Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP19: I Don't Sleep Well After a Curry

Episode Date: March 12, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond... with Rob and Josh. This week Rob and Josh discuss World Book Day, Mother's Day, Rose's birthday, and the Kate Middleton photoshopped family photo. It's been a busy week! Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with patrick can you see Rob Beckett? Oh.

Rob Beckett. Okay. And can you see Josh Whittakin? Josh Whittakin. Good job. Bless you, my darling. Josh Whittakin. Good job.

There we go. That was good, wasn't it? Yeah, from Aberdeen. Glasgow. Shit. This is my 25 wasn't it? Yeah, from Aberdeen. Glasgow. Shit. This is my 25-month-old son, Patrick. He woke up from his nap last week as I was listening to the podcast. I brought him into the living room and he heard Rob say two words before he said Rob Beckett.

I had to send in the recording after that. He continued on after the sneeze, so I kept it in. I've been listening since I was pregnant in the summer of 2021. I'm a massive fan. It's got me through parenting as a single mum. I especially loved listening to the interview with Jordan Bell. Jason Bell, she means. Didn't love it that much.

Should I go back and edit it like the Royals? No, no, no. Let's embrace our mistakes. Yeah, Jason Bell. Those are co-parenting. Don't manipulate the no, no. Let's embrace our mistakes. Yeah. Jason Bell. Those are co-parenting. Don't manipulate the podcast, Josh. Yeah, sorry. Don't Photoshop it audioly.

Audioly? Is that a word? Michael started working for the Royals, actually, recently. Those are co-parenting goals we aspire to. Thank you so much for everything you do. Emma, originally from Glasgow, now from Surrey. Oh, lovely. Thank you very much. That was cute, that one. I felt like I was getting ill through

my headphones, though, the sneeze. Look how many podcasts start with a sneeze. I think of all the genres, it's probably the one that's most likely to start with a sneeze. Do you know what? The podcast market's getting out of hand now. There's going to be a pollen podcast. There's going to be a sneeze, a rub of the eye. eye guys it's early in the year it's tree pollen it is interesting with the podcast market because i do love the fact that it can there's two separate

plymouth argyle podcasts rob there's an official one well there's probably more do you listen to both uh not really no because i try and conduct my plymouth argyle fandom in sort of shame and hiding isolated from their fan base oh so you're better than them are you because you've moved to london no it's because you left somerset you're in london now right i didn't leave somerset it was devon you'd have to drive through Somerset to get here? Yeah. Yeah. So you left it? Well, I also entered it. Yeah. I liked it so little, I left an hour later.

I know, because there's a Plymouth Argyle message board, Rob. Okay, go on. They are. They just need to realise there's more to life. Anyone that leaves lots of comments regularly on one specific forum, just feel like there's a bigger world out there there really is and do you know what i don't think supporting plymouth argyle is making you happy i could have told him that i don't need to read the message board do you know what i've got obsessed with josh talking of messages i've got obsessed with the messages underneath the royals instagram i didn't know the prince and princess of wales had their own instagram account but they do i didn't know they shared an instagram account

like when your mum and dad share an email address it's very old school sharing but they've got no personality separate from each other it's just they're on it together what would you do if Lou said, I think we should combine our Instagram accounts into one? It would be so odd, wouldn't it? It would be so odd. I'm pissed if I put the football and she then does a book review. And she's like, oh, this is a good one.

So basically, if you're not aware, there's a photo that's been put out if they split up who keeps the account then they keep they still do it together but they split it william gets the weekends in half time but no no so if you're not aware basically um people have been going where's kate middleton she's she had surgery and not been seen for a couple of months and there's obviously all these wild conspiracy theories so that um kate middleton posted a uh photo of her and the kids on mother's day on the joint prince and princess of on the journal account which i think um but the palace thought oh that will just calm everyone down and we'll just show her but also it said it was taken by. Well, yeah. And she's not wearing a wedding ring in the photo. And there's conspiracy theories that they're breaking up,

which doesn't help things, does it? No. Even I wear my wedding ring when I'm doing Instagram stories in case Lou starts having a go or someone starts going, oh, what are you up to? Not a proper photo. No, yeah. Because at the moment you get into a green room, you take it off, don't you?

So because I've been looking at that photo and basically that photo has been withdrawn because all the major media distribution companies have said it's been manipulated and it's been photoshopped and it's basically a fake news photo but i've got i've got obsessed with all the comments josh oh god right so just in general there's prince william not going to a cricket match and it's got like 100 million thousand likes yeah and people going oh bravo, HRH Prince of Wales. We love the earth. We love cricket. We love you, right?

Which is sort of fair enough. This guy, right? So are these not on the fake photo? These are on the real ones? No, these are on other bits, but this is how into the rules some people are. And I couldn't believe, listen to this. Oh, it's mad.

The magic begins when it comes with a smile and small talk. He approaches people at eye level. People are excited about William because he draws people into his bond. William is a prince of hearts. From a man called Ron Bombay. He's not going to fuck you, Ron. What is that? When I looked at that photo, Rob.

Yeah, so basically in the photo is the sleeve of what the daughter's sort of misaligned. There's loads of bits that look photoshopped. Yeah. But the palace haven't responded to this. You've got to respond to something. They surely will have responded by the time this goes out. Well, I feel a bit under pressure now because I think I need to make a statement that my tour poster is not manipulated. I don't want people thinking.

do you think i need to release a photo of me and rose to prove that she's not left me three months ago yeah where so where is she now well she's in the house at the moment right okay and what have you spoke this morning yeah we had an argument about a grill pan go on what this It's only nine. So on Thursday, there was a grill pan. It was like covered in meat grease. I washed everything else up and she was like, I'll do the grill pan. Because you're vegetarian? Yeah. And also that was just the division of labor because I don't really like doing like things that have got sausage stuck to them,

like bits of bacon and stuff stuck to it. I think that's fair if you're... Anyway, it's still there. Since when was this? Thursday. Right, and she's been at home the whole weekend. Yeah, but it's been her birthday weekend. And Mother's Day.

And Mother's Day, so she's like, I think you've got to suck it up and just... No, no, no, Rob, but it wasn't... When she agreed to do it, when not going to do it I think you've got to suck it up and just no no no Rob but it wasn't when she agreed when she agreed to do it lucky she's there when she agreed to do it it wasn't her birthday

Mother's Day so yeah when's her actual birthday Saturday no Mother's Day Sunday right

oh yeah so she's had a good three days you can't put she said she got her nails done especially for her birthday Mother's Day

and they've got these jewels on or whatever do you know what Josh? This is something I'm going to break up with Lou about. The amount of prep to do anything before something. Yeah. It's like we're going on holiday. Okay. So I

need three days before that. Well pardon. Yeah. But she was like I don't want to ruin my nails by doing the grill pan. Well maybe you should have thought of that before you started eating fucking sausage. But we basically got involved in a standoff, Rob. Who got up first this morning? Yeah, me.

But that's fine. I quite enjoy... I'll be honest. I wanted to get downstairs and have a... I wanted to get on the radio so I could listen to the news coverage of the Kate picture because I was loving it so much

it is fun because all the proper mainstream like papers and they don't know how to deal with it because basically the palace they've got to say

that it's a fake photo but then that they'll annoy all the PR people at the palace some of the tax sin people are fucking nuts what are they saying well they're just there's this thing isn't there with the bbc that you have to read both sides both sides if you take the other just extreme mental people basically do you know what i mean

you're just like so you've got people going i I think it's people that, you know, want to bring down the Royal. It's the mainstream media want to bring down the Royals by not allowing this photo. And you're like, what are you doing? Oh, right. Most of the people that have spotted these things are people on Instagram, not the mainstream media. All the fucking newspapers put it on their front page without checking it.

It's just some housewife on instagram's pointing out the things because she does amateur photography she's not trying to bring down the royals they're not called housewives anymore josh no stay at home parent josh i was trying to create this image rob of like a humble person who's like just bringing down the royals yeah exactly but no anyway so what oh yeah no the grill so please buy some gloves and just put them in the kitchen with a little post-it note on just say for you babe kiss oh my god for you and your nails kiss oh my god can you imagine so what's happening with the grill pan well i don't know we'll see what happens how about right let's talk let's talk but let's

forget the royals let's forget all that the royals thing is fascinating but there's no more basically it's a fake photo but the palace haven't what do you think the photo is rob so part of me thinks that the photo is just they genuinely touch up photos anyway you know like we have i think they tidy it up a bit but yeah but i think they've this is my theory yeah i think they've taken a few and they've got the best photo of each person is a different photo and they've kind of done a composite yeah because i think you know you don't get because it's a if it's real it's a lovely photo because she looks really well and the kids are all laughing yeah but there'll be three kids laughing and i think they've done that before where you can't always get three kids looking in the camera exactly i think they probably have

chopped it all together the other conspiracy is that basically the photo is only at chest height and they did ai for the bottom half why because she's no longer got a bottom half no no she's still got a bum half but potentially she might like have not been able to get in them because she's in like skinny jeans which if you've had abdominal surgery anyway i feel like a conspiracy but people are saying i can't do hands that's why the hands are a bit off oh anyway but i don't i don't know i think i think they may have chopped it all up to make it a nice photo which doesn't help when there's conspiracy theories when you know it literally i'm gonna say it couldn't have gone worse for them no because the whole point of the photo was to go right stop being mental kate's fine here she is with her

children and then all of the huge international people gone no that's wrong because the fate the photo is fake oh my god it God. It couldn't be worse. If you're trying to quell conspiracy theorists and then everyone in the media goes, no, even the Daily Mail's gone, yeah, it's Photoshopped there. The Daily Mail and the Telegraph, they love the royals. Can you imagine what is going on in the Palace PR department at the moment? It's a tough gig going at the Palace PR.

Oh, my God. It's so weird they share an Instagram account. It's fucking mental. Isn't it? Yeah. Because they do different things. They've got different interests. Yeah.

Do any other couples share an Instagram account? Surely not. Yeah, it is like, you know, your mum and dad's first email account. Sue and Dave at Hotmail. Yeah, it's so weird, isn't it? But there we go. Let's get on to, we've got a lot to cover. We had World Book Day.

We had Mother's Day. Rose had a birthday. You two are still together. So there's a lot to go on here. Yeah. How was World Book Day? What did your daughter go as? Or did your son dress up as well?

No, he didn't because he's in nursery. Great news, Rob. Go on. Great news. The school said for World Book Day, you can go as a book if you want, but you can also just go in your own clothes to take the pressure off. And there was also, for some reason, pyjamas was an option. Right, okay.

And she said she wanted to go in pyjamas. I said, you sure you don't want to go as a book? She said, no. And I thought, fucking get in. She didn't even have to get dressed. I do sort of think that's a good idea at schools because it does become a bit of an arms race. Yeah, because it's too much of an effort.

Yeah, totally agree. And it costs a bit too much money. So if you can't... I'll tell you what's an arms race, Rob. What's that? Photoshopping at the Royal Family. That's an arms race, Rob. What's that? Photoshopping of the royal family. That's an arms race, isn't it? Arms a race?

More like. Oh, here we go. Someone get us one of my got news for you. Get us on bloody Hislop and Merton. Fuck off, mate. Here we go.

The boys. The boys? Did that take a week to think of that in a writing room? Yeah, exactly. Actually, we're on last leg together on friday so we can do that should we do the exact same conversation yeah yeah let's do all that um no i do think it yeah it does turn it into a bit of an arms race and

it does get become expensive um but um also it's not just the expense it's the time yeah but you know yeah but that's still like fun to do it isn it? People like to spend time on it. It's totally fine to do it, and it's a good thing. But some people, when they don't have much time, it's just like an extra thing they don't need to be putting in their diary and feeling pressure over. True. Yep, I agree there. However, we did make it a magical experience for our children,

and they were dressed as the Lorax and Millie's marvellous hat. But, yeah, sure, don't worry about it. Just wear your py as the Lorax and Millie's marvelous hat. But yeah, sure. Don't worry about it. You know, just wear your pajamas. If you want, maybe you feel bad.

How much, how much did you put into the costume? Actually, I, I brought home a orange waistcoat from London that was needed for the outfit, but no, Lou did it all.

Lou likes doing it, to be fair. But Lou's very creative. But she did this amazing hat and then this big orange Lorax outfit. And my daughter wears glasses. She sort of tied the moustache and the eyebrows to the glasses, so it worked quite well. She face-painted her whole face orange. Oh, yeah.

But it didn't wash off for, like, two days, so she looked like she was on TOWIE for the weekend. But bless her her though. She looked mad. She has this big stick, big orange face. And then she came out of school and said, everyone thought I looked weird. Oh God. And then I was like, well, yeah, people will in life.

But those people are boring. And I gave her the old Catherine Ryan quote where, you don't want to be normal. Those bitches are ordinary. Did you say it that way? No, because I can't really say bitches as a bloke, but I quoted, I didn't say bitches, but said, you know, you don't want to be ordinary. But yeah, so she loved it.

So it's good fun. But yeah, I do. I know I'm messing, but I do think pajamas or own clothes should be an option as well because some kids don't want to dress up. Some parents haven't got the time. Some parents haven't got the money. So it shouldn't be like your kids should be made to feel ostracized you know

yeah well it was interesting when even non-uniform day when i was at school was fucking really intense wasn't it yeah yes because i remember getting bullied for high-tech socks in pe that was a bad day oh god still remember, Rob. Still remember it. Oh, no. That's it, killer. It's absolutely brutal, isn't it? And I remember when I played football, my mum got me an England kit from the market. Oh, no.

But I didn't take it into school with me, so I was worried all day. And then at the end of the day, the teacher went, oh, here's your mum dropped off the England kit. But she got it from the market. But it was one of them when she had to sew the badge on. And I remember picking it up. And as I picked it up up the badge fell off the shirt

oh god it was just in the bag and i was like oh so it's like a fake shirt with no badge and i was like oh god but you know the money was tight so you can't feel too bad about it but like i say if you shouldn't we need to stop inventing days where there's opportunities for kids to feel different and alienated really so the easy out to that is your own clothes or pajamas you know what i mean yeah but i think you should be obviously the option because it is really fun and exciting and you know and your parents who are want to get creative and do it and children that want to be dressed as their favorite book yeah that's a really fun thing to do and obviously reading is a good thing to encourage,

et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Well, my daughter went as Laura. She's never read that book. She's only watched the film. Pointless. Absolutely pointless. I don't know. It raises money for World Book Day.

How about no one dresses up and all that money you spend on costumes we just send by books? That's when people go and do like, they go and climb a mountain and they fly to Kilimanjaro. How about you don't like they go and climb a mountain and they fly to kilimanjaro you're like how about you don't fly there just climb a mountain in the uk and all that money you spent on flights especially when it's like again save the planet this isn't saving money for climate change i'm gonna fly to kilimanjaro climb a fucking mountain and give them about 200 quid but i've spent three grand on flights and accommodation and equipment

i'm enjoying that you've made up an event. No, it happened all the time when I was at work in an office. No, I know. People would wander around going, I'm doing this charity thing. I'd go, no, I'm not donating. The 5K run can fuck off a donation. Yeah. I had a routine about that.

I'm not paying you to run 5K. It's got to be longer for cash. I'd rather pay the money to the charity and you not you you not go after all just don't let's not shut apart for three hours so you can shuffle around it anyway i'm going into old material now but um yeah actually i love i love charity me always giving yeah you are always giving uh so world book day was a success then for you didn't have to do that it was fine it was totally it was totally fine um yeah it was kind of uneventful i thought she might bottle it on the pajamas i thought on the day we might she might suddenly go oh no i want to do a book

yeah and it would be too late but luckily her friend was doing pajamas she was doing pajamas it was all fine rob it was all fine and um birthday and mother's day how was your oh i went and watched them play football i did a two last week my daughter plays football now yeah did you go this weekend yeah so no so it's during the week so i went i missed the first because i missed the first one went to the second game and it's so hard not to shout i've always judged people as being like pushy parents from the sidelines that guy but no but i'm not in aggressive but i'm just sort of going go on well done but like just shut up rob just a fucking tracker but he's but he's they just bunch around the ball and you just get into get into space spread out this is what i used to

do rob that was when i was good at football, right? When I was seven. Yeah. And I wasn't, you know, I'm not, I wasn't the physical specimen I am today. Yeah, absolutely, yeah. Obviously, yeah. I, everyone would swarm and I'd just stand outside the group and then the ball would pop out to me

and I'd be one-on-one with the keeper. Yeah. Basically, I used the old noggin. Yeah. To steal a march and so i was good at that age yeah because you could just see it and then everyone got in positions and i was fucked so funny because i was filming a bit of it and um my daughter assisted a goal and then i managed to film the pass and the goal but then um when as soon as

he scored i was i just zoomed in on my daughter celebrating like yeah like that and then like my mate was like can you send me the video of my daughter's got his daughter who had scored and he went and i went yes we're quite biased filming there and what kind of scores do they get it's fairly low scoring because they don't really know what they're doing how big's the pitch it's like little five a side pitch seven to five or seven side pitch it's got a lot smaller smaller goals but they have to do a thing now where they have to stand the opposing team have to stand on the halfway line for goal kicks because no one can kick it far enough so all they do is just stand in front of the goal and then they just keep scoring so it's done a lot better when i was that age i

was on full size 11 aside pitches well this is the thing this is the fa grassroots you know the fa england dna it's all kicking through isn't it rob it's all kicking through the bellingham project bellingham get the kid bellingham project beth mead um yeah so that that was good and then um and and can you tell who's good at this stage? You can... There's certain people... Like, there's girls in the class that have got, like, older brothers, and then they've been basically taken to their older brother's games

and watched it and played with them, so that they're a bit better because they've been surrounded by it from their brothers. So they're normally a bit more switched on to it. There's people... You can tell through personalities. There's a girl who's a really good defender there because she's so so determined but she's like it with everything she does so she'll just go i want the ball and just like keep keep going where someone like oh i don't know if i want to

get involved in yeah picking a ball that someone's got yeah what my daughter's quite good at is she's a bit like what you said she'll look around and realize there's a big gap there yeah and she'll sort of wait in the gap for the ball yeah and then she'll she's through because there's a big gap there. Yeah. And she was sort of waiting the gap for the ball. Yeah. And then she'll, she's through because there's no one there. So you can sort of see their personalities coming out already. Yeah. It's quite interesting. You with sport, I find with sport,

your personality dictates how you play. Same in boxing as well. Like we're in boxing. I imagine you'd be a, you'd be a very much more conservative, clever boxer that would tuck up, try and find counter punches where I'm a little bit more bull in a china shop. Do you think if I did a round with Anthony Joshua, I'd die?

Yes. Right, just checking. Yeah, I think because if he punched you like he punched in Garnu, I don't think you'd ever be the same again. Your neck. You think you've got a stiff neck now? He might loosen it up. You know when someone hits the bunion with a big book or whatever it is?

Snap your elbow. Fucking hell, you've sorted me right out, Anthony. And then you go again. Oh, it's gone again. He is so massive. So don't fight him. I'd say no to that. that but yeah so that was good with the footballs enjoyed that and then mother's day how um how was your mother's day and the birthday

so it was it was mother's day and birthday so me and rose is that annoying for rose uh well it's the first time it's ever happened yeah but it's always always been near isn't it for her yeah but that's fine yeah because um they're separate enough um that i still do both but uh i did two two separate cards i don't get a day because my birthday second of jan doesn't really exist and then father's day is always the same weekend as lou's birthday because it's the third week in june unbelievable so i don't i don't get a day josh yeah i need a new day you need a new day rob day yeah because it's always lou's birthday weekend yeah i don't i don't get a day josh yeah i need a new day you need a new day rob day yeah because it's always lose birthday weekend yeah why don't you make world book day your day

too close to mother's day too close to mother's day um just want a bit just want to stretch your legs get a bit get a bit of love do you know i mean yeah i know it's awful being you um so uh we went for lunch on the saturday nice just you you two or kids? Just us two. Yeah. Yeah, like a romantic lunch. Oh, lovely. Where did you go? I guess who was in the restaurant, Rob? This is an exciting celeb spot.

Bat for lashes again? Rebecca Vardy. No. Where did you go? Somewhere fancy. Yeah, yeah. It was in Mayfair. Ooh.

It's her birthday. Ooh. I haven't got the time or the money for World Book Day. Let's go Mayfair. Ooh! It's her birthday! Ooh! I haven't got the time or the money for World Book Day. Let's go Mayfair. I didn't say money. I said time. Fair enough. Respect, actually. Respect that.

Fish bomb. So he was in Mayfair. Where did you go Mayfair? I've got the money to paint an egg box, Rob. I just haven't got the time. Oh, good. So Rebecca Vardy was therey was yeah exciting isn't it very exciting yeah but we had a three-course meal rob yeah and then we were going out for another meal with friends in the evening for another three courses including breakfast i had seven courses that day. Okay, what did you have for breakfast?

Porridge. No, you love it. Toast. Toast, okay. Weekend. Stretch your legs, enjoy yourself. Is it porridge in the week, toast at the weekend? I don't have porridge in the week.

You make porridge every day. For my children. What do you have in the week then? Yoghurt and stuff. Yoghurt. Just a rich man's porridge, Josh. It's rich man's porridge, yog and stuff. Yogurt. Just a rich man's porridge, Josh. It's rich man's porridge yogurt. I like it.

I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm not saying you shouldn't. No, yeah. You're just finding other ways to gobble it. It's not. What do you have for breakfast? I try and skip breakfast. And then about 11 or 12,

I'll have, um, if I'm at home, poached eggs on a one bit of like sourdough toast. That's my go-to. Oh yeah. Sorry for being so, so rich with my fucking yogurt.

Here he is. Hey, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not putting in poverty here. I stretch my legs. I have a couple of black farmer eggs. I do not go cheap on eggs.

I'm organic and free range. Not because I give a fuck about the chickens because they taste nicer. Actually, I do really care about chickens chickens because they taste nicer. Actually, I do really care about chickens as well. Yeah, of course. I care about them so much

I eat them. But I just want to know they've had a good life before I do. Yeah, of course. And if a little bit of their carcass

sticks to a grill, do you know what I do? Wash it straight away. Nails or no nails, okay? Oh yeah, sorry, and then it was birthday the next day so where did you go for dinner uh a place called vins in cantonbury which was lovely with friends or just you two yeah with friends i was gonna say that's too much conversation in one day you can't do one-on-one for that particularly because by the end rose has an issue with me at meals okay here we go

which i think is to be fair just for her but i don't know what i can do about it what's the issue basically if i eat too much i just power down for the last bit i just can't so if you eat too much food you just sort of your energy drops yeah and also last leg was so late i didn't get home till 1 30 and then the kids are up at seven yeah you've had a bit of a three-course lunch i was a broken man rob so so so what her issue is that you're you cut you sort of don't chat she's like by the end of the meal my legs i bounce my legs which is a kind of natural thing obviously my body does to try and get energy going or something i and she obviously she might be having a glass of wine as well and then that

yeah exactly she likes to you know maybe let's just enjoy another glass of wine but that you don't no one wants to enjoy another glass of wine if they're not drinking no because you're sort of sat there going well i'm not thirsty we've discussed this before i'm not thirsty and i've eaten i can't stand sitting at a table for longer than needs be me too i hate it i know i hate it i know we're repeating ourselves i can't sit there and soak up the atmos i just want to lie on a sofa do you know what because i'm the fucking atmos i'll take the atmos wherever i go well i got no Atmos to take after I've had four of them. You're happy with no Atmos? I just want to get in a black cab and stare.

What is that, because you're too full or you're tired? Too full and tired. Three courses is too many, really. Plus bread. Oh, yeah, no, the bread's going to kill you off. But in the evening, they're all mates, so that sort of, you know, you didn't have to spend too much time together then. Oh, yeah, no, the bread's going to kill you off. But in the evening, they're all mates, so that's sort of, you know, you didn't have to spend too much time together then. Oh, we did, yeah.

No, but you had several conversations. We did have several conversations. Because obviously, would you and Lou have done two dinners together? Absolutely not. I don't think we could do that. You know, it's just too much food, too much, Jack, but alcohol does help. Yeah. So if one of us isn't drinking, I think that sort of, me, I,

if we're both drinking that day, we could have a couple of glasses of wine. And I imagine you and Rose used to, but now you don't drink. It's harder because that's something that was part of your relationship, I imagine. Yeah. And so now, and then next day, lovely morning. Because otherwise, at Canterbury, you would have drunk through.

You'd have been sick in a bush. Exactly, mate. Is that what she wants? Instead, I'm driving her home. I love the way you said that mid-burp. You've never sounded older. Instead of driving her home. Do you know what?

We're getting so old now. I played five-a-side football last night. I feel like I've been in a minor car crash. My hips, I feel like I've been shook up. i feel like i should go to the hospital and get checked over if i if i was on a bus that got hit and i stumbled and i woke up the next day i'd be like right i need to go to the doctors but all i did was run i know do you warm up properly no yeah i knew you're not the kind of person that warms up. It's not my personality type to stretch. No.

Absolutely. And I'm an explosive player. My head thinks I can do things my body can't anymore. I can imagine people stretching you. You go, what the fuck are you doing that for? And now, Rob, look at you. My hip, anyway. But yeah, mate, I'm going to stretch.

I'm playing football on Friday, right? This is a weird thing that's happened. I don't really know what's going on, but I'm looking forward to it. What day are you doing the last leg? So, the day I'm going to stretch I'm playing I'm playing football on Friday right this is a weird thing that's happened and I don't really know what's going on but I'm looking forward to it what day are you doing last leg so today I'm doing the last leg

I'm doing the Rosso Ball Breakfast Show I'm doing the Peter Crouch and Abbey Clancy podcast then this is the wild card I'm going to play

Fiverside Football for Comet Relief and I've been invited through Radio 2 to play Fiverside Football with can I just say Rob yeah I'm not fucking sponsoring you 2 to play Fiverside Football with... Can I just say, Rob? Yeah.

I'm not fucking sponsoring you to just play Fiverside Football. Well, I don't know what this is. I've not done any sponsorship. They just said it's a company. You're basically running a 5K but just in a smaller area, Rob. Well, I don't know what it is

but basically I think it's a staff Fiverside Football. They're invited down a few people off the... Because it's a BBC thing. So there's two ways this normally goes i'm completely out my depth and they're unbelievable or everyone's about 50 and i dominate yeah you're this has got you being able to boss it around jeremy vine written all over it but like the my issue is i'm a flare player josh i can roll it through their legs and finish and stick one on them if I need to. So now I'm in a quandary. Do I nutmeg and barge off the ball,

the big boss. Should I tell you something fun about the last leg, Rob? Go on. The first 10 minutes of the last leg last week. Yep. Are the most I've ever died on TV. Okay.

I'll be honest with you. I didn't watch it. It was on at 11pm. Of course not. Yeah. Honestly, it was incredible. What happened? The audience just didn't laugh.

Mate, it's 11 o'clock at night. It's so late. Everyone just sat there and went home. Why are you on so late? Oh, Rob, because of the Formula One qualifying, of course. Oh, my God. Qualifying. Qualifying.

The actual race doesn't matter because Red Bull always win. Oh, exactly. Verstappen's about three days ahead of the rest of... What's the point of qualifying? What they should do is, qualifying should be whatever happened last week, the winner goes at the back. Well, Rob, I'm not going to complain about the bosses at Formula 1 because they'll only bloody suspend me,

won't they? Do you know what? Here we bloody go. Here we go. Get your saggy old arses up. There's two young guns in town. Let's catch them and just eat them back. Beckett with a gunner's take on the bloody news.

Right, do you want to hear what happened to me? I went to the bank, Josh. Oh, yeah, yeah. Right, so me and Lou have got a joint account, okay, that we – Instagram or bank? Bank, right? We've got a joint account that we use mainly for bills and stuff like that, but we're moving that to a different account because we both had different banks.

We're moving that joint account to a different bank. And we were doing that switch thing. This is quite good, actually. If you do switch your bank accounts to another bank account, all your things... Within the same bank? No, a different bank. Also, it's quite good.

If you do switch banks, what happens is, all the things you normally pay for on your card, the card obviously just gets cancelled. You basically go, I didn't know I was still paying that. Like two quid a month for something. Do you know what I mean? The sneaky little subscriptions. Have you looked at your, I can look at my subscriptions.

Yeah. This is quite a fun game for the podcast. What's on your subscriptions? Go to your bank and look at what you're paying out on, Rob. Oh, and you can do it on your actual app as well. You can do it on your banking app. And before we could do this, they wouldn't do the switch because I had to give them five digits of my bank my debit card for the

joint account but I've never used a joint account and I've lost it because all it was was just money went in there every month and the bills got paid yeah we never used it as like a current account um so in order to do the switch I had to go in and get the five digits of my card from them to give to the new bank and then they could do the switch right anyway so 9 30 it opens i get there 10 past nine lose doing other things in that we come straight for the school run so i'm waiting outside because they're normally a queue forming and it's always someone mental trying to do something mad with money um anyway so i'm queuing up anyway they're in there having a little meeting they see me and they get to come to guys is that well are you rebecca okay yeah he goes

do you mind we're having a team meeting if we serve you just before we open do you mind if and they, Keita comes up, guys, is that Rob? Are you Rob Beckett? I go, yeah, he goes, do you mind, we're having a team meeting, if we serve you just before we open, do you mind if we all get a photo? And I'm like, yeah, I'm like,

this is, this is perfect. What a win, what a win. I'm like, I'm going to be done before it's even open. Yes. I was, I'd put aside an hour and a half for this,

from 9.30. This is outrageous. It's a Friday. So I go in there, they're the loveliest people. Nat West Bromley, big up. Hi, Rob, how's it going? We're having some cake.

We're celebrating International Women's Day. And we're all telling stories of work. And they're all sharing cakes. Do you want a cup of tea? Let's have a photo. And then, honestly, there's 15 people in a circle around me. It's all like an AA meeting. They're all in chairs just facing each other.

And they have a photo. They're lovely. Let's do what you need to do. How can help you today rob i'm leaving oh no oh god oh god i like broke up with 15 people in one go how comes and i was like no no you're great it's just i've never really banged with you i just need because it was we have it for bills and all that was so awkward i was like, I'm leaving actually. So can I, can I just get this number so I can take all my money somewhere else? Oh God.

Oh, it was funny. It was, but like, you know, when you've got that, I know that I'm having all these pictures and they've been lovely, but I've got to tell them at some point.

I'm going now. I'm going. I'm sticking with guys. I'm still there. I respect. I'm still, I'm still all these pictures and they're being lovely, but I've got to tell them at some point. I'm going now. I'm going. I'm sticking with, guys. I'm still there. I respect. I'm still the University of Manchester branch. That's the one I signed up at. That's still the branch.

I'm at home branch. Just pop to the home branch. Let's get on the train. Anything for a train journey. Don't even know if the home branch still exists. No, it's like my first bank account. The bank's not even there anymore, but I've still got the same their own branch still exists. No, it's like my first bank account, the bank's not even there anymore, but I've still got the same sort code.

Yeah, me too. Oh, what a life. What a life. What a life. So Rose's birthday. Yeah, so you have seven meals, seven courses. Seven courses. That was a Saturday.

Sunday, nice birthday. And then we took the kids. nice birthday and then um we took the kids Ivo Graham was running the half marathon around uh with his brother his brother was Ivo's mum's got MS so his brother was pushing his mum in a wheelchair and Ivo was pushing Rosie Jones in a wheelchair for a half marathon they ran it Ivo is so massive and athletic and it's mental. It's just from such good stock. And the brother and him ran in parallel with two wheelchairs, and they did the half marathon in under two hours. Oh, God.

When I run, and I'm so heavy, and even when I go to the gym or lose weight, if I go to the gym and try and lose weight, I don't lose weight. I just get everything on me goes hard. Just rock hard tits, same size, just rock hard, right? And then I stop and then they just go softer. That's sort of always. Whenever I go for a run, it always looked like I've just escaped a burning building.

I'm sort of like, just like stumbling over, just like, and it's awful. So good, well, good on them for doing that for Cherry. We went to meet them in the pub, Rob. Yeah. I'm going to say it. There's not much in a pub for kids, is there? No, no, no.

They just run around going mental. That's the last time I ever take kids to the pub. I can't believe it. Did you take colouring in or anything for them or stuff to sit at the table with or iPads? We didn't take iPads. We should have taken iPads. iPads and headphones, but then they're not really at the pub.

And you're like, what are we doing? Do you know what I mean? Colouring in or anything like that? No, we took, they had like stuff, but they didn't want to,

it was lunch, so it was food. And they don't want pub food. They just don't want fucking to go to the pub. You suddenly realise how awful the pub is when you take a child there. Do you know what I mean? Like, not that pub, but the concept of a pub in general. It's like dirty floors and, like, just people who are pissed

and, like, there's uncomfortable stools. Yeah, but if they don't go there, they've got to spend some time with their mum. There we go. This is good business. Oh, so, yeah. they've got to spend some time with their mum there we go this is good business oh so yeah it's her day so my pub days with kids are over

yeah no so we had my niece's birthday who was one we went to a pub that's round the corner from my brother's house so all my family went round there have a little yawn. Sorry, mate. I've been listening to you all for you fucking barrel on. I am

fucked. Why are you so tired? Because it's just been a long weekend. I had a curry last night. I don't sleep well after a curry. Do you think your stomach's racist you can't help it do you know what i mean it is what it is i just i don't it just i have too much food i don't sleep well what did you eat on sunday you had seven calls on saturday talk me through your sunday food we had birthday breakfast which was bagels with cheese and smoked salmon

for Rose and her mum. Yeah. And then I just had Marmite. Yeah. Bagels, that's a heavy breakfast. You've had a big day. Yeah, I had two as well. Yeah, that's a big breakfast

for you, Josh. Especially after seven courses. Is it lunch? Pub lunch. Pub lunch. What did you have? I just grazed on chips, really. Okay.

And then dinner. Curry. And then dinner, a curry, plus like general birthday confectionery. You're struggling, aren't you? I've had a 6,000 calorie weekend minimum, Rob. I mean, I'm starting to feel Rose's pain where you've been to sleep and you're still powering down after a curry the next day. So God knows what you're up to. I had a nap on the Saturday afternoon between the two meals. Yeah.

I had to go to bed between the two meals on Saturday afternoon. How long for? 45 minutes. What was Rose's mum? Just Rose had the kids? No, Rose's mum was there. Right, okay, fair enough. I'd got back at 1.30 am from the last leg yeah but i still

think you can survive yeah but they're surviving rob and there's flourishing oh we did we did um we didn't do that much from well lou had a mum around mother's day it's a wee mother's day isn't it because you've got your own mum to sort out but then you've got to like do the legwork for your kids i'm, as much as Lou is the mother of my children, she's like, she ain't my fucking mum. But I'm running around getting cards, and I know they're too young to do it, but you're a bit like, come on, kids. Well, my mum stayed as well, because my mum and dad come up to go to the pub

on Saturday for my niece's birthday, which was fun and lovely, and then they were going round to my other brother's to look after their kids on the Sunday. So they went, oh oh we'll come around and see you i was like okay you sort of are but we're just basically a travel lodge for you at this stage in between engagements right which is fine don't mind that and then the good kids doesn't sound fine to me well this is why i annoyed me slightly because i don't mind that and the kids got to watch gladiators with them but then the next morning my kids woke up at like six in the morning and then my mom was like oh blimey on mother's day i had less sleep in than i did at home i was like we'll stay at fucking home then we're doing you a favor

i'm not asking to come i've not said come around for a special mother's day you've just come here because you're in between gigs yeah so it's, bloody hell. You know what they're like, though? They need their sleep, my parents are. Yeah, fair enough. They're like teenagers. I just ate too much food.

Too much food. Well, Mother's Day for Lou, she had a lie-in, and then I brought her a coffee and some biscuits in bed. I took the dogs out for a walk, and then her mum came around, and then she sort of took over for her mum. When you took the dogs out, did you take them with the kids? No, they were on iPads upstairs. Right, so you've left her looking after the two kids

while you've just gone for a walk. Okay, well, Lou, do you want to get the fuck up and go for a walk in the rain? Because these dogs need walking. What can I do, eh? There's no way I can take two dogs and two kids in the rain. That is, only one person comes out of the woods there, and it's probably a dog on its own.

We will not survive that. We'll get lost. There'll be arguments. There'll be crying. No, so they're on their iPads. They don't have their iPads all week. So at the week, they allow them in the mornings at the weekends, so they hammer them.

So Sunday morning, they were gone. So they were upstairs on their iPads. I actually nailed it at one point, though, because Lou was having a lie-in. The kids were on iPads upstairs. I was just downstairs with a coffee watching the UFC. I felt like this is my day. Fucking Father's Day.

I'm getting half an hour of Father's Day in here. When is Father's Day? June. June. June. Yeah, so, yeah, I think Lou had a nice time. Right, Josh, should we do a small business shout out yeah

hi Rob, Josh and Michael I'm a dad of an 18 month old first starting to listen after a recommendation from my own dad 662 months who is also a big fan of the show whilst he's still listening

no boomer stories to share I'd like to give a small business shout out to my wife Tammy who created an Etsy shop Precious Print Frames, creating mosaic collages of greeting cards you've been given for special occasions, birthdays, weddings, new baby, et cetera. It's a great way to use these cards that would usually end up in the back of a

drawer. Stay sexy and relatable. Thanks, Ben. He's put in a link. Shall I read it out? H-T-T-P-S colon forward slash forward slash www.etsy.com forward slash UK forward slash listing forward slash 1629538036 forward slash. Right. What was that again? Was it 135? It was 1629538036. But just put precious print frames, one into etsy okay right i've got one here hi rob and josh i'd love it if you gave my small business a shout out i recently set up my at home nail salon in the south side of glasgow called puka nails spell p u with a little accent going to the right. P-U, accent, C-A, nails. Pronounced Pooka, which is the Irish word for ghost.

I started this business alongside studying for a law degree as due to my mental health issues, traditional employment was not working for me. I love the flexibility and creativity that being a nail technician brings and also helping people feel better about themselves. People can find me on Instagram at Pooka Nails, P-U-C-A-N-A-I-L-S underscore. Love the podcast despite being childless myself. Now, thank you, Kiva, spelled C-A-O-I-M-H-E.

Pronounce Kiva. Don't make fun of it. I've literally heard it all before. For someone that doesn't like the name being made fun of, she's gone for Puka Nails with an accent which is Irish for ghost ghost she's asking for trouble josh there you go there you go puka nails right josh i'll see you well i'll see you on friday for this next episode and also i'll see you friday night for the last lick oh see you then me you mel b let's go the big three together at last i'm only i'm only victoria beckham away from meeting all the Spice Girls oh

but I suppose she might be the most difficult to ensnare I'll get there right um Josh I'll see you on Friday see you on Friday bye