Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP22: Simon Mayo

Episode Date: March 22, 2024

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant DJ, presenter and author - Simon Mayo. You can listen to Simon's film podcast with Mark Kermode 'Take' ...here; https://listen.sonymusic-podcasts.link/Hr_IGJsI?at=1010l396Y Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: Hello@lockdownparenting.co.uk INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: hello@keepitlightmedia.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.
Starting point is 00:00:23 And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Charlie? Yeah?
Starting point is 00:00:41 Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Whiddicombe? Josh Whiddicombe. Josh Whiddicombe. Josh Whiddicombe. Josh Whiddicombe. Josh Whiddicombe.
Starting point is 00:00:57 Oh, there we go. I like that. That was a video. He was on a swing throughout as well. So he was kind of timing it. Really? Yeah, very nice. Hi, Rob and Josh. This is my best friend, Jen, and her three her three year old son, Charlie. She was too embarrassed
Starting point is 00:01:08 to send one in in case Rob takes the piss out of her. So I've secretly done it for her. Going hard Rob. We would argue that we are your biggest fans. You do make us laugh so much and we listen religiously. We're coming to see you next year, Rob and cannot wait. Thanks for being the best. Emma from Sutton Coldfield stroke Birmingham. Join my mailing list. Emma, if you want to complete that if maybe I'll go on tour at some point, but Rob is on tour. He's on tour. Where can I get to your mailing list? Good question. joshwiddekom.com? joshwiddekom.com. Is that a confirmation? is it dotco dot uk?
Starting point is 00:01:49 JoshWiddicombe.com mailing list sign up there and you have to just tell them you're not a robot so if you are a robot we will get you. I'll take the tickets if you're a robot still. What's your big problem with a robot? I just think they're taking over and I think we need to fucking stamp it out. Captcha, what's that? What's wrong with a robot signed up to your mailing list? I know. Do you know what? If they want to come and see me live, they can come and see me live. I don't mind AI if they start buying tickets. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:02:21 Bums on seat, bums on Z. And surely it's the biggest kind of vote of confidence if AI, which can work out to a very high level, is interested in seeing you. That's a real big vote of confidence for your comedy. Exactly. I think we just need to accept the modern world. And if I'm selling tickets to people, get AI listeners. Exactly, Rob. Get everyone on board. Exactly. If you're listening and you're AI, good on you. Exactly, Rob. Get everyone on board.
Starting point is 00:02:41 Exactly. If you're listening and you're AI, good on you. Yeah, we've got a small business shower here to Android 3.1.4, who has been listening from the start and is setting up his new business, which is government coup. Where he's getting a few of his gang together to take down the humanoids. Oh, talking about gigging, right.
Starting point is 00:03:02 I know we have not done much parenting stuff as of late. I had to do the Royal Albert Hall, didn't have to do it, but I was doing the Royal Albert Hall. It's a great gig. Oh, that's exciting. And TNAS Cancer Trust, but it is 5,000 people, huge stage, Roger Daltrey's there, the best lineup in comedy, Kevin Bridges, Sean Walsh, Paul Chowdhury, Jermyn Alley, Joe Lysett. Something for everyone. A brilliant lineup. It was really good. Good night in the end. However, I went and did a little
Starting point is 00:03:29 warm up gig the night before. And it was a Kevin Bridges and Friends gig. It was a Kevin Bridges new material gig. And I went out and because I've written my show, but my show is sort of like not ready yet, because I'm not on tour in November. I've got loads of bits that are really good and are going to be ready and perfect. Good to go for November. And the final, I'm doing a work in progress, but what I tried to do was pick about seven little bits from the set and do that. Cause that I'm like, well, they get the biggest laughs in the work in progress. If I just do those seven and they're about, you know, two minutes each, then I'll just do that. I went on I've never been
Starting point is 00:04:05 so lost and confused in my life. I was just like stood up there and as I'm doing it I'm getting no laughs. Also they're mainly there for Kevin although they're only there for Kevin. No one's there for and friends. No one's there. I'm gonna but I hate Kevin Bridges but I love and friends. I don't like Kevin Bridges but I wonder what his mates are like. They're all super Kevin Bridges fans. And Kevin's absolutely amazing. He's a brilliant host. He's really funny. I went on and I just was all over the place, but I had that existential, maybe you just can't do this. Maybe now's the time. You can't do this, you're useless, and all that.
Starting point is 00:04:45 And my head completely went, died on my ass. And then I was all like, stress coming off. And I did, can you see that on my arm? I've got like a little, like a scabby thing like that. Is that from Kevin Bridges? No, no, no, so I had a scab like that, right? Two weeks ago after playing football on a Tuesday, and it all scabbed up, and it was a bit sore still,
Starting point is 00:05:04 but it scabbed. As I came off stage, I was sort of stressed and sort of moving a bit quick. I brought my arm around, I had a jacket on, and there was a corner of a door, a handle, metal, went directly into the scab, and it felt all warm and wet. I pulled my jacket off, it had gone straight into that scab.
Starting point is 00:05:24 As I pulled my jacket off, my arm was into that scab. As I pulled my jacket off, my arm was pissing out blood and then the scab fell out my sleeve like a spider. Oh my god. And I was like, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh,
Starting point is 00:05:36 ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, Ugh, Ugh, Ugh, Ugh, Ugh, Ugh, Ugh, Ugh, Ugh, Ugh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Uh, Oh my word. And it was all, and then so I was, my head was completely gone. And normally that's fine because you go and do another low key gig a few days later. Was this the next night Royal Label? The next night.
Starting point is 00:05:55 Oh no. Anyway, so what I did was I went, I tell you what I'll do is rather than trying to pick and choose, I'll just pick a couple of subjects that is working quite well at the moment and I'm just going to have to ride it and try and work it out on stage, but go in full of beans and confident and just go, this is my angle. So I've got loads of stuff about moving to the countryside and it's a bit more nuanced and a quite interesting view on it. I think, however, I was like, well, if I just go out and go, I've moved to
Starting point is 00:06:20 the countryside, they're all in London, they're in Laubach, they're all Londoners and go, I moved to the countryside and I hate it and just sort of slag off the countryside for a bit because I knew that would work because they're all going to be Londoners that go, yeah, we want to stay here actually, like you. We don't go to the, you know, whatever. Like me. Yeah. So I was doing that and I say, oh, everyone's a bit old and all that in the countryside and stuff like that. And it was sort of true, but not really true, but hamming it up for effect because I've never been so nervous before.
Starting point is 00:06:43 Got to get through it. Kevin Bridges is there, one of the best ever to do it. And then you've got Jo Lysett, National Treasurer. Joanne McNally, who's brilliant. I've only seen her a couple of times. She's like rising star, going to be selling out arenas forever. She's amazing. Then you've got John Bishop down arena, Sean Walsh running the best live acts, Paul Trowdry's done Wembley Arena. Walls, one of the best live acts, Paul Trowdry, he's done Wembley Arena. Proper like I was crapping myself. Anyway, so I went out, give it a big and just hammered the countryside basically.
Starting point is 00:07:11 Yeah. Anyway, I did it and I got through it went all right. And I was like, Oh God, I was a bit buzzing. I was like, it was solid. Right. And, but before and I was questioning whether I should ever do comedy again. All right. That's going to Royal Albert Hall.
Starting point is 00:07:22 And also you're doing it as a teenage cancer trust. So then you're going, I've got to make sure it's a good night. I don't want to let anyone down. It's such an important thing. They're raising money for charity. And then also going, Oh, what are you worried about? You see little jokes here. There's people going through actual shit
Starting point is 00:07:32 and my brain's like, I've never got me for both. Come on. You can't have a go at me for not doing a good enough job and then have a go at me for taking it too serious. Come on, just do one side. Anyway, I do the gig, come off and I've basically just absolutely hammered where I live now. But I don't really mean it. I just thought it'll... Yeah, I get a text message. Your old neighbors thought your set was brilliant. My current neighbors that I refer to as old.
Starting point is 00:08:03 Oh, no. Oh, no. We're at the gig. Oh my god no. Oh no. Oh my god. How old are they Rob? They're up there, do you know what though, it wasn't, they're like, oh no this could get worse. Probably 28. I'd say 50s. Yeah. I'd say mid 50s. So 60s. You're thinking 60s. That's a big bit. I don't have to listen to this. I'd say mid 50s. I know. Oh, you know, that's not you. And as I wrote, I was like, you're pathetic little rat, Rob. That I wrote, don't tell the oldies. I do love the countryside by the way.
Starting point is 00:08:47 I just needed material. Oh, I was like, you needy little rat, you pathetic little rat. And then they're good as gold, they're really nice. He went, you're just saying that. Although we were the youngest until you moved in. And they're like 50. I went, yeah, sorry to steal your title. They went, yeah, you beat us by about 30 years. Oh, when you're sorry to steal your title. They went, yeah, you beat us by about 30 years.
Starting point is 00:09:08 Oh, there you go. Yeah, they're fine. But you know, you're just like, Oh, but yeah, honestly, though, I was I'm, you know, me, I'm very relaxed performer. I don't let it get to me too much. I've done a lot of work on that. But I was absolute bumhole flapping nervous before that gig at Royal Aberdeen Hall. I was shitting it and I was like, I've not, I literally felt like I was doing open mic again. But you've got to have that because otherwise the other option is you just do the same old material, you know inside out and it gets boring. But when you work, you've got to push yourself to the right
Starting point is 00:09:39 material. It's that feeling that stops you from doing the new, better stuff and progressing because you're scared it will go wrong. But without, you have to keep moving and evolving, or you become that bloke who just has the same 20 minutes for the rest of his life. And do you know who has moved and evolved throughout their career, Rob? COVID-19. COVID-19. Always challenging. I was going to say Simon Mayo.
Starting point is 00:10:08 So Simon Mayo, radio legend, TV legend, national treasure. Is he an OBE? Probably. Probably something like that. It was great. I love the fact as well that you waited an acceptable amount of time until you spoke to him about the Teen Choice Awards. Was that it?
Starting point is 00:10:24 Smash Hits Awards within the first 10 minutes. The Smash Hits Awards, that's not in the first 10 minutes there. He wants to talk about his sort of wildly successful and respected film podcast, but you're like, what was it like doing the Smash Hits? Yeah. So listen out, see if it made the edit. Here's Simon Mayo. Mayo! Welcome to the show, Simon Mayo. Very excited about this, especially as it's a parenting podcast and you said we're gonna have to be a bit quieter because one of them's asleep
Starting point is 00:10:52 in the other room. Yeah, through the wall behind me. Right. How old? 24. But he was on his elder brother's stag weekend in Copenhagen. So that's the mitigating circumstance. And were you invited on the stag weekend? No, thank you, Ciaran, for that.
Starting point is 00:11:14 Really? What is this thing about parents going on their kids' stag and hen weekends? It makes no sense. The whole point is that you're not there. What is that all about? I genuinely don't understand. No, I think it's a nice thing to go. I mean, I don't I always feel for the dad that stood there. They're awkward. Everyone's awkward around them. I don't like it as a guy with Simon on this.
Starting point is 00:11:34 It depends how was it a crazy. How many kids have you got, Simon? So you've got two, three, three. And what ages are they? 30. 33. 30, 30 and 25. 30, 30 and 25?
Starting point is 00:12:03 Yeah. So the twins? No, no, no, no. So the other one was born in 91, then 93 and then 1999. So sort of semi grown up and then were they all on the stag do together? No, daughter wasn't. No, daughter's got the hen do in a couple of weeks time, I think. And equally, I'm not invited to that one. Is mom invited to the hen do in a couple of weeks time, I think. And equally, I'm not invited to that one. Is mum invited to the hen do? I don't think she was. No, again, the whole point is that you're all of the same generation.
Starting point is 00:12:34 You don't want the old people because you cramped the style. You just definitely would, you know, so. My parents were more trouble than my mates at the stag do. I'd say my dad was the one lowering the tone as opposed to feeling awkward because it was too laddy. Yeah, no, I mean, I would think I would have spent the whole time thinking I really shouldn't be here and I'd go outside and read a book or something like that. Can I tell you what my dad did at my stag do?
Starting point is 00:12:58 Oh no, oh no. We played a game, it's a bit laddy, I'm from South East London, called Flip Cup Dicks Out. Okay guys, I'll lower the tone early doors. Where you have to flip the cup and the team to lose had to strip naked and go down the slide in the villa, it was in a public pool, naked into the pool. So our team won, so the other team had to do it as a bit of a dare. My dad was on the winning team, he still got his dick out and went down the slide. Oh no, oh no. I mean, what a desperately terrible thing tradition is. So there was none of that apparently. No, it was a bit more sensible. And so they're feeling the effect. So do your kids still live at home? Some of them? Just child three
Starting point is 00:13:41 behind that wall. Yeah, behind that wall. And how is that? Because I worry about my children leaving. I said this to David Baddiel actually, and he said, don't worry, your children these days don't leave because it's so difficult for them to get houses basically. Yeah, particularly if you live in London, well, the chances of being able to get on any kind of rental or property ladder, you know, absolutely zero. So yeah, so they've all gone. And then there was a period, they've all gone. Then there was a period when they all came back. Covid, we had the house full. We had all three kids, plus my
Starting point is 00:14:12 eldest with his now wife and their dog. We were absolutely busting at the seams. On the one hand, that was great. On the other hand, obviously, it was terrible. I sat at this desk doing my morning show on Scala, looking out on the road, broadcasting for three hours a day, talking to the listeners and just thinking, on the one hand, a lot of our listeners were having a great time. And on the other, a lot of them were having like the worst time ever. Was there a nostalgia to it? Taking kind of obviously the horrors of Covid out of it. Was there a kind of lovely
Starting point is 00:14:46 element to having the family back under one roof? I mean, on the one hand, it was fantastic. And, you know, you would have conversations and the house was just about big enough to cope. I've got an office in the garden where I could go and shut the door and write if I wanted to. And what's it like when you've got grown up kids? Like, because obviously in the days, most of my conversation with my parents now almost texts. Do you know what I mean? We've got a WhatsApp group.
Starting point is 00:15:10 That's kind of flying, because they're in deaf and obviously, some are not obviously, but that's a weird obviously. That's where they all go. Yeah, that's where all parents are. At 65. They have better cider there than Somerset, don't they?
Starting point is 00:15:21 They do have better cider there than Somerset. Yeah, it's a better place than Somerset. Let's not turn this into a political rally for you, Josh, OK? All cider's good cider. All cider's good cider, except on a stag, don't you? Don't say that's palpably not true. Cider is a terrible drink, in my opinion. Do you think?
Starting point is 00:15:37 It smells of the first party that you enter in. Yeah, there is that element, isn't there? Because it's an introductory alcohol, isn't it? I think. Entry drug is what it is yeah. I feel like as you get older it becomes the thing that when you're getting groggy from beer, the sugar in it really sort of sets you up for the afternoon. Is that right? For the afternoon? Okay right. I mean I imagine in Copenhagen day two of the SPAG, you need a bit of sugar rather than just beer,
Starting point is 00:16:00 so like I'm sure that the cider comes into its own. That is where a Mars bar comes into it. All these ridiculous anti Mars bar attitudes, which you guys have. It's easier to have a Mars bar than it is to have a pint of cider in general. Not if you're at the bar in Weatherspoons. Can you do a whole Mars bar, Simon? Yeah. Can you? Yeah, it's a generational thing, I think.
Starting point is 00:16:24 Is that your chocolate bar of choice? The Mars bar? No, Twix. I had arguments with Richard Osmond about this because he's very dismissive of Twix, which feels wrong because there's a chemical into it. I don't know what the chemical is, but it smells like gas of some kind. But when you eat it, it's quite addictive. So, I would always go Twix. And the worst thing, of course, is like the extra-sized Twix. It's like two foot long. Yeah. Because if you're hungry and you're driving, then that's obviously the snack of choice.
Starting point is 00:16:50 Yeah. And how often are you having a Twix? Well, not. It used to be, you know, like one or two a week, I would say. Yeah. And is it going up or down? Well, actually, now I'm feeling quite hungry about it because I don't know if I haven't had one this year.
Starting point is 00:17:08 Wow. No tricks in 2024. No, I don't think so. The most indulgent thing I did have a whole tube of Smarties in one mouthful. Have you tried that? No. Again, better than cider. If you need a sugar go ahead.
Starting point is 00:17:21 And you're driving, for example, you're thinking, okay, I'm feeling quite tired. A whole tube of Smarties in one mouthful really wakes you up. Yeah, I bet. So were you chewing them or they just sit in there and you're soaking up all the sort of stuff off the coating and that, or are you chewing it down? A bit of both, really. A bit of both.
Starting point is 00:17:39 So you have to, you need some mouthfeel in there. So you need to leave it there for a while. They're gone after a minute, I would say. Oh, wow. I'm going to try. Can I ask one more question on the technique? Are you going smarties to hand to mouth or just straight in? Oh straight in. Come on. Straight in from the tube. Yeah that's the point of the tube isn't it? You just flip the top down it goes. And so much safer than driving drinking cider. Yeah, absolutely. Of course, of course. And so how do you stay in touch with your grown up children?
Starting point is 00:18:13 Like, yeah, we have a family WhatsApp group. So we have a WhatsApp group with all of us. And then there's a WhatsApp group with each child individually. So if you just want to communicate with one of them, then you can do that. Yeah, so it's like a revolution. When I was at uni, I rang my parents once a week from the phone box at the end of the corridor. And then, you know, you'd run out of 10Ps and you go, okay, fine. Talk to you next week. We're in touch the whole time, you know, and it's a good thing. I think the WhatsApp group, particularly if you've got family who live abroad, is fantastic. And a
Starting point is 00:18:40 WhatsApp call for free, because I'm a granddad now, so I get to watch little Oscar playing with Lego and stuff, which is fantastic. Yeah, the clips. Do you think though, because it's so easy now to message your mum and dad, like if you are an adult, that like, well, before you'd have to sort of problem solve yourself or go, how does this work? You'd sort of like work it out or have to ask other people, but it feels like any little problems like dad, mum, did you find that or are they quite self-sufficient? No, it varies from child to child. But in general, because the communication is so easy, yeah, you get a message saying, what did you say last week about cabbage? So it's that
Starting point is 00:19:19 kind of casual conversation, the kind of useless information that WhatsApp is there for, but it's those kind of tiny, the minutiae of the conversation, which it enables, which I think is most of the time very useful, I would say. Yeah. I'd say that's the thing that connects you the most, right? You don't want to be constantly talking to your parents about deep stuff. I want to be talking to my parents about cabbage. Which luckily my parents want to talk to me about.
Starting point is 00:19:43 I don't. I really don't. I don't give a shit what my mum thinks of cabbage. Which luckily my parents want to talk to me about. I don't. I really don't. I don't give a shit what my mum thinks of cabbage. She can die before I know that. What's your mum's favourite chocolate bar, Rob? That's the big question. Oh, do you know what? She reckons she don't like sweet stuff or cake or chocolate, but she'll fucking nail a flake. Yeah, I like a flake. Too messy for me. Now, can I ask you, because you've got a very well
Starting point is 00:20:03 respected podcast with Mark Kermode, Kermode and Mayo's take about films and you're sort of like the go-to guys in British culture to get the view on a film. However, your children must think, shut the fuck up, dad, what do you know? Or do they listen to you? Do they respect you guys' opinion when they listen to your podcast or do they ignore it because you're dad, not the film guy? The thing is, I often don't give my views on a film because that's what Mark's there for. I'm the host, he's the contributor. He's the one that will slay the film or will rave about the film. Occasionally, if I really like it or really hate it, my opinion comes into it. In general, I'm the guy who reads out the emails and does the interview. We just did Denis Villeneuve and Hans Zimmer for Dune 2. My eldest in Copenhagen
Starting point is 00:20:47 loves the Dune books. He was genuinely interested to know what Hans Zimmer and Denis Villeneuve were like and what we talked about, and Denis Villeneuve's shoe choice and those kinds of things. They're interested in that. They there are times when the worlds kind of intersect. But are they interested in my opinion on a film? No more than anyone else is. But they're interested in what Mark has to say and what a particular interviewee was like. Right. That kind of stuff. And have you introduced them to people? Like, obviously through your career from being on, I suppose Radio 1 might have been slightly too early to get your kids into stuff, but like you've met lots of exciting people and you've been to lots of exciting places.
Starting point is 00:21:29 Have you been able to introduce them to people and take them to things? I mean, you're right, most of the Radio 1 stuff was too early, but you know, Five Live and Radio 2 and Now at Greatest Hits, there is sometimes an overlap. So for example, I'm just thinking, first time I interviewed Tom Hanks was for Apollo 13 and my eldest was like three or something. I got Tom to, I call him Tom, Mr. Hanks. He signed this Apollo 13 poster to Ben, go flight, exclamation mark, Tom Hanks. That poster is now framed and is on the front wall in Copenhagen. I took a photograph of that. The last time I interviewed Tom Hanks, which was last year, I showed him a photograph. I said, you did this for my son. It's now on his front wall in Copenhagen. And I said what he did,
Starting point is 00:22:12 and all that. And Tom is fantastic. So there's an element of that. I wouldn't want to give the impression that I have some kind of showbiz lifestyle. Will Barron You are calling Tom Hanks Tom, which is quite exciting, which was sort of letting bubble along. But I'm still quite intrigued by that. If you see Tom Hanks at our hotel in America, just he's on holiday, you're on holiday. Is it an immediate Hank dog? What's going on? Or is it, oh, we interviewed, what's the relationship like? Great question. I would kind of leave him alone.
Starting point is 00:22:39 But if I said hello and said who I was, he would go, oh yeah, yeah. Because I think I've done it enough times now for him to remember. My surname is an odd surname. So I think he, I mean, last time it seemed as though he remembered, even though obviously he does thousands of interviews, he's the greatest of all time. You know, he makes each interview feel as though yours is the only interview that he's going to do. And so this is really special.
Starting point is 00:23:05 So I would go, I would say hello, I suppose, but that would be very annoying. So only after a couple of beers. But he's the guy who played Mr. Rogers in that fantastic film. So he genuinely seems to be as nice as he comes over. But I was on front row on Radio 4 and Christopher Eccleston was on. And he again is fantastically sociable. And I explained to him that my youngest, through that wall, still asleep, lazy bastard. I was at the Brits, I'm here fucking grafting. He went Copenhagen.
Starting point is 00:23:34 There's a theme here because we were recording like lunchtime or something. And I said, he said, where's your son now? I said, he's home asleep. He said, should we wake him up? I said, he's home asleep. He said, shall we wake him up? So I said, yeah, okay. So I rang his mobile and he kind of groggily answered. And then I said, I've got someone for you. So Chris Rexton came on and said, it's Dr. Who, what are you doing in bed?
Starting point is 00:23:59 So occasionally you get sort of little moments. And also he came in to watch, this is Sleepy Child. He came in Radio 2 and Neil Gaiman had come on the show and he's a big Neil Gaiman fan. And Neil was really nice. And then ended up their conversation with, stay in touch, but without any means of getting in touch. And then there was another time, someone I won't mention, who's another writer for television, who was so rude that I've never watched anything this person has done ever again. What kind of person is rude to a child who's just excited to meet you? Do you know what? I think having a little under-surface personal feud, that you don't
Starting point is 00:24:39 have to make public, but you just, when you're at home, they pop on the telly and you go, I fucking hate you. I think it's good. It's good to have a channel to go, you are scum. And I don't have to bang on about it, but I know, they know, when you lock eyes, you know in deep in your soul that they're rotten. Do you think anyone's got that about you, Rob? Probably. And do you know what? Good luck to them. They need an outlet.
Starting point is 00:25:00 Yeah. Everyone needs one. But you don't forget those, do you? You know, when someone is unnecessarily unpleasant, particularly if they're unpleasant to your kids, which is like the most. Yeah, that must be awful. You said that, that obviously Radio 1 was slightly before you had kids. My first...
Starting point is 00:25:17 It came inside a bit in terms of introducing them to megastar. My first real strong memories of Simon Mayo are as host of the Smash Hits poll winners party. Oh, wow. Yes. And that must have been full of kids and you haven't got kids or you've got very young kids at that point. What was that like in terms of you're just in charge of a room for what was it? Where was it? I don't know where it was, but... It was Earl's Court. It was always Earl's Court in the 90s.
Starting point is 00:25:45 Yeah. So it was 1993 or 1994. And I remember it for three things. One was the level of yelling and shouting from the crowd was so loud. So obviously it's television. So I had talk back and it's live television. I couldn't hear a thing. Like the Beatles in Shea Stadium.
Starting point is 00:26:03 It was exactly like the Beatles in Shea Stadium. So I couldn't hear myself. I couldn't hear a thing. Like the Beatles in Shea Stadium. It's exactly like the Beatles in Shea Stadium. So I couldn't hear myself. I couldn't hear the cue. I couldn't hear anything. So the second thing is that Take That Won Everything. Yeah, rightly so. That's one of the reasons why the noise was so great because it's like peak Take That. And the third thing I remember is that, I mean, this is still on YouTube, the green kind of lumberjack shirt I was wearing for that gig is now worn by my son in Copenhagen. So 90s fashion.
Starting point is 00:26:30 Wow. A Simon Mayo museum in Copenhagen. That's right. But no one has mentioned the Smashers poll in his party. The doorbell goes, Mayo! Yeah. That still is in my head. They're opening to your radio show, that Mayo. Occasionally we'll just be walking along the street and shout that out loud.
Starting point is 00:26:49 Yes, that does happen. And in fact, it was Steve Wright who did that the first time. This is when I was at Radio 1. He just started singing it down the corridor. And then we turned into a jingle and it was Steve and his kind of afternoon boys and girls, as it was at the time. Oh, it's amazing. Who sang that jingle. So the first radio one Mayo jingle was Steve Wright and his team.
Starting point is 00:27:09 Oh, I loved Steve Wright. We loved Steve Wright. Genius. Yeah. And so that smash hits pole was part of all the kids, but then obviously you have your own kids. And what was that like kind of adapting to, because that was like in the 90s you were doing radio and stuff like that. Was it an exhausting time to have small kids? Yeah, I listened to Sean Keevney talking about getting up at breakfast and having family. The key thing is first point to say
Starting point is 00:27:37 to Sean is starting a show at seven o'clock is not a breakfast show. That's like a minute. Thank you, Simon. I thought that. Fucking window. I've got to leave the house at half six when I leave earlier and I'm doing fucking comedy six o'clock is when you start a breakfast show that's just the point so don't come respect tiring and all that kind of stuff you still leaving the house at half past six so you should be on air at least for half an hour by then and also classic FM doesn't count either because you can put on 20 minutes songs.
Starting point is 00:28:06 Bullshit. Absolute bullshit. Alexander Armstrong, I'm sure, is listening and nodding. You know he starts and ends with a London. He's only in for the hour in the middle. Well, that's fair enough. You know, put on the 1812 overtune, you've got 20 minutes. Disruption of family. I mean, I think, yes, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:28:23 And when I stopped, first of all, my wife is a trupper, and obviously she I mean, I think, yes, absolutely. When I stopped, first of all, my wife is a trooper and obviously she picks up when I'm not there, which was most of the night and the morning. She took the strain on that. But when I stopped in breakfast in 93, I'd sort of gone through most of the breakfast period without being properly ill and within a week. This is just when our daughter was born, she's 93, so we had two kids, one of which was a baby, and then I got gastric flu and pneumonia together, as soon as I stopped. So, I'm answering your question about exhaustion. So, I think, yes, I just sort of carried on through. It's like when you go on holiday and you suddenly get ill,
Starting point is 00:29:00 because you just keep going, keep going, keep going, and then it goes all saggy and you get ill. So, I think I was just keeping it all at bay. And then I think that's still the sickest I've ever been, actually. How ill were you? Were you in hospital and stuff? No, I was hallucinating. Oh, wow. And we got two GP call-outs in the middle of the night. So, you know, that doesn't happen.
Starting point is 00:29:18 Yeah. I wasn't hospitalized, but that was bad. But they bring so many illnesses home to kids. It's like not only are you tired, but when they're at nursery or starting school, you're basically from the age of like two to about ten, you're just ill every all winter until they're like a bit older. It's ridiculous. And nits, that's the other thing. We've not had nits. Oh, I think I've got them again. You've got them as well.
Starting point is 00:29:41 Well, a text went around the class group on Thursday. I know it's psychosomatic, but I've been itching since the text went into the class group. And I'm gonna have to do the nitcure, aren't I, basically, on myself. What's the nitcure? Wash it with something. Wash it with a certain thing. I thought it was the nicome. No, it's a wash and a comb. It's one treatment, it's fine.
Starting point is 00:30:00 You can't do it yourself though, can you? You need someone to go through like a monkey, sort of separating each hair individually while you've got this grease on. Yeah, I know I remember that. We haven't done it for a while, but that's, that's the thing. You certainly get every gene going and knit. Go in there and check, wake him up. You're a 24 year old, go and check in, see what he's been up to in Copenhagen.
Starting point is 00:30:18 See if he's got any nits. Well, I'm not worried about that. Also, he has too much hair to go through, but that's one of the things that they come back with and you do dread that note from the teacher saying yeah by the way there are nits in the class great thanks very much oh god do you and mark who i'd say the classic duo of podcasting the first kind of royalty of podcasting do you compare parenting tips do you ever go oh i tell you what i do in this situation, or Mark Kermode's like, well, you've got to come down harder on the lions here, Simon.
Starting point is 00:30:50 Do we compare? I mean, I suppose when things, you know, there are particularly stressful things that happen that you go, oh yeah, you know, that happened. We've done that. This is how we dealt with it. Or I suppose there are those inevitable conversations. And we talk about family on the, on the film podcast, but always as sort of child, one child, two child, three, just because I didn't think it helps particularly, you know, if they have to live their lives on a new for their own. Yeah, we don't name them either. Yeah. If we go, I go my boy and my girl. And what do you go, Rob? Just older and younger content provider, one content provider. No, we don't give their names out. Also, I
Starting point is 00:31:28 think actually giving their age is actually more helpful when telling a story than their name. So if you go about eight year old did this, it gives the audience a slight understanding of why they'd be doing that. Whatever the story is, if they're eight or 18, it does make a difference, doesn't it? But yeah, also as well, it's become too lucrative to change now. So I'm just sort of earning enough that I can provide them with therapy if this podcast does damage them. That's the plan. It's somehow instinctive, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:31:52 If you think, I don't think I should say that. So this podcast is an exercise in tightrope walking, isn't it really? Absolutely. Yeah. Especially with some of Josh's views that he's brought from Devon. Yes. What's Mark Hermode like as a parent? He's never been a parent to me, but I would imagine him and the good lady Professor Herr indoors to give her the name that Mark uses are fantastic parents and they've got fantastic
Starting point is 00:32:20 kids who do very well, you know, but we're all kind of out the other side. You know, There's the screaming toddlers and then there's primary school and then there's the teens. And I'm very grateful the fact that the whole social media stuff, we just missed actually with Child 3. I think life would have been a lot more difficult if it had been full on when he was at secondary school. But now that they're adults, the whole thing becomes a lot easier. I wrote three books for kids and I made a point so that the character in the book was 14 years old. I made a point of not wanting it to be like Child 3, who was 10 at the time. I'd written it for him, but I
Starting point is 00:33:00 didn't want anyone at his school to think you've written about your kids. So I made them as different as possible. But you're always aware that if someone at school has read the book, they might think that you're writing about your kids. And I'd read something about the A.A. Milne books and A.A. Milne's son, who was Christopher Robin, it really kind of screwed life around, you know? Mason- Yeah, it really did. Jason- Oh no, what happened?
Starting point is 00:33:23 Mason- Everyone just thought of him as Christopher Robin and... Oh, God. Is his name Christopher Robin as well? It was, wasn't it? Christopher Robin. It's your first mistake. Christopher Robin Milne, you know. So they... There is the giveaway.
Starting point is 00:33:36 I'm regretting calling my daughter parent in hell now. It's like the other one with that is the baby from the cover of Nevermind who tried to sue and he's really kind of defined their life in a way where you just go, God, you don't think about it. We need to stop the podcast, Rob. Yeah. And there was that kid who was on the front of U2's War album who had a very... Oh, yeah, yeah. I think that's OK, because he turned up on a later album as well. But no, in general, I think the key thing is don't have a naked child on your yeah. I think that's okay, because he turned up on a later album as well. But no, in general, I think the key thing is don't have a naked child on your album.
Starting point is 00:34:08 I think that's my advice. Yes. Yeah. I don't have naked children anywhere. My next tour poster was a big mistake. Yeah. I need to ask you this, because it's been playing in my mind since the Tom Hanks.
Starting point is 00:34:21 I'm sure you've got to stock answer this, but I need to ask. Tom Hanks is obviously a lovely person. Who is the most difficult person you've interviewed? I know that's off topic, but I needed to get it out there because you've interviewed more or less everyone from Hollywood, male and female to take, which as we've discussed is the go to place for films obviously has huge stars on it. And that's your own one. That's not a BBC one anymore, is it? That's your own independent podcast, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Less Adverts, Better Pay kind own one. That's not BBC one anymore. Is it? That's your own independent podcast, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:34:45 Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Less adverts, better pay kind of podcast. That's the one. Difficult interview. I mean, in general, everyone is okay now because they know that you get your 15 minute slot. And if you misbehave, you get not, you don't get the next one, you know, so in general, but then there is always Steven Seagal. But then there is always Steven Seagal, who was just such an arse. It was a live interview, so there's obviously not much you can do with that. So this is a live interview.
Starting point is 00:35:16 And he had an album out of Country and Western Songs, or something, I think that's what it was. The album was terrible. The interview was terrible. He misbehaved. Was he in the room or was it down the line? It was down the line. The worst interview face to face was Frank Sinatra Jr., who clearly is Frank Sinatra's son.
Starting point is 00:35:34 And normally kids, you don't talk to kids about their famous parents, but he was touring with the Frank Sinatra Orchestra doing Frank Sinatra songs. So therefore, I was playing a game. So I had a live interview on Radio U2 and I said, it was terrible, you didn't want to be there. So I said, we're going to play some classic Frank Sinatra now, which of these songs would you like us to play? And he said, I don't know. I said, well, here's the list named six of the videos. He says, I don't know. I said, Well, what goes down well when you're playing them live? I can't remember. So you think, okay, I should have finished the interview there and then,
Starting point is 00:36:10 but I always think you're one question away from getting there. That attitude came about from a Richard Gere interview and he was being really difficult and really he's notorious for being quite a difficult interview. And We were getting absolutely nowhere. The only thing I could think of to say was, can I just say before we go any further, Richard, that you ruined my life? He snapped out of whatever awkward trance he was on. He said, what do you mean I ruined your life? I said, well, my name is Simon Mayo.
Starting point is 00:36:42 When you were in that movie, An Officer and a Gentleman, you played a character called Zachary Mayo. And if you remember, there's a Sergeant Major who makes his life misery by calling him Mayonnaise. And it's like a thing that runs through the movie. And so because of the film, I got called Mayonnaise when I was, which is not a bad nickname to have, but you know. Yeah. Hellman's is worse. Yeah. Yeah. There's an element. But because I'd asked that question, the rest of the interview was fine because he was awake and interested and and we were doing something different.
Starting point is 00:37:12 So I have that at the back of my mind. And I'm interviewing Frank Sinatra Junior or Steven Seagal. But some interviews are just irredeemable. And it was just catastrophic. And you just know it's fine. I should just have stopped. Because I get if you're being prickly, if he's got his own album and you keep playing Frank Sinatra songs, but if he's touring with the Frank Sinatra band singing these
Starting point is 00:37:31 dad songs, it's a totally normal question. But I do feel sorry for those actors out there just on the cell all the time, all around the world. You must get bored of answering questions about June or whatever it is. Yeah. So I was trying to think that think that maybe there's something else that you can get. So if you have 15 minutes, there's 10 minutes, which is going to be pretty much the same as everyone else is asking. But then what are you going to do with the other five minutes? And if an interview is kind of sparky, then that's where you can do so. The Denis Villeneuve and Hans Zimmer thing was fantastic because they both read June when they were 14. Obviously
Starting point is 00:38:03 Denis read it in Canada and Hans read it in Germany. They had so many exciting things to talk about, how they bonded over this particular story. It was great. Therefore, the interview had a certain energy. But in general, you're relying on them being good enough at what they do because they're selling. There's a world of difference between an actor who's selling a film that they don't really get. Like Ray Fiennes talking about playing Voldemort, for example. I asked him how The Elder Wand worked and he had absolutely no idea. But then you get Ray Fiennes six months later talking about his own project, a movie about Charles Dickens, which is his and he's directed. He's like a different man altogether. You think, oh right, where's the Ray Fiennes who didn't care about the Elder Wand, you know,
Starting point is 00:38:45 it's the same guy. But in general, they know how to promote their stuff, you know, and they're quite happy to do it because it's part of the game. Have you ever had to resort to asking how many twixes they've had in 2024? No, I did offer a vocal zone to Sandra Bullock, though. Yeah, I think that's good. Did she take it? Well, she was coughing and spluttering and I said, I've got one of these things which are fantastic.
Starting point is 00:39:13 So she took my vocal zone and went through the interview. Hard to do that on Zoom. No, it's hard to do that on Zoom. That is absolutely right. But a vocal zone is something that is far more useful than Smarties. Open up, Sandra. Just'm just pouring a bit. Now leave them in your mouth for a bit. And then chew. And then we'll talk about Speed 3.
Starting point is 00:39:35 With your son, who's 24, living in your house, is there still a parent-son relationship? Do you find yourself slipping into those roles? Or is it like almost having a flatmate because he's a grown adult? You never stop the parent-child thing. You know, so like after uni, it's a different relationship but you do have to say, look, the reason I'm asking are you in tonight is because I just need to know whether I'm locking up. I'm not trying to find out what you're doing, you know, and if I want to know if you do you need a meal, it's not a controlling thing or that could sound like it's a controlling thing. It's just like trying to find out what you're doing. You know, and if I want to know if you do you need a meal, it's not a controlling
Starting point is 00:40:05 thing, or that could sound like it's controlling. It's just like trying to work out how the house runs. Do you want this? Do you want that? You know, I think it just takes a while to settle into a new relationship because it, you know, it just changes, but you never stop thinking, why are you wearing that shirt? You never ever stop there.
Starting point is 00:40:23 You just learn that maybe it's unwise to say it. So like now, so what time of the day, it's quarter to 11, will you put your head in the door and go fucking liven up, mate? Get out of bed. What are we doing today? What's going on? I'll get Doctor Who to do that, obviously. Or do you not do that at all now and let him get on with it?
Starting point is 00:40:40 Or is there still that bit of like, dad in you? I guess I'd only do that if he was the only one in the house. You know, I always think it's good to know if you're the only one in the house. So I'd wake him up and say, by the way, you're on your own here. But in general, I'd let him sleep
Starting point is 00:40:54 because he does strange hours. He's nocturnal basically. Okay, shift work. Did being Simon Mayo, did the kids like the fact that you were presumably when they're at primary school and stuff, what would those be five live years and stuff like that? So you're interviewing Tony Blair, then you're doing the pick up and stuff. Did they like that as your career?
Starting point is 00:41:16 Or did they find it embarrassing that dad was interviewing Tony Blair? I guess they kind of, they grew up with it. So it was absolutely, it was just what your parents did. I remember interviewing Alice Cooper once. He was talking about how his kids used to think he was embarrassing. Same with Billy Idol. You must have been the coolest parent of all time. Billy Idol, he looks incredible still, but no, his kids thought he was embarrassing. I think you just grow up and get used to what's there. Occasionally you have conversations where you realize that you have become a
Starting point is 00:41:51 conversation topic at school. I hope that I didn't spoil it too much. My sleepy child runs a comedy night and my wife and I take it in turns to go along and sit at the back. And there's a kind of bit of audience participation and he was picking on me as you know, it's always you sort of pick on someone in the audience, but he was giving me a hard time, which is fine. And then at half time, one of the other comedians said, you can't do that. Do you realize who you're talking to? Oh, so he didn't let him know that you were his dad.
Starting point is 00:42:23 He just pretended you was audience. Yeah. He said to this other comedian, what's my surname? Oh, oh, I see. Sorry. I didn't realize. So I think we're fine. In general, it's been a positive. Have any of them gone into radio?
Starting point is 00:42:37 My daughter is in podcasting with the BBC. My oldest has got nothing to do with it. And Sleep's child, he works for QI and does comedy, but he likes making podcasts as well. So I came across a photograph of my father's father, who I never knew from like the 1930s, 1940s. And he's clearly performing in a garden. So it was like standing on flower pots and looking at those things. And thinking there's a show-off gene, there's a performing gene in the family, which for me is doing radio and for Sleepy Child it's doing other things. But there's clearly something that's running through the family somewhere, I suppose.
Starting point is 00:43:20 What's it like watching your child do stand up? Because I struggle when my parents are in to concentrate on anyone else being at the gig. I don't know whether you have this, Rob. I didn't want anyone I knew near me when I was gigging, but then now I don't give a shit who's there. But at the time I would be like mortified if my parents or anyone was there. Yeah, I think that's fair enough. I think it's far more difficult being the parent than being up on stage. You know, you're living absolutely every moment, but you're whooping and applauding and joining in. But you know, if he didn't want us to go, he'd tell us, I think.
Starting point is 00:43:54 It's like they say, it's more difficult being the football manager. They always say when the football manager, it's more stressful because you can't actively influence the game, whereas the player obviously can throw themselves into it. My dad was a headteacher and we used to go to the end of year performances, you know, like the kind of review. And my dad would always insist on being in it because he thought it was good for the headteacher to show he was up for a laugh.
Starting point is 00:44:19 But he was so bad at remembering his lines and all that. We would just, my mum used to just think, please just say no next year, just don't do it. You know, any parent has been to see their kid in a play. It's absolute hell. It's parenting hell in fact. Watching your kid in a production, just awful. Unless they're brilliant, of course. Yeah. How's it been a granddaddy? Do you feel like you're getting a sort of second go at it? You're busy, but you're not as busy as you probably were like when you're in the Radio 1 days with the mad hours. Do you feel like there's a bit more space to enjoy being granddad? Yeah, he's fantastic. I mean, he's a fantastic kid. And actually, he is the best looking kid
Starting point is 00:44:57 in Copenhagen. I don't know if... That's a tough market as well. Yeah, but I mean, he clearly is. I think obviously he's a long way away, so he's not around the corner. It's an hour flight, Simon, mate. We've got to put the effort in. You don't mean half the family. We're there at the weekend. Got to pop around and look after the kids. It's fantastic. It's like everyone says, it's fantastic and then you can hand them back. And then we get on a plane and come home. And we come home completely exhausted because clearly when you're in your 60s, you can't do the
Starting point is 00:45:26 stuff that you're doing when you're in your 40s. You are just exhausted by having a kid around for a couple of days. But it's a blessing and the WhatsApp thing is just amazing. You get to see when he walks for the first time. You get to hear him formulate words in Danish and in English and that's fantastic. It's those random conversations which you would have missed before WhatsApp was around. My phone is actually twice the weight that it was because it's just got photographs of Oscar on it. Are you printing them off and sticking them to the back?
Starting point is 00:45:57 No, but you know your phone is genuinely heavier once it's loaded with stuff. No. Leave it out, Mayo. You're winding me up. No, this is E equals MC squared. It's about the energy that goes into something. We did this on Homework Sucks, which is a feature I did on Radio 2. It's not possible to measure how much heavier it is, but the more energy that goes into a phone, the heavier it is. So that your phone, which is empty, is lighter than when you first buy it, is now heavier because you've got all those... That's incredible. This is a man that lives with a QI elf right there. That's exactly what you get from that. Are you excited about your grandchild growing up in
Starting point is 00:46:35 a Scandinavian education system? Yeah. It's very different to over here, but like a lot of people talk about how great it is, how kind of more... They don't read till seven, do they? They're much more into outdoor play. There's a much over here, but like a lot of people talk about how great it is, how kind of more they don't read till seven do they? They're much more into outdoor play. There's a much more kind of progressive approach to it. That's quite an exciting thing, I'd imagine. Yes.
Starting point is 00:46:53 And there's a journalist who writes called Helen Russell, who, Yeah, we've had her on here. She's great. So how to raise a Viking is a fantastic read and all about being a Brit, but living abroad. And I think, I mean, she may well well be aligned that she is with you, but she realised that she was googling what kind of crossbow is acceptable for a two-year-old when she realised that she could become a Viking. It's fantastic. Just learning about other cultures is great. But the Scandi culture
Starting point is 00:47:21 is something that I think a lot of us admire. I would rather live there than Chicago or a whole host of other places. There just seems to be something about Copenhagen and Denmark. It's just going to sound like a terrible cliche, but it feels like a country that's at ease with itself. It knows what it's doing. It knows what it can do. You're right, the education system and the health system, which you have to pay for. There's the surprise. They don't do everything right. Helen Russell was talking about they're on screens a lot more than British kids are. But yes, they're more outdoorsy. Yes, they have a more
Starting point is 00:48:00 relaxed attitude. But they're actually, it seems to be, everyone catches up in the end. Your kid might not be reading at six, but hey, guess what? By the time they're 10, everyone's fine. If they wanted to come and live over here, that would be great. But if they stay in Denmark, that seems pretty a great place to grow up. It's been lovely speaking to you, Simon. Thank you for talking to us. I'm going to have a Twix at some point because I've written them off for the last decade and a half of my life. Yeah. You need to go back and maybe with the smartest chaser. How about that? Yes. Oh, I'll be absolutely buzzing. I'll do that for my next gig.
Starting point is 00:48:34 Have you ever bitten the end off both ends of the Twix and sucked up tea or coffee through like a chocolate straw? I like with the Tim Tam. Have you ever done that? I think that sounds immoral. It'll knock your fucking socks off. I don't think it's physically possible. And if it was, he's probably banned in the Old Testament. Fair enough, yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:52 We do a normal final question. I want to ask a penultimate final question, which is, since leaving Five Live, do you miss handing over to John and Ellis? No, not really. Perfect, that's all I wanted. Sorry, the Welsh guy and the English guy, the likes Queen with dark hair. Don't know if you remember.
Starting point is 00:49:12 They were good fun and they loved our show and they're good guys. But a chatty hand over wasn't encouraged. Thank you. We always end with the same question, which is if your wife's listening, if there's one thing that she does as a parent that just blows you away, you can never do it yourself, you just go, that is just incredible. And another thing, maybe a small annoyance that you don't mention, but were she to listen to this, that would be a good way to communicate it to her.
Starting point is 00:49:42 Oh my goodness me. So something that she does well and something that she does badly. Or this doesn't do badly that annoys you maybe. Everyone's allowed an opinion aren't they? No. Where did you get that idea from? It's the reason you left the BBC, everyone's allowed an opinion isn't it? Well she's endlessly patient and creative and is always making things, you know, little things and creative things and drawing things.
Starting point is 00:50:11 So you know, it's something that is annoying. It's like, if I could think of something, why would I tell you? That's what I can't quite understand. It's just great. It's just great radio, great podcasting, great content. You know what I mean? Or we could end with what's the taste on Chopped Mars? No, no, no, don't give him an out.
Starting point is 00:50:31 He's got one. He's just trying to find the courage to say it. Have you watched Mr and Mrs Smith? Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. There's a TV series which, so the movie stank, but there is a TV series called Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which is I think is on Amazon. And it's fantastic. And the feel is completely different to the movies. I do recommend it. And in the final episode, when Mr. Smith is, they're both trying to kill each other. He opens the front door and he looks through the hall and he notices that the toilet
Starting point is 00:51:04 seat is up. And that's the thing that makes him realize that there's something wrong. Whether the toilet seat is up or toilet seat is down becomes incredibly important. And I remember that for reasons that are still lost to me when we got married, the issue was, why don't you put the toilet seat down? I said, well, you can put the toilet seat down? I said, well, you can put the toilet seat down. Yeah, but it's respectful if you put the toilets. I said, well, do you leave it up afterwards? So you end up having this utterly pointless argument. The easiest thing is just to leave it down. It's fine. Pick your battles and all that kind of stuff. But it seemed to be, if you left it up, it kind of symptomized an attitude of, I don't care
Starting point is 00:51:45 about anything. Why are you leaving the toilet seat up? It's reckless, it's dangerous, and it shows you don't care. So I thought, okay, well, I'll just leave it down then. But really, what does it matter? I don't think it matters. Well, look, I think if toilet seat needs to be down, I think sometimes the actual lid doesn't go down, just the midsection.
Starting point is 00:52:04 Yeah. Does that need to go down fully? If you leave them both up, it doesn't go down, just the midsection. Yeah. Does that need to go down fully? If you leave them both up, it doesn't represent... No, both up's bad. Do you think? Both up is like, you're not supposed to have it both up, are you? But who says? Well, Simon's wife, obviously, and he's livid about it.
Starting point is 00:52:18 But if you do leave both up, it's not indicative of anything. It doesn't show anything, it doesn't reveal anything. It's just that you left them both up. Exactly. In which case, put them both down again. It's fine. How long. It doesn't show anything. It doesn't reveal anything. It's just that you both up. In which case, put them both down again. It's fine. How long does that take? Not long. It's easier just to do it than moan about it.
Starting point is 00:52:31 And so do you now do it as a matter of course? Yes, I just leave it, leave it down because because life is easier. You know, why make life difficult for yourself? So basically she's won, but you think she's wasted her time winning. That's a good way of putting it. I'm not going to be expressing that opinion. And most people give up before they get to the end of a podcast anyway. Could I ask one supplementary question on that? When you put it down each time, you know there's things in your life where if you do it every time you think the same thing, does a small element of resentment course through you every time you put the seat down?
Starting point is 00:53:09 No, because it now it makes me think how kind and caring I am. I've turned it into a positive thing. Yes, that's good. Aren't I a great guy? There you go. I'll pop that down. Simon, thank you so much. It's been an absolute joy. Thank you for inviting me on. It was very nice for you guys and I hope there was something in there that was... You are far more Tom Hanks than you are Steven Seagal. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:53:34 I will happily go with that on my grave. Thank you very much. Simon Mayo, Mayo and Como to Take is available to download on all podcast platforms. Anything else you want to promote as well? Drive Time, greatest hits radio. Thanks Simon. Cheers, thanks Simon. Simon Mayo.
Starting point is 00:53:49 Josh, I'll be honest with you. I think we got off to a bit of a sticky start. I think for a man that works with Mark Kermo to come on another podcast to immediately hear about my dad's dick on my stag do. Ha ha ha ha. I looked at the clock Rob and it said two minutes 15 and you were saying my dad's dick and I thought I don't know if Rob is aware of podcast royalty when he sees it.
Starting point is 00:54:13 Do you know what I don't see nothing but a face man. I'm just here chatting that's what happened and Joe I think we warmed Mayo up which is not what you want to be doing with food but absolutely loved Simon Mayo. Great guy. Really nice really good. I love Mark Hermode and Simon Mayo for Kermode want to be doing with food. I absolutely loved Simon Mayer, really nice, really good. I love Mark Kermode and Simon Mayer for Kermode Wants To Come On as well. See you on Tuesday. See you then.

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