Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Chizzler

Episode Date: June 6, 2016

This week on YKWD: We have Joe List, Luis J Gomez, Aaron Berg, and Tyler Morrison! Our mostly-bald crew contemplates chipping in for a toupee. Bob hashes out some financial beef with Joe (Tuesdays with Audits), and shows Luis how to be a chizzler. We also examine the baby-falling-into-a-gorilla-pit-incident. Watch / Listen and Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night. Con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Estás listo a Robert Kelly? ¿Qué es, ¿qué es, dude? En la network riotcast.com.

¡Verdad a la foda de la podcast de la planita! Es una cospada. ¡A podcast no es un río! ¿Qué es mi gas? to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a classify. This podcast has no rules. Look at the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret? Can I get a mic? Oh! What the fuck?

That was trying to keep it like a comic. Can I get a podcast? She's just sitting down and he happens. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play! Side to the coin I might affect somebody's love you never know

I love that we're doing another fat guy episode. That was very mean, Joe. You don't know the half of it. I got beefs, bro. All right, first of all, Lewis, don't fucking talk over the intro. Nobody can hear me talking over the intro. That's the problem as we hear you will go, what? You can hear me. I was wondering why Joe DeRosa is still over the intro nobody can hear me talking over that's a problem as we hear you What I was wondering why Joe Derosa is still in the intro? Yeah, your boy is in in the intro your boy is in in the intro dance soda's not in the intro Yeah, Amy Schumer's in there. I wonder why she's in there. It's humor in the intro. She's in there. No, she's not

Yes, you're a star fucking bitch. Yeah Beasts bro, you're a star fucking bitch. Oh, all right hang on there fucking Chainsaw you relax take it back at nudge or I made the intro When they were all on the show a lot and you weren't when Amy Schumer was on the show a lot She was on the show for time. No, she wasn't She was on maybe one more time. She was in Montreal. She was up here A fucking road show in a festival that doesn't count. It was a fuck dude. You crazy. It was peak early Gary Goman rich boss. Yeah, the

red fucking and and and and Colin Quinn Amy Schumer. Go to road. Starfucker Billy Burr. Starfucker. Yeah, it was stuff. Fuck, it's stuff. Fuck, it's not. Those are all the people they for if you let me explain. They gave me a list of people who are there who were at the fuck We just set the fuck up and you stop swinging puns bro. I know is it fucking puns Listen, you're right. I should change the intro to put Joe and Dan in it The show guys, thank you very much. It's my final the finale the Louis RIP Louis J. Don't

show guys thank you very much it's my final the finale the Louis RIP Louis Jay don't say that every now and then should the fuck up scope all I get why are you gonna get so violent out of the game I'm not getting violent cuz the shorts he's wearing did you see how tight these show it's like he's ready to cycle out of here to the to order from you really do we're four different sizes of sure so we're not defer defer from Bobby being a starfucker? I wish I was a starfucker. I really do.

I wish I had that gene. I just don't. I hang out with people like you. You can't defend the genes. How was that? Lewis laughed. I'm not doing the thing. I stopped falling for the thing.

I know the thing that you do. That's the thing. You asked the guy to repeat the joke knowing that I repeat of a joke, but I know the fucking trick, Doc. I a guy to repeat the joke knowing that I did a joke but I know the trick dot I did not hear it Joe so I can't find the guys today funny All right listen there's a lot of fucking beefs But before we get into you and you're stupid mance and lamps you a thousand yard stare that you keep fucking giving me Your gom of pile.

This is my rifle. Gomite pile. Uh, pile of gomites. I, uh, title. I'm not near the wall of the world right now. Oh, my God. Oh, we did it already. Writing it.

Thank you, Lauren. Oh, I gave her the look. I was the look. Oh, that's where you're at now. Look at the way Lauren holds her pants. She holds it in between her middle finger and her ring finger. Is that bad?

That's a sign of a divorced woman. I'd say that. That is a couple. Really? Yeah. Maybe I'll get divorced. Ooh, OK. Ooh.

All right, so right now, we want to just announce that the premium membership you can go to riotcast.com and join the premium button and become a premium member. You can also go to riotcast.com and join the, hit the premium button and become a premium member. You can also go to Android and iOS devices, our brand new apps are free. Ios. And you can, Ios, if you put a recon,

you can download those apps on your phone and the shows go right to you from the app. They're amazing, they're free, and you can join right from the app. Premium members, the show from last week Podcast live that the podfest is up there with the video, which was an awesome I mean, I literally just took a bashing the whole show from everybody. I thought you can we hurt your feelings a little bit No, I thought it was pretty funny. All right. You guys were all on fire at the same time though. It was kind of

You know, it's so-to-do that annoyed me and the cab is like though you you kill that fucking bomb Well, I'm like this. He's right. He fucking murdered Louis. So it killed the hardest of everybody We were all on he killed the hardest I just I wish so to would just embrace yeah, I'm fucking killing He's talented. I crush it. I'm in movies. I'm in TV. I'm loving it. I'm a sweet guy still But yeah, I fucking murdered you murdered. I murdered. I got a huge enormous head physically You killed also you were great. Thanks I thought Louis D great, but so do he's to know this is your last episode I thought you did great on that episode on a big deal guys to humble dance

So do you think no, I don't think it's not what No, that's what he does. Dance soda, it's just another level. See, he's likable on a, like it's like a fucking, you peel apart the layers and there's more likable in there. But what he does is he just wants to be even more, if he comes off like me, I'm a cocky motherfucker. Everyone hates me and I always talk about how much I kill. Keep going. Yeah, so cool.

We're going. So but Dan does the opposite of that. Dan is very humble, but almost like that's his angles like hey i don't kill guys and then everyone goes to only killed me talk about exactly he wanted i i believe this was that was this to know you killed i did okay no you killed too that's what he wanted but he fucking murdered he was murdering that should he do i i by bombed if anybody bombed i bought for sure yeah wait a minute guys. I

The best line though. Remember Was man goes mad at me. It was a really well. What was it? That was great. You said there was words. You can't say And I said in some words. I can't say either great sets go That should be the intro and if if you want, I will. If you want to hear that episode and hear that great line, you gotta go to the Premium Membership. So go there, it's $199 a month, it's nothing. You should have heard what Bobby said about Amy Schumer on that episode.

Oh yeah. You'll only hear it on the Premium episode. Yeah, Premium, she's a scratcher, you really do not have a wish. It's a weird smell you described. So let's introduce the guest here. All right, in my right, we have very funny comic from Canada, Tyler Morrison, everybody. You know how to use it. Weird smell you described. So let's introduce the guest here. All right, in my right, we have very funny comic

from Canada, Tyler Morrison, everybody. Hey. Thanks for having me on. Sean Donnelly Light. Great to be here in the city that actually has black people. Life comes from just north of Toronto. We have no one. That's great about that.

What? I'm going to mix it up a bit. We got the Morrison. It's good fight I'm gonna mix it up a bit. We got the Morrison's good fight name. Yeah, it's a fighter. Like the Tommy Moore's, the guy who died of AIDS. Yeah, he died? He didn't have AIDS, by the way.

No, he had AIDS, he was so calm. He was in denial, right? Just bad collidia. All right, who else? And we got the Puerto Rican Rouse snake. Lewis J. Gomez. Mmm. Oh, those are your bombs.

My, my, my, my, uh, grenade launcher. You have to cause them jokes. Well, all right. The truth, Joe list. Yep. I got beef, dude. I like your guns better Yeah, he's dating that his fucking World War 2 reenactment he did what's the burger nickname?

You got a nickname. Yeah, big two little Hulk Big two what I like big Jew big Jew little Hulk. That sounds fun. That's like a poem. Yeah Like me if I had willpower. Yeah, you were in shape for like I remember a headshot I like the idea that you think your willpower away from looking like that I'll take the bomb down Aaron how you doing? I'm great. Did you bring any stokes? I got a half a nub in my pocket and then I Yeah, I thought you were going to give me a stick today because I gave you a stick last time.

Wow. So I didn't bring one. I'll tell you why. Can I tell you why? I know you have some stores here. I have, I don't. I took them home. Yeah.

I wish I didn't, but I smoked them all this weekend. I have around 300 cigars at my house. That's good. All pre-mosed cigars, and I love them. Yeah. And I actually, the ones that the fans brought in recently, I smoked them all this week. I can't wait until they have to remove your lips for cancer.

You just have to do the show with just your feet. It's just the gums. Just the bottom. And tongue. I got a bottle of my father. Yeah. Just arrived today. Oh, you did?

Yeah. Well, kind. The Beeshu, the number one. What is it? The last year's number one my father my father yeah the Cubans are the band is lifted right yeah Margo yeah you can't get them and they're not even that it's not even that much of a difference between the cigars we have now and then with the actually some of them

a better because they said the soil because of the government yeah they fucked up and they didn't treat the crops right or the soil right so it's not as Some of the money even is good so you don't really say anything there so you said the soil the government It's out of the good to the harvest that's how cigar crime of sewers right it up though It's either the soil the sun the government the growing conditions or that year the labor was horrific well you have to with with the like in Nicaragua Lady guy comes on says he hasn't seen black people and you're throwing around Nicaragua like that

Nicaragua what's a gore's we'll take it out and post Nicaragua's It's a Nicaragua I love that scull would just looked at larna getting in with the right that down look she's got it I didn't know that one, but I if you name this Nicaraguan I have a new level I used to play back baseball back in Nicaragua. Oh my God. Is that black people water? I can't be a part of this.

Nicaragua. Just let them do it. Just let them do it. I want to go up for that MTV show that Lewis went out for today. You went out for a show today. Yeah, yo is this racist. I wasn't.

It's a show yet. I don't think you talked about it. As soon as Lewis walked in, they go, yes. And then I, you really auditioned today called you? I was gonna show about racism, yeah. Did they call you? Yeah. Really? That's so funny.

How funny is it if you get on a show being a racist and that's how you become famous? Yeah. Joking about just being a joking racist. I should have brought the Negragua line. Yeah. We just thought of it. You got to call them back. Yeah. Yeah. They actually have an island off the coast of Maine called Negro Island. I know, Negro Island. You know, Negro Island? Yeah. Booth Bay Harbor. Yeah. Yeah blushing. No, I know a bit to South Korea We

That was funny. Yeah, thank you Fucking Roddy did you feel thank you? Yeah, I didn't bring this guys this morning because I woke up very early And went and bought a early and went and bought a tiny river. I bought two folding webbed vintage folding chairs off of Craigslist. So I ran out this morning early to go to this lady's house and buy these chairs. And I didn't have my wallet with me. So I went and bought these chairs. I had no money, no wallet, and I almost ran out of gas.

That's a great move. By the way, order coffee then pretend not to have your wallet. 99% of the time they just give you the coffee. That's a great move by the way. Pretend order coffee, then pretend not to have your wallet. 99% of the time they just give you the coffee. Here's another good move. At Starbucks, it might not work if you're a round-ish, but if you're a white person, you go up to the way that you get the coffee and stuff, you go, I got my coffee, they forgot my cookie,

and they just automatically go and get you a cookie. They never question you. You just go, yeah, I'm waiting on a cookie. Especially with this thing. They were questioning you. You do this. I do it by waiting on a cookie. Especially with this thing. They would question you. You do this. I do it by accident, not by accident, but I've done it twice. Yeah, they're not gonna question you.

I invented Facebook face, but they will question this fucking dark circle. It's the white thing. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, that's a good one. Where you go to like Shake Shack, and then you order a double double cheeseburger and then when they bring it to you I would order two cheeseburgers and then they usually just let you keep the double-changer cheeseburger And then they bring you two single cheeseburgers, so you walk out with three burgers. Yeah, it's fucking fat genius For Paddy. Yeah, that really just fucking stunned me

Well, you could just pay for your stuff. Yeah, yeah, that will still get the water cup at Chipotle and get a coat. I'm like, Amy Schumer pays him $25,000 a show. He's still stealing sodas from Chipotle. But there's something charming about it. So he has his change. Somebody got arrested for that recently. Oh really? Yeah.

He went to he said he was going to get a water and put a coke in there and they arrested him. You can't get arrested for that recently. Oh really? Yeah, what he went to he said He was gonna get a water and put a coke in there and they arrested him. You can't get arrested for that Well, you're stealing You can see the reason why would I why would I lie about this dumb and you miss read a story Somebody told you that happened. I guarantee somebody told you that and it was a lie And you you're reading it like you you read a newspaper What was it? It's such a bullshit arrest though Like can you not talk in the mic way you're looking to do a go-miss and push it away here But that guy that got arrested Tom he

Green you know he rented the Tom Green movie Freddie got fingered on VHS and never returned it And then they came and arrested him for like having all these over just having that movie. Yeah, worse movie of fucking I mean am I out of my mind? Hey, he's Canadian is that movie fucking terrible? Canadian just cannot be funny ever well. Let's talking carried away. There's got to be a Ryan Reynolds fucking hilarious Jim Kerry Jim Carries fill up. Yeah. Yeah. Who else me? That's it? Phil Hanley here. Hey Phil Hanley,aries. Bobby. Yeah. Look read it. Man charge for filling McDonald's water. Which soda is that?

I'm not a man is facing felony charges after a ludgy filling his free water cup with felony charges. No three soda Monday at McDonald's. Time out. How's that felony charge? Then he shot the place up. Police say 18 year old Cody Morris was refreshing up after a raping and two others Troll through the McDonald's drive through and ordered three large waters then What make it bigger? Yeah, make it bigger so we can all read it you fucking ass clown Bigger what do we do? We turned into a fucking radio though? We're reading stories returned with so does all right We just want to prove that scope. Oh can't read

He was good at the beginning then he just started mumbling McDonald drink Fucking newcomer at the A meetings Charges read through and then come back yeah, thanks a lot. Thank you Lewis no problem for producing the show When I should have listened to you around a year ago You remember when I said I'd come For producing the show. I should have listened to you around a year ago. You remember when I said I'd come and produce the show? I'll help you book it. You got three people who can't do the job that I would do by myself.

We were supposed to book it first of all. I forgot about that. First of all. Whatever to that. I love her. She's great. I love fucking Deepo. You know you're not fucking him. You wouldn't.

You fucked it up. Bobby Fox Deepo. And Deepo. And Bobby Fox Deepo. Bobby Fox Deepo. And it Fox and Bobby Fox and Bobby Fox and it dicks and it dicks and it smells like shit. And it smells like shit.

And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit.

And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit.

And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. And it smells like shit. off Joe what you be for me. Oh I got so many which one do you want? I want them like medium to high. I want the T-shirts. The T-shirt beef? Well I mean that's just an ongoing you owe me 350 bucks. No it's not. How does it keep it went from 200 it's 370 to 370. I think it's 270. You're lying. It's two it's two something. Go ahead. Two something. You get the check you other beef. You're getting this check this weekend by the way. 50 dollars spot. You're getting off you're getting everything this way you're done. The some other things you don't the some other things too. I never brought up Let's go. Let's go. I feel weird because I don't want to bring it up and you're like You're bully you're bully. I don't want to bring it up and then you're like do you know do that on the show? You're a bully you're a bully you are you're thank you what fucking?

You know it's bullying tell you gonna give someone money and then not give it in the money Well, that's just lying. That's not bully bully Yeah, he's just being a filthy liar. Yeah, or you leave every time I'm ready to write you the check Oh, it's fucking run out of here. If you cared maybe it would be ready pressed and ready envelope Now I have to care I have to fucking not not bully I have to have that what do you want from here? Here's the thing here's what I realized. I know why I'm not getting my money I'm your little East Coast friend. I'm your little East Coast New York What is that? You're not my show buddy friend. You're not a store because we're over there in Hollywood Out in Hollywood Bobby post a big picture with his big old dick second cigar

Over in Hollywood Prepping for Marin show I go what I'll show you the timeline everything. I got screenshots I go what the fuck you're in LA I'm in LA your motherfucker. This is crazy. We're gonna have the time of our lives. No response And I'm literally I'm sobbing people like I thought Bobby was in the I saw this thing. He's in LA I'm like I don't know I don't get it. I bet you have Schumor a burqol them up He would have definitely posted a picture with all of them the whole knuckleheads He's doing a pyramid with fucking Bradley Cooper and some other dudes.

And then I text and go, hey, what's the deal, you in LA or my gay? What's going on? This is crazy. And then he goes, yeah, tomorrow, let's have a smoke. I go, yeah, let's have a smoke tomorrow. He goes, I got Marren from 11 to 12, and I go, how about lunch? We'll do lunch, he goes, great, I got, can't wait. Never heard from him. Never heard anything.

No, you ate lunch. Ha ha ha ha ha. Never heard from him. First of all, that day. Okay, Bobby had lunch, mid lunch, and then after doing late lunch. Can I say something? Okay.

He wrote, you're an LA. You're an LA, I'm an LA, let's hang. And he sends me a photo. Yeah, with uh, John Stamos. Yeah, which I thought was fake. It's hilarious. I heard the whole story about that Stamos thing. So yeah, he's real.

He's with fucking John Stamos. Yeah, Stamos has hands him in real life as an elite. Unbelievable. I would suck Stamos's dick and shoot it in his face. So he's with Stamos. I think whatever. So now I'm flying in. It's a long fuck. No, you're already there. You already posted a picture don't fucking twist dog so might now Wednesday, okay?

This is Wednesday. I post are you an L.A. He posts see previous text bro I'm an Ari's taping right now. I post I'm at I'm at post Yeah, what are you posting there? I text thank you for the correction, but then he writes Notice the little subtle thing like he doesn't know like this. Hey are you in LA acted all suspicious I sent you a text with stamos. Where else would stamos be besides Greece? I thought it was a fake I thought it was San Francisco. That's where the show was. I thought I was hanging out with stamos Why the fuck do you want to hang out with Bobby Kelly? Thank you. Whoa Listen, I love them. Let me finish my my posts. Yeah

I love him. Listen, let me finish my posts. Yeah. Tax. Okay. I love that it made everybody. Yeah, it was just bugging me. It was a loving more post about Mac Marin. Your buddy.

I shut up. I'm at improv smoking cigar. We're at the improv or V cut. I was at V cut. Okay. Next door. I was there all day. I was at V cut next door all day, taping. I have smoking there tomorrow at around o'clock if you want to join

I'm doing married 11 up until 12 lunch plans sounds good. I will call you when I'm done now never called I'm gonna tell you why can I fucking can I fucking explain if it starts with I'm really sorry you can First of all you're bullying me into being not you're nice bullying. I'm sorry. I don't believe me Why do apologize? I're asking him to apologize? Shut up, why don't you mind your business? I'm sorry, I asked you to apologize. But I just didn't know that I was your East Coast friend and not your West Coast friend.

You're my friend friend all over. We're all wide. Can you also explain to him that when you go to L.A. priorities change a little bit, if you're there for business, you don't want to see the lackey that runs around your podcast. That's how it works. How do you know that? I've been LA once. Okay. We're from Boston, dog. We're supposed to stick together, bro. I go, I go, I kid. I was, guy, I was going to meet you at V-tuffs. I went 11. We started, I got there at 11. We didn't

start to like 11.30 quarter 12. And then right after it didn't, we didn't start to like 11.30 quarter 12 and then right after it didn't we didn't get done to 130 130 almost to a call. Oh, I was starving by then waiting for you I got a I got a massive Sine of headache I got a massive sineic it. Oh, sinus headache. I went hard to tight. I went to fuck home I went right back to the hotel and took a medication. My son is medication and went to bed. By the time I woke up, it was done.

I was done. So yeah, dude, I couldn't go smoke a cigar. Why didn't you text him though to tell him that you had a massive sign. And why did it take two days for you to respond to hey I'm in LA let's hang John Stamos because the Like what? The first text they sent I was like oh man. You're in LA. I'm in LA. Let's hang a couple days I was in LA. I was in Boston still hmm interesting Wasn't I

With the Instagram post said listen man, I fucking would love to hang with you. And I'm gonna give you this right now. Oh look at me, look at me, look at me. Joe, I'm sorry. Thank you Bobby. Sorry, thank you Bobby. You know what, it's not my last show because you show that much manhood and I feel good.

I really did, I really wanted to smoke a scar with you. I love hanging with you. I was at the V-Cut all day. And I- Two days in a row, four hours each day. I couldn't make the V-Cut. He's my uniform. I'm not kidding, I love it. I love it too, the Vica all day. And I- Two days in a row, four hours each day. I couldn't make the Vica. He's a maniform. I'm not kidding, I love it.

I love it too, the Vica's great. Derek, you know Derek? The young guy that works here? I love Derek. Nice guy. Love him. Joe is an aggressive smoker, by the way. Have you spoke with Joe before?

Have you ever seen him? No, I've never seen him before. I was just finding my text to you. So Joe is an aggressive smoker. He smokes very quickly. Look, because he already had his jaw removed from cancer. Yeah I thought that was a good one. I thought it was a good one Yeah, you would because you don't like me anymore. I love you man. All right, whatever. How was it?

I'm sorry. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. Marin was great. I got other beef too We go to Lawrence tits now. Yep. We know to the taste. Yeah, let's talk about it She told me she'd go on a date with me basically. not. Yeah, I saw. I saw it. I was fine. I said, I'll go out and I go, Lewis would be a good guy to rebound with that he's a good person. I said, yeah, okay. And I walked away. Can I say, yes. Can I say something, Lauren? What? I wouldn't I, if you went out with Lewis on a date, I would, I would not mind that. Okay. I'd be okay. We're gonna take me McDonald. So it is happening. He'll take you to the hospital.

No, he's gonna take you to Shake Shack. And he's gonna order a double cheeseburger. And then he's gonna get two extra ones. It's from my fucking girlfriend ordered a double. What about scubber, you single? I am single. Yeah. There you go.

No, that won't work. No, scuffle comes too quick. Yeah. But he looks like a young Christian Slater How could you fucking he does a little Slater? I could see Slater. Yeah, all right I think a Slatery good call like get him walk a little bit Slater. He like pulled his fucking nose out of his head Remember it out people like people like me when they fucking change their faces That's Michael Keaton you know, he does not look like Chris Slater at all. He does he does don't take his away from me

We all send us he has hair from Heather's, but that's it That's it great hair good ass You got your friend on the couch. What's your friend's name? You brought a gay guy. Jared are you gay? Hey, what happened? Did you get shot in the arm? Freddie Mercury's brother the gay one. Yeah, what is that? I think well I was moving some boxes and. What is that? I think I was moving some boxes and I got poked and I think I have my liver's failing. Oh, that's the way you from. Yeah, that's where I'm just touching a box with the wrong. John Chervilter and boy in the bubble. Yeah, it's coming to an end. Talking about great hair though. I

mean that's some, I mean if I had to pick here in the room I'd pick is oh wow Not a facial hair no as fucking hair hair dumb dumb. It's up swinging a little I don't know him but just you have a No, he's a don't facial hair stupid. I think scopos got the best hair. No way Bobby's a jealous you can turn scopos hair and it's good hair. Yeah, I know he's got good hair Hair and not me. I listen don't talk about this I This is thinning young man young if a candidate is trying to say something and he's got a small little meek voice

Okay, I believe it's part of the liberal conservative party of Canada Just saying scopo looks like he styles his hair with the pussy juice of a 16 year old girl. He's got it going on. He knows what he's doing. I talk over him from now on. I'm joking. Listen, you got to put that on your microphone.

There's no way, my friend. Listen to me. There's no way that he has better hair. He, Scopo has better hair. First of all, Scopo's up here is going. It's fake. Scopo's up here. What of all, scoops up here is going. It's fake. Oh, it's scoops. What is going? What is going?

Liz is going. Yeah. I've got a thing for it. My boy has always been this side. Liz has rust beneath here. That shit's never leaving. Come on. That's thin and how old are you?

Thinning. What are you talking about thinning? My head has always been this high. No, but on top it's getting really thin. What are you crazy? No. No, it's going to lose it. I got full up. He's not losing his. No, my losing his dad's gonna full head of hair look at that fucking hair

He's got great head up. It's in the integrity of the hairline. We got it. It's not a good hairline How old 28 see Bobby he could still lose it scope was gonna keep his listen I Red that his hair then here's here. I'd like Lawrence hair. Maybe I'll say this Maybe I'd rather have his style than this fucking pop a door You guys are talking style A product your scopo really does have like the what's the bad guy and grease? No, no, no No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no That's the future. It's not gonna be 50 now. Yeah, he's not there for the fun of the 50s. What are you, what are you, what are you, a punch?

50s. But it's so long in the back. What's that? When did you lose yours? I lost mine in my mid 30s, but I superseded it. I preempted, I had a preemptive strike. I had a hair. You're superseding heroin?

I had hair. I could have lasted another five years with my hair before you'd be like, oh shit, you need to do something with that. I did it when people were like, why did you shave your head? Just so because I knew it was gonna be a day, but it's better being but look We got three ball guys in the room. Yeah, isn't it just fucking better to just be like I can shave it I don't have to worry about it. I have to stop not in this business Pins and first of all, Yeah, absolutely. It's absolutely as fucking true. Yeah, I was up for a part for Dane Cook's best friend called Robert. And

I didn't get it. And he at one point, it was down. It was, we were doing a test in front of all the big wigs at Sony down to three people. We're all wearing big wigs, sorry Bobby, I've no hair. It was down to me and me and the two, he's bonneted out to me and two other guys. And at one point, I think Dan looked at the main Sony guy at Sony and he goes, is it because he's bald? Is it because he doesn't have hair? Because he was fighting for me. And the guy went, we do like hair here at Sony. Well, he was the main guy so he had a main

Empty water bottom try to make jokes. He's not a joke. It's a pun. It's not even the same fucking realm Is that even the same fucking realm man? This is the fun cast of the forties. That's a good fun. Ah well, you want to do fucking horse sounds too? A horse was coming in. And then the door open. Where is Soda? Probably Kelly's watching it.

You need a pun cast. Hey, so it does make it a Soda. You get busy coke. If you had hair, you could do different things. Yeah, but you also wouldn't get the parts of like the bad ass bald guy as well. Yeah, but that's the only part you're going down your head though. Well, if you want to get a part of a bad ass bald guy, it's just a savior head. Yeah, but that's not something to do has hair and then shave the bald. It always looks like it. But here's the deal. They can imagine you with shaving your

head. Okay, they can do that. They can put a wig on you. You know much of wig costs. Not that much. You're crazy. It's such a fucking. If you were that good, you would have gotten the part of Robert and they would put a fucking wig on you. That's it. It's not that bad. You ever see the cone heads? That shit's crazy. Yeah, because of the main characters.

You don't even fucking get it dumb fuck. It costs a lot of money. You're looking at something to throw at me. That's not how it works. I'm not sure. Ever hear of a... You can't never throw something from that side. Hey, Bobbie.

Let's break up. Bobbie, these words meet anything to you Sam Malone Yeah a lot of money wig, bro. Yeah went went bald on the show wig and they at you know what you might money cost for how much a wig costs I'm gonna buy air. Oh, how much money cost for a wig I'm gonna have a fucking right had a hair piece So it's about three hundred300 a month for a good hair Okay, you had a month of filming 300 bucks and that's way more than that. Yeah, you had a you had a hair club for men You did wait a minute. You did hair. You did Andre Aguicy Google the picture find my hair piece I want to talk can I ask you a question about this? What made you do that? What made you exactly acting?

I was like I think I'll get better roles if I had hair. So I grew my hair on the sides. I went, I got a hair piece. Boom, first thing I went in for, I booked, and it was something that I wouldn't have booked with the ball to have. So you're awake, that's the point. A wig, an expensive wig.

The point that I just made was that you can get a wig and get the part. Yeah, but if, what my point was if you had hair, you'll get more parts. You'll have more opportunities. Berger's hair photo. If you, can I just say something? Lewis, if you had hair you'll get more parts you'll have more opportunity Burger's hair photo if you can I just say some Lewis if you grew your hair out and just had shitty whatever shitty hair You had really curly if you just grew it out a little bit and just had hair You'd get more parts acting wise because they can do more with you. That's wiggity whack

You can you you'd have more a diversity you could play a bunch instead of the fucking angry uh Puerto Rican guy angry birds. Where is he? Did you find it? You want to hear? Now when you know when you want dates, what are you doing? When you want to find a we got it put it away. Do you want to go away when I look over and you fuck it out your heads down all the time?

Just I've been Aaron Bergham. I'm gonna go to the ad. I did. Let me ask you a question. Will you want dates with it? Did you get addicted to having hair? I couldn't do stand up with it. I'd cover it when I did stand up question. We we want dates with it. Did you get addicted to having hair? I Couldn't do stand up with it. I'd cover it when I did stand up because it felt so So you knew did you know that comics knew some new some didn't so it was like a secret

No, but the guys that knew would know they just look at my head and be all weird and be like So you showed up one day with no better hair. Yeah. And nobody said anything to you. A couple of people would stare at it. But I think it would. No one said, dude, you fucking lunatic. Dude, that's a hair priest. No, no one said that. No one said that.

Yeah. Was that Canada? Yeah. Oh, you fucking Canadians. Yeah. Too polite. You know, trash should get if you walked into the sky. Trashed.

With hair one dash. Trashed. Oh, god. That'd be the greatest thing ever to see him walking with hair. Hey, guys, what's up? You're playing off like nothing happened. Just putting a comb back in his pocket.

So 50s music, who put the buff and the bobs, the bobs, the bobs, the bobs. That's a good song. Did you, let me ask a question, did you go on dates with the hair? I had a... Dude, look at Aaron Bergz fucking mussely picture. Go back up though. I had a... Does that him?

Can we just we get him? I had a fiance at the time. You had a fiance. She was supportive of it because she had fake breasts. Oh, Bob. She would support Bob. That's fair. Yeah, way different.

Way different. Why? What's the difference? Well, dude, fake breasts. Yeah. People actually like them. Yeah, they're nice. They're inside.

You can't see. You don't care for a fake breast. You do your hair grows. His hair grows. It gets loose. I like you do your hair grows his hair grows it gets loose Yeah, I like your hair grows well my fake breasts are usually pretty loose too How long did you have the hair piece for maybe six months? So okay, well do you get to keep it when you're done? That you go in you get like a new one every month so they so you don't get to keep it when you're done

They take it back my axe fiance has it somewhere. Oh she has your head Oh, why did you not keep that why I moved in a her I want it for the studio. Can you get it? I don't want to talk to her. We please get it for the studio. Can I can you ask her if we can have it? I don't want to I'm getting married to another girl. She's gonna get upset than this hair Can I have scope? Oh try to get it? Yes, scope bones. You can reach out. All right, please. I'll give scope of the info. I would like to wear it. Do you think, does it smell?

Yeah, oh, and it's thick. Yeah, it's like three years old now. Did it stink when you had to get a change, don't? No, but here's the thing. If you wore it outside, like one in sunny afternoon, the color would start to change. That's how quick, because it was real hair. Transition lenses.

Yeah, it was horrible. So like that had to get blonde and then the sides are brown And then everyone's like no one's anything was this 40 year old look like a surfer. No one said anything when you came back Which is no hair again a couple but no? Did you get to pick the style yeah? Robinhood men and I was with a mole kept on moving I thought it was the best when I was getting it down I was like this the best thing I've done with my life

because they put it on. And I'd been bald for years and I was like, oh, fuck yeah. And I wanted it all long. And I was Canadian. And I was Canadian, so it wasn't as good as American yet. Because they always get shit later. Yeah. As you can see the weave, there's good news.

Oh, no, the weave, we tied it up with a screwdriver. Is that Irish? I don't know. If I fucking dance, how does it? He started out Irish in the end of the year. We tied it up with a screwdriver My fucking dance, so he started out Irish and then I Get Lewis's freckles. He has he is Has adorable freckles on his dumb face All co-pop face over here Lauren are we gonna go on a date? No, you're like a brother. I'm not kidding you.

No, I hate women to say that. I'm going to make it happen. I'm going to make it happen. I will make it happen. Lauren, you wouldn't let me take on a date and then come and review it on the show. Why? It's a great idea. What do we do?

You're going to get fingered. Go out to dinner, go bowling. Maybe like, you know, switch blades, slice some tires, kill some raccoons. Maybe send his kid while he goes out for a few hours. You know last thing I would want My those dirty fat fingers in my vagina. No fat fingers. I have nice fingers. Oh you get awful fingers Yeah, you're gonna have a legion of skanks tattooing So are you like dating you on the scene now? I got a few props. Oh You got scopo you got deep who you like dating? Are you on the scene now? I got a few props. Oh, wow. Oh, no.

You got Scopo, you got Deepo, you got Lewis. How do you, what kind of guys you dating now? No one currently, but. Oh, well. One of the most bad things. So nobody is better than me. You're saying? Oh, God.

Pretty much. No. Lauren, stop acting like you're perfect. Listen, you're going to take me out. 15 minutes later, you're going to be like, I know, I know, you're a podcast. And then you'd leave me forever. Perfect okay, you were too much makeup There should be a web series of comics fucking are you fascinated like Mark Norman? I'm going back to Norman again He fucks 50 girls a week. Don't you want to see mark fucking a girl?

Don't you picture it going Girl You picture it gonna You're such a queen. What do you mean a queen? I can see you bus friend fuck girls. I want to see Lewis the same thing. I see him pull a move Can you imagine I watch the Fuck talk in the moments before the fuck the moon. I would like to see you I saw Lewis fuck at Milano's bar on Houston Street. I don't have a bird in the bathroom And you could see him pumping away at the

Lewis, you know it Lewis fucks like an Egyptian chic. Just lies there. Mm. No, if I don't eat bad for two days straight, I fuck like a champ. If I want to see, if I eat bad, I'm just like, like my side, I feel like I got a shit the whole time. Bobby, did you do?

I'll be done, you be you, we're in bed. This is a Wednesday night, 10 p.m. babies. Yeah, night. Yeah, P.M. Babies. Yeah, no arms baby Yeah, no, I'm Don. Oh, I'm done. Oh, I'm taking my bit look who he's taking your bait stop being a hack. Let him do it Yeah, let me my bit. Yeah, sit and relax take the baby. Don't ask take this one off. All right. Good night, Bobby All right, good night. I love you babe I can I I love you babe The fucking the fucking dog's back and Bobby shut up Bobby. He's gonna wait the fucking kid. It's fine. It's fine I got it. I got a No, he said no, baby. He said

Bobby What are you thinking? What are you thinking? Laying I can see it with your eyes open thinking yeah You're dumb dumb. I can see that you're thinking about something. What are you thinking about? I'm thinking about that I'm gonna leave you and I'm gonna leave the kid and I'm gonna go bang trannies in Brazil That would be ideal That would be great Sikki a business you nonsense That would be great. I'm sick of your business, you're nonsense. The drumming, it's enough already with the drumming.

That was cool. Why are you turning Jewish? I don't know. That's what the drumming is. I can't do voices. I can't, I don't want to apologize to Don. I can't do voices or accents. Well, I look at man.

First of all, Don goes to bed before me all the time. Let's just sit. I stay up later. She just pretends to be asleep. She can't find a better man she goes to bed before me all the time let's just it all right well I'm trying to do a thing we I want to know what your move is like when you're trying to get a little more you're trying to get we want to get this mouth okay here's nobody fucking you're gonna wait you schedule sex right now right here's not

now not even we have yeah here's my move I schedule ready we're in bed together. Okay, at the same time. Good night, Bobby. All right, well, it's up. All right, I go, do you want to fuck around? She goes, okay. You said you want to fuck around? I go, you want to fuck around? She goes, okay, and I run and I take a shower. And I scrub everything.

I scrub it off. It's so not romantic. It's not. We're sexy. It's not. It's not. You don't want to fucking shower before sex. Hey show Bobby you do I know I like a lick at all. I wanted to smell it

It's weird and I'll get I'll clean you up like a cat. That's fucking gross That's such a fucking project rat. You really are just a hipster dirty Brooklyn yuck My first of all I never lived in Brooklyn I never lived in the projects and I'm not a hipster. Whatever you are. You're way off and all those. You're a rich, Pacific like worst,

you like smelly shit. You fuck, when it's dirty and smelly. No, like all day long, you're on the backyard and you're stinky and smelly and then you're about to go to bed. She was doing Canadian shit, chopping wood, and rabbits.

Yeah, I'd rather have a shower before. Take a shower, you got a bag of chick, right? It's respectful. Just going into it. What about you? No way. What are you just bang straight out? Yeah, we build an it.

We deal each other's clothes off. We fucking lick each other's sweat off each other's body. Are you talking about my wife or a chick I meet on the road? I'm imagining your wife. You're talking about like a chick I meet on the road? Are you talking about my wife? Your wife, whoever I am. My wife, yeah, that's what I take a shower. Some chick, you know, if I met Randley,

I fucking, you got it, either someone making out, you fucking take each other's clothes off. You're a little smelly. I like when it chicks a little bit. How do you know what I said? You're a fucking need a wife. You don't have a fucking girlfriend. Fuck this, do you understand how much?

You know, really go, oh, I'm sorry. When we fuck with you, it's not funny. Everything is serious when you get fuck with you fucking Any you do you fucking every time somebody sings you you're fucking serious We at won't you fucking say something true then you fucking faggot it is true You're long you got nobody I got plenty of you got nobody No, but I said bitches you got nobody Bitches you got nobody it's over lonely you're lonely show's here cancel You're lonely. Yeah, you're show oh wait you don't have

Sorry From this piece loving rock and roll come out June 30th nice Okay, I'm I did show in LA when I was in and roll come out? June 30th. Nice. I can't wait. I did a show in LA when I was in LA too. It's gonna be out in the fall. What was your call? It's called this is not happening with Harry Schuffer.

You would have known if we met up and hung out. I know. I hung out with fuckers. You know, I wasn't on it. Yeah, because you were busy with Marin and Schumer and whoever else. I don't know if fuckers did. Everybody Tom Poppill was on the fuck. Twice, both seasons, two seasons. And he would never put me on the fuck it there. I think I know if I can stand everybody Tom Poppill is on the fucking No, why spell season two seasons and they will he will never put me on the fucking day

I think I know why you were on that show he told me not to tell me but he said he's like I like Bobby And he's a sweet guy, but God is he unfunny. That's what I already said But I don't know I mean, you know, he's crazy But yeah, check out Aaron and I Really great on that. I did not see that coming. What's crazy to is like I'm not even friends with Ari. He's just like you're a fucking genius.

And he gets down. He's fucking nuts. But Joe didn't even, he never told the story before. He just winged it. Yeah. I'll tell it once. What was the story? I started to tell it here on the podcast.

Well, a crazy chick in Everett. Don't give it away. It's gonna be on the air. Oh, we did hear it. No, no, we talked about it. The crazy chick showed up and she blew everybody. I had sex too. I put a bunch of punchlines in there. But here's what happened.

Did you shower before she blew everybody? I did not. No. Well, we have multiple stories of a girl showing up and blowing everybody. It was a crazy house. In Everett. I shower before I have sex.

I have no love. I shower before I have sex in my wife. Why? You just turned Jewish. My wife. My wife. My wife. I've shouted before I have sex in my wife

because I want to fucking. You can't from him, man. Because she ties you up and beats you? My wife. No, because I fucking, I want to, I don't want, I want to smell good. I want to, I want to, I, that smelling good. When you have a fucking girl that,

her breath is great and she smells great. I mean, I'm just not into like I fucked a girl once or armpits Stunk yeah, I like that. I think I think I think when they like the smell of Mustina Sonsa man Mask yeah, they do it's a must I fucking I stick it's close to my armpits like that. She loves first of all So a fair moan fair faucet moans. Yeah, Fair moons come out of your butthole. Okay. That's not true. Absolutely true. That's not true. You do. It comes out of your asshole. Look.

If there's a fucking your prostate gland, the male g-spot. I don't think that's actually true. It's absolutely true. You forked hormones. Look it up. You're a fucking moron. It's a fucking, it's an oil that comes out that attracts fucking the female. I bet your fail-mones are in the sweat. it on it's an all-button sweats It is not in sweat. It's it's a gland you fucking moron and dogs Why do you think dogs smell each other's assholes? Bobby's also they also sweat out of their fucking tongues. They also bark. Yeah They have a dog dicks. I'm telling you, it's a fact.

More differences, Joe. You know, make more difference in facts. $20, it's a fact. Sparamons don't come out of your asshole. I don't even think Faremons are a real thing. I think that's like a thing. Faremons are a real thing. Oh, wait a minute, I'm not gonna bet that.

They might be fake. But I am gonna bet they come out of your asshole if they come out of your ass. Faremons don't come out of your ass. Don't say it yet, Scope. They're having shaken hands yet. A lot of people think they're gonna come out of your fingers.

Make the bad. Make the bad. $20 dollars you gotta run on the bitch hang on a second All right, I don't I don't like fucking dirtiness. I don't like smell. I don't like it. No nobody likes dirty Nessie. I don't like smell. I don't like a smelly. There was a lot of blue material in your last special sir I don't like I don't like you're in the minority here you scope., do you like smelly pussy? Nobody's saying that. Oh, I'm smelly pussy. I'm saying a man can smell. Can you not talk the fuck over each other? Jesus, what I'm saying is this. What are you saying, Bobby?

There's a fucking hat. Smelly pussy is smelly pussy. That's gross. So, yeah, but armpits are fine. I don't like a smelly armpit. Why do you like smelly armpits? It's real, keeps it real. What the fuck does that mean? armpit. I like armpit. Why do you like a smelly armpit? It's real. Keeps it real.

What the fuck does that mean? It's just... We're not a rapper, really. What does it mean? I don't know. Something feels good about it. What feels... Doesn't feel anything, you get to smell it.

It feels dirty. It's just a little bit of a musk. Just because she does, that kind of turns me on with it. No, it's not just because she does, it's because she smells, because she didn't shower, because she needs to fucking clean. No, she... No, but it's just because she does it's because she smells because she didn't shower because she needs to fucking clean No, she no, but it's just because she does Whether she went to the gym. Yeah, Jim. Exactly. Yeah, there's about her body. Yeah, because she smells Here's a thing. Bobby a gym is supposed to be going workout. Yeah, look hey fatty

You'll fucking be where I'm at very soon trust me when it all comes tumbling down and the fucking people beneath you I asked you say it looks gonna be on a show that no one really watches. Exactly. I can't wait for your next fat. Your next fat is gonna be celebrating. I beat him up. Push him, cut his. I can't wait to your next fat. It's gonna be glorious. I can't wait till your next skinny, which is never gonna happen. Really? I will fucking be skinny for your next fat.

That will be my gift to you. This is my fucking night. I'm out of a cake. That you'll eat. Let's all get skinny. Bob, I beat Lewis in a push-up contest. Tell him that. I'm looted everybody.

Yeah, I did. First of all, I had done push-ups in a long time, okay? And Joe weighs 84 pounds. So if I weigh to 84 pounds, I could do 150 pushups in a row. Yeah, but you can't get down to 180 pounds. How many did you do, Joe? I did 42, and I decided to stop, because I was bored. You didn't decide to stop, you fucking,

you fucking Faggot Arms Day there. And I did 27. Sir, yes. Do you like a smelly girl? Well, like, no, I don't want to push. What about you? A tire fire? Do you even let him do it? No, because I, he said no, and I't want to put what about a tire fire

No, because I he said no and I get it What about you everything you said the armpits there because I've been with a woman that is smelled from every part Yeah, one occasion. He put woman in quotation by the way I like when Lewis gets going Is out of his pun mode gets going. He's out of his pun mode. I'm saying it, but yeah, it is nice. I just don't get it, dude. And it's smelly pussy to me is just fucking disgusting. That's disgusting. Yeah, but to have when you're the juice, the asshole juice and the pussy juice and it mixes

and it's like, fuck, and take a shower. If you have the option, if there's a fucking shower and I'm a grown, you're being a... But when you fuck, it takes all the romance out of it Bob does not yes it's a jump at what the fuck in the shower jump they can't it's fucking terrible women don't like it women don't like it no they don't know they don't learn do you like it no you don't

can you how does he's massively huge so anything you just get in I can't she has a fucking underground pool I can't fucking the shower what does pool. I can't fucking this show. What does she have? I get distracted by the water. When the water when it gets in the pussy dries it out. It's like fucking in a pool. It's hard to do. You think? Yeah, so she said yes. But now when I inform her that it sticks and it's been turned on you are because I fucked in a pool before and if the

girl's really turned on it still works. She's got to get your dick in there. Who's pool and it's been turned on you are because I fucked in a pool before and if the girls really turned on it still works she's got to get your dick in there who's pool was it a bunch of pools public pool and I'm pool hopping with James come on jump defense that's not true I know I know for bad Lewis is never had sex with James I'm 100% sure this is Lewis's new thing that's's not true. Your joke's not true. Go fuck yourself. Okay. Yes, we know. Wait, hold on. Human sex pheromones are naturally chemical Sense that the body produces in order to attract others. Where do they come from natural sense? Yeah, they're not from your asshole, Bob Well, you're not a fucking skunk spring it out of your ass. Don't don't say it to me. Like I'm supposed to agree with you Because you're aggressively telling me something and that's a fact. Do you know know how great my spare mills would be if it was just that of your ass? Take you can you wow?

Can you just leave you wow? That joke stuck worse in my ass all over his where where are they from focus from the asshole? It says it says it read it. Thank you. Where? Where does it say it launch get it relax you fucking idiot she's set of the fuck down tempers getting it layering what are you gonna do I don't want to throw a fucking desk what fucking kiddie at you that's not getting if it took your eye out then you go to patch it was good huge because he's a patch patch

ball that is making all the pirate movies. Oh boy. Anyway, you owe me $50 and you have a pilot cash that's not in my pocket. What's going on there? I told you, I was trying to tell the story earlier but you guys fucking went on to some other subject. Oh I'm sorry, I thought it was your show. So I was going to buy these chairs and I left the house without my wallet.

I have no money, I had no gas. I have no money and no gas and no money and nothing. So money twice. And no money, gas or money and I fucking tried to get money. And they're all signs of allying a story that's not true. And then why don't you just hand them 50 bucks and have dawn and not write the check? What is that mean? Because you owe me 800.

That's why. That was 800. You're getting your money and the game over you fun little you little fucking running joke But here's the thing there's more money than you even realize why you owe me money from other things what other things What collecting yeah, what I don't want to make it up on air cuz you'll be like this do don't fucking make it seem like I'm some sort of Do Shonee you talked to me in private you fucking bagging I'm very interested. I want to Collection it's crazy. It's a collection. It's crazy. It's crazy.

Can you think of any? There's a bunch. You owe me like a thousand dollars. I'm not kidding. Balliots be close to a thousand dollars. Besides the other stuff. T-shirts. Yeah.

Spot. I used for the spot 50. We were working on a TV show. You're like, dude, down and load this thing. I'll pay for half of it. What was it? It was fucking some bullshit. TV thing you mean oh you know the other one Celtics free final draft final draft like I'm like it's two bucks I got nobody like I'll split it with you I'll check and then you pay pal they never got

no no it's like two bullshit I don't say never got a track I'll do a hundred fifty dollars. I'm gonna buy it yesterday. Stop, stop, stop. And I didn't get it. I got it. I took, first of all, the fact that I have to tell a comedian, a comedian who I'm writing a show with to get final draft, this guy, let's write something, let's write something. And I'm like, well, you have to have final draft to write something.

I do, what is it? And I'm like, you know, final draft is? He doesn't have final draft. He's got more money than me in his fucking savings because I got a kid in the house in a fucking mortgage and he has a one bedroom and he splits it with his fucking chick okay time I had four roommates he has fucking nine hundred million dollars in the bag yet I got a fucking half eight with him on five feet and then wait wait but if you said it okay but wait but if you said it okay here but if you said it you all I'm not fucking Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, You didn't tell me I told oh Only $75 that it was you no 200 bucks. It was to the bucks. What is that half right? 100 okay, so there's a hundred what else?

All right, there's a hundred there was another event that you hired before the fact that I have to I did a bunch of work I'm gonna get you right a fucking strip with you. He's not even a good script writer What I know that and so I'm a great As Dan Soda we have great script you sit there and yell it then write that down right that down I'm gonna shadow box and I intimidate. Yeah, all right. Troy you're a faggot Bob. I know Scripts are good. I script's a good. What else? I script about I want to know what you're certain roast remember roast. This is like 10 years ago I wrote never got paid

What was that how much? A hundred bucks? You wrote a set you wrote a set for a couple jokes. He wrote a game me a couple jokes I don't use any yeah, I think you did I did not I paid Joe He helped me write for the big J. R. I got paid right away. Appreciate that dog beautiful I would never I would never try to take advantage of it What else you want to go this long long That's it. Yeah, he's Aaron's That's a boy. I'm afraid of it. Say it if someone fuck knows me money. It's that fucking we

Let's you want to pull the big on him then it's like okay. You owe me this plus this What we say collecting money is like the first 48 you got your best chance of collecting it in the first 48 hours Right like finding it missing. Yes, and well I come from a certain place. I thought you were from a similar town But I still I owe people I go ahead. I owe you you can't trust these grubby. I owe you money. He has the money boom Hey, I'm actually right. It's like I have a lot going on if you say to me if you say to me hey, dude I need that money. I have to do money right away. I don't need the money. There's a thing I don't need the money you seem to need if you You got you know, I mean I'll work a little harder. I'll do a few extra sets because you got a

You know what I mean? I'll work a little harder. I'll do a few extra sets because you got a We're up to what is it so it's 370 for the t-shirts 70 dude it's fucking too hot and then you said you got to pay me half of my computer that's 600 See what I'm dealing with you see what I mean he does this all the time and then he fucking brings it up Seven years later and goes what the fuck? I feel more comfortable knowing you what you're a Hello, you hold resentments. I'm gonna need this money to buy this microphone resentment bully You're a two-hundred-fifth of-box today call it square no resentments. No, I'm gonna raise you every fucking dime Oh, it's really sweet of you. That's good

You got a settle with them like the creditors just offer them like 60% of them. Like, are we even there? Yeah. Cause they'll take it. I'll take a stock. I'm gonna give you, tell you what, you have me on your podcast every once in a while. I'll pay you much better.

That's the worst thing. I'm gonna pay you every red fucking nickel. Ooh, I'm gonna try to sell her. I'm gonna try to sell her. Those nickels that be covered in blood. I'm paying you every, I'm gonna drop a check at you. At my kids birthday, I'm gonna drop a check at you put at my kids birthday I'm gonna second place one of Max's toys. I'm gonna fucking not get a stick in your pocket. Yeah

Oh Max. Yeah, what are you gonna my? Marry you I do I have an old card. Do you want to give it to James? Bro no fuck James. Oh you want it? He'll take the gigs no it's fine listen I get it do all right listen if I had a younger comic that looked up to me I wouldn't pay a meter I'd just be like hey dude will you know I wish I had one I want to know what the strip was about I was fucking hilarious can we tell them should we tell them yeah no I it's still out there no it's not know we finished one then we started and then we did it

We literally started from scratch because the whole we finished the script We did all the characters we did everything and then we looked at it We're like this is all it would take a lot to produce this a lot of money to and the way TV is fucking a way to hear a movie starts with a helicopter shot. No, it's just the way that it was on a train. It was on a train. So you'd have to have shit going by the windows. About Jews. The whole time it was just Jews on a train production wise it would have been

fuckery ridiculous. So we we wrote a better one. And now because back in the day TV would actually pay for that But now it's just a one camera shoot a lot of these shows that hit and it costs way less to shoot So we wrote a better one right it would you take it to Louis? Your friends would love I'm interested. I'm friends Why don't we finish why don't we do this? That was classic. Why don't we do this? Sunday you come over he has so few can we acknowledge when he gets one?

Everybody everybody applause for Lewis. Yay. I mean, we should be getting him. I want a nice 20 second applause. Yeah, yeah. 20 seconds is longer than you think. 20 seconds is longer than you think. Joe, can I hear more of Lewis's script?

I really like that. Can we, we'll take it to Louis. Your friends with Louis? I'm friends with Louis. We got a show. Yeah. Okay, well yeah, let's take it to Louis, the guy who has nine shows on TV right now.

Well, I can't even have ten, lucky ten. Lucky Louis ten. I hate myself. I think I'm not performing well. Why don't we film, why don't I pay you first? Get you off my fucking grind. Okay, so I don't have to do that. I have it up in grinding that bringing up that money

you've owed me for two years once. So when I get you off my fucking, get you off me. Do it now. I don't have to be grinding that bringing up that money you've owed me for two years once. So when I get you off my fucking get you off me. Do it now. I don't have to worry about it. I don't have the page. I don't have to check. Call it up right now. Get it right to check right now. Give him the cash. How much is it? 50 bucks. How much? I want the 50 bucks that you promise me that we can go. Everything else is how much you want. How much you want? How much you want? How much you want? So 100? No, I got a hundred for the fucking final draft 100 for the fuck that deep I'm gonna pay you gotta have Lewis do I got a second. Can I see some Lewis? Are you are you representing? I'm representing okay? I'm his financial advisor

10% bro 270 10% love it. Thank you brother. I was 70 plus 100. I would like to say this 15 stop. Can I have 100 for the roast and I say $520 I don't need a human calculator I'm gonna be fit to do bucks bro. I'll pay to you immediately. I would like to say something to you a fucking client The hundred dollars to me. I'll tell him the hundred dollars for the final draft if we sell If you say if you sell if we sell the show if you sell the show got it if we ever make the show He has to pay me that money back done deal shop, Joe. I'll pay you shut the fuck up. Tell me I'll tell you not a deal

That I'm not doing it. Are you crazy? You owe him the money. No, I know We don't finish the show. We don't finish the show Louis hates you listen look at what I'm representing Kelly now Here's what's gonna happen. Come for Stuka. Look, the deal is, love me. No deal. I don't know what that show, Bobby,

it's selling out. There's only four seats. You ma'am. Do you understand though, the running gag of you being a deadbeat is worth more than $500. Right in front of the back. Right in front of the back. Right in front of the check for 350, call it done.

520 and not a fucking penny left the check for 350. No. No. 520 and not a fucking penny less. 10 fucking 350 and done. I will pay it. 520 if I get that $105. 520. If it goes to series, not a pilot. If it goes to the fuck back.

No, you got to. Do you get for a pilot, do you know? Pilot definitely. Not today. This isn't fucking 95. I just got to get a green light. I just got to get green light for the third time. You have barely enough money for production.

Can I ask you a question? No, he literally, he just said not today's pilots. Like pilots, the money stayed the same as it was. No, I don't know anything that I'm talking about. But if it was like streaming or something cheaper than that, then you could make a pilot for way cheaper. If it goes to series, he'll pay you back. Can I counter?

I'm not talking to you directly. I'm not talking to you directly. That's what you're talking about. Bobby, what's the gavill. How about you, tell me, tell me, tell me. Can I counter? I'm not talking to you. I'm not talking to you directly. That's just to the offer, Bobby. What's up, Gary? Where's the gavel? How about this? If it goes to series, Joe will pay for final draft himself. Altogether, $200 back. But nothing if it just goes to pilot.

$350 and that deal. No, no, $350 is getting to $520. But we settle it today. Do this more in the court. Get me in the court. Get me in the court. Look at me. Well, you can't morning the court and what are the court? Look at me. I need to be the judge and the client I need a moment with my client these microphones in this mixing board need a moment with that I will be the judge because I don't trust anybody else in the room

I take a two-minute commercial recess while I hear you have to suck the Deck first before you to be to beat your honorary judge you have to put in your mouth Seriously out will you just like this kiss it kiss it that and then go oh, I love it. I love it And they're gonna go order in my butt With the fair moments come Stop pause pause in the deal read it under arms the nipples of both sexes the public genital and pubic yeah, general areas wait The lips the eyelids in the outer ear no anus no, she's not even asked Everything but the asshole. All right, it was a farther than Bobby. Louis is farther than Bobby

I like that you'll pay Louis before I pay him I like that you'll pay Lewis before I pay him Let's because these bullies look up for each other in light of this new evidence We're willing to counter offer $330 subtracting the $20 Lewis sees money. It's like a goat at the zoo Lewis that 20 goes towards the 52 I owe you that I said three year Lewis that 20 goes towards the 52 I owe you I said Three you're not about fair no way 320 bucks today. It's even all right. All right Joe's getting married

He needs the money for 20 and we're we're even no payment back on it for 20 20 more 20 and we'll smoke a joint in celebration T shirts is my physical money. That's not even fucking no Joe let's talk for my guy said it up what do I get you can't do that what you're like for the middle school all the stuff that's there setting up do we treat you my shirts you too money you asked them for me you money first that's a lot you're gonna take the deal take the deal 220. He just said it. That is a lie. You came to me, sir

You came to me, sir and said Bob a fan gave me this can I please put them up on you incorrect? That's fucking crazy and you and I said I will do it And you know I don't know. I'm trying to get me mad or not. Well, huh dude. That's insane You volunteered you're like give him to me. I'll make it the sound of a T kettle I like the joke you laughs hurt my feelings Oh, I want is the 50 from my week. We'll call it a thing Bobby give him 50 bucks. I'll call it even what call it even you can keep my other 800 Give me 50 more than I do Joe just blow each other. I'll suck anyone's dick in here for fun right now called Don Right check for four hundred dollars completely even wipe the click 50 bucks check for

Take it shut up Joe. I won't take how we done. Are we done what do you I'm done with you? I'm done with you in LA and New York He's coming down That's not like your career. Yeah, that's the sound of you milking that dumb bitch All right, well Joe this Sunday at the party you will be taking care of in full my friends I'm not gonna be there, but are you not coming? I'm gonna try I landed John stay most isn't there. So what party? No, you're invited in my wedding, right? I guess you're coming all right Will you definitely not coming will super

Most Schumer Louis or at least LP be there. I need somebody that can help. Am I allowed to sit at the big boy table this year? Here's a thing, and can I say this? Because you're not the only person that has confronted me with this. Other people, civilians have said it too about having like Colin and Amy and Keith and blah, blah, blah. That table. Are there people who aren't police officers or military?

So, no, please don't give it to them. Don't give it, that was too bad. I don't want it to him. Don't get that was too bad. I don't want it near him. Oh, I just farted. What up? Innocent, I'm running the party. Oh, Burmoss. I'm going to get a party right there.

I'm going to get a party right there. It just glows right in my face. It is so weird that most of the funniest guy in the show. He really is killing it today. Here's a deal. I am running the party. I'm cooking the food.. Here's a deal. I am running the party. I'm cooking the food. I'm doing a lot.

I'm not just hanging out. I'm doing a lot of shit. So I can't- You need to come and box the bar. I can't. I can't make sure your fucking social skills are up to par. No, you put us at a fucking dinner table. You sat there.

I did not tell you it had a sit. I swear to God. Did I tell you it had a sit? Kind of. No, I did not. I never did that. I swear to God, I did not. Did I tell you it has said? Kind of. No, I did not. I never did that. I was going to go back in time with like video footage. I sit there.

I did never said that. Away from Shuma. I set up the fucking tables and Shuma and Colin and Keith, you guys all just went and sat where you sat. Bailey sat with her husband over here. My neighbor sat here. Everybody just went and did their thing I would never tell anybody to sit anywhere. It is up to fucking you know went over to the other table

Dan Soda got up left you guys and went and sat Your shit self-esteem kept you at that fucking table You should have walked over and sat next to Quinn and went what's up, dude? I'm blue. Hey, yeah, I know you and hung the fuck out That's it because I had other people go dude, all the comics kind of sit together and you feel kind of, hey man, that's not my fucking problem. You're a civilian, walk up and say hi, they're right there.

I'm cooking fucking 500 steak tips, 300 hamburgers, and fucking 900 steak tips. That's just for Bobby. Right? We getting steak tips this year? Yeah, so I'm ordering them to be in fucking driven in from Boston on Saturday. You know what? I don't want to sit at the big boy table.

You sit wherever you want. I'm going to say with me and my kid are going to fucking sit at our own little table. We got a fun thing for the kids. I know you told me. We have a fucking chicken. Face, face, face. Face, face. Subway sandwiches.

Jeff Fogel's bringing it. I would like you to shave the day of the party. What do you mean? I have a face painter and she's gonna give you a fucking mouth and a chip. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Robert, I feel like you're being very insensitive. I, ah, we got face painting. Oh, you can add more. You can add more. Like bam, bam, bigaloo. We have full. That's actually a pretty good idea. Paloo and animals.

That's a great Halloween. That's a great deal. Don's making all these punch things. We got to hold the whole fence is going to be a papered so the kids can go up and paint it. You get old tools. I'm out of no tools, kick. Yeah, you could have some old deals.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, so the kid's going to be it. And we have a lady who's not who's going to kind of corral the kids. Make sure that it's around the kids. Huh? Corral the kids. Well, you can, yeah, she's great. You're coming to you

So it's gonna be a fun party Driving are you driving scope? I am driving. So do you give me a ride? I got to be there probably like a 10 o'clock in the morning Oh wait, there's a train goes right there right? Why planes you take a cab? It's a it fired all a cab ride Can you pick me up with a train? I can think of a train. Yeah, there you go. Bring car seat though No, he's fucking three and a half Let me put him right there. Bring booster. Okay. I can just take my car Bobby. How late can I be I landed 3 10 p.m Just come right to the party from where? Yeah, yeah, you'll be What time hour? What time it's starting? It takes a half hour to get there. Starts at two o'clock. You're gonna take a

Cash I'm gonna be I'm gonna spawn me up and I'll go with you and split it all go with him. I'm gonna go home. Just come for a couple hours. It's gonna be a good party, man. It's a lot of physical go till. Go till six o'clock. Who's gonna be the most famous person there? Colin Quinn. Really? Yeah, he's way more. I don't think Amy's coming. Oh, she because she's I don't I invited her. I mean, of course she she's welcome to come, but you never know, you know, you never famous for the party now No, I think she might not be around she might be fucking doing shows somewhere What are you doing? We could pitch the show. I Louis. I told Louis to come I and he said Sex back who's this said. I don't know so I texted him You know, I said I'll send it to him the night of I'll call for I'll feel him out No, so look at Dan's gonna be there. You're going to be there. My core.

Norns. Huh? Norns. Norns. So my core friends are going to be there. There's a group of people that I want to come. A circle code is not coming. I was bummed out about that.

But he can't make it. You know, OP. I invited OP. I don't know if he's coming. John Corbett. John Corbett is not coming. Dennis Leary? Liz Gilles?

Liz Gilles? No. Elaine? I-I-I-How with this? I went to Liz Gilles' house. In LA. There's a picture of her with Steve. What?

Ah-ha! Sinuses weren't hurting too bad that day. What? You're a fuck, what'd you wear? Your breath right, no strip. You're gonna fucking Liz Gilles' house? Unbelievable, we hurt. Buddy, keep your money.

All I want is a little fucking, a tech back. I wanna fucking have a cigar, dude. Let's have a cigar after this. Okay, you wanna go with what's your name? Yeah, I'll go. I'll go. We'll go with Andre. Let's have some cigars.

We'll go with Aaron. We're gonna know. Andre, it's such a better name poem Andre Berg you know it's Andre steroids Hello, Bonjour. I'm all right. So yeah, I'll definitely smoke us go have the spokes and bats. That's cool Go back to Liz Gillies. Yeah, we went to our house. You get to put a picture like I'll always see your tips Where it's like a see through top. She's wearing on some shit. Let's go to books and bars right down the street I want to hear more about Liz

Liz gillies is beautiful. Where went to her house the night? She's no Lauren the night of the night of The night of the day. I tell the fucking story. Well, she's fucking blowing. I'm kissing fucking right here She's not blowing them to you. She's blowing them to him. I know, but don't yell at me like it's my fault Yeah, but it's not thanks Lou and blew a kiss you're yelling at me yell at these two fucking not to Liz come on I'm gonna chance let this love blue. Oh, I'm a girl. I'm gonna start good. Keep the microwave silly Lewis Make you not do my move make a move Lewis is Joe a hack for stealing Lou is his move. All right, you shut up. You shut the fuck up. You shut the fuck up And please for the love of God Joe shut the fuck up. You shut up, you shut the fuck up, you shut the fuck up, and please, for the love of

God Joe, shut the fuck up. You got it. Let's go to the chat room real quick. What do we got in there, Deepo? Sure, buddy. See, buddy says Tuesdays with audits. I liked it. Fuck off.

Christ Killus says Bobby is confusing pheromones with dinkooks come. Oh oh not bad that was really good. Uh that was that was a good one. Uh he also says I'm sure there is a closed circuit TV footage of Lewis fucking somewhere. Is there footage of me fucking? Like security camp footage. Yeah definitely. Oh yeah. Lano's bar on house. And yes, you're any footage 100% a Walmart children's fitting room.

He thought you meant comedy central TV. That's why he was so shocked. Daily dose says I got a sweet pickup line for Berg. Baby, you must be Hebrew because Jew sexy. Can you block that guy from? I don't think it's that bad. I just do the white hair. Why do you look the voice? Why would they think that? He did a voice.

Aaron's voice is deep. That kind of sounds like Burke. Hey, how's it going guys? What? I think he even deep voice. This is Willy Wonka. He even gravely voice. I think I'm nasally but gravely at the same time.

Yeah, I think it sounds more like this. I can't do it. I went to Liz's live in her boyfriend. She has a boyfriend and he's fucking hot. He does all the music for the Nickelodeon shows and all those kid shows. He's like a genius musician all from his house. Surf a kind of dude.

He's in his 40s. Good looking guy. Good looking guy. Really cool guy. But amazing house. Awesome pad. We smoked stokes out in his back. And, and it was, she's, she's fucking great man.

Did she mention me? No, she actually, I think she brought a soda once. God damn, I swear to God. I don't know. It's always soda. I think she said, who's that guy? And I was like, I'd fucking kill him. I swear to God She's right if he fucked her I would fucking kill him

Maybe like I fucked her but I didn't fuck her well. You would have fucked her better No, you fuck me really good damn you really did great. No, no, no, you're so much better No, she has a boyfriend. She's not fucking anybody, but she looks really bad to the standard I have to say that because it's recording. Okay. Okay. I have to have a backup You record these no, I don't think so I wish he did when we were there she was fixing her tits right into the camera. It was zoomed right in scope was basically yeah, I got a chubby. Yeah really? Hmm. What's the lesson you got a boner in public. I got one I got one the other day. Didn't just happen.

I was when you're gone for the morning. I got boners all day when you're a teenager in 20s. I got one yesterday because I was on the exercise bike at the gym and I didn't have any like tight underwear on so my dick was rubbing on the left every time you can jerk off on a bike because my leg was rubbing up against my business and I had some important fun sex the tonight before. Yeah, if you have a vagina, you can do it. Come, busy, thanks.

Wow, I really said that Liga was going to kill tonight. I actually had timing in there. I was like, yeah, if you have a vagina, you can do it. But it goes on fucking just for laughs, Gala. Whoa, two more. Not even the Canadians like that one. Boy. I actually, yeah, I had, what was the last time you came in your sleep?

Zero. I've never done that. You never had a night of mission? Years ago. You know when you come in your dream, then you think you come in your sleep. I came in my dream a month ago, woke up thinking, oh oh God, I can't, no, it was just dream come. I came in my dream. I came in my dream.

I came in my dream. Yeah. And I woke up, my underwear was full. That's what supposed to happen. What? Like, full, like I've, I came in the dream, like I've never, I literally went, oh god. Like I was like a woman coming. And I woke up, my underwear was full.

And come was, as I woke up, Giz was still shooting out. It was so amazing. It was so, and I wanted to call my wife, I'm like, honey, I, but I, well, what you think of it? I was like, I'm not you, I was like, an Indian girl by a stream. What a fucking stream. The latter literally.

Yeah, the latter leg prod was by a stream. It was fucking buffalo behind her. So it was a two for one. But yeah, I come in and, man, what a feeling to come without touching your dick. I was reading up on lucid dreaming. And I really want to train myself to lucid dream. What is it?

I heard that. You can do this exercise you can take to have crazy dreams. So basically you can control your dreams. They did it in the Nightmare and I'm Stream movies. She was like, you have to learn how to train your dreams. You could fight for it. But it's a real thing.

And you could basically, you could just go, when you, I did it one time. Like I was like, I want a dream that I'm on the beach. Because I got really, I saw that I did it one time, like I was like, I wanna dream that I'm on the beach cause I got really, I saw that movie Waking Life on acid when I was like 18 by myself and I thought, dude, I think that's the coolest thing on earth. And then like I went to bed, everyone felt like a week thinking I was on a beach.

Just imagining a beach, imagining a beach, that I dreamed that I was at the beach. But lucid dreaming is when you're in your dream and you realize that you're in a dream and then you can start controlling the fucking ship that's going on in your dream. So you could fly, you can do whatever you want. There's like techniques where,

when you just, throughout the day, you start knocking on the table, right? You just keep on doing that throughout the day. Just do it all day long, it's knock on the table. And then in the dream, like you'll start doing that in like your dream, then you realize that you're actually dreaming. I was watching these fucking videos

and reading these articles about it, but how fucking cool would that be? to just be able to control your dreams? You know just fucking you go to sleep and you're so I'm gonna fuck Liz Gillies while I fucking have Just watch Bobby get fucked by a bunch of black guys like just fuck what the fuck what happened? I'm great with that. That would be awful awesome And you know you want to watch me get fucked by black eyes while he's fucking Liz Gillies though Yeah, yeah, why you that's you know that keeps you hard? You keep looking over at see black cock going in my juicy asshole.

Yeah, yeah, whatever. How fucking I was talking to him. I don't like that his blood sugar went down and that's why that joke bombed. Uh, I think you're right. Well, maybe I just bombed. I was talking to, uh, this is the worst fuck you, Lewis. You're off today. I'm not off. Oh, what are you doing? I not off. What are you doing?

I gotta eat. What are you doing? I know. I know. What is that a protein bar? Yeah. Oh my god. Oh shit.

That's the price of being in good shape. You have like a timer that goes off and you have to just put protein in your body at that moment. I don't think a minute. Two minutes. No, God. Anyways, I think we start talking about this a couple minutes ago, where I was ago.

You're going to watch Ari show. It's amazing. I went to the night before to watch a tape and get a feel for it. So Brian Regan, the Chicago guy, Chris Flannery, I think his name is most unbelievable story of an art Flannery. Sean Flannery, most unbelievable story I've

ever heard in my life. Regan was a long air. No, short air, a Scali cap. And then Julian McCulloch had an unbelievable fucking story. Doug Stanhope. Stanhope, there was a story. Joe Lest. There's Chris, the Sean Flannery story, Aaron Berg.

So what'd you go, you got a story and just made it into a joke? It's a long, you tell a story. I added jokes to our, or punched it up a little bit. But here's what I did. I went to the show the night before. Right. And I fucking couldn't sleep. Going back to sleep. I tossed and turned the whole night, because these guys were so good. Everyone fucking, it up a little bit. But here's what I did. I went to the show the night before. Right. And I fucking couldn't sleep. Go back to sleep.

I tossed and turned the whole night. Because these guys were so good. Everyone fucking, it was Regan, Julian, and Kala. This guy, Aliq. How long was it the stories? As long as you want. But mostly 10 to 15, 10 to 20. But these guys were so good.

And the story. Ali speak. Most people, they're like 12 to 15. Yeah. I watch everyone at Joey Diaz's story is on it. He's the fucking best storyteller in the world. Peters did like 40 minutes. What really? Yeah, he just went crazy but I was pretty unbelievable everyone was so good. I couldn't sleep as I was like I'm fucked. I got nothing

I'm an idiot. I got I'm talking bullshit dumb story. I can't believe I didn't get fucking asked to do it. No, I can believe it I'm serious. Yeah, you're okay comic, but your storytelling isn't that great it. I mean, I'm serious. You're okay, comic, which your storytelling is not great. But you're pretty good at hosting a party. I can't fucking believe it. I love Ari. I love it. But did you ask him to do the show? Last time he actually told me, because they wanted more diversity. They didn't want a bunch of one. Now, this time it seems like everybody and their fucking mother did it. No, they diverse it up. They had Stan Hope, Berg, me, Flannery, Regan, Bigger from the third time.

I'm doing McCullough, Jay Orkerson. No, this time, the last time they wanted, you know, all the people he said. Right, no, no. Renazisee made another story. I always want to do shows. I always want to do one of the points. I always want to do in those dumb shows when they're done. You know what I mean, stupid. I mean, stupid. I mean, stupid.

I mean, stupid. I mean, stupid. I mean, stupid. I mean, stupid. I mean, stupid. I mean, stupid. I mean, stupid. I mean, stupid.

I mean, stupid. I mean, stupid. I mean it. That was a good one. I got it. I think you're, well, now my joke is shit. My joke is going to be finding talent to have on your podcast. He stepped out of it in a great joke. It was going to be fun. But he stepped out of it with a fat joke. Before I get to mind. I was low hanging fruit.

Haha. Well hanging fruit. That's Bobby. Well, I'm making my understanding. Oh my God, you really went there? Yeah. We got it. Low hanging doughnuts.

You know, we got it. Low hanging fruit. I know, but then you explain the joke because we need low hanging Multit shakes dude. Let's go settle it all settle the stages whatever the saying is get some bats Let's get some sticks. Let's go to let's go to books and Bob and have some Sticks yes, I'll be home. I got tonight off. I'm gonna watch the Man There are our show I'm in but we can we finish the show? I'm gonna do the thing when you say it and then you like dude I got a lot going on

I'm in gay. I'm crazy brother. Here's what you do though. You fucking take off right after show you gone Let's all know together cuz you can't drive home cuz it's rush hour. We got nothing Yeah, I got spot for a stick. I got another going on until nine o'clock guys We got nothing. So we'll hang out. I got a spot. Let's go first. I got another going on until nine o'clock, guys. You don't smoke cigars. Yes, I do. You said before you, before you smoke cigars, and those guys call, I was doing it.

I know everything. You've done everything before everybody. Why are you flipping out right now? You should tell your to make it up stories about it. No, I didn't. I said, you don't smoke cigars because you say, do you gonna get, I don't smoke cigars. I can't do it.

I don't either. How many do you smoke a day? I don't either I smoke one I smoke for a week to four week Yeah, you don't smoke about every time I do not smoke about every day I spoke two to three cigarettes a day. Do not you're gonna die. You're everyone's gonna die first the Last second of all mouth on your face second of all I'll be fine How are you gonna do up jokes either no mouth. Yeah But you missed a good one you dazed off. I had a big one buddy. What was it? I feel like we're fighting What are you doing you come in to you? You call me a fucking chiseler? You come to go fuck myself. Yeah and you call me a fucking chiseler. You come into a fight by chiseler.

Yeah, you call me a chiseled. I'll never call you chiseled. Somebody who makes statues, chislers. He said you're gonna die with no money. A chiseler is a fucking cheap guy, a fucking guy. I don't think that's the only one. You heard it. Never heard of it.

Yeah, why'd he build her in dictionary? Urban dictionary chiseler. Where did chiseler come from? The F20 box. I mean, my 20 bucks. I think you're thinking of my Z. That'd be be the 20 bucks. Oh shut the fuck up. No Yeah, I can get. I'm right. That's not the bet. You're too confident. I think it's Chisler I think it's my

Zer or Kike stuff like that Sorry, oh a true a-lister one who enjoys gambling women drinking Wrong that's not what a chiseler is. What a chiseler! Yeah, I should have been. You should have. Yeah. That's the way it was there.

That's hilarious. I'm saying it's voting. What is it? Is it spelled out? It's a million women. You're doing voting. Can she do it or you do it? Because I don't need fucking two dummies doing it.

I need one. All right. All right. A true a-lister, one who knows the gambling. We go back and forth. I don't think he's going back and forth. What? Back and forth.

Back and forth. Sure. A true a-lister who enjoys gambling. Women drinking, boating, and all of the fun. That's my chiseler. How much chiseler? How much chiseler? How much chiseler?

Oh, I wish you bet. How much chiseler? I wish you bet. How much chiseler? I'm a chiseler. I'm a chiseler. I'm a chiseler. I didn't call you a chiseler. And I said that I love boating.

You said I love all the five things I've had. You said I'm an English, that I'm sick of it. Well, it's Bobby Montgomery Kelly over on that 44, though. Did you see the fucking little, the baby that fell into the guerrilla cage? Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I just heard about it now.

What is it? Are you kidding me? No, I was trying to be sarcastic. It was too cage. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I just heard about it now. What is it? Are you kidding me? No, I was trying to be sarcastic and it's too stupid to come to him, sir. I was saving this for these genus skanks because we can make a lot of racist jokes about kids.

Yeah, I know. Why? Because of the baby. No, because of the gorilla. The gorilla. The gorilla. Because the guy that got choked in Staten Island was manhandling a baby.

All right, give me the band And you get the bomb That's the first time I've ever had someone tries to pull it and start to type I Yeah, like you Steven Tyler, but the parents are getting fucking crucified. I think that's I think that's not they shouldn't they should be you know who's saying that people that don't have kids right? Okay, you have a four year old? Yep. Dude, why did you have your kids' hand?

The whole time at a zoo, you think you're holding your four year old's fucking hand? The kid wants to fuck his floor and floor and floor. How about the fucking zoo? Makes it so you can't fucking get into the cage. Yeah. All right, what is this fucking old, 60 year old fucking zoo with a 15 foot drop?

Put him behind Plexiglass like a new zoo has The kid any kid can jump over and fucking fall off and look yeah technically I just don't I don't think it's a bad parent that if you take your eyes off your kids She's got four kids with her right? He's off your kid for one second a four-year-old is not a baby She can understand a four-year-old let me tell you something though a four-year-old's on a baby But God damn did it break my heart watching that little kid getting dragged around that I didn't actually see the baby getting dragged around It's fucking the saddest shit I've ever seen because I have a three year old you have a four year old

And you see the fucking kid drop off You know you see the kid in the puddle no grill is just holding it They say the grill is trying to protect it. He was trying to prop him up at one point He was trying to protect it But it's like and why the fuck do you get a shoot it? Trankilize the fucking thing. Yeah, well, they said that takes a while for the tranquilizer to say it That's what they're saying so they could have put a point the girl's gonna pop up as sneakers and you don't know it's I agree with you How's it going?

There's something wrong with you. What? There's something wrong with you. There's something wrong with you. If you don't get that racist show in MTV, they don't know what they're doing. I tell you, I feel bad for the parents because they're being, what, and the gorilla got shot because these people were assholes. No, what do you, if it, if it is a fucking choice between it, there's an accident happens. And there's a choice between killing the gorilla or letting a baby die. Not only get, it's not even like,

the gorilla takes one to the fucking head. This baby's gonna be beaten up by a gorilla. In front of his parents. Yeah, that's, I mean, look, you gotta choose one. The gorilla's going. Sorry, sorry buddy. You know, it sucks. It, the whole thing just sucks.

But it's an accident that happened. And now, because they're're saying because these stupid parents Beautiful gorilla died fuck you. How about this fuck face? How about we don't have gorillas and cages? Let them just be in the jungle with a fuck or on the streets of Cincinnati. Yeah, or above 125 Gorillas probably happy got fucking shot and stuff having a dry hump an old fucking tire every day. Yeah Happy got fucking shot instead of having a dry hump an old fucking tire every day. Yeah, but you probably right I heard a sort of fucking had more confidence in that it would have been funny You're gonna put it in the apes where he wrote your words. I thought that was fucking really good You can win bets that way with a lot of confidence. Yeah

I think I heard someone though Right my friend Evan wrote a thing about he grew up in a zoo. Like his dad was a zoo keeper, you fucking jackals. Why are you mad at us? Because you don't know what a fucking zoo keeper is. Because I fucking said he grew up in a zoo and I was waiting for him to go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go,

I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go,

I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, these zoos a lot of times those animals are taken away from places they were getting poached and hunted and they spend the all the budget on a zoo is to recreate that thing so these animals are actually relatively saved and actually pretty happy yeah well it is i would say i really i don't i fucking okay fine but they're at why don't we spend all that money and go fucking protect these gorillas and set up an army that

protects the gorillas against these boaches. That's ridiculous. I mean that's a gorilla. Why isn't it an army that goes to the house of poor? Do you have much cost to fucking have a zoo and have that cage and defeat it and much less than a wig? If you're saying this I hope you never you never go to the zoo then. Look ever I like never taking a kid to the zoo ever. I like the zoo, but I tell him. Bobby up against a glass with the gorilla. I do feel bad for the... No, I feel bad too, but if you feel that bad,

that you're like, how about we don't do this, then you can't support, you can't give them your money. Yeah, but I'm saying that the people that are actually saying this poor endangered species had to die because of parents. On his birthday, by the way. Parents, was that right? Was that birthday? How did they stop killing?

I don't think so. I swear to God. What kind of party hat? How did they get it? How do they know what's his birthday? They had a barbecue or a birthday drink for him. His cousins were there, it was crazy. My point is this.

It's not, I don't think the parents, I don't think it's their fucking fault. I really don't think it's their fault. I don't think that it's, like you said, I put a fence around my backyard because we'd be talking, back to be right there, and all of a sudden we'd be talking, and then he'd be on the neighbors' lawn. And fucking a second, you're like, what the fuck? It's almost like magic.

You like, this can't happen. Well, you also take him to a zoo, and you're right about that. They shouldn't have it to make it to where a fucking kid could get into the cage. It's like, you want to be. There should be no way. I bought my son to the Children's Museum yesterday, OK?

At one point, and I'm like one of these parents that's hovering over my kid all the time. I'm a foot. I really got to stop doing that, because I'm going to make him do a pussy. But like, you let him run run around and you let him have fun You know I'm saying when you're bringing a kid to a zoo they want to run from exhibit to exhibit They want it you're not gonna hold their hand but the whole time you're in a zone

But you're you got to have your eyes on them 100% of the time right? I mean it must take a while to crawl into need there should not be I agree with that No opportunity for any human being to fall into a, I agree with that. You should be no opportunity for any human being to fall into a fucking gorilla pit. I agree with that. But if you're a kid, if you're out in New York City, let's say, another dangerous place, and the kid,

The coolest everywhere, and the kid on the train, and the kid, Your kid's in the Millenix X Avenue. Show to town. Show to town. And your kid is in the Millenix X Avenue. Bobby.

Bobby. I'm trying to focus on me forget what the nine meeting that's happened on other side of me. There's Jesus for rigging. There's no nipper wadwood. There's no wadwoods. Robbos focus. Yes. Forget the fucking Aryan's here.

They do have Aryan's faces. They do. Can you put just me and Joe on camera please? You're on six your kid ends up in sixth avenue. You're out in the city, you're walking around. You and Don, you have a special day. The kids in the middle of six avenue. Who's fault is that? Hold on a timeout, but that's a little different

because when you're on the streets of New York City, you do have to hold your kids hand. But as soon as you do, that's not the end of the novel. It could be creep-o-fucking weirdos. You got to be an eyesight at least. Yeah, eyesight, but it's not a good analogy. Okay, Central Park then, and he's in the fucking... Yeah, Central Park, my kid's hand goes. But you're keeping an eye on him, because central park then and he's in the fucking yeah central Parker let my kids hand

Go but you're keeping an eye on them because it could be something Jason can I could pick him up and I love Joseph it was Joseph hold on say it was a spurt day Joseph yes, here's the deal you just draw it You're at a zoo you're at an exhibit okay like me and Max went to the Tampa zoo and there's an exhibit a snake exhibit a big Fucking Boas and they're inside this thing. Yeah, my he runs up to the thing and there's an exhibit snake exhibit a big fucking boars they're inside this thing might he runs up to the thing and he's sitting there just what he loves snakes he's sitting there watching snakes he's going from back and forth i'm not gonna sit there and hold his hand hold time i'm not saying hold his

hand is not a good time is not saying hold his hand you have an eye on him i have an eye on him there's no way for him to get into the exhibit if there is a dude this guerrilla pit, apparently, there was a fucking way for a baby or a child to fall into the pit.

He went up and over, correct? Yeah. That shouldn't be an option. I thought he went under. And no parent knows that. I think he was under too. I think he crawled underneath the thing. I did know there was a way for my kid to get into a girl.

First of all, I would have my I would get I'd be holding his hand at that point. You assume that it's safe enough that you could let your kids hand go. You got another kid over here screaming and fucking crying

for milk. You're looking over there because this other kids run over here. School trips go to they have two or three people, shaperones that come in. They have 30 kids. You think they're holding

everyone's hands? If there's a fucking, if there's one second that a kid might go in there over this through that, you should eliminate that. There should be no opportunity. I agree. So fuck the zoo. I have to present. That's who killed the fucking gorilla.

The zoo, if I have a shitty exhibit where a kid can somehow get in there. And they could have shot him in the leg. No, they couldn't, because he would have got pissed and fucking use that kid as a hammer. Duh! But 100%, but like there's also, there's also fucking ways for a guy to come and grab your kid and fucking take him away. There's also ways for a kid to walk in front of a street

or fucking car and get hit. And you gotta keep an eye to make sure that doesn't happen. Yeah, no shit. But it's two different scenarios, dude. You're talking about being at a zoo where you're supposed to that be a better Zooge is pedophiles and the exhibits Not the racist one

I'm trying to pedophile I just don't I don't think the powers yeah, I mean dude, but stop okay the gorilla's fucking dead. I'm okay with the gorilla being dead, but okay I mean I'm bummed to gorilla duck, but I'm not like a guy It's like well you gotta kill the fucking kid or the parents or anything I just I'm not saying the parents should go to jail or I don't want to fucking fight him or kill him But I'm like you got a fucking keep it on a good no matter where you are cuz something back The kid it has to take a mountain amount of time It's like oh just open you walked in a second take seconds to go all the way down and then I mean fucking jumped over a little Rail and fell into a gorilla I heard that he went under so I don't even know where he doesn't matter He shouldn't he shouldn't be able to but let shouldn't be able to fucking sneak into a

Viler of facts of how long it's the argument is very distinct people that have children and people that don't have children That's the dividing line. I don't think so. No, no, no There's a lot of parents that are like fuck those parents my kid would never I think that's the opposite I think where you have to know I Everyone is talking about this online is people that don't have kids. Yeah, no It's like dude a third you'll see tomorrow. We'll bring my son to Central Park roll I'm such a park a bunch of comics Bob were you invited? I'll be there, but it was not a fight. Are you kidding? I was not I was not I got the Scopo you didn't invite Bob invited Berg as well

I have You trash my fucking picnics so hard non-stop. It's all you Of course I was gonna invite you after I got my money You trash my picnic publicly Dear I hope this letter finds you you live the living Westchester you fucking hate zoos But you support them you only a grand and I was gonna invite you and I invited Lewis I said I'm sorry for even mentioning it, Bob, but you have to sit at the table with Lewis if you go everybody

Everybody that I invited said invite whoever I said invite whoever you're under the guise of whoever was you did not invite him personally You are whoever you've had an orange affair. It was already idea already told me to do the legwork Oh, and he got me on TV. I'm all right. I'm good. I'm good. Thanks The barbecue it's tomorrow barbecue on Sundays not happening guys It's what's wrong with your eye? Why's your eye twitching the barbecue is not happening scope. Sorry. I had a cancel So don't show up. What are you getting your eye dude? It's sorry, it's closing So don't show up. What are you getting your eye dude? It's Sorry, it's closing. Yeah, dude. The barbecue Sunday is off. Oh geez. All right. I couldn't make it anyway It's cuz I'm working in Louisville cuz I need to make some money cuz I'm a odobunch, but

Yeah, it's It's that's that's ridiculous. Yeah, the people that's it. Yeah, it's almost ridiculous It's almost fucking I gotta start on Bob. I mean, the fact, the fact, I mean literally, I took you out of obscurity and put you in front of everybody. You've been doing comedy for 22 years. Nobody knew who you were. That's true.

You don't know. Good, good, ballroom. Oh, my God. I mean, it's one thing, are you doing that, man? Balloons, balloons. I remember balloons, you're touching. I remember you're picking, Balloons are you? Balloons are you? Are you having pictures? Are you having pictures? You dumb pic.

Are you? Have you ever been home? So you're on the show and you invite your new friend, your new show friend, are you? Excuse me, Bobby, the drink you spilled all over your stuff is dripping all over me. Yeah, well, maybe it should. He turned a corner on his finger.

Got a half hour now. He doesn't even look back. Are you on are show? I'm out. All right, I think I might have texted you, actually. Let me see. You did not. You did not. You texted you, actually. Let me see. You did not.

You did not text me. You did not mail me. You fucking shun me. I will, can I say this though? Yes, can I say this? Yes. As an objective judge here, you guys are even now. Just be cool with it.

You didn't hang out with him in LA. He had to apologize. You didn't invite him to the picnic. It's a lot on the table. You texted? I will call you when I'm done. That was the last text. I didn't invite him to the picnic. It's a lot on the table. You texted I will call you when I'm done. That was the last text. I didn't hear anything back after that. I'm glad I didn't I'm glad I did I'm glad I didn't text anything back because I'd be crushed today But now I'm not that crushed. He really did text Joey hate you

It'll be a great time. Yeah, are you going them all? Yeah, I'm going to go. Oh, you're invited. Yeah. Yeah, it's them. Are people invited? No. They'll be hilarious, though. He's invited to my party that's not happening on Sunday. Oh, good to know.

Probably you got here. I checked out. It keeps twitching, dude. I'm going to come to your party and bring you some cigars. Um, Joe, what? No, I was going to come to the camera. If I'm not there, just drop off at the, there's

a mailbox out front. Sunday. No, you can come, dude. Of course you can. Robert, I knew I was going to see you today. Hey, dummy. Of course you can come. Hey, Lauren, you're invited.

You can come. Thanks. We're like a bikini or something. I'm really fucking hurt, dude. I was going to tell you. I can't believe you did. But here's the thing. I, a, figured you were mad at me because of LA when you didn't get back

to me or anything, the lunch. And then also, I don't know if you remember this, but we dedicated 37 episodes to you trashing my fucking picnic, bro. The balloons, the double loons, they were too low. This time you bite by me and show him how much better it's gonna be. And I texted a lot of close friends instead invite whoever. I'm not a fucking whoever. What do you mean?

You're a fucking original. Whatever. I'm gonna be a hero whoever, dude. But I was gonna invite you today because I knew I was gonna see. I'm like, and you don't like Tex. He wasn't. He was, he was like, I mentioned it.

You hate Tex. He's lying. No, that's a thing, I like. He's lying to your face. No, I don't, I like you more than Bobby. But I can't watch you, I can't watch you lie to the man. I was gonna tell you at the end of this. I don't I like you more than Bobby, but I can't watch you I can't watch you Why do I have a man? I was gonna tell you at the end of this I don't I wish I wish you were in that gorilla cage Oh, I wish I was the guy with the gun and I wouldn't have killed the gorilla

I would have let him fucking slam you around like a fucking like a banana Yeah, you probably would I would yeah, you wouldn't even notice I was in there unless it was an LLA it wasn't an L.A that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that Well, I don't invite anybody to anything. You don't have anything. You had parties? This is why I said... Lewis has a guy lunch at least once a year. You've been invited to that. The first Monday of the year. You've invited me. I know.

You've invited me a bunch of times. All dudes. We just fucking eat me at the Brazilian safehouse for fucking... Love it. I'm never inviting me, Lewis. I'm sorry I haven't been able to go. I would never not invite you to that.

Thank you, buddy. You're my friend. Once you get off your phone. I'm at the V-Cut. I'm having, never go. Bob, I would never not invite you to that. Thank you buddy. You're my friend. Once you get off your phone. I'm at the V-Cut. I'm having a together tomorrow if you want to join. Lunch, lunch, wanna do lunch? Sounds good, call me when I'm done. Never hear back.

Yeah, well, you wouldn't want to tell. I apologize. I apologize and you accepted it. I'm sorry that I hadn't yet invited you. I didn't invite you because I said Aaron. Tell whoever. Here's the problem with you. Tell whoever's the problem with you. Tell whoever you want. I'm Bobby, and I'm the dude. Am I't invite you because I said Aaron. Tell whoever. Here's the problem with you. Tell whoever's the problem with you.

Tell whoever you want. Bobby, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I But they blew, blew, blew. Dude, look at this fucking poop. You're Bobby, where are you? What's in the top? Boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom. Buddy, Bobby, was drawing my hair. Thought maybe you called. This is a good thing.

This is a good thing. I was worried about you. It was an hour. You had one that was, you called me a whale. No, you had a photo of a whale. And you said, no, that was hilarious. I go whale uh... you had a photo of a whale and you see that was hilarious i go i said this is a good stuff i said a picture of my poop

all that what i wrote it was pretty funny i think i wrote one ago fishing and i took a picture of this poop that looks a fish hook which is hilarious and then uh... you wrote dude and i wrote question mark and you wrote dude again and i wrote no good, and you wrote dude again, and I wrote no good.

Question mark. I was sitting down with Max about to have food, and that comes up on my phone, and then Max goes poopy. And I went, ugh. So I wrote back dude, because I was about to eat. And he sent him a picture. And I wrote, I'm sorry, I thought you would like it. This is perfect j-sh-sh.

And then I wrote, I know you didn't like the last picture of one of my dumps, but you gotta see this one. It's insane, and then I posted this picture. didn't like the last picture of one of my dumps but you gotta see this one it's insane and i posted this picture what is it it's a whale it's a whale underwater with bubbles coming out of it yeah it's classically funny and then you know what his response was

uh... i don't know has responded yet that was February eight and then February eleven three days later i wrote nothing on that text i couldn't stop laughing you You've changed But bro hashtag bully, you know what his response was? Zilch Come here, Marley. Why would I respond to somebody who's calling me a bully? Who's a bully? He's a fucking nerd Well, you also a chisler so you're probably on your boat somewhere Tuesday

Tuesday March 8th. He's trying to serve us on his boat while he's gambling with women Tuesday, March 8th I'm trying to call you, but it's going straight to voicemail in your box. It's full. I hope you're not dead. He's trying to serve us on his boat while he's gambling with women Tuesday March 8th. I'm trying to call you But it's going straight to voicemail in your box is full. I hope you're not dead. You're talking to Lauren No response So I'm saying you wish it's making me get it. I'm not all fucking put my dick in you So deep what about this April 5th? I write you around four or five inches Go it's around five inches and that says deep as it goes First time I fucking I'm gonna fucking rock

Yeah, so be five and a half almost We have to tie fucking yard rope around your nuts and pull from the door to make you dig I make you like it She's gonna wrap this up. I lost a friend today, but that's cool. All right. Let's let's go around the room real quick And let's go to the chat room real quick. What do we got in the chat room? Not much. Oh, that's not what I want to hear But fucking work it out improv on the fly Dear is sorry Wow deep. Wow, deep. You fucking nothing. You should get

something. All right, can you come back to me? Yes, I will. I was going to do that. You're not explaining the behind the scenes of how the show works. Uh oh, Bobby, someone else texted you and got no answer. Who? Chris Danley. Who? The guy from

Bennington. Oh, producer. Big show. I got to I'm answering him today. Yeah, he sent me he sent menington. Oh, producer, big show. I got a, I'm answering him today. Oh, yes. He sent me, he sent me a text. Yeah, buddy. Tell Chris he didn't answer my hand. Can we fucking be with this right away? Fuck text messaging.

It's for children. I'm a grown fucking man. This is why I didn't text for the party. Call me and say Bobby. It's Joe. For Bobby, it's Joe. Well, your box is full, so. My box is not full. Box is full. It's not full it's Joe. Well your box is full so my box is not full box is full. It's not full

Sometimes it is it's full Because you don't get I gotta fuck it look at all the text look at look at this. Okay, look look at all the text Mom look it look it look it look at Span and Span and we're still going Span and Span all these fucking text messages call me Fucking call do I like phone calls? He likes phone calls. I call you. You do call me and we talk and what happens. She gets done. Exactly, depo. What happened?

What can you do the thing? By the way, I want to do it. What is it? Friday. This Friday? What time? He didn't say. Final time, but yes, I'll be in the city as well.

Text him and find out what time. Tell him if Bobby doesn't do it, I gotta get on to promote my album, so I'll be there. Tell him I'll do it, and please don't bring up Aaron in my text. I will never do that. Thanks. Tell him I'll drink the almond milk and the guest is a little studio anymore. What do I got coming up? Atlanta Laughing Skull Fest next week. Listen man, this is a weird show. Come on.

Yeah, fun. I had a great time man. You're a little quiet. Yeah, I got a little bit more comfortable after a bit. Yeah, you did. I had a fucking bunch of rowdy fucks on and Joe usually is a sniper, but today he was just an attacker and an abuser. He abused me today. I apologize for the abuse. Oh no, it's a blast man. I got attacked today on all fronts and I lost a friend. So maybe me and you could be friends. You were friends with that gorilla? I'll stick around. That was okay.

Hey dude, thanks for coming on. What's your Twitter? At Tyler Morrison 1. And what's your website? Tyler Morrison.ca. And what is your next shot? What's he what is it? Oh? Can't idea. Why would you choose that? Okay, no someone squatting on the dot com someone just do Tyler Morrison comedy dot com. Oh, no just don't see the government don't

Can you is it less money to do C.A. No, no, it's just probably the same. How long you've been in New York? I just got in yesterday, so I'm doing New York comedy club tonight. I'm going to do a spot. Are you from, you just living Canada now? Yeah, I'm from Canada. That's great, man. So you're going back when? Friday.

And we got a bunch of people from Toronto, the listen to the show, and I mean, 10 and all that. So you're near Toronto. Yeah. And where's your club there? That's the Yuck Yucks downtown Toronto club. I actually went there. What a cool club. It's great club, man. Yuck Yucks are good club. You play Yuck Yucks downtown Toronto Club. I actually went there, what a cool club. It's great club, yeah. Yuck Yucks a good club, you play Yuck Yucks, right?

Or dead yeah. Yeah, I like Yuck Yucks. Yeah, it's a good chain. They got clubs all across the country. Yeah, that's like their main chain, like that's their improv, right? Yeah, the right. Who's the guy on set?

Mark Brezzlin. Is he a nice guy? Yeah, he's been good to me. Yeah, that's great. You have to say that if they book you. Well, no, I mean, what's good for you is good. I say that, you know, about the clubs that book me. Yeah. That's great. You have to say that if they book you. Well, now, I mean, what's good for you is good. You know, I say that, you know, about the clubs that book me, but like I just started to do it's probably true. I just started working with his clubs probably, well, I guess it last

September. So I've been doing stand-up on my own independently and then started doing this. And are you from great? Are you from you guys are friends from Canada? And you know, we are yaks. And Yacht Kex, okay, cool man. Lewis, what do you got besides whatever the fuck you do? Turn it on right now. All right, I'm gonna go to Aaron and I'll come back this time. Oh yeah, all right, I'm good.

Ahem. Would you rather turn her on or give your avails? It's fine, I'll give my avails. Guys, it's not my avails. I know, I just wanted to see if you gave the avails. Shit, guys, my shit. Go on as comedy.com. Go on man, it's comedy.. I know, I just wanted to see if you gave me a avail. Shit, guys, my shit. Your Ibrows.com. Gomez, come on.

Your Ibrows are fading. You need to get Ibrow plugs. What's my problem with my Ibrows? They're fading, they're falling out. The older people get, you always is falling out. Hey, Rebecca, I'll call you right back. Say Rebecca, we're back home. We're back home.

Yeah, say sound. We're on Wike and I'll be a hold on. Put on our speaker phone, bro. Of course you did. Okay back. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on.

We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on.

We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on.

We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're on.

We're on. We at 9 p.m. Realized podcast Wednesdays at noon with myself in scope on Chris Tinkle and Zach Amiko. Also check out the countdown serious XM rush 93 every Thursday 6 p.m. Eastern standard time with myself and Michael Bissping and Skankfest 2016 is here. We're ready to fucking rock Joe Liss is on it Aaron Burg is on it Bob Kelly's fucking one of the major acts that are on the show Bob don't even I mean I'm gonna peg you in the face. Why if you don't make that face Are you releasing fair months what was that face? I'm actually it okay? Did you fart will figure it out? You're on the fuck that's a figure it out. No, he listen to me What's this don't fuck with me? I'm going to be a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a

little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a

little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a Yep, sorry 18th and 19th of June plus big J's one hour special is premiering on the 17th at midnight promoting big J I'm not done fuckface if you have VIP passes to skankfest You'd to come to the launch party on Friday night at the craft your phone you fucking let me fucking fucking finish my fucking plugs Don't ever raise a hot coffee Aaron used to have plugs If you get skankfest and my CV VIP passes you can come to the kickoff party Friday night at the Creek in the cave where we will be premiering J. Special that's airing that night you get to hang out watching with all of us. Ben and Tenzing on a fucking set on the show. All right.

Free balloon animals for the kids. Mark Norman, Mike Lauren, Samarral. All right dude we get it. Mike Lauren Semarrell. All right, dude. We get it. You asked for you. Rich boys fucking everybody's ever done the show. I'm promoting Skankfest. What you don't do Bob? You can catch me up. I can't do it. You don't do it. You don't do it. All right. So guys, I got open in the mornings also the Anthony Cumin Show. I'm gonna give friends now. Channel 45 comedy set. I don't know. I know. I know going to be with my friends now. Channel 45.

Comedy set. I don't know. I know. I think Anthony took down. You're Mike Sean. Is it? Is it? Hello.

I feel like they put a lot of the shit behind them. How do you know that? Anthony took down the Torpet Sloth t-shirt line that he had. Maybe it wasn't selling anymore. But then Anthony also said that he's going to do. What do you say? He just said something about them being cool now and I know when he Was in rehab. I'll be tweeted out something really nice. Oh good. But that would make me so happy if they go back together. I don't think

I mean, but back to you know, be him friends again. Did each other shows re reunited the fan base too. So it wasn't such a split You know down the middle where with him and where with you know, I'll be can do that too, buddy. Yeah, no, it's not gonna You know down the middle, where with him and where with you know, I hope we can do that too buddy. Yeah, no it's not gonna That's a wrap you'll get your money that you did all the matters to you. You'll get that Maybe you can I can bring it tomorrow to the barbecue. Yeah, I'll give it to you. Yeah, I'll give it to you. You'll get it Thank you. He's not tomorrow. I'll picnic. I'm sorry Is it my turn? No, not yet Fuck was it gonna say to you Lewis. I had something I was oh, Bizz Bing he's fighting for the title. Yes, that are you night What do you think put a hundred dollars on him? He's a plus 700 underdog?

You put a hundred dollars for me. You really want me to no, I don't You don't want this chisler only a hundred bucks Dude, I thank you huge thanks coming on dude. Thank you brother. Yeah, and you say and I'm going to be $100. I'm going to be $100. Dude, I'm fucking huge. Thanks coming on, dude. Thank you, brother. Yeah, and you say, and I'm happy. It sounds like you're doing great. Yeah, it's coming together. You're doing good, man.

You've grown up a lot in the last year. Yeah. You've become a very, you've kept your edge. Yeah. You've kept away your arm, but you've, Sober, three months. You're a nice, you're a nicer guy. You're not as as insecure and angry.

You're a baguette. Yep, see? Thanks. Mm-hmm. I love you, Lewis. not as as uh... insecure and agitated and a bag it yep see thanks i love you lose not you bob i love you man not you bob i love you no i love you man no i love you

i love you too i love you too i feel you what do you got Aaron? that's the song from the Titanic. We got it. Canadian. My brand new album, unscripted available on iTunes right now.

My book's Mr. Manners and American Etica. You can get them on Amazon, Barnes and Noble. My Twitter is at Aaron Bird Comedy. My brand new podcast with Gina Biscanti on the Kumia Network airs Wednesdays as soon as Legion of Skanks leaves. That shouldn't be annoying. Yeah. And then Gina Biscanti on the Kumia Network. There's Wednesdays, as soon as Legion of Skanks leaves. That shouldn't be annoying. Yeah. And then Gina Biscanti.

Are you competing with us on Wednesdays? Are you on Wednesdays? What time is your show? What time is your show? 9 p.m. We'll go at 9. And then they're taking your place. Nobody wants you.

They're taking your place. Yeah, they're taking our place. No, I'm not sure what they are. Gina was good on the radio. Gina's unbelievable. I'm the biggest, I'm not sure what they are. She knows good on the radio. She knows unbelievable. I'm the biggest fan of Aaron and Gina. There are no other things. I like Aaron.

I like Gina on other things. I'll never have him on the show again. If you care about the product, it's very annoying. But if you sit back and watch it as a fan, it's hilarious. Yeah, I cannot, I will never have him on the show again. Why? I just, he stinks.

He doesn't shut the fuck up yeah he's just an annoying he's like a woodpecker fucking stinks yeah but I like you know a lot yeah yeah like talking about Lewis go ahead yeah what else is going on I'll be a Caroline's on Broadway June 23rd be at laugh it up comedy club and Pekip see June 25th and August 25th I'll be at the exotic porn convention in Columbus. How many people do you think listen to the show? All right, I'm out of Jesus Christ What do you got dude? Bobby is keeping me. Yeah, what do you got? Come on? Which is going back to Toronto? I have the run of yucky. I'm doing you run it. Yeah, you're ever run the shows coming up with

I'm about to weekend. Okay. Can you work on the accent just become more American you know I said it pretty brutal backwards nice having you on dude we get a podcast too called rude dudes podcast rude dudes cool man I'll check it out man what is it on just uh rude dudes calm iTunes what is it yeah it's on iTunes rude dudes CA deeper what do you got uh Got some chat room stuff if you want. Sure. Probably requests for my plugs. GG says Gary Goldman. Maybe. Greg Gutfeld. Possibly. Gary Eddie. He says Bobby only interrupts Louis or Lewis during his plugs. Yeah. Very disrespectful. Yeah. Well, I do it because it's our thing.

Yeah, he got a plug at least. Good. The only time Bobby's box is once full of donuts. We all fault that nobody said it. Yeah, because you're not hacks. That was that was too easy. Low hang in donuts. Christ killer says Bobby can't go to the zoo

because every time he tries to leave, they sound the alarm. That's not bad. It was close. It was there. I felt like it was having little it was a little too. Is it my reading it? Having Deepu be the vehicle for that joke was just bad.

Yeah, but no, it was a little too wordy. I think he's a good filter for jokes because he, if it's good, it will, it has to be really good to be funny. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because he'll take a, okay, joke and just bury it. His arm is making me want to puke. What the hell?

I know, I got the joke. I actually had one of my arms shaved and Bobby was a lot nicer to me for like that, first, like that couple of weeks. I think he just, this is disgusting. He just called you racist, bro. Okay. Good. Me?

Sorry. I mean, did you get all just attacking Bob? Is there anything else was said? It's a lot of stuff. Just attacking me, is that it? No, we got a racist thing. Yeah. Terrific.

What is this? The head of Comedy Central. Lewis will never work on this network. Yeah. Yeah. Jim's jam set. That's an old one. What is it? The head of Comedy Central Lewis will never work on this network Giz Jam says old one Giz Jam says some blacks got in my pool now I have to drain the Nicaragua Can you block that person? That's just a terrible idea. Can you send that person to my information to contact us? Accommodate a network, please. Yeah, fucking Christ man. How do you write that?

All right scoped. What do you got? June 30th, Louis. What we doing June 30th? We're doing a gig. Are we yeah, shouldn't he know it as the guy that's supposed to promote your gig Feel yeah, June 30th guys New Jersey We did the guy actually hit me up yesterday. So I'm a Caroline's and he he was like are you doing a gig? Oh, it's fucking amphitheater Ampitheater? What's an amphitheater? Soar room a camera line. What the fuck? I don't know what that's what he said an amphitheater.

What's an amphitheater? Yeah, it's a guy. I don't know. An outdoor big guy. 22 people in an amphitheater. Hello! All right. Was that all you got? Uh, yeah, and then your dates right here. Wait, I didn't ask for those yet. Lauren, what's your, tell the fan what you got? Uh, at Lauren Cubera, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

I get a bang. No, I, I, the joke, make out with me. Just a kiss. No. Lauren, can I get a fair deal? I'm getting married and I'm going to have a bachelor party. And I think I can get like one last thing. No. Lauren, can I get it a fair deal? Lauren. I'm getting married and I'm going to have a bachelor party and I think I can get like one

last thing. Do you want to be that thing? We'll talk about it. So wait a minute. Can I ask you one question, Lauren? Out of Lewis or Aaron, who would you want to date with? I'm not answering these questions. Why?

You can answer. What? You can answer the question. Just say which one would it be? So you like Lewis you go? I don't know. I would you go on a date with them? Would you want a date with them? I'm not now We're not even make out with that just a quick make out session sexual pleasure What do you do? Is your pants in a make out? I get turned on to them. I love making out

Yeah, we do me to when you get older Three-way dude make out What else we got people want to send stuff here? What are they gonna do? me to when you get older. We do three way dude make it out. What else we got? People want to send stuff here. What are they going to do? YKWD producer at rycast.com. You can email us stuff, fan stuff for the shelves.

And the address. And the address, 117 McDougal Street. Yeah, go ahead, Chris. That was at 117 McDougal Street, 1-0-0-1-2. 0's a hang on one second. We got you. One's showing his arms. So yeah, all the stuff behind us is actually from you guys.

You want to mail something to the studio. Please send it and care of YKWD, Robert Kelly. And it's all for sale. If anybody wants to buy anything, there's a price for everything. Yeah, I got to start raising money to pay Joe back. So send in stuff that Bobby can throw at Lewis. That should be fun. Like a mace. We do to get like a nerf. Wow. A mace.

A nerf gun. Did you get a nerf gun? Like you mean spray mace? Now it's thinking like that medieval weapon. Oh, the ball with the spikes on it. It works. It's more violent. It looks in the fucking head with it. All right. And what else? Oh, yeah, premium channel. Yeah, get the app. It's really cool. Yeah, get the app, it's really cool. Yeah, get the app, it's amazing. It's free, it's for iOS, it's for Android, and you can join right there. Just fill out the form, it's two seconds,

it comes right out of your phone, your iTunes, or whatever account, and you get all the premium stuff. And the latest premium thing is the video from the podcast. Yep. It's up there right now, video and audio. Only premium members get it. So go to riotcast.com ykwd slash ykwd hit the premium button just go get the app for free for your phone roba kelly you know what dude app i have an idea for selling here Bobby what's up for selling the premium i'm

being serious yeah you sell you release for free the podcast Minus my voice that's the free and then if you buy premium you get my shit right. Yeah, you sell it like hotcakes Joe, what do we go from here? Can I play a couple dates? I got nothing big it's small all I have is a Wednesday tomorrow afternoon everybody on earth is invited Central Park, sheet metal, there'll be balloons. It's a good way, a smart way to let people know where. It's gonna be very low to the ground. You probably won't be able to see them. We'll find the party and then when you go there, all the food you brought is gonna be eaten

by fucking open micers because they don't bring any food. And then you and your child and your wife will just fucking. No, you have to bring anything There's no food really yeah, I brought food last time we know Bob and you guys all I was carrying food in your book back All the other thing is I have the number one podcast on it's called Tuesdays with stories Not even the top 200 I want you a 10 million Subscribers oh from Santa Blast yeah, but that 10 million you 10 million subscribers. Oh, from Santa Blab. Yeah, 10 million. 10 million people fucking really

more subscribers than Lady Gaga. I just have 2000 people on Twitter then. Hardie hard. We got it up. We got jerking off the fucking gavel. Don't creeper show you look at me while you do it. Jesus. Yeah, so actually harassing. Oh my god That's so nice anyways. I have dates and Cincinnati and Louisville and a bunch of other places But I got Louis has his own city you try that earlier No, I don't know if you guys heard it. We heard it We got it and they literally made me throw up in my mouth the second time. Do you know what literally means? But yeah come out because

Literally means I don't have a lot of work. I'm just I'm a little low on money right now What are you gonna do? Yeah, I'm gonna throw parties in the other place. I can't a free space I'm gonna stay I'm gonna do the mall. I'm gonna stay on my right With me the show no, I'm gonna write I'm gonna write the show. Why don't we pick up? We were left off Why are you fucking pick it? Well, I gotta pay you I gotta make right I'll go to show why don't we pick up we were left up why you fucking pick up I gotta pay you I gotta make sure I pay you for your final draft first I Can really use for the draft by the way Yeah, we're gonna show together. I'll pay half

Won't you invite me to write a show with you no Bobby just offer and then don't What Aaron what I want to say a big thank you for coming out and doing that fundraiser and we raised a whole bunch of money for Fort McMurray and it was sent to those people in Canada so thanks for doing that I know you get a long time about how much you Jew your money and don't share with your friends And I just appreciated you donating your time to that charity. So thank you very unchisler Thanks Joe. Don't don't atting your time charity so thank you very unchiseler like thanks Joe don't don't nutting your time I were gonna wrap it up nothing look at donuts come on that was something pretty good don't

nothing your time people what do you got anything uh... twitter instagram are too deep it that's it I make sure you guys follow all the comics that are on the show today on their social media and if you see them live go check them out and make sure you tell them you heard about them on the YKWD support all these guys when they do their shows and give it up for Joe List for you know being such a fucking friend today. Yeah great friend I try to hook up and hang out and press the turn off button. Is it off? You guys the best fans? I'll give my dates. Go ahead.

Okay, June 18th has of independence asbury park. Big show. Huge. Huge show. Asbury park. Let's fill this up. Go ahead. June 24th, 25th.

McGuire is Bohemia New York. We'll know the 24th you're at the brokerage. Oh, sorry. It says McGuire is the brokerage. I'm at the brokerage. All right. And then the first through The aethy'll be in Aruba a Ruba baby

I got a bunch of new shows coming out again I said the tour coming out and on the fall and then there's a bunch of the dates coming out to so I hope you guys buy the tickets and go to my website robbercatlive.com and they'll tell you when I'm gonna be in And then around doing shows around you you guys are the best fans of the world. Thanks so much for listening. You guys in the live chat room. You guys are the best. Go fuck yourselves and I love it. You know what? There. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening.

Now go back to your shitty jobs. Y han ido a la WD Podcast. Gracias por escuchar. Ahora, dígate a tu chile. Chile. Check out riotcast.com por todos los más podcasts de la internet. Y todos los más fríos. Y todos los más fríos. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás!

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