Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP14: Kiri Pritchard-McLean

Episode Date: October 11, 2024

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of foster parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian - Kiri Pritchard-McLean. You can get tickets for Kiri's tour 'Peacock' HERE Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Follow us on instagram: @parentinghell  Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. This is an ad for better help. Welcome to the world. Please, read your personal owner's manual thoroughly.

In it, you'll find simple instructions for how to interact with your fellow human beings and how to find happiness and peace of mind. Thank you and have a nice life! Unfortunately life doesn't come with an Owner's Manual. That's why there's BetterHelp online therapy. Connect with a credentialed therapist by phone, video or online chat. Visit betterhelp.com to learn more. That's betterHELP.com. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Hi, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Whiddicombe? Josh Whiddicombe. Nice. I think she called you Rod then. Yes, that's happened before actually the Rod Beckett I was introduced as a Rod Beckett by whispering Bob Aris once on radio to were you up next Rod Beckett?

I've been rotted off Rod Beckett. You do I think you'd work for a Rod Rodney Rodney Rod Stewart for someone called Rodney. He's done so well to make a school Rodney cuz yeah Obviously, he's pretty cool for his age, but I won't call him a cool guy now, but back in the day He was a sexy fuck. I did Royal Variety with Rodney Stewart I was supposed to do all variety of him, but he phoned in sick and did it the year after a you oh There we go. He was in a tight little pair of leopard print trousers That I wouldn't want to wear at any age.

Hi, Rod, Josh, and Michael. This is my just turned three year old doing your intro. I'm not gonna lie, we had a fair few attempts at this over the years, but I've never got around to sending them in. Thank you for keeping me sane and providing all the laughs on the daily commute to work, and most recently, on my drives around trying to get my baby to sleep. I've got a three year old and a six month old and a military husband who's spent a combined

total of eight months away over the last year. Bloody hell. Jesus. Full of joy over here, not at all stressed or sleep deprived. Keep being honest about the realities of parenting. We love to hear from you. Charlotte 31 living in Fairford. I don't know where Fairford is Is that a military place as well?

Might be a military base. Of course we've got the military living on a military base I quite like it when you meet a military kid like a grown-up military kid and you say where did you grow up? And they've been to about 16 different schools. Did you ever change school? Yes in my primary school I moved to primary schools because I think I've told you about this before that my first parents' evening in reception, so I was four or something, was like... And they wrote you off? Yeah, got written off first term. Where do we start with Rob? Rob's never going to be

a high flyer. I suggest you get down the early learning centre and get some stuff for shapes. Fuck it now. I did know shapes, but I still don't really know shapes. I sort of get... I know the octagon because I like UFC. Do you know what Rob? You haven't needed it. Who out of me and you would do best in the military?

I'm not very good at taking orders. I think you may be better at taking orders. I'm more of a walkover but also I'm more physically weak. You quite like being part of a team. I do. I'm more of a walkover, but also I'm more physically weak. You quite like being part of a team. I do. I'm more of a solo guy. I don't like being part of a big group. And the army's probably the biggest group.

It's the biggest group. Biggest gang going. Apart from So Solid Crew. Biggest gang going. No, I'll be no good in the military. Respect to everyone that does it. I used to get told that I'd probably get out of it because of my asthma.

Or I used to tell myself that. Like, when I was a teenager, the idea of, not national service, what's it called, like conscription, used to fucking hang over me. I was terrified of that happening when I was in my twenties. But your asthma would let you get away with it. You know, they'd go, if we went to war, I'd still, fuck, I'd hide. They'd describe you as the Muhammad Ali of comedy. Exactly. They do describe me.

Actually, now you said it. They do. They took away his BAFTA because he refused to fight. But he said that some things are more important. Fucking have it. I'll find you another one if you want, rather than going to war. Take my belt. Take my BAFTA. Don't ban me from theatres, though, or podcasts. That'd be horrible. So who's our guest today Rob?

Right, great episode this week Josh, great guest. It's superb this, and it's fascinating. Kiri Pritchard-McLean who, well you'll find out, that's Fostering, she's a great comedian, and she is on tour with her tour Peacock. Do go and see Peacock, you could probably get tickets online, can't you Rob? Yes, it's all online. I always think it's a bit patronising when people tell you how to get tickets online. If you want to go and see someone, we've all got the abilities to work out how to find

the tickets online in 2024. Potentially promo could be complete bollocks, but then you've got to tell people you're doing it at some point, haven't you? I don't know, tell them you're doing it, but you know, when it's like go to Kiri Pritchard McClain dot co dot, just fucking put it in Google World doing it. But you know, when it's like go to Kiri Pritchard McLean dot co dot just fucking put it in Google world. Go to HTTPS colong four slash four slash www dot world wide web. Anyway, this was a good episode, wasn't it? Good chat. Great. Great chat about fostering and very funny and very interesting. A loads of stuff I didn't know about fostering came up. Yeah. And her show, her tour show is all about the process of becoming a foster parent. As will be revealed

now. Kiri Pritchard-McLean, hello. Hi, thanks for having me. Oh no, thanks for being on. We're very excited. We've just been seeing you recording in a cupboard. Yeah, it is basically a cupboard. Other people might call it a walk-in wardrobe, but it's definitely a cupboard.

But it's because it's got nice sound, and I live in the middle of nowhere. It's a podcast studio. Yeah, yeah. So this is my home recording studio, and that's why the backdrop is quite exciting because behind it is just all the clothes that I should have put on vintage but I'm too busy to do. Now let's talk kids, Kiri, because you're our first fosterer. Yeah.

Which that's not because we're anti, just to be very clear. I imagine, what a mad thing to be anti about. We haven't turned down any people because we didn't feel fostering qualified. I've got to be very clear on that from the off. Absolutely, absolutely qualified. We had Tom Allen on just because he lived with his mum and dad at one point. Doesn't take a lot to qualify here. But we're very excited about talking about it.

And also your tour talks about fostering as well, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, it does. So what's the set of the family unit set up at home at the moment then, Kiri? Well, because what we do is we do the short breaks and stays. So like respite is sometimes what it's called. But like stayovers, holidays, weekends, it's anything from a couple of hours to a couple of weeks is what we do. Right.

Because I'm on tour. The way I basically put it to people is it's a bit like having couple of hours to a couple of weeks is what we do. Right. Because I'm on tour. Like the way I basically put it to people is that it's a bit like having a zero hours contract in that you like send them everything you can do. And sometimes that much and sometimes it doesn't. So the family set up at the moment is my partner and I, some rescue chickens, a disabled dog and a cat. But every now and then some teenagers sweep into our life for however long. All right.

Is there is there a rule on the age of the teenagers? When you say you send them your availability, is it a bit like you set your parameters a bit like when you're searching for property or whatever and you're like... Yeah, there's a right move for kids. 11 to 18 kind of thing. Yeah, got to be that. Yeah, don't want any redheads. No, isn't it?

When you get approved, like one of the things they work out is like what those parameters will be, like what is your capacity? So like when we went through the approval process, they asked a lot of lots of questions. And like, so basically my partner and I, neither has had any experience with babies at all, at all.

My partner had no experience with kids, like younger sibling, no nieces, nephews, anything like that at the time. And my experience was all teaching. So I said, Oh, anyone sort of for and upwards and literally in assessment, he went teenagers. And I was like, no, no, I didn't, I didn't say teenagers. But he was like, well, it's written down now, isn't it? So they make a judgment as well on based on what your experience is? Yeah. And what you feel comfortable with as well. And sometimes, you know, that can also be like,

you know, are you comfortable having, you know, young people with additional needs? And, you know, we're like, yes, but if they've got mobility issues, we don't have enough. We don't have a downstairs bedroom. A farm is not ideal, right, for that? A farm in Anglesey doesn't say, doesn't scream wheelchair access. I thought having a farm would mean that no teenagers wanted to come because all I can remember is growing up on a farm as a teenager and being like bored out of my mind. Of course.

And what kind of is it like being on call? Like could they say tomorrow someone arrives and this is the first you hear about it? We are also approved for emergency, which is literally a case of that sometimes. Like last week, actually, when I was on tour, they said, is there any chance, and it was on my day off, like any chance, you know, a parent was in hospital, that they didn't look like they were gonna get discharged in time, the kids were on their own.

So it was like, is there any chance you could just have them overnight and we will tell you in the next hour. And you'd be like, okay, can we get the house kind of ready and do we feel comfortable doing that? And we're like, yeah, we can do it. And then a few times we've had that and they've gone, it's okay, we've kind of sorted it out now,

or they've been discharged from hospital, it's all gonna be all right. But yeah, emergency is something where you will literally just get a call often because they know you're someone who has a spare bedroom. And it's like, we just need to put this young person somewhere safe tonight. Do you always know why it is?

You know different amounts. Sometimes you get lots of information, you know, but you always know why it is? You know different amounts. Sometimes you get lots of information, you know, but you will always get a bit of backstory. You never get, well, you shouldn't get a total like mystery, but it's normally things that are outside of the kids' control, but sometimes it can just be, you know, like a young person is with a family, or, you know, and that can be their own family.

It can be kinship fostering, so that'll be like an auntie or uncle or someone. And like the very suddenly that placement is broken down and the kid's like, I can can be their own family, it can be kinship fostering, so that'll be like an auntie or uncle or someone. And like the very suddenly that placement is broken down and the kids like, I can't be there anymore. And you know, you've got to respect and advocate their wishes. So they might come to you until something more permanent is sorted for however long, yeah.

So, and was there an option for you to do the more permanent stuff or did you want this or because of your lifestyle that you thought actually being a bit short breaks and it would be better for us? How did you come to that decision? What's been so interesting about all this and one of the reasons I'm doing the show is like I love kids and I love family, but I don't have a biological family. Never really wanted one. But people assume there's something wrong with your box at my age if you haven't had kids. But it's like I just have never really fancied it and the more I see my mates

because my closest mates are all single mums. I just see what it takes. I just honestly don't think I'm a good enough, you know, diligent, patient enough person to be a mum. It hasn't stopped me. Yeah, yeah, I could be a dad. A part of this was me is I always thought long term I'd adopt, but you know, when your life's nuts, you're like, how would that ever fit in, especially if they would need some more sort of support and things. But then when I heard about fostering, which I hadn't ever considered, I was like, oh,

this might be a way of finding out very slowly if I'm any good at this, you know, if we're any good at it. But also I didn't want to lose my relationship with my partner. I love our relationship and I do see kids, you know, not through any fault of the kids, but you know, it does take its toll, right? It really tests your relationship. And I thought, I don't want to, also, I didn't want to have kids of any kind, you know, whether that's adopting or biological and go, I'm bad at this or I hate this and you can't take it back. Like when you move to the country and then you like, you know, people who moved to the country and then they moved back. But you can't do that with adopted.

No, it's not ideal. It's not ideal. I just it's just not for me this. Do you know what? Was anyone ever walked into your house, a teenager and gone, are you the one from Live at the Apollo? Well, that's really interesting. So for the first I've been doing it for, well, we have been doing it for just over three years. And we, for the first, until the last six months,

I've been doing that under a false name with the kids. Because they could Google you on their way there, presumably. Yeah. And there's issues that I hadn't anticipated with that in that they were like, well, sometimes a kid might need to come to you and needs a bit of anonymity and you in a small area, very distinct name that lots of people know don't have any anonymity and you might need anonymity from their situation. So they suggested, have you got anything? And I was like, I'll use my middle name and my partner's surname and it's totally different. And they were like, okay, great. So I was fostering under

Louise for ages and that was so that's really strange. And is your partner having to suddenly kind of catch himself and go, carry, I mean, Louise is that kind of thing going on? Yeah, but he was but it was that's why we were speaking to each other in such a weird way. So he'd be like, Louise, would you like and only just met each other? So there was definitely a strange air. Not to mention I would always forget that I have like slippers with my own, with Kiri on them. And they're just like... These poor kids, what the fuck's going on here?

These country bumpkins and mental. Is that Welsh for left and right? She can't spell Louise. How's she allowed to foster? She can't spell her own fucking name on her shoes. But imagine you had young kids come to your house, right, and you've got to strip everything of your life as in comedy. There's quite a lot to take out, right? You know, in terms of you might have a tour poster up or, you know, an award you won or something like that. No worries there with that one.

I might have to pop the bathroom in the cupboard. But you have to take it out. But the other side of it is, I think rightly so social services are kind of worried about the impact and they genuinely, you know, they asked me some really tough questions at panel about that and what if a kid sees a clip of you online? What if the biological parents see the clip? You know, and because I, you know, quite fruity stuff and they were like, what if they see that and say, my child isn't safe with someone who speaks to me? And I was like, what?

And it was so weird to think, oh yeah, I really have to care what other people think about me if I'm gonna go into this. Because also, you know, biological family quite often will just, will want to be reunited, whether that is necessarily in the child's best interest or not. So what, there is some logic sometimes of like,

well, if I say, my kid can't go with her because she talks about blowies on stage, right. Yeah. And they think so the kid will come back to me. And of course, the kid won't. The kid will just go somewhere else again. Right. You'll go to the next safe place. So you can see where the logic comes from. It's really difficult.

So, yeah, they were like, let's have a false name. And then now I foster the kids under my own name since doing the show, because they had to sign off the show and everything. I had written it in secret. So your tour shows about being a foster parent and fostering and stuff in the main, or is it just a part of it? No, so I wouldn't say it's about fostering.

I'd say it's about the process. Like I don't really talk about the kids. I don't talk about what it's about. Oh, okay. So it's about going through it, because there were so many people asking me questions questions. Yeah it must be quite confronting actually. It must be incredibly, you're viewing yourself in a way you'd never be needing to view yourself otherwise. Do I kind of subscribe to the boxes that they are setting out that would make me good to look after

a child? And obviously we don't need to do that day to day. When my friend was going through the adoption process, they gave up on it in the end, just because it was so extreme. And they're like two of the most loving people ever that would be, you know, and it's easy for me to say that because I know them. And these people at the agency don't. So they have to do their due diligence because they can't put a child in any way that could be dangerous, whatever.

But like one of the things they marked them down was, there was in this flat in London that had stairs that had a bit of a sharp edge on it. But if you were having children biologically, you'd just put a stair gate up. And it would be a safe stair, but they were like, oh, it's not safe. And they're like, yeah, I know it's not safe, but we haven't got a child yet. But obviously... It'd be quite weird if we had a stair gate now. Yeah, it'd be weird. Yeah, exactly.

So it's just a bit like, whereas anyone that can biology have children, they just, obviously you just crack on with it. And there are social services and stuff that get called in, but no one's, when you're like, oh, we're pregnant at the three month scan, no one comes around and goes, right, you can't have that baby because of this, that, and that.

It's like a bit extreme. And I do understand the need to do it. I do feel like sometimes it's like, it's so strict. I mean, I don't know what your experience was like with fostering, but they they need to do it but I do feel like sometimes it's like it's so strict. I mean I don't know what your experience was like with fostering but they've got to do it but it just fell over the top at points with some of the stuff they're being pulled up on. I think with, so I can't speak to adoption although my best friend has adopted three biological children so like a whole set of siblings which is an awful lot and so she went through that process and it's very full on. So my assessment is very similar that I went through. My partner and I were interviewed for over 60 hours.

Not one sitting presumably, at Guantanamo Bay. I did it all squatting to show them how good my core was. And also they interviewed us separately as well. So they went away and sort of like, do these guys align when they're away from each other? How do they feel about each other? You know, what is their relation? What do they have the same view on each other's relationship? They spoke to, they interviewed friends, they interviewed family. I've done it for a friend who adopted. I was interviewed. Oh, how did you find that?

It's that weird thing where, obviously, you know, I know this. Oh how did you find that? It's that weird thing where obviously you know what I know this sounds bad but you know what the right answers are but they are the right answers anyway so that's fine but it was totally fine but you're almost feeling like you're almost feeling like a liar by saying the right answers if you know what I mean. Does that make sense because you're going I think they'd make great parents. I think it felt weird because I was so effusive and everything and you're like... It's weird to say something that you know out loud because it's a given.

Yeah, and also you're like, well, obviously I can't see them, but obviously that needs to be said. It's not as hard going to be, it's Josh and Rose, good parents. Like, yeah, yeah. It's so interesting to hear about it from the other side, because I don't know if it's one of those things where it's like, you know, if you're doing like a best man speech type thing and you're like, I mean, I know what I should say here, but like as a comic, there's an instinct. There was a bit of that. Like I was trying to make it more of a laugh than she was up for.

It's real. It's the most serious chat I've ever had in my life. I was like, fucking hell. Because they've got to do a serious job because they've got no idea, they've got to find out who these people are. But for me it's men's who say, yeah, it's my mates. These questions are insane. But then when you're saying them, you're like, I'm not fucking making it up.

Oh, they sound like they're too good to be true. That's just a truth. They're really loving. They've got a nice home They really want kids, you know, yeah, I don't know what else to say How do you choose the friends? Oh, yeah, that's interesting How did we well tell you what one was chosen because she had lived with me for a very long time And lived with me when I was in a different relationship as well

So she was she'd sort of seen me for years and years in different relationships. And she'd known both of us since, we went to uni with her. And another one, they spoke to my partner's brother as well, because also they're trying to dig into your childhood a bit. They're trying to find out, oh, you were parented, which I did not expect as well. You've got to be really like balanced about that, you know, because I think we were all parented in a very different time, right? By, you know, a different generation, you can't be like, let's give you the hat. Also, you're a standout comedian, like read between

the lines. But you also don't want to look like, oh, it's, you know, you're a bag of problems. And it's not that you're hiding anything, but you are always like you're saying you're going to be like, well, what, you what you know what what do they want from me and you know what is what's what's honest and and some things can be honest but then it feels too like saccharin yeah this is a tricky thing to pitch so what was the first time a child turned up like uh really scary yeah when i hear my friends who've had biological children talk about, you know, that feeling when you take a baby home from the hospital, you know, I can't believe we've just been left to do this.

Is it children in your local area or do they come from all over the country or is it more? We have, generally they'll keep them in the local authority, you know, because we'll probably need to take them to school or things like that. But sometimes we have unaccompanied young people. So that's people who are refugees who come over here. And sometimes they're placed in the local authority and sometimes because we are an island, there's a port there, sometimes young people kind of turn up there. And so it depends. But yeah, this was a local young person and I remember us driving home and like, it's so awkward because you're trying to chat but you're not trying to like bombard them and ask a question and you're trying to make it seem sort of fun and so

we're having sort of like do you know like real breakfast radio banter. So it's like funny thing about eggs actually and you know really broad light fluffy talking, and you know, really broad, light, fluffy talking points. And you know, you can see that that young person is feeling scared and overwhelmed. Yeah, of course. Really complicated feelings, but excited, you know, because also you have a matching meeting, in the best case scenario,

where they come and meet you first and they see the house and we've got a couple of bedrooms they can pick from. Don't want to brag guys. Do you want to go up and see the bedroom and see which one you'd like and then they get to make a choice and know where they're going to and we will usually chat about like oh we thought maybe we could do this and this but again it's all about like giving them space and not feeling like they're everything is on them and then but and then you get there and you're like we get home and you know they're unpacking and we're just like in the kitchen, like, now,

now what? Yeah. Yeah. And because they're teenagers, do they just want to go up to that room? Well, this is really interesting. So like a broad observation I personally made from the people who have come to us is I would say, and this is people always go teenagers, teenagers, an observation I have made is the young people who come to us who are British born, the number that they have as an age isn't always reflective of where they are necessarily. And that can be, and also my friends who aren't care experienced, I aren't in foster care, who have children with trauma, often like the number, and it can be in different ways,

their age is showing up younger than maybe it would be because that's what happens with the trauma literally, doesn't allow all sorts of things to develop at the same time. So you look at it and be like, oh, right, we've got a 16 year old lad coming to us, but they actually might wanna do things much more like maybe a 12 year old or a 13 year old.

So the thing that it's 12 year old or a 13 year. Yeah the thing that it's really taught me is Well, cuz and then on the flip side the people who've come to us who have come to this country as refugees Are a lot older and not in not in a Daily Mail. Oh, they're all men in their 30s kind of way If you are, you know coming from Syria and you are walking for four months and then you're smuggling here and getting on this, you grow up very, very quickly. Yeah, of course. And so they are much more self-contained. And sometimes that's because there's a language barrier as well.

But the massive thing it's taught me is, okay, you get the information, you get a referral, right? So that'll be a thing being like, what do they want? What do they need? Like, as they're, you know, do they, do they use drugs? Do they vape? That kind of thing. Is there any issue? Have they, have they been violent in the past? Anything like that. You saw just anything that might show up that you would like want people to know as a heads up. Cause also you get that and you see that before you make a decision. Cause you go, oh, can we meet those needs? Yeah, we can. So, you know a bit going in, then you have a matching meeting, then they come to you. But I would say that document, no matter how up to date it is, you go, okay, I've got that info,

and now I'm going to like meet the person. It's a bit like, you know, when you're playing a gig and you look at it and you go, right, it's a golf club, they're all 100. And you're like, okay, I've got to be clean. And then when you start playing, you're like, that's a golf club, they're all 100, and you're like, okay, I've got to be clean. And then when you start playing, you're like, that's not actually what they want. And you're like, I want it, I want it, I'm a bit rude, they like it when I bet. And you just tweak as you go along.

So you do have a set of expectations, but that's the thing it's taught me is just like, well, where's this young person meeting us? And so how are we going to meet them back basically? Because obviously they've got ground rules that are in their house. So I don't know what this would be, but for instance, rules on phones or rules on whether

we sit at the dinner table or whether we can watch TV or bedtime or what you would watch on TV, I suppose. And like, how does that work? Do you have to adapt to them and play into that or do they adapt into you? Well, because often we're having, in nearly all the cases so far actually, yeah, the young to adapt to them and play into that or do they adapt into you? Well, because often we're having, in nearly all the cases so far actually, the young people are having work, taking them from another foster family and as I said, that could be people who aren't genetically related or they are genetically related to them. We go to

them, right, what's bedtime? What's this? We are consistent. We're like anything else, bit like if you're babysitting, right? Like, you know, how can we help you and reaffirm that? And then again, there's a bit of leeway. So what will happen sometimes is they come down, they go to bed and they come down after half an hour and go, you know, it's a bit weird. You know, I'm finding it hard to sleep and, you know, but sometimes it's so funny when they're trying it on because all it keeps right on where they're like, oh, I can't sleep.

And I'm like, okay, what's, you know, what's it, anything, are you warm enough? Yeah, I am warm enough. It just is, I think probably I just need to watch whatever you're watching on the telly and then I'll be all right. They're just trying it on, right? And you can clock it. But you can also see when they're finding it a bit overwhelming and there's, one of the great things about doing it, right? And one of the things that appeal to me so much is The training so you've got to do like 15 hours of training every year And I think so many more parents would feel so more confident about the process if they got someone going Do you want to do some training on like pace parenting? So it's a type of parenting

That's so the P is for like playful and you know and you ask questions and you keep it light so like when a young person will come down and or sometimes when I'm picking them up so for the first time in August my fellow was up at the fringe I was doing bits and pieces and they said listen could you take this lad for three days and I was like yeah I could take him on my own that's fine because normally we're both together so we're supporting each other we can give the kid as much attention as possible. We're like, because we try and be like dream parents because you can't do it for two days, right? Everyone can have their phones, all that kind of stuff, right? So it was like just me and I remember picking him up and once we're chatting away and he's

great lad, all the kids have gone through fantastic and I was like, it's a bit awkward and I don't want to ask him questions so the pace thing is you kind of ask questions out loud. So I was like, and so I can't remember what I said, but then I said, I said, you know what, I think if I was you, I think I might feel a bit nervous now because you know, you're in a car with someone you don't really know. I know when that before, but I think I might be feeling a bit like that. And they're like, I am a bit nervous. You give them like the space. Yeah. Rather than going, are you nervous? Yeah, exactly, because that feels like a bit of an accusation and they'll be reading all sorts of things. Yeah. These young people quite often, like lots of young people, especially post-COVID,

right? They're like heightened states of aware, you know, they notice everything and you don't necessarily know, are you doing something that someone in their past did that's going to make them feel a certain way? Yeah. So keeping it really casual, open and being like, yeah, I think I'll be nervous, but I think maybe I'd be a bit excited because we talked about different things we were going to do. Be like, oh yeah, I'm excited. You know, like, and you just give them the space to do this and like, and having that information of how to do that. I do it with my like, I did it with my partner the other day and he didn't clock on. He was sort of like really stressed about work, I think. And I said, Oh, do you know what? I think

if I was in that situation, I would feel like this. And I'm like, I'm parenting this man now. But it's really it's really useful. And I feel really lucky that we get so much, you know, the stuff that we've learned about because I think when you do our job and I love our job and it is about people, right. But especially when you start to do all right, you can move away from the kind of people you grew up with and were around right if you're not family family family and I it would

definitely be easy of me to not realize how lots of the country lives and how hard it is for people and how complicated it is and you know so when I would see things before our kids not going to school because of my upbringing I'd be like just send your kid into school Just tell them they're going but it's not when you've got a kid with anxiety and panic attacks and trauma and Actually going into school for one day a week's brilliant. Like great. Let's celebrate that and nice I'm from a very hardline family. I never would have said that a few years ago, but just again Taking people as you find them, right? Did you?

totally changed your perceptions of, like, do you think you've changed as a person from it hugely then? Do you know what, I don't really know about that. Maybe, yeah, maybe, I think I'm softer now, yeah, a bit sort of like, less just a bit hardline, maybe a bit more understanding. But I also, do you know what the weird thing it's done? Is I think it's brought my partner and I closer together. That's not like biological parenting. That's very different too.

No, no, I do think though it does though, when you are a parent it brings you closer together. But I think if you were like, when it's every single day, then you sort of feel, cause you're so stretched. Whereas whereas I say for you if you're doing it in bursts you can have those moments where you're really together and then you get a bit of like rest right in between but I do think it brings you close together with biological as well but I've been it then after about a few years you find yourself passing like ships in the night don't you? Absolutely and I see that and like that was one of the things that I was kind of like scared of.

I was like really scared of like, cause like, you know, I was just so happy and part of me didn't want our lives to change. And now I feel like I've got this beautiful thing where I've got these amazing young people coming in and out of our lives. And it's so nice, they always want to come back. And do you know what's really beautiful is

my partner had very literally zero experience with young people before we started this. And I'd say since then we've been approved and like all my mates kids are at the house all the time. Like ours is the house that everyone comes to and then we've got the young people coming to us as well. So it's a busy house and he's great with kids now, but like seeing him those first times with the kids and how she just naturally was a lot of the times we were told with a couple of the different young people, listen, they probably won't have anything to do with the guy, you know, because based on, you know, stuff in the past, maybe like, you know, they're probably going to keep away from him. So they'll probably come to you, Louise, that, you know, they

won't ask him for anything. Not the case at all. I guess because my partner has quite femme energy. It was so beautiful to watch these young people really be drawn to him and his kindness. It was so lovely to see that quality. That quality is the thing that, the only thing that was making me think I needed to have children was I kind of wanted him to carry on forever because of this quality. Then I see it with the young people and I'm like, it's okay, it's still happening. It's still having the effect. Now you've done it a little while and it obviously seems you seem to be really enjoying it and it's been very successful for on both sides for you and the kids. Is it now because obviously

biologically you can't not have kids because of biology, you just decided not to as a life choice. Has it made you rethink that and potentially you may? Or has it made you think do fostering like more of a one-on-one full-time thing rather and little bursts here and there or even adoption? Has it opened your thoughts on those things? I think I've doubled down on not wanting to have children biologically. And I also feel like I'm more of a support to my, especially my single moms. Like I say, that's all my close friends.

I'm more of you being a supportive person because I mean, the context we're all having kids in now, like years ago, our parents, generally, there'd be kind of three generations around, right? The parents would be there and your grandparents. Living very close, there'd be loads of childcare, lots of support, you know, not everyone where both families, you know, the mum and dad had to go out and that's quite heteronormative obviously, both parents had to go out and work and whereas that is not my thing, I know, you know, like I don't have family

support, not in a bad way that, you know, they live miles away, it's just not up to their, in their 70s, you know, that kind of thing. So I think and I see that with my friends as well that actually what they're doing is also is it called sandwich caring taking care of parents and children and I think I'm much more used to my community if you like to not have children biologically and I love this so much it's all the bits of family that I was like I don't need them to look like me, but I do want to, you know what I mean? I do want to go, you're brilliant and make a kid believe in themselves. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like that's all the stuff that I wanted. But I, you know, I love the kids when they're little and they come up and give them little hugs, like little baby chimps. Obviously, you always miss that

stage and things like that. But I actually really do much more enjoy them now, eight and six, and as they're growing, where you can connect with them on their emotions and talk to them. Because then if they're worried about something, you can say, what is that? And then by talking to them or letting them talk, it can change their behaviour, they can enjoy their school or their day more. When it was just babies, I just found that it was like working in a factory, it was just relentless, feed it. We didn't get anything back. And all that baby needs is a bit of feed. And I didn't love that stage where some people loved the babysitter. I didn't love that stage. It was fun, but I much prefer it as they're older and they're like my little

mates and I suppose with you you know it's almost like a little brand new parent in scenario almost it's like a VR headset of parenting like okay today this is to put this is like the information on the child this is the sheet that we've had that meeting then they arrive and then it's up to you to sort of connect with that child work out what they need and facilitate that for as long as they're with you. And then if they can go a little bit happier, or they've had a few days' respite, there must be such an amazing feeling to be able to offer that to, you know, a revolving door of children that really need support and are quite vulnerable in society.

So it must be a great feeling. Yeah, I think it is. But the first feeling afterwards is like this. It's so mad that when they leave, there's always a bit where you're like, oh, the house is so empty now, right? Because kids, noisy, they fill a house, right? And then you have this weird thing where you're like, oh my God, I'm knackered.

And you're kind of like, oh, thank God that's over. But you're also like, there's this emptiness there. And also like, oh my God, we got away with it. You know, like again, when you do a gig and you're like, but for a corporate or something, and there's two dance floors between you and the like, oh my God, we got away with it. You know, like again, when you do a gig and you're like, but for a corporate or something, and there's two dance floors between you and the audience, you're like, okay, we got away with it.

Like everyone survives. So there's that kind of relief, but like, and then we will sit and talk about the kids and laugh and you know, do you say that? And you know, or did you see that? And oh, wasn't it lovely when they did this and when they went and did this themselves. Like, so we like have this massive debrief.

And that's again why it's so great to be doing it in a partnership with someone who who cares. But you know, we we have sort of said if a young person came to us and said this feels like home, there's no way that we like if we could, we wouldn't go, OK, well, that's OK. That's home then. It's home for two weeks. Jog on. At the start, at the start of the chat you said, I wanted to do fostering and stuff like that

because we didn't know if through a doctor, if I could do, you actually, it felt quite mean to yourself. He's like, I wouldn't be able to do this, I'd be shitting and stuff like that. Which obviously I didn't think would be the case or true. That's your own sort of head telling you that. But obviously you've actually proven it now that you can be really good. And also especially with this

training stuff like that, was it ever a confidence thing stopping you having your own child and the responsibility of that where you know you're quite down on yourself at the start about saying you won't be able to do it? I do still stand by that. If anything I feel like the more I've done it the more I'm sure that I don't think I could do it full-time Like because you know what? I'll give you another hack as well Like so I do want to like consider people to be like local authority Ross respite foster care is if anything I've said is like resonated because one of the reasons why I like to do what I do

I think loads of people in my position feel like you know If you're my age and you haven't had kids you fill in this massive pressure. How do you mind if they're asking? How old are you? Do you mind if me asking how old you are Kiri? I'm 37 next month. Yeah. So, you know, obviously like TikTok, there's not many eggs rattling around in there. You know, there's all this kind of stuff and like people going, you know, are you going to have children, especially if you're in a long term relationship as well.

So there's all this going on. And I think there's so many people like me who feel this pressure to have children, but don't know if it's right for them. And I would just really consider being a foster care, especially respite because two things, one thing that lots of people start respite and then become long-term. So you might find it's right for you and then move forward. One of the things they say is when a young person comes to someone, like comes to a family, the honeymoon period, they say is two weeks because everyone can be you know flying all cylinders then you know

The longest we will have anyone as a result of respite is two weeks. So like we're getting these Yeah, it's all honeymoon. It's all honeymoon. And you know when they come back there's they do it's so funny There was um, there's a young lad who came to us, right? And I took him I took him to the arcade and I was there for over the weekend and they said, can you have him in a couple of days in the week? I think I was at a gig on the first night and he might have said, my father's such a soft touch, he's like, he picked someone up from school and he just wants the kids to be happy so he's like, can we go to the, he's like, what do you want to do? And he

went, arcade, which like from where we live is about an hour's drive after school, so he's like, after school, he's like, okay, is that what you did last time? Okay. And like, this kid's absolutely taking the piss out of him because he's like, right, I guess I go to the arcade an hour away now after school. But yeah, I think it's really, so the kids when they do come back, they do like, okay, well, let's try and find some new boundaries. Because that's what all kids do, right?

That's what I did as a kid. And they need that as well a little bit because it's a bit like, you know, they don't, because if you are coming out of quite a traumatic situation, you can't just constantly be like, distracting, distraction, arcade, arcade. At some point it'll be good for them to, you know, help them get through it rather than constantly making it like sort of like special day every day, you know what I mean?

And stuff like that. And it's been so interesting in so many ways, like that. I hadn't anticipated that. But also I think, because I was a bit naive, I didn't really know anyone, or I didn't knowingly know anyone who was care experienced, who grew up right, I didn't know them very well. I realize now it's very common, it's just kind of hidden. So it's like in my family, my dad was adopted, my mum's brother is adopted, there's a lot of kind of, I guess alternative families for want of a better phrase, in my family.

But maybe what I hadn't realized is like, because a lot of time you have a thing called contact, which is where they will see their biological parents. And what I hadn't anticipated is for like, this is so naive and ignorant of me, but the parents absolutely adore them. And you know, like have a great relationship with them, often, not always. And, but those people for whatever reason just aren't able to meet their needs full time. And I just thought, oh, it's only bad parents who get their kids. You know, I was just like quite archaic.

It's only bad parents who failed at getting their kids. But of course, there's so many complicated reasons why a young person might not be able to live full time with their birth family. And that again has been like, again, meet people where you find them, right? Don't make any judgment even about what's on the form. You might have some information, but it's always a much bigger picture, I think. Oh, it's amazing what you're doing, Kiri. It's incredible.

And so that's what's called respite foster care is what you do. Is that the title of it? Well, it's just foster. I think they don't like the term respite, and rightly so because they don't like terms that like, well, you wouldn't say to a kid who's getting babysat by an uncle or whatever, going over to you now, be like, are you on respite? No, it's foster care,

but you can pick what availability you have depending on your lifestyle essentially. If people wanted to get into it, what would be your advice on like what to do? Go to your tour show first to find out. Go to my tour show, yeah, traveling everywhere. My advice would be, there's a thing that they say which is really, I don't think they even know they're being funny, but like before, I didn't go

forward with anything like this because we had maybe talked about adoption at some point and it was literally a radio advert and I was like okay I'll just ring up and find out, but I won't be able to because I'm a stand up in my life so da da da. They say don't rule yourself out, we'll rule you out. They're being completely honest about it because people go, I can't because of this and this and that, but it's such a broad church because there's many different kids there are, you need homes that can reflect these kids, right? So don't rule yourself out, contact your local authority, so your council, right? Contact your council and speak to them because they will run courses. It's kind of, you know, that's who I foster through my local authority.

There are private firms. There's lots of big conversations about that, you know, and privatizing childcare and like I'm not out to demonize anyone that, you know, those foster carers do an amazing job and they fill in the gaps that we don't have in our local authority. But for me, local authority foster care has been brilliant. So is yours completely unpaid? No, so all of it's paid, it's a job, right? So you're paid to do it? Yeah, but you will get paid less in local authority,

I'll be honest with you there. Right, okay, fair enough. Because it's not for profit. Okay. And lots of, you know, it's quite complicated, lots of private companies will be not for profit as well, but local authority, I don't expect to make millions basically What I can't remember we have a kid overnight. I think it's about I probably misquoting it, but maybe 60 quid and and We will go right well. That's what we have a budget to spend on the kid that day Yeah, it's just kind of because the overheads of what you're doing are probably about that Food food oh, man. We weekend dadding this shit when we have that. It's all like what do you want to do? There's 40 quid in arcade machines mate. We've done 50 quid in

petrol. Yeah do you know what's weird is decorating a bedroom for a kid that you don't know. So is the bigger argument that there's some companies that are run for profit, that then obviously there's a moral decision in there of how much of that profit should be going back in to be reinvested in the company and the fostering system where local authority is non-profit, essentially? It's quite a delicate conversation. I will speak from the perspective of Wales. So Wales has just said we don't want any more private foster companies

and they're gonna be phased out in the next few years. I think the issue is is that there are for some of them there's a profit margin on the children and it can be like 25% that they need to make from the child and whenever you do something like educational healthcare I think we all understand you've got to do that at a loss right? You invest, it's an investment. It's not a profit-making thing. And you can get a case where, because of the maybe lack of, and I'm also not saying that local authority,

there'll be people who have horror stories about fostering through their local authority. It's all different all around the country. Yeah, and so what you can have is lots of councils going bankrupt, which we know about. And if you look into it, a lot of the figures are there, health and social bill of children who need support is absolutely massive because when you pay a private firm, it's like, you know, it's like, you know,

if you get a substitute teacher on an agency, they get paid much more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But because you've got to do it and it's just, it's filling gaps, right? And then that school that can't hire that permanent person ends up paying much more to have different people coming in and being a history teacher for that thing because they aren't able to hire. And then it's this really difficult financial situation and it is having a really big impact on councils. So, yes, that's why I would be an advocate for local authority fostering.

But again, I understand there'll be people out there who've had a negative experience and then gone to the private companies, but I would always go through local authority and yeah, just, and a big difference for me, I'll be honest. So when we started doing it, we nearly quit after six months. And it's because of how the caseload of social workers is nuts. And again, like anything, right? People are really good at their jobs, people aren't very good at their jobs, but the caseload that I've seen is like the burnout is unbelievable for these people. So for six months, we would get a social worker, we'd cut, they'd come over and have a brew and we'd meet them. And then the next time they say, okay, you've got a

new social worker, they're gonna, and we had never had the same one for six months, never. It's just because they're burning them out. Just turning and then we got a brilliant super focusing social worker so you get a social worker the young person has one and game changer like she's so there so present also she's like they're kind of like matchmakers so she'll like call up and be so excited she's like you're gonna love this kid she's like i'm excited already, can you do this? The boxing promoter. Yeah, yeah. She's, ha ha ha. You should've seen the kid last week. Yeah.

But she will be like, you know, like, and I'll be like, oh, I've got a gig. And she's like, move the gig. Like, you're gonna love this kid. You know what I mean? Like, she's really, and she's right. And that means that every kid we have, it's like, it's just joy from the beginning.

We know that she thinks that we can do the job. And you know, like, that's a big vote of confidence as well in your sort of skills. So having a brilliant social worker has been the absolute game changer for us. Oh, incredible. Oh, Kieris is amazing. So I didn't know about all the intricacies out of it.

And so I didn't even think that there was an option to be a foster carer where there's like, they come for like up to two weeks. Cause like you say, you just think, oh, my lifestyle wouldn't fit that. But the right thing is to do is then speak to them and let them rule you out rather than ruling yourself out because there's you know and the kids have so many different needs and demands that there's always a you know a square you know square hole around peg whatever it's called you know what I mean? Can I ask one more question which is you uh because you alluded to it earlier and I

think it's a kind of fascinating situation you had to to clear your tour show. So let's watch the tour show called for everyone. We'll put it at the start, we'll do all that stuff. Don't worry. The tour show is called Peacock because I had to, I mean, I'm lucky enough to be at a point now where you put the tour show on sale before you've really written it. Yeah, yeah, of course. But I had this idea, I wanted to do a show that talked about a very realistic look of what it was like to go from like somebody who doesn't want biological children to being approved as a foster care or like going through the whole process, right?

Because it is really touch and go whether we're approved or not and then the show covers that. So I found my social worker and I was like, and do you know what had happened as well? Is that they had been to see my last show, which was all about Welsh history and you know, like the Welsh language being oppressed and how we'd also been oppressors as part of the empire and they'd never seen a Edinburgh kind of show about a thing, right? And so they all came along and some of them were starting to go, it's a shame you couldn't talk about fostering in that way, isn't it? Like they'd never seen a show about a thing, right?

And so I was like, Oh, I think the will is there. And so I said to my social worker, I know I can't talk about it, but can I just show you how I would if I could? And so I went into a boardroom and there was three people there. And it was my social worker. The social worker I'd first spoken to is in recruitment and the marketing person. And in a boardroom at two o'clock on a Wednesday,

I did the show to them. Oh my God. Oh my God. And then they said, okay, great, okay. And they went- The full show. The full show to them. Uncle. Uncle.

Uncle. Uncle. Uncle. Yeah, we either got booed off very quickly. And then I said, okay, they said, okay, great. And I was like, fucking yes, it's been signed off. And they said, we'll have to escalate it. So then the next one, I double my audience members guys, six. But it was the head of the whole of foster company, so the whole of Welsh fostering. It was the head of the whole of foster company, so the whole of Welsh fostering. It was the head of social services for my county.

Steve Bennett from Chortle as well. Bennett was in, Bennett was in, yeah. The head of fostering in my area, the head of social services in my area, the head of fostering in Wales, like all there. So there was like six people. Oh God. To do the show again. That's the hardest corporate of all time.

And the show again. That's the hardest corporate of all time. And the lowest page. You know what, there was this real moment like where the guy especially the guy was very, very high up. He turned he's the head of social services and he turns ahead of fostering and he went, Well, what do you think? And I was like, Yeah, I'm sat there in front of you. What do you think? And he goes, he pauses anyone, because I think that is bloody brilliant. And I was like, oh my god.

And I was so that's a proper Simon Cowell, isn't it? Like, it kind of called it from big brother back in the day. It was like a mad beat. And then and you know what? And they've been one of the head of fostering in Wales has been to see it twice and is like, that's the best recruitment we could have, you know, like, behind it in an amazing way. And also, every show, the local authority fostering team, I invite them down, they come into the foyer, they hand out pamphlets, we have a picture, we have a chat. And because I want I could you make people feel a thing, right? And if you can make them take the thing, it might happen now. But maybe in two years, they give a call. Yeah, let me just Steve Wright uh RIP through the dates. Lincoln, Hull, Harrogate, York, Canterbury, Colchester, London, Winchester, Newcastle, Sheffield, Leicester, Brighton,

Worcester, Monmouth, Oxford, Andover, Norwich, Norwich, Bury St Edmunds, Guildford, Northampton, Reading, Swindon, Shrewsbury, Stratford upon Avon, Coventry, Nottingham, Dublin, Belfast, Dundalk, Cork, Cork again, Birmingham, Aberdeen, Melrose, Edinburgh, Carlisle, Darwin, oh Darwin, Banger and Banger. Banger and Banger, been finishing Banger. Same venue but different nights. Banger is where my local authority is, so all my fostering team are in. That's the big one.

Is that gonna be okay or stressful? That's gonna be really stressful because there are some people who don't know that they're in the show. Book the Banger one then. Might kick off after. Oh thanks, Kiri, this has been amazing. Kiri, it's been so fascinating and funny and brilliant and good luck with the

tour. It's called Peacock. Kiri Pritchard-McLean.co.uk. Thank you so much. Kiri Pritchard-McLean. That was brilliant, Josh. A little bit more informative than our normal ones, but I was so interested about with like adoption or fostering, like there's so many, especially 12 year olds up to like adulthood that need support for a few days here, there and everywhere. I always thought you had to either adopt or foster for a long period of time. But if your lifestyle suits it, there must be so many people out there have a

spare bedroom, these kids are at uni or grown up that could fill that gap and make such an impact in young people's lives. And it's amazing that Kiri's getting, getting the word out there because I didn't know at all. Did you? No, no, I didn't. I genuinely didn't. At the start when she explained it, I was like, oh, what's that?

I don't really, you know, and then you're like, oh, this is just incredible. Hopefully and hopefully, yeah, hopefully more people sign up and do it. That's amazing. I mean, I don't think I'm in a position at the moment. Right, Josh, I'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.