Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Act Like A Pug

Episode Date: September 26, 2016

This week on YKWD: We have Matteo Lane, Justin Silver, Tim Dillon, Mehran Khagani, and Jay Nog! Not every guest is gay... but it sure feels that way! We talk about Matteo doing stand up on Seth Myers with his fly open, the awful pie Tim brought to Bobby's house, and the NYC Bomber (Chris Scopo).   RiotCast.com   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night. Con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Estás listo a Robert Kelly? ¿. It's not a catch, no rules. Look at the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it?

Can I get a mic? No! What the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, and he happens sometimes. It's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions.

I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin. That's how in a house does you love a father? You want to do anything, my podcast is popular enough. I might affect somebody's life. You never know. To Robert Kelly's, you know what to podcast on podcast.com. Uh-huh. Motherfucker. All right. fuck up We're back Don't don't don't we're back. Don't don't don't don't don't don't know what that was all right

We're back with another episode you know what dude. This is a fucking pack house So any of you fucking do this's too many guys on the show. I like interviews Shut the fuck up leave now go listen to another fucking show I don't interview people I have comics on and we talk about whatever and we have fun There's a lot of fucking dicks in this room tonight. Mm-hmm. Oh, of course Most of them sucked it. This is the gayest podcast we've ever done. This is the gay, and not even the gay guys here

don't make it the gayest. The fact that Justin's here just puts it over the edge. Great, thank you, Bobby. Just the gayest thing out. It's a broadcast, not a podcast tonight. It's good. Wow, listen, dude. Here's a deal. I was offended We talk anytime we usually the bomb bandanna. Yeah tonight. I want to do just every time you bomb you have to take off Piece of clothes. No, just fucking do it. Lauren. You want me to do it? If you want me to then that's a different story

Is that what tonight's gonna be about every time you see a woman you're like, I like breasts just to let you know, I mean, we got it. No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm very comfortable. Well, very comfortable around gay guys. You should take a look. I'm very comfortable around gay guys.

No, Lauren just very, she looks great. I love that you alpha-mailed him with gayness. I was just gonna be like, You just bitched him down with, I was gonna be about, I would never let a guy go. You said what he went. No, no, no I love gay guys too. I am What the fuck was that Mateo you much your motherfucker is that much of me? Yeah, you just bitched out the fucking dog whisper

I Appreciate it. It's very very hard to bitch out a guy who talks to beagles Very very tough, you know, how did you do that? He's very hard to bitch out a guy who talks to beagles. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ready? No, come on, slow. What the fuck, Scopo? Scopo, my speed, not yours. I did what you do. I did what you do. I asked, here's the thing though. If I say do this, you do that. You do what I fucking plug that fucking mic

and before I fucking your asshole. We do that. Wow. Wait, sorry. Yeah. That's not an asshole. That's right. We're the first date talk.

It really must be contagious. I'm going to tell you, I saw I was watching TV one night and there you come popping up on the screen. You were on a late night show. Yeah, Seth Meyers. Buddy, you fucking, you're not, I really was like, oh shit, I hope this doesn't go bad. Cause I'm gonna have to see you again and be like,

yeah, you did good stuff. You know, you fucking killed it. Oh, thanks. Killed it. Thanks. You look great. Did you little fucking thing, you little leg? My fly was open the whole time.

Was it really? Yeah, I did notice. I found out later. See, that means I'm heterosexual. Yeah, I Don't know what that means Nothing works and gig I staring you down That was a funny homophobic. You got the game off you in here. It's fucking scary Yeah, dude, it was unbelievable. I was really wait. We miss him at sight. Yeah, it was yeah, it was fun

It was great for you man I was really excited that you did you killed it because if you didn't I would have lied and I would have known too I would have been like I would have been like no that's fine when I talk about well I fucking bombed my first TV was Carson daily yeah Carson fucking daily you go in there's no warm up There's no warm up. It's just this cold crowd, and it's a young crowd because he's coming from MTV, I believe.

And it's just music. They're there to see whatever fucking alt, pumpkins and the skin doctors. And Carson is like, has the heat of a weak old BM. I mean, he's just like, ooh, you know. Oh, I'm sorry. No one is a genius. No one is a genius.

The most exciting magnetic personality ever to be on television. I mean, let's call it spade. It's spade here. No, it was your phrasing. That was so funny. Oh, was it? That was the phrasing, but then it was the backup singers. Well, I mean...

LAUGHTER Yeah. Yeah. Tate on Lane in the Shalala. I kind of... It was almost more like a save by the bell audience moment, you know, we're like, they kiss. Yeah. Well, here's the thing is, no, I look, I love Crossy.

Great guy. Really great guy in the business, but whatever, his show to do comedy, just fucking suck the big one. And I went out there, and I thought I could just muscle my way. And my comedy, once you take out swears, and I can't say this, I can't want you to take away me out of it. You know, I wasn't, I couldn't fucking do it. And I took a hot one, man.

Where did it go? They gave me a cordless mic, and I'm used to having the mic and doing little things like this. Like, I'll take the mic and kind of wiggle the cord out from, you know, on the ground. Like a ball? I was telling a joke, it would bomb. I would shake the mic. Like I was like a morocco. Like a morocco, Jesus.

I came back. My agent was back there, Maddie Frost, and he goes, what the fuck was wrong with your hand? Oh my God. Because I kept doing it and I told the story before we were at the seller and it aired but I was so thankful they didn't have the sound on. So everybody's kind of me and Steve Murner sitting there watching it and then all of a sudden the fucking close caption comes up and it said the first joke and then right after in parentheses light laughter.

Even the fucking CC guy was like, this guy stinks. Yeah. Where do they put you on in the show? First of all, they put you up, he comes out and does this fucking massive monologue. And then he, What is he talking about?

And then he doesn't do it anymore. But then he comes out and he did a fucking 20 minute interview With you know whoever the fuck whatever actor and it was dead serious About fucking oh very James Liptony and then the band is waiting to come out and then you they they just bring you out You ready and you go out to a cold order. They don't even know a comic's gonna be there. What year are we talking? Oh, 72. Oh, I don't know. I don't know.

What the fuck, uh. Curum's kid. 90s? No, probably 2006. Early, oh. I don't know. I'm just kidding. All right, I'm sorry.

I don't mean to fucking smash curum with honey. Oh, sorry for me of trying to be funny. I apologize. I apologize back. He's trying to get some laps of my to be funny. I apologize. I apologize back I'm trying to get so much hostility So much chemistry Well, it's good. All right. Every time I bang that the gay has to come down Oh good. Now we all gotta go. No, not yet. Not yet.

I'm glad you're back on, buddy. And of course we got who's next? Justin Silver. Oh, what's up everybody? We'll talk it. Well, I'm glad you're back on, buddy. And of course, we got who's next? Yeah, Justin Silver. Oh, what's up, everybody? We'll talk it. Did you just applaud him? With my wrists. I'm going to break this gav-a-day. I'm going to break it right off in Justin's asshole. It's good to have you back.

You're back from the Hollywood. Yeah, it's awesome to be back. You move back. Yeah, man. You're done. No, what you just you want to you want to come back and get into comedy and get you to get your shit together. Yeah, totally. I wanted to get back on stage. I missed the stage time. It's fucking, you know, after riding that whole wave with all the TV shit and then trying

to make this shit. Like you were talking about last week on the podcast. It's why I called you. I was like, oh, man, I was like, I was so identifying. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard. It's hard. all the TV shit and then trying to make this shit. Like you were talking about last week on the podcast and why I called you. I was like, oh man, I was like, I was so identifying. Yeah, it's hard fucking A meeting. It's hard, man.

When you're in New York guy or you're an L.A. person, so people can go to L.A. and just fucking thrive. I mean, personally, just be out there and get it. And then this people here just got to be here dude I would but personally like in terms of like the nature out there outdoorsy stuff Found a chick that I fell in love with got a house all that shit that shit was going great But it was it was the other stuff that I was like I miss getting on stage Yeah, I miss just like walking outside my door banging it bumping into people that like you know

Did you get a a lead plate put in your head? Not why why holding your fucking head up? Put your arms down, you fucking intimidate me with those gorgeous biases. That's not gonna happen, I'll be. God, you're a fucking in shape, cock sucker. Oh, my fucking. Just like a pit bull.

I appreciate it. Look, look, look, you took the compliment too. So, I mean, you're back for good, you're doing comedy, right? Yeah. I went out there back in the day when I told you I booked that pilot. Yeah, I was walking around like I was famous

while we were filming a pilot. I thought I was gonna get wrecked. I was between that and your Carson Daly appearance. You fucking killing it out there. Fucking douche at last. I just wanted to be famous man. I just wanted to have something. But it's such a fucking weird, because everybody's after the same thing out there, and everybody's nice, but it's sort of like that.

They're fully shit, and then it gets like, you miss the fucking real shit. It's all the cliche shit people say is fucking true. But I know people out there though that fucking have great friends, and have great time and great personal lives. They just, they get it. They love being in cars, they love being driving to places. They, you know, they get it. And comedy out there is thriving right now.

But not like here. Well, I think it is, man. I mean, look at the comedy store is selling out every fucking show. This seller sells out every show and there's many rooms. But when I was there, it out every show and there's as many rooms, but when I was do what I was there It was dead. Okay, fucking dead And now it's I mean the comedy's pretty fucking popping now out there, but I'm glad to have you back. I'm glad to be back Where you living in my place? I never gave it up in Chelsea. Oh really? Yeah, perfect perfect

We got of course who's next TD Thank you Bobby. Thanks for having me back. I well look Tim. I appreciate it We got of course who's next? 10 dill in there. TD. Thank you Bobby, thanks for having me back. Well, look, Tim. I appreciate it. I'm a favorite, right? Wouldn't you say that?

Mine? Yeah, personally. You're one of my personal favorites. Great. You know that. And I brought a lot of opportunities to you. What? You peer on my podcast on gas digital.

Yeah, I even got. It's huge opportunity. It's a very big opportunity. I got you approved by our CEO, Lewis J. very big opportunity. I got you approved by our CEO Lewis Jay Gomez. Yes, I got you approved. I pitched you. Yeah, great. And so I mean, you know, where I get to get to fucking go to the studios, I get to go to an apartment. It is in someone's home. Yeah, it isn't a bathtub, but the acoustics are great. And what we try to do is make the gas feel comfortable. Are you sitting on the toilet while you're doing your podcast

The fucking owner of the apartment's fucking searching Netflix I think it's Craigslist but whatever we agreed to disagree. Well, it's no. It's good to be I appreciate it Well, you know you call me up you text me. I text you. I would fucking bugs me. You don't like that I don't why would you why would I like it I do, because I feel like you're a busy guy, and I feel like me texting is respectful. I'm fucking, I'm definitely a busy guy. That's what I figured, so I'm like, let me text, no, I'm not.

I'm a fucking human being that likes connections with the people that I care about, I like it my life. And you send me a text, I gotta read. What is this, you like to do, what is it, 18, 20, want to write letters to each other? Right, right. You have a fucking device, we could video chat. I know. You could literally fucking see me.

Push the button, and we could talk. I know. What's up? What are you doing? Nothing. And it's like, right, we're here. Okay, well the next time this will be the video chat. You use fucking 12 point hell, Vettica. Yeah, yeah. No, I... Times the road.

I love Times the road. What the fuck? 12 point health vetica yeah yeah Times I'm zero what the fuck I applaud you I apologize and then I called you and you never called me back. I did not call you back That is rude. That's rude. That is rude. I didn't realize that you called I declined the call by mistake Did you really? Yeah, I don't know what I was doing. Did you did you see it? I did not see it and go I'm not gonna talk to about that you get. Now that's that is when you get loud. I think that's the right that you're smiling like like

I can't see right now. I mean you look like you're not the phrasing is you're not believe you're siding with a breeder and the thing is you know I apologize you know, uh, but it's an epi- I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. You know, I apologize.

You're from 94. Yeah. I apologize. Next time I'll do it, you know, better. Listen, I'd love to come to you podcast. Please, thank you. I agree with that.

Let me take that back. I would do you podcast. Thank you very much. I don't know if I love it. I don't know if you're going to love it, but it'll be fun. What is the podcast? It's cool.

Tindallans going to hell. We've got a lot of people listening to it. It's great. We've only had client episodes. We've got tons of downloads. Buddy, buddy, buddy. I know how, I know, I brought podcasting to these coasts. I know. I think Porveris he did, but I'll be respectful

and say that you did. I think Porveris has been doing a podcast for 30 years. He can just now record it. But, I'm just saying. What is it? Porveris he just loves talking about podcasts. Every time I'm But, he's talking about podcast. No, I just think. What do you say? I don't know. He just loves talking about podcast.

Every time I'm with him, he talks about podcast. I've been podcasting since 1974, and I've been able to record it for the last about five years, but I've been doing it. My son at a party, it was a podcast party. I told all the kids, do your podcast. So, I'm so grateful. But it's a good, it's a good party. I told all the kids do your podcast. So it's a good, it's a good version, but I appreciate you have me. We'll love to get you on the show. I don't know. It's a fuck that was. It's amazing. Alright, listen, I know. You dropped the

Lewis. I do it. I'm killing it. We're getting down modes. Shed the CEO. And I in impact Someone calling Lewis a CEO, just rubs my nuts the wrong way. Wow. Yeah. Why? He's a hustler. He's a hustler.

He's smart guy. He's good dude. The CEO. I will say, when I was in Paris two weeks ago, I was walking down the street and someone kept, like, almost like, running up to me. And I was like, what? And then he goes, are you mit-hailant?

I say, yeah, I, from, uh, uh, um, skink, allegiance to skanks. Oh my god. And I was like, what? And then he goes, are you mit-t-halena? I say, yeah, I say, I, from, uh, skink, allegiance to skanks. Oh my god. And I was like, yes, what? They're like, tell Lewis and Big J. I said, I was like, oh, god. You don't think they have a huge following in Paris. I know.

What are you saying, Keith? That would be. This is the fucking shit that he does, though. Yeah. It's one guy, and now it's a huge following. Right. It's one fucking guy. That's a good point. There's the internet one fucking guy. That's a good point.

There's the internet. There's a bunch of lonely fucks. You might get one person in each country. Right, right, right. It's fucking state. It's the one person. And you ran into the one person in France. Hey guys, if you get one person in each fucking country,

it's not a lot of people. Right. You got one fucking asshole with a striped shirt and France walking up to the tail. I love all of you, Monsieur. Yeah. I like your pessimism about it on one your side with this. Thank you I just don't like it's a fucking ton of fans. Yes stop whipping up the fight. This is what your network does they lie Lion we're growing and we're very proud of a growing growing growing growing is a lot of growth There's 12% growth. I'm alright. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, for said Jesus Christ. You keep talking

We got to be edgy shut up Got a brand ourselves You're gonna go to hell dude. You can't go to heaven Tim. It's a great name. I'm sorry. All right What do you get at first time on the pockets? What happening at throat? You're just in a first timer You fucking a jizz in your mouth Got I can't say oh you fucker. Mayeron can you go about the defend them honey Miran Kagani you may or not that was close enough. I appreciate it. Mayeron

Kagani Kagani. Yeah, may run. Mayeron, how are you doing, though? I'm doing great. How are you doing? We met last week. Sure did. Comedy knockout. We cannot reveal. Oh.

What the fuck? We were not posed against each other. No, we were in the dressing room. We shared a dressing room for a minute. Right. Love it when I showed you. I came in and... Nothing.

We fucking made love before Comedy knockout. Yeah. He knocked it out. He knocked it out. What? I'm barely gay. I know, right? Seriously, I could suck the sap out of that.

You believe you mean? I can resuscitate dead wood. Jon? Jon? Now you're straight. Nucity dead wood Jokes now you're straight hmm What's he out Love it. Yeah, why why why what about what about my straightness?

So threatening Singer words Threatening hey, I I would love to love to be gay to be able to talk like that. You can. Yeah, but I can't. I got a wife and a kid. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. But you could phone it in don't think you're gay you would you just feel like in one of those old mobsters that might be gay

You're gay. I think I know I know people think I'm gay but very few people do I don't I don't tell their hurt her Me and he's like oh, I thought you said was funny and then it goes what kind of girls you like so like clearly Yeah, you listen he was bringing up jokes I said like he listen, but like there was just something that physically look like a fucking drunk Kennedy. I appreciate it. Well, I mean, I think I would probably say well compared to Mateo. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

And my friend, Marron, sorry, I love you. Yeah, what's your name? Mayeron. Mayeron. I do this. I don't care. But it's going to get me moments.

We all have our moments. I think I have moments for people. Of course, I'm gay or? What now have you, the can I ask you a question? Yeah. When you're not around, when you're around other gay guys at a gay party or gay club. Maybe I'm gay, yeah, I don't mean to. Do you ever get, do you ever put it on a little bit? I don't think I put it on, but maybe I'm just gay.

Like when I'm with Mattel, people have noticed that I am gay or what I'm with Mattel. Like what does he do that's gay or? I'm just very happy. I'm just going, I just go, what does he do? Yeah, I'm gonna get it right now. I'm gonna get it right now. I'm gonna get it right now. You see, I'm gonna get it right now. I'm gonna get it right now.

You're like a kid in a candy store right now, Bob. This is fantastic. It's a game of permissions. You're allowed to be a little more flamboyant and expressive. Of course. When you're around people, you're... I won't know. I'm gonna stop Bob.

Stop Bob. Yes, yes. It's a clap with your wrists. Remember, We have Jay nog in the show first time as well Jay. What's up buddy? What's going on? Dude? Not gay not gay at all. I don't know Jesus Yes, you have fucking kids softball coach written all over you. You're a man's man five o'clock shadow Nice hair fucking staring me down no blinks Nice hair, fucking staring me down, no blinks. I didn't know kids softball coaches were the manliest of men. I actually just know something, which is crazy that you picked up on that.

I had fucked up on softball. You know what they're going to say? I'm talking about football coach. I was going to say soccer. Hey, where are you from, buddy? Born and Brooklyn, raised in Long Island. Oh, no shit. And you're a Jewish?

Yep, Jew. Jew? And yeah, I picked it up. Not a Italian Jewish. Yep, right, which is very close It's close it is man. Hell yeah, yeah, very close very close. You know, I'm not financially Statistically, it's not close at all I might be Italian Asking Italian person what a 401k is. And they stare at you, it's not that close.

That is so funny. It's true. What is your family? What is your father? Dad's a doctor. Dad's a doctor. What's your mom do? Stay at home?

She used to work at like some retail and stuff like that. And you've been doing comedy how long? 12 years. And you guys have a podcast together. No, we have a show. A TV show. No, a live show that's on serious right now. What is it called?

Paid or pain. It starts airing in October. What the fuck is it about? Comedians perform and then the audience votes for them to get paid for their set or tortured by a dominatrix. It's the fucking greatest thing in the entire world, Bobby! Oh, that's a whole world. Imagine, there's like a new, like a sort of green comment.

What is your ring change color? It's not sort of mood-wrecked. How do you feel about it? When it's extra gay and bright so. I do, it's like ET. What? When I think or someone, my fingers. But so, my point is this, we do a show where like young,

fledgling comics come out and they like their form, right? They're babies, these puppies, chicks. And they come out and they do their best and then the audience votes whether they should get money or they should get the shit kicked out of them by a woman named Lady Zombie. Right. Now what does she do to them? She, whatever the way.

Well, we had a literature, we had a electrocution last torture. This thing called a violet wand, and it has like a electro shocks come out of it. And she was electrocuting some comic. And if they're sweating, it's too much. Girls are boys. We've had both, yeah. Girls get electrocuted too.

Have to be girls. Yeah, I mean. Okay, now here's my question, because I've done this with comedy, a hired profession. No, I don't like it. I don't like it. I get very angry back. Good for you. And I get very, I, a higher profession. No, I don't, I don't like being, I don't like it. I get very angry back.

Good for you. And I get very, I'm a, I'm a, I just, take back the nightbub. I just like being dominant. I tried it. I try, I let a girl do it. And she got a little fucking carried away. And then I tied her up for a couple hours and went,

I get upset too. Yeah, I, I, I get on a lie. I just don't like being beat, maybe because I was hit, abused as a kid. When someone hits me, I just instinctually want to beat the fuck out of them. And I remember she punched me. Slap me and then scratched my face.

You just had a flashback. No, I just, I was like. Was that your dad's hat? No. My dad was gay. My son's head. Oh, that's right. I remember you saying that.

I don't like it. You like being dominated? Like in theory, I do. But then as soon as I'm doing it, I'm like, I don't respect you at all. Do you know what I mean? I would love to be submissive and choke on cock. But as soon as I'm there, I'm like, oh, but you like, I'm smarter than you. Yeah, really?

Do you know what I, yeah. That's how it feels. What about you? No, I feel the same way. I mean, I don't want to be like, you know, I'm even, there's like, feels. Yeah, what about you? Yeah. No, I feel the same way. I mean, I don't want to be like, you know, I mean, there's like, I am now on all this gross stuff. Where it's like, people are like in boxes and tortured and like, they're like, they're master and there's chains

and they're pissing and stuff. But, you know, every summer, once I was like, I'll spit on you. And like, even then, like, in the moment, I'm like, this is embarrassing for the both of us. Like, really, really, you're gonna spit on me. What does the guy's really, like, if he's in Mensa, then would you choke on his content?

Then it's, what's he in Mensa? would you choke on his content then what's the men's Men's He's immense Well, no, no, it's a it's a genius. You say a man So I'm super nice. I can't Amen. Oh, I see I say I say but I also benefit a man So I gotta be men's house. I know but what I'm saying though is you always dominant? No, I I in general like as much as we can take those roles

out of the shit, I think it's for the best. It's just like, just make my dick feel good. And I'll make your dick feel good, and then we'll low five, like the end of a girl's softball game where it's a good game, good game, good game. And that's it. And then everybody goes home, and nobody has to feel dominant or submissive.

I've been bottoming a lot lately. I'm not taking it as a can. I'm like, lot. Bottoming in your career. For me, very good. What do you mean? Like Like taking a putting a dick at my butt like I was in bars with his Brazilian for all week Is I bottom for him and then I had sex again the week after I bottom like Bottoming a lot It's white Brazilian who said a huge

You say bottomed in him to a great cock not a huge cock I had one cock that was so big, it was like actually, like I pulled down his pants and I looked at him and I was like, really? Are you joking? That's gotta be painful. That's gotta be a size requirement, right? I mean, you just say.

Sure, yeah, giant doesn't feel good for any of you. I'm a giant. But you gotta know, you gotta have like, you gotta have like an eyeball, like eyeball a cock and go, that's not gonna fit. Right? Yes, yeah. Uh-huh.

So what do you do? You do? You do, you know? Well, there was that. Uh-huh. Yeah, but you're fine. So what do you do? You do, you mean? Well, there was that young. You're not a bottom, right? Not really. I mean, it all depends. I just can't picture you being a bottom.

And if I ever see it, I'm not gonna ever see it. It might be number one. Number one, number one. You will see it. That's number one. Remember, I asked you if I could go to the lake house, fucking a million times. What do you think it's for? What do you think it's for?

I'm gonna go for that's it that's your podcast being a bottom. Lewis go most take it. Lewis got a fuck me on the air anyway, which he would do if we could get sponsors. Um, so, this is the borrow. Yeah. Astro glide bro. Astro glide. Dude, I'm gonna fuck you, but it's not case. I don't think you'd even say that. He just be like, we're gonna give him a show. We're gonna mention the sponsor's name in the beginning

and after we fuck. It's a real ass fuck dude. Yeah, it's a real ass fuck. No, I don't know. Like, I mean, it really depends. It's not like, I don't think it's set in stone for anybody. Tim, you know, for some people it's definitely set in stone.

Yeah, some people it's set in stone. Hey, I mean, you've done gay shit, Justin. For sure., you were there. No, no, for some people it's definitely sentenced. Yeah, some people it's sentenced on. Hey, you, I mean, you've done gay shit Justin. For sure. Have you? Yes. Yes. I'm answering your question, I know the answer.

I'm answering your question, honestly. Yes. The only gay shit I've done is like funny. He blew a husky. He blew a husky. She's a cry. Hey, let Tony Danza talk. I'm answering it honestly. I says a mansoloin in it. Blue is it. She's not crying. Hey, let Tony Danza talk. All right.

I'm answering it honestly. I says I'm answering it. I have no hang ups about like, someone like a dude touching my dick or anything like that. Like, in that event. No, no, no, no, no, no. If it like, you guys were being funny, and it being funny,

because I have no homophobia, but I have no, I have no gay. Yeah, guys don't have homophobia yeah well I got a lot so we have four gay's in podcast what I really hear let me just I'm not homophobic because I you know I joke around that I am but I'm not homophobic you're not at all no oh come on I mean I think everybody sometimes if I see a gay person I don't like,

I become homophobic. What do you mean? What does that mean? If I see a gay person I don't like, I become homophobic. Why would you not like them? As a person, no. I just don't like them.

You see a gay person you don't like them, and you just go, ugh. So you can see a homophobic. But that's not a homophobic. You'd be like that, faggot. Jesus. Yeah, that's what you would say, but I can say I'm allowed to say, but like, you know,

is that your end word? No self-loathing here. No, but... Yeah, I mean, I will use it if I don't like a gay person, I will use their gayness against them. He talks like a fucking cartoon now. I'm like that, I'm like that, I'm like that, I would choose. He's like, I'm like that, I think you Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Spectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan.

¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Cuando juíes son muy fuentes, juíes. Yo creo que es muy fuente. Yo creo que es juíes. Yo creo que es juíes.

Cuando yo me bloqueo. Sometimes, yo creo que... Sometimes, yo creo que... Sometimes, yo creo que es... Sometimes, yo creo que es... Sometimes, yo creo que es... Sometimes, yo creo que es... Sometimes, yo creo que es...

Sometimes, yo creo que es... Sometimes, yo creo que es... Sometimes, yo creo que es... Sometimes, yo creo que es... Sometimes, yo creo que es... Sometimes, yo creo que es... Sometimes, yo creo que es... Sometimes, yo creo que es... I get like that with Italian sometimes like there's a lot of you to tell you like yeah like yeah Well, this one guy said this to me. He's like you talk Italian So I thought he meant do I speak it so I do so I was like Cheater to Kepparo go see and he goes no no I'm talking a shit. I'm talking Brooklyn Italian I was like I don't know what that means. So I hate those type of Italian people

I can I tell you I would have fucking piece of Spine the shit I am. Which, yes. I got Burlitz tapes. Is that it? Burlitz, right? Yeah. The language.

And I got for a tank, because I wanted to speak a tank, because my dream was to learn Italian on these tapes and then bring my chick, my wife back then, before we had the kid to Italy for a week. And I just bring, you know, no, a tank. Just you can order in restaurants, a week. And I just, you know, know a time. Just you can order in restaurants, sir. Well, I don't know, just to know a little, a little, you know, here and there. Bob, they never knew the side of you.

So you remember any of your talents? Well, here's the thing is I put it on random on my iPad, on my iPod, and it would come up every once in a while. You know, you know, when on the old day, you know, and I just would like, when on the old day, and then it would go away, and then another one would come up every once in a while. You know, you know, Bueno note day, you know, and I just would like, Bueno note day. And then it would go away and then another one would come up and we would, so I learned Non Paletano Motobene.

And as the only one I know, is that a speech? Excuse, excuse me. Excuse, excuse, Bueno note, Buenos Aires. And then, so I, that's all I learned was Non Paletano Motobene, which means I speak very little Italian. There's no Parlo Motobene in Italian, no? Right, okay. I learned was non-palettano motobene, which means I speak very little Italian. There's no un parlo motobene in Italian, huh?

Right, okay. I learned that I'm coming down the street one day, a guy, a Italian guy in a car. He goes, you speak Italian, he's a Italian guy. We're out of the fucking boat. And I went, non-palettano motobene. Say one of the six phrases I can get, you know? I get geek, he went, oh no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Yeah, it's my favorite. Yeah Italian is my favorite fuck what name a better language?

I don't know I probably Italian French but people don't like that other French French French stinks. What about Gaelic? Gaelic? The Irish language poke my hun nuts Yeah, and it's next something about the Goves that's cool. How about Hebrew Hebrew so romantic? Yeah, Hebrew. Yeah Ah, so you fucking get into the hack one What about latin what about latin?

Latin is a dead language and it's basically Italian What about Sanskrit Tim? Yes, I like Sanskrit. Take your shirt off. There it is. Come on. I'm gonna get rid of the bombs before that. Alright, let's cut the nipple like let's make nipple holes.

We uh... Right, you know what? Let's take the hole shirt off. Fuck, is that my house a couple weeks ago. We have a barbecue He's oh he take we're all at the pool. We're all fucking fat. I mean we're just fat Tim takes a shirt off Speak for yourself, dude. You're on nightmare under that Fuck yourself I took my shirt off somebody didn't take a shirt off

Take it off because I was Apparently a maddened I didn't take a shower off the sun. I was taking off because I was fucking teasing you. I apparently amatted. Right. You didn't take a shower off. You were a cosy melanoma and skin cancer. A lot of trees around that pool. Right. I had no sun that day, but going.

First of all, I didn't take it off for two reasons. Yes. Ready? I'm a virus of my torso. Okay. Number one, no. Number two, I had a bunch of ketchup. I wanted to get off on the pool All right, you wear a black t-shirt by my fat fucking trick and then tell me fucking spill

Barbecue shit on your shirt jumping the water or the pool, right and it comes right out. Okay, that's fair That's fair. It's a washer dryer in there. Yeah, I got a washer drown the house But the pool does it fucking immediately Immediately But anyway, Justin yeah, he was I mean look look is easy I'm out of time for going topless even this even fucking Lewis was awful right now to be us right almost there That's true I agree I agree I'm gonna say a melted candle Now he's trying to get a sponsorship from Yankee candle.

Hey, do you work out? I get. Oh, he talked about it. I don't remember. Buddy, let me tell you. Let me tell you how it was. This fucking guy took a shirt off and sat by the pool like a like a like a model. And we're all like and we hated you.

Yeah, we fucking I wasn't trying. You're in as good same shape as I am. What do you talk to me? Well, I wasn't there. I'm just curious. What I'm saying, you're like, do you work out at like, you know trying you're in as good same shape as I am. What do you talk to me? Wasn't there I'm just curious I'm saying you're like do you work out it like you know you're in the same shape as I am you're I'm better you're better shape than I'm what is this fight you're having I'm having a fight. Oh fuck it take it I'm deflecting a little bit don't deflect I get uncomfortable you shredded. All right, you know you shred it I appreciate it. You know you shred it. Thank you

Thank you Work out regimen say I'm a exact worker man you yeah Appreciate it. You know you shred it. Thank you. Thank you. You have to say work out regiment say Work out right man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you wake up put your socks on I brought a pie to your house. I was I'm gonna take a pie from the little pie company which your wife like is you lived in the area and I was I like you a lot. She liked you a lot because I'm a class act. No, she liked you a lot, but here's the thing Here's the thing nobody liked the peach pie. Yeah, listen It wasn't buddy. It wasn't good. What the fuck brings a piece. Dude, it's a seasonal fucking. I like the peach pie

It's a seasonal pie. You know what? It was not great. I learned my lesson. I can't lose with Apple Listen, you know fucking first of all fuck you and your peach pies. No, I love peach. No, you don't yes, I do No, you don't yes, I do no you don't Nobody did listen you have a fucking table of desserts that's a very heterosexual Are you referring to us right now? Yeah, listen peach pie is not it's not that I was trying to bring soul I Know at Blue Stove and Brooklyn they make peach pie and it's a made it's like peach cobbler. It's very black. I was trying to bring soul. I know at Blue Stove and Brooklyn they make peach pie and it's a made it's like peach cobbler It's great I tried I'll fucking take

I thought he had a bit it was just a bad pie. What's the difference with peach pie and cobbler? It's cobbler. Come on. Come on. I have questions. I don't know. It's different. Really? I don't know what's different. I, come on, you know, the crush the sticker shirt. Yeah, take it off. I just take it off. You said I'm a bit what's wrong with I mean, it's they can't hear you just take it off. You did. I don't feel like taking my shirt over. The one man and do it for the show.

Come on. I'm asking you. You want me to take my shirt off the set as a friend. What if he did it and there was a swastik tattoo on his jacket that he just got and he's embarrassed about. That's where I'm thinking of that. Because it didn't come out right. He lost a bet to Lewis.

Lewis is like, I don't want to be the only one. All right. I want someone out. You take yours off. I'll take mine off. There you go. I'm the host. I need this. Why do we all want a shirt off? Anyway, I don't know. I don't know. Why do you need find I'm the host. I need to why we all want to shirt off anyway. I don't know. I don't know why do you need

to change the scene like they're sure off that being said I take my shirt off at any chance I can get today. Today. Today. I say we judge who's better. I'm sure Mateo's better. Wow. You just give up like that. I I'm sure you think he's better. I don't think so. This is a no offense. No a fucking fence. I think you're in shape. There's no I think Justin's a little a little tighter than you. Now right now. I think so. I like your mom. You have my mom loves you. I knew I was coming on. She said you pictures kissing my mom on the mouth. His mom giving me the finger. I'm listening. Well, my mother. My mother. My mother goes to the upfront. She sees Bobby up. She loves you. Yeah.

Yeah, she's calling her the app. She's calling right now. Oh, yeah. Easy. Um, his mom comes asking me. His mom's hot, though. Okay. She's working the business. I got what she's doing She's in the up front what she doing. She wants to do something like you some What do you care though? I'm just curious maybe get a car We'll make sure What's wrong? I heard a fucking enough's happening for you. You enough going on thanks to Lewis What is he that do? I'm your maker. I can't wait.

I can't wait to like calls in that card too. Dummy's have to, when his manager goes, you get away from Lewis Gomez and gas to his you. And he's going to, he'll fucking dumb Lewis. He ever ready to say. Oh yeah. I'm trying to go. Oh, they did.

They did. Six months. You get that hot. Listen, you got to get a play. Tim Dillon, you're my creation. I am only responsible for what I say. That's the thing. And your boss has earned the N word every other fucking thing.

You're done. He's somebody I work with. I don't know if he's my boss. He's a... I hope you get your own show and network. Yeah. And they give you a nice phone call. Listen. We just heard you're on Legion of Skanks and we did some back on this gas digital.

Well, first of all, it means they're a subscriber because it would be behind the paywall. To get the premium content, Bobby, you have to subscribe. It's $6 a month to get the whole network. Thank you. Say what I tell you to say on Bobby's podcast. You really have just a home-fired. That's podcast. You really I just I'm I'm digital

That's horrible. I can't believe it. How many people have you done it to I feel like I've only done it to two you and fucking Uh, Geno Bisconte okay Company I've never he's never been on again that fucking yapping fucking mule and quim Whim anyways That fucking yapping fucking mule and quam Oh, damn, anyways. Um, uh, Oh, God. What a fucking week this is.

My show's canceled. What do you mean? The sex and drugs go canceled. What happened? Oh, no, I'm sorry. Yeah, I got canceled. I didn't get ratings. People didn't watch it.

Sorry. And that's why I, the reason why I bring it up is because you talked about your mom and when she was at the upfronts and I wanted to make out with your mom. Sorry. And that's why I, the reason why I bring it up is because you talked to your mom and she was at the upfronts and I wanted to make out what your mom. You did make out what my mom, I didn't make out what her. I did a little smooch in the mouth. I kissed her, your mom is, she's a pretty woman.

You should've been asking me your mom. I'm, I don't think I have a big deal. Bob, what? Would you, but honestly, my mom sees you, would you bang my mom? I mean, if you weren't married, I'm curious. I'll tell you what. You were married.

Buddy, you don't have to fucking give me any, but I don't need your phone. Okay, okay. You understand what I'm saying? I don't need all that. I'm a fucking weirdo. I got it. Yes.

Really? Buddy, I would fuck your mom, take pictures, while I was fucking her, and send them to you. Which, I mean, like, dude, I love you. And I love where you're a seed, you came from there. I'd point to her, but you were in there, and I wouldn't do that. Of course, I would have sex with you, mom.

Absolutely, yes. Wow. I would, yes. Your mom was, you know, and I'm kind of into that. I've always been into older women, man. Me too, mom. Always been into older women, but now she's not even, but you gotta see that I'm at 45.

So there's an age. There's an age where you kind of just level off So now you got to fuck my grandma base now you know you're mom and me are at the same thing right now You're not 45 65 65 yeah, but she's a good 65 years of good 65. Oh, yeah. I don't fun with your mom all right Bobby, so what you asked me I asked and I said fun like we go to like you know like music festivals and We do you know, yeah, we go to music festival. We get in a hot air balloon. Yeah, we get here hot air balloon I read to pop up trailer. We go to the hamster for the fall and then we fuck so much in pop up trailer You take it Italy and show you fucking Italian. Ah, I was fucking... And I'm a model, you know, so many. Did you say he was gonna get a trailer?

You think you're gonna Italy? You think that's the next fucking thing? You think I'm gonna fuck your mother in a trailer? I'm not learning any language for her. You're gonna do a close-up. Go on a new hamster, go on a field. The closer she's get is all of the tree. It was pretty bad for her.

Nah, I love you, mom. She's a sweetie. But there is something there. When, you know, there were, you ever feel a little something something when you you know with somebody and you give me a little you joking around But then there's a little extra something we like yeah, you know my mother my mother has been my mother hasn't had a boyfriend in a long time But she should and she she absolutely shook because he's a yeah attractive woman. Yeah a lot cool stuff going on Fun check, you know, it was a fucking tend to feel your mom relax. Yeah, your mom doesn't have problem in dudes, does she? She just doesn't.

Well, you have a girlfriend right now. I don't right now, we broke up. You broke up, why'd you break up? I was living with her in LA. Kinda... She got fat? No, she didn't get fat. I would care about that, I like chicks curvy,

I don't care about that. Coal curvy? He said fat, not curvy. I mean't care about that. I mean I like chicks I like chicks was a little bit of yeah a little bit not too much. You don't want to be like it's fucking on upside down She was tall she was five times she's tall and she was a great day and then she Trains Catch a frisky. It's great.

Things weren't working out. Things just weren't working out. Who's that real? Yeah. I got a chance. What's your guy? What did you say? That's such a guy, I think, to say.

What? It wasn't working out. It wasn't working out. That means you did something. I didn't do anything. Honestly, no. I didn't. I'm not like that.

I didn't cheat on. I was great there. It just wasn't working out. It just like tonight you're back here. You're off. Yeah, I don't Hitting don't get mad at you. He's getting almost hit me That was my arm around you. I put my arm around you. You are a little defensive. I'm teasing am I being defensive? Yeah, you you I got to loosen up. You haven't got you in New York back. That's you have you know what it is sensitive I like that. I think he's soft for me up a little bit. I can't hear you what it's off of me up You write about that. It's off of me up a little. How are you have you been here your own License it is Massachusetts. We're Massachusetts just Boston itself. I you really I grew up in Medford there it is

Yeah, yeah, I grew up in Medford there it is yeah, yeah, I grew up in Lexington Cambridge had my my favorite massage Polly ever the old English health club. Yeah Oh, that sounds real He old back the club. I mean what did it was in a hand? He old back the whole English health club. That's a very Suspense. I took birth there They didn't want to go it was way back in the day. Uh the day. I remember he was he I was in Boston He was going back to New York where he first moved there. I remember he had this big, you know, burry had this fucking Big army set bag was just that you know fucking long round

Duffel bag the army guys had he had that he he brought it into this massage Poly because he was taking a bus back to New York and He brought it into this massage pot because he was taking a bus back to New York. And yeah, it was, when you went down there, you go down and you get a receipt, okay? And with your name on it, and when you see the girl you like, you run up to her and give her the receipt. But there was only a couple that was like blond, brunettes, black, Spanish. It wasn't like now where... Like import chicks.

Well, no, they were regular bronze from like wherever like chicken meat and revere You know, but back then there was no internet so to be safe about it You would work at these massage parlors, right and There was like a madam. It was a warehouse. It's a madam, but they do everything or just a massage. They do anything you want Oh, wow. I saw a girl walking by with a strap on to go to a room next to me Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, some old guy the lady was telling me to get you like to saw a girl walking by with a strap on to go to a room next to me. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah. Some old guy. The lady was telling me, he's like, you're like, the fuck in the butt a lot. It comes in a lot. He should be on this podcast. She goes, she goes, listen, listen, listen. She goes, listen, listen, listen. And we

stop here. And the room next. We were fucking dying. Yeah, but they'll blow your sock if whatever you whatever you negotiated How much in you old English Old wenches how many gold pieces for a suck Over when I People are biting coins before they give it Let me get it. I, uh, people are biting coins before they give it to me. I used to just like when I went to a house, I used to like just the build up.

I actually like the pretending that I didn't know what was going on. And the build up and then the fucking, they getting your butt crack and kind of go down and hit you, you're not, you're not here on the back of your seam. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know. And then they kind of grab your dick and kind of pull it from behind and you'd be like, ah, and then they go roll over and you're like, what's going on? I'd fake it all the way. I don't know.

So you did so you can get out of paying for it? No, I just like the fan of the fan. It's like straight acting gay guys. It's the same fan. It's like straight acting gay guys. It's the same thing. It's like it's the whole premise. They don't read gay and then like, oh, are we touching each other's dicks? I feel like the Tim Dylan isn't that kind of fucking- I'm done with that. What do I do?

I'm done with that. I'm done with that. I'm done with that. What do we do? I'm done with that. I'm done with that. What do we do? I'm done with that. What do we do? I'm done with that. Oh, what is this thing called gay for pay and they'll take like straight guys and then the first like they put them together Like all the women's not here, but you guys are here and then the first thing the guy says he's like I've never done anything like You know, oh wow

We get and then minutes later just Riding I mean, it's like yeah, I tell you I would love for I would love to be able to just be this for a day I would fun going on I I don't know if I'd be able to stop. I'd be like, I can yell at Scobo and it'd be fun. You're such a fucking bonehead. And then, you know, will Gaze, will yell all the time at girls, you're such a bitch. You're the worst.

I don't know, the guy's of the gay gets away. You get away with saying more. a certain amount of abusing women I Can't trouble my boys. I mean like Conscious like whoa You can't be straight acting and then call someone to do you can I do do really do that with guys you pretend that you're straight And you don't know what the fuck's going on. Stop, we don't pretend, we don't pretend.

I don't realize. Don't get offended, really. I'm not gonna get offended. I'm just saying I don't pretend off your hip. What is your grind or profile thing? Discrete? It says masculine. No, that it's a picture of me on Fox News.

Yeah. It is a picture of me on Fox. And it says masculine. I want another guy, like, and I want another self-hating gay dude What kind of guys do you like I think well? The ones that don't like me you know like do you want the cross-player back like Satan but like that time again But they don't want me they want six packs what they want you so that's fine

So what I get is I get like weirdly young A feminine guys who want like who probably were molested by an uncle and I would remind them of the uncle twinks. That's a bad thing. Like twinks like. So what did you say? Wait, Tim, what time do you think the guy who had a big dog or whatever?

You're like one guy, one kid showed me a picture of his new foundlin that recently died. So I was not kid, but he was like 24. I was like, oh, well, this will work. Because he just wanted a new found, and like he wanted just a big furry thing that was gonna live at least through the night. You're like, Mr. Fennel is that. But I get guys who are not really feminine, but they're not super masculine. They're like New York City guy,

skinny, weird, no personality. Are you a bear? Yeah, I guess so. You're a bear. So, Tim, can I ask you a question? Yeah, absolutely guess so yeah Do you want to do do you want a boyfriend? Oh right now. I don't really want a very woman I would marry a woman What would you I would marry a rich check wait? I would marry a wealthy woman stop it stop it

I would marry you stop saying it ask a question Say one more time. There's only two women out of the peers. Who's the woman? A really, really rich woman or, no, Kathy Bates. I love Kathy. Who played, who played. Who played, who played.

I call my first album is gonna be comedy, obviously people call I am Kathy Bates. Because I feel like every gay guy has a woman that they feel like they are. I feel like I'm Kathy Bates. This is true. If you love Kathy Bates because I feel like every gay guy has a woman that they feel like they are I feel like I'm Kathy Bates. This is true. I love Kathy Bates. She played the unsinkable Molly Brown and Titanic. Yes. She looks very sinkable. I love you. I love you.

I love you, man. Think they're specific women. I know. I think gay men have a, you have a woman. You have a woman? It's Maria Calis. I know. I know I think gay men have a what you have a woman. You have a woman? It's Maria Calis. Yeah, what's Maria Calis? I know, I know. How do you fucking, this is like having like three black guys on. Well, it's fucking not a straight white guy. We can talk each other, we have to grab each other and go to a corner and just get it.

So yeah, we don't see each other enough, but when we see each other, we were, you know, we're in a tape away and just get out. Could you fuck a woman and stay hard? I've had sexual women a woman, yeah. Recently, I'm not recently known, not for years and years. I'm here, I'm here. Right, right.

But, yeah. I'm asking you, cheers, do you want to have a boyfriend someday? A someday, but not right now, I'm focused on my free- Okay, okay, all right. Yeah, I'm just going to ask you a serious question. Okay. So you'd like to have a boyfriend someday. One day, yes.

Now, is that boyfriend, do you know what that is? Or is it, uh, do you, do you, do I know what I would want? Yeah, I want to get like a quiet dude regular guy, not like a little bit. Not in the business. Not in the business. No one near the business. No one near the business.

No one or a drug. Somebody who, you know, maybe saw, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, his parents killed someone. Why? Yeah, I need to prove. I need to prove. I need to prove. I need to prove. I need to prove. I need to prove. I need to prove. He's parents killed someone I like someone who just stairs at this you want the blue Plows in the sky and you want to prove swill I'm serious who the what what is your a quiet boyfriend?

Like a quiet reggaer just a regular guy like regular dude. Yeah, just a dude like a regular guy's Now is he gonna be do you want to get smart smart cooks parents are murder has money? You know, maybe does the penis matter? Not like it doesn't have it has to have a penis like Yeah I Would want somebody I think any guy can answer the question Yeah, yeah, if you had to take a dick what kind of dick would you have to take? I would want him to have like a regular penis or maybe better than regular, but not bigger

What's regular? I want him to have a bigger one than me because it has the point Does it have to be a white penis? Attempt what kind of penis? I don't care about the color If he's white and his penis is black, it's like that's interesting like a little but circumcise yeah I would rather circumcise penis right okay. I don't like on circumcise big balls little balls I'm sorry, yeah, I would rather circumcise penis. All right, okay. I don't like on circumcise big balls little balls I'm so much with little balls. Oh, no, I think I think a big dick with little balls You like care about big dick little balls. I don't care about balls I don't mind I'm not dynamite. I have an ex boyfriend who wanted me to suck on his guys all the time Yeah, yeah, hang on a second reason. What you like big balls? I love a nut sack. I love

Like I have Hang on a second, where are you? You like big balls? I love a nut sack. I love like a hefty. Oh my god, it's hilarious. You know, like, oh, like miss shape it even. And it should, and when it's in repose, when it's relaxed, it's shaping this overabundance of skin. It should just be this like like a cake that someone, you know, just took out prematurely. Like a saddlebag.

Wait, let him fucking talk you, co you cuck's just it's marvelous balls shaved or half shaved Like a bean bag with googly eyes on it. So be like a dog or But no balls you like a big ball sure even under every joint now. Do you like a ball? Do you like a ball? Then when you suck at a dick, do you like this is the weird. Do I also put the balls in my mouth? No, do you like it? Now, do you like the, do you like the big balls to play with? Yes, absolutely. And you like a tight sack. No, I don't mind. I don't carry the way. I'll adjust. Stop screaming. I'll adjust. Just asking a simple question. This is what my dad says. Timothy, I'm just asking. He's't carry the way. I'll adjust. Stop screaming him. I'll adjust. I'm just asking a simple question.

This is what my dad says. Timothy, I'm just asking a question. He's like, lower your voice when you're talking about bulls. In this I hop. Lower your voice. I just don't care about balls, really. I feel like this is a weird, I feel like this is a weird like, like meeting of glad and we're not getting anything done. They're like,

Ed doesn't get anything done. No, we're gonna push for gay adoption and we're like, like, meeting of GLAAD and we're not getting anything done. They're like, GLAAD doesn't get anything done. It's like, no, we're gonna push for gay adoption and we're like, well, what about Bulls? I found the perfect man that I want to marry and he lives in Paris and I have no way of making that happen. We can do a go-fun me. He's a legal skater, man. But tell me, have like the opposite type. But tell one, I want like an all-American guy.

But tell one, it's like a traveler of the world, like, hot. You want somebody with a scarf? No, I want someone with a scarf. I want a scarf, yeah. A scarf and a scarf. world like hot. You want somebody with a scarf? No, I want someone with a scarf. I want a scarf, yeah. A scarf and a scarf. Anything like ethnic, like, it looks like you love to put like a plate in the lip out. Do you guys see like a modern family?

You see that gay couple on there? Yes. And they have this beautiful house and they both have great jobs. Right. They have the kids and they're living basically the American dream as a gay couple. Right.

Does that appeal to you? No. Really? I'd like to be richer than them. Really? Yes, and then abuse power. Why? Why would I want to abuse power?

Like a gay illuminati. Yeah, just a gay. Because gay is like to become the closest thing they can to Disney villains. So, you know, it's like Tim's on his way. I'm on my way. I'm on my god. I'm on my god.

I'm on my god. You're going my God. I'm on Shala. You're gonna have a fucking nice dog coat very soon. And that's what? Dog coat. Hey dude, listen, I know you don't suck there. Yeah. Sorry, J.N. Can you imagine what our show is like?

I want a house like you. I want a house like you. I want, I think you have a great life. I want something similar to you. My life. Legitimately, I think you have a great life. I want something similar to you. My life. Legitimately, I think you have a beautiful, great family. Like that's where, you know, shut up.

Listen, why? I just, no, I agree. I listen, man. I agree with you. You know what's me, you talk about. Right. I really, I walk up my driveway, I look at my life.

You're lucky. I'm not lucky. No, you're lucky. I'm not lucky. No, you worked hard. I'm not lucky. I work my ass off. Right. And I, you know, well, we're all lucky to an extent. Well, I fucking worked on my relationship, which I still work on.

I could have thrown that out a fucking long time ago. As far as being a good dad, I work on that. As far as my home, you know, I wasn't a fucking idiot with my money. Right. And, you know, I'm not loaded. I still have to take what I can fucking take. I'm the fucking showgirl, can you? But I do really look at my life and go,

people say you're lucky. I get wild. You're fortunate. I think that's the word. We're in aore eating like potatoes just like Bob we can't go live wouldn't be nice have Bob we live I know we make me happy you know we just before into

the bar for four people and we're eating somehow frozen yogurt and funnets stop and I have a very similar Instagram except just opposite bodies. Starvars Instagram is amazing and it's amazing watching it happen like watching those photos actually. Yeah, but here's the problem is that we're on the road together, like we're in Vermont

this weekend and all these looking for is to get a fucking, you know, naked somewhere. Is it dude? Can I look at buddy? I'm not involved in this. I got other things. I like your fucking Instagram, but get away from me. I'm not, I'm not taking a photo. You're at a farmer's market where you fucking you know a lobster on your cock

It's not serious. I just did the Vermont comedy club last weekend Bobby. It was great. It's amazing Amazing, there's one of the best rooms in the entire country I think for Mont yeah I mean soda with there. Yeah, I have in maple syrup. I know that you put that pressure on us till you fuck what you to he's like They got maple syrup and now me and him are walking around, and we're like, does he want to get maple syrup? I'm like, no, I'm not fucking, we're getting dumplings. Those two queens walking around, getting fucking maple syrup.

Yeah, so do one to the farmers, Mark. Yeah, we did too, and we got dumplings. And the fucking farmers market. Who buys fucking syrup? In Vermont, everyone. It's literally not a psychopath. Buddy, you got dumplings at the farmers market. From a lady who's been there for 20 fucking years

Oh, you can't do that with dumplings. No, she hit hand makes them to order you fuck has a wooden cart Bernie Sanders making dumplings that some fucking uncle some Chinese carpenter made for her She's out there all day. There's a line me and Star Wars the sliders fuck you Okay, tell me about the fucking dumplings chubby Those sliders are amazing fuck sliders. All right, whatever. I'm sorry dumplings all right Dumblings the Chinese and everybody knows about it But if you're in Vermont, you should grab some maple you get no No, I'm sure you're not listening. You're not listening. That's what hacks do yeah

That's what fucking hacks do you You know what I fucking did? I fucking went and I got a fucking dumpling from a Chinese lady that's been doing it for 20 years and everybody knows her. It's a secret and then I'll tell you fucks because they don't want you to have the dumplings. They want to keep it. But I know fucking cock suckers.

Thank you. I thought I would add to the nori. I'm gonna take that thing back about wanting it your life. I'm gonna take that back. Let me roll back back slightly. I want parts of it. You should take off your shirt. We've all been waiting. Oh yeah! Why is there that me while you're doing it? Don't fucking talk and let me do it. Make sure you don't contact me. Here we go. Oh yeah. Jesus Christ.

Now do me a favor, put this in your mouth. No. Yeah. Really? Wow. Oh yeah. Do you walk by like posters of Bruce Lee and go tank ass? Look at you.

You're fucking these lovely. These are fucking good looking guys. He is. The tits are high in tight. Yeah, look at him. He's holding everything in there. I want to lean back a little bit. Yeah, lean back. Yeah, lean back. I just want to lean back so I can never down there very nice

Nice the gayest fucking show we've ever I'll take off my clothes everyone else I'll say I want Lauren to take your I'll take off my shoes. I won't take off my shoes. You'll throw up at my toenails I literally my pinkie-tone-el my pinky-tone-el I literally my pinky toe my pinky my pinky toenail the other Good I don't think my Yeah, my it's fucking awful, but I'm fat. It takes me a little while to get down this so it's like a seasonal thing Cutting my how was it fall time to cut my toenail?

I love Vermont it was fucking great, cut my tone. I don't know, dude. I love Vermont. It was fucking great. But, so- Stop roast, here's the problem. I'm fucking, you know, I'm doing the show. I really love traveling with him because we will sit down the afternoon and go over jokes and go over our sets and watch as my set. I'll watch his and we help each other out with bits, which I don't think fucking comics

do on the road. It's, you know, you're going out there, you have your act, I have mine, we worked on it on our own, and you go do your shit, and I go do mine, live or die by the fucking whatever you got, and if you do good, great, then you go have fucking parties after and do your shit. Me and Star Wars actually help each other with bits and work and shit out, and we sat down the next day, and we went, you you know for an hour and a half and I went over some shit with him and he went over and then we tried it that night and it fucking works

So it there is it I love that creative thing that he likes Lisa Trigger and I go on the road together and I straighten her hair and blow dry it and Sounds like there's VU and that's it. Yeah, that's fine Sounds like they're SVU and that's it. Yeah, that's fine. But, that's the gays thing I've ever heard other than this podcast. But he's without his shirt on or not. That's not gay at all.

Thank God for your wonderful. That's fucking motivation right there. Comfortable. But like at night, he turns into a different animal. Like we said, because he's tithing all day. He's hunting all day. And then he hooks one of these fish. And then at night, he's a guard Iindering all day. He's hunting all day and then he he hooks one of these fish and Then at night he's a guy I'll see you later and I'm like it's 12.30. We're leaving at fucking

Six he's a guy I'll be back before five and then I woke up in the middle of the night was about 4.30 He's in the bed and I went and his glasses were broken. There was grass stuck in the lenses. Good for him. His pants had like, like, grass stains on them. What are you doing out of a moving car? No, you're fucking a jumped. Now I fucking met the chick on Tinder, spent all night listening to the hopes

and fucking dream shooting angles. Then at the end of the night, finally went down on our fucking grassy knoll and by a cannon. You know what I mean? And it's like fuck, I remember doing on that ship, it's just such a taxing pain. Just fucking fool to eat some strange redheads pussy on the grass. That's exactly what I'm saying.

Is it really? Once, it was a strange redhead. Really? And I had to pretend it a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing.

That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing.

That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing? It's like a theater with like infinite curtains. Fantastic. No actors. It's fantastic shut off.

There's one actor. It's the clip. Right. You know, shy. I'm hung with roughs. No, pussy, I'll be honest. You have to be desensitized to it. I disliked it.

I say it in my act. If you take, if you take sex out of it, there's no such thing as sex. We don't even know what sex is. And you're holding your penis, a man holding his dick, and a woman holding her vagina open. I was like, you have to put one of those in the mouth. Everybody be like, oh, put the dick in my mouth. That fits in your mouth.

It doesn't taste like a fucking thumb. I don't even, you know what I mean? Tastes like a pussy. You'd be like, I don't even know what the fuck used to be there that you ripped off. Like she got cut shoplifting or whatever the fuck that hole is. Yeah, I would, I remember the first pussy I saw, I was like, you gotta be shitting me. And then I remember licking it and I was like, fuck this.

And then over time you desensitize yourself to look, this is what you do to make her feel good. And then you can get up in there and it'll lick them. But then do you like it? Like, listen, I'll tell you what happened to me. I had a child and I got re-fucked up with pussy because I saw life come out of it. Oh yeah.

But between the time when you first went down on a check and the time you had a kid, there's a large amount, there's about 20 years here. A lot of pussy. So let me as you grow it, just like coffee, once you have an acquired taste, did you not like it at any point? Buddy, I loved it,

but I love the effect of it. Believe me. But you never enjoyed doing it. I, I like it. Hold this note. I'll tell you what I like. I like are you coming out of the closet? Yeah.

What is this part of the show? I have a hard time going on. I tell you what I like, man, about a woman. Yeah. Is I love, um, and the way I know I'm not getting. And I want you to look me around about a woman. Yeah, as I love. And the way I know I'm not gay. And I want you to look at me right now. Yeah, guys, what are you talking about, Bobby?

I'm a very mechanical with gay guys. Like they know how to suck a dick the way you're supposed to suck it. I think girls put on more of a show. And you know, and what? I am like a phalacio kabuki dancer. I will, I will literally, I will build like a nest around the penis and then like something with scarves or fans.

It's like a ceremony. I am in regret. I will really romance it up. I can't believe I be good. You know, it's really important that you put your art into it. You put, it's really important that you put your art into it. You put like, like, you're feeling. Gage, Gage, I, I stand corrected.

My God, I don't know, I didn't, there's just something. You're an animal. Look, I've grown to like push you over the years, but the first couple of pushes I saw was a nightmare. But you don't like going down on a woman? You don't need to do it. You that doesn't turn you on I like the effect. I am I I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like trooper, what a trooper over there. Bobby, do you like eating a woman's butt? Hang on, what's that? I got a really important.

I know I was doing a show. I got a really crazy email right now. Oh, sorry. No, it's really crazy. Text me, I said, no, I never text, but that I had to. Do I like eating butter? I like doing anything in the heat of passion. I don't know, I fucking need an asshole. I'll suck a puss. I'll fucking stick my fingers. I'll put my finger in her asshole.

Feet. And then- Do you like having that done to you? What? Like if his girlfriend puts her finger in your butt? I don't- I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. I like- Makes me. I like- I used to do my thing. My thing back in the day was getting my ass eaten.

It's so good! Hang on, settle down. Settle with the... F***ing... To f***ing dick-gavill. What was you doing? I like settle down. I like how you said you were a thing, like, you were a gangster,

and that's what people knew about you. Like, yeah, Bobby likes to get his ass eaten. Yeah. Tommy's good with numbers. Bobby likes to get his salad talk. Brim good with numbers. Bobby likes to get his salad tall. Good job, Bobby! I agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have a name. Hey, kid, the guy pushes the girls head down this way. He pushed her head down to me behind. Who are you? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. What the fuck have you been, though? Can you fuck?

I got this fucking queen taking his shirt off. I just let it happen. I'm kidding, listen. Yeah, I remember there was a waitress here, a bartender here, Spanish girl, fucking hard as bitch too. Who everybody wanted to fuck her, still everybody to go fuck themselves, but she would fuck me. But mainly, this is, come on, this is years ago.

It's 2000, yeah, 2001, 2 3 maybe you're on there, but and there was this other girl. She was 18 smoking Smoking and they would just fucking like I'd go meet up to Spanish girl and she'd be like all right Let's we talk for a little bit. She got let's go. Let's go. I'm on each S and we go back to my place And she'd fucking suck my dick from anything. Just eat my ass like a big fat. I have that thing in my act where I was I was literally girls eat my ass and I said, Oh, he'd that pussy and she got fucked up. She was like, what did you remember that? I remember that. But it was it. It was too far. That was too far.

Well, I think the reason why I said it as I got way into it. My ass pussy. I was on my I was on my small on my back with my legs up. I think if I was oh Baby, but you ending up like a man. I wouldn't set it. Yeah, is this when you were real fit when we like Yeah, I shredded body. This is shredded Bobby. Yeah, you can't have your you can't have your feet up and I used to love Get my dick stuck from like milkin. I think they call it when they pull you dick that for you get on all fours And they put you I can mine doesn't go that I can't do that Explain that explain it you're an old four you get all fours like a fucking Dolman Pincher. Yeah And then you pulled the fucking cockback backwards like your dick now

And they pull it through your legs out the old fruit basket. I mean that's that can be top And then she would suck my dick. That would make me insecure, man. Oh my god. I would get rid of girls sort of mouth around my butt. That would make me a little I'd be uncomfortable. No, it's delight. It didn't make me insecure at all. No way. Do you have a hair? Yes. Dude, I had one time. You'll know hair on your butt. Not back then. Look at I say my ass is shut down like Chernobyl now. I get it. It was fucking rusty swing sets and everything. No, no, mine looks like the underside of an elementary school desk.

It's like guff, initials. Oh, it's awful. Yeah. It's terrible. Yeah. Yeah. Mine, you can actually hear squeaking of rusty swing sets.

Yeah, yeah. It's awful down there. I don't know anybody down there. Nobody goes down there. Doctors don't even get on there. But back then it was better. Back then my ass was fucking no wrinkled. Winkled, you shaved it? I didn't have to. there, but nobody goes down there doctors don't be good on that but back then it was better back down My ass was fucking no way shave you shaved it. I didn't have to you're ask it's right. You know you know you Look in the mirror fucking you know you know you the blue not the blue not yeah, the star

It was just a perfect little butt now. It's like a rusty sheriff's badge. I don't know I'll tell you this I've been down in a while. I'm sure you could chip away a couple things and it might look all right Like if you got like a you know when you get like a old fresco painting, get restoration, pull down there. If you start like spring cleaning to get the yard ready, you know, like a 409. If you found a knife at the bottom of the ocean, right, right, then you brought it up and chipped away that fucking restaurant. It would be, it would still cut. So your assholes and antiques.

Yeah, yeah. Well now it is. From the Titanic. Charming, it's quenching. The only way, the only way somebody goes near my ass when I was I'd pay for it. Yeah. If I would pay a chick to, you know, fuck it up. Or a cornoscopy. Yeah, or something like that.

But, yeah, man, I look at it, I did my thing. It's all right, I had a lot of fun with my ass. Yeah. Not give a day. A lot of chicks did a lot of fucking crazy shit to it. It's cool. And I like fucking chicks in the ass too. I like banging chicks in the ass, but not fully.

Just a couple. It's a couple. I find it so boring. Really? Yeah, because it's just, it's something. Every gay was mad that you just said that. Sorry, I find it boring. I find it all out of boring.

I like doing other things with that, but I don't like, it just, it doesn't feel as good as the other stuff. Well, something in you, but I don't like, it just, it doesn't feel as good as the other stuff. Well, something in your butt, like I had a girl stick her finger in my ass, and I didn't like it because it was just, once she did it, the, the, it was over.

Like it was, you know what I mean? Let's just think about the butt as the butt. What do you mean? It's like, doesn't want you to be in it. That's right. So I think that's kind of interesting because it's like, it's foreboding.

It's like, no. Yeah, it is like, no for a reason. No, I mean, I mean, lots of things in your it's like it's foreboding. It's like no. Yeah, it is like no for a reason No, I mean lots of things you know Go to hell I'm going I am going hell every Tuesday at seven That's right plug the show Tim Dylan. I made you oh my god Listen I created you You set me up

Oh my god. Listen. I created you. I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you, I created you,. But like what I was in, I think it was a first year of college or maybe you've seen it here, I've tried to forget. I hooked up with a kid and now he's married. Like that's, that should happen. Well that should happens all the time. Yeah, but I mean, look at Kevin Meeney. Right. We have married with a kid. I don't know any. Kevin Meeney, the comic. Yeah. I don't care. I don't want you guys to do it better. Oh yeah. I'm going to sing that. Yeah, but you, yeah, he was married for years and came out. Gotcha. Has a kid and then whatever.

Why the sikes? Want a sikes? Married came out. Yeah. She was good. Keith Robinson. Oh, Bobby, I'm not here to defend myself. I can't defend.

You got just to be a shirt on. I can defend myself, yeah. How the fuck did it kill me if he was gay? How great would that be? Oh, that could show work. A dick and woodbridge. I'll break with that bitch. Ah, that can show work. I'm a dick and woodbridge. I can't suck dick back, I can suck. I've been living with my boyfriend and woodbridge for three years.

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of guys like that. Right. A lot of shit like that happens. But I think by the time, it's just the end nowadays, by the time you're 20, 25, is it really, do you have to be happy when I was 16? I was 16 working on Michael's arts and crafts, literally like, I just haven't found the right girl yet. And it was like, so embarrassing.

Yeah, I can't have 25. I think that was late and on the list, generation that will come out that late. No, I think there's no, no, no, no, no. How old were you? I was 15 and I started the group in high school. I was 25. Just started a gay group. I started the gay group in my high school

I was like you know sequined and very queer Incredibly like and that was impressive because it was in Tehran I was in Tehran. Yeah, you really? Yeah, you read and take it out is about how can you when I was nine? I was a huge But like I was a kid and then not got not gay I think there were always meetings we can't take back I think there will always be like you know like to Tim's taste. Yeah, where like somebody doesn't want a mainstream gay experience

They would they were going to want I like to quiet I like the voice is so fucking echoing. I like the I like the guy The voice is so fucking echoing. I like the guy's voice on there and like, what? Well, you keep shutting my mic off, so I don't know if I have to, yeah, I'll take it. You don't have to reach the ball. I will never show my cover to anyone.

I stop plugging your network. I think part of the gay experience to me is like, being sneaky and I think it's fun. Yeah, and it's not fun. It's not fun. I don't know, but it's weird. It's not fun. I'm not looking, I don't want to go back,

this is like the 50s and 60s, it was like ducking and cover and hiding and pushing. I don't want to go back to like the 50s and 60s like ducking and cover and hiding and I don't want that either I literally want to have sex with people from the 50s and 60s Yeah, just dentures How many guys have you been with? Nice Jewish boy. How many men have you been zero point zero? Ever I offer have you ever have you ever done and I'm gonna be on have you ever done when you're like a kid when you're like what

you're shirtless I'm sure you're off everybody's gonna be shitless but the end of the box we're all take see hey hey settle down

what is your stomach I know I'm sorry. Yeah, but he's, it's telling you. This is the result of self-hate. It's called, no, no. This is the result of self-hate. That is hard work. There are many different shades of the rainbow in here. I love that he went around to Ted.

You could have done this. Yeah. Now I feel uncomfortable. Why? Because you're around him? You got to do relaxed both of you. No, no, no, no, no, rub on each other Good. I see this what I love about Justin. Yeah, dude. You're such a pussy hound You would fucking do gay shit and it wouldn't even be gay. You'd be doing it for shits and giggles

That's my point, but here's what I'm asking This is what I'm gonna and this makes you come you don't that when I was like when I was like a kid when we were like 12 I remember me and my friends we would put like put like big cocks in your mouth. No, my My friends we would put like we watch like the sex scenes what you said I mean you have to be pretty I tried I can't like we all try we could like the tip I'm very black I almost I almost snap my neck. No, like we would watch like this I'm gonna go I almost fucking snap my neck this afternoon We we would watch like the sex scenes in police academy remember remember when they'll Get naked in front of the fire

Yeah, and then we put like the couch pillows between each other and like hump each other through the couch pillows You and your buddy, but yeah, but I but I've had enough of those weird experience to be like I know I'm not gay because like I'm not you know I had those weird like I be like, I know I'm not gay, because I'm not, you know, I had those weird like, I have never done anything like that, gay. There was a big one too. Ah! Ah! There was a kid one time, we were a sleepover.

Imagine this guy gay, what you said, could you say off? No, there was a sleepover. And it was like three of us sleeping in this kid's room. And like he threw porn on, and everyone's like watching for the first time and I turn around and this dude is naked just fucking a stuffed animal

and some of us, right? It's cool. And I'm just like, we did that all the time. We did that stuff. Really? Yeah. I went to, I was like locked up from 15 to 17. The conversation was like,

I'm not sure if I'm my shirt back. I was locked up from like 15 to 17. So it's like, what do you mean?. I was locked up from like 15 to 17. So it's like, it was like a mix between like a boarding school and the tension set. Yeah, I'm saying it was like, was your parents catch you like fucking sheep? No, I stopped.

I can't. I can't. Wait, what is that? Did you fuck the tag on the screen? He's an e-mail. I can't. I can't. Did you fuck the tag on the shirt or even e-mail? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I can't Anyway, I mean we're in a back in and stay on brand Would it be funny if outside I was a huge quit like just had like just dressed in drag all over the place If I saw you as a fucking a math teacher some woman

Some fucking woman with high heels and a shitty bag And I bumped in you excuse me and I bumped in you, excuse me. I would fucking hug you forever. I just hug you. Well, oh god. That's a whole other thing too, is that there's guys who like to dress like women. Yeah, and stuff.

Just transvestites. I used to wear, are you dressed? Is that a transvestite or a cross dresser? That's a cross dresser. But that's the same thing as a transvestite, yeah. I used to, I'm trying to try to tell it's smart about it. That's a cross dresser,, but that's the same thing as a dress that is I think Bobby's trying to tell smart about it. So that's a cross-dresser actually that's what a Transvestite you mean they're not transgender like they don't have they didn't cut their dick off before I was doing I was singing and gay strip clubs all around Chicago and

I would sing but it would be me it would be like a stripper of drag queen than me, and they always hated me. Did you always have this little fucking Italian mustache? Oh yeah. Now, is that you, you just, the guys have a complaint about it? No, they kind of like it. Although one British guy, in Paris, they were talking about it, I was like, fuck a mercury over there. And I was like, got it. It's like a young jupetto.

Hey, Muckles avoid. Yeah, I don't know, I've always had it. I think I look like, got it. It's like a young jupetto. Hey, Mako's a boy. Yeah, I don't know, I've always had it. I think I'm gonna set up with a mustache. Well, you said I've really enjoyed. I was gonna leave no to. I'm sorry, I'm gonna be back on, and we're gonna do sports.

Beautiful. I'm coming too. I'm not. I'm just leaving the games at home, we'll be fine. I'm coming back for sports. You scope on book the show, all gay. I'm sorry fine. I would scope a book to show all gay. I'm sorry. You know what, so.

Could we come back for like a Oscar read cap? Yeah. Yes, we can do the tonics. Would you let me do that? No, not the fuck the tonics. I want to go after those dresses and those women. Sure. Let me do an ad real quick.

Can we, who can read? I always get the ad. Do I have a run to it? I usually do that. I'll do a run to it. Can we do it? Can we pass? We'll do a paragraph each I'll be the gayest read in the world. Yeah, you're best game boys. Yeah, it's a one sixteen forty five. All right

55 at draft Kings dot com. You don't need to come in first. Right Kings. He's reading a cash in the player who finished first, like Kings is really a cash in. The player who finished 800th in week one's biggest fantasy football contest took home a hundred bucks. This weekend, draft Kings is hosting another huge fantasy contest with over one million dollars in total prizes up for grabs. Thank you. This is Paul Versey. Drex kings is the destination for one week fantasy football. One week fantasy means no season long commitments.

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That was great. Is he in the bathroom now? What a fack. He is the keyest. Is he going the bathroom now? What a f*** He is the gayest though. Is he gonna come back with a shirt on or off? But is he gonna come back at all and he fucking blows his load in the toilet? Oh, it's for hey, hey, hey, you doing right? It's the left left, right? Hi buddy

What's the light? It's inside to the right where lights usually are Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, we're live. What do you think I shut it down? Because you're gonna take a whiz? I'm going in there. You're trying to sneak me in there with the obnoxio. Buddy, buddy, use your common sense. Where's fucking lights?

Just feel the wall. Oh my god, you're a dummy. Go in there and fuck him in the ass. What's your... See what happens when you're the hottest one in the world? Let's... Let's move on from the gay. Because you're more than gay. I'm gay. Sure. You're way more than gay. You're very funny guys. I mean I just did a lie. I'm in the only pressure so I don't know if that's true. I don't either. I mean I don't

tell you. I just want to be we get a move. I agree. I shut up. Yeah. Well all the chat room stuff is just gay stuff so should should get that out of the way and move on Yeah, is there any gays in the chat room? That's a good question No one has admitted that yet, but Deepo if you ever hooked up with a dude no, no, close. I got was being hit on by you a couple years ago Oh, man, I think I hit on deepo. I might have hit on deepo. What did it? Can I stop? What did you do? No, we were friendly. He was working in Staten Island for a little period.

No one in comedy has ever been friendly to Deepo. So he just thinks everyone's trying to find, but I think Deepo's a good looking guy. Yeah, that's right. That's what he's doing. What a guy. I'll be the judge of this. Okay, excuse me.

Order in the fucking form. So what did he do to you? He gave me his number. He called me. I cried a night You called you called Deepo. Yeah, I think I called this is what this is why nothing going on in my career So I don't know pick up the phone for me anymore. You fucking Listen, I call them I don't think I did anything over it, but I Think I was feeling it out. What time do you call you? It was nice evening phone call. Yeah, it was like, it was at night.

Was it on a Tuesday or a Friday? Friday night. Friday night. Yeah, put it out, just in hello. Hey, hello. Is there water for me? I'm going to go. Did you?

This clock sucker. Every fucking week. No, it's my job. I shut your face. Every fucking week. Don't yell, Lauren. This was shut your fucking mouth. Don't ever yell, Lauren. Fuck you. I'll fucking hit her if you keep it out. Yeah, I swear to God. I'll fight you You don't fucking scare me one fuck. I'm not one of your dogs. You know, I'm the alpha male here. You sit shut stay look

Listen shut up every fucking week. No, it's my fault. This shut up with your scopo. Baby, no. No. Shut your mouth. Scopo, look at me in the eye. She did nothing wrong. Scopo, she's the man. What's the only thing I asked for? Water. And a coffee.

It's dead. Scopo's trying to hook me up with a lesbian. Whoa, whoa, whoa. My name is the king of Segways. My name's Lauren. Hi, Lauren. My name is John. I Segways. My name is Lauren. Hi Lauren. My name is John. I'm happy we came down the state together.

I'll tell you a little bit about myself. I've started making water homemade. I saw the Martian and I thought, hey, that'd be a good idea. So what are you interested in? Not Vajana. Oh, OK. I could go. Have you ever had a vagina? No.

College? No, that's not it. Ask me if I've had a cock. You've had a cock? Yes. Really? No, wait. You have a you've got a fucking a** in my hat.

Gloria Steinem, I'm really. I love you. I know you do. What's in the chatroom, Deepa? Ben Paine says, I want to ride Mateo's stash with my butthole. Okay. Wow. That's great. Let me see pictures No, geez. Do you really? Is that how you are? Sure? No way. He's just gonna let some fucking complete monster Your sides are awesome This is a sides are awesome. I love it. What's up? I don't even know what you're talking about his sides are awesome the things

He said they're awesome just say this thing says don't fuck a space you up, okay? All right, don't rub it off on it. I'm not rubbing off on it. You should be gay. It would be it's an easier life. I would date him on it as your life. Hot and he's got he loves people. Listen, I'm obsessed.

Is it easier life than fucking some oiads? Listen, that was funny. It's a fucking bad. You have a that because you know what your excitement bugged me I you will laugh and at it before you spit it out. I thought it was very funny you eager beaver. I thought you know you don't like beaver What else you got? BXB says Scopus big ass will be appreciated here James Pasque says last time Iran bombed it was a real dumpster fire what else you got um... james past we says last time iran bombed it was a real dumpster fire

uh... terresting oh i guess because you're i don't get too soon to some air on bomb it was a real but you know i'm a i'm a terrorist well

did this terrorized dicks and you have a lot of i can't i can't believe the fucking craziness that happened. Here comes a serious point. Oh no. Here comes a geopolitical analysis.

That's gay and police. That's gay and police. Gaze will immediately... Oh my god. I'm just trying to... No. You have something to say. No.

You have a gayship. I hate gays. Oh no, with a gayship. I'd be here, I'd be here. No. I'd be here to say. No. You're gonna get shit. I ain't shit. Not with the gay shit. Uh, Jim Belushi said that to me once. I did a show with him. He's the one that's alive, right? Yeah.

White knuckling it. Yeah, because I did a show and he came up afterwards and he's like, I like that gay shit material. And I was like, all right, thank you. I know, but this was not the segue really hard left, but I was up in Vermont when this bomb shit went off, and it was so funny how they were like, oh, it's not terrorism. They were saying weird shit. Yeah, we don't know why.

I mean, who knows? It could be anyone. We don't know if it's terrorism. What did they say that said it was, it was, like, it was meant to hurt people, but it's not terrorism. And then the next day, they're like, it's terrorism. And it's just, I mean, we're not idiots. Well, I mean, first of all, the guy had a bag, a suitcase,

with a rice cooker in it. Yeah, a little. Fresher cooker, yeah. I mean, it couldn't have been more fucking hilariously. It's like, there's an app. Now, these guys went up and took out, they saw the, I was talking to Jim Sherbercoats today, there was an article he sent me.

They saw the Tumisou case and wanted the Sou case. So they opened up the Sou case and saw the bomb and took it out and broke it. But they broke the bomb and they took the Sou case, but it's like, it's like, the bomb is people who did that? I don't know. And then the other one was actually a duffle bag

with five of these bombs. Like right. And they go bare on the fucking way to the massage baller ball, type of thing. Wow. Well boy. Where is that? You know what I mean?

No, and I was asking for the script. That's fine, you do fuck. I was asking for the fucking ticket. I was asking for the script for the baby girl. Well the homeless people are saving us. I was asking for the bomb in New Jersey during the marine run. A homeless person wanted the suitcase and found the bomb. Somehow deactivated it, left it and grabbed the suitcase.

So they're saving the city. Isn't it? Isn't it? He's right by my house. What I think every time I see a homeless. I'm like you're saving the city. But it's weird that it's almost like this. right by my house. What I think every time I see a homeless, I'm like you're saving the city. Ha ha ha ha. But it's weird that in pain.

It's almost like this. If you get the Boston bombers, it was so well fought out. They put it, it was so precise and they took it as many people as they could and their bombs were so vicious. And then you have this guy, I feel like he got the call. Like he was just hanging out, partying,

doing his thing, the new iPhone just came out, he's excited about getting that. And then they got the call, okay, you know. He was like, and I think he was like an old terrorist. He's like, I'm gonna do it my way. He was like, I don't think you're in my own way. I don't think you wanted to do it. I think he was like, half-dapsed.

He was like, oh, fuck. I think he wanted to do it. And I think, I think it's, I don't want to depend on the idea that terrorists are always gonna be inept, you know. But how bad are you that you, in New York City on Friday night? I mean, listen, a bomb to go all 26 people to go to the hospital of wounds.

I mean, it isn't nothing. It is, they were all out the next day. None of them were life threatening. He put the bomb in a barrel. Then all the shit went up. Yeah, well, listen, it's, he was not good. He was not good at it. He was, we know that.

But do you think that, I'm just asking this question. Yeah, yeah. Do you think that it's possible that he was like, I don't want to do this? No, I just want to do it. Absolutely, wait, wait, isn't it idiot? Okay, is it idiot? Let me just give you this scenario.

Please. And tell me if it's ridiculous. It's gonna be. Sorry. I apologize. I was, this is the thing. I apologize right in front of the set. You're gonna get a timeout.

Okay, sir. There's no consequence. You can't just apologize to the consequence. Tune in the gas digital network. And tune right out. Hey, hey, we okay, he's, you know, you're here. You're enjoying your life. He's not doing the thing. Well, hang on. I'm giving you the fucking scenario. I'm not going tit for tat with you fucking Tompkins. I'm not going tit for tat with you fucking Tompkins. I'm not going tit for tat with you fucking Tompkins. I'm not going tit for tat with you fucking Tompkins.

I'm not going tit for tat with you fucking Tompkins. I'm not going tit for tat with you fucking Tompkins. I'm not going tit for tat with you fucking Tompkins. I'm not going tit for tat with you fucking Tompkins. So they do. I can't stay with you. I can't stay with you. I really hate you, Tim.

I can't fucking stay with you. I really hate you, Tim. I can't fucking stay with you. I really hate you, Tim. I can't fucking stay with you. I really hate you, Tim. I can't fucking stay with you. I really hate you, Tim. I can't fucking stay with you. You're raspy fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking Know this is ridiculous. I understand just know that but I'm saying this He's he's fine. He's doing his life. He's you know blah blah blah. He went to the camp

He did the al-Qaeda, but and now he's a sleeper cell. He's going to you know food He's hanging out with his wife and fam having to go all of a sudden he gets the call. It's time You're gonna go do this shit now. He's got to go get the bombs He's got to build them. He's pushing me, but he doesn't want to fucking do it He doesn't want to kill a bunch of people he yeah He's gonna do what he's supposed to do and get caught and fucking be free of it I mean, is there any interesting and that he yeah, I don't Look it if they know how to take a bunch of people out not on a fucking corner late night I think this guy say I think I think he's a homegrown guy that probably, no, he went there.

He's not. No, I know he went there, but it's a difference. There's a difference between going somewhere and doing a little tourism and then being a guy, you know, he met his wife there. You know, if he was really hardcore, he would have blown himself up. He would have walked into Grand Central Station, Friday night at 530 and blown himself. That's a real hardcore person. Yeah, but he would have went on a train and did this or did something. What happened? He actually stuck it in a can and left it, left them in a suitcase. Yeah, but I think he wanted it to do. I wouldn't leave him in the suitcase.

I mean, he's not good at comedy. He's not good. He's trying to hide it. He's not bad. He's not bad at comedy. He's also small-fries enough that he wasn't on anyone's radar. He was just seeing us. I mean, he was.

They did tell the FBI. His father told the FBI two years ago, my son is a problem and the FBI investigated him. It did, you know, it's weird as the FBI is always investigating these people and always finding nothing. They did that with the Boston bombers too. The Boston bombers were known to the FBI. So that's a little weird. Not to say, I find it. And how fast did they fucking find this?

Here's what happens. Here's why. Because the FBI probably tries to recruit these guys as informants. OK. Probably tries to say, you're're gonna be an informant and maybe we're gonna have you think that we're the guy okay okay okay you're the guy you're the guy you say hey Zonaya hey listen listen yes my name is agent Moynihan I know you don't listen to me. We're gonna

You play the top while you play the good cup Look it this the fucking problem with gays. Yeah, they all want to be a part of it He's a good book the gig okay? I want to be the wife in the Berkha, but the problem is they're always investigating these people And they probably try to recruit them as informants It is something fucked up happens and and then they go and do something and then the feds like oh We didn't know who these guys are and then everyone's like no you did we told you well Well, it's it's crazy to me that he had five bombs in a bag Yeah, he did one in Jersey. He comes to New York

He puts one in a fucking thing and then he goes to 27th Street and there's five there's two more in there correct Yeah, oh one more one more in there Right one more and then they find more the next day this guy was all over the fucking place But how do you know he got the calls from like the higher up as opposed to this dude who just like I Know that right. I don't know that I said that I don't know that I said that the problem is this is a tip off by the head You know before the podcast I go what did you imagine that answer was good? I have an app look down Obama said that well, it's not as crazy as you're fucking theory that you just brought up

I had to read the true theory you have no that's a true theory. I mean the fact You know that I do how do you know that because it doesn't article in the New York Times It's had a lot of the people who you just say in New York Times that's no I'm not you don't listen to me. You're right. I'm there's an article in the New York Times It's that out of a lot of the people that convicted yeah, you know of terrorism or people that the FBI had some type of Previous relationship with they're trying to flesh him out try you know I we have people that go into these mosques and try to find out who's really gonna attack us So it's double agent. They try to use me.

They try to use my run and it do not work. I went into the mosque. I was like, I was throwing you off the top of the mosque. That is a true one. They saw all the KHs in my name. You will remember that no one can pronounce my name when I got here. That puts me very high on it. It's Mateo

Well, I'm just saying it you know, it's because it's a weird thing It's a weird world of like you know if you don't have a smoking gun you can't arrest somebody and then by the time they do something bad It's too late no Tim's also a detective if you didn't realize I am a detective a cover lot of you know I Do a lot of detective stuff you though you look at you should have a fucking gun under your armpit I might have a some hush puppies on it. Maybe we have Hushed the imprint when it got like a tan fucking sport coat with leather on the elbows. This sounds very hot And dog that's not yours, but that got fucking gifted I don't think a dog that's not yours, but that got fucking gifted to some dead guy, you know, but the point is Yeah, it's a it's a tough thing living in a

Open society you got a terrorism is a rough one. I like on the news when they were interviewing people the New Yorkers Responses were either like I didn't get hurt or this one They're like it was on it was in Chelsea's because I don't really know if that's Chelsea But fine for the sake of conversation I was like that's so New York that they don't even give a shit. I was watching something on the news about that back in the day, I don't know the years, but it was, there was bombs that went off all the time, so much so in this country that they would go off in a movie theater and people would just stay and watch the movie. Like, I don't, what is civil rights move back in the 60s

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, okay, where yeah, we're because we're flipping out. Oh my god bombs But this isn't the first time this is I do think it's what is in America time I mean, it's a different I think it's weird that everybody knew you are cuz trying to seem tough and cool like after it happened They were like, oh you pussy terrorists like you pussy and it's like like like you go miss like you pussy Terrorists like are we daring them to do a better job? It's like a weird. I don't think a Lewis Gomez. Did you just quote a Lewis go?

Well, no, I mean, this is no as a parameter for what people in the New York. Yeah, no, but as a Prime Minister, I'm the fucking guy. The prevailing sentiment was that people were like,

it's him really is bark. I made him. He's putting his chips in the wrong back. So prevailing. The prevailing sentiment was like, oh, we're tough and and fuck you and it's like okay But the next guy who does it the right way and kills a hundred people, you know, you know, it's I mean it's fucking crazy That it's common. It's not gonna be a tweet. It's like I'll show that Twitter person That's not what's gonna make someone like I walk down the fucking street with a Muslim beard and two suitcases and

Probably thought it was from Brooklyn, but we've gotten so relaxed. You can't profile. You can't you got it That's gonna cut a problem. I think people are You can't profile enough with that you can't look at a fucking guy an Arab dude with bags anymore and go whoa What the fuck because if you're, you look like an idiot. You look like a racist piece of shit. I think people have had enough with that. You think? Yeah, I mean, I think people have had enough. I think I think I think the fuck you're gonna fuck it up.

In the way the Trump is right now tied with Hillary Clinton. He's very possible. He is. He's very clever. He's a very clean manufacturer. But it's not manufacturing. If you talk to anyone, it's very clever, he's very manufactured, but it's not manufactured. If you talk to anyone, it's very possible. He's a president. I do think people that are... I don't want you to know that fucking

conversation. That's good science. I'm not saying I'm just saying that. Go back to the gay talk. This is the gay talk of all. What's your name again? The gay talk of all. Who are you?

The Ron. I think people have had enough with political correctness on that level where it's like you could be preventing somebody from getting hurt If you see something that is crazy and you know people What's crazy? Well, what's crazy? You see some some some some guy Middle Eastern got put to the huge bag the nice suitcase in a garbage that shouldn't be there Give me a scenario. Yeah, you walk it you walk another street you see an Arab guy with two cases

uh... what do i do i do i cross the street i don't know i mean i wouldn't even run up and make out with him and stop being a pussy about it you know sometimes you have to just grab that middle eastern her bias beautiful face and you stick your tongue in his mouth and you say i i accept you exactly as you are what are you doing that or you could late and see if they respond exactly or you just take your self and you're like

listen if I see a guy I'm telling you right now if I see an Arab guy on a Saturday night or Friday night walk around the village with a bunch of bags I don't give a fuck if he has kids, you know toys for kids. I'm gonna be like what the fuck I don't think the idea is why he's to be a problem why why because America is what 76th in terms of like economic disparity There's crime every yeah, but it doesn't matter You are much more like you would listen to me. Someone domestic Listen to me from your country then stop using stupid alpha. Don't I'm listening. I got headphones on stop what you fucking listen to me I just fucking talk I'll turn fucking asshole if you walk by that guy

Yeah, if you won't buy that guy carrying that bag. Don't wherever he was going. Yeah, you wouldn't even notice it There would be nothing for you. You're wrong. You're fucking wrong. Let me say he looked like he looked like I'm not Erb the any any Middle to be carrying a nice suit. I'm gonna. Why would you want to go ahead and it doesn't have to be an arrow guy When I'm walking it when I'm walking around the city at night now or even during the day and I see a fucking cocks I go with bags More than more than a backpack. I Right I give I I'm fucking wary of that shit I was in Boston when the bombs went off

i i saw the way they fucking did that weird shit i don't hang around with this crowd but to look at the sarni have brothers you wouldn't have thought that they look like you know yeah neither one of them was like beveiled or wearing a turtle also like there were no fucking tell so bobby it's hard to tell with so a lot of Arabs i mean there's Greeks and Sicilians who look Arab absolutely this mixed blood but i think the idea that it seems to with a lot of Arabs. I mean, there's Greeks and Sicilians who look Arab. Absolutely. I mean, this mixed blood. But I think the idea that it seems to be,

a lot of the terrorism seems to be emanating from Middle Eastern countries. The idea that you shouldn't profile young Middle Eastern men who seem to be doing this more than any other group, seems crazy. And if I see a Middle Eastern guy with a drop of bag and walk away, I'm running. If I see anybody drop a bag and walk away, but'm running that's did anybody drop a bag and walk away

But that's different, you know, you're talking about you're walking down the street You see some guy uses a middle Eastern guy you walking but if I okay Let's listen you see a guy sat in night on the West Village You see an abdu with a beard Walking up with a fucking pulling suit two suitcases up the street, right or a suitcase We had are you gonna? All right. He has a to me to me back right now okay now that we know that this has happened now right now okay this saturday night are you gonna just say fucking and what I'm not racist street you know I mean what are you gonna do I mean you I'm gonna I

got a kid in a fucking wife and you know I think you do have to trust because I don't think we're all Detectives. I think you do have to trust at the end of the day that you know, I don't know you just let you Maybe across the street, but you know, we're not the ones. They should be like at the end of the day I think that people in positions of power and hopefully they are are you know Cognizant and aware of what the problem is. So you think it's okay for them to profile? I mean, I think listen, at the end of the day, if you're profiling, you're going to be all day every day. We're hardly paying attention.

I have my headphones in. I don't know what people are doing around me. And it's too late. If somebody's dragging a bag down the street, at a certain point, it's almost too late, unless they're a complete idiot like this guy. But people in positions of power, 100 percent should be looking at who's committing crimes and then and then from that they extrapolate as to who they should be looking at all of that i i i think i think i used to who just tried to bomb like what was it one or two hundred

people i've busted and i look like everyone and i like i an l a i mean nobody nobody nobody see his problem when when you start criticizing terrorism everyone jumps in goes Hey, why people do bad things of course? No, no, I don't think it's a white country The majority of people that live here are white. I don't think anyone's disagreeing that there's there's a problem on all fields But I do right it's when you know it there is a sensation We like to sensationalize this idea of the other and an enemy so in other words

Oh, yeah, but there but I But there's also sometimes others and enemies. Like I don't think that's just agreeing with you. Yeah, obviously, but I'm saying, yeah, there was a white guy in LA who was a car full of bombs and guns who was coming to blow up, gay pride and had nothing to do with. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no one saying, don't profile either right wing terrorists

or anything like that. Nobody's saying those are. I don't profile you. I would want 100% profile you right I would not but I would not Pro-fuck if I if I was in the room I would not profile anybody in this room but I saw deep oh He's a little right I was carrying a huge box on the way here today If I saw a guy with a one of those beards on a saturday night carrying a fucking bunch of bags on the street

I'm sorry. I think it was a little nice bag in a garbage because that's illogical. Yes If you put a nice bag in a garbage, that's the suspicious act He's talking about just seeing the person with the back. Yeah, listen We all see people that we we assess as dangerous or more dangerous than other people 100% that's human nature. You're not going to stop doing that. That isn't going to impaget. I just say I saw an old Chinese woman in China town pull out a trash can, light it on fire and then just start throwing paper in the air.

Old Chinese people are terrified. I'm like, is the only air terrifying? I've never seen an old Chinese woman in a city. You can do whatever you want. I feel so. I feel so. She was like, I run this place. It was insane whatever you want. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don lot of people no one's perfect. I mean it. Whoa. That's a lot of people. What do you tell my stri-hand? It's try send it's gotta be Barbara. I think that there's there's you know that happens a lot of course I'm very excited that Brad Pitt And Angelina divorced because now you're gonna hit that off. Because now maybe she'll eat. Well, seriously. Now she looks just. What the fuck, and that was just such a perfect, oh my god, what an amazing life.

And now just to know that they had problems. That's correct. I love that. She wore her boyfriend's blood and a vile down the red carpet. Yeah, she has problems. I don't care how pretty you are. She's a slunatic. Her father, John Boyd, is a great guy.

I'm a white couple. I have a lunatic her father John voice a great guy I have a friend who was I have a friend who was worked on his house Yeah, I became like buddies with them. Yeah, Brad or John Brad Pitt work on Brad Pitt's house And he was saying how whenever like Brad who's just like kind of like the cool like guys guy and then when she would come around He would like kind of you know clam up and get like a little bit yeah like he turned like maybe she was like afraid of his wife a little bit you know what I mean she's a little liar. This is why the bombs will keep going off. What are you saying?

We're all talking about like how to survive and then it's like you're like I'm so happy that Brad and Angelina. Because it shows you that their life is a good... BOOM! I was like, we're getting the fuck out of here. I am exhausted. I am tired. I am fucking tired. You gays have worn me out.

I'm so attracted to everyone in this room right now. Wow. I'm only into depot, but what are you gonna do? You really like depot? I think he's good looking guy to things personality good looking guy He's First now he's for everything you were You want you want a good point he's got to sit with your parents

He's orange parents get killed because that's the only thing missing no unfortunately my parents are alive Forging leave for them all right. We're gonna go around the room. What do you get buddy? Oh? I don't even know Jewish yeah What are you gonna be an LA next week? I'm doing a bunch of shows. I'm an LA next week Oh with go Lisa Lisa and I are doing a bunch of shows together now. I'm not out there doing that But I'm be out there. Oh, we should all hang out. Yeah, we should get together.

Maybe you guys smoke cigars. No, I don't smoke cigars. Well, maybe we'll go to the improv next door, or something we'll meet up. I love Les, Les, Les, Les. Les, Les, Les. Yeah, that's good. All right, and what's your website?

What's your Twitter? What's going on? Follow me on Twitter at Mattelaine. Mattelaine, and then follow me on Instagram, same thing. It's all just me in naked pictures that um now I'm not following you because now you'll follow Stavros well I mean I would have followed you if you didn't tell me that now it seems like I'm following you because you said that oh they're not that naked now I'm definitely not following okay well all right I can't win haha all right All right, so yeah, follow him. What do you got there, sexy?

What's up, everybody? What is this? I'm Radio. I'm like in 1985. What's up, everybody? You can follow me on Facebook Instagram, Twitter, I am Justin Silver. You say Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, at I am Justin Silver.

I'll be performing all over the city. I want to be opening for you Bobby. At some point. Well, let me do that. I guess, you know, I guess Stavros on this tour right now. I know, after that tour, maybe. Yeah, maybe that'd be good. Okay, I'll be here after.

Yeah, man. So you don't fucking say, don't do that dog shit to me. I don't like that. Look at me, look at me. Listen, listen. I'm an alpha talkie to an alpha male, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, but I'm not, I'm a fucking little, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a lovable dude. Yeah, I I'm not I'm a fucking little I'm a I'm a lovable dude Yeah, I'm a level you can talk to me. You just go hey, I took my shirt off for you

I'm right over I took my guy naked for you everybody, you know come on. It's good to have you back It's good to be back. All right, tell me what do you got? I know Garest digital networks say it now. It's your opportunity. I didn't say anything You know your podcast is kicking ass. It's doing really good. I'm very happy. It's really, we have a lot of fun. Yeah, good, man. I want to come on, too.

Please, Tim Dylan's going to hell. It's on the guest digital network. And I can subscribe, rate, comment, whatever you want to do, review. And Tim J. Dylan on Twitter and Instagram and whatever. It's all good. Follow me on Facebook. Facebook, you kick an ass too.

Well, we'll see. We don't have good buddy. Come on. All right, what the fuck did you handle? I'm gonna see. We'll see. I'm sure. All right, thanks coming on, buddy.

Always thanks for having me. Always thanks for having me. What do you got, man? So on Twitter, it's Mayron X, MH, R-A-E-N-X. I know, I just feel like I sound so gay now. And then every Monday night, I have a really delicious show, free show at a bar call. I don't get you guys like the word delicious.

It is delicious, because it is a delicious show. It's great show. It's a great show. And it's a bar call, PINKS. We give everyone a buck who comes, because comedy has lost the war. And then my dear friend to my left, And it's a bar called Pink's and we give everyone a buck who comes because comedy is lost in the war and and And then my dear friend to my left. You're gonna tell you about our other picture, but I am so fucking sorry

I really I mean it's your fault too. You're personality is that of a fucking Just an asshole on a train. I mean, I'm just not gonna jump in over people, you know what I mean? Yeah, God forbid you do that. It's got the conversation. Fuckin' it. I mean, but I do, look man, it was hard for me to corral this fucking show. I mean, it I do look man, it was hard for me to corral this fucking show. I mean, I thought it was pleasant

It was an unbelievable show at the time. I had me here to help you. I feel like that was good, right? No, I would have No, you're great. No, but I would like to have you back on I love it Maybe come back on by yourself less gay And you know here what you have to say. Oh, you just like this though. If I'm gonna have you back on, you're gonna do the same thing. No, no, I'll talk. We're not once in a while.

No, I'll talk. You sure? Yeah, I'm positive. All right, you're not on the spectrum or something, right? No, we're all good. You good? You're good. I said, what's the...

I'm done. I'm sure. All social media at JNAG, tomorrow night I'm taping a access TV's got them coming for you. Yeah, that should be fun. A lot of fun, dude. Yeah, I tell you why that shows good.

There's no fucking you say whatever you want. Yeah, then that's why I think all comedy should be like that on TV. 100% because you can look at just go do you live with that by you. I'm a sense answer. It's beautiful for you tomorrow night. And then Thursday through Saturday I'll be at a comics moheek and some with a boss actually. Oh, I'm sorry. And then yeah, it'll be all right. And then October 21st paid her pain come check it out. It's a you'd look like you and Vos should have like your own like a club Like a member like a clean. What do you mean like ACE's wild or something in in in new Brunswick? Like just a member like a clean only mean like ace is wild or something in in in in New Brunswick

Like just a door with an ace on it and you got a knock and you come in times who is it It's loose come on in close What you guys have leather vest like a biker gang? Yeah, well not a bike again. I Just a gentleman's club for like you and Voss. That's it. It's two of us. She's BIP. She's, what?

It's the from fucking Bronx town. Yeah, I know. I told you, 21st Peter Payne, and I love to have all you guys on. Just, we have like a special guest and headliners on there. On your serious show. Yeah, not part of the competition. You won't get a pin here. You know, I tell you, I did not part of the competition I did

that comedy one-on-one and I love I had a good time it was funny but I felt terrible for the comics why I don't know because when I came up you went to a club and you hung out until you got a spot and then you did a spot and then you hung out until you got another one and then you did a spot and then you hung out until you got another one And then it became funnier and then you got to you know Tuesday night spot and then a Wednesday night spot and then a third and then you got funnier And then you got a Friday and you became a paid regular and you made a little money and then there Bum-Bum and it goes on and on and you kind of earn your way

With funny now it seems like you get a fucking do all kinds of weird shit as a as a young comedian to to make headwear bring her shows wasn't worth bad enough roast battle roast battling you have to do that you know you know now you get you know we did the comedy 101 where guys like me just fucking trash your ass you can also just be funny and get funny but no no no no he's talking about the point that they're in this mixture of people that are get electrocuted and be funny and get funny. But no, no, no, no. He's talking about the obvious. That's in this mixture of people that are get electrocuted and fucked with. There is somebody who is, the next ones are in there.

Yeah. You understand? But we never had to do that. But you guys had to do other things with Tom. What? You know, tell me what I had to do, Tim. I would imagine you guys had to do very tough things. The kid, you just say it's Christ. You know, you would imagine, listen,

I'm gonna tell you, we had to do tough things, but it was get in at a club. Yeah, a barking, all kind of, all kind of. Never did that, never barked. Checkdrops, we didn't exist. Barking didn't exist when we were, it was just making its head, but it was guys who really weren't that funny

We're barking right but guys like all of us guys Hung the fuck out until you got a spot. Yeah, and then you were funny. It's still just a beginner But there were less comments when you started out the truth now They're dude you're right. There's less comments less clubs less everything. Yeah, I mean I get it I mean look as long as the fucking cock suckers now I would never do it. Yeah as a comic if you said dude. We're gonna electrocute you if you're not funny I would go go fucking mother's so playful though. It's like do you know what I mean it is Electricity is genuinely humiliated

There's like a big fat and like a glitter jacket standing next to the big like how you feel a girl Yeah, I think it's changed. I get it, but I still wouldn't do it as a comic. Me. Personally. I'm not personally going to do it. Some will ask me if they can get on the show. Like there was things that, what would I be asked to do? Okay, I think the worst thing I did was tell a market for a show.

For a comedy club to get stage time. That was humiliating to me. That sucked. Cause I was there during the day, getting people to go in. I would have been great at it. Oh my God. But yeah, I was great.

I would have been great. How the fuck, your voice would have scared all the customers away. They would have, no, they would have understood. It would have been, you know, they would have came. 100%. You, I did Louis invade your soul. We used to be just, he was nice. He was nice. He was nice. I was very, very nice. 100% I did Lewis invade your soul

You know what go fuck you fucking gas digital Koksaka anyways, I don't know I don't know I don't want to come on But God bless you God bless you you guys. God bless you guys. Listen, what do you got, Deepu? On Twitter and Instagram, R2 Deepu, you know what we should do about. We should tell people when we're doing the show live next week, if you know, so that people who are listening can tune in then. That a clock?

I'll be back. Tunes and Anaclach. Tunes and Anaclach Eastern. Tunes and Anaclach last month, right? Live on YouTube and Facebook. Yes, I'll be back. Yeah. Next week? No, you will not be back.

Oh, okay. You will not back me. I'm banned. I'm banned. I don't really know what you're having to be back. What happened to you? Growth, 11%. 11% of it.

I'm out of it. 12%. 12% on itunes. Yeah, right. 11.9 to be actually. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, you learn in the wrong way. It will all crumble in there. He's even doing the J in his Twitter name. What is that? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican.

He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican.

He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican.

He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto. He's Puerto Rican. He's Puerto Rican Buddy. Great guy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm all right. Thank you. Andrew, I'm sorry. I thought it was a lot of crazy shit today. Yeah. So I apologize for, you know, I was going to see if you could jump in here and there. But maybe you come back on. Why don't you come back on again? Come on the after show. Oh, come on the after show. But come back on the show show. Uh, sometime hang out. Yeah, we'll do a fun fun you you will have Joe will do an all-male show with one gay that'd be great and you guys all right buddy

from yes digital I didn't say that he said you know what man I didn't say it what are you saying I'm what do you got there Lauren? Just at Lauren Cabaret on Twitter and Instagram. I would like to do if they want to subscribe Deepo. You can download the app on iOS or on Google Play. Robert Kelly's you know what do podcast app. And what do they get for that app? What do they get for that app? They get access to all of our extra content.

You got the premium episodes. Well, we got a show we got up there. We got the I'm getting the... You're going to send that to me. Well, it's on a hard drive. Okay. I think I have it in my bag. It's actually going up this week. The creeps of kids is going up this week. We're gonna put that. I think we might put the audio up and put the video behind the paywall and maybe give the audio away for nothing. Sure. So that we can give a little taste to it. And if you want to do that, it's a $199 a month.

We're doing more one-on-one interviews. We're doing more one-on-ones. We're doing the after show now. We're about to kick this whole network into another gear. A lot of things going on with other shows too. We've got a lot of announcements to make coming out. I'm very excited about on the network. And if you want to send anything to the studio,

how do they do that? Say that it's a 117 McDougall Street, 10012 Care of Robert County. And did you thank him for his shirt? Your shirt? No, yes, thank you. Oh, what a fucking, you're never gonna have a man in your life. Oh, never.

No, no, no, no, I think no. No, I don't want one I'm good. I'm solid. I would love it if you guys fucked no, she said I'm sorry. I wouldn't say I want to I just like you know, maybe take you out, you know You would take her out and fucking treat her right? I should I treat women incredibly well Yeah, I write Tony. I treat women. I'm gonna take her on a second Ruby foos. You're just gonna like. I treat women. We're gonna take her. On a second. We're gonna be fools. You're not just gonna like pop it like that. I'll plan something nice, but don't tell me.

I treat women, excuse me. Lower your energy a little bit, all right? I lead here. Wow. Wow. Jesus Christ, run for the hell's girl. Yeah, I'm gone. Jesus Christ.

No. I'm gonna do it right. You don't want to do it right. I do it right. You already did it wrong. You better do it right. I just just come to you like that. You want me to take you somewhere nice. Somewhere special. Somewhere nice. What's what? I do right. You already did. You better be right. That's just cool. You want me to take you somewhere nice somewhere special somewhere nice. What's

special? What's special? I'm gonna say the name. Listen, you gotta like let me I gotta lead you in and I swear it's a surprise. It's a surprise. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Surprise. I have to take you to a channel. I'm gonna have a nice time. Are you gonna put the leash around it? We're going to put the leash around it. The princess. No, I'm gonna have a nice time. Are you gonna put the leash around it? We're gonna have a princess. No, I'm gonna cheat you like a princess. Absolutely. That's true. Like a princess. I'm gonna treat you.

Some were special, some were nice. But when you go in a vrkish, you go. I'm not here. You're gonna be so hostile. What did you say, Patel? Is he gonna bring some peanut butter within? You know, to be so hostile. That's what I'm not here.

I know, but just relax a little bit. I don't like it. Just a little trust. Why you have trusted you? Why, Pat? Maybe a little trust, all right? It did it, it is. Listen, that guy was an anti-short.

I did it. I don't do that for us. I did it. I want to show you something different. What are you going to show it different? I'm going to show it different different. I want to show you something different. What are you going to show it different? I'm going to show it different side. See you got nothing. I'm not here in this yet.

Justin has nothing. Justin has nothing. Justin has nothing. Justin's been alpha male by a woman. This bitch is fucking straightening you out. No, she's a little bit... I don't hear a restaurant. I don't hear a plant surprise. You want to show her talent.

I don't hear a surprise. See, this is, she got that, you got masculine energy. That's the prop. You got a little bit of a... I got a problem. Check him out with our guys. It's kind of like... What is, you got too much controlling masculine energy.

You got to relax a little bit. I can't, I can't. Because you did it a bunch of assholes. That's the point you just said you dated a bunch of idiots Don't you listen to this your Italian blood. I like that. I'm telling her telling but like relax and let someone like you know I like a pun I guarantee I guarantee I'll go what's the name of the show and scub will go I don't know bullets over Broadway Like a pug will not be on a list Listen I'll pay for the date. I don't need you to pay for the date. Well, yeah, for me on me for your clock

So I don't like I need you to pay for the date my mother's lending me money. Where you go? Well, your mother me your mother will go Do a double date. I'll dress up like her Take me out put a little thought into it. I'm very Get to know her a little bit. We talk and I'm like she was she likes not find the right appropriate place I'll just fucking wait I'm gonna take you to place I take every other fucking chick is that we Here no no no you're gonna take you to play right

I have nice places, but you know I'll get to know you a little bit. Yeah, you are literally a fun. What do you Larry from three company? Oh my god? All right, we're gonna go guys the best fans Oh my god Listening to the YKWD podcast Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs shitty jobs Check out riotcats.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free.

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