Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP33: Britain's Best Chocolate Bar

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Listen closely. That's not just paint rolling on a wall. It's artistry.

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Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. And can you say... Josh Ridicum. Yeah, Josh Ridicum. Well done, you beat me to it. More. More? More. There we go. Yes this is our 22 month old Theo. He's got a good name isn't he Theo? Birds, I could hear birds tweeting. You can't call them that anymore. Sorry there's some hoes on my phone. No I could hear birds, they birds in your... I've got the window open. Do you want me to close the window, Michael? No, I just want to... I've got to tell you now, my radiator is on.

No, I wasn't complaining. It was a very, I liked the sound of birds tweeting. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's nice, isn't it? Yeah. There's two cats on the roof outside. It's lovely. It's very nice. Oh, can you hear that? There we go. Right. So. You got a bit of sunshine. It's actually raining where I am. Is it? Yeah. Look at you. I've got it all wrong. Go on, Josh. Sorry. This 22 month old Theo, he's listened to Parenting Hell on every car journey since he was born.

And the first time I asked him to do the intro, he burst out laughing. He was beside himself with excitement. It was like the moment he'd been preparing for for his whole life. He's been saying it nonstop ever since and now beats me to it before a chance even to finish the question. Thanks for being great company during the many drives, walks and commutes. You never failed to cheer me up. Becky, Zach and Theo in...

I was such a nondescript place to guess that. Don't be mean about that. No, no, no. It's the kind of place, you know, you live and we all know I'll probably end up moving out to. Sorry. Potters Bar in Hertfordshire. And eventually you keep it there. Well, it's still, you know, sometimes it's quicker to get into town and wait for the bus to go.

It's only 18 minutes on the train every hour and a half. If you miss it, though, you have to spend an hour and a half. Those people who've moved to Cambridge. Yeah. As long as I get to the station a minute before the train, my commute is only an hour and a half. Unless it's cancelled, then I have to wait at the station for three hours. I'm basically in zone one. Yeah, exactly. So this isn't the first for three hours. I'm basically in zone one. Yeah, exactly.

So this isn't the first time we've seen each other this week, Rob. Well, can I say something else about the kids that are listening to these episodes? I'm worried now that, you know, in your formative years of being a baby and like two, three, four, five, before you go to school, if these kids are listening to us in the car, and that's going to be what's burning, because I have got burnt into my head. I know the songs, the lyrics to every single Motown song. My mom and dad love Motown and Motown was played and I'm way too young to

know all these lyrics and all these people. So we can have a generation of children that just wander around talking about Josh being tired and still wondering if he's bought a kettle. Have you bought a kettle? Um, yeah, we've got a kettle that works now. Yeah, we've got a kettle that works. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well done. I've got a bar printer Rob. I wasn't even gonna talk about this. No, this is horrible. I bought a printer the other day.

We spoke about that one. And I've already so... Have you got the cheapest one that I got? No, no. I bought one. It was 200 beans. Oh, it's got a lot of beans in it. It's quite a lot of beans.

I bought the cheapest one. It was about 30 quid. And when I looked at them and you're like, come on, that must be total shit. Because there's this jump between 50 quid and 200. And there's nothing in between. And you're like, I can't go for those 50 quid ones because it just can't be good. And do you know what you're right?

I got it from Amazon. When the box came, I picked it up, a cardboard box, right? And I picked it up, like I nearly threw it through the ceiling, so I was expecting it to be heavy. I thought it was empty. And I got it out. I was holding it in one hand. What is that? Well, you'll be pleased to know I'm back in the market for a printer. When people say, can you print this off and sign it? I just think, what the fuck? What is this? 1973? What is going on? Just let me just click a button on the phone. DocuSign or whatever they're called. Oh, no idea how

to do one of them. It's a fine needed something signed out asked them to print it and sign it. I thought better Josh I felt well ill last week. I didn't realize when we were doing recording this last week. I afterwards I got a sty on your eye. Yeah, no. It's awful. Yeah. No, we did what we saw what we did see each other earlier this week. We've been on official business together, haven't we Josh? We have, yeah.

Official business at Sky Television. Well, yeah, we got invited to a Sky, because we do shows on Sky, Smart TV, Robin Ramesh versus and Hold the Front Page. Which is out now. Do watch it. It's out now, Hold the Front Page, Josh and Nish. I'm so, I'm so promo'd out. So it's out now, watch it.

Can we never talk about anything I ever do again? Yeah, okay, that's fair enough. But we were at the event, sort of celebrating all the new shows. They sort of do a yearly thing where everyone gets together and they tell everyone what's going on and stuff like that. But the awkward thing is you're at a dinner

and then you have to get up and talk to the big bosses about the shows. And it's me and Ramesh did it. And then it was like the starters and then Jill Scott and Maisie Adam were up there. The starters, just to be clear, was a course of the meal. It isn't a show that... No, no, no. Yeah, it's a course of the work. It's basically a big dinner with you. Right, we're the starters.

We're the starters. We're a couple of kooky guys from Cambridge. Met at Durham, and we just got some crazy ideas. And do you know what? We just threw ourselves into it. Old school slapstick stuff. We won the peri-ay, but our show will be getting 30,000 viewers.

We've got Simon and Donald from the starters here. Hi, guys. So I felt sorry for you, though, because Nish wasn't there. So you had to go on after dessert. And by that point, everyone had a few drinks and it got a bit loose. And you had to go on and do a chat. And I'll be honest with you, I was, you looked stressed before you did it. And I was, I was covering myself in water.

Yes. I've seen you cover your face. You didn't even cover your face in water for the 02. No, no, I was less stressed for O2 because there was less industry in. Yes, it was basically doing a little bit of stand up for your boss, essentially. And my favorite part of the evening was Jill Scott leaning over to me and Romesh. Very concerned saying, why is he rubbing water all over his face? Don't they do that before the World Cup final, Jill? Do you know what I mean?

But I don't know if we've explained it properly, but basically you grab a glass of water and put your hand in it and wipe it all over your face. And it is weird to be honest. The comedian Chris Neil, when I gigged with him, called it like a bird bath. He described it. Like a little bird bath. And so this is always, I've done it since the start of stand up. And it's because I when I used to when I was at uni, Rob, yeah, and I used to, you know, occasionally,

I don't know, but we didn't do this. You'd have to do like a presentation or something. Yeah, at uni. And I couldn't do public speaking. I'd get in my own head and my voice would do that thing where it wavers, like you lose all power in your voice. Yeah. One two three. Yeah. And the thing is, like that, and I would go bright red. And so when I started standup comedy, I'd kind of bath my face and my pulse points to just stop myself going red. Right. To cool down. To cool down. Yeah. And it was warm in that restaurant. Yeah. But it's almost become a kind of

thing I do now when I'm nervous. And so when else do you do it? Like, because you don't do it for stand up as much now. But like, did you get that when you got nervous about other things? The door's gone and I'm on my own. Oh god, don't get the water out. Pad your face and get down there, boy, and open that door. And I'm on my own. Just leave it. I just don't answer the door when I'm on my own, do you? Well, what would happen if he just didn't get the door? Like, what does this thing happen to when there's no one in?

Like what does this thing happen to when there's no one in? He rushes back that's what he just leaves the studio last leg and sprints over Yeah, but if you if it was if this was a not saying this isn't a proper job Michael But if we were in like a proper job, we had a meeting with like come on, mate. That's not pretend job we had a meeting with like, Come on, mate, let's not pretend. If this was a real job, and you was having a meeting with like the accounts team or something about payroll, you wouldn't just go across to get the door would you just go leave it come unless you want something important. Yeah, like a sitcom says behind it.

But big, big breath there. You're right. Hey, was that a tough one? What was happening? All the way down, open the door gives me a a parcel, takes a photo of my feet and goes, classic. But why can't you just left the door, Bill? Why do you have to go and get it? Well, because it might be something important. More important than your job? Well, I think if you're in a house, it's weird not to answer the door. Yeah, but I like it. It's a sense of power. I quite like it. I think.

Do you? Yeah, yeah, whatever. Yeah. It's never for me as well. So I don't check out of hotels, you know this, don't you? Yeah, I've just stopped doing that. It's good, isn't it? Yeah, I love it. It's power. But I do check out, if we're away for like two weeks, family holiday, I check out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. That could be off the scale. But if you're a hotel on tour, just walk out and they know you've gone. And normally there's nothing in the minibar or there's no minibar anyway. I don't think I could ever have enough money to use a minibar. Like just set the gall of it. I just don't think, even if I was a billionaire, I still couldn't quite bring myself to pay those prices. So you'd still just rather go to the shop

to get the bottle of Coke or? I'd still just go, I'll just. So you see what people do. So some people, what they do is use a mini bar, then go to the shop to replace it. Oh yeah, that's good, isn't it? So you have it, and then when you pop out the next day, you grab it and put it in before they check.

However, in some posh hotels that I stay in when I do corporate award shows, they have a sensor and they charge you if it comes out the holster. Oh! You've seen that? But what if you look and go, oh, too many calories and put it back? I mean, that's something you'd argue at checkout. That is fucking intense, isn't it? That's insane.

Because essentially, yeah, they're getting a Mars bar for their Mars bar. And I'm going to call it the Mars bar you say you take out a Mars bar. Can we go back a second? They're getting a Mars bar for their Mars bar. Yeah, so you're swapping in a Mars bar for their Mars bar. They're not losing out. Plus, that Mars bar has their Mars bar. Yeah, so you're swapping in a Mars bar for their Mars bar. They're not losing out.

Plus, that Mars bar has been in the fridge way longer than it's been in the newsagent because there's a lot quicker turnover of Mars bars in the newsagent. Actually, you're updating their Mars bar. You're giving them a new Mars bar for an older Mars bar. They're winning. Do you think newsagents need to change their name? Yes.

It was a bit grandiose for what is essentially a sweet shop. Oh, I thought you meant the podcast. No, but like, I'm a news agent. The thing is, news used to be you'd go and buy a newspaper. That's such a small bit of it now. Yeah. I mean, if you're a news agent, really, they're going to hear I'm a news agent, but I better get some bottles of priming, because that's quite popular. Line them up in the window. I think there's too much space taken up by chocolate bars. I don't think, if you think about it, how often you buy a chocolate bar, the amount of fucking space that it takes up in the news.

If you had a news agent, the amount of fucking space that it takes up in the news. If you had a newsagents, what would you put there? I think I buy crisps more than I buy chocolate bars. But I quite like looking, it's almost like looking at a light, it's not going to the library. When I look at the, even if I'm not buying a chocolate bar, I'll go, oh, I forgot about that. Oh yeah, I love that. A star, a star bar. I sort of, who are the mad fuckers keeping star bar alive? Who's the guy that goes off the murder star bar, as opposed to like, Mars or Snickers or kick-ass or

whatever? So I am fudge. We can play. Has anyone over 33 bought a curly whirly. Well, I quite enjoy a curly whirly. I'll tell you why. Of course I fucking do. No, I haven't bought one in years. I feel like you get your money's worth because it takes so long to eat. Do you know what I mean? True. That is a good, that's a good shout to be fair. And do you know what I've had recently? Do you want to know what Britain's most popular chocolate bars are? Yeah.

Then we'll get onto kids. If you're on YouGov, have a look at the Britain's most popular chocolate bars are? Then we'll get on to kids. If you're a new girl, have a look at the Britain's most popular influence away there. Oh, yeah, you're second on you. Yeah, Cara Delevingne's fifth. Who's first? Joe Wicks, I think. Right. You ready?

Yeah. Do you want to have a guess? I can tell you the star bar hasn't made the top 20 Rob and the curly whirly is number 11. Okay, number one most popular dairy milk. Dairy milk is number dairy milk is not there. Oh my gosh. Fuck it now. Kit Kat. Six. Malteser. It's not, but I don't know where it qualifies as a bar. Little bag of balls, isn't it? Yes, a little bag of balls.

Little bag of multi balls. Michael, do you want to play? Of course. People are shouting them out at home. I'm going to say Twix has got to be up there. I actually had it the weekend for the first time in a long time. I had, you know, those grab bags you get of chocolates. I had curly whirly pieces.

Oh, what's that like? I had a little bag of chocolate. I had a little bag of chocolate. I had a little bag of chocolate. I had a little bag of chocolate. I had a little bag of chocolate. I had a little bag of chocolate. I had a little bag of chocolate.

I had a little bag of chocolate. I had a little bag of chocolate. I had a little bag of chocolate. I had a little bag of chocolate. I actually had it the weekend for the first time in a long time I had, you know those grab bags you get of chocolates? I had curly whirly pieces. Oh, what was that like? What do you fucking reckon, John? Honestly, one of the best chocolates I've ever had. What would you think that? Because of curly whirly. Curly whirly when you eat it, because it's quite solid in the middle, the chocolate crumbles away and it goes everywhere. It's really difficult to eat. These are bite sized bits of Curly Wurly. They are incredible. I went through that bag in about 20 minutes. Fair enough. There we go. Twix is number 13.

What's one, Josh? Top three, go three to one. Mars is first. Maltesers would have qualified because, well, Boost is second and third is... Boost? Boost is second. Where are they doing this survey? 1992. Quality Street third, Munchies fourth, Quality Street fifth. What the fuck is wrong with this country? Out of fact, fuck, he's getting up to Quality Street every week. Surely that's Christmas only. Six Kit Kat, seven Snickers, eight Smarties, I like a Smartie, nine Yorkie, that's good, ten Bounty, eleven Curly Wurly, Flake 12, I love a Flake, Twix 13, Aero 14, Whisper Nowhere to be seen, Crunchy 15, there's a lot of chocolate bars, 16 Double Decker, 17 Lion Bar, I might

as well complete the 20, Rolo, Milky Bar and Toffee Crisp rounding out the 20. I've not had a Rolo in 25 years. I can't believe Bounty is outselling Twix. That is absolute garbage. I love a Bounty. I love a little taste of the tropical, Michael. Bounty and a little, Robinson Holliday. Oh, fucking hell. I'm not a basic one, I'm not Liam Barber, you know. I'm about to basically throw myself in the albino, see? Open to legal residents of Canada 13 plus. Ends 1159 p.m. Eastern on June 9th, 2024. 4,053 prizes available with approximate retail values from 2 to 13,000 Canadian dollars.

Mass skill tests required. Visit coke.com slash Marvel24rules.ca for official rules. This ad for Fizz is only 25 seconds long, but we had to pay for 30. Those leftover 5 seconds shouldn't just disappear, right? It's kind of like what happens to your unused mobile data at the end of each month, except at Fizz, your unused data from the end of the month rolls over, so you can use it the next month. Hey, you paid for it, so keep it.

Try the other side. Get started at fizz.ca. If you need some time to think it over, here's five seconds. Certain conditions apply, details details at phys.ca. Anyway, I broke my printer. Yes, sorry. Have you used airtasker? No, what's that?

So you can put your job online. Yeah, okay. Well, how would you classify yours watching Adam Hill's that? So you can put your job online. Yeah. Okay. Well, how would you classify yours watching Adam Hills talk? Basically, it's Adam Mills when it's serious political stuff, but it's Alex Brooker when it's serious disabled stuff Yeah, I'm here at the end and then part three. That's when I shine Yeah, so you go onto Air Tasker and you write, I have paper jam in my printer and I can't get it out. Yeah.

And then people bid on it how much they'll do it for and they'll come around and do it. They're gonna come to your house. So you'd say the door has fallen off my cupboard. Right, okay, so printer job, yeah, you wouldn't probably get someone around for a printer job. But if you say.

Well, Rob, I did. You've got a strange person came to your house to dislodge the paper that was jammed in your printer. So my printer was broken because the paper was inside, not stuck out. OK, so it was totally inside. So I couldn't even get it, see it. I'd pulled on it and it had ripped.

So there was no paper left and it was stuck in the printer. Right, how much did you pay someone to do that? Well, you have to name your price. Okay, what did you name it? 50 quid. 50 quid? I would've done it for that. No, but you can't do it, you need the tools.

You need to basically dismantle a printer. You've got to come out to my house. No one's going to do that for less than that. Well, someone said 90 quid I'll do it for. Put in brackets that includes parking 40 quid for fucking free parking, right? What was the final price? 50 quid. And then how long were they there? Uh, for half an hour.

And was you with them for that half an hour? Yeah. Was you? And were they at it for half an hour? My son was there, it was one of those situations. My son, who's he's a bit of a petrolhead, Rob. Okay, right. He loves a, he loves a vehicle.

He loves a builder. He loves a kind of construction thing. So if we go past like Rose digging in the road, yeah, Rose, the dappled them far from the tree. If we go past digging in the road, you want to stop and watch Rose up to today. She's not. She's away today. Well, I don't know what that against her. She's not here today. You've got to catch phrase to it properly.

I can't remember what it is. Rose is away. No, she's just she's away. She's away. Is she? Yeah, genuinely. She hasn't been for two weeks, but it happens is on this recording day. Well, yeah, OK, that's fine. No more questions. No more questions. The corset.

Anyway, so he was interested in the he was interested. So my son was wanted to watch that which was quite weird for the printer engineer that two year olds like a nightmare for him because he's basically got to pretend this two minute jobs up taking off now two minute job Rob. And he took the printer apart. Yeah. And he was like, did you pull on the paper? Pardon. So that's a bit invasive a question. She's been away two weeks. Yes, I have pulled on the paper. She hasn't been away two weeks. She's been away 12 hours. Three and two and a half hours.

Feels like 12 bloody hell. Um, don't know what that meant. Um, but um, he, he basically said someone, he kept saying someone and I kept saying it was me. He's like, someone's pulled on the paper here. I was like, it was me. And when someone pulled on the paper, it was me. They snapped a bit in the printer and that person's broken the printer. Right. So he was properly broke. You're right to get him out. It won't just slide in the paper. You'd rip something off.

I paid 50 quid to be told I broke my own printer within the first month of owning it. And you couldn't fix it? No, because the bit had snapped. The plastic bit had snapped. So you don't get parts for 50 quid? He said, it's the classic, he said that part is going to cost you the same as the printer. Oh my God. What life is hard, isn't it? It's so annoying, isn't it? You're just trying to get a bit of print. you spent 250 quid so far you got by another one

But idiot tax Fucking so annoying and I'm doing that thing now Where I'm not buying the print do you do this when you've got a thing you've got to pay for? Yeah, and it's an annoying cost so you delay it, even though you know you've got to buy a new printer. And you're like, why don't I just buy it? Because at the moment, I haven't got a print. I'm just delaying buying the printer. I've got no printer.

Just buy the printer. But I can't bring myself to buy the printer. Would it be now we've used Air to ask whatever this thing is, wouldn't it be easier for you to go, who wants to print off a document for me and bring it to my house for a quid? Because that's an easy gig if you're around the corner. And then that way you could get 250 of them for the same price as a printer. Yeah. Good point. I'll do that. I was on the train Josh the other day and I'm as I was getting off there's

a lady with a buggy. So I helped to carry it off with you on a hand. I was like, you know, because also I sort of think one is the nice thing to do. But also I think there's many, there's not many things in life that is so low effort that make you look so great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Karen, someone's been flagged at a buggy off a train. I mean, the effort to pay off is just astronomical. Yeah, I am the best person here, actually, as it goes. Absolutely gentle. And anyway, so I helped the lady off

of it. And she went, Oh, it's you, isn't it? I went, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's always awkward to answer. She was literally, now I can tell everyone that Joe Lysett helped me with my buggy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha world. Well, I didn't want to go well, actually, I'm not him. No, so now I don't want to be going or if I'm doing it on the credit, you should you should have you should just add a piece up against a wall and she'd have you're not going to believe what Joe Lyson did. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, I did

help you off and just slap the baby. Channel four 10pm. Bang. Yeah. I was a bit worried about that. That was funny. I went to a three year olds party role. You went to what was that? Sorry. I took my son to a three year olds birthday party. Can I say one thing about train travel before you do that? If you have got kids, they're basically get free travel, but they have to have a zip. You have to register for a zip card thing in London. So if you come down to London, if you don't live in London,

it's 10 quid per kid, but you make your money back straight away because basically it's just like a lanyard with a little card on it, then buzzes you in and out of all the tubes, trains and buses for free. I think it's under 10, but if you don't have the card, you have to pay. What? So I turned up my kids, obviously six and eight,

well under 10, and I was like, I'll go for it. They went, no, no, you gotta pay. I went, well, they've got a zip card thing, but you forgot it, now have to pay. What? So I turned up my kids obviously six and eight well under 10. I was like go for it. They went no no you got to pay. I went well they've got a zip card for him but you forgot it. Now you got to pay. It's actually a fucking rip off even though they know they're under 10. But so a little heads up if you are in London or going to London. How do you get a zip card? I think it's like it's like an oyster card. TfL? Yeah TfL I think is called a zip card. People still have oyster cards. Yeah I don't yeah. Yeah. Well, I think people do on their on their phone, don't they? I still on my phone. So basically, children aged five to 10 can use a five to 10 oyster

photo card, which basically free travel on Tube, DLR, London Overground, and Elizabeth Line, free travel on most national rail services, and 50% off the adult rate tickets on the Uber boat by Thames. But basically, if up to four children under 11 travel free with a fair paying adults, if they've got this card, and you're paying to get on the train, all the kids go free. So it's worth it. Let's go focus. But that's the least of your fucking troubles. And your own fault.

So I went to three year olds birthday party. Okay, was your kids invited or just sit in park and fancy? Yeah, I just looked at it. It's just my kind, my tribe. So I don't know if anyone else has got this problem, Rob. Now, you're not going to kind of believe this to listen to my voice. I'm not a good singer. No, okay. Yeah.

Don't beat yourself. I'm sure you can hold it. I can't. If you have to, gun to your head, you've got to perform the best you possibly can. This is what I've realized. What if I had to perform to the best I can? Someone who said like, to save your life, you need to sing a song really well. And you felt right.

So, okay, I'm probably not gonna be very good at this, but the best I could possibly do would be with this song. What would you pick? Turn the page by the streets. How does that go? Well, it's like the first one on that, on original pirate material. I just, it's just talking.

Is it talking? Yeah, yeah, I can do that. Can you give us a line from it? Um... No. Something about KFC maybe. Well, I'm just saying, but it's an odd choice though. I'd do part life, wouldn't I? Because that's talking, but it's kind of... Yeah.

All the bit... Yeah, okay. I didn't ask you to pick what you wanted, you picked it. I'll choose part life. Who gave you my part life? So, I haven't got the range for happy birthday. And your voice dominates. Yeah.

So Rob, like when I've been singing happy birthday, yeah, I can't, people look at me like, why do you hate my child? Why are you ruining this? Why are you ruining this? I get that as well because I can't sing at all. But if I try, I'm ruining it. Yeah, but you can't. I'm like, what can I do? So I can't just stand there.

Yeah, I've been miming. I've mimed a lot. Happy birthday. Like, just mouth the words. Why don't we sing happy birthday now? If you just stood there, like, just mouth the words. Well, why don't we sing happy birthday now? If you just stood there like, mouth closed, like kind of Jeremy Corbyn during the national anthem. Do you know that kind of feeling? Or take loads of photos and that way you're looking busy.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's good. You're like, oh no, sorry, I can't. Because if you don't sing, you look like that looks like a protest. Or film it and go, and a bit like, I'm being quiet, so I don't, because you'll be louder. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I follow a lot of my mates that are probably mid 40s, like Oasis, and they go and film Null Gallagher. And they've got the phone out and it's a beautiful shot. And all you can hear is

a 45 year old man nearly crying to live forever. Yeah, whatever is that man or Gallagher? But both. Right into the mic of the phone. So yeah, I'm now miming at birthdays. I think that's a good shout. Does anyone else do this? Or is there a better thing? Is that what do you do? Do you sing? Does anyone else do this? Or is there a better thing? Is that what do you do? Do you sing? Yeah, but I do it quite, I go quite, quite happy birthday to you. It's the third line. Ah, it's your hat. It's hard.

The third line. So I can do what I can't really, but happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Rob. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Rob, happy birthday to you. Yeah, that is scene-stealingly weird. And you are, I know you, you are genuinely trying your best to sing a nice song. Yeah, and I'm following it in my head. And everyone's fucking, it's like they're harmonising, it's like they're doing fucking band-aids. They're incredible. Some people are like,

I can't even do it like the hair, but they're like... And they look at you like, what's wrong with you? I'm like, what's wrong with you? How are you doing that? Yeah, who are you? Fucking Beyonce, you work at HR. And especially when you're a comic, it makes you look like you're trying to be stupid or funny on purpose. But that is just how you sound. This is how I sound. I can't sing.

But you trying your best is someone who's putting on a weird voice for attention. Yeah, exactly. I am. I if back in the day, I'd auditioned for X Factor. I'm not confident that I'd been average enough not to make it on TV. I think they'd have put me through to, you know, there's a bit of an inside TV here. There was fucking loads of rounds before they came to the judges. They only put the really good ones and the really bad ones through to the judges. And don't want to slag them off, but I will. Often, I've heard they told the really

bad ones they're really good, making it even worse for them when they're in the judges. But I'm just going to say that. Yeah, that's potentially what sometimes the way TV works. But yeah, I genuinely think that you probably would have slipped through the net as a comedically bad one. Yeah, and that's my worry. But then you know you're not good. Yeah, and that's my worry. But then you know you're not good. I know, so now I'm miming like I'm on top of the Pops in the 80s. Ha ha! A three-year-old's birthday night.

Holding a bunch of flowers like Morrissey. Holding a bunch of flowers, miming out of time. So there we go, yeah. That's what I did kids-wise at the weekend. Oh, I've got a couple of things I want to speak to you about. What's, do you, do your kids play, when I have iPad, do they play on games where you can buy things for the game? So Roblox is Robux and other games you can buy.

You haven't done Roblox yet. I think slightly, no, not yet because they haven't got, like you've got an eight year old and my oldest is six, so we should avoid it, but I think her friends who've got older siblings do, do you know what I mean? Because it drips down. This is what happened to us. Did your daughter play Tocca Bocca? No.

Tocca Bocca is like this game where you're sort of like, it's sort of a cartoony world where you click on a house and on the game you've got this empty house and then you've got like a thing with loads of different beds and cabinets and stuff that you can put in the house. So you can sort of like build the house how you like it. Yeah. So the free game you have loads of different houses and all these things, but then after a while you've done it all.

So you can have your little characters to float around these houses and go and do stuff. But then you run out. But then obviously, there's a shop, so that you can then buy like a, you know, family mansion. And then it's a big one. And then you get 200 little drawings that you can put in the house. So basically, our friends that they've got a slightly older daughter, they were getting these Tokaboka credits. Yeah, so we were just like, it got to a point where we're gonna wait with them for a few days. And then every evening, they're having their iPads in the evening. And then we were giving them two quid for talker-bocker. But like the talker-bocker, it's ruining my life. Because it never ends. They're constantly building little cartoon houses that my kids

want two quid for. And it adds up, Josh. Yeah, of course it does. And they're getting nothing for it in reality. Yeah, but then that's their reality, isn't it? Of course. So it's weird, like, you know, it's anyway, so, but I just don't, I just, I don't know where it ends with Tokaboka. And if anyone's goter-bocker advice or how to get them off it or another game is good. They'll get bored eventually. Yeah, once they've spent about 200 quid. Because the thing is when I was a kid, I had an Amiga and then I had an N64 and you know,

I was really into computer games, but the thing was they were fucking expensive. Yeah. But you had to get there. It was like 40 quid for a game, wasn't it? On a N64. And you might not even like it, and you just pretend you liked it. But that would be your big birthday present. I remember playing like a 1080 snowboarding,

and it wasn't very good, and I was like, that was literally, that was my Christmas present. Echo the Dolphin, do you remember that? Oh yeah. I was desperate for that, it was a great game. The games were fucking expensive.

And that was 40 quid in the 90s. I could have bought you a terrorist house. I invested in the wrong area. But so but but then it's only if it's only like a quid or two quid ago each. That's for but they've stopped off it now. But it was like every night I was like talker boker. I was addicted to it. I'm just into talker-bocker. They do talker-bocker merchandise as well. But now I'm like, oh, they'd love that jumper.

And then I'm feeding the beast, aren't I? Yeah. Oh God. My daughter, I've told you about her being really into crafting, Rob. Yeah, she loves it. Like she it fucking obsessed So but she's her ambitions just get higher and higher She's going to her friends on Sunday. Yeah, and they're making wings so that they can fly and I'm like I

Was like just a warning. I don't think you're gonna be able to make you're gonna be able to fly. Oh And she was like, well, we might be able to. And I was like, well, yeah, I don't get the right brothers. Dad said that you're going to create a monster. She's got good ideas. So she was like that we were going to do it off cardboard, but that is too heavy for flight. So I'm going to have you got any bubble wrap? Because

I'm gonna get the bubble wrap and then I'm gonna burst the bubbles because that's a light material and that'll be good for the wings and then I'm gonna put wire and you're like this is a good idea but you're still, I'm sorry. But also she's going to her friend's house so it's not really my problem, it's her friend's mom that's... It's the other parent that's gonna have to break the noose and they're not allowed to jump out the first floor window with their bubble wrap wings. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha three that you could go down altogether with a little mat that you hold on to. So I was going down it with my two daughters. Obviously, I'm absolutely smashing them to

pieces on every race. You can go at the same time. I'm 15 stone, I'm killing them. Yeah, they're crying because they're not winning. Right. Then I was like, Oh, I don't you two just go down and then the eldest obviously keeps winning because she's the heaviest. Yeah. And then I said to my youngest, she was going to I went, I said, I know I apologize for after because it was I just went, you are never gonna win. You will never win because you are the lightest.

That's just like, I've lost my temper. You're never gonna win because you're the lightest. That's just how it works. And then she was just absolutely like devastated. And then she was angry. And then she was like, then I just amped her up. She wanted to prove me wrong. So then I had to get the book to push it down.

Then I waited and then she beat me. And then she was, I see, I told you. And I was like, oh, and then I was then I apologize. I was like, oh, but then I was like, I don't know what I've created here because she's the last thing she learned. What lessons lessons she learned. Oh, God. But it felt like, as I said, you will never.

I felt like, you know, like a bad parent from a film that makes the protagonist, that makes the lead character go, I'm going to come, I'm going to prove you wrong. A bit like the David Beckham documentary, his dad. Yeah. Never. No, never good enough. I liked David Beckham in the documentary. But I was disappointed his dad's method paid off,

if I'm honest with you. But that was just me. Well, exactly. So it's that kind of thing, isn't it? But then I think, would it? I don't know. It's too complicated and convoluted. Yeah.

I don't think, yeah. You've got to enjoy sport, haven't you? You can't force them into it. I've been taking my daughter to football. Oh, yeah. Which is great, but I'm so desperate to be into it. I'm really trying to not show how desperate I am for them to be into it. Yeah, because I realized I've got this thing where I almost don't want them to be into

anything that I'm into because it's caused me so much pain. What, Plymouth? Sport and comedy. I really don't think you've got to worry about your kids really getting into Plymouth, I'll go. I mean, even if they were born in Devon, I don't think that's a big stress. A couple of Janas there crying because you've gotten one with QPR. If we get to the Euros and my daughter got into it and went, I think we're gonna win this. Yeah. You just want to go, mate, this is ruined 40 years of my life. We're not. We never are. Don't base any happiness on this. There is

none to be found. I saw a funny tweet where they said about the Euros going, who's going to stop this front six? And it was like Bellingham, Sacka, Kane, Declan Rice, Foden, like unbelievable front line and some wrote underneath it the back five of their own team probably letting three girls. Mum? What is it? Are we there yet? Hello there, it's me, Harry Hill with some exciting news. I've got a brand new podcast. It's called Are We There Yet? And is the world's first family-friendly podcast that's designed to get you from A to B.

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Super Welcome Store. real Canadian super store. I am, I was walking the dogs every day, Josh, I think you'll enjoy this. And I was, I had my head down and I was messaging and the dogs are off lead, they're fine off lead. Anyway, as I'm walking along, I look up and in front of is a woman walking like what looks like three XL bullies. Okay my God. Right. Right. OK. One's got a muzzle on and on a lead.

One's on a lead with no muzzle and one's off the lead. No muzzle. Right. I look up and I'm a bit scared of dogs still. The big scary ones. I don't like them. I was so surprised and shocked and panicked that I stumbled back and fell over. Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And I know that's the rules now, but and I was just at and she was like, and then I was like, oh, and I was trying to get like my dogs on the lead to get away like that. And then I just sort of walked really fast the other way. But I just, there's just so big and powerful.

I'd pay a lot of money for footage of that. I know. There's too much CCTV. I think there needs to be more. There's no, it needs to be more from incidents like that. Honestly, cause I was so in my own world. I was the messaging site about work and I just looked up and absolutely shat my pants. I found out my daughters have got a secret chocolate drawer. Oh what have they got in it? Top 20 chocolate bars?

A couple of boosts. Basically when they get chocolate they won't eat it all and hide some and then put it in the drawer for like their secret like after they brush their teeth. That is quite canny. You see, that's the thing. You've got a kind of reward, that kind of thinking, haven't you? Yeah, exactly. So where is their secret chocolate drawer? The secret chocolate drawer, it's just, it's like, they've got like a cabinet

thing, which has got a little drawer at the bottom. Yeah. In their bedroom. And then I was like, don't tell mom. Don't tell mom. I was like, all right. Obviously he did tell her, but yeah, so then I haven't. And I've told everyone.

Yeah. So if you see my kids, don't tell them about I thought all right, obviously did tell her but yeah, so then I haven't and I've told everyone. Yeah, yeah. So if you see my kids, don't tell them about you know about this. Please don't tell my children you know about the secret chocolate drawer. We completely ruined it all. Also, this I've got to show this Josh, right? Yeah. I am this my dogs were out going a bit mad mad. They've been chasing this fox quite a lot in the garden. And then nearly got him the other day. I didn't think a dog could catch a fox, but whippets are so fast. They chased it and then as it jumps out the fence, one of them

bit the tail and then he had loads of orange fur in his mouth just running around. It's quite funny. Have you got a picture? No, I haven't got a picture of that, but I have got a picture of what they brought in the other night. So have a look at this. And I was always like, I don't think I really live in the country, you know, the sort of country, but it's really sort of like the edge of London, not even past the M25.

But when this happens in your house, you sort of, I think you have to accept that you are countryside. I don't know if this ever happened to you when you were in the countryside, but I've just sent you a photo. We can put it on our Instagram. What the fuck? Wait. So that's my dog asleep. Do you want me to tell you what's in front of it? Fuck off. That's like a leg. It's the leg of a deer. Fucking hell. Has your dog done that or just found it? I think he's found it because it's quite clean. They can't get out of our sort of garden that's

fence. Why is there a deer leg in your garden? No idea. I mean, the deer obviously perished. No idea. No leg to him. Good stuff. Good stuff. But I imagine a fox has brought a badger, has brought it in the garden and dropped it or they've scared him off and grabbed it off him. And there was a babysitter sent us that photo. Fucking hell.

Fuck off. Oh no. The babysitter. You should reply, can you clean it up? We'll just have the bone. Just clean the flesh off. If you could just cut the oof off. Yeah.

Is it a oof? I suppose it is, yeah. Yeah, so she said that was it. I'm so sorry. Countryside is brutal, isn't it? Yeah. Also, I'm at the point now my dogs where, when I go for a walk or when I let them out,

I sort of feel like I give them a good life. Yeah. They've got good food here. It's warm. They know where we are. If they get lost, that's on them. Yeah, I've sort of, I've given up on that responsibility a bit. You can only do so much. It's an adult dog. Yeah, it knows what it's doing. If he wants to get that, I can only and I'll call it, don't get me wrong, but I'm not, you know, I think it's on them if they go missing now. Are you one of those people that would like take the dog to the

shop? No, well, no, not really. Because I think if you tie a dog up at the front, they can't especially whippets sometimes would get nicked if they're seen out about because there can be with it to use for a hair coursing, which is legal. But it's difficult for me to dance around this subject. But there's a certain, a certain type of person that would use a whippet to catch animals in the wild. So if they're driving past, they'll say'll see that and steal

a whip it. Yeah. So they're quite sought after to be nicked with it. So yeah, also, I think the dog, sometimes the dog will just howl a bit and you know, so I just don't leave the dogs at home when I go shopping. Fair enough. Fair enough. Fair enough. A little bit insight into my dog life there. Bit of an insight into dog life. Oh, this happened, right? So I was going up to London, okay. They were going up to the theatre. So I went up with them because I had a bit of work to do. So I went up and had a bit of pizza express, big up pizza express. Yeah, I love pizza express, you know me. And I figured I'd shout out. Anyway, so I was in there and then,

but on the train up, my daughter was cold. Okay. And it was because it's pretty chilly in it. It looks sunny and hot, but it's cold at the moment. Freezing cold. I was holding a coat and she went, I'm cold. I'm so cold. And she went, I went, well, put your coat on then. She went, no, I don't want to wear it. But I'm cold. And I just went, right, there's a coat here. You're cold. She went, yeah. I went, put it on. She went, no, we'll be cold then. And I went, I don't care about you being cold. If you refuse to put a coat on.

I think that's fair. Put the coat on, and if you're still cold, we'll work it out. But at least, let's try this one. Do you know what I mean? But I am getting at eight and six now, so I'm getting to the point where I don't want to be mean, but you can't let them be babies. No.

And why? And I'm like, oh, because you're all like, oh, come here, my baby. I'm like, well, no, you're eight. Put your fucking coat on. I, Rob, well, no, you're right. Put your fucking coat on. I, Rob, I just think, take the coat. Take the coat.

They have, they, I, that was the biggest mistake in my parenting I've ever done was the day I insisted my daughter, when she was like two, had to put our coat on to leave the house. And we got caught in this really long like 45 minutes standoff where she wouldn't put the coat on. And it was like such bad parenting. Yeah, but yeah, I was learning. Yeah, I'm not I'm not like, I, but now you do every morning. Now it's like, I'll take the coat. And you can make the call. Yeah, exactly. Because you will because they will make the call. Yeah, but don't look

at me in the eye and say I'm cold or refuse to put a coat on. I mean, like that, it gets a point where you're taking a piss. It's like me going, is it Peter? I'm hungry. I'm hungry. There's a pizza here. I'm hungry. Well, that yeah, that comes up obviously, when you are you hungry enough to eat something that you're not that fussed about or you hungry For chocolate is kind of the situation isn't it? People get much colder than me. Hi. Yeah, hi

When you're a man, I'm a hot man. You're always warm. I'm always warm I went to school yesterday and just t-shirt and jeans. There's a woman in gloves yesterday and just t-shirt and jeans. There was a woman in gloves. Gloves. I've never seen you cold. No, I've never. You've never complained about it. And I've been on tour with you up north in the winter. Yeah. Just, and also a normal coat really. You don't really go hardcore with a big giant. I can't wear a giant coat. I can't wear woolly jumpers.

Woolly jumpers are totally out of the question. Yeah, I'm not. You know when you see like a Christmas film and they've got a big thick cable knit jumper and they're in front of a fire in the pub and I go, oh that looks, I do that and I wear it to the pub and then I start stripping, I'm like topless in the fire going guys can we open a window? I won't be wearing a cable knit jumper until I die. Like, no, I probably won't wear one when I die, maybe I'll be buried in one but like. I think that's good because I think you don't want to be that

you know, you see those really skinny old grandads that freezing all the time. You want to have a little bit of lump on you and deal with the heat and then when you get older level out. That's the plan. Exactly. Exactly. But I'm on a hip. I'm on a I'm on a fitness journey now Josh. Are you? What an online trainer and I'm counting my calories. Yeah, I heard this actually from the people at the sky dinner. Yeah, well no alcohol with that dinner.

Yeah, well done. The head of Sky saying that you ate all of Ramesh's lettuce. Yeah, I didn't eat all. So, because Ramesh's vegan, he's always getting... The story's going around Sky that you've been eating Ramesh's lettuce, mate. I ate his tomatoes and didn't eat his lettuce. It's gone right to the top. Yeah, I did eat a bit of his lettuce,

but also that was quite a hard dinner to put into my mind. So basically, I've been logging my eat and the online trainer guy was basically he did he helped Lloyd lose weight. Yeah. And Romesh has lost loads of weight. And I've always gone well, I can't lose weight or do it properly because of my schedule, my job. And they both do the exact same job. Yeah, yeah. You know, so I was like, I've got no excuses. Romesh does the exact same job as you times four. Yeah, exactly. He's still so I was like, I've got no excuses. What, Ramesh does the exact same job as you times four.

Yeah, exactly. And he's still managing to get to the... I just haven't got time. He hasn't got time. That's how he does it. Maybe I could have gone to the gym when Ramesh was running the marathon rather than laying in my bed watching football asleep. Yeah. But anyway, because I've been doing quite sensible, like boiled eggs with a little bit of dry toast and then sort of a lot of chicken and sort of and I've got

a hit certain like proteins and carbs and all that. I've never done it before. And it's always nutrition that's held me back rather than exercise because I do exercise. And he looked at my fitness thing. He went, What happened Tuesday night? I was like, Okay, yes, I was at a dinner with work. The food was fucking mental. Fat belly tuna and all sorts of that. I didn't know what I was eating. It was like sharing plates. I thought how do you put into that app a spoonful of

tuna? Oh, God, they I look like the biggest fun sponge at that dinner. We got to our table. I'm sat next to Oh, Rob, there's an exciting moment. Shout out to Emma Thompson. The actress not the Emma Thompson, but I sat down at my table. Yeah. And the name plate next to me was Emma Thompson.

And I thought, we're fucking on here. This is great. Got Stephen Mangan, Tom Davis, Phil Edgar Jones, who's like the head of entertainment and sky arts. I'm like, it is gonna be Emma Thompson. You're brushing shoulders with the big wigs, yeah. Shout out to Emma Thompson, head of Sky PR, wonderful woman. Not the one you was expecting.

No, but huge fan of the podcast. She is a big fan of the podcast, big fan of Smart TV. You are lovely. Perfect. Good for us. She loves us, Rob. She will definitely be listening to this. And I should say, she was more interesting than the real Emma Thompson would have been. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah. No, no disrespect to the real Emma Thompson. Anyway, he's probably listed. Yeah, he's probably listening. Um, um, so while she was fun sponge, well, because we get

there, everyone's got a bottle of tequila at their table. Oh, yeah, I've got a bottle of I've got a bottle of they've all got little skulls of tequila. There's just plonked a bottle of tequila at their table. Oh, yeah, it was a bottle of I've got a bottle of they've all got little skulls of tequila. There's just plonked a bottle of non alcoholic tequila in front of my table. I tried to do it comes over who's the vegetarian up goes my hand. People are looking at me. Doesn't have to have a laugh, does he? Fucking out. The thing is, the way you act, it looks like your shit face. doesn't know how to have a laugh does he? Fucking out.

The thing is, the way you act, he looks like your shit face, covering the face in water. I am Oh, you know, talking about people, you know, when I was talking about the going to the Arsenal game, yeah, and I was trying to work out who I was the last minute replacement for. Yeah. And the CEO Vin message back and said it was the adidas adidas CEO. Oh, I was a good replacement. Roman Kemp. No, no, no, no. Come on. You know, he's got more time. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, there we go. One show. Right. Anything else we want to go through before any other? What's been going on? I don't feel we talk about apparently enough. We talked about m enough. But we do. We've talked about miming a birthday party.

We've talked about the chocolate draw. We've talked about Tik Tok. My daughter did cross country. Your daughter did cross country. We didn't talk about that. No, she went, Daddy, my heart. I fucking hate cross country. I know. I'm trying to not push that.

I finished when I did cross country out of the whole year, which is about 300 kids. I came second to last. And then so basically last was another kid like me that was at a few extra pounds, but a few more than me. He came last and it was me and then the one in front of me was my mate who had one arm but swam for the British Paralympics. I think I mentioned this before. So right at the back. So I was terrible at that. And we were, we basically ran together, the three of us. And I just- So who's one arm I suppose does that affect your running because you're off balance? I think so. Yeah. Cause he couldn't and stuff like that. But then he was, he was rapid in the

water though. He was so fast anyway. But he, so I've got bad memories of, but you just don't want to put them on your kids where, you're like, I did cross country and you want to go, I fucking hated that shit. Wait till you have to do a bleep test mate, worst day of your life. Exactly. But you don't want to put that on, you don't want to damage your children.

When you hear the word bleep test, you are going to be humiliated. And you know what's going to happen is you're putting the first one out and everyone will go, your shit. And you have to sit at the front of the sports hall watching people still going thinking, I am pathetic. I am a fucking pathetic loser with asthma.

And everyone thinks I'm a... Anyway, enjoy the bleep test. Well, no, so this is really interesting because I'll speak to a therapist probably once every now and again when we're hosting the BAFTAs in a few weeks. So I'll speak to him before that because it's a big event and that's when my brain can get a bit frazzled because it's a lot of pressure where day to day I'm sort of pretty on an even kill. And there's a bleep test of the BAFTAs this year as well.

Yeah, of course the opening and Ramesh is, you know, he's in training. Basically, whoever wins it gets the award. Yeah. And then I said to him, I was like, I'm gonna do that. But I've never been confident enough to like, I've never been confident in my body or sort of physical stuff because of like bad memories from school. And he was just chatting about it was sort of saying that like, you know, you've got to psychologically believe to be

someone who's fit and healthy and eats well and is in shape because you can't allow that, you know, your narrative of yourself. Yeah. Because he was like, so when you think of yourself, like, well, so if you think of yourself, like at school in PE or even when you go to the gym now, what words come to mind? Slow, fat and shit. You are slow, you are fat, and you are shit. So exactly, we need to change that.

We need to reframe that. We need to reframe that. We're going to go with big boned, We're going to go with Big Boned, Tortoise. Tortoise? You're not helping. We're going to keep shit because you were fit. Yeah, you were shit. Let's keep shit. We're not miracle workers here. Some things are true. Yeah.

Not all imposter syndrome is wrong. Sometimes you shouldn't be where you are. You had that when a comedian or go to you. I think I've got imposter syndrome. You think you're shit, mate? I've seen you act, you haven't got imposter syndrome. You're just not very funny. Anyway, so I'm in the process of trying to reframe my narrative and mind of how I perceive myself and stick to all the stuff. So I'll let you know how I get on, but I'm trying to not put that on my children. I haven't yet. So I told you before, Michael will tell you about my issues with PE.

Shall we save that for next time? Let's save it for Friday because we've already done over and I want to hear your issues with PE. Fuck it. All right, should we do a big small business shout out? Should we do a big business shout out? We're gonna get a Nat West. The guys and gals at Google are doing a great job.

Hey, Josh, just listening to the Sarah Baron episode and wanted to write in with a small business shout out after your chat about BBQs in the intro. I'm one of the founders of OnLoon, L-O-O-N, a rental company in London. We help people try these products that they've always wanted, like Uni Pizza ovens and green egg BBQs without having to buy, store and clean them.

I wish I'd done that. We deliver in London and surrounding areas at a time that suits you. If like Rob, you're trying to work out whether you are a meat smoker or not, why not try a green egg before you splash out buying one? It's a bit like us with computer games, Rob. Me and my fiance, Amelia, a huge fan of the pod. Give us a shout out. If anyone wants to try green egg on his Tuesday loony brisket session, you can find us at www.onloon.co.uk. Thanks, James.

Lovely stuff. Josh, exciting news from the world of podcasts. I don't know if you've seen it. I don't think there is such a thing. But yes. Yes, there is. So friend of the show and national treasure Natalie Cassidy Oh, love Nat Cass has released her new podcast. Yeah, life with Nat. I've listened to it. It's really good. Me too. It's brilliant. And not only do we think it's great. And, you know, to be to be purely honest, it's a show that we've co produced with Nat, she came on the show, she wanted to do a podcast, me, you and Michael make podcasts for other people

as well as us, we've helped Nat with this podcast. And it has gone to number one in the charts. I know. It's so exciting. I'm so happy for her. I'm so happy for her. It's great. This was I'm not sure if she's still number one now. She was number one on Friday. So let's see if she's held strong over the weekend. But yeah, go and listen, it's a life with Nat. What's great about it. She talks to her fam. Like normally it's like, and you know, I'm not one to throw stones.

It's normally celebrities talking to celebrities, right? Yeah. The first episode she's got, is it her cousin or niece? Or niece, I think. And the dynamic is so funny and her niece is so funny and mouthy and slags off Nat. Yeah, it's great. It's like, it's not like another podcast I know in that sense. No, and also she's got a WhatsApp number that she gives out and then she just rings up listeners. Yeah. It's quality. But anyway, well done, Nat. Keep going and give it a listen and a download and

a review. Life with Nat is available now. Yes. Can I do one more other one quick on top of that, Rob? Yeah, go on. If you've got kids and you're going on a journey, Harry Hill, who we've had as a guest, who is brilliant, he has done a podcast called Are We There Yet? Which is as mad as Harry Hill, we would expect. And it is for parents and kids. It's the first family friendly podcast for parents and kids going on journeys. And Harry Hill obviously is brilliant at stuff that's funny for parents and kids. So I'll give that a listen as well.

Friend of the show. Harry Hill friend of the show week but it's amazing the amount of feedback we get and yeah you're still so supportive and listen we really do appreciate it because um it's created a little community that we're that we're very proud of so thank you very much josh i'll see you next time see you next time goodbye I'm Natalie Cassidy and I've been wanting to do a podcast of my own for a very long time and here it is. I'm going to be talking each week to family, friends, most importantly, you. I want to talk about the issues that are bothering me, things that make me smile and how we get through that washing basket without having a nervous breakdown. This is a podcast for the general public, for the normal people. So get on board, become part of my community and let's have a laugh.

Mum? What is it? Are we there yet? Hello there it's me Harry Hill with some exciting news. I've got a brand new podcast it's called Are We There Yet? and is the world's first family friendly podcast that's designed to get you from A to B. Join me, my son Gary. Hello. Sarah the AI Bot. Hello, Harry. As we delve into the childhood memories of a motley crew of comedians, celebrities and cultural icons.

Is it done now, Daddy? Yes, Gary, it is. Are we there? Yet.