Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP43: "Lou hung up on me..."

Episode Date: June 4, 2024

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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with. Yeah, can you say, Beckett?

Yeah, Beckett. Well done. Can you say, Beckett? Yeah, Beckett. Well done. Can you say, Josh? Where'd it come? Go. Josh? Josh? Josh.

Where'd it come? Where'd it come? Uh oh. Well done. And can you say a cup of tea? A cup of tea. There we go. I tell you what, that was one of the youngest but best Widdicombes we've ever had. It was 18 months old.

Wow. Do you want to have a guess where from? New Jersey. Stockholm. What? Stockholm, Sweden. Oh, this annoys me when Swedish people learn English from watching Friends. A girl that was on my course when I did tourism management, she sounded so American, but she was from Malmo.

Oh, Malmo. Hello, this is my 18-month-old daughter, Frida Fernanda. Fia, for short, F-I-A. Frida Fernanda, I like it. Yeah, saying your names. She loves to talk and is a little parrot, so I've just started teaching her English. Can Rob guess where we're from?

Too late. I've been a dedicated listener since the first trimester of my unplanned pregnancy, and you've been a great support and sort. Wow, there's a lot to take in, unplanned, trimester. Unplanned, Is that necessary information? The first trimester of my unplanned pregnancy. Well, it is kind of relevant.

You've been a great support and source of laughter. I couldn't understand your reaction to the Russell Kane approach. To me, as a single mother-to-be, it sounded grand, and I bought all the books Russell recommended. Oh, right, and she did the Russell method. She did the Russell method. Hope you'll continue the podcast until we're all grandparents.

I love most of your most of your observations. I absolutely love Scandinavians. They don't take any shit. I'm playing in your face. I think Russell came was right. And I like most of your observations. See you later. I love most of your observations and hearing about your struggles, including as dog and cat daddies. Lots of love.

Tove, is it Tove or is it Tover? And Fia in Stockholm, Sweden. T-O-V-E, is that just Tove? No idea. No idea. But you know, everyone parents in a different way. Well, Russell's method was like, you know, a lot of cry out and that kind of stuff, but that actually helped with my daughter. We did that as a

last chance salute. Let's just say we interviewed Russell Kane when his daughter was about five, the length of time we've been going now, she's probably almost a teenager. We've got to get Russell Kane back on. We've got to get Russell Kane back on. Tova will love that. That'll be part of the most of the observations you write. I'll say what though, most is better than some. Exactly. Yeah.

I'll take most. Most of the time you than some. Exactly, yeah. I'll take most. Most of the time you're funny. Some of the time you're funny. Oh, do you know what? I was listening to something. I love it when you get excited about something and you get a little bit like you move in your chair because you're excited to tell me something. I was listening to two comedians who are friends talking. That narrows it down. One was interviewing the other. The friends part. One was interviewing the other, yeah. I presume they're friends. I've got no knowledge, actually.

I presume they were. They were. Normally most podcast duos, they were. One was interviewing the other about their book, right? Right. And the one who was doing the interview said, I've read it. It's fine.

And I thought, fuck it, Al. It's fine. Fine. I'd never say that to you because I'd, fuck it now. Fine. Fine. I'd never say that to you because I'd never read it. Exactly. That's how this relationship works. Listen to our podcasts. We consistently tell our guests their stuff is great, even though

we've never experienced it. Look, I will never upset anyone with my opinion on their stuff because I will not consume their stuff. Exactly. It's the perfect crime. Then you never have to be false. You never have to lie. upset anyone with my opinion on their stuff, because I will not consume their stuff. It's the perfect crime. Then you never have to be false. You never have to lie. No.

Exactly. And if you say, have you seen it? You go, no. And sometimes they go, have you read the book? If you go, no. For them, it's a relief, because they probably think it's shit. Yeah. I've clocked the system.

Yeah. So what did the other one say to him saying it's fine? It was said as if it was a compliment. In a funny way? So the other one seemed happy with that. Yeah, it was good. Just say, it's good. Yeah was said as if it was a compliment. But in a funny way. So the other one seemed happy with that. Yeah, it was good. Just say, it's good. Yeah, it was good.

Because they're still not overboard. No one gives a fuck. About you or your book. Well, what I mean is no one's going to go, wait a minute. I've been sold a pup here. I was told this was good by someone who was clearly lying. Do you know what I mean? It's just, just be polite. Anyway.

How are you, Rob? We haven't spoken in years, it feels like. Well, it's been like a week or so, because we were filming. I was filming, so we sort of did one in advance, so we haven't spoken from yet. What have you and the big man been off doing? Or can't you say? Oh, me and Ramesh have been doing a darts episode when we met Luke Littler.

Oh, yeah. Nice bloke. Really nice bloke. Paid some darts with him. I went to the darts last night and I Littler. Oh yeah, nice bloke. Very nice bloke, played some darts with him. I went to the darts last night and I saw him win. Oh, Ali Pali? No, the O2 Arena sold out. Oh wow. 14,000 people, he won the Premier League darts. Oh yeah.

Basically, you play for 16 weeks, you get to the top of the league, the top four go through to a playoff, he won the playoff and got a nine darter. Oh wow. And nine data in real life in front of 14,000 people. It was one of the most spectacular sporting moments I've ever been. It's so hard to get the dots in the right place.

And that basically a nine dollar is you have to get down from 501 to zero. It's the quickest you can do it. Yeah. Yeah. If you throw perfect darts, you can get to zero in nine dots and it is almost impossible. It probably happens a couple of times a year. Well, a couple of times a year on camera, but about 50 times a year in all of the tournaments,

but there's some behind closed doors and some... Yeah. So it was really special to see that. So that was amazing. So I was doing that with Ron. Wow. And then we're off doing UFC stuntman training and heavy metal. But yeah, so after bits of Bob, so yeah, that's why we've not spoken for ages. Yeah, I know. It's been weird. Do you want to go first? Should I go first?

Should I talk to you about my bed? I've got a bed story about my daughter's bed, but talk to me about your bed. Oh, that's what I meant, daughter's bed. That's how much you're in there. Well, no. Do you not call it you and Rose's bed? Where is Rose? She is away at the moment, but that's just a coincidence.

Are she working? No, you know this. So Rose is in Ibiza, because her and her three friends have had this booked in for quite a long time, maybe almost a year. Nice. It's May. It's an early Friday. They'll just be them and Wayne Lilliker. Yeah, they're not really doing that kind of thing.

They're just going for dinner and lying on the beach. Each to their own. Can I be honest about this, Rob? There's two of the other dads that are going out with two of the moms with kids. One of them started a chat between the three of us, with mates, right? And they were like, oh God, Saturday, I'm calling it the finish line. I'm like, it's fine. How long are they away for? Three or four days. Oh, so not that bad.

And during the week as well. Fucking man up, yeah. I just want us to go, come on. I know I've made a living complaining about parenting, but fuck it now. Josh, you are a, and this is why we get a little bit cheesed off for the mental load stuff sometimes, because you're a very modern parent. You do a lot of the parents here,

pretty split evenly between you and Rose. That's how you do it. I'd say if anything, that's underselling the amount I do. Joking, I'm joking. Many are true words, Jesse. No, but it's good though. It's good for Rose to go off and have fun. She's been working hard. What's going to be your little lad's trip away? I just quite like being here, Rob. Okay, but you don't fancy a little, like, few nights away with some friends? No.

You could go to, like, Madrid and watch Real Madrid play football or something. I just quite like being at home with my family. Look at the Euros, you could go to the Euros. I travel too much away. I don't like the amount I travel in my life. Okay, so if you get a chance to chill out, you just want to be at home. I just want to be at home.

Oh my God, you're like the love interest that Bridget Jones isn't into, but should be. Ha bear in mind, I know that maybe in the next year, I've got a possibly tour, Josh would have conducted. Oh, mailing list. I love the way you talk about this tour in the sort of a weird sort of like hidden, like I may tour, I may not, like you're a fucking comedian

that's gonna go on tour at some point, but you talk about it like, when I play Hamlet. I'm going on tour, but nothing can be confirmed. But. You've got a big announcement coming. I might have a big announcement that means I've away quite a lot. Once his rigs sorted and he could have some photos. Yeah, you can announce it. Oh, shall

I send that topless photo to Joel now? Well, have you got a topless photo? Didn't you send him? No, I sent him a topless photo, but you've only just started doing training. So it's just gonna be you topless. I'll send it today. And I'll say like what you say. And then I'll let you know how it went. Yeah okay so end of a topless one. We'll just keep sending topless photos to Joel and he can update us. So my daughter's ordered a bunk bed.

Has she? Well she's asked you to. My son's ready to go from cot to bed. Yeah. So her bed's moving down into my son's room. Right. Because he can't handle the cot anymore. It's just too... Yep. Fair enough. Hellish. Yeah. So it was a two week on order because he couldn't sleep in his cot. He had to sleep on a bed we made up on our floor. She joined him for two full weeks. And then you're in the double bed alone. I'm in the double bed occasionally

with Rose. Yeah. Right. With my little reading light. Yeah. Basically, the double bed arrives the day Rose goes to Ibiza. Not the double bed, the cabin bed arrives. So it's like a bunk bed height, but it's got space underneath. It's got a bunk bed and a desk and then a chair that gets made into a bed that is, I would say, totally pointless and unsleepable. Correct. Yes. But it's there in case you want to really upset a friend that was there. Yeah. Yeah.

I would say you're not having a nice sleep on that bed. No, no, no, no. So the guy arrives. You're going to be on that. You know that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. When she has a nightmare, you're going to be on that awful little bed. Yeah. Yeah. Can we have a picture of that bed? Yeah, it's just next door. I'll just go and take a photo now. Oh, okay. Cool.

All right. It's got his shorts on. on summertime. jumper on shorts on window open radiator on this guy knows how to live. Also, I think he's got too many books on his bookshelf. It looks like it's slanting and could break. I might have to warn him about that. We're just saying your shelf looks like it's getting a bit heavy with books and it's not going to hold that weight. Well, it's interesting you say that it did fall down once, because we had a dodgy builder put it up, but then another builder came in and put much stronger right. Okay.

Screws in. Yeah, just looks a bit slanty. I've videoed her bedroom Rob for you. Okay. It was because I want you to see where the other beds been moved to. All right. So she's got the captain's bed and then the other beds just that, but that's got to be your bed's got to be moved out of that room. Yeah. But I'm'm on my own with them at the moment the bedroom looks like the bedroom that I had in Peter Pan

do you know just sort of big long curtains and big like it's quite it's very nice so you've got to move that bed out of there but it's the doorways blocked because there's two big beds in the same room yeah yeah yeah yeah it'll be fine so how are you gonna get the bed out? You've got to disassemble the other bed, just take the ends off. Why didn't you just take it out in the first place before you built the other one? Because... He was on your own and couldn't lift it. Yeah. Because Rose wasn't there.

When it arrived, Rose wasn't there. So the guy turns up. Yeah, but she goes down the Cornwall because she needs to be there for deliveries because of the builders, but she leaves you on your own for deliveries. Well, Rob, you preach into the choir. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. So the guy turns up.

Yeah. He's driven from Nottingham in this bed. He normally would. You told him where you were going to deliver it to. You can't. I hate you when they turn up in the hump. No, he didn't turn up with the hump. I just asked him where he'd.

I've driven down from Sheffield. Yeah, but I've not changed my fucking delivery address, mate. You knew when you took the order where I lived. I don't turn up at Glasgow and go, fucking hell, long way to do a show. I knew where it was when I booked it in. To be fair, this guy wasn't complaining. He sounds like he was actually. I asked him where he had to go back to and he said, not again. Was it Barnabas? He normally works in a duo. In a duo? So both of us were flying solo. Okay. He helped me move the fish tank, he helped me move the other bed out the way, but I thought it'd be too much to say to him, before you go back to Nottingham, could you take this

bed down a floor with me? Did you build the cabin bed or did he assemble it when he bought it? You paid the extra, I think it's 120 quid. So he had to build that on his own? Yeah, it took him four hours. Yeah, but there was no one there to hold up the other side. I know, it was incredible to watch. He just watched him.

No, I just came back up occasionally and said, do you need a hand? And he'd go, no, I'm fine. And then it was all built. All right. Fair enough. That would have taken me two days. Oh, 100%. Yeah. And have you got a screwdriver or a drill? I've got a drill.

I've done it before. Screwdriver is so long. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. So you've got to now just take down the other bed. And so what's your son sleeping on? So first night, my son wants to sleep up the top of the bed with my daughter. Okay, well, that's kind of that can't happen. That's quite high,

isn't it? Yeah, no six. Really? I is really high. Also, Josh, I don't think she's gonna like this bed. Well, Rob, he's gonna be too high for her. So they're hanging out up there. But so then, basically, she does something which I would say the best big sister I've seen her do. She goes, look, I don't have to sleep up here tonight. We'll go and sleep on your floor again because he can't handle it. Basically. Oh, OK.

That's nice. So they slept on our floor night two, which was last night. So there's three people sleeping in a bedroom with one bed. Yeah. While there's a bedroom next door with two in a bedroom with one bed. Yeah. While there's a bedroom next door with two beds in. Yeah. Yep.

Yeah. So we go up. Yeah. He's agreed that he's going to sleep on the pink bed below the... Yep. He gets on it. It's his fucking right off. Why is it right off?

You can't sleep on that bed. Even a three year old? Well, he could, but it's just not. Why don't you just get rid of it? So eventually, he can't sleep on that bed. Okay. My daughter starts to feel sad because Rose is away. I say, do you want to sleep on my floor again? They go, yeah.

Then we get down to the floor. By the way, I've got to move all the bedding down. She's got a fan. Yeah, it's not made up. You've got to make it up. Yeah. Move down to the floor. We get them in the floor. By the way, I've got to move all the bedding down. She's got a fan. Yeah, it's not made up. You've got to make it up. Yeah. Move down to the floor. We get them in the bed. She starts crying. She's gutted that she's found to sleep in her cabin bed again. Right. Okay. Yeah.

She's inconsolable. I'm like, do you want a second go at it? Also, as well, she's used to because we spoke about this before, when she's used to sort of like you lying with her to get to sleep, but you can't rely with her. It's too high and not enough space. Yeah so I'm like do you want to have another go because she's inconsolable she's like yeah and I'm thinking f*** it now it's by now it's like five to nine. Day two yeah. Yeah last night so we go up her on the top one him back on the pink bed. He can't get comfortable, right? I said, do you want to move to your new bed?

That's in her other part of the room the bed that needs to be moved into his room He can go in until it's moved. Yeah. Yeah, he gets in that she's up there He can't go to sleep, but she gets to sleep He eventually Gets to sleep at about nine thirty five quarter to ten. He eventually gets to sleep at about 9.35 quarter to 10. Success, Rob. Yeah, I'd say so. Total, total success. I am working at 2am by a huge crash because I'm below them and the fan has fallen off her cabin bed onto the floor. But thank God.

He must have scared you so much. Yeah. I woke up and I thought, I don't think that's my daughter. So what have you perched the fan on? You know, like the kind of wooden corner. Oh my God, that's never going to work. Massive extension leaguers hanging down the side. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

It's such a big cabin bed as well. It's like if you stand on the floor, do your eyes level with your daughters, or you got to look up? I'd say my eyes are mattress level. Right, okay. It is big, I didn't realise. So high.

Yeah, it is really high. Can she touch the ceiling? I'm not letting her stand up on it. Right, okay. But she can if she stands up when I lose control. Probably she's gonna get bigger. Well, by the time she gets bigger, what age do you go, this is fucking mental,

I'm climbing up. I give that bed six to eight months. Do you? Yeah, I reckon she'll get bored of it and not like it. We'll see. Then it'll be moved down into his room. Anyway, long story short, now they both say that they're sharing a room.

And so they both enjoyed last night. So that was yesterday. But what we've got ourselves in the position of now Rob is how we're going to get either my daughter's room is now going to basically be two massive beds, filling up the whole space and his room is going to be totally empty. Or we're going to have to convince him to come downstairs with his bed. I'd wait until Rose is back. So, oh yeah, a couple of weeks, whatever that is.

Because then that way you can get it all set up and get it nice and coat, because no shade, but it's quite a messy room at the moment and a bit chaotic. Yeah. Just to be very clear, that is because I've, for obvious reasons. Yeah, you've been on your own and you've not tidied, fine, I'm not having a go, but I'm just saying. There's two beds in there! Well, I'm gonna say, but if once you and Rose

can like move the beds together, Yeah, yeah. get it all set up nice, and then one of you sits with your daughter, one sits with you, I think you'll be able to settle them into it. But at the moment, they're just not gonna wanna be on their own.

No, have your daughter's got a bunk or cabin bed? Well, so yes. So she had this bunk bed, but she used to sleep on the bottom of it. And then she's getting a bit bigger. It was one of them really small, tiny ones. It wasn't like a full size single bed. It was smaller. And she wasn't sleeping well. She kept on coming in, waking up in the middle of the night, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, so we bought a new bed to swap it around. But basically she just wants to be in bed with us or with me and Lou, but we went for a week of her waking Lou up every night and we had to go back in.

So basically I don't wake up. And I say to Lou, wake me up. And she's like, no, but you're so asleep. The other time I woke you up, I'm already in bed with her and gone back to sleep. But then so every night, Lou was sleeping with her for about a week and Lou was getting so tired and stressed.

I was like, well, I'll deal with it. And then I tried to deal with it. And then my daughter basically just refused to go to bed saying that she was too scared, doesn't want to sleep. I'm scared. I'm scared. I was awake with her from 3am till 5am. It was awful. But then I was like, well, no, I'm not going to get in bed with her and she's not getting in bed with us. So I was just sitting outside a room, just going, go to sleep. Because it was more of a power play thing. Yeah. Because before over the weekend, she was so, and I don't like sleeping in this new

bed of my own. So her sister set with her. And at one point she came in the little night when I'm scared, I'm all alone. It was like, you're laying next to your sister and it's true. Back to bed. And then she'd come in again and go, and I'm scared. And she'd woken up her sister and brought her in with her. Oh my God.

I'm no one's there to hold my hand. And then her sister went, I was holding your hand and she's half asleep. Okay. Oh, in the end I was felt a bit mean, but I was like, this was about 10 days in a row of her coming up to in the morning, either getting with us or us getting with her. I was like, this doesn't end well because when does it ever stop? So then she kept on coming in and said, she can't sleep.

And I sent her back. So I just sat outside of the room and every time she's going to, I was like, it's okay. Shh. And I kept saying, no one's ever gone to sleep who's talking so just stop talking and you'll go to sleep and I did that non-stop for like an hour and a half and it was quite brute I felt a bit mean but I was like nothing else is working because even if we go in with her and lie next to her go to sleep as soon as she wakes up she gets up yeah yeah it's not like it's untenable

do you know what it's like when we had, what are those things that everyone has that play the like audio books but on cards? Put a little toy on it and it plays it. Yeah. Yeah. We had that and we played it to get her to go to sleep but then she'd wake up and when it wasn't going it basically she needed it then to go to sleep. You've created this situation where if they wake up in the night they can't resettle themselves. That's exactly what it is. Our oldest kid we did cry out with can resettle herself, and she's absolutely fine. I feel like we've always sort of been a slight anchor of like going in, settling in line

with her, stroking, she always starts stroking her arm and that kind of thing. But then in a way, I felt like we was doing a sort of like delayed six year old cry out or I was like, I'm here, you're not alone. Yeah. I'm going to sit outside your room. I'm not going to lie on your bed. not alone. I'm gonna sit outside your room. I'm not gonna lie on your bed. I'm not gonna be in bed with you. I'm not gonna straight your arm. Just because it weren't working with me

being in the other room. And I was like, there's no need to be scared because I'm outside your room. And that sort of got rid of that argument of I'm scared because she's just got to get the confidence to be able to wake up on her own and go back to sleep. And it's heartbreaking because she's obviously upset and then she does get herself upset,

but almost need to show them a way where they can do it for themselves. Totally. Because you don't want to get that situation when you've got then a 13 year old who's still scared because then it never stops. You know what I mean? So it's quite hard work, but anyway, since then, actually weirdly, she's been a lot better.

So hopefully that works. Introducing TD Insurance for Business with customized coverage options for your business. Because at TD Insurance, we understand that your business is unique, so your business insurance should be too. Whether you're a shop owner, a pet groomer, a contractor, or a consultant, you can get customized coverage for your business. Contact a licensed TD Insurance advisor to learn more. We've got another sleep problem, Rob. Yep. Which is my son. So he's not on naps. Okay, he's three and a half. Three. So he's not been napping for maybe six months. We realized this from

nursery, they'd let him have a nap and we were like, if he naps, it's just game over in the evening. But now, just don't know how this works. If he falls asleep for five minutes in the day, he's up to 10 o'clock. It's mental. Like if he drops off, it's over. It's like that has done something to him. And it's not even like, you know, he sleeps an hour, even if it's just a couple of minutes. It's just like, if he goes, it gives him such a reset. Yeah.

But then in the evening, he's just mental come 8 p.m. I think that's just what happens. I know. And I don't think there's a way around it. I had to drive to pick my daughter up because he will go if he's in a scenario like, I was like, I'm going to go and pick her up from school. He's going to fall asleep in the car.

There's nothing I can do about this. I've just got to make my peace with the fact he's going to bed at 10 PM tonight. Yeah, it's a lot easier when you just accept it, isn't it? It is, isn't it? Life is a lot easier when you just accept things. Yeah, just accept that, that's what's happening. But I don't want it to happen. Well, it doesn't

matter what you want. It's happening. And you know it's happening. Don't stress yourself, keep looking, just singing at him, trying to give him away. Because there's no guarantee you keep him awake. You don't stay awake till 10 anyway. I looked back and he was asleep. And I was like, why am I bothering? Just let him, just let him sleep. Just let him chill down now, Josh. You are a completely changed man from a year ago. Well, you say that, Rob. I tried to bring down my antidepressants from, I'm on 10 milligrams, which is pretty low, to be honest. And I thought, I'm so good. I could go down to five. Yeah. What happened?

Fucking hell. I basically got the long-term look in my eyes that Rose hasn't seen in two years. And that's because you've been better, not because she's been away most of that time. I've sent her photos. I did the last ever show of Quickly Kevin, the football podcast we did. We did it at the Palladium,

and we had Kevin Keegan, and it was incredible. And I felt so depressed throughout the whole thing. And afterwards people were like, is it sad that it's ended? Is that, are you feeling, I was thinking, I don't know. I don't know why I feel sad. I don't feel anything. No, I don't. I just stared at a sold out Palladium, feeling nothing.

That's the problem. There is no emotion here. No. But anyway, I'm feeling much better now. Here's something that says a lot about my life. Yeah. I found a shortcut that takes three minutes off the car trip to school. Yeah. And I feel like it's transformed my life. How long needs to drive there normally? Depending on traffic between 16 and 20 minutes. Okay, that's pretty good. Yeah, it's not bad. But now it's between 13 and 17

minutes. Wow. It feels like I've got a whole day back. It's mad. You sure they've not put you on 15? You're too happy. They've doubled it. I can't believe how much I care about it. It's pathetic. That's good though. Little wins of it. Can I just say one more thing on cars? Did I tell you someone said I crashed into their car? No, I saw it on Instagram, but I didn't work out what's going on. My car insurance company got in touch.

Yeah. And they said- They don't even get in touch when they auto-renew do they? So it must be serious. Yeah. We've got a claim. Someone claimed you drove into their stationary car. And I was like, oh fuck. I don't remember that, but you do think, oh God. Like clip something and it's on a ring doorbell. And I said, okay, what are the details? And they said it was at 1.53am on a Sunday, Monday morning. Oh yeah, you're not out there, are you?

No. You're in bed hearing fans crashing to the ground. Yeah, exactly. I'm trying to get my son to sleep, so you have a nap. But it's very difficult to prove you're asleep. There must be a way to prove you weren't. Well, I suppose the burden of proof is on them, but they were like, have you got… They must have footage of the you weren't. Well, I suppose the burden of proof is on them, but they were like, have you got...

They must have footage of the car. I don't know, because surely, I don't know how... If my car was stationary at 1.53am... Are you watching it? Yeah, how would you know I've hit it? Maybe they couldn't make out the number plate properly and it was just a BMW. Maybe it was just another Spider green Lamborghini that I don't know. That's the thing that's inspired as a Ferrari.

I don't know anything about cars. If you bought a Lamborghini or something flashed like that, I'd laugh. You'd hate it. Would so not work. Try to park it. I'm trying to street park it and get to your house. Oh, I had a nightmare. I own the other day.

Yeah. I really annoyed Lou. Okay. I took both sets of car keys. Okay. Out with me. Lou I took both sets of car keys. Okay, out with me Lou need to leave the house. I was going to the chiropractor to get my back so it's I couldn't I knew she was ringing Me but I couldn't answer because I was in the middle of getting our next snaps I don't stop without the phone. Yeah, anyway, I get out so she's been ringing me for five to ten minutes

Where's the car keys? Have you got the car keys? Let me look. Oh, yes. Sorry. I've got the car keys She's like, oh and she was like livid and I was like, oh, have you not got the car?? Well, let me look. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I've got the car keys. She's like, and she was like, livid. And I was like, Oh, Have you not got the car? We've got two cars. I've driven one car and then because I was driving the other car the day before, I've got the old keys in my bag and then I grab the new keys for the other car. Right. So I've done that. Right. And then she's got and it's her car. I went, well, I'm out now. But there's I went and the spare key is and I told her where the spare key was, okay, in our house. And then she was like, well,

I don't know I'm supposed to bloody know where it's at. I'm like, well, it's your car, so you should be aware of where the spare key is. I didn't say that, but I'm not, everyone should know where the spare key is. And if it's your car, you should know where the spare key is. That's fine. Anyway, so I've told her,

I went and so really in the grand scheme of things, she's only 10 minutes late. Because I have got the keys, but there was a spare key at home. Anyway, so she grabs the key, goes off on a day and stuff like that I need to go take a dog for a walk. So she's out and about the spare key and I say Lou where's the dog walking bag? There's dog walking bag. That's got in it poo bags. He's got treats He's got the leads. Yeah, it's got everything you need so you can just grab that go dog walk. Oh, it's in the car

I went oh, she's taking it with you She went yeah, I went taking it with you. Oh, she went, Yeah. So we're one one. Oh, oh, I don't know why I did it. I'd felt reckless. That's one one. That's evens. Is it? That's one one. Right? Yeah. And then she went, Well, no, because you can go and walk the dog. There's enough stuff in the house that you can cobble together to go on a dog walk. So no. And I said, well, there was a key that you could cobble together to go on a dog walk. So no. And I said, well, there was a key that you could cobble together in the house and drive a car.

So I called that one one. And you know what she did? What? Hound up on me. Oh, wow. Amazing. Now, where do you stand on that? Because I think really in a court of law, there was what she needed in the house.

And there was what I needed in the house for the dog walk in the car. So what's your view? Well, a key is the full package as well. You don't have to cobble together a key. It's there. The key's already been cobbled. Yeah. And the argument is from her side, imagine she didn't know where the spare key was.

Yes. That's on her. Well, is it who's put the spare key there? Me. But have you told her you've put the spare key there? No. Does she know where the spare keys? No, it's her responsibility. Does she know the spare key exists? Well, if she doesn't, that's a bigger problem we've got to deal with. I could see the argument on both sides, but Lou wasn't Lou would not claim that as a one1. So it'd be interesting to know what everyone else thinks. But, so then we had a nightmare.

The internet went in our house, right? Completely. But where we live, if there's no internet, there's no 4G either, and there's no phone signal. So when we've got Wi-Fi, we can ring because the Wi-Fi comes in and connects it if there's no signal. And also our house, a lot of our houses run off. They're like, we can't get the telly on because it's on a thing where it's all done on a Wi-Fi app.

Yeah. We've got nothing, right? Absolutely nothing, Josh. And then Lou's like, oh, do you want to drive to the village to ring Sky? I was like, oh, what do you think? No, actually not. No, I don't want to drive to the fucking village. Like it's the war.

It's like a drive to the village to get signal to ring Sky. Yeah. Yeah. This guy came when he was going to come, did his job. But the problem was that he was coming around between eight and one. And then I had to hang around and wait for him to arrive. And then Lou had to do the school run, but then Lou went and she took my wallet by accident while I left it in a bag from the day before.

So I had no wallet on me. And then I was in the house. I was realized I can't ring a taxi. And then I was in the house. I was realized, I can't ring a taxi to get me to the station. Yes. Realized that before Lou went and told Lou and Lou can you book me a cab for quarter past nine from the house. And then luckily the guy turned up and he was cracking on. And then I'm just stood outside my house and I don't know if a cab's coming. Yes. Yes. Because I can't ring Lou and Lou can't ring me. I've got no signal.

Nothing. I just stood there just waiting. Do you know what you should have done? What's that? Moved to the city. For this one day, I was thinking this is mental. I need to get one of them like Elon Musk Skylink things where you get in the net all the time or something.

Anyway, so he came around and then apparently the problem was an animal were chewed through the cable. Really? So all the in there was gone, but I was bored because I thought it was in the house, but it wasn't in the house. It was- What kind of animal? I don't know.

I don't think Josh from Open Reach knows what teeth marks are in a cable. But like a mouse or like a horse or like a horse. It could be anything. Probably a squirrel or a fox or something. Yeah, it was a bit where it comes down the pole into the great. Anyway, that was awful. That was like no internet was horrific. The kids. That happens to my parents because they live in Devon.

Oh, my. So so yesterday the news broke that Plymouth might be employing Wayne Rooney as their new manager. And obviously, I got straight onto the WhatsApp group, my dad and my brother. Yeah. Which is usually... Oh, so your dad, by the way, Josh. Yeah.

I've never met your dad. Yeah. I saw him on that show with Nish. Yeah. What's going on with him? Ha! Ha! Biggest beard ever.

The beard, the ha- he looks like an old folk musician type. Well, he's an old hippie. Is he? Is he a hippie? We've discussed this at length. Yeah, but I didn't know he- you've got to tell it, people. That's what your dad looks like. Well, no.

He comes and goes, that big beard. It looked like you two were doing a story on someone that had been found and gone missing for 20 years. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I couldn't believe it. He's so, like, you've got, wow. That is a lot of beard and hair. It is a lot of beard and hair.

Good on him. If you've got it, flaunt it. That's what I say at that age. I can't even grow a beard. Do you not grow a beard? No. I'll give it a go. Let's try it out.

It's just so patchy. Oh, is it? Yeah. Oh, never mind. What was I saying? Plymouth. Oh, yeah, yeah. He just didn't reply. And you just go, Oh, they must not have the internet. Do you know what I mean? There must be a storm or something because you're just like, you just presume when people live in the country that sometimes they don't have the internet.

What I would say is that my broadband is better than yours when it's not been chewed through by an animal. Yeah. Michael, haven't I got a great connection speed at home? Well, I am awaiting an update. I've asked Michael a question actually, Josh. Haven't I, Michael? Oh, it's insane. Thank you. Madness. But no matter how powerful you are, sometimes you get nibbled by a squirrel, it will stop it.

Exactly. In a storm, it's all right, it's just if it's getting eaten by animals. Yes. They'll be on fast soon because they've promised to deliver super fast to everywhere in the country. I'm getting super fast. Don't worry. Okay, when you get super fast. It's on its way. Apparently. Yeah, I'm just waiting for the delivery date. Okay, fair enough. What they've done, I didn't know this was legal.

Okay, what's that? He was like, so you've got to get a new whatever, yeah, a new line or whatever. And he was showing me. And then he just graffitied on the pavement an arrow for the person to do it. Yeah. He wrote whatever, B-O, not B-O, maybe O-R for open reach, right? B-J for ever. Yeah, B-J for ever. Is your short answer open reach, right? BJ forever. Yeah, BJ forever. Is your shortness of open reach or reach around this guy?

No, but he was just like, so needs to drill a hole, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. I need to send someone else out. And he just graffiti on the pavement so that when they turned up, they could see it. I think that's allowed. Is that allowed? Can you just mark up the pavement? It's nice when they explain it, but my brain is just going, cut the shit, mate. Can I have internet today? Anyway, well, we're all sorted.

We're back online now, but driving to the village to ring sky felt like a low point. Oh my word. That is something else, isn't it? Oh, that's the other thing I want to talk about. Taylor Swift. Oh, yeah. Your daughter is Taylor Swift? Yeah.

Mine are too. I managed to get tickets to Wembley. So did I. For me and my daughter. Do you know what? The rose isn't going then? Yeah. Mine are too. I managed to get tickets to Wembley. So did I. For me and my daughter. Do you know what- The roses aren't going then? Yeah, roses going. Also three of you.

I was about to finish and then an anecdote hit me. Of course. When they come, you don't want to fucking lose one of them. When they come as thin and slow as mine do, you need to take advantage. A 56K modem. So we went to the park. We'd often go to the park on Fridays, the park next to the school, like all the parents or the kids

will just run it like so it's quite nice. So my daughter was there with her two mates, she's got like three basically close mates, they're all there. Two of her mates decided that they were best friends and my daughter was livid, right? Right, okay, because she wasn't in it. But it struck me that basically, I think this probably happens four or five times a lunchtime to have a different one. It's just I'm witnessing it. So I wasn't like, oh my God, I was just like... No, but it's still not nice. You'd be like, oh, this fucking pair of pricks they're hanging out with now. You'd immediately hate them. And then she was like,

Dad, when we go to Taylor Swift, can I take, and she named the two friends that weren't those two. Have you got spares to take? No, I was like, well, you can say what you want. If they've got 400 quid, send them over this way. Anyway, so there was this fallout for about 10 minutes. At one point she walked past her friend in the park,

her currently ex-friend, they were friends again within 10 minutes. And you know when a footballer walks past another footballer, they don't adjust their direction and just catches them with the shoulder? She did that to her mate. And I was like, what are you doing? And then she genuinely put her hands up like a footballer.

I don't know what you're talking about. I was just walking. I don't know what you're talking about. She went into me. Yeah, exactly. I was walking in that direction. She was in the way. I didn't do anything wrong.

And it was mad. It was like watching like Roy Keane or someone. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Just watching Roy Keane just leave. Kids he was mad. It was like watching like Roy Keane or someone do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, just watching. Just leave kids with their friendship. I think I don't girls I don't know. You'll know when your boy gets older. I think girls are a bit more almost a bit worse for that. And they that friendship group. I think so. Yeah. I think friendship is the main thing with Taylor Swift. Right. So are

you dressing up? What? Like, is your daughter dressing up? I don't know. Is Rose into Taylor Swift? Rose isn't into Taylor Swift. Blue loves Taylor Swift, but apparently everyone that goes dresses up from like a different era. It's called era's talk. There's different albums. Yeah. And then whatever the artwork of the album is, they dress up as. So you'd wear that red beret is a good example. Well, one of my daughters wants to wear all white with gold rhinestones. The other one's wearing something purple. So what are you going to wear as a dad at Taylor Swift? Are you dressing up?

No, I'm not, because this is the first I've heard of it. What, do you think I should go like that? Go like what? Just like in a kind of sparkly bikini kind of thing. I said to Lou, what if I wore a Kanye West top? Would that be allowed? She went, no, absolutely not. So it's quite easy. It doesn't have to be a big outfit, but I think it's like you wear something purple and pink if it wore a Kanye West top? Would that be allowed? She went, no, absolutely not. So it's quite easy.

It doesn't have to be like a big outfit, but I think it's like you wear something purple and pink if it's a certain album or white if it's- I'll just get the hat. There's a red hat on the front of it. Is that 22? You can't just send you in a red beret and normal clothes. It looks like a little French kid.

It's a red beret and it's like, it is quite a nice coat actually though, isn't it? I don't know what you look- The album's called Red. I think it's one of the earlier ones. I didn't like that. She's so famous Taylor Swift and so popular. My friend who went said wear earplugs because the screaming so loud. That's mental, isn't it? Because I've got the playlist. So on Spotify, great app. Yeah. There's a full playlist of the tour. So it's the Taylor Swift Eras Tour official setlist.

Did you take her to Girls Aloud or is this going to be her first show? It won't be her first show because Girls Aloud is next month. Wow, what an introduction she's having. I know. So I'm currently working my way through. It's three hours, Rob. Yeah, I said to Lou though, I'll go and then I can stand in the merch queue while they're watching if necessary. And also I'll be quite handy to take the girls to the toilet in the men's. Yeah.

It's a queues for the women's. I can't wait for the gig. I can't wait to see the girls' faces. No, I think it's going to be incredible. I think if I didn't have kids, I'd still have an incredible time. Yeah, but I would always, out of sport and comedy, music's always my third choice. Are you seated or standing? Seated. Absolutely.

I'm not standing up for three hours, mate. Fuck that. Back, back. Are they all going to stand up in front of me and I'm going to be like, oh for fuck's sake. Oh no, they're going to stand up in the stands, aren't they? And I've got to stand up behind them. And your kids are going to want to stand on the seats. And then you're going to be like, oh god, those seats are going to fold up and they're gonna stand up in the stands aren't they and I've got to stand up behind them And your kids are gonna want to stand on the seats and then you're gonna be like, oh god Those seats are gonna fold up and they're gonna break their ankles. Donate my ticket now. I wanna see the girls enjoying it

Wow, Luca take a video. Yeah, what are you doing? I can't believe I'm saying this on a podcast God, what are you doing about parking? Well, I'd get the tube if I was you. Are you fucking insane? Getting on that tube from Wembley Stadium after Taylor Swift? Getting there as well. If I was you, I'd get the tube there and then I'd arrange a car or a taxi to pick you up a 10 minute walk away from the stadium in another direction where they can get out. Yeah. We're booking a hotel. Oh, are you?

And then we're gonna try and park at the hotel? And then we can get ready in the room and then go and then it's just a quick walk back to the hotel. That's our plan. I think I'm gonna do what I did for blur, which is you can rent people's driveways. Really? Little tip for Swifties. Oh, no, don't do that. Because they're all gonna fucking book it up. Oh, yeah, maybe I should do that now. Little tip for Swifties or anyone else, don't do that, because they're all gonna fucking book it up. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I should do that now. Little tip for Swifties or anyone else going to Wembley Stadium.

Yeah, do not get the tube back. Do not get the tube back. You're queuing on what is basically just like a massive road that you can't get out of, turn around, for about an hour and a half until you get in the tube. And that will be with kids that have just experienced this huge rush of adrenaline. Yeah, and they're coming down awful.

So you can, people who live near Wembley Stadium, there's a website, you can go on and pay like 20 quid to park in their driveway for the evening. Yeah. I'd recommend it. Okay, can you send me the link to that? Yeah, I can't remember what it's called. Okay, good tip though.

Good tip though, isn't it? Small business? Small business. After the world's biggest business. Yeah, Taylor Swift. We move on to the world's smallest business. Hi guys, my girlfriend loves your show, I do too, but full disclosure, I only listen to it with her

as she's always listening. It would mean the world to her if she was to hear her new venture shared on your podcast. And I mean, Rachel, the business is called Buddha Babies. It offers baby massage and baby yoga courses, giving parents slash carers bonding time with their babies and one another in a peaceful, welcoming setting. As well as being a safe space to meet other people and share parenting tips and stories.

The classes are located at Shostok Village Hall, just outside of Coalshield on the edge of Birmingham. Now that is niche. That is niche. She managed to become qualified and start this business all whilst being on maternity leave and still being the best mum to our son Elias. Thanks in advance guys, Jack from Birmingham. So that is Buddha babies. If you want baby yoga or baby massage and you live near Shustoke Village Hall just outside of Coleshill, you know it's remote when they have to tell you outside of Coleshill on the edge of Birmingham. Perfect. There we go Shustoke Village Hall. Also, I'm sure if Taylor Swift

is playing Villa Park, you could park there for 20 quid. Is she doing the rest of the UK? She is, isn't she? Cause my brother's going Cardiff. Yeah, she's going Cardiff. Does she need to do this? It seems like such an effort to do Seven Nights at Wembley Stadium.

Yeah, like how much money does she need? Or did she not earn that much money because of all the rights? Scooter Braun. She didn't have the rights to her own songs or something? Yeah. Oh, I'd say Birmingham is a dead center between Birmingham, Tamworth and Coventry.

Oh, there we go. What a trifecta there. Hi, Rob Josh. I would love it if you gave my small business, Little Ocean, a shout out. After the least relaxing holiday in my life with my then 10 month old son and three year old daughter last year, I decided to create the ultimate parenting hack for

beach holidays. Our beach pools create a space where children can enjoy the ocean water from the safety of the sand. The pools are filled with a storage bag which doubles as a bucket. The water in our pools warms quickly and you can add a parasol to give your little ones a break from the sun. Oh that's a good idea. And you a break from chasing them around the beach. I launched in April and can be found on Instagram at littleocean underscore UK and our pools can be purchased at www.little-ocean.co.uk.

Thanks so much for the shout out and if you wanted a pool for your next holiday please get in touch. Thank you Michelle. Big up Michelle. Great idea Michelle. Josh I'll see you next time. Oh, I can't wait when those anecdotes come baby You catch them and trap them and release them into the wild for the good of humanity. We'll do all right. See you later. Bye. Bye Hello there, it's me Harry Hill with some exciting news. I've got a brand new podcast. It's called Are We There Yet? And is the world's first family-friendly podcast that's designed to get you from A to B. Join me, my son Gary.

Hello. Sarah the AI Bot. Hello, Harry. As we delve into the childhood memories of a motley crew of comedians, celebrities and cultural icons. Is it down now Daddy? Yes Gary it is. I'm Natalie Cassidy and I've been wanting to do a podcast of my own for a very long time and here it is. I'm going to be talking each week to family, friends, most importantly, you. I want to talk about the issues that are bothering me, things that make me smile,

and how we get through that washing basket without having a nervous breakdown. This is a podcast for the general public, for the normal people. So get on board, become part of my community, and let's have a laugh.