Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Cowboy Chick

Episode Date: October 22, 2018

Bobby’s back and Rocky Dale Davis, Ian Fidance and Joe List are with him! What’s the real South, what’s sexuality really, and what’s good or bad for this planet? We don’t know, but we talk about it anyway! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet earth. This is going to be a cost-effective podcast. No rules. What are the mic-ass holes? I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a microphone? Oh, that's so fun.

That was trying to keep it like a comic-ass. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, yapping sometimes. It's hilarious sometimes. It's having no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin. That's how it all holds the stars you love.

I don't want to do anything. My podcast is popular enough where I might affect some of these lines. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on flightcast.com. Back in the saddle, I'm back in the seat. The YKWD, yes, I'm here. Last week, Mo filled it for me. Some of you didn't like it. Some of you loved it and wanted him to stay.

And if he wasn't so popular, I would let him. I would definitely just take a percentage of the show and move on with my life. And I'm kidding. I want to thank all you guys who came out to side-splitters. I was with Mike Calta all weekend. We're going to do a couple things. Mike Calta, fucking most generous guy in the world, one of my, probably the best friend, my best friend right now, number one friend.

One number one friend, above all. Above all. He's fat. He's, yeah. I didn't say heaviest friend. All right. He's got he's yeah. I didn't say heaviest friend. All right. He's actually got to. He's the same thing. I like him. I don't want to hear that. He's a fuck yeah. He's not he wouldn't be upset with you. He's fantastic guy. I did his cruise. And then we did size put

as me in Lewis Jay Gomez. Great weekend. Sold out all the shows put as me in Lewis J Gomez, great weekend, sold out all the shows. And it was great. And I sold out all the shows and I didn't put an ad up going sold out because it doesn't make sense. Like these fucking guys. You waited to say it on your podcast. Yeah, I waited till it was all over. I didn't say it the night of like, Hey, buy tickets.

You don't need to promote a show that sold out. I've done that before. And then I'm like, why am I? Why am I putting an ad? I just want everybody to know that I sold out a show that sold out. I've done that before and then I'm like, why am I putting an ad, I just want everybody to know that I sold out. The night I sold out, anyways, Louis killed it. Somebody wrote his act. Um, no. Whoever wrote Loses do our,

if you come out, I will give you $1,000. I'm telling you Kim is funny man. Kim's great. God damn it, I love Kim, I love her mom, I love her sister, even her weird stepdad, fucking good guy. Hang on with all of them this weekend. Great weekend, so thank you Tampa, thank you all the podcast, so many podcast listeners.

And I get, I'm truly getting old because people walking up like a big fan of the podcast, I'm like, yeah, but you're old. And I'm like, oh, wait a minute, you're my age because I'm 48, it was my birthday last week. Thanks for the message. Yeah, thanks for the message. Well, yeah.

What? You made me something. Yeah. So do you want to reneg on your fucking... First of all, don't ever use the word, we don't say that anymore. You're a reneger. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh my Lord, let it be known. Oh, so this is from... From all of us. From all of us. From all of us. Who?

Here? All of us here. Oh, is this just, okay. It's not that expensive. I know, I know, but it's from legitimate, look at me. All of us. Yeah, we all wanted to like get you at least get you a card. So you just made your card instead.

Oh, okay. Happy birthday, there's a snail, I don't know what that is, but I kinda like it. And there's some desert and there's a rock and some flowers, I'll show you guys at home. Oh, that's very nice. That's nice. We know that you did that.

Happy birthday, Bobby, there's a dinosaur. Okay. nice. We know that you did that. Happy birthday, Bobby. There's a dinosaur. Okay. You are the wind beneath my wings. That's what I love you. That's for me on the bottom. I can tell by the lips. Look, I drew a V-cut.

He did. Oh, that's that was your lips. I actually got your present and just is not here yet. Oh. I got you. Get it shipped to your house. Thanks. You don't care about you. I got you. Get in, ship to your house. Thanks. You don't care about you, you know.

You don't know my address, but that's cool. Thanks. I got it from your agent, dude. Oh, did you? I did. All right, here we go. All right, let's, I gotta go through this real quick, guys. Please bear with us the, the ads, the sponsors of the show, really amazing people.

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Get your first three meals free at blueapren.com. So you can get three meals. You need meals. Yeah, exactly. And it takes away the hassle, man. You can get, you can get, I fucking love his voice. It's so, it's southern, but not scary southern. Yeah, no. It's like welcome. It's like, what's up? but not scary Southern. Yeah, it's like, welcome.

It's like, what's up? You want some tea, you know? Yeah, some tea or blue apron. If you have any blue apron, I'd come in for a little meal. You can get some girl. You can cook some filet chicken manuel. You know what I'm saying? Chicken manuel?

Well, it's not that bright. I mean, it does feel like fucking stereotype. I mean, first three meals of free with blueapen.com slash dude. That's blueapen.com slash dude. That's blueapen.com slash dude. That is blueapen.com slash dude. If you're a friend of the show, I want you right now to go to blueapen.com slash dude and get your first three meals free with blueapen.

A better way to cook. It's amazing. We also, I'm telling you this right now, what is my own at? You know what's not, you know what, let me ask you a question. You know what's not smart, Joe? I know a few things. Yeah, go ahead name a couple Republicans. What the f you're a Republican almost What are you talking about with the conversations I have with you? You're more center right than left

Whoa, I had passed wow I just I enjoy I don't like political correctness. That's it. That's right now. I'll reneg if I have to. Oh! Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, booking your flights last minute. Yep, Cosmine. Is that something? Yeah. What about you? What's not smart? Not getting blue apron. We'll pass that to you.

Pass that. Yeah, we'll pass that. What's not smart? Not having a good resume. Yeah, that's a good one too. I'll tell you this, job sites that overwhelm you with tons of the wrong resumes. Nice.

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Number what? Number one. Number one. Like this one. One of. by employees in the U.S. this rating comes from hiring sites on trust pilot with over a thousand reviews. Well right now my listeners you all you set of a bitches with trucks and vans and little all you crafty women in your side bedroom because your kid

moved out and you got nothing in your all. I'll make my own jewelry. Yeah. And all it's too overwhelming. I got a I got a warrant on my hand because I work so hard because I didn't know it's going to be so successful. Go to plan parenthood. They'll take your warts off. I told you not to do that. What? I told you. Oh God. Listen, here's the deal. They do more than other things is what he's saying. So here's the deal. They do more than other things is what he's saying. So here's the deal, Zippercuda right now. You can go there, if you're my listener for free at this exclusive web address,

zipercuda.com slash what dude? That zipercuda.com slash W H A T D U D E. What dude? That's it, zipercuda.com slash what dude? It's the smarter way to hire. zipercuda.com slash what dude. There we go smarter way to hire. Zippercuited.com slash what dude. There we go We got a great show. We got Ian finance. We got Joe list the fucking reg. Is there new Annunciation of your name. No, it's finance finance. He just goes with it. I want to make sure I get people's names right like did you know that

Who's the kid the Italian kid? I want a Vona Alex Pavona. Yeah, no, no, it's Pavona., the Italian kid, Povone? Alex Povone. No, it's Povone. It's Povone. What? Yeah, like Corleone. I thought it was Povone, the whole time. He doesn't have that. His name I'd like to get right before you fucking stepped on the flow.

Rocky Dale Davis is also here too. And that's his home land. Oh, baby. Yeah. We got Becky. We got Mike. We got Zach. And of course, Muah.

I am back fresh from a week and a half away Very excited that stuck in the tropical storm was the trouble storm became hurricane cat for Michael yeah, and now I'm back Joe. How you doing? I'm doing great It's good to see I really followed along on your stories and I was jealous I would have liked to have gone to Bush Gardens the crews seem fun. I like Caltago on the show Yeah, the crews was have you been on the crews anybody? No, I would have liked to have gone to Bush Gardens. The crews seem fun. I like Caldda go on the show. Yeah, the crews was, have you been on the crews anybody? No. I've worked like seven of them.

You work them like you guys. It's comedy. Yeah, not those though. Like these are different, very different. I've never been on a cruise. Ever. You've just cruised around the part. I just cruise.

Yeah. I've been on a different type of cruise. Hey, Bobby, drop me off at the pool hall. Why? It's like it This is 1982. Who plays pool? I do. The bunch of other guys in fucking Donnery jackets.

I can't take them Lincoln. Yeah, pool is for really gay guys at Asians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I corner-buck at my ass. We, uh, so yeah, you've So I corner bugged my ass. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. We, uh, so yeah, you've been up, what'd you work with?

I did. As a comic book with Ralphie, would you know? No, I did, I did, I worked on my own. I did, um, I did, um, I did, that's from my girlfriend. I met her on a cruise cruise and Hanson. I did two that went out of West Palm Beach and then I did, uh, two NCL. Whether they went, um, they went out of, uh, they went out of West Palm too. They went to like Mexico and stuff. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, to they went to like Mexico and stuff What what what what what what what a what cruise line in C.L. What's that it's like an Norwegian cruise lines

But they don't even go to Norwegian that doesn't make any sense Um I'm just saying they don't go to Norwegian. Yeah, I don't know like why would they call it Norwegian cruise lines if you go to Fuck in Mexico. That's not in fucking Mexico. I mean because the companies from no no way and I was in Norway yesterday. Really? Oh yeah! That looked cool too.

My story is great. Wow, that's crazy. We'll come to it later. Did you see the ships? I did see some ships. They weren't Norwegian ships. They were Mexican ships. All right, now I'll tell you.

It's not a great name. It's not a great name for a... It should be like, hey, it should be Mexico cruise ship. No No one's gonna go on Mexico cruise ship norwegian cruise line sounds And no one works on it's from norwegian. They're all like Filipino people the fucking hate like my people I love how you just you keep calling it norwegian as a country. It's great. Yeah, it is Norway Maybe like we're wrong. What do you know Mexican? It was terrible though man, it's just cuz you're on there for like a week You got wake up every day you got to do like training out like you got to go like train like it like the boat goes down You have like a certain thing you have to do it is is the fucking rooms are small, the pay is good, but the shows are not the good.

I didn't do that. I didn't do that. I didn't say the one you guys are way better. I got money. I sat at a big table, I got things brought to me. I had a balcony. Did you do stand up? Or was it just for fun?

Here's the thing, is Mike's been trying to get me on this cruise for a long time. You gotta do the cruise and I'm like, dude, I don't do well on boats. The last boat I took was the ads. I could grade a club. I know. It just was a joke. Yeah, make a joke. It's funny. We can all I can laugh at you. He's laughing. He's laughing at me.

Whatever. Whatever. You can take my laughs. I'm both sides of the same coin. Wow. Wow. Are you fighting? No, I'm not fighting.

You say you're all right. I'm not fighting. I'm not fighting. I right, whatever. Oh, you can take my laughs. I'm both sides of the same coin. Wow. Wow. Are you all fighting? No, I'm not fighting. You say you all get them through my hot coffee in your face. Anyways. Yes.

Yeah, no, it's, it's, my father said, yeah. Yes. And we did comedy the first night, me and Bert. You come out, you do 15 minutes. What comedy? That's it. And then you're done for the rest of the week. Oh my God.

But here's the problem with it. That's amazing. Because I'm a food addict. Bert is doing the sober October hijinks. So he was not drinking or using drugs or whatever he does. So he was just working out and eating like a savage. So it triggered, like I walk up and there's a hamburger thing and I'm like, what's this?

Oh, you just get hamburgers. I go, when all night, as much as you want. I said, wait a minute, stop, stop, stop, stop. I go, this hamburger's here all the way up. And then the best, it's the best cheeseburger you've ever gotten in your life. And as I walk up, the guy, you know, given hamburger french fries, hamburger french fries, I show up, the guy, you know, given hamburger french fries, hamburger

french fries, I show up, he literally hands me two hamburgers. And I go, why two? He goes, do you want to? I go, I do. But let me ask mother fucker. And I don't want them on the same bun I want if I'm having two hamburgers. I want two separate buns. And you could just go get hamburgers. Whenever you want can go tacos at dinner You can eat at you know they give you a menu. Yes appetizers on trace You can have as many on trace as you want. Yeah, so you I ordered like me and Bert were earning five on trays each Oh, wow, that sounds so good. It dude. That's amazing. It wasn't good But it was fine. You look normal. I don't feel normal. My feet still...

You look out of breath talking. Yeah, my feet still feel normal. That's where I'm at. That's where I'm at. Joey. But you know, look, it's all he walked in and I was like, oh, jeez, Bob was on a cruise. Well, yeah, I'm fine.

Yeah, I look the same amount of fat that I've been. Similar. Yeah, you really can't go up from here. For me to go, for me to make a difference, I'd have to like, literally gain another chin and I already have a couple. So I mean, I really can't progress from here. You know what I'm saying?

You well aware. Like you, you well. I well wear it. You wear it well, you know what I'm saying? You well aware. You like you? You well aware. I well wear it. You wear it well. You're good, bud. You wear it well. I don't object if you call collect. Rod Stewart, remember?

He's a singer. I know. Pringland. Yeah, here's another problem with the cruise. Is that you stuck on this thing. I would go nuts. You stuck on it all day. and we went through that trap. They told me they swore to me.

These boats are so big they don't move. They have these stabilizers, all this shit. And you know what, that's not true. I was sleeping and the fucking lamp was just swaying. Well, it's the ocean. Yeah, but when you're on that, they don't say that though. They say it's like you're good 100% and it's like no, I was on stage one night

and I was like literally leaning back and forth. Like it was like, turn. When you're on that and you're cooped up like that, do you ever think like man, it'd be fun to get fucked up right now. What do you mean, like you're drunk? Yeah. No. No. No, because I know, it's not the Titanic.

I'm getting off. I'm just fucking doing asshole. That was on Mars. Yeah, you ever own one of those cruises? You just want to paint someone? Dude, dude, dude. You ever think about giving up 30 years of sobriety because there's a little winger?

No, but I'm saying that thing pops in your head. It's like an attic. Like I just did, I was in fucking, why is crackers this fucking? I'm getting sweary. Sorry. You swear an attic. Like I just did, I was in fucking wise crackers that stuck in and you were in, you were in, you were in, you were in, you were in, you were in, I know, I know. I was in a wise crackers in Mohican sun

and I'm so happy things are going great, I'm so wonderful, but that thing comes in my head that's like, dude, it'd be fun to get fucking wrecked. Well you're talking about two different things. You're talking about having a great time at a casino and be like, oh, this is the place where you get fucked up. As opposed to me being out in the ocean and there's a fucking tropical storm.

No, but I mean, like everyone around you is drinking your stuck on this boat, your stranded by. You know what's hard? I'll tell you what's hard, not to fuck. Mm-hmm. That's the, because you know, two o'clock in the middle of the fucking, you know, the Gulf of Mexico and some, you know, cowboy,'clock in the middle of the fucking, you know, the Gulf of Mexico.

And some, you know, cowboy little redneck chick with a, with be cups. Cowboy, no, cowboy chick. Cowgirl, I think they say trans woman. Cowboy chick. Oh, Jesus. I feel a little bit. If there was a trans on that belt fucking off. Woo!

Yeah, I'm just saying. I saw a lady boy of the night. Yeah. Oh. Midnight lady boy. I would've been shaking. Hey daddy. I was like, oh my god.

I got a balcony. I know, I was in Norway. I think about drinking all the time. I don't practically think about it. I don't think should I get a beer. Right. But I do 20 times a day. I'd be like, oh, it. I don't think should I get a beer. Right. But I do 20 times a day, be like, oh, it'd be fun to have a few cocktails right now. We all are so.

Yeah. I don't think that addiction for me, I don't think is relevant. I think about smoking weed. Whoa. Yes, me too. Weed, because you know, they're smoking some weed on that boat. Uh-uh, I lose my mind. One kid, this so funny, one kid, when we were getting on the boat, we got on a little late.

And the dogs came up to us two guys that worked for the show. One guy, the dog came up to, and the other kid saw that he went back outside and ate all his shit. So the first night on the cruise, this kid was fucked. That's just funny. He was just staring into the distance. Oh, that's so good. And they didn't even arrest him, they just took it and said,

you know, because it was weed and right. And the adibles and shit and gummies. So they were just like, just go, you know, the kid panning and just gobbled all the gummies. And the gummies. Well, weed especially now, because there's so many innovations. Like now they have categories.

Like this is like, if you want a fuck weed This is if you're sleepy weed This is if you want to look at tits weed and so there's like categorize and you can eat it. Yeah Yeah, you can eat a good thing. Don't so much you want to do. Yeah, that kills that's actually two of my addictions a brownie and weed Mm-hmm. How do you not want to do that? I like crazy when I fucking smoke weed I'm just giving the munchies all the old time He makes a good much to go sleep. Yeah, I that was the hard thing for me was food on the ship because I shouldn't Yeah, I cannot suppose to end fucking I mean Three o'clock in the morning's coming on you around the you gonna have to do that was on the Lido deck and this girl walks by

I don't know little I love Jared Lido though. He's hot. Oh, he's got one good song. Oh 30 seconds of ours that song is Yeah, the kill. Yeah, that's fucking great song. I Open the door for I'm on the Lido deck and I open the door for this girl and I saw her popping around I'm like, what's up? What's wrong? She's like, oh Jesus Christ. I'm just trying to get laid. Nobody will get me laid And I was like I literally shake it. I'm like I'm just trying to get laid, nobody will get me laid. Well, you know. And I was like, I literally shaking. Oh, yeah. I'm like, I could just go and fucking shut all the lights out and bang you in a storm on my balcony right now.

The town is back that way. Yeah. Remember, Dumb and Dumber. Oh, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I went like, sorry, my friend. Eight of you. Yeah. I just went, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I went, I'm sorry, my friend. Idiot. I just went like this, I just went like this. I'm sure you'll reach your goals.

No! That's amazing. Good luck in your future endeavors. Now, do you tell your wife that you have this? No! What are you listening to? No, she's not an idiot. Oh, all right.

My fucking wife is listening to this shit. You never know. I do. Absolutely do. Let's call her fucking twat right now. Hey, Don, you twat. What are you going to do about it? Yeah, you son.

Don, hey, easy here. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I was listening. I was only kidding. I was only kidding. I was only kidding. Oh, fuck, John. She's so great. Just kidding, I love doing it.

Yeah, those girls are freaking that shit, man. Especially after you get off stage, they walk up to you, they're like, well, you went stage and they just, pretty well, man. Yeah, it progressively gets worse. So before dinner, hey, and then after dinner, huh, that's good to, and then around 12 o'clock, the gambling, have a photo,'s a good time. And then around 12 o'clock, the gambling have a photo. What do you do?

And then around three o'clock. So you're just eating? Well, cheeseburgers in jerkin' off the whole time. I am. Yeah. Yeah, I was emotionally ocean, really. Yeah, I was crankin' out. But here's the problem.

This is what happened. We went to Cosmell or Cosmell? Cosmell. Cosmell. Cosmell. Cosmell. Cosmell, Kazakhstan. And no, we didn't go there. Cosmell's the best in my opinion, because you went to Mexico, right? You went to the like Honduras and stuff and Belize

or no, that's the most I'm going. We didn't know, you talking way too fast. What? Cosmell, you sound like porky-bigger right there. That's rolling, you know. At the end of a loony tour, I'm not in the same place. I'm not in the same place. I'm not in the same place.

I said Honduras Belize, yeah. Cosmell, what the fuck? Y'all are just, you're just making fun because I'm so third Asian on those working those countries. I said Honduras believes. Yeah, what the fuck? Y'all are just, you just make a phone because I'm Southern. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what we're doing. You fucking dirty right now. Yeah, that's so right. It's not right.

He's not racist. Can you be racist? He's Southern, it's not a racist. Look, all my people have been through, okay? Okay. Yeah, the cross-burnings and the church burning. You know how it is? Close your hair and cross.

I have to deal with this shit. And y'all call me like mean. And y'all are like way meaner than me. Like I'm like nice, like Southern, just, you know, trying to embrace it. I can't say a fucking thing. Listen to me, you can say whatever you want, Dolly. Okay, whatever you want, you just done button one more button. I'm not sure you can do whatever you want.

I look better, I lost 10 pounds to the solace. I think you have to wait for somebody to tell you that. You can't just do so much. You really can't just do so much. A little eager beaver. I really can't do so much. I also look better. You do look better, Joe. I did notice it on you.

Thank you. You always look good to me. And what have you noticed on me? I did just the same three stooages face I've always seen. You guys look at all three of the three stooges in one. It's fucking... Last night, I tell a stage goes, you said I look like I was the result of a clown rape.

LAUGHTER LAUGHTER That one rolls in a little bit. That takes a second. What was I saying? Oh, yeah. The Cosmell was not good. Whoa. I'll tell you why.

Mexico is not a fun place. It's very scary. You can't leave the place. You have to go from the boat. You walk through this maze of horse shit stores. Yeah. And they try to get you to buy garbage. You get a finagle to get in a cab.

And then you get in the cab, you go to this little spot we had, you go in the water for a minute. That was fun. I was in the, oh, smoking a Cuban, me, Bert, and Mike Calta, and his friend, Pete, who's the best, smoking Cubans. I'm smoking a fucking Cuban. Real, you can't buy Cubans in Mexico, they're all fake.

So don't, don't go to Mexico and come back with Cubans They say hey Bobby. I'll fucking throw them out So we brought them in with smoking cubans water. It's the probably one of the best things I did on the trip Water in the water up to my neck Just shooting the shit a lot of people to drink and all my count the fans are the best They're just good people fun crazy fucking Tampa people But great except for this one guy. I see he said something to me and I said something back and he and I got him and he's He splash me with his cup

I'm I'm smoking a Cuban and a drop of water with right in the middle of my Cuban and just fucking put it out. Oh, you're sure it's and I went, ah, you fuck. This guy could literally rip my head off and shit down my fucking esophagus. And I just went, you fucking moron, I'm smoking a Cuban. You know, fucking splash somebody smoking a Cuban and I was waiting for him to just punch me in the face. And he was like, oh, I'm sorry. And he backed off But it sucked just sucked. Did you walk through you walked through like when you get off you walked through like the Starbucks and the hooters and stuff

Oh the shit first was not Starbucks and you shouldn't drink fucking a ace coffee or anything from I didn't say I didn't say Bobby. I'm just saying you walk through this. I'm sorry. Was that being too aggressive? But I have to listen rock you know I have tone issues. It's just the way I talk No, I had to tell my therapist that today. I go, I miss my fucking wife. He goes, well, you don't sound like him, is there? I go, I did, I fucking Mr.. He's like, what could you say in a better way?

I go, this is my fucking way. Now my girlfriend speaks Spanish, so we got off there and we just walked into the town and we went for 30 bucks. Both of us went with the stuff. No, it's not Scooby-Daw in the other one. Snorkel. Snorkel. We went snorkel for 30 bucks, both of us went with the stuff. No, it's not Scooby-Dav in the other one. Snorkel. Snorkel.

We went snorkeling for 30 bucks and got free alcohol. They literally poured tequila in our mouths. Like, we were on the boat, it's fucking dope. Yeah, they were trying to get you so drunk that you passed out. They're gonna fucking capture her, bring her back. Well, they can't do that, roll time. There we go. Huh?

I said, they can't do that, roll time. What does that mean? It's like as Alabama, it's like it's a team now them. It's like the Crimson Time. It's like when you do something good, you say roll time. Yeah, we don't do that roll time. What does that mean? It's like it's Alabama's like it's a team now them It's like the Crimson Todd. It's like we do something good. You say roll time. Yeah, we don't do that here And 99% of the world doesn't do that. So don't ever do that again Roll tied did you ever heard of your girlfriend didn't get raped and you know roll tied It's like a rally Cloth or the national champions of the house. I'm so sorry. I don't watch college football

What is it's cool? You can just go in next time to like roll to know I have to or you can say war regal. Okay. That's fucking that's not that's the other team that they suck. Though it's like yeah, Rolls-Ans like going. Yeah. I'd like to learn about this. What is this? So it's like in Alabama, you got Alabama, Kristen Todd and you got the Auburn Tigers. Norman Tigers like a shit team. They fucking suck and they say war Eagle and they're like, they're fucking pieces of shit And Alabama's like winners good people rich people and they say real time. All right now now Do they say the same thing about you if I went to?

Probably not they probably like rock is probably a great comedian really nice guy Right, you know very grateful, you know, yeah, so yeah, so this is some sense It's like next time like I say roll time you can say rolls out back and then we're fucking rolling You know, so what if I say what if I choose not to do that It's cool. You can just acknowledge it. You can just be like I'll acknowledge it You know, I'll never listen I've told you about your fucking double guns and you little you and Mike feigning what you little I'm sorry I forget I want I'll break your finger with something.

I swear to God, break his finger, roll tight. Roll tight, you'll never do it, bro. There's nothing worse to me than someone going seriously. Like joking, fine, but yeah. All right, dude. Mike Feeney did that for me when I, hey, what time to think? Oh, it's that thing, all right.

Thanks, Bob. I was like, I literally my body shook. I was like, I'm losing a jail. I was like I literally my body shook. I was like don't I'm gonna go to jail She's pretty much just set it on with the fake laughing He's got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. Deathhawks.

Deathhawks. It's like a affirmination. It's like, you should up. We get it. Move on. I was in Huntsville. They were yelling at each other in the show. Yeah.

Huntsville. No, Huntsville, Alabama. You guys are like fucking idiots. I'm going to reach out. And they were like, we love it. And I was like, that's great. I love football too. You get to come and show. Because they didn't go after each other. It's like that way they love it. And I was like, that's great. I love football too. You get to comedy show.

Because they didn't go after each other. It's like, they don't have class matters. It's got to be why they don't have good comedy clubs in that chunk of the South. Oh, because they'll be like a dog. They'll hear something. They just get too fucking shit face. They get too fucked up.

And they don't give a fuck about the art of comedy as much as other people. Every time I, like, Louisville, I remember Louisville improv, there were people in line, first of all, they shut the street down. So it was like this area in the middle of just bars and food places that have bars and the comedy club.

And at night on Friday and Saturday, they shut it. You got carted to get on the street. Like it was police. So you had to be 21 to get on the street. Like it was police. So you had to be 21 to get on the street. Louisville, Marty, but there's every Friday Saturday night. And I went up to the line and there was just people in line with these slushy alcohol drinks. Just fucking wavering.

And I'm like, these people are like, out like poison. Right, right. They're like, oh, we're gonna put them up front. All right, I know where I'm at. Yeah. Yeah, look, what was the other place? Y'all don't get spilled. You don't get spilled.

You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled.

You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. You don't get spilled. crazy on like yeah no you can believe those movies that's that's what you can't face life of movies so my aunt does she goes be careful

in New York City I've seen law in order yeah what what those are actually based on true crimes you dumb dumb I love you on Camille the beginning was based on the true story come come Camille it's because we're uncle yeah what I got it. We are. You play that split as a Knoxville. You mean the club that's closed? I mean, at just a I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm the first. How bad, bro.

First night there, lady in the front row, just making out middle-age woman, making out with another guy. The middle act didn't even acknowledge it, just wailed through his horse shit to get to his fucking t-shirt joke He'll up his t-shirt said good night brought me up I acknowledged it of course because I'd like to tell some jokes and they wound up kicking her out and then She said it she comes back in 10 minutes later Screams at the top of the lungs. I'm from Hawaii And I was just in shock. I didn't know what that meant.

I got a push after a shot couple weeks ago. Well, you got punch for a lot. More for a four. The dude was up front and he was, it was like I opened my competition. I was just doing five because I headlined the show before. It was like a 12 o'clock one. And the dude was talking and I was like be quiet. He like starts like two minutes.

She, two minutes so you can get off stage, good off stage. And I was like, all right, this is, I just this time, may fun of them, you know, then into my set. He was like two minutes. Two minutes so you can get off stage. Good off stage. And I was like, oh, this is just this time, may fun of them, you know, then into my set. He was a little like stew and fucking man. Like he was so upset. He was like, I was like, rubbing his head the whole show like this man. After the show walked to him, he's like,

you want to go outside? And I was like, yeah, we'll go outside, you know? So he started walking outside, but we're inside of a casino. So it's like a 18 mile walk. Ah! And he starts going the wrong way. I'm like, hey, Mrs. Vegas.

Oh, thanks. And then he forgot we're like, man, he's like, thanks, I mean, er, you know, he's there way. I'm like, hey, Mrs. Vegas. Oh, thanks. And then he forgot we're like, amazing. Thanks. I mean, er, you know, we was there long. I got secured. Why did you say this way? She's just letting him walk that way. You know what I said?

I walked to the buffet. Hey man, once you get the buffet, take that right. Like the Uber around, you know. And we, I told you, it's a insecurity. They were fucking slow as shit. We walk outside and he popped off his shirt and like pushed me twice and then hit me and took off running, you know. He just hit you and ran.

Yeah, this was it. This was at Ali Kameh Club in Vegas. Yeah, that's what I get. Should have been playing the cellar. Yeah, let me ask you a question. He just hit you and ran. Yeah, took off running. Did he get his shirt?

He yelled roll tie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because he threw his shirt to his girlfriend. Yeah, the punch land was a good. Yeah, it was all a punch. I mean, I don't mind getting hit. I don't mind getting hit. I used to get hit a lot. It was like, don't let me mad punch I mean I don't mind getting I don't mind I'm not getting hit. I used to get hit a lot So it's like don't it mad is like yeah, let's go back to that

I don't know if I don't know if you heard the parties from Alabama I'm in a time In middle school I used to let because I trained I trained for a while in kickboxing stuff So I got hit a lot, but then but I used to like and don't forget your father. Yeah Yeah, my like my dad waited. He didn didn't really, we'll have a little bit, you know, I'm just here and there, but in middle school, I used to have a really, I got a really good jaw, I could never get knocked out,

I've only knocked out one time in my life. I used to let people hit me, I get like, like, in like, in like, in like, P and stuff. And you were hitting that? No, no, no, cause I was, I wasn't hitting it, Pee British, I couldn't fight yet. I was like super like, that didn't hit Pee British till like, like, 17, but like, so like in middle school, I really hadn't hit any kind of Pee British, I didn't hit PB until like, like 17, but like so like in middle score,

I really hadn't hit any kind of PB. I was like small and short, like fat, you know? And then like they were just like hit me and I'd be like, see you didn't knock me out. I win, you know? I was like, what the heck? That's amazing. But he fucking cut me with his ring.

The guy was wearing a ring and that's why I like, when I saw like, cut me and my guy was fucking killing that dude. Well, oh yeah, that's your money maker. Yeah, but it's those good like cute little scar now, you know? What kind of ring was it in the eagle? I think it was a class ring and I was fucking killing that dude. Well, oh yeah, that's your money maker. Yeah, but it's a loose, it goes like cute little scar now, you know. What kind of ring was it in the eagle? I think it was a clasering and I was like, you piece of shit. You're punching me with a fucking clasering from fucking 98.

Yeah, but you can't really see it with Rocky Dale Davis, but when he stands up or if he's in shorts, this kid's a big kid. Yeah, Rocky Dale Davis is a pop-up. It's a pro. It's a 240 or a 245 right now. Yeah, he's a problem for anybody. Yeah, but. Rocky deal Davis broad. 6-3 240 or 240 five right now. Yeah, he's a problem for anybody. Yeah.

But I ain't going to hit no bike. It's about what if, dude, I've seen like me and dollar baby, what if I like, what if I hit the dude and he falls back, hits his head or what if, what if they sue me, you know, because security walked outside and they're like, we're going to detain you. I'm like, you're not fucking detain him. I did your job for you, fucking joke. You're on a bicycle right now. You came right bikes next to casino.

Where the fuck were you at, you know? I was, let's not relive your anger towards that right now. I like where the security guards No, you know, I've got another great documentary That was a true story though, wasn't it? I think so There was a ghost in my dude y'all know more than me, so what do I know? I just fucking now that we just watch fucking forest gun up in he hawn I love for us. I do push Smart New Yorkers and you don't drink anything when I'm from New York none of us. I'm from Boston, Joe's from Boston

You're Delaware. Yeah, I'm from Boston wild animals too. I I disagree but we have sophisticated people mingled in mixed in I disagree I don't think Boston people when they come to a show they come to they'll get fucked up But they're there to laugh because you have a following in Boston. No even when I didn't they would you do a show in Boston Dude when I started in Boston. They're always fun. They're out. They know because can I tell you why they they've had comedy I'm just trying to make it feel better. Okay. It feels like we're picking on Alabama Yeah, it does. It does. It's much better than Alabama's.

Does that count? Are you kidding me? These people are fucking sub-human. I'm trying to give me something. Are y'all better than me? How about we do push-ups? I will fucking combine from all three. I'll say like, how about this?

I think the three of us combined can be out of push-up. No, I guarantee you can combine. I'm a Bobby. How many can you do? I'm good for 40. Bobby did allow me, Bobby worked out with me ones. I'm You fucking was out there fucking pumping it man. I'll do I can do 20 20 Okay, I do 20 push up. I can do 20 push up. I'm a little

You cannot do 20 push. Let me have a free punch. I'll fucking break that glass I have a free punch, I'll fucking break that glass, Joel. You think you can not do 20 pushups? I can do 20 pushups. That's impressive, man. I think you can do 20. I can do 20. I mean, look, I'm not saying it would be perfect 20, and it's a little cheating,

because my stomach will allow me to get fully to the ground. Yeah. So, I hate fat on fat crime. That's my problem, too. Oh, I'm sorry. I think he said that's a problem.

I'm sorry. Did you see the dude who broke the record for the push-up thing? He was like the cop, but he wasn't even doing full, he was just doing like this right here, like literally just like that. It wasn't even going down.

I'm sure he's good. Yeah, Rocky's a problem. Yeah, he's a problem for anybody. But I think I'm harmless now. I'm not fighting anybody. No, there's not that many Southern great comedy clubs. Name in that where you live can tuck You know I feel Alabama. Well, Kentucky doesn't even

Name one comedy club that's far no, not Georgia name one comedy club. Yeah, but it's sophisticated Okay, name it Tennessee. Is that count sure? Zays is great. Zays is great in Tennessee Live and Huntsville is good one. Okay, instead gonna live and Huntsfield's good. One. Okay. State of life at Huntsfield. Yeah. The start on is cool. That's new though. That's new. Pretty new. So fuck that.

You can't have that. I'm talking historic. Zays. I have one. Okay. And then in your time at Kentucky Councils as well as the South. Even though I don't count it. But we'll count it if you want to count it. What would Kentucky be if it's not the South? It's like the Mason Dixon lines.

It feels a little Midwesterny. The South Beaverry like the Dupont. People consider Delaware the South. What? like a Mason Dixon line. It feels a little Midwesterny. It feels like a Mason Dixon line. It feels a little Midwesterny. The South Baybury, like, the Defile. People consider Delaware the South. What? Yeah. Where's Delaware? There's a part of Delaware's below the Mason Dixon.

Where's Delaware? Like I'm like a map. Two, two and a half, three hours south of New Jersey. I don't even know. I don't know. I never heard of a Delaware's South. That seems really good. No, no, it is.

It was a Virginia. So that's Virginia. Delaware's three counties. And two of them are fucking sad Southern hell if we can't get to you then how many off Broadway in Kentucky is fucking nobody even never heard of it. It's unbelievable never heard of it but people also don't consider Texas the South Texas Texas Texas Texas part of Delaware Delaware

Bull row tied bitch Roll tide bitch I'm not a little claw It's war part of a line counter Maryland and DC fuck yeah, well yeah, dude Yeah, but what there's that's like now. That's different well You thought the Mason Dixon was right above can you talk and see though the deep cells I'm Mississippi Alabama Mississippi Alabama go there a really good Good-coldy-soul the Luxe Mississippi No, no, there's no I'm not saying there's no listen. I'm not saying there's no, listen, let me define this. I'm just saying that they haven't had comedy established as long as Boston or the East Coast Upper East Coast, Northern East Coast, then, then, then the rest of the world, the rest

of the country, Alabama, Arkansas, there's no, what club in Arkansas? The Looney ban in Little Rocks. There you go. There you go. So here's a deal. When they had it in the side-sputters in... Noxville. Noxville. Yeah. The guy, Bobby Joule, was trying to train the crowds because the people that were there before just let them do whatever. So they would train that you can go, like, roadhouse. Right, right.

It's like roadhouse. They were trying to come in and be like, be nice. Until it's time not to be nice. And then you throw them on the fucker out, but you can't talk. And people didn't understand why you couldn't talk. Like people were kissing and making out and talking. And I'd be like, stop it.

They're still people wherever you go to think they're making the show better by like yelling out like, hey, I was trying to help you, man. Yeah, that's a little different though. I think that, I think that comedy clubs in general, people are understand how it works now. Right. You got chuckles in Memphis. You got Little Rock Arkansas.

You got the start-up and Birmingham start-up. You got the silly house and tree for it. You got the Chattano Nigger comedy catch. You got the Chattano nigga comedy catch. You got con candies comedy and fucking catch a move. There's no blacks in Jackson. Right there wearing Mississippi and Louisiana meets. I do a fucking

show. There's also no news there. The new name is good old the good old days comedy club. Clan comedy and the mobile. Yeah. No forget Arkansas. No bitches allowed comedy club on Wednesdays They never bug me Fags on funny in Fort Worth

I'm from Tescalusa right there. That's where I'm from Tescalusa right there, but they're I'm from. Where? Tescalusa right there. Jesus Christ, dude. You are. But they're fucking red neck. And dude, it's great, man. I did a tour one time. I made $45.

I went from Memphis to Nashville to Huntsville to Birmingham to Tescalusa. I'm like, four days. And you made $45. $45. That's pretty good. Like, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the didn't have any eating my car and it's like the middle of the simmer was like freezing like 35 degrees.

It's crazy. Yeah man. You know Huntsville has more PhDs per capita than any other city. You know Huntsville, Texas has more prisons than any other city in the world. I'm pretty sure you made up Huntsville, Texas. No, that's a prison. Do it. Do it. I'm from Texas. I know it's just fucking. You're from Mexico. You don't fucking Mexican. Hey I'm on your side. I know there's a Huntsville, Texas. I'm joking Well, I'm gonna show you right there's a pedophile in Corpus Christi, Texas name Rocky Dill Davis It looks like an overweight me to do Texas right there. And what is it known for?

Prisons. Yes, prisons. Look at all the prisons they have there. The Huntsville Transverse Facility has 4 1,5 stars. Zory. When they rape prisons. Yeah, yeah. 14 million.

That's so funny. Let's call them up. Let's call up the holiday transfer. I call them up. Facility. What are we going to call them up for? I don't know. Well, come up with something fun. I'm looking at the radio. I'm looking to transfer. We're the holiday transfer. I call him up. What are we gonna call him up for? I don't know. Well come up with something fun. I don't know what it's like to

radio. I'm looking to transfer. Like the beds are great. He's a spinner. Chili fridays are awesome. I can call call up the Huntsville unit and ask what time they're open. Yeah and then ask them if they have any rooms available. You're just gonna get a magistrate asking what you're looking for. And then maybe we can do a show. Ask we do a live like that. Mike doesn't do what I tell him to do. He just tells me what they're looking for. And then maybe we can do a show, ask we do a live show. I like that Mike doesn't do what I tell him to do. He just tells me what they're actually gonna do. He's like, I tried, I couldn't get any work in Texas.

I've called every president. I will do that. I'll look at Burnett and see. I'm gonna just do a couple of jokes over the speaker. Oh, speaking of prisons, tomorrow night. Oh boy. I am going, I am taking a train to Boston When I was locked up in here was the best time ever every Friday we played big poppy in the sales

Great King of the South David Ortiz. What about the other one deep rooted history here got a love it Got love it. It wasn't actually there Love it It says got love it. It wasn't actually there That was the other one the food is delicious It can't be really it has a picture of a fucking Death Max What's it? I was in a release entrance. Oh, thanks. I'm executed. It's still reviewing Yeah, that's you say that's fake. I think it's fake. No one way. You thanks. I'm executed but still reviewing. Yeah, that's

you say that's fake. I think it's fake. No one way you just said I'm executed but I'm still reviewing. I was reading ones for that. I think you write. Wait, wait, what's going on with the train to bars bars? What the bars? And exclusive gym. That's funny. Yo, look at that. That one's

real. Well, from sin disorders, I was very upset when I learned my daughter's father couldn't have her hand prints. I sent him all because they had glitter on them. Glitter! That's all. But everything is real. And still three stars. And still three stars. Oh, shit. It did get there in a timely manner though. Oh, my God.

Bobby, what's going on in Boston? They're checking a train to jail. Remember that story you set started a second ago? He said, speaking to jail, I've taken a train. Taking a train to Boston. I was called a month ago from... Oh boy. It's called Naffy, NFI. Naffy headed ho?

No. I'm a radio career taking away from that. That's a reference. Don I miss. No, I'm gonna get you a radio career taking away that. That's a reference. Don I miss we. We were talking about it earlier. We I got a name I got a. A phone call. One of the juvenile halls that I was in when I was a kid. NFI shelter care, which is in Danvers.

Call me up. They want to present me with an award. Wow. Around when I was 18, I actually worked there. I went back to work for them when I was 18 before I did comedy. And then I went to Congress and spoke to the Senate about NFI, Shell to care and how it helped me. I sat with Janet Reno.

I had dinner with Robert Kennedy's daughter, Kathleen Kennedy. I spoke, I was on C-SPAN. They actually have the tape of me on C-SPAN, which I'm going to try to get and play on this on the show. Oh, that'd be great, man. It's a bit of a cologne. You know what, dude? I had this place in school. Dude, I know you guys are excited as dude. I'm trying not to say fuck ups. You're so fun.

Like for a health, I know. We start coming to a... I'm trying not to say fuck ups Like for health Anyways, they're gonna present me with an award Sorry, I took me a second to appreciate my own joke because it started off Genuine, oh it's good. I know Can you imagine any of us trying to run cuz I get like into politics. I'm excited about it I read about it. I feel I want to make a difference. We have no Shot we couldn't even be like Donald like this podcast. Yeah, no We can't try to do anything in life. We can't even volunteer. No, you know, we're fucked. I've said

I didn't even volunteer. No, you, no, we're fucked. I've said, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die! I have 100 times. I literally just had it again. Literally, I don't even remember Nagger. I did. You made it easier for them to find,

don't, don't, don't, don't. I think that it would have been. I can't even give a speech at a rally to be like, we gotta take care of the environment. They'd be like, this guy. I can't walk by a school. That's the crazy. You can never do anything in Chinatown

Yeah, you get a disease We're fucking a redneck The guy with three first names goes whoa I'm kidding I have a small penis. I love China. Yeah, we're done. It's so hot in here. Oh, we're done. He just put the AC on you not I don't know why you keep shutting it off. Why do you keep shutting it off? Take it off, eco mode. You got a fat host who's dying. You got a thin red face, thin lip cocksuck who's going to complain the whole time.

Me? Yes. Oh. Yeah, you're right, Joe. It's a good fucking point. We're all... Because of podcasting, if this never existed,

we'd be able to do whatever we wanted. I can run. But this is what we want to do. So it's like, what? What else is there? What? What? Right? You want to do whatever we want it. I can run. But this is what we want to do. So it's like, what, what else is there? What? What? Right?

You want to do it. There it is. I would do anything to not be hard. I was talking. Literally. It's a big day for me. I don't know what you're talking about. I'd love to give this to both of you

to ask all of you right now. Fucking walk away. I was home napping in my kids car bed. I remember you dreamland. Oh. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. I was home napping in my car bed Yeah, we're done Joe yeah, and we did it like you guys didn't even do podcasting we were doing podcasting From I mean before it was fucking even had a name. I think right? Yeah, I had to walk uphill both ways When I was a kid we had to, we had to use a mixing board. A tax scam, a tax scam, I tell ya. We couldn't even say producer.

You guys have for use zooms, we didn't have a zoo. No, it's bad. Yeah, what were you gonna do? But that's, I feel the next generation of politicians, there's still a country in 20 years. They're all gonna have, because everything's on video and social media, there's gonna be so many records.

Kavanaugh was the last one, because that's like the error where not everything is available. It's just kind of like word of mouth and like yearbook stuff, but the next generation is fucked. Yeah, yeah. Totally fucked. Everyone's got nudes out, everyone's got naked pictures.

It might make it less evident. It makes so many naked pictures. It's my make it last. So many naked pictures. I just can't wait. My cock to come back to me. I know. I know. It's gonna have some meme. I'm talking to me.

Hey, happy birthday, little dink. Little dink. Is that like Joe is making fun of the Chinese again. That was a clever way for you to do a Chinese joke and put it on me. Yeah. That's why I did it. You're like a little dick. I'm like something he would say.

Trying to be a politician later. I'm saying my ass. Well, you could be a politician though, because you are bisexual. You're left, you're pro every sexual. You're pro everything that they are, but I hate that. Well, the left politician. The right, the ones that are winning, and they're not those things. Yeah, but the right, the left of the ones that care about that shit,

the right doesn't give a fuck about that. They wanted to go back to what it was. But when you get back in the lower hole reform, like, yeah, fuck it, like, yeah. You can run and be like, yeah, I fight, you know, I love men, I love women, I love all kinds of, I fucking pool halls. I bet hand I fucking pool halls

That hand jobs at pool hall So I did ask the people I was playing pool and I was like, I'm good strip gloves around here They all just like left me alone. I was like, all right the people I was playing pool and I was like, ain't good strip gloves around here? They all just like left me alone. I was like, all right, I don't know. Hey. Yeah, you can't do anything.

I mean, I mean, we were supposed to talk about this weekend. That we're done. Like, this is it. This is all we can do. Yeah. I mean, this is all we can strive to do. If they give you, I mean, if they give you a show tomorrow, Joe on NBC, anybody anywhere could just go back

and take you out with anything you ever said. Yeah, you got to not get too big and not ruffle too many feathers. If you upset people they can go after you, or if you get too big, America, we'd like to take people down. Do we take down everybody that gets too big though? I think we try to, people get resentful.

I mean, look at all the people that are big. Everybody's tried to take out the mall down, right? It's a Sunday degree. Dude, look at Dane Cook. He was like the biggest in the world. Never, it was like, guys? It's a Sunday degree. Dude look at Dan Cook. He was like the biggest in the world. Never was like, I was too big we hate him now. Look at Louie. We've seen him too much.

But his brother took him down though. Amy they fucked with it. And Amy. Oh, shepal. And Jesus. Yeah. Fucked with everybody. No, we like it.

Well, even the guys we fucked, girls like, were going through their old podcasts looking for shit to be mad at. And they found it. Yeah. Yeah. But that one didn't take too much. You got to just ride it out, I think well it didn't take because of why There's like nothing really there But they're looking as the problem. So yeah, there's people

Your own fans are looking to take you down, but I feel like you have to if something like that happens You got to stand by me like yeah, I came from a place where I wasn't malicious. Fuck you. Well, that's how I always feel. I'm like, I have a very irreverent sense of humor. I'm a good person. I spend time, I volunteer, I donate money, I spend time at meetings, I fucking meditate, I care about society, I vote, I'm a good person,

I'm a good friend, I just like. I'm a super-cruiter right here. I just like to, enough with zip-resistant slurs. I just like a Reverend humor, I'm a jokey. It's like enough with zip resonant. The slurs are... Uh... I just like a Reverend here where I'm joking. Also, political correctness should be for politicians. That's where it starts. Like our president is tweeting,

Oh, we got to shit on horse face. He's calling all the horse face. Oh dude, he called the Stormy Daniels horse face. That's the fun he's talking about. He's saying belongs. Yeah, but he called the lady, uh, Pocahontas. Yes. The bad Pocahontas. Yeah, yeah, yeah the other lady, uh, polka honest. Yes, the bad polka honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like some cartoon character, but like that's where PC belongs. Our politicians shouldn't be like this fucking shittles countries. They should be like, look at the word of politically correct. Political. That's what I'm saying. Should stay. You look at mad at comedians now. I'm like, I'm a comedian.

People like you said this or that. You're like, yeah, I'm joking. I'm a fucking comedian. We're supposed to be saying it's fun to say the bad thing. That's what the point of comedy is yeah that Warry roll Roll this tie bitch Did you have to do the voice? I didn't Try to save my shitty joke with the voice I tried to save my shitty joke with the boys. Yeah, I guess you're right.

I just get nervous that, you know, I mean, Tampa was so freeing because they were so, they don't give a fuck. You can say whatever and they're into it. Even the old people, whoever it is, you can, you know, I feel like in New York, though, it's getting a little weird. Brooklyn, but for the most part, even in the young color, even at the seller, a little bit on the weekends, man, I've planted the weekends and I've had to yell at them,

snap the fuck out of it. I know you just heard three comics that told joky jokes that were really good. And you know, one got offended. And now I said something that ruffled your fucking feathers, loose in the fuck up, suck your own fucking decks and relax I would love to suck my own dick or anyone else is I used to be able to I He didn't I swear to God what when I was like 12 I can I can still put my feet on my head. I used to I'm like super flexible

Yeah, and I literally I was like I think I was like 12 11 or 12 and I was in the bathtub I swear to God I love that. I'm saying you can't suck your own dick like you said I can't do 20 pushups With the same fuck you Got you're in the bathtub. No, no, I just lay in the bathroom floor. I'm like really do have a strong job I was like lay back and I was able like to like to like the like this much of it and I was like awesome What'd you do? I just like it was like that's cool. I'm off It no, no, I just like I could but you't, so you get your tippy a dick in your mouth and you didn't do anything with it.

I mean, I didn't want to be stuck in a day. You know how many of us are killed? You do that? You fucking asshole. Yeah, I'm so fucked. I could be like, I'm always keeping my flexibility, man. You know, if you're flexible, you're so cool. I give you 100 bucks if you put your own dick

in your mouth right now. Yeah, I can't right now, too big. I'm, look at me, I'm fucking stout, bro. I'm real tough. I'm like in 500 bucks. Look at you. I have to get harder there. I'll put it five. Yeah, I'll put it five. I'm like in 500 bucks. Look at you. I have to get hard. I'll put it five. Yeah, I'll put it five. But I'm not gonna get hard on

running. You can get your heart. Oh, yeah. Come on. You'll fluff you nuts. Come on. I don't let me pay you back with that shitty green tea. That's good, bro. He just sucks them off. Yeah, he makes him come Yeah, keep going Just just just shrinks again. It'll be funny later Man, I gotta do this ad We're gonna quit Speaking of getting hard. They love this speaking of getting hard blue chew All right, here's a day. Let's check this out remember the days when you can Let's check this out. Remember the days when you could stop. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

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¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. with a guy and every time we meet up we have to use each other's printer. That was like the code. Oh nice. What kind of like like I'd come home my mom would be like oh so and so is coming over. He said his printer doesn't work and I'd be like oh my god. Oh wow. I would try to think what that would be if I was a kid I have to be I'd have to come and go mom. Um Mike's G.I. Joe isn't working correctly.

Or his evil, con evil. What would I say? We'd never printers this one. Well, my mom used to be like, we need to get that damn thing fixed. We just got it. I'm like, yeah, the thing's broken anyway. I can take it.

I should fix it for your birthday and you're mad. Yeah, I'm going to get a smash it. I gotta get that little printer dick. Printer, print him. So to print her, print him, because it's gay. Oh, we got it. Oh, should I put this? Yeah, where's the ghost?

Gotcha. That's the ball. But you know what it is, don't act like you don't. You've watched the video. You're something, I love you buddy. You will hang, some of me, and you haven't seen fucking me yet. Ah, sorry dick. I'll be hard dick.

I was verbal, bitch. That made you hot. Unless the sock dude having to hide that. Yeah, but I didn't know. Like I felt so much shame and guilt and like disgust about myself over it that I like couldn't even imagine telling I would convince myself that I didn't do those things. There was like that bit. Yeah. So you would do them and myself that I didn't do those things. It was like that bad, yeah.

So you would do them and then pretend they didn't happen. Yeah, like I would burn my clothes when I got done. Well, because it was too much. Come all over it, of course. Yeah, yeah. What the fuck's wrong with you? I come, you're... Yeah, I was like massively like,

in Barrelson. It makes me sad. Sorry about you. No, that's all was like that's massively like blah blah in barrison. It makes me sad. Sorry, buddy No, it's all right. It's fun now. Now. Did you bring your brother your clothes that way your mom like what are you doing? Is the third pair of awespa gosh I had to get Stuck blowing guys you fucking queen. I can't afford it I'm working a part-time job so you can suck. We're doing a blowjob Can't I get a paperoo just a second I'm working a part-time job so you can suck dick. You're only going to this printer. I need the Mickey Mouse shirt Fucking funny. That's so sad though, man. Ah, yeah, well, you know therapy's helped out a lot I know but real good now, but you were all alone. Did you have anybody to talk to you? What about the guy you were blowing?

Did you talk to him? He's wealth is full. Oh Take that bomb down all of the there. That was great. Yeah, that was a good one. Thanks everybody. No, it was very much a thing of like, we would... Ah! That was great.

What do you laugh like a fucking fat chipmunk? What the fuck is that? You laughed like how I acted in high school. Yeah, I get a better laugh, would you? You're a grown man. What's the most tough? Oh my god. Oh, no, it was a thing like a...

Can I ask you a question? The first time you you you with a guy uh-huh yeah The first time you with a guy did you Did you feel bad about that? Did you feel terrible? And how many guys are you with at that age? I mean, it must be a small amount. I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but I used to go to the library and look up

like psychological textbooks to see if I was like messed up in the head. And I saw that like a lot of little boys and like little girls experiment. We showed up. But I never knew that. So I used to fool around with like boys when I was like, young guy.

I did just totally fine with it. I did too. And then my dad died and that's when I was like, you're evil. Yeah, I was on a mission. I'm gonna suck so much dick. I'll bring my dad back to life. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a terrible person. Just the comic in me, my comic ego. No, I shouldn't be first. No, no, not with that, my dad died. What do you mean? I come on. But your dad died, I really do,

because it was interesting. Your dad died and you wanted to, what, that made you go fuck it? What, what happened? No, no, no, that made me go, he's watching you now and you can't do this anymore. But I wanted to and then so I felt like I was like evil for it. What what no that made me go you're he's watching you now and you can't do this anymore But I wanted to and then so I felt like I was like evil for even though he loved me like with all his heart And I know that now I just that message you get when you're younger when someone dies

Ever and around you is like well they're with you all the time now. Yeah, they're watching you and you're like what the fuck But I'm doing all these bad things that I thought was bad. My grandmother died and my grandfather that died. I didn't look at the point I wanted to for like months. Right. Yeah, because I thought my grandmother was just watching me type kidnap in the fucking people at clitty.com search. Some poor wife being held by nine Russians.

You sure got the kids napping? And then, that wasn't bad. It wasn't bad. It was fucking shocking. That was bad. Not only was it bad, it was about pedophilia. We have to make those puns. We have to make those good.

It wasn't about pedophilia. It was about a pun. I know, we did that. You heard it here first, Joe Les loves pedophilia. And he loves puns. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahs Yeah, the baby like puns. I know you do Puns the kids Wow

The first time I saw porn I saw it was a I was in the I was like probably nine I was in like the computer and that's where you couldn't stop pop-ups from popping up like inside You know and I was like it's happened like wrestling shit and a pop-up and it said BBC versus white girl I thought it was fucking wrestling. I was like, I've never heard of BBC and then I clicked on it and it wasn't. It was formed for sure. Yeah.

Woo. I am. Have you ever been with a guy? No. You never had a guy touch a guy? Pleasant. No. You never touch a dude's ding?

No. You ever jerk off with another guy? No. You ever suck a guy off? No. You ever suck your own dick? Yes. You ever wanted to? Yeah. I just, here's the one guy? No. Do you have a second guy off? No. Do you have a second-year-old dick? Yes.

Do you ever want to? I did. Here's the one thing about that. Do me. Do me. Do me. Do me. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes, no. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, no. Coming back into the country and customs. Yes, yes, yes, yes, no. Listen. Dude, I didn't know, like, I look back on this, and I remember it like a little while ago, but this kid that I used to like,

fall around with underneath the bathroom stall, one day in class. He was thinking, Jim Norton. Yeah. One day in class, I drew a naked woman with a penis, and I slid it on his desk and was like, I ain't like that, what are you thinking of that, huh? And he showed someone I beat him up after school.

You beat him up. Yeah, I punched him in the face. Why? Because I was like an embarrassed. Exposed. Exposed, yeah. That was the original text message. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Through a thing. Yeah, that was the original emoji. That was the original nude. Like a naked picture. When did, because I had the same problem, because I went on to, you know, I, like girls and I was with girls. You used to fool around boys when you were younger. Well, yeah, I had experiences same problem because I went on to, you know, like girls and I was with girls. You used to fool around boys on you, right?

Well, yeah, I had experiences with guys, like, and then I found out that it's, oh, you didn't know. I was so young I didn't know about sex. And then, you know, I thought I was all this shit for so many years and I carried this baggage with me, this secret. And then when I let it out and then the guy, I think I've all this shit for so many years, and I carried this baggage with me, this secret. And then when I let it out, and then the guy, I think I've told the story before, Tom Tompkins, when I was in the rehab,

when I went to rehab, he goes, he, the first day, he brought me in the office, he says, tell me your doctor's secret, and I told him a couple, and he goes, none of that. The thing that you've never told anybody, and I was like, all right, I did this, This happened with a, you know, a couple boys. He's like, when I go when I was this age,

I was, you know, whatever, young. He goes, okay, hang on a second. And he clicked and he goes, send Josh, Tommy, and Mike up. I was like, what? I was like, what the fuck? I'm not sucking dick now. What are you? I'm gonna be blown up on you guys.

I'm gonna treat him in his this. We're gonna get this dick sucking right out of you like you get caught So I'm gonna pack his a girls are younger He brought them in and and they all sat there and he goes Jeva you ever touch 20 friends, Cox, yep. You have a burger fried up, yeah. No way. And then he goes, yeah, everybody does that, dummy. You're not gay, you're not anything.

You didn't know what you were. It's, nobody taught you anything. You just, it was sex. How are you when that happened? I was 15 when he told me that. Oh, yeah. I was under 10 when all that happened. Way into maybe nine or maybe, I remember first grade

was my first sexual experience with a woman and I cried because I thought I was going to hell. Yeah, she touched my ding ding. I was in first grade, a second grade. She made me suck under titties and I didn't know what I was doing and I couldn't tell anybody. I was so, because I knew that it was, sex was bad, I was Catholic. Right, right. I was so, because I knew that it was, sex was bad, I was Catholic, I was so scared. I remember crying and my mom came up, she said,

what's wrong? Imagine going up a senior kid's first grade. That's Max in a year and he's crying. I mean, hyperventilating crying because some, you know, and then I couldn't tell her and she's like, all right, she didn't know, she's like, all right, just let him get it out Whatever it is and it was one of the most tragic fucking things and literally set my life. That's why all this shit sexually going on

You know, I really I don't I Think now kids are being raised correctly sexually. It's okay to talk to a kid about sex Gay gay is not a thing anymore. Mm- anymore. It doesn't matter. I have gay people at my house. Transgender people hang out with masks. To us in New York City. It's still a lot of places. I'll say I love them, man. No, I agree. I agree. I guess in my world, it doesn't. Right. I'm saying, but we can't lose sight that it's the other places. You can't. But if you look on TV, it's not an issue.

Being homosexual is actually a good thing now. People praise it. People go to the parade now, even in Boston, it's slowly overwhelming the horse shit, I think. I think that's why there's such an issue with trans rights now because even Gays fuck with them. Yeah, but we fucked up with civil rights, we fucked up with gay rights, and then now with trans rights, everyone's like, there's no room for error. You have to get everything right or else you are bad to like make everyone feel like it's so good.

Trans are still living like gay people who were living, you know, 30 years ago. Because if you trans, you're not accepted even by gays. I, I don't know, I think. I mean, not fully. Very invoked to be trans. I mean, it's, I guess invoked, but it's not accepted, you know, people still don't understand it.

Because all they break trans down into so many categories now. My tram broke down the way home yesterday. No, no, no. That train, it was how trans. Oh, trans. Yes, trans, like the transportation. No, no, no, trans.

Okay, like trans fats. Yeah, there's one sex. So there's all kinds of different things now that break down and it's like, what do I call you now? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think that all this, like me growing up,

if you look at the films we brought up with, we say this all the times, the movies were all sex, I was, you don't teach a kid about sex. Right. You, my dad and I had, when Magic Johnson got AIDS, that's when I got like my first sex talk. Your dad gave Magic Johnson AIDS? My dad gave Magic Johnson aides.

Yeah. What if that was Wikipedia? That's how they killed him. That's how he does. Just a guy that looks at Larry from the three stages. Holding hands with magic. My dad was a handsome man. He was something fell in hand. Handsome man.

I am. I mean, you're a non-traditional handsome. You're, I'll tell you what you are. You're unconventionally good looking. Yes. Yes, I think so. Yeah. Joe does not agree.

You look like a man, Mr. Garrison. I'm a JFK. You've never been fucked in the ass. Kevin Bacon's best role. He's a fascism. Because fascism is coming back. Mm-hmm. Oh, okay.

Let's take a break. You never touched a man's ding-ding Joe? No, I'm trying to think of even like comedically. I'm in like, punched a guy in the dick. Yeah, like what? I think if you grab someone's dick, that's not gay if you're intent is to like laugh. Yeah.

But if like, I grab your dick to make everyone laugh, that's like fun. But if I do it to like, jerk off to it later, that's fucking gay. No, I never touched any dicks really You like balls what's the capital of Thailand Bangkok? No, I never got into that human in fact I hate it I people that hate each other's balls So worse people use to do that my house fucking hate I never understand

Oh, yeah, when you walk up behind some money fucking they would call it cadaphing because you fucking shove your thumb I never understand. I never understand that. It hurts. It hurts. Oh yeah, when you walk up my hands of mine, you fucking, they would call it a cadaphing, because you fucking shove your thumb at the house. We call it checking the oil. Yeah, checking the oil. Yeah. I call it hitchhiking.

I'm called a good time. You call it the anniversary dinner. But here's the thing, like a lot of kids, I feel bad for the Delaware communion. I call it two thumbs up. I call it two thumbs up. I call it a good movie. All right. I call it some of the dead horse.

I really tried to fix that one on the slide, didn't I? You gave it all. Oh, shit. Listen, it's interesting to me though, because a lot of kids go through that, because they weren't taught about sex, they didn't know anything about. Nobody filled them in on anything. Right, and it's not my parents fault.

No, it's not just wasn't, it just wasn't, but they did. You didn't talk to your kids about that shit. Now, I'm so glad that I get to talk to my kid about sex and tell him, you know, and whatever the fuck he wants to do, but you know, you're private to your privates and you know, you shouldn't, I don't think a kid, we weren't taught not to do things actually. Just didn't talk about it. And all of a sudden my mother would find out

I did something and be shocked. It's like, you dummy. The fuck, my mother had my system, she was 15. She had me when she was 18. Jesus. Yeah, and back then, that was fucking scarlet letter. Well, she was Catholic, big. Yeah. And back then, that was fucking scarlet letter. Well, she was Catholic, big, and they had to go, she had to go away.

She married? No. Oh, she did get married. She got married after the first, the first one. He went to Vietnam though, so he was gone. Right. No more. It's crazy just to, no, he just went there for, uh, to food.

Yeah, he was a photographer. He wanted to take some photos. Yeah, he went there for the war You fucking jagged they caught kids fucking around elementary school my hometown Which is like some from fifth grade or fourth grade down. Yeah, it's fucking scary. Yeah, it happened Did where they like shamed and stuff? No, they no, I think they were right I don't think they think bad happened for me. I think he's just got in trouble at the school I don't think it was like they were like, you know, people aren't really mad. They do drugs down in there. The one guy that I like, he know how to think

from like 11, 12 until like 24, like secretly, but it was only sexual. Yeah, that's, and like immediately after, it was like, get off of me, bag it. And I was like, oh, like I secretly was at him. Yeah, like the first time we fought around, he went, we were on a trip in Florida. Flew bangin' rich boss, by the way,

he was like, fuck it, and we were on a trip and forward. Flew bang and a rich boss. Why the fuck? You lost me, fuck it. And you were just doing my teeth. Kill off me, fuck a fuck. I gotta go golf and go golf. So it was like broke back then. Yeah, it really was like true. That was like true. It was like true.

That was like true. It was like true. It was like true. It was like true. It was like true. It was like true. It was like true. It was everyone in the back of the bus that I was like gay and everything and it fucking sucked. And then I was like so in there and that like in college he got involved in like ponzu schemes, you know, like those like if you buy these energy drinks and you sell them, and I want to show many meetings

at courtyard marriots to like learn about it so I could call him be like, so I went to the meat just like something to talk about. It was. It was. You know, they're gonna be fucking gay. What? That's what our sales this month are gonna be great. You know, they're gonna be good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're gonna love those energy drinks. Yeah, well, what can you do?

Well, it's sad that you can't, you know, it's sad at least to me, it's sadder for him because he's. Oh, dude, he's married now. He's like a, he just got rebaptized. Yeah, you know, boy. I'm so fortunate that I can talk about it, be okay with it. And when I, when I like,

it's still sucked in, was open and still live my life, bitch. Yeah. When I can't, when I talked about it for the first, like it was, I had a mental breakdown because I never thought that I could be open and honest about it. And when I did my brain broke and it feels so good. I feel great. I got nothing to be honest.

Have you ever looked at what the girl that got like, that you told her that and she got like mad or the same thing? Yeah, mostly. Yeah, black chicks. Yeah, I would say that if it pissed some people, yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. No, I'm just saying, I'm just saying that

I just do it for them. I just make it to get those problems. Women, like every once in a while, I'll fool around with dude. I heard, yeah, I stayed with some gay dudes one time. That's how one of them, he's like, he's like, do you know what I'm talking, chicks, but sometimes I just grab a dudes ass and I'm like, alright, right? Yeah, you can't, I mean, I heard, yeah, I stayed with some gay dudes one time. That's how one of me's like, he's a dog little fucking chick, but sometimes I just grab a dudes ass on my

arm. Yeah, you can't, I mean, I don't know, you know, why that would have to bother anybody? Because it's a latent, I don't know if it's homophobia or germophobia, but there is this subconscious thing where people think that the disease aspect of like, if you're bi, you'll like pass disease between the two. And especially trans women, they have like a reputation as being like the most diseased, even though that's like not true. So that weird to people out.

Yeah, but it's like, I don't understand why, if someone wants to have sex with somebody, it's just a whole. It's just safe. Yeah, if you're safe and you have a sex care. And's just a whole. It's just safe. Yeah, if you're safe and you have a sex and care. And you're consenting, it's totally fine. It doesn't matter. Yeah, because it doesn't define you.

I'm gonna have to go through that at some point when I realize what my son is into. Right. I don't have no idea yet. I mean, but you know, I remember. Probably women, he seems normal. I mean, what does it seem inherently evil? We're hoping.

Yeah, all the trucks I just bought him. Literally boxed Sam. He's more interested in the truck stops. The trucks. What if that makes kids gay? Just buying them trucks, I don't want to blow guys in truck stops. And we're going to stop here. That's where we'll stop again.

They just go in the back of his his sand pile. It's just little truck stops with two men sucking each other off and bushes. He's a guy Joe is 69. Well Max likes he likes like we're over with my calcestos and he went in and his daughter is the same age and he grabbed she had a Barbie doll and he goes, I want a Barbie doll. Yeah. And it doesn't even phase me. Yeah, I play Barbie. Yeah, like no, I don't even play with Barbie.

Well, I don't think so. Old straight Joe. But that's... I'm just saying on it, I mean, I'm pro Barbie, a pro gay. I mean, I'm gay, but I didn't prove it. Prove it on Rocky. My nephew, my ex-stats, my cousin actually. I remember as a kid'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. And I don't know if that like had something to do with that like I think you're born gay like I'd be like It's like it is weird like that just like happened like because he actually bonded with women later better in life I was a dumb question. I understand this is dumb But one of they did any tests on that where they just had a Well, they just gave a kid a bunch of girl stuff From you know being a baby. It's all yet. It It just girl stuff if that had a influence on him. If that would have influence on him.

And they made him watch a bunch of gay porn, like Clockwork Orange. I'm a good child. Oh, gay porn. Clockwork Orange. Ah, there it is. Do you ever accidentally click on a video? Never accidentally.

Clockwork, no. Just orange, you're glad it's not. I would, I would. I would type it, fuck it up. I type it all, the theme room suck off. And I'm, I, just orange. You're glad it's not. I have Jack. I type it, I type it all. Steam room suck off. I've never actually done that. Have you ever seen the bang bus where they get these dudes on a bus?

And then they have the girl and the girl like pulls out her tears and kind of jacks them off. And then she goes, if you want to fuck me, you got to fuck this dude. And then like they fuck the dude, so I watch the whole video waiting for the girl to come in. And then it just antsy comes and dudes back and it just ends. And there was like no girl That's hilarious. We send me the link Any common sense would say that she's not coming back Like doing unless he's using our new sponsor,

fucking Blue Choo. Blue Choo. Blue Choo. That'd be a great ad. That's fucking funny. I don't know, dude. I don't know. I'm so glad, though.

It makes me, it kills me that kids feel a certain way and have to live in that horror. Their whole child, I mean, to burn your clothes or to feel shame and feel fucked up just because of something, some desire in you that you did. And now, you know, and now you're who you are, who the fuck, you know, who says who anybody is? I mean, if you want to fucking bang guys or it's funny too because I bet you get shit

for ratios. Like, oh, you have sex with women. You want to the wall, you want to have sex with a guy that's bullshit. You ever get shit from gay guys? Like, that's where I've gotten the most, like pushback from. It's because, that's where you want the most fresh, fresh, fresh, fresh, fresh.

I've got the most fucked in the ass from. I'm not gonna be a fuck. Oh, that was the next question, yeah. That was a go-a, right there. Yeah. Gay guys can really suck. Hopefully. Yeah, a lot of the gay community, a lot of them were like, no, you're just gay. You're just be gay.

It meant that you're gay. Yeah, why can't you be, but why can't you be? What would they call that? I get bisexual, but is there something else? I get confused because apparently like gender is not real. It's like a construct, but sexuality is real. I'm like, no, I think gender is like pretty basic. You're either this or that, or you feel you're this or that, but like sexuality, I think is way fluid. Well, yeah, it's

like some guys, I mean, that's where the right loses me, where it's just it gets into fucking Christianity and right you know It's like you're either a guy or a girl and you have sex with it You know it's like what we're like living a kid using times We're like trans over a hotter now more than they've ever been yeah, so like you show like I'm a red-blooded straight man You show him like Bailey J and like she is hot. You know like they got a dick They're like my world's crashing. What am I it's like you're just a dude. Yeah, like sex. You're not even a dude You're a human. Yeah, I mean you're a human being. We're all just

Humans, we we just we divided each other up just so okay this what is that? Oh, that's a vagina Mm-hmm, and okay, what is that? That's a penis. What do you call the one with the penis? A guy What do you call them with a girl just to know what it was, but we're all human beings. I mean, if you even look at sex as weird, to, to, I mean, look, I had that in my act where it was like, you know, a vagina, a penis is to make a life, you know, it's supposed to go into a fucking vagina

you're supposed to shoot you load, take it out and hope a child comes out and her breasts to defeat the child. I mean, that's just biblically and scientifically, that's what it was made for. Along the way, we learn how to fun with these things. Not to have a child, you know. I mean, licking of a vagina, I don't know if you were

supposed to lick of a vagina. No. I don't think you were supposed to go down and lick it. What about licking it? Licking it after you are a camin' it. What? You lick it after you're camin' it, right? Yeah. I at it after you are a came in it. You look at after you're coming in it, right? Yeah.

I think they all sucked the life back into you. Find out what other, I think most of the only other animal that eat pussy. What? Yeah, a moosey, moose pussy. Moose pussy. They do. Now, I just, you know, I mean, sucking a dick is a weird thing. Why would you put somebody's cock in your mouth and suck it for fun? Yeah, for fun and then swallow the air to sleep over swallow the cum

Why don't you swallow come come as gross? I don't like come love that headline what swallow come no bear Just joined the list of animals who perform oral sex. Yeah, let's go. There's a list. There's a list of animals that That he's learned what an auto was Mexican Well, I'll change to long on Mexican Damn, we're gonna get them confused now All right, let's not all look at Mike trying to find it The male bear arey. We can't read on the show. Let Mike get it. It takes him a minute to get it. He's going to get it and then we'll be in it.

There we go. You got it? Manobos, female cheetahs and lions and Chinese fruit bats have all been observed, a performing oral sex. Yeah. Is it for pleasure? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a little tough.

No, it's for business. Gay character, Joe Manop. No. No, I'm saying like, did they know that like, there's like a cheetah know that it's like, that it's helping the other person? Is it like kind of like, out the person?

And the cheetah is five afterwards, so yeah, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Even cheetahs are married, do it down the cheetahs. No, not fucking scholars, we're just not dumb. Ha, ha, ha, ha. No, we're talking about cheetahs.

Yeah, we call the cheetah a person. That is the fuck. Listen, not whatever, it's not a person. It's just an animal, it's a mammal. Okay, I'm a dumb cheetah run. I'm a dumb as you, 72 miles an hour. That was a question. Fuck off.

Listen, here's the hell. What, I just handed the question. Listen, I'm a dumb as you. I'm just trying to help you. 70 miles an hour. What's up with numbers? 60. It's like 30.

I just said whatever he did. He didn't get run 70 miles an hour. How fast can you run? Look it up. For sprint. Look it up. I will literally I will suck your dick that fast. Yes. What is Zach doing?

If it is more or less than 70, I will also suck you. Guys hang on hang on. Any number at all. I was in audio. There are cameras are on. All right. The camera. What's happening? Stop for one second, guys. Here are camera what's happening stop for one second guys? Oh just the camera failed It froze your camera froze the rest of the cameras are working did I touch 65 miles to 75 miles an hour? 65 70 miles an hour. Yeah, I am

Running a hundred oh two kilometers damn it. Yeah, fuck off. There you go. Say sorry No, I was surprised. That's a surprise. Yeah, but you told you talked to me like I was an idiot. No, it's not true. That's not true He's Joe and by the way, you weren't even confident about it. You fucking started back You lied about it. I said I said 72 and then I said around 60 You were just making shit up. Now when I was like they don't run 70 You're like I just said I did not I said look it up You might get back to the tape. Oh, I go back

Let's bet a dick fuck hang on what's that Just try to live stop trying to relive your fucking Listen, I as soon as you said that I said Mike look it up. That's a fact. Yes, but I said Mike look it up But before that you did a thing you saw it. Yeah, you saw it No, it's like no, they don't run 70 and I said 60 and I just said whatever I said 60 it might be 60, but I knew it was up there and you said bullshit and I said I look it up bullshit I was first of all I was I wasn't I was okay Right now stop right now.

Watch this, everybody listening, you have the option to go back, go back and listen to what, listen to the body go, I didn't even know I was just saying. No, I was just, I wasn't just belief, I wasn't arguing with you. I was saying that I might be 60 or 70, not 72. And then when you said, both shit, I said, Mike, look it up, it's, go back and listen and then call in and tell us 917

to Is this a lot? I was gonna give you I know you were last time you ever saw me. No, I know I know I would never I Solid I never do this listen. Here's a deal. Yes. I want you to eat. I want you to tweet Joe if he's wrong tweet me if I'm wrong Go back listen to it, but I was go back. Yeah if he's wrong. Tweet me if I'm wrong. Go back, listen to it. But I was, let's go back. Yeah, that's it. It's gonna be done next week. When this comes out, you'll know.

But, not- I wasn't arguing. I was expressing disbelief of what? It was disbelief of- I bet you. And I thought you took a stab in the dark at it. I did not, I did not take a stab. I knew it was between 60 and 72.

You took a stab in the dark like Ian and fifth grade I bet you a few right speaking of bets. How do you know he was speaking of bets? Apparently fucking end of hear me can I tell you something about bets? Can I please say this man? It's good leading. Okay, good. I just won. I've made my first sports bet of my life and won. Whoa! I'm excited.

I have a patch of the Red Sox. No, LSU Tigers. Over the Georgia Bulldog. Blue up, I won. Blue up, whoo! Romano lost by one time. Running Tiger, I'm gonna lose. Blue up, I said go, blue up.

What? Blue up. No, we're going rolling thunder. Rolling up. We're going to know what it is. Don't, you know what it is. don't, you know what it is. Blue, I said it before, don't worry, what's the fuck's blue up?

It's like a blue dolphin. No, it's, bro, look, roll, tap, roll, tap, roll, tap. Roll, tap, I feel both season is here, we all know that because the patch kicked ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they loved my past. And, and, and, Brady were in for that, and the guy missed the tackle and

And I let go of the ride right through the ball. What a sad red socks. Oh God. They won One-one yeah going back to the fuck it. What are you? Oh? One-one wow that was Ian that time that was Ian So football season is well underway and let me ask you something. Is anybody doing a bat? Are you winning your office pool? Are you winning your stuff? Fantasy.

You are. Dominating fantasy. Except for Cooper Cups, fucking concussion. We should have fucking win out of the game. All right, well, here's the deal. What is it? I'm gonna tell you right now. Can you stop swearing during my read?

I mean, I'm having a talk. I have to give you. You're a good Southern boy. Just. Yes, sir. Listen, here's the deal. Uh, how would you like to double your money? That sounds great, Bobby. Tell me how? I'll tell you, it's guaranteed to know way our friends at bet the SI are making that possible. This football season, when

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and you're already won by doubling your bank row straightaway. That's promo code YKWD100 to get into the action get paid. Don't stand on the sidelines this season. Be in it to win it. Enjoy the games that much more when you play. Bet the Si. I want to thank laughable.com for being a sponsor of the show, for being one of the only apps out there for podcasting and comedians. They're behind comics more than anybody I've ever seen. They are just total comedy. They're doing a comedy show at the pussycat very soon. So look out for tickets for that. laughable.com. You love podcasting. You love comedy. get the app today. Well, today. It's great. Got it.

Get it. Yeah, you got it. I want to thank all the people that have joined my Patreon too. Listen, if you're, I'm gonna tell you again, just go patreon.com. That's Robert Kelly. Become a member. I got so much shit up there right now. I got so much stuff.

I'm gonna be putting a one on one I did with my calter up there on the ship. I got a bunch of stuff. We're gonna be shooting a one on one I did with my counter up there on the ship. I got a bunch of stuff. We're gonna be shooting some more stuff that's like I did with Paul Verzi. So please, my live from the shed, I got Rich Voss's episode coming up next month. I got David Bryan's episode, the keyboard player from Bon Jovi, Gabby's dad is going up the month after that. I've got Liza Colbe coming on. I got such a fuck, lie from the shed. We're gonna be moving it to lie from the pussy cat.

I'll be on there in December. On what? On lies from the shed? I just made that up. I would love to have you on there. Oh, that'd be great. No, I mean, if you get more famous and popular, I would definitely love for that to happen.

Patreon.com slash rob's Robert Kelly right now. What do we get up there? What do we get up there? Let's show me what we get up there for stuff. Scroll down. You get the YKWD first before anybody else. You get the audio version of this show up there for you guys. You get saved the date. These are all, you can unlock these right now. Become a member. It's a cup of coffee a month. That's it. One cafe latte a month and you're supporting your boy, Robert Callie. If you're a fan of me, you need to go there right now.

Put it whatever you do in town and become a member to support the page for a cup of coffee a month so I can keep doing more stuff. And this thing can get bigger and bigger and bigger. That's great. So much. Yeah. My Patreon, I want to blow it up this year. get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger so much. Yeah Yeah, my patreon I want to blow it up this year. I'm gonna start. I started filming shit I want to film some more stuff me and Joe are actually gonna work on something. Yeah, let's do it. Oh, that's fun Yeah, I'm gonna get a great idea that we've had for a while

Yeah, yeah, but we're gonna really step on it now I don't have much time left. You saw the IPCC report. Oh, that's right. 2040, Doug. You got a son. I thought there's 20, 20. What are you talking about? 2040. Climate change, Doug.

Fucking fuck. We're going down. What are you talking about explaining? Six thousand scientists from around the world. Said what? Say we have about 12 years to make significant change, or we're gonna see some horrible, horrible ship by 2040. Already happening. I mean, Hurricane Michael, Spain is about to get their first hurricane they've ever

got and they never got hurricanes before crippling hurricane last year through Houston, Puerto Rico. Is it pain to make a line up? Yes. They're saying possibly. I mean, you got to hope at this point for this carbon vacuum, carbon capture. Okay, so 40 years max will be what? No, no, 22 years, 2040. All right, she's going to be what? I know. 22 will be what? No, no, 22 years, 24 years. He's gonna be what?

I know. 22 to be 26. 26 is good. How old is he? That's fine. He'll live through a good life. Yeah, that's good life. It's a quarter of a century.

26. That 26 is perfect. You got your under years ago. That was like, I wish I died at 26. Oh, great. You got kids, bro. He better start getting serious. Yeah, but I'm gonna be gone by then.

Yeah, let's be honest. Yeah, no, you got to laugh with that. So fucking, you know, I mean, don't agree with me so fast. No, you'll be gone before me. You'll bang without a combo. No, dude. You can live with it. You can live with it. You can live with it. It helps. Yeah. Pratt. Healthy. Be prep hair. I hate to do a kid who do an age joke anymore without people. No, you can live with it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's fucking guys in polio now. Smoking is going to kill me. You got to read this report. It's something else. It's not going to read a report. Tell me about it. Well, you told me about it. We got 22 years.

What are we going to do? Tell me what I need to do. What you need to do is you're going to become a single issue voter. You got to vote as one party that does not believe in the science because the Koch brothers of funding them, big gas and oil is funding them. That's the only reason not to believe in it. It's the science.

It's NASA. It's Stephen Hawking. It's scientists from all over the world. I don't believe the guy in the chair. All right. I don't even think he's a genius. I don't think he's a genius. Well, the big chair in the sky.

I mean, how do we really know that was him? Yeah. I could have been doing that. You could have been the vote, bro? That could have been Jimmy Carr just typing shit in. Kill Brady. I don't know that. Good, man. I'm fucking on.

Nobody's listening to anybody. He was just trying to get a good one in. I'm trying to get one in your screaming over mine. I screamed over yours. Joe's trying to be saved the world. I'm trying. Joe's fucking Jane Fondin. I don't even have a kid.

You got a kid. Yeah, but you will have a kid by then. I will not have a kid. So I'm trying to push this kid. Don't have a kid. I'm not. Joe's like a Jane Fond in. I don't even have a kid. You got a kid. Yeah, but you will have a kid by then. I will not have a kid. So I'm trying to push this kid. Don't have a kid. I'm not having a kid. Are you kid? Read the report, dog.

Hang on one second. Why can't you call you dog first off? That's what I want to know. I call you dog one time. You lost your shit. He's called you dog 17 times. Because he's doing it sarcastically. You did it like you're dropping a fucking rap album.

Yes. Okay, that's why you do it for real. And he's literally joking, making fun of people like you. That's why he can. Don't point that out. Okay, that's why you do it for real and he's literally joking making fun of people like you. That's why he can don't point that out. He didn't realize that. That's from Alabama. Listen, that makes sense.

I don't want to. Listen, yeah, I want to why would you tell somebody? Honestly, why would you tell somebody not to have a kid? That is such a. I was one of the IP's. Hang on a second. That's such a, because we're the IPs. Hang on a second. That's such a ridiculous thing to say to somebody. Having a kid, having a kid,

having a kid is one of the greatest things I've ever done. It made me a better person. Having a child. I know. So why would you tell my friend who's married? And not have a kid. Now I just want to know why. I'm saying it like, you're wrong.

Maybe you changed my mind. Good. From my perspective and my point of view, for me personally. Yep. Keep in mind he's gay. You mind you can't have kids from hands. We all know that gay people are pedophiles. Wow.

Wow. Wow. That's so far. Even on this you're joking. Everyone's joking. I have a race. Come on. Hey, yeah, it's just a white sheet. Wow. That was wild. For me, even the red neck is like what the fuck was that? There are a lot of you step, buddy. They're just queers. They don't like kids. For me,

personally, I don't want to bring anyone into the world that I could not fully take care of. And at this point in my life, I know that I couldn't take care of the person. That's fine. Maybe it would jumpstart me into working harder. But that's fine. But Joe, okay, yes, it absolutely does.

Also, I think there are too many people on the planet. There are way too many people. There's too many people who would have fucking crowded people Want to have multiple kids multiple kids if you want to have one kid treat like China just one okay Well, here's a deal you shouldn't tell somebody don't have a kid like having a kid is a terrible thing It's not just one to a wedding in Delaware Okay, and everyone came out to me and they were like look at I have you love my kid But you're really you're smart. No, they're stupid people, they're dumb people.

They don't believe that. They're just saying that because it's the goofy thing to say. Trust me, I've said the same thing and I don't mean it one second. Having a kid is the only way you're going to change the fucking world, by the way. Because if you had a kid and you had a kid and you had a kid, and with the, I know you guys are, those kids would grow up to be great fucking people and those kids would have great Values and common sense and do the right thing for the planet and other people and other human beings So that's how you change the fucking world. So don't tell people not to have a kid

You should tell people to like Joe to have a kid Mike not a kid. Yeah, but Joe. No, I'm kidding Mike Should have a kid his kid will be sneaking across the border Not a kid. Yeah, but Joe. No, I'm kidding Mike should have a kid his kid will be sneaking across the border No, I'm saying you should you should tell people I can tell so does it but you shouldn't tell people not to have a kid just because it's it's it's bad I think things are just too crowded and it's getting worse It's not crowded to have one kid or two kids We don't have eight kids anymore first first of all, nobody does that. People have kids way later now because career

and self importance is so, so, the end in 2040. What doesn't matter? Unless we do something about it, rock the vote, baby. Having kids, my kids gonna be 20 something in that age to vote. He's gonna have a smart brain, he's gonna treat women with respect. He's gonna teach other men with respect.

He's gonna be a person of change. He's not gonna have racism. All that shit's given to you, dude. All that shit is given to you. It's taught, it's not something you have in you. What are we gonna do in here? Or he's not gonna have a chance. What?

We have to do it first, or he's not gonna have a chance. What? We have to do it first. Or he's not going to have a chance. He's going to have a chance. It's going to be the report, bro. And they start taking the sit. Look, I understand what you're saying and you're right. But believe me, what you think, you think billionaires and millionaires, those people don't want to be around in 20 years. They don't get their old like Donald Trump. Most millionaires, most millionaires out old. What's the statistic? What's the, the age on most millionaires. 10 years. Most millionaires out old. What's the statistic? Eight? What's the, the age on most millionaires?

They are. And they don't have to worry because they're going to be with four. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. So I keep, I keep touching Zach's fucking cameras and I

can feel his fucking Pakistani anger. Almost like 54 kids. 58. 59. I want 58. Yeah. They still have what 20, 30, maybe 25 years left. Depending on how they're going to be.

Yeah, you're right. It's over. Yeah, there's trouble. And a lot of them are getting rich from the things that's causing the problem. Yeah, like Walmart's, man. Big oil, gas, coal, gas. What pulls me away is how much fucking fish we take out of the ocean every day. Is that too? Overpopulation, overfishing. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I did like this a hill dead babies on it Fine it's like Spartacus. I just got the fucking over the thermal. I mean they had that drawer where you can just drop off your Yeah, you did that right. That's the true thing. Yeah, not anymore

Well, they did for a while. I don't know if they still do that. I think I give you kid five years You don't love them if you don't really love him you kill him. Yeah, I agree with that You kill him. Yeah, I agree with that. I mean Late-time abortion roll time roll time Eagle cry. See yeah, no, hour at the underground is pretty killer. Oh, she's my new hour. I've seen it. New one? Yeah. Not the new one.

I've seen it live. And live. Live. Come to the alive. Live. I don't think we have anything to worry about Joe. Why do you say that? I'll tell you what.

I'll tell you what. I'm responsible of you to say. Because people are listening. I know right, Bob's right.. Because people are listening to me. I know, right, Bob's right. My first one, my listener's not listening to me. I'm not, if I tell you what. People deny you to be a part of it. I tell them what a Patreon every week, none of them do. But you think they're gonna,

hey, don't you straws, fuck heads. But people believe all the other science. They believe, the same scientist, they go, here's what time the sun is gonna set. And here's what time the high tide is going to be. And there's a big hurricane off the coast. It's gonna rain tomorrow. And this is how an iPhone works.

And here's how a car work. It's all the same scientists. They just choose not to believe this one science. Why? It's backed by gas and oil companies. Because there's money to be made all over. There's money to be made off of it. So they don't want you to get it out of it.

So what can you do to change it aside from rocking the vote? You can vote. You can vote with your dollar also but the man these guys got it has to come from the the government because they have to put giant taxes on pollution and and carbon burning carbon all that horse shit and the democrats is the only ones who want to do that yet the right is a few freezes to acknowledge it as a problem because the money because the group is amazing is it. Why? Because the money. Because the greed is to make money. And what's amazing is it didn't always that way. Nixon was a Republican. He was the first guy to pass environmental laws. It was starting with Reagan who wanted

to stimulate the economy. And then they started getting backed by these Koch brothers and mobile and exon and stuff like that. It's quite clear. This isn't some conspiracy theory. It's out there. I understand. And they're still wearing a tin foil hat right now.

Take that hat off. I'll take it back. Oh, it's spring water bottle. That's for sure. But yeah, you can, you know, you can fucking recycle and ship. But yeah, it starts from, but we can do what we can by voting with our dollar and fuck. Now, are you ready?

But in 20 years, are you ready to go live in the woods? Are you ready to go? No, that's what I got to talk to you about. I got to, we got to bushcraft party boys because we're gonna have a global collapse policy. I am fucking, am I'm slowly but surely getting ready to survive in the fucking woods fuck yeah I'm just gonna kill

myself that's what you know we're gonna come with me all right I'm gonna give me my little fuck boy I'll fuck you look at it to the future I'm gonna give you a nice little sup boy lean to have you ever thought about how awesome is gonna be though cuz like if like, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, Put her save her what I'm gonna kill my mom you guys So she doesn't suffer and put one in my head You rocking the vote Mike

Midterms bro, I gotta have to email I already vote is yeah, but that change takes so long We're already fucked we should have been rocking the vote 10 years ago Well, we did rock the vote, but we have the fucking fucking what do you call elliptical Justin? What do you call the thing with the votes electoral college? Bush we would have been out right right right and then fucking Clinton beat Trump Just what do you call the thing with the votes electoral college? Oh, the electoral college. Be Bush. We would have been out of the process. Right, right, right. And then fucking Clinton beat Trump.

Oh, we get this goddamn electoral college. And Bernie B. You stopped. I do really exactly. Do you really think Clinton would have fucking done anything? She would have done more. She even colleges at least. It's the...

She wouldn't have done shit. She had to pass in the system. She wouldn't have done shit. For the environment? She's a fucking criminal Just like just like Trump look, and I'm not a Clinton fan. Yeah, but it's not pharmaceuticals and environmental I mean Gore is probably the most into the environment. Oh would have done something right where we haven't heard from him at all

No, he's still he's so into it. He's still into it He's making another movie. Why didn't he make one about Trump? He makes it That was my good environment. No, no, he actually make it more But he's a doctor made about surfing okay. Yeah, he's into surfing now who Gore oh, fun surfing a sort of guy to make one big way I'm all the way surfing he was some all the shit that got done then he was like I fucked up because of Trump now. That's worse And you got a new one coming out. He always wait for I don't I don't even know let me just tell you some I don't claim to be smart. I don't fucking know any other shit

But this fucking CNN Fox every single hunk of shit news that I read It just seems like I don't know who's lying who's telling the truth and I think that's what they want ratings Yeah, but yeah, but it's it's it's it's where do you get your information from? I mean where is there a fucking biased place to get your information How does your you just look at it? It is it's like who's in charge right now? Who's passing the law is saying they can do the Horrible things to the environment the Republicans are in charge right now. They're the ones passing those laws So it's not even about the news telling you what's what It's just the voting there about the economy and the economy matters too. I'm telling you money and are the United States of America making money

People having jobs and people look about the environment. They just want to work and feed their family That's all because because they can only see what's in front of you that day or that week because your life is Fucking tragic. It's you know being short-sighted that's not your life is fucking tragic. It's not being short-sighted. That's how it becomes so much to go. It's being in your reality. Most people's reality isn't about, most people don't want to be famous. Most people don't want to have a million dollars. They just want to work and feed their kids and have a weekend and watch a little TV.

Right, but it's the people who are getting like hummers instead of a Toyota Corolla or something of that nature. Yeah. They can get an economy car. They don't have a car. My car has a Hummer. You can talk to him with my friend. You shouldn't have that car.

There's no reason for him to fucking have that car. Come on, call him right now. Call him your son that. Silly. He has it because it's excessive. I'm gonna tell him you said that. You're gonna have this car. Oh, he knows it's excessive.

He's got a small dick and his balls and then go to. He's probably got a big dick. Also, I think that's why you shouldn't have kids because then you make Decision Mike Mike we're on my part. You're on the YKWD live We're talking Ian finance. We got Rocky DL Davis. We got a guy named Joe missed No, it's Joe Litz he knows me. I I know. I was giving you an ant a fucking cover. Hey, Mike, it's Joe Litz. And we're talking about the environment and mushy Mike brought you up and I brought you a word. He said that

anybody with a hammer should not be able to drive that car because you're fuck and they have a little dick. I said, excessive is what i said mhm parking to vagina ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha on judge. But what was saying, Michael, and I don't before I don't that the in the 20 environment, I don't care if I would get baby seals. All right. I got a Chevy's part. I'm sorry. What did you say about baby seals? I can't hear that guy. I'm not ignoring my just can't hear him. I what did you say about baby seals? I said I'd give baby seals seat covers if I if they were comfortable enough. I'm not worried about it. Life life goes on, things are cyclical, commercial, comfortable, I'm a big fat guy if I if they were comfortable and I'm not worried about it life life goes on Things are sick would go come or is there comfortable on a big fat guy? I need a big comfortable Come what you want?

Well, they're saying Joe list said that in in what is it not Joe list? What did you say? Scientists Scientists said that the people that sent us to the moon said this Said what Florida is a spark. he lives in Florida for God's sake what they say they said that in 2040 we could be completely unlivable we don't change our system because it's already happening hurricane

Michael came out of nowhere devastated hurricanes more and more often more vicious every year Florida is going to be underwater Miami look at it look the stuff up it's the only science people deny why is it the way to go to New York or by the end of people like what they're

because they're idiots they're more honest idiots but I like you which a lot of the Joe loves you he said I really do yeah I'm not mad at Joe for caring about the environment but you don't give a fuck about it no of course I do. I recycle. He has a turtle. I got a blue can and a gray can. I put my cans in the blue can with the fuck out of your upper.

You're supposed to get rid of your hammer. Micky, Moussie Mike said you shouldn't have a hammer. I'm rocked to the floor, bro. I said, but okay. What did you say, Mike? I said, having a hammer is excessive. Well, that's new. Like what's acceptable from Mike? It's not like what's acceptable for Mike.

It's not about what's up for me. It's for the environment. It's not about me. It's not about him. It's what acceptable for the environment. OK. So what is he think? What why?

Because he uses a lot of gas. Is that the problem? Mainly, it's going to be used. It uses more fossil fuels than any other vehicle you can get right now on the further road. That's all we're getting. that's why we're talking about we have to review a reduce our fossil fuel fuel usage and that's what people are maybe you need it because you're a giant guy

there's a lot of people who drive in Texas who aren't giant people who just have them to have the hook mic you got them you got them you mic you got them back and have some kind of other ropes no no I have to say what you say it but I believe you just fall into the propaganda people want to go on ropes. No, no, I have to say what you say, but I believe you just fall into the propaganda. People want to go home or they really don't have the science to back it up. There's nobody cares about these, you know, these giant jets that are flying out and spitting oil or everything. No, they're not. There are only a couple of things that other groups of Madda people are

people concerned about jets, but jets are a way to get some place faster. You could get to the same place in the same speed without a hummer with a compact car sir well certainly not in the same comforts are that's fair well i mean your comfort is more important than your kids future that's fair that's a choice that you're making and that's understandable listen well you know what the thing is driving that giant car is sure my road

going over the years back in the day when i moved from town. I don't have a guy down here Look to be for two seconds. I want to get a car I just drive over shit. I smile at my head So you're destroying the environment by getting over your own rage. That's nice. He just convinced me My computer is all of us. We're all getting hummers Yeah, you know my you convinced all of us. We're all getting hummers I tell you I lie I don't I like your hammer. I don't like it because I fucking snap in a kill is every time I'm 5'8 Mike. I want to accommodate you. I'm gonna get a rope ladder that drops out when you're

Thinking I'm a ladder. I mean I wouldn't do a rope ladder. Maybe a step would be a little easier rope ladder and twist around on in the wind Listen, I love you Mike. I do too. I'm Joe list likes you too Mike. Mushi Mike. You like Mike? I think it's great He loves you. I'll be in Tampa next year Mike I will say this I've been in a hammer and they are amazingly Mike you really slip this fucking Mexican, but they are and minus super lifted because my penis is small. And I've had a built-in iPad and a dash. We're, I mean, we're level above the average hummer. Yes.

Yeah. Did you really have a small penis? I mean, in reference to the rest of my body size, it's probably a little small, but my loss way would be adequate, I believe. Just like a jerk, my wife says, like, a cannon red bull. A cannon red bull. The thin cans, or the, the like a five hour energy yeah fine

he said five hour energy he said five minutes hey let me ask you how did you mail my watch no no i uh tried to put it on to you though and i almost cut off my security you're a tiny girl risk, I have regular human beings. You have silverback guerrillas. No, I have a charity thing I'm going to tonight and my daughter's sick.

So, I think we're about a meal tomorrow. Okay, okay, cool. Oh, and I found that drum kit too. Mike had a hook up with the guy. Good. Send an email to me. I'll have a few of the little weeks. You know what?

You're the best. You're my best friend. This has been the best. You're my best friend. This has been the best. You're a chill list. The best friend's everybody best. The best. Let me always say this Mike really. The last two weeks have been the best weeks of my one of the best two weeks of my life. We're still in the air.

All right, we have to find our families of bonding. We're chillin' like a couple of days. Max and Don are calling in. Our wives bonded. Our wives loved each other, which was the most important thing. We're, we're, we're, we're, we put together. All right. Oh, what do you only watch it depot it? I gotta go goodbye. Depot it. I'll talk to you. I love you, buddy. Sure. Goodbye. I think we did. I think we helped. I think we saved. I don't think he did it. I think he just converted somebody who is like you should have a more down payment on a scunk and hummer. Yeah, he's like if it lies in an iPad and it has a lift how much is the lease?

It's got second back down what the fuck Mike? They're still excessive, but they are comfortable I get it fucking spine is like you're now fucking mushy In your asshole. Okay, come on Third up Okay, come on. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,'s pretty big, man. It's a cool thing. It's great. Thanks, man. Thanks. I got that. And I got some road dates coming up. I got I will be with David's hell this weekend out in our next weekend in Spokane, but I'm headlining the Thursday and Sunday comedy works South November 8 through 10th. And I'm doing Columbus, Ohio, December 12th. And he is one of our regulars at the comedy.

So I was very. So Vegas is pretty much every week. I mean, I'm literally there from the 14th of November to December 2. Oh, he's mixing those two the same set. So please come out and see that hilarious. And one of my favorite. Got to fix my fucking website. Well, your website's amazing.

I love it. It's really great. That's the story I told. I got drunk and threw up on a girl when I was having sex with her. There was on MTV. Yeah. I'm your joke that you told about how you wanted it. What was it? The racist grandpa did him not a lot of day black woman until he dies. Yeah. So he goes I really want a day to black grudge to wait for my grandfather to die. Yeah. Oh also anybody important when he has a shoe hook up for a deed is her Nike you can get it in the store please let me know because I'm fucking trying to go so I don't understand what you just did. I'm going to I'm gonna Portland I'm going to the Portland heatham so I'm I'm on October 24th and I'm trying so I'm going to the Portland

Heatham because they have the Adidas and Nike store there and like if you go in the store Yeah, like 50% off like everything like like like Top boy shit. It's like in super nice Oh really my fucking pot head friend thought I was asking for passes like the regular stores, like, yeah, I got them. And then now like some time, look, so Portland, Portland, he did my get your tickets to the show, October 24th, get me the pass of the employee store.

You're acting like it. Okay. All right, so you need tickets, I would ever do. October 26th, that's epic. Watch this, here's this epic. Watch that. October 26th on the epic. Yep.

Very funny guy, great man. What do you got Ian? Oh, hi Next Thursday, I'm gonna be doing a long set at the Comedy Star App like pussy cat Y'all should check it out 7 p.m. I got a bunch of stuff in the city Just go to my website e and finance.com and E-N-E-N-E-M-O-On Instagram. Awesome, buddy. Thanks for coming on. Thanks for having me, dude. Good to see you. I love it.

Yeah, yeah, miss you, man. Joey, what do you got, buddy? Robert, I love you. I have love for you is what I have. I love you. Weekend. Weekend. I'll be at the Sacramento punchline, October 25th, 26th, 27th.

Everyone says it's a tough market. So if you're nearby, you get a ticket. It's a tough, I'd like to have a few people there. So come out to that. And then St. Louis Funnybone, which headline me way before anyone else would headline me. I'll be there in November 15, 16, 17. And of course you can hear Tuesdays with stories.

How was last week at the club at the... I was in Norway. Oh, oh really? What were you knowing? Wait, DC Draftouns? DC Draftouns, I'm just there this actual week and October 19th, the 20th, you're listening live. Yeah, listen live fake me DC draft house. I'm there this actual weekend October 19 the 20 Listening live yeah, listen live go see him and I love that club. Oh, I love it so much. Oh the guy books It's a great guy Sean Joyce. Yeah, that's a good guy really great guy. He kind of created a scene there

He created the scene and he's the scene is actually really great because it's not just one type of comedy It's it's every I feel like it's every type of comic. He gets everybody in there. Yeah, it's not just one type of comedy. It's every, I feel like it's every type of comedy. He gets everybody in there. Yeah, it's a great city too. And I'm going to spend some time letting people know. I might, you know, make a couple of signs and let the senators and congressmen know what's up. Yeah, it sounds like you'll make some waves.

Yeah, just kidding. I won't leave the room. But, and then October 30th, we got your pal, Bert Kreischer, we're doing a live Tuesday's with stories at the Hollywood improv Tuesday. We got Nick Vatterot Henry Phillips. My buddy is opening and Bert will be there and it's gonna be fun. It's great hilarious. I'll be with Bert next week.

Yeah, Bert's hilarious. Bert, I was on the cruise with him. He fucking, he went up after me murdered. His new hour on Netflix is hilarious. He's doing new material now on the road. He's got a tour coming out, unfuckable label. I'm gonna be at the West Palm Beach improv this weekend, the 19th to the 21st. So if you're gonna be around, go there,

and then I'm going to be, I'm back in, I'm at governor, I'm a fat black next Wednesday. Are you on that? Oh, it believes like that. And you're on that, right? I don't know. Yeah, you were supposed to meet that day, remember? Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm we're meeting. I didn't know I was on your show. I asked you. I said, you just could we'll do the meeting and then we'll, we'll, you said, I'll drive back. I'm

at the fat black. You didn't say what you'd like to be on the show. I did. I said, would you, you can be on the show if you can do it and or you can just, I can drive you back. I said both. Oh, all right. I'm on the show. All right. There you go. I'm gonna show this is on that show. Um, McGuire's, I can't wait to do that. I can't fucking love McGuire's salvators and Lawrence. Then I do comics come home, Acme comedy club. I mean, the list goes on. Go to Robert Kelly live. I'm at Uncle Vinnie's, uh, November 17th, uh, comedy on Carlson. I'm, I'm at so many places, man. I'm working literally until April. I just booked a tour that I've been trying to get off me Ron Bennington, Jim Florentine and Rich Voss.

Wow. Wow. One night only. Wow. Releasing all the information very soon. Oh, I always want to get that. Wow. So we are going to be this. So go to robberkilllive.com for tickets back what you got.

Oh, you could follow me on Instagram if you like stand-up pictures. I'm at human places. The easy three. I love your Instagram. It's great. It's very nice. It's such a great person. I mean, I don't know you that well as a person, but I enjoy your photography very well. And you've always been very pleasant to me. You just heard her talk. I mean, you can just assume. She's also the old person. Those two senses. She's a great person. I'm just trying to be genuine. We haven't spent a lot of time together. Mike, what do you have besides low self-esteem?

You tell that city you didn't have a choice. I had no will to fight for the earth. Jesus, you came apart. I really did, dude. I put you on the phone. I thought you were gonna fucking fight him. You had that omfinha. I thought you were gonna attack him.

He's saying you're gonna save it all for a man. You're gonna text us vote, don't you? That's a valuable vote. You got to rock that vote. Yeah, you got to go. It's good, good, good, good, good, good. Rock the vote. I'm voting red.

Rock the vote. Rock the vote. I don't know. Why would I even do that? All right. You can see me around the lantern or a quick in the cave. That's usually our map in the city. Yeah.

OK. That's when he started to fuck him. Zach. What do you got? Oh, that's unfortunate. He's acting you guy It's the worst you got out this mic that I've been on the last year as it doesn't actually work this whole time Well, it has not really no that's why you couldn't hear it once I was at a program show You know they're playing all night and then like three chords the way through the show Eddie better's like Mike tell that the guitars Mike tell that story about your mother and he goes to tell it and Mike's dead he goes I fucking knew it he's singing back up all night on a mic that didn't work as a little rocker all humor you know what yeah see you next week

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