Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP36: Casa Del Plyboard

Episode Date: January 3, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Atlas, can you say Ron Beckett? Whoa!

Ron Beckett. Atlas, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdecombe? Josh Widdecombe. Good boy, that's fantastic. Only one thing we want to talk about there, Rob. Wow, the problem is, when someone's called Atlas, I don't expect a child's voice. I expect a gladiator.

A gladiator. Atlas. Read the email. Is that a Greek name? Atlas must be a Greek god, mustn't it? I don't know. Did it take on the encyclopedia? Britannica? My name is Leoni, mama to Atlas, who was born and currently raised in? I mean, a collection of mama, Leonie and Atlas, the fucking moon. I don't know. I've got no idea. Halling in Kent.

Halling? Oh, that's nice. Oh, it's where that big, there's a big lake where they do aqua climbing stuff in it. Aquazur, Atlas's brother. The youngest siblings to Zeus. Sorry, this is a bit... I love it. No, I think it's me. No, I don't think so, because I think we're celebrating it.

That is absolutely... She's gone for it. I totally respect it. I'm a stay at home mum, as I returned to work and could not juggle being what the circus said. Yeah. Lovely stuff. Lovely stuff. That what I think is a good mum and excelling in international business industry I was in before. Is that ironic? I think Leone might rate herself. Yeah, I think she does. International business.

Are we in international business? Yeah, it's an international podcast. Yeah, I suppose it is, isn't it? You've done gigs abroad? I've done two or three. Last legs on telly in Australia, is it? I love being Atlas's mama so much and so far. Mama. I faced any real struggles since he was born, but I'm also very aware that the terrible twos around the corner. So pray for me. Don't need to. You're the mother of a god.

Is that the god was always the name atlas? She is it? God of the world is he? I don't know. Atlas stones. I'm very conscious about my typing now. I'd say while Google on my phone, that'd be quiet, wouldn't it? Atlas is a gender neutral name of Greek origin meaning enduring or to endure. This was the name of the mythical Titan who bore the weight of the world on his shoulders. Oh, bloody hell. That's how your brain feels. Tell me about it, mate. I was trying to find a USB-C adapter at nine o'clock this morning. That was the weight of the world on my shoulders. Behind you looks absolutely chaotic. There's a giant mirror looking at you, covering your

window. Have you got any natural light in that room? Yeah, yeah. A bit of window above it. The back of your... whenever you show me your house at the moment, it looks like one of them was jig puzzles. And it changes every day. This has become, so I've had, not good for the podcast, quite a relaxed Christmas, Rob. Yeah, I can see you've not done any tidying. But I've realized it's because we've shoved everything in this room and not opened the

door. And now I've come this morning to do the podcast and my mind is gone. Just to carry on, love your podcast and the show I saw last year at the O2. She doesn't specify whether that was us or whether she's sort of Madonna. She's not Shania Twain. Thanks for the always staying relatable Leonie or Leonie. Fair enough. Respect.

Atlas, what a name. Merry Christmas. How was your Christmas? Do you know what, Rob? It was pretty stress-free. Nice. I'll give you a little highlight for the podcast to show it wasn't completely stress-free. Well, I mean, it's the day after Boxing Day and you've had to get an Uber driver to get a lead from your mate's house, which seems like a stressful morning.

That was so stressful. I was like, I can't believe this is back to reality. which seems like quite stressful morning. That was so stressful. I was like, I can't believe this is back to reality. Because we've still got a load of stuff packed from boxes from when we were in Airbnbs. And so the mic is somewhere in there or possibly in an Airbnb. You've managed to get all the stress of moving house, but not moving house. Totally. Christmas was good. We bought we did. I'll tell you about we bought a bigger hamster cage for the hamster. Yeah. And the reason I tell you that I had to I had to build the hamster

cage and it's got tubes on the outside. Yeah, but the guy from Socrane. Big pictures of yeah, surely tubes should have done it done hamster tubes. Did you know what Rob I don't think that's gonna sell as many as you think. I'm a dreamer. I'm working international business what can I say. So it's quite a big tube.

It's 35 quid absolute bargain of a cage. Just for the tubes? For the cage. Just for the tubes? For the cage. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah, lovely. But it was massive when it arrived. So we were going to put it under the tree, but even folded down, it didn't fit. Oh, right. As a present.

So we built it. Oh, that's much more fun though. But you are building a Hamster's cage Christmas Eve in a house that you've just moved into. Was the kitchen finished? So interesting fact on that. Yes, but we didn't have the sideboards, the surfaces. So actually- I don't think you can call that finished. We've got running water, Rob. I'll tell you about our Christmas Eve in a minute. Yeah, the car's finished. No wheels. So all the seats are there.

We've put the plywood, we've got plywood sideboards at the moment. Oh, right. So you've got sideboards, but not the finished ones. Yeah. And you know what? It's quite liberating now. You can spill whatever the fuck you want on them. I might just go for a new plywood sideboard every month. It's absolutely to not have to wipe them down to feel like you just whatever. It doesn't matter, mate. This is going. I'll tell you about Christmas Eve in a minute, but we're building the hamster cage. I don't know if any parent has had

this situation. So we're talking about whether he's called Chip, but he's nicknamed Hammy, whether he'd go through the tubes. My daughter said to me, quite serious, she said, because Hammeh is going to look at those tubes and he's going to think fucking hell. She said that. I was like, what? Sorry. She said fucking hell.

Yeah. And she said it in such an offhand manner. Like it was just a casual word. Yeah, it's just gonna think fucking hell. I said, oh, you can't say that. And she's like, no, no, no, Hammy's saying it. I was like, no, no, he can't. I was like, where have you heard that?

And she's like, well, you say it. You say it all the time. I say it all the time. But when it's good or bad. When it's good or bad, when it's good or bad. And she says you said so much that she thinks it's just the middle of a sentence. Yeah. It's not like bad. Awful. Awful. Yeah, she wasn't. So I was like, well, I shouldn't say it. Yeah. And every time I say it, you need to tell me off for saying it. All right. And has she been doing that?

Well, she hasn't told me off yet, but so hopefully I haven't said it. Right. Okay. Fair enough. Yeah. She wasn't near you and you couldn't find the lead this morning. No, I was just thinking that. Yeah. That was my life that I was saying this morning. Yeah. But you sorted that quickly though. I sorted that quickly. You seem very chilled.

No, I wasn't Rob. All right. Okay. I was concerned when you ring me directly. Yeah, yeah. So, Christmas Eve, five workmen in the house. That's just normal, I think. You wouldn't want to have it any other way. Wouldn't want it any other way than two plumbers from Peterborough. Oh, poor sons. What

time do they finish? Not without, well they're being fucking paid for call out on Christmas Eve mate. Were you concerned that they'd want to get it done really quickly to get home and it may not be done well? That would be my consideration. It wasn't even my concern, he was very clear that that's what he was going to do. Okay. That was a given. Yeah, he said my aim is to be out of it by 11am. Wow. What time did he arrive? Seven. Oh, I mean, I don't know.

To do a bath, two sinks and a toilet. And he had to go and buy a toilet seat because our toilet seat hasn't arrived. But he was out by midday. Oh, that's good. Good on him. Good guy. Yeah, good guy. Twoday. Oh, that's good. Good on him. Good guy. Yeah, good guy. Two sugars.

Sorry, mate. Sugars are packed away at the moment. No sugar in this house at Christmas. No sugar in this house. Somebody's gonna eat too much sugar at Christmas. Not here. Not Cassadel Plyboard. Christmas Day was very nice.

I think the presents bit of Christmas Day is just the best bit of the whole year. I love it. The Christmas morning. We had got the girls some books, some nice books to save us like a table present. Because sometimes they don't like the food as much as adults. So they get them bored. So we were like, oh, that's clever. Let's give them something that they can like read or play at the table with us, rather than them just being bored. That is a very clever idea.

And I think we'll do it next year because we operate the, oh, just go. If you don't want to sit here. Just go. You've had a yuletia, leave. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm not going to hold you here for no reason. Well, what I'd say is we got these lovely, beautiful books about animals and dinosaurs in the universe. They literally looked at them and went, Oh, thanks. Put them down, walked

off. So it's pointless. Well, you need what you need to get them Rob is a Nintendo DS at the dinner table. Yeah. An iPad. Yeah, an iPad. Well, I was got I was got iPads, Josh. I've got an because we had them like fire device things, whatever they're called. I don't know how to work them because I've only ever been on Apple. So I literally they'd given to me and I'm like, what? So if we get them, we can the Father Christmas brought them for them. But then I set them up on in them. Well, Oh, you didn't do them in the box. You did them pre set up. Oh, no, it's quite difficult to talk. Father Christmas brought them for them. However, they were in the house the night before. So I set it all up and then put them back in the box and

wrapped it up so when they got it out, everything was on there. So yeah, that was that would be a great tip if you are doing that. Yeah. The night before the week before. So can I ask a question on that? Yeah. Because my daughter's got an iPad, which is just a hand me down from me. And so she's got, have we discussed this before?

She's still linked up to my phone. So she's got all of the photos that go on my phone. Has she got an email address on her account? No, is that what she needs? So yeah, you're doing it completely wrong. Okay. Well, no, I'm not doing it. I've just done nothing.

Yeah, yeah. No, it's not completely wrong. But what you can do on that is you set up a family profile and then you get them an email address and you log them into an iPad on their email address. They'll get all their kids apps, all their stuff, and it'll be separate from all your stuff. And then you can go on your phone to the family thing and you can choose what she has access to through that. Right.

Rather than just having access to the entire world. And what, where have you drawn the line? Well, I'd put it on like the right age and then they were like, we can't get roadblocks so I had to press 12 plus or something. So now they're all on 12 plus, but it's difficult cause like some of the Spotify songs, I don't wanna listen to Kanye West say the N word,

but then I don't mind if they say like bitch in a Taylor Swift song. Cause we had this thing where we put... What? It's a weird... She might say bitch. She does say bitch, but it's still quite a bad word, but it's not as bad as... She might want to listen to the song Bitch by Meredith Brooks. Do you remember that?

No, I don't actually know. But anyway, it was a nightmare to try and do and quite stressful, but at least now we've got a bit more. We can do a thing where you can, the iPad literally won't work before 7am and then after 4pm. And stuff like that. So if you're, it's worth doing and you get the chance. On the before 7am, I forgot to tell you this. What time did your kids get up?

Not bad actually, 6.30. Do you want to know what happened with me? Go on. My son, who is now scared of Father Christmas, woke up at 2.30 having a nightmare. And every night since, both nights since, he's double checked Father Christmas isn't going to come because he's terrified of this stranger walking into his room. So he gets into our bed at half two. Every night?

No, not every night. Christmas Eve night. Yeah, no, he's fine normally. And then at 4 10, I'm woken by the sound of my daughter moving around in her bedroom. Okay, that is early. I don't go up there. I just think I'll just turn over and go to sleep. Are you worried that she might open the stocking if she has stocking? No, I think she's pretty good on that and then she comes down quarter past five. I have no idea what happened in that hour will forever be a mystery. But she was awake the whole time? She was awake the whole time. She managed to make it to 10 pm

from 10 past four. On Christmas Day? Yeah on Christmas Day. Any meltdowns? Christmas day on Christmas day any meltdowns not really no just when she just just before bed All right, just fucking out. It was 5 15. We said I said just watch my phone until 6 a.m. And then we'll do the presence She made me say she said how long is that I said it's 45 minutes She made me set the countdown on the phone to 45 minutes. So an alarm would go off exactly. At six when you're allowed to do it? At six when she was allowed to do it. So that's a tough start.

And your son was asleep that time. Yeah. Yeah. No, well, I was six feet, it wasn't too bad. The only problem I found because we did give him iPads was, Father Christmas got my iPads. I basically worked in a genius bar for the last two days. Solving problems on iPads. They asked me so many times, I was trying to cook dinner. At one point, I was shaking the potatoes

with steam coming off the potatoes that fogged up my glasses so I couldn't see and I was burning my hands. All I could see was the shape of two iPads coming in. They were dad, my keyboard's gone weird. Dad, keep logging me into Disney. And in the end, I said, go on your notes. I showed the notes. I went, go on your notes and write a list of all the things you want on or things you can't access to all you want that there was on your old ones you can't get. And then I'll go through that list. I've got two separate 25 dot to do list. And then one of them was like, Oh,

I'll put these little circles here and then you can tick them off as you do them. So I've got admin. And is Lou not an iPad person? She is but I've I'm taking the lead on this on iPads. But yeah, so that was that was quite hard work. I did it was nice. So we had a lovely Christmas. So very chill, very relaxed. Yeah. So just stayed in tired though. So tired. Like so it's just I think sometimes it's so like a relief. It's fun with kids and absolutely love it. It is exhausting. And yeah, I've realized as well. I'm not great with loads of people quite like we had a bit more of a chilled one. I quite like it with less people. I find too many people overwhelming.

Stresses me out. Yeah. I yesterday, she was a bit more chilled. We went to, um, Rosie's sisters for Christmas dinner, which was lovely. Yeah. And then, veggie lasagna. Yeah. Just a bit. Did anyone else eat some? No, just you.

Just me. So we've got, we're gonna have lasagna tonight. Do you not like roast dinners? Cause I know I'll give you a benefit for this, but I can't remember the reason why you do it. Nut roast is shit. Right, so actual nut roast is crap. So, but the rest of the roast, you eat potatoes. I don't have the rest of the roast.

Cauliflower cheese. Yeah, okay. But with lasagna on top, with gravy. No, no gravy. No gravy. So you have the whole roast dinner, no gravy, but with lasagna on the corner of it. Yeah. Well, lasagna is the main player. All right. Okay. So that's the main portion. Just a couple of potatoes around the edge. Lasagna, potatoes, bread sauce. What are the other things? Sprouts, parsnips. Absolute carb beast. I am quite tired afterwards. Pasta, potatoes and then bread sauce.

It does tire me out. Is it a thing that people go, has your daughters commented on it? No, because obviously it's not weird to them. No, until they go to school and tell people. Well, yeah, but I don't know if they will. I mean, your latanian looks great. I'd eat it like, I'd eat it mid January on a Sunday, gobble that right up bit of garlic bread. Oh, talking about gobble, Rob.

Yeah? Went to the theatre, which isn't very me, I will admit. The theatre's you? Yeah, not as much as you'd think probably. Okay. I, you know that thing at the theatre where they ask you for your interval drinks and then they're just all kind of put out? On the side. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Anyone could put anything in those drinks. Yeah, yeah exactly or anyone could just take...

First time I caught was a free bar. Have you ever told you this? No. I mean Lou went to see Warhols and I've never really been to like the theatre apart from that comedy or panto. Oh he's drink shy, I picked one up and started drinking it. Why not? It's gonna stop you. Exactly. You just confidently pick one up and walk off. Well that's the thing, at any of the events I normally go to, if you did that at a football match, half time, what do you want? And there's 6,000 pints on the side. And there's six thousand pints on the side. Anyway, I my piece of paper with my free drink on it, with my not my free drink, with my drink on it. They'd written gobble gobble on it. A whole podcast fan wrote gobble gobble.

I've had a couple of gobble gobbles. Just they're quite like them. Just they shout them and move on. Yeah, it's quite useful actually. I'm quite into it. I denied they're picking up my Christmas food, shout and move on. Yeah, it's quite useful. Actually, I'm quite into it. Oh, I denied that. Keep picking up my Christmas food. Josh, go on. Don't want to name the supermarket. Right. And I know everyone was just excited and it was Christmas spirit. And I don't think I come out of this covered in glory, but I was in quite a stressed point. It was, I had to get the Christmas food

and it was 8am, but I got there on Christmas Eve. Yeah. No, no, day before. And I got there at like half seven. So I thought four the shop we open at six and then we open early. And then eight will be final like the nutcases that queue up will have gone. And then I can slide in get it eight slide out anyway, like I get a parking space. I mean lose it or Honda so it's easy to park. Anyway, I get out and I get out the shop doesn't open to eight and there's people queuing and queuing but like where are my car is it's sort sort of like it's quite a wide opening and then there's these queues of like two lots of trolleys so there's like trolleys coming from either side and then like a gap in the middle and then I'm like I'm not gonna walk a hundred meters down there to get to the back of a queue when there is literally a gap I can get through. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So call that jumping the queue if you wish. Oh no here we go. No I just walked walked straight through. So I thought, Joe, what? I'm not fucking, I'm not going 10 minutes that way. Also, I arrived there half an hour ago, sat in my car.

So I was sort of queuing from there, virtual queue. Right. Did anyone call you on it? No. It was Bedlam in there. And it's just like so many old people with giant empty trolleys pushing it through. So it's fine. So I got bits of bobs, went back, put it in the car, then I went back to get the actual collection stuff.

So I go there. And they were lovely, but I was, you know, when you're like, stressed and I've got a thousand things to do and like that, and then like, I go, hello, I'm here to collect my stuff. So Rob Beckett hit, and then I've got a little bit of paper. And then one just comes out and just points right at my face and goes, RUMMISH! One of the staff. So Rob Beckett and then I've got a little bit of paper. And then one just comes out and just points right in my face. He goes, Romesh. One of the staff. I was like, okay. One of the staff?

Staff, right? That is unbelievable. Romesh. Right. And I don't want anyone to get in trouble. It's fine. I was, but it was like, and I was like, right. And I was like, oh yeah, you're right. Yeah.

So what are you going to do with that? Well, exactly. And then she went and I'm stood there, and everyone's waiting because there's a film. She goes, Ramesh. And I was like, I don't know what you want me to, that's not a question. Or a start of a conversation.

I was like, and then she was like, can I have a photo? Can you have a photo of the store manager? I was like, OK. At no point. I was like, all right. And then as I'm doing that, I sort of turn around. And then they start just like loading all my stuff on my trolley and I turn around and then like,

I'm having a photo with the store manager, like in the shop, right? Like you've opened the store. Yeah, I've opened the store and then she goes, oh, how's it going? Am I looking after you? I was like, well, I've been pointed in the face, screamed Ramesh at, I'm having a photo of you

and I've not seen any fucking food yet. I was going swimmingly and it was all quite intense because it was like no normal conversation apart from pointing photos fingers Romesh. I was like, Oh, okay, so far, just get out just get out the shop. So bags to pack all my stuff in. Just get out of the shop, put it in the train and load it up by the car. So I just want to get out now because it was quite an intense situation. So I'm by the car and

I'm like, I've got it in the trolley. So I'm trying to get in bags to put it in the boot like that. And then this lady comes along like she's shopping. She's like, I'll allow you. What are you doing packing your bags here? You should have packed your bags in the shop. And I'm just like, well, everyone just fuck off. I tried, but I couldn't because there wasn't time. And after I'm out, they were pointing at me, they were shouting rubbish, and I'm out. I just want to pat my back. What time is it by this point? Like just quarter past eight? Quarter past 8am. And like anyway, but it was just like, you know, just in there going,

please just give me my shopping so I can go home. So I wasn't that bothered. But I was like, if they'd gone, oh, I know, yeah, here's your stuff. And they've done the job of giving me my food first, because I pay quite a lot of money for this food hello, yeah, here's your stuff. And they'd done the job of giving me my food first, because I paid quite a lot of money for this food. I mean, it's got to be cheap. If you're in that situation, if you do the, I've gone in for an interaction, which is, oh, hello, I've bought this food.

There you go. And then afterwards, once I've got all the food, they say, can I have a bit? I'm so much more happy to do it, but then like, you're always a bit self-conscious in there anyway, and then they're pointing and shouting and you're doing photos before you've done. You're like, I just need to get my, I just want to check my order and get my Christmas food. This is what I wonder about this. So has a store manager asked an underling to go up

to you and ask for the store manager's photo, to have a photo? Well, no, I don't know what it was going on. What's going on? The store manager's gone, could you go over there? I'm a bit nervous. well, I don't know what it was going on. But what's going on? Let's storm and just go over there. I'm a bit nervous. No, I don't know. Could you ask Ramesh for a photo, please? Well, I don't know, because they were waiting for you. So I don't know if they saw my name on the list.

And they were like, yeah, because you normally go to the other one, don't you? But you've come here this year. And I'm thinking, yep, for the first and the last time. I was already thinking about going to the other place when I saw the queue this morning, because the other place opens earlier. But now I've made my decision. Okay. But yeah, they were just excited and it was Christmas Eve.

So you know, yeah, play but I was just a bit, you know, and then I felt bad because I was a bit like trying to be jokey but a bit edgy but I'm like, I'm stressed. I do find I do love Christmas. I do find it stressful. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, so it's all quite tense. My highlight was watching Gavin and Stacey boxing day morning in bed with Lou

with a coffee and a biscuit. That was, no, no, no. Keep talking, keep talking. That was, that was great. The presence of the girls are great, but you know that just bit of quiet, there's no one in your house. I haven't come close to that kind of situation.

What enjoyment? No, um, relax calm. Yeah, I had a bad hour in the morning. But then also, because the girls from FaceTime to their friends on their iPad, they come in and went, can you sort my keyboard out and just turn the iPad at me? Now I'm looking at an eight year old child that's on their FaceTime. I'm on the screen in my, I'm just like topless in bed with a biscuit and a coffee. And I'm now talking to an eight year old child on

FaceTime. I love that you started the day with a biscuit as well. Good on you. Well, that's Christmas. It's Christmas. Also, I have been, Joe, because I've been eating quite well leading up to Christmas. I've been quite good the second part of this year. This, my stomach, on Christmas day, I was so disgustingly full and I'd had cream and sugar it felt like someone had poured hot wax down my throat I'm a

bellied the feeling of being too full sounds like I've like the garden it's it's a horrible feeling when you wake up full I'm like what have I done yesterday I'm still full. Did you watch four football matches yesterday? Yeah, absolutely. When I saw there was four football matches on, I thought, Rob, it's going to be happy as a pig and shit. That was on all day. What annoyed me was the telly goes, telly's about to power down now because of inactivity. I'm like, mate, they should program tellys on boxing day. Don't power down. This is going to be on for 20 hours. I'm going to get up midday and put on his prime

wouldn't this year. I'm putting prime on my telly from midday. And then it's going off at 10pm tonight. Yeah. Let's fuck it out. We've not spoken about you on strictly. Oh, yeah, here we go. We need to talk about this. Right. So I'll be I'll be brutally honest with you. I laid down with the family to watch it, fell asleep. But not when you come on. Yeah, fair enough, I was on fifth. So I woke up and then I re-watched you, right?

A bit later on, so that's why I delayed detection. Can I genuinely say you were really good to the point where actually, and this is the, don't take this the wrong way. You fancy me. I didn't fancy you, but it was actually a slight non-event for me because you were so good it felt like just watching Sunday Week 5. Thank you very much.

Do you know when someone gets to that point of strictly when they know what they're doing, they may not be the one that's going to win it, but certainly not bad or a joke. You were just a solid performer. I'd say 10 from Antoine's more than solid, my friend. Well, it's Christmas score. It's Christmas scoring. It's Christmas scoring. No, no, genuinely, you're really good, Josh.

And I think actually that affected you as the comedy world. Was it a part of you that thought he's going to win this? No. OK. Just checking. Just checking. I could be honest with you. I don't think anyone's going to win because I don't really understand what's happening. I don't like dancing. I don't know how they judge it. So

I literally have no every time anyone dances. I say to Lou was that what is that? Right, Lou gave me the best compliment that I was looking for. What was that? Which was, she said, don't mean this to be offensive, but me and my mum said he's so much better than we thought he would be. Yeah, agree. Yeah. It was great. And I think you should do the series. No, well, it depends on the hour you ask me. I can't do it next year because I've got the I've got a tour. Yeah, but do it the year after. It's a good little

break from life. No, from the Christmas one. We'll see. We'll see. Sometimes when you're good. Yeah, I know. But sometimes- The only thing is, I do think, I'm sorry to get off, but like, I think you may struggle with the sexy Argentine tango week. I just don't know how you do sexy. But just- So what? So what? Well, no, that sexy sultry one where you have to be all intense. I could do sexy. You can't. I don't think you can do intense. Rob,

Rob, Rob. I can do sexy, my friend. Okay. Josh just took his glasses off and smiled. But I don't think you were trying to smile. No. But I'd love to see it. The way I see it, Rob, is I do four weeks of the comedy ones and they go, he's only got this in his locker. Yeah. And then I bring out the sexy dance and they're like, Oh my God. Well, that's the thing. That's where you could really excel. But I think you should do it. Well, we'll see. We'll see. It's not in my plans at the moment. I thought you'd be the worst, but be funny. I'd say you were solid boarded on the top. I'd say you were in a top four. Top four?

I know there was not in the number of people, but like that in the Premier League, in a football league. Do you think? I think I thought I was, not in the number of people, but like that in the Premier League, in a football league. Do you think, I think, I thought I was going to be the worst. I thought I was going to be a kind of, well, they were loving the comparison to Anne Whitcomb and fair enough. Yeah, but you were. But you know what? I thought I wasn't that.

They'd already written your narrative and you stuck two little flippers up at them. That's what the beauty was. They'd already been already decided on what you were and you know what you walked in and you said no, I am me. This is me. So stick that up your 10s and sevens of that. But that's great. Well done. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Did your daughter like it? Oh, did my daughter like it? Yeah, she just colored throughout just completely ignored it and coloring in even the bit where I

did a speech about how I was Doing it for her. She just looked up and then looked back down And you know what good honor? Cuz I'm very much. Yeah, I'm of the opinion that we shouldn't be impressed by our parents. No No, if they're on a skateboard eating a fish I think I bring the surprise element. I think that's that's what I had in my locker is everyone thought I was going to be shit. But you could do it. I got away with it. Oh, that's oh, I've got to do this. This is right. We went to Copenhagen for a couple of nights before Christmas. Right. Did a bit of Tivoli, did a bit of Christmas markets, went to a really cool place.

What's Tivoli? Tivoli is like the big theme park, the theme, very small theme park, but in the middle, very Christmassy lights, brides, hot chocolate, glog, all that. What's glog? Glog's like the Danish mulled wine and stuff like that. Really nice. So it's very Christmassy. We like going, a little bit of a tradition, getting away just before Christmas. Went to Icono, which is a really cool exhibition place. There's got to be like Berlin and other cities, but it was amazing when you go in there's like a ball pit for kids, but like a really massive deep one, like a swimming pool.

There's also like, like our installation rooms, where there's all that inflatable silver balls that you can bash about and go crazy. I-K-O-N-O, but I recommend it it. So we did that went for some pizza, went to a nice bakery and all that anyway, went to his pizza place. And it's like 15 minutes from the hotel in a cab had some pizza left jumped in a cab went back to the hotel grabbed all our coats. So many coats so many layers because it's freezing cold. Get in the cab drive back 15 minutes and we sit in the in the hotel's got this big

out play area with like an indoor bouncy castle, there's bricks, there's cars, it's massive, almost like a sports hall bit. In one of the conference rooms of the hotel, because there aren't any conferences because it's Christmas time, they've just turned into a giant kids play area, so all the kids can play in there. And we sat in the corner having a couple of drinks sat there for like an hour and a half, two hours, watching a bit of boxing because I'm there was a boxing that night. It's got to about nine 10 o'clock. And we was like, right, let's take the kids up to bed. We pick up all the coats. We're missing a child's coat.

We've got an extra adult's coat. All right, a blue Unico coat. And I'm like, Oh, no, we've picked up the wrong coat from the pizza place two hours ago. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, rips on it. And I was like, do you know what, like, I can't be asked to take a coat back. That's this year. They've got a coat. We just done a coastal the one I've left better coat. Anyway, but I know I felt guilty and I went I'd better check their pockets, keys and wallet in there. Oh, no. That's me back in the cabinet. Oh, God.

So it's a Danish person. Yeah, Danish anyway. Yeah. so now I'm in a cab and I've got to speak to this Danish guy, he's like, you need to take me to this 15 minutes pizza place, wait for me, I've got to swap a coat, come back. And I thought this must happen all the time in Denmark, so many coats. So are you imagining, sorry, that the person has been waiting in the pizza restaurant for two hours with a child's coat in case you come back? No, but if someone had taken my, if my coat had gone missing, I'd leave my name. I'd probably come back and check the next day.

And I wouldn't just go, Oh, I won't mention it. I'll just wear this child's coat home. I can leave it. In this restaurant. So then luckily I went back and the people were still there eating, drinking. So I just walked in, put it on the hook and took my daughter's one. They never tell you. I felt like a little spy. I felt like I'd done some sort of theft. That is incredible. And then jumped back in the cab again. So 40 quid.

My last little 40 quid round trip. But you took that out of the wallet to cover yourself. Yeah, absolutely. I think I'm doing it now. I didn't do that. But yeah, that was a nightmare. You know, but my heart sunk when I saw the coat and then I had like a moral dilemma. How similar were the coats? Completely different. Yeah, so that was a bit of a disaster. It was a good little trip. And then what else has got on? Oh, the best I got I got bought these biscuits for Christmas. Yeah Fortnum and Mason, right? They're fancy. They're called toffalophosus They're like Scott a big the 20 Wow. I didn't realize is 21 pound these biscuits are

You get like 10 of them. I think fucking two quid a biscuit That's not right. 50 per pound. What is this? How you and Lou started your day with a two pound biscuit? No, it weren't a two. No, it's the 21 quid. There's 10 in there. Here's a two pound biscuit. That's not right. 50 pound what? Is this how you and Lou started your day with a two pound biscuit? No, it weren't a two. It's the 21 quid and there's 10 in there. Here's a two pound biscuit. Jesus Christ. Yeah. They are salt, sweet and chewy toffee combines with plump dates in this expertly baked abundant chocolate covered biscuit masterpiece. Colossally good. They are at 600 grams. Absolutely unbelievable. But we just have them as special for Christmas.

Yeah, I bet they do. Two pounds ten a biscuit. Two pounds ten a biscuit. But now it's our special little treat. And also, do you know why my stomach felt so bad? So first year I felt awful at Christmas. I think it's because I had been eating quite well, and then I ate awfully. And actually I think it's a good sign, because I would normally eat awfully all year. I totally agree, Rob. I, this sounds, so I remember like when I was growing up on Boxing Day, my dad would

be like, oh, I need a like normal meal, you know, I need some vegetables or whatever. And I think, oh, fuck off. Come on, come on. You're fooling no one. And now I'm like, I'm craving normal food again. I can't wait for Josh, a bit of cottage cheese on toast, sourdough. Oh Rob, I'm going to have soup and cottage cheese for lunch today. I'm trying to crisp up the cottage cheese, you're making it wetter.

My big problem with cottage cheese is the wet. Rob, try this. Try this. Oh that soup, cottage cheese. Try this. Do you like tomato soup? Yeah. Right. Get yourself a tomato soup. Yeah, nice tomato soup. Right. And then get yourself a cottage cheese. Yeah. Pop it. Where you popping it in the tube. In the right. I'd say half do you drain off the little watery

bit off the top of the cottage cheese? Yeah. Well, the cottage cheese I get is quite a hard cottage cheese. I like a hard cottage cheese. Have you ever ventured into quark? I hate quark. Can I say something? I had quark by accident because it looked like cottage cheese and I don't mind it, but I prefer cottage cheese. Yeah.

Quark, what the fuck's quark? We don't need quark. We just don't need quark. What's the other one we don't need? The weird bit of tofu. What the fuck's quark? We don't need quark. We just don't need quark. What's the other one we don't need? The weird bit of tofu. What's that one called? Um, seitan. Oh yeah, no, I don't got a venture.

Anyway, so what are you doing with your soup? Get hot, piping hot soup. Piping hot soup. Get your cottage cheese. Freezing cold cheese. Freezing cold cheese. Yeah. Pop it in the soup. the whole tub or just a

spoonful. A lot of it. Okay, right in the middle. Yeah, like a ball of cottage cheese in the middle of your soup. And then chip away at the edge of your cottage cheese. You've got the cold right hot. Is it like French onion soup? For health nuts? Yeah, it's like French onion soup for Joel Dommet. For health nuts. Yeah, it's like French onion soup for Joel Domet. Okay. We'll see, maybe Joel Domet's not that funny.

French onion soup for Joel Domet. Merry Christmas. I'm going to get back on my sourdough and cottage cheese now. But yeah, I was getting in my head a bit as well about putting on weight because I've been doing so well, but I'm just accepting I'm going to enjoy myself and then I've got time to get back into the rhythm. Exactly. Here we go.

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Although they do have a dedicated Woodland Management Plan. Do you know what my Woodland Management Plan is? Don't chop them down. Don't chop them down. I find that as the best way to keep it sustainable. Josh, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year. Merry Christmas to everyone.

I'll speak to you soon. Thanks guys. Sorry for, I was coughing a lot and tired. And guys, don't get in your head about putting on a bit of weight. Don't get in your head about not exercising. Don't worry about getting too much. Try and get into your routines and things you do. Now that the main part of criticism is over, put yourself first and then you'll be a better parent, husband, wife, friend, child. Josh.

Is this the Jay Comfrey's podcast? Absolutely. I'm just saying it for me to be honest. Right. Bye. Bye. Is this the Jay Comfrey's podcast? Absolutely, I'm just saying it for me to be honest. Right, bye! Bye! Bye!