based in the midlands but can sew for you anywhere in the uk her latest quilts can be found on instagram once dot upon dot a dot snuggle ps please read out the dots don't you

worry already there please it's great please read out the dots. Stay sexy and relatable. Thank you both for keeping me through the long nights. Stay insane while we embark on the toddler phase. Alex, there you go. Once dot upon dot, a dot snuggle. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. I'd love a small dot business shout out. They've written that for my cake business.

Not based in Bromley or the southeast, but up in Glasgow. Do you think Rishi Sunak should do a speech about the entrepreneurship of Bromley and how it's showing the country up? Because it feels like it's like the ultimate place for commerce at the moment, judging by this podcast. Anyway, I set up my cake business, whisked up by lm while i was on matt's leave i have been making cakes and cupcakes for friends and family for years and decided to go for it i make all kinds of celebration cakes cupcakes fudge and some other bakes coming soon so if your

listeners are in glasgow in the west in brackets of scotland close brackets check us out on Facebook and Instagram at atwhiskedupbylm that's w-h-i-s-k-e-d u-p-b-y-l-m thanks so much for doing what you're doing thanks Lindsay I always like it when people just say so I went for it that is such, because that's what we did Rob

exactly, go for it you'll never regret something you do. Don't say, I'm not the kind of person that runs their own business. You won't be till you are. So just be one. Exactly. Yeah. Right.

Rob. Yes. I'll see you on Friday. Lovely. I'll see you then. Looking forward to it? Always. By the way, I've just been messaged.

I'm going on Lorraine. Well, I'm going on Lorraine tomorrow and they want me to wear the giraffe outfit, but I've said no. Rob. correct decision. Save it for next week's last leg. Bye.