Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP25: The Shout-out Special

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond... with Rob and Josh. TRIGGER WARNING: This episode features chart about the Easter bunny and Santa Claus. Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and of course tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello darlings this is Lisa Vanipam. Will you join me in France for a new reality show? Meet my hand-selected staff as they work, live and play at Chateau Roosevelt. Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests. And of course, they'll have to meet my standards and not everybody has what it takes. Vanderpump Villa has first-class luxury and world-class drama. I'll be there, will you? Vanderpump Villa premieres April 1st, streaming on Disney+.

Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with Delilah. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widicombe? Josh Widicombe. Very good. That's a really nice one. I just want to do Rob Beckett again, because it's really good. Yeah, it makes me feel good as well. Say it again, baby. Beckett. Rob Bebba. Rob Bebba. Rob Bebba.

Rob Bebba. Rob Bebba. That sounds like James A. Castell when he's doing a bit, introducing me on a charity gig. Yeah, Rob. Okay, everyone. Okay, everyone. Time now for Rob Bebba. Doing your detective stuff. Okay, everyone. Time now for our baby.

Doing your detective stuff. I get it. I get it. Bring me on, mate. I'm trying to sort the floods out in a country I've only just heard of as I arrived. You've heard of France, Rob. Are you a sexy and relatable pair? This is our daughter Delilah doing the intro.

She's nearly three, shares her birthday with Josh. Oh, we've been listening. It's not a great birthday. When is it? April 8th, but it's in terms of the people you know, when they do that little article in the paper, which is who's got their birthday today, I've got a really boring selection. Oh, God, so that must make your birthday so bad. No, but you know but you have to read the paper where you're mentioned because you're famous. I'm not mentioned Rob. Oh right, is that what? Who's mentioned? No, I don't know. Julian Lennon, that's weak isn't it? Julian who? John Lennon's son. Oh, and he's mentioned over you. No, he's not mentioned over, it's not about me, I'm just talking generally.

Famous people on that day and they talk about him but not you. Let's have a look at who is born. I think April's a nice time to have a birthday. It is good because it's just warming up. But you want to do barbecue or picnic. No, no, no. Beer garden with a jumper. I'm not doing anything this year.

Nothing. John Madden. That's quite exciting Is it? Yeah, calm me down a bit. I'm gonna I don't feel about to carry on the rest of the episode. I'm so excited When's your birthday Rob? Second of Jan. January 2nd. I've got on Wikipedia says November. It's a week. It's a week Rob Who is it? I have not heard of any of them. Who's Ty Diggs? Ty Diggs. Who's Trombone Shorty? That can't be wrong. They're talking about two strippers. Ty Diggs and Trombone Shorty. Trombone Shorty. Oh, he's a musician. He's my age. Born on the exact same day. Oh,

there you go. From New Orleans, me and Trombone Shorty. I see one Ty Diggs. T-A-Y-E. Diggs. T-A-Y-E. Diggs. American actor. Ty Diggs. 53. He's in Broadway. He's in Rent and Broadway. Oh, he was my mate, Idina Menzel for a bit. Oh, there you go. That could have been you. Elsa. Could have been you. Could have been me. I've actually met Edina Menzel when I did Cinderella. Did you? Yeah. Me and her sat in a carriage for eight hours filming a stunt where Camilla Cabello was supposed to be jumping out of it, but obviously she wasn't doing it. What, so Edina Menzel stepped in as the stunt woman? No, we had to sit there as she jumped out, the stunt woman. But the only people that I met that I was from the same area were, was the

stunt woman was just this girl from Bexley Leif was like, yeah, just chuck myself out of things. Like the only working class person on set. And then the other ones was when there's a big scene change, five massive geezers come in, just look off the movie. And I'll beck it as it can. It's the only people that were like me there. So did you have to make conversation with Idina Menzel and someone from Bexley Heath for eight hours? Were you talking about Bexley Heath with someone while Idina Menzel was not there?

The difficulty, I don't want to go inside the actor's studio, Josh, but the difficulty- I don't think there's any worry there. If there's, the problem with trying to have a chat with a stunt woman that's jumping out of a carriage is the conversation does always suddenly stop as she jumps. Yeah, yeah. So she, I would argue that me and Adina were chatting more

because every time the conversation got going, the woman jumped out. Cause we could chat about what we wanted because we had to look like we were just chatting. So that was, we just looked like we were chatting. And then when she jumped, we had to look shocked. And what do you talk? Did she know who you were? Uh, no. But that's because I can shoot the character consumes me. Of course. Oh, you know, so you like Daniel Day-Lewis. So you were in character

throughout. Yeah, so I was in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was playing a sort of disheveled old bloke. There's a bit of a lech. And it was, yeah. So... You've got, this is the thing though, some actors, like you still haven't got out of character. That's the thing. Part, with every, and I don't call it a part,

with every soul and spirit I embody, a little bit stays with me. Exactly. You know? My mummy is still Mike from fresh meat. I'm sure I was on screen for eight seconds, but that eight seconds was powerful. Yeah, of course. They call me the cameo king. I think it's good that they gave you a character name.

True. No one actually refers to me by name in the, I could just be P.E. guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spool signs guy. Yeah, yeah. Who they had to put up on blocks to look more intimidating, that guy. Anyway, that's about me. More about parenting. Josh.

Tell me about your parenting week. Right, so it's been a busy week, Josh. Lou was a course all week, so I was picking up some of the slack because she was working all week. So I was picking up some of the slack, because she was working all week. And the stress of, and I think we're very lucky being Lou because Lou's not had to go back to work. Yeah. And she sort of was just starting to go over, but two parents, and I'm starting to see where the mental load argument comes. Two parents having to leave the house at like 7am and do a school drop and then both go to sort of places of work is truly

horrifyingly stressful. I mean, I imagine if we would get into our groove, if she was doing it long term and stuff like that, but it's so much like there isn't someone just to take the hit if you're rushing out, you know what I mean? You're both like, well, I'm rushing out, you know what I mean? So, um, yeah, big up to the people that are doing that all the time. Cause it does cause friction in the couple. Well, it's difficult. Me and Rose had an argument yesterday morning. Go on. On the phone, where was she? Well, she is away today. Not only

she's not, you're joking. She is, yeah. Because she's finishing it this week. Yeah, of course. She's finishing the renovation this week. Yeah. So she was down there Thursday, Friday. Sure, come back for the weekend? Come back for the weekend. So she's going down. She comes back Friday, obviously. I've got a last, I've just, it's gone back to me being very, very busy, Rob,

in the last five days. Yeah, well, that's how I felt last week a little bit because it's obviously, we rely on Lou and Rose a lot more, but however, they've got their own lives, they've got their own careers and their own aspirations. So it needs to be balanced and shared. You just need to say those words less like you're listing them off. As if like that's expected of me. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Disclaimer at the end of a radio advert.

Teases and sees apply. Please get a small drink before greed to do anything. Yeah, go on. So you're busy at the moment. Are you busy day? Thursday was insane. Once again, gigging. And then Friday, I thought this is good. again gigging and then Friday I thought this is good. So this episode is recorded a week ago to when you're listening to it. Friday, Last Leg was quite an easy one. It was all in the bag. I thought I've got a few hours to myself for about 5pm. Then there was an announcement by the Palace. 5pm. Lovely. Then there was an announcement by the palace. Oh, the terrible news about Kate. Awful. Which I'd say made doing a live TV topical show. About the news. About the news. Quite stressful. I never thought I'd say this. We had Maisie Adam and Alex Brooker on. I never thought I'd say this. I said the words, could we talk a bit more about soccer aid?

The problem, my problem with soccer aid is they've asked me to play a few times that a lot of the people that take it seriously, like it's an actual game of football. And I just cannot have track back, track back screamed at me by a member of Westlife. I'm just like, mate, I'm nearly 40, I'm overweight, I don't care. I just want to get a free bit of kit and meet, you know, Clarence Seedorf. I don't care if we win or lose. It's a world 11. Roman Kemp's on their team for some reason. So you were busy doing that.

And then Saturday, Rose had a long term engagement at lunch. Pardon? Sorry, that sounds like some sort of PR spin for when she soon went to some sort of mine. No, she had lunch with a group of girls that they go for like months in. Yeah, yeah. Timing not ideal for me, but there you go. Because obviously you got the kids for the day. Well, I went to my friends house lovely. They all play together. That's good. Yeah. But then take the hit and then and the tidying up.

Do you want to know this is bad Rob? God. I much prefer oat milk to milk these days. Not of a moral reason. Obviously would have known. Yeah. Yeah. But I know my friends, they only have normal cow's milk. Okay. Do they live near you?

Yeah. In East London? Do all the neighbours not? But they're still on the udder. But they're cool and hipster. They don't know that. They know that they're uddering up. I took a small flask of my own oatmeal. But you know, you go like, you know, they're my friends and I go around there, but

he does have a small piece of Nazi memorabilia. He collects war medals and he just says it's part of history, but it just makes you feel uncomfortable. If you want it not to happen again, you've got to understand them. Yeah, that's what he says. But I don't know the people to stop milking cows, you've got to drink it to understand why they did in the first place. No, it's not because I want people to stop milking cows. They're not. I did go to a farm in Australia that was pretty

harrowing. But, um, That's only because you were with Adam Mills and Alex Brooker. You'd have been alright on your own. They shouldn't have milked them. It felt weird. Um, but, uh, yeah, I took my own oat milk in a small flask. Is that how that's pathetic?

It's pathetic. It's awful. It's awful. What did they say? I hope they ruined you for that. No, they, do you know what? But when you left, they did. They'd got oat milk in just for me.

Oh God, that's even worse. Isn't it? They thought about you. You could, what would happen if you had just cow's milk? I just don't enjoy it as much. You do have a problem with tea though. I think that the people that you know, people that we meet for like, pick the PR, Molly,

the PR, you know, the PR lady from Sky. Yeah. She said to me, Josh drinks a lot of tea, doesn't he? But in the way that someone might, if they've got a bit of a worry about a mutual friend of like, they drink a lot of beer, they're at the pub a lot, aren't they? Yeah, yeah. But I think when you stop drinking, you're looking for fun anywhere.

Oh, so because you stopped drinking alcohol now you're sort of slightly addicted to tea. Yeah. It's a better way to be than you just... I think you've got to slay each dragon at a time. Because if you turn up your little flask of oat milk, it's a bit odd, but the danger of drinking it, if you turn up with a four pack of beers, because it's a bit odd, but the danger of drinking it, if you turn up with a four pack of beers,

you're like, he's a laugh, isn't he? He's fun. But it's fun for everyone else, but not for you. I think, yes, I do, do I drink too much tea? I think I need it. You don't have coffee though, to be fair. We don't have coffee. How many teas a day?

How many teas a day? Six or seven. Oh, that is a lot, isn't it? What? It's a lot of tea, you know. You'll waste a lot of time. You keep moaning you're busy. You're spending half the time in the kitchen. I really want a hot water. Oh, we've done this before anyway. Anyway. Sunday morning, bit of an argument with Rose. Sunday morning, bit of an argument with Rose. A Saturday night I hosted a charity dinner. You've got to stop working! No. What charity dinner? What called? So it's for the Lilly Foundation, which I'm a patron of. Patron, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So every few years I host the charity

dinner. Fair enough. I'm a good guy. Yeah, it's an honor. But that's why I refuse to be a patron of charities. More unpaid work, leave it out, mate. Barely keep an eye on the paid stuff. Sunday, have a bit of an argument with Rose. What are you arguing about, babe? What's up? Well, it depends whether you're saying she just said I was in a bad mood. Right.

And she was right. whether you're saying she just said I was in a bad mood. Right. And she was right. Because I basically woke up and one of the first things I said is we use our phones too much around our children, which is true. That is, that is root one I would have a rail. Yeah. Yeah. We use our phones too much around our children. The first, you know, first thing you say to Rose, first time you see her in a week. Anyway. And what time's this? No idea. No, no, no.

What, we've woken up by some time. But then Rose just come back from her lunch and she's having to look after the kids and do bedtime and all that. In the evening, yeah. So it's not that. No, no, no, no. But I'm just, I was being selfish all weekend.

Well, but I think what's happened there is you've been working a lot and not only have you been working a lot, you've been under pressure because your work's changed. And on top of that, you're doing charity work. So you want Rose or someone to be go, haven't you worked hard, Josh? Aren't you great? Yeah.

Would you like a cup of tea? So you want. Yeah, that's all I want. And so Sunday we went to the Westfield to buy shoes. What for the kids? For the kids. Oh, that's a horrible trip. And I'm not, I'm not being paid for this. No, I loved it. Cause we got there bang on 11. All the other shops open at 12,

but shoe kids opens at 11. So you can not pay early doors. And then, and I'm not being paid for this. Go on. Pizza Express is just fucking great. I don't think there's a better pizza in London as much as these hipsters as much as they want to pump out these new fancy places. They've got it on lock. You just sit down. They bring you the kids menu. They've got the fucking hat. The coloring is there. Are you coloring a hat that the kids can then wear? Yeah. And the kids food just comes straight away. We always want dobles. They always want dobles. They just come.

Dobles? Is this generation's chips? My kids are into chips. Unbelievable. They love a doble. And then your food comes and Paloma Faith was in there as well. Rob in Westfield Pizza Express shoulders of the stuff. You don't if you want to be and she's cool. She's cool. You don't need to if you're trying to prove anything by going somewhere that isn't Pizza Express. Like you're going to fucking you know a

trendy gastropub with your kids yeah or you're going to fucking wherever here we go I've got him I've got him suburban Josh here we go he's moving out he's moving out he's gonna get a flak you can get oat milk in zone 5 boy I'm not moving out I'm not moving out your I'm not moving out. Your life will be better, I reckon. I'm not. Josh, Zone 5 is imagine a metropolitan pizza express. You've got parking on your drive. You've got trampoline parks with parking outside. You've got blue water 20 minutes away. Rob.

Josh, your life can change. Come and join us. Come to the suburbs. There's a pizza express that's just opened opened 0.7 of a mile from me. Do you have to get a bus? Yeah, of course. There's no parking. Too far to walk. Yeah, just easy. And then I fell asleep on the sofa for two hours.

Oh, lovely. Sunday afternoon, look now. Which is just a sign that I was, I was maybe a bit tired. I think it's a bit tired and a bit touchy and that's life though. And then that's why a good relationship works where there'll be times when roses you are and you just support each other. And then Rose took the kids and had all the kids in it when you had your little nap.

Yeah, well, I don't know I was asleep. She was upstairs on a phone. Kids crying in the hallway. Is that what's going on? And then today, three podcasts, voiceover for three hours. What for? For Big Lizard, the CBB show I'm doing, which is the last one, last voiceover. You're getting close. You're like the new Alexandra Armstrong.

And then this evening I've got two gigs and I- That's too much in a day, Josh. It's awful. And I'm dreading every moment of it and I really want- That's too much in a day, Josh. It's awful. And I'm dreading every moment of it. Right, okay, well it's happening now. How do you feel right now? I just want to be in bed tonight. Yeah, but if, yeah, tonight.

But if, strip back the narrative of what's happened last week and what you're doing the rest of the day right now, having a little laugh with me. I'm enjoying that. So that's all you need to do. That's what you've got to focus on. Yeah, I'm nervous about- We know, we're nervous about it.

We've got some big guests today. Yeah, but we're not talking to them now. Okay. So forget that. Thinking about them now will affect the show now. So don't do that. Okay, let's go for it. Worry about that when it happens. Let's go for it.

And if we do have those guests on and they're shit, who really cares? We've tried our best. Exactly, Rob. Exactly. What can you do? You know, we're talking to the mic. If people like it, they like it, if they don't, they don't. What more can we do? Exactly. At one point in our lives and careers, everyone will hate us. Oh, Rob, have you been on Plum Fargo?

I mean, yeah, you but me as well. Right, do you want to tell me what's going on in my week? Oh, make me feel good. Okay, let me tell you about the drop off situation I had last Wednesday. Oh, yeah. So this is how the drop off was working. Okay, we had to be in London at 10 at 10 at 10 a.m. Okay, so we did a school drop was all in the car together. You know, do you know how it'd be easier to get into London at

10am? What's that? If you lived in zone two? Well, what enough to get a bus and walk about half an hour? I could be in town in 30 minutes. Okay, well, you could book in another three hours of voice over, can't you? Really, really about the most have been so near. Anyway, to be fair, it's not too bad. It's a 20 minute drive to the school and the station and it's 25 minutes on the train, so it's not too bad.

But anyway, the drop off was all in the car. I dropped off one of the kids for a preschool club. Then I dropped Lou at the train station, then came back, did some reading with the other kid, dropped them off at school, at normal school entrance entrance time then I had to drive back to the station parked the car and get my train up to London because I also had to be in London could the other kid not just do like a breakfast club? no there wasn't really one to do. Oh that is a tough old morning for Rob.

Yeah, four pronged over attack and so they had to do that and then but then I realized Louis getting into London the same time as me, but I did an extra drawback, I had to park the car. Oh my god. But I was like, no, let's you know. She's nervous first. Exactly. She's getting used to the new route and stuff like that. So I was happy to do it. Then I went into London, did the

radio show, had to get a suit fitting for the BAFTAs. And then, which feels very fancy, You have to go to it because with a host they get you a suit. Oh do you get a new one every year? Yeah. Do you wear a dicky bow? No, no, no just a suit and a tie. But it's quite weird because we have to match your Romesh but we've got completely different body types. Well yeah. Now he's lost weight, his shoulders are so massive and muscly but he's got a tiny little waist. Do you get fitted together? No, we should really, but we're too busy. So it's almost like we're in one direction didn't talk to each other. Um, yes,

and then I come back and had to pick him up after school. And we've been watching Honey in the Shrug the Kids. Yeah. Yeah, just again and again. No, we watched we watched the second because I said we started watching it. So we watched Did you watch Blow Up the Baby? We watched that as well. But they got, so I don't know.

A couple of things on a run partially. Do you remember the ant, no spoilers alert for Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. We had this on holiday in Puglia. They watched Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. And they didn't, that was too much for them. So an ant comes along and saves them and they ride the ant and make friends of an ant.

And then a scorpion comes out and kills the ant. But is one of the most tragic saddest deaths on screen. If anyone else has got any sad film moments that sort of they forgot about and then they saw it again let us know. But have you seen me at the Royal Varieties? A pretty tragic death. The way the way the way the ant dies, Josh, is heartbreaking because it gets stung and the scorpion stings him. And then as the kids are fighting scorpion, the ant slowly just faded away. And then the kids all ran. And then my kids were like in balls crying. Yeah, we had this in Poole. It's just too much. It's awful for kids. And then my daughter can go to sleep because of the because of Auntie. I keep thinking of Auntie, the little

Auntie that died. But you should be careful. Maybe fast forward. When the scorpion comes on, fast forward it. And then say the ants gone on holiday. Yeah, that's good. It's a good way to do a life. Just completely ignore it. Bury your edge of sand, play along. It is weird, isn't it? Like stuff like that. Because I remember watching Watership Down. Yeah, I never saw that. That seems to be one, doesn't it? That people always talk about. Fucking hell, and that was awful.

And Dumbo, I seem to remember Dumbo's got, does he get taken away from his mom or something? Oh yeah, that's bad. It's absolutely horrific. That is bad, I remember that. I've not seen Bambi, but people say that one's got a really sad bit. I couldn't handle that kind of thing as a kid. Well, so my eldest was way more emotional than

my youngest about it. Some people are different, aren't they? But she feels things quite deeply, my eldest. She's an empath. Well, I remember when she watched Nomeo and Juliet, there's a bit where it talks, Nomeo and Juliet, there's Elton John song. And there's a bit where like, it's sort of like a couple, it's a fast forwarded montage of a couple meeting and then growing old, then passing away. And she was only probably about 18 months, but she stood in front of the TV and just tears were coming down her eyes.

And I was like, oh my God, I fucked her up already. Can I just say one thing that I watched last night that was absolutely incredible and then we'll move on. Wallop on Sky, Rob Beckett Smart TV, Robin Romish versus 50 greatest plastic surgery shuckers on E4 2009. Yeah, I thought it was unfair that they only put your number 30. I was a contributor. I was a talking head.

Before the plastic surgery now you got a full body. I watched a thing called Jury Duty. Have you watched this? No. On Amazon. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. American English? American comedy. Oh, so it's not like, not reality.

Well, it is, it's a comedy meets reality. The whole thing, they've told this guy that they're filming a court case for the first time. They're going behind the scenes in a court case. But everyone except him is an actor. Oh my God. And they're like, the whole thing's going wrong. And it's a complete fucking disaster.

And they get sequestered in the hotel and everyone's fucking mental. And it's so funny. Oh, really? It's just incredibly good. I'll give it a watch, Josh. Yeah, it's called Jury Duty. Right, Josh, back to a couple of things. The ant died in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

Oh, man. Yeah, too much. This game, what is the game at kids' parties when all the kids lie on the floor and don't move and whoever moves is out the game, on the floor and don't move and whoever moves is out the game and the last one left wins? Sleeping Lions? Yes, so that's what everyone calls it. I thought that was because of what it was called as a kid, Dead Dogs.

Dead Dogs? Have you not heard of Dead Dogs the game? No. So it'd be the exact same game but in a much bleaker. South East London's so different, isn't it? Dead dogs. Why is it dead dogs? It's not. Well, no, it was for me. That's so bleak, isn't it?

You, the stunt woman from Cinderella and the five folks who move the set call it dead dogs, but Idina Manziel's calling it sleeping lions, mate. Right. Well, if anyone else had another name for it or bleak, let us know. But I had it as dead dogs. Right. Well, if anyone else had another name for it or bleep, let us know. But I had it as dead dogs. So on Friday, it was the end of like lose week, like being in town all week. And I'd got the kids most of the week, pick up and drop off. And then I took them to get some new glasses. I'm actually wearing them today. I've got my old ones. I've got new glasses. I tell you what, small business shout out glasses lab in Bromley. Great place. Very good. Yeah, really good.

This is not a paid, I paid for my glasses. However, they have their own brand of glasses and they're a bit chunkier and a bit more wackier. They look really cool. I'm excited now. Are they on their way? Ian Wright sort of glasses and Ramesh and Big Tom sort of glasses. They're really cool. They're a little bit cool for me. And I was like, no, no, I'm just going to buy that. I've got a pair of

sunglasses and a normal guy. I'm going to, I'll just buy them. And they went, well, we'll give you some wacky ones. So they're sending me some wacky ones for free, which I haven't got yet, but I paid for it in the first place, but they're really good glasses lab Bromley and Greenwich. They've got a place in Greenwich to check them out. They're really good company. It's all just recommends today, isn't it? Do you know on the glasses thing, Rob? Yeah. So when I go, I go to a glasses, colon ward or street, shout out to those guys.

Sometimes I got a toilet, big shout out to Armity chance. Big shout out to our kids today on the old desk. Sure. On the mic yeti, big shout out to our kid today on the old desk. Big shout out to sure on the mic, Yeti. Big shout out to Apple. Big shout out to Timex, got me here on time today. Big shout out to Andrex, a lovely chick this morning. Big shout out John Lewis premium cotton sheets for last night. Oh, we had a lovely time in John Lewis yesterday. Okay. Took the kids to John Lewis, bought them some clothes. Lovely. Lovely. Yeah, went and looked

at TVs. I always think... What? Were you talking about something else before this were you yeah glasses, yeah So you were giving big shout out to Mordor Street. Yeah, even big shout out to I go Mordor Street But So I've got two pairs of glasses that are kind of the glasses I wear Yeah, and then I have got a third more funky pair of glasses Well, I think everyone has a little funky pair that they never wear. I just don't know if I'll ever have the guts. How funny are they? They're not that, they're different. They're wire, they're circular, more like John Lennon-y style.

Oh, have you got them? Can you put them on? Yeah, they're downstairs. Do you want me to go and get them? I'll say, no, we haven't got time to do it, but maybe tomorrow. downstairs? Do you want me to go and get them? I'll say that. No, we haven't got time to do it, but maybe tomorrow. Wear them tomorrow. Yeah. When you've got yours, will you have yours for the correspondents?

Yes, I'll have mine for the... Mine are just chunky. We'll wear them for the next service point. We'll wear our funky goggles. Yeah, but it's just, I just, you know, when you're like, soon I'm going to have the guts to wear these, even though they look good. But do you know what it's like? I used to hate I had an undercut longer

than almost have not longer. Yeah, but a longer period than almost everyone. Because I couldn't deal with that day when you go into school and you've changed haircut. Yes, yes. And the thought then that the changing the glasses too much is the modern equivalent is the changing the glasses too much is the modern equivalent is the grown up equivalent of going into school with a new haircut, and being the center of attention for a day. I hated that. Yeah, you hate being center of attention. But listen to Rob Beckett and Josh Whitcomb's parents in hell. Exactly. I'm here in this number. Don't look. I'd

like to be just to the side of the attention. Yes. Half the attention please. Half the attention please. Oh no, this is funny. So I didn't have you ever seen Rose do this? Lou had her eyelashes done. Well, I don't know what that means. I longer and tinted or whatever. And then she needs to have a shower and bath to go out that night. So she wore my swimming goggles in the bath. Really? That's absolutely mental. I've never seen that before. No, I don't know about that.

I picked up. Sorry, I was talking about the I had nothing to say on eyelashes. Yeah. Well, I picked the kids up on Friday and I took them to Pizza Express. That's what I was talking about, right? We took the kids to Pizza Express. And Lou was getting the train home, big shout out to Southeastern. So the kids were like, where's mum? I was like, oh yes, we went to the Glasses place on Friday, then Pizza Express.

Then she was like, where's mum? Where's mum? And I was like, oh, she's just coming back from work, she'll be back later. She might meet us here or meet us at home. She was like, oh, mummy's the work person now. And Lou was like, it's been four days! Oh, mummy's the work, mummy's the work person now. And Lou was like, it's been four days. She was like, but I miss mummy, the work person. And Lou was getting living for that.

And then I was so tired on that Friday because I've been doing gigging in the evening and getting up. Normally Lou does a bit more with the mornings, getting ready, but then I was doing that as well because we were both going out. And I was gigging in the evening and I was recording during the day. I was so tired and I haven't done this since I was probably four at the barbers Josh. I fell asleep in the chair.

Oh man, that is unbelievable. I've never done that. Well the bit when they do the beard where basically you lean back and then she has these like an eye masks thing she puts on so that it stops the hair going in your eyes and you're not getting blinded by the lights right above you so it's quite nice and soft and relaxing and I just I fell asleep and I didn't realize I was asleep until I just said Rob, Rob I'm finished now and you know everyone in the barbers, obviously you'll have a bit of a laugh that I'd be asleep because you just you do it's a little barbershop. There's some good selfies going around. Yeah, I imagine the Petswood area, the pub, the sovereign. A bloke has flopped his cock on your face.

Anyway, but you know, but this is so you know, when you fall asleep when you shouldn't fall asleep, and I woke up and then are you almost over overcompensate well I'm like yeah no worries and I just jumped straight up and I'm like yeah I could pay I'll pay you for the haircut and I'm dropping my wallet I dropped my phone and you know you're not for the whole week it was awful oh god actually that dude is looking a haircut god shout out to her haircut hair shout out to her. Haircut hair. Shout out to Harry. Great guy. Oh, this happened last week as well, Josh.

I locked a delivery man in my alleyway. No. So I've got that, but at the back of the house, we've got like an alleyway, which got a little door on it that's got like a compressor button and like a ring doorbell kind of thing. Yeah. You can press a button and then it opens the gate. So it's not into the house. It's just to a little side bit.

And then that's where if we have deliveries, we sort of just, if they buzz and go, we got delivery, I just pressed the button and they, when we drop the parcel and then go, but there's a, it's like 10 seconds, 20 seconds. And then anyways, I did it. Didn't think nothing of it. Then I, then I, and I go back to it and I was like, that's weird because you know, I, I weren't expecting anything. Look back, geez, I'm still in the alleyway like 10 minutes later.

And then I go to press the button. But as I press the button, he decides at that moment to climb the gate. Oh, my God. And then it starts moving with him on it. I'm like, what if I crush him? Oh, my God. And then he was like, oh, because there's like a two way audio. I went, I'm sorry about that, mate. And he went, oh, oh, because there's like a two way audio and I'm sorry about that,

mate. And he went, oh, fucking hell, I was in the fucking hell. You know when someone's like properly angry, but he's just being angry at a little box on a wall. Fucking hell, I was in the fucking hell anyway, right? It's a big shout out that guy who I kidnapped. They didn't know Rob Beckett was their fucking prison warden for 10 minutes. And yeah, that that cracked me up. And I'm just going for a list now, Josh, of stuff that's happened. Right. I saw I am right, there's few other things I want to cover. My daughter's now not allowed to watch anything on Netflix. It's like an American kids sitcom, unless it was made after 2020. How come? kids sitcom unless it was made after 2020.

How come? Because they're too mean and rude in the 2010s. It was that cheeky teenager weird sort of Disney kid thing where... You watched iCarly? Yes, that one. Right. I read the book by Jeanette McCurdy, who's in it. Yeah. And I'm fascinated to know what it's like because she wrote this memoir about being a child star. That's fucking...

It's awful. Shout out to Jermette McCurdy. One of the best books I've ever read. Unbelievable book. Well, I might get that for Lou then, because all the stuff in it is quite mean. It's a bit, and a bit sass. She does not like Ariana Grande.

No, and then I think one of the guys directed it is a bit problematic as well. Yeah, he's in the book. So now she's not allowed to, basically I say, what are you watching? She says something and I go, what year was it made? And she says 2020. I'm like, anything above 2024. So like these are 2011 sort of American.

She comes to me, my daughter, I'm, squeeze my belly. She was like, you need to work it out. And I was like, that is not it. And I went, why have you said that? Is that from it? She was like, it's from a show. I sort of went, no, that's not nice. That's not kind. We're not allowed to watch them shows anymore because they're too mean in it. And I didn't really properly tell her off. I just sort of explained that. Yeah, it's not her fault. Well, exactly. So it's my fault for not being aware of what she's watching. But yeah, that salmon cat as well as another one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's awful. But so she's watching. But yeah, that salmon cat as well as another one. Oh, yeah, that's awful. But so she's banned from anything

pre pre 2020. Also, I did this that the charity gig I did at primary school to say thanks, it got me like a Easter egg, like basket with some chocolate in for the kids, like two of them. So I put out the chocolate, the Easter bunny. And I put it in the air. So a little trigger warning here, we're gonna talk about the Easter bunny. The I put them in the fridge didn't think nothing of it because I was like, Oh, I'll give it to them when it's Easter. Then my daughter comments went dad, the oldest I need to talk to you. Okay. And she she led led me by my hand into the back room and went, Daddy, the Easter bunny is not real. And I know,

I know this is why I'm talking to you in here away from my daughter, away from my sister. Is this the older one? Yeah, away from my younger sister. The Easter bunny is not real. And I'm a little bit confused because I never really thought the Easter bunny was real. No, I never believed in Easter bunny. No, but as a kid, I was just, it was never even presented as, oh, what is Easter Bunny? It was like my mom and dad got me a big chocolate Easter egg

and we'd be in the shops. My grand did an Easter egg hunt. Yeah. She'd write the clues. There was no pretense that it wasn't her. No, I always, yeah, so I was a bit like, oh, okay. And I went, well, what makes you say that? I went, well, I've seen that you've got some chocolates in the fridge.

Went, well, whether you believe in East Bunny or not, that's nothing to do with it. I did a gig, they gave me some chocolate. I've put it in there so it didn't melt. It's for you and your sister. And she was like, well. And then I just went, well, if you can believe, if you want to believe, it's up to you. And then I'd never mention it again. But like, I was just like, when she went, East Bunny's not It's not real. I said, Yeah, I know. She never was.

Mental. I mean, you can only make a book because I think we are now at the end. I think she knows about Father Christmas. Yeah, she's eight, gonna be nine next December. I think she knows and she's sort of playing it along a little bit. And I think now we were going to go, like for Christmas things, we're not, I don't think we're going to go and see Santa anymore, but we're going to do more family festive things, which might be like, we went to Copenhagen, Tivoli world before we might go to like winter wonderland or go to fun things that are like, or even, even a snow don't even play with Santa. I think so. But then the youngest ones like

only gonna be seven. But yeah, I think we're on the borderline of the last chance saloon. Do you know what reached the point of and I'm interested in your take on this because you're a bit ahead of me. So there's certain things what intellectually? Yeah, with my book, I might talk about that. And it's nothing to do with intellect, but it is to do with the way your brain processes things.

I've just filled in my dyslexia form, right, for my testing as an adult. Now, you know when you're filling in a form, you're like, I can sort of work out where these questions are going. Yeah, yeah. I've basically said yes to everything they've asked. I know, it's weird, isn't it? You know, when you get the score for something, when you're doing a quiz, you're like, I don't need the score at the end. Because I get if I'm doing a quiz to see if I've I don't know if I've got to Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's

what I mean. You're men are give. Yeah. It was like, am I depressed? Yeah. Sometimes I feel like I can't get up in the morning or no, I'm fine to get up. I don't need the score at the end. Well, let me go and analyze it. Yeah. So I'd be interested in your take on this. Yeah. Certain things where my son who is two almost three. Yeah. Well, so this is a good example. The I'm going to Paris for the Paralympics for last leg. Yes, in August. Now,

if Rose and my daughter came across who's he'll be six, nearly seven at that point. She could do the Eiffel Tower. She could do Paris. She could go to the Paralympic events. Yeah. But my son would be fucking gutted. But he can't, if Rose comes over with those two, it's gonna be almost impossible to do anything. How? It's such a difficult, so does my daughter,

do we just suck it up, and they don't have that good a time in Paris, does my daughter just not get to do that because it'll upset my son, or does my son have to take the hit that the family's enjoying this thing without him? And he's with the grandparents. So how long are you there for?

Like 12 days, something like that. And how long do they gonna come out for? I don't know, I mean, it's very much, it means two or three days. What I would do is I'd get them to come out the day you finish, essentially, two days of all. I think we want to, she wants to go to like the sport and stuff.

Or just fuck that off and just take them to Disney at the end. It's not, your answer to everything is Disney, Rob. Well, I know if I'm six, do you want to see an Eiffel Tower and a fucking game of football in Paris or do you want to go and see Mickey Mouse and go on a ride? Come on. Well, we can't go at the end because it's during school time. Fuck that, go late. Here he is, he doesn't give a fucking shit.

I don't give a fucking shit, no. Go a bit late, who cares? There's six, what's a day going to miss? Shout out to Disney. Shout out to schooling actually. Shout out to the education system, yeah? Yeah, shout out to Ofsted. Big shout out standing. Shout out standing. Well, yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Or you come-

It's just a general thing as well. It's not just that one. Things that she'd really enjoy. But it's like she, we realized this about two weeks, last half term, she went to stay at her roses mums. Now you can't just go to roses. When we've got to take both of them. It was the first time that my son had clocked that this was happening and was upset that he wasn't going. Yeah, I see. I'm not the best person to ask because we are so close together. And they're very similar and the younger one,

she's very physical so she almost always could do whatever the eldest one was doing. Yeah. So we all just always took them together but there is a bigger gap for yours and so she wants to be doing and I think they're quite different characters as well aren't they? He's a bit more rambunctious than your daughter. No, he's so chilled right now. How is isn't it? He's a bit more rambunctious than your daughter. He's so childish. How is he? I thought he was a bit more busy.

He's a bit more physical because he, you know, but you know when they say you've got to, you've got to run a boy like a dog. Yeah. You know that you don't. He is really. Because she's super childish, daughter with like sits and just grafts. Has that changed? No, she is really chilled.

She's really well behaved. But he is more, less opinionated. So he'll go, oh well, you know, that's life. That's only age though, isn't it? No, he's less opinionated than she was. Like she would be, you know, I want to wear this, I want to eat this. He just wants to shove the food in front of me. Right.

Send me them doughboys. Doughboys. Well, the other option is that Rose comes out with a friend or with a mom. Well, I think that might be what we do, yeah. In that way, if you are an event and he's kicking off, one of you could, you know. Yeah, I think that might be what we do.

I think that's better. I think it'd be a bit mean to go, oh my god. You can't do it, can you? He's too old now to go, when he was younger. You can't take a fucking three-year-old up the Eiffel Tower. I don't know, but it's a bit, he'll feel like, well, my mother's mummy and my sister go to see daddy and I've got to stay here.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Unless he's doing something really exciting, like he goes off to Digger World or goes to Peppa Pig World with his grandparents and then it's an event theme. If he's just sat at home going to nursery and stuff. And also I think he's too young to realise the trick. They get this and I get this trade-off. Do you know what I mean? Well, Josh, I think we've done enough small business shout outs today. Oh yeah.

I think if we do another one now it's going to lose up. So big, just big shout out. So was it Glasses Lab in Bromley and Greenwich? Ico, Wardour Street. Offshead, the education system, South East. I'm wearing a hairdresser at George Northwood. Miller's face, I'm a stylist. Right.

So the stylist. Yeah. Right, Josh, I'll see you next week. Well, Friday, actually. Oh, yeah. For some good. We've got a string of good guests at the moment. Right. See you then.

Bye. Hello, I'm Tim Reed. You probably don't know me as the creator and writer of sitcoms like Peter Kay's Car Share and Meet the Richardson's Because I write shows with other people's names in the title. Not anymore. Welcome to my new podcast Fist of Firsts with Tim Reed. In Fist of Firsts I'll be chatting to the biggest names in comedy about the pivotal first steps in their careers and their creative process Fist of Firsts with me, Tim Reed. Find it wherever you get your pods.

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