Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Big Jay Oakerson - Guitars Bedroom
Episode Date: August 10, 2020This episode is brought to you by Tushy! Go to HelloTushy.com/Dude to get 10% off your order and free shipping! We're joined by Big Jay Oakerson here to talk uncomfortable fetishes, what counts as poo...l horseplay and being on the campaign trail for President of Legion of Skanks! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Yeah baby, we're starting the podcast right now!
We're back, you know what to do live.
Welcome everybody to the show.
YKW
I'm YKW
I started the social media podcast.
I'm the VAC
YKW
I'm YKW
I'm YKW
I'm back again.
I'm old school, back in the day.
We're all starting before them all.
YKW
I'm YKW
This podcast is so fun and crazy.
And there's no rules.
Shut up! You ruining this! I'm sorry! My king died. This podcast is so fun and crazy. And there's no rules.
Shut up, you ruining this.
For the more damn amount of this,
sorry, it's comedy podcast.
This is an NPR.
That's the podcast done.
Is there any better show?
This is the original.
Original.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh. We're here. You know what, dude? What? I mean, there was a weird little ending
to the thing. I think Mike ended it too early. Like he, because he's a nervous little
fucking chubby, fingered fucking spaniato. What is wrong with you, Lailie? You're like extra you're like a cat who got beat
You're like you're like extra nervous
Just we think that haven't seen another person in a week
So we'll take a walk you fucking weird out
To be in time we long for that when you get older. Yeah, go drive to our truck stop and jerk an old guy off give some love
Spread the word we got a very special guests tonight who I adore I've grown to love even more over the years
He's a very sweet guy
He's a beautiful man it bugs me that his
Fattness is proportionate which bugs me?
He's like he's like straight all the way down. I have some questions about that tonight. I have some fat questions with definitely, oh, I mean, and my culture,
of course, here who ruined YKWD. I mean, really has taken it to the fucking ball and just
saboteur. I like a fucking missile hitting the side of a submarine came in and killed the
show. It was it was just being here was enough. Um guys, good to see you guys. Good to see
you, buddy. How are you, Big J Mike and Mike and Bobby. I'm doing good, man. Doing good.
Did you considered? Did you survive the hurricane today? Yeah, it turns out of the hurricane. in my ink and Bobby I'm doing good man. I did you just considered.
Did you survive the hurricane today?
Yeah it turns out you know the hurricane.
If you remember hurricane Sandy like destroyed everything I own.
So dude I forgot dude what a fucking story this point.
Where were you for that Jay?
Free port Long Island which is like none of bend, it's like a water front town.
Yeah, I didn't live there, but it doesn't matter.
If you live two blocks in from that,
it came down like a wall of water, it was crazy.
The area where I grew up in Saigon Island was decimated.
I mean, my grandparents, my great grandparents
built their house there, 60, 70 years ago,
and the whole five blocks in the beach decimated. There's definitely a funny visual though of me. I
stayed behind because the year before there was a hurricane that
just put like, you know, less than six inches of water in the
bottom of the basement. Yeah. Still, but it still destroyed so much
of our shit. And I was like, if I was there and kind of like, even
bailed the water, like maybe it would have been, would have been
so bad. So I stayed behind this top.
And we were starting to bail that water
15 minutes, it was up to my knees.
And I was like, oh, goodbye, everything I own.
You're in the house, though.
This was, you were renting this house, right?
No, it was my ex wife's mother's house technically.
So your ex wife's mother's house,
didn't you have to save like your daughter?
Did you have to save lives?
No, so my daughter was, my daughter was at a friend's house.
It was at higher ground.
So I stayed behind when my ex-wife and my daughter
went to their friend's house and I was like,
I'll stay behind and see if I could do anything
to stop it from being terrible.
And then when it got terrible, I told my ex-wife,
I was like, hey, you know what?
Like come back to me, like come back and grab me.
Like I'm going to go.
This is too much.
And when she came and got me and we left, we grabbed the dog that we had at the time.
And like my backpack with like a laptop and it was anything we could try to kind of grab
and got in the car.
And then we were trying to outrun a wall of water like a fucking Jake
Jill in hall movie
And then it went up it went up to like the side of the windows
What and we're like we're gonna have to like it just shut the car off and we're like we have to get out
And we opened the car and the water all came inside
It was holy shit
It was me carrying the dog over my head with a backpack with my laptop in it.
And my ex-wife gets out of the car and just starts crying
because she realized at that point,
we're not gonna be able to get to our daughter.
I'm like, we're gonna fucking die.
If we don't get out of this,
it was like sparking fucking electrical lines.
And she was like, oh, it was crazy.
That's crazy.
And then it just, it got to like the front step
of our upstairs, it killed the basement,
which is basically where I lived. And the upstairs, it got to like the front step of our like upstairs, it killed the basement, which is basically where I lived.
And the upstairs, it got like the front step of the upstairs and then just it stopped.
That was the end of it.
But it's still like everything like clothes, everything was destroyed.
I was in Chicago filming a TV show.
Sirens.
It was a week before that, I did fucking opian Anthony and fucking
Kumiya that asshole had whooping cough. And he just gave it to everybody, right?
That's like a few weeks long problem, isn't it?
Good. It was death. So it was probably two weeks before that.
I get this whooping cough.
Dude, you'll die.
And I'm a fat guy.
So I remember, so Sandy comes.
I'm in Chicago.
We film.
I can't go home.
Nobody can go home.
The guy Tom Sleddy, who, you know, one of the producers, he has to rent the car and go
home because his family doesn't have power. Like, they're dying. Like shit just went south. I'm like, fucking, I'll
just don'ts in the city. However the fuck she was. I don't even know where she was. I'll stay.
I'll stay another night. What's that? I think you were still in the city at that point.
I said, I'll just stay here. She's like, I get this beautiful hotel, the David hotel,
upscale.
I get a fucking great deal on it.
And I remember being in the bathroom taking a shit.
And I started to cough, the whooping cough.
I cough so much, I pass out.
I wake up, I pass out taking a shit, I wake up, now mine
you this hotel is like a Poudic hotel. It's like sleeping in heaven. Everything's white,
the fucking walls of white, the door, the sheets, everything's white.
But you're by the dial like Elvis.
Dude, I wake up, I'm fucking, I'm just just my lips and numb and I'm just smashing my head against the door the white door
The whole door is blood. I'm just fucking
Fucking we're a seizure. Well, you I don't know if you have a diss when you're a kid
You haven't you have when I was a kid. We used to play that game where you you
Hold your breath you high prevent the late hold your breath
You pass you pass out and you'd wake up and you're fucking
You'd be fucking vibe. That's what I was doing. I was fucking my head was just I was just in a position
I was like hunched over and my head was just banging against the door
You could get me a witch
Do we have video game glitch
Yeah, this guy's a walk in wall. And it was wrecking Ralph.
Dude, it was fucking a trojus.
And I remember I was too embarrassed to call downstairs so I cleaned everything up.
It just looked like I murdered a hooker.
It was fucking terrible.
Guess when a forensic files comes in with the blue light, sees that you have blood everywhere.
Dude, that Sandy was fucking tough.
This was pretty crazy today, dude.
Fucking, when you live in the country,
I was gonna say it was a bad where you were like,
like my ex, you know, Carla,
Carla, a tree got knocked down the backyard,
but that's it.
And then by 4 p.m., by the way,
it was beautiful sunny skies.
Yeah, it was beautiful.
It's nice out now, but the backyard, to see these fucking trees ripping back and forth.
Yeah, just to see like, ah, fuck, and there's nothing you can do.
There's fucking you just like, all right.
Did your above ground pool get decimated?
No, dude, you know what happened last night?
Luckily.
You brought the ladder in.
If he had decimated the pool, no hurricane will. You brought the ladder in.
If he has a lot of the pool of no hurricane. Well, it's a very valid point.
I said, I don't think you should be a radio guy.
You should be an investigator because you have very quick skills.
You can't.
I, uh, no, I woke up this morning.
I look at every morning.
I look out the pool.
I look on the pool.
I go, the pool's empty. Don't go. It's not. I was just out there. I go, what the fuck? I go up this morning. I look at every morning. I look out the pool. I look on the pool. I go the pool's empty
Don't go. No, it's not. I was just out there. I go what the fuck I go on half empty one of the hoses popped off last night
So the hose popped off and emptied out until the fucking filter so it was just half empty
Which actually worked out my favor because the rain and all that shit would have filled it
Maybe overflown it, but so I it's the pool's spotless right now
I fucking cleaned it, it's all back to normal
not fucking have $350 pool is back in action baby.
Do you have a deck around it or is it just...
It's a $350 pool I'm gonna buy a deck, what the fuck is wrong?
I didn't realize it was $350 pool.
I don't know the above ground pool price.
White trash as I am, I don't know the above ground pool price. White trash as I am.
I don't know the above ground pool price.
350 bucks at job lots in techs.
You put it into its PVC piping.
There's no nuts.
There's no bolts.
There's nothing that it's all done by physics and the 4500 gallons of water push against
the PVC pipe and lock everything to place.
And as long as it's on level ground and you know, fucking kick off the sides, you're all right.
Supposed you're playing a dangerous game. That's a lot of thought you have to put until
a swim. Every time I go in, I'm fucking.
All pooled, will be taken down by Marco Polo. Every time a minute.
You were at the SDF to stay right in the middle, so you don't just play the energy too.
a minute. You were at the SDF to stay right in the middle. So you don't displace the energy.
Now you guys got to come up, dude. You got to come up before the summer's up. I love to for sure. We'll do a little a little BBQ. I'll I'll do a I'll do some ribs on Sean
O'Donnell's Sean Donnelly's fucking smoker. You let us all swim. We were able to swim last time I came up to place
in the neighbors yard, but like, uh,
it's the problem with you bringing too many comics up.
At a 10 comics, seven of them,
seven of them might now fought half.
50% will not respect whatever the, you know,
we can do this, but like little caveats,
they'll never like, hey, you guys can use the pool. Just do me a favor. I don't like
Don't smoke joints in the pool and then Bobby goes to the bathroom for a second everyone's just
Dead listen to me first of all kata. It's not it's not 50% of the comics. It's fucking Jay
Lewis and that crew, okay?
Jay doesn't break rules like that.
That's not Jay.
Jay, you broke a fucking float.
No, I didn't.
Who broke a float?
There's not a chance I broke a float.
I would have never in a million.
I would never, I would trust.
Who took, who?
At an awkward enough that I would break a float.
So I wouldn't fuck with a float.
I wouldn't do it.
Who took Lewis, who took Lewis's,
Jay Gomez is fucking pants when he got changed and and took
off. So his naked run around my 78 year old lady Dolores is
fucking house. There was a naked Puerto Rican running around.
Well, now we're talking now. We're saying that's breaking the rules
then yeah, then it was me.
Okay, if as we were going to call breaking the rules,
I know. Okay, if that's what we're gonna call breaking the rules, then
I know it first of all, it's so dangerous.
Kyle, the pool had algae in it because she didn't shock it for a little bit.
So she wasn't home and I didn't really take care of it.
So we jumped in.
It was fucking green.
Well, it was it was murky to say the least nobody gave a fuck.
We called the lake.
Yeah, it was called the lake.
Yeah, nobody gave a fuck, but the lake gave us a road just called the lake yeah nobody gave a fuck but it was uh yeah that barbecue was crazy that was uh you I don't know where you got COVID from that shit's growing in your lungs all that green
fucking old from being in that pool I see you have the antibodies you have the
antibodies Bobby I got the antibodies but never got sick. I did get sick very
lightly a very light COVID really so you sure was that was that that would happen
when you had the you had a parasite the parasite was a couple like a month ago
that was that was terrible that was a fucking nightmare yeah especially
especially being around Lewis when it came back. That was just shitting, I was just shitting my pants.
Lewis was just laughing at me.
Yeah, he was telling it, you know what's funny?
I didn't equate those two things
to you shitting your pants.
Lewis just told us to shitting the pants story
and not that you were violently sick.
You just made it seem like once in a while
you shitting your pants and you had the whole,
when he did describe that maybe laugh so hard
was that it was like you were
handling it like like you had a shit your pants protocol that you go through
this up. Shit my pants again. All right.
How to get the wipes time to put my foot up on a 45 degree angle.
It's more or less true. He's been through your kind of like a pro at shit in your
pants. Well, the reason why I'm a pro is I have a seven year old.
You know what I mean? So that kid shits or pukes in the car anywhere.
I mean my wife had like a pit crew.
We have fucked in boom.
He's back.
We got to change it close.
So I just applied the same, uh, same shit to me.
I was on the back of the truck trying to load shit, trying to, you know, try to get
Lewis Lewis.
Can you get me the, get me the chairs?
You can back with one chair and then go make a phone call and then tweet five times get the other
Chairs, we can tell me to get the other chairs. I told you get the chairs. You know, so we were doing that fucking Lewis and Bobby thing.
You should have had him squirt a hose up your ass or something. Oh dude, it was bad. I
Shit and he immediately started
I shit and he immediately started laughing. Which immediately started laughing.
And then I go into the woods, the deep woods.
And I'm just sitting there in barris, pants down,
trying to wipe my baby wipes in fucking toilet paper.
And then I'm trying to be conscious of the woods
because I don't want to leave it.
You know what I mean?
Because anybody else would have just...
What?
Shit, it goes right back into the woods.
Of all the things you're gonna gonna left the toilet paper and the baby
Webs I didn't want to leave two rains. It's all gone
This is a thing that recognize about yourself sometimes too if I was walked through the woods and I saw human shit
I'd be like what a scumbag fuck that would come out here and just shit
Not to cover it with dirt or fill it put a hole or something
But if I shit in the woods you're right. I'm trying to get away as fast as I would think twice about.
I would leave the shitty leaves everywhere.
I would take it to the same guy.
So I know I'm not that guy.
I'm a bushcraft party boy.
We don't do that.
We leave away.
We came in.
I dig a hole.
I take, I take out, I take out what I brought in even if it's shit.
Fucking bear grills over here. I didn't realize you were such a
I think I've ever made the when you go camping have you ever made the
toilet system with like the hanging wooden shit. I didn't make the toilet. There's another way
you can do it. You find a tree and at at the bottom of the tree, you dig like,
maybe six inches deep hole.
So then you just, you take your pants down,
you back up on the tree and slide down,
and then use the tree as like a chair.
So you, all your precious on that.
So you're pretty much squatting,
and the tree's holding you up, and it's fucking,
let me tell you something, squatting outside
and taking a shit, the best shit you'll ever have.
It's the way.
That's the most vulnerable.
I'd be worried Jason was gonna come out
and chop me up with a machete the whole time.
I'd be worried if it was dark, for sure,
I'd be worried about the creepy crawlies
and the horrors of the dark woods.
In the daytime, all I would think is somebody can see.
And also, you go with people who would like,
if you made them promise, they wouldn't come look.
They'll come look and try to film it,
and then it'll be posted online.
It's just fucking, I don't shit in public bathrooms
unless I have to.
I'll shit anything.
And I'll make my whole day based around my,
when I was on the Mayhem Fester or Oddball tours,
those ones where I went on a tour bus,
I would set my alarm to wake up in the mornings
because I wanted to go into the public bathrooms
before the crews were even doing their thing.
When they would go go in the showers
and it would be like communal showers,
like the backstage for artists or whatever.
Yeah, I would never.
What I would do is I'd also wake up early enough that if I just says I'm on fire today
too, that if a Schumer or Zee's were the biggies on one of those tours and Sebastian whatever,
I don't know who's was who's but before they even put the names on them and start figuring
that shit out, I would go inside backstage and find the
most lavish green room and just really take a wide-leg shit. I'd go through my... I'd... where's...
what's the wifi I'd ask and I'd sit there and just... I would take a nice longy. I didn't get...
I was... I tried to shoot him, but it goes in and just sees a fucking dump. The same size of hers.
and just sees a fucking dump, the same size of hers. No shit.
The best part was coming out of all that and walking with like, you know, and basking
all shorts with a shower and a towel and like my bath, your bath fucking brush or whatever
and walking by the line of people dressed in like, you know, dock and shirts getting
ready to come in to a fucking metal festival.
Dude, I, I'd say what?
I'll shit anywhere. I have no say what I'll shit anywhere I have no problem
I'll shit any bathroom anywhere I sat in
Someone's piss once didn't even fucking buzz me I sat down. I was like ah fuck I got piss
I just fucking took a shit I wiped it off I fucking kept going I saw I saw our mythbusters and they said piss don't hurt
So I was like alright, I'm good. I mean I've I saw our mythbusters and they said piss don't hurt. So I was like, all right, I'm good.
I'll tell you, I've, I've, I've two of the very few times
I've shit in a public place that's like populated,
like a restaurant or something like that,
where you have to go.
Two of the few times I've done it,
I've left a phone there, never to get it again.
Because I just wanna get out of there so fast
I don't even think about it.
I just like, well, the last time I look at a piece of paper
and I'm like, all right, there's no brown on it. I am fucking up and out. I can't wait think about it. I just like, well, the last time I look at a piece of paper and I'm like, all right, there's no brown on it.
I am fucking up and out.
I can't wait to get out.
If you shitting the seller, bathroom of food.
I've shitting this whole fuck yeah.
Yeah.
Really, right?
Oh yeah.
You are, I mean, a reaching your foot out away
from the audience who's gonna want you.
I shitting the seller and then went and did a set and the guy in the front row recognized
my sneakers.
Oh, shit.
And I pointed down he went like this.
That was me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just take an emergency shit at crackers, broad ripple indeed,apolis once.
I remember the place I've had to do this.
Crackers brought ripple.
It was in the green room, the bathroom, which was nice.
But there was two doors in the bathroom and the other one goes right.
It's for all the kitchen workers and staff.
Yeah.
So I was also in the staff bathroom.
But those people had to go to the bathroom at different points.
When I was really in there, I prepared to sit down and be like, this is a, I don't feel
good shit.
So we're going to be in here probably the entire feature set.
And then you hear the, when you hear the staff talking about who's taking so long
and then you're just like, oh, man.
And then when I never emerge on that side, they're going to know it's me.
It was so humiliating.
I hate it.
I really, it's one of my least favorite things to do.
Airports.
Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark. Mark. Mark. Mark. Island. Remember, Mark. Island. The off the hook, the original. Yeah. Do I hope that
guy gets eaten by a shark? One of the few people in this business, and I would just
fucking gladly take a fat shit. I fuck that guy. Why? Tell me why? Tell me. I know a couple
of my friends hate him. Tell me what? The last time I did the first time I did it, you
realize you go, okay, he seems are he's a hand job, but like I knew the gig was stupid anyway
I did it it was ended up being like fun overall
It was a cool place. You were still too much. I came by myself. So it was kind of dumb
but it was whatever now he's moved it over to
four Myers four Myers. Yeah, and I did it over there the last time and
I told him that my contract was due Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
They had accidentally started promoting a Sunday show.
But I would I said to them because I had fans asking about it.
And I was like, no, I'm not there Sunday.
So he goes, oh, yeah, we'll fix it.
You get out there already.
Is he a fucking hand job?
You have to call captain, bro.
You have to call jerk off, dude.
But he's a he picked you
up for press just like Craig Glazer used to do from a Stanford Suns because they want
to be on the press the whole time.
I'm down to San Francisco think about it.
Yeah, you know, I mean I've got five hookers waiting for me.
I do cocaine.
I rob fucking I rob cocaine addicts and I fucking was a common.
We got big jig.
Oh, come on down think about it. That guy is such a fucking comrade. was a common. We got big jig. Oh, come on down. Think about it.
He's such a fucking comrade.
Well, he's dead.
Don't speak ill.
He was such a knob too.
But he was funny.
He used to pick you up to do press and a lotus, like pretty woman.
But Captain Brian, Captain Brian picks me up in his fucking car.
And he goes, hey, while you're here,
he goes, would you mind like doing, because he goes, what's the press and he was like it's this place this place and
You do my podcast which already you're like
What the podcast is always worthless, but all right
All the podcast he goes you guys cool. He goes you know what he goes
We got a long enough drive now. We'll just do it now and he
Flicks a button and in his back seat a sign comes on that says on
air and you're dressed for radio. You've done this recently. About a year ago. Yeah. Yeah. It's uh
it's easy. He slips the thing that says on air and then you were dressed for
rate morning radio. Somewhere he sweats in my hair is all shitty I gotta hat on. And he's like
you know and he's dressed like he's a fucking go into a gay
nightclub. He's wearing fucking a button down shirts where there's patterns on the underneath
cuff. You can roll it up a little bit and show what a dildo.
I got to most find that pocket we have to see. me tell you something. So the best part? He does his videos, but I see it all the time.
He just fucking, he ambushes you in the car going to the fucking radio.
And he clicks a button and it says captain's log.
Oh yeah.
Damn it is.
Yeah.
Let's play it.
Play it.
I got to look at Jay's face.
He's so, it looks like you are being raped.
It looked like you got the video.
Not on the photo.
Yeah, I want the video.
A photo.
He may take it down.
So I really went at him, like pretty publicly, because yeah.
But again, the next thing he did so he fucking uh he goes and then tells
Or so I do the pockets with him more ever and then whatever it's fine and the weekend is
You know it's half fans and half like you know seafood people
And well tell them it's in a restaurant though. It's it's literally like if you took a seafood restaurant stuck a stage in it and
It's literally like if you took a seafood restaurant, stuck a stage in it, and that's it.
Yeah, you're trying to like,
you try to get laughter over the sound of screaming lobsters.
But here's the thing,
this staff was super cool.
And I mean, this staff was super cool.
The show's ended up being pretty fun
because it was like half not fan.
So it was fun to kind of like play with people
and maybe get some new people, whatever,
as out of my wheelhouse. And I mean, even from I think his kid works there and she was
everyone was like sweet. It was a very nice.
Well, the mother and father, the mother and father are the best.
The mother is this when I work the original room, the mother and father came
to the show. The father's Italian, the mother's old school Italian.
I mean, these people, they, they brought me to their house.
They had a pool, they had meatballs, she fed me.
I remember I left my really expensive glasses
at the house, I drove there on the way to the airport
and I called.
She left them out there and she left me
a container of meatballs and I ate meatballs
on the fucking plane.
It was the best ever.
That's pretty sweet, but they have a son who looks like he throws a baseball with two left hands.
It really looks like that.
He's really, he burned fucking hated him.
And I finally asked you to burn wine.
And see burn, it was a long story. Why hate it?
I'm gonna be short of my money whenever.
So Steve said for a year, I would call up there and order
$300 worth of seafood and to go and he goes and then I would get on their webcam and I would watch the food Just sit there on the counter every night
I did that for a fucking year
I believe this guy will drive you to that so
Anyway, so I leave
Give me my money Saturday night. I go to the airport. Go home. Something I I'm hanging out I start seeing on Twitter a whole bunch of shit about like people
going like oh what the hell did I we thought you are are you okay are you okay
are you okay that could be asking me like oh because I know you wouldn't just like
cancel a show whatever what he did sat at Sunday night instead of a
accepting he made a mistake never remove the Sunday show like I told him to
people bought so people fans were coming
and what he was saying was I burned them.
Like multiple fans said this,
like when they, in my,
the record message is that I burned them
and just left kind of like I just left in a rush
that I had something I had to do
and emergency and just split on them
and fuck them over.
And, and so, but he goes,
I'm sorry he did that to you basically,
like, but oh, well,
well, on your tick, you can come, we have a great show for you today
with some local comics or whatever.
And it was just a dick rather than just saying they made a mistake.
And then when I got it, when I went at him, I'm about to pretty hard.
He came back at me and texted me some bullshit diet tribe that was like, it's just one of
these, it's this personality.
He goes, my, the guy who was working in my box office got taken away to rehab.
He had a Coke problem apparently. And so everything was a disorganized and I'm like, what are you throwing?
You're fucking, the staff should have known. And by the way, I knew one of the way
staff who worked there stayed in touch with me through social media. And when he quit,
he was like, he was like, yeah, he goes, he told us that night, like, to tell the audience
that you were a no-show. I don't like you fuck that. What a dick move. So he was like, yeah, he goes, he told us that night to tell the audience that you were a no-show.
And I'm like, you fuck that. What a dick move. So I'm like, fuck that guy.
So yeah, he's one of the few people where I'm like, dude, suck a dick.
Sometimes in the morning when I'm on the air, I'll keep my Facebook open.
And when I get an alert that says, Captain Brian's live, I go, let's see who's being tortured now.
And I just come and see the comedian that I like and knows and they're like this.
I love it.
Oh, he was pitching me to do my social media.
He's like, we do a social media company now too.
He keeps talking about Martin Lawrence maybe was like his client, he said, which is
even true who knows.
But even if they'll start talking about, I don't even know her name, but he'd be like,
I was talking to LAR the other day. Well, that's Martin Lawrence is wife, you know, I don't even know her name, but he'd be like, I was talking to Laura the other day.
Well, that's Martin Lawrence's wife, you know,
if you don't know.
And she was telling me, it's like,
it's a, by the way, a lot of his relationships,
he seemed like with comics talks about his like,
closeness with their wives.
And it's probably because they like to go shopping together
or something.
No, he's a swinger.
He's a swinger, dude.
No.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I mean, if you look at his outfit, it makes sense. Oh, he's a, he's a swinger, dude. No. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, if you look at his outfit, it makes sense.
He's a he's a swinger, dude.
He's they see him.
He still has button through the slit butt pocket jeans.
It's it's pretty bad.
But if you look the if you look at the views on the podcast
that he's done.
Yeah, it's literally like 23 views, 15 views.
Yeah, I'm always one of them.
He's focusing all the energy you've probably
on Martin Lawrence, the social media.
Yeah, I'm not going to hold him over the calls for that, Bobby.
You guys got a lot of good business.
I believe you about he seems.
That's the energy he has, a swinger of a fucking swinger.
I had a guy a guy
We ended up doing it but girlfriend I had years ago
My first like long term girlfriend a friend of hers from work had an older boyfriend
And they want to do a couple swap. We were like together long enough to we're like yeah
I was like in my mind. I was like, I'll fuck your friend. That sounds great
I didn't really overthink her fucking him. It makes me be pretty sad later
but I was pretty young for that but
In going there the guy was older than all of us and just like he had a
classic
He had carpeting in a van
It we were at like the sterling motor lodge on black horse bike and
in South Jersey all the Megan's of a good couple spot.
And the guy he had that same energy
he's Captain Brian, like this weird like Paul Lind,
like it's like, what, it's fun if we all just get together
and do some party and you know, like it's just free.
I like to see or have a good time.
And like, you were just like in that same kind of the energy.
What, we're all party in here gang.
That's what he has.
So the stupid condo they would put you up at was so it was it was beautiful.
I want to I want to stay in a neutral hotel. I want neutral. I don't have fucking. Yeah.
And the only thing I say I won't stay now. I'll make an exception for a hotel that has doors
that when you open them, you're sort of like in hotels
sort of hallway, you know what I mean?
What's honda?
Is that what it is?
It's like stuff like that where it's like,
what I'm saying, when you walk out of your hotel room,
it's like, there's about five steps in a ledge,
like a balcony, you look over,
you're seeing like the lobby of the hotel.
Yeah.
I can deal with that if it's all inside, but if I'm if I'm getting in if I open the door
of my hotel room and there's I can hear cars going by. Yeah. I won't do it. Billy Burr Billy Burr
caused those serious serial killer buffets. It's just a guy in a car going I'm gonna fuck him. I'm
gonna kill her. I'm gonna rape her. Did you ever do the Italian villa east shows out in Lancaster, PA?
No, what's that? Here's a goes like a Tony Camacho gig. No
But that gig it was so funny. I went there
Tony Camacho such a great story
Tony Camacho is an awkward guy. I used to book a bunch of she know Tony Camacho is I know Tony
Yeah, I never I never did a thing with him good. It's probably for the best. I'm to book a bunch of, you know, Tony Camacho is. I know Tony. Yeah, I never, I never did a thing with him.
Good. It's probably for the best. I'm sure he owes me money still.
But, uh, but Tony Camacho, uh, what sent me on these gigs, the Italian
Ville East was one, uh, the, the gigs he would send you on. It was in an
Amish country. It was an Italian restaurant in Amish country. That was attached to
one of these hotels motels we're talking about, the way outside.
But, young comic, you're like, I'll do it.
It was like headlining the weekend for like 400 bucks
or something like that.
The Tony Komacho calls me one day and he goes,
hey, I got you, I think I got you $600, I think,
to do to headline the Italian villa east.
He tells fantastic, that's great, I'll do it.
And then he hangs up and then he calls me back. Now, apparently, the Italian Villa East. I was fantastic. That's great. I'll do it. And then
he, he hangs up and then he calls me back. Now, apparently, the Italian Villa East was,
he used to tell you was the through way to get into the Pittsburgh funny bone. What's
the guy's name there? The notorious also. I never met him Jeff something. I can't remember.
I know he's talking about, but I remember his name. Notorious. He's like a rough dude to deal
with also. I didn't know. This is my only interaction with I remember his name. Notorious. Like a rough dude to deal with awesome. I didn't know this is my only interaction with him
And he doesn't even know we had it. Tony Camacho is dumb dumb calls me up and he goes
He goes Jay. All right
You go you're good to do the gig right now and yeah sure you goes all right cool hang on
And I hung on the phone and then he comes back and I hear a phone ringing
He's calling that guy on three way that guy answers the phone. He goes
Tony you fuckhead
I don't know this piece of shit from Adam and I'm not giving him 600 bucks
You tell him 400 fucking dollars or he can suck my dick and you hear Tony go
Uh, uh, uh, any thanks of the phone
I can't just a phone on me actually
He can't just me and then he calls back uh
He goes back five minutes later. He goes so Jay. I don't even put on the phone on me actually. It can't even call us back. He calls back five minutes later, he goes,
so Jay, I don't know if you heard there,
but it's only gonna be 400 for the winner.
I heard, I heard, bro.
But that club that Italian Millie East,
when I went there, that was a weird club.
The first time I went there,
I wouldn't say the comics name, it's mean,
but like, we just did very different kinds of comedy.
And if the crowd liked me and got into the zone
of what I was doing, his stuff wasn't flying so well.
The guy asked me if I would be willing to head line
the next day, but if I would head like the next day
and I was like, no, that's, that's, we talked to him about,
he's like, no, I'll just tell him if you're okay to do it.
But what he meant was that guy's gonna do is 45 to an hour
in the middle and I would do 25 at the end
and still get paid the same. You know, I mean, like he wasn't giving me any more money.
Just go with the end. I was like, no, that I won't do. And so he's like a weird guy, but
he didn't mean any harm. He just didn't know anything about comedy.
Dude, I got you. You have a problem. Well, it's just a thing real quick. So they put
you in that roadside motel. So I went there. I don't like complaining
I really like leaving a light footprint
Anywhere I like me in the woods when I take a shit
Life but yeah, I like to really like not make way. I don't ask for a lot in the green room
I just don't bother anybody me too. I'm same way trying to just do my thing
I went on road
I don't know the road with you and tell for forever to tell the same thing
I tell what's the smoke inside if it's not accessible quickly to smoke outside even if if there is though
He wouldn't smoke it's he doesn't care so I've always go low maintenance like that and
Fuck where was I help me out of my pot head
Yeah, the motel so I check in the motel. I don't want to complain
But I go in there the remote control the TV is not a flat TV. It's tube
I don't want to complain, but I go in there. The remote control, the TV is not a flat TV.
It's tube.
The buttons are broken off the actual TV.
You have to use the remote.
And the remote will not turn the volume up on the TV at all.
And there's also just like, you know,
it's bad reception on this.
What year is this?
2004, 5.
So I go to the front desk.
I like when the staff has no idea, like how to treat people
or what's going on there.
I've had many gigs like that.
We all have.
But I go to the front desk later, I go miss.
I don't want to complain, but kind of change rooms.
There's like the TV there as it works.
She goes, no, I know.
She goes, he said to put you in there because in case people pay in customers, they don't
want to give them the room with the big with the bad TV in it
So they it was like a purposeful like and then shove them in the fucking whatever room
I mean like that's so we the worst beat down at one point that by the first time
How you'll brag about like getting?
Pleasant treatment at all. You know gonna do the first time in the first year
that I started going like, hey, they picked me up
and they give my feature their own hotel room.
Yeah.
I'm gonna get as opposed to do that.
Yeah, dude, I've been in so many bad situations hotel-wise.
It's just fucking, it's fucking nuts, man.
Me and Dave Smith had like blood stains in the floor somewhere mess.
Oh, like somewhere mess dude.
I had once the Mugubis I would look I get in the bed and there's blood stains on the
fucking sheets.
So then I call downstairs and they're like, do you want another room?
I'm like, no.
And I check out I call Mugubis.
I go, hey, I'm out here this fucking this blood stands on the fucking sheet
This hotel smells like shit. They have a pool downstairs in the lobby the whole place smells like mold and fucking shitty pool
Indoor pool and he's like all right. Yeah, go all I'll take care of everything and I pack all my stuff
He's like I'll pay for I'm so sorry. He's so Paul Jessica. I was mean. I was fucking ornery
I was so mad and then I looked down
I forgot I ordered fucking Chinese ribs and one of the ribs fell on the fucking sheet
It was my fault it was rip-sawed it wasn't blood
You're not a fat you're not a fat guy on the road if
Every fucking week and I'm on the road when I leave they're gonna have to get some sort of sauce spill off of the
duvet cover because-
Yeah, one of my towels, I use a towel as a napkin the whole fucking weekend. I put it right over my fucking tits
and that's my napkin. Soy sauce, fucking, fucking foe soup, all that shit.
I actually eat way fatter. I like to lay on my tum tum with my feet kicked out and I have a strawberry
And I look at my computer like this and watch TV and just pick from all my little
I wish room scene wish
Dude, I got naked down in my tiny white ears and my socks and I let a towel over my fucking body
And I put the fucking Chinese food around my body
And I was just fucking I was just grabbing like a fat machine just eating
and I put two in the afternoon.
I ate until fucking 3.34 o'clock past out till fucking seven.
When did the show?
I felt like gabbas.
Yes, I can't do that.
That's what I can't do.
I can't eat big before a show.
And anyway, I barely eat ever before a show
But after the show then you're ravenous and if there's you know if it's not a time of chasing pussy or anything
You're genuinely like well, what's hey? What's the sandwich around here in this town?
What's the place and then like what people always want to do? Let's eat there at the place. Let's eat there to get the fuck away from me.
I'm an ordered amount of food
that I wouldn't feel comfortable eating
in front of other people.
You, can I say something?
I'm in front of a TV in the dark.
You just, you just saw the mystery,
you, Calde, he just saw the mystery
and you, you have the same fucking thing, Mike.
You and Mike have the same fucking thing, Mike. You and Mike have the same thing.
Look, I am an out fatty.
I'm out there fucking eating stuff in my face.
I'm fucking like a gay guy who's rollabled
with tassels and going, hey, what's up, girlfriend?
And blowing guys and fucking Central Park.
You guys are married with kids sucking,
dick and a mangrove bush.
Nobody knows.
I, you guys as far as food goes, it bugs me
because your secret slabs.
I've never seen one of you guys eat the way
your body says you eat.
I have no human being besides Christine my girlfriend has ever seen me eat more than two slices of pizza.
Everybody would be like, what happens? The guy's such a reasonable pizza eater. Two slices tops.
My father and brother call me a pussy when we go to hooter. He's like, how could you only eat 10 wings?
I'm like, oh, ten and I'm done. I'm like, yeah, I wasn't even possible. I'm like, oh, then you guys go.
You guys go, I'm going to go to the bathroom here. You go back up like, let me get 20 more day tonal wings.
Yeah, one of those burgers. You're top. I take them home. I'll eat them at midnight.
Yeah, I'm a total, I'm a ritual eater too. I like to watch. I grew up like, I didn't have a lot of
sit down family dinner. My family wasn't like that. It was a grab what you're eating.
Or all ordering food or something and like sitting in front of the TV and watch
nightcourt or whatever. So I sort of still have that. Like I want to, I get excited for
what I'm gonna watch. If it's like a game or something like an Eagles game or a sixers
game, like the what I'm gonna eat personally is such a big part of it. And if people are
coming over, they're gonna ruin it for me.
Can you hear us? I can only eat in front of certain TV shows. Like Seinfeld is the best
show to eat in front of. But if I Like, Seinfeld is the best show to eat in front of,
but if I eat and like, there's retarded people
on a commercial like, hey, you need to eat anymore.
Don't gross me out.
Old people.
A St. Jude's commercial turn.
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't.
I like to watch trash TV, like,
love after lock up and stuff like that.
90 day fancy.
Yeah, oh, yeah, that's exactly,
now we start extreme love.
I can tell you 90 day fancy, the best one to open.
So we pretty into extreme love where people fall in love with like, uh, there's one,
the one that's thrown us for the biggest loop is the daddy, Dom situation of a, like,
I can only describe as an in shape, good looking cowboy sort of guy and his ginger freakish
boy body, limp, eyed, shaved head, Napoleon Dynamite looking girlfriend who is an all-day baby.
And she is horrible looking.
And he diapers her? It's so gross. That was hard. I just stopped watching that when I was eating.
What's his name?
The...
Oh.
Yeah, there they are.
Oh.
What the fuck is this, dude? What? What's going on?
She looks like the sister from Petsimitary.
It's so disturbing.
I gotta say, I always like a nice body with a goofy face.
It's not a nice body, Bobby.
It's not a nice body, I'm telling you.
She looks like a fucking,
it looks like if you ever put,
you know what the subway gives you the long bags?
It looks like if you eat your sandwich
and stuff it back into the bag. And It looks like if you eat your sandwich and stuff it back into the bag. If you eat your garbage and put your garbage back in the long subway bag.
Maybe, maybe, does he change, does he have to change her or something?
Yes, and I wasn't, is the first time ever I wasn't bummed out by blurred out pussy
and tits. I don't know. They look like they're made of bruise. Everything's wrong on her body.
I don't know. Right there. That angle. I mean, I've done worse. She has wouldn't teeth and she has
5% teeth to 95% gum. She looks like white Rudy Hux double everything's wrong. And they're wouldn't
like George Washington. They're not wouldn't. They're not, but they're, they're the color of wouldn't.
She has changed your teeth also.
She has, she has pine looking teeth.
She has mahogany mouth.
Zub Mike zoom in on the one where he's changing her up
in the corner with the hat.
Why is there a fucking, why is there a humidifier
in the corner?
Yeah, there were.
Yeah, she has allergies.
Baby has allergies. Oh, baby has allergies.
I told you what I keep saying. It's a but she like he paddles her, but they go out
in public and people look at them. And then one part of it, he invites his sister over
to show her what he's into. And like, she's like, well, you know, if people enjoy themselves
like, no, man, like talk to your family about your brother. That's wrong. What?
Now is he changing her right now?
Does she have to go poopy?
She does not shit in the diaper or piss the diaper.
It's just so she can get into character, she says.
But she is, he's praying on her insecure.
She says at one point, she goes, you know, I'm very insecure about a lot of things.
So whatever.
And this makes me feel like a sexy. But I assure
you it's not at all. And no one has watched us and been like, this is awesome for you guys.
That's a nice humidifier, though. I like I saw that at bedbathion. I wanted to get that
one. Yeah, I think it's got a I think it's got a time or two where you can set to go
off for your home. It's not. Yeah, it's pretty nice. But scroll down like, let me see the
bottom. Isn't it bother you like, I can't even get my wife to get up and get me a couple of water.
Okay.
All right, shut up.
Just that.
I mean, she doesn't look that bad.
You please bring up a video and show Bobby the fucking
ghoul with this woman is.
So if you're on the road in the middle of nowhere by yourself in the middle of Pennsylvania,
all of a sudden this girl knocks in your hotel room and goes, hey, can I fucking suck
a dick if you change my diaper?
You wouldn't fucking amuse the thought.
Nope.
You know what?
Yeah, for the story, maybe.
We're comics.
You have to have, you have to live some life, you know what I mean?
But, you know, it never been the greatest thing ever. I, uh, you have to have you have to live some life, you know what I mean, but you what you have the greatest thing ever.
I, you know, it's funny.
Everything I've gone through with where I was like, I don't be a story.
I like I should have done that.
I, I, I fucked a girl one time who had, she was, it was what I fucked a few of these in my life.
The like a woman who comes to a bar with a room, is that play with her body?
I can all ask him what acid wash jeans and fucking, uh, you know, like some kind of top like a woman who comes to a bar with a or is that play wonder body of the
acid was jeans and fucking
uh you know like some kind of top
that shows are big huge awful
tits but like still confident
tucking everything in.
Uh I've gotten my dick.
I think I got your beat.
I think I got your beat.
I was doing nights in radio on a weekend
night and some girl called me up
and she said you should come over
after your shift and I was like yeah all right it's like two o'clock in the morning if you're still up and she said, you should come over after your shift. And I was like, yeah, all right,
it's like two o'clock in the morning.
If you're still up and she's like,
I'll be up and I'll be waiting.
I'm like, oh, so I went over there my way home.
So the department, I woke up to stare.
She answered the nice little fucking white
and negligent thing.
She was a solid four and a half, but she was skinny.
So I'm gonna hear now.
And then we got the room and she totally had a class
to me bag. Oh, she's like, well, I'm not gonna fuck her, but I'm here now and then we got the room and she totally had a class to me bag
Oh, he's like well, I'm not gonna fuck her but I'm here now and I totally let her blow me
While I could what going into the classroom bag. Yeah, she was a good body and the bag. I didn't have to touch anything
So she swam out your giz
Technically, you could have waited there and sarco into the bag.
I'll say I'll say technically that's a reverse blobkin.
She's definitely shitting while blowing you.
I just like that bubbly juice machine from the mall.
It was it was active.
I saw I saw the bag moving.
Ah, well she was wasn't shit with his butt.
I grossed out when a chick was blowing me
with one of those fucking diabetic little things hooked to her stomach. I almost threw up. I never mind a fucking shit bag
I was gonna say the one of the ones that I fucked had her leg like the inside of her thighs look like Freddie Krueger face
And I was like what happened to she goes I was in a terrible fire
And then you're like I have to go through with this thing. I can't go. Jay. Jay. Fuck, Jay fucked the old lady from McDonald's who got burnt with coffee.
The guy was, she has cash, you know,
is that another one of those, uh, those like, uh, headlines that we all
remember the wrong outcome of like Duke, Duke LaCross is always the best example
of that. Duke LaCross, like, I made reference to that in my comedy early on a lot about like, you
know, them being like rapists, the Duke Lacrosse team, and then you're like, oh, it's right.
They actually have found it.
They didn't do it.
Right.
No, they didn't do it.
And the lady from McDonald's, the documentary on it, they did not win the lawsuit.
They did or they they won it first, but they did win.
They don't have something on the coffee. They're or they they won it first, but she did win. They have something on the coffee was like 180 degrees. Yeah, she
I thought the whole thing was like she actually didn't get
money. McDonald's hired a whole team of publicists to to to
attack her to say that she was suing wrongfully suing McDonald's.
And what happened after that is they created this thing where
people just started suing companies
To make money when she really she was all she wanted was McDonald's to cover her bills
That's all she wanted and they were like fuck you. We're gonna pay millions to these this company to go and and make
Make it so that you you look like an asshole and
She got literally a third degree burns on her pussy. Matt, oh, who is the fat
so with the with the gumption to stand up and go subway, you're
jipping us out of an inch and a half of sandwich wasn't
some way, but it was like, literally, it's not a foot.
Oh, dude, come on.
Like, what was that video? Show me that video video Mike. All right here. We got that lady
The bird lady no, no, no, I'll see you baby lady. Oh
Yeah, she's
Yeah, Michelle
I saw her at Skankfest last year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's her.
Living a fetish more commonly known as DDLG, which is, oh, out key.
Play.
What DDLG stands for is daddy Dom. Oh little girl. She's got a walkie.
She's got a walkie on top of everything else, too.
You the fucking mess.
But they'll show her body at one point like bending over to get paddled.
You know, I'm telling you her body looks like,
so it looks like she's wearing two sizes, two big skin.
You can always tell poor people when they have the wrong furniture in the wrong room.
You're just using a bar stool as a table.
Is it an end table?
And by the way, if your end table is a bar stool,
for sure there are Med Falls cigarettes sitting on it.
Okay.
Okay.
So tell me,
you're the poor dog.
The indoor smoke is okay.
I got this. One child.
He's my dad.
He's my protector and I need him.
Oh, you know what that's said.
These consenting adults engage in non-stop age play.
This is something to be taken very seriously.
This isn't a game.
This isn't something that we're just putting on a front.
This is who we are.
This is what makes us happy.
I am baby girl every day, almost all day.
From the time I wake up till a few hours before I go to bed,
I'm...
You pause the first second, Mike.
I mean, you know the TV people are coming.
Smooth out the hair.
Yeah.
You know what's happening.
And maybe what, clean your glasses, you fucking
fucking show up and go, Hey, you want to do a TV show right now? She's got a, she's got
a bunch of pimples and then one that's trying to escape down by her jawline. Oh, that's her
twin sister that was never born. That's the dark half. She has fucking Paul Stanley ears
It's like Ari
A little bit
Let me see show us your body they show a body. Well, we fell the queen, Freckle.
It's on her side.
I'm gonna sound like the heives.
I'm gonna be the...
Oh, we fell the queen.
Ah!
The queen, Freckle.
Ah, you fucking conks, I got it, dude.
Ah, don't just cut overalls.
I'm gonna see if she can do this thing.
I'm gonna give her a bubble bath and...
Remember, asshole. I was trying to talk Christine into overalls
I think if you look good them and now I won't I won't have it. It's it's a that's crazy. This is so crazy and and
I
Listen in your sex world
Yeah, when you when you zone out Bobby if you fucked in a lot of friend with a friend of a lot of friends
You know I for friends fucked in front of you a lot. I have.
I've had a decent amount of that in my life too.
You know there's some friends, I follow the world of the friend that if we do this, there's
gonna be some sense of jokingness to it.
It'll never get super serious.
Even if we're trying to come and all that, even as soon as you come, you'd be like, you've
got a giggling, like, you saw my come face, you know, I could, and I've seen some friends really go
immersively, like fucking like other people aren't there watching and judging.
And that's bizarre to me. And that's what I mean. Like, so you want to do, I don't
understand roleplay, it's not my thing, but I've got plenty of weird things.
But roleplay is not one of them. But if you want to do the daddy thing to bring
that out in public and put people through, they have to go to a bookstore. This lady
to bookstore has to ask, first of all, I think he's being mean to a retarded person is
what has to be happened first. You're going to call 911. I think this is a retardly
being kidnapped. He's like, do I have to spec you hear the story? He's like, get it
new. And it's just okay. He's making like this face the whole time.
Like, whoa, whoa.
It's so, I like role play.
I like role.
I, I, I've always liked role play.
I like getting into it.
Maybe that's where I got my acting chops from.
A few roles, Kaiser roles.
I like that role play.
The wine rolls.
Your wife doesn't role play.
Oh, darn.
Oh no, I told you that.
We tried to role play a couple of years ago.
And she was like, you know, we can role play.
And I was like, great.
I was like, I'm so excited because she
didn't go, uh, your massage therapist.
She's like, no.
I'm like, what do you talk about?
She goes, I work at a spa. I go, but you're an esthetician. It's not even the same fucking ballpark.
She goes, yeah, but I know a lot of massage therapists. I go, yeah, and I want you to pretend
to be one of those girls. All right. Come in. I'm Dr. James Haad.
That's how I would ease not too specialist. She wouldn't do it and then she came.
I have a joke on my acting about it.
She came out, she goes, I got an outfit.
She came out as a schoolgirl.
I go, you think I'm a pedophile?
I'm 40.
I'm in my 40s.
I don't want to fucking.
I was like, that's our son's backpack.
I'm like, what the fuck?
I go, how is this better than jerking me off? Rub me down for five seconds and then jerking me off
from underneath like a cow.
It all being Christine's years together,
we've, we still shit, we shit talk, but not role play.
Like what shit talk?
Like, dooring sex talk?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, do sex talk? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, yeah, just dirty talk.
Yeah, nothing, nothing like, yeah, no like, uh, before we don't do a lot of like,
oh, you're going to get fucked so good tonight, like texting door in the day.
I mean, we worked together and everything.
So that doesn't really happen.
But I couldn't take my wife's dress if she, if she dirty talk me, it wouldn't even be
hot. I'd be like, stop saying that.
You don't ever say pussy before.
It's just weird. Oh, it could be weird. Yeah. If they go too far
out of like too far out of their own character, you know, also that can make you feel sometimes.
Like, are you sure you can finish quick?
You gotta be careful. As soon as you put your dick in, she goes, give me that cum.
Oh, give me that cum. Oh, for me, like, you started me like, I like it Larry.
come, oh, give me the couple of for me. Like, you started me like, I like it Larry.
Yeah, exactly.
You, you, you, you, you, you can be like, look, I don't like you talking like that.
I like how the girls talking like that.
I don't want you.
I don't want you.
You kiss our son with that mouth.
Don't say those things.
Yeah, my, I, we've never, we've done a little bit of it.
But I mean, girls over the, that was my thing thing though back when I was a young buck. I loved
group sex
Back in the day, but did you but did you fuck in front of other guys with a reckless abandon of
You know, I was gonna think that uh hang on what's that guy? Come on my wife's coming in hi
Oh, yeah. Pause.
Pause.
I got a question for you.
Does she want to go on my girl quick?
Good bye.
Get the fuck out of it.
Go ahead.
I love you, baby.
Goodbye.
She's saying.
No, she's leaving.
When I was single, I used to live with my best friend Pete.
It's kind of like being a friend of Bobby.
And we were both single and we were both in radio.
So we can get a lot of girls come over and do shiver tickets and stuff.
So it was good.
We were in our young 20s.
Pete fucking hit me with friendly fire one time and that put it into that bullshit.
Oh, you got hit.
You hit me in the forearm.
I felt like somebody shot me with a laser.
It was what I imagined a lightsaber to the arm would feel like it just burned and I was like, what?
And yeah, no more.
I wasn't like, whoo.
I was, it was, it freaked me the fuck out
because I couldn't figure out what it was
and he didn't do it on purpose.
And then I was like no more, who that?
I found these photos, guys.
I don't know if you can see them.
It's Patrice in Brazil. We went to Brazil, but
I found all these photos. Right? And I remember I remember being in Brazil with this
fucking guy, man. He's so fucking funny. I remember him and Keith, him and Keith the first day there.
They like, I was like, what are we doing?
They were like, yeah, this girl likes you, go with her.
And I went to this place with this girl
and we were having sex.
And I was like, oh my God.
And then they opened the door,
it was Patrease and Keith just started laughing at my dick.
Uh.
They were just looking at my dick. And I was like, my dick and I was like get out of here.
They're like, look at Bobby's little Irish pecker. Look at that little half heart on.
I was looking up at the girl one time in a hotel room and I was David Lewis.
We were all sharing a hotel room and I was like, you know, I was like, get out of here.
I'm gonna hook it up with this girl. And they, I heard the door closed
and I mean, this girl started hooking up.
And at one point, I was doing a real,
like not even, I was fucking hurt from behind.
So also, I was doing and making the movements and faces
of no one's looking, not even her is looking.
And then at one point, I just hear some,
you know, the faintest kind of noise.
All they did was they went into the bathroom and let the door close to make the door sound.
And they were just staring at me and doing like the slow motion cheering, like in play.
And it was like, and coming out of like whatever the face you're making of like the,
oh, and looking at me.
You know, I don't know why, but you don't want to see that vulnerability in your I'm just, I don't know why,
but you don't wanna see that vulnerability in your face.
Like, I don't even care, dude.
Just, I guess it's girls on my dick or whatever.
But I was making a product of, yeah.
Oh, the fucking thing.
I think it's so funny, though.
I wanted to, like, I don't feel like,
like people have those stories anymore of,
I don't hear younger guys with stories like that.
I think our generation, that was sex was very important and open and very prevalent in our
lives, our movies, our songs. Everything we did was about banging and trying new things and
fucking around and you know all the shit and now I feel and fuckin' around and all this shit.
And now I feel like it's a whole different ballgame.
But also is it, yeah, I'm waiting to hear
the younger guys have these stories, these crazy stories.
Maybe they don't because of the woke nature
of the world, the fedestine, do it.
But I mean, that is true, but also even within myself.
Now, even if a Christie was fine with it,
this girl was like, I'm gonna to blow you and your buddy here.
I'd go, I mean, if it was like really like, if I feel she liked my buddy more,
I'd be like, ah, it's just like you could go blow him.
It's fine.
I was feeling, and now I'd be like, ah, I'm just going to go back to my release.
Yeah, I got wings.
Yeah.
Exactly.
It's like, you know what?
I'm just going to grab food.
You can. So Jay, not to sidetrack off of this pussy shit, but listen, oh,
you're up, you're up for this, uh, president of Legion of Skanks.
Oh, dude, that was, by the way, it's so funny. Just a different, uh,
temperaments in life that me and Lewis have. It is funny, because I, I heard some
of the, uh, episode that Lewis was on last. And it was
I'm so insecure and all my things anyway. And also just believe like when something comes
especially Mike's been in radio for so long. The old two things that maybe laugh about myself
was he goes, yeah, the old hack bit of a repress into the radio show.
And I'm like, should I have looked into that more?
We, I was like, I was like, one of those things,
when you heard it, you go, we probably
aren't the first people to have done this.
And then I said, he said somebody was like, podcast wars
and stupid podcast wars.
Like, I got a podcast war like tattoo.
I want to say this thing.
This way with somebody just like, you're just listening to something else, you go what is gang this thing? This is where it was so much like you're just listening
to something else you go, is that Tom?
That probably is.
That's not that.
That's not that.
And people go, what's with the knuckle gloves, Jay?
You're like, come on, man, I don't know.
It's just the thing.
It's not, it's not so much a hag bib of Lewis
like to make like he invented everything.
And I'm like, yeah, we fucking three elections ago. I was
I'm a certain it's been that when it's huge you said it. I was like this probably has been a thing before
But it's but we've been having it's such a fun thing like to do I got a question
It's a fun way to incorporate like so many friends and aren't there also during quarantine like
Are there a ton of deros and stuff I think it's great
also during quarantine like there are a ton of deros and stuff.
I think it's great.
A good way to cross over with the other shows.
You can talk about, talk shit about the afternoon show
the night show, which we never know.
I think it's great, but I want to know.
I don't know.
Look, I've already placed my vote.
I'm not going to say who.
But I, I, I, I want to know what does the president get?
Has there ever been a president of the Skanks?
Is this going to be the first president?
And what does the president get?
What being the president of Skanks is what?
And how the fuck did you add Ari?
Ari is not there's three Skanks.
There's Dave, there's Lewis, there's you.
Ari has taken over fucking the skanks,
and now it could be President.
This is very Trump-esque.
That's very funny, if Ari becomes President,
we have to admit that because some of the power
he will have is to, he could,
you give me Aferin, please.
Sorry, that was very Jewish with me.
All my Judaism comes out, my allergies.
But Ari, if just getting started out.
I was saying, well, I saw you doing podcasts.
Lewis was doing hammer fisting, I think, way back.
Hammer fisting.
And besides that, there was the popular,
you know, the Adam Crowe maybe,
and Mark Marrens stuff.
So it was pretty much me.
I pretty much started it off, but go ahead.
You were, but you were the guy doing it. You were.
Right. Uh, always with the technology stuff. So, uh, you kind of showed Louis the stuff and he was like,
uh, so I was like, well, I'll try one of us. I'll do like a broadcast from home. Let's try it.
And I thought it'd be, be funny. Me, him and Dave. We always went out all the time. Yeah.
It had a good ebb and flow. And it was just, uh,
and the show kind of came like that came together like that. It was a perfect shape because you did it at the creek in the cave.
Well, no, they were young.
Connacrystated to Lewis's house.
You did it.
Lewis up and then you moved to Creek and that's where you started popping.
Right.
And Lewis and Lewis wanted to get more into the behind the scenes and all that stuff.
So Lewis put together like, you know, producers and a team and all the stuff that I would have liked.
He's absolutely right. I would have never like, we'd be doing
it on a computer at my house like still, you know what I mean, that'd be great. And
that's like a live thing. The energy's great. It's super fun. So Lewis has put a lot of
the set the pieces up for Legion's gigs to be where it is for sure. Right. So is there
a president of Legion's gigs? I guess technically Lewis, but he is a flawed, a flawed
president. I don't know why you tell it. He's a
floor president. So I would say as president, I would like to
correct some of those flaws to change some of those small
minor things. But I like to let Lewis, let Lewis run free.
Puncture. What would you do? What would be your stump speech to be president of,
because you might change my mind.
What would be the stump speech for you to be president of?
I would say what is, if you like Skanks the way it is,
trust that is the way it is, not because Lewis is the leader.
In a quiet way, I'm technically the leader. They don't really do the show without me ever.
If Lewis or if I'm missing from the show for that weekend, you're saying the show could not go on without you.
They will not do a show if you're not there. That one piece is missing. The rest of the machine falls apart.
They've done it. It's been quite a thing. It's been a show. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying but the shows are good.
But if I'm like, I'm not gonna be here next week,
we really try to get a prerecorded.
What should we do for pretty much
when anybody's gonna be missing we try?
But I'm saying, Louis, people don't understand
that Louis really thinking he's like in charge charge,
is not a good thing to have, you know,
he believes he's in charge the way it is now.
If you make him the president,
it's gonna go off the fucking rails. He's kept in check. Check some
balances. You know what I mean? If you leave him a title of president he's going to be
it's going to be awful. The show is going to fall apart. But if I am president I'll just
keep things exactly the way they are. I'll let Louis bully around his team. So you're
the Joe Biden. You're Joe Biden. Yeah, I slide in every week.
I come, I be funny.
Lewis is the guy who says all the crazy.
He's like, Jay's the reason this show's not seven hours a week.
And it's like, well, I have a job that pays more than this.
I have to do.
Right.
Which is bonfire and which made me laugh.
Because when I believe Lewis put it to you, which one?
Would you pick?
How was it presented?
It was so funny.
It was hilarious.
He goes, do you like a bonfire better
with the Legion of Skanks?
And I said, no.
And I meant it when I said it,
but it came back that I was lying.
So they were like, hurry up, Seth.
He was very upset.
And I was like, well, I mean, I just found out myself.
So I'm trying to process it.
So I thought I looked both my babies the same. Now
Alicia, you do it for next year, I'll be 10 years. We've been doing it. So you've already
had a 10 year for you know what to do. Bobby, right? I did. We had I didn't celebrate it,
but yes, we've had to celebrate. But it's just like the idea that it was something that
those years like flew by and like what it what it has become is a lot in part to Lewis and what
he's done. And like so it is. But would you say Legion of Skanks is more hobby or is it
more? Are you financially dependent on it? Well, particularly these time. You're not
called a fucking hobby. Can you draw? I'm curious to see if Legion of Skanks, if J needs to do
that for financial reasons, like, is it a part of your income now? Oh, yes, absolutely.
Okay, that's what I want to know. They make great, they make great money. No, Legion of Skanks
does good. They make great money. Now Mike Fini makes no money on that network, but those
three make all like the listen. Skanks, Legion of Skanks does good for sure. And Bob,
Bob, parts, everything, you know, you do radio and podcasts.
Do so, radio is like it's a different.
It's two different crowds though, correct?
It's a two, if you have two, it's same audience.
Lots of crossover, but fire has.
But there are different bonfires over here.
I feel like bonfire, like, I mean, the skanks are a little more
fucking crazy and rowdy and edgy.
And Bond Fire is a little more, you know, there's less murderers in the Bond Fire.
Well, there's a, there's, there's, there's a, it's like a fun thing. Like I, like, I'm far obviously like a
dirty or I guess, or edgy or whatever you say than uh then soda and sodas uh fucking uh but you know I think I'm funny and sodas like so
fucking hilarious like to the other end like soda could be squeaky clean and still reserve all
of his fucking hilarious and so it's kind of what's fun about that show is like I pull like soda
a little edger than he would normally probably be and he yes be away. So our subjects aren't always just like, you know
Did you see about this racist?
Whatever thing or like did you see about this like fucking there's a
Talk about you can talk about anything
For we have a fun and it's still and yet our person I was like my thing is always gonna go to like the dirty
Your thing and his well we just kegs is like all like
like my thing is always going to go to like the dirtier thing and his well, Legion's ganks is like all like uh there's a little spark and everyone's
fans of flame till everything burns the fuck down. Yeah, we go out and we push the limits
uh for sure but you know also I think within like at least for me like I can always
speak for myself on the show but like within limits you know I mean you've
talked about like recently Bobby with some things before it's like you uh want to get me ruined from some kind of thing, like you can go find
me saying the N word, yeah, 200 times, you can put together a mixed tape, but like, I feel
comfortable in defending all of those words that they're not gratuitous, you know, I mean,
like, I think that, I mind if I pull that out, it's like, there shouldn't be, and I never
have really had a, I've never had like a,
obviously like, you know, the guy that Seth Simon's
guy wrote the fucking article or whatever,
but like I've never had like individual things
of people going like, you're a racist
because anybody's watching my stuff,
provided they're a fan or have been like,
kind of whittled down to finding my stuff.
I think just kind of get, I don't know.
Like I said,
if you go to skankfest, it's a very diverse crowd.
You think that it's going to be all,
everybody always said it's going to be all white guys
with black shirts.
Absolutely not.
There it is fucking women.
It's all kinds of different races,
but it's also a lot of different people.
A lot of different people.
So, you know, I mean, if they all do coke. What do you see all those
different kind of shirts together doing? But my question is this, Ari Shafir is going to run away
with this race. Ari Shafir has sold more t-shirts than anybody. Ari Shafir is going to probably be the president of the Skanks, of Legion of Skanks, and he is
the Antifa of comedians.
He is the...
He's going to burn it all down.
I'm not super confrontational, and I am not into making like a fight where there don't
need to be. But one of the presidents abilities is to stop anyone's microphone
for a minute straight whenever they want.
Once per episode for a full minute,
or maybe it's even more than a minute now,
but either way, I think it's a minute,
but you get to cut someone's mic off.
So I do see the long-term humor of for at least
whatever year,
four years it is that Ari can call from anywhere in the world.
And just demand one of the demand one of the crew just cut his
fucking mic off for a minute.
And it could happen to me too, but it's always going to be
funny is to have Ari Kaluis.
It's the mic that I want to talk to.
Louis even need a mic.
I'm screaming.
So yeah, you we I promise he wouldn't stop talking
if the mic got turned off.
But that should be, but that should be in the constitution.
That should be in there that you can't talk.
If your mic is shut off, you have to shut down too.
Well, Louis is trying to get Ari kicked out of the contest
right now because Ari gave the address,
the email address to register to vote, which they
said is against the rules, but I don't understand. I thought it would be more against the rules.
Lewis, we found out through Nick Mullin, who posted their text to each other. If you saw
that, no, what happened? Lewis was calling everybody and asking them to make a video,
first of all, knowing all of his friends and asking them to make a endorsement
video, please.
And Nick Mullen asked for money and he said he would give it to him and Nick just did endorse
him and just posted the text back and forth because it has to be breaking some kind of rules.
I would say there's some kind of rules like buying endorsements.
Well, I mean, that's called lobbying.
I don't think, look, I was actually approached myself.
Yes, I'll know, I'm sure.
I mean, he called everybody.
I'm like, I am resting on the idea that like,
first of all, Lewis is my vice president,
which is the most best part of the whole thing.
So it's like, I'm not campaigning even at all. Just like, it'll be funny. Whoever wins,
Lewis is now, where can we vote for this? Where can we make these
votes? I can't say that's what when? Oh, when? Yeah, you have to
register by this Friday. And then the voting is the 24th, August 24th.
Oh, I can't wait to put my vote.
It's, I mean, are you winning?
Is obviously the funniest thing.
Next funniest Dave Smith.
Why is person the winner?
Why Dave?
Dave's a quiet guy, very smart guy, very funny guy.
But he seems very unassuming.
I don't think Dave remembers. He's on Legion of Skanks until five minutes before the show on Monday
and he forgets the second I say goodnight and he is in an Uber right quick and right fast.
We you guys not hang out. Well, Dave lives in Jersey now too. So it's like we don't get to hang out
that much. No, we talk on the phone and stuff, but I mean like Dave does his political podcast
over and over and so on.
He doesn't really bring like subjects.
Which is very successful.
He's just comes, very successful and he's great at it.
And he comes and we just, he's just great
because he's a, he's just funny.
So it's like, I stay up to kind of,
with SDR show, I don't have to bring anything
to the table with SDR show other than I get to show up
and just be fun.
You know, I mean like, I don't have to have anything to the table of SDR show other than I get to show up and just be fun Right, you know, I mean like I don't have to have any proper meetings about it
Yeah, look at Mike is so happy. You're saying you don't have to bring anything to the table like is that I don't either
Most is just like get me either. I don't
You get a upset you get a upset when he called it a hobby because it's a hobby for me
get it upset when he called it a hobby because it's a hobby for me. Oh, I love it.
A hobby.
Lewis trying to make it like I'm doing this, like, I pay my mortgage.
I am.
I mean, what the fuck does that mean?
Can you do we have to go do this again?
I am.
Yeah, I, uh, yeah, though, for sure.
Absolutely.
Mike's Mike's Mike's Mike's a fucking millionaire.. Why don't think yeah, I don't think that
Lewis knew that because that's why I said out the thing wrong
Just like no, no, it's don't don't do that because he was like I'm more successful than you and the thing
It's like
Because I know there's well, there's such a you know how would stern leaving terrestrial radio put such a thing
Wherever would like the word terrestrial radio is like what he is still over on terrestrial radio puts such a thing wherever we're like the word terrestrial radio is like what?
He is still over on terrestrial radio if you're and back
Let me know if I'm wrong about this Mike if you're in most
Major cities and I mean that in the sense of like, you know when you start thinking of the cities that
Florida has Tampa Miami Fort Lauderdale if you're like the morning guy in any of that level city in the country
You're probably killing it the morning if you're the morning guy. I mean the bubble is your
Bubbles going right like you're the morning guy there if you're in the top
20 market you're killing it and I'm in market number 17 and
I have been for 25 years. So yeah, I'm killing it
But you know, you're right. It's so funny. I was people are like a renterrister already I'm like, yeah, I'm just it. But you're right. It's so funny, it's people are like, we're in a terrorist store right now.
I'm like, yeah, there's, you know,
who makes more money?
I mean, it's satellite, Oprah and Howard Stern.
I, we're willing to compare W2s
with a lot of people that work there.
And then, and then I love them,
people like, you're not even syndicated.
Yeah, because I don't want to give away my number one show
for $10,000 per market.
So, you know, I'd lie laugh when people say that shit
with it, I don't know what they're talking about.
Well, it's just like I think that's just, you know, because you do plenty of shows, morning
shows and stuff on the road doing comedy too. But if you're not, I mean, if comedy wasn't
a thing, like, if touring around and having fans come from knowing my stuff all over the
country, didn't like matter to me if it's, if stand-up comedy wasn't my deal at all. Yeah.
A morning guy in a, Jesus Christ, especially not New York, like to be like a morning guy,
like not just where you can go be like the, I mean, you recognize that I assume if you
go to a restaurant's cost list, you know what I mean?
It's very popular in the popular kid in high school, like nobody's ever a dick, everyone's
a bimbe of beer. It's the best fucking life you kid in high school. Like nobody's ever a dick. Everybody wants a barbecue beer.
It's the best fucking life you could ever ask for.
I, here's a great one.
And if you go to Hawaii, no one bothers you.
If nobody knows who you are, look at that.
So actually, everybody knows who he is.
They don't know.
They don't know who it is.
They don't know who it is.
Thank you.
Mike, thanks for coming out of your mansion
to let Bobby introduce you to the rest of the country.
You know, that was coming out of your mansion to let Bobby introduce you to the rest of the country.
Yeah, that was a bad Lewis is like, you sitting in a fucking closet in your garage. I'm like, nope, I'm sitting in a studio that I built. It's a size of most departments in New York City. Yeah, I was not even like you're forcing me to brag.
You should have told that was your guitar's bedroom.
You should have told that was your guitar's bedroom.
Well, it's funny though is that Mike, you know, as far, you know, Jay, we know this from doing radio.
You do a lot of radio, but some of it doesn't work.
Some of it does.
You do Mike show.
He has you on for the whole, if you funny, he has you on for the whole show.
He'll have you on for two days.
He'll fucking and he'll sell out the fucking show.
And he comes down to the gigs.
And if he goes, I'm coming.
They come.
I mean, dude, it's like, you know, Mike Mike show has one of my favorites.
It's just such a, a same old same old feeling I felt when I went into a not for the show.
I mean, but like Sandy, right?
Sandy Carmen.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
She's such a crush on her.
And right away, I was like, man, she's sweet, so to sweet heart.
And you're like, man, she's so hot.
And he goes, oh, she's in love with Dan Soder, of course.
Oh, I think my own girlfriends in love with Dan Soda.
Oh, it's a fucking annoying.
Everybody I know likes Dan Soda.
Every fucking chick I've ever met wants to bang Dan Soda. And I came in another time after that and
uh, you know, it's now knowing her for like a year or so, not knowing, but you know,
like you're seeing somebody you've met already and have a rapport with. And they were like,
oh, yeah, she has a tattoo on her butthole. She'll show it to you. And I was like, oh,
my God, I want to see your butthole so bad. And then it turns out you could show the tattoo
without showing the butthole.
And Bobby, I don't know if you could be,
I'm so far gone in perversion.
That's like, I don't, you know, if someone's like,
hey, you want to see a hot chicken or underwear,
just go and go and go.
How did you see the tattoo without seeing our butthole?
She was able to like, thong it up enough to kind of see.
Oh, you got to eat, man.
When she did it to me, I found a piece of toilet paper in there
I almost fucking threw up I'll never forget it.
No dude.
You turned it into something good.
She opened it up and I was like you got a nugget in there.
Why?
I was like I got a little toilet nugget and she took it out and then Mike actually took
the nugget and offered somebody a hundred bucks to come in and eat it. Really? And somebody did it
immediately. But then a half hour. Well then a half hour. I swear to God, I
thought by the time you get the sense that I've been five guys with their
shoulders together and a door jam. He's a fucking either trooper. He can't
hire him. You look at a jail now. You know, she's great. Yeah, she's great.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
So here's the thing.
Can I ask you one more question before we end the show.
Do you wear a girdle?
Me?
Yeah.
No, what's the, there's men girdles.
Do you wear a woman's girdle?
I've watched you on TV a bunch of times.
And you're big, but you're straight. Like there's no curves on you. You go straight
down or all around. Like you were made in a fucking...
It depends when you've seen me on TV. If you look at Z-Rock clips, dude, I was very, very wide.
Like right now you're in shape. You look great.
Oh, you're not excited. You got me in there. I thought that there was a girdle for men that we could buy?
That's what I'm wondering. I'm
like, I guess you could probably
do spanks, but I don't know.
No, I'd be, I'd be humiliated,
but I always have been big on
layering even against weather,
heat concerns because I think
it tends to straighten you out
a little bit, you know, I mean,
nice tank top base. Oh
So a tank top maybe a slippery, yeah, but tank top's not tight, but a slippery
Oh, man. Oh, that's by the way, I love it. Why don't you show a fucking person who needs it?
Wearing it. Not one of the guys needed
Like Madonna's background dancers
Not one of the guys needed. Not one of those.
Let's look at Madonna's background dancers.
That's not one fact, I...
God forbid they show a fact guy on fucking Amazon at all.
Fucking cunts.
That's not even an average guy.
It's like a fucking action figure.
Yeah, it really does like these guys are perfect built.
But it's...
No, so I do not wear maybe like a sleeveless,
something a little bit slippery as a second layer.
Okay. And then like a t-shirt or a sweatshirt over that. So it just kind of gives
everything. Nothing sticks. So layer things getting caught under your
tits or a television nightmare that I've seen on my also I sit on stage,
which you'll think a real nice pile of tires on a stool if they catch it from the wrong
angle. So I really am big on a. It would be great on fat Olympics.
It would be great. We want to start a fat Olympic show.
Oh, yeah. What just things to do. Just how about this?
Perfect. You know, who can put it in the most amount of clothes on and take it off
in the fastest time?
Oh, okay. I could just make a stretch of two X to a four X.
Stretch it right. I like that. Like it put layers on. You got to put outfits on
different outfits. I, I, I've done a lot of it in my life, putting on the shirt
that someone goes, this is going to fit you. It's going to fit you. Don't worry. It's fit. Put it on and then take my arms out of the holes and then put them in front of me and just push the shirt out like this a whole bunch
The problem with that is not a big fan of a wide neck on a shirt
Yeah, well, you know what I do is I will go v neck Bob you go v neck
I go v neck I go v neck all the time
So get in there, but I also will
If you get a shirt out of the wash machine, let it hang dry.
And just before it's done drying,
you stretch it on the back of a fucking recliner.
Just put it on the back of a fucking recliner.
It will stretch it out perfectly.
Or the most the best thing.
Best thing to just stretch out a shirt,
which a lot of you in New York guys
don't get is over the steering wheel of the car.
That's the best way.
Oh, you put it over the steering wheel
and you lean back on it, that air blow up and dry your man titties. That's the best way. Oh, you're taking you put it over the steering wheel and you're leaning back on that air blow up and dry your man titties. That's fucking. And Louis CK
taught me a great. He said, he don't get the regular 2x get the 2x T. Oh, there's not
a thing I own is not 2x. I didn't know that for years. I remember I was on stage when
that and I was like, good night. And my stomach popped out and the girls in the front row went
like that and pointed at it.
And I was like, I just did an hour of awesome comedy.
Everybody had a great time.
I felt like a god until I went like this
and they went like this and they started giggling.
And I felt like I wanted to hang myself.
It's the worst because that view, by the way,
especially if you're wearing like jeans and a belt or something,
it looks like your stomach's melting onto your dick. Yeah.
I wanted to go back in the green room and just eat my own fat until I die.
Just turn on yourself.
It just cut pieces of my stomach off and eat them, like heat them over a fucking candle and
just fucking it. And they came back, Robert, I have you have you oh my god And I'm just eating my own fat and then I just die it was so humiliating and now I do the the tea
So when I say good night my fucking Stemink don't come out. Yeah, the tea is huge
I like that
I like to have my shirts tucked under a actually that's a bad side and the problem with the tea actually is when I sit down
If the shirt if people take pictures, which seems like they only do of profile while sitting,
a lot of times the shirt, the tee gets, when I'm sitting, it's like under my ass.
So I look like a fat, broad wearing a dress.
You know what I mean?
Like, just look, it's just, it's, I want to come up with a beer.
If you were really skinny, would you shave your beard?
Oh, mate, I try.
That'd be the first time I would try.
I lost almost 50 pounds and I shaved my beard today. And I'm not quite there yet because all I have to do is look down a little bit.
And yeah, yeah, I really, I saw me, if I go too low on the sides at home, yeah.
I want to, I want to come up with an app.
I want to come up with an app where every comedy club has a camera like a way in the back
Above shooting down and if you're you can get the app sign into that camera and take a photo from that camera onto your phone
So I can choose that angle so every shot is fucking great
Have you ever watched when someone you know taking pictures after a show and I mean like,
and he's hands like the shortest person,
and you're like, well, here I go.
It's gonna look like I'm getting ready to eat all these people
at once.
It's fucking sad.
All right, well, listen, Jay, I think you might have changed
my mind on my vote.
Yeah, you need someone to keep Louis within,
listen, I've said this and people have told me for you.
Quote before that the Legion of Skanks
doesn't exist without Louis J. Gomez.
It does.
I don't want Louis to change his insane behavior,
but there has to be a voice of reason.
And if Louis is the president,
this is a walk away from all reasons.
You know the guys, you know the guys that scream at all the motherfuckers when they come into the marines
they're not officers you know they mean they're not an officer he can't be an
officer he didn't go to college you know you're not like Lewis Lewis
becomes president he's going to be in jail because he will accept no guidance
and he needs a little guidance. I agree. Galuis is good where he's at.
I believe Ari or Dave has another show, a baby and a wife.
I believe you are fully committed to this, keeping it the way it is.
But I believe Ari would add some fire and a new path and and maybe a little a little bit of
Chaos to this thing that might blow it up
It might end it because you know are he's ended a lot of things you loves chaos
When we when we why detected Lewis and we go is Legion of Skanks your favorite show of yours
And he said yes, and it came up true. He's like you see. I was like, well, it's the best show you do
And he said, yes, and it came up true. And he said, you see, and I was like, well,
it's the best show you do.
What do you want me to say about that?
I might not that my vote really counts,
but I like a guy who puts up a good fight.
I might pull a turn and vote for Lewis.
Oh, listen, he wants it, and he may even deserve it.
But I'd say, maybe if he's nice to me,
he could maybe be nice to me. That'd be the ultimate switcheroo. I don't, I doubt that's going to happen.
You don't know that he's not texting me. That's true. I wish you, if he was texting you,
you better show us. It's not just very true. Mercifully, it did not come up on Legion of Skanks just
today. And I wasn't bringing it up. So I was like, oh, man, don't be that position, please. But it did not come up. Lewis Trudeau was for my belief.
It's not talked about it on any of his things. Like it was like, he's gonna talk. Oh, it took him two seconds again on fucking Twitter. Oh
Social media. Yeah, I took I said two seconds before I was fat on Twitter to look. But yeah, that'd be well.
The ultimate second face to a long time to get fat on Twitter. You're in Tampa.
It's the wrestling capital, the ultimate face turn where you just go, you know what?
Let's join forces.
That'd be fucking great. If Mike got all his fans to vote for Lewis and Lewis one
because of because of Calta, that would be a Calta army shirt.
And then and then Lewis makes Mike the vice president.
And then this shows over and and it's Mike is part of Skanks.
It's it was all Lewis's plan this whole time for me to ruin YKWD.
And yeah, I want to be the fucking great.
We didn't want any competition.
So I put me on this show.
I'm just in my shed trying to do political talk.
That's a barrier.
I J, of course, you got bonfire.
I mean, one of my favorite shows to do with you too.
It's fucking effortless to do that show.
Legion of Skanks, where you're literally
putting your career on the line every time you do it.
But well worth it. It feels worth. Well worth it. You guys are fucking awesome.
Love you. Love all the fans. I love both fans. Both fan bases are fucking.
I can't tell you how they great. They are when they show up. They come to shows
and they support comedy. So it's great. And you got dates. Where are you?
I'm a good morning. Macgoobies, I believe it's some of these things are wrong.
They have to get changed. Macubbies is going to be just
Saturday, some of drive down and drive back for the nice
says two shows, 739, 45 helium in August. No more. They're not
opening up stuff and fill it. Moon Tower took a shit. Stand up live
Phoenix, Arizona, November.
It's gone. Maybe. It's gone. It's gone. It's gone.
It's gone probably. Yeah.
All these, by the way, I didn't even know all these things I had.
Oh, we've, uh, yeah.
Next year, next year, next year, they're skankfest.
I have a show. I, I do, I've been doing some one night.
I did, uh, I'm going to do, uh, three shows and maybe we'll add
some more governors, long islands coming up pretty soon. I'm doing
Every month I'm gonna do a one-thirds day a month a Providence comedy connection has been fantastic
I was supposed to be there. I'm supposed to be the Afrarian Saturday
great, and they just
Set me a video of
They have these tents in the backyard and the parking lot. That's not that it's inside now.
It's inside there.
But they have an inside, but they have a tent outside.
Yeah.
They just showed me the tent is literally the hurricane came through.
And and the tents are no longer tents.
Oh, wow.
Oh, shit.
I wonder if anything happened to Vinny brand put up a whole six figure rig in his
place.
So here's the other happen with that.
Hopefully, how was that? Great. It here's your happen with that. Hopefully nothing. How was that?
Great. It's fun. It was good money in the situation outside. Which day?
What was your money? Good money. It was fun show, man.
At least Corey comedy connection is treating you right. They're fucking great.
I'll say, I'll say I did go to comedy connection and I made just about the same
in those two shows one night that I did on the weekend.
You have anybody's January or you know, have you, did you get COVID?
Do you have any bodies?
I have the antibody lesson.
I got tested out of the antibodies.
Hopefully I still have my guess.
I don't know.
I'm worried of it. You can come down here. We'll promote the fuck out of it. Come on here. Yeah, I had to move Tampa again recently
But I am gonna come down and I'm gonna do that. I want to fucking fill that goddamn balcony of that place
I really they let me headline there for so many years now the Tampa M Provin like it's just you gotta go to sidesplitters, man
Bobby Joel.
I've never gone, he's gone.
He's gone, was he the problem?
No, he's not the problem, but he's fine,
but the BT and his wife on it,
do they restructured the whole thing?
I heard this side splitters has more of like the vibe
of like what the comedy, comedy,
other box, like, I'm saying, but also like,
the people who listen to like this stuff
and the radio and stuff.
Killbox dude, it sells out.
You fucking the guys there great.
It's fucking awesome.
You don't have that double stage, three tiered horse shit in the middle of fucking E-Boar
city.
It's danger zone.
It turned into a fucking when you walk there and I really you really are walking through a Cuban knife fight on your way back
to the hotel.
I did.
And then there was an active rooster problem.
Yeah, rooster is...
Yeah.
Actually, also the only hotel ever that called me on my shit and find me for smoking.
Smoking weed in the hotel.
They really?
Yeah, I've never had a problem before.
I always express stuff and everything,
but it just was like too much, I guess.
They came out, it was one of those things I was like,
they keep saying you smoked cigarettes,
and I was like, I have not smoked a cigarette in the room.
That's true.
I'm like, I have not smoked a cigarette in the room,
and all you see me go out here every couple hours
to smoke cigarettes, like, what do you mean?
And they go, so you smoked cigarettes in the room,
we were aware of it, and whatever. And then I just, by the third time I kind of bickered back,
they were like, they kind of gave me the face of like, dude, come on. I was like, all right.
I definitely did. So, they're, please don't make a say. You smoke, it's like, we're trying
not to get you in trouble. We're just giving you the fine. I'll eat the shit.
250.
250.
250.
No, man. I remember the beginning of when that first started becoming a thing,
I went with a tell to Syracuse for a gig and we got to the hotel and he goes to smoking
rooms and they go, we don't have smoking the whole hotel is non-smoking now. He goes,
oh, what? He's like, really? And she goes, yeah, there's $250 fine for the room, for
the rooms if they're smoking inside of me goes, all right, I'll just pay that now.
There you go.
No, so you can't, we can't let you pay to smoke in the room.
You're not supposed to smoke in the room.
He goes, I'm gonna smoke in the room.
He's like, so I'll give it to you an hour later.
I'm sorry.
That was hilarious.
All right, brother.
Look, man, I love you.
Thanks for coming on.
I love you too, man. Thank you for having me. It's good to see you guys, man. Look, man, I love you. Thanks for coming on. I love you too, man.
Thank you for having me.
It's good to see you guys, man.
Yeah, I'll see you next time I come down to Tampa for sure, Mike.
And I'll take out and you're fucking, let's hang out
in your, your guitar's bedroom.
Good luck with your election.
Thank you, thank you.
I will not get a tattoo of this gang selection
as I'm finding out that we are just radio hacks.
I never even argue with someone saying, and even joke I have and they go, it's been done, did I go, I know.
I'm an original content.
All right, brother, I'll talk to you later. Say I had a Christine for me, right?
I will do, guys.
All right, let it, buddy.
Let it.
What a fuck. He I will do, guys. I let everybody. Let it. What a fuck.
He's so fun, man.
I mean, you can talk to that guy.
You can let that.
You can let him talk for an hour.
You can talk to him.
He's just a fucking, you know, he's like you.
It just knows how to do radio, you know?
He's awesome.
He's great radio, too.
Really?
They're asking you should have asked him
which one of you to what he slept with. Oh, I think we know.
Fuck. I'm I can answer that. I think you would have said Bobby. I don't know about that,
dude. I don't want to fuck me. Jane, I have very similar. No one uses them themselves.
Body-wise,
body style, facial hair.
How, body words.
He has warts.
Jorts.
Jorts, you're both word, jorts.
See if he answers.
By the way, much love to mag back.
What?
Much love to mag back.
Mag back wallet.
Yes.
Hey, Jay, I'm so sorry.
You're still on the air.
We forgot to ask you a question you're on right now.
Yes.
If you had to, gun to your head.
Which one would you sleep with?
Me or Mike?
Gun to your head. Which one would you sleep with me or Mike?
Gun to the head.
Gun to your head. I'll tell you why. I'm going to go count to and this isn't a
look thing to do. You know, I'm not the kind of guy. I'm not the
superficial. This is more for like the idea. Yeah, it's just
going to be just a nice place. It's going to be a vacation. You
kind of feel to go into
that it was placed.
You know what I mean?
There's a lot of tasks to Mike that you're just not
bringing it to the table.
Sure, I'd like to have a good old fashioned fucking
Tussy Pound with me in a cigar barn, but I'm thinking
after that, I'm gonna want to probably hit a boat.
So Mike, Mike's your pick.
Out of Mike's my pick. All right, I love you, bye. Be beautiful. of I love you, bye
I'm glad I didn't shock to the same time
I can't believe why not even call
I was 100% sure he's gonna pick me
so is I
why would you want to fuck yourself?
I guess for a bigger place and a pool
I think people use the pool as an excuse.
Let me tell you something about people with pools.
If you have a pool and you don't use your pool, you're a fucking douchebag.
I agree.
I'm just saying that.
If you have a pool and you don't go in your pool, you're a fucking idiot.
You should give up your pool house.
Go get a regular house without a pool.
If you own a pool, go in your fucking pool
at least three times, four times a week.
Minimum.
Minimum.
Minimum.
Yeah, even if you don't have a kid.
You should fucking dip in there
and dip the fuck out at least three to four times a week.
I agree with that.
Thank you.
I knew you would.
You're a pool guy.
You have a pool and you go in it.
Your kids go in it.
There you go.
All right.
That was a fun show, man.
Good time.
I know you did something really good that happened to me.
Yeah.
I would love that.
So you turned me on the yellow stone, which is one of my all-time favorite shows.
It's a best.
I'm watching them on the hotbox.
And season three had two episodes on there.
So I thought there were only two episodes of season three.
So what of Yellowstone?
Okay.
So when you told me it was on Sunday night and something like, oh cool, let me go watch
episode number three.
There was like episode number nine.
I didn't know that.
So I would jump right over to Amazon, but the whole season and it was like, I have a whole new fucking season to watch. I'm so,
I'm so excited. I just found out about Jamie today. Yeah. I'm like, wait till this shit's done,
so I can go back and watch it again. Dude, I went back and watched season one. Yeah,
I'm gonna watch it. We watched season one. I just kind of blew through it. And I think I bailed out
of it at some point because something came up,
I don't know what the fuck happened.
Maybe it was the pandemic or something happened.
Now we're going back and watching season one.
I'm like, this is fucking great.
See gift number one is taking time because it's a, it had to be assembled and
had a, you know, it's an original piece. Asembled. Gift number two.
I got confirmations already on its way.
You'll probably have it by the end of the week
and you'll be very happy.
Now, did you get my gift today?
I did not.
Did not, but it's good because I wasn't prepared for it today,
so tomorrow, I'll be even better.
Or Thursday.
So it's probably gonna be the Friday.
I believe Friday, it's gonna be.
Perfect.
Oh, okay.
So what?
I'm going on a town Friday. That's right. I'll have no
The community will tell you. No, no, no, you can't tell it's perishable. Yeah, I'll have a freezer
Well, you gotta make sure that make sure this dingbat puts it in the freezer. Oh, whoa, whoa
What's so if you're talking about she's so she's she'll be yours. You gotta take care of my tortoise
My cat she's here every day.
All right. When you talk to her, how do you talk to her? I go soof. She's American. I go soof when
that package comes, puts it right in the outside freezer. And then what? What does she say?
Text me and she'll go packets came in the outside freezer. Okay. Make sure it says perishable on it.
Yeah. Can't be sitting out in that tampa fucking heat. Oh, she'll be here all day
Oh, what fucking cleaning lady stays all day
Soath the Alice live with the birdie bunch
You don't have a fucking soap place
It's just a live here. She comes here and spends the day
Alice like a fucking dog she lived off the kitchen in a fucking Huffle
She didn't Alice like a fucking dog. She lived off the kitchen in a fucking Huffle.
So if doesn't live here, but she's treated like family.
And she could eat at the real people's table.
She's not the other family.
No.
You mean family?
I don't know.
Is that your Hitler mustache?
Or do you mean family?
You mean family?
Yeah.
And she's treated like she's part of our family.
Not my father's family.
All right.
Well, hopefully I'll get an update for you tonight. I can't wait for one of these packages. Oh, I'm telling you're gonna love both them
Love I'm so bold to even say to love
The both of them equally or more than one I think you're like one more than the other but they're both super fucking cool
One is a complete and utter original.
Okay. And the other one is something that I'm not fan of original gifts.
You want duplicates? I like shit that everybody wants.
Oh, I was gonna say you like a original recipe. Oh no. You're gonna like, you're this is...
Hang on, let me stare at mush. My clap, you're gonna let your this is hang on let me stare at mush
My clap you can't give me
I look good tonight baby you do I could you guys had a weekend
You know off a little off the rails, but you're back on track you guys are looking good again
I say Friday night. We put it back on track Friday night show was one of the funniest shows we've done.
None of that food was.
Why? Oh, food was sorry.
I'm sorry.
Oh, you've been on me.
John made John made me fucking pizza I can have.
Collie flower crust.
Collie flower crust.
No dairy cheese and salami.
Very nice.
Hi, I'mami. Very nice.
Hi, I'm a fuck, it's waiting for me.
I'm dying right now.
I may have a problem on Friday.
What's your problem?
Friday I'm going to a hotel and my appearance in the show
is based on its internet.
Yeah, and you're gonna, what, you're coming from?
Your thing, Bobby.
Oh yeah, Friday I got my, I gotta to find out though I might not have a show. That's true. I got to find out we're working out the fans now we're working out we'll get on
at some point Saturday. I don't know if we're going to be doing the the party this Saturday.
I'm a universal studios on Saturday. It doesn't mean I can do it 11 o'clock, but I've been closed.
We might do 11, but we might do a short a show,
maybe 11 to 12, something like that.
So maybe we'll do 11, we'll talk about Friday,
but we'll work that out.
Tomorrow night, we have a very special,
I think we have a special guest tomorrow night.
We do?
Well, not a special, yeah, I mean, it's a new guy
from, it's a comic friend of mine
Who?
Yeah, she's a comic. He's an actor. He's a fucking Broadway actor. He's fan fucking fantastic. What is it?
His name is
One of his best friends
No, he's not one of my I'm not going to get hooked up.
I want to hide his gets hooked up if you don't even know.
No, Bill Dawes. I just forget I'm old. I forget people's name.
Bill Dawes. Bill Dawes will be tomorrow.
How are you spilling this lame? How are you spying?
Dawes, DAWES. Dawes is great.
William Charles Dawes. Bill Dawaws. He's a comedian. I don't know. He is
He's on some he's on tomorrow. We got Verzion on oh, I farted on Thursday and then Friday we have a
Dom we're gonna get Dom but I might I might have to cancel Dom and do it next week. How old is his kid?
He's a load of pictures. That's that's an old picture mush brought up a
14. I mean, mush, could you get as fucking updated? Oh,
build the haze. Yeah, mush goes and grabs the first
volume of works that searching.
mush is a real life Funko pop. Look at him.
I'm not sure. Which is a real life Funko pop. Look at him.
All right. So anyways, who's this?
What are you looking at?
Oh my God.
Well, yeah. And then so Friday, I guess we don't do because if you can't do it.
I just don't know what the hotel Wi-Fi is gonna be like it's not that I won't
I know it's 2000 fucking 20. I'm sure the hotel Wi-Fi is gonna be it's not
2098 where it's like you know dial up 50 kids six came out of
2098 there'll be holograms at that point. I hope both you you fucking, I always do as a laser gun, I'd shoot both of you right now.
Sorry, I'm a, I'm, I'm, I'm peckish.
Who's keep those phones going off like that?
That's mine.
I'm sorry.
I mean, that's all fucking chill.
I'm peckish.
If that was, if that was much, it'd be fluting your fucking mind. That's what people do. That's what I get to do
All right, so don't fucking don't fucking compare me to mush, okay?
Just staring the pop I know you are listen great show mush good job tonight your haircut looks fucking good
Cheeks look like you're storing nuts for the winner.
Most kids fat first in his cheeks.
Yeah.
All right.
He's got a very, very kempt beard.
Your beard is very clean and straight.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
All right.
There we go. clean and straight. Thank you. You're welcome.
All right, there we go. And then tomorrow, Catherine Kelly, a thousand pounds of funny almost picture on
dot com slash Robert Kelly, we do the show every night. Tomorrow
now we get Jesus Christ. We have a fucking Paul.
On the rents, build us tomorrow night, Paul,
verse, eat Thursday night. This show is the fucking we are the
Miami vice of podcasts. We are the crockin and tubs, tubs of Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday Follow me at Mike Vs. For us, follow Bobby at Robert Kelly live on Instagram,
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Follow, why could I be at why could I keep you to
to my guests and follow Mike at the mic culture show?
We are taking this show.
What?
Remember Gabby.
Gabby Gabby, Gabby Brian, fucking what is it? At Gabby? Gabby Gabby Gabby Brian fucking what is it?
Oh, and Gabby is Brian.
Gabby is Brian.com. I want to thank all you ladybugs for tuning in like you
always do to the good times to the bad times you stand by our side and you
support us and you guys are the fucking best. I want to thank all the new fans
that signed up all the ones that left because it was the end of the month
Sion and hey, come on leave can alone. We can we get over it please
Stop it say you forgive I will kiss Lewis on the mouth first before I ever forgive Ken. All right. We're gonna make me read this
We're gonna end the show on this right when I'm done you fucking exit this show you ready you ready?
This is an operation
Are you ready this is everybody to take away to know what we need to actually read the names oh
Yeah, let's read the names
They are right here
Well, I'm glad you haven't read it. I almost forgot that shit man. Yeah, most I must forgot it man
Oh, I make it big. I can't see it. You can't see that. You're going
for it. No, because Moch has it on fucking nine point,
hell, Vedica on his fucking. There you go. There you go. Ready?
Okay, here's a deal. I want to thank, I want to thank all you guys and girls.
And everybody in between for being a part of this Patreon. This is the fucking we do this every night. We love doing it. It's not a
hobby. It's a passion project. Okay. Me and Mike, I tie it. I look forward to
this every day. Not only fucking talking to these this knucklehead and having
mush air to fuck up to test my serenity. The guess we have on
are the best and you guys are the best. Welcome to the show. With that, let's thank Mark Tias.
Oh, bow. Tyler, Michael A. Patrillo.
Rich Lamos, Skip Van Islestein.
Alstein.
James Toomey.
James Toomey, isn't that somebody?
Who is that?
He's an old person who came back, I believe.
He's also a son.
Toomey.
Welcome back, you son of a bitch bitch Steven Ray. Who watch out for
the rays Nick. You fucking dick.
Welcome to the show. Love you kid.
Cody Streeter Matt Solomon. somehow
Chris I wish Mike how you doing my friend. I'm Robert Patrick Kelly and you're a friend of mine
Cuz you have fucking Irish Chris how Susie sis
Brandon Morgan.
Josh Bush has.
John Bush.
John, John Bush.
John Bush.
Devon, Devon, are you an arm wrestler?
Because you know what?
I got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
That's for you, motherfucker. Robert Newton, Kyle Pell, good duck.
Do you get Robert McGill? Robert McGill! Yeah, fucking snappy Devon, Bing Bang Boom,
the Bang Bang. No, stick, no, stick, no, stick, no, stick, no, stick, no, stick, no, stick,
no, stick, no, stick, no, stick, no, stick, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Andrew Lincoln. Oof. Walking dead. Steven Streckfoss.
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big Adam Goodbold Connor McGuinness your friends with the other guy. I know you're oh shingy at the papa
Julia jmenders stevey
Racking King Sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sking-sk-sk-sk-sk-sk-sk Yeah, 10 bucks, baby. Dylan, Palahell. Peel.
Gaffia. Kyle John.
Over 10. Oh, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, Hoover, we've a Smith.
Jaden, Jaden, Jason Barnett.
Eat it.
Yes, canna, canna, ch-ch-bow, ch-ch-bow.
Look it. Ethan got a lot of. Bouch, Bouch! Bipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipip Philop Jimanianas. Hey, what's up champ? Philop, you know what you get?
Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, John. And here's for you, Rudy.
And here's for your mother.
Thank you for your trip.
Champ. I said, champ.
I said, what's up?
Champ.
Casey Thomas.
We got Trevor Miller.
Thomas asks Trevor Miller.
Trevor, check this out.
Oh, oh, oh, 10 dollars, motherfucker. That's what you get, right? Check this out
$10 motherfucker, that's what you get right this are you
This are Ray what's up. I hope you're Ray Romano 10 bucks motherfucker. Oh, yeah You want this one T.T. 4 5 6 8 9 10
Smash the mouth. Yeah, take them with. 10 bucks, that's what you get.
And Lewis, that fucking cheap cunt said how much money he made.
He paid five bucks.
That motherfucker.
Five bucks.
I paid for camping.
I pay for every time he comes over, I pay for all the food. You couldn't
fucking none of $25 membership that cheek o'clock suck out. What the fuck a friend, a son's
of best friends. You couldn't have fucking throw me a twa- I give you your zoom to do
your first podcast. I fucking what the five bucks. Oh, welcome, Tremel Spencer. What, I'll ask for it.
Brails for it.
Brails for it.
Thank you.
Five bucks, Lewis.
Can you deal with that?
What a motherfucker.
It's a sign of his success.
Hey, guys, I hope you guys love the show.
I hope you love what we're doing.
I hope you're backing it.
You got any questions.
Please email mush at
Why can't you do at gmail.com
And if you want to contact us, please hit us up on social media Robert Kelly live at a
Everything Robert Kelly on Twitter, but I don't go there because it's a wasteland
For douchey people that have no lives and want to argue so anyways
Mike out they might count the show and Mike Calphe you guys are the best. We'll see you guys tomorrow night. I love you Mike.
See you, buddy. Bye, guys.
Say the line.
You know what?
You've been listening to the YKWD podcast.
Thanks for listening.
Now go back to your shitty jobs.
you