Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP29: The Craic Vac

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond... with Rob and Josh. This week we catch up with some more of your listener questions and correspondence. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with... Rudy, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett.

And can you say Josh Widdecombe? Josh Widdecombe. Well done. Ah, Rudy, like the name Rudy. Yeah, it's good, isn't it? He's two years old. Here's my two-year-old Rudy saying your name. Every time he hears the intro on the pod,

he copies the children and walks around saying, Rob Beckett. Love it. Sorry, Josh. I've been listening from the start. The pod has got me through tough days of parenting a toddler, stay sex and relatable. Ronnie. Ronnie and Rudy love it. Ronnie and Rudy, she's 324 months, she's about 30.

Hello, how are we? Good, right, so this is we're doing a little correspondent special because we've been blubbering on too much. But before that, we were talking about when we got new glasses. And like a lot of people, we've got a funky pair that we got carried away with in the glassy shop and we don't really wear them. So we're wearing them today.

Well, let's discuss before. I don't think mine are funky, I've realized. Mine just look like my normal ones, but with thicker frames. So this could be really underwhelming. Yeah, mine just look like my normal ones with thinner frames. Right, okay, yeah.

Should we do one at a time just to string it out? Yeah, you go first. Okay, I put them on this morning. I thought I quite like these. Yeah, yeah. So we do one at a time just to string it out. Yeah, you go first. Okay, I put them on this morning. I thought I quite like these. Yeah. Okay. So there's me. Oh, they're fucking disgusting. No, I like it. It's quite good, isn't it? I like them.

Yeah. Quite learned. They're very Harry Potter-y. They are very Harry Potter-y, aren't they? Yeah. I think they make you look richer and posher in quite a good way. Do you know what I mean?

Not in a don't like you way, but you just look like, it's quite effortlessly, like I hear my glasses. Hey. Yeah. Maybe I should wear them a bit more. I like them. I really like it. I think they make you look more grown up,

because you can look like a boy a bit, can't you? You've got very sort of young features. Despite doing Gabby Logan. Oh, shit, I haven't replied to Gabby Logan. Oh, no. What the hell will we do? Will the world stop spinning? Joshua comes and replied to Gabby Logan. Reply to her now. What is your message?

She sent me some dates. She's getting some free promo. 9th of May, 28th of May. I could do the 9th. Right. Josh, I don't think we should be booking another podcast live on ours. I mean, if this has made the cut, I don't know what else we set the box on.

But I like your glasses. Thank you. Thank you. I think you could definitely get away with them. Do you want to see mine? Let's have a look at yours. So these are the Tom Davis ones. Well, yeah, the sort of thicker framed ones. Yeah.

There you go. Oh, I like them. Do you? They do work. Yeah, because I was expecting you to look like like Heston Blumenthal. They're just, they're really big. They are big, aren't they?

They're really chunky. They are chunky. Heavy. They work. They're not too big for your face. Yeah, that's because I've got a big- I thought it was going to look like you were kind of... Like Andy Oliver.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like Andy Oliver. They were huge. So, yeah, I didn't want to look like I had big sort of like more female sunglasses on, but they're quite... I quite like them, actually. Because I think Andy Oliver's got the style to pull them off. I'd say if you had to pick someone that was the complete opposite of me

in every department in the looks category, it would be Andy Oliver. It would be Andy Oliver, yeah. Yeah. If you had to pick someone that was the complete opposite of me in every department in the looks category, it would be Andy Oliver. It would be Andy Oliver, yeah. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha. A shaven-headed black lady, I would say, is as far away as you can get from Rob Beckett.

That gap in her teeth is... Even the gap in the teeth is different. I think we could have been more different. But we got on, and that's what the world's about, yeah? So I think we've both taken a small step in the exciting directions. Yes, exciting directions. Neither of us have plunged right in.

I'm going to wear these and see how I get on. I'm going to wear them for the rest of the day. I really like yours. Do you think? You look like a writer. No, don't do that. Don't do that little face. I think I prefer them.

I think your other ones are sort of, we've both gone for safe ones. You go for your safe little brown sort of grey band. Well, I think what I want to be doing is mixing it up. So, you know, one day I wear jeans, one day I wear chinos, often I wear shorts. I want to be doing that with glasses. And every day you're heading to exciting. Exactly. Who am I today?

I'm Chino Josh. Yeah. In fact, who am I for the next hour? Maybe I'll change my glasses for this meeting. It might be a meeting. Not this. I meant meeting if I was just playing a role. Right. Okay. So if he was in a meeting. I'm like, oh, I've got a Zoom meeting with my agent. I'll put on my, what was it? Rich and posh glasses.

Yeah, rich and posher glasses. Yeah. So they know that I'm in biz. Yeah, fair enough. I don't think I'll wear my richer and posher glasses with my agent. I don't think he'd like it. No.

He'd probably drop me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Anyway, how are you, Josh? Anything to go through before we do a bit of correspondence? I've got a couple of little bits, but. Go on, talk to me. I'll talk to you. Right, so I saw some of the most extreme

getting ready for school prep I've ever seen. OK, so you know, sometimes when I take my kids swimming, for example, I might put their costume on underneath the top and trousers so that when we get to, they literally just take that off and the knickers are in the bag already to change into after to speed. Yeah. Do you ever do that?

Yeah. Yeah, speeding things up. Sometimes they ask our kids to be sent in their PE kit if they've got PE in the day. Yeah. I saw a young girl be dropped off at school at 8am with a full uniform on and swimming cap. What? Come on now. What? Like the rubber... The rubber cap on. The rubber cap on. And just normal uniform. I imagine it must be the first

lesson. Well, you've got to take all your stuff over the head, which is potentially going to catch, because that's a rubbery cap, right? Yes, absolutely. It's a roncil. It says it on the tin. It's a rubbery cap. Surely that's just right for bullying, right? Well, yeah, but maybe. I was thinking maybe it's like a swim meet or gala or something. And if you've got a lot of hair, could she have been swimming before school? I think that's more weird, isn't it? To get changed and dry. No, no, sorry. No, no, no, no, no.

I don't mean leave it on. I mean, could she have been doing it? She was going straight in. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Maybe it was like that she was straight into a club before school. But yeah, I've just never seen a swimming cap on and full uniform before. No. But maybe she was going straight in,

like from the car to the changing rooms, swimming costume in. Yeah. So that must have been what it was. But it was quite a shock, especially when it's early. You've got a coffee, you start to think you're hallucinating. Maybe she hates putting the cap on herself. I don't know. I think everyone falls into weird little idiosyncrasies with their kids

that only when someone from the outside says something, you're like, that is odd, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. A bit odd what's going on there. Yeah. I remember as an adult, my mum peeled my brother's prawns for him. And I was like, sure, when you're five, not now. He disputes this and it's a long waged argument in our family, but he's a sort of baby, the youngest. Right, yeah, yeah.

I think sometimes parents struggle to let go of the youngest with certain things. Yes, yes. Because it's their last chance at... Peeling a prawn. It's their last chance to peel a prawn. I told you I peeled Alex Brooker's prawns, didn't I, in Australia? Have I told you this?

No, why were you in Australia with Alex Brooker? I was hosted on a show, Get Me Out Of Here Now. He came on, which to this day is the greatest gig I told you this. No, why were you in Australia with Alex Brooker? I was hosted, I'm going to get me out of here now. He came on, which to this day is the greatest gig that TV ever offered anyone. So I was out there hosting. It was different times money-wise, wasn't it Rob? This is the gig.

Josh, do you want to do this, okay? Monday morning, you get picked up in a car and get taken to Heathrow and you fly business class on Emirates where there's a bar on the plane to Australia and then you stay in a hotel on the beach with a pool for three days. Yeah. Yeah, three or four days. I can't remember what it was. And then you have two days to settle in. Insane. Because you've flown to Australia. Then you'll go on the TV show for two nights.

Yeah. Sometimes three nights. And you get paid for this, by the way, as well as all the... Yeah. As you get a decent fee for this. And then your pickup would be 5.30 AM, right? In Australia, Australian time, because it's done so it's on nighttime in England. You go in, you sit in makeup, get a bit of breakfast brought to you. Then you go and sit on a chair.

There's an hour long show for seven minutes of it. They say to you, what'd you think of the show? And you chat amongst the team. Then at 7 a.m., you all get in a car, go back to the hotel for the day. That is insane. What a gig. So he was out there doing that, my hours were longer.

Because I watched that, when he was on it, and he did a VT with you. VT is TV speak guys for a film something film something. Video tape. Does it stand for a space video tape something else? Yeah, videotaping. Yeah, we're going to videotape something now everybody. And he did a VT with you where he drunk some of the things that were like, you know, they do? And I thought, fucking Elbrooker, you don't have to do that. You're not doing the show. Now I understand. He was on the absolute jolly of a lifetime.

He had to drink a few of those things just to make it feel like it was worth the job for them. And then we'd just sit around the pool all morning and then we'd go to bed a bit earlier for the people hosting it. Anyway, I went for lunch with him. Oh, it was a different time. It was a different time. Money wise. Anyway, we went for lunch with him. It was a different time. Money wise. Anyway, we went to lunch together. He ordered some prawns.

It weren't happening. So give him here. Give him here, Alex. I had a big discussion with my daughter last night about Alex Brooker. Oh, yeah. I was talking about how going to the Paralympics. Yeah. And then I explained what the Paralympics was. Yeah. And then we had a long discussion about disability, which was quite interesting actually. Because you suddenly, it's like quite interesting

to explain it to a child, why someone doesn't have a leg or why someone... Isn't funny. Why someone isn't funny. I'm joking, I love Alex. He's not actually a comedian, he won a competition. That's the thing, I think Alex, the problem with Alex is, he's such a comedian. He won a competition. That's the thing, I think Alex, the problem with Alex is he's such a normal guy and just

so chilled. He's an indenial inspiration. Yeah. Because he's so normal with it and he's so non-preaching, non-look what I've done. Just him by being on the telly and also playing in soccer, like him playing in soccer aid and the young kids with disabilities watching that. I don't think he realizes the impact he has, to be honest.

It's more impressive than one of One Direction playing. I'd say it's more impressive, but I'd say the crowd would still be more excited if Harry Styles was there, no matter how inspiring. Yeah, but who's the one from One Direction that does it? Is it Liam Payne? Liam Payne, I think, yeah. Yeah.

Robbie Williams described Alex as his favourite ever player in soccer aid. To Alex, he'd probably just go in around. Talking bollocks. Yeah. No, Alex is far more inspirationally-oriented. I keep saying to him, write a fucking book, mate. Yeah. You're a journalist and you've got the most insane story.

You're a guy born who spent like 10 years in and out of Great Ormond Street. And then you kind of made that work. And then at the age of 25, you entered a Channel 4 competition, thinking you'd get a week's work. And you fucking ended up on live TV for 12 years. And counting. And counting. And you haven't written a fucking book about

it mate. You know how many boring c****s have written books, two of them are sitting right now. F***ing hell mate. That's why I love him because he doesn't do that, he just gets shitfaced and does the Mars singer. I'm gonna go Arsenal go on the piss and do the Mars singer. That's my legacy. Good on him. Australia for four days getting Beckett to peel his brawns. Good man. Oh, he needs to do a live standup show as well, just to tell his story. He's got all these fucking apron girls. He's too busy fucking in a Huddersfield putting up his Christmas decorations

in the middle of October. Are you saying though, the last leg has enabled people with disabilities, too many opportunities and they're actually being quite lazy about it. The legacy of 2012, he doesn't realize how good he's got it. Oh, let's move on from Brooker. Right, some correspondence. Here we go. Here we go.

Horrible draft. Never felt so seen with the random alarm names. This is where, this is the labeling of your alarm. So I still get woken up by my alarm that says, take the fall off the turkey from Christmas. This is Nicole, 29, free and childless from Lincoln. He said, my day-to-day alarm is stuffing in. It was also from Christmas dinner. Get that cleared up. Yeah.

Just from on Saturday night. Yeah. Christmas dinner is like- Oh, it's a stressful time, isn't it? But like, my friend John, who's very good at cooking, he sent me a photo or something like, of the day before Christmas, and he literally had like the times of all the things written

like down of what was going. So it's like a kind of there's this insane timetable over five hours. This has to go in there. This has to come out. This has to go in there. This has to. You don't get out with a fucking lasagna, mate. Get in half an hour before you're done. Well, no matter what you do to it, be like, no one wants it. Get it out raw.

Just you scooping it up onto your shit plate. I regret not asking Andy Oliver what she thought about a vegetable lasagna for Christmas. I'm sure you'll speak to her again. Ask Abby Logan what she thinks. Okay. So we've got another alarm on here, Josh, as well. Hopefully you appreciate this one, Rob.

My next alarm on my list is called Guardians of the Galaxy. Oh, queuing for tickets? Yeah, Rob. My next alarm on my list is called Guardians of the Galaxy. Oh, queuing for tickets? Yeah, well, a hangover from Disney World 2022 reminded us to sign up for Fast Track. Certain tickets go available and you can virtually queue, I think there's loads of different things you can do. There's always different names for it.

Love you, bye, Nicole. That was Nicole there. What did she say? Love you, bye. Love you, bye. That's nice. Why do you like people to sign off their emails and just as if it's like someone you are really close to and love? Love you bye. That's nice. Why do you like people to sign off their emails and just as if it's like someone you are

really close to and love. Love you. I say love you a lot. I say love you a lot to my kids. Sometimes I'm gonna have to bleep this but sometimes I if I'm ringing some of my mates a bit more laddy. Yeah. I got as it going you see like. Yeah. Yeah. That's fine. That's fine. I like that. I don't mind that. Yeah. But some people do mind that. When I've come from home into the TV world, which is what happens with lockdown, I did Big Fat Quiz of the Year and I was a bit more... Big Fat C*** of the Year.

Oh, we didn't have any cat food in this morning, Rob. Alright. And I was the only one here. Tinatuna, that's my go-to. How long can a cat go without food? Fucking ages. Yeah, that's what I thought, yeah. How long has it been? No, I've been out since. That's only this morning.

Yeah, but I got her. The first thing I do is feed the cat, and she's looking at me like, why the fuck aren't you doing this? And there's no way for me to, she doesn't understand when I'm going- Yeah, but Josh, you're acting like you've forgotten for a week.

I'm sure she's gonna survive four hours. I know, but she's just looking at me and I'm like, I can't communicate to her. The reason I'm not doing this. What did you give her? I went out in the end. But do you ever, if I'm in a rush, do you ever just do the catatuno?

I feel like it's a little treat for them. Yeah, that's a good one actually. I should have done that. Because if you've normally got it in for you or the kids. Yeah. I go with baked beans on toast, haven't I? She will drink from my water. Yeah, I don't done that. Because if you've normally got it in for you or the kids. Yeah. I go with baked beans on toastie, haven't I? She will drink from my water. Yeah, I don't like that.

I think you're a bit too close to your cat. And then I'll happily drink it, Rob. That is disgusting. No, it's fine. That's nearly as bad as your new glasses. And what's wrong with that? What's wrong with a cat drinking your water, then you will drink it? You might as well drink from a fucking vase.

We're friends. You're friends with its asshole. That's what you're friends with, after it licks it. The cats literally lick their assholes clean. And that same tongue is going in your drink. Get some more water! What is this? Tongue's not going direct from the ass to drink. It's going back in the mouth, it's cleaning off, and then it's going barely in the water. Absolutely. I'm getting such a small percentage of asshole.

Absolutely not. You're getting such a small percentage of asshole. Absolutely not. You're getting such a huge percentage of asshole. You don't know what else is going on in that cat's mouth. He's got the dirty food, he's licking his asshole. God knows what he's licking and eating outside. And it licks the dirt off his body. Yeah, it's the cleanest of all the... Yeah, but the mouth ain't clean.

Of course it is the cat. The body's only clean because the mouth's cleaning it. I'm going to have to bring Michael in on this and double check existing. Michael, your view on drinking water cats licked out. Oh, absolutely not. I think it's one of the worst things I've ever heard. Oh, come on. This is going to go viral. You're going to be on the Daily Mail now. And they're going to go, why in the video were both of them wearing funny glasses?

Mid-sketch, it seems, from their wacky costumes. Now that is unacceptable, Josh. That is bad. Right. Well, I think we'll do a vote on our Instagram. I don't think we need to. Even if you think it's okay, you're not going to click. Yes.

It's going to be a daily little secret. Maybe I'm just free and easy. I think you're disgusting. I think that's what it is. Now that is rotten. Josh, come on. Okay, come on. Give me another one. Do you know that we've got some questions here, Rob? Do you know other podcasts, right? Yeah. They'll do one episode a week of questions. Really? So Lily Allen and Makita Oliver are doing a one episode a

week questions and so are Richard Osman and Marina Hyde. Right. And the Mitch and Marina Hyde ones. What do they talk about? To be fair, they're really interesting because they're all weird little stuff about TV. I think we're giving out some crazy stuff about TV actually. About the, I'm a celeb job. Exactly, stuff like that.

So it was like, what are the most pointless meetings you've ever had? Do you want me to do that? I can answer that. Yeah, yeah, go on. When I first started comedy, when you do certain competitions, they make you sign stuff and some of it was quite sneaky. DVD was the biggest thing ever. So I did a competition that I won, but by winning, and because it was sponsored by Channel 4, I had to have my first meeting

about a DVD with Channel 4. Right. And that basically, they could hold that over so when you got big, you could do your meeting. So anyway, I'd won the competition, I only had five minutes. So I thought, well, if I get rid of this now, they can't hold me to it later on. So I just emailed when I could have a meeting about the DVD. And they were sort of like, okay, and I come in and I just sat there and I was like, Yeah, well, I had to do one and we're not ready. Yeah, and okay, then. And I left and that was me. There was a completely

pointless meeting. I was like, Yep, cool. That's done. I just sort of logged it had happened. Yeah. But then DVD died off anyway, so no problemo. Oh my God. Different time, different time. So they do questions. Would you want a question then? I can do your question. How pathetic was that? I can do questions about telling.

Yeah, yeah. Richard Osmond's answering it, isn't it? Yeah. He actually helped me get my first job. We went off to Ricky's. Did he? Yeah, I'm a celebrity job, yeah. I was up against a few other people

and he was away filming with the commissioner and she asked his opinion on who should do it and he suggested me out of the people. Richard Osmond is a huge fan of you. He described you and Katherine Ryan as the only two comedians he's ever seen who arrived fully formed. Wow.

There you go. Well, I'll take that as a massive compliment from, and also fellow ThickSpec crew. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Big other fix specs, me, Tom Davis, Ramesh, Richard Osborne, Andy Oliver, fix spec. You are both football fans. What is your ultimate comedian only five a side team? Does that mean in terms of football skill or in terms of comedians? Well, let's do both from comedy. So my, I've got to put ourselves in, it's no point not being in it. Yeah, and then the other three.

Four. Oh, I thought we were in the same team. No, you're not in my team. Look mate, as much as series linking BBC News is great, I wouldn't put it in the Billy Connolly bracket, yeah? Oh, I thought we were doing it on football skills, mate. Yeah, yeah, he can play. Well, let's see it on football skills because that makes more sense. But the best players I've seen, well, Noel Fielding is really good.

Yeah, Russell Howard's good, isn't he? Yes, I'd say... Terry Alderton. He's a very good goalkeeper. Do you know who was, I've never seen play, but who played almost professionally was Bradley Walsh. Yeah, he was a good footballer. Well, I play comedians football. So Chris Martin, not that one, another one, Joe Boar, Matt from Late Night Gimp Fight, they are exceptional. They're

probably not as well known as people like Noel Fielding and Russell Howard, but they're really good players. But yeah, Chris Martin, Joe Boar, Matt, it was his good. Louis McQueen's quite a good footballer. And then... Can I ask a question on your favorite comedians for other sides? Who are your favorite ever comedians? Like when you were growing up? I know this is a boring question,

but I think people are quite interested in that kind of thing. Well, Billy Connolly, Richard Pryor. I used to love Eddie Murphy until I saw Richard Pryor. And I was like, oh, you know, I love Eddie Murphy, but Richard Pryor is the top dog in the, so Pryor, Billy Connolly. So I absolutely love them.

And then when I saw Peter Kaye, yeah. And then Alan Davis, I absolutely got obsessed with them. He loved Alan Davis, didn't you? I absolutely loved Alan Davis because he grew up in a very similar world to me. That's sort of Kent, London, Essex, London, Boulder. And he was just talking about normal stuff because his life was fairly mundane. Did you have that DVD called Urban Trauma? Urban Trauma and Live With The Lyric.

I watched it so much and people turned up late and he bored them out. Loved it. So I'd say Billy Connolly, Richard Pryor are the top two. And then I watched them first. And then when I saw Alan Davis and Peter Kay, that was mind blowing. Cause I'm like, oh my God, if I want to do it, I can do it and then when I saw Alan Davies and Peter Kay, that was mind blowing because I'm like, oh my God, if I want to do it, I can do it and talk about normal stuff.

Yeah. You're watching Richard Pry going, I haven't got many stories about my mum being a prostitute. Yeah, because my mum hadn't told me she was at that point. And you could only play for what you know. Loads of stuff about my dad as a sex worker. You know, I mean, yeah, it was a taxi driver. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was the original fake taxi. He was like taxi, but he used to sit in the back before they started asking women to do it. He basically just a sucker for places to use his cab quite a lot.

Got the act to do what you had to do back in the day. I mean, he's hardly had to make ends meet. Yeah. Not telling the tax man. Fuck it. So who would you be awful? It's almost your Mount Rushmore, isn't it? I was obsessed with Skinner and Baddiel. I was obsessed with it.

I love them. And when I found out they lived together in real life, I used to like, just think about what it'd be like to live with Skinner and Baddiel in a real life. The bad thing is now knowing them, probably awful. LAUGHING Love them both. It'd be an ends, wouldn't it? Yeah, no. LAUGHING

I got a Frank Skinner video, VHS, for Christmas. Yeah. When I was 14, 15, maybe? Don't know. And obviously, we'd watched him. My parents loved comedy as well. I think that might be one of the reasons. So, we'd watch Fantasy Football League and we'd watch The Frank Skinner Show and all this. And then we got, I said, can I have that standard BHS for Christmas? Got it. Man, it was so blue. It was unbelievable.

Yeah. It's great, wasn't it? He had this bit where he's like, it's difficult for me to do observational comedy because I'm so famous. I can't go, you know when you're ushering a girl out your hotel room and she turns to you with the condom and says, can you sign this? And he goes, I didn't sign it. Didn't want to get shit on my biro. Watching this with my parents. That's a great joke. But it was so blue, just so much stuff that I didn't really even understand at that stage. No, you were doing it, but you didn't know it was called anal.

I didn't know it was called anal. I just thought I was a laugh. I just thought I was riffing. Just exploring myself. Exactly. The body is there to be enjoyed. But Dylan Skinner. Harry Hill.

Harry Hill. I loved Harry Hill. TV Burp or his stand up. His stand up. I had all the stand up VHS's and then what else would I watch that was like, like I watched everything, but it was stuff like The Royal Family. I fucking loved Carolina Hearn and The Royal Family. That was fucking great.

And The Fils and Horses, The Offy, Archridge. Oh man, The Fils and Horses. Oh my God. It was a great time, Rob. That was fucking great. Only Fools and Horses, The Off-Field, Artridge. Oh, my God. It was a great time, Rob. It was a great... Bottom, oh, Bottom, Rick Mann and Edmondson. They used to do the dance with my brother. What we watched as young kids was totes... Yeah, the fast show was great.

I'm annoyed by my daughters watching Iacali. I was watching Bottom. Ha! It's mental what we were watching. Like, it was insane. So much of it was so good. And then Tiffany and EastEnders getting killed and stuff like that. Sorry if you're only catching up everyone.

Oh my God. It was just a great time. Anyway, great times. That's my fire side team. Right. Give us another email. You missed one, didn't you? You only had Harry Hilberdue and Skinner.

I'd have French or Saunders. You can have both as a doublet. OK. I'll let you do that. They'd be tied together. Yeah, but put them in goal, tied up. I wouldn't tie up French and Saunders in goal. That would be...

The only women that we've picked you've tied to the goalposts. That was, should I just say is, who's your favourite comedian, Zoe Williams? And there was a five aside one, and I can't remember who said it, but thank you for the questions. Do you want Boomer stories or questions? What do you want here? Boomer story always. Now some of these boomer stories are veering into the world of?

Abuse. Yeah, quite bad treatment of children. Hang on, here we go. My husband, 480 mums, recently spoke to his mum about a concert he attended when he was six. His mum and her best friend had tickets to a Bobby Brown concert in London in the business for 480 months. Recently spoke to his mum about a concert he attended when he was six. His mum and her best friend had tickets to a Bobby Brown concert in London in the early 90s. His mum couldn't find a babysitter,

so instead they locked him in the car in the venue car park. No, no, no. I mean, I suppose Bobby Brown's done worse. But... Yeah, but I don't mean that. I've got all the time I'm going to watch the Ted Bundy film. Don't worry about the kids. He's done a lot worse.

Locked him in the car. Did they crack the window? They left him with drinks and snacks. Initially his mum declined. This ever happened. But recently she said, yes, it happened. But don't worry. We left for a cigarette break every half an hour

and came back to check on you. Oh my God. C6 Relatable, love the pod. Although I listen at the gym and laugh out loud, so look mental to others. What would you do? I mean, if I saw a child in a car park, I'd ring the police immediately.

I mean, no, no, no, sorry. I mean, if you're the kid, you've got snacks and drinks, but that's two hours, three hours. Well, where's the line? Cause I leave my kids in the car, locked in to go and pay for petrol. Do you?

This is a slippery slope? I never know what the deal is with this. Well, I think now they're eight and six, so it's fine. But when they were little babies, it was a bit like, oh, should I get them out and bring them in because they'd get upset? You basically not know what the deal is until you get to a point you think, fuck it, I'm sure it'll be fine. I've basically got to the point where I go, I just always try and get petrol, there's

no kids, so that I don't have to take on that decision. Yeah, because also they want to go in and buy snack, you end up spending another 10 quid, don't you? Yeah, the price of petrol station crisps. We need to talk about the size of a grab bag. Oh, why can't you get normal size crisps bags anymore? Oh, no. So this is what's happened, Josh, right?

You get the ginormous one, it's basically four packs of crisps, it's like three quid, yeah? Or now, remember grab bags used to be bigger than normal size? Yeah. I don't know what's happened, but McCoy's grab bags, okay yeah, and that's right, I'm naming and shaming you McCoy's. Yeah.

It's called grab bag, but now it's a normal size bag that we used to have when we were kids, right? But it's still called grab bag, there's about 25 grams of crisps in there, and it's same price as the original grab bag. Well, do you know what, Rob? I take that because sometimes I just want a normal bag of crisps. I can't fucking get it. Yeah, I know, but they should be charging more.

And also Josh, it's some fucking fried potato. How much money are they making? How much is a bag of crisps these days without coming across as an out of touch politician? It could literally be anything from 60p to about £3.80. It's gone mental. It's almost like surge pricing on Uber. I don't understand the prices anymore. This is the problem with crisps, Rob. It's... what? What are you looking at? McCoys on the internet. Sorry, you can see me zooming in. I can see you leaning in. Grab bag 45 grams on Tesco is a quid, right? But then if you meal deal it up, but they're smaller.

Grab bags used to be massive. What does grab bag even mean? Every bag's a grab bag if you're picking it up. I know, Rob, I know. You have to pick it at speed. Whoa, whoa, wait, you can't delicately pick that up. It's a grab bag. Go at it like a thirsty, hungry lizard.

If you had the options, would you buy a bigger bag than the normal bag? I want the old small bag. For the old price. Not even the old price. I get that the, but for a reasonable, I don't want a big, massive bag that's gonna make me fat. I just want a couple of little crispies

while I'm at the gym. Because that's the other thing. When you buy them for your kids, you're like, this is fucking mental, the size of this crab bag. Yeah, they're bigger than their head. Yeah. I'm glad we agree, Josh.

Yeah. It's gone too far. The world's gotta stop. Yeah. So don't get it, crab bag. And who are these sick fucks eating Thai sweet chicken chili? Yeah, oh, it's horrible.

What the fucking hell is that flavor? What's your favorite flavor, Crisp? Here we go. I think we've done this before. When the size and the price is reasonable, I'm a McCoy's flaming steak guy. Oh, yeah, yeah. Or a Pringles barbecue. Yeah, I think we have done this.

Yeah, sorry. Fucking hell, what a life. Right, do you want another boomer? Let's hope this one might be a bit more fun and not childs being kidnapped. I mean, I loved it, I'll be honest. The child survived. Imagine if they didn't and we read it out. Yeah. Oh, it's a laugh.

But it was a great gig. Bobby Brown was on great form. Good to be on the right side of history for your parenting and music choice. Exactly. Well, I once tied my child to a fence when I went and watched a Lawrence Fox speech. They had snacks and drinks.

Here we go. I'm 39. At the start of the nineties was when I really got into football. My family have a long history of supporting West Bromwich Albion in my street. However, around this time, almost all the kids I played football with supported Manchester United. The prospect of having his first born as a glory hunter clearly chilled my dad to the bone. So he planned some preventative measures. One day after my weekly swimming lesson, my dad sat me down in the canteen

with a tray of chips and casually asked, is there anything better than the food after swimming when you're a kid? That is crisped out of it. There we go, there we go. It's Peter Kay. Anyway, a tray of chips and casually asked, have you heard what Man United have been caught doing, Gary?

Oh, oh. He's smearing them, I think, Josh. Here what Man United have been caught doing, Gary? He's smearing them, I think, Josh. Here we go. I replied innocently, no. My dad then proceeded to tell me that every time I watched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Ghostbusters, right at the end of the cartoon, a quick flash of the Man United badge is put on screen. So quick, it goes unnoticed to the naked eye, but is in fact imprinted on children's brains. Wow. Man United are currently brainwashing all the children in the country. This is why all my friends support Man United.

That is incredible. It's so weird, isn't it? He delivered this in such a straight manner that my 10-year-old brain was absolutely convinced. I thought, what a bunch of absolute mugs. Ha ha ha ha ha! Un ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I asked him not long ago if he ever remembers telling me this, and he said, yes, best bit of parenting I ever did. Brilliant. Brilliant. The irony here is I was the one being brainwashed,

putting it on the record. I'm grateful for it. Cheers, Gary. West Brom fan and father of two, three, who also hate Man United. In a way, I agree with that because when the team wins, you are brainwashed. You're brainwashed by glory. Yeah. And when you're in West Brom and your team's not doing great, and you put the telly on a Man United win in the treble

and all that, it's hard not to support them. Exactly. Do you know what? Fair play. Maybe his methods are wrong, but I don't even know if his method. Yeah, he did lie to his child and completely win something. A bit of fun. A Man United fan. No one likes Man United today. No, exactly. Even Man United fans don't really like them. Exactly. Every Man United fan regrets the decision to support Man United. Well because what happened was they glory hunted them in the 90s and now they're 47 and driving from Surrey to Manchester to watch them get beat every week. Exactly.

It's a great drive when you're winning the league. Exactly. Do you want to do some questions, Josh? Yeah, here's a question for you. And us, all of us. Come on. We all know being a parent is amazing, but what do you miss most about your life

before you had kids from Kate Dudman? Oh, it's almost the thing I love most and hate most about being a parent. Not hate is a strong word, but- Is it the mornings? Yeah, no, the morning you sort of get used to. But what I love most is there is structure of anchored into the ground in an area where the kids go to school. Yeah. And we're

building loads of traditions and structure and we do this. My girls sort of a really fun Easter game where like from the top of the stairs on the landing, someone lays on the hallway, and we drop Maltesers from the stairs and has to land in our mouths. And they came up with the name of themselves, they call it our Malt-Easter tradition. Oh, no, I see. All that little stuff is all what I love. But also having that anchor means that if me and Lou just wanted to go and live in New

York for two years, or we wanted to go travel around Mexico for six months, it's not possible. And you do miss out on opportunities from a personal and career point of view. However, that's what I miss is that freedom to just go, right, let's just go here for however long we want. Yeah. We're tied to school holidays and stuff because the kids come first. But that is also what I love about it the most. The way we're balancing that up is we had kids fairly young really for this generation.

You're going to go fucking mental in your 50s. Mate, yeah, when I'm 50s, I'm going to go off the chain. I might do heroin. And you miss heroin the most. Yeah, I just will not miss it. I've never done it. But yeah, I think that is the thing I miss. The opportunity to do heroin.

Yes. No, not forget heroin. That was a throwaway comment because basically I was being quite sincere and I remembered I was a comic and I panicked. Okay, Josh? I panicked. But yeah, I think that's for and I remembered I was a comic and I panicked. And hey, Josh, I panicked. But yeah, I think that's for me is the thing that has pros and cons. It's not anything, you know? Yeah.

I would say, do you know what it is? This is just maybe because it occurred yesterday. Yeah. I really miss the gap between the end of doing stuff in the day and if I've got a gig in the evening, the ability to do nothing then. Yes. Last night, I was like, I've got to go out at half six

and I finished doing my stuff at five. I needed a break and that is the filling in just sometimes some gap to just stare at television. I never get that anymore. That is so important, that gap of quiet and being alone that doesn't exist. Yeah, being alone is what I miss. But I was thinking about,

cause it's the same with morning. It's like, right, here we go, we're fucking off. But I love the mornings with my kids and I look forward to waking up with them. So it's like you. It's almost like the best thing about it, which is that they're there in the morning. It's also the bit where you go, fucking hell, I wouldn't mind just easing into the day by

drinking a cup of tea and looking at my phone. Do you know what I mean? Also, do you know what? I love holidays with the girls now, where when they were really young, it was quite a challenge. That's what we've said in our book that I really don't think you should bother going away anywhere expensive or on a plane till they're about four, because you can save your money up and go somewhere amazing. I have little mini breaks in the UK just to get away or whatever, or go and visit friends. But now they're eight and six, even at that age, they are so excited for holiday. They carry their bags, they can sort their own iPad.

They're sort of on their own holiday, looking after themselves a little bit. Yeah. And holidays are so fun now because it's just four people that are, and they bring so much joy and they're so excited. I think actually it gets a point where like when it's just me and Lou, we'll just be like, I would just go there. Yeah. Okay. Then we'd sit at dinner going. Yeah, do you have a good day just around the pool? Yeah. You know, I mean, it

doesn't last the thing isn't it? It's like, it's this thing where you go like, I want my bedroom back. But actually, I do quite like it when my daughter sleeps in our room. Do you know what I mean? A bit of quiet and a bit of freedom. Don't spend your life thinking the grass is greener. No, because also, I'd probably go to New York with Lou and sit there and go, what the fuck, we come here. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I know I need a bit of structure. I need to be anchored in somewhere. Yeah. I'm not me anymore, am I?

I don't know who I am. What am I? Where are we? What are we doing? Yeah. That's a good question, that. Good question. Oh, this is a good one. Someone said about the word mood hoover for people that kill the vibe a bit or drain the energy out of the room. In Ireland, they call it the crack vac. That's good. Was that a laugh or yawn? Both. Good. I'm being so funny, you're getting tired. That's why I took from that. I like the crack vac. The crack vac. Obviously, it does sound like something, you know,

sex thing. Some sex thing. Yeah. Someone's sucking something out of a bummer or something. Yeah, yeah. The crack vac. But it's spelt C-R-A-I-C as in the Irish of the crack of the crack, which is a laugh. Yeah, the crack back love it. Any more of those sounds that we'll gladly receive. Right. Some parenting hats and tips sleepover disaster, sleepover disaster, sleepover, instant regret stories. Oh, this is good. Go sleepover and then instant regret. Yeah, yeah, do that. Hi,

both my sleepover disaster. My eldest son was about seven or eight and going on his first sleepover at a friend's house. There were about four or five other kids also sleeping over. Dropped him off after school, all fine. Went home and busied myself for the usual tea and bedtime routine for my two younger ones. And to be honest, didn't think much further

about the eldest one who was safely at his sleepover. Was woken up around 2 a.m. by the doorbell ringing repeatedly. In an absolute panic, I looked at my mobile next to my bed, which had about 10 missed calls from the sleepover mum showing. I immediately thought something terrible must have happened, threw on a dressing gown and ran downstairs.

Sleepover mum was at the door. Don't panic, but he's been throwing up for the last hour. Oh my God. Poor eldest son was sitting in the car and his PJs puking into a mixing bottle. Oh my God. Oh God. There'd been a vomiting bug going around the class in the last week and my son had woken up in the middle of the night. Oh, poor kid puked all over the sleepover mum's sitting room

carpet and then continued throwing up for an hour while she tried to get a hold of me. Oh, this poor kid. This is awful. This is the ice cream. Especially your first one and being at someone's house. Anyway, she gave up calling and drove him back home in the middle of the night. She couldn't get hold of me. My mobile had been next to my bed, but on silent so I didn't hear any calls. And she didn't have our landline number.

I spent the rest of the night lying on the floor of my eldest son's bedroom while he threw up every half an hour or so. Oh my. Poor sleepover mum. Her sleepover mum's got a full name. Poor sleepover mum had to go back home to clean her carpet. And both she and her husband ended up catching the sick bug. Oh, fuck it out.

Along with several of the other sleepover attendees. Oh my God. I was absolutely horrified that I didn't answer the phone with several of the other sleepover attendees. Oh my God. I was absolutely horrified that I didn't answer the phone and never been able to sleep soundly when one of the kids is out at sleepover since. Oh, it gets worse. No. Sleepover mum's son later broke his arm at our house.

Oh my God. By falling off my son's hoverboard, which is another story that just compounds the mortification I feel towards the mom hoverboards that sort of it's not really a hoverboard. It's sort of just like a scootery. Thanks, Amy. Almost like a segue but right. Oh, God, that is that is bad. That is intense. Or sleepover mom. Horrible sleepover mom.

I've got an instant regret here, if you want an instant regret. Yeah. Hi, Robin, Josh and Michael. Following a recent episode regarding sending a text to the wrong person, it reminded me of a text I sent to my bestie the morning after a mental night out. My bestie was called Michaela. Still drunk and having had next to no sleep,

I sent her the following message. Ugh, I feel absolutely incapped, dreadful. So I'm going to call in sick to work. Also, finally shag the hottie from Giggalum. Giggalum was a crazy bar in Clapham back in the day. Finally shag the hottie from Giggalum was totally worth it though. In my hungover stupor, I accidentally sent this to my boss. Of course.

Michael and not my bestie Michaela. Needless to say, I was looking for a new job pretty soon after that. Oh my god. Love seeing you live the O2. Please do it again. Big love Katie age 552 months. Thank you. Shaggy the hottie. I think your boss has got to be pleased with that, hasn't he? Oh, I'd love that. Your boss has got to go, you know, fair enough. I've sort of never really been a boss anywhere. No.

But it depends on the job, but like, if someone's phoning sick, you're like, respect actually, I used to phoning sick all the time. Exactly, exactly. We know what the deal is. We know what the deal is, but shagging a hottie, that's the worst bit, isn't it? But no, I think that excuses it because you go, she got the opportunity to shag a hottie, you can't resent that. Look, she shagged a hottie, she got too drunk, she's been shagging all night, she's had no sleep, last thing I want her is coming to my ice cream parlour and putting the

wrong scoop on the wrong cone. Exactly. Absolutely covered in hundreds of thousands. Exactly. We want more and then we'll do small business. Right, so I've got most famous person to drive past you, parenting fails. Most famous person to drive past you. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. I was listening to a recent episode and you asked who's the most famous person that ever driven past you. In 1988, the king of pop at the time, Michael Jackson.

That's strong. Was playing around Hay Park in Leeds. We were driving down a one way street with cars parked on both sides. So we had nowhere to go when a police motorbike pulled alongside us and asked us to pull over. We didn't have anywhere to pull over and started to panic when we saw a stretched limo behind us. We eventually found a gap and pulled over. When the limo overtook a gloved hand, it came out of the window and waved thank you.

Amazing. My friends and I were screaming like children at Michael Jackson waving at us, our claim to fame being that we nearly made him late for his own concert as we were in our very slow-falled XR3i. One, I don't know, XR3i. Thanks for the laughs of the podcast from Chris, 690 months old.

Wow. Typed by Jade as Chris's technologically in at 211 months old. Imagine seeing Michael Jackson in 1988. What a fucking... Well, yeah, to be fair, if you saw him in 1999, he'd look different anyway. If I was, I'd see two people. Too harsh? No, I think there's harsher things that you could say about Michael Jackson. Yeah.

They're not harsh, they're fair. Yeah. Small business. Small business. Hi Rob and Josh. Please can I ask for a small business shout out for my wife, Millie Roberts, who runs Millie Roberts, Women's Health and Fitness. She specialises in postnatal fitness, pre to postnatal menopausal care and all around female wellbeing.

She would say that most personal trainers would have no idea what a woman's body goes through during childbirth and the exercises they suggest can actually do more harm than good. Specialist advice, exercises and care are required. She runs classes live as well as online and can be found at Millie Roberts. That's M I L L Y Roberts dot com Millie Roberts dot com. Love your work. Many thanks, Chris, Roberts.com, MillieRoberts.com. Love your work. Many thanks, Chris.

There you go, Millie Roberts. There we go. For women that are coming back from childbirth. So I'd say if you're a bloke, give it a swerve. Might be a bit weird. Hello, you- Just in there, what? Sex and Relatable Things.

I'm Liv, 24 years old, childless and compulsive parenting hell listener and lover. I binged three series in 10 days upon discovering the podcast. Jeez. And was the soundtrack to finishing my uni coursework. I finished with the first, so cheers guys. Xoxo, you really were the friend in my ear.

I needed to get through that lonely and difficult time battling with ADHD and depression. I'm trying to become fully self-employed to help me live a more fulfilling life as regular employment is a struggle for me as a neurodivergent girly. I have a small business called the Face Paint Fairy still in its infant stages, pardon the pun. I'm a one-woman band, professional makeup artist and provide creative face painting and glitter services to both children's and adults parties and events and specialize in bringing people's personality and inner child out. I'm based in Halifax, West Yorkshire, but I'm fully mobile and happy to travel.

My Instagram is at the facepaintfairy.uk, at the facepaintfairy.uk and contact details can be found through there and I'm happy to discuss ideas through DM. Get in touch today and add a sprinkle of sparkle to your next party or event. Keep spreading the love and join my dudes and thank you for all the giggles. Lots of love. Live aka the Face Pain Fairy. Lovely. Josh, I'll see you next time. See you next time. Come on. You've got to rest. Stop gigging. Have a night in. Chill out.

Yeah. All right. See you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Rachel. About all sorts of different things. Things we've eaten. Things we've seen. Places we've been. Things we've smelled. People we've met sometimes. Those will be, we'll have to talk about them without giving away who they were. And that will be the challenge you as a listener can enjoy. Exactly. You can get all of the episodes in the places where podcasts are.