Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S9 EP9: Topless Driving

Episode Date: September 24, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... You can sign up to get tickets for Josh's new stand-up comedy tour HERE Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Looking for a collaborator for your career? A strong ally to support your next level success? You will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca. From the executive producers of Lost.

This place will not break us. The Phenomenon returns to Paramount+. The only way we go home is together. From new season now streaming exclusively on Paramount Plus. Summer's here and you can now get almost anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? You can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get chicken Parmesan delivered. Sunshine? No. Some wine? Yes.

Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. markets see after details. Hello You're listening to parents in hell with Jasmine can you say Rob Beckett? Can you say Josh Whittaker? Robin can you say Rob Beckett? Can you say Josh Widicam? Josh Widicam.

Very good. Joshy Widicam. Do you know what I like to that? Do you know what put me off it? Robin. Robin as a name? Yeah. I've always felt and there's no reflection on that Robin. I always felt like... Which Robin? Well that was a kid called Robin.

Oh, that one there, sorry, I thought that was- Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I like a bit of Robin Hood. Yeah, yeah. Everyone did in the 90s, Brian Adams and such. Don't know, I've already felt like there's a bit of a class war between Rob and Robbins. Who's that person?

I've had a guy out there, son, called Robin, we didn't get their full name. Oh, shit, we haven't talked about it, sorry. Sorry, just absolutely Robin'd him off. Oh, Robin's a girl. No, that changes things. With a Y or an I? With a Y. Probably an R, come off. Oh, Robin's a girl. Now that changes things. With a Y or an I? With a Y. Probably an R.

Hey, bit of fun. Y or an I? Y. Yeah, I don't mind that. I mean, Y, why do you wanna know? I don't know, I don't know. I don't know why he sounds like Eric Volkerman. Something wise.

Ernie. He slipped this morning, oh, we've had a horrible warning this morning. I've had a terrible warning, Rob. This horrendous attitude. Let me read this out, let's slick this morning. Oh, we've had a horrible morning this morning. I've had a terrible morning, Rob. Just horrendous attitude. Well, let me read this out. Let me read this out. Here's my three little girls, Grace, Jasmine, and Robin,

giving the intro a go. When I recorded, they were five, three, and one. But by the time I've gotten around to sending it, they are six, four, and two. The story of my life and three kids, nothing ever gets done quickly. I've been listening since the beginning. To be fair, they're probably about nine now since how long it takes for them to

get to the top of the email. Well, I just looked. Classic Michael. Yeah. Obviously, it was sent 11 minutes past seven this morning. What, the actual clip? Yeah. Michael's chosen the most recent one. See, I like to think that, you know, in the sort of, you know, engine room of this podcast, Michael's got all of the clips laid out.

He's working through them from quality order. Yeah. And there's a real system in place. But now he's literally turned his computer on at seven and then email the top one over, which that sums up life. And good on him because he's working. That was a great clip. Keep sending them. I've been listening since the beginning. My middle daughter was born just a few days before the first national lockdown.

Oh, so with two under two, the pod was a real- National lockdown. National lockdown. Was there a couple of local ones before then? Yeah, I don't remember them. Two under two, the pod was a real lifesaver. My husband and I love the laughs and came to see the show Manchester

on a very rare child-free evening. Please keep doing what you're doing for all our sakes. Amy, 428 months. Do you wanna have a guess where they're from we've had a guest who lives here I think they went to the Manchester one I reckon who was the guest at Manchester Alex Brooker yeah where does he live Huddersfield there you go there you go I've got that no also can I just have a thank you to everyone that came to those arena shows because it was a real leap of faith

because what the fuck was it gonna be? Actually, I was very proud of it and it was a great show, but there was a point where I was like, oh God, this could be really bad. So thank you for anyone that took that leap of faith and I believe it was paid off. So they were great shows, but thanks for coming. Rob, on that, can I just quickly do a thing?

I've got to admit that this is now 9.28. Yeah, well, I started just 20 minutes late because my computer wasn't working. Yeah, no, that's fine. I needed that. I fucking needed that, if I'm honest with you, Rob. Really? What did you do with your 20 minute wait time?

Just chilled out by talking to Michael, which was what I needed. I'll come to my morning. My tour- So what's wedging your window up? One of Adrian's Just that why is that chisel a chisel? Yeah big old. What's he? What you got having that Michael Andrew statue in the garden? Why is that?

For a journey or is that big What's this chisel used for? That's calling the ball style, used for breaking concrete. Breaking concrete, thank you. Breaking concrete. I use it for breaking concrete, what an absolute ledge. You've removed it though, don't you? Well it's time to show it. No, no, no, I can hold it on there, it's got a little wedge that it holds on.

So where's Rose? Rose, she's just done the school run. Right, okay. So it's not just you and Adrian together? No it's not just me and Adrian. Oh my morning Rob is mental. Well Adrian's out there breaking concrete up, I'm sure this is harder. Well he's not breaking concrete, he's having to break concrete with his hands because you've got your silly fucking concrete chisel opening your window. Well I'd hope, I'd hope in the en suite bathroom of my daughter's room that there isn't much concrete to break. Oh what a life they've got en suite room, lucky kid. I know what a wanker.

But it is weird because it's an en suite room that you can walk into from my office or from her room so I kind of share it. It's like a Jack and Jill. Is that what it's called? I think it's got a Jack and Jill toilet, you know it's got two entries but But it sounds a bit perverted, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like some sort of fairy tale king, Jack and Jill, two entries. I'll be honest with you, Rob. What will happen is if I ever need to use it, I'll go in and my daughter can't reach the flush.

So there'll be a stinky something in there. Stinky piss. Stinky piss, fair enough. Have I ever told you about when I pissed in the outside toilet during winter when I was Greg up? I can't remember off the top of my head. We had an indoor toilet. All right, show off. Yeah All right, mate ivory towel Media elite fucking robin you fucking robin robin hood. We had an indoor toilet

Yeah, we also had an old outdoor toilet that kind of was just still there. Yeah. Yeah, and I went in there and it was like. Why did you go in there? Because someone was in the indoor toilet. Right. And it was the middle of winter. And when you're nine or whatever, you know, when you're an adult, you make a logical decision.

When you're nine, you go, yeah, I'm just gonna walk through the snow to go to an outdoor toilet because I'll do something weird. Do you know what I mean? And it was frozen. And frozen in it like a kind of corpse was an unflushed shit. I think it was. I must have told you. It was like a prehistoric ice age shit that had been frozen around. It pissed and I pissed on top of it

and it unfroze and the smell is still the worst smell I've ever smelled in my life. I think when we talk to that the worst smell I've ever smelled. Yeah, that'll be it. Sorry. No, it's great. It's great. It's just like hearing one of your favourite old songs. This is wonderful. Enjoy it. I mean, also as well, like, this is just us messing about. If anyone's going, right, I'm actually disgusting about this. They've said a story I've heard before. It's just unprofessional. Yeah, it is.

Yeah. It really is. Do you know what? I'll do it again in a year. Could I just say one thing I've got to do this morning, Rob? Oh, yeah, go on. My tour goes on sale halfway through the interview. Yeah, but you're not manning the phones, are you, for that? No, no, no, no. You're not in charge of the service.

No, no, no. I'm announcing it halfway through the interview, and I've forgotten my Instagram password, So our agent, our joint agent. No, no, no, no. So you're announcing it, putting up a clip or a post. A post on Instagram. So schedule it now. How do you schedule a post? Oh, fuck it.

Oh. Have you done the post yet? No. I've written it. Do you want to hear it? No, not really. OK, fine. They've gone.

No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, not really. Okay, fine So is it a photo or you're doing a real I've got a real coming but I thought I'd start with a poster Yeah, and a caption and the dates and then do the real later today to set it up as if you're gonna post it Okay. Yeah, and then do the real later today. So set it up as if you're going to post it, OK? Yeah. And then at the bottom, more options. Yeah. Schedule this real. Yeah. Click on that, and then schedule it when you want it.

OK, I'll do that. I've just got to get the artwork. Well, because you haven't got the artwork either. Well, because they were going to put it up for me, but they couldn't log in because I've changed my, I don't remember doing this, I've changed my password and currently I'm sending suggested passwords that my passwords do everything to a WhatsApp group of nine people that work at my agency, many of whom are quite junior.

And they could just cut and run. They could just go into my NatWest now if they wanted. I'm just batching out every password I've ever had. So basically when they send you the artwork, you'll just have to post it up? Yeah, yeah. But yeah, scheduled and post really helps. It's really good. Okay. But you haven't got anything to schedule yet apart from some words? No.

Have you thought about using Twitter? I've deleted Twitter because it's a bunch of crap. Are you worried that you won't sell any tickets and it's over? Yeah. But it goes on sale and then later on the day the office ringer goes, yeah Josh, no one's bought one. Yeah Josh, about the WhatsApp group, your main agent is now the person you'd never heard of that got added to the WhatsApp group. But she's super keen, she's been at the company a week so she really wants to impress. is now the person you'd never heard of that got added to the WhatsApp group.

But she's super keen. She's been at the company a week, so she really wants to impress. And I think it's a fresh start. I think we can rebuild from there. So you're no longer doing the big room up at the Soulful Lowry. But the foyer is good.

The foyer is great because the bar's close. You'll play less in production costs. You won't need a tour manager, obviously, because obviously the ticket sales won't cover his rate. So you'll just be driving yourself up there. You like a bit of alone time, don't you? You like to drive. You'll be fine, Josh.

Rob, my other stress, I woke up at eight. Oh. Eight. That's nice. I know, because we're all knackered, because we went away to a parents weekend away. So at the moment you're stressed because you had a lie in? No, I woke up and it was all too tight. Right. So what time did you have to leave the house for school run?

8.55 really. So the kids were still asleep were they? Oh yeah, because Rob, they're in my room. Oh yeah. Let's not, let's... Right, so everyone in your family woke up at 8am at the same time in the same room like the Brady Bunch. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Alright. And then I had to make pancakes.

What's going on with them in your room? What's the plan? Tonight, because we've got the cleaner coming today. Right, okay. And futon away. Futons have gone away. So that's a line in the sand. There are no futons. So tonight at about 9 o'clock you'll be getting the futons back out. Well, crucially I'm at a gig so it's not on me. Oh, okay. You're doing that, are you? The enforcement's coming when you're not there, gutless.

You're like David Cameron after the Brexit vote. Out and run. Futons away, daddies away. Actually, I will be back from the gig at about nine. But I might just walk around the block until I hit the... So futons away, and because obviously you went away for the weekend, so they would have been in your room again. Or did they stay in their rooms? Oh, Rob, Saturday night was tough.

So we went away to our friends. It's one of the parents at school. We all went to like a house, right? Yeah. And we were all four of us in a room. Was there another room for the kids or was it all the family was supposed to? No, there was just one family to each room. Which is fine room for the kids or was it all the family was supposed to do? No, there was just one family to each room. Right, okay, so that was fine. There was no like, you got to sleep in it.

It would be absurd for us to kick up a stink about needing more than one room when we don't need more than one room at home. Yeah, of course, absolutely. Yeah, because you'd put me there in the bed, all in your bed anyway. So, it was me and my daughter on the futons obviously and my wife and my son in the double bed. On holiday. One of the futons was child size. It just wasn't working out.

So a bit loads of room for you. This is good stuff. You've got to put away the easy chances. Just a bit of light hearted fun lads bands. A goal is a goal at the end of the day. They all count towards the golden boot. Exactly. It is a goal and it's a quick little easy slap on the arse. You're quite small, Bosch, let's carry on with the story. Get the ball out of the net, run back to the centre circle, put it on the spot. Let's go.

Let's go again, let's start 0-0. Come on team, focus. So you say futon, I've never heard the word futon as much as when I speak to you. What would you call them? Uncomfortable mattress? So when I go to places, normally it's sofa bed. So we haven't got a sofa bed in our bedroom. Right, so a futon.

Doesn't a futon go into a chair? Yeah, but we haven't got the chair bit. We've just got the kind of- The futon cushion. It's just a hard bit of mattress. Yeah, let me Google. So yeah, in my head, that's a futon, right? Where it's like a bit of wood

with a horrible mattress folded. Yeah, but you haven't got the wood. So you've just got that, what almost looks like a dead's in my head. That's a futon, right? It's like a bit of wood with a horrible mattress folded. Yeah, but you haven't got the wood. So you've just got that what almost looks like a dead body in a bag. Yeah, yeah. And it reacts like a dead body. Like when you're carrying it around to the loft, you put it away. That's so heavy and hard to maneuver. I always because it's two futons. I always try and carry one on each arm and I just can't do it.

I have to go one at a time. So these single futons you're dealing with. Yeah. So we had a double futon, me and my brother in our room and we used to sit on it and play PlayStation, like all three of us. And cause we just sit on there farting and eating and teenage, it actually stunk of shit by the end of it.

It was horrible. Well, it's not that bad. It's not as bad as that yet. And there were futons at this house as well. Yeah, but they were child-sized. So I had to go in the double bed with my wife and my son. Right. I didn't have a great night's sleep.

No. And then, because we were in the loft, there was a few windows without curtains. So you're up early. So we're up early. But the problem wasn't any of that, because that was fine. That was the best bit. It got to 10, right?

And there was loads of kids and the kind of correct agreement was, we're just gonna knacker the kids out and then they'll all go to bed. Right, okay, so just like no bed time. It's just impossible to go. Just getting collapsed and fall asleep. Yeah, it's just impossible to try and coordinate.

A bedtime. A bedtime. Yeah, because you waste the whole evening up and down the stairs. And it's difficult to say to your kids, your friends are staying down here, but we think it's your bedtime. Do you know what I mean?

I've got this gaming PC thing, and I want to do some streaming and playing some computer games. But by the time the kids receive, it's half nine. I'm like, I'm knackered now. Yeah. By the time I've had a yogurt and watched a bit, there's nothing left.

I'll be bed at 10. Yeah, I know. It's embarrassing. So this is where I was I found myself I wanted to go to bed at like quarter past 10. Yeah. I was waiting up because my daughter all the kids were still up. This is the first time I've ever been waiting up for my daughter so that I can go to bed. So your son had gone to sleep by this point? No he was ready to go to bed. Yeah.

But my daughter was watching floor is lava. Oh yeah, yeah, kids love that. So they were playing that. They were watching it. Because you're balancing it because you're like, now you're just sat watching the floor is lava with a load of kids. You're like, well, are we having an evening?

Well, I wasn't even watching the floor is lava. I was just kind of going. What are the other parents doing? Like getting pissed and having a great time. Yeah. That's the issue, isn't it? I'd had a really good time, but I'd burned out. If you're not drinking, everyone's tired by 10.

Yeah. And also what you can't do there is if you were the only ones with kids, you could go, Rose, I'm a bit knackered. You stay up and have a night of it. I'll tell you to the kids, it's bedtime now, come to bed with daddy. Yeah. And you could get into bed with them and put them to bed. But then you can't do that if there's other kids there they're having a great

time yeah yeah you've just got to see it out you just got to watch the floor is lava sober you just got to watch the floor is lava sober while everyone else has a great time so what time did you get to bed about 11 yeah half 10 11 by the time they got to sleep and obviously they're so fucked that it's a really tough bedtime because they're quite emotional and they're all aggy yet and he was up early Sunday morning and we're up early Sunday morning which was it was lovely though went to a we drove back went to the jumble trail in Clapton what's the jumble trail people put jumble sale stalls outside their house and then you walk around the area right a load of old shit which basically

a boot sale but the middle class version of it. The reason it started was there used to be a jumble sale, but then due to COVID, they couldn't all go in one place. So people did it outside the houses. Right. And now it's stuck. What's there in a jumble sale and a boot sale? Cars. One's in a car boot. So that's the one we used to go to as kids. And my dad did the car boot sale quite a lot. Would you have a table and a car boot. So that's the one we used to go to as kids. And my dad would do the car boot sale quite a lot. Would you have a table and a car boot? You'd have the table and the car boot. So you'd basically, it was like whatever you could fit in your car boot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then have a table. We used to do loads of car boot sales. Yeah, I liked a car boot sale. I'd like to go to one now actually. That can be arranged. That could happen. Anyway, long story short, I get up this morning, panic, get rid of the futons. Basically, it was just like, go, go, go, go, short, I get up this morning, panic, get rid of the futons. Basically it was just like go, go, go, go, go, go. Yeah, you're up against it because you've got to leave at 8.55 and they've got to get dressed and fed. And I'm like, then I've got five minutes.

It's quite late though, isn't it? So what time do they start school? Half nine. That's fucking late, isn't it? I know. Half nine till four, but it beats the traffic. Jesus, that's late. Is it nicer, karma start? Yes, it is much nicer. Hours can be dropped from eight o'clock till... Oh, they can be dropped from eight o'clock? Right. If you pay for Breakfast Club. Yeah, no, so eight o'clock is not

Breakfast Club. Hours is from eight between like eight and like eight thirty five. Anything after... so you can drop them at half eight. Right, yeah. Between eight and eight thirty five, but there is earlier if you want to pay for Breakfast Club It's free from 9.15 to 9.30. So you can drop them 9.15 to 9.30. Because obviously you don't drop on the dot. I bet you always get there just at 9.30, don't you? No, I'm quite good actually. I like it.

I've got a back route, Rob. Just shaved a bit of time off my driving. Yeah, well, why the easy chances, Rob? Well, I was with a friend of ours, the producer of Smart TV, and she said she was walking along, she saw you driving and beeping at her, saying hello. And she said, and I sort of semi-agree with her, she finds the idea and the image of you driving strange. People do say that it doesn't suit me.

Like you driving, because I saw you drive through our house once, I don't like it. It doesn't work for me, does it? When I see behind the wheel, I'm like, oh, I don't suit me. Like you driving, because I saw you drive through our house once, I don't like it. It doesn't work for me, does it? When I see behind the wheel, I'm like, oh, I don't like that. And I don't know why. It's not like you're reckless or that. I don't know, I just feel like, oh, God, here he comes.

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In fact yesterday I was parking outside my friend's house. The gap was too small. I'd gone in about three times and I was like this is a disaster. I looked over my shoulder and the guy across the road was watching and we caught eyes and it was the brother of my friend Henry Packer. It was his brother. Oh yeah. And it just happened to live on the same road and he was watching me fail to park a car. Is it a bad one? I just couldn't get in Rob. I just can't parallel park. Are you a good parallel parker?

I'm alright but after doing that episode of Driving with Ramesh when I had to drive a geared car and I failed, my confidence really took a knock. Is there a technique? Could someone write in, I know this is boring, and just tell me what the technique is? Like is there an amount of turns? Do I go hard at the start? I thought you were supposed to line up your wing mirror with their wing mirror. Yeah, I do that. And then turn the wheel. How much?

Half the way. That was not enough confidence. Please can someone just give me a description of what you're meant to do for a parallel park? Well, one thing I do know about parking is, and I've never done it and I see people do it and I've never seen it work, is when the gap's quite big, some people go,. Oh fuck it. I'll just go in front ways

And if it's a parallel park, they'll just try and sort of drive this input You can't know you have to go in backwards But that's all I know is you cannot go in front ways parallel parking But I've seen people try and all your watches and to realize that they can't do it and then they've tap out I don't understand why I was because of the turn of the front wheels seeing people try and all you're watching is them to realise that they can't do it and then they'll tap out. I don't understand why. Oh, it's because of the turn of the front wheels. So if Rose does a school drop, does she still do it on the bus then?

She did taxi this morning because it was late. It does add an extra level of like uncertainty, doesn't it, trying to get a taxi, does it? No, no, because she pre-books. You can pre-book a black cab. From my mate, Respect, actually. On one of the apps. The kids all right though, was it? Just because you woke up?

Yeah, it was fine. It was just, I had to do the futon stuff because the cleaner's coming. I had to do the, like, it was just like, I've got to get everything done before the, so I was delighted when you were late. Oh, so actually I've done a good thing. You've done a great thing.

The universe works in your favor. Yeah, I was trying to sort out my bloody tour. They're taking one of the dates off, Rob. Why? Because I got tickets to our aces on that day. And I was like- Oh, but it's not gone on sale yet, that's fine. It's not gone on sale, it's fine.

But you do feel for the person that's organized the tour. Shout out to Katie. For you and your whims. Yeah. Our morning this morning was hard work. So- Oh, talk to me. Well, just basically, like, we have to leave the house

at about quarter eight, but then there's been some basically like, we have to leave the house at about quarter eight, but then there's been some road works and we were actually a little bit earlier, but it's quite an early start up and out quarter to eight. My youngest was just like, so when they're going to PE, they wear the PE uniform in for the whole day now. They're like a hangover from COVID. They're basically, it's like a t-shirt and a jumper,

and then either a pair of shorts or a pair of jogging bottoms and they can wear what they want, either or kind of thing. So it was like, oh, here's your shorts and we'll put your jogging bottoms in the bag in case you get cold. She just sat at like quarter to seven, seven, just sat outside her bedroom crying, just in her pajamas going, I don't like it.

The shorts are too cold and the jogging bottoms are too wooly. I agree, I agree, I agree on the jogging bottoms. Yeah, I know, but I was like, but that's what it is. It's not for them, it's really, it's unfair because their older sister, when they get older, they're slightly better pair of jogging bottoms because they actually do sport

when they're like the higher up years. They're actually like playing like football or hockey, not like throwing a bean bag for 20 minutes. When I ask my daughter what she does in PE, I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? She has like low blood sugar. And then she was like a bit rude. So basically she lost her iPad for the Saturday.

Oh. And we went, if you keep this up, you're losing it for Sunday. And then we was like, there'll be a chance for you to get it back later in the week, but at the moment you do not have an iPad on Saturday. It's a great game show you run in your house. It's about as long as you bet.

Never ends. Can you name, to get your iPad back, all of the tube stations on the jubit. Never ends. Can you name, to get your iPad back, all of the tube stations on the Bakerloo line in reverse? Oh, Josh, I had an ice cream at the weekend. It was so good. Oh yeah, I talked to her. Because I've been eating quite well. Finally, we're covering the big issues.

No, it was so good. It was like a Mr. Whippy, but like a Kinder Bueno special that had a Kinder Bueno stick in it with a flake. And then like, Kinder Bueno flavor. You know, they have like a sauce, which is like normally like garish strawberry. It's horrible. This was actually like, it literally was like liquidized bueno in a sauce and he put some in the cone. Then he put the whoopee on top, then put some sauce on the top of the whoopee with the things in.

And I said in front of Lou and her parents, like cause was so why have you put this kilo back on good question I'll have to read I love to look through my fitness app so start to make sense that I did have four pints right and I've apart from that they're really on it I said to little Lou this is this is amazing I think this has changed my life this ice cream it's sort of I thought ice cream yeah don't mind it now I'm like this is unreal and I said if this sauce was on a dick I'd lick it off right it's a bit of a fun yeah yeah yeah just a bit of a balance. I just said in front of Lou's parents and grandparents. Oh, grandparents? Yeah, yeah. Oh maths is one to talk to you about my daughter's in year four I can't do a maths homework.

Year four, fucking hell. But it's like long multiplication and you know when you have like you can't use a calculator you've got like go one off the two hold the ten transfer the five over like that and she was just saying like what do I do? I just and I just had to say I just don't know. Yeah. Literally tapped out of it now Lou's having to do it Lou don't really know either. She was on like. Rose has tapped out of maths. Yeah. Basically year two so my daughter had her first ever maths homework. She didn't get homework. She had to just read her book in year one was her homework. So it was her first ever maths homework.

And Rose, it was almost like there was no discussion that this is my domain. We've basically drawn a silent line in the sand with homework that Lou does it it all and I don't. I think it's a two way street, the silent line in the sand, where I'm not really bringing it up and Lou's not really bringing it up because when I have tried to help in the past, especially because at my dyslexia, I was doing it wrong and I was actually making it worse.

I was I was actually leading my daughter astray. So when she was trying to do the homework, I was telling her to do it incorrectly because I wasn't understanding the instructions. Yeah, it's difficult, man. But I don't think you can beat yourself up because you've got enough maths to deal with your life. Well, I know exactly, but that's not how education works. But I do feel like, I feel like I was emailing the teacher

and going, I can't help her with it. Could I come in? But I just said to her, in the end, I was like, well, look, No, no, no, I don't mean that she you shouldn't care about it. Because you've got enough to deal with your life. No, no, no, I didn't care about it. But I just literally can't do it. So I need to do a course.

But I said, I don't need to do a course. My daughter's getting a bit upset about it. And I went, look, the end of the day, just answer them. It's a couple of questions. You ever get them wrong? Yeah. You get them right. It don't matter.

Put in some letters and numbers, whatever they're asking for. Try your best. And if you ain't right, and if you ain't right, they'll tell you a score why it isn't. It's a couple of questions. It don't matter. Just get it done and let's enjoy our weekend. Right, I'm gonna go in on a point here, Rob.

Go on. I'm not sure the energy's right here. So the words, just get it done. I'm not sure that's calming the situation. Just get it. Well, I'm just like, look, you don't enjoy doing it. Oh'm not sure that's calming the situation. Just get it Well, I'll just like look you don't enjoy doing it. Oh, I got some visitors. It's Adrian Yeah, grab some here he comes. Oh, yes, please Adrian can Adrian hear me? No, he can't know. Oh, there is a location

He's got a sort of a paint splattered t-shirt on backwards cat classic. I've been worried about good cat Josh I'll talk to you about this? Yeah yeah. I've been wearing a backwards cap because my hair's getting a bit longer and it's more if I'm doing sport right, like if I'm at the gym. Just don't get a hair band. Exactly and it's not really long enough for a hair band but if I just wear a cap and I don't want to have a cap like down because I can't really see when I'm playing football or whatever and I just have it back to keep my hair out my eyes right when I'm sweating. Which has been fine, no one's really brought it up not no one's given me any sick for it and stuff. However, I have been getting into road rage. Oh, not

me. I'm a fairly chill driver. Yeah. And I never get any road rage. I never get angry. I just my dad used to get quite angry. So I've made a conscious decision that I don't and I let it I breathe through it. I've never got angry. However, no one's ever really got angry with me either, like ever. You know, it's just the way I drive. Anyway, I've been wearing a Banggood's cap.

I've been like sort of pulling over and driving in the same way, but I think because they see me with a Banggood's cap on, they'll see they actually immediately hate me. So I got like fucking prick. Oh my word. Fucking get out of the way wanker. I'm not driving any differently.

One guy, like I pulled over and I just went, like pulled down the swing, I just went Swats! And like the only difference maker is the backwards cap. That's fascinating. I just think though, if you see anyone with a backwards cap, you're backed up with certain people. Yeah, totally and understandably. It's just mad.

Yeah, I'm on their side. If I was caught up by a man with a backwards cap, I'd be all over it. I was doing another thing this summer. Tell me what you think of this. Oh no. When I was going to gym, I didn't have like stuff with me.

I was just wearing my gym clothes. My top would be soaking wet sweaty. So on the 20 minute drive back. Topless drive. Topless drive. Is that not bad for the seat? Yeah, but- You're not getting your sweat on the seat. But it's leather. It's a leather seat. Is that not bad for the seat? Yeah, but- You're not getting your sweat on the seat.

But it's leather, it's a leather seat. Oh, it's a leather seat, yeah. It's a leather seat. And then my top's off, and then I have windows open. And you're blasting out summertime by Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. And I've got my backwards cap on and my tits out, and I'm Brat girl.

Brat girl summer. I've got a bit of chapel road on. H-O-T-T-O-G-O. Anyway, so I've been doing that as well. How do you feel about the topless drive? I think it's weird. Yeah, me too. I'm into it. I hate the topless jog. I hate the topless jog. Oh, I'd never topless jog.

That is, I'd say, the worst thing anyone could do. Not with the amount of ice cream I'm eating. By the way, we're supposed to be doing topless photos with Mike Bubbins on the 1st of January, but I think that's a terrible decision Why don't we do it before Christmas? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's do it on December 15th Yeah December the 15th. I've been sent before Christmas festivities kick in. Yeah, that's a good idea

I think that's a great idea. That is my daughter's birthday that day though. So could I do it another day? So it's not like I'm just like getting my tits out on the internet on her birthday. Yeah. Fine What day do you want to choose? What about Monday the 9th? Of December? Yeah. We've got a parenting hell record in our diary, so we could do it then. Let's do it topless.

Let's do it topless. And why don't we get Mike Bubbins on the show again? We'll do the whole podcast topless. Oh yeah, we could do topless Mondays. Topless Mondays. Christmas special. Text Bubbins now and see if he can do the night for December topless. Get ready to uncover your potential with the all new LG Gram Pro laptop.

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Get your LG Grand Pro today. Pro, anytime, anywhere. Any other news? I'm just trying to work out what else has been happening in my life kid wise. Yeah, so we went back to school. Oh, yes. That has been successful. She loves her new teacher.

Yeah, it was a bit of a stressful first week, but now I feel like we're back into the rhythm and I'm getting my life together, Josh. Yeah. I'm just texting Bubbins. That was quick. Well, I just put, topless f of parenting hell, December the 7th, question mark. 9th. 9th, that's what I wrote. 7th? Where did that come from? I don't know.

7 and 9 are quite similar numbers, aren't they? Like odd, high. Yeah, I get them confused quite a lot. That's why I didn't get the James Bond gig. Oh, this is good stuff. 009, sorry guys, sorry. I'm a bit nervous in the audition, just getting the numbers confused.

I wouldn't want to give each other oral sex with you around well 67 67 would just be sort of quite stiff neck wouldn't it so my yeah, maybe it would be menu. Yeah Get some bloody bueno down there. Let's enjoy Okay my fair share it On it oh God anyway, it's actually been fine the weekend flew by because of this Get them bino salts on it. Oh God. Anyway, it's actually been fine. The weekend flew by because of this thing.

Me and Rose now have, this probably makes me sound like I'm a hundred years old. But if we have to do a drive on a Saturday, we'll time it between one and 3 p.m. ideally. Cause then Pick of the Pops is on radio too. Has your camera stopped working? No, no, I'm just processing. Yeah, it's been fun doing this show.

Pick of the Pops is my favorite radio show on earth. Is that Paul Gavirchini? I'm only joking. No, it used to be. It's Mark Goodyear. What happens? I mean, I should know. I'm on the radio. You should know. You listen, obviously. You have it on all the time. Mate, I'm listening to Talksport.

You're listening to Chappelle Rones. No, do you know what? I am obsessed with Talksport. I talked to her about Talksport. She texted me earlier saying how much she loved Talksport. I love it. We had quite a stressful morning getting out of the house. We were all arguing and kicking off about stuff.

Blood sugar. I don't want to eat this. Anyway, I get in the car, driving to the office and I put Talkspawn, Ali McQuist, like Andy Townsend. We've got to get him on, we've got to get him on. Ali McQuist, it's Andy Townsend. There's been some internet problems. Ali McQuist isn't at his desk,

he's doing it from the Glasgow today. Anyway, Ali McQuist booms on. Oh, sorry I'm late, there's a deer stuck in my garden so I've just filmed it. And he's being funny about itQuay's booms on. Oh, sorry I'm late. There's a deer stuck in my garden, so I've just filmed it. And he's being funny about it. He's having a laugh. They talk about the most dangerous animal in the UK, actually a cow.

Oh yeah? Yeah, not the adder, because cows, you know, interact with people more and they're big and they're heavy and powerful. Yeah, I think that's true. And then, this is what I love most about it all. I love Alan McQuay's Sounding Townsend,

don't get me wrong, but football fans ringing up on a Monday, and especially if it's like Man United or Tottenham or a team like that as an Arsenal fan, when their team's lost and they ring up with an absolute head loss and they're so angry over, let's face it, it's not that important football. I love football as much as you, but if you lose, you lose. I want Arsenal to win and do well, but- How quickly are you over it when Arsenal lose? Honestly, even when Saka missed that penalty,

as soon as I turned my back and started walking down the stairs and took the flare out my arse, I was fine. Yeah. But even if we win, like, you know, the next day, you know, I'm over it and stuff. So hearing football fans lose their head and getting goaded by the presenters. I love it Josh. Yeah. I love that. I love people and their idiosyncrasies and their emotion,

either good or bad or whatever, more so the music. I hear the melody in life, Josh, not through instruments. Oh my God. Oh my God. So what, you're listening to Pick of the Pops. So what do they pick out the Pops? How does the show work? They do the top 20 each hour is a separate year. They do this week that year. So they do this week in 1994. Right. So the actual week that it is. Yeah. So they'll go September and then they'll play through the top 20. That's a good idea.

It is a good idea. I'm sure it's a great show, Josh. And I'd love to listen, but planning your actual drives, journey to run, and then the kids must be like, oh, fucking hell, dad. No, because they've got their iPads on. Oh, yeah, so we don't do iPads in the car. They get sick. They love it.

So they're watching whatever they're watching, you know. Where did you go on Saturday? We went to near St. Albans. Oh, not too far then? No, not too far. It's an hour. It was very pleasant indeed. Did you try and delay the journey to get the full two hours of Piccola Pops in? We went to near St Albans. Oh, not too far then? No, not too far. It's an hour. It was very pleasant indeed.

Did you try and delay the journey to get the full two hours of Pickle the Pops in? No, we did just an hour and a bit. I think old people do love familiarity, no offense. Well, that's the thing, isn't it? Young people will be streaming something raw in their car. That's not on the Insta- Well, old people are creatures of habit,

but I think older people get used to that habit for longer. Yeah. You know what I mean? Young people will be like, they've just done it for 40 years, but like Radio 4 are talking about, you know the pips at the top of the hour? I didn't even know about this until today. They're like,

beep, beep, beep, beep. And that used to give you the exact time when it was on radio. But now because people are streaming and it's not actually bang on the hour because there's always a delay. And they might be removing the pips because actually it doesn't serve the purpose it once did.

The whole point would be like back in the day, if you had a clock in your office, you'd be like, what time is it? Oh, let's listen to radio four and then we can time it with a pip so that that clock's exactly right. This is before the internet and ringing up the talking clock.

Remember the talking clock? Yeah. Mental, you had to ring a number, one, two, three, and it'll tell you the exact time. I know, it was sponsored, wasn't it? It was like the time sponsored by thingy. Lily Henry did it once for Comet Relief. So they were talking about getting rid of that and I was like, who actually cares about the pips? But there's people out there that love the pips.

People love the pips and they're the kind of people that listen to Radio 4. Time to move on though. Time to move on. Life changes. But you like Pick Up The Pops. Good for you. Why don't you host it? Do you know what? I'd love to host it. This is my second call. Get me on hosting Pick Up The Pops. Get Ali McQuist on Parenting How. These are the two things.

And you wanted to do Inside The Factory, didn't you? But then you realized Paddy McGuinness got it. Paddy McGuinness got it. And to be honest, Rob, I don't think I would enjoy it as much as I enjoy watching it. Inside The Factory? Yeah, I don't actually enjoy those long days filming away from home. I the factory? Yeah, I don't actually enjoy those long

days filming away from home. I think at quarter to six and you've just got a hairnet on, so you go in to watch Cornflakes be made again. Oh god. For a wide shot. Yeah yeah yeah. TV's not as quick moving as you think it is when you watch it, let's put it that way. And you'd have to really pretend to care. Yeah and like also when you've got your downtime, you're just on an industrial estate. Do you know what I mean? It's not like you go, oh, at least I'm filming in Monaco with Lewis Hamilton like you and Ramesh. You're doing that. And then you're like, where are you? And I'm like, I'm in the McVitie's factory on the outskirts of Coventry for three days.

Well, I can't, this is your personality. You'll manage to get depressed about it and you're for three days. Well, I can't, this is your personality. You'll manage to get depressed about it and you're not even doing it. I know. You're just depressed yourself thinking about that. Right, let's do a couple of good emails. Yeah, boy. Someone dropped into my DMs, Rob.

Oh, hello. To say what's the email address, because they had a great Schoolyard Shaggers, which we're trying to collect for a special episode. Michael, could you say what the email address is? It's in every single episode description. There's 400 and something examples to find that email. It's quicker to do that than to DM you which you have to do several. Yeah and what is it? Hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk. Oh I like this. Sexy and angry Michael.. Michael, I know what's got on your nerves

at the moment actually, is the amount of people that are having a go at you mainly for putting in the old intro to Parent In Hell that no one likes with the alarm and the dogs barking and things like that. And that was only for like one episode, because I saw some of the comments and I was like, oh, bloody hell, maybe he's done that.

They seem to go mad about this. So how many episodes was it on there for? It was just the one episode, but I think obviously people are listening at different times. So it felt like the train of correspondence felt like maybe it was there for longer. It wasn't, it was just one episode. I just like to keep people on their toes.

I like to remind them of how good they've got it. And that's what it could be like. Yeah, sometimes change is good. Yeah, is that why you did it? What happened? No, I was in New York and I didn't have the hard drive with the new version on, so... And keeping them on the toes.

Michael's got fucking about this morning. Right, let's do a couple of these stories. I've got some boomers here, Josh. Yeah, hit me with a boomer. Hi Robin Josh. I have a story for you that relates to your question about if a family has to pay to visit a graveyard with an entry fee, but it also ties in with a childhood graveyard trip my own potentially boomer parents took me on. Is this when I went to Highgate Cemetery and I had to pay to get in?

Yes, imagine it's free for family members, isn't it? I think you get a certain amount of free family members. It's like permit parking vouchers if you live in central London. Here we go, this is from Sana from Dundee. When I was about 10, my parents used to take me to graveyards on holiday to look for information for their family tree.

Jesus Christ. Fucking hell. On visiting a cathedral in Scotland, we were told we could get free entry if we were visiting family graves. On finding the grave, it was one of those ones that is a stone slab on stone legs, so there's a space underneath between the slab

and the earth. My dad said, oh, what's that sticking out of the earth? And proceeded to dust off a jawbone full of teeth. What? He then started pointing out some other bones casually popping out to say hello. Oh my fucking God. I think I just touched my ancestor, he said.

What? So sometimes this happens, the bones come up because of, you know, the soil. Oh my god. On thinking he was doing the right thing, he went to the porter cabin to tell the visitor assistant the concerning news. The assistant was sitting nonchalantly drinking a cuppa and casually swung a door open to a cupboard by his feet and said, oh yeah, the flooding has brought them all to the surface.

Oh my fucking god. We just shoved them all in here and proceeded to show us his cupboard that was full of a mix of people's bones. Oh my God. This is a great story. My dad, not wanting his ancestor to join the orgy of bones in this guy's cupboard, went back to the grave

and pushed his ancestors back into the earth with his finger. Oh my God. Job well done and all witnessed by a 10 year old me who is now quite a fan of a wander in a graveyard. Also what a depressing holiday. They're from Scotland, they're in Scotland visiting graves after a flood.

Yeah, fucking hell. Come to a soft play will ya? Can you not have the fantastic, can you not have the fantastic work? You both bring a smile to my face on the daily. Saw you both in Manchester and I've got tickets for you, Robin. Edinburgh wrote E and we'll be grabbing tickets

for you, Josh, when they are announced. Stay sexy and relatable. Well, I'll tell you something about that. I've just got the artwork through and I'm just trying to work out how to do a post. Why don't you do it as a reel instead of a picture? Cause a reel will work better, Josh. Well, I've got a reel, which is the poster animated.

Yeah, but you're allowed more than one reel. This isn't podcasting. Right, let me do another one while you do that. Michael, leave it in, though. Right, I'm gonna do another boomer parent in. Hi, Rob and Josh, whenever I go away for a trip, I'm forced to leave the house at 1 p.m. and I'm forced to be locked into my device,

so my old man, granddad, dad, listens to Pick of the pops. Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. Please could you do a small business shout out to my amazing sister-in-law who runs The Pencil Nerd, a one-woman show making geeky, funny, zeitgeisty, millennial and personalized pencils out of her home in Gateshead. Have a look at her wares on Instagram at the pencil nerd.co. Lovely. Get in touch if you're a proper pencil nerd like Pepe Nana

and have a favorite pencil to take to bed. Stay sexy lads love Kayleigh 472 months. Mam to Rowan 13.75 months. There we go. There you go. The pencil nerd. Right. We've run out of time because Josh did too much

of his own promo. So we'll do more soon. No, no. Don't do that to me. No, let's do a quick one. Good morning, Rob, Josh and Michael. Please could I request a small business shout out for my lovely friend Rosie's small business, Mumento.

Like for memento, but Mumento. She uses 3D printing and scanning to make bespoke pregnancy postpartum and mum and baby sculptures. They really are a beautiful keepsake. She recently quit her job to go full time. She is based in the Lincolnshire area and you can find her on Facebook at mummento, M-U-M-E-N-T-O and Instagram, mummento underscore sculptures. Love the podcast, it's helped keep me company

on the endless pram naps for my little one, Lauren and Arthur. Thank you very much. Good luck with mummento. Josh, I'll see you next week. Okay, and we can pick the bones out of your torso. Oh my god. Bye. Bye. I'm Max Rushton. I'm David O'Doherty. And we'd like to invite you to listen to our new podcast, What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a show that asks guests the big question, quite literally, what did you do yesterday?

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I'm really downplaying it. Like, what did you do yesterday? Like I'm just, I'm just a guy just asking a question, but do you think I should go bigger? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? Every single word this time, I'm gonna try and make it like it is the killer word.

What did you do yesterday? Like, that's too much, isn't it? That is, that's over the top. What did you do yesterday? Available wherever you get your podcasts every Sunday. I'm Natalie Cassidy and I've been wanting to do a podcast of my own for a very long time. And here it is. I'm going to be talking each week to family, friends, most importantly, you. I want to talk about the issues that are bothering me, things that make me smile and how we get through that washing basket without having a nervous breakdown. This is a podcast for the general public, for the normal people.

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