Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP57: Boot-cut or skinny jeans?

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond... with Rob and Josh. This episode we get through some more of your brilliant correspondence (keep them coming to the email below!) and MIchael tests Rob and Josh on a quiz set by a listener... Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday.  Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Exec Producer: Michael Marden Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Can you say Josh Whitcomb? Josh Whitcomb.

And Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Yay! It's a very happy positive mum that. Very happy positive mum. This is my son. Oh wow, what a great name. This is my son Otis DeAngelo.

Wow. Otis DeAngelo. Otis DeAngelo. Dancing the towel chart. It's Otis DeAngelo. Wow. Otis DeAngelo. Otis DeAngelo. Dancing the Tile Chart. It's Otis DeAngelo who's just turned two. Do you know what though? They don't, they're like very like cool names. Is that his surname? DeAngelo, not D little dash.

It's D apostrophe Angelo. That's it, apostrophe not dash. Yeah. DeAngelo. This is my son, Otis DeAngelo, who's just turned two. Otis doesn't sound like a DeAngelo name, does it? No, because Otis, I'd associate Otis with kind of the Caribbean. I was thinking more like Australian. Otis. Would you? I don't know why. Well, you know, I'm not going to fight back by doing a Caribbean accent. No,

Rob, it's Caribbean. Let me give you an idea of what it would sound like in a Caribbean accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you were calling your pal Otis on the Caribbean, Rob, it's Caribbean. Let me give you an idea of what it would sound like in a Caribbean accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, if you were calling your pal Otis on the Caribbean, Josh, what would you say? Well, I wouldn't put on the accent, obviously, Rob. If I was on the Caribbean, I'd probably affect a more posh British accent, if anything. Go on, then. I'm not saying...

Otis. Otis. Otis de Angelo. De Angelo is Italian, presumably, is it? Love it. Love the podcast, Started listening in lockdown and cracking up as was a teacher and finding it too funny with everyone's struggles. Cheers, mate. Thank you for the podcast.

Daisy Oakley from Lee Green. Lee Green. Oh, me? Yeah, Lewisham, but she's just moved to the Kent coast. Oh, lovely stuff. What abouts? Did she say? No. But her email's here if you wanna email her. Well, it'd be weird, wouldn't it? If I just said emailing people just because they grew up near me.

We were looking at buying in Lee Green when we were trying to buy a house, but you couldn't get fucking anything. It's so expensive and Lee Green's all right, but it ain't like Lee Green is more of a Lewisham name than OJester Angelo, isn't it? What's your name? Lee Green. Lee Green? Lee Green, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, theyis de Angelo, isn't it? What do you know? Lee Green. Lee Green?

Lee Green, yeah, yeah, yeah. They live on the ring road, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then that's why I moved to Bromley because for the same price, I could get a drive in a garden. Did we used to have an edge, Rob? When we were young whippersnappers on Mock the Week. Well, yeah. I still don't think we had an edge.

Making fun of Ed Miliband. Me, you, Hugh Dennis talking about a picture of Eric Pickles. Yeah, but then I think Chris Addison and me, if you had to pick someone with an edge, it's me. Yeah, yeah. I love Chris, lovely guy, but he's not on edge, Lord. I like Chris, but I couldn't believe he was still wearing bootcut in 2012. The bootcut? All I remember about starting comedy

was the bootcuts in my way. Oh, my gosh. Get those bootcuts out of my way and let me get on that mine. Did you? The boot cut? All I remember about starting comedy was the boot cuts in my way. Oh my gosh. Get those boot cuts out my way and let me get on that mine. Did you ever wear boot cuts? Well I think I actually wore, I don't think they were boot cuts.

They wore me. No, I think I had like one pair years ago, but I think I actually did wear them with boots, hence the cut. But no, I never wore them. I was always the skinny jean generation of, gee that was what was popular when I was growing up. Yeah, I went boot cut too long my friend, boot cut too long.

You had boot cuts? Yeah. Yeah, I remember. Because all I remember seeing was the end of your converse, nevertheless. When I think of you, I think of a cardigan and the end of a converse. Fucking hell. Actually, the boot cuts were, it was more of a technical art McClane with the people, I'm not the weak, because the way they had to march towards that microphone, you needed the extra space between your

your shin bone and your foot, so you would swing. I was struggling in skinny jeans. I couldn't get there in time. I was happy not to get there. Fuck it all. I hated that. I hated that round. Are we going to be the old men that talk about like Not The Week? Like old people now go, remember the Goon Show?

Yeah, we are, Rob. We are. Fucking hell. What a pair of sad old bastards. What has become of me? Yeah, but, well, what's the other option? I don't know, like, mooning someone from a bus. Yeah, I mean, that, I still think is good fun, but that is, you could get cancelled for that.

Would I get cancelled if I got photographed pulling a moonie? Well it depends how it's written, isn't it? So this is two angles of it. There's one angle I don't want. Comedy funny man, Josh Widicombe, Devon's finest was up to high jinx. Yeah. They don't use it anymore. Hijinks after celebrating his England's win of the Euros by mooning to fans from a passing car.

Yeah, fun. Then it depends who else has written it. And they go, 42-year-old father. 41. Whatever. Josh Widicombe revealed his anus to a crowd of youngsters from a car. As he screamed and laughed as he drank booze. Seeing as Josh was sober for two years,

close friends have informed us that they're worried about his current behaviour and health. Do you think if I was mooning, Rob, it would be more worrying if I hadn't started drinking? Yeah, I think if you just got your ass out and slapped it on a cup of tea, people would be like, this guy's off the hook. This guy's off the Richter here. He's off the chain. Were you a moonie guy? No, I'm not really a moonie.

I love a moonie. Yeah. It depends how a moonie's done, because think moony's need to be done by younger people without the risk of making me sound like a pedophile. When I say young people, I mean like 20s, not. The danger of a moony for an older man is the sag of the bollock can really overshadow the moony, to the point where you go, oh, there's an arson,

now there's a disgusting sort of bedraggled, starved chicken hanging there. I told you that happened on holiday, didn't I, with the girls? What? Well, this bloke got out of the swimming pool, my girls were in like the shallow thing just playing around laughing, and then all of a sudden they were just stopped still, staring ahead, and then an old man had got like out of the swimming pool, was facing like, there was no way in front, he was like on the edge of the pool area, so he was facing like a bush,

so no one could see, but he had his back to the pool, but just whipped his trunks down. So like his ass was out and I'm like, right, okay, I know it's not your junk, but you still just can't get your ass out in front, I know you're facing away, but have someone hold a towel. And then that was sort of okay, but no, it wasn't okay, but and then he leant down, bent down to pull his trousers up because he was old and fat.

His bollocks was hanging down. I heard my daughter's go, oh, from the pole. It's just not okay. It's not okay. Not okay, but yeah, moonying. Why did we get onto moonying? Oh, I don't know.

Right, we've got loads of correspondence to get through, Josh, okay? Yeah, yeah, okay, let's do it. Let's take this by the sc loads of correspondents to get through, Josh. Yeah, yeah. Okay, let's do it. Let's take this by the scruff of the neck and perform at our highest level. Right, well, someone sent in a quiz though. Should we save the quiz till the end? Someone sent in a parenting hell quiz about the podcast because we can't remember anecdotes

we've done or things we've spoken about. So we asked if anyone was sending a quiz, we'll try and do the quiz. And obviously people can play along at home as well. Okay, great. If they want to. But we'll save that. Do you want a couple of boomer parentings? Yeah, do you want to start with some boomering and then I'm gonna, we've got some stuff about whether it's possible to slip on a banana skin. Absolutely, I love it. Tell you what, this has turned out as a lovely little recall,

this is. Here we go. Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. Love listening to the pod. I've just had a coffee actually, I feel like I'm flying now. Yeah, good, good, good.. Love listening to the pod. I've just had a coffee actually, I feel I'm flying now. Yeah, good, good, good. I'm back in the game. Love listening to the pod, especially Boomer parenting stories. I always thought I didn't have a story that would qualify for Boomer parenting until I uncovered some 10 out of 10 childhood Boomer related trauma when talking to one of my parent friends recently. I was six years old when my dad surprised me with the trip to Disneyland Paris. I was so excited and the start of the trip was great but like any six-year-old some of the rides were a bit intense so naturally we did spend most of our time on It's a Small World. Eventually however dad must have

lost interest in these rides and decided to head to Thunder Mountain. He sat me on top of a bin that was on the way to the ride and told me to stay there until he was back. No. I thought he was going to take her on Thunder Mountain. He's left her on a bin, Josh. She's six. He put his six-shot on a bin

and said, I'll be back in a bit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Then proceeded to walk on a bin, to walk outside, queue up for the ride and go on it by himself. I can't remember being that bothered by it, but knowing the queue times in Disneyland he must have been gone for a fair amount of time. Fucking hell. I like to think that most parents would have seen me on their return, realised their mistake and not done it again. But not for Boomer Dad. He saw it as proof that his method worked and proceeded to head to his next ride. No.

Fuck off. That's mad. He did the same method, parked me on top of a bin and went to his next ride. No. Fuck off. That's mad. He did the same method, parked me on top of a bin, and went on the next roller coaster. I brought this up to my dad recently, who confessed to leaving me. And his right to reply in true Buma form was, oh, I guess I'm just what?

Oh, here we go. Bit of gaslighting blame. Oh, I guess I'm just the worst dad in the world then, aren't I? Yeah. Not the worst, but it still doesn't make- No, no, no, Joseph Fritzl. Well, exactly, yeah.

Yeah. It's still not okay. No, it's not a competition, like- Yeah, no, if I rob a bank, that is bad, but if I rub sandwiches for a shop, that's still bad. Yeah. I didn't get caught by the shop owner and go, oh, I suppose I'm the worst burglar in the world, am I?

No, you just burgled me, give me my fucking sandwich back and I won't ring the police. Exactly. Anyway, this is from Matilda from Maldon, Essex. Right, Josh, you're not really a theme park guy. No, I hate him. This is mental.

Well, I understand the concept. The headline is not the concept of a theme park, it's what the dad's done, isn't it? Yeah, that's what I mean. No, I understand the concept of what he's done. It doesn't matter whether I'm a theme park guy or not. I think that what he's done- Well, no, because there is a way around this, Josh. I'll go on. So there is a way where if you've got a go on. So there's a way where if you've got a baby or something, there's a couple you can do a thing like say there's you know you've got a

baby be both like rides and the baby's too small for the ride. Yeah. Or the child is too small. So what you do is two of you queue up. Yeah. In the normal queue and then when you get there, one of the parents stands to the side with the baby. Yeah the other goes on. One person goes on the ride and then that one gets off, takes the baby, that one gets on. So you sort of queued up, but you go on the ride after, right? That works.

There's also a thing called single rider lines, right, where you basically go straight in because you fill the gap. So you can get on if you want to go on your own and not in a group, okay? Sad coming on. Surely, surely he could have queued up in the single rider line.

And when he got to the front to say, hey, she's not going on, can she stand with you while I do the ride? Yeah, cause it's not like, you know the bit where it says, you've got to be 1.1 meters or whatever. Yeah. It's not like you go,

you're not allowed to be on that sign. You're allowed to be on that sign, you're just not allowed on the ride. You're allowed to queue up. Because also you can queue up in a single rider one, because if they've got all this two of you, you can go, well, she's not on the ride, so I allowed to queue up. Because also you can queue up in a single rider one because if they got all this two of you you can go well she's not on the ride so I'm going to be the single rider so you go on when there's a gap but I don't know but that is not okay. No not okay. That is the thing where when

you have kids it does make you reflect on your life and how you feel about things because she'll have children now and be like oh yeah we're going to the theme park next week so what do you do when they're going to ride? Do we just leave them on the bin? Pardon? No, you don't just leave them on the bin, Matilda. She's like, no, but that's what we did. That's not okay, Matilda. Do you want another boom? Should I do you slipping on a banana peel

and then you do me? Give me a quick slip. G'day, lads. We had quite a lot of slip on bananas. Yeah. Rob, regarding the segment where your daughter pulled you up for throwing a banana peel out the window. Yeah. I think what you're looking for is the old hiking stroke outdoor adventure is saying. If it doesn't grow there, it doesn't go there. If it's native to the

area or close enough, then you're good to go. Anything else should be disposed of appropriately. So they've got apple core corn, Kent, tick. Right. Banana peel on any UK country lane, cross. Right. Porridge, that's a line ball, best to gobble it all up. I don't know what a line ball is, but I agree with that, yeah.

Cheers, Chris in Perth, Australia. Why does it make a difference whether it grows there or not? Invasive sort of nutrients and stuff. Oh, I see, yeah. But what about stuff that's in sort of fertilizer and plant food stuff that's not always grown in the right area and then that's put into the ground,

isn't it? Yeah. So is that not compost? Yeah, I don't know. But if the saying is, if it doesn't grow there, It doesn't go there. It doesn't go there. Okay, well, Joe, what?

That is the last banana peel I'm throwing out the window. But if you're doing magic mushrooms and you want to dispose of your mushrooms that'll be fine in a field in the UK. What happens if you just eat mushrooms that grow in your garden? You know them little weird mushrooms, are they the bad ones? I think you have to boil up magic mushrooms or dry them. I'm not sure whether you can just eat them.

But then I worry my dogs are eating them and that's why they're so mental. No I don't think your dogs are high on magic mushrooms. Okay they're just annoying. Yeah. All right, that's me told then. I take that on the chin and move forward, Josh. Yeah. Do you want a weird kids hobbies and interests?

Yeah, go on. Hi, Rob and Josh. Feel free to send some in for these different segments. I'm just listening to the episode where you talked about weird hobbies or interests, and it reminded me of when I used to babysit for a family down the road. The first time I looked after the kids,

I was given the standard instructions by the parents before they left, of which was to press play on the youngest kid, age five to six, his CD player, when he was put to bed. So come bedtime, I follow the instructions to the letter. That's an exciting, tantalizing way to write a letter, isn't it? Because we know there's going to be a reveal.

It's a beautiful setup to a payoff. Obviously, this babysitter, Belinda Lewis, who's emailed in Belinda, she's not at a peak either. So it's just as a surprise to her as it is to us when she presses play. How old's the kid? Five or six. So I follow the instructions to the letter.

I put them to bed and I press play on the CD player. So far, so normal. Except when I press play on the CD player, as I left the room, I was confronted by the booming voice of Shaggy. Mr Bombastic, to be exact. Turns out the kid only slept listening to Shaggy's album every night and wouldn't sleep without these dulcet turns. Mr. Mombastic. That is mad. It's even soothing, isn't it? It's so not sleeping music. Well, neither's Mamma Mia really, but we had that for two years in our house.

Fucking hell, that done my nut in there. We might be going to the Mamma Mia experience at the O2, have you seen that? No. I'm just worried they're going to fall asleep. Have you taken them to see Abba Voyage? No, I haven't done Abba Voyage. I love it Rob, it's great. The one at the O2 is like from the films, it's like a Greek taverna with loads of singing waiters and stuff. I think oh bad. I've hardcore that in it

I couldn't face that that is hardcore hen doville. Yeah, do an instant regret story. Oh, yeah Yeah, I've got somebody slipped on a banana peel as well. Oh, yes, please give me that and I'll give you some instant regret Hi, Rob Josh and Michael I was listening to the podcast where Rob threw a banana skin in a bush and just said no one slips on a banana peel well dot dot dot dot dot. I was in Amsterdam for my partner's 30th birthday. All was going well. We had a birthday meal in a Michelin-styled restaurant.

Happy days. Ooh. Surely they didn't. In my head, stepping on the banana peel straight into the canal. But surely not. I came out of the restaurant ready to party into the night, crossed the road, slipped in the middle of it, tried to get up. Oh fucking hell.

I realised very quickly my leg was broken. Oh God. Long story short, the police and ambulance called, the road shut down and as we were waiting for an ambulance drive, the police officer telling me off dad jokes, he then says, you slipped on a banana skin. And I'm like, yeah, haha, good joke. He then says, no slipped on a banana skin. And I'm like, yeah, haha, good joke. He then says, no, look, you actually slipped

on a banana skin and points out a banana a single step away from my foot. Got to hospital, I had broken both my tibia and fibula on a banana. I was so embarrassed, I told everyone I slipped on a slippery road. I had an operation metal rod inside on my 30th birthday And my 30th birthday ruined. Oh

Both myself and my partner avid listeners. No kids, but still love the pod keep making us laugh every week Nikola and her Fiance Michelle I think that might have been a sort of calmer for humble bragging and they went to mission-starred restaurant Yeah, too right. Unnecessary information there. I hope that the Michelin-starred restaurant was serving a banana-based dish and throwing the bananas out of the window of the kitchen. Well, I'm sorry, that sounds very horrible and painful,

but what a great story and you're stronger because of it. Well, your leg isn't. Well, it's got metal in it. We've got metal in it, yeah. It's got metal in it, it must be a bit stronger. Do you know what, he's underrated as Sli as slippy grapes. Yeah, I used to work in the Sainsbury's and I used to work on the fruit and veg. Did a lot of not much room on this shelf and I was putting out much mushrooms. That's good. My first foray into

standard. Yeah, the grapes when there was grapes on the floor of the chiller, grapes on a metal chiller floor. Jesus. Oh, they tell us to yak hold down in competition. I used to see him drink all the food out of back to do a yak cold down in competition. Did you? How many did you have? As many as you could. And just with the other people, just stuff would break and then it would just be thrown away. So we'd eat and drink it. My mate, um, downed, we was trying to see who could get the worst brain freeze. So he downed a bottle of fridge milkshake in a freezer.

Honestly, his head went right ready. It was at world of pain. Oh, I used to work in Safeway. Have I told you about this? No, I don't know. So I worked at the petrol station for a summer in Devon. So I do some work at the petrol station, but some of my job was to go and get the stuff from the supermarket to stop the petrol station. Oh yeah, I think you've mentioned this before. Oh boy. Oh fuck off then.

Oh no no no no. Well I haven't really got a story I was just going to tell you about my summer, but if I've talked about it before. No, we know you did it, but was there a story about when you did it? Well just what my job was. So I'd be given a cage, like one of those wheelie cages. Yeah yeah. And it was the only one in the UK where the petrol station wasn't on the same site as the supermarket.

Right. So you'd have to kind of go across roads and stuff with this wheelie cage. So it was a bit of like a trip through some other streets. It was like a trip through town carrying the stock for the petrol station. How far? Like a way, a bit up a hill.

How many minutes? Five. Right, okay, so yeah, close but not that, yeah. But you are pushing a massive cage through for- You're going across a roundabout and you're going... That's 17 year old Josh Reneg. I saw a kid, I felt so sorry for him, about eight, 15 minutes past eight this morning, sat getting a driving lesson and he looks like he didn't even have pubes.

He looks so young. And I was like, Oh God, it's so hard being that age. And I was just picturing a pubeless Josh Ridicombe with a cage of food on a roundabout. I was 19, so I just... Three pubes. One pit, one stuffed on the dick. But the people in the supermarket

didn't want you to take their stuff. Right, because they were like, that's our stock. Yeah. Basically, you had were like, that's our stock. Yeah. Basically, you had to kind of sneak it out. So I was like the most hated man in the supermarket. Because all the fucking garage boys come here. Yeah, yeah. To take all of our fucking tangos. We've just put them on the shelves and now you're taking them off to take to the garage.

Oh, so you take them off the shelf from the stock room. If there wasn't any in the stock room, I'd take them off the shelf because they're more likely to sell in the garage than they are. A single tango, you're going to sell like... Yeah, but we need some take them off the shelf because they're more likely to sell in the garage than they are. A single tango, you're going to sell that? Yeah, but we need some tangos. Yeah, but they're more likely to sell in the garage. So, who are you again? What's this? I work for the garage.

And your name is? Josh. But we've only got eight tangos left. Well, I'm taking six. You've still got two. Our sales are going to be affected. It's not going through this. We're one big company. We're one big happy family. No, but we've run that through on our system to be on our shelf. So that's going to be six or six cans. How do I account for that?

No, because I had to scan them out. Right. I'd scan them out. So you're scanning them out now, are you? So it's essentially a sale. You've sold them to the petrol station. When do you come? It seems like you come at different times.

In the morning, I come for the fresh goods. In the afternoon, I come for what was described as ambient food. Yes, I used to call it ambient food when I worked at a supermarket. I used to work in provisions and then you'd have to go ambient to show someone, it was so cold in provisions, you'd have to go to ambient to show someone where pasta was because I can't fucking read. Ambient just means not in a fridge, let's just say it's just food. I'd be so hot on ambient in my big provisions fleece.

Gloves on, sweating. I'd be so hot on ambient in my big provisions fleece. Yeah. Gloves on, sweating. Yeah, it's just down there, the pasta. Next to the rice, yeah, fucking probably. You thick bastard. Oh, so that was a stressful, having to explain that to new people that you haven't taken all their tangos. It was awful.

What was the biggest seller for you in the garage? Fags. Fair enough. And petrol. Fags and petrol. Not together, don't lie on the four-court! A phone's not allowed on four-courts. What's the rule with that?

That's dangerous as well, isn't it? I don't know. I've got that in my head, but I don't know whether it's still a thing. Right, okay. Right, I've got instant regret stories. You want one? Yeah, go on.

Hi boys. Following a recent chat about things you have instantly regretted doing parenting wise, I have three children, a girl and two boys, and up until my second child going to school, I had managed to avoid the dreaded knits until my eldest son came home one day from reception and I noticed something in his very thick long hair.

Yes, knits. Hundreds of the little bastards. Yeah, right. Without thought and for fear of them getting in mine or daughter's very thick long hair, I acted in a moment of madness and used my husband's hair clippers and shaved his head.

Oh my word. Oh my word. The instant regret I felt when I realized my four year old looked like a cross between a kid from This Is England and Eleven from, she's done it to zero. What? She did it like like, completely off. Not like a one or a two.

Yeah, well, it's not gonna help with nits if it's a one or a two. Roll on another year, and during lockdown, I woke up to the sound of clippers, and the same child had decided to shave his own head in his two-year-old brother's hair. Oh, my word. The words,

"'Let's do mummy next' will forever haunt me. He managed to take a chunk from both their hair, so had to have skinheads once again. Wow. Thankfully I escaped the clippers. Love the Polly Lucy from Leeds. That is meant cutting his hair off. Just wash it and comb it.

Yeah, exactly. But a red one. It keeps going around our school. But it's more cleaner hair, isn't it? Cleaner hair. Is that right? They love clean hair. Yeah, that's's more cleaner hair isn't it? Cleaner hair. Is that right? They love clean hair. Yeah that's what they say isn't it? Yeah because there was someone on the parents group said um yeah our daughter's just got nits we've got the stuff how many times do you do it? The wash. And one of the parents

replied we did it four and I thought I'm keeping my my head down. How many times did you do it? We didn't do it for Rob. It just says once. Because your kids have nits. Well they did. And then we did it once and they gone. They went. They've maybe just been a bit, you know, careful. Fair play to them, Rob. Fair play to them. We've not had nits in our school because we're not disgusting

Londoners. The beautiful countryside of Kent, where our hair has space to breathe. Not clinging on to each other so nits can spread. In the streets of London town. Anyway, am I a modern boomer? Josh, answer this question for Jess in Walthamstow. Dear Josh and Rob and Michael, I have a potential modern day boomer story for you. My soon to be ex-husband at this rate, awkward, okay, husband, my husband at this rate, and I split pick up and drop offs for our one year old son and four year

old daughter. I do all the drop offs to the nursery and he does all the pick ups. The nursery closes at 6.30 and he usually makes it there by the skin of his teeth. I know this because the nursery has an app that tells me when they've been collected. One evening I was still in the office at 6.30 when I realised I hadn't had my usual notification that they'd been picked up. Panicking, I called him. I knew that early in the day he'd been out on his motorbike for meetings in town and would be rushing to get home in the car to pick them up. He picked up the call saying that he had collected them. He sounded odd on the call, as if he still had his motorbike helmet on. Oh dear. On probing further, I had caught him

modern day boomering. He had been too late to go and get the car, instead went to the no no no no no no no no no no no no instead went to the nursery's motorbike what called a taxi to meet him there got the kids in the taxi then he followed them home on his motorbike with them in the cab alone do you know what that is better than the option we're all thinking. That is much better than what we were fearing. I mean, one of the children is one. And I'm assuming that this cab that he called last minute definitely had the right car seats, obviously.

That is incredible. It turns out he's done this a couple of times before, Josh. It just so happens that I caught him this time. Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks this is mad. Thank you for the twice weekly laughs. I love your show, Just From Walthamstow.

Now, Josh, I think that's actually not too bad if they're older, but I think a one-year-old's a bit extreme. Would you, if you're the cabbie, take that? I mean, it's a weird request, isn't it? Is he, like, in vision of the kids? Like is he riding next to the cab so they can see him? I think he's behind the cab.

So they can't even see him. So what's the cabby doing if the baby starts crying? Just driving faster, I imagine. If he's only a five minute trip anyway, but that's a bit of boomer parenting there. That is incredible. That is incredible. Lies You Tell Children.

This is good and great stuff here. And then we do the quiz in a bit. Still got the quiz. Yeah. Hi, Robin Josh. Wanted to get your thoughts on this brilliant but potentially future booming parenting hack my friend told me about.

His boy is in the first year of primary school. He hated it to begin with. And it was a constant battle to get him up and out of the house each morning. Towards the end of the first week, he told a lie that he has been perpetuating ever since. What's perpetuating? Carry on. Yeah. He told his son that if he gets up to go to school each morning without a fuss,

then he can stay home two days of the week as a reward. Two days of the week as a reward. During the week, if he starts to misbehave, he reminds him of his deal and that gets him to behave. His son now believes he gets to skip school on Saturday and Sunday because he behaves himself and he's not to tell any of his friends as they only get upset and jealous. That's clever, because I was about to say.

But that's the tricky part there, that end bit. Because it means he can't play with his friends at the weekend as well Yeah, cuz he assumes they're at school. Yeah, so actually this is genius because he's getting out of play dates at weekend Yeah, exactly. I do think your child's gonna have some proper problems unless you come clean. It's in his first year though He's in reception. Yeah, you've boxed yourself in really there because you've got to admit you're lying or yeah Say do you know what the good news is? The school has brought in a policy based on my idea.

Yes. And I just have to tell them who's been good on it. But luckily all your friends have been good as well. Yeah. So basically get all the other parents in the school to agree. So far as well as tree, but I can't help thinking there's a boom of parenting scenario heading down the track. Yes, I agree.

Emma Troupe that was. Thanks Emma Troupe. Hi, Rob and Josh. This is a parenting tip. Okay. I also suffered from stage fright and found a way around it. When you get to the urinal, this isn't really parenting but fine, put a maths problem in your head that's difficult but achievable. I tend to go with something like 37 times 8.

Thinking about it for 5 to 10 seconds or so is enough to distract you and you'll be pissing like a racehorse in no time. That's a fucking easy one. That's tough isn't it? 37 times 8. This is how I'd work it out. I'd do 8 times 10, 3 times.

So 80 plus 80. What? 160. God fuck. 8 times 10, 3 times. That's so confusing. 340. 240 yeah.

Plus 7 8s, whatever that is. Before I know it I'm covered in piss. 56? Is it 56? Who knows? That's too hard. That's too hard. But if he's getting her pissing or him pissing, good on him. Do I need a piss now? I'm not sure. I found a hack to stop my toddler tantrumming.

I've just pissed myself actually, it does work. Oh that's good, that's good. Yeah, you can put that to bed. Alright, I'll try that later. I found a hack to stop my toddler tantruming. She's two. So are you still struggling to own a way at urinals, Josh,

even though you're a bit more Zen? Well, yeah, I don't really go to urinals. Are you rehydrating because? No, I'm just thirsty actually. I've got my massive fucking Evian. Evian, Evian. Evian, Evian. That's the old slogan, isn't it? I don't know what the slogan is for Evian. What's the phrase? Don't know, theyian, Evian. Evian, Evian. That's the old slogan, isn't it?

I don't know what the slogan is for Evian. What's the phrase? Don't know, they don't advertise it. They don't need to, do they? Did you get into fucking selling water? Oh, no. Should we bring out some water? I think we're probably 40 years too late on that one.

There's always new waters in there. Canner water, that's a new one. I like it in a can. Me too. God, I'm a boring old prick. I'm so burned out and tired. You just had a holiday. I know.

But do you know why it is? Because when you go away, everything just compacts for about a month afterwards. Yeah, you can't hand over. I've got a list of stuff to do today and it's so long. Give us a brief rundown of it. Contact odd jobs, man. Not for a radiator. No, the garden water system is broken.

Also we've got various other things that we can throw at him if he's gonna come here for that. Slugs, slugs back? They'll add that to my fucking list. How's it go in the basement? Yeah, that's sorted. That's good. Yeah.

What was on the list, Josh? Builders coming around. What for? You get your kitchen done. Was that not happening anymore? That is going to happen. Yeah. Doing various things, but he's got a day to just, he wants to check out the work.

I've hopefully put the words work out, not gonna happen. Work out. You ain't working out today, I don't think. Do some semblance of work before my gigs tonight, just so that they're worth doing. Is that how you've written it on to do this? No, I've written stand up. Book a haircut.

I need to do that, actually. Oh, this is the worst. Car, This is how bad my life's got. My car when I turn it on warns me about three separate things that need doing. What ones? A tire. Yeah. The oil being low yeah and another one that I can't even remember okay so you need to get that sorted need to get that sorted emails which have got things in them like pay an invoice type that you know I leave it unread and then action emails yeah yeah yeah yeah oh fuck my life it's alright it's just all a bit much for me Rob it It's all a bit much. I just clicked on an email and I didn't need to action it Rob. I feel great. I'm down to

12. Oh that's good, 12. Yeah. Do you clear your emails? Because currently my phone says I've got 5132 emails. No I need to clear them. You would get it down to zero? Yeah I clear them as they go. Oh no. I don't.

So I'm down to 10 actually because one of them was the Zoom link from Michael. Are you just doing your emails now? Sorry yeah. Oh no, I don't. I sent down to ten actually, because one of them was the Zoom link from Michael. Are you just doing your emails now? Sorry, yeah. I could see your little eyes lighting up that you were getting something else done. You just seem to be doing your emails. I'm going to turn around and you're doing bicep curls. Shouting at a builder.

Out the window. Sort them slugs out with you, boy. There was some more things I needed to do as well. I'll sort out our burglar alarm, reset our burglar alarm. Oh, just, you know, things. Life admin, Josh. Life admin. Mental load, life stuff.

Then go and get the kids. You get the kids today? No, because I'm working, I've got to go to- Where's Rose? She's Cornwall. You know that, because we've just recorded another one. So don't pretend it's different Don't pretend that this is a different week Fuck here now

Don't sell the myth Why sell the myth when the truth so good You got busy week? No, not too bad. But I just want to get all this shit done today so that it's not my whole week. And then because then my stuff pops up and then before you know. Well, I'll tell you what, Josh, I'll give you a bit of boomer parenting. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. Hey, Robin, Josh, loving your podcast. Not sure if this is a boomer story or I'm just a father with a sick sense of humor. When we were younger, if me and my brothers wanted money for sweets, we had to earn it. And by earning it, I mean dares.

Like sticking our tongues on the end of a 9-volt battery, What? licking the inside of a freezer, or eating a spoonful of English mustard. Fuck off. I don't know why he thought this was a good idea. He got a good laugh out of it. Thanks, Summer Natalie Hope. That is mental.

What a joyous name for a terrible run of things you have to do for a sweetie. Summer Natalie Hope. No hope. No chance of Summer. I remember doing the battery as a kid. I do feel like my parents would go yeah put your tongue on that. I think my dad would do that but he would never force me to do it. He would get me to let me have sweets. He wouldn't make me do it as I'll do that if you want. It's horrible. And you do it out of like stupid intrigue. But doing it for sweets, a battery, lick the inside of a freezer or eating a spoonful of it.

Do you want school picture fail, Rob? Yes, please. Then we'll do the quiz. When my husband picked up our daughter from play school, all the staff were giggling. The children had been drawing their daddy's favorite thing on T-shirts for Father's Day presents. Lots of footballs, points of beer were the main theme.

Our daughter, however, had drawn me naked. F- Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Was there any sort of content? Thanks, Anna. They were drawing their father's favourite things for Father's Day. Why did she have to be naked?

Is that just because she forgot to do the clothes or has he audibly said that his favourite thing is his wife naked? I don't know. I don't know. She hasn't really gone into it. The child drew the naked mother. The naked mother. Do you know what?

I'd probably, if I were at a nursery, get them to redo that. I'd say, oh that's lovely, so your mummy's your daddy's favourite thing, so what clothes does she normally wear? She puts some clothes. And then the kid would go, no he likes her naked. Yeah and they go, oh okay well it's quite an interesting picture, should we put a skirt over those legs? No, because he likes a vagina. That's why he likes. The legs are sort of spread out. Is that how she normally stands? Sits. Lies.

Lies. Awaits. Oh god, that's awful, isn't it? Great email though. Lovely stuff. Scissors parenting fail. Long time listener, first time emailing. Absolutely love the podcast. Thanks for the laugh out loud moments, mainly while on my dog walk,

which does generate a few odd looks. Couple of years ago, we were checking out a brand new pair of scissors. Wow, good for you. Things were on the up, which were obviously very sharp. My partner said to our then roughly six year old daughter, come here while I try them out on your hair.

As he reached her hair and pretended to snip away, oh no, her instinct was to put her hand up to protect her hair. Oh, no. As sure as you can imagine what happened, he accidentally cut her finger. Oh. As blood poured out, she was hysterical

while we were desperately trying to work out whether it needed stitches. How do you explain that at a hospital? Luckily, after cleaning it, once it stopped bleeding, we could see that it wasn't that bad. As we first thought, thank God, our daughter now sticks sick, still remembers and often talks about the time.

Daddy nearly cut her finger off. Keep up the great work guys, Bev. My mum cut my ear trying to cut my hair once. Cut your ear? Yeah, just so like, was cutting along like the sideburn bit and then just caught it. It was quite bad actually, quite a lot of blood. Oh my god.

Sleep over disaster, Josh? Yeah. Then the quiz. I'm enjoying these. How many times are we going to say that in the quiz? I'm just enjoying it too much. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. When I was about eight or nine, I was sleeping at my friend's house and we were all asleep in the front room.

I was on a bed on the floor with her brother on the sofa next to me. Suddenly, I was awoken to the noise of someone being sick and soon realized her brother was in fact throwing up all over me. It went in my face, my hair, my bed. Safe to say I was absolutely beside myself and the sleepover mum had to bath me at 3 a.m. in the morning. Oh my god. All I wanted was my mum to come and collect me but but she didn't want to wake my mum up, so I had to go back to sleep in the sick house, only to be woken up an hour later by another sibling thrown up too.

What? They've obviously gone back. Left with a phobia of sick and didn't sleep over anywhere else for years after. Oh no. Oh my God. Love the pod Emily from Southend, that is horrible. I think you're well within your rights to say, no, you do phone my mother. Yeah, I'd want to be woken up at 3am if my daughter had gone through that.

Yeah. I'd go, oh, that's a shame. I'm sorry. Also as well, just from a point of like, they're obviously ill, the kids. Yeah. And now it's in your child's hair and mouth. If I receive that call, I can't believe you called me. I'm really, this

really feels out of order. Can you not have waited until about 9 a.m. because you woke me in the middle of the night just to my daughter's been sick. Well, 8 or 9 I'm sure the kid could bath themselves. Yeah, but I suppose. My daughter has her own bath. You don't just leave a child in the bath. Oh god, it's so awful. And also it's like you're washing sick out of hair that's quite difficult to get out I imagine. From a child that's half awake crying in someone else's house covered in sick. Quiz? Yeah. Are you going to lead it Michael?

Yeah I can read the questions if you guys want to play along maybe. Is that alright? Yeah. How many questions are there? There are only five so it won't take long so I've gone a bit early on the quiz. We've already built this fucking quiz up have we? So there's five questions. Do you fastest finger maybe? Say your name? Yeah say our names. I say loose you say stiff. Is that buzzes? Yeah yeah okay cool. Get off your phone you're not getting another job done now, we're doing a quiz, Josh. Sorry.

What was that, what was on your phone? I got a message from Rose. What did Rose say? It's over? She was just, um, a house that she's seen on Right Move that she says is nice. Not to move into. Ah, ah, your fart, no wonder you trust you're moving,

ain't ya? No, we're not, we're not moving. No? Just looking at houses. If we moved every time she looked at a house on Right Move, Rob, we were moving, ain't you? No, we're not. We're not moving. No? Just looking at houses? If we moved every time she looked at a house on Right Mover, I'd be removing about three times a week, so... OK. She's just interested in Right Move. It is nice, though.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. I'm always on Right Move when I'm not moving house. We're not moving house. I'm just... That's what I was saying to you. I'm just interested in Grindr. I'm not gonna have gay sex. I was, like, looking at if I was gonna have gay sex you want to have it with. Yeah it is nice though. In London? Or are you moving out?

We're not moving! Okay well if you were to move to that house where is it? It's out of London. Okay. But we're not moving there. Why are you looking at it? I'm putting it in the map to see where it is. Well why why do that if you don't go there? Well, because you asked me where it was. Oh, it's nice. Right. Look, all I'm saying is, Josh, now Rose has got a project finished. She's getting a new project.

No. Right. Come on. All right, let's go. OK. Question number one. Fingers on buzzers. OK. Which guest read the parenting hell book to their wife while she was pregnant to get her to sleep? Loose neck. That was Joel Dommet. Oh, fuck. Yeah, it was. What a dweeb. Which member of Hanson has the most children? Fuck off. I couldn't name. I don't even know their names. No.

I think, uh, loose, middle. No, let's get the Hansons names. I'll just Google Hanson members. So there's Taylor, Zach and... Zach's the little one. Isaac. I think it's Isaac. I think it's Taylor.

The correct answer is Taylor. Fucking out. And they've also said, bonus point, how many children do the brothers have combined? Eight. No, twelve. Twelve actually. Six. Correct answer was fifteen. Fucking out, it's three nil to Rob. Taylor has seven, Zach has five, and Isaac has three.

Do I get a bonus point for being closest? Yeah, why not? I went with six. One of them's got seven on his own. You're falling apart here, Josh. Do you know what you need? A move out, a bit more space, chill out. Not moving out. You might as well. Your one sounds fucked. You got slugs, it's a radiator, don't work. Go. The go's sorted. Okay, question number three. Sorry. Okay, question number three. Which guest called you from their teenage son's office? Oh, called us or we interviewed them. We interviewed them and they were there.

It was on a Zoom call and they were... Oh, Buzz, loose. Go on, Josh. It was McIntyre. Correct. Oh, yes. His teenage son's office. Wasn't it Michael's office with his teenage son's stuffy? No, his teenage son had taken wasn't Michael's office with his teenage son stuffy What's his son's office?

His teenage son had taken over hadn't they? It was surrounded by Funko Pop signed Funko Pop Dolls He's got some money out of McIntyre Okay question number four Which guest had to learn how to change a nappy for a film before becoming a parent? Ooh, oh And they've given a hint the scene was cut out Was it Michael Sheen?

Incorrect. Cush Jumbo? Incorrect. The correct answer was Jack Whitehall. Oh god I don't remember that at all. I'll be honest with you I just remembered being interviewed Jack Whitehall. Yeah. He had no idea about Children What's Over did he?

No. He needs to get him back on. I don't see if that's changed. Okay, finally, question number five. What's the score, by the way? Is this, is it tight, this? 3-1 to Rob, is it? You've got two, oh, you've got one right.

It's 3-1, but I think the bonus point doesn't count to the overall score. Oh, okay, so it's 2-1, so this is to equal it. Just to keep it interesting. Okay, question number five. Which guest accidentally filmed themselves shouting at their child to get down from a tree, which their children then ended up wanting to watch over and over on repeat? Fuck, Eddell. Oh, this is a very early guest.

Loose. Oh, who are you going for? Oh, stiff even. Manford? I've got to go for Mark Watson. The correct answer was Alan Davies. Oh! I almost said Alan Davies! Do you know what?

I was going for... That was a lockdown episode. I enjoyed that. Do you know what? Great quiz. Go back and listen to all of those episodes because we clearly didn't listen to them the first time. Didn't take it in. Didn't take it in.

It's hard to remember everything that's ever been said, isn't it? We repeat our own anecdotes, let alone Alan Davies'. And I do try but oh that was fun wasn't it Michael so was that a, did I win that? Yeah. That's a 2-1 victory for Rob. Well done Rob. Do you know what, thanks guys. I enjoyed it. Really good. You've got to really be kicking yourself for the handsome one. Well I just didn't know any of it did I, those handsome guys. He's all over the place Josh.. Do you want to do small business? Oh yeah. Here we go.

Hello Rob and Josh. I won't lie, I've been waiting in the wings for and in for the small business shout out section for a while now. What's that mean? My business Task Her is a platform for homeowners to book and pay trades women online. I came up the idea at the end of 2020 when we were having work done on a house.

I'd find contact and chase trades men and they would arrive and always start talking to my husband, who's now my co-founder, not me. I realized the idea of booking a tradeswoman hadn't even crossed my mind. Task Her is currently live in London with plans to expand nationwide. We offer fully verified, qualified and experienced female electricians, heating and gas engineers and plumbers for a huge range of jobs that are totally bookable online at taskher.co.uk. Hello to the podcasters, a mother to a one year old and a four year old. I imagine it's going to be relatable for a long time. Yeah, thank you, Anna. If you are in the market

for a female tradesperson, I imagine if you are a single woman living alone you maybe will feel more comfortable having a woman come to do your electrics as opposed to a man would you think? Yeah. Good luck to it, task her. I don't know whether this counts as entertainment Rob, but I do need a piss. Should I go and try and have a piss while thinking about a sum? Yes, but do you struggle to piss in your own toilet as well?

No, but I think I would if I knew that the result was gonna be broadcast on a podcast. Could we still have you mic'd up while you do it? Yeah, it's the next room, so I could take the mic as far as I can. Right, okay. And then keep the headphones in maybe. If my cleaner walks in at this point, it's game over.

Oh, wait. Why don't you just piss in a bucket in your room? But I'm not doing it. Right, OK. It doesn't reach and I'm not pissing in a bucket. Do you know what? I think that would have been entertainment. I do, but you've got to draw the line somewhere. I've just got another email.

The worry in your eyes when you get an email, what was that one about? Is your neck going as well there? A little neck click. No, my neck's good now. Oh, is it? Oh, that's good. All right, well, do you want to do a small business? And then we'll wrap up. My name's Jemma and I have set up a small business Is your neck going as well there? No, my neck's good now. Oh is it? Oh that's good.

Alright, do you want to do a small business and then we'll wrap up? My name's Gemma and I have set up a small business that solves a parenting hell by stopping birds pooping on kids' trampolines. Okay. Our business is called Birds Away. So I don't want to excuse the pun, poo poo this business. Is that in big demand? Well we'll see.

After going through years of continuing having to jet wash the trampoline down from loose bowed bird mess before our two young boys wanted to bounce, we designed a trampoline trim to deter birds from landing and using it as a public toilet. Our product comes in strips of one meter length plastic spikes that easily attach and we're happy to 100% confirm they are flexible enough

so not to hurt any bird or child, but firm enough to stop any bird from landing. They were an instant success, resulted in seeing not one poop splattering since, it's now been three years. We decided to set up our business over lockdown to help other parents who are facing the same mission pre-bounce. We now have over 700 positive reviews back

from very grateful customers. It's a huge success. I can't tell you how much we would appreciate a shout out for www.birdsaway.co.uk. This is perhaps something that parents might not even think to search for. Thank you. Absolutely loving the podcast. Best wishes. Gemma Waters. Do you know what? I stand corrected. I've just Googled it. There's a lot of people with bird shit on their trampolines. No you can't. I'm living a blessed life.

Exactly. It's not happening to us, Josh. Maybe Luz brought some birds away without telling you. Because some people, the trampolines are absolutely covered in bird shit if you Google it well. Trampoline, bird shit. This is mental. I've got no idea this was a thing. There you go. See a little spike on it. Look at that.

Look at that, Rob. Have you got a trampoline? No. Oh, it's a bit tight, you go. See a little spike on it, look at that. Look at that Rob. Have you got a trampoline? Nope. It's a bit tight you're gonna get one for the new place. What's the garden like? I'm not moving Rob. Stick it at the end of the list. Might buy some birds away

and then I'll get the trampoline at a later date. Yeah, then do a quick workout. Might pop it on the car. I think you should keep driving the car and see how many lights you can get on it. Oh my god I forgot to tell you I got another fucking parking ticket for this person who stole my number plate. Now that, I hate having to do life admin, that life admin would send me over the edge. Like having to do it when it's been my fault is bad enough but when

you're totally blameless and you're having to do it when it's been my fault is bad enough. But when you're totally blameless and you're having to go through the rigmarole of explaining to the council, it's not your number plate and they don't want to know. They just want the money. They just want the money. Do you know about the ambulance driver that got taken to court for speeding, even though he was on a call? What? Yeah, so he was basically got called speeding and then he literally replied to it going,

this is my ambulance number, that's my registration of the ambulance. This is a call I was on That's why I was speeding that you shouldn't have sent me this and then they basically rejected it He had to go to court and obviously got thrown out immediately, but it was like a weird sort of admin thing That's mental. All right. Um, i'll see you next time. Josh. See you later. Bye