Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S8 EP60: Frank Skinner

Episode Date: August 2, 2024

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian - Frank Skinner. You can get tickets for Frank's tour HERE Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the the listener with your tips, advice and of course

tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim if you shop low prices for school at Amazon.

Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon, spend less, smile more. Bumble knows it's hard to start conversations. Hey. No, too basic. Hi there. Still no. What about hello, handsome?

Ugh, who knew you could give yourself the ick? That's why Bumble is changing how you start conversations. You can now make the first move or not with opening moves You simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches then sit back and let your matches start the chat Download bumble and try it for yourself Hello and welcome to parenting how with Yeah, do you want to do that again or three? I that was pretty good Rob. Were you not happy with that? You forgot the with and then there was a beat.

But it's fine. Do you want to have another run at it? We could include the original one and see if the audience think whether I've been unfairly dealt with. Shall we ask Michael? He's sort of in the middle here. I think we should do it again, but I'm leaving that one in as well. Perfect. Okay. Oh, very on the fence. Worst of both worlds for me. Worst of both worlds.

It makes Rob look good. It's not as easy as you think. Yeah, I know. Exactly. Worst of both worlds for me. Worst of both worlds. It makes Rob look good. It's not as easy as you think. I know exactly. Worst of both worlds. Exactly. Hello and welcome to Parenting Hell with... Olive, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdekin?

Rob Beckett. I think that's my favourite attempt at Josh Widdekombe. What? Club by club. Good girl. I think that's my favourite attempt at Josh Widdicombe. Yeah. They're getting worse. Yeah, but then, you know, people will start to forget our names. Our careers are on the wane. Showbiz is a fickle mistress. It's a fickle beast.

You know, there's not many comedians that stay in the game 30 years and continue to be successful. Exactly. I like our next guest. Oh, that's nice. Do you want me to tell you who that was? And do you want to guess where they're from? Uh, sorry. No, rather them.

And they say, here is our two year old daughter, Olive attempting to say your names. We started listening in 2021 when I was pregnant with Olive and it really helped me hearing that you weren't the only ones not sleeping. Thank you for all the laughs. Say sexy and relatable. Yeah, the sleep never really comes back. I'm just up from 6am every day now. Oh, we're having a nightmare with my, well, not a nightmare,

but my son's back in the bed a lot now. We had a little phase of that with our six year old, but she's been a few nights of her just being in her own room. So fingers crossed. But it's a bit of, it's just a, it's like a tide. It's just in and out, in and out. So he's currently... It's not a tide. There's no bit of a... it's just a... it's like a tide. It's just in and out, in and out. So, well he's currently... It's not a tide. There's no hope of a tide, is there? It's just constantly in and out of the bed. No. Like a lake.

He's on a futon on our floor because we're on holiday and he doesn't... Sounds like a disgraced uncle. And he just falls off the futon, because obviously it's basically on the floor. We found him under our double bed this morning, just dead center, just fast asleep under our double bed. What, dead center just fast asleep under our double bed. What on just wood or carpet or what you got? On carpet just fast asleep on the carpet like a cat. If he's asleep he's asleep I'm not getting him up. Fair enough. I need to do a thank you. Okay. I'm not gonna name them but a policeman dropped into my DMs. Josh is 2024 police officer.

Yeah, a police officer who was male. Yeah, so what's that got to do with anything? Well, nothing, but you know, just saying. So he got in touch with me and they said that I should be able to get a crime reference number for my cloned plate and that I'd been misled before. If anyone has just tuned in and starting from this episode, Josh's number plate was cloned and has been used on another car that's getting speeding tickets, parking tickets and fines and Josh is having to pay them because some councils won't accept his explanation that

his registration has been cloned. So that happened. I had to go through his official channels because you can't get a crime reference number through Instagram DMs. You can if you've got enough money. And I've sent it to Barking Council. Oh, that's a good email. Yeah. I'm yet to get a response.

So it's still pending. They're going to be the dog house. Yeah. A few thank yous to a few people. The person who sent me the... So is this an Emmy acceptance speech? Yeah, the DM. But this guy, thank him, because it is a crime and he told me it's not gonna happen again because they did find the car, they just didn't tell me about it. He found it on the computer and it had been used to smash into another car. Ah what for like insurance? Well neither of them wanted it reported as a crime so you can draw your own conclusions from

that Rob. You are uncloned. I am uncloned. Cheers to that. Cheers to that. Open the champagne, let's go roles, we're back in the game. Right, just to say if you do get your number plate cloned We're back in the game. Right. I'm just to say if you do get your number plate cloned, keep the faith. Insist on a crime reference number. Insist on a crime reference number because you are due one. Yeah. You are due one.

Now, Frank Skinner. That's a good show, is it? I would say my greatest comedy hero growing up for me, there was Frank Skinner and there was Harry Hill they were the two people. Oh, Stuart Lee when you first started I thought I was watching a fucking tribute act. Too bloody right Rob but that was a bit later on because I saw him at University. Yeah. When I was growing up I had the Frank Skinner video live in Birmingham and I watched it so many times that the, do you remember with videotapes it would warp so that the crowd sounded like they were kind of a sea?

Like it was like... Yeah, let's bring on Frank Skinner. The greatest. Hello, Frank Skinner. Hello. We are very, very happy to have you on. Dream guest, dream guest. We've been waiting a long time, Frank. I'm sorry about that.

No, it's all right. It's all right. The good things come to those who wait, et cetera. How are you? I'm splendid. Thank you very much. I'm still, you know, pass around Biden style. I am refusing to stand down. That is the... How old are you Frank? Is that all right to ask?

Because you can't say. I think you can only not ask ladies. I'm 67. 67. 67. Because you were older than David and the other kind of comedians of that ilk in the 90s. So you always had that I'm slightly older thing going on, right?

Yeah. I feel like even when we did Taskmaster together, Greg's constantly needling you for being old. Yeah. I think you've been carrying it around for 30 years. Well, no, because I've switched. The generations of comics have moved on and I'm still operational. So the gap has widened between me and people like yourselves. Then I was that slightly older guy. Now I'm like those bodies.

They dug out of the bogs in Ireland, sort of medieval rotting. You can see on me, but I quite like the old estatesman thing. I get like quite young comics come up to me and say, Oh, I read your book. And then I decided to be a comedian. And I like that. That was one of the main reasons I became a comedian was your book. I mean, that's fantastic though. I love that because comedy sort of saved my life would be extreme, but it definitely completely changed it for the better. So if anyone else has done comedy because of me,

I feel it's a bit like, you know, evangelical work. That makes me very. I think as well, though, like that, you know, say like different generations of comic, especially they look up to you, I think because of that book that was passed around on the open mic circuit of like if you're starting out that your one and Steve Martin's one were the two like oh if you're getting into stand up these are the ones that make you sort of fall in love with it and then also as well I think where people do stand up but then you go off and do other things so like you know certain people try and do more acting or films or even like albums or hosting quizzes and stuff and you've

done lots of different stuff but you've always come back and done another tour. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And I think that's what you are at your heart is a stand-up that does other bits and whereas as comics do get older they don't always do the work and make sure. I saw your show, your one, your touring, well I say touring, you're doing in the West End and it's... And then I'm touring.

And then you're touring. It's so funny and it's so... you can tell there's so much care in it and that you absolutely love the craft of stand up and you get a buzz from doing it. You're not just going, not that one for a few years, earn a couple of quid and then I can go back to sit on the sofa. You can tell that there's a love for it there. That's not a fault of then in all your long career. You've always still had that passion. Mike Tyson said, if I'm going to lose, they're going to have to carry me out on my shield. And that's kind of how I feel.

It's such a special thing to be able to do. I want to give it absolute massive attention and respect. So I think if you disrespect it, it's like, you know, the bird of comedy will fly away if you're not kind. Yeah. Yeah. And I think I honestly think that I think I'll be punished by the waking up one morning and becoming one of those people who just doesn't have a joke in their soul.

They do exist. Those people do exist. Yeah. I met someone yesterday who said, I don't like comedy. I never laugh at jokes. I don't like jokes. And she said, I was introduced to you when you were five, when I was five, rather. And she said, you told me a lot of like kids jokes to make me laugh. And none of them worked.

And I obviously I remember that gig. I remember everything. It's only 20 years ago. We will get on to parenting, but I want to say about one of the formative things. You're not wrong. Parenting really helped me. It's me being the parent of a lot of young aspiring comedians. You are the sort of dad of comedy in the UK. Actually on that, have you ever had someone say to you, oh, your book is the reason I got into comedy and you've thought, oh, that's a shame. No, well, there's always, it's a double whammy because if they're brilliant, then you feel that you've created something wonderful. And if they're rubbish, you're just satisfied at the fact there's no threat.

Is that why you're so nice to Josh? It's a bit of fun, isn't it? I have to say, one of the things that show business hasn't had full respect for over the years and full recognition is show business has always been a place for the not very good, often at the absolute top of the tree. A lot of industries, you know, they're ferreted out and removed early on, but not just comedy, but all branches of entertainment. There are people who are genuinely poor, who've achieved, you know, star status. And I'm proud of that. Otherwise, where would those people go? status and I'm proud of that. Otherwise, where would those people go?

We've all got names. No, let's not. One of my formative comedy experiences was when I was 14, I got Frank Skin Alive in Birmingham on VHS for Christmas and I had no idea how blue it would be. Not your parents probably? No and I watched it with my parents who were very liberal and so they were fine with it but it was incredibly blue to a level I didn't understand a lot of it and I loved that about it because your new tour is 30 years of dirt, is that right?

Yeah. Is it still as extremely blue as it was? No. No. There are sections that are, certainly. But at that point, I was one of those blokes who never had much success with women at all until I became a celebrity. I think when handsome and beautiful people become celebrities, they're never fully appreciated. I'm saying this, I'm not saying

which category I put either of you in. For me, it was honestly like I've been driving around in a cab, a black cab without the light on, so nobody raised their hand and suddenly my light came on. And, you know, I was able to have, I believe the word is sex. And so when that joke came out, I still had the zeal of the convert. It was still very new and exciting to me. And it was my large part of my, you know, my leisure pursuit. Because you didn't drink. Yeah, I stopped drinking.

So I had nothing else to do other than have sex really and write jokes. Not in that order, I should say. By the way, Josh, when I think your iPad's on a setting, it zooms in and out of your face. I know. It's weird. Because it was like you said like sex and the camera just moved into your eyes and then out again, like a YouTuber. They used to do on Parkinson when he asked you a question that was supposed to

make you cry, the camera used to go right in. They had me lined up on Parkinson to talk about my battle with the bottle and all. Oh, they love that. And he said to me, so you've had a drinking problem, didn't you, for many years? And I said, no, I loved drinking. It was only, you know, the reason I drank for years is because it was brilliant. I've never replaced it in any area of my life. The white heat of joy of drinking was fantastic.

It was the last few months that made me stop when it went a bit wrong, but mainly it was brilliant. And my agent said he was in the green room and he'd seen the camera coming really close on me. And then I'd said, Oh, brilliant alcoholism. Parkinson got quite angry with me. Got quite shirty. Was he a bit aggy?

Parkinson, that sort of clean cut image, but I think he was quite a taskmaster. Yeah, there was a guy on there who was the rower who isn't Steve Redgrave, Matthew Pinson. You know, they have him lined up and he was sitting next to me and I said, Matthew, you must find this. I forget what he's talking about. I said, Matthew, you probably find this as an athlete. And Parkinson said, are you doing an interview or talking to him? Why is he here? Why do you have him out here?

It was really bizarre. Can I tell you one Michael Parkinson story? Yeah. Yeah. Roy slow talker Walker told me it was the man for the catchphrase. And he said Parkinson was a bit of a, a bit of a player, a bit of a London, uh, Mr. Cool. And he arrived in his Rolls Royce at the BBC one day, Royce, Low Talker, Walker, and Eric Morecambe was parking his Rolls Royce at the same time. And they walked towards the lift. The lift doors open and there was Michael Parkinson in a full length black leather overcoat and a large black leather cap, one of those 70s style cup.

And Eric Morcom said, hello, Parky, have you come as a wallet? Before we get into parenting, how did you find coming into the world of TV in that era where, as someone from a working class background, when I came into TV I found it off-centre and overwhelming. You were like 20 years before and you've got these sort of establishment people and very middle class and a lot of nepotism and you sit there, you get told what to do. You sort of was almost like subservient to those producers and stars. How did you find that? Because you don't suffer fools gladly. I think that's a fair comment to say, Frank. So how did you deal with that? Because that must have been frustrating. I love fools. I studied them. That brought me great joy, but working with them is difficult.

I always give advice now to anyone who's going into telly for the first time, that one thing you have to learn to do is learn to be able to deal with people who know a lot less than you about comedy, telling you about comedy. And I don't know if I ever quite mastered that skill, but that's how you get on. The first program I did was called do the right thing. Oh yeah. I remember that. It's a moral dilemmas show.

I was the regular panelist with Terry Wogan as the host. And then we did a thing called gag tag, which had lots of old comics versus new comics, the idea of the alternative scene versus the mainstream. And on both of those, I was pretty good actually. And then you get treated with a bit more respect. Bob Monkhouse was on. The producer said to me, sometimes if you get a really big laugh in the edit, we have to remove this squeaking sound. And it's the squeaking sound is Bob writing it down with a felt pen.

And Bob left his, you know, his famous joke books, Bob Monk. Yeah, they got stolen, didn't they? Well, he left them in the green room before that thing ever happened. So me and the producer had a look through them. They were brilliant. He'd done a fabulous cartoon for each heading. So it would say golf and it would be a cartoon figure hitting a golf ball into the distance with a perfect perspective. And then he'd have all these, I don't know what his color coding was, but lots of different colored ink pens.

And at the end initials, and I found about like 20 of my gags in there were just next to them. Was he using them or was he just enjoying the fact like he was collecting them? Well, you know, he did a lot of club gigs and I think, you know, I met a guy called Gordon Astley once. It was a really sweet bloke and he was, he presented the last series of Tizwas and I met him and he said, Oh, it's great to meet you. He said, your stuff always goes really well.

And I thought he meant I was good, but when he did it, it was a different world, you know, really. Let's talk about parenting. You've got one son. Yes. How old is he? He's 12. He's 12. I actually met him, didn't I? I met you guys at the download festival with Robin. We were so drunk. I felt really bad. You know, when you bump into like, what is a really lovely father, son day out and the son's still quite young and you're just too marooned in drunk lunatics.

I was like, oh God, we're too pissed. a really lovely father, son day out and the son's still quite young and you're just too marooned in drunk lunatics. I was like, Oh God, we're too pissed. Well, I didn't notice it. You were less drunk than Romesh. So he was really bad in context. You almost see him sober. And so is the download festival, is he into heavy metal music? He's massively into heavy metal.

Yeah. And are you into heavy metal music? Well, I was into heavy metal when I was about 15, 16, 17. Heavy Metal music. He's massively into Heavy Metal. Yeah. And are you into Heavy Metal music? Well, I was into Heavy Metal when I was about 15, 16, 17, and then sort of punk happened and I got into that, moved into all the sorts of things, but it's all come back to me now, the lure of Heavy Metal and also to get older, someone really screaming and playing a low guitar is one of the few things that gets through the fog. I've taken to it again and discovered new bands. We were at a thing called 2000 Trees a couple of weeks ago, which is another festival.

We saw ACDC at Wembley. Oh, wow. Yeah, we got Alice Cooper and Slipknot coming up this year. Was that December, the Slipknot one? Yeah, that's right. It's sort of Christmas. Yeah, it'd be lovely if we get the boat back from the Oats. It's sort of the 23rd, 21st of December.

It will feel like a Christmas experience. And so is that your thing, like, is that your kind of father son bonding thing is heavy metal music? Well, it's that and Dr. Who. So he's got Dr. Who. And he said to me, do you think we could go back, not to the very beginning of Dr. Who, but the beginning of revival, yeah, 2005 and watch every episode. And that for me, I've been in a hotel room and that woman saying, I'm not going to say it, but something that's really like, what I'm saying is it's always better when it's their idea.

What are you like as a dad, Frank? Because I can't call it, do you know what I mean? Having met you. It was a bit like, I know when this podcast first started, it was about homeschooling and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah. I went into homeschooling. I thought this is going to be so good.

I will be like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, and I'll be really inspirational. And day one, I was saying to him, eight and eight. What is it not about that? And I've got that, I've got a bit of irritability in me. Because you find you're obviously incredibly bright. You're like fast in terms of wit, but also you are interested in so many things. You've got a huge kind of hinterland, should they say. And like, you know, as you said, in TV, you're dealing with people possibly who aren't as, you know,

good as you. Do you find then with a child difficult to kind of deal with the fact that they don't understand poetry and classical music, opera. No, they don't. It's not that. I mean, it's very, very unusual for me to have a person in my life who I don't mind being funnier than me. Is that the first time that's ever happened? Yeah. So I can be genuinely, if he says something funny, I can be genuinely pleased. Almost not quite as if I'd said it myself.

Yes. The sort of selflessness. And you didn't have that with David Baddiel? I don't remember him ever making me laugh. That's not true. I don't remember him ever making me laugh. And it's not true. He phones me on my own extinction. If I say anything like that, clearly lighthearted, he'll f*** me up and say,

I heard about that thing you said. Oh really? Yeah, yeah. I'll speak to it once, he was going on about a critic that wrote something about, I mean like 1999, which was like last year. He still remembers it it he keeps me on a pretty tight leash I think of these as like body jokes you know but he takes them as personal slights so I have to keep them

at a minimum okay all right and is he is he funny then? Like is there a, because obviously you pride funny as a big thing. Yes, the biggest. The biggest, the only. Even when he was very, very young, there was a strange, I never worked out whether this was accidental or whether it was some sort of deep subliminal standup comedy already manifesting in him, but he'd had his eyes tested at school. So he made an eye chart of his own and I had to be tested on it. And he'd made basic errors.

Like all the letters were the same size and things like that. It was at the time when he didn't say ABC, he said abc. So I had to read it like that. So we went through, he'd written the letters and I got to this letter and I thought, oh, I can't quite work it. I said, is that a? And he said, no. I said, is it e? And he said, no. And I thought, oh, I'm struggling there. Maybe put a short stick on it. Is it d? He said, no. I said, I give up. He said, it's a balloon. I remember thinking there was no agreement. They would all be letters. You know what I mean? It actually works well as an actual joke. Yeah. But I don't know whether it was a balloon that he put in as a prank.

There was a time, there's a street near me and there's one of those with two poles sticking up that you have to drive through, which is always stressful. And I went to, and I slightly touched one of the poles and I thought it's only that beyond the black bumper. And then when I parked my car, I went in the house and boss said, have you seen the side of your car? And I went out and he had a massive scratch on it. And I was really like, I'd had the car about three days and I was got it actually had to sit down. I was so upset.

He gave me about two minutes and then explain that was a sticker that he got out the beano. was a sticker that he'd got out the beano. He'd been waiting for a moment. Exactly. Yeah. That's been buzzing in the back of the car. That's a good thing. He was hiding once under a blanket in his bedroom on the floor. I was going to go up and then something happened and I went up about 10 minutes later and he jumped out and went, boo, he's tiny. And he was red and covered in sweat and he'd stayed under that blanket,

not wanting to spoil the joke. And I thought, that's my boy. Which is the name of my new slimming video. Is that a Middlesbrough mug? Yeah. I did a gig in Middlesbrough. You know, when you do a gig sometimes and you get like a little, local themed gifts. Middlesbrough, it was a Middlesbrough mug and a Middlesbrough pen.

And I think some Middlesbrough rock. Oh, really? Popular with Middlesbrough tourists. Yeah. I didn't know they were famous for their rock. No I don't know if they are. I've never been to the beach in Middlesbrough. Is there one? There's a river? Because they play at the Riverside Stadium. Was it Janinio or someone got shown around London rather than Middlesbrough when he signed for Middlesbrough? Brian Robson never took him there, he just showed him around London and then they signed. It

feels like an urban myth. Well I've seen, you know, Caranca was their manager, the Spanish guy. I was on a train with him going up to like to Newcastle and then you change I think from Newcastle to Middlesbrough and then I was on the train with him the whole way, him and his wife. It was a bit awkward because obviously I don't imagine his wife wanted to leave Madrid for Middlesbrough. It's not normally, that's not normally the route you go. She was sort of not looking too happy. He was looking more and more nervous. And as we got into Middlesbrough, her fate and no offence to Middlesbrough, but it's a jump from Madrid. As it pulled into Middlesbrough station, the look she gave him, this is our

life is it for four years? It felt like a real moment in time, of just watching this couple, the realisation. Like the wife of someone slaying the mafia. Yeah, yeah! This is it now. How did it feel taking your son to the download and backstage and things like that?

Because you're a slightly older dad and then you sort of think like your kid's younger and all different trends and stuff coming. Luckily, he was into heavy metal and stuff, but it must be pretty cool to be able to take him backstage at download where all the bands are, the Queens of the Stone Age were there and Royal Blood, and you're right in it and having access to the bands.

It must feel pretty cool as a dad. It is, it's brilliant. It also though, I find myself saying to him, you know, my dad didn't introduce me to major bands and stuff like that. I need him to know that it's special. Yeah. I've introduced him now to so many, you know, I've got photos of him with Judas Priest and Bruce Dickinson and stuff.

And I love to be able to give him that gift, I've got photos of him with Judas Priest and Bruce Dickinson and stuff. And I love to be able to give him that gift, but I think if things went wrong on the career front and I ran out of money, I don't know how he'd be now just being in row W at Amherst Smith Apollo, you know, it wasn't a problem my dad had, but it was the only celebrity things we had in our, any connection at all on our mirror in the living room. There was a signed photo of Noel Gordon, you know, that was star across crossroads. Yeah.

I had a Bonham Carter, my mom, but in her open a supermarket and a pound note signed by Ginger Baker from cream. Cause my dad worked at Land Rover and he was buying a Land Rover or receiving one. And in those days, people used to get like pound notes signed. Wow. As a working class bravado. So it is brilliant to be able to do that, but I'm probably setting up a precedent which is going to at one point find I can't keep up. Well, I think you're probably the first parent we've spoken to on here in terms of the journey

from your childhood to their childhood. You're the first one we spoke to add an outside toilet. Yeah. To be fair, all the toilets are outside even backstage at Download. That was a full childhood to their childhood. You're the first one we spoke to add an outside toilet. Yeah. To be fair, all the toilets were outside, even backstage at Download. So it was a full circle moment. That is true. There was a thing with my dad that the council came round

and said, we're going to, they modernized our council house. They said, we're going to put you a toilet inside the house. And he said, that doesn't sound very hygienic. That's a heavy drinker's view of the potential of having an indoor toilet. Your childhood is so different from your son's. Do you worry about that kind of, like, obviously you'd say your career disappearing, but on the other side of it, do you worry that there's this situation where it's like, God, he's got everything just there for him?

Because I know I do worry that about my kids. Yeah, but you know, I talk to people who go on and on about sending their kids to state school and the state school they're sending them to has got a catchment area of half a mile in which every house is worth five and a half million. I remember a bloke said to me once, you know, if you send your son to a private school, you need to never try and defend it because it's indefensible. And I said, well, the difference is, you know, I want my kid to have a bit more than I did and you want your kids to have a bit less.

I do want him. I wasn't on an airplane until I was 33. You know, I never, the only people I know, my brother-in-law had been abroad during national service. I didn't know anyone who had been to a holiday abroad or stuff like that. Well, obviously I don't want him to have that. That would be insane. And also I think the one thing when I was living in a dirty old bed seat in Birmingham or living in a council house with my family, one thing that would have got me most of all is rich people pretending they aren't

rich. If you know what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. You know, if you've been a few Bob and you've done okay, then you know, come out with it. Don't say, well, you know, I don't have as much as, Oh, sure. Cause like I always think, you know, when you get someone like probably picking a name out, but someone like Bill Gates or Richard Branson, they go, I'm going to give my children no money.

So they have to do it themselves. Yeah. I just think that is causing more problems than it's solving. Yeah. By a million miles, surely to God. I think the famous one was the woman who owned the body shop. Anita Roddick. Yeah. She said she wouldn't give her children any money and all go to charity.

You know, I like keeping it in the family. I mean, you'll have much better problems than I have. How much privilege or money you have. Everyone has problems, but slightly less intense problems. Frank, when you were growing up, I don't know if I read this here, but did you have to scream in the garden? Did you go in the garden to scream? Yeah, I didn't have to. You said you have to scream. No, I, I,

when I was on my way to the outside toilet one night, and then of course you're released from the house and you're a little kid and you're in the freedom of the dark garden. So I walked to the top of the garden council houses around there and got pretty big guns. I walked to the top of the garden and I really felt the urge to scream. So I'm right, literally outspread my arms and really screamed at the sky, you know, about seven or eight times and it felt great.

So I started on a regular basis saying, you know, I'm just going to the toilet and then going up the garden and screaming. And then one night Mr. Young next door was letting his dog out for its last night business and he heard me screaming and told my parents and I got banned. But I loved it. I can't tell you how great it felt. Because I used to scream into a pillow to release. Because obviously it was too small. You couldn't do it in a little garden and other people were here. So there's a way to do it. But I sort of feel like with

my kids, and I don't know if you feel like this with your son, it's like, how do you feel if you saw him screaming like that? And was that scream, because there was obviously a cause for that scream, was that sort of an inbuilt thing in your genetics or the situation you were in at the time that forced you in led to it. I had that most unpopular of celebrity things, a happy childhood. The scream, I don't know quite what the scream was, but I didn't, it wasn't like inner anguish. No. There's a theory I think called the primal scream, which used to be a therapy. Yeah, John Lennon did it.

Yeah, and just absolutely do that. I don't know what you're releasing exactly. I'd be worried if he was screaming at the top of the garden. Exactly. But even though he was in, if he came back when, oh, that was great. You'd be like, fucking hell. Yeah. Do you need to have a word? He's loving it, but he is screaming. Yeah. It's quite possible that he would have been influenced by Rob Holford from Judas Priest. Yeah. It might just be a heavy metal thing that he's got to do. What I used to do, it was for a night, it felt good. It was almost like getting some energy out

or you didn't have anywhere to put that energy. Do you know what I think you could do with it a bit more now Rob? Just as times I meet you. I still have to do it now and again. Do you? But then when I'm super busy with work, I'd say I feel like my battery's 150%, but then I book in too much work that depletes it. But when I've come back off holiday and I've not worked too much, if I'm not doing stuff I've got a lot of energy to get out.

Who's that guy screaming in the toilet or radio too? Jeremy Vine. What a guess! Do you, Frank, have, does your son have any kind of interest in your career? Obviously the Euros came round and everyone's saying it's coming home. Is that impressing him, stuff like that? Has he come to see your stand up? Certainly.

In 2018, that was the first time he showed any interest in football. And at that point we went to number one, people were singing it in the street. It's coming home memes were everywhere. And that was brilliant because otherwise it would have been an old man's story. And he might not have believed it, but he actually witnessed, you know, we were at games where people sang it in the euros after that. So that was brilliant. When, uh, Kath was pregnant, Kath is my partner and I had my photo took by this guy.

And I was obsessed with what being a parent would do to my career and stuff like that. You know, you know, that Cyril Connolly quote, the most somber enemy of artists that pram in the hallway. That worried me a bit. And I said to this guy, do you do less work? He's quite a top photographer. I said, do you do less work since you've had kids? He said, no, I do more work because I want them to see it.

So I'll be their hero. But I think if he'd have come along in the white heat of my career, when I was doing like five series a year and stuff like that, like you guys, where you are now, say, I think he'd have seen a lot less of me. I think he's better off having me as a slightly bitter old has been, who's around a lot, rather than a flavor of the month who he just sees once a month. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think that's a fair point though, because we've had to really, well,

I speak for myself, I've had to make conscious decisions to manage that and turn down stuff that you think, well actually if I didn't have kids I definitely would have taken that and that might have set my career in this path but it's that balance of doing less because you don't want to be the guy who's just there. And actually ironically that doing this podcast has enabled me and Josh to do that a bit more because you can record it from home and it gives you a bit of flex but yeah definitely I think that is a consideration of like your career does take an impact, especially for women, obviously, because there's a recovery for their body on top of just the fact that you're busier, you know.

I think for me as well, you know, timing, as they always say, is very important in this business. All my courting years, all the years when I was dating, was a time when men paid for everything. They did all the driving, they paid for every meal, they got the women were like princesses. And then when you sort of married them and had children, you think, well, my work is now done. You would come in from the factory, get your newspaper out and all the childcare would be done by your wife. And that was the deal.

But what I did because of bad timing, I was in that period where I paid for everything and did all the driving. And then just as I got to having children, it had changed how men had to do loads of childcare and stuff as well. So I got the worst of both worlds. And I've always been slightly bitter about that. Imagine just coming in with a newspaper and putting your feet up and there's like screaming kids

and it's not your problem. Men's like that seventies, early eighties set up. But there's still, around my way, there's still a lot of people where it's like that. If they've got like a hard graph job, they come home and they're like, I've done me work. Where's my dinner? I'm going to sit down now. And it's like, if I did that,

I've recorded six hours of voiceover. We're going to put my feet up and get the paper out. I mean, I know people in the media who still live like that. Blugs. I think it still happens a lot. Still got a mate who'll come around the house and say, oh, you're not watching Man City versus Everton. And I said, no, I can only watch West Brom games live on the telly. I can't watch casual neutral games like that. I have to buy these moments and he couldn't believe it. And so there's still blokes like that around. You know, they've got the deal. I've got a system for that though, Frank,

because all I want to do is watch the football weekend. I'll make sure that I'll like get up early, walk the dog on a Saturday. Then I'll say to the kids, like if they've got football or whatever, I'll take them to football and then out for a bit of food to try and get in just for the half 12 kickoff. Yeah. And then there's a slight switch over where Lou sort of done whatever she wanted that morning. And then she has them for a bit of food to try and get in just for the half 12 kickoff. Yeah. And then there's a slight switch over where Lou's sort of done whatever she wanted that morning and then she has them for a couple of hours and then I'll nip in again between about two and five thirty to take them somewhere else for a few hours and then get back in

time for the five thirty. This is why you are so angry at the boring teams in the Premier League because they are your leisure time. I always think why is Rob so angry that Bournemouth are in the Premier League because they are your leisure time. I always think, why is Rob so angry that Bournemouth are in the Premier League? It's because you've bought that time for yourself. And now is Bournemouth be full of. I know that is frustrating if it's a shit game. You've done all that in the morning. You've livid.

I've sort of eradicated leisure time, Mr. Why I've done it. So I basically work or spend time with the family. That's where I am. I don't have individual me leisure time anymore. No, if I do, it's like an extended break where like I'll go somewhere for a thing. So like I went to Berlin for the football and like a sort of 24 hours thing. It has to be a sort of a live event.

A really relaxing experience that one. A really nice bit of leisure time. No, but it'll be like a boxing event or a football match or something like that, that I'm never just meeting mates in the pub for a drink anymore. That's gone. Well, I took Buzz to the final of the Euros at Wembley, you know, the ones when we lost to Itty. When we arrived, we were dropped at the VIP entrance, you know, and I got, just as we was getting out of the car, Mel C was getting out at the same time.

So there was me, Buzz and Mel C walking along this thing towards fatality when suddenly the wall literally caved in and all these blokes that we know shirts on and England tattoos and stuff just kicked the wall in. And it was that terrible moment, which we all fear, I think, when the masses cross the velvet rope. I thought this is how Marie Antoinette must have when the French Revolution started. It was terrifying.

These blokes just literally kicked a wall down and then broke into wedlock. Oh my God. I'd say a perfect end to the Frank Skinner story would be dying with England at the Euros final with one of the Spice Girls. They would tie it up nicely. 30 years of dirt, Frank, to return to that at the end. Do you know the dates of it off the top of your head? I do, I actually do. I've done how much publicity I do know the dates. I'm at the Gielgud Theatre in Shaftesbury Avenue from the 5th to the 24th of August. So really August. Most comics are in Edinburgh. I'm in the West End. Oh, that's the dream, isn't it?

And then after that, I just go around the country again. What's that like when you're every night working in the West End? Like is that quite a weird kind of, it's not like you're in Edinburgh where it's like the whole things you're living your normal life and then you just start supposed to go out to work at 6pm or whatever. Does that, is it quite a weird way to live or? It is because one of the things I really like about touring is being away. Whatever anyone says, if your partner says, like, you know, my partner's

going away for the weekend, it's hard to stop that tingle of excitement. And the idea of just being on your own for four or five days is great. I've said before, I would tour without the gigs. I just like being in like male company in a car on a motorway at 3 AM and all that and staying in hotels, seeing strange towns, you know, second hand book shops in Shropshire. I've changed. I like the whole process of it, whereas you don't get that when you're in the West End.

I did the Garrick Theatre for five weeks just before Covid and I walked in and it was about an hour and 10 minutes to walk in. And I thought that was like a way of making it a sort of positive thing. I like to be on first name terms with the stage door person. Because you know, in the old days, Austria would have been doing summer seasons and stuff like that when you're up in the mountains for ages. But the residency has sort of faded a bit now. Mole Hearn still does it in Butlins. It's one of the last few where he still goes there and does weekends where they

sell the whole weekend on it off his name. Fantastic. So it's the only way to see him. You can't just sort of go in for like the Friday. You'd have to be there for the whole weekend and on one night he does a show. He's brilliant. But yeah, it's a bit way to see him. You can't sort of go in for like the Friday. You have to be there for the whole weekend. And on one night, he does a show. He's brilliant. But yes, a bit of an old school thing that, you know, I always read the brochures at theatres to see what else is on. I like to live it at the price as well.

He's fucking shit. He's done with me. Yeah, I know that they must be living when they leave or more livid about is when I'm charging 28 quid a ticket. And then in the program, it says like 39 pound 23 and it's things like buying fee. Yeah. Owning the theatre fee and stuff. Theatre levy.

Yeah, all that. Theatre levy. I've not put a fucking mortgage levy on my ticket on top of the price. We fucking, sort your fucking theatre out of the money that's going through the door. Don't add more. I can either be Mr. Nice guy, which is my natural thing is don't charge too much and be outraged that it's been added on. So if I say 28 quid and someone's paying 37, that seems wrong to me.

Yeah. Or if I wanted to be a complete asshole, I could think, well, hold on, we're on a split here. Where's my split of your extra nine quid that you've got? I don't get any of that. The show's brilliant. I saw it when you was in London on your last run. You was a bit unwell on the day, but you didn't notice it, but you referenced it a little bit. It's horrible when you're not feeling well, but I don't know if you remember that one. You was a bit unwell. It'll be worth doing it again just to not do it with flu. Yeah. Influenza I was what I had. I don't know how many letters there are of influenza,

but I actually, in the end, we had to get a doctorate because I really thought I might die. I felt so terrible. Oh, really? Well, it's still a brilliant show. Would you like to die on stage like Tommy Cooper? That would have been my ideal way to go. But since I've had a kid and stuff, I don't think I want to die in the wings anymore.

I drop in the bosom of my family. Oh, do you know what? Sometimes you think what would be the perfect end to the podcast? And then you knew it was drawing to a close. We set you up. You finished it in a lovely manner, Frank. We do have the final question, Josh, though, which we should ask Frank. Fuck that off then, you know.

We can edit that round. I'll tell you one thing, by the way, and I was going to ask you guys about this for advice, but probably too late now. I thought that the surly difficult teenager thing started at about 15 and it started at about 12. Yeah. Right, Okay. I'm struggling with that because he was a sort of oasis of light and warmth in the house when I needed to flee from my partner.

And now I just feel that he's on the bench to replace her. He's not in a sufficiently bad mood. He can be called on to bolster the midfield a bit. Have you all found that? I was a young guy. I was too young, but people have, I'd say it starts, now it starts at secondary school, doesn't it? I don't know why that is, because it should be, it's chemical, isn't it, rather than

cultural. But everyone says it's before teenage, the teenage thing. Well, it's Kevin and Perry, it was when he turned 13, wasn't it, was to change over. Yeah. Some people would be quoting child psychologists when comedians get together and do post-curriculum math. I agree with you though, Frank.

I think being funny and humor is the most important thing because it's the only thing that's always helpful in every situation I find if you can make light of it It will be helpful if you're really good at maths if something's gone wrong you go quick chat about Pythagoras It doesn't it that well that is good for that, but not in every situation So I think using Kevin and Perry as an example I mean, I'll go and watch them again

No But what I would say is I'm dreading it because, and I wonder whether this is a comedian thing because I'm incredibly needy as a person in that we all are dear. Yeah, exactly. And I know that I'm going to really struggle with justifying to myself, it's fine. This will pass. I know I'm going to struggle to deal with that. But do you what it's like? I've been telling myself for years that I've found this whole

new brand of pure love for my child. And it's much less complicated than loving a partner, you know, a girlfriend, because there's all sorts of messy stuff around that. These just felt straightforward love. And now he's having similar moods, as I say, to my partner. And it's a bit like the deterioration of a relationship. So I really wasn't expecting that. And then by the time you sort of go, okay, well, let's pick up the pieces. This is what he is now because he's a teenager, not a little boy, but then he'll change again and become a man.

Yeah. And then it's another shift. But, you know, it could be saying to me, I'm really into Dua Lipa, where you take me to a gig, you know, one of her gigs. Yeah. And then, you know, can we sit down and watch changing rooms? Sorry, is he a nan from 997? I've got Doctor Who and Heavy Metal. Changing! Changing?

I'd say... No, no, we can't go back to that. Carol Smiley can't walk through a primary school anymore because kids are such a fan of changing rooms. The amount of love I've given you, Frank, for saying how over your long career you're still managing to connect with a younger audience, but that reference point needs changing.

You can't keep changing. I had a Biden moment. If my child was into changing rooms, I'd be incredibly worried that they managed to find it on YouTube and B. I'd say turn it off and go and scream in the garden. Don't ever tell anyone you're changing rooms, it's a general rule. Pardon, sorry. Carol Smiley by the way was my, you know when you get rear of the year, they have a male one and a female one. She was my co-rear of the year. So you won rear of the year

male award? Yeah I did. Now Frank I've never noticed your ass. Was it good at that point or is it still good? What kind of ass you're dealing with? It's broken free of its moorings in life. But it used to be like a clenched fist. Wow. Okay. Fair enough. Yeah. What year was that? That was 99, I think. Oh, wow.

Is there a physical award? I tell you, you will not believe it's one of the best actual awards I've ever heard. It's like, you know, the women's singles thing that play. Women's singles at Wimbledon. It's like that. It's an enormous silver plate. I've just seen the press photos you must have seen these Frank you are what looks like in a park with Carol Smiley and I should add you've got a great ass in this photo right? Thank you very much. You've also got the longest pants I've ever seen like cycle shorts. They were worried about me because I arrived in briefs and they're worried about my VPL.

So they gave me like long johns. This is absolutely fucking insane. You look like a flasher in a park. Carol Smiley's in head to toe leather red. Yeah. And you've got these giant pantaloons and trousers around your ankles. Carol said no basically to the Long Johns. It's absolutely insane. I was working for two as they say. And you know what they're not wrong though your arse looks great. Looks like it's been CGI'd.

It used to be. It used to be great. It's massive! Rock hard arse! I never knew, never knew, Froke. How did you feel when they contacted you about Rio of the Year? About time, two years too late. Yeah, was it a surprise or had it been on the cards that they've been whispered? They offered it to me the year before and I couldn't turn up on the date they offered me so they gave it to Richard Fairbrass. So I saw him in the paper and I'm just thinking, you weren't first choice. Why that smile on your face? I was happy to receive it.

I mean, it was quite a thing. I think Graham Norton won it in 99. Did he? No, Robbie Williams and Denise Van Oytten. Maybe I was 2000. No, you were 98. Oh, 98 I was. And in 99 was Robbie Williams and Denise Van Outen. Maybe I was 2000. No, you were 98. Oh, 98 I was. And then 99 was Robbie Williams, Denise Van Outen. That's a strong year as well. Have a look at his ass when you get a chance.

It's outrageous. Absolutely outrageous. I don't think it exists anymore, does it, Rear of the Year? Let's bring it back. Feels like it might not be appropriate anymore. Also, imagine that though, in the offices of the journalists. Sorry I'm late home, I had a busy fucking day, we're trying to sort out Rio of the Year. I've been looking at arses all day. Couldn't they believe their loss when they realised that Rio and Year rhyme? You're owning the awards maker immediately, it's so perfect. Oh, final question, Josh, then we should go.

You go for it, Rob. We ask everyone this. Your partner, Kath, what is the thing she does parenting-wise where you go, oh my god, she's wonderful, this is amazing. And what's the thing parenting-wise that she does that annoys you? If she were to hear you talking about it, she'd go, okay, yeah, fair enough, he's got a point here.

I'll go with the bad one, so I've got more time to think of a good one. Sure. Yeah. I'd recommend that explanation could have been in your head. Just less grief for you. Yeah. But you know, it's the scream thing. Just get it out. Get it out. It's right. You just got to get it out. The thing that I get annoyed with is that she enters into arguments and has done this since she was about six, as if she was arguing with me. So she will go into passive aggression, long soles.

And I said, you can't play it like this with the kids. You know what I mean? It's sometimes they're not speaking. And I said, this is just insane. My style of arguing, Sometimes they're not speaking. My style of arguing, like my dad used to have massive rows with my mom. And I'm not making this up. It sounds like a joke. He had a massive row and then he would end with a song. They would have a blazing row that lasted 20 minutes. And at the end, he would, there's this song he always used to sing. if I had my life to live over again I would still fall in love with you after they've been

tearing the crap out of each other for 20 minutes. Oh wow. So I think that's a mistake. Would it be at the peak of the argument that he just burst into song? Literally the argument would end, so we're going to bed now, let's end with a song. He wouldn't play an instrument, he'd sing the acapella. He would sit down, he wouldn't let her go to bed. She would sit scouring, but she had to stay until the third verse. The best thing that she does is she's quite, I find that Boz turns to her if he's got any personal issues and And you go into a room at like 3am and they'll have a big heart to heart. So I think he sees I'm the Doctor Who heavy metal guy and she she's the counselling kindness guy. Yeah. Are you happy with those?

Oh god yeah. I mean if those jobs are off the grabs, which one are you looking to go for? To be honest, I fucking hate Doctor Who. I'm gonna council it. I'd rather have the problem. Frank, this has been absolutely amazing. Thanks so much. Good luck with the West End run and then the rest of the tour. It's a brilliant show. 30 years of dirt.

Absolutely top stand up at the top of his game still after all 30 years. Well done, Frank. It's a brilliant show and I'll try and come again. Yeah, I'm going to come. I can't wait. It's good to see you guys. Yeah. Cheers, Frank. Cheers. Love. Cheers.

Frank Skinner. Oh, I could listen to him forever. He's so good. And he's mined. I know this sounds mad. I just love where his mind goes. I love where his ass goes after those photos. I can't wait to see that photo, Rob.

Oh matey, so- That's gotta go on our Instagram as soon as this episode comes out. That's the image we're leading with. Frank Skidder is in a park just on a path with Carol Smiley using head to toe, leather red cat suit, and he's got his trousers around his ankles with knee-length white, bright white pantaloons and his rock-hard

ass in the air. It's not even a banter win, he's actually got a good ass. Do you think if Rear of the Year was still going? I think Ramesh or you. No, Ramesh would get it for a joke because he actually has no, he's like medically got no ass. Yeah, yeah. So he does the stuff on having no ass. Joel Dommet would be all over Rear of the Year. Yeah, I'd love to see Joel Dommet. It'll be Joel Dommet and Davina with a bit of a sort of mask singer tie in for Rears of the Year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, nice. Joel and Davina, lovely.

Well, maybe we should start handing them out, Rob. At the end of every year on parenting hell, we're gonna hand out our Rears of the Year. I'm a modern guy, I'm pretty woke, but if someone's got a good arse, let them know. Is that the way that we should do it or don't whatever's the right thing to say what a great outro frank skinner one of britain's greatest comedians uh we will be back on tuesday see you on tuesday