Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP38: Al Murray

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian, actor, musician and writer - Al Murray. You can find info and tickets for Al's 'We Have Our Ways' festival HERE Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] NEW ALBUM OF THE SAME NAME IS OUT MAY 10TH - PRE-ORDER HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about rubellsus?

Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say rubellsus? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... That's right! Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis.

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Can you say Josh Widdecombe? Josh Widdecombe. Can you say Parenting rocks? Hell rocks. Hell rocks. Oh, there we go. Nice, a bit of Adlib on there as well. Yeah, just chilling with Arabella. Great name Arabella.

Yeah, named after the Arctic Monkeys song, do we think? Doesn't say in the email, but that's my first thought. I like a name you can shop up, like Edward, I think is a great name. What, because it could be Teddy or Ed or... Eddie. Eddie. Yeah. Woody. Oh yeah. Lies. Lies up. Arabella, Bell, Ara, Bella.

Arab. No one's. Short for Arab. Short for Arabella. No, no, I'm just from the Middle East. She's been listening though, not of her own choice since she was newborn. So it was about time she gave the intro a go. She's currently in the midst of her terrible twos, made that much more entertaining by the arrival of her sister Delilah. Del, Lila, or Deli. All the options there. Oh, why Delilah? Is it Jekyll and Hensley's name to that song? Do you think they love indie music from the 2000s? Well, maybe.

I think they're going to have a song called Bohemian Rhapsody maybe next. Come on. I delayed that because I was trying to... You threw us off the centre saying Midnight. I know. What an error. Because then you boxed me in. I know.

I had to try and think... Then I was thinking Franz Ferdinand, but then they're the band. I was trying to think of a weird name, something from the Noughties. Take me out. Take me out. Yeah, that wouldn't work. You want a name though, don't you? Yeah, well...

Do email in if you can think of a better punchline. Yeah, well, but I think Bohemian Rhapsody would have been good if there wasn't a... Yeah, if I hadn't heard it yet. We weren't sent to Noughties Indie. Always look forward to Tuesday and Friday mornings for a giggle. Keep It section relatable. Hannah, Ben, Arabella and Delilah Fenning. Fenning, the Fennings. How are you, Josh?

I'm buzzing, Rob. I've had so much protein. Right. We need to talk about this because I'm on a fitness journey where I'm trying to go to the gym. I'm trying to lose a bit of weight, but also go to the gym and sort of get, not to look better, really, but sort of get muscles in the right places because I'm finding that lose a bit of weight, but also go to the gym and sort of get, not to look better really, but sort of get muscles in the right places. Cause I'm finding that I've got really strong legs cause I'm heavy and I play loads of football, but I do nothing with my middle of my arms. I feel like that needs to be a happy medium. Yeah.

And I'm trying to lose a bit of weight. So I've got like an online trainer guy that's got an app that I put on my what I'm eating and what I'm doing and stuff like that to try and lose a bit of weight you signed up. I signed up because I'm a sucker for it. I'm not going to Ben Jarvis out sucking and kissing your ass, but I think you look really good. I think you look lean. You look strong. You look wiry. You haven't seen me with my top off. I think you look quite wiry and strong, but trim. I don't know what it is you need. Well, Rob. Talk me through it. What's going on with your fitness journey? Do you? This is, this is, this shows me in a bad light, Rob.

Go on. No, but I think we're here to be honest about ourselves. Okay. I'm not saying I'm going on tour, because it hasn't been announced, but I might have had a moment where I looked in the mirror and thought I've got to delay these poster photoshoot. I've got to delay it. Because I was with your agent and they said that Josh has delayed his photo shoot.

Did she? She said she hadn't told you. Or maybe it was Lily. I don't care who it is that's got loose lips. So you're supposed to be doing them, but you've delayed them till June, so you've only given yourself a month. Yeah, I just, I just, you haven't seen my belly from the side, right? Yeah, no, but what, is this a topless photo shoot? No, it's not a topless photo shoot.

I haven't seen your belly from the side. Do you want to see my belly from the side? There's nothing there. Oh, barely anything. I look like I'm pregnant. No, you don't. Anyway, we don't want to create body issues. We've taken photos to put on the app to send to the coach. Lou had to take little photos of me, but they want an update photo every week and I'm not doing it. I'll give you my weight maybe not see my belly not seeing the good stuff. Take me out for dinner with balance macros. I had to say to him that I'm willing to send you the photo. But you can't put this on social media. Now I've said that he's good like that. I was like, look, you know, maybe they look good actually. Joe Dommet, I was talking to Joel Dommit about it

because I was trying to work it out. Basically, if you want to lose weight, you've got to eat loads of protein. I still don't understand it. I don't understand it at all. It doesn't make any sense. So I've never done watching what I've eaten properly. And basically you have to have loads of protein

and less of the other stuff. And I don't really understand it, but it seems to be working and I'm enjoying it. But the protein situation is getting out of hand. 400 grams of tofu. 400 grams of tofu is absolutely insane. Because you're veggie, how are you getting the protein in you? Well, I'll tell you what I'm not doing. It's 400 grams of tofu. So, but what are you trying to lose weight? Are you trying to put on muscle? What are you doing? I just want to buff up Rob. You want to lose your belly and buff up a bit? I'd quite like, I'd quite like to just have a stomach you could grate cheese on. Which I then wouldn't be able to eat because it's got too high fat

content. All I really want is, I just want to like walk into a room and people go, fucking hell, you're ripped. Fuck. Fucking hell. You've seen his arm. Fuck. Do you know what? Fucking hell. That's all I want. I just want a bit of what Ramesh has got. And I don't just mean career wise. I mean also body wise. I don't think I want what Joel Domitz got. I think it's too much responsibility. God, can't be bothered. But yeah, I am so you're, you're not really trying to lose weight, you're sort of trying to put it on. I am. But I think, but I don't, like you say, you've got, look, everyone's got a slight bit of belly when they're 40. That is

sort of almost impossible to completely eradicate. But if you want to like buff up a bit, you're going to have to eat more almost to turn it into muscle. No, no, no, no, no. Across your shoulders and arms. I'm puny, Rob. I just want... Yeah, but if you don't want to be puny anymore,

you're going to have to, I don't feel like, you could turn all that hard, but if you want to buff up, you're going to need more mass. I'm not going to buff up in the way Joel Domit's buffed up. No, but I'm saying if you want to get bigger and muscle-ier, Yeah. I don't think you're going to have to eat more to put that on, aren't you? I think I just want to tone up.

I don't want to look like Viper. Viper? I just want to look like Barney Walsh. You just want to tone up a bit? I just want to tone up a bit. I just want to tone up a bit. I want to feel like I can lift stuff. Right, you want to be stronger. I want to be stronger.

Yeah. I just want to feel in really good shape. Fair enough. Okay, that's good. That's good. I'm just saying, the protein, I think, is going to be your, you're going to have to get in on the protein, yogurts, mate.

I sat in McDonald's with the kids the other day, didn't eat anything, apart from the gherkin. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha gherkin from McDonald's with a bit of tomato sauce on. Do you know what I did earlier, Rob? Go on. Unthinkingly, I was making my daughter a crumpet this morning. Oh, and lit the butter. I lit the knife, the jam. And I was like, surely he's not expecting me to log one gram of jam. I think you've got to log it. It raises more questions than it answers.

What, one lick of jam? What the fuck's going on with you, mate? Why have you had one gram of jam? Can he access all this? Yeah. Oh, I normally do is I'm good all week, then it gets to Saturday and I like have normal lunch, normal breakfast and then dinner will be two or three bottles of Mareti and then it just goes silent. Complete radio silence. Until Monday. Yeah, and then I'd slowly start trying to remember what I had. I had a lemon cello.

What's that? I just got a barcode. I didn't even got a barcode for it. No, I just felt lemon cello. For me, we've got this app where you can scan the barcode. It tells you exactly how many calories are in it and then you log it. So, but you do need the barcode sometimes. It's a f- do you know what it is, Rob? Yeah. I'd say I've got quite a healthy relationship with food generally. Mine's mine's awful. Can I tell you what I do, Josh? What once

Arsenal went one nil down against Brentford. Yeah. And without thinking, I immediately stood up, walked to the kitchen, opened the fridge and I stood there going, why am I here? You're not hungry. You're sad arsenal that are golden. Well, you're lucky you don't support Plumberthromb. Bit of fun. Bit of fun. We can only enjoy that humor. Um, we'll keep people updated on that. You haven't got bad, you were saying you haven't got a bad, you haven't. I haven't got a bad relationship with food, but do you know what I really enjoy is

the nerdy side of this. What the, the, the, there's the structure of it all, putting it all in. Yeah, going, oh, well, what I need to do now is I need to have 200 grams of corn with my... I still don't understand what you're eating to hit this broating because I'm struggling to hit it and I've got to eat chicken. I can't get, I love chicken and I love eating and I'm sitting in a bowl of it and I cannot eat any more of this. My dinner was quite weird last night. What did you have?

So I had my hundred grams of pasta. That's pre cooking weight or pre cooking pre cooking weight. 15 grams of pesto. Yep. Half bag of spinach. Yep. Good for you. Just pretty normal. Just shoving there 300 grams of cottage cheese that won't make much difference to it. I tell you something Rob, it dominates the bowl. What's that? It dominates the bowl. I tell you what though mayonnaise, Kinell that is just fat juice.

It is all fat 30 grams of now. And somehow 31 grams of fat. It's more fat than content. But like a podcast. Well, good luck Josh on it. And I'm going to keep flowering on. And then we shall make a humble promise to the on it and I'm going to keep flowering on. We should make a humble promise to the listener that we're not going to become like one of

those alpha male podcasts because if you're worried we're going to be all Joe Rogan-y, we're going to start talking about benching and lifting. No, I don't think we're going to do that. And we're going to start doing, you know. Josh, you just said, I'm so puny. Yeah, we're not going to start talking about our MMA bounce. No, no, no, no, no, they won't go like that. But I think we just I'm trying to get a healthy relationship with certain exercises and my

relationship with food. Well, you know, so that's what I'm up to. But I mean, I'm enjoying it. So I'm not going to go on about it. But it's good to have you on board. I'm just intrigued to see how you eat that protein. It turns out is cheese from the cottage. Should we bring on Al Murray?

Oh, yes, let's bring on Al Murray. A legend of the comedy scene. You don't need us to intro Al Murray. It's a great episode as you'd expect. Al Murray, hello. Hi. How are you? I'm very well, yes. I mean, people can't see us obviously, but they're contrasting backgrounds. So Rob, I mean, it's a brick wall. Well, I have got an office I normally do this from, but I, my schedule today needs me to be at home. So I'm just doing this at home and I've got a brick wall in my house that it's

supposed to be sort of a feature wall, but it just looks like I'm stood outside the school gates. It does. It does look like loitering somewhat. Telling kids to stop playing wall ball. But you've got loads of instruments. I knew you was into your music, Albert. This is, you look like it's a sort of a creative genius's studio.

There's everything you need. Well, it's certainly a studio. We can't get too excited about it. Basically I've got a drum set and it's all set up to record and everything. So you've invented a drum, haven't you? Yeah, I've got a company that makes them in Stockport, yeah, called British Drums. I have invented a couple of things actually. It's been quite a long walk. What did you invent? Oh, god, it's so esoteric. So basically, if you have a tom-tom,

so on a drum kit, there's the drum that goes boof, which hit with your foot. There's a drum that goes baff, that's the one that you hit, that's in the middle, the snare drum. It's the ones that you go round, they go dugger, dugger, dugger, they go, right? So a lot of people, what they do, one of the top dugger drum, they put it in a stand. And there were a lot of people complaining about, if you do the stand up too tight, it chokes the sound of the drum and chokes the resonance. So I came up with a thing called a Tom Spring, which is made out of the same plastic as a guitar plectrum, that like is a sort of S-shaped, it was my idea, but someone designed it, that you then sit the drum in and it stops it from being choked by the drum and it resonates

freely. It's a whole two seconds of resonance, which matters to a lot of people. Wow. And so you're an inventor, you're a comedian, musician and inventor with a patent. If you want. Any famous drummers using the... Yes. So, Nico McBrain from Iron Maiden is one of our...

Yes. That's good. Thanks for saying Iron Maiden at the end for me. I didn't know either. And then Joe in Blossoms and... Oh wow. He's from Stockport, isn't he? Yeah, he is from Stockport. He was one of the first people to join us.

And the Royal Marines, the Corps of Drums. So we've got that sort of thing too. But I mean, British Drum Co is the name of the brand and we've been going about eight years now, but there have been some big events in the world that have made trading quite difficult. Yes. Made it quite challenging. Let's put it that way.

So I don't like to dwell on that. Almost certain events that maybe your character helped. Oh no. If there's anyone who's got buyer's remorse out there. More than the landlord. Yes, it's Nick Hojo in blossoms, Woody from Bastille. Oh, he sports swim with Argyle. Yeah, I know, he's a great bloke. Mark Richardson who plays with Skunk of That and Sea. Therese who plays with Simple Minds. Wow.

Look at this. Sean in the Manic Street Preachers. Sean Moore? Yeah. Oh wow. If you told me, guess how you start your podcast with Al Murray? Weeks and weeks until this would have popped up. Mike Joyce from the Smiths. What? Mike Joyce from the Smiths? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why me? Michael in Cortina's, Ian Mosley in Merillian, all sorts of people. P2 plays for Paul Eaton and Jackie Abbott. Dave Rowntree from Blur? No, not yet. Not yet. We live in hope, we chip away. I've got a question for you, which we should have said four minutes ago. Have you got children?

Yes. I should have answered the yes, I do. How old are your children? 24, 21 next week, and six. Six? Oh wow. You won't remember this, but I've and six. Oh wow. You won't remember this, but I've met one of your children,

your daughter who presumably now is in her twenties, but at the time we did a photo shoot of like people going up to Edinburgh in about 2011. It was probably my eldest who was born in Edinburgh, the fringe in 1999. Oh, was she? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So was born in Edinburgh, at the Fringe, in 1999. Oh, was she? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had to cancel the show, you know, I mean, Christ.

Immediately inconvenienced by my children. Well Ramesh's son was born in Edinburgh and of course he did the show. I mean it's a long time ago, it's nearly 25 years ago, so I can't remember the actual sequence of timing, but I remember that I think she was actually born when I was meant to be on stage. So, you know. Yeah, yeah. Because if you come off stage at like seven o'clock, say you've got an early show, and then your wife goes into labour, has the baby at midnight, and you're there till morning, and you've got all day again, you can still do the show for an hour, can't you? The next day. You'll in theory do the show for an hour, depending on how you value your relationships.

What was that like doing Edinburgh when a child is born in the middle of... I don't know how... It was the last week. It was quite handy really, because I was getting quite big headed at that stage and it was a very good way of making me sort of behave myself. Was that the first baby you had? Yeah. So it's the same year I won the what's what was called the Perrier Awards. Oh, wow. What a week. Yeah. She was born on the Monday, nominated Tuesday. And that was when it was a mega, mega deal to win that then. Oh, it's still a big deal.

Let's not. It's not really. You're being too modest. You know what is? That's not a big deal, Rob. Not with TikTok. Who did you beat out? I can't remember because I got nominated four times on the trot. Oh yeah, and you were the James A cast of your day. Yes, I was. Yes. Sadly not in Ghostbusters. I bet you can remember who beat you though. Oh, of course I can. Dylan, Moran, Liga Jetman, Tommy Tiernan. Fuck it. Oh, he was strong in those days, wasn't it? It was fucking incredible. That's when there were real comedians back there. That's hardcore. Heady Brew.

It was a Heady Brew. It's still a big deal. I'm not going to engage in things aren't as good as they used to be. From a point of view of exposure and you were launched into TV as a big deal where now it doesn't have as much impact. Yeah, but there was less telly. So swings and roundabouts, more ways on now than there were then. But yes, so she was born on the Monday. And I remember my mum came up and cooked steak and

did all that sort of like rescue stuff, which was really good, you know, helped out. Because my wife, my ex-wife is Australian. So her family turned up the next week, I think, I can't remember. It's such a long time ago. God, that is stressful. You're at the fringe and doing your show. Your mum's turned up, then your in-laws are flying in from Australia. Yeah, but we'd gone home the next week. Oh, fair enough. Oh, how did you get home? Train.

Train! For the week old. Driving, right? Yeah, I think you've made the right decision. You've made the right decision. Paray in one hand, baby in the other. What a month it's been! Oh, thank you, darling. That's when Scarlett arrived. So Al, did someone come in your office or did you just say thank you darling to yourself?

My wife just brought in some Anzac biscuits, actually. Okay, he's getting biscuits delivered. What? He's living the life. I am. I'm living the life. That's because I'm on tour and she's being nice to me. I'm being nice to her because I'm on tour and she's being nice to me. I'm being nice to her because I'm on tour. Round of ghosts. that allows your team to request a ride under your supervision with live trip tracking and highly rated drivers. Add your team to your Uber account today. What happens when 20 extremely athletic Canadians

who thrive on competition and won't settle for less than number one find themselves on a team? Taking on jaw-dropping obstacles all across Canada is one thing, working together on a team with some pretty big personalities is another. It's a new season of Canada's Ultimate Challenge and sparks are gonna fly. New episode Sundays, watch free on CBC Gem. How is touring now? Because obviously you had grown up kids really, they're like adults, you've got a six year

old. Yeah. So the lions on tour now must feel extra sweet. Well what I've done, and I did this last time, we went out the year before last, pandemic has changed everything, my attitude to everything. Started washing your hands. The camera stopped. And not shaking hands with anyone. ALICE Still refuse to touch another human being. LIAM Reduced eye contact.

I resent having to touch people now, after two years off. ALICE Well basically, I hadn't been at home that long in my life. Yeah. 18 months at home, essentially, 19 months at home. I'd not been at home that much. And it's completely changed my life. Yeah. 18 months at home, essentially 19 months at home. I'd not been home that much. And it's completely changed my attitude to everything. Because I was, when I was a circuit comic, I was one of those people who wouldn't go on holiday because I'd think, I'll forget how to do it. I'll simply forget how to do it. And the lightning

will come out of the bottle and that'll be that. Lord knows what I'll do next. And so when it came to sort of touring, I was a kind of five I'll do next. And so when it came to touring properly, I was a five days a week guy. And then the pandemic came along and I was, I'm the longest I've ever been with one of my children, longer than the other two ever got out of me. And basically now what we do is we tour weekends. So maybe Friday, Saturday or Saturday, Sunday or Thursday, Friday, but two a week. And this week is a rare exception because we've got three this week, but it's maximum two a week so that I'm at home. So I have a lot.

That's great. Does that mean your tour is really, really long? Like you're on like a two year tour or something? Yeah, but that's all right. It's just like being a circuit comic, but you get all the money. Exactly. But it's also like, it's like, it's like, then it's a way of life rather than this. Oh God, we've got it. We are on top. All right. And it blotting out everything

else. Because I used to get very, very, I like the first couple of weeks and the first month and then you're like the third month and basically you just wait for the doorbell to ring. I used to get into this state where I couldn't organize myself to do anything. Yeah. So like, you need to buy a new car or whatever. Couldn't be bothered. I'll wait till the tour's finished. And I remember trying to explain this to someone and them looking at me like I was, like there's something actually properly wrong with me.

Like, why can't you buy a car? I was like, oh, you know, just, cause I'll have to leave. You know, I'll have to go and get in the morning and then I'll have to go. And I won't be able to drive it. But that's just an example of random, but it means I'm at home.

I'm doing, from the kid's side of things, I'm at home, I'm doing, from the kids side of things, I do school run, I'm doing, you know, I'm around in a way. If you've got Monday, Tuesday off, which was what I used to do, you're not available to anyone and you can't do anything else and you can't do swimming and all that sort of stuff. So it was the pandemic that made me really change my attitude. And also basically say to my manager, no, no, no, that's what we're going to do, rather than me going, oh, right then, because I'm an all right then.

Yeah. Could you imagine doing that Rob? Or do you like the rack and stack? My tours are similar to that really without it goes on for ages, but I'm sort of doing like three a week. So it's not like the whole time. And then also within that I've booked off all the school holidays and filming blocks because I'm filming with Ramesh and stuff like that. So it is, I've got quite a lot of time booked off to have a little break from it all. So it's sort of spread rather than five days a week for like 12 months. I'll actually block the summer out of this because last year I did a play last year, which I had not done before, which is so much fun, right? Yeah. But it was three months or 14 weeks or something.

Oh, God, yeah. With six weeks rehearsal before that. Fucking hell. I know, right. And the thing is, I've always wanted to do it. And I actually let's find out. Although, to be honest, it fell well within my sort of overpowering performance skillset. What was you playing? I played King Charles II. Oh, my relative was related to him, not related to him, worked for him. I found that on Who Do You Think You Are?

Really? Or is it King Charles the first? Oh God, I'm so bad at history. One of them died. One of them was executed. The one that was executed, Roundhead Cavaliers guy. Yeah, I was his son, the sexy one. Oh yeah, of course.

Of course. Can't you tell? Big long wig and all that, and amazing. So basically that wiped out having a holiday completely. We started rehearsing in June, and that finished in October. Oh god, yeah. Almost by the end of the year. But that was good because my youngest, she would come to the theatre, I'd bring her to

the theatre for my early call or whatever, but a fight call, as they call it, where you have to practice the fight, because we had a fight. Do you have to do that every day? You have to come in every day and do the fight, you know, effectively what you're doing is making sure you're insured. Right. You've got an understudy in the fight, they might not know the fight. Anyway, she'd come in with me, and then my wife would pick her up after work. Which was nice, because I've always really liked my kids properly knowing what I do.

A very long time ago I did some arena shows, which I hated, but we didn't. But that's the thing of having your kids come on stage, come on stage, stand in the middle of the room and understand that you're not just going off having fun or just vanishing. You know, like the way I used to go and sit in my dad's office, when it's that thing of them just having an idea. Yeah, totally. And my eldest Scarlett, when she was sort of ten, she used to love coming to the show and sitting on the sound desk and enjoying, she used to love the cursing and all that and being rude and like, God, daddy's so rude and like wildly out there. And then obviously

that wore off when she became a teenager, but it's sort of, it's returns now. Has it? And do they come and watch you on tour? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My kids, they come and see me and my oldest Scarlett writes a bit and everything. So they're, they're interested in being creative. Then my Willow, my little one's, she's a singer and she's at film school and she's incredibly creative. So she'll turn up and go, you know, I'm not sure about it. I'd be in the middle there, Dad, but. And would you take a note? I'd listen, but I'd think, yeah, but then I've got to rewrite the whole thing, you know.

It's like putting the thread on the jumper, isn't it? You don't want the whole thing to unravel. I don't mind feedback if the fix is quick. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'll change the word. OK, I'll change that one word. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know, I'm not dropping that subject. I'm sorry, because obviously with a pub landlord, I do a lot of like kids these days stuff and they're like, yeah, do you mean us?

Little. So I suppose because I'm obviously so in awe of your generation of comics I watched on TV at the time. And were you all talking about being parents? Because you imagine it's all kind of rock and roll and stuff. But were you, obviously, your good mates are like Harry Hill and stuff. Yeah, I mean, there'd be a bit of chatter about that. I mean, I think what's really, really interesting is that there are many more comedians than there ever were. Or it seems to me. Yeah, I think there are, yeah, yeah. There's lots more. So, I can't think, there would have been someone who talked about being a parent. That would have been their thing,

that they were like the parent guy. Yeah. And often it would be women someone who talked about being a parent. That would have been their thing, that they were like the parent guy. And often it would be women who would talk about parenting a lot more in their stuff, I think. Because of the way gender roles and all that. But yeah, I mean, there would be, you'd talk about it and you'd talk about basically, there's a Twitter account that says, you know, having kids hasn't stopped us from doing anything we used to do. We still do the same stuff.

It's just ruined. On the nose? Yeah. I mean, I think that's what we used to talk about. I mean, the main thing is just that if you are out at night, because we're night people, aren't we? Yeah. In essence, yeah, you end up filming and so you end up having to do early mornings and

wondering where you went wrong. You know, I mean, I did literally get into this business so I didn't have to get up in the morning. Yeah. Those people that do like sitcoms where they'll get picked up at five every day, I think, can you be fucked? Yeah. You don't even get a proper buzz because you don't, you know, you don't see anyone laughing. No. It's so crowd. So have you ever talked to actors about that where you say, do you know, it's going well? That was a good bit, I think. Yeah, exactly. They said cut.

Exactly. And that well, that's what the actors say. If the director says cut, let's move on. Then I've obviously done it right. Do you feel like you're a different parent? Because you've got these kind of the 20 and 24 and then you've got the six year old. Are you a different person and a different parent? Yes, I feel, I mean I am, I mean I had some material about it in the show, not this show,

the show before, about, I used to have this thing, and somehow I used to get to this via Brexit right. So I had a piece of material about Brexit, they said, but the basic problem with Brexit is a thing you can only ever do ever do once. So the publand was basically saying there'll never be another morning like that morning where we woke up and realized we told the whole of Europe to fuck off. We'll never get that feeling ever again in our lives. So that's the thing to be sad about. Like having a first child. So that was the tenuous piece of sinew that connected those. So basically, it is that thing. Your first child, there's coasters, there's posters, there's t-shirts of their face. They're named tattooed on you. The whole thing.

Yeah. The camera roll is all pictures of them. Yeah. The second kid is like, get up. You're all right. The third kid, no photographic evidence of their existence. Fourth, kids are poltergeist, right? Objects move in the house, food disappears, you know, all that, right? Straightforward idea. But I am now sort of, with two older ones, you're much more in the kind of poltergeist zone. Like, yeah.

Oh, crying, are you? Okay. How was it though? Because obviously, you know, there was a big gap between the kids, like your energy levels and stuff like that. Like people always say, like, if you have kids a bit older and stuff, because you were younger when you had your first two, did you find it harder or was it fine because you weren't so overly worried and paranoid like you are with the first? I think it balances itself out. It's a sort of quantity theory of effort. I mean, maybe

I'm making less effort because I can make less effort, both ways. I'm able to make less effort because I'm older and more knackered. But also I know I don't need to make it. It's like the two things have sort of sat in balance with each other. Because certainly my first time around I was very much like, I think I was pretty sort of keen and up in the morning. And the first time around I think you could expend a lot of energy and a lot of stuff and you actually, there's no need, it's all right. Mason- You can worry about them non-stop even when they're not with them and it's just exhausting energy and a lot of stuff and yeah, and you actually there's no need. It's all right. Yeah. You can worry about them nonstop even when they're not with them and it's just exhausting

where you go actually, they've probably got a bit of a cold and the cow pulse sorted out, but when it's your first one you're like, okay do we need to go to the hospital? Oh god, oh god. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you go further into that because my oldest Scarlett she has a, and she won't mind me talking about this, she has a left side hemiplegia, which is a form of cerebral palsy. So we had all that to deal with when she was little. Then you're like, I'm not worrying about a cold or a fever. This is like a thing, a thing we actually have to tackle. Then you find yourself caught in the whole loop of like, you've got to be bullish and you've got to be aggressive and you've got, with the services

to get what you want out of them. You've got to really bullish and you've got to be aggressive with the services to get what you want out of them. You've got to really push and you've got to push endlessly. And you've got to protect your child from how you're, because you're feeling generally you're going to those meetings wanting to flip desks over and go, for Christ's sake, why won't you people help? And why does everything take so long and all that sort of thing? And you want to keep their spirits up because we would go to occupational therapy clinics, you know, once every six months and you think, well, how's this helping? What's the point of any of this? And what are we getting out of it? And so, that with a first child, it feels justified being like

over, worried about them in a way. But she was amazing. I remember she used to wear a splint on her leg to correct her gait. And she was sort of three, and she's wearing this plastic splint, she's hobbling about on it. And this woman in a shop says, oh, you know, what's happened to your legs, sweetheart? And she went, long story. That's amazing. You're like, yeah, go on, rock on. You've made a good stuff. And so what age did you realise, like, that something was different, or up, or whatever? ALICE By the time she was one, it was quite clear there was something going on in her

musculature, because she would present by gripping her hand, her left hand, with her thumb between her index finger and her middle finger, and holding her arm up. At the time she was walking, she was walking on her left foot on a tiptoe. The muscles were all spasm. And then you go see a doctor and the doctor goes, well, I don't know. So, they send you on to someone else and it all just took ages. And then I think when she was about two and a half, we moved house to a different borough. And then you're like, it's literally snakes and ladders. You're like, oh my God. You've got to start again. But then I've been in the same place ever since, so the care was consistent. But she'll tell you that then when you turn 18, you just fall completely off the grid. There is no handover.

There is no moment where you go from one set of disability services to another. You just fall off a ledge and you have to find the people yourself and you have to get yourself referred all over again and basically start again. And very often sort of, Scarlett's done advocacy for this and all this stuff, so they've written about it. And she writes really brilliantly about it, about how it made her feel when she was a kid, how she felt different and how that plays out at school. And you know, some people bully you and some people take care of you and make a fuss of you. And maybe the fuss is as annoying as the bullying, because you want to just get on with your

life. Yeah. But she said that very often, with child disabilities, you know, there is a thing to take care of you. But then with cerebral palsy in particular, people tend to forget that adults have got it. And it's essentially like having had a stroke, but in the third trimester. So she presents with a muscle paralysis, like people have had a stroke.

Yeah, of course. If you've had a stroke, the alarm bells go off and they treat you. But if you're a kid who's grown up with it, you turn 18, you fall off the radar. And I think she's found some of it hard, she's found some of it just like philosophic to deal with. But she found that bewildering that there wouldn't be like a moment where you're continuing. It's really kind of strange, actually. We just moved house and we went to book an appointment. We're in like 20 minutes away where we were before and our old GP was like, no, you've moved too far away at the catchment, we can't service you. Here's a letter to say that you're going to be taking off our books

in two weeks time. You're like, oh, okay. All right. So we've been evicted from there. But no list of like in your new area where to go. So you're sort of like, okay, we're just trying to find a doctor. And then it was like, yeah, we're full. I was like, okay, so I have no doctor now. Okay, so you're full and we've okay, we're just trying to find a doctor. And then it was like, yeah, we're full. I was like, okay, so I have no doctor now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you're full and we've been chucked out of there. So there is just not a doctor at the moment. Okay. Brilliant. So got something you're really having to deal with it. That all. Yeah. And that's just trying to get one for like cold. But if you've got, like you say, a real issue that needs proper treatment, it must be a nightmare.

Yeah. Because the other thing is the thing we were always conscious of is that the word minor is wrong, because it's not a minor disparity, because it affects everything about her. She wasn't in a wheelchair, so you weren't... And in fact, this is the thing, she's always said this, that people don't see it to start with, so they don't see it, so they don't take account of it. And then it's a thing you have to address and introduce. That itself can be quite tricky. But that was the ongoing sort of slugfest as a parent from when she was two to when she was 18 really. And I'll put my hand up,

very, very fortunate that I earned the kind of money where we were able, and the NHS is an amazing thing and I'm going to get angry tweets about this, but we were really fortunate that we were able to, if we had to, there was a service called Second Skin from Australia who would make a Lycra splint to help our hand, but you had to pay for that. You had to do that privately. And so I'm aware of the people who couldn't access that, but we would do that. And thank Christ I'm paid too much money to talk shit. What that boils down to. I think my lucky fucking stars. And also that when I came through as a comic, there was so much work when I was a circuit

comedian. You could do 10 gigs a week if you wanted to. So you could spend five years learning how to do it. Yeah. Yeah. And also the pay on the circuit as well sort of was good then, but the numbers you get paid haven't really gone up much. They're the same aren't they?

Yeah. It's something I find really amazing. It's like, oh yeah, it's hard, you know, 150 quid for that club. That was the same in 1998. That's £106.25 to do the middle in that one. Okay. Yeah, exactly. I know how much my house is worth more than it... What?

It's £8 for butter. If Gig Freeze had gone up at the same speed as houses, none of us would ever leave the circuit. It'd be £10,000 of success. Exactly. Be like, all right, OK, fine, I'll do it. It's like, we'll drive to Bo. We'll all be fighting to go back on the circuit.

Yeah. Obviously it's really difficult for the child who's going through it. But as an adult with their first child, that must be an incredibly emotionally kind of draining thing to go through because you're a support, right, for that whole kind of thing. It's tough. I mean, I like to think of myself as a kind of like, all right, keep calm, carry on person. ALICE Stiff upper lip.

ALISTAIR Stiff upper lip. And that's how I like to see myself. I may not actually be that, but that's the sort of thing I aspire to, sort of emotionally self-reliance and all that sort of thing. It was the frustrations of it. It's the frustrations of the systems. More in a way than my poor baby. It's like, why the fucking hell are we having to do this? Why isn't this easier? And then you'd also think, thank God it's a bigger, harder problem, like something more difficult to have to deal with. Which you see, you see all the time. When your kids are ill, or whatever, I don't want to go too deeply into this, but my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, they lost my nephew, their son, he died two and a half years ago.

He had a very rare blood cancer. And watching them go through that, you think, right, okay, everything we went through. Yeah, of course. Shut up. Yeah. Shut up. It's the sort of thing your parents say to you, there's always someone worse off than you, but on that occasion, I know there is. Yeah, of course. Yeah. It's the sort of thing your parents say to you, there's always someone worse off than you but on that occasion, I know there is.

Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah. It still doesn't make your problems not exist, but it can help you put them in perspective. Exactly, which is always useful, especially if you're a stand-up comedian. I mean, if I were going down at mine. Oh, yeah. I mean, our job does take the piss really. I know it is that the people look at it and go, it's awkward and hard and you might die

in your ass for a bit at the start, but fuck me. Once you get into the groove of it. And also, if you just get 20 minutes, it's half decent. It's still a decent knife. Just fucking running around doing that. You don't even have to write anymore. Actually, what we're doing, we're letting far too much light in on it. It's a hard job, but it's not impossible. This is the topic Al doesn't want to speak about. He's happy to talk about the other topic. This is the one that he's like.

Okay, let's forget about the standard. Let's talk about the real hard art that's impossible to penetrate, which is podcasts. Oh yeah. Now that really, that's much harder than comedy that sat down in your house. You're one of the OGs.

You've been doing your Second World War podcast for years, haven't you? May 2019 we started. Yeah. And we took it along nicely. And basically what it is, we talk about Second World War podcast for years, haven't you? May 2019 we started. Yeah. And we took it along nicely, and basically what it is, we talk about the Second World War, it's called World War Two Pod, we have ways of making you talk, and it's me and James Holland, he's a brilliant, brilliant historian. I know where this is going, what a lovely kicker to this.

And he's a tremendous friend of mine, so basically, we used to meet in the pub, he'd ring me up and he'd go, I'm in town, I've gotta see my publisher Wednesday, should we go to the pub and talk about the Second World War? I'd be like, yeah. Right. So, that's what we were doing anyway. And then we got this fellow, Tony Paster, who's a goal hanger, who make, and they make the rest is history, the rest is politics, they make all those, the rest is things. Yeah. He said he's interested in the war and he wanted to do a podcast about it. So, he asked Jim who should he work with. So anyway, we're ticking over nicely, and it's just, you know, we'll talk about radios for an hour. And do you have to research this, Al, or are you just so obsessed with it? Because you're

obsessed with it, right? I'm really, really interested in it. But I now know that I knew nothing about it. I now know that in relative terms, I still know very, very, very, very little about it. Because it's genuinely a gigantic subject. Because it's literally a global event. Yeah. It's in the title. Exactly. The clue's in the name. Luckily, it's only 60 years. And it's a sequel, so you've got to get up to speed with the first one. That's it. You need to know a bit about the first one. But no, our whole thing is it starts in September of 39, ends in August of 1945. Anything else isn't interesting.

We were ticking over nicely and then the pandemic came and it turned into this, it's very odd, it suddenly bloomed. I started doing audiobooks of memoirs that were out of print and stuff like that, because I had time for our listeners. Then we kind of doing a live cast, I think every Monday or every other Monday. Well where basically we get hissed and take questions and I've got on another historians and stuff. Tough though, isn't it? It's not an easy job. Do you know what I mean? Like, don't want people thinking that... Oh, I don't want anyone thinking... One minute thinking, it's me yakking with a mate about a thing we're interested in.

People emailing in going, who was the best general in the Second World War? And then us arguing about it. I mean, there's more to it than that. And actually what's happened is effectively in the last four years, I've essentially kind of done an MA in conflict studies or something. And I know a lot more about it. I wrote an actual history book last year. So you've totally transitioned into being a historian. Not completely. He's not a virgin, so he can't fully be one. There's also the other reason why doing two gigs a week is more amenable, because

I've just signed off on it, or I'm just signing off on my second history book. So writing those is much, much worse than, like harder than any work of it. That's a proper job. That. Because it's in black and white and then people can read it and go, you got that wrong, you moron. Yeah. Oh, he's full of shit, that's what he's talking about.

So anyway, when we do a festival, so we- Bloody hell. The thing is with these subjects, I know people think it's middle-aged men barbecuing and smoking meats and the Second World War. I know that's what we're meant to do. We found a whole load of people who are really, really interested in it, but not in a light flag way, the jingoistic way. They're fascinated by the topic. They're all on the allies side, correct? Yes. And at our festival, we do not

allow anyone to turn up with any SS crap. It's not that sort of thing. Basically, it's a weekend. It's like a literary festival really. So it's a load of writers, it's panels, it's people discussing stuff. We've got some Spitfires coming over at lunchtime. We've got a field full of tanks, and then entertainment in the evening. We did a panel show last year, which was quite good fun. So where is it? A place called Black Pit Brewery, which is next door to Silverstone. Yeah.

So just in 40. And does it have any relevance to the second world war? No, not as far as I know, although I imagine Silverstone was an airstrip. Yeah. There are lots of airstrips around there. You know what? I'm going to have to find that out now.

Thanks. But the kicker, which I might be wrong on this, is that James Holland, who you do it with, was asked to recommend a historian to do a general history podcast for Goalhanger. Yeah. Is this right? He recommended his brother, Tom. Yeah. And now they have the biggest podcast in the world. I know. The rest is history. I know. And a lot of that came about because they're on holiday together, the brothers Holland,

and Jim said, I've got to go off and record a podcast. And Tom's like, what's that? I don't know what podcast it is. And he explained, and then he explained that we were making advertising, whatever. And Tom like immediately bought a microphone. And as they say, the rest is history. As they say, the rest is history. As they say, the rest is history. I mean, that thing is a juggernaut. It's quite incredible. They toured it in Australia earlier in the year.

I mean, they go all over the world. It's extraordinary. It's absolutely amazing. It's a lot easier to do Australia's history though, isn't it? Yeah. It's a quick one. I love it and it's all bad. Yeah.

Do you have anything else you want to promote? I mean, this has been the greatest PR ever. You've done your drum. I know. You've done the World War II book, the World War II podcast, the World War II festival. You're on tour. Well, I mean, my in-laws' charitsey would be nice. Well, they set it up in memory of their son.

Oh, go on. Go on, Al. A thing called Finley's Touch. His name was Finley and he liked practical jokes and stuff. But they also, they had 18 months in hospital, so they know what it's like going to Great Ormond Street, or somewhere like that, when you've got a kid with something really wrong with them. So they do a hospital survival bag, which has in it, books, so we've got a load of people

to give us books. It's got coffee in it, good coffee. It's got like a Wi-Fi voucher. It's got honking chicken, because Finlay loved playing with his honking chicken and annoying the nurses. It's got a joke book that he wrote. It's got all this stuff in it. Basically, we raise money for that. And then we go to Great Ormond Street, and our hall downstairs is full of these survival bags to go to Gosh later in the week. And we do, and our hospital in Brighton as well.

Oh, brilliant. Which is pretty cool. And what's really nice is that the listeners to our podcast have taken this to their heart. So last year at the History Festival, all the blokes who make model tanks, and I include myself in that because I got back into it when I had nothing to do with the pandemic. Pandemics had such an impact on your life. Yeah. Avalon must be fucking livid. You were touring every night now you're at home making model tanks.

What could you do? Doing arenas and now he just likes to stay at home and do tanks. I have got some models with me on the road as well. On the road if I'm bored. Or to paint them on the road. Stick them together. You can't paint them. Stick them together. All right. I know, I know, paint them on the road. Stick them together, you can't paint them. Stick them together, alright. I know, I know, well you know.

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Be Love. Shop now at Pandora.net. But basically, so we did a thing last year at the fair, all the model makers all do this thing, where they built a whole regimen of Sherman tanks. Sherwood Rangers, Yeomari, built the whole thing. They had to pay to enter and then we auctioned them off and we made thousands out of that. And then they have the Hawaiian shirt competition that we made thousands out of that. And then this year they're all doing walks, they're doing sponsored walks, what they're calling it,ing for Finley.

Oh, lovely. All for the show. Finley's Touch, is it? It's touch. And they're raising a ton of money and it's really cool. Oh, and the other thing. Yes. So my daughter, I forgot to mention this, my daughter Willow is a singer. And during the pandemic, we wrote about four hours of music and she's putting an album out next month. Bloody hell. Wow. We're putting it up on the internet.

Nice. And what putting it up on the internet. Nice. And what's it called? It's called The City Awaits. She's called Willow May. When we did the pandemic, she was really into badminton. It's kind of about like a madman wife who like wants to leave her shitty husband and go back to New York. It's a concept album.

Wow. Amazing. That's quality. You've lived an interesting life, haven't you Al? I know, there's a lot going on here. Well, you know what? I always think the great thing about this career or this life, if you treat it as a career you might get stuck, but if you treat it as a life, as a path, who knows what will

bring you? You know what I mean? I mean, years and years ago on my old talk show, we did a thing where I ended up singing with Queen, right? My wife worked on that. Did she? She was a researcher or an AP on that. She said you're the nicest person she's ever worked for

who's in front of the camera, including me. That's my problem. Oh. You need to be harsher. It's been much tougher. Yeah, she said you could get away with fucking murder. It was brilliant. I was singing with Queen. We were rehearsing, right? And I sat there with one of the crudie bit, I bet, you know, this is your wildest dream come true. I said, no, not really.

It never occurred to me I would ever get to sing with Queen. Who would ever think that? Yeah. That was so stupid. That's kind of how I've always seen it. You know, if I end up making a history podcast, that's like, just full up in my nose. Because that is how I've always seen it. If I end up making a history podcast, that's just full up in my nose. Because that is how I came out with the Poblano character came about by accident. Was it part of Harry Hill? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did a show in Edinburgh and I had to fill a gap.

We were in the Cabaret bar and I said, let's say the comp didn't turn up in the bar, I'm just off to fill in. Oh wow. And he's like, yeah, whatever. And so what were you doing before that? I had a thing where I used to do, it was a special act where I'd do sound effects. Oh really? What tanks and Spitfires and stuff like that?

Guns and Spitfires and things. But. Genuinely. There was a thing at the end of the Spitfire where you'd shove animals into the propeller. It was really bleak. It's the sort of thing you come up with when you're 20. Oh sick as fuck jokes. But the Piazza La Resistanza was a car boot opening, which I will, if you want, I'll do now. Oh, sick as fuck jokes. But the PS4 Resistance was a car boot opening, which I will if you want, I'll do.

Yeah, yes, please. So this is it. It would go like this. Look at that. And then I think I couldn't hear that. I don't know if he didn't pick it up. It's going to be the zoom, won't it? I'll tell you what, I'll turn my preamp up. Oh, here we go. Oh, we're in the fucking studio now. Here we go.

Look at that. It's not working. So, oh, do you know what? It's not working. It's not, look. Oh, do you know what? It's so good. It thinks it's other sound. Yeah, because Zoom cuts out external noises, so it thinks El Cabo is actually... You hear this now? No, it's still cutting it out.

It's so weird. It goes silent whenever you do it. It's so good. Have you got local recording, QuickTime? Yeah, I've got everything here. You've just done a fucking album, Josh. You think you've got local recording, Quicktime. Yeah, I've got everything here. Could you think he's just done a fucking album, Josh? You think he's got Quicktime? I didn't got Quicktime.

No, what's that? Just changed the sound mode. Does this work now? No, it's still cutting it out. What's going on? It's always going on. I'm Googling El Marey Kalboot. Yeah, it's a killer impression.

Oh, this is you on, you did it on Celeb Juice. And I did it on The Word as well. Did you do it on The Word? I met Nirvana on The Word for Christ's sake. And you were doing car boot and they were doing Smells Like Teen Spirit? Yes, I met Nirvana on The Word. They were nice.

They were nice boys. And you were on to do the car boot or you the pub land? Yeah, I did my machine guns and I think I stuck the car boot on the end because I thought that's the funniest bit. So we use it. He's under there. But what were they like? They were just sort of goofy.

Goofy blokes. Hi, guy. Hi. Dave Grohl is kind of goofy, I suppose. He's kind of goofy. And Kurt was sort of goofy and struck me as goofy and quiet. And it was the one where he said, this is for Courtney Love, he's the best fuck in the world.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, that's an iconic moment. Punk rock moment. Yeah, and I'm just at the corner somewhere. Car boot man in the corner. Car boot man in the corner. This car boot's for Courtney Love. Oh, well, I've moved to, I'm near Big Inhill Airport, so I see the Spitfires going over

all the time. Have you been up in one yet? No, I haven't. Have you? Yeah. What's it like? It's amazing. I've done it three times now. Yeah. First time I did it,

I sort of blanked it and it was just a thing with the people who owned it and the whole idea was, you know, I'd do a piece for the paper after it. And it is like one of those sensory experiences where you're like, it cannot take it all in in one go, right? Yeah. Like the noise, the smell, because when the engine starts, it does this big burp of burning aviation fuel, it goes like that and then it goes up it goes, right? And the noise is inside you and all around you because it's such a deep roar on the Merlin. But the belch of the burning aviation fuel is like completely overwhelming and off you go, you sit behind the pilot up in the thing and you can't see past him. It's got a wheel at the back that drives up in the thing and you can't see past him.

It's got a wheel at the back that drives around like that, so you can't see. And the pilot taxi sideways and you can't see anything. So it's really weird to start with. And then you take off and suddenly it's like, oh my God, I'm in a Spitfire for Christ's sake. And it was at Duxford, which is near Cambridge. So we went up and it was one of those days with tiny little white fluffy clouds, completely perfect blue sky. And I basically, we were up for about 10, 15 minutes, completely boggled. I get out and the minute I get out the plane, Blake puts a mic in my face, he goes, what was that like? Do you like it? I don't know. I'm overwhelmed. I'll tell you what it was like. I'm completely overwhelmed. It's also that thing, you know, when you're eight, you think, oh, one day it wouldn't

be great to go on a Spitfire. And you actually do it and you're like, ah, fuck. Like, what do I think about this? Oh God. Because I'm not super into the war and into it like that, but when I moved into it, the three went over at once in like formation because they were doing something nearby. And I still now, and they go over a lot and and they're mesmerising and I'm not into it, but they're so low, they're so loud, they're so distinctive.

Can you imagine what it was like when you saw hundreds going over? Yeah, a whole squadron's coming out of Biggin Hill. That place is really, so that's a guy called Peter Monk who owns it. In the summer, you get there, they make you watch a video, you sign the waiver, obviously. The minute you've signed the waiver, there's someone else watching the video, there's someone else getting the play, someone getting you a flight suit. It's like a production line. It's absolutely amazing. All these people on their birthday or anniversary or they're treating themselves. It's a very jolly vibe there, but you also get the feeling

they are making some money. Yeah. Yeah, I bet it is. They sometimes send up another one, not of Spitfire, but a smaller plane to fly alongside them and film them and take photos. It's mad. Then the second time I did it, it was for a programme I was being filmed. So it's that thing of we're flying along and you've been given your lines to do. Yeah. So again, I'm thinking, am I ever going to get to experience this like for myself?

Right. Yeah. Still brilliant. I'm up in a spit for I'm not complaining here. Right. But you sat there and the pilot's going, I was just going to turn left here or whatever. Yeah. Okay. Fine. I've got to do my lines. And they go in 1942. I've got it wrong. Got to do it again. But the worst one for that was I did it when I did this program called, why does everyone hate the English? The director's big ideas that I would parachute into one for that was, I did a, when I did this program called Why Does Everyone Hate the English, the director's big idea is that I would parachute into Germany for that. So, if you have either of you parachuted, Dunham? No, I couldn't deal with that. Again, because that's the thing where it's like completely like, your senses are going

eh, what? I don't understand, right? And I've done it before, I did it years ago, I did it 20 years ago for another program, and then I did it a couple more times to sort of, again, because you do it for a program, you like think, I want to just do this, see what it's like. We go to Germany, we go to this airfield, and it's this tiny woman that I'm then strapped to. Tiny woman.

I mean, the whole head and a half shorter than me. Who's a doctor? And she goes, are you ready to jump? I'm like, yeah, of course. You basically sit in a lap in the aeroplane attached to her. And then you shuffle on your bum over to the door. And another guy then climbs out of the aeroplane with a camera and then you both jump at the same time. So he's filming you as you go down. She had a GoPro on her wrist, right? We're falling, falling, falling, falling, falling. Or I had a GoPro, I can't remember, on my wrist. Falling, falling,

falling, falling. And then the parachute opens and I have to do my piece to camera. And I'm thinking, absolutely cannot fuck this up, right? Because he'll make me do it again. The director will make me do this again. And I wasn't really enjoying it much on that occasion, because of the pressure. And have you got your lines written down or have you got to remember them while you're falling? I've got to remember them. And it's literally a piece of camera like this. So you're coming down on the parachute going, I'm parachuting into Germany like this. Right. And luckily I got them right. But you know that thing where you've got lines you absolutely must screw up? They're the ones you screw up because you start thinking about them, then you start

thinking about screwing them up and you think about, got to get it right this time and all that. And we come down and luckily, I think I got one clean take. You land and Henning was Henning Vang was at the bottom going, Oh, there he is. The great big fat show off. Thanks, Henning. Actually, I didn't enjoy that very much. It's scary. God, I can do it.

I couldn't do it. Oh, it's been an absolute pleasure to talk to you. Sorry, I can do it. I couldn't do it. Ow. It's been an absolute pleasure to talk to you. Sorry, I wang on. No, brilliant. Loved it. I think we've never covered a broader selection of topics from drums. NHS waiting times to get your daughter seen. Charities, the war.

Yeah. The Perrier Award. Carbo. Don't forget the charity everyone. The carbo. Try it once more. No, it goes silent. It goes silent every time.

I'm not understanding. Wait, wait, does this work? Can you give us some sound effects? I'll do a carbo opening for you if you want. Yeah, I want. Do you want to hear this? Do you want to hear this? Goes like this.

Look at that. Can you just about hear it? Yeah. One final question, Al, we always leave on. Yes. Just about there. Yeah. One final question, Al, we always leave on the one thing your partner does, parenting wise, that really annoys you. And if she were to listen, she'd go fair enough. And what's the one thing she does?

We go, ah, she's an amazing parent. I'm so lucky to have a child. Well, they're the same thing. Taking my daughter to swimming. She's amazing for doing that. And I admire her so much. And it shames me for not doing it. The amount, the identical, you know, the reciprocal bearing of each other. It's horrible though, and it's sat in a swimming pool.

I can't bear it! The worst. Awful. So hard. And there's a video screen, this one, there's like a video screen, you're meant to sit and like watch. I don't like swimming myself, so it really feels, it feels like a video screen, you're meant to sit and like what? I don't like swimming myself. So it really feels it feels like a full bore chore. Yeah. But she recognizes it.

She makes it happen. My daughter's really taking to it and so on and so forth. And it shames me. So it's the they're the same thing. Do you know what? I really hope your daughter goes on and represents GB in the Olympics and you'll be sat there with your wife and everyone will know he didn't want to be there then and he still doesn't

want to be there now. And you know what, if that were to happen, if she won a gold medal, I'd be like, oh, god's sake. We're going to pool again, are we? Cheers, that has been amazing. Thank you so much. A total pleasure. Thanks boys. Cheers mate. Good luck with the festival. Al Murray. Enjoyed that one there, Josh?

Yeah, really fun. Oh, it's just another great one, Rob. He loves war. He loves war. I just think, how can you talk about something where there's no more new news? Well, Rob. But then it's just a deep, complex topic. It's just such a deep, complex topic. I don't know. Yeah, I suppose even if you're doing history,

at least history is going forward. Liz Truss is now history, if that makes sense. Yeah, but not war history. Lettuce history. Yeah, lettuce history. There might be a third world war. No, I enjoyed it. Al Murray, go to the festival,

listen to the podcast, go and see him on tour. Yeah. Buy his history book. And if you're interested in all those things, good luck to you. And buy his drum. Drumming, drumming. If you are the one person that has purchased

every one of Al Murray's avenues, let me know. Cause I don't think there's many. Yeah, no. I think comedy and history bit, but the drum is what's really gonna separate the Al Murrayites from the Al Murrayites. Exactly. Do write in if you've bought everything Al Murray's ever done.

I'm an Al Murray completist. Yes, let us's ever done. I'm an Elmari completist. Yes, let us know. Right, I'll see you next time, Josh. Soon, Tuesday. Bye.