Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP51: "My head's gone..."

Episode Date: July 2, 2024

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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] Attention all soccer fans. From Orlando to Los Angeles,

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has the running shoes, clothes, and accessories to push your run further and help you run your way. Find yours at newbalance.ca slash running. New Balance. Run your way. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with Mabel. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Whittaker?

Josh Whittaker. Josh Whittaker. Well done. And what do we love? Blind date. We love blind date don't we? Well done good girl. That is so weird. Are they in a bath or fried bacon? Did you hear that? Yeah I heard that. Are they in 1990? Is Blind Date still a thing? Scousers love Cilla Black. I know, so are they watching it on gold? I don't know, Josh.

Who are they? You know who they are. Joe and Mabel from Liverpool. Yeah. Thanks for keeping me entertained through the horrors of parenting a three-nager. Let me just Google Blind Date. I bet it's been brought back with someone and I didn't know. Josh, why have you got a jacket on? Because I've just been out.

Oh, right, okay. You've been somewhere you're trying to impress. Where have you been? No, I haven't been somewhere I was trying to impress. It wasn't that hot when I left the house. Oh, right, okay. Blind date. It came back with Paul O'Grady 2017 to 2019.

Didn't Holly Willoughby do it for a bit or she did Surprise, Surprise? She did Surprise, Surprise. She's surprise, surprise. Surprise, surprise. You what? There's a meme, not a meme or TikTok, I think it's still a black guy. Surprise, surprise. Ah, right.

It's one of the near worms I've got. Yes. Like, oh brother. What's that? Brother, oh. What's that? Oh, you're so old. What about, ha, twouh, spit on that thing.

No, I'm just not interested, Rob. You must know what these memes are. I don't know. Why would I? I'm gonna lose my job. I'm panicking. I'm gonna lose my job. What's that?

Josh, what world are you living in, mate? The world of a 41-year-old father of two, Rob. Right, okay, well, Michael's not here today because he's away. Will's here. He's recording this. Will's cool because he's young and he's got a baseball cap. He's 33. Okay, so look, young. How do you know Will's 33? Because you were late again and I was making lovely little small talk. What kind of fucking weird small talk? I was two minutes late and you asked him how old he was. Will, how old are you? I'm 33. Thank you. No, no, no, I'm not denying that you asked him. I'm I'm not denying that you asked him.

I'm saying it's weird that you asked him. And basically, I feel like what I just heard there was the start of your conversation. You turned it on. I wasn't there and you said, Will, how old are you? No, I was talking to Will about when Michael Jackson did Wembley Stadium. Oh, let's not get into that. And if you remembered it. And he was too young. Will, if I say, oh, brother, what will you say back to me? I can't remember the line, but I know what you're referring to.

Oh brother, brother, oh. That's it, and it's a good impression as well. It's a great impression, thank you, Will. Will, don't pander to this shit. Let's move on and let grandpa Google blind date. Fucking grow up, Josh. Grow up. Not grow up, grow down.

Grow down. Grow down, man, take a chill pill. Also, can I tell you something? I don't know when this goes out, but your positivity, because of your new fucking life choices is pissing me off when it comes to football. I'm happy for you to be a very well balanced man with great mental health when you're at work with your family. But when it comes to football, you can fuck off with all this take a chill pill stuff.

It's doing my head in. What's going on? Chill out. No. Enjoy the now. No, but the tactics and the players that they're picking aren't right, Josh. And no kind of meditation will help that. Rob. Yes.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. But Josh. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Can you change the England team? No, but Gareth Southgate can. And he can put Foden in at number 10 and Bellinum and Rice in the middle

and Gordon on the wing, Josh. Yeah, but I don't think you tweeting about it. I don't think he's strong enough. I don't think he's strong enough to manage massive egos because he's never managed at a top European club. OK, I've said it. Do you think he could manage you? No.

I could barely manage me. Lose, certainly. Lose, fucking try. Lose at the end of a 10. I'm partly doing it. I got so annoyed with football fans that I've started over adjusting, Rob. Right, so now you're super like,

hey, man, it doesn't matter. It's just, you know, what it'll be will be.. Can I say I've got an idea for the show, Josh. How about where people send in the start of like funny meme quotes off TikTok and the Internet. So like, oh, brother. Yeah. And then the line after his brother, oh, and then you have to guess what the line is and then we'll play it on the show. OK. Yeah. And in exchange, because I'm interested in this.

Can we put on our Instagram? This is for Michael when he listens back to this, because let's just read out what Michael's fucking... get the small violins out for why Michael's late. Right, yeah. He's technically on a work trip, wasn't he? Listen to this fucking... Sorry, I was in Cannes yesterday, supposed. Supposed to be in Greece last night, misconnecting flights, I got stuck in Milan. Now having to fly to Vienna to get to Greece.

Fucking hell. He's Simon Cowell, we're Jedwood. We're in here in the trenches with Will, no offence Will, while he's jetting around the world. He's sending a younger man to do an old man's job. At least Will knows all the memes. Well, that's what I want to do. Can we put on our Instagram a poll? Rob, you choose three memes.

Yeah. I want to know, do our listeners, are they aware of these? Am I old before my time or are you trying to hold on to your youth when it's gone? I'm a sexy young gun. Are you a sad guy? I'm a sexy young gun. Are you a sad guy? I'm socially aware, Josh. OK? I'm not wandering around dressed like these young kids,

but I'm on a level where I can communicate with them, Josh. I love to tell the truth. I've got my finger on the knob of youth. Right, Rob. How's your week been? Week's been busy, very busy. This is a busy period, because it's near the end of term, but not the end of term, where there's sports days, there's assemblies, very busy. This is like a world busy period because it's near the end of term,

but not the end of term where there's sports days, there's assemblies, there's like, because they've learned stuff all year, they wanna show you it. Like we went to a concert and they played the recorder and then they were singing in the choir, kind of all these different things. And my work super busy.

I was in a heavy metal band last week. Next week I'm being set on fire in America for a stunt training, then I'm doing UFC. Yeah. So it's like, it's quite a lot to get your head around. Does this happen now because... What's that alarm? It's just outside. Oh, I've got to tell you something in a minute about outside. Does this happen now because does Ramesh still take off the whole of August like dead? So you basically have to fill it all in now. Yeah, because he, he done his tour as well. So this is our

sort of filming period. So it's very busy. But like my kids do this like poetry thing, like it's called elocution, but it's not really like talk properly. It's like, I'll be honest. Yeah. With the house they're growing up in that is a battle they've already lost. They're gonna have a very different lifestyle to me growing up. But they sell a kitchen, but it's more like public speaking. So confidence in giving a presentation or, but

they've been given these poems, they've been given their poems. And they're so funny, because they're properly like giving it some. Anyway, they're like, Oh, because that's sort of like a lunchtime little club that they do. It's not really part of school curriculum. It's an extra thing you can pay for. Don't know if you pay for it. I'm not sure I'm losing charge of that. But they're gonna do a poetry elocution mental load, poetry elocution performance. So you can see what they've been

learning. Yeah. Yeah. I was okay. Cool. Guess what time that is? What time? Guess what time the performance is I'm gonna be sat down for a performance. I would presume 4pm after school. No, it's before school. 7.55am. What? No one's poetry at that time. I know one needs poetry at that. Maybe I do, depending on the result of the England game. God knows when this goes up. Did you think of anything to rhyme with Trent Alexander-Arnold? No, I can't, Josh. Okay. Bantor off. Fun off.

Is Foden the best number 10 in the league? Yes. Is he the best winger in the league? No. Is Anthony Gordon a better winger? Yes. Play him there then. It's simple, Josh. You wouldn't send me, right, to Durham University to do an hour of stand-up political stuff. That's got Nish Kumar written all over it. The same way you are not sending Nish Kumar to Butlins

to do a gig after the cabaret. Yeah. No one's going to do well. Everyone needs to pick their lane and succeed in what they're good at, Josh. Do you know what I mean? I would agree with you, but I've done at least 15 Mock in the Weeks with you. And neither of us were suited to that.

Yeah, no, but if someone's going to pay me, I'm not going to say, no, I'm not sh-ing. I'm not blaming the players. If Southgate went Beckett, fancy a go up front, Kane's tired, I'll be all over it. Would you? I was having this discussion with my mate actually. Would you do it if you got picked for England in the next game up front or would you think the hatred rained down on you from the nation would be too much to put you off?

Well when politicians say country before party politics, that would very much be Rob Beckett before country opportunity. And you might score. Oh my god, I was talking to a guy at school yesterday. He's really tall and he was playing basketball. Sorry, where was you? Bayside High. He's Slayer. You're just hanging out of A Slayer, are you? He's American. Right, OK. So it's named basketball at the school, game.

Well, I'll tell you what happened. So yesterday, it was England v Denmark as the day we're recording this. Sorry if it's a bit out of sync. We're all over the place at the moment, so sorry. But we'll get back on track in the summer. So we came up with an idea to do watch the England game in the school hall with the kids.

That's a great idea. Five o'clock, so that's good. Yeah, so it was really good. And England, this is why I didn't care that much about the game. I didn't get to watch that much of it, but also, England scored while the kids were still interested. So that was fun. By the second half, 95% of the kids had gone out to the playground.

Right, so it was just some dads in a hall. Because it was a parents' event, some of the parents had gone out to the playground. Right, so it was just some dads in a hall. And because it was a parents' event, some of the parents had to be out there all the time, because it was like a parents' PTA event, rather than a school event, if that makes sense. Anyway, so I was stood in the playground with the dad, and the kids were playing basketball, and then he shot a basketball,

and it went in, and he's massive, right? And I said to him, did you do basketball at school? Have you always been tall? And he said, he's always been tall. He was like, no, not really. I shot up when I was 15, I was only five foot eight. And then I went to six foot four within a year. And I was like, I'm not five foot eight now.

You've just said when I was 15, I was only five foot eight. I was tiny. And out of nowhere. I'm a grown man and I'm not five foot eight. I sort of feel that. Like I'm only five foot eight. I think five foot eight. I could probably get away five foot eight and a half in a Air Force one.

Why are those ones so big and strong? Do you ever think that? You see a guy, how is he made then? Why is he so big and strong? All his bits and bobs and arms seem to be in the right place. I'm this little troll man, but when I look to my history, I am basically from farm labourer. You should be big. No.

Because you've been working in the field. Yes, but carrying stuff on our backs. You haven't been squashed. We've been squashed, Josh. You haven't been squashed by time. We've been squashed down by the big thumb of hierarchy. The big upper class. Look at Jacob Rees-Mogg.

He's never carried anything in his life. No, he's not. Apart from the stench of his own shit around with him. But I've been carrying sacks, the Dockers, that generation, carrying shit. They've been squashed out. Always suited to those jobs. It's an advantage to be small because you're squat. Small and wide.

It's an advantage to be squat. What about you? What have you come, I'd say wiry in a complimentary way. So, my dad's six foot. Right. But my mum's short. She's two foot six, isn't she? She is two foot six, yeah. How tall is she at 15? This is weird, seven foot. But then she grew down. She grew down. And she knows her memes. Yeah. She told me that she was the tallest girl in school at 11, I think, but then just never kicked on. How tall is she? She's about five, three, school at 11, I think, but then just never kicked on.

But how tall is she? She's about 5'3, 5'4, I don't know. She never kicked on. She was like Theo Walcott. Just really, 17 was flying, but it never really grabbed it unless a contract was up for renewal. Yeah, so I don't know where my smallness comes from. My granddad was in the Navy. Would he have had to be tall to be in the Navy? Well, you have to be little to get in the bunks. It's about to be little to get in the bunks. Shall we?

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You put the load right on me Life's a trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Visit bestwestern.com for terms and conditions. Can I talk to you about something? Yeah, is it my radiator? Yes, what's going on? I saw it on Instagram, and I thought it was a joke or a wind-up. It's not a joke.

So, for people that don't know, your radiator's been on non-stop in the summer, and you have to have your window open. Even though you've turned the heater off in for people that don't know, your radiator's been on nonstop in the summer and you have to have your window open. Even though you've turned the heating off in the house, for some reason that one's still hot. So it's linked to the hot water circuit rather than the heating circuit. Right, okay.

So the hot water is still on obviously. Yes, and that's running through there. Yeah. So are you bathing in water that's been in your radiator? No, of course not. It goes through the radiator then on your head? No, it doesn't, no. How's it linked? No, what I mean is, I don't know how plumbing works Rob.

It's not the same water that goes through everything, is it? Right, so you said the radiator was broken, but you got a builder to fix it? No, I didn't get a builder to fix it. We've got a builder here. Shout out to Adrian. Great builder, great builder. Adrian's a builder that you've hired to work on your house. So you have hired a builder.

It's repainting the hallway and the stairs. Right, okay. As part of a part one of a lot of stuff we're doing. What stuff are you doing? You're moving soon, aren't you? No, we're not moving, no. So what stuff are you getting done? Uh, we're getting...

Hello? Is Rose gone? Is Rose gone? I don't know where she is. Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry, Adrian. What stuff are you getting done? Uh, we're getting... Hello? Is Rose gone? I don't know where she is. Oh, sorry. Oh, it's all right, Adrian? She's probably in Cornwall, Adrian. Good timing, isn't it? Is that Adrian in the building?

They're just looking for your wife. Where is Rose? I thought she was downstairs. Pfft. We only just got back, so I think she must be downstairs. Has Adrian seen a lot of Rose? Ha ha ha. Me and Adrian have a great time. Do you? Yeah. Where's Adrian from? I thought I heard an accent. Romania.

Romania. Do you talk about football? Great chats about the Euros. His son plays Crystal Palace. Really? So we have great chats about that. And also just like, Romania are doing well. Oh, he went home early that day. Did he? To watch the Romania game. Is that where Rose was away as well? Rose was away, yeah. Yeah, it keeps it interesting. He said to me, we're the worst team in the tournament and then they won 3-0.

He was absolutely buzzing the next day. I loved it. Because the Ukraine are decent, yeah. Yeah, I obviously, I said, obviously you have to support Ukraine for obvious reasons, but I was pleased to hear. And so Adrian's been working in the house as well as chatting about football. And I said, oh, could you have a look at this?

There's a few things we've got. I was like, oh, you could just have a look at this because you're basically a proper man. Yeah, real man. Yeah, yeah. And I said, this radiator won't turn off. So I've been turning it the wrong way, Rob, for three months. That can't be it.

Yeah, it was. But did you not try the other way? In my defence. Yeah? The arrows say off is the way I was turning it. Okay, so in your defence the arrows are wrong, so you turn it off. So it's been installed to turn the wrong way. Okay, right, so fair enough.

But did you not think to turn it the other way and try? Well, clearly not. You've been motivated by his radar, you've not even attempted to turn it the other way and try? Well, clearly not. You've been motivated by his radar, you've not even attempted to turn it the other way. I know that he's labeled wrong, but I'd say there's two ways it can go. So you've constantly been turning it one way and going, that's not working.

Well, I haven't constantly been doing it. It's just stuck in the, what turns out to be, Mac's position. Mac. So not only is it on, it's as hot as it could and you've turned it on. Yeah. This is the really idiot tact. I've been occasionally really wrenching it towards Max further thinking maybe it's stuck. Twisting it so much that the radio's like I'm gonna be on Max here. This guy's cold. This guy. Was it stiff though? Would it not turn the other way then?

No, it would turn the other way. I just hadn't done it. So tell me if you know what Adrian did. Well, he just turned it clockwise rather than counterclockwise. Immediately. No, he went, oh, it's stuck that way. I'll try the other way. He said, give it an hour.

So I gave it an hour. Yeah. And it was off. Have you and Adrian spoken about this since? Yeah. I'll tell you what, I bet he couldn't wait to get back to the office. He couldn't wait to get back to the office. He couldn't wait to get back to the office.

He couldn't wait to get back to the office. He couldn't wait to get back to the office. He couldn't wait to get back to the office. He couldn't wait to get back to the office. He couldn't wait to get back to the office. He couldn't wait to get back to the office. He couldn't wait to get back to the office. He couldn't wait to get back to the office. Yeah. And it was off. Have you and Adrian spoke about this since? Yeah. I'll tell you what, I bet he couldn't wait to get home. Hours work, you will never believe. I've met some thick fucking idiots in my time.

This guy. Adrian loves working for us, he keeps coming back. It might be because I'm so thick, it's quite easy to work for me. Well, no, you know, he seems like a good guy. You're a busy guy, you're not technically minded, I'm not either. I would have tried the other way.

Would you? Yes, I assumed you'd had. It's because I follow the instructions, because I'm a good boy. Yeah, absolutely, you're a great boy. Really good boy. But next time maybe, if you've got an issue, why don't you tell me and Michael and the listeners what's happening

and then we can maybe suggest things. Yeah. Has that worked with the fish tank, didn't it? And the algae? Yeah. Before, you know, you've got a clean tank now, yeah? Exactly. Well, I'm glad you've called it down. It's too hot anyway today.

Perfect timing. It's definitely too hot for a radiator. It's fucking boiling. Yeah. You need an air con in there, really, or something, or a fan to work in that room, you always look hot. Well, it's because we record in the mornings and that's when the sun is on me, if that makes sense. Hey, Josh, if you're thinking the right way,

the sun's always on you. You sound like something I'd text someone after the England game. You're trying to get on their side. I've got a good one, do you want a good quote? Yeah. Listen to this one. In the depth of winter, I finally learned

that within me there lay an invincible summer. Blimey. Do you know who said that? No. Carasafgate 2018. Did he? No. All right.

Anyway, any news? Yes. So the radiator? This has been going on for two years, three years. I know. It's bad, isn't it? It's not just like this summer. Yeah.

This has been going on for years. Yeah, I know. My daughter's going to football. Playing it or watching it or? Watching it to an extent or just following the Euros. I don't think my daughter's really into football. She plays football on a Saturday morning in the football team at school. I think she likes hanging out with her mates and not learning.

Yeah. Because they've not even looked once at the football that I'm watching for the Euros. Yeah. So my daughter, we've got a babysitter who was here on one of the evenings, can't remember because I was working. Yeah, roses away. And Josh, people are coming up to me in the street and saying, what's going on with the rose stuff? I have defended you and said, well, sometimes we might record two episodes in a day. So I'll already know and I'll ask him

again to wind him up. So like, it's normally, you know, but then I go, yeah, but it does seem a lot, doesn't it? She's here today. Is she? Well, she wasn't. Adrian can't find her. But yeah. He come in and went where it's right. If you put that in a sitcom, it's too far fetched.

And it's like I've had to introduce him as a character a minute before. Yeah, well, this seems mad because we're literally introducing him at this moment in time, then he walks in asking him, Rosie, it's too obvious. That wouldn't happen in real life. I think that's the problem with the sitcoms dying is because so many people are putting out content about their own lives which is more weird and funny. Remember that day when the babysitter was late and you were downstairs and the delivery guy turned up. Oh, dear. Anyway, so, Martine, who, oh, you'd love Martine, Rob. Do you know what, from the name, Martine and Will growing up, my mum and dad's friends,

big up Martine and Will. Love Martine, love Will. I love the name Martine. His name's actually Ian, but everyone got him Will and I don't know why. Go on, what's Martine like? She's a proper fucking East Ender. Is it? Big Arsenal fan. She came to a babysitter, she just a proper fucking East Ender. Is it? Big Arsenal fan. She came to a babysitter, she just shoved the football on. Yeah.

And they watched it and then... Was it England or was it just... No, it was Scotland, Switzerland. Oh, respect, Martin. And the afternoon game. I can't even remember what that was. Yeah, what a lot. I might become a babysitter during the Euros next time.

Yeah. And then when I got home, my daughter, I was like, it's bedtime. It's my daughter, a half time of the Scotland, Switzerland game. Yeah. Good game then. Yeah. And then when I got home, my daughter, I was like, it's bedtime. It's my daughter, a half time of the Scotland-Switzerland game. Yeah. Good game there. Yeah. She was like, could you leave a note out for me with the result? Oh, Josh, this is your wet dream, isn't it? Unbelievable. Having a kid that's into football, wanting to know the result.

You would have wanted to know the result when you was a kid, wouldn't you? Oh, yeah. Well, Italian 90s, so I'd have been seven was the one for me. When would you have been? UO 94? 96. UO 96. I? U.S. at 94? 96, Euro 96. I was eight. Euro 96. Absolutely obsessed by it. I remember doing the,

I think I spoke to him about this before, doing the, at school the homework was to do a back page of the newspaper with a pun title and a news report of what happened. I had that on video. I got VHS when we beat Holland 4-1. Oh my God. Oh my God.

When Sheridan squared it against a Sheeran, he hit it so hard in the top corner. I was just talking to Rose because we just... On Zoom? Sorry. We had our parents, well it's not parents evening, it was like we do, it was an individual meeting with the teacher. Oh okay cool. Ours was scheduled for the morning, nine, 10, because they schedule them whenever to fit around everyone. Oh, how was that? Good, is this for your eldest?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was good. Just nothing to report really, just good kid cracking on. Like, do you know when they're positive, you're like, is this just what you do or is this positive? Yeah, I know, but I think it's probably just fine, isn't it? Yeah, it's just fine. Did you mention the reading? She's not doing enough reading, that's what you're always this positive? Yeah, I know. But I think it's probably just fine, isn't it? Yeah, it's just fine. Did you mention the reading? She's not doing enough reading.

That's what you're getting stressed about. No, I said, what should we do about this? Because I don't want to stress her out about it. Yeah. And she was like, yeah, don't stress her out. Because what my daughter will do, she's got like, books that are like the book that you'd read her that would be like for a six year old is called like, Alien Stolen

My Teacher or something. Can't remember what it's called. She wants to read her own book at bed rather than us read to her now. And so she just sits in bed and reads and she looks like she's 80. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know and a little light on. They've got these little Ikea lights that you press and it turns it on. It looks like a big like half a ball. And then my daughter just has it on her chest and the light on the page, it just like clicks it off and goes to sleep. So old.

But I was like, is that probably just as good, right? That's just, and she was like, yeah, that's fine. But anyway, my daughter's been reading this alien's book all week. I said to her, what's it about? And she said, no idea. Is it like a like a fixed story book or one of the really good ones? Yeah. So it's 200 pages or whatever. She's doing a page a night or

whatever. I was like, so what's it about? She said, no idea. It doesn't make any sense. Because obviously you're reading a book that's probably slightly quite high for your reading level, not because she's got like, just because that's what she has picked up. She's not taking in a lot of the words, because she's doing it on her own. Yeah, if I've read that with that, I'd be explaining quite a few of the words she must just be reading words going

on. What is that? Well, that's why I'm not saying it's the same thing, but because of my dyslexia, when I read a novel, I can't retain information. So I struggled to remember who everyone is. Well, I loved Adrian being introduced and already doing a joke. That was great in a sitcom for me. You've written the sitcom I need. But I struggled to remember certain information in a book.

And I think, well, especially with a kid, if they're tired of reading a new book, it's quite a challenge, isn't it? I find that with films, I know this would be a revolutionary thing that they shouldn't do. You know, they give them character names rather than actor names. Yeah. Because obviously I know everyone as an actor. And so, say you've got Brad Pitt in it, and then he's mentioned in another scene and they say, who did the crime? It was Michael. And I'll be thinking, who was Michael? Yeah.

I just think it'd be easier if all of the characters just used their actor names at all times. Yeah. Because then you'd go... Oh, it's Brad Pitt. It's Brad Pitt, right. Okay, it makes sense. I didn't know he was called Michael. She's only been called Michael for 45 minutes.

He's been called Brad Pitt for the last 30 years of my life. Mate, when I watched Face Off, when it's Nick Laskage and John Travolta and they swap faces, weirdly it was so complicated that it actually made sense. Because I've got it wrong, but then I've got it wrong in a good way and I was like, that'll do for me. Who's that? It don't matter anymore, is it? Someone. Someone with the up. Fucking hell. The irony is they they've both had their face off and new ones put on in their actual lives now as well. Yeah. Art imitating life.

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Oh, like I'll tell you this, this is living in the countryside. I had an absolute nightmare the other night, Josh, right? Yeah. I was working in town, I got dropped off back at Petswood train station, okay? Because that's where I parked my car early in the day, that's where I get my hair cut, shout out Mila's hair. Anyway, I got dropped off there and I went about half-night at night and Lou was at the theatre in Bromley, so I went, okay, I'll pick you up from the theatre. I drove to Bromley, she went and saw some sort of drag version of Ursula from Little Mermaid, Rocky Horror Show or something. I don't know what it was.

Seriously, what was she watching? That was some stat. I don't know what it was or what was going on. And anyway, so she was doing that. So I got there, I got there about, and I was there 10 minutes before she came out. So I was waiting for a bit. So then it's sort of half an hour, but from that state, I'm only, that's only 20 minutes from my house where I was to start with, right? So I could have been at home by the time I got to Bromley to pick her up. Anyways, I waited 10 minutes, you know, I get her and then we're driving back and then where I am, at the moment they're doing like gasworks.

And there's a couple of road sheds, there's loads of traffic. It really backs up, but at night it's fine. So it's traffic lights, but you just get through it. Anyway, I got to where there's only traffic lights and then another road was shut because where they're doing the gasworks, they drilled through a water main. Josh, I cannot express too much water there. It was just like bursting out the ground in about 50.

Was it like something you'd see in New York in the summer? Yeah, they smashed it open and the kids are playing. It was like I was going through some sort of like theme park water ride. At one point I was getting stuck in a flood. Anyway, so full of diversion, right? I go, okay, fair enough, this diversion. And basically it diverts me all the way round these country lanes. And then there's loads of lorries and cars coming past me because they've been diverted off the main road.

I'm wanting for 20 minutes, right? So at this point we're looking at about 20 past 10, half 10, right? Diversely, diversely, diversely. After 20 minutes I go round these country lanes to come back out. I'm the same fucking ruff. Diversion took me round, right? All these country lanes to come back out. Same fucking round.

Diversion took me round right? All these way. So it gets about our same point of the same road. No, another entry point, but about 10 meters up to get back on that road to come back there. I was like, you are fucking winding me up. Because really, what I needed to do was a u turn at the point, but I don't think they're allowed to tell you to do a U-turn. Anyway, so they get round there, then another 20 minutes, then I get stuck at intersection where the fucking Blade Runners have cut down all the lampposts again.

And like... Because where I live now, it's on the border of London, Kent, and they're livid about you, Les, because they're having to pay like 15 quid to drive their car like... through one... So if they cut it down every six months They never have to pay it. So there's these nutcases are cut into how does that affect? Apart from you less what else is on that lamppost so they'll cut down a lamp

I just got the traffic lights on the you less camera But then when that's down all the traffic lights go off so you're a four-way intersection crossroads with no lights It's not mad max. Just put a bag over the camera? Well, they've been spray painting them and stuff. They've been spray painting with the St. George's Cross recently, sort of just an unnecessary level of patriotism, isn't it, really? Just, can't you just, does it matter?

Anyway, but they were using like a reddy orange spray paint for a bit, and I think they don't want to be coupled up with Just Stop Oil. Those two are not comfortable bedfellows. Yeah, because it's like, right, look, we're into you, Les, they love you, Les, but they're orange, so we need to pick another colour. Our awake? What's the awake here?

We're going into it with Just Stop Oil. Anyway, so I get trapped in this intersection. It's basically like dying with death because there's no lights to stop anyone. So we went that way and then eventually I got home at 11pm. I started off at 9.30pm, 20 minutes to my house. And I got home at 11pm, John. Do you know what you need to do? Move to the city. And Lou was drunk. But you know when someone's drunk, but like, nice drunk, but when they tell the same story for the third time on an hour and a half journey, like, oh for fuck.

Sometimes it's quite fun when you pick up your partner and they're a bit drunk, you're like, oh, you have a laugh, should we stop and get some food on the way? Oh, yeah. Then sometimes, oh, for fuck's... Yes, yes, yes, I know. You said it in the third diversion. And because she was drunk, was she aware of all the diversions and stuff? She was helping, but then, because she was a bit pissed,

she was like, yeah, that's where the diversion is. I'm like, are you sure? She's like, yeah. I'm like, I can't trust her on that diversion. Cause she's definitely pissed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So then I'd have to go back and check and I was like, oh yeah, no, I don't think that is the diversion.

She was like, oh, sorry, but all happy. Yeah. That's good. That's good. Cause she's happy, but then I'm, you can't be angry with someone who's happy. Yeah, no, exactly. Well, you are, you were with me earlier on. What would you have at that? Just tell me because I don't think you mean it. You're just trying to... You're allowed to be angry sometimes, Josh.

I'm fine. I am angry at things. What's so annoying about you? What grinds your gears now that you're mentally stable? I have loads of things. So, mess in the house. Can I just tell you something though? Behind you is an absolute bombs site. Yeah, I know, and it's doing my nut. Yeah, but that's your mess, isn't it? Yeah, that's why it annoys me. Oh, so angry at yourself, not for other people's mess. Oh, yeah, yeah.

All angers at yourself, really, Rob. Oh, here he goes. Here he goes. Gandhi's turned off again for a fucking chin wag. I know it is, and I know it's true. That's the thing you said that my favourite thing you ever said was there's nothing worse was it than someone that's Zen. Yeah. It's like it's great to be Zen but there's something worse being near someone that is Zen. Yeah I'd stand by that. Yeah it's so true isn't it? It really is. If you're a bit annoyed

about something you gotta speak to someone that actually, all angers at yourself really. No, it's not. It's the diversions and the waterworks and the gas pipes and the no traffic lights. Yes, exactly. I have got something that has annoyed me, Rob. Go on. I've got high, not too bad, high cholesterol. How do you get high cholesterol? It's so unfair. I've googled what leads to high cholesterol and what you need to do to stop high cholesterol. Right do you get high cholesterol? It's so unfair. I've googled what leads to high cholesterol and what you need to do to stop high cholesterol. Right, okay. I'm living

a low cholesterol lifestyle with none of the benefits. But you've still got high cholesterol? Yeah. You know, I had that blood test. So that was just general MOT stuff. And they were like, everything's good. But your cholesterol is a bit high. So how do you get high cholesterol? All the things that I don't do. Right, okay. So talk me through those things. Alcohol. Right, yep. Red meat.

Yep. Lots of pastries, biscuits, fatty foods. Butter and sugary stuff. Butter and sugar, stuff like that. Yep. I eat fruit and veg. So how are you getting it? I don't know Rob.

Just genetics. Like surely it can't just be that I need to change from butter to vegetable spread or whatever. Do you use real butter? Yeah. Oh, there you go. No, come on. There you go, that's your problem.

No it's not. Is it 1947? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You won't eat me, but you'll let a cow's tits be churned. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha too much. So do you think it can't just be that on one slice of toast a day I have 10 grams of butter? I think that's it. It's not. You're having that every day. Oh brother. Oh brother. Well I'd say having buttered toast every morning is something like... I don't have buttered toast every morning. That is like a vacui behavior. I don't have buttered toast every morning. You know what I have in the morning.

You're putting butter in the porridge. I'm not putting butter in my porridge. They put salt in it up in Scotland. They do, yeah. Vitalite, I use vitalite and I quite like that. It's got a nice taste to it and that's like non-dairy. Yeah. Look, I might have high cholesterol, I've not had a blood test for ages.

Yeah. I'll go and get one and find out. I have alcohol and red meat. Yeah. But yeah, you can't just be from your butter, can it? It can't. You're not shy of a pastry, are you? I am at the moment.

That's classic, like cool London vibes, going out and getting a pastry. I enjoy a pastry, but I don't actually... When was the last time you had a pastry? I haven't done the builder's parking. Oh shit. Oh my god. Oh, he's going to get a ticket. I'm going to have to pay for it.

For fuck's sake. You want to move to the countryside, mate? Part of where you want. Oh, you fucking idiot. Unlimited parking for a while, builder. Do you know what they've done? What? They've converted to e-vouchers.

For the council? Yeah. Is that annoying? Yes. Josh, all anger is really from within. You're not angry at the council? No, I'm angry at myself. And the council.

Isn't it easier an e-voucher than a paper one to put in? No, because a paper one, you just give them all to Adrian at the start of the week. Here's your five vouchers for the week. Yeah. Here he's got to every day say to me, can you put my car? Oh, for fuck's sake. So when I was in London, I used to get these little cards from the council that used to scratch off on the day and time like a scratch card.

Yeah. So that's what we had until maybe a year ago. Yeah, no, it's all he vouchers. So he would have got a ticket. But he might not have. Oh, for fuck's sake, you fucking idiot. So what? Hang on, we're at work. So you're just doing your fucking admin now, are you? I'm done it. You couldn't do that if you were on the Tillamarks and Spencer's or something. Get your head in the game, mate. No, of course I couldn't. Imagine that. Oh, fucking hell, fuck off, fuck's sake, fucking hell. Beep, fucking shit, fuck, beep, fucking hell.

I've not done the builders parking. Excuse me, Josh, can we have a word? It's okay, sorry about that, man. Do you want to go and check, live check on the pod? I'll tell you in the next episode, because I don't know if you get a ticket or if you just get a letter through the post. Oh Josh, that's got you in it.

Oh, 60 quid. Just think of it though, would you have paid £60 for someone to tell you your radiator just needed to be turned the other way? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. So just sort of file it under that. Fuck, I've just dropped my keys. Oh Josh, your head's gone. My head's fucking gone, mate.

My head's fucking gone. Tell me some more about parenting. We're going to do a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit I've just dropped my keys. Oh, Josh, your head's gone. My head's fucking gone, mate. My head's fucking gone. Tell me some more about parenting. We're going to see Taylor Swift tonight.

Are you? We're going in August. My brother went last week and said it's the best gig he's ever seen. Did he go to Cardiff? Yeah. Yeah, so we're going to see him. The girl's very excited. So Lou's just taking him to get them nails done. We've done this, so Josh, what do you think of this? Basically, we're going on a Friday night. We just didn't let them go to school today. Wow. Because we'd have to

have got them at lunchtime anyway. Because I've got to do this this morning, we can have a chill morning and the girls are knackered. So it's like they can have a lie in and then they'll be fresh for the gig. They can go get their nails done, get dressed, get ready and then because you'd have to leave at lunchtime anyway. And I think it's more disruptive for kids to leave school at lunchtime to go and see Taylor Swift. You can't teach after that.

No. It's not fair on the other kids. So I was like, do we lie? Do we say the same? And I went, no, just be honest. So we just emailed and said, oh, they're not going to be in today because we've got last, which is true. We got the tickets very last minute.

You know how hard it is getting tickets and you get let down and they're expensive. Anyway, we got a friend of ours had some tickets and they really boring. We had some for August and now we're going to June, they're going in August because it actually works better for us because anyway, boring logistics. But yeah, so we just emailed and said they're not coming into school because we've got last minute tickets to Taylor Swift, which is true. And we wanted them to really make the most of and enjoy this pop cultural experience. It's a moment in history. It's a moment in pop culture. And we're very lucky and privileged to be going. So I know there's people out there

that didn't manage to get tickets, but I would say it is an art metronome. You've been a Swiftie for fucking years, haven't you? Well, I haven't, but Luaz, he was absolutely obsessed. So, but it's exciting to go and see it with him. So it's a very excited household. We're getting up there early. Do you think you'll enjoy it?

Yeah, I will. That's me enjoying it. I'd f***ing believe if I was, look. Do you think you'll enjoy it? Yeah, I will. That's me enjoying it. Again, in a sitcom insane. That was Adrian, just got out his car and found out that there's a ticket on it. That was a swear bleeper. No, I think I'll love it. I think it's going to, do you know what? Look, and this sounds a bit cliche.

It's like a very exciting moment in time. To people that love Taylor Swift, love her on a level that I don't really comprehend. And to be surrounded with that much energy in a stadium will be electric and amazing. It'll be amazing. Getting to experience that with the kids will be brilliant. So we'll be very lucky and very privileged. We don't take for granted that we managed to get tickets. A lot of people didn't. So, you know, very excited, looking forward to it.

Getting up there early. They want to swap wristbands or something and they've got outfits made. And do you want to see the outfits that Lou's made? Yeah, yeah. Oh, we'll put it on Instagram as well. Lou underscore M. I don't want to break these. Oh, shit. I've just dropped the sunglasses.

We're like, Lou's made all this, Josh. So basically you have to go dressed up as certain things. So you going dressed up? No, I didn't have time. Is Lou? She's got like a sparkly dress kind of thing. But the girls wanna go, they wanna go in different ones. So one of the girls wants to go with that white and golden,

the Fearless album. Look at Lou's made. Oh my God, that's amazing. Looks like a wrestler. They look like wrestlers, don't they? It's a white denim jacket with gold tassels and Fearless rhinestones on the back. And then she's made fearless sunglasses.

Amazing. I said she could run a shop on Etsy here, look. Yeah. And then the other one's going as Lover, so she's got Lover sunglasses. Oh nice, yeah. And then she's got a jacket. Amazing. So did Lou do all of the rhinestones?

Yes. And also she's all converse and done this with a converse. So there's a normal converse with a rhinestone that's on. That's incredible. And then one with pink. The mental load that Lou's doing compared to you is unbelievable, Rob. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

But I had to graft to find these tickets. Did you know what I'm saying? But yeah, no, honestly, Lou's unbelievable and she's made it so special for the girls. So they're going to get their nails done now. Are you going to Girls Allowed as well? I'm not going to Girls Allowed, honestly, Lou's unbelievable and she's made it so special for the girls. So them going to get their nails done now. Are you going to Girls Aloud as well? I'm not going to Girls Aloud. No, we're not going to Girls Aloud.

So yeah, she's done all that. She bought a lot of the rhinestones off T-Mill and got like a special gun that glues them all on and takes a bit of time and stuff, but I think- Yeah, that fucking does. So she spent ages on it, bless her, but it looks amazing and the girls are loving it. So I'll report back when the next time we record

how it went and you're going in August, aren't you, Josh? Can't wait. Can't bloody wait. Yeah, I'm a bit scared about the screaming. The screaming? Oh, what, do you think it'll be too loud? Well, I went to a K-pop thing with young girls screaming and it was, honestly, I've never heard anything like it.

Is it like the Beatles kind of footage from the 60s, that kind of awful, like people? Yeah, just like, but it's just, and then people singing along really loud but yeah I'll report back see how it goes but yeah so very excited household at the moment. Well good luck with it, good luck with it Rob. Thank you very much. Rob enough about us. Yeah too much. Too much about us. I'm sick of you. Yeah I'm bored, I'm bored to myself. I can't believe I still talking to you. I know it's weird isn't't it? I just think, how am I still interested?

But I am. Yes. I'm not faking it, Josh. I know, it's mad. Are you faking it? He's not really come back with the same kind of compliment. No, I like you more. So, but you reckon we're going to reach a plateau?

It's just going to get higher and higher until we kiss. Until we kiss? Yeah. What, on Zoom? That's why we do it on Zoom. Leaning into the cameras. Yeah, just to keep on the safe side. I've got something to promote I just wanted to mention.

Yeah. I should just say, if you want to come and see a really good benefit, Rob. Yes. July 17th at Hackney Empire. I'll be walking there, Rob. You'll be walking to the gig, raising money for charity. I'll be walking to work. And who's on the bill?

Rosie Jones, Susie Ruffles, Sean Walsh, Michelle Dessouat, Ramesh Sringanathan, Major Anne McNally and Dara O'Briain. That's a good lineup, isn't it? You're getting bang for your buck there. Yeah. All the money goes to Children in Gaza. It's a night of comedy for UNICEF UK. That is July 17th. Google it. It will go on the Hackney Empire website probably, if you want to go to that.

Lovely. Is that my small business? I'll do a small business as well. That feels like that. I've got one. Well, no, you can't, you're raising money for charity. I wouldn't anyone say bloody hell, Josh Willicombe shoving his own promo into them.

I've not got bitigers to draft. Okay, so this is Rachel Bigsby. Okay, so Rachel Bigsby is a big fan of the show. Basically, I spoke to her on my radio show before and I actually bumped into her for some filming, but she won the Wildlife Photographer of the Year competition. She is a self-taught wildlife photographer who's turned a childhood dream into a career. The current winner of the Natural Artistry and Wildlife Photographer of the Year and the current portfolio winner in Bird Photographer of the Year and the current Portfolio Winner in Bird Photographer of the Year.

If you could please promote a follow on my Instagram and YouTube, that would be awesome and encourage people to head to my website where they can book me for public speaking events, podcasts, university lectures, wildlife photography workshops. I've got two spaces left to photograph polar bears. So she organizes trips where she leads sort of budding photographers. I think they're going off to see polar bears. So she organizes trips where she leads sort of budding photographers. I think they're going off to see polar bears. And you can also buy a printer to support my big dream. It's at Rachel Bigsby on IG and YouTube. And it's rachelbigsby.com. That's r-a-c-h-e-l-b-i-g-s-b-y.com. She's super talented. But obviously, being a nature photographer, you've got a sort of hustle to get your

profile built up. So there's a shout out to Rachel. Yes, I've tried to follow. Good luck, Rachel. She's a big fan of the pod. Be listening from the start. Oh, her photographs are fucking amazing. It's unbelievable. Yeah. So you're so me and Romesh are doing a one of our episodes is a wildlife photography. But yeah, she's self taught photographer. So she lovely lady. Well, do follow her. Good luck, Rachel Bigsby, and check her stuff out.

Yeah, that's Small Business Shoutout. You got one, Josh? Yeah, my husband and I are huge fans of the podcast we listen to every week and came to see the show at the O2. I would love to give my husband, Small Business, a shout out, please. He left his job in 2021 to focus on Brett Freeman

joinery full time. I'm presuming he is Brett. He creates wooden doors, windows, furniture, built-in wardrobes and storage units covering Surrey and surrounding areas. He's incredibly talented and I'm not just saying that because I'm his wife. His website is Brett with one T B E R Freeman, as in freemanjoinery.co.uk. That's Brett, B-R-E-T, freemanjoinery.co.uk. Just one T and Brett on Instagram, BrettFreemanJoinery. Lovely, get yourself joined up. Oh my, is that the kind of thing?

That's the slogan. That is really good. Yeah. That's really good. To get joined up. It doesn't make sense, does it? Nominate us for something, guys. A podcast parenting award. A parenting podcast award. We'll take it. Guys, we will see you on Friday with another fucking great guest episode. Oh, wow. Yeah. Join us then. Yes, there we go. You're free men and women, so join us with the breadth of intentions. Oh, it's good stuff.

I think we've got that shit in the mesh. I think it's shit. I think you're too happy. You've got a little bit of critical thinking here. You're letting too much sleep in there. Right, see you on Friday. Bye. Bye.