Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Ari Shaffir | Half A Story

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

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Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene? ¿Si no, por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.

Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la edición especial de Madrid nos lia. Un humenaje de mao, a Madrid. 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar tu del 3 por 1 en medianas a domicidio solo pidiendo al line. ¿Sapará? 3 por 1, 3 por 1,icidio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por 1, 3 por 1... ¡No, no, no!

¡Dominos! Pizzah! ¿Buscas contenido gratis? ¡I wanna be see! Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o Sensación de Vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. back again. We're all starting before them all. I'm keeping my key to how you do. This podcast is so fun and crazy.

And there's no rules. Shut up, you ruining this. For the more grand of an effort, sorry. It's a comedy podcast. This is an NPR. Is there any better show? This is the original. Original.

Welcome everybody to YKWD. Welcome. It's YKWD live from the comedy seller studios above the world. It's the UKID with Danny show coming out your every Tuesday live from Rockefeller Center UKID with Danny. What do you got today Danny? Thank you so much for being here. From Rockefeller Center, you keep with Danny? What do you got today, Danny?

Danny's a dick man. Thank you so much for being here. Patreon member is God bless you. If you're not a Patreon member, please subscribe. Right down the bottom, just hit the subscribe. I mean, there's no... You're not Patreon member, you must be kidding with Danny! You...

There's no reason to have any structure today. Remember it's Doug Bessie who's gonna get so mad if he didn't do his movie thing? It was like Pete Holmes and TJ Miller were going just going off and he's like, I remember, I'm not doing this right. I used to get so mad when I didn't get invited to do things. Oh yeah.

Yeah. I never did it. You really? I know. No. You probably thought you've never seen a movie. Hey, that is. I wish there was a camera over there

to get your little acting. Huh. Ha ha ha. What's up, man? Are you fears in the house? I mean, this, this is, I mean, you're just gonna ruin it if I tried to have any structure.

You're ruin it. You're just take over. I mean, from the get go, I walked in, this is what you're ruined it. You'll just take over. I mean, from the get-go, I walked in, this is what you have people, this is what you have people. I walked in tonight, a couple minutes late, because whatever, subway, blah, blah, blah. Right? I walked in, nothing occurred.

It was, well, coming down, there was a little traffic, but then I had to take the subway, I had to park uptown, I said it downtown. Why? Because my day ends uptown. So it's better for me. I don't want to come out with a fuck back here and then drive all the way.

It's like a 40 minute drive. Anyways, bull ring. My bad fast. Yeah, I mean, why? Why? Why not to rail? Is it fucking master's storyteller? I'm like, let me answer details you don't need to enter.

You make your story like a chick story out of the blue. That's a bugger. They really are. I love it. I love to. Not chick story, wife story. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. London is a nice town. But anyway, Margrit introduced me to a new recipe, and I was considering making that for a family function. Now, I decided to go with another recipe. Now... I mean, dude, that's Don. That's my wife, 100%. I'm literally in my body going, come on! Yeah.

Freely up! Yeah. And you can't say it because then they get, forget it, then they go forget it. It's like, I just wanted the story. I just want to start what happened though. Yeah, I don't care what you and Margaret did. Details for no reason.

They need trailers. And the speed though, it's also the speed that their cars drive is the speed limit. Well, under. Remember, oh, who's that? That must be a new school they're putting in. Focus, don, focus. Look at me.

Come on, the story, go. OK, so let me start over. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no It is a fucking nightmare. I really wish they could take a comedy course. You could have a dawn. That's what it should be. When your wife feels left out of the media and the fans if she needs her own podcast, you could have a dawn. She needs a... She needs a...

She needs a... To glam off your fame. She needs it with dawn. So glad my wife doesn't do a podcast. It would fail immediately. It would just be... Just, yeah, we get it. The all comments would be your son going to sucks. The sucks.

That was my mom. I'm hungry. Take me to Jiu Jitsu. Back to the my point. Yeah. I'm walking in now, and this is how you have a lot of people. And this is the subject of today. You know, today, I was, hey, let's just wing it.

Me and you just turn the mics on and go. Yeah. We're not doing that today. No, we're not. No, we're not. I have something to deal with with you. I have something to talk about with you. This is what I heard about when I was taking a nice dump

in your fucking sweet toilet. No, I'm sweet toilet. Sure. I heard, hey, do we have those questions for Ari? And then I heard your dumb fucking retarded staff go today. No, no, let we have those questions for Ari? And then I heard your dumb fucking retarded staff go today. No, no, let's, let's, let's have the question for Ari! Another day! What is not here?

I mean, it's meant to. They're not retarded, they're autistic. Autistic? Yeah, I mean, if you look at them, not one eye is looking back at you. No, it's not. No. Autistic and cross-eyed, so it's hard. It's nuts.

And they're too close together. I mean, it's nuts. No. Autistic and cross-eyed, so it's hard. It's nuts. And they're too close together. Yeah. I mean, it's nuts. If you were willing to pay attention, you've just gently put pressure on the top of their heads. I probably could get a tax adjustment by having them work for me. Yeah.

Yes, I could talk to the city and the government, you know what we're going to give you? Yeah, $20,000. Yeah, I'm helping somehow. I'm helping fucking just sick people. Look at him. He just white in front of my, I mean, right problem is you have white slaves.

And this is why Joe, this is why Joe is a fuck, Joe's a moron. He will step in front of the actual show shot to get his shot. And then he'll stare at me right now. He needs a shot. He needs a shot. Just take the shot. But what he does, here's the thing, what he does, wait, do you see it?

It's, it's not good. It's amazing. But he has to ruin somebody else's work to make his work. Yeah, I've done. Yes, yes. I love when they do that. I love when somebody lines up a picture and they're like, wait, let me make sure it's right.

It's like just be snap and this, what are you out of megabytes? It's a fuck snap, snap, snap, snap. Well, you wait, what are you waiting for? Out of megabytes. Yeah, there's something I think. Nobody's out of megabyte. No, no, no, no, figure out later which one's the best. Everybody, my grandmother has enough megabytes.

They're going on weight, lower the lights, I want to get your... Fuck off. Dumb fuck. All right, so I... All this coffee shop in America. It really is, and you can taste it. You can taste it.

They need to clean those pipes. Fucking gabbages. Listen to me. Yes. I walked in today. Okay. Scared. What? Of you already. Why?

What, what do you mean why? I walked in and the door was locked, so I'm like, oh, fuck, I hit the door. Oh, I locked the door. I kind of locked the door. You locked the door. You got it even I locked it. You locked the door on me.

So now I gotta get up and open it. Now these giggling. I'm happy when you try to do it in the lock. These giggling assholes are giggling. Are you got them? Are you, is he'll turn to me a second? If you say, guys, come with me, they'd follow you out right a giggling. Oh, God, I'm, oh, he's ill-turned in me a second. If you say, guys, come with me, they'd follow you out right now. Nice.

Oh, 100%. I'll be the same guy with this guy. I'll be the same guy with this guy. I'll be the same guy with this guy. You're the God. I mean, only person above you is Rick Glassman. That's it. Yeah, he outgast is it.

Oh, my God. So I come in, I open the door, and I gotta look, because I know you're pulling pranks, you're doing something. Thank God you're in the bathroom. You're having, you're taking a shit. Yeah. Your house is eight minutes away. Well, I came from serious XM Studios,

where I was a guest on the popular Jim and Sam podcast, the most offensive duo on the radio, a core of their promo. Is that what it is? Yeah. They're offensive. Yeah. Really?

I think they're offensive. Yeah. I didn't think so either. I called it out. Their promo was wild. It's incorrect. That's light-hearted nudging, maybe. The most nudged worthy.

Yeah. I'm radio. Um, so, dude, you have people, you're in here taking a shit. Not only that, here's the thing is you're taking a shit, which is uncomfortable for everybody. Yeah. When a guest comes in and is shitting before, before the show, after the show, it's no, after, after I consider after I thought on after I didn't consider after after I'm still outrageous because now nobody can use a bathroom.

Yeah. But you, okay, we get you how that you can't how that anymore, but you came in knowing you had to take a dump You could have done the series. I thought about it five stalls. Yeah, but this is an individual full bath Come on dude, you know I'm right on that one. You know I'm not gonna use that over this. This is a convertible apartment Okay, okay, best case scenario for a shit. Okay. Okay. Great. So you hear you're taking a shit, but your shit's on shits Ari. The shits their shits and then they're also others. Your shits and you've done a But they are shits, buddy. They're not shits. It's it's it's it's it's it's almost surgical It's almost like an operation something happens to your asshole. You were in my bathroom. It opens up like a demi-gorgan and just fucking You were in my bathroom. It opens up like a demi-gorgan and just fucking reveals.

It's not good, dude. There's so much blood. So much blood. Sometimes it just flows. Sometimes a little speckert too. Sometimes it flows where I got a fucking man pond at and then I got to replace that and that one gets full. You ever see it the end of the day when you're in a fucking

bloody, when you're talking about your bloody fucking soaked up. Now what you want ideally a little bit of blood mostly white. Sometimes you get all red. This is getting all red. You always just not red. Sometimes it's blue. It's like it's like it's dark red. It's a little red blood.

You have heart blood coming out of your ass. Yeah, this one is true. Yeah, you have deep like blood that hasn't had oxygen in it yet. It's nuts. The oxygenated blood. It's not. I hadated blood. It's nuts. I had the blood where if you ran a through a wine decanter. Yeah, you have the blood that like,

like Dracula would play more money for your blood. You know what I mean? You're like high level, deep blood. High in blood. Yeah, dude, I don't, so you have people on edge. Is that where you want your friends? I mean, when you use the bathroom, it's, is there a gun?

I try to use the bathroom. You left the shit with the blood. Oh, I did leave the shit. I forgot it. I forgot it. Yeah, I left the shit. There's a bloody shit in point. And I'll tell you, three tissues in a row, you know,

you get a wand, you get a wand, wand, wand, three in a row. Yeah. I try to drop them and then like a fucking open-faced sandwich. They flipped and went blood down. I was like, this is unbelievable, my luck. Unbelievable. So I had a really place one in blood up.

So when you saw the front, all fronty. Oh, good. You have this two names. So they have blood up or old fronty. That's two names. You're getting with Danny. Listen, man. Yeah. I mean, this kid's, you've You get it with Danny. Listen man. Yeah.

I mean, this kid's, you've haunted his dreams for life. He'll never forget that. What food does that represent for you, Danny? What food's no longer to be eaten? Yeah. You have us, you have us all. Yeah. Like on, listen, I love to apologize, but that's just not in my nature.

Okay, but here's my problem. Norma, sorry. It was so great. When you were like, hey, go get a towel. I'm like, wow, I mean, it's still the smell still there. I expect the smell to be gone. Smell still there. You got to write in there.

You have, you have people on the edge. But I'm in him. Hold on. What is that? What is that? It's an accusatory figure. What? I don't like it so much. It's an accusatory figure. It should stop further. Maybe, no. Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, like, let's see, come here, give it to me, bring it to me, right there. Right there. This, that's not too much, that's not too much. That maybe want to bite it. But you have some reckoning too.

That's, I do. Yeah, that's forever. Because you sent him in there to what you thought was a freshly used shit toilet. Yes. Flushed, but you thought the smell would still be in there? OK. No smell clears that fast.

No smell clears that fast. Ha, ha, ha. No smell clears that fast. You were complicit. I was complicit, but I didn't think it would be. You weren't hitler, but you were Ikeman. Here's a problem with you though. I should have known, because you've done that to me. I'm not, yeah, but I'm not the only one who shit smells.

You knew it. And minimum. I could have enjoyed listening there. It's sort of been smelly. It would have been smelly, but something he could have contained. And maybe told me after the show, hey, dude, his shit's not bad. His shit's stunk. It could have been something we enjoyed later. Yeah. I didn't know you're going to leave an abortion in there.

I didn't know you're going to leave a acidic abortion in the toilet. Myles of Tups, you're about to go on. Yeah, the setting still don't abort when the kick comes out down syndrome, but they will if they found out it's going to be gay. I really. Yeah. That's moves. Down syndrome, we're all pretty in bread.

It's halfway there. How do they find out they're going to be gay? How do you know when a baby's going to be a fetus is gay? Yeah, it becomes a dick first. I don't have a leading. I don't have a good question. I got to say this though, because I want to, I had a friend of yours on and I was shocked. Who is that? Robert Ealy.

Is that what he's talking about? I've had Mr. Mr. Bondini. Mr. Mama Gucci. Mr. Miyagi was on. Yeah. You had Bobby on that. The Chubby Sensei was on my show. Miyagi was on. Yeah. Yeah. You had Bobby on that. I had the chubby sensei was on my show. The Slap King.

Yeah, the little dumpling boy. Yeah. He goes by the Slap King and I thought it was because he sleeps a lot and I was like, I sleep more than you and he goes, idiot, it's because I'm anti woke. I'm like, oh yeah, it makes more sense. Yeah. It makes a lot more sense. I had him on.

Yeah. And we have our own problems. You do have your own problems. I'm glad I got you guys back together. Now I've gotten back together. You and Bobby, Alex Jones and Joe Rogan. Okay. Who else?

Who else? I'm on a Gowinsky and Bill. You got them back together. Yeah. Right? Didn't you work that out? I'm trying to think, yeah, yeah, because he was like, I still need that cigar. Yeah.

Left it up there, I think. I got it if you want. I don't know my supposedy smells like tobacco. Yeah, no one of my pussy smells like an old damn bottle. Try to think who I recuperated friendship was. That's two. I wonder who else? I don't know.

Well, I want to talk about your friendships. Yeah. It's what I want to talk about. OK. Me and Bobby very quickly got back together. That's great. It was a misunderstanding. It was no intentional things that happened.

He was coming from this way. I was coming from that way. We collided a couple times, we worked it out. Yeah, collided. And the word intentional is the thing I want to bring up with you. It sounds like a very AA term or a meditation term. Intentional. Intentional.

Yeah. What is your intent? Did you intend to hurt somebody's feelings with a thing that it might give? I got an off stage story for you. I almost want to pause to tell you this really? Yeah, we can't right We can't pause can we? I don't trust Max. He's actually left. He said we done shoot and we weren't and we started talking Yeah, and he's left he's I don't trust Max. Okay. We could go to the bathroom tell it. Okay And he's left he's I don't trust Max. Okay, we could go the bathroom. Tell it. Okay

Danny and Joe come sit here I just talk like you're us Danny you be me. No actually Joe you be me You be the yeah Should I drink his coffee? What do you think they could be talking about? Well, I still think it hasn't been long enough that I think that the smell might still be there. Yeah, it seems like it would still smell in there. Yeah, I feel like it probably smells. I also now really regret flushing it.

I think it would have been very funny if I somehow could fake the flushing sound and make it so now they have to go look at it. You could have put it in a little box like Patrice's hat. Yeah. Are these bloody shit? Doodoo is horrific. One of the worst things I've ever seen mind-tarl. Honestly.

Did he text? Did he text? No, so I asked why, because I assumed that, but then they were just talking four seconds ago. Do we even explain what happened? Oh, I kind of didn't. They walk in. They walk in. Are he takes a bloody shit? Bloody shit. That was unaware of. And he I kind of didn't. They walk in.

Already takes a bloody shit. Bloody shit. That was unaware of. And then he left it in the toilet. That's it in the toilet. Walks out. Since town, there was a nice time delay. So yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was like long enough that I forgot about. It was like magic timing. It was long enough that I forgot about it. But perfect time, like a minute earlier, or 40 seconds earlier, I would have, and my God, it's gonna smell like shit. And then Bobby goes, can you grow, grab a paper towel? Is there a tissue?

Tissue, and then you went in. Well, I also looked around, because sometimes there was a paper towel right there, and I was kind of aware that I already just took a shit. I didn't want to go in there for that reason. But then it wasn't. So I go in and I out loud said, I don't even remember what I said. But there was a, you were like, holy fuck.

Like it was like a mother of God. Yeah. It was I turned religious. It was truly horrific. It was one of the worst things I've ever seen. I'm curious what they are talking about. Bobby Lee probably. Yeah.

No, because that's what I think they're fine. I think it's something different, because they were about to just talk about that on the air. How many slurs do you think they're saying? I think they're coming back. Oh my god. Here they are. I wish I didn't flush.

All right. Don't slow roll it. Move in. Oh. I mean, your fucking is not eating. Yeah. You didn't get the job. What do you think we were listening?

And we were like, you know what? Let them go. Bob is the king of calling it out as soon as I had to slow roll it. Oh, you guys sure you want us to get up? No, no, stay down. Did you hear that, Martin? We should just let him go. Unbelievable.

But anyway, sorry, I had to tell you why I thought of it. That was great. Yeah. That was a good one. I was so sorry that you can't know. Lucy. Ah, that was Lucy. Woo.

Woo. But here's the thing with you, dude. Mr. Bobby Lee. Yeah. Told me some stuff about you. What do you tell you? And it was shocking. Shocking.

What do you tell you? Shocking. And then I, I tell you the same story's been 20 years for years with different details every time. I'm fucking Bobby and Bird of the King of fucking. Just go through those stories and see how many different times is told differently

Oh, there's a couple people tell the stories that aren't true There's a couple people out there that a fucking mind. I was too much late. I was a day late 17 minutes late. He was fuck two months later. He showed up I will this is what shocked me about it because there's actually I on on on on YouTube. There's a documentary about it. And I'm on the plane. It made me so happy. The title. The title is... It's read the title, Matt. It's the most evil man in comedy. Ari Shaffir. Exposed. Exposed. Exposed. I mean, Ari, I watched this. Joe Rogan's best friend. I thought we were good friends.

I was a best friend. I like that. I, I, you watched it? I watched the whole thing. How long is it? Short of the fucking just Stefano documentary. What was that one? Oh, not the Stefano.

Oh, that one's coming. Delia. Stefano. Now it's coming. Talk about stories. Listen, man, in this thing, the most evil man in common, most evil man in common, Bill Cosby is less evil than me. Yes.

I love it. And the photo that they made, it fits. What's the photo they made? The photo that you, I mean, dude, you look like, if you look like the devil. I love it. You look like Lucifer. You look like Lucifer. Joe Liss and I would talk about this where he goes, people are like, why are you front

of that guy? But no one's ever asked him, hey, why are you friends with him? They're probably something there, right? It seems like everyone actually likes him. The most evil man, I mean, the photo they use inside. Me with a Mohawk. No, the other one. The boy I killed, and then who were there's other two?

Bobby Lee, and who's the guy over the one? I don't know. I don't know. The truth fault. Yes. But I want to ask you about this. Who's the guy? Bobby's on the left.

Who's in the middle there? I don't know. Anyway, yeah. What do you want to ask? OK, so in the documentary that I watched. The documentary, yeah. Oh, the dark, yeah. That was it.

Was it fun? Dude, I mean, if I didn't know you, I wouldn't, I would cancel you to know. I would have called up them, guys, we should cancel this guy. That's for fun. Literally every story that makes you upset is showing half a story, like in the world.

I haven't watched it, so I don't know, but I'll just tell you, like every time you're like, what? You're like, that craziness means they're leaving out details. Well, Bobbie Lee said, and he said it on my podcast too, by the way, which I found shocking. But the only time he's ever been honest about it, when I was on his podcast with him, he finally admitted stuff, because he's like, Bert is the same way where you like,

they'll say a lie, say a lie, and then you're like, no, because you were the one who was late, and they go, all right, fine. They just kind of laugh it off. So one time on his podcast, we were talking about it, our old, old, old fights. I mean, this is in our 20s. I want to wait. Before you get into your defense, which you've done. No defense.

No defense. No, you're defending. I'm just saying, when did you have a Kalilah? I was like, oh, I didn't hear this part of the story. 100%. There's always a second part. That's why I want you. I'm excited.

Yeah, okay. What did he say? He said, I love Bob. You beat him up three times. Yep. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Now, let me ask you a question.

Just, if I'm a judge, if I'm a judge, you just got it. I'm hitting the gavel, I'm saving the taxpayer some money. I, I, okay, I would say I beat him up three times. I beat, beat on him three times. What? I'm doing. You what? I only beat him up once.

I was only two beaten off and beaten up. I beat him up. There's only two. Which one did you do? One time. I beat him up. Good once. Okay.

Hang on. Let's get to this. Let's get to this. There's a time where you. We did a story about this on this not happening. We, I love how exposed, what do you mean exposed? There's a way, when they got stern, when they're like, we uncovered your hidden,

your hidden blackface stuff. It goes, you mean me for my television show? Yeah, I know. The one I published on purpose through America. We've done stories about this on Comedy Central, but go ahead. Hey, where's my sandwich, girl? That's old Bobby, That's old Bobby fucking.

That's old Bobby. I'm sorry, it just comes out once in a while. I hear my father. No, I didn't have one, that's right. You wake up in the middle of the night. Like, where's those M&Ms? Oh shit, that's old Bobby. It's said that you attacked him.

You hit him to the ground. Wake him to the ground. You hit him, and you went to the ground. And then you, I'm gonna wait for this one. First one. You gotta back up though. Hang on, I'm gonna back up a little bit. He made, you made him check illegal emails.

You're supposed to get a backup further. Okay, can we watch the doc a little? I hate watching myself on camera. I agree with you, hate it, Tim. You on camera makes me sick to my stomach. We've talked about all this on so many pockets. Okay, well, I'm gonna go over quick, then. Okay, okay.

Because there's other things I wanna talk to you about. Okay, but I mean, you Superman punched him in the back of the head. He was running. You had no choice. And also what a fucking perfect move. Dude, when you get a Superman punch, running in the air, realize you're coming close and then fucking John Wick in the air and realize,

do you ever think, sing or doing impressions on somebody? And I'm not good at impressions. I don't think you are either. I, do you ever think seeing or doing impressions somebody, and I'm not good at impressions, I don't think you are either. I can do one, but every once in a while, it'll just come out perfect. Sure. And someone's like, do that again, I won't be able to.

It just came out perfect. I did that. When I'm fucking jumping and I'm coming down, I even know it's like, well, this is fucking, this was cinematic. And then pop fall. Bobby is like a potato bug. He'll immediately...

Okay, okay. Yeah, but you hit him. You Superman punched him. You just... Yeah, but that's not... That's not making your case. The funny thing is, I bet it's because everyone went to hear about these things right now.

I'm so mad. I'm like, oh, this was like... It's like they heard shit about the Holocaust. We gotta do something to Germany. You're like, it's been taken care of. Okay, but you Superman punched him. Superman punched him. You hit him in the heard about the Holocaust. We got to do something to Germany. You're like, it's been taken care of. Okay, but you superman punched him. Superman punched him. You hit him in the back of the head.

He's going off accounts. He couldn't see. What is he have eyes in the back of his head? God, Chinese don't have that. They barely have them in the front. That's right. What do they see in fucking cups to pick up back there? I don't think so.

Listen, that's terrible. Listen, so you did you admit to punch Superman punch him? Yeah Listen, that's terrible. Listen, so you admit to point Superman punch him. Yeah, but that's late. That's after you got me fired off a show. Are you gonna fight fired off a show, like a TV show? Yeah. How do you get you fired off a TV show? Talk to the fucking people who ran and was like, get rid of them.

Why? Because we were fighting. Because you beat him up before? Yeah. Wait a minute, that doesn't sound that bad. So you left that part of the story out? Yeah, but wait a second. It's a fun story.

No. I wouldn't want to work with somebody who beat me up, too. You ever, first of all, you wanted to beat him up. I never wanted to beat Bunkie. Not true. You've told me. I, what? You're like a... You're lucky.

You're a fucking liar. I am like, doesn't mean it's not true. That does have the definition of that truth! I've never wanted it doesn't mean it's not true. That does it, the definition of that truth. I'm never one of you, Bobby Lee. We were doing a yoga one of my yoga, and we were talking, we were hanging out, and we were talking, and we was like, you know what, even all the fucking pain

we went through was like young adults trying to learn who we were. He goes, I wouldn't change it. Now that we have these memories, they're so fucking fun. Yes, 100%. Yeah. But I want to ask you one more question.

Did you kick him in the face? I kicked him. Well, okay. Until he had to, he woke up, until he had to take him to the hospital. No, we didn't put to the hospital. So how many times you kick him in the face? No, but that's not why his face looks that way.

That's just for Koreans, dude. They're always like that. All right, no, no, that's not telling the whole story. I kicked him in the chest and the face. I had to open up the hands. Because he was covering, I had to open up the hands, kick him in the chest a couple times, then he moves, face time. Was Rogan over your shoulder, you got to open him up.

You got to open him up. Open him up. Here's the best thing about Bobby Leade that he probably won't tell you. So I punched, he was dumb smile. I was part broken over a girl. He was like, and he was just laughing about it. And I knew he was like, I had talked to the guy while he was like planning on dating her and didn over a girl. He was like, and he was just laughing about it.

I knew he was like, had talked to the guy while he was like planning on dating her and didn't just say, hey, no, don't take my friends, go front. He helped it happen. Yeah. And then when he was like, the guy didn't know if he'd brought the money up. You dated the chick with the gloves, right?

Yeah, with the gloves. And then he didn't know if he'd broken up or not. We had Bobby call me and be like, hey, are they broken up, broken up? Or what? Yeah. And so once I realized, like, oh, you're doing recon for him. And I'm like, a fuck off, dude. Once I realized I was like, hey, dude, I don't want to talk to you. And I'm checking in and he goes, can I just say one thing now? Can I just say one thing? I'm like, dude,

I'm actually not in the mood at all. I'm really heartbroken. Get the fuck away from it. And he's like, can I just say one thing? I'm like, say another word. I'm going to beat your ass. Right. You get fair warning, fair warning. Right. I'm serious dude, one more word. And he didn't believe you because of your physical look. He was like, this guy's actually in high school.

Right. And you're, you know, you look like you just get out of it. Yeah, I know. That's a big now is a rubber band. Imagine me at 25 pounds. Back of the day, you were very non-intrusive. You were not intimidating at all. So I punched them. You punched them right out of the gate. Yeah, right in front of the day, you were very non-intrusive. You were not intimidating at all. So I punched them.

You punched them right out of the gate. Yeah, right in front of the cover booth at the OR, the comedy store. Got it. You know, the hallway steps. And then it was like, so what you want is, someone to fight you. Right.

But you picked on a beetle bug and you went right down. And it was unsatisfactory. And I was so mad. Renazisees in the cover booth. Steve Renazisee. I mean, what a fun times. What fun times when we were kids. God damn, young comics, no jobs. He was on Matt TV. He was making five grand a week. He was the most anybody made. Wow. Yeah. Five grand was a lot back. A week for 20 weeks. Yeah. So he made a hundred grand for the year. That's crazy. And he was like, what?

He was always changes for people. It is. So we went down and you just like fuck. Yeah, I was like fuck. I was so worked up. So then what did you do? Kick them in the stomach. Stomach area. Open up the head. Open up the head. And then when he opened up his head, took advantage of the fucking ankle. How many times you took him in the head? Twice. And how many times did you kick him back on the stomach? Yeah, I think what probably it's tough to remember between two and four times total. Total.

And then what happened? Renazese first was like, and then he was like, oh, I got to help. Now he could have come through that window and jumped out. Sure. If there was someone like stabbing a baby, he would have come through that front window. Right, but Bobby.

Bobby. Korean. Like everyone in comedy. Yeah. I mean, Steve, like everyone in comedy, also want to Bobby to get punched. Really? Dude, you know how many people came up to me later and go, wait, you could have just punched him?

I didn't know that. He was so punchable. I asked him what, so I was like, how come everybody hates you in comedy? He goes, I don't know. Back then, he's a different guy now. He's a different guy now. Bobby's great.

Bobby, I love Bobby Lee. And I loved him before. He's a mentor to me. Yeah, oh he is. Yeah, so it was even more of a betrayal. When a mentor does that, you know, when he fucking does deviate shit like that. It's not his fault. He got caught in a situation.

Yeah. It's tough. I'd say, one of your friends, did you hit the girl? Did you hit the girl? Girl, listen, of all the people, we went over this with my friends, of who's to blame. It's the girl. Girl. Number one.

Okay, the guy she left me for, almost nothing. People like be a problem with that. Why, we have the same case than women? No. He isn't know me. No, it's it isn't know me at all. It's bright. He's talking to somebody else.

She was like, I've been this, she goes, well, I'm kind of dating somebody. He's like, I'm kind of in a con. It's breakfast at Tiffany's. And then it's the girl. The girl is, hey, listen, I think I'm falling out of love. You. Yeah, fall in love. So you're second. No, no, I'm to blame. I should not touch them.

But who's first? The girl. No. Who's first? The girl's been in a city. Once you've done enough mushrooms and shit, I've done afterwards or whatever, you realize she's in a situation that tons of people have been in that I've been in. You fall out of love and you didn't handle it exactly correctly. You're not blaming her first for cheating on you. No. Wow. Here's who I'm blaming.

Oh, no. An uninvolved third party. Me. Almost. What? Bobby Lee. Your baby, Bobby Lee. Over the girl.

The girl just fell in love. Like, what could she do? She was like, I'm starting to lose interest in this guy. This other guy showed me interest. I don't know. Yeah, she could have been like, hey, before I start doing that, let me break up with this. It's tough.

We've all been in that situation. It's tough. You're new, you're in your 20s. I don't know exactly the right way to do it. And then you have this third guy, he's just friends with me. Imagine if one of my, one of our friends was accused of sexual misconduct in the press.

And we went on air and said, oh, I haven't talked to him yet, because I was too busy getting eye surgery done. But if he did this, it was terrible. Instead of just going, yeah, that's my friend, fuck off. Yeah, well say nothing. We're saying nothing. Right, just in case he did do that.

Yeah, yeah. I put your foot in your mouth. That's the best. That's a piece of shit. But yeah, a third uninvolved party getting involved is like, in some ways, that's worse. You know what I mean? Because why do you have to get involved? Just go, just go.

No, this guy who did this, who got her, right? How are going to scale on a scale from one to 10 physically? Yeah. What's the difference between you and him? Both at the time, both weaklings. Okay. He was shorter. Shorter.

So you were still better looking. He was, he's better looking way better looking. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. Fame like he was like. Sure. So you were still better looking. No, he's better looking. Way better looking. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. He was like a Mac. So he had more money, more looks.

Yeah. So he was just an upgrade from you. A clear upgrade. Clear up. Yeah. Not even like a well in some ways, no, in no ways. I adjust our lose in my hair in no ways that I beat this guy. All right.

I agree. So, in a comedian's basketball league, I could play center and he could not. That's about it. That's it. But everything else. That's taller. But this chick was short anyway, so that didn't matter. Everyone fucking towering.

Everybody's so good. So you're looking, co-looking, money, fame, funnier than me. Funny. You're out of your mind. Oh my god. Oh yeah, this guy, this guy ruled. So what? This guy ruled. I love this guy.

Yeah, this guy ruled. Yeah, it sketches her funny. I'm at TV. Oh, that guy ruled. I didn't wanna admit exactly them, but I go, what time I sit next to him in the bar? At the end of the night, I was like, where do I know this guy from?

And I was sitting next to him in order, and I was like, because in Hollywood too, it could be a famous person. Yeah, all right. And so I'm sitting there, I'm like, I'm ordering a beer, whatever. And I'm like, next time, order and I was like, cause in Hollywood too, could be a famous person. Yeah, oh. And so I'm sitting there and I'm like, I'm ordering, be or whatever.

And I'm like, you know, and then I like, as I get up, oh, the other guy, it's a micro. That's what I got. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he say anything? No. Did he know about this thing that happened with you and Bobby Lee?

For sure. Oh, he did. Yeah. He knew it was your own a rampage. Everyone did. Everyone did. I was in a rampage. It was a rampage.

I was heartbroken. You heartbroken and you physically, you physically took it out of Bobby, but he instigated it. Get the fuck away from you. He instigated it. Get the fuck away. We got to like take that advice. That was back in the day when that meant something. Now if you do that to somebody, you're done.

That was time one. So he got mad at René's E.C. Oh, this is what I got to give him about for going the long way around. But René's E.C., he wanted to watch a little bit. He wanted to close 30. Great thing about Bobbybie Lee, and what you have to know about real comics, is it's different to people who do comedy and real comics. Yeah. Fredi Soto would say, separating their comedians from the comics. Sure. And I didn't quite understand that for years. So I kicked them a few times, separated

us four times, a few plus one, a couple couples. Two squared. Yeah, open them up. Yeah, open them up. Yeah, Jebs. What jobs? And then, and then, okay, so we're separated, whatever. It's fucking rage. I'm shaking with rage. And then he's on next. That's why he was in the front of the cover with. He already said, of course, he went on stage because it's a comic. Goddamn right. He's a guy to do your spot. That's right he was in the front of the cover with him. He went right at stage. Of course he went on stage. Because it's a comic. God damn right. He's a God to your spot. That's right. And his face starts on stage swelling up.

It doesn't happen right away. It starts after the beating. So it starts on stage getting bigger and bigger and bigger. He does the set and he probably killed. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I was in front of the.

Did you have to go on that night? Well, on later, I was on way late. Oh, wait. So right then, Brian Cal in front of the, um, did you have to go on that night? Well, on later, I was on wait, later. Oh, wait, so right then, a Brian Calon, because I was like, and was like, um, now it was a different time. There's different times that should happen. And Brian Calon was like, Hey, what the fuck?

You fight with that chick? And was like, I was like, yeah, we used to go out and go, Oh, I didn't realize you had history. Oh, my bad. Wait a minute. That's not what the documentary says. The documentary says that Brian protected Bobby from you.

Brian was like, Hey, knock it off. You're well, yeah, he was like, you can't do that. I was like, then he realized, oh, there's a history here. Oh, then I'm out of line, my bet. Oh, he backed out. Oh, then I'm, I'm, I'm, I realized it was a, I thought I was like out of the blue. This makes more sense. So, sorry to even getting pulled.

Yeah, he was immediately like, sorry to even get involved on that. Brian's a coxmith. Brian's a coxmith. He knows, he knows the rules of engagement. You can protect the little guy, but if this pussy evolved. Like, oh, this makes sense. Oh, right. Yeah.

It would be crazy if you just to unload on somebody for no reason. Right. That would be wild. Yeah, somebody said, I think Steve Trivino was somebody's like, at the time, was like, Ari's a lunatic. It's like, super gentle Ari went nuts for no, out of the blue. Did he ever skid to front and break? Or was there some, like what, like what Bill Burst,

I was like, can't you ask, what happened right before? Like a fireman, you'd be like, are we allowed to look at the wiring? I hate when people give me a bad rap, and I say, have I ever snapped on anybody? Out of the blue, just scream it or ran a person on the street. But the people that you yell at will be like, oh, he yelled at me, but why?

But why though? Because I didn't do this, y yo lo hago tu y yo, nosotros, siempre que se mantenga las de circunstancias económico financieras del solicitante en el momento de la solicitud. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Friparás! Vuelas desde Madrid a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Bolotea. Tarifa sujeta a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.

¿Es el 65 a 5ª? Ya, yo he visto. ¿Eso es una reacción y una reacción de blu, como por no. ¿Y cuando fue un spot, me sube que siempre. Esa es una cruza. ¿Eso es? Sí, es una cruza. ¿Y ahora, que sube que me puse en la paga? He always, especially back then. Right. He's a crusher. He still is. He still crushes him.

Yeah. So now you, you superman punch him, you kicked him in the, no, no, no, no, that was the one. Superman punch wasn't that. There was another one. Superman punch was number three. Number three. What was number, that was number one?

Yeah. That was number one. And that was number two. At the time, he owed me $5,000. Why? That's one episode. Because he was a pill-popper. Oh. And he were in Tijuana. Okay. He max a pill-popper and he were in two wana.

He maxed out his credit card and he couldn't get any money. I had done a couple commercials at the time. He hooked me up with a commercial agent. Lawrence Har, one of the best commercials in Hollywood. Shout out. Shout out Lawrence Har. What's up Lawrence? One time he was like, Hey, Harry, there's this commercial you did like seven years ago

and they want to run in Thailand for like two months. Would you accept just the scale again, which is like $500? That's the offering. It's like it's done. You know, they're out of contract though. And I was like, yeah, I guess so he goes, well, I asked for 10 grand. So congrats. Happy Happy Christmas. They gave you 10 grand because Lawrence is a fucking balls the wall agent. He goes for it. He's the best work for commercials. I don? For commercials, I don't do them anymore. Absolutely. If I had anybody coming at me, do you want any sort of cream to repair your hands after

punches? I'm your guy. You're a new soul. You shoe after people. That's right. You want to get the fucking fried rice off your feet. Right. Then Lauren's hardwood handled that.

You get somebody in the face. You got soy sauce on your toe. That's absolutely exactly the same joke I said. But I like soy sauce. Yeah, Lauren's hardwood handle that. You get somebody in the face, you got soy sauce on your toe. That's absolutely exactly the same joke I said, but I like soy sauce. Yeah, it's soy sauce. I mean, fire mesh is good. But soy sauce is more like blood. I was punching it up.

Ah, yeah, you're right. I'm in the same joke. I mean, you call me on real time, which I appreciate. I appreciate that. I said a later like, I can talk to you about the soy sauce joke. I that. I said it later. I said it later, like, I just had to take out what I was saying. I'm going to make it. I mean, it's probably like that, but so is I. I mean, so, yeah, I stopped booking commercials.

I was on a dry street. Sure. And eventually I couldn't pay my rent. I was out of money. And he owed me $5,000. He owed me at the time. I was paying $750 bucks a month for rent. But he's not on mad TV anymore.

He's still on mad TV. He's making money. Yeah. And he had six months of my rent that he owed me. And he wasn't paying me. Wow. And I was like, give my fucking money. Right.

And he was like, oh, I'm sure. And he's like, just go to the banking. And then he was like, oh, delayed, delayed, delayed. I had to borrow money from Kevin Christie to pay my rent. Kevin, who's that? He's another comic, because an artist and a comic, right, funny and a great artist. And I borrow money from someone, just to pay my rent.

When this guy owes me five grand, I was like, give me my five grand. Is it five grand or six grand? Five grand. You said six. No, it's six months. Oh, sorry, over. I'm just making sure you got it.

Absolutely. No, you just want it. That's a good question. Go to the examination, give's six months. Oh, sorry. Okay. I'm just, I'm just making sure you got. Absolutely. I was well. That's a good question. That was the damnation. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Balance. Okay. So he owes you this money. Five grand. And he was like, let me tell you what. And then we're at the back and he was like, and then he, and I was like, you point fucking money. And I just like, well, like this.

And he took a step four and I was like, oh, no. And I just like squeezed. You squeezed his neck. Squeeze. I was like, now, real? That's little like a nail scars. Oh, you have nails. Yeah, I did. Guys with nails are fucking queer. Yeah. Well, I was queer. I got to be the player queer.

Uh, when you get scratch marks, so then I have fights. And it was this separated. Okay. So no hospital the first time, no choke to my out the second time. It was just a little there's like, uh, uh, uh, so second time was a choke. Second time was a choke. Little choke, but a little nail because you're, you know, you don like, ah, ah. So the second time was a choke. Second time was a choke. Little choke, a little nail, because you're, you know, you don't, you don't take care of your dirty person. Dirty. Oh, yeah. There were, there was early COVID was in the next time. Yeah.

Yeah. So no hospital, the first time. No hospital. Yeah. It was a fight for sure, but. Fight. We're not a fight. It was a beating. It was a beating.

It was not a fight, because he, he, he, he gets up and rolls up. Yeah. Was that little animal that rolls into its own shell? Potato book. No, potato book. What's the name? Armadillo.

Armadillo. He just rolls up, being. Protected himself. Protected himself. Not well enough. Not well enough. Because he didn't know. Every dragon's got a weak spot.

You didn't know you knew a foot judo. It's right. Right. So, all right. So now. You know how I found out about this documentary? Why? I just suddenly started getting like, if I see you in the streets, I'll kill you.

And I'm like, what's this? Usually I would, if I got 10 hate messages in a row, I'm like, someone mentioned something in a podcast from the past. And it just like comes. And I'm like, what's this about? Somebody played an amazing racist clip on a radio DJ and charlotte or something. And I'm like, who is this one from? The best one is I woke up to like a thousand tweets. I'm like, who is this from? The best one is I woke up to like a thousand tweets.

I'm like, what is this? And it was Howard Stern coming at me. Oh, really? Yeah, Rogan called me because he saw it. I was like in bed still. And we just started to let, wait, do you need me to answer? I was like, hello? And it was just laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh,

for about a minute and a half. The King of Media, fuck, the voting 30 minutes to me. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, make. I mean, that's an evil laugh. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, hey. So then the second time was the choke. And then the third time was the show. You got me throwing out the show.

So I was like, dude, I was like, and then it was like, it was so punchable, it was such a relief. And so I was like, get back here and he's like, nah, because he realized what he did. And then he's like, nah, he starts his turn. I was even talking to my friend, and I was like, oh back here and he's like, nah, because he realized what he did. And then he started turning. I was even talking to my friend and I was like, oh, this gives me one second.

I was very calm. I ran, he ran, superman punched down. Then the cops got called. They called the cops on you. Yeah, run as easy as somebody else. Like, you got to get the bug out of here, dude. You got to get the cops are coming. So how did you know?

And then they were like, they were like, leave your home. Because I lived two blocks away. I lived right next to Pink Dot. Yeah. And they're like, leave. They know you're right two blocks away. I lived right next to Pink Dot. Yeah. And they're like, leave. They know you're right there. I went to an alt show in Los Felos.

Well, how did you not get arrested for that? Did you not press charges? 30-mile zone, the TMZ zone. So any celebrity or son over, child related to celebrities can't get arrested in the 30-mile zone. What the fuck does that mean? The TMZ, that's what TMZ is based on, 30-mile zone. So anyone in Hollywood doesn't get arrested.

They skate on crimes. Now I'm joking, I'm not part of that. Oh, but if Matt Damon gets caught drunk driving, they let it go. Really? Because Matt Damon pays everybody, not just the cop salary, pays the fucking guys who clean the linens for craft food services, pays the guys who repairs

the fucking cameras. The industry runs on those stars. So the 30 miles on is you let these guys off unless there's a murder. And even sometimes then. In that zone. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, with the internet, with cell phones, it's gone away a little bit. Wow.

But like, yeah, why is fucking brave heart not jail for drugs driving and screaming racial slurs at a cop? Is that what TMZ is based off of? Yeah, I did not know. So they're covering the stuff that gets covered up. I did not. Yeah, that's fun. Wow, that's great. So you were in that zone too, they just let it go.

Well, yeah, but that's a joke. I'm not really. Because you're not famous. I'm not famous. Back then, you weren't still not. Well, kind of. I'm like, well, you're doing the beacon. I am doing the beacon. Dude. I'm not famous. Yeah. Back that you weren't still not well kind. I'm like well you're doing the beacons. I am doing the big dude. I saw Eddie Vetter there. Wow. What was he doing?

Who's he watching? He was watching Joe list and and Luis E.K. document. That was in the movie. Man, that's cool. He's called Fourth of July. Yeah. He went to that. Yeah. He's pretty wild. Doing the big in this Friday, everybody. Dude, this Friday. Yeah. I did Ryan Long's podcast is like, it's funny how you're canceled into the biggest show of your life. How the fuck are you, I mean, dealing with the fact that you're playing such an epic place, such a big place, by yourself, you went, you were doing clubs two years ago, doing great. Right? You were canceled, you whole fuck it three, three years ago. Everything was ripped. Your show was taken from you. Show was blacked out.

Showed the way for me. I mean gone. You were on a hit network, doing a hit show. All your friends are on it. Everybody loved it. You were doing festivals with it. And then that's gone. Just gone. I remember when you called me, hey man, if you want to do it, you can, but it's not my show anymore. I'm going to do it. And I chose not to do it. And it was a hard thing to do, by the way, because it was comedy central. It was a TV spot. And the guy still producing it was a great guy. It's a weird position. We're positioned like you can do it if you want. It's not your

fault. And he was like, please, please do it. Because I need you. He had to produce it. Everyone's pulling out. Not everybody. Ralfi made you pulled out Ralfi, Saguora, Bert. Fucking. Big J, big J pulled out. Big J, they forced to do it. Oh, they did? Because he was on Comedy Central Radio. Oh.

They were like this fucking with your thing. Yeah. And he was like, I don't want to, but I don't hold anything. Of course. He didn't. He was like, this is your first TV spot. Like, you should do it. Yeah. Um, my fucking, why can't I have a block in his name?

Um, the one from SNL. He fucking told the great. Game more. No, it told a great story about a fucking bomb scare at a, um, Michael Che. Jim Brewer. Jim Brewer. Yeah, and he was like, no, Ralphie may pull that out. I like to Ralphie, it'll be good if he hadn't been on.

He said, dude, I've done mine specials. I'm not doing that fucking show of the people who fucked you over. Right. Here's the thing with you, that's right. It was great. Here's the thing with you. Then after that, you get fucking wiped out clean because you're the evilest man in comedy.

The evilest man in comedy. I mean, you're a doctor even. That's so funny. You love it. I mean, dude, on this documentary, they go from the beatings of this poor little checking guy to the other thing. What other thing? Your tweets, your famous tweets.

Do you want to sense? Everyone goes like, must have been hard to have the backlash, cancel, whatever you want to call it. In this moment, and you're like, you think that's my first one. I'm doing a bit about Kanye even now. I was like, Kanye is crazy with the Jews. I saw that there the other night. I'm doing a bit about Kanye right now. I was like, Kanye is crazy with the Jews. I saw that the other night.

You think Kanye just went crazy? You think that's the beginning of Kanye's crazy? I mean, I followed his career. You think this is the first time I've been, I got death threats before anybody got death threats. The amazing race of stuff was the beginning of the internet death threats. I led the way.

You know what I first saw that, dude? I thought you, I was, I was trying to figure out why? How is this Jewish guy racist? Because I didn't understand. I was like, this guy, because I couldn't understand that you had that nuts to go in a cool club, clean outfit to Compton, to a black neighborhood in a gas station and ask a black guy for money. From I am out of gas and he gasp and it's burning.

In the grand outfit. Yeah. And then I was like, I am the dumbest person in the world. This, this, there's nobody like that. Why? Because it's a fucking joke. Yeah. It took me a couple of seconds to realize,

oh, this guy's just that funny. I'll do a tick. Yeah. Alunatic, but that funny to pull that off. I mean, fuck Jackass. Jackass is crazy. Well, you know what, the funny thing was, all the Jackass guys and Tom Green.

When I met Tom Green and the Jackass guys too, they were like, dude, that amazing, amazing stuff was amazing. And I was like, oh, thanks, thanks. And then I realized, oh, this is Tom fucking green, the king of this genre. Of this genre. Yeah. Coming and saying this to me and it was like, whoa,

same thing with like Steve O or Aaron or any of those guys saying it was like, whoa, high praise. It's pretty fucking crazy. Yeah. I mean, I don't have that ability. There's something in certain people that have that ability to do that. Yeah. I don't have it.

You have it. It's like, oh, you got to go as far as you want to go comedically and not worry about whatever. And so every time I get a cancellation, is a step back in the moment? But then what happens is, people, especially comedy global audience, is they start viewing you as the guy who's gonna be true to his own sense of humor.

Who's gonna let someone else dictate. You lose a lot of fans, but you cement the ones that are yours. And they grow every time you do that. They know already is gonna not hold back. They know that you're you, 100% you, no matter what, those fans of yours are yours. I ain't faking it for a fucking hold back. They know that you're you, 100% you, no matter what. Those fans of yours are yours.

I need faking it for a fucking development deal. You ain't. No. Cause you've lost it all. Yeah, many times. I mean, you've lost friendships over stuff. Yeah. You've lost friendship over jokes.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, some of the friends of mine who fucking, the Kobe thing that got them so fucking difficult, you know, and it triggered them. I get it. It's what I'm trying to do. Stir the pot. You try to stir it. Yeah.

And the first one I had done, like, and I can't believe it. And it's like, wait, all these guys who are like, who always say, I expose stand-up comics for what they really are. Just fragile little people. We are. Yeah. And everyone's like, if you don't like a joke, just walk away. So are you going to do?

And then they're all going online going, already went too far. Like literally no one was hurt, no one got any damage. And like already went too far. And I'm like, just call me and say, it's like, we're done, it's fine. But it's so funny how much I expose them all. Right. I expose how weak the entire LA comedy scene was.

Cause I finally found their trigger. One of their gods. Well, it's baby death. Yeah. It's child death. Nah, they were mad before they even found out the kid died. Can I just say something? They were mad before they found out the kid was on the plane.

When they, when they, when they said, I have a son, and being a parent, it is a different thing. Yeah. I cry at the, when the, when the war guy comes home and the kids at the game and he sneaks up behind him. Yeah, fuck that kid. Yeah, no, that makes me tear it. Yeah, I mean, I'm on the road a couple days, but I feel like it's me, you know,

for a year. It's me in Afghanistan. Yeah, that's my, it's like heavy fire. Yeah, like I come on. When's that coming? I was like, you mean if that, he's in, he's at wise guys at Utah.

I mean, you know what I mean? But I still, like when Max will get out of the car at the airport and run to me, and I'm like tearing up like a son, like I've been in Iraq for a couple of years. But he's like, yeah, let's go. You fucking pussy.

Like Max, Max has no emotion like that. He's more like you. It scares the shit out of me. Like I watch like I was watching Creed one and I was crying at the end and Max is like, dad, you can't cry. It's a movie. He goes, what's so he goes, dad,, Dad, it's not a real boxing match. Shut up, Mac.

Fuck off, dude. Anyways, but you, because you're the most evil person on the world, I would say in the world, one of them. Oh, not just comedy. I would not just put you in comedy. I love it. I would say entertainment, can we say entertainment?

If you play a heel, people get upset. You've done it right. Yeah. Here's a funny thing. People and people get upset, you've done it right. Here's a funny thing. People only upset because his kid died. I'm like, one, no, because before they even found his kid, the death threats are already coming in. And two, that implies that you see the response of who came, where it came in from the

hate. That implies that people in Los Angeles seem to love their kids a lot more than the rest of the world. And black people seem to love their kids a lot more than the rest of the world. And black people seem to love their kids a lot more than the rest of the world. And it might just be that they love this Kobe Bryant the guy. But can you see how people, I just want to just devils advocate. I know you're the devil, but I just want to be my advocate. I want to be your advocate.

Yeah. I think they are this Friday, thickets and vanilla. I got some cheap tickets up top to make sure all the people who are poor can get in. Yeah. So all the people who believe poor can get in. Yeah. So all the people who believe in God who gave her tie. There's still seats for it. Yeah, Satan worshipers got those seats first.

They pay the money. Listen, just to be your advocate here. If you look at the string of events as somebody beat up Asian guy, kicked Asian person in the face, made Joe was a war of Cluckux clan outfit to a black neighborhood. I could say that. Made fun of black person's family death. Yeah.

You could see. Yeah, Samarrel says the best, if you take out context with the face. But then add your face. Right on my face, absolutely. And your ears, your pointy ears. I looked like one of those people wouldn't give Harry Potter a loan.

Yeah, I can see it, but Sam is like, if you take out context, nothing's funny. And it's like, oh, I like to make fun of people's deaths. Or I used to, I nailed it once and I'm like, no, I'm done. You nailed it. But like, everyone who's triggered by that, who's a fan of that, gets the most mad. So I did one on like Kenny Rogers called them a racist because he would have fried chicken only. He roasted it.

It was a good one. Yeah, thanks. And you had one. You were talking with Keith Robinson about something where I was making fun of somebody who died. And he was like, how come no white people? Where's your, the guy was a POW for a while, John McCain. Yeah.

You're like, if you, how about some white people? It was, it was, Aretha Franklin died and Keith was like, I don't like it. And then you're like, you better do it when John McCain is like, oh, thanks for telling me of course. Of course.

Yeah. Yeah, so people one that, John, when, can you Roger, do that, all these like middle aged, like 55 year old white people are like, fuck you. Yeah. There's not so death-ready.

Well, you can understand how some people on the outside, when you are in this little bubble of your fan base, right? Which is big, but in reality, it's small. Yeah, in the grand scheme of things. Yeah, you're not a boy band from Korea. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, but even them, it's funny,

where you're like, who's this? I'm like, I have two million fans. Right. Well, you're not like, yeah. We're people who are not their fans. You're not Elton John. Right. You're not world, but you are, you're international. Yeah. You're famous in our little world, right? But that when you go outside of that world

and they look at the dossier on you, it's pretty fucked up. Yeah, it's funny though, because it's like, at first, it's like, it's just to entertain my fans. It's like, oh, somebody died. It's like, if we're all talking about Joey D.S. And we're like, oh, what a great guy. Oh, he helped me with this. Oh, I love him.

I want time he did this. And you know, it's going around the crowd. If you just go, fuck him, that's the funniest thing. You can't be earnest. It's the funniest thing to not be earned. So when a beloved guy dies, he's going, he's a piece of shit. So the fans will like, come and they find that.

And then what happens is the internet will then send it to people who will hate it. Yeah. You take a pin pick of blood, drop it and the sharks come in, take it to people like, what the fuck? I'm like, how do you even find out about this? Who even told you about this? Right. Why are you even finding out about it? You need some cunt to take it to be a, that's one Kenny Rogers people. I was like, Hey, I'm not even mad that you're threatening me or whatever. Who told be, that's one Kenny Rogers people. I was like, hey, I'm not even mad at you threatening me or whatever. Who told you about? You like Kenny Rogers.

Who would have shown you this? All right. That's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, like, did they have that? So you responded to these people. You like going on Twitter and do, because I don't have the energy. I don't go to that stuff.

I just don't have the energy in my life. I don't have the ability to go through it and deal with it. I just don't have the energy in my life. I don't have the ability to go through it and deal with it. I just don't have. What's not early, my space was, or mid my space was when I started getting the death threats for the amazing racist. People were like, I'll fucking kill you or whatever. You know, didn't deal with it. And then like a year and a half to years later, it's like, I'll be your next gig in wherever,

you know, I went back, I lived like, look for an old message and I found all these old death threats I forgot about. And then I started responding. I was like, hey, how's that murder coming? I've been to Pittsburgh twice already. Three days each time, you said you were gonna put a bullet in my head, are you saving up for a bullet still? It's been three years. I mean, they do, can I just say something?

There has been comedians and recently, who have gotten the fucking shit kicked out of them. Yeah, but for what? Personal shit. Well, I don't know. Bobby. No, Bobby could beat up again? No, it's mine.

Oh, no, yeah. Yeah, that's a personal thing. It wasn't good. Chad Zuma got fucking beat up in Tampa. No. Yeah. You didn't see that? I don't know.

I didn't see that. But they're saying it might be fake now. But here's a problem with other.'s a problem with other like to face I don't have the time to go and it like these investors people that Investigate the shit they go back and go through word for word But dude any one cuz especially a performer you want to make it as grand as possible a K justice Millett So you can't just say like I got shoved you got to say I got the ship beat out of me or something like that He did his eye was shut. Who? Zuma?

Zuma, his eye was closed. The eye downstairs got punched. Who? From SNL. Oh, oh yeah, what's it? Yeah, he got a fucking it. So there are people that have passed the people. Yeah, but it's not because of an overt joke.

Not a joke. But Ralphie was like, it's common. Somebody's gonna get murdered. And then fucking, what's the name of the Savannah? Got slapped in the face. Oh. Oh. God, since COVID, I mean, maybe I won't COVID.

Jesus Christ, dude, this is bad. You did this with Joe on your stupid show. Yeah. You guys are together and you sat there for hours, just going, um, um, I'm not doing it. I'm moving on. I'm not doing it.

You moved this thing. I'm moving it with the, I don't know who the fuck it is. He's winning the crew. What great comic moves the water. I don't know who the fuck it is. He's winning the crew. What great comic moves on Savade? Who? You mean Nick DePolo?

DePolo, yeah. You could have been around a fucking Nick DePolo. I could have been around a plenty of people. Oh my God. How does Satan not have a memory? Isn't that a thing? Don't you have superpowers? I know.

I know. Only for the people I hate. Not for the people I love. Nick DePolo is going guy slapped at a show. Yeah, so it's like this shit is coming a little bit, but what do you want me to do? Not be my funniest self. So anyway, you take a funny thing that makes all your fans

laugh, they take it to other people. Someone who gets extra triggered by it, Rappaport, he has a history of spousal abuse. So he is like, I hate you bringing up celebrities who doing these things. So then he sends it to everybody else. Sure. Because everybody's like, I'm mad at this. But then he sends it to everybody else. Sure. Because everybody's like, I'm mad at this.

Like, well, you weren't following me. Right. If you were following me, you would have just laughed. It's like that somebody comes to this cellar and sees you and walks out angry. And it's like, oh, you weren't supposed to be here. Yeah. Who told you to come?

Right. Or you got tickets for a random Saturday night and when Wiseguys, and you thought it was a Mormon comedy. Because you looked at the website for the Uptown Club. Right. And you're like, oh for the Uptown Club. Right. And you're like, oh, you shouldn't have been here. So that's what happens in the internet. They take it to people who were never supposed to see it.

But I told them they're not in once. So if you're at the olive tree, you have to go to the bathroom. You have to go through the steller and go to the bathroom. But if you hear terrible stuff, you're just there for some fucking, for the lamb chops. Yeah. And then you hear like, oh my god.

Saying what's like, they don't have lamb chops at the cello. So I don. Yeah. And then you hear like, oh my god. Saying I want to say I got to talk. They don't have lamb chops at the cello, so I don't want you to hear it. No, they don't. They can't wait a bit. Do they have lamb chops? When do they get lamb chops? Yeah.

Can you look, do they have lamb chops at the cello? It might be off the menu, but it's all, they have them. They have lamb chops. Dude, it's, they're so good. Are they good? They're really good. Oh, I want lamb chops now. It's tough because you got to type it to you.

My moon's lamb, Shwarma and those lamb chops. My moons lamb shwarma is the best. Is the best. You know who had the best lamb shwarma? Without rat feces or whiff, that's your question. Dude, whiff. You're whiff. Fuck yeah.

That's the best. You know who had the best shwarma in the city? When I first moved here, guess. My moons. The seller. Really? You know that front window where the seating is? That. The seller. Real. You know that front window? What the seating is?

That was the kitchen. No. When you walked in spinning wheel of Shwama, massive, but the real lamb, not the compressed mushet, it's the real, I used to walk in, the guy loved me. He would hand me a napkin full of papetal full of Shwama meat. And I'd go around the corner and eat it before I went in. It was the best Shwama in the city, better than my moons.

Wow. Yeah, gone. Gone. The biggest thing they did is gathered at this馈, the fucking red sauce, and even Estee, who's in Israeli, and I'm like, listen, Estee, I get it, take whatever side you want,

but this is fucking too far. And she goes, as in Israel, I was like, what happened to the red sauce? The good, it's like, it's really thing. And she goes, you can red pepper flakes, and I was like, That's an Italian thing. Yeah. That's the fuck out of you.

You know better than you. You're Israeli. Got the fuck out of here. Anyways, dude, you're doing the beacon. Doing the beacon. And this, your career is back in bigger than ever It just it just helps you but you go back and then you go back one step back two steps forward. Yeah, it's a part of it It's the opposite of wait. I used to I used to lose a couple and they gained a lot more

I can take a break Yeah, I can enjoy myself. Yeah, it's great. It's great All those people go away the anger goes away. You just become part of a storyline You like playing the I like playing the hill. Yeah, okay. No, no, no, the anger goes away. You just become part of a storyline. You like playing the, I like playing the heel, yeah. Okay, no, no, no, no, no. Let me be on this question fucking Adderall. Sorry.

Look at you. Here's a guy, evil man in comedy. I mean, you're fucking. I love it. I love it. Do you like playing the small clubs or the theaters? The big theater. What do you think?

I think the small clubs. Yeah, 100%. Me too. Yeah. 100%. Me too. Yeah. 100%. I got sorry we went to a New York comedy club at the night and I was like, oh, he's in his element right now.

Yeah. This whole crowd is. Compositional style, talk and seeing everybody, hearing everybody. Yeah. It's more presentational in a theater. And I do also like it. I like all types, but those clubs were at. Because this, every fan knows that.

When you've seen your favorite comic in a club and a theater, you know that performance was better at a club. Even when some of these big theater comics, they do workout rooms to get ready. Yeah. Like the seller and the stand and the New York comic club, then clubs in the road a little bit

and then theaters, the best place to see them. Even though the clubs is not, as worked out the material, they all enjoy the clubs better. It is. Every audience member who's not going. Because when you're in a big room, we're enjoying it, it's good.

But we never get the feeling, the bigger the room, the feeling goes away that we get to have inside. When we're actually feeling the vibe with you. And everybody's got a sweet spot, but I'll tell you what, I did once I did the Vic theater in Chicago, and I sold it out, but like three days before.

That's a big theater. It was a big theater. How many seats is that? I think 30,000. And I sold out the day before. It's two late, three days before. It's too late to add another show. Wow.

But I was like, but Zanyne is one of my favorite clubs in the country. No. Downtown Zanyne's. So let's do a second show at Zaini's. Did a midnight show. After. Right.

And you can do that? Well, you know, most contracts don't let you do that. I already told that. We're not going to. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. So fuck up. And it's like an 80 cedar.

I think 88 ceds. Yeah. And it was such a crazy, me and Ryan O'Neal did. It was such a crazy difference. Yeah. I think Louie did that in Minneapolis once with a list. When I finished her show, like, let's go down to the fucking Acme. When I've heard of Never Point,

one of the best clubs in the country. One of the best in the country. And they go, well, this is way more enjoyable than the theater was. Yeah. They all agreed. 100%. It's just more fun. The only reason you do is for money

and because it's just not, you need to hit every market. Yeah. There's just not enough time. Your tour will be four years instead of like one year. I would rather do four years. I actually like playing a place two years later. I don't like going back every year. I did six nights in Denver this year.

And they're like, why don't you do the theater? And I'm like, answer your own question. Can I answer it? Yeah. No more on you, love it more. Let's click. My favorite one. More money.

Less money. No way. Yeah. Less money than a few years. Twelve shows, six more money. Less money. No way. Yeah. Less money than the video. Twelve shows, six nights. Way more money. You make there. No, I do.

You make a door deal? Yeah. It was the most money I've ever made. Yeah, but when you work a theater, one theater, it'll be two shows. Two shows. Two shows. I'd make more than that. Okay.

Yeah. And then I'd have two. You get all the, you get all the, you get all the, you get all the, But where else am I going to go? Yeah. That I'd rather be than the Denver comedy works? No, where in the world? I mean, I used to work through all the time

and I've brought it up to you. Yeah. And she don't use me anymore and you will not. Wendy, you gotta have Robert Kelly back. But I don't even care about that. You will not find out why. I found out why. You did.

Oh, you didn't tell me. Yeah. No, you didn't. I did not? No. Oh, I've never it. No. Oh, you've never told me. Oh, I mean, you know why it's that wait just you raped. That you don't think that came to light the next all right. You're the evilest guy in comedy. It's true. It's just the evilest guy. I have I have a couple rules for pranks. You got to live by a life life rule. And you could fuck up these rules, but you got to then apologize.

So if all the people who went after me online, one guy from comedy said, Hey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have fucking went off to you publicly. It was who's the guy against a wrestler? Oh, here we go. You're fucking old. He has a Latino name, but he's fucking black. Fuck it, what? Jimmy Martinez. Okay. He goes, Hey man, man to man, I went after you hard on that. I didn't even see it.

I didn't realize that was your thing and you were being a comic, and I didn't realize that I'm sorry. Yeah, okay. Oh, that's great. I was like, Paul G100% accepted. Oh, good. Everybody else, it's here for you. What were we saying?

I have rules. No physical or monetary damage, no breaking up someone's relationship for pranks. Yeah, and no kids. And so I could. And no kids. Can I add no kids? What do you mean no kids? Like no kids.

What do you mean no kids? You can't, that's too vague. What do you mean no kids? What? I can't get Jay's daughter to record an endorsement for me for Allegiance Gang's president. No. No. I can't get Max's turn against you. You did already. I know. Do you daughtered a recording endorsement for me for Allegiance Gangs president? No, no. I can't get Max to turn against you.

You did already. I know, that's so the answer is no. You got it now every time we're out, he takes his shirt off, tucks it in his back pocket. Oh, I can tell you what the weather was like. If you did that. If you did that,

Yeah, summer's out. He loves you. I don't know why. Doesn't like Joe List. Loves you. I mean, same face, basically, same type of look. Yeah. Yeah, you got a chin.

I got a chin. No physical, monetary, no breaking up. So if I say the rape, it's like, ah, how they go? I might get out of here. I can't let that one sit. Yeah, that's too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. No, let me ask you a question. I'm glad you guys made up, you and Bobby. I did make up of them and he's one of the best guys. But I didn't, here's a problem with it, Ari. I didn't you guys made up you and Bobby. I did make up of them and one of the best guys. But I didn't, he was a problem with it, Ari. I didn't have a problem with him. Never did. Never did. And now looking back, you're saying a lot of people had a problem with Bobby, right? Yeah, when I was friends, I was like, what is it? Why do there are six different people I know who won't talk to you? Is that reputation I have? No, I have a reputation

of Bob's great. How so young comics? Oh, young comics. He that reputation I have? No, I have a reputation of Bob's great, helps out young comics. Help out young comics. He's kind of, you know, he's kind of... Sensitive about his weight. I'm not anymore. All right. Figure it out.

Thank you. I had help. Yeah. I guess I am because that did trickle me. I do about to do a fat joke. It's funny because people still do fat jokes. You know, it doesn't work anymore. The spit roast here the night in all these dumb comics had fat jokes for me.

You're like, damn, you're not even that. I'm like, you're, you're fatter than me now. Yeah. It's like you got to, you got to figure it out. Even Norton, I went on Jim and Sam last week. You got two fat jokes about Norton or you? Yeah. Well, you could but Norton. Yeah. You can do it. Not fat jokes. Mushi.

AIDS. AIDS. No chin. Yeah. Warm like. Warm like. Alien. Yeah. Pale worm like alien pale pale gay Now not gay. All things you could do yes, it's a weird

He's in a man. What is into women? I mean he's likes women women just a specific kind a certain kind of woman Yeah, yeah hundred percent women of a certain gender women of a certain a woman. Yeah, 100%. Women of a certain gender. Women of a certain. There should be his album. Yeah. If he does an album, that should be the name of my next album, cover me and Shiraad figured this out. The evilest man in comedy. I like that. That's too comedy devil. That's two from now too. Okay, very good. Too many blacks. And it covers me, like sad face with like 10 black people. Yeah, you at the seller after 10 30 at night Yeah, I know the back on the back says how many blacks the too many like you Colin how many blacks too many and then a colon one

Serato K. Did yeah, well, I'm excited for you. Yeah, I'm excited for this beacon show It should be really sucks for me right because when I'm excited for this big and show. It should be really good. It is what sucks for me, right? Because when you're gone. No, I'm not around. I am not around, which sucks. I want you.

I have some secret guests. I want you to do it, but you're gone. I would have loved to fucking been on it. When is it next week, right? It's Friday, yeah. I'm in March 24th. Yeah, sucks. I wish I could just go and hang out to see that.

Because it's epic. It's an epic theater. It's a historical theater. And now the comics are starting to do this theater. I'm a club, so it's's epic. It's an epic theater. It's a historical theater. And now the comics are starting to do this theater. You have a club, so it was the garden. It's so weird. And Grammacy is like a club now. And Grammacy was the reach.

It was like a... No, Mike Cannon did it. Wow. You know, Mike Cannon sold it out. That's great. It's unbelievable. That's great. Hold on.

You got to give me a second to internalize that. I'm not gonna help you. I mean, we all promoted it. Hold on, hold on. it. We all promote it. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Ha, ha, ha. Take your time. My cannon, Grammacy, sold out.

Just got it, say it again. My Grammacy, I mean, my cannon, sold out. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. It's a fucking hell out, hold on, hold on. There you go, hold on. Okay. My cannon sold out the Grammacy. Oh, it's gotta do something such a bad father.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. It's the better way to go. I said, I'm not gonna just be happy. It's so dumb. It's so dumb to be publicly supportive.

Uh, but there's the problem with people. They don't understand you're dealing with the guy that supports other comedians more than anybody. Colin Quinn taught me how to tip and leave 20 bucks at a hotel. You taught me how to take. We'll never do that. You disagree hard with that.

Well, she would never do that. You find someone else's tip and then take that. You taught me how to stick up for younger comics. Really? Yes, with the stuff at Just for Laughs and how you take care of the new faces. In your success, how you retweet other people's stuff on your weekends. When you have shows to promote or things, you'll still help other people with your, you don't, you're one of the own, one of the famous people.

Yeah. And a lot of them that don't covet their fucking fans. A lot of the people that get, covet, these are mine. I can't promote anybody else but me. I miss you so that way, but I understand what you're saying. Cove it. Look it up.

You're wrong, but it's okay. Look it up. I know there's an English major, let's do some masters, but okay. Look it, I don't care. You're not backing me down. Cove means like to want it. C it up. Let's do some masters. Look it. I don't care. You're not backing me down.

It's like to want it. Cover me. It's like to hold it to yourself. Horde. I get what you're saying. You didn't say it completely. I'm going to, I'm going to, we're going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to go that back.

Bring it up. You're fucking asshole. You make me look bad. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Bring it up. Stop, stop, stop. Bring it up. You.

Max, just type in fucking covet. The, uh, other the some internet issues with the sellers internet. Oh God nice excuse. Nice excuse. Okay. So Siri What's the definition of the word covet? To do that you'll need to turn off airplay. Oh, you're a fucking you suck you and max You suck you and Max He's hitting you from the grave Oh, no you can't Hey Siri. Hey Siri. What do you got it? What does it say?

Yurn or to buzz? Yurn to possess or to have? Right to have have fans You know what? I'm sorry. I was wrong. But I get what you wanted to me. Too hard. Yeah. What's a better word?

Hard. Somewhere in the middle of those. Too, like, because a lot of comics are like, you, I, to retweet something, to put something about somebody else's, to help somebody else's fame, fox them up. And it, like, they won't do it. Or it's. Yeah, it's so weird. It's like, it doesn't hurt you at all. This is where they taught me in rabbinical school, that if you share knowledge, it's like sharing a flame from a candle. My candle can light your candle. It doesn't hurt my candle.

You still got it. Still got a full flame. Yeah. And a lot of comics don't do that. A lot of successful comedians will only promote themselves until the fucking day they're on. And then the cool thing is even selfishly, it's not the reason you do it. But selfishly, you get like early on, I did like, you know what dude, I know you don't want dude. Cool, you never did that.

Yeah, that's what my point is, you've never promoted me. It's not true. You promote my can. 100% not true. I mean, gee, you live Brendan's sagalow. Adrian Apalucci, gosh, she should be a star by now for you. And nothing from you. Are you garbage?

And when they're a small show and you just push it up, then, then that's a coveted spot to get to promote your shit. They've pushed up so far. Now you can use it. That's not the reason you do it, but we're all just kind of helping each other. And here's the thing, people go up, people come down, people go up, people come up.

Ron White used to ask the people who opened for him when he was like persona on grata in Texas, like I'm broke, can I open for you? Yeah. For these big hot and they let them because they helped him. Right. But also, that's not the reason that's just like a nice side effect. Right.

Yeah, yeah, you got to help someone's yelling at me like, you fucking, you're the meanest. I'm like, I literally put more young comics on television than anyone. Anyhow. So, anybody, you've always helped people, your friends to get on your show. Yeah.

You fought for them. Fought hard against comedy, so I truly like that. They didn't want me on. Nope. What? They didn't? No. I just said that.

Oh, yeah. They didn't want me on. No. Why? I don't know. I know those people. Yeah. They say, I don't mean, right, Robert?

Why didn't they? Why do you think it was season three before it was even four before it was impossible? Why? It was a struggle. Why, why, did they say why? They want Will Smith, they want Will Farrell, they want all the wills. They don't want any, they don't want anybody. Dude, I had to fight for like Steve Simone, who's a great storytelling comic.

I had to convince them that there were, there were comics that were going to be in LA because we couldn't do non-local hires. Right. So I, so I flew out in Okerson when he needed a break. It's one of the greatest. Yeah, and I'm like, a Comedy Central's paying for your ticket. I'll just, I'll get it. I'll show you what the, yeah, it's a sliderm, because he wouldn't have taken it.

Just for like, he's the one of the great, it would make my show better. So that's coming out of my, he's one of the greatest stories. Yeah. So it's coming out of my money to get my own show renewed, they have nothing in mind there. So they don't, they just don't know. Yeah, but I'm going to edit this out because I don't want them knowing. It's fun to play the heel.

I mean, you don't have to edit it out, but like fucking edit it. You're the devil. You're the devil. So in that one time I was doing a podcast with Jay and he was like, you know, it was so nice when Comedy Central in terms of me hating everything. When Comedy Central really decided they're going to fly me out to LA to do your show, that's why I knew it was accepted. And I was like, oh, now I can use the verbane. I was like, oh, no, I can use the verbane.

I was like, oh, no, Jay, they actually didn't. I did that. You told no interest. What the fuck? Like, oh, he is more valuable than fucking love. I thought they really accepted me. They didn't. Fuck me.

Well, we've concluded this is that you are the devil. You are the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, comes to the devil, the beacon theater this Friday. Get tickets right now. The very few floor seats left, but there's, I managed to save some fucking up top. They wanted to charge $45 for those up top. Like, no, no. That's for, how much? How much? 29. 29 bucks. It's a plus a hundred bucks for chicken man. And those seats are, that's the devil. That's the devil. That's the real devil.

Oh, dude, I'm so excited. I'm bummed I couldn't be here. Who's on the show at ya? Seeker Kins. You're gonna fuck out of town. You know better than I'm gonna break on that. Well, you're right to ask. I know who they are, actually.

I'm gonna tell you who the, what? Fuck you. I'm the devil's advocate. Got it. Got it. Got the pot. Got the pot. Got'm the devil's advocate. Got it, got it, got it, got the pot. You got the pot, got the pot, got the pot, got the pot, got the pot, got the pot, got the pot. Tim Dillon, got the pot.

You got Mark Norman. It's hot, it's indelent normal. And you have both were asked. Joey D. As is popping through. I look at the camera and just look there. Joey D. As is coming. Listen, we're not doing this because this is what Matt Taiby went. They go, what did you first talk to Elon Musk?

He goes, I'm not telling you my source. Like, you can just tell me if it wasn't Elon Musk. You're gonna do this with every person until you get who my source was. You're not getting them. Joe Rogan's coming down. That's amazing. Good.

That's it. That's it. Richard prior to junior is coming to my show. I will say, if you're coming to show, getting your seats by eight o'clock, eight o'clock, we got an opening that's going to be great. Don't be fucking stuck in the fucking booze line. Crazy.

Get some airplane bottles. Think those in. Do whatever. Get there early enough to buy booze. That's got to be a joke. It is going to be a line. The show because Joe Rogan. That's amazing.

It's opening and coming out of retirement. Wow. He's not retired. What? Oh. I've been shitting on Louis so hard to his face. And I was like, because he was like, he's taking the year off, but I just say he's retired.

And I'm like, it's tough, because I'm really only friends with comedians, and you're not a comedian anymore. So it's because I'm not a comic. I'm taking his time off. Like, listen, you talk a lot like a non-comic. You're shitting off him. It's so fun. One of the greats of all time, top three of all time.

I know like, hmm, too bad you don't do this anymore. How long do you think he's gonna last? He's probably secretive. Are you doing it? It's like when you say I quit smoking, you tell all your friends and then you start smoking so you gotta do it in hiding. But you could have done it last week in public. He's been doing shows in Yonkers in front of Spanish crowds.

Just go right back to the governor's and we'll have to find out. Lewis, he's doing it in Spanish. Yeah and Spanish crowds. Just go right back to the government. We'll have to find out. Yes, he's doing it in Spanish. Yeah, I have to. How funny is cigarette does shows in Spanish? And I mean, how much money do you need? I mean, you're talking to a Jew, all of it. OK, so you're talking to the wrong guy. If you want me on your side, the same thing.

Yeah. Kanye, we need John here. You got your podcast. What's it called? Secret Time with Ari? What's it called? It's called skeptic dick. Did you forget?

I did. But really, you want to go see a... Do you have to get a sauna? Your brain is fucking dying. You got a hot tub. You get a sauna. Go sauna four times a week. I showed you.

It helps with your brain function. Trust me. I sometimes I really think I got long COVID and then some ways like, but also isn't it two decades of marijuana use? I'm like, mm-hmm. Yeah, and mushrooms and all. Mushrooms doesn't affect your memory. How do you know? What are you, are you a fucking scientist?

I would have heard, I would have heard that. You wouldn't have, you can't remember it. You probably heard it and they remember it because you have fucking brain. Stop talking with. I'll talk you with. Check. It's tough to argue with. I'll talk you with. Check them out on the skeptic tank.

One of the greatest podcasts out there right now, which I helped make. What? I told you about the zoom. You didn't know shit. You did tell them about that. How many? Do you know the festival? Yes, I do.

Jess for laughs. Thank you. Yeah, no, just for us, booktests,'s but that was in the festival it was the jazz festival in Quebec Ontario Ontario same thing yeah me and you a lot of boat was first then you came in no you came in then the lot of both yeah it was like they did had it's too weak festival they had us each for like I was there for a couple nights you had to leave tell them we did tell them in, we didn't park. Hotel room and you're like, and I was like, dude, you gotta get a zoom,

you plug it in, you recorrect it. How do you do any of this? So it's like some tech nerd, you know, whatever, who's like, can help you a little bit. You and Marin are the really the ones who like, help me. I mean, we can leave him. I'm the one. I'm the one.

I'm the one. I showed you, I get a zoom. It's funny, because Marin was in almost famous and you are almost famous God damn it. I'm right there. Oh, I mean I'm fucking the show. Yeah, when you go down the street people go Now they're gonna lost weight too people. Oh, yeah, you don't get recognized at all I gotta get famous as this now But super special I'm a fucking to Tanteessie. That's so funny. We got a

Jew. Aries for Jew is on YouTube right now, which is great. Unbelievable. Special that he produced again. People, he was ready to do a special a few years ago. They backed out. They walked away. He had a cancel everything. I remember talking to you about that. And it was like, wow, but you, you did it yourself years later, even better. And that's why some things don't happen. And the last thing, a dream of mine for a long time, there's going to be earnest. I've wanted to help a quality comic make their special, a directive producing. And I finally did.

Big J special for marrying April 5th. And I helped them make it. And I'm very excited about it. I'm excited for all you guys to see it. April 5th, youtube.com. Big J's first special in seven years. And what is it on his website? It'll be on YouTube. YouTube. Yeah. The Thil Only platform. I was there. I was there. And I lose the kid.com. And Luis. Yeah.

Those are two holy plates. I mean, look at you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's make money or not make money. Yeah. make money and get a check from Louis that's nice. I get yourself a new watch or get views in Philip a theater. Yeah, I do. Unbelieubo special. It was so great. I mean, the crew, it was your crew behind it, your people, you were producing it. What's his name? Directed it.

Eric Abrams. Eric Abrams, who is it? I love Eric Abrams. You want someone to really make your special good and view it? Because a lot of times I'd be like, well, I was trying to light way up. But let's like clear out this whole section for cameras. Eric gets, you know, we've talked about a lot gets what makes a good show and protects that part. So you can

kill and not just get your shots, which is a lot of these directors. A lot of the what they want their sound. They don't care about that. The sound, too, they drop the sound so low, so it matches better. And I'm now I'm screaming. So now my voice has gone for the second show. Fucking stupid. Stupid. Eric gets it. so low so it matches better. And I'm now I'm screaming. So now my voice has gone for the second show. Fucking stupid. Stupid. Eric gets it. Yeah. And he did it and the special came out amazing. Yeah. He happy with it. Which one? Yours. I know mine. Yeah. Jays. Yes. The look is great. I was looking at a essay because looking color correction. So I'm not even listening.

I'm just looking at the shots. I camera in there, clock block that out. You know, like all that. I'm like, this looks great. That's awesome. That's gangfest. Yeah. Unfortunate thing, it looked like in certain shadowing that he had dumb fucking homo red stripe in his head. No, no, no. What?

He did. No, I'm saying that's the problem with the color correction and made it look like there was just dumb. No, he actually, sorry. That's what's interesting. No, he actually dyed his hair red. That was real. What? I swear, I'm sorry, but yeah, he dyed a, he actually dyed his hair red. That was real. What?

I swear, I'm sorry, but yeah, he dyed a stripe in his hair. Why? Is he a complete loser? He's from the future. He's a ship captain from the future. Oh, he's on D-Space 9. Yeah, he's from another plane. That makes sense.

It's a nutmeg. Yeah, they're a little overweight and they've read streaks in their hair. That's when they're not married yet. That's real good when they get married. Where is the thing? Yeah, that's a little overweight and they've read streaks in the hair. That's when they're they're not married yet. That's what they get. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's okay. Okay.

Of course, make sure you go to patreon.com, slash Robert Kelly to get all these first, get the extra YKWD comic rebels dot com to get all the YKWD stuff up there. And there's other comics out there. I got my legend. You got your legend shirt. Got my legend shirt. And guys, if you know anyone in child protective services, reach out and help my cannon's kid, he needs help. He's an abuse of household. Not just physically, but emotionally too. Look at that. I'm at comedy works, but in Saratoga Springs,

not the one in in fucking Denver, which is one of the greatest clubs around. I am there. Sarah Turkish brings this weekend. I am all over the place. So make sure I'm going to Moon Tower. Check me out. Of course, every day on the bonfire with Big J. Ocasin. I was just on finally the new, on the new, new look bonfire.

What do you think? I mean, it's 90% the same old look. Yeah. I mean, it's everybody in that. Hey, man, how you been? I mean, it's 90% the same old look. Yeah. I mean, it's everybody in there. Hey, man, how you been? How you been? And also, you know, I've known you anyway. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's great. That was a lot of fun. I mean, I'm having a really fun. I have a fucking blast. The fans seem to be happy with it, which I'm excited about. And it's like,

though, when you want, like, you need a voice done, you look around and you're like, fuck. Well, I have voices, but I can't, I never do them because I'd Dan his shadow is they're going don't. Yeah, don't do it. Don't do it. Yeah. I don't do it.

Yeah. We should get a voice guy in there. He should. Yeah. Stern would have a guy like that. Yeah, just come in. Yeah, do impressions. See what friend Kellyanne does to me.

He just be third mic. And make sure you check out. You got all the boys here. Boys quickly go through your shit. So Max Marcus comedy on all social media. Joe on YouTube. Danny Braff on Instagram. These are my boys, the autistic boys.

And of course, at Mike V. Swarez is somewhere fucking eating something on a stomach, or walking a dog that has one ear, the tumor in his eye, poor guys, if you can't where he is right now. But he's sweating. So make sure you fall the artistic for. I love how in Boston, it makes it sound like you're not saying autistic.

So first time you put an R in anywhere, artistic for artistic, and you guys are the best fans in the world, Ari. True. The YKWD fans get it. Yep. And they've always been supportive and they just, they get it. They're like, just, again, we're joking. So enjoy, we're having fun.

They are, they're the best. And you are the evilest man in comedy. I love it so much. Yeah. I love it so much. I was like, what is? It's like, it's like, if you can see the joy, I can, there was a lady crying, literally crying out on this street.

I got out, I was downstairs, I watched like five minutes or just seven minutes of a tale that I wanted upstairs, and suddenly it was crying, and I just, you know, it's, it's a big doogle, actually like, I have kids! I looked at what's that, and then the bounce was like, that's about you, I'm like, no way! Why?

That's why I question. I'm like, no way. Why? All right, that's why I question. I'm like, which joke? You got a narrowed down. Was it a down syndrome stuff? Like, no, 9-11. I wasn't like, 9-11. Wow. She's crying.

Literally tears. And she has, I'm sure when I've been called a piece of shit down there on a third, you're a fucking piece of it. They have no idea much joy it brings me. Yeah, she's outside. I know that I affected that. When I get angry comments on Instagram or YouTube or whatever, it's like, I live inside you.

You're obsessed with me. It's so much fun. That's what the devil wants you. That's what Norm said. I love you to laugh. But in lieu of laughter, I'll take any emotion. My friend saw you do a pop and set last week at the stand and his girl that he went on a date with broke up with him

because he was laughing too much at your jokes. There we go. Hang on one second, hang on one second. One second, Danny, if you ever talk on the mic again, I'll kill you. Oh, all right. Just talk, so I could just do third mic. He did third mic.

He really did. He would go, hey, can I say something? But okay, but in fairness, devil's advocate. Yeah. If he just, you know, the devil, you don't have to be the advocate. Just go, that's the devil. Devil speech? Yeah, devil speech.

If he just yelled, you be like, there's a mic right there. Just get it on a fucking mic. We can't hear you off. That's how you do it. That's the part of it. No matter what. I'm, you understand?

That means that's me and go, you get on the mic. You don't just get on the mic. Try it this way. Great, say it without the mic. Hey, can I say something on the mic. You don't just get on the mic. Try it this way. Great, say it without the mic. Hey, can I say something on the mic? What? No, just say it. Oh, my friends.

Danny, we can't hear you. You're on the fucking mic. Idiot. Where did you learn barcass? I get on the mic. Say it on the mic. What the fuck? Yo, my friends, I do a pop-inside-up stand

and his go-but, right? I like how he's going all the way through it. Of course he is. You're like, wonderfully say and his go better, right? I like how he's going all the way through it. Of course he is. You're like, wonderful. He's saying it again. Better, right? That's better. I'm part of the show.

He gets permission. It's the whole thing. I get. Okay. I got visual permission from me when he saw him. It was like a nod. Okay, but here's the thing. What?

As a real host of you, you said what they said. As part of the cast of the show, which he has now, right? Yeah. You need the permission. as part of the cast of the show, which he is now, right? You need the permission. If on three's company, Mr. Roper just came in the house, you need the knock. You need the knock. My advocate, Kramer doesn't knock.

Yeah, he comes in, but it's annoying, but he comes in a certain way, slides in, right? Slides right in. Slides right in, yes. I don't but he comes in a certain way slides it. Right slides right it slides right in. Yes. I don't know. Might as a bad example. I was trying to think ahead something. Danny. Yes. Better. Okay. I will see you guys next week on make sure you check them out. We're going to put this up today, guys, right? Come see the evilest man in comedy. Come see the evilest man in the comedy and Tim Dylan Joe Rogan, Mark Norman. I mean, all the who's are going to be there? Bob Newhart. Yeah, Bob Newhart. Pryor's kids, Mooney's kids. It's unbelievable. The lineup this week and

Dice is stopping by Dice is stopped by Sagittal be there. It's gonna be normal. I'll feel be there. They're all dead. They're all dead. No, come on, stop. You can kid, but don't kid like that. Okay. See you guys next week. You know what, Doug?

You okay with Danny? Thank you for listening. you