Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP34: Alison Hammond

Episode Date: May 3, 2024

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant presenter and broadcaster - Alison Hammond. 'For the Love of Dogs with Alison Hammond' is on Tuesdays at 8pm on ITV1 and available to stream on ITVX Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener,

with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. ["The Star Spangled Banner"] Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Josh Widigam?

Josh Beckett. Close enough, good girl. I thought that was really good. Rob, Josh and Michael. Here's my very nearly three-year-old Olive. Great name. Say your name. I had Auntie Olive. Miss Auntie Olive. She was lovely Auntie Olive. Can I tell you about Auntie Olive for a second? Yeah, she used to come to Spain with us on holiday. And we were like teenage boys. She

just sit on the balcony. She used to read probably about 25 books. And she used to know everything was she talked to us about Oasis about at the time when they were coming out. She knew what was going on. She's sitting there get absolutely shitfaced reading books all day. And then she couldn't swim, but she used to get in a rubber ring thing and just float around the pool. Yeah, drinking sometimes reading eating olives. She used And then she couldn't swim, but she used to get in a rubber ring thing and just float around the pool drinking. Sometimes reading, eating olives.

She used to have olives and drinking. And then my mom and dad were a bit pissed. And they were sat on the balcony. And my mom went, oh, look at Auntie Olive. She's trying to swim. She'd fallen out the ring and was drowning. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I was so drunk, oh bless her, look at her, 83,

trying to learn to swim. And she was like, ha ha ha ha ha. And then we were more proper at the drunk, Oh, bless. Look at 83 trying to learn to swim. And then we were more proper to jump running and not drag her out. Amazing. Amazing. How pissed have you got to be? Yeah. To think a pensioner is trying to learn to swim. Because I don't know about you. I would have wanted to swim after two bottles of wine and three Andy Mcnagg books. No.

Well, maybe the Andy Mcnagg book inspired her. Here is my very nearly three year old Olive. Last time I tried this, she really couldn't be bothered at all and all I got was ron buckets for Rob and pickin' them for Josh and a request for popcorn. Olive will be three on May the 4th which also happens to be my birthday or used to be before I realised I'll never get a birthday spotlight again. Thanks for last please stay sexy and reliable. Or we figure out if we want a second you'll have a second Sarah Oliver James Essex have a second maybe have a third anything more than that is a

death sentence. No disrespect to anyone with four and above kids but tough gig. You know what? I've got a friend at school. She loves having children. Right. She's pregnant with the fifth. I saw her and she's like, you know, when someone's showing early and I was like talking to her about that. I said, Oh, I might be twins. And she said, Oh, I wish. And I was like, Oh my God, imagine these kind of people need to go somewhere to be spoken to. These people are wired up in a completely different way to us. And I respect it.

I don't. Well, I respect if she enjoys it, she loves it, go for it. For her, that is her ultimate passion. And that's great for her. But I just think with parenthood, it should be like the gambling advert. When the fun stops, stop. And if the fun hasn't stopped, keep going. Keep going.

When the fun stops, stop. You're not feeling very well, as you're saying as well. No, I feel like I haven't digested my food from last night. I feel like it's here, you know, at the top. Okay, how do you know where it is? Because you can feel it. Have a Renny. Have a Renny. Do you not know about Renny's? I do know about Renny's, but I thought they'd cleared like indigestion. I haven't got any pain.

I just feel nauseous. I think they're so wrong with you, but they haven't got a name for it yet. Pathetic? No, but I think in like 30 years, they'll be like, oh, there's this thing. And everyone will go, that's what Josh had, I think. So what did you eat last night? I had a curry. Right. What ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and a chickpea thing. No rice, none? No, I'm not really into rice. I don't know if anyone is into it. It feels like a waste of space when you're having a curry.

Do you know what? Rice is one of the things that hasn't really been pimped up. You know, like people go like the funky chips that have got like truffle on or- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes you have noodles or ramen, there's like noodle bar,

but no one's really got rice by the balls, have they? It's because it's rubbish. Rice is rubbish. Exactly, but then it's so cheap. You could make like, egg fried rice, the best one ever, or like, ones that have got nice stuffing and try and make it a thing. But I think rice needs a bit of a glow up.

Yeah, maybe you're right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, no, I think you're right. So you just feel sick because you add a curry? No, I don't just feel sick. I feel like I haven't digested, I like I've got a little stomach bug. Go and be sick. I'm not going to go and be sick. My, oh. No, but sick. I feel like I haven't digested. I like I've got a little stomach bug. Go and be sick.

I'm not gonna go and be sick. My head won't. No, but I think I'll just it'll just pass. Okay, well, as long as you can struggle through this 10 minute introduction to an interview. I went on Sunday brunch. I'll just quickly tell you about Sunday brunch. Well, someone messaged me when Josh is getting it on Sunday brunch. Were you getting abused?

Oh no, shagging. Rumour. Rumour. Rumor. Only on the weekend. Only before a doll. I mean, that's what I was telling my stomach. But um, no, they didn't had a clip. They didn't play it. They rap of us talking about Sunday brunch last time I went on Sunday brunch.

Right. Okay. I don't remember what I said on the podcast. No, I've got no idea. So like you remember last time you came on what you said on the podcast. I was like no. Apparently I told an anecdote about how I wasn't in much of it. It's so long. It's such a long record. So they were like, well, we've got your triple A pass. They gave me this triple A pass. Now you can be be in all of it. Do you know what? It's easier when you're not in all of it. How was you in all of it? I was in more or less all of it, except two of the interviews.

Oh, I did a skateboard feature. Talked about some skateboards. Nice. Yep. I had a good time on Sunday brunch. Promoting Hold the Front Page, Sky, Max, et cetera. That's it. Me done for promo. I've done three in a row. And I'm exhausted. Who was you on with? I was on with

Sophie Thompson, actor, Sue Perkins, Jason Fox, the SAS. We had him on Smart TV. Yeah, he's great guy. Yeah, I really liked him. Really liked him. And Jess Glynn. That's a great lineup. Strong lineup. So, and this is interesting about me. I was walking on the street. Yeah, I was listening to my air pods. They called air pods. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they died obviously, because I hadn't charged them. Yeah. So I took my air pod case out, took one out my ear, fumbled it. Wow. It bounced on the pavement. Yeah. Obviously, it's shaped in an awkward way. So it bounced, hit an angle. Oh God, it's like a rugby ball. You don't know where it's going. Most things drop, they land. That is all over. It could go anywhere. It went under a locked gate. That sitcom, Josh, turns out. It's fucking unbelievable. Let me say, I couldn't believe it. What's happening? I'll send you a picture. Did you get it? Well, did you have to buzzer? I stuck my arm

through the gate. Yeah, absolutely no dice. It's not ascending. It won't work. Anyway, why have you not got what's wrong with your internet? My phone is so low on battery that it's gone into some kind of low power load. It's 10am. I know. I didn't plug it in last night and I regret it. Why don't you plug it in at your computer? Because I've got a new phone, haven't I, with the new fucking jack,

so I've only got a plug next to my bed. I think you make life too hard for yourself, Josh. Well, I don't know how I could avoid that situation. Buy a new charger? You've had the phone a month? Yeah, I know. But another one to go buy your computer? What are you doing? So there's the gate. It's like a metal gate with it had a big padlock on.

Yeah, I can see the little poddy. Yeah. So I stuck my arm through. And then a teenager across the street with his mum. Yeah, he's about 14. Yeah, they're getting a takeaway and the takeaway across the street. This is about five on a Sunday evening. Okay, he went, do you want me to climb over the gate for you? Oh, I was like, no, it's all right. So I've got this. I've got this. This is so sitcom and then you try and climb it and fall off. No, I didn't try and climb it.

But in the sitcom you would. Yeah, I went into the shop next door. Yeah, I know them. And I said, have you got a long stick? I was like, well, I've dropped an airport in its bounce. What I need is a long stick. What does it have? Did they have one? And then we were discussing what they had. Wouldn't it be easier to go if you've got a broom rather than a long stick? Yeah, yeah, that would have been, but I was in panic mode, Rob. Okay.

They're still gonna ask, why do you need a broom? True, yeah. And then at that point, the teenager's mom appears in the shop with my AirPod. Oh, he's got it. And he's got it for me. Good lad.

Yeah. Was she okay with him climbing, breaking and entering? Well, we don't know he did it. She might've done it herself, you know. What kind of vibe is this teenager and mum? Are they sort of like posh, gentrified East London or a bit more OG East London? I didn't have enough to do with them. Yeah.

But I think he was jumping over more in a, I'm a skater kind of way than in a, I'm a thief kind of way. Parkour. Cool. I'm pretty chilled. Yeah, I've got my vans on. Let's go. Yeah, I think he was like a teenager that was into that kind of stuff. Who was like, great, a challenge for my all the stuff I've been doing. Yeah, I can show how good I am at climbing. I've got a mate like that. My mate Jack loves climbing stuff. He's really good at climbing. I imagine he would have been like that as a teenager. People are into climbing. It's an odd sport to get into climbing. Yeah, it is a bit of a strange way. It's hard. It's quite fun, though. But like, you just go up and down a fake wall in an industrial estate. Where are you aiming for a proper mounted

bit of behind the scenes it we're doing a VT for because we're going to the Paralympics. And they were like, you and Alex, we want to do a VT like a what's the word that you suppose a video like a film? What do you call it when you're not in TV a VT a little clip like a little feature of you trying call it when you're not in TV? A VT? A little clip, like a little feature. Have you tried a Paralympic sport? What's that in the background? Is that your child?

No, it's the same kid as is going to appear in next week's Tuesday episode. Not that we've recorded these in the opposite order. Anyway, they were like, do you want to go parrot climbing? And I was like, absolutely fucked that. Why not? Because they were like, we'll get a gladiator, they can pull you off the wall. I'm like, no, I'm not gambling my neck on that. Your neck? Use your hands. Mate, I'm not being pulled off a wall. I did wrestling. I've had a bad neck for six months. Was that with Nish to wrestle it? Yeah, that's what fucked my neck. But I've had a bad neck for six months. Was that with Nish, the wrestler? Yeah, that's what fucked my neck. But I've got a glass neck, mate.

I've got a glass neck. You've got to protect it these days. What is wrong with your neck? It's the point. What's the medical problem? The medical problem is that if I'm very tense or if I get hit and stuff, that's the first thing to go. It's a weakness. You get hit.

Well, that's what happened in the wrestling. I got body slammed. Got winded. Winded from your stomach. You got slammed and then you got hit on the back. You can get winded on the back. If you've got bad nature, you shouldn't be wrestling. Anyway, look forward to a VT of Paralympic golf coming your way. It's a VT. Lovely stuff. Now this week we have got TV royalty. She's a regular on Smart TV with us. She is, it's a good show that.

She's on this morning and she's promoting The Love of Dogs, her new show on ITV, taking over from the late, great, Paulo Grady. And you love dogs, Rob. I love dogs. You love dogs. Alison loves dogs, we love dogs, everyone loves dogs. Here's Alison Hammond talking about her kid.

Alison Hammond, welcome back to Parenting Hell. Now you do do a million shows. So when someone says to you, I love your show, do you have to say to them which one? I can kind of tell from people's eyes what they're talking about. Really? Yeah. What? Why they're looking? Or just the way they look. Yeah. I could tell. So if they've got a dog with them, they're probably talking about

for the love of dogs. Fucking hell, Sherlock. Well done. If they're carrying a cake, it's make-off. Exactly. If they're unemployed this morning. Yeah. And if I don't understand what they're saying, it's for smart TV. For those who don't know, you've got a grown-up son, Aidan. How old is he now? He's 19 now. 19. Oh my word. It's brilliant. Guys, I've gone into a new level. Wait for it.

Yeah. He's paying rent. Wow. Oh no. You can't stop earning money. It's the best place that anyone could possibly go into. I mean, it's not a lot of rent. I'll be honest with you. What's the going rate to live in your house?

£10 a week. £10 a week? He's teaching her best of all. £10 a week. I actually love getting a little bit of cash from him. Like he gives me every month about 40 pounds. Yeah, I absolutely love it. I go and get my eyebrows done. Go and get my nails done.

Cash. Perfect. Nails and eyebrows do not know that debit cards exist today. No, I don't. Now, I'm not in the HMRC. I'm not a taxman investigator, but my first call would be the fucking nail bar. That's the only time Lou needs cash. I know. To get me nails done.

But they always want cash when you go to the nails. A lot of places want cash all the time. I know. Cashpoint won't even take Apple Pay now. So I haven't seen my debit card in two or three months. Have you not? Because I just do Apple Pay. So do you try and Apple Pay a cash machine?

Well no I can't. You're not allowed to. I get panicked. If ever I have a £50 note, I'm absolutely panicked. You've just got a £50 note? Are you a cash machine? Well no I can't, you're not allowed to. I get panicked if I ever have a £50 note, I'm absolutely panicked. You've just got a £50 note, you fucking builder, what's going on? No but sometimes if you get a larger amount of money out, my dad used to get £50 notes when he was a cab driver but it's so stressful because people don't take them do they? It's bizarre and I don't understand why you go to the fish and chip shop give them £50 and then they say no we're not taking that, it's real money. I got it from the bank. And then I will not take it. It's just really annoying.

Well you should up Aidan's rent to £50 a month and then you get it in one note. Well guess what he's done now? He's only gone and signed up for the football on SkyTV and that's £30 but it's coming off my debit card so I said to him well I go up now you've got to put that 30 pound in that extra 30 pounds so I'm gonna be kidding wait for it guys yeah 40 30 70 pound so he's paying you 70 quid in cash first of the month no actually he says he's just after the first of month what happens if he doesn't pay I'll be like where's my money this house mine. I'm the landlady. You're living here. You're now 19.

You have to pay your way, mate. Is he paid yet? When did this start, the rent? I've had about three lots of payments, guys. Nice. So he's solid. It's a nice place to be in it and it's regular and he's OK paying it. I thought he'd be a bit funny about it. Of course he fucking is, mate. He's paying £10 a week. He's OK with paying for it, it's good.

It's about one pound 15 a day. Are you feeding him? Well, to be fair, he feeds himself, he loves to eat. So he buys his own food? He sorts himself out, yeah, it's great. This is gonna happen for you guys. This is the future. So what's he doing at the moment then?

So he's finished like sixth form. Yeah. Because when we spoke to him before, was he doing And so he's finished like sixth form. Yeah. Cause when we spoke to before, was he doing that? He's doing a mechanic apprenticeship. Yeah. He finished that up. And then now he's DJ. He wants to be a DJ.

He didn't want to be a mechanic. He says it's just too dirty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. DJ was always like his passion. And I said, you know what? In life, you should do something where you actually love it

and you would do it for free something that you would do for free that becomes your passion and then that's how you work and you'll never work a day in your life really because you're doing something that you love yeah so he's doing DJ now and he's doing really well he's working alongside Fat Tony. I've read his book what's he like? Fat Tony's lovely he's got his birthday coming up soon I think we're going to his birthday party. And when I came home last night, Aidan was like,

will you come to the party with me? So he's still like that baby. Yeah. He's still got that baby manner, but he still wants to go to the grownup party. But he says, I don't want to go home. And what's his DJ name? Has he got a DJ name?

It was quite original actually. Yeah. It's DJ Aidan Hammond. DJ Aidan Hammond. original actually yeah. Go on. It's DJ Aidan Hammond. DJ Aidan Hammond. Because you really fly it under the radar then. Yeah. And how does he feel as a 19 year old DJ, I mean that's incredibly cool, how does he feel about you? Like because. What are you trying to say Josh? Yeah what are're implying there Josh? Well what I'm saying is you're his mum like not a lot of DJs would go I'm gonna bring my mum to Fat Tony who that party you're gonna have if it's Fat Tony's birthday you're gonna have Kate Moss yeah you're

gonna have that lot are gonna all be there Madonna and he's bringing his mum so does he see you as a really cool mum? Come on Josh that's such a a silly question, you know. It's Alison Hammond, he knows that his mommy's the coolest girl going around. He just knows, he feels it. He feels the energy. Feels the energy. Well I'd say like, any room you walk in Alison, you change the energy of that room.

Oh, what a lovely thing to say. For better or worse. For better or worse. Sometimes good. But no, but you do, so I think if he is a bit- You've ruined a lot of funerals, let's put it that way. He actually said to me, he said, if I take one of my mates, they never know how to be.

So I'd rather go with you. I was like, what do you mean they don't know how to be? Just if you don't take them to the party, then they never know how to be. You just take your mate. He says, no, I want to go with you. I think that is the point where you feel like you've succeeded. When your kids want to spend time with you, I think it's really nice. When did you learn how to be them?

Because you walk into a room, you are so unapologetically yourself, everyone warms to you, you give off this lovely energy. A lot of people would say you should apologize, but you don't, totally unapologetically. But you don't just like people please either. If someone says that, you'll be honest with them, of like, I don't wanna do that, or I don't like that,

or I do like that, or I do wanna do that. And you completely yourself. And I I've like, I don't want to do that. I don't like that. Or I do like that. Or I do want to do that. And you completely yourself. And I think a lot of people would like to be like that. And obviously when you're young, was you 19? Was you like that? Or did you learn it over time? I definitely think Aidan's a lot cooler than me. And I think I've learnt this through time.

You got to remember I'm 49 now. I'm not like a spring chicken anymore. You know what I mean? Despite how good you look. Exactly. I look about 12. I look 12, right? You do look, 12 wrong. You do look young. I think it's just like, I just like to treat people how I'd like to be treated. Like if I'm doing something wrong, I'd like someone to gently in love, tell me that I'm doing something wrong. And my mom used to do that for me. So if

I see something that maybe would benefit, especially with Aidan, he's quite malleable in the sense of he listens and he does take things on and he does learn from other people's mistakes, which is a great gift to have. If you're the sort of person who will learn from other people, it's a lovely thing. So if I see something in him, I can gently go, do you know what, maybe this way would be a better way to go, have a go at this. But I just noticed when he was doing that apprenticeship, I noticed he wasn't, he wasn't happy and he wasn't going to the gym. I used to say to him after work, go to

the gym man, cause he lifts up your spirits, you know, you're not going to the gym, he was stopping going. I could just see he wasn't happy. And I said, what's wrong? And he says, I'm just looking at these, these men and then none of them are happy, mom. I'm not happy. I just don't want to be doing this apprenticeship. Now the parent in me is like, finish the apprenticeship. You know, you've only got two years left. Finish the apprenticeship. That's the parent in me and the adult in me say,

just do it, just do it. It's going to go like that. But I could see he wasn't happy. And I just thought, you know what? This is a point where you got to listen to your child. And if he's not happy, then we need to change things up. I said, what do you want to do? And he said, I would love to do DJ. I said, well, if you want to go DJing, then you need to do it properly. We'll get you the best

lessons. And I suppose that I'm in fortunate position that I got him one of the best DJ trainers who trains all the celebrity DJs. It's the same as going to uni though, isn't it? To study medicine or something. You're paying for expertise to teach you a trade. It's the same thing. You're making that money back off him at 10 pounds a month. Exactly, it's coming back to me. But he's happy and that's the main thing. I've seen a change in him, you know,

he's started going to gym again, he's socializing with his mates again. He's just, he's a happier version of himself, which I'm over the moon by. So I will encourage him and support him as much as I can. Oh, that's nice. Hence why 10 pound a week. 10 pound a week.

How do you feel about him, you know, going into this world of DJing where it's drink, drugs, there's girls, there's groupies, there's all sorts going on. How do you feel about that? Cause it is a chew up and spit you out kind of industry. Yeah, and you know what? I know Aidan, I know number one, he's not into drugs, he's not into cigarettes, he's not into smoking,

he's really against vaping. So I knew straight away, we've got some good things there. The one thing Aidan does do is he does drink. So if anything, that was my biggest worry was the fact that he's a bit of a drinker, but also he's 19 years old. You know what 19 year old doesn't want to go and enjoy themselves. I just say, listen, do it in moderation. Not only that he's got the added situation where I'm your mom. So anything you do, unfortunately, this is your world. He's going to reflect on me. So yeah, there was a day where got came in, got quite. world. It is gonna reflect on me. So there was a day where Gok came in.

Gok won, yeah. He'd been out partying with Gok and Gok came up to me and said, I saw your son vomit in the other day. And I didn't know about it. So I went home and I was like, did you vomit? He'd be like, oh mom, I felt so sick. And I was like, what?

I saw you do it. I'm so sorry, guys. I said, just be aware of your behavior. Gar, do you know what? I'm so sorry, guys. I said, just be aware of your behavior. God, do you know what? I needed you for 20 years. From the age of 18 to 39, mate. 21 years I was from it. Oh yeah.

That's the thing you gotta remember, he's only 19. You gotta give him a little bit of space to be a teenager, you know what I mean? Let him be a teenager. Fat Tony as well is a good arm around his shoulder because he's been there, done it. He's been there, done it. Yeah.

Also, as much as you're saying, like, oh, you're in a position that you could help him get in DJ lessons and stuff, which is a benefit. But then also, the cost is that he's under the microscope. Because if he is out, going up to all sorts, it's an easy headline for the paper to go, Addison Hammond's crazy DJ son kind of headlines and stuff. So as much as he benefits from your career, there's also the negative sides of it.

So it is a balance, but he's only 19. He's so young. Also, it's an industry that is divorced from your industry. Completely. I have you down as a national treasure, Allison, but I don't know how much weight your name carries in Pasha and on Ibiza. It doesn't carry any weight whatsoever. They do not care.

And what I've loved about watching Aidan on this experience is he's actually learning it properly. It's not like just to get by. He learns DJ. He knows how to do it. He knows how to do vinyl. He knows that he knows how to do it properly. It's not like a joke.

You know what I mean? He takes it really seriously and he wants to be a credible DJ, which I watch him and I obviously I'm his mom. Yeah, he's actually really good at it. I'm actually quite impressed by him. And I'm looking up to him. I mean, I've had to go and I thought I can DJ, but I'm absolutely rubbish. I can't do it for the life of me. I can't. I can play it a little bit. I'm good with the MC. I'm very good with that. Really? Yeah. If it's agent DJ and a mean MC, it's really good.

Like garage MCing. Well, not really, just like, hey everyone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How you doing? Let's do this.

But I do it to the beat of the music. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure that'd be great with the beat. Yeah, sounds brilliant. That sounds brilliant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really good.

Sounds great, yeah. I mean, if you thought that was good, how shit was your fucking DJ? Ha ha ha ha ha. It was bad. I'm going to sound like I'm 400 years old here. Yeah. Does it use records or is it like, how does it work these days?

No, it's all digital. So it's all office. The laptop goes into the DJ and mix, you know, those little dongles. It carries sets around on a dongle. Right. So you might have like a pack of like six dongles, six different sets. Oh, right. And they can change it off a bit.

You mix the songs between the USB sticks and the decks. Yeah. You've got those kind of fake records, those two electric. Yeah. Fucking God. Yes, Josh. Yes, Josh. Exactly that. I think everyone knows that, don't they, Josh? I don't know. It's 12 inch vinyl. Surely Norman Kirk's still using his records, isn't he?

Well, it's a lot harder to do records mixing, really. I think it's a lot harder to do that. So if you get into that, that's brilliant. There's no art in that using the actual vinyl anymore, is it? It's just you're making it unnecessarily complicated. Yeah. The art is the beat and the mix, not the... So when did this happen?

Ages ago, I think, Joe. Everyone's turned over to it now. It's a digital world, darling, everywhere. Do you think Calvin Harris flies around the world with massive 12-inch vinyls? I think he can afford someone to take them for him. He's just logistically so much stuff. He's a multi, multi, multi-millionaire.

It's all about the dongles, but it's them little dongles. Oh, I need a new song. It's on a dongle. No, I want you to go down the record shop to get it. Which one? No one sells them anymore. Hang on. Um, all right. Vinyl? Vinyl's selling more than it ever has, Rob. Yeah, not ever. Yeah, ever.

They're selling more vinyls now than they did in the 80s. Well, yeah, because that was a... Anyway, it doesn't matter. We don't need to go into this. Talk to me about They're selling more vinyls now than they did in the 80s. Well, yeah, because that was the scene. Anyway, it doesn't matter. We don't need to go into this. Talk to me about something that's more my pace for the love of dogs. Oh, isn't it wonderful? What a lovely show. Two episodes in now. Do you know what? It's like therapy, guys.

It's like I go off to therapy, have loads of hugs and snuggles, and then I go home and I don't have to look after them. It's fantastic. It's the best job. It would be a bit unfair if you had a dog. Your schedule won't allow a dog really. The dog will be on its own. It's so weird because everyone's like, oh, she hasn't got a dog. I can't have a dog right here and now. Like literally I wouldn't be around. It would be unfair on Aidan.

It's not good for dogs if you had a dog. Well, I do love dogs and that's the reason why I haven't got a dog, you know what I mean? You've got to take it quite seriously. As a responsible adult. I mean, I watched you on a walk the other day, Rob, and you was there going, just don't get a dog. It takes over, doesn't it? Do you know what? In the weather, like in this country,

like I can see when people are having like LA, and they go for a little mooch around in the sun with like an iced coffee, but I'm trudging through the woods, I'm having a fucking breakdown every morning. And the dog's covered in shit, he's chewing on all sorts. I reckon you're a month from finding a dead body. You're the kind of person that finds dead bodies. It'll be my own.

Your dog's gonna discover my own dead body in the woods. I just think on behalf of dog walkers, it's been a very, very wet spring. It's been bleak since January. Been a lot, yeah. Been a lot, yeah. Lou don't pick up any dog poos, which does me, I do. If people haven't seen For the Love of Dogs, and I know that blows your mind, what happens on For the Love of Dogs?

So it follows the journey of Battersea, which is a charity that takes on abandoned dogs or people who just can't look after their dogs anymore. And we see their journey from coming into Battersea, some of them coming with injuries and stuff like that. So we see that journey of them going through the Battersea and the people, the volunteers looking after these lovely dogs. And then we see the journey of them getting there forever home, their new family. And it's just absolutely beautiful. The people that work at Battersea

are just diamonds. They are little angels who take care of these dogs, love these dogs. And obviously we know Paul O'Grady did such a massive thing for them in the sense of putting them on the map. Oh yeah, huge. It was incredible for the charity. Obviously we lost our beloved Paul, but we wanted to kind of carry on that legacy for Battersea, we wanted to keep it going and they asked me to do it and I was like, of course I'll do that without a doubt and I've just loved every minute of it, honestly those dogs are just beautiful. You're so good on it Alison, it's brilliant. And you were very picky about the shows you do as well.

First I was nervous about it, because I was like, well how can you ever bring it back? Paul O'Grady he's incredible with dogs, he's done so much for dogs so I was like obviously no one can replace Paul Jaffeine but I was thinking more of the charity and the dogs more than everything else and I was thinking well I do love dogs so let's do it for the dogs it's not for anyone else other than the dogs Let's get these dogs some homes. When's it on? It's on every Tuesday, ITV, eight o'clock. You've stepped into two pairs of like big shoes in the last couple of years. What is more nerve wracking, replacing Paul O'Grady on For the Love of Dogs or Bake Off? Because Bake Off obviously is another one where it's like, Oh my gosh. You're taking over the institutions, Alison. You're going to be doing the Christmas message

on Christmas Day. Surely Bake Off's a bit easier than Paul O'Grady because he's passed away and he's always sad, isn't it? No offence about Lucas, but. We're not stepping into Paul O'Grady's shoes. I'm kind of just putting my shoes next to where his ones were. Do you know what I mean? So his shoes will always be there and he is very much part of the show. But Bake Off was like a big thing as well because it was Matt, wasn't it?

And Matt Luka, who was incredible, Stanley Topswick did it, Mal and Sue, incredible presenters, but I just thought, you know what, I like cake, I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. What people seem to forget is I'm a TV presenter. That's what I'm brilliant. Listen, I know I'm good at TV presenting. You're better than good. You're the best at TV presenting. No, she said brilliant, but I had to slide back to the cumble.

I smash TV presenting. You do, you're amazing. I can do that. So whatever show you put me in, I know I can do that little bit. That's something that I'm sure of in myself that I'll be okay. All I have to do is go in, be myself.

Be interested. And be interested, yeah, and listen. And how often on this morning do you think I'm not interested? I don't care about your album. Sometimes I'm not interested. I don't care about your album. Sometimes I'm a little bit tired and I do nearly fall asleep on the phonings. I get tired when it's serious.

But it's not because they're boring, it's because I'm genuinely tired and I think I'm just getting old. Yeah. Also, well, when it's something serious, and I think we're very similar, where we try and look at the positive and have fun. If someone's got a serious problem and there's a serious person on the panel answering it seriously, I sort of go, I can't show emotion in case I'm being insensitive, so I'll shut down, but I will nearly fall asleep because my body's relaxing. Rob, I would say, if Rob hosted this morning

for, is it three hours? I'd say yeah Two hours 40 would be the most fun show ever Yeah, and 20 minutes of it would be bizarre as Rob interviewed a man who'd recovered from Testicular cancer and Rob basically went into standby mode and just sat there Go vacant as he didn't know what to say. You know what? I think with this morning, you two would be a great addition. I don't know if they're missing a trick,

but I think you two together would have been ideal. Fucking hell. They'll get us doing all, you know, they sometimes do the slightly raunchy, saucy stuff when Valentine's is coming up. Yes. They'll get me and Josh to do that to see how awkward Josh will go. Can you imagine me and Rob, do they still do the high street fashion catwalk thing

where they'll bring out like three outfits and me and Rob are like, that is a good look for the beach, isn't it? Yeah. I've never been confident enough to wear flares, but you know what? Seeing them there, and I'm just going to call them bell buttons. You can just buy them in H&M. Blimey. Oh, no, I could see you two doing the competition. Oh, like Andy Peters.

In Disney. Can you talk to you about that? Because you've done that. Is that the biggest fucking, the best gig on TV? Have we talked about this before? I'm going to be honest with you. It is one of the best. He literally goes around doing competitions.

And really, you're not trying to be sad. He's happy TV all the time. You're giving away money. I mean, what more do you want? And he gets to travel to all the places that you could go. Let's do it, Josh. Yeah. Let's do a competition and let's do a segment.

We're like, so we're here today. Josh, have you ever used anal beads? It's Valentine's. Once or twice. And can I say it is a game changer? No, guys, you can't do it like that. You can't put across your own opinions because then you'd be in the press. Right.

So try and do that again. Yep. Try and deflect it if you can. Go on, go again. OK, cool. So Valentine's coming up. It's time for couples to sort of show each other some love and care over the Valentine's period.

Now, Josh, have you ever experienced anal beads? I have. Do you know what? And I can't commit whether I loved it or hated it, but it happened. Thank you very much, Josh. No. Josh, you should have just said, listen, I can't confirm whether I've used them or not.

No. Because now, tomorrow, there's a big story about you using anal beads. Yeah, okay, right. And your son's trying to be a DJ, Josh. Now, you asked me about anal beads and I'll try and do it. You'd ask me this time. OK. Deflect it, deflect.

OK. Ramesh, I'm sorry. Pardon? Sorry, Nish. Do you know what happened? I was thinking I should have said Ramesh uses anal beads to deflect it. And then I had that name in my head. Anyway, Rob, Valentine's is coming up this week. Yes, yes, absolutely. It's a romantic time for couples.

Have you ever used anal beads? Not these ones here, no, but I've used ones similar to these. No! I see you have used them. Yeah, yeah. I can't help. So, Alison, are you telling me if you've used anal beads,

you just have to say, no, you haven't? No, because then you're giving your own view. Do it to me, do it to me, do it to me. Drop back here with Alison Hammond on this morning. It's a lovely feature coming up, Alison, today about Valentine's Day and the new things couples are using to spice things up in the bedroom. Anal beads, have you used them before?

I've never even heard of them. What is that? Well, they're basically a sex toy you insert into your anus for pleasure. Never heard of it, no, I've never done that in my life. No, I'd say, well, here they are. You pop off for 10 minutes. I'll steer the ship.

You know what? I'm going to pass on that one. I'm going to pass on that one. You and Giles Brandreth, go and knock yourselves out. Giles, over to you. Did you see how I deflected in every round? Yeah, that was perfect. Did you see?

You've got to learn that little technique. See, you've done so many things now. Your careers lasted so long since Big Brother. Because you've sort of almost done like the entry level jobs of TV presenting up to like, sort of the main one. You're like Jamie Vardy, who played in non league and then went up. Do you know what I mean? They say it doesn't happen very much anymore. Yeah, I've heard the stripes. Totally. So what would you say now to Aidan or anyone else starting out in an in an industry at 19? So how old were you on Big Brother, 19, 20?

No, you thought I was that young? I was actually 27 when I did Big Brother. 27? Yeah, I was 27 when I did Big Brother. I just say, you know what, you've got to grab them. Sometimes it's beneficial to do things for free as well. Like a lot of people are not doing that for free. So many things I did for free, like, cause I actually enjoyed my job and it's learning your trade, isn't it? You're not going to be brilliant straight away. You're going to be a bit rubbish. Like, do you know what?

I remember when I started standup, telling my dad about all these gigs I was doing, I was like, you don't get paid. And he was like, what? You're not being paid for this. And he was like, what? You're not being paid for this. And he was like, you should just say, well, I'm not going to do it unless you pay me 20 quid. I was like, I'm not good enough to say that. I spent two years basically earning nothing. You spent two years basically earning nothing. You don't like the odd 50 quid here or there.

But not enough for it to be your job. Not enough for it to make any difference. And you're just doing it for free. But you're kind of learning your trade though you're learning how to cultivate you you clock in how the audience thinks and that's the same thing so you know if anyone wants you to do a part just go and do it because you're still gonna be learning and testing out your it's okay to do stuff for free all the time you don't want people taking the big thing out of you. But ultimately, it's okay to do some things for free. I think that's, like it was a passion. I enjoyed doing television. I enjoyed just being myself. It was nice to do it anyway. So I'd help out and do stuff for free as well. We used to do loads of panel shows for free, didn't we, Josh? You know, when we were young comedians, we were professionals, but they were working up ideas for the more

established people on telly. You'd go to a production office, sit there and basically do the panel show in an office all day for no money, but they'd go, oh, the producers are there or the commissioners there so they get to see you and stuff like that. We'd started this podcast for free, didn't we, Josh? Yeah, exactly. We'd had no money off this podcast for the first sort of three to six months until it

was fully established. Look at you two now. Look at you two now. Look at us two now. Rob's almost got enough money to totally soundproof his wall. Nearly look. A couple of bits at the top though. No expense spared there with flapping soundproof. But the thing is you never know who you're going to meet, I say to Aidan, you never know who you're going gonna meet at a gig. So go, someone might see you playing, whatever. And also if you're doing it from mate's birthday and stuff, you're making mistakes in private, do you know what I mean? Because you've got to make those mistakes somewhere. And also it's nice to be nice. I've got an extra question on that, which is what were the weirdest things you ended up doing, like when you were

trying to break into television? Very good question, Josh. Thank you. Very good question. I'm sure me and Rob did a pilot for free once on a bus. It might have been for free. I can't remember. We did something on a bus. Me, you and Milvino Doom. Alison Hammond, Rob Beckett, Milvino Doom. And actually, it was so cringe. I think it was actually quite a good idea. But it sort of just it got a bit complicated where me, Alison Hammond and Melvin O'Doom

are in a basically massive touring bus. Oh, like a tour bus? Yeah, like a tour bus thing that bands would have. And we drive around the country and park it up and then do pranks. But the problem is, if you're trying to do pranks, it's quite hard to hide Melvin O'Doom, Rebecca and Alison Hammond on a tour bus in a city center.

And are you driving it yourself or are you just being driven around? No, we're at the top. You're at the top? We had a good bit where we had to go in the street and we was in each other's ears telling each other what to do and say, which was quite a good fun. Oh, it was so cringe, Josh. I wanted to die. It was cringe. It was so cringe, rather.

And then they did a prank where they set up a house and they've got estate agents to try and sell the house, but loads of mad stuff was going on. There was leaks, there was fires. Yeah. But we had a couple of people, and I think Alison remembered, tell me what your version of this is. But we basically, by the end of the day,

I got a bit stressed because I don't like pranking people. Could I just ask, are you the estate agent or are you the- No, no, no. No, they're real estate agents. We were in the bus with a telly with a real boss of an estate agent,

and then their newest employee they've wound up. Oh fuck. So there was a couple that was okay, then there was this poor girl, he must have been what, 17, that had been sent into his house and her boss was sort of like older and a bit like flash wash, flash go yeah I'm gonna fuck yeah. Oh it's gonna be well funny when we wind her up and then I took an instant dislike to him didn't I?

And then I'm nearly having a fucking fight with him because I thought it was being mean. So awkward. It was just so awkward. Like, they made me dance out in the streets for hours. Like, you know what? Hence, we didn't get the commission, but we did it for free.

And we've got a story to tell from it. And we did have a laugh that day, didn't we? Yeah, no, he was funny. And that was like the first time I kind of worked with you. So it was nice that I made that connection with you in a way. And Melvin's so lovely as well. We had a great us three work perfect. But it was just a bit complicated.

All right, mate. That estate agent guy. Oh, I still think about him sometimes. You were cracking up when I was getting annoyed with him. I know, it's so funny. When Rob takes a dislike to someone, it's game over. Tell you what I always like doing. I like when people contact me like, they might contact me on Facebook and they go,

oh, and they don't think that I'm going to reply. and they go. Oh, we've got an opening to our face on Saturday And if I'm free I'll text them back like literally an hour before and go I'm on my way. Where you gonna be? I love doing stuff like that where they really don't think I'm gonna rock. Yeah, and I'll rock up to like some face That's for free. Oh, that's nice. It actually makes me feel really good, you know what I mean? Like getting on the microphone,

hi everyone. That's a good way of doing it as well, just before as well, because then sometimes if you're there too much, then you have to cancel it for the last minute. If you can get there just an hour before. But then you text them an hour before and they go, we've already got Kate Lawler now,

we didn't think you were gonna turn up. What are you doing here? Yes. Melvin O'Doombs turned up in a double decker. Things like that, or, you know, like, a lot of people go on this, I can't remember what it's called, but you know, when you go on and you do video messages,

but you do it for money. Cameo, yeah. Cameo, I mean, I've been thinking about doing it because it's good money, but then I was thinking, I don't want the stress. I don't want the stress of maybe doing it or not doing it. You'd be so popular on Cameo that you'd be spending. No, I wouldn't have no life, would I?

James Buckley spends hours on it, doesn't he? Yeah. So literally, I just do it for free whenever I can. Like they're sending stuff to my agent or to this boy and I'll just do it for free. I don't mind. You're a good egg, Alison. You're a good person.

Now, Alison, has Aidan brought anyone home yet? Any boyfriends or girlfriends or anything like that? He did bring a girlfriend home. who was really nice, actually. She was a lovely girl. I really liked her. But he then went off with his mates to Zantii, had a lovely time. Yeah. Came back and they kind of finished and I was like, why did it finish? And he was like, well, I think she might have thought that I might have been naughty in Zantii. I said, what are you naughty in Zantii?

He said, no, I just had a good time with my mates and stuff like that. Yeah. I was like, aw, at that age they're a bit insecure. And yeah, but I think he's happy being single at the moment. I think he just chilled being single and he's happy. I think he's happy with his career, happy with his gaming and his mates and stuff like that. So he's got no love interest at the moment.

How did you feel about him going zanty? Cause that's sort of 19 lads holiday. I thought we had to do it, didn't they? Yeah. I'm always saying go and enjoy yourself. I encourage you. I just think I want you to have as much fun as possible. And how often were you speaking to him in Zante? I didn't hear from him at all. Really? Maybe a text when he landed

and then a text when he was on his way back But I watched his Instagram. So I knew I knew is having a good time. I'm not he's I'm not the biggest mommy stalker Anything he posts like literally pings me straight away. I want a ping. I want a notification When does aid and post comes through? I'm obsessed with you can do that. Have you got him on Friend Finder? You know, where you pinpoint location? Of course I've got him on Friends. Literally know where he's at all times. But also he knows where I am at all times. Yeah, he just turns on the TV, doesn't he? Yeah, he literally turns on the television.

So he's either in a tent or in Battersea. He's a little bit like, like if I'm texting someone so I was like, he texts him, like a friend. And he's like, okay, he's interested in my life. Yeah. Are you single, Alison? No, I'm not single. I'm dating. Okay.

I'm dating. So how does that work? That when obviously, you know, if you're a single parent and then you start to date more and then your child's grown, is it easier now that he's, you know, I know he's only 19 but, sort of an adult than he would have been when he was sort of a teenager because I feel like... I think it's more difficult. I think he's more verbal now that he's older. He will want to know who this person is and he'll want to meet them. It's harder in a way. It's a lot harder, yeah, because he'll want to know that he's, this guy is treating me well. The person that I'm seeing at the moment, he's like on his Instagram.

He's like, yeah, I like him. I like him. He's not too in your face. Aidan's on it. And when they actually met, he really liked him and really thought he was lovely. So that's nice. Thank goodness for that.

Cause normally Aidan hates anybody I date. Really? Literally. She's not interested in it. And you just know at that point, if Aidan doesn't like them, this isn't gonna work. Oh, I've got to tell you, he's like the parent almost. Yes, definitely. There are moments I think,

who's the parent here, do you know what I mean? I do feel that sometimes. It's nice though, because it's like I've got somebody always there protecting me, looking over me. And he reminds me a little bit of my mom. Some of the things he says, for instance, like, I wanted to get a tattoo, I wanted to things he says, for instance, like I wanted to get a tattoo. I wanted to get a heart on my wrist.

And I wanted to get a tattoo. My mom hated tattoos. And I was literally on the way to the tattoo to get this. And I saw Aiden on route. He was coming back from the gym and I stopped. He says, wait, you going like that? I says, I'll just out. And he was like, no, where are you going?

I says, to be honest with you, Aidan, and I turned into like mother. I was like, I'm actually getting a tattoo. I'm getting a heart on my wrist. He went, no, you're not. He literally looked at me and went, no, you're not. Nanny wouldn't have liked it. And as soon as he said that,

I turned the car around and went home. Oh, my word. I didn't even do it. So it's all right. I found these pretend tattoos that I now put on my wrists, which are pretend the last two weeks. And I put them on my wrist because I really wanted this heart on my wrist. I don't know why I put it in my head that I could have a heart on my wrist.

Are you seven? As soon as he said it, he just touched a nerve and I was like, I'm not getting one. How are you going to feel when he says to you, I'm getting, I'm getting, I'm moving to London to follow my DJing dream. Oh, yes. Yeah. So he's living in a different city. He's not living with you anymore.

You're 40 quid out of pocket. You broke hands with Sky Sports. You forget to, so you're already, you know, it's getting worse. He's doing bake off extra slice as well. If he moves to London, obviously I'm going to be gutted because like he's been with me for 19 years, you know what I mean? But I would totally encourage him to follow his dreams. If that's what he wants, he wants to move to London.

I'd probably stay over his house every so often, you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, you're down there quite a lot anyway, aren't you? You know, the week so you could just stay there a bit longer. Yeah. You'll be in with him. But I always encourage him to do what he wants to do. It's his life. You know what I mean? You're such a good a bit longer. Yeah. You'll be in with him. But I always encourage him to do what he wants to do. It's his life, do you know what I mean? You're such a good mum, Alison. Yeah.

It's so refreshing to hear, I think, someone talk that way about their kids, because it's so easy to be overprotective and stuff like that. And I think it's great to see someone got such a good approach. The thing is, our job as parents is to be kinder and be wiser, isn't it? And to love and to guide. Yeah. It's not to like live their life. It's to just be there for them really

to nurture and guide them in the right direction. And hopefully they take on your values and some of your values and just turn out to be nice people. And ultimately, like I look at Ada, I just think he's actually a really nice guy. He's lovely. I want to be his mate, do you know what I mean? He's got a great energy as well.

Well, you meet a lot of people who've got like teenagers or young adult kids. Yeah, and they're brats. Brats or a bit smug, a bit arrogant. He's just sort of a really good guy, very polite, says hello, smiling. But not sort of scared and shy. He's very confident and a happy, happy lad, but he's great. Which of your TV shows is the one you like the most? Oh, you can't say that, but that's a hard question.

Liz, either that or Aiden's anecdote, Alison. No, no. There's different reasons. I like this morning because it's so different and nothing is the same. Yeah. No two shows in the same. I like Smart TV because it shows a different side of me. Yeah. Like the Norton side. And you two are just the best.

It's so funny. It's so, so good. A lot of people have had loads of good feedback from that actually. Loads of people stopping me. They don't always stop you in the street for certain shows, but then some shows people do and they're like, oh, we enjoyed that. So yeah, that's good. Hopefully do some more. But it's also made me really cool with my son and his mates. Oh really?

Smart TV has made me cool. Yeah. Do they know Josh is on it? You know, Josh is like a Don in the teenage world, you know. Is he? Is he? Yeah, people love him. I don't say I was that surprised in your voice. I'm really surprised. A lot of the time they go, what is that Josh like? I'm like, he's cool, he's my mate. And I'm right in there. So you've made me really cool with the kids, that show definitely. That's cool, that's cool. Oh, that's good.

Bape off is just, well, I just started filming Bape off yesterday. Oh my gosh. I've never seen the tent so cold. Oh yeah, of course it's been. Honestly, I thought I was gonna get- Someone turn their fucking oven up. Come on guys.

All the cakes burn. It was freezing. Yeah, because also you have to dress all summery and look like, oh, isn't it? That is miserable. I had my thermals on underneath my dress. Oh, it was so cold. But I love that show for the cake. Yeah. People don't realize I am literally there for the cake. Do you get to eat all the cakes?

After every bake, you're allowed to taste every bake. But the mash you're put on a stone, it's took me a year to take that stone off. Really? So now I'm only eating if they get a handshake or the winner of a section, whoever wins, like, gets the best. Oh, that's a good rule.

If a handshake were the... Handshake one, I'll taste that one, but anything else, sorry, I'm not going there. You should get a spit bucket like when people taste wine. Can't spit it. As soon as it goes in my mouth, I've got to swallow it. I love it. Right, Alison, come on, you've told us about the small infe...

You can't get headlines like that. You can't have a go at me for anal beads and start dishing them out. So a handshake and if they win, so that's four cakes a show. Well, no, not necessarily. He might not do a handshake. He might not do a handshake and if they win, so that's four cakes a show. Well, no, not necessarily. He might not do a handshake. He might not do a handshake in a show. He only does a handshake every so often. But if he does a handshake, I'm going to taste that cake without a doubt. He don't dish out many handshakes, does he? So, I mean, if he does no handshakes, there'd be no cake that I'm tasting.

What's the level with the celebrities? How bad are they at it compared to the normal people? Well some of them take it really seriously and like get lessons before. That's worse isn't it? Yeah. It makes me itchy when they take it serious. Does it? Oh yeah. Some people take it really seriously.

Yeah. Like Dermot O'Leary took it seriously. Didn't Alexandra Burke, she took it really seriously didn't she? Alexandra Burke, when I got a handshake from Paul Hollywood in front of Alexandra Burke, she took it really seriously, didn't she? Alexandra Burke, when I got a handshake from Paul Hollywood in front of Alexandra Burke, I felt eyes burning into the back of my head. And because you do two bakes and then you come back for the final bake the next day, it's filmed over two days.

When we came back the next day, that night, Alexandra Burke had remade the stuff at home that she'd done in the tent and allowed Prue and Paul to taste it again the next morning. Don't you stay in a hotel? Was she in the hotel kitchen just knocking it out of the guys? I'm sorry. I think she lived nearby. Well, I don't know. She might have gone home. She might have gone home. Some people go home.

Me and Tom Allen went out for dinner, right, because we were in a hotel around the corner. And we went over dinner and we got absolutely shitfate. When I'm baking that big diversion cake, I don't know what day of the week it is. I think Tom was still drunk because he went on a big rant about his cake, but we were battered, high on a handshake. And then we completely failed. And Alexandra Burke rightly won.

But yes, she did rebake and bring them in the next day. With anything she does, she puts her heart and soul into everything, doesn't she? So she would have taken that seriously. She would have definitely. No, she's very focused. Who's the celebrity that's taken it most, is anyone? Dermot O'Leary, very seriously.

Really? Yeah, but he tried to act as if he didn't really take it seriously. Oh, that's the worst. When he got a handshake, he was still eating a bit of cake. But I think he was really overwhelmed when he got that handshake, he was like still eating a bit of cake. Well, I think he was not really overwhelmed when he got that handshake. But he's still like, with such coolness. I was like, was you even happy when you got a handshake? He's like, I'm so overwhelmed.

It's like he would have got eating some biscuits, something like that. When you got a handshake, I can't believe it. He's good at looking cool and calm, Dermot, isn't he? I don't know how he does it. He's just one of them people who can just look cool and calm at all times. He always looks neat and tidy as well and very well presented. Everything fits him right. And he's got kids. I'm like, I always look like a bag of shit. I always look like I've just been kicked out of a gym.

Yeah, he's always got lovely well ironed slacks, hasn't he? Like well ironed chinos and like a nice polo shirt. Yeah, I don't know how he does it. But even when he's not on telly, just like when he's like doing the radio or if he's he just gets on like a FaceTime or something, he always looks really well turned out. Do you reckon he's got a steamer? I thought it was going to be like,

do you reckon he's got a personal assistant? Not do you reckon he's got a steamer? I reckon he's got staff. Do you reckon? Yeah, we'll have to get him on and ask Rob. Yeah, we need Dermot on. He's written a kids book as well. We're up to put a good wording for you. Yeah, tell him on Friday. Do you reckon? Yeah. We'll have to get him on and ask Rob. Yeah, we need Dermot on. He's written a kids book as well. Yeah, I'm gonna put a good word in for you.

Oh yeah, tell him on Friday. We love Dermot. How did Adam Hills do on Bake Off? It did really well. Oh, for fuck's sake. No, it did really well. He made something from Australia, type of biscuit or something like that.

He did really well. Tim Tam? Tim Tam. Yeah, Tim Tam. He made a Tim Tam. It's like penguins for Aussies. Have a fucking day off, Aussie. Right. Alison, absolute pleasure.

Good luck with the love of dogs this morning. Bake off Smart TV. You're flying. Everyone loves you. Thank you both. Give Aidan our love with his DJing. Yeah. And thank you for all your support and everything that you do for me as well.

Oh, don't be silly. That would be a bit rude, didn't it? Like, you do other things. You don't do other things for me. We want Alison on form if I have to send in Josh to do a job. Pass the anal beads, Rob, pass the anal beads. This is the only podcast to listen to

and you know I don't do podcasts. Well, we need to get your run set up. I'd love it, I'd love it. I'll talk to the little man and see what he says. What, Michael? No, Aidan. Yeah, I'm joking. I'm joking.

I'm joking. I'm joking. Right, anyway, love you. See you later, Alison. See you later, darling. Bye,iden. Yeah, I'm joking. Right, anyway, love you. See you later, Alison. Goodnight, darling. Bye, bye. Cheers, bye. Alison Hammond.

Oh. Love Alison Hammond. What a woman. What a woman. What a treat. What is there to be said about Alison Hammond that's not been said? Yeah.

I don't know what that means. It's sort of like what someone says on telly or radio. Got a hammer here, don't know why. Just picked that up. I remember a joke. Do you know when you like remember a joke from like TV? I was so obsessed with comedy. I'd like remember jokes they said. Oh, they think it's all over. They said, what can you say about Linford Christie that

has been said, he's slow and he's got a small penis. It's a great joke. It's a great joke. Bit of fun. Oh, bit of fun. Right, see you next time Josh, that was Alison Ammons. See you next time. Bye. I'm Natalie Cassidy and I've been wanting to do a podcast of my own for a very long time and here it is. I'm going to be talking each week to family, friends, most importantly, you. I want to talk about the issues that are bothering me, things that make me smile, and how we get through that washing basket without having a nervous breakdown.

This is a podcast for the general public, for the normal people. So get on board, become part of my community, and let's have a laugh. Mum? What is it? Are we there yet? Hello there, it's me, Harry Hill. I've got a brand new podcast. It's called Are We There Yet? And it's the world's first family-friendly podcast that's designed to get you from A to B. Join me, my son, Gary, and Sarah the AI Bot.

Hello, Harry. As we delve into the childhood memories of our motley crew of comedians, celebrities and cultural icons. As for Boots the Monkey, he's gone completely into hiding. It's made my carrots fatter, not longer. Fatter. Touch that tree, touch that tree. And if that wasn't enough, there's a fascinating weekly theme. Ants, blood, the moon and many more. I need you to take part as my son Gary needs jokes for when he takes over the family business.

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