Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Bear With Garbage Bags

Episode Date: April 6, 2020

We're back from the quarantine with Dan Soder and Joe list joining Mike Calta and Bobby Kelly for another NYC Shutdown edition of YKWD! We look at our post COVID plans in a possible apocalypse, empty wrestling events, and what we have to look forward to! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta de dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.

Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la edición especial de Madrid nos lia. Un número de maú, a Madrid. You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network riotcast.com Yeah baby we're starting the podcast right now. We're back you know what to live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKW I started the social media podcast. The fact that YKW did podcasts.

YKW did back again. Old school back in the day. We're all starting before them all. YKW did. This podcast is so fun and crazy. And there's no rules. Shut up! You're ruining this! Break the bar, damn it! I'm sorry. It's a comedy podcast. This is an fun and crazy. And there's no rules. Shut up, you all winning this. Break the ball, damn it, man.

I'm so sorry. It's a comedy podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. It's original.

It's original. It's original. It's original. It's original. It's original. It's original. YKW, dude, is in the house. Why are we here? Dude Why I gotta go to fucking we got Joe sip and T again.

And let me tell you there's nothing a pet peeve of mine is teased sippers. What? Why? I don't know the specific pet peeve. And I just went to go and we got we got Dan soda, AK dangerous Dan. I'm kidding. That's dangerous. Joe. We got corporate Dan in the house. I'm enjoying the curing coffee curing coffee perfect for the quarantine and shit for the environment. Bob, you forgot my new name. Yes. I got you new name. We got. What is it in keeper Joe? the way your angle looks right now. It's Minnie Mouth.

Hey, K Minnie Mouth, Joey list. I still want to mostly be the truth. Yeah, you're the K the truth. But Minnie Mouth, I love. Minnie Mouth is great. The guy, the Minnie Mouth, the guy who can't eat, the guy who eats pasta perfectly, the guy who can't whistle. No, the guy who can whistle, I'm sorry. We got of course Mike Calta, Mike Calta. I don't know how he's doing it.

Is he looking smaller every day? I don't know what he's doing. If he's buckling his shoulders, he's unhinging his fucking neck. Yeah. Yeah, dude. He could fold his body like a mouse to get me to wall. I think that's a 200 inch plasma next to him. And everything is perspective. I think that guitar is just massive.

So he looks smaller. We got a Gabby almost in shape. What the fuck? I've seen your work of videos. I have a six pack. Gabby almost in shape. What the fuck? I've seen your work of videos. I have a six pack. You kind of have a six pack, but you have a little wobbly near your vagina. So what do you talk to me about that? What do you think?

Well, let's see it real quick. When you do your jumping jacks, there's a little wobble near your posts. I'm pressing charges. I'm just saying, damn, Bobby, you're so caddy in this corona times. How scary you probably have a wobble. You have a funny words. Listen, honey. Listen, honey, he's trying to get a point across.

You're a soggy bitch. Get out of our face. Next contestant. Welcome to Bobby does fashion. I'm just saying when you jump up a little bit, you might want to change the angle because there's a little wobble in the yavage. Probably jealous. No, I'm not jealous.

You'll listen. You're better shaped to me, yes. But there's a little wobble. You know, when you get those skin type yoga pants on, there's a little, right? Okay, go ahead. I'll pay extra for a little wobble in your vagina. It's on her Instagram right now. Her.

And then we got mushy Mike, of course, producing. Is that a cactus next to you or a fan? That was a fan. Okay. Mike doesn't have a fan. Still works. I love it. Even though it's a delivery action from E.J.L.

I still love it. What about what we a delivery action from me, Joe. I still love it. What about what we call Gabby's thing of a jiggle of a jiggle. Yes. Vigigal with it also looks like with Joe holding his phone close to his up of T. It'll just look like the phone was on fire. Like he was Deciding into burning room because there's a steam coming up when you had the mug hidden. What are you guys all using computers? You guys have computers and microphones? What the fuck? It's called the professional, Joseph. We're professional broadcasters.

All right. Well, oh, oh, yeah, I got one Corona grabbing windscreen on it. Yeah, but it's not even like did. No, not. But it's not even plugged in. No.

Goddammit Joe. But you know they make a plug that goes into the iPhone so you can plug that in and you have perfect sound. A plug like this. It's an XLR to a lightning bolt that goes into your phone. And you. You know, Bobby, you're looking slender, buddy. Hey, man, you know, I'm rocking it. I'm keeping it tight, but I'm starting to break guys. No, no break. Do not do it. Do it. Drink.

Shut up. Emperor Palpatine. Did you call it an emperor? Yeah, he's being the emperor right now. Uh-uh. Drink, smoke hot, do heroin, eat chocolate. I hate it. Dude, that's a fucking, that's a Tampa push if I've ever heard one. Right. Uh-huh.

She'd on your wife with somebody else's wife. Oh, man, we can all wear white denim together. Yeah, well, we're affliction jeans and a fake Rolex. I love a tight bedazzle t-shirt watching it got plumb of my wife. I love, I love my wife pulling her tits out. She got done four times. The left ones bigger than the right one and one nipple fell off. We had to get a young girl to donate her nipple to my wife.

A midwife, a tit midwife. Yeah. I think Joe is just judging all of us. Yes, he's trying to come up with some Tampa shit. All I had was Tom Brady and fucking Bobby Jule. My wife, the opposite end of the spectrum. Yeah, I'm going to end as joke, but I don't know if anyone was that inside. Dude, my wife has the flat ass.

She looks like a Mexican bus boy from the hand. Yeah. Welcome to Tampa. It's round about water. Huh. Bobby just swung and missed and nobody laughed and it hurts more in a zoom. No, man. There's no people looking at you.

Bobby, there's no bomb. Dana in the Corona times because our timing is completely fucked on everything. What if we do the ball bomb the the bomb ball sack? What does that mean? All right, show it. Show it. Come on. I want to we can't show you stuff. Yeah, you can. Dude, every time your dad will show my ball bag. All right, there's a bomb ball bag. But Gabby's in the room. You're going to like the bomb bag. Gabby will take out this whole fucking podcast. She's from Brooklyn. She's a hipster. She hangs out with a lot of gay guys. She'll take us out. She's monetized. If you monetize, do we get

paid? Because I still wait no more sex from the 2011. You know what, dude? Yeah. Well, listen, you got paid in full with all the fucking advances I gave you on your credibility. All right. Back in the day, you guys, you, you, you, you what they called no names. And then Bob Kelly, Bob Kelly put you on his podcast and fucking also, he gave you to a barbecue rights. When all my friends told me to go, you. Who's that? What's that? I'm just plugging my show dude. I'm trying to get monetized. He should you monetize you clock suckers the only ones making money

Well like the bomb fire. All right, you know what Joe? I fucking had you back for a little bit, but that's inappropriate Yeah, well you always have his back and that's it. Bobby you look slender. You don't need my help anymore. I'm gone. Suarez. I'm helping you sleep. So you stop saying logs at night and keep it everyone in a fucking five mile radius awake. I've never seen Kalta. We went camp in comedy camp this summer. I've never seen Dan Soda. I've never seen a mad at anybody. I mean, the for God's sake, his name is corporate Dan. He does not get mad at fucking people. I've always seen a mad at anybody. I mean, the for God's sake, his name is corporate Dan. He does not get mad at fucking people. I've always seen him work it out or try to deal with.

Anytime I get mad, he's like, do you settle down? Always trying to bring the this kid, when he, I sent Mike in, we rented a cabin for Big J. his girl and for, and Dan, because they're not campers. I know even though they have the blonde fire and crackle crackle and the fans of campers, it's all fucking facade. It's nothing. It means nothing to us. Camping means nothing to us. I literally said you should come to comedy camp and do a live live bonfire and in next to a bonfire. They would, which we did, which was very fun. Yeah, but you guys did you guys were like Oh, yeah, like it didn't even fucking it you I mean, I guess we're not nature nerds like you

So anyways, we get him the thing I put mush Mike because Mike doesn't have a tent. I put mush in the cabin with with Dan a I think he was above you, right? Yeah, dude. He was up in the he was up in the cabin with Dan. I think he was above you, right? Yeah, he was up in the loft sleeping and I was below on the couch. And I got the couch and I was like, game over. I could sleep on a couch perfectly. And then I fell asleep for like 45 minutes and then I said, you know, it's like, that'll stop eventually. I've dealt with some snores. And for a solid seven hours, it was the loudest thing to the point that I made peace with it.

I did so many cycles of like making peace with it. And I'm like, oh, man. Guys, live like this every night. You're all right. You can get through tonight to being like, I felt a little sleep to being like, shut the fuck up. Not the fuck up. And then back around like, you know what, man to being like, I feel a little sleep to being like, shut the fuck up. Not the fuck up.

And then back around like, you know what, man, it's not his fault. I did that whole cycle three times. Bobby, do you still have the picture on your phone from when I woke up? I look 90 years old. My face is puffy and cracked. And I'm just like, I was just out having a coffee by the fire. And everyone's like, all right, it's all right. Good fucking sleep.

It's hard to lug a sleep apnea machine on a camping trip. Dude, yeah, that's when I realized, well, Mike and I talk, because I genuinely did feel like, dude, that's fucking crazy. People at Snorr, I didn't know, Sal Volcano told me that he had sleep apnea and when he finally got the machine, he was like, oh, I could finally sleep.

Like this is insane. Well, can I tell you what's fucked up is that I have the machine. I took the sleep test years and years ago and they were like, no, you're just fat in your snore. Then I got, then we've got worse. My brother's in the medical field, but he's not a doctor.

He schedules, he runs surgery centers. So he had the machine and he gave it to me and I started using it on my own without a doctor's prescription and it was helping me sleep better. But I didn't adjust, I adjusted the air to high and it inflated my lungs too much. And my lungs send the message to my brain to shut down, so I woke up in the middle and I just thrown a blood

and I was like, fuck. Probably a good idea. I thought, what do I doctor if I'm gonna do that? That's so funny you take them and ask all of you. I ran to them, I was coughing and I blood, it was pink and I was like, I'm dying, I'm dying. And then them ask all of you. I ran to them. I was coughing and I was, it was pink and I was like, I'm dying. I'm dying. And then we looked it up and it said There's too much air on float your lungs and your brain automatically shut them down. I couldn't take a deep breath. I had thrown it before crying. I was cool

Dude, it was let me be just me know you're mute my near jet Fuck I had a line. I've been spewing for five minutes. I was wonder why I didn't hit God damn it. It was good Come on you got it He woke up and he looked 90 years old and I said your rip Dan Stinkle You know what I'm kind of glad that those on mute. I didn't hear it. There's Rick Van Wingson. Yeah, no, I got no. I got no. I understood it.

And I'm choosing not to acknowledge it. You know what? See that bomb back? Listen, listen. Listen. Dude, that tearing sound is not someone getting rid of files. That's Mike's where I was trying to breathe at night. I thought that was the recording of your last set. This is Mike's where I was.

This is all night. Wow. The wonder Ellen hates you. dude. It was fucking insane He comes out but then something happened where you will like fuck you you have to step for two hours now I yelled at Mike. I went I've been awake for the last four hours now you stay awake the next four hours I'm a fucking thing to sleep and then he was like yeah, yeah, too And by the way Mike was so fucking sweet about the whole thing. He's just like, I'm sorry, man.

I'm sorry about that. I'll stay awake, you're right. And then I went to sleep, and then an hour later, to do sure. I'm like, come on, you fell asleep? I was like, I fell. I was sitting up, and I still fell asleep. I know, he's sitting up, and he's like,

I'm a huge snorrike. Oh, my nearly fell asleep again.. I was so afraid to fall asleep. Or in the car. I had my, my, I told you I have two things. That thing from Canada that you got that didn't work. It works on me. But the only, I had, I can't use it. Only emergencies because it loosens the bottom row of my teeth. Because it's not, it only does these right here. It doesn't do the whole row. It does the whole top and just five of the bottom, six of the bottom.

So my, I move and it, my teeth were getting loose. So I had to get, I had to get this other one for my dentist that does the whole thing and it dampens my snore. Dammit. Cause I know like this. I woke up on a plane doing this. Yeah.

You have old time sleepy sheriffs. I have three studious snore. And I want you to literally turn to me and the girl was staring at me like this to check next to me. I was going, uh, Lord knows how long it could have been an hour. It could have been five seconds. The one way you're lips are so puffy. He's been popping them out. He's been doing it with exercises. But if I put this mouthpiece in that my dentist got me, I do this. So that's adorable. You actually have like a mouse sleeping in a matchbox. No, you would sit next to me in a flat eternal round. I go,

give you a little kiss on my head. Oh, shiny head. Yeah. Oh, remember flights. Oh, it's pretty sweet. Here's's a thing guys, when you fly out, it's a 14 day quarantine wherever you go. So if I went to visit Mike in Florida right now, I have to stay there for 14 days. You should just drive down here now. I'm telling you before the shit is the fan. I mean, it's about to hit the fan and you have to hit the fan. Well, the chicken hit the fan in Florida too. You guys aren't even taking it serious down there.

You guys, you guys have been fucking kissing booths and fucking you guys have, you guys open more glory holes. Okay. I love it. You guys are serious. The sheriff went arrested a pastor for holding church on something. Yeah. Yeah.

I saw that. I read that article. That's fucking balls. He's with boy man. I love the Lord and I love y'all's money with skit together. Are you watching Tiger King? Oh, yeah, dude. I already went through Tiger King. In fact, I went through Tiger King so fast it wedded my appetite for the weird and wild

whites of West Virginia. Great operation. Yeah, go watch that documentary. You want to see some white trash. That's a, go watch that documentary. You want to see some white trash? That's a powder case. I saw that that was actually good with the with the tap dancing. Yeah, Jethro.

Just go white. Jessica. Yeah, the outlawed dancer. Is this you, Dennis? Is this you? But in your another Carol baskins is in your area. So my buddy Chad is a sheriff in Tampa and I had him on the other

this morning and he's reopening the case. He's going after, he's looking for, you know, he's got a bunch of leads already. And he, she, she, she's the only person that refused the polygraph test. Well, I said to him, I go, so I'm just going to assume you're watching it over the weekend and you were like, she fucking killed her husband. He's like, pretty much. That's's so weird. That's so weird that you're doing binge-worthy things and you're just in the position of power. I think I'm going to reopen this. He's the same sheriff that went arrested the pastor. That's nuts. This guy's getting a ton of work from coronavirus.

Dude, let me tell you about this sheriff. He is the greatest guy. He's literally a billionaire. He married into the Bartolow family that you shot off the debartalos for starting to own in the 49ers. That's right. What's that? What's that? So maybe he was just trying to be part of the fun. It was fun, but it's hard to do. He is the most resources of any law enforcement agent you'll ever see because he's a fucking billionaire and he puts in, you know, 20 hours a day like he legitimately wants the job.

So he's a good dude. And he's going to open the case on Carol Baskins. He's going to close the case on Carol Baskins. Hey, cool cats and kittens. Hey, Mike, can you bring up Rick Crumb, a photo of Rick Crom, the comedian and I mean, how much does he look like Carol Baston's new, new fucking husband? It's almost ridiculous. He's the king of Cucks and the husband is gay for sure.

Yeah, you definitely think he's tapped on some feet and some bathroom. I think so. Yes. You think he's gay? I bet that dude jerks off the cats, a bit he's into cats. Oh my God. Yeah. I thought that was actually the husband. Isn't that weird? That's like him. That's amazing. I mean, that's Rick Krohm. He's very funny and gay, but he looks exactly like K's husband now, right?

Is that really funny? Except he doesn't have access to fucking cool ass tigers. Yeah, he's funny. We're not gonna trash him, Kyle. What do you think we're gonna trash Rick Chrome? I don't know the fuck Rick Chrome is, but if you ask me to pick a draw guy who doesn't look funny, I would draw that guy.

I remember, I would draw that guy. I remember I remember Pete Kohl when I found out where Chrome was gay Pete Kroly comes out of the room with the stallion, he goes, Jesus Christ, the guy's so gay. I go, Rick's gay, he went, what? Yeah. And he points in there and he's on the piano going, you can sacrifice just sacrifice it. And then I was like, oh oh shit, yeah, I didn't put that together. Finally clicked after watching some show tunes on the piano. Some of the so tunes. So did you hear about this new back coin that's kind of, they released a national park coin this year, 2020, the US Mint.

It's a fucking bat. It's bad ass. Oh, wow. It's bad ass. It's the father of Corona. It's the father of Corona. I mean, the year, what a year to pick the dumb bat to put on one of our coins. Wait, what kind of coin is it? It's a, it's a coin, a US minted coin this year for national parks, American Samoa, whatever. E-Purlapurbizum, it's a fucking dollar, I think. But there you go. It's going on.

I could just watch you going over stuff that's on money. Yeah. I mean, I'm supposed to be reading the new members. There it is right there. Look at that. Oh, wow. It's a dollar. It looks like a bear. What? Yeah, it looks like a bear. Yeah, it looks like a bear holding up garbage bags. Hey, look, let I took out the trash. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. It's weird when you do this on the Zoom, because people cut out.

So like, volume comes out. I'm like, when you get stop laughing and then start laughing again. I don't know. Yeah. Look at the trash. Yeah. I didn't think I've never heard of my life. That is the fucking greatest, quickest analogy I've ever had. I mean, Joseph looked like a bear.

He just upped it to me. Bobby was ready to shit me. Shit on me for the bear thing. I got you back to it. So I was like, huh? It was like done. Yeah, fuck was about to dunk on me and then you fucking stripped it out of his hand. Because it look when you hold the trash if I done that to my wife.

I'm taking the trash. That's how I hear the trash out. Get it above your shoulders. Oh, you motherfucker. Goddamn funniest cock suckers shoulders. Oh, you motherfucker. God damn funniest cock suckers alive. You've three people. You go in not Gabby, but Gabby, you're funny too. Gabby, you're great. You got some nice pus jiggle. But coca, are you going into the studio? Are you allowed in the studio? Yeah, every day. Is it just, is it the you and the crew?

Or is it just you? It's me. It's the whole on air staff, but the rest of the sales department and all that. It's so bad that they shut their keys off. They can't even get in the building. But they got it, but being able to get in the building has got to be a nice slice of normal. Yes. Yeah, I mean, I get to leave every day for a little while and my poor, my wife and kids have in left the house in two weeks, two and a half weeks. I mean, occasionally I'll run I get to leave every day for a little while, and my poor, my wife and kids have and left the house in two weeks, two and a half weeks. I mean, occasionally I'll run my son to grab some lunch and like a drive-through or something like that just so he gets out of the house,

but it's been shitty for them. But I love it. I love staying home. I'm living my normal life and just feel less guilty about it. Like I go swimming in the kids on the pool every day. We play PlayStation, we fuck around. You have, like, but can I just say something? You live in a vacation home. Like you could stay staycation in your house. I mean, your house is massive. You

can, there's so many places you can disappear to and not see anybody or hear anybody. And you have a built in pool that's fence then with a jacuzzi and a gr... I mean, you have this amazing home. It's like a vacation home. Yeah, if I was in my old apartment in New York, I'd be miserable. I'd get it. Yeah. But then I get to go in every day so that breaks it up and it hasn't been bad. But I can ask is I'm starting to get I'm starting to get a little nervous now. Like now I want to stay home and do the show for all. Yeah, why?

It just seems like it's getting weird again. And the president said the next two weeks are going to be quote, painful. And I just feel I went shopping. I went shopping three different stores today just to make sure everybody had everything they need. I shopped for my in-laws, my mother. What's that?

Why painful? Because I think a lot of people are going to die. And I think we're going to die. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of it. It's going to get real bad. And then I mean, the fact that they have the Javits Center is now a hospital. The the US. I heard there's a couple celebrities still doing some autograph signings. At the Javits Center when they have it as a hospital. All right. You know what? Let me see that bomb bag.

Bomb bag. I didn't even get it. What? Yeah, it's bad. Car shows, you know, there's always celebrities at car shows. You know what? He just and he stepped on my, my, my, my whole thing. I wasn't even funny. Just it was a bummer. It was a bummer. Let's talk about how we show. Uh, dude, I need I need a I need a God damn true

G Joe You can't go I'm gonna need to shave those way you're home. Yeah, we are we on YouTube live on YouTube, right Michael? We're on Patreon not on YouTube. We're supposed to be on YouTube. It's YKWD. Right, but it's only for Patreon members. All right, whatever. You're the boss. So there you go. That's paid content. That hot balls go over the fucking airway. I don't want to see it. Hey, listen, so, but on a serious note, in Queens, where you guys are, that's the fucking

Epi Center right now. It's going to get real bad in Queens. It's gonna get, people are gonna start dropping. It's gonna get fucking bad, and people are gonna get sick. So it's not like you're gonna die, but you might get this thing and just be sick as a fucking dog for the next five days. It's bad, you know? You so, the next in April,

this next three weeks, you're gonna to be tough in New York City. It's going to peak and a lot of people are going to drop and this town is going to become a fuck. They're putting people in trucks now, you know. So it was making funny yesterday for wearing the mask at Home Depot. And now I think even even knowing that sure it's working, I think I'm going to wear a mask. Oh, you sure wear a mask. If you go outside, that's why I saw you fucking Gabby walking around getting coffee today with no mask on. Are you out of your mind? I don't have a mask. If you go outside, that's why I saw you fucking Gabby walking around getting coffee today with no mask on. Are you out of your mind?

I don't have a mask. Well, get one. Your father's a gazillionaire. Where do you get him, though, Bobby? Help people out. Where do you get mask? I don't have one. Amazon. Have them. You know what, dude? Dot slash merch. Yeah. Sign up for the Patreon. You get a free fucking mask for you and two of your family members. I have a mask that's just due to on that you can buy for $75 a mask. Just do that markup, Bobby. We have two days with hand sanitizer. They're, we're doing full bonfire biohazard suits. So if you get a serious subscription, you get a biohazard suit sent to you.

Dan, you're going to watch WrestleMania. Yeah, dude, both days. I'm going to be home for it. Shitty was finally it was coming here and we got fucked. You guys got fucked. I mean, you guys got fucked out of so much money with the way that it went down. Because it's not listen, obviously, it's not as big as the Super Bowl, but it brings a shit ton of money to whatever city it's at. Dude, it would have, it would have been pretty big here. The Super Bowl has been here a couple of times since I've lived here and it would have been, it would have had that crowd.

I mean, that's 100,000 people that'll come to the house. And you also get, you get people that are going to the NXT pay-per-view on Saturday, a WrestleMania on Sunday, and then they do fucking raw and- Hall of Fame. Yeah, dude, that's so many people out in your city by and- a WrestleMania on Sunday and then they do fucking raw and hall of fame. Yeah, dude, that's so many people out in your city behind me. And the thing is that the goal of the rest was that live here in Tampa. So it would have been huge.

Yeah, that's, I think it's going to be interesting to see how they pull it off, you know, in the performance center with nobody there. It's gonna be terrible. I was, was I telling you, was I talking to you about this mic? All these fucking games, baseball, hockey, WrestleMania, everything was meant to, for live, to go to it, not to watch it. I think hockey they can put on the ice right now. I think hockey would be fine with no crowd. Are you crazy? Yeah, because hockey people, the hockey, when you're on the ice, you should not pay attention to the crowd like you are for football and baseball.

I mean, you're, you're, I don't know, I think you're in a bowl, you know, I mean, I think you'd be fine. The whole thing was to see life. All these games were made to see life. Back when they invented these fucking games, people really weren't watching them on TV. Right. Now, the, now it's a big thing because TV's crazy and cable and internet and a hundred feet wide. But it's all sports was meant to see live for that town. There's no bullshit. I put a SPM on the other day and they were showing a competition of guys skipping stones off a boat and the wall. Yeah, they're're doing they're doing the Ocho. Yeah, the fucking random. It's what's crazy is AEW did wrestling without an audience really creative and fun where

they had like the wrestlers down by the ring, like the bad guys talking shit to everyone. It was fun. And then they were like, you guys can't even have people ringside. So the way of them being like, well, now you guys can't even make it fun. Now nobody and here's the thing with all these sports, if you play them with nobody there, you're going to hear them using the N word, call each other motherfucker. I mean, you can't, there's no way you can do basketball without an audience. I just squeaking a bunch of squeaking and switches. Yeah, squeaking and motherfuckers.

You can't. Oh shit. Oh shit, man. Miss that. I'm the one. I pay extra fan word basketball. Oh, dude, you get the full. I got the N word in a few times on ABC family like that. Yeah, a bunch of times because they have that. It was all mic'd up and shit.

I'm sure they could find it somewhere. Garnet has one of the great post game things I watch all the time when they're talking to me like, how do you like the crowd tonight? And he goes, the jungle was fucking rocking tonight. Love it. But you can hear him say the N word a few times. He would say it a lot.

But then you can never forget his Howard Dean moment after you guys won the finals. And he goes, anything is possible. Horrible. Isn't it fun to take moments to think about Howard Dean's whole candidacy was ruined? He was like, you know, I've been obsessed with it for like four months.

I watched the Howard Dean's speech. He's like, we're gonna have to answer. And then he just goes right back to being normal and it fucked his whole campaign. That was enough to ruin a campaign and Trump's like, I grabbed him by the pussy, who gives a fuck, you can just kiss him on the lips. Nothing, no problem.

Howard Dean was like, woo-bee! Yeah, that's all I had. Everyone was like, uh, what a gas scream. And he's like, no, I didn't mean it like that. They're like, we know what you'd be president. He's like, uh, what a gas scream. And he's like, no, I didn't mean it like that. They're like, we know what you'd be president. He's like, uh, that's so funny. He's like, I boarded my, uh, I fucked a hooker and gave her a, a abortion.

They're like, whatever. Come on in. How are Dean? What are you shitting me? Yeah. And, uh, what did it do caucus, too? Didn't do caucus do some. You wrote a tank.

Demi, yeah, we're tired of a tanker. I'm tired of a tanker. Without a tank with a big helmet? He looked like a penis. You did like a do-ball. Dude, that is like, running for president's the ultimate, you're trying to fuck a girl, and you got to act cool in the right way the whole time when you blow it.

And then like, do caucus is like, let me get that tank. That looks badass. And then it was like, it was like, it was a putz. It's really as you're trying to fuck, you're trying to fuck chick out of your league. Yeah really as you trying to fuck you trying to fuck jick out of your league Yeah, and you just really just trying to maintain All coolness dude truck

Negged he begged as well into it. He was like you stupid you fat. I wouldn't even want to fuck you if I did fuck you It'd be great and they're like It would be like Lenny Bruce coming to watch us do a live podcast. Yeah, where he's like I went to jail to watch us do a live podcast. Yeah. Where he's like, I went to jail because I said, uh, bitch on at the fucking basement of some San Francisco nightclub and we're like, these fucking baggots are crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

He got hauled out of the bitter end for saying like, ass. And then we're over like, oh, suck a shit through a piss hole. You fucking. Yeah. This young broad has a fucking fobably fucking vagina when she does jump a jacks. Yeah, and he's like, Hey man, I don't know if that's yeah, yeah, dude, it's

the Howard Dean, the Harold Dean paradox. Hey, Gabby, how's your father doing? He's good. He's on that malaria drug and he's like, fine, wait, does he have the COVID? He had it, and he had it bad. He had it. He's on that malaria drug and he's like fine. Wait, does he have the COVID? He had it. And he had a bad. He had it. Oh, geez. He had a bad. He had a bad. He was sick as a fucker. He's getting better. My mom also hasn't no symptoms.

That's the scary shit. That's why those things. That's why this scares the shit out of me. Because you, somebody in the same house, nothing. And and the other person just drops dead And then it will hit the whole family out. Yeah, it hits men twice as hard Right what is that cool cool Gabby? Yeah, keep flipping us off for when we all die and then you got to deal with the roaming pack of cannibals Good luck sweetheart. Let's see you charm you right without men behind you Good luck sweetheart. Let's see you charm your head without men behind you. I love all this feminism. I love all this feminism. I love when this feminism fucking crashes when people start eating each other and they're like,

um, as a woman, I should have equal opportunity to let you guys know. I'm very uncomfortable with the situation. You're like, you're going to fucking eat you. Shut up and run. The moment the zombies come, I'm like, I don't, I don't want rights. I don't even want to vote. Can someone else think it's pretty fucked up. You're only eating white people when there's black people, people of color around to also cannibalize. I just feel like it's pretty trivial. You're gonna know we're back to normal when fucking those dipshit show back up. Oh, they suck Oh the fucking woke ass holes. I know I miss them. I miss them because it means everything was okay Yeah, all their blogs mean nothing right now

You're doing magic trying to fucking argue about diversity in the Disney company right now What the fuck up? I use you. What's your hiring practices? I'm sure it's happening. Oh, I mean, there's got to be at least one SJW that's just fired up in her cage right now with her fucking bird droppings all over the place. Bird droppings because she has a dumb bird. I get it.

I should probably do that. I'll camera with Patreon. We're showing nuts. We're doing drugs. Who cares? You can smoke. You can smoke. Who cares, man? Who cares? I fucking got all camera's Patreon. We're showing nuts. We're doing drugs. Who cares? You can smoke you can smoke who cares, man? Who cares? I fucking I forgot to shave one little line right under my nose. It's like a little mini hitler mustache right here. Whoa. Oh,

List. Are you doing are you doing a quarantine beard? No, this is just my regular whatever. Bobby, you're still a big beard. I am one. I whatever. Bobby, you should do a big beard. I am one. I know. Listen, honey, I was on the road with you for a while. I get it. You know, bottom's day and for nothing. I never tried.

No, but you should grow a big gray beard. Do you look cool? Fuck. I if I grow a gray beard, I'm done. I'm done. I'm going to look at an asshole. There you go. I am. I'm gonna look like a massive garden of. No, because there's certain comics that grow the beard and they grow the hair out and they

look fucking 72. Yeah, but if you grew a beard, you look wise and powerful. I would not. I'd look like a fucking old comic. I should just move to Jersey and do boats. Dude, do Bobby the Grey. And then you come for wisdom. We've come to you for wisdom. You come to me for wisdom now. You know, I would believe it more if you had a beer. I listen, believe in this right now. I got to do a sponsored ad. Do you guys mind? It's on a bitch.

It's a smoke. Oh, this is, I in this right now, I gotta do a sponsored ad. Do you guys mind? Son of a bitch. This is it. Oh, this is, I love this company. They just, and Joe, you're gonna, where Dan go? And. So you're the one, I'm right here, dude, but you know, I'll be back up to the commercial. Or, You're gonna be everybody.

Guys, I got you. Don't show anything, okay? Just you. Okay, here you go. No, because this is good. This company, Joe, list is gonna like too. Look, you forget about having the perfect beach body, okay? The truth is it can around too much weight

and increases your risk of high blood pressure, heart attack, sleep apnea, joint pain, increases resistant insulin, which can lead to diabetes. Good news is that lowering your weight by five or 10% can decrease your health risks automatically. Founded 10 years ago, withings produced the first commercially available smart scale, and they are still considered the best.

Withings now has an ecosystem of award-winning connect devices beyond the scale, like a hybrid hybrid smartwatch, which I have, the blood pressure monitor, known for their accuracy and ease of use, step on a within smart scale, and the data from every way in goes directly to its highly rated health mate app available

on iOS and Android. Okay, I have this scale. I'm plugging it in tomorrow, because now I'm at the phase of this work, I'm gonna scale. I'm plugging it in tomorrow because now I'm at the phase of this work. I'm going to start worked out today with Max. We set up the gym and the in the shed with the the weights and the the the treadmill. So we're going to I have the scale ready to go, the app ready to go. If you want to take control, you wait, just add or add must

withing smart scale. This on the scale. At every way full body composition, wait Tom's guide recently name the best overall smartsc 20. Okay, get 20% off a body plus or body cardio, body o composition, Wi-Fi smart scale at withings.com, okay? That's W-I-T-H-I-N-G-S.com with this coupon code, Kelly 25. Withings.com, Kelly 25, coupon is good until May 30th, 2020.

So get it now. A lot of you chubby bastards are losing weight with me. You've been doing this whole 30 with me for the last, I don't know, 14 weeks. This scale is going to help you. Okay. You get 20% off right now. My list knows only, all right, has made the Kelly 25 coupon also works for any steel heart rate smartwatch.

You can get a smartwatching at the scale. So go to withings.com right now. There you go. Boom. How was that? Fucking beautiful. God damn that was beautiful. Thanks man.

Loved it. Serena Williams uses that scale. She does. She does. She told me she loves it. We were quarantining together and she was just like, it's beautiful. I don't have, I'm hooking it up tonight actually. I have the watch, which I love.

I'm hooking up the app. I get the app ready to go because it will help me out getting on the scale, letting you know what you did for the day. You know what I'm saying? I can't wait to use it. Mike, I'm not getting any of your emails by the way. So there you go. I built the,

this is why you wanna live with me. If the shit goes down, Mike, we have to form, like you want me down with you, Calta. Cause we have different skills. You're in the guy to build shit. I'm a guy to shoot shit. Well, I can shoot you to. You guys need anybody that's good at seasoning meats?

Is that what about mandolin? Oh, Joe and I provide a service here to be hard to find in the post apocalypse. Yes, season made season or the man bullet. Yeah, I could play take me out to the ball game. That's pretty much it, but it's a good take me out to the ball. Yeah. So awesome. The Renaissance fair comes to town. I'm pretty bad at asked you to people jacked for a baseball game. Oh, yeah. Where do you live it? Where do you living a Renaissance fair here

and fuck it in three years if this shit keeps up? I'm telling you dude, it's going to get really fucking bad in April. In New York City. Bad. I think here's the thing. It's going to be bad for a long, long time. The days of us going, all right,

I'm going to be in Vegas next week when St. Louis, the weekend after that and Cleveland after that, that's going to be a long way off. Couple years, I'm saying. Now, say a couple years. I don't know about a couple years, do you? A couple of years. Stop that. I would say six to seven months. But they're saying in the fall, it's going to come back hard in the fall. Who's saying that? That's the thing, Dr. Fauci. Yeah. He said, what? It's going to come back in the fall. We'll be able to get it down,

coil it in the summer. The virus isn't give a fuck about, you know, the moon tower. It really should get a fun festival. It's been a consistently fun festival for seven years. We can slow it down, but it'll come back in the fall. They said said the winter months, it'll be worse because it'll, you know, spike in South America. And as long as somebody has it, it continues to kick around the back. It's just the fucking months a lot. I wear the borders. Let's not go anywhere.

It's already here. Yeah, but shut it. The fuck down forever. No one in or out. But Joe, what about if you get it? What if you get it? You can't you can be sick after that, right? I think for a while they don't know. They're still learning about all this stuff for a while, but there's a shit about people. But here's the thing.

You also got to think how quickly are people going to want to go? Yeah, let's go get in the basement pile on top of each other and laugh when we shoot Spittle in an air out. Also, I spent when I talk. So me being on stage, I'm like, that is a liability for a lot of people in the front row. Yeah, and that is a Gallagher show. Yeah, and that will take on a small country. Yeah, that's going to be the new hits from fucking international governments is that like getting tickets to comedy show, the moon.

Plus, I don't want to be a big bummerhead here, but Dr. Bricks, the doctor of the the woman with the scarves there, she's like, if we do everything great, we can keep it to 100,000 to 200,000 people. You get, you get 200,000 people that die. People going to be running out to comedy clubs after that. They're going to be fucking bummed out and they're going to be wiped out financially. Yeah, but how how's your new stuff? That's the question. I think that's yeah, but you know, it's going to be doing this. Who's going to be going out? The young people are going to fucking I believe once they open the gates, the young people are going to

go to the clubs. They're going to go to the bars. You're going to go to the restaurants. Look at Gabby. That they're going to be out as soon as can, because they don't give a fuck about getting the flu. They don't care about getting herpes a, and nothing, they're just gonna go out and have fun. It doesn't matter. So what, you're sick for five days. They're not gonna give a fuck. So I think the comedy clubs are gonna be different

as far as crowds, because it's gonna be young people. There's not gonna be any more diverse crowds, but you know, especially parents with kids and jobs, they're going to be like, fuck you, I'm not going to get sick and get bored. If you already had it and then you came through it and now you're like, what's fucking, I think I get it. It's got it. My wife's got it. All my neighbors got it. We're in a fucking cesspool of Corona and we're all okay. I think we all got it. I think I had it. I'm pretty sure I had it.

What do you mean? I'm pretty sure I had it. You just like, no. This isn't seeing a person. You know, like I, I think it's all, I think it's all this way. I agree. I think my son had it. Yeah.

Yeah, but in the very beginning, he had a fever and he had all the symptoms. He couldn't breathe and my buddy's a doctor. My buddy was just keeping an old nobody wants him in the hospital. I think he just beat it in a couple of weeks. I just think I think a lot of people have it. I think what's going to happen is that all these old people are going to get very sick in the next couple of weeks here and they're going to overload the hospitals.

And that's the thing that they don't want to do. And once that happens, fucking the president is going to open up the doors and be like, look, we're open in this country back up. We have to fucking make money. He needs this country to make money or he's not going to be elected again. But then that's how we're all going to fucking die. He's a verb, he goes out and starts going back to the normal way of life. So what do we do? Sit for a year and not do anything until somebody comes up with a fucking

antibody. And then we become, well, you know, it's going to happen to this fucking country. You know what's going to happen to New York City in six months if people have no money and no job? This is gonna be like the fucking 1900s. This is gonna, people gonna be killing people. Yeah, I'm heading up to your house, so get ready. I'll sleep in the room with the drums. I don't give a fuck.

I'm telling you, man. Mike, look, I'm fucking, I'm learning all kinds of skills. Bring up my bookshelf, Mike. Look at this. I'm telling you, man. Mike, look, I'm fucking, I'm learning all kinds of skills. Bring up my bookshelf, Mike. Look at this. I'm making shit, man. I'm learning how to, I'm getting a gun. You just try to say that you're going to be useful for the apocalypse and you try to show those that you made a bookshelf, buddy.

You're gonna want to tell you that you should just put a workout. What? Look at this book. Look at, I made that. Look at that. Look at that. That's gonna be a big one. It goes down, man. Man, we have to, we have to chop that thing up for at that. That's gonna be big when it goes down man.

Man, we have to we have to chop that thing up for burning wood. That'll be pretty fun. I'm like, I put all our canned vegetables on there. Look at that. Yeah, we're gonna pull all of that. We all have the most useless tool for the apocalypse. We're just funny and fun to be around. P. Yeah, I am fucking ready. Look at that.

Calta. I am none of those skills. I'm very jealous of that. I could get out of there, Mike. Every question needs morale. Yes. What? Every coalition needs morale.

I think the Indians are morale. Debbie, comedians are gonna die so fast. Oh, so fast. It's unbelievable. It's crazy. Oh, so fast is unbelievable. It's crazy. No, I can't lose you all. You can fuck your way out of it. No morale.

I can't. At least she'll lose weight. I'm gonna take that gut. Can you please bring up her fucking doing jumping jacks on a roof, please? It's done. It's a story. Can you bring out?

There you go. It's a little jiggle. Here's a story. Can you bring out a little jiggle? Here's a deal. They're going to take Brooklyn back. Oh, I can't wait till they take Brooklyn back. Who's that? Who is that? Who is that? Yeah.

Why don't you go into that one, Bobby? I can't wait to let this dude holy Thanksgiving come and say I'm talking. Don't make it into racist. I don't mean black people. I'm saying the vertical jump in Brooklyn's about. Now I'm talking about. I'll end Queens. I'm talking about there's a lot of.

All end Queens going to take Brooklyn back. Yeah, everyone. He is more jiggle than I do. Baba, have you ever met his family? They're original Brooklyn people. They're trash. OK? And they're family? They're original Brooklyn people. They're trash. Okay. And they're gangsters and they'll kill people.

Don't videotape this, you know, I was wondering how many, I was wondering how many people are going to, like, with that mean. You know what I'm saying, Bobby, like how you're saying that. You see she was trying to take me out She was yeah, but she's that will take me out faster than yours. I have people online Bobby. There's nothing to cancel everything's been canceled Can't be canceled Let me ask a question. How do, have you or Dan done any preparations for like the next couple months? What do you mean? Like I have a freezer. I have a refrigerator

in my garage and then I have a cubic refrigerator. I mean, a freezer where I've got just filled to the gills. I have this thing. I have, I got a a freezer a seven foot cubic freezer where I filled it to the gills with all kinds of meats and vegetables. I have a whole shelf in my office now that you can see it's a little if you can see it see all the food I have over there. Yeah. I have all that food over there. Um, yeah, but that was there before. Yeah. That was your thinking food. Fuck off. I have. I'm gonna have you either have a gun. I got a gun. You know, he's got guns. I mean, I'm ready to go. I have six months of MMA training. That's pretty bad. I ask, you know what, Joe? Once a week. Yeah, you're a weapon at home.

I got a sniper bag filled with water purifiers, a bunch of emergency blankets, a knife, and a hatchet in hiking boots. You're dead in the week. Dead in the week. Dead in the week. Guess what? I guess you're smoking cigarettes that whole week. This fucking guy is fucking nice.

It's fucking I'm a smoke cigarettes. I'm a smoked cigarettes. I'm a drink again. Who gives you shit? Gabby, you're dead. You're just dead. You're lugging and clean your fingernails with it. Yeah. No, you're going to be a you're going to be a gas king's wife.

I'll take that. Like Max, you're going to be one of the fucking women that the old dude with the weird fucking oxygen tank bangs. Yeah, I'm gonna shave my head. I was going to be the comedians on the front of the fire ones telling bits as we bounce around, you know, as they go to war, I'm just talking hooked into a microphone. What's up with dating huh? I remember apps. That was crazy.

What are you gonna say, Joe? dating huh? That's remember apps. That was crazy. What are you going to say, Joe? How's Max? What do you say? Is he scared? Is he nervous? What do you say? How do you handle that? He loves it. He loves, I mean, school is a, and we woke, here's the thing.

I'm sure we should probably wake up earlier, but we wake, we woke up at 10 today. So we woke up. I had already done my job by then. We woke up in the army. And then he goes to school in the office. He does a bunch of things. And then he's done. And then we we I'm trying to do stuff with him like we built that bookshelf together, trying to teach him about tools, trying to teach them about that.

Then we worked out together. So we're trying to do all the stuff, but he loves it. I mean, he's, this is the best. The only thing I think he misses, you know, the kids, the other kids, you know, because it's just us. No, I feel. So I feel. They launched this thing on Facebook where you can have your kids chat with other kids

from their school. It's like a FaceTime, but the parents have to all agree on it. And then it just sounds like a bunch of squirrels in my house all the time. Just look it squeaking. It's annoying as fuck. Oh, dude, I got it. That's got to be some terrible background noise. It's it's constantly going on ringing and squeaking as all year at my house.

Oh, God. Isn't that like, I know that it just blurs out because there's people talking a lot. It's it's it's here's the thing is that I a month I can do this. But two more months of this, I don't know, three months. I think that I think that's the best case scenario is that we're doing this till June. Yeah, but it's okay for young people, but families with kids, man, kids have to see other kids. Kids have to be. I'm a kid. I'm just a young cool 36 year old dude, you know, I got to get out there and touch balls.

Joe pull them out. Don't pull them out. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you

know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you Uh, Jesus Christ laying on its back like a good puppy. You really got a fucking brajuto down there. I got a, uh, we're going to fix that list.

What is that? Dude, don't do that. That was great. That was great. Joe list just had the best joke on any podcast. They've been on so far. So if this, but here's the thing, if this goes on, Bobby Hookline and Cigar, if this goes on for a long time, we're going to get crazy in here.

I mean, we're going to start doing some, oh, do get ready for dance, so to do shit, aren't I'm going to be putting that on? That's going to be on Etsy. We got, we have to figure out a new way to make a living. I mean, it's going to be all Patreon podcast shit. I think that's what it's gonna be I think it's gonna be how we gonna split these fans up Dude I think you got to be more concerned if how fans are gonna fucking pay for this shit. Well, I know I know man. It's

Well a lot of people aren't losing their job like I think like you know 20% of Americans lost their job, which is insane. But that means, you know, 80% of people still have the four bucks for Patreon and the fuck. Yeah, I think, but I also think Patreon fans too, it is a cup of coffee, it's not that much money. And they're gonna need this type of stuff to get through this. So even if they're getting, you know,

a check for the government of blah, blah, blah, you're gonna want to be a part of stuff. Ellen John just did a show from his living room for free. You think they're coming to look for this? I think so. I mean, thanks, Mike, for that you cock sucka with a job. I don't know. As another guy with a job, hold on. I'm giving you a pound on an angle. Yeah, you know, that fucking jobs. It is funny. They're watching like the crazy wealthy people just like how about a free show? You're like, Hey, shut the fuck up. You had a time to eat. Go away, fucker. It really, it really makes me it's really hilarious that these wealthy, rich, famous people when they get a come on and they always have

to give a speech, they always, and it's always like, hey, I just want to say, I know out there where, you know, we can all pull the get, we're going to make it. No, you're going to make it because you have money for fucking days. You're not worried about a fucking thing right now. you're not worried about a fucking thing right now. That imagined video was so fucking corny and it just shows you the absolute disconnect that they're like, you know what people who are really worried about rent want to hear? Us butcher a John Lennon classic. They started laying radio people off. Yeah.

So I heard for loads of people, and then some guy in Tampa got blown out from Beasley today and it's happening. Yeah, there's a lot of people. Yeah, but you're number one. You're not going anywhere. People need. But I'm also, if you cut my salary,

you can keep 30 people employed. Well, don't say that aloud. I have a contract. I'm not worried about it. I'll show them the economics. Don't show them, don't show them the words. I'm not gonna lie, man. economics don't show them don't show them the words I'm not gonna lie man. I got a real trade and dump contract Fucking get rid of that money off your books. You're doing pretty alright. Yeah

It's like now the voice of Toledo What the fuck what did you want a new camp in Toledo? The voice of Toledo you've been to Toledo. You've been to Toledo? What a fucking dump. I was referencing because I haven't. And I've just heard it. Nothing but terrible things. Last time I lost that was in Toledo.

I was there right after a tornado. I was playing the Toledo funny bone. And this is how long it was. Kevin Hart was headlining the week before. Oh, wow. And they had a tornado and they made Kevin go in the basement of the hotel and his crew didn't want to go. And they were, they were like, they had to call the cops and everything. They're like, fuck that. And uh, yeah, that's gangster when you're

fucking bigger than a tornado. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna read some of these names. These are all names that are new people. I'm gonna read only half of names. Nah, man. These are all names that are new people. I'm gonna read only half of them because it's been so many people that joined the Patreon. And I wanna make sure I get all you guys. Jeff, hip, hip, hip, hip, hip, hip, hip, pop. Hip, hip, pop. I'm on the list.

Yeah. Tyler Billinger, Jay Caballero, Jennifer Cork. Cork, Stephanie Stephanie Molly Nager. All right. You can still get canceled for that one. It's Molly. It's a name. Molly Nager.

What's that? Molly Nager. Thomas Edward Butler. Daniel J. Dowdy. Eric J. Bratt. TV. Hange Miller. Hage Miller. Sarah Hage Miller, AB, Ryan McLaughlin, Jason

Clark, Jeff, Sammy Salarillo, Rick Sepovada, Marca San, Bernice Mendez, Tina Gray, Jeffrey Radcliffe, Austin Walker, John Kevin Mash, Nome Dorman. Hey, mandolin, old norm kicking back. I called him norm. No, Garrett Forcif, Eric Dean Kennedy, Gippy, Mr. Kim Reynolds, Cameron Myers, Wendy Pearson, Chris Bayling, Antonio Cornela, Brian Riley, Sarah, Tala Mosh. Thomas, Thomas to Provich, Chris Rose, Sean, Ian, flick my being, lick my bum clean, Yamin O'Brien. Okay, and we're going to read the rest next week because there's too many more. So next week, we'll read the rest of you and the new people that are coming on. Goddamn it, guys. I mean, we're not going to see each other. This is when this thing really hit me.

Nome said that even if the seller goes back, he's not going to let SD go back. I won't, he won't let SD go back to work. So that means I won't see SD for over a year. Wait, so he won't let it, what do you mean he won't let it go to work? He doesn't, until they get a vaccine, he can't let her go in and be some, because she might get it and if she gets it, she gets sick, she could die. And he's got to just say work from the house. That's crazy. She's coming on the airshow tonight to talk about that apparently. What's that?

She's coming on the airshow tonight to talk about that apparently. Yeah. It's, it's crazy to me I mean, I'm not gonna see people. I mean, we might not see each other for six months guys That's quite nice, but yeah So I thought about like I might I might have seen my fucking parents the last time for God's sake Yeah, I've thought about that. I mean, my grandma's 93 and if anything happens to her, if she gets sick at all, it's like, I can't do shit.

I'm going to have to ask someone, I'm going to have to ask like a old whisperer to go to him. Where is she? She's on North and San Francisco and all town by a lake. So that's the only saving grace of that fucking shit hole. You have a San Francisco in the whole Northern California is fucking ravaged by this. Yeah, and that's where my grandma lives. And so that's when we're worried about it. But there's nothing I can do about it. It's like, are you sending her stuff? Are you

making sure she gets everything? I sent her a box of rubber gloves and told her to fucking keep her head on a swivel. She said, you look like a howie-man del video. Yeah, she's blowing it up on her head. She's just doing it. He's been through with fucking no-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go This greatest generation man, they don't give a fuck. They feel like they took out the... All people on the street. Yeah, they'll just say, well, that's just, you know, that's what happens. And you're like, you know, this is cheese. They've been through the fucking depression.

They don't care. We're like, but how am I supposed to have a hulu and an Netflix? And they're like, oh, well, you know, some people die and some people live. That's what we learned when we were children. I'm going to go eat it tomato. Oh, you know, now keep that black man away from me, but sometimes people die. Yeah, it says whole fucking generation.

Yeah, it's fucking weird. It's weird. I mean, I'm not going to see so many people for so long. Yeah, there's a couple of people I'm glad I ain't going to see though. Let's be honest. There's a lot of people I'm cutting out of my life. But here's a thing. It made me walk around fancy free for the past couple of weeks. Yeah, but we're going to have to fucking see them on the internet. That bugs me too. Now, you don't have to follow them. You don't have to fucking. Yeah, but, but if they follow you, you got to follow them then. No, you don't, no, you don't, no, you don't. Is that why you don't follow me?

I followed you since day one, Robert. A list of the following me still. Oh, yeah, dude. Bill the T girl. Girl, you. Yeah, Joe. This is being disrespectful. He showed you his balls tonight, Mike. Joe, I don't like Joe's Marmy judgmental angle. And he has the whole time tonight.

Well, I love it. I feel like I'm holding it up. So hold it up to your face. I love it. I feel like I'm giving him a nice sweet beach. You know, Joe went last night and he never likes anything that I do on Instagram. And I always like his stuff. And he says, I like your stuff all the time. And I went right after the show last night. He liked everything in one fall swoop last night. Yeah, he's done that with me. I appreciate it. He swoops in and makes you feel wonderful about yourself for your compliments. I still periodically comment on the max near the video. That's our favorite video. That's my favorite thing. There's about 40 comments for me through the years. Me too.

Upcorn. Upcorn. That's the best thing on the internet. What is it? What was it again? It's Max, I know it like by heart. But he was saying happy New Year and then Max says, happy poopy and then you say, no, not happy poopy.

Did you toot and then he says no. And then he goes, no, not happy poopy did you to and then he says no and then he goes, yeah, I did. He says no smells and then goes, yeah, I did. It's fucking magical. It's one of my saved things. I'll go comment it on it. Happy new year. Happy New Year. What year is it? I'm going to look it up, Joe. What year?

It's probably two years ago. I think. Maybe three years ago. Yeah, I think it's two or three years ago. I remember that. Yeah. It's probably New Year's Eve 2017 or 2018. It's been 18 or 19.

Wow. This is 19. That was three months ago. I just, I miss you guys. And it's going to suck that I hope this thing, I hope this thing is over soon because I like when we, when it gets over, we should all meet and others mouth. No, we should up, we should all meet at the park or have a big party and hang out. You know what's funny about that is the last time I did, you know, what do you do with

Joe? You shell over as park parties and now you're I'm saying one of my parties. Not one of his fucking balloon parties. Not one of his balloon park fucking hipster parties with people bring a trisket and a fucking smile. Yeah, get itchy legs and donate food. Hey, I made, I made this cheese out of other cheese that was in my thing. Do you guys want to share what? Sure. Yeah, let's do one of your, let's do one of your wet logs infested with spider parties. Yeah. First of all, yeah, don't even laugh at that because you don't even know what it means. I know what it means. I sat on one of those fucking logs. First of all, I remember Keith Robinson

pre-stroke being like, man, fuck this. Spider's crawling up his fucking head. I had a tree cut down, Calta, in my backyard. And instead of taking the logs away, I said, oh, those are put them around the fire pit. And those would be, I'll make seats. And I'll I'm gonna shellac them. I just never got around to shellac in them. So a year later, we were having the, my party and I guess spiders and stuff kind of went inside them and. Well, I'm talking about, we're sitting there eating steak tips and then all of a sudden it's like, I got a three ants on my right calf and then everyone's like, oh my god, oh my god. It's about the tree stump., oh my God. It's what the, come on. I'm a tree stump.

What about the year that it, what about the year that it rained? I had 60 people in my house. Oh, dude. And I went out, I went out that that morning and said it was gonna rain. I bought all these little pop-up things that act me food store.

And I put them all together and I duct tape them all together. And everybody, it was a beautiful day. And then it turned in five seconds, it starts raining 60 people under all these little canopies. And it's going fine. I'm out in the rain cooking. I'm soaking wet. I'm cooking steak tips sausages and fucking hamburgers for 60 people.

And then you just hear it just rips. They start ripping and the water coming through. Everybody goes inside my fucking three bedroom ranch. I got 60 people inside. That was fucked up. I was, I'm not going to allow one of the things I was bummed out about thinking about when they were like, yeah, this might go into mid-May. I was like, oh man, there's always Max's, Max's birthday party is always fun. You know, like everyone gets together. June second, it's still going down. But June second, I wasn't notified. Well, you don't get notified yet. You usually get notified and maybe put it in the old calendar. Because now there will be no party. June 1st, wait, June 2nd is a Tuesday, right? No, it's going to be, it's probably going to be the 30th, the 31st, sorry, the 31st.

2021. May, May 31st or June 7th. And then 10 p.m. Braw, you can catch me, hopefully, at the 10 p.m. Braw, the 4th through the 6th. Please for the love of God. Let me be at the 10 p.m. Braw. Dude, I was supposed to be at the other one at the improv. Where?

They had me at the 10 p.m. Then had to cancel me and then rescheduled me for the other one. What's the other one at the improv. Where they had me at the tempi, then had to cancel me and then rescheduled me for the other one. What's the other one they have? And not in Arizona. Stand up live. No, the other one. House of comedy. No, the other one.

Uh, I'm out. In Arizona, there's another one. The laughing cactus. I don't know the have a Lena Chuckles. It's the other one. And a live. No, the end of live stand-up live. Stand-up live.

Tempe improv, house of comedy. And what's the other one? Phoenix. It's yeah, Phoenix, Phoenix, uh, something. It's the other one. I mean, if you say the other one one more time, I'm gonna fucking karate kick my goddamn computer. Oh, stand up Scottsdale. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's the only other one. That's the only other one. That's the only other one. What? Scottsdale's cop comedy spot. No CB live Phoenix, Arizona. CB live. One thing I'm sure of, there's not going to be six Phoenix

comedy clubs that survive this. At least four of those are going to put my money in Tempe, improv. I'm hoping they fucking pull through this. CB, no way to go in six for six. Dude, it's going to be really funny because like I think a comedian, especially with podcasts before this happened, we had a lot of power with our negotiations with fucking comedy clubs. And now comedy clubs are like, you're going to work for this much. And we're like, yeah, that's very fair. Oh, yeah, I thought that road money is going to be a joke. It's going to be like

eight hundred bucks a week. It's going to be like, it's going fair. Oh, yeah, I saw that road money is going to be a joke. It's gonna be like eight hundred bucks a week. It's gonna be like, eight, eight pay. It's gonna be eighties pay. Where they're like, you want to mail and how about a $55 and 50 cents? I'm open in an economic club. Do it, dude. I'll be the best.

I'll be your house MC. I will give me an AK 47 and a stream of fucking cooked meats. I was trying to buy side-spreaders last year. I'm so glad that didn't happen. Here in Assault. Yeah, seriously though. I was trying to buy side spliters last year. I'm so glad that didn't happen. Here in an asshole. Yeah, seriously though. Yeah, there's a lot of businesses that you're like, hey man, I just hope to see you guys on the other side. Is that Chicago businesses? I don't know. Portillo's maybe. All right, Lizzie, we're gonna wrap this up. Mike's gonna go do another podcast. Joe, I love you so much. I love you buddy I miss you. I miss you too. Maybe we should maybe do a some type of meeting on zoom

Yeah, I've been doing a bunch of that. What do you mean just you and me hanging out? No, like I don't know where are they? Where are the meetings they haven't been invited? I got some I'll send you some I'm gonna go to one. Will you send me one and I'll go to with you? Sure, but maybe we'll start one too. That'll be nice. Yeah, let's get a couple of people who are in it and we'll do it. All right. I want to go. I want to go. I want to go. Yeah, it's it's for you. You want me to drink. Well, maybe I learned something. You, but you don't drink. You're not an alcoholic. You're not a drug addict. You can't go. What are you going to learn? I could start Dan Soda subscribe to my new webcam I J.O. from eight to nine a.m. I call it morning jerk with Dan. I love tips. I love tips

E-fingers holy shit Yeah, boy. Yeah, nice. You guys Joe. I love you, ball bag. Call to good. You guys, you guys get some sleep. I love you guys. Gabby, what about Gabby?

Do you love Gabby? I said, I said goodbye to Gabby. But Gabby, you say you loved everybody. You don't even love him. He didn't love me either. He just loved you and Joe. You don't love, you don't love Mike. I love my call to.

What on me? Gabby, you got to earn it. Jesus Christ. Suarez, you're close. Couple more fun. Peace and love. Bye, everyone. I'm gonna go poop on cam soda. And Mike, I live it. Is that it? Yeah, we're out. I gotta go. Mike's gonna go. Gabby, I love you. We'll see you I'll talk to you this week Mike. I'll talk to you later tonight. See you guys. Bye guys Listening to the YKWD podcast Thanks for listening

Now go back to your shitty jobs shitty jobs Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.