Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP47: The Favour Tank

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. Hello, I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener,

with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. This message comes from TD. Getting mortgage advice should be fast and easy, because when you want to buy a home, who has time to wait? TD Mortgage Direct makes it quick and easy to get the answers you need.

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Get on board. Via Rail. Love the way. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with... Oliver? Can you say Rob Beckett? No. Can you say Josh Widicombe? No. Can you ask Billy too? Can you say Josh Widicombe? No. Can you say Josh Whiddicombe? No. Can you ask Billy too? Can you say Josh Whiddicombe?

Yeah. Can you say Rebecca? Rebecca. Rebecca. Rebecca. Very good, you two. The first one sounded like an old sort of like East End man. Yeah, yeah.

Say Rebecca. Oh, no. Stop it. No. I'm just trying to have my sandwich. Stop it, you kids. Oh, no. Who was that, Josh?

Hello, Rob and Josh. This is my son, Oliver Eastend, who is a few weeks shy of four with my daughter, Lily, who turned two last weekend. When I was four or five, I used to pick my nose, and my dad told me that if you picked your nose, now you'd take your head caved in and you died. Now and again, when we passed a graveyard, he would point at a grave and say that man there died because he picked his nose and his head caved in. I believed it for years. Thank you for all

the laughs, Gemma in Kent. Gemma in Kent. There you go. Do you know this song, Olly Olly Olly, Balls in a Trolley, Tits in a Biscuit Tin? No, I'm not across the... At least to sing that. I think there's more lyrics there because Olly Olly Olly, Balls in a Trolley, Tits in a Biscuit Tin. No, I'm not across the... At least to sing that. I think there's more lyrics there because, Olly Olly Olly, Balls in a Trolley, Tits in a Biscuit Tin.

Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Is that last bit you didn't know the lyrics or is that how it went? That one, I don't know. Could have gone that way. All right. Maybe nobody ever knew the lyrics. Ba ba ba ba ba. How are you, Josh?

I'm a bit ill and you sound a bit ill. I'm a bit rushed off my feet, Rob. I haven't even had it. I mean, look at the size of my hair. This is how busy I am. I've been wearing a hat to cover bad hair. Have you? I just look so bad in hats. It's such a dad hat. It's got the name of the resort we went to and was in Florida.

Yeah, you can't be wearing that. Any more of a dad hat than that. Why have you brought that home? I quite like it. What you're just saying it's a dad hat. I'm a dad. I had this conversation the other day. I was doing the wheel, which is there's a lot to unpack doing the wheel. You sit on the wheel, the McIntyre's wheel, and they spin you around for half an hour

before anything gets filmed. And they film you and make you dance. And I'm like, I'm not fucked. I don't sing or dance. Fuck it. I'm here for a quiz, mate. You already spammed me around. Give me half a jump. So I just sort of move from side to side, clap and smile. I'm playing ball. I understand they need it for the show. Yeah. But I'm not

fucking giving you a Saturday night fever point up and down. Some people go mental for it. The worst when you're on it with a dancer. Oh, strictly. They're like, I just meant a pop dance. But that must be even worse because I was next to Frankie Bridge a couple of years ago. And she's fucking smashing it out of the park. And then it's me. Ashley Roberts, pussycat dog. Then I'll thought we'd be turns up. Yeah.

It's a market trader. The somehow sat on a wheel doing a quiz. Well, on that, I was next to Tom Skinner. Yeah. That must have been the series I couldn't do. Someone dropped out and it was last minute. And he got the call when he was in his warehouse. to Tom Skinner. Yeah. That must have been the series I couldn't do. Someone dropped out and it was last minute and he got the call when he was in his warehouse. So he came from his warehouse.

He came from his warehouse. I'm not speaking out of turn here. He said this on the show. So I was on that and someone said you dance like a dad. I was like, well, I'm a dad. What do you want? Yeah. It'd be weirder if I wasn't, wouldn't it?

Yeah. You can't book Rob Beckett and criticize his dancing. Oh, can you put a bit more into it? No, not really. I think I you put a bit more into it. No, not really. I think I'm putting quite a lot into it, actually. Yeah. Once we stop spinning, I'll give you some Red Hot Banter and then it's a deal. All right? I don't see Giovanni throwing out a joke every 30 minutes.

Don't get me wrong, Anton du Bec's putting a shift in, but he's an exception to the rule. He's moved over. He's now behind a desk. Exactly. He's got to be funny. He's now behind a desk. He's got to be funny. He's always had to change. He just needed to wait for the right opportunity. Anyway, so my hair's all over the place. So why are you so busy? What's going on? Well, Rose is away. This always makes me feel better talking to you. Today is a bit of a shit storm. Oh no, what's happened? What's your call more?

Yeah, she's back tonight at 10pm. Can I ask something? I don't want it to cause eruptions. This is our penultimate visit. So this is the last sort of reno visit basically? This is the penultimate one and then the last one. Is it like an extended feature length one because it's the last? You know like they do that in a series? It is actually, yeah, it's a four dayer.

Will Rose be back more now then? Well, yeah, you know. It'd be weird if she wasn't, wouldn't it? It would be weird if she wasn't. I'm just gonna head back down there just to double check that paint has dried. Anyway, today, I don't know what to do, Rob. This is a 9am, so basically I was like, I had to set my alarm for 7am. Right, yeah, and you actually pushed back the start time as well, which is no, you're busy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I did that in advance, which I thought was quite a step in the right direction. I mean, I was at half six, but don't worry about it. Yeah, so we're all busy. No, of course. So I got up at seven, we had to be out the house by eight. Yeah. That's tight.

Up at seven, out by eight. Yeah. Two kids, two separate packings for two separate schools. Yeah, he doesn't have to really take anything. That's what you think. Before you know it, you get there and it's like, bring your own stick day. Oh, exactly.

I forgot my daughter's water bottle yesterday, but come on, you've got water. Yeah, and they bring up, do you mind popping in a water bottle? Do you mind getting a fucking cup? Do you mind? Because I'm halfway up to fucking central London Do you want to get a fucking cup? Do you mind? Cause I'm halfway up to fucking central London now. And do you know what?

Just let me thirsty. I'm already feeling guilt about the school this week. Cause I was going to be hosting the quiz on Thursday. Do you know what? Fuck them and their quizzes. No, it's not. They've had their pound of flesh out of you, Josh. You should not feel guilty.

I enjoy it, Rob. How many have you done? Three or four. I love it. Yes. So you've not let them down. You just can't do it this time. Well, no, no, you, Josh. You should not feel guilty. I enjoy it, Rob. How many have you done? Three or four. I love it. Yeah, so you've not let them down. You just can't do it this time. Well, no, no, no, Rob. I have let them down because I'd agreed to do it

and now I can't do it and it's this Thursday and I just fucked up my diary. Okay, you have slightly let them down. Yeah, I've slightly let them down, yeah, yeah. Who you got into a place? One of the dads. I'm gonna throw my hat into the sea, not into the river. Just so you know.

So I'm hosting the spa awards in Telford. So you know, it's pretty a spa to shop. Yeah, not best jacuzzi. Not best jacuzzi. I mean, unless it's a really high end spa. Absolutely. Yeah. So it's a spa awards in Telford, which is like you've made up a corporate let's be honest. You know what spas are a decent Absolutely. Yeah. So it's the Spa Awards in Telford, which is like you've made up a corporate, let's be honest. Do you know what? Spas are a decent level, I think, actually. No, no, but it's the added Telford. It just seems such an unlikely. I'd say Spa is sort of like the top level of the ones below like, Usainte-Ritesco. Have your small local convenience shop is

Spa the best one? I think Spa and Budgins are probably the biggest rival. Oh, Budgins are good, aren't they? I think Londis have dropped off haven't they? Unless I'm... We've got a Londis in the village. Sure, if you're listening Londis and you want me to host your awards in Redditch, I'm your man. Don't rule me out. I'm willing to be converted. Also, my friend texted me, Tom Perry's brother actually, we've had Tom on this haven't we? And he said, oh my friend said you're hosting the Spar Awards in Telford tomorrow. He said it could be quite a tough gig. So that's one to look forward to.

I'll be honest with you, when you hear the Spar Awards in Telford, at no point in my finger, is it an easy one? It's already a freakness from your ass. Well, the thing is, I'm in Bristol tonight, so it makes sense. We're doing in Bristol tonight. I'm doing Bristol Comedy Garden so it makes sense. What are you doing in Bristol tonight? I'm doing Bristol Comedy Garden. Ah, right. Okay, so you're busy this week as well.

When's Rose back later on? So I had the wheel on Monday. Oh, you're busy, boy. Yeah, well, we've been on holiday, so I'm catching up, aren't I? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's the thing, isn't it? You know, self-employed. No, I said I'm catching up.

All of those things just occurred this week. None of them have been put back from holiday. It's not like the Spar Awards have gone. We'll know that back a week then, shall we? No, but you could have done the wheel last week potentially. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And stuff like that. You find that though, when you are self-employed, there's no handover. You don't find another Josh Willicombe to take over for a week. No, exactly. So I did the wheel on Monday. Rose's mom looked after the kids, which was good,

but I hadn't really cleared tonight with Rose's mum. What, for the kids or just you and her? Yeah. Why? Whether she wanted to come to Bristol with me. I've got a hotel. Fancy coming to Bristol? I tell you what, a little bit of Burger King chips

on the way. A Muck in Law with cheese, please. It's not a Muck, is it? What's the Burger King? Or just a Whopper? Yeah. Wasn't it like a long chicken or something? The chicken one. What? It's way for these burger places. Can I say, all right, let's just copy them at Chicken Sandwich, what are we calling it? Yeah, yeah,

of course. I'll just make it longer. Let's do it in the long shape rather than around. Well, what was the one? Oh, no, no, I was about to say I saw the other day. I was about to say I saw a product the other day that was clearly just a total rip off of another product. Yeah. And it's because Michael had sent it to us to say whether we were okay to advertise it. And I said, yes, let's not. Try this new drink. Cule. Have we ever got a call from Cule? Yes, we've done Cule. Oh, okay. Just got four bags of it in me cup and I've never drunk. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Okay, so you've got to go to Bristol tonight and then you're going straight from Bristol to Telford. Yeah. So you staying over in Bristol? Yeah, I'll just kill the day in Bristol.

And Rose back tomorrow? She's back tonight but at 10pm. Oh okay, that's worked out well then. Yeah, well it hasn't because I've got to do a blood test at 2pm in town. Right, okay. You all right? Yeah, I'm fine. Well, we'll see, won't we? Oh, dear. The problem is, if it is come back, finally, forget to give him an update. People will be like, well, he's gone caught in that blood test, isn't he? Yeah. No, it's just like an MOT style blood test. It's not even like something's

wrong. Right. Okay. But even when I have an MOT style blood test, it's not even like something's wrong right okay but even when i have an mot stale blood test yeah it's still perilous i know it's awful but you're like what if i've got something awful yeah i think everyone thinks that but i think as well just having blood extracted from you with a metal needle do you know i'm quite i don't really mind needles no i'm all right with needles i sort of get off on the fact of i go yeah i watch it going you stare the doctor in the eyes and go fucking do what you can i think sometimes they get off on people being of, I go, yeah, what'd you go in? Did you stare the doctor in the eyes and go, fucking do what you can? I think sometimes they get off on people being a bit nervous. You're all right with Edo?

So yeah, if anything too good, give it to me, I'll do it. Let me find it. You got a belt I can put around my arm. This lighting's better than normal. Where's the lighter? Get that spoon out. So you've got blood tests this afternoon. Yeah, and now I've realised, I don't know whether I should do this. Because I was just like, well I'm in town for the blood test, I finished at 3, I should just go to Bristol.

And then Rose's mum, but it's difficult for Rose's mum to pick the kids up from school. She can do it, but it's difficult. A lot of me thinks, do I come back from the blood test, get them back from school, and then Rose's mum will turn up at about five? We've got to get to Bristol. That's too tight, isn't it? What time are you on stage?

I don't know, about... I haven't even checked. That's the most crucial bit of information. That's too tight, isn't it? All right, what time you got to be there, don't know. I'll text Will. Will, what time are on stage? You must have an email.

It hasn't come through yet. Well, it's tonight. Should I call him? Ask him if he thinks it's too tight. I would predict to go, nah, probably be all right. He's quite laid back. He's unavailable. Who the fuck does he think he is?

He's been unavailable. What the fuck's he doing? What does unavailable mean? This is the Vodafone voicemail service for Are you fucking kidding me? 47971 Oh no, you can't put that out, can you? Well, sorry, I don't know what to do, Rob.

Yeah, so is there anyone else that could pick the kids up? Yeah, there is, but she hasn't replied to me yet. Rose's mom could pick the, oh, he's phoning me. You're right, mate. It's scary when you ring on the day of a gig. Yeah, no, sorry. I'm just talking to Becca on the podcast. We're just discussing what time I need to turn up tonight. What time you need to be here 7.30.

You're fucked. Yeah, I'm fucked. Well, I'll see you later. 7.30. What time am I on though? You still didn't get the actual information. Oh well, alright. You're cutting Bristol fine with a blood test. Once you've had a biscuit and a sit down, mate, you need to be... Get out, world. You've got high blood pressure. I wonder why. Oh, eco-friendly towels? And they're quick dry.

Yeah, you know, HomeSense always has a lot of great towels. Let me see that. Quick dry. Will it dry quickly enough that I won't notice when you use my towel? Okay, that happened once. Maybe more than once. Anyways, these are only $13. $13?

Okay. Let's get you this navy one and for me, the soft beige one. Deals so good, everyone approves. Only at Homeomesense. A Quiet Place day one June 28th get tickets now. Oh, I've got to tell you about what happened to me this week, Rob. I've had my number plate cloned. Right.

So do you remember when my car hit someone at 1am? Oh, yeah, you got contacted saying your car hit another car at 1am, but you was in bed. So I got a letter saying you've gone into a bus lane. And I was like, yeah, all right. That 100% will have been me. Yeah. And then I looked and it was at 1am again, embarking. Also, how busy is he at 1am embarking to use the bus lane?

If you're going to clone a number plate, at least drive sensibly. So Rob, I genuinely, this is so lame. I was like, what's going on here? And I said to Rose, I know this sounds absurd, but I think someone's stealing our car at night and then returning it. That's what you thought was happening.

That's what I thought was happening. Quick bus lane, drop it back. Just tried to park and cut through the bus lane, drop it back. I just tried to park and cut through the bus lane, drop it back. What did Rose say to that? She was like, well, she couldn't, she didn't like it. I've also then got a parking ticket three days later for road I didn't park in. What time was this? Middle of the day.

So they're nicking it in the day as well? I know. What a weird crime spree. These guys, how do they get it back in time? How do they know when you need it? They listen to this. Now his mother-in-law's coming round so he won't be in the car, he's in Bristol. I feel like I've got a kind of time share on my car. What happens now then? Like obviously. Sorry I had to phone up, get a crime reference number. Oh I had to be an alert. Yeah, I had to phone the police, not

999. No it's a 101 all day long. It's a 101 all day long yeah. Get a crime reference number. Oh, I had to be an alert. Yeah. Phone the police, not 999. No, it's a 101 all day long. It's a 101 all day long. Yeah. Get a crime reference number. Absolute waste of space that is. Well, no, because that means I can cancel my parking ticket. It's when I and my scooter got nicked. They went, oh yeah, they keep nicking them. All right. Okay. And that's the other conversation, is it? That's the case closed. They keep nicking. Oh, well, you pop out then crack on with your day. I wish they'd said that Rob.

Well, we're getting away with your day of not solving crimes. Because they're trying to solve this crime and it's backfired on me. What's that? So they are trying to catch them. Yeah. Because they've got the number plate and they were like, so what we're going to do is put the number plate in and then it flags up on a traffic camera, we'll pull them over. But if you're driving it. Exactly mate.

So now I'm basically on the run for myself. And if they pull over they're like you have to go it's me the original. No but that's what the person would say. And they were like has your car got any distinctive features? Like a sticker in the back window. So have you driven the car? Have you been pulled over? What's happened so far?

Haven't been pulled over yet, but I feel like I'm on the run. Yeah, that is quite stressful, isn't it? Every time you see a police you think... I told them I've got two children's car seats in the back. Yes. And that it's a mess. That's every car, isn't it? That's every family car.

I know. When I was thinking they're stealing it at night, I was thinking, are they eating a lot of mini cheddars because I do feel like there's more than there should be. If I knit a car in there's mini cheddars I'll definitely eat them. I'll eat them for a penny and for a pounder. Oh, that's exciting news that you're on the run from yourself. Yeah, I'm on the run. So if you see me, don't pull me over.

How's parenting with you Rob? Parenting is pretty good. This is quite funny though, my eldest has been started doing cooking at school. Oh yeah. So she brings home this food. Oh no, do you have to eat it? To be fair she made some coleslaw, it was really nice. Oh yeah. You could have given me a day to guess what food she'd made and I wouldn't have gone with coleslaw. Well coleslaw's quite a good one actually because you can't really get it wrong. Is it just cutting up and then putting what is it cabbage onion mayo? It was more like cabbage, carrot, some beetroot and some apple with like natural yogurt I think rather than mayo, it's like a healthy and it was quite nice but like whatever I'm eating she comes

up and goes would you like some coleslaw? I'm like I'm having an egg on toast. Yeah, please. And like, I'm allergic to some fruits, it makes my mouth go all furry. And oral allergy syndrome is called. Oh yeah. So I had some with some carrot. And normally it's all right if it's in stuff, but this one weren't, it was just making my mouth go mental. My tongue was swelling up.

She's like, do you want some more? And I was like, yeah. And I was like, no, Rob, you're allergic to this. You're a good man. Exactly. I remember what my dad said when he tastes one of our volvons. I think I've told just before, haven't I? I made volvons at school. So apparently I went to school in 1937. And I remember making them and they weren't my best effort. And he

ate it. But I went, that is the most disgusting thing I've ever fucking eaten. Oh my god, which was sort of quite funny because it was bad. But then actually, I don't think it was funny because I was about 11. What was sort of quite funny because it was bad but then actually I don't think it was funny because I was about 11. What was in your volivons? Human shit. So no, I don't remember, it was like sort of mushroom and cheese or something. How bad can it be? That's what I thought. You just swallow it and go oh thank you and then just like run out and spit it out. You don't tell the child. Yeah but also you don't even need to spit it out. Anyone can get a volivon down however bad it is.

I know some of the shit he used to boil up his liver. Oh my God, it was awful. I'm doing stand up bad at the moment, actually about like food my dad ate. Can't do liver, liver, the smell of liver makes my stomach turn. Especially like cheap shit liver where it's all like fried up.

And it's like the kitchen's like a smog filled liver smoke. Oh my God. What else have we done this week? It's so funny though, I saw a dad walk along with his like two year old on his shoulders. Yeah. And it looked really sweet. And then I was out of my door and she's eight now she's done her nails and done some makeup. Not like I've got a proper makeup like them like kids makeup sets. Yeah. She's done a

little bit of makeup. You can tell that blusher and stuff like that. And she didn't go too mad about it. She's actually quite grown up. Yeah. And she had a little nice pair of like jelly shoes on an address and she looked really old. And I was I remember you still have you and then I was like, I can still do that if you want. Oh my god, I'm clinging on to it. I put her on my shoulders fucking nearly killed me. And we're about nine foot tall. I'm only five. She's banging around on posts. I'm like high and long. It's windy.

I was like getting fucking blown about. My ankle still recovering. I've still got a bit of a sprained ankle. And then he went over and I thought, if I trip over it, she's dead. She's falling from 10 foot. There must be people who've, right in, if it's a happy ending, there must be people who've fallen over with their kids on their shoulders. Yes. And I was slightly in denial about it. And I was like, no, we can still do that.

And I was like, yeah. Does she feel like she's leaving that period of being small? Do you know what, it's her age now, she picks up on how we're feeling. When they're younger, they don't give a shit or oblivious. But it's a bit like, can I have this? Can I do that? I'm like juggling eight things. She's like, oh, okay. Don't worry. And I don't want her to feel bad. I think it's good though, because she's got to learn when people are like overwhelmed with stuff that she goes, okay, I can do that myself. Or loves having a bath. She just runs and goes, do you mind if I have a little bath? She does a little bath,

but she's starting to get a little bit sassy, but not in a rude way, but like, I took a McDonald's on Sunday. She wanted to go to McDonald's. I took a McDonald's, sat in there, and someone come over and said, oh, excuse me, can we have a photo? I know you're eating, so when you're finished.

She thought it was really polite. But then they just stood there for 20 minutes. Well, it did happen. They sat down for five minutes, and then they'd finished eating and we're leaving. Can we have that photo now? I was like, I'm still eating. They're like, oh yeah, but we finished.

I was like, oh, okay, fair enough then. And they were like, you do know you're not allowed to bring your own coleslaw in here. They were polite up until it actually affected them. So like, yeah, I'll be polite. I'll let you finish. We finished. I'll let you go now. I was like, all right, yeah, okay.

I forgot we were waiting till you finished. Because they said that. I was waiting you finish it. We finished up and we want to go now. I was like, all right. Yeah, okay. No, I forgot the way until you finished. Because they said that. I will wait until you finish. And then they come and ask for pictures. She sat there eating and she done a massive sigh and rolled her eyes. But like to the point it's like an adult doing it. You know what I mean? What are they like pulling on your arm going, daddy? She was like, oh, and rolled her eyes. And I was like, oh, that's actually made it quite awkward. Because they become their own human that is interacting with the world. They're not just like a child on your hip kind of thing. So yeah, that was quite funny. She rolled her eyes. It was like really made me laugh.

So that when my daughter's she's a bit younger off. She's six. She just said to me yesterday, my bedroom is a catastrophe at the moment. She just said to me yesterday, my bedroom is a catastrophe at the moment. Where does that come from? My girls say nightmare. Do they? Oh, the traffic was an absolute nightmare. That's obviously for me.

So this is a psychological issue I've got, Rob. Okay. I hate to use the word trigger because it's so fucking Gen Z. Yeah. But I've realized in the last week, and I've got on top of this much more in the last few years. Yeah. But I'm like, gotta be doing stuff, gotta get stuff done, all that kind of stuff. And it arguably had a detrimental effect to how things ended up. And also not just to your work. You're like, well, if I I've got a day off I'm gonna go and do that then and do that and just packing your diary too full. So I have clearly struggled with then people i.e. my children, well not my son because it doesn't really come up, or Rose when

they're not operating on the same attitude. So my daughter not reading her reading book, it really gets me like tense. Does that make sense? What do you mean? She has a book she has to read every week from school. No, it's very lax. It's like read it and then you can bring it. You go at your own pace. So you could never read it if you want. Right, okay. And you get frustrated she's not read it. Yeah, but in my own head, not with her. Yeah.

Because that's the whole thing with me is like I'm like do it get it done Do it get it done, right? And I've tried to clam down on that But now I'm finding it's coming into parenting and I've got to deal with the fact that you can't make people do stuff No, what does it matter? She doesn't read the book, but it doesn't Rob. It doesn't matter even it does to you. It does Yeah, there's no judgment on this, so why does it? I don't know because I like to get things done and do it well and... But it's not you, it's not your book. I know Rob, I know.

It's not your homework. I know all this. I think it's just letting go. You have to help get your children in a position to sort of make their own decisions to a point. I know, I know Rob, but I can't. But also, I always think back to when I was a kid, if your parents kept on telling you how to read that book, you'd want to not read it. I know, Rob, and I know. But have you let it out or is it all inside? Have you said to you,

you need to read that book? No, I'll bring it up and then I'll feel it. I'll bring it up, no, but I'll bring it up so you have. No, but only in the way where you're like, you've got to put your plate away. How would you bring up? You need to read a book. Yeah. So you are telling them to read a book. In the same way you'd say to your kid, you need to do your homework. Yeah, but not if it's a book that they can read if they want or not read.

No, but you have to fill in the form. It's not like a strict deadline, but it is a thing they're meant to do. So it's not like you have to have this in by next Monday, but it's like they're meant to be reading them and returning them and bringing in the next one and all that kind of stuff. But it's more like do it at your own pace. It's not like- So do it at my own pace to me screams you don't have to do it. That's what I take from that. Yeah, I know. And also she can basically read anyway. She now reads in bed. So it's like, why am I bothering? Well, I think you like to been told you've done a good job. Well done, Pat on

the back. That's good, Josh. We asked you to do this. You've done it on time. Here's your deadline. Here's your tick. Nine out of 10. Well done, Josh. Look, everyone. Look what Josh has done. Josh has done all his homework and he's done it on time and he's read extra chapters of the book, actually. So hasn't Josh done well, everyone? I don't want anyone to make a scene, but thank you. Yeah, but you quite like a little scene that's been prompted by other people. All right, I've asked for extra paper. I'm the first in the exam room to ask for extra paper. Fine.

So now the teacher goes, so-and-so Whiddicombe there, she's not read a book, is she? That's Josh Whiddicombe's daughter has not done her homework like all the other children. No, well, they're not doing it either. But maybe you're just you're putting too much of yourself in your daughter's not done her homework like all the other children. No, well, they're not doing it either. But maybe you're just you're putting too much of yourself in your daughters. Yeah, I am. Yeah, it's not just my daughter. It'll be Rose. I've just realized this week that that is the thing that I'm still incredibly like tenses me up. It's because you want Rose and the kids to do well, be happy and everything to go well. And you think that if you are in control of things,

like you with your life, if you can be on top of it, it will. Look how happy it's made me. Well, the way I look at it is obviously the girls and Lou are my absolute priority and I want everything to be go well for them. However, all four of us as much as I love them, and I'll do whatever I can to help them support them and provide for them, each one of us is on our own life journey. And especially with the kids, if they go into school and they're worried about something, I can help them as much at home. But at the end of the day, it's them that have got to deal with it in the classroom. So you have to just wash your hands of it. Because if you do step in and do it for them, then they're never gonna learn themselves.

She's very conscientious at school. She just wants to play with her brother at home and that's fine. Yeah, exactly. Did I tell you, I don't know if I've told you this, about her exposing who she was in front of her teacher. No, go on. So when she's in school, she's like dream student.

She's like really teachers pet, blah, blah, blah. Parents even go to be too brave. She's never thrown a temper. She's like, really teachers pet, blah, blah, blah. Parents even go, she's beautiful, she's never thrown a temper, she's never argued. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, okay, well, you know, what's happened to my child? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. Right. I'm glad that other people have this, right? Yeah. And then we were at the bake sale and it was kind of drawing to an end. It was in the school

playground. A lot of the parents were going to the park afterwards. We'd agreed this. I was just talking to her teacher. My daughter comes up and she didn't see that I was talking to her teacher. Right. And she went, daddy, park now. But in a bit of a fun way. Not in like a horrific way, but in a way that her teacher looked at her like, who is this child? Amazing. And then she clocked her teacher. And it was like she'd just been like caught. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And then she just totally kind of changed character.

And it was like. Oh, that's amazing. So fascinating. Because obviously all kids are doing that. Yeah, yeah, of course. It was just like, oh. That's what you like. That's what you like. Yeah, they do have a totally different way of school. So my oldest, they're doing cricket

and they're playing cricket against another school or something. I got an email going, she's in the cricket team. There's only like 15 players or something in it out of like, I think there's like 40 or 50 kids. The school's got two classes in each year. Yeah. Oh, that's pretty good. She's in the cricket team. Like, you know, that's done well there, because there's a number of them have been up there. And she's really getting into a football as well. So she's Yeah. Oh, that's pretty good. She's in the cricket team. Like, you know, that's done well there because there's a number of people up there. And she's really getting into a football as well. So she's good because she didn't do any clubs when she first started, but now she's doing all of them.

Enjoying it. I went, you're in the cricket team. Well done. She went what? And I went, you're in the cricket team. She went, am I? Well, yeah, that's what I've been told. There's a game that mum's gonna come and watch it on Monday. I can't work it He got cancer anyway, because of the rain and um, yeah, what's cricket? You should know I've never done it you must have Sure, there's a cricket club, but I do that. I was like, no, no, you don't do cricket club But I mean you must do cricket in PE. I think I have oh you must have like that But I mean, you must do cricket in P.E. I think I have. Oh, you must have like that.

What's that one? I went, well, there's like three little sticks and a bat. And then someone throws the ball and then they hit it. She went, oh, yeah, I've done that. What you doing that then? She went, I throw it, I think. Now, either she's being very humble or this might possibly be one of the worst cricket teams ever assembled. So I didn't even know she was in it or what it was. Were they playing another school?

Yeah, but it's more like getting them out. I don't really know what was in it or what it was. Were they playing another school? Yeah, but it's more like getting them out. I don't really know what they do. Lou was going to watch. This is something I'm getting quite stressed about. I think a lot of people appreciate this. They're doing a lot of stuff now. They're older and there's two of them. So they're in different things,

when choir or sports or there's sports day coming up. And then there's parents evening, there's like curriculum, all these things. Obviously I'm working. Lou's got a few exciting things coming up, but I'm more full time working. And I can't get to them all. And we try to make sure that there's like curriculum, all these things. Obviously I'm working, Lou's got a few things coming up, but I'm more full time working and I can't get to them all. And we try and make sure that there's someone there either me or Lou and

obviously it's falling on Lou more now, but it's like, I want to be there for everyone, but I just can't be. You can beat yourself up really badly about that. And I've got a fairly flexible job where I work evenings most of the time. And I can say to you guys, can we do it on another day? Because I've got this X, Y, and Z. So I've got quite a lot of flexibility, obviously zero fucking sick pay, which you know, I'm not going to moat, but you know, there's pros and cons, but I'm lucky that I can flex, but I still, you cannot move certain things.

Or like you say, if you're in Telford doing the Sparrow wall, did it sports day? So it's like, I just feel so bad that I'm away. Cause I'm away quite a lot in June as well. Like that can't make it. Do you know what I mean? So you're not there for sports day? Did you say? I might miss sports day this year because I'm filming Romesh and we're away.

Well, we've got it on Friday, sports day. The weather's so shit. There's a reserve one. But the only thing that's given me any hope about this shit weather is I can watch Glastonbury and the Telly and see everyone having a terrible time. It's going to be so wet and shit this year.

It'll be good though, because you'll be inside watching football for the next month. I'm filming Robin Romish at the moment, so I'm away a lot. Oh no. In June I'm gonna miss a lot of the Euros. I'm away for every England game, so I'll be watching in hotels or whatever. But are you going to Glastonbury? No. Why not? You'll love it. Because... He's seen the light. No, I haven't seen the light.

Just took one weekend with Bobby B and he's seen the light. Come on. No, I tell you what it is. It's seen the light. Come on. No, I tell you what it is. It's a fallow year next year. I know it's fallow year this year for legends. For Red Hot Banter in the circus tent. Yeah, I wasn't that sold on the three headliners. Fair enough.

And I need to have something to get me through if I'm not drinking. Yeah, because I think now because you're not drinking the music is key for you. Is key and you know, I'd have enjoyed Dua Lipa but you're not drinking, the music is key for you. Is key. And, you know, I'd have enjoyed Dua Lipa, but you're not spending the day going. If I die without seeing Dua Lipa, it won't be the end of the world, although I would like to. Do you know what? She's quality. She is brilliant. I love Dua Lipa.

I went and saw her, I've not known any songs. I really enjoyed it, actually. I was completely alone on the other side of the world. I might go actually in autumn anyway to the O2. Put no Glass Dough Fugues Rose going? No, she hasn might go actually in autumn anyway to the 02. But no Glaston Fugit is Rose going? No, she hasn't got that in the in the favor tank. Right, because yeah, she's had quite a few. No, she doesn't want to go. She doesn't want to go.

I think it's fair, a fair point to bring up the favor tank, because I'd say, and I'm not team Rose or Josh, I'm just team Whiddicam Hanson, you know, you know me. Cut me in half, I bleed Whitty Hans. And I'd say though, though obviously Cornwall's work she's down there that's her work exactly so she has also been to Ibiza I know so you are next in line for the favor tank for the problem with the favor tank Rob I love the fact it's called the favor tank is I don't want to go anywhere

should be called who's turn next and fuck off tank that's what we call. I don't really know what I want to do with my favor tank. So you are due a favor from the favor tank. Would Rose agree or would it be a little bit of a combative? I'm not a hundred percent excited about her listening to this episode. Right, no, but you got away. But you got away a lot working. You're in Telford, you're in Bristol.

Rose goes away a lot working. She's renovating this place to be as a holiday let. That's her job. It's a business. However, there's a little Ibiza favor in the middle. There is a little Ibiza. That means Jay Dubs, aka this guy, aka one of the last leggers, aka Joshua, yeah, you're a favorite from the favor tank. So what am I gonna

do? What do you like? You like music like foot we go and go away for a couple of days with some guys? Fishing? Fishing? I don't know, I thought something you might like. Do you know what? I've always liked the idea of the fishing but not taking the fish out of the water. Yeah, also I just don't want the equipment. Yeah. I don't have to like get a rod out of the garage.

Oh, fuck that. I've put a dart ball in the garage. You can come around here for two nights and just play go-darts. Planning for a summer road trip? Check. Luggage? Check. Music? Check. Luggage? Check. Music? Check. Snacks? Drinks.

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And you're thinking, paying off the bill for this fancy pants meal, probably. So when you need to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you, reach for Kraft Dinner. Because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love, that's when it's gotta be KD. When you gotta do you, it's gotta be KD. Shop now. Have you watched the J Lloyd Samuel documentary, Rob? It's absolutely unbelievable. Yeah, I told you to watch it. Oh yeah, it's the bit that blows my mind the most. He had a bowling alley in his house.

So J Lloyd Samuel, it's a documentary about J Lloyd Samuel, he sadly died in a car crash about sort of 10 years ago. Oh my god, awful. Ex Premier League footballer, but the documentary is since the car crash it transpired that he was living a double life and he was married to two women and it's an amazing documentary about that. I think it was on ICV a few years ago. Also there's another good one called the football fraudster. Oh I saw that, that think it was on ITV a few years ago. Also, there's another good one called the Football Fraudster. Oh, I saw that. That was what was suggested to me on Netflix. Is it worth it? My mate met him at a car wash a few years ago and he's got photos of him. Anyway, the Football Fraudster and the J. Lloyd Sandman documentary are brilliant. Anyway,

yeah, he does have a bowling alley in his house, which is... How much use are you getting out of that? I've always thought this. I do feel like certain people, if they're coming to money, will buy a house that they think they should have expected to have as opposed to one that suits their needs and young footballers are bad for that. I just don't think if I had a bowling alley, I'd use it once a month. Also, what it would be is people come around and go, I will go bowling and you go fuck, I've got to go around the back and set it up. You've got a day off before you, you spend all this money on this house you don't need.

You're crouching through a little passage. Yeah. It's the same with the people that have their own, like, cinemas in their house, where it's just basically a massive telly in the wall, four seats facing the telly. And then you're like, imagine the scart leads or the, not scart leads, but HDMI leads and the plugs all around the back of that fucking mess.

But yeah, keep your life humble and simple. Don't want too much. And you don't need a bowling alley. You don't need a bowling alley. Absolutely not. You do not. It's sports day on Friday, Rob. Yeah, go on.

Mums and dads race coming up. Oh yeah. We were at the reception last year. Yeah. It was just reception nursery, but now it's ours is years one to six. So it's basically- A lot of parents running.

There's a lot of parents running. Are you gonna run? Is Rose going to run? Rose will definitely run because she almost won last year. But there's a woman from two years above. Her child's from two years above or is two years older than Rose? I don't know, actually. I don't know. Probably both. I haven't asked how exactly old she is,

but her child's from two years above and she's basically the kind of Usain Bolt of the situation. Right. She's Muhammad Ali and Rose is, you know, coming in and she's Joe Fraser. Right, okay, so top level, but maybe not quite elite elite. Well, we'll see, we'll see. It's gonna be huge.

Do you think I should do the dad's race? Yeah, absolutely, just for content, if nothing else. Get Rose to film it. What? No. Yeah, come on. No. Yeah, come on. Yeah, okay, yeah, content, if nothing else. Get Rose to film it. What? No. Yeah, come on. No. Yeah, come on. Yeah, okay, yeah, fine, I will.

Let us know what Josh should do when he dips into the favor tank. Why don't you go abroad and watch Euro's game or something? That sounds like having sex, Rob, dips into the favor tank. What should Josh do when he dips into the favor tank? Come watch a band you like in like-

I am trying to get tickets. If anyone can help me, I mean you're gonna say this isn't cool, Rob. Why don't you go to a call more with a few friends? I am going to Paris with Will who I phoned earlier. Go on. We're gonna go and watch Lana Del Rey. You're knee deep in the favor tank already!

Exactly, I didn't realize. That's perfect. Yeah, so me and Will are gonna watch Lana Del Rey. In Paris, just you and Will. I mean it's the gayest thing I've't realize. That's perfect. Yeah. So me and Will are going to watch Lana Del Rey. In Paris, just you and Will. I mean, it's the gayest thing I've ever heard. It is odd, isn't it? And if you came out and you was in a gay relationship with Will, I'd go, yeah, that makes sense. It is an odd decision. They've gone to Paris to watch Lana Del Rey, just the two of them. Yeah. The city of love. The city of love, yeah. To watch a female performing artist sing songs about love. Yeah, heartbreak, yeah. Hey, it's not the kind of favour I'd take from the Tank, but it's your love.

It's my life, yeah. We're still struggling to source tickets, actually. Someone said, Josh Winokum goes to Paris with one male friend to watch Lana Del Rey. I'm like, that's too far-fetched. Can we keep the favour Tank suggestions a little bit more sensible? Get our money heads out the cloud here. Why don't we do small business and see if either of them play into the favor tank? Yeah, let's see if Alain Del Rey is talking about tickets to a show. Let's dip into the small business tank.

Dip into the SBT. I'm knee deep into the favor tank at the moment. Are you? Yeah. It's interesting, I think, you know, we should keep track of the favor tank at the moment. So are you? Yeah. It's interesting. I think, you know, we should keep track of whose favor tanks full and whose favor tank is empty. Well, I'm away filming in America and then I'm dipping into the favor tank for two nights in America. Just not working. Does the fact that when you do stuff with Ramesh is fun?

Does that affect the favor tank? I'd say it wasn't official favor tank, but it's a bit of an off the record favor tank. You know what I mean? It's like, it doesn't officially come into the bargaining of favors, but I do think that if I've had a hot run of form, I'm not begging to jump in that favor tank. Because I know that I've sort of been paddling in favors already. Exactly. Just because of what my job is, you know? I know. And I'll have the same when I get back from Telford. Rose will go, but you've just had a great night out.

Why don't you just extend your Telford stay? I might just extend my stay in Telford. Two extra days in Telford. Yeah. Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. I'm a parenting health super fan and my daughter Edie Four, who's reaching out in the hope that you'll give a shout out to my small business. It's my kids YouTube channel Silly Billy Toons T double O N S. Silly Billy Toons is a musical channel for preschool kids that aims to teach language and number skills through silly

animated songs. Here we go. It features covers of nursery rhyme bangers like Humpty Dumpty and Hickory Dickory Dot plus original songs like our latest The Bottom Burp song, which aims to be YouTube's best ever kids song about farts. That is a big, big claim. Big claim, that. Our dream is to be that rare kids YouTube channel that kids love, but which doesn't make parents want to drop kick their own TV.

Good luck with that. Anyway, to check it out, head to YouTube and type in Silly Billy Toons, that's T-O-O-N, and The Bottom burp song. Thanks so much, stay sexy and relatable, Simon. Big up Simon and the bottom burp song. My girls are obsessed with that Willy Willy Bum Bum song. Oh, I've just heard that maybe this person will be able to do pick up for us. I'll do another small business, you crack on with that and let us know how that develops. Cool. Hi Rob and Josh, I'm a new mom and new to the podcast. I mean,

join all the previous episodes. Your podcast makes me laugh out loud and brightens my day as my daughter is only seven months old. Oh my god, feels like a lifetime ago. It also makes me all fucking cliche alert. Sorry. It goes so quick. It goes so quick. Take every moment, it's special. Don't waste a second, Naomi.

Mine don't even fucking ring me no more. Okay, my husband recently set up a car valetting business, so could you please give him a shout out? Vantage Valet is a mobile detailing and valetting, valetting, valet? Valet-ing, no, I don't know with the ying. A business based in Bedford, as well as cleaning cars. You can also remove scratches, deep clean engine bays,

and remove pet hair. He specializes in cloned cars. So if you have a cloned car, I'm joking. He has a range of services on offer for all your valeting, valeting needs, at prices for everyone. www.vantagevalet.co.uk at Vantage Valleys on Instagram. Thank you very much, Naomi.

Naomi, I'm not sure, Naomi, I think that is. There you go. Some small businesses shouted out, Josh. Did you get someone to pick the kids up? Well, I'm just about to hear back. Is this from another parent? No, it's from someone that occasionally babysits for us. Oh, the dream, good work.

That is a good parent in there. Good delegating. Yeah. So you can get yourself to Bristol. Get that tush to Bristol. You going on the train? I am getting the train, yes. What time? Well, I don't know. I was just going to go straight from the blood test. Oh, God. You're all over the place here. I've finished the blood test at three.

10am. You don't know what time you're getting on a train to go to Bristol for 7.30 arrival. I've got to pay a check-in as well Rob, so I've got to do that. What is it the law? Well it is... Oh well I've just stopped the recording, I don't know why. It's all right, it wasn't good stuff. See you later, bye. Mum? What is it? Are we there yet? Hello there, it's me, Harry Hill, with some exciting news. I've got a brand new podcast. It's called Are We There Yet? And it's the world's first family-friendly podcast that's designed to get you from A to B.

Join me, my son Gary. Hello. Sarah the AI Bot. Hello, Harry. As we delve into the childhood memories of a motley crew of comedians, celebrities and cultural icons. Is it on now, Daddy? Yes, Gary, it is.

I'll be there... yet. Welcome to Making Friends with Chantal Nash. It's me, Chantal Nash, comedian, writer, mum of two, crock lover and now podcaster. Right, guys, I'm going to be honest, making friends as an adult, it's hard. And maintaining friendships as an adult, even harder. I can't be the only one who's not replying to texts and not finding time to meet up and grappling with the question, are

we even still friends? So I've decided to do something about it. Each week I'll be joined by a woman that I would love to be friends with. Women from the worlds of science, music, art, entertainment, politics and beyond. We'll talk all things friendship wins, friendship fails, friendship challenges and hopefully a lot of friendship advice, all in the hope of forming the perfect girl crew. And that crew needs you. So join me and my guest every Wednesday for Making Friends with Shanton Ash. You can listen to Making Friends wherever you get your podcasts.