Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP56: The Poetry Special

Episode Date: July 19, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond... with Rob and Josh. This episode Natalie Cassidy makes a cameo appearance (listen to her brilliant podcast HERE) and we get a selection of poems from Rob and his family. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday.  Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. This episode is brought to you by Disney's Young Woman in the Sea, now streaming on Disney+.

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Josh, for the viewers, Josh immediately put his head in his... Oh, I'm so fucked. It's six minutes past nine. We're already five minutes late because Josh's mouse wasn't charged properly. And I'm just about to start the show and Josh had his head in his hand. Do you want me to tell you why I'm so tired? Do you want me to see the intro first? No, should we just...

I won't get to the intro. About 20 minutes in. Go on. I was ill yesterday, which was Sunday. We'll come to that, but I'll just give you the headline. What? To Sunday? No, to what it's like.

It's what you just found out about it. But I went to bed at like 8.30 when the kids went to bed. Oh, wow. Yep. Kind of didn't properly get to sleep. I was just lying there. Got to sleep at half 10. Anyway, woke up at half four, shiver it, you know, sweating and shivering, the classic.

Yep. Took what I thought was some paracetamol. Couldn't get back to sleep. woke up at half four, shivering, you know, sweating and shivering, the classic. Took what I thought was some paracetamol. Couldn't get back to sleep. Started to think, I wonder whether I should have taken two. They felt quite big. Looked at it. They had caffeine in. So I haven't been asleep since half four. Having been ill. Because I basically woke up at half four ill, had an espresso and then just lay there. Had a quick espresso and then couldn't get back to sleep. Oh, Joshua. I think if you've got the new Covid where you're exhausted.

I don't know. I had it. It's the Sleeping Beauty COVID where... If I wasn't this morning, I'd tell you that for Or if not, just go up there and disappoint everyone involved. Exactly. If you're not well, you're not well. You can't go to work, even though you are at work. And I'd really be annoyed if you can't go work right now.

Because if you can't go work, this is really bad news to me and Michael. Michael, he's not allowed to be ill now, is he? Absolutely not, no. Well, the problem is, it's a benefit me being ill, because it's good for the podcast. But that's a horrible place to be, isn't it? Yeah, but with the stand-up, it's not a benefit. No, no, no, no, that's not a benefit at all. This is good because you can be honest and open, but you've got to deliver a job,

because these people can sort of listen to their own leisure. But if you've left the house and paid to go to a gig and you just shuffle on and start talking about paracetamols being a bit big, so you was concerned and then you read the... How big were they to concern you just science? Well, I thought is it one of those ones where you just take one rather than two that I don't think should be allowed? No, it should always be two. It should always be two. Why are they changing it so there's questions?

Because it's a danger. If anything, make it two or four. Yeah, exactly. That's safer. Don't suddenly go, oh, we can do this all in one pill because now it's just confusing things for everyone. Also, surely they've always been able to do it in one pill. Yeah, exactly. What's going on, Josh? What's Big Pharma doing now?

I don't know. There'll be a documentary about it in a few years. Right, should I start the show? Go on, then. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with... Mason, can you say Rob Beckett and say Porridge? Gobbler. Gobbler. Good boy. Still can get it. Gobbler. Porridge Gobbler. Still can get my surname if I want it's Gobbler.

Here we go. Hi, Rob, Josh and Mike. You've been miked off here, Michael. You don't like that. Thanks for giving me a lot of laughs on my commuting to work. Love the podcast. This is Mason, 20 months old. He's my first, so I'm getting a lot of tips and hacks from listening. Whilst also preparing me for the journey and challenges ahead.

We're in Sittingbourne in Kent, if Rob wants to guess. Too late now. Don't stop entertaining the nation. There we are, Big Up Mason and Sarah. And you've got that one, Rob. Well, I've got this one, because this was, I was recording Celebs Go Dating. Oh, yeah?

I'll talk about that more later, when I talk about me trying to get over jet lag, which a week on still hasn't happened. Don't want to sort of one upmanship your lack of sleep. But I'm a bit all over the place. Yeah. So she stopped me in the corridors, the hallowed marble halls of the Celebs Go Dating voiceover building. So I think her name is starts with an S. In order to get it, I had to take a photo of her phone with the email on.

And then she air dropped me the voice note. This lady that worked at Celebsko Dating. What? She helped me get through a door because I didn't have the right, do you know what I hate when a lanyard with a buzzer on it, it makes you feel like I'm working for the man job.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what happens is I refuse, I don't refuse to have it, but I always forget to grab it because I'm in denial that I need it, and then I just get locked in corridors a lot. It's like, have you ever, I mean, this is a very specific thing, but have you ever

worked in the global radio building? I've been up there for interviews and stuff. Yeah. When you go as an interview. Global though is for like Capitol Kiss. It's so many radio stations. Yeah. Radio X.

Right in Leicester Square. They used to have the Capitol Radio Cafe. Do you remember that? No. I went there as a teenager. It was the coolest thing ever. So the bottom floor of global is global now, that whole building, they had a Capitol Radio Cafe, remember that? No. I went there as a teenager, it was the coolest thing ever. So the bottom floor of what is global now, that whole building, they had a restaurant and a bar, and in the middle was a recording studio.

You could actually see and hear them do the show. No! Yeah. That is cool. But I can imagine it was awful for the radio DJs. Yeah. What was that? The whole of Capitol Radio was done in the middle of a restaurant.

Well, when I was there, there never seemed to be anyone in the studio. So I imagine they must have done special shows or something. Right, right, right. Yeah, because that's quite kind of... That's quite an effort, isn't it? If you're a radio DJ and you're hungover, and when you're playing a song, you just want to look like you're knackered. But instead, you're surrounded by diners watching you, like you're a fucking...

You don't really want to see a child from, like, you know, a family from Bexley Eve trying enchiladas for the first time. No, exactly. While you're trying to deal with some tech sin about. And there's a dad there who spent way too much money to come to the Capital Radio Cafe and he's going, this lasagne is all squashed. Yeah. It's an enchilada, sir.

Do they still have that one in Liverpool where the radio stations on that big spike in the middle of the city? I don't even know what I mean. Never heard of this one. Google Liverpool Radio City. Right. Because radio stations are a law to themselves. You've never done Australia, have you? No. You will love it when you have to do the radio station round. You'll love it because it's super easy to get to because everything's spread out in Australia, but you'll get in there and it's always the same.

There's like a bit of a laddie bloke who's sort of mid 30s. Then there's a little young nerdy bloke who sort of gets bullied by the laddie bloke. Then there's a massive ex AFL player of huge hands is the famous one. And then there's sort of like a slightly older female one that sort of tells off the main laddie one but laughs at all his jokes. And it's the exact same in every station. Right. It's Liverpool Radio. Just Google the words Liverpool Radio City and then images. Yeah.

It's anyone from Liverpool. Could you let me know if that thing's still going? Because that is mental. That's where the radio station was. There we go. Serial interview, but I love spending time with Spike. Oh no, I typed in Spike. You don't need Spike. Spike Island. What is going on? I've had an arm area. You don't need Spike. What I meant was tower.

Liverpool's radio city name could go from tower after rebrand. Oh, they used to broadcast from inside there. Yeah, just on top of this tower. That's quite fun actually though, isn't it? But it was like so much taller than the rest of the city. It wouldn't be a tower otherwise, would it? No, good point. I'm so glad I'm not in radio.

I'm so glad, Rob. It seems so edgy. You're talking about Global getting locked. Sorry, I cut you off. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's the worst place on earth for they're like every door, but you don't get a pass if you're a guest. Oh, no.

Yeah. door, but you don't get a pass if you're a guest. Oh, no. Yep. And then, Rob, if you need to go to the toilet for, say, a longer time, the junior research will say, I'll just wait here. And you're like, Oh, no, don't wait here. Don't wait here. Seventeen with a dream to be in radio. Now you're waiting for a four year old man to have a shit at six a.m. Anyway, how are you, Rob?

I'm not very well. You're not well. My week's been dominated by, I don't normally get jet lag, I'm quite good with jet lag, and I actually judge anyone that moans about having jet lag. I'm like, get over it, you're pathetic. Grow up and just crack on, you loser. But I have become that loser.

I feel like I've got reasons for being that loser though. So basically we spoke last week. You're in America, the West Coast. So there's nine hours difference, isn't it? It's quite a big difference, yeah. And I cannot remember talking to you or Michael or who we interviewed. I was so tired and out of it. Yeah, you were in a weird place.

I was in a very, I didn't know what was going on. Who did we speak to? It was Jeff Inneson. So, I'll remember some of that now, it's come back to you, but I cannot remember anything I said to you at all. Which is worrying if it's going out. So, I've basically been, since then,

basically, my jet lag journey since that day was, I got home at like 10 a.m., spoke to you at 11 for three or four hours. The next day, I was doing, so basically you're supposed to, if you've got jet lag, get your feet in the sand or the sea or in the grass, ground yourself in nature and let the sun hit your face. Right, okay. Circadian rhythms, yeah? Is that right? Circadian rhythms. You're supposed to feel like you are in the actual place you're in.

You could just go in your garden because you now don't live in London. Exactly. That's what I thought I could do. But obviously I couldn't because I've got a life and a job. So on that Tuesday, after I got back, I was, the jet lag I had was I would fall asleep all day, even at the point of stood up on a train. I fell asleep, fell asleep, stood up like a horse. So I'd be asleep all day. Then I'd try and go to sleep.

I couldn't because I was waking up because it was LA time. So I was awake all evening by the time I went to sleep about 2am, cause that my body clock I'd wake up at 430am, the hungriest I've ever been ever. And then I was awake for the day. So I saw that was my way. And then I had to get up that we had, I think I told you last week, I can't remember. Sorry if I have two poetry performances at 7.55am. It's quite good for you. Very good for me. Yeah, but not ideal because what would have normally

happened is if I'm up at half four, I'd eat a bit and then go back and sleep from six to about seven or eight. Yeah, I'm gonna do my job. Anyway, so went to the poetry things, which was great. Girls really good. Enjoyed it. Then I had to go into London to do self-serve dating voiceover, which is in a basement in Soho with no windows. So I was in there for six hours. Oh my God. Came out, did a gig at Soho Theatre, got the car home, wide awake. Body hasn't seen sunlight for two days. Oh my God. So then Wednesday, up at six, got a bit of a lie in there, straight into poetry again on the second day at 7.55am. After the poetry, straight

into an assembly, watching my daughter, Bill's in the assembly when they did it with the older year. So the older year are basically doing the assembly and And then my kids here are just either side singing with a colorful top on. Right, right. I don't know if you've seen those kind of assemblies at your school, but it's good for them because they see what the older kids do because they're doing it next year.

But for me, could not really give a fuck about that entire year of kids. Now I'm watching it. I'll be honest with you, Josh. I still don't know what the fuck that play was about. Put a gun to my head now. I couldn't tell you the premise. Yeah.

I just sort of looked at my daughter when she sang for a bit every eight minutes. Yeah, yeah. Get out of there, straight to solo, six hours in the basement. Oh my god. Out the basement, back home, wide awake. Oh god, at least she didn't have to do side theatre this time. No, didn't have to do side theatre. So basically, I've been a bit all over the go.

Oh dear. The show's really funny though, but it wasn't allowing me to get back on. And I'm still not 100% back on, Josh. You're not? So when did you sleep last night? So that's like a week on. I went to bed at about 10, woke up at 2 for two hours, back to sleep at 4, woke up at 6 for the day. But then I had a nightmare on Saturday. So Saturday, my daughters were both at sleepovers, but my youngest one is a first one. I fell asleep on the sofa about 10 o'clock and then Lou woke me up to say, she doesn't want to stay. We need to go and pick her up.

Bless her. I felt really sorry for her because she wanted to stay. But then as soon as we got her, she was like, Oh, wish I'd stayed, blah, blah, blah. But she's only young. It was an early one. Exactly. So it was like, let's not make no deal of it. It's fine. Whatever. Anyway, blah, blah. But she's only young. It was an early one. These things happen. Exactly. So let's not make no deal of it. It's fine. Whatever. Anyway, we get her home.

She's still upset. So she just sleeps in bed with Lou. I go into my daughter's bedroom, realize that the other daughter's taken. Her pillows to the other sleepover and I haven't got any pillows out of my room and my kids asleep on the pillows. Now I is like, it's been laminated. Have you not got a spare room? We've got a pillows out of my room and my kids asleep on the pillows now. It is like it's been laminated. Have you not got a spare room? We've got a sort of got a spare room that's got a sofa bed in it.

But I'm going to say it Rob, you're not in your bed 80 to 90% of the nights. No, I'm not. I reckon you should think about just getting a different room. Well having my own room. Yeah, I just think it's come to the time you're a loo. Just move into separate rooms. No, well, it's more that our dog just keeps coming in. I know, Rob. It's fine. You just get your own little room, maybe a caravan in the garden.

I would love my own little room. Yeah. Do you know what I just need? I need a break in case of emergency pillow because I can sleep anywhere as long as the pillow is right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the pillow wasn't right, Josh. Oh, God. Looking for a change of scenery?

Come on over. Let us give you the tour. Grab a paddle and explore. Hit the trails and go. When you're ready, kick back and call it a night. New Brunswick, always inviting. Visit tourismnewbrunswick.ca. Summer's here and you can now get almost anything you need

for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a WellGroom Lawn delivered, but you can get a Chicken Parmesan delivered. A Cabana? That's a no. But a Banana? That's a yes. A nice tan? Sorry, nope. But a box fan? Happily yes. A day of sunshine? No.

A box of fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Anyway, so I woke up yesterday morning, Sunday morning at 4am couldn't get back to sleep. I don't know if you've ever done this or if any of the listeners have, you know, when you've got like, I think if you're ill or you keep waking up early and you just watch

stuff to kill time, but I find my decision making is quite off. Yeah. Because I can't, I'm a bit out of sorts, a bit tired. I can't concentrate. Yeah. So I watched, right, at 4am on Sunday morning, three documentaries. I don't think anyone in the world could guess them. Are they the kind of things I'd end up watching? I don't think anyone's ever watched them. What channel were they on Netflix? One was on Instagram. Someone made documentaries on a little video. One was 45 minutes on Netflix. One was 40 minutes on YouTube.

Is this on your phone? Yeah. Right. But with my head slightly turned and knocked because my battery was low because there was no charger by obviously my child's bed. The only lead I could find was a short lead. So I'm to the side. I watched a little Instagram video about the 1996 Ohio balloon disaster. Oh yeah. Do you know about this? Is that when they released far too many balloons or something? Yeah, just like a million balloons for laughs. And it was

like really dangerous. What happened? They released them and then they all went into the sea and something bad went wrong. It was an environmental disaster, Josh. And then I think also it got like, it was like getting in the way of planes and it was cars could crack, like it was all in the sea and the rivers and then they had like a million balloons that to pick up. Yeah, I've heard a podcast about this incredibly. Yeah, so watch that one.

Also watched a documentary about Centralia in Pennsylvania in America. No, so watch that one. Also watched a documentary about Centralia in Pennsylvania in America. No, I'm out here. About a mining town in the 60s. Someone tried to burn some rubbish and it fell into the mineshaft and set fire to all the coal. So coal's burning underneath it and it's gonna burn some-

Sorry, what's going on with your algorithms, Rob? All over the place, mate. It's a literal bin fire. Are you just into parochial American disasters? ROLF What I've been doing is, I've been doing not interested on stuff, because I'm bored of politics now, like the election. ALICE Should have had on now, for five years. ROLF I'm out, and I just think whatever your politics

is, whoever you wanted to win, can't we just let them have six months and we don't have to watch the news for a bit? And then after six months go, right, what have you done? Let's start giving you shit if it's not good. Let's start praise you if it is good. But let's just all have a little break. It has given me more time actually, even in the last four days. Well, do you know what I found interesting was when I was watching, I saw some of the things of like Keir Starmer in the cabinet doing his first cabinet meeting. I was like, oh, other people are allowed in there. That's not like the Conservatives house. It's been so long. I was like, oh, oh yeah, I forget that they were like,

other people are allowed in there. Yeah. So I think I've been pressing, not interested in a lot of stuff like political stuff or things like that. And it's, this is what's left over. What's your third thing? Well, the centralia, basically that centralia is still burning. It's going to burn for 250 years. What? But it's in the mine. So he's literally burning the coal. Can't they just air? I mean, what? Come on. I want to hear this. Go on. I want, I want, I want Josh Winokum up from Four Hills

on a problem he's only just heard about, his instant solution. Come on. We'll just cut. Just bear in mind it was 60 years ago it happened, but you've got the solution. It's still burning? Yeah, another 200 years.

Yeah, okay, well, all I'm gonna say is- Off you go, Josh. Just cut off the air supply. Cut off the air supply? Yeah, because that, it needs oxygen to burn. So all they need to do is seal it. Yeah. Well, can I tell you what they did do, which didn't help?

They stuck chimneys in the ground to get the vents out so that rather than it just blowing up in certain places, it will come out of one place. Yeah. But then what happened is, as soon as that section finished burning, it just made little air ducts all the oxygen went down and made it worse. Oh, for God's sake. So it's the opposite of my suggestion. You might have been onto something back then. Yeah, I'm too late.

Yeah, you are too late. And then basically the towns just, they've had to remove everyone out of town and it's just- That is mental. Oh, it's mad. Watch the doc, mate. Set your alarm for him, watch the doc. Pop a couple of caffeine pills and watch the doc. The other one I watched was a documentary about a true crime one, about a man, it's a mental story, he was parachuting with his wife

and he tampered with a parachute and then he got charged with attempted murder and it turned out that he'd also tried to do a gas leak to kill her as well previously. Oh my God. And it was Fiona Bruce, big fan of Fiona Bruce. What? The wife?

No, the host. Oh right, fuck it now, I was Fiona Bruce, big fan of Fiona Bruce. What? The wife? No, hosted. Oh, right, fuck it, I was going to say. You've buried the lead. Question time, we've got a couple of questions for you, Fee. I don't care about the Tories. Fiona, what was it like? How do you feel now? She's like, she's very casual on Antiques Roadshow, considering what she's been through.

Oh, she's been through a lot. Look at the way she's looking at that grandfather clock, knowing what she's seen. Anyway, it's a mad documentary. I think it was on ITV ages ago. It's on Netflix now. But yeah, basically, it nearly got off it because he had such coercive control over his wife. When she had to give evidence, she basically went, -"No, I lied." -"Oh, my God."

I tried to fix the gas leak and made it worse. And when I said that he took my parachute to the toilet for 10 minutes, I was lying. No, he didn't. Oh my God. And then I think she still might be in slight denial about it, but I've not, I've not seen the follow up stuff, but men's and also I tell you what, cause this husband was a bit of a weirdo as well as a tempted murder.

He'd go into swingers parties and stuff. And it's very weird feeling at 6am in your child's bed watching Fiona Bruce go to a swingers club and ask a man what a glory hole is as if she don't know. Look, Fiona, casting no aspersions, not saying you use one, not saying you're into kinky shit, but I'm saying is if there's a hole in a toilet wall, you know a dig's going through it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't need to be any super brain for that. Can I ask a question, Rob? Absolutely, I've spoke loads, sorry about that. No, but it's about these documentaries. Yeah. Because this keeps happening to me on Netflix.

Netflix seem to be buying up quite non-Netflixy documentaries. And so you think, oh, this is going to be like a proper Netflix documentary. Yeah. I watched one about a TLC that they clearly bought from like MTV or something. Yeah. They barely had the adverts edited out. It was just total crap. Really?

Yeah. But then I watched, often Fiona Bruce pops up on Netflix now. I think they're little ITV ones that sometimes slip under the radar. Yeah. You know what I mean? But on Netflix, they are very good at repackaging it and making it look like, oh, because I saw that. I was like, he's tried to kill his wife with a parachute for five minutes.

It's 5 a.m. I've got nowhere to be. I'm in. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, it was good. We've got a message, by the way. Okay.

Who from? I got a voicemail on Friday Yeah from formally of this Natalie Cassidy And I don't feel two foot four. So I'm just letting you know, five foot three, five foot four is an average height for a woman. OK, that's all it is. Well, OK, well, apologies, Natalie Cassidy. Well, I've met Natalie Cassidy.

Yeah. And I've met my mum. Yeah. I think I've been very generous to my mum. I'd say she's bald along 411. There's no way Sonia from East End is the same height as my mum. If Natalie Cassidy is 5'3", then my mum's 5'3". Never 5'3". Yeah. So if you're 5'3", Natalie Cassidy, I apologise.

5'3", is an average height for a woman. My mother's tiny. Yeah. She's 5'4", 11'5", I reckon. Do you think? I don't even remember talking about her, right? No, I think it was for me. Oh, you was talking about your mum's height.

I must have been. Well, I talk about my mum's height in my new show. Oh, do you? Yeah, about she wanted a kitchen and she wanted floor to ceiling cupboards. I was like, you have to wait for someone to fucking come round for the top one. You're going to have to get on your husband's shoulder.

Teenagers with a big coat trying to get into cinema. Oh, is that was your mum? Not mine. Sorry. Well, I don't know what we've talked about on here, Rob. I talk so much. I can't keep up with what I've said. Do you want to know what the average height of a woman is, Rob? Yes, please. How is this podcasting? Well, look, we don't know if it is yet. Michael's got to edit it.

The average height of a woman? Oh, for fuck's sake. How tall is the average UK woman? Five foot three. Right, she's right. She's right. Sorry, my mom's a little bit below the height. How tall's Lou?

I'd say five foot six. She's a bit taller than the average woman. She is. Average height for a man. Yeah. Not Lou, I mean. I think average height for a man's five nine. Is it?

Fucking hell, imagine that. Those mean, I think average height for a man's five nine. Is it fucking hell imagine that Those lofty I have ten is it now Jesus Christ, that's men's little guys. Just a couple of little short Kings. How the fuck are people five foot ten on average? What's that like Well, I'm five for eight. What are you five foot seven? Five foot six? Six and a half. I could get away with five foot eight and a half. But I think if you say five

foot eight and a half, it looks needy even though actually, because some people, my height would go five nine, which I would never do because it is definitely five eight and a half max. The problem is we're only going to get smaller because my dad's shrinking at He's sorry. Yeah. He actually had a row with a doctor once. What do you mean?

The doctor went, how tall are you? Five foot eight. And I was like, well, that's fucking bullshit. Cause I'm about two inches tall. And were you there? Yeah. So I was there. I think it was for a medical for something. I can't remember. Anyway, imagine we went about five eight and I was like, well, he's got to be, he's not, he's about five, six. Right. But like he was 5'6", when he was telling the truth in his 30s, you know what I mean? Anyway, he's 80 now. Imagine him, he's like 5'5".

He was fucking living. And then the doctor went, no, no, no, you're 5'5", he went, no, I'm not. The doctor was like, well, you are. He went, no, I'm not. And he showed him, and they said, what's wrong with that? Just was complete denial about the tape measure. It's quite funny. Oh, gosh. Awful.

I don't feel like... I don't think either of us have sort of like small man syndrome, where some people really... It's really obvious. Yeah, it is weird, isn't it? But I think it's more in like their physicality, and they're a bit like aggressive or bump people around or whatever. But it must be very difficult though if you're... Because like we're a bit below average,

but like if you are super small for a man, if you're like five foot two or something like that, it's difficult because like we're a bit below average. But like if you are super small for a man, if you're like five foot two or something like that, it's difficult because like all women say is they want a man is tall, dark and handsome. Yeah, and I'm neither. And there's nothing you could do about your height. And on Love Island, sometimes they walk out now he's too short for me. You're like, well, that's not very kind because you can't be taller. No. And if a little fella come out

and said about a woman now she's too fat for me. Yeah. That would be he's gone. He's gone. That little fellow is getting launched out of it. There's a really funny bit by, oh, is his name Josh Balfe? Oh, comedian. I'm going to get his name. Probably is it Josh Balfe? He does a lot of online stuff, but now he's on the circuit. He's super funny. Yeah. Josh Balfe, B-A-U-L-F. And he's probably about our height, five, seven, five, eight.

He does a really funny bit about being a short king. And he goes into the audience like any other short kings like that. And I'm butchering the bit. He's a really funny guy. You should see him. But he does a bit about the biggest fear of a short man. He's being thrown. And he says about that being if there's a big wind being caught, it would all be caught by the wind. It's a really funny bit. Just gonna see Josh Balf.

There we go. But yeah, sorry Nat Cass. Yeah, sorry. We'll take it all back. Five, three, totally average. There we go. You are totally average. Totally average Cass.

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Copyright 2024. Bacardi. It's trade dress and the bat device are trademarks of Bacardi and Company Limited. Rum 40% alcohol by volume. How's your parenting been this week, Rob? Parenting been, well, I've got judged by my daughter about the car. A car's dirty. I've been away, so the car's got a bit dusty and a bit dirty. She's having a friend over late this week.

She loves organizing. She'll be like, when we have some and so coming over, we're going to do this, we're going to do that. And mommy's going to take those in those car and you're going to take us in this car. Oh, what's that noise? Is that you? It's a band saw outside. The band saw, but a different house. Yeah, it feels quite far away actually. Not that far. It's shocked me mid sentence. But far enough that I can't go around and say, could you stop band sawing and recording a podcast? Four doors down. Imagine that. Sorry, mate. Let's go again. Have are you moving to the countryside? I'm not, mate. You are? I bet you a million pounds I'm not. A million? No, I'm not.

All right, Jake Paul. Maybe it works for me not moving, then. I'm like Conor McGregor. Champagne pappy. There would be no point in me moving, then. I'd have to lend you your back to fill your house. It'd be so expensive to move to the country, then. I'd have to downsize the country,

because I know I'd have to pay you a million pounds basically stamped here. No, it's only because Rose messages me, because we've got a WhatsApp group, haven't we? Yeah. Which is me, you, Rose, Lou, Tom, Alan. And she constantly, not constantly, that's a lie, but she occasionally messaged the group.

She gets annoyed with the city. With Rightmove, the nice photos of houses that are sort of maybe near me or Tom or other places that are a bit further, like not miles out, but sort of like zones five, four or five. Yeah, we've discussed this. We've discussed this. So we keep getting those come through. I've told her to stop. But no, that's fine. But just, I'm just saying that then you wouldn't have the noise.

No, I know. But it's a long way to move to avoid a band saw. What, 20 minutes? No, no, but moving is a lot of effort. True. They've stopped sawing now. Well, exactly. So it's easier just to stay.

That's that problem solved. It's easier just to stay now. Just stay here until they start again. Anyway, no, my daughter said, can you get the car cleaned? It's too dirty for me to have a friend over it. Oh, God. So she complained about how dirty the car. Oh, my God, that was all her shit on the floor. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Oh, yeah, because that's my Winder wrapper. Yeah, I was eating mini cheddars in the boot, was I? Yeah. Does it get in the boot? How do they eat and it gets in the boot? Is it when the windows open and they pick up a mini cheddard at their hand? I've had a car problem, Rob. What's your car problem?

Oh, what's going on with your, yeah, your cloned number plate? So I challenged it. Barking council have come back to me, Rob, to say that they wouldn't accept. So how did you challenge it? So for this, people don't know someone's cloned your number plate. You've brung the police. They gave you what you thought was a crime reference number. It was just a telephone reference number. And you've had a couple of parking

tickets and a couple of speeding tickets. You've sent them to some councils and they've accepted that. They've cleared me. Which councils are they? Hackney. Big up Hackney. And no, the other one was insurance claim that has gone away. But barking council are refusing to accept your excuse and explanation that that was not your car. Barking and Dagenham to give them their full name. It always goes wrong when they team up, Cameron Clegg, Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck. Always goes wrong when they team up.

So Barking are unwilling to accept, right? So I went back to them, I said, I was not in Barking at 3 a.mam on the morning of May the 12th. Yeah. I know that. And then I said, I have my wife as a witness. Here is her phone number. She was in Cornwall, but we did speak on the phone.

No, she was there. My mother-in-law was also in the house. She can confirm that I went to bed. So you are claiming I've got up out of bed. And then I said, attached is a podcast in which I discuss what I did that weekend. Before you even got the-

Before I even got the fine. It was my son's birthday on the Saturday. On the Sunday, we went to Hamleys, you might remember that Rob, at 9 a.m. Yeah, yeah, big time. Which was hell of a thing to do if I was embarking Rob, at 9am. Yeah, yeah, yeah, big time. Which was hell of a thing to do if I was in Barking at 3am. Yeah, no one needs to leave their house and go east towards Barking to turn round to go back into town to Hamleys, do they? No.

Who does that? Exactly, Rob. Have they let you send you the video to see? They've sent me four photos of a black car in the dark. Sure, cool. Where you can't see the driver, you can't see the car really. Yeah? Yeah.

So I said, I've discussed my full weekend, including falling asleep on the sofa. I didn't mention going to barking at 3am. That's what you would do. I wrote the words, we're crying out for that kind of content. That's how bread and butter, we live and breathe for that shit. Yeah. If I'd given them barking at 3am, I'd have led with that mate. Would have been the episode title. Exactly. They haven't accepted my challenge Rob. So they've just said no. They've just said no again, even though I've got witnesses that I was here. Yeah.

So you're in this situation where you're like, surely the burden of proof is on them. We're taken to court. Do you think I should? I think you should do a documentary. I think you should get Amazon Prime around and film me like Clarkson. Present your evidence at the council.

I just, I feel so petty, but I don't want to pay the 130 quid. It's so out of order. Because you've been, you're a victim of crime, essentially. The police have sort of confirmed. But the police at the moment just don't do anything about crime. They go, yeah, that's happened. See you later. All the best.

Can't give you a crime reference. Can't go and get the car. Can't get the number plate. Even though they'll fucking be like rat up a drain pipe, if you don't pay congestion charge, they'll know your movements throughout the whole of London. But when it's trying to find a false number plate, they want to know. I said about this on Instagram,

someone's given me the email address of the head of Barking Council. Oh, here we go. And I was like, I'm not going to detonate that. But now they've refused to accept my challenge. I think you have to. You think I should go to the top? Have I gone mad? Have I become one of those mad people? I think you go to the top and also as well Josh. I haven't also I haven't tagged them in on Instagram. I thought do I become that guy that tags him barking and dagging council? I think go through the right channels and if not then it

could do a Joe Lyset and hammer them in the public. Well, I think I'm doing that now, to be honest. Email the guys. I worked at Bromley Council. OK, yeah. What I'd say is the old celeb off the telly, Josh Whitcomb, charm don't work here, baby. This isn't a table at Peter Express. These guys have rules and they love them. Do you think it's actually actively damaging me? I've included the podcast. Do you think they saw that as damaging me? That I've included the podcast?

Do you think they saw that as an affront? No, not- They didn't even engage. When they refused my challenge, they didn't even engage with the podcast. They didn't mention. Our impressions didn't even go up. No one listened. Michael, can you check if we've got any listeners embarking on Friday?

At 3am on the 12th of May. Okay, you mean two minutes. As if someone was listening to your pod drive in your number plate. No, I got the reply on Saturday and I'd sent the thing on Wednesday. So the end of last week did the episode about, what was the episode called? No, we don't know. Michael don't even know. He did, he told me and he was right.

It was talking about my bin stinks, was it that one? It was called my bin stinks. Oh my bin stinks or garage stinks. Bin stinks. My garage stinks it was called. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Rob, where I'm lucky enough that I could afford to pay this and it could all go away. You shouldn't have to. But I shouldn't have to. And I've gone mad. And I went back down. Email the top of the account. I think you go for it. Ring a counsellor. The counsellor's numbers are on the counsellor. And also it doesn't matter. It's barking and daggering them. You're never living there. Fuck them. There's nothing they can do. You're out of their jurisdiction. I've never even fucking been there, let alone at 3am.

I wouldn't start a row with your local council in case you need something in the future. Like a new bin. You're planning or something. Yeah. Planning or a new bin. I think go for it. Do you know what? I'm behind you. We're all behind you. Michael, did the garage stinks get a listener embarking at the end of last week? I'm just running the reports. Give me a few minutes. He's not actually doing it, is he?

Can you find it out that much? Oh my god. Look at this. Data harvested. Data harvested. The Cambridge one. Was it the Cambridge one? Right. Tell me a bit more about your life. About my life. Well, I'm a plucky little chubby youngster. I've got one blocked up nose. Don't know if that's news. What? One half? Just one nose. That one there. I always get one blocked. I don Don't know if that is news. What? One half? Just one nose. That one there.

I always get one blocked. I don't know if it's hay fever. Do you breathe through both nostrils? Well yeah, when I can. I normally just do one at a time. Fuck off. You meant what? I think everyone does.

Like some sort of Victorian freak show. No, no, I don't alternate. Yeah, I think I've just got one going. I think I'm just using the left one. All the time. Well, certainly at the moment. And then if I cover the left, the right kicks in. It's like my backup nostril. Now both my nostrils take in air all the time. And then when I

think I'm just a lefty, you've got a problem. What a cool barking council. That will you I think you might have a sinus problem. What a cool barking council. I bet you might have a sinus problem. No wait, do humans breathe through both nostrils? Yes, that's what they do. It's not a spare tire on the back of a car. The airflow between both nostrils is not always equal. The airflow into one nostril is often greater than the other due to a process... I Oh, I'm engaging in some nasal cycle, Rob. What's nasal cycle?

People breathe mostly out of one nostril at a time. At any given time, people do 75% of their breathing through one nostril, 25% as the other. Yeah, but they're both going... You're implying that nothing's going up the other. Oh, it's definitely way less. I just assumed, for me, that it's 50-50 in each nostril, right? But obviously, some nostrils can be more powerful than the other. Oh, it's definitely way less. I just assumed for me that it's 50 50 in each nostril right. But obviously some nostrils be more powerful than the other. But are you saying nothing's going up one and then you sweat when that one get the other one gets tired, you switch

to the other. No, no, I don't switch. No, my nostrils don't get tired. What do you mean it gets build that makes his tits go up and down like that. You do that with your nose. Never get that bodybuilders. They're like, go to to the gym just a massive tits. I'm like, oh, it's awful. Isn't it? So why do you want passive rock hard tits? What day was it Josh? Sorry for the barking. It would be Thursday or Friday. I gave them a timestamp as well. So they won't need to listen to the whole episode. I would say there was a bit of a spike on Monday the fifth. No, it wasn't Monday the fifth. Friday the fifth, do you mean? Bantle's back. Whatever the fifth of July was, I don't know what day of the week it was. That's Friday. Okay. There was a very

slight spike that day compared to previous release days on a Friday. Embarking. Specifically embarking compared to previous Fridays, I would say half a dozen more people listened that day. So I don't know how big the team is at Barking Council. I think it's been shared around their office. So they have listened. I didn't know we could do that. Yeah. Michael, if I give you my ex-girlfriend's addresses, can you let me have a listen?

So they have listened and they've still just, you've got to go to the top. It's bullshit. You can't carry on like this. I'm the last angry man. Anyway, you've lost all your nostrils. Not their matters because people breathe through mainly one nostril anyway. Yeah, exactly. That's made me feel better actually.

So another one, I'm wearing this football shirt, right? I've got loads of those retro football shirts. I just don't know if I can wear them or not, Josh. Because like, are you allowed to wear them? When can you wear them? Basically, the only way you can wear them socially acceptably at my age is at a game or a music festival. Yes. When else can I put holiday? Could I wear one on holiday? How many have you got? You've got fucking loads of them. I could open a shop. Don't they smell? Some of them smell. But I wash them and then they don't smell. Because you can't wear them playing football. No, I never want to play. Because you can't wear them playing football.

No, no, no. I never want them playing actual football because you just ruin them with stuff. Yeah, exactly. As you get older, your BO, it's almost like carbon gas, where once it exists, it just never goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got like tops of way to the gym that I wash, and once I've washed them, they're clean and they smell nice.

But as soon as I have one drop of sweat, it activates the old smell again. That's exactly what happens. It like heats it up. I think it's the heating up. Yeah, I think so too. So I can't get too hot or sweaty in them because then they stink because they are Yeah, yeah. another person's clothes. I've told you about the worst smell I ever smelled. Yeah, I

have. I remember that conversation. Go on mate, we're four years in. If you haven't, what you planning? Yeah, exactly. Sorry. Sorry. My mistake. Worst smell you've ever seen? Okay. I remember that conversation. Go on, mate. We're four years in. If you haven't, what you're playing at. Yeah, exactly. Sorry. Sorry. My mistake. Worst smell you've ever seen. Okay. I was gonna say, what's the worst thing you've ever seen? But I think that's too dark. Yeah, that's too dark. That's too dark. Well, I'm just thinking about terrible things, obviously.

Oh, God. Oh, another thing. So, oh, my daughters wrote a poem, okay. Yeah. For a school competition. Is this the one you went to watch them perform? No, that's separate. Fucking hell, they're poetry mad, aren's Sepro. And that one's... Fucking hell, they're poetry mad, aren't they?

Well, that one's like... It's called elocution. It's not really elocution. They give them poems and they read out loud, but they sort of enunciate on it. And they changed the name of it, actually, because it actually put a lot of people off because they thought it was going to be like P's and Q's and it's not like that.

They just, they read a poem, but they learn how to deliver it in a sort of quite dramatic way on stage. Right, right, right. And it sort of really builds her confidence. Anyway, so they did that one and then they had to write a poem. Yeah. My eight-year-old had to write a poem.

She was trying to write it and then my younger daughter, who's six, came up with some of the ideas of it and then they sort of wrote it together. And then I sort of helped with the line at the end. I thought it was just a bit of homework. And then actually it wasn't, it was for a competition that they've won. Oh no. But only the eldest can put a name down. But the six year old wrote, but she's been quite chilled about it.

It was like, no, we all wrote together, blah, blah, blah. It's fine. Has she won? Well, yeah, but it's one of those books where she's done well to get in, but there's, it's a book full of other poems from other kids at other schools. It's not like one poem, but it's going to get published in a book and it's part of this book that's getting published. You can't credit it to both kids. No, because it's going to get published in a book. And it's part of this book that's getting published.

You can't credit it to both kids. No, because it was for eight year olds. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. Like Rodney with the Groovy Gang. Well, no, actually it's the opposite. It was actually the bigger problem with the poem that the six year old sort of came up with the idea of it is the bleakness of it and that she may need some sort of mental help. It's called nightmares. Oh no.

I'm gonna read it to you. Nightmares, nightmares, screaming pain. Fucking hell. Blood is coming from your brain. What, are you serious? All my life. Fuck off. Suffer, suffer, nightmares again.

Monsters crawling up your sleeve. Please don't harm me. Please don't eat me. Please don't come back tomorrow in my bed. I need calmness in my head. Yeah, Robbie. I don't think they should be publishing this. Did you add the line?

I need calmness in my head. Yeah, so just to try and bring it around a bit. So to round it off, because basically they got to don't harm me, please don't eat me, please don't come back tomorrow in my bed. And then I added that line at the end to sort of finish it off. That is insane. Well, it's not insane. It's incredibly creative.

I wouldn't mind so much if she went to bed at night and slept. Jeremy, that's the worry of God. Can I just ask a question? This poetry anthology, is there like a theme? No, no, no. All the other ones about unicorns, fluffy dogs, chickens. Why are they... Qualitively, I get why they've accepted it.

It's very well done. I only did that line at the end because they didn't know how to finish it, but they wrote the rest of it. Yeah. But I'd say if my child had a poem in there and I was leafing through and I saw that one, I would go, fuck it, now. Are you worried social services are going to get involved? Well, what I would say, they just go for that book and pick a couple of cases. And take away the wrong daughter. Yeah. I'm all right.

She'll come home from school like, yes, actually, it's just sort of counseling with a school nurse today. The other one's out in the garden. I would say that. The other one's out in the garden torturing a squirrel. Got a magnifying glass on the hand. What I would say is though, the positives I'm taking for that is, if you can't sleep and you are stressed or whatever,

it's better to be honest and express that rather than keeping it inside. Yeah, totally. There's nothing that we can change about that, but at least if you can express that's how you're feeling, then we can work it out. But she seems quite a happy child. Have you talked to her about it? Well, we talked to her about that. But we'll at least if you could express that's how you're feeling, then we can work it out. But she seems quite happy, Joel. Did you have you talked to her about it?

Well, we talked about that she gets nightmares at night, but it's her brains. She's got very active imagination. Her brain's going 1000 miles an hour. So we're hoping it might just be a age thing where, you know, they sort of go through different ages where they all of a sudden understand the concept of death and it keeps them awake for a few weeks and then they calm down. So it's like, as they grow, they have slight regressions, even at that age where stuff's going on in their head

and they're aware of stuff. Apart from like, the sea bug, she's been doing really well with going to bed and stuff in her own bed and not waking up in the night. So she's just going through phases, but I think she'll just grow out of it. But yeah, it's quite a full-on poem, that. Yeah. But I've got loads of mental stuff

that I wrote when I was a kid. I really... I don't know if I've read it to you. My brother Joe actually sent me one that he found. I don't know where he found it. Must be at my mom and dad's house. Oh, it is one. It's called Guess Who? Yeah.

I don't know how old it was. He comes in, sits down in his armchair and demands, what did you recall me last night then? Nothing. But I wanted Red Wall for the far show. But you didn't ask. You should have known he stays sitting, waiting and waiting. It's about my dad.

Yeah, I thought it was about your dad. Yeah. Well, he used to come home and moan if we hadn't recorded stuff when he was out. That was quite a good poem, actually. I was very vivid. I'm not sure if you became a performance poet. Have you heard this poem called I Can't Be That that I wrote? No. 1997, so it'd have been 11. I'll try and work for it because

it's so it's all crossed out. It's like I'm mad. Look at the state of that. That's all crosses for it. Look. Neat writing though. You Can't Be That and this was the 3rd of July 1997. Towards the end of the year. I told them when I grow up, I'm going to be, I told them when I grow up, I'm going to be Batman. No, Jesus was Batman. No, that was Bruce Wayne. I'm going to be an actor like Bruce Wayne. I told them when I grow up, I'm going to be a golfer or present match of

the day. No, I'm going to get red and yellow cards. I'm going to play... And Vinnie Jones is crossed out. This is quite kind of experimental, this one. I told them when I grow up, I'm going to be an actor or an author. Now, I'm going to be Scrooge McDuck, and I'm going to swim in my money. But loads of these have got, like, crossed out there. But I think this is the actual bit of the poem.

I told them when I grow up, I'm going to be a vet and make sick animals better or a fashion designer and have top models model for me. That's not true. I'm going to be a cabbie and know every backstreet in the book. They said, you can't be that. No, you can't be that.

I asked them, just what do you think I am? Just a child, they said. They don't understand me. I'll be a butcher if I want. I'll be a comedian. Yes. They do not realize I can fulfill any ambition. They do not realize among them walks a magician.

Whoa! I love it. How did you not realize I was fucking mental at that point? Ha ha ha ha! That is mania on the page. What do you think is positive that you've hosted the BAFTAs rather than committed a string of murders? Well, yeah, I think I'd very much have been my bonnet at a young age where I think at

the kind of school I went to in the era I grew up in, there's a lot of you can't do, you can't do and it made me want to. Yeah, yeah, that came across, Rob. Don't worry about that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I do is a few bits of nuance. Right. Anyway, that's the poetry corner done. Right. They said you can't read some small business shout out. You can't do that. Oh, God. Yeah. I think I sit down. I fuck. I have a sit down with a couple of new. Right. Small business. Here we go. I can read out this.

Thanks for the podcast. Like everyone else. I love it. Well, not everyone. Today I launched my very small business. Was it a bandsaw? Nothing I can do about it. Which I think you'll both be into. You know those weekends where you've got three kids birthday parties? Enter the party draw. Wrapped gifts all under £10. They come with a blank card for your child to customise.

So you're all set to go. You don't even have to find the sellotape. I'm in Toles Hill and deliver on my bike to all S postcodes. You're not an S postcode, are you? But I also post to North of the River and UK wide. Oh, not SC, just S postcode. S, www.thepartydraw, D-R-A-W-E-R, like man draw or Tupperware draw,.co.uk, insta at party draw D R A W E R like man draw or Tupperware draw.co.uk Insta at party draw. So they mean S C S W. Yes.

Which says O B S because there isn't actually an S. No, yeah, yeah. It's all South post codes. Wrapped gifts for children three to four. It's a lovely website. It's a lovely website. Lovely bit of stuff. What a good idea. What a good website. What an annoying time for a band saw to kick in. Hi, Rob, Josh and Big Mike.

Big Mike, you got there, Mike. Mike is big. He's five foot 10. Yeah. Are you five or 10 Mike or taller than that? I'm taller than that. Oh, here we go. Come on, big dude. Here we go. Above average. I'm 11, six foot.

Well, with no hair, six foot on the nose. I used to say six one when I had hair, but that was a long time ago. Six one when I had hair. What hair style did you have? It was Gile, a street fighter. That's genuinely what I was about to say. How bizarre. If you went up from R4, you would have said it at the same time.

Exactly. That's my only reference of Jedwood probably been better. So six one with hair Michael, yeah? No, six really, but I used to say six one. Bit of fun. Okay. Everyone goes up an inch, doesn't they? Big Mike Stanton. Hi Rob and Josh and Big Mike when he had hair. Can we have a small business shout out to M and M Glass in Hemel Hempstead? M and M are a small family run business. Surely that name's causing problems then?

You'd think, wouldn't you? Of course, M and M Spools, M and M Sweets and M and M Glass. Anyway, M and M are a small fan run business specialising on all your glazing needs from splashbacks, double glazing, front doors, bifolds, shower screens, and glass balustrade, to name a few. What's a splashback? I don't know, I'm still struggling with balustrade.

Splashback's like what you put when you've got a cooker. Sometimes they put glass so it doesn't go on your wall and you can wipe it. Even Alan the short-wearing but six-jumpers retired guy will be cleaning the glass whilst watching Pottery Throwdown. I don't even know what that means. We met Rob last night in Hemel Hempstead on his warm-up gig. Oh, maybe that's a reference to the gig, but I've already forgot that now, I feel bad.

Oh, no. Let me redo this. Even Alan the sure we're in but six jumpers retire girl be cleaning the glass whilst eating botched botchery's throat. Oh yeah. No, I remember that now as a guy who had shorts on but loads of jumpers and I said what you got cold? Cold top, hot bottom. Yeah. Come and see me on tour for more hot stuff like that. Yeah that's good stuff actually. We met Rob last night in Hemel Hempstead. When did I do Hemel Hempstead? On his Walmart gig, that was ages ago.

Appreciate a shout out for my husband's business, M&M Glass, Hemel Hempstead, Lauren Breed, mum of two girls, Maddie and Pippa. There we go. There we bloody go. Josh, I'll see you on Friday. I hope you feel a bit better. Oh God, I feel fucking crap.

I can't even teem my way through it, Rob. Why can't you have tea? Because I'm buzzing so much from the caffeine that the tea's actually not. There is not caffeine in tea and anyone that has a cup of tea and buzzes off it needs to sort their fucking life out, mate. There's no caffeine. It's absolute bollocks that there's tea and caffeine. I can't see it compared to coffee.

No, I agree. Absolute joke. Normally I'll have a cup of tea and I want it but now I'm like, oh, I can't't I'm buzzing too much No, it's that equivalent of putting a teaspoon of salt in the swimming pool and go bloody salty water in there I know but I'm not enjoying the tea because I'm buzzing already. Right. Okay buzzing out of buzzsaw. Josh. I'll see you on Friday Who is the most impressive Welsh person? What's the best thing to wear on your feet? And what supermarket would Jesus shop at? Guestamators, the weekly interactive quiz show is back for a brand new series with me Andy Bush and our quiz master, Statman Matt.

We've surveyed the nation and now we're grilling our celebrity guests to see if they can tap into the collective brains of Britain. Past guests include Lloyd Griffith. If you're taking that into the shower, I mean I know the NHS is stretched but go and see your doctor. Mel Gedroych. I've never been asked to join a pub quiz team because I think people really detest the way I become.

Bryony Gordon. Like we just spent 15 minutes talking about how long the guest donation spends on the loo, you know? That's not normal. Nick Helm. As Italians go, he's probably a bit more famous than Pablo Picasso, isn't he? If you put your post on the floor, you'll end up poor. That's the rhyme. Everyone knows it.

To listen to the show and play along at home, you know what to do. Go to guestamators.com. Hello, I'm Marcus Brigstock. And I'm Rachel Paris. This is How Was It For You, a review based podcast. We're going to be asking each other, how was it for you? It was pretty good, Rachel. About all sorts of different things. Things we've eaten. Things we've seen. Places we've been. Things we've smelled. People we've met sometimes. Those will be, we'll have to talk about them without giving away who they were. And that will be the challenge you

as a listener can enjoy. Exactly. You can get all of the episodes in the places where podcasts are.