Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP20: Susie Dent

Episode Date: March 15, 2024

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant broadcaster, lexicographer and etymologist - Susie Dent. Susie runs the dictionary corner on 'Countdown' and '8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown'. You can listen to her podcast 'Something Rhymes with Purple' wherever you get your podcasts. Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdicombe?

No. Josh Widdicombe. Oh, good try. I thought that was good in the end. Yeah. In between gobbling porridge. Was that you in the background or the clip? That was me.

I just can't stop gobbling. I've got a porridge complaint, Rob. Okay. About a major high street chain. Right. Do you want to do the porridge complaint now, or should we give this child their moment on the pod? This is my son, Louis.

Oh, this is exciting, Rob. Go on. Imagine if it goes, this is my son, Louis. People say I've been in hiding for two months, but this is how i come back i think it's quite worrying though for the future royal family if the 10 year old louis talking like that trying to see josh critical this is my son louis and that's that's definitely my hand around him um god knows what,

this is Friday's episode. Yeah, we're recording this Monday morning. If something awful has happened in the intervening four days, we apologise hugely. But on Monday morning,

that was a great bit of satire. You should start Last Leg like that. Guys, we wrote the jokes when the news was different. Give us a chance. Come on. This is my son, Louis, who turned two, having a go at the intro.

Thanks for all the laughs. I spent many a nap time walking around the streets, grinning like a weirdo and laughing out loud while Louis naps in his pram. From Sophia. From? Somerset. Southampton. I just tried to steal the sir. Got Somerset on the mind.

Well, thanks for doing that. Do you want to hear my porridge complaint, Rob? Absolutely. That's what we're here for. Porridge complaint. I don't want to. I got a porridge from Cafe Nero, Rob. Why?

That's not the place for porridge. No, I know, Rob. If you told me, if I had to list 50 places to get porridge in London, I don't think I'd say Cafe Nero. So it was Friday morning. I was in town. Where do you normally get it from? I don't normally buy porridge. Oh, you make it.

Do you put it in a carry case? No, I don't normally have porridge for breakfast, Rob. I don't normally have porridge for breakfast. But why are you buying porridge then? Because I normally have like yogurt and stuff at home, but that's quite difficult to buy. What, yogurt? Well, where would you buy?

Sorry, what are you trying to buy? Linguini in 1932? Where would you buy your breakfast yogurt in central London? They do like Bircher, Muesli yogurt and stuff. I don't like a Bircher. I think it's weird. Okay, right. Well, Sainsbury's sell yog stuff. I don't like a Bircher. I think it's weird. Okay. Right.

Well, Sainsbury's sell yogurts? I'm not going to... Yeah, but I wanted to sit down. I needed to sit down and kill some time. So I thought, I'll have porridge. In Cafe Nero. Well, I was going to Leon, but they didn't have any spare seats. And next door was Cafe Nero.

Okay. So you went in there for some... Was you getting porridge in Leon? Yeah. Your go-to breakfast, porridge? No, it's not my... How many times? No, but when you're out.

Yeah. It's not my... But when you're out, yeah, it is actually. I have porridge every time I'm out. Not every time. Okay. If you need breakfast, you my... But when you're like, yeah, it is actually. I have porridge every time I'm out. Not every time. Okay, if you need breakfast, you can have breakfast and you're out in London, what do you have?

Porridge. Yeah. No more questions, Your Honour. The last time you were in London, you needed breakfast. What did you have? I don't remember. Porridge.

Well, what else is there to have? Yoghurts. There's also, they do needed breakfast, what did you have? I don't remember. Well, what else is there to have? Yoghurts. There's also, they do like breakfast, in Leon they do little breakfast boxes, they do breakfast bowls. Yeah, but I don't really like eggs, Rob. You don't like eggs? Pastries are not a good way to start the day.

Okay, yeah, fair enough. But they do like egg pots and stuff like that and healthy ones and avocado and all that. Why do you hate porridge? I don't hate it but what happened to you my problem one porridge is depressing it's only okay it's in cafe nero i'll tell you that for free only okay if you either fill it with sugar or honey or jam oh you might as well have rice pudding at that stage it's it's only good for you if you don't have any taste in it. And the people that make it with water and salt

should be burnt at the stake. I agree with you on that. In Scotland, and I love Scotland, but I think maybe that's what happened. I ordered a bowl of porridge in Scotland because I thought that'll be healthy start to the day. And I had a spoonful of salt in my mouth. And I thought, you know what?

Fuck off. No one wants it. Why are you. And I thought, you know what? Fuck off. No one wants... Why are you putting salt on porridge, you mad bastards? So... What's Nero doing with the porridge? They had a create your own porridge poster up in the window. I don't need asking twice. You put a hat on, apron, you'd be on the counter.

Making your own porridge. I went in. I went in. And I thought, do you know what? I can't even see a, I don't know how they're going to do this. I'm fascinated because they're in quite a small barista area. I can't even see a porridge pot. Can we stop this for a second?

Fascinated. We drill down into that. For a man that don't eat porridge, but it says make your own porridge and you are, your words, fascinated. We drill down into that. For a man that don't eat porridge, but it says make your own porridge, and you are, your words, fascinated. Well, I wasn't fascinated when I was outside. Why died all? How?

No, it wasn't when I was outside because I just presumed they made porridge. I got inside, and it was a small branch. And I'll be honest, I couldn't see where the porridge was going to come from. You couldn't see a porridge pot? You couldn't see it? That's what you look for straight away in a coffee shop. Where's the porridge pot? So you couldn't see the porridge pot. So what?

I said, I'll make my own porridge, please. And he said, I suspected as much. And then I said, I'll have banana and peanut butter. Or it's the option with honey. Yeah. So there are three options you can have. No, they were the three things I went with. Three?

So what else was on offer? Well, your jams, your fruits. You've gone for banana, peanut butter and and do you know what i got rob i got he took out a cup of oats put some milk in it and put it in the microwave yeah so what's wrong with that right that's not making porridge to a high street level, Rob. No, I think that is. That's what I'd expect from a coffee shop. Also, I'm not a connoisseur of the porridge gobble like you. Who does your pot all morning? He gave me my milky oats.

Your milky oats, yeah. And a bag of hard bits of banana. You know those hard shards of banana? Oh, well, like dried. Dried banana. Oh, no. Milky oats, like oats floating in milk yeah he hadn't measured it exactly no no he's just poured he just glugged he's glugged didn't he

yeah so i had oats floating in hot milk yeah some hard bits of banana in a bag yep and a small pot of peanut butter and a small pot of honey that's a pouring yourself to pour in yourself? To pour in myself. You're making your own? I am making my own, Rob. Did you eat it? No. Do you know what I did, Rob? What did you do? Did I complain? No.

No? Just looked at it, thought, I'm not going to, I can't have that. It's milky oats. Still paid for it. Went and waited for a table to come available at Leon. Had a lovely porridge there. Why didn't you just say, sorry, mate, can I have my money back? That's not right.

Because I don't like confrontation. It's can i have my money back that's not right because i don't like confrontation it's not confrontation it is it's not you've gone sorry mate look that's not really what i asked for can i have my money back that's like dried banana and it's all it's all like watery and milky that's not a porridge yeah well i just thought what i'll do instead is i'll complain about this on a podcast in four days in fact i didn't think that i didn't at any point think it was going to be content and I can't even remember why I brought it up in the first place. And so what did you have at Leon? Lovely ruby red porridge.

Exactly. Most people would be scared off high street porridge at this stage. Well, I've had the one at Leon before and it is the best on the high street. I do think Leon does the best breakfast. I think it's the best, like if you need quick food, it's not cheap, but the best sort of fast food that's semi-healthy it's a great porridge it's a great porridge um anything else you wanted to chat about i'll be honest i didn't want to chat about that so i don't know i've done

well you know a minute ago you said i feel really tired i've got nothing to give you i don't know what just happened. A man that denies liking porridge has complained about porridge for 10 minutes, comparing it to other porridges he's had, and admitted to only having porridge for breakfast when he's out the house. Yeah, so I don't know what's going on. When you're in a hotel and you've got a big buffet, you know the nice buffets? Yeah.

What are you eating? I wouldn't have porridge. What are you eating? I wouldn't have porridge. What are you eating? What am I eating in a nice buffet in a hotel? Yeah. You're having a little

bowl of porridge, aren't you? No, I'm not. You can have a little wander around. You'll grab a little plate of stuff you don't really want

because you feel like you're not making the most of the buffet and then what you do is, one, you've got that little plate that you're not even eating but it looks like

you're making the most of it. You'll slip over there and get a bit of porridge no no what are you having then you don't like it i'm having you don't like meat i'm having don't like pastries no i do i do a hotel buffet rob as a treat to yourself so depends on holiday yep so i'm enjoying myself a lot there i'm going all in i'm having cheeses i'm having pickles i'm having breads i'm having pastries i'm having lunch i'm having yogurts i'm having all that kind of stuff yeah so holiday that's fine but not every day would you do that every two weeks that's i don't really i don't think i've as a grown-up been on holiday for two weeks so for a week you'll do

that every day for a week and not think, I need to slip in a bit of porridge here to calm it down. No, no, no. You just go for it, hell to lever. I don't even, yeah, no, no, no. Nutella? I'm not a big fan of chocolate spread.

No, it's far too much fun and tasty. You wouldn't want to accidentally enjoy yourself would you oh dear right um what are we doing now josh um we've got suzy dent suzy dent there we go british broadcasting legend yes we love a bit of suzy dent yeah um also can i give a big before we've been on suzy dent can i give a shout out to, Lou's written another blog. If you go to Instagram, Lou underscore M-E-M, there's a link in her bio to a new blog. It's about being the default parent. And everyone always says we want to hear more from Rose and Lou

and their side of things. Obviously, we get them on the podcast to chat. Lou is a brilliant writer, so she's written a piece about being a default parent and the implications of that. And it's really good, and people are really liking it, Josh. Someone stopped her in the shops. They interrupted us, and I'm like, here we bloody go. Probably want to sell for it.

They went, oh, Lou, I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your blog. And do you know what? I absolutely hate it. No, I'm joking. I was so happy. So happy for her and proud. So, yeah, it's a really good blog. Right, now, Susie Den, she is a British TV institution,

an Alexiographer, correct? institution, an Alexiographer. Correct? Probably not. Alexiographer? Lexographer? Words. Words. Words are a...

Tool. A tool. Yeah, we love Susie. Please welcome Susie Dent. Welcome to the show, Susie Dent. Thanks for coming on, Susie. Oh, thank you. Lovely to see you guys, although you can't see me, so apologies.

We've got slight signal problems. I'm confident it's you. I'm confident it's you from The Voice. You haven't kind of outsourced this to an impressionist. No, but that's an idea. I've never ever heard anyone do an impression of me. Do you both get it all the time? I get it quite a lot from other comics.

I've never had it from a top level impressionist. I mean, that sounds like I'm slagging people off. But like, as in, you know. Okay, so I'm sorry that Alistair LeGowen's never done your voice. But I'd say I'm quite an easy, I'm basically the Frank Spence of my generation in that everyone could do an impression of me but um i can imagine it'd be good it'd be a good little sketch on an impression show wouldn't it get you and then get like you could have jimmy there's a lot of john

richardson there's a lot of good voices to do in that cat's countdown area that is true that's going to be the next sketch i mean jim, you've just got to have the laugh. Yeah. John's laugh as well is pretty distinctive. And I don't know about me, Rachel, but you can never tell if you've got something distinctive yourself, can you? I agree. Like, I went to see the Garris Southgate,

that play about Garris Southgate they did in the West End. Yeah. And there was a woman who played Alex Scott. You know Alex Scott, the football pundit, former footballer? Yeah. And this woman's impression of her was so good, suddenly you noticed the way Alex Scott spoke,

if you know what I mean. So until you see someone do Susie Dent, you won't understand Susie Dent. I think I've had years and years ago, and this was not an impression, but I think Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie did a really good sketch of Countdown. Yes. How long have you been on Countdown now, Susie?

31 years. Blimey. I know. Blimey. Not full time. So the first few years, I was one of many. We just rotated various people in the corner, and I was just working for the dictionary.

So it was a bit of a sideways move. And then I think I went full time in 2003, maybe. So you were working for the dictionary? Yeah, yeah. I never meant to get into telling. How do you work for the dictionary? Okay. So there are lexicographers, right, who are people who write the dictionaries, who sit in front of databases. They're very quiet dictionary officers because essentially they're just staring at these databases of language, which are fascinating. I'll take your word for that.

Everything gets fed into these databases. There are billions and billions of words. It could be a podcast recording. It could be you guys it could be um chat room conversations text conversations transcripts of you know chats on the street uh scholarly journals novels you name it so everything gets fed into these databases and then they study them to see which words are bubbling under which words are you know breaking through the surface and are really popular,

which slang words are coming into use. So the dictionary's got a lot of slang in it, even though a lot of dictionary corner guests hate that fact. But, you know, slang is the one category that no one can understand because it's designed to be, you know, incomprehensible to most of us. So that's why we need it in the dictionary. If we wanted to get a word in the dictionary, how often would we need to use it and in how many different places yeah well that's your your halfway there actually because you uh for a word to go in it has to be

used quite widely so not just by one person on the same in the same place um it has to be um used without needing a definition so um you know if it's a word where you know what it means but no one else does and you're constantly having to explain it then that's probably not going to get it in the dictionary right yeah but there's no hard and fast rule anymore when i first joined lup oxford university press they they had quite a hard rule that it would be five years of usage and it had to show real signs of longevity and be used by lots of different people but now you know a word I remember when chav came in in 2004 that's hundreds of years old but I remember chav was suddenly everywhere and there was no way that they were going to wait to put that in because everybody wanted a definition of it um likewise with brexit which was probably the most awaited definition ever because theresa may just kept saying well brexit is brexit um so that one had to come along quite

quickly as well so now the speed is um pretty intense and they're online dictionary so things can go in you know almost immediately if they want them to right okay blimey and how did you end up on countdown we will come to you we will come to parenting sorry but i'm genuinely um fascinated by like people who accidentally end up doing quite high profile jobs like that yeah well it's not like you know what i think it's only really high profile thanks to asus 10 cats really because before then i was just quite happily flying below the radar because what i do is so specific i mean it's not a very transferable skill and uh i was quite happy working at this point on the publishing side so i was kind of commissioning point on the publishing side so I was kind of commissioning reference books and various things and OUP Oxford Dictionaries had a deal with ITV and Channel 4 so that they provided the word

referee so they provided someone from the dictionary department who could sit in the corner and say yes that's it or no that's not and I had been there I think a week when my boss said uh look they really need new people they've got about four and they need a team of about six um would you like to do it and I said no um and continued to say no for about four or five months until he said uh well actually I think it would be very good for your job which basically meant you have to do this so um so i went and i i'm not even sure i had an audition i think i was just plunged straight in um with the lovely team and was it richard whiteley in those days and he was great and i was sitting next to rula lansker um you can see it on youtube unfortunately i. I look completely terrified.

Immediately going on there. I bet you look terrified. You're like someone who's sat in a silent dictionary office and then you're being put on television with Rula Lensker and Richard Whiteley and Carol Vorderman. They were all so lovely, honestly. They were genuinely nice. And then I just went, I only went there about two or three times a year and the rest of the time I was quite happily working away and then Richard and Carol thankfully thought actually I think we need a proper you know solid team and uh and so I was really I know and this is not humblebragging I genuinely was incredibly lucky. And do you... Last question on this and then we'll get on to the kids. And do you enjoy Countdown or 8 Out Of 10 Catsters Countdown more?

What's more stressful? And is the fee different? You don't have to say less or more, but is it different? Yes, it's different that must have been nice that carried on i bet you because you did the one off and i bet you and rachel like this could be a bit of a winner here i should ask have you got children because otherwise we're gonna have to really string out this countdown chat yeah i have two girls who

don't really care that much about any of the Countdown stuff. Do they not? Not really I don't talk about it that much. If ever by accident it's half term or holidays or whatever and Countdown turns up on the telly I just

I have to ask them to switch it off. Yeah I'm the same. Not with you but when it's me on the telly. just i have to ask them to switch it off yeah i'm the same not not with you but when it's me on the telly i don't have to switch countdown so it's really mean i didn't mean you i mean i'm gonna call it rob i don't know if that's ever come up in your house whether you do or don't switch off countdown um so how old are your daughters suzy so one is doing edgy sissy so one is 16 and the other is now 24. Oh, wow. And are they in the words, like, have you passed on your love of words? Like, because obviously you've got such a kind of unique job.

Yeah. Is that a family thing? No. I don't know whether I'm sad or happy about that, but I milked the full potential of it when they were little. So I would be, you know, we'd go out to the park or whatever and I'd tell them where Marigold comes from or Daisy comes from. I'm not sure we actually saw Marigolds, but I was going to get it in anyway.

What kind of part are you in? That sort of is a spoon. That's what the word spoon, lighter,, junkie, crackhead comes from. What a lovely day out, girls. So I was told where all these came from. And I think two or three words have really struck with them because I had banged on about them for ages. One is a word that I squeeze into any conversation I have

if the weather's right, and that's apricity which is the uh the warmth of the sun on your back on a winter's day so they remember that oh that's nice apricity it's beautiful i like that yeah one of my favorites and it uh only it was only recorded once in the 17th century and then no one used it again it's very sad what until until you brought it back well it's not been recorded since then. I think it should be gone then, Susie, under your rules of adding stuff. Let's get rid of the old shit.

Oh, no. Well, no, you've got to move on, evolve or die. No one's used that. Also, turn around, get it on your fucking face. They want sun on their back when they can face it. It works for that as well. Yeah. It works.

Yeah, there's room for old. We're works. Yeah, we give this room for old. We're online dictionaries now. There's room for everything. Anyway, so I would, you know, some of those I think went in, but inevitably you just get the eye roll now. Yeah. And I just think, well, surely they'll be polite enough to show a bit of interest, but.

No, no chance. They don't give a shit. Not with you. Just kids in general don't care, do they? they yeah i'm hoping it will come back full circle but um so do you do you try um comedy routines or jokes on your children no i would i i maybe i need to change this but i i don't want them to feel like they're children of a comedian in like do you know what i mean in that kind of um in capital letters if you know what i mean i don't feel like i should that should be the big thing in our house that i'm i'm the funny guy because i'm not really in the house anyway and you know some people say

i'm not on eight out of ten cats does countdown on certain episodes but um do you do that do you know what you made me laugh on i remember you talking about i don't know if i'm really like doing it because i always team up with john and make us being the sort of the two nerdy guys and that's just not who i am and i thought who's gonna break it to him i will put you with sean you could be the alpha boys together um no oh i i don't yeah i don't sort of bring work home but if we're messing about i do go full throttle i'll dress up be silly and try and make them laugh and stuff like that but i wouldn't sit them down and go this richard prye routine um you know like anything seriously but um

no but are they academic do they take after you or they're doing different stuff what what's you you've got one still at school and then what's your older daughter at uni or working they've gone past uni so now working and um i just it's it's so strange isn't it in terms of um i mean it's such a cliche the whole nature versus nurture thing but they couldn't be more different um so one is very listy loves making lists incredibly organized uh and quite academic and the other the absolute opposite but you know i i love that i'm the absolute antithesis of a pushy mom i think i should push more but i don't push at all do you not i i like that i because you know some

people would go i bet suzy dent sat her children down with flash cards at the age of six months and she was going you know car a pretty ct you know son etc um but that wasn't you no none of that um some parents are like that though it's It's like really into it, isn't it? I know you've got to be a bit into the education of it all, but some people, it's like, even at a young age, you've got to do this, you've got to do that. And it's just like, calm off. It's just a bit too much, isn't it?

Yeah, I think it is. I think there is a middle ground, isn't there? You don't have to be the helicopter mum or whatever. I mean, I think there's one, I don't know if you've ever heard of this dictionary called the Devil's Dictionary, which was written by someone called Ambrose Beers. And basically, he takes all the traditional dictionary definitions and then makes up his own. And there's one about motherhood, which totally sums me up. So I might not be pushy, but I am

ridiculously protective in certain areas. And the biggest one is the weather i just don't like them being cold so he says in this dictionary he defines sweater as garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly yeah it's so true i have this not debate and now i'm just of the view i just take the coat and they have to come to they will want the coat when they're cold yeah nature will take its course and yeah all right they leave them in a field see if they survive if you're doing that no but do you know what i mean like when i go to i went to the park with my kids on saturday morning and my son was refusing to wear his coat and you're just like well just take it and he will yeah he didn't

but i thought you know he will come to it i still do that age 24 though do you and um you know if anyone they don't thank god but if anyone was to follow me around taking photos um when i'm with my kids i would be the one holding the coat always i will just take it just in case never say say you're going to the shop say you're going to walk down to the local shops and go to the cafe so to eat and you put your coat on and you go oh you're not wearing a coat and she goes no i don't want to wear a coat mum yeah what are you doing um i might surreptitiously stuff it in my bag amazing it's just that's the kind of last vestige of my kind of uh protectiveness really is a coat thing

i don't know why it bothers me so much but it really really does and i think it's because i get cold at the drop of the hat so you i don't know if you remember but in the countdown studio i always have a hot water bottle no do you yeah rachel and I have joint custody of this hot water bottle because it's been proven that studios, in any kind of working environment, is set to a man's body temperature and not a woman's. There's been loads of papers. Oh, that's interesting. That is true and in offices, but my argument is

you could always put a jumper on, I can't go topless. You could always put a jumper on. I can't go topless. So I think the other option is we make it hotter and then you don't have a hot water bottle, but then we'll be topless. And then that's worse. Well, there's a happy medium there. It's like the tundra in that studio.

Yeah, not when you're grafting. You've got the words written down. I'm thinking. The cogs are going. I'm sweating up there trying to work out a word. I don't have the words preselected. But, you know, that is true down. I'm thinking. The cogs are going. I'm sweating up there trying to work out a word. I don't have the words pre-selected. But, you know, that is true, though, about that. But then I have this argument in the radio,

when I do the radio, producer George always says it's too cold, then I'm too hot. But I'm like, well, I can't take any more clothes off. Yeah. Do you know, Letterman has his, or had his studio, icy cold because there is a theory that people are more likely to laugh cold than they are. If you're hot, you're falling asleep.

If you're cold, you're sharp. Yes, I've heard that as well. Of the people on Countdown, who would you be most perturbed out of Jimmy, John Richardson and Rob about going topless in a hot studio? Maybe Jimmy. Then we can work out whether he, did he have a hair transplant down there? Yes. I think Jimmy's body, like, you know, does the work stop at the neck? Is the body older than the head?

Do you know what I mean? I'd pay good money to see Jimmy Carr naked. Would you? Yeah. Just through intrigue. Not sexual. Just pure, what's happening in there? What's he got going on down there?

Because he could either have a completely nothing-y body or a huge six-pack and a giant dick. And I'd accept both either way. I couldn't tell you what's there. With John Richardson, I can sort of tell. you i can imagine yeah i can imagine john's body i can if i close my eyes i can picture john's body okay i've never and imagined any of the bodies on card and i have to say so i'm trying to doing this now i mean they all think everyone looks amazing i'm not saying they don't look amazing so So you're suggesting that we...

I'm just saying I can't tell you what Jimmy Carter looks like naked, but John Richardson, I could draw it, I think, very accurately. I don't think Jimmy would have chest hair. No, I think he'd be quite... I think he'd be pruned within an inch of his life. He's like a shaved otter. Smooth, slick, lean, ready to go. go at any point he can stand up and do 90 minutes to stand up without a flicker i think yeah exactly now so your kids are getting older

um the coat thing you're still doing what how are you dealing with them going on nights out or partners or you know coming in late are you staying up are they both living at home still is the older one moved out once moved out so um i am i just i don't know neither of my kids are massive party animals so they know they had to have a good time but yeah there's no way i could go to bed without knowing where both of them are or not no that's not true because the other ones moved out but if one of them was at home if both of them were at home and they'd gone out i there's nowhere i could go to bed um your your kids aren't old enough for this yet no no so i think that will come um you just you just can't it's just inbuilt so suzy say you're 16 year olds at home and she's gone to bed because she's got a gcse she's 24 year old staying with you the night she's out meeting friends for drinks in london do you live in town where do you do you at well in

the in the local town so it's half an hour cab away or whatever right and she's getting a cab back to yours yeah she says i'll be late it's a big party you might be going to a club yes you're suzy dent it's friday night it's 10 p.m what happens now okay so in that situation i would probably fall asleep i'd keep waking up. At 11 p.m. you'd fall asleep, presumably, because the thrill of Last Leg would power you through to 11 p.m., I imagine. So you're on the sofa, you're not in bed? No, I think I would be in bed and I'd probably keep falling asleep

and then I would wake up with a shock at 2 a.m. and just go to sleep if her bedroom door was closed. I think I would do that. I mean, how do you think? Have you got... I'm dreading it. I've got one of each. And I'm terrified about the teenage years.

Because obviously there's the push away. Do you know what I mean? Which I don't think I'm built for. You're not built for rejection? I'm not built for. You're not built for rejection. I'm not built for rejection. Were you built for it, Susie? No, there are really, really tough moments but I think also if your peers are going through it at the same time,

you can just, you know, you can laugh about it when the angst is kind of the immediate angst has passed and also yeah I think I think I intellectualized it enough to know that it was a really important thing that was happening however however difficult it was emotionally so you kind of thought your way out of the sadness yeah I think I did but it is quite an amount of time and it's difficult as a woman as well not to get caught up in the whole sort of hormonal angst because i feel like it's all really infectious so every mood is affected and um yeah it is it is tough i mean it doesn't have to be really really tough i think for some it's worse than others but they do come back

round and that's my promise to you is um you kind of think this is always going to be like this but it genuinely isn't so you have that lovely kind of return and the circle is circled again and it's it's all okay but yeah it can be difficult but I think honestly I think you'll probably be better the fear of it is worse than the reality I think well that's good to hear that's good to hear you've got the whole online stuff as well though yeah I'm dreading the online stuff did you did you have the online stuff I did I didn't growing up thank goodness but um but I I mean I see it unfolding all the time and it's just what I find really depressing is the whole transactional side of it. So can you imagine in our childhoods if we had been online and then someone just blocked us for no reason, we would be devastated. Oh, yeah. Oh, God.

But also as all young women, especially and men do it as well, but more women like this isn't a joke for what Kate Middleton's been up to, but doctoring and editing photos online to portray an image that doesn't exist. And I know everyone's joking about the Kate Middleton thing, but I think it's mental that the future queen is doctoring imagery and admitting to it. It's like it's getting to the stage where it's like everyone's showing a fake version of themselves on the Internet. Yeah. And that mental health wise, that is just devastating. And that's really tricky. But i just i in some ways i think well maybe this is actually building a huge amount of resilience because i would have just

you know not surfaced for about a week if someone had suddenly blocked me but it just okay okay yeah you're gone and they might think oh well why did that happen and then literally they just move on because it's such a standard thing now and um i can't get my head around that at all so that is not not great and i would also just say don't get your kids mobiles until they're in secondary school that would be my piece of advice as well i think that's what we're looking at year seven like there's getting the summer of they're going to secondary school yeah yeah and did you have a or have you had to do any like I'm not allowing you to got a mobile, but you can't do TikTok or you can't do Instagram or how does it work?

Yeah. So I think I did do that. But I think you then reach a point where you just there's absolutely no point because you can't hover over their phones. There's just there's a point where you just think, OK, you're now entitled to your privacy. hover over their phones. There's a point where you just think, okay, you're now entitled to your privacy. And also, I think I'm really lucky because both my kids talk to me about everything, which is so different from my generation.

And I mean, not to the point where I feel like it's not healthy for them to tell me everything because of course they have to have their own lives. But I think I'm hoping I would know if something was really really wrong yeah but you know and i know that's not necessarily the case for everyone and i don't think i had that growing up either but um yeah so i think they reached the point where i just thought okay i can't hover over a phone and it actually would be really wrong to do that but that was a

kind of instinctive thing that i felt um rather than I didn't have a set rule about it. But I did. I definitely resist TikTok for quite a long time. You just stood next to them holding their coat when they was online. Yeah, some glooming shadow. So this podcast you're doing with Giles Brandreth, is that all about words as well? It's something that rhymes with purple. Is that the one? Yeah, something that rhymes with purple.

So I waffle on about words, and Giles just talks about every single person he's met who turns out to be a world. I love Giles Brandreth. I went on The Wheel and Giles Brandreth was on it. And he was so funny, it was unbelievable. Yeah, he is really funny I just so the way you said that Josh

I feel like I met Barry Cryer once and I sat in a pub with him and he was probably in his 80s I was in my 20s and I was just in awe of all his stories I just had visions of you when you're 80 just sat in a pub talking to new comics about being on the wheel with Giles Brander what it is is you know when you

obviously you can meet you you know, Frank Skinner and you go, I bet he's funny. Yeah. But you don't expect Giles Brandreth to absolutely boss the wheel. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, he just, no, he, he, it has, I've done radio broadcasts with him

and he honestly has got the audience in the palm of his hand. He is really funny. He's indefatigable. He just doesn't stop. I mean, literally last year he said the only day he had off was Christmas Day and he hated it because he just

loves working. He's got problems. I think he needs to step back a bit so that's too much. That is true. Just him jumper spying. Where did he get his jumpers from I don't think he needs the jumpers I think the jumper when someone wears a wacky jumper you think oh maybe that's making up for something he does he could wear a normal jumper and still be as funny he's so good and so charismatic he doesn't even need the jumpers he's got a jumper company this

is what I mean he just oh here he is he's always on the earth Oh, he invented the best-selling jumper ever, he told me. What, the Gap hoodie? No. The one... He gave a jumper to Princess Diana. She wore it. And it was so popular that it's the best-selling jumper design ever. Yes.

How do you know this? Yes. Because he told me on the wheel. And you won the gold award for best entertainment podcast for something rhymes with purple yeah that was that was in the first year it's a funny business podcasting isn't it i think the best um definition of it i heard is that it's like being in a recording studio before the red light goes on yeah yeah that's a good way of looking at it you kind of talking but yeah it's just it's very different, as you know,

because this is hugely successful. Are you not in the top five all the time? Well, we don't really look anymore. We've become too cool for that. And by that, I mean, no, we're not. Tell you what we haven't got. Branded mugs, tote bags and T-shirts like you guys have. I don't know if we sell any of those but i have got in front of

me i have actually got merch well yeah we were told that merch was was quite a good thing but it's just i've got a mug here which has got um the word bloviator on it and it says noun someone who talks at great length on a subject they know very little about and is that a real word a bloviator yeah you've got a t-shirt with smell fungus written on it oh i love smell fungus so smell fungus is somebody who finds fault in every single thing and person that they meet a smell fungus so someone described is there a right smell fungus yes yeah it's good isn't it is mood hoover in there mood hoover um is that in the dictionary let me have a look i think that could be our word that we try and get going josh and then could get it in the dictionary

yeah okay let me have a look um oh come on you should be off the top of your nut come on suzy it's your bread and butter hang on it's not in this it's no it's not in the mood hoover I think we could get that going someone that just takes all of the energy and joy out of the room we've interviewed a few mood hoovers haven't we I tell you what we have been hoovered my mood's been sucked straight up

oh yeah but delighted to say Susie your hoover is on blow rather than suck in terms of energy in the room no I'm delighted to say, Susie, your hoover is on blow rather than suck in terms of energy in the room. I'm not Judas, Josh. No, I'm not Jimmy Carr. No, get your head out of the gutter. Do you find Jimmy Carr's jokes a bit much

in those intros, Susie? Well, what I still love about it is that the audience are never quite sure whether I'm going to be really hurt by them. I know. I always feel a bit awkward. I really don't mind. And if they're

really bad then um his the producer will show them to me before he says jimmy just wanted to check that you'd be happy oh that's nice they don't do that with our jokes and they're really brutal yeah always having a go at us and what we look like jimmy's two lines of attack on me and they often kind of coalesce in one in one intro is that I'm a sex addict or that I'm so boring I'm a form of euthanasia. Right. Those are the two lines. If I ever, ever have a new book out, I will inevitably get a whole load of people saying,

show it to Jimmy. So maybe that'll shut him up. But, yeah, I genuinely don't mind his intros. And with his intros, did they evolve over time? Yes. Because it wasn't like the first one. You were like, whoa, what the hell's going on here? There's Susie the...

Oh, God, we're just mashing up for charity here. I really didn't know how to be for the first few shows because I just... I think I was trying too hard to be comedian because i thought that's what was expected and i'm i'm not and so it fell really flat and i just i just thought i don't know i really don't know what to do and so in some ways it felt quite comfortable being jimmy stooge and he was quite respectful at first as well but it's also think a bit odd because he'd be so rude to all of you and then come over to me and rachel and he'd say a few nice things um but yeah but no i just what

i would really love from both of you is just a few comeback lines if possible to jimmy yeah well you can go you can go on his tax can't you obviously yeah say yeah i'll tell you all you could say i'd love to i would love to have a joke about your appearance, Jimmy, but I can't write one because your appearance keeps changing. Oh, here we go. That's quite good. That's nice. Yeah.

Have you ever discussed parenting with Jimmy or Rachel or John? Or John? Not specifically. I mean, I do sometimes. I choose my word origins on Countdown and sometimes I'll come up with a word that I love that is to do with parenting. And Rach seems to appreciate those. But I mean, we talk about our kids all the time, but I don't think we give parenting advice. I mean, what advice is there really?

I don't know. I think I'd love to think I was full of wisdom, but I'm not sure I am. I was going to say, what do you do with your kids now then? Because they're older. Do you have stuff? Because when they're young, you sort of do whatever they want, but then they get into their own tastes and stuff like that. Are there things you bond over or are you going to these concerts of bands

you don't really like, but you just want to spend time with your daughters or is this stuff that you're into together? Well, it's really lovely. There's quite a big age gap between them. And so it was quite difficult when they were really young to find things that they both liked to do. It was either too young or too old, but now it doesn't make any difference. And actually, the three of us have great times. We just go out to eat. So we had a really lovely meal out the other day because it was mother's day and yeah so it's actually got a lot lot easier and um we just we laugh a lot which is really

lovely as well so i feel a lot better and better you know when you're when the kids are like four five six seven you just think this is just getting this this i can't believe it's just getting better every year and then you're dreading like josh you're just dreading that 13 year old threshold um but it actually yeah as i say it come it comes back round and actually i think the best years are now for me um because they're just everyone just kind of gets on makes each other laugh and you know the kids message each other all the time without me so i'm i'm not kind of conduit between them which i think is really nice as well so that's good well the best years are always now because there only is now really because what's gone's gone and there's no point worrying about

the future because it's not happening so i think if you just drill down into what's going on right now because you can spend the whole time going oh god but what about this what about that but that's not happening now is it and it's more just trying to get the best, even if they are being a pain in the arse, and go, well, this is all we've got here. So we've got to crack on with it. That's very true. And there's a lovely word.

So I'm going to bore you with one of the words now. I like her word. I like her. You don't book Susie Dent and whatnot and not want some nice words. Well, it's not actually a particularly nice word in itself, but it's just got a lovely thing and it goes back to um to ancient greece right and it's anti-pelagic which just sounds really odd but it's

like um it's all to do with storks the bird and nothing to do with storks bringing babies along but storks in classical times were thought to be really kind and sweet and to look after their parents in old age so they were thought to for example if they flew anywhere and they had to travel some distance with their parents they would carry their parents on their wings and so the word means like returned favors it's like you you have as the parent done everything you can for your children and then suddenly that gets reversed and it's like a a requital of love that's nice it's just peaceful it's like requited love of the really best kind so i i do think although we're not stalks obviously i do think that we that we get there and and do you think do you these words because these just come you've obviously

you're you're you know this is not just your job but it's your passion right yeah so are you doing are you doing this when you're going for your mother's day meal with your daughters are you going actually there is a lovely word shut up mom what do you want yeah i wouldn't do that i might sneak it into a card or um but no i i wouldn't get that i just i just kind of enjoy them for myself i mean i might try sometimes but i'm not sure i'd get the best reception um but i just hope i try and slip words into general into my general conversation and if they ask me about them great and if not i just hope that there's at some level they're absorbing them a little bit. Do they follow you on TikTok?

I hope not. Do you follow them? No, I really don't. No. Well, what I really don't want to do is have... I just don't, because I'm really private. I'm an incredibly private person, so I just don't want anyone to make connections with them either. Are you going to follow your children on Instagram,

or whatever it is in those days rob yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna start collabing with them now i won't follow them though i i again we're the same obviously we talk about our kids a lot and stuff but we i don't we don't give their names out and when i have we don't put their faces out and stuff so they have a little bit of they can go their own way but um i'll definitely be you know have a we've got a couple of little private accounts that we do with friends and family anyway which is quite handy so that they can look at photos and stuff lou puts it all up if i put a photo out of my children with me i'll tend to like photoshop it so the arm looks weird or something like that just but i think you love to experiment don't you all amateur photographers enjoy doing that so all all i'm always editing my children's knees and hands that's how i spend my mother's day evening i don't know about you when i'm recovering from surgery and i'm too you know and i can't you

know go out in public because i'm still recovering i will spend hours on my laptop on photoshop just tweaking the sleeves of my kids tops anyway the news cycle will have moved on by friday um i don't think it will um what do you think brandreth's like as a dad because we've got him coming on soon so what what would you ask him about parenting that's a really good question um i well i'd ask him about his children's names because he does talk about his kids and their names on the podcast and they are incredible so you can ask him about the inspiration for their name oh yeah looking forward to that do you think they're embarrassed by the jumpers no i don't think so i just i get the feeling that they are all incredibly in sync actually

and he just he's just had a birthday and he sent me a picture of this amazing cake that his grandkids had made. He's got his grandkids around. So when I did Gogglebox with him, I was a last-minute swap for Maureen Lippman or Joanna Lumley or somebody. He's got his grandkids coming in and out. And that's the different side of Giles. He's got a bust of Shakespeare and pictures of Judy dench everywhere and all the people that he knows um

and then just just such a messy kitchen well not that messy but just you know it's just home it's a beautiful house but it's very very homely and he he genuinely is a very warm person so i think he'd be a very loving granddad actually and dad um what what about you though because your your girls are getting older now. Are you looking forward to being a grandparent or are you not bothered? Or what's your views on that? I think, actually, I don't know.

I've got mixed views. I sort of feel like I'm looking forward to freedom but also kind of slightly dreading it. So it's that kind of the mixed emotion. Parenting's full of mixed emotions, isn't it? Yeah, I think I would completely love a grandchild when it comes, but I'm definitely not in a hurry, no. Yeah, because you're a babysitter in that situation, aren't you?

Suddenly your freedom's gone slightly. Before you know it, you're spending your evening babysitting. And I think it's just one more person to worry about when it comes to coats and all the other worries of course one more coat to carry around that's the spirit suzy there's another coat to carry around for 25 years i i i just spread my stress again across everything so that's uh i think you've i think you've done well to just move it into coats do you know what i mean i think that really helps that that's i think you've i think you've done well to just move it into coats do you know what i mean i think that really helps that that's good because it means that during summer you're worry free

exactly totally liberating and um any holiday although then it's the sun cream actually maybe it's not just one thing sun cream comes out then and that's the other thing but oh my word yeah it never ends no what will end by asking you this is there one because you've got grown-up children is there stuff you still get annoyed with that your daughter does um the your 24 year old daughter that you if you told her this if you would say on the podcast then she'd maybe change her behavior is it the coat thing or is there anything else that she does that you think it would just make my life easier if you just live like this um the only thing i can think of is uh being a passenger in the car and your oh yeah your foot going through the floor for the

break uh so even though it feels like she's sitting on the car in front she's probably not but i just i can't i can't take it so my hands on the dashboard well not the dashboard but you know in front of me my foot is on the invisible brake and i just close my eyes it's a bit like me in a roller coaster actually i just um i close my eyes and want it to end so that that's more me uh than her is that and is that because of her driving or because of who she is uh she is? She's always just kind of in a hurry. But no, she is actually an incredibly safe driver. This is just more me catastrophizing. And I actually can't wait, Josh, for you to sit in the car.

If you're worried about social media and stuff, you've got driving lessons to come and all of that. Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, life. It's just problems after problems after problems. No, but joy there's joy there's joy there's huge joy to come but uh so that's the only thing i would just just wanted to do is uh is drive less quickly but you know that's just that's just the same with every single parent but other than that um no do you know what i really have reached the point where the na has come down across the lens of my eye

and everything seems just sort of lovely again. So I would say just honestly get through the teenage years. They may not be as bad as you think. And, oh, God, there's just sunshine on the other side. There's loads of electricity, guys. Lovely. Very positive. That's a beautiful ending.

That's what you needed, Josh. Yeah, I am going to go into the day with a spring in my step. lovely very positive this is that's a beautiful ending that's what you needed Josh yeah I am gonna go into the day with a spring in my step like Giles Brandreth arriving at the wheel cheers Susie thank you

thank you Susie Dent lovely Susie Dent her podcast Something Rhymes With Purple with Giles Brandreth that is available now it's won awards

etc etc etc there's one small fungus t-shirt available in the merch store for them in a size small I know you clicked on that

I clicked on the merch store they're just down to the small they've sold out everything except one small t-shirt so if you're a little

fella that likes smell fungus on your top get involved that's where you go. And it's been reduced from 20 to 16 pounds. Right, Josh, I'll see you next week. See you there.

Bye. Hello, I'm Tim Reid. You probably don't know me as the creator and writer of sitcoms like Peter Kay's Car Share and Meet the Richardsons because I write shows with other people's names in the title. Not anymore. Welcome to my new podcast, Fist of Firsts with Tim Reid. In Fist of Firsts, I'll be chatting to the biggest names in comedy about the pivotal first steps in their careers and their creative process. Fist of Firsts

with me, Tim Reid. Find it wherever you get your pods. Fox, comedian, internet sketch hussy, and Hell's resident receptionist. And me, Dane Buckley, comedian, black belt in contemporary dance, and lapsed angel. Each week, we read outrageous confessions from you, the listener, and judge them. We also welcome fabulous guests like Tom Allen and Rosie Jones to the pit to share their own tales of sin and embarrassment and have a good old-fashioned natter. Because if anywhere is a safe space to acknowledge that we're all little demons at heart, it's down here. So come join us. Welcome to Hell is available now wherever you get your podcasts.