Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Ari Shaffir | Back Row Face
Episode Date: December 11, 2022$100 off your first month at Talkspace.com, promo code YKWD Robert Kelly "Kill Box" AVAILABLE NOW at LouisCK.com https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://instagram.com/robertkellylive http://youtube.co...m/@ykwdpodcast https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día.
Donde nadie pregunta de dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene.
Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en preno, conocernos y no creer olvida.
Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía.
Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra.
Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.
Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga.
Un humenaje de de mao a Madrid.
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en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. Solicitate veca en fundación la caixa.org He's back again. Old school, back in the day. We're all starting before them all. I'm feeling like I can't die you this. This podcast is so fun and crazy.
And there's no rules.
Shut up, you ruining this.
Work the program, I'm sorry.
It's a comedy podcast.
This is an NPR.
That's what the podcast does.
Is there any better show?
This is the original.
Original.
Original, original. Yeah, what's up everybody?
Some notes right out of the gate for your theme song.
This is, we have a...
Nobody knows what NPR is, it's an old theme song.
This is an NPR, doesn't even play anymore because people like, what do you even refer?
I changed the theme song to this for you.
Ready?
Okay.
This is the new theme song to the show.
Oh.
If I had a producer that had fucking anything,
yeah.
It would play right now.
It would play.
But because my producer's panicking right now
behind the board and she's only four two.
Mush Mike Michelle.
Mush.
Mush Mike Michelle.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
Mush Mike Michelle.
She doesn't have internet.
Am I correct? Yes. Or know't have internet, am I correct?
Yes.
Or know how, or drive.
Like all the jazz ears.
You didn't tell me that you couldn't pick it up.
So now you made me look a fool.
I'm sorry, Bobby.
She's such a sorry, but she's just playing you lip service.
She doesn't give a fuck at all.
You felt it, right?
Yeah, I'm sorry, Bobby.
That was not, yeah, you can hear eyes roll.
Gotta get back to TikTok. I gotta get back to TikTok.
I gotta get back to the fuck that here's a scenario, boys.
They have a shot.
Too ugly.
They are too.
Mike would be the chance if he didn't have
fucking gray hair.
Yeah, Mike went gray.
I mean, he looks old as shit.
He looks old.
That's the reason why he's such a failure.
It's people like, why give a chance to someone
who's a known failure?
And he's like, no, I've been around for four years.
I'm sure you have, geese.
He really has road hack hair.
Yeah.
He's like, I don't pay go up with the drinks of fruit.
Yeah, dude, I have my shirts in the bag, my car, and a hanger.
I go Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
And Sunday, if I'm looking.
Yeah, dude.
Oh, Mike.
Why doesn't he die?
I died my hair. The Keith still dies't he die I died my hair the Keith still dies his hair I
Died my hair for years. Slopper. Wait, but still does it. We call it the medicine the medicine. What do you mean?
We just called it the medicine did my beard hair today. Yeah, you died a little bit. Yeah, yeah, just take out the
Dude, I went to Target today to get some fucking just for men. I was like, excuse me. She's just stalking stuff
So you you be you right. This is the where's the camera there? Yeah, the cameras there. You're chemistry. So this is what I'm seeing
Why are you there's your camera there's my okay?
There's your right there. It's like I'm just like like excuse me. Yeah, gonna help you with
I was like
Do you have just a minute? No
I wanted to be like you don't even want to work here. Do you have just a minute? No. Target.
I wanted to be like, you don't even want to work here.
Do you?
But here's a thing in that.
I just mentioned this to I was at a cigar place.
I say it.
I'm a little Joe and I'm a lot of sun.
Go. We're at the, but it's, it's not, it's everywhere.
I was at the restaurant the other night, the guy was a dick.
We were at, we were at a place yesterday.
I mean, they don't give a fuck.
The guy fuck didn't, didn't bring anything forgot,
forgot our food came.
And we had no silverware.
So like 10 minutes.
Yeah, and then if you ask them,
they're like, oh, shit.
It's not like, oh, fuck,
clearly you can't eat until you've had this.
It's bad enough if it's hot sauce.
I want to have everybody with hot sauce.
But with silverware, it's like shit.
I had soup. I had soup. What am I want to have everybody with hot sauce. But with silverware, it's like shit. I had soup.
I had soup.
What am I supposed to do?
Did you get a straw?
Getting cold?
Yeah.
Well, straws are not-
And then you get up and go get them and they're like,
they sit on the-
Look at you as you're coming over.
They're like, here he comes.
No, I come to get the shit that I need.
I'll still tip you because I guess you figured it out
that no one actually puts in the tip to work.
Here's the thing, everybody's given the excuse to do
it's hard to find good people right now.
Nobody wants to work.
What?
Get Mexicans.
Get Mexicans.
Mexicans will work and they fuck, they're the shit.
I was just a Mexican.
They're the best.
They love working.
They will work and they have to, look,
they, you have to explain, you have to hold stuff up
sometimes and be like fork, but, dude have to explain, you have to hold stuff up sometimes and be like fork, but dude, Mexican people,
every Mexican waiter I've ever had is solid as a rock.
The best.
The best.
There's nothing worse, there's two people I hate at a restaurant.
The front door girls.
Reader to make you feel unwelcome.
Yeah, they're fucking, you know, they're 16 to 18 year old,
they're always on their phone and they hate you.
Yeah. They hate you.
Yeah, a lot of mush Michelle's friends.
Yeah, a lot of Michelle's her name's Nicole,
but yes, Nicole's friends.
I mean, I went in the other day,
this is what, this is me and my wife
got no big fight about this.
Cause I don't like to wait.
I don't, I'd rather go at five o'clock
when nobody's there and go in, sit down, have a meal, and leave.
I do not like restaurants.
I don't like crowded people,
because when people get into that,
I get it, who's getting in the door?
We're walking from the car,
and there's another family that was racing us.
Race in to get in front of us.
To get in front of us.
If they're coming at you, I get it.
If they're behind you, we both know God damn well we're doing.
All you're asking us to do is run and you run. We're both going to be the same place or have no more, let
you run past us. No, if you're coming at us, okay, if you come behind us, be a fucking gentleman.
And, and of course they were, they were like, come on, let's go. They, they, he rushed their kids.
I had to give up because I, I get rageful. Yeah. And I don't want to get rageful.
I'm not sure. Then we get into the door, we get in the door and it's packed.
Because the lady was on the phone. No, there shouldn't be anybody. We don't
take reservations under four. And I was like, just say we have four.
And they didn't show up. How do they know? Yeah. Just get a
reservation. No, they said, it'll be fine. They don't care
about you, don't they don't care about me. They don't care
what the lady did have just for men. We get there. Of course
she did. Of course they we get this packed packed and then they're like yeah to 30 minute wait the rage inside of me that just immediately came up
I just I walked outside. I just had to go outside and
And she left the name and then we came back 30 minutes later. I walk up to the girl again. Yeah, I'm like, hey
We it's been 35 minutes. It was 35 minutes.
How long?
She goes, I don't know, sir.
We have to take reservations first.
So I don't know.
I go, wait a minute.
You said it was gonna be 30 minutes for my wait.
Yeah, where'd you come with that number?
Now you don't know?
Then a guy comes over.
Of course, the manager, I got a table for you right now.
You've been waiting a long time.
I get it.
This bitch.
She's bitch. You gotta go over something to head. I was at the Toronto airport layover yesterday
You should see somebody some lady she was so I was a repassenged like no actually
I need to just watch your manager supervisor, please
She's like I'm done with you going okay, I'll be a it's just right away. You got a bit. No, no, no, no
I got it. You don't care. It's fine. It's fine
I want to let well I understand it and I appreciate it.
The lack of caring at work now.
As an employee, as a long time employee, I get it.
No harm, as a customer, I don't love it.
But I disagree with you.
I say, find a way to not do as much work
that will affect the company, but not the customer.
Case in point. Case in point.
Case in point? You want one?
Yep.
Okay, when I worked at Grossman's Bargain Outlet, and it was a lumber yard with all kinds of
things. It's like a home depot, but the little version, you know, fucking weird warped plywood,
a fucking broken vacuum, Indoor Outdoor Carpet.
I would roll myself up in the Indoor Outdoor outdoor carpet and take a nap on the company's dime
I made a little camp inside of the the insulation that I could crawl up into and take a nap
I made a little thing upstairs where I could go up and have lunch and chill out
But if I but customers I was always
As they can report you well, no because I, look, dude, I'll help you.
What do you need?
I rolled out of the guy rolled me out of the
interruptor cup one day and I said, hey, can I help you?
And I helped.
I'm ready for it.
Ready to help.
I went to, what's the, what's the donut place in Portland?
Voodoo donuts.
Yeah, overrated.
Overrated.
It was one of the first ones you get wild donuts.
So it's like, oh, interesting.
And then you're like, it's too sweet.
It's, yeah, it's good.
And I asked the lady, I was like,
okay, I'm gonna get, can I get a t-shirt?
It's a cool t-shirt.
Yeah.
That upstairs, this was 10, 12 years ago.
This isn't today.
But that's a hipster.
And I just stared there and she stared back.
Yeah. No t-shirt.
No t-shirt.
No, she never was like, let me get it for you.
Why don't you be like, oh, get it. It was was just like they're upstairs. You didn't say go get it. No I was
waiting for her to come to that realization that she would have to get it. She didn't.
Yeah. This is why I hate video but I love it because instance like that you could
fuck me like I just wanted to see this bitch wouldn't get me a t-shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
But I wouldn't I could never do that myself. It would ruin her.
Even, I mean, this is 12 years later.
She's probably a mother of three now.
You know, it's like, it's like, it would get a fire
from her current job.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
I could never do it.
But there's some instances where it actually is effective.
I don't like when they do it to come.
I don't like when they do it to come.
So there's nothing recognizable.
Any defining characters of a clue that you can get
or just like a blank face, you know.
It was just like, you know that scene and what's that movie
that's based on TV show?
And one of them was a guy, was a guy in the wing
with William Shatter trying to fucking destroy the wing.
It's like a horror show.
It's a Twilight Zone.
Twilight Zone, thank you.
And one of them was the guy took away the ladies' mouth.
Yeah.
Remember the little boy?
Yeah, so do that with the whole face.
You could do that with the human.
The shame filter.
Yeah, it's like, hey, I want to shame this person.
I want to put it up online because everyone needs to see it.
But I understand it's too much the reaction.
Right.
Everyone gets fired at me, it's really.
So like, take away all the defining characteristics.
Yeah.
I still think she, I still, how about this?
This is my, this is my app, I think she'll have two apps,
which I really want.
I want an app that is a video recorder
that is, you know how you have your little things
on your phone, the little blocks of apps,
you get like all the apps.
Okay, so in one of those apps is the,
you could see the video you're recording.
So it's not your whole screen,
it's because when you're recording people,
the people behind you see you recording.
And they look, they give it to hell.
So if you have that up,
and it's just in one of those little things,
you could be recording people
without people knowing you're recording.
And they're recording like, no what?
Yeah, cause they could walk by,
but I'm like, wait, I'm talking about it,
I'm just looking at my apps.
That's a good one.
That's a good one.
And then another one is this. Ready?
Yeah.
Back row face.
Back row face.
Comedy clubs.
Yeah.
Comedy clubs.
People who talk.
People who are assholes.
People who fucking just look at you like a sh- like they hate they have it a shit time.
Yeah.
You take a picture of the face.
And then it recognizes them.
And we finally are.
And they get put into the app and any comedy club
they go to, they can never be in the front row.
They always have to get back row.
Can they wipe it clean, or is it like a forever?
They can earn.
You can earn.
You can earn by being quiet the whole time.
By not being talked to four times.
Right.
Four comedy stuff.
And you know what they'll do is they'll be like,
well, let me try to do something to delete my rating my my rating and you know it's be quiet the whole time
You have to because not that you can do the deleted right up. You know three times in the back at the end of your thing
Back row phase and then at the end of four of them you get up to the middle and if you make the middle you do five
Mittles you can back up the front round now. We know you're a comedy fan, right? You know the rules you can't make this face
Now we know you're a comedy fan. You know the rules.
You can't make this face.
Yeah, and it'd be nice if you had some implants in your,
so like as you're doing it, you know,
that same lady keeps bothering you,
you keep bothering you,
and then you just go like this, go.
She's been back roughest.
Back rough, it's in your eyes.
It's in your eyes.
Yeah, that's important.
Straight to the comedy club.
Yeah, she's like,
whoa, what would you just do?
I put your back up.
And I told you to be quiet already.
Shut the fuck up. Yeah. That's it. Right, what'd you just do? I put you on back. I told you to be quiet already. Shut the fuck up.
Yeah.
That's it.
Right, that'd be great.
That'd be great if the chair actually moved.
Move.
Yeah, exactly.
Does move then it just like shuffled back there.
That's why I love what Louis did with his tickets.
He made them all 40 bucks.
Because what that does is you get fans.
Yeah.
You know, because rich people, cons,
who do you really, they just want to be upfront.
Well, the worst is Miami, the high really, they just want to be up front. Well, the worst is Miami.
They, the high rollers.
They just want to be high rollers.
So, but also they don't come.
Now, because like, I'll buy a $200 ticket.
See if I care.
That's Italian, not Miami.
But now I'm realizing there is a lot of overlap in the trashiness.
A lack of, or Cubans?
Man, not just Miami.
Well, Miami is either Jewish or Cuban.
And it's just that, I mean, I'm a Miami. Yeah, it's gay. It, Miami is either Jewish or Cuban. Yeah, it's just that fucking...
I mean, Miami.
Yeah, it's gay.
It's gay Cuban.
To gay, yeah.
To Cuban.
But like, yeah, and then they don't show
so the whole front row is empty,
which is better than being there.
I had a little turner back to me.
It was so mad.
Really?
In Miami.
Literally, do a school shooting joke.
I was like, have you ever had one here?
And she goes, yeah, the worst one.
And I was like, not gonna keep going.
And so I kept going.
And she's like, look who's calling.
Ooh, Max.
Now is that Max?
Deroce from live YKWD with the great Ari Shafir.
Have you do special out?
Oh, God almighty.
By the way, that has nothing to do with what he was gonna say.
He just, that's how he talks normally.
Yeah, I know.
That's nothing to do with me being.
What's that? Shut the fuck up what's that shut the fuck up he said shut the fuck up
really no no no not really you promoted your special enough
hey man we got to do we got to do man yeah we got to promote me i mean it's on
it's on youtube right now it's called you and it's got 4.3 million views
yeah almost as many as killbox on luick.com right now it's called Jew and it's got 4.3 million views.
Almost as many as Killbox on luicck.com.
Those people really come together, don't they?
They really do.
Sorry I got to promote my stand-up comedy
and not a fucking new sausage sandwich.
There we go. There we go.
Hey, fresh butter. Hang on one second.
All the fixins.
Do you have a new sauce to sandwich, Joe?
Joe, you should get one.
Oh my God.
It's an all out of steam.
One might be coming up there.
Ooh, excited.
I'm more excited than my special.
Will you come on my podcast and promote it and bring one?
Yeah, of course I will.
Joe, can we do an Elvis already?
Some sort of meat and peanut butter?
Maybe a heart salami and peanut butter?
No, you already asked me about that.
I don't want to do that. It's gross.
I'm gonna do it with your fuck.
What are you guys talking about?
We're talking about, we're talking about...
Right now, back row face.
If you could just see somebody in the audience
and just like mark them and from then on,
it's a shitty audience member,
they can only come in the back row.
Yeah, they go on an app,
go back row face.
And if you get, if you talked,
if you're an asshole, if you don't laugh,
you get back row face. We take a picture of you. Anytime you're an asshole if you don't laugh you get back row face
We take a picture of you anytime you go to a comedy club. It flags you social credit score for comedy
Yeah, you can only get back row and you have to earn your way back up into the front row
All right, that's cool. It wouldn't like it. Yeah, it's a great app, right?
It would be 99.2% women. Yeah
It would be 99.2% women. Yeah, a lot of women are there back.
It would be all fucking women.
It really would.
I hold the wall chicks.
How the fuck the dad happened?
How did it become women of just the worst at a comedy club?
Did he get so offended they shaped their head?
It's because every guy is used to just like,
I'll have a moment of silence, but women are like I'm running it
Every guy in my life listen who's this guy now?
I think it's starting with letting them vote. Yeah, I just kind of went from there. Yeah, yeah, we stopped making them flinch
Jesus Oh my god. Jesus. Alright.
Well, there you go.
I was calling you to talk shit.
I can't do it.
You dumb fucking show was going.
God damn it.
Anyway, he's so mean.
You're special Jew is killing it.
Yeah, it's doing really well.
People are fucking forward into each other and watching it.
Did you think it was gonna get this many views?
Not this many views.
How many did you think it was gonna get?
What would you have been happy with?
After a month based on the current climate and everything,
you know, with some specials already being out on YouTube
and about my level of mid-level fame,
and comedy, if I get to a million after a month,
I'd be pretty stoked.
Really?
Yeah.
And it's 4.3, it's not even a month.
Not even a month.
I mean, this is outrageous.
We're gonna have to wait a half weeks.
It's outrageous.
It's outrageous.
Now you must be a millionaire.
No, that's not how it works.
No.
It's probably a bit slain to do the financials of releasing a bunch of afraid. I mean. that's how it works. That's how it works. That's how it works. That's how it works. That's how it works. That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works.
That's how it works. That's how it works. That's how it works. That's how it works. That's how it works. Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I paid for my special the first week.
You paid for it or Louis paid for it?
Louis paid for it, but it paid for itself.
In the first week.
First week paid for it.
Well, just like you, in the first week,
I paid for the candles.
In the back job.
There's a lot of candles.
A lot of candles.
I'm gonna say a lot of candles.
I mean, I was, at some point, I don't know if I would do
the candles again, because I was really watching those candles. They were, I was at some point, I don't know if I would do the candles again, because
I was really watching those candles. They were kind of hypnotic.
That was great.
It was kind of hypnotic.
That was pretty.
And they weren't blurred. There was no bokeh. It was, they were just, they were, they
were focused.
They were there. And the tight shots, they were, they blur, but the long shots, they
were all very, very clear. You can see the wicks.
Yeah, but um yeah I
gotta I think I got my first check coming yeah yeah you made money I did not I lost a lot of money
uh I did put out for like like donations like on YouTube you can donate or like paypal event
mo those have started to come in good man people should do that if you if you like the special and
you love our donate whatever you want yeah I said like instead of charging of charging me above front, I'm like, you watch it.
I don't know what your financials are like,
but if you've got three extra dollars,
you probably do and you really liked it,
then fucking throw me three dollars.
Here's what bugs me about the 4.3 million
and you have, I believe, 190 subs.
So 192,000.
Is it 192,000?
Yeah.
Okay, subs. I feel like you should have more subs. Each one, but who? I feel like people who watched it,000. Is it 192,000? Okay, subs. I feel like you should have more subs.
I eat one.
I feel like people who watched it,
most people enjoyed this thing.
But who subscribes to a YouTube?
I don't mind it.
But who goes, you know what?
I'm gonna go, like I see a video.
I see seven videos, but I say,
well, I'm like, this is so funny,
but I don't go, oh, let me subscribe.
I do subscribe.
Because I know that it means something to that person,
but also I would love for you to get one of those plaques.
It's 70,000 up.
Well, did you get a plaque?
120.
They offered me one at 100.
And what did you say?
I said, I've got to fill something out.
Why, why wouldn't you fill it up for the shits
and giggles of it?
Because Bobby, I had this thing I call space porn.
And it comes when you live in Manhattan,
in which you have no space.
And so you just view things as,
oh, wouldn't that be awesome?
Kind of like real estate porn.
You ever do that or travel porn, you know?
And space porn is like, ah, what a cool couch.
I mean, no way.
You can never fit it there.
But at the point, we're like, look at this plaque.
So cool. I mean, it would just, it would be in storage. I feel terrible no way. Can never fit it there. But at the point, we're like, look at this plaque, so cool.
I mean, it would just, it would be in storage.
I feel terrible right now.
I feel terrible.
Why?
You're putting me in that position.
Remind me, you got me something.
I got you something.
You got me a YouTube plaque.
I got you something before you're special.
I already recorded it, Bobby, it's too Yeah, that's that's for you. What?
What just open that up
That's for you liquor
I'm not gonna tell you is it liquor from one's no, it's I'm not gonna tell you robin liquors and Williamsburg P.A
No, that's not robin liquors. You can get all your finest liquor from both
Williamsburg PA. No, that's not. Of robin and liquors, you can get all your finest liquor
from both acidic liquors, like menacevets,
to the biggie smalls kinds, like Hennessy,
robin and liquors in Williamsburg.
That's not it here. You're gonna need this.
Yeah, just like we gave those guys before 9-11.
Oh, I said too much, cut that out.
I don't want to know what's about that.
Don't cut the bag, take it out of the bag.
Oh, I'm gonna waste a bag. You didn't of the bag. Oh, I'm gonna waste a bag.
You didn't see the special,
you think I'm gonna waste a bag.
Fuck it.
Come on, you know how many Phil Delphiac cream cheeses,
empty containers are my parents closet?
There's still one.
I don't cut yourself here,
that you're using knife.
It's kind of way for me.
Cut towards yourself.
It has haul.
I cut a nice shirt.
I was opening one of my shirts and I fucking sliced it right up.
Oh, you know, don't put your finger in front of the knife.
Oh, my God, you're the worst.
Oh, my God.
OK, you can rip it now.
You can rip it now.
That's, oh, OK, put the knife down.
You're the,
this is terrible, there you go, there you go.
All right, there you go, now let me see the knife,
let me do it, let me do it.
You can't do it, please don't cut yourself,
you have a lot of things to do today,
nope, nope, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
give it to me, give me the knife. I got it, no, no. No, no, give it to me.
Give me the knife.
I got it.
All right, I got it.
All right, gentle, gentle, don't hurt yourself.
Do you not open it?
No.
All right, just, hey, you can do that too.
If you want me to just throw it like that.
Bubble wrap!
Oh!
I love this.
Yeah. That was your toy as a kid, right?
That was one of your eight toys.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Well, what do we got?
What do we have here?
What?
A computer. What? What? Humidifier
What? Oh my god hang on let me get this what?
That's so cool. There you go buddy. It's a humidifier with chew on the cover
It's just specials name your special name. I spent all right
Also just who I am I guess. Yeah, wow. It's got the fucking yeah hydrangeometer
You word for me this year
How beautiful is that we swish your sweets already in here?
What we got here I go buddy and that is
What? What do we got here?
Here you go, buddy.
And that is...
This is a wow.
Well, that is a fan of mine, a fan of yours, who's a word woodworker.
What?
Isn't that beautiful?
That's airtight.
Dude, that is a humidor.
You can put...
What I use mine for, his name is Nick Brattish, BRATSCH.
Is he that one,
he see that woodworking the fucks kids?
That came right?
No, this is a different one.
Nick Bratt.
No, this guy's married.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, this is natural tech woodworking
on Instagram.
He is great, but he made me a beautiful one,
but I love it because
number one, you can, um, how great is that? So cool. It's beautiful, right?
It's love. And from a pedophile. think fucking kids is wrong. I gotta rethink that now
I really gotta rethink that because with a hydrogen meter already in there. How do you how do you moisten this?
You know I talk about radish
There you go. What do you love it?
You like it?
I love it.
It's so cool.
Thanks, man.
Yeah.
You got one of these for your special.
I did, but I was like, I think you should have one.
It'd be good because you can put the cigars.
You're going to smoke.
Yeah.
Leave them in there.
Yeah.
Leave the ones in your humanoid.
If you're going to smoke a bunch of them, put them in there.
This is going to open and close. They dry a little. I don't like a wet set. You're like a 69. in there, leave the ones in your humanoid, if you're gonna smoke a bunch of them, put them in there, they kinda...
This is gonna open and close.
They dry a little, I don't like a wet-sick one.
You're like a 69, I like a 72.
I like a wet wet, because it goes out.
I like a dryer cigar.
How do you keep this moist?
You just dip it in water.
Dip it in just still water.
Yeah, just still water.
Just still water, yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
You can pull it off, pull it off.
It's a magnet.
Oh.
See, you take that and you put that in water. You can pull it off pull it off. It's a magnet. Oh, so you take that
And you put that in water. You just like yeah, it's still water You can pour it on and then you put it back in or you can just get a beveeta back and throw it
Yeah, wow
That's so cool. That's made. I mean dude. That's made from hand. I mean he I'll be honest the one you have is cooler
Why because his name your special is kill box. Yeah, and it's a box
Yeah, but they might think it's like a gold teeth in there like later
Yeah, yeah, yeah, what was this made from like recycled products? Let's not say we're got them
You should put a whole old Jewish stuff in there. Yeah, you know like a sleeve patch one of those patches
Yeah, that's awesome. Thank you. Oh, you got it, man. She made her a her drometer.
Yeah.
So I watch a special, I tell you,
it's you're really.
The available for free right now, guys,
everybody just go out and watch it.
It's free and I can't believe it's free.
I mean, I can't believe it.
It's one of, it's probably your best thing you've done yet.
I mean, you're so calm, you're so funny.
The crowd is so good, they're on your side.
You can tell they get your shit.
Yeah.
And, and that was cool.
The great crowd, man.
Unbelievable crowd.
And it looked, it looked beautiful.
Yeah, we had mixed your two because it was just in Brooklyn.
And I think some people just heard like it was happening,
you know, because we had to fill it up.
We had to fill four shows. So to sell 1700 tickets, so it's like you know trying to get it done
And I think they got the word out, you know fawn help me like spread so some people like oh go watch a comedy show about Jews
Okay, yeah, and so some people with and there were some Orthodox Jews in there and that's what's happened
They were like what the fuck?
Were they cool with it though? They were cool with it, but a little bit like,
I did not see this coming.
They thought it was gonna be hopefully some moody.
And then this was like, on a different,
it was just like, oh, I kinda, this is funny,
but what?
Why does he curse so much?
But you didn't, you don't curse.
I fucking curse.
I say fucking, fucking, fucking.
Yeah.
You are outrageous, a little dirty, maybe over the line creen, se creen. Sí. Tú eres un rato de un poco de peor, o sea, sobre la vida,
pero no creen.
Me creen.
Un poco, pero no mucho.
Sí, porque yo era un poco de peor.
Yo era un extorno, yo, ¿no?
Tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno,
tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno,
tres por uno.
Esta es la tres por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar
tu del tres por uno en medianas a domicidios solo pidiendo el line.
¿Saparao?
Tres por uno, tres por uno.
Ah, no, no, no.
¡Dominos!
Pizza.
Sí.
¿No te pudo hacer esto?
Pero no.
Pero es que es un poco de concurso, así que hay más de un poco de concurso.
Sí, sí.
Sí, sí.
Es bueno, el funniest joke, ¿no sé si es el funniest joke?
Sí, me voy a ir a la Kevin. What's your favorite is?
When you say
Where your big fucking nose up there the whole time?
I mean your ears are outrageous my ears are big dude your ears. That's why we're in these cans
I mean you I mean you should wear those all the time. You should wear those on stage. I should get the beats by dry
Yeah, I just have them. I mean, your ears, I'll fucking note.
I don't know how they pop up.
I mean, you look like the propaganda Nazi photos for Jews.
Like...
Best joke of this party, you ready?
Wait, wait, hold on.
Oh, God.
Ha, ha, ha. You look like this. Yeah. This is fucking uncomfortable. You look like that or you look like Noz Faratu, the first one. Noz Faratu.
All right. Let's hear you., I wanna hear your favorite joke.
I do love hearing people's favorites.
When you said, I'm the second smartest race,
and you don't say a word.
You don't say a word, and immediately, I'm going,
and I start going through them, and then you go,
I mean, perfect timing. You're Korean.
Korean.
And you just go, I don't, it was so good.
It's such a perfect joke.
It's the shortest joke I've ever written.
I'm proud of it, so I don't mind talking about it.
But it's the cell the first one
with the second smartest race in the world
as a payoff to something else.
Still yelling my mom about that.
Right.
Of course I know shit, mom, I'm the second smartest race.. It's like that's the funny line I'm throwing in her face.
That's how smart we are.
And then it's like, wait, second.
I'm waiting for the crowd as a whole, as a unit.
Get that.
It's like, Korean.
Yeah, because you waited for me the perfect amount of time
before I was like, I gotta look this up.
Like, what the fuck?
Like I was gonna figure it out myself. And I kept going through it. And I was like, I gotta look this up, like both the fuck. Like I was gonna get figured out myself,
and I kept going through it,
and I was like, I don't know what the fuck you went, Korean.
I was like, thank you, I needed that, I needed that joke.
So if you didn't do that joke, if you said that,
and never did that joke, I would fucking,
it might have fucked me up for the next three times.
Yeah, exactly.
And it's also one word. I don't have to go, the smartest race is Korea.
Just, I know what you're thinking without saying it.
I know what you're thinking.
It's a one word punchline.
Oh my God, did that fucking, that joke made me feel good.
I was laughing at that.
Like I was like, that is the best,
probably one of my favorite jokes.
It's like Patrice's joke.
I always kill it, but he said,
you know, my girls, my girls moved with me for six years.
I've been with her for three months.
It's like, so simple.
I'm murdering it, but it's like that type of shit makes me laugh.
Yeah.
Yeah, thanks.
My friend Lawrence Har, my old commercial agent,
he called, he's Korean.
He's like, was that joke about me?
I'm like, it was Lawrence.
It was, you're the first time I realized
there's another smart race out there.
You know, special was different because it was,
I don't wanna compare it to Colin Quinn,
but it was, there was a lot of facts.
There was like actually history in it.
There's definitely similarities to Rutsley Blue State.
Well, there's history in it.
The only similarities that you actually have, it is about something. Yeah. And there's history in it. There's definitely similarities to Retsley Blue State. Well, there's history. The only similarities that you actually have, it is about something.
Yeah.
And there's history in it, like where you're listening to it, where you start explaining things,
but you're doing it such a fucked up, re-funny way that it's, I just, I loved it,
dude. I thought it was great. Yeah, there's a few people, there's a
go normal way of talking that politicians never use, you know?
Just like, oh, the reason the fucking,
what's the word, where the fucking price of everything
goes up, inflation.
Inflation.
It's because people were out of work and says,
now it's like they slow down building,
now they're picking up.
You can talk about it normally.
When you hear an economist say, you're like, you lose him.
Right.
So I want to explain shit normally to people.
But also all the bits are just like standard club bits, you know.
Yeah.
They all had a fallen Norman.
That was my rule.
They all got a fallen Norman.
What do you mean?
Every one of these bits has to be able to fall Norman to the fucking stand of the seller.
Why is he just a killer?
He's a killer.
So you would go up after him and that bit didn't work.
It wasn't.
I might get it's not good enough yet.
I got to punch it up.
That's what you got? Yeah, I got to make it conversational. And because it's like, you know, I'm like, it's not good enough yet. I gotta punch it up. That's what you guys mean. Yeah, I gotta make it conversational
and because it's like, you know, on the road, it's my crowd.
I go with me places, but like, I gotta make it
so that people who don't, I don't have 4.3 million fans.
You know, it's 592,000.
How come that happens?
It's a rest or not fans.
I have 4.1 people who are seeing me for the first time.
4.1 million people like, who's this? Have you been on the road since the special?
One week I'm about to go and
It's all out. Yeah, so you're done
What you already sold out no not the whole run of the road
But I'm selling tickets already like in March from selling like I'm like 15% sold out in San Jose
It just went on sale yeah adding a show event Hoover and February. I felt the same thing like the two weekends I had after that would just be big.
Yeah, also also it's because you're on a lot of podcasts.
Yeah.
And then you're funny in podcasts.
People go like, Oh, yeah, that guy's funny.
Oh, he's going to be here.
Yeah.
Let's just see him.
Yeah.
I heard a song in the radio.
Um, like college radio was an MPR because that's no one knows what that is.
What the fuck are you talking about the the the themes?
I got to switch the theme song up. Yeah, switch the themes off. This is an MPR
This American life. Hey, hey
Xerox Gen Xerox
What's what's a what's a new like like an MPR style podcast?
There's one and they always like really edit their stuff really well.
Radio lab.
That's too wordy. This is a radio lab. It doesn't work.
This is an NPR. You think radio labs a long way from that.
NPR is three letters.
All right. Four syllables instead of three. NPR, Bing, radio lab.
It's like, yeah, come on, dude.
I'm not fucking, I'm not a Motown producer,
but I know that doesn't work.
Yeah, all right.
Right?
All right, fair.
Right?
Yeah, dude.
I'm not positive, but fair.
I get you, dude.
Listen, but here's the thing.
That's the theme song.
The theme song, I have the original theme song.
What's the original?
Can you, can you get the internet back?
No, sorry.
All right, where the fuck, I mean this.
She's trying to get the internet back.
She's the original.
The original one, Joe to Rosamade.
He actually sang it, did all this stuff.
It's like the cheese in the middle of it.
Original YKWD was kind of tacky and nerdy.
Yeah.
You know what, dude?
It was Jeroza.
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one?
Yeah, remember that one. Yeah, remember that one. Yeah, remember that one. Yeah, remember that one. Yeah, remember fucking tell me I need a new one. I'm just an expert in fetching, like saying what's wrong with things.
That's my cut's my.
Yeah, I just try to make it all fucking, you know, club funny.
Yeah, it's really funny, dude. It's fucking great.
Thanks.
I'm really, I was so happy when I watched it.
And it is great that it's on YouTube, because I watched it. I watched some of it on a plane.
You can watch it anywhere to the amount of people.
There's zero chance I can get to any people anywhere else
and any other platform.
But you would have made money.
Yeah. You would have made way, you would have made way
much more money than you made.
I would have made more money than I made.
Yeah. For sure.
But it wouldn't, so, so let me get this straight.
Because I, mine's on Louis.
Yeah.
And you know, you had to pay for it, right?
I've made about 40% of my money back.
40, that's not bad.
It's not bad.
It's not bad.
I mean, I'll sell tickets for sure.
Right.
So you're translating tickets now.
Do the beacon in March.
You're doing the beacon by yourself.
Yeah, that's great.
That's crazy.
Yeah. Not on sale yet great. That's crazy. Yeah.
Yeah, not on sale yet, I don't think.
But like, that kind of shit is like,
I'll make the money that way.
Also, this and whatever, it wasn't for money.
I just wanted people to see it.
I worked so hard on this one.
Right.
Is that all so?
I think that's the way specials are going, right?
What?
Just free.
They're already free though, Bob.
What do you mean they're free?
If you, besides yours, if you have Netflix,
and everyone does have Netflix
or have an account you can steal,
a special coming on Netflix,
it's like you're not paying for it.
Seven, seven, seven, seven.
But they pay for it for, for, for, for Squid games and stuff.
The special is just a bonus free thing, you know?
It's just like, how many centuries
you have in a self-market and the, and the old daily show. Right. And then, and then it's like,? It's just like, how many sets of you? How do I self-mark it and the old daily show?
Right.
And then it's like, oh, it's a special,
okay, I guess I'll watch it.
It is free, you're not paying for it, you know?
Maybe in the early HBO days, you were paying for specials.
Right.
Because that was like one of the big things that I had.
But everything in your free now.
But so, but here, the thing,
but you can afford to pay for
your special right but a lot of people do it for like like they said the
comedy stores that they're doing special that get down to $11,000 yeah but
those you have a then it's not special it doesn't look it's not special it's
when you start when you start watering it down yeah it's like that's where it's
like okay Netflix isn't gonna be a special I can't afford a special Louie's
gonna do a special and he's gonna do a special. Louie's gonna do a special.
And he's gonna do it the way he does.
Okay, great.
That's, that to me is special.
It's a pencil.
You're a special.
It depends if you are you doing this for clips.
Are you doing it for, um, to put some out in the world.
Some great and less.
I wanted, I wanted both.
Just saw that fucking Vegas.
I saw that, that Elvis document movie.
Yeah.
Was learning one. Yeah, yeah. and they had the stage you had.
Yeah, yeah.
And I was like, ah, it's a kill box.
That's a kill box.
Yeah, with the red all around.
I was like, yeah, they did it.
They captured kill box quite well.
They did a good job, right?
Yeah, it really did.
But I think that, yeah, I just,
we were gonna do mine here for that.
That was an option.
That was on the table with Louis.
Underground.
Or just in New York.
I already did it in New York.
But somewhere in New York, very cheap, blah, blah, blah.
I was like, yeah, but if we do it this way,
it's going to be cheap.
It's going to be...
Sorry, go ahead.
It's not gonna be fucking...
And it's not to say you shouldn't try
to save money here or there or you can.
It's like Celtic instead of giving free tickets out.
Or, hey, we got a venue for free. It's like sweet. Then let's get, let's not just pay them for no reason.
You know, but like, yeah, how much is your special cost?
Cost a lot. 100,000.
And then some.
Over 100,000. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. It's a lot. Yeah. I mean, the cost just added up. I had to pay a church
fucking five grand to take off. What? I couldn't get through nights in a row. I wanted Friday
Saturday and I Friday was a thing they couldn't cancel it all. Sunday, like, fuck, only one day. God
damn it. I wanted to do two nights. And then there were like, there's a church thing on something.
And then somebody, one of my producers, like, you know,
religion is now for profit. Right.
And it's like, I guess they're like, yeah, so let's just pay them.
So you paid the church off?
To take off, yeah, church is dangerous.
You, so people,
A religious service, not a church service, I guess.
People didn't go to church,
they had to cancel church,
because you have fucking filthy special.
Yeah, I can drive, pride fucking what church is it?
I don't know.
Is it a Jesus church or a church?
No, Jesus church.
You fucking fucked us again?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
You think the Jews would have took the day off?
No, they would have said,
that's a good starting offer.
What else?
Yeah, we would have taken the day off.
They would have like, let's go, let's go
Davin and doofy's house. That's wild. You fucking bribe the church. Yeah. So that guy
shit adds up. I had to buy eight air conditioners overnight on Saturday because it was just
swelteringly hot. It was sweltering. I think he couldn't take it. And I remember you
saying that and it was like fine
It wouldn't even that it wouldn't a heat wave out and it was just like
We're gonna AC's I'm like well how much is it cause my get it? I'm not gonna waste all this get it
We had to get eight AC's
Portable ones to take and then do it was like let me hear the sound if I can like if you have to turn them off
Don't show because now you can leave them on like fuck yeah, and then
And my shows are too hot. Yeah.
They were way too hot.
If I ever did a show in Tampa again,
it would be in the winter.
We were in the summer and they put another AC unit,
but it wasn't, it didn't account for the 400 people
that we jammed in there.
The people, so I got, I got 425.
They usually have 400 people in there for tapings.
They got 280 to 320.
I could put 425 in there.
I crammed them in.
Right.
It got too hot.
We did return the AC's next day
You got your money back the same 10 grand on that. Oh my god That's I'm saying save money where you can you know, but I like these aren't gonna work out
I would you know those stupid candles
They mostly burn down. I have I have a couple the candle lovers
Set me a couple and then we were turns on and just like donated them. Yeah candle lovers. Yeah
Send me a couple and then we were turns on and just like donated them. Yeah candle operas. Yeah
Don't need to like because that's the thing when you do that like that set is yours
Yeah, I was like can I have this one? She goes you already have it. Yeah, you own it. It's yours. I'm like, oh really? Oh, yeah, I guess so yeah
Yeah, well she does such a fucking good job Lauren
It was like I was oh man
Yeah, you see how it's been money to make it look at this what but the result is call it was I did such a fucking good job, Lauren. It was like, oh man.
Yeah, you see how it's been money to make it look at. But the result is, Chris D told me
that he was talking to Colin about it.
And he goes, no, I started watching it
and I was like, I gotta get back to it.
But he goes, you watch a special looks a certain way.
And it just commands a certain level of respect
in the viewer going, I don't know, this is real.
Well, when you see a special, I love the seller, this is real. Well, when you see that, when you see a special,
like, you know, I love the seller,
but when you see the brick wall over and over,
I mean, it's on Instagram a million times.
Well, yeah, but if I'm making a clip and I have a funny,
like, like, like, like, topical thing about something
that news and I run it like three times,
stand, seller, stand, New York comic clip, stand,
so I'm like, record that, record that.
I'm like, hey, do you have the recording?
I'm gonna throw that up.
Sure.
It doesn't, it doesn't't it shouldn't convey an error
Of this is very important. Yeah, it conveys an error. I was just fucking around. Yeah, you know, and that's kind of what you want
Those are clips. Yeah, but when I think it's a little oversaturated now with these media. It's not mediocre
I don't want to shit in anybody special. Yeah, but it's like I feel like specials should be fucking specials
They should look different than another special. Yeah, well, they're... It shouldn't be the same thing.
And it should have some type of, I don't know,
some type of professionalism.
Yeah, you know?
So this is what Ed Brooks telling me a long time ago
was like, he goes to the thing is now
with Netflix opening up the gates.
You know, this was six, five, six years ago.
And all the half hours they were doing
in the 15 minutes, they go, now you can,
it's not just Comedy Central giving out six sessions a year,
you know, and you're waiting and waiting for your opportunity.
There were a lot more, and now with YouTube even more.
But even back then it was like, there were a lot coming out.
And he goes, now the comedians were waiting for this
gatekeeper to say, yes, you're approved.
Right.
But now that they're saying, approve, approve, approve,
it's up to us to come back and go, oh, I'm not really ready yet now.
So I will take your deal, but I'll give you
a special in a year, not tomorrow.
But like, we want it.
Well, you can't have it.
It's up to us now to go, no, no, no, no, it's not ready yet.
Or, hey, I can scrape together 11 grand.
You're like, nah, if I could get some more money.
A little bit.
A little bit. A little bit. No, I mean, look, I think I get some more money. A little bit. A little bit.
A little bit.
No, I mean, look, I think there's ways and technologies getting so much better that there
are ways where you can, look, I shot my first village underground on cannons.
Well, my cannons.
Just got things to get later on the house.
Why?
Nice talking to you.
Give me that fucking name. Yeah.
My game.
I'm a fan of this, really.
Anyway, listen, dude.
We got questions for you.
Okay.
For Guantas.
What's the next to go?
Brugustas.
I got to read this guy times, right?
Guy times present is the only podcast network that has injected
bone and medicine into the paralyzed penis of man.
The content, go check them out right now.
They get a bunch of stuff, our family jewels.
It's a trivia based drinking podcast.
It's Guy Times presents,
check out their podcast network right now.
Wait, you have an ad for another podcast?
Yeah.
What a brilliant idea.
Podcasts are going,
hey, listen to my podcast and buying ad space on podcasts. No, that can do that. Why not? Yeah. What a brilliant idea. Podcasts are going, hey, listen to my pocket,
buying ad space on a podcast.
Yeah, that can do that.
Why not?
Yeah, why not?
I'll promote them.
But you got something.
You want to give me some money?
I'll promote your podcast right now.
What do you got?
What is that?
20 pesos.
20 pesos. 20 pesos.
What is that?
I'm like, fucking a doll.
It's about a, it's about a dollar ten.
A dollar ten?
Yeah.
Okay, guys, make sure you go check out Ari's podcast.
That's a dollar ten.
That's fair.
I don't know what it's called, the way you find it, but it's somewhere.
Oh, shit. You know what it's called the way you find it somewhere.
Oh, shit. You know what I'm not a wise wise name. Okay.
I Christmas story. Are you a fan? Oh, yeah, with the lick and the pole. Yeah. Yeah. Are you a fan of the movie? Yeah. Do you watch it when it's on still?
Yeah, yeah, especially if I got 10 minutes and it's on, it's like, don't flip.
We'll just walk around doing our chores. Part two.
What do you mean?
Part two's out.
They made a second Christmas story.
It's a Christmas story.
What?
They made part two, I can't get the name
because we have no fucking internet.
Wait, wait, is it, I have questions.
It's, yeah, please.
Is it set?
Is it set 40 years in the future?
No, it's, well, yeah.
Is it set the next Christmas to them? Is it set the other person's? It's Ralphie. Is it set 40 years in the future? No, it's, well, yeah. Is it set the next Christmas to them?
Is it the next person's?
It's Ralphie, is the star.
Ralphie older.
Older now.
But, you know, in that time, right?
When he should have been.
So the time frame works.
Right.
All the friends, the Paul Licker, what's his name?
Flix.
Got him all.
They're all the little brother, the mother.
The mother, right?
Dad's dead.
Dad died.
The five days before Christmas.
What do you mean?
He dies, I don't want to spoil it, Lord.
But the father's dead in life.
So they killed, he died.
Yeah.
Wow.
You know how he died? In life? Yeah. He'd you know how he died in life. Yeah. How pedophile fought back?
He was raping a kid the pedophile the pedophile the father fought the kid fought back kid fought back and won
Well, that's that's the good team. That's good man. That's good. How do you how do you how do you kill him?
No, how do you fight? How do you knife? What was it? No, I think he like pulled him by his cock was so hard the kid could pull him.
And he pulled him right off a cliff.
Pulled him by his cock, so he was,
he was raping on a cliff.
He was raping on a hike.
Yeah, so a trail, that's where he'd go.
Yeah, and these kids when these cups got wanted away,
the cup got water.
And the father from the, from the Christmas story
was, was raping this kid.
And what, and then what, a legend.
And the kid, yeah, he's like,
and he's right, he's trying to shove it out.
I mean, he's just, you know, and the kid grabs him and he pulls him, you know, how it's like when your in the kit. Yeah, he's like and he's right before he's trying to shove it out I mean, right just you know and the kid grabs him. He pulls him
You know how it's like when your hair gets pulled. Yeah, when you practice
Yeah, but it's the most you're off balance. You have no center of gravity
Uh-huh right off the cliff right off the cliff. Yeah, which I think if I had a guest that's where the father from
Christmas story. Yeah, planning on throwing the kid off the cliff after he's done
Of course, he's not gonna just throw him off the cliff first first Yeah, unless he fights to let him live, you know, right those talk. So it's like
So the cliff was usually his thing. Yeah, and the kid flipped it the kid flipped it grabbed him through him off
Yeah, well good. I mean yeah
Well, and then he got cut out of the new Christmas story. Being a cut out. Sometimes cancel culture does work out.
He's some dash kids.
Yes.
Wait, you know, one time Ralphie was in, we heard.
He was at the comments store.
You know, when you go down the steps, the old bathrooms,
now it's like off to the side and around.
But the bathroom's girls are there.
Boys was there.
He was in the boys' bathroom.
And we're like, what's going on?
And Brad, I was like, Ralphie from, he became frozen later.
He was like, Ralphie from Christmas stories in the bathroom. He goes, Ralphie from Christmas stories in the bathroom.
Like what?
And we're like waiting in the steam.
And he comes like,
what are you guys doing?
Ralphie from Christmas stories in the bathroom.
There was like eight dudes staring at the bathroom door.
It's a single stall.
It opens the door.
We all look and then just look at it.
Eight dudes look away.
You know,
that gets it all the time.
All the time.
He looks good.
He looks good.
Dude, he looks good. And he didn't age shitty the time. He looks good. He looks good. Dude, he looks good.
And he didn't age shitty.
He aged nice.
And still kind of, kind of pedophile,
ifiable.
You know, he still has that youthful glow.
He still has that youthful, yeah.
No, how's that, yeah.
Yeah, like if you were a pedophile and you kept him,
yeah, you could still be with him.
You could, yeah, exactly.
It wouldn't be completely done now. Yeah, I wouldn't, you would, you'd be be with him. Yeah, exactly. It wouldn't be completely done now.
Yeah, you would be like, ah, he's done.
You don't have the same magic completely,
but you got, like you'd go down to try,
I gotta kill him, he's too old.
And you go down and he'd be like,
hey, you know that little cute smile.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, movie was great.
I liked it.
I liked it a lot.
Christmas story.
It's a Christmas story.
It's a Christmas story. It's a Christmas story.
It's called Christmas, it's where you're going.
I'm gonna try to pull this in.
Why are you ducking?
Well, because it pulled.
Oh, your headphones pulled?
You're standing in front of my shot.
That's my shot.
Get out of my shot.
Ugh.
Can you get out of my shot, please?
Photo shot. Can you photo shot some my shot, please? Photo shot.
Can you photo shot some hair in that?
Why? There's one right in front of you.
It's not working.
All right, well, fucking, I mean, what do you want me to do?
Is it working now?
No, it's not working.
Is it working?
No.
All right, well, plug it in on this side.
Try it.
Think it'll work there.
Now?
No.
How about now?
Absolutely not.
How about now? I not. How about now?
I don't feel like I'm doing it for this.
I mean, no.
Does that one work?
I don't know.
I'm gonna find out now.
Is that plug work?
I mean, not plugged.
Is that, is that, is that work?
No, it's gonna be the cord.
All right, well, let me see this cord.
Use this cord.
Give me your phone.
Give me your fucking gay phone.
Ugh, what did you get?
Did you get to off a little girl?
I mean, what is that?
What do you think I talked about so much about pedophiles,
but don't pedify myself?
You think I said, uh, he was giving us clues the whole time.
I love when they do that. He was giving us clues.
I go. This is, I hate this.
This is stupid.
I know what I kind of like.
I know.
You're gonna get me done.
Yeah, dude, great movie.
I've been watching movies.
I've been going to my cigar bar and watching movies at night.
I've been going to movie theaters.
Wow.
I love it.
Tell him love with it again.
Buy yourself?
No, with people, but I get people.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Me and Joe List want to go see some nerdy.
I get I bet it was a fucking like a foreign film.
Hitchcock. Of course.
It's in 30.
You guys really just want to let us know that you you know more about movies than the rest
of us.
We went to the Angelica.
What?
You can't just go to a party and see black Panther.
You have to go see a Hitchcock film and then discuss it.
Hot take. The dead guy from Black Panther was the the best part of Black Panther. There's to go see a Hitchcock film and then discuss it. Hot take. The dead guy from Black Panther. Wasn't the best part of Black Panther.
There's Michael B. Jordan. He was dead guy probably third or fourth best actor in that.
How come they didn't bring him back? How come they didn't bring Michael B. Jordan back as
the fucking Black Panther? Yeah, let him take over the fucking role. Most white people can tell
the difference. That's just outrageous. I'm saying they're racist. If you don't like it,
they're racist, well, if you don't like your racist, well then put it in black and black and
a different role. I mean, did you see the new one? The old one was a B-fucking minus.
A B-fucking minus. It was fine. You can see through it. You see them all up there on the
fucking, on the wall, the mountain, and they're all like, fight, fight, fight, you know,
whether or do in that part. Yeah, I can just see the Hollywood set.
I could see it, you know, it's just like,
this is not drawing me in.
It's not what kind is not what kind is not real.
It just wasn't drawing me in.
Some movies do it, some of them don't.
They just didn't set it up very well.
And it was like, you couldn't say, it was just spine.
Thor was really good.
Not all Thor.
Yeah, Green Lantern was one of the worst movies of all time.
Worst movie all time. The first store was all right. The first second
or a sock that was Ragnarok was the shit. Yeah, and then right. So the first
Guardians of the Galsus great. The second one was like B-. You can see them going like this.
Oh, no, you can just see it. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. You can just
you can see through the fucking
They're not they're not allowing they're not making movies anymore. Yeah, because people I mean here's a deal
You can watch it right at your house push a button and watch it right there or you get the air in the car
They do this only in theaters now, you know, like only in theaters like I was kind of forever I just saw a billboard. Maybe it was that maybe something else, but only in theaters now. You know, they're like only in theaters. Like we're kind of forever.
I just saw a billboard.
Maybe it was that.
Maybe it was something else,
but only in theaters.
And it's like, okay, but also not in four months,
we know we can get in our house.
Right now.
Not even.
Push of a button.
So even sooner.
Right now.
But.
Yeah.
You got to really love going to the movies
to bring your family to get the seats you want.
You got to sit next to some asshole.
Some asshole. You know what I do now?
I buy five seats.
Extras on both sides.
Extras on both sides.
And I sit in the back row handicap.
Wow.
I just, I spend the extra money because I went with Max and Darwin night
and there was a fucking Creighton family sitting next to my son and wife.
And they were, I mean, from the hills have eyes.
And they were talking and they were eating.
They brought like their own meat.
Oh, I'll do that.
Like someone unwrap.
I bring a brewery.
Oh, fuck you.
Thanks out the place.
In Israel, it's a big big act of hummus and like,
Oh, people like, what the fuck?
Patrice used to bring a whole bag of Chinese food.
How's he doing?
Yeah. Chinese food. How's he doing? I'm sure it worked out for him. I figured
Chinese food in the book. It's go to the movie and Chinese fucking fat fuck. He's
like, no, I don't want to just do Chinese twice. You can't even wait a second. How
do that workout for you? idiot the fuck that idiot just Christ
that's right there
oh my god dude you know you fucked up when your hats in a display case
terrible happening it's not on a fucking rack
it's an airtight display case uh-oh what happened to this guy
jamey was sad I was gonna open up a club and use that as a museum piece we get It's an airtight display case. Uh-oh. What happened to this guy?
Jamie Rosado is gonna open up a club and use that as a museum piece. So he gets a tax write off. He'll put that on the front fucking door.
Oh, man. Um, are we good questions? Wait, you're gonna movies a lot. Oh, right, right. Yeah. I love I love going to movies But it is it's not when I have a 65 inch plasma,
and everything that's ever been on
is at my fingertips.
Yeah, and it's not like, I can't figure anything to watch.
I can't watch anything,
because you watch five seconds of it,
and it's like, you know what I mean?
And that's what I, it just, I don't wanna watch it.
I just, I bail out, but when you go to a movie,
you're committed.
You're committed, you're in there.
You're in there.
That's why I like by the Ed Merer French festival.. It's every show is at most 60 minutes, probably 55. And
you go through a free show. You know, you just like there with your friends. And we're
like, Hey, you want to come see a show? Like, all right, it's free. Yeah. Let's have
a drink there. And you go and eight minutes in, it might be like, this is going to be
terrible. It's like, well, we got 47 more minutes at worst.
Just let's write it out.
Yeah, but you committed.
You're committed.
Yeah, like when I went to, I took my grandfather to see JFK.
Yeah.
Remember that?
There's like a three hour movie.
Oh, yeah.
He was like in his 80s.
We were sitting there and he looked at it.
I think it was two and a half hours.
How long is this?
How am I going to work with him?
I don't know.
We're here.
I remember you didn't know how long they were. You're just like, yeah, Scarface am I going to work with him? I don't know. We're here.
I remember when you didn't know how long they were.
You were just like, yeah, scar face.
I went to scar face.
Didn't know how long it was.
And I moved with it.
I love moving with it.
But it's just such a hassle.
What I really want to do is get a comedian's screening of something.
What do you mean?
I remember when I moved to New York.
It was a bunch of comics went to go see a movie.
No, it was Keith Robinson.
Keith organized it.
Keith would organize it.
Any big Star Wars Marvel, those movie movies.
Yeah, it was one of those.
He would buy 40 tickets.
And then you would buy them from Keith.
I do that for Yankee games.
I block a 12.
I didn't even know that.
Weekday day game, person in the bleachers.
I remember.
$12 each.
Right.
Sun doesn't matter.
We're just getting their shitty drunk.
Right.
And just like he wants to go.
And if people like, oh, we only sold off eight.
Like, all right, I'll eat the $12 tickets.
Right.
But it's so cheap.
And it's just like, let's just go get shitty.
Do we used to go there 40, 40 comedians
and ruin the movie for everybody?
I met, I met, I remember me, a red your conquest then. everybody. I met I met I remember me a
Reggie conquest then yeah, I met I saw at the concession sign. It was Norton and Carmen
Herman Lynch. Yeah, and she was like younger. There's ten years ago. I go yeah
And he goes before his double stroke
Before stroke who stroke?
Hippie Keith. Oh, oh yeah, it's right. Before stroke.
It was stroke, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cause we would go there and me and him would always fall asleep
like eight minutes into the movie.
You hear one of us.
Wow.
Just out and then they would ruin the movie
cause they would laugh at such the wrong.
They would laugh at bad acting or anything like that.
But I remember Norton going, uh,
it's like, I'll have a coke and a popcorn
and my little brother wants.
It's a carman. She's like that. That's it. Yeah, I was, I going, it's had the concessions, like I'll have a coke and a popcorn, and my little brother wants.
It's a garment.
She's like that.
Yeah, I was, I fucking loved it.
Those were fun.
We should do those again.
Let's do it.
But we should do it with, fuck it.
We shouldn't do it with blockbusters.
No, or blockbusters like three weeks out, four weeks out,
where it's like, okay, we're fine now.
No, we're not gonna, you know what,
I did once, I had a sabotage screening
of American sniper.
Yeah.
So I thought it was one of the worst movies
I've ever seen in my life.
So badly done.
Really?
Yeah, it was just like bad.
Like it's from the start.
He's lining up.
He's like, oh, I gotta kill this guy.
I'm not sure.
And his fucking spotter.
All the spotter's doing is like,
if you're wrong, they'll fry you for this.
Like get in the fucking goggles and help me out.
What are you adding pressure?
What the fuck are you doing?
You're on my side.
The fake baby, the whole thing was just so badly done.
It was just a badly shot, badly acted, badly written movie.
Yeah, they always gonna add some type of bullshit into it.
You know that guy, the spotter was like, dude,
fucking kill this little fucking fat guy.
Yeah, absolutely.
Kill this. He's on his phone with his wife, the whole thing,
the middle of war.
He's like, what's going on?
What you doing today?
It's so fucking bad.
And then at the very end, they go,
and later some guy shot him.
I can't show that.
Then it was show that.
Anyway, so I thought it was so bad.
So I organized this up with our screening.
I was like, get a bunch of fans,
we're like 50 people show up and bro in the movie the arc light
The arc light such a classic
Classic and we're like sit wherever and just like we'll know who we are
There's probably dirty normal people in there, but it was like two months later and just 40
Comedians and comedy fans and we just start heckling it started like making fun of the terrible acting when the fake baby
could people like, fake baby, fake baby, people like shit, it's just getting worse.
Dude, I remember when we saw Star Wars the first night, the first night.
The Jar Jar Star Wars?
No, the one with the latest one, when Han Solo came back for his son, and they fought, when he met Princess Lair again,
and they heeding kisser, they were like,
ah, she's ugly now, Han Solo won.
He didn't give you a kiss.
And then when they killed Han Solo,
they were like, yeah, they were flying.
The Star Wars fans were so mad.
Oh my God.
So mad, dude.
And then we were walking out, I remember, there was was these two guys they would go to the next showering which was like out of 130 whatever and they were coming up
They had these Star Wars hats custom hats that lit up and they made sounds and I remember we're walking by and Keith
He goes I can't believe they killed Han Solo and you heard the guy go no
And then the hat went poop poop poop
Keith was laughing such a piece of shit
We should do that. Well, we should do it. Yeah, we should do it
Rogas, it was a march of the penguins, you know the penguin movie and it's when the sea lions started killing peg when he started
And so I was hey my kid is here. You know, I'm here to root for
How is he?
Why was he happy about the fucking thing?
He's root for a fucking sea lion, sorry.
He was like two animals.
That was funny.
Yeah.
I cry at the moon.
I cry at kids movies now.
They make them so depressing.
I cry because there's no pedophilia.
None of these kids are getting raped.
It's like, what are we even doing here?
If we're not gonna rape a kid, what are you? I mean, you got are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you I got it, but I have an actual rape off screen. It's a question. Are you trying to get this off YouTube?
Is that what you want?
I don't even understand your technique.
I don't know.
Our core, Kirk, Gregoria.
Yeah.
Gregoria, whatever.
Any plans to bring back the sixth and jump with Jay
and soda, even for a one off?
Yeah, we want to do a one off.
We're going to do it at Skankfest.
It's just got too busy with Jay's special.
Yeah.
Yeah, we want to do a one-off.
We want to do a third C-bock episode.
We did a peridemic podcast
where we went into every single episode of 21 Jump Street.
Yeah.
It was fun.
I remember seeing it a little bit.
Look fun.
It was like, we have nothing to do.
There's whenever I get a second and and third podcast. Yeah, I know.
Like, shit. Me and Mike call the week going seven days a week. Yeah.
I was like, fuck it. It's our chance. No one did well. Are you garbage at Tim Dillon?
Really? It's okay. Everybody else like I've just worked to death. Me and
Mike had down a one day with no gains. Yeah. Very nice. Yeah, it was so fun.
We just want and then we would make us do homework, watch 21 jumps.
We'd have a great time.
People would come and like, what are you watching?
Like a homework and then like, this is terrible.
Like, yeah, it is.
You can say to watch if you want.
So there's a three C three episode arc split up in season.
This guy Ronnie Seabuck, this character is back.
Seabuck? Yeah, he's a bad guy
The real bad guy that TV TV back then was fucking group. Just sucky but great. It was all there was to watch
It was great. It was just garbage USA USA network garbage garbage, but the best everyone when a
Marvel the Indian Marvel character
Who is that, Shazam?
Who male non-jewani.
What?
He was not too long ago.
He was on one of those TBS shows,
a lifetime, one of those.
He was on, um...
I wish we had internet, I'd be able to see it.
Franny and Frank's, or something.
Frank, Franny's?
Ronnie and Frank's are like,
I'm one of those.
It was a duo female cop drama, I think.
And then he was like, you know, the IT,
the guy who's like researching the fucking fingerprints.
They didn't have a lot of imagination back then
for minorities.
Yeah.
We got another one for you, Mr. Bill Dole.
I've always wanted to know if the amazing racist
were real or fake, like were the people in or not.
There are a lot like Santa Claus. There's realists. You're not gonna give it to them.
Realists you need to be. You're not gonna give it to them. It's a mixture, buddy.
Somewhere in and out and somewhere not. So that's it. That's it.
Fuck down. Deal with it. Figure it out. It's got me in a lot of trouble. They did. Yeah, but they entertained a lot of middle school boys.
I mean, brother, it was crazy.
Yeah.
Well, you scared it all at some point.
I was scared during it?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I had my car in reverse.
I remember, I was just 18 years ago.
I had my car in reverse.
We saw a homeless guy.
I had my clan outfit on. I was driving to a location.
We see if I can homeless guy pushing a shopping cart of like bottles.
I was like, Oh, here's one. My producer is in the back of the suburban, like lying down. Yeah, me and I reversed.
Excuse me. He comes over. He's like, what? I mean, just a black, you black you know homeless not not all there and
I'm like where the chicken places at you must know
And he goes what'd you say I'm like I said you must know where the chicken places are and he looks
He sees a guy in a clan outfit and I mean this kid this guy is 170 years old
You know you remember the clan and their hey day and he goes goes, okay, okay, okay, okay, mother fucker.
And he takes one of his bottles and he throws it
through the open passenger window,
hits the windshield, cracks it.
And my producer's in the background, drive, drive, drive,
like this is too much danger,
but I'm like, I got the car in reverse,
I'm like, I'm freaking out, I'm like,
ah, as I start to go out, I'm like, let's go back, ah, because I can't fix straight, I'm like, ah the car in reverse. I'm like I'm freaking out. I'm like I start to go back
I can't fix straight. I'm like, I need reach for another bottle. I'm like, ah I get it
I fucking zoom off with those in the bottle. Look to the bottle who's a fucking discontinued brand. Yeah, this bottle for I don't know
How long it was like mellow yellow it was some weird
Yeah, I was scared then yeah,. And then another time I was at Staples Center for UFC fights, me and Duncan Trustle and
Red Man.
And I didn't do anything, but I remember it just got ripped to the internet.
So no national impunence, no one knew, it was just like comedy, the thought was real
real.
And they saw you.
No, but there was a brawl that broke out and it was all a bunch of Mexicans.
And I'm like, fuck, if I get recognized now, I'm just gonna be not good.
No, no.
And I'm gonna ask Christian,
where do you purchase a Ku Klux Klan costume?
Costum shops, I think we rented it.
So you can rent a cool, they have them.
Yeah, dude, it's Hollywood, you can be everything,
they need them, costume shops.
So you don't own it.
I do not own it, no.
Well, that's your next special, that's your next gift.
What, I'm getting you a clan outfit. So do not own it. Well, that's your next special, that's your next gift. What?
I'm getting you a clan outfit.
So Gore got a, got a,
Oh, you got him the,
I think I heard that.
He got him the,
I think I heard that.
He got him the,
He got him the,
He got him the,
He got him the,
He got him the,
He got him the,
He got him the,
He got him the,
He got him the,
He got him the,
He got him the,
He got him the,
He got him the, He got him the, He got him the, He do you mean, real people? Yeah, yeah. Sigurl likes to like, choose, you know, skin and a lamp.
I don't know.
And so he buys it.
They're black market of shit, but he's got money.
And so then like, we're gonna make fun of them.
So then in retaliation, I guess, Sigurl got him a T cup.
Sigurl makes me laugh, dude.
He's so funny.
I was watching his, um, Tarantino interview.
Oh, I just saw a clip, a fucking thumbnail for that.
But he's so funny because he's, he's, he's, he's, he's trying to be funny. Yeah. Tarantino interview. Oh, I just saw a clip of fucking thumbnail for that. But he's so funny because he's he's he's
Be trying to be funny. Yeah, Tarantino is so interesting. And there's so many good stories
But they were talking about you know, so you can't help but like really just listen. Yeah, but but you know he
So Gory has that that fucking
He because you know, he's got his people over here where they're gonna get his joke. Yeah.
He's got that mischievous, so he said one line
where Bruce Willis wanted to play Jules.
That's the party wanted.
He was like, it's for a black guy, he goes,
well, you know, you can just paint his face.
And he didn't even get it.
But you can see here that the producer is laughing
and Suga was just like,
though, like, how I like it. I love dude, I love those guys.
And I'm like, I'm freaking all everybody's names, but they're just
think they get it.
They see enough.
I was talking to I was doing Christcher once.
We did two bears one cave and I was doing it.
And he was talking about they played a basketball game and
time to go or got seriously injured.
Yeah.
And and he wouldn't release it because I think he was like, I'm
gonna have to make money off it.
So goers part Jewish.
Or like, I'm embarrassed to put it out and the time
But still actually Bert won't release this great podcast. We did where we've took Molly together
How to fucking it was the best podcast?
So I think the one where you doasted them. Well, we took Molly together. Yeah, but one where you you dozed
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and myself and you can't dose yourself
Why not give me some with those?
But he did but you put his in his thing without him knowing yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I don't understand what yeah
Yeah, yeah, I mean yeah, that's because that's not the point of the story. I tried the point of the stories
Everyone see the podcast was an amazing of course the best podcast 2019 when no shit. Oh by far five hours
But the best podcast 2019 went no shit. Oh by far five hours were just DS came at some point and then left Wow, just in the middle. It was just so great. It was so great
It's hug and a cat hugging me. It was the best. It was the best and as he's doing it
I can't believe you fucking do this me, but then he goes, but this is great content
You know, I'm stuck because I love great content. I'm like, yeah, catch the way to do it
He's like, yeah, oh, you got me good. It was a great time.
Not everybody in the film felt the same way.
But anyway, so he was like, won't release it,
whatever, like release release it.
So he's so birds talking about this time-so-go-r thing.
And he goes, he won't release the footage.
I'm like, yeah, isn't annoying when you record
some great thing that everyone see it
and you won't release it.
And it also doesn't get, he goes, yeah, it's annoying.
And I just go, you're hearing a dog crackin' up.
That's annoying, I just go, you're hearing a dog, if I could crack it up.
Why won't he release it?
I have no idea.
It's gonna be a huge, when he does release it,
it's gonna be huge.
Cause now I wanna see it.
Everybody wants it, it was great.
And because also you know where it's headed,
so from the first 35, nothing's kicked in yet, you know where it's headed to the first 35
Nothing's kicked in yet. You know to the shot right before we started
So it's like you know where it's going but oh
Fuck a great. Yeah, and you see probably the first like
You know like till even the characters don't know what's happening, but you do. Oh, the first little dry eye, like what's happening?
Oh, if I say, it's a very interesting story.
I got you ready.
Benjamin Wonderlick.
Wonderlick. Come on, bro. Come on, dude.
Which country that had, he's traveled to has the best food?
Oh
Maybe Indonesia or Thailand. Really? Oh, yeah
Thailand's gonna be the best food. Thailand's great. Indonesia has pretty great food. Yeah from the Bobby Gulling to the
What's Bobby Gulling? It's a fucking giant roasted pig.
It's not available everywhere in India because a lot of it's fucking a Hindu.
I mean, Muslim.
Yeah, biggest Muslim country in the world.
So the Muslim parts, you can't get it, but the Christian parts and the Hindu parts,
you can get it.
Bobby Gulling is good, but beef rendon is a love it.
Let's be friend dog.
Beef rendon is just beef.
It's like a curry, a thick, dark curry beef.
They also do chicken rendon.
Where did you take me and Jay to?
What was that food?
Burmese food.
Okay.
No, I would not say that's the best.
Okay, well, here's the deal with you.
Darken memories, yeah.
I mean, we're in the middle of nowhere.
We're all together.
Fort Wayne, Indiana.
And you're like, we should go to Burmese.
Well, me and Jay are like, okay.
Okay, but can we just, we should go to Burmese. Well, me and Jay are like, okay. Okay, but can we just, we'd just go get a breakfast somewhere
would be fine too.
And you're like, no, I wanna,
because you always have to be interesting.
You always have to be.
The largest constator of people from Myanmar,
outside Myanmar.
Yeah, but before we in Indiana,
I was like, well, I'm as well go.
Well, you know what else is there?
A large concentration of Americans.
Yeah, there's a lot of other shit.
More Americans.
I mean, dude, what is 68 fucking Burmese people?
I mean, what is the number that we're looking at?
I had a good point, good point.
They don't get away a lot.
Now, they're staring there.
Yeah, and then we find the strip mall.
I mean, dude, the front of the place was so,
the glass was so disgusting.
So to see, were you like, it's closed,
I'm like, delicious look.
And it was open.
It was open.
And then there was food on the floor.
Yeah.
It was disgusting.
It was so gross.
A lot like me and Mar.
It was really gross, brother.
And then, but the food, I mean, it was,
it was very similar to what?
To itself.
Oh, yeah, I would like the soup and the meat and the
whatever. It was like, yeah, it wasn't terrible. It wasn't terrible.
Burmese food is not the best. It's not, man. But it really it wasn't.
It was the blandest part of Thailand and the blandest part of China.
It was fucked up, man. I'm worried. And we were in soup that I didn't know.
I was like, what's this? And you will I don't know. Well, we can go. There was a thing in there that you're like, I didn't know. I was like, what's this? And you were like, I don't know.
There was a thing in there that you were like,
I don't know what that is.
Oh yeah, there were things in there
like this is just eyeball.
I have no idea.
This is more than authentic.
Yeah, dude, it was nuts.
It was crazy.
And there was no avas in there.
We were the only ones of us.
You go to a restaurant and it's like mostly Korean,
but you'll see.
Plenty of whites. You'll see hipsters.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
I said, okay, I'm cool with this place.
You go in as just one person, it's just one face.
You are gonna, it's not, it's gonna be hard.
Yeah.
It's gonna be.
It's gonna be.
You should, the, the, the, the, the, the,
the, the, the, the, the, the, where you normally get
beef rind on.
Yeah.
You know, Nisha is called war rooms. And so it's just like, it's like, you know, the, what they have for the, where you normally get beef rind on. Yeah. You know, Ninja is called war rooms.
And so it's just like, it's like, you know,
when you go to a pizza place.
Yeah.
And the guys behind the counter.
Sure.
And there's, there's a window.
And it's two shelves of pizza.
Here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here.
You know, you're like, I want one of those,
and one of those.
Same thing, but with different meats and, and rice,
and whatever.
And they just pull a curtain on your side of the,
other things. So it's glass here, curtain on your side of the other things.
So it's glass here, curtain on there, so not let the flies in, so many flies in.
And it's just left in the regular temperature, meat, fish, chicken, rice, some salad,
but it's like, they're not, it's just opening out, just getting gross.
And you ate it.
Oh, you low the time and that's that big friend dog.
Do you like that? Oh, wow. Maybe that's why your asshole looks the way it looks
I'll see it. I'm sorry. What are you doing dude brother? Hey myself look away. I want this to air dude, please
Look at it. I can't look at it.
I can't look at it.
I wish he had a special on YouTube right now.
Oh, good.
What are you thinking about?
You're going on a speedback.
You have an animal's asshole.
That's not a human being asshole.
It's an animal.
Buddy your asshole is something wrong with it.
Like what if you put, do you put stuff in it?
Occasionally I'll put toilet paper up there.
Buddy you know your asshole, your asshole was injured in something. I don't know what that is.
You have the same asshole, it was like a cattle.
Hemorrhoids from when I was junior high school.
It's cattle hemorrhoids.
You have cattle balls.
Your asshole looks like cattle asshole.
Like farm animal asshole.
I mean, there's a thing.
It's like the outside is beating up.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like this ring around.
It looks like craters.
But it looks like swollen.
I'll never forget you.
I hate you for that.
All right, I gotta wrap this up.
Listen, Ari, I love you you buddy. Thanks for coming in.
Thanks for having me.
Go watch my special. Go right now.
Go watch it right now. It's free on your phone.
Even if you don't have time to watch, I would say this.
If you're interested in all, go to your phone.
Just click on it and then watch two seconds and then like,
and then it'll remind you later like want to continue watching.
Yeah, it's probably one of the best specials out there
in a long time.
I was surprised, smart, funny, informative.
It's your best thing you've ever done.
Thanks, man.
Really is, man.
And it's fucking special.
And it's free.
I think that's one of the reasons
a lot of people are watching,
because I'm like, oh, this is good.
It's good, man. It's so fucking good. I think that's one of the reasons a lot of people are watching because I'm like, oh, this is good. It's good, man.
It's so fucking good.
I'm so happy.
Because when I met you, you weren't that good.
You were a mediocre.
When you tore up with Rogan, it's like, when's Rogan getting on?
Yeah, oh, yeah.
Let's go.
Let's speed this shit up.
We get it, you're ready to.
All right, all right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's fun, it's okay.
So funny now, dude.
So go check it out. Make sure you go to comic
rables.com. What else are I gonna do? Any other plugs? Oh, yeah. Go to robakelo live.com.
I got my tour dates. I'm going everywhere. Where are you going? I'll be in. Downs will
already happen, but Pittsburgh and Salt Lake City and Vancouver. Seattle's coming at some point. And San Jose and Tampa, February.
Side splitters.
Side splitters, fine.
Great, I mean, you're gonna sell out all these places
to be sold out.
Yeah, it's selling real well around.
You're selling it?
Yeah, it's it.
Adding shows.
You're getting all your money back.
And third, then third.
So that's it, this is the sucky part.
What?
Because we will never be able to do shows again.
Together. Yeah. Well, I mean, you just part. What? Because we will never be able to do shows again. Together.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Maybe the long island run in the summer.
Well, I mean, it's like, we had fun,
but it's like, now the agent's like,
dude, you gotta fart.
You gotta get, you know what I mean?
You'll never be able to, we'll never be able
to do shit together.
That's a sucky part about stand up.
It's like, it was great just when you're like,
I got to spot the seller.
Oh, make sure they're like, I got three spots.
Let's go. Oh, yeah, oh, we just did that run with me and Jay. It was just like, fuck, great just when you're like, I got a spot at the seller. Oh, make sure they're like, I got three spots, let's go.
Oh yeah, oh, we just did that run with me and Jay.
We just like, fuck it, let's just go.
Yeah.
You know, now it's time you're gonna go make that thing.
You're gonna do those, it's gonna be theaters.
And then you're gonna be out there.
Yeah.
And then you're gonna be a fucking corporate shill
like the rest of them.
How's that sound?
I gotta be sponsored by Bud Light.
Yeah, you're gonna be fucking, you have sponsors.
Yeah, McDonald's should I would never do it.
Like, guys, you're McDonald's is great.
Let's start the show.
Exactly.
You know, fucking, uh, Kaffelte fish sponsor in you.
Oh, that'd be great.
You should, why don't you get a juu sponsor?
I should.
Yes, get some like, some, uh, diner or something
to sponsor you.
Cats is.
Cats is, oh, that'd be good.
That'd be a good one.
That'd be good one.
That'd be good one. That's why cats is. Well That's why cats is well. What are you coming back?
What do you mean you're leaving? Yeah? Oh, I'll be back December 29th. I was hanging a smoke a bat two comics two cigars
To come to the cars best new video series not a podcast the video series video series. It's on YouTube
It's not come such two comics two cigars guys. It's only two comics ever. It's only two cigars
That's it and it's up there right now and any two comics not just us could be
anybody even though we're fucking really good we are great at it great at it
any two comics maybe next time I'll get a couple cigars out of this ju-box
yeah the ju-box ju-box and all right we'll see you guys next week Nikki
thanks for coming in and all you guys you know what then we'll see you next week what's that thanks for the coffee Nikki oh you got it I bought it Y bueno, nos vemos en la próxima semana, Nikki, gracias por venir. Y todos, ¿cómo lo hiciste?
Nos vemos en la próxima semana. ¿Qué es eso?
Gracias a la coffee, Nikki.
¿Cómo lo hiciste?
¿Me ha encontrado?
¿Qué?
Me ha encontrado.
¿Me ha encontrado, tal?
¿Habéis escuchado el YKWD podcast?
Gracias por escuchar.
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