Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Above Board | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #08

Episode Date: February 20, 2024

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder join forces and talk about public romps, Super Bowl highs and (mostly) lows, online haters, show off some magic, and so much more. Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz-ep-04-robert-kelly-dan-soder-luis-j-gomez/id371045355?i=1000634076160  SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast  https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/  Luis J. Gomez  https://luisofskanks.com/ https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez  Joe List  https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/  Dan Soder  https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS Sheath Underwear  https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ promo code: Regz for 20% off My Bookie https://mybookie.website/TheRegz promo code: REGZ for up to $200 cash bonus Factor Meals factormeals.com/regz50 promo code: regz50 to get 50% off Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to the gas. Hey, what's up everybody? We're back. It's the monthly like a period. The regs are back. It's your podcast shedding of your utero lining. No host, no rules. We got Joe List, AK, the truth. We got Dan Soda, corporate Dan Dan not anymore. Yeah, you are by who am I beholden your your attitude is still corporate? No, really? Fuck the corporate who is the shittiest person on billions to work with yeah, there was a guest star No in the cast. Oh don't do this because now he's gonna be all you gotta jack them all up and everything We say he's gonna be like shut up pussy. you're gonna get them all yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry you're right. Don't cry. What let me just draw back to corporate Let me know I still have health insurance through sag so I have Everyone was amazing everybody was this is the thing you're gonna crank him up and I'm gonna have to deal with it

Then I'm gonna be like He's gonna hate me for like and of course Lewis J. Gomez the rattlesnake is just sick Here he is he's draining his rattlesnake Big ol gulp of skim milk you guys just had I don't get it. What we're gonna walk in and bomb the fucking Fat you go fat. No, they all know what it is. They stop talking about they they it's us that matters Not they know we, we matter. 100% no one got it. Nobody got it. Nobody got it. Stop pointing at them. Stop forcing

them to get it. They get it. No, stop making them get it. How many genders do you think there are? Let's get right into it. First of all, Max, can you please? I think two. Yeah, all right. I got gifts for everybody. All right, here we go. Now, fuck you. There we go. That's fun. That is nice. There we go. That's for everybody. That's cuz Bobby supports mass shootings I just want everyone to know that Bobby bought that after the shooting Bobby was a chicken nugget on my head. Yeah, Bobby went did it's Kentucky fry, but you spell it with a C I love I love that all these hats are gonna be thrown away and no one's gonna keep one of these. No, I'm gonna return them.

I'm gonna get the money back. I love it. You like it? It's a nice hat. The one thing I can't stand about you is how much you love mass shootings and how much you hate the troops. I love the troops.

No, you don't. Don't you fucking talk about the troops. Bobby says all the time, he said, Daddy, daddy! He goes, when they're at war, when they're at war, I love them. They're bugged. I mean, it's crazy.

We are winners. We're in the great fat white chief brings the new headdress for his squaw. You were there though. I told you, I mean, I know it's hard. It's like a break. You were there. He was at the game. Michael J. got his tickets.

Wow. It's like a breakup when people say that you're gonna look back. It must be the best thing that ever happened. I went in 2019 and they're wrong. It sucks every time. I'm done. You know when it doesn't suck? When I went in the Patriots one.

Yeah. But you're going, which one of one of the six you went to Panthers. Oh, wow That was a great airy kick the field go started my uncle brought my uncle because I'm a good person your uncle brought your uncle my uncle my uncle came With me uncle Shawnee from Boston and he we were hugging each other Jumping up and down and I have a video of me going you're hugging me This is the first time you've ever hugged me, and then he just fucking threw me on. You're right, you're queer.

You're fucking queer. You're hugging me, you fucking queer. I mean, it's crazy to be celebrating other men's victory that much. You watch other men's. Why? I don't watch other men's anymore. You have men carry you down the Vegas ship,

you fucking queer. Yeah, yeah. You really do. You do something great. And at this part, it's pretty gay that they do that. Pretty gay to support again. Who do you most blame? One person.

Carl Shaney. Well, should have ran the ball. What about the injury? Greenlaw? Dude, that was just tragic. What about the clip? And I don't know if it's true where they had first in 10, he ran two yards and then went back to first in 10. Is that, is that that it did you see that? There's video all over the internet visit a yo They they the guy ran the chiefs ran right at the end of the game two yards It was Second and eight and they gave him first and then they gave him first and I'll tell you the thing that really bugs me is in the last

13 quarters that the chiefs have played in a Super Bowl They haven't had one holding call and they held on almost every play. I mean am I am I wrong this rule I thought you like sports this fucking rules like honestly us like us pitter pattering through like a fucking not sports podcast barely no I don't know anything's happening right now your numbers talk to your guy that brought I'm in here to ask how many genders there are that's a that's a good topic you want biting Shot comedy is dead. It's gay as fuck. It's disco gangfest bitch in ten years Bitch you won't see him I'm kidding stop. Were you going they're gonna take you saying and they're gonna fucking no

I've been trying to you guys. I'm trying to be edgy Oh, no, are you guys about to handle what my brain can think of? Oh? Dangerous silly yeah, dude fucking lame Comedians did you call it a dangerous silly? Yeah, that's all right. That's what the attitude is every time I see a poster It's like oh, it's fucking crazy. No, it's not who who does this? It's like oh, oh, it's fucking crazy. No, it's not who who does this? 97 Dangerous the depraved. Yeah, it's depraved. We did so gay

It's so gay. Yes. I guess it's gayer than liking football for sure. It's definitely not like a football Yes, it like you know guys do these clowns have crazy thoughts Dance pandering dance pandering right now. Oh You look at the camera when you guys got that joke you're the biggest panda in the room This is just eating bamboo This is just us eating bamboo. Joe's a red panda. I actually had the shape of a panda for a long time. So, Dan, you think there's more than two genders? Crazy.

I like Joe's right wing grip. He's coming in here and he's gone back scene. Joe is a Republican now. Oh, I know. 100%. Once you had a kid. Look at his red. He's all red.

He always wears red now. No, this is funny. But I get this though. People are like, you can tell he's making money. He's more conservative. I'm like, I'm not fiscally conservative. I'm making more money. Take Elon Musk's money. I believe this is funny. I, but I get this though. People like Nat, you can tell he's making money. He's more conservative. I'm like, I'm not fiscally conservative. Take Elon Musk's money. I believe in social programs. I just don't want homeless people. Take the shits in my face, arrest them, shoot them, put them in the river.

Joe goes from being like, I'm just saying like, you know, control the borders. It starts saying random stuff where he's like, for sure. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, the board is around it. What is this? Okay, I like that poster. It's cool poster dude. What is that? The devil no, I understand that what is the post? What if the devil what if the devil's show yet to show that you call that a brave you have to start off with your Most fucked up joke and dig yourself out of a hole Lewis Lewis, what if the, what if Satan sucked at stand up? Like so. Hey, you know, it's really crazy.

It's really hot in here. He goes, dating stuff. He had a microphone. He had a little headset like Matt, right? I bet you guys are wondering if I'm going to talk about it. So yeah, I turned my back on God. It sent me to a frozen lake in the center of the earth. Elephant in the roots and I'm Hussain's here.

Haste it off. That was the best of South Park. Just to let you know, it wasn't an apple, it was my dick. Also Bill Gates is here, he's coming. It's not meant to say Steve Jobs. Sounds like you're doing Aaron Burr. I liked it. Hey, what's up?

This guy gets it. That's Aaron Burr. Wow, that's a great bird. I love how Dan's just not edgy. It's so fucking cool how he's not fucking edgy. Steve Jobs I love how Dan's just not edgy and so fucking cool He's a silly goose. I am silly good silly good. That's a cool comedy, right? That's what we're all it. That's where you make me sick. You're just mad that I nailed you I didn't nail me dude. We do edgy fucking comedy No, Tim Dylan Shane Legion of skanks. We're all right up there, dude. Shane and Tim would be so mad if they heard you call them edgy comics.

That's literally what they are. They're bad boy comedy. Shane is not edgy. He's a bad boy. He's a funny. He goes back and he makes fun of everybody. He's not an edgy comedian. He's a bad boy.

But what is edgy? What are you defining as edgy? What's bad? What are you guys doing for? We're all edgy comedians. Everyone here is an edgy comic. I know. I know. That's why we can all make fun of it. He's not edgy, and he's not edgy. for all edgy comedians? Everyone here is a comic. I know We can all make fun of it. He's not edgy and he's not he is edgy

What's an edgy joke I go like this It's fucking nose has too many edges Lewis you're not off Some people came to see me, I'm saying retired and on stage special. Some people might go, this guy's crazy. Fuck this. That's not edgy. That's just politically incorrect. You should put cause exactly. So what is it? They don't like the word edgy. They're trying to, they're trying to shame me for using the word edgy, but it's, it is, I'm not trying to you at all. I'm making fun of you. You're shaming

who is edgy. You are. Can you Who is shaming? Who is edgy? You are, can you right stand up in the voice of the devil? What is this? We got interrupted the show for a chat GBT. Who's I been to? Can I just say, I want to say, I don't want anything to do with chat GBT ever.

Fuck chat GBT. I love that he slowly took it off. He was just fucking, like Homer into the bushes. I do, look, I can't hate on them for trying to have ideas. That's like, I want to encourage ideas. Yes fine dude That's okay What can I ask what you one of your edgiest jokes is who's edgy what's it my newest I want to hear an edgy edgy my new my newest joke that I just wrote last weekend. Straight off the tip.

Straight off the tip, dude. I love eating pussy so much. I love eating it so much that I'm afraid. Can we leave this in? Yeah. I'm afraid that I'm going to get mouth cancer, like Michael Douglas. But even if I got mouth cancer,

I love eating pussy so much I wouldn't stop. I'd be like that woman in the 90s, the commercial in the 90s, had her own cancer. I'd put smoke through the hole in her neck. You'd eat pussy through your neck? No, I'd have like that woman in the 90s the commercial in the 90s. Oh good. They're old cancer. Yeah, what smoke of the hole in her neck Hey, yeah, you need pussy through your neck. No, I'd have my jaw removed You're just a tongue-knot bottom and a ball Do you just suck right on what's your edges Joe? That's my newest. I don't think that's I don't think that's edgy though That's pretty edgy is gonna get cancer

Yeah, but it's like if you just do it as a joke you're like, yeah, it's funny. Yeah, I get it Yeah, I know it's an edgy Joe Joe Joe Dan. It's not a fucking you can't do it on the Tonight show Yeah, but you can't do shit on the time. I can't do it in a comedy club. They won't book me What is your edges Joe that's funny you're not I don't see you edgy at all I make fun of Here's macho man eating a penis of, um, here's Macho Man eating a penis. That's exactly what I do. Ah, that hurt. Oh, Macho Man says no more Mexican.

He's just, I just know that I got to Lewis. And so he's gonna keep coming back. That's right there. I know I ticked him off. Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Don't tread on me. Yeah, I don't have edgy, Jeff. You gotta have something that's a little edgy. I do a sick deaf impression in my actor, you know, where I say that I can't smell and it's the only sense you can lose and then fake convincingly. Like I can go like, what is that?

And people believe me, but a deaf guy can't walk in and go, you know what he was saying about you? And you're like, I know you didn't hear him. I know, yeah. That's funny. I've had this conversation before. That could be on TV, though.

That could be on in the tonight's show. No, they wouldn't let me go. You can't go, hi, guys. No, you can't do that. Well, no, I'm not doing it, but you got to do the fake silent. Did you hear what he said about you? But if you were deaf, you could definitely, oh, could you have... Deaf, honestly?

You could do deaf comedy, Jim. That'd be great. You could have to go, why don jam. Oh, that'd be great. You have to go No I Put my Shake this is exactly a feel sketch is it really? Yeah Oh Joe, red, state Joe, red, state Joe. Trump, Trump, Trump. I got this. I want to hear your head is what your, what's your head is show. Well, this is the thing I want to talk about with edge because to me, and I've talked about this a lot in private on a podcast, edge to me is not, whoa, cause at this point, everything's

been talked about. Any, a lot of comic people can go up and go, oh, fuck you. Yeah. You do did every podcast. Exactly. Because I'm edgy. But the term edgy is silly. But I always talk about like a comedian with edge is someone that looks like they need to do this to the kill themselves. Like Greg Roguel, you could do his act on the Tonight Show.

He's not talking about. No, no, he's not talking about, you know, the fucking blah, whatever. He's one of my favorite jokes when I first started on Comic-Con, he was one of the guys who was like, you know, New York comedy club, fucking comedy seller every night.

And he had a joke where he was like, he was like, my friends would believe in Santa Claus. He was like, my parents told me, it's like, if you see a man coming down that chimney, he's coming to touch you, Jew boy. Exactly. So like Dan Maverman, that's an to touch you, Jew boy. Exactly. So like Dan Natterman. That's an edgy joke.

And I think he did that on the Tonight Show though, but back in the day you could do a show like that. But Dan Natterman and Greg Rogel don't come across as edgy, too dangerous. Yeah, you gotta put, you gotta slick their hair and put them in a leather jacket. It looks like if they didn't do comedy, they'd shoot at some comics you see.

But David Tell dresses like a, whoa, whoa, whoa. David Tell dresses like a locksmith. He doesn't look edgy. Yeah, by the way, Natterman to a young child in Hamas looks very dangerous What what is your if you have an edgy joke what's your edgiest joke? I mean, I don't know about edgy I mean I don't do you like oh this is gonna get oh this might you know Yeah, I did a whole thing about retards and you placed word retard this thing and then I and you put the word retard with this thing and then I talk about being called a pervert.

We're about hoarding a part. We're trying to get monetized. We're not doing a YouTube special. So man, you just had a kid imagine if that was you. What are you doing, dude? Yeah, but Ed, you said it's a gay term. I want real comic saying stuff that happened to them and they feel like they have an E.

Here's the thing. Every comic is a quote unquote edgy comic except for Nate, Gaffigan read. There's a few non edgy comics. Ryan Hamilton. Being a comic is a fucking quote unquote edgy job. But just when you describe it that way, it just sounds kind of gay.

Yes, I understand. And I also, if you have a poster with a parental advisory over your mouth, or like police line do not cross. If you use the gun, the mic is a gun. I hope you have a real gun and you use it on yourself. And I did have a headshot with the mic cord wrapped around my neck like this. Though I did.

I was at my manager's office one time and a guy accepted a package. And it was to admit that though. That's the first step. It was a photo of a guy. It was a photo of himself wrapped in caution tape. And then he had a DVD and that was wrapped in caution tape. How much did he spend on caution tape? A lot. Too much. But I don't think clean necessarily means not edgy. I mean, Brian Regan has like an edge to him. He seems at Brian. He doesn't have an edge. I show my seven year old child

Brian Regan. Yeah. But to me, he has an edge in that he's a seven year old child. He's just working clean. I started showing him. Oh, I think, I think I did another. What's your edgiest joke? I did a joke. It didn't work about pedophiles. I was like, I don't understand. Don't you love being a pedophile? Just watch better than small, young dick. They're like the like tiny corns.

You can just suck them. I go, how I go. How could that be satisfying? Just that's fun. That's fun. That is the. You know, when know when you suck a dick you want to go ahead now Here's the thing Louie did a whole monologue on SNL What Not you

That's my oh you think that's my name. No, you're Jay weird that you guys I'm sitting here. I forgot that when he went down. You're like on the new that was in my first special. I was like, I you never thought that I would be the most powerful Louis in comic Yeah, you're so happy the fat one died. You know, it's crazy I remember being at skankfest and seeing Louis talk to you about that joke. Yeah, it was great Yeah, you stopped you goes. Hey, man. I watch your special in that Louis jokes funny It was great that like it just proves that even Louis was googling himself They all do he watch it on a flip phone. We talked about this, every single comic

is looking up themselves on a single. 100%. Even the comics that are like, don't do that ever, you can't do that. Everyone does it a certain amount. I don't do it. I don't fucking do it. I don't look it.

I've never been to Reddit, ever. I have the Reddit app on my phone. I've never been to Reddit and I don't look the comments. I get hit with one every once in a while because I'm looking at like how the fucking dumb video went and the top thing, your mother's a fucking twat or you know, whatever, but no, I don't, I can't look at that shit. Everyone but Bobby, but I keep catching people that talk about that reading comments. I'm not going to name names. Name a name. I can do it-stage. We'll be, we'll be, but you're like, yeah, someone so said this. And I'm like, how do you know that? You're giving away your info. Yeah. I'm looking up

Robert Kelly. I don't do that. I don't do to someone else. Wait, this is what the producer should do. All right, you guys know what the meanest comment you could find. We did this. We did this. There was a whole second. We did a whole, we did that up the meanest comment you could find We did this on there was a whole we did a hole we did that on the Episode know about me Hey, everybody on the bonfire. We we we let the troll fans have a moment way to way to nerf Jay's comments I noticed I didn't do it. I didn't do it produced that They let it rip on Bobby and Jay they were like like, his gloves are stupid. And you're like, that's the worst one you found. That was black Lou. Not me.

What's so funny about that is what? You're not Lou. There's other Lou's. You're Ryu. For some reason, one day on a plane, on a flight home, I was just on Reddit and I was like, I'm just gonna look for myself in the comments. Dude, it got me where I read a couple where I was like Sitting in a plane sitting forward like

That one fucking stung well, I heard you saying you wouldn't look at red. That was like ten years ago. Yes Wouldn't you look at it? Had to get off a reddit It was on a podcast at some point. Oh, I don't think so. I always I've always sort of embraced it I deleted it. I deleted the app. He needs Reddit for energy. That's how he lives. I deleted the app from my phone for a little while

because I was like, I was just, it was just a lot of negativity. I was like, why am I actually just trying to read negativity all the time? But I'm back in. That's what it was. I remember it like shook me to my foundation that you were like, I can't read that anymore.

And I was like, well, I gotta never go there. Do you remember when you used to come over to my house? Well, you actually told me one time, you go, I can't read that anymore. And I was like, well, I gotta never go there. Do you remember when you told me one time you go, I go, should I go to Reddit? And you went, Bobby, you should never go to read it. You know, it's funny is Lewis would come over to my house and we'd be sitting there working on something and he go, you want to go to the ONA subreddit and look up our names. And then you just read it. And he'd be like, oh, yeah. I just said it together. He'd be like, look, I was, don't you, they made me the mod of the ONA sub-breed at one point. That's crazy.

Well, what is, I was, I was stuck. Is that still going? No, it's a, they banned that a long time ago for like harassing people and shit. But they made me the mod. Like I was, I was just posting on there all the time. I had a whole thing.

I, I convinced them that I wanted to buy the sub-breed. This is like 15 years. I remember that. I had no money. I was like, I'll give you $10,000 for the sub-breed. I just wanted to see where the conversation was have money. I was like, y'all give me $10,000 for the subreddit. I just wanted to see where the conversation was gonna go. And the guy was like, dude, I'm thinking, they had a whole post, he was like,

dude, I'm thinking about it, I need the money. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? It's fucking hilarious. And then it, but then they started embracing me. Then it became, cause they used to do a thing, which is great. I really wish the Legion of Skanks would do this, the subreddit, cause that is about as toxic

as the ONA subreddit at this point. They've turned on us hard. But they would do is they would do. Every subreddit dedicated to anything will turn on you. In ONA, what they would do is they would do the power rankings. And what they would do is anybody really in the ONA world, in the beginning it was like 20 people, but then it was like people,

like they were even just mentioned, there was like one guy who like on the sub on the subreddit that like He had his kid in the back of his car. This is a famous fucking story It was an ONA fan He had his kid in the back of his car, but not in his car seat He went into the mall stole a Bose soundbar and while they were chasing him out He got into an accident the car like the kid flew the windshield died So they would rank the kid and with upvotes and downvotes, they put all the characters.

So like I was like number one, number two in the Opie and Anthony subreddit at one point, half ironically, but like, you know, Opie and Anthony were like 108 or whatever. Like they were so far down. Jesus. But like, yeah, they should redo the power ranking. I went to Reddit at Just for Laughs.

They did a ask anything I think it's called. Yeah, AMA. And I was like, you guys don't want to do this. And they're like, no, it's going to be fun. I go, I'm part of the O and A culture. You don't want to do this. Cause to them it's some like intern. That's just kind of like, this will be a fun thing to push.

Dude, 10 minutes in the girl was like, oh my God. And I was just laughing. They went at me. I mean, dude, they had whales. I mean, it was so fucking bad. I'm Robert Kelly, you know me from Louis Sex, Jugs, Rock and Roll. You know what, dude? And making you laugh. I'm full and I'm naked.

Go to the top comment and see what it is. I don't want, why, I don't want to do this. Do you know that Richard Ross will be performing at the Goffins Comedy Club? So on the opening of the subreddit, one of the things they would do, plug Rich's dates. They'd not only that though,

but they would write a big long dramatic post. It'd be like really long with some real things. And at the end of it, it would just be a joke. They'd be like, and Rich Voss is performing at Mugubi's this week. It's just one of the worst things. No, but they, no way fans would come out and see you. And then come up.

They love me. There's one guy, dude, Runaway Slav from the racist live chat on gas digital. This guy, I'm talking about, to the, like trolls me to the point where we're like, dude, runaway slob from the racist live chat on gas digital. This guy, I'm talking about, to the, like, trolls me to the point where he was like, dude, fuck you, fuck this platform, fuck your kid, fuck your family. He posts comments all the time, dude.

He showed up in Austin, he asked me to get him free tickets. I did, he's like this little fucking dude. And I'm like, dude, what if I just headbutted you to death right now? What if that was my plan? Did he, did he, did you, would you be? He loves me, yeah, I meant, I hung out with him, we smoked weed.

We had the guy remember back in the day. So funny. On the regs, when we, I used to have them on remember that guy would have on look at AIDS Yeah, I remember that he's still he still poses Something Bobby real quick just bring up a question that never I don't know if was answered Do you feel more god damn it you pulled it right when I'm reading it? Who is doing this? It's max and max sucks dude Dude, that's crazy. Max, you suck. Do you feel you look more like an Albina Orca, Lebanese house maiden, or morbidly obese Mexican?

I think morbidly obese Mexican. Thank you. I don't know if the question was ever answered. I did like the first one. I knew this was a bad idea, but number two. Wait, I bought me Big Fan. Man, that's funny. That's great.

You did, you answered it. Big Fan and Star Trek for the voyage, on what messages for those When I was The one from is this the ask anything just This is the ask anything 53 got me some slack I have a 10 year old. I don't know what's happening Bobby goes now these people they can ask that these are the ones that ask the questions

Dude, this is so fucking I would like is we're all insecure dorks So it's funny when we call ourselves edgy or dark. I get it. Well all dorks along. Yeah, but we are If you're funny and you troll I'll fucking retweet it. I'll fucking I want to die got never blah Dude if you're fucking funny, I will literally, I, I don't even, I never block anybody. I don't, I, I don't think at this one I've, except for Nicole Arworth, the only person in the world I have blocked right now. You like the 49ers offensive line. Yo, that's God. I love his Dennis. He's going to go on a rant.

The only person that I said, I snapped it, Joe, after the Super Bowl, because he was like, I did it. I picked the Chiefs, they were gonna win. I got the score by like two points. You snapped at me one weekend too. Oh, that was years ago. But you snapped. You snapped at football. Yeah, yeah, yeah, snap of football.

I'm not. You're supposed to snap a football. Hey, long time. This fan, you wanna talk about trolls that- Not affable, it's infable. Trolls that make you laugh. This guy wrote me a message. The night of the Super Bowl, the guy wrote me a message

he wrote, man 49ers got bowled over the way you bowl over your guests on your podcast. And I just wrote, I was so mad, I was like, fuck you. And then I wrote something and I wrote, elite, he said he was a Seahawks fan and I said, I'm glad the Sonics got stolen from Seattle. And then he wrote back, well, it only happened once, unlike you guys losing to the Chiefs in the Super Bowl.

And you're like, that's funny. I was like, yeah, that's a good joke. No, let me tell you something. It's a good joke. They're fucking funny and it's annoying. I love it. I was laughing at this. Some of the stuff they were putting up,

I was cracking up at. It was insane. Yeah. But it hurts. It does hurt for a second. It's like, it hit you. It's spicy. It's like spicy food. It's not. But it hurts. It does hurt for a second. It's like, it hits you. It's spicy. Yeah. Spicy food. It's not spicy. It hurts. The one that I got, the one that I told you about when I went on Reddit and I like searched my name in the comments. Is

that what, what is this? The one that hurt me the most. And by the way, don't do it. Don't produce it now. I'm telling you guys already went through that. It fucking fucked me up for a couple of days because there were some that weren't funny. The ones that aren't funny that just are flat out like, no, I think he sucks. Truth, yeah, and you're like, I do suck. I was sitting on a plane and go. Well they don't know that we all fucking think we suck anyway.

We're all walking around with, I'm a fucking phony. I suck, he's better than me, she's better than me. I don't know if it was Joe or someone else. I saw someone recently say, might've been Mike Lawrence. He was like it hurts Because it's so funny when you see a compliment online You immediately don't believe it and when you see a criticism you're immediately like yeah, you're right Well, somebody said that you look going through compliments

But you're really looking for that thing that you believe about yourself. Yeah, and then you read it. You're like Have you ever done a show where you're looking out in the crowd and you're like, oh, that cuckuck is from Reddit. He doesn't like me just by their face every year at every year. It's Kang first. I always thank them for calling. I said someone in this room has called me on Twitter. I say that all the time. I have to skank fast.

Particularly. I'm like, some of them. They're in here. Yeah. Some of these people are the ones that are like, you fucking blow. You fucking piece of, but then Lewis is right. But then they want to talk with you after. And I tell you guys, here's the thing. 99% of people, they're just partaking in a community

and they think it's funny. Yeah. They, like, I go into the chat all the time on gas digital and it's like, they're really, like, they're really, but if I just lurk it, they're so mean to me, but as soon as I chime in, it's like, oh, what's up, Lewis? It's like, they're not, I, me and my girl were going through shit the other day a couple of weeks ago and I was, I went into the chat for like, I was like, dude, I was like, it's like, oh, what's up, Louis? It's like, I mean, my girl were going through shit the other day, a couple of weeks ago, and I went into the chat for like, I was like, dude, I'm just gonna go through it.

And one guy made fun of me, and he was like, yeah, dude, fuck you, fuck your girl. And I was like, oh, come on, dude, I'm going through it. And then everyone was like, yeah, dude, come on, leave him alone. And everyone was just nice. No, I've had people write stuff, and then you're like, yeah, you fucking suck, whatever.

And then they're like, I'm so sorry, I didn't think you'd read that, and then you get like an email being like, I really didn't think you'd read it. I'm a huge fan. I blew it I've got to talk. I've got it the other way where you say something back. Yeah, you fucking stink Do you think with you guys you guys all have kids like how bad is it gonna be by the time James and Max and Marty or you know in their 20s and 30s, like this shit, we're experiencing it the first wave. It's gonna get fucking worse.

I think it's gonna come up with rules, there'll be shit, like my assumption will be trolling in the future will be completely gone. The internet, they're gonna figure out how poison as it is, I'm telling you right now, they're gonna make it a rule where like, and they already have it, there's certain things on even Twitter, right,

where they're supposed to be all free speech. If you say certain words, it hides it. It's like it gets blocked from everybody seeing it. You can hide, I hid fat. Fat? Yeah, you're hiding it well. Yeah, you're not supposed to say that. Usually you hide it under a hoodie.

I hid fat and whale. No, no, I'm not saying that. If you say that to me on Twitter, it doesn't show up. I have to hide 49ers, because that's the thing that makes you snap. No, I'm not saying that the company themselves hide it. Like, there's, if you say f*** on Twitter now, it'll hide the visibility. And people have to see, like, oh, there's some edgy shit and click on it. It's all gonna, the internet's gonna f***ing change.

It's gonna be like TV, like you can't say anything on fucking Fox five or channel seven. You can say shit now. Yeah, but you can't show crazy shit. And you say, she on BET. UPN nine. Certain people are gonna be able to say certain things though. Certain people can say things and not get in trouble for it. Dude, remember during the pandemic where you told me

that there was more freedom in Florida? I remember how retarded that was. There is. You go, I like Florida. There's more freedom. And I go, Bobby, that's just such a vague term. There is. You can fucking walk around with a gun. Anybody can get one. You can have a gun down there. Freedom. More freedom. Except for black people. More freedom. More freedom. I just remember one time we were on the phone and I was walking my dog and you go, I don't know how to get to stand in Florida. There's so much more freedom. You can't, you can't, you can't, there's gun free zones

in Manhattan. It's like against the constitution. This street you can't have, it's has a sign. It's no- Let me ask you a follow up question. And then the- Do you think there should be guns in New York? Well, when the kid who, the guy who just shot somebody in New York, if the other people have guns and you can't, yeah, I'd like to have a gun. I think a straight bullet's gonna hit a little kid.

More people, more bullets, more guns, more straight bullets hitting little kids. That's what I see. I'm just saying, a city like New York, maybe. I'm, you know, Florida, you're living out in the swamp, have a gun, have a couple guns. Yeah, I like Florida. Living in, I don't know if you live in Little Italy.

I like it, Florida, that if they block the highway, you can hit them. By the way, that should be cool. That should be universal. Then to Bobby, Italy is little Italy. He goes, I was just in little Italy, little France, little Germany, little Ireland. I like Europe.

Yeah dude, and you can, if they block the highway in Florida, you can hit them and you're not going to get charged. They get charged for fucking blocking. That's what it should be. If you lock arms on the highway. I love when a fucking truck blasts through those hippies. And they realize, oh, just scream, oh, with their locked arms, like, ah! Like, hey, hey.

You know what's really satisfying? I love when the guy gets out and just grabs him by the hair and drags him off the side. It's the best. I fucking love it. And then they rip up their sign that took them the hour to make. What's the best. I fucking love it. And then they rip up their sign that took them the hour to make.

What's really satisfying is you'll see like, so much like Puerto Ricans and blacks in a parking lot. And they're, you don't realize it until like a car comes into frame and just careens into the whole crowd. But it'll be watching people doing like donuts with like ice bars. And they're fucking teenagers. They just don't have any control.

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at the Super Bowl halftime show where they're like, hey, check on this guy. There's a guy just goes like, from what? Came down during the usher performance. No, I didn't see that. He was like in the crowd and they like launched him and he fucking looked like.

Did you watch the halftime? Yeah, I mean, it was there. He was there. I mean, I know you were you could have gone underneath and got hot dog burger I wouldn't pay I wouldn't pissed at the very beginning because that's where when I went to the bathroom It was like crazy and as it was starting. I was like, I'm gonna go now, right and there was no one in the back How are your seats really good? Che got his fucking awesome tickets. We did they score in your end zone? No, they always scored away from us, but the Niners are the Niners chief score in your end zone? No, they always scored away from us. The Niners or the... Niners, chief scored in our end zone. So the overtime was it coming toward you?

That was a one right toward you, like, no! No, no, no, stop it, stop it! The funniest one, right after halftime, all these sluts, like these sluts with their tits pushed and shit, went down to the, because we were in the aisle, they went to the bottom of the aisle and they were doing like the,

putting their arms back, like that. And then they did a thing where they turned their ass and they put up a piece of sign. And do it slower. And look back and they were like, well shut up. What are you doing? And then right after, right after I did, I was like, Che take my picture. And I, Che, I did immediately following him, I did a photo shoot. It was fun. It was fun. It was fun until they lost.

It was a great experience until they lost. But it's still fun. No. Throughout the Super Bowl. You've been to two Super Bowls. When you leave a Super Bowl and they lose, it sucks so fucking bad. It's just like.

The walkout stinks. You're just like, I could have watched this at home. But they're celebrating right there. Well, I mean, in the stadium everyone's celebrating as you walk out You're leaving with all the 49er fans. Oh, yeah, and like you're seeing like little kids crying You're like, yeah, that's right. If my son started crying over a fucking football game I would break my peaceful parenting streak. I start punching him directly in his fucking little gay face

You're your fuck mine because your your your boys didn't get the ball over that line. You're crying. That's really sad It's really sad, dude. It's crazy. Football brought me and my father together. It's the only thing that brought us together. Yeah. Same. Where's he now? He's going to the bread show. He's getting tickets for Satan live anyways, guys. There's a lot of stuff going on. Hey, what's going on? You got a kid? You abandoned him. Oh, that reminds me. I wanted to say Henry Phillips had a bit

when we were talking about that. He had a bit about how he sold his soul to the devil to learn how to play guitar. And then he sold it and the devil was like, all right, so first we're going to learn like a few scales. I thought I could just play and he's like, Oh no, this is going to take a while. You got to come twice a week. Do you remember that Will Ferrell Garth Brooks sketch on SNL? No. Where Will Ferrell Garth Brooks sells his SNL? No. Where Will Ferrell Garth Brooks sells his soul for a song

and then Will Ferrell's the devil. And he's like, weekends, I prefer the weekends. He goes, you know what? That sucks. I got another one. And all the songs blow. Oh, I never heard that one. It's great.

He's like, I'd sell my soul for a hit. So one of my favorite SNL sketches, if you can find that. There's a big thing, though, that the people are selling the souls to the devil to make it famous. I mean, I believe in a TikToker that did it. Can I just say explain you production though? Well, like when he says, Hey, if you can find that video and then you pull up a different video, it just for from the viewer standpoint, it seems crazy. It's just the people at home are going, that's fucking wild. Why wouldn't the, why would they start playing different video that they were speaking about three minutes ago? Go

ahead, explain yourself. This is the video. I were speaking about three minutes ago. Go ahead. Explain yourself. This is the video. I was talking about this video. This was the fan. Yeah. But Lewis is making the point. I talked about that video three subjects ago. And then I said, if you can find that video, then you pulled up a video and it wasn't the video. I'm just saying from a, this is why you're not a producer, Max, because you're not seeing it from the audience's perspective. It's Danny. No, Danny, you did just Bobby said you are a producer.

He's great. You should hear what he says about Max though. Wow. I mean, Max is sabotaging me week after week. Max is here to take down my pocket. So you know, Max, it's not a bit like off air. Bobby says it with no one else around. He won't even refer to his own son as Max anymore.

Yeah, I call him Jake. I give him another cool name. You know what, you're Jake now. Cause if I say Max, I'm going to fucking hit you, kid. And I don't want to hit you. I got into a big fight this morning with Don. About what? I don't want to get into it, but...

Yeah, I want you to. Come on, give us some deep. Did you have a self? I went to the gym. I just went to the gym. And I started lifting. And I was doing chest. And then I was doing an incline. And I I didn't how to get on the ink. I had the dumbbells in my 30 pounds and I didn't how to go

Fell oh no, I fell at the fucking gym I would kill footage I would kill for that footage the way I tried to throw my leg over and then I just Flipped over under my neck and fell on my neck and the dumbbells were too heavy and they fell on my hand and an old Indian guy Had to come over and how You understand how easy it is Do you want me to get the footage? Position This one fat cream. I'm going to fuck you on the ground

Hold the weight over your shoulder. Yeah, I'll get the footage. I'll show you next time. Is it insensitive a little bit I was dog, but I was edgy. I was so mad I was so like fucking and then I fell over and then I just became Bobby again because I was hurt Embarrassment is the best way to go but going from angry to embarrassed. It takes it all away. Oh, you must deal with do you ever get embarrassed though? That's the secret I literally don't have you never you never were mad and then you've run it upstairs and you trip going upstairs One time I spazzed out when I was a waiter because they weren't sitting my section or whatever And I was like what the fuck and then they didn't sit it again And I fucking like punched the table or whatever. I was like what the fuck I'm not gonna make any money today

And my I didn't know my manager was behind me and they're like damn it. I was like Fuck, I'm not gonna make any money today. And I didn't know my manager was behind me, and they're like, damn, and I was like, ha, yeah, fuck, yeah, fuck. I wish for being like so mad to be like, ah, fuck, I gotta go outside and smoke a cigarette. I'm sorry, I'm gay. Yeah.

Embarrassed now. I don't really have anything. You've never done anything. You've never been embarrassed. I guess the feeling of embarrassed, you're right. If I trip up the stairs, there is a moment of embarrassment. You're right.

Specifically, that moment where you trip it up the stairs or even tripping over my own feet, which does happen very often. Well, I'll just be walking and then what happens is I don't gauge how far my foot is from the ground. So when I go to step, it catches the earth. I'm at step and I'll just do that and I fall forward and my girl's just, my girl's so coordinated.

She's like, fuck it walks away for me. And then I usually would do like a little jog I'm like no one saw that no one saw that dude I drew I was walking up the stairs of a the sixth train and I had a hot coffee and I was going to work I slipped in my fucking everything hit the coffee went Burning my arm I trip going up the the stairs on the going up to six. You know the big long escalator, but then they have stairs next with like five stair levels.

And there was a hot chick behind me and I was kind of going up. And I tripped, but when I tripped, I fell on my head and my neck went into the corner of the stairs. The Indian guy came out and was like, oh Bobby, it's you again. I am here.

There was an old guy coming down the escal out and was like, oh, Bobby, it's you again. I am your Indian. There was an old guy coming down the escalator and he went, are you all right? I'm your Indian Jiminy Cricket. Every time, every time a fat man falls and Indian gets his wings. I had one, Sarah, and I went to see Don Girl when it came out.

It was an opening night in the city and it was sold out, packed. And we were sitting in the middle like row five and I'm a big, I got a piss. I drink a lot of tea and I was, I wanted to time it. So right before the movie, like the last preview, I was like, I'm going to run in piss. And then I was coming back and the lights had gone down and I don't know how it happened. It chain reaction. I tripped over the first person and then it like fell to the next person and I was like, Oh, sorry. And then I literally did like all the way down the row

and like kicked over popcorn. You can hear Soda. And I did movies. I'm so mad at you. I'm so mad at you kicking over my movies. I would have laughed. Sarah was howling. I mean, I physically touched like nine people.

And it looked like you blocked it out for a movie. I was like, oh, Joe, fuck you. Oh, fuck. It was just a mess of shit. That happened when I was in high school. We went to the movies? It was packed palestinian center movie palestinian center all at the time I mean now's like the fifth or sixth largest mall

But it was like the largest mall in the country at the time the AMC was massive by huge yeah huge stadium seating is before the Before there was a regular thing. It couldn't have been I remember walking into a theater when you didn't know the stadium style seating You're like walking into a theater when you didn't know the stadium style seating and you're like, what? Dude, I thought it was at the Super Bowl. It was great, dude. Well, let me tell you, it sucks. Dude, I fuck it.

I had just the biggest old fucking Coke you could have like a fucking. Back in the, this is the 90s, the early 2000s, but they give you like 88 ounces. Dude, sugar wasn't a problem. No, dude. They're like, we don't think you're drinking enough sugar. Maybe you go to 7-Eleven and grab a bucket with a handle.

Dude, super, super-sized. Do you remember super-sized McDonald's? Yeah. And you're like, can I have a tub of Coke? Yeah, I loved it. I had a big old popcorn and my girlfriend and her friends were like at the very top, dude. And I fucking, it was during the previews, I'd come in, dude, and it was just,

whatever it was, it was so bright, the lights were like behind me, dude. I'm gonna say something, I tripped up the stairs. I spilled everything, dude, just everything. And then you literally watch just everybody around me start laughing, then everyone saw them laughing the whole theater Literally pointing and cackling as I'm covered in popcorn and soda Dude one of the funniest videos they have from downstairs is

Keith oh, yeah going on this Any fucking eight shit. He's just walking. They just he's gone stroke or it was post stroke So they're laughing at it was kept me. It was a stroke. We made it funny. Yeah, it does that God's involved in that joke The I don't know why this isn't about a fall But when me and my buddy went and saw the first expendables we wouldn't saw it in Times Square You went started the movies because we were like, this is going to be horrible. So let's get high and go see a bad movie. Because we were like, Times Square is the worst place

to go see a movie. Well, dude, we walk in and there's like really no one in there. And we're just like, oh, this will be fun. We can like yell at the movie screen or whatever. And there was just a spit everywhere. But that's crazy that you were like, sweet, we could yell the movie screen. Yeah, just talk shit to the movie.

We remember when we did that at Nightmare on Elm Street? Where me and you got kind of drunk and like. Oh no, I got mad. Dude, I got mad at all the black people laughing at the, then they were not funny scenes, but it was just such bad dialogue that they started laughing at it. I was like, stop it, stop laughing.

Weren't you with me and Nate and like Dustin Chaffin and all them? Yeah, and I got mad. No, that's right. It was black comedians were laughing. I got mad at the black comedians. Well, I was drunk. I was taking it very seriously. I was drunk and I was laughing with them because it was such a bad movie. It was the new, it was a remake of Nightmare on Shoot. So there was absolutely no humor in it. It was simply

supposed to be a horrifying movie. And I was so pumped for so long. I thought it was so bad to begin with that I was like, oh, this is going to rule. We're just going to make fun of it. And people, Lewis, Dustin, Chaff and a couple of people were like turning around and being like, Hey, stop. No. Yeah. I swear to God. just going to make fun of it. And people, Lewis, Dustin Chaff and a couple of people were like turning around and being like, Hey, stop. No, I swear to God. Cause we're making fun of it. And they turn around like, Hey, we paid a lot of money for this and we want to watch it. And I was like, this movie sucks. But at the expendables, we're like the movie starts and it's them on a ship fighting like Africans or whatever. And they, and we just, you got Joe's attention.

What is the thing? What's the movie I'm thinking thinking of that's a cartoon. It's a family. The Incredibles. Okay. The Incredibles is the bad. I'm a picture of Incredibles. And I'm like, okay, you got the loan. He's still on a picture. Like a family of superheroes fighting. Stay them all those. Yeah. It's, it's, it's like a bad action movie. Right. Right. We're sitting there. Well, there's Mrs. Incredible wrapping up in african with her I told you I was incredible yeah you I incredibly mean the little white kid lost to the African guy race I am incredible now I put you on not that fast I take your incredible so we were like watching the first scene of the Expendables and we just hear like And these two fucking teenagers are in the back just fucking just all out fucking that's hot

And they're banging they were giving a golf clap movie started. No, dude. That's what we thought classy people I'm not gonna lie very respectful. I think I turned to my friend Los and I went like who's And I turned around and this guy's just you just see this guy's his butt because they're in the corner and he's like And then they fucked and then they laugh they left of course They just like left yeah, like as the movie starts and I always think about that kids like 15 If that girl got pregnant like that kids like 15 or 16 now And he's like yeah, my parents fucked during the expendable during the opening scene of expendables. Did I tell you at the time I had two people fucking

in my hallway in my apartment building? No, it was crazy. We had for like a week, our front door. There's like the outside door. Was this in New York? This is my current apartment at building. Like there's like the out first outside door and that's where the mailbox is out of the second. This is my move, dude. This is what I would do with chicks back in the day I'd fucking like let's find an open stairway when I live at Billy Burr and he was home I would fuck right between the doors Burrs like I fucking heard you you were banging Do you ever know you're out there being like?

No, he was probably in there writing a joke or something. I was hoping they were just getting head from a Puerto Rican girl. He's like this is going to be the one. And he's like this is it dude. Muffins. Yeah. Fucking no one stops the muffins. He's like writing muffins on the other side of the door. There's something funny about muffins. Yeah I'm fucking smashing them. And then Bobby's like oh fuck. No maybe you're not inspired got inspired by Bobby's again fucking smash it dude smash Bobby was getting head from a Puerto Rican going your brother does comedy That's just good stuff My sister yeah, my first of all that's an insult to him and me first off. This is Lewis Louis

This is maybe 15 years ago. We're at big J's apartment smoking weed hold on easy Louis looks nervous. I'm nervous. It's very very funny. Ever whenever somebody says this was 15 years ago I'm like Statue to statute of limitations on my statutory. You almost. You're a statutory. I think Doug, someone says 15 years ago, Amelia, I'm like statutory.

Right. So big, big J's apartment in Queens, he used to have like the computer in the kitchen and we would smoke cigarettes on his balcony and he'd bring up like YouTube videos right there. Right. Yeah. So we had all like smoke and Jay would show us funny videos. And so we're doing that.

And then Lewis goes, oh, you guys want to see something? And he goes to MySpace. And he brings up this girl's profile. And he goes, look at this girl, huh? And then Jay and I are like, yeah, what a slut or whatever. He goes, that's my sister. He brought up his own sister and baited us into shitting on her. I did. I was like, look at this pic. I fucked her one. That's my sister. He brought up his own sister and baited us into shitting on him. I did.

I was like, look at this pic. I fucked her one. That's what I said. You were like, oh dude, she's not that hot, but I mean, was she good? I was like, dude, he fucking kept going. I did that to DeRosa once. That's really mean.

When Beatrice was working as a bartender at Eastville. Yeah. DeRosa walks in. Oh, he's the best one to get to. And I was like, I was like, dude, look at this new bartender, dude, he's like, dude, fucking right? I was like, what? I would do it.

I was like, dude, I would fuck him. He's just biting his lip. I'm like, dude, look at this new bartender dude. He's like, dude, fucking right. I was like, what? I would do it. I was like, dude, I would fuck him. He's just biting his lip. I'm like, that's, that's my girlfriend. Yeah. She would have gone up and kissed her. What do you do if I go up and kiss her? He'd be like, you fucking nuts. I'd like to hear that Lewis has people visiting from out of town. And he's like, we'll get on the ferry.

I'll take you by the statutory rape of liberty. But anyways, let me finish my story that got it 45 minutes ago. About the kids fucking in the vest. That's why we're good. No rules. No direction. Sorry. Spec for us. Sorry guys. We're comedy jazz. All right. I'm going to kill myself. Go ahead. Joe. I like comedy. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Rock or go go go Is it Hold fucking feet of cold Joe can you do that you might be having a stroke dude? That's a first sign Yeah, dude cold feet. I hope I do. I wish you'd call people where you came here

Stroke at my wedding if you do if you do stroke out We're gonna make a patreon and put it on there just so we can fund for We're going to make a Patreon and put it on there just so we can fund for Jake's Bobby died. Bobby died. We would do the show weekly, but you know what? Now it makes sense. You know what? There's enough money now.

So I hear, there I was in my own home at the apartment. Oh Jesus. I'm going to try to really sell it like a story, you know? Yep. Here I am. I'm going ready. I'm going ready to get out Getting out baby brain. I opened my front door and I just see like because they're backlit And they happen to be of the African-American persuasion. How late how late is this?

It's like three in the afternoon probably coming here and it was because our front door was broken for like ten minutes Oh, whatever we before you turned into a right wing Republican or after? This was the moment. Was this before your MAGA? This is how it happened. I was like, we're going to hang them high. It's enough already. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.

I'm just saying a separate but equal crazy? That's nuts. Is that crazy? We call Joe the board and Brown v. the board. No, but I open the door and it was cut because they're back lit and you just You're not expecting to see The backs lit Open the door The Sun hits their backs and it lights up the Boston

Where they're picking bugs at each other's hair Sarah. They're fucking doing it No them No, but it was crazy because what it was the woman was up against the door It was like standing from behind so I just see like movement and then I'm like squinting thinking like that run on Is that Steve? Like you please stop looking Joe, please But I think the girls's head was down. So the guy recognized first. So he jumped and all of us, I just saw his dick.

Big old fucking hammer. And he just took off without her. And so that I'm looking at high school beaver pussy. Oh, is it high school? I was young. I don't know about high school, but they were teenagers. I would say literally, dude, that's literally above board and legal. You get to have that memory. That's on them. Guess what? That was a barely legal dirty debutant. Hell yeah, but then it was school kids, but I had to I mean they weren't 11 They were like, how do you know guys dick was 10 feet long? They had to have been at least 17 14 So there's 70 how long does how long does it last of their fuck you open the door?

They're fucking and then they in the guide runs how long of a time span is that? Realistically, maybe seven Mississippi's before they're out the door. That's very long But it was but not them fucking that's from the time that they're I'm opening the doors going like this to them gone You know, but he totally left like without her. What did she say doing this and her tits were out, too Hell yeah, so you so you saw teen tits 20 I don't know what that means. It's all legal. It's all cool. Is that your fault? You didn't seek those titties. Yeah, so you have they got your face In your hallway, it wasn't hot though. It was like

No, I don't like it. No, I like Vorky's. I love Halle Berry. You just didn't like the light skin. Yeah. You don't like a true Nubian queen. No, there's some fucking racist. Yeah. I love Michael Jordan. When I was a kid, I had his posters huge Jordan fans. Jack. There's no way you're a Jordan fan. You're from Boston when Larry Bird was playing. No, I'm a massive Well, I was born in 82. So I kind of missed the bird. Yeah, we I like bird. Yeah, he's old as I sub burden Joe Jordan play double overtime and we won. That's pretty sick. This is a great game. Yeah, unbelievable. No, I was a Jordan guy So when they run when they want and I came because I had to leave still like I was like Came I I'd already came I couldn't just be like I won't leave and I walked out and they to leave still. Like I was like, I came. I could, I'd already came.

I couldn't just be like, I won't leave. And then I walked out and they were up the street kind of giggling. They look back. We made eye contact and I was like, ah, 20 white boy, we just fucked. You know, be vessel. You that's all hallway now. That's like, what are you going to do?

Yo peck, a bird, just burn mother fuck up in his neck. Look at the meat. Fuck my girl. Yo bird face Go a go drink some water burn Yeah, go put your dick in his mother's mama bird This motherfucker lack of chin having motherfucking looking at me motherfucker looking at these teen titties you pervert Jiggling for real nice guys now you're getting all your zings in on me as them. I

see what you're doing. Yeah. We're black teenage kids. Yeah. Rules. You beat a black teenager rule. Bird face. Motherfucker call the cops bitch. Don't tell your dumb bitch wife that I was fucking shut your beak up bitch. She your football teammate never gonna win motherfucker 49 is more like 48 is motherfucker hey guys Guys time out this is hurting this bitch seven last time they wait a motherfucker Your dad never loved you anyway Do me do me do me

Motherfucker we were just kidding about him. Yeah, that was a joke Like for sure. Oh my God. Did you, what do you say to the building? You go, how did they get in? Cause the front door would have been locked. And then we had another unlock. I was like broken.

The lock was broken. And I had another one when we came home at like 12, 30 at night and there was three guys. And I think they were had like a glass, bong thing, but maybe it was some other. It's a crack pipe. It's a crack pipe. What are you an asshole? I think they had a glass Bong thing but maybe it was some other crack crack What are you an asshole?

Three black guys And I think it was tobacco and honestly, I don't know if this was like energy weed Very It was the opposite that we had gone bad. It was like a white powder. No, it was the opposite. They were all like asleep. This is really funny. Three of them were like sleeping on top of each other in a pile. They were Latino and we had to kind of step out and I had to be like, guys, you got it. This is, this is the way I will say one of my favorite things in the world. Okay. I was just going to say, I love when Mexican construction workers in New York city just

get blackout drunk at 4 PM on a near, near a corner store. We're just holding giant Budweiser's and you're like, yeah, dude, you guys work hard, play hard. That was us. But the best is so I kind of like, as like guys, you can't, you can't be here. I'm sorry. You got to leave whatever in your building. And this is late at night. They're in the vestibule. So they kind of stumbled out. They were probably again, like 1920. They kind of stumbled out. You're not afraid at all because like in, like I'm, when I was a teenager, if some corny ass cracker told me, my friends to beat it, we might've just started talking shit to you. And I'm not like corny ass. I have a feature film. I got YouTube specials. What do you crazy? That's what Joe's saying is they attack. He means physically. Yeah, no, I'm fucking I'm a man

They go they go leave him alone. I've seen him on YouTube. Well, I wasn't like No, this is Joe lives from last year's material is a real mutual hilarious Very well-written beats. he shoots specials a lot yeah it's a feature film yeah well you see gay who cancel who is also Mexican they were like sleepy fucked up they were like what like I was like guys get the fuck how do they get in the front door was broken. Placents, placents. You guys never. I'm sorry. Wait, hold on. So it, so then I kick them out and they leave and this, I see the little pipe on there and I'm like, Oh, there's a fucking like pipe

here. Guys, guys, you forgot this. You're chasing them down the street. Your weed pipe. So then I go upstairs and we're like, tobacco only. That was crazy. We got to get the door fixed. Cause the door you could lock, we had to pull it shut to lock. So it wouldn't close automatically. So we went upstairs and the doorbell just starts ringing. And like one o'clock in the morning it's like,

dong dong. Oh, now you're freaking freaking out. And I'm like, what the fuck is this? You sold the crap out. But they keep ringing the doorbell. When I open the door, they're at the door. You let them in? No.

Hello, hello. Hello. Hello. Hola. door, they're at the door. You let them in? No. Hello, hello. Hello. Hello. Hola. Hola, hola. I... Soniendo, se enunciando. There's a little mariachi band.

Nailing it over the intercom. Joe's like, okay, all right. Joe has a new bathroom. I went out there and I got the little pipe thing and I handed it to him and I was like, okay, take care. What's wrong with you? Cause they were going to ring my doorbell all night or kick it. How do they know your doorbell? I bet they're just, I think I'm sure they were pressing all the buttons. Just let somebody else deal with that.

I'll tell you. Yeah. But if you're asleep in a vestibule and the thing that got you leave it, you leave the pipe, they were rude. They shouldn't have been returned. I would've literally gone to the roof. I said, hey, Mexicans. I would run it and they were, look. Adios, Nio. My legal weed pipe. No, that was for my cataracts. That's because I'm a good person. I care about the people who are beneath me.

Can I ask you two a question? Because I know the answer for you. Have we ever missed, no. I've tried a couple times. Have you guys never like fooled around in like, in the parks? Yeah, I got a, I got a B John a beach one time. No, I'm talking in the city. I'm talking city. Uh, yeah. But drunkenly, I got a blowjob on 54th street around the quarter from Barcelona bar.

I thought he was at studio 54. Just getting sucked off by Richard Simmons. Kissing guys getting sucked off by Richard Simmons Angel wings on You should get too straight under your eye like Adam this is Dan he's quite Yeah, but Where I would just on the street one of those big mailboxes. Oh you got blown on it. That's that's dangerous. It was fucking sick I was hammered. That was the only reason I even you never you've never you've been He's in a park where it was a mailbox. It was a man pussy. I

was thinking I opted to not say it because I didn't have a joke. I didn't want to do what you did, which is just save the awkward, uncomfortable way. I thought of the pun as well and I just couldn't get there at the time and pass for it. Your guys is man pussy. guys, is pun romance that's blossomed since we've brought the crew back together. It's fantastic. It's very true. I love it. It's nice. We're very tall. It's more of a romance. But have you fucked, you've fucked in public. You've done all that shit. I fucked. Yeah. I got herpes on a, on a playground with a literally really short girl. So here in New York, not Tampa. No, no, it was Connecticut, but not here.

Oh, wasn't you've never done anything in New York? I claim like I knew Joe. I don't think, I mean, it's all a bit hazy now, but I don't think so. I fucked in the woods. I fucked on a playground, but not in the city. I showed a girl my dick the first time we hung out after leaving your house. Yeah But I don't think so. Hmm. No Yeah, I've always had a hole. Did you ever get caught? Yeah getting banged. Yeah, I got caught out here The cops sexy Bobby's dude the sexy Bobby run in the 90s Yeah, we're all you had to worry about was AIDS and herpes used to get blown in the park the Washington Square Park I get blown there?

Just on the bench, way late at night, nobody's in there. Just sit on the bench. And you could finish. I used to bring him up to the central park, which was kind of dangerous. That's like rape central. It was kind of scary. You go, but way up on the West side,

if you just go in just a bit, just a bit, and then you jump on a bench, you can hang out, fuck around. I fucked a girl, I remember one time. Only one time? This is a bitch that had like armpit hair. She was like very fucking avant-garde. Sounds like a mailbox.

And Lewis is heyday, he would just bring women around and you're like, oh, don't have sex with her. Yeah. I see a girl and you go like, you pull Lewis aside and go, Lewis, don't have sex with her. I was just, yeah, I was into making, here's the thing, if she's hot, great. If she's not hot, I see a girl you go like you pull loose aside go loose. Don't I was just yeah I was into making something here's thing if she's hot great if she's not hot I feel hotter It's weird. You're the sexy sexy one dude. Yeah So I met the shake it was funny as I she came to my show in Key West, Florida this girl two a year ago

I brought my girl at the time to West with me and this girl that I fucked I only met her one time ever all time ever I fucked her how many years ago I mean years ago I was in Central Park you moved like you knew her wait when was this fuck we did show fucker we did shows at like a punk rock club like right off a time square for like a month there was like some weird little fucking room that we were starting to produce shows was that that was after ha? It might have been after LOL. LOL, that's what it was. But yeah, I met this chick

and she was fucking kinda smelly. She had armpit hair and she was cute enough, but like, and then we, she was staying in a hostel and yeah, I was like, I was the fuck. So then we went to Central Park. It was like February. It was like seven degrees. So it was cold outside.

Seven degrees, maybe. It was crazy how cold it was. And I remember just like fucking sticking my dick and just I'm just being like, and I put it in a little, you had a little fucking tiny little bit and I couldn't finish it. And I was like, we got to go back. You were like, Michael J. Fox. We got to go back to your, uh, hostile. I was like, this is crazy. So we went to the tour hostile on the Upper West side. I remember just like walking like 24 blocks or something in such a good, just for pussy. It was such a crazy thing that

that's how much pussy mattered back in the day. And then we went to our hostel and then we just fucked in the common area of the hospital, or the hostel rather. Hospital. Boom, boom, boom. And he's like, hold on, I think this guy's about to finish. I wanna finish when this guy dies.

Hold on, he's almost out. Did everybody's headphones go out for a second? No. I said Michael J. Fox. Anyway, so you go back to the common room of the hostel? Yeah, and we banged there. And then yeah, that was that. I never saw her again.

She came out to a show in Key West, like randomly. How did she show up? She introduced herself, was she just like me from the hostel? No, she didn't introduce herself. I saw her, I was like, the girl looks familiar. And then one of the other comics was like,

oh, that girl said she fucked you outside In New York City, and I was like oh is that shit? Oh? She had enough respect to not like come up and like I was with my girl like yeah, I'll be like hey remember we fucked that side How did she look? Fine better stink worse older smeller older. I'm a little smellier. She'd gone through puberty at that point So I think she's Jesus Christ Michael J. Fox is just a fairly shaky guy. You're probably...

You earlier. Fox are pretty shaky. You earlier. Let's keep trying to cut him off. You earlier had said something. Hey, folks. It is time to eat well in 2024 with Factor. God, I need Factor.

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If you're a single dude by yourself, it's cheaper just to get factor meals delivered to your door than making your own food. They're so easy. I had them at my house. Max cooked his own dinner. Put it in the microwave. It's all fresh. None of it's frozen. It's amazing food. Simple to make. Head to factormeals.com slash regs50. That's R-E-G-Z-5-0 and use code REGS 50 to get 50% off that's code regs 50 at factor meals calm slash regs 50 to get 50% off That's a big discount. Yeah fucking outside is New York City though. I love it I fuck because there's people like pop of a police car at like seven o'clock. What are you a cinemax movie? What who fucks on top? fucks? out there fucking lights

It was who you can see him in in Gramercy you and Karen Feehan me and Karen Feehan Yeah, on top of a police car in the broad broad daylight that fucking where come on on top of a police car You can't see Karen in broad daylight. No way Wait in broad daylight in broad day on top of police car like a Michael Jackson video There's no way you fucked up Also the cop is like hold on hold on let this go We can go beat up the car in the car rocking and they're like good And he's like let it go talking the hood or the trunk or the roof yeah, not the roof lights on the roof

The hood the hood in daylight daylight cops in the car. No Hi Karen, you're Kelly you're on speakerphone. You're on the regs podcast with Joe list Robert Kelly Dan Soder No, it's cool. It's a good thing. Thank you for not answering. Thank you for not answering how you normally answer the phone. Oh, Lewis.

Yeah, I can't believe it. I need it, I fucking need it. Yeah. Yeah. Watch yourself. Straight on, man. So I was telling them a story about a time that we had sex in public,

and we would do a lot of public sex. Me and Karen, if we went to a bodega, I'm going to try to slip it in. If as soon as we turn the corner by the potato chips, yeah, dude, there are so many Chinese delis Chinese delis. There's so many Chinese guys that are like, come back. So Karen, I was telling him about probably our most infamous public sex. What would you say that it would be? I would think it was the time we were in, oh, the cop car. That's crazy. And it was an actual, it was a working cop car, Karen. It wasn't like a blues brothers, former cop car. Wasn't that funny?

We were close to the stand, the old stand or something. We were like over there, like near, like third up. What time of day was it? The Sun was out. That's crazy. Right sons out guns out. What a slut was it were the cops anywhere near the car? No, were you afraid? Will you afraid at all? Yeah, that's why she did it. I forced her Whose idea was you know my favorite time that we had public sex though, please tell me. The, it was, I think you were at the comedy connection and Providence. Yeah.

He was opening for you. Yeah. I know my thing. I don't know if we went to the movies or something, but they had one of those like games where you like pretend to drive the car. Oh, like cruising USA. Oh yeah. I sat on your lap somehow you got it in me

and Fini was in the next game over. Oh, yeah. Actually playing a game like a game. Hey, you guys got any more quarters? I almost won. I got 20 tickets. Oh, wow. You guys, that level was super hard. And Lewis is like, Oh, yeah. You know, when you're on the phone taking a dump and someone could tell your voice changes? It's like that when you come and you go, Yeah, do you want to go get something? Hee hee hee. Alright Karen, thank you. Hi guys. I want a soldier.

I mean, she's like- I want to know more of these details. So did you climb up the car? Why are you- No, I just- She was wearing a skirt, I put her on the hood of the car and I fucking- Okay, because I think on top of a police car, I think the roof. I fucking- I fucking literal jump. I I mean that's just a little less crazy now, I'm visualizing you think walk up is like

That's what I'm picturing like back draft remember that On top of the fire You stick it in a foot draft Those are you know what the attempt But Karen had Karen she had sex with sagalow No, no call her back. No, I call her back You shouldn't put that in the podcast you really shouldn't she admits it publicly yes she was on the bonfire she all her back really that's wild

all right she said on the bonfire that's why did that hurt that I feel like you did the thing I feel like Karen is fucked but you know what it feels like that I felt like when I was in college, I hooked up with this girl in my apartment complex and she was hot and I was like, dude, I'm the man. And then this like fat hippie that lived under me was like, yeah, she blew me like two weeks ago. I was like, yeah.

Hello. Love of my life, put it in my mouth. Come in like. Oh, he's fucking, you know what? Bobby can't breathe. I can't breathe right now. Oh, I got it. Karen, I't breathe. I can't breathe right now. Oh my God. Karen, I'm gonna call you in a couple minutes.

Bobby, Joe goes, I have to piss. Also can I have Karen's phone number? Karen. You had sex with Brendan Sagalow. Where's the craziest place you had sex with him? Oh my God, stop, I'm not up. Stop, how do we make that disappear? I don't know, tell us how we made it disappear. How do we make it disappear? How do we make it disappear? How do we make that disappear? I don't know. Tell us how we made it disappear.

Made us four inches disappear. How did he make it disappear? He did. Right. He's four inches. Right. Oh God. Where was it? I was in a blackout. I was in a. Saguaro raped Karen. Wow. I don't want to do that to Brett. I need house party.

Okay. And it was bad. It was bad. I mean, he'll say it to Brennan. He's party Okay Okay, all right. All right. Bye. All right. Thanks. Love you Joe be calling. Hey, do you want to open for me? Anywhere you want just look at my calendar tell me where you want to go Just look at my calendar tell me where you want to go All right, bye So funny that Bobby says that and then like in six hours. He's gonna be like so anyways, uh, Florida You're like, oh, yeah, I did make that promise. I take her on fucking the road. Jesus Christ I just did just did mother ship together. Yeah, she's really funny. I like her. She killed every show and then she kept buying meals Which was nice

Yeah, she's like you don't she kept buying meals, which was nice. When I was buying me meals, it's great. I love that. It's pretty good. Yeah. She's like, you don't even have to pay me for these shows. She's like, do you want me to give you money? You look like you could use a couple bucks. Well, that's what's nice about mothership. You don't have to pay her. They give her money.

They pay well for the future. Yeah. I think it was like 300 bucks a show. That's pretty good. The feature. Yeah. That's all right. She did like 18 minutes.

I got Brian Moses feature in for me when I'm there. I don't know whose feature for me. She gets a day later. I tried to push him on him. Who is it CJ Landry? He's one of their guys from there. I gotta get a past guy there. Oh, yeah I got to see if my buddy Matt Ross is past there to host I believe he is cuz I brought it up to CJ He said they're good buddies and I love so many you just played the what the other room over there It's really good to what's that room? The Creek? The Creek in the cave? Is it the Creek? Well, I did a bunch. I did the Creek, I did the Monteshire.

We just missed each other. I did Vulcan. Vulcan, I like Vulcan. Austin's got his thing. They fucking did, I was ready to leave and then they hit me up there like, hey, do you want to headline this show? What else did they make?

They were like $3,500 bucks. You want to headline the show? And all you could do was 15 minutes. And I was like, what? Oh what all those closing a 15 minute spot I'm going and it was such an annoying amount of money because I was like dude I fucking can't say no to that no 15 minute spot one more night Yeah, but Austin does they keep you there they keep the last night I was leaving then Shane was like you undo my podcast tomorrow, and I was like I've been here for eight day

I gotta get out. Why don't we move in there? Should we all move there? We're not moving dude. We can't come on Let's all go. We're trying to make that here. We're gonna lose Joe. We're gonna open a comedy club here We're gonna fucking should have bought in Dangerfields, dude They don't they they offered me a percentage of the business for free and I turned it down I would have loved it that room ruled. I Because I didn't know what their vision was and I it was such a small percentage that I was like I'm not like I'd rather open my own comedy club But I would be part of something that I don't then I have no control over just that opportunity when that room was open

I was like damn if Lewis was fucking running that shit. Yeah, don't even know who bought the danger field somebody I don't know who Rodney's now. Is it anybody we know is Murphy's got a show there that I'm doing in two weeks. So I'm doing a show there too soon What what would you name your comedy club? I I'll tell you guys, but you actually literally kick, because I don't want somebody to steal the name. So we're gonna have to bleep it out? You'll bleep it out. Bleep it out.

Can we bleep it out? Bleep it out. We'll bleep it out. Yeah, yeah. Ah! Don't even bleep it. No one's taking that. Because you don't get it.

You don't get it. Oh, this is a... Ah! I just wanted to watch Lewis's face. Because Lewis launched it. Lewis did it like this. He went. This is.

This is. Yeah. Do you know why'd you get it? No, I don't get it. None of you think it sucks. When you tell us, we're still not going to. Mine's so much better. What's yours?

You tell me why it's that bullshit. This is. This is. I hate you. We're still not gonna mind so much better. What's yours? You tell me why it's that bullshit I hate you wow I hate you. I think you should be kicked out of comedy Well, that's crazy cuz and you can and women you can you can bleep this out. Cause when I opened my comedy club, knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knocks is good. Who's there is not a bad. No, knock knock. Knock knocks. Knock knocks is good. But now can we do we have to cut the fucking thing out too? Because that's fun and funny.

Come on. You think somebody's going to take. I know somebody's going to take. Nobody. No one's ever. That whole section is gonna take. I know somebody's gonna take. Nobody will ever. By that whole section, it's a long bleep. I will bet you $10,000, nobody takes it. It's the most unpleasant part of a podcast I've ever listened to. It's one long bleep.

What's mine? It's called Danny's Tush. No, I don't know. You didn't have it. Or the other one was the N Ward. N Ward? The N Ward. I like that. That's fine. That's the urban room. That's downstairs. What's yours, Joe? The riot house. I hate

that. No, it's good. Right. House. Why house? Well, because it's like the continental Hyatt house on the sunset strip was a famous rock and roll hotel. They call it the, the Hyatt house, the riot house, riot laugh. Ha, boom. And it's not some silly. I think loses is better than yours. It's the house of riots. No, that sucks. The riot sucks. Danny's tush is better than that. Danny's tush. Danny's tush is a joke. Danny's tush is growing on me. And that's what it's gonna do. It's gonna keep growing. The more you say it, the more you like Danny's.

Welcome, Danny's. To not like it. You're right. Welcome, Danny's. We can have a Danny's to show. I don't know. Danny's to show. Do to show. Friday and Saturday night at Danny's to show.

That's a Jersey Shore Club. Yeah, fine. Whatever. I'm at Danny's to show. I like Danny's to show. Bobby, what's yours? You know what? I still will take Bobby. What's yours? You know what? What is it fat laughs that's good Fat laughs is good. That's not a bad. How about dudes? No, no Male strip club. I got it. I got it

Joe Rogan's place Brilliant most comedy father ship. Most clubs don't. I'm gonna throw up. How does your little ball make that? God damn it. Most clubs. It's like a fucking mastiff. When you first hear. Oh no man. When you have to tell people you're working at Zainis. Even mother ship. The worst is Mugubis. Yeah M Magoobies are really... That name stinks. Or Funny Bone sounds like you're making a joke. That just reminded me of DePaulo, would go, people always like, yeah, we look so angry. Yeah, I don't know, maybe because I gotta go into the bank on Monday and catch a check

with a big banana wearing sunclubs. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I Follow the fun Literally the funniest person still funny still one of them. I saw that Joe's movie premier. He goes goddamn Danny You got big. What are you trying to play tight? And I was like, all right. I'm fat next Now the the riot house is the best one for sure. No right house steaks. No, I was trying to play tight end, and I was like, all right, I'm fat, Nick. No, the riot house is the best one, for sure. No. Riot house stinks. No, the riot house is good. Ooh.

I would think out of all them. I won't even talk about it, because he's gonna want to cut it, this fucking idiot. He's gonna bleep it, I don't care. We're not cutting, we're bleeping. I said more cuts. But can you say the part with the other part? No, you bleep that part.

What I say, this is the reason, then you bleep again. You're good. They got it. Natalie, you got it. You're good. They got it Natalie. You got it Yeah, baby. I'm bar a tissue. Yeah Nat the cat she's got it just a big pile of garbage, but yeah mother ship rules Austin's Austin's a great town It's it's it's fun if you're a comic specifically if you're a fucking human I it's I mean after like four days. It's like Christ, it's like Vegas, Texas. Well they all deny it.

There's no city where people that move there deny anything negative. I had like three of people be like, there's no traffic here, that's bullshit. And I'm like, I just was in traffic, I don't get it. You've had 100,000 people move here in the last 10 minutes. There's a human being eating another human being in the center of the road. No, no, no, that's barbecue. They're blocking traffic by human on human eating. You know, you cannibalism is a form of barbecue. Shut up. Six streets of nightmare, the airport. You can't fly that many places.

Barbecue fan. I love barbecue. What's your, what's your favorite barbecue in Austin? I went to Terry Blacks for the first time. It's always a line up the street. I got to skip the line. I did Lauren conference podcast. I did too. This, oh, you should have told you were going to tell her blacks cause she's dating the owner. She called ahead, skipped the line. They fucking hooked up everything for free. I spent $175 bonkers. It was so good. We got so much. Who's podcast? Uh, Lauren Compton, big titted playboy check. And it's called Terry. Oh, I know her. She's great. Yeah. That's cry. That barbecue is always like, isn't it like a day wait for everyone?

It's like an hour. No, we went Tuesday at five PM and it was nobody. No, I, so I went to love barbecue this time and I went to Terry blacks and they're both great. Terry blacks, I will say it's probably the better one. Yeah. That it's everyone, everyone, everyone says the best one and it genuinely might be. I want to disagree. I want to say another one is better, but it's just fucking, oh my God, dude. Yeah. At rules. Yeah. We stayed right over there. We were walking distance to there. We had, we were there for eight days. It was a blast. Did a bunch of fun. Who lives in there? Shane Dylan. Shane. Everybody. Shane's friends with accept Soder.

Tim doesn't. Yeah. Tim had a house there. No. Well, he did. He had a, yeah. He owns a home. He's salad or I don't think he sold it. He has a house. Tommy Pope is moving there. Chris O'Connor moving there. Chris O'Connor's moving there. John Gardini, Gardini, Lamar, Shane, Matt. And then there's Chris O'Connor, Chris O'Connor's moving there. John Gardini. Gardini, La Mer, Shane Matt. And then there's like Hinchcliffe, Rogan. Who's the God White? There's five good comics that live at Austin. Oh, there's a bunch, dude. I went. Segora lives there too. Segora moved there. His wife. Yeah. There's a bunch. I watched, I've talked about this a couple of podcasts,

so I don't want to just over say everything, I watched the whole Karen was on the early show at little boy And I was on the late so we went and just hung out I just sat in the back and watched the whole little boy. There's like hilarious like alt comics I think people think of it like Rogan and fucking bro and they're eating deer meat and saying Alt comics who are hilarious. Yeah, but it's mainly all comics before they moved in right It was a very like the moon tower the south by southwest. That was an alternative Comedy fest. Yeah, pretty much and then Holtzman who's fucking hilarious. He's really fun. Unbelievably funny. Who's that the old guy? Yeah, yeah crazy. Oh, he's so funny. Shout out to Rebecca Creeken cave support the Creeken cave anytime. You're in Austin, Texas

Yeah, they need it Joe doesn't need to help. Oh, Rogan blasted both clubs. Last time I was down there, mothership, and then I went to the creek and I was like, damn, Rebecca, this feels just like it's awesome, dude. It's awesome. You I was over. I was looking at all the pictures of like all you guys. She she took all the pictures from Queens, like all the boards that were all over the wall and they're fucking all above the bar. Dude, it's like sick. Yeah, dude, just like all the boards that were all over the wall. And they're fucking all above the bar, dude.

It's like, yeah, dude. Just like all the young pictures of all of us. Not you, but all of us fucking. I'm not, I wouldn't admit, you are. When I was, I walked in there to do a show for the moon tower thing. And I was like, hey, what's up? She's like, yeah, some girl.

I was like, I'm doing, she goes, I'm doing the show. She goes, okay. And I was like, all right, whatever. And I just fucking like, fuck. She goes, who are you? Yeah. And I was like, all right, whatever. I just fucking like fuck. She goes, who are you? Yeah. And I was like, all right, I got to go. I just fucking you left. You did the show. I went, no, I went into the back room, but it's like, you're at the comedy club. You should know who the, it's my, I'm, I'm headlining the show. Oh yeah.

Are you a headliner? You should know who the fuck is. Is it the funny? Yeah. Well, yeah. It's just like, whatever. Is it the funny? Yeah, it's just like whatever. I did the funny bone on a Sunday night and we like drove from Stanford to Hartford and like showed up to do the show. I was showing up like right at show time or whatever

and I walked up and the lady goes, you have to wait out here. And I go, I'm headlining. And she goes, yeah, you just gotta wait out here. Yeah, fuck that. And I was like, the show's about to start. And then she went, and I loved this because she was honest.

She goes, I don't want to get in trouble, dude. I was like, it's fine, just ask her. Yeah, fuck you, walk right by him. Sometimes I think you got to let go of that stuff because I come to the cellar and I don't want to let this fuck in the door, the doorman are like, hey, who, who, and I'm like, what am I gonna do? Hey, dude, I've been passed since 2007.

Hey, you bird-looking motherfucker, stop, whoa. Hey, did you break up me and my girl fucking in the hallway? You piece of shit. Yo seat, yo seat eatin' ass. Nah, dude, if you're a man. Everyone's just trying not to get into it. That's what she said that I was like. Yeah, but Dora Guy's the one thing,

but managers of the comedy club should know who the fuck is at the club. When I went to see you at Zany's and we went to the back door, I was across the street, or wherever the fuck I was at the last factory. I came up the back door and the guy knock. Hey, I'm here with Robert Kelly We're gonna hear to Joe see Joe they should know at least I'm with you the manager walked out and goes yeah

Nobody or something like that. I'll be right back. I'm out fuck off They would you know, it's like fuck you really do scare you scare like a squirrel You're just like I just don't want to I don't want to fucking deal with that shit If you're if you're the manager of a comedy club you should know but they don't comedian They don't care. They should know everybody in this room Bobby what? Think you should let that go dude. Yeah, I think you think I should let it go Would you let it go? I don't expect anybody to know Tell you right now when that girl said I don't want to get in trouble. I went. Yeah, I'm not mad at you

Yeah, door guys one thing but a manager at the comedy club. You should know who the fuck it is fuck down I feel like they a lot of them were just managing a restaurant And then they're like you want to work at a comedy club and you're like is it the same literally they get promoted from waitress to manager It's they were a waitress a month ago. Yeah, they're not fans of comedy. They're just working at a restaurant inventory I don't I don't go fuck you fuck off., you know what you're doing. I just walk away, I'm out, I just go. You just skid, you just spook. I just leave. They can't get you, they go,

where's Bobby, just out of here, you guys. I've done that in LA a couple times where. You just moon walked away from the club. I've walked up to the club, I'm like, hey, what's up, and they're like, and I'm like, all right, I just walk, I just go. I love that you need a soft landing everywhere you go. I just don't want a hard landing.

Know who I am or I'm out. I caught that. Do you know who I am? And the guy goes, I don't know. I don't know. I was just working at a restaurant. Bobby out. I've had that happen.

Don't happen to give you two seconds. I'm gone. I've had that happen where the photo of me is behind the person. That's great. Telling me, hey dude, hey, and I went, I was like dude, and they were like, oh go I was like dude and they were like oh, yeah Like like Peter Pan they pull your face back there you are Bobby

At comedy works Denver they had the old photo sexy Bobby funny And then I was sitting there just fat Bobby and these three hot chicks walked up to like he looks funny we should I'm just like he was also very hungry now you should know who the fuck they are if you're managing the I think a lot I think we're in the age of they just don't care there's a lot of comics and oh fuck you fucking pussies. No fuck you Humility dude. I learned it from Dan at sales. You don't have humility. I have humility. No, you don't I do Hey, you have humility the most humble comic working humble pie. These are real humble. He's a real humble dude Is the name of your next hour? Yeah, dude. I'm gonna slice. Hey, hey

I'm okay Hey, I work hard. Hey, I put in the work If you want to do a comedy club that he was Love that new persona. Hey, I'm doing the work Bobby. I shit you not it happens all the time when I'm headlining a comedy I would say a good 25% of the time I walk in the person at the door does not know who the fuck Same way all the time I walk in the person at the door does not know who the fuck I am. I think that same way. All the time dude. I'm not a famous comic and I'm not like selling out so there's a lot of buzz amongst the staff and you're like we're going to make money. They mostly go, it's like Pith coming on someday. Is there like a TikTok star that can make me

run? Did I feel so bad when I don't sell? I've got to look at all the staff. Lewis, you realize, Lewis, I've been on the road for 12 years, you realize most of that's been apologizing to wait staffs. On Thursday nights when it's a quarter full and you go like, yeah, I don't know, I thought I was a pie. No, I always say that in between shows, all the waitresses come back in coats and they're like,

it was great meeting you. I was like, I'll take care. I was like, you're so nice. Oh my God, when you see him doing side work early, and you go, yeah. I'm like, why does my wait yourself a winner had We got one more show Drop checks early like in a really small show you want to complain like well guys. Hey, you wait guys. Let me crescendo

I always tip them. I was I give all the money. Yeah, but when you see there's no ticket sales You're like I give him I give him 20 bucks. Oh, that's you see there's no ticket sales, you're like, I give him 20 bucks. Oh, that's funny. And they snatch it out of my hand real quick. Great, thanks for covering Cab Fair. I think comics don't, like in general, don't tip well at all, because I don't tip like crazy. Like I watch a tell, a tell goes into a comedy club

with like bags of candy for the staff. Yeah, like Jimmy Conway. Yeah, anytime he gets a coffee, it's a $20 tip for anybody who helps him. Dude, and I'm like, I just genuinely can't afford it. I always give $20 to the person that helps, is waiting on me and then everybody gets a 20 on the weekend. I give them 50 bucks a night, the bartender. I give one person. That's good. I give my server.

They're very appreciative. They're like, oh my god, really? And I'm like, how bad? If I do good, I, every, every, most of the time, I just give everybody 20 bucks. I was at Good Nights following a famous person that was there the week before and they did a bunch of shows And I had the same green room server as the famous person And I was like how much did you make because they're very rich and he went nothing what and I went they didn't tip you and he went Here's the deal. They had a guy with them That was like their manager that was supposed to take care everything, and the manager didn't fucking take care of it. And you're like, I can see the lost in translation

from the comic, but as a comic, you should double check on that, you should make sure that people would be, especially when you're very famous and rich. Famous, famous, famous. You should be giving them what? They also, so I've banged enough comedy club waitresses. A lot of famous people are cheap pricks. I've banged enough comedy club waitresses,

and I will tell you right now that they talk about it too. Like they love to spill the beans on who the cheapos are. Yeah, you know my favorite thing to do is on the road What and I won't reveal names, but whenever I go to Rosa when I go to a comedy club I love to ask the general manager or whatever manager. I'm working with them like who's the worst comic you've worked with Oh, and they will tell you oh, yeah, I got a story about that and I cannot say it on why can't you say Just like his comedy club I don't trust you but it's funny we won't Be for private it's funny

Blueballs, right? We're gonna bleep it. We're gonna leave the name We're gonna my friend asked at a comedy club. He said who was like the biggest baby I cover your mouth, too. Cuz these motherfuckers will My friend asked at a comedy club. He said who was like the biggest Laughs Seattle and they said I believe that. I believe that. I swear to God. I swear to God. I swear to God. I swear to God. I swear to God. I fucking believe it. I think you should believe that name. I think you should call that.

Another person walked by and you're like, oh, are you telling them about blah, blah, blah, blah? No way. Yeah, yeah, they're like, oh. I had blah, blah, blah, over one time and then tell them to go fuck himself. Really? Yeah.

I don't know. Maybe something happened. Maybe it was an off week. I don't know. What did they say was the specific problem? I can't even, I don't want to get to it. Get into it. Get off week, I don't know. What did they say was the specific problem? I can't even, I don't wanna get to it. Get into it! Get into it, Joe!

Come on, come on! I'm gonna go to the doctor soon. We gotta have a go. Let's go! You got plenty of time. No, they just said he or she. She's on people we know. They said she was like really...

She is! She is! Looks even worse. Call him, she is great. She was like really Everyone wasn't fret like kind of demanding. Yep very standoff 100% because I can also see when she is around people who are higher than her. Yes. Very ass kissy. Wow. Yes. As anyone know people. She's been waiting to have an opportunity to fucking shit down.

Yeah, just a little bit. But the way she had a problem with me, I'm telling you the first time she had a problem and it was, I was like, you're out of your fucking mind. I mean, the stuff. Let me tell you right now, opening for you is terrifying. So if anyone gets out of pocket. Yeah, unfun, terrifying.

It's no money, no money, no money. Honestly. It's crazy. If I cannot imagine not kicking back my opener, anything, it's crazy. It's crazy. So they didn't give anything. I don't know. I don't think I don't know if it was a tipping issue. I think it was just an attitude. I think it was an attitude. That's insane. Hollywood. That's insane.

This is third hand. I am not this was the waitress Yeah, you know what? It does it Sit tracks it absolutely tracks fucking blip blip blip Terrible hey, no my god, and you know what there now and now the now just everything sits different Now when I see her I'm gonna be like this. You're a dick You're a real dick lady. All right, this show is also brought to you by my bookie because he's my bookie. Folks,

we got an ad read that is seven months old. Aaron Rogers, what are you kidding? All right, well fuck that. Go to my bookie right now. What time is it? We got NBA playoffs coming. We got March madness right around the corner. A couple of weeks away. My favorite time of the year, the happiest time of the year, the biggest betting time. Get on my bookie right now. This is the best app. We also got, we got conference champion, conference tournaments coming up into March madness. This is great. If you look at the East turning, we'll make some bets on my bookie. I would love it. They have same game, Parley huge prize pool contest, daily odds, boost. They have everything you want. It is truly the best interface and gambling. If you guys want to make sports that much more

exciting, just go to my bookie.ag and on your first deposit of $50 or more, you can receive up to $200 in cash by using the promo code regs instantly credited to your my bookie account. Once again, that's my bookie.ag, promo code regs, R-E-G-Z. You can bet anything, anytime, anywhere, only at MyBookie. Because he's MyBookie. MyBookie. I'm drinking too much caffeine, I'm fucking jacked up. You forgot.

What? What big thing did you forget? Call me a f***. This episode. F*** it. The magic? Yeah. I didn't bring any magic with me. We were supposed to do with this one? Yes*** this episode the magic? I didn't bring any magic

what we were supposed to do with this one? did you bring magic? I got one trick I could probably improv a trick and sell it no no no no no the dark arts do not work like that your cards, hell yeah dude let's go, let's do a trick

let's do plugs, let's plug it up plug that up Danny what do you got? when is this coming out now? sit down Danny not you Danny the other f***ing Danny this Danny this too big Danny, what do you got? Uh, when is this coming out now? Sit down, Danny, not you, Danny, the other fucking Danny, this Danny, this two Danny Danny Danny. He's doing his plugs Natalie.

It's coming out this Tuesday. Go ahead. Yes. I will, uh, I'm going to be in Cleveland, Ohio at hilarities. Great club. Um, tickets available for Thursday and Friday late show. Uh, and then I will be, I'm going be doing LOL in San Antonio on February 29th. Two shows at LOL in San Antonio

and then I'll be at Mothership that's sold out. And then you can catch me at Go Bananas in Cincinnati. I'm gonna be there for Friday, Saturday, four shows. And then I got a YouTube special coming out March 1st, recorded at Portland Helium. What's it called? I don't have a name for it yet. I'm trying YouTube special coming out March 1st, um, recorded at Portland helium. What's it called? I don't have a name for it yet. I'm trying to figure it out. Oh, I do. That's so much better. All right. What do you got? Joe, I have a shuffle. Joe, what do you got? Oh, you got your podcast too. Oh, Soder. And listen to Soder.

Check it out. Which Lewis is coming on next week. May. I guess this weekend I'm in Springfield, Missouri, Blue Room, right? Not in town. Come to that. Good nights in Raleigh, March 14th through the 16th homestead, Pennsylvania, March 28th through March 30th. Thanks for pulling up my dates. The big one though, the big daddy granddaddy. I need to sell this motherfucker. May 2nd, Regent theater in Los Angeles. I'm up against the biggest comedy show in history, historic show. They're doing two and I'm in fucking skin row. So please, if you listen to this and you're not taking us to that show, come to my fucking show. Go support the little guy for God's sakes. Why guys? Shoot seventh and eighth. What do you got, Lou?

Louisofskanks.com is the website. Next weekend, Tampa, Tampa, Florida. Tim Bartol is coming with me, which is going to be a fucking blast. You're bringing your boy February 29th and March 2nd. Me and my boy are going to work together for the first time since they became his father. Then Des Moines, Iowa, March 8th and 9th, Providence, Rhode Island, March 14th or 16th. 22nd is going to be Red Bank, New Jersey, Potsdam PA and the 23rd. Lots of other stuff. Just added Seattle, just added Denver. All the dates are up at LewisofSkanks.com. I'm adding tons more dates. It's going to be fucking crazy. I'm not, I'm nonstop touring until the fall. Make sure you check out Legion of skanks. Make sure you check out real S podcast, all these shows available on the gas digital network.

I'm going to be, I'm going to be at Mohegan son roadhouse March, a seventh. And then I'm over at sides, but as in Tampa, the 14th through the 16th. And then I'm going to me and big J at the Paramount Theatre on March 21st One show tickets available right now, but Kipsey. I'm in Houston. I'm at comedy mother mothership First two shows are sold out. I think there's tickets for the late show VIPs gone and then I'm at the Houston comedy festival the day before that I'm all over the place and of course Boston. I'm gonna be in Boston On it was it April 26th and the 27th to show only I'm everywhere I got a bunch of you go to Robert Kelly live comm for all my tickets and a check out ykwd of course and on the bonfire

What's up, buddy? I also I forgot say, I'm doing a Philly my birthday weekend. Hey, March, that's that's Easter weekend as well. But March, we're doing a live real ass podcast, me and Zach and Miko and Zach and Miko, a special guesting the entire weekend, little small club. I don't even fucking know the name of it right now, but tickets will be up at little Philly. I'll come out. Philly is going to come as you can be. Yeah. Philly fucking rules. And make sure you check out Joe special. It's on punchup.live on YouTube. Lewis has a special to specials on YouTube, half hour

on YouTube. And then my first one, Lewis Shagomas presents Lewis Shagomas and it's all, it's 90% new material out on the road right now guys. So all new shit and check out my special punchup.live for free right now. And Dan and you can check out my new special on YouTube right now. It's, if this, no, it's coming out, no, it comes out my new special on YouTube right now It's if this don't it's coming out. No, it comes out March 1st. All right So if it's out now, this is out check it out if not keep March first, it'll be out All right, here we go We're gonna do live magic Lewis is so bad. Let's kind of see that you're embarrassing

Do a one-handed shuffle show me your one who first of all who does a better one-handed shuffle? We'll just start let's see one-handed one hand the Joker still doing the deck. It's cutting it's also called the one-handed show Whoa, that was pretty cool. That was pretty cool. It's not a one-handed shuffle. You're very long fingers though I bet he could finger fuck the shit out of you. Oh Wow, that was great What the fuck was the bottle water do that again do that again do it for the camera put it on the camera I'll toss this with it all staying in one. No you won't Let's see

Whoa, whoa That was great. That was really good. Thank you. I Didn't know if you would have broken up the sex and shown them that they would have probably I was good I was like a third of the deck though. Oh That's the trick Wow, he fucked it up. Wow. Keep in mind how much shit Lewis talked Yeah, that's the beginning of this magic dude. What is that? I will sue. What are you doing? I swear to God I'll sue

What is this? Oh, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? I will sue! What are you doing? I swear to God, I'll sue! What is this? This year card? I don't know how to get those. I don't know how to get those. Are you just throwing cards at each other? Dude, I've got to hurt someone. Oh, God! You can kill somebody!

Don't you know about that guy? Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, I almost said, uh... You're throwing Bobby through a bottle of water at my head? Yeah, I do. Did I?

Remember when you used to be physically abusive to your friends? Remember when you used to be physically? Your physical yeah, you're physical don't fucking egg in my car This is my egg one this is shit hand This is this is Lewis Lewis and I bump into Charlie MMA gym, which my train our trainer literally said to me He said I don't want you fucking around with Lewis. Why does it stay away from him? Why are you so dangerous? He was like that much more skilled than he doesn't have any control He's like don't try Joe What are you fucking a stroke you get nervous?

This is like let's spart. I'm like I've been advised magic by the way is that it no no I got a trick. It's gonna blow your your shit off There's a card over here D D He's dating I say Dan then he's gonna go what call him Danny or the retarded one you don't say D What are we the retarded one not me? Not me Don't you such a fucking ham? This is Lewis. I go. I don't want to start. Lewis goes, I'll do, I'll go defense only. You're just throwing punches. I'm like, all right, I'll do that. So I'm throwing some

punches. He's gonna just stick to that about 30 seconds in. Lewis just halls off and punches me in the face. I go, what the fuck? He goes, I got to throw some punch. Can I say something though? You don't like that's literally not what we agreed on. Lewis, you have a punchable face. That'd be hard not to punch it. Thatful I was low I would want to punch your face the fact that you believe that My friend Louis go ahead Lewis It's rowing them it's gonna miss let's go. Let's go. All right, Dan. I have a trick. Oh, can I can it. I missed it. Okay. It's rolling them. It's gonna mess up. Let's go. Let's go. All right, Dan. I have a trick Oh, can I can I can I need that for my trip to these are tissues? I need a tissue. I'm a mark. Here's my

What's your dusty finger? All right, Dan, can I just teach you a trick? That'll be that'll be nice. I don't really do magic, but I teach magic. Sure. Okay, hold this tissue. Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna hold this tissue. Put that in your non-dominant hand.

Okay. Is that your non-dominant hand? No, that's your right hand. But I'm amadextrous. Are you? You're also bisexual. Yeah, right with my left hand. And I suck dick and eat pussy.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, now I want you to hold it out like this, right? So there's like a little tip like this. Another napkin, Bobby. Got it? so there's like a little tip like this I'm gonna have to buddy got it Okay, like just a little pinch like that. Okay, you got it. Okay now stuff the rest into your Hand like that leaving just a little bit And it's in your dominant hand right now my non-dominant hand. Oh Fuck I'm stupid. Well. I'm good magic dude. This is supposed to be my

Dominant good fucking magic dude. It's supposed to be my Put it in your dominant good fucking magic dude. Okay. Okay now Rolling it up direct start rolling it roll it roll it. Yeah, get it as tight as you can. It's tight tiny ball How small is yours? Let me see It's not this small Bigger minds really little That's bigger. Let's see yours compared to mine Big bowls, you know what try putting it back in your non-dominant hand that might be easier

Now go as tight as you can in that one What is happening? I don't know Joe just me. Oh my oh my god What you guys did a trick together dual small mind got you guys made do tricks mine got so small I put mine in the other realm. Oh You got you get the camera see that can the camera say yeah, are you guys watching? Yeah, I'm watching. Oh, I'm watching. Oh baby, I'm watching cool Whoa

It's pretty nuts. Whoa! Oh! Watch the last one. Whoa! Whoa! Lois! Lois! Lois!

Lois! Lois! That was a bad pass. That was good. You know the dog's voice. And he didn't even need a female assistant to help with his trick. I didn't need a lovely assistant at all. What?

Don't do that. What? You know I'm a male and I identify as a male. And whatever. There's only two genders, right? There's 16. They come in spicy medium. It's a roccia.

That was a good fucking trick. That was a great trick. I will say I felt a little disrespected from my compadre over here during my trick. I feel like you could have paid better attention. Well, he had to prepare for his first prep in mind. Well, that's just rude. We're supposed to be. We're dark artists together. Heart attacks? Heart attacks? My compadre over here during my trick. I feel like you could have paid better attention Well, that's just rude we're supposed to be we're dark artists together heart attack so hungry. I'm fucking jacked up on coffee I'm like Oh fuck

Really you're worried about it. Yeah, we have nodules. No, what do you have? What's the thing that makes you think you're pain pain pain pain pain? Do I have heart cancer? You have chest pains? I'm got some pain in my chest. You really do. No, you don't. What? You're not at all. What? I got chest pain. All the time. Me too. Scares me when I when I scares me a lot. I could be really scared. What are you doctors? You're very scared about my hot paw bones. Oh, we got a wrap. I want you to wrap it in 15 minutes With the Oz? I love, yeah, I would like for you to talk like that all the time. Yeah, Bobby, I'm scared. I like I'm sorry That's okay. Do you watch Lovin the Spectrum? I've watched clips and I love those men

I watch it. The one where he goes, I'm working at Kroger's per years per years. It fucking rules. It's a great show It fucking really rules. It's a great but the retard girl. Oh I think you can paint all of them with that brush if you want Bobby It's funny that even she has like usually scotland's people usually what God paints people They have standard She's I don't show me a clipper. I don't like it. I don't yeah I don't know Katie showed me a clipper was a girl who's a girl down syndrome a guy

And he's like the guy was like I think you're smart and you're funny, and I think you're beautiful What do you like about me and she goes? I was like dude, I'm getting the show dude. They just fucking it's sweet and it's hilarious. They're adorable Yeah, they're really great. They're really good people. I want season two me and my girl just binge watching Yeah, and it's a tough you look at each other like are we retort? Yeah, like absolutely. We literally have so much in common with them sometimes That's sweet. The name of the show should have been Love is Retarded. Did you get married? If we can...

What? What? Have an open relationship? Yeah, you guys gonna be swingers? No, I would consider one day, I mean, we've only been living together for like, I guess in April she moved in a year ago. You know my rule?

What? I think this is smart. Two full years, two of every holiday and first before you get engaged. We got engaged Christmas is two fucking Thanksgiving. That's what we did. You have do you have your own bank account? Yeah. Yeah Oh, do you have a we have a bank account? So you don't share a bank account with your wife? I don't I probably do you Married to my wife. We have a joint bank account. You already have a joint bank just for your joints. It's like a whole bank Hey, I hate you. I have a joint bank. That was the hardest thing. That's what I have We just opened it. It is weird because you get circuit and defensive where you go

How much did you put in? It'll be one of the some of the biggest fights we've ever gotten it was the beginning when we we shared money Oh, dude. Well, we both we, we have our own, but then we have a mutual one for rent. I can't, I would like to open up my own, but it would come to the house and she'd be like, what the fuck is this? Oh no, I have my own. We share my money. Damn. Yeah. But you don't have a bank account together. Yeah. No. No. Yeah. That's, that's a, that's a tough one. A joint bank account. But you don't even have to, I could just, I don't, we don't need to have a joint bank

account. I can just give her an ATM card with access to my bank account. Oh, don't, don't do that for around the house. Yeah. But don pays all the bills. She's just a stay at home mom. She doesn't make any money. So it's your bank account that she has access to. Well, it's hers. Yeah, I know, but it's not. Yeah. But you've got to be, but she's like Dan's girl is the breadwinner in the relationship She has to be on it, but she has to be on your goddamn right It's called fucking up See how much money she puts in no so oh wait to our mutual yeah

We put in the same amount for rent, but you know she has her own yeah, and I have my own right Yeah, and you don't see her bank account. I don't know my girl's bank account. I don't know. I don't see mine. She doesn't see mine. We just have a mutual one for rent and like bills and shit. Well, we have Madonna's a stay at home. We have married with a kid. You guys have been married for two fucking years. A little bit. We're getting married next year. Yeah. Yeah. We did that when we moved to New York though. When we got an apartment together. Yeah. That's what it is. When we got the apartment together. That's what you have. You know, we had to both be on the same thing

and then the same. It's also different because now, like everything is done with apps, you know what I'm saying? Dude, it's crazy. Cause I was doing it at old school for up until like a couple of months ago. And then Katie was like, there's an app and just do the automatic pay.

You don't have to do any. So, like for Ubers, like I pay for her Ubers. She says my card on her Uber. It's just not like, she doesn't need to have my bank, she doesn't have access to my bank account. Yeah, but my wife does. My wife has to be in charge of it. You have a child together.

Yeah, I mean, that's a different thing, but when you have a, you know, when you're living together, she's, but it's a hard thing to do. If the cable went off, I'd be like, what the fuck? But I don't know what to do anymore. Like I used to pay my own bills My own bank account. I don't do that shit anymore. So I'm kind of handy. She handicapped me in a way Because now she dies I'm kind of fucked dude. I have to resign on my credit card on all these different things

It's like do you guys know where she went? I don't even know man. I'm gonna have to repeat it. He's like, do you guys know where she went during the day? I don't even know, man. I don't know how stuff, she gives me a discover card and I've discovered no one takes it. That's what he was saying that he didn't have his own bank. Yeah, I don't know. I don't pay the bill.

I'm fucked. Like I'm gonna have to relearn. If she goes first, later in life, I'm gonna. Trust me, strong. There's absolutely no chance zero chance I'll make a bet with you right now that she goes first really killer. I don't kill her now because this is Premeditated natural natural death natural cause natural death, but I'm collecting on this fucking thing even if we're 90 I would be careful. I want that money that before if you don't die before I'm telling you right now

My grandma's on her way out like maybe this week and I'm down to your grandma. I'm telling you right now, my grandma's on her way out, like maybe this week. You comparing Don to your grandma? What's that? You comparing Don to your grandma? Yeah. They're the same age. But I got on the phone with her and she's like, you know, they're like, I'm about to put her in a hole.

Oh, where's this? But you're trying to get off the phone. Trying to stop it. Trying to get off. Well, no, that's where the bit goes. I'm trying to get off the phone with someone that it trying to get off. Well, no, it's where the bit goes I'm trying to get off the phone with someone that's dying and she's like And you go, okay? Well, I I love you and I'll talk to you Maybe tomorrow. It's like

Okay, prank phone makes me think of hope Okay, prank phone makes me think of Pope. Thank you. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh 41? We're five days apart. Yeah, geez. I really am 53 Oh damn. Oh, dog. It's gross. Oh 40s the new 20 She can dance Another time of your life I Can dance I'm just imagining Dan in studio 54 and rollerskates I'm telling you right now the blueushi didn't die because of a speedball. I'm sorry, who are you? Why are you making it up with people so tall?

I'm sitting down. Okay. Because they're mailboxes. I need you to leave. Yeah. I need you to go right. Like a male pussy. Did you?

I know you're going to go. We got a rap. He's not a doctor. He's got a nodule Did you, I know you got to go. We got to wrap. He's been in doctor's play. He's got a nodgel on his dead man. Relax, we're gonna go to her. Let's shut the fuck up about that. Why don't we shut the fuck up about that? He's got to go and get his-

Joe, why don't you shut, shut, shut, shut the fuck up about that. Isn't that crazy though, you could literally start dying today. I mean, yeah. Or it could have been weeks ago. You could have, I mean, technically you don't- There's a chance that- I don't think you start dying when they tell you.

There's a chance that I call Natalie and I go like, hey, can you delete the last 15 minutes because I got some bad news? Also, can we do a final episode? Staying bleeping out his cancer. I'm holding a bag on the next episode. Yeah, but we put that behind a paywall Yeah, I said oxygen and I'm holding a thing. I go anyways. It didn't go well. Yeah I would pay tree on my death for you guys. Thank you. Oh Yeah for the numbers. We're all gonna die that sucks. We're gonna die sooner than later And that's not I know for a fact I'm more than halfway to death. Yeah, who's gonna

I know you're gonna say me because I'm older, but who you think out of us boys? I don't know Joe and I have chest pain. It's also fatter. I'm not as fat as I used to be But I think that the damage is going to be. I would say now like different ways of death. Natural causes, I mean car accident can be any of us. Louis. Most likely Louis. No, Louis would get killed by another person. He's most likely to get killed by another person.

I would say you're most likely to die in your sleep out of all of us. And I would say Joe and I, sleep apnea is gone. My heart, my blood pressure is perfect. Everything I had when I was 350, all of it's gone. When did the sleep apnea leave? How many pounds? A hundred pounds. And then you just started sleeping through the night. Yeah.

And did you notice it immediately? Were you like, Oh shit. Yeah. I went to bed at 1130 last night woke up at like 6 30 like Feeling like refreshed. I can just go well before I used to wake up like fucking 100 times in yeah, I wake up a lot Yeah, I think you're you're gonna go first. All right. Well if I do I love you guys and this was a lot of fun. I Wake up. This is I think this is a good sign. I wake up with a rock hard bone Me too. Yeah, that's it and that's the canary in the coal mine if you're Hard as bad you can't stop working cuz dude I wake up fucking rock like I'm a My dick I wake up with like a teenage bone my dick is currently rock hard

Yeah, fucking just think about that cop car, huh? I'm gonna take it all back. I'm gonna die first Yeah, you know my dick my dick can't get hard really no kidding. Oh dude. I wake up sometimes. I go like who are you? Yeah every morning. I go, what am I late for class? I did have that a couple of times since I lost weight. I woke up with, I had sex dreams and woke up with a hard. I'm but dude, I'll wake up just with a bone and it's not even a sex. We go on adventures together. I'm like, what's up, buddy? You ready for the day? He's like, Oh, that's that's you. Ed you bit. And you bet. Damn, dude. That's the voice. That's the voice. Hi.

I'm Louis. Joe. You ever noticed that your dick is rock hard and I'm about to fuck? Look out world. Here I come. I'm Louis has been it. That's pretty good. Okay.

But tail doesn't say he does. And he does a pitch perfect. What Joe Mackey. Mateo. Oh yeah. He does. What doesn't he do well. He's unbelievable I've any nice nice. He was throw up five seconds in as soon as he smells like seriously though like can we sing together smells like a bad Cossia Pepe

like a bad kashi a pepe banging out your chicken Perfect ass. I love you guys. I hope I got a go. Hey, I read well We're gonna do average we do all this stuff listen make sure you go to all our websites Make sure you subscribe on the YouTube. I want you to leave a comment hit the reminder button and like and do us another Favor spread the fucking word of the podcast. It's the regs. We'll see you guys next time. I don't know when, but soon. In March, baby. In March.

We'll see you guys later. Take care.