Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP4: Dynamic Summer Holidays Pricing

Episode Date: September 6, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... James, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdecombe? Josh Widdecombe. Good boy. Oh, that was very cute. I like that one. Who was that, Josh?

Hello, this is from Sophie. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Loving the podcast. This is my nearly three year old son, James. Thank you for getting me through the night feeds when he was a baby. Stay sexy and relatable. Sophie from Milton Keynes kiss. Very, very efficient. I like that. Yeah, it was quite an efficient email. She's done a new paragraph for every

sentence. I never, you know, when to do a paragraph. I just sort of think it's getting quite bulky. Just feel it out. Don't you? It's getting quite bulky. I never, you know, when to do a paragraph. I just sort of think it's getting quite bulky. Just feel it out. Don't you? It's getting quite bulky. I might start a new one. Yeah.

Makes it look longer. Feels like there's a lot going on in this bit. I'll just do another bit. Mid sentence. I know you did it needs to be a full stop, but apart from that, Josh, I don't know how much Michael has put in the show so far. The pre-title. Have you done a pre-title, Michael? That's how it could be like a

like little thing. And then there's We wouldn't know that yet, because Michael's not listened back to the audio, but you've been very stressed. Basically, you're in Paris, doing the Paralympics every night you work in doing a live show and you've lost your headphones. So me and Michael watched you march around your bedroom show. And I hate myself. I hate myself until you went to get headphones from someone and you've got your head in your hands But I previously I've got a laptop that I brought to Paris that doesn't work. Why doesn't your laptop work? I think it's just got one of those batteries that's fucked. Yeah, you know and well fingers crossed Hopefully we get a little bit more successful and then we'll be able to afford a laptop

I mean, so what you've been on telly 20 years? I'm never broadcasting from outside my house ever again. Well, good luck. You're in Paris tonight broadcasting. You got a show tonight? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to the Moulin Rouge straight after this Robbed. Watch Adam Adam Hills practice the can can. He already knows it. What is our VT for this? He had a mohawk shaved into his head the other night, didn't he? Oh, yeah, not having a midlife as always. And so you've got to go to the Moon on Rouge to watch the can can.

And that's some filming. So everything's been moved earlier. So that's why I tried to move this earlier. and then obviously we've managed to start two minutes earlier than Originally planned because I'm a fucking idiot and I just can't do tech you text me at 1 a.m To see if I could start earlier at 8 45 a.m. It's quite I didn't see the message of six Well, if that helps it was 2 a.m. In French it was 2 a.m. in French time. It was still up. What are you doing up at 2 a.m.?

Well, we only get back to the hotel at half 12. Of course, yeah. Yeah. By the time you've got into the room, thrown your headphones out of the window, had a shit and gone to bed, it's done a quick bit of work admin. You're asleep. I just saw the headphones I'd borrowed and thought borrowed and thought I found my headphones. No, but they're new headphones. I thought they've been there all along. Are the ones you've got in got charge?

Are they going to be all right? I hope so. We might have to slip to one. When I lose something, I go mad these days. You really don't like it. You were really and I'd say end of your tether you started the zoom call on would it suggest that maybe the headphones aren't the problem and it's a little bit annoying but you're quite stressed from the summer holidays no no no yeah but no it's not actually that it's I lose stuff so often and I can't do anything about it as hard as I try. Yeah. And if my mind isn't interested in something, it's just not interested in it and I can't

focus on it. And that includes where I leave stuff. Yeah, but I don't think anyone's mind's interested in where their headphones are. That's not an interesting thing. No, it's not. But some people are good at putting stuff. I just blank these things. Do you need a little bag? You need a little handbag.

I don't need a little handbag. I'd lose it. Like a little man bag, little cross body. I've got one from Uniqlo and apparently it's the hot mum bag of the summer. Loads of people have got it. I don't want the hot mum bag of the summer. I've not lost my headphones. And I've also got a little string thing.

Like, you know, that thing you'd put on a digital camera in the noughties that goes around your wrist. Yeah. I don't want the hot mom bag of the summer. I've done not lose my headphones. And I've also got a little string thing. Like, you know that thing you'd put on a digital camera in the noughties that goes around your wrist? Yeah. I've got one of them and I tie that sometimes, the actual case thing to my phone or in the bag. And then that keeps- I just don't know where they are.

Okay. Well, you've got some headphones now. How are you? How's parenting? Have you seen your kids? So you went back, you've been away, haven't you? Yeah. But then the kids were with you in Paris, weren't they? The kids were with me at the start of Paris, Rob.

We'll come to that. How long are you in Paris for? Two weeks. We had a rest day in the middle due to French labor laws. And you went back to London? I went back to London, 100%. That's not really restful though, traveling to London and back for a few hours, is it?

Rob, the other options weren't restful. What are the other options? So basically we had a few hours, is it? Rob, the other options weren't restful. What, the other options? So basically we had a day off, right? Yeah. And everyone was going on the lash. That's got obviously of no use to me. Yes. I find it full respect, right?

I like the people I work with. Oh yeah, of course, ultimate respect. You've been working with them for 12 years. But in the same way I like you, Rob, yeah, I find it utterly baffling that these people want to meet up outside working hours. I think it's baffling if they want to meet up outside of working hours on the one day off within an intense schedule. That for me would be a time to go and wander around Paris on my own and

chill out maybe if I could find them, put my headphones in, listen to a podcast. But I think people like hanging out with their friends from work when it's not so intense. But I would agree on this occasion. I know, no. That if you've got one day off in a two week run. Yeah. Each to their own, Rob. From my world, in my head, I don't want to ever, when I go down for breakfast and I like these people. Yeah, how you do? Yeah, keep telling us. You don't want to ever, when I go down for breakfast, and I like these people. Yeah, how you do? Yeah, keep telling us.

You don't want to see them or socialize with them, but you like them. Yeah, correct. You don't want to be near them. Yeah, absolutely. You only be near them if you're being paid to be. Tom Crane, who's one of my best friends who works on the show. Yeah. Yeah.

The thought of seeing him before 1.30. I had to fit your producer felt you knocked on his door in your pajamas, trying to get his headphones out of his ears. I know if he's a sane man like me, then he didn't want to see me. No, I get, I get that. Yeah, I had a work colleague. I used to get on with them. I bumped into her on the commute, but very early in the commute,

like still 50 minutes to work on the tube and she had her headphones and she said to me, sorry, I don't talk before work. I just put her headphones back in and I respected that. I spudded her and then we just carried on with our own headphones. Yes. Just big up calf. So that's how I feel. So I went back to London because it's two hours. Yeah, true. And you're on the Eur Euro style, which is as relaxing as hell. And it's so easy to get relaxing as hell. What? That's not saying is it as relaxing as hell?

Now I was gonna say fuck, but I pulled myself in that the Euro style is relaxing as fuck. Right. Okay. Yeah. It's fuck. It was fuck. Sorry, I didn't know I was doing a podcast on a skater, dude. Man, that is relaxing as fuck. Yeah. Fuck man. Yeah, you've been on that train. Yeah, London, Paris, two hours relaxing as fuck, man. Fuck, fucking spa weekend. It was a fucking train.

Fuck. Posh old skater, boy. Yeah, well, he's expensive in it these days. They always keep breaking them. Yeah, well he come to that. This, all right. Because that was difficult for us. Yeah. They did not want to go.

No, but it's because, I'll tell you why it is, Rob. What's that? Because six weeks off is fucking insane. It's fun, isn't it? Yeah. For them. For them, yeah. I'd say I had fun, but it was challenging fun. I'd say I made a lot of great memories? Yeah. I'd say I had fun but it was challenging fun. I'd say I made a lot of great

memories. Yeah. But probably took a year off my life in doing so. What memories to have when you slip away at 51? Sorry, go on. Yeah, so you went back. I didn't get the train too early because I was like, you know, it's my day off. I'm not going to suddenly force myself to get on the 8am train or something. Yeah, and you finished work late. So what train was you on? Like midday. Midday, okay. Yeah. So got back at like half two or something, get home at three. My daughter needs her new

school shoes don't quite fit. So we need to go to Clark's. I feel like there needs to be another shop you can get right. Everyone just goes Clark's. I mean, like, we go Mark Suspensers for their shoes as well. I think the Clark's they measure them in Clark's. Have they got the trademark or measuring the because surely other shops can measure the thing. It's like, got go Clark's to get measured. But surely these other shops go, we could measure them, can we? No no no, no, they've got a trademark

Oh, so let's be honest. I'm sure you could just print something out with your computer if I could get my printer working Yeah, put your kids foot on that. No, no, no, you couldn't let's face fact If your job today was to print out something, but you don't even know what it is Yeah You have to research that to measure your child's foot and then get your child to stand on this bit of paper To measure it from your printer that doesn't work and then you think you're gonna go to a shop and find shoes that fit without method How you gonna do the top bit because they measure the site the width

They never measure the top bit do they? They do that's a little bit of like tape measure thing that comes around. Yeah, I don't think that's doing anything No, you're feeling the line. It's all about the line. It's all about the tow line, isn't it? Okay, right, so yeah, sorry. So you've gone to Clark's? Yeah, the only Clark's that had the shoes that she needed in the right size was in Walthamstow.

Yeah. And then she didn't actually want to come. So I got home and then I drove to Walthamstow to Clark's to buy some shoes. Alone? Rose came and Rose's mum looked after the kids. Right, okay. At least you got to see...

Rob, our date, our bit of alone time was to drive to a shopping mall in Walthamstow to go to Clarks, pick up some shoes and get straight back in the car and drive back. Also, what I'd say is, Josh, that if I worked in Clarks and you came in without a child looking for a pair of size ones, I'd think, yeah, are they for him? This is all a cover story. I thought I needed to tell this anecdote on the podcast to cover the fact that I've been going to Walthamstow to buy children's shoes. For your own feet? For my own feet. So you

and Rose just went that's nice. Did you get any food or drink or anything? No, no, no. I came straight back Rob. Yeah, I didn't even make it into Clark's. I was parking the car moment I got into Clark's roses already bought them and then we got back in the car. Right. Okay. And then so sort of just there and back still it was a long way to Walthamstow and difficult to find parking. So it's a good hour and a half. Nice. Okay, lovely. And then I

fell asleep on the sofa for 20 minutes and then it was bedtime for the kids. Bath time bedtime that stretched out because my daughter was nervous understandably. So what I find is my kids will say, I've got a belly ache or I've got an itch or my leg hurts. I sort of go, but do you or are you trying to delay bedtime because you're worried about school or something and then if I sit with them and they tell my leg hurts, I'm like, well, just rest it, it'll feel better in the morning or where does it hurt or show me? You know, I found that if I just don't

answer them, but I just sit there with them and sort of smiling, eventually my kid will go, oh, my leg hurts, I have a belly ache. Then they'll just go, I don't like maths, I'm scared. like maths, I'm scared. If you go quiet, they just eventually play out. So that's what we were getting where my daughter had a bad leg. And then as soon as I sat next to a bed last night, she's like, I don't know, I don't know about times tables. Oh, that's so that's what you're worried about. I think she's better articulating this than some other things that obviously as a kid, it's really difficult to understand why you're feeling feelings, right? Yeah, of course. Well, adults, I struggle.

It's not that easy as an adult, let's be honest. What is this headphone thing really about? I know, there is something. It isn't just about the missing headphones, because really, if you were a little bit calmer in that moment, you could have just got headphones off headphones. Cause really, if you were a little bit calmer in that moment, you could have just got headphones off the producer, Alex, Adam. There's someone in that building that you know, headphones, but you were stressed. Yeah.

And what's that really about? What do you think? It's about the fact that I can't control this bit of my mind and it feels like I'm going mad and I've probably got ADHD. I mean, you know, a lot of people have told me that. Oh, self diagnosis. Yeah. One loss of headphones. Yeah. Yeah. No, no. I've had enough comments on my Instagram when I've put

them about this podcast that people certainly think that. So what you've been diagnosed as on the podcast ADHD. Yeah, it's always coming up on my Instagram, Rob. What people just say to you, you've got ADHD. Yeah, Josh, you got ADHD. 80 you've got ADHD. Yeah, Josh, you got ADHD. Fine. So low on my list of concerns at this moment. Look, I've got I'm doing 10 things at once. I don't need to sort that out. Just let me spin all these fucking plates. It stresses me

out and then makes me get anxious. Okay, I'm not time to sort that out. Why treat the cause when you can treat the other beings? But yeah, like every fucking comics got ADHD, as we know Rob, etc, etc. Yeah, but I think that's probably why they ended up being a comedian, because of those things. Totally, totally, totally. I did a show the other day with a load of comedians. I can talk about it later on, but it's not been announced yet. We're basically loads of comedians in a room together and we're all in trouble. Yeah, right. It's not okay what we're up to and I used to think like when I met all these comedians. Oh, look Look at us. We know best what a life we have with free. Oh, we can just express us up

But now I'm like I feel sorry for us. Yeah, this is a terrible way to because there's people out there Josh, just crack on and have a lovely life. Yeah, just know they've got their headphones on them. They're just doing normal. They do a job on job at a time Josh. They're not trying to print out their own shoe measuring bit of paper. Find their headphones, try to wolf them stow. Present a show about the Paralympics, do a podcast and write a tour they haven't announced yet. No, no, will it be announced? We'll see. Or keep doing gigs for a tour that he doesn't need to yet. So he's really prepared. Fucking hell. He's so tiring being thick. Well you talk to a man who microwaved every key he owns Josh. Yeah I know, Rose loved that Oh, she really laughed at that Oh good. I'm glad. She said what an old person would do Now they boil them They would buy quite they don't trust it old people Boil it boil it or air fryer. It's weird. They jumped a little didn't they old people

They not want to get involved in microwaves. Oh, have you gone in on the air fryer Rob? Oh mate. Are you one of them? I was a bit of an eye roller with the air fryer. Like, oh yeah, whatever. Yeah. So it's changed my life. Oh no. Fucking hell. Another one gone.

So good. So quick. It's so easy. I don't know what it is, but turning the oven on feels like such a stress now. Like, well, I've got to do that and then turn that and it's, oh, and then I've got to open it. Oh, leave it out. Just tray. Bosch Max Crisp 20 minutes. See you later, Bosch.

Maybe I'll get one. So easy. It's so crispy as well, Josh. It takes ages to crisp stuff up. The thing I feel with the air fryer is why do I do this thing where every new thing that everyone's going to get, I have to spend the first 18 months resisting. Yes. You know what I mean? I'm a bit like that with TV shows, to be honest. But yeah, yeah, fryer. Well, I got one once we didn't really use it. I lent it to mom and

dad and then didn't see it again. So then Lou bought another one because I've been trying to eat healthier. It's quite a good way to do it. So I've just been getting chicken breast of a little bit seasoning in loads of veg and just crisping out mate. Mega zone max crisp 240 10 minutes. So what's mega zone well i've got a double draw one right so you can have a divider in it and then what that means is that you can pick two separate temperatures so if you're doing a meal where potatoes need to be really hot for a long time yeah you can put down for 30 minutes but then if you're just doing a couple of fish fingers with it you could do that for 10 minutes not as hot in the separate zones however if you're just doing a couple of fish fingers with it, you could do that for 10 minutes Not as hot in the separate zones. However, if you're doing a bigger meal for a few people bang it all in remove the divider

Megazone fucking hell and that's called the mega zone rather than zone one zone to mega zone max crisp And I just do chicken breast in there. It's lovely You could you don't eat chicken idea. No Don't even read tofu. I can tofu be good up Joe. I saw her there? No, don't even really. I tell you what though, tofu. I reckon tofu would be good up there. Do you know what I saw in there the other day? Don't patronize me, Rob. Rob, I like you trying to include me, but let's not pretend tofu would be good in the air fryer.

Yeah, but the worst thing about tofu is it's too wobbly, isn't it? That's the thing I don't like, the way it moves. It looks like a baddie out of Ghostbusters. Oh, it's the way it tastes as well. Yeah, I know, but I think if you could crisp it up, bit of seasoning, crisp it up. If you cut that in little, like, strips

and stuck it in the air fryer, I reckon it'll crisp up nice, Josh. Here he fucking is, Tom Carriage, kicking around with his, now you've got your air fryer, which it never is. Oh yeah, while we're on the subject, at the risk of sounding like I'm trying something new on you,

why don't anyone cook avocados? Oh, here we go. Always raw, always raw. Have you ever done it? No. I put a Scott chick in the oven months. Well, I'm sure you'll find your answer. Do you know what, Rob?

Next episode, come back to us. Tell us what the cooked avocado is like. I'm gonna put a whole avocado in the oven and see what happens. And imagine how hot that people get. Ha ha ha. So you're just gonna boil it with the skin on? I'm not going to cook an avocado.

I'll Google it. Someone will have done it. Can you cook an avocado? So I went to Clark's. Then it was bedtime. So bath time to bedtime just went on and on. Got downstairs about quarter to nine, nine-ish.. Had a takeaway. Went to bed. What did you have? Indian.

Yeah. Went to bed about half nine, quarter to ten because I was tired. Yeah. And then came back. What time did you come back? I had to leave at quarter eight the next morning. And then did you ever show that night in Paris? Yeah. It's quite a weird return to the UK in many ways.

I'd call that a horrible day off. No, because it was really, really nice, Rob, to go home. For an hour and then drive to Walthamstow. For an hour? Do you know what? I don't like being away. I'm really bad at it. No, I think that's what's stressing you out a bit here.

But you're going to go on tour. Yeah, but the thing about the UK is, people, here, but you're going to go on tour. Yeah, but the thing about the UK is people when you say you're going to go on tour, yeah, people act like you're getting in the back of a tour bus and not being seen for three months. Yeah, most nights you come home when you're touring in the UK. Yeah, true. Yeah. So you're gonna just do that. Like, if you're willing to get home at 2am, you can get home most nights. And so that's what I do basically. Yeah. Will that stress you out though? No, well I sit in the back of a car on my own reading a book and listen to music if

I can buy some new airpods, yeah. Yeah, in the dark at 2am. In the dark at 2am with my thoughts. You don't read in the car do you? Of course I read in the car. That makes you sick. It doesn't make me sick, it's one of my superpowers. That is a, because I'd have you down as you sick. It doesn't make me sick. It's one of my superpowers. That is a, cause I'd have you down as feeling sick.

I would be very on brand, wouldn't it? It'd be very on brand. Do you know what I found out this shop the other day? The Richie Ayoade doesn't have RBS. I didn't actually nail it on for it. I'm looking forward to this show that you're going to do with other comedians. That I'm not allowed to talk about. You're not allowed to talk about. You're not allowed to talk about.

You're back in Paris. How's it going in Paris? How was it with the kids in Paris? It was trying Rob. They had some lovely memories, but I lost a year of my life again. Were you all in that room you're in now? No, we had a bigger family room. Okay. So we got to the bigger family room. They loved the aquarium. Didn't even know they had one. Yeah, the aquarium is fucking great. The Paris. Yeah,

because that's what they all travel there for it. Yeah, yeah. The old Paris Aquarium. The Eiffel Tower. Yeah, that's good. It's horrible at the bottom, though, and it's people just trying to like sell you stuff and rob you. Yeah, there's a lot of crime, a lot of shifty people in Paris last few times. I've got I've gone off it. You know, there is in Paris Rob, and I love the Paris. I've been very impressed by Paris Loads of people double up with you when you go through the gates on the metro, right? Maybe they pickpocketed your headphones. Oh don't know I haven't been I'm an out I they're not gonna pick pocket my headphones at the wheelchair tennis surely to God Quiet getaway just rubber on tarmac.

You won't hear it. Rubber on clay. I did get conned, Rob, by a vending machine. You got conned? Yeah, conned. By a vending machine? Yeah, on the cruise down the Seine. Okay.

So there was a vending machine, but it's all in French, obviously. And it was a tap one where you tap your card and it wasn't working the first two times. And the third time it gave me a bottle of water. So I renewed hope. So I went back for two more times. Yeah. Couldn't get it to work.

And then it was charging me five euros every time, Rob. No. Yes. It's a con to get the water for five euros. Nevermind not to get it. I know, but you're just stuck on a fucking boat. Yeah, I just paid 25 euros on a bottle of water Who'd you contact in that situation? Oh the French won't give a fuck. They would not give a fuck I do that an English tourist. Oh, I've been to machine cost me too much money fuck off

And then my daughter was complaining that you know know, that she hadn't got the chocolate bar and I was like, I've just spent 25 euros here, mate. When I call her mate, she knows she doesn't like that. Do you call her mate? If I'm incredibly stressed, I'll call her mate and she'll go, don't call me that. Right, in what situation? So if I go, but I want the chocolate. Dad, can I have the chocolate? I don't want the water, can I have some chocolate now? But it's from the machine. That's a good example.

Please, I'm not, you said I could have some and I haven't had any. From the machine, they've got the chocolate there. Yes, but I've used it and now I've been told I've been paying for the last, because it hasn't been telling me I've been paying for nothing. So I've just spent 25 euros, mate. But that was water, can you have the, try the chocolate? That was the water, can you try the chocolate one? Don't, Rob, it's bringing it all back, it's starting to make me, my hands go.

Yeah, can you try the, you've not tried chocolate, try chocolate bringing it all back. It's starting to make me and my hands go. Yeah, can you try the chocolate? You've not tried chocolate. Try chocolate please, daddy. Fuck off you little wanker. What? I said fuck off you little wanker. Because I know it's you, Rob. That's why I can do that.

You do say mate when you're a bit stressed, don't you? I do. How many more shows have you got left? Four. OK, nearly there then. It's a lot of late nights. It's a lot of pressure and stress doing live TV and... Oh, it's not...

Do you know what though, Rob? Last time I've seen you, you got beaten up by a gladiator, you was dressed as a shoe, you had a little cricket hat on. Oh, we're doing a rematch today, I've got to get beaten up again. Josh, I watched this. You just let the gladiator hit you and fall over. I reckon give her a proper dig. That's why we're doing the rematch, because people accused me of taking a dive. You did take a dive. I reckon give her a proper dig. That's why we're doing the rematch because people accused me of taking a dive.

You did take a dive. I didn't take a dive. You wanted to get a little moment to end the episode and you thought, oh, that looks like a hard enough hit. I'll go down. That didn't happen. Come on, tell the truth. And it's okay, because there's a rematch. You're giving the people what they want. You were a good broadcaster. You took a hit and you thought, I don't really want

to hurt this lady. So what I'll do is is I wait for her to hit me half hard so it looks hard enough to knock me down well there was absolutely no worries about me hurting fury from gladiators right okay but she's absolutely ripped did you or did you not think that will look place wrong big hard enough to knock me down no I didn't think that. I misbalanced. Yes, you did. You misjudged. So you did.

How are you gonna approach this gladiator jewel then? Go for it? I just, yeah, whatever. I've not given it any thought. I'd hit her as hard as I possibly could on the top of the thigh. On the top of the thigh? And then work your way up to midsection shoulder,

if she's still going for it, swing her at her head. You've got helmets on you've got jewels. It's a Paralympics if hitting a disabled woman with a stick isn't the Paralympics. What is Moulin Rouge can can. Come on. You've got to give it some. That's true quality Josh. I have the jewel. Good luck. Yeah, You'll do great. Oh God. How are you, Rob? How am I? Um, happy for the kids to be back at school. I've loved it though.

And I'll miss them, but it's, I feel like me and Lou have not finished a sentence or a conversation in six weeks. So as we start to talk, even at night when they're in bed, you'll say something like, what are you doing? And then you try and organize something and then you hear mom, dad. And so that, that cutting through is quite difficult, but we've had a really good time, went to center parks as well for a few days in the summer. I don't think I spoke to you about that.

Did I? Yeah. Fun. Do you know what? It is fun. I do like sometimes I do things overpriced in the summer holidays. It's mental for what, like what you're actually getting. I've never been.

So talk me through what you're paying. I, all I know is, is like double what it's not. School holidays. It's, um, dynamic pricing, Rob. Don't talk to me about dynamic pricing. Um, the way he says that, damn it. As performers that sell tickets on ticket master and websites, I've always been asked if I want to do dynamic pricing or not. Have you?

I don't think I've ever been asked. You get asked. It's a new thing and that's because it weren't around when you did your last tour. But I don't have it pricing, you do get asked you pick you either decide to do it or not. That's all I know about that. Yeah. Anyway, set apart. So my problem with set apart is, I think it's way too expensive in some holidays, which is frustrating. Kids love it, though. We had a brilliant time into one Elf done went on the

zip line thing. That was brilliant. The food and drinks are expensive. I just find it unnecessarily expensive. Is it good food and drink? Okay, I'd say. I mean, like some of the food is all right. Huck's is quite nice, which is like an American diner type place. But then some of the other stuff is, the curry house is not great at all. Anyway, but I think it's a bit overpriced and the beds and the pillows are so uncomfortable. It's like, what the fuck? You bring your own pillow. And then the problem was it was so hot as well as it was summer. But I know it's a woodland environment, but there's

squirrels everywhere, Josh. And we couldn't have any windows or doors open because the squirrels come in and now I'm not talking squirrels would come in like half a centimeter across the threshold hoping a nut would be chucked. I'm talking nine AM in the morning a squirrel has climbed through the window in my kid's bedroom he's on the bed. I'm talking like squirrels from a horror film and I know you're in the woods and you know whatever and there was a mouse in the kitchen as well which is not what you want and I know it's a wood squirrels from as from a horror film. What a horror film that is. Oh my God. There's so many of them, Josh.

The squirrel on the bed. Yes, there's a squirrel on the bed. How do you get rid of a squirrel on a bed? You basically have to shut all the other doors to things and just sort of like corral it out of a way. Yeah, weight, basically. But the problem was I weren't sleeping because the pillows are so uncomfortable and we couldn't have a window open to go cool down because of the squirrels. So we were like locked in on so all because the schools they need what I think they need is squirrel mesh.

So you can have your door open and let the air come in, but also a mesh. So the schools can't come in. Yeah, that's what they need. But the actual in center parks, the kids loved the week, you know, it was good. It's graphed though. It ain't relaxed. You come back knackered. Do you mean it's fun? The kids like it. I think that's what the summer holidays is, right? It's fun, but graft no

but when you go if you go somewhere hot and you're around a pool and It's like kids the activity today is go in that pool and we'll see her having a drink That is more relaxing than we are now gonna climb up to the top of a zip line and zip line down and then go archery and quad biking and then It's the last thing you need after gladiators is more zip lines But we had a really good time but I've struck I've gone off to take my own pillow and the squirrels are an issue because it's sunk I just think if you're paying that much money I think they need to up their game a little bit with you know

accommodation Do you know what the worst thing is, Rob? What's that? Going away in the summer holidays. Yeah. I know you've got to, because it's six weeks. Yeah. Well, you don't have to, but it's incredibly helpful to go away in summer holidays.

You've got to break it up with something, whether it's play dates or visiting families. You've got to break it up in some way. Yeah, you can't just do like, right, let's get up, go to the park every day. Going somewhere during the summer holidays is so expensive compared to normal time that it's, it feels a rip off. Yeah. And it's so fucking busy. Yeah.

It's the worst time to go because it's too busy and the most expensive. It's like, what the fuck's going on? It's just like, I know the fines are going up to take kids out of school. Do you know, I just think we need to stagger our summer holidays across the country in some way. Yeah. So that we can all just not have a horrific, like, it's just too long with everyone trying to do the same thing. Yes. And it's too busy where everyone's there. And also that it's too expensive because of the supply and demand. it's too busy where everyone's there. And also that it's too expensive because of the supply and demand. Josh, this is basically what we're experiencing here is we'll be frustrated by this until the kids are 18. And then we'll be fucking loving it when we go away in September is dogs

cheap. And then we'll be like, no, no, no, don't do that. All these fucking losers. We're just in the trenches at the moment because that's where we have to go away. But yeah, I think it's bang out of order to be honest. Now I do think Center Parks is a great trip if you've got kids that are too young that aren't in school because you can get really good value holidays there. Like if you go in like February and it's a bit cold but then you can have the fire on and make it cozy and it's not school holidays it's quite cheap and quite a good thing but I just think in the summer I don't think it's worth it in the summer holidays. Talking of cold Rob I'm fucking I'm

gagging for autumn. You're too hot. I'm absolutely ready. Hello. Not too I just had enough summer I'm such a big fan. I don't think anyone else in this country has had enough of it. Some would argue they haven't had it. I had too much. You had too much summer. At what point you overwhelmed with summer? About mid July. Mid July. Yeah. Okay. You love autumn. No, you love a jacket. I love autumn. I love the seasons, Rob. I love the seasons.

I love autumn, winter can- Do you know what my favorite season is the next one? I just love the next season whatever the next season is I'm ready to never happy always ready Yeah Correct you always longing for the next one. Have you met me? I'm always longing for something that I haven't got all that I used to have headphones headphones Fuck you know don't bring it up again So angry about those headphones. They are. Fuck you know, don't bring it up again. So angry about

those headphones. They are in this room somewhere they've got to be. Me and Luette looked after when we was at the center park, my brother was there with his 18 month old baby or baby toddler. I don't know what the word is. She's really cute. And we looked after her for like three and a half hours or something when they went to like this aqua sauna thing. Yeah, I forgot how hard it is having like an 18 month year old. I fucking done it again. 18

month old. Oh, yeah. We got classic. Are you to play Sunday Sunday? Of course they are to parent hell's greatest hits where we go back and repeat some of some of us remember what I built a trampoline? Remember the traffic like that Josh said never turned green. Oh, come and join us for a rundown of some of the greatest hits. Honestly, you were a bit closer to it because you're young, this is quite young, but

she can't really talk. She does a few words and you can sort of work out what you want. But she just like, uh, and just wanders around. It looks like she's about to fall over at all times, but when it's your kid, you know, when they're going to fall over or not, you're a bit more used to it. But obviously we were like, we didn't want them to come back and she got bruised and red, so she just hunched over. And by the end, I was so exhausted, Josh. I just don't know how people are doing it when you've got like an 80.

It does get easier. It gets so much easier. It gets so much. It gets so much easier. And, but mentally, the worst advice I've ever been given about parenting is it doesn't get easier. It's just difficult in different ways. Fucking bullshit. Absolutely.

I agree with that. No, no, no, it gets difficult in different ways, but mentally hard. No, it's never as difficult as the first six months. I'm sorry. Tell me that, sorry, that your child being, you know, bad at maths is worse than the waking up five times in the night. I'm sorry, but I refuse. I refuse. Yeah, not that. I don't think it gets harder. It gets difficult in different ways where it's like. It does get difficult in different ways, but difficult in easier ways.

Well, no, because like what the juggling of plates of stuff you've got to do, which Lou, to be fair, takes most of that hit on is like what they were in for school. What do they need? What clubs are they up to? What part is it the weekend? Who's that? What's that? What are they doing? Well, oh, you've got homework. You need to do that. That in your brain, it's just like a fog all the time. Well, when they're 18 months, really, it's like, follow them around on somewhere soft. And then just when they're hungry, give them something to eat. But it's exhausting. Rob, give me a full time table.

Any day, two naps in a day, when the nap drops, you're telling me it's harder with a four month old, right, than like an 18, two month, two year old that's still not sleeping properly and has dropped their two naps and he's just looking at you going, huh, all day. No, I'm saying zero to 18 months is harder than anything that I've experienced since. 18 months to three is fine, is it? No, I'm not saying to 18 months is harder than anything that I've experienced since.

18 months to three is fine, is it? No, I'm not saying it's fine. I'm saying it's easier than zero to 18 months. I think that 18 months to about two or three years is harder because you start with energy from zero and then after 18 months, it's not exciting anymore. You're like, oh, I've got the cube baby. Oh, it's great, isn't it?

So the novel is gone. The first six months, you're in a haze of like, oh my oh, I've got the cube baby. Oh, it's great isn't it? So the novel is gone. The first six months you're in a haze of like, oh my God, we've finally got this base. It's amazing. Everyone's excited and it's like, oh, they've done this. Oh, they've done that. And then 18 months to two or three is just brute. You are just following them around and they are launching themselves at danger.

Every second. Four month poll just sits in your, it's hard because you're tired, but you don't move. It doesn't move, Josh. Let's put a vote on our Instagram. Okay. Hardest stage. And it's all the hardest ages and you can like segment them up or one of the options is they're all hard in different ways. And let's see what. Right. Okay. I think that's a good way to do it. Put it to the test.

Put it to the test. But I like to say like the physical exhaustion is bigger, early doors. And then I do think once there's six, I think between about seven to 12, 13, I think that is a little bit of a chill period. Yeah, because they look and look after themselves, brush their teeth and all that kind of stuff. And they haven't hit the teenager age. And they haven't started like going out without you and getting the bus to school go you know what I mean and that is a massive worry in that way do I mean that letting go is difficult oh yeah oh I'm not saying that one's gonna be I feel like with a six-year-old an

eight-year-old I'm in quite a fairly I'd say that's probably the easier period I'm in right now well that's what I'm saying that's what I'm saying. It does get easier. Yeah but then harder again but then it's, but you're faced with different challenges. Do you know what I mean? You are faced with different challenges. Yeah but if you've got a nine year old that comes home and says, oh no one talks to me at school, no one plays with me at school. Right? And you've got to try and help them navigate that, right?

Which happens and it's horrible. That is insanely difficult. Do you know what I'd say to her? Do you know what I'd say? Get on with it mate, you little wanker. You're not having chocolate at the vending machine. I've had enough. I've been in Paris a week. I'd say, but the good thing is you sleep through. Now let's watch some TV. Yeah, but then they're not sleeping through because they're not going to bed because they're worried. You'd swap that in that moment for off following around a soft play.

Just kind of, ah, can I have some cheese play. Just kind of have some cheese. You can have some cheese. As much cheese as you want. Sit there strapped up in a high chair. Job done. What's that? What's that? Oh, it's 11. You're gonna go and sleep for two hours. Okay, brilliant. What's that? Three, you can sleep for another two hours. Pathetic. We'll put it to the vote. What else has been going on? I've got to tell you about. I've got a funny bee sting story for you. Oh, tell me that. You want that? No, so basically, so what I found was

in the summer holidays, it's like, it's constant, right? You've got to be doing something all the time and you're still trying to go to work, still trying to like, get to the gym or do the stuff you would normally do and see your friends as well as like spend time with the kids, make sure they're happy. So like, they have a day like we done loads of stuff and I was having a little five minute chill and it was all quiet. I was like, she's quite peaceful. This is a sunny day. The kids are playing the garden. They're happy. And then I just like my kids is losing their

mind and then your house can immediately turn into like a, you know, bore war field hospital. And you've got to try and treat this child. She basically kneeled on a bumblebee. Oh my god. Right, that was on the floor. She kneeled on a bumblebee. Partly like fucking hell, got liven up, look where you're going. She kneeled on a bumblebee. So she's got this massive red like welt on her knee.

Is the bee still attached? No, the bee was dead but the sting wasn't fully in. So anyway, she's screaming, screaming, screaming and then we've got like a cold thing on her leg because it's sore and raise. But basically we're trying to give her this some like a piratin stuff like, but it's a bit orangey flavor. It's not like nice like cow pole. So we're trying to give her this and she's going, I don't like it. I don't like it. It's disgusted. I don't like it. You know, we've got to have it. You've got to have it does help. But she's like, play the game. And I'm like, well, you can't moan about the pain and not have the medicine. Okay. Cause I'm trying. Then I went, right. I tell you what, let me get does help. But she's like, you can't moan about the pain and not have the medicine. Okay, because I'm

trying. And then I went, well, let me get you something. And she likes these yuzu milkshake things, right? Yeah. Anyway, so we got this, I grabbed a milk. I said, like, you have some of this and have this milkshake straight after. Okay. And then that will take the horrible taste out your mouth. Okay. So anyway, it goes on and on and on. Eventually, we get a lot. You know, you're trying to breathe, so you don't lose your temper, get us to have this a on. Eventually we get a night. You know, you're trying to breathe. So you don't lose your temper.

Get us to have this a bit of it before she has more and then give her medicine. And then she chucks on this milkshake, drinks those milkshakes. It's got disgusting. It's disgusting. I thought I saw milk milkshake. It's fizzy. It's fizzy. It's disgusting.

Is it disgusting? Have you tried? Orange flavor, but not sweet orange, orange orange light with a bit of a chemical eat kick because it's obviously got medicine in it. Right. So isn't isn't nice, but it isn't horrific. You know, I mean, it just isn't strawberry syrup, essentially. I'm not just absolutely not keep giving this fucking milkshake Josh, right? Anyway, she's got like, she's reacting weird is I

taste a bit of milkshake. It's fucking rotten. The milkshake Josh right? Anyway, she's got like she's reacting weird to this. I taste a bit milkshake. It's fucking rotten. The milkshake the milkshake two months out of date. Oh, my bossy because we're in a panic. I just grabbed it from the bottom the fridge. So now feeding a fucking off milk. Oh, so I don't know when I got a smoothie thing that was just strobing that house up like I was causing more problems and I was like, I'm sorry. Yeah, she thinks a medicine takes physics doesn't want to tell it was that off milk chocolate. Not ideal.

And how long did the bee sting last? It wasn't too bad. Actually, I think because the bee was dead it was just like, and the bee wasn't like attacking her as such. She sort of leant on it and jumped off quickly. So she had a lump but basically once we put a cold flannel on it and she had a medicine she didn't really mention it again so it wasn't too bad. So it can be bad if you react to it certain ways but it might have been a wasp baby then because bees normally a bit more brutal And they yeah, I don't know you haven't been stung in ages Self out and I think I've got bed bugs in the hotel or no really

Well, I said to Rose I keep getting mosquito bites and you're like, I don't think and then she was like what in Paris She don't think it's bed bugs your windows shut in the aircon. Yeah, that's not mosquitoes in Paris Is there I don't think there are for that the window open and the lights are like if you've got bed bugs? Because your window's shut and the aircon? Yeah. That's not mosquitoes in Paris, is there? I don't think they're wrong if without the window open and the lights on and like, if you've got aircon on and the window's shut, I don't think anything should be getting in. Yeah. They don't come through like the lobby, do they?

So I think I've got bed bugs. And Paris is known for bed bugs? Oh yeah, of course it fucking is! Unpopular opinion. I think Paris is disgusting. Oh, I like Paris. Certain bits of it are beautiful, obviously, and if you find a nice little cafe but if you take it as a whole and especially the touristy bits.

Do you know this is one of the problems with this over here right? Right. Gunfrauj, give it to me. Obviously everyone's meeting up. Lacks on the coast are they? Do you know what my daughter said today that it sounded wrong but it was a fair enough point but you know when a kid's, she was maning about school lunches, because obviously my kids just like beige plain pasta. Yeah, of course. Cheese or just plain rice. They don't really like

any flavor, right? So they moan a bit. And they went, the thing dad, they've just got to sort these dinners out. First of all, stop the curry. She don't like carrots, too, too flavorful, too spicy. Me and Lou have it. We give it to her. She don't like it. But he's just like, it's a white girl game. Stop the curry. It sounded like a Tory slogan, you know, stop the boat. And I knew what she meant. You know, she also carried it on going. Stop the jacket potatoes, stop the pizza, just give me pasta and rice, you know. But a jacket potatoes surely a bland enough, aren't they? Well, I know she does not like jacket potatoes. She likes

mashed potato, but not jacket, which is very fussy. It's painful. I think we're the problem. But yeah, what can you do? But yes, no, I think I'm sorry, what you're saying? What's your problem over here? So it's been really until this morning. It's been pretty stress free. Except when I've tried to do other work.

Yeah, that normally happens when you're at work trying to do other work at it. They know you're doing this. But we don't start till half one role. Oh, okay. So that you've got your own time now. So yeah, now it's

quarter to 11 in quarter to 12. Yeah. I know it's quarter to quarter to 11. Yeah, sorry. So's quarter to quarter 11. Yeah. Yeah, sorry So what time have you got to go and do that filming? I'm a day. Okay, cool. So you're quite tight then aren't you? Yeah, yeah, I'm not sure you haven't had a shower yet. No, okay No, and so everyone's like I'm making the most of Paris in the mornings Well cross on you know going to places that they've read about but doing a nice pastry or they're going to watch this or they're going to...

I think that'd be good for you when you go for a nice walk and take it all in. I know, but every time I do, I'm like, I know, Rob, I'm having... This is the thing, right? I'm having a lovely time. All right, you are having a lovely time. By just not doing these things, but I feel... What are you doing in the morning? I go to the gym.

That's good. I kind of catch up on my emails. I read my book. I chill out. I go to the gym. That's good. I kind of catch up on my emails. I read my book. I chill out. I listen to my music. But people say, what did you do this morning? And I think nothing. That's okay though.

And they act. If you're happy with doing that. They're acting, Rob. They're acting. Yeah, I know. They're acting. They're pretending that they like it or acting that what you're doing is a waste. No, no, no.

They're acting like they've never been to Paris before and they're never going to get to go again. And this is the only opportunity they'll ever have to explore Paris. Some people that might be the case. It might be the case Rob. But then that's fine if they enjoy that. But if you're not enjoying that and you're enjoying the gym and a bit of quiet routine. I think you need routine. Exactly.

I think you need routine. I think routine is good for you. Oh God, routine is so good for me. We'll talk about this because we've got to wrap up in a minute. But how is your gym going? Because Mike Bubbins is put on a bit more weight, he said on Instagram, and he's trying to lose weight again. And then now we've re-agreed to do the Top Soft Challenge first to Jan. Are you still up for that? Totally. Because we're both trying to get fitter. You're enjoying it.

It's going good. It's going good. You look leaner. You look powerful. Well, obviously fury is shitting herself oh yeah because it can unload on fury layer well that's a weird way of um yeah I'm looking good for the gym and I've also got something that I'm doing on TV where I need to be trim oh oh oh this is I like this game. Okay, this is intriguing. You're doing something on TV. But I'm not going to tell you what it is. Right. Okay. When can we know? Well, I haven't totally agreed to it. I've said, can I have a zoom to chat to them? Because

I'm not sure whether I want to do it. Okay. But if you were to do it, you'd need to be trim. Yeah, it would help. Well, I wouldn't need to be but my vanity would say be trim. Right. Okay. So it's nothing to do with fitness. Little bits to do with fitness. I wouldn't need to be, but my vanity would say be trim. Right, OK. Being fit. So it's nothing to do with fitness. Little bit to do with fitness. I can't tell you. But I suppose it is, yeah. Well, you just told me.

Ha! So a bit of both. Your own vanity and also it will be helpful to in your goal. Yeah. OK. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting.

We'll leave that there. We should do a small business shout out. Yes. Hi, Rob and Josh. I would be super grateful if you could please do a shout out to my best mate's invention, Tinny Soothe. T-I-N-N-I Soothe. Tinny Soothe is a brand new wearable white noise medical device that helps provide 24 seven relief for people who suffer from tinnitus. He's had tinnitus for 10 years and invented

this then left his main job to pursue it as a business. He then suffered a horrific brain stem stroke as a result of bad windsurfing accident just before lockdown, had to learn to walk and talk again but still battled through and used the resultant journey of recovery to double down on launching the business to help other sufferers. Please check it out at www.tinnysooth.com. Thanks so much for the enduring laughs and general banter, general banter is a great description, that never ceases to grow old. Loves and kisses, Simon. General banter, Rob. General banter. We'll be back for some General Banter on Friday.

You better believe it, I'll see you there. Bye. Bye bye. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"]