Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP30: Dan Nightingale

Episode Date: April 19, 2024

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian and podcaster - Dan Nightingale. You can listen to Dan's hilarious podcast 'Have a Word' wherever you get your podcast fix... Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Think about something you're good at. Now think about how you got there. Chances are you had someone to help you get started. If

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going. Get a head start on summer with Peloton at OnePeloton.ca. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with... Hi, Ollie. Can you say Rob Beckett? Can you say Josh Widigam? Good boy. Do we love the podcast? There we go, Rob. Not just parents of children. What was that?

Hi, I'm Alice Ella from Brighton. I'm a disabled and chronically ill creator. And with life being so shit, lol, your podcast, that was their lol, just to be clear. Oh, you sick bastard. You sick bastard, Josh. Your podcast is so funny and relatable, even though my only child I have is my cat. Right. OK, because I didn't know what was going on there.

I didn't want to be disrespectful to someone's child. I didn't want to be sad. Oh, that was a really good effort. He's 216 months old and he's called Ollie. I'm a singer songwriter, but haven't been well enough to gig, except for a number of years now. So I've had to find another path

and a shout out would be amazing. It's at Alice Ella, Alice E L L A, to raise awareness of people with ME and chronic invisible disabilities, PMDD, IBS, POT, et cetera. Wow, that's a lot of abbreviations. I'll be honest with you, if she didn't have ME, we ain't doing a fucking cat at the start. No. But Rob, that is what it is. She has. We can't say none. And I'd like to say this is

a ballsy move. I'd also like to submit myself as a contender for more time than Josh as my fatigue has put me in a wheelchair. I think she's beaten there three nil. She's beaten me there. That's at Alice Ella on Instagram. I would absolutely love it if one episode you wheeled yourself into the zoom shot. I'm really tired. I'm really tired. I'm so tired. Yeah. It's Alice Ella. It's Alice Ella. The irony would be that the last leg of it cancelled as you get a

disability. Do you know what, I sometimes, I have, that was both. I sometimes think about that. Like I thought about, do you know your daydream? And you think like about, oh, what if I fell off his tube platform or whatever? Do you ever have those daydreams? Yeah, yeah, the weird thoughts of, yeah. And then I think, imagine if I lost a leg, how weird it would be then for the last leg, if I lost a leg, it'd be like this whole new chapter of the show in which I was joining the world of disability. And then I'd be like, is that God's punishment

for being on the show? Yeah, well, you've taken the space of someone that should have had a disability. Yeah, have I been given this disability? Also, in a world of diversity and inclusivity, have you not thought that it's a bit too no-leg-heavy on your show? Yeah, exactly. There's other disabilities, Josh. Yeah, there is other physical. Okay.

And they're not all leg fucking looking over my shoulder. Josh, pure and Rosie Jones. I'll tell you that for free. Anyway. Oh, how are you, Josh? All right. Yeah, I am good. I'm very good.

Um, thank you for asking. How are you? Weird thing to say. Thank you for asking. I was panicking. Thank you very much for asking. Well, I'll tell you what we could talk about quickly because we've only got a little bit before this. We've both just come off the back of doing our favorite show on telly. Blankety blank. Blankety blank. on telly blankety blank blankety blank blankety

blank blank blankety blank blankety blank blankety blank blankety blank blankety blank blank blank i'd say the only show you do less on as a contestant is celebrity squares uh yeah i don't know if you oh my god i don't know if you've ever been on the i've got a piece of what's the what's over here. I've got something stuck in my throat right there. No, not porridge. Yogurt and granola. Yeah. Yeah. So we had a little wee break and you've gone downstairs to gobble up some yogurt. I didn't cover it up. It's here. I haven't got it down yet. No, I know. I haven't got it quite yet. I've been mid gobble. How was your blankety blank experience, Josh? Did I haven't gone quite yet. I've been mid-gobble. How was your blankety-blank experience, Josh? Did I bond with Jedward?

I can't believe. Were they on one seat? They were on two seats, but they were one celebrity. They were one celebrity, but on two seats. Obviously, I didn't mean physically one seat. I mean, were they in one sort of contestant position? What did you talk to Jedwood about? We didn't have a huge amount in common. No. I listened in to them having a chat about Louis Walsh.

Oh, did I bond with Michelle Collins aka Cindy Beale? Yes, I fucking did. Loved Cindy Beale. You you've got a bit of a crush on Cindy Beale, haven't you? No, I haven't. No, no, no. Yes, you have. No, I haven't. I, no, no. Yes, you have. No, I haven't. I'm sure you've mentioned it before when you as a teenager watching East End. No, I haven't mentioned it. No,

I actually know. You sure? Because I was chatting to Matthew Crosby, who's a writer on blankety blank. Right. I was there. And he seemed to imply that he was quite taken by Cindy Beale back in the day. I got on with it not back in the day. And meeting her in real life. I thought she was too much of a baddie back in the day. I got on with it not back in the day. And meeting her in real life. I thought she was too much of a baddie back in the day. But now she's sort of mellowed. Well, she was very nice, Michelle Collins.

You just got some yogurt out of your teeth with your tongue. Yeah, I did, yeah. I think, I was nervous. I think Crosby's got a fucking cheek. Why? He couldn't shut up about her. Really? So you're both are fans of Michelle Bowie?

No, no, I got on very well with her. She was a laugh. And Judy Love, I love Judy Love. She's great. Judy Love has got the funniest eyes in comedy. When she does her side look, it just slays me. Is it? Hmm?

It's brilliant. It's just, I could just watch Judy Love's eyes forever. They're so funny. We should get back on Judy. Oh, I love Judy Love. She's great. But yes, Judy Love. It's just funny saying the celebrities names in it. Ashling, who obviously I get on with. Ashling B, the actress, comedian. Koj radical was lovely and drew pictures of us all when the set caught on fire. The set caught on fire? The set. Aisling B's button started to steam, to smoke.

All right, mate, keep it clean. We all like Bradley. So, her button caught on fire. It started to smoke. I'm not allowed to say caught on fire. It started to smoke. Yeah, I'm not allowed to say caught on fire because earlier in the day, earlier in the day, the guy who was working on it, I had to deal the buttons weren't working for an hour. So the first one was delayed.

And then the second one, the buttons were on were smoking. Right, but not on fire. And I was like, oh, the buttons caught on fire. It's not caught on fire. I was like, oh, the button's caught on fire. It's not caught on fire. I was like, oh man, he's having a terrible day. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That is because that will be one person's job the buttons. Yeah. Poor bloke. Oh, tough day at the office. Yeah. Tough day at the office. How was yours? Good. I did. I did a double recall. You did a double. Who do you get?

So I don't. It's a bit. There's quite a lot of people to remember here. And just give me just give me the weirdest ones. Jack D. Joe Swash, Jordan Banjo, Sue Pollard. What's Pollard like? Steph McGovern. Pollard's a love Pollard. She's great. I did.

The celebrity pointless against Pollard. I'm watching them try to explain the rules to Sue Pollard and Ruth Maddock was one of the longest 45 minutes of my life. Also, Pollard's schtick is that she won't get it. Yeah. So he's pointless to try and explain it because she probably does understand it, but pretends not to. Joe Swatch was there as well

So Paul, I've got kids Emma Barton was there for East Enders soup. I've got kids don't know Couldn't tell you but no, it's a great fun day out. My mom and dad came down and had their own their own dressing room. Oh Right, I'm gonna tell you this cuz we not done much parenting stuff stuff, quickly. We had a nightmare with the school shoes, Josh. Talk to me. They got dog poo on. Yeah. So, Lou put them in, well, cleaned them, but they still had a bit on, so she put them in the washing machine. 8am or not 8am, like 7.30 the next morning, they still hadn't dried.

Oh, and that's the school day? On the school day. Oh, no. But she had to wear her trainers, and then Lou was like, just put them on to my six year old. And the inside of she was she was crying going, don't know they're horrible. They're all weird. They're no, it was like, you know, when you this is the trainers or the trainers for PE, because they're going in their PE outfit. Yeah, it's the

white trainer. And she the kids go, No, no, no, no. And we're like, just put your trainers on. And just get on with it. Right. And we didn't really realize and then I picked up the trainer, the inside of the trainer, Josh, was soaking wet. And the actual you know, like the little in cell has completely come out and been shrunk and twisted and churned out. And what happened? We've just been in the washing machine. Oh, the trainers have gone in the washing the tray, the hold the trainers have gone in the washing machine.

And our poor daughter was walking around. Oh, no. Soaking wet feet. Oh, no. And you were scrumping up bottoms. And then eventually we realized and put her in her, like, sketches or whatever. And then she was getting upset because she was going to get

told off for not wearing white ones. So then we had to look at her emailing and then walk her in and stuff like that. But it was just, did, we felt guilt. Yeah. Because there was a point where we were saying you'll be in naughty now, but the poor thing and scrumpled up inside. Oh God, that's terrible.

That's going to come back in years to come. No, the scum, scum, scum, scum. Scum, scum, scum. It wasn't the sole of my shoes you crushed. Right. This week, Josh, we've got Dan Nightingale on the pod. Great guy, great comedian and father. And he's changed the podcast game Rob. He's a cult hero in the podcast world.

Yeah, lovely bloke, really funny, you'll enjoy it. You know when you just go, this is a good one. Here it is. And it is, it's a good one, enjoy it. Welcome to the podcast, Dan Nightingale. Thanks for doing this, Dan. Hey, no worries. Thanks very much for having me boys. Fitting us into your podcast schedule.

Yeah, what I need is another podcast. That's what I need. It feels like I've got a job. I've accidentally, through being a comedian for 20 odd years, where you don't really want a job, invented another job for myself. Yeah. Well, because we all knew each other from the circuit years ago when we first started and, you know, we met on the circuit. And then in lockdown, did you have a word podcast with Adam Rowe that's absolutely taken off one of like the biggest success stories on Patreon, and you're selling out arenas, doing a live version of it and stuff. It's gone mad. So happy for you. It's amazing. Amazing show. You've absolutely smashed it as well, especially, you know, all setting up yourself.

So you do that and you're gigging. You've got your live shows. You've got your specials all online. And more importantly for this show, Dad. Yes. How are your kids, Dan? Oh, do we do the setup? Can I just say, um, of all the things I've achieved in my career, and most of them have happened recently, but, uh, my wife, my wife, Laura is the most hype for me to be on your podcast. Oh, wow. We sold out an arena with our podcast and she was like, wow, that was great. And I was like, I'm doing Perrins in Hell. She was like, right.

She, she has prepped me. She was like, right, say this, this will be interesting. Don't say that. And at the end of it, she gave it on WhatsApp. I've got this OCD list of things, do's and don'ts. And then right at the end, she was like, don't slag anyone from school or nursery off. Don't slag anyone. Can you give us the list of don'ts please? No, she was just, yeah, it was mainly that. It's

because I can get a little loose lipped. You know when you're a dad and you podcast, I podcast with a load of 30 year old lads who are living their lives, they're having a great time and they are a couple of years away from being where we are now and that's fine. I'm looking forward to that part of their life where I've got all the kids and I've got free time and I sleep properly and they don't. But it's very noticeable that I have to turn up with stories about parenting in my life I have to turn up with stories about parenting and my life. Otherwise, it seems like I've done nothing. Yeah.

If I don't talk about family life, if I don't talk about my kids, if I don't talk about this, then it's not like I'm doing tons of stuff as well. And you, like, Rob, you were like, oh, and you're doing loads of live shows. I'm doing one a week, like I have. Whippled it down. The circuit days of doing like eight gigs a week are long gone, mate.

I am winding it down. So I do tend to talk a lot about school, nursery, and like, I've even, if I get carried away, I start talking about our sex life. And I obviously, I'm not an idiot. I know how to not get like thrown out of my own house. You said, don't talk about your sex life of Laura on the WhatsApp list of things not to talk about.

I think she just took that as a sort of, as a given. Did you combine, did your having children overlap with when you were doing eight gigs a week and you were... So how old are they Dan? Sorry, just to get a bit of... So sorry, my wife Laura and we've got a seven year old Etta. She has just turned seven and she is amazing. She's very loud. She's me. She's me. I've made a little mini girl me. And she's great. And then we've got Jack, who's our three year old. So he's just about to turn three. So we are coming out of the woods.

Yeah. Yeah. You have three, four that you can really start to throw the eye at them and stretch your legs. I honestly, I think third birthday for any parent who's like, feels like they're in the tiredness, sort of just in the trenches, then I just, I think the third birthday is something to just, it does, it gets incrementally easier, doesn't it? Until then, all of a sudden you've got a little dude who you can talk to and reason with and bribe. Doesn't it make a big difference?

You've just not got this emotional terrorist ruining all trips out and needing to nap and poo in his pants. It's on the turn now where it just feels like you've got a little mate hanging out. And Etta feels like a member of parliament compared. She's so much more ladylike, it's compared. But yeah, we are definitely out of the trenches, I feel like. What's amazing, because the thing I love about podcast, and you guys are like the absolute pinnacle of this is the DIY aspect and the way you can transform your own life through in the way it just didn't exist before podcasts and social media and stuff. And it's just amazing that you can find your fans and

stuff like that. But your life has changed so much in the last four or five years. And so there was a point when you were gigging on the circuit eight nights a week, and you had certainly one small kid, maybe two small kids. That must have been fucking tough, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the thing with the circuit, isn't it? There's a lot of brilliant comics out there. I remember meeting you guys when you were,

I think Josh, you stayed at my flat in Manchester. Yeah, I was thinking that. And I was wondering this this morning, where was I planning on staying? Because that was the first night I met you. Yeah, that's the code, isn't it? That's the idiocy code. You're like, listen, you seem found.

You didn't seem like a threat to me or my housemates' lives. Yeah. And that's the code, isn't it? When you start out in standup, because you started, I bet both of you started in around like 2021, isn't it? When you start having stand up, because you started, I bet both of you started in around like 2021, is that right? No, I was 24.

Oh, okay. 24, oh, in age, I thought you were trying to do, I thought you were trying to do, I thought you were 2001, I was like, fucking hell, no. I was 23 when I started. Right, so I was 21, and I remember being so dead keen and I just wanted to talk to all the comics and I wanted to pick the brains.

And I also loved the guys who just sort of, they got that it was a bit of a fraternity where you didn't have any money, you were desperate for stage time, you were just into it. And anyone that just seemed keen and sound. Oh, you'd do anything to do a gig wouldn't you? Yeah totally so I remember you were at the Frog and Bucket and I was hosting and you just wandered up north

and we're like I'm sure you could you know it's the friendly north we'll just sleep in a bus station. So before like the podcast really took off you must have been doing like four or five gigs a week driving all around the country never at home now you're at home so much more with the kids. It must be amazing. Will Barron It is, yeah. So that's what I was going to say. Like you guys kicked on and disappeared from out of the circuit without... Like you just got, you got agents, you got opportunities, you made that for yourself. Like a lot of comics get stuck on the circuit and like podcasting has been amazing because I now get to sell some tickets to people who kind of like me and maybe not on the same scale,

but like it's amazing. And what I found is that I just don't want to gig as much as I was gigging. The optimum amount of gigs a week, the optimum, how much do you want to work in a week? Like I've got mates who've got brilliant jobs who are working like 50 hour weeks. It's not the ideal, is it?

They're earning good money or whatever. So yeah, there was a point when Etta was born in 2017 where yeah, it was probably like five, six, seven gigs a week and if everyone's like confused, that's not every night. Maybe you do two gigs on a Friday, two gigs on a Saturday. You'd always get- You could be away for the whole weekend every week, couldn't you? Yeah.

And I remember saying to Laura, this was like 2019. I'd had an idea for the podcast. I was like, I want to film stuff and I want to do clips. And we were trying to get out of some debt and save for a house because we hadn't got a mortgage. And I was like, I'm gonna need to spend about three grand of our savings on this. And this is why Laura is amazing.

And I'm not just hooking up because she's listening. This is 2019. Yeah, so in that five years from going from being in debt and using three grand of your savings to get your podcast equipment, you went to- We're in less debt. Hey! You went to a full're in less debt. Hey! You went to a full, you know, selling out arenas and a full-time job in a podcast.

And it's amazing. Rob, you feel like you're the host in the Stephen Bartlett podcast at the moment. So what drove you into that? Why are you sad? Great question, Rob. It was absolute desperation. Have some fuel and tell me what the saddest moment of your life is. Stick your Zully patch on and chill out.

God, yeah. So when you're recording a lot, you put out a lot of content and stuff and you talk about your family life because that's all you do. You've got young kids, whereas the others are out drinking and partying and following Liverpool around the world and games and stuff. What are you, have you ever said too much and there's been problems at the school gate? Because I'll occasionally get pulled and someone says, oh, is that the, and I, you know, is that that thing or that? And you're like, oh,

God, because you forget people listen, didn't you? Yeah. Yeah, you do. I do. Laura does not forget. Does she listen to all of it? Well, we've got patrons. We've got some of the dads at school are patrons. So she's saying good morning to people. And I've been like, guess what happened this week? No, yeah, you do. It is a little, I don't know, it's fine though, and there's no malice in it. Like we had the nursery, had a sports day,

and it was objectively one of the most ridiculous things I've ever been a part of. This is a like two, three month old babies right up until like four year olds doing a sports day. And they did every room in the nursery had their like races, like a 40 yard dash. And we got the baby room out. And then there's a crowd, like a league two football match. Like there's about 1500 people watching. I've never seen anything more ridiculous.

So I went on and slagged it off. Yeah, it got back to Laura. Stacey, one of the girls that works, she'll love this. I'll mention it again. Stacey, one of the girls that works there, she loved this, I'll mention it again. Stacey, one of the girls that works there is obviously quite competitive. And when it came to the three-year-old race, she was like, cool, we're going to win. So they were all holding hands. And the kids that were with Stacey, who I'm not messing with because she's frightening, she started running and they nearly...

I'd say they were so close to getting a dislocated shoulder. She put it in turbo boost mode and they won every race. Whoever was with Stacey was getting gold that day. So she basically just dragging them along the ground. It was phenomenal to watch. Why is she running though? Surely the whole... The sports day is not hold your teacher's hand and run.

No, but I suppose they don't know which way they don't... Oh, then do a fucking sports day is not hold your teachers hand and run. No, but I suppose they don't know which way they don't. Oh, then do a fucking sports day then. Oh, you like to swear? I've been trying. Oh, thank you. Yeah, say what you want. Oh, God. It was fucking ridiculous, boys.

Just doesn't work. Because some of them can't walk. What are we doing? Getting them ready for the Olympics in 2048. It's absolutely absurd. It was phenomenal. It got so ridiculous that I started having the best time. Then there was a mum and dad's race. Obviously the dads... Did you do it? Holding hands with Stacey. Performance enhancing substances, Stacey. I was jacked up on Stacey.

No, I didn't. I didn't get involved. I claimed like a hammy or something. So did the nursery, people at the nursery say you've been slagging off our nursery sports day? No, they were sound. They were all sound. That's the thing. It's Laura. She gets a bit of social anxiety. So she catastrophizes and she goes, right, if you say that, then through these, it'll end up with us probably being like banished from the lamp. So, I feel like you're the sort of megaphone mouthpiece of the cup. So if you're in a restaurant and you need to complain about something, will it be you

or Laura? Yeah, you'd think it would be me, but actually Laura gets really anxious with friends in a social situation. Okay. Laura gets really anxious with friends in a social situation, but she can fume about injustices in terms of customer service and whatnot. Oh, okay. Just as a weird little contradiction. Are you the one that complains and she just...

Yeah, Lou gets very... Well, Lou tells me off for being loud all the time. She knows what she signed up to. Exactly, but then like, so for example, is it parents evening? You can't marry Rob Beckett and go, it's a, cause you keep it down. I know, I know. But if anything, I have got quieter, but it's still quite loud. She's a bit more, a bit more reserved. But like, for example, at parents evening, we had our parents evening chat,

but there was, you could, there was a drop in table with like the sports PE teacher. We wanted to check something about the clubs my kid was in. And she was chatting to the head teacher, but at parents' evening, so he's like, well, obviously if we go up and go, can we have a word? The head teacher would get up because the head teacher is just chatting because no one's sitting with her. So I was like, go on, and he was like, no, you go and say something. You go.

So I have to be the one in that situation. I'm the one that goes, oh, excuse me, sorry to interrupt, but when you get a moment, we'd love to have a chat with the sports teacher. But Lou doesn't like doing that. and that's on me to do. I can be pretty passive with that stuff. Like, I'm definitely guilty of that. I'm involved, I'm a really fun dad, but I let Laura be the grown-up around the school stuff.

Like, she sent me to a parents'' evening and I was like, what? On your own? She was like, you're going to do this one. We did one together and she's done like two now. Because it usually falls on a day when I'm in the studio. She was like, right, you need to book that off and go. And I went, like, I just get told. I honestly feel like we've both got our roles and that's important in parenting, isn't it? But she's definitely like the CEO where I'm like a regional manager. Is Laura working as well or is she not working and being more in charge of the team?

She's a lady of leisure, Robert. Once those arena tickets were sold, that was her out of the trades. Well, she works harder than me, but she's not, she doesn't work for anyone else. Yeah. And then so it's sort of like she's more the default parent as it were, because you are working, you know, you sit down and chat to a couple of lads for a few hours in a warehouse on the outskirts. And a lot more present than they used to be.

We need to keep telling people it's work, this job. I'm exhausted. I struggle with parents' evening because ultimately when they say, oh, I don't really care and I feel like I should because you're supposed to care. But I don't want to say I don't really care. But I sort of do. I care that they're happy and they're keeping up with it all. But if they go like, oh, they're not that good at that. Okay, well, I just accept that's what they're very good at. And there's some things they are.

But then sometimes, because I'm- How old are yours, Rob? Eight and six. So the eight year old is getting to a bit more like advanced stuff. But it's getting to the point now where I think I don't care, but I do care. But I say I don't care because I'm not very academic

and I found it really stressful. So for example- So do you think you're projecting your own insecurities of childhood onto the parents? Yes. And I think I'm getting my dyslexia test back because I think what happened was I felt like I couldn't do any work. So my brain just went, well, fuck that.

I'll be all right. I'll sort something else out, which I've done. But it wasn't an easy route because- You had to wait for podcasts to be invented. Oh, yeah, basically, I had to wait till podcasts were invented. But they'll go to me, well, you need to teach her at times. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm gonna have to learn them first. So I know them. What you've done there is I've got to learn that now, because I never did.

Daddy, why have you got to calculate it? I know. And then the way they do sums, the teacher at parents' evening was trying to explain to me, like, get her to do more of them. I went, well, how do they work? So we spent a lot of the parents' evening, her telling me how to do multiplication. Yeah. Which I don't feel that is a good use of some. I can't, I don't think I'll ever be able to divide.

I just think it's too much. Too much for the people, please. Also, it's not 1842 anymore, is it? So we're fine. Well, I said to said our handwriting's a bit like you know not as neat and I went well do they still do exams handwritten? And they went yeah I went why? That just seems mental. Do you think they should text the exams? Type it up. Can you say Siri? Yes, you can.

Well, you'll be fine. You've passed it. Can you shout Alexa? Yeah. Well, yours was a bit younger, but how are you getting on with that kind of stuff then, Dan, or is that not cropped up? I, I. How was your parents evening?

Um, listen, they're doing well. What you want to hear is they're confident and they've got friends and they're bright. And I think if you've got a combination of that, and you know what, if you've got a kid and you're like, well, that's not what I said, it's fine. I'd like that she's so young, it's year two. There's just some basics you wanna hear.

Do they, you know. Are they not a c***? That's what I wanna hear. I wanna, maybe they should have that as you go in the school and then you sit down and go, yours is a ****, I'm afraid. So we've got a workshop here. Let's laugh. In a group of 30, there will be a sociopath, unfortunately, which is yours. So we're going to work out how to change that.

I don't want to point any fingers, but your child can be left alone with the class pet. Or this... ...fut Future murderer. And there are things that I get told to do. I got told to take Etta to her swimming lesson. Laura's been doing that and not particularly enjoying it a little bit full on. So, but I did it once and I promise you this, I will never, ever do it again. She's now too old to go in a male changing room. And I can't believe that I didn't see it coming. I've been going to the gym this year a bit more.

I'm trying to just try to kick on with a bit of a healthier start to the year. Cause I was on tour last year and I was feeling like a mobile pudding by the end of it. So this year I've been trying to be a bit healthier during the total fitness around the corner from it. So this year I've been trying to be a bit healthier during the total fitness around the corner from us. Yeah.

And it's been fine. It's a very Wang heavy. Yeah. Change of mood. It's horrible in there isn't it? And is that the same place where the swimming pool is? That's where this, yeah. Cause I go off peak midweek in it with all the like pensioners.

Oh, the whole. I'm not going in peak times where everyone's like deadlifting 200 kilograms. I'm there just swimming with octogenarians. And I quite like that. So I should have seen it coming. And Laura's like, can you take her? And I stupidly thought I could just get there. Forgetting she was seven, I thought she'd just go in the changing room, come out, and then I'd sit next to the pool. And we got there, and I was like, oh, no, you're too young to go in a changing room on your own. And so it says on the side, you know, there's like a door,

and it says, after the age of eight, you have to be in a gender appropriate dressing room. Yeah, right, yeah, yeah. So I was like, right, well, this is fine, but it's not, because she's quite a mature seven. She's not a witch. She walked in, and she was like, daddy, there are boys everywhere.

And I was like, I know, I know there are. Also, also Laura's had this thing, and this has been a long-running joke with us. She doesn't like euphemisms for genitalia. She's just, Laura's just not into it. She won't do mini or tuppence or any of that. From a very early age, Etta has been referring to a vagina

as a vagina and penises as penises. So we walk in with this loaded, she's so loud. She's just a seven year old grenade. And she's like, there's penises. And it was, it was just a sea of willies. It was the total opposite. As a dad of a daughter, I took her to a place where it's the opposite of what you're trying to achieve as a dad. She looked at me horrified.

I looked down at her horrified. And it's like they're doing it on purpose. It was just a sea of wangs. Will Barron And did any of them care? Adam Tate She had an oodion. No, they don't do anything. Will Barron No, it's so weird. Adam Tate It's all the old dudes as well. It's never the young dudes. It's the old dudes.

Once you've paid your pension off, you've paid your mortgage off, just get your knob out. Just walk around. Oh, they're horrible, craggy little dicks. They're like pretty creepy. So we got into like, you know, like the little cubicle. Yeah. And she was hiding under an UD. And she was like,

Daddy, we shouldn't be in here. I was like, it's fine, it's allowed. It's gender appropriate, like she cares. And she was like, call me Rory. Call me Rory. So we're in the, you know, like the family, the door's closed now. She was like, I was like, what do you mean?

She was like, if anyone hears us, they'll think I'm a boy and it'll be fine. I was like, I went, okay, Rory, I was like, you need to take your knickers off and get changed. She was like underpants. I was like, never, never again. We're not doing that again. And so, cause if I was in a dress, a changing room, and a seven-year-old girl came in, I'd adapt my behavior, I think. They don't though, do they? The old boys don't. Mid-lunch, I'm going to plow on, don't you worry about that.

Oh, it's horrific. I think it should be the same rules as like, do you remember when you were playing footy in the street and a car came? Yeah, yeah. And just everyone shouted car and just moved to the side. I think it should be as soon as you see a child, regardless of gender, you just shout child and all the old men. Just turn, just turn,

get your dick facing a locker and shut up. Where are you with, uh, if it's all grown up men, are you happy just to go knob out? Like how much do you care about that? This is not with non-child. With non-child. Oh, just in there. Yeah. I've not got much, you know,

I've neither a show nor a grower really. So it's, at this point, it's not great. But I have to admit after two or three months of going, you do stop giving a shit. You just all go, who cares? Like who cares? Maybe that's just because they're old, they don't care. But I think I'm teetering towards that. Like I'm 43 now and I'm starting to go, who's bothered? Like I'm not bothered.

Yeah, a seven year old child that's crying in the cold. Oh, absolutely. But then I can't start that trend. Like if a seven year old child comes in and I go, child! Like that's going to look even worse, isn't it? It's a real tough thing to introduce. Lads, just so you know, when any children walk in, we all shout child and face them all. Are we okay with that?

Total Fitness needs you to be CRB checked now. Do you know that? I don't know why that started. What does your daughter make of what you do for a living? Does she understand what you do for a living? Yeah, she knows daddy does comedy and she's been to the podcast studio and had a little look. Um, she kind of gets it.

Yeah. It's a, it's, I don't think she fully understands it. And she knows that she can't see a daddy's clips or whatever on Instagram because I, you know, it's too sweary and that just, she's not quite there yet. Yeah, she does. How about yours? I said you were eight, eight too sweary and I just, she's not quite there yet. Yeah, she does. How about yours? I think your eight year old must be there, Rob. Like she gets it.

Do you know what it's more the people, the kids at school are a bit more excited about than she is. She's like, dad, daddy does shows. That's, you know, and same way as if you went and worked in an office or if you worked at the supermarket, it's like daddy works, you know, she's really not bothered. She's like, she came and watched the, the, uh the parent in hell show at the 02, saw a bit of that. And she's come to my tour shows and just watched from the side for like the first 10 minutes and stuff. So she's aware of what I'm doing and stuff. It's more the other kids are excited.

It just sort of just becomes quite normal. She doesn't really care, to be honest. I mean, you know, little things she finds exciting where we was watching Wonka the other day and you know, big Toms in Wonka, Tom Davis, and they were like, he's scary. Oh, no, he's not. He's really nice. But now do you know, when he's my mate? And they went, no, he's not. So I just FaceTimed him. He was like, they like those little benefits. Yeah. That's the thing. Isn't it like when Alex Brooker was in the Masked Singer, that was like an absolute win for me. Far more than what I do. Yeah. You should do the Masked Singer, Josh.

Why are you not getting into this again? Is that what you've been pushing him to? I think it'd be great on it, don't you? No, I'd be shit, Rob. I'd be total shit. Alex Brooker beat John Warwick. Yeah, because we all know that Dionne Warwick wanted to go home first because then she'd get paid the full fee for less work. I said to Alex, was it good money? He went, yeah, if you were there for one show,

not back for seven weeks. Oh my god. So what else are your kids into? So you do swimming clubs, is there anything else you do? How do you sort of split up the parenting? I know Laura's at home a bit more, but is there stuff that you do? Do you do the school run? Are you in charge of certain clubs? How involved are you in what's needed in the bag, packing for school and all that kind of stuff? Yeah, I just, I don't want to sound useless by any chance. I just let Laura take the lead. Do you know why?

Because Laura's got systems in place. And if I mess with the systems, it's worse than if I do nothing. So Laura gets annoyed if I'm there and I'm not available. Like if she goes, can you do this? And I go, nah. Then yeah, she gets frustrated. That's annoying.

But she has regimented systems. She makes this whole thing tick really well. And if I bowl in and go, do you know what? Without really thinking it through, I've decided we're gonna do it like this, she'd be absolutely fuming. So not to sound totally passive, but I just let Laura go, hey, could you do this? And then I do it.

Like a work, well, we've looked, so if we're going on holiday, Lou will get quite stressed that she's got to pack. And she, cause she normally packs everything. So I always go and I, Jimmy, let me pack for holiday. And she looks at me like I'm insane. I'll happily do it. And then you don't have to worry. I'll pack all the stuff. We'll get there and then I'll unpack it. And then you've not packed it. But she, I don't think she'd let me have that responsibility, but I do offer, but what, you know, it's a tricky one.

I also don't want to get it wrong. Like, like, isn't that if we go on holiday, I'll book it, I'll get all the insurance, I'll do all the travel and whatnot. And then Laura is going to do the packing and what that's, that's delegating, isn't it? Do you know when, when, when we were pregnant with Etta, this is one of the beautiful things about, I was talking about it before about older standups, sort of, it was brilliant.

Like when you were young and you started out in comedy and you quickly develop all these heroes and you're working with guys who are married and they've got all the kids and you just, it's not just about their career, but you also sort of, you're learning about what kind of bloke you wanna be. And I used to ask a lot of questions.

And I remember Adam Bloom, who's a brilliant comedian. We went out for a bite to eat. We were working away together and he's, you know, he's a brilliant comedian, we went out for a bite to eat, we were working away together and he's, you know, he's a fair bit older than me, but he's got a real enthusiasm, hasn't he, Adam Bloom? Like he's just- He's very intense, isn't he, about comedy as an art? He's intense, but he's also a beautiful person

and I love his energy and he's one of those people that wouldn't mind being like, giving a sincere bit of advice. And he just, he was like, can you do something for me, Dan? Just remember when you're going into this and you become parents with your partner, just make sure you do stuff separately. Like don't try and do everything together.

Like, especially when the baby's born, don't think you have to both be on every walk. Just tag in and tag out. Like, make sure that one person is doing it while the other person just rests and feels like a human, even if it's just for an hour and a half. And then he said, when you're a few years in, make sure that you spend time together

and have conversations that aren't just about parenting. Like two really good bits of advice that I've passed on. Cause I think initially that feeling of when you have a baby for the first time, it's such a shock to your life, isn't it? Especially when you first is born, like everything changes in an instant. And then the temptation is to try and do everything together.

But I think that's so, so intense. And then when you're older, yeah, just that, that thing of, are you still a couple or are you just like coworkers in a company that raises children? Like I try and have date nights where we talk about other stuff as well. What do you talk about on date nights? Asking for a friend. Idiot, it's tricky. How old are you Josh? Sorry, I don't, I shouldn't. Six and two. So just a year younger than yours.

Right. So yeah, okay. It's, yeah. It is still full on, isn't it? When the two, I mean, it's always full on. It's brilliant, but it's full on. I can feel it's less a month, even month by month, you're like, this is just so much easier than life has been for the last six years. You know what I mean, like, when you just take little lines out of this chat. Just do things separately. Just talk to each other about other things. Talk to each other about, and you're like, well, what is not a parent?

We just slag off people from school and nursery. Yes. It does get easier, doesn't it? Any kid under three, life is really tough, I think. And I'm not going back, so we're... You're not going to skip? No. Laura has had tubes tied in a bit of a two for one when Jack was born.

Oh, okay. When Jack was born, I was the birthing partner for Jack. I wasn't Laura's birthing partner for Etta. Who was it, her dad? Oh, it was Adam Bloom. He was so involved. So when, when it was a two C sections, two emergency C sections, so two for two on that one. Jack was five weeks prem. Yeah. So it was all a bit of a shock and it happened really quick. And I wasn't meant to be the birthing partner for

Jack either, but Laura got a bit scared because he was so premature and asked for me. So, so we went. Who got the elbow? Pardon? Who got the elbow? So what happened there was Laura's older sister, Becca, who is the best, when she was having her son, Finn,

Laura was in there as a birthing partner. And when we were pregnant with Etta seven or eight years ago, She was having her son, Finn. Laura was in there as a birthing partner. When we were pregnant with Etta, seven or eight years ago, Laura just knows I'm a bit squeamish with stuff. I remember she had a coil put in when we first got together and I was in the room and I nearly hit the deck. It was really bad. I can't exactly remember what was happening, but it was like Laura's body.

It's almost like Laura had an allergic reaction to it and had to have it taken out pretty quickly after having it put in. It just wasn't taken. She was in a bit of pain. And so I was in the room with her and Laura and the nurse that were doing it were like, are you all right? Do you need to leave the room? So I think early on Laura's like, this man has some, some things to offer, but it's not sort of like medical assistance. And she sort of said, listen, I don't need you there. If you're going to be a bit of a flap, if you're going to pass out, that's not where Becca was there because we've done this together. Obviously you need to be there. And I was like, do you know what? If you're happy with that, I'll just be like tech support in the hospital. Like you're in the, cause we didn't even know we were got, again, we were about five, six

days premature with Etta. Laura was in labor, but we didn't realize. We actually went for a midwife appointment about four o'clock because Laura's like, I'm just having these pains and like, oh, there's a little bit of fluid. And we went in like idiots. We've been to all these classes beforehand and getting ready for it and hadn't realized that we're in labor. The midwife was like, right, so there's fluid and you're having these repeat pains. What do you think it could be guys? We were like, Oh, don't know. Do you think you might be in labor? We were like, Oh yeah. So we went home, got all our stuff together, went to the hospital. It was a really quiet night in the hospital that night and they worked out that the air to his breach,

which they hadn't realized up until that point. So it became like a, is it an emergency C-section? Yeah, it is, isn't it? So it all went pretty quickly and Becker arrived and then the surgeon, the sort of doctor was like, right, well, we're going to go in now and in about an hour, you'll be a dad. So I was like, cool. I was like, babe, do you need anything?

It was all very calm. Yeah. Yeah. Babe, you need anything? She was like, no, no, I'm absolutely fine. So I could do with maybe if we're staying over tonight, I haven't got a pillow. I was like, I'll sort it, don't worry, I'm tech support. I was like, there's no point trying to buy a pillow.

I might as well just drive home and get her a pillow. That'll be better. So I drove home. I was like, I've really made good time here. It's just a Tuesday evening. I tell you what I'll do. I'll have a quick shower. So, well, oh God. As I'm saying it now, I'm cringing.

I was having a shower as my first child was being born. I got Laura's stuff and pillows and I got something else that had been forgotten, like slippers or something. And I drove past a co-op and I was like, she'll want some fresh fruit, a nice drink or something. Yeah. So I did a little mini shop and then about 10 minutes from the hospital, I got a phone call from my sister-in-law saying, you're a dad, where are you? And I was next to a golf course about 10 minutes from the hospital. So I spent all the way back. And a quick ramp. The whole point of that was to get the car out of like the expensive car park and find some free parking.

At the end of it ended up just like going back into the expensive car park. I rushed in, pillow, grapes, a Lucas aid, and then burst into tears when I saw Retta. That was an instant, instant, like the guilt of not being instantly there, the annoyance of like, why did you go for a shower? You mup it. And then just seeing your child, I was like, it was too much. And I really went as well. Like it wasn't like a little bit. I bawled when I saw it. Really?

Proving the point that you shouldn't have been there. Do you know what I mean? Like if you went at that point, you wouldn't have been a good birthing partner. I was going to say, well, what was it like the second time when you were actually there? Fine. You didn't feel it wasn't too much for you if you were to say to Scrims?

I stayed up chatting to Laura. I didn't go down the business end. You know, like with people when the curtains are up, people are like, I just, I don't know how you resist having a look. I was like, I have some self-control there because I was just chatting with Laura. Did it make you sad that you weren't there for the first one when it was actually not as bad as you thought it was going to be in the room or you could actually deal with it? It's such a little, I think people put a lot of importance on it, don't they? Like, I've been there every other moment since. Like I was there 12 to 15 minutes after she was born

and I've been there. I paid parking twice guys. No, I wasn't sad, you know, like we were literally going to do it again. I was like, if this works and you're happy and I'm not flapping. But as soon as you're there, it's I think it's just, you know, it's more important than you don't you? You're just like, this is obviously huge. Laura needs me. So you're just there. And as a comedian, like I can't believe I didn't see it from this point of view. When you're a comic, you just want to do stuff, so experience life, because essentially,

that's what a comedian's job is, isn't it? It's to live a life and then just report back on it and just sort of account how weird human existence is. And I nearly didn't experience labor and child, like, not that you're experiencing it properly, but. No, but you're there. it was for non being there. We were, we, Laura was in labour for ages and she was like, I wanted to, I want to do this naturally. I'm not even sure I want gas and air. And then at hour 18 when the diamorphine was offered, my god.

And when they did the tubes in that, she was there....for one, they were just not... That was an agreed thing beforehand, right? They weren't like, what were we... No. What? They were like, what were we... I don't think it had been said before. Laura was honestly like after party bollocksed.

At one point, after she'd had the dimorphin, she was like, I'm not even sure I'm in labor anymore. I was like, baby, you are. You are are still in labor, but you high as a kite. And yeah, I don't know if you should, you're probably not able to make those decisions, but even, even though she was munted, she was like, yeah. So while did they got Jack out and did the sort of Lion King moment. And yeah, while she was there, she was like, wow, we're here. Do you want, and did the sort of Lion King moment. And yeah, while she was there, she was like, wow, we're here, do you want your tubes tied? Wow.

That's a real bad review of you as a person, Dan. She's like, this guy. Why has he brought grapes and Lucas aid? I'd have your tubes tied rather than go through this again. And what did he have to stay in hospital Jack, because he was five weeks premature. Was you in there for a bit? Mate, he was great. There was no he was brilliant. He was healthy. He was about six and a half pounds. He was fat sound. Blimey, he would have been absolute whopper, wouldn't he?

If he stayed in. Oh, it's a big lad. And so what do you think happened there? Did they get the timings wrong or do some babies just, is it quicker than others? How does it work? I think it was all the smoking that Laura was doing. No, I honestly don't know, but it wasn't a problem. It wasn't an issue at all.

Amazing. What else is on the do not say list? Have you got it on a WhatsApp? Did she actually WhatsApp it to you? No, she didn't. She didn't. She just gave... She genuinely loves this podcast so much more than mine. No one likes their partner's work.

No one likes it. What did she... She's ended it. She's not been very negative. No one likes it. What did she, uh, she's, that she's ended it. She's not, she's not been very negative. Um, she was, what she put, she's put, uh, Etta co-slept until she was six. Jack was in his own room at three months old. Oh, wow.

Wow. We still, we still sleep separately. But you and Laura? Yeah. We still, yeah, we still sleep separately. But you and Laura? Yeah, we've never got a, we've, as soon as Etta was born, because I was coming in from gigs, and then Etta was in bed with Laura, and that genuinely went on till about a year, a year and a bit ago. So what's the setup now then? So I've got my room, Laura's got her room. Jack usually falls asleep next to Laura,

has his milk, goes to sleep, and then she pretty quickly gets him in his own bed and he stays there all night now. And Etta's got her room. And do you think you've got too used to the joy of having your own room? So I'm in two minds because it's better in the sense that... Let's deep dive on this.

I'm loving this. Are you all in the same bed? You know what, Rob, my question about whether hanging out with young guys without kids on the podcast is difficult, that's been put on ice. No one gives a fuck about that anymore. We're asking about can we sleep in until the end of the podcast. We've spoke about this before, about how much nicer it is to sleep in your own bed without someone in if you just want to properly sleep when you're really tired. Yeah. And stuff. And sometimes

you go and sleep in the spare bed. It's actually a little bit. It's quite a nice little tree. But we've never well, John, we've never met somebody who's actively doing it. And that's come from the kids base working out now. Mate, this isn't a spare room. It's my room. but it's working out now. Mate, this isn't a spare room. It's my room. It's totally all your stuff in the room.

It's got it just like... It's like, it's like... This isn't spare. I'm in it. It's mine. Where's your room? It's got my shit in it. I've got a Spider-Man duvet cover.

I've regressed. So where are your clothes? Which wardrobe are your clothes in? The wardrobe that's in my room. This sounds so bad. Listen, we're doing great. Have you got on swing? No, I'm not saying you're not, but so when do you? No, it's in a different building. We're living separately. We've got another house. No, we're good. Laura is the most beautiful person I've ever been anywhere near, but she sleeps like a dying walrus. I think she's gorgeous and she's so beautiful, but she's so noisy. Like, butchery, all frightening sounds and she's hotter than the sun.

It's her midriff when she's sleeping. It's winter, summer. It's like a radioactive sort of throbbing. And I can't, it's like spooning a kiln. I can't do it. So we pretty happily just went, she feels like she's waking me up. I'm a bit of a needy sleeper. I've got like earplugs in.

I'm just, I don't know. And we've just got in these lanes now. And so do you think you'll ever go back? But I will say this, you do worry now that the kids are getting older and you're like, oh, this isn't as practical. It was so necessary before, especially when Etta was in bed with Laura, it just wasn't an option. And you do start worrying, yeah, does it have an effect on the physicality of your relationship? Like the alibi that got you, that allowed you to sleep a path six years has now disappeared.

So now it's become a conscious choice. Yeah, and so is that it's not necessarily a good thing, but it doesn't mean like... If you're happy and you've got a great relationship and you've been sleeping well, just because it's not the sort of the norm of how people do it, doesn't mean it's wrong if it's working for you. Oh, listen, I'm not bothered about norms. I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't know if there is a lot of this, there's value in sleeping next to your partner, I think. I think there's something, there's a... A closeness. Yes.

Just before bed, just before you fall asleep and just as you wake up, I think there's a real close connection time with someone just before you nod off and just when you're stirring in the morning. I'm not talking about sex either. No, no, me mean, I mean either. I'm saying, yeah. Do you think there's, you know how she does with your son? Do you think maybe you could fall asleep next to her, then she

carry you through the other room? Just fall asleep, sweating from the heat. Is it a 50-50 split though? Or is one, you know, are you loud sleeper as well? Is she quite happy to be away from you? Do you snore and- I sleep on my front so I don't snore. Right.

I think if you're a front sleeper- You just suffocate into the pillow. Yeah, like a weird nervic commando. And who's got the better room? No, well, they're both nice. Mine's slightly bigger, I suppose, but that's. But again, I didn't ask for that. We've done that thing since we bought the house. I think I've been in two bedrooms. The kids have been in two bedrooms and we've all sort of swapped and found the right rooms. Laura just likes the room that

she's in. They're all quite similar sizes, actually. My worry is the physicality, because I think there's a lot to be said for that affection that happens just because you're with each other. Like you say, as you go to bed, just a little smooch and a cuddle. And honestly, left to my own devices that my bedroom does have the internet and...

No. Oh. I just thought, no, you know what I mean? It's just, I do feel like I've gone back to being just a little a teenager. Horny 16 year old who's like, no, don't come in. So what Christmas morning, the kids come in and they're excited for Christmas.

What room are they going in first? Christmas morning, they go to wake mommy up and then they come to wake me up. So you're missing out on the initial, initial right way. It's a bit like the childbirth thing. I miss out on the first 15 minutes of life, but I've been there ever since. I miss out on the first 90 seconds of Christmas day

and then we're off. Mate, I accidentally, as we were setting up for Christmas, this is last year actually, we've got a log burner and I was trying to tidy up a little bit just to make it look like it was, you know, we were doing the sort of carrot. You're setting up for Santa to come. Yeah, totally.

And I stupidly opened the log burner because I was just going to give it a little bit of a clean and loads of sort of soot and like ash went on to the in front of the log burner. I was like, oh, I've made a real mess. And then I thought, oh, this is beautiful. I'll just leave it open a bit. I'll push more of the ash out. And I went and got a welly and pressed a welly imprint into the... Oh, that's good. That's good. pressed a Welly imprint into the... Oh, that's good. That's good. As we came down in the morning, I could see,

so this is last year, so Etta would have been like five, six, the real magic, like, you know when you're like, I fucking nailed the actual magic, because it honestly looked like Santa had come through the log burner and there was a dirty boot print, it was brilliant. Oh, good work. Yeah, I've seen that one, if you've got a proper traditional fire, the footprints is top drawer, parented.

Absolutely. Did you want to ask about the podcast Josh? Well no, I'm just imagining what it's like, because most of my friends now have kids, because I don't tend to talk about parenting to people that don't have kids. Do you know what I mean? If I've got friends that are younger, you're like, yeah, do you find, are they interested? Would they ask you about it and stuff?

Cause I think when I was 30, if I've, my friends had kids, I wouldn't have given a flying fuck about it. Silly old fuckers talking about his kids again. Yeah. I am that old fucker. Yeah. There might be, yeah, there's maybe a few episodes where you can get that vibe. I mean, I mean, genuinely, they're like, it's fine. They're interested. I suppose I wait

for them to, you're right. I wait for them to ask unless it's, unless it's a funny anecdote because like have a words just trying to be funny. We're not trying to change the world. Like we're just trying to make people laugh unlike us when you are a parent though it is literally like what you've been up to this week like well so i did a school run then i had to go there yeah you can't not talk about it it's hard to like you know try and think up something else that you've done is apparently i didn't go to plimothar gala way at sundland of course i didn't do that it's repetitive because it should be, because that's doing it properly. Like I remember, like you go back to your childhood,

don't you? And like my house felt like the safest place in the world. And like that was the base. That was the center of the universe. And I want the kids to have that as well. Like we live in a village just outside Chester and I'm not mad keen on the village. It's pretty fucking dull to be honest. But it's reassuringly boring.

Like sometimes after we've got the kids down, like I've said to Laura, just look at the street. It's so deathly quiet. The neighbors are friendly and respectful. And for them, for the kids, this will feel like the center of their universe. And yeah, it's repetitive. We do the same things all the time. You have to. That's part of it. Bath time, school drop-offs, swimming lessons, loads of OAP dicks. It's repetitive.

That's what good parenting is, isn't it? You've just got to be the constant. Yeah. Every Thursday we go and see a few old dicks and you go for a swim. That's life. And it's reassuring. We don't have to do the swim. We don't have to do the swim if you don't want it, but we like the dicks. We always finish on this question.

It's exciting when the partner is a listener. Yes, the stakes are higher when you exciting when the partner is a listener. Yes, the stakes are higher when you know that their partner is a listener. Laura, lovely Laura, what's the best thing about Laura? Where you go, she's an unbelievable parent and I'm so happy I've got kids of her. But what's the thing she does that when she does listen to this, if you bring it up and say, I find that a bit frustrating, I'd rather she didn't do that. What would you say that is? I tell you what, rather she didn't do that, what would you say that is? I tell you what, I give it a positive because whenever I'm losing it

and I've not got a massive temper, but I can get my knickers in a twist. I can get very like wound up. You know when a bit of pressure, a little bit of stress, Laura has got this amazing ability to go the other way when she sees me going. Like, so this morning I was like, I'm doing parenting hell. I was like, God, I've not done the, I haven't used a webcam on my laptop for ages. And she saw me just go in as I'm like, hang on, I haven't checked the tech for this.

And they're going to be, and she was like, cool, don't worry. I've got it. You go. I'll just do the school. Cause I was meant to be doing the school drop off with it this morning. She's amazing at notes. So I now do that to her so we don't have benny's. So there's the positive because she's listening, I love you, I'm so scared of you. The negative, she does this thing, there isn't loads, but I'd say this, she does this thing where when

we're running baths, I do bath time a lot, but when she runs bath, there's, oh, it's so annoying. You know, when you're running a bath, you don't need to be there for the whole running of the bath, but you have to judge how much hot and how much cold is going in. You know, roughly it takes about five, six, seven minutes. It will be in and around full. I just, I go full on the hot tap, I go maybe a third on the cold. This is seven years of doing this. You know that roughly, if you come back seven, eight minutes later, it'll be in and around where you need it to be and roughly the right temperature. If you've got it wrong, you can slightly adjust. Laura whacks the hot tap on, just fucking wanders off and cooks

up a scolding, dangerous, 120 gallon death trap. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. And maybe that's a minor thing. I'd say that it's a fair comment. I'm not even talking about the kids hurting themselves. It hurts my hands. You know when you do a test, she goes, oh, I've run the bath. Will you just test it? You're like, no, I'd rather lick molten lava. And so then what happens? Then she'll put the water, she'll do all the hot and then the cold? Then, thank you Josh, thank you. I haven't finished, I thought I'd finish, you're absolutely right.

There is then a second layer of irritation because then she'll go, oh shit that's too hot isn't it? I'll tell you what, I'll turn the hot off completely and I'll press the, because it's so hot, I'll put the cold tap on, full. And then, because she's so hot, I'll put the cold tap on full. And then because she's a mum, she wanders off because kids are distracting. And then another six or seven minutes later, we have a lukewarm bath, 14 times bigger than it needs to be. So because I know she's listening, I'd very much like that. I'd say, you know, that's a, it's always a difficult question to ask, but I think that's because I know she's listening. I'd very much like that.

I'd say, you know, it's always a difficult question to ask, but I think that's the fair point. Yeah, I think that's one of the best and most comprehensive answers we've ever got to that question. It felt like you've been waiting to be asked that for a long time.

Yeah, genuinely. How is that not on the list? Yeah. Yeah. But thanks so much. Thanks so much. Have a word podcast. There's loads of episodes you can get anywhere,

but if you go on Patreon, you can sign up to become a Patreon and you've got, um, your social media. Because I knew that it was a real, all my eggs in one basket sort of thing. I changed all my social handles to at Dan has a podcast. So, um, cause I do. So Instagram is the main thing. Uh, I'm trying to get a load more standup clips up there, build up. I've done two tours in the last two years.

And by the time I do another tour, I want to really build that up. So followers at Dan has a podcast on TikTok as well and on Twitter X, but I'm not, I've had enough of that. And if you're on Facebook, that's on you. Your podcast is great. You're an absolutely brilliant stand-up. Oh, thanks. Thanks, boys. You were sort of a bit more established when I started and it was always

a joy to be on the bill with you and stuff. It's great seeing you selling out rooms and doing your specials. So you gave me the best feedback after a gig ever where you said, you went, I was an open mic, you'll have a career in this. This will be your job. And that blew my mind. And because you were so good at standup and you'd said that, that gave me so much self-belief. That was an amazing comment. It was in Peterborough, wasn't it? Yeah, weird gig in Peterborough on a big stage and loads of tables full of geezers, wasn't it?

It was what Jim Jefferies, the brilliant Jim Jefferies said to me when I was about five gigs in. He was like, you can have a career in this if you want it. And I literally wanted to float out of the room. And I, yeah, I don't, you know what? Weirdly, I don't know why it was you that, I don't think I went around for the rest of my career going, kid, you're gonna make it. Well, yeah, well.

Said it to every act you're on the bill with, but you got it right with Beckett. But I think that's why it meant a lot, because it felt like you meant it. Where if you say that to everyone, it starts becoming just as something you say, but yeah, that was really kind of you. I'm gonna just Steve Wright, RIP the tour dates.

Runcorn, Charlton, Liverpool, Longbridge, Hull, Liverpool again, Glasgow, Wigan, Chorley, Runcorn, Cardiff, Stourbridge, Carlisle, Grapenhall, where the fuck's Grapenhall? Somewhere near his house, you don't like travelling anywhere. Josh, also Dublin and Southport, Sheffield as well, but listen, I'm just doing, this year I'm just doing a Dan Nightingale and friends sort of setup. So these are poor dates. So follow us at Dan has a podcast. Have a look. This is me basically comparing and hosting and having a bit of a dick around with my mates this

year. So many places I've not heard of. It sounds like the Tories trying to get the red wall back going on a tour around there. Hey, I, if you read that out again. Talk to me about Grappenhall. Grappenhall, it's near Warrington. Yeah, the ex-serviceman club. Where I'm gigging this year essentially looks like the Super League table. That's... Longridge?

Where's Longridge? It's angry working class people in the north. I'm doing a Dan Nightingale and Friends gig there. Good luck with it, Dan. I know you're Dan has a pod on social media. Cheers, mate. Thank you. Cheers. Thanks, guys. Hello, I'm Marcus Brigstock and I'm Rachel Paris. This is How Was It For You? A review based podcast.

We're going to be asking each other, how was it for you? It was pretty good, Rachel. About all sorts of different things. Things we've eaten. Things we've seen. Places we've been. Things we've smelled. People we've met sometimes. Those will be, we'll have to talk about them

without giving away who they were. And that will be the challenge you as a listener can enjoy. Exactly. You can get all of the episodes. In the places where podcasts are.