Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - 3 Baby Ruths

Episode Date: January 1, 2018

Bobby Kelly and guests Liz Russo, Mike Feeney and Paul Virzi go over their plans for 2018 along with surprise drop ins Rich Vos and Joe List! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, Riotcast.com. This podcast is brought to you by BOMFEL. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is going to be a clush to fight. This podcast has no rules. What are the mic-ass holes? I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic?

No! What the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic-head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and yapping. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's having no topics, no directions. I love doing it.

No! Side to the coin. I don't know what a host does. You love a partner. You want to do anything. My podcast is a popular one. I might affect somebody's motherfucker. You want to do anything? My podcast is a pop-up. I might affect some of these lives.

You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on lightcast.com. Stop the new awesome. New year off to a shit fucking year. Happy 2008, dude. 18. 18, sorry. Who said 8?

Who said 8? Who said 8? Can you draw all of these down? Oh God. You weren't, you're not wearing your headphones. Okay, we can take the glasses off. Thank you. It's so cool.

Wow. Yeah. Fucking A. What? We made the movie. We made the cut. What movie? In Louise movie. We're in Louise movie.

Someone saw it last night. I knew that four months ago. Now we made the cut? Yeah. Oh, someone said they weren't sure if we made the cut. Who said that? Joe Lissk. Cause he saw it in the beginning, like,

a first cut or something. Yeah. No, we didn't. Yeah, it was good. You saw it? No, I didn't see it. Oh. I talked to him. Who, Joe? No, Louie't, I was good. You saw what? No, I didn't see it. I talked to him. Who would you call?

No, Louie. Louie Ho. Louie, the guy who made the movie. I'm not saying Louie, we can't say his name anymore, Louie. Flacon, huh? No, Louie CK. Can't say his name. Yeah, you can.

Okay. You're a can on this fucking podcast. What a day, fucking Yannis. Where's Yannis's bring him up now I want to fucking have it out with him Clark suckers on his phone comes on my podcast on his fucking phone and then I got yelling for the phone Then he walks out beating a fucking shwama I think he honestly came to say hi to you and thought that you couldn't eat when you're on the podcast

No, you what what is the first? Well, why would you eat on a podcast? Who eats on fucking podcast? You sound like you're eating on a podcast. Who eats on a podcast? Second of all, he knows why we can't eat here. Why? Okay, I didn't. You'll tell us later. Huh?

Yeah, I'll tell you later. He walks in the worst food, Shwama, the most messy sandwich in the planet. And it smells. I don't care about this. I actually think it smells beautiful. I don't eat red meat. Huh?

I don't eat red meat. Oh, we can't eat up here. Let me bring a shwama up. Hey, Paul, you're not supposed to eat up here. Hey, it's shwama. You're scaring all these new comics. They're fucking not new. He's not new.

She's been in jail for a year. I don't think she was in jail. You know what? Listed our radio show and we came to the conclusion she wasn't in jail. Okay, well, let's do that on our let's just not go to the end of the story on my show. How's that? And stop. Oh my god, you are fat. That could have been one night. I was fat and drunk. That looks like me and a wig. Do you always end up on you? No. No. Oh, yes, I should actually. How many people don't believe you

that you have that ready to go? I need boss to be here. No, but there's the thing. That could be just from one night in city. In city? I want some wee questions. Are you just saying? I was dropping words out of sentences.

In city. You know, rush. No, in city, Joe. County? No, counties. Cities first in county. I brought, I brought, I also brought my, I brought my uniform. Oh, no counties. Cities first and county. I brought I brought my I brought my uniform from prison. I ordered one of those offline to From black people. Yeah, but smell the crutch.

Brings me back. You try to get fucking putter again black and fucking white girl snatched smell out of a fucking jumpsuit. and fucking white girl snatched a lot of fucking jumpsuit. Um, whoo, who's a shot caller? Um, Merchable, Merch Pump right now, we got the greatest hoodies in the world. Go check out Merch Pump for the YKWD hoodies and these shirts. Laffable is the app you go to if you love podcasting. Go down, go down, I can't speak. Download Laffable right now. And then the last episode, holy shit dude.

Let me tell you something. We got kicked off of the internet again. We got kicked off YouTube again. The last episode, we got kicked off. Cause I had a fucking, I can't get too into it. Nippaul. Cause it were alive in the, you know. But we had a strip, a porn star come in who we had Yankee Swap and my gift was going to be a slap dance, a double slap dance, $20

to tap. You're going to give her a dance? No, I'm not giving her a dance. I don't know a lot about this. Go ahead. I'm trying to explain it. It's not a game show where you have to guess as I talk You can just patiently wait to the end of the story and all the info will be there for you. Can't wait. She wasn't a porn star

Buddy, yeah, dude. She walked in goes. I'll fuck everybody's dick. You can piss in my mouth She said I like everything. I like everything. Yeah, I'll stick it. I'll stick my fingers in all your asses That's a porn star. I mean, I would know if I put star next to it, but yeah, she's big. She's big in the biz. Yeah. Well, I mean, a lot of guys jerk off to her. Dan knows who she is. Lewis knows when those are work. I mean, a lot of people, is she a real like a girl or a a tranny or because what you said, it sounded like a tranny the way you go. She's a girl.

It was a girl. She's, what are I saying? The way you said it, you said sounds a tranny or because what you said it sound like a tranny the way you go. She was a girl. She was, what did I say? The way you said it, you sounded tranny on it. You went, oh, it also looked your dick. I said you said it. I was trying to do my not white girl impression. Oh. I don't want to go outside to everybody's dick.

It's a nice day. I was like, I'll suck dick. You know, I was trying to do a character. Yeah, you were shutting it up. No, straighten it up. I was trying to do a character. Yeah, you were shocked. Straighten it up. No, straighten it up. I was trying to do my Dominican point star. Oh, that's her. She comes in, oh my God, she came in, she was fun.

It was great. The Yankee Swap was a good time. And then Lewis said something, I know, Lewis wasn't even joking or being mean. He just asked a little ginormy question. She took it the wrong way. What was I, your father rape you. What a fan is a porn star.

Well apparently when you call her a hooker. Oh, oh, is that? Yeah, there is a fine line between a porn star and a hooker. That's where you, yeah, you could all piss in my mouth, but that's where I draw the line. You will pay me for it. I'll fucking be jazz. So he said that to me.

Well, he said, isn't, can't you, I mean, you get paid for, if a guy offered to suck, he did for like 1500. Well, he said, isn't can't you, I mean, you get paid for if a guy offered to suck, he did for like 1500. When you do it, isn't that a thing with punched out, it's okay. And they were like, uh, she was like, mother fucker. I don't fucking, she got mad. And then she was festering. And then Lewis was like, fuck you.

And she's like, fuck you. Fuck you. And you had Dominican and a Puerto Rican. Woof! They started, I think she threw something at Lewis. He blocked it. He had like, he had fucking ninja moves blocked it like this came up and then she stood up She stood up she was topless, but she was holding up a painting that we she won on the Yankee swap over her breasts Woo I'm sitting there holding these two cameras like fucking guns

I'm sitting there holding these two cameras like fucking guns. Just keep swap. Huh? That's that's what you want to know right now I'm in the beat. I'm in the fucking belly the beast of the story. That's a fucking pinnacle And you fucking want to know what's a You fucking you know what it's where it's a Christmas thing, okay? Jew it's a Christmas thing you don't need to know listen. It's our thing not your thing It's like Hanukkah, but better buy it from you It's where you get like everybody gets a present. It's like yeah, let me finish It's where you put in how you playing a get do you want to be in a talk show like a like a game show or something?

Fuck you doing What are you doing? You're trying to guess you're asking me questions I try to tell you and then you guess it before I say it who says oh as I'm explaining it What do you think it is? It's where everybody brings one gift you put it in like something and then you pull out a gift No, or you yeah What do you mean? What is that?

Is that how you work with me? Now you know, Bobby. And you swap it. It's a secret Santa, right? Like that? Yeah, what you do, I'm gonna explain it if you just give me five seconds. So if you don't like it,

don't trade it. Pick up the phone. Let me see that things. If you get, hang on. I might be in trouble. Hello. What? Oh shit. Hang on, hello. You're on the podcast, honey. What's up? Oh, are you crying? Oh, no, I just know the way you did it into the phone was very angry and I was

wondering, I got I'll tell you it's been a crazy day a real crazy day and I ate like shit today and I was fucking exhausted and then Yannis came up eating in the studio and I feel bad now that I snapped on them But he should be snapped on for doing that but He was laughing at me the whole time which bugged me even more knowing you yelling at somebody's going. Yeah, I know He's just snickering at me Really bugged me and now we're doing a podcast and we're in the middle of it and boss keeps interrupting me and trying to fucking guess My asses me question and guess them and then Lisa had an episode. I had my sister who's sick

I had to send her on a Uber home so she's home safely finally. So what else? What's up? How's the kid? I was just checking in. Hey, remember the doctor that did the epidural on you when we had max Yeah, yeah, he's I met him tonight. He's downstairs Guys shows up my wife's dying. He's tits hanging out her mom Bob's hanging out Doctor comes in Doctor's comes in. She's fucking dying and the he comes in all cool shit Chains he's got bracelets from every you know, racy. Rand for fucking children with cancer one of those hip-dudes Fixes my wife then walks out looks amigos comedy selling

Thanks, thanks. Thank you recognizing please. He's not tell people you saw my wife's tit He's downstairs right now. I took a picture. I'm gonna send it later That's it later. Alright. Alright. Alright. Well, have a good night. I'll talk to you later. That's it? That's it. Wow. That's it. Alright.

I'm bubbing. I'm bubbing. I'm bubbing. Man, my wife doesn't have my number. You're pussy whipped. I'm pussy whipped? How am I pussy whipped? Give your wife your number.

Did you try to do that joke twice? I can't focus. With the guy on the couch go. Is he gone? Did he leave already? Oh shit. How you doing? Why are you guys sitting together?

You know, you guys fucking jerky each other off once. I was truck stop and you recognize each other and you're all nervous. That was worthy. Holy shit. Let's go through the fuck. They call you you let me call you honest now. I feel bad Funds in here She held it so so she fucking they were they were going they were fighting

Physically she was grabbing shit off that table and throwing it at Lewis Yeah, sure was anybody stopping it or just a Throne of that Lewis Yeah, sure was anybody stopping it or just a exact Gabby Michael is that good? Yeah, yeah Covering the nipples I know would have been I was holding the cameras all because Louis said would you take 1500 you guys take 1500 I heard porn stars do that also called he also called her a retard and that got her pretty man Oh, I mean that that's yeah, but that was in that that was in the middle of the build up Yeah, and then it went nuts, but if somebody tried to break it up and by actually and grabbed her breasts and that got her pretty mad. Oh, well, I mean, that, that's, yeah. But that was in the middle of the buildup. Yeah.

And then it went nuts. But if somebody tried to break it up and by actually grabbed her breasts, would that be sexual harassment? No. I'll find out. Careered be over. Did you grab her breasts by accident?

I mean, yeah, I had to push her away from her. Yeah, but not with both hands. Yeah, that's squeezing. Yeah. I knew Tom Bans on one nipple. Well, they have to lick your tip. Painting over her boobs. That's the only thing that was covered.

Right. It makes it the price been over for 15 minutes and you can stop now. Is she a dummy? I'm not going to get my ass kicked. She's a point. She's a point. She's probably for super stable.

I've heard she's like, she a dummy. Yeah. That's the fucking dummy. No, she's the brightest pumpkin in the patch. She's a brain surker. She walked in going outside, everybody's dick, and fucking piss him on mouth. I had a big B. Not for money.

But the square root of four. Fucking four. I don't fuck, I'm dumb, I don't fucking know. Um, she's fucking Christ. So ha ha. Um. Uh, shit. Fucking Christ. So it got crazy in here, huh? Yeah. Dude, it's nuts.

Today's been a nuts day for me. And then my sister, God, you she sick. And I gotta, I gotta uber her sometimes to the mass general. You know what I mean? But I get scared, you know? Every time she's like, I need to ride. I'm like, all right. But it's a hundred bucks a pop too. It's like, all right I get scared, you know? Every time she's like, I need to ride. And I'm like, all right.

But it's a hundred bucks a pop too. It's like, all right, let's, you know, let's not get sick five times a week. I got a four-year-old, you know? Because my mother can't drive her all the time. It's like a 40-minute drive. So she gets sick. I get, no, that was just too crazy in between time.

Ah, anyways. Did the podcast end after the fight? Or did you guys just sit down and? I was holding two cameras. These two cameras like this, getting all the shith, but trying to cut the titties out so that we could stay on air, but it didn't matter. I'm not gonna show titties on YouTube.

You can't show titties, you can't show nips. And you know who ratted me out? The fucking dumb fans in the chat room. No. Yeah, you fucks. Are they on? You shut it down? They can watch the game talk.

Yeah, good. You can't fucking talk, cock suckers. Yeah. 400 fucking fans in the chat room. And two of you fucking pieces of shit, fucking reported it. Female comics. Fucking garbage.

Probably female comics. Oh my gosh. Oh no. Garbage. Huh? Probably female comic. Oh my gosh. Oh no. Well some of this won't work in the business. Yeah. Go for it. So for you. There's no sensitive.

Go for you. What do you mean? Just the fact she said that she didn't give a fuck. You know what I mean? I liked that. I liked that. I like that. Yeah.

So like you're eating feta chini right now. It's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little , it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, just me, a little. A little. He's a little. No, he's eating the fucking falafel. I don't know how to break honest. Hey, I have my shit wrapped up in my pocket. He told me you can't. You can't.

He can't eat, but no, but this is what he said in his defense. This is what he said to me, okay? We were downstairs and I go, dude, I gotta go upstairs in one minute. I go, I gotta take two bites of this thing and wrap it up because he said to me, he goes, dude, you can't eat on the podcast. He told me you can't eat on the podcast. Then he says, I'm gonna come up and say hello,

but he's not on the podcast, so he was eating. So I think he thought the rule was, you can't eat on the podcast. No, meaning sitting here. You can't eat at all up here. He knows that we got in a big trouble because somehow, someone left, we had a big, we had what?

The dirty plate thing? No, that was another thing. That was another fucking nightmare. You know, stand, this is, you know, people live upstairs. People live downstairs. People live over here. Down around there. And what happened?

On the street. What? I'm saying where people live, they live all over the area. It's a pretty popular city. I hate. I hate. Why don't you get out of here? I've never hate what? Why don't you get out of here?

What do you want to go? We want to go. I don't want. I don't mean us. I don't mean us. Let's just run. What do you want to go? You mean another studio?

Yeah. What does you, Kenny? Fucking this is a perfect studio. No, but I'm saying if you've got to worry about people all over the fucking place. Yeah, but here's the thing downstairs are the best comics in the world So I think it just come up that's true. I'm not here. There's only two of them and the best You why would you not you?

The joke was to you know me. I'll be fun. Oh, yeah, that's where are you? I'm driving Yeah, that's I'm sorry No, it's right look I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I didn't mean any disrespect. I apologize I was totally wrong. You caught me at a bad time. I just got off the phone my sister I just saw the epidural guy or summer wife's bush and I was a very fucking friend and it's been a crazy day I was a very fucking friend and it's been a crazy day, a porn star, tried to beat up Lewis Gomez. There's a lot of shit going on in here.

I ate bad today and then you walked in eating like a, and you were looking at me. I just saw, I took it the wrong, you look at me like eating and you're like, yeah, you can't eat and you're smiled and you're smirk and you're a good looking guy and it makes me sick. I did look, the smell probably guy you look good, right? Was the smell was good?

All right, then I want you to have to do fat jokes to me, all right? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I apologize for a few of you. I love you. You know, I'm Bobby fanging up. You did a fucking truck joke on me. I love you. You're on me. I love you.

Fire! I wish you were. All right. All right, buddy. I love you. I thought you would not stay as I'm going to tell you to come up. All right, I'll see you later. Love you too, man.

Have a good podcast. All right, bye-bye. I couldn't get you a really mad one. You walked back in that time. I was mad because when I went outside, he was laughing at me. And that bugs me. I'm like, dude, what the fuck? And he's like, and he keeps eating. Like he's fucking John Travolta in satinite fever.

My head, my head, like, he's like, I love hamburger. Maybe I'll go in the city some day. Whoa, I look fuck. And he's like sitting there going, huh? And he's laughing. I'm like, I'm serious. You came out hot.

You came out hot. I came out too hot. You came out hot. I came out hot. Where's Yannis? Just marched up because in front of the line of the cellar, too. Oh, no, that was right in the hallway. I don't know if I had a got that mad if he looked at my wife and told her to go fuck herself. I wouldn't have got that mad. The guys two. No, I get the guys chewing a sandwich. Hey, we're on it. He doesn't know. He's getting nutrition? Is he hungry? He worked all day and he's something he

Get him over Fuck wow When you break it down, why don't you help me Why don't you go bump chill out I wasn't fucking with that fucking Free train coming at me, you were fucking I love you, he took a fucking sandwich and Put it in his pocket

I saw you, he like no fucking eating I was like well I'm good, he took a fucking sandwich and put it in his pocket. I just go like this, I saw you, like no fucking eating. I was like, well I'm good, I wrapped this fucking thing. What the fuck do you want me to do? I don't have, I didn't want you to see 10 foils fucking sauce. I started panicking. I thought you were gonna see some fucking sauce. I started panicking. I thought it was a fucking 20.

The first bit ticket in a year. I got the first. First bit ticket 2018. I didn't just stop me. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. You're on fire. We're all kinds of shit going on. When you went to Gosi Yon as your chair was spinning

when you left the room, I was so fast. No, I won't. No, I won't. Well, last week I look over his on the phone every fucking eight seconds. This week he rolls in just chewing. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck?

I'm like, this kid's got it out for me. He wants the fucking, he wants y'all. And then I walk out and he's fucking eating his sandwich smiling, you know, that Janice. Smirk, he's got a smirk. He's got a smirk. He's such a good looking cocksucker. Greek mother fucking gorgeous guy.

Smirk and eating his family's food. His fucking food from the island. So you're looking, Janice. I can't tell yeah, like like I'm the one to ten what is he an eight Seven I'm sorry six you think you think y'all you think y'all this is a seven Six you think Dan Soto's a what? I'm melanchead She said, yeah, you think Dan Soto's a what? Uh, a melon head I find your love loss. Oh my god, he's you throw it up. He's hitting it throwing up. He's hitting I go you think I know you think Dan Soto's what he goes a melon head

Fucking not even a pause like he was waiting for me to like we rehearsed at My god a melon head. No, you got a brilliant set like you I was a little he's you just know what you did what All right, you know you just did bring the show to a screeching Yeah, all right, you know, you just did bring the show to a screeching call. What you fucking AA talk? I didn't say it was AA. You see, I didn't break any of them in the middle. I just said it 10 stuff.

I was just saying. I didn't break anybody's in an enemy. I didn't say anybody was in there. I said it's AA talk. I didn't say you were an AA for 30 years. Can anybody point you in the 3031 when you point you in the middle? You just broke your limit. When you point your finger, point three back at yourself.

When you point one, you point your point your point your finger point three back at yourself when you point one your point Oh my god that fucking that was fucking written before you finish your sentence I had that one. I had nine finger jokes waiting for you as soon as you say finger as soon as you say the word finger I have nine of jokes waiting for you as soon as you say finger. As soon as you say the word finger, I have nine of them waiting to go. Virzy, Virzy's here. I think I should do something in the room. Gab, get real. Okay, we have Liz Russo.

Hi. Liz Russo, stand up comedian. Where are you living? Exconvict. Exconvict. She was in jail for a year, versus. Too cute. Look at her.

She's just like an offense to you. Look at her. Oh, okay. Second. Yeah. Look at her. Look at her. Look at her. Oh, okay. Well, look at me. Look at me. You actually look like you got your shit together to be fucked. I mean, what's there? Yeah, oh man.

What does she look like now? Yeah. She's doing a yon as smart. I hope I got men pretty nice. Well, I have a great, she's got the falafel smirk in that picture. Falafel smirk. All right, it has a falafel smirk. I like The falafel smirk It is the falafel smirk

I like 10-fifle Oh, that clock second was kept eating in the hallway I'm like, you can't eat up here, is he? Still biting going, alright man, I get you Greeks love their family Smiling Yeah, they do Are you really doing it?

Are you Greek? Yeah Oh, great Now we're gonna make a Greek connection Yeah, right now, Greeks love Greeks, you know? No shit, I saw the movie What? Oh, yeah, I don't even know if I saw the fuck. Well,

country this Greece really hate you know. Yeah, Turkey. There you go. Yeah. So do we? Who's we? A.J. What? Yeah, you know, it is really, you know, really. I'm from Jersey. What the fuck? No, he's right though. Like if you go to a restaurant because you know the Turkish coffee, yeah, it's a little one when then it gets all like the yeah the ground on the bottom and and I was in a Greek I was like oh this is really good. I had a Turkish restaurant like no, no, no We started and the other ones like they they fucking hate each other really. Oh, yeah, they hate each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well why Over the pot Greece and Turkey was over. Can I ask the fucking Greek? No, I'm telling No, I just know that it was just years of age. It was, it was, it's it made a lot of it was over the poppy plants that that turkey was growing, you know, for heroin and

Greece wanted it to stop and turkeys using that as their number one source of income. And you know, it's fucking up throughout, you know know greece turt whatever they wanted the end of the uh... the poppy fields and the why the jews hate the the the uh... the turkey turkey is anti israel like most european or middle eastern countries when turkey at its big earthquake i don't know if five six years ago israel was the first country in there to help them.

But yes, they are the most, and listen. You wanna take my tits out? Poppison dressing. Yeah, yeah, please take a tits out. Just slap it, slap it. Slap her as he was one, would you? Oh my God, that was great. Ah, she just called you boring.

Why are we taking a history lesson from you? I'm not telling you. I just made that whole thing up, but I'm happy. I'm not telling you. I just made that whole thing up because I'm happy. Did you really? Yes. I mean, that's her key, don't you? I thought I had a- Why won't we even listen it?

It's fucking rich. Let's get a man-jang that rich. Oh my God. Of course we did. I started bleeding. I'm like, maybe that's what I heard. That's how fucking- Maybe that's what I've heard.

It's a sense. See, the turk- Maybe that's what I- Stole the turkey that's what I stole the Musaka Musaka First to come out of Bakalawa Hey Bakalawa, what would you call it? Bakalawa It's what he said Bakalawa

Bakalawa, like a Baka's a franos Bakalawa, Are you Turkish? I live in little Egypt I live in that little Egypt. Oh wow you just connected with them Most of them you're fucking boring poppy shit The whole room was silent listening just like you were on stage Listen and just like you're on stage Judging you doing roast battle

I judge young guys like you Don't get greedy you got the last one You're my friend and I'm trying to fucking hold you back Like Verzy should have helped me back from y'all the yana's I'll hold you back I suppose to do you came in high I took my sandwich and put it back in the tip place that I'm my you back. You fuckers, I suppose to do. You came in high. You know, fuck, I took my sandwich and put it back in the tip place, stuck it on my fucking window. I'm always Mickey Mouse. I know. Yeah.

Oh, fuck. So, yes, we have this holiday coming up. New years, it's already passed, actually. It was this last week. Yeah. No, I'm no, it's coming up today, right? It's today two days. No, it's yeah today This comes out on New Year's Eve When you're working tonight I take New Year's Eve off. I don't fucking do I unless there's a big gig unless it's like

Money money which you can get on New Year's Eve, there's big money gigs. I'm working with Rich. I'm working with Rich. I'm working with Rich. Where? Tom Nitchie. Oh, hey, Tom. You're Tom.

Yeah. Okay, he's downstairs. Yeah. You got, you got big money. Which club? I don't know, some theaters. Two theaters, but they're like, Oh yeah, he has a lot going on.

I don't really use these. But I, that whole, you know, you know, from Christmas, like from Thursday night to New Year's Eve is good. It's good for me. Private part. I mean, too. I'm headlining the comedy zone in Harrisburg.

That should be fun. Yeah, I'm taking, I take it all off. Yeah, last like two years in a row, we took it off. Went out to dinner, a nice place. Yeah, fun doing it every once in a while. But you know, I got to work girls. I feel like drinking. Really? Yeah.

How long have you been out of jail? Out of jail since 2008, but only seven, seven years sober. How come I, you know, are you, do you smoke pot? No. Nothing right? Everyone in this room sober, but me. I, I'm not. No, Versi drinks.

You know what I hate? I mean, Versi will fucking hang in last night. He was polished enough. I drank half a bottle of fucking Chinese water. I know what it is. It's getting to the point where people who smoke cigars, if you smoke a cigar, I just assume you're sober. Because every sober person I know smokes a gars.

I can't wait. Yeah, I know that smokes a gars pretty much drinks bourbon. Yeah. Yeah, I'm always around like him and Janice and everybody. Yeah, everybody was smokes. I know it has a little bourbon here and there. I'm really one who doesn't. I'm sitting there sucking on a diet coke or a Coke zero. That's good though with a cigar. So you ruined it. You ruined me with that. Why? That's the best one. That's the best one. Me and him last night were hanging out at my cigar bar up in my my house and we're hanging out with

Rob the cop. Yeah, detective God was he fucking funny. Oh my god We're hanging out this detective last night. He goes here's what's gonna happen your son's gonna get caught with drugs And guess what's gonna happen nothing cuz I'm gonna take care of it and then I just started to pour me Johnny Walker Yes, I'm going to my then he like poured me like three of them. And he goes, you can do it. You can do it. The good stuff, yeah. Like the good shit, yeah.

You know, you don't have to put like cut it with anything. Yeah. But he had like a Johnny Walker triple blend. But it's funny, he's like a detective. He's like a cab and it's, you know, a cop here for 27. He just kept pouring me drinks and he goes, yeah, drive safe. Anything happens, just tell him. Oh wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Condoning me. It's family Family over I guess what yeah, but the cigar place Scrape him up and Let me be on my way sir He was nice though. He's the best to blow away. Wait, so you went so you blew a cop for a ticket He still sent me to jail at the wrong did you blow a, oh God, that'd be a greatest story. I mean, maybe I did, I can't remember. Did you or didn't you?

Don't, don't, don't play with this story. This would be a great story. Did you go, do you ever do, I mean, I hear the story like, that's, look, that's I'm an option for me. And listen to this. I have to cops into this. Don't sell yourself, Sherp,

but you got great lips. Yeah. Next to you. Oh, I have a little. I have. I have. There's magic on me. Oh, I got a cute guy just says that.

I don't know. If Vos said I knew he was kidding, but he says it. No, this guy's judged my lips. There's going to have one hair out of place. Who? Him. It's perfect.

Well, all right. So I call him too cute. Too cute. He's too cute. I didn't know 2 DUIs get you a year in jail. I don't want it. It doesn't usually What did you do? You get a bad job? Fuckin you start real when too much teeth Yes, didn't like to scrape it. Hey, no, you know you never sexually did anything for a Teal out of a ticket. No

That was a fucking alright good. Well, Well, you see that movie that I could grow? You know, I'm a fucking boy and they're like, all right. And I never heard a real shit. Not that I wouldn't, but I mean. I mean, would you, if it was the case. And I spent a year in jail. I probably would have, you know, you went like a max, were you in a serious jail?

I was in county for years, which is where I said, is it? Why? Because there's no money or anything. Like, so like, there's no, it's not orange as the new black, or just like a state penitentiary. Like what, county is like the lowest level. So the longer you're there, the worse it is.

And plus people don't know if they're gonna get 20 years or two years, right? Yeah, because they can be held to every fucking day. Like I met a murderer, like she was being held in the scene. It's everybody. It's a yeah, I mean, everybody and everybody. So it's a holding jail, basically, for court. Well, you can, you can, they can hold you for two years.

And then when you get sentenced for like state, then they'll send you upstate. So they can hold you for two. And that's where you can, you can actually begin to live a life. Yeah, yeah. And take it in the ass on a regular basis for new ports. You can make better dildos with like the toilet paper. Make soup and a toilet. Wait, do they do they make dildos and shit out again? Women would do that. Yeah. I would. What? Why are we so sure? They're very excited. They're they're they're what? Say it again. Slower. How cheap is it? If he went to jail, would they use him as a dildo?

The slow-sleeved city fuck. Probably. A two-way one, too. Oh my god. They would fucking jizz in his hair every day. Yeah, you'd see his little butt. Take that as a compliment. Oh, you see? You'd have a little fucking, then make him put a little patch,

a little patch in the back with buttons so you can just take his ramp out when you want Put it back out like those little Christmas Yeah, baby To cute get over here Areans would trade them to the Muslim card card. They're saying I came out here. They have all kinds of weird tattoos Did you fight in there? Is there a lot of fighting? There's a lot of yelling like Like the worst thing you could ever yelling? Yeah, a lot of like a lot of emotional

parents. So this was a women's jail. Exactly. Who are my parents there? Not a lot of violence unless and let's I'm like you What time are you coming home? You're never gonna make it Why don't you be like your father and Salon What do you mean and leave the house Wait, how do you ever eat pussy? Why is it wait? Where is she going? Don't say wait you never ate pussy in here. No.

Look at me, look at me. I didn't save my legs for the whole year. I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you, did you do anything with any women while you were there? No. She's childhood truth. I can tell.

Yeah, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she just said, yeah. It's not, it's not a good like porn fan. It's only a year, too. It's not a long, if it was life, you might do it. Can you do it? That's like when I was in Juve Hall, they'd be like, did you blow guys?

I'm in there for six months. If you can't wait six months for a cigarette. Well, that's the thing, most women, most women will trade themselves for like, commissary, so like, you know, if you really need some ramen. Any like guards catch like BJ, like, you know, the women mess with the guards or no?

Some of the guards were like you know what what what do you mean? What do you mean? Smuggle drugs into their favorite inmates or what? For what for sex right? Yeah and then yeah and then have their girlfriend. For what? Why you not going back are you? For this for still cigarettes Bob.

I hope I'm not going back. Just a nice guy. I'm like this my life and career. I guess I'm a hell of a fool. Here's a grand heroine. Here's the thing of Fignoon. Let me ask you a question. Have you ever been arrested? No.

Have you ever been arrested? Yeah, I've been arrested like three or four times. No shit. Yeah. Just all booze. You know, jeez. Pull my dick out of the college, pissing outside the guy, you know, and then I got naked in the emergency room.

Why'd you get naked in the emergency room? I was blackin' out, my friend was gettin' his finger wrapped. He broke his finger at a party, I didn't wanna leave the party and he was like, you're just stayin' here to get some fuckin' pussy, this is bullshit, and I went and I'm blackin' out, I started pissin' in the waiting room, and I just took all my clothes off, and I run down, look for him,

and I tried dancing with the nurse and shit. Yeah, yeah, just keep your sneakers on. Do they arrest you, my friend? No, after my friend goes, get the fuck out of here, what are you doing? And I was like, what are you, I was gonna do this on a Ari show for Comedy Central, but I'm white. Um, so shit, so what the fuck? I can't believe you went to college. No, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I, I just, I just, I said, Mr. I said, what will Perkamer's house? It was like a back ailment. It was my hurtimer. Who the fuck is this? Who the fuck goes?

Who does the three hours away? I go away to fuck the community college, right? No, no, no. I'm kidding. No, no, no, it was fucking three hours. What's that? Three hours to community college? Yeah, we went away.

We just wanted to get away. It was a bit, anyway. It was a big party school. Who's we wanted to get away? I went with three friends from high school. They were just like, let's go. It was a big party school. We wanted to get away. I went with three friends from high school. They were just like, let's go. It was like, dude, let's do this.

They were just like, let's get dorms. We're gonna go up there. It was actually a huge school for soccer and lacrosse. We played none. We played nothing. And all the women, they're all the girls that wanted to be with guys that played soccer and lacrosse.

So you got not. Yeah. So yeah, that's where I went. You got a little pirate. I'm the bet running you play soccer and lacrosse. I don't know what it was. Oh, actually, now I guess, I guess, stay up that it's where I went. You got a little pirate the bet running you play soccer and LaCrosche I don't know. Oh, actually now I guess I guess they up that it's not a community college anymore to state State University. Okay, two-year college. Oh, there you go. Yeah, so it's a two-year major I I changed it from

Communications to liberal arts and then I dropped out to come home and whatever do sales But anyway, I'm hammering the emergency room, and I go up to the nurse and I'm like, come on, dance, and I was making like my dick go back and forth. My friends fallin' as he's in pain, he's fallin' overlappin' my other first night. What the fuck, Voss? What do you stop in the store for that?

I'm like, say, anybody can swing or dick back and forth got a big dick. Yeah, I know. Me and you have to do circles. What do you do? He can swing this back and forth. I can pull people. I do circles. He can swing this back and forth. I got people No, so

He goes my friend goes get the fight brings me my clothes and we run out of parking lot It was snowing as a blizzard and we're just sitting in a car and because I can't believe it goes Yeah, you do you want to do donuts? And I'm like fuck yeah, I do and we just start spinning around the car and then blue and red lights Whoop whoop and comes in the guy goes which one of you pieces of shit Just got naked in my hospital. I was so fucked up. It's true. So fucked up. I didn't I didn't know it was me I started like agreeing with the cup like somebody did that like and I'm looking at my I'm going somebody goes yeah, he goes and fucking and we yeah, I got arrested I got arrested for that my

I find out with you My friend was naked my friend was completely sober My friend was completely sober. My friend was completely sober. No, it was obvious. Like when the cop made us get out of the car, it was not, it wasn't a mystery of who fucking just got got naked. And I was in the courtroom and swore that the court is packed as a big fucking bailiff just sitting there trooper. He standing next to the thing and I look at my friend, I'm going to do it me what the fuck do they'll come back to this here is mr. verzy can you step up please and i step up and he goes uh...

so uh... i have something here that says uh... according to this mr. verzy uh... showed his bare buttocks to a nurse in the uh... little falls uh... emergency room and then he goes when, why are you naked? Mr. Versi replied, my belt buckle came undone. And the fucking bailiff just goes, and they all started laughing. And he's like, if you do this one more time,

I'm gonna throw you in jail for 30 days. Really? Said you'll never see me again. He fine you? But what's that? No fine. Oh yeah, I got fine. I got fine.

I had to get a lawyer and shit. Yeah, it was, then I got a. I had to get a lawyer and shit. Yeah, it was, it was, then I got a public intoxication pissing in the street one time at another state college. And yeah, so just, just, just drunken nonsense as a kid. You're a mess. Yeah, nothing. It's nothing.

You know, she's worse than me. Oh, tell me. Well, you, I mean, look, you got two dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. I was on parole and I got two public drunk in the start. As I'm telling the story she's looking at me like bitch. I mean, anytime I ever got close, I got to I skirt it out of it. Yeah, because you're gorgeous. I did have what we were drinking in public literally with red

so I could take a blowjob for man. Oh my god. I'm fucking take a blowjob from this little guy. I'm gonna twinkle in his eye. What fucking man has twinkly eyes? I got fucking lamb in my pocket right now. What the lamb in the fridge? What the fuck?

I've never heard anything hotter. I'm walking down the street with like four or five of my friends, three of which were not white, and the cops came over. We're all holding, actually, two of my friends who were Asian and Spanish were not holding solo cups. I'm holding a solo cup, the cops pull over, get out of the car. Go, you guys are drinking in public, and we go, no, and they go, and they slap the cops out of our hand,

and go right to the three minorities, and we're like you guys are getting Drinking public tickets for your friends and gave it to them and not us. I'm what yeah They were like so they're like we're just gonna because we don't know who was drinking We're gonna just give it to three of you But they pick the three minorities in the group and then my you take a guy Cobb wants to give you a ticket and whenever fucking High-pob would yeah high-pob would lawyer dad you have well my wife sort of get a hairline My wife started getting like super mouthy with them too where she was just being like drunk Italian

Drunk Italian no, this was after She well she was shit faced drunk and and they were like, you know, there was a woman cop and a guy cop and the woman's like, you know, because she's like, I don't know what to see what the big deal is, we're not really exposing it, it's just solo cops. And she goes, you know, it's illegal to drink in public, right? And my wife goes, yeah, no shit,

I majored in criminal justice. And like, just started saying, yeah, do that. And I was like, mom, mom, mom, mom. It was like, go back to giving the minorities tickets, please. You know? We were, uh, we were, uh, we were pissed. That's their cop wants to fuck with a fucking crazy drunk white girl. Italian, I took fatalia.

Yeah, we were driving up. We were smoking a free base on, I think it was Jesus Christ. Which we're not listening. We're not listening. We're not going to. We're not going to. I'm not. I to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going I go know and I took a really club and smash my tail light as I drove away You don't pull over Did they took well? Yeah, I'm not stopping. I got a car full of fucking crap

Did they did they chase you? No, they were just standing there pulling over and dummies that would pull over You know the thing if it's a roadblock they can't go I think when you're on the highway and you're flying and you see a cop that's kind of on the side in the construction and you slow down. What's he gonna do? Leave the ginkies.

No. That burns while he can't get his car past your tractors. Yeah. That's, I mean, I was coming home from, I was out in Long Island. Stop with the fingers, you freaking me out. Sorry, I was out in Long Island with the dump to. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was me. Sorry. I was out of the island with the dumb to

Sorry I was I don't know what to do now. I don't know how to talk. I'm like I don't hold the paper. Yeah Driving home He went mr. Verzy Fuck where you going? I'm going. I gotta go to the stand. How long is it gonna take me to get to the stand? It's only takes you 10 minutes. I don't have a car. I don't know how to get there Dude, even quicker 10 over what are you fucking 12? You're in your 60s. I don't I don't use it one go on stick your fucking little hand out and someone's gonna pull over Tell me you're going

It's a fucking cab. What are you talking about you really use a cab once no Uber once don't use it over use a cab Okay, there's plenty of cabs. It's a Monday night. What's the night Tuesday night? It's a Tuesday night. There's plenty of Cars you're Z. That's right. It's crazy new you see all the cabs are taken Now we don't have to do that. I'm not some fucking radio show that it's syndicate and Indianapolis Indianapolis. We know that, that was f**k. I know. Hey guys, what's happening? Do you hate going shopping for clothes but still want to look good?

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Okay, now when can I ask you something you want a ride casting on? The air as we're doing a podcast, that would be dumb. Yeah, I'm not your fun. Yeah, we're not gonna talk business on the air. All right, let's see the skinny guy raise his finger again. I want to really get into this. You got arrested now. You wake up in jail.

Now, do they send you right to jail? I got the DUIs and then I delayed my court hearing for two years. Two years. Because I thought I could get my shift together, which I could not. Right. And then I got sentenced. I thought I was only going to be there for 30 days. I had to like, you know, turn myself in.

So you could turn yourself in. Get strips, search. They strip search you at what age? Uh-uh. Whatever age you want to live. I turned 30 in jail. Okay. So 10 years, about 10 years ago. Okay. So you're in jail. Okay. Yeah. You're, you, you, you, you think you're going to be

there for a third, a month. Yeah. I mean, you first night in jail, you must, you've never been in jail before, right? No. But how do you didn't call your parents? You took the ice mode. I told my mom I was going on a cruise as doing comedy on a cruise for two years You never know for 30 days fucking Bangladesh What I didn't tell them I was going to jail and I told them that I don't know if I could get in contact with them Because I was doing this comedy thing on a cruise. You didn't even tell your family you're going to jail You know dangerous that is why I don't know I was with you the whole time.

I don't know. Holy shit, he's right. That's a great point. Family first. Yeah. I was like, Bobby's right. I thought I'd be out in time, you know. They wouldn't.

You had nothing. I had nothing, though. I just thought it sounded dangerous. He squinted. He squinted his eyes. No, it's like a father. You know how dangerous. Yeah.

You fucking, you leaned into it. That was the very time. You did a real dad check. No, it's like a funny, not dangerous. Yeah, you fucking, you leaned into it. You did a real dad check. Yeah, I was. I'm thinking that she goes, why? Because I don't know. But I think I'm supposed to say this. I mean, they didn't know where I was, but apparently, I was, you know, you weren't on probation before the deal.

No, parole after I got out of jail. So every 30 days, did you finally call them? They had called around or someone called them. I don't know the actual story from them, but the CEO comes into my cell and goes, your parents call, they know you're here, they don't wanna talk to you. I was like, go.

Really? Why didn't he tell you that? Just so that they, so I knew that they knew. Right. Because my mom definitely would want me to know that she knows. Are your parents like, are you from a good family? Like do they have money? Are you from?

Yeah, from a good family. My dad was a college head football coach. My mom teaches special ed. Where did you get coached? It was Lafayette College. She's retired now. Oh, yeah. Lafayette.

In Eastern. Yeah. So you have a good family. You brought up right, you're drinking too much, you go to jail, you're supposed to be in there for 30 days. When did you find out it's going to be a year? So on the day I was supposed to be released. Oh, no. I'm sitting there.

I'm sitting there. It's ironic because we watched a lot of lifetime in prison. What you did? Lifetime in cops and all that shit. I'm like, why? Why? I'd watch the soup when it was my turn for TV time. You had your own turn? Anyway, yeah.

When I got there long enough, then I could pick. When you beat it, when you shank the couple of rods, how do you get to the point where you go, that's one of the sets. Can I have TV privileges yet? Or what's the protocol here? It was about six months in and they're like, all right, Russo, you're up, you can pick on a day and time. And then so you chose Joel McHale.

I did. I did. And they're like, and revoked. That's a Friday's the soup. And I would turn on Comedy Central when we got locked down. It's my favorite thing. Just see all the people you knew. Well, yeah.

I'm not succeeding. Yannis is getting famous. Yeah. That didn't do quick. Yeah. 10 years ago, you were so on TV. You were a comic. Excuse me, we're talking. Oh, come on. I took you. It's all over you. Please, yeah. I'm one of two little talking to the mic. Talk it to the mic. Because you don't wear the head. Have a razor voice to me again. Okay.

Will you, will you doing comedy then? Yeah. Well, I met you years ago. We did a show together. Probably. How many roller-spaddles do you do back then? No, no roller-spaddles. Let me ask you questions.

So you're in jail. You find out. When did you find out you go to court and find out you think you get out So I've already been sentenced to the 30 days. Yeah, and Then on my day of release they're like oh someone you're on state parole. You're not on county So you're staying and what for until the green sheets come back from Harrisburg to tell me that I'm released So the first time they come through they they're like, you can't be released you're a danger to society. Why?

Have you seen Iraq? Yeah. Yes. Yes. Damn. So yeah. So what did what, what, wait a minute, they can't just fucking come back with danger.

Who do you, almost, almost every time, if you have, Who hurt you? Who hurt you? Yeah, no, I didn't hurt anybody. There was no accident. There's no none of that. Really? It was just got once you're on state parole

and you're in the bureaucracy and everything. The first time, the first time it goes to the parole, whatever, it's like seven people or whatever it is, you have to get a unanimous decision for them to, and they'll always say no the first time through, because they want you to get treatment and they want you to be there for a long time and they want you to realize that you did something bad, they don't really even,

in my opinion, I don't think they even look at, like, oh, she's got two DUIs, that's like a weird thing. So let me ask you a question, you know there for 30 days, you think you can't release, they tell you, fuck off, you're staying until whenever. Until when is the next time that you realize I might be getting out? How many was it a year later? I mean, like three months in.

I'm like, well, can you put me on work release? Why am I in medium security and, you know, all that stuff? And then, you have to shower like with other women? Um, the showers. Now you could, you could pretty much just get the shower by yourself. Do you have to have flops or you have to shower like with other women. The showers now you could you could pretty much just get the shower by yourself. Do you have flip flops or you have to walk in there? Shower shoes. But did you?

But underwear my my first time because I was I was surprised to go in into jail because like there's there's like a work release area where I spent my first 30 days. Right. Then I got thrown what they call over the wall. Right. Which is into like a cell block with population, right? So I didn't have anything. So I only had one pair of like underwear, you know?

So I actually got hand me downs from like two prior cell mates. They were huge, they're like this big. You had to wear somebody else's underwear. Yeah, and they were clean, but yeah. I have them still because I like to be reminded. Yeah, what do you do with them? You have them on now?

Every time you get an urge for a drink, you look at fucking Betsy's big shirt. Oh, yeah. Totally. Totally. It's true, though. I wonder if you were in the audience. Put these on.

She has a friend that's drinking too much. Okay, so now, I'll fit it. Tie it up. You like the way those fill fill they're always wet. They never get dry Smell them smell them Well smells like snake shit. I have those off the three months You couldn't get a friend to bring you underwear. Well, so then you have to get up Well, here's the thing so you you can't get drop offs or anything. Why?

Because you have drones then? No drones. There's a drone in here. Fucking drone. Not you here. Not you, Emma. Sorry, I'm old. So you need commissary.

So I needed my parents to put money on my books so that I could get a sweatshirt and underwear. Really? Con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. ¡Oh, cabbie's like talking a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a bring it up That's what Gabby wears on a fucking So show it to the camera yeah, so the thing is it's a buttoning it's a button down So like if I didn't have a t-shirt. I didn't have anything so I'd have to take off the whole thing to go to the camera again. So the thing is it's a button down. So like if I didn't have a t-shirt, I didn't have anything so I'd have to take off the whole thing to go to the bathroom.

Yeah. So like I'm sitting there like like that strip of your head on. Really? I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I pooping in front of another person. And then you have to try and eat a baloney sandwich. So you got to pull. Oh, in the cell was the shitter. Yeah, so you had a shit while someone was eating at two people Usually, yeah, but a sheet in front of you. Yeah, someone couldn't hold you couldn't hold up a sheet Yeah, I mean, I've got a scene of fucking is there no loss on an island show or like Like how it's me. I mean anything you couldn't figure it out. Yeah, I guess we did that I mean, but yeah, so you'd have someone in the box and have someone in the pool.

You make a shank out of a toothbrush. Do you make a curtain out of a fucking small panty hose or something? I'm underwear. I don't think you had a toothbrush either. Yeah. All that stuff's like, that stuff's kind of given, I think. They treated you like you were like a serious, I mean, I know driving drunk is bad and you could hurt yourself or other people, but they treated you like you were in jail for a fucking year for that.

Like that's great. That's a little, I think that's a little month. How many years? The two do you watch? So how far apart were they? Like eight months. Oh, okay. Well, you got to take a time out.

And two different states too. And I admitted to the jurors. Did you say you got to take a time out? Yeah. You had to jail for a year. How the shit from two Mexicans? Are they Mexican? No, I swear to God. Those are in a separate stuff. They're to jail for a year. How the shit from two Mexicans? Are they Mexican? No, I swear to God. Those are in a separate cell. They're the ones building this. I swear on

our tier of like, I don't know how many women, maybe 30 women, I'd say 98% of that all white went to Catholic school. Really? Swear to God. Yeah. Wow. Really weird. Like, where was this prison? What prison? In North Hanson County, Pennsylvania. Northampton County, Pennsylvania. It's right down. It's right down. When you're going up that highway, uh, uh, Vosthit, a gig there. For 22.

So it's in Easton. Where are you, Vosthit? Oh, it's in the back. And I literally, my house in Easton is right down the street from the prison. They pay good money. The Quaype Lone San with the Quaype Lone San. Dude, I get a bonus at 300 women.

Yeah. You can't skip in Hartford. You tip them? Yeah, I always tip my openers. Why? You are all alone. I gotta say you did have one of the funniest. Let's look at this. I want to see a self. We'll get back to this. I don't know. Did you draw that? Yeah. That was art therapy.

No. It's the most sincere you've ever been. What do you say? What do you say? Because you had one of the funniest wait Let's go to this where's gonna look at back to I like Prison rape elimination It was it was a Come up I probably do I want to say

Women not so much so maybe in the men's side of the prison why there was a men's side in a woman's yeah So do you get to see the men with any part? Like, did you ever cross her path like in the all way or the yard? Once I was in like work release, we didn't really have a yard. We had a room with a flat. You know, we did a show. Did you, did you, and I don't mean to be crude. That's okay.

When I was in Juve Hall though, I found it hard to crank one out. I mean, did you crank him out? Yeah. Where? Just under the covers and bed, you know? So you're in bed with two other people in the room. And you, you guys did all give it accidentally did all at the same time. Like, I don't know.

You like try not to, you know, cross diddle, you cross diddle, do you have a cross diddle? Like we here. You like try not to you know cross didddle you cross didddle you ever cross didddle Like we She's like oh you like yo yo yo. I was first You like I was lying a questioning change. I'm like you know how dangerous that could be yeah So you flicking yourself off How do you get that done? I'll be honest. I got I don't know what it is I

But I got a public junkiness and I got thrown into the drunk tank. Yeah. I don't know why, but I was there for like a few hours and I like, I masturbated in there. And from the drunk tank? What's the drunk tank?

Like just like a holding cell. So like overnight jail, it's like for, not even overnight, just like a two hour. Just into my BAC. And so my BAC went down to a certain level. I'm like, well, I got like down now seven hours to be here. So you know, you're comfortable like a lot getting rest of you. All right, go ahead. Yeah. Yeah.

Can't still make me horny. I don't know what it is. What does handcuffs, you know, we get a show in a cow. You get fucking trouble guys. It's back down, fellas. We'll get fucking take she'll take us all out. We get one of those on the pocket opening my heart up. Back down fellas We'll get fucking take she'll take us all out I was on the pocket opening my heart up By the way how many times they jerked off I'll take what I tell you a better story I do comic music guitar rack and he used to do talk to the mic you fuck. He was a guitar rack Yeah, I think it was Lance Montausto and you should do prisons. Yeah, and you do a single long and he got okay now rapist prisons. Yeah. And they do a single long and he got okay, now rapists.

On robbers. Oh, that's funny. We were doing a show at a county in Maryland and it, but it was mixed. There were girls and guys. So obviously at the show. But behind the stage was over here was sodas and potato chips. And everybody was staring at them like they were gold. Yeah. Because there's a couple little bags of chips and sodas. And one kid after the show was helping clean up, he goes, just like, clean up, can I have a bag? And like, they don't get, like a bag of chips and a soda

would have been the biggest thing that happened to anybody in that audience. Yeah, absolutely. You know, like, Sanka coffee, like that's like, that's like drugs in prison. Yeah. Like, yeah, like, goals. It's crazy. Instant coffee.

But there's a point where you just like, I wake up by this is what I do, I go to bed at this time and do it all over again. Every holiday, turn 30, Christmas, New Year. And when you got out, you just, when you got out, were you like, fuck, were you institutionalized a little bit? Oh, yeah. I didn't really realize that until,

to kill somebody at a fucking laundry man. Until like a few, I was a my underwear, but that's his underwear down. It's not a sheet. It's symbolic. Don't be started jerking off at Spencer Gifts. Uh, uh, the difference between a female and a male person like, like, you guys aren't,

like, the males can go and work out in the prison. You know, you guys don't have that, right? No, no, we didn't have anything. We're not like, and it's county. So like, county didn't have, they didn't have any facilities. What did you do? You wake up, where do you go? Where do you go?

Where do you go? You do. Before feet to the other side of the room, you fucking idiot. Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'll take a stroll to the park today. Where do you go? It's fucking down. You go to the shitter and have your room

a walk to. Yeah, take a walk. What are you doing, man? You know what I meant. I mean, all right, so. So they all have to right One pair of underwear You're washing the sink and you have a sink in your room. It's a sink toilet combo. It's a cell St. toilet combo, so you wash it you do laundry in the sink

Tell me about your bed if you can't afford a laundry Joe this is joining the program Longy Joe listen to the program. I'm gonna give it. He's getting it Fun, yeah, let me be quick. We started so when you run the badminton team Listen, you know what I mean listen you're reading sleep Let's fire it up. I think we're ready. Well, it's already been on for an hour. Robert, is this you? No, I don't. No, that's not me, that's her.

Already laying right there. Listen, so when you wake up in the morning, what do you do? So you get breakfast? You go right to breakfast. Now you have to get in a line and go to Chow Hall and you count out. I'm not that way, wait, step. Come to the point.

What do you do? Really describe the food portion slowly to Bob and you. Every Every prison movie don't walk into the fucking food line. I'm at let her fucking down the story Everybody was in prison like you Yeah, you should have been the queen I don't have to be in prison a blow a guy So I don't know you you get breakfast on a tray. So you go to a hall like a breakfast hall. No, you just, there's like a perillaume room

outside of all the cells and a, you fucking serious. I don't know how you do in the boss. This is show junk redemption 90 times. You're on a fucking jumpsuit. You can't know where to go with you. You're shitty food. What are you,

there's gotta be more to it. Matt, you put my nails in. Where did you put your nails in? You can go to the beach go in your shitty food. What are you doing? He's gonna be more than what's in there. He's gonna be in my nails. Where did you meet him? You got to the beach? Did you get to the beach? I'll fill one in seconds. I'll fill two. Who did your tip?

Did you, did you, now let me just say this, she went up in the morning, you go for breakfast, you come back to your cell and then you go out in the common area. Make your bed, you're not allowed, you have to make your bed,

you're not allowed to like get under the covers. If you wanna like sleep in the bed, you have to make it and sleep on top of it. I don't know why. I think that's dumb. I don't understand it. Show a little bit of structure in your life. Structure.

So that's not even a blanket, then, if it's not on top of you. No. Was it cold? That's really not fair. It was. I like how you get a few. You should blanket.

And the day you can use the blanket. But I'm like, I didn't smell hair for like eight months. Like I didn't like go outside or like see outside. When you got home, you make your mom come in the bathroom when you took a shit just so you know, you're gonna work home, you're mom. Wow, what? Can you come in and talk to me and eat this balloon sandwich?

Bring this sandwich. Bring your next one. I can't shit It's grandma. I think it was always too. Yeah, I wish I would have thought about it now. Okay. You need Prince. No, I need you. Can you guys play dominoes while I take a shit? Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa So so you can't go back to bed. You gotta hang out all day.

So they'll make you do shit, like make a, you know, fix a car or, you know, make you know, fix a car. Yeah, like, you know, they have like, you know, they fix a boat of a car. Yeah, they got a car for every fucking prison. You can go. Some prisons do stuff like license plates. You could go to like the AA meetings with the nuns. You could read a book

You can watch There were there were some TVs in the common area I feel free the mics on go ahead Well, I just I'm I'm trying to hear her. I like to listen to women when they speak Bob I don't like to interrupt and say all these these little quips. I care about the women's story. Also, let hit the intro. Let's start. This is good stuff. Let's fire it up. I'm here. We have to be fair. We haven't done the intros to who's on the show. You have to make sure I do what I'm supposed to do Bobby's like we got rich Ross Paul Versey and and a couple of fuck me

Go introduce everybody real quick fucking body. Yeah, you Mike you do patreon.com Sledge Boston Bonnie. I'll see you later. No, Gabby. Just come over here. Bye rich. Bye rich. I'll see you on rich. I'll see you see you later tonight I guess right where? Nothing because you said tonight was new years I'm working with them. I never mind you know You said it was new here I'm trying to tell you fucking fans. I don't know what you mad at me. No, cuz you remind me that guy that was that place in Indianapolis You know that does crackers no the the radio. Oh, yeah, we can't tell

I can't tell oh Bob and Tom. Yeah, I thought it was nice of rich to wear a joke jacket. I thought that's funny We're like a prop coat. I'm gonna joke jacket. That was his leather jacket that doesn't fit him. Oh That's the joke so so you're so yeah, go ahead introduction. Go ahead Okay, we have Liz Russo, as I said, Paul Verzi, Mike Finney, two cute and now Joe List. Yeah, here's that Rich Vos leave. Oh, yeah, he's gone. Argh.

You don't buy the chance. You don't have any more of those Hoyos, do you? I do not, but you know who's behind us. Who's that? Oh, boy. I got a few things for you. Yeah, you got smooth ones. You got these. You got some without a bike. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, tough ones tonight. Yeah, you got smooth ones. You got some of that a bite.

Yeah, yeah, no, no tough ones tonight. Like, yeah, I gotta go smooth. I'm starting to catch a cold. Yeah, well, that's a cold. That has not. Not a cold, but you know, it's starting to get a little. Yeah, me try to work up the smooth. Like we, I drank.

Did he give me a bat last night? This thing was probably one of the, what was the sir winning? I watched the video. He gave me a sir winny, dude. And it was, I'm not gonna lie to you He gave me a sir when he dude and it was, I'm not gonna lie to you. I, it's a great flavor, but that, it was harsh as shit.

Like it was, it was, it was, it wasn't, I like a little, you know, like I like to, the Davidof Nicaraguan doesn't hurt the throat, but then he gave me that Hoyo, what was it to? Hoyo. No, but what was a, yeah, I'm a cure number two. Holy shit, man, I didn't even,

that was, that was number two. I have a perfect number two. That was number two. Little different,. I didn't even that was that was number two Little different little Goes away that place in your video in Elmsford. I went there I might my wedding weekend just randomly and talk to that guy that's in your video You're friends of that guy is a good friend of mine. I got all my wedding cigars from that fella And I not the ones you got me I got those I bought them two boxes of cigars one box not the ones you got me I got those I bought them two boxes of cigars one box one box to see how to be not fuck with boss when he had those Cubans that unwrapped itself. Oh my God you you'll get sick of you to hear this boss goes boss goes hey you smoke you smoke

Cubans you smoke cigars I'm okay he goes come come I got something he gives me lucky you were there and you even told them they were ruined. They were soaking wet. They were soaking. He put him in a ziplock bag. What are you talking about? He was talking in front of him. Yeah. They were soaking wet. And literally they unwrapped itself. I tried to smoke it. It unwrapped itself.

And it was just a long, it was the fucking work. He was sick. You knew right away. Well, it was what he said to me. And I've said this before, he caused me up. Ah, we're doing the roast. I go, all right dude, I'll do it. We're gonna film it.

I go, look, I'm not, all right. We're gonna sell it. We're gonna film it. I go look. I'm not all right We're gonna sell it. I was like do we get a little carried away now We're supposed to do a roast for friends now. You want to film it now? You want to sell it? No? We're gonna split the money I go how who's splitting it? I go with the production company I've never met him so you have me doing the deal. I was like fuck dude What the typical boss all it went from one thing to now, I'm with the production company I've never met. I'm doing a roast, but I'm like, I whatever, you know. Then he goes, dude, I got Cubans for you.

You like Cubans? I go, yeah. So now he's got... No, we were psyched, yeah. I'm like, I'm like, yeah. He goes, I got a box of Cubans for you. I'm like, all right, I'm in. He goes, the guys give me the Cubans. I'm giving them to you the yours. I go, all right, I'm in. He goes, the guys give me the Cubans, I'm giving them to you the yours.

I go, all right, they're mine. I love it. So we do the show that night, I go, where are my Cubans? I'm a fucking around, I want my Cubans. He goes, ah, now this is right after the roast. We just killed, it's great night. He's got a bag of shit with him. Okay, I go, where's the Cubans?

He goes, they're back at the hotel, I go, bus. Unless you have a time machine, Okay, I go, where's the cubans? He goes, they're back at the hotel. I go, bus. Unless you have a time machine. You didn't go back to the hotel between fucking eight minutes ago when the road, the road's ended and now. Why does he have a hotel anyway? Because he always gets a hotel, he's old. He goes, all right, they're in my bag.

I go, all right, great, give them to me. He goes, I'll give you a half. I go, what? He goes, I my bag. I go all right great giving them he goes I'll give you half I go what? He goes I want to keep I go you don't smoke fucking cigars because I know but I'd like to give him out I Go to me you said they were mine. Yeah, you said it's mine There you go, and he goes I'll give you half. I'm like, you know what fuck it We go to I go he goes, but you don't have any way to put him. I go, I do, I got a humidor in my, he takes his out, takes 10 out.

He took 12, 14, gave me not half. So, these little beautiful, little Cubans, they're beautiful. I put him in my humidor, I go, what are you doing with those? He goes, I'm just gonna leave him in the bag. I go, you're a piece of shit. You're a piece of ruined.

You don't even have a humidor. You don't even know humidity is. You don't know what a hydrometer is. You know nothing about keeping cigars. I have a 700 cigar humidor at my house. I have a cigar club on my member of with a cigar box with a key that is at a 70, 72, 71 degrees at all fucking times.

I have, and you're gonna put him in the trunk, you fuck, has monetary to get on a golf course somewhere. You like killins and someone wanna see it, like you. Can I get on the course? Here's a fucking asshole and he dried him out. But first you put him on a bag, a ziploc with a wet paper towel. Yeah, he had him wrapped in a wet paper towel. There was soaking wet.

It was so pretty. When I opened it, it was like somebody just dunked it in water and he goes, no, no, it'll, and I just, I tried to light, and what's fucked up is it was a really great cigar. It was delicious and I just couldn't enjoy it. Yeah, well, I enjoyed Mike 10. Yeah, yeah, I have one left. Yeah, you have so many cigars, it's ridiculous.

Yeah, I'm starting to smoke them though. Um, Liz, starting to smoke them though. Um Liz Back to you I did a lot of crosswords I guess so you wake up and just had to find something to do what time do you go to bed? Whenever they well, they tell us to go to bed and they lock you down. What's up? I don't remember.

How good is gravel did you get? I was excellent at gravel, but the women I'd play with, like, you'd have to like do jailhouse gravel. What's that, you have to do? You know, like, you're so dad. You're so dad. We would do like jail words like Chi Chi. What's Chi Chi mean?

It's a roommates name. It's a jail delicacy. Oh, really? Yeah, you take ramen and you take cheetos and you squish them up and you put them in the microwave, some water and it melts like a sandwich. Where'd you get a microwave? There's a microwave on the on the

the in the common area. Yeah. Do you have a fridge in the common area? No. So how did you get water? Water.

You got out of the sink. You got out of the sink. She's trying to go to sink. I'm like, where does water come from? It's crying to a bowl. Yes. My salty tears. Mike always has a good one

everyone's in a while. But you can't beer, you barely hear it Is your mic lower than everybody else? I'm just my throat's on messed up right now. Okay. Um That's crazy. Yeah, that is crazy. I never fooled around with a woman. No really not in jail What do you think about it? Not in jail. Okay. Do they have a toss salad woman? Not in jail

Do they have a toss salad woman? Nott and Jail. So you messed around with women outside of jail. What you saying? I, you know, drunk days, you know, made him impress. Never ever got that drunk. Where I had a fucking second dick. I pulled her out of the woman one time when I was drinking. Yeah, it's your wife. So a couple of times you messed around with chicks. Yeah, just like kissing and stuff. All right, yeah, nothing nice.

But not in jail. You said shopping. Not in jail. Really, yeah, too much to real. It's very real. I mean, no one should get high in jail. On what? Anything.

Smuggle drugs. I think it's smuggle drugs in jail. No, I never did drugs ever. Just drinking. Booze and donuts. That's it. Like, that's it. Food and booze are my two drugs.

I've never done it in a legal drug. How much weight did you lose in jail? About eight, I would say about 80 pounds. Wow. Whoa. So much to go to jail. What? I didn't say who?

Some of us, you know, they could use some jail time. What? I can't say who Some of us you know they could use some jail time Well, I'm here. I can year and a half. I don't know how long we there. I would multiply her A year did you get a fist fight a fist to cuff to be already asked I asked if she but did you have a break? I was kind of like the counselor like people will come to me and like what about the crying Do you ever have like that first night when it's set in like where you're just like sobbing and they're like well yeah but you're not really allowed to cry because they'll put you in something called the bubble bubble is there crying bubble so yes so you can't so if you're showing extreme emotion about being in prison and your sad and your sad about it you go into this thing called a bubble and they strip

you of your clothes and they put you it's a called a bubble because it's clear so that you're sad and you're sad about it. You go into this thing called a bubble and they strip you of your clothes and they put you, it's called a bubble because it's clear so that you're being watched 24, seven. Oh my God. And you're naked. And you're naked but they give you a like led vest type thing to put over you. Like you have a cavity?

Yes, exactly. Yes. Yeah. What do you do? He knows about the dentist. He knows about the dentist. He knows about the dentist. And they just watch you and you, it's kind of like a suicide watch type of. I did.

I had that. When I was in Juve Hall, they had a bed crunch where they were letting kids go. And they came through me to the dude, you can go home. We have a bed crunch. We have to get more serious kids, criminals in. We're gonna let you go home. Just, we need a place for you to go. And I was like, fuck what?

I called my grandmother up and she's like, okay, great. Just tell me what I got to do. My mother got on the phone and said, you know, I'm taking home home. You cannot. And she called back, she goes, Bobby, you mother won't let me take you. I'm sorry, I'm like, Nan, you're her mother. I go, she was like, I can't do it. And I was like, I fucking, I was just crying in my bed.

I think I was 14. I was just crying in my fireproof mattress in a cube. And they came in, they took me, they made me take, they took all my clothes except my undies and I just sleep on the floor in this office on night so I didn't kill myself. Uncomfortable. It's terrible. It's almost,

because I didn't kill myself. Uncomfortable. Yeah. It's just a really hard floor. It's not a lot of carpeting at all. You never really think about killing yourself until you naked on a floor. Yeah.

You're like, this is fun. You're like, I'm gonna get my clothes back before I do this fucking thing. Yeah. And I'm not gonna hang myself with shoelaces. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, whatever holds. Yeah, I'm not, well, back then I do this fucking thing. And I'm not gonna hang myself with shoelaces. You know what I mean? It's like whatever holds. Yeah, I'm not, well, back then I was sure that.

Oh, I got it. What is that? A fat unfanned crime. I hope it's not your crime. I was talking about that. You used to be. You're not fat. Me and you are always, you're chubby.

And you know what you are too? Can I say something? Because you're a model too. People don't know that about you You're a oversized model Absolutely not that's what no one calls it oversized She a big a big rig

So you wanted a fat one You both got me. Listen, so you're an oversized. Come, boys. Yeah, plus size. So you wanted a fat one? Hey, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry. No, you're not. I'm not offended. I know, but you're not fat, by the way, at all. Yeah, I don't agree with that assessment.

But what the fuck was saying? You want an oversized one? Plus size. She's not fat. That's what I said. But she's plus size. I mean, I'm not one over size one? Plus size. She's not fat. That's what I say. I see, but she's plus size. I mean, I'm not this anymore, but I'm not, you know. I mean, you're plus size, I'm plus size too, I don't care.

So you're addicted to like, I think Liz, you're fucking pretty. I got a pretty face. You've got a pretty body to your proportionate. Yeah, it's that. You're very proportionate. That helps too, it helps with the modeling thing. I haven't done the modeling thing for a while.

She get underwear, plus size. Yeah, too. It helps with the modeling thing. I haven't done the modeling thing for a while. She did. On the way, I saw plus size. Yeah, I'm on the cover of Thermal Underwear. But you kept the ones from prison. So I've been prison. I've been on Thermal. Did you hand your underwear? Did you hand your big underwear down to somebody you needed them?

No. Hey, these will mine. Pay it forward. Pay this forward. Someday you're going to be called in a cell in the bubble. Go to a wall. It's under a rock. There's some spotting, but I cleaned that up the sink. So you said to drink and you stopped for seven years, but you said you're addicted to donuts.

Food. You said it's sweet, right? Yeah. So I got out of jail. I started drinking again again. But the 80s out of that. You got out of fucking jail and started drinking again. I got two public junkiness while I'm parole after I got released from prison. What's wrong with you? I one of it, one of them was during my day job. I left for lunch and never came back.

What? What did you drink a choice that you would get so sloshed up? I mean, at that point, I would drink whatever, but I was a whiskey and micro-brew person if I had money. If not, it'd be like, natty ice or like. What kind of English question is that? What did you partake? Sloshed.

We'll see. Yeah. So if she's getting publicly drunk so many times that it's like, you know, it's happening. It's obviously got to be so hard liquor was my, it was gonna be my guess. So you can't drink, like you can, like you, you can. No.

Maybe not. Yeah. I don't know if I can spend the year in jail. The first day she got a fucking fifth in a donut. I will say, how much and never came back. How delicious did that fifth taste, I mean, the first one after prison though.

That must have been like a good. I probably was good for about a year before I start. Well, even that, I'm probably lying to myself. I mean, probably was less than a year and started sneaking, you know, like a beer here and there, all I'm fine. I wasn't alcoholic, I just, I just, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Did you have don't you know you have don't it's the first day you get out? Subway cookies wow What was the first thing you did when you got out? Where'd you go?

No one picks me up so I my saddest thing I've ever heard how did you get home? Well my house is actually a block away from the jail. Are you kidding me? What did you have parents out of a step? No my house like the house that I like own. You have a house. I have a house. You own a house. And it's a block from your jail. Technically, my parents own house. They don't live there.

They live in North Carolina. So the house that you live in, but the house is, yeah. It's your rock. They gave it to you. And it's a block away from you. That's amazing. What a fucking nightmare.

Your house is a block away. An empty, beautiful, beautiful, really. I'm just like, was the drawer out the window? Who's in the house while you were in prison? Anybody? No. So you walked to your, you walked a block through a house.

I walked, I left jail. I'm like, wow, I'm out of jail. And then I just walked a block home. Was this furniture? You're like, oh, yeah, I'll make some. She eats off a couch. They didn't, they didn't disconnect my TV, so I TV. As soon as I got out of this.

That's a house. Yeah. She'd go home, a block home. Now, did you have any of your prison friends be like, yo, yo, I'm gonna walk over when I'm out. What was that voice you did? I noticed that it felt like it was kind of a certain race that you chose.

No, I'm just, yo, yo, yo. It's a prison voice. Yo, yo. Yes, yo, yo, yo. I got it. Interesting choice. Interesting acting choice. That was her nickname yo yo, it's a prison voice yo yo. Yeah, yo yo. Yeah, yo Interesting choice interesting acting choice that was her nickname yo yo yo yo Dieter listen Oh Did you beat off as soon as you got home? I feel like that would be the first thing I did. No put that on your mic

Oh, let you watch the show you Did I what beat off did you say beat yeah? I said beat off, but you know what I mean? Bobby's not a beer Jesus, what are you doing? No, I was a hinnokin. I got nervous me. I'm gonna go back out Saying yo, yo, you're drinking hinnokin. I don't know what happened here I'm one Imagine-bomb. Imagine Liz and Bobby just said fuck it one night.

They just went out together. Everybody just bought you guys shit. Oh my god. I feel like you guys would fuck within 30 seconds on the first script. And then fight. Yeah. I'd be safe.

I'd be safe. I'd be safe. I'd be fucking her with a donor mouth. What a flip-point. There would be a lot of flip-point. Yeah. Oh my god. I'd be hot. I had a buddy who was having in high school Yeah, there would be a lot of food for yeah I had a buddy I had a buddy who was having in high school and he quit smoking in college and the way he Substituted it was he bought a dozen

Dunkin donuts and he just kept it in his passenger seat and every time Every time he wanted to cigarette he would just fucking just eat a glazed or something So he's dead man, right? No, he ended up going on one of those like he was one of those guys that ended up losing a hundred like. Oh wow. He was gonna either go, he was either gonna go like dead or he just fucking changed everything. But I know why the fuck you have donuts anything goes, yeah, I can't smoke. And I was like, Jesus man. Yeah. Donuts aren't that fucking good. Well, yeah. Like I went to fashion. Well, no, yeah. I'm like, you're fucking tongue there, Paul. With the fat camp. I went to fat camp. What do you have to be institutionalized to do anything?

It's pretty much and I like donut rehab. It's really is. Yeah, it's fat guy jail. It is I swear. Wow. So you got a you got a More crying there You are the bubble the glaze is much different We had Barry in a bubble but he chewed his way. So you went to fat camp to before jail or after jail? Oh no. Before like age 10 like through my mid 20s. Oh they the parents put you in it. You've just been in facilities. I am. They're against the taste. your parents put you in fat jail? Yeah. What did you want to do? Yeah, I'm that fat jail.

I'm that fat jail. That's fat jail. Buddy, let me tell you something. You're fucking sure of as much a fatty's in your head, and you can't eat fucking donaget and trisket and cucumbers. And there was like smuggling in there too. Who was there with that fat camp? You'd have friends on the outside, send you teddy bears.

I got a chocolate munchkin in my asshole. Why is Liz walking funny? She's got three baby rooster in her car. Oh man. Wow, what a fucking life. I know you're sober seven years. Seven years in jail. I'm good for you.

Thank god Liz. I know you're sober seven seven years seven years and January. Thank god Liz. I know. Seriously. Thank God. Now you're now you're full bore in the comedy. Yeah. It's back then you were ending out. Yeah. I mean it was you know, it was thought like even like if you honest is still here like I went to college with the honest. What? To go to college. Yeah. Did you and you honest ever? No. He's like like like a Greek brother. But like he has drunk stories. I mean we we've gotten drunk together. Yeah. I haven't know. Did you and your honest ever? I mean, no, he's like, like a Greek brother. But like he has drunk stories. I mean, we've gotten drunk together. Really?

Yeah, I haven't seen him since I went away. So, but yeah. So, probably would have been great to see him. Too bad he got, I know, too bad to go. He screamed out of the building. Too bad he picked his warm up. Yeah.

He broke a card number. He picked a, Shwarm over his face. what did I miss? Oh there was You honest got scream that by Robert now Yeah, it is fucking cock sack of rolls in Joe Eating a shwamma round up, but not being like fucking Tony Danza Hey, hey, no Gloria. He's the boss comes and eating it. I'm like good the fuck you're doing Glorious is song isn't it wasn't glory was I don't fucking know

I watch the show twice. I'm gonna be Gloria. What's new? Oh Angela Mona Mona was the mom. Yeah, Moana's it's a little bit But he knows he's not supposed to eat up here. Yeah, you're really not supposed to eat up Can I take can I just tell you what he I wrote over? He's fucking chill and I go dude, but the fuck he still bites takes another bite Listen how to go I know what the fuck Joe I tell you what really happened. This is what happened I was downstairs and I was at my moons and I just wanted to get a swarm because I didn't eat dinner. So Yana's goes I'm gonna get one two so we get him and I just wanted to get a swarm because I didn't eat dinner. So Yannis goes, I'm gonna get one too.

So we get him and I go, fuck dude, I got three minutes to go upstairs and that's when you text me. I could literally take two bites of this thing and go up there. He goes, yeah, you're not allowed to eat on the podcast. Can you know the podcast? So I go, all right, so I go, dude, I have two bites. It's like nine o'clock, I wake up, wake up, I have to say this. He goes, I'm gonna come up and say hello.

He's eating his thinking, I'm not on the podcast, so I'm just gonna eat mine. So we come up, we come in, Vos follows us, and Bobby's just, he was hot already thinking I'm not on the podcast. So I'm just gonna eat mine. So we come up we come in boss Follows us and Bobby just he was hot already Bobby starts going around and what the fuck this thing goes no eating in here No, he starts fucking freaking out. Y'all is fucking like not cowards, but like starts backing No, he doesn't know he was smiling fucking when he went back though. He left. He went like this Yeah, but that's a hit me ahead and, goes. Yeah, that's a good one. And then took a bite and he smiled.

Fuck that, he smiles. Then I'm like, this motherfucker just smiled and winked. Winked, he gave me the fucking Brooklyn boys. What are they? The Bay Ridge boys. Bay Ridge boys. Bay Ridge, Bay Ridge. He gave me a Bay Ridge boy fucking nod.

Like fuck you, you fuck. He's like, no fucking food in here dude. I got half a falafel, I just quietly put it down and I just put it over there and Bobby looked at it and he just Where's the honest where the fuck and gets up and Storms storms storm around that thing as if he got hit. He doesn't need your help Was this on air? Yeah, this fucking hype man next to pop like version needs a hype man It's the fucking biggest hype this cock second tells it the most amazing story ever and I got this twink on Crazy

Bobby go daddy Bobby gets up and fucking leaves like a whirlwind tornado What's up in flip-side? He's hot. On fire. Shut up. And then he went, the best was five minutes later by, he goes, I get him on the fire, I don't apologize. It was crazy. Look, everybody knows I'm a little hotheaded sometimes. Yeah. Right?

I've worked on that for a long time. What? It's a memory. Well, I, I, you write, wellmer any well I I you right well he I go on the hall like everybody nervous shut up you're only got your your name pops up my phone I go fuck fuck fuck I guess like this unlike this is that true hello yeah I'm like hello all right my name won't pop up anyway oh no so there you go no but what's it's no my name no my name won't pop it down that's hot head it shut the

I swear to God you shiny for it fucking gorgeous man There you go Joe my name won't pop up. It's great. All right. There you go perfect good That's just mad shit I need a drink yeah. I went on the hallway and I'm like, Janice, what the fuck, dude? I mean, he's smiling. Just smiling at me. So you're fucking mad at me, Vogue. Get mad at me.

Get mad at me, Vogue. I can't help it. Just try. Can I get mad at me? Just be me. Be me. You're being me, I'm Janice. Yeah, you were like,

dude, what the fuck? I told you, no eating in the studio. Yeah, I know, man, I know. Yeah. Yeah, I can see the studio. I know man. I know Yeah, I Know I thought you I thought you meant the other thing and then you keep y'all not mean keep y'all That's just keep y'all not man. I told you to not fucking be in there with the smart I do I know and then I got a show going on you know we could get You know mad Paul you know a little fucking mad.

I got a text from you know what he said before you called. What? He said this. Oh, shit. Because before you called, he goes, he goes, tell Bobby, look, met no disrespect. Yeah. Yeah, he was, he was being really nice.

You know, thank you. He was just, are you making this up or are you reading it? No, yo, tell Bobby. Talk on the microphone. He said, yo, tell Bobby, I thought it meant eating on the podcast. Uh, Bobby was hot, meant no disrespect. I know. I call him a Paul. And you call it and you call it an apartment. I call it before that. I apologize before that. I felt bad. Hey, guys, you know what? If you can't help, look, I'm very fucked up.

You know, it's a tough day. I have a lot of anxiety, it's not a tough day. I'm bad with anxiety. I have a lot of, doing the tonight show. Yeah. All these sets I've been doing, been on the road since September, haven't seen my son.

I get sick to my stomach. And it all goes back to the time. When I, right when I had my kid, I called Verzy and his kid was just like, my kid is now and he's like, buddy, when you go on the road, that's the worst. Like, what do you mean? He goes, my kid knows now.

He goes, what are you taking a plane or a car? And if I say plane, he goes, all right, because he knows I'm gonna be, I'll see you when you get back. I've never heard the saddest story in my life. Broke my fucking heart, and now I'm going through it. My kid last night grabbed me by the neck and said, don't go, I want you to just deal with me.

And I was like, dude, I gotta go. And he's like, please, just stay, I want you to watch a movie. You just thought you talked to him like a mobster? Dude, I gotta go. And there was nothing that could be done. The fuck are you with, team? I got to go. And it was nothing that could be done. The fucking routine. And it's nothing. You sure didn't have anything to do with the crazy fucking horror that was running around

here with the tits out. The fuck don't call her horror. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The actress. The performance artist. The performance artist. The performance artist. The performance artist. The performance artist. The performance artist. I'm sorry to the actress

The artist the artist that was the performance artist My fucking belt on that one. Holy shit. I almost cut myself open on my belt buckle Well, it was yeah, it's been a crazy fucking day. I'm exhausted. I can't wait for, I can't wait to have a day off. I need it. And then, you know, it's just a lot of stress. All good stuff. I'm just bad with anxiety. I'm not good with anxiety.

You know, and then we got kicked, the whole thing got, we got kicked off a riot cast thing again. Jesus Christ, we didn't care. We didn't care work. No, the YouTube riot cast page is shut down again. Cause these fucking two-cut fans, I put those in quotes, little rat-fink fuck fucks.

Yeah, you finks. Yeah, they fucking reported us. How long do you get for having tits? It's a spatter for. What'd you say? Not tits, but nipples. Who said that? Tits.

I'm asking for nipples. Oh, yeah. I'm so fat. I'm so fat, I'm so secure. I thought you said, because you have tits. Oh, I'm not. I'm not so fat. I'm so fat. I'm so fat. It's a cure. I thought he's a cuz you have tits You scan the room. He said that I know So they report why would they report you shouldn't say hey all right tits free tits How do you say free tits?

You can't have titties. I said that at the beginning yet get a put cover the nipples will find if we cover the nipples She could have flipped out all she wanted why didn't she just put she just we tried to but fucking Lewis Pimped Zach and everybody out of it. He's like, fuck that don't fucking do it Everybody's like, okay, actually I think because the tape and through it actually I think because of the time that it got pulled It was her putting her hand in Dan's pants that people started what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, what that's when people report she was grabbing his car She literally I like and can I touch your cock and then in fact she actually grabbed his dick while asking so it was really kind of a Salt to be honest I would still wait under the pants and shit over the pants

But she was like can I grab your dick and I was like asking while doing it Which is I've read quite a bit about in recent weeks and that's a no-no. It's not preferred Yeah, it's not you is hype man now to everybody's okay good preferred method. Yeah, yeah Well, it was actually a salted on the show. Yeah with a smile Yeah, yeah, you got sexually assaulted the way you should I also got motorbutted. Did he really? Yeah, I have it on video. Yeah, there was a lot of crazy shit on that one So I was yeah, there's a lot of missing pieces It was nuts. It was not a lot happened everybody showed up late I was not late. I'm early. I was 20 minutes early. Don't throw in everybody. I've never been late for the show once ever

All right, so I've beat you here several times and I beat you for pleasure that one time Lewis was late of course of course the chick was late and Liz was late too. Yeah, anyway Who booked the chick? How did you get ahead? I'm just curious. I wonder how do you get a what have star on a show? Laney who I love, who works with, you know, Jim and Sam, Oby Anthony, Oby and Jim, just Jim, all those shows. What do the fucking show? Um, she, she books all these points, doesn't show how come? Come on, we've had, we last year we had a, Lewis, that was his gift of trans, you know, a trans point star.

It was really hot black dude girl. And she came in and gave this year, Lady Clause, she goes, would you for the Yankee swap, like a topless lap dance from one of my girls? And I was like, yeah, sure, that's great. That'll be mine, $20 lap dance. You know, it's got to be on it, $20. So I bought an extra gift just in case,

because I knew it was going to go foul. She came in and just fucking sat on Dan's lap and was just giving him though. I'm like, he's doing my gift, that's my gift. He's just giving away to fucking everybody love soda. Fuck, it's so annoying how much you can't help but like him. Every chick wants to bang him, but not bang him. Love him, like wants him as their guy. I have the same problem and it's frustrating. No you don't. I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I each other. Looking at him and I'm going, I don't know what they're saying, but I think it's somewhere along the lines of like, I'll fuck them.

Like, it was that for sure. Everybody, I mean, girls in here, raise your hand if you don't think Dan's cute. Raise your hand if you wouldn't fucking- You would send that backwards. If you wouldn't be- Raise your hands if you do not think- So it should be- Raise your hand if you-

Go away, weren't it confused me too? Dan's a good-looking guy. If you don't think he's cute. If you think Dan's cute keep raise your hand if you Worded it confused me too. If you don't think he's cute if you think dance cute raise your hand If you would date Dan raise your hand if he was single and wanted to date you seriously He is so I'd say no because he's a comic really if Dan though soda was like I like you a lot that's smart She's smart look at me. No look at me comic you wouldn't get a comic. I'm married to a lot. That's smart. She's smart. Look at me. No. Look at me. Comic. You wouldn't get a comic. I'm married to a comic.

Oh God, that's horrible. That's horrible. Yeah, but you guys were, uh-huh. Jesus Christ. It's great about it. You hate all the same people. If you're dating, I can go home and go fucking Bobby doing that. And she's like, oh my God, he's the world, you know?

But if it's not, if I'm married, you want to come. I'm going to say, I have to go this guy, Robert. He's really loud and boisterous. It makes me nervous. I call him. He's the lead Joe's number. He's really. He's really my phone mic.

It's the lead Joe. He's nervous around him. I know. I know people like that, but the way she just ran the pulp. Yeah, well, the rape cover up He's gonna great there to know all the same people I can go it she can go who's there? I go verzy fainty, you know, I would think oh, yeah, I know those guys It's otherwise if you're dating a civilian or married to a civilian you have to go. Yeah, there's this guy Yeah, no, it's great. No, you know you go on me go. How was your day good? What's going on with the kid?

What are you doing? What are you talking about life? You don't talk about this fucking shit business? This is part of life, Bob. It's part of my AA part of my life, not my life. He said AA, was that like a deep seated thing that actually came in? No, I said I go home, I talked to my wife about all this shit. She doesn't ask me how is the podcast. Well, Joe is fucking kind of rather mean today and said to mean shit.

Who are you doing? Her or you? I'm doing her. Oh, or you? I'm doing her. Oh, and me. I'm doing mine. I don't know. I have no idea. All right, what is your new year's resolution?

Oh, shit. This is Rose, Dawn Seed in a different title. What the fuck? No, he's in. Yes, you took my game and you're disguising it. I don't know, start with the show. Oh no, I'm not starting. Don't tell me what I am the fucking master up the show stop telling me what to do

You know for three weeks and you're already fucking running the show The fuck I know dubbing I've been saying the same thing you haven't said anything I said plenty just couldn't see it because my mouth What is it? What is it just say something? I don't know what is it just say something Don't do that Mike what's your new use resolution? It is to

Continue to Hang on one second Liz Where is he? What is your news? I'm gonna put it on. I'm gonna put it on. Hang on one second, Liz. Kaysha didn't know you're next. Oh crap. I'm gonna cut back on the booze, and I'm gonna cut back on the cigars. Really? For the first, definitely the first three months of 18,

I'm gonna cut back 50% of my cigars, and I'm gonna cut back a lot of booze. Maybe even won't even booze for the first 90 days. That's great. Just to try to get a cleanse in. Nice. You know, I know it's not gonna last a whole year because that's the thing with new His resolution if you say you're not gonna do the whole year You gotta just give yourself a fucking short term goal and knock it out. Right. What are the time? I tried to not drink for February Because it's the shortest month

It's just the Super Bowl. I mean there's everything there's so many things happen in February December's in in in possible and Denver's Seniors in posse but mean, there's everything. So many things happen. And if that be where I- December's in my- In December's in Posth. In December's in Posth, but then November, there really is no good month. October you got Halloween, the summer's the summer. I mean, it's really- Little march.

There's nothing in my- Say, Patty's day. I'm proud of all the IE-Rish blood that's in me. All right. Liz, what is your thing? Your- Your new Year's resolution. What's your oversized resolution? I'd work on my book slash one person show.

You're doing a book about your life? Since we started talking about jail and stuff, it's kind of resurfaced where I want to's what I want to I want to you want to do that tackle that get it done Right a book, you know be great book something. I need something to happen my year my year in jail. Yeah Maybe something like Don't answer my gateway. What about this bars bars like is it's like the bar? I can't wait, you're like, what about this bars bars? Like, is this like the bar?

Like, you're at a bar again. Like bars bars bars bars behind bars. Feel like you're talking about that. Bars bars and bars. These behind bars. Joke bars and vets like that. I remember bars bars and vets. I remember you were like,

Versailles view and then you go like this and you go, think about it. Paul's next special, Versailles view. You're good at shit like that. And bars, bars, you're shitty. If you name your next special Versailles View. You're good at shit like that. At bars. Oh, shitty. If you name your next special Versailles View, I will fucking unfriend you in life.

Robbie. I love you. Robbie. Yeah, Robbie. The fuck is, how do we Canadian? Hey, Robbie. Bobby. Hey, Robbie, it's a Versailles View.

Bobby, I would never name it that, but I said he's good at those names. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. No, but it's a clever plan. It's a bird's eye view. Bobby, I would never name it that, but I said he's good at those names. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. No, but it's a clever plan. It's a clever plan. I can't wait. He's good at Sesame Street shit.

It's a good plan word. Thank you. I appreciate it. You somehow did a great Bob Dylan impression as a Canadian. Bobby. It was like, probably the best impression you've ever done and it wasn't on purpose.

Your Canadian is a perfect Bob Dylan you're very mean What all you would do is fucking assaulting me and then fucking making saying mean accusations I said you did a great Bob Dylan impression. I said you make me uncomfortable That's nice Joe what is your new is resolution? I would be nice to your friends friends. Sorry, but. My new year's resolution is, well, I think I'd like to be more part of the show. I feel like I was away from the show for a while

because I had some psychological problems and some dental problems. And then I come back and there's a bunch of fresh faces here. This guy, I thought he lived in Texas. He does. Gabby, I never even heard of. She's explaining to me how the show works. Zach is, she's got a terrifying,

confidence problem. And Zach is like Wilson from Home Improvement, just as fucking head sticks over the thing. It's a weird sin. Look, Zach has got his shit together. Michael moved here. He's here now, and he's like, Gabby will work on it.

I mean, last show I go, the last show I go, Gabby, go get everybody drinks. During the show, everyone wants to, I go, Gabby, she goes, why do I have to do it? All right. Let me do it. I mean, the last show I go, like, the last show I go, Gabby, go get everybody drinks during the show. Everybody wants to go, Gabby, she goes, why do I have to do it? All right. Let me do it. I'll be right back. Hang on one second. You know what, dude? We'll be right back. It's Gabby's, Gabby, run the show for a second, but we're working it out. She's got a little confidence problem. She has made what I like before. And I got, we worked it out.

She's doing great. We're all getting this together. But let me tell you something, Joe, the best team I've had so far is these guys. What about me and Dan and Lewis? They're behind the scenes. Oh, right. But they're on camera. They're on camera too. They deserve to be. Yeah. All right. They're doing great. She's fucking doing great. Zach. I mean, they're all killing me. Just a little Latino heavy now. I got you. You know, I won't be. You don't know Gabby. If you know what I'm saying, this is a heavy Latina now. I got you fine. You know what I mean? You don't know Gabby. If you know what I'm saying. This is a heavy Latina.

That's the whole of this. Dude, who you can? Who you in two months is gonna be some fucking Asian kids sitting back there? What the fuck, what happened? To Lisa and Rarri are you doing that? That is not me. That's fine.

I'm not doing that. You only most small enough to make that sound to you. I'm not the one doing that. There's no way. Look at the size of her mouth. Look at that mouth. You guys have the same mouth, by the way. Who does that mean?

Those two, you have the same exact mouth. Great teeth. Look at the most small like this. Look, go like this. Great teeth on that. Look at the same mouth. That's the same white, perfect mouth. Versi, Mo, what's your resolution?

Scream it. You reconnect more with my family. Oh wow. Okay, good, steep. The one in Egypt? Yes. Geez, we're in trouble. The...

Sleeper, so... I never, he never... I reconnect more with my religion, great. Right now. I was talking to you. I want to fucking X-NAM, the cigars. It texts me with the fly. Give me a favor. Why'd my fingerprints open? Yeah. I like how you're wrapping your cigars now, a fucking X-NAM, the cigars. Text me with the fly. Give me a favor, wipe my fingerprints off me.

I like how you're wrapping your cigars now, like fucking mini-bombs. Oh, is that it? Mo, Mo gives you a sec, he has his cigars like this. Listen. Speaking of mini-bombs, let's plug our dates. What about my friend over here on the couch? Mike? Mike.

No, his name's Mike. Oh, jeez. Look at those guy back there. Well, my friend over here on the couch. Mike? Mike. No, his name's not Mike. Oh, jeez. That was a guy back there. He even the mic. Mike. Mike Goose. I know he's hiding.

I don't know why he's hiding. Well, you should have sat in the middle so we could see you. But go ahead. What's up? What's your name? Aaron. Aaron, yeah, you been on before. No, you met me.

I did the sketch, the tough ground sketch. I don't think that's coming. Yeah, that we got. That's awesome. That's awesome. How did you show him the frame we tough ground sketch. I don't think that's coming. Yeah, that we got. That's getting that's. Awesome. Yes. How did you show them the frame we got? No.

No. I'm framed. We got framed. You're actually doing the, you know what it would be great to if we did the, but I told you the, yeah, you want it. Norton, Patrice, Burr. Yeah. And then, and then what we should do is the new generation, right?

You get fucking Joe, Lewis. What's his name? Soda, Ferzzi, Janus, and maybe, maybe who else No way that Mike. No, he is talking directly into it Wait, you do all the art. You did all that art shit. I just did a I did drew Keith Colin boss and Bobby when they were all okay. It's amazing. Oh, that's fucking awesome. Yeah, it's really great Yeah, no dude. That's town that I can't like that's fucking. Yeah, but there's a day I love art. I went to art. I was gonna be an art teacher. I was gonna go to transfer to Mass College of Art.

But what I, you know, what he does and what certain artists of this show, like Howard Porter, certain people, like, and they know who they are, artists that have done stuff for this show. It's a, he, his shit is great. We should have a contest, because I could draw. You keep me in you. I could draw.

No, I'm not saying. Are you challenged me to do a drawing contest? Draw. What you should do is you should find out all the people that do your podcast. Yeah. Who's the best drawer like that, you know, and just fucking, we do something where we get like a half hour 45,

with a canvas in the fucking, you know, canvas, you draw the paper, you know, you know what I mean? You pay, don't count. I was using canvas, they said canvas with somebody draw the paper, you draw in cans. You know what I mean? You paint on canvas. I was using canvas, they say canvas with somebody gets a tattoo. You know what I mean? Say, you know, the blank page.

Your body is your canvas. Thank you. He gets it. You fucking hype man. You really? He talks like a, this is called travel with them. Here's the thing.

Here's the thing, somebody's got to pick what we draw. You can't pick it. Fine. Okay. And we'll do like category, whether it's animal, or so. No, why we have him pick it. We'll have him back on the show. He'll pick what we draw. You can't pick it. Fine. Okay. Yeah. And we'll do like category, whether it's like animal, also. Okay. No, why we have him pick it.

We'll have him back on the show. He'll pick what we draw. And then we have to draw. How long would you say is a reason of amount of time for us to be able to have like one thing with 15 minutes? 15 minutes. 15 minutes. 15 minutes?

That's it. What are we going colors? What are we going colors? No. We're just going black. We're doing charcoal. I just drew Bob This is the most insulting I look like fat Albert that lost 50 pounds. That's pretty good This is I drew your lips luck shuus lups you I said he had good lips earlier and it got real on the best

The best you you'd see the best lips in the biz. Yeah, I get good lips. All right. Let's out where are we at? I mean What's your new year's resolution brother? To make some money doing the art. Oh, Shit, that's awkward. I will get a new one. You're the best artist One big one money. We're running short on time here. Yeah, if you guys need anybody to sketch some shit look them up. Anyways What's up? What are you doing? Nothing? All right? All right, let's wrap this up. We're gonna go. What were you smoking tonight? What was your new year's resolution? My new year's resolution like My new year's resolution is to You got all mad at Gabby for not being ready. No, I'm trying to work.

Listen, you two gang up on me. I swear to God. I'll replace you with a fucking annuished swear to God. I don't do it. I really for a second. Like the last two Mississippi that happened. The amount of people when you just the amount of people that are checking their podcasts and I go, what the fuck is going on? I was like, dude, I hope he's not fucking. We must be really stressed out. That's like this motherfucker. I know he's not fucking me must be really stressed out Like this motherfucker. I know he's vulnerable, but I think you just had a fucking yeah

He's too fucking soon. Are you fucking yeah, yeah, I'd those Gabby the last day the first one was Mike I can't do Mike. What is it? What is it you You got a go on? I I want to be less angry. Yes. Yes. Shut up. That would be awesome. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. You bugging me. You bugged me more than anybody. You trigger me. So good job. What? Yeah. Why dog? Listen dog. Who here? Did you marry anyone? Anyone out here asked you to be the signature point of the wedding What just this guy. Yeah, yeah, you did. I love you buddy. I love you I love you my uncle my uncle texted look at there. We are look at boom My uncle texted and said hey Robert Kelly's on Syria. He sent me to text. He said ordained minister lol Yeah, all right there you go. All right.

Well, it looks like we settled it. No, thank you very much. Yeah. I want to be less angry. I'm trying to work on that. I'm trying not to attach a motion to my anxiety and I'm trying to deal with my anxiety because the more you get in this business,

the more stuff you have to deal with. The bigger this podcast gets, the more stuff, no, but I'm not good with anxiety. I'm just not good with it. It'd be okay if I was good with anxiety. I'm just not. And that's when I, when I start, oh, I can't remember this.

I can't, and that, I get this, and I get that, and it starts to, I don't know what the fuck, and then somebody does something and I fucking lose it. What comes, what comes you down? Like what comes me down? What are your jobs? That I don't go. What comes you down? Like what comes me down for jobs? That I don't go. So go.

So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. So go.

So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. So go.

So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. So go. change your life but all meditation is you know what it's sitting in it here's what meditation is it's it's sitting around everybody acts like oh you got to fuck you sit around with nothing no distractions and you fucking relax I mean I take a time out all meditation and fuck up to two to five minute time out you know next time me and stay to your fight and I'm just gonna have it on speaker and I'm just gonna as soon as like I say something. He's gonna come in. I mean, you got to get some points. I mean, you got to, you know, I mean, Stacy, he's telling the truth. It was a marriage

as a given take. What is every but I'm just saying, I don't like how people make it like this fucking like it's this crazy ancient for all you do is you sit down in a room without TV. Dark, relax. You kind of just close your eyes, you think to yourself, you kind of clear your head. That's really all it is. It's not something, people make it like it's more. That's a lot. That's a lot. That's a lot.

Sitting down and relax. That's so hard. Don't just do something, sit there. He really can make these things up first. That's not mine, that's an old adage. I fucking hate him. Are you smoking tonight? Yeah, look just smoke. Alright. Fuck. No, that's my thing. I would like to do that. I hope by that I'll lose weight.

I'll get back into shape and blah, blah, blah. Through that, calming down a little bit, you know, I have to. You didn't ask me or Zach, by the way. I'm not done. Well, yeah, we close with you. You're the most important. I'm just, I'm wondering what someone asked me. What do you want me to do?

What do you want to do, Mike? Be less fat. It was, that's it. Ha ha ha. No way. I was, I was, I was too sexy when I started the podcast. I'm 343 now. Oh Go for you. You know this for three weeks. Oh

Three months. Oh wow, that's a still impressive. That's five and a third pounds a month. It's great any tips Walk and don't eat. Yeah, he has to move to a town you can't afford Go you can go back to prison if you want Zach what about you? Oh I like yours. I want to be less angry, but I've also thought about it a lot and I want to sleep less I want to try to not to sleep. It's gonna help you anger. It's a real bad one That's gonna help it's one of the worst ones. I want to sleep less and not be as angry.

Yeah, pretty much. I'm looking to toss and turn for a year. Yeah. I'm gonna pick up a co-cabbit. Hey, Gabby, what's yours? I want to build more material. I made a goal for myself. I'm a new comic. I made a goal for myself a half an hour by December and I want another. Can you do me a favor? Yeah. Can you stop saying, hey guys, on your Instagram? Hey guys. It goes through me like a fucking knife. I follow her. I follow her and I follow stories.

She does good stories. Every story, hey guys, like this thousand. Like she's Justin Bieber. There's two people going. Justin Bieber. Bieber. Bieber, you mother. You're an opposite height man for me.

Nah, you just, you know, been attacking me. I felt like I needed to. I said, you're good looking, you're beautiful eyes. You have a twinkle, I fuck your mouth. What have I said? What have I said? What are you talking about? Bobby's right, he's the best.

That's the best. What are you doing, Joe? I'm writing down titles. I'm sitting in this chair and I still wrote down titles. And I buzzed a couple of people in earlier. I'm really doing a lot of internal type jobs. Hey, you're fulfilling your fucking New Year's resolution. You're trying to have my share.

Just trying to have my share. I mean, he's in that chair now, just saying. I got some good titles here. Okay. We're gonna end this podcast up. Yeah, I'm gonna choose through that refrigerator and get that shwarma. I just don't want to pursue off.

Where's your way to go? Oh, no, that'll change your friendship. Where you at, Varys? Look at that, and get that Shorma. I just don't want to pursue off. That'll change your friendship. Where you at, Varys? Look at that. Fuck, look at that. Godfather. Oh, yeah. Where you at?

I'm screwed. Go to his place. I just have the only dates that are up there now are the ones New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve. Tommy Nitchie. And Rich Voss, we're doing the co-host music. Call and the egg. Let me take some of co-host music hall and the egg in

Let me take some of co-hosts. I just did it. What's fucking awesome? Is it yeah cool? I'm doing you're gonna love co-host. I had a blast at that theater. Yeah, what a weird little creepy town Yeah, but it's this cool. It's awesome. You're gonna love it. Yep My co-host is Do the egg yeah yeah the egg is fucking so we're doing so we're looking at look at the times

one's eight and one's eight so what he's doing is after you're done he's taking you to the other one and doing it that way so what I'm going to try to do is since it's all of me I'm going to try to speed

home and get home before the ball drops okay this used to do it all time I be with my family I'm going to try he's to have you in Sanisoda and then drive it all you do a show like you jump in a you in San Asoda and then drive you to all of me

to do a show. Like you'd jump in a car, drive to Albany, and then go on stage at the other club back in the day. All right, we'll go to Paul Verzi duck. By the way, happy new year everybody. And yeah, man, it's been fun being on the show this year. And hopefully you have me back. I'm sorry about the swammy.

I don't know. Come on. I mean, after what happened with you, we're going to test your anger. We're gonna have everybody come in with a fucking sandwich. What the fuck? Everybody like January 15th, just come in with a fucking lunch bag and see what Bobby does.

How's that resolution going? Yeah. Yeah, honestly, I'm like, fuck that anger. I'm sorry, I love you. Yeah, this is one of the mother. He's one of the regs. Yeah, you know what I mean? He's one of my boys. He's one of the guys that fucking got this thing off the ground back in the day. So I love him, but that I was like a carrier way. Who are you pointing to on that page by the way of your website?

I don't know. That was actually a joke in the shoot. We were joking in the shoot. They're just going to just fuck around and I did that. And I think my manager just put it on the show's page. I actually think it works. Yeah, it's great. Oh, I thought you were gone, I thought you were. You know what would be fun if you put a little,

your other fingers on this side. So it looks like your arm is really long. And then you're holding the dates. Joe has ideas. I hear it. You're a good idea man. I mean it would be fun. I mean, the thought of your style of comedy, but if you were like, look along my arms.

You were like a silly or comic. What do you have beside you? What do you have besides a record? Wow, look at that photo. I need a better schedule than my Google calendar over here. But I mean, new port news, at Cosys Comedy Club, headlining this weekend, next weekend, Harrisburg,

oh yeah, because I forgot I was new years. It's Harrisburg Comedy Zone. All right, great. And then go to LizRusso.com, the LizRusso.com. Very funny girl has come back from the depths of craziness. Thanks for having me, man. You come on again. Please come on And we'll yeah, absolutely come back on you got you a Gabby's number. Yes, and you come back on all right

This awesome. Thanks, but you got a baby. What is it? Okay, that a country baby. Yeah. Sorry. What's that baby girl? It's better than that one of the big ones. Yeah, no oversized I'm I'll bring my thermals next time. I do a lot of show and tell I'm my underwear I was like I bring big Betsy's underwear the next one I did on the I have the smallest ones right

We go to Liz Russo model model right you up there right on the internet on the internet Yeah go to that on the internet Yeah Liz Russo that's a fucking porn name model I'm gonna image Oh look there's me with a bunch of dildos look at that man Mix Russo, that's a fucking porn name. Yeah. A model. I was going to image it. Oh look, there's me with a bunch of dildos. Look at that. Yeah, that was me with a fucking drink.

Oh, wow. Where are you? Where's the model? No, I don't know where it is. Oh my god. What was that? Why is that dildo one such a top hit? It is a model.

It is weird, isn't it? What website is that on? That's when you were drinking too, by the way. It was like the first one. Oh my space. You still got my space. That's when you were drinking. That's the way. Oh, my space. You still got my space. That's when you were drinking. That's the same chub you had. Oh, yeah.

You look like that. Yeah, I was. Yeah, the one of the first. Oh, that's orange. Oh, that's orange. That's Betsy. That's a character I do. Yeah, that's a cousin, Dunchilly.

That's back when I had one. That was a sellmate. It's free bet. That's big betties. You got the underwear from. The balloon sandwich. All right. All right.

Tupi, what do you got? This is coming out next year. We're doing those. Jesus Christ, you're a good looking guy. Thanks man. You're sick. I wish we had that. Look, I got you mentioned.

I mentioned you on the thing, but that's for this weekend, but that's too hard. Gotham Comedy Club with Bobby Kelly. It's Robert Kelly. I want him to make sure it's Bobby Kelly to Versi and Joe to you. Oh, it's my New Year's resolution is to get on Bobby level with you. Well, you're not there yet. Well, it's just work.

Something to strive for. Would you get that suit, Tegna Taro? Yeah. That's funny. I hadn't heard that in every roast I've ever done. But no one's ever made that suit reference. Go fuck it. We're trying to fucking take away my job.

You shit generation. You can't take it. You're right. It was a great job. Take a fucking hit. I was going to just deny it. Don't deflect. Just take a hit. What's not Joe bitches?

Uh, it's just a show near a company club. Fucking shit. It's supposed to be, it's supposed to be, they sell out pretty much every month. I'll come anybody's. Anybody's in cell. What do we we so sick and fucking they sell out who gives a fuck I'm just saying it's a good show anyway, but come to you can come to my show the second Friday of the month That on the events of the New York comedy club course sells out I hate this generation and the fucking worst

generation. And the fucking worst. You guys didn't never want to jail, never had a bad fucking set. Every set is a good crowd. Is it? There was three of them. They're nice though. Yeah, you can check out our goodbye podcast on gas digital. And you can just plow through. And I am micfreening on social media. Instagrams my preferred method if you're gonna go on Instagram But Twitter honestly, you know, I haven't noticed Three laughs traction. I had fun Gas digital mark pump dot com By an hour's goodbye t-shirt right now or coffee mug. Yeah, I get a coffee mug for a podcast that has fucking eight listeners No coffee mug. Yeah, I get a coffee mug for a podcast that has fucking eight listeners. Can I have one?

No, you can have a fucking bite. Oh Mike Fini go with me actually got them and some we have two shows in January. We have two shows with Ian Finneas. Wait, why do you have dates on the dates that we're doing the shows with Ian? We're Mount Arlington. Is this your website? Do you do January 5th and 6th? We have two private gigs, or it doesn't want you to do the jersey. Yeah, that's what we're going. You're on those dates, dumb dumb. Oh, I couldn't see the thing. Yeah, you're on those dates. Don't fucking see that thing, anxiety.

You just gave me anxiety. I haven't got you. You gave me anxiety. Well, you're anxiety gave me anxiety. You said they were in Jersey. This one says Newton, Pennsylvania. Yeah, it's the same thing. Newton.

Newton town. All right, I'm reading from afar. There's a bow in the way. All right. All right. Anyway, it's going to our website. Joe, what do you got? Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Hey, January 5th in a Prokipsy. We're a little light on tickets, possibly because it's five days after New Year's Eve and 10 days after Christmas. But, possibly. Probably because of us. Mark Roman and I co-headlining and then comedy on state, best club in the goddamn country. GNN left in through the 13th one of them.

Yeah, and Sarah will be with me on that one. Stress factory, New Jersey. I know we got a lot of tri-stary of fans, February 1st, 2nd, 3rd. And then my actual favorite club in the country and Harbor Comedy Showcase, April 5th, 6th 6th and 7th have you done that club I heard you gotta go do it. They don't book me tell your agent to email him He's how they get all the fucking club. I will it's the best and then I'm into coma in April

Comedian Joe list for all my dates Tuesdays with stories. It's free every Tuesday. It's a fun show Would get silly and I'm gay Gabby, what do you got? Quick. I've just had a bunch of shows in January. Random shows. Follow me on Instagram. Follow an Instagram. She puts all shows up there.

She has a lot of fun shows and Instagram's really fun. Except when she goes, hey guys. I would put some sexy photos up. That's how I would get fans. She has a photo up there, black and white photo of her, and she's stunning. Like I was with my wife, I go, mom, Gabby is, I mean, you're, you're, you know, whatever.

I don't, I look at it like a daughter. She's whatever, yeah. But it's this photo, I was like, who the fuck is this? She's stunning. When Gabby wants to be stunning, she can be stunning. Yeah. So you never want to be though.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Mike, because Mike, what do you got besides fucking beautiful cheeks? I want to bite. Oh, it's cute. Jenny, were you stuck fucking beautiful cheeks? I want a bite January second and third I'll be at the improv in San Antonio. Yeah, Jenny. We're 11th. I'll be at Millennium Falcon in Las Vegas. Oh wow What's it Millennium? Where you going? We're doing a show. Oh, that's cool. That pays good my thumb is a dick on that website Zach what are you got? Zach the new guy

And what hey my friend what what is your website where they get art comedian Joe list not you You're not an artist. I thought you were looking right at me. I'm looking over your fucking shoulder What is it? It's gonna say it into the mic. Okay, well no one's hearing. I get a put in the mic. Can you give him the mic mic? Given the mic that doesn't work. Yeah, the mic works. No, my stuff to buy up this month So yeah now just on Instagram. Yeah, just search for Aaron. That comes out cool, man Check it out. Let's get him some money if you guys like art hire him to do some stuff for you You know and thank you for doing the stuff you did for us. We'll show it to people what?

That's a no problem not you keep looking at me you guys the best listen We're gonna go smoke some fucking bats. They're still seeing bats. Don't go fuck us. I'll call cigars I fucking wanna and it's a bugs you move on you fucking coward Happy New Year You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet.

And they're all free. And they're all free, and they're all free. you you