Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - BaBa BoBo

Episode Date: November 18, 2019

We get things started with who should raise Mike Cannon, then a new game from Greg Stone, and Bobby's got to wrap it up before we caffeine crash! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta de dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un humenaje de de mao a Madrid. You know what I'm doing? I'm getting a lot of work to do. You know what I'm doing?

You know what I'm doing? You know what I'm doing? You know what I'm doing? You know what I'm doing? You know what I'm doing? You know what I'm doing? You know what I'm doing? You know what I'm doing?

You know what I'm doing? You know what I'm doing? You know what I'm doing? Really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, Little production malfunction. What's happening, everybody? Woo, it's in climactic today. Um, Antichlimactic already? No, not with you, with me. What? What?

Personal. What? Side my own brain. Don't make it about you. Baby, I'm gonna fucking bring you to level 10. Litt whisperer. Oh, I'm gonna kiss you on the camera. Litt whisperer.

I'm gonna kiss you on the camera. Litt whisperer. I'm gonna kiss you on the camera. Litt whisperer. I'll fuck you. Slimey butt. I'm going to essentially get down with you and fucking treat you like a game. I want to try to make you podcast. Do me a kick what? All right, let's start out again. Hey. Anyways, what's up?

Fuckers. Robert Kelly back again at the YKWT. I'm Jack too, dude. You are? I'm so jacked right now in coffee, I had too much. Yeah, you're all there. We're literally all there. Oh, let's flip this to the apple.

Set it on fire. Yeah, why? Mike, take your ass out and wiggle it. I'm gonna wiggle it. I will. Man, that video, your bum. Good, right? Nezmerizing.

The way you get your cheeks to flip together. It's pretty good, yeah. How do you do that? My ass has gotten worse though, dude. I've dropped all this weight and it's starting to get, like, for the first time in my life, it's not like rap video. Get it back, dude.

I know, I got it back. Why'd you lose the weight? Just AIDS. I haven't drank in 11 months. Wow, good for you. I dropped like 34 pounds. That's awful. Wow, it you. I'm like 34 pounds. That's all Okay, those are smaller everything about it is smaller

We got Mike cannon what? Back again check just it is a new special film did hell. Yeah, what hell. Yeah went great. It did. Yeah, I know I'm shocked to yeah, I did I don't know I'm always expecting something to go badly. And it did. My dad showed up on announce that piece of shit. What do you mean? I haven't spoken to him in four months. He hasn't met his grandson.

He's just a constantly disappointing cont and he showed up because he wants to show face for the Super Bowl but miss all the practices in the games leading up. Are you in the Super Bowl? That was my Super Bowl. Oh, that was your Super Bowl. Isn't it more like preseason? Yeah.

And that's a Saturday game in London. It's a big life school, man. Yeah, I mean, that's not your Super Bowl, dude. You haven't even sold it yet, right? I have nothing to look forward to. Yeah, man, that's a fact that you have a lot more to look forward to as well. I do.

All right, so your father, Greg, how are you? No, I'm great. Can I tell him what you told me to say at your wedding? Yeah, at your death. Yeah, yeah. Greg's telling everybody, let me know. They know me, bro.

They do know me, bro. They do know me, bro. They do know me, bro. Everybody loves you too on this fucking podcast. Canon's wedding, he comes up to me, hammer, we're all hammered. We were hammered, and he just goes, Greg, you got one job.

And I was like, whatever you fucking need man He goes just keep my dad from trying to fuck my mom Because I hadn't spoken or seen each other in 10 years and my dad like still has it in his head that he's this good looking Charismatic guy, but he's a fucking Peach will to be he's talking about me That's why we've had such a contentious relationship is because your aggression really reminds me of him. Oh, does he?

Yeah. What the fuck is that? What the fuck are you talking to? I've been afraid of you until about four months ago. Oh, good. That's great. I'm a bloody cat. I know.

You're much more sensitive than him. And you've told me you're proud of me more. I'm very proud of you. I really am. I'm very proud of you. I really am. I'm very proud of you, dude. I just don't understand why you want him to fuck your mom. Oh, because for her sake. But does she like him still?

No, no, not. Well, why would she, why would you have to worry? Why is he gonna, like, is it against your will fuck? I just don't, well, I mean, who knows? Who's a pussy, can't say Ray, but who's a pussy, can can't say right But who's a pussy can't say right with me Against her will That she's gonna rape you mom who knows he was a staunch Really?

supporter Randomly in the dip. Oh my sister and I tried to like invite him back into the fold before my baby shower And we're out to a Chinese dinner speaking about like our personal lives and just what's going on in in our careers And my dad had a nowhere to start it frothing from the mouth sweating and screaming about how Christine Blossy Ford is lying Or how he knows women are like that. That's like right in front of his oldest daughters pretty cool Sounds great. Wow. I was going to do a live from the shed with that guy.

Oh, he's got a new podcast coming out on compound media. But, did he fucker? My mom? Did he fucker that day? Who did his job? Who did their job? Yeah, but guess who did? Greg.

So who did I do? I had one thing to get done. And I did the way I had to get done. You know what? He's not going to fuck done and I did the way I had to get done You know what he's not gonna fuck if I'm inside Both no man can't park two cars in one driveway I would love Greg to be my dad dude. I would love to be your dad. That'd be great really hit all right Let me ask you question. Yeah, yeah, if you had a pick between me and Greg to be your dad Would it be Greg

Yeah, really because I feel like he's on look at me son. What do you feel? What do you feel? I mean, you've already given me so much. Right. And I feel like Greg is he's offering something a bit different. Yeah, but what I know it's called is called Selling for Less. Well, we're fine the way we are. Okay? Let's run through some fatherly scenarios. Let's run through it.

You know, okay? Let's just take this. Mike, you just scored the big goal in the sports game. Cool. This way you don't want to run out. You just even know what sports is. You can hit the sport. I immediately regretted my answer

Yeah, I got one Wimbledon Okay Wimbledon What is he have a fan? I think that's the dad you want? He has ice cream Come to me, you old son You are great grand slam in the Wimbledon game

Yes Okay, now you go first Okay, but what? You just want to I have to sing it like? Is this a music? If you want to be a good dad, then you must add pizzazz. What?

What pizzazz is what you'll get? Ting tingling, ting tingling, ting tingling. Are you my father or the Cheshire cat? I don't know, look how he's Robin Williams, I'm Nathan Lane. Those are the kind of dads we are. But why, why? He was singing the word, for a kid's dad. So here's the scenario. Those are the kind of dads we are. But why why you're singing for a kid?

So here's the scenario. Here's the scenario. Ready? Yeah. You, yeah, you just get an HBO special. Sure. Okay. But they want you to do it in a certain way that you don't want to do it in. Okay. You want to just do the set that you have, but they want you to kind of theme it out and make it a certain sum. And you come to me or us and what is your advice? Go. Go go to him with it. Okay. Son of a... Oh, do I ask him? You're in it. Yeah, you get to ask him. So dad, you have to act too. Dad, I got this huge opportunity. It's everything I've ever dreamt about. HBO offered me a special. Whoa. But they want me to do it in a way that I feel

uncomfortable. They're trying to frame me as do it in a way that I feel uncomfortable. They're trying to frame me as somebody I'm not necessarily. What, like, what should I do? Should I take the opportunity? I'm afraid it might go away. First of all, Greg, in his, can't not, but in his head he's like, how'd you get that? Damn it.

That was my first joke. That was my first joke I was going to. Oh, gosh, have to, you joke? You stepped to my dad, dad joke. Oh, my God. But how did you get that? Look, I just, I wanna know the process. And can I do a guess, but you are the audience warm up.

Honestly, that's something my real dad would ask. My dad did, you know what I told you, my dad doesn't stand up. He has been like, maybe I'll come to the show right now. And I'm like, oh, dad, please don't come. Oh, no. He's like, I love him, he just doesn't get it. That's'm like, oh, dad, please don't come. Oh, no. He's like, I love him. He just doesn't get it.

That's for another day. My dad, after seeing a picture of me with Colin Quinn, told me he has a friend that kind of knows Colin Quinn so he could introduce us. That's cool. That's cool. Thanks for taking credit of my picture. Do you think, first of all, hold my hand.

I need skin to skin with my son. We're both so sweaty. I warm you, I warm you, I warm you, caffeine, so I am fucking flying. This is already on cover. Do you? Second dad, please leave me alone. You don't know on the second. I may be the first dad, but go ahead.

You're going second. We can always see he was picked. I got. Were you, do you think doing this other type of material would sell what your soul, do you think you can do the lesser material? Or how would you feel? It's not necessarily the material that's changing, it's how they're framing and packaging me.

So it would showcase me in a way that I'm not necessarily uncomfortable or comfortable with. Explanian packaging, like you mean, like making you do sexual things. This is a lot of work for me and you have yet to offer any of it. Now, okay, cut. Come to me. Son, come to me. You're here.

Dad. So I was a 40. One second. One second. Hey, mom, give me some coffee, would you? No. What's up, you want anything? I don't know.

Donuts, still. Go down to the donut shop. Get us some donuts That'd be great. Go ahead So I was afforded an opportunity. You know I'm banging your mom again, right? Are you yeah? Are you using a condom? No, I'm sorry. I feel like I'm more of a fun aunt So that just made me hard. Yeah, Gabby is it not as you I wouldn't fuck you ever if you were fucking my aunt I'd rather fuck Greg

Make such good love We would we would sweat together. We combined sweat Greg's chest hair would mop it all up Like double stack downy I'd rubbed I'd love to rub sea urchin fucking cigarette ashes in your mustache Make it make a real aggressive great now. I'm hard make it make it real aggressive. Great. Now I'm hard. Uh-huh. Go ahead.

I'm sorry. Son, I digress. You have my full attention. What's up? So I was a, I was afforded this opportunity. Yes. HBO has offered me a special. Yes.

However, there are. Congratulations. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. Awesome. They're offering me it in a way that I'm not necessarily comfortable with. They're going to package me in a, in a way that doesn't

necessarily showcase me properly. Really? How are they gonna package you first of all? So as a nice type of family man, I kind of want to be the down and dirty bad. Listen to me. Here's a deal, right? You like money? I do. You like a lot of money? Yeah. You have a kid? I do. You have a wife? I do. Yeah. Take what they're offering you right now. Take it as far as you can take it. Make that money, you'll make more money if you're cleaner because you'll be able to put your moor on shows, like the view blah, blah, blah.

If you kind of aggressive and dirty, then it shortens everything, okay? Trust me on this. Take it, do it, become successful, and then the next one you do whatever you want, why you'll have the money to do it yourself. And there you go. And your kid will have his college education.

You'll be able to get a house, you'll be out there in the market and you can always evolve from this, okay? Yeah. And there you go, that's what I would do. But you do whatever you want, I got you a back. Know that. Get those donuts, you fucking whore!

Ooh! That was a win. So is that what you want on history? That was what you want on history, but everything I've ever wanted. You wanted. Dancing like a monkey on HBO forever. Your child is going to grow and he's going to hate you.

Greg, he's going to grow and he hates you like you hate me. You want this? You want this again? Do you want to see what happened to us? Happened to you and young beautiful crew who I'm yet to meet because you won't have me over. Did I not invite you? Fake dad, real daddy would.

Oh, real Greg. Yeah, real Greg. Yeah, real Greg. Fake Greg. We have some adventure. I'm gonna ask fake dad something. Yeah. We're gonna give you an HBO special, too.

Uh huh. But we need you to be a good dad in it. Can you do it for $2 million? It'll be very hard. Just mean us. Good dad. Good dad's very tricky. You'd want me as your dad, dude.

Yeah, I suppose. You'd definitely have more dad experience. I have more fun friends here. I do. Yeah, he's fun friend and he's gonna give you shitty advice and he's gonna go for the funny. There's gonna be times when I'm gonna listen. This is the way it is, but I got you. Yeah, yeah.

He doesn't got you. Something comes up in his life that, you know, pops, he's gone. That's gone. He's my regular dad. I'm gonna give you the best advice I can, but it will only lead to where I am at, which is less than where you're at right now. You want to know something real dad is bringing back his show called Manilogs. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bunch of dudes

his age, you know, expressing their plate for the first time in front of the network. their plate for the first time in front of the network. They need a network. No, nothing would make me happier than we have to close this down early because Manelog's is coming in. And it's the number one podcast of the network. I would love to make your dad successful. Just a huge hit. Yeah, just a stage show though.

Was it really? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, fuck it. We'll make a podcast. We'll do a stage show. Torit. Yeah. I'll prove to kids in the catalog. But we're open. It sucks. You know, it's weird when you think about I had a rough day yesterday with Max. I'll be honest with you. Because I know a lot of people see me on Instagram. And it's, hey, they're so great together. He's such a great dad. Being a dad is a motherfucker. Yeah. It really's hard,

man. Every step of the way, it's been amazing, but it's been really tough, especially when your dad, you know, I had, I mean, my dad that passed Larry, my stepdad, he was great, but he wasn't in my life as much when I was that sponge, you know, from day one to, you know, fucking nine. Right. I had very bad shit. And so it's hard. Like yesterday, Max was just fucking being an asshole. Just a dad, dad.

And he knows what he's doing. Yeah. Dad, can I, Max, I'm in the, I'm trying to work. And like he's like, I wanna work in the computer next to you. I'm like, all right, you can work in my office, but I gotta work, you can't, there was sitting there for saying, dad, can you? Yeah, I'll help you with that.

Okay, thanks, all right, now I gotta go back to work. Yeah, go back, okay, dad, I gotta, Max, I told you, you know, and then it's like, okay, okay, okay, but just this one last, okay, I'll make you, you know, you're a little character black. You want a black wolf, okay, I'll figure this out, I'll hit the pelags and I want his eyes red, okay, it's fucking eyes are red, I got it, okay,

buddy, enjoy yourself, I gotta go back to work, okay. If I was a dad, can I, Max, listen, and I'm like, oh, fuck, I fucked up. You know what I mean? The tone. Oh, because you raised your voice. I was like, oh, I was like, no, I was just like, you know, I, it's not that I understand why my second stab hit me.

He should never hit me. He said second stab. My second, you know what I mean? Why I could be a shitty dad. If you don't have help, if you don't have the information man, I get what it's like, you know, dad, shut the fuck up and get out of the office. Yeah.

Wants to come out. Yeah, yeah. Because it was given to me, I want to That's the saddest part, right? It's like dad is trying to get a buzz on love. Dad is trying to keep relevant. Okay, I got broke. Christ, I have a moment all over the place. And then fucking Andrew Shultz is killing it with a smash and thing.

I'm 49. I can't move like that. You little cocksack. Make the eyes red. Make your own eyes man He was He was up my ass. Yeah, you're doing well, right? Imagine you weren't imagine you were your dad Who's like the coal miner or whatever and you're just in there screaming like

You're raised by a coal miner on energy. You know, you know, wolf herder, or whatever he was doing. And you're just like, and he's like, I gotta, I gotta fucking to hurt these wolves, little Bobby. And you're like, I just want some love. And he's like, God, I gotta fucking,

like that's where you're at. And you're, you know, I'm saying it's great. Yeah. But like that other level of like, I couldn't even, that's why I'm scared to have a kid, you know? Yeah. It's hard, man. I should be scared to have a kid, because you should be scared enough to not have it if you're not ready because look I yesterday he I went to take a nap and he came in it was like he was right my fucking yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he went that he screamed at me here I I mean if this one thing I hate I hate being woken up the wrong way. It's a fucking thing with me I just I fucking the woo fuck I can't imagine grumpy Bobby I mean, if there's one thing I hate, I hate being woken up the wrong way. It's a fucking thing with me. I just, I fucking will fucking imagine grumpy Bobby. So I just woke up. I was like, Max, you can't yell at people. You can't wait people up like that. You can't do the dad, the dog has to go out. I'm like, so I a little had to call my wife and go, honey, I don't got it today. Because I was up from 4.30 and I worked all day the day before.

I went to Oh, Jim and Sam Oh and day the day before I went to Owen Jim and Sam Owen a Jim and Sam went to a fucking time machine. We're back to We had the world in our hands Fucking cocksucker took a couple photos. Okay, you can't keep your mouth shut All right, you don't like them. Just shut up and let them direct you Cox suckers. Fucking another fucking fucking begs Dan Soder to get me on the bonfire. I was at that top of the world.

Anyways, I call the repose, I got him. I don't got it. I'm too fucking tired. I didn't take any and he's up. He knows what he's doing. And he's trying to get me in. And I gotta, I can't do it. I need you to come.

So she came home and I was like, maximum, I'll take a little nap and I was like, okay, and I woke up and I grabbed him. I was like, listen, I raised my voice a year earlier. I messed up. I was like, I shouldn't have done that. That was because I was a little frustrated and I talked to him.

He's like, it's okay, dad. I understand. I'm like, I hope you, and we had this little conversation. I was like, you shouldn't have done that. That was because I was a little frustrated and I talked to him, he's like, it's okay, dad. I understand, I'm like, I hope you, and we had this little conversation. I was like, you should never raise your voice and when you get like that, you should be able to take a breath and I'm gonna try, you know, I'm trying to take, but we had this little conversation. It was like, good, but it was still so disappointed in myself.

Oh, you can't be yourself, fat man. Yeah, you can't. You can't job. No, you can't because you're a human being that is making mistakes and as long as you're communicating it in real time, that's the best you can do. That's a better lesson though. Yeah, yeah.

It really is. I fucked up and this is how blah, blah, blah. Being perfect is not a thing and it also presents unreal expectations to him because if you're showing him that you are a flawed human being, then he can go through life being a flawed human being and understanding that can go through life being a flawed human being and understanding that if he communicates it with other people and apologizes, that's a more realistic thing.

Who just made you a better father? You did. Wow, I appreciate that. Two guys, two dad. Who just learned not you? Two dad, you don't know. That was two dad's, yeah, two dad's. You know what, maybe we should both get that.

We would be great dad. It makes me feel good because later when I forced myself on his mom in front of him Now you know, I mean now I can just go to him today and be like look yes, the whole thing which that was just you know We'll fight and I just had a settler down a little I want you max. I want to you know never yell you but fun is fun He's got to do what that is got to do how old does your kid? He's three and a half months. Dude, it's the greatest thing ever.

Yeah. But it is like, I took him, he came to Boston to the comics come home and 17,000 people. That's gotta be awesome in the town or? It's nerve-wracking. Yeah, Boston, the 17th. No, but I'm saying awesome in the sense that you can bring your son to kind of put this guy to bite by hand.

You can bring your son to kind of witness what it is you do on a grand scale. Why are you biting your son? I don't know, I can't control myself. I'm trying. I'm trying. My skeleton is leaping out of my body. That's a tough times it. We're all fucking geek the egg don't come.

I know. I had percolated coffee this morning. Then I put some into my, uh, uh, a cantico autosale. Ooh. Ooh, that's a good cup to bring on the road. Where's the button? Sip and then lock it.

Are they a sponsor or your... No, they're not. I'm just canticoin out. Yeah. Um, and then I came here and I did the... Intent. Contico. Contico's a great word. Then I did the Patrikantico. Patrikantico is a great word.

Then I did the Patrik stock downstairs again. And I did my little thing and I had a whole ice coffee down there. And now I'm up here having another fucking coffee. So anyways, here it is. So I bring him in his Pete Holmes, Joe and Eddie, Malaney, Leary, Michael J. Fox. Oh, really? He's alive. It's crazy.

I can't see. Anyways, look at that line of burr, clock, Kelly. She's hilarious. Oh my God, is she funny? Was it Kelly? Who? McFarlane. She's so funny.

I mean, fuck everybody murdered and I brought Max and he was backstage and he's me and Billy Burr sharing a drink. I mean, what the fuck, dude? My little kid is sitting there with legends. And then we go, and then at the end of the show, he sat and watched Billy's set. And I brought him out on stage in front of all those people, and he threw t-shirts out.

I'm putting that up on my Patreon later. I got this whole thing that I'm editing together for you Patreon people. So if you wanna see it, but it's, I'm watching him in front of the, he's just throwing, didn't give a shit And then he jumped on the mic. He's like good night No stage fright. No, and then and then on Tuesday he came in for the the Ron Bennington Thanksgiving

And he did the show there. He lost his mind. He was just too excited for that He kept going you're a lun mind. He was just too excited for that. He kept going. You're alone a dick. He's saying, I'm in word. No, he lost his mind. It's crazy. Can I ask? Can I ask, how old, can I ask you how old you were when you, I don't know if you're done. Are you how old were you when you had Max? Because this is what I'm worrying about now. I owe 42. All right. I can speak for years. I think 42. I didn't, I didn't want kids at all. Yeah. I didn't want kids at all. Yeah. I didn't want kids in my late 30s. I was like me and my wife both were like, fuck kids.

Mm-hmm. Um, and then- That's a caffeine intake, have I ever seen? Oh, Lorde. Oh. Yeah. They need to start just watching it cream up your spots. Yeah.

My posture's good. If this is what I feel like now, I can't understand what cocaine is like. Oh, buddy, I've never done it, but I can't, I am spinning. The best. Except you find yourself really repeating stories. Really? I have segments written in my head for this podcast. I'm not even listening.

I was like, this is what we could do. I got five voices. I'm like, this relax, dude. You're talking and I want to finish what you're saying as you're talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Max, Ben, I think I loveton, love putting them got to talk to him, but I'm like You I'm flying Some sorry, I want to have kids, but I don't know. I think my wife

I don't have kids, but I don't want to have one but she's like I think she wants me to sell my action figures first But I'm like I'm get rid of them in a minute to have a kid But I don't know if the she's ready for it. How you gonna have kids? Why would you sell toys and then have a child because my toys are expensive? Keep the toys. No, a child because my toys are expensive. Keep the toys. No, don't give you just to boil him for the two to many. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna sell some of them. I'm gonna sell most of them. I have they've over one of the mice. Mike Mike already sold mine. He sold all his what were you selling? I was selling my Marvel legend.

Yeah, my old guy some of those which ones did you sell? Damn see this is the problem. My boss. Yeah, I got some of my Marvel edges, my legies. Legies? Max one toys. Max one toys. Oh my god, that was real. I'm so sorry. That was real.

I can't. I'm trying. I have like a full bunch of tracks for like race car, you know, like cars. I have a ton of like tracks. Yeah. Do you want them? Yeah. I'll just bring them.

I'll bring them. What are you, what are you, what are you at the start of tonight? What are you guys doing for Thanksgiving? I'm gonna beat your house with Max and your mom and your wife. No, did your wife wanna come? Do you wanna come? Do you wanna come?

If it wasn't on Thanksgiving, I would have to see my family in Jersey. Oh, you have, who's, you have your family? Zach, you have your family too, right? You have your family? Are you coming? I'm in the city, so. Are you coming? I can't, please.

You don't have to play this in the room, right? Oh, I can't, please! That was the Bumbleool Bill shit. I can't, if it's not his house, it's my house. You've got to come up with it. You've got to go somewhere. No, you come up. Please, I will love it.

You have a Thanksgiving? I'm going up state to my mom's. Right, okay. Anywho. I think you'd be a great dad, please. Are you having Thanksgiving? I'm going upstate to my mom's. Right. Yeah. Anywho. I think you'd be a great dad, dude. And beat, but it's, it's fucking, I mean, it's all day.

Yeah. Yeah. It's all fucking day, man. Yesterday was, uh, I fucked up. I fucked up because usually I'm good. Usually I'll be like, okay, Don, I need this much time. I need to do this and I need to go, you know, like, so you gotta go somewhere and do something.

And it was such a fucking long day the day before that we were all discombobulated. And she was like, I'm gonna go to the store. I called her up and I go, where the fuck are you? She's like, what? I'm like, where are you? She's like, I'm at the market. I go, how many minutes do you have? She goes, seven, I go, make it six.

Cut out the milk. We don't fucking need milk. I was like, cut it out. I go, you need to get home because I can't do it. I go, I was, I was, I didn't want him to hear. I was like, I don't have it. I don't have it today. Did you like put them on a treadmill? Like run them out a little bit? Dude, it's, it's, it's, like I, I can, No, you're getting right. No, you have to do shit with them.

Like we have all these things that she, you know, boxing, this other, this ninja place we take him to, somebody else's house, to a park, or let it, you know, play date, and that does. It's like a puppy. There's a child's ninja place. Yeah. What the fuck?

Up where I live in Westchester, Bestchester. What is it called? It's called Ninja Place for Children. I mean, it's such a long, man. Like, literally a dream come true. I'm trying to end something. Just do a Chinese restaurant and that's what you're calling it. Dude, the 80s were like Ninja Heaven.

Everybody was into ninjas. No, not written. No, huge ninja guy. Stop. Not ninjas, like karate ninjas. Oh know not written. No huge ninja guy. Stop not ninjas like karate ninjas. Oh, the most like no, the ninja, you know, the we hang on the walls and you jump on the things and you're the ninja American super fun.

Yeah, they have that for kids and he belts. I'm sure you could throw a kick at something every once in a while. Yeah, the guy trying to on your tail. Yeah, you'll kick him right. You'll kick him right. I would go. I. The guy trying to, on your tail. Yeah, you can kick him right in the middle. Kick him right in the middle. Yeah. He's gonna, I literally gonna try to slow this episode down.

I think I hit the fast forward bus. I'm gonna go to the head. I can't, I can't. Second half, I'm gonna be asleep on the fucking floor. I just dead. We're almost done. I, uh, no. We're up to three.

Do we only have 10 minutes? We're already at fucking 245. Wow. I, dude, I would do six more of these. I, and, no, we're up to three. Do we only have 10 minutes? We're already at fucking 245. Wow, I would, dude, I would do six more of these. I, and I'm kidding, I know. Oh, sorry. I don't know. I'm an asshole. If I were my kid and like, you thought,

I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. I love you and I will be more. Anytime you negative, I'm the positive you. But anytime I hear a negative, I'm gonna throw a positive. Okay, cool. Going, going forward. All right, great, nice hat. What? Oh no. That right, great. Nice hat. What? Oh, no,

that was both negative and positive. I mean, every time you talk negative to yourself, I'm throwing a positive at you because I don't want that shit. But you say nice hat. I don't know yeah, I just love dude, you went. You're like, it's like it's a balloon. You're a dog. Oh, It's like he's been below you to dog Boys Anyway, what we do this wet on the tip of your nose you feel it. I feel it Was real Do you feel it? I feel it Staring directly at you like you feel it too. Do you feel it with your eyes?

You, I feel it. Woo! What is cocaine like? This is crazy. Tell me my secret cocaine. This except num throat. You get the drips to the... Yeah, the drips suck.

No, that's the best part. I don't like the drips. You know what you get it called? Spleno to mi, the drips. You know what I get? Greg, you're crying. Am I an accent? What would that be?

What would that must be? I will say cocaine nowadays, it's mostly fun for about 11 seconds and then you shit for 80 minutes. Really? Yeah, what's in it? What's in it? Like baby laxative, it's cut with that shit.

Oh yeah, yeah. Or fentanyl, if you wanna die. I did it. If you wanna die. I did it a long time ago, of course. But when I did it, I remember that you got the drips. You had a keep up. Post nasal drip, Chris.

Yeah, I hated that. And then, and then you do, you chocolate. I went to the, I actually, I was in seventh grade. She was in eighth. She had these big guzzubas. Guzzubas? Oh, just like a, she had like a little tiny bottom half. Yeah.

But the, she was petite. So she had a little. Well, she was a child. So she had back. No, she was eighth grader. She was an eighth grader. So she, she had a little, she was a child. So she had back. No, she was eighth grader. She was an eighth grader. So she had a little tiny, she like, you know,

like a project rat. You ever see those project rat girls? Right? Yeah. Just I live on the projects, Bobby. She had in these fucking huge, like seek perfectly round CODs before everyone else. That's the worst thing to have to be a child.

It's our early tips of the worst. Every girl who had eighth grade tips I grew up with was pregnant by 12th grade. I tried to get her pregnant. But I, I, I got, I did Coke and I went down to the project. A seventh grade. I did Coke and fucking. Obviously original Brittany.

We shaved his head, that's why it's well. To do a coke at a private jet at 7. So I remember I did coke and I went down to the projects where she lived and her room was on the second floor and I was like, I was yelling, I forget her name, I was just yelling, I'm going, hey, hey, she stuck her head, I go, listen, I just want to let you know I fucking love you. I've loved you for so long, I just told her everything. Oh my God.

Like that I felt. Yeah. Because I liked her for so long. Yes. I was like, I've liked you for so long yes, I think I've liked you for the whole year. I wanted to be with you. Now I just fucking love him so glad and I love your tits. It's so good. They're so proportioned. You know, I like how your bum's small. It's not too big and I like a small bum and you know, I just I just really choose just out of the one going, yeah, okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Never talk to me ever talk to me again. I was

so sad. That is the perfect description of what me again. I was so upset. That is the perfect description of what happens though. I remember I made out with my friend's ex-girlfriend when I went to visit him at college and I just told her I was in love with her. The whole time my friend was dating her. Yeah. They didn't even really mean it.

Well, I was like, I just like you. I mean it. Like, I know you're taking this as a drunk thing but I swear to God, I mean it. And I'd like to talk to you tomorrow. It really is. It're gonna open you up, and you're just like, I don't care, I love you. It feels good to talk.

I throw a share, I go a share out here. Yeah, let's go share. It wasn't love with this girl first through eighth grade. Esther out every year, kindergarten, Esther out, she said no every single year, right? She was dating some kid who was like, fucking around or some shit. She calls me in eighth grade and we're best friends

because I'm like, I just wanna be near you, you know, that shit, you know. And I answer every year, eighth grade, she calls me and she's like, Greg, this guy broke up with me. No guys that were like me, no good guys, it's always bullshit. And I just tell him, I was like, I know this guy, he's been in love with you his whole life.

You said, you said third person? Yeah, hang tight. Oh, hang tight, hang tight. Oh, hang tight. Hang tight. Okay. And I go, I know this guy, he's been in love with you this whole life. He would rather be your friend than risk being with you because he just like, because he just like blah, blah, blah.

I spill all of it to her. She goes, who is it? You have to tell me, you know, and I'm like, no, he's good friend of ours. You know what I said? I want to betray the trust I can. I can't, blah, blah. He's really hang up yeah yeah yeah It's got a real ripple a ripple to penis. Anyway, she hangs up

She calls me back and she goes Greg If it's you Nothing can ever happen unless you tell me and I went It's Tom and I call my friend Tom and go, dude, I fucking did this. And he goes, yeah, I would date her. I was like, come on, man. You set them up. Dude, oh yeah.

Did they get hooked up? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, fuck. But he did make her, I, he did make her a mix CD of all the songs that I picked for her. And then she knew that those were our songs. And then we just like continue to be friends and So you never hooked up with the girl you really liked? I never heard of it.

You had the shot? Dude, I had the shot but I didn't know then but now I know like you But I actually see I think women girls were so vindictive and like eighth grade She probably was like trust me like nothing will happen there unless you tell me and then then you tell her and she'll be like, I think of you as a brother. Of course. Inmediate. I had, she had me hanging around for a year. I, she knew.

Oh, if all she had to do was pull the lever. Well, you can't smell the attention. I had a girl. Well, how did she know it was in my room? I had a girl like that in high school. She was so, so pretty, man. Fuck. Hey, hair. And I don't like blondes. Hey. She was so, so pretty man. Fuck, hey hair.

And I don't like blondes. Hey hair? Yeah, hey hair. Like, you get splinters? Like, hey, like fucking hey. Oh, color? Not the ends, the one she dies, the top. The color, see, I was thinking the ends were more hey.

No, the top is more hey, if you bailed hey. The ends are hey that's ready to be set ablaze by like a dry heat. Yeah, and they will. Yeah. So, I like a dry heat. Yeah, and they will yeah I like the eyebrow thing. I Like to Christian but she she liked my friend Eric

Who was the bad boy just fucking you know he would leave school to go by junk cars and redo them and sell them. Like, he'd be like, still, come on, let's go. And like, we'd leave. We'd drive around like people, going to people's backyards and find like an old Camaro and he'd buy it for like 300 bucks and put an engine in it and he'd show up like a week later. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah I built it and she loved it. He treated her like shit. Cheated on her. She was the sweetest, prettiest girl ever. Such a shallow, I think her name was. Like I was ahead of it's time.

Yeah, really? And I was awesome. I used to have to, and I would sit there and she'd tell me and then she'd cry and I'd be there for all I wanted to do was to fucking be with her. Yeah. And she would never, it would have never happened. And I remember

one time she did the same thing. I'm sick of it. I'm dumb with him. I'm dumb with assholes. And I was like, I was like, uh, well, you know, I like you. I've always liked you a lot. And and we leaned into me made out. Wow. And uh, and then the next day I saw her kissing him in school. Like he came back and he apologized. He was like, I fucked up and I shouldn't have done that. I care. And she went right back to him, right back to him and ignored me.

Wow. Like I was so fucking crazy now. Is he dead now? No, but when I started doing comedy years later, that was high school. I knew that I was comedy years later. That was high school. When I started a comedy years later, she had seen me, came in, I'm hit or eat my ass, and the fuck, cemetery. Oh, yeah.

You're in a cemetery? Yeah, I took it to a cemetery and I made it eat my ass. Got them, right. And a fucking Hyundai hatchback, eat that ass. That way you can blame the smell on the bodies. That's a fresh grape. Oh, that was a good one. I remember that.

Life always gets you. Yeah. So the bad boy, is that when you started putting moose in your hair and you grew a goatee just as a result? Well, I was so good looking back that I didn't have the goatee. I just had that bum chin out fresh face. Yeah. Do you pick, do you pick, do you pick, when you were,

I want to see a pick. Do you want to see sexy Bobby? Yeah. Like, real sexy Bobby. Yeah. I'm going to send it to Mike right now. I'll show you sexy Bobby um, you post you post something for history hyenas recently. Yeah, that was the one. That is a good pick. Also terrible sideburns, but other than that I didn't have sideburns. No, I know that's what I'm saying. They were like negative burns. Yeah, right now. Well, I went straight. I did the

fate. That was the fate. Oh, wow. You look I mean, dude, look at that fucking chin. Look at those teeth. You look like a John Hughes movie. Look at those lips Both the same size one earring where it should be. Look at that fucking Where it should be and the fucking if you're not a foggle I was talking to somebody last night. You can text us these stuff, put it up there. Oh, you got it right here, dude. I was talking to some guy last night. His father was such a mean guy.

He said, if you ate eggs for dinner, you were gay. And he meant it. Yeah. He meant it. He's like, you have fucking scrambled eggs for dinner. You fucking gay. You like sucking dick. I got it. That's what it took McDonald's so long to have fucking scrambled eggs for dinner. You fucking get you like suck and dick I got it. It took McDonald's so long to get us to breakfast. Thank you because that old fucking school. Thank you

Every day breakfast we could have been eating fucking scrambled at six. Yeah, but after 11 you're fucking fake Love it that time time makes you attracted to men emotionally time makes you attracted to men emotionally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My dad told me the best part of me slid down my mom's inner thigh. Oh my God.

Look at that. Look at that fucking beautiful boy. Look at those fucking, those are no braces. Unreal. No braces. Natural. All natural. This is when stole your sideburns.

Where? Yeah. I just ripped them off. Dude, you really have Disney Prince Chin. I mean, look at that, dude. I mean, you do. Fuck, and dude, forget about the body. It was, I had a six pack in that with a V dick act. You're gonna find me.

Yeah. I mean, dude, I was fucking. You can't do this because you're still sexy. Oh, I used to trim my bush fat. Yeah. Oh, it's fucking nice. I was the first one in 10th grade to shave my pubes and became a thing on my basketball team. Everybody did it.

Everybody did it. Yeah, everybody went balled. Everybody went balled. And we had one Chinese kid on our team. And so we called it Bardieger. That was our team's moniker for the entire year. Bardieger. What is that?

Like Baldiegel. Just because we had one Chinese kid howarding on my team. And he and he did not know I he didn't have to he was porcelain Yeah, there he is man fucking hey gorgeous man gorgeous little boy look at him He did a lot when you meet your wife and bang and I met her met her. Like that or like this? I met her like that. You better like that. All right, relax. Yes, I know I fucked there. No, no.

Yeah, she didn't sign up for this asshole. If she had a crystal ball, she'd be like, I'm not gonna do this. It's not worth it. I'll just marry a plumber. I did, I. Wow. Yeah, dude, I... Wow. Yeah, I really feel bad because I told her, I was telling somebody I was like, you know,

I feel bad because she signed up for that. When she met me, she was going to get old with that guy. You know, she was, you know, she was going to walk down the beach holding that gray haired guy's hand. But now she's got this. Yeah, that's how women do women sign on because we're now. Dude, if the shoes on the other foot, we'd we'd have a talk. That's because we're monsters.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, if my wife turned into this, I'd be like, listen, we need to. You either got to get on a keto or you're going to get the fuck out. I feel max deserves you know what a bus, baby. Get the fuck out of here. I've known my wife and get some Rogaine Fucking all dead edge and she went bald. Yeah, that'd be a tough tough thing It's a tough one. I'd immediately boot her out of the house. If I was a woman, I went bald. I shit my head

I would not have the move. I'd go full Hossie and just wear a wig Wigs. Yeah, how much fun is a wig? I'm just do wigs the time? You purple, blue, you do fucking some fifth element shit. That'd be great. You know how much fun would that be? You'd wear a wig? If I was a woman? Yes. Yes.

If I was a woman, I'd full head a hair. I'd probably do wigs. Wigs are, I want to do a wig now. Why? They're fun. You could do all the fun little things. Do we have wigs? Do we?

Give it to Adiawag. I'll wear a wig. Yeah. We should all do hats. I also have a segment for us a fun game to play you guys want to play fun game in Wigs and hats what's it called? I just made it up. I'm gonna tell you right now You're getting the hats. No, no, we add the wigs and hats to the game. I thought you wanted the wig Yeah, you wanted the way I do always but I'm not a selfish guy

So I gave it to you first I appreciate This is what I would be like if I was born in the 80s. I was born in the 80s Coffee did you have one hold whole through, but I'm, what is this travel? It's like a triple. Oh Jesus. You say taco Jesus? Oh, I love this.

What the, where are we? Because I would be like a punk girl, you know? Yeah. So you're Brooklyn comics. Yeah, I'd be like a punk girl, you know? Yeah. So, you're Brooklyn comics. Yeah, I'd be like, what's up? I can't hear myself. Let me put my headphones on. You would have a half hour special in 10 minutes.

I identify as a lamp. Because I light up a room, you know what I mean? My name is... I call me Gerbil, Gerbil half woman half durable Identifies a lamp anyway, how do I look? You couldn't look better really? Oh my god So here's the game you ready to play it's called last line in Western all right, good all right? We go around yes Yes, what you look like you are you're on the coke field did you just see me?

That hat yet that had is you that was my kid after two months of like oh Dude my whole life I looked at myself so why isn't Canon famous what what is he not doing and I just figured it out It's that hat if you had that had from day one oh man imagine I just make a sharp move If you had that had from day one man imagine I just make a sharp move That's not a chalic I'm the Fedora man. You look like you own Jurassic Park. Oh, yeah, you level He looks unbelievable I had one glass One glass injected into my anus rock and roll boys. So here's it's called last line in the West. All right. You don't think do you have a gunshot? Can you do a gunshot?

Can you do a gunshot? So here's how it goes. So here's how the game goes. Can you do a gunshot? Can you do a gunshot? How do I say it wrong? I say moustache wrong everyone says. Yeah, it's wrong. How do you say it? Moustache. No, I have a moustache. No, no, that's not it. How do you say it? Moustache. How are you saying it? Moustache. Moustache. That's what I talk about. Moustache. Moustache. Moustache. Moustache. Ash. Oh my god, I gotta calm down again. It keeps coming. It comes in waves. It's waves, dude. I can't see shit. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see How's that ready? Yeah, we one more time the color really Perfect right so it's called last line of western right you just you don't think do I need a hat you need a hat Well, with man, I don't want gave you one get Bobby hat I'm waiting to left all the way to left. Yeah. Yes. That's the one. He like you like you like you

That is you like Lord helmet. Lord helmet. Why is it so big? Oh, do you have tiny head? Oh, do you have tiny head? Oh. Tiddy, tiddy, tiddy, tiddy. Um, those are the noises. Wait, I need an ass shot. Yes, you do.

You've never needed one more. Okay, here we go. Oh my god, you look great. I love the upside down headphone. It's a look, and I love it. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. All right, we're in a western. You were, so it's called last line in the western. And we just go around, and you say, you say just just riff whatever the fucking sentence is Then he hits the gunshot and that's the last line in the western movie. I just randomly do it. You just go no No, no, you say the line and then you hit the gunshot and it's the next person right so you go like, uh, you know bananas I'll never be the same Right then he kills the guy, right?

So, but you know, you just say something random. It's the game. I just came up with it on the train. I, I, let's go. But don't think, don't think you just say it. And can it hit me? That's a quick way to say a racial flu. That's exactly the real name of the game.

Say, ready, can it go? The engines are perched on the mouse. See? You go. Can it go the engines are perched on the mouse You go now you don't think don't think go oh I go ah that's why I've always been a game and Gabby and we never saw that boy again See like this we just got to go rapid I wait for the lesbian's always make fun of real man Randolph

I would have had you twice Just don't think can you think hear you're thinking, what the crap is around the corner? My mother sucked it in one time and then fell ill. Lobster, you fucked her again, badloin. A horse drank whiskey yesterday. You can bring a whore to a bucket but you can't bring the bucket to the whore. And that's where their eyes are shaped by goldens. Yeah, that's it. It ends when you hit the racial start.

And we'll always wonder who they were Oh, fuck man. Oh you guys are fun. Oh boy guys are a fun crowd That's what this podcast is all about fun silly forget about topics. They ever get that the did I remember there was like a mice problem in here Something right what I don't know. They was like last month. I was here. There's a mouse Dump it and I docked the bottle over and it is a water on the floor Yes, and I get his water everywhere. No, it's just small Listen, it's okay. Don't worry, but you can talk stuff. Oh, you're crashing boy We have an ad to read real quick don't you you fucking dare hit the 15 minute, 15 second, fast forward.

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What dude? You got to go there and get these right now. Temperson, free shipping, Brooklyn, and dot com. Use promo code what dude? ¡Huah, dude! ¿Qué haces de ir a estos de estos? Ahora, temperómenos de freescip.brickland.com Pueden tomar un poco de tuve, gran Presidente, para que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Sarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Y ya.

Y tenemos que ver el Patreon. Ah, ¿no es este? Patreon, Jonathan Gerald, David Bean, Kimberly, VDW, Patrick Preston, Brock, eh, huge horse. Ah, que es su nombre. Mike. Patrick Preston Brock. It is forced. Wow, that's a hard name. Mike. I love just Mike. Peachy Eric Alphano, Jack Walsh, Vinnie Valentino, Cody Floyd. Is that it right there?

Guys, thank you so much for being a member of the Patreon. We are making this Patreon. Three more. Awesome. Sorry, there you go. Three more. Sorry about you, Christopher. Hougland.

Hougaland. Hougland. That's it you go. Three more. Sorry about you, Christopher. Hougland. Hougland. That's it. Robert Teltzer. Evelyn Derns. I hope you guys are liking what we're putting up there. I'm putting a lot of stuff up there.

The live from the shed with Billy Burr is up there. The live from the shed with Gary Gullman. And I just asked Bonnie McFarlane. She's going to do it. And I'm going to get Ari Shafir to do it very soon. So those are the two next ones, and Jim Norton's gonna be doing the two. And I actually have a couple of the surprises in there.

So the only place you can get it, patreon.com slash Robert Kelly, become a member today. It's a price of a cup of coffee. A lot of the backstuff, backstaged stuff from Krebshire Kids' George going up there. Me and Mike are doing this thing where we're gonna ask you ask those questions. A lot of questions, by the way, came through.

We're going to be answering them once a week. If we don't get to your question this week, we'll be going to it next week. So don't worry. We're going to get to all the questions. You ask them right there on the Patreon and we'll be bringing them up on the show that goes to you directly. So there you go. Thank you so much, patreon.com, such Robert Kelly and Krebshire Kids to it.

There it is right there. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that shot. I mean, good kids. Kids never gonna forget that. That's amazing. 17,000. Look at all those people, dude.

Does he like, does he think it's cool now? Dude, look at him. No, I know he's like, I bet he thinks, I don't know, I'm just asking, because I wonder if kids like give a shit or if that's gonna be in the future like, oh man, I can't believe my dad brought me to that. Well, I Let's just discuss the real important

Thing in this photo is why is why am I cross-eyed? Oh? Wow, you do have a shadow baby, but that's hilarious What the fuck look at that left eye is looking somewhere else you look like a baby that found its hands for the first time that left eye is looking somewhere else. You look like a baby that found its hands for the first time. Ha ha ha ha ha. I got great teeth. I got great teeth.

He's got great teeth too. He's got my teeth. Mix? Yeah, Max got my teeth. He's got your everything. He looks exactly like you. He does it. His hair is there here though, which I'm happy about.

There here. Oh, he's got thick hair. Like that's that's dawn's hair. Oh, I thought you meant my wife like a race. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They.

Yeah. You got really thick hair. Yeah. You know, those with the eyes shaped like almonds. Come run a bit, run a bit real quick. Yeah, that's kind of funny. Wow, someone's back. You really have dips. And then the highs go. Please.

I just kind of made this connection of like, yeah, please. I like super far left people right now are like, they like, no, you got to use the right pain at pronouns. You call me they. I want to be known as they. Like they is making a comeback because super far right people are also like, they are ruining this country. Like they're both using they. Yeah. But with different they. Yeah. But with different reasons.

Yeah. There's something there. That might be something. Probably a nap. Oh my God. I was went down like a Zagabadidas. Oh boy. Really almost.

Why would you do that? Because I wanted to test it to see if it was me or the chair. Can I or can I give a chair? Can I give a chair? I switch chairs with that chair. What? I knew that was me. You gave me the bogey.

Oh, you're still dirty dog, you. Leave a chair. I still love you. There's nothing you can do about it. Yeah, there is. This chair. Take that chair. You need to take the mic out.

I gotta hang on. How are you? Are we just going to constantly be on it? You gotta keep letting it out. I gotta hang on. How are we? We're just gonna constantly be on it. You gotta keep letting it out. I can't stop talking! Oh, you did it wrong! This is what you get when you ask me to be here. To the Lou!

Anyway, you guys want to buy a gun. I don't know what to do with it. Well, we talk about Max, great kid. I love you guys, man. I really do. I think you guys are both great people. That's really, that's real. Like, I know I love you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bobby, I love you too. I want to spend real time with you. When do you want to come up the house? Yeah, I would love to come up to the house. Me too. We'll come up with Mike. Just in case you feel like we could awkward, we could always refer to him.

Well, why don't we go to dinner or something? I would go to dinner. A lot of invite you guys up for dinner. I would love to bring the baby. Yeah. You can bring your girl. Yeah, yeah, my wife Tita. Tia, D.A.

Not Tina, Tida. What is she? Like a human. No, like what nationality. Tia, her parent Thailand. Really? Yeah, wild. Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, that means crazy.

Her mom is nuts real her mom seems to I remind her mom is that a real translation or was that a joke? Bob Bobo you know that's real you could use it so much fun if you're in a tyra So not and someone does something crazy go this guy Bob Bobo they will light up I didn't get Bob Bobo but you got point there head to Bob Bobo Bobo Bobo Let's try right now do some crazy What is it baby hey hey Bob Bobo Boba Boba Boba Boba. Let's try it right now. Do something crazy. What is it, baby? Hey, hey, Boba Boba. That's fun.

Boba Boba is so fun. That's like a lovely one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fun. Uh, he, Mike, Boba Boba. Boba Boba Boba Boba. Oh, yeah. Uh, Tita's my, uh, boy, you go, you go, you go. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. I don't want to be crazy, but I'd say I won't stop spinning. You know, I did a girl from Laos. This chair's warped too. Well, just sit forward. I think it's the building. I think the building is a free war building. I did a girl.

I did a war. I did a free. The first. The liberal war that's happening now. I did a girl I did a war I did a freak the first Deliberal war that's happening now The war on language You did it grow from Lau Lau Asia Lau Asia Lau Lau Lau Stego Lau That's close to Keon Keon

It's close to where? It's close to Thailand, Vietnamese, Vietnam, and... U banh cha teen. High fong. High fong. That's a lot of fun to say. Well, they have great ribs there. Was she good or Louse? Well, I'm bad.

Oh. How did you almost miss? I don't know. Double vision. How is that? White guys. Hey, I'm not white, I'm American. She actually not white, he's Italian.

I actually met her at a Chinese restaurant, really? Funny. Nick's at Collins, and I met her, I talked to her in the park, and I went back to how she went to MIT. She was brilliant, and I, we used to fool around in her dorm room, but she loved wine. Like wine. Yeah, oh no, and they're allergic That's true I mean the right way

Left Yeah, she used to love red wine and I remember people drink red wine too much They dehydrated and they keep the red on their lips and it's all dried out and then their teeth and it used to gross me out. Yeah, I fucks up a sober too. I didn't drink. I didn't do drugs. And I remember she just had red lips and teeth and I just like, look.

Fermented grape dust around your dick. Nope. Oh, I get that bit. Yeah. Woo. I don't want you to take credit for that. I was working 15 other things in my head. That was on me and I'm sorry. Just delayed entrance.

Yes. Right there. The third one. Oh, the second one. Yeah, that's shit. Oh, I hate wine drinkers. Do you know where I met you? I met you.

I met you. I miss. Do you know where I met you at a Chinese restaurant? Yeah. We imagine. Left to the I met you at a Chinese restaurant? We left to the right. We were both, we were both working up. Baba, baba, baba. We were both working our way into the fucking fried shrimp.

Um. Hello. A little, a little fucking, oh my god. Got something funny. That was not a real laugh. That's not a divorced girl. Ah, I'm going to win. I'm going to win.

Where did we meet you, psycho? Skating surf festival. What? Do you remember skating surf festival? No, I never went to a surf festival. Yes, or maybe it was called Skating. It was a metal. It was, it was, my chemical romance was cool, I was saying.

It was a fucking sefestival. Maybe skating surf. You mean bamboozle. Bamboozle. Bamboozle. Bamboozle. Yes. I never did a skate and surf.

Anything. It used to be called skate and surf. Bamboozle. Yes. I remember that. And me and Anthony were there. We had. DeVito.

Oh, yeah. I don't, I, I, listen. There's no need for you to remember me because I was a nobody. I'm still a nobody, but I'm working to get better. You're somebody. Oh, I'm a somebody. You're somebody.

You're a big person in my heart. You were, you were very nice. You were very nice to me and I was a nobody. Do you remember what happened to me there? I don't know if I was there for, I just remembered some, some women were trying to, and you were affecting them off. There was two girls going,

and you were like, yeah, great, great, great. I remember, I was tourgasm. My knee, it was a year after tourgasm. My knee, I went from my operation. Number one, I'll tell you this, from my operation, Dane Cook, or Northern production company paid for anything. Get the fuck outta here, really?

Nothing. Nothing. And you guys didn't even get paid for the day. They, they, they fucking made me, no, we didn't get paid we got paid that's for the kids the gigs Yeah, yeah, we didn't get paid to be on a you didn't get paid to be on HBO No, cuz they he they put it under a documentary thing even though it was serialized And and they made a sign a life away and if I knew if I I knew what I knew now, if I could have been, if I could have had five percent of Patrice in me,

I would have said, go fuck yourself, I would rather not be on it. And then they would have had to flip, but I was so eager to be famous, so eager, and if you told me, dude, this is gonna pop you, which they didn't, it didn't. It did you a little bit, but not, you know. That's how I got to you.

You bought your apartment. Whatever, I bought my, but that was off from, that's how I got to you. You bought your apartment, whatever, I bought my, but I had that was off from now. You don't understand that. That was off a tour that my agent Matt Frost put together with Live Nation. Oh, shit. Okay. And they weren't gonna back it,

because they wanted me to do a tour with Barry Katz. Right. And I was like, no, I don't want to do that. I want to do my thing now. Yeah. I was supposed to go, I didn't get any money from that. I was supposed to go be able to do my thing and you were going to help me. And they were like, no, you have to do our thing.

Oh, we're not going to help you. And I was like, fine, I'm just going to go do my thing. And then, and then, oh shit. Do you feel that I love your computer? No, no, no, I spoke to them on the floor. We're good. Can I have the napkin a little faster than that? You're like, don't, no, I spilt it on the floor. We're good. Can I have the napkin a little faster than that? You're like, don't.

Yeah, I mean, it's so weird because now knowing what you know now, you had all the leverage. If they were like, we're not gonna pay you, you'd be like, then blur my face. Yep, that's what I was like. So, blur my fucking face. Amazing, right? I would've been like, blur my face, fuck you.

But I don't, I- Did you film it before they took it? No, it was only supposed to be, it was supposed to be a two hour documentary and then they HBO bought it and made it a nine episode deal. So it was already done. It was done, but it was supposed to be a documentary. Like you go and buy the DVD or they air it one time as a movie and they said, fuck it.

Let's make it. That's why they had to do story arcs and they gave everybody like a character, which was horseshit. Well also you were the most entertaining part of it. The only thing people remember is you breaking me and Gary bouncing. I should have said no, I didn't. I took the hit didn't get shit. Not even like a fucking tourgasm jacket.

Wow. They give us a tourgasm metal. It was a die cast metal that said tourgasm that I don't know where the fuck that is. If I had it, I got to find it. Any who, um, yeah, they didn't get a shit. And I remember when I broke my knee, I was like, any, they should have paid for air all that. I had to pay for everything. I had to go into my insurance and I had to pay for all that. Fucking. So then, you put any of that on, should I hate Dane for this?

I don't know who you hate. Hate whoever you want. I'm just telling you what happened. Your back. I'm just telling you what happened. Okay. Okay. Nobody covered my fucking, nobody even get, and I told them, I go, look, I have to pay this

money for, you know, like I have a deductible. I have certain things I have to, yeah, yeah, just send us a bill, nothing. Anywho. So we go to, I break my knee, the guy who does my operation, I fucked up. I thought doctors were great. Yeah. He did a shoulder operation they did on women eight years ago. He did on me.

I don't even know if he did anything to be honest with you. What? So I was walking around, he did that operation, but on your knee. Yeah, and they both been. Well, it's for women, a different. Women can kind of live with an ACL thing. They just heat. What they do is they, if it's not ripped all the way,

they'll just heat. I don't know. Well, because they don't have to do many lateral steps in the kitchen. I'm in rage. I'm furious. I'm just trying to... No, you're great. I'm in rage. I'm furious. I'm just trying to know your grant. I'm just like, I love that show and define this out as like, I had this.

So for a year, I'm walking around with this still fucked up ACL. I'm thinking it's great. I'm at that festival. I'm going to a rubah the next day. I go to that festival at the metal lands. I have a fucking Red Bull sponsored it. Yes. So they have this big outdoor tent for comedy

on this rock stage, and then they have this huge, big, huge one over there, right? So people are kind of filtering in and out the whole time. I have this Red Bull, it's around this big, huge. It's like fucking 20 Red Bulls in one cup. And I'm just walking with it to get jacked up to you. This stupid show outdoor music festival. Fucking loser shaky stage to stage was shaking.

I step off this curb. It's like a foot and a half. Oh, good. My knee folds sideways. I snap my ACL. What again, because he never did the surgery right. I'm on the ground. The same pain I felt in the show,

same thing happened, but I'm like, I'm at a rock festival. But what happened, there was this comic, his name was Shane. No, he was hosting the show. What was that guy's name? Kyle Seese. No, I can't remember. Believe in yourself.

Everything is a setup for life. Comedy Tony Robbins. I fucking can't remember what's his name. He had leather pants on. He had like, what was big? No, wasn't. Fuck, what was his name? Wow, I really kind of punk rock guy. Definitely. No. I remember, but I don't remember. He had leather pants. He looked so rock and roll. He had these rock and roll real leather pants on brown. And he had this rock shirt on. He looked like a million bucks rock festival.

I fell off this curb, my leg snapped. I threw this night, this whole cup of red bull and went on his leather pants. I just remember looking up and he was like, man, my pants. Set up the leather and like man, my pants. Set up the leather it'll fucking fall off. Oh dude, no it's staying, those fucking. It was organic, man.

It was saddle leather. Is that guy still around? No. Josh? Yes, spear. Spear. It was Josh here. Oh yeah.

I remember. Yeah, yeah, he's around. Nice guy though, he took the hit and then I remember they, I was, I just like, dude, I need something. You got to get me it was, it was pain was so bad. I had to go on stage with, with no shoes on. You went on, because I could, I had to go on. I had to do the fucking show. I don't fucking miss a show. I don't talk about baby. I don't miss a show. Look at your father. I don't miss a show. That's why I, uh, my, yeah, that's right. Yeah. And I went on. I did the fucking thing. And then I had to go to Rubo the next day with a ripped ACL.

It's a cry, I don't think you're supposed to fly with that. No, you're not. Definitely not supposed to do outdoor comedy festival shows. Oh my God. I was up there, I remember when I was up there, my fucking leg was killing, I had no shoe on. Yeah. Because I had to take the shoe off that leg,

because it was just killing me. And I was sitting down, me sitting down. And I remember just people filtering in and out and then we're now yank of itch went on. Yeah, he killed. And everybody just like, Oh, man, I left. Sorry, I never saw you now.

Everybody left, man. Yeah, that's the performance of the fat suit. Did you get it, did you get it repaired since? I had to go, I went to the doctor guy who did the jets. And he was like, you should have sued. The doctor, we haven't done that operation on the knee in eight years. It was for shoulders and it didn't work then.

They did it on knees to see it and it worked a little bit, but it's not supposed to work. You need a new seat. You needed a new ACL. So I had to do the whole operation over again. Go through all that fucking pain all over again. Rehab again. And I had to pay that money again. Fuck man. Did you, uh, does it hurt when it rains? I know. I have so many body parts that I've torn or broken in my life that every time it rains or is about to rain, I'm in severe

pain all over my body. Why? Because I Because it's like something with the barometric pressure. My fucking hand hurts, my nose hurts, and my knee hurts. How will you escape order? Is that my high-tech? Basketball player. I broke my nose by playing full court one-on-one, dribbling to a side, hitting somebody's shoulder.

My nose got pushed all the way over to under my left eye. Oh my god. Crazy. When I was like 16, 17, I had to go in, and I had to get it broken back into place. And the doctor had to inject a needle into the break. So she went up my nostril, injected it, and then did another shot, snapped it back into place.

My mom was like hysterically crying, watching me. I'm bleeding all over the place. She's like, you okay, you okay? And I'm like, yeah, she's like, we got one more. And then she smashed it straight back into my face. I'm shivering, bleeding all over the place. She's like, you okay, you okay? And I'm like, yeah, she's like, we got one more. And then she smashed it straight back into my face. I'm shivering, bleeding all over the place. She's like, you did great. Usually men decide to like, you know, be put under for this. And I was like, you literally did not give me that as a knock. You fucking stab me in the break zone. This is why you hit your dad. Your dad who did this. The back

of a civic. Yeah. Oh, dude, break, getting your bones broken back into place is just as painful as the actual end. Really? It fucking sucks. I had to do that with my hand too. I punched the ground when I was running track. Why? Because I had to run 8400.

Because the Nigerian was faster than you. Believe it or not, my coach was Nigerian. And he's a pedophile who is now serving prison time. Really? Yeah, a tap. Tony was your coach? His name was Mike. And he worked a pedophile who is now serving prison time. Totally. Yeah, a tap. Tony was your coach? His name was Mike and he worked for Tapensee High School

and he used to go, turn your leg, turn your leg, turn your leg. And then I guess he fucked a kid. Turn your leg, turn your leg in my mouth. In my mouth. Oh, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, what is it? Baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga,aga, baga, baga, baga,aga, baga, baga,aga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baga, baa baa baa baa Oh my land, uh, we, uh, paint killer. Huh? Yeah. I love that you're coming down again.

Dude, come down. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I always buy a gun, my head always goes, purchase a gun. There was a shooting today too. Really? Where? Now for the high school. What happened? Somebody entered a high school with a gun and discharged bullets. I'm at, but didn't hurt anyone. Seven hurt?

Not sure how many dead. Jeez. What high school? Uh, something, a couple of my, yeah. I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said. I was gonna wild this one. Oh, one dead. Four wounded at Saga August. Why do you have a joke about that? What?

It's Saga. I go Massachusetts. It says, you can't be tough and come from Massachusetts. Massachusetts. Where are you from Saga? It's Massachusetts. Hello. Did you do that on premium blend?

I think so. I think I remember that. Oh my God. Was that fucking Saga? You did a little nice wrist twist. Oh God. My premium blend, I look great, but I just was garbage. Was that a killer set though? I did always murder. What they would do one dead, they should just say the name. Why? You know, it's like one dead. They have to look through it. Jeff is dead. Yeah, yeah, 15 hurt.

Mike's out. Mike bit the big one. Yeah, he got to confirm and get permission. All that stuff. No, I was saying, how's the killer? What's deep inside of him? I know you know all this stuff.. How's the killer? What's deep inside of him? How does my, how do you know all this stuff? Because I live with two journalism people. And also you've considered going on mass shootings before. I've looked into it.

Yeah, I'm just trying to look at the one dead. Yeah, good, Gabby. I can picture Mike's face on the cover of Rolling Stone, looking like he's gonna folk album. There we go. I can't wait the one day I walk up and I see Gabby ducttaped in the window. Just tell me, don't come up.

I can micr the gun the back of a skull. Waiting for Fathos to come up the stairs. Blow me away. I work for the high ines! At the comedy seller, 15 hurt Gabby dead. At least I'm in the cellar. Yeah. That was poppice and Chris D had to come down and talk him off the ledge.

He said it's a character piece after killing a, it's a guy. I was doing a bet. It wasn't a bet. Oh, bull. Sad. Now this is whatever dude, I don't know what to talk about it. Yeah.

He really is like the old West right now with fucking guns and people killing each other. It's fucking crazy. Believe it or not, the old West, not as violent as you think. I think the annual murder rate was like two. No. Yeah, no, not for real. First of all, people as well, they couldn't keep.

Yeah, who was not going to get that? I don't know. Do you know why I just said that? Because I pitched a TV show yesterday and the producer I was with said that. And now I'm just reiterating it as, and somebody wanted to let us know that he's in the business.

No, this is like the 14th pitch of the same idea. It is. Now he does 14 pitch. He's done it 14 times. Successfully to the sub market. Your life is like an edge of darkness where you're continually living the same life pitching as safe.

We're gonna pitch it this way today. He dies again. I'm at like Buzzfeed kids. I'm at like Buzzfeed kids. I'm at like Buzzfeed the materials. You have a side rate in the United States from 800 to 1900 was 10 people for every 100,000. Yeah, I don't know. Two years. What does that mean as compared to today?

Yeah, but rape was legal back then. Yeah, so it wasn't so bad. I don't ask a phone. Well, I mean, they're just like, you just grab a girl and bring her upstairs, you have screams, and then come down and you got some, I want some whiskey. It's just, she was saying, no, it's like,

stop being a bitch. This is probably a dark and crazy thought, but like I was thinking about that, right? Like, that's how we know society's doing better now, because we are worried about rape. Like back then, we're worried, we gotta get to rape. I think we've always been worried about it. No, I think back then, actually women, so many people dead and dying and it was worst.

It was like, eh, rape is just with this stuff. Do we have to tell this to Gabby? Don't talk to me. You hear what I'm saying with this? You think that we're moving, like Gabby, you're finally worried about rape, right? Uh, depends on the day. No, but I mean, like, I don't think this is like, I got make sure I made my thoughts correct so this doesn't down.

Oh, say it fast, say it fast. Come on, say it fast. Come on, hey. I think it's like we've got to, rapes an issue, it's good it's an issue because, that's getting my career folks. Check out my Patreon, I'll explain it for right then. Check out the Patreon, I'll explain it for her right then.

Check out. So was Patriot Robert Kelly. I'm fast Robert Kelly. We joined it. We have a joint patriot. He makes ads. Let's start taking stuff from hyenas. Kackle over this, please. I don't know what I saved you. That hurt. Yeah, I don't know what it should because I don't know what it is. It was about them. It wasn't about you dumb. Oh, what? Oh, no, I don't. You think I'm just thinking it's rape is a big deal right now. I don't think what it should because I don't know what it is. It was about them. It wasn't about you dumb dumb dumb. Oh, what? Oh, no, no, I don't, I don't, I don't,

I'm just thinking that it's rape is a big deal right now. I don't think it should be. Rip? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's what I was going all the time. No, he's trying to say that we're getting to rape and molestation, like if you were molested in the medieval times, people were like, yeah, it's a Thursday, it's evolving,

but we have to worry about the play. Yes, that's what I'm trying to say. So we're finally on to rape. We're on to rape, which is good, because we used to sifted through the more pressing issues. Yes. Now we're at rape. Well, Suez, all that was worse than.

Well, women weren't considered equal to men. Yeah, bigger problem. Forever. And now they're considered equal. You know what? They're thinking actually paying them the same as us. I mean, that's a wild thought if you think about it. No, if they should be paid money.

Not the same. Not Bobobo. He's maybe not Bobobo. No, but you have to say, thanks Mike for understanding. I get you. I still don't get it. I know and I don't want to keep going. It's the further I dig, the further we get from Earth.

Mate, it's um. So what are you guys doing Thursday? dig the further we get from Earth. Make it. So what are you guys doing Thursday? It's a Thursday. I had a doctor supposed to get married. Just trying to get my bills. My balls checked to make sure I can have a child. Are you really? Oh, you spell it into cups.

No, I made that whole thing up and I don't know why. Do you just make something up? Sometimes I just say things because I want to be talking. Do you ever do that? I just want to be talking. So grab whatever's loaded. I pulled something off my balls while I was sleeping on that and it made me bleed. What? No boy. That's a skin tag. We got a Google list. No, it was like a ball. You just pulled your ball off your ball I just made that up How fun is that it was fun. Yeah, just say a lie bad do it. I nicked my nuts with a razor real Real I real I really live

You had manscape the sponsor of the show. Yeah, you would have that problem go to manscage.com use Code what dude promo code what dude capital W the show. Yeah, you would have that problem. Go to msq.com, use the code. What dude? Romo code. What dude? Capital W. Lorca's H capital. Well, so you're not really getting your balls checked. No, I think my balls are all right. We got a we were, I got some action figures. Then she's going to let me start spilling in the spilling juice. It's very hard to get a woman pregnant by the way. Really? It's not that easy. Oh, it is. One shot. That's what a key.

It happens, but it was, she was ovulating, right? You do. I don't know. I literally did it as a joke. Well, she had, I was leaving for the Middle East. What's the joke? Yeah, the next day. And I was at least, what are you, a terrorist?

Why are we going to the Middle East? To perform for our troops. Oh, really? Yes. I would take back with all these ideas. Uh, yeah, I get by. I didn't see any of your photos on Veterans Day. Oh really? Yes. I would take back with all these ideas. Uh, yeah, I get by any of those photos on Veterans Day. Oh, I did. I put up a video of me getting bit by the Marine Dog. Oh, I remember that.

Yeah, goddamn right. I still... You know, you know, Dane got bit by a fucking Marine Dog. No, hopefully my career takes off as well. And then I won't pay for my friend's knee. I'm gonna get a fucking email from his lawyers. He offered a fucking whatever. Yeah. Um We offered. Oh, fuckin' whatever. Yeah. Anyways, not to need lessons to this.

I think it's actually hard. There's only one day a girl can get pregnant. Yeah. Right? And everyone knows. No, I'm asking you. I don't know. I'm never done.

I've never done the research. Oh, she wants to be happy. How many babies do you have, Gabby? What? How many babies have you murdered? Yeah. Not done the research. Oh, she wants how many babies you have? What how many how many babies have you murdered? Upwards of 14 you oh my 14 A-bo's 14 A-bo's Oh, nice zero. We're zero right now. You've never had an abortion never never I think I'm infertile That's what I have real you go. I Know happens. Why do you guys you guys do you have guys?

Jizzing in you? Yeah, every time just a check. I go, I think my theory is right. You're like this, you're gonna come, he's like, right now I'm gonna pull out and you just lock you along legs. You're gonna fucking, you get your big long legs right around him and you're not going anywhere.

I'm trying to prove a theory. How scary is that? I've had that plenty of times. And to the point where I had to build up my hip flexors, just doing sure. I'm not pregnancy. I had a girl do that once. I was like, I'm gonna come.

I go, I tried to pull out, she grabbed me with her legs, she goes, leave it in. She pushed me in, I'm, and I went, oh, I'm fucking finished. Yeah, I'm terrible. Oh, it's horrible. Speaking of troops, this also happened with a chick where I was having sex with this girl

and I like, you know, hit the wall behind her and like something, you know, one of her cloths fell and just a picture of her with her soldier boyfriend showed up and I was like, oh, I'm currently fucking the country. Like, you're fucking a absolute piece of shit. She locked legs, I dropped a batch, but she was on the patch, I dropped a batch, but she was on the patch. You dropped the batch, but she was on the patch? Snatch.

Oh, what a catch. Uh-huh. Can I have that? Thanks. Yeah, here you go. Keep doing it. Let's feel your shitty rap. I had sex on this one time and...

Man, it was crazy. Someone's down again. It's like, what's up? Do you want to have crazy. Someone's down again. It's like, you would have said, someone landed his helicopter. I'm good. I just don't know what I'm doing with my life. I have, what the fuck?

I didn't know where I was. That is what plants like come down. I just don't know anymore. It's just, what are any of us doing? I just wish someone would reach out and help. Have you really like had guys, you know, ejaculate in you and you. No, no, no, no.

So you don't let that happen. No, I work. Even when you're on the pill, you work with a boyfriend. Oh, okay. Condoms. So you always do condoms. Condoms.

Always. I'm allergic to the pill. Really? That's actually true. Wow. Yeah. What about a shot that do the shot where the thing that goes in you?

That looks like a metal anchor. None of it. So you just just just a Trojan every time. I've got a shot that do the shot where the thing that goes in you. You're not a bit. Why are you? Metal anchor. So you just just just a Trojan every time. Yeah. Wow. Well, Trojo's work, then. Brands specific. Do you put it on him?

Make sure you're putting it on him. No. Don't trust these tools. He puts it on. I go like this. Good. Oh, you know, like I see that. No kidding.

Oh, put it on a condom is just fucking humiliating. It really is. It's just like hang on one sec. Is it on? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Just to fill in on a little bit. Then I put water in it so she thinks I came, because I never do. I have a two and a half inch reservoir tip. I actually opened my condoms, cut them, and then put them back in. We glue them with a glue gun. Cut the sleeves like Joey Lawrence. Joey Lawrence.

Memo how hot he was. He's still hot. He's bald. He's bald but hot. He gave the set. He still is. Also real manicured. The rest of his hair is just in He has a lot of it. It's good hair. No, he's got a you said bald Look that good crazy. That's a man's man, baby. Wait a minute. I mean he looks crazy

Botox stuff, but he got fake hair. Did he get fake hair? Those are plugs. Yeah. He got plugs. For sure. It looks like that guy, like that magnetic thing that you take the pen and kind of ask. Oh yeah, that's so funny. He shouldn't have did a wig.

See the wig, you do the wig. Yeah, but he's got that fucking thing. Oh, go to the shirt. Look at his body, chippin' nails. Yeah, so that's crazy. Is he a chippin' nail? I mean, yeah, he did a residency. A residency at the Rio,

comedyseller.com residency. I mean, that's crazy. That is a real out diet right there. He has no water in his body. Yeah, except for jizz. Yeah. That's probably what he rubbed all over his body. So it would tighten up.

Wow, but his hair grew back though. It looks good there. That's old. Click, oh, is it old? Yeah. Yeah, he fucked up. That looks good Yeah, it's too framed in I would just spray. I think that's makeup his eyebrows are so So sharp. Yeah, I hate that. I don't like it. He's got a big J eyebrows You think you know blossom still talk

No, I would really no there's a comedian that dates the older brother from blossom. They broke up. What's his name? They broke up guys, you can't have a cryptic conversation. I don't like what is this thing? Where they get a Google shit? Well, now that they broke up, I'm not gonna say, who is it? Me. I'll say looks like a Gabby a little bit. Really? That's all I'll give you.

She is blonde. She's blonde hair. She's skinny, that's really bad. I don't know if I'm not this, I don't know. Anyway, my mom is Zunjale again. Why? She's a frantic J walker. Why is your mom in jail?

Why is my mom in jail? Yeah. No, my mom is a big mobster. No, why is your mom in jail? She runs the Coralusal crime family? She's a mom. Not even a name Italian name. It is my last name for real. Is it really? Fake name again. You gave us I gave you it's my name stone. You not know my name Brexstone is my mom's name. So that is actually a lot of

Have you told Bobby Gary stove? Oh, this is one of my favorite what oh This like the last time I ever performed a little comedy club one of the worst places on earth. Yes Not San Antonio, LOL New York. I know it is. Yeah, it's terrible. Right. Yeah, it's the worst. Yeah, shows two hours late Fuck it two hours two hours late. I'm gonna be two hours late. I'm a black comics. We're on it Two hours late. How many be two hours late? I'm gonna be black comics, Ron. Two. Nicely done. That's two good ones, Mike.

The owl is back. Oh my god, that is a good merch. By the way, is you with an owl body? I know, dude. Why can't we get on that Chris and Becky? Do you? Why are you calling out? Look at his fucking eyes. What if his head just turned all the way around? Cause I'm pissed.

Heeeey! Why don't we come and have a look at him? Throw him entire mouse skeleton. Three, baby. He's on fire. Get him the ball. Get him the ball. I'm in fire.

I'm in my ex-on fire. I'm in fire. Hello, Elk County Club. 1987, I'm my prime. Where's the one guy in the crowd wearing sunglasses, black leather jacket, sitting in the back, arms crossed, comedian just the fucking host goes up. Wait, wait, literally one guy in there.

Literally one guy. That guy. Literally one guy. Host springs me up, he goes, this next comedian, whatever, Gary Stove. No. Host brings me up. He goes this next comedian whatever Gary stove My credits where this next comedian whatever Gary stove he brings me up I go to try to talk to the guy. I'm like so blah blah blah the guy goes like it the fuck out He like whatever like just fucking ISIS me. I lean back against the curtain wall

me. I lean back against the curtain wall. Let me remove one word from that sentence because there was no wall just a curtain. I little key pot right through the fucking right off the stage onto the ground. I pop my head up like a fucking gofer. Jump back on stage. The guy goes now that's funny. And I went, fuck this, I left. The host was like, who's on stage? I went, whatever. I fucking walk out the door in front of LOL. There's a man with a broken bottle holding it to his own neck and five cops going, hey man, just put it down and I'm standing next to this guy and I'm like, I'm with this guy. You know what I mean? I mean, like, I'm with the bottle. And that was the last time I ever performed in that fucking shit club. Ah!

Ah! Where are you gonna be this weekend? Ah, hello, welcome. Six shows. Don't give me a check on Thursday. One paper. Yeah, one paper. Ah!

Ah! Ah! Alright, man, well this has been a fucking good show. My God! I love both of you guys. You're so funny every time you're on the show. Vans love you. I love you. I love both of you guys. You're so funny every time you're on the show vans love you I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Oh, congratulations on your Oh, thanks man. I want to show you a part of the trailer we got. Oh, yeah, you know

You know, the baby I think you guys like him on the baby and I was like you had a trailer for your baby Yeah, where his father disappointed him. I was so mad like I literally was so mad I couldn't be there when he was so excited to watch you when yes, I wanted to be in the birthday No for your special. I wanted to be there this guy This is Greg Stone who always comes up and only God knows who this guy is. Yeah, oh, you got to go back No one cares about website. I care about that other guy that comes up this guy. I don't know. He's the better Greg Stone Why is he a CEO take it? I don't know he's the better Greg Stone. Why is he a male profancio taker?

You can do it. You can do it. Uh. And also, can you go back one more time? You from Sunset Six. I got to meet this guy. What is Sunset Six? That's all it says on the...

That's his band. I think I have that shirt. You're still it from six drugs and rock and roll, three. Yeah, I think you're right. I think you from the word group. You know I didn't get a cool shirt. Look at the picture. Look, this is the one in the middle.

That's the one that use of me, which is Greg Stone, James Mattern. Yeah, that's the one everyone always uses. I hate it. I don't know why you look good. Really? I always feel like I'm just like, hi, how are you?

I'm such a little girl. Yeah, how about a little girl who wants to be fed? I do look like you're working a tea place. Yeah. Yeah. Hello. Do people intentionally use the worst head T place. Yeah. Yeah. Hello. Do people intentionally use the worst head shot available?

Yes, they do. Can I say something? I actually cursed out fucking size, but it's who I love. They would use a photo from fucking 30 years ago. And I'd be like, I don't, I remember once I was under a photo, one of those stupid clubs did that to me.

And I was standing in front of it. And these girls go, wow, he's hot. Oh, we should go see him. Who is that? I don't know, it looks good though. I'm standing there. I go, it's me, they went, oh, and they left. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Can I tell you? I'm sorry. Listen, you can. I'm doing one of the worst clubs on earth. I don't want to say it because they did pay me. So I'll take it. No one shows up for the Saturday show.

No one. There's two people are there. My cousin and her boyfriend, right? Where was it? Close. I'll just say it's close. Was it up or down? Up.

Yonkers. Moving on. Okay. Two people show up. Right. Uh, the guy goes, it's just my cousin and her boyfriend. I'm like, I'm the fucking performer for my cousin, my boyfriend. Two people are outside.

Two people are standing outside. The guy goes, Hey, go out there. He says to one of the people, the door guy goes, go out there. If you can get those two people in here, we'll do the show. Uh, I went no fucking way. No fucking way. I'm not doing a show for four people to wear my cousin. I tell my cousin, I go, go out there and just say some shit about me, say I'm not funny, say like the headliner sucks. So they leave. She goes out, the people go, uh, and they leave. She comes back, I go, okay, I did it. And I was like, what did you say? And she goes, I just

said, I can't believe they're letting this guy perform after what he did to all those women. They left and I went, Jesus Christ. And I was like, fuck it. I'll take it. They cancel the show. I got my full check. We moved on. But there's now two people in, I don't know where, Yonker somewhere. I think I have done some terrible shit. They think Gary Stone has a straight up sexual assault. Sorry. Where are you?

Where are you gonna be, buddy? This week I'm at the seller, so I'll just be here. At the seller, where can people get, what is it, comedy? What's your website? GregFstone.com. GregFstone.com. On my Instagram, be an Instagram fan. Greg Stone underscore, that's what I would like, because I'm gonna- people get what is it comedy what's your website Greg F stone com Greg F stone com Instagram be an Instagram fan Greg stone underscore that's what I would like

We're gonna put you on our Instagram and I'm gonna put you on my Instagram. Thank you great for I love having you I love being You make you so happy. What's F stand for fucking a baby Frances which I hate why do you have all the weird names? Why F? Why did you have to add it? Just go with Greg Stone. Because there's some Irishman named Greg Stone. Like there's that other Greg Stone.

He's got all the things. Greg F Stone was the one that wasn't taken. Oh, okay. She's like, weezy F babies. Yeah, so it's like Greg F Stone just for, just for, what else you got going on? Anything? Also scream your album.

Oh, you can stream my album and. Where? I know whatever. Buy it. Apple. Thank you Michael. Thanks for how bad or And if you like me out of control check out the red dude cast love to have both Yeah, we don't ever do guests, but I'd have you guys on I thought why would you do we feel weird if I was you never have a guest Then I'm there. No, we have fun wait What's a lot of you know one and you guys can play what were you on? Didn't we do like a crossover episode or something like no? I'm there. No, we have fun. Wait, what's a lot of you? I'm not one and you guys can play. What were you on?

Didn't we do like a crossover episode or something like that? No, I think you're we did in my room. We did that. I think it was Sagaloo's podcast. Oh, yeah, that we sure over what are we going to do with Sagaloo? Uh, he'll be great. That's got a new podcast. What is garbage days? Yeah, but what are we going to do with him? What's happening with him? I feel like he's I feel like you and Fini and everybody. You guys are all leaving him that poor chubby red head up behind. Brendan's going to be more successful than all of us. I have a feeling at some point his

charm is going to reach mass level and charm. Yeah. He's very charming and unlikable. It pains me to say this, but I genuinely think he's. I hope so. We're going to, we can't forget this little mush. No, he's going to be great. So I was going to hit it and when I hit it, I'm taking everybody with me. Yeah. And I'm gonna hit it. Dude, I got so many fucking scripts. I'm selling something and you're all coming with me. And I don't give a fuck.

Say it now, write it down. My TV show at the hospital, you're all gonna be on it. I guarantee it. It's every, all of us, none of her in it. No. It's all LA comics that are already successful. Please. Me, Rory's Gov, Paul F. Tom.

The part written for Bobby is going to be brought by Yamanika. Yeah. I will repay everyone if not in roles in cash putting myself on a give you a hundred-dollar bill. Taken everybody with this one on two. Mike, do you guys really want to come up for dinner? Yeah, I would love to. All right. And that's real. I hope you're not just saying that for the podcast.

No, I don't say that. I would have you guys up. Yeah, I have come up for dinner. But you know, don't, yeah, I don't want to have to fucking bring everybody. I'm in. All right, cool. I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. That's great. Three and a half months. That's the best piece. Smiling, having a good time. We go for you to see a six year old, a three and a half, see the little stages of kids. Yeah, and I'm sure. Because I want to have a kid, but I got my wife to really get on board. So, you know, show how to do that.

You don't have to just come in there and leave it. Yeah, but you have sex to do that. You don't fuck. You don't bang? Oh, yeah, yeah, no, we do. You do a lot. Yeah. Yes.

I can't talk. I don't talk about her. I don't indict her on anything. So I'll never talk, I don't talk about her, I don't want to indict her on anything. So I'll never talk about that kind of stuff. Okay, sex. I mean my wife, we haven't bagged it a while. Yeah. Yeah, but we have a kid,

so you don't really bag that much. Well, I just bought a cock ring. Nice. The first time. Yeah, upgrading. He's good. I had, I bought her a dildo once and they came with a cock ring and I tried to put it on for 45 minutes.

I almost passed out and I thought it was just a piece of the wrapping. I was supposed to go on your deck. It's not like a little button, I just didn't fit. They got this conquering that attaches to a thing that goes to your butt. Yeah. I'm gonna get one of those. That's the one I got. Did you put it in your butt? Uh-huh. Are you lying to me because I really want to try it. But it's great. Listen to me. Look at me. You're lying. Yes.

Oh. Now I'm on a boat by myself. No, but what I got, look at me, you're lying. Yes. Oh. Now I'm on a boat by myself. No, but what I got, I almost talked about. If he was in the boat, I was in the boat. This is, yeah, I didn't get any wrap around in your asshole thing.

I would also probably try that. But what I did get was a, so the top is like a barbed wire thing fashioned for the woman's vagina. And then, yeah. And then on the bottom of the ring There's like a little tongue press that kind of goes against your sack and all of it kind of rumbles at the same time fun Fun so you have one that goes in your bum. I want to get one just to take a little bit. I feel like to be a good town How big? There's biggest we could fit. I don't know how to size it up. I don't know the sizing mechanism Yeah, you gotta go in. It's like when going to get shoes, you put your feet in those things.

They have a dildo, like a wedding ring thing. He keeps going up. Some Indian guy at the shop is like, okay, Ben D'Ovoire, I have to test you for your side. I was like stretching your ears for gauges. Yeah. He's a 62-inch gauge. I can size any men from 100 yards away.

Mike, what do you got, buddy? Besides, you shot your new special. Yeah, yeah, which, not sure when that's coming out yet, but, you know, I'm sure I'll let you know. But, yeah, when is this live now? It's live now. Sunday comes out, we're releasing Patreon people Patreon.com. That's Robert Kelly. Thanks for being members.

Thursday night comes out audio and video. Well, if you are a long island person, I'm going to be in Belmore at the brokerage all weekend, three shows. Love that. Yeah, please come out. They upped my money very little and then threatened if I don't sell tickets that's going right back down. So please come out. We have guys long island, man. Go out there and see Mike is fucking hilarious and that club is awesome. Yeah, it's really great. I love that room. And then December 20th, I'm going to be in a Rochester, New York comedy at the Carlson, which I've heard

is a great room. Great. I knew Mark from when I started, I didn't even start comedy out there, but I did a handful of open mics when I was in college. And so it's nice to kind of come back to the disaster. I'm sorry. Fucking my producer, Zach. I just looked over and he fucking looked on the floor, Yon, rubbed his head like he, I've never seen somebody more bored than him. And it literally, I just made him go, and I Yon, that's how. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm really,

why are you listening? Sorry. What's going on, Zach? What's up with your bangs? I haven't cut them in a while. Uh, it's tiny bangs. You really, what happened with your bangs? I haven't cut them in a while. Yes, honey bangs. You really would have your bangs are coming straight down.

And also even. Yeah, very men and night right now. Fuck it. You look like you just fluffed up. What's going on? Zach Hezekiah. Zach Hezekiah. Zach Hezekiah.

Zach Hezekiah. And then I'm somewhere upstate for New Year's Eve too. That'll be, but my Canon Comedy dot com. New Year's Eve, I just booked Philly punchline for New Year's. Nice. That'll be fun. That'll be good. Yeah. Where am I, dude?

Well, of course, Crucia Kids.com. There's my podcast. Sorry. Oh, what's your podcast? Irish Goodbye podcast with Michael T. Fini. Yes, Michael T. Why is he doing T? I don't know.

I think it's Teresa. It titties. Crucia Kids's Teresa. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha in that again. So make sure you get your tickets in the next week. We're in the fucking Inglewood and Chicago and I mean, the tour is amazing. We're having a blast. It's the funniest tour you'll see all year. Reviews have been wildly positive online. Yeah. I've been searching for negative ones. I can't. No, you can't fuck with the tour. Kovas host. He goes out and just fucking murders, trashes everybody. Florentine comes out, kills, and then Bennington, I mean, he's just a godfather of the show. He comes out and fucking crushes.

And then I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out

out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out and I go out at the end, which is just every night's different. We sit out there, we do Q&A from the, you can go to cruishracus.com and ask any question. We ask them at the shows and you can y'all shit out and ask us questions and it's so fun. It's great. You recorded any of those. You should put those on a Patreon. We're going to see. We did. Maybe we did. Maybe we did. Of course. Maybe we didn't. The newest tour, guys. Yeah. It's going to be more gassing. No. But yeah, more cities are being added to the tour.

So if you don't see it, just keep checking. If you want them to be somewhere, let them know. So funny, because I know the tours are fucking hit, because I keep getting put to it. I can, I get a kid. Oh yeah, I was just about to say that. People, people, everyone in injection of a young blood with old hair. I would love, I would love for it to be bigger and have more people on it. Yeah.

It's so much fun. I would love, you know, but right now it is... I can go as Canon's death. That's all, that's the closest I could do. I can. Yeah, I'm gonna get that. So make sure you go there and where else am I gonna be? In December, 5th through 7th, you're gonna be at Comedy on Staten and Madison with Conson.

Oh, my favorite. Hot room. Hot room. Oh God. Yes, where else? After the new year, you're gonna be at Comedy on Strait and Madison with Conson. Oh my favorite. Hot room. Hot room. Oh God. Yes, where else? After the new year, you're gonna be at the Comedy Connection in Rhode Island, another great club, January 9th through the 11th.

Yeah. And Comedy works in Saratoga Springs, and 23rd through the 25th. Yeah, that's good. So go to all that shit right there. Patreon members, thanks so much. We get stuff going up tonight, right? Yep. And what else, anything else?

Well, that's it for that. Just make sure you go to our website. Why can it be you, dude? Also follow Bobbi on Instagram at Robert Kelly Live, follow the podcast at... YKW, dude? On Instagram? It used to be something else, right? No. Yeah, it was. It was an old, old one before we came. Yeah, we, I fucking, I tried to log in from the wrong, and they wouldn't let me, I tried

the password too many times, and I, I froze it. And because you can't get in touch with anybody at Facebook, there's no people. Yeah. Because they don't want to deal with you. You can't get like a liaison. Okay. And I fucking, they froze the account. We couldn't get back in.

So we had to start a new one. I lost all those people. I hate a man. That's fine. What? They froze the account. We couldn't get back in so we had started new one. I lost all those people What? America classic American capitalist bullshitt. No, I got a good. You guys are great. Go to the page. We got our page, man. What's your call again? YKWDU.com. All right, Gabby. What do you got besides fucking thin hair? That's true It's true here. Hey here. Here, hey, here. Follow me on Instagram at Gabby is Brian.

I have a monthly show first Wednesday of every month in Brooklyn at the way station. And then I have a new show called our time of the week at the stand. And the first one is December 3rd at 7 p.m. So come to that. So the page from Remember to be happy dog or our merch page on my website. Oh, ever it is on the white can tell you look like you're high

jeans. Oh, you're in your fucking hair. You look like you're like like my bodyguards. Yeah, you look like you like run foster home for pit bulls. And those here, fucking you're fucking parolees. This week on sweeter than they look Mike what do you got? Oh, I'll remember to be happy for all the merch the new

I so I messaged you this in classic B Kelly fan the fashion you did not answer I want to get the creeps with kids tour shirt The only way to I want to buy it the I want to get the creeps with kids' tour shirt. The only way to, I want to buy it. The only place to get the tour shirt is on the tour. We're not putting it up anywhere because it, we only got a certain amount done and we're friend. You knew somebody Mike.

But we are coming to the Grammacy. So by going to that, we just announced the Grammacy. Okay. We have going to say that. We just announced the Grammacy. We have one show, eight o'clock. I forget what it is. The March and Tampa. We just announced Tampa. We're adding more shows to this beautiful tour. So when we come to New York,

if you come down to the show, we can get your shirt. And if you're going to go to Scammers, you can get those tickets now because that thing does sell out quickly. Yeah, it's going to sell out. Cool. Follow me at Mike B. Swores.

I'll be with Chris's definitely know at Gotham at the end of the month. And I'll be left out loud in Antonio. Pain saying, oh, yeah. Who did that? That the same one as pain. But who did it? Bain said it. Oh, I did it.

How did you do it? Gotham. Oh, I didn't see it. I was your power. In the darkness. Oh, you guys want to do another hours Bane? Let's do another hours Bane. Yeah.

The exact same podcast that Bane's. I was wondering what would break first. The spirit or your body. That's fun. Hey, let's put put on the hats. You just now worked on Sean Cumbery. Yeah, you just need to get it. Money penny.

I knew it was you, you piece of shit. Oh, Mac. From the rock. Why would you kill a man, Bimpo? I don't know, I didn't know. I got to kill myself. And last I'll be with Paul Versey. You fucking referenced the movie, the rock, and Nick Cage. Yeah, damn right.

When he went like this and he went, what does this mean? Yeah. Yeah, okay, go ahead, buddy. Sorry. The other laugh out loud, what they wall behind the curtain, San Antonio with Paul Versey, December 63, the Texas. Oh, for.

Oh, the good one. Yes. I was like, why the fuck is Paul gonna be an LLL? No, no, no, no, no, I got a Johnny of Texas. Yeah, very different. The good one is fucking. It's part of the Houston Improvs now, so. Is it really?

Yeah, no longer owned by the La Quinta peeps right? Yeah, exactly. Oh, La Quinta owned it. Oh, I used to go to the improv in the river center and eat a plate full of humble shit. Yeah. Far shots who were a real estate millionaire. If you just liked comedy, let me tell you something. The clips from this week's show are going to be fucking epic. Yes. And if they're not, I'm fucking biting your finger off.

I got. Um, your finger off my foot. I got it. Um, Gerber was my favorite. Please go to, huh, go to remember, what is it again? Remember to be happy. Remember to be happy and everything is on sale for Christmas right now.

20% off. You know, I mean, I'm telling the hoodies that we have. The hoodies that we have. The hoodies that we have. Hoodies that we have up there. We can't get through this. I don't want to. The hoodies that we have.odies that we hoodies that we have up there. We can't get through this. I don't want to hoodies that we have hoodies are Emotion, they'll keep you warm and a dungeon keep you warm like your prison cut

Right now 2399 for the booted dudes Gaby looks like she has a dick and that picture that's fine Just a whipped up dick. I did not expect that. I mean, I showed up. Look at the size of her fucking hips from her, from her vage to a belly button is so far away. How long torso baby?

Oh, so please 20, there's 20% off right over Christmas. So get yourself these hoodies are awesome. I fucking love them. They're thick. Forever you have these hoodies. They're great. Yeah, some of these hoodies you get off these sites suck. For long torso women, do they have long vagina creases?

Yes. No, no. Oh, no. I don't want to talk about her vagina. I was, I didn't mean you specifically, but it just kind of got in my head where I'm like, oh man, that would be weird to see like a seven inch clam crease What that's a freak that's a pony island crease, you know how it is to come up with a new name

I mean that is guy me come on Fucking clam crease I'm fucking clam crease. I've ever heard that. I've ever heard that. That was under pressure. I said, I panicked. They got you the ball, but it went in. You fucking hooked shot at it.

Right in the clam crease. All right, Zach, what do you got, baby? Zach, the new guy. You guys are the best fans of the world. You know what, dude? Next week. Oh my God. you