Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP35: The Scariest Kids Movies

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] And if you're just joining us, we're live from Evan's living room.

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Try the other side. Get started at Fizz.ca. If you need some time to think it over, here's five seconds. Certain conditions apply. Details at phys.ca. Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with... Can you say Josh? Can you say Josh? Widdicombe. Jus.

Widdicombe. Wicum. Widicum. Cum. Rob. Beckett. Yay, clever boy. I like that kid, he had a funny laugh. Yeah, he was cheeky wasn't he? Oh, he's got a good name as well.

Eddie, that's a good name. If I had a boy, I wanted Edward to call him Eddie and Ted. Teddy is good. With your kid, I think it's good to have a name that you can manipulate into loads of different ones. Yeah, no, I know what you mean. You don't want to be trapped. No, you don't want to be trapped.

You know, so with Edward, Eddie is good. You can do a lot with that. Hello, you're section relatable. Absolutely love the podcast. It's definitely helped me through the early days and beyond of navigating parenthood. It's my two and a half year old son, Eddie, saying your names.

He's lovable, nonstop little boy who's always making people laugh, but showing signs of developing one hell of an attitude. God help me and my husband. Thank you for all the laughs. Keep up the good work. Meg and, oh Meg, sorry. Megs, Meggie, Meggo, Megladon. There we go good work Megan a Meg. Sorry Meg's Maggie Meggo Megalodon

There we go. Maggie. She's really made on toast Meg on toast. Oh, yeah, Megan bacon. Yeah boiled Meg. Yeah, just Meg Yeah, that is a name of that back not man. Yeah, it's good. It's good. Just you know, it's a bit aspect a liar hearted fun. Exactly. I hope you're unbully friendly those names at school Meg. Right. So smeg. That would be one minute. That'd be the fun.

Smeg is a horrible word, isn't it? Weird, isn't it? Weird thing to name a fridge. It's weird that isn't it? Where you keep food. It's like fridges and obviously the rude word that was used all the time on Red Dwarf when I was growing up. Did I tell you? I don't know if I've told you this before, but I did the air conditioning and

refrigeration awards. And they had can-can girls on, you know, sort of big, free, like, yeah, kicking their legs in the air, big boots, big dresses and stuff, and big sort of pantaloon. And then at the end, they sort of, I don't like the end, but they sort of Oh, do they sort of shake the bum. This was about 10 years ago. I don't think that's happening anymore. No offense. I'm not sure.

Sorry, no, it might be happening at the kind of, where is native to France, but I think it's happening at the kitchen supplier awards. No, it wasn't the air condition. This was about 15 years ago, to be fair to the aircon at different times. And each one of the girls had had a sponsor, a bit of paper attached to the pantaloons. So there was a whirlpool bomb. So new see, and some poor girl and had

smegger it on my ass. Oh, my God. I was heading my hands going guys, come on. Let's just let's not let's not do that. We don't need this. It's a great night. You've got some comedy, you've got lovely dinner. We don't need this. But yeah, I got reminded of that because I did an awards last night in the same venue. And the DJ come up to me and said, Oh, I listened to the podcast. I was like, Oh, yeah, have you got kids? Yeah, one. And he went, when I first started listening before we had kids, I was like, Oh, maybe this is just like the worst case scenario for having kids, like Yeah, one. And he went, when I first started listening, before we had kids, I was like,

oh, maybe this is just like the worst case scenario for having kids, like all the stories. And he went, then once I had a kid, I realized it's just the norm. And today, before I come to work, my daughter said she needed a poo, but then she did a poo in a nappy, pulled a nappy down, put it on the floor,

and before I could get to it, just booted it across the floor. Oh my God. Oh my God. I don't think that is the norm actually, mate. That's the worst case scenario. I've never had that. So, but he listened to us thinking it was the worst case scenario, but his reality was worse. His reality is worse. Actually, we're living an easier parenting life than he is. Well, we are near us. Have you ever had a nappy volleyed across the-? Nappy volleyed? No, but I've sort of grabbed one, you know,

when you sort of like, of lost that in that bag and you put your hand in it. Oh my god, it's a fucking nappy. Trying to find a bin for a nappy when you're at someone's house is always quite a chore. I've got, I've got nappy. Just put it in the normal bin and go, no, no, it's not a wee. Oh, okay. Basically, I would try to be polite. You're just put in the fucking street. Yeah. Go and find a street bin. What would you, would you go, if it was in a nappy bag, would you be all right with it in the normal bin? Not if it was a proper big, like, cause it's weird. When they're babies, it's like nothing,

but when they get to about two and they're still in nappies, it's just like a bloke's shit. Yeah. If I had done a shit in a bag, I went, where shall I pop this? Yeah. I've tied it up, it a bag, I went, where shall I pop this? Yeah. I've tied it up. It's a perfumed bag. Where shall I pop it? I still don't think it'd be okay if you did it in the, in the straight bin either. No, I mean your own shit.

No, yeah, but I'd normally go to the toilet, but I'm saying if it was in a bag, I think a street bin, you know, all your black bin and in the wheelie bin out in the front of your house. Yeah, yeah. I think I just think with your own shit, you've got to go with your you've got to go toilet or or leave. Josh, you have I don't know why this isn't a debate. If you need to go to the toilet at someone's house, you either do it in their toilet or you go home. Yeah, don't shit. I've never suggested you shit in a bag.

Oh, good. I'm just correcting you. I'm not shitting in bags. Where should I pop this? Oh dear, how are you Josh? All right. Yeah, I'm good. Actually, I'm fine. Do you ever use the nappy bin? Like for others? Oh, you haven't got a nappy bin anymore? Have you? No, but we never really had a nappy bin. We always just used to put it in the outside bin, like straight away kind of thing. We didn't have one of those nappy bins, you put it in

and then it's really satisfying. And then you turn it and it kind of, it kind of creates a kind of so do you put the nappy in a bag or just a nappy straight in a little section of the bin? You've got this bin. Yeah, so difficult. It's so difficult to describe. It's unbelievable. Cool. Can I look at it? That'll help. nappy bin.

Okay, brilliant. Thanks for that. So is it Tommy TP twist? This is it Tommy Teepee? Twist? This is it. Twist and click. Okay. Right. Yeah, I've got it now. And you put the nappy in, you kind of force it down. Yeah. And then it goes in and you turn it and it creates each thing's kind of almost in its own suction to keep the... Right, it almost vacuums it so it doesn't smell. Okay, that's good. It's great. But occasionally I'll just walk past and I'll be like, I'll put that.

Yeah, but then it's just a haunting. You've got a haunting reminder of a tube of shit that needs sorting. Yeah, it's yeah, because I'm taking that out in the one go you because you don't want it fill it up. It's mad when you take it out in one go. You've just got this kind of shit snake. We've got like a metal bin out in the garden for dog poos that like we'll

bag them up and put them in there and then I'll do that in one go. But I tell you what, I had the idea in winter. Oh god. When it comes to summer, that's gonna be awful. How much for you to get in that bin now and do the rest of the podcast? Well, I couldn't get in the bin because it's quite a small bin. All right. But to put my head, to open it and put my head in it, and not like, not lift it up and fall it on my head, but just to put my head in it. I'd say you're looking at hundreds of thousands. I'd do it for less than that. If it was, you could put your head in it, but if you're looking at hundreds of thousands. I'd do it for less than that. If it was you could put your head in it. If you're

sick, you lose the money. It'd have to be I think I don't think I could do you think you would be sick? I think I would be sick. So it'd be pointless because I wouldn't get the money. So I'd have to do it for a large amount. But yeah, I'd immediately even when I'm stood up probably three feet away from it, I wretch. Oh my god.

So I don't think I could do it. What is the best thing to do in that? I So I don't think I could do it. What is the best thing to do in that? I don't see what your other option is really. What, with dog poop? Yeah. Well no, you could go and like put it in your, when you take the black bin out you could put them in there. But what I normally do is store a few in there and then when I take the black bin liner out I'll put them in there and then do it in one. Oh gosh having a dog, having a dog is mad. It's two dogs.

Two dogs. Yeah, it's mad. It is stupid, actually. I like walking them. I really enjoy walking them. But just I struggle when I come home and they're really excited to see me and I've been out all day. Yeah, I've just got nothing in the tank here, lads. Yeah, the energy has gone. in the tank here, lads. The energy has gone. It's all right when the kids are home because then they get loads of attention. But yeah, when Lou

goes away or the kids go away, and it's just me and the dogs go get up, I'll walk them in the morning. And then if I'm out for a long day, I might get the dog walkers to do another walk in the afternoon so they're not indoors all down their own. But if that hasn't happened, they get home and they're like, what are we doing then? Let's go. It's like arriving at a stag do at midnight. But I think that's because they're young as well. The older dogs don't care.

He just sort of sits on the sofa. But yeah, that's my dogs. And that's covered a lot of poo there, aren't we? Now, Josh, we need to do a, oh, by the way, my daughter's entered a poetry competition at school, you know what it is? Yeah, and she's written a, it's by the way, my daughter's entered a poetry competition at school. Oh yeah? Yeah, and she's written a her, it's about, do you need a poem about dreams? She's written one about having nightmares. Oh, well that's a good twist.

Well, is it? Well, it's like the blood spills from my head, the monsters come up my sleeve, and all that. Please don't make me go to bed tomorrow. I don't want to go to bed, I need calmness in my head. Oh my fucking God. What have I got here? What have I got here? Chimp on the old block. Baby reindeer on the case here. So hopefully she's just expressing herself, not crying for help, but we'll find out. But you know, if it gets her into the next round of the comp. If it helps, Rob. Yeah.

I always find with comedians, the ones that feel the darkest, actually you're quite a good exception to this. But I'd say the ones, and this is a good rule of thumb if you're watching TV at home, the darker ones generally are, or angrier ones, or grumpier ones. Your Ramesh's, your Jack D's.

Yeah. Your Frankie Boyle is a good example. Quite soft, nice, do you know what I mean? They're getting something out in their art, but actually they're often the kindest and nicest. Whereas the ones that are going on about how nice they are the whole time, they're the ones you want to fucking watch. They're the serial killers.

They're the fucking sociopaths, mate. Exactly. You can express it maybe. Do you know what I heard? I read a good thing. I followed this Instagram account that I got recommended that has like, occasionally quite trite stuff on it about- What does trite mean? Like cliched kind of lifeless-

Oh, like, you know, live every day like it's your last. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that kind of stuff. But there's some good stuff- Love yourself and live, laugh, love. Yeah, yeah. Don't trust women, stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, exactly. What?

Sorry, I don't want to come- They're always, they're snakes and they will absolutely. Pigs. Yeah. But it was cool. It said, why good parents have naughty children. Right. And I read it and I thought that's a really good, should I read it to you? Yeah. Because it's quite good for this podcast, isn't it? I mean, it's the perfect place. Yeah. Imagine two very different kinds of families, each around their own dinner table on a typical evening. In family the one the child is very well behaved.

They say how nice the food is they talk about what happened at school. They go off and finish their homework when they're done. In family two, it's rather different. They call their mother an idiot. They snort with derision when their father says something. Yes. If the parents ask how their homework is going, they storm off and slam the door. It looks like everything's going well for family one and very badly for family two. But if we look inside the child's mind, we get a very different picture. In family one, the so-called good child has inside them a whole range of emotions that they keep out of sight. Not because they want to, because they don't feel they have the option to be tolerated, but they really

are. In family two, the so-called bad child knows that things are robust. The environment is warm and strong enough to absorb their aggression, anger, dirtiness or disappointment. As a result, there's an unexpected item. The good child is heading for problems in adult life, typically to excessive compliance and unbearably harsh conscience. The naughty child is on the way to healthy maturity, which comprises spontaneity, resilience and a sense of self-acceptance. Right.

Okay. That's one way of looking at your kid being a prick, isn't it? It is, isn't it? It's a real get out, isn't it? But yeah, so, but then it sort of works one way. We go, right, actually, if they're doing that, that's because they're so chilled, they can express themselves. But then it's sort of like, is that implying that you should say to your child, stop doing your own work you little nerd. Smear some shit on the wall. Smear some shit on the wall.

That's too much. I mean, I think everyone should express themselves, but not that much. Have a bit of common decency. Bit of British, slip up a lip. Josh, we've got loads of correspondence here, mainly the cat water scandal that we need to address. So for anyone that didn't listen, Josh admitted that he has a glass of water. Well, I didn't admit.

There's no admission. I just said, I don't feel like admit implies I've done something wrong. Well, I think that's the problem for you. You don't think you've done anything wrong? No. Right. Okay. You admit to a crime. Well, if you didn't listen, Josh says that when he has a glass of water, his cat's allowed on the table and sometimes... No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the cat is allowed on the

table. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. So the cat's allowed on the table. So sometimes the cat will jump up on the table and drink his water and then Josh will drink it after. Not that, right, let's just be clear on this. Were we in the kitchen? No, I'd obviously pour it away and get a new water. Okay. With a different glass. But say it's my bedside table and it's 4am and the cat drinks from my water

and then I want a drink of water. Have you seen the cat do it? I get woken up, it's a loud old drink of that kind. Oh my God. No, that is, it's not. Well, I'll tell you what the listeners said. Fucking Rotten. That was one that I've got to repeat a few times. The rankiest thing I've ever heard. I mean, that's, that's, they've, they've, they would have hated the first hour, first 10 minutes of this podcast. Well, the, the, the, the, well, no, because you're not eating the shit after you've bagged it up in the nappy nappy sack. Are

you this is that's the difference. The response has been and this is I quote this from Michael that deals with all of our correspondence. Actually, there's a team now Michael and the team. Yeah, that's been universal disgust. But that's fine. To be cancelled. I got this BMO Toronto FC cash back mastercard. Oh, and the broccoli boots it over the line. What a goal! How would you like to pay, sir?

Credit please. Make every purchase a win with the BMO Toronto FC cash back mastercard with up to 5% cash back on your purchases in your first three months. Terms and conditions apply. Right, I'm asked about inset days. We've got a lot of heat in the inbox saying inset days are essential, Josh. No reason why. That was just, we just been told it's essential. Give us your reasoning because I want to learn. Yeah. And why don't you try being a teacher

and think it's easy? No, I don't think it's easy. I think it's very hard. But can I just quickly say they all gave very detailed long reasons why they were essential, but it was so dry and boring. I couldn't help it. So that did bore in that book, Shy Michael, are they? Is that what you're saying? Well, don't put words in my mouth. I'm just saying.

The reason I didn't add them all there, because it would be like doing an Inset Day yourself reading that email. Fair enough. So they did send stuff. Okay, well, if you're upset by that, that's a shame. Did they give a reason, Michael, why they couldn't do it on the last Friday of the holiday rather than the first Monday of term? Well, that was the telling point is that I don't believe anyone did. So they argued for the merits of inset day and a lot of them said, yeah, they are a waste of time.

I'm totally in favour of inset days. They did say, yes, they are boring and a waste of time and there's a lot of repetition, but there are kind of duty of care and curriculum updates. But not one of them, I believe, said, no, that makes perfect sense. We should do it on here rather than here. I'm not saying cut your holiday short. What I'm saying is, can we have them halfway through the term so you get a shorter week halfway through the term when you'd like that rather than on the first day back when it's extending the holiday. That's what I would like in set days.

Yeah, I think that's fair. And obviously, teachers do do an amazing job. And it's very hard. And I do think they need the holidays because the kids wouldn't be able to take any more information in. And it's too much to teach the kids non stop all year. But the inset day needs work. And I think that's a fair bit of feedback from a couple of parents. right, Josh? Yeah. Yeah. Just chill out. Get back down now. You chill out. Pour yourself a glass of water, get your cat over.

Have a little look at that. Now. All right. Let's do some more correspondence. I've got Boomer parenting here, Josh. What do you fancy? I've got Boomer parenting, parenting hacks and tips. I've got funny things your kid says sleep over disaster. Am I a modern boomer instant regret stories? Court Cheating Revenge stories. Yes. Should we do that? Yeah, cool. Cheating. Here we go. Hello, Robin Josh, listening to your latest correspondence episode. And it reminded me of an amazing and completely true court

cheating story that happened to someone I know, but I wish to remain anonymous. And this is from Julio in Penzance. So, no, I'm joking. I made that up. All right. But I wish to remain anonymous. So a friend of mine is at work and the girl in the office brings in leftover Domino's pizza

from the previous night and leaves it in the canteen. Whilst he's in there helping himself to a slice, he realizes the address on the box is his mate's address. Confused, he goes home and tells his wife, who then calls her best friend, who happens to be the wife of the husband's friend. Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Turns out he had been seeing the pizza girl in his own home whilst his midwife wife was doing night shifts. Oh, my God. And there's someone to sleep upstairs. Oh, that's awful. Found out by the pizza box they are now separated. Obviously that is awful. That is fucking insane. Oh my god. Incredible. A dress on the, right, few things. Who is bringing the leftover dominoes to work. Maybe she wants to get caught.

Yeah, is that a crime? Like, and then Rob, if you were at work and someone said, I had a Domino's last night, I didn't finish it. I've left a few of the whole. No, I've been up most of the week. Weird. How much have they ordered? Yeah, we're not eating anything too busy shagging. Dirty bastards. I'd say the least sexy meal to me up should we have a Domino's then have sex?

I don't think I could muster a wank after a Domino's, nevermind full sex. That is carving me out. You can stick that on your posters Domino's if you want. Yeah. So it's so filling. I'd be so big and bloated after Domino's. That's the last thing you want to eat before you're trying to get off with someone, isn't it?

Yeah. Oh, that is incredible. So yeah, so he just noticed that it was his friend's address. But then he's sort of dubbed in his mate, isn't he? But then that's fair enough, I think. You can't keep that,. What do you think is the, and this is like a kind of moral question. Yeah. I was at a charity event. Yeah. And you know, you hear things about famous people. Okay. Like that they're shaggers or whatever. Yeah.

You've heard that about various people. Yeah. And I was put on the table with this guy and his wife. I've never met him before. He's not even from my industry. Yeah. And I've heard he's a shagger. Right, OK. So you've heard he's a bit of a cheater.

Yeah. And he's on the table with his wife. OK. Yeah. And you're thinking, like, what's the... Obviously, I'm not going to say anything. But you're like, do I know more about this person's? And then you go, how well do you need to know someone before you think I need to tell them?

Yes, I know what you mean. Because I feel like we know each other pretty well, but I'm still not sure if I should tell you. I think that there's certain people that if you've got that much of a reputation, and it is known by people that aren't even friends or in your industry, it is probable that the partner knows in terms of blind eye. I can't know more about their marriage than... No, I think they probably know, but they either accept it or they go off and do it. I think there's a lot of relationships out there where someone's side just accepts it. And as long as it doesn't become public, or they're both up to stuff. Yeah,

yeah, that's a bit more because we're a bit more me and Leroy a little bit too more bit boring like that. But meeting too veg just sort of get off of each other. Is that what she's that's what she's told me, yeah. And I'm agreeing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you want to believe. That's fine. That's what I want to believe. So, I'll keep you going. What if it was say,

if you found out that, I'll blank the name again, because obviously it's, if you found out that his wife was cheating on him. I don't know it well enough. I mean, it's a hard game of people at home to play. Because you're playing. I unless it's a good good friend, I'm staying out of it. It's not my position or place to say. Yeah, I think so. But what I might do is mention it to someone I know is closer to them. Oh, that's a good way of doing it. I'd say look, I've heard this. I don't know if it's true, but it's something you might want to keep an eye

on. Yeah, yeah, kind of thing. But yeah, it's a weird one, isn't it? It is odd. I just think, imagine you're having an affair with someone and the spring in your step makes you go, do you know what? I'm going to take the dominoes into work. That's shared. That, yeah, maybe, I think I get the vibe that she might wanted to have been caught or it ought to be come out so that they could get off and almost like if you know because she knows they she must know that the guy she's having

an affair with friend works at this office yeah yeah it's not completely random thing surely and and the address is on it because you would be a bit more well oh maybe i should take the address if i don't take it so i think she's trying to get caught so that it comes out i think no one really wants to live with that guilt all the time. You want to be caught at some point. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus. I've got a revenge story here. Do you want to revenge? Yeah. Hi, Robin Josh. I love the podcast. I wanted to share with you this story from when I was at primary school. My best friend asked, did we solicit for cheating and revenge stories? I don't even remember. I think once we said, how would we react if we caught our partners cheating and we were worried that we're trying to confront the man and then he might beat us up naked. And then we're in our bedroom fully dressed being beaten up by a naked man whilst our naked

wife watches. So we, I think we agreed we just shut the door and walk away stoically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just start driving. Yeah. To meet Dover. And just start driving. Don't know where to just drive listening to blur. Anyway, so my best friend and I were in year five every morning we would hang our bags up outside the classroom in the corridor and go inside for lessons returning to our bags to get our lunch boxes at lunchtime. My friend started to complain to her mum that she wasn't getting her favourite chocolate

bar in her lunchbox every day and asked her mum why. Her mum replied saying she was putting her chocolate bar in and she didn't know where it was going if my friend wasn't eating it. It turns out it was being stolen from her lunchbox in her bag on the coat hook in the corridor. So she says her friend's chocolate bar has been stolen by an unknown person. Anyway, my friend's mom then decided one day to carefully open the wrapper of the chocolate bar and syringe in some chili powder. My god, this is mental. My friend's mom decided one day to carefully open the wrapper of the chocolate bar and syringe in some chili powder into the bottom of the chocolate bar and then carefully seal the wrapper back up again in order to give the culprit a scare. We're thinking penguin right? We're thinking like the the soft bit in the middle of a penguin. Maybe a penguin already in a Kit Kat you could get that inside the mall but yeah penguin I'm not sure I'm not sure what chocolate bar is. Well this worked that day just before lunchtime me and my friend went rushing over to a lunchbox to see if the plan had worked. In a lunchbox there was a

chocolate bar wrapper opened and a bite taken out of the chocolate bar. The culprit had struck, tasted the chili and done a run and leaving the evidence. Needless to say, the theft of the chocolate bars never happened again. Oh wow, leaving the evidence. I wish they'd gone around and checked it on the teeth of the children. Yeah, I had visions of like a child crying in the school hall. Yeah. Because I was screaming for milk. of like a child crying in the school hall. Yeah. Because I'm screaming for milk.

Yeah. Because of a burning tongue. That'd be great for like a, that'd be a really good bit in like a kid's book, wouldn't it? Like that's like something that would happen in a rolled out book. Yes.

Yeah. To the greedy boy. And then the whole room, the whole school hall would be silent and they'd be waiting to see who screams. But I do still I think there's a better way to deal with that. Tell the teacher. Yeah, like imagine getting out a needle. 7am, you've done the sandwiches. It's time to put some

chilli powder and a syringe. Oh, she's a heroin addict as well. Too bad, just want to stay. She warmed up the chilli powder on a spoon. She's a big chilli powder. So, when you're injecting the chilli powder, you know, you don't know which bit of the chocolate bar is going to go in as well, because it's not going to spread evenly, is it?

It's just going to be a bit clotted, like, do you know what I mean? Well, maybe it was a Yorkie or something like that. Yeah. No one's putting a Yorkie in a lunchbox though, are they? I'll tell you a week. You can't put chocolate bars in lunchboxes anymore. So it's like a Crispin chocolate free zone. And it is it. Yeah.

Our school, you can't put anything like that in. Well, we do. We don't do packed lunch. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. So if you have a snack box or packed lunch, but you can't put in crisps or chocolate bars, you can put in fruit or breadsticks.

And you can't be a laugh. But a baby bell. Oh, yeah. Now, Josh, we've got a public service announcement here. We just did one about kids. We got another one about kids films. After speaking about honey, I want the kids and how upset my children got when one of the things the and dies in it. Yeah, spoiler alert. Now, we had a big response to this. I think you can't be. Yeah, I think 35 years after films come out, you've got to be allowed to discuss the plot.

Yeah, if only I've shrunk the kids to watch is still on your to do list. You're not really getting stuffed up. No, it's not our fault. If you're thinking, yeah. And also as well, you could be angry about a title. Well, they've got little. Let me find out myself. Anyway, the there's a list of films that people said you should be careful with or avoid altogether. Yeah.

Slightly younger. Let's see if we've seen them. Well, yeah, they've not all said the reasons why, but they've given one. One is the witches. Yeah. Fucking hell. That is awful. That was filmed in Newquay.

You can see if you go to Newquay, boring witches. Yeah, fucking hell. That is awful. That was filmed in Newquay. You can see, if you go to Newquay, boring fact. Yeah, they just use locals rather than getting any makeup teams in, didn't they? Ah. Ah, ah, ah. It's good stuff, isn't it? Good stuff, good stuff. And that, when they transform, that is-

Oh, fucking hell. Either, I haven't seen the new one, but the new one obviously got in serious trouble with the, Alex Booker wasn't happy with it. Why? Because one of the disfigurements they decide to give the witches, even though it wasn't in the original book or in the original film, was three fingers on their hands to make them look more... That's mental. Yeah. What are you saying, Matt? I was sort of like dinosaurs making that film and going, you know, a stick of three fingers on them.

Why didn't I? Fuck it. Weird, isn't it? Yeah, it's different, isn't it? Surely being a witch is enough. I've got a broomstick and then start to come put spells on you. But no, no, let's sort the fingers out. Come on. Well, the witch is the one. E.T. they said is quite stressful. Yeah, I, let's sort the fingers out. Come on. Well, the witches want ET. They said it's quite stressful.

Yeah, I remember I cried at ET. ET is incredibly sad. Yes, that I think is the saddest part of that one. The end of ET when he says to Elliot, Oh, God, I'm getting goosebumps. I'm thinking about it. It's traumatized you. Now sit without feeling. Sit without feeling. Oh man What did you feel? Oh, I want to weep you want to cry. Yeah, because what when he says bye No, he says I'll be right here and he points to Elliot's stomach and his finger lights up. It's fucking great

That film is so effective you though, isn't it? Yeah, I loved it when I was a kid Have you been on the ride at Universal? No. Oh, it's great. It's the oldest ride they've got. Yeah, you've got a little bite and it goes over and you fly over the city. But it's really sort of twee because it's from like, it was first when it was there 25 years ago. So it's like, as rides go really basic and old school, but it's really sweet still, so they keep it. There's so many good moments in that film. The bit where the mum is looking for the ET

and you think she's gonna find him and he's just hidden. I had to tap out, I found it a bit too stressful. I'm a couple of years younger than you as well. Not, this isn't a dig, but like when you're between 12 and 10 or 10 and eight, there is a bit of a jump in it of like... It was the 80s though, wasn't it? So I watched it late, I think. Oh, right, you didn't see it live.

I didn't see it live. I tell you what, fuck me up. And I had to leave the cinema early. Was Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves? Oh yeah. You know, with the witch bit. I can't remember that. But that's quite an intense film to see, isn't it? That's a PG. And I saw that when I was five. Fucking hell. Because there's a bit where- In the cinema. That's too early, isn't it? I think it's Will Scarlett. There's a bit. The bit I found really difficult in that that really sticks with me is they hang Will Scarlett

and then Robin shoots them. Yeah. Right. You're like the thought of him being hung is just so horrific. Yeah, I was seven. I was basically there because Brian Adams had had a hit single. So it felt like everyone should go and see it. But the poster is Kevin Costner shooting an arrow that's on fire.

Yeah, it is. Yeah. What's wrong with that? I know. Fuck it. Now that's mental. Have I ever told you about the first time I went to the cinema? No.

So I went to Ghostbusters 2 at the local cinema with my friend, my best friend Thomas Bosons and his family. I was a huge fan of the cartoon Ghostbusters. I hadn't seen the first film. I bought a Ghostbusters 2 jumper that I wore to it. I was so excited and the Bosons had been to the cinema before. Oh yeah, some pretty big deal. I don't know what year this would be. 89 I think. 89, so I was six. Right, okay. And I claimed I'd been to the cinema as well,

because you don't want to go, I've not been to the cinema. Yeah. So we all get in to sit down. But imagine a cinema where you were as well, 32 inch. Honestly, the Alexandra's Theatre in New and Abbey can't still be there, can it? It's a church with an overhead projector. It's so small. Yeah.

We all sit down. I'm thinking I'm getting away with my lie here that I've been to the cinema. And I'm about a foot higher than everyone else. When did you find out what you was doing wrong? Well, it went after about 10 seconds it just opened and I just sat straight down like on the seat luckily. You thought you just had to perch. I just thought that was the seat. I just thought the seat was...

Oh, Josh. You just perched in there. Yeah. Oh yeah, so the other ones people have said, babe is quite sad, they said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The never ending story. I've not seen that. Turner and Hooch. Oh yeah. I tell you what, the other one that was a mental one. What was the other one that had Dan Aykroyd in and Tom Hanks that was like, oh, a weird cult.

Yeah, there's a human sacrifice going on and I watched it as a child. Do you know what's a- Dregnet. Dregnet. Dregnet, yeah, that one's mental, that film. Do you know what's a difficult one that I watched? Tom Hanks one when I was a kid, Philadelphia. Fuck it now. I was always a fan of the cheese. I love the cheese. I like the Bruce Springsteen song that came with it. The other ones people have said Dumbo. That's sad. Dumbo,

the first Dumbo. Dumbo is so sad. Bambi, obviously. Land Before Time, that's a bit sad as well. Watership Down, did we do that one? That's quite sad. Yeah that's a sadden and in a high school musical when Troy and Gabrielle broke up, my daughter was distraught for days. I don't think you can have that one can you? A relationship ending. Well yeah but they've got to learn at some point, haven't they? That, you know, love is futile and you come in alone, you go alone. Yeah. That's life. Yeah, there we go. Do you know what we watched when I was a kid? Yeah.

Because did you watch any like 18s that slip through the net? Uh, yes. Do you ever seen not a, was it called lawn? No, it wasn't. Lawn mower man. Yeah, there was a novelajo bundle called like Blood Pig or something, I don't know. Cause we watched, I think off the back of, cause Gremlins was, Michael, you'll know, was Gremlins okay for kids?

Not really. No, not when we were off to midnight, it weren't. Yeah. Yeah. It was sort of pitched as a family film, but actually it was very, very unfriendly. Yeah, that's a horror. And for the back of that, we watched Critters, which is basically...

Have you seen Critters, Michael? It's worse. Critters is fucking mental. Arachnophobia as well, I remember that. Fuck that. Jesus. Fuck that. Fuck that.

I've got Critters. I've not seen Critters. Oh, it's like one of those... What are they called, those films from the 80s that are all bloody, what are they called, what are they called, Michael? Video Nasties. Video Nasties. It was a Video Nasties.

Yeah, yeah. Tremors. A number of Tremors. Arachnophobia is a classic because that's executive produced by Steven Spielberg. So his ability to get stuff through the sensors that are totally unacceptable in a PG movie is insane. Right. Sequence where they find the old people who

have been killed by the spiders and arachnophobia is genuinely terrifying. No child should watch that. Fuck that. Absolutely F that. Do send him more because I'm enjoying these. I would add also that, did you watch Stand By Me? That's like. The bit where he gets the leech stuck to his dick. Yeah, that's not, I didn't like that at all. Oh man. I remember watching Misery as a kid. You watched Misery?

Oh, IT! Fuck it out, IT! IT is horrific! To be fair, these aren't kids' films. You're not listening to kids' films here. I know, but they did. When you had older siblings... Yeah, IT slipped't kids films. You're not listening to kids films here. I know, but they do. When you had older siblings, these would just be... It slipped through the net. It had a clown in it.

It, the new It, it was disgusting. I hated it. I watched that as an adult and I absolutely hated it. We had babysitters one time and we had watched a film with them and there used to be trailers at the start of old video store VHSs. And I said to them, oh, the next time, can you rent me that film that we saw the trailer for? And I think it was like the Disney Sword and the Stone movie, but there was also a trailer for RoboCop on there. And at nine years old, I sat down and watched RoboCop. And then the first 15 minutes of that, he gets so brutally murdered in this warehouse. And there's another sequence later where a guy gets like toxic acid poured all over him. He's like wandering through the streets dying going like, help me. I was just there on my own in the back room, absolutely

traumatized. But do you know, on the other side of that, do you know what was a really easy watch was Terminator and Terminator 2? They weren't that bad at all. They were really good for kids. It's quite funny seeing the man naked as well. And I'd say you watch that when you were a 10 year old. Yeah, it was great. Loved it. I used to love these sort of silly horror films. Not the really brutal ones and stuff like Halloween H2O and all that. When I was a teenager, we used to watch loads of them.

I wasn't a proper young kid. But Lou, I've never watched it. I've not seen a horror film for like 10 years because we don't do horror films. Lou cannot watch them or she leaves every light on and just can't go to sleep at night. And it's a weird thing to watch on your own. You want to watch it with people because it's fun to be scared, but Lou cannot deal with it. We went to see the, I went to see the woman in black in the cinema. Cause it's got fucking Daniel Radcliffe in it.

Nicole Kidman as well. No, that's the others, which is terrifying. Yes. Keith Allen turns up at the end of the others. That's one of the weirdest bits. But yeah, and it's just about it's a woman in black is fucking terrifying. I hated it. I went to see Ghost Story at the theatre. Oh, I saw that. That's quite good.

Oh my God, I was so scared. I loved it. But it's one of those things where you don't know what they're going to do to you in the crowd. But they never come and tickle you. But you're like watching everyone around you and you feel fucking terrified. And it's like, all that keep the secret when you leave because there's a really great twist at the end is incredible twist at the end. Right. Okay, I'll give it I'll give it a watch. I saw that back in the day and I had an empty seat next to me. But that seat was the aisle seat. And it was right next to an emergency exit door. And I spent the whole play thinking that like, I was going to be part of it in some form and that empty seat was like really symbolic. And I was completely on edge.

Just someone just didn't turn up. That was it. It was nothing. Worst thing was it was your date. Yeah. Right. I've got a question, parent advice, and then we'll do some small business shout out.

Hello, this is from Dave from Boston in the USA. This is exciting. Now, what would Rob and Josh do? Hello, Josh and Rob. I'm a bit of a quandary and I hope you can help. I used to have quite big hair. You can help with this, Josh. With it being curly, it would add substantial volume to the size of my head. Recently, I had my haircut short for spring, which was quite a transformation in appearance. I don't think I've ever had my haircut short for spring, which was quite a transformation in appearance. I don't think I've ever had my haircut for a season. I think your hair is too... I like you with big hair, Josh. It's actually longer on top. So now I go long on top and short at the sides.

But I liked it when it was all out. What? At the sides? No, fuck that. Why not? In 41. No, it was... I don't like it long at the sides. Fair enough. Okay. Right. I've got a good tip for people with curly hair, that genuinely is revolution my hair now is my hair in the last I mean, I haven't been at a show this morning revolution rise my hair in the last week. And it

solved a problem I've had for 20 years. You get erections now. Shampoo your dick. Thanks, mate. Anyway, so Dave from Boston. Oh, no, that's not what it was. No. Oh, yeah. What other problem you got then? So the day I wash my hair, it's goes really straight and there's all these problems. So I was saying to my hairdresser, I was like, what can I put in my hair that's good for curls? Yeah, because I've tried loads of different products and none of them they either set too hard or whatever.

He said, get out the shower, leave your hair wet. And then having shampooed it and wash that out, get out the shower, leave your hair wet, put a bit of conditioner in the wet hair, scrunch it up, leave it in. And it's the best my hair has ever felt and looked in the last two weeks. Good work, Josh. I'm having a bit of a hair as a Renaissance. At the moment, it's just I've not had a shower yet. But I get out and it's so because normally, can you have especially

for our job, we basically need to look presentable near enough all day. Because you could go and do some writing in the morning, and then you've got to do a radio thing that they film and then you've got to go on stage or tell you got so it's hard to keep your hair looking all right. But why just gather shower and just put mousse in it and brush it all back and I look like an Italian gangster for now. But then it dries and dries all sits back lovely, Lovely. Lovely. You see?

Moose. Bring back Moose. That's what I say. Forget the fade. Anyway, let's go back to Dave in Boston. And he said, anyway, so he's basically had big hair like you, Josh. Now he's had it cut short for spring. Anyway, he was picking up his one year old son from daycare after his new haircut. And his son was terrified and cried all the way home. This fear has now lasted all the next day and I can't approach my son without him shrinking back into my wife's arms. Oh my God.

Now, should I embrace this newfound role as hated pariah and enjoy being responsibly free, responsibility free for a few days, or should I continue to fight for my son's affection like a terrifying clown at children's parties instilling fear despite being my smiley jovial self? Kind of on the mum, I think. I think the mum's got to convince the son. She's got to cut all her hair off as well. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

I think that the mum has got the in with the son. The dad, if he approaches the son, it's only gonna cause problems. The mum's got to convince the son that it's fine for the dad to approach. Yeah I think it will ease off over a few days. And you've got also kids have got to get used to change. They can't have the same thing forever. Maybe the mum could show the dad affection, like they could just like get off with each

other or something. That'd be nice. But the thing is I think with a one year old, they can just decide to hate you anyway. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I had it before when Lou went out for the day, my daughter just screamed until my wife, until Lou come home, but I'd done nothing wrong. But I think, you know, embrace the new spring hair. The kid will get over it eventually and just enjoy a couple of days of not being

wanted. Yeah. How much warmth was his hair bringing him in winter that he thought, I'm going to be too hot in summer. Josh, you're the man to know you had the same hair as this guy. You're the guy that knows. Does your head get cold? No, no, no, it doesn't actually, no.

What about bald men? I went up, you know, not just a bit receding, I'm like proper, like shaved, like Ross Kemp, Tom Allen, nothing shaved every morning. Do their heads get cold in winter? Yeah, I think they have to wear a hat. You know when like, you know, when MasterChef goes, does. You know, when like, you know, when Masterchef goes does that thing where they're like, you know, the rat, do you watch Masterchef? Probably

not do you? What are you looking at? Some come through the front door. Anyway, sorry, I don't know. It's Lou, don't panic. I just thought I had a burglar that just sort of casually walked in the keys. Sorry, go on. So like when you see, do you watch MasterChef? Sometimes, yeah. You know the one where they're like, you've got a fee, 200 hungry firemen, and they're like outside.

Yeah. Greg Wallace is always wearing like one of those hats. Yeah. Like bald men in winter have to wear a hat. I don't know if it's the Reds' cold or they're ashamed. No, because they're not ashamed. Lots of sun cream. What hat does Tom Allen wear?

He wears it when it's really cold, he'll wear like a beanie. Really? Yeah, I've seen him in beanies. But then I think he I don't he doesn't really wear hats in summer that much. He might have a cap on holiday. But he always always quite fat. He's got a bowler out and top hats he wears sometimes. But yeah, I don't know, but I'll never really ask. Remember once when he come and met me and Lua at a picnic in the park and I was still living at his mum's house and she drove to the park and walked over to us having a picnic to give him sun cream for his head. Because when he left the house,

it was cloudy and then it was really, really hot and sunny. hot and sunny. So join us. She's like, no, just wandered off and Tom's like, thanks, mom. It was like 31. Right, let's do a small business shout out. I've got one here, Josh. Hello, you sexy, relatable bastards. OG listener here from the lockdown days when I was child free. I now have a five month old named Madeline. I wanted to shout out my parents new fudge shop

based in Yarmouth on the Isle of Wight. It's their new venture. We've already received an amazing response, but we love to welcome listeners too. We are the Isle of Wight Fudge Company at Isle of Wight Fudge on Instagram. My dad makes all his own locally sourced fudge in at Isle of Wight fudge on Instagram. My dad makes all his own locally sourced fudge in the shop so come and see us and try for yourself. We're so

passionate what we do and we never work a day in our lives. See you next year Rob in Poole. Stay sexy Alice. There we go. Me and Alice having an affair and we're gonna meet in Poole for a pepperoni passion. Yeah, yeah. Don't worry, I'll bring something into the podcast the next day. What? The walk of shame with the dominoes. I would love a shout out. In two ways, you've eaten a dominoes and you've had an affair, double shame. I suppose he could, the point was the dominoes needed to leave the house. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I suppose if, yeah, because yeah, yeah, I reckon she's, yeah, maybe she's left from having the affair and gone straight to work.

And you're gonna have to take this because my wife's gonna say, why did you order, you know, huge jominoes. Two on Tuesdays, wherever it's called. Yeah, and why's it got an ass cheeks print in the middle of it? Yeah, why do I use condom on top of it? It's just the lid of the garlic dip.

I would love a shower for my 16 year old son, small business, Whippet World. Oh, hello. We love it as it sells Whippet ornaments and gifts inspired by a little blue Whippet Rossi. He makes laser cut Whippet silhouettes, Whippet riding motorbikes, 3D printed Whippet, resin Whippets, Christmas Whippets and lots more. Fuck off. Look, this is a great business, but I'm up to me necking whippet stuff. Hello, get on, Lou get on board at whippetworldone.etsy.com. He sells on Etsy. Lou, Oh no, Lou's going to.

We'll forward this on to you. Check out his store, whippetworldone.etsy.com. He's just set up an Instagram account too and would love more followers. His Insta is whippetworld1.exe.com. He's just set up an Instagram account too and would love more followers. His Insta is whippetworld1. Thank you Emma. P.S. on this being read out, a huge package will be dispatched to Rob's address containing resin whippets, 3D printed whippets, motorbike riding whippets, Christmas whippets and lots more. Look, do you know what is annoying about this? I know she wants some of this. Yeah.

But no, thank you. These whippets are lovely. However, I'm sort of an I'm all right for it. Michael, you know, on my Instagram, you can post stories, but you can cut people out like ex girlfriends, they don't see what you're up to or whatever. Can we do this? Is there a way we can put some sort of IP blocker on lose download and she just doesn't get this episode? Just get this episode. Just record this instead. I haven't got a small business this week Rob, so let's cut to the end of the podcast. Thanks Josh. See you next week.

Mum? What is it? Are we there yet? Hello there, it's me, Harry Hill with some exciting news. I've got a brand new podcast. It's called Are We There Yet? And it's the world's first family-friendly podcast that's designed to get you from A to B. Join me, my son Gary. Hello. Sarah the AI Bot.

Hello, Harry. As we delve into the childhood memories of a motley crew of comedians, celebrities and cultural icons. Is it on now, Daddy? Yes, Gary, it is. Are we there yet? celebrities and cultural icons. Is it on now, Daddy? Yes, Gary, it is. I'll be there... yet. sorts of different things. Things we've eaten. Things we've seen. Places we've been. Things we've smelled. People we've met sometimes. Those will be, we'll have to talk about them without giving away who they were. And that will be the challenge you as a listener can

enjoy. Exactly. You can get all of the episodes in the places where podcasts are. Uh oh, you died. Mince Thrua with Chipper, absolute classic. But don't worry, you're coming to the fun place where the lava's hot and the gossip is even hotter. Welcome to Hell is the brand new comedy podcast by me, Daniel Fox, comedian, sketch hussy, and Hell's resident receptionist. And me, Dane Buckley, comedian, black belt in contemporary dance and lapsed angel.

Each week we read outrageous confessions from you, the listener, and judge them. So come down and join us. Welcome to Hell is available now wherever you get your podcasts.