Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Andrew Schulz, Rich Vos | Living Mans Name
Episode Date: April 19, 2021This week Andrew Schulz and Rich Vos join Robert Kelly to look at their comedy group getting older, the new wave of comedy independence, and mastering the algorithm! SUBSCRIBE TO YKWD https://www.pa...treon.com/robertkelly https://thelaughbutton.podlink.to/YKWD​ http://www.ykwdpodcast.com FOLLOW YKWD http://www.twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://www.instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast http://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast FOLLOW ROBERT KELLY http://www.twitter.com/robertkelly http://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive http://www.facebook.com/robertkellylive New episodes arrive every Sunday via The Laugh Button For advertising opportunities email: advertise@thelaughbutton.com Go Premium: https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Hoy es un dÃa de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el dÃa.
¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene?
¿Si no, por qué no te viene?
Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en treno,
con hacernos y no creer olvida.
Hoy es un dÃa de eso, que Madrid nos lia.
Hoy es un dÃa de eso, que Madrid nos encuentra.
Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.
Encuentra en los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos lia.
Un número de mao, mueve.
Solicitad tu beca en fundación lacaisa.org.
Buscas contenido gratis.
¡I want to be free!
Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o Sensación de Vivi.
Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos.
Pluto TV, ven a verlos sin pagar nunca.
Baby, we're starting the podcast right now! que tienen todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a ver back in the day. We're all starting to be warm them all. I'd be the only white king that you need.
Our cast is so fun and crazy.
And as a rule,
we'll stop you ruining this.
We're the more of you than our parents.
Sorry, it's not any podcast.
This is an NPR.
That's what the podcast does.
Is there any better show?
Is the original original?
It's right. The podcast. What's happened, everybody? Robert
Kelley, you know what dude podcast back again.
Was it 13 years in a row every week?
I don't think I've ever taken a goddamn week off.
The hardest work and fucking man and podcasting started it before everybody and my success is successful as everybody.
Absolutely not.
But it doesn't matter because I fucking have passion for this. I'm not doing this
for success. Thank God. I want to say what we got. Speaking of not doing it for success. What's the new wearing a pile? What is that shirt? That shirt is
I hit. Here we go. This morning with one flower. I, Andrew, I'm
gonna fucking, I'm gonna yell at you right now. Why? Zoom the
camera in. I don't want to see your success. Zoom the camera in.
So far away. I'll produce a zoom. If I don't want to see the paintings of you and the
backdrops, what are they using? I like to see it. I like when a young buck like you does well.
Thanks. How that? Tell that cock's I going to get a trash can and put that thing on a trash
can. I want your face. I don't want you. You're fucking Miami successful. Look at all the shit
I got that I don't care. Oh, no, what about this? It's hold on. We're gonna we're gonna switch it out
We're gonna give some good shit. Who's that kid? Who's that guy? Which one's that media, bro? All right, what's up, dude?
How you doing, bubba? I should do that. So he's with him with the camera. That dude's cool. Shut up.
Boss is not 100 years old. We got to get this
out of the way. He's not going, he's not going to bring you down to Miami. It's not happening. I don't
want to go to Miami. You're dressed for Miami. I'm wearing my shoes. All right. Now if you
cross your legs, I'm going to hang up. That's all I'm gonna say. And you're holding fucking shelty again,
like you're some fucking club owner.
Shut your mouth.
His name is Andrew, not just you,
you fucking fly by night, fucking fuck up.
Listen, this day, you had it,
you had it with the shieldies that I was laughing,
but then you just went too far.
He doesn't carry, took a phone call. You know what? Can you get him out of the chat please
until he while he's on the phone? Get him mush get him out.
My move is over five minutes and then I'll hop on back on.
Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. All right listen. Are you good? Yeah yeah.
Where's he go? Sorry, Bobby.
You're not going to talk to me.
Sorry, Bobby.
Why is Andrew Schultz sitting like a lesbian?
Oh.
What's up?
Yeah, I'm going to run.
I'm going to come back.
Hopefully the Rufour will give me an estimate.
I hope this is over. Okay. All right, come back. Carry up.
Come back. You're not going to be able to. I got major. I'm a
back, a leak in my shelling that fucked up my living room. So I got
just roofer coming over. He's got mold in his house. I'm sorry,
man. That's all right. It's no big deal. You know, when you're a
fucking headliner, you got to deal with shit like this.
Yeah, you've got to take care of responsibilities, bro.
Yeah, I know.
This is why I hate all these guys that are successful right now,
because they're not even, he just said, yeah,
me, you got to do your thing.
Because I show this even fucking respecting boss.
This is killing me.
Oh, I don't think boss. This is killing me.
Vos, I'm I'm boss as big as fan.
Bobby my biggest podcast. Yeah, why? Then why don't you help him instead of me?
I tried to help him. I got him. I made him get a new sweatshirt.
I remember when you were wearing that big champion. That's what you thought.
That fucking Ruhan Nike shit over at the seller.
And I ripped it off because I knew it.
You were wearing fake discount.
That's true.
That shit was real. They gave me a new one.
It was real, but it was peeling. That's all.
That's not real.
Lost champion does not make peelable sweatshirts you bought a chain thicker you cheap fuck
No, let me let me explain something to you about this boss
I could take you through my fucking wardrobe and you'll see nothing but real shit my wardrobe
Okay, I don't have a dude follow me with a camera to my wardrobe. I took my own wardrobe
I don't have to buy a new morning go wear this and eat All right. I took my own wardrobe. I don't have time to morning go wear this and D. All right. I pick my own.
This camera man calls him in the morning when he's dressing him.
What would you like to do?
That's my fiance. Hey, Bobby, we smoking sticks. I got some sticks for
the. Yes, I got a fat one.
got some sticks for the. Yes, I got a fat one. All right, listen, listen, shelsey. And that's my good body. Yeah, his whole, he bought this house in
Jersey, which is beautiful because he was in a fucking townhouse for years.
Which, you know, he would say, I got a house. No, you don't.
You're fucking wall connects to your you don't. You're a fucking wall
connects to your neighbor's bedroom. You can hear each other. That's not a house. A house
is when you have land and you're not touching anybody. Right. And you have a bigger apartment
than most, but he finally got a beautiful house out in Jersey. And the poor dude had
water damage and they had black mould and now they're gonna
fucking come in and fix it. Yeah, it's a nightmare. But anyways, fuck all that. He's 63. He's
got a couple years left. Who cares? Right. You're on. Now you're on. Who dies first? I tell
you right between me and him. No, between all you guys. Like,
we were that question was already answered. That was, and who dies second was almost
answered twice. That's my fault. Yeah, I mean, this is the funny thing is I'm someone asked me, you know, what do you,
how do you feel about all these young bucks with all this success and all the stuff that's
going on and, you know, back then when you guys were popping, there really wasn't the
way to make money.
You had to, you had to be given money from the networks.
They had to say yes.
And now that you don't have to ask any, you don't have to ask for permission anymore to be given money from the networks. They had to say yes. And now that you don't have to ask any,
you don't have to ask for permission anymore
to be successful.
And I was like, dude, look, I'm happy.
Okay, it's done.
I'm one friend's dead.
The other one had a stroke.
The other one had a heart attack.
The other one has fucking molded his ceiling.
The other one, I don't know what the fuck he's doing.
Who he's with.
I don't know where he is.
We haven't seen Norton in months.
He's under ground.
I think he's back on the mothership.
And, you know, and I'm fucking,
I'm, you know, like Billy Burr said,
I'm eating my way out of this business.
I am.
I've time is over, Shelds.
It's done.
You think it's a wrap?
Listen, dude, I don't wanna hear any of you fucking advice on Instagram or how to do
stories correctly.
Oh, hey, Bobby, what you got to do is you got to do on Wednesdays at 9.32.
You're going to put a story for a year and that's how I don't want to hear it.
It's not going to happen.
I can literally follow you around and do everything you said for six months and I'd still be
here, okay?
So it's not gonna happen.
But congratulations to you.
I really, really, really, really, really, really happy.
Thank you.
I don't understand what you did, though.
Where, what are you doing?
You're in New York, you open a big studio, right?
You're, and we're all like, what the fuck?
You start putting these things out to turn the sideways thing, which I mean infuriated
me.
Because you, to be honest, you get me.
You're like, hey, dude, you want to know what's going on with this?
And I'm like, yeah, dude, tell me.
Turn your phone sideways.
Fucking, right?
So anyways, because you made me, you physically made me,
you bitch me into doing something,
which I'm from Boston.
I don't like, you don't make any ways.
And then you had to think of my co-existent.
You just looked at them like this,
so you didn't do it again.
I fucked this guy.
I don't know if you're gonna do it.
I gotta fuck your bad neck, cuz of you.
I'm gonna fuck your bad neck, cuz of you. And then you're like, I mean, you're the guy who everybody's like,
you don't have to ask anymore, you can, you fucking do it,
fuck them.
And then all of a sudden Netflix flies in, you're like,
hey, you know what, whatever, right?
Got it?
Okay, I got it, right?
I mean, it's like, I was so excited to see
what you got going on. Then the flip flies in. I don't know what they offered you. It had
to be, it had to be outrageous. It had to be outrageous, because you know why all of a sudden
you're in fucking Miami rolling seven deep like he did in 1997.
Okay. I mean, so it had to be, I mean, it had to be nice, right? It was, it was, it was cool, you know, it wasn't shipel, but it wasn't fucking
moany. It wasn't close to shipel. I'll tell you that much. But it definitely was a Monique,
right? No, I did a little better than Mon No, I did a little better than Monique.
I did a little better than Monique.
I always felt bad.
I was like, fucking Monique won an Oscar.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And she was at that pinnacle.
Like, I won an Oscar.
Oh, who the fuck is this shit?
Fucking, I apologize.
This is outrageous.
Are you shit mean?
My, my fucking phone which is it's
not forget it. What do you mean you apologize? You take a phone call every single episode.
I take a phone call when it's calling Quinn, when it's fucking Ari Shafir, when it's somebody that I
can put on that thing. That was fucking Chris Cheney. I love Chris. God bless him. But you know
I love Chris God bless them, but you know, anyways, you know, Gabby, right? Yes, of course. What's up? Hi, you guys met each other before? Yeah, yeah, in the studio studio.
Okay, all right, good old days. But yeah, dude, you all the sudden you're in fucking Miami.
I don't know the stand what's going on. What are you doing? Are you there? Are you taking over Miami? Are you done with New York?
Is this it?
Well number one. I'm a complete hypocrite. I think that's important to know.
Sure, sure and so I took that Netflix money. I sold my fucking soul and then I
told my soul Bobby and
I told my soul, Bobby. And then I said that anybody that leaves New York
is a piece of shit.
They're not a real New Yorker.
You know, they're not gonna dug it out during the pandemic
and real New Yorkers would never leave, et cetera.
And this is literally what happened.
I ate outside with my girlfriend, my fiance.
We had an, and it was so cold.
And there was like a gust of wind
that went up my jacket, I had a North Face on
and went up my jacket and I halted on my spine.
I literally texted everybody in the group
and I was like, guys, what would it be my Emmy next week?
And then we just said we gotta go to my Emmy.
Yeah.
So 100%.
So you got cold and you fucking you got called one side, you know, you got called and you're pushed out of all the fucking
shit. You know what it is really is just like we were fucking lucky. We had you know a couple bucks and
my girl is going to school and she's a she's a gone to business school right now. And everything was online anyway.
So I was like, do you just, do you want to go to Florida?
And luckily, all my friends, wives and girls that work with us, they're also online.
So we could all move.
And I was like, should we just go for the next few months until everything opens up in
New York, and then we can get back to doing stand-up.
So we literally just moved down here to do stand-up and then do the pods and then, you know,
live normal life and we're lucky enough to have a couple of bucks
to do it.
There's a problem was all the advice you gave out to some young fucking comic from Ohio
stuck in New York because you said stick it out. You'd be a fucking man. He's sitting
there shitting his pants freezing right now with no money, no stage time. Yeah. Trying
to fucking get a podcast. It sucks to be poor. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Wow. You said that with three buttons on button to no socks. We're in fucking clam.
We're in clam diggers and you just said that.
You're wearing clam diggers and you just said that. I'm your poppities, bro.
Come on, man.
Don't listen to me.
Bobby, don't listen to me.
Buddy, listen to me.
Wow.
Isn't that the fucking best part of being a comic?
All you have to do is go, yeah, I'm a piece of shit.
Yeah, I'm a piece of shit. Yeah, I'm a piece of shit.
Like come on, bro.
Like this is what I say to anybody.
I'm like, wouldn't you have done it if you could?
Like when are you going to Florida for four months
if you could?
Listen, I think you're absolutely right.
And people, I love when people give people shit
for taking something.
It's like, yeah, they took that. It's like, what do you want them to do?
Or somebody who's not ready, like somebody,
oh, they're not ready.
And they get SNL, or they get a big tour
because they had a TikTok video pop.
I go, what did you want them to say
to the people when they called them?
I just said, hey, you want to do a big tour
around the country and make a million dollars
doing stand up? Oh, I'm not ready yet. I'll do it in five. What? No, yes. Take it. Fuck and
do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. That's the way I looked at it. I didn't look at
like to be completely honest. I didn't look at Netflix like, like they gave it to me.
Like I looked at it like we made them do it. Like they didn't have a choice is the way
I looked at it. Yeah. Yeah.
I know you're saying you're saying that you you were going to do it without them or and they were
like fuck we're going to miss the boat on another another successful thing and fucking here you go.
Let's see and they came to you and you're like all right, let's collaborate, right? And they were
cool. Like that's the thing about them. They were fucking cool about. They literally let us do it
by ourselves. We shot it in my studio in Brooklyn, like Alex,
the guy that you just saw set up a zoom directed to special, right?
My guy Mark, it's on the podcast with me.
It broke the thing with me.
Also Robbie Slavic wrote it and F.A. is another.
But Robbie.
Robbie's fucking so funny.
He's great.
And Mark is fucking brilliant.
hilarious.
Comic and great writer as well.
And it's like, so we get to write it, however we want to write it.
And then we get to shoot it where we want to shoot in the studio.
And like with my fucking cameras and shit.
So we're like, why would we not do this?
100% and in reference, I'm just like, I killed myself on it, Bobby.
I literally, we were so destroyed.
I haven't done one since because I'm like broken by that experience.
Why? Rugs to stay awake. I was thinking, rugs to stay awake.
I was going to add a role to stay awake.
We were doing 120 hour weeks to get it done.
It was the hardest thing I've ever worked on in my entire life.
It was, whatever they paid me, it's got to be five times more if I ever do something like
that again.
It was, wow, no shit.
Brutal.
So you're not scheduled to do another one.
Technically, we could, we could, technically, we could.
I just gotta see, I don't even know if the world
needs another one, to be honest right now.
Here's why I, here, look, Netflix great.
I understand, I don't, I think Netflix is awesome.
I don't give a fuck.
They're making comedy and making comics popular again.
They're making comic rock stars, which I love, okay?
But what I missed is that you will, you know,
not to say you don't make me sick
because you're in my YouTube news feed.
I mean, I don't know how you do it.
Trust I do.
I'm what you want. I'm what you love.
Yeah.
Is that what it did? That's scary.
Fuck out of it.
We love the same things, man. Just trust the algorithm.
I'm dead.
Dude, I'm sorry. And you are in my fucking stupid feed every day.
There's an Andrew Schultz thing coming up.
And it fucking blows me.
And I've never, I've never searched,
hey, let me look at Andrew Schultz shit.
You know what I mean?
I'm not being an asshole.
No, yeah, whatever.
You know me, you see the, huh? I said, you know me,
you've seen the act. You don't need to watch it on YouTube. You're in fucking every day. I go to
my YouTube because I don't watch TV anymore on the road. I just I watched, you know, this chick,
Jodie, something just fucking psycho fucking bitch murdered her boy, the guy who's dating.
bitch murdered her boy, the guy who's dating. Oh, yeah.
You remember that girl?
Oh, yeah.
I watched the, I watched the, all the interrogations.
Like hours.
I fall asleep to this crazy shit to watch that chick.
That's so much fun.
Why does that, what does that mean?
Because you're a lunatic.
That's, and you go to sleep to that.
That puts you to sleep.
I'll tell you why I put you to sleep because it confirms my fucking my
my thoughts about that women are fucking nuts. Sure.
And you guys are fucking crazy. I mean, you're fucking nuts. Okay. That's just that's why I watch it
because I love to see a woman go from a cycle who slices a guy's throat to
No, I would never Jesus loves everybody.
Fuck you
But I'm sitting there. You're coming up and dude. Here's what you do
That I I don't know how you do it and I'm not going to replicate it. Don't worry
And yes, it bugs me that you don't have socks on
um It's uh Don't worry and yes, it bugs me that you don't have socks on
But it's tired. I don't care. You should have a sock a small sock a low-cut sock. Now those are gay
Dude I will look at socks
And they don't do this nice. I will then you how does your feet not stink? They stink. And that is what it is.
All right. They will move on.
They will go.
I didn't know you, I didn't know you're gonna be
with the fucking Bert Reynolds answer.
I thought you would have more like an Eddie Murphy answer.
It would have been funny, but you just fucking laid it down.
Sure.
I would full cowboy.
You fucking one actor on me.
That's good.
Listen, I'm fucking fucking one actor on me. That's good. Listen, fucking mac and funny. Um, are you doing this thing? What you stand up now,
brother? I mean, it's it all that you just smacked like fucking with people in
the crowd comes up every day on my feed. Yeah. How are you filming? Is what do
you have like a two camera shoot? You hook it up into the board? Are you,
are you setting this
shit up in the club? Is this a big thing where you guys have to go in, set the cameras up,
your fans roll in, and you're going to sit down and do your jokes, but then have this time to
let this shit happen, were you talking to people? It was just organic. No, no, like so all this is
kind of by accident, but kind of on purpose, right?
Like Alex the guy you saw earlier, he sets up the cams. We take four cameras on the road and
The whole idea was I have an hour of material. I
Can't give away the material because I got a sore and I have a deal for a special
So if I give that away then I can't do it for the special.
So what moments can I give away,
because given away materials really helped my career,
and what moments can I give away
so that the people can keep watching
and people can keep coming out the shows.
So I can give away these moments
where I'm kind of like talking to the crowd
and like messing with the crowd.
And then I put out that crowdwork special,
and then like, should just
went crazy because people started coming to the shows because they're like, people,
you and I know comedy, right? So we know that like a crowd work experience, you know, can
be magical, but it can also be easy. Like there's a whole gambit of things that it can be,
right? So like, but to the crowd, something that happens in the moment
is the most amazing thing they've ever seen in their life, right?
So they're going, these people who are watching YouTube videos
are going, the guy just makes it all up.
He just makes the whole thing up, you know?
And I think that like,
I remember even watching Patrice back in the day
and I'm like, I knew he was doing bits
because I was a comic,
but the people in the audience almost didn't know.
They're like, is he,
was he just making this shit up?
Is this what's happening, right?
So like, I think what happened is, you know,
people would come out and like,
I have a conversational style.
So sometimes I'd be fucking with them,
sometimes I'd be kind of like doing bits,
but people would have this kind of,
what they thought was a very unique comedic experience
opposed to what they saw on late night
and what they saw on standup specials,
where it's just like, hi, I'm a comedian and here's the quirky things that
happen in my life. And when I kind of do the crower, I don't know, like if I'm
saying I'm unique, whatever, but like I don't really like asking people like what
they do, I'm more like ask like kind of who they are. And then this is another
thing that was just lucky. When I started talking to them about who they are, it would tap into these groups of people
that weren't really, I don't know,
like recognized on the internet as much.
So like if I'm talking to someone from Croatia,
and then I have a funny joke about it,
all of Croatia sees the joke.
The whole community sees the joke.
They pass it around to their friend.
There's someone's talking about us.
Finally, they understand us so these tiny communities They pass it around to their friend. There's someone's talking about us. Finally, they understand us.
So these tight communities would pass it around.
Like we didn't even realize it.
We were just, you know, I'm curious about people,
just like you, you're talking to someone to crowd.
You're like, what's your whole situation?
And, and then yeah, things just start to fucking,
fucking blow up and that's what we could give away.
And then that's almost weirdly kind of like
what people expect when they see me now.
It's like, it's just crazy.
People are like a part of it.
I like about you, when you're on stage
you put in this stuff out,
is that usually when people know that being filmed
they're catering to the cancel culture while they're doing it.
They're kind of editing themselves on the fly
because this is going on YouTube.
And one of the things you made me laugh because I'm watching you talk of this girl and you're like,
this bitch and I fucking, I was just the fact that you know, you know, that's like, that's like
nine, that's like 2003, you know, I mean, at the cellar, this bitch is fucking, what you had is bitch. Yeah, what the fuck?
And that's why I love stand up because you can, you can call somebody a bitch.
You can say bitch, you can call some dude a fucking moron to his face and he's laughing.
You know what I mean?
Well, that's, yes, I 100% know what you mean.
Like you get to say whatever the fuck you want.
You get to actually be yourself in that moment on stage.
Like that part of yourself that doesn't filter at all, you know, like you get to say that
to people and then they laugh and they kind of love it.
And the crazy thing I realized is like, if you say all those things within a bit that
they knew that you scripted, they're like, why would you think of these ideas and say
them this way? If you, If you're making a black joke,
sue the black guy in the audience and he's laughing,
you can't be mad at me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I can't be upset at me because he thinks it's funny.
Yes, no, because, yes, well,
it's, it, look man, the most racist people I know,
my black comic friends,
they've said the most fucked up
should I've ever heard to me about other races
and about me, you know what I mean?
It is a fucked up thing because I'm the same way as you,
where you go on stage, what I used to do,
I used to do just jokes.
And then I started doing just as crowd work.
And crowd work got so good that my jokes weren't as good.
Yep. So the difference between my crowd work and my jokes was was too much. And I try to go back into that joke.
And I sucked. And they're like, no more that other shit. So I had to make my jokes as good as me dipping into the crowd.
Right? Because I like to I like to dip to dip in, and you use that as my,
let's all right, bang, and then go wherever,
wherever you take, wherever you say,
I got something for it, and we'll go there.
So you don't know what's happening on stage, right?
And it's mad.
And it does get dangerous, man.
And you know, and you film that shit and you put it out there and I like that you don't
You don't fuck with it. You let it right you let it you let it live
I don't know like I'm 37 right so I know you're gonna be like, oh, you're not old or whatever, but like I'm
I'm
Okay, so like I
Came up like I'm was the generation under you guys,
but I didn't, I wasn't very close
to the people in my generation.
Does that make sense?
Like, you didn't, you didn't have a crew.
My crew wasn't really at the cell.
Like my crew was like, I cautioned
and a few of them went out to Cali and you know
Blowstein and then well went out to Cali etc. So like
My idea was stand up of stand up
But what it was was still implanted in me from your generation and it never shifted from doing like soft ass open mics and Brooklyn
From you know, I'm saying like I never got that influence at all
So and I kind of resented it.
Like, I would tell a joke that I knew that they would like
politically and then they would laugh
and I'd tell one that they didn't like politically
and then they wouldn't.
I was like, oh, you guys aren't even like real human beings.
Like, you're not even letting yourself laugh at what's funny.
You're right.
But you want people to think you are as a human.
So I was like, you're horrible.
So, I remember just, I, you're horrible. So I remember
just, I don't know, like there's something that was so like visceral to me, like interactions
with the crowd because you can't deny it. Like even the most old person when it happens
in the moment, they can't deny the humor of it, you know? And I don't know, I just thought
of a special, yes, in a way, you can't detect it. It is a funny thing because even, listen,
even if you get offended, even if you get mad, right?
But everybody's laughing kind of at you.
Yeah.
You got, you have to, they have to know
that this shit's funny, you know what I mean?
This should happen the other night, dude.
And it might be, there might be some legs of stand-up,
but like, that is fucking new.
Like people know people who died of corona and shit.
And there's a person who,
I was like, is anybody pass away from corona?
And then they had known somebody who died of corona, right?
And then I asked that they were fat, right?
And then, and they were like, I'm out.
Yeah, I'm out.
Shit.
I'm out.
I'm fat.
I'm like, I'm gonna protect my fat people, man.
I'm a fat.
I'm a, I'm the, I'm the chubby is doing comedy right now.
So I'm just like, you know,
I'm a little,
fucking,
Benette's dead,
Benette's dead and Malfi May's dead.
You know, and Berk Christrasch is somehow gotten a shape.
So.
What about Gabriel?
Yeah, yeah, he lost way too, brother.
I'm sorry.
You fucking, he trimmed down.
He got diabetes and trimmed down.
There's a wine shirt.
Here's a wine shirt buttons.
I couldn't button this if you gave me $10,000 right now.
Okay, tell me, okay, what was he saying tell me, I just asked them, I was like, do you think they died because of
Corona or because they couldn't taste food for three days?
And I thought it was like, it was just like a little, now if I, if I was like a, like a
split, it made me a defensive like a scripted, it made me a fucking offensive.
Like in the moment, it's just funny.
You and I can laugh at it.
Obviously, we're comments, whatever.
But like the crowd was able to laugh at it.
They had family members, you might have died,
but they were able to laugh.
So I don't, I mean, you still believe in funny, man.
I still believe in funny and like, I know the funny thing.
I came up watching and that's the funny that I thought that,
when I watched you guys, man, and I'm not trying to kiss ass,
but when I watched you guys, and I thought you guys
were being really authentic, and I thought you were saying shit,
that was, even if it was wrong, the feeling was right.
Like, you could say a joke that was wrong,
it was morally wrong, but we all flipped it inside.
We're like, oh, I kind of agree with
that. And that was the comedy I always wanted to do. I
want to do a shit was based on like the way I felt and
mainly based on the wrong feelings I had. Right, it's not,
you're not you're not writing jokes. You're expressing
yourself. Yeah, those like don't care, don't get me wrong, I
have a lot of admiration for the guys who can like blow jokes and they're fast
But like to me, it's kind of meaningless like it's it's like a comic book or something
It's just like it's work. It's work
It's a job. It's like that's like that's what I was math
I was doing math problems all day. I'm like Jesus fucking Christ like right
But you say something interesting though. I tell Gabby this all the time is that because she's in Brooklyn a lot. And I'm like,
you got to get out of those rooms. You got to get into bad
rooms that when you walk up, they don't like you. Right.
Because you need that you need to be able to somehow turn
that around. And your jokes will fucking make them go, I didn't like that.
I didn't like when you're in a supportive environment and everybody's help, it's going to kill
you because you're never going to be able to leave that and comedy is vicious.
It's so awesome.
Look at Voss.
He's back.
It's so true.
Like, I know my litmus test for if I'm in a bomb in a crowd, like it's if Genine Garofalo is doing well.
And I remember multiple times, like,
I'm in Garofalo, like, kill in a room and just going,
I'm about to eat my fucking dick right now because there's no way
what I'm going to say and what she's saying, like,
could have any similarity in terms of how the crowd reacts with,
you know, it serves a sense of humor.
And, um, but yeah, man, it's just, yeah, I think I actually did so many bad rooms. I felt uncomfortable when the audience was good.
And I actually kind of made them hate me. And then would have to try to win them over after that.
Like, I felt more comfortable with them, not liking me at first.
Now, now, did you, now you sit down, you sit down when you do your show now, and you
do a lot of improv with the crowd.
Voss says he invented that.
Is that true?
He's the king.
First of all, first of all, because I know I'm hopping in in the middle.
Yeah.
And I was wondering if you guys were giving Gabby tips.
Why? but that's
the stuff. Hey, hey, maybe you don't want to do those broken rooms. Look at Gabby, do
whatever you can. Believe me, it's not going to last long. It's not going to listen.
You're going to be fucking working in a beauty collar in two years, but anyhow.
Oh, cool.
All right.
Okay.
All right. Now Gabby's going to, Gabby's going to, Gabby's's gonna book a TV. Let me know, get yourself. Gabby's gonna book a fucking sitcom.
She's gonna win an Emmy and she's gonna fucking walk by you in the streets as what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna take my Emmy and fucking, ah, right? Is it Emmy behind you already?
Emmy right there, you piece of shit? Yeah, yeah. Listen, you're absolutely right.
Comedy never gonna find out.
Maybe not for me.
Five.
Absolutely.
It's killing time.
It really is.
No, first of all, those Emmys that you get
at those souvenirs stores and most endless wine,
you just get the Oscar one.
Why do you get the happy one?
That's okay. No, look, I have a lot of faith in you Abby,
along with the other Abby, Abby, Abby.
Got her name.
Oh, look at man, Voss, you represent, would you?
I mean, we got a young buck in here at the prime of his career,
and you're fucking forgetting names like an old man
Let's check green
Listen Tommy relax
What I'm trying to say is
Gabby you're doing the right thing at least you're not going online and and taking pictures half naked like always fucking
and taking pictures half naked, like always fucking comics.
I mean, you did a couple on the baton suit, that kind of grossed us out, but as you know,
it's about comedy.
Sure.
And that's keeping that comedy, you know what I'm saying?
Mm-hmm.
Hey, cut off shirt.
What's up?
He takes a shirt off for any other comic.
Yeah. He's shitting on other people.
First of all, okay, you're talking to fly.
My nickname is fly.
I wish you was die.
No, Matt, I am the other one who didn't have the stroke.
You know,
I was in gloss seriously though.
I was talking about, you know,
you know, because I see Andrew stuff all the time. And I'll be honest with you know, you know, cause I see Andrew's stuff all the time.
And I'll be honest with you Drew,
back when you first came to the cellar,
I was like, yeah, whatever.
And then I saw a switch, something happened.
I walked in one night, I told you this.
And I saw what, you did this joke.
I was about Jesus or something, I don't know.
And I was like, oh, that's fucking that is great.
And you, your confidence met up with your fucking act.
And it was, I was like, wow, you got funny, dude.
You got really fucking funny.
So stand up.
I like Andrew.
Here's the difference you and I.
I am a big fan of Andrew's hand.
Like I won't watch them do stand up
because I like them so much,
and I don't want to ruin that.
So like, we're, like, I don't want to go down
and he's, you know, I'm like,
oh, this dude was street fucking 10 minutes ago
and now, so, you know,
when I'm like, wow, great, stop.
I'll explain that to you.
Andrew, explain that to me.
Does that fuck me up?
Because you'll, if you, if you sit down with Andrew,
if you sit down with Shelsey at the table and he's and and and
yet appetite was there, he's like a fucking aristocrat. But if
fucking Tracy Morgan comes in, he's fucking, well, yo, what's up?
But that's, that's, you know, you are not that's up. You told me that that's a Manhattan.
You were brought up in Manhattan.
I mean, I speak in a way that I think you're going to understand.
So like, yes, if I, I grew up in the city, like if I'm speaking to people in the city,
I'm going to use certain words that they understand.
And because I want to communicate you with you and I want you to, you know, get what I'm trying to use certain words that they understand. And because I want to communicate with you and I want you to get what I'm trying to say.
And if I fucking, I learn how to speak Spanish.
I speak Spanish with people who speak Spanish, right?
So the same kind of things.
There's certain words I might not use with you guys.
And there's certain things that I might use with you guys.
I might not use it with other people.
But yeah, for sure.
Code switching.
I can't say, get them out, mush.. Get him out mush. No, but Bobby.
Yes. You know what's it about sitting down on stage is I did that because you know how you were
saying like you're like crowd work. I better than the jokes and then you had to make the jokes
better to like even it and shit. Like I started sitting down because I thought I might be too good at acting out the jokes
and that the jokes weren't strong by themselves.
Right.
So I was like, you tell me, you tell me that I should sit down.
Oh, you stand.
I, I, I can't sit.
I can't sit.
I can't, I, I, I, I have to, I have to move around. There's something about. Yeah, dude. I like to, I like
when I, I like to go over to that side of that stage and I like to look at them for a minute and
talk to them and then I kind of go over there and then I don't know. I like it. I don't know, something about, if I sit, I'll be honest.
Sitting down and it may be what you're saying,
scares the shit out of me.
Interesting.
Because if I sit down, I don't know.
If I sit down, now I used to be crazy.
I used to be as crazy as Dane Cook back in the day.
When I first moved to New York, I would sweat every single show I had.
I would be dripping sweat.
Me, God-free, Steve Byrne.
I mean, but me, I would fucking,
Waaah!
I'd be over here.
I'd fuck a stool.
I'd suck it.
I'd suck the stool's dick.
I'd fucking, I mean, dude, everything.
And then I'd broke my fucking knee on that tourgasm show.
I remember that.
And I had to, I remember I was the first night on stage
and it goes to what you're saying.
I had to go out and crutches and I had to stand still.
And a lot of my jokes I couldn't do.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh shit, I had to switch my whole act up and
do other jokes and figure it out because I couldn't run the fuck I couldn't fucking run around
and put my leg up and shit. So yeah, that's interesting. That's a fucking interesting.
You have to think about shitty. Because he's 63. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. One more year I'll be your waistline. I, uh,
thank you. You know what? The podcast Robert Kelly.A. meetings. I got caught eating chips.
I got caught eating chips in the dark.
Here's the thing about you to sit down.
I don't know about for me.
When you sit down, you're more creative because you're more relaxed
Yeah, and one two you're bringing the people into you like there's 100% if I'm following like say a dang cook and energetic
I'm not gonna follow that energy
And I'm gonna bring him to me and their
I guarantee they're more focused on you
If you're that type of that, you know, yeah And their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their and battle. It wasn't a battle. That was a massacre. Let's be honest. Okay. But Andrew was eating his seizure salad so calmly and he was losing her fucking mind. And like a fucking idiot, I didn't
record it. I would have recorded this. I could have sold it as my seventh album. Yeah.
and the album. We have a lot of things to do.
We have a backup.
How was I saying, boss?
Well, how did it start?
I don't know how it started.
He was going to eat this salad and he was going to listen.
You're an improv comic.
I do theaters.
You know, he was saying that. To Michelle? Yeah, he was saying so to Michelle yeah he was saying
look at you do improvs or stress battery good for you do your period humor then
she would come back call him this for YouTube and she was very she had a couple
drinks I love Michelle because she'll fight to the end. She'll fight her.
And he's a part of me.
And he just kept eating so calmly.
It was good.
You think Michelle Wolf is red now?
Her in those pictures, her in those pictures, which should tell in all those black comics,
thinking she's a new patty herst is what's really getting on my fucking room.
She thinks she's like the new at the compound in Ohio.
You know, but it was a, it was a lot.
I was there.
I mean, I would, I remember you came on YKWD and you and, uh,
Lisa Tragger. Oh, God.
What about it?
No, no, she literally,
why old, but here's the thing is I didn't know that, but we've gone out in a few
times before. She's the only person in comedy that I can say I don't like.
But you guys, you guys, but you weren't mean for that night. You didn't,
jeez. No, no, Lisa's funny.
I can separate it.
Like, there are people who I just don't like, but they could be funny.
But like, yeah, yeah, I just don't like her.
She just, I didn't know you guys didn't like each other.
And we were doing the podcast.
And this we were doing in the studio.
So I had, you know, two or three people on sometimes five, right?
So we had them on and tragic just, I, what she's saying,
he is my least favorite person on the planet.
Yeah, I hate him.
But here's the thing, it's she'll smiled.
Like, if you said that about me,
I'd be like, go fuck your mother.
She's like, she'll just,
she'll just, she'll just,
she'll just leave the trigger.
What?
Yeah.
I love Lisa too.
Who cares what she thinks?
Yeah, you should know this person.
When he was on stage one night, then she start with him.
Lisa, she would answer him.
She would answer him.
It's not Lisa.
Lisa is my sister.
Lisa.
Whatever the fuck who cares?
I'm sick of fucking helping you
through this fucking podcast, like my old uncle.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know.
I mean, like, yeah, she's just annoying.
So when people are annoying to me, I don't care.
Like, if you're annoying to me,
I'm just gonna tell you you're annoying.
You're saying stupid shit.
I'm just gonna say you're gonna say stupid shit.
Like, I'm not trying to like gain any points in the industry.
Like, I don't care if you have a fucking deal somewhere or some shit like that.
Like, everybody's all cautious because I think they're gonna be a writer on everybody's show.
And I'm just like, if you're funny and cool, like, I just love boss.
And I love you.
And you guys are funny and cool.
And you guys, I'll sit back at a table and you guys will just rip me apart for hours.
And I'll just have the time I fucking life and it'll be great.
And I get back and I'm just busing fucking Michelle's ball or Lisa's balls about something
and then the whole thing turns into this emotional fucking drama and I'm like, are we at the
seller?
We're not the seller.
Like, did we all grow up watching the same people or we did it?
Like why are we so cautious with each other?
I don't understand it.
I was smashing this comic.
I don't know his name is Light Skinny
was on Guy Coder, whatever, and I smashed them.
I said, and he looks at me and goes,
what's that about?
I go, what?
What's down there?
You got your mouth.
It's a bad fucking, you know, these thin skin.
However, it's over though.
Listen, guys, it's not over.
It's not over.
Listen, the seller's over over the table's done. Listen, if you go to
this table now, right? The table is less and less this and less boss me calling and keep
Andrew or fucking Shane or soda and less thatimen's there. But if it's mostly the new cast, it's not happening.
I was just mashing, like all me and my comic friends
fucking roast each other all day long.
Yeah, but nobody cares.
What I'm saying is great.
I'll like off.
It's all on the same comedy.
Actually, that's why you do comedy.
I was in there the other night and everybody I looked at I had something to say. Fucking made me what's his name?
Maytron with the fucking fan.
You know, and he looked like he was freshly juby Garland after he was on his mess.
He was a sling wearing sequence.
How can you knock away after that?
Yeah, yeah.
That's the thing I don't get.
Like we're seeing weird shit.
And then like when I pointed out, I'm the asshole.
Like when when when Shepel gave everybody a chain
with his name on it, and I'm like, what?
I live in, living man's
like living man. Fuck is what would you? What kind of
self respect the human being is going to wear a living man's
teen around their neck? I understand everybody wants to go to the
fucking farm and do the comedy. Whatever, right? So you put the
chain around your neck.
But like, this is not some fucking documentary about some crazy, like,
Indian Sherpa on Netflix.
Okay.
This is a comedian fan.
I have a, I have a, I have a sufi necklace that I wear.
Thank you so much.
I would, I wouldn't wear the Dave necklace if I was hanging from a raster.
Okay.
I just, I couldn't believe it.
And I said it once on like, brilliant idiots.
And then like, I guess Donnell got all upset about it.
And I'm like, we're comedians.
Like, you got a man's name on your neck that's alive.
It's alive.
Like, there's like one guy in history you can wear on your neck that's alive. That's alive.
There's like one guy in history you can wear on your neck.
Jesus is the only guy and then that's totally okay.
Everybody else, what do you put on your neck for?
Yeah.
That's the only thing.
I heard you say that, you go,
but when Jesus was alive, nobody had Jesus on their neck.
He would never, he would never say that, right?
Like, he would never go, you should put me on your neck.
That even Jesus really does too much.
I wear every once in a while my God-free necklace,
but only the cross.
Drinking Sprite, the second God-free was in that commercial, okay?
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
When we got to orgasm, right?
We did the whole thing, HBO.
We had to go shoot the final scene of the last episode
where we fly in on helicopter.
I mean, a fucking to 3,000 people at a racetrack.
We're all in jumpsuits.
We land on it.
We're going to be presented with something.
Now, HBO, fucking pain, helicopter, three-tout, we get out.
We're walking through the crowd, fucking hot.
People are going nuts.
We sit up front like it's amazing.
And I'm like, dude, I'm going to get a fucking like a mini bike or a
scooter or we got we got presented with tourgasm, die cast metal necklaces.
That you were supposed to wear like you like an award. Like that was my award. I was I was so fucking angry.
I'm like, a Rolex, a fucking Rolex.
I take a tutor.
I think Rolex is a company.
I think a tutor.
You're stupid, fuck.
You did it, you got it. Don't fucking get greedy. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm terrible. It's unbelievable. I don't know. And I'm curious like what your guys
generation thinks of it because I don't know. Like you, are you a little sad? Are you like, do we not pass this down enough?
Like, no, it's, it's, it's, dude, people,
dude, first of all, I'm gonna say this,
the smashings we give each other hurt.
I'm gonna be honest.
I'm, I'm gonna be honest.
I've left the seller and went back to my wife and went,
I don't know what, I don't know what.
What's the worst?
What's the worst?
The worst?
The worst?
I had two of them.
The one in the one in fucking the one in Amsterdam.
I am I'm not lying.
I almost I almost teared up.
I'm not kidding. I almost teared up. I'm not kidding.
It's the best one.
Look at me.
Hold on.
Anybody watching right now just look at Voss and my face,
as you're about to tell the worst emotional story of your life.
I literally had to hold back tears. Like I was gonna cry.
Like shit from my childhood came up.
Like it was Patrice and Keith.
And we were, that's hard.
That's hard to be caught nose cross hairs.
We were in Amsterdam for the first time.
And they put us in this artist fucked up hotel downtown. And
they complained because it was like four metal bunk beds with a folding table with a window,
this big that opened up into an alley. And when we opened the window, guys would look
in thinking we were prostitutes like you get you dick sucked in this all right. So they
were like, fuck this that. And I was like, hey, I'm fine here because I was trying to ask kiss
You know just ham good. I'm not I'm not any trouble
You know what I mean and they called me out of me a little fucking pussy
You're trying to come back to Amsterdam. You're fucking pussy. You're trying to kiss up to this asshole the guy hated us
so and he was he lied
He was telling him that you know the hotel's an hour out of town and the other one, the only one.
It was 20 minutes out of town. It was this amazing beautiful house with a piano.
Three floors, a pond with swans in the backyard. It was insane. I was in a prison cell by myself, right?
So I had gone out,
and you remember when Paulie has the shirts we're in, you know what I mean?
Like black, okay.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Fuck.
All right, show, you were fucking tan, relax.
The way, yeah, keep going.
Yeah, I'm starting to be on this night.
So I bought, I bought black Paulie has to pants and black.
Cause we were at a theater.
Fucking.
I got slipped on it. I was fucking. You were at a... I got slipped on it.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way.
I got slipped all the way. I got slipped all the way. I got slipped all the way. I got slipped all the way. I bought black polyester pants. It was black on black. And I bought shoes
and I got a nice belt. And when I got when I went to put it on, they were on their way
to come get me this gig. I didn't realize that the pants were bell bottoms. I must have
bought fat girl pants. I don't know what I did, right? So I had no choice.
So I had nobody to bounce it off of.
So I just went outside.
So it looked like I was wearing an evening gown. So I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I side and I was smoking a cigarette away for the van to pull up with them in it.
And the windows were all rolled up.
And I saw this way.
I saw them pulling up and I saw them
To the window and Patrice ran
I got a car and they smashed me so bad.
My driving who didn't like us had to pull the car over using it.
You had to put a man on the screen English.
English, I was just in the window.
I was just in the window, like looking out the window
and I swear to God I had a whole bad tears
because it was so mean. And I swear to God I had a whole bad tears
There was they were like because I they were like Bobby Bobby had Bobby turned tricks last night
Bobby was Bobby was a fucking Amsterdam hole last night sucking dick to that
It was bad dude and then I had to go on stage with it, which was worse
Oh, cuz I had a perform in the dress. Oh, yeah.
It was a bad, bad fucking night.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What's the second one?
The second one was in Amsterdam.
There's been so many, dude.
I mean, I went down to the cello one night with sweatpants with a blue, baby blue
striped down the side and they they they called me a security guard
I mean I threw the pants out when I got home
I
Mean it's been a lot of nights at the cellar where it just hurt and here's the thing is when they when they knew they got you on the ropes
Oh, yeah
Like you think it was over. You come back up with
your little salad. Hey, how you doing? And they'd be staring at you.
And then you see them just waiting because they got them. They just waiting.
And then you'd see Keith whispered a betrace and then for trees to say something.
And then you'd see Keith whispered to Patrice and then Patrice would say something. You know, it was bad.
It was bad, man.
Okay, talk me and Keith.
The second one was, the second one was at, it's still online.
It's open Anthony.
It was, I believe, Vos, me, Norton and Patrice and Anthony and it just was, they called it the spinning wheel of death episode. We went
from me to Voss. You remember that Voss? You, and we were smashing you, then we were smashing
meat, then we were smashing the trees, then we turned on Norton County, and we actually
turned on OP. We were fucking smashing OP and OP did not like it.
Yeah, yeah.
I think it was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no.
We would tell like OP get into a fucking car accident and be in a wheelchair and he'd slow
coming in.
We beat it.
We beat up OP so bad when he went body surfing.
No, almost got crippled.
That was it.
Yeah, he almost died.
And we were just like, we were just nashing him.
We were in open and answering me.
I don't know who was there.
But Anthony said when he was a kid, his father took a shower with him to teach
him how to take a shower, how to bathe and our eyes lit up.
He took a shower, how to bathe, and our eyes lit up. We had each other shower with his dad. All you saw were sharks.
That's what we wanted to be Anthony for fucking hour.
Yeah, dude.
I used to create a god.
Have you ever been telling a story or like starting something and then the comics around
you are paying too close attention?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like that's how I know I'm going to get it when it seems like you care what I'm saying.
Yes, usually.
Like what's the next thing?
I can say what's going on?
Where's my phone?
But when everybody's at attention, I'm like, oh no, it's about to happen, it's about to happen.
It's about to happen.
Bobby, I was working, we were sent into the cellar, I had to go over to the underground.
So Bobby and Keith go, oh, we're going to come over and watch you bomb.
So I read it's fucking, so what's her name's on stage, Mickey Claycer,
who's very funny, but it's filled,
I mean, if she talked more about her pussy,
I mean, and she's killing.
So I went on and I had a cup, I got,
I got, it's all her crap, it's all young girls.
Yeah, and they love,
tables of young 20 year old something girls
who are fucking like punching
each other.
How fucking I mean, she's murdering and Ross is going up next and me and Keith, we fucking
ran, ran to the village on the ground.
He's excited.
Well, yeah, this is before the stroke.
We were so excited.
You know how excited we were and Liz, the manager, was excited.
She knows about the fight going out.
I go on stage.
First couple of jokes worked.
So I don't look at it at three for three.
But then I didn't see Bobby and Keith go to the back corners of each side of the road.
And after every joke
because I was a little crowd got like me.
Just hearing those guys groaning in the back,
thought they were just other audience members that were offended,
and they all turned so quick.
And all you saw was Liz and my fucking your cracking up in the back.
And he's too fucking deaf.
You know, these are the funniest times in comedy.
Yeah.
I got a, we got to, we got to do it.
We'll do it.
We wrapped this up.
I do an extra little thing for my Patreon people right now.
So we've been an hour.
We're going to wrap it up.
We're going to do an extra 10 minutes if you can hang around. Shotsyultzee. And I want to talk to you about, I want to talk to
you about what the fuck is, what you're doing down there, what you plan down there, and how you're
gonna take over the fucking planet. And we already established your hypocrite. So don't listen to anything that you say
because you will switch it up at any moment
if it suits you or it's a good career move.
So that's good, I'm glad you're...
What you moved to my accent.
You went where on NECKELUS with an RK on it.
Or you know what, dude.
If I give you a, you know what, dude.
I would, I actually want to get
a Robert Kelly necklace made in the same way so I can start wearing it around the seller.
We should do that. I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I would put a, I right, good. Okay. I mean, no one completely soft.
I get you people like, oh, that's cool.
I like that.
It looks good on you.
I guarantee it.
So we're going to be talking about that.
And, uh, Schultz, where, what do you got going on?
You just down there doing shows?
We moved down here for four months.
We're coming back in June.
So we basically got the studio down here.
And then we're doing the pods out of here and started doing standup again. And that's been great to get back in June. So we basically got a studio down here and then we're doing the pods out of here
and started doing a standup again
and that's been great to get back on say.
Because they say it's like socially distant
so whatever down here, but it's not at all.
Like it's normal shows actually.
So Voss, what do you got going on?
Where's your shows coming up?
This week at our Mac Chiffs and Morris Plains
and next Wednesday I'll be at Field Gear.
I'll be at, listen, if I don't have to get on a plane,
I'll do a show in your fucking shed.
And that swimsay I'll be at helium.
If I give you 500, will you do that?
Yeah, I'll do it.
500, I'll do a show in your shed.
Yeah, why not?
I'm going to do that.
I'm mentally retired, just not financially retired.
Gabby, what do you got beside you?
You're an insulin, something else. Apparently, no buttons on your shirt. Iby, what do you got? You're an answerless of the house.
Apparently, no buttons on your shirt. I mean, I know you think
I know. Gabby hasn't been tanning.
I looked tan, right? I was in. Fuck. This is me tan.
You where were you? I went to Miami for a second.
Do you understand how a fucking show works? I'm trying to wrap up this segment
and go into the other segment,
and you're fucking going on like,
you're the host, let her give her dates,
and then we're gonna go on the extra 10th
of the Patreon people, okay?
And then you can ask her about her fucking tanning shit.
What are you talking about?
Well, I thought in the dark, my wife hates me if you wanna want me to say? Because he called the target wife hates me.
If you want to hear it on the same network, my wife hate me.
Let me tell you something.
I want to say this.
It's the fucking best podcast in the world right now.
Andrew's getting a text from his agent.
Get off the show.
It's her now.
It's my favorite podcast.
One of my favorites. You got to check it out. Um, Gabby, what do you got?
Um, follow me on Instagram and Twitter,
at Gabby's Brian, I'm doing outdoor shows and indoor shows in New York.
I'm at the stand on the 19th of April and then sign up for my newsletter in the
link in my bio.
Yeah.
And I have a podcast called on a bash podcast.
Everybody loves a newsletter.
That's the new thing.
Say it every podcast.
Why don't you?
Well, it gets people to fucking want to see it because they hate me and they like you.
So there you go.
Um, mush, what do you got?
Suarez.
Follow me at that Mike V. Suarez.
Uh, I'll be that.
I'm.
That's regular now.
And then I'll be with, uh Wednesday in Philadelphia. And I'll be doing
a top chef recapsho for the Portland season. Nice. All right. There you go. All you fuckers
watching this. Thanks for watching and make sure you check out all the people on here.
I mean, Andrews, you know, who he is, Vos Gabby, mush me, you know what? They will go
into the extra 10, which is whatever it is on the Patreon only
become a member of patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. Join that shit. Pick a level. I don't
give a shit. If you're watching me here, join me there. Don't be an ass. We got a bunch
of people on YouTube and we don't get the fuck over on Patreon right now. And there you
go. Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and subscribe subscribe review do all that shit. I know you fucking Andrew is telling me that's not the
way you do it. You got to be nice to these people. I'm just gonna thank you very
much. Give me one sec true. Yeah. Yeah. Real quick. Anybody with ten bucks I
want you guys to read and do something fucking exciting.
Okay.
I'm going to read the other ones.
Ready.
Daniel Bryan.
Thank you.
Anthony Thomas.
You're the shit.
Steve Reedy.
What the fuck?
Go ahead.
Then that's you.
Then Langstaff.
What's that?
Leslie.
What is it?
Leslie Vios.
Leslie Vios.
Thank you.
Good.
I mean, thank you guys.
No, I like Vos's better.
Okay.
You can tell you both made it.
Okay.
Let's do it Vos.
We have to talk,. Thank you, James. Three, six, five, three, what's up?
Andy, you motherfucker, go.
Kristen Makana.
Okay, keep going. That's it. That's it.
I'll see you soon, man. All right.
Vosity.
So long.
Bye, guys.
I'll see you later.
Okay.
Gabby.
Make sure to check out Gabby, you know, stuff.
Uh, I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation.
I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation.
I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation.
I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation.
I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation.
I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation.
I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation.
I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation.
I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation.
I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation.
I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation.
I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation.
I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation.
I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation.
I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation. I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation. I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation. I'm going to get a little bit of a conversation. I'm see you later. Okay. Gabby.
Screen.
Make sure you check out Gabby, you know, stuff.
Mike V Swars and all he's doing.
He's going to be with Vos next weekend.
I'm all over the fucking state.
What's that next Wednesday and
helium next weekend next Wednesday at Helium.
Go to Robert Kelly live.com.
I'm all over the place.
Chicago last week sold out shows.
You guys fucking I had a great week at the rock club,
the theater, a laugh factory.
I did a couple rehabs, fucking amazing shows.
Thanks for coming out.
Comicwearables.com.
You get my merch.
We're gonna get that necklace up there soon.
The arcade dude necklace, go get your YKWD wearables at comicswearables.com.
Subscribe, review, like, thumbs up.
If you thumbs down, I hope you fucking hit a tree in your car.
God bless you guys.
We'll see you guys next week.
Thanks to Ladybugs and all the fans. We'll see you guys next week. Thanks to ladybugs and all the fans.
We'll see you guys next week on You Know What The Podcast. Take care. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.
you