Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP6: Miles Jupp

Episode Date: January 26, 2024

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian and actor - Miles Jupp. You can get tickets for Miles new tour HERE Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with oh i'm not ready i fucked it up. Fucking hell. I said, are you ready? You went, yeah.

I know. I didn't think that's what I had to be ready for. What were you thinking about? You're breathing? No, I was thinking about childcare tomorrow. Mate. On brand. In the moment.

You've got to just be in the moment. I know. I know. April, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Say Josh Whittakin. Josh Whittakin. Well done.

There you go. She sounds like a young mother with a... Nice. Where's she from? She's from Widness. Widness. Witness the Widness. Up north.

Up north. This is my two-year-old April with an introduction by a nine-year-old hazel i've been trying to get april to do this since she started to talk because she's finally cooperated hazel was excited to get involved thanks for giving us such a hilarious insight into your parenting it was especially stark when i was heavily pregnant in april first few months after josh's son was born it was terrifying reminder of what was soon to come lots of love claire hazel and april from witness it's near liverpool in brackets we fucking know that mate oh yeah you'll probably you'll probably be there on tour in a

couple of years josh sport that's how i know most of the places witness what happens it witness a rugby league team they've got a rugby league team um josh i did a um i did a non um uh non-boozing day date with a friend oh yeah what'd you do so we went to the gym lloyd you know lloyd griffith yeah he's in he's lost loads of weight he's doing looks like a stone and a half and he's going to the gym he's getting ripped um everyone else all my mates getting ripped around me i'm just oh no no i'm doing all right uh you look good oh look at that got a nice chiseled jaw rob um trying to be healthy um like david lloyd uh went to the gym and a little spa afterwards it was steam bunch ball and then we went and had some food he had

a voucher for a hawksmoor steak for his birthday we used a voucher and i topped up whatever whatever extra it was and uh didn't have any alcohol, had a Virgin Mary. What's a Virgin Mary? Like a bloody Mary, but with no. Yeah. Which is very nice. So we went at one, then we went to eight, about five. And then I was back home by seven and I had a great day, Josh. And I feel, I've realized I've got to do that a bit more to stop me getting stressed.

Yeah. Cause like just hanging out with mates, but that doesn't involve having 10 pints because then it's worse and then your week's fucked. And it was like, because I don't want to be. Because dads have no mates. Do you know what I mean? Like, especially my dad growing up, like, I swear he had just no mates.

And then he had some, like, taxi driver mates. Like, he saw them again. But he never would just, like, my mum and mums normally have like a group of friends. But what happens is dads either just when they, they're forced to go out to go on double dates with their wife's friends and their husbands. Yeah.

Or they just sit in and have no mates. I don't want to just have no mates, Josh, but why did dads have no mates? That's really brought something home to me. Bizarrely at breakfast, my daughter asked me who my best friend was. Okay, yeah.

And it did... Slim pickings. It's hard just to think of some friends, let alone best ones. Let alone best ones, mate. I like some work colleagues i like you i like you 80 of the time yeah i would say you're my best friend no i haven't got a best friend i don't think have you have i got a best friend your best friend uh probably no no because i've got loads of mates that i'm sort of like friends with but a best friend implies as a person i go to i go to different people for different things who do you go to friend wise

i'd say lou's probably my best friend oh well this is what i'm about to ask you yeah lou has an affair yeah and you're understandably miffed who do do you call to talk? Who would I ring if she left me? It's a weird one, isn't it? She's done... I'd probably... It's a weird phone call, isn't it? Because I want you to achieve from it. You don't want to speak to someone.

You don't want to just sit in your sad little flat on your own. You don't want to just sit in your sad little flat on your own. I'd probably tell the first person that I saw that was in my sort of schedule of that day. Okay. So I don't think I'd ring anyone. So you'd just come on, say we were recording this, you'd just come online and tell us. Yeah, I'd probably ring. No, you wouldn't prime us. I probably would tell you. I don't know if I No, I wouldn't. I probably would tell you.

I don't know if I'd do it as a podcast episode without squaring it off with Lou. I don't want to announce the divorce on the pod like half an hour after she's, like, left. You know what I mean? But I probably would. You imagine the door swings shut and you're like, I've only got five minutes to the pod, I bet. Yeah, I'd probably go, right, just quick heads up, lads. Lou's left me. I will talk about the podcast at some point, but not now.

I've got some gear on soft play, but Josh, if you could carry it a bit, I'll chip in on your stories and we'll go, great. And then I go, hello, welcome to Parenting Hell with... And then I log off. Next thing, next time there's one that matches that description people are gonna worry yeah if you ever hear one person dominating and the other person just sort of chipping in and the other person then goes right should i do some correspondence and do loads of it you know something big's happened because we want to you know you want to i like doing this because i love the honesty of it

and you've got to share but you can't share too much especially if divorce lawyers are involved because all of a sudden it's shifted it could be used against me josh exactly yeah exactly imagine if you you slip up what i'll do is if lou did leave me i'll go yeah sure you can have half that's how it works however you've got to do half the pod see you later and then i'll just log off at 25 minutes great fun for me child being moved between two divorced parents the first ever broken home podcast sorry blended podcast oh i'll tell you what family podcast um because i'm from blended

family because what would happen then rob is that you'd come to um you'd come to the uh uh what does it be called like the hearing about divorce is it a hearing well you know a lot about divorce they bash it out yeah like the divorce whatever it's called let it go mr beckett it says here yeah that uh you were heartbroken when lou told you yes he left you i couldn't function couldn't code yes you're correct i'm now going to play you a clip of the podcast you recorded 20 minutes after she left the house okay off you go this is you laughing at a story i'll just be like just press tap on the 30 secondsecond thing. We'll get to it. Because judging by this,

you seem really excited about Screwfix's new offers. I just say I play a character of Rob Beckett, the dad. Anyway, but luckily Lou hasn't left me. And yeah, who would I call best friend? Who did you say your best friend was? Did you give an answer? I said Crane because she knows who he is. he she's friends with his son cranes you know what you've he's definitely out there he's just puffed up his feathers of i've said i've said him and then you've put a little caveat in it poor old caveat crane yeah um right should we introduce

our guest do you want rob go on we could be a bit meta here. We could do something quite a rip up the rule book. We're about to interview Miles Jupp. Yeah. In reality, we've just interviewed him, and I've just got a text from him about the interview. Right, yeah. So basically, we've just interviewed him. Now, we didn't have time to do the intro to him.

I've just seen his name appear on my phone. Yeah, what's he said? So shall we intro him by seeing what he thought about the email, about the interview, sorry? Yes. I thought it was really good really good fun i thought it was great great laughs but also some really good stuff and interesting stuff about him having a brain seizure and then his tumor removed and the stand-up tour he's written about it and the impact on the kids and how much you tell your kids about being unwell so you want them involved but not scared i thought it was brilliant what's he thought thanks for that good fun lovely that's all we want isn't it that's all we want it's all we want

he's sent that through ai that's done like when you're driving you know when you can send a message with your voice oh well fuck him thanks for that good fun i tell you who's not my best friend marty up at the moment luckily he's very funny enjoy ladies and gentlemen please welcome to the show for the second time but the first time you've heard it the mighty miles jump film star comedian actor writer you do everything miles and you do it all to a top level and now you are a podcast guest that people will hear should we get that out of the way should we get the awkwardness out the way first miles i'm now on a podcast well originally you did this podcast did you forget the first ever guest was i yes i was the non-broadcast pilot yes not intentionally

yeah we you were our first name on the team sheet, and then the sound quality was so shit, it was unsalvageable. And we blamed your Wi-Fi, and you got a bit defensive about your Wi-Fi in Wales, I remember. Well, I don't know what you did it on then. I remember having to download Chrome specifically to do it. Yeah. And then there was a long period where I could hear you just sort of moaning about my technical difficulties.

And then eventually I said something, and you went, all right, you can hear us now. I was like, I've been listening to you for three minutes. a long period where I could hear you just sort of moaning about my technical difficulties and then eventually he went I said something and he went all right you can hear us now he lives in the middle of nowhere it's probably the wife and you're like actually it's broadband and it's quite a good broadband it is yeah no I mean it's a town I'm in a town so it ought to be all right yeah I've moved in with my in-laws I think we're borrowing wi-fi from well anyway let's not go into the legal details anyway you seem to be able to hear me yes so let's um set the set up let's set the show up how many kids you got miles uh five kids five kids um why do you why do you think you were the first name on the team shoot miles

i've literally no idea it wasn't alphabetical yes there is a lot isn't it but my wife she's one of eight she's oh so like so we're living with our in-laws

at the moment and they you know my mother-in-law she's unfazed by the numbers yeah of course in a way that I'm sort of

still phased by them but she's much more and that you know you should have done that bit of parenting when you've got like a nine-year-old and then you know you should have done that bit of parenting when you've got like a nine year old and then you know you've got someone at primary

school and someone's going off to university or whatever I can't that. So what are the ages Mars? My eldest is 14 youngest is 8. Oh so they're quite tightly compacted. Yeah yeah well we've twins in there so that's sort of cheat mode isn't it. And when did the twins

come? Numbers 3 and four. And then you went again after twins. Yes. When you say we went again, you make it sound like it's some sort of, you know, like there's a sort of plan. I can't think of there being any more evidence of a lack of planning than the sheer numbers we're dealing with here.

Because I still remember one of your jokes. I heard it when I was a parent. And I think sometimes jokes about having kids are funny before kids, but when you have them, they hit harder. That joke you had about going to the doctors and then the waiting room in the doctors? Yeah, I still remember. Oh, just a bit of me time?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, how lucky it is to be ill. Yeah, reading a leaflet about whatever it would have been. room in the doctors yeah i still remember just a bit of me time yeah and you just get to see how lucky it is to be ill yeah i can't yeah yeah reading a leaflet about whatever it would have been yeah it was like you just love being ill because when you go to the doctors when they go can you take a seat it's a bit of me time i think i've butchered the bit but i just i lost it i can't remember it but yeah the exact details yeah there was a bit about and i think that was i think it was based on truth which is about getting down to a tube platform and missing the the tube and normally of course you'd be sort of frustrated but actually you're kind of just feeling a sort of moment of freedom

so actually oh great there's not one for six minutes and there's a bench you know putting putting my head against the tiles just put my forehead against the tiles. Just put my forehead against the tiles of every house. I'm just having such a calm experience. Have you always seen yourself as a father? As a father figure? Were you always like, I want to have a big family?

Well, I thought we'd have a family. I didn't put as much thought into it as you mentioned, though. It just kept happening. You know, no television, we enjoy red wine, and on and on it went, really. And what's your car set up, then? What kind of car? You meant minibus?

Two cars? Yeah, we got... We bought a car from some friends it's a seven I don't know it's difficult with a seven seater because you there's quite

there's not many that the back seats aren't just dreadful in yeah there was something we had we bought a car car broke

and I oh no I had to sell I had quite a nice Caravelle but I had to sell it to pay a tax bill and then we went and got bought like a Mitsubishi Outlander,

which when we lived in Peckham would be like an absolute drug dealer's car. And then when you, no offence Mitsubishi, but when you're in the countryside, there's a little bit of mud on it. You're like, oh no, I see it's that. Anyway, people would moan about the back seat, which was a sort of fold down bench essentially. I was like, oh, come on. So we were going somewhere.

I said, I'll sit in the back. By the time we got where we were going, it's only 25 minutes away, oh, come on. So we were going somewhere. I said, I'll sit in the back. By the time we got where we were going, it was only 25 minutes away, I could barely function. I mean, just nothing. My knees were totally, totally locked. It's sort of like flying economy, but it was, which is all I fly. And it was exactly that experience

and exactly that sort of stressful. And I just thought, oh, I see now there is a problem here. But we don't tend to drive very often i suppose with holidays as well like you're spending so much money on flights and accommodation that you probably could go business even if it's just the two of you yeah we've only flown once with it to italy we went to i think but otherwise we get this summer we went down got trains you know you uh you know, down to southern Italy and then got a ferry to Corfu. Because it's, you know, you've got your... I think you're in Interrail and you get a free pass

if you're under 12 or something like that. Oh, really? It's just a nicer way to see things. The faff of getting to an airport or whatever. I remember going to... We went to Italy and we were, like... I think, basically basically the children arrived in Italy, in Rome

is it called Fiumicino, something like that they arrived there still in their pyjamas you know so we had to get up at 2 o'clock in the morning to drive to Bristol it was all sorted we'd like pack the car the night before and stuff and say right, we'll go to bed and then we'll get you up when it was time

and we woke everyone up, put them in the car. And then I just went to check the house one last time to check that everything was done. I was going down the stairs and my oldest son was just walking back up the stairs past me in his pyjamas. I said, where are you going? He goes, I'm going to bed. It's the middle of the night. And I said, no, we're going on holiday. That's why he was like, I was in the car there.

I was like, yeah, we'll put you in the car. We're going on holiday. holiday oh right on it goes so actually it's it's a bit more leisurely to travel you know just sit down and stare out of the window yeah so you'll you'll jump on the train together then yeah even well anyway yeah it's just a bit i find it just less stressful i'm not a big fan of well i couldn't after my after my brain seizure i couldn't drive for a year anyway so you're like i can't yeah so obviously that took that out of the equation but i've always found trains more relaxing than uh than driving anything going down a temby you know anywhere like that you think oh just there's no there's no issue get there um so when was when was your brain seizure because i've not we i last saw you uh you were hilarious

uh was one of sean Locke's memorial events. Oh, right, thank you. You had to do a speech about Sean, which must have been very stressful, because it's obviously very sad, and also every comedian in the country's in the room, sort of judging your speech. Yeah, it's quite a pressure crowd, isn't it?

It's also like how, where you think, you shouldn't feel nervous before a funeral, that seems really egotistical behavior well of course i'm worried about how my bit's gonna go um you know it's it's so you are you feel nervous and you think it'd be really mortifying to admit that you feel nervous in this environment yeah sort of selfish behavior that is um yeah but it was quite it was quite a nerve-wracking event wasn't it but it was it was very good i mean event, wasn't it? But it was very good. I mean, it was lots of laughs.

That's the first time I saw you, I've seen you in a little while. Then you popped up in Napoleon, which was nice to see. Oh, yeah. It was great in that. Thank you. But you've had quite a bit, so you had the brain, when did you have your brain seizure? You have a tumour.

That's right. Which is what your new tour's about, isn't it? Yeah, so it tells the story of this kind of exciting adventure. I had a seizure in August 2021. And then when I had that, they discovered... And it was sort of lucky I did. I was talking to him. I did a show in Bristol last night.

I was talking to a man and he'd had the same sort of tumour and had it operated on. And he just sort of eventually, his wife was going, you know, spent two years telling him to go to the doctor. And eventually he sort of did as he was being asked and he was lucky that he did. Whereas having a seizure, it's sort of, obviously at the time it's pretty stressful

for the people watching it. But at least they give you a scan and you find that you've got the thing. What does the seizure involve? Well, I mean, I can't sort of picture it really other than i felt very i was in a people carry i was filming something which was super lucky because it meant that i was i was in um in a city and there was you know people yeah set medics there people that knew you know there's always a certain number of people have to do first aid but i just knew something was

really really wrong i was in a in the people care back to the unit base, and I had, like, a light flashing. And I just, I mean, I knew it to the extent that I just said to, there was a runner, Phil, he went, you look really dizzy. He was obviously making slightly more fuss of getting out of a car than perhaps I normally would. And he was going, you look dizzy. And I just said to him, I need a doctor. I just knew it.

And eventually there was a kind of, like of like a sort of explosion in your vision, really, just everything, like a kaleidoscope. And then I just remember the ground coming towards me very fast and then you're sort of in and out of consciousness for a while. So you wake up and there's people trying to hold you in the recovery position or you wake up and you're in like, this is an ambulance now or whatever. And do you have time to be scared in that situation you do but you're also there's a sort of you're you're sort of one removed from it uh in in a way because it's there's this sort of consciousness

aspect of it where you're drifting in and out and people people ask you questions to to check how you are and you realize i don't actually know the answer to that question or whatever it is. And then as it sort of settles, then you definitely have time to be scared. You know, if you go and have a scan and they're like, this is to find out if this is... Fuck me. Benign or malignant or whatever. Yeah, that is scary.

That is absolutely as scary as you imagine. But at the same time, there's a sort of freeing aspect to it, which is that you're, you you're you're not meant to be in control and other people are in charge and they know what they're doing and you think right they're experts so i will listen this seems like a ludicrous position for me to venture any sort of opinions about what what the care pathway should be going forward i reckon we i reckon we take it out guys i'm gonna say i think we're going to say look i've did quite a lot of collaborative work

you know and i think we're just let's just let's let's open this up to the whole room shall we we can all get involved honestly no bad idea no it was like they said this is what we're gonna do and you say well that sounds yeah that sounds very sensible. Do, you know, crack on, please, gentlemen. How is it, because presumably there's a long recovery, right? And so how is that family-wise? I was in the hospital originally for about three days and then just sort of getting stabilised and then they find out what it is. And then we sort of tried to get on.

I knew I would have an operation at some point, but because I was pumped full of steroids, there wasn't, and given sort of anti-seizure medss there wasn't a risk of it happening again imminently so we sort of got on with stuff we went up to North Wales and had a holiday sort of a couple of days after I came out after my operation though which was not many weeks later I was like well I suppose you just do what you feel up to really so about, I think I had my operation on the Tuesday or Wednesday. On the Sunday, we went to the circus. And I...

We just already had the tickets booked. And then one of my wife's cousins, who's a GP, said, well, I'll come with you. Just in case. Just in case, just in case. A real vote of confidence in the decision. Yeah. Well, also, we needed an extra driver.

Oh, yeah. And we won't go lower than a GP for a driver. So we went to the... It's like signing a passport, isn't it? Yeah. You know the NHS is fucked when GPs are Ubering as well. Actually, no, but that brain surgery app is terrific. It was around in about four minutes.

It was very good. Yeah, so we watched the show at the circus, and I was driving back, and I said to her, that was good, it was good to sort of pressure test it in a way, wasn't it? And she was going, yeah, because of course all that lighting could easily have given you a seizure. And I was going, could it? I didn't really.

I should have been paying more attention. But then after the operation, it was six weeks before I started working again. I did Frankie Wilde's New World Order. I would be wiped out. I'd go and do the show and then I would sort of sleep for two days. But that was nice because it meant I could do one day a week for six weeks and sort of build up yeah did you did it mean that you couldn't parent in the same way why did it affect the dynamic within the house well you one of the things a surgeon said is it's you you you get back to normal by living normal life as quickly as possible so actually things like

you know people calling your name or need you or needing you, that's good because you're putting yourself in that thing. And, you know, being able to walk the children to school immediately after coming home from surgery and stuff, that was really good. It meant that we had... And you sort of appreciated a little bit more as an experience when you've had that. Good for them as well to see, like,

oh, Dad's taking us to school rather than, like, you propped up in a bed, you know. Don't go in there. Don't go in there. Don't talk to them. They're saying really weird stuff. Yeah. That's how it would have been dealt with years ago, wouldn't it? That kind of thing.

Where now I think it's a bit more proactive, isn't it? Yeah. I live in a convent or something like that. Yeah. I guess that sort of thing. But also you're like, don't,

until you know really how you are, you're like, look, we know we're not sort of telling people this. So you're just living your life normally. And I've got, you know, there's are, you're like, look, we're not telling people this. So you're just living your life normally. And I've got, you know, there's a lot of situations socially where I was wearing a hat where I wouldn't normally because I had a big bandage on. What hat do you wear, Miles? What's your hat of choice?

What's your brain seizure, tumour removal, recovery cap? Did you have a bright one or did you have a new one? No, I had to sort of rummage around. A friend of mine that came to pick me up, I said, can you find me a hat? We stop at a service station. We're going to sort of Membry or Lee Delamere. I don't really want to go around with a big bandage on the back of my head. So he had a sort of like a black baseball cap,

like, you know, sort of Special Forces undercover, but within a TV drama. A bit like Michelle Keegan in Fool Me Once. Yeah, that is my look. That is my look. Well, a big, like, big, mad old sort of, like the sort of hat a retired person would wear to a county cricket match.

It's really useful. Because it just covers a lot of, or, you know, a beanie or something like that. But in sun, it's all right. You've got to, it's got to be sort of matched the weather, hasn't it? I went to, there was a play of, or a beanie, something like that. But in the sun, it's all right. It's got to be sort of matched to the weather, hasn't it? I went to, there was a play I was going to be in, Comedy of Errors at Stratford-on-Avon with Justin Edwards, and then the dates and everything got moved around because of COVID,

and I didn't do it. But about 10 days after my operation, I went to watch it, and it was in an outdoor theatre, mercifully, because that meant that I could be justified in wearing a big floppy hat during the thing, whereas I don't want to be one of that meant that I could be justified in wearing a big floppy hat during the thing. Whereas I don't want to be one of those people that turns up to the theatre in a beanie. But also, the other thing is,

it's so much easier to tell people face-to-face when they can be like, oh, he's normal again. You know, rather than if you send a text message saying, I promise you I'm fine, but this has happened. They're like, oh, gosh, he's putting a bit of a brave face on it. Yeah, he's just FaceTim time he won a beanie. Whereas if you've been out and seen someone, you know, you... Oh, dear. What's happening?

I can hear him saying, Jupp's been on the phone again. Now he thinks he can be a hipster, does he? This is unbelievable. He's got late onset hipsters. Which is a very real illness in our industry. But it's actually... Mainly from the production side of things. Yeah, yeah. The producer's here.

Oh, he's just parking his bike. He's 56. He's just folding his bike up. We've had to move to a new studio that's got a shower. He comes in in an absolute state. He's on with the converse to rolled up jeans and the bright yellow socks. Yeah, that's right. He's here to produce. He's ready with the converse, the rolled up jeans and the bright yellow socks. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's right.

He's here to produce. He's ready for some TV. Now he's going bald. He's started paying for proper haircuts. It's that kind of vibe. But all of that, you just don't want fuss for the kids. My eldest two came to the show last night and they came into the dressing room and my eldest was going,

there's loads of that I didn't know. There's lots of that. Oh, wow. Yeah, and I was thinking, gosh, that's a bit of a... I should have been more... That's a bad reflection. A bit more detailed.

But I kind of, you know, there was things I think before the show, I was like, I must warn them. Was that the stuff about it being a surprise that you had five and things like that? It's about all the lawsuits. But he was going... Well, I was running through running in my head going what he's going to panic and i was like oh there's a bit in the show where i sort of talk about planning my funeral and they're going really and i was going yeah because i yeah

because i was just trying to be organized and look after you guys that's why i did it i didn't do it because i thought i would die did it yeah okay so that kind of thing you've kind of got to prep them and also because two years has passed they're kind of more um you know they can they can sort of see it in some sort of perspective or whatever whereas actually you know on the day the day it happened my thought my daughter was my parents but my wife was on a on a bus and the line producer who'd sort of witnessed my seizure and came in, you know, had to ring my wife and say, your husband loves you very much, but he's in an ambulance on his way to hospital or whatever.

And she was with the children. So she just said, look, Dad's not very well. He's probably fine. We're going shopping, so that's what we're going to do. And just sort of, you know, she's very calm and kind of got, you know, carried on with it. But there's a certain amount of who you tell when or whatever. Yeah, it's hard.

I always sing that when I fill in the next of kin thing. Even if you're not dying or anything, you go to a hospital, you fill in next of kin, you're essentially choosing who's going to find out. Yeah, yes, that's right. Who's going to take the news of this best? Because before I was married, I'd always put my dad rather than my mum because I felt like he'd

take, he lost me less. My dad wouldn't answer the phone though. He's the one who recognises his own ringtone. Is that yours? Well, we used to, until there was a nursery we took our children to, we lived in South East London and my cousin used to live quite near us so I'd said to him

can we put you as one of the people to contact just because you you know your house is quite in the nursery and then but he's a he's a lawyer and he he i was i can't remember where i was working and he rang and he said uh hi i'm actually in boston uh in america but uh the nursery's just run me they say that your um your son's had an accident. And I said, oh, right. OK. They said they couldn't get through to you. So I spoke to my wife or whatever,

and we got, finally, I got through to them, and they were like, yeah, it just had a bit of an accident. And I was like, well, how serious is it? And they went, well, it just needs changing. And I was like, well, how serious is it? And they went, well, it just needs changing. And I was going, what? Now, if you rang up and said he's had an accident, you'd hear the tone of their voice or whatever. You'd be like, oh, I see.

OK, sorry, we must bring in some spare clothes or whatever. Because they phoned the other side, something happened with the other side of the Atlantic. Well, that message has crossed the sea twice. The very same words, he's had an accident, of course, have a different meaning. And they're given more importance and gravitas because of the huge distance that they travelled. The Boston whispers. That's not what the next of kin thought.

It's not how many transatlantic calls every time someone has a shit. Costs you about £8 to pick up the phone. It's a deal with that kind of level. Well, it's on part of the 24-hour news cycle. You just have to beat people as informally as you can, as often as you can. On the subject of bandwidth, do you think, because you think your Wi-Fi was working, do you think the first sign of the tumour was that you were in... That I sounded like I was cutting in and out.

You sounded like you were cutting out a year before. Yeah, almost certainly. I don't, yeah't yeah no it was probably my wifi I mean to be honest I was just being needlessly defensive it was early lockdown wasn't it so we were probably all trying to pretend that we were coop probably April of 2020 I remember being relentlessly upbeat on it

and saying this will change everything and everything for the better this is like a reset we will really think about our priorities and then about three months later, texting you, Josh, going, fucking hell, if you'd done the podcast this week, I would have done nothing but moan at you. Whatever, it's totally different. So symptoms-wise, I didn't have many, really,

but I intended just before. Then I went and did ADR and you re-voice clips or something. After my surgery, I went and re-voiced the scene that had been shot probably an hour before my scene oh wow which was really surreal um and I in it I was blinking a lot like a lot and I thought gosh I wonder if that is a symptom but also I'd I'd written my lines on a card in the desk in front of me so I thought maybe that's just me reading out loud because I was playing the radio so I couldn't tell if that was a thing but I remember ringing

I rang just a few friends my best mates from university I rang one of them and said can you phone the others and say this has happened and he goes so what is it and I said basically I've had a brain seizure and this is caused by a tumor that i must have had it's benign but i've had it for a long time uh probably just growing very slowly and he went you what you

could have had it for ages i said i could have had it for ages yeah and he went do you think that's why you've always been a bit of a twat. I'm glad, yeah, I'm glad he feels able to joke in this situation. Because the other thing is you get people just being terribly sort of nervy and edgy and are you alright? Are we allowed to ask if you're alright? Yeah, that's why you

sort of keep it on the down low. And how did your kids react? They were sort of great about it and I think the download and how did your kids react they were sort of great about it and i think the reason is partly because my wife is so just naturally sort of very calm and we but also we the fact that i was around a lot and they could see sort of how you know how i was so you know after the first time i was home sort of three three days after the seizure and then we as i, we all went away together. And then when I had the operation, I was only in for two or three days.

And we're sort of looking at, when I was writing the show, I went back to text messages around the time. And I was like cracking on with normal. I did like a table read for something the day before my surgery. Yeah. I had notes to my agent about doing self-tapes and stuff. And I was thinking, why was I I I was kidding myself that I'm absolutely I'm just going to go and have the operation really quick and I'm going to be fine

and come pouncing out again but also the other thing is just being as normal as as possible or whatever at home and that's so I guess you keep you know you just you tell them what they need to know and you and then and that's sort of partly the show comes from like what are the sort of

what are the sort of fun or silly aspects of this rather than the bits when you've sat your children down and go right what's just happened to me is the single most terrifying experience that's ever happened to me in my life because you don't, who's that helpish and now I've got to have an operation on how it's going to go so all the best, get on with your own work

I won't tell you the numbers but they've given me a piece of paper which have my exactly the most likely mathematical chances of my surviving, and I've had to sign it saying I understand. Anyway, I won't tell you what the figures are. Oh, God. Let's make everything a game. Oh, dear.

But they were amazing. They were really amazing about it, and they were sort of calm about it. We would say, you know, other people don't need to know about this. We we can get on with our lives was you a bit scared of being left on your own like especially in between the seizure and the operation like being left alone or just being left with the kids in case it happened again and you know there was a little bit of sort of gardeners i mean i went on to anti-seizure meds as soon as i had the first one so they really they're pretty powerful things so they they ought to be doing their job. But also once you, the steroids take down the swelling,

so you're less, you know, that immediate risk has been sort of averted. But they had a sort of, yeah, like a sort of touchy-poopy. I was like, oh, I don't really want to do, I tell you what I would do. I would like not lock the door before a shower and whatever. Right. Stuff like that

yeah but let's talk about your seizure yeah yeah i turned on the special light i'd open the window and pop a knob out just so they know so they knew where i was and say it's all right it's all right so i've got a tumor i could do this now they said get a lot of pressure I've got a tumour, I can do this now. They said get a lot of fresh air. He's just doing what he needs to do, OK? Stop judging. We all react differently. No, that's the penis you can see, not the tumour.

Yeah, yeah. No, the tumour's massive. But I would do things like not lock the doors and say, I'm just going up there. So I auto need to be about 10 minutes. So if I'm longer, do, you know. Yeah. So you'd be a little bit. But again, you don't want to,

like I'd say that to my oldest son or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and so, but I would be all right walking them to places and I'd build up, you know, how long I could walk for and stuff like that. I probably started doing couch to 5K again about, I don't three months later or whatever oh wow and it's amazing that you're doing this it's big it's a big old tour you're doing should i should i stay should i steve write it i'll go for it mate yes absolutely maidenhead salford oxford don't do the ones i've already done

all lovely places very well looked after stafford newbury milton Keynes, Nottingham, Chelmsford, St Albans, Shrewsbury, Tewksbury, Cardiff, Newcastle-upon-Tyne, Buxton, oh, that's a good venue. Leeds, that's a good venue. Birmingham, Swindon, Exeter, Henley, Brighton,

Westcliff-on-Sea, that's Southend, Lincoln, Hull, Bristol, Cambridge, Guildford, Northampton, Salford, Swansea, Cheltenham, Harrogate, Newcastle, Under Lyme, Canterbury, Winchester, Crewe, Scunthorpe, Ipswich, Weymouth, Aldershot, Norwich, Norwich, Portsmouth, Abergavenny, London, Milton Keynes, Hedge End, Cardiff, Mahuntleth,

Sheffield, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Guildford, London, London, Litchfield. Is there a reason why you're finishing in Litchfield? The two nights in London feels good. That feels like a good time to end, doesn't it? Yeah, but I just said, that's a nice theatre. Why aren't we doing that as well? There's only two of those you signalled out as liking, Josh.

You must have said something else. No, no, no, I liked a lot of them. Geographically, a tale of woe for you I particularly love Buxton Opera House that's amazing beautiful thing my mic broke

and I had to carry on without mic and they could still hear me that's how good the theatre was and Leeds City Varieties is amazing that's beautiful that is an astonishing

and Birmingham Town Hall is yeah that's that's a room that you can stand in and talk your 6th, 7th, 8th your 6th, 7th, 8th of February Miles always yeah that's yeah that's a that's a room that you can stand in and talk your sixth seventh eighth uh your sixth seventh eighth of february miles that's that's the absolute joy peak of your

tour but i also with the great thing about i've been doing like acting jobs for the last almost two years solid which is very lucky but there's a sort of lack of control and where with this i can say actually what i want to do is about three or four a week and i don't want to do weekends and i don't want to do half terms and i don't want to do holidays so in a way i don't know where i i don't know i don't mind where i am and i will do from you know 300 up basically you know you'll do some thousands and you'll do some 700 or whatever if i'm doing this three or four nights a week and it's not clashing with you know family time then i'm that i'm sort of happy with it really so that's kind of why that's why the dates the way they are

i mean i could i suppose i could do more after may but that's where we've gone to at the moment and i noticed that the place you live monmouth isn't there well i just that i really love that theater the monmouth savoy is it's a fantastic theater i know you've probably both done it on yeah multiple tours. I feel it's just slightly too close to my doorstep. It's a nice commute though.

I love doing Bromley. Bromley's my nearest theatre from where I am. Churchill Bromley? Yeah, I love it. It's a hard gig though especially because you're just gigging

to people you sort of half know and also I think it's sort of like everyone's sort of sat there going well he's just like me I could probably do this.

They probably could. This is what I if I did stand up I, this is what I used to find out. I used to go to Ivor Dembina's club in Hampstead, and I would do, you know, go to all sorts of places and have nice gigs, and I'd go there, and they'd all look at me and go, well, of course this is how you do stand-up if you were like this. Yeah. It just seemed so sort of route one, what I was doing.

It's just a sort of... That's what everyone talks like. ...slightly turned up. Yeah. You know, it's just a sort of that's what everyone talks like turned up you know it's just a sort of slightly jokey version of completely normal real concerns exactly

I think that's what it is in Bromley it's like yeah this is what's happening in pubs and bars and at work round here you're just talking this is the water

you just sound like my mate what's going on another reason that the Churchill Bromley theatre is quite hard is the heat it shares a building with the library

doesn't it, and the heating in the dressing rooms is controlled in the library which closes at about 5 and so it's half 7 at night and you go is there any way that this could be just a little either hotter, I can't remember if it was very hot or very cold, but I said is there any way that we could change this, because the dressing room is mainly

like an air conditioning sort of tunnel around which this, and they go we can't, the library's closed you're going well it's just it seems a little bit it's quite quite raw in there it's quite you know sort of surely they can give them keys to the library if this is happening every night well perhaps no one's perhaps no one's as sort of sensitive about the temperature as i am middlesbrough town hall i did it in like may and there was a heat wave. It was like March. It was about 25 degrees,

really hot early in the year. And it was really hot outside and the room, the heating was on in the room and it was like a furnace. You know, one of them stages, you walk out and you literally say,

hello, Middlesbrough, and then you can feel sweat dripping off your nose. You're like, this is bad. What the fuck is it? And I went, we've got to do something

about the heating like there's people out there like fanning them it's like some people overheat went yeah the problem

is that the heating is controlled by the council at the council offices and it's still on it's still on the winter setting yeah yeah they're all working from home

no one's been in for months it is that kind of doing it I remember doing a gig in the Union Chapel and it was just it must have been

during a heatwave and just the absolute it's kind of like sort of humidity that is basically the evaporated sweat of your audience and the performers

away from the concert really pleasant I did this play last year and we were in Cardiff for a week and it coincided with from a crowd point of view unfortunately

quite a lot of big rugby internationals but also it was so wet and we would get there just drenched and you'd change straight into your costume because your other clothes needed to sit in the hot box or whatever and then you'd go out there and of course the audience

have walked through the same rain that you've walked through and not had the luxury of changing into period costume and there would just be this kind of, you could just feel the damp in the air which was just this is just, they are cold they've got to sit through this and they are cold and they are wet and they must all

be going, why are we here? Why is this? Why is this happening? Putting on a tour as well has made me really appreciate the audience even more because now I know how little I want to leave the house. If someone's decided to leave and pay

and come and laugh I'm like you are special people thank you so much the amount of people that must be there watching you on tour who've had a discussion

about whether they could just not go that evening yeah it's always like when you do one like on a bank holiday Monday

and you think half the audience about two hours ago are going oh fuck we've got tickets for that thing I really don't know

if we can go I really don't know it was such an awful drive I don't know if we can go I think I've got sunburn yeah there's no so it's like

last night there was storms so I thought surely a 10% of this audience won't come in fact I was told that 10% probably wouldn't come

and they were there and you think it's great that is the joy of touring isn't it it's going out and going, wow, thanks guys. Thank you for coming.

On the opposite side of that, I did Cardiff. So it was rescheduled from before COVID. And it had been rescheduled onto both St. David's and Pancake Day. The same day. That's too much. And I reckon there was a

maximum 60% turnout having sold it out really yeah it was that's extraordinary so loads of yes you could that's a lot that's a lot of it in a room that's always that's got a lot of people in 60 of that yeah of that capacity is a lot of people and yet a lot of empty chairs yes it's very but i can understand that i. I mean, I could... Could I watch Josh Whittaker after eating a lot of pancakes? I don't know whether pancakes... Wearing my traditional national dress. Could I do that?

Could I do that to myself? Could I do it to him? Three years after I booked the ticket in my traditional national dress. Yeah, yeah. I mean, a pancake. To go and do Josh Whittaker's show about there being literally no chance

of there ever being a global pandemic. I don't know if I can face this. I really don't know if I can face this. I really don't know if I can face this. Balamore, talk to us. What was it like being in a children's TV show? Well, at the time, it was a sort of bit of a blur, I guess. Did you have kids? No, no.

I mean, I was 22 or something, so I just... I didn't know you was in Balamore. Yeah, Miles was a big deal. We went through a period of watching that about a year ago. So my daughter was... No, I would find that strange, yeah. Has it then come up when your kids have grown up? We've been going through CBeebies and stuff.

It's a fuck off. Is that you in the pink jumper on the left? What do you mean, fuck off? You look absolutely mental. You look completely different. I am. I'm absolutely mental. You look completely different. I am. I'm absolutely mental. So I would have been sort of...

That's amazing. Yeah, I would have been, yeah, 22 or something. Wow. 22 or 24. So I'd only just... I mean, I was still at university. Why are you? When I was doing bits of stand-up

and we'd done a thing, live floor show on BBC Scotland. Yeah. And then someone said, do you want to audition for this? I'm like, okay. But also, CBeebies wasn't like, I mean, CBeebies is a big deal now. It's a big deal. Right. Big deal.

You're going to kill us, aren't you, in some of these pictures? Yep, yep. I'm always dressed in those pictures. I should be. There'd be like, you know, to think of CBeebies then, you had to have like a set top box or something like that yeah right

so it wasn't such a big deal I remember my agent saying look think of it as your training you know you get

to go and do 22 weeks of single camera studio filming which is not yeah it's not an opportunity that's

sort of given to everyone it's on this whatever this thing is no one will see it and so you do it and then a few years later

it goes, well, it must have been on Terrestrial a few, you know, a couple of years later. Do you keep in touch with PC Plum and Miss Hooley?

I, yeah, yeah, if I'm in Glasgow, I'll see, I'll see them. Well, they went on this morning

last year to talk about 20 years since Balamori, just them two. You're sort of really genned up on it all of a sudden. You've got me absolutely

across this. This is your celebrity mastermind topic. I'm like a hacker. No, I just didn't know. It's so true. I'm in the grid. I had no idea that you were in it. And I feel like it's something that would have crossed my path before,

but like I say, it's a great opportunity to learn on the job. Well, I've done one or two other things, I suppose, but yeah, it's there. I would say it's your main thing. That's very much there. But yeah, it's there. I would say it's your main thing. That's very much there. Well done, Balamori. And so when you were dropping kids at primary schools and stuff, did anyone go, are you the bloke from Balamori?

Or did it not follow you around? Not to that extent. It depends on, I don't know, hair length. Obviously, I had rather more hair in those big curly hair. You look completely different now to that you wouldn't say look the same i think i'd say the words glow up it's my it's if i've moved to manage chelsea and i've really just started making effort um brendan rogers got the uh liverpool job and then got absolutely ripped remember that yeah yeah yeah i'll say you've had a glow up Miles my Jürgen teeth

yeah I I yeah I don't know really but also do people always say if they I don't know I'd have thought children

would be excited that one of Balamory but I think with children it's less likely because if you're used to watching someone on a of course TVs weren't now TV

people you're probably larger than life in someone's vulgar flat screen aren't you but in those days like people would like what you know you're sort of six foot and they used to see you on yeah yeah that's what if you were wearing a pink jumper and a kilt yeah and they might you might get more of it but in your normal clothes I used to until then but since then I've sort of been made a particular effort not to dress like that because obviously it used to be the sort of thing

I'd just throw on were you good mates with Frankie Boyle during the Balamore years yeah yeah I was already so he's like your best pal

isn't he I would have yeah I'd have met Frankie maybe like my fourth gig my fourth open spot something like that he'd have been comparing so I would have

there was a time when we were doing live floor show at the same time it was a BBC it was a sort of gang show and I would be doing

that on a Thursday but when you know the days either side of it I'd be doing one of the series overlapped or whatever so I'd be doing both at the same time

you were my favourite person to sit next to on Mock the Week because your your disdain for the whole process was super hard that's a tough gig

that show I used to find it hard I find I remember the first time I did it I just and I went and I sort of thought

who's on it and Mickey was on it so I went and knocked on his door and he opened the door and just saw my face and went come in

and I'll tell you what it's like and I you know I sort of and what I's like and I you know I thought what I liked about those programs I liked being on with like a bunch of people you knew and sort of having a laugh or whatever for the first

two hours and also sometimes you like no matter how many times on top of everything you've done so much preparation and then there's like then the nerves the more you do them the later the nerves kick in so you've thought you've forgotten that bit and then the music starts oh no i remember sitting next to once and the theme music started and i just went oh christ really loudly and we were still laughing about five minutes in there's always loads of people on that

I got on with and had a nice time I think but it would just be that bit that sort of half an hour before the bit when you'd run to the mics almost entirely about what's left in the news

and I just would never speak in that bit no because it seems really unlikely that they're going to have space for two minutes of jokes about the fact that it's been a bit windy this week or it's unseasonably hot or whatever so i'll just concentrate on the next bit

i think and i would just you know just sort of go into sort of standby mode for about yeah or try and remember the scenes i'd like to see joe because that was horrible i was so bad i was so bad at scenes we'd like to see that i was so bad at it that occasionally I'd try and... You know how they talk about... There's, like, myths that... Problem is, people will just walk past you to get to the mic and you just can't get to the mic. Myths, he says carefully. Yeah.

I would try and... Try and look like you were about to go. Look like I was about to go. And then, oh, God, he's gone again. I've got gold here and there's just I can't spend it I just can't get in my money's no good here

yeah it was just the sort of stamina aspect of it but I liked I really liked the sort of just being with a bunch of people that had gone well

people that I'd not seen before or whatever there's some people I think Ed Gamble I've only met on that I did his XFM was it XFM their show I did that the other day and I thought the only time I've've only met on that. I did his XFM, was it XFM, their shows?

I did that the other day, and I thought the only time I've met him was on that once and whatever, and we'd gone there. They'd just gone, and when it was on those studios on the South Bank, and you could stop serving your booze, you could go round the corner to a pub, and the sort of three hours afterwards was always really, you know, in the way that people in sports sort of miss the dressing room rather than... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, totally.

But the one thing I remember you would do is each week they'd have a Christmas story that they were then going to cut together for a Christmas special. But then we never got paid for the Christmas special, did we? No, and Miles would refuse to speak during the Christmas story because we weren't being paid for the Christmas special. Yeah. Do you remember that, Miles? I'm a union special. Yeah. Do you remember that, Mark?

I'm a union man. Yeah. It was cheeky, though, wasn't it? I thought, I did think it was cheeky. And I thought, why, no, what's going on?

There was one when they came in and said, can you do this round about the Olympics? And we went, oh, right. Yeah, it's the next week's show. I was going,

oh, well, I'm not on, I don't think I'm on the next week's show. But there was also something, there was a question i remember it was on it was on that olympics thing and there was a question about why somebody had been knocked out of an event and i um said something and uh it turned out that was the right answer and it was something quite unlikely and you turned to me josh and you went how the hell did you know that? And I was like, I didn't.

I was genuinely trying to be amusing. I had completely failed in that regard, but I had hit upon the correct answer. What I miss about doing those sort of shows is, and, well, I still do them, but those ones when, you know, that thing where you would just see people all the time and they but that like those ones and you know that thing where you would just see people all the time and they're kind of because you know by then you'd be doing solo touring probably so what you weren't doing is being in a dressing with a load of other people

which is often the sort of fun of the circuit was yeah going to going with the same you know doing three shows together in leeds with a bunch of people or in cardiff or manchester or whatever it might be suddenly you're not doing that whereas that would recreate that kind of that kind of vibe again so I used to enjoy that aspect they still do exist but they exist in podcasts and in YouTube videos they don't they just don't do it on telly they've become out of fashion on telly so yeah so people are now going to this this is our catch-up Miles this is our catch-up me you well How about unlikely things a podcaster would say? Right, and we all have to take two steps back for the mic, our own mic,

and then rush forward and be like, oh, don't like and subscribe. Yeah, yeah, things you'd never hear on a podcast. Oh, fucking shoot me in the head. That would be the confession. That wasn't a suggestion. Yeah, yeah. There probably is a podcast with that very name.

Toss me under the umbrella of your production company. Which a different celebrity comes on and explains why they wish to shoot themselves. It's not a bad idea. Who are you this week, Harry? I just don't feel myself. Thank you very much. What are we doing this week, Harry? I just don't feel myself. Thank you very much. Next week, we're talking to you. Oh, dear.

Let me ask you another question about parenting. Do you... Because you've moved out of London. Yeah. You moved from Peckham to Monmouth on the Welsh border. Do you have periods where you have to go away to work and come back and stuff? And how does that work, parenting-wise? Well, it that's that's one of the reasons why but the tour you're

like i can't do weekends and i can't do half terms because you have to make i want to be at home as especially after like everything you want i went through you kind of kind of kind of kind of oh i mean i don't know where to end his internet's gone this is beautiful this is unbelievable this is i'm like let's get a photo of his freeze frame. Oh, he's gone. He's completely cut out. Oh, it couldn't be better. What a way to finish.

That couldn't have been a better way to end, really. Miles Jupp, everyone. Should we do Miles' outro now, Josh, while we're here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Miles Jupp, what a wonderful man. Wonderful man. So funny. Shit internet. No, genuinely hilarious. Incredible story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Miles Jupp, what a wonderful man. Wonderful man. So funny. Shit internet.

No, genuinely hilarious. Incredible story, that, isn't it? Defo go and see his show. And it'll be a brilliant tour. Also, it's midweek as well, which is actually pretty good, because it doesn't take up your... You know, it's easier to get a babysitter midweek and stuff like that. But yeah, Miles Jupp, one of the funniest comics on the circuit.

Just hilarious. So go and see Miles Jupp in one of those places. He's not really doing anything... Canterbury might be my nearest. I thought he'd do a little Bromley, but maybe not. We'll see. I've got to London. Or we could have a Litchfield.

Big end of tour meet-up. Where is Litchfield? Fuck knows. See you there. See you. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Hello. I'm Giles Brandreth, and I'm excited to tell you about my brand-new podcast, Rosebud. It's me talking to famous and fascinating guests about their first memories. There's Dame Judi Dench talking about her first love. We were about six. I came up one day, and he was sitting up on the wall and he said to me,

I think we should call each other darling. Did you call each other darling? No, I didn't agree. And Alison Hammond not talking about hers. Who was your first proper boyfriend? This is very in-depth, this is, isn't it? I'm not sure this is going to be on Daily Mail. Come on, Alison.

Spill the tea. She does eventually. That's Rosebud with me, Giles Bradworth. Download and listen whenever you get your podcasts. Can't wait to share Rosebud with you. What is Oh My Dog with Jack T and Sean Walsh? This is what happens when two thick people make a podcast. Come together and talk about the moronic things they've done.

What about dogs? So Jack and Sean, do they talk about dogs? No, sometimes they just talk about their illnesses. Who should listen? You don't have to be mad to listen to this. Yes, you do. When you consider how many quality podcasts there are out there,

you've got to be off your nut to think, oh, I'll listen to this instead. Seriously, though, what is it? What is Oh My Dog? Well, you know,

they get a guest on and they talk about dogs and sometimes there's not a guest because they don't turn up. Sometimes one of the presenters is late because he gets locked

out of his house. I don't really know what it is, actually. Yeah, it's just a shambles any final thoughts with just two gentlemen running a podcast maybe it's called

Oh My Dog because it's what a podcast would be like if it was managed by dogs Oh My Dog with Jack D and Sean Walsh

new episode every Monday