Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP27: Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavoured Water

Episode Date: April 9, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond... with Rob and Josh. This week we catch up with your listener questions and correspondence. TRIGGER WARNING: This episode features chat about the tooth fairy. Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Sasquatch here. You know, I get a lot of attention wherever I go. Hey Sasquatch, over here!

So when I need a judgment-free zone, I go to Planet Fitness. Get started for one dollar down and then only fifteen dollars a month. Offer ends April 12th. Forty nine dollar annual fee applies. See Home Club for details. Hello you're listening to Parents in Hell with... Indy, can you say Josh?

Josh. Whittacombe. Whittacombe. Whittacombe. Can you say Rob? Rob. Whittacombe. Whittacombe. Whittacombe. Whittacombe. With a couple Where did come Can you say Rob Beckett Can you say Michael?

Nice lovely, no, I'm a broken record but a North American saying our names. I feel like I'm on holiday. Do you feel like you've made it? I feel like I'm at passport control. You know where you get to like immigration? Yeah. And then they're like, Rob, Rob, that's me, I'm here, yes. They, I know I don't want to be cliche Rob, I don't want to be hack. Well we are, do you know what we are?

Chuck has a fucking smile at passport control, for God's sake, I'm not. Oh, it's stressful American passport control, isn't it? So stressful, it's the most stressful one. Oh, compared to Spain. Spain's so chilled. I don't know, not as chilled as it was for obvious reasons. Yeah. Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. Yes.

I have one and a half year old Indy having a go at your names. I love the podcast and we've just had the worst conversation ever, Rob. Are you all right? They're from Dublin. Pardon? Okay. Do they know they're from Dublin? Now I'm playing that again. What the hell are they talking about? They're Irish.

Unless they're from Dublin, Ohio. Oh, this is meant to... Indy, can you say Josh? Josh. Whiddicombe. Whiddicombe. This is Ben. So I got can you say Josh? Where did come Can you say Rob? Can you say Michael?

Yeah, they're Irish actually. Yeah, they are Irish. What happened there? What happened there, Josh? I know that was bad, but we got a great riff out of it about how vicious the... It's not racist though, is it? No, no, not racist. What would have been racist? Welsh and Chinese? Yeah, I don't know why that'd be racist.

It's just a mistake. Just a mistake. Yeah, just sounding quite American. Also, obviously, like children's accents are a little bit all over the place. Yeah. So they're from Dublin. So they're from Dublin. Sure, absolutely.

They're from Dublin. I love the podcast, but I have to stop listening in the car because Indie Now copies everything and has taken up saying shit and fuck's sake. Thanks for the laughs and hours of entertainment. Maybe they're listening to American podcasts as well. That's why they sound American-ish. Yeah, that'll be it. Yeah.

Yeah, it is a bit sweary this, but I just can't not. No, it's just part of me. I try but- I'm from the streets. If I'm relaxed and honest, I'm swearing. So it's very difficult. I don't wanna start restricting myself, you know. I wanna be able to express myself.

If I think an anecdote's not firing as well as I hoped, I'm swearing, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that as well. Just stick that on the end of it. I hoped. I'm swearing. Basically. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That as well that you just stick that on the end of it. Yeah. Sorry if your kids are. They're going to find out anyway at some point. Are they fucking little pricks? I did a corporate last night, Josh. I saw a lot of corporate. It was quite a geyser industry. I don't want to say the exact awards. Why do they book you?

Well, they booked me because the host said for the previous 10 years was someone else. Oh, glorious. Beep it out, Michael. Oh, incredible. Incredible. Anyway, so it was this industry that's quite blokey and I sort of did the standoff at the beginning which was fine. Did a little bit of hack stuff, there was a table for AA, I went AA are here and they

cheered and I was like oh good for them to be on time. Oh Rob. Absolutely ripped it, wanted to kill myself. Just hand over the cheque to Rob Beckett now, job well done. He absolutely took the roof off and I felt pathetic. I was like I know what I need to say here. I know what reaction I'll get. Is it big? Is it clever?

No. Am I artistically stretching my legs? No, but I've got 15 minutes to feel who and then 36 awards. That standout was all right, but this is what I find quite difficult is when you do the awards, normally you go, right, next award is, and we've got so and so from one of the sponsors to come up to give the award. Then I would go, right, and the nominees are, and then there was like a voice of God guy doing all

the shortlists yeah and I'm just sort of stood with the person yeah most of them all right but the more geezer in the industry and more drunk now they start like everyone comes up and does like a bit oh what so they'll be like where's Romesh then hey what on the mic no but off the mic just chatting to us oh yeah and then someone else was like come up he went, you're shorter than I thought you would be. Yeah, I get that all the time. I was like, oh, OK. And then because I don't react, they're like, yeah, I said you're shorter than I thought you.

And it used to go, well, I've got no preconceived ideas about your height, because I don't know who the fuck you are. But that is unnecessarily combative. So now I just go, all right, OK. And then so that was going on. And it's quite exhausting. Everyone that's come, it's like blind date in hecklers.

How many awards? With 36. So it's 36 micro interactions on a stage. 36 awards? Yeah. That's a lot of awards. I know. Anyway.

It's a lot of awards. I did say, if you haven't won an award tonight, have a long, odd look in the mirror. They've given you ample opportunity. It's your fault. And then they'll do this like, what's the award at the end they do? The lifetime achievement one or whatever. Right. It's like the big boss has come out and he's reading this out and they're all

chatting and thingy and listening. They've had a bit more attention to this one. It's a big award. Then I'm stood with this bloke who just doesn't stop talking to me, but like, it looks quite rude because he's announcing the lifetime achievement. He literally went, you're shit at driving. of the Robert Ramesh formula. I went, all right, yeah, yeah. He went, fucking hell, car reverse, can you? I'm like, now couldn't in that 20 second clip you said, what do you say? I'm trying to be polite.

Also mate, that's a funnier TV show than if I could. I'm not saying you need to be a commissioner at Sky to understand this, but if I could reverse, that's not making the show. I did like Robert Romesh this week. I was just parking perfectly. Yeah, really good. I was sort of like being polite, but sort of going, all right, yeah, no, I'm not very good at driving, whatever, and then just trying to be, because everyone's watching.

I don't want to look rude because he says someone's got some achievement in their industry. Then he goes, if I was you, I would have taken the piss out of that bloke's clothes. He looks shit. This bloke had like a little bow tie on, a big Cumberbund thing, like Penguin from Batman. And he pointed at this bloke, he was probably about 28, he was in perfect shape, had like a beige smoking jacket and with like black lapels, like sort of cool skinny trousers, these white sort of socks and like shiny loafers. He looked like Timothy Shalemate, what's his name?

Shalemate? That bloke, yeah. I was looking at him and I went, oh, I think he looks actually quite cool. He went, I think he looks shit. I went, okay. And then he went, and I don't know what you're wearing. I was like, hey, I'm trying to not talk.

Someone's getting in the life. What were you wearing? I was wearing black shoes and dark navy blue suit with a white shirt and a blue tie. Very smart. Right, so literally the first thing, because that's what I'd wear to a corporate... A basic bloke going to a smart event. It couldn't be more run of the mill, normal, boring man at an awards do, trying to just blend into the background.

Anyway, because I don't like your wearing a stupid tie. I said, stupid tie? Stupid tie? normal, boring man at the Wards do, trying to just blend into the background, alright? Yeah. Anyway, cause I don't like your way of wearing a stupid tie. I was like, stupid tie? I went, stupid tie? Yeah, he went, you should be wearing a dicky bow. Smart. And then by then I went, I just think you look like a sad man from the 80s. This is happening while the lifetime achievement is being given out to some poor bastard that's

not their guts out. So is the guy doing the speech as you two are having this conversation? We're directly behind him on the big screen. Oh my god. To a 1500 people in his room. Oh my god. And he went, what did you say? And I'm like, oh god, he's not gonna fight, is he?

I went, well, you don't like his clothes, I feel it's cool, you don't like my clothes. He went, I don't really like your clothes, I feel like some sad man from the 80s. And he went, well, I am from the 80s. And I went, well, that'll be it then. Please welcome to the stage. Oh my God. But by that point, I was so tired. I'm like, you have to deal with so many little things. Anyway, it was funny. So that's what I was doing last night and I got home quite late.

So I've not been doing the school run as much the last few days because I've been working late. I see him in the morning, but it's quite hard to, they're coming to see me, but I'm so like, I feel like I'm drunk. You know, when you're so tired and you're not waving. And then my daughter had a tooth came out when I was at work, Lou messaged me going, Oh, her tooth's come out and sent a video. And then I came home at 1am, went straight to sleep. In the morning, we got woken up at six with a crying child because the tooth fairy hadn't been. So we had to calm her down and the shop was explaining it and I said maybe her bag's too full and she was like, well she doesn't got a bag, she's magic. I was like oh god. Come on mate, come on.

It's very hard to be put under that pressure at 6am on five hours sleep when you're like you're spitballing excuses for the tooth fairy as opposed to... Do you want me to hear about my tooth fairy story? Yeah, go on. Do you remember when I put the tooth and it was just in the cup and then it was in the sink when we were at Caboo? Oh yeah, yeah, you thought you lost it.

Yeah, so my daughter came in about a week ago. In the morning, she'd lost a tooth. She walked in with it, she was like, where should I put it? I had an empty pint glass next to her bed, pop that in there, dealt with. Two days it sat there. She was, Rose was away, so she was sleeping on it. She was... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Phrases are catchphrases for a reason. Catchphrases are catchphrases for a reason. Also, loads of people have asked me,

I've had people ask me in the street, this was ages ago you mentioned it, but did Rose wash the grill? Yeah, I didn't, so I presume she did. Right, okay. Yeah. But you've not mentioned it, I said, well done. I'm not gonna say well done.

I'd say it's best to put the whole thing behind us. Absolutely, have you checked it's been washed and it's not just been put in the bin? I haven't checked that. So you haven't seen it for a bit? I haven't seen it for a bit. Fair enough. So roses away. Put it in the pint glass. Yeah. People are going to say this podcast is roses away. A couple of days later, I'm on my way to the last leg. So I'm at home doing this today and there's someone at the door. Do you want to go there? I think Lou's got it. No, I'm not getting up.

I've told her I'm busy. I think it's a carpet person. And I said, no, I'm working. She went, working? I was like, well, chatting to Josh for the podcast. She went, oh yeah, working. I went, well, whether I enjoy it or not, I have to do it. Cheers mate.

Yeah, no, but you know, I mean. No, I totally agree. That's the problem with work that you enjoy. But then, I'm penalised for enjoying my job. Exactly Rob. Not really penalised, just rolled her eyes. Long story short. Go on.

I'd put the glass in the dishwasher, hadn't turned the dishwasher on yet. No. I'd phone Rose, who was here, and say, I think there's a tooth somewhere in the dishwasher. Oh, obviously because it fell out as you turned it. Yeah. She found it. I couldn't believe my life. This tooth does not want to get lost, does it? No. That's two teeth. I've done the same thing, basically. So it was two separate teeth?

Two separate teeth. So you did it once on the holiday, and then you've done it once, another tooth at home. Yeah. But did she put it under the pillow? Did the two-ferry come? Yeah, all good. Now, and what is the two-ferry doing with them? You were keeping them. It's weird, isn't it? Really weird, yeah.

Why are we doing that? So we never kept our eldest. Also, I found out if you're in Disney, when you lose your tooth and you put it under the pillow and write a note, they bring like little gifts from Tinkerbell. Oh! It's that little thing they do. Can you hear people? Can you hear that?

No. Okay. Why are carpet fairs always so loud? Because they've got to have a laugh, haven't they? Yeah, and Hope is like, he literally walks in the thing and goes, Hello! I've got a carpet! But I suppose they're not working near anyone, except you. It's very rare someone's recording a podcast in the next room.

And it's so embarrassing to tell them. Yeah, yeah. Excuse me, do you mind keeping it down? Because I'm just talking to my friend about his daughter's teeth. We didn't keep the eldest, but the youngest Lou's keeping them. I was happy just to get rid, but Lou has actually said something that's concerning because it's our baby. It's our youngest. And I feel like it's the first signs of panicking that you haven't got these little babies anymore. This is the danger zone of potentially pumping out another kid. This is the part where most parents start yearning for those little cute babies where now we've got two girls. I'm

resolutely not, but when your wife's keeping teeth, you've got to think, is she switching in the head? Yeah. Does she want to go again? Oh my word. What would you do if Lou said we need to go again? Need to is in, I'd ask what need. I feel biologically like I need to have a third child. I get it with you or without you. Do you want him? Oh, so how would, without work, she'll just get some from a sperm. I'm just going to sleep with someone else. I'll probably just go, all right then. But I'd go, all right then, but you've got to do more of the nights if you really want one.

Because I'm on the fence, looking at the fence, not even on the fence. But if she's over the fence and wants another one, I'm like, right, I know it's not very modern, man, but I put a shift in with the first two. I don't want the third, so you're going to have to pick up the slack. And I think that's a fair negotiation.

Sign the contract before. Job's a good one. But yeah, I find it weird she's keeping them. I just don't want to have to's a fair negotiation. Sign the contract before jobs are good. But yeah, I find it weird she's keeping them. I just don't want to have to get a new car. I don't think that's the biggest problem. When I've got friends that have got three or four kids, when I look in their eye, the car is so down on the list of things that they're concerned about. Do you think it's just impossible? They just all look so tired.

I would like another one that's two and a half, but fucking hell, I don't want to have to do that. It's three and a half years of your life. Yep, and pregnancy and all that, yep. So no, not for us. No. I think I'm done. Good on you if you're doing it. So you're keeping the tooth? Yeah, yeah.

Where? Currently in my sock drawer. It's weird. Yeah, well where else am I going to? It's like serial killer, little one. I know. I'm not one of life's orders. I know, you've tried to get rid of the teeth twice in the sink. You're not one of life's hoarders.

There's so much shit behind you. I know. Look what I'm doing at the moment Rob. What you're doing at the moment? I've got a new phone. Okay. So I've currently without phone because it's doing the thing where it moves all the stuff from one phone to the other phone. Did you back up before you did the switchover? Did you do an

iCloud backup? What does that mean? Oh no. Are you joking? No I'm not. Have you done the WhatsApp backup? What? You're an epical here. Now if you haven't done the iCloud backup you are what I like to call completely fucked. Oh no. However I imagine your phone automatically does it if it's plugged in on a Wi-Fi so you might be lucky. Yeah. If you haven't done the WhatsApp back up and you haven't saved all your pictures and photos they're gone. No not all my pictures and photos they're all in the cloud. No but anything that's on WhatsApp. Oh is this what Boris Johnson did? Well one one of the things, yeah.

But is this what he claimed to have done? Yeah, so, and it is defense. I don't want to go around defending Bojo, because I think it's probably bollocks, what he said, but it happened to me where I made sure my iCloud was up to date, but I didn't make sure my WhatsApp was backed up. If I scroll back now, there's like videos and stuff that's been sent on WhatsApp.

It's just like a weird JPEG picture and no photo. Does my WhatsApp not just back up as it goes? No, no, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. Well, I'm too far in now, aren't I? Well, yeah, you don't know. You just have to just deal with it. It said time remaining about 59 minutes.

It said that for 10 minutes. So if I go to my iCloud backup, my iCloud was last backed up. When was it? My last backup was 1 AM today on my iCloud. Why? Because it was plugged in and on Wi-Fi. So it automatically backs up like every day. So did you unplug it at 1am? No I think I might have plugged it in, I got in late last night. Right yeah. So then it backs up all the information so I got in about one ish. I'm down to 58 minutes. Okay well done. Well let's keep

exposing but our WhatsApp doesn't automatically. Oh fuck. So if I. Well, let's keep it posted. But now WhatsApp doesn't automatically. Oh, fuck. So if I go to let's have a look at this. Right. So if I go to my pictures on a group. Yeah. If I scroll back to the beginning, it sort of looks a bit like that. You can see those little blue. Oh, no. So there's some photos there, but loads of videos aren't. But why do I need old photos and videos from WhatsApp? I don't know. But also the messages won't be there either. If you've not backed up. Why do I need old photos and videos from WhatsApp? I don't know, but also the messages won't be there either if you've not backed up.

But why do I need old messages? Well, I don't know, just scroll back. You do, don't you? It does happen. And sometimes I search the message. Oh God. So you might be lucky, you might not. Also, the reason I'm changing phones. Okay, what's happened?

You're joking around having parties during COVID and you don't want the inquiry to find out. Too bloody right. I'm in for the inquiry next week actually. I'd love to see you be inquired. Oh my god, it would be deserved. If you got caught up in something that wasn't really your fault, but it was really bad, and you had to answer those questions, the flapping of your hands, you'd get so red and so hot, it would be so funny to watch. Whereas you just go for them. Well, you look like a prick as well, mate.

No, I don't know what I'd do. I think I'd completely crumble. If I was like set up for something I didn't do, I think I'd completely crumble. But I think you'd try and talk your way out of it, but visibly be like clapping and stuff. But I think I'd probably just burst into tears. Yeah, oh God, it'd be awful.

Anyway. Yep, go on. The reason I'm changing, and before you ask, yes, I have searched it for fluff. What? Is the charging hole. Fluff? The charging hole is fucked. Oh, right.

I thought that was a term or phrase for pornography. And everyone is like, everyone you tell, not that I've told that many people, it's like you've got fluff in it. I'm like, I haven't got fluff. Right, so you've checked for fluff. I've checked for fluff. Did you take it to the Apple shop? Yeah. I need a new phone anyway because it's dying. Its battery is so weak.

I reckon it's a three hour battery but currently you have to have the charger just so to make it charge. Always 57 minutes. Right, okay Josh, Josh, I'm going to speak for the listeners. We don't care. Because then every time we're talking I feel like you're going to jump in with a 56 minutes. I wish. Anyway, I've got two weeks to get it back to that. This is how busy my life is. Two weeks to get what back? Yeah, I get 400 quid for my old phone from Apple.

Oh, that's good. Yeah. Okay. And this is the first time, Rob, where I've been able to do, you know, this phone to phone upgrade thing? Yeah. It's the first time I've ever done it. Because I've never had a working phone when I've bought a new phone before.

Right. Always normally wait until it's totally dead. So is this a gadget show? ... I don't know what you want me to say. Just telling me the situation I'm in. Okay and how's it feel? Well good until you told me I was going to lose all my whatsapps.

I can screenshot all our conversations and send them to you. If you could, yeah. That would be helpful, wouldn't it? That would be good. That would be good. It's mostly you saying I'm running five minutes behind because the last leg meeting's running over. Yeah but I had to email that today because my today because it's really difficult because my phone's just

out of... Yeah. I'm living a life without a phone. I've got two phones, neither of them are usable. My phone wasn't working on the way to a gig in Tooting the other day. And then for some reason my sat nav on my car was... You know, like you normally just use your phone even in the car, but that weren't working. So I tried to...

The sat nav in the car weren't working. So I sat and having the car weren't working. So I had to just drive to Tooting using road signs. Oh my God. I thought I was in the 80s. What was it like? How did you do it? It was quite exhilarating actually. It was quite fun.

I felt like I was actually doing something, like being aware of what was going on. And also it was like- How did you know where to head to? It felt quicker because you know the ways to get, oh another 30 minutes, another 28 minutes. I wasn't there to look at. I knew how to get to Crystal Palace from Bromley, so I just followed the sign instituted. Wow, god that's incredible. Felt great. Because that's

the thing, people will ask me, oh what route did you take? Yeah. Or they'll say have you got a recommended route? You know like if my dad's coming to visit, what route do you reckon I should go? I go, put it in a sat nav. That's the quickest route. That is my bugbear with taxi drivers where they go, what route should I go? I'm like, mate, you've got one fucking job. You're going to have to step up. You're going to have to step up and take responsibility for your decisions because your job is to drive. If I know better than you, what are you doing in your job? Get on the apps. I don't mind travel

jumping into the songs on the radio. Do you know what? When I did Zoe Ball the other day, Rob. Pardon? When I appeared on the Zoe Ball breakfast show the other day. Absolutely. Yeah. There's that lovely man that does the travel that was on Strictly. Richie. Oh yeah, I love him from Birmingham. Yeah, always wears skinny jeans and a new bomber jacket. Yeah, yeah, he's great. Is that me on Mock the Week? Yeah, he is. Chips in too much. But I couldn't help thinking, why is the travel still being read out on the radio? I know. it's also I get it if it's local radio and it's like Bedfordshire or Lincoln where you could do those roads but Radio 2 is the whole country they'll go

oh it's a tailback in Glasgow and the road into Cornwall's slow. I'm like it's too far apart. Yeah who the fuck in 2024 is waiting for the travel to come on Radio 2. And I didn't give this guy, because he's really good, Richie. Oh, he's great. He needs to not be doing the travel. He needs to be doing a show. And I think he does it off messages that have been sent in by the listeners. Yeah. That can't be the right way. You've got to do your research. Sure, he's got like some sort of satellite. Or check those little webcams on the motorways. I mean, if people haven't got a sat nav, right? More people have got a sat nav than haven't.

If you need directions, just email in radio two and they'll sort you out. That's a better thing. If Richie goes, I've got a letter from Susan. She wants to go to Glasgow. I'd take the M5. Well, next Wednesday at 8 o'clock, I've got to be at something. And then he just tells me a route.

Yeah, exactly. Fine. Also, what's weird on that Radio 2 breakfast show is sometimes they have like thought of the day and you're like having a right old laugh with Sue Barker telling a couple of stories a bit fruity. She's called Zoe Ball, Rob. No, I did it with Sue Barker because you have the guest on with you. Oh, is that who it is? You knew I recognised her from TV. Remember, you're having a bit of

a laugh with the other guests out there. They're out of nowhere. Then like Reverend Kate Botterly came in from Gogglebox. Is that talking about Jesus? We're all on promo here, Kate. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha from the listeners. What do you want to do? Some questions? Why don't I do a question, you do a correspondence, I do a question? Absolutely, let's do that. You do questions, I do correspondence. Okay. Fucking hell, some people go so deep. Fair play, LB. Oh no, what is it? Where's Rose? I've deleted all of them. Did you ever find out who got Josh's copy of Gabby Roslin's book? You know, when you're like, fuck, and L I don't even remember. Of course, I got someone else's copy of Gabby Roslyn. There we go.

No, because I bumped into Gabby Roslyn and she said she's got absolutely no idea there was a mail merge problem and everyone got the wrong one. Ha ha ha. Absolute marketing genius. Mail merges sounds like sort of a Victorian word for homosexuality.

Well, apparently he's been mail merging. Hmm, quite the story. Bloody Wokery at the BBC, you have to mail merge now if you wanna get a show, that's how it works. That's what I've heard on the forums. That's what you've heard on Joey Barton's podcast. Yeah, Joey Barton's podcast. Matt Letizier told me.

When solo parenting, what's the most stressful situation you've ever found yourself in? From John. Oh, I think I spoke about this ages ago. It's when Lou got rushed into hospital with pancreatitis. Yeah. And I had to sort all the kids out, get them into school and stuff, and I was on tour. Yeah.

And I had to sort all the dogs out, the kids, and then I got my dog stuck in a fence, and I eventually got all the kids sorted out. I think Lou's mom might have been away, and my parents were further away. So I had to wring all different friends from school, get the dog out the fence, sort the dogs out of a dog walker. And then I got, that was literally nonstop all day.

Then I got like in the car and went to Milton Keynes, had a slight breakdown on stage in Milton Keynes. Yeah, I remember that. I remember that. But that was mental. That was. Yeah, that's a strong one. Oh, or the other time was at a kid's birthday party when both of my kids had a full meltdown. Oh, that was a strong one. Oh, or the other time was at a kids birthday party when both of my kids had a full meltdown.

Oh, that was a good one. And it ended up with me carrying them both out under my arms, like a strong man carrying logs. With the coats around my shoulders, their shoes, I was biting to keep hold of, and I carried them out saying, goodbye, thank you very much, as they were kicking and screaming.

And I think one of the lovely parents still gave me a party bag that I hooked onto one of my fingers whilst I was carrying them out. That was horrible. Oh my gosh. My daughter still got some PTSD from that and is still a bit strange around birthday parties because everyone laughed at her because she was having a strop and then she run in front of the photo mid-strop. Can I ask you a question, Josh? Yeah, yeah.

Obviously we'll get back to your answer for this one. How often do your children cry in a week? Not like deeply upset or hurt, just, you know, when they sort of like, not if they get their fingers trapped or something like that, but like in the morning getting ready, like, because they want to wear something, they can't find something or because mine are very emotional. And I don't know if that's normal. Yeah, I suppose they, I mean, much more than I would deem necessary. She's got my teddy and I want that teddy.

And would there be actual tears in that situation? It would be like, oh daddy, she went in there and I wanted that, yeah. Like, so not probably cry with that. Yeah, that happens a lot, that happens a lot. Yeah, good. That's sort of their new voice now, I find. Right, yeah, yeah. By the other day I was like, I hope everyone's a bit like this. And I've just got two children that are sad all the time.

But they seem to have got happy, but they do get really upset. They're distraught. It's just a rollercoaster being a kid, isn't it? But so yours do that as well, do they? Yeah, you know, once or twice a fortnight. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, they do. Yeah. So it'll be over wanting the same thing. They'll enjoy having a bath together, but you can't get through the bath without at

least one total strop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's normally mornings and bedtimes this is. Yeah. In the day it's not too bad. What about you? What's the most stress you've been solo parenting? We ran out of rye bread and I had to give him granary.

That was bad. I'm joking. I'm joking. I would say I got locked out. Yeah. It was the first time I ever took my daughter out alone. I think it was snowing. Where'd you go in the park?

I just went for a walk with the pram. And then I got home and we were locked out and it was ice cold. Oh no. And then I was walking on the street. I was just like, I'm just going to have to just keep walking. And then I bumped into someone who I vaguely knew as a friend of Rose's from when she was in her twenties, from back home, like when she lived in Kingston.

This is a sick comment. Kingston, South West London, not Kingston, Jamaica. And he had a small kid and he was like, well, you can come around to mine. And we didn't know each other. Oh, could you just go in a cafe or something? No, because it was like I needed to check. It was just I can't remember. Also, there's that weird five o'clock time where like cafes are sort of shut in and coffee shops and pubs aren't really open.

Or restaurants awkward with a kid. Yeah. And the kids couldn't push the kids My daughter couldn't like she was crawling and you were like, oh, right. Yeah, that's not ideal for so I can't even the first time She was no, maybe she wasn't good. I can't remember it was early on anyway Anyway, for whatever reason I went back to his He was really nice and we all sorted it and he had his kid who was maybe three and my kid was like It's an ex-boyfriend of Rose's? No, no, not to my knowledge.

Just a friend from her 20s. Yeah, yeah. A male friend from her 20s. He was like ripped and just in his pants. Yeah, absolutely. And he was like looking in a mirror for me and I was like, it's so weird, she's got a type. That's it. And then his child was ill.

I had no other option but to take... And then my daughter, that was the first time my daughter got ill. She caught it from his child because I'd locked myself out. I had to go to his house for two hours. Once Lou, I was just when our youngest was really clingy and didn't really want me and Lou had to go to the doctors. So I was like, no, you go doctors. It's like five, 10 minute drive away or a 30 minute walk. So Lou jumped in the car, went to the doctor's appointment and then as soon as she left, my daughter started crying. She must've been about six months old or something like that.

Just started crying. And I was like, don't worry, she'll calm down once you're gone. She did not calm down, Josh, right? And then I kept on trying to like put telly on, didn't work. Show on iPad, didn't work. Teddy's, didn't work.

My head started going because your brain starts going, your child doesn't even love you. Doesn't even want to be, you know, when you're like tired and weak, right? And then I tried to make her scrambled egg, but burnt that and had run out of eggs and she didn't want it anyway. And then it got to the point where the only thing I could do was I thought I'm just going to have to take her to the doctors. But Lou had the car that we only had one car at that point. She wasn't going to buggy. So I had to walk along with her on my shoulders as she cried all the way to

the doctors. And then as I'm walking there, Lou's coming back from the doctors, but drove past us, but didn't see us. But my daughter saw Lou. Oh God. So I did that, I took her all back. Then Lou got home and we weren't there and she started panicking. But I couldn't get my phone out because it was in my back pocket and I was holding her

up on my shoulders and I didn't know it was ringing. I was holding her up on my shoulders and I didn't know it was ringing. That was off. And then I brought her home and just gave her to Lou and then she went upstairs. Ha! That was horrible. I forgot about that.

Yeah. You just feel like, what is the point of me? This child doesn't even want me and I'm the dad. Wait till they're teenagers, mate. Right, correspondence. Here we go. Dear Rob and Josh, I have a boomer story for you from my husband's side of the family.

When my husband was around nine, him and his three other siblings all had hamsters. One day, my husband's mum gathered them all in the living room and told them to sit down. She then asked everyone who had a hamster to stand up, which of course they all did. Then she told Mark, my husband's brother, to sit back down. This was her way of telling him that his hamster had died during the night. Oh my god. Fucking hell. That's from Katrina. So horrible, innit?

Oh my word. That is bleak, isn't it? What's that in the background? Is that vibrating? What? I thought I heard something vibrating. Is that your house? There's a bandsaw outside. What's a bandsaw? What's it doing outside your house? Well it's building work going on somewhere. How do you know what a bandsaw is? What is a bandsaw? Well how do I know what a bandsaw is, mate? Yeah. Because I'm a fucking bloke. You're an absolute geezer. Yeah. How's your radiator as well, by the

way, because it's getting warmer, you've got a jacket on, are you next to your radiator How's your radio as well by the way because it's getting warmer you've got a jacket on your next year radio Is your window open or is it not on? No, it's not open to the band saw It's on a little bit, but because the house has warmed up. It's not coming on. It's not coming So you're gonna forget about it. Yeah, because it won't need to come on. Well, we'll turn the heating off in about a few weeks Yeah, so there you go 48 48 minutes, 48 minutes Rob. Oh, wait until your phone's... Yeah. Respect.

Do you want to do another question? Yeah. Alan Simpson. Yeah. What's the largest animal you could catch if it was humanely fired at you from a cannon from 50 meters away? What is that?

Well... I think I could catch a cat. No, cause they're all limmy. They'll be trying to land. You want something that's almost a dead weight, but not too heavy. Hamster? That's quite small though. Yeah, well I'm just drawing the line and then we'll go up.

Do you think you could catch a rabbit? Something the beach ball size you could catch, but you need it to be beach ball weight. Yeah, because basically something beach ball size that's the weight of an animal is like a fucking cannonball. Is it alive or and is it welcoming the catch because there's a badger flying at you I'd be scared of grabbing it. Oh my god that'd be terrible. I think that would kill you a badger from 50 yards. 50 yards? What is yards? Who's this grandad? Yards? Who uses yards? No he said meters, I'm the grandad. 50 meters, that is a long way, 50 meters, isn't it? It's from the halfway line of a football pitch fired at you.

I'd say a French bulldog. No! I'm going with dog, cause dogs like to be held, right? Yeah. You know what, I'd go, I'd probably go sausage dog, or not a miniature, like a dash hound.

Yeah. But you could put your arms out almost like in like, bicep curl way, and you could grab it under its legs like that. Yeah. And they're not too heavy. As long as it was sausage onto you. Because if it was surely as aerodynamic would mean that it would fly, the sausage would be coming towards you rather than side onto you.

And then you're the bum. Exactly. Or whippets and greyhounds are quite light, but they're big. But it's like a bagpipe being thrown. It's just all legs and rib cage. Yeah, if you get one of them in your eye, you're a goner. So I'd say probably a sort of a dog. Yeah, I'm gonna go hamster. I don't think I could do higher.

What a weird question. I know, a bit weird, isn't it? Alan? Alan? Let me do another... Oh, he's another tooth one-ish. We do a tooth one. Yeah. Hi guys, I heard your episode where Josh's little girl lost her teeth and he didn't know what to do with them. He's currently kept them in his drawer, a little sicker.

I kept my daughter's teeth after they fell out and it came in handy when my son who's younger lost one of his teeth while having his breakfast. I'm quite sure he swallowed it with his Weetabix before realizing it was missing. He was really upset that he didn't have it to leave for the tooth fairy. So whilst we were looking for it, I quickly ran to my secret tooth stash belonging to my daughter, grabbed a tooth, put it on the kitchen floor and pretended to find his tooth. He was so happy to have his tooth to put under his pillow that night. And I was relieved to not have to rifle through his feces. Pardon me. Oh my word.

No, no one would do that. She's got to be talking nonsense. I went rifle through his feces that evening to find his actual tooth. Oh my God. Oh, Amy and Cork, for god's sake Amy and Cork. For god's sake Amy and Cork. She doesn't mean that, does she? I think she does. I just think, sometimes in life it doesn't go your way.

He swallowed his tooth, there's a life lesson in that. You shouldn't store previous lost teeth in a drawer just in case. Rob, I've just had some bad news. What's that? I've just looked, they've changed the fucking lead on the iPhone. Yes! It's USB-C now. But I haven't got any of them!

They must have given you one. Yeah, I've got one! That's how I found out! But... Are you switching the phones over without it plugged into the mains? The new one's not plugged into the mains. You are one crazy bitch sometimes. What do you mean? No, the old one...

I can't work you out. You are either the most organised little nerd or this sort of like... You're doing that like a junkie would. You've not even plugged it in. What, the new one? Yeah, what happens to the transfer if it runs out of charge? The new one's not. The old one's plugged in and the reason I keep keep, because I've got to plug it in, because I have to keep checking that the plug is still working because it's so tentative. Yeah, but you need to plug in a new one so you're supposed to charge it before you use it.

It was fully charged. It's never fully charged from the factory. You trust in the factory, are you? Yeah, I am trusting the factory. That can't be fully charged. The last time it got charged was when it was made in China. Yeah, but no one's used it since. It was off when I opened it.

Yeah, but a left battery will deplete. Oh, hey. So you've not plugged it in? No, look. An absolute freewheeling legend. Oh, believe you, mate. Don't worry about that. Yeah, it's a new law.

All new electronics have to be USB-C. It's annoying, but once you make the change, it's easier. Fuck's sake. Yeah, yeah. Because I'd say the best life change I've ever made. Go on. And if you can afford to do this, I'd say it say the best life change I've ever made. Go on. And if you can afford to do this, I'd say it's the best 100 pounds I've ever spent.

Okay. I bought a charger for each room. It transformed my life. It transformed your life. Do you know when the last time I needed a charger in the house was? And I was looking for one, Rob. What's that?

2022. So there's one in every room? No, not every room. Just any room that you might charge in. So you're going to have to buy another load? Yeah. Yeah. Of USB-C's?

Yeah. But then you can't plug your headphones into the bottom now anymore. Oh fucking hell! So what am I gonna do? Wireless? No, but my headphone jack's different to my phone jack now. Yeah. You need a new jack. Oh, for fuck's sake!

So now I do have to take two leads whenever I go? Yeah. Oh, what's the point of living? You've got your nice new phone though, with no messages or family photos on anymore. Yeah. Here's something I was planning on doing a stand-up on Rob. Oh, here we go. Yeah? Ready for the Genesis?

Who the fuck wants that Apple sticker? Every time I get a new phone they give me a little sticker with the Apple logo on. Who the fuck is using that piece of shit? Back in the day it was quite exciting I imagine, wasn't it? Yeah. I would get a Samsung but I'd get a free sticker with the Apple phone, so I'll stick on brand. Have you done that at stand-up?

No, I just found it this morning. I think I'm going to do it tonight. I've got a gig. I'll let you know when. I think I need to take the sticker. No, I think taking a sticker may look a bit proppy and needy. A bit desperate. However, you need to write on top of what you may use it for,

who uses it, where you're gonna put it, what you're doing with it. Well, the only person that would use it, Rob, is someone who hasn't got an Apple product that wants to make it look like an Apple product. Yeah, but it never does with a sticker, does it? No. Pencil case, some kids might put it on their school books.

What a fucking loser. No, the kids are losers. Kids are losers. Well, I've got a question on that. Go on. What weird hobby or interest did you have as a kid? Oh, I got really into Limp Bizkit. Did you?

Yeah, I had their three albums. Chocolate Starfish and the Multi-Coloured Water, or whatever it's called. Hot Dog Flavoured Water. Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavoured Water. Yeah. Yeah, that one. Wrestling, I used to go to watch wrestling.

I like wrestling. Yeah. I don't want to say they're too weird. They're a bit like Yeah. Yeah, that one. Wrestling. I used to go to watch wrestling. I like wrestling. Yeah, I don't say they're too weird. They're a bit like sort of niche for my era. Yeah. Football stickers. When I was really always to play of O'Penny. What's O'Penny? O'Penny is like a girl's well was a girl's toy, but you can play of anything now. Obviously. That's right. Obviously. Yeah. Etc, etc. Basically, it was like little figures, plastic figures with like, you could get little farms or a house, but yeah, O'Penny I used to love.

I might get some O'Penny for the kids off eBay. Yeah. Look at that. They'd love it. Yeah. So O'Penny I used to play with, but I don't know if that's that weird football Italia magazines again. I went for a brief period of being into marbles.

Yeah. I think you remember you said, do you have a marbles party or something? Yeah. Also, I had a brief period of being into marbles. Yeah, I think you remember you said. Do you have a marbles party or something? Yeah, yeah. Also I had a brief period of being into Warhammer. Lovely. Yeah, but I don't know if that's weird. Yes it is. Okay, fair enough. No, I don't think it's weird. I think it's weird if someone's like,

what is that? We all know what that is. It's a place of virgins to meet. Well, yeah, rightly so. I was 13. Okay, well. I think it's a bleaker story if I wasn't a virgin. They normally go to church, not Warhammer shops. Yeah. I don't think I did anything too weird, actually. Do send in yours.

Yes, weird things you did as a kid. I used to record VHS of Stand Up from a Matsui Kombi onto MiniDisc and listen to Stand Up when I slept. I videoed the whole of France 98. What VHS tapes? Yeah. Every game? Yeah. That's amazing. Have you still got it? No, I think my dad asked me a few years ago whether I wanted them and I was like, I don't need 50 VHS tapes. This is what annoys me about parents. How bored are they? How little are they doing when they get old to get to a point where they get to a cupboard and go, right, better

sort this out. You're like, have you got nothing else on? My mum sold all my micro-star football bobble heads at the boot sale and I'm still not over it. Oh God. Hundreds of them. That's where this pain comes from. Correspondence me up, Rob. Correspondence you up, there we go. Well, we've got a hamster story,

keeping it on topic after that one. Hi, Rob and Josh, I have a boomer parenting story. When I was around eight, my hamster died. My mum being a boomer and a teacher felt as though she could turn this into a learning experience. She decided to do a Viking burial for the hamster. She put up the paddling pool, built a little raft,

put the hamster on the raft and floated it in the paddling pool before setting fire to the raft and the hamster. This is what Vikings would do. Put on a raft, put out to sea and set fire to the raft and you'd burn in the distance. The problem was there's not enough heat to do this in a true Viking style and all it did was burn the hair off the hamster. Oh my god. Oh my god. Now we had a hairless hamster on a raft bobbing around the paddling pool. Oh my god. I can still see the image of my poor dead hamster bobbing around. Charlotte.

It's not even like the Vikings are great people. I know that parenting just changed but I don't think I've ever thought to burn a hamster to teach my child a lesson about life. No. You could talk about different ways that people would get rid of... I don't think you'd have to show them it. You could go, or we can bury the hamster, or we could do a Viking, make the... If the kids are up for it, it would be quite interesting to hear defences of the Boomer

stories from people involved. Yeah, we will take defences. If you've been mentioned as a Boomer parent on here, I'm sure it's been played to. Please give a right of reply to these sick fucks that raised you, no joking. Cause you also referenced which episode it was said in because we'll never remember it either.

I'm gonna rephrase that, not these sick fucks, I'm gonna say these misunderstood parents had the best of intentions, but maybe didn't play out in the way they hoped. Exactly. Yeah, that's nice of it. Lovely. Do another question? What advice would you give to 16 year old you the best of intentions, but maybe didn't play out in the way they hoped. Exactly. Yeah, that's nice isn't it? Lovely.

Do you have another question? What advice would you give to 16 year old you, or what do you wish you could go back and tell 16 year old you? Oh, okay. Well, I think the boring answer is a 16 year old me wouldn't listen. No.

Isn't it? I'm quite happy with the way things turned out, and so all of the things I did, I learned I learned by living. Do you know what I mean? So any advice? I'd say try not at times to put as much of your happiness onto sports results. Yeah, yeah that's a good one because I think especially 16-year-olds do get, I think I'd probably say just try and keep a lid on the wanking Rob because it's fine, it is fine, we should all be able to explore our bodies but it does get to a point where half terms got really out of hand Josh in about year 9, year 10.

Well 16 that's afterwards so the horse is bowled. Yeah the horse is bowled. Well you know there's loads of things I say of just, it doesn't really matter. Don't worry what people think, ignore all that. But you can't tell people that. People don't think you're reading FHM for the articles. Just so you know, 16 year old Josh. Front magazine is not respected publication for the articles.

Yeah. Okay. But no, I think it shaped me for who I am now. But the thing I was so worked up with, I was so harsh to myself at 16, and I cared so much what everybody thought me, it is total bollocks, so don't. But I could tell them that, but I don't think I would listen. And I think learning and finding out yourself.

I think you've just got to learn through life. Exactly. When my kids get 16, you want to sit them down and go, you got to do this, you got to do that. I'm like, it's brutal, but I think if you get too involved, then they'll never be able to function when they're older. They'll always be looking to the parents and go, what do I do now? What do I do now? Where I think you've got to shut up and trust them to make the right decision. Sometimes they will, sometimes they won't, but your child is just another human and all humans make good

decisions and make bad decisions, but that's life. There we go. Josh, how did you propose to Rose, they want to know, from Emmy? On holiday, our daughter was asleep and we were having drinks by the pool outside the villa that we'd rented in Greece. Lovely. I went down on one knee. I was very nervous. I'd say you don't need to be that nervous, you've already got a kid with them. No, but you're not nervous about them saying no. I hate changing the subject into a conversation.

In general you don't like going off point. You know, no, not off point, as anyone who's listened to this podcast would say, you fucking got a bit rich, didn't it? Yeah, I'm just really disciplined when once I'm on a subject, I stay on it. I hate it when you know, you've got to say something in a conversation, like a big piece of news, you know, like if you've got to tell someone your wife's pregnant or you've got to resign from a job. Yeah. Or you've got to break up with someone.

Yeah. Or you've got to tell someone that you're starting to do stand up or any of these things that you're like, I'm going to tell this person this thing. I find that incredibly stressful. What you chatting about before? Do you remember? Oh, God, my hands going. Why is your hand going? Because you're getting stressed thinking about it. Yeah, I remember going inside. Obviously I'd had to take the ring abroad. So Rose is outside with a glass of wine, I'm assuming just by by the pool, kids asleep, you've gone inside,

she just thinks you're going to toilet, getting a drink or whatever. Your hands are going, you're panicking, you're sweating? I don't know, probably. Then I came out and I remember doing it quite quickly. Because you're like, I can't just, like, I've got a friend who went around someone's house to dump them. Yeah. And he bottled doing it straight away and they ended up watching a whole film together. Propose to me as I'm Rose. No, I'm not going to do that. This is lovely, isn't it? Rose. Well you call each other like honeybuggles or something as well. No we don't call each other honeybuggles. What is it? We don't call each other that. Snugglebuggles? No we don't call each other that. Snugglebuggles? No we don't. What is it? You told me before anyway

it's on record. Go back and listen to the episodes. Yeah, but it's on record, what is it you call each other? Sugar Tits. No, come on. What is it? Putnam. Putnam? Oh, this is lovely out here, isn't it, Putz? Say Putz? Or just Putnam? Oh, it's down to 16 minutes. Is it Putz or Putnam?

It can be either. Putzy? Putzy? So I got down on one knee, and once you're down on one knee that is good You didn't speak you went straight down to one knee and then I proposed and then she said yes What did you say? I just will you marry me nothing else? I don't remember. I don't remember Remember I don't you must know now all I remember is afterwards. We took off our clothes jumped in the pool and made love I don't remember is it afterwards we took off our clothes, jumped in the pool and made love. That didn't happen, that didn't happen.

And then my daughter woke up because she was in a new cot and she had to sleep in between us on our bed. Oh no. There you go. Oh Josh. What a life. Tell me about your proposal. So I booked afternoon tea for Lou at the Dorchester.

She always wanted to have afternoon tea there. Also booked a hotel room at the Dorchester that night. Oh, someone's on a promise. I had to pack a bag for Lou for the next day, which to this day, she said was the worst packed bag she's ever known. She was, there's literally nothing in here that I can wear.

Once I'd done it, we had to go to like Henny's to buy some, and Primark to buy some clothes for us because I would say it was staying over. But you know, it was in Dorchester. I said, Oh, I'll meet you because I've been working loads. I've booked something. So I got picked up in a nice car, dropped off at the Dorchester. I got there really early because I was nervous. I think I've told the story before, right? To buy a champagne and a lube in the Tesco Express. Yeah, I've heard that. Yeah, I've heard that. Yeah. So I got down to one knee and in the little corridor bit, you know, the nice, the promenade is like the fancy bit of Dorchester where they

have afternoon tea. And then she went, what the fuck are you doing? Get up, get up, get up. Because she doesn't like people looking. Oh, God. And then I said, will you marry me? She went, fuck off. Are you joking? I was like, no, it's quite an expensive joke, actually. Oh, God. And then I said, will you marry me? She went, fuck off. Are you joking? I was like, no, it's quite an expensive joke actually. Oh God. And then she said, yes, of course. That was lovely. And then I said, what should we do now? Should we stay here? And she was like, well, no, we've been here ages. I went, no, we should, we could stay here. She went, why? We've had afternoons here. I don't want to stay here for dinner. I was like, no, stay over. Cause she didn't know what I was saying. So then we stayed over and had a lovely evening. And then the room weren't ready.

The room was supposed to be ready at like three o'clock, but it's not really ready till seven, but we can get you a really good upgrade because I paid for like the cheapest room. And they gave us the best upgrade. Mate, this room had a, we went out in it to eight o'clock, but that was fine, because afternoon tea finished at like six and then we went for a walk

and got a bit of dinner, came back. The room had like a dining table in it, and a living room, and a bedroom, and the view over the park, the Hyde Park, which was mental, because I just got the bog standard one, but that's how I did it. Oh, it's a very sweet story. Oh, what a lovely little chat, hey? Look at us. Yeah, what a lovely ending.

Shall we do a small business shout out? Oh, if we're down to four minutes, Rob. What, the charge? Of the transfer. The transfer, oh. So, we're down to four minutes Rob. What of the charge? Of the transfer. The transfer? Oh. So does SIM card not exist anymore? No, you still need a SIM card. I moved it across. Oh, charge. Do I need to do that? Well, yeah, because that's your number. Oh, maybe there's a SIM card in there and it's just transferred across to it.

No, no, the SIM card doesn't take the data that goes onto the phone, but the SIM card's used for your minutes and you like the phone. My minutes? It's not 2001. Yeah, but you can't ring someone without a SIM card. You can Wi-Fi call them. But have I got a new SIM card in there? No, because they don't know I'm with EE. If you just bought a phone from the shop, there won't be a SIM card in it. Yeah, it's not going to... There's not a SIM card in there, so that's a shame. No, no, so you need to put your SIM card in there. I keep getting texts!

On what phone? The new one. There'll be WhatsApps. No, no, you need to put your SIM card in there. I keep getting texts! On what phone? The new one. There'll be WhatsApps. They'll be my first WhatsApps, but I can't look at them because they're still transferring data. Your new phone will get all the stuff you would get on Wi-Fi. Right.

But it won't get normal messages or phone calls. It'll only get like WhatsApp phone calls. Right. So are you 80? Hi Rob and Josh. I've just turned 25 and my parents have taken over my family's small business. Right. So are you 80? Hi Rob and Josh, I've just turned 25 and my parents have taken over my family's small business. 25 years ago they set up a cleaning company called Angels Cleaning in South East London

so that they could work flexibly while raising me. After lockdown they lost a lot of their customers and since then the business has been ticking over. As they are both now focusing on other careers they were going to completely shut it down until I begged them to let me take it over. If anyone in Greenwich, Bexley or Dartford is looking for a regular cleaner or even a one-off deep clean, then they should come to me. We also offer commercial cleaning as well as domestic. Our website is angelspropertycleaning.co.uk where you can book your free initial visit and quote. I've been listening since the first episode came out,

so it'd be very exciting to hear you talk about my business. Thanks, Georgia. There we go. Hi guys, happy new year. Oh dear. Wanted to send a message. I'll ask for a small business shout out for my wife. At Casey's Comforts, now that's spelled with K's,

K-A-S-I-E-S, comforts with a K. She makes keepsakes for parents and family to remember their children's first early clothes. She takes incredible pride in doing it and whilst I'm a bit biased, her work is amazing. She recently had a tough year last year having had surgery on her back, but is back up and running now and ready for 2024.

I've been a massive fan of the podcast for a fair while now. Fair while, come on. Since she started listening last year, it's not unusual to hear her laughing away while sewing and listening to you both. Keep doing what you're doing as the humor helps the way to a freezing early morning train at the minute.

Thanks guys, and all the best 2024. Graham, that is Casey's Comforts. At Casey's Comforts, K-A-S-I-E--S K-O-M-F-O-R-T-S And Rob, I've got four minutes left so let's fuck it off. Fair enough. See you next time. Bye. Bye.