Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP5: A Strict 'No Fingers in Tea' Policy

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. at mx.ca slash business platinum. Looking for a collaborator for your career, a strong ally to support your next level success?

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With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with... Bodie. Bodie. Can you say Rob?

Rob. Beckett. Beckett. And Josh And Josh. Josh. Widicuff. Widicuff. Clever boy.

Clever boy. Clever boy, recently just turned two. He sounded in the distance, didn't he? I've listened to the podcast since he was born. Thank you for all the laughs and car rides. Hayley from Nutsford, Cheshire. Nutsford. Nutsford services, I know that. Yeah.

Cheshire Oaks designer outlet. Knutsford services, yeah. Why do I know that? It's in the Royal Family, they talk about it. You've probably stopped there as well a lot, Torrin. I've probably stopped there as well. It's a classic, it's a classic services. It's nice, isn't it, Knutsford?

It's where like footballers live. Yes, but there's something else where it's nice nice but I can't remember what it's called. Audley Edge. That's it, Audley Edge that's where they all live isn't it? Yeah. Would you like to live in Audley Edge with all the footballers? Wimslow, around there? Not really. I don't want to have to go to school pick up and see Robbie Savage. If you had to befriend one England footballer who do you think you'd get on best with like that the England team? That's such a good question. Lee Carsley?

Well, I'm not a kiss up to the manager, I don't think. I think I've got a bit more edge than that. Yeah, absolutely. You've got edge now, beating up gladiators. Who would I want to be friends with? John Stones. John Stones, good guy. What about you, Rob?

Adam Ramsdale. Aaron Ramsdale, he's a laugh. He's friends with Alex Brooker. Aaron Ramsdale. Oh, he's only just left us and I already forgot his first name. Ramsdale and Declan Rice probably. I've met Declan Rice and he was lovely. He's normal. He was very normal. You would live in Orderly Edge in a flat share with Declan Rice and Ramsdale and maybe John Stones. Why not? Why not? Good guys. Let's make a reality show about it. Rose watches and I'm sure Lou has and Rumsdale and maybe John stones. Why not? Why not? Good guys.

Reality show about it. Rose watches, and I'm sure Lou has watched this cause she has a similar taste in TV. The real housewives of Cheshire. Right, Lou is completely obsessed with these shows. More American though than UK. So she watches the Vanderpump rules. Do you know this one?

Yeah, Rose watches the Vanderpump rules. Okay, Summer House. I donump Rules. Okay, Summer House. I don't know if Rose watches Summer House. This is like where they have a big summer house in New York that all these people go to weekends and get off of each other. When I said I was doing a TV show, Rob, I've got to admit it, it's Summer House.

Southern Charm, you heard of that one? No, there's a lot of Real Housewives going on. And Vanderpump Rules is a spin-off of Real Housewives I think is that right? Yes, I think so, but it's all owned by this guy called like Andy Cohen or something, right? So the Andy Cohen Empire basically Bravo. I don't know Lou just says all these words I don't understand what they mean and basically Rob what happens is if I go out say I'm doing a gig Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll get back at 10 doing a gig. Yeah, she picks them up. I'll get back at 10pm.

Yeah. And Rose will be sat on TV and there'll be some women who've had an incredible amount of cosmetic surgery done. Yeah. There's normally always one I fancy as well. Yeah. Yeah. I don't mind watching it for a bit when they're on.

And then they're arguing in a, like an Italian restaurant. Yeah. That's very high end. Yep. And one of them's probably got a drinking problem and they're arguing about that or something. They've had a bit of work done as well. And one of their husbands has been cheating. But there's so many episodes and so many series.

I don't know how Rose is across it. What they do is though, they'll put people in Summer House that are in Southern Charm so that when you like that character, you'll go back and watch their origin story. It's like Marvel for sort of 35-year-old women. I'm not saying you have to be a 35-year-old woman to like this, but I'd say whereas you expect sort of a spotty virgin to love Marvel

and know all the ins and outs. I'd say a 35 year old woman with two children is peak watcher of these shows. Because there's like all sorts, I think Lou's watched them all. There's going to be like some sort of fan event they want to go to. So there's Real Housewives of Dubai, New Jersey, Orange County, Potamac. They're inventing towns now that they're from. It's got that popular. And often like they'll be footballers and Rose will go, oh, he's married to one of the people. Well, I think Real Housewives of Atlanta might have, I think Deontay Wilder, the boxer's wife's on that.

Kelsey Grammer's wife was on it once. There's one that Rose was watching and Kelsey Grammer's wife was on it. They should do Real Housewives of Bromley. Luke could star in this, she'd dominate. Just having a big row in the glades. But I watched boxing sometimes and there's Deontay Wilder, who was at one point the heavyweight champion of the world

and she goes, oh, that's like Clarissa's husband. All right, okay. That's what it's come down to. That show's become more popular than this guy fighting for a living. But yeah, no, Luz watched them all. like, all right, okay. That's what has come down to that shows become more popular than this guy fighting for a living. But yeah, no lose, lose watch them all. Yeah. She's obsessed. I don't know if I've got a sense of that. In their defense, they have to spend a lot of hours on their own in the evening way more so than being married to someone that worked

a nine to five. Oh, because Rose has been at home like how she coping at home for like two weeks. Let's not say in her defense. Rose fucking loves it when she gets to watch the TV, purely her choice. Let's not pretend she's going, oh, I wish Josh was here so we could debate what sports documentary that I'm gonna sit and look at my phone during. She's going, fucking get in.

He's at a gig, I'm doing three episodes of under pumps. Well, I'm gonna say so now that thinks gonna come back to haunt me and blow up in my face. But if I've been away working for like three days or whatever, I come home and look, I spent a night where with the kids, I'm exhausted, they've driving me mad. Spin rushed off my feet. And then I go, okay, I'll have you'll have a glass of wine watch bit of telling she puts on her thing. And I'll be like, what's this? I thought he was

watching. Summer House, Series A. and there's 10 series of that. And now we're watching series two of Southern Charm. And she'll be like, oh, well I finished that now I'm watching this. And I'm like, in three days. I'm sat there doing the math, 10 episodes of series. Is she watching it on one and a half time? I don't know what she's doing, but she's plowing through it like an alky in a minibar. She absolutely loves it. She's less expensive. Yeah, but you know, fair enough.

But what is, and that's why Lou's tired, she goes, Lou goes to bed quite late, I think, really. Yeah. Because if I'm at home a lot, I'll normally go to bed before Lou, but she loves it. But it's fair enough. I watch hours and hours of football and I'll go, oh, I'm nervous. Exactly. We've all got our vices. I don't come in and say to Rose, Rose, by the way, who's coming back on, has now got,

she says quite a long list of stuff she needs to pick me up on. So maybe I'm wrong on this. Yes, I've got that from Lou about me. I'm not sniffy about this. Like I don't come in and go, oh, what's this rubbish? No, no, no. Some of it's quite interesting as well.

But the problem is she burns through it at a rate that I can't keep up with. Well, don't worry, Rob, because there's 48 different Housewives series. No, but the problem is not only do I miss a couple of episodes or whatever, or even a couple of series, not only do I not understand the plot anymore,

the amount of plastic surgery these cast members have, it looks like they've been replaced. You know, like when they changed Martin Fowler on EastEnders. And one day it's James Alexandru, the next day it's Anoogiza. You're like, what's going on here? Hard to keep up.

But yeah, Lou loves all that, but I'll try and keep up on it. But now I'm worried that she's going to give me loads of shit. Because now let's reverse tack. Without these ladies in our life, Josh, it would fall apart. but I'll try and keep up on it. But now I'm worried that she's gonna give me loads of shit. Because now let's reverse tack without these ladies in our life, Josh, fall apart. How is Rose coping with the kids for two weeks while you're in Paris? Because as hard as it is for you, it's harder for her

a fucking sterling job, Rob. She's done a fucking brilliant job. Yeah. So when I got back, let's puff their feathers up. Now let's let's do that. Let's crawl back. Yeah, yeah. Just say lose so selfless. She can just lift so much weight in, yeah. Can I just say- Lou's so selfless. She can just lift so much weight in the gym. Can I just add that, Rob? And I'm really impressed. Oh, she's strong in the gym. Just trying to really win her over here. I'm just trying to win her over here. It's a strange compliment though, isn't it?

No, she fucking loves- That she's strong. Yeah. Right, so Rose is strong and can lift a lot of weight. So that'll be for her. That's a good compliment that she like, as opposed to being a great mother. And look at her. I've already done that one. I've said she's doing a great job. Oh, so I thought that was your go-to compliment. No, it was just a bonus compliment.

Oh, sorry. I was going to say, no, it's a great compliment. That's a nice thing to have. I was going to say something more bawdy, like she's fit. And then I thought that's not really a nice thing to say. And then I changed it to the strength thing. And now I wish I'd just stuck with the first one. No, it's great. I just thought that was your first port of call. And she's got a great mind. She's got a great mind. There's a kind of thing a politician says about a shamed politician that go, well, they've got a great mind. Obviously, they can occasionally let

themselves down, but they've got a wonderful mind and we won't want to lose that in government. Yeah. Can I say something? Keep going. I like it. That might be controversial. Yeah. Can I say something? Keep going. I like it. That might be controversial. Yeah. I think when you're in a relationship, and you're in love with someone, I don't think you identify the things that you're in love with in the same way. Like you just are. Do you know what I mean? So it's not like you go, the reasons I love this person are they are dependable.

They are funny. They are strong. Yeah. They are great minds. The times when you're noticing someone's personality traits, that's towards the end of a relationship when it's about to break up. Right. So what you're saying that you're taking Rose for granted.

No, I'm not saying that, Rolf. You're a fucking weasel. That's what you are. There's a little trait I've noticed. I was just trying to understand what you was getting across. You're so used to her being wonderful, you don't notice it anymore. No, what I'm saying is,

I think it's weird when people say the reasons they love their partner, because the reason you love your partner, that's why do you love a great song? Because it hits you on a guttural heart level rather than a head level. There's no thought behind it. It's just pure energy and love for Rose that's driving you.

It's a human connection that you shouldn't be labeling with facets of their character. You have been in the city of love too long, baby. You're like an absolute sex man now. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. I think Rose is listening to this, and all her clothes have just fallen off after that.

You sweet talking sod. I'm sorry listeners if I'm too deep for you. And Lou, I wanted to say to you, I think you've got a great arse. I'm so tired right there on a guttural level. I'm not even thinking about it. My guts just know. Yeah. Oh, but I've had guttural level problems over here. I've had the shits for about a week.

Rob. Talking in the guttural level. Do you know what? They don't mess about with butter in France, do they? Is that what you think it is, maybe? Because you eat quite clean, really. What are you eating? I've been eating quite well. Yeah, but I think everyone's had it. Oh, like maybe it's a bug rather than the food.

Yeah, I was gonna send you a photo but Michael, can I send some photos to Rob from my phone? Yeah, me phone. Yeah. To explain why that's happening is because Josh has taken a laptop with a battery that doesn't work properly, but even plugged into the wall and switched on will not charge it up enough to record a podcast. And he's also lost his headphones. So he's still using the producer's headphones for the last leg and the last leg laptop

whilst he's in a hotel room paid for by the last leg to present a show in Paris for the last leg whilst he does his podcast. That's the situation we're at. So he had to ask Michael if he can show the pictures on his phone that I imagine he's getting his data roaming paid for by The Last Leg. No, I don't have data roaming. Because he's currently recording the audio through his phone. What picture you got, Josh?

Have you sent it? That's my dinner two nights ago. French catering is fascinating, Rob. Okay. Okay. that's interesting. It looks like a chart. I'm gonna try and attempt to tell you what you've got. Yeah. I see new potatoes in the middle.

New potatoes, yeah. I would say on the side, are they two hash browns? Two hash browns, yeah. Yeah, okay. Now it looks like potato salad. Potato dauphinoise. Sorry, dauphinoise, obviously. Okay. Right. We've got a lot of potato in this dish. Yeah. So and then some balls that look like they could be like, they're circular. It's not like

croquettes, but maybe arancini rice balls. No, they're potato croquettes. They are potato croquettes, but spherical, not not in a sort of rectangular shape cylinder. And then in front of that looks like porridge. That's risotto. That one you've got the shits mate. Fucking that was a veggie dinner one night.

Your ass is like a fucking hovis bakery. It's been done 16 ways. And then what's that little pot next to some chocolate? That is a apple crumble because it's the height of summer in France. Why is it brown? That's the crumble which is pure brown cheese. Not brown cheese, brown sugar. It's pure brown cheese. Pure brown cheese. And the red brown cheese. Wow, that, yeah, I can see why your stomach's in pieces. Yeah.

Because all that had been cooked with so much butter. Even the new potato looks too buttery. The risotto looks like porridge. We'll put that on our Instagram. Yeah. And then what, are they not giving you any protein? No, because I'm veggie. What are you doing for protein there?

Because I know you're on this health kit where you need to eat lots of protein. How are you getting your protein? Greek yogurt at breakfast, and then I'll have a protein shake after I go to the gym. Did you eat all that food? No. Do you want to see the chicken? God, I can't.

We're having a good night, but that's not... Do you want to see the chicken? Yes, of course I want to see your chicken. You don't eat chicken though, is this someone else's? Do you want to see Phil Kerr's dinner? Oh, the legend is Phil Kerr who helps write on, well, writes with me on Celebs Go Dating. And he's writing with Alex Brooker, this is's dinner. Oh, the legend is Phil Kerr who helps write on, well writes with me on Celebsko Dating. And he's writing with Alex Brooker, this is his dinner. The fuck off! Is that the chicken? In balls? Eight balls. So hang on, he's got eight croquettes? Yeah. Are they chicken balls or are

they potato balls? I don't know which ones they are, I can't remember because there were so many different, I think they might be potatoes. He looks like he's loving them. That's his dinner. Do you want to see the chicken that the producer got? Yeah. Do you know what that looks like? That chicken. It looks like a fox has been at a bird's nest, right? And it's had to go all the chicks and you've picked them up and put them in a takeaway box to the RSPCA.

Can you resuscitate these? Do you want to see? I love this game, yes. What I love most about this, you know I'm going to say yes. Right, what else do I want to see? We've got to get this on the Instagram. The tea is not ideal over here. I've had to bring my own tea bags. Oh my God, absolutely Brexit.

Yeah, and get this. You know, I went home halfway through. Yeah, mentally or physically. The mugs aren't big enough for my tea, so I've brought a pack of my own mug. Who the fuck? What pathetic kind of middle-aged bloke in Lanzarote who won't eat Spanish food have I become. You're Alan Partridge. I am Alan Partridge. I'm living in a hotel. You're middle-class, Brexit. You're sat there with your big mug in a French kitchen. With my own mug and my own tea bags, And then at breakfast, I get a cup of milk

so that I've got enough milk for my tea in the room because I tried to order some milk to my room and they charged me four euros. Oh my God, you should get back to that vending machine, mate. Oh my God. What I will say is, you had a cup of tea on holiday and it was in the sun and I could see the mug and the tea bag glistening in the sun by the pool

and it disgusted me. I saw it on your Instagram and it disgusted a lot of people. My issue is not if someone's into tea. You're into tea. You love tea. But I think you do tea wrong. It's too milky and weak and feeble. That's because I was abroad. Right. So what is your normal tea setup? What are you doing? My tea setup is one Yorkshire tea bag or PG tips. I don't care. So you don't mind about that? No, all I do mind about is I hate any posh tea. I hate it. Right. It's not strong enough. Teapots can fuck off.

Okay. Fair enough. I hate teapots. They give you weak, cold tea. Okay. That's fine. So you like in the mug? In the mug. Yorkshire or PG? Yorkshire or PG. How are that's fine. So you like in the mug. In the mug. Yorkshire or PG. Yorkshire or PG. How you doing it? Hot water straight in?

Boiling water on it. Dance the tea bag around. I enjoy dancing the tea bag around. With finger or spoon? Finger, I like the pain. Okay, and if you're making the tea for someone, you're not fingering, are you? The boiling water will get rid of any germs.

Ooh, I'm not sure about that. No, no, that's not true. I will use a teaspoon. Don't lie now. Don't backtrack because you get your little fingers in everyone's mouths. I'm not getting my little fingers in everyone's mouths. You get your little fingers in everyone's mouths dancing around like that you little pervert. I'm not getting back into that situation where people call me a weirdo for drinking the cat water.

That is so beyond weird to the point of you should be sectioned. That is different. This is perverted. That is so beyond weird to the point of you should be sectioned. That is different. This is perverted. That was super fashionable. I'm just a nice man trying to live his life. Get your little fingers in the middle. Do you want a cup of tea?

Or if I went, do you want a glass of water? Little finger in it. Quick swirl it around with a middle digit. I don't put my fingers in someone's tea. I use a teaspoon. I think you're lying, but carry on. But do you know what, what does my head in? Yeah. You can ask Rose this. I will. People who use the teaspoon and then they you're lying, but carry on. But do you know what does my head in? Yeah.

You can ask Rose this. I will. People who use the teaspoon and then they put it down on the side, creating a little tea puddle. I hate the tea puddle. Do you know what I hate? Someone sticking their fingers in my mouth when I'm drinking. I wouldn't do that because I don't do that.

Okay, so when you're doing your own, you dance it around with your finger, burn your fingers. Yeah, and I feel hard. Straight in the bin, you feel hard. And then milk. And then milk. And how you're stirring that own, you dance it around with your finger, burn your fingers. Yeah. And I feel hard. Straight in the bin, you feel hard. And then milk. And then milk. And how you stirring that? Top of your knob?

Dance it around? No, it just... Give it a little swirl. The tea bag's dancing has stirred the milk. Because I put the milk in and then I take the tea bag out at the end. Or I don't agree with milk and tea bag ever being in the cup at any point. Why not? No.

Take the tea bag out, make sure it's strong. I don't like tea, but I have to make it for people. And squeeze the bag with a spoon. Yeah, no fingers. And then that goes in the bin. And then milk, stir with the same spoon. No fingers allowed. No finger policy. Rob? Yeah, that's fine. We've all got our different ways. We all live our different ways. And I love you for who you are. Yeah, and I like you for who you are. Why don't you do some correspondence?

Rob, can we please start with some schoolyard shaggers? I'm gonna do a schoolyard shagger and then I want more schoolyard shagger. Schoolyard, school gate shagger. School gate shagger, fuck it up. This is basically stories from school where the parents or the teachers have been getting it on and there's been affairs and drama. You can do it anonymously. You can change everyone's names, but just give us the goss. Here's one to get you in the mood. Here we go. Yeah. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. My sister-in-law's now ex-husband. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Yeah. I just gave my head around what that means. Okay, cool.

My sister-in-law's now ex-husband. So this would be, for example, Rose's sister's- Your wife's sister, yeah, ex. My sister-in-law's now ex-husband was having an affair with his son's best friend's mom, who was also good friends with his wife, my sister-in-law at their school. That's a classic EastEnders storyline. who was also good friends with his wife, my sister-in-law at their school. That's a classic EastEnders storyline. Yeah. So he's shagging the mum of the kids' best friends and then the mums are friends.

Yeah. He has been entertaining his mistress in top London hotels saying he was away on business. That's sorry. This is written like it's like in the sun. He's been entertaining his mistress for all night romps in top London hotels. Top London hotels. He'd been entertaining his mistress in top London hotels saying he was away on business. My sister-in-law became suspicious when he spotted her in the playground. This is the woman who's having the affair with her husband. When she spotted her in the playground wearing the exact same Gucci earrings

that her husband had bought her, the wife, the previous Christmas. What? He bought them the same present? Well, they had gone mysteriously missing from a bedside table. You've got to be fucking kidding me. And I think with these kinds of expensive earrings,

they release some for a season, and then they stop making them. Yeah. And also I think if you're really good friends with someone, this is my experience of women that are friends. If you hang out a lot together, if someone's got something

and you're buying something similar or the same, you say, I really liked that bag, I was gonna buy it. Do you mind if I get it, but I won't wear it when you wear it? That's the sort of rule, isn't it, with clothes? Yeah. Rob, I'm gonna buy it. Do you mind if I get it but I won't wear it when you wear it? That's the sort of rule isn't it with clothes? Yeah Rob I'm gonna table a motion a theory that here. Okay. So the mistress, should we call her that, that's being entertained in top London hotels with Gucci earrings. Yeah yeah. She knows where they've come from. Okay, obviously. She knows what she's doing. This is a cry, not a cry for help, but a I want to be caught. I want to be caught. This is a way of making

this go to the next level. Yeah. And that's a good theory. I think people can't is hard to live with this much guilt, isn't it? Yeah. So he had told his wife that he'd put the Gucci earrings in the safe for safekeeping. But what he'd actually done was got a new fake Gucci box off Amazon and re-gifted them to the mistress. You've got to be fucking kidding me. One of the other mums at the school and the kids are best friends. I'm gonna say it. Yeah. The guys are ****. Okay. Josh, now this is where this schoolground Shaggy story becomes perfect for me and you. There's two really important moments in this story that's coming up that can sum us up better.

Because for me, it feels like it's already climaxed. Like it's mad. You've got two more full body orgasms coming your way. Okay, can I just dig down a bit further? Yeah, dig as far as you want baby. I've got you. So it's a safe in his house and the woman's just allowed to because she's got looked in the safe, the box is in there and it's an empty Gucci earrings box.

Well, they're just not in the safe anymore. But it feels like maybe the safe isn't at the house and they're somewhere else. And he's I'm not sure about that. But I think she knew at this point when she saw the earrings, but when he asked her about it, he just said they're in the safe. Oh, I see. They weren't. And I think later on they found out that he'd got a fake box of Amazon and re-gifted them. Now, Josh, this is where it gets very stiff and loose neck. Rob Beckett and Joshua Decombe.

He actually got caught out on the match of the day highlights. What? You've got to be fucking kidding me. When at halftime at the Tottenham vs West Ham, the camera zoomed in on him. What a romantic day. And his playground shag standing together and was spotted by another BDI dad at the school. Oh, my God. Yes, please.

Imagine watching that to the day and you see two parents from the school gates that are having an affair. So that's a little Josh Whitakum bit of the story there. I'm going to say it, if I was watching Match of the Day, think of two parents from the school that are a random mum and dad that aren't together, Rob. Is it bad that I've already fought with them? No, that's fine.

Now think of them sweatily going at it in a top London hotel. Now think, you've seen them on match of the day. Yeah. Would you think they're having an affair? And would you do anything? What would you do in that situation? Or would you think, oh, I didn't realise they were friends, they must both support West Ham? I would be suspicious immediately and then think I see the good in people, Josh. So I imagine, maybe they've got four tickets and the two kids that are best friends have gone and the mum and the dad of that just were like, oh, we're the ones available to go because I've got friends where I would take the kids out with the wife and yeah, but I'd also go hang on, but there's no spare seats and no children in that shot. So they're there alone. That's weird. Then I would maybe mention it to Lou and say, do you know if someone

says a West Ham fan, Tottenham fan, blah, blah, blah. However, I think they were already on the way to being caught. This was just extra. Yeah. Okay. So now after the matchday day thing, all hell broke loose because other people are finding out about it. And the wife already had suspicions. It's all on iPlayer. You can go back and watch. You're gonna go back and watch every West Ham Tottenham game. So all hell broke loose. And they are now divorced, which obviously we're laughing.

It's very, very sad for the kids involved. But let's not worry too much about that, because it ruins the fun we're having now. But to add insult to injury, okay, after the divorce. One half-term recently, the dad had said he couldn't have the kids when he had previously arranged to because he had to work and he had no money because of the divorce. So then the lady that had been cheated on had booked a family holiday with her family and the kids and they were going to go to Dubai. Now they were taking the kids out of school two days early, they arrived at arrived at checking at the airport Oh, no, and unbelievably a model the affair a man walked past them queue in at the economy line and straight up to first class

Yeah, you fucking bad end and checked in for the same flight Oh, no, no, he's going left, he's turning left and his family are turning right. But not on his own with his new girlfriend and her kid. Oh no! In front of his old, oh not his old family but his previous. Oh my god. And he tried to hide by pulling his hood up, you can imagine what kind of man he is. Awful. Genuinely like that poor, because if the kid's seen him and he said oh dad can't come at half term and you see him with another fat. Genuinely, that poor, because if the kid seen him and he said, Oh, dad can't come at half term and you see him with another fat, Oh my god, it's horrible. Yeah, that's horrible.

That is horrible. Now, we've got here, this is from Vicky. She doesn't give a shit about being anonymous. I think she wants this man to be found out, to be honest. Thanks for four years of pure joy. I constantly laughing out loud. Imagine that's for us, not a brother-in-law. Please keep this pod going forever. Saw it at the O2 and loved it from Vicky. But what a bastard, Josh. That's the most extreme we've had in terms of a guy that just doesn't give a flying fuck. What a monster. What you'd expect of a West Ham fan. I imagine he's Tottenham.

Or Tottenham. Ideas above their station, not delivering when they need to deliver, trying to go for things they can't achieve. And before you know it, it's an absolute mess. Spursy, that's what I think. Ha ha ha. Too good on the offense, can't defend. Spursy. That's what I think. Too good on the offense, can't defend. Keep it simple. That's what I say. Yeah, so any more Skullgate shaggers,

let us know. We love a bit of Skullgate shaggers. We're going to try and get a load and do a special because they are incredibly popular and also people are enjoying just using them as a chance to vent and dump people in. Oh, if you want to name and shame them, no, probably can't do that, it's against the law, isn't it? Yeah. Ha, ha, ha. We've got some boomers here, Josh. You want a boom, a couple of boomers?

Yeah, give me a fucking boomer. Oh, no, we do this first. This isn't under the miscellaneous stuff here, Josh. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. During today's podcast, series nine, episode three, you briefly discussed how it would be interesting if listeners might name their children after you, and that there might be some brothers out there

called Rob and Josh. Well, I'm here to tell you that you are not the OG, I'm afraid, my son-in-law, 328 months, is called Rob, and has a little brother called Josh. Hey! In 190 months, there we go. So I'm afraid that their parents have set the trend for pairing Rob with Josh.

Love the pod, Stay sexy and relatable from Anne. 624 months. Mother of two. There we go. So that's the first Rob and Josh out there, Josh. That is excellent. Now we need a Rob, Josh and Michael. Yeah, that's the key. Has anyone got a Rob, Josh and Michael out there? Let us know. Right. I'll do some boomers, Josh, because I don't think you can actually access them in your current... I can. Hi, Rob and Josh. It's a boomer Rob.

I've corrected. Yeah. Aged eight, I went to see the Beach Boys with my dad at Wembley Stadium. Wow. Blimey. About 15 minutes in, I began to feel really unwell. The start of a stomach bug coming on, tell me about it. Finger tea. Dad escorted me to the bathroom and decided it was best to go back to the car Thinking he would take me home. But no he put me in the car told me to sleep lock the car I went back to watch the rest. No eight eight It was a different time on it. It was a different time. The Beach Boys were playing Wembley Stadium for a start

I don't know what their dynamic pricing was. Yeah, that is mental, isn't it? Also, there's no readmission in it on tickets. Readmission also, Rob, being able to just park near Wembley. I mean, in a way, imagine the walk he would have had to do last week after Taylor Swift if he'd done it. Oh my God. That was not okay, was it? How are you enjoying the Beach Boys, full stop,

but how are you enjoying the Beach Boys, full stop, but how are you enjoying the Beach Boys while knowing, like the stress that must be attached to that? Do you know what I mean? Well, what if the kid was sick? Yeah. On his own asleep in the back of a car? Yeah. I'd love to know what the dad said about this.

People don't give a fuck back in the day, do they? No. Do you want to know the Boomer, Rob? Yes, please. I want to find out when the Beach Boys Wembley Stadium gig was. Yeah, well, this person is, I can tell you they're 528 months

and they were eight at the time. So whatever 528 is about 40. So it's about 32 years ago. Is it? Oh, they did the Wembley Stadiums in 1975. So what's 528 months? That can't be right. 528 months, Michael?

44 they are. 44 and they were eight. So it was 36 years ago. So it was 1988. Did the Beach Boys play Wembley Stadium? Doesn't feel like they're in 1988, does it? Feels like 70s things, doesn't it? I wonder whether she means arena.

Beach Boys, live in London, England, September 1989. Got a video here. You might see a dad carrying a child out of sleep. It's Wembley Arena, it's Wembley Arena. So a shorter walk than out of the stadium, but still bad. Bloody hell, it's a long old set, 30 songs. Kid must have been in that car ages.

Fuck it. I'm getting there, imagine that. Where's your kid? Oh, asleep in the back of the car. Feels sick. Hopefully they don't choke on their vomit. I'm feeling a good vibration. Get around, get around, get around. Dad! Dad! Going on surfing in the US.

Dad! Scratching the window. Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad!

Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! I'm gonna go surfing in the US. I'd scratch the window. He must have cracked the window.

Couldn't treat a dog like that. When did cracking the window for a dog come in? Was the 80s, were they people still cracking the window then? I don't know. I think cracking the window started off with farting, wouldn't it? Crack a window for a fart. Did it? Crack a window for a wasp.

You've had a wasp in the car on the motorway. Oh guys bad. Oh, God. I'm sure I told you this. Yeah, I'm sure I have about when my friends are coming back from a stag do on a motorway and the one in the front seat open the window to throw up. It went straight in the face the guy behind him. I've been sick out of a car down the side of it once my mom picked me up from a night out. It's bad, isn't it? Do you know, I once got a stomach bug when me and Rose were driving to go away for the weekend. You need to stop putting your dirty fingers

in your tea, mate. Right. You're gonna start, you're gonna bring dysentery back. I was driving a hire car and we were on the motorway and I was like, we were going like, motorway speeds so you can't pull over. I was like, I'm gonna be sick. It just came on.

Going to be sick. All we had was the bag that sat and have to come in. And Rose had to hand me the bag that sat and have come in. And I had to put it on my lap and throw up while Rose, who couldn't drive at the time, held the steering wheel at full speed. Can you pull over? You're not allowed to just pull over on a motorway. That's safer than being sick while you're driving, isn't it? Yeah, probably. But I think I was just like, it came on so fast. I was just

like, I'm going to be sick. I'm going to be sick. I'm going to be sick. She handed me like it was like this kind of, you know, like that kind of material, like a laptop case material. Canvas. Yeah, and just throw up in that, and then she tipped it out the window, and then I threw up in it again. Oh. A guttural love. And then in the hotel, I just had to wash the Sat Nav bag,

because that was rented as well. Oh, Josh. Anything you want to declare when returning the car? No, no, all good, all good. Any injuries? No, everything's fine. Oh, Josh. Anything you want to declare when returning the car? No, no, all good. All good. Any injuries? No, that's fine.

I think I sprayed the sat nav bag with deodorant to try and get rid of the stench. It doesn't work, does it? You know, sick. No. Just wash it in the bath, have you? No. Right, do you want another boomer? Yeah, go on, hit me.

Hi, Rob and Josh. My mum was a classic boomer parent. When I was eight and my brother was about six, we used to go for the odd meal out, usually the little chef or harvester loved at the end of the meal, my mom used to send my brother to the toilet before the journey home. And whilst he was gone, she would pay the bill. When he got back to the table, she would ask if everyone was ready to go. And my brother

would say, but mommy, you haven't paid yet. My brother was a real warrior by nature. And my mom would lean across the table and say she's gonna pretend to do a runner. I know on the count of five we run, he would cry the whole run to the car. That is such a terrible thing to do. Oh, it's made me feel better though really of like why our generation sort of are anxious. Yeah, if this was going on. She wishes to tell us that sweet corn was children's teeth and raisins were dead

flies and can never work out why you're such a fussy eater. Keep being sexy relatable, Katie from Crowthorne in Parkshire. Maybe I'm like, oh, you're bloody woke millennial parent, just too soft. But I'm like, when my daughter's worried. I don't want to do that to my kids. I would not find that funny at all to make her more worried.

Why is that funny? Or was it because they thought it was funny? Or did they think that actually it will make them not worry because let's make a joke out of it. But all you're doing is just making it, because as far as they're concerned, everything you say as a parent is real. So they are really breaking the law then.

And at that age, you'll think they'll go to prison. I mean, we'd like as a family, obviously, inter-family banter was highly regarded in my house. But the things would be, would you do the, I suppose this is a countryside thing, if someone had to get out to say, open a gate, yeah, when you were driving. Right, okay, that never happened to me once growing up. We didn't even have a garden gate. No, so it's not our gate, but say you were going to a campsite,

and then we'd always do the drive away when the kid gets back to the door. Do you know what I mean? Oh yeah, that's that one, like, as you go to open it, you drive a little bit, yeah. I think that's a bit of fun. Yeah, it's great humor, and I think all children need to go through that.

But what isn't fun is driving away at 70 miles an hour, hiding for half an hour, then driving back. No, that isn't fun at all. My dad used to steal cutlery from restaurants. Did he? They liked a glass, if it was a nice glass, he'd steal that. And I hated it because I was on edge then for the whole meal,

thinking we're stealing and that's bad. Yes. And it's not funny. And I'd rather just save my pocket money up and buy that glass. Yeah. I don't even like that glass. And then whenever I'd go to the cupboard in the kitchen, see that glass, I'd remember it and it would worry me again. Oh God.

Overall. Do you know what? We've got pretty deep in this episode at points. I think I am a little bit, and I think we both are, we've been working quite a lot and we've had the kids off and I feel weird. It's just, I feel like mad. Like I feel like a mad, you know, I feel like a bit end of lockdown mad and like, it gives me flashbacks to lockdown of like, not having any gap to think. Yeah. Without having to sort of do your job or be a parent. You know what I mean? I mean, we need to go on a date

or something. We need to spend more time together. Those two or three days in Seville were just some of the greatest days of my life. I'm gonna say, I don't think it was about the headphones this morning. I think my breakdown might go deeper. I think I probably would have taken that better on other circumstances. Yeah, I've had a couple of moments where I've sort of lost the plot slightly. I genuinely, so for the listener, we've recorded these two episodes back to back. At the start of the second one when you said, you're right. And I thought, I'm not. I'm not either. I'm so tired. I don't know what

I think anymore about anything. Oh, God, I I'm fucked. Well now the kids are back in school It'll calm down. Yeah, I think this is your first summer. No, no you had that summer before I just wanna find my headphones That's all I've wanted to do and now you're gonna be left with your own thoughts all day because you can't put a song on I'm gonna have to go to Apple in Paris Paris. One hour to myself. After watching Hillsey Cancan at the Moulin Rouge. You're gonna need headphones for that. Why do you have to watch him? Why don't you believe it's a surprise for the show? It's him getting taught and it's sort of quite fun. He's getting taught because-

I'll be fun to watch. Yeah. And you need to kind of us being like Ant and Dec during the Bush Tucker trial situation if you know. Yeah. And chip in and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we'll be all right, Rob. Sorry. In a little bit of time, we're just you need to not be in Paris doing a live TV show every night for two weeks in a row. And it's only two hours to get back to London to go and buy some shoes and then go back to Paris again. Oh, God. But look, we are, we're obviously, we're very lucky because we love and we have a lovely life. But I feel like we're both a little bit frazzled.

We're not looking for sympathy. We're just very frazzled after. No. Summer holidays. We've had lots of fun with the kids, but it's been quite busy. And then obviously working as well, doubling out. I've been working a lot this week, like, time is just a bit like, I feel wild. I might need a pillow scream, Josh. Right, should we do one more, one more

correspondence and then small business, yeah? Okay, do you want this? A boomer. I thought you might like to hear about my husband's boomer parenting incident. We live on the southern coast in Australia. Seven years back, our daughter Ruby had two special guinea pigs who lived in our garden. Nice. I think this is going to be a modern boomer parenting, isn't it? In a cage with a run, which was sat on our lawn, one day, oh my god, Australia is mental,

Rob. Yeah, that is a bit unruly. One day, a python got into the cage. Oh, of course it did. Fuck here now. It proceeded to crush and then swallow poor Sparkle, leaving Angel carrying the corner and the python trapped, its swollen belly now preventing it from getting out. For fuck's sake, am I reading this now? In a way that's a metaphor for life, isn't it? Your swollen belly preventing you from leaving. Greed.

Trapped by its own greed. Trapped by saying greed and not for money, but for ego. The money, it's the ego that will trap you, your big belly of greed will keep you in the cage you once tried to enter. And the Python is Rob Becker and the cage is fame. Oh, my big belly's got me trapped. Because I'm greedy. Because straight down, I need it, but I don't want it. And the second guinea pig is the other TV show that he always thinks he should be doing. That one last step that will make his career complete. The other guinea pig's you.

Watching. Laughing. Oh dear. Pythons take a few days to process the food out for fuck's sake for the food in their system. So once Angel had been rescued, it remained in the cage on the lawn with a guinea pig shaped bump in its middle. When we had visitors or children came out to play, my husband Gary would ask if they wanted to see Ruby's guinea pig. Obviously enjoyed the spectrum of shock and thought it a great laugh, Ruby less so. I think it has toughened her up

or given us something to discuss in therapy. Love you both so much. Thanks for the show Elaine. Fuck it out. Jesus. I'm gonna say it Elaine, thank you for your email but it was the opposite of what I needed at this moment. Really did need that.

Small business? Let's go to a small business. Yeah. I need a little business called Rob goes into a room and sleeps and is left alone. I need a business called a pair of fucking headphones that for now represent whether I've got my life under control or not. Okay, here we go. Here we go.

Because if I find these headphones, suddenly I'll tell myself that I'm loving my life. Hi, Rob Josh. Love, love, love the podcast. I've been listening for the past few months and I find myself mentioning you two in conversations almost every day. Can't wait for your new standup show and looking forward to more smart TV episodes. I want to give a quick shout out to my friends at a raising wellness hub, Physico in Bromley. Oh, respect Bromley. They offer physio and rehab, reform of Pilates and yoga, personal training and one to one Pilates.

The team there is fantastic. They are the best in the business. They've got doctors, physiotherapists, osteopaths and some top notch Pilates and yoga instructors too. Anyone is in the Bromley area and is looking to help to recover from an injury, prevent an injury, get fit or just find a supportive fitness community. Physico, P-H-Y-S-I-C-O is the place to go. You can find them on Instagram at they've had a nightmare of gone give it to me at underscore never a good start. Fizzy, which is P H Y S I underscore co right. That's well P H I S Y. No P H I S I underscore co-Y. No, P-H-I-S-I underscore co. PHISI.

Thanks for reading this out. Have a wonderful day. Best wishes, Christina Yoliver. Go on Christina. Now, hello, I've been listening to your podcast from the start and it's helped me through lots of parenting puzzles. And its current role is to keep me sane

when doing the endless bedtime with my two-year-old. Thank you for all you do for us parents. Now, I would love it if you could give a small business shout out to one of my new mum friends from my five year old school. She started up her jewellery business after having two kids and dedicates her artistic talents to making beautiful jewellery inspired by

and for all women, not just mothers. She makes unique jewellery from breast milk. What? What? She makes unique jewellery from breast milk. I have a? She makes unique jewelry from breast milk. I have a necklace, which is my pride and joy. I know it sounds weird, but I promise it is beautiful. And has also recently started doing fingerprint jewelry too.

Not forgetting the fathers out there, she does cuff link fingerprints, which are just gorgeous. You can find her on Holly Hannah. That's H-O-L-L-I-H-A-N-A.com or Instagram, Holly Hannah Jewelry. Now, did you provide the breast milk? Is that what happens? I don't know.

The fingerprint pendants are actually quite nice. It's like they're pressed in, but I don't know how the old breast milk ones work, but Holly Hannah will let you know. Go on hollyhannah.com and find out. Breast milk jewelry. Jesus. All new, isn't it? All new.

Oh, it looks actually quite nice, basically. How do you turn breast milk into jewelry? Do you wanna know, Josh? Yeah, I do. Now, I won't bore you with nitty gritty, but below gives you an overview. First, I would ask for two times 10 mil of breast milk. Not a huge amount.

No, this could be frozen or fresh. It doesn't matter how long it's been in the freezer. It will still be perfect for creating a piece that you can treasure. I once spoke to a woman who had saved her last dash for 30 years. Now that's a bigger problem than the fucking jewelry. If you're storing up 30 year old milk.

Anyway, I receive your breast milk and take it through a process where it's eventually mixed with resin and poured into a mold to cure. This takes a few days. Your breast milk, it basically looks like little sort of resin stones. What colors the stone? Well, the one from this lady from 30 years ago is green.

No, I'm joking. It's a white, it's a white, creamy, milky color, Josh. Oh, lovely. They look really nice, but if someone, that's my breast milk. I go, oh, is it? It's definitely a talking point. See you next week. We'll be charged up.

We'll have a little rest. We'll all be good to go. Yeah? Yeah. Say it like you mean it, Josh. Yes! We'll be charged up, we'll have a little rest, we'll all be good to go. Yeah? Yeah. See you around. Sightlighted me, didn't it, Josh? Yes!

See you then. Bye.