Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Best of 2021

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

This week YKWD and Robert Kelly celebrates 2021 with some of our best times, favorite moments and even a couple of previously unpublished bits! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.c...om/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en preno, conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la Dición Especial de Madrid nos liga.
Starting point is 00:00:24 Un humenaje de mao, a Madrid. en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. Siempre que se mantenga las terconstancias económico financieras del solititante en el momento de la solicitud. ¡Hey, that was amazing! Ya, we didn't get it, we didn't get it. Ya, we didn't get it, we didn't get it. What the fuck, you got a Mexican... I know! No! You don't hire a Mexican to teach a woman... Is that the camera?
Starting point is 00:01:25 Oh, we got that, we got that. Are we going? The camera? No, we're not live yet. All right, let's go, we got that recorded. Market, tape it, send it. I want it. The magic that's on that tape?
Starting point is 00:01:35 Check the gate. It belongs to us. Yes. I mean, technically it belongs to me. Sure. Well technically it belongs to you, but the magic that's on that tape. I mean, creatively we sold that I would make the most of the money
Starting point is 00:01:46 Yeah, that's lion sure. Yeah, lion. I'm a lion Racer cat This is start come on I'm waiting Ladies and gentlemen. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that today No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's today. No, no, no, the first time. Not yet, it hasn't gone yet. We do the as an intro. In over a year. You fucking beat the G-Gear. I already appear and proud to bring back. You know what, dude.
Starting point is 00:02:12 It's a podcast. It's a podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? I welcome everybody to the show. I'm a white kid at my computer. I started a social media podcast. I'm a white kid at my computer. I'm a white to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it.
Starting point is 00:02:25 I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it.
Starting point is 00:02:33 I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it.
Starting point is 00:02:41 I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here to do it. I'm not here, thank you for all my podcast. This is an NPR. That's what the podcast does. Is there any better show? This is the original original. I'm out. I'm out.
Starting point is 00:02:50 I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.
Starting point is 00:02:58 I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm and one of them smells like molestation. Jesus, that's it.
Starting point is 00:03:15 I remember him when you were little. I remember he used to sleep with your mouth open. I used to see him back. He was more like that. to see that you were born in. I'm not born in. No. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 00:03:29 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What the fuck kind of had of you? Are you wearing a...
Starting point is 00:03:38 Is that a shoe? No. The closed caption guy wrote, Light Laughter. I mean, he wrote it. This guy's like light laughter, heavy comedian. Hard to say, the first sip of piss. First of all, if that's not your next album,
Starting point is 00:03:54 I don't know if it's a sip of piss. First sip of piss should be your next album. And was it a sip or was it more like open your throat? It's a great question. It was a sneaky mouthful. I fight with her, but there's a point with her. I'm going to pull back because I know she'll fight me. So punch you in the neck.
Starting point is 00:04:12 I get proud. Yeah, I have to fight. It makes me so hot. Maybe that's what I should do on my only fan. Fight. And then they just see my panties get wet. Yeah, without. How much of a bobby grow up?
Starting point is 00:04:24 It's so hot. Why would you pick? It was 80 pounds on keto. He doesn't need it. get wet. Yeah, without. You'd come to my Bobby grow up. Why would you cost 80 pounds on keto? He doesn't need it. He just has to have that image. I'll never read again. Just fucking. Flesh colored panties getting wet. There's nothing worse than being done. The seller and girls looking at the wall and my sexy Bobby photos behind me. And like, who's that? I'm like standing right there. Did an old Indian chief curse you?
Starting point is 00:04:46 You were being as large as a buffalo. Shut up dude, get the fuck out of my way old man. You are messing with the force you don't understand. For you are the great white water buffalo and you will be cursed through us give your life. Fuck you dude, I'm going to a set. I'm gonna... I'm gonna say, I'm gonna suck on some pits.
Starting point is 00:05:10 Which one? Which one? You got a pick one. Who? You got a pick one. There's a gun against your hand. You got a pick one. Which one? We're gonna do a whole, I'm a farm hand and needs...
Starting point is 00:05:19 With me? You pick me? Damn. Nice. No, she wouldn't, wow. You just said it. You got to understand. Lewis nice. No, she wouldn't. Wow. You're just setting. You got to understand. You have to understand, in olden times,
Starting point is 00:05:29 bigger people were seen as being very close friends. You get a little fucker stuff. Oh fuck, Holly. Oh fuck, Holly. Oh fuck. She's like, I'd go with President Taft. She's like, I'd go with President Taft. That's a man that can not in the economy!
Starting point is 00:05:50 Ah, she's gonna die if I see photo shots of me as Taft! I'm gonna fuck his staff! Bobby at a bathtub! Fuck yeah dude! She's gonna pass away from COVID after this, but it's so a good time Well, it's fun No you really you choose Bobby out of everybody Are you are you're near sighted? Miss miss do you understand what's happening right now do you know where you are
Starting point is 00:06:27 I can hear you and I walk along oh my god I need to get you on camera, sweetie. Hi, mama. So you definitely pick me, right? That's great. Who would be your second choice in an orgy? Yeah. Oh!
Starting point is 00:06:58 We should have known you had Joan Rivers at RJ. On the set of Matt about you, there was an earthquake and Helen Hunt got in between the doorway of the set. Like she hid in the doorway because that's what you're supposed to do. But it was a fucking set, like a wall, like it was a 10 foot high wall. And then after the earthquake settled, Paul Reiser said, that would have only saved your character. That's funny. And I'm like, that's one of the best lines I've ever heard in my life. Yeah, that's very funny. Very good. Um, for a Jew. For a Jew. Like I had to save it.
Starting point is 00:07:34 All right, we're gonna do. Um, yeah, it's fucking, it's crazy to me. Are you gonna stop doing? Are you gonna just keep doing Doug? Yeah, it's all right. I mean, I just gotta do more if you had a if Patreon I'll be Barry cats if all your characters are drowning which one would you save? Chip Chip after everybody else uncle Paul's gone. Yeah, even though he's probably deep down my favorite, but uncle Paul Yeah, he's the most fun. Why is it just repulsive? You know uncle Paul no, I just don't understand how all the characters could
Starting point is 00:08:05 be drowning at the same time if he plays all of them. And why would they be? How does that make sense? If all the characters were, well, thank him about it. Game 1 1 say to me. I remember Dave's hip-hop. That was one thing you used to say to me all the time if you're on a showcase.
Starting point is 00:08:23 He came up to you like, you nervous. I'm like, no I'd be like well if just if all your drugs are grounding which ones would you save? That was the one you do tonight. Oh, well, that's a dude. That was his advice jokes are drownings off of what's what you say the one about Susan Smith and Andrea Yates Dennis that way I just Oh, damn it. That way. I just didn't get it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:47 I say, I feel like I'm not bringing much, I stink. No, you don't. Yeah. That really bombed all except for spots. Yeah. I feel it deserved more, but that's Uncle Paul. That's on the internet. Yeah, I just on vice.
Starting point is 00:08:58 Oh, yeah, I was. Who's advice? I'm for Hades. The founder of Uncle Mangle. I don't want to watch this. Oh, Nathamon. Yeah. who's advice I don't want to watch this uh-natterman yeah is that it? play it no why you were in it
Starting point is 00:09:15 I wasn't I was cut out oh wasn't I oh they didn't air that episode no I did four episodes I did two Uncle Paul sketches no I get too much. Yeah, I shut. Yeah, yeah, that was Uncle Paul like a reality show at Uncle Paul. I have the photo first of all and I show you know, he calls me up. He's got this vice show. He's like, I want you to do something.
Starting point is 00:09:38 That's hilarious. I want you to do something on the show and I'm like, yeah, and this is, I believe when I'm on, Louis, I'm on FX. I mean, I'm fucking really as an actor, kick an ass and Norton has this fight show. And he's like, I'd like you to come down and do this thing. And I'm like, of course, I didn't even ask what, I didn't even care what I'm just coming down. I'm doing what he wants me to do. So I get, I get down there and they gave me my wardrobe.
Starting point is 00:10:06 My wardrobe was a diaper and a bonnet. So I get I get down there and they gave me my wardrobe my wardrobe Was a diaper and a bonnet Yeah He gave me a diaper and a bonnet and a fucking pacifier That was it a giant diaper and a bonnet and I was what was I under cover because Uncle Paul's a pedophile So Bob was undercover. That's hilarious. So I was baby, I was baby vice. Meanwhile, I have a baby at home.
Starting point is 00:10:34 I have a child at home, and I have, I mean, I remember being in the back room, putting this diaper on, going, fuck. I mean, is this one of those times where you just say no and and maybe lose the French. You hear it is right? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's adorable. That's me. You want to take in your shirt off too for it and just have a bib on. I want up. I want to take in my shirt off. I'm outside. Dude, you don't understand though. I'm outside in the fucking streets of Brooklyn. And no shirt, a fucking, a bonnet diaper,
Starting point is 00:11:09 with a pair of handcuffs. I'm arresting this guy and he's trying to suck my dick as I'm arresting. He tried to suck you, I forgot about that. So, so he's going, I don't know. Every time I try, every time I pick up some, and we're filming this. And I'm like, oh, he's trying to time I pick up some. And we're filming this. And I'm like, oh, you're trying to suck it here.
Starting point is 00:11:27 You went to the diaper, I'll go go go go. And then I remember no one told me, yeah, dude, it's not going. I'm like, yeah, I kind of fucking under two in. Four episodes, two Uncle Paul sketches. They were like, it's just, we can't have. Oh, so they cut it. You didn't.
Starting point is 00:11:39 Vice to vice. Oh, okay. I just sent Nicole the photo of that. If you want to bring that up, it is. I did, I was in the middle of this. People are walking by. And I, sent Nicole the photo of that. If you want to bring that up, it is. I was in the middle of, people were walking by and there was a rant I did in the, diapet and the bonnet. Why does it only have five likes?
Starting point is 00:11:54 That's some fan put that. Oh, okay, this isn't like. No, that's actually a clip from the, from TBS's, what is that? That's stupid tournament alf show. You did Uncle Paul on TBS for a second. Yeah, he's in like a sketch with chip I see this please you have to go back a little bit. I figured it's oh chip is Yes, oh, yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:12:15 It was chip doing his prank show. No, I could see why you'd be embarrassed by this Miliating Yeah, someone made just a little best of video. It's very embarrassing. It's well, you know, it's so fucking funny, man. All these characters are funny. Do you think that it's the times we're in that this, if this was in the 90s, you think this would maybe pop off?
Starting point is 00:12:37 No. No, I think it's got a ceiling. A ceiling. Yeah, it's a specific taste for people uh... god he is so committed to it uh... story line it was uh... short stories uh... for short stories fun i always love a diary of a milf short stories that's red shoe diaries on hb o which is one of the things i
Starting point is 00:12:58 similar but hard this was hard core yet of course the one that i like the best mhm was the husband was hiding in the closet. Fun. They hired a guy to come over to fuck his wife. Okay. And all of a sudden the guy pulls up, but just before he pulled up,
Starting point is 00:13:21 the whatever, the six, like kind of flipped down or something happened the address changed okay so the guy was like there it is so he goes in to the wrong house well he goes into the house and he forcefully takes this woman oh for the money that her husband owed okay and it was a pretty holy god seen
Starting point is 00:13:43 she fought a little bit but then she gave in. Sure. And then, because she, her and her husband hired this guy. But I thought he went to the wrong address. Well, it turns out this guy who came in was, at the last scene was like, hello, what do you mean he can't find the house? Ah.
Starting point is 00:14:01 The guy they hired couldn't find the house because the number flipped. Ah. The guy they hired couldn't find the house because the number flipped. The guy that came in was a mob guy looking for the other address. But they didn't, so what, he just banged a lady in the house? He came in and he banged her. Get money? They didn't get the money because you got...
Starting point is 00:14:16 Guy goes in the river. You tell your husband next time it's gonna be his ass, I fuck. No, that's, that's pretty. That's what he says. If I'm the mafia boss, that guy's off the team. You didn't bring me back my money. Yeah. The same for you to get off the bus.
Starting point is 00:14:30 Unless you're the boss. Unless it was the boss doing it. But I don't, the boss doesn't do that. The boss doesn't come in and fuck it. No, he's got his, what are they called? Or the side pieces called? Lieutenant's? No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:14:41 The Guma's. Guma, he's got his Guma. Guma, yeah, but you come in and you bang. That's bad for business. Yeah, yeah, no, no, the guma's guma. He's got his guma. Guma. Yeah, but you come in and you bang has bad for business Yeah, yeah, listen hey the only woman that receives my seed is my fucking wife and the guma. She blows me But the guma gets to see it too. Yeah, she gets to see it in a mouth and then you kill it Yeah, they're moush spits it out like the majyo you make her spit no a dixie cup. You don't put that in your vagina I'm not having a half Russian half what are you out of your fucking Russian tits? Spit that in the sink like a dentist
Starting point is 00:15:13 Yeah, dude I cut that guy loose the sack. That was your favorite scene on the the second favorite scene on it was The the girl was home from school. How old are we talking? Oh, she's got to be The girl was home from school. How old are we talking here? Well, she's got to be 19-20. Okay. Yeah, she's not a, I'm not into kiddie stuff. Yeah. Thank God.
Starting point is 00:15:30 Because that would really damage this. No, 19-20. I don't know about the EP. I don't know what you guys are doing. Like a high school and a high school. That's still, let's just say early college. Yeah, college. Yeah, college.
Starting point is 00:15:41 You know what? College. First year college. Yeah. Community sophomore year, just to make sure we got some clearance soft. We are undergrad still she's still an undergrad She's sophomore college that's still fun about Catholic college So all right so anyways The boyfriend comes home. They live together. Well, no, no, no, the mother's boyfriend comes home. Oh, no, catch is her reading a
Starting point is 00:16:07 porno I'm like a like a Daniel Steele. She's checking out a penthouse The boyfriend the mother's boyfriend comes pretty hardcore stuff now Then the mother comes home and catches her boyfriend with her daughter What and the mother gets mad at the daughter and the boyfriend. Because you wanna do this, I'm gonna teach you how to do this. That's every scene of the past seven years. And then teaches the daughter how to do it.
Starting point is 00:16:34 Damn, you saw scenario before it went big. You understand? That red tape was like, that was like hipster band that no one knew, that premise of like mom walks in, girlfriend's fucking the like, how dare you, or a lot of times now it's the girl, the daughter and her boyfriend and then the mom comes in and like, let me show you how to suck a dick. Yeah, no, this was husband.
Starting point is 00:16:58 Like, this is, I've never seen anything like this back then. Yeah, and this is VHS. I mean, you got to rewind it. I mean, you gotta rewind it. I mean, you just do it. To understand the concept. You have to perfectly time your orgasm. Yeah, so those were the top two scenes. Top two.
Starting point is 00:17:14 What's your bottom scene? The one at the, where the guy comes in and he's at a hotel and the, the, the girls are staying there and he's like the manager of the hotel and they came in and they, they, they force him on the bed. That's fun. Man, they start sticking stuff in his butt. That's not fun. Humiliate them.
Starting point is 00:17:31 That's not fun. He takes it. That's not fun. Yeah, I didn't like that one. If you're in management, you gotta learn how to do that. So the better is him as a hotel manager. As hospitality. Yeah, he's like, oh, okay, yeah, sure.
Starting point is 00:17:42 Well, we can honor your help. Are you gonna leave me a five-star on travelosity? I don't think you should staple my P-hole shot, but that's your opinion as the guest, as the guest of our place. Do you remember, I mean, you're gonna have now or going to watch porn. So I'm almost done with it.
Starting point is 00:17:58 Yeah. It's so like, I mean, I've seen every... Damn, tired. Tired, tired. I'm searching for, I'm like. It's like, I'm... I'm tired, tired. I'm searching for... I'm like typing in, fucking, you know, a windy kidnapping... You like the kidnap?
Starting point is 00:18:11 No, you know, I'm trying to find some weird shit that I've never seen, like, done gambling. Sasquatch footage. Type in Sasquatch, can you type in Sasquatch see if any point comes up for that? I like to type in bare knuckle boxing big tits. Just see two fucking thick women exchanging. Typen, Typen, Typen Sasquatch porn.
Starting point is 00:18:33 Yeah dude, I bet there's a dude dressed like Sasquatch with a big old dog lying it to a lady. This poor girl is trying to give a blowjob and the hair keeps getting in her mouth. Excuse me, Mike Diamond? Director Mike Diamond? I don't think I can do this. But you don't watch porn that you live with a girl. Yeah, I live with my lady friend. So you can't really fuck her?
Starting point is 00:18:55 You have, I mean, is she ever not home where you can do it? Road, you just went to the road. You can't do it at home. I'm trying to do it as a joke right now, but it happened. What, you got caught? Yeah. Oh no. On a Bluetooth speaker.
Starting point is 00:19:08 No. Yeah, dude, we got, I got her a Bluetooth speaker for Christmas. Oh. And then we were both on it, and then it was like the beginning of the pandemic. And I fucking would put porn on my, I was in the, you know, where we recorded the guests, the podcast and stuff. And I was like, I watch porn in like weeks. Right.
Starting point is 00:19:26 I had to type in an old scene. Oh, no. And it was like, there wasn't any audio. Yeah. And I was like, where the fuck is that? Yeah, yeah. And she was in the shower listening to the speaker. And I didn't know that my phone was connected
Starting point is 00:19:40 and I was turning it up. And I was like, what the fuck? It's like, for wanting the scene, it's just like, ah, ah, ah, and I hear it through the wall and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, my heart was in my fucking throat. You know that feeling where you're like,
Starting point is 00:19:55 fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, and I turned it off and I said, fuck like a hundred times, it was like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And then I come out and she's like, you know how women drive their hair? That she comes out of the bathroom and she goes, I don't wanna talk about it.
Starting point is 00:20:08 And I was like, yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool. And then like a week later, I was like, I'm really sorry about that. She was like, that was fucking crazy. But there's how much I love Katie like a month ago. Because we were both like, one day that's gonna be very funny. Right. And then she walked out to the living room one day
Starting point is 00:20:24 and I was like, Stephen, she goes, it's time for you to tell that story on stage. Oh, no shit. Yeah, she was like, it was too funny. Yeah, it was poor. On, porn out of nowhere? It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it caught out and you just hear like oh yeah fucking yeah fucking me there is mighty nightly sass watch oh I want a lot more deal of rapin revenge beyond any woman's experience if you know John Carter and Judith Frankl I'm watching that
Starting point is 00:20:58 tonight I love do you watch a scene with Frank there's no scenes I don't know there's a bunch of joke things with an actual night with Sasuke. Is it a book or is it a movie? This is a book. I'm not reading porn. Wait, a couple wrote that book. That's so funny.
Starting point is 00:21:13 Oh, sorry, honey, I'm all hot at the time, right? Are you jumping? Then Sasuke raved to me. He goes, I heard. That's where you're going? I heard rocks being thrown into trees from the distance. It sounded like a moose. But there were no moose in the air. I heard sticks crack as into trees from the distance. It sounded like a moose, but there were no moose in the air.
Starting point is 00:21:25 I heard sticks crack as I bent down to pee. As I drank the cool water from the stream, I felt a large hairy hand in my back and instantly became aroused. It went up my sundress. And then he's just massaging her as she's riding it going, yes. It's very erotic. Oh god. It's very erotic, love her, dude.
Starting point is 00:21:43 I don't think fucking list is coming back. He's coming back. You want a bet on it? I how much you want to make a bet? One dollar. All right. I'll bet you one dollar. Says the EP doesn't come back. All right. He's coming back. You can't text them. What's that? Play it. This is Sasquatch porn. Oh, God. Yeah, dude. Oh, is this Sasquatch good for Sasquatch? Are you play this dude? Don't show it She could show it to me. What's the name of it? It's reality gang go look up missy woods bigfoot Can't what are you doing it? Can we watch it and we watch it? You keep it off screen?
Starting point is 00:22:30 What's it don't show it? We'll just if you want to watch it just type in missy woods missy woods and Sasquatch and Bigfoot do big foot takes on Bigfoot dude. I love it that takes on it. It's like a boxing match Hey, she's Missy woods and a super tight vagina versus half man Half beast God vagina versus half man half beast God Fucking not a little red corner. Oh my god. All right with this. Yeah, look at you. God. Hello. Is that a popsicle? Oh, why are they gonna make penises look like can we listen to it? Oh, she's running. Oh, she fell a meat. She's running No brawn. Oh, here we go. She's screaming mid 90s fucking fake tits. I'll tell you yeah. Oh, she's got
Starting point is 00:23:05 Dukes. She's running up a hill. She's running up a hill. This has got to be a lot of film a lot of fun to film not fun to fuck I bet She I bet she got her doing big comes big foot. That's big foot right now. How big do you think his dick is? Super big or do you think it's like I think he's like he's probably five eight Nobody you think his dick his dog's gonna be big. Oh, it dick better be big. Cause if you're bigfoot, up, here he comes. Basically, it's just a monk. They're playing it like a monkey. Yeah, why would you play this? For any Sasquatch enthusiast offensive.
Starting point is 00:23:33 He's not a fucking monkey. Oh, they scream. Yeah, he's come on. He's human. He's quite, yeah. He's the missing link. And how is he? How is he not catching her?
Starting point is 00:23:43 Oh, I don't know. He is such a longer gate than her. I feel like he does have closing speed. Oh, here she comes. Oh, here she comes. There she comes. Her nipples are rock hard. That, there she goes.
Starting point is 00:23:54 Into the rock quarry. That's where you're gonna do. Everyone knows Sasquatches move quick through rock. Yeah, this is actually rock. She got caught. Eyes over, big like a bear. Get big, miss. Get big. All right, here we go wait. What? She doesn't understand it. Oh, he's injured. Oh, he hurt his foot
Starting point is 00:24:12 I'm out. No, I'm I'm gonna do it. I'm out. No, no friends. No. Yeah, she's gonna suck his dick. No, dude I want to see how transitions Let her help her Give me my money. All right, take it. The E.P. is back. I do want to watch his Saskwatch form. Turn Joe's mic on. His mic's off.
Starting point is 00:24:33 Oh, here it goes. Oh, it's a thorn in the paw. I can't see either TV is so bright. All right, she just took a thorn out of his paw. We're wondering if he has a big dick to play Bigfoot. Hmm. Oh, she's going to start jerking them off. I know. I know how slow it's move. Chasing me like that.
Starting point is 00:24:53 Is your big tits? Because you're fat fucking titties. What do you think we're doing? I'm a, I'm a son squatch. I'm not a gay. You're sick. Yoda. I don't even know where I am. Oh, she's lost, dude. I don't know. He's trying not to talk. Dude.
Starting point is 00:25:11 I like old pussy finder. Look at that ad. Yeah, dude. 40 plus. My wife is an old pussy. Yeah, dude. That hurts. Oh, he's just cutting.
Starting point is 00:25:21 Oh, oh, it is. Oh, there roasted marshmallows. Would they get marshmallows? I don't know. Oh, do you have a girlfriend Oh, there roasted marshmallows. Would they get marshmallows? I don't know. So, do you have a girlfriend? Damn, she's already horny for Bigfoot. She's a roast of the Mollos, and then she's ready to suck off Bigfoot.
Starting point is 00:25:34 That's why I was up here all alone, trying to clear my head. In full makeup? Do you want my girls around here? We're the woods, you stupid bitch. Why is Bigfoot only the same size as her by the way bigfoot's lucky He can't talk because you just be like you're an idiot. I don't know fucking I think that's Mike sure as Dude with without a baseball hat mush. Were you in a fucking Bigfoot porn? Here comes you see it Joe
Starting point is 00:25:59 Can you fast forward Fucking son. Oh, that's Bigfoot damn way home. Go back to he pulls it out cuz it's gotta be like you are big foot Yeah, dude, it's gotta be so hard to get hard in the Sasquatch Here comes Pull it. Pull it out, big foot. Pull that dong. Pull that dong. Pull that dong.
Starting point is 00:26:29 Pull that dong. Here she goes. Oh my god. Damn. Oh my god. Bigfoot's got big dicks. That is huge. How come, it's so noticeable that they're not cooking the marshmallows.
Starting point is 00:26:46 Yeah, I was producing this. That's those bug minutes. You're an idiot. What would you do? How would you do that? Damn, dude. If you need a heat source, my career might do the trick. Wow.
Starting point is 00:26:56 You're Joe and Fuego live. Oh, you won 50 bucks. No, we didn't win. Stop it. We already did it. We didn't win. The coin doesn't, the, the win. Where's the coin? Give me that. This already did it. We didn't win. The coin, where's the coin? Where's the coin?
Starting point is 00:27:06 Give me that. Give me the coin. Give me the coin. Give me the coin. Give me the coin. Give it to us. If you're lying, your career goes in the twos. Hold on one second.
Starting point is 00:27:15 We're in a price. Yeah. Let me see. I think we're in a price. You should reveal. You won 50 bucks. Let me see it. Let me see it.
Starting point is 00:27:23 I should get it. Let me see it though. I should get this money. Lie it. This is see it. I should get let me see it. I should get money. Lying. This is a few other. I will bet you if you're all is no I'll bet you 25 I'll split it with you. Let me hold it if it's if it's I will split it with you. Let me hold it real quick. If you're not lying I'm gonna check this nothing. We're gonna throw them all you fucking pot at this is the thing This is the problem you mean the mistake you made what oh my god from New England New England is don't know scratch Non-New England is don't know scratch tickets. There is that mean We're too busy settling the West we care about scratch tickets. We live as we're in staunched in scratch ticket right He's from Colorado. They put just got scratching. It's two years ago. It's not a reading. He's a moron
Starting point is 00:27:57 Let me see let me see 50 bucks. Let me see pretty bucks He's a fucking you're a fucking you're a fucking asshole. He's from Colorado. Never do anything with you No, no more Jackpot no sir No sir, let me see he's acting he's acting now. Hey, let me see hang on you fucking pot. No, I'm not gonna see it It's a $50 winner 50 baby. I would oh my god. Why'd you pull him a shit up Joe? You're 25% of it. I want to I don't think you would. Why'd you pull him a shit up, Joe? You're 80. What's 25% of 50? I wanna know what you're not getting.
Starting point is 00:28:29 Oh my God, now you're not getting any of that. Joe, I'll split it with a 20. I get like 12.50. Can I get 20? No, I'm not getting any of anything. We were gonna throw it out. I was gonna take it. I know you weren't.
Starting point is 00:28:40 I didn't know. It was gonna be tossed. I was looking at numbers. Oh God. I was a camp I lived with a foster father after I got a rehab. Blasadoo. Really? Yeah, I could. When I got a rehab I was 17 No, 16 some 16 and a half maybe 16 and I went back home, but my mother was still dealing with me like I was a Little fucking juvenile punk alcohol drug addict
Starting point is 00:29:06 and I couldn't live with her anymore, it was just too much. We were fighting too much, so I went, I had a, my outreach council was this guy Ken Lass and he had foster kids. So he said, come live with me, the state will pay you as a, me as a foster kid for you.
Starting point is 00:29:22 And I lived with him in Winthrop for three years. And one summer, I think it was the year before I left, he came to me and said, listen, you gotta find a place to live for the summer. I think it was 17 or 18. And I'm like, he's like, I just, I go out, I'm a member of Camp PowerCrest. A lot of Jewish kids go to camp every summer.
Starting point is 00:29:43 Sleep away camp. I'm Catholic, we don't do that. You go to camp for the day and you go home. And Jewish kids go away. They owe you guys what a way. Yeah, they went away for the two months. Yeah, fine. I mean, their parents just said, go fuck yourself. Totally, they leave with their girls up here, they come down.
Starting point is 00:29:57 It's nuts to me. Yeah. I love my kid. I could never send Max away for two months. It's such a fucking weird, evil tradition to me. Yeah, even boarding school kids, like I would compete against speech debate. Parents would send their kids away forever.
Starting point is 00:30:13 I don't understand that. They would only see them in the summertime. Yeah, I love, if Max was away for the summer, I would fucking kill myself. I wouldn't be able to do it. And, but anyways, he goes, you can either work there or you get a good place to live. So I said, what's the highest paying job?
Starting point is 00:30:30 And he said, lifeguard. So I went and I got my lifeguard. I literally made it by a second. I took, I went. Anyway, he was like literally two, one. And I was like, all right, you're a gift for a lifeguard. And they gave me, so I went to camp out of the press. I lived in the game.
Starting point is 00:30:49 He was one of the kids. Shut up. That is such a small world. That is nuts. And I guess I didn't know that I was known. Oh my God. Because back then I was sober, but I was, I was, I'm very glad that I became chubby though. Because if I stayed that good looking. He was an adonist. You were about to say I was I was I was I'm very glad that I became chubby though because if I stayed that good looking
Starting point is 00:31:07 He was an adonis. You're about to say I was gorgeous. He was he had ribs. He had I believe I've seen Like a hair bring him up, but I've seen him. I believe you I'm not negating it. I mean don't say that word He was better looking than Jane. Yeah, okay. Okay. Yes. Yes. Yes But he found this local woman that like to give hand jobs. Shut up. Yes. And you found her after, it was my left. She was still giving the camp counter hand jobs.
Starting point is 00:31:36 I was on a canoe and I went out and I found the red head. It's always a red head too, by the way. Shannon, she's legendary at our camp. She did a full strip tease down in the boat house with a with a boom box and a and a Shannon sounds like a good out there. Yeah, she sounds like a good tell. That's me a camp hour Chris. No, it is. Yeah, that's me a camp hour crest. That's lifeguard. That's a lifeguard. Wow. He's still he had a you know what dude. look at that funny that body's under there babe I mean listen to me that's me and Juve Hall
Starting point is 00:32:08 Nice look at you yet you kind of you dressed like my dad used to dress yeah, I mean I those are I didn't have clothes They gave those to me. Okay, this was Indian. I grew up in darkness. This is Indian casino Bob and high school I'll get you all these photos after the good. You got any Alan the monkeys. I got fucking true Bob Kelly. Oh there he is. It's transitioning Bob. 100% and this is me my ass to make you sang it out. You have Kenny Rodgerson in that one. But so I go to this camp. I'm the only Catholic guy there. There's two, maybe two other Catholic kids. And this is tradition.
Starting point is 00:32:48 These kids, these counselors, they went from little kids to counselor, you know, just circle of life. Oh yeah, it's a community, it's a whole, yeah. And I didn't understand it. I just got out of rehab. Right, what are these kids doing? You guys sing songs, right?
Starting point is 00:33:02 What do you even do all day? They're just two orbs and cramps. That was a sports camp. That was a sports camp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was very jockey. Okay, okay. And I remember, I used to take, I had the little kids.
Starting point is 00:33:12 Remember there was a little kid that kind of like, he was built like you too. Yeah. For some reason, this little kid was like, like a guy. And they called him Minimba. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it.
Starting point is 00:33:22 So I'm at this camp and I'm like, I'm just out of Juve a couple years rehab. You know, I'm, you're the bad boy lifeguard on. Oh, yeah. I love the jacket. Oh, wow. The summertime. But it was all boys.
Starting point is 00:33:34 So that's why you find it. That's Chin Chan and he found. Yeah, I don't know if you know this. So I had a 67 Chevy Impala. And he's gay. And that's a great car. That was a Ford one. Maybe you know, this is gay. Two that's a great car. That was a Florida maybe. Maybe you're right.
Starting point is 00:33:46 That is gay. Tudor would have been fucking me. But I don't know if you know this, but I had a collection of sunglasses back then from, you know, not just gas station sunglasses. I would go and get different sunglasses and I had a cassette briefcase and I ripped the cassettes out and I put my sunglasses in and I wrote shades.
Starting point is 00:34:06 I gave myself a nickname. My fans though. I gave myself the nickname and shades Kelly. Every morning I would wake up and I would open up my briefcase and go through and pick out a, yeah, you can see in the photo. With gas station pair of sunglasses. Yeah, that's one of my shades Kelly. That's shades Kelly.
Starting point is 00:34:32 Those are women's for sure. I remember. I would have I would go in there and the other little kids would come over. What are you wearing today shades? No. And I swear to God it was the oh I'm getting dude look at my, look at my, look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me.
Starting point is 00:34:47 Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me.
Starting point is 00:34:55 Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me.
Starting point is 00:35:03 Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. Look at my oms, it's killing me. her. Late night after work I got her to go into the photography. The photographer was from London and he had this curly hair and he was like, hey, hey, Bobby. And I was like, do that. I met this chick and I used your photography law. And he's like, yeah, so she came in and she could have a shack. She stripped for us and moved his jerking off. And then- You worked at Dunkin' Donuts. Oh, so she was rich. And one time people went in and she had a soft cast on,
Starting point is 00:35:31 if she had Carpool from the dirt. From giving everybody a lot of many hand-gums. Well, I took her down to the boat house one night and I got someone go to radio. Yes, so I hit- So I had like five or six Jewish counselors and she came in and I hit the music and they're like No, but she did a bigger show you got yeah, she did a bend
Starting point is 00:35:52 She did a that's when we were like I was 15. Oh, so that was just a pretty and I got in You were there with me though. Where are you? No? No? No? I got caught Oh, that was the next year so me and my count roommate, Councillor, who was a shredded guy, Dave, red head, played water polo for Harvard. Oh, Mandela, yeah. Okay, Dave Mandela. Yeah. Fucking guy was shredded.
Starting point is 00:36:15 I mean, he was in, so I- Sounds like Frances Ellis. We bonded in the photography thing that night with her dancing. And we're sitting there cranking it out and all of a sudden my foster dad, Laz comes in, what is going on here? Oh my God. Where did he come from? He, someone ratted us out.
Starting point is 00:36:32 What? So he came in and she had to put her titties back and we had to put our dicks away and he didn't talk to me for the rest. I, he didn't talk to me for the summer anyways. Yeah. We had a big f falling out because of that. Because he was my foster dad,
Starting point is 00:36:48 but he felt guilty having me there, and he didn't want to show favoritism, so he just didn't talk to me for the summer. It treated me like anybody else. But worse actually, I'm not a rehab, I got a year and a half. I'm fucking go a mental. I'm losing my mind. I wish I could find the diarrhea. I'm fucking go a mental. I'm losing my mind.
Starting point is 00:37:05 I wish I could find the diarrhea. I had to get a diary. And I just rode in this diary. I wound up putting blankets all around my bed and made a tent, because I was isolating. I was in a deep dark depression. I can't power up this. Because the only man that really cared about me
Starting point is 00:37:21 just stopped caring about me in front of all these friends that I didn't know. And then I got caught with that and they brought us all out on the lawn. No, humiliation. Oh humiliation. Humiliation. And I got big fucking trouble for that.
Starting point is 00:37:39 Brudal. Yeah, I was scary. One really guy should have been like, would stop. Yeah, we're drinking up at this time. He was legendary. He was legendary. Oh, it was. Oh, the tradition. It was. Oh, the tradition. It went on years after I started something. It's not good. It's not good. It's not good. Yeah, so that party poop of laska kicked out of the director's business and when a new guy was like
Starting point is 00:37:57 got I was like a counselor in training like a year. C.I.T. Yeah, I must have been 15 or 16. She came 16 and my job like was to go find her because it was too star by the way it was a map I know I left a map it was a map with a call it must there and I just I found her on the back road and I was like it's Just, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, she was just in the sex. Maybe she was a superhero. And she's like, oh, my wrists were twitching. There are people that found her on Facebook. Really? Like a few years ago, yeah. Well, I mean, I hope.
Starting point is 00:38:51 That was still not in that way. Just like, hey, what's up? Relax. But she was, she was really cool. Yeah. Really nice. Like, because the next day you'd see, she'd be like, hey, Bobby, what's going on?
Starting point is 00:39:04 See you, see you later, no? I love it. Yeah, Ken, the party, Pooper. But we were, I was a council there a long time. So I come years later, and this clock seconds here at the seller. But I was doing comedy in Boston. He had gone when I started,
Starting point is 00:39:21 but all my friends from camp were still coming to my shows when I started. and his face would be like on the Dictority vault, they're like, is that our Bobby Kelly doing? Yeah, I know, I'm gonna go crazy. It was a song you get sang before breakfast every day. B, A, U, ERC, R, S, T, B, World Christ, W, R, R, C, W, Z, T, B, Fair, it's still a ball of beer vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a ver, vamos a en medianas al omicidio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? Tres por uno, tres por uno.
Starting point is 00:40:07 Ah, no, no, no. ¡Dominos! Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fui, parás! Vuelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. ¿Qué es verdad sobre tú y Bobby se me me metan?
Starting point is 00:40:32 Bobby crea sus oportunidades. Todo Bobby crea que todo lo que crea es que todo lo que crea. Sí. Pretty much todo lo que crea. Cuando crees sus oportunidades, ¿no se puede realmente dejar de dejar de dejar de dejar? Pretty much everything I do I create so when you create your own opportunities No one can really hurt you. I'd love other opportunities, but no one wants to Don't about that is that you can't want to create an opportunity for me I thought the funny guy was gonna have a good career like I thought you could plug me in with like I'm the guy at the fire station who can't
Starting point is 00:41:05 fit down to Paul or, you know, you know, I, you give me a fat wife and Nebraska watches us every Wednesday. But apparently that's not the game. Why do, uh, I'm a lady, skip around with children. Anyway, why don't you, why don't you make a movie like the John Pinetch story or something with the last scene where he's on the plane when he was told not to fly. And then he stands up after a seven hour flight and that's it. That's literally what happened.
Starting point is 00:41:35 I knew his opener. Who's now, you know, eating his own shoes. Get a get Bonnie. She could show right a movie or a TV show around you and I promise you it'll be good. Well, She could show right a movie or TV show around you and I promise you it'll be good Self into Tim's fame No, I'm getting fucking sick of your ass kids. It's boss you come in here and you're middle-aged that sucking Dylan's ass I Did it like the Austin me Joe doesn't want you there if I was I'm happening even the fucking even the fucking producer
Starting point is 00:42:13 Let me take it not having to move to North Carolina and I'm gonna follow him I'm you know what I'm gonna follow you. I'm fine. You know what? I'm gonna follow shulks wherever he goes. You can put in my enemy. Go to my enemy. You'll fit right in at the retirement home. All right? You can't go to the beach because you'll get hard-puned. I'll go to you. Really? You just go right to the fat joke. I hope you're fucking into that nice thing to you. Tell me why not. I should come in and eat your own stuff. I'm sick of you kissing Tim's ass. It's not going to happen. I can't take it.
Starting point is 00:42:51 Tim's taking anybody's taking me. OK. Listen, tell Bonnie she doesn't have to write anything new. Me and Jessica Kerson have had the same life. Yes. And if Tim takes you, Bob, you're going to have to fucking fly cargo both of you. First of all, I'll have a daughter with a heart problem. It doesn't matter. If Kim takes you Bobby you're gonna have to fucking fly cargo both you
Starting point is 00:43:08 I'll have a daughter with a heart problem. It doesn't I Have a medical issue. Let's be honest Whatever comes out of anything It'll be a but high diabetes or I don't know whatever comes out of anything, it'll be a but high diabetes, so I don't know, but it's gonna be a problem. Certainly a couple of rashes. I think this is, I don't kiss ass. That's my problem in this business. That's not your problem. You do kiss that. Never. Tim, let me tell you something. Voss is the fucking worst. He's just a nice, funny guy.
Starting point is 00:43:47 Somebody who's got a little heat, he fucking wants to latch. And now, I think the point of me is, I don't even know who he is. There's no heat. Let me try to latch his wife onto that person. You're right, I'm gonna send Bonnie over. I wanna play golf. Let fucking Bonnie do the writing.
Starting point is 00:44:03 I do love Bonnie. I tell you, Bonnie is one of the top three things I miss about New York the big Sam and white fish-dalleted sails and The chicken parma quality Italian and then Bonnie because I really did this Where's the chicken pump place again quality Italian 57 and sex. It's the one that's been pizza. Oh my God. Okay.
Starting point is 00:44:27 That's the one thing. If, first of all, if Tim ever did take one of us, he's gonna take me because we can have lunch at least and enjoy ourselves, all right. Yeah. What are you gonna have a salad and take a walk? Shut up. You have the heat of an igloo.
Starting point is 00:44:39 First of all, I fucking don't fail on stage, all right? I fail. I know, but I'm a no fail act. I'm never fail. I'm not. You're on it. You're on it. You're on it for the vocabulary. I've seen you fail on our fucking tour. Never once. One time. No. I had some lady walk out because I offended her. You were racist. I wasn't racist. You were racist. You did 10 minutes of racist.
Starting point is 00:45:09 No, I said, I said, my daughter lives, is married a black guy. So I heard due to family. That's what I said. That's so funny. That's so funny. And now it's like, if you say that, they'll try to make you into like a mass murder.
Starting point is 00:45:27 If you say that joke, it's hilarious. The black people, the black people love. Listen, the other night I said, I went to a BLM mark. Yeah. I go, I went to sell wings, but the black people fucking the white people are the ones that fucking ruin it for everybody. It's white women. It's white women. It is white women. That is a good point.
Starting point is 00:45:52 They say, right, what I would say in this a couple of weeks ago when I got shit is I was saying that white women are the the hecklers. They're the ones that usually are yelling shit out of talking or on the phone during a show. I said 95% of the people that cause trouble at comedy shows is usually some white chick. Whether it be a young hot chick or a a fucking middle-aged chick who got divorced and you know got some issues with men. It's never a black dude. It's very rarely a guy and it's never ugly people. When I do my show at the pussy cat back a year and a half ago, I did a Tuesday show every week, I told the people, the managers, everybody up front has to be me or uglier.
Starting point is 00:46:40 That's it. That's the real me or uglier up front. Hot people all get the back row. I don't want hot. I do not want chits in the front row. Get the fuck out of here because they got to make it about them. Yes, this fucking lady I was going to outside show she wouldn't shut the fuck up. I said, you know, on the p I go, can you stop people? You know, I go I go, you're gonna have you're gonna have to leave because goes, I like to see you make me leave. I go, that's true. I don't have a fork lift. And then you fucking left because I attacked her, fucking disgustingness.
Starting point is 00:47:14 It's always the hot girls too, that fucking want that attention. Why is that though? Why is, why the hot girls? Because, I mean, you're gorgeous. You get the bang. You get guys buying you shit. There's so much of those that are hot girls because I mean you're gorgeous. You get the bang. You get guys buying you shit. There's so much that everybody wants what they can't have. Those girls are, you
Starting point is 00:47:32 know, they're hot, but they want to be known for other things like the worst things in the world are rich people who pretend to be poor and hot people who pretend they have something to say. Yes. and hot people who pretend they have something to say. Yes, I was the worst too. Also too, the hot people have, have always had the attention on them, but when you're on stage, the focus is on you and they can't handle
Starting point is 00:47:54 not having that attention. It's pure fucking narcissism and fuck them, all right? I'll, hang on one second. Hey, mush, put Tom McLaughlin in time out for five minutes. He used an emoji just an emoji. I don't like that. What is he doing? What is this guy doing? I just I'm just I don't he wants the bus balls. So I want a bus balls back have a little fun Put him in timeout again. Goodbye. Gc. You want a bus balls back? What are you my uncle? Jesus? Bus balls. Oh, you stink. Are you talking to me?
Starting point is 00:48:30 Are you talking to me? What is this good fellas? Are you talking? You know what? Fucking kick Vos out too. I like him. Get him out. Did you check him out? Did you see special victims?
Starting point is 00:48:43 No, don't bring up fucking fun facts, Coxaka. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha I'm sorry. How do you like Austin? The city is a dump and it's shit and it's full of blue hair people. But the surrounding area is nice. Like the air, I'm 30 minutes out. It's nice. But the city of Austin itself is always sucked. They think they're cool. They're not. The audiences are cool kids.
Starting point is 00:49:23 They all work in tech. They've all got a lot of money. They suck. But I mean, the outskirts are nice, and it's a lot less money to live here in terms of taxes in New York and LA. And Joe's opening a club, and we hope that that should be really cool.
Starting point is 00:49:42 And we hope that good things happen. When he opens his club, what if he asks you to send a tape, would you be pissed off? No, because at the end of the day, it's like he's done enough for me that, whenever he decides to stop doing, I will go, that's fine. So Tim, if Ryan resulpened a club somewhere, would you follow him?
Starting point is 00:50:03 Oh, there's a big difference between both of those guys. If you go go to him, you go to him is actually a, you can actually go to Forbes, you don't have to Google them. I want to tell all the fans that, good Gabby's going to be not on Waikid W. D anymore. She's moving on. She's got a, you know, she's, I love Gabby. She's my favorite. I love her.
Starting point is 00:50:30 She was great. She booked the show for a long time. She helped produce the show for many years. And she's got a lot of stuff going on. She's wanted Emmy. She's making documentaries. She's got a pilot. So, and of course, we got new Nikki.
Starting point is 00:50:46 New Nikki is the producer of the wicket who is fucking kick ass. But I, you know, I really love Gabby and all she did, but she's got a lot of stuff going on right now. So, what's that? I don't know. What is that? Who is that? All girls check, I have no idea.
Starting point is 00:51:04 Fuck people are knocking. What the fuck is... what is that? Gabby. Gabby. Oh shit. What are you doing? Hi, Gabby. Gabby. I was just... can I say Gabby? You look incredible. Well, this is... I'm so sorry Gabby, that... Gabby, this is the most I've ever been a track. I don't want to get... This seems like a moment for you two,
Starting point is 00:51:32 but I just need to say this. This is the most I've ever been attracted to Gabby in my entire life. I don't know what it is. There's some kind of genocent qual about you right now, Gab. And I'm going to try and keep it professional, because we are co-workers. Yeah. some kind of genocent qual about you right now, Gab. And I'm gonna try and keep it professional because we are co-workers. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:47 But please, and to complete respect to the podcast, but if I, Bobby just said how busy you are, if you have time for like a dinner or a coffee or something, you wanna like hang out, let me know. And for that, I'll take my leave, but really, you're ravishing. You're filling that top out better than I've ever seen you did in my life.
Starting point is 00:52:06 I'm better than you, Stavros. Oh, okay. You know what, I kind of like being domed by you too. I'm gonna be honest with you, it's really working for me right now. Two years on the market. Do you need money? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:15 Do you need what's your Venmo? I don't need anything. Okay, great. I have 13.4 K Instagram subscribers. And I'm just here. Wow, they're subscribing. Can you talk into the mic though? Yeah, you bring his mic up a little bit because she's, I mean she, she, I'm sorry that you're leaving the show. I'm just better than everybody, Bobby. Well,
Starting point is 00:52:38 I mean, I don't know. Well, I mean, that's look, I've read the comments. That's a character choice. What do you mean you're better than everybody? I've read a lot of negative comments, I'm just not gonna take it anymore. I'm moving on. Well, what would the comments say? They say I'm not funny. Yeah, they say I chime in too much, right?
Starting point is 00:52:58 Or they say I don't chime in and off. Don't bitch. Oh, that was me after the show. I just can't satisfy anybody. So I'm moving on. I feel the same way. I honestly think you could probably satisfy me the way you look right now.
Starting point is 00:53:11 There's something about you. Something about you. What? She looked like the Greek guy. Hahaha. Yeah, that's what you started you on. Yeah, she looks like every girl that ran her father's restaurant in my neighborhood that I jacked off
Starting point is 00:53:23 to at Greek school. Hahaha. The same, the same five o'clock shadow is my first crush yeah sideburns long sideburns on a woman so I'm so I'm sorry to overstep i'm being so horny plea you to have something to work out here it seems like uh... uh... he looked great uh... handsel and grotto would have been fucked if you're the witch bomb there's no way you're letting those little
Starting point is 00:54:00 mother fuckers get away you're having your having to handle souffle quick. We're having bulgogi handsel later on later tonight if you're the witch. Yeah. No problem. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:15 Yeah. Yeah. There's no way. You're eating the bread crumbs that they left. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:24 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,
Starting point is 00:54:31 I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,
Starting point is 00:54:37 I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,
Starting point is 00:54:44 I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I mean, you got it. Yes, Bobby. I just heard pharamones are really doing it for me. I don't even have to look at it or just, I guess it's all over. I mean, if you do, you want to date get out of shape. Yeah. Are you available? What's up? Are you single right now, Gab?
Starting point is 00:54:54 I'm single. Molly's single. You're always single? Is that a choice on your end? I thought you had a boyfriend. I can date whoever I want. Wow. You hear that, Bob?
Starting point is 00:55:02 Yeah. How you doing? Are you looking for some side dick perhaps? Side dick, front dick, back dick. Really? Back dick. Back dick. What's back dick?
Starting point is 00:55:14 It comes from behind. Oh, behind dick. You mean in the ass? I think back to be like to be fucked in your fucking you know, you're spine. Yeah, maybe. You like, oh. If that's what you know, you're spying. Yeah, maybe. If that's what you need, I'll go in between your, your, your,
Starting point is 00:55:28 your vertebrae. Yeah, yeah. You showed the blade, fucker. Whatever you need. I mean, it's not funny. If you, I'm surprised they haven't invented a new, a vertebrae job.
Starting point is 00:55:39 Well, I, I, I've done, I've, I've eaten armpit. Mm-hmm, sure. Pussy and finger-banged. You finger-b've eaten armpit, like pussy and finger banged. You finger banged an armpit. No, so you finger banged. Yes. And then you eat the armpit like a pussy. I love that.
Starting point is 00:55:54 And that was weird, but it really got the girl off. And here's the thing. Is that a thing? It wasn't me, it was her thing. Of course, of course. That was like I invented that. I'd love to take full credit for that. If you're the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've been studying the Arachina zones and you used the armpit that did it, of course. I was like, I invented that. I would love to take full credit for that. If you're the A, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:05 You've been studying the Erogynous zones and you've used the armpit that did it, but no. You had some very specific instructions you followed, if you could. Yes, I had very, very exact. I mean, I would wonder if there's, if you could, I had a girl one time just, we can have sex, but just in my butt cheeks. Cheeks? A cheek job.
Starting point is 00:56:24 Yeah, she told me she put cream in her cheeks. And I could, was she Mormon? Was someone, you don't put your dick in her butt cheek because you wanted to jump on the bed. No, she got it out. She had a very good booty. You know, so I put the cream in her,
Starting point is 00:56:41 she did it, she put cream, she literally reached her out and she said just fuck my cheeks. Interesting. And she did it, she put cream. She literally reached her out and she said, just fuck my cheeks. Interesting. And I did that and it was phenomenal. You remember, too. I was banging during AIDS. Sure. So this was nice.
Starting point is 00:56:55 This is, there was a, there was a, Yeah, pregnancies. Regancies. All that shape. A piece of mind to know a penetration. Before Plan B, we had to, you had to pay like 600 to get rid of it. Oh, dude, you fucked after AIDS before Plan B.
Starting point is 00:57:08 One of the worst times to be a slut. Wow, dude, that's fucking impressive, honestly. I'm gonna take my cap to you. As I knew you were a compulsive sex haver. And you did it in the most dangerous inconvenient time. I did the Vietnam most fucking being a slut. Absolutely. Oh, I got it easy.
Starting point is 00:57:28 I'm desert storm being a slut. I'm drone-slutting right now. There's no fucking danger for me. I'm sitting somewhere. There's nothing. I'll never, I never want to ever get pregnant. I've never had a disease. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:40 I've been eligible, but I'm just in love. We used to get crabs and throw them on each other. I was just fucking, dude. Stop, stop stop. Ah fuck you. It's just crap. Yeah, yeah, crabs was nothing He he no nothing. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. I don't know what I would do Yeah, I remember so when you could do something sexually that was a little different. We didn't know where I mean You you'd go home the next day be like man. I know she has a You'd go home the next day be like man, I know she has AIDS Yeah, yeah, there's no way armpits is where she started
Starting point is 00:58:14 She's not that's not at the top of her list She just pussy an asshole was out of the commission. So she's just like go ahead and just finger pop me Where are these gloves by the? Where are these yellow dishwasher's gloves? Why do you do it? It's definitely somebody with AIDS. Hey, can you fuck my armpit? What do you think about that, Gabs? Yeah, yeah. I'm done. Are you interested in getting an armpit job? What cream will we use? What does that mean? What you said you fucked her ass with the cream?
Starting point is 00:58:43 Yeah, what is it? What do you mean? Pool whip. No, it was a cream like a sex cream lotion of some lotion. Okay. Yeah, nothing from the refrigerator. Well, I think she's calling you fat Bob. Oh, I thought why would you fat shame me in them? That's not like you. Was it?
Starting point is 00:59:02 She's new. She's getting improved. Keep doing it. Keep going. I can hear you. I got it. There's new she's giving improved keep doing it Keep going back in here There's something in the head you know what maybe these new producers not that good some It's not me do a kitty cat. Yeah I can hit you Stop that actually does I don't know why you the cutest little chubby cat and I've ever seen oh my god Thank you so much
Starting point is 00:59:23 Why are you sitting over there? Why was I supposed to sit there? Yes. No, that's good. Yeah. What's up with all the sexual tension? You guys immediately start talking about old beages? Well, two of the best sets of lips in the business.
Starting point is 00:59:38 Man, it is true. I have got a lips in low. You don't know. No, no, no. No, Bobby's are better. I have a lips in you. I have a heart. We already settled it.
Starting point is 00:59:44 I have way better lips than you do. I have a whole lot of the ladies in the crowd. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, If I win, you have to kiss my dead toenail. What if Lewis wins? What if you, if I win, you have to kiss my dead toenail. Absolutely. And I have to. Do we all have dead toenails? No, I'm not dead toenails. Hey, I'm just going to throw this out there, Jill. I don't know if you have a dead one, but I have one I can toss into the pot.
Starting point is 01:00:22 All my toenails are alive. Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah. Dude, I want to put some of these hobbit feet in there. Oh my god, dude. Samurai is ganging up in the bathroom. Why the fuck? God.
Starting point is 01:00:34 Check him for a ring. Yeah. The wire oldest toes are weird legs. Look, they're hypnotizing you. You have a fucking monkey foot. Yeah, dude, I could pick up this water. Oh, no. This is appalling.
Starting point is 01:00:50 Look at that toe. Look at that one. Like, you can see. Let me see. Let me see. That's what he's going to have to kick. You promise you, no, look at this. You can't really see it.
Starting point is 01:00:57 Look at the brown, and then it goes to black. Bobby, that's what he's going to say. Please don't pop your hip out. Look at that. Look at that one. Oh, it's like, oh, great. Look at that. Look at that one. Oh, it's like three. Look at that. It's like, we're going to fuck a grind.
Starting point is 01:01:08 Mine's dead on the outside and then in the middle it dies again. How do we judge who has the most sensual lips? I have to be the one. I see the women in the crowd by the way. I do like you should have to kiss the stomach of a fan. No. I say I say I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think Oh yeah, you're the kiss side me. No. We got to dry off first. All right, you guys pick. You guys pick. We can pick who you're going to kiss.
Starting point is 01:01:47 Yes. Raise your hand if you want to be tested on by these women. We got one right there. We got a woman, and it's all guys. Yeah. Oh no, you have to pick a dude. No, pick this hot old lady. No.
Starting point is 01:02:01 All right, look at this fucking coug in the front row. She's not old at all. She's like 28 years old. I will let the fans feel them with their fingers. I don't want to let them. It's a fucking pandemic. You need my lips with your fingers. I'm not letting your fans touch my lips.
Starting point is 01:02:21 Why don't you like the black kid and hook? Yeah. Like there you are, Peter. Group, uh-huh, that kid. Yeah, two. Your lips are the best. I talk about your lips every night before I go to bed. I have good lips.
Starting point is 01:02:37 Great lips. No, I don't buy a round of applause. The women should decide who has better lips. We do a lip model off. Okay, let's go. Let's go. Gang of women in the front. Yeah, okay.
Starting point is 01:02:46 You look at these fucking sluts. Hell yeah. I mean, I don't think they're sluts. I think they're fine young women that know what good lips look like. They're volunteers at a local hospital. These fucking pigs, no way. Those are pigs. They're fucking Puerto Ricans, or do they not put a riggins in?
Starting point is 01:03:01 They don't have Puerto Ricans in fucking use, then they're Mexicans. No, first of all, nobody is from Texas. Everyone flew to be here. Woo! Where are you from? Los Angeles, they're from Mexico. Are you Puerto Ricans? What are you?
Starting point is 01:03:15 They're from Mexico. You're Mexican. Exactly. You can tell she's Mexican. You guys came from LA, where'd you guys come from? Say, I'm talking about the band. I'm a refugee ship. I was so fast. To like California like
Starting point is 01:03:26 New Jersey move on. He's called the Swats ass hole. I'm a fucking Stab you. Bigs. We're part of New Jersey. I live right near New Brunswick. Oh I'm gonna fucking try to fuck these shit. Yeah. Did you just realize that everything you were saying was being recorded and you were on stage? And your girlfriend is right over there. One of them is right over there. She's right there. No, she's damn.
Starting point is 01:03:59 Alright, so we're gonna do round of applause from the four women in the audience. Five. Really? Are you in sweetie? Yeah, could you be a little more enthusiastic? So I said we do a lip model off. The straight out, you fuck as your lip model. Yeah, but what does that consist of?
Starting point is 01:04:16 You pose like you're going to be able to do lip poses. I always try to do lip poses as they speak the whole time. I just noticed that. You. You're looking at me. So what you're saying? He's giving you full LL Cool J video. Yo, I put my jacket over a puddle.
Starting point is 01:04:32 So, but how are they going to know? Shouldn't we kiss him on the lips? I mean, not on the lips, on the cheek. I'm the pussy. No. We kiss your pussy. His lady is good up here. I'm not kissing. Come on LL. I'm not I'm not I'm not
Starting point is 01:04:46 kissing you brunswick pussy okay. Not okay. Ruggers pussy. I'm not saying thanks. I say we have to kiss them on the cheek and let them feel the softness because your lips aren't as soft as mine. There's a lady in this room that can take down this entire festival. I don't feel turned up. I will say that there's probably a non-measurable amount of difference in softness between our lips. Inmeasurable. Non-measurable. Your lips are thick.
Starting point is 01:05:25 You got like thick ones. Thick, Puerto Rican. Look at all the ladies getting wet as you see. They're plump. They're fucking, dude, look at the buns, look they're sliding out of their chair right now. Your lips aren't good, man. Your bottom lip is too big.
Starting point is 01:05:38 Yes, fat. Your bottom stomach is too big. Whoa! Yeah, but the top one's just right. Can I get a Makers on the rocks from the green room? I wish I didn't have a top stomach. From the green room, a Makers on the rocks, somebody on my staff. How about this painting? That's insane. Yeah, he's probably... He's been in Kingpin.
Starting point is 01:06:07 Could you look like Deathstroke? You know you can make me a little thinner, right? You don't have to do fucking real life. No, Bobby, Bobby, the paint adds ten pounds. You got to use some paint thinner. Let's good. Thanks guys. Maybe I'll have a cigar and celebrate.
Starting point is 01:06:38 Yeah, I want a cigar too. Yeah, give him a little more time. Yeah! A cigar for the end. Yeah, big time. That was really scary. Did anybody notice? I think Dan's in a abusive relationship.
Starting point is 01:06:50 Lewis went to high five. Dan went like this. But you know, Lewis, you know, the guy that shadow boxes an inch from your face all the time, you tend to flinch. Can I tell Lewis's story? Lewis and I work out at the same MMA gym. And thank you. Oh, I heard a woman make a noise.
Starting point is 01:07:05 That was fun. And Lewis go, I don't want to spar Lewis. He's a higher level than I am. And he's crazy. And he weighs 150 pounds more than me. So I said, he goes, no, I'll just do defense. You just throw punches, and I'll block them. So I'm like, OK, we can do that.
Starting point is 01:07:18 I'm doing it for like 30 seconds. And Lewis just fucking punches me in the face. And I go, what are you doing? And he goes, I gotta throw some punches. I'm like, what? So I tell the other part of this, I'm like, you threw a fake kick and slow motion. And I checked it.
Starting point is 01:07:32 And his dude, the impact was, I'm gonna be kidding you was this. And it floored Joe. He fell down from the pain. And he was like, I'm gonna be kidding you. I'm gonna be kidding you. I'm gonna be kidding you. I'm gonna be kidding you. I'm gonna be kidding well, I'm gonna be kidding you was this. And it floored Joe, he fell down from the pain.
Starting point is 01:07:50 I was a distance runner, I have sensitive shins. If anyone's ever ran a lot of miles on cement, it takes a toll on your shins. But no, I was upset like a bitch. It really, it's on video, it's on Instagram or YouTube or something. It was literally, this is how hard I kicked him. And I showed the instructor and I was like, can you look at this? Because I think something's on. And he was like, I don't, there's not even like kind of a mark.
Starting point is 01:08:18 It was bad. But then you punched me when you said you wouldn't. Yeah, I'm sorry. Remember that story? Well, I mean what happens is eventually, you know, your instincts just kick in. What instincts? To punch the weekend. To a ugly person. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:34 You instinct. Wait. Does that make sense? I'm like it. I did it all right. You instinct. That was fun. I got a lettuce on it.
Starting point is 01:08:42 Somebody carry the show for a minute It's your lighter it's not mine. Is it really? No, it's Pacos. Oh Paco can I have that back? I said you're the best lips. I can use a match, because I have a match. You are facing my ass. Bobby, are we gonna do a model off? Yeah, I'm gonna do a model off.
Starting point is 01:09:19 But I think, what are we gonna do? We're just gonna show it. Yeah, I think we should play the sexy, I'm a model. You know what. Yeah, we like to look and model off. Yeah, we're with the catwalk right it work Work yeah work our lips to the lady wait. Wait. Do I have to get up and move? Yeah Go see some sweaty lips. Can't we do it sitting? Holy shit, that is your plan that is your plan for everything That's a third question on anything What is it sitting Holy shit, that is your plan, that is your plan for everything. That's this third question on anything.
Starting point is 01:09:47 What is it sitting? I hate you. I know. But God is our sexual tension palpable. Why can't we plant one on somebody so they can feel it? What, Bobby, fine, if you really want to kiss one of these people we can do it, but it's weird, dude. Not kissing on the lit, on the cheek. What Bobby fine if you really want to kiss one of these people we can do it, but it's weird dude not
Starting point is 01:10:07 Kiss him on the lit on the cheek. I Think a body shot off of a fucking 400 pound man earlier today I think we just found our solution Who wants free shots? I'm not worried about kissing somebody's cheek. I'm just saying I feel like they're gonna get a better gauge for his better lips And also all the ladies on the ground can participate in the fucking applause a meter This is a plasmeter a plasometer All right, let's do it whatever I don't give you shugo first. No you go first you go first I don't want to do it. I don't know what the fuck you would walk back and would you afraid?
Starting point is 01:10:43 Now I'm not afraid of you. You're afraid of my heart. You're about to talk to you when you're going first on your own podcast. I'm not going first. You go first. I'm a mom. Rock paper says it, man. You didn't know what?
Starting point is 01:10:53 Rock paper says it, man. I'm not rock. Lewis. Look it. Lewis. The people have spoken. Lewis. Work it, girl.
Starting point is 01:11:02 Now they're saying Lewis is right, Bobby. Go first. No, they're not. They want you to go. I appreciate you, Lewis. it girl. They're saying Lewis is right Bobby go first. No, they're not I want you to go. I appreciate you guys go first That's overwhelming is there any music do we have any mute? Can you? First Nobody Like that
Starting point is 01:11:21 Work it Get up here let him him see. Let him see it, dude. Are you really? Good, good stop. Dude, face model. Face model. I'm two six. Six.
Starting point is 01:11:41 Two side profile. Yeah. Sticking And I stick it. Move it. Look over. Yeah. Showed, relaxed fit. Now give me, I'm yelling at a cab driver. Now give me, at food delivery driver
Starting point is 01:12:11 Now give me sexual harassment of Shannon Be fat I think we can all admit that Lewis worked it There you go we were sitting I think we can all admit that Lewis worked it. Yeah! Yeah! Ladies, have we ever seen it? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Starting point is 01:12:30 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Starting point is 01:12:38 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, you might have just fucked first of all. I think you might have just crushed loose.
Starting point is 01:13:12 Now, yeah, first of all, Bobby, you're getting all of the dude vote. That's fine. Dude, this is the Swiss, this room of all my sexier. Look at my lips. He just changed my lips. Woo! You made him sexy, man. Yeah, I made him sexy.
Starting point is 01:13:24 Look at that. Wow. You like it,. You made him sexy. Look at that. Wow. You like it too, don't you? Look at Lex, what's a kiss, G-I-J-O. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha I didn't watch Breaking Bad until last year. I didn't watch the wire until like five years after it was done. And now I just started watching the sopranos. All right, so I've still never seen the sopranos. You've never seen the sopranos? Oh, it's the best.
Starting point is 01:13:55 I've only watched the first couple episodes and then the finale. Why? Because it was too much to try to catch up. I'm like, all right, let me just see what the hardest thing ends. The CF, I really want to watch the journey up into this. No, that's a bad sell.
Starting point is 01:14:12 Yeah. Right at the end, you're like, yeah. But it was a great series to ending fucking. Yeah, the end of the house where they go, like whatever, Brecky, you end up marrying so and so. Yeah. You went straight to that and surprised me. Yeah, I did that. And I was like, yeah, I don't really care.
Starting point is 01:14:26 They ended the surprise. They ruined the fan life. Yeah, it was, they didn't make no sense. They ruined it. Yeah. They mentioned our hometown in surprise. They threatened to kill a stripper there. So what is hometown?
Starting point is 01:14:36 Coltsnack, New Jersey. Oh, that's strong. Yeah, it's a really good show. And you know what? It was, it was a woke show. Like they were, I'm telling you. They were dealing with shit. The thing, the thing about woke,
Starting point is 01:14:50 they had one guy come out and they were physically awake. They had a gay mafia guy. One of the guys was gay. He got found out that he was gay. And Tony was, he was like, listen, they guy, he was trying to save his life, going they got gazed, Navy seal, who gives a shit
Starting point is 01:15:10 and he got pressured so hard to, like all these other guys and then he started, they were bringing up God and he was like, let me tell you something, what we do, you're comparing what we do to what he does, like he's not going to heaven, but we are, like he was, it was fucking weird to see that in a mob movie.
Starting point is 01:15:26 I didn't know that that guy was, you know, pretty well, and the new movie was, was that? They did kill him. Oh, they definitely killed him, yeah. You can't have a game, I'll be a guy. No, no, you're out. Yeah, you got to lose wrist. He's gone this now.
Starting point is 01:15:42 Well, they caught him. Thanks, Ben Row. It was one of the most shocking fucking scenes in any TV shows I've ever watched, You got a loose wrist. He's gone this name. Well, they caught it. Thanks, Monroe. Right. It was one of the most shocking fucking scenes in any TV shows I've ever watched is because you got all these mafia guys, right? You remember the scene.
Starting point is 01:15:53 So the daughter, spoiffer and shows up on the construction site way early. Yeah. And he's nothing would do with the mafia, nothing. He's just dating Tony's daughter. He shows up early and he looks and there's nothing would do with a mafia, nothing. He's just dating Tony's daughter. He shows up early and he looks and there's a guy guy, security guard like this and his truck. And then all of a sudden one of the fucking head captains
Starting point is 01:16:15 of the family head comes up and he's just sucking the security guard's dick. Do they call them captains? He was a captain in the, yes. Yeah, in the mob? In the mob, yeah. They have captains in all that. Yeah, it seems gay.
Starting point is 01:16:28 Already, everybody's like a safe place. If they got nicknames and they all wear suits and shit, it seems like the right place for a gay guy to be. Not a time. That's funny. That's the same. But you just have to have uniforms and nicknames? I'm saying the mob, everybody's wearing a suit.
Starting point is 01:16:44 They're really flashy. Like, you're the club? Yeah, they got bro love. Like, they kiss each other on the cheek. Because they're like, what's the problem with what he's doing? Every time I go to Italy, I'm like, how is it okay? Yeah. That's how it's all.
Starting point is 01:16:58 It was shocking, man. It was like, what the fuck? And I remember when it was such a funny writing, because they were like, so the guy, remember when it was so it was such a funny writing because they were like so The guy the kid was telling them what happened and he was like So he was the security guard when he was blowing. He's like no no no no no no He was sucking the secure he was going down on the security guard. They were like What the fuck like that made such a big difference? Like they were almost going to accept it if he was getting
Starting point is 01:17:26 in the guy, but then they're like, what do you was, he was pitching or something like that. It was like so fun. Yeah. Fucking great. Great job. Well, that was the woke moment. It was a lot of them in there, man.
Starting point is 01:17:40 Yeah. You know, I tell you, I said this, yeah, they fucking had a acidic guy. And this is the funny thing about the Jews? Yeah, they fucking had a Hasidic guy. And this is the funny thing about that. They were gonna beat, this kid, the father wanted him killed or beat up. No, the Jew. Wanted to beat up because.
Starting point is 01:17:56 Who doesn't? I'm a Jew, I can say that. Oh, okay, I got to pass. I got to follow him. All right, yeah, I was like, wow, that guy's a fuck. No, no, no. He says nothing all show. I'm on the Oh, yeah, I was like, you're like, wow, that guy's a f**k. No, no, no. He said nothing all show.
Starting point is 01:18:06 I said, I'm on the team. Yeah, I was like, well Yankees, yeah, this side of the table, very Jew heavy, but I put the Jews over here. Jew is heavy. Wow. Wow, that's a pretty good one. Yeah, I like that.
Starting point is 01:18:17 Is this my gun or is he just talking like a little Jew? I don't know what that means. Yeah, he, they're gonna kill him. Oh, no, beat him up to get the money back. And he just took the beat and he's like, you're gonna have to kill me because I'm never giving you what is mine. Which is money.
Starting point is 01:18:32 And it was money. And they wound up giving up. Like they were like, what the fuck? This guy. Wait through the Jews beat Tony's crew. Yeah, like just by saying fuck it. And they came up with a deal and they stole his money And then his steal his money they were hired to get why do you say something?
Starting point is 01:18:53 Fucking to hired muzzle tough. I'm O. C. Lech. I mean, go ahead. Did they kill them? No, the end of killing the Jew people the end of killing the Jew people. The Jew people. The Jew is a Jew people. He's like, I can get back. The Jew is grew. A people. A people.
Starting point is 01:19:09 Men row sweating. They're black. Are there any blacks in the surprise? Yeah, they have a couple. Are we still food? No. Not the movie, dude. The new movie is.
Starting point is 01:19:21 It's serious. It's half, I mean's it's half about the uh... black people in the uh... and the black mob yeah the black mob but how it started all that shit yeah i like that movie i heard it was why did you like it why didn't you like it i don't know it's just what movie uh... soprano movie have a same thing of uh... new work you don't know that this is a fucking soprano's movie? Yeah, it just was unnecessary.
Starting point is 01:19:47 I was watching it and I was like, this didn't wrap up any loose ends. He watched four episodes, you wouldn't know anything. Yeah. Is anyone watching? Yeah, you don't have an experience. Does anyone watch? Absolutely. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no What is that? What is it because Dan Soder and Christus that Christus said was like you got a fucking watch squid game
Starting point is 01:20:06 Like it's fucking crazy, so I Christus And you're good general. Let me see you're very good. That was not I know I actually do a pretty good Christus stuff. Here we go. Let's do it. I don't know. I know I'm thinking like I'm Can't call someone Cuzz or Kiz. Cuzz. Cuzz. Cuzz. Maybe.
Starting point is 01:20:28 Say B. Let him go. Um, anyways, I finished it today. I, you can finish it. What is it about? I don't understand what it's about. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so don't know what you're talking about. No, the show is like, I mean, not to give too much away. It's just like a group of people find themselves on this, in this place where they're playing games.
Starting point is 01:20:53 And if you don't beat the game, you die. And it's like a whittling it down kind of thing. Is it real? It's a cake room in Saul. Well, it's in the commercial. I mean, that's in the, it's like every other game. I can't, we didn't hear it. Where you said, because everyone was talking at the same time. It's like, to me, if I explain that's the sounds like every other game. I can't we didn't hear what you said because everyone's talking the same. Sorry
Starting point is 01:21:06 It's like to me if I explain it. It's like Saw an escape room mixed in together, but with a lighter with a lighter Competition lose there's like everyone is there. There's no murder. There is Why there is like only murder that's like the whole thing you play these games There's a bunch of people there because they are in financial debt near ruin their lives and other people spoilers That's a porla than mine They're pit if they pitched the show this is what they would say without giving it away If they pitched the show, this is what they would say without giving it away. This is like in a scripture. I give away a lot, dude.
Starting point is 01:21:46 Then I don't know how to explain this shit. Yeah, well, he's just having this. He's not a fudge. White belt. Everybody's like so far. It's Asian white belt would murder or American Ninja Warrior with murder. That's it. I like it. Yeah. So this is not real. No, it's not. No, it'd be great. That'd be great. great Who's real people really being worthy on an island? So never watching that while while while country Remember while while country. No, what's that oh show those that's cult? It was like a big Netflix show like Three years ago four years ago. Damn, but everybody thought it's cult and I'm like this is made up
Starting point is 01:22:20 It sounded so real, but I'm like no one's ever heard of oh you talking about the Indians Jesus up. It sounded so real, but I'm like no one's ever heard of it. Oh, you're talking about the Indians. Jesus. No, there was Indian. He was Indian. Yeah, he was an Indian. Yeah. Wait, can't say Indians. He was from India, right? The Indians. Yeah. Is that what it is with it took over the town? Yeah, it took over. That was real. Yeah, but it did. I was like this has to be scripted because I've never heard of it. Oh, yeah. There yeah. There's one cult took over this town. They bought a ranch. A fancy people. But no, they would say how big is the town?
Starting point is 01:22:51 They bought 80 acres or 500 acres on a ranch in the middle of fucking nowhere. And they went into the town, and the people will like, fuck you, don't ruin our little town. And they were like, okay, fuck you. And they just bought property as it came up. And then they just kept spending money on property. They bought the whole town mainly.
Starting point is 01:23:12 Then when they did votes, they were the majority in the town. So they just changed the names of the streets. They changed the local store to like how Bucci, Wawi, or that meant fucking love or some shit. They changed the local store to like Habuichi Wawi or that meant fucking love or something. They changed everything. And the fucking old people were like flipping out. It was a weird movie, but then of course, internally they turned on each other.
Starting point is 01:23:35 Murder, more murder. Netflix was murder. Somebody got murdered, right? Everything is murder. Netflix is murder. Yeah. Even let's go look at pet tigers and like how about some murder in there?
Starting point is 01:23:51 The British Bake off the next season Murder by K. If you look For the for this star Baker this week goes to an congrats and I have the unfortunate news to tell who is going That's the impressions were used to yeah, that's it. I gotta shoot them. That's the impressions we're used to. Yeah, that's it. You got to wake up. Ah, he called me to what a fucking just garbage. Yeah, he's an asshole. He really is just garbage.
Starting point is 01:24:16 It's cold back. Oh, man, there he is. Okay, why would you hang up? I didn't get it was an action. Wait, I was asking asking can you hear me because you're on our podcast right now oh we're on my wife hate me yes well you're on ykwd with Adam for hour and and joe de rosa hi adam hi why you rich hi bye is this about restaurants and stuff this is it you don't need to take shots at bob why cuz you Why cuz you rich you trying to book more gigs yeah yeah
Starting point is 01:24:49 Oh I don't get it because I work restaurants he says yeah I was in bad well not he says yeah everybody says yeah you got yeah everybody says it and you know get it Bonnie cuz you're successful Well you know what dude when Joe just smashed me about comedy, he really, you know, no one cuts an onion as good as Joe's. So, I'm not.
Starting point is 01:25:12 I'm fucking hot peppers. I can't hot peppers. I mean, Bobby, what's up? This is gonna be a special hot peppers. Wait for what she said. She said that's gonna be a special Which is what she said that's gonna be a special hot peppers But I was being nice because obviously he's not gonna get a special Bonnie Bonnie's cutting with a knife right now really came back with fucking pent up Boston energy didn't you? All right, what do you got?
Starting point is 01:25:47 Bobby we were talking about The movement you love so much. Yeah, but yeah, bone Tomahawk. Yes, I'm a hot bone that we watched last night It's bone Tomahawk not Tomahawk bone Bone Tomahawk, which probably gonna go in your backside tonight Not not why do you love it so much? Because it's a fucking masterpiece, Rich. It's a masterpiece, yes. Wait, so do you agree with that, too? Yes.
Starting point is 01:26:16 Haven't seen it, Bobby, you told me to see it less than I haven't seen it yet. Listen to me, yeah. Do you remember, and it might be Hartfeeter, remember, do you remember the scene when a little kid was killed in the in the barn, right? Yeah. Get dead.
Starting point is 01:26:31 They were going to go into the barn. The three guys, they had rifles like they were going to barn. Who's gonna remember that? Yeah. It looked like the three stoochers were running into a barn. He made the three stooches. Yeah. He put an R on the end. Yeah. Stoochers were running into a barn. He made the three stooches.
Starting point is 01:26:45 He put an R on the end. Yeah. Stoochers. Oh my God. Oh my God. Yeah, but because back then, dude, it's not like everybody was John Wayne. You know, there was Indians that were around
Starting point is 01:27:01 and they were scared. They were frightened. They were running into the garage. Like it was almost like a silent movie. It was, how is it a classic? They didn't say it was a classic. We said it was a masterpiece. It was a masterpiece.
Starting point is 01:27:16 It was unbelievable. It was one of the best Westerns I've ever seen. What about Adam for our next? Why? Rich Neckstack, God damn David, I had a good slam. He said it was for the best westerns I ever seen. It said next to Omelette. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:27:33 Oh, my God. Next to Omelette. Wow. Jesus, not only was it a good show show you read your fucking practice menu Show me those sandwiches Hi Bonnie, how are you? I Ask Adam a few sort I did not see it. No, I didn't see Adam's favorite movie is Mike cousin Vinnie That's a masterpiece
Starting point is 01:28:01 movie is my cousin Vinnie. Let's say. That's a masterpiece to him. You like the new Ghostbusters, right? You said you saw that. The new Ghostbusters was a lot of fun, yeah. Yeah, it was. I mean, it really showed, really stuck into those women that it was.
Starting point is 01:28:15 Yeah, their movie scene. Oh, all right. Franchise is over. Not really. Well, listen, we got, I don't think it was a masterpiece by any such the one good scene was where they split the guy in half uh and you got to be more spoiler-less with people listening that want to go see the movie rich see it I haven't seen it yet it's Bobby Jassori's all excited about about it. When they were screaming and then you found out
Starting point is 01:28:46 how they were screaming, that wasn't fucking crazy. And the fact that when the girl... Yeah, I just put Joe's whistles in there. I just... They sounded like you. Oh, that was good. Hey, it's a masterpiece. It's a western. Oh, that was good. Hey, it's a masterpiece.
Starting point is 01:29:06 It's a western. It's a great western. And I thought it was unbelievable. And it was very realistic to probably how it was back then. You know what, baggage me about that is that they have the phone still has a B B B B. Yeah, fuck it. You know what I love? That you spelled
Starting point is 01:29:26 Rich's last name with an extra S. Reboises? Yeah, I do that. Because that's the way he would say it. Foss. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha. Um.
Starting point is 01:29:36 Can I tell you what bothers me? What? Yeah, I know what bothers you. Before we get started. I know what bothers you. But a lot of things fucking bother you. Oh, God. You can be, yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:44 Fucking lippy woman. bother you. Oh God. You can be fucking lippy woman Lippy woman Might be sure what are the things you like? Was that a good show? I want to tell you what bothers me about the show. Go ahead about my show. Yeah, yeah right now My show let me tell you. Yeah, let me tell you I Can't stand that you don't use my music anymore. I I can't stand that you don't use my music anymore. I hate that you were placed what was like sort of an interesting, different kind of podcast theme
Starting point is 01:30:09 with what everybody does, which is like, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. That bothers me. It bothers me that I'm nowhere to be found in that montage. You're in it. You're in it. The very end. You're in it.
Starting point is 01:30:22 You're in it. You're in that. What am I, what do I say? You're in it, right? Play it again, please. No, don't, don't, play it again. You're in it. The very end. You're in it. You're in it. You're in that. What am I in it? You're in it, right? Play it again, please. No, don't, don't, don't. Play it again. You're in it.
Starting point is 01:30:30 I made sure you're in it. Fucking Stevie Ravel. All right, can we, can we get the original? Do you have the original, right? Much, look, most just panicked. Because I asked him to do his job. Any other producer, like, yeah, let me find it. Most goes, oh, he's gonna kill me
Starting point is 01:30:52 You're an intimidating intimidating guy, you know who said that I'm saying you're intimidating. I'm not saying I'm not you're not intimidating You're just angry here it comes again Yes, you know, I got Bonnie was out of masterpiece and she goes it was a good movie, but do Real quick remember when they were lifting the guys up into the cave with the rope? Yeah. Okay. Okay, how they got them into the cave, right? Yes, yes, yes. How did a fucking guy with one leg get up there?
Starting point is 01:31:16 You just see him up in the cave with a gun. All right, how did he get there? They cut his leg off after he was up there. What? We can cut his leg off. he was up there. What? He can cut his leg off. What? What?
Starting point is 01:31:28 Now he's talking about, oh Richard, a husband. Oh yeah. From the conjuring. Wow, Patrick Wilson. Patrick, he got up there. His leg was fucked up. How did he get himself up?
Starting point is 01:31:39 They had to drag those other guys up. Right. And how did they get him up? Buddy, I'm sure there was a mark. There was stairs. I'm sure they have stairs. He would have had trouble navigating stairs as well. Yeah, I know, but the timeline, maybe it took him six hours. I mean, who knows? I mean, it was a fucking great movie. You're talking about one part. I agree with you that part. It's just be clear on that.
Starting point is 01:32:11 All right, yes. All right, it was. Hold on. Wait. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do the FaceTime. You accidentally hit the FaceTime button. I apologize. Oh, I can't. He keeps hanging up. We're now mad. What's wrong with you now? Nothing. Just listen. What's wrong? First of all, I'll tell you right now. I don't like you. I don't like you. I own a bar deep voice. It was. I don't like you. Nothing. Was that you? I don't like you. I'm not your voice. Yeah, he's got like a manly voice now that he's, he's has a fucking brick and mortar. Hey, look at you. No, it's it's just from too many cigarettes.
Starting point is 01:32:46 Listen to it. Oh, nothing. I'm not doing it on purpose. It's not doing it on purpose. It could be a polyp. So you got that clip. You have that clip? He says, yeah, I don't need you to communicate.
Starting point is 01:33:00 Just play it. He says, yeah, I got it. Thanks. Good, thanks, man. Glad you got it. I mean, yeah, I got it. Thanks. Good thanks, man. I'm glad you got it. I mean, it's almost a thing now, where my, I just like when you get angry, I just, it's like, can I play this clip?
Starting point is 01:33:15 Yeah, we got it. And then I say you got the clip. Yeah, we got it. It's like, what? Not yet. What is not yet? No, that's what he said. That's what I have left. No, he didn't say yes. He said not yet? No, that's what he said. No, I'm talking about.
Starting point is 01:33:25 I'm laughing. No, he didn't say yes. He said not yet, which is why I started laughing. And you thought he said yes. Oh, hey. That's what I was laughing at. What is the other clip that I said? Nicole.
Starting point is 01:33:35 Oh, that's. Oh, I hate you. Oh, forget it. This is the message Joe left me on my phone. This made me laugh. No, okay. I played this 10 times. And go.
Starting point is 01:33:50 Yeah, I left you this at very early in the morning. Dude, I woke up at 8 a.m. today to cook a side of roast beef. I am just finished in comedy. I want that to be your ringtone. That's where I'm at now. I'm at these days. 8 a.m. you cooked a big fat roast beef. Yeah. I didn't know you were cooking the food. Now I usually don't but but I needed to make a roast beef because we ran out fast and I thought we would so the I didn't have time to get it from the place that cooks it for us
Starting point is 01:34:24 usually. That's the one thing that I was talking to Keith and Louis smash and you know that. Yeah, he's an asshole. Why is he an asshole? First of all, yes he is. Second of all, why? He comes down an opening night at like 8 p.m. He's like, I want to say it. So I'm like, we sold out. The first day we sold out. He's like, how the fuck are you gonna sell out of sales? It's like, that's how product works stupid. You fucking moron.
Starting point is 01:34:55 Try going by a PS5 on opening day and then go and yell at the Walmart lady. How the fuck are you gonna sell out of PS5? It's called supply and demand, you dumb fuck. Can you not, I'm not Keith. I know. But you're yelling at me like this. But he's so dumb.
Starting point is 01:35:10 He needs to get his phone. But first of all, don't compare yourself to Sony PlayStation. You know what I'm saying. You're a sandwich shop, it's gaba goal. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but we make our own roles. Yeah, but you could have, you make your own roles there.
Starting point is 01:35:22 We don't make them there, we have to make them off site, but we bake our own bread Where do you bake them? Hey, and the reason we didn't have extra rolls or reason we ran out is because we don't fucking keep them overnight We bake them for that day So yeah, but that's retarded. No, it's not so you're gonna run out of sandwiches every day No on the first day when we're trying to figure out how many we gonna sell and you're guessing Yeah, maybe we ran out of sandwiches at some point. How many sandwiches do you make? Don't phrase it like you run out, you sold out. That's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 01:35:47 You sold out of sandwiches. I don't know, we did like 50 that day. 50 sandwiches individually or in a bucket when people just grab a sandwich. Oh, no, we sold 50. Because I saw a tray of sandwiches. The tray was at the private event. So you sold out?
Starting point is 01:36:03 So he didn't get a sandwich. No, he did. because somebody that had a sandwich to go gave them his sandwich. Somebody who bought a sandwich. Somebody who felt so sorry. Was it, please that would be a white girl. White guy. White guy, even better.
Starting point is 01:36:19 It looked like a cop. A cop. Oh, even better. Yeah. Gave Keith his, Keith, barely even said thank you. He just took it and ate it. But he barely can. I know. So let's just a fucking idiot. What was the sandwich? I think it was an E.C. All right, we got to go.
Starting point is 01:36:35 I'm sorry that the shows are off to a little rocky road because a stupid boss called up. He really just derailed. He derails everything. And then you have Bonnie in the background just throwing in zingz. Yeah, I wrote for the Oscars. Shut up, Bonnie. Pfft. Pfft.
Starting point is 01:36:56 He's his. We have the old theme ready. I never wanted to throw something in somebody's mouth. We have the old theme, ready? Don't peek around the monitor at me. Mushy, go ahead, what do you got, buddy? Let me hear it. Can we hear it lower? It's too loud. What's that playing, oh? Why is my voice?
Starting point is 01:37:35 See this is like an original It's got a nice groove to it. Yeah All right, let's take a vote right now. We're gonna take a vote. They're gonna vote against me despite. We're gonna, who wants the original YKW theme song made by Joderosa on a drum machine, which I love.
Starting point is 01:37:56 Yeah. Or the new one. Can we hear the new one? 10 minutes later. I mean, you guys should just have it ready to go. Do you can answer me? Do you have the new one? Ten minutes later. I mean you guys should just have it ready to go Do you can answer me? Do you have it? Do you have the new one? Hey, this is
Starting point is 01:38:20 I did welcome to the man cow show It's shock radio. Don I miss live at 6am. It's rock tober, rock tober, rock tober. He says the things you only think I want to hear what he's going to say next to for Tuesday coming up. Thank everybody who came down to bring down that canned goods to help people less fortunate at this time of year. All right, that one. My team is better.
Starting point is 01:38:53 Do you have a clean version of Joe's original? No. All right, Joe's voice is in this package. Play that loud please so we can hear it. That one. Or this package. Play that loud please so we can hear it. That one? Or this one. I talk slow so that they can produce. I'm just gonna say I do suffra- what? Play it louder. You make a guy to go welcome.
Starting point is 01:39:26 Where did you go back to it? Shut up, Joe. That's nice. It's a different vibe. This is the overnight guy. This is 101 for the AFN. Bobby Kelly show. You's a different vibe. This is the overnight guy. This is 101 for a BDF and Bobby Kelly show. You know what? You know what? All lines are open. You talk and you let me know. We have Nirvana coming up next on the alternative rock.
Starting point is 01:39:55 But make sure you stick around. Be given out a PSP and an Nintendo switch. And don't remember the roses sandwiches. They go in there. Yeah. Joey Rose is 174 living, Livington Street, Wednesday through Sunday. We open a 12 PM every day full bar and sandwiches come down. First of all, I am so white trash. The fact that I'm in a trailer with I can, and there's somebody that can go get me whatever I want food wise and drink wise.
Starting point is 01:40:18 I mean, I will stay in that I'll do, I'll say you in a script, you. And that's all I'll be there for a week and a half. You pay me, fucking sag. I'm getting fucking pennies. I'm getting egg sandwiches in the morning. I'm at lunch. I'm sleeping in the trailer. Are you nuts?
Starting point is 01:40:36 I love it. First of all, it was one of those half trailers, which is an insult. Oh yeah, half trailer. Oh no. Half a trailer. I mean, the movie is an insult. Oh yeah, I have trailer. Oh no. Half a trailer. I mean, the movie is no good. Oh no. What the fuck?
Starting point is 01:40:55 Hey, is that a bell? Ladies and gentlemen, hell's bells. Ladies and gentlemen, it's not Kells bells. Don't call me Kells bells, because that's on my Wikipedia now, is Kells fucking bells.
Starting point is 01:41:11 My fucking sister, it's called me Kells bells, okay? Don and Max are saying Kells bells. It's terrible. It's cool. It's not every private. It's not every private. Doug, Doug Bell, everybody. What's on your mouth? Doug my lips. What's on your lips? Are you in a, uh, Colin?
Starting point is 01:41:39 I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't understand I don't, I don't understand his delivery. I don't understand his backstory. I don't understand Doug Bell. Oh, man, that says it's too complicated. You shouldn't understand. What's on your lips? It's grown to be out.
Starting point is 01:42:01 I'm going to throw up. My lips. Do you remember the Joker's cafe in Cincinnati? How fucking good was the food there? What? What? I'm scared. I'm scared.
Starting point is 01:42:16 I didn't work that one. What is on your lips? Why is nobody saying this? What? Who's got a trailer? Where's the trailer? No, we were talking about the old days you had a trailer. Oh my god. Yeah, I had one one time when I was on this I we were shooting we were shooting We're shooting the bell. Yeah, we did a location shoot Well, it was in a college and I was like talking a bunch of people
Starting point is 01:42:43 It's crazy. Listen, listen, dude. What, Quinney and Cal's Bell? Back with Cal's Bell. Yeah, yeah, talk to us guys on the bellcast. Quinney. His name is not, you called him Quinney? I hate you, he's called Quinney. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:43:01 He called me Cal's Bells. There are people, I was at a show and they yelled out cows bells. Yeah. Thanks for having me. What can I just please know what's on your mouth? I can't see my eyes for no good man. I think I know what it is. I'm sure Norton put it there.
Starting point is 01:43:24 Oh Jimmy. I think I know what it is. I'm sure Norton put it there. Oh Jimmy. What on your fucking lips man? That's a book. The worst thing is you always, you always do like this. Yeah, and then nothing gets said. I know. No, dude, you're, you're doing any acting in the whole pandemic. I haven't done the acting
Starting point is 01:43:48 I was on the Michael Shay Joe once oh cool the They look like Michael what Michael Shay Joe Michael Chey are they They're looking for people I don't well I was a couple of months ago, but I mean, I could put it in word, I guess. Oh, cool. What about me? Put it in a word for me. I'm, I'm, I'm right here. Yeah. Yeah. Why not put it in for the pretty blonde girl. I think, uh, Doug Stug seems to have a fancy for you. Oh, no, it's cool. Oh, no. Do you know her? Do you know Gabby's dad you Yeah, oh, you know what it's funny. I remember you were a little pup when I saw
Starting point is 01:44:39 I was with Johnny Bungellov. I got backstage. I already was. And yeah, I'm the little pup. Yeah, well, when I first time I seen you at like this big, you know, I remember I said to him, I'm such a big fan and I like living on a prayer and thought he was cool. He's like, I looked so I better knew you were a fan if you like living on a prayer. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, that's what I thought to him. I bet I knew you were a fan of you like living on a prayer especially. Yeah, definitely. The deep cut. Yeah, that's what I thought to them. I'm like, that's fucking the soul with that song.
Starting point is 01:45:10 Yeah, I need, I need you to wipe your mouth. I think there's something on your mouth. I think there's something on your mouth. I would love it if you could. No, no, no, no, no. I think there's something, no, no, no, no, no. Up, up, up, up. On the thing, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, dude, I do remember I'm from Warner Burry and that would kill. Oh, I was fine with you. Hi, I forgot this. Yeah, but nowadays
Starting point is 01:45:50 it's considered offensive dog. Yeah, you can't do that anymore, Doug. That's, that's yeah. Well, what are you going to tell you? Do you remember that gig we did Bobby it was in Florida, and I don't remember Half of it. I mean I was too Bell's to the wind The guy in the back kept talking and I was just it was crazy funny night, man I don't what I don't remember what club was it what happened? What happened? We're do I got I did no, but I did Do you remember that joke I used to do about like far like with just so many old people here?
Starting point is 01:46:41 It was kind of big laugh. And I even remember pointing you, Chrissy Rock like that. I was at the seller one and Rock is in the back. He's looking through the door. And they kept giving me the light, but I'm like, I want to rock to see me. So I do like an extra 20. And he was smiling, I told the audience,
Starting point is 01:47:01 I had Chrissy Rock rocks back there going up uh... i i mean it's it i'm getting dooshivers literally physically affecting me uh... turn on the heat what you see if you do she'll turn on the heat uh...
Starting point is 01:47:20 i think that's not apparently but it's it's funny that you do bring it up call do I think that Stand-up comedy right now. It's funny to me that comics what I'm agreeing with your stand-up comedy right now Survival He agrees you're gonna I do, man. Stan, you agree with this point? Stand up comedy right now. Yeah, because it gets us all through these moments.
Starting point is 01:47:58 People need to laugh during COVID, is that what you're saying? You know, because everybody's been so upset and they're like, after it's the best medicine and somebody says to me, go, Belle, are you going to get back up? And I said this soon. You're gonna do. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, we, you know, we could probably get SD and she in the different audition for SD. Yeah, man, she, uh, she didn't like it. She was, she didn't get it. I would never hang, I would always kind of hang at the other table. And I finally got to go on. And she was down there
Starting point is 01:48:32 the night that rock was there. And she was the one flashing the light. Oh, maybe, and I'm like, hey, I just got up here. Uh, and I told the audience, I'm like, Chris Urock is back there. I wanted them to see my set. Oh. Are you a friend? Are you saying your friends with Chris Rock? He came afterwards. I walked by and he said, he's a good set.
Starting point is 01:48:58 I'm like, yeah, I figured he's a fan. He probably digs material. You probably knew you from the show. Yeah, I asked him that as he was, uh, he was leaving. I was like, you watch me ring my bell and he was like, it's wave. You know, but he was. What show? Where in my pal?
Starting point is 01:49:17 Oh, okay, I forgot. I forgot you had your show. It was like a real fortune. Can I rip? No, I wasn't. There's a whole lawsuit but I bullshit Bobby Kelly Hell's battle
Starting point is 01:49:34 Bobby Kelly Bobby Kelly you call and have a nickname back then besides Quinney No, it's just Quinney like you'd always come in with Cher and they'd be over at the other table And I'm kind of coming after tapinging and it's like, oh Christ bells here. Really? Is that true? Colin? You just be like, whoa. I don't, yeah, I mean, I'm assuming it's true. Yeah. Oh my god. I think Doug is very heavily maniceted. I feel really good, dude. The important things you never want to lose your fastball. Never lose your fastball.
Starting point is 01:50:18 I feel like I think you're on hit with a fastball. Yeah, I think it's a little psychiatric unit and Doug's past 15 years. We cut that because I'm trying to bring a show back and everybody knows what happened. Oh, I don't want that out there. People remember. I apologize. It's a cut or he's a cut or it's embarrassing.
Starting point is 01:50:40 Yeah. Is there any way you could cut that stuff off your lip? Oh, maybe. It's on top. Yeah, is there any way you could cut that stuff off your lip? It's on top. It's right here. What is it? Oh my lips. No. No. The other hand. Can't do that. You can't do that. Most of the stuff Doug did. can't do anymore. Yeah, I was so crazy back then Colin we were talking about Colin was on a show and he actually left it but Colin a double banger first of all It's called a trailer then a double banger and the triple banger and the double banger. Oh Call the FCC double banger and the triple banger and the double banger. Uh oh. Paulie FCC. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:51:28 And then we're worried about the FCC anymore. And then they have the honey wagon, which is like five speedboats. The honey wagon is dug that's where the bathrooms are. Oh, I know. The Honeywagon I would always got sweet. We had one on Bell. We would do like locations shoot. And you would say it was sweet.
Starting point is 01:51:53 That's kind of creepy, no? No, because they called the Honeywagon. Well, I know. Yeah. We're opposed. I don't have a carbon that came on a set one time. I've seen Cameron Diaz And I told her I'm a honeywagger sweet. She smiled. Yeah, yeah, she was on your show. No, she was just in the same
Starting point is 01:52:16 area going into a Ralph's and we were shooting So I called the role from the head dog Bell like I just told her like what's up? See if she wanted to come on What she said? She's like, oh cool. Yeah, and she's like, you call my agent. And I was like, all right, we follow it up a lot, but I see agent is my political. Anyways, Colin had a double, you had a double, a double banker, and you weren't happy with it. Would you want to, you wanted a fucking whole trailer? No, no, no. I had a half trailer.
Starting point is 01:52:50 Uh oh. Yeah, I have trailer. And then the thing up from that is a whole trailer. Right. No, it's the recorders of a trailer. Yeah, it's the recorders of a trailer. That's a great one. Let me ask you a question.
Starting point is 01:53:03 We were almost sure a couple weeks ago, and you did your impression, which is fucking nuts, by the way, your impressions. It's, I mean, it's crazy, because it's like, you can, we can talk and just do a regular, and then all of a sudden you come out, you do a Paul Mooney and a soprano, a Tony soprano,
Starting point is 01:53:22 and it's nuts, but then a fucking week later, after you do that, Paul Mooney, he's passed away. Let me, let me tell you something, I'm in heaven, and white people hold your markets, and God is a nigga. God is, like, God is Sam Cook. I know you don't wanna believe it, and all of the white people that you run from me,
Starting point is 01:53:39 I'm coming after you in your dreams, I'm haunting you, I'm Freddie Nigger. You cannot get away from me, can't. I know you're scared of me. I'm haunted you, I'm Freddie Nigger. You cannot get away from me. I know you're scared of me. I'm not like butter rabbits. I know I see you, I'm coming for you Nigger's freshman. Dude, it's fucked up. It's so fucked up, but I didn't even know he was sick.
Starting point is 01:54:00 I didn't know that. Matter of fact, we did a gig in Pleasanton, California. And the manager of the club, Tommy T, was hanging out with Paul that night. And he said, he had Paul's in the green room. And he had had Paul come downstairs. And I said, hey, by the way, y'all, the legend, the great Paul Mooney was in the back. And then he walked up to the stage to grab the mic and get on and that's when I knew he was fucked up because Paul would normally wouldn't do that. Paul wouldn't be trying to jump up on stage and you know, chuck him with him or fucking take your time. He would
Starting point is 01:54:34 just probably wave and may nighting come down at all but the way he walked to the stage and he was asking for the mic, I was like, damn, and I didn't give it to him. I gracefully, you know, gave him his love and kept it moving because I Neuted if I gave him the mic. He might not stop. Yeah, or he might go off on a page and make sense. Okay, listen, let me ask you a question. Yeah, so Paul Paul mooney. Yeah, how long ago was this? Almost two years ago. Okay, so it wasn't like a couple weeks ago. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, so it wasn't like a couple weeks ago. No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, this is boy guy. No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 01:55:09 He was dying and you said, nah, I'm good, listen. Give it up for that motherfucker anyways. Women are fucking crazy, right? Right. Dude, what the fuck? That's crazy. Yeah. So he was physically, you could tell.
Starting point is 01:55:22 You could tell. I saw him on a plane like five years ago, and you could tell he was, it was the first class. Yeah, where were you? Uh-huh, where were you? I was in cargo. I wrote the bit for Paul.
Starting point is 01:55:39 It was one of the most famous bits on Chappelle. I saw Paul walking down the street one day, and I used to open for my count and I go, Paul, I can't do this bit. You do it. And I go, and I said to him, I go, Wayne Brady's so white, he makes Brian Gumball look like Malcolm X. So I gave him that.
Starting point is 01:55:58 Oh wow. And he thanked me. We did a roast together. I gave him that bit, which they turned into the bit on the Chappelle show, where Wayne Brady, now that's it. Fucking Paul,
Starting point is 01:56:09 let me tell you something, me and Bonnie, a couple times, but I used to work with him a lot of times, but Bonnie, we sat and watched him. Paul, this white girl started crying at the audience, like crying, and Paul's like, whoa, whoa, calm down, this is just comedy. She was offended. Yeah, she just, young, you know,
Starting point is 01:56:26 won't like girl. And he's like, listen calm down. Just, you know, and he, he calmed it down and then went right back into what he does. And you would watch him go, this motherfucker is one of the most amazing comics. I mean, this is 15 years ago, probably 15 years ago. And you could watch him for two fucking hours,
Starting point is 01:56:48 and he would hold your attention that long. To me, that's how good he was. Yeah, you know, we talked about it, and you know, on our podcast, and my thing was this, you know, I just kind of felt like whenever black comics, and we all do it, because, you know, listen, we live in the skin, this is our uniform, so we got to do racial material, we can we all do it because you know, listen, we live in the skin, this is our uniform, so we gotta do racial material. We can't not do it. So, but I always felt like when I would do it at a Griffin, Chappelle, you name him, rock.
Starting point is 01:57:16 It always felt like if we were slave icons, we would be Sagerta Truth, Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglass. We would easy on the white palette, whereas Paul was an actor, like he's stabbing the white babies and the white women. And he's a genius, yes, he's great, yes. But I always just felt like a lot of white people for those that walked out that couldn't take him, why?
Starting point is 01:57:42 We all tellin' the truth, comedy's all based in truth. We all tellin all tell the truth. Comedy is all based in truth. We're all telling our racial truth. But he's shit. It sometimes didn't feel like comedy, even though I know it was. Yeah. And like I would read some of the comments on his YouTube
Starting point is 01:57:56 and white people, this guy's racist, this is fucking racist. So I always wondered why he didn't go down with white people as easy as most black comics I go white people take it I understand you white people could take it But there were a lot of white people couldn't because he never apologized for it That's why he just went in and it wasn't I thought it was because he went in and he didn't a lot of comics We'll say not all white people or this part of white people. He just let everybody have it. And it wasn't, there was no apology.
Starting point is 01:58:27 I watched him a few times at Caroline's and in Laugh Factory when he would come in. And I enjoyed it, but he, I don't know because I am a comic, it never, racist stuff makes me laugh. But so you know what I'm saying? So if I hear someone being racist, I'm going, what the fuck is that?
Starting point is 01:58:47 Even if it's real shit. Yeah, even if it's, if he's, when he was saying something, you know, I remember Voss, you know, Voss has some crazy jokes about the daughter one that's just hilarious. When I hear that stuff, if it's fun, I laugh. So, I don't really, I don't know,
Starting point is 01:59:04 I don't know if I can answer that question. Why it's gotta be. Well, you're a comic, so you see it through that lens. Right. Yeah, I'm talking about average Joe, white guy, white woman, wing guy, none to do a comedy. That's the same person that's gonna get offended if I do a joke about a check.
Starting point is 01:59:21 That's the same person that's gonna get offended if I do something sexist. Maybe. Or, you know what I mean? Yeah, I know, but. Here's the deal with Paul too. Paul not only won after white people. Paul with the microphone.
Starting point is 01:59:33 Paul with the microphone. Paul with the microphone. He won after hypocrisy. He won after Oprah. He won after, he won after black people. He went, but those jokes aren't making white people get up
Starting point is 01:59:43 and walk out. The jokes about Oprah and the jokes about whoever else black Yeah, did not walk in out because of that right they're walking out when they hear him say white people are niggas in a Like when they hear that you know you white people you white I love that as much as I love magic You know what I mean? It's the same it's on the same thing. I don't care. The other day I was doing that, he said, he said, dude, you kind of bled in the body sliding on top of that, too. I'm in the big one, I'm in the big one, I've been doing
Starting point is 02:00:12 a whole lot more time. And I tell him, I'm like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, tell him I'm going on the time. So, you know, sometimes you go from all the niggas in the niggas in the big, so, I'm trying to separate this. But yeah, sometimes I would always say like this. If the audience was a turkey, all other black comics that do race, we car them. Here you go. Paul's in the jail with the fucking, he's shanking this motherland.
Starting point is 02:00:40 And that's the difference to me. And I don't think a lot of white people could take the shanking. Yeah. Carve it up. Give it to us. The true. No, but because instinctually, you if somebody says something about you, you want to go, Hey, well, a fucking you, hey, shut the fuck up. I'm fucking. I'm not that or that's a bullshit. It's just, it's it's in you to defend yourself. You know what I mean? So, especially if you know who you are. But if you know who you are, it shouldn't have offended you.
Starting point is 02:01:14 It's the people who... But it's not, most people don't know that when that comes up, you go, oh fuck it, whatever. You know what I mean? Most people can't do that. Most people just react. Most people, it just comes out. So you think it's because the comic side
Starting point is 02:01:28 doesn't, you don't feel it. It's also too, it's, it's, of course, because of the callus of, you know, a sense of humor is something you build and something that is kind of taught to you. My kid has a sense of humor. I know other kids that don't. I know friends of mine's kids who stink.
Starting point is 02:01:49 I mean, you'll say something funny. They'll be like, why? And you're like, you fucking suck. You know what I mean? You stink. My hand. No, your daughter's funny. She's got me, she's got me,
Starting point is 02:02:01 she's got me, my daughter's, I don't want to be near her. How she'll fucking, it's her. imagine him and then Bonnie McFarlane, that comedy, which is just fucking tax yourself a steam and just slices you up. Why don't I want to Tim Done? We're at the stand. It's like a comic that doesn't bomb my, my, my, my daughter will leave in the stand and she goes to Tim Dylan. Good night, Fatso.
Starting point is 02:02:27 So she got in the car. My wife is like, you can't say that. They're calm. They're my friends. You gotta be. So the next, you know, you gotta be nicer to him. So the next night she was leaving, she goes, it was good to see you, Mr. Don't Fatso. That's not funny to me.
Starting point is 02:02:43 I mean, you know, like that's just, I mean, Tim's a fat dude. I'm a chubby dude. I'm a fat. That just hurts. But I'm getting hurt by a fucking 13 year old. She goes to Doroza. She covered what was the movie with Sandra Bullock? Where?
Starting point is 02:02:58 Bullock? Sandra Bullock. Sandra Bullock where she covered her eyes. Oh, the bird cage. The bird cage. Every time she sees Doroza where she covered her eyes on the bird cage. The bird cage. Every time she sees her rosace, she covers her eyes. You still don't like Italians, huh?
Starting point is 02:03:10 Yeah, they're gross. Worse the whites. Worse the whites, they'll maintain it. Attaians. Worse than the white. Do you know last time? Worse the white. Last time you said this, a couple of my Italian friends
Starting point is 02:03:20 got a little fucking mad because you said they were trash people. They're trash people. Yes. All right, now listen. Let's pack up a little. And what do said they were trash people. They're trash people. Yes. All right, now listen, let's back up a little bit. And what do they say? What do they do? They went straight to threatening violence.
Starting point is 02:03:30 Okay. Okay. Trade of a trash person. Okay, well they did. They were going to come down. They're going to come down there. Fucking idiots. Fucking idiots.
Starting point is 02:03:39 The worst thing to ever happen to any Italian was soprano's finishing. He had nothing since then. Fuck off. You see that last-course-daisy movie with that old man throwing fucking fake kicks? That's your legacy, you garbage trash. That's your legacy. Fake kicks from a guy you're still clinging on to.
Starting point is 02:04:01 You've had no one since then. Ugh, idiot. You still have nobody in there. Nobody. Your no one since then. Oh, it is. So they have nobody in the nobody. Your last great thing was pizza. Fuck off. I don't listen, man. I'm half Italian. So I am, well, I would say a quarter, maybe,
Starting point is 02:04:18 but I am very offended by this because I don't, I'm Irish and Italian. What do you think about Irish people? They're the worst of the whites, the all the whites, Italians, other words, no, obviously, whites or wherever you want to put them on the scale of race, but of the whites, wherever you want to put them, that's up to you, but I'm saying, of the whites.. So the other wife. So, all right, we're gonna, we're gonna, are we an hour, all right? Almost.
Starting point is 02:04:48 By the way, you can see me and Bobby having fun talking about Palmoni, other stuff. On my podcast, R.I.E. Shapiro, Skepper Tank, it's on YouTube now, youtube.com slash R.I.E. Shapiro. Please check it out and subscribe. That was a fun podcast. That was a fun, a shit, what?
Starting point is 02:04:59 That was really good, man. Outside, smong as the guys. I wish all podcasts, either, I love the studio. I'm back, but that was fun. Perfect day too. Perfect day. Hold on the mic. The dog would fly in and out.
Starting point is 02:05:10 People are saying you can see the dog running behind the screen. So the birds would sharpen. You really get the ambience. I want to talk to you about, in the overtime for the Patreon only, I want to talk to you about Bushcraft Body Boys and what's going on with what's happening with this.
Starting point is 02:05:25 Are we killing it? Is it going bad? Is it over? Because you seem to be domesticated. No, I just got back from a long, quite a long vacation. I'm ready to go camping. I was gonna go this weekend with my niece.
Starting point is 02:05:38 You would be able to do this what I'm talking about. What? You were going car camping. With my niece for her fucking bout mitzvah. I'm Jewish. For a bout mitzvah. You were taking her for her fucking bot mitzvah. I'm Jewish for bot mitzvah. You would take in your camping for a bar mitzvah. Oh, dude, but I plan shit to go wrong. What do you I got what are you talking about the Appalachian people? We're gonna find the whites. No, yeah.
Starting point is 02:05:59 Those are better whites than the Italians. The wonderful wonderful world, the way, no way. Yeah. The way as a group. Did not bet the whites, did you see that documentary? I have sure did. They took her by me. Hey, hey, they took her by me. This snort and fucking pills in the hospital.
Starting point is 02:06:21 They're not great. Instead of phrasing it, they're better than the Italians. I'd say the Italians are worse than them. You think the Italians are worse than the fucking West Virginia Appalachian Rednecks, the whites. Yeah. I think you're crazy. The Italians have brought us fucking.
Starting point is 02:06:40 This is what Italians always do. They go back to way, way in the past. Greeks try to do that too. Like who would vote to the language? You're like, what are you talking about, dude? Where's the whites? Better than Italians. Better than Italians.
Starting point is 02:06:52 Oh my fucking god. They probably don't put on heirs. They can't. They all have a good time playing music down by the tracks. They're not pretending they're someone they're not. Yeah. I mean, listen, what do you mean the Italians not pretending to be somebody they're not. Yeah. I mean, listen, what do you mean?
Starting point is 02:07:05 The times that pretend to be somebody they're not? Just they are. They're not. They're fucking, they're hardworking people. They built this country. What? They were attracted to that. Blacks had never run.
Starting point is 02:07:15 Something to do with it. What did you say much? They wear track suits and never run. Oh my God, that's a great point. So do an eye. You don't wear track suits. Yeah, you're like, I grew up seeing just showing up in a track suit. And you're like, it's a great point. So do an eye. You don't want tracks. It's like, I've seen just showing up in a track suit.
Starting point is 02:07:26 And you're like, it's a costume for a sketch. You know what? What? And you're like, I forget it. She looks so hot. Shut up, Alan or she is hot. We know she's hot. All right, Bobby, put your pants back on.
Starting point is 02:07:37 Sorry, I apologize. I apologize. Lisa. Lisa. But yeah, I don't. People are like, you should cut out sugar. I don't think I could. I really, I would just pass.
Starting point is 02:07:47 I pass away. It's the worst. I mean, it's the best because listen to me, I'm a fucking tub of shit. I had no choice. You both are fucking in shape. I'm not really. I mean, she's in shape. I use, she's in shape for sure.
Starting point is 02:07:59 I am questionable. You go in the gym a lot. You do go to the gym. And I run a lot, but I also eat like a fucking monster. That's the thing. And I emotionally eat sometimes. Yeah. It's such a rush.
Starting point is 02:08:09 It really, I don't drink. You live alone, right? I get hanged from Marshal. Wow. Jesus. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 02:08:18 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a single one. Again, that's just triggering for him. He's got to clean the fucking sheet yet.
Starting point is 02:08:28 I apologize. You just opened up to me. You have nobody tonight, right? How much do you have? You have one pillow, right? You have a tiny dog. He's not going to do anything doing it in the street, right? You have one toothbrush in you, bathroom, right?
Starting point is 02:08:44 One coffee mug. I love me. I'm dating me. Kirk was made for you specifically. But you live alone too, right? 100%. But he wanted to live with all by choice. All by choice. This is all by choice. I've been engaged three times.
Starting point is 02:09:02 Three times? Nobody's ever wanted to marry me. Why, I don't understand, you're a pretty girl. You're a high, pretty bad person, Anthony. What do you mean you're a person now? Tell me why. Well, I mean, no, it's a good person. No, I am fun. My last boy.
Starting point is 02:09:16 Was that your therapist talking? Don't do your mean self-speak again. I am fun, I'm fun. You're embarrassing yourself. No, my last boy from broke up with me because of my only, I had started in only fans. What, what, you show your booty? Yeah.
Starting point is 02:09:29 You show everything? Yeah. You make good money. Joe, can you sign me up under your name for her only fans? Please, I'm so jealous. I don't get an extra $5 from an R Kelly every month. I'm like, which one is this? I, so, I, I, I'm so fucking.
Starting point is 02:09:42 Is this the one that pees on your So you show Yeah, I strip I get I'm gonna get Bobby's attention again cuz you brought up a fucking only fan He hasn't even looked over you turn her mic off. Please listen. I gave you 15 minutes. Yeah, exactly Talk about your only fan. So let's see. How much are you paying her to be on this pudge? You have a lonely fan's page. I'm gonna start it. The lonely fans are just me walking around my studio apartment.
Starting point is 02:10:12 Yeah, yeah, in a tan rock. And panties that go up above your belly button. You're like doing stand up to like your family like Maria Bamford. Yeah, you just try to have family. You're trying to massage a Veriko's vein on your thigh. Devaining life. Swipe up. Hello.
Starting point is 02:10:35 It is. You're $20. Tears. Wait, I want to hear more about the only fans. I do. Like, you make good money because I'm so jealous. Yeah, listen to me. I've heard something about you and tell me if I'm wrong.
Starting point is 02:10:49 You make 20 grand a month on, wow. Muzzle talk. Thank you. Muzzle. A lot of it goes back into the product. What product? You know what I'm saying? Oh, you.
Starting point is 02:10:59 Oh, what do you do? What could you possibly do? I reinvested. I do a lot of, like, health and wellness stuff. I get a lot of IV drips. I'm in the gym a lot what the fuck is it? I do I was thinking about recommending one to you they have specific ones for weight loss. Yeah, really go three days in a row You'll fucking notice like you can get on B5 or no B12 shots in your butt. That's just That helps your metabolism
Starting point is 02:11:21 If you get them regularly, but I'm that I got my dad one, he's not used to it yet. He's like, I'm a fucking goalie. Would they just stick me up? I'm not sick. Is your dad know that you have this page? I bet he does. My mom, I'm a hundred. I bet his friends, though.
Starting point is 02:11:34 He's not, I'm not. I bet his friends. I bet you go for Christmas, you got a little more fucking pals. Hey, I was stubborn. Hey, hey, hey, hey, what's new? How's new? You're dad of the comedian. You got the dress, I boy. I mean, that's a good dress you got doing. I was new. As you're done with the comedian. You got the dress I bought.
Starting point is 02:11:45 I mean, that's a good dress you got. That's a new apartment. Wow. I'm just gonna give a shank because she's seen my new apartment. She's like, I don't give a shit how you're paying for this. Really? Yep. I love her.
Starting point is 02:11:56 But you don't have to. But I know you're not doing anything. I don't do porn. There's like no penetration. I really like it. It's not. All right, listen, can I be first she ruins this because she's coming it from a woman's angle. I'll let me come from it. I'm gonna know really like it. It's not all right. Listen, can I before she ruins this because she's she's coming
Starting point is 02:12:05 it from a woman's angle. I'll let me come from it. Oh, all of it. It's you know what do not you know what fucking party pooper. Listen, shut up. Look at these curtains. I can stand you. Let me let me ask you let me make you Ravioli. I'll ask you a couple questions and then fucking Eleanor Meredith Gladys will fucking ask a couple of questions from the 30s Kids do the chick with a hair up in a ponytail last year go fuck yourself cuz by blow Yeah, your roots look good. Listen Just got it that no, we go ahead. I want to hear this question. You're first where you're beautiful. If you had an early fans
Starting point is 02:12:47 I could I be honest I'd go to your fans crush. I'd go to your Absolutely you would Why? Yeah, but people like that and I like that I'm told it's uncomfortable. They like that pretend you're taking a clock back I'm like a bird you don't have to showcase your insecurities You know those Roman women that they would draw like that. That's what I'm They like that. Pretend you're taking a clock back. You don't have to showcase your insecurities. You know those Roman women that they would draw like that? That's what I'm built like. That's not. They like that.
Starting point is 02:13:10 But a little pot belly and a kind of a satiety. Yeah, just like a long toast. Eat grapes after yourself. So hot. He'll be a millionaire. You're very pretty. You're out of your mind. You're really hot. You're Philly hot. Brutal. I was South Philly eight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was South Philly 8. No, you're very Philly, huh?
Starting point is 02:13:28 And it's only because I don't have a self-tax. You got beautiful. Let me tell you something. You're very beautiful. You got beautiful hair. I've got to fucking cool. And you got beautiful eyes. No, you're going to take this.
Starting point is 02:13:37 You're going to take this. No, the blue. You have nice shoulders. You're just South Philly 8. Okay. And you got a smoking lower half of your body. Very good. Thank you. You do. Just don't look at the feet. Like cut the feet. Okay, and you got and you got a smoking lower half of your body very good Good you do just don't look at the feet like cut the feet. Oh cut your feet off
Starting point is 02:13:48 Right I'd rather fucking fucking ostrich than look at your feet Yeah, they won't sell you Toget they won't sell her flip flops when she's on vacation No, you have to cover those men you're please you must cover the feet cover those feet the children scream from pool We need you to to cover those men. You're pleased. You must cover the feet. Sir, cover those feet. The children scream from pool. We need you to please cover your feet. We hear you clicking from hallway. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.
Starting point is 02:14:13 Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Not much. Sounds like a rooster walking down the hall. Listen, so you have this page. What made you say fuck it? Or did you not care at all? Um.
Starting point is 02:14:23 Was it the pandemic? Yeah, I mean, I'm writing job and I was doing sponsored. What was your writing job? I worked at Paramount Network. It was a copywriting job. Love that network. It was fun. Yellowstone.
Starting point is 02:14:33 Yeah, fucking, I did a promo for them and stuff and I worked on their social and I... Wow! But... Are you a social media holy shit part? No, I mean, when you have like a show like that, it's not hard to promote Kevin Costner. My, it is a fucking great. It's my favorite show. It's really good
Starting point is 02:14:46 It's a Taylor Sheridan. He's a really good. He's fucking insane It's like so fucking hot too. I follow her on Instagram. Yeah fucking. I love that show so much Only fans or she would crush it. Here's the thing with that show too is that cost I thought it was just a mini series. Yeah. Oh shit. I swear to God. I hear a great thing. It's good. Oh, I'm terrible. Kelly Riley, the actress, the place Beth. Oh.
Starting point is 02:15:10 She's the girl that was... I think that looks like Elinor could do a Kelly Riley. Yeah, no, she could actually do that, the cowgirl. I thought you were going to say her name. I thought you were going to say her name. My name. What's her name? Oh, don't.
Starting point is 02:15:21 I thought you were going to say one of those sentences. Karen? That's more accurate. What Bobby's saying is bullshit. I'm more of a hoi the lead No, you can see the girl that plays the other character. You definitely could play her. Yeah, she could You see Just see fucking hell hanging in the stall the Dice shows up I hanging in the stall like the heaven cock and I Dice shows up. I got in the bar. I Got on the box. Oh
Starting point is 02:15:50 Hey, you're not on the show. I talked to Kevin He said you can stick your head out of a stable. Oh, he's gonna feed you a carrot while he reads his monologue Oh, he wants to ride you on a log. Oh! He wants to ride you. What? That's weird. That's fucked up.
Starting point is 02:16:08 Listen. That's fucked up. Elano is pretty. I know. Beautiful actually. I know. Just stunning. My type of girl.
Starting point is 02:16:15 I feel nothing. You throw darts. I'm feeling it. You're so stupid. My wife took out a pair of bikini yellow bikini swim trunks that I bought in 2008 I got it I got shred for you I bought them for me. Oh I bought three red
Starting point is 02:16:41 Vampire red oh boy. I bought an area yellow I bought black and I bought Canary Yellow, I bought Black, and I bought, I think a seafoam green, all the same pair of bikini, they were bikini, but they had a little trim on them, right? They hung a little bit, and I fitted them, and I looked the fuck amazing in them, and I was shredded, and she went, she grabbed me, she goes, what are these? I go, I go I'm wearing these my new I bought these these are my
Starting point is 02:17:08 swim trucks she goes you're not wearing bikini I go I'm wearing them because I never know where I'm gonna be and if I'm gonna look back and no I'm gonna photos in me in these beautiful fucking little tiny swim trunks. I'm wearing these fucking things, I go fuck you. I'm wearing them, I work my ass off. I just lost 80 pounds. Damn. And I had fucking six pack, I had the V.
Starting point is 02:17:35 I was trimming my bush fat again cause I could see my fucking back up. I mean, it was so, I bought everything. And. Man, the idea of shaving your dick hair that looked better. Dude, sounds great. Let me tell you something. We get to a Rubo. So I bought everything and the idea of shaving your dick hair that look make your dick look better Dude sounds great. Let me tell you something. We get to a rubah. I am pack Wow, I go where are my fucking she goes I threw them out. Wow. I go what she goes you're not wearing those
Starting point is 02:17:57 I was fucking really mad. Wow. She's like I go you I regretted that I She was like, I regretted that. I regretted that so fucking much. You know what she did four days ago? She pulled out a fucking pair. She had him. She pulled out the canary yellows. And she goes, I was, no. She's not a fucking, remember my wife?
Starting point is 02:18:20 You can spit these. No, but maybe she goes like this. I was saying something about putting on shorts. She's not a fucking remember my wife and you can spit these no, but maybe why no maybe she goes like this I was saying something about putting on shorts. She goes here put these on and she I go the canary yellows She starts laughing and I I went to go put them on I couldn't get them past my fucking I got them up over my knees and they all that's the only I Ripped them up on my ass and I ripped them up over my knees and that's the only, I ripped them up on my ass and I ripped them over to my, and you could barely see them
Starting point is 02:18:49 cause of my stomach. And I ripped, and I was in the mirror and I go, I could have worn these when they fucking fit me perfectly. And I'll never have you rob me of that. And I picked, and I took them off and I threw him at her. I think if you hold her, she's behind the pool. If you get divorced for that, I think she pays you out. Yeah. It was sad, man.
Starting point is 02:19:16 It was fucking sad. There's nothing worse to me when you lose weight. You have an outfit pair of pants that you really like. And then you get a little too confident. You go, I can have some p-tuck you really like. And then you get, you get a little too confident. You go, I can have some pizza. I can have this. And then you kind of start sliding and then you try to wear those pants again.
Starting point is 02:19:30 And you like fuck. What's the kids did it again, man? The kiss of death for me and Christine is very similar to me in this way. It is someone going like, man, he look great. You're like, well, I'm gonna start eating my shit again. Yeah. Isn't that fucked up? Yeah.
Starting point is 02:19:43 You, you look great. We're going, so this week we could have two shitty days of eating, instead of just one normally do. And it takes a day to gain it all back. This is not. I mean, you'll work so hard, 30 pounds, and in a week it's all back and then some. It's crazy.
Starting point is 02:19:59 It's crazy. And here's the thing too, I actually left the thing on Tim Dillon, he's always posting these photos. I left it was a hamburger with bacon and then it was an egg. And I went, what the fuck, I need this. Something like that. And the amount of fat comments that I got,
Starting point is 02:20:17 I didn't look at them, but some guy was like, dude, why are they so mean to you? It was just like, it was a response to- That's someone who has been a factor whole life. Bobby can't show appreciation for deliciousness and food and amounts of food in front of other people. Yeah, but it's like,
Starting point is 02:20:32 it's like, if I go to the phase and they go, I have to say this, I go stupid. Okay, food probably all sucks in it anyway. I'm not a, I'm not a fan of the egg on the burger, man. What? I can't do it. What, then you don't like Japanese people. I love Japanese people.
Starting point is 02:20:44 And you like the egg on the road me dumb hole for a harbor anger I'm sorry put him in the camps I say because I'm not we still have answers oh they get in country again listen the egg the egg dude I get it but I runny I don't oh yeah well that's the idea I can't do it I can't do runny I get the I get it, but I don't yeah, that's the idea. I can't do it. I can't do runny. I get it for the flavor, but like the Texture I can do it out. I do I love a runny. I love ramen with the egg in it a runny egg. Do you? We got to go to over years anonymous dude. We have to write your passion for a delicious bite of stuff, especially when it's yeah, we don't talk about what's that we do, but we don't talk about not anymore, but I'm saying, we don't, like me and you haven't had a passion to talk about pussy in so long. We've had more about ramen.
Starting point is 02:21:36 Yeah, dude, we've talked about food really passionately. Absolutely, but it's almost my point, but we're also never talking passionately. It's not about like how the something French bistro hit our pallets. It's like, dude, an azeago ranch chicken from Wendy's just cranking it at 3 a.m. is just like, who needs pussy? There's cartoons right on my computer. Dude, when I was on stricken my diet, I got to, because I was not doing any carbs. Yeah. You know, you go to that carb desperation. There was a point where if there were like,
Starting point is 02:22:08 you can either have sex with your wife or have some bread, I was 100% gonna go for the carbs, man. Just 100% pancakes, a waffle, something, man. I think carbs is better than pussy, man. Dude, I'm a big rice guy, and I love rice. If I could live on anything, I would just get a fucking thing of rice. Just regular white rice.
Starting point is 02:22:32 Oh, white sticky. Like sticky, sticky Japanese. I'd like to buzz my own. That type of rice, I would just fucking, my god, but if you had chicken and rice all the time, you'd lose a ton of weight. No, the rice. Something about the carbs fuck me up, dude I don't know what it is a support is has to be porcise dude. I can't do that though. I'm a full-fledged
Starting point is 02:22:53 I am a out and out fucking addict I am not how many sites you're doing a pizza now dude. I was over it. I don't have pizza But I'll tell you the last time I was over it. I was over at Janice Poppest Who is a fatty in the making. He's got a, he's better hold on, because Janice is us. Yeah. Oh, Janice, dude, you see it. He takes it off quick right now.
Starting point is 02:23:16 Once these tea levels go down, once that testosterone starts dying, he's not going to be, and once he gets, and he's happy. Once he gets happy and he ain't leaving the house He's just in front of a microphone can he cuz he's got his Greek and attack. I mean dude He's got all the food me and him. Oh, this one. I knew y'all this was a fatty like me We went to Joe's Ordered a pizza to bring back over here as we waited for the pizza to cook We ate a pizza in slices Jesus two. Two slices and we're back in.
Starting point is 02:23:45 Let's get two more. We're back gonna go to, I mean, we ate more than a pizza. And then we ate that pizza. Then we ate that pizza. We had two, we had a pizza each. Christine just came. I would do it. I'm so happy.
Starting point is 02:23:58 Yeah. My buddy does this. Have you heard of this? He's like a, the movie FATO right now. You got the honey, Jr. I want fucking pizza. This is what he does. He'll order at a drive-through,
Starting point is 02:24:07 and while he's doing that, order a pizza, so when he gets home, there's a pizza there. Oh, God. So he eats his shit in the car, and then when he gets home, like five minutes later, boom, a pizza shows up.
Starting point is 02:24:16 Pretty wild. What I do now for years is I eat two pieces of pizza. Yeah. And then I take off my other two pieces of pizza that would be, if me and Christina are splitting a pizza. Yeah. And then I take off my other two pieces of pizza that would be, if I mean, Christina's splitting a pizza. Right. I take the crusts off of them.
Starting point is 02:24:30 I love this. And then I take all the cheese and mushroom, shit off. Right. And put that on a plate and then like a little fucking weird fat. So I just decorate the crust with slab of cheese, like walking dead masks. I just
Starting point is 02:24:45 I just don't know if it's so sad. Oh my goodness. Christine still has sex with me after she watches me do that. Weird. Not the same night. This is Christine I think is trying to like I think she has a dependence or something. She's trying to feel better about herself. Yeah, she's not she's trying to achieve a goal or try to get some of a ward. She swears. She wants my shirt off She wants me to sleep naked all these things. I'm like you don't want me to for real I don't know how women do it. Hey man. I look at some guys like this a woman that list this man climb on top of her
Starting point is 02:25:15 Yeah, and just pump till he just dumps all up. I just I don't know. Yeah, do it. I'll tell you I think Jay is a great guy Well, it'll fuck me. Oh, yeah, yeah, you don't want to picture me laying on you I'll say it well. Yeah, but we but I'm a what upsets are though. We both have man bodies like we're chubby But I'm still a man and I like I still got you know, I still got guns. No, that's the thing about I think America We get tattoos. Yeah, you know, I mean we have we're an illusion Talking about this in therapy. So we'll get there. I said we said partner with some of the Royal Air Force guys some time. And their bodies like these older like enlisted guys. Oh my god. This is so gooey. Like I remember this one.
Starting point is 02:25:54 He was standing with his hands on his hips. And they were just sinking like one of those memory foam mattresses. I was like this guy is built like a middle-aged nanny. Just no muscle mass at all. It's just fat to the bone. But I think at least American guys, we have at least layer of muscle underneath the fat part. No.
Starting point is 02:26:11 No. Go to 7-11 at fucking two in the morning. Watch a guy walk out with a big gulp and a fucking thing of donuts. But I just think our fat people are different here. I mean, the people that listen to me do it. Go to a truck stop. Watch the fat people. Go down south. I live in Virginia. Yeah, dude, listen to me dude go to truck stop watch the fat people go down south. I live in Virginia
Starting point is 02:26:27 Yeah, dude listen to me dude our fat people look at their ankles look at their legs look at the fucking elbows You know that we have the best fats dude our fat people are fucking Fat go on a cruise ship. Yeah, dude go go on a go on a fucking What are those guys? Dude I was on a joke, what was that guy? Prachal Joker's cruise. Prach, dude, I was on a Prachal Joker's cruise. These two bitches pulled up. A Bobby look at God damn waif. Yeah, dude, I was in shape.
Starting point is 02:26:51 Yeah, you'll get pussy on that thing if you're not in a scooter. Dude, I saw two scooter chicks. They were so fat at the buffet at like three in the morning. They pulled up to the table and just pushed the chairs away in the scooter. Eight over the handlebars Dude I'm not kidding. They didn't get out of the fucking lock do people do they said what a lot of people do
Starting point is 02:27:11 Mike Fenoy was something like a crew's nachos They get like whatever there is like a little bit of meat whatever salad a slice of pizza some pasta They make a taco whatever and then they go to the end of the thing and you could just scoop pasta, they make a taco, whatever. And then they go to the end of the thing and you could just scoop cheese. Oh, yeah. But I saw, I was going to the buffet and the elevated door opened
Starting point is 02:27:31 and there was two massive women with two plates of food, one in each hand. And one, I remember they both had one plate, had pizza, mac and cheese, slice of pizza, mac and cheese, slice of pizza, mac and cheese, on one plate. Man. And first of all, I was like, that's awesome. Like what a great idea, I never thought I'd make it.
Starting point is 02:27:53 She's going for it through just like I was on you. Yeah. They were going back to their room. They were going back to the room. I don't know, I like them. I like a big fucking nut. I like one of my nuts a hot and hanging like a man. Like I like, I don't know, it just makes me feel manly.
Starting point is 02:28:09 When I'm- I have polychipeter listeners that I brought this up. When I'm out and I got my fucking swim trunks on, I'm sitting and I can feel my nut, my big balls. I'm like, yeah, I'm a fucking man. These are my nuts. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't mind a big nut on me.
Starting point is 02:28:23 Yeah, but sit down, sit down's a problem, right. I've sat on my nuts a little bit. I pissed on my nuts one day. I remember that because my shdomink wasn't, you know, was facing down. My, my scoops are fucking big. My scooby snacks are big. So, but I don't mind them. I don't mind having, I feel like it's, you know, it's, you're a man.
Starting point is 02:28:39 You got nuts. You know what I mean? I don't, you ever see a guy with little tiny nuts? That freaks me out. No. I'm not. I'm not. I don't mind them, I don't mind having, I feel like it's you're a man, you got nuts, you know what I mean? I don't, you ever see a guy with little tiny nuts? That freaks me out. No, how would I ever see that? Yeah, you watch a porno, you ever see a porno?
Starting point is 02:28:53 You watch a kiddie porn? Yeah, but like, what do you mean? Like, I never look at the dudes nuts. Dude, you can start, are you fucking out of your own mind? I gotta check a big girl guy with tiny nuts. That's like a, that like a tiny nuts category. Dude, listen, I don't watch that anymore. I'm not saying Google nuts.
Starting point is 02:29:09 Yeah, Google tiny nuts. I'm just saying that. I've never seen an abnoor, like with porn, I've never watched it. First of all, you say that you don't want, you have to see it. There's nothing, I'm not sitting there going, oh, look at these nuts.
Starting point is 02:29:20 I mean, you're making it, you're framing it like that. No, I understand, but I. You've seen nuts. Of course, I've seen nuts. There's no way there's someone in porn with a giant hug. Who has a tiny nuts. There is. Wait, a giant hug with tiny nuts?
Starting point is 02:29:33 Giant hug tiny nuts. Not tiny nuts, but not... Not in relation to the giant hug, yeah. Yeah, little tiny school, little Scooby snacks. I've got some little marbles on me. Yeah, because you're Irish, you got little Irish nuts. Yeah. Yeah, you, little tiny school, little Scooby snacks. I've got some little marbles on me. Yeah, cause you're Irish, you get little Irish nuts. Yeah, you get little, like, they're getting bigger though
Starting point is 02:29:50 as I get older. Oh, they do, that's what it is. They do get, as you get older, I'm 50, going on 51 next month. And yeah, they get bigger. Mine are probably doubled in size in like two years. Yeah, they just get bigger and they fucking sag It's gross. Yeah, I know, but I like it. I'm a man. But there's like a wisdom to them now. Yeah
Starting point is 02:30:10 Yeah, they've been through some shit. Yeah, like they know something They're swirling a fucking bourbon I feel like they represent me like they just hang in there come ask them for advice and stuff. Yeah, yeah, shake them What do you think? Yes or no? They don't say much, but when they do, it's crucial. You listen. Yeah. I mean, it's, I'm having balls makes you, I mean, what's the first thing they cut off when they're making you a girl? Yeah. And that's, well, we were, we were all girls. Did you know that? We were all boys, too. What? No, I'm saying we started as girls. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 02:30:47 We started as both. Not. You start as a girl and then the next drop. I don't know about you, Paul, but I was always a man. I was always a boy, this new age, horseshit. No, I think somebody said that and I believed it. Are you just saying something, somebody said that you don't even know?
Starting point is 02:31:03 We're not. No, it's the have a fact no We were all girls we we start out in conception as girls and then not drop Pretty sure we started as both and then at one point how long and there's one point you you're whatever Picks aside Picks a sometimes it picks both but most of the time it says oh You I believe your clitoris is your penis. Yeah becomes a penis and your vagina lips be our balls If you look at yeah, if you look at a labia, it's just not it's not without the ball. Yeah, you have a Google giant
Starting point is 02:31:39 Yeah, it's just a small Clint giant Clint is a penis. Yeah, really. Absolutely. Three signs you started as a girl. Yeah. I read that to us. We can't, I can't read it. Basically, I'm right. No, you're not. You're not right.
Starting point is 02:31:52 It would just be if you're human. Can you please, yeah, can you please bring up? Nipples are. Don't bring that up, Max. Bring up my question. How long into when you're a fetus? This is just awesome. Three fucking dumb dumb. Yeah, no clue. We've never listened in health class. There's zero science here Oh, it's great. Hey, we started as a girl. I mean, it's the dumbest it may it's the best and this is what you should be coming to for
Starting point is 02:32:15 You know's and for your information is three dumb dumb's upstairs from the comic Cell because we're gonna figure it out right now other people just say shit and leave it out there We're're gonna figure it out right now. Other people just say shit and leave it out there. We're actually gonna figure it out. I'm gonna nerd on a computer right now, trying to figure it out. Are we both at the beginning? What's the date? What date into pregnancy?
Starting point is 02:32:36 Can you figure it out? 11th. You can find out what sex the baby is. You gotta wait, I had a kid, we should know this. Seven weeks or something? I think it's like, yeah, it's like two weeks. So if wait, I had a kid, and we should know this. Seven weeks or something? I think it's like, yeah, it's like, I think it's like two weeks.
Starting point is 02:32:48 So if you were to do two months, a couple, two months, two months or something like that? They do little scan. Yeah, I think at like seven weeks or eight weeks, it's about two months they can get a good picture and like 90% tell you what it is. Yeah, and they were right with us both times. Yeah, they can tell you.
Starting point is 02:33:01 We found out it was good. You can be like, I'll keep it if it's a boy. Whoa, what? You know, what if it's a girl you don't throw it out? Fucking flush it flush it. What the fuck kind of I'm pro life dude. Sorry. You're such a fucking showvinist a pig Pro choice, dude. Stop doing your little act. You don't make sense He's like damn but then make sense you want to kill the baby or not because it's a woman pro choice How is that so you want to because it's a girl? I just believe the women have the option to do what they want But you if it's a woman you throw it down the tubes
Starting point is 02:33:32 It's a you're probably more likely to get rid of how about save the baby and throw a fucking wife down the tubes here We go now we're talking all right listen first. Well. I love I'm joking. I don't know what happened Do we start I asked a question about the wall? We were talking I just fucking scumbag throws a joke because his accent you don't know if it's getting a nod He says if it's a boy keep it if it's a girl flush it I love that this kid is drinking a fucking 24 ounce fucking champagne appears. This is what I was that's fantastic This is provided to me by the host. I guess he's a showstopper I don't think I'm fucking red wine show stuff. I fucking run you can have whatever you want
Starting point is 02:34:06 What do you want? It's too late now. What do you mean it's too late? Huh? I mean? What do you mean you have red wine up here? You don't listen snobboy, okay? This isn't the fucking no I'm not talking about this isn't the LAT fucking island. This is you know, I mean you want to be LAT you want some bourbon we'll get you some bourbon. No bourbon. I'm not getting you a fucking shardin. You want a meldic? The fuck he's got a fucking... Tall boy, we got one. You want one? No, I can't drink that. What does it say? Read it out loud. All right, so this is all human individuals whether they have an XX or an XY
Starting point is 02:34:40 or an atypical sex from a own combination of being developing from the same point. Can you dumb it down please? I don't understand it enough. Oh God. You don't understand it. We're fucked if you don't get it. Yes.
Starting point is 02:34:54 It says we're all we start out as female. Look at the bottom. Look at the end of it. Look at it. Right. Is that what it says? Does that it doesn't it say
Starting point is 02:35:01 that at the beginning no matter what at the beginning you're female and then if the and then if the testicles drop your man a man now yeah Oh, can you answer him? You just I don't say it where at the bottom of which paragraph. Ah, you just got where the purple shit was The highlight the dumbest people with so stupid when yelling at this boy kids science making a YK WD. Science. Science.
Starting point is 02:35:25 I got fucking two chains out. I'm going, we all started as fucking women, right? And then the balls drop. Isn't that right? I'm asking some guy. You're a chick. You don't have to look that up.
Starting point is 02:35:35 I don't even know why I said that to do. I don't know what the fuck. Who cares? I'm just asking, what do we start out as? You know what? I fucking. As chicks.
Starting point is 02:35:43 We start out as female Bobby We're all female at the beginning and If the nuts drop you become a boy and if they don't you stay a female. Where does it say that? He just read it didn't he now? He didn't know he didn't you fucking cunt. Oh, Paul said I saw here We go confidently. I just believe them. Yeah, I know he's here. Do we all start out as female? now Confidently, I just believed them. Yeah, I know he's here. Do we all start out as female? Now Re-signed you started as a girl. That's the same thing. We were once all female science alert look We were all must why are you talking me like I'm not from this country right now. Wait me. We are all I mean
Starting point is 02:36:21 I'm just ready. Okay, but I'm just trying to get to the bottom. I'm glad you found it. All right, here we go. I still don't believe you. What? Look, what does it say? We were all female. Dude, that's so fucking blogged by a female. I don't believe that.
Starting point is 02:36:35 It's called science alert. All right, I believe it now. It may come, listen, I'll read it. It may come as a surprise to some of our male readers, but you, ready? But you all actually started out as females. And then what happens is, yeah, hold on, you're all cold.
Starting point is 02:36:56 No, okay, okay. This is what somebody told me. What happens is, in this either, either the thing, look at you, you're like a scientist. I think, right, if they stay up their ovaries of some shit and if they drop their balls something like that that could be wrong that could be that could be wrong if they stay up I love it if they drop their balls or some shit like that
Starting point is 02:37:17 let me tell you something if they stay up it's an ovary all right and if they drop down they're fucking boys would that be like telling like a mob guy like god Are you something who was a woman? Yo, these look like ovaries to you who started out as a what what are you playing here We're literally in the middle of talking. He's playing something while we're talking Can you pause it please? I'm right. So that worked is that yeah, we're good with the thank you Nice, but I you know, I don't know but I mean, you're right, but I don't like... I really don't like you. Fucking, you're confident Ted talk when you're not at your right. Because two people told me it, so I was glad that it is.
Starting point is 02:37:53 One of them was Bretterance, which is hilarious. And then somebody else said it though, we all start as females and then they drop or they don't. That's what I heard. So luckily I was right. And yours dropped. So did yours? And yours did too, but they were little. Little Irish ones. They that still drop them every year
Starting point is 02:38:07 Irish fucking pebbles could you imagine how your balls are gonna be when you're 70 oh makes your sneeze what do you learn just the big balls yeah it's it's it's it's that we just went on the thing and it was you know you know I don't know how to handle it or talk about it. Yes, that's where we get to right there. The Italian. It's your fucking Italian upbringing that you don't know how to communicate. Let's deal with that.
Starting point is 02:38:40 I want to go inside Anthony right now. I want to get into the, who Anthony is. Let's get to where you are. This is what I say happened, ready? And tell me if I'm wrong. All right. You took the last thing you were thinking about was Dave not being with you when you went down to South Carolina.
Starting point is 02:39:04 Probably. Yeah. And you had all this shit, you went down to South Carolina. Probably. Yeah. And you had all this shit, you're going to sell that fucking gaudy house, which is not selling because it's way priced way too high because you have a fucking gambling addiction, your data 20 year old. Okay. And you have helicopter toys in your garage that you can't get rid of. Okay. Because you waited too long to put them on eBay you Every asshole has a drone now and you still have a fucking full-size helicopter in your garage That's it work
Starting point is 02:39:33 But you you sit to all this shit in the network and you leave in the studio and who's wearing what's happened And this and subscriptions and people and And here you're going down there and everything and you got to get out and here you're going down there and everything, and you gotta get out and here you are, and all of a sudden, hey dude, I'm gonna leave the show. I'm gonna blah, blah, blah, and he got an offer that is, you know,
Starting point is 02:39:59 forget about friends or business, was like this is a solid thing, and I don't know what's happening with you I don't know what's going on I don't and he's like I'm gonna go over here and you're like because you're you're not a fucking dickhead you're not an at your man all right dude do what you gotta do I'll do I would do what I have to do you're gonna do what you have to do so okay but it hurt You're gonna do what you have to do. So okay, but it hurt No, it's didn't hurt. It's frustrating. It's gonna make way stop before you step over that listen to me Stop before you listen. I'm not Kevin Brennan. I'm the opposite
Starting point is 02:40:41 Okay, I give you I give love love Kelly from Aruba. This is a movie. This is a movie of Bob, you know what? When he did that, it hurt. It hurt and you're like, fuck man. I didn't, I thought everything was alright. I thought, you know, and now you gotta deal with this. And it's like, fuck that. But, but Bob, I gotta step in. You're mistaken.
Starting point is 02:41:02 I am not hurt. I don't get hurt. I don't get hurt. Everybody gets hurt. You're not a superhero. No, I don't hurt. Sing the song. Sometimes everybody cries. Even Anthony everybody has to think he wasn't leaving. No, I don't. It's my grosses so atrocious. The trouble with a lot of fucking people these days is that
Starting point is 02:41:39 personally hurt by things. This is business and I understand it 100 fucking percent. I'm not hurt, but it frustrates me. It made me angry at the way things went down because it wasn't, hey, I'm gonna go with this guy. It was, hey, I went with this guy. That's how it, that's how it was. So, so that got me kind of like, you know,
Starting point is 02:42:10 I stepped into the studio Monday thinking, yeah, the day. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just Dave, hi Dave. Yeah. Let's sing this song again. Everybody heard me body hurts. Sometimes. Sometimes. time. We would do in the show together. I was hurt, but I swear he tries, he's trying to analyze me. It isn't a hurt thing. I don't
Starting point is 02:42:36 take these things personally, but I was frustrated. Straight it It is hurt my therapist said frustration and anger is hurt inside out Got you god turn your Gawd inside out I'm on shitty hotel Wi-Fi and this is such an important conversation. I'm so it's better than boss is fucking Wi-Fi Rather than here in Vosko, what's that? It sounds like it's like I'd rather do chip show. Yeah. What's that?
Starting point is 02:43:10 So he was saying, you're saying that he was not, you would not hurt, you would just frustrate him. Well, it was frustrating because it really did. We did talk about, about Crowder and Dave going down and doing Crowder show for a week talk about, uh, about, uh, Crouter and, and, uh, Dave going down and doing Crouter show for week and then Skyping up and again, I had no fucking issues with that.
Starting point is 02:43:32 I, I wasn't into it happening every week or every other week. Like it was going to be two weeks in a row. That's a little much or one week and then one week here and then a week back in Texas. I was kind of like, eh, that's a little much, but I didn't, I wasn't saying, hey, don't you fucking do that. And then with the email, it was just kind of like, hey, I'm doing this now, and I even asked, kind of like, uh, is, is the crowd, is crowd are gunning for you and stuff. And from the impression I got, it was no. And then he did. And again, I get it.
Starting point is 02:44:11 But I have to say something, I have to be like, yeah, it's what it is. I get it. You know, Dave. Right. Dave. No, I get that. And I didn't mean to, I'm trying to,
Starting point is 02:44:23 it's really like coming in. Like it sounds like a guitar is in the middle of your voice because I'm on shit Wi-Fi You're on your phone, right? I was playing everybody. No, I'm on a laptop. Is it on Safari? Is it what are you on Safari? I Don't think so. You need Firefox or Chrome. Yeah. You need Firefox? Oh, Chrome, yeah. Chrome, I get Chrome. Type of Chrome.
Starting point is 02:44:51 Well, come back, go on Chrome and put the URL back. Let me log on on Chrome. Yeah, we're going to trash you some more. So go do that. Just trash me while I'm on Chrome. Hold on, just, I think I'm going to be back. Oh, hi. Hey, anyways, so you got an open spot. Now Kelly's looking for a spot.
Starting point is 02:45:09 I'm going to, I'm going to leave Calta for Kumia. I'm coming down. Yeah. Well, I'm not, I'm not openly searching for a co-host. That doesn't matter. I'm going to step in. I know you, I know you too. You don't have enough feelings to ask me because you don't want to hurt you know you don't want to hurt Dave's
Starting point is 02:45:28 feelings. You're all emotional. I'll step in. I'm all emotional. But let me let me let me ask you something Anthony. Please you do have that. I don't know if it's an Italian thing. I don't know if it's an alpha male, a generational thing. But you, and as a comic, a lot of us are emotionally connected. We wear our hearts on our sleeve. We give very, you know, you know, and we have to, because that's how we analyze things. We take it, we rip it apart, we go fuck that, and we go on stage.
Starting point is 02:46:04 Do you have one of your friends? Say he's not mad, but he's frustrated. It's fucking mad. That's what he doesn't, I didn't hurt his feelings. Go fuck yourself. Like you're talking like my wife talks. No, I'm not, I am not mad. I am frustrated.
Starting point is 02:46:19 Go fuck yourself. I'm not, it's just, is that it? Is that better? It's moderately better. Oh, okay. Well, that was like how I felt. It's really, you know, once people think it's a fucking, you know, a fucking melodrama or a romcom where, you know know we're going to the rom com uh... no i don't get i have a this is a happy bobby
Starting point is 02:46:50 this what i'm happy about for davi that he's moving on because now he doesn't you know forcing him to get a hitler youth haircut to do the show anymore he can actually get a regular hair cut oh yeah because the congress actually a lesbian. It's Christ.
Starting point is 02:47:09 It's the total opposite. He told me I had to have a progressive haircut to balance him out. Correct. So now, I mean, it is, you guys made a great couple, if I say it in a side-queer way. I mean, Dave Landau, when you look at do, when you made a great couple, if I say it in a sidequeer way. I mean, Dave Landau, when you look at, when you look at for somebody and you pick Dave,
Starting point is 02:47:30 I was like, I was like, I love Dave, but I was like, that is so fucking out of left field. But then when I saw him, I'm like, it's so perfect. This is so beautiful. There, I mean, two years. It's so subtle. Really good. Really great shows. Perfect. There's no one in there. I mean, two years. So subtle. Really good.
Starting point is 02:47:45 I know. Really great shows. Yeah, I mean, there's no, I'm not, like I said, and that's what I kind of wanted to tell Dave, was obviously with the way things went down, I, because of the show, I have to get on and have fun with it. And the way we have fun is Boston Balls. And it wasn't anything personal.
Starting point is 02:48:10 I'm not gonna sit there and, you know, badmouth anybody about that you or crowd or anything. But I gotta make some jokes. You know, I can't just be like, oh well, I guess, yeah, it's you. You know, I had to make some jokes. The Kevin Brennan thing, Kevin Brennan snuck into our studio. Oh, I know. I don't blame you on that at all.
Starting point is 02:48:31 And went on. Aaron actually text me after I go, Anthony, I want you to know, we didn't even book Kevin. He just came in and said, and I just thought it would be hilarious because everyone's speculating who's after his co-hosts going to be now. And it's like Kevin Brennan, ha ha never happened that so it's funny he's there and go sit in the chair yeah my co-host Kevin Brennan who would never be my co-host but it was it was a funny show it was ball-busting it was whatever it is but Dave I got no fucking problems with you I don't have a problem I understand what you're doing
Starting point is 02:49:04 what you you know that you want to move on you have to do what's a problem. I understand what you're doing, what you, you know, that you want to move on, you have to do what's best for you. I'm not the guy that's going to hold anyone to anything and go, hey, you, you don't do that. Because I said, let's, you know, you sit there and do a show with somebody that resents you. Yeah, that's fucking, I did that for 20 fucking years. It's not fun. So that's not the issue. I thought it really came out of the blue. I saw it coming, but it's because I saw it coming. It wasn't like I was told or anything. So, you know, that's the only, and that's the only kind of thing that I have a problem with with this. And it's not even that big a problem.
Starting point is 02:49:48 I still have like utmost respect for you as a comic and a broadcast earner, just a good guy. Yeah, with me, like I just thought, am I coming through? I hope so, so much. Yeah. When we talk three weeks ago, I called you because we were trying to talk in studio. And we would sit there and then I look over and like, Loube is just looking over at us. Or we're sitting on the couch like a couple of fruits and people are coming in and out.
Starting point is 02:50:14 And it's like, yeah, we kept trying. And then we even tried to have the conversation across the street. And then there's like, bombs coming up. It's just like, God damn it. So when I called you and I said, you know, you said, are they making an offer? I said, yeah. And I was considering it only for the stability
Starting point is 02:50:31 of South Carolina. Not that I wasn't gonna go back on your show or not anything, but I was what I was considering because I didn't know. You said you weren't 100% sure what was gonna go on with that. And I know you're selling your house and at that time I thought that. Fucking Bobby.
Starting point is 02:50:48 It's gonna fucking be a rust bucket with vines growing through the fucking kitchen. Nobody's buying that fucking stupid house. Go ahead, sorry, Dave. Don't worry. Jesus Christ. He's the one. You're not, you're not helping him.
Starting point is 02:51:03 Oh, sorry, Dave, go ahead. The house is garbage. Go ahead. He's the one you're not you're not helping him House of garbage The last thing I would ever want to do is not do radio with you wherever disrespect you and the reason why that It was the resignation letter that I sent earlier shut the fuck up. I was just wondering what you did. Even though it was the last thing you'd ever want to do. Oh my god, I didn't have to instigate it. I'm sorry. I did. We look, there was no need to be hurt. He's not hurt. If you met him, I don't get it. That's my job. The guy is fucking embedded. He has a superhero. No, one, you know what my kryptonite is you know
Starting point is 02:51:46 what hurts me yes I do it's taste I'm just girls no one else nothing else pretty close relationships with girls have hurt me over the years anything else don't give a fuck yeah that's true and if they do hurt you, you're just saying you're fighting by a little more loop. So bad day. So one. Sorry. It's just no expression of tape. Expression feelings to a person who has no feelings. Go. Fortunately, I like men.
Starting point is 02:52:26 It's a huge issue, but I have three lesbian moms. Yeah, she's raised by lesbians. Oh, that's cool. That's cool. Yeah, I know a couple of friends of mine are. Lesbians? Yeah, well, Don's friends up and her best friends up will we live or two moms? Don is a good voice.
Starting point is 02:52:42 Shoot a lesbian name. And they have the fathers, the two fathers are gay. What a dream. So everybody has AIDS. And no, Jesus Christ, it's lesbians. That's right, guys, that's why I'm working in Cellar. That's right, that's why I'm working in Cellar. Everyone has AIDS, am I right folks?
Starting point is 02:52:59 Yeah. Two dads, two moms. No, the dads who donated the yeah where gay so the dads were gay and they and gave them the sperm to have and that the kids go to the sea and that the dad's
Starting point is 02:53:14 actually how they have they created coven uh... that expected that was a it was a little on lab they made that quadruple gay baby and it unleashed COVID on to society. Do you think like babies? They allowed the kids are I mean they've just hold on he was about to say something.
Starting point is 02:53:32 Oh shit. I said I don't think they allow that in China. Double gay babies. That's true. They were fucking. They were just like double gay. It's like double champ. Double double champ. It is funny. I wonder if the boys though, I just, they're not gay. I don't think they're gay. They're too young, one of them is,
Starting point is 02:53:51 but I think they're. Because it's nature and nurture. They're being raised by gays and they're made from gays. It's like a hundred percent that these kids are gonna be gay. You're right. No, no relation, that's not it. Me and my sister are, you know nothing about the subject.
Starting point is 02:54:04 Yeah, I don't know what you're doing. I don't, it doesn't make you gay. You're right. No, no. No, no. That's not me. Me and my sister are you know nothing about this subject. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't. It doesn't make you you're gay. You guys know nothing about science. I love it. Sounds like a closeted gay man who's like there. Everybody else is gay. I'm parents are straight. So I'm straight. That sounds horrible. Okay. I've been gay. I've been gay for the bit like eight times. I'm not afraid of my gayness. I suck Bobby Kelly's dick on fucking camera. That's okay, that was disturbing. What the fuck is that? Who the fuck are you talking to, bro?
Starting point is 02:54:31 I suck his dick, bro. Why suck his fucking dick? He will fight you. I know, I know. And you won't go to the same train. He goes to him still. I know, I just can get away with your little dick. Did you fucking, you fought, you actually fought it, dude, right?
Starting point is 02:54:44 I did fight it, God. How did that go? I won. Hell yeah. I'm under bearded. Yeah, you did, but here's the thing, the dildo, you bought the dildo. I did, I fought it.
Starting point is 02:54:52 You don't have a bit about this in my act now, right? No, I don't want to hear it. You fucked the dildo. No, he bought a dildo, we had a blowjob competition. A friend of mine, Bailey J, who was like, the number one trans-poin star in the world, is a good friend of mine. And he is a good friend of mine.
Starting point is 02:55:05 So we had a blowjob competition, life. And- So he goes to me, he goes, he, you wanna do this? And I'm a young comic, right? I'm impressionable. He's taking advantage of me, by the way. This is my personal need to- That's what he does, yeah.
Starting point is 02:55:16 It's really true. So I was like, I wanna do this. Anything to get on stage, whatever, let the sellers right when they opened up the village on the ground for comedy shows. It was like this big deal, 250 people, live podcast recording taping. And I bought the Dildo, which is the problem. He bought his deck. I bought it, I bought, no, it was white, it was a five inch, it was like a, it was a four and three quarter inch deck. It couldn't have looked any more like Bobby's deck. It was misshapen, it was miscolored.
Starting point is 02:55:41 But I put it, my deck is nice. Really? Yeah, I got to say. Let's see. was miscolored. But I put it, my dick is nice. Really? Yeah, I got that fuck. Who would know? Well, it was nice. Let's put it there. It used to be nice. Now it's... What happened to it?
Starting point is 02:55:50 Now it's hidden. It's hidden in between a thiz and stomach. It's inside. It would take a lot to get it. It's inside. Yeah, you'd have to... It doesn't have to be tight. It's in a skin action type of kidnapping thing.
Starting point is 02:55:59 Yeah, let's forget it out. I see. I see it. It's lost to shit. It knows what it wants and it's not coming out for any. Yeah. He would have to be eating his ass. You guys are fucking sticking something in his head. Yeah. So, but he what happened the reason why it look
Starting point is 02:56:11 real is that I put it through my zipper. So instead of holding it up, I put it through the zipper. So it looked like he was sucking my so I go first, right? And I really like I'm competitive. So I really want to stop you. I'm going to stop you right now what you're lying You've sucked a dick because the technique he used no, I've had my dick stuff I've had my dick sucked well you went I Spent on it. I need to know you went like this you went Down and then you re-tilt back to the right.
Starting point is 02:56:45 I put my hand in between his legs, and grabbed his ass cheek, and I pulled him into my face. Woo! The crowd, by the way, the crowd, standing ovation. I didn't know any of these were effective. At this point. But the girl, hold on, hold on, hold on. It's supposed to be 30 seconds.
Starting point is 02:57:00 The buzzer goes off, I keep going. I keep, I'm like, I'm choking tears of rolling down my face. I'm literally filling up. Tears rolling down my face. The crowd's chanting my fucking name. That's it. How did you knock it hard?
Starting point is 02:57:13 I was. Yeah. So then I was, but I had a dick in front of my dick holding my dick down. Thank God. He did so good. The my friend. The whole I hope that's not why it didn't,
Starting point is 02:57:24 that's what happened. She was just smart. Billy J. It's her turn to go. I was like follow that and I dropped the mic. I was like follow that bitch. I said that's your drop the dead. He dropped a dick. Yeah, and then she goes she goes. Yeah. I'm good. I forfeit. So I just stuck this dick on stage for no reason. For no reason. Cracked losing their fucking mind, but here's what's funny now it is 10 years later Everyone can just literally just screen crack grab a thing on their phone. So now there's just a 38-second clip of me sucking like he's thought I saw Bobby Kelly's deck on stage. I did You're like I saw
Starting point is 02:57:58 People see it I have people hit me up like dude. What the fuck like what happened? But I have to to my son one day. I have to sit him down and show it to him be like listen this is what a bit is And his son of my son or best friends and I'm going to have to tell my son to this how you bitch something like you make somebody a bitch when when when when shapel gave everybody a chain with his name on it and I'm like I The Chappelle gave everybody a chain with his name on it. And I'm like, what? I literally, you know, living man's, you know, like living man, fuck is wrong with you. What kind of self respect a human being
Starting point is 02:58:36 is gonna wear a living man's theme around their neck? I understand everybody wants to go to the fucking farm and do the comedy, whatever, right? So you put the chain around your neck, but like this is not some fucking documentary about some crazy like Indian Sherpa on Netflix I am a I have a sufi necklace that I wear
Starting point is 02:59:02 Sufi necklace that I wear. Thank you so much. Yes. I would wear the Dave necklace if I was hanging from a rafter. Okay. I just, I couldn't believe it. And I said it once on like, brilliant idiots. And then like, I guess Donnell got all upset about it. And I'm like, we're comedians.
Starting point is 02:59:20 Like, you got a man's name on your neck that's alive. That's alive. There's like one guy in history you can wear on your neck. Jesus is the only guy and then that's totally okay. Everybody else, what do you put on your neck for? Throw a bottle. Are we throw a bottle at the staff? Oh my God.
Starting point is 02:59:41 Oh my God. That's a beautiful. One girl I dated, we got like a male escort to come over and she blew him in front of me. And it was kind of hot, but it got weird after like, I had jealous like the third time we did it. That's because she made you leave the room original. What the fuck are you doing?
Starting point is 02:59:56 Of course, that. These waters suck. You can't open them without them squeezing on your face. It's like my dad. If you get a horse, I will fucking you. You would come over and ride it. Absolutely. Yeah, you would fuck my dad. If you get a horse, I will fucking... You would come over and ride it. Absolutely. Yeah, you would fuck my hero.
Starting point is 03:00:09 Dude, I got the best saddle ever. Nobody's had a fucking saddle like this. It plays iTunes. I drop mud. You sure you don't want to sandwich? I hate to do this. This is the most mush moment ever. But hey, mush, give me my hundred back.
Starting point is 03:00:23 Oh! Oh! What's this? What's this? This is the most mush moment ever, but hey mush, give me my hundred back. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm not saying that you did it. Relax Liz. All right. Liz, it was funnier if he didn't. Yeah, thanks for being the break of comedy. I don't know. I can't save this show. YKWD fans, you are the best fans in the fucking world.
Starting point is 03:01:01 Musashi! What is it? I was saying thank you. What's Mashe! What is this? What? I was saying thank you. What's Mashe? What's Mashe? What's Mashe? What's Mashe?
Starting point is 03:01:10 Arigato! Domo! Don't do that ever again. Alright. I find it too adorable and I would want you to... Robert! I don't have that! Moshe Mashe!
Starting point is 03:01:19 Why do I... You do it. It's not adorable. He does it. It's adorable. You do it like an American... ...not a sail adorable. You do it like an American. I'm Sally. Oh, Mossey Mossey.
Starting point is 03:01:27 Oh, Oh, God, it's on page. Oh my God. You're lucky we're behind the paywall. What are you talking about? We're seven
Starting point is 03:01:34 and I think I think I Why is that better? I'm in a minute, dude. Get off me. I'm in different markets.
Starting point is 03:01:41 What you want? What you going? That is so a nonsense. Listen, dude. We're going to go. Dude, I love you guys. I don't know. Patreon.com. That's so offensive. Listen, dude, we gotta go. I love you guys, patreon.com.com.
Starting point is 03:01:49 If you're in Japan, make sure you check out Big Worm, little princess, my new cartoon coming out on the Kyoto Network. This is not representative of Big Worm, little heart. Not even me. That's so offensive. See you guys next week on You Know What's In The Hall. Yeah, I don't forget to get a wiki for the true talk. Not even me. That's so offensive. See you guys next week on You Know What Dude? Yeah, and then forget the guy to wicket for a true dog. It's not a billi-ass set.
Starting point is 03:02:08 Best, best, best, best thing you're for a true fucking parcel of me. Stop it. Stop it. Hey, stop it. You drink some water after haze. See ya. Bye. Bye. I will see you guys next week. You know what, dude? See you next week. You know what, dude? Bye.
Starting point is 03:02:22 You know what, dude? We'll see you next week. See you guys next week on You Know What, bye. You know what, dude, we'll see you next week. See you guys next week on You Know What, Dude, You Know What, Dude. We hope you like it. Thanks for being part of my Patreon. You know what, dude, you know what, dude, later. A-W-D podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.
Starting point is 03:02:59 you

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