Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Bobby and the Chub Chubs

Episode Date: September 12, 2016

This week on YKWD: We have Yannis Pappas, Greg Rogell, Chris Distefano, and Rosebud Baker! We talk with Chris D about his new pilot, which got greenlit for network television. Chris seems to be in a v...ery enviable position, but Greg offers some perspective from being in a similar situation back in the day. Also, Bobby tries to defend Ann Coulter's appearance on The Roast of Rob Lowe, but is met with opposition from everyone in the room. Watch / Listen and enjoy!    RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.
Starting point is 00:00:20 Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night. Con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Estás listo a Robert Kelly? ¿Qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿qué es, ¿ to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a cost-defying. This podcast has no rules. Look at the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said, should I regret it?
Starting point is 00:00:50 Can I get a mic? No! What the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic-head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and he happens. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it.
Starting point is 00:01:03 Play both sides of the coin. That love doing it Side to the coin The day my podcast is popular Some you never know I'm coming in, all. I'm going to get it all over my face. I'm coming in, fucking on. God damn it. I'm working on my anger, Skophrus, so we're going to work this out without me fucking flipping out. Ah! Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean that.
Starting point is 00:01:42 This fucking kid. Let's work it out. I'm let's work it out. Let's work it out. I'm gonna work it out without getting angry. My headphone jack seems to be tangled with the computer wires. That was not me. I know it's not you, but as the producer of the fucking show, you were supposed to make- It was the same thing.
Starting point is 00:01:56 You was the same old one I was- That's not taking your mind. Oh, so I did it. So I did it. So between you and me- That's not poppuses here, everybody. Oh, yeah. What's up, man?
Starting point is 00:02:04 Yummy. What's up? What's up, dude? What's up, dude? How you doing? I'm, I'm yelling at Chris real quick. Okay. Mm-hmm. Which Chris? Oh, that one. That one. That one. That was a dumb question. Yeah. Oh, my yelling at is a dumb question. Yeah, that was a dumb question. If you ever come in here, I'm yelling at Chris Copa. Let's go. All right, so, but I'm not gonna yell anymore because I'm working on myself. No, come on, I want to hear some of you. What do you do?
Starting point is 00:02:30 Well, number one, he fucked up. First of all, I show up. We've been through this before. Everybody gets a water, right? But the first person to get the water should be me. Like if I show up, it's my, I started this on my cell phone Just do me a favor have me on the podcast when you like lose it and decide to kill him. It's coming now
Starting point is 00:02:52 It's gonna be you know, and I don't shine shoes anymore Bobby I don't bring waters anymore. Hey, you don't fucking get up. Put the fucking one. I got you fucking got you Bobby What are you fucking? Watch your fucking self-bombing. Watch your fucking- Whoa! You're gonna take that fucking kid! You're gonna take that fucking kid! He's a fucking- He's the worst. What is coming to her?
Starting point is 00:03:14 What's the Boston Virgin? What the fuck kid? This fucking kid. I love the jam this right, and you're fucking asshole. Lewis is probably headed in there a few times. Oh yeah. I know this has been the disaster. Yeah. I know he borrowed this. 100%. He's borrowed my dick out. He's really
Starting point is 00:03:32 snuck in his bag and playing washed it with his like a like a kid, little kid toothbrush. Well, what are you going to do? All right, welcome to the You Know what, two podcasts. We are back from the studio above the Comedy Cell right cast studio. We got a fun night. I'm excited to be back. Scopo did.
Starting point is 00:03:54 I just want a water. I mean, you know what I mean? If anybody should have a water, it should be me. That's all. And we fought about it. I've yelled at- I was shut up. I'm not fucking done.
Starting point is 00:04:04 You should be done at nine o'clock. It should be done. It was 8.45. I was stowed up and I had to get the call. Buddy. They had a wait for Janus's test. You're going to say where he's at in his career? I had to deal with the guy.
Starting point is 00:04:15 I had to deal with the guy. I had to deal with the guy. He had no decaf. I had to get a, so I had to make an executive decision to get you a decaf in my Ericano. I'm not a kid. Because I've had six coffees today. So I figured let me just get the taste of it.
Starting point is 00:04:28 Get D-Caf. I asked for an iced D-Caf with almond milk. I got a scalding hot black caffeinated no milk. Yeah, that's who I'm dealing with. That's my fucking guy. The ice is on me. I had fucked up the ice part. Yeah, you fucked up the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:04:43 But the other D-Caf was not on me. D-Po, this is your problem. You don't know how to fucking take a hit. Sorry, D-Poo, you're good. I also can't take a hit, but go ahead. You know how to take a hit. Oh, thank you. Here's the thing, you don't know how to fucking just own it.
Starting point is 00:04:56 That's your problem, you're excused for it. I just said I own it. No, my water! You should fucking go. I fucked up again. Again. Yet again. That's your new shirt. We're gonna be selling those, right? And yet again.
Starting point is 00:05:06 So you can just, my coat was perfect. Yeah, your coffee's perfect. I got a water. You just can, that he's the guy with the career. If anybody should get the fucking, not me, I honest. We're finished. I fucked it up. We're finished.
Starting point is 00:05:18 Greg's with fucking Russell. We're all done. All right? It's either Chris or the new girl All right, that's your only fucking out of Chris I did and you're not gonna meet these fucking people on a consistent basis if fat boy isn't fucking happy I see Chris out. No, you won't not like this You better make fat boy happy Anyways introduce
Starting point is 00:05:43 It's not your fault, Skopo. Shut up. I just thought you motherfucked up. You don't come in here, childhood a little bit too. That's my wife. You don't have to come in here. It's part Skopo part, Boston circa 1970 something as well. I just, here's what I'm gonna do.
Starting point is 00:06:01 Skopo, look at me. Look at me, look at me, Skopo, I'm at your level. I'm not yelling at you from above. I'm not, Skopo, I'm looking at you at your level. I'm gonna do. Scopo, look at me. Look at me, scopo, I'm at your level. I'm not yelling at you from above, I'm not, scopo, I'm looking at you at your level. I'm down with you. So you're not getting paid for comedy? Yeah. Scopo, about once a month.
Starting point is 00:06:12 That's fucking mean, by the way. What I'm doing, that's what we do here, no? What I'm doing is fucking helping. What you're doing is vicious. You're doing what they did to anchor. I'm enjoying my perfect coffee. Thank you so much. You treat scopo like I encolored last night.
Starting point is 00:06:23 Listen, I'm looking at you. I just like, oh, water. I'll get the water's out. But here, for me, all the time. If I show up, I just want to grab a water and drink it. Okay. Is that cool? That's cool.
Starting point is 00:06:34 You just have to have the water. Thanks. What I love about this podcast is, is this the podcast? Are we on or is this before? Are we rolling? Yeah, we're rolling. I was saying, I love it. I just never know what we're right.
Starting point is 00:06:47 Now the sound on here doesn't look right to me. That's, I think it's pretty loud to me. It's by design, so I think we're good. Oh, we're good by design. I love they just do things to control the fucking beast. They can curl fucking chubby tits. They fucking, but by design makes me so angry. I want to fucking bite my own nose. Go ahead
Starting point is 00:07:07 No, but it's cool. Thank you. I'm changing my office on the show and Danny LeBell is here Well, that's an inside joke. Nobody gets that I get it. I support it Yeah, but it's like nobody knows Danny LeBell. It looks like Daniel. Well, Louis CK people are like, huh If you look like Louis, he looks exactly like Daniel LeBell, but nobody knows him. Anyways, what's up, buddy? What's up? How you doing, man? Good, buddy, how are you? Good, good to be back. Good to have you.
Starting point is 00:07:29 Yeah, I was here last time you weren't here. And it was fantastic. Well, it was all right. It was okay. I saw the reviews. A couple of thumb, 24 thumbs down. Well, there's some people who just come on in the room when you're out there and just go,
Starting point is 00:07:42 Bobby's not here and then they just leave. Right? There was a lot of that of that well there was a lot of people getting mad about people talking about the gun issue on that episode yeah we weren't supposed to do that either we're gonna be talking about some issues tonight oh boy and I know you're gonna be fired up I didn't do it was it that happened at UCB I wasn't involved I didn't know you had dimples you're five o'clock always shadow cute kids hides it all right who Hides it. All right, who else do we got? Then we have Greg Rogal first time in the show.
Starting point is 00:08:06 First time. Thanks for having me. But you've been trying to come on for a while. These ones were me on the last week or two weeks ago. Last week. And you couldn't make it. Yeah, I haven't done a podcast in like five years. No shit, it was last one you did.
Starting point is 00:08:18 Probably the Nome's radio show. No shit. Yeah, but I really couldn't chime in on that one. Why? Because he was talking about how he's against reparations. So I thought I'd just sit that one out why why cuz I'm not a black guy How you doing, but I may move even on each other for how long oh man almost 15 20 years already right 20 years Fucking nuts, dude, you put on a little bit. Yeah
Starting point is 00:08:42 A little bit a little bit You put on a little bit. Yeah. A little bit. A little bit. It must be weird because you haven't changed. It must be weird for you to see a person like me. Like, just to see me go through all the changes. I've been through.
Starting point is 00:08:53 You've been the same. You're like my wife. You haven't changed physically since I met you. No, you haven't seen my X-rays. Really? Oh, inside your shit. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. Really?
Starting point is 00:09:03 I feel it. No. Oh, yeah. Post 40, I've gotten all kinds of. But no, no way. Oh, yeah, I'm sure really I feel it. No. Oh, yeah post 40 I've gotten all kinds of body. No, no way. Oh really kidney stones diverticulitis What else have I gotten? Chronic neck pain diverticulitis is when like a seed gets stuck in your stomach lining Yeah, and it fucks. I mean you got you to have it. Oh, it's horrible Yeah, though the when you have an attack, you attack, you go to the hospital and I was,
Starting point is 00:09:28 I've had two attacks and you're in there for like five days. They don't give you any food, no water for five days. Day four they let me suck on an ice cube. What's an attack? What is it? Well something gets trapped in the lining of the intestine. And you just blow it up and it's excruciating pain and Maybe I have that
Starting point is 00:09:49 Ten years without the pain part Maybe I just eat through it Shit, wow, so now I got I had to have 30 to 40 grams of fiber a day Wow, like a fucking cow. I eat one sweater a day. Really? Yeah, it's awful. Well, welcome to the show, finally, buddy. That's what I have, man.
Starting point is 00:10:11 You got it, buddy. And of course, we got fucking Starboy. The industry won't let them die. Brooklyn Zone. Brooklyn Zone, gorgeous fucking, funny, talented, good actor, great comedian, great, I mean just gorgeous, fucking great hairline, humble, cock sucker. Good dad, good father.
Starting point is 00:10:33 Good dad, good, huh? Someone's looking for a role. Good, good baby's mama. Good baby mama. Right? Baby's daddy. What is it called? I'm the baby daddy.
Starting point is 00:10:41 Baby daddy. Yeah. Chrissy D. Chrissy D. Chrissy D. Thank you. Chrissy D, congratulations on your, I mean, dude, you got, you know, everybody knows it was announced and everything. So, I mean, now here's a deal.
Starting point is 00:10:53 They tell everybody what happened, and then I want to ask you some questions about it. I sold a sitcom to CBS. Right. CBS pilot. But with who? Bays and Thomas, who created. And who was that? They created Howard Met Your mother. Okay, so here we go, right? I mean this is carcy Warner of their day basically. Yeah, the mother. They're big deals. Yeah big deals
Starting point is 00:11:13 So did you now did you meet these guys? How'd you meet these guys? They saw me at the comedy seller? Are you shitting me? Yeah, they just saw you well That my agent that we all are with the same agents right my agent brought them to the comedy seller just just like hanging out as it you know your agent uh Jonathan leave you from you to a boom yeah okay so he brought and then we and then we uh you know they were like and then we started to have meetings and and and then we you know we went to Hollywood and so so so not me ask question when when you were talking to me and you were like, oh, it's tough and all that.
Starting point is 00:11:47 And I was giving you pep talks, was all this going on? When was that? Was I wasting pep talks on you, Chris Dade? When was that? I don't know. We had a couple patty, hey, dude, you know, don't worry. But, you know, after bad news. You gotta do your own thing in this business,
Starting point is 00:12:01 you know, start a podcast. You can't depend on nobody. It's not like someone's just gonna waltz down to the seller, watch you in hand, you would deal. No, dude. You can't. We always get a spot for your riot cast if you need it. I mean, dude, for a guy who does really good characters,
Starting point is 00:12:19 could you try on the boss in accent? I mean, you didn't, most generic me up. You didn't, you as me. That's true, I didn't really put a lot effort into it. Yeah, what the fuck, I expect more boss in accent. I mean, you didn't most generic me up. You didn't you as me. That's true. I didn't really put a lot of effort into that. Yeah, what the fuck? I expect more out of you. I'm just enjoying this coffee so damn much.
Starting point is 00:12:32 It's perfect. I'm gonna get back to you. You mother fucker. All right. Who else we got? I got Rosebud Baker, first time in the show. Rosebud, welcome to the show. Thank you so much.
Starting point is 00:12:43 And that was out of your your I have to ask every name That's your name. That's your real name. That is what I've been called my whole life But my real name is Rosemary Rosemary Baker Baker Rosemary so Rosebud Baker yeah, and people call you Rosebud because of the movie or my parents Just call me that well could have been both Rosemary could have been cuz of the movie too. I could have been yeah, I guess no That was my dead grandmother, but yeah All right, well, I never met her. All right, go ahead. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:10 You never met your grandmother. She died before you. Yeah, she was a great grandmother, I guess. Oh, great grandmother. Yeah, that'd be weird if you met her. Right. I actually, mine was alive for, I think, three years. I met my, mine was alive for years.
Starting point is 00:13:20 Nobody asked you. Oh, yeah. Well, that's young for a grandmother. I'm sorry. I love watching Scopo get shit on this great. Wow, that's the show. That's shut your face. It's going to be depot getting shit on. Don't ever fucking talk about Scopo like that.
Starting point is 00:13:36 Thank you. Here I was already hosting. Why am I hearing somebody? Rose Mary Baker, you could not be anything but American with that name. That's one of the most American names of overhers. Roseberry Baker. Yeah. Where are you from sweetie? I'm from Virginia right outside DC. Right. My whole family's like southern. They're all from Texas. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Do I have an accent? Some people say that I do and some people don't say that. I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:14:08 You got that, you got just that, you know, regular, but you could see how you could turn it on a little bit. You have a slight twang. Yeah. A slight twang. You can turn it on though. Oh yeah, I can get real. How long have you been in New York?
Starting point is 00:14:20 10, 11 years. No shit. Yeah. Fuck how have I seen you? Yeah. Well, I've only been doing comedy for three. Three years no shit. Yeah fuck how that I seen you. Yeah, well, I've only been doing comedy for three three years. Yeah, all right Can't get up. I told you the four year is I will welcome to the show good to have you and then we got a couple guests on the couch Oscar into the microphone dumb dumb. We're doing a show
Starting point is 00:14:43 Oscar Gonzalez now Oscar Oscar I know you Let's introduce him Introduce these guys are fucking I'm gonna I'm signing these fucking two topics to a show right after this I was about to say you got two on the cap that's about all I can get on there. I'm telling Those guys look like they hang out together every day And he every meal, the same exact size. And they should be on twin motorcycles. Why would you name, what's your name?
Starting point is 00:15:15 Please go here. Here, here, here, here. Give me a favor. Gornialist out of that room and kick the wall down. And that's it. I want you to. Was the microphone on on. You said the greatest two guys have ever seen in my life. Yeah, I am.
Starting point is 00:15:37 That's my name. What's your name? Yeah. I came from Pennsylvania. Hang on one second buddy. It's not on. He didn't test the microphone. No, I didn't. We tested it out.
Starting point is 00:15:49 Are we still on air during all this? Oh yeah. I am Limer. Yeah. All right. I'm sorry, that was my fault. Okay. Did we get that on record?
Starting point is 00:15:58 I heard it. I got it. I love this coffee. Oh, fucking poured on your fight delicious and perfect. I'm going to pour it on your H&M hoodie. Thanks for calling and checking with me exactly what I wanted. What you doing? Lameir?
Starting point is 00:16:10 Lameir Lee. Yes. Yes. Came from Pennsylvania, like Lancaster. Tonight? Yeah. You came all the way from Lancaster. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:19 It's not that bad. It was like two hours, two and a half hours. It's not nothing. I live in Westchester. It's my show. I almost was like a two hours two and a half hours to snap nothing. I live I'm fucking living Westchester It's my show. I almost didn't come to the show You like Sorry, you wanted voices I got voices for you Bobby Because every time you break into her Maurizia, I think of Aspuzzi This one of my favorite things I've ever heard of my life. I keep Aspuzzi. Yeah. It's one of my favorite things I've ever heard of my life.
Starting point is 00:16:46 I keep Aspuzzi, that's sad. I was so bad to have sex with my wife and go, lick my ass. Pussy. So it's back to you. So how long you been a fan of the show, dude? For a while, maybe a year. Are you a tech guy? You seem like a tech guy. show, dude? For a while, like maybe a year. Are you a tech guy?
Starting point is 00:17:06 You seem like a tech guy. No, yeah, I do web design. You do. Yeah, yeah. You got good stuff. What name one of your websites you've done? I work on a website called dogbreedinfo.com right now. What is it?
Starting point is 00:17:18 Dogbreedinfo.com. I go to that site all the time. Really? Yeah. For real? Yeah, I'm obsessed with dogs. It's only me and one lady. Yeah, yeah. You do like, like, artwork and stuff. It? Yeah. Yeah, I'm obsessed with dogs. It's only me and one lady. Yeah, you do like like heartwork. It's me. I just fixed the code to make sure it's good. So you're smart guy. I'm
Starting point is 00:17:33 okay. I'm enough. We're not gonna check. I'm not gonna fucking hire an investigator. I'm into a dog. All right, there you go. I'm welcome to the show, buddy. You will thank you. You got to impass it. The Oscar is from San Antonio. Nice. And that's what he went to Texas. Now, here's the thing. He's not a comic, but he does podcasting. He's a big gamer, and he's a journalist.
Starting point is 00:17:59 I met him doing laugh out loud, LOL comedy, which is, at least the last time I was there, it was fucking awesome. Bitch, great crowds. Although you shed on me and my roommate. Yeah, well, dude, look at that fucking size of you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You just looked at us, you're like, yeah, you guys don't fix anything, you guys aren't men.
Starting point is 00:18:17 Yeah, you're not. Yeah, I'm not a character. Yeah. But for a fact, why the fact guys fingers don't get fat? Why do they stay down? Wow I'm like the silence after that as everybody got afraid and then this fuck all you But we met he you were just there one that after the show and you boy was he there too. I literally
Starting point is 00:18:50 listened to podcasts. It's day one since day one has been listening to you did it on your iPhone in the comedy club with Colin quit. That was the first one right that's true. That's awesome. That's true. And then you were at the club one night, we hung out, and we went over to the store. So, get on to Jim's, I was right down the street, and you ate like half the menu. Oh, jeez. Oh, sorry. You guys should cut me a bit. You gotta take it with that.
Starting point is 00:19:15 This one's when you were, we were both waiting in the back. Well, you were having a salad, but the fuck were you doing? I was thinking you just a bowl of chili. And then you guys hate notages hilarious. That's it, really complicated. You say holly or so much holly. Fucking go get a hot coffee. Like throw it in your face.
Starting point is 00:19:34 Let's show you how far back that was. The next day I took you to go get your iPhone 4s. That's correct. And a sandwich. No, we went to Ann Barbecue. His for barbecue. Oh yeah. And he asked, when he walked in the restroom.
Starting point is 00:19:45 He got his wiped his brow like holy fuck. I don't know where to sell it out. We can close it one. Just close it down. Well, we went to your family's restaurant too. Right. Blanco cafe. Oh, it was us.
Starting point is 00:19:57 I mean, dude, it was, you know, when you go to a Mexican restaurant and you're the only white person there. Yeah. That's when you get some good food. They had nachos, but original nachos. Right. The nachos we get is, you know, That's when you get some good food. They had nachos but original nachos. The nachos we get is, you know, it's like fucking just a massive thing of chips and shit just melted and you go get that. Original nachos is like 12 nachos, right?
Starting point is 00:20:16 Yeah, and it's $7. Yeah, $7, you get 12 nachos flat on a plate with the cheese and a jalapeno. You got a good memory for that. Excellent. You got a whole history together. and a jalapeno. You got a good memory for that. Excellent. You got a whole history together. But they're real chips. Like they make them from the actual...
Starting point is 00:20:32 They don't make them there, but they're not fat-checking fatsos. Okay. But everything else, it's not like other places where they just throw a bunch of cheese on in and say here. Yeah, it's actually cooked really well. Yeah, wow, you're really selling it. I'm trying to sell it. It cut me off. But God, you do you think it's cooked very, very nice.
Starting point is 00:20:52 That's good. It's not real. It's not that good. Yeah, we don't make it there. We go some other Mexican place. We get them 7-11. Yeah, we go another better Mexican restaurant down the street. But it's good.
Starting point is 00:21:05 No, but we went there. The other guy, what's his name? That's Mike Swarris. Mike Swarris, an economic great guy. I actually electrocuted him. We went to the mall. And you know those people that the Kiosk and they have the massages that you
Starting point is 00:21:18 attached the little pads to you. And you can turn the electricity up and a gel chair. I put it like two of them on them, and I turned them all the way up, and the poor kid was just going, gee, gee. One of the funny things, and then I had a guy, I had the sketch art, a sketch of him,
Starting point is 00:21:36 and I gave him the sketch of me electrocuting. How you doing? Bob Kelly, on the middle for me? Anyways, we're welcome to show everybody. Of of course we got depo the master video producer of Everything what's up buddy? How you doing? Great man. Sorry mr. Part of this weekend. Yeah, it was a great party Wow, I wasn't invited. Yeah, you were that was not I didn't invite you. No, yeah Here's a deck. Yeah, we're Greg. You're not a man. I invited double sitting right next to me Yeah, no, you're inviting listen. Here's the thing with this party. Yeah, you're not a vet. I even invited W sitting right next to me. Yeah, but no, you're inviting.
Starting point is 00:22:06 Listen, here's the thing with this party, okay? Should I not have brought it up? Was that a big no-no? Well, yeah, I was gonna bring up comedy center roast and just fucking slide on that, but apparently, not gonna deal with two fucking disgruntled ghosts. What? Sorry about that.
Starting point is 00:22:19 No, it's all right, Dory, but and Chris, welcome to the show. Thank you. Chris, can I have a. Thank you. I'm Chris. Can I have a nice crisp water, please? Yes. Water? Thank you.
Starting point is 00:22:31 Oh, Bobby, we're going to hand deliver it. Thank you. I appreciate that. Why, you had to get a pin. There's a water right there. Would you like this water? Yeah, just give me that water. I got the one without the label.
Starting point is 00:22:39 I'm a little concerned about that. I'm not. You're not going to want one with the label. It's like a label off, so you don't get germs. Thanks, I appreciate it. You're a germ-free guy. A little bit. A little bit bit a little bit. I mean is it a Jewish thing or it is a later in life things? Oh no Jews the word germ just kind of you know bad memories right there. Oh really? It's very close to German. Oh I just there were more from everybody. I got it right away. I almost stood up my water. No the, the two guys in the couch, the blackout was just looking at him like what? Chris is in his old world of success right now. I know. No, no. Well, let's talk about,
Starting point is 00:23:12 I'm gonna talk about you dumb success, which I'm so happy for you by the way. Really am, dude. Well, you know, now you knew about this before they announced it. You knew that the show, the pilot got picked up. The pilot just is gonna get there. You knew that the show got, the pilot got picked up. And then- The pilot just is gonna get there. You're gonna make a pilot, but here's your shit out of it right now.
Starting point is 00:23:30 No, no, no, I'm sorry. I didn't get green. The pilot- I relax. The pilot's gonna get made. Yeah. But you knew the pilot's gonna get made and they're gonna make this big announcement.
Starting point is 00:23:38 How exciting is that? It was exciting. I knew for like two days before. Right. And then it was exciting. It was like one of days before. Right. And then it was exciting. It was like one of those things where it's exciting when it gets announced, because you get so much stuff on your social media
Starting point is 00:23:51 and you're phone and all that. But then like comics as it starts to go away two, three, four days later, nobody's, now there's nobody texting. Now you're like, I suck again. You know, really? Yeah, yeah. You're making a, you're gonna make the pilot.
Starting point is 00:24:06 Yeah, but you know how slow the process is. So like in this meantime, you just start to feel like, Chris is a humble guy too. He doesn't need it. But it's very interesting that you say that because it is true. Because people don't understand, you know, even though you have success,
Starting point is 00:24:22 you're still kind of like, we still get insecure about it. Well, like, we don't deserve it, it's gonna go away. Sure. You know, you know, two deals go over the years. You've had a couple, dude, you don't understand, this motherfucker, you wanna talk about big time. He was on... I picked a moment.
Starting point is 00:24:45 For a little bit, a year or two, right? I did a deal with NBC and I did this. So what do you, you go on, what was the first show you were on? First TV show was The Nanny. Well, the tonight show, you know, but no, The TV show. Yeah, that was The Nanny. You go on there.
Starting point is 00:24:58 Yeah. Friends, actually, she wanted me to be the warm up for the show. Right. I had a deal with NBC. Yeah. So she, her and her husband actually wrote an episode with me in it. And then when I got out there, they wrote another episode. So I did two back-to-back episodes.
Starting point is 00:25:10 And then NBC, because it was on CBS, put their foot down, so he's not doing anymore. Why? Because I had to deal with them. They didn't want me to do it. So they fucking squelch her. Why don't you do the deal? I wanted to, but my shitty manager at the time
Starting point is 00:25:24 was like, you're going to have the Greg Roguel show, fuck this show, you know? Really? Yeah, and that show never panned that. Did you do a pilot throw in everything? No, we didn't get a pilot. In fact, at the time, I deal with this guy Fred Silveman, who was a big deal back then. And one of the writers jumped ship and went to a Jamie Tarser show, she was at NBC,
Starting point is 00:25:44 and they had a big fight about that. So then when I, my show didn't go, then I got to deal with Disney, ABC bought Disney, and they made Jamie Tarser, it's the president of ABC, and she didn't want to read my Disney script, because she was still, because I was lumped in with this Fred Silverman deal, and so she had, there was bad blood that I really had nothing to do with so then that show and the Disney show is actually a good show but she wouldn't read the fucking script and then nobody else wanted to read the script because she wouldn't read the script. Yeah it'll politics you know. Wow so that's what
Starting point is 00:26:16 that's why I'm here on Bob Kelly show business. Yeah. I made good money though I mean it was great money and it was a How much was it? There were three frigid deals. What it with three frigid deals really? Yeah, she made like what 10,000 I made good money. I was able to buy my place here in New York. All right There you go. Yeah, so yeah, I can plan it about it. That's great They're still around you still fucking killing it you tore a Russell you're fucking you just did a whole world tour Mother fucking funny guy? No thanks buddy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:48 We just played in Saudi Arabia. 5,000 Sunni Muslims, men on the left, women on the right, with a big sheet separating down the mask. As it should be. As it should be. At the Comedy Salah. The biggest comedian in the world, I think Russell is still his probably. It's no comic who can sell out sell out is better than Kevin Hart?
Starting point is 00:27:05 No, I just mean by the numbers he can go anywhere in the world I just thought he's like soccer He's like soccer I can't just don't get it Yeah Oh, excuse me He's a huge, shenny, salarious No, I'm kidding
Starting point is 00:27:17 He's one of the He's one of my fans He's one of my favorite guys, most favorite players And I'll tell you why His brother Him And his whole crew The sweetest I've never met a nicer guy I mean he is this one of the sweetest guys in the business. Yeah, he surrounds himself with certain people with positivity
Starting point is 00:27:34 He surrounds himself a beautiful people man. We were coming out of Montreal was one at the airport He walks up to this fucking massive stuff the animal at the airport and he goes He goes let me get that and he goes, Bobby this is V's son max My kid just was born. I was like, that's beautiful. I mean, it was kind of a dick move because now I'm gonna fucking fly with this You could have fun if you're so rich, why don't you fucking chip it? It was such a sweet. Incredible. So if I say me things about them, please, let me say them and let's laugh and then we'll move on.
Starting point is 00:28:10 I don't know, but yeah, no, it's great. I mean, but, I mean, look, man, this is a massive deal for you, Chris. Let me just say it before you trash it. It's a fucking great thing. You had benders, you had you have a guy code You had benders and then benders went away and I remember after benders You're like I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do right cuz guy code was you know going away for you
Starting point is 00:28:33 Yeah, benders went away. I mean benders should have been 5 6 7 years on IFC yeah and Bum bum bum bum boom. Yeah, and it goes away from I don't know why cuz it's a great show Yeah, I really enjoyed it. Yeah, the funny funny. Fucking great on it too. He was I'll be honest for you. I really I was watching I'm like okay Let me say I didn't I didn't think you were gonna be my favorite Me and my wife will watch this because we got because my management did the show, you know Jim several on Tom silly that was their first show they wrote and directed
Starting point is 00:29:06 and produced. Right. I fucking dude, me and my wife, well how old are you? I was so, like, I didn't know if, I was like, I probably like them, but you know, I didn't think you were gonna be that funny, hilarious dude.
Starting point is 00:29:19 Fucking hilarious. I was dying and the outtakes at the end, all this, and I know shit that you added Unbelievable funny show to chip that I do yeah, you do you do No, it was it and it was very close to me as a real person to do that character So now you know leading into this pilot. I think I feel like confident about what I can do there But at any moment, you know, like, with the, like, you don't need to say it. We know it.
Starting point is 00:29:47 We know the business, buddy. Right. This is a problem with us as comics, is we don't worry about the work and we don't have fun doing the work and we don't have fun in the process of it. And we're not humbled enough and grateful enough to enjoy it.
Starting point is 00:30:01 We're worried about it being taken away. Right. And I think famous people don't worry about that. I think successful people worry about the work and enjoy the process. I think they worry about it. They're all to the day that does. Look, I think not as much as fucking me.
Starting point is 00:30:17 Okay, I know a lot of guys that spend a lot of time going, it's this, it's that, and it's, we never fucking go, this is great. Right. We never go, this is fucking awesome. If you're a guy who knows like you can go anywhere and your seats are full, I think you're thinking about the work because you can afford to just think about the work. Yeah, but you could do that too even though your seats are definitely not full. They're not. Yeah, but not.
Starting point is 00:30:40 Did you speak to the punchline and failure or something? Did you speak to the punchline and Philly or something? Uh-huh, she's a price. Scrooching halt on that one. I was pulling the punchline and it's a 900 cedar. I know, but I didn't fill. Listen, it's not that, but listen. Front tables. Did waitresses sit down.
Starting point is 00:31:01 Maybe old days at the seller? It's an audience of ghosts. Yeah, you're fucking doing it, dude. I mean, you're writing a pilot with successful people about you, which is great. Well, no, I know like the blessing is in the opportunity and I should focus on that. But it's just, you know, on me.
Starting point is 00:31:16 So it's hard for me, you know. I think a lot of us, comics are dysfunctional to begin with and you can't shed your own skin. So no matter how successful you become, you're still you, and just what changes of the people around you just become weirder. You know what I mean? Right, right, right.
Starting point is 00:31:31 So I don't think you're ever fully comfortable unless you do therapy. Also, this is like such a bipolar business. Like it's not normal to get up on stage and feel that high as high as we go, all that acceptance and the laugh. So you can't go too high, because you're always scared. You're gonna, because inevitably, you know, you go low.
Starting point is 00:31:48 You don't want to go too low. But I think that, you know, I'm so, I'm so, but I, look, I think that, what is the disappointment? If it doesn't work. Yeah, but if it doesn't work, you do something else. You just keep going. So, but yeah, but you don't do, you do something else.
Starting point is 00:32:01 No, it's fine. The thing is, is that you think you're gonna, the thing is, I believe that you know, it goes away and you'll never do anything else again That's what it's like okay, you had you you had all the success Greg It was oh my god. You are gonna be the next Ray Romano correct? You're gonna be that type of guy Set for life your own show hit. I was looking forward to that right And that fucking drop off it It drops off, yeah. When it didn't happen.
Starting point is 00:32:27 Yeah, there was a couple of years of depression, you know. Okay. I moved out to LA, tried to jump-start it again, fired all of my agents, and then I just kind of fell apart. And then I went on, Shepel actually came out to LA and when I was the peak of my depression and he took me on tour with him. So he helped me a lot. And then I worked my way back to New York
Starting point is 00:32:50 and started hitting the clubs again. But I've grown from it, you know. He did, I'm still plugging away. I mean, it's been, I've been doing this 25 years. I'm still making a good living at it. He's still making a great living. Just toured the world with one of the great comedians of our time.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Yeah, played all the bigger. A good friend. I love him. He's a great guy. He's fucking great. That's what I miss the other tours over, but that's what I miss the most is is working with all the guys, the camaraderie. I mean, you know, do you feel like you were when you when you like when it all fell through or you like what's the point like did you come up with like an answer to the question of like what's the point? I got fed up with the business, know I just I didn't I you know but I'm just I was blessed with the fact that I was still able to work. So that's like the point for you. Yeah. Just the enjoyment of it
Starting point is 00:33:38 just working. Yeah well it's I it's almost I feel like sometimes we're almost about to hit the lottery. Right. Yeah. You're about to hit the lottery. Right. Yeah. You're about to hit the lottery. You didn't get the numbers yet, but you're close. If your show gets picked up, but here's the thing, it's got to get picked up. So you have to worry about it. You have to film it. Sure.
Starting point is 00:33:56 Now it has to wait and see them, you know, tested and people and someone's in a room. He's nice and I don't like him and blah, blah, blah. And then it's network, right? Sure, yeah. It's even worse. It's worse. It comes out of your hands, you know what I mean? You can only do so much and then you don't have control over the rest of the roster.
Starting point is 00:34:11 Yeah, right. So now they're gonna walk and then they come back, we're gonna pick it up. Right. Right. 13 episodes, 23 episodes, whatever it is, right? Whatever it is, yeah. Yeah, and then they're gonna walk in every week, every radian, and people, and this week was bad and this week, every rating, and people, and this week was bad, and this week,
Starting point is 00:34:26 and then you, some fucking dude at ap9.com is gonna go, yeah, I don't like this guy, and all this shit's gonna have to read the good and the bad, right? And then you're gonna have to wait to see if it gets picked up. You're right where you are, now, right before you got it. So it's never ending process of fucking almost gonna be disappointed or almost gonna have your dreams come true.
Starting point is 00:34:53 Well, that's why, what did your dreams come true right now? Is this it? No, what I do with all that, because everything that you just said out loud is what goes through my mind, even though I can't control anything, I still think about that. But I do, I'm telling you, I just get completely lost in my daughter.
Starting point is 00:35:12 That's all I do because I'm like, if I don't, then I'll sit there like that. And then the next thing, you know, I'll call my agent, be like, I can't do the show, I'm not going to do it. But if I just watch her, you know, try to take a learn how to, you know, potty train and clap, like, I'm good. You know what I mean? So that's what I do. I mean, she's a big part of the reason why my stand-up even became interesting to guys at that level.
Starting point is 00:35:32 So I feel like, you know, she's like a big blessing. And that, you know, I feel like when I first got, when I first told some of my peers about ... Can you say that word without the Brooklyn and it can even drop? I'm not fucking peers he's his body tried to pronounce it right my pants You know, you know this is just a fucking pure comic. I love it. He's literally like listening his daughter and his P. This is a great story. He just fucking snaps and with you. You got fucking repeat. He's always home. He's on stage. Right. Yeah, he actually took the mic out for that one. I know. Had the black comic that one.
Starting point is 00:36:14 That's a very honest. The only one that allowed to take the mic out. I've been doing it. Ever. Yeah, since the flood city days there. Danny LeBelm. Umel So what about your peers? What about you? It's not that it was just when I you know when I was going through it because you know my situation was I met Girls so quick and then she had the babies, you know, we'd ban each other like you're you know Some of my peers like you're gonna ruin your career right having this baby. This is the dumbest thing you could ever do blah blah blah
Starting point is 00:36:41 And now it's like say to somebody and now it's now it's like, I knew when all that stuff was happening, I was like, who's the closest, I was like, think about like, who was the closest person to me that, like, what was that person's advice? It was my father. And right away when I told him, he was like, oh, congratulations, you know, and I was like, oh, so, you know, maybe this is a good thing.
Starting point is 00:37:01 Then, so now I'm seeing no matter what happened. So I kept it, That's what you said. So I kept it. So now it being your dog. That's the name of the show. It's the name of the show. So I kept it. Yeah, great name.
Starting point is 00:37:14 Yeah, perfect. I'm just holding a kid by a diaper. Yeah. I'm going to put a ring girl on a cell phone behind you. Yeah, she just looks at her. I kept it. High heels and a dragon tattoo and a cast. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:29 Yeah, so we've just given the thumbs up in the back room. So now I feel very, now I feel very like free almost of the misery that goes on in our heads about comics, about being depressed and all that, because I'm like, whatever happens to me, I want to be, I want the show to work, I want to be a comedian for 30 depressed and all that, because I'm like, whatever happens to me, I want to be, I want the show to work, I want to be a comedian for 30 years and all that shit. But honestly, if you took it away from me tomorrow,
Starting point is 00:37:51 I'd be like, all right, I'll just be a physical, as long as my daughter's good. I don't care. She'd have to go food. Yeah, she'd have to be eating fucking empanadas. Yeah, she had it from spinal condition because she's gonna afford to take it to the dog back. Right, right, yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:03 That's the fucking, yeah. Move back to sunset park. You know what I mean? But, uh, we have to work at a social club making a espresso for gangsters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Henry, do you? Oh my God, if she becomes that, I know my f-.
Starting point is 00:38:18 Stop, she's not. Stop, I don't wanna say that. Stop. I was watching that movie the town the other night, and I'm like, yeah, and what, that girl Blake Lively's character, she's just like a fucking salty, like, I was like, if the town the other night and like yeah, and what that girl Blake Livelees character She's just like a fucking salty like I was like if that's my daughter. I'm gonna fucking lose it Fucking doing drugs banging Ben and a flag
Starting point is 00:38:41 Stop I mean like you you, Janice, you were in, um, Naomi, you've got a show in Naomi. You were in Miami. Oh, Miami, okay? Miami, you're in Miami. You got a show, you're fucking killing it. Yeah, making great money. Yeah. And you, you decide to fucking say, fuck it all. I did walk away from a lot of money.
Starting point is 00:38:58 You walked away from a lot of money to come back here to do stand up. Probably a big mistake. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I put my shirt back up and came here and started wearing black again. Yeah. That's what we do up here. We're black and try to get shit accomplished. Yeah. Now you had a belt down there. And it's shirt open. Chess hair showing.
Starting point is 00:39:20 Fucking BMW. Florida ceiling windows. Yeah., you you pretending you're Cuban instead of fucking Greek. Yeah Keppasa. Yeah, I was rolling. What was it called weapon the morning? Is that what didn't pull the web? You know, this is down there doing weapon the morning. So yeah, it was yeah, I did that you did that. I mean do you regret it? No, I don't know man. I mean the money would have been nice, but seriously do you go fuck? I fucked up. I should have done one more year moments where no I mean I mean it would have been two more years that they were trying to force me into wow if they had offered me one more year at the Money they were at they were telling me they were getting that they were offering for the third year. Yeah, I might have done it
Starting point is 00:39:58 It would doubling they were basically doubling the money on the third year Right second year was just like a 10 gram bump. Right, so I was like, for the pay you in grams. That's what it works. That's what I am. That's what I am, yeah. We're going to give you a 10 gram. For you, it is good stuff, man. But you missed, because you,
Starting point is 00:40:18 you honest and I would talk all the time when you were down there, you missed the hustle of stand up though. Oh, yeah, you did talk to the time. That's remember, like you were like, you could, even though you loved your life, you were like, the hustle, you missed the hustle of standup though. He did talk to the town. That's remember, you were like, you could, even though you loved your life, you were like, the hustle, you felt like a party was missing because you were, the hustle side up was gone.
Starting point is 00:40:30 You know what, if I was like in my 20s, I would have done it. I would have stayed for another two years, but there was a lot of facets down there. You know, it was in my, yeah, was that, was that why? Right? Is that why he should have stayed there since I had that. I thought people were gonna get behind the car.
Starting point is 00:40:42 I mean, I was thinking that cocaine more. Oh, yeah. No, it was fun. I was single for a year down there. It was people were going to be on the ground. I mean, I was thinking that cocaine more. I was fun. I was single for a year down there. It was great. I needed it at that time. But, you know, it was the stand-up and just moving my career for. I felt like fusion.
Starting point is 00:40:54 You know, fusion's not a big. I mean, it was great. I was like TV bootcamp, but it's not like I knew it wasn't going to bump my career. It was going to move my career. It was just going to be the money. It's a tough situation because here you are. I called you. You get when I decided to go. Yeah, remember I had that long talk with you.
Starting point is 00:41:08 You even remember it? Yeah, I do, I talk to you a lot, I remember that. Because it's a weird thing, you got these guys who just make it and never not make it. Right. And you know, these people in our business, these comics who just make it, and they seem like they never have a fall, you know, just these people in our business, these comics who just make it, and they seem like they never have a fall, you know,
Starting point is 00:41:29 they just keep going or stay where they are. I'm talking right over there. Well, not really. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I don't think so, dude. I don't think he's one of them because it's true. It's like, I think, you know,
Starting point is 00:41:40 he, I think the first thing, the guy coat thing you're fucking cool to fall into, but look at what, look at the situation, was part of that. I mean, all of a sudden, he's with an ex-girl that's fucking trashin' him before he goes on. And he's got a headline, I mean, I would have fucking to do it.
Starting point is 00:41:54 I would have thrown away the money. I would have sucked my dick, I'm out. But you know, that situation was good, money-wise, but sucks socially and and mentally and then he goes into benders And this is a great fucking thing and I have seen doesn't get behind it and can't see it after and here is with a bit now He's with a baby so and the the the process of getting this show picked up was a nightmare Sure, because you got it, you know, you got a meat talk boards. What do you do this and that yeah? What about that? I'll be sending you okay? Let's do it and now you got to go in and pitch and, what are you doing? This and that, yeah, what about that? I was saying, okay, let's do it.
Starting point is 00:42:26 And now you got to go in and pitch and sell this shit. And you go into the room and it's like, being bangin' and these people interested. And then you got to wait. And then they finally say, yes. And now you got to go fucking film it. Right. And that's the, that's-
Starting point is 00:42:37 Right, it didn't film it. Yeah, right it in the film. No, there's 30, 40 pilots. And then it's a very small window, only two or three actually get to go. I don't think anybody, I don't think anybody just goes straight up like I mean when you it's easy to see things from the outside like that But I think of a few that way Right
Starting point is 00:42:58 I'm saying like what are you saying? Personally, what are you saying four years Let me guys tell me tell you about this. I'm not talking about the business. I'm not talking about the business. I'm talking about life in general. I'm saying if you go regardless of what the secret behind it is. You take a public speaking course before you go to comedy. You want to use your hands. Expression.
Starting point is 00:43:17 If someone's going up, go up. Don't go straight down. That's negative. Wave down. Oh, God. I'm saying wave down. I'm saying wave down. If they're going down, don't go straight down. That's negative. Wave down.
Starting point is 00:43:28 Oh, God. I'm saying, regardless, if you like in life, you've got a lot of ups and downs. So it's easy to see. It's not. I can't help it. I can't help it. There's a lot I'm going to try not to do it.
Starting point is 00:43:41 Are you sure you're not Italian? I'm not. It's a lot of hand just. It's Southern. Southern. I got it. Now you get to do it. Are you sure you're not Italian? It's a lot of hand gestures. It's Southern. Southern. Now you get to it, right? It's hard. You can make it.
Starting point is 00:43:49 I'm just joking. You go ahead. It really helps you talk. There's a lot of ups and downs in life. So when you watch somebody from the outside, you go, oh, they're life so easy, but then you don't know what they're actually like going through. Thanks to any Roberts. Sorry, that's what we go on this cast.
Starting point is 00:44:05 No, I am. I am sometimes I'm horrible about that. No, it's just you like I'm very Motivational. You're true. I think all right. Let's name them. Let's name the people who dane straight up straight up.
Starting point is 00:44:17 Even you think that he's you know, Pete Davidson straight up straight up. Michael Chase straight up straight the fuck up. Drod. Yeah. Who? Drod Carm, straight to fuck up. D'Rod, yeah. Who? D'Rod, Carmichael. Straight to fuck up. Yeah. Okay, so I take that.
Starting point is 00:44:29 I'm not gonna say hell straight to fuck up. Yeah. Hannibal, fucking straight up. No, no, he was homeless for a little while. Yeah, but that don't count at the beginning. No, he, but he was in it a couple years even when he came here. He's homeless. Come on, he's struggling a little bit, but then he went straight up.
Starting point is 00:44:42 Straight up. Once he got his foot on the ground, I straight out. Amy. Amy straight up. Straight up. But it looks rich. Ross. Yeah. Side-hand gesture for that.
Starting point is 00:44:55 Yeah, there's people though, which is straight up. And look, not, no, let me preface this by saying, you go straight up, there's a lot, you still have to do all the work. You can't, there's not somebody doing the work. When you get a movie or you get a TV show or you're on a show, you still have to write and perform at a high, high level, which in some respects can be harder
Starting point is 00:45:18 because you don't have the experience behind you. And all those guys are real funny. I mean, they're just, yeah. They're all right. I want them to say, and it's a bad thing to go straight up. And he would fucking love those shoes. The straight-up shoes. I just have shoes that I made of lead. You haven't, you haven't harco straight up? Straight the fuck up. Yeah. If you have that joke about because Keith brought him to Philly from Philly to New York
Starting point is 00:45:45 and Ben Bailey at a roast said, Kevin Hart in Keith Robinson. Keith Robinson brought Kevin Hart to New York under his wing and Kevin Hart ripped that fucking wing off and flew to Hollywood. Now, Keith is doing circles between Philly and New York. Con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desesperan. ¡Fliparás!
Starting point is 00:46:25 Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. No, con esa attitude. No hay noja de gestos. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. I got no hand gestures on that. You look more like him. I just have that. I think it's, you know, but my point is that we can all, you know, we're all working.
Starting point is 00:46:50 You know what's it's, you know, yeah, well, sorry, go ahead. I was gonna say, you had a few deals, TV deals that didn't go. Right. So now looking back, when you look at back, like when you were upset then, are you happy now? Cause like, if you had, if that had worked out, then this wouldn't have, I always wonder about that. I think, yeah, I think, you were upset then, are you happy now? Because if you had, if that had worked out, then this wouldn't have, I always wonder about that. I think, yeah, I think, you know, like,
Starting point is 00:47:08 but I also think like if I was in those, I believe a lot in like the timing that we don't even realize, like, you know, when I was still a physical therapist, I quit my physical therapy job. And then like three days later MTV was like, we wanna give you an overall deal. And they didn't know that I quit they just it was just like I don't know I feel like it things happen when they're supposed to I try not to
Starting point is 00:47:31 worry so much about like if this and that but but yeah yeah because if I say for example if benders was season two I wouldn't have gotten a CVS pilot it's interesting to think about that yeah it's really like when you think about because you probably upset you like fuck and then like yeah. It's all like it ends up being a good thing which is you know what I keep I always keep thinking it's over but then I keep I was I was a basketball player in high school college and like my whole life was basketball. Yeah. And then so when I when things don't go my way in this like when benders gets canceled I just I'm like well I have to go you know take a thousand jump shots like I would in well, I have to go, you know, take a thousand jump shots, like I would in basketball.
Starting point is 00:48:07 I have to go, never don't turn down a spot through shows at the Grizzly pair and the Comedy Seller, and then he just pointed to scope on that. No, I did that. I was totally, no, I went over that side of the room. I'm in Grizzly pair, because it's out that way. He's so nice, I got what, you know, I didn't point it at the point.
Starting point is 00:48:22 He's so nice about it, he's like, no, I didn't mean it like that. I didn't, I didn't meet it like that So is it this grizzly pair It's the grizzly bear Ha, no stuck no that's true though Look man, I'm on a show now. I don't I last year I'm in the same position. I am this year is it getting picked up who the fuck knows and if it doesn't get picked up I gotta go I've been writing, I work all the time. I got something in the can ready to go.
Starting point is 00:48:50 Right. You know, you can't just sit, oh, I'm on a show. I'm on a fucking show and we filmed it and it's great. Yeah. We're gonna be comfortable. No, you gotta come up with ideas and have them ready to go. So it's like, I think Louie said it.
Starting point is 00:49:05 It's a job. Right. It's just a job. You can write a script and write a script and get somebody to pitch it. They want it. I mean, these people want a year ideas. And now with fucking with the way shows are shows are this 400 shows on TV. Yeah, and you know half hours are different now.
Starting point is 00:49:29 There was a big article Jim Srebikou made me read from I think it was a variety with the two heads from FX. Talking about it's not it's no longer You know this is the way net with the way the network used to do shows. You can do whatever you want to half hour Anyway, you want it Louis fucking just through all that shit away now. Yeah, so you can do whatever you want in a half hour, anyway you want it. Louis fucking just threw all that shit away now. So you can do whatever you want in a half hour comedy. Well there's really only a few half hour comedies that like people tune into when they air kind of thing, you know, it's like, and that's mostly
Starting point is 00:49:57 the Midwest probably. It's hard to get people, it's hard to get people, network is better because it's such, you know, people watch NBC and CBS. Well, that's kind of changed, too. That's changed. I watch less and less network, doesn't it? I watch, well, here's the thing is that they don't even
Starting point is 00:50:13 care about overnight's anymore because people don't watch TV live. So they care about nine days and 30 days. What the fuck is that? It's crazy. You know, it's interesting that I'm good friends with Nate and watching his career, Nate Bargazzi. Who is that? It's crazy. You know, it's interesting though. Like, you know, I'm good friends with Nate. And watching his career, Nate Bargazzi, who's that? Hey, some guy, some comic.
Starting point is 00:50:30 So when Jimmy Fallon, like, blessed him the way he did, and then gave, produced his sitcom to NBC, I was like, this, I mean, how can you get more of a blessing? He was the golden, you know, Jimmy Fallon took over the tonight show, tonight show was cooking. I'm like, oh my God. How much more of an advantage can you get more of a blessing. He was the golden, Jimmy Fallon took over the tonight show, tonight show was cooking. I'm like, oh my God. How much more of an advantage can you get going in? And then that show didn't go.
Starting point is 00:50:51 I'm like, what the fuck, man? I was actually, so nothing's guaranteed. Nothing's guaranteed. But the one thing is guaranteed is you can write jokes. Yeah. Well, you can write a show. Right. And find a way in the room.
Starting point is 00:51:04 Yeah. I mean, you can find, there's lesser people can find a way and have found ways into those rooms to pitch an idea and silence. We're actually really lucky though, because when things don't work out, you can just go find a brick wall and make money. You can make money in the city. You could bring your, and then hopefully one of your friends like Chris, you get a show that goes and you hire one of your chubby Chris, you know, like you get a show that goes and you, you know, you hire, you know, one of your chubby friends to be on it,
Starting point is 00:51:28 like the best friend. I don't know, right? That is. Whatever Chris, are you, you want to? Hi. He wants a real Queen, guy. Good luck with that. Who's getting coffee for who?
Starting point is 00:51:38 Yeah. How many days have been? If that happens, I'm done. I'm fucking, you go to Mr. DeSdeff and I'm sorry. You call me that I'm a fucking, oh. If he becomes your, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. If it's his, if your show goes and he books apart and he's huge and he's fucking holding up an Emmy with the cast as a I will fucking loosen that goddamn AC and go out with it Saturday night second show. I will take me and fucking William out with that fucker. Caut fucking Greek is my favorite thing I ever heard of. Sorry, I get angry, I just pissed it out. I mean, but seriously, you could, if your show does go, you could put a bunch of guys
Starting point is 00:52:32 in these rooms and the guys, you know, on the show and give them a little bit, I mean, he is, you know, that's, that you could give scope, but it's TV. It's like having James guest started, right? Everyone was Raymond. So, you never know. Yeah. And the whole thing, if it does go another added bonus for me personally, that it would all be in New York.
Starting point is 00:52:49 It's all filmed here. So I don't have to move my family. Yeah, yeah, that's great. Well, good luck with that. And all your peers are rooting for you. Peas. Well, I is. All your peas.
Starting point is 00:52:59 Look, I think it's a weird thing. I think comics, we all are root. We root for each other. We all do you know, we all yeah I find that especially in the yellow Yeah, we give it for the same we we want you know, they mean everybody. I mean Pete Holmes is kicking it Yeah, I'm gonna show putting everybody to work. Look Jim Gaffigan is fucking putting everybody to work. Louis put everybody to work Yeah, I mean Amy did too. Amy puts everybody to work, Louie put everybody to work. I mean, Amy did too. Amy puts everybody to work, so it's good for everybody.
Starting point is 00:53:28 In New York, when one of us makes it, everybody, because the talent pool is small here, comic wise. Rachel put me to work twice, but the shows didn't go. Yeah, so it's actually- I've never been put to work by any of the shows you mentioned, so. Yeah, but you have your own show. And now you can take advantage of that. And now you can take advantage of that. And, but you have your own show. And now you can take advantage of that.
Starting point is 00:53:45 And now those hotouts are getting put to work. You've been a fucking vendetta. It's a person putting me to work under the table right now. Right. Yeah. Yeah, it's a fucking weird business, man. But you got to find some type of, like you said, your daughter. I find that the things I do have, I'm very grateful for.
Starting point is 00:54:06 Right. Yeah, I'm fucking grateful for my family, my house. I've built a great little life. I'm trying to find it in other people's daughters. I think I'm gonna let it have a son. Fucking now, I'm gonna throw it. I'm glad you're not voting. I'm gonna be a powerful.
Starting point is 00:54:24 Anyways, I'm gonna do a quick read on this and then I want to talk about the roast. I want to talk about the roast last night and see what your thoughts are on it. Yeah, we're going to tell you the time real quick. I want to get to the chat room real fast so before we do it to these reads. Before the reader. Yeah, before it. Yeah, is that cool? Yeah, before it. Yeah, it's a cool. Yeah, sure. God.
Starting point is 00:54:45 Um, Pantor's hockey says, Yannis is two turntables away from turning this place into a Bollywood dance party. What the fuck is? Do you ever think Deepo just makes these up? I really do. I think he types the chat room. Um, well, I don't think Deepo picks,
Starting point is 00:54:59 he's tries to pick funny ones, but his sense of humor is different than yours. I'm just expressing the chat room. You know, there, when I mean, I'm too, you look like a DJ who's on the, not on the network right now. What's the next one? Oh God. Bob.
Starting point is 00:55:16 That was weird. Someone says, Bob, he's wait, straight up. That's Bob, he's gonna lead with that one. That's Bob. Oh, you're DJ, you're in the D.J. thing is. Nobody laughed at that one. I'm laughing. Read the first one again. Read the first one.
Starting point is 00:55:29 Yannis is two turn tables away from turning the face into a ball with dance party. Ah, fucking ball he would. Dance party. Was it as good as your weight is all the way? Really was it. I wish someone had a straight Joe song. What else you got? Whitey McMayne says, SpaceX rockets straight up.
Starting point is 00:55:41 That's a reference to the one. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. Was it as good as your weight is all the way really wasn't I was someone out of straight Joe's song right up. What else you got? Whitey McMayan says space X rockets straight up That's a reference to the one that blew up last week. Yep. Do you know about that? Yeah, did you see like the drone thing what drone thing? There's a video of the rocket Did you shit? No? Oh what? Oh inside to, the light. I think he left cocaine for it. There's gums in the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:56:07 If you watch the rocket, they have the slow motion of it exploding. You see some type of something come from the right side, fly into the rocket, it explodes and then it flies away. Where did you see that? On the internet. You'll see it. They have the slow-mo of the rocket blowing up. I'll show it on the camera.
Starting point is 00:56:27 And a drone took it out, you think? We don't know. And Scobo just make it full screen and get it ready to go. When it's ready. You can probably have the skipper closer to you. Yeah, it was really. It's all there. Hang on.
Starting point is 00:56:39 Get your end of volume off there. All the way down. Yeah, it was weird. I mean, look, I don't know what the fuck it was, but it's this you can see definitely see something flying into the time when you got it. No, it's like a UFO. I don't know when the rocket blows up. I don't know what point he's actually showing the wrong rocket blowing up. The challenge. Go Bowen, it's not a good day for this. It's the dumbest guy ever.
Starting point is 00:57:07 I don't know what I see the first. I listen, cancel the video. Go look it up yourself. I'm not doing anything technical with this fucking more on behind the wheel. He's a garbage. He'll drive my show into the fucking ground. You fucking queens trash.
Starting point is 00:57:23 All right, check this out though. You like football, right? You're a big, you're a big sports fan. Both of you guys like football. No, no. Time is 5632. I'll present you. No, you don't have to. You guys, you're not too fucking fatties on the couch. You haven't done sports in years. It could have been QBs. These are the greatest guys I've ever seen in my life. I love them. I want you guys to come to every shop. Please come every time. Jesus. As far as I'm falling asleep, look at Bobby's backup dancers. The fat boys are back. I think I got that beans. Gently the floor is holding up right now.
Starting point is 00:58:14 Don't get greedy. Don't wash yourself out of it. You're doing good. You sang the song. We let you get away with that. I should squeeze before it. I didn't need to. Didn't need to. What's your favorite football team? Jaiids.
Starting point is 00:58:31 Really? Jaiids. I was a kid. I was a cowboy fan, but now I just like to watch them lose. So you guys, I need to do fantasy football? Yeah. I got Colin Kaepernick. I love his political values. Oh, Jesus. Really? Yeah, man. I always sit during the national anthem I want to talk to you about that. Do you really? I don't want to know of course not. Oh, okay, Jesus Christ. All right
Starting point is 00:58:53 It's right if he wants to sit it's right shut up. It's tired fucking stupid person you are No, it's not as right. Yes. I was go to another country. Oh, you don't like it that he's sitting no I will talk about it after I get my money from this company. After a corporate America. And that. I think it's a little football is shut up. Football is back and to celebrate,
Starting point is 00:59:15 Draft Kings is hosting another free. This is free fantasy contest. This weekend, $100,000 bucks crazy. $100,000 in total cash prizes. Total prizes not cash. Total prizes are for grabs. Look no deposit required. I mean, you don't have to put nothing down.
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Starting point is 00:59:52 For free. Jesus. To when you're a share of 100 grand this weekend at DraftKings.com. I mean, it really is pretty nuts. Because if you love playing fantasy football and you can do it for free, and then win all this money for nothing, that's crazy.
Starting point is 01:00:09 I don't understand why you wouldn't just do it. Even if you, apart of something, or doing it somewhere, go here and do it here for free, nothing, not one cent, for 100 grand this weekend, DraftKings.com. DraftKings is the destination for one week fantasy football. That means what? No season one commitment.
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Starting point is 01:00:53 one week fantasy rookie or Grizzly vet whether you're one week fantasy, you know, you're a new or you're fucking into this This is what I love about it because when you do the season and you're not you don't know what, or you're fucking into this. This is what I love about it, because when you do the season, and you're not, you don't know what the hell you're doing, it kinda sucks, you're not gonna make it. This way, you can jump in for a week, learn what's going on, and then the next week, do it again. The next week, do it again.
Starting point is 01:01:17 Was it 16 weeks? Yeah, it's great. 17. 17 weeks. Yeah. Okay, so here's the deal. That was a buy-week. Buy-week, yeah. There's a buy. Okay, so here's the deal. Those are by week. By week. Yeah, there's a by week. We know we love buys You guys know what I mean?
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Starting point is 01:02:01 Again, use promo code Kelly and play free. free, free, free. I can't say it enough for your share at the 100 grand this weekend. Only at DraftKings.com, DraftKings.com, eligibility restrictions may apply. See website for details. I want you to go to robbercatlive.com. My tour is up there. The true story tour. I start this weekend and it goes through December into January. We just added a couple more dates. Me and StarVos are gonna be going around.
Starting point is 01:02:31 The laugh button is actually sponsoring the tour, promoting it. We're going with them and there's a couple of people out. If you wanna be a sponsor of the tour, email me at dude at riotcast.com. If you have a company and you want to get behind it and put your name on the, we're going to be doing videos with the Meevo camera. We're going to be doing live Facebook feeds. We're doing a bunch of social media stuff where we're out there.
Starting point is 01:02:56 And it's going to be a fun tour. We're doing small rock venues. We're going city to city. And then we're going to do some clubs and a couple theaters. It's going to be a blast. And we're going to be doing a lot of horse shit playing around being goofballs then we're gonna do some clubs and a couple theaters it's gonna be a blast and we're gonna be doing a lot of horse shit playing around being goofballs were out there on social media so if you want to be a part of it as a company email me a dude at riotcast.com and if you come and get your tickets now robbercatalive.com they're on my dates and if you see it on the internet retweet it, tweet it, share it, like it, fucking lick it, do all that shit to it. Make sure you guys spread the word.
Starting point is 01:03:28 Also, if you want to be a premium member, the, I'm waiting for the video from Creeps with Kids, which I want you on the next one. Let me know. Creeps with Kids was a fucking hit out of the park. Premium members, you will be getting the, I gotta make sure all the comics are cool me putting their stand up up there But you will be getting the actual the panel at the end which was fucking hilarious
Starting point is 01:03:52 So I think we're gonna put the whole thing up there video and An audio so premium members you're getting it you creeps with kids and if you're not a premium member Sorry if you want to become one, how do you do that, Deepu? Uh, wait, I just blanked out. What was that? Oh, stop today, guys! You go by the app.
Starting point is 01:04:12 You're not skimming the chat room. Sorry, we're doing promos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was something about it. Fuck man. Alright, here we go. If you want to become a premium member, how do you do that, Scopo? You go by that, you know what, dude, app.
Starting point is 01:04:24 Oh god It's fucking even worse. I'd rather have you not know where we're at Yannis if you want to be a premium member, what do you do? Yes, go po I didn't know that was coming my way right there. Oh, you know the words from glad files fired you Get the rubber killies you know what dude app here listen this what you do You get the Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude, app. Listen, this is what you do. You get the app and the app is absolutely 100%
Starting point is 01:04:50 likedraftkings.com. Free, free. iOS, Android, just go down the app. What's the app's name? Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude. That's it. Just type that in in the search. Download it for free.
Starting point is 01:05:02 Inside there, you become a member. 199 a month, it's zipips out of your fucking account. You never know it hits you. And you get, you get, you run a roll there, yeah. You get, you get all the back, you get all the episodes, the backlog, the archives, all yours, every single show, almost what, 300 shows, you get for free. And anything premium we do like did the the the pod fest or this creeps with kids and I got these one-on-ones coming
Starting point is 01:05:30 out or all going to premium members so if you're not a premium member and you're a fan of the show you're a fucking idiot go right now download the app come and become a premium member of the you know a good podcast and what else? I'll be one to sit on sit on the show with these guys are email ykwdproducer ryecaz.com if you want to send something to the show like in the background right here. We had new things added. Sister Ping behind you. Take that out. The guy brought it last week. His name is John. Very nice guy. Wow.
Starting point is 01:06:01 And he gave me this nice journey mug and the father and son gave me this helmet right. A lot of good stuff. Cowboys. Send that to 117 McDougal Street, care of Robert Kelly, 1-0-0-1-2. And I want to bring this out. I'm going to leave this on the table right now. This is Lauren's kidney stones. Yeah, she passed another stone tonight. That's why she's not here. I've been there. That's fucking painful as shit.
Starting point is 01:06:31 Oh, yeah. She's Jesus. She just passed the kidney stones. So she's not here tonight. Neither of that is she fucking got shift face and took it out of the button. I ain't trying to get come out of her ass. Go to draft kingsKings.com. Can we put that away or no?
Starting point is 01:06:49 What's that? Rowe. Kidney stones for guys, I've heard it's like the most horrific pain. Can I see it? Yeah, shelter with me to spots. I was running around doing spots and every time I pissed, I had the piss through a little bit. What was the reason? Because he got to catch the kidney stone and then bring it to a younger generation.
Starting point is 01:07:03 This one looks like it has a face. What was the reason the doctor said you got it? That you guys talking to the fucking microphone. Sorry. Stop doing your own little fucking one-on-one you can't Sorry, all right. Go ahead. I know you got a big show. You're big time But I'm apparently I'm not on the show with your facial expressions when I said to my on the show and you're like So fuck off. Okay, Chris. No, I'm kidding. Go ahead. Am I on the show? You just kidding audition Anyways, I want to talk about this. I want to talk about the Rose last night Did you see the comedy center Rose? No, I heard about it. I didn't see it. Nobody's sorry. No, nope
Starting point is 01:07:39 I saw clips from it. I heard Ann and culture got smoked You could see that coming. She was out there. Yeah. I heard she wouldn't accept any of the jokes they wrote for her. What do you mean? They wrote her a bunch of jokes. And she wouldn't, she turned them all down and she said she wanted to do her own stuff.
Starting point is 01:07:57 Did she bomb? Yeah. Yeah. I saw it abombed with, with, with, with, uh, Nikki, I heard Nikki Glazer had a good, Nikki Glazer did well. Yeah, I saw Nikki said. She called Joel, she had a good Joe. Nikki Glazer did well. I saw Nikki. She called Joel Chatterall or Swift, which was funny. I killed him.
Starting point is 01:08:09 I think it was a great roast. I thought everybody was killing it. Nikki really fucking annihilated. I think Jewel fucking did great. I think everybody did great. I'm going to stop saying five. What was Ant? What was Ant?
Starting point is 01:08:22 Here's a problem. But this is, see, this is why I don't, this why it takes me three days to make an opinion on something, because I come out of the game hot, and then you learn all this other shit, and you're like, yeah, maybe she isn't idiot. I just felt, I felt the way they had it, you know, I don't know, I just wish they didn't have her on, because I don't care what you think.
Starting point is 01:08:42 I don't care what you, you know, look, nobody likes her. Nobody liked it, it was a parent that people didn't like her right beat Davidson said you know, you know when Pete gets mad at you Right when you say something he was like God that was funny and he gets really angry very and he was like it called Our account we call their account. That's how she made a living though being hate Yeah, I know but and then what's your name come Kim? I hate you. Everybody hated her, which I get. Why the fuck is she there? To make right, she's marauding a woman. Okay, that's fine, but why?
Starting point is 01:09:11 They miss the whole, hang on. They miss the whole fucking point of these things. They're supposed to be fun. You're supposed to have a good time. Well, you used to be friends yet. Yeah, but it's supposed to be, I know what it used to be, but even what they did, at least people liked each other, respected each other. Now you fucking, now it's supposed to be I know what it used to be but even what they did at least people liked each other on Respect to each other right now you fucking now. It's like we're talking about instead of how fun the roast was
Starting point is 01:09:31 We're talking about what a fucking twat and culture is and she's she's actually whatever her beliefs are Okay, I'm fine with that. She's not a bad human being. She's been at the seller a bunch of nights Oh, wait, wait, wait, she's very friendly at the seller, and she's engaging. Yes. But she's probably a horrible human being. OK. Why do you say that? Well, because she spews, she causes divisiveness
Starting point is 01:09:56 in this country. She spews a lot of fucking hatred. She courts the right wing racist party. And she's a, she's a, and she's doing it to make money. I mean, she said that what did she said? I want to know what she she trashed. She trashed the why what is she? I've got killed on the world trade.
Starting point is 01:10:13 It's like where do you begin? Yeah, like where do you start? I'm not defending what I'm not defending. I'm asking what she said. I'm asking what I'm asking for what she said. I have a controversial tweet lined up. That may we can read. Yeah, yeah, I'm going for what she said. That makes her terrible. I have a controversial tweet lined up. That may we can read. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to say that a lot of them.
Starting point is 01:10:29 She tweeted, how many effing Jews do these people think there need to be in the United States? She's not bad at a person. She's not right. I mean, it's how you read it, really. I mean, I thought it was hilarious. You got to interpret it. I'm sorry, I kind of got to go with that. I'll, I thought it was hilarious. You gotta interpret it.
Starting point is 01:10:45 I kind of got it that. I don't want to say anything for me in this business. Read that with a happier tone. It does sound like someone in the chat room would say that too. Read that with a happier tone. How many fucking Jews do these people think there are in the United States? Yeah, and now at the end of it put put in bed Listen here's it there She's she look I get it but who fucking why I feel like she was set up to be set up for us to ambush
Starting point is 01:11:16 She knew exactly what she was okay. She knew but but why would we why we for I don't maybe maybe I don't like watching people be in fucking attacked I don't like it. I don't like when a group of people whether you're right or fucking wrong Well, she's attacked me. She's a tax man. I find I don't like that either right But you you're saying that because she tax Mexican and she hates the Jews and she hates the black That it's okay to attack her. No, it's not okay to attack anybody. I don't she'd expect it It's not us. Yeah, but okay, but but it's my point attack her. No, it's not okay to attack anybody. I don't think she'd expect it. It's not a roast. Yeah, but okay, but that's my point is that it wasn't funny.
Starting point is 01:11:49 They really, is she the crowd? Everybody hated her, the crowd fucking hated her, and it was like a mob mentality. It was scary. It was awkward to watch. And I felt bad as a human being to watch another human being sit there and shake and be scared. Oh, she was a show of Oh, she was fucking sitting there.
Starting point is 01:12:06 You know, they were, they edited her not laughing. They put, do you think if, I know what you mean, they edited her to be like, if that happened to somebody, a left-wing Democrat that everybody fucking loved and they bombed. Do you think they put that up there? That they bombed? No. Hmm. Yeah, she's not even really right-wing. She's more just kind of like crazy. Okay, then why have that fucking person on the fuck? I agree with you. Why make me sit there and feel something for her?
Starting point is 01:12:43 Maybe because I knew everyone was going to gonna be talking about and then she was gonna Get rammed reading that yeah, I just did I didn't like I thought the Rose stand up on their own So you were upset about the fact that the Rose itself was ugly like it like I don't like when people get fucking ugly And I don't care if you're right. It's like they were trying to have a train right? I don't like when people fucking just all Look at man, I'm texting by if we for not having the water right or stuff like that You missed it Everybody knows I love struggle like a son. Yeah, I'm sure he thinks that when you scream all the time This is for love the fuck you you betray
Starting point is 01:13:25 You're not from fucking queens when you scream all the time. This is for love. What the fuck, you betray me? I'm never going to family. They'll fuck out of people of you. They're not from fucking Queens. Bobby, I have. Listen, I don't know. Maybe I just, look, I don't know. Look, I met her downstairs. She's always been pleasant.
Starting point is 01:13:39 She goes to the shows all the time. She sits at the comedy table. So you guys are closest, what you said? I don't know, not at all. She's actually closer with a lot of the comics that made me. I know. But though she is, she comes, you know, but she's been on Jimmy and OP show or whatever the fucking name they have now. I don't know if a name that is the afternoon morning. I'm so happy.
Starting point is 01:13:57 Small doses are very friendly yet. Still feel the lot of juice. Yeah, great. You probably great small talk with that guy. Hitler, you know. I look at, he could have took a joke. I, I, yeah, but it's like, it's true. Like if she's such a fucking piece of shit, and everybody hates her, because she's such an asshole, why the fuck did you just put her on an amazing roast?
Starting point is 01:14:21 Because people wanted to and so watch her get skewered. Yeah, because she hasn't. I mean, that's fucking evil to me.'s fucking evil to set somebody up his country's evil what but again let me finish my fucking thoughts before you fucking cut me off to set somebody up to set somebody up to fucking be annihilated is exactly what you fucking hate her for doing but here's the you're doing what fucking fucking, throwing a wimp fucking rocks at a woman because she fucking, and she invites it. I got that.
Starting point is 01:14:52 I just want to rock. What's it? Blood pressure medication. I don't think she was being set up in the suns that she invites the controversy because that's how she makes her money. She wanted to promote a book. Yes. She knew damn well, what she was getting into.
Starting point is 01:15:03 She knew she was going get fucking trashed on it But she's an opportunist. She's like she's been very cordial at the comedy cell. But if you've read any of her work I ran that I haven't read anything, but you know, I've you know, I've read Peru's shit like her She's been she's yeah, she's notoriously horrible Yeah, and that's the why that's my question is okay. That's all great But why put her on fucking why put her on a fun event To be on it. It's no it's supposed to be a rob fucking no you don't go on something because you're supposed to be on it a
Starting point is 01:15:40 Harbor human being doesn't go ahead want to be on the rob low and they go sure whatever Someone came up with the idea and a lot of people you know who wasn't on it none of us in this room were on it I didn't get to foot. There's a lot of comics that could roast really well that didn't get fucking invited I was asked I got the deal On the day You surprised that not a lot of people have integrity that's the world who live in it's no no I'm not but I'm saying you guys are saying that she wanted to be a, she didn't fucking, she was asked to be honest. She said yes. Okay, that's a whole different story than I wanted to be on it
Starting point is 01:16:11 because she didn't sit in home, I really want to do a roast because I want to promote my book. Listen, that was her only fucking way out. Who wrote for hang on? Only way out was to fucking say, I know you all hate me, go fuck yourself. I'm gonna piss you off even more. This is what I do, here's my book, fuck off.
Starting point is 01:16:30 That's the only way out. It's the only way out of it. Yeah. Mike Lawrence did a post show and he said, he wrote a bunch of jokes for her. They had a bunch of jokes. They had like a script for her, but he said she turned it down.
Starting point is 01:16:41 He read the jokes that he had written for her. They were good. I think it's a, it's a, it's a, her, them going to her saying, hey, you want to do this. We should be talking about Rob Lowe today. Yeah. Oh, it's his roast. It wasn't.
Starting point is 01:16:55 It was her roast. Yeah. Which I think is fucking. And they knew it. And they knew that was going to happen. Yeah. Because people want to, they want to watch it. They want to see it.
Starting point is 01:17:03 I was enjoying it. I was so enjoying it up until the time that they put her on stage. And then I felt pity for. I felt sad. I felt bad. And I'm not a fan of hers either way. I don't get fuck. I don't I don't I don't you know I'm not gonna sit here and say she's a piece of shit. I'll agree with you guys. I take you for your word. I don't think you guys are stupid people. But I just felt bad because I felt somebody was put out, imagine being put on TV and every funny person in the world, the funniest people, I mean, those are the funniest motherfuckers ever.
Starting point is 01:17:34 We're just fucking calling you a cunt. You're pussy, smells, and stinks, and you're, you're a fuck you, and you pussy, and you fuck off, and you're a shitty human being. And I don't give a fuck who you are that hurts. Yeah, that's gonna be great. Yeah, that hurts. That's her eulogy when she dies right there.
Starting point is 01:17:50 Yeah, but dad, I don't give a fuck how tough you think she is because she can take it. I don't care. She's a human being and you can tell that affected her. All the mean shit that was said. You said he went out and I'm being there. It's stretching in a little bit. I'm telling you dude, that shit hurt her. I gotta watch her to to see it and if I could I don't like watching people get hurt I mean maybe that's just me where I'm at in my life. I don't either but I like watching her get hurt
Starting point is 01:18:13 She's hurt other because she's hurt because she's hurt other people because she's such a Yeah, it's a feeling so it's like we you heard her ego. What did she she's crying all the way to the bank? Yeah, exactly I don't want to watch that. She's making a lot of money being devices. I think the fucking roast was awesome, and I was having such a fun time, and everybody was killing it, and then they put her up there,
Starting point is 01:18:33 and they let us watch somebody bomb. They let us watch her just fucking die. That was her choice, though, apparently. So she wasn't gonna end up- She wouldn't have done it anyway. Yeah, she turned down the jokes they wrote for her. She was like, you know, I'm gonna do my own. Nobody was gonna laugh the jokes they wrote for her anyway.
Starting point is 01:18:49 Nobody was gonna give it up for Aunt Colton. I just don't think you should, I don't think you should bully the bully. I don't think you should get a bigger guy to fucking choke to take the lunch money from the other bully. No, I don't think just the little roast shouldn't be that anyway. I mean, you know, sometimes it works, don't know.
Starting point is 01:19:04 I just don't think so. Sometimes we're talking about it. I don't know. I don't know. Sometimes it works, don't know. I just don't know. You know what I mean? I feel like she, I watch her on TV so many times where I've just been filled with anger. So like watching her just take it was like that was, I don't know, it felt better. Can I ask you a question? What did she say that made you feel with anger? I can't even, I don't even know where to begin because she just spews all this bullshit.
Starting point is 01:19:23 Just read the titles of her books. Yeah. I'm sure just the book title. They ain't one title. I'm asking you to look Google that shit. No, I'm not saying it's you saying it out loud. And Trump, we trust. So they hear. But okay, so because let me just say this.
Starting point is 01:19:35 Let me be devil's advocate for a second. So because somebody believes in Trump. They're a piece of shit. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. She said a lot of things. It's not what I'm saying. Well, you can Trump an interview of her. I know the interview right now. I'm just asking. I'm not saying that you're. their piece of shit no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Guys, please he's got something and let him have it. Don't throw him off godless interviews and shit How to talk like a talk to a liberal. Yeah, oh god treason liberal treachery. I can't read this too small
Starting point is 01:20:15 demonic Slanger liberal lies about life you forgot a black liberal lies about life. You forgot Black people are the problem. Was there a comma in there? I can't read that. I can never trust the book. There's a lot of books about Jesus. Yeah, she had one called Black people are the problem.
Starting point is 01:20:32 High crimes and miscalculation. I made him laugh so I'm going with that. She's the only one. It's a joke but you guys forgot to laugh. Democrat's hat. I literally thought it was serious though. That's the thing is like I wouldn't have even known that that was a joke.
Starting point is 01:20:44 That's the kind of shit she says. I don't have a Democrat's had any brains pretty funny Yeah, but this is all this none of these books cut these mean these aren't offensive to anybody well Yeah, he's reading these titles. Okay. Well, let's read some of the quotes. I would go to the interview Let's go for some of the quotes the quotes will be just the worst things ever correct yeah these are the things that made you fucking violently angry correct yeah i want to hear this although some of them are pretty funny uh... as a as a comic though can i say something to you brought up Hitler if he was on the roast
Starting point is 01:21:20 first of all i kill it won't be the he'd fucking do great. And second of all, because he'd have the best German writer. I said, Tyson Tossin! You know that if he had a good joke as a comic, maybe not as an actor or musician, you'd walk up and go, that was a good one.
Starting point is 01:21:35 That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. I was laughing. Sorry, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. Let's see, let's see. Dude, I'm Jewish, but that was a good one. Some good jujube.
Starting point is 01:21:47 I think it's being funny is better than being right, you know? Funny always wins, I just, you know, if some cause. It would be a much better country if women did not vote. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. That's a legitimate point. What's wrong with that? I mean, honestly, when did the trouble start in this country?
Starting point is 01:22:06 I don't know why I told you to bring a sandholder. I think the point is, but right there, I mean, it's more to the court. She's saying that to court, she wants to bring in controversy so she can sell the book. So she's saying she's perfectly saying things that are going to offend people so she can make money. So now she put herself in a position of Comedy Central where she knew that they were gonna come back
Starting point is 01:22:28 at her and she did it because she's promoting another book. I don't think you should allow that fucking that shit inside of the... I didn't think you should allow it. Well I don't think a roast shouldn't be that any. No I think you really should all be friends roasting your friends. But that stopped a long time again. If they're not going to do that, do what they've been doing. You take in out of that fucking roast last night,
Starting point is 01:22:50 that is probably one of the best roasts. They got me right. I thought, what's his name, the host? They've been. Spade killed it. He's so fucking witty. It's funny, yeah. I think Roast have changed over the years,
Starting point is 01:23:00 it's basically just a stand-up special. I know, but one of my pointers is that it was fine. It was at one of the, I thought it was a great roast. They didn't have to bring this. They didn't need to fucking bring this horse shit controversy and make liberals look like fucking whiny, evil, bullies. And, and, and now you're giving the right wing. Look what you, you guys are fuck. And now, but I think it brought in more people. People who normally wouldn't have watched the roast tuned in to watch the But is that were is that were at yes, yeah, yeah, that's about making what read the rest of the book read another one
Starting point is 01:23:32 I bet you Bobby changes opinion after all these quotes like you know what she's kind of a bitch I'm gonna get a book. God they've hit us and we've got to hit a hit back hard and I'm not just talking about the terrorists Okay, not a good one. In fact Sarah Palin has created more. Can I stop you for a second? Obama has do you understand the understand that you you four years in you know that's not a good one I'm reading all of them. Don't read all them read the good ones good ones. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re-know all of them. I'm re- first and a mean spirit of bigoted conservative second and don't forever forget that. Hey man. That should be a shirt. That's a good one.
Starting point is 01:24:28 This is your show that... That should have been a book title. Most of the trucks. Most of the truck rallies. Is that a book title? These are book titles. No, but that should have been... Okay, here's the deal. Now she is a Christian, right? She had the cross on last night.
Starting point is 01:24:44 Oh, geez, man. All right, and here's the thing All they kept talking about was her pussy, which is so not oh That's a good one Sorry, don't let her do it. She's a fucking bleeding heart liberal You would never think that from her name though from her name. I thought you're going to ask to change your seat with that guy behind you. So you clutch your purse a couple of times. Deep down she's happy he's sitting in the back.
Starting point is 01:25:16 I'm just clutching my cookies. So I like it. That's the way it should be. My name is Rose man with a bike. You got to mess it up. So funny. You guys know exactly. They don't even need to know what the real, I literally,
Starting point is 01:25:27 my whole family is so Republican. It's like my grandfather is. She turned lesbian in New York yet Rose, Mary. She's a little old, dude. She did a show with a Mexican name, the black rap behind her. Don't come home till you wash that Jew off, ya Rose, Mary. I know one of them touched ya. That's you have one of those junctuvoked
Starting point is 01:25:46 and guinea waps next to the whole show. And I he was next to him. LAUGHTER Rose Mary Biker. And one of those in new flop of whip and nut grinders in Central Park. He was running the whole show. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 01:26:04 What a flop of whip up. That's good. What else you got? Liberals are stalwart defenders of civil liberties provided we're only talking about criminals. Wow, you really don't know funny, do you? You really? Chris, can you help him?
Starting point is 01:26:20 If you want more of that, you can go down to the pear at 9.45. 9.30, I'm not on the big show. I have a 30 at the pear. Where's Lauren? Oh fucking kidney stones. I'll take a sick Lauren What else we got? Just reading shit. I mean you should even say that. I believe To fuck if we took away any women's rights of vote we never have to worry about another democrat president now listen and i think that's classic hey billy bob listen that i mean that's true though right
Starting point is 01:26:54 i mean that's a good point yet to the solid jet so i love solid put solid point that she is a good she is really out there why does she why does she know when why she gets women i I don't understand that. It's just controversial because she's a woman and it's she's being controversial. It's not I don't even I'm literally like it's like watching Trump or you're like do they believe this I don't even know if they believe it. So we know that she's just doing it and a lot of these people do this shit by the way. Yeah. We there's a more than just her who just say
Starting point is 01:27:23 fucked up shit to get the headlines to get the response to get the traffic yeah actually the reason the republican party's fallen apart like is is that side of the republican party is just so offensive so so so we know that that's my problem with last night is they they put her out there and they just let these jewels a sweet person. I don't wanna see jewel be a cunt. I'm sorry, I don't wanna, I'm just sorry. It's like when you watch these videos on YouTube's of these little kid on a trampoline and then they fucking do one bounce too high
Starting point is 01:27:57 and they fly over a fence and we're gonna fucking pit bull. I don't wanna see that. I know it might be funny to you jackass fucking I don't want to see it You know a chick a fat chick on a swing Miss the water and fucking land on her face and mud It does it's not funny to me. I don't I It's fun for you, buddy. Baby falling on a pit bull. I bet. Baby falling on a pit bull. I just, I don't, I don't know. For somebody who doesn't enjoy it,
Starting point is 01:28:28 it was just I did perfectly. I did. I did. Maybe because I have a kid now, and I have a little more empathy for the world, or the definitely want to see your kid fall on a pit bull. Do you know what I see? I don't, I think I care more.
Starting point is 01:28:41 I just, oh, maybe it's just me who I really am. I just don't like seeing people get hurt emotionally or physically. I don't. I'm not into it. Yeah, well then you should really fucking hate Ann Coulter because she made a living doing that. Yeah, but I don't. I mean, you defend the underdog. You you're a type of guy who defends you. That's right. I think maybe that's some of it too. You're right. You feeling she was the underdog there and you didn't like that. I just feel like we ganged up on somebody. I fucking hate that when people like a group of, you know, okay, all these left wing Democrats who we're supposed to be the good people, we're supposed to be the nice people, we're the ones who make change. And all of a sudden they're just attacking this,
Starting point is 01:29:17 okay, say she's a witch, say she's the bad person. You know, we're not supposed to do it. We're supposed to rise above, we're supposed to punch up. We're supposed to be better than that. We're supposed to show our kids how to be. How we don't become them. Right, well, you're just giving comedy sensual way too much credit.
Starting point is 01:29:34 You're not sure what it comes down to. Maybe I am, maybe I am, but I just didn't. I was daily shows tanking. We got nothing, right? We got silence. I was gone. Let's really hammer this fucking con and culture, right? It's gonna get us in it.
Starting point is 01:29:47 You're that a back room, yeah. That fucking South African kid not working. And what's right about him? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 01:29:56 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 01:30:04 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I love your accent To make Watch you the ratings that gonna go up Fuck it No Fucking Christ I'm not gonna talk I'm not gonna talk In a culture face don't fucking say what I'm about to say you hack You're gonna say that I was I said and can you an anchor the face? Hey, we don't like when people bully people you know
Starting point is 01:30:43 Fucking heck shut the fuck up Here's a deal is honestly got that we've all been I've been there were you being made fun of so bad by comics that it Starts to hurt. I don't give a shit. Yeah you're like, yeah, and you're kind of like smiling and you're taking it, but inside you're like, I want you guys to stop, but you can't say stop because you're supposed to be this fucking tough mother fucker that can take anything and you've given it. So you should be able to take it.
Starting point is 01:31:18 And then you know what I mean? But inside you're like, this really hurts. And you can see her have that moment last night of like, and nobody talked to her, nobody liked her, nobody, all these other fucks are sitting at high five and a good job and they were talking to each other. And she just sat there by herself. And it just seemed a little sad to me as a human
Starting point is 01:31:39 to do that to another human being, no matter how, whatever she says, she never murdered anybody, she never fucking kicked a baby in this fucking phase. She's not, she says stupid shit, and we all know it's dumb shit. We all know it's ridiculous, it's fucking money-grubbing, or shit.
Starting point is 01:31:57 Oh, we don't all know that, though, that's a problem. Yeah, but we do, because it's not. The right wing extremist. Okay, we'll agree with it. Well, you guys, you guys all just said it, but she just says it to get ratings and people but so if that's what I'm saying is it's all horse shit right well we all know it's horse shit she is she is a just the absolute opportunist and if she wasn't she
Starting point is 01:32:15 wouldn't have been on that roast in the first okay absolutely no no she shouldn't I agree with you it's not really the right forum it's a comedy roast it should be it should be funny it shouldn't be someone getting attacked but if you're going to attack anybody, she volunteered for that gig. But that's the thing. Is that we're supposed to be attacking? I mean, that's the side that says we don't attack. Isn't it? I mean, am I wrong? The Democrats are the ones that say we don't attack. We don't attack anybody. I think they're becoming less and less true. Well, bombs drop more bombs than George Bush did. I mean we attack we do a lot of it. You dropped a couple bombs here
Starting point is 01:32:51 There we go Tie that on nice and tight. Yeah, we can go bombs Golf fan on nice. What is a chat room saying? I know these fucking twisted. Yeah, uh, From a rewater. Oh, yeah, well I know these fucking twisted yeah From a rewater. Oh George isl says Bobby your defending and culture the way black dudes defend Michael Jackson Before you go give them money he's gonna go by cement black dudes don't really defend that bad yeah the back
Starting point is 01:33:25 My fucking cement line took a on the way to went down like cement. I can't that would be better. Fucking kidding from Queens. Let me get three bags of cement. I got to fix my father's fence. I'm taking back. I fucking want. Well, that thing.
Starting point is 01:33:41 I don't know. What else are they saying? Tyrone Frazier says put a liberal extremist in her place and she would have applauded and not derided. That's a good point, actually. What's that? What he just said, that if it had been a liberal extremist then Anne Coulter would have applauded and loved it.
Starting point is 01:33:59 So you got to take what you give. Well, I'm not saying that she, look, if it was a bunch of Republicans, fucking smashin' a a left wing liberal not case yeah i i don't think it but i i wouldn't agree to that i don't want to see that little whoever the fuck that is be set up to be i don't like bullying i don't like i don't like a group one a group of people
Starting point is 01:34:20 and like they they let her bomb they let us watch somebody you know, and now that's the headlines. It's like fucking poor Rob Lowe. This cocksack can't even get his roast. He's second fiddle on his roast. Don't rattle fast for Rob Lowe. Rob Lowe's doing a right.
Starting point is 01:34:34 He's had a great life. He's born with that face. He can't act for shit. That's one of the worst actors of all time. But that face. I'm actually one of my good friends. All right, well Rob is great. I'm holding kidding I don't know. So the pop is not my friend. I did me I did me pony boy not pony boy is it pony boy? No Johnny I met Johnny.
Starting point is 01:34:58 Johnny was a rough macho. Rough macho. Yeah. I felt kind of bad for him too, because Ralph, he had a good rant, but they gave, you know what I mean? It's like, calm, it was so good at it man. I mean, all the calmers were fucking Pete, Spade, Nikki, I mean, they fucking did just no fat. Was Jeff Ross on too? Yeah. Yeah. No fat, no fuck, I mean, even what's her name? and they just know fat was Jeff Ross on to Jeff Ross. No fat, no fuck.
Starting point is 01:35:26 I mean, even what's her name? Jewel was pretty good too. She's got some timing. Just no fat. How was Peyton Manning? Peyton was good too. And Rob was good too, but the comics man, they're just fucking the jokes were so.
Starting point is 01:35:39 Well, they're pros, yeah. Man, it was so fucking enjoyable. Nikki was fucking hilarious. I love Nikki. Really funny. Yeah, she's good. Yeah, and the jokes about Nikki were fucking grace. Fucking, I mean, Pat, I mean, the joke about
Starting point is 01:35:54 Peyton Manning's head. Ritons are jokes about his head. Well, they should have, they should have showed his head to Zika babies so they know it could be worse. That's good, yeah. You can't fucking beat that. That's like a very fucking joke, man. I think Ralph did good. I mean, he should have, someone should have,
Starting point is 01:36:12 they should have added it a little bit. He kind of went off in the same tangent over and over, and he kind of built this whole thing up to fuck you, Roblo. You, I hate you, and your career, and they let him do it like three times where they could have added it a little bit, you know what I mean? But I think the roast was awesome. I did, I enjoyed it.
Starting point is 01:36:30 It's just that when she went up, it was just like, oh my last, she was fucking last. You feel like Ralph Manchio. Yeah, you feel like almost Ralph Manchio is like Rob Lowe. Like Rob Lowe took his, all his roles. Because he's just not a, he's like a worse-looking version of Roblo he's like the guy like now we got Roblo for that and he's like up for it's like now we don't you forget about Roblo you could be a stunt double kind of thing yeah well look Ralph was
Starting point is 01:36:56 Johnny Johnny in the outside is oh no outside so you got I mean look Tony boy was the motherfucker Tony boy was the mother he was cute adorable holy shit and his career shit well yeah he went to shit yeah but then you got you know you got soda pop which is great you got daryl all those guys blew up blew up yeah tom cruise blew the fuck up really oh I said that's not blah blah he did well for a little while
Starting point is 01:37:22 come on dude he was mighty ducks was he a my did I he was a my did I she was in the the west movie what's that uh do you know guns young guns that's one and two dude he and the one brother doesn't have eight so you know you got to get it out for that yeah and he's directing he has a winery he's very successful did you know that he turned down platoon they wanted him and then his brother took it and thank God yeah because I don't think you would have done a he would have done a was fucking made Jimmy Carter Jimmy car was good. Jimmy car was fucking God. How could I get him one of my favorites? It's so mean and awesome. His joke
Starting point is 01:37:55 about an culture was great. It's not too late to change. You could go kill yourself. Yeah. I just think that I don't know. I thought the roast was great on its own. I just think that part of it kind of was like, what the fuck's going on? Why are we doing this? Why are we letting this horse shit into? You know what I mean? Why are we letting this shit into our comedy? I want to Jimmy cars. He's such a nice guy, Tuginico. Q the Queen's voice. Get it? Slee not the first choice. Ralph Macchio.
Starting point is 01:38:34 Obviously not the first choice of Rob's 80s co-stars to be here tonight. But Tom Cruise is too famous and Patrick Swazie isn't answering his phone. One Comedy Central was putting together the line up for tonight. Ralph Machio's name was at the very top of the list. And that list was marked, worst case scenario. Bring up some of the, uh, Ann Colter. How was Rob Riggles? He won the... Rob Riggles killed.
Starting point is 01:39:08 Yeah. Because he did it his way. Yeah. He did this thing where he'd tell the joke and then say the joke. Because she's a, she's a, her pussy's big. You know what I mean? He would read, he did this overacting very, and then actually somebody called him out for it, which is a great joke.
Starting point is 01:39:25 He was actually, everybody was great. Everybody did great except for Anne. Is this Anne? Yes, like one of them. It's why they saved her for last. One of her clips, though. Anne was fucking scary. I'm a big fan of Rob Lowe's work, especially of course the tapes, three some. To this day, that remains the most authentic performance I have ever seen in a Democratic national convention. Ooh. It's a national convention. It's a bad joke.
Starting point is 01:39:48 It is a bad joke. I'll be quick cut away, too. I think she can be honest with you. Can you get another one of her jokes? She has only one on there. On the whole internet? Of all the internet. Well, if you searched the world, I'm going to say the world wide web.
Starting point is 01:40:04 Nobody has a clip of Ann Coulter's performance. There's not one in the world, in the fucking world. You guys didn't really hope that. Roast and really hope that's not. I'll give you $10,000 million if there's no. You really gotta Google now. Oh God, what a fucking dumb dumb. We hate when people bully people. Yeah, hey
Starting point is 01:40:29 Maybe that's what hey I'm not a bully that's not bullying that's not no that's love. Yeah, that's love. That's a fiction Do you got it? Do you think this was set up like an inculter roast? Like if comedy citrus smart, they'd have an inculter roast like next year. That would be, look, if they did that, wish he came back and they had all her friends.
Starting point is 01:40:53 Hey, it was none of them. I wasn't there. Nobody on it. Who would be on a roast? Who would be on a roast? I'm gonna bill O'Reilly. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 01:41:02 Is this your smaller friend? Is there a, Kim, why don't you fat fucking tech guys take over her? No, they'd have to get up. Just type in her name and colder and then put videos What do you think I'm doing just hash? Oh, I don't get mad at her. She's trying to help you And culture roast you need a deep who you need I need five of you you invent a fucking a clone machine You just have a kid and 20 years you'll have another intern. Just if one of you guys my kid What do you guys stand up make sure you do it at the same time so the couch doesn't flip on stuff? Time it perfectly both the all your little fingers make me hungry time it perfectly. All your little fingers make me hungry.
Starting point is 01:41:44 Just deep fry them. You gotta have snacks next time these boys come. They have snacks in the pockets. I guarantee there's a fucking bar or a fucking some type of candy, some satchel of fucking doughnut. My blood sugar go too to down too far down back there's a bag of what you got what I bring it up black and white
Starting point is 01:42:09 you did throw it over here he was he was hoping you would now you dropped it no he was like he was like it's all my things I on bomb he was like should I give it to him or check it for myself well the guy who is a Sophie's choice there was a thumbprint in the chocolate
Starting point is 01:42:29 He potted he potted all right look at right here. It's much It's looking you make sure it's our poison. No, he's trying to jerk it off What did you do? That's clutch on it? Should I give it to him? What did you want? Look at it. That's clutch on it. Should I give it to him? Not people. Not people. Not people.
Starting point is 01:42:46 It's a Sophie's choice. You guys would make the best cop movie, dude. Just fucking crime goes on. Oh my god. Get out of the car. Everybody gets away. You only wear the cut you have you fall and break your leg. Welcome, Fatso.
Starting point is 01:43:05 Or if the criminals bigger than them. All right, hand me the bandana. Yeah, sure. I thought it was a good one when it was coming in the middle. I know you did. We saw your confidence. I guess you didn't. We, we the people.
Starting point is 01:43:17 I thought you stung. Yeah, well, you're getting nervous. What's wrong with you, anxiety boy? Nothing. You got to go. What's happening? No, I got to go in a little bit. You're off the phone. You're fucking clock, What's wrong with you anxiety boy? Nothing. You're gonna go? What's happening? No, I gotta go in a little bit. Oh.
Starting point is 01:43:26 You're off your phone, you fucking clock fuck off. All right. Why are you on your phone? Because he's got bigger and better things to do. I was riding something. No. Don't ride anything. Fuck your show. No.
Starting point is 01:43:39 No. Oh, there we go. There we go. But he plays the sound. Then we can listen to the fucking intro music for 10 minutes. You know, just cue it up. And now a real treat, cue it up. These scenes stiff and can...
Starting point is 01:43:54 Cue it up. I don't want to hear it until it's cue it up. Cue it up. So watch the baby had a learn. Hi, Gary! Oh boy! Oh boy! Let the peasants fight! Oh boy! Oh boy, let the peasants fight!
Starting point is 01:44:06 Oh yeah! That was a pretty funny life. Watchin' the babies. Like watchin' the baby. Scop, are you gonna let him talk to you like that? I at least can write a joke. Whoa! There you go. Why don't you fucking wrap that around your head?
Starting point is 01:44:23 About when? Hi, ready? Yeah, ready. You go why don't you fucking wrap that around your head? You're about to win. Hi, Ray. Ready? Yeah, Ray. Draw blow. I'm nervous. I just, I'm so overwhelmed with the love in this room tonight. I can't thank you enough.
Starting point is 01:44:37 It's really something. No, I'm actually, I'm not a comedian, which is why you can imagine. I often get mistaken for Nikki Glazer. That was a good idea. That was a good idea. She got last night. Because of all of the love and respect I have for Rob Lo and all these fabulous and talented performers, it has nothing to do with this being the next stop
Starting point is 01:44:59 on my press junket for the book I've just published four days ago in In Trump, we trust. E. Flora Best Awesome. That's the title. That's the title. For booze. Oh wait, I wasn't supposed to read that. That was good.
Starting point is 01:45:16 She got laughed. That was pretty funny. Yeah, she got laughed too. They were being fair with her. They were being fair with her. At fine bookstores everywhere. Where was she from? Where was she from? Where was she from? I know it's pretty shameless, but I'm in a stage with a guy who made two Joe Dirt films
Starting point is 01:45:30 so how shame was Kenna I. No timing. Awful. Awful. As a right-wing hate-monger, it's fantastic to be at a big Hollywood shindig with all these glittering celebrities that isn't a fundraiser for Obama. I'm hoping to persuade you. So I go, it's not right there. That added to the Kennedy's.
Starting point is 01:45:51 They literally want a fucking dick. I mean, they add it right to the Kennedy's table. I'm hoping to persuade you all to vote for Trump. But most of all, I want you, David, because it would prove the media is lying when they say that Trump won't get the vote of a single spade. Oh, God. That's a bad joke.
Starting point is 01:46:16 That's a bad joke. Stop one second. Now, when she said spade, what does that mean? We know what that means. It's definitely a slur. No, no, let that one, that was yes sir it's like black people right but it's like a it's like a 1940s you know that couple spades came in seeing the black guy thought a guy from Boston didn't know it's spade
Starting point is 01:46:38 because of the tea before you got here is that what it means I didn't know that yeah wait a minute you really your family what it means? I didn't know that. Yeah. Oh, wait a minute. You really, your family does not like you. They didn't teach you that? You're gonna get your satin spade, no spades allowed, Jacket. I had no idea about it. I thought it was in all fairness. In all fairness, it's more of an urban slur, right?
Starting point is 01:46:58 Nobody in the South is. I don't know. The South really sticks with the N word pretty hard. I don't think it's urban either. I never heard anybody say that in my life. No, it's an urban word, yeah. I think it's an Italian. It was fucking, you know, you got to do with the N word pretty hard. I don't think it's urban either. I've never heard anybody say that in my life. No, it's an urban word, yeah. That is an Italian. It was fucking, you know, you're gonna do it with the accent.
Starting point is 01:47:09 Oh, it was fucking spayed over there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's where it comes. It's like an urban- I heard Spain, I like through Dyson. Yeah, it's fucking. I think, look, that's where she loses them, I'm sure. You know what, I'm just having a question. Maybe this bitch does deserve it. Like that joke. that's where she loses them on the show that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that can like yeah but I know but they you go back through the jokes you don't think there's jokes about all the races and women and and I mean I mean even
Starting point is 01:47:48 Jewel said it I'm not I'm a feminist but some of the stuff is funny yeah but probably they were better jokes that was a bad joke okay but okay but how do you know okay but how do you know that joke's not gonna kill because it's sucked okay also she fucked it up well I't know, but I mean like she said I mean it's a don't look at me. I write good jokes as scopo I thought it was a solid joke Lewis wrote that joke I got to use this I got to write some new stuff now
Starting point is 01:48:24 Colters doing my act. I'm just asking, is there a double standard? No. You know, can the, can the, can't really, you don't think that, you don't think that Leeda Dunham was up there? She turned down quality writing and said, no, no, no, I got this.
Starting point is 01:48:38 Yeah, okay, I'll, she's an asshole. I will accept that, I think that her turning down with the writing, if that's true, true because you guys I'm here in this from a fucking black guy in a purple shirt Oh, what is that? I don't trust the space And heard the fence I'm sure she ran that joke to some comic backstage and he went yeah, you should open Yeah, I don't know. I mean, did she? Good one.
Starting point is 01:49:06 What's your name again? Lamar. Lamar. These guys are the greatest. What if you're like Gary? Hey, dude. I really do love these guys. They're the fucking greatest.
Starting point is 01:49:18 I know, I really do. I mean, it does not get better. How's working for Connid? Oh, boy. Just get rapid around his mouth. Oh, boy. It does get around his mouth. Oh, God. It does get worse. Oh, God.
Starting point is 01:49:27 Apparently it does get worse. Hey, where did you hear that? Here what? Here that she wouldn't accept the jokes. Uh, Mike Lauren said it. Oh, really? They did like a post show. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:49:38 Him and Earl Skakele. Oh, yeah. They talked about it. What did they say? They said, uh... She doesn't understand joy. Yeah. They said that. And then they, MMA, he said she was being like an asshole. And then there was a puppet. He did like a puppet during her just that he wrote for her. You can, it's on comedy, such a record.
Starting point is 01:49:55 Yeah, yeah. No, I read it too. Okay. So, maybe he takes you to believe a white man. I said it. Yeah, I didn't read it too often. Dude, he's whiter than you. Okay. He was like, uh, my, my, my Laurence. I did think on it. I, uh, totally read it. It was, uh, yesterday. Yeah. He's way whiter than you. You're like, yo, yo, yo, son. I got shot.
Starting point is 01:50:13 Oh, yeah, man. I'm saying with Chrissy D. Cause, oh, I was, I got shot from my fucking Jordan. I got shot from my fucking Jordan. I got, Jordan, yeah, man. I was DJing and yo, fuck you talking about. Some more the way up. Yeah, me I was DJing and you know, fuck you talking about some more the way up. Yeah, I mean You'll get out twice as a black guy and a Puerto Riga woman
Starting point is 01:50:41 Shed good that's a chance to tell you this. I can't take it. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe she deserved it. I guess with her now. I really don't. I told you you were going to change your opinion after you.
Starting point is 01:50:59 I just don't. I just don't. I was enjoying the roast and then it was about her for some reason. I didn't like it. I really, I'm a fan of what? Yeah, but that's a choice that Call me Center made. They knew that that was going to happen, isn't it? Yes, why they put her last?
Starting point is 01:51:13 I don't know. I just, why make her last? Put her up early. Get her out of there. I don't know. Because then keeps people, just people watching, the people that, yeah. Yeah. Jesus.
Starting point is 01:51:22 Why is it funny when you say it? I'm a pro-com fan. I'm a pro-com fan, yeah. I don't know. As a black man, is that joke offend you? Well, it depends on what you're referring to, actually. Because the beginning of the joke was, the algorithm for that was a little off.
Starting point is 01:51:40 If I was to code that, it would have been been totally different If I may say so myself What would you say? Nah, I wasn't offended. No, not at all. So that didn't offend you what she said. No. Do you think she's a piece of shit? Sometimes yeah, yeah, cuz so the shit she says is just she just says it for like everyone saying was shocked and So the shit she says is just she just says it for like everyone saying shock and Shocking all yeah, like she literally just put her book up. So she only did it for sales But you don't think that's funny that kind of respect that you put the book up It's funny that you just said look. I know you as well as hate me Here's my book that you guys hate but I'm stuck
Starting point is 01:52:19 You know that's funny. Yeah, but she didn't say that. That's like a boss move. Boss was at my party and my kid wanted this bracelet he had. It was like a survival bracelet. It's that rope that you can, if you're getting a jam, you can tie sticks together and hunt fish. I don't know what it is. My kid wanted it out of his car. And instead he gave him one of his CDs. LAUGHTER No. My...
Starting point is 01:52:46 Um... LAUGHTER Here's...He texted me later, he goes, hey, I didn't want to...I don't want to put you in the spot in front of everybody, but I usually charge ten bucks for that. LAUGHTER He's being dead serious. Well, he's being serious, but it's funny, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:53:01 You don't think she's being funny with that? It would have been funny if she stood on the stage put it a book down I've been like here's my book you all hate me fuck you like the way you just did it but that's not what she did you know she's not just promoting herself she's she's bringing right wing extremism to the main stream so you know she's just serious my god who are you like you's on red eyes that's why you fucking she'll got taken away it You're too fucking serious. That was me, Bobby. That was me. Yeah, that was really.
Starting point is 01:53:27 Talking to the microphone to a little bit. That's why you show got taken away. You had no good son of a bitch. I could say that because it was fucking. I didn't say it to Chrissy. I said it to a guy. I was 1996. Yeah. I can't give you a roll. I've got an over it. Good. We're in another. We're in the 2000s. Yeah, well, the 10s. Yeah, we'll pass the 2000s. It's true. Yeah, well, the 10s. Yeah, we'll pass the 10s, two decades ago. And Ari, mind me.
Starting point is 01:53:48 How are you doing, great. I... What was the chat room saying? Blake, give me one second. Oh, my God. Sorry. Can't go to be good brown, help these days. What the fuck in?
Starting point is 01:54:04 I said nothing. I got nothing right now. I need a minute. Go get it. Don't ask for it. Just do it. Someone says, is Crosody, this was harder than real life. Yes.
Starting point is 01:54:15 Yes. Yes. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded.
Starting point is 01:54:29 You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded.
Starting point is 01:54:37 You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're not retarded. You're have a face that would make Thubs cry.
Starting point is 01:54:47 Why is he dressing like Prince? You're very beautiful, actually. You're like a modern-day Eva Braun. He's not that great. Oh, I shouldn't say that, right? Well, you can say that, at the honest. He wasn't the best at it. I mean, now that people have better jokes about it.
Starting point is 01:55:01 All right. Here's Jule, by the way. All right, go ahead. Frost is going to party like it's 1999. And Colter is going to vote like it's 1899. Good one. Good one, Jule. Jule.
Starting point is 01:55:14 Look at that. Bay, Jule. She didn't even ever sense a humor about it. And you do look great, though. You're almost as thin as Donald Trump's chance of winning the elections. So that's. That's... That wasn't so funny though.
Starting point is 01:55:27 Yeah, she got cheers. Those are unfair cheers. Yeah, but you got the, you know, my right lady. Yeah, that should have bombed. That wasn't good, yeah. You know what I mean? That's what I'm talking about. That's good.
Starting point is 01:55:37 There was a little of that. I wish you guys watched it. You know, none of you guys watched it. The previous clips of it that they put on on Twitter looked so bad that I was like, there's no way this could be a good roast. Well, it was actually a really good roast. Yeah, except for the Ann Coulter stuff was uncomfortable. It was just weird to watch.
Starting point is 01:55:52 Anyway, it's fucker. I like how they set up a situation. I'm not watching that couple years ago. What's that? I like how they set up the situation very similarly. Like they have this non-comic come on. Right. And he bombed really hard.
Starting point is 01:56:04 And some people like seeing that too Oh, I think I think you get way more press from somebody bombing than you do Just a good roast Michael Richards That was the ultimate bomb We got a lot of press from Wow Yeah, I mean it's a perfect example. Wow, I love that video scope. Oh, yeah Well, I don't that video scope oh, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he was Bob I haven't seen it. No, I got a new you haven't seen that video You haven't seen that one stop. I haven't seen it. Oh, man, you from the south. Never sign-filled
Starting point is 01:56:31 They did play that at your Christmas party at home That was you know, this guy knows he's funny That's what he's talking about god damn hell's your uncle's ringtone Look in the balcony In the balcony you are one and you are one. Who's that? That's your aunt coming over for papar. Rose mayor, a biker.
Starting point is 01:56:54 Rose mayor. I bring it. I mean, I have to show it. Why can't well. The new YouTube box. Well, we've been swan. I mean, I don't know. Can we?
Starting point is 01:57:03 Utamade is new rules last week. And we violate most of them technically. I mean, I don't know can we? You two made his new rules last week where and we violate most of them technically So I don't think so. We're being comics. I mean, you can't be funny anymore. Yeah, you can't be funny on YouTube That's one of the rules. I mean what do they want? They're getting very PC why this fucking country. I mean sorry this fucking country. Oh you can't curse on YouTube kind of thing Not curse, but I'm pulling up a list right now I mean sorry this fudge in country. You can't curse on YouTube kind of thing. Not curse but I'm pulling up a list right now. Oh boy Marie, if you want to watch more. Marie said videos about to get taken down.
Starting point is 01:57:31 I mean really, it's not going to get taken down. You just don't get ads. They cut your ads in half. Oh my God. But I think it's a sleazy way just for them to make more money. I think the money still comes in. They just don't give it to you. And they're making you conform to their little, oh, you know what, good.
Starting point is 01:57:48 Because you know what we'll do? It will have some nerd like these two chub chubs. We'll come up with the next YouTube. We'll come up with fat tube. And then we'll all go to fat tube. That's a great name for them in the peanut gallery. By the way, the chub chubs. The chub chubs.
Starting point is 01:58:02 Please have the chub chubs back when I'm here. I love them. Chub tube is coming your way. Guys, chub chubs? The chub chubs? Please have the chub chubs back when I'm here. I love them. Chub tube is coming your way. Guys, chub chubs are in the house. The chub chubs. You're gonna have a burp when you go to home game. Guys, welcome to the Dave Robert Kelly and the chub chub. I think he brought those black and white cookies from San Antonio in his pocket. I think he forgot they were in his pocket.
Starting point is 01:58:25 No worries, is that he had one. Like the back of my tongue feels coated. Like I fucking drank, you know, you sip on raid. And that fucking cookie disappeared so fast. Dude, both of them, it was two. Like throwing his fucking treat to a dog. Hey, one of his thumb prints in there. Yeah, well, he didn't stop you from gobbling it down.
Starting point is 01:58:45 You just took notice. You're like, oh, well, I was kind of hungry. What's up? You want to watch it? No, I mean, we know it. I mean, you never seen it. Right? I mean, I don't.
Starting point is 01:58:54 Oh, OK, I see. But let's just watch her. I didn't see that. See if she smiles on the slide. That's what I'm talking about. Is it funny? Say it. No.
Starting point is 01:59:03 Say it. Not really. Say what we're thinking. Just say what we're thinking. It's a nervous breakdown on campus. I can just read the headline. Michael Richard Spears, Rachel. Listen, he just lost his mind. He blamed it on trying to be funny.
Starting point is 01:59:15 He's not funny. He fucked up as a human being. David Chappelle's joke about that. I love that. I love that. David, I just thought I don't know why I did that. You know what I have seen this. Do I stop everybody right now and can we all acknowledge that Chris got a text from
Starting point is 01:59:32 an agent or a manager going you need to stop talking. Can we can we fucking acknowledge fucking fuck faces silence. Look kid we're going for the Midwest here. We got a sitcom deal Stay the far as the way you came from the chub chubs and Robert Kelly Who texted you and told you to shut your pie hole my man's just like you know be careful Rick Dorfman Rick Dorfman called the easy listen right? I saw it. No, you know, you managed to. What's your manager? Rick Dorfman.
Starting point is 02:00:06 Rick Dorfman called, is he listening? No, no, no, no. Oh boy. No, no, no. Give it to him, Robert. No. Listen, I got you under my wing, all right? I know.
Starting point is 02:00:14 I'm not going to let you through your deal, look. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You have to look. I know, right?
Starting point is 02:00:23 I have. Good luck holding my wing up Listen buddy Did someone get you tied did you blood sugar? No, I got I want to eat I got a host the 1130 so I want to go eat I'm wrapped this up wrapped this up. Let's wrap it up. Let's start where you so you can go all right. I'm kidding Yeah, that's what are you got? I'm gonna be at governors in Long Island. Oh, I love those guys. Yeah great from September I never work governors. I just worked the other two. I told me they gave me your weekend
Starting point is 02:00:54 So I don't know I've never been a governor David the guy is a different people. No, they are two of them left Yeah, James is now working at governors and they have somebody else working brokerage well i work with the one about my bias same people this on some i i i only work with my brothers and brokerage they never have me a governor's we should have a record he's should have that freaks me out on
Starting point is 02:01:17 was there another guy that probably doesn't like me over there now i think that uh... that the uh... that was a daughter of somebody they left governors and j James went over to governors and then there's new people now at brokerage. Who was that brokerage? I don't know. James isn't there? He James is that governor's.
Starting point is 02:01:32 The, the, the, the, my, my pal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now we're going to deal with somebody else. All right, whatever. Go ahead. So it'll be a governor's from September. I'm like right in the middle of my plug guys, really? Well, we made you plug funny. That was true
Starting point is 02:01:47 That's what I do all right governors September 30 to October second and then on the next week and I'll be at levity live and then After that San Diego and Salt Lake City just go to my website for tickets. Thank you very much the best Thanks for coming on. What do you have buddy? I'll be at the comedy cell and probably go do comedy magic club in a couple of months Yeah, yeah, thanks. Thank you. Come on. magic club in a couple of months. Yeah, yeah. Buddy, thanks for coming on. You have a good time. Yeah, man, thanks for having me. You got it, man.
Starting point is 02:02:09 And what do you got? I got September 28th to October 1st. Try to fucking space ship to fame. Yeah, I got a sitcom deal. He's in his own TV show and he's hosting the 1130 shit. Yeah, exactly. He stepped on stage somewhere, hit the stand around fucking four years ago, and heard two one
Starting point is 02:02:29 We have liftoff Oh, yeah, you fucking star I'll be at a cap city comedy club in Austin, Texas Where are you not? Take us or not do one well. So I'll be at Mordys in India Yeah, I'm You know the show Stand up I love it.
Starting point is 02:03:07 I just want to say I'd love to work all those clubs. I think they're great. So yeah, I'm not. Oh, Christy Comedy dot com. Of course, man. Check it out. Oh, yeah. Thank you.
Starting point is 02:03:17 I'll take that. Yeah. I just don't like the deep who handed it to me. I take you. See, I'm fair, deep. I know. I love it. Or whatever your name is. I'm an artist, but you got. Thanks for coming on by the way.
Starting point is 02:03:27 Thanks for having me. It was fun. It was really fun. I'm glad. Well, I'm glad. I'm glad the people that we had on, because I wanted to talk about that roast thing. I'm glad that you guys, you know, I like it,
Starting point is 02:03:38 because I don't, I'm on both sides. Demica, I think everybody has a little point. I, you know, and I mean, but this this roasting kind of bothered me last night. And I'm glad you guys are you know shed some shed some light on the actual pointed out that. She's a person. No, I mean, it's look, I don't fucking hate somebody because you hate them because I just don't hate people like that. I don't know. And because somebody says something, I you know, look at this, a lot of people can meet in this business
Starting point is 02:04:06 that have done some horrible shit. But let me tell you something, you're integrity enough to say fuck you to them. You know they've done shitty shit, but they're gonna give you a job or give you a show and pay you money or you're gonna go, you know what, I'm not gonna work with a person like you.
Starting point is 02:04:21 No, you're gonna fucking go, hey, he's not that bad. You know what's good for you is good. At the time, you know what I mean? So if you saw Ann downstairs, you're gonna go up a little, you're a cunt, I don't wanna talk to you. No, you'd sit down next to her.
Starting point is 02:04:32 No, it's gonna sneak a picture next there then post it online and say, look, I'm sitting next to a cunt. He's like, that is my love comment. You can talk, if I just keep talking, one of you fucks will say something really funny. He's like, hopefully you're off of just me yapping. If I just keep talking one of you fucks we'll say something really funny Hopefully you're off it's just me yapping But you know it was good to have you guys on I'm glad you guys had your pin. He did shit a little light on it Where you gonna be I'm at New York comedy club stand up New York in the city and then I announced all of it on Twitter
Starting point is 02:04:58 So at Rosebud Baker. Okay cool come back on yeah, definitely Okay, cool come back on yeah, definitely Scopo you got me at Chris scope. Oh Twitter Instagram. I do your deep I'm gonna go deep before steeper on Twitter and Instagram are too deep And if you're watching live tomorrow. I'm doing a live stream where we're talking to the developers of a Doing like this gaming theme thing We're talking to developers of a new game coming out by the studio abitron So we're kind of experimenting with that, and maybe you can want to check that out. Do you know my friend Oscar here is a big gamer? You mentioned that. We'll talk after the show.
Starting point is 02:05:31 He really should, because he has, I mean, you guys would really do good. You should think about doing a show here. Well, cross promotion. Yeah, maybe a little bit. Are you already got a video game show with whoever's, or those guys aren't? Just shut your face. I mean, can we, I mean, you should be upset by it. Whoever are those guys are just shut your face. Can we say that? You should be upset by it.
Starting point is 02:05:47 You upset that you didn't fucking move to New York. Now you're here. I want to go sleep on those guys. It looks so fucking comfortable. This is set like next to each other and lay down. What else you got, Deepo? Also, me and Scopo are trying or doing a little after show, after the show tonight.
Starting point is 02:06:04 Yeah, we're going to start doing after shows, right? Yeah, I mean, we'll try and we'll see how it goes. Oh, can we sell one big pie? Just say you. We're gonna do it. Yeah, we're gonna do it. You're doing it. We're doing it forever, every time.
Starting point is 02:06:14 No, not really, you can carry away. Yeah, they're gonna be doing an after show, after show. What's gonna stay on? I think it's gonna stay on good. Because Lauren's supposed to be here, but you're not. That's great, man. Yeah, that's awesome.
Starting point is 02:06:24 You're staying on. What do you got Oscar? Currently study I fucking diabetes I've followed him on Instagram. Oh, he's been eating his way even in the river four days He's fucking had nine pork sandwiches And I've lost weight I'm walking That was a good one. That was pretty good. Yeah, it was OG reporter on Twitter and Instagram. Yep. My website is original gamer.com. It's on hiatus while I'm going to grad school
Starting point is 02:06:55 Right, okay, good man, and you're gonna be a journalist, right? Yeah, technically I am one right now But this is to actually be here in New York so I could find a job in journalism. As a journalist, yeah. Okay. All right, technically. Taggle. I interviewed you like six years ago. I know you did. That fucking skyrocketed you to fame.
Starting point is 02:07:12 Yeah. Shit, a fucking got my, my GD, a fucking vio's queen. My GD, that's great. I mean, oh shit. Oh, you should've got my GD. How about that role, my GD? My GD. My GD, you got a role in the show.. Mikey D. Mikey D, you got a wrong joke.
Starting point is 02:07:25 I'm available. You're not fuck you for having the last name you have. Because you know what, you're not only did you fuck everybody up with your name, we always got to go Chris just to find out. The Stefano. Mike, the Steph. I did it once too.
Starting point is 02:07:40 I brought you up by accident on some of my, I'm his good friend and I think that one. Mike the Stefano. Yeah, Chris the names to do close this life and I'll find Mike. He's the final and I felt the stuff in it. It's fuck you. Yeah, okay, not only your name kills me because I love you but we spell it different. Yeah, but he's he's I now you're fucking his legacy up. I know, but it's different names No, he's not fucking I know he's not I know but it's different names. No, he's not.
Starting point is 02:08:02 He's not fucking a bit like this. I know he's not. He's not. He's not a bit like an element. I'm not fucking an element. I'm just sucking joking around. Okay. Trying to get out of fucking calling Mikey D.
Starting point is 02:08:12 He's the tough to tell, Bobby. You know, sometimes, you know. Hey, you say things the same. It's hard to tell. You jump, you jump. You jump. What do you got fucking cool, eh? Cool.
Starting point is 02:08:22 I'll be done with Donald's hammer and some burgers fucking beat their shit out of them. What do you? What do you have? What do you have? Steward in the kitchen. What do you got except Ashley elbow? What do you have cooking? What do you listen to?
Starting point is 02:08:40 Why you listen to Mike like it's a fucking I'm great. He's trying to eat it. I'm great go. Okay, go go you got it September if you're listening to this live September 10th, I'm gonna be out of one Baltimore September 15th the crown of Baltimore September 16th made him out of the sky Midtown scholar hairspritzel being in October 9th. We're having the first ever in October 9th we're having the first ever from Tom Cruise in my order before.
Starting point is 02:09:04 What the fuck is this? What do you want to hear with the hand gestures? I'm re-named up in the Revinggate. Because it's not there. Are you blind? No, no, no. Contact me. Show it.
Starting point is 02:09:18 What do you think, Bobby? You struck balls with these two f**ks. Why? Did you say it, baby? Doodie grinds them because he's nervous. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton.
Starting point is 02:09:28 He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton.
Starting point is 02:09:36 He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton.
Starting point is 02:09:44 He's got badminton. He's got badminton. He's got badminton. to give the big ones a chance, we're not the joke. He didn't fight. Yeah, you got it. We're not rookies. I just did the joke twice. The last thing. First ever 44, 49, 49. Can you stop?
Starting point is 02:09:57 Can you get it off the marquee? Yeah, okay. You put it on a shitty handwritten sign on the back. Outside of the club. The first ever 44 small-time comedy high school experience. I'm gonna put it on a shitty handwritten sign on the back outside of the club First ever for a small time comedy high By Lewis J Gomez Yeah, put it on a fucking little piece of paper on front of the club. He said Lewis J Gomez like we were gonna whoa Seriously, I mean like I was saying like oh, he should do it. Yeah, he's our dude
Starting point is 02:10:22 Chris, Chris just rolled his eyes. I don't know. You should put Bobby on your show as like the fat uncle that's always eaten a sandwich. Yeah. And you have your advice. I love this. Maybe I'll have a big crime here. It's fucking right.
Starting point is 02:10:32 He could Bobby would fit. What? Definitely. Well, I think you got the right. I was one of my dad's friends. Yeah, you're fucking caught. Listen, you get this fucking guy over here. I'm gonna fucking punch him in the head. Chris, you could even fit as my dad.
Starting point is 02:10:42 The A. I can roll. Oh, hey, that's a main roll. Day. I love rolls. Oh, yeah, that's a main. Oh, yeah, I love rolls. Yeah. Big fan of rolls. Those two guys just got wet too. I wonder what I got Chris this weekend, you're going to be at the treehouse in West
Starting point is 02:10:58 fourth and etiquette on Friday on Friday and 10th Saturday. Laffer up the Kipsy New York grade club. Listen, pick Friday night. I want you guys to, where is it again? We're here. Treehouse, Westport. Make sure you come to the fucking show. You live in Connecticut, get the fuck out there.
Starting point is 02:11:15 Pekipsey, same thing, spread the word, bring your friends. Let's pack these shows out. Friday and Saturday, I'm bringing a little Stavvy Roast with me. So spread the word for me. And if you want to see all my tour dates, and saturday and bring a little stovie roast with me. So spread the word for me. And if you want to see all my tour dates, go to robberkillive.com Boston.
Starting point is 02:11:29 I'm coming back this month, right? Where else? You're gonna be the 16th and 17th at the Vermont Comedy Club? I can't wait. I haven't been in Vermont since I bombed there almost 20 years, 25 years ago. Wow. I went up there, the guy calls me on a Friday
Starting point is 02:11:42 to do a Friday Saturday gig. I have 10 minutes, 15 minutes. I had 10 minutes of it, was with fake plastic teeth. I swear to God, I go up and go, you put these teeth in and go, I'm a goofy vampire, bull. Walking to a hardware store, do you a file? Oh, good.
Starting point is 02:12:01 I was fucking atrocious. I show up to the gig. I forgot my teeth. Yeah! I tried to make teeth out of a paper plate. And they kept getting wet and folded and they just had wet paper in my mouth. And I was the headliner. The guy who booked the gig back at Boss was a piece of shit.
Starting point is 02:12:22 He set me up to do 45 minutes. I was up there. I had to do 45 minutes. I was up there. I had to do 45 minutes. I had 15 minutes of material, 10 of it teeth. I had no teeth. I had no teeth. What'd you do? I sang country songs.
Starting point is 02:12:34 I was like, you know, country music is weird. All you can just make up country. My dog, my wife, J.S.G.D. It all me, my Baron Erwin, nothing. G.D. all me, my bare and air in there. Nothing. Dude, I felt sweat coming out of pores. I felt the energy. I heard...
Starting point is 02:12:53 That's a rough one. It was terrible. I yelled up by the hotel. They call my room after the show. They were flipping out at me. I was supposed to... I got 15 minutes of time, 10 of it its teeth, and I don't have my teeth. So, man.
Starting point is 02:13:09 But I'll be back in Vermont. When is that? 16th and 17th. So come up there and then where? Laf Boston, 22nd, 23rd, 24th. Become a premium member of the show. You guys are fans of the show. The ones who have already done it.
Starting point is 02:13:20 I thank you so much. Please be patient. We're going to be adding these one-on-ones. The creeps of kids show. You guys are going to get a lot of extra stuff. And you also get all the back shows. You don't want to go back and listen to these episodes. Ten of them are free. If you can't afford it, you don't have to fucking pay a god damn thing. You can always have the latest ten-four absolutely nothing. But if you want to become a premier member, IOS, Android, go down, download the app, and join up.
Starting point is 02:13:43 And that's it, right? Yep. All right you guys are the best fans of the world. Thank you so much for coming on. Thanks for listening. You know what did podcast You've been listening to YKWD podcast Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs Listen to me. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.
Starting point is 02:14:05 Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh You

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