Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Ancient Dishwashers

Episode Date: May 8, 2017

This Week on YKWD; Robert Kelly invites Comedian Guests Dan St. Germain, Yamaneika Saunders and Greg Stone! We pull up a clip of Patrice O'Neal and get into talking about controversial comedy topics. Dan and Greg get into a heated argument on whether or not Greg can run a School!? Yamaneika brings the heat and hints at a couple of unexpected rumors. Watch/Listen/Share/Enjoy Dudes!   RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Welcome to the Floodiest Podcast on the Planet Earth. This is going to be a caution to find. It's podcast, it's no rules. It's one of the mic-ass holes. I'm sure I've already sent you an error. Can I get a mic-o? No!

That was trying to keep it like a comic-ass. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and he happens. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's a tent no pop. He's out direction. I love doing it. Side to the coin.

I'm not the host. I'm not the host. I'm not the host. I'm not the host. I want to do anything. My podcast is popular. I might affect somebody's life. You never know.

It's Robert Kelly. So you know what to podcast on lightcast.com. What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? We're back.

You know what, dude? Every week consistently for fucking years. We're here on Tuesday. We'll use Sunday night and Monday morning to download a watch on YouTube because we're the mother fuckers. Well, you Sunday night, Monday morning to download a watch on YouTube because we're the motherfarkers.

Make sure you become a premium member. Don't be an asshole. Become a premium member. 199, sign up, get the app. You know what, Doug? Download it. Right, download it. We got, we got the fucking Adam AK, the assassin audio.

Yes. The audio assassin. I've been doing a KAs before anybody's been doing a Ks By the way, I'm just saying that there's a lot of fucking podcasts doing a K my Grapp report does the a KK I did a K monster voice a K. I did all these a K I love my Grapp reports podcast. It's one of my favorites, but I, you know, I've been doing the AKAs. We got an AK, the audio assassin, we got an AK, the fucking A cup. We got an AK Don Nott's. AK A cup. Don Nott's chest. Look, I got a great nipple.

I'm going with that. I'm gonna stick with my great nips. Yeah, so is it Ricky Martin. It's not. I don't wanna suck his fucking hairy Mexican tits. What? He's not my man. At least I don't hair my great nips. Yeah, so I'm Ricky Martin. It's not. I want suckers fucking Mary, Mexican tit. Yeah, I'm not. At least I don't hear my nips. Yeah, not yet. I saw her lady the other day.

Now you have to help me with this. I get it that you're a vegan. I get it that you're, you know, you don't, you, whatever the fucking belief system is. But she came in big girl, which I love big girls. Yeah, I have no problem. You, which I love big girls. Yeah. I have no problem. You're being a big girl. Yeah. Um, came into a story. I love it. She was a big, big girl, the bigger than me. That's a big girl. All right. We're laughing at you.

Shocked face. Um, big girl. And she had, uh, just long, wispy hair on her chest. Stop. I was eating miso soup at a Japanese little to go place. Try to be healthy. Try to keep it together. I'm just hungry, but I didn't want to eat too much. I didn't want to overeat. I didn't want to eat shit,

so I got a little miso soup. Was a black hair. And a seaweed salad. That was a white girl. No, was a black hair. Oh, black hair, sorry. Fucking racist, Bob Kelly. That was a white girl. No, was a black hair. Oh black hair. Sorry fucking racist Bob Kelly. No, it was a white girl. Can you believe it? Hi, is this your pen? No

So aggressive I'm a fucking pen. I'm a fucking aggressive. Yeah, and I have tone issues. We know we know I have Become a premium member download the app. You know what dude podcast app? You know what Robert Kelly's, you know what dude podcast app. There you go. Hit the button, join, boom. Do we get that audience that creeps your kids up? Rob's got it.

He's got to edit it. He will love it. Come on. They'll have it up. Rob's friends. I'm a promise in these premium members. Content. I'll ask him.

I got the new Go mixer from Roland because I wanna start doing video podcasts on my phone. Yeah. For on the Go, that's why it's called the Go mixer. Yeah. And Adam is helping me. Adam, the audio assassin, aka. Pfff.

And you love it when I use really like inside audio turns like field. I kept going where you're gonna use this I go yeah, I'm going to the field if you fucking say field woman. I'm going to fucking Syria next week to do some field reporting When he asked if you're gonna use it in the field God if he said field again, I'm gonna him with fucking one of norms. Yeah, you could lay these and that was on the phone Did we get fucking wack? I'm not gonna get my own people talking over me. Never mind the fucking guest Sam Vite you two twats are gonna fucking get so comfortable Anyways, what was that okay? So yeah, F. Haring wispy long

Like I mean years of growth. Yeah. Yeah, it looked like it was not patched up. It was like armpit hair. Like an Asian dude's armpit hair. You know what I mean? Yeah, like a pub. Yeah, it was a fucking, why do pubes not grow long? They do.

Yeah, but they stop. Yeah. They stop. It's not like a head hair. Yeah. Like genetics is just crazy. It's like somewhere in your body, it's said that's enough. Yeah. That's enough, bro.

See, I grow, I'm like full hairy from chin down, like covered. Are you really? Oh, yeah. I got a wax. I got a maintain. Oh, wow. God, why would you ever fucking tell anybody? I'm Italian. You have hearing any. I want. No, I don't. Do you have hair on your stomach?

Yes, I do. I gotta go never come here again. Where on your stomach? I got like a happy trail, but I wax it. What do you wax it with? A candle? Fucking beast. I lay I lay there and I just Right off of me Feels good. I remember I just put a reacon girl boss and she was so hot and I showed up for state number juice She opened the door yeah, she opened the door with the white bleach all over a mustache. Oh white bleach all over a mustache. Oh my God. The she'll be doing it. What, you all right?

She goes, I'm just bleaching. Oh, by the way, I'm sorry. I was like, okay, she took it off. I could not stop. The hair is still there. A lot of Spanish girls leave the hair. You go to Brazil, you know what they do? They don't shave their legs in Brazil.

They go on the beach, right on the beach, pull that up. On the beach, Brazilian girls bleaching their hair on the beach. They have growth, they'll bleach their hair right on the beach. And they leave this long-wispy hair, but you can't see it because their skin's so dark from the sun and they're the beautiful golden color

of the Brazilian girls skin. And then with white hair, you can't see it. You can't see it video do video and then Yeah, it's pretty amazing see it. It's a little porny. Can you see it? Is there any videos? No nothing? What's that one up top Brazilian prison? It was dressed like Dressed in bikinis film snorning cocaine'm clicking that. I want to see that. Presiding prejudice dressed in bikinis, film, snorning cocaine. Of course, I want to see that.

That's why I love the internet. You can literally just try to go get one thing and all of a sudden we're watching. Look at that. Nice. Look at those Brazil girls. Hit that play button. Stop messing around.

You can get big. Oh, make it big. You're making it big. You're making it big. You're making it big. Turn that down. All right, look at those. Oh make it big you're making it big you're making it big you're making it big That's a Brazil prison That sounds like have they just some regular clothes

It's money grow Look at that That's heaven to me right there really all right going there with a night stick in a water 20s Oh my oh my Oh my God. Oh my God. Look how pretty they are. Oh look at that. That was nice. What?

She jerking off? No, she's not jerking off. Yeah, they're tyling something out there. Do it all in something. Oh, they have no underwear on. Oh, there's the boss. Yeah, that's the boss. It's the madam.

That's the boss lady right there. She eating, oh my God. What is that? is that a penis? Oh, is it arm? I think they're telling out the code. That's what you're used to That's a size penis you're used to anything that looks like an army like is that a penis? Fucking you and your creepy boyfriend It's you. I can't see this anyways. Let's bring the guests up. We have a great show today We're gonna we got who do we go on today? We have Greg Stone love Greg Stone so funny I just saw him on the stoop downstairs looked a little serious on the phone

But yeah, yeah, I passed him by so I was like pretty full day out here and he was like, huh? It's like right in a minute Wait, I say what I just said twice It's a fucking working. I just, I wanted to keep my acting skill. Yeah, that was a little demonstration of how I'm a great actress. Yeah, we got it, relax. Okay.

UCB Lauren over here, AK, UCB. What else we got? We got Dan St. Germain, who's going up right now, and Yamannika St. Germainika. Yamannika's gonna be a little late. Who knew? Anyways, it's gonna be a great show what i love you change the logo up

all god i say change the logo up you know he does he changes the fucking logo up and it looks great was that you we did it together team work come on here i got the i got the best team in the world right now team work only problem with it is that someday it's gonna end. No, it's never gonna end We're gonna die together Bobby. You're never leaving my side I'll just we just we wind up making a lot of money and sell the show just somebody else and then and then I replace you I can't wait till I start to get like really like a little haggard looking you just trade me in immediately

I'm gonna trade you in hey How are you there we go and then some fucking dude? I have no idea who the fuck Little haggard looking you just trade me in immediately. I'm not a trade win. Hey How are you there we go and then some fucking dude? I have no idea who the fuck who's random people coming up through my studio Who the fuck is this guy? Hi, buddy? I got to make sure that this fucking I don't know who this person is How you doing? I can't just have you a guest. Oh, oh fucking let me know. I don't want to get murdered Have you would you watch the fucking news? Do you know Selena? A lot of people fucking just some random liberal guy who heard me say something on Nick DePaul's podcast for a laugh. Then he's up here taking me out. Hey, want to tell me when people come up to the studio? I would like to know as a

fan. Hi, how are you? Sorry, I just, you know, I went to therapy today, so I'm, so you're in a good place. Well, we, they unearthed the bad shit. I'll tell you, people say you go to therapy and you're supposed to be healthier, but what happens is, right, and then you get into it, and I was setting up an open wound,

and he sends me out into the fucking world. Yeah, all the pus comes out. Well, I'm not that bad. I'm not that bad. How are you? I'm great, man. Haven't you, we got a special guest coming on today. Yes.

Very special guest. I'm very excited about just a song on front of Ben's pizza. I was having a little pokey, not a bowl. You waited without me? How did you poke without me? Pub. I was dying.

Oh my god. How are you poke without me? Would you poke without me? I did a poke after. cock. I did the copy. Yes, we're good Poke after I had eat I went to boxing today. I went back to the gym. So my my I'm fucking my body even though I it should be eating its own fat for nine years. I should be able to I would survive an island for nine years with nothing just water. Just water. Nothing. And then I would still by nine years with nothing. Just water. Just water. Nothing. And then I would still, by nine years, you'd come on, I'd be in shape. You're like, well, Bobby, you look great. You

got abs. You look like Jesus, the Catholic one. Boudre, that's you, everybody. You just said abs. Okay, okay, okay, okay. We got Mianmanika is coming on. She's late. Yeah, I'm black. Kidding who said that? But we do have a special guest coming on today, but please bring up this video. Did you see the guy? I love that airlines now with technology everybody has a fucking phone. We're seeing what really happens in the air How fucking crazy? No, not that guy who Who's that guy? Man kicked off Delta Flight for using bathroom. No, I mean, there's so many fucking... Just people getting beat up.

The guy beat up a guy on a fucking plane. Just tight- I was about to say, these are like the white version of police brutality videos. The closest you're gonna get to a white guy and being a police brutality video. Yeah, just somebody... They took me from business class and put me in coach, you know, let's like this sir sir

It's a guy no fight on plane just type in fight on plane. I got a fucking do this There we go this guy. Oh my god right there first one bing watch two men get into violent fight on Japanese Stop right here before you make it big get fight on Japanese. I really love it. Violent. Yeah. Stop right here before you make it big, get it ready. I'm just gonna stretch. It's a problem with my t-shirts. You know, the Japanese, they hold this, all this emotion in.

So when it comes out, it's like, Well, it's not, see here, you gotta watch the video before you make your fucking statement of Japanese people. I know you're a political fucking guru, but listen, okay? And then you get the beard to fucking, Hey, I, I, I, I, you're a fucking Brooklyn., but listen, okay? And then you get the beard to fucking say, I hear you're working Brooklyn, I have something to say. Listen, all right, you're long-haired, hippie. It's too American guys, you fucking trash.

Are those the Japanese on here? See, that's a problem with people, they just read the headlines and make an opinion. So now you're fucking a woman blogger? Listen, that was a woman blogger, they would say, but kind of like a racial. We're ever right way grip on the Japanese. It would be rape.

Two men raped each other on the Japanese light. No, what happened was, is these two guys, this is funny though. Bring it back to the beginning please. I'd like to watch the whole video. Thanks. I love you. This guy, look, he's got his bows on. They're ready to go. He's got his fucking baseball because he's the douche. You know, that, first of all, that's his airplane outfit, which fucking bugs me. There's certain guys that have their

outfit on a plane. And that's his baseball. And honey, have you seen my flying hat? And are you all right? Are you dying? I was just kidding about allergies. Be sure it's not drugs. You're not gonna pull a fucking Mitch Heibberg. Are you, what's going on? I've been two years. You good?

I'll write in the bathroom, right inside there. So anyways, this guy is just putting a shit together, getting ready to fly. I don't know what happened before this. I think this guy, but I've had a guy, I pray for this to happen. I'm such a fucking psychopath. Yeah, yeah.

I want this to happen so bad to me. Yeah. I told my therapist, yes, especially on an airplane. I want somebody to film it. I told my therapist today, I would love for some fucking shedrool. Some douche who had a little too much booze

at the airport bar, whatever is fucking, some little fuck just to snap on me and it kind of attacked me a little on a plane. I would beat the fuck out of him. I would take out from my second father, from all the fucking, uh, Juvee J.L.s, from all the bullying that happened to me,

every fucking shitty cab driver, every fucking plan that was delayed and every time I was lied to, every passive-aggressive fucking face my wife ever gave me would come out on this cock suckers. I would not stop, because I could be in the right because you had packed me on a plane. I had a guy one time turn around

I was pushing the buttons on the screen and he goes mate, you wanna, you know, it's a push, yeah, I don't know where he's from. I'm just, I'm just throwing, he's Japanese actually. Yeah, it's not as funny when you go, don't push your butt on. I don't know, I don't know like an argument. yeah, it's not as funny when you go Oh, Don't push your butt I don't know like an argument.

Yeah, it's not funny. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, but I would love to just fucking have this happen. When I saw this video, I was like, oh my god, this makes me so happy. And the guy with the headphones, I hope he's in the right. This is the problem with these videos. You do make, like I'll totally take this guy's side and then I'll find out that he kicked the guy's baby.

You'll get the rest of the video and I'll make a statement and I'll find out that he kicked the guy's baby. Who's that? Tom Silletti. No, Tom Sillettietti i call them by accident uh... alright so here we go ready hang on one second

let me just get it so bad hang on second tom seletti everybody uh... tom i but i'll do by accident you're on my podcast you're on live right now do you is that okay you have to say that now to people You doing your podcast? Yeah, you're on live right now. Is that okay? You have to say that now to people. No, that's fine. Hi Tom, I just see you're milky back. This isn't a fucking business ball for you. You're under my dime now.

So don't fucking fish me. Don't kiss. Oh really? I'll fucking. I'll fucking. You can be with scopo. Oh my god. This shooting for one week and you're done.

Get back over here. I'll talk to you later. You getting, was it important? No, no're shooting for one week. You're done. Get back over here. All right, buddy. I'll talk to you later. All right. You getting, was it important? No, no, it was going back. I meant to call you this morning, but I'll then I show you a call.

So no worries. I'll get you all in. Well, this is great. We should do a segment called the Boringist Conversation. Someone from that office calls every episode. Let's talk over Tom Lauren. Just keep yapping Lauren. Lauren's all whipped up today.

She's talking. I think she wants to take over the podcast Wow, spunky she smells funky, but I'll talk to you later Have a day to come you always smell spunky All right, here we go ready Oh, look at you. Whoa, he made it. Yeah. But look what he does to that shirt. It's crazy.

Help me. Help me. You. Help me. Stop, stop, stop. He's going to kill you. He goes, I'll kill you. He goes, I'll kill you.

And then he throws a one knuckle punch. He literally goes, I'll kill you. And then he throws a one knuckle punch. He goes, I'll kill you. And he throws a knuckle. Yeah. Like, he's gonna get manughi. The dark beard and the white hair always look so fucking weird. Yeah, but dude, this is the problem with this guy too. He's got a ton of tattoos.

So he probably get tattoos. Yeah. He thinks he's in that world and he's really not. This guy over here with the bows and the hat, this guy probably played baseball in college. Basketball has a letterman. Probably a couple of kids, but still can fucking beat the shit out of somebody. He was throwing real punches. This guy wasn't throwing punches.

Bring it back to the beginning again. I want to see if we can see his eye this a little bit. This guy's getting ready, right? All right, hit the play. He just came out of nowhere. Like a stop. He came out of nowhere like a cat. Yeah. Right?

I mean, what the fuck? It was real speed. What could he have... What? What? That was a cat, look. Yeah. Where did he come from?

He gave him a seat in front of me. He was a crowed behind a radiator and then he jumped out Well, I'm a that guy if you would have hit him with that punch the guy would be dead watch what he does to his shirt Dude That move the point to the face to the fifth the punch the point the punch like Bruce Lee Yeah, it's impossible unless you're Bruce Lee, but look what he did do is you know that who I sure he got wherever he was Yeah, he was so psyched to bring that home look What look what he did to it watch play push play?

Yeah, these girls are really trying to stop it. Oh, wow. Oh, it's a fucking cape now. Yeah, I love it. He ripped his shirt. Look, yeah, they're really trying to stop him. Look at him. He's not even holding him. Poor flight attempt.

Yeah, I know. Japanese people are so docile. They're not supposed to do it. I mean, they're not supposed to even put your luggage in the thing for you because if they get hurt, they're not like covered or something. So I would imagine they're not allowed to help people break up fights. I don't know if that's true in Japan though. Oh, I don't know if it's true even here.

I just want to sit it. They... I know everything else to say. You're moving to country day country where you just do that Yeah, it's funny I would say whatever the fuck you want It really is, I want to be on the podcast I read it, we're on my website

I wrote it on my website and I read it and I'm referencing it It really is true that people just say shit And then people go, did you hear? I've done that so many times I was trying to break that, you were going to be cut to us on a flight like this weekend and be like, you know, my buddy. Yeah. They can't lift those things.

They're not even covered. How fucked up is that? And then he's on the, this guy's in a cab going to, you know, did you know you can? I didn't know. I didn't know. And then she's in a fucking Arobos class. They can't help you anymore because of the fight.

They can't even help you. And somehow it's going to become the old lady in McDonald's who burnt your pussy. Because that one thing, when that old lady burnt your pussy. Butterfly effect with just stupid people. Go ahead, watch this. Who watches this jab the guy throws. So it's great.

Are you brought over? Did you bring it to the beginning? No, here we go. Watch the jab. He comes back. The guy looks like this the beginning? No, here we go. Here we go. Watch the jab. He comes back. I was like this LA comic, Broughton Joe. It's cool. Like this.

Someone brought it. Stop right there. Someone brought up America, which was hilarious. I love that. Yeah. I think he brought up America. What is this America? Something. It's just great. I love that we're the fuck. This is what we are now.

Around the world. Yeah, just fucking people beating the shit out of each other on planes I mean that guy in that wine shirt couldn't look anymore American that is like a character of what you think a PI would dress like Yeah, my days terrible here comes again. Why what's this? He comes back. Oh, he comes run. Oh, that's exciting look at that. There's a baby right there That's what hurts my watch and that well here we go right there. That's what hurts my watch and that will here we go.

I'm back. Watch the jab. Stop. Stop. Go back. Just a little bit right with that. But you there's one fucking pussy. Stop. Guys get off this plane. Spont you shut the fuck up and man up and get up there and fucking block this guy. Yeah, guys Stop get off this plane. What is that? That's the exact opposite of Sam Jackson fucking The fuck is that guy go back? Oh Man he gets it

No, we just had to use her so hair., hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. No, we just had dudes where some hair. I think he's just hair. Stop right there. This guy, oh my god, I love the New York Post logo. That's the New York Post headline became a video. That was. That'd be a great podcast.

YKWD version of the New York FYI, right? That's down. But the guy filming, finally, hey guy, you finally put the camera down. But the guy filming finally, hey guy, you finally put the camera down. And I'll help somebody, hear him, hey, hey, hey, this is too much. Is that, was that in the air or when they were on the tarmac? I believe that was on the tarmac.

It sounded though like they were flying, didn't it? I don't know, it sounded like they were flying. The plane went down a little. I would have had a, if they were flying, I would have been fucking a little to put up a bit of a bit of flying i would have been fucking past upon the car mac well you have time to wait anyway that would be fun yeah i have a great yeah i would have i wouldn't even notice the problem that's money yeah yeah of course i think i here's a problem is there is a woman up front with a baby yeah to this

this violent guy where the i'm so scared every time, you might have to talk them up, Baba, every time I fly that I'm gonna get fucked with from TSA or whoever the fucking airport people are. Yeah, yeah. Right?

And where are they? Yeah. I would assume they'd have to be in the air. Yeah. Well, true, because that guy would be... I hang on one second. Can you not do that Lauren? We're actually doing a show Can you just go down and meet him sweetie? Did we start?

That's hilarious There she is hey could you oh the energy you're bringing in is great. Oh, that's That's that's fucking oh you look happy the airline video just arrived What the fuck what are you looking for? I'll try listen do this we're doing a show don't just come in and take over yeah, we're on For a clock now who hates you. Oh, you're all crazy. I love you. It's a fat girl black gorilla's here Jesus I love you. That fat, black gorillas here. I gotta make my little money. Baba, are you crazy?

There he is. Yamaniq is here. What's some fucking cheese? Paul prevents it. Yamaniq. Paul prevents it just walked in. We're gonna full fucking house today. You can show us what you take it.

Oh, come on. Wow, she just bullied you out of your ice water. You went in here. And therein lies where a fucking the white guy is in the world today. Oh, come on. Oh man, dude. She's just watching the forever feature.

I'm taking your water. I said, in reparations. And you went, oh, come on. You fucking powered. Where you can get the cops to kill me? Where are these police? Police. Clark soccer, you.

I don't know. Do this to me or your friends. Do this to me or your friends. You're a grown adult. He's a Cogsucker you You're a grown adult They know you Paul Pervenza Why Are you gonna be a Film now I just want to make sure I don't have any boogers and stuff I ran to you get her a Little I'm trying to work out. I'll try to lose weight You're sweating like a southern trial or this loser. Yes

You'll be sweating soon Yes, you come in with a lot of fucking Get me a sit-a-bay loss 200 pounds. I've got to get on top of it precious She lost 200 pounds. She's a supermodel now. Yeah, I was like there's nothing like being a supermodel No, compared to what she was Supermodel now yeah, I was like there's nothing like a supermodel. No compared to what she was Supermodel industry has changed Oh my god, thank you baby You can't just lose weight in the issue model. You'll bring her up. Please. What's your name again? Gabrielle

Is it Gabrielle? Sit-a-bay sit-a-bay bring her up now put now now put now yeah now not then You know what she looked like, impressions. I mean, she was running with fried chicken and I am. That movie man is fucking crazy. Like, I didn't watch it. I'm like, one more fucked up thing happens at the next. I won't watch that movie because of that.

It was too to fucking sad. It's too, it's too. It's so sad. I'm masturbating. But the end of it, you're like, when is the hurricane coming? You've been through everything. I'm sorry, what? I masturbated to it.

You did? Yeah. I love the abuse. I'm sorry, what? I masturbated to it. You did? Yeah, I love the abuse. You love the abuse? That's good. You're fucking dead close pins on your nipples. Had a frying panellist. Holy shit, she got them. Let me see, let me see, let me see.

Well, that one in black and white does not hurt that certain exaggeration. But where is she? But put it now, put like, recent. I said, it'll stop one second. Oh, stop one second. Wait, wait, some of those are over us. I said put it now. Don't fucking pass off what I said, stop one second. Oh, stop one second. Wait, some of those are Oprah. I said put it now.

Don't fucking pass off what I said. And then she does it, like, showing listens to black women. Well, I'm having a good day. I'm sweating the best one. Look at the. You can even come close to spell her name right. All right, you know, she didn't let stop. First of all, you look better than her now.

Okay, oh my god, with a sweat, even thank you. Well the sweat I like the sweat Click on a photo please let me see what she looks like she's doing it. Are you out of your mind? Not that one. That's a while go to this one up here with this right. Yes. Look at her She's got like a controlled spank. She wasn't able to wear a spank before. Baba. Are you out of your mind? No? cute What? She wasn't able to wear a spank before. Baba, are you out of your mind? No, she's cute. What? You guys, click on that photo. Your first of all, she's not proportionate.

You're proportionate. You know, she's also. Your boobies are the same size as everything else. Your booty, everything. You're very proportionate. You got a beautiful face. There's no way. You lose a little weight, that's fine,

but I think you're pretty like this. I, oh my God. I love it. Do you have, do you have health problems? Not really. No. I mean, I've got slub I do you I'm in my workout gear look at you big I wear this shit, you know, you know, hey Hey sit down. You know this is comedy podcast. Okay. I'm not fucking this is what is this Bill Maher?

I was a joke. You're fucking asshole. All right, come in you're on the phone. You're late. What's going on? Relax I was he it was cool. What does he make all water for I like cold water? I'm sweating up a storm. No, I already had one, so it's fun. I love that when you get a taxi turn into a Jewish lady from Long Island. I'm sweating up a storm. What does he need?

Cold water for. We broke. I'm so glad you came up. I told him this. He's going to Ben's pizza to get a slice of pizza. A slice of Sicilian pizza. Because it's the best Sicilian in town. Whatever, with the Sicilian.

I told him to get a grandma slice. I got a grandma slice. Because grandma, it's the best grandma slice in town. Ben's, it's the best grandma pizza. And you were absolutely correct. It's a fantastic slice of pizza. Oh my God. And from now on, instead of getting two slices of Sicilian,

I'm going to get a grandma and a Sicilian. Boom. It's your grandma. Grandma, you don't know Grandma Pizza. And I'm a big girl. Oh, and I don't know Grandma. Grandma Pizza. When I was your grandma.

It's, somebody else's grandma. That's going to be a great show. I love it. It's going to be like Green Room. It's going to be like Green Room all over kind of. I, I, I, I, Italian grandma. It's gonna be like green room all over kind of Italian grandma The I can smell it

It's coming pretty sure storm my face. Ah grandma pizza is the crust is flaky. It's more of a flaky type of crust like Very crunchy really Okay, I'll put the square like it's a square like aaky type of crust like a very crunchy, really fantastic. Okay. That's a word. But the square like it's a square like a salient. It's like Sicilian thinner than Sicilian. But that's saying like really great crunchy. Crunchy, not as hard crust.

Yeah. And the sauce is just amazing. It's the best. Ben's has the best grandma slice on the planet. Regular slice you go to Johns. We have you been to Prince Street. Have you had a Prince Street pizza? Listen, look.

Don't, because I will go throw down with this. I'll fucking do it. Not only I'll put it down, whoever has the best slice, I'm fucking slice or grandma slice. Well, I'm not 100% sure if the Prince Street is Sicilian or grandma. I think it's grandma, but I'm like 78%. All right, I will do that. And whoever wins, I get to suck the other ice cock a 78% I will do that and whoever wins I

I guess the suck the other icecock I'll suck my own I was I was thinking just free pizza yeah you guys took it to another level yeah I mean I'm trying to go I'm not in the bed how can I suck huh but would you put that all that against the it went to cock stuck in quick what determines what determines the name of the pizza the talk second quick. What determines what determines the name of the pizza? Ben, yeah. I'm going to get a weirdo of a shit. I think the gram,

a gram of the probably made that size of pizza with that certain dial. So when I went, when my grandma that used to make homemade pizza, it was a lot like that grandma pizza. It's a square pan, a lot of olive oil on. Yeah. So they actually mean fill, they mean preventzios grandma's pizza. That's what they're saying. I have no idea my grandma was involved in this industry. Are you Italian?

Yeah, Italian one. Italian. Just all straight up Italian. Straight up Italian. My God. Yes. You see as a little Jewish undertone. Well, I'm a comic.

Oh, you tried to make it as a comic back in the mind. From my generation. From my generation, if you were a comic, you were Jewish. Yeah, yeah, Jewish. Yeah. I speak, have you ever seen a show, the Green Room? No, I haven't. You've never seen a show.

Okay. Listen, I don't even watch television. And, you know, I don't call any of you. I don't call any of you. I don't call any of you. You don't have to stay. A lot of people didn't shit. No, you're a hero.

So many people didn't see it. I'm not a model. No, more people didn't see it and saw it. Well, people saw it. It's a great show. But your face is very very familiar to me I don't know how I know your face. I spend a lot of time at bends Maybe I'm always down at bends, but down at bends bending down at bends

I love I love you and I'm gonna fucking attack you all day the other day when we did that show together You was so amazing. I had to go but The other day when we did that show together, you were so amazing. I had to go, but I wanted to jump up on that stage and hug you. Oh, you fucking annihilate. You were. And we're gonna jerk each other off for a second. She went up on this. It was a, the title couldn't have been worse.

It was a benefit for the Greenwich Village Association of something. So you know, and it was all white people from Greenwich Village, who try to keep Greenwich trees and squirrels living in Greenwich Village. Generally, the patients are different. Those guys, you know what I mean? I like a little dirt on my streets.

I walk in, she's going on stage. She fucking annihilate. I had a good time there. They were fuck, she's killing them. And I was just going after Paul McEureo, which I was like, I'll do that. I mean, I'll fucking do that. And then they're like, no, you're going up next.

I was like, Liz, I got time, I got back. And she's like, you're going up next. So I had to go up after you, but you killed, everybody killed, it was a great crowd. It was a great crowd. They were really good. Let's bring up, I want to show you, this is one of my favorite episodes of your show.

Which I mean, here's the problem with this. With our political climate right now, comedians are the only honest people out there who aren't. If it's funny, it's funny. We tell it like it is. But you know, I believe that too. And that was a big part of the sort of, you know, ethos behind green room and all that too. When you come up with this show, what did I do? You know, it's an idea that I've always wanted to,

I always wanted to try and let people have some kind of experience that was like when I got into the world of comedy and I realized it's like when you take a dog to the dog park and all of a sudden it's like, my species, my species, my species my species my species Right, yeah, that's what getting into comedy was like for me, you know and and I always thought man if people could Experience comedy the way we experience it to be in around comedians that it's almost like a different way of being in the world Because we don't have to answer to anybody. We speak our minds. Whatever's wrong with us is the thing we ride

into the sunset. That's the thing that makes us different, makes us unique. We spend a lot of times thinking, reading, watching, and we just report back. And we don't judge each other most of the time. We don't judge each other for whatever it is you think. As long as it's funny. As long as it's funny, say it.

Yes. So what happens is people actually exchange ideas and opinions without watching every word they say. And I just think, and not having each other at the end of it. That's the other thing. Is that kid? You can say you can really lambast each other,

but there's still some loving about it. Like I want to hate somebody because they don't agree with you. Exactly, but like comics, you can, the key to being a good comic, I say, is everybody says being on the bus balls. It's not, it's being a take it. It's being a take a not a fucking hit. Someone slamming you and being able to fun go,

that's fucking funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's funny. Funny, funny, funny, trumps everything, right? Yeah, the people that don't laugh, who go, the, you're not funny. oh fuck, you're not funny. To me, you're not funny. You're just doing comedy. You learn how to write a joke

and the formula of what we do. But someone who can't take a joke, okay, whatever. But someone who takes a fucking hit and you cocksack at that was a good one. And come back or not, then you're funny to me. And to just speak your mind and not be afraid to speak your mind and not be afraid of other other people's opinions and what you have to say Take a good joke. What's up, baby? Yeah, they take a good joke

Yeah, you can sometimes people throw on a bad job and it's like, yeah, but here's a funny of course of course But if if someone says a bad joke, it's great that when you go that's stunk. That's what this is for I you know that this is my bomb bandanna So when we're on the show, if someone tries a shit joke and it bombs, I throw, you have to put it on your microphone so we know who's, but that's where that came from because we were on the show. And if someone says something fucking stupid,

you're like, ugh, I'm meeting, there's nothing better for a comedian to hear another comedian, throw a fucking dud right on the table. Just open it up. Just don't know about it, the watch on your friend bomb. Like, not in a situation where it's like, I got auditioned for all late nights. But something that's really gonna help their career,

it sucks, but you're just doing it, I got a show with no consequences. So when you know, when commission hanging out, we don't wanna hear about the great shows, you wanna hear when you sucked so bad that your life was destroyed. That's the shit that's entertaining. When we went downstairs, I know me and Keith used to say,

no, no, I'm just done with you before too. Like when somebody's bombing will all go downstairs and we'll get the crowd to hate the more, but one. Ooh. Oh. Oh, my God. How about this one? How about this one?

Just. Yeah. They did that to me so bad one night. I was fucking hollering on stage because these cattle this fucking crowd Stunk and they were going Norton and Keith were in the hall. We're going oh Everything I said was I saw one that he was like just end it. I was like oh Fuck you. I was like did them. I was I was flipping out. I go you're cattle They're in the hallway just making you move

And then they left so there was nobody in the hallway Sayin person we used to do with the improv way back in the day You'd hear that silence after something and there would be nothing funny to any of us than to hear Chico Marx from somewhere in the audience some comic Dude Chico Marx going hey, that's so funny That's a good joke. Yeah, that's a good joke. You know, Chico Marx is, yes, I do. Can I have the bandana? Yeah, sure.

What do you need it for? I just want to have integrity. Yeah. I will wear it. For what? You said my joke bombs. Which one? The early one about bending over a

bends I thought that was serious I thought you were revealing I'm gonna let you keep that bandana because that bomb that will act at whatever the scene you just created you see B that was fucking Circuit scene Look at me fuck you Serious moment You try to act like you see me Play this this is the clip this is who I'm telling you I will if you don't have if the show comes back and you're not fucking Yamanikon, you're nuts.

You're fucking nuts. Get in. With Obama in office. We love magic, man. We don't like talk a reality. That's why I never really fell for the whole thing. We like, man, that's why people think ancient dishwashers have predicted the end of the world in 2012, man.

I don't believe in that. Stop, ain't you stop. He end of the world in 2012, man. I don't believe in that. Stop, ancient stop. He just called the Mayan people, which are basically Mexicans, Guatemalans, everybody from South America, ancient dishwashers. If that's not the funniest thing ever, if that's not the funniest fucking quote for fucking Spanish people, I don't know what is. I would, if I was a Mexican comic,

I'd have ancient dishwasher t-shirts at the end of my life. How you fucking, Patrice? Let me tell you something. This is why I miss Patrice. This fucker said it, but he meant it. He's literally having an analytical conversation about how people are, and called me ancient dishwashers. Suck a dick man.

Every time I hear this fuck, I just, I'm not even a comic. Go ahead. This was it. The apocalyptic goofy little short dude. I don't believe in it. The apocalyptic. You feel this though?

I'm sure. You feel this. It's just like, ooh, cause I said ancient dishwashers. But let's be honest, that's some funny shit. But it, but predicted the end of the world. Bob, you got a fucking joke about us up about the end of the world, maybe? Oh, my God.

I'm a joke. Um, I dropped in, Rosanne. This is why he's fucking, this is what's great about this shit. As you know, Bob has jokes. Bob is really a freestyle fucking philosopher. He has a pin. He's a great guy. One of the nicest guys ever met.

But he does joke jokes. You know, he has that's his act. The tree's just cut his balls. We're on a fucking show in front of an audience on showtime. Yeah, yeah, you got one of your little jokies. The point where he stops Bob at one point, he goes, Bob, Bob, before you say anything, see if anything you say connects to anything anybody else here says. That's one of the reasons why

I put them both on the shows because I knew that Patrice doesn't like it if you're not going to be real. And if you're not going to be real and funny. That's right. But I also know Patrice knew Sagitt they toured together years ago. So I put them on the show together because Bob's an old friend of mine We go back to like the late 70s and and we're looking at your hair color We know right and and so I I said you know What can I do to make Bob like not be what he normally is and to actually really be Bob and I knew if he was on with Patrice The Patrice wouldn't let him yeah pull his shit And then we worked out perfectly within minutes

He's had him had him on tough crowd Patrice would come up and rip your notes up. Cause you got the night before you get all the topics and you'd have to write jokes. That was the deal. Patrice never wrote shit. He and I never saw Patrice of the notebook. I never saw him with a pen. I never saw him fucking go. That was a good one. Although, let me get you. Hey, remind, never. I think it treats his whole life as just thinking out loud.

I don't get it. It's like a fucking, it's a, yeah, he's a savant of this business. Man, of all the comics we've lost in the last handful of years, man, Patrice is one that breaks my heart the most. I think he's doing such, I think he would have taken everybody up a few notches. He would have been at the top. Yeah, with no cause. He was right on the verge of becoming the top right there, but whatever.

He's dead and that sucks. I hate talking about it because it's just like, really, that was bummed. Yeah, bummed. But, look at this guy in the background too. Who's that fucking? Where did you get this central casting? I'm sure but I look at this guy in the background too. Who's that fucking who? Where did you get this central casting? We want this to be multicultural kind of.

That's a woman, isn't it? No, in the background. I hate hope. I got into a little trouble at the airport because you know I have a whole issue with you guys. How's it going, second? When did Roseanne become fuckable? When the fuck did she go to the end? I got into a little trouble at the airport because you know I have a whole issue with you. Stop one second. When did Roseanne become fuckable? When the fuck?

She was in it. Yeah, but on the show Roseanne, no way I would ever fuck her. She actually looks really good right there. Yeah, yeah. She was corpio and she's got that mystique behind her. And she's coherent on this show. She is. She's her dressing like an earth science teacher when she got

She went to a lot of Berkinstoxes some shit like that. Yeah, yeah, like she figured it out when she moved to a wide Hibisque, you know, yeah, she's got great teeth. I love when I love when people who become famous get their new teeth You know what I mean? Tracy Morgan. Yeah, when Tracy got his teeth. he became like a J-more, got some teeth. Yeah, if you look, Jeremy McGuire, look at Jeremy, then you look at him and they're like, wow, those fucking teeth. That's when you know someone made it.

Oh no, now it's lip and junction. So you're getting that bad, right? Just get new fake teeth. No, they just get teeth, man. Yeah, Tracy Morgan's teeth were jacked up. And you get, not the top, most people can just get that top row and then you look at that bottom row you're like motherfucker. But it's fucking money in Hollywood. You ever see Sharknado?

Yes. Okay, hilarious, right? I thought it was hilarious. I love hilarious, right? Yeah. Do you see Sharknado too? Everybody looks like a cartoon caricature of what they look like in Sharknado one because they want some cash in it pockets because they made they made it all that surgery.

And it's the horrible. Yeah. My goals, you teeth. Yeah. Well, no, but the ones in the pocket because they made they made the old surgery and it's the horrible. Yeah, those you teeth. Yeah. Well, no, but the ones in the back. I'm gonna tell you, find the one of the worst fights I've ever seen with Patrice on Hill was here. A lot to choose from. No, no, this is the worst comedy seller. Yeah. Patrice never worked this club. You know that very rarely work this. No, sir, very rarely. He never worked it with never pass. No, he was passed.

Of course he was passed. But this is one of the reasons he never worked the club again because you got kicked out. I'll tell you what happened. He, and then when he could work, he was like, now I'm good. And he would come down every once in a while. But he, he found his own spots.

And he just because of this incident, he never really came back to the club. He, he was downst his me, Gerardo, Norton, Patrice O'Neill, Manny, the owner, Manny's wife, Ava, and S.D. sitting at the table, whatever, regular Saturday night. And we're all talking,

everybody's having conversations except Patrice. And you know, Patrice usually dominates conversation, so he doesn't like to not be, or maybe whatever he was, he was just not being talked to and At one point he goes Mani Now man is an older gentleman man from a time you know, he's not that guy. He's not you know and

I don't know maybe they weren't I don't know man. He fucking lost it He went you mother fucker fuck you You want to fuck you try to embarrass me in front everybody asking me a question like who the fuck do you think you are? What the fuck I'm just who's like whoa? Right but you're Patrice but to manny and we're all like, what the fuck just happened? And Patrice backs, he's trying to back, nah, I'm asking. He's a back down a lot, right? I'm trying to ask you, you know,

I was just wondering if those were you, you know, and he's like, you fucking, you're trying to embarrass me. Cause Patrice would embarrass people all the time at that table, fuck with people, maybe we don't know what happened. So I'm guessing those weren't Manny's teeth. I probably not, but we, I remember Patrice, Patrice wanted to believe in. He got kicked out. Then Norton gets kicked out for defending Patrice.

Over teeth. It was a fucking crazy situation. That's not. And then, and then we interrogated him. I don't even know what the, what the button is that he pushed about man he is teeth. I think psycho drama is going on with man he is teeth. I think psycho drama is going on. I'll tell you what I think I think because man he had such respect at that table because

he's the owner of all the ships and Patrice would fuck with a lot of people. And I think you're probably waiting for somebody maybe you know for him to disrespect a fuck with you. And he and maybe the teeth was a touchy subject. And man he was a you know look at man he's an older guy. He's not he's not one of us. He's an older guy. He's not one of us. He's not a comic. He's not a young book.

He owns the place. He's trying to host it. He's from an older generation where you don't disrespect people like that. And Patrice, you know, did it in that Patrice. Yo, yo, yo, yo. And we were trying to go, look man, he was just, that's Patrice.

He would never hurt you. He would never do it. And he was like, no, he tried. And it, but they know Patrice at all. If he knew Patrice was friends with him Then what was the problem? That's not that that's not the thing that I would go to if someone that I'm I respect Friends with I would instantly attack and go are you trying to embarrass me? That's something happen a man in that dentist chair

We were starting to lose that road trying but but it slowly started becoming ball-busting as the trees left. And then Norton said something, and then Norton got kicked out. It was off. Norton was like, I'm fucking fine. And then he left. He took off. I would have gotten kicked out too,

because after all that came down, I would have gone, man, is that your real hair? I just wore that, I wouldn't have been able to keep myself from. I'm pretty sure, I think it was proud though. I think there's a number of ways to disrespect somebody and ask them if those are their teeth. I asked you because your teeth are so straight,

they look perfect. I didn't think that they would be real. First of all, my teeth are way better than his. Yeah. Yeah, way better. Just sucks me about God, you know, you can't. What would you take as disrespect? I mean, I don't know.

I guess you feel it. You know, obviously if you know somebody, you can't talk more about it. I've been disrespected before. Okay, but if you say that, you can't deny what Manny did. If you say I feel it, that's what you think disrespected.

There's many felt it and was like, that's disrespecting me. Well, I mean, I can't, but I can't because here's what the thing is. Tell me the difference. I'm number one, there's no context for me. I'm nobody's disrespected. And I don't really know. I don't not the type't because here's what the thing is. Tell me the difference. I'm number one, there's no context for me. I'm nobody's disrespect. And I don't really, I don't matter type of person.

It's like, oh my mother fucking out. If I'm like that, I'm probably just having fun and playing up. But I wouldn't, I would never feel disrespected from a friend. And if I did, somebody that I knew and I thought was a friend, I would have a conversation with them on the side and not make this big scene.

What if a club owner did it to you? What if a club owner said something to you? When is that your hair, is that your way? I've had people ask me about my hair and all kinds of things. Would that bother you? If it was a certain club owner? I mean, it doesn't bother you,

but I'm also a type of person, my response, you might not like my response. You see? No, it doesn't bother me, but I'm also the type of person my response. You might not like my response. You see? No, I don't. So if you asked me about my hair, for example, I've had women ask me about it. I'm like, well, don't you know, every woman has fake hair now. All women are wearing it. It will white woman ask me about.

I don't understand how hair works. Why not? The white woman are wearing weaves too. And except you might not like my response, but I respond to you. You know, I just think that, listen, I've been talked to, I've been talked down to and disrespected the quote unquote, by a lot of people who are higher up. And I just move myself out of the situation.

I'm not in a business of fighting anybody in the business, but I do think that there are people who are higher up, who kind of talk to comics like any kind of fuck, how dare you say whatever? And it's like, why is it okay for Patrice to say and fun and you don't open your mouth about anybody else? But the minute he asked you one question, you're flipping out and zapping out.

But that's probably why I don't work this club. And I'll never be passing in, never be auditioned. Here's a comment, stop right there. Wait, wait, wait, wait, stop. Don't go there, because I know where you're going. I don't do it, don't do it. Don't do it, don't do it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no into it and it got deeper. Now some layers came out as I'm exactly. I still beg.

He doesn't have to disrespect. That conversation you said to me is nuts. Regardless of what I'm here and not. Let me ask you this. Wait a second. People get out of their bag to someone that they know is not worth listening. What you think was listening.

Don't fucking just yap over me. If I'm gonna say something, let me talk. Cause I'm gonna let you talk. Let me fucking talk. Okay. Yummy. Yummy. It does have something to do with it. And I absolutely does.

And I understand it, but you're taking the context of this fucking story, many overreacted, which we all know at the time. He overreacted. Everybody was like, man, you fucking went too far. Patrice, that's Patrice. Patrice was just asking you a question.

He wasn't trying to fucking, and he overreacted. And at the end of the story, that he apologized Patrice and worked it out, and he knew that he overreacted. Someone, sometimes people say shit to you, and you just snap. Yeah, but just fucking lose it. Why do you think Patrice asked that question? Because he was sitting there

Nobody was talking to him and he was trying to all the questions He was fucking with him. Yeah, but but no it's some level no Patrice was just looking at his teeth going to those real Because he was completely guileist. I really just all of a sudden I know but you wondered if man he's deep with real but because Patrice had to own the room You understand when Patrice was sitting there his questions He didn't just talk. He didn't just say. Yeah. Hey, how are you? Patrice didn't go. Hey, how was your day? Is your dog okay? He doesn't give a he would sit there and think his questions had this be something he wanted to know That's what I'm asking and he looked at man He's mouth as man he was talking and he saw his teeth and he was like, shit,

are those real? Are you man he a teeth real? That was it. And man he fucking lost it probably because they're not and they're whatever they were. And he probably felt it's a overreacted. But you gotta say, being insulting though, right? It's insulting, but I don't think it's a comment table. I mean I don't think it's insulting number one number two I want to know why you think it's okay to say that man he overreacted and then I say it there's some subtext to it No, because it's not all right. Let me tell you what that's number two. I've been read by three I've been read by Patrice Millions of times and never took it and he went hard in on me and I never was like mother fuck up. I'm a blah blah blah blah blah blah

Okay, that's the way I'm number one times and never took it and he went hard in on me and I never was like motherfucker blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah response that I have. But you said this is the problem. You said you said you said you said you said and that's the reason I'll probably never work this. I said because of the thing the series of things that I'm saying just now is probably why I'm not at this. Why are you explaining that? Why won't you ever work this? You asked me if I ever been disrespected by a club or is anybody above an up and up and up.

I mean, disrespect. Did you hear? I mean, I don't even like I don't know like this place for me to get into that. I don't know because I don't know that. If that's the case and I don't even like I don't even know like there's a place for me to get into that. I don't I don't know that if that's a case And I don't fucking know that okay, if there's some if there's a story that I don't know I can't be I can't make Form an opinion on that, but I know that we just talked about you the other day And I know that every time your your name comes up. It's like this. She's the funniest check around I'm sure but a lot of people say that and people say that about you and all of us. I'm not whatever.

The point that I was making was, if someone, if I feel disrespected or attacked, my instinct is not to go have a battle with them. Number one, because I'm a big black woman and I'm always gonna lose, right? Because people are gonna go, what did she do? Just like we're trying to decipher what Patrice did. Did he do it because of this?

What all this explanation of what he did, right? And I don't want to get involved in it because I'm always gonna lose. So I don't get in those situations. I take myself out of the situation instead of having a combative thing. Sometimes you can't get out of the situation and you have to respond to someone.

And the way that I may respond may not be the way you want to hear it, right? Because I'm not gonna go, yes sir, blah blah blah blah. I'm gonna tell you exactly how I feel. And then sometimes I'm not working places. That's how it goes. I think we all kind of have that one. So you're gonna have to defend ourselves.

What I'm getting from you right now, A, is that something happened, B, I don't know about it, and C, I don't have a see The sea is at the end of the day I adore you. I adore you. Are you gonna be fucking a yinja from long Island? I'm not gonna be yinja. I just I adore you too honey. I fucking adore you Wait, let's all have love and like we have the love and we have everything But there's a lot of everybody some people on Beaves that we don't know about Beaves.

Beaves, right? Beaves, Beaves. We're on Beaves. We can be, I love a Beave. I've always been there. I'm currently beef free. You have no Beaves. I'm not even in my diet.

I bought for you, you got a Weave. I'm a Weave, I'm Weave for. You got Weave, but no Beaves. I'm beef free. I love that we're all fucking working through this. And these two are just like, all right, I'm beef free. I love that I love that we're all fucking working through this and these two are just like all right The first time I will jiggle annoying. It's like this bitch bragging about being beef free Love beef I don't take away. I'll be perfect. You leave it on a fucking good one Stands that's comic timing right the worst part of this story is

I don't want to know what Patrice would have said next regardless of what man he's answer If man didn't go bananas on him I would have left to know where Patrice was going with that. All right, so let's reenact it right now you be Patrice I'll be manning I'll be a waiter who's You fucking mother fucker you try motherfucker! ¡You're trying to embarrass me! ¡You're trying to make me feel... ¡Way me feeling now! ¡Amen! ¡You're trying to embarrass me!

¡You're trying to make me feel... ¡No, I'm not a fucker! ¡Oh, do you think... ¡Fuck you! ¡Modos, do you think... ¡cones de película y un sincindia aventuras desesperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán, a partir de 19 euros. Volotea.

Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Like listen, you're Patrice, staying character. But let me just say, I don't know how to be saying characters to him, but I will say this. How you doing good? I know I was good, but here's the thing. You just keep yelling, that's all I have. I have been, I have been, listen, the undertone of it just to be more fair, right? Is people have said things that have stung me, right? They've said all kinds of things about my weight

and my skin color and all kinds of things. And then you internalize it and then you just get set up and you have a meltdown, right? But when I've had encounters with friends, like people I know I've thought, and we go too far, and I'm a person that sometimes can go too far in joking. You think?

No. A thousand percent. But then I see, when I see the pain in somebody's eye when I've gone too far, that's when I'll take a beat and try to readjust the situation. And then pull someone to the side and say, man, I'm sorry. I think that went too far. I shouldn't have done that.

Yeah, but I'm the king of that. That's my thing. You know, many times I've, I remember, at least me and him of course, call me all these names and I go, hope you lose a foot. He was like, Bobby, I just found out I had diabetes. I just told you that in confidence. I was like I mean that's my thing You know what I remember what's his name? Colin Quinto me he had a miscarriage and then we're outside and he goes yeah, she had a miscarriage

I go I know you told me and he goes what the fuck dude? a miscarriage. I go, I know, you told me. And he goes, what the fuck dude? I mean, I've done it. This is a long time ago, not recently. Okay. Why does that make it okay though? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But I don't, you know. I think, this is why comics were fucking great.

Because we can flip out, scream, yell, get mad, hate each other. And then somebody says something funny and it makes everybody laugh. And you fucking back into it again. Where these other people in the world, okay? You pick a side. And that's it. You ride a die on that side and screaming. The new breed of what? New breed of comics seem to be doing that now. I always have in conversations with people with their, the Louis joke on his new special.

He talks about abortion. And I was like, this is a great joke because the whole idea is that he understands why people would be, you know, why they would be against abortion. Like, he understands, that's a joke. He understands, he goes, yeah, you think that's murder. And then this girl I was talking to was just like,

I couldn't even listen to the joke. I couldn't even laugh. And I'm like, first off, it's a great joke too. You can't even understand where someone else is coming from. That's the shit that bothers me. I don't agree, but I understand. But she's fucking at nine abortions last month.

Well, you know, it's fucking a war. The war has been fucking her way through the village. You know, there's nine, nine, nine. She told her a lot. That's a lot. She, her prol-lapped uterus at this point. uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh...

uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... and you write a lot of young comics like I was really disappointed that Dave was coming to finish so my response to that was it was ironically in light of this conversation I said you know when I hear stuff like that I have to quote Patrice O'Neill who said look I'm not saying I'm proud of these things

that I feel or think I'm not saying I didn't wish I didn't feel or think there's a but I feel or think those things that's all I can say that's it you thought police you should be allowed to have your fucking thoughts. And okay, does it make me racist that I like you more than I know you're Italian now? But that's positive racism, that's okay. But here's the thing though,

back when Eddie Murphy did really, and that was a real guy, fat one. That was a different time. But he got shit. He got shit, yeah. Yeah, he got shit. Yeah, they were waiting as well. He got, he got, he got the fucking airport picket in him.

That's right. But the only thing they didn't have back then were cell phone videos, YouTube, the internet. So the hatred that they got back then, he never got it because he was cushioned from it, okay? And he didn't see it, maybe once in a while, he saw a couple of gay guys with signs saying fuck you in front of us, right?

But now that we have this internet and this technology, where we're being, it's just, those people always existed. They just didn't have a way to get to us. But now they speak for other people. They never, now it seems like they speaking for people, but it's just one person with a keyboard. It makes it seem like they have a way to get to us. But now they speak for other people. Now it seems like they're speaking for people, but it's just one person with a keyboard.

Right. It makes it seem like they have a thing. But it's just like a one-time thing. I mean, it was offended at the show. We liked a blog. Yes. And then the whole show was offended. I want to say I'm a little offended

that Louis started to dress up for a special now. One of my favorite things in the world. He did that about. He did his first special with a stain on his shirt. And I was like, that's comedy. But now he's fucking... Now he looks like, you know, Jesus Christ. I mean, he looks great.

Here's what I... This is what I think. Guess what I think. I think you should not get an abortion unless you need one. In which case, in which case, you better get one. I mean, seriously, if you need an abortion, you better get one. Don't fuck around. And hurry. That's not, I'm not getting an abortion that you need is like not taking a shit.

That's how bad that is. That's not taking a shit. That's what I think. I think abortion is exactly like taking a shit. I think it is 100% the exact same thing as taking a shit. Or it isn't. That's my favorite part. Or it. Or it isn't. That's my favorite part. Or it is or it isn't.

It's either taking a shit or it's killing a baby. It's fucking great. It's only one of those two things. It's no other things. So if you didn't like hearing that it's like taking a shit, you think it's killing a baby. That's the only other one you get to have. Which means you should be holding a sign in front of the police. People hate abortion protesters. They're so shrill and awful.

They think babies are being murdered! What are they supposed to be like? Yeah, I don't know, that's not cool. I don't want to be a dick about it though. I don't want to ruin their day and they murder several babies all the time. I don't think it's killing a baby. I don't.

I mean, it's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's 100% killing a baby, it is. It's totally killing a whole baby. Ah, ah, ah. What the fuck? But I think that women should be allowed to kill babies.

That's what I think. They should be allowed to kill babies. I just right. They should be allowed to kill babies. I just think it has to be one of the other. You don't like what people say, a portion should be legal, safe, and rare. Why rare if it should be legal? If it should be legal, it's shitting. If it should be rare, it's lardering babies.

That's funny. Yeah, that's a great deal. Last part was a little scary, but listen. I, I, probably another funny align to make women some, you know, feminists to get more people to get more people to blog about it. Yeah. Some fucking right wing do with a cross tattoo or crosses back. This is scary.

It really takes a psychological toll on you. I really think like every fucking time you open up and it's not like, and whether it's news events like, or whether it's like a police like or whether it's like a police shooting or whether it's a new thing to be offended about. It's like I've been reading this book, Nixon Land, which is great and it's all about like the factors that propelled into the print, the presidency and all that shit. But like things were just as fucked up then. But like now we're just reminded of it every two minutes. Yeah. And it's like on the surface right now,

my life is probably the best it ever has been. You. And it's like, on the surface right now, my life is probably the best it ever has been, you know what I mean? But the psychological dread that I feel like all the time is because there's this fucking internet sky god that lets us know, like sometimes you just need to not know the shit and just I don't want this war. And there are people who make a choice to not make a distinction between comedy and an

actual political speech. Yeah, just get like way. I just don't want to hear about it. I'm sorry, it makes me want to like, I stopped. I stopped looking at the news. I stopped watching all that shit. It's like when I stopped watching ESPN and given a fuck about sports because I was so Boston.

There was a part of my life where I read actually, you know, fucked the yang. And then I realized, what the fuck am I doing? I'm, this is all self, it's fabricated anger that I have for something that's not real, that doesn't affect my life, what the fuck's you doing? I've never gone into sports because like, rooting over, for one team or another, it was felt to me like rooting for Pepsi over Coke

or something. I tell you, I don't get it. I was with Luio and he put on a Yankees hat And he's from Boston. I was like the fuck you doing is like I need a hat Yeah, it's just a fucking hat. Yeah, yeah, my My ringtone is go cubs go because I love the song. I've never watched a baseball game my life I love the song. I've never watched a baseball game in my life. That's from New Jersey. That's true. That's true.

That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true.

That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true.

That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. You really I like it down. Yeah, you know sometimes it just and and and because I've been you know what it is I'm personally on stage have triggered at least seven white women this week and My act is triggering white women left and right now. What is what is the jokes only white? It's the various things. Yeah, it's only white women where they need to be hugged and held Just like hitting one with a brick

I don't hate white white brick. I hate white women. I don't hate white women. Well, I know. Imagine that's the joke. I think he's a boy. I think he's a boy. I'm a show where you need guy. You need grief counselors after your show.

I'm a nigga. There's one behind you. Shh. Here's a really white guy. Here's where my problem is with a lot of this opinion stuff and PC stuff. I'm one in, I get it and I understand it because I have, you know, being a black woman

I've had to deal with a lot of bullshit. Said to me, however they want to say it, do whatever. People get frustrated and go, stop, stop, stop barrage me with your bullshit and then I have to carry it. But now what's happened is, now you can't't say anything and then Common Sense goes out the window. Um, you get fatigued. It gets tiring because you don't know I just want to tell you what it is that I feel. And either you receive it or you don't. And now people are coming to shows and

they're coming with their little judgment cards and they're ticking off what they like. Like it's a buffet to put on. I like this, I like that. Instead of just receiving the whole comic. And that's the problem. But I think though, for me, if you're doing that, you're doing it right.

I think if there's people in the audience that are going, yeah, you're actually being as true to you as you could be if you're It happens even when you're not that kind of comic okay That's and that's not good for anybody. Yeah, well, it's not that good when Jerry Seinfeld says I don't work colleges anymore Because the two PC the least offensive comic on the planet is having trouble with this We've crossed some kind of where we We're in trouble, but comedy has changed because these kids that are coming up are being the people they see on these shows,

which is the cleanest, non-offensive, most fucking sterile comedy. They're not sterile, they just don't write jokes. Yeah, but they learned how to just write jokes. Right, right. Not the, I mean, I don't know. And it's, look at man, when you're just coming up and you're saying shit that is just a joke,

it has to have, I mean, to me, it has to have something behind it. Of course. I mean, some type of philosophy or thought or passion, I hate you to love. Or some racism. That's just a good, oh, that's a great joke.

Yeah, yeah. Who gives a fuck, a good feeling behind what are you saying? What are you saying? Like, what the fuck are you saying? Are you saying what the fuck you saying? No, I mean, what the fuck, no, I'm getting, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not,

I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, that he's basically saying to you, I don't know what to think anymore. Yeah, and that's exactly what we're all. He did both stop. He's a thing. He did both stop. I know what's that. I know what's that.

He's been trying to talk for 10 minutes and that's loud musk with yapping over. And he's a very subtle white guy with a beer. I got you, baby. This is my show. Thank you. And I want to hear. I got you. I got you.

I'm really well. No, I mean, I'm bouncing off what you said, but also temporary like it's good that more people are invited to the party now You know what I mean like it doesn't I comedy doesn't just need to be you know a back of the room club of guys Shitting on stuff, but like you know, it's good that we have new people coming to the party that it's more diverse now There's more women but on the same token now like you, you can fucking like a comic and not have to hate them because they say one thing that you don't like. Absolutely. We all have people in our lives like,

all my friends, there's one thing about them. I don't like, I still love them to death, you know? And it's now, it's like where it's come this thing like, we almost liked you, but you did this one thing. Yes. And people can't just take a person as a whole anymore. Yeah. There's also the thing about misplaced anger.

It's like, okay, so you drove my- What was that? What was that? That made me- Probably. What was it? That was you. Oh my god.

It was the water bottle. Look at that Michael over there. We'll touch that Michael. I'll just beat him to death. I like that. What the fuck is wrong with you? All of us joined together and beat him. I thought I liked you.

No, I hate you. And since chills up my spine, I thought it was somebody's back. Yeah, but I was looking at all of you, and I knew nobody did it, and I was like, where the fuck is that coming from? Now I'm thinking that Deepo's listening into some fucking Staten Island ferry. But here's the real frustrating thing about all of this stuff,

especially when it comes to comedians who are you know, I mean there's a certain Let's stop one second. Do you have I gotta go one second. Do you have a cassette phone? I do I don't like you on this go ahead The thing is okay, so you drive Michael Richards out of show business But you've accomplished absolutely nothing of any substance You know what I mean is like you can take all the offense you wanted a comedian's joke Well, how about doing something with the fucking System, you know what I mean? Like totally different I was using that as an extreme example. Okay, so you're gonna use him out there

You haven't changed the situation in America You need substance way whatsoever. That's what I mean is that all these people who are taking issue with jokes, are like, you know, they're doing something valuable. When really, Paul, you know, it's just a jerk off and it makes them think they've a call to something. And not, Paul, you can't, I hate when people,

and I'm gonna say this to you, I hate when they use the micro-richest thing. First of all, I'm gonna say something. All right, Bailey, you can use the Tracy Morgan thing. Okay, Tracy Morgan. Okay, but if you say that, you have to understand that he is still in the business, still sells out. But do you understand what you're saying?

My point is that my point is that you can rail all you want and you can charge great harm to Louis CK for doing that bit. Whatever the case may be, you've accomplished nothing of substance. Well, that's a good thing about the business. You never, people are gonna get upset but you're never gonna take down a comic that he's still got fame.

But is this not gonna take down a comic? The point is you're not changing it. If you care about race relations in America, then don't let the fucking justice department carry on the way it's carrying on. Take all that rage and anger against the climate. You think people are doing that? That's the thing.

People are not doing that. But don't you think that, don't you think that that, look, everything's changed. Comedy has changed because I think the answer question. Let me ask you an important question. And it's an impotent anger. But let me ask the question. Don't you think that it's something that we as comedians now have to accept

that this is the new norm? Shit, we have to go through. And I don't think that it's a bad place to be that we should actually care about all the human beings. And we should actually consider people who have been marginalized in the past. And I don't think that's a bad thing that we should have

to consider that but the point is if people think they're accomplishing something by going after an artist for doing something whatever when all the institutions are untouched by any of it you understand that if you go after somebody like a luizy k all the fucking eyes that you're a guy that i do get that you understand that

all that we wouldn't be talking about this. I do this. But it's still not going to make it. If that was Chris Scobo, we wouldn't be a fine. Come on. Come on. Yeah, but see that's the really bothia. I hope you get hit by a bus. No, that could happen. You know I'm me aside. That's a thing. The problem there though with what we're saying with all this stuff is it is gentleman captain serious Well, I felt like if I came in like this people would think I have a lot to say but I'm just gonna make sound

Whatever and I also meditated for this one in the right zone very way to Zen But the problem is with the infrastructure with the yeah, I use that word. I've been fit in on that word for finance Dan just woke up I use that word. I've been thinned on that word for finance. Dan just woke up. Yeah. With technology companies right now, everything is the only way,

is everyone's trying to have your time. They're trying to get your time. And the only way to get your time is really is fear. And so they go after these things that make you scared, make you like worry, make you this, and then it's grabbing it. And when all that's happening right now, it's the wild fucking west for these internet companies.

And once they find a safe place to be like, instead of being Facebook having to grab you we need your time and they all settle down We're gonna find a better place where it's all gonna go back But right now everything's in the fucking red because I want a blog Ah fucking this guy said that and it's like one idiot and then it gets past like Psychosis I think

And I will say I gotta we're gonna say goodbye to Paul buddy. Thanks for having me guys. Thanks for coming on. Thanks for coming up. I wish there was another chair. She looked like she had some shit to say too over there by the way. Yeah, thanks for coming up buddy. I love you to that. I hope the show comes back on. Thanks. Appreciate it.

You got to get these guys on. I can't go on because I'm not famous enough and I'm not having too famous. That's a new thing, I'm not famous. I'll see you later. Let's see what you're doing. Thanks for the tip on the grandma piece. Oh and Dan, before we said too, I have that's,

Residence resides with me so well. It's like how many people do I love because they have one piece of them that I love. And everything around them is like, they're fucking drug addicts, they're alcoholics, they're crazy, but then you see that sweet thing, it's like, well, I love that guy, but you know, they're surrounded.

Can I say something though, guys? That is, that's called, that's the way life is. Yes, that's not, that's not, that's not like, oh, we shouldn't be like, oh my God, that's, that's, yeah, my mother has fucking 20 things about her. My wife, this thing that she does, that make me want to fucking punch through sheet rock.

Yeah. Yeah, you'll be happier in everything if you accept that. I, you know, I was, I went to the planetarium by myself and San Fran over the weekend, which is, which is already, I wasn't San Fran, but it was like, was there really like a sad, it's like I'm a widower, but I went there and it's like, exhibit on fucking on comments

and like just collisions and all this shit. And I'm like, all the universes chaos. Like, everything we do here is chaos. Like, it's a miracle. It's almost hopeful that we were able to put together any function of society and that we're not just tearing each other a fucking part. Like, the natural order of things is just chaos and nothing working out but it's amazing

that anything does that plus time right because that plus time you will eventually have it that's why the universe exists is because it's been around so long that eventually this happened you know I mean and that's like we'll have so many societies until eventually they all fail and then one eventually will happen but you I mean okay now here's the thing is that we are being bombarded every day through Twitter Facebook snapchat I mean just videos now videos. I mean HD crystal clear audio videos of People just being fucking savages. I just the worst the most awful shit in the world Yeah, along with the greatest cutish kitten baby shit, we're being bombarded.

I mean, every day with everything from anywhere that could possibly happen around the world, we're getting to see it all the fucking time. And now it's direct because there's no more privacy on the internet so they can go right to what you're looking at and bring it back up to you. And there's companies that can find, look it. I ordered something off the internet.

The next thing I knew on my Facebook, those things were coming, videos of that shit was coming up. I watched one ISIS, seriously, you know what they, they dropped the bomb or the ISIS guy fucks up with the fucking Buzuka they have I see bluepers. Oh yeah they have I see where the shoot is up Oh you crazy really I gotta watch this. Well there's one guy picks up a gun He picks up a 50 cow and it jammed up and the bullet just went through his head

He was flip it and it went funk and he falls and then just another isis guy comes over grabs the gun and they shoot like this they have no Just over a wall because they don't want to be hit. They don't want to be fucking striped Yeah, cuz you know there's some fucking redneck at a thousand paces with a scope on Oh, yeah, okay, oh guys. Yeah, yeah Yeah, but now my feet is just jacked with that. It's just all this I know what they were doing in target and thing. Oh, I shouldn't say target because it's a brand Allegedly allegedly a target As you go down the aisles I

I'm sorry. Just was it you've been like totally unfiltered the whole time and then you're like, oh shit I don't want to fuck up my sponsorship And you're like, oh shit, I don't want to fuck up my sponsors. Yeah, that's the same a bitch that I am. I'm a slut. You're like the weirdest things to get a piece of your mouth. You know, because I had a conversation with my manager, I have to respect his wishes to be well. Who's your manager?

Rick Dorfman is my manager. I like Rick. Yeah, I love Rick. He's amazing. But they will, they watch you, the aisills that you go down and there's sensors. It's a whole thing. You can probably find it on the internet. It's a whole thing. They have sensors and they know if a woman is in the baby ills, they planned her whole pregnancy out by the time she's gotten in the ills.

Because now it's like, oh, she's going to have the baby, then she's going to need clothes, and she's going to need these things. So they start bombarding her and it's connected to even the tag that you have that's your coupon tag. So it's like now everything you get is gonna be that and it's gonna, it's this mass marketing to people to get them in. But here's the thing too, is my phone, I have an app on my phone.

You know those TVs and bars or airports where you can't hear it. Yeah. Or you know whatever. I have an app on my phone that I literally push a button. It scans the TV and then brings the audio through my phone. It's the greatest idea I've ever heard in my life. So I can just watch whatever TV I want to watch anywhere.

I can just hold my phone up to a boom and it comes through my headphones and I can watch it. No sound. This Bluetooth, that was back in 97. That's not Bluetooth with your lunatic. It is. This Bluetooth, that was back in 97. That's not Bluetooth, you have a lunatic. It is. Stop talking about like, if you... Look it, listen, stop being silly.

Let me say it. I'm gonna tell you, this app right here, Tunity. See that? So when you're in an airport, right? And the TV's on and there's no sound or like a sports park. Well, they have all the games on, but there's no sound

because they can't have five games on. I can walk up to the, the past game is over there, no sound. I can scan it on this tunity, scan the TV like this, tap scan like that. It scans the TV and then brings up, it brings up the audio through my fucking phone. Also put in marketing on crazy. You're not even listening. I'm a multi-tasking. I'm a black woman. I have to do it all after watch for the cops Make dinner laugh joke So the cops gonna do it for you. Why do you have to so I Come back yo look at you look how cute you become when you want to know I want to be a wife

I you know, but no my good. You can be a tough. You can be a tough wifey. Not be a loving wife. Will you be a loving wife? Yes. Really? Plus, I won't be home that much because I'll be on the road. So you'll be on the road when you come home, you're gonna sew? Yeah, I knit.

You knit? Yes. Next time bring your knitting in here so you can relax a little when you come in, you came in hot today. You know what, let me come back in two weeks and I'll bring my knitting stuff. Good, I want to have a couple weeks to go. What a hat, okay.

And yeah, I'm an eco-locked in. We ago. What a hat? And Yamanika walked in. We were all just like grainy, we're all just like getting ready for a session, being chill and she goes, oh, you motherfuckers are gonna act. Like I didn't just walk in here. You fucking lunatic. Have a moment.

Let people have a fucking normal human moment. You fucking monster. Like we don't wanna be on your level right now. We wanna have a fucking nice moment and prep out our fucking sets. So we don't bomb. We don't need to be on your level right now we want to have a fucking nice moment and prep out our fucking sets So we don't bomb we don't need to entertain the queen when she comes I did no one said anything he just called you a monster I love it. I love it. No, I need anything to say I'm all all in

I Really do come in hot today. I had a fucking settle you down. You know what I had a special and a special guest But he also was late. I was like what he was excited because I thought it was me billbirds and popper I'm about to get my second talking to of the show. You're gonna get your second one. Yeah, okay Here we go. Well number two. He wasn't on the show I saw him at Benz. I said come up and around whenever you're with your pizza. You're on the show You walk in fucking late. I am not and on your phone. No rolling We're rolling number one. I don't know

Star said 345. I thought for that phone say. What is that side? I don't like you saw said 345 I thought 4 that phone say what is that side? I know what's that side? It right what it says turn off your cell phone right you walked in hot I was I was hot no under the call you were hot. No, I wasn't hot on the I was actually in a good place I was just you this is your face when you walked in I Was not it was perception because I was actually I had a fucking roller roll of tape. I got tape. I had a great cut. I know I looked, I was looking for a charging spot. Yeah, but you don't walk in while the show's running.

Hey, I need a charger. Shut the fuck up. Sit the fuck down. You know what? And Lauren will come over and hook you up. I would you too, is that like if somebody is a little discomforted, the other person will notice it and then that'll make them more discomfort and then'll just be fucking it'll be just horrible.

It's something wrong. No, something's not wrong with the fuck's wrong with you. Fuck you. You know what? Honestly, and I'll say this because I'm being better in 2017. Shit, this last time on my channel. I apologize. I didn't apologize last time. You said you had to be better. I am't apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. I apologize. but it's been great. I've been offered it obviously by who my dick's out right now

I've been offered dick more now that I don't want it than when I did one it Your fly is a button You took my one-out-of-a. I, the fact that you took one reaction. I'm not, I'm not matter her for taking you water. No, I'm not matter you for being the queen that you are. What am I doing? You used to one like this. Yeah, oh, I like cold water.

I'm falling apart here. Yeah, yeah. No, don't let him take you down. Down, I'm down. You can't take me down. I don't know anything he did. He was there for me. Where am I going?

DeVito? I'm sorry. I knew you didn't know my name walking in. I'm sorry. You called her down. That was the only thing he did. He was there for me. Vito. Where am I going? De Vito? I'm sorry. I knew you didn't know my name, walking in. I'm sorry. You called me Guy. I love man. I love man.

This is my favorite time I've been on this world. Because everyone is such mental proud. Don't look at your phone. I'll make you five guesses. I'm going to show you right now. I'm going to show you right now why I said that. To get him on. He doesn't remember my name.

No, I'm not offended in any way. He's always been so nice. That's not it. I'm going to tell you why. I want to give he doesn't remember my name. I'm not a fan. He's always been so nice. That's not it. I'm going to tell you why I want to give you five guesses at my name. I'm going to say I'm going to tell you right now. Hey, listen, this is why. Ready? Look, where is it right here?

Okay, ready? He's an app that's a scan comedian's face. Today, Joe DeVito. Anthony. No, no, I know he is name. Joe DeVito fucking texted me on the no, I know he is named. Joe DeVito, fucking, it texted me on the thing today. He wants to come on. Who I'm a fan of, I like Joe DeVito.

And he's never been on the show. He's no Anthony DeVito. Oh, shut up. You think I'm Anthony DeVito? No, you're not. You're Greg Scum. I know you're Greg Scum. Buddy, I know you're Greg listen.

I know you name, I know Greg Scum. Of course, I love you. Last time you're on here, you gave me the best, one of the best shows I've ever had Was we here and fucking Davino was he to be the yeah the stance I want to remember it was unbelievable Oh, yeah, yeah, and so you understand this guy tweeted me today plus last time you want I just got I fucked up But I know you name of course I do I'm gonna biggest fans have been telling everybody about you You're the cocksucker. This is a this is a great episode

I love one when episodes just chaotic. The bomb and the kids. It really is. And you're just sitting over there and being judgemental. I just love that I'm not the fucking train wreck in the room. This time, this never happens.

It never happens. It's like being a pretty squirrel to DMV. Yeah. I love that Paul was actually just. That's, I'm sorry. I was laughing at what you said about Bill Burr. I love you're like special. Guess. Oh, I love Paul Dude, like to special guests. I was like, oh man, just fucking shapel or rock gonna be here You get announced Paul

Yamanika was like I was like I know this he I was fascinated by the he looks like he did like experimental theater in the 70s he left just in time because I felt like it was just about to get to and these Negroes need to really start doing their ways. It was going to get it was getting it was getting there. That was like a scene from fences Jesus

I read the play He just he just got you tried to be smarter than everybody in the room. I read You read the plate I did and jelly's last jam Those are the recent my favorite will Smith's own that I've reread Fuck where you this whole show just lay back in the car you guys are talking about like fucking Trusen coming I'll give you shit about that. I just want to be funny Yeah, it was very serious This one keeps you to be funny

What the fuck I don't give a fuck about I just want to get my shit done I'm sorry this motherfucker. It's true though Where is the we sometimes think too much about this shit what a reality like we just want to be lazy I mean the goal in life for me now is to have so much money that I don't even have to do this I'll fucking send Max to school go back to fuck the bed Of fat mollum Brando on an island motherfucker And then and then do a show once he once a month I do a $250,000 gig in a casino. How you guys doing you like and I have a slogan or something?

I was just an a Martin mole on a Nor McDonnell's podcast. It sounds like it's gonna be fun No, it is real fun, but he's got the best live man He's like an artist on top of being a stand-up. So you're just like sells his paintings. Oh, that's great God damn it. Does this decel paintings? Yeah, I paint something I paint Bobby you don't paint You paint are you crazy? I would like you at where you are on the mic now. That's where I should have you.

Oh! Oh, okay. But you need to come up a little further, Yoms. Oh, fucking. Something about you. I'd fucking tear you up. I'd give you that dick. At least make out with your-

No, wait. I'm sorry, is that true? You got married. That's what happened. See, you missed the boat. She did. But in another life. Anyway I'm sorry, that's what happened. I'm sorry, that's what happened. See, you missed the boat, but in another life. Anyway. We would have been the best couple.

Fight and argue and eat everywhere. Grease all of our lips. Blood, we be a, we be a great, imagine you and me like a sitcom. Oh my god, yes. Yeah, he could be the fucking creepy neighbor. My friend that I played video games with. I could just be the neighbor, you know.

He's your gay boss. I am what I am. What the fuck? I know, I tried. That's the merch he sell it to. I am what I am, shirts. We have Paul prevented to a guest spot on the show. We have seen about comedy, yes, huh, shit.

I didn't want to say anything. I didn't know that was him in the video. I looked over, I was like, oh my God, talk about age. Well, I'm just saying. She's the right. Yeah, you think he's the right. He's the right. You should see.

He's cute though, but like. You should see for trees. I'm sorry. Oh. Why? I actually think you age pretty well. I think he aged well too, but I mean it's night and day like that was the lights on This is like the lights are cutting off well. He probably died his hair

You know I talked to Tim Dylan about this the fucking end of the shit Tim Dylan You know Tim oh you know Tim Tim Wonderful can I joke around to? I would love to bury Tim. Yeah, I don't know. He's a small unknown comic. That motherfucker buried me on Bobby's I fucking open for me tries to attack me like oh, and how he fucking buries me He's like a Michael Skakele But yeah, he was done but the end of this is not pretty. That's what Tim was like.

You know what I mean? Like you see somebody who's like 60 or 70. It's like, yeah, yeah. The end of his late 40s. You got so excited about that, Joe. This cock, this cock sack is blotchy all day. It looks like he should be just a fucking epipan stuck in his head. He looks like if Ted Kennedy didn't survive the

car wrecked but kept living, you know. Come on, I love Tim. I love Tim's one of my best friends that come. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him.

I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love die if he doesn't stop eating duck fat. Listen if you follow Instagram it's this This is the best. Yeah, this is the best pasta Instagram. The suicide note, you know,

Tim have a salad you can't I mean even I'm trying You know what I mean the fucking I'm fucking I'm like pre pre diabetic because I'm eating like shit And it's like I gave up drugs booze cigarettes. I get fucking nothing and there's no fun join the club Yeah, you know what that's called being a comic in 2017 you got nothing no dick no sugar no carbs No fucking pizza no no alcohol no drugs. You know why because all the other comedy for us fucking died They fucking died and when we wait Now we all have to check ourselves and make sure that we don't lose a foot.

Nobody wants to pull a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, fucking betrace or a mitch. Nobody wants to do that shit. Not that we're anywhere near how funny those people are. But, I mean, if we died right now, you know what they did, the headlines would be on what? Laugh button? That would be it.

I was really, I was like, cause I was in a show it. I was really I was like because I was in a Whole post even car going a effect. Oh Jesus Christ So let me ask you a question when you knock all the shit out who yells at you? Nobody Fucking boss. That's why and you keep your shit together, okay? Cuz I'll jump over this fucking That's why and you keep your shit together, okay? Because I'll jump over this fucking table.

I'll jump mother fuck off. I love to see that. I'll fuck this jump over that fucking suck, the top of your lip right off. Get that pink tongue right in my mouth. Those fucking water buffaloes go in. I will spring this water on you. I just gotta find out what happened.

Are we done? What happened? We're still going. This podcast. What happened? It's happened. Are we done? It's a little brutal. We're still going. It's podcast. We're still going. What happened? It's psycho. Are we still going?

This is the time where I start to sing. My career is there. And I am telling you. You're a bit of white. I'm not going. Did we die? You're the best man. How much can you pay for?

Because maybe I should stop singing now. Can I ask you a question? Give me nice voice. Let me ask you a question. I mean, do you really, what are you, are you having a bad spot in your career? I mean, but can I say some, I have a bad spot in my career. I mean, where do you, are you happy in your career?

Are you, is anybody happy? Is anybody ever happy except for five comedians? Yeah. But that's the thing that keeps us moving. I mean, we, I'm, I've had some successes except for five comedians. But that's the thing that keeps us moving. I mean, I've had some successes, and I've had a good year so far. God willing, it'll be an amazing life.

But part of it is we have to keep living and be in touch so that we can speak the truth. Look, we're fucking all broken. Sorry, we're all just broken. We're all fucking broken. We're all broken toys. Yeah, we're fucking all broken. Sorry, I'm all just broken. We're all fucking broken. So we're all broken toys. Yeah, we're trying, you know, and it's like, you see someone get something and you think that maybe they're fixed or better than you or they have something

you don't have. Maybe that's true. Maybe there's an inner circle of people that get there and we all just fucking go up and down in between there, like fucking goldfish. I don't know. We're all gonna fucking die. We're all gonna die and no one's gonna remember any of us over the course of time. Do I want to be famous? I'm talking Louis famous. I'm talking that rich, that famous, that much responsibility. I

don't know. I think I could do good with it in the weird way. I know that's on this goes on really arrogant. But do you want it? I don't know. I think I could do good with it in the weird way. I know that's on this goes on really arrogant, but do you want it? I don't know. I'd like to be that respected, but I don't know if I can be that recognizable on the street. What about you? A thousand percent. Wow. What about you? No. A hundred percent, no.

A hundred percent, no. Wow. I would love to, there's a couple things I really like in my career still, but I would love like, I, I think perfect things like, do you want it? Do you want it? Oh, no, I won't work, guys. We, it's like, I would want to cut the, like, the pictures of your head just surrounding you.

I mean to be fair, to be fair, Dan was still talking about how he didn't want it. Yeah, I think perfect. I, there's certain things I want for sure and I'm like, I get fucking pissed off and resentful and I think it deserves it. But like the perfect amount of famous is like, I'd love to have a war in Zeevon famous. You're never, you're never gonna be Bob Dylan or Bruce Springsteak. We got some good songs man. Yeah. Fuck thing.

Just having that amount of people that know you to come and listen to your words. That would be good. That would be good to not entertain fucking back the way. Nobody wants the fame. Nobody wants the bother with people like that. But we'll, we'll, that comedy, Jim Cervical made the comparison to comedy to jazz. Yeah. We're very similar because we make the same amount of money.

We work the same style of clubs. And you know, you never, you never bond jovy. You're never, you know, Rihanna, you never, you know, the big Kanye West, but you're respected. You're holy shit. And you make a good living, you make money, but you're not, you're not, you're not, it's not like you're fucking have fuck you money. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you can open school. Like, yeah, you know they may but you can open school like that's the thing I you can open school. I know it's got some real lame But I think you're louis you create jobs you can fucking open a school for somebody you can change shit

You can really do that because white Oh, yeah, no way we have to We fucking us my dad said the same show five years ago Yeah, I think I'm gonna open a school like we've trained to become comedians There's people who trained to know how to open schools. We would fucking ruin a school. No, but you yeah I'm not gonna I'm not gonna be like I'm gonna give the guy who knows how to open a school I'm under-qualified for everything but this we have no fucking idea what we're doing. What are you gonna open a school? Grace absolutely fucking

Fuck you. You're gonna like poison themselves. I'm not gonna be the guy running the school you're fucking bust in front of the school your face, give me a break no, I don't want my face there but you can, I grew up fucking dirt poor I would love to change those give money to an institution that's already there I wouldn't do that

you're just like, you're talking about over in the whole way you're talking about being the next Oprah I mean Oprah, I want a break you just created a narrative. You created fake news. No, but I would like to have like you see when Louie takes me on a role.

I want to create the dance St. Germain Center for the Arts that I want to do. It's just going to be 16 year old Polish girls who I immigrate into their country. No, but I'm just saying with that kind of money you can change shit and that would be cool. That would be cool to fucking change shit. But that's aside the only thing that I would want with that kind of money you can change shit and that would be cool That would be cool to fucking change shit But that's aside the only thing that I would want with that kind of thing

I hate what people say That they want to change things It's like I want to be some principal Straightening kids out coming to my office I'm not doing this Imagine you dancing in a Dishikki with all these athletes, cool children around you Can that text books? First of all, leave African children's room.

I hate when people say that they want to do something for the greater good because of reality is we want to do it for ourselves. You have no interest in opening up a school. White children are not suffering enough for you to have to open up a fucking school. What are you talking about? White children, and where did you get any of that from?

Where did you get any of that from? Who were you opening a school for? This five cameras. I don't, I don't really get into this. I literally have five cameras and I'm using my phone. Because I want to watch this later. Well, in my phone, yes, you'll be called people who are unqualified to have an opinion. Yeah, it is.

It's called, you know what, dude? I'm very qualified to have an opinion on something. Listen, I tend to, listen, know, I love your right what sounds lame, but Danny You cut up, but you cut up in a school now that's the thing okay $50 why don't you get it? Know your name you cut it hilarious. I knew your name, huh? You call that he said guy no, No, I do that to everybody. From Boston, that's what we do. Cap and Ace. You know, what you're gonna do? Hey, fucking Greggy Stone. Hey, what's up?

Oh, no, I know, I know. Anyways, I tend to agree with him and I agree with a little bit of you too, because I know, look it. Yeah. I would love to help. I tried to, I'll tell you this, I tried to help. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A couple of years ago, I did a, you know what, dude, toy drive. I tried to help. I tried to, I'll tell you this, I tried to help. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A couple of years ago I did a, you know what, dude, toy drive. I tried to help, but I just didn't want to do kids. Toys for Scopo. I didn't want to do kids, I want to do kids in foster care. And I wanted to do juvenile delinquents from a place that I used to go. I was in and I worked at and I,

my fans are fucking awesome. They donated thousands of fucking toys and I mean great. And the one thing I said is I go look, nobody has a problem buying a little stuffed animal, something for a little kid. It's the teenage boys that don't get shit. So I needed socks and hoodies and a video game and Xbox and all this stuff. And they fucking, I mean pull through. They were great. And I got all this stuff for these people and you know what happened? I wound up, you know, I wound up going to the fucking place and it wasn't the place I was.

It actually was just a lock up. Yeah. And I was in it. It was like open door setting and they were trying to do something. Right. And you have all the intentions in the world, but things, you know, unforeseen governmental horse shit is not going to allow you to be that nighting shining armor. You can't just make $10 million or it would cost probably $100 million to have a school by the way. I just said school by the way. I know, but school is over $100 million.

You understand what I'm saying? You didn't just say school school team from somewhere. Because I live in beer the Frank Sinatra school in the story. Well Frank did it. Yeah, that's the story. It's 20 Bennett or something. I live right in there. And they have a course in disrespecting cocktail waiters.

Yeah. Yeah. You can't. That's what I'm saying. Ha. How to hit a Jew. Yeah. You can't.

I'm just doing what he's saying. It's like, dude, he's one of the good ones. You make your first fucking couple of million dollars. You know what you're doing? You're gonna buy a house. You're gonna get a car. You're gonna get a vacation home. You're gonna put some money in the fucking stock market you don't worry about your future not other people's future

you're gonna worry about you now you get yeah but you're not gonna you have no choice because you can't help anybody with fucking course you the nurse has to help but you just sell the time to hurt you still the time you get a million dollars you're a thousand air because you spend one buck you ain't a million dollar you ain't a millionaire, so you need Ten million dollars twenty million dollars just to live the rest of your life as a millionaire Because you spend any of that shit on some fucked up shit about a plane. Yeah, you ain't a millionaire I don't need to be a millionaire. I'm actually afraid of having that kind of money I think gave me that money. I'd love to get rid of it

Yeah, but you you're just saying the money your school thing stinks School thing when your kid is in my the Greg school For kids idiot who dropped out of the hospital school That's already proof he can open a school. He didn't even know He didn't even say medical school Hospital school, but he's saying that he's just gonna he's gonna make whatever money he makes But he's saying that he's just gonna make whatever money he makes. Even if he's gonna hit, if you're gonna hit sitcom on NBC. When you go to courtroom school, you mean law school?

You're gonna get the fuck you talking about. There's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no You can't your school thing stinks and you go call down by fucking by fucking grizzly out of yeah I'm creating this fucking school watch you fucking idiots. I'm a great school Open had to close her school dad cuz they was well my lesson to kids left and right up there Yeah, I'm not gonna feel like they were trying to create her dad experience No, you're not gonna get me tired. They went no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Everybody's got the god Fuck her but you know, I ready now. I fuck her. I want to be on green leaf I Thousand two news Hey, what's that? I see this dance actually backing off

I really Hang on a second. I see this Dan's actually backing off. So I think I'm gonna back off. Oprah, I apologize. I really love your network. And Yamanika, I love Yamanika. You know what I mean? I love a bunch of Yamanikas. It is funny when she's in the interview by Oprah. You could see like genuine fear in his eyes. It's the time when he was like talking about the bit.

He was doing with her. I'm not gonna ass, I give money to charity every year. Her things are not. I do. I, he does. But I volunteer, I do all that shit. I just know that if I set something up, it would probably completely fall to shit. I said something that I set something up and it did fall to

shit because it wasn't what I wanted it to be. Yeah. I look, I gave this, I'll'll tell you what I came to this place with all this great shit on Xbox games Yeah, troll hoodies for every I mean hats gloves all this awesome shit and I pulled up to this thing And I and they were like hey, thank you so much so much. And it was two staff members that met me. And I went in and I dropped it off and I can't meet the kids.

I can't really talk to the kids that juvenile delinquents. And they were like, okay, thank you very much. And I left. It all took around eight minutes. Months of raising shit, months of fun. And then the other toys that I gave away, I gave away to a thing down at the toys.

Pier one, and there was like, I felt bad. There was like a bunch of kids in wheelchairs. They were disabled foster kids, and there were great kids, but it was like, I, look, I don't, how do you say this? I would love to help people, okay? But I wanna help kids like who, who I were, a foster care system. Kids like me, and then all of a sudden,

I'm here with disabled kids, I felt terrible. But you don't like them? All right, but something I don't like them, it was just like, okay, I don't have, I don't have the in me to represent all these kids. The loipop girl and they got their own shit don't let them make it That was a lot. Let me tell I walked in a lot of stuff for the thousands of thousands of choices Yeah, so you're not gonna make a school with that being said all this being said halfway through my first sentence What I was trying to get at was with that much money you create jobs you create shit

Look it like Louis brought list on the road list. I made $50,000 just for being brought on the road So there is something to that being able to create shit and give people a Somebody who you know is funny to open for them. That's not like opening up a school It's the one on one school you know me teaching this guy Come off you come off a little grandiose This is a different situation. It's the one on one school. You know, it's me teaching this guy. You can't look up. You come off, you come off a little grandiose. I was, well, I've been screamed at the whole time and I can't get my thoughts together.

Well, because she's like, I just wanna be famous. I want the money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Let me be clear. I don't think I'll have to worry. I The the the amount of people that will come out to you if you are famous for you to spread your gospel is what I like to have that amount of people I'm not interested in fame I'm interested in enough money to take care of myself until I get out of here as everybody should be I don't have any children. How am I gonna live? Who's gonna have to get nursing care? You know what I mean? I'm maybe have dementia or something in my 90s. So I need to pay for that.

What is your problem? No, I'm agreeing. I just, I think, I let shit all the time. Yeah, but it's worse though. I have a kid. I have a wife. And someday one of us is going to be gone. And someday both of us are going to be gone.

And on the way out, it's going to be fucking tough. And that kid, my kid's going to have to deal with that, which is bird and ass shit. And I don't wanna do that to my kid. I don't want my kid to have five years of fucking going to dad's house and pleading to shit. And my kid doesn't have another kid. So anyway, you slice it. Whether you're alone, or you have a wife and a family, it all fucking sucks at the end. The one positive of that though, like you're dying for a long time

and you're kid has to clean your shit out and stuff. Like what I've thought about this is like, then they're more ready for you to go when you die. They're like less devastated. So they're like, all right, well, I've been seeing, I've released, they want gradual, which is really depressing to think about too. But there's nothing worse.

The worst thing that I fucking see is like, when you go to a department store or something and you see like a couple in their 60s or 70s, taking care of like their severely handicapped kid and they're like 30s, you're like, what's gonna happen to this kid? These people never got a chance to retire. This is like, like life is fucking brutal.

Yeah, but it's I think it all becomes brutal at one point. Yeah, it does. Unless you, unless you grab your chest in the middle of the night and go the fuck out Then it's okay, but I mean Look in the middle of the night if I'm 80 and I just go that's good 80s young but if that for me I I don't wanna be a burden on anybody, but that's why, I mean, look, as corny it is, you have to enjoy every second of where you're at. Of course.

Not to be juicy, but there's just great French movie, Barberian invasions, but like, the end of it, the guy just like does a shitload of heroin and has his family surround him and say goodbye. I mean, that would be the best way to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never met anybody more doucheier. All right, listen, we're gonna wrap this up. You guys, I had fucking love Danny Davido. Who am I? I would love to know who I am in your head.

You're Yamanika, baby. You know that. I'll be back in two weeks with my knitting. I will knit while I'm here. Come back in two weeks with my knitting. I will knit while I'm here. You come back in two weeks. When you come in, get off your fucking phone and have a smile on your face. I bet he's like Michael Lawrence. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Thank you for having me. Thank you for coming on, Danny. Thanks for coming in. What's your name? First of all, grab the mic, but I'm sorry. No, it's fine. I'm David.

Wow. What a... What an industry voice you David works for Oprah You're looking Montreal this year. Hi, I'm David. How are you? What the fuck? Where are you from David? I'm from a well, I live here now. I live in Brooklyn. David. We got a we got it We got it. Well now we have a bag of gifts for all our guests. I work for APA. Yeah.

We have a bag of gifts for all our show. I'm going to. Hopefully she moves a little quick. Is she still pulling it right now? Get up. Uh, so Lauren's going to get this bag and you get to reach into it and pull out something and you get to keep it. It's a gift from the YKWD.

Anybody who comes up to the studio gets to go into the gift bag. Do we get this? it. It's a gift from the YKWD. Anybody who comes up to the studio gets to go into the gift bag. Do we get this? No. Yeah. Wow. What a big ass bet. Is this some of the toys you collected ten years ago in this bag? We clean the studio the other day and it's all the shit we were throwing out. Now don't look straight up and put your hand in. Dig around now. There's a lot. It's it's wet well don't touch it. It's the last shirt Robert Jenny roar. What do you got what do you got what do you got? What do you got a watch? What is it work? A me zone? Maybe? What a good poll. Yeah watch. What is that? Let me see. Can I

just dig it? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Apple watch does the same thing. Oh, yeah Two of those are two eye patched up. Yeah, they're the magnetic eye paddock. They're the man of the first gen. Garbage. And that is, yeah. Please. And then you got a key in the girl. Give them the watch. I forgot to have it. I have the brand of give them the watch.

You get to watch too. She said to do broken. Wow, get a battery. You never know. I just want to see what I would get. Can you just humor me? Let me dig in there. Let me dig in there. You want a gift

I know you you just want something. What do you want? I want to get reach in there. Go ahead reach in there. What do you got? What are you got? What is that? It's a prayer thing. Delorted. I told you I was a Christian. That's it's a betten. Oh Yeah, that's actually the devil. Yeah, you're gonna hell now. What they believe? Yeah That's the devil don't open that if now. What they believe? Yeah, that's the devil. Don't open that. If you open that, you get voodooed. Don't say that. And the name of Jesus I would be that.

Don't say that. Cree at your own wind blowing prayer for peace and lighten it in spirituality. It seems nice. It is nice. You want it? Do you want it? Look at me.

Do you need a gift today? I need a gift all right You know what Dan reach in there grab yourself stop The only time I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna let the guests reach in what do you got? I got a photo lens for an iPhone I I But I get some fuck I don't even know wait no, I think it isn't here. Hey, hey there you go. Yeah, there you go Hey, is it no, it's not yeah, yeah, no, I have that at house listen Eric Davido

It's actually pull preventive Reach in there. Don't look grab something. Here we go, what do we got? A shawl. Oh, a scarf here. That's a scarf. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Imagine if you have one.

Oh, my look is complete. That's 90 degrees. Yeah, it's a stuff found in a Greyhound station, Christmas. You look exactly like a guy that would open up a school. Yeah. Hi. Hi. All right. Alright.

Alright, let's go around the room. What do you got, buddy? You can find me at ericdivido.com. Greg Stone underscore Twitter. Check out my podcast, the red dude cast. A great having you on again. That's what I have, and always have a great time. I do, man. I know you didn't think I know your name my butt when she books you I go yeah I go I love him so I know I know you name

We got to get Davido on though. He does want to be on that that was today Thanks coming on make sure you check him out and if you go to your shows make sure you you come up and say hi And you start you heard him from the show yummy's what you got Well, so I'll be back in two weeks. I'll spare you the June and July details. I should let you host the show. I would love that. But you have to be here.

No, you can be gone. When I go away, I sometimes I have guest hosts. Please. If they will allow me, I think the people that hate me, they will allow me. They will. Buddy, Baba. Everybody hates me, baba, they don't like me Okay, don't be carried away

Sometimes I get called fat fucking ignorant fuck face in my own chat room These savages don't like anybody It's only 30 people That's it Around 70,000 people love the show They just won't tell me They won't tell me They love him, that you love him I love him I love him I love him and where he goes I follow I follow I follow

Here comes the true side I go what do you got babe? I just taped my half-hour for County Central She killed I was there and thank you I'm excited for that and that's what I'm doing and if you want to follow me It's Yamanika everything. I don't really update my website so you're waiting your time, but it's there at Yamanika.com All right, I hope I want to talk to you about the cell too because I think you should I mean you're an island and you're fucking hilarious But let me tell you something It doesn't matter where you work.

You know what I'm saying? None of these other clubs work me back in the day. When everybody was up at the strip, there was eight people downstairs at the cellar and that place was packed and elutioned. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I was like, you know what? I got you. You're cool. I just stayed down at Boston with fucking six people on Louis Schaefer and it was good for me. You know, and I got him here. So don't worry about that shit.

Thank you. What do you have besides a fucking lazy eye? Are you all right now? And my allergies are fucking killing me. Is it killing you, man? Yeah, I don't know what's going on. Sorry. It was pollen.

Yeah, I think it's just pollen, I don't know. My car was covered in it today. You know, what sucks about me is that I thought I had allergies for last three adult allergies because my sinuses are so bad. I went and got checked. I'm allergic to nothing. Just, this is my fucking...

Just your aura. You take the allergy pills all the time though. What the four? What do you do? Who did you just turn into? You take the allergy pills all the time though. What are you? Fucking a female Gilbert Godfrey. What are you just turn into? It's take the album. It's all the time though. What are you fucking a female Gilbert Godfrey?

What are you guys doing? I'm headwind of Goban and his comedy club and since an addy this weekend. Always that club. Great. It's really fun. I heard it's great. It's great club.

Who longs that? Mike's guy, Michael Kurtz. Really? Yeah. That's great. And then I'm doing the big hunt in DC later in the month. I think it's two weeks later than the term buckle comedy festival So in Iowa so check it out

Thanks coming on man. Thanks for having me always fucking funny. I love I love being here. I mean back in New York I was fucking he'd have to go back to LA in a couple weeks. Well when you come back Probably Christmas depends on where I write is this I'm gonna get this school going. Yeah, yeah Christmas depends on where I write is I'm gonna get this school going. Yeah, yeah, let's do it. All right, what do we got? Talk to people real quick.

Don't you fucking hit that fast forward? Don't you end this podcast? You listen, we have no sponsors today. No, not today. You listen to what's about to be said. You clocktuckers, don't skip all of that. I'm done, fuck you, because we're doing something special right at the end

And if you skip what you're not gonna know where it is, and it's a very small thing But it's gonna be holy shit. So you listen right now spit it out fast. Okay Download the Robert Kelly's you know what dude up come premium member 199 per month if you're a fan of YKWD and you want to sit in email me at ykwd producer at rikest.com If you'd like to mail anything in for our shelves up here, it's 117 McDougall Street, New York, New York, 1-0012, Attention Robert Kelly. And that is all. Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Our Instagram is ykwdude podcast. Yes, and we also thank you so much for all the...

Sweat shirt. Did you get the email? What? Sweat shirt designs. We got some Sweat shirt designs. It's not Sweat shirt designs. They are logos. Logo designs, sorry, first Sweat shirt.

Pubby, I love you. She knows how to break me quickly. As soon as I get mad at her, she's going to love you and I'm done. I love you too, baby. So yeah, we got so much artwork coming in. We're gonna pick, I think we're gonna look at the fans, I don't know, we might use it all, just to put it out there and put it on stuff.

You guys are amazing. She sent me two emails full of shit. We got somebody else working on something, I started on Twitter, that looked amazing too. So when we get it all in, we're gonna go over it and we're gonna put some stuff up on the merch table. So send that to Lauren to at ykwdproduceratrightkest.com. And I'll go back to you.

Adam aka the fucking audio assassin. What's up? You got anything? You can follow me on Twitter at Rec Room Audio. I mean, he's making this show. He makes this show. He worked during his the bus. Upgraded this fucking show.

Drop a computer. I'm there. Drop the computer, shut everything down. I don't know what. We just got to fix it. We're fixing this. Listen, this studio started on my fucking phone and because you cock suckers listen every week.

Now we're in here with five cameras, some of the greatest comics in the world and a creepy fan with a watch that doesn't work. I'm kidding. You're not creepy. But you can, what else do you get? That's it, right? Well, we got your dates. Oh, yeah. Spend them out. Okay. May 5th. You're in Harris. Live. Live. Just know that I'm working on Nick DePaul this weekend and New Orleans at Harris Comedy Club. May 5th. One night only two shows. I get to where we're going Nick the Paulo. He is, I'm telling you, he's about to pop.

With the, you know what I mean? He's just, his hour specials great. He's fucking hilarious and he's him. And I love it. So I get to work with him this weekend at Harris. So if you're around, you see the, see my shit, retweet it, share it. So you just gotta share it, hit the button button and you tell all those people that you know and then so on and so forth

Stop just viewing shit and Scrolling over it share it retweet it help us all sell fucking tickets and and make people aware that we're coming in I know there's a lot of comics, but if you're listening right right now, do it. What else you got? May 19th air Uncle Vinnie's. Woo. That should be fucking crazy. Bring your own booze. That's fun. But the club is awesome. The guys who run it always been sweet to me and my fans actually show up to that one night or Lauren's going to be there selling the hoodies. You're going to sell my hoodies. We'll bring the the tour hoodies. True story tour hoodies. There's summer hoodies This is light hoodies, but they're really good you can have for a nice summer night by the campfire

We're gonna be having those and t-shirts there so make sure you come down to that. What else eight through the 10th? You're in San Diego the American comedy co- Yeah, I love that club and I'm also doing I'll be on LA filming. What's his name show? I love that club and I'm also doing I'll be out in LA filming. What's his name show? Um, Irish a fear show. Oh, yeah. And I mean, I mean, I'm in Montreal, me up exactly. Montreal, uh, nasty show. So get your fucking tickets, me big J god free and Jimmy car, someone else to be announced. It's going to be mental.

That line up is mental. And then I'm going to be up there doing a bunch of the bunch of the show So Montreal this summer I can't wait to do that. I love those people and that's about it So thanks for listening to the podcast. You know what? Dude, we'll see you later You've been listening to the YKWD podcast Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs. Check out RiotCast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free.

And they're all free. Try it. Try it. You