Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP13: "Welcome to my legacy..."

Episode Date: October 8, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx Small Business shout outs: Peggyandkate Sensory oojamabobs If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Stevie, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett.

Stevie, can you say Josh Whiddicombe? Josh Whiddicombe. Very good. Stevie. I'd offer that up as the greatest sound quality of any clip that has ever been sent to us. It was crystal clear, wasn't it? Outrageous.

It's tiny little mics I interview people on TikTok with. You've seen them. Now, Stevie, girl or boy? Girl. Stevie for a girl's middle class, Stevie for a boy's working class. Well it's Stevie G. Is Stevie Jarrod or Stevie Nicks really, isn't it? That's what we're looking at here. Stevie G. Yes, but we've gone for it.

We've got a Nicks. They live in Rob's End in Beckenham. Respect. Now so he strikes me as a fairly middle class guy probably a bit cool Probably used to live in Clapham or somewhere trendy like Peckham can't afford dollage. So he's gone to Beckenham. Well, it's my bugget We have a four-year-old daughter called Robin My wife is that your yeah, that's The plumbing. Oh just the pipes making noise or you're a builder

that's the plumbing. Oh, just the pipes making noise? Or is there a builder? Adrian's not still there is he? Yeah Adrian is outside. He wasn't here last week. What's he doing to your house? It was done last time. He's been there weeks. Yeah, he's here till Christmas. What's he doing? Oh, you're doing the kitchen? He's doing every single room basically Rob. We're gonna come to this. I need to talk to you about this. Your house has been done for eight? Why is he doing every single room? Let me go through it. Josh is he one of those people you see in the news where people lock them in a cupboard and make them work on their house? One of those builders types you know when they raid they raid someone's house and they've got someone locked in the house that's not allowed to leave is that what you're doing? What's wrong with your house? Your house is done.

Let me finish this email and then we'll come to it. Okay, because you're gonna move anyway. You might what you're getting it ready for photos. We're not gonna move. We're not gonna move. Okay, will you tell me what's going on? Because he's been there a long time. I've been listening since the start and quickly lured me into listening to with the premise of chat about Elmer's End screw fix. Right, yep. That's why I play football in Elmer's End as well. Yeah, you both sound like bloody good dads, too bloody, right? And you paint the perfect picture, the ups and downs of modern parenting, so keep up the important work. My wife listens on her runs and she doesn't know I'm sending this in. Please play and it will make her day. That is good.

See, they're a bit, you can tell, they're definitely a bit trendy, a little bit modern parents, because he said he thinks we're great dads, rather than fucking two pairs of wet fucking flannels talking about loving their kids and emotionally connect with them. with he thinks we're great dads, rather than fucking two pairs of wet fucking flannels talking about loving their kids and emotionally connect with them. Fuck you mugs. So thanks, Michael. Now when he forwards them on cuts off the time they're sent because he obviously didn't like that riff.

He doesn't like that. Doesn't like being exposed for that. As I did that, I was like, I'm not going to get caught this morning. Was it the most recent? Yup. Right. I'm not going to get caught this morning. Was it the most recent? Yup. Right. Well, thank you very much for that.

Josh, first of all, where's Rose? Downstairs. Lovely. Things going well? Yeah. Perfect. Are we kind of our relationships in the background to being parents, really, isn't it? Absolutely.

It's the B-side, isn't it? To the single. It's the B-side to the single, yeah. It really is. Your relationship with your partner, it's the B-side to the single. Sometimes the B-side's a bit... Anyway, Josh, why is Adrian still in your fucking house?

So... Why are you doing every room? If he's doing every room... You can get a fucking blackout blind so you aren't lit by the side out of your window. Well, we're gonna do it face to face now after in aout blind so you aren't lit by the side out of your window. Well, we're going to do it face to face now after in a while. So we're doing it.

We're back doing it remotely at home because you're not well. Yeah. Correct. And you do in the kitchen? Yeah. So that's the big job I need to talk to you about. Can I suggest something? Yeah. All right.

And I don't know if I've stepped the line here. What's the best way to do this? I'd say so this I've heard this thing where when you, you know, I don't overstep the line here. What's the best way to do this? I'd say, so this, I've heard this thing where when you start dating someone, I don't know if I mentioned this on the thing where the best thing to do to see if you can connect is after a few dates, you say to each other, in what way are you mental? Okay. As in we're all mental, but it manifests a different way. So example for me, no, we didn't, but if we were to,

I'd buy too much Lego and football shirts. I don't think that's the main issue. I think there's bigger shit going on. Right. Okay. Yeah. But that would be the first one I'd tell her and then I'd build up. Want to kind of ease her in. Yeah. Luz would be, she wants to go on holiday every second of every waking hour, ideally to Orlando. And she's obsessed with it. And buys everything that's ever existed off the internet to be delivered to her house. That I'd say is her things. I'd say Rose's things is redecoration.

Whether it's a new place, and it's great because she's turned the passion into a job. She's got a new company, was it Penrose Tilbury? Is that right? Yeah, Penrose Tilbury on- Penrose Tilbury, and she's got jobs, she's working. However, your house is getting done again. I feel like-

Rob, we've been here seven years, so I think that's time for a rejig. Well, I don't think you'd think that. I think Rose thinks that and you agree. Yes. Did you bring up the rejig? No, no, no, actually... Did you go, that needs repainting? The kitchen...

Did you say that needs repainting? The whole house needs repainting. I did on the hallway. Don't get me wrong, it always looks beautiful, your house. I did on the hallway. Don't get me wrong, always looks beautiful your house. I'm just saying, I think Rose is one of those people that once it's done, will go, oh, I think it's an ever evolving project, like the fourth bridge. It is not happening. It's the, so we were literally having this discussion before I came up.

Right. That we go, this is it. This is it. You've just had a conversation that this is it. This is it. You've just had a conversation. This is it. This is the thing is I'm excited already about recording this and playing it back to in a year's time. I saw. So let me tell you, we have been for the last seven years struggling with the lack of storage. Okay. Yeah, fair enough. I can see from behind you. You can see from behind me. I don't even know what that cardboard box is. I think it's a sink.

It's like a long running joke in a sitcom. There's always a different thing in the friends department. Oh, yeah, that is a good little thing. So what's that box there behind you? I think that's a sink. It says Burlington. It's either a sink or toilet, isn't it? Because they're a porcelain brand. Wouldn't know, mate. I'm not refurbished as much as you.

Don't know the brand names, mate. I'll buy a shitter and I'll shit in it until it cracks. We have been fighting a losing battle against storage for seven years. And so we're basically redoing the house. Yeah. Right. To incorporate more storage. Okay, fair enough. That's a sensible decision.

So what I haven't really, what you're gonna love Rob, is from next week, from the 16th of October, it's gonna be six weeks of having our kitchen knocked down and rebuilt while we stay in the house. Right, so you're gonna have no kitchen for six weeks and you're gonna be in the house with two children. Yeah. So listeners of the podcast are in for an absolute treat. Two words for you. Air fryer. 100% said it myself. Air fryer in the front room. You can cook your dinner on the coffee table. Yeah, I think it's gonna be air fryer, kettle, blender. Would you have a hob? Would you have like a camping hob? I'd go no, but then, you know, you just want a quick bit of scrambled egg or something. An omelet.

I'd go for a little campings and then you've got like a big, like little gas canister in your house. Yeah. I mean, can't you get one of them? Yeah. I'd probably buy a little camping one or just a little electric one. You know, it's like induction that you plug in maybe. Yeah. Fucking hell. Oh, I can't wait like induction that you plug in maybe. Yeah, fucking hell.

Oh, I can't wait. It's gonna be great. Yeah, I bet you can't wait. The best thing is you're gonna get it all done and then buy another house anyway. We're not. And move out, you will. We're not moving, Rob. In five years, you'll move. I bet you are.

100%. You've been saying that for three years. You've got storage problems now. You wait till your kids have proper bikes, mate. Your boy's on the drums because he's from East London and he's wacky. He'll be playing drums, there'll be double basses knocking about, cellos. I can tell you now there won't be a cello. That's good news for the pod though. One day you'll want to record it face to face. I know. Fucking hell. It's just the house is currently storage hell. I feel like my house is always, though, like on the verge of like,

it's always something in the way or like a bit of cardboard that needs moving or something like that. Going wrong. The blinds broken now in my daughter's room. And it's just like, Oh for fuck's sake. It's mad, isn't it? What point do you just tap out on it and you just house his shit? You've only been there six months. Yeah, my daughter's telly don't work, the lights don't work, the electrician's coming around, he was on holiday last week, I'm chasing him up.

He had fucking ten tickets off me to the tour, so I'm going to get him right round. All to the same night? Yeah, basically it was like ages ago, he wanted two tickets or something, and then he was like, can I get a couple more, can I get a couple more? And then to be fair, no one let him, there was ten, I was like, mate, like he wanted two tickets or something. And then it was like, can I get a couple more? Can I get a couple more? And then to be fair, no one had them. There was a 10. I was like, mate, you're having 10. I'm going to let you know now, this is an actual fucking piss take, but you're a good guy so you can have them. But just so you know, you're taking the piss, yeah? So while my lights go, we need to have a little bit of a remember of this, yeah?

Anyway, so I've got him to sort that out. But yeah, I think you can need a can need a camping stove, probably air fryer is the key. How are you gonna do your porridge? I don't have porridge in the morning. So you do you make porridge every morning, don't you? No, I don't. For the kids, you said? No, we have pancakes at the moment. Do you make your own mixture or do you buy every? I make my own fucking mixture, mate.

All right, Gino de Campo. We've got you covered. One egg. It's a good one egg. One egg, 150 mils of water. Josh, I didn't ask. 50 grams of flour. We're gone. We're gone. We're gone. We're done. Yeah, we're done. We're gone. We're gone. Honey on the table. Why didn't you do that on Sunday brunch? You was on Sunday brunch that weekend. Oh, yeah, they've got a message for you Rob. Have they?

Yeah. Rob, where the hell are you? Mate, get back on. You keep sending Ramesh here and we want to see you as well. So come back, Channel 4, Sunday brunch as soon as possible. I thank you. Oh, I will go back on. It's just because it's Sunday morning, it's so long.

Your picture's on the fridge, Rob. Why am I on the fridge? There's revolving pictures on the fridge of people who've done at least five episodes. Yeah, well maybe I should step aside and let space for some new people to get on there. What, like Ramesh? Yeah, but he's on every bit, mate.

What a fucking lineup yesterday. I love the lineup on Sunday Brunch. Yeah, go on. He's so mad. It was on. Eve? The singer? Yeah.

Who's that girl? Yeah, she's in the UK now. That's she? What about? London. She lives in London? Yeah, she's got a two and a half year old, Rob. Get her on. Well, I have got a number, bizarrely.

Hello. Well, for this, but I don't know. Do you want to pop round and make some porridge, Eve? Kitchen's out. get her on well I have got a number bizarrely well for this but I don't know do I have to make some porridge Eve? Kitchens out. Who's that girl? Mum who's that bloke? It's Josh. It's Adrian. It's Adrian. Jenny O'Clair. Jenny O'Clair obviously, yep Jenny O'Clair. Sophie Williams. Yep, the comedian. Yeah, she's great.

Your mate, Tom Reed Wilson, is one of the most entertaining men I've ever met in my life. He's so eloquent and verbose. Sometimes when he talks to me, he uses such long words, it feels like he's a mate of mine who's Spanish. Yeah. I just don't understand anything he's saying. You've got two mates called Tom,

and both of them don't sound like they're your mates. I know, but you know what I am? I'm a deep guy. You're a deep guy, yeah. I can operate anywhere. You shove me in the away end of Millwall, I'll survive. Some would argue, thrive. You just...

See? Finally, finally, you could be yourself. Send me to the palace, send me to Royal Variety and I'll get by. I can rub shoulders with everyone. Oh my God, I'm watching that thing where Michael Sheen plays Prince Andrew. Oh, is it any good? Yeah, I mean fucking madness. I didn't realize, you know the bits, the sweating bit and the pizza express bit?

Yeah. They weren't in the original hour sweating bit and the pizza express bit? Yeah. They weren't in the original hour long interview and at the end they asked if they could ask two more questions because he wanted to get those bits in and he hadn't said them. Oh no, so oh my god. It's just got to go you go oh mate, mate this is a great interviewer of all time. You sort of go is she or is just Prince Andrew one of the biggest idiots? Yeah I think there's an argument for that. It's definitely a Venn diagram crossover? Yeah, I think there's an argument for that.

It's definitely a Venn diagram crossover at somewhere between I think. Yeah. I've been watching McMahon about Vince McMahon in the WWE. Oh yeah, is that worth it? I've all watched that. It's mental. It's so mental. And then the chimp crazies insane as well on Sky.

Have you seen that? What's that? It's about, it's like Tiger King, but about women in America that keep chimpanzees essentially. Oh, I might watch that. Quality. That's what I've been doing. How's parenting been going there, Josh? I've got loads to talk about here. We might have to split this over an episode. We've had some terrible nights.

Oh, really? It was just like absolute comedy of errors. Also, have you watched Schofield on Castaway yet? No, I've not seen it. Tell me. Philip Schofield. Do you think he's been hard done by? I think. For an attempt of like a bit of a, you know, PR turnaround. Yeah. It's one of the biggest misjudged steps. I come away from that and he looks absolutely manic. It's mental. It's so,

it's one of the weirdest things I've ever watched. And I was just like, what is going on? And also I was just like, he's sort of moaning a bit about how hard Dunbar was, which I think I'm not sure I agree with that. But like- Do you know what, Rob, I'm going to go a bit further. I don't agree with that. No, I don't agree with that. I think what he did was wrong. And I think sometimes you need to take your medicine and not sort of give up a list of excuses. He sort of was, he was on there. Like he was like the victim of something where actually, you know, you've got to remember that it was his act.

No one's forced him to do what he did. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And it's sometimes the repercussions, the reactions can be hard to deal with, but that's the way it is. And also the repercussion is he only got to host this morning for 14 years. It just bangs on about how much he loves to tell you and all that. I'm like, mate, you're 60 odd, you're worth a fortune.

Yeah. Fuck off. Just fuck off and have a day off. Do you know what I mean? Like you've had a good old run. Most people retire at 60. All right, just go. Do you know what?

I was a bit, I was a bit naughty at work and then I got caught for it. Just keep your head down. Yeah. Why bother? Do you know what I mean? And all this, like talking about his legacy and stuff like, just tell him, you've earned your money, it all went a bit pear shaped. Just go away and do something else, start another business or do what you want.

You'll have to do other stuff. No disrespect to Philip Schofield, but if this hadn't happened, I don't think many people would have ever used the words legacy and Philip Schofield. No, if they said, oh, Philip Schofield, say none of this happened and Schofield retired, they'd be like, all right, okay, he's not doing that. Or was it Ben Shepard, is it? Or who's going now? Vernon Kaye's doing it, well, maybe he's back.

No one cares. No, when these TV people, and I know we are them, need to fucking shut up and just accept, you just do a job that obviously there's a bit of limelight and fame, whatever, but it's just a job. And when you don't do it anymore, no one will give a fuck, someone else will do it. That is just how the world works and accept that. And then he's got like, his kids are on it talking about him and stuff like that.

And I was like, genuinely, if I died and there was a documentary about me and my kids were on it, I wouldn't want them to be going, oh my God, when he did this, when he did that. My dream, I've been a good parent, if my kids went on this documentary and I was dead, they asked them questions about me and they went, Did he do that? No, I've not seen that. No,

I just totally agree. Who cares? Yeah, obviously, I love what I do. And I enjoy enjoy it and I'm happy people get a lot from it, but fucking wind your neck in mate, have a day off, you're a multi-millionaire, shut the fuck up and retire. That's what I think anyway. The whole thing was just really odd to be fair. It was just like, I don't know, I don't think it was the best decision.

Just sort of... No. Well, it's made worse. I'm not just... LAUGHS Right, so, right, let's talk about our kids. Tell me about your kids. Right, so, right, we had... What have I got here? I've got... Talk to them about sleep.

I've got two bad nights sleep, positive story about cooking with the kids, which is quite good fun. No, I don't want that. OK, so, upset in mother-in-law and too bad night's sleep. So, well, let's start with a positive story about cooking. Okay, then we'll build to the horror. Okay, so, because we interviewed Gina D'Acampo that's going out soon, and you were talking about cooking, so I was like, right. On the Mother-in-law, I've got something to add to that,

carry on. Right, okay, cool. I shouldn't have said that out loud. What? That's absolutely fine. Little tease, little tease, double Mother-in-law stories, like comedians from the 70s. Before you know it, get cancelled, we'll be on castaway together. I don't feel that bad. Only a little joke about me mother-in-law. Um, yeah, so we started cooking and they did scrambled egg and they did omelet and it's sausage rolls and it'selet and sausage rolls. And sausage rolls is quite a good one to do with them because I feel like doing a lot. With scrambled eggs, it's quite easy. I tell omelets, basically just heat the pan.

My daughter does omelet. It's fine. It's mix up an egg, isn't it? And then just do it. And then I explained it once and I said, right, now you know how to be safe. You can just get on with it without me and do it. She actually did a better job without me than with me. So she's done that completely on her own. My eight year old, six year old's only done scrambled egg and omelet, but not, not complete. I mean, I'm in the kitchen with her. I'm just not stood over a hold in stuff.

I'm like the other side sat down and then I did sausage roll. So that's quite a good one to do with the kids because they, if you buy pre rolled puff pastry, all they've got to do is get like the sausage meat or there must be a vegan or veggie attorney, you guys, and then after that squash up the sausage meat, so they're feeling different textures, stuff like that. And they just like, you know, turn it into like a sort of sausage tube, put it in the middle of the pastry, cut it into little sections. So there's

three sausage rolls, then they roll it, then they beat up an egg, put that on it. And then they can decorate it with like the fork and the knife and put their names and stuff like that.. And they did that and then they absolutely loved it. And then when you it's quick to cook and it looks quite impressive when you put it in. So that we did that and it was really and actually I really thought that would be hard work was actually really good fun. So I'd say the three intro steps scrambled omelet sausage roll. Yeah, good entry level steps. So that was actually really, really good, really fun. It's very wholesome isn't it?

And they hate it, they wouldn't normally eat it. No, my daughter does cook school on Tuesdays after school. It's just a club at school. My daughter does that and brings back loads of food she's not even tried. She goes, oh no, she makes it. I don't think she's, I mean, she made a very good couscous, but she didn't want it. No, no. So I just had couscous in the fridge. I was like, we all enjoyed the couscous. It was fine. Actually hers to her brother loved it. All right. That's good.

She's so picky that she's basically making things she doesn't want to eat. Exactly. We've got quesadillas in the fridge. My daughter won't eat because there's cheese in them. She brought back salad, won't eat in the fridge. Pasta, veggie pasta,esadillas in the fridge. My daughter won't eat because there's cheese in them. She brought back salad, won't eat, in the fridge. Pasta, veggie pasta, won't eat, in the fridge. But she made it. Not to eat, just to look at them in the fridge. I suppose it's like working in a restaurant. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, shall we just say, it'd be quite a good email in, worst cooking disasters with your children. Get involved. What have they cooked you? Yeah, let's keep it PG though. Oh, it tasted horrible. Not, you know, they launched oil across the room at the cat. Subjects, deep fat fry or fail? They deep fried a hamster. It's terrible. What a bloody fail. So what do you want? Do you want mother-in-law or the two bad bedtimes?

Do mother-in-law. I'll just drop in now what I was going to say, which is I forgot to say, but talking of mothers, do you remember I said about Kitten Kin being Emma Bunton's thing, the nappies? Oh yeah. Long time fan of the show Pauline Bunton got in touch with me via Instagram to confirm that that is Emma Bunton's company and say she's still loving the show Pauline Bunton. So shout out to her. Has Emma been on?

No, we'd love to get her on. See, I love Baby Spice. She just cracks on, doesn't she? Lovely little life. Has a bit of telly. It goes a quick reunion, earn about 10 mil, then ducks out again. That's the way to go, isn't it? She's not she's not turning up on a fucking island, is she? We're moaning our legacy. Legacy is the biggest load of bollocks. And do you know what? She's got a fucking legacy, mate. Do you know what she's got?

Ten great hit singles. Exactly. That's a legacy. Not not, you know, I spent 14 years doing high street fashion, sitting there talking about what you could buy in Topshop and then talk about what's on in the soaps. Wow, so there's gonna be a train wreck in Emmerdale? Hi, welcome to my legacy. Wow, look at them dogs on ice!

Welcome to my legacy. Wow, look at them dance on ice. Welcome to my legacy. Gordon, they're going... Welcome to my legacy. Anyway, right. Yeah, so, we were driving home from school on a Friday, girls were really excited. And it was quite hot, it was quite warm. And they do these things sometimes when they get hot, they take the school dress off. You know when at school, right, even when it's

freezing cold outside, they basically make the kids put their coats and jumpers and bags on about 30 minutes before they leave school. So they're just sat there sweating and they come out and they're like, when you go into a shop in a winter coat and it's just too much. So they always come out and go, I want to take it and go, aren't you too old? But anyway, the service in the in the car, and they're just giggling and stripping off and I'm sort of laughing and I'm like, is that okay? I think you sort of think like, you know, that's your daughters. Also, I don't be like that. That kind of cover up girls.

Giving them issues. Yeah, don't be shouting at young, like girls that will be young women screaming cover up. That's disgusting. You know, it's like, oh, it's fun. Yeah. But you say they're all giggling and it lose getting a bit like, Oh God, they've all got their clothes on. They should have clothes on stuff like that.

And then Lou and Lou out of nowhere would if we have an accident, the police find you and have no clothes on. And I went right. That's you've jumped a few there. You've jumped a few levels of worry and stress. And Lou's mom's called Teresa. And I went right. Calm down, Teresa. Yeah. Because when that's because Lou's mum,

she used to be a nurse, but since I went out back to, you know, when they got the knives and forks, she goes, be careful, knife and forks at the dinner table. Because when I was a nurse, there was a kid that bounced a fork down the table and it stabbed a child in the eye and went blind in one eye. Yeah, yeah, the classic anyway. So I was like, all right, calm down, Teresa. And then the head was giggling and stuff like that. And then my daughter went, yeah, Teresa, calm down. You don't have to worry about everything all the time. And then I cracked up and it was like, no, no, no, they, you know, they'll say that, you know, anyway, I found it quite funny. And then they went to have a sleepover there and then immediately told the man that story.

Oh, no. So I'm looking at the man's press, please. Yeah. So that didn't go too well with the mother-in-law, but I'll try and win her over next time I see her. How well do you get on with the mother-in-law? No, we get on well. We get on really well. I like Theresa. She's she's really chilled and nice, but she's a little bit more cautious than I am. Yeah. I'm way more impulsive and like reckless. Yeah.

And go for it. For most people on earth. Yeah. Exactly. Where like Lou's mum, quite rightly, if she's buying a new sofa, we'll go out and try lots of different sofas, make sure she gets the right one at the right price and that it will fit in the house and do all the work. She's the kind of person that will make sure that they've done the measurements

to see if it fits her in the hallway. Where I'll order it and if it don't fit, I'll work it out when that comes. So completely different approaches to problems. But the good news is you're unlikely to have to buy a sofa together ever. Exactly. So that's fine. If one of your four, one of the four parents had to move in, yeah, who do you think would fit in easiest? Lose Dad.

That was a very quick answer. And I said this, my parents got the up with. Oh, you've already said this? Yeah, in front of my own parents. Lose Dad is the most chilled out man that's ever existed. Yeah. He's sort of like, he's so chilled, but he just floats. I'd say he's the closest a human can get to a ghost.

The most chilled out relaxed man. When I used to live, we used to live at Lou's house while we were getting our house done for about six months. And I'd make him jump every single time I walked through the house because he still hadn't got used to me being there. Because he's so laid back. Yeah. So yeah, probably him. I mean, would I want to be pushed on the order of the other three? No. No, I wouldn't do that to you on a public forum.

I think that's unfair, but I definitely think Mick would be the easiest to have in our house. Here's a good question. Yeah. Who do you think would be the better out of? So it's a long time down the line. Yeah. Perish the thought. One a long time down the line. Yeah. Perish the thought, one of your Lou has passed on.

You're, shall we say, closer to a ghost than Mick even is these days, right? Sure, respect, yep. Who would be the easier one, do you think, to move in as an old person with the kids? Oh, the kids have got to take in me or Lou? Yeah. I think that would probably be Lou.

I can't imagine I'm going to be an easy? Yeah, I think they'll probably be Lou. I can't imagine I'm going to be an easy old person. I think I might go really mental. I think I'm gonna hit a real chill period between sort of 14 and 55. I think 55 and beyond I might start going full wacky. Because I feel like I'm at you know, like people get to 60, you know, they don't care anymore. They say how they think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like that already. I think I've hit that quite early for a 38 year old where, you know, just, you know, I'm not without, I'm really at a point now where I'm not too bothered about perception

where in my twenties, I was raw with that. I was obsessed with perception. You're obsessed with your legacy. I genuinely was. I actually genuinely was. That's the kind of thing in my 20s I'll be like, I want to be this, I want to be that, I want people to think this of me, I want, and all that, when I'm over that now. But I think through a lot of therapy,

I've hit that a bit early, which then leads me to, what's the next evolution on that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not worrying about what people think when you're not redoing anything, but what if then I just go, absolutely. Yeah, conspiracy nut. I don't know if it'd be conspiracy nut.

I think I might just start like, I'd just bring home a goat. And then like, why, back then, why you got a goat? I was like, I just saw a goat, I thought it'd be fun to have a goat. And then like, oh, no, it's not. And then all of a sudden, oh, you know, oh bloody. Well, fingers crossed you pop your clogs first. Exactly, but yeah, I don't know. know, fingers crossed you pop your clogs first. Exactly. But yeah, I don't know. Oh, no, that just

stick me in a car. I saw that. So what was he talking about? Your sleep. Sleep. Okay, right. So my daughter was sick last week, right? Yeah, in the night, but they went to bed fine. And then they got out of bed. So they weren't sick in the bedroom. So this was about 10 at night. They got out of the bed and they were sick in the hallway.

And you could see where they ran down the hall to our bedroom, then sick in our bedroom twice. Is your hallway and bedroom carfaces? Bits of it are. Do you want me to send you the video? Oh no, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not one of those people that has a problem with sick. I cannot express to you how much there was, Josh.

And it was all the way along in our bedroom and it stunk. Then I picked my daughter up and put her in front of the toilet. Then I went to go and sort the, but I was like paddling in it, Josh. There was so much water. What time are we talking?

We're talking about at midnight, right? We haven't gone to bed yet, okay? But then the bedroom just stunk as sick. And then I put her in front of the toilet and then she just sat on the toilet and I was sick on the floor. Oh my God. So she. Because she was all like confused. I'm gonna send this. I genuinely don't think we can even put this on the internet because it's so horrific. But I've sent it to you now. Just so much of it. Oh no. Oh fuck. I know, innit? Oh my god, how's a child

produced so much? I know. I think she overate a little bit and drank too much water and milk. Awful, isn't it? Fuck me sideways. That's horrible. But it was like, there was so much of it and then we had to get towels and we just couldn't just stand so I... So in the end, Lou then slept with her in her bedroom because her bedroom was fine. But then our room, like, Lou went, normally having to sleep with the kids is a short straw,

but I think you've got it because the bedroom, Josh, just stunk as heck. So I had to sit with all the windows open. Is it Demi Moore and St. Elmo's Fire where all the wind's coming through? So that was one of the nights, right? Then the other night, this is the, now this was an absolute catalogue of errors. So my youngest daughter was having a bit of, she gets a bit funny going to bed, we're working on it, but she sometimes can just flip and was getting all upset and crying. So Lou was downstairs getting her hair done. Kid was going mental. Eventually we got her to sleep, got her to go to sleep, right? And just calmed her down. And then, so that was probably about half nine, 10. Then Lou finished getting her hair cut and then we went upstairs and then my eldest daughter, it was half 11 at night, was like, I don't feel well. I've not been asleep.

My stomach hurts. She'd been awake the whole time, just sort of tossing and turning. Oh, God. And then she was crying and then, and there was like, Oh God. Okay. So Lou went, she's not well, I'll just sleep with the eldest, right? So she went to laid with the oldest to start trying to get to sleep and then stayed in that room. So then that was at half 11, then about half 12 at night, the youngest, cause she went

to bed unsettled, came into our room and cause Lou weren't on her side of the bed, screamed, you've all left me, you've all left me. Cause you couldn't see me. She thought no one was in the house. So she screamed everywhere. So then we all woke up. Then I got her and went, Oh, you just get in bed with me then. So then she got in, in bed with me. Right. And then, um, we're, uh, lying there. And then about half one, I hear, dogs are going mental. A cat is trying to get in the house by like pouring

at the front window of the front. So they're trying to get this. So they bark. So I ran downstairs and then I'm completely naked. I can't find my shorts. Right. And then my daughter wakes up and she's like, I'm coming with you. I'm like, don't come with me. I'll go. She went, I don't want to be up in the man. I'm coming with you. So she comes downstairs. I'm completely naked, chasing the dogs, trying to get them. They don't sleep in crates. But then I've had to get the dogs and stick them in the crates because otherwise they're just chasing this cat up and down the front room window, right? So I do that and then I think I see something in the garden, so I go and check and then open the door and open the door and I'm bollock naked. And then Josh, the stars were

beautiful, right? So I'm sitting there completely, it was so dark, so clear. This is like- Erection straight away. No erection, but my daughter was standing next to me in pyjamas and I'm there naked, and we're both looking at the stars. And she's like, oh my God, look. And then she sees like this shooting star,

we see a shooting star, I'm like, oh my God. I'm like, this is really ruined by the fact I've got my cock out. Yeah. Well, I'm like trying to cover my bits and pieces and we get back upstairs and I shut the door. This is really ruined by the fact I've got my cock out. Well, I'm not trying to cover my bits and pieces that we get back upstairs and shut the door. It's probably all on my cameras as well. The media stood out the front.

Yeah, so put it on her Instagram. I'll put it on Instagram. Anyway, we go back upstairs to bed and then she's. We'll cover your daughter's face, obviously, but. She said, oh, I was so excited. I saw that shooting star. I've wished for something for Christmas. And I went, I can't tell you what it is because it will ruin the begins of an S.

And so she's like wished for snow looking at the shooting star. Right. Anyway, so pajamas for you. Find me shorts, put them on, get into bed. Shorts begin to that. Yeah, shorts to my dad. So now this is about 2am now. So I'm in bed at 2am, drift off back to sleep. Anyway, then at 3am in the morning, 4am, I hear, like this deep bass, it sounds like

a car with a, you know, it's got the stereo's in it, like the bass is boom, boom, boom. Yeah, yeah, with the blue light underneath. Yeah, one of them cars, it's so loud, but it feels like it's in the house. I feel like, oh, there's an alarm, a speaker gone off on a stereo somewhere, or we've got like the Sonos thing, well maybe it's come on. It sounds like downstairs, there's this deep bass going.

And then in the end, it gets louder, and then also quite haunting, this really haunting sound to it. And I was like, what the fuck is that, right? Anyway, I thought, it sounds like an aeroplane, but I've never heard an aeropl haunting sound to it. And I was like, what the fuck is that, right? Anyway, I thought it sounds like an airplane, but I've never heard an airplane sound like this. Right. Are you the only one who's woken up by it?

We're all awake. It sounded like something from like a, oh, what was it called that film that Tom Cruise was in? It used to be a book, the day after Tom, not that, but alien spaceships that arrived, but there's this haunting sound. Michael? War of the Worlds.

War of the Worlds. So in that film, there's a big, when the baddies are coming, it's like a woooooooom. So I'm lying there and I feel like this feels like the end of the fucking world, right? So it sounds like a plane. And normally, and I'm such a nerd now, I can distinguish the Spitfires, I can distinguish the Biplanes, I can distinguish the American Mustang planes, right? But they're not going to be flying us anything that's not a passenger plane at 4am, surely? Exactly. I'm like, no one's going for their three grand Spitfire flight at 4am. No. I mean, it's a waste of a flight.

Yeah. So then I'm here, so I go on my flight radar tracker, what comes up, and then unmarked, normally it shows you where, normally it says Emirates number flight going from London to Sydney, shows you a picture of the plane and details about it. He just said unmarked Russian jet. Right? And it's called like, and I find the name of it and I was like, what the fuck's that, right?

And it's called an Antof AN-22. I feel like it sounds like I'm in the Blitz, right? Anyway, I Google it, It is the world's biggest, like propeller plane, but it's the size of like a double decker jumbo jet. Why is it going over? I think it's an old plane that a company's bought to use for freight. Right. Right. And it does late night trips at night cause it's so loud. I think it does it like, hopefully it won't wake people up,

but cause where we live is deadly silent. It went right over our house and woke us up. It's never done before. And I Googled it, mate. That sound is horrific, yeah? And it's such a big fucking brain. Listen to this. Wait till the end because the end part of it, at 23 seconds,

is when it went over our house. All right, so listen to this noise. It's quite scary, isn't it? Quite haunting. Listen. 4am, pitch black, with a Russian unnamed bomber over your house. That's scary. That's scary. Awful.

Anyway, that was 4am. That shook me a bit. Then I did a bit of research on Russian bombers for an hour and a half. Yeah, ready for the day. Oh my god. Oh my god. And then we woke up and then because Lou was waking up, so it was his point, Lou come up in the morning went, that was fucking mental. That was. Did you talk to Lou at night about it? No, because we were like in and out of different rooms in the morning. We were like, this is mental. Oh, and the other thing I forgot the night that my daughter was sick, right? She was sick. The last day I was there, as she was sick, I've been playing online FIFA, right? With some people, one of the blokes who plays like his 22 year old, right? He's a friend of his. It's actually

really good podcast called You Don't Know What You're Doing. David Earle's one about football and Exeter City. And it's just a funny podcast about football. He's on it. The guy that the Exeter fan. Yeah, John Beer, he's on it. And then Alfie Indra, who's an Ipswich fan. They talk about football. They're nice lads. And we've been playing FIFA together. This 22 year old lovely lad, but obviously he's 22. So he's just left union. He's moaning about like, I didn't know cars needed MOTs. You know, because he's learning that he's got a reminder. And I'm going I'll go home and he went what's going on? I was like, oh, the daughter's been sick. And he's like, all right, okay.

And then after that, Josh, the door was sick. And then for no reason whatsoever, the older dog that's really well trained, just went upstairs never goes upstairs, pissed on the carpet. Oh my god, no reason Lou and then woke Lou up because Lou could hear water running. And he's pissed on the carpet. So what time's this? That was about 11 at night. But the dog has already been out for anyway, there's no reason for the dog be doing that. The back door was just dog. I don't know if it could smell the sick and went up to Mark his territory.

And then this john guy was like 22 was going like, so what's happening now? He was like, he was like listening to me like, so what's happening now? He was like, he was like, listening to me like, so what he went and then he was like, Oh, right, when got it and he was like, Oh, Jesus. And it was like, because he's so we're so used to it now as parents, he was like, this sounds horrible. And he was like, I'll wait in tomorrow. I was like, I'll go into the gym. He went, Oh, what time and I'll set an alarm for off six, seven and get out. He went, why are you doing that? I went, well, I need to do that. Because if I don't lose got to walk the dogs, then the kids got to go places and go into two separate places. So I can't go in the I went, well, because I need to do that because if I don't, Lou's got to walk the dogs and then the kids got to go places and they're going to two separate places. So I can't go in the middle of the day because then Lou's got the both kids.

And he went, oh, geez. And actually, I think he was quite scared. He was like, listening to me, like I was talking through like a horrific, you know when someone has a horrific time, I was like, this is just a, this is just a Wednesday. But isn't there that kind of proverb or whatever it is where it's like, um, if your kid's sick in the hallway and a Russian bomber is overhead, you've had a good night's sleep. Yeah, exactly. That's the best it's going to get.

That's a core memory. About like the two guys in the river, you know, it's like a, it's a strong current in the river, and one guy fights the current and the other goes with it. And that's the, you know, you get the gist. But that's basically where I am now, where I've just gone. The things that would sound absolutely insane to a 22 year old. You've just got to go, okay, well, this is, it is what it is. Yeah. You've just got to go, okay, well this is, it is what it is. Yeah, you just, it's easier to just accept it than get angry by it. It's fine if my daughter is, so she's now going to sleep about nine.

Yeah. And you're like, I could be angry about this, or I could just go, this is just, I'm just not going to have much evening for the next five years. Yeah. But then there's a line, isn't it? If she starts going to bed at midnight and starts slapping you in the face, if you say anything, you don't want to go, exactly, just let's just go with the river. Our son has started walking through and getting into our bed

in the middle of the night. Yeah. And actually, the last two nights, he's done it about six, so it's fine. But he was doing it like two and you know, it's totally random. Exactly, because then you can't just go with it like that because then you've got the child that's never slept in his own bed. So he's a balance, he's picking your battles basically. It is, it's like, so what am I meant to do here? Like because I'm not one of those people that's like, I just don't like that kind of thought

of, I get it when you've got a baby and it's like, get him don't like that kind of thought of, I get it when you got a baby and it's like, get him sleeping, it's definitely worth it. When you've got a three year old that just wants to cuddle up to you in bed, you know, that isn't going to happen forever. So it's not the end of the world. Do you know what I mean? It's not all about. Well, yeah, it's just that balance. So isn't it because then if three turns to five turns to eight turns to 12, exactly. And then you've got like a 16 year old that's too scared, like, and won't want to go to uni or because she's like, you mean, because it, because I think that's the thing you want to be supportive for your kids, but you want to make sure that they've got enough self-confidence

to go, I can sleep on my own all night and it's fine. Obviously if they're unwell or that, you know, you change it out like we do, but you do, you sort of need to be slightly cruel to be kind of points to build a little bit of self confidence in being able to handle stuff on their own without being the support network. But it's finding the lines the impossible bit. Well, it's really difficult, isn't it? Because we've been on holiday with quite a lot of parents recently. Like we've had people down when we go to Cornwall and stuff and everyone's bedtimes are fucking mental. It's such a relief to see how fucked up everyone's bedtimes are. It's so unhinged.

Like there's no one that I know that isn't operating like a mad bedtime ritual. Yeah, just laying there waiting for the Russian bomber. I think, I think though, the difference is going like, I can't get angry about now being woken up by a Russian bomber, or she's been, like, it's being frustrated by stuff you can't control. If a child is coming to you crying every single night, at that point you think, well, maybe there's something we can do to make that child feel more safe, supported, and comfortable in that room. But you could try everything, and if it still doesn't work, it doesn't work.

But I still think it's sort of like, you don't want to use it as an excuse to do nothing. No, totally. You don't want to beat yourself up going, Oh, for God's sake, I need to soundproof the roof in case another plane goes, you know, you just go, that's happening. I've got to let, I've got to go with the river on that one. You know what I mean? Totally. It's just trying to find the line. Oh, who knows? Right. Small business shout out.

Who bloody knows? Small business shout out. Oh, here we go. Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. I used to have a pony, I'm pretty sure I'm not a prick. I think being from Maidstone helped keep me humble. Okay, that was when I asked anyone that had a pony if they were a prick or not. God, this is a quick one that's coming, isn't it? Yeah, Michael slung it right at the top of me.

Please might I have a shout out for my small business. I turned my love of ponies and pets into a business. Do you ever feel like your Christmas tree is missing an incredibly intricate and beautiful portrait of your blue of pair? I know Rob does. Do you know what I've never thought that? I'm sure some people have. Anyway, if you have thought that this is your she says I'm your woman. I paint pets on baubles. They make

wonderful gifts. And I had many people say they're the best gift they've ever received. To be fair, my daughters would love it. If they have a ball with his face on and then put it on the tree. All animals are welcome. Imagine all animals are welcome. I'm like, I don't do drafts. Don't do, apart from XL bullies. I only do them with muzzles on. It also makes gorgeous greeting cards, prints, calendars and wrapping paper. My website is Kate Peggy Kronk.

That's K-A-T-E Peggy P-E-G-G-Y Kronk C-R-O-N-K dot com. Instagram, Peggy and Kate. Baubles are available for pre-order now. Thanks so much for the podcast. I look forward to it every Tuesday and Friday. My daughter didn't sleep well until she turned three, so it really got me through some long days. Love from Kate 432 months, mum to Pip 42 months old. There we go. To be fair, the reason I did that, because I'm such a slick pro, that'd be my legacy, is

that it's nearly Christmas and people need to get their orders in for baubles. Yeah. Hello, Michael, in brackets, and Rob and Josh. If I'm listening right now, which I will be obviously, I'm probably bouncing up and down with joy that you chose to read mine out. Imagine someone else has written that and they're currently thinking I'm about to read theirs out.

This is a pronunciation. Sensory Ujumabobs is a Ujumabobs, which is double O jam A bobs. That looked phonetically. Like thingamabob. Ujumabobs. Ujumabobs, which is double O jam A bobs. They're done phonetically. Like thingamabob. Ujumabobs. Ujumabobs. Double O J-A-M-A-B-O-B-S.

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The amount of kids at school that would chew that metal bit that attached the rubber, oh, it makes my teeth crawl. To check out the full range and save on pricey school jumpers go to sensoryujimabobs.co.uk. There we go. Josh, I really enjoyed that episode. A lot covered there. It was a lot of fun. We came to no conclusions. We achieved nothing. And I suppose that's the point. Yeah. Yeah. So basically what we realized is it's really hard. You've got to be harsh, but not too harsh. You've got to be lenient, but not too lenient. Exactly. I really feel like we've...

Thank God we've got that now. I'm going to take those lessons forward into my day-to-day life. So yeah, do a bit of that, not too much of that, but a little bit less of that, a little bit more of that. Yeah. And then, do you know what? It'll be done. Yeah, exactly. All right, see you on Friday.

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