Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Dan Soder, Joe List "Lured"

Episode Date: September 27, 2021

This weeks Regs Dan Soder and Joe List are back in with Bobby for an old school YKWD! What's Joe like after making his own movie, is moving to Jersey a good idea, we solve a mystery of bigfoot, and get on air scratch ticket surprise! https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly Bonus Episode, YKWD Overtime, LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en preno, conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la Dición Especial de Madrid nos liga.

Un humenaje de mao, a Madrid. en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. Siempre que se mantenga las terconstancias económico-financeras del solititante en el momento de la solicitud. Back again old school back in the day. We're all starting before them all Podcast is so fun and crazy We're reaching out. We're reaching out. We're reaching out. We're reaching out. We're reaching out. We're reaching out. We're reaching out. You know what, dude? We're back. It's Robert Kelly and the dude from, you know what, dude? I got nothing.

I'm fucking floundering tonight. I'm very excited to be back. We sound a little weird, but that's okay. I got, I'm telling you right now. I got Dan Soda. You knew that was going down. Yeah, then we have was yeah What's why there's oh there it is sweet Robert. What's happening? Oh my sweet Robert and we got of course special guest Joe list two my camera. Yeah, you two dude right into two right down barrel. Oh shit

Joe list off the grid for a while, but now he's back back back Joe list off the grid for a while, but now he's back. Back, baby. Back, back in the saddle. And because of your new no Puerto Rican rules here in the studio, Lewis could not be here tonight. Yeah, there's no, that is a new rule, but that's not my fault. Yeah, that was something you implemented. It's COVID's fault.

What happened? Did he get sliced with a switchblade? Puerto Rican. Oh, speaking of which, what's up? I don't know your facial scars. What happened? I got attacked by chicken wire this summer. Wait, we're gonna fucking deathmatch

in the local wrestling event. You and you and anybody you two know, I am a man that does yard work. Yeah. Cool yard work loser. Yeah, I call you the F-word. It's still out to college, so the other day. Oh my God, I would have said it three times already.

You just saying that I'm a sissy boy? Yeah, do you? Because I do my own work. It's a gardener. Your forest gum. Oh, you guys are a simple man. You guys are nerd bullies. Yeah, we are.

We're nerds with beards. What's up with that? The eyebrow hair. Is that a bit? It's my lucky. Are you trying to be a bogota? Look, first. It's wild.

It's my lucky eyebrow hair. It looks like an umpire call It's all you're always inquisitive. Well look like a cartoon cat. I didn't do anything I think fucking fights through So what did you trip on chicken wire? No, I have I have to do all my yard work. I do everything but mo and on chicken wire. No, I have, I have to do all my yard work. I do everything but mo and rose. Rose. Um, uh, this day guy, oh, he's a mo, no, um, no, uh, that you guys were left. It was fucking 1997. We were downstairs at the table back with things from matter 2005 on ONA. You

got the word mo. Um, it was, uh, I have a guy, Tony, I have like a 97 year old a tank I got with a limp. And he does my, he's good, don't it? How what? Give him money. No, it doesn't. He fucking broke my lilac it bushes. That's lilac bushes. I missed the carry.

I'm not at all. He goes, hey, they go back. What are you gonna do about it? You bitch, I suppose he, yeah, it's right. Really? Right, dude, let me tell you something. But when you have, when you bitch, S pussy? Yeah, that's right. Really? Right, dude. Let me tell you something, but when you have, when you get married and get a house,

you become a spineless jellyfish on certain things. When they deliver the wrong food, when they rush you on the phone, what else? Oh, that's it. But you? Yeah, me. I don't believe that you would break like that. First of all, he's Italian, so I feel bad.

I know, we know how they can get. No, we're not doing that anymore. There's big Dix and spaghetti. What a name for her. Yeah, dude. What a cool. This is a good podcast name. Yeah, dude. It's all Italian guys.

It's just Italian guys. It's Dyson Sebastian, they've Dix and spaghetti. Talking sauce and fucking dogs. Oh, this week my mother made a sauce. You got a shit. She put the onions in. I had a stuffed man of candy that was the size of my fucking fun. Have I? You get it? I've walked up. The thing I used to do to Vecchio and all the time that would legitimately suck him off. Just blow his big dick. I would always joke around that Italian women made

excellent lovers and it would get him very angry. Why? That's a compliment. I know, but at the way I was saying it, it was to like, you know, I was I was troll. I dated an Italian woman for a while. Right. 2009. And we were making our own time and she had like stubble. What?

Yeah. Like a man, baby. Like and she had like stubble. What? Yeah, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like black stubble. I did, I did that. I met a Greek girl at a red light one night. What? You heard me. Is that a John Cougar melon camp lyric? No, I met a green girl. I don't really know.

Come on, baby. He didn't walk away with me. She just lived a diner and she was dying down her street. Greek people and dinners. Our melanchamp impressions are shit. And I took her back to my place when I lived with the mentally retarded. Sure.

And we were kissing. And I felt stubble, but I thought it was me. So she came over to the next night and I shaved really good like flawless. It was no. I think about to tell you she shaved her. No, I shaved, I shaved, but the next thing she still had it so it was her.

Then I felt like her lower back near her ass crack and there was hair coming up from her ass hole. Yeah. Yeah. When I first, when I had my first herpes outbreak on Christmas morning, it was just a mat, like a bloody mat, it looked like somebody took a cheese grade into my dick.

It was just, you got it on Christmas morning. Yeah. Are we getting? Are we getting monetized? Oh, my. Huh? We're going to. Well, Merry Christmas, Joe.

You're fucking disgusting. Oh, it was rather than his hat. It was. I was looking, it went down the chimney and the fire was lit. Hell, but I thought my first thought was like, well, she had a shave pussy. Maybe it's like skin burn.

As though you rub your dick on her like push. You can do it. That's fun. I've done that before. It's like a little like a little appetizer. Feels like you dick is like a robber and a jumped over a bob wire fence. I got hit.

I got bit by the dog. But you don't rub every side of it on there. No, no, you don't. It was like I stand around. No, no, you don't Even once around it was I actually licked one one time and it felt like licking a cat tongue. Yeah, you're a little sandpaper, baby I got stuck it was a clock. I was like the one that are smooth and then you go back and you're like whoa Those are spikes They're like the you know when you return a car and you get back back out. You know, as you know, juvenile us three hour,

we've been doing this for fucking 20 years. Sure. Talking about vaginas and where they're so interesting. Do you ever get like, you want to kill yourself sometimes? Yeah. Feel that way? Oh, yes. Because I'm like, I want to make art.

I want to be an artist and talk about the human condition. And then I'm like, would you eat your dad's jizz on the next day? I don't know, man, I feel like I'm really moving the needle on some things. I don't know, I think if I could hide stuff in my butt hole, I would. Can I tell you why?

Because we're comedians. That's it. That's the show. The actor, you know actors, someone said to me, are you scared of what what saying the wrong thing? Nope, that's what actors have to be scared of. Yeah, because they they have to hope for the next opportunity to work and then we can just go deal with criminals. Yeah, that work out of malls. What if we want to they outcrybidals club

owners of the worst. I'll give you money now. And then they go, no, I don't give you money. Oh fuck, oh fuck what I do. I'll do a podcast right You my own shit. They're almost worth the managers. I'll give you give me 10% Do it for hooking making a call fucking do it, but you guys are actors. Yes, you are too. Sorry now I am Yeah, but you've always been an actor higher level. Oh, you guys So that's why it's like, here it comes. All right, you guys. Yeah, here it comes.

I think if so far if we're going by box office draw, I got you both be, but I think what do you mean? As far as selling tickets? No, box office being on something that's like a popular show or a movie. I don't think so. Oh yeah, we're close. Dude, I was on tourgasm after sopranos.

No, but that was sopranos. Dude, I was on HBO so. Yeah, we're close dude. I was on tourgasm after sopranos. No, but that was sopranos dude on I was on HBO mother you're on showtime. You're right. That's a little little. That's Canadian football. Yeah, dude. I was on doom doom doom. I was on HBO. I mean, so was I, but on prime time, sopranos. That was just a, you know, HBO's yeah, but that was nobody watch. Nobody watches HBO now. I'm talking about HBO. Got it hurts more with your catapillar eyebrow present And people don't know this now that you're in the Hollywood. We got you a human Now that you're who's a New York film, okay? People Joe shot a movie. Yes, it's a little bit hush

A little a little Fox a lady and Kielzer. Yeah, it's all on his iPhone and Robert is also it's a snuff film. I'm in the film But it shot beautifully. Yes, I was very excited to be a part of it. Yeah, we were too We wrote the part for you. I was purposefully kept out of production and why we're here to talk about it tonight. Oh good. I had a similar movie in production That Joe knew about We just wanted somebody I wanted actors with more I had a similar movie in production that Joe knew about. We just wanted somebody. I wanted actors with more. I had Stephen Wright directing it. That that hurts.

We knew that I went. Stephen, I drank wasn't going to take seven years to fuck. That's why we're still in production. And Dan, from the next take, I need you to sit down. I love to love about you because I don't do voices. I will just come up with it and I go, Dan, and you'll take it over and you'll just be like, man.

Yeah. Because he's an actor. Dude. Yes, I'm an actor too. You call me the A word. We have problem. I mean, he's more of an actor than comedian now. Oh, literally.

Fuck you both of you. That's what you just turned on. Do you do comedy still? Yeah. I was going to throw this at him, but this is for comedians. Yeah, I have this new one for you. This is the actor bomb. Great. Let me see that feel. Hey, this is like a razzie. Fuck you. It's bad. Fuck you. Yeah. I'll be your landau improv. Yeah, landau improv. Wolf. What are you shooting something down there? Yeah, what are you doing down there? I'm doing a piece. What are you doing? A interstitial show for comedy digital? Fuck you. What's the present? Because I don't have much time. I want to be on the

I want to be on the I want to be on the time to return it if it stinks. Wow. Is it scratched against? I don't know what you're stupid band-aid. It's a stupid game. It's a spazzy. Well, because you're a director, not a director. I didn't. I wanted to. You're, you're, you're, you're an EP. Yes. I'll hang on. I'll tell what that is. Executive producer. Yeah. I've been an EP before too. Um, EP. How did that go? It was, well, it's good. Was it on your special? It was good. Yes. My life from the village underground. Anyways, I mean, dude, we're together and you turn anonymous. Yeah, I love it. I'm about to give you a present. I executively produced it. Yes, because you're in the movie. You wrote it. You wrote it.

No, file Hollywood. No, you wrote it. And you ePed it. You had a big. It was hard of it. It was funded by human trafficking. I'll tell you the whole thing right now. I'll blow this whole thing up. Why do you think I got a beard? I've been digging Robert. Because everything has to be so joky. We're talking about filming.

Sorry I'm being a comedian. I know you guys are sucking each other off in some weird verbal 69. I think about a film. Whoa, what? The purse? Should I get him a purse? No, that's for his next project.

I mean, this is too nice. What is this? It's a purse. Who wrapped that's for his next project. I mean this is too nice. What is this? It's a purse Who wrapped it for all your late for all your lady recipes? those are Okay, I mean can you open that for him? Yeah, we're like a hoagus get a trainer next movie This is just open it up. What this is open it up. No, don't just just blank paper just open it up That's what it is. Oh, this't just blank paper. Just open it up. That's what it is.

Oh, this is the thing. Turn it over. Turn it over. What? Yeah. Wow. Open it up. This is gorgeous.

Yeah, open it up. That is a lovely coin purse. That is. Oh my God. That is a gold fold. And this is gorgeous. The guy made that for you and it has your, Wow.

Oh my God. And it holds your scripts and your notes So the next project you're on you won't be like hey, where's my script? What is my thing you keep it right in there? Wow? Notes as you're shooting or acting or whatever you're doing e-ping and If folds up There you go and you can put a pen up in the top in the front there. Oh, I know the other way. Oh, it folds like this. And you put a front. You put a pen. Look right in the front there. Let me see. Right here. Look right in here. Your pen goes right in here. Oh, that's the best

that it all just fell out. This is incredible. There's nothing better than someone showing somebody how something works and it just fucking tumbling. Oh, god. You see this whole go over son of a bitch. Hey, go buddy. Yeah, that moves. How fucking wow? You like that? Yeah. Now I'm an actor. Yeah. This is great. Thanks, Bob. I love it. You love it. Good. And thank you for putting me in the movie Joe. Yeah, because the other guy didn't want you in. Yeah. Thank you for putting me in the movie and thank you for having me in something that you've done. I mean, this is just me now. Thank you I appreciate you choosing me. I appreciate you finally coming to the house, too. That was nice of you Well, I was finally invited to the fucking house. You had a shoot a movie to get me to your house. What house? His house. Yeah, I've never been over to the apartment. Don't say it like you go over all the time I mean, I've eight pizza there dozens of times. You've never been in the the apartment. Don't say it like you go over all the time. I mean I've eight pizza there

Dozens of time you've never been in the backyard for a party or anything. Yeah. Oh my god You do you see I used to he came to one party. I used to son out there. What does that mean a tan? What did you tan? My body. Yeah, your body. What's up with the beard? I didn't shave. What's up with the Terry funk scars on your face? I'm amateur wrestling in. Dude, I would love to go to some middle school gym, Nazim, to watch you power bomb a guy through a folding table. I like the beard.

Thanks, dude. I think you could play Revenant 2, the Tom Hardy Park. I would love to. I would love to. We'll talk. Oh my god. Oh my god. Because you're a guy now. I'm like an AP. He's an AP. He Oh my God. Oh, that's your guy now.

That's like an AP. He's an AP. He's a shaker. Let me write it down. Oh my God, please do. Please awkwardly unfold that. You have a pen? Please use that.

You don't have to. Very impressive. But it's also good for comedy to write in jokes. It's also a good thing, a thing to put in your desk and forget about for seven years. You're such an asshole. I am an asshole. And why are you doing this? Cause the beard changes you, Bobby. You're such an ass. I am. And why are you doing this?

Because the beard changes you, Bobby. You're a heal now. I'm healed. And that's not even real, either. That's right. I know, I remember, Kelly, I've had a rummo waste for the last five years. And it's like, you're cold. Be a Dan, don't take no shit. It's lovely. And I think this is a real Dan talking with you are going to Absolutely thrive with it. Beard Dan makes his meal. I like a yielding. Oh Shit, do you like it? Yeah him not being able to do it? Can I show you how to do it? It fucking such a dumb dumb. It just doesn't work dude, and it's got our sides from our scene

I put that in there. That's the sides from the scene. That's right there So what you would do is you put your guys love scene. Now you guys filmed that completely new to my correct. We didn't film a love scene would be I heard it's the first missionary homosexual section in a movie. No strangers by the lake. I told you it was a very I tell you it was very sweet, funny, I mean, real movie. It was the scenes were really great, well written, I'm very excited to see it in reality. Yeah, man, it was, look it, it's not, you know, the fucking hangover.

What a movie. It has that movie, I mean, it's just joke after joke. You can't stop. Here's what I like about this. You're falling in love with Brad McOoper. You're falling in love with Zach Galvanakis. Ed Helms is there just to kill it You don't like that movie? I love hangover. Do you? I think over is great Love Todd Phillips. He's working on it. It's a great premise. Yeah, you know, you know, you you're

Recon. What does that mean? Is that how you guys speak now that your producers? You wake up. Heal it. Beard Dan is back. Dude, heal Dan is. Oh, oh. Premises a movie term. Premises a comedy term. He's changed. Yeah, you've changed. Did you ever say, when you say it,

I was like, how big a- Yeah, when you rented houses upstate, big houses. You're trying, sexual. Look what are these? Shoes. What's the room? What kind of studio exec are you? Yeah, what do you? Why do you have?

Guys, what if you told you we're bringing back a night writer with Michael B. Jordan? You know what these pants are? Why do you have slacks on? Can I do an ad for my podcast? What are they? What are they? They're called gik-van dikes. They're called rec life or something like that. Yeah, and they're sweatpants. Feel these. It's unbelievable. I'm going to sell you guys on these news promo code. They called wrecked life or something like that. Yeah. And they're sweatpants. Feel these. I'm gonna sell you guys on these news promo code Tuesday. You and Nate, they look like slacks. You and Nate Bargitzi are both wearing expensive sweatpants and it's fucking upset.

Are they stretchy? Can I wear them? Are they stretchy? And you type in your way, I'm telling you. For one of your asses. Are you gonna wear them in one of your promo code Tuesdays? They're online. I'm not using promo code Tuesdays.

I will never do that. Are you gonna wear it to your wrestling match? I'm gonna be your bottom pack. Yes. You can work out in these pants or wear them to the comedy selling. Yeah. Stand up. Let me see them. Yeah. Let's get a walk. See a bunch. Get your purse.

I mean, they got zippers for pockets though. You trash. You garbage. Oh, look at your belly. Oh, my God. You know, that's fucking Star Trek pants. You got fucking toddler belly. Oh my God, dude, put the shirt down. It's this. Yeah, those pants I'm out. Yeah, those are Star Trek pants.

You're like a engineer on Star Trek. Yeah, you're one of the shirts that die all the time. The red shirts. Yeah, you're a red shirt. You're a red shirt. Whoa, dude, don't even fucking go there. I don't know what this know I will take it back. I can scrape that joke Just put a different name on it. I got you to mad up there did you read just eat?

We were living in Hollywood life. It was so bad. I gained like 15 pounds on the on the I was on the road Eating work and just fucking hone and jokes Getting in there with the crowd, you know, but you guys were out filming Living that Hollywood life You guys haven't quiet evening. Are you acting right now? Yes. That scene was called guy who sucks It's guy alone and this wasn't what I thought it would be I guess this is billions is this isiley Coyote running off the cliff. Billions didn't pack the room the way I thought it would.

Oh, no, that was HBO. Um, I thought it was great up there. We were eating. I mean, I would go big. How we woke up in the morning went into the water. Straight into the swam came back up, got ready, showered. My baby girl went to the set, because EP has to go early.

You gotta be there, you know. I went, I went fishin', caught a little fish. Awesome. Many fish. And I got seven. And then, damn. I'd go, we'd work together, do a scene. I'd come back, he'd stay, because he's, you know, just,

if you could, if you wouldn't mind me, James, lifting in you, would you just open to each other? Would you, James? Well, you know, what was the energy on set? Here's a thing. The energy is when you're doing when you're doing graphic gay sex. Is it hard? Hello? That's not enough money. I hate producing like he should have the phone.

But you would have to would you have to be there first thing in the morning every day? Joe yeah, all day, every day. He loved it though. I was so happy producer. Joe's more of a heel than beer today. It's a life you choose. You know, I mean, it's what we do. It's what you Hollywood elites do.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm out there on the road. I make it hands, pressure. That's what that beard is. That's a fucking road beer. I go, you guys, you guys, can you believe about these vaccine mandates come on Fucking killing dude

So does fucking off the job he's hot today he's hot today coming off with two bonfires Big stuff going on to he's got a radio show Serious action talk 103. Bond fires killing it. Thank you. Okay. Love, bomb fire. Love you acting again. No, you know what it's happening because you're his producers. So now I can't just look at I love bonfire. Love the show. I filled in for a couple times. Get unbelievable. I love. Jay and him. Great guys to talk to. Great show to go on.

You know what they do? They put you over. Yeah, yeah. Which is when you go on a radio show, you want to be put over. Yeah. You don't have to fight for your fucking spot. You just, they put you right over it. We're not always good at it, but with you, we're great at it.

You're pretty good. But here's the thing. And you're on billions. Season five out right now. We got two episodes left in season five. And now are you, are you, and you're on billions. Season five out right now. We got two episodes left in season five. And now, are you still on it? Yeah. I am on it.

I'm in season six. Whoa. I'm coming back in season six. Oh yeah. I thought you were dead or something. No, dude, you don't die. Dude, you just make more money. So you become a girl. No, dude, you don't die. Dude, you just make more money. So you become a girl.

Or you get ashamed. Now, did you transition into a man on season six? Is that what the beard is? Do you listen, bud? You've been in LA on some TRT, just doing Roy's getting big, working on my body. I'm going to enter the MCU. I'm looking at playing ant mans helper. Ant mans helper. What? Who? Beetleboy?

You don't know, dude. Just wait, just wait and see. Dude, you can't be in fucking anything. We'll see. Oh my God. No, no, no. Do you have any movies coming up? No. Do you have any gigs coming up?

No, I was very excited to hear about Joe's movie because he disappeared and made it like all at once. He was just gone out of the scene. Joe's a scenester. I'm a scene guy. Yeah, he's around him in the scene And then all of a sudden there's there's winds blowing that you know this cast is unbelievable the material The material and of course famous director a movie starts with you can you say who the director is material? Hmm. Can you say the director? Did you sign an NDA some people have NDA? I know. I know. You don't have an NDA.

No, I love Bobby just blow and pass some legalities of your movie because he's your friend. I'm not sure. Dude, did you sign one? I didn't sign anything. He's the boss. He's the boss of bosses. I should I mean look at they first of all thing. People know about it already. Who knows? Oh, you're seeing in public. People saw it. I know there was a what is it called a scalper? What's the guy? That's a ticket scalper with the camera. Oh Popper hot operats. Yeah Yeah

I'm on fucking set up guys asking if I want to go for Giants buy in salad. Yeah and selling what he got two together Joe breaks the scene. I love the character. You just do better But to it again, it's it's all very exciting. I don't know. I don't want to say too much Are you gonna shop at the big wide? We don't say anything you can say I mean you say a little bit I'm saying you were there. We had a great time. We were in like George. Yes, Gidge. It was a spiritual experience. I didn't want to come back.

I got to change my life, guys. Why? I got to, let me lean in for this. Get in. Why? I was up in like George. I mean, I'm thinking about buying a house. What?

Where? Possibly Monmouth County, Monmouth County, Jersey. Dammit. George. Why would you go to Jersey Shore? It's spectacular. The people are assholes and the people shore. Why would you go to Jersey shore? It's spectacular. The people are assholes and the people are... Wow, is that who you are?

Who you are and is your neighbor? Is that who you are? You know how far it is to get to the fucking hardest with your family? I wanna have. That's it, yeah. Is it a ferry? You're not gonna live there primarily,

that's a communication. Your airport, we turn my... It's called, what am I, fucking... You're an executive producer. Who's that over here? You're an airport. Your airport is fucking Jersey, new airport. I know.

Which by the way, let me tell you, I fly into because of my love in Nucked. Nucked. Okay. And number two, an hour and a half into the city, without traffic. Yeah. No, no, no, no traffic.

Come, ferry. There's a ferry, there's a train. You're a ferry. Stop it. Just because you have a scar on your face, it's not me. You look like David Ferry. I meant the ferry with wings. It's like a happy ferry. Not the ferry. Stop it. Just because you have a scar on your face is not me. You look like David Ferry. I meant the ferry with wings like a happy ferry, not the ferry. Stop it. What? Stop it,

scar Bobbi. But the beach, the ocean, it heals. It's a beach right there. You turned into a real fruit at that, like, I don't know what that like did you do the ocean, the nature, the city is a toilet. It's full of life. It's you're not in the city You're in a way to get one of the stop it on Where are you when you live 23rd you live in 23? Oh, yeah, you move back But you were gone for so long I was right over the water you live with an 11 He's one of these guys that tucked tailed in ran. I was a cross You ran you ran you ran you ran I ran to love I can't do billions anymore. We have to cut everything down

I ran to love and then you stopped doing Con I filled my heart and I came back to the city of better man. You got a dog. Did you get a dog? Sweet little ah what you're giving me shit about being in the ocean the ocean heals Whatever your cleaf stay away from the old we came from a river no We're organisms we come out you gotta get you from the old we came from a river. No, we're organisms we come out You got to get you walk the fucking alien was over a river put his stuff in the river. I'm talking about Prometheus. Yes Prometheus Just so instantly

I just so instantly wanted to throw it away. It's an alien comes over. I like it. E-P-E-P-J-O stinks. We got to make it all black. What the movie or the aliens? Yeah. The aliens can't be.

Both are going to sell tickets. But so I get a house down to the shore. You walk at your job. But you're going to live there and then just come to the city every day. What do you think you're going gonna come to the city at all? You're right because you're gonna be out here. So what's gonna happen? You're gonna be on the road Thursday through Saturday Get home Sunday. You're not gonna want to come to New Joke night on Monday But everyone has to come to the guy that lives in the city and again, I'm a 30-20th street. I'm walking down here because I'm living it

I have the foundation I'm tired. I'm in every theater. I'm tired. Go fuck your mother. Listen. Let's discuss it. We have the foundation of both retired women do a kind of I mean, if you're tired, go fuck your mother. Listen, let's discuss. I love Trisha. I will never. That's just beautiful. Don't discuss.

You know, dude, I'm in the city. You're upstate. Motherfucker. I'm not upstate. I'm a half hour. You're up. Half hour. I'm a half hour half hour.

Let me tell you what it says. Half hour. Half hour. Half hour. 70 HV both bases. If you flew a jet, what are you going to stand up New York? Joe, Joe's gonna move to rural Pennsylvania, barely come in the city. The dirt on full Bob Marley with all the respect. Ain't Bob Marley or...

Main Bob Marley. Well, here's the thing. What are you gonna do? You're gonna be in Bob Marley, is your... Hey guys, come on, don't say anything. They already got a Sebastian. Uncle Vinnie's Friday Saturday and Sunday. Come see the King of the Shore.

I got a residency. Joe's like, here's what you do. You start a, you start a, you start a room in the jerk, like on Monday, Tuesday, whatever. Never wanted to do it. Oh my God. Like, like, you the honest in a bar for Let me tell you exactly what this reminds me of when they forget to move to LA. Oh, yeah

That didn't work out well The city No, cuz he got a deal back here in the city you come in back And then he moved to Nashville Success this in Nashville is fine if you said I'm moving in Nashville I'm not successful. I'm successful, but you're The Nashville is fine. If you said I'm moving to Nashville, I'm not successful.

I'm successful, but you're successful. That's a short idea. There's no scene in the jury. I make 1400 a week in a comedy club. But when Nate was moving to LA, he had a son of one like this. Well, the folks at home, the joke. Yeah, listen, I made 12.

You, you, you won't, you won't start a room. You go, go. You won't start a room. You're not gonna start a room. I'm going to move to LA. He was like, am I Nate? Am I Nate? No, I'm not gonna do it. I'm not Nate. You're gonna, you're gonna do it. You won't start a room. You're not going to start a room. I'm going to L.A. He was like, am I made? Am I made? I'm not going to do it. You're going to do it. You're going to do it. You're at the same pan.

You'll disappear. You'll become the jogger. That guy who jogs on the beach that was in that movie once. You don't know what you're talking about. I'm going to keep an apartment in the city. Guarantee he moves out there gets a Tuesday night show at a C-shack. Yes. And his uncle Vinnie's just right there. And then you're going to try to try to lure Bobby and I down with oysters and crap. I don't know. He lures. I don't know. You love you. What do I look? You've lured before. You're kind of getting. I give. I give. I give

him. I've absolutely. I've absolutely. I've never seen as has been l Abby's not even here cuz she got Lord I give food you do give you Give it you can give it lower I give you give in lower. I don't fucking Lord you're lower what I look I need 30 seconds go somebody some stenographer you know what dude freak fan can pull up At least eight minutes of clips going dude. You got to move the West Jesse you gotta yada I gotta yada yada y Yada, you gotta Yada, you gotta Yada, you gotta Yada, you gotta Yada, you gotta Yada. You want us in West Chester, if it was your choice, I West Chester, you're Lauren.

Pause, I would never, in a million years want any of you to use near me. Well I'm moving on. I don't know you better not. Coming for you. No you not, are you really? Where are you moving? Teretown.

That's where I got married. That's the one with fucking best Chester boys. I'm gonna take all the peach places. Teretown, no I'm not take all the peatowns. No, I'm not gonna do it. Ha, Terry Towns awesome. I do want to. Terry Towns, and it's only, it's a 35 minute express to the city.

Done in, done. You'll never come, you won't come, the dude. You're talking about, you're talking about the shore. It's another honor. You have to take fucking, like, Bobby's gonna give me the gardening. Yes. I'm gonna make your own tomatoes.

Here's the thing. Your dog's gonna stay with us. How do I go stay with you? Sweet own tomatoes. Here's the thing. Yeah, your dog's gonna stay with us I'm gonna stay with you sweet my little and little yeah friends boring give me 40 seconds all right So it takes what if I leave the comedy seller 11 30 on a Tuesday Yeah, it takes like 50 minutes to get home. Yes, this would be another 20 minutes But in my car instead of on the side we're not assholes. Just say car You don't have to do bad you're on a part and instead of with some crazy homeless going give me a soul you fucking well You know what I mean? It's hard out here in the city. I still works the entrance and then the ocean

I could just dip you don't live in the city you live in fucking a Greek Now It's a former resident It's one of the five. That's my point. I'm respected. Listen, I want some health. I want some oceans. If you have a, I mean, again, because that works and it bugs me. You know what I got called out for last night? I used the expression and how and Katie didn't believe me.

It was the expression. I went and how it goes. What the fuck did you just say? And, no, you mad about that? I'm glad I can, how? I don't like any of that either. I like it. I'm bringing it back. Jersey Shore will not work out. You're gonna be stuck in traffic four times

and you're gonna stop coming in. Listen, Voss, you're gonna be listening. Voss lives out there. No, he lives in like central New York City. Yeah, he lives out there. Yeah, because I'll be sick of being home. I'll go, let me go do some spots. And I'll get like a nice place in the city. What? Siri, how long does it take to get to Jersey? Wow. What was a point pleasant, right? No, I'm not going to point pleasant. That's like halfway

down the state. Where you go? Red bank. Red bank. Jersey. Beautiful. Directions to red bank. And there's a ferry. Hey, Siri, give me directions to red bank. Red banks. Beautiful. Oh, Siri Siri could you work once in your fucking One hour from here. No it's not Hit start see if it goes one hour right now. All right one hour bang. It's I'll be home at 9.52 night guys. I'm home at 9.52 and that's in my car Listen to some jazz or some jigs. Oh God whatever the fuck I'll listen to Whoever you want me to listen to you. What are you gonna do get a house on the beach?

Oh, you're blocks in the beach. I'm worried about climate change. You blocks in what so you're not gonna be on the beach. You're moving down to the beach. Not even be on the beach. You can't even the beach. You can walk to the beach here. You can't, it's disgusting. What is a beach about? Dude, there's a beach on the swat. She's holding this river. She's holding this river. Takes me 45 minutes. There's a bout a beach.

There's a beach on the Wee's River. Right? The Wee's River beach. Yeah. I sundown there all the time. Yeah, Sandy Beach, too. The last beach. It's all broken bottles. East River. They've never been to that down in the water in the story.

You see all the broken glass washers. Yeah, of course. I go there all the times. I want some. You're never going to do it and you're never going to make it down there. You'll quick. What if I get home? Joe, I got one word to change your life.

And I'm going to say it. It's two words. It's going to change your life forever. I already have it. It's two words. It's gonna change your life forever. I have anal sex. House boat. Like McIver. Yes. Yes.

How about this? How about a sailboat on the west side? Hey, Bobby. That's more expensive than a house in New Jersey. No, it isn't. We need some place for Joe to live. So the boat can be there. If you get the marina, it's $800 a month.

It's $1,000 a month for the marina daughter of a kid the marina daughter. What? How are you going to get a fucking house? I haven't looked at the prices yet. Yeah, the prices on by the beach. It's seven billion. It's constant on moving into Manhattan. Now, you know, it's going to happen. Someone's going to be like, dude, I'm a real stick guy down and point, I'll go, hook you up. And this guy's going to wind up down on the fucking Jersey Shore, three blocks from the beach. I love it. And he's never gonna win, never gonna say this old salty dog. I'm gonna have to go down there to get him back into the game. But don't it with spots and you guys know you have a base.

We've been doing comedy for 20 years. You don't need to do so you're picking the Jersey Shore to be a base. Now I'm saying the base of cop done've done 15,000 sets. Right. So I'm gonna retire comedy. I'm doing one more special amount. It's enough already with Dondick jokes. You're done. That's fine. What are you gonna do? I get a paint podcast. Maybe I'll paint make a couple of four films. I'd like to make a few, I'd like to make 10 films total.

Oh, what are you fucking? I've never been more violently enraged. Well, I am a QT. I hate it. Why you glasses fogging up you weird. Yeah. These are movie glasses and they suck. And I haven't paid an elder. I haven't had a chance to switch to my other glasses. Wait, why are their movie glasses so you won't use my character? Use the bandana. No, I don't want to do it's a it's a spazzy. But oh, so that's so it doesn't reflect on the thing. Right? This guy is terrible.

Run back. He's phone. Run back some old. You know what? I got to run back. I got a nine o'clock spot because I'm doing spots. I everyone said I was going to try to get my everyone called me corporate Dan. I'm out here with the full beard, saying it like it is.

Hold on. Do that. Do your line again. I you know, I got to go do my spot. We all did spots. Yeah, I hope you have spots on your lungs. You fucking jerks. There you know, I got to go do my spot. We all did spots. Yeah, I hope you have spots on your lungs. You're fucking jerks. There it is. That's old school Joe. Old school Joe. I like it. But seriously, I hope you're okay as I have a country.

I because that's a lot to which I don't know. I don't give a shit about spots in my life. How long is your spots? You think I have spots? No, around the corner is it two minutes. I don't know. 15 minutes. There's one in how long? Come back.

Bobby and I are going to fail. This way you guys just fuck you. You're coming back. Come I'll try to come back. I don't like Dan is oh you scared to be with me alone I felt that abused me. What are you doing? Bobbastel, you called me a fucking Laura. I love you. Fuck you. You lore Yours not boy. Hey, Joe Let me have your phone and then come back for it. Yeah come back to the phone What do you want to see? Nudes of why you afraid to be alone with not at all why you I don't see Joey's out make me go either except on the set

It's good seeing you leave your phone big gift Phone you fucking I got to record my set leave you gift I will come back. I'll get Liz to send you a Running behind and now let me ask I can ask ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices?

¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices?

¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? ¿Pues le senten a que se le dices? Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindio de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás!

Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Oh, I got scratch. Think it. You want to scratch? What's that for life? I'm going to cancel my spot. Yes.

Thanks. What's the deal? You got to come up with a deal before you get a quarter quarter, like 25 cents. No, you get a quarter of the winnings. My list of 10 bucks. It's a me. She's not answering 40%. I got to go down there. Bye. I got to come back.'s a me, I just don't answer it. 40%.

I gotta go down there. Bye. I gotta come back. I was gonna give you that. But now I'm not giving you that. I don't know. No, that's for the boys who stay. You guys should have those in case.

Dude, if I win this, and I, you have a quarter, I'll be it. You get a quarter of that. 40%. No, a 20%, 30%. No, I gotta go.

I gotta do a sec, because I'm a hustler. I'm a hustler, baby. I hope you fall down I do I hope you fall downstairs and that book fucking lands. Oh my god your old man pain. Oh you fucking Skicks and dig pants stank. It really looks like he's gonna fall over a fucking arm war. Could we scratch these scratch that yeah I don't have any change you guys got any quarters. I like here around his corner. I don't mess around with fuck quarters. I can't believe fucking Joe. I mean, that confidence, the gall. He's so happy though.

Yeah, dude. I tell you that movie. I'm telling you, I'm excited to see the movie. He showed me one scene and I'm very excited. He did not, didn't show me any fucking scenes. Should be come better friends with him. I try, he won't invite him over his house. That's because he treats you, he calls you the talent.

What does that mean? That's means he's a producer, he's gone. He's too far gone. So even Mark Norman says he's changed. Yeah, Mark Norman doesn't, he's not a real person. He goes, I've been computed to be friends with Joe. He's different. He's getting down.

Does anybody have, nobody, nobody's listening to us over there. Does anybody have a, no, Swaras is looking, Swaras is fucking busted, is that? Oh, he, Swaras getting fucking changed out of his jeans is the worst thing. I got it, Mikey. No, Swarrow is looking. Swarrow is fucking bust in his ass. Oh, he's getting fucking change out of his jeans is the worst thing. I got it, Mikey. Oh, look at this. Here we go. I got a thanks, buddy. He pulled out a knife. Fucking Spanish guy. Do you got screw? What did you get a screw? Do that is fucking. All right. Here we go. Are you get a quarter?

All right. You want to go first? But you understand you get I get a quarter of your money. You get a quarter of both. Oh, hell, yeah. All right. so that's you have a good chance Why do you go why do we want me to go at the same time? Okay. I ready? Yeah, go scratch numbers first Winning numbers first my winning numbers are 25 I got 22 to nine 16 25 14 to nine 23 10 you can win it by the way just to let everyone know who's listening and has no visual representation of what's happening

Yes, this is set for life of $5,000 a week for life. How much is that you get yet? What do you have to do you have to get your numbers? You have to match your numbers. So here. I'll read it to you Okay, ready. Yeah, let's do this. Let's read this. I'm to read this. I'm a simple man. Things don't seem to explain to me. Okay, ready I'm not a smart man mark map map match of the did all right match any of your numbers Okay, all in caps to any of the six winning numbers all in caps when prize shown reveal a coin symbol and Win prize shown automatically real star Symbol and when 10 times prize time, if prize one is life, when 5,000 a week. Do you know, Nate Bargates, he's a bit about this,

about the story about the nine is the guy in his family? No. It's one of my favorite stories of all time. When you have him next time you have him on the podcast, have him go over. He'll never be on this again. Okay, yeah, he's never. He's so funny.

He doesn't even call me or talk to me. And I think you actually walk by me on the street one night. I swear to God, did you think it was a golf pro? No, I knew it was him. I knew it was him. I knew it was like Bobby don't even try it. Yeah, I smelled him. He smelled like fucking pancakes and silly.

We next time you have him on tell, have him tell the story about the wedding he was at where they gave somebody a gag one of these Really that says it won and the dude just walked out. He just acted like it. Oh my god They knew it was a gag one and he left like he just won no, he left like he lost He's like all right later guys, and they're like you are gonna keep all that fucking money Yeah, if you won right now, would you tell me yeah Yeah, all right. Here we go. Ready. What do you got? Do you win one?

Go one at a time. Go on first row. Top row. Top row. No win. No win for soda. I'm out. I got no win.

Top row. No win. Top row. No win. Top row. Second row. I got a addition. No win.

I'm out. I got no win second row. Fuck this. I don't doubt you. We know. No, Rose. Fuck. Why am I fucking? Dan be positive. Sorry. Here we go. Third row. Third row. Here we go. Here we go. Third row and stupid in a fucking shit Dan. So I'm gonna. Dan. I'm gonna be positive last row. I didn't get shit last row I didn't get shit. There's no last row. That was it Fuck this wait now look before you get fucking carried away. I looked all over the fucking place Bobby. Why are you so negative? Because I'm telling you things have changed. Oh, fuck your friends cut you out of Hollywood and you just fucking can't stand it.

I mean we were so close looking all this bullshit. Hmm. Hey New York State lottery. Thanks for fucking us in the ass on a podcast. You're dying back. You can have that. You know what I appreciate it. I'm gonna keep it in front of me as motivation.

So anyways, somebody sent me something that was very interesting. The cop that I can't say who it is because they told me not to say who it is. But they sent me something on Facebook. And I've always suspected this. And this is so fucking blatant. My name, my real name is Ricardo. I'll tell you the whole thing. I killed Dan Soder in 2007 and took over his identity. I'm Argentinian. I come from a powerful family that is hell bent on violence and destruction. I did that was not. I made myself into a silly man, hoping to get washed away into the comedy scene, but here we are. I'll tell you this Robert Kelly, you have just sent several dangerous people after

you. Anyways, let's look into the file. Lewis J Gomez is my bodyguard. He is my trusted assistant Rafael. We're both from Buenos Aires. Robert do what you will. But the Argentinian people know I am there for them. Where is Harry's? I am. That's in Argentinian. Oh, is it? Fucking moron. I'm not sure.

Yes, my grandfather is a scape-knotsie. But that does not work my family's story. That's where it starts. Sorry, I didn't mean it. What? You guys wanna show us something? You got to re-show something? Is it a J over here? Is it a business side?

I want to talk to that guy. Yeah, I did. That guy's very... He's the role gay, Lara. I've seen some things, my friend. I always would love to do that. Where did you go? I was a boy boy on the shores, on the shores of the ocean, watching the powerful sea push

out things that he didn't no longer want, including my father, a simple shrimp, sailor, sailor what? Do you know a fucking idiot? You can only pretend to be smart for so long. Where did you, did you go to school? Ah, the streets taught me, my friend. Everything I needed to know. I would learn from Alicats, from gangsters, from city

countermen, until I was the most powerful man in Buenos Aires. Did you say, I was right, did you say you learned from Alicats? Alicats. And street vendors, From street vendors. From drug pushers. And of course the horse teaching me to be an excellent lover. And when, how old are you now? I am 48 years old.

48. But I look a much younger man because of the love of my wife. Oh, you marry. Rosalita. Rosalita. She passed away several years ago. Oh, she's dead. As whole cancer.

She died very brutally shitting out the love of me and a bloody little liquid mess. Who is your father? He's I killed him myself. I said you said the C took him away. My middle name is C. Where you guys showing me, dude? I'm not around for the executive producer. This was supposed to be an audition. What you first, you guys told me I could come here and get naked on the couch. I know. What you first name?

I forgot it. I said it, and then I forgot it. Or else I would have said it again. Man, pot really fucks your short-term memory. Dude, that was fucking so funny. Well, Joe wasn't here, so it fucking's for Bupkiss. Well, I'm here. I know you're my friend. What does that mean? I could shine my light in front of you. He's so funny. Well, Joe wasn't here, so it fucking's for Bupkiss. Well, I'm here. I know, you're my friend.

What does that mean? I could shine my light in front of you. He's fucking Hollywood. So I can't do anything for you. The fucking billion's trade is in its last stop for old Danny Sons. Got a jump to something else. You'll be fine.

I know. What do you mean, you know? I'm doing only fans. Are you doing what are you doing? Shove and stuff up my pee hole. Not even my butt. Oh, God. You know much money you know? I'm doing only fans. How you doing? What are you doing? Shuffling stuff up my peat hole. Not even my butt. Oh God. You know much money I make if I did that. Oh. She became like the horny Buddha.

I just, I just became a, just, just dressing robes and then jack off robes. I, and I did my act as I stuck stuff in my ass. So my wife was like, Ugh! Being married is no big deal. Hold on. Hold on. Okay, I'm gonna do a little more.

Anyways, we were, EEEEAAAH! Pull pickin' the other day. You're doing your eye-catching show. Shine, hit up your ass. What were you gonna show me on Facebook? Well, you know, you know. Did an ex-lover. I'm gonna ask you a question first What were you gonna show me on Facebook? Well, you know, you know, did an ex lover.

I'm gonna ask you a question first. Have you ever seen commercials on TV and you're like, oh my god, they stole that. They stole that, that's a bit. That's somebody's bit. Oh yeah. And it's like, I watched family guy take a mat McCarthy bit, like fucking nine years ago.

But like these commercials, I feel like have to do it all the time. I always wonder about how they write them because they're usually so fucking corny. But like these commercials, I feel like have to do it all the time. I always wonder about how they write them because they're usually so fucking corny. Well, I've seen guys in the back of the room at the seller back in the day with no pets. What like advertisers? I don't know who they were. They've kicked them out. Like, at one time, they did do. They were like, get the fuck out of here.

And then a week later, it was like, PAMPERS, what's women be shopping? Well, dude, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, somebody sent me this clip and I was like, wow, there's no way, like this has to be. Is it one of your bits? No, what are my bits?

It's one of Patrice's bits. No. Yeah, I want, should we show them Patrice's bit first? Or show it to me and I'll tell you if I know the bit. Okay, show them the clip first or show to me and I'll tell you if I know the bit. Okay show them the clip first play Can you make it big? Okay space. All right, so we go play it What I guys in prison. Okay, I know that actor. He's in a lot of shit

Just getting out of prison. Mm-hmm getting all stuff. This key. He's in a lot of shit. Getting out of prison, getting all this stuff. Just key. He's got a car. Flipping everybody off. Flip everybody off. Yeah. Singing. Gas station. Just out of jail.

Yeah, walking by cops like screw you. Yeah. Goes in. Gets a can. Tries to steal it. Canasota. Pays for it. gets a can, tries to steal it. Cana soda. pays for it. pays for it because she catches them. hits it.

He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. He's right. at the suspect. There's bullet things and the cans are right there. And they put an in evidence. And yep, it's Patrice's Pepsi can rapist bit from his Comedy Central presents. Am I right? Yep. Yep. Now play now. Stop play for my favorite. Here's I'm a black guy. I got to watch what I'm going to play it right here. Oh, okay. That's what so they can see it So you know ruin his bit. Well, he's dead and he can't say anything about it. Yeah, he could I would honestly I'm wearing light jeans. I would have to stand up and show the camera the piss running down my leg Got ready. There we go

That's why I don't live I don't thought throw garbage in the street. Not because I care about the earth. If I'm afraid I'm going to be walking through the park drinking the soda when I'm done I just throw it on my soda and fly with a bush and land on some dead white women's head with my fingerprints on the can. Now I'm the Pepsi Cola rapist because I'm lazy. That's what I'm fucking joke. What a joke. She's the best.

One of the coolest moments in my comedy career was unfortunately after he passed, but it was a real cool moment where you and I sat in the car and listened to Mr. P for the first time. Yeah. I was opening for you. Yeah. We were at bananas in Hasbrooke Heights.

Oh, yeah. We were just sat in the car and listened to it in a parking lot and it was fucking surreal. We were dying with that Obama. I'm back. You are white. And then the fucking dogs joke is one of my favorite jokes of all time. Yeah, my dogs love me, but they don't act like they don't need me.

It's fucking awesome. One of the best bits out there. It is. Thank you. Thank you for kissing my face. Now that I have a dog, I'm like, God, damn, that bit is fucking perfect. What you saying? I need a shithead. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was saying, I need a bad shit. That is how I'm good. Yeah, do you? Yeah, he was fucking, he was the best. I mean, it's like, yeah, you know, comedy taking a break like that has been fun coming back

just to see everybody and you forget how much fun fucking comedy is. Cause like when you were at home or just at home on Zoom and shit, it's a sucked. Yeah, I mean, it sucked. It was, it was devastating to find out how on a central our business. Yeah. I thought it was funny, cause I thought, it sucked. It was devastating to find out how on essential our businesses. I thought it was funny, because I thought we deserved it.

I didn't do it. After everybody sucking their own dick sack and like comedy was actually a job. Dude, I didn't have enough money to do that. I had too much shit going on. Dude, I, yeah, dude, when you have a kid, oh my God. I was lucky that I just had a radio show that could continue. So my job was still going. You were a kid. Oh my God. You have a house. I was lucky that I just had a radio show that could continue, so my job was still going. You were still essential.

I mean, I took a hit, but we fucking got to do our radio show on Zoom, which was massive. Yeah, dude. And that really helped. No, my thing was always the seller. So I'd be like, I do it. I'll just, you know, if I get canceled or something, I'll do the seller every night.

Dude, I love that. And then when they were like, yeah, the sellers closed, all the clubs were closed, I was like, fuck me. Yeah. I was like, I don't know. I told Don I go, dude, I don't know what to do. What do you get to do? I don't fucking know what to do.

I was like, what are you gonna do? And then luckily, like some fucking residual shit came in. Yeah. Like, I mean, some like shit from movies. Yeah, you're like, what? The Soda Burg's residual came in from that movie I did that was like on an iPhone that you're like good luck Chuck Yeah, yeah, some weird shit came in dude. It's fucking hilarious some like god

They picked up tourgasm in Taiwan. Yeah, man. You're on fucking Chinese Hulu. Oh, they love Dane You're just like oh my god, don't we can buy your fucking compound? Yeah, right And a funny story. He's the fucking starberry of China for comedy. Dang, just has a resurgence in Beijing. That you know, that movie I did last night at NAs was good in fucking Taiwan. I believe it's some weird shit. It's something. Yeah, something gets over and you're like, fucking dude, what else? I was a sex symbol in a Chinese town.

You're a god now. Yeah, they have, they used to have my hair cut. Yeah, like, dude, we fucking love this guy that mullet Sergio, we get their lips puffed up to look like mine dude sexy Bobby haunting the halls of the club You still work is one of the funniest things what just like you have a picture of you being smoke and hot when you come up the stairs after a set and it's just you Lane against the wall after a set, it's just you laying against the wall. There's nothing worse to be done the seller and girls looking at the wall and my sexy Bobby photos behind me. And like, who's that? I'm like standing right there.

They did an old Indian chief curse you. You would be as large as a buffalo. Just shut up dude. Get the fuck out of my way old man. You are messing with the force you don't understand For you are the great white water buffalo and you won't be cursed through this to be alive Fuck you dude. I'm going to a set I'm gonna suck on some pits dude. Are you on fucking mess? I had a coffee late and I haven't seen you in a while. I've seen you on Zoom and ship, but that was like,

yeah, it's not the same. How is it going now? I mean, dude, you've stepped up your game. We're back in studio. Well, you're back in the studio, but you've stepped up your game. You moved out of your apartment. Yeah, look at that fucking home. Look at that home, me.

Yeah, we ripped that shirt off, dude. That's some half-mash, half-regular shirt. I mean, you're not going to Yeah, look at that fucking home. Look at that hunk of meat. Yeah, they ripped that shirt off, dude. That's some half mesh half regular shirt. Damn. That's a half half. That's a Puerto Rican day parade shirt. That's a half half. Yeah, dude, a half of the rules. I believe that's a woman shirt that I'm wearing. No, that was 80s. That was born. Hey, 80s hunk boy. Yeah. Look at behind me. I look like one of those guys behind you. Dude, yeah, you look like you walked off the wall like, uh-huh. You're slamming against the wall. Damn, the fucking walls are moving. I got these two

fucking German guys with wrenches chasing me. You're a hot. Hey, call me. Yeah. That's my favorite part. Oh, do the construction helmet hard at work or at work hard. Yeah. We get it. That was a girl. Denise Contino. She took that picture.

No, her mom. She her mom took that picture. Yeah. Did you do a brass or mother dotter combo? Brasers. I love brass. Who doesn't? The vivid of the model.

Oh, the fucking opening of that is just like a horror movie. Like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're

like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you because so mad at that fucking advertisement, hey, what is that wanna play a game where you come in four seconds? You're like, what is that?

No, what is it? They're all the same. Jay brought it up. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, dude, they're in every fucking frame. They're like, go by month by month. What's the opening ad?

What's that one? What the fuck is that company? That it's in the middle, it's at the beginning of every ad. Hey, what the fuck is that company that it's in the middle? It's at the beginning of every ad. Hey, what a company jerk made. Oh, it's like Facebook, but for jerking off because they, they, it's louder. You know, I just nailed that. I just nailed the, I don't believe it. If the EP was here, he'd put me on it.

Dude, it's 10 points louder than the actual point. Ah, you like shut up, bitch. You got louder than the actual point. You like shut up bitch, you got your thumb over your phone. So you turn the point down. Yeah. And then you got to turn it up when the point comes on. And then the next movie comes on, hey, Jay, you like you want to come on me? Come eat jerk me.

It's fucking a little out. Yeah, but that's how you watch porn for free. You know God bless them. And porn is free. Nobody's ever fucking I used to have that bit in my my Actually pull all not some of it all of it. Yeah, there was a time when you had to go to the porn store in Times Square You go in rifle through some how fun was that you kind of knew everyone was a little fun It was thrilling thrilling is a great word was not fun. It was so got the red tape. I still have the red tape. Yeah, I do what loved to view that like the rush like I'll buy

VCR you'd have to buy a VCR buy a VCR buy some RC RC a cables What watching the red tape I mean dude, that's like a million dollar patreon You got to give a moocho Denaro to watch the red. The red tape was fucking hot. Miss Sangria. I, I sent that out three times and it came to back. Who's all busted to it that you know? What do you mean?

Who's busted nuts to it? Give the fuck to the line up. Gary Goldman. What's the line up at the comedy club look like of dudes who jerked to that tape? And it was Gary. I gave it to Al Dau Beni. All right.

I think Dane had it for a minute. There you go. That's already, I mean, gomen and cook. Gary, Gary, Gary requested it. Hell yeah. And then he says,

I, the J Davis ever seen, he came back to me a year later. And he had it. He goes, I'm finished. Wow. And he handed it back to me. That's a batch to every scene.

That sounds like, he goes, he said, he said, thank you very much. For the red tape. I am drained. I am color, boy. I forget it was, it was, it was two, two, two, two scenes on that. That's it? No, no, no, there was a bunch, but there was two scenes that stood out.

Because those were like porn mix tapes for those young listeners that don't understand. Porn used to come mix tapes style. Where sometimes it was a follow through, it was a serial thing where you followed the storyline, but most of the time it was like, smash to Bianca Trump and Michael Wilde Dix. And then there's like, this was a scenario based acting, which I like.

So a movie, a storyline all the way. It was short stories. Ah, fun. Short stories. Fun, I always love a diary of a milk. Short stories. That's Red shoe diaries on HBO, which is one of the things I've heard.

Similar, but this was hardcore. Yeah, of course. The one that I liked the best was the husband was hiding in the closet. Fun. They hired a guide to come over to fuck his wife. Okay. And all of a sudden the guy pulls up,

but just before he pulled up, the whatever, the six, like kind of flipped down or something happened to the address nine. The address changed. So the guy was like, there it is. So happened. The address changed. Okay. So the guy was like, there it is. So he goes in to the wrong house. Well, he goes in to the house and he forcefully takes this woman for the money that her husband

owed. Okay. And it was a pretty holy God scene. She fought a little bit but then she gave in. Sure. And then because she earned husband hired this guy, sir, but I thought he went to the wrong address. Well, it turns out this guy who came in was,

at the last scene was like, hello, what do you mean he can't find the house? The guy they hired couldn't find the house because the number flipped. The guy that came in was a mob guy looking for the other address. But they did what so what he's banged a lady and he banged her. Get money. They didn't get the money because you guy goes in the river. You tell your husband. I'll tell you right now. Next time it's going to be his ass. I fuck. No, that's that's pretty.

That's what he says. If I'm them off of your boss, that guy's off the team. You didn't bring me back my money. Yeah, the same for you. Get off. Unless you're the boss that guy's off the team you didn't bring me back my money Yeah, same for you to get out unless you're the boss unless it was the boss doing it But I don't the boss doesn't do that the boss doesn't come in and fucking he's got his what are they called the other side pieces called Lieutenant no no no the guma's guma he's got his guma guma. Yeah, but you come in your bang has bad for business Yeah, but you come in and you bang as bad for business. Yeah, yeah. Listen. Hey, the only woman that receives my seed is my fucking wife and the Guma. She blows me. But the Guma gets to see it too. Yeah, she gets to see it in a mouth. And then you kill it. Yeah, they're mousses. Spits it out like a majyo.

You make a spit no a Dixie cup. You don't put that in your vagina. I'm not having a half Russian half fucking. Are you out of your fucking Russian tits? Spit that in the sink like a dentist. Yeah, dude. I cut that guy loose. So that was your favorite scene on the road. The second favorite scene on it was the girl was home from school. How old are we talking? Well, she's got to be 1920. Okay. Yeah, she's not a, I don't, I'm not into kitty stuff. Yeah. Thank God. That would really damage this no 1920. I don't know about the EP. I don't know what you guys are doing like a high school and a high school. That's still let's just say really college. Yeah, you know what college? Let's just say college. Give me a soft more year just to make sure we got some clearance. Softble year undergrad still.

She's still an undergrad. She's soft more college. That's still fun. But Catholic college. All right. So. All right. So anyways, the boyfriend comes home.

They live together. Well, no, no, no, the mother's boyfriend comes home. Oh no. Catches her reading a porno. Like a, like a Daniel steal. She's checking out a penthouse. The boyfriend, the mother's boyfriend comes home. It's pretty hardcore stuff.

Now, then the mother comes home and catches her boyfriend with her daughter. What? And the mother gets mad at the daughter and the boyfriend. Because you wanna do this, I'm gonna teach you how to do this. That's every scene of the daughter and the boyfriend, because you want to do this, I'm going to teach you how to do this. That's every scene of the past seven years. And then teaches the daughter how to do it. Damn, you saw like, you saw a scenario before it went big. You understand? That's what tape was like, yeah, that was like hipster band that no one knew. That premise of like mom walks in,

girlfriend's fucking the like like how dare you, or a lot of times now it's the girl, the daughter and her boyfriend, and then the mom comes in and like, let me show you how to suck a dick. Yeah, no, this was. Husband. Like this is, I've never seen anything like this back then.

Yeah, and this gotta be mine. This is VHS. I mean, you gotta rewind it. I mean, you should do it. To understand the concept. You have to perfectly time your orgasm. Yeah. So those were the top two scenes.

Top two. What's your bottom scene? The one at the where the guy comes in and he's at a hotel and the girls are staying there and he's like the manager of the hotel and they came in and they force him on the bed. That's fun. Nah, they start sticking stuff in his butt. That's fun. Man, they stats stick of stuff in his butt. That's not fun. Humiliate them.

That's not fun. He takes it. That's not fun. Yeah, I didn't like that one. If you're in management, you gotta learn how to do that. It's a little better as him as a hotel man. As hospitality. Yeah, he's like, oh, okay.

Yeah, sure. Well, we can honor your help. Are you going to leave me a five-star on travel, osity? I don't think you should staple my P. Hhole shot, but that's your opinion as the guest, as the guest of our place. Do you remember, like, I mean, you're gonna have now going to watch porn.

So I'm almost done with it. Yeah. It's so like, I mean, I've seen every. I'm tired. I'm tired, tired. I'm searching for, I'm like typing in, fucking, you know, windy kidnapping. You like the kidnap? No, you know, I'm trying for I'm like typing in fucking you know a windy kidnapping. You like the kid know, you know I'm trying to find some weird shit. Yeah, that I've never seen like on gambling

Sasquatch footage Type in sas, scat. Can you type in Sasquatch? See if any point comes up I like to type in bare knuckle boxing big kids Just see too fucking I want to thick women exchanging type in type in type in Sasquatch porn. Yeah, dude. I bet there's a dude dress like Sasquatch with a big old dog. Oh, I in it to a lady.

This poor girl is trying to give a blowjob and the hair keeps getting in her mouth. Yeah. Excuse me, Mike Diamond. Director Mike Diamond. I don't think I can do this. But you don't watch porn, you live with a girl. Yeah, I live with my lady friend. So you can't really fuck her.

You have, I mean, is she have a not home where you can do it? Road, you just went to the road. You can't do it at home. I'm trying to do it as a joke right now, but it happened. What, you got caught? Yeah. Oh no. On a Bluetooth speaker.

No. Yeah, dude, we got, I Oh no. On a Bluetooth speaker. No. Yeah, dude, we got, I got her a Bluetooth speaker for Christmas. Oh. And then we were both on it. And then it was like the beginning of the pandemic. And I fucking was put porn on my, I was in the, you know, where we recorded the guests, the podcast and stuff.

And I was like, I watch porn in like weeks. Right. I'm typing an old scene. Oh no. And it was like, there wasn't any audio. Yeah. And I was like, where the fuck is the audio? And she was in the shower listening to the speaker.

And I didn't know that my phone was connected and I was turning it up. And I was like, what the fuck? It's like, for wanting the scene. It's just like, and I hear it through the wall, and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, my heart was in my fucking throat. You know that feeling, where you're like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

And I turned it off, and I said, fuck, like a hundred times, was like, fuck, fuck, fuck. And then I come out, and she was like, you know how women drive their hair? And she comes out of the bathroom, she goes, I don't wanna talk about it. And I was like, yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. And then comes out of the bathroom, she goes, I don't want to talk about it. And I was like, yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. And then like a week later, I was like,

I'm really sorry about that. She was like, that was fucking crazy. But there's how much I love Katie like a month ago, because we were both like, one day that's gonna be very funny. Right. And then she walked out to the living room one day, and I was like, Stephen, she goes,

it's time for you to tell that story on stage. Oh no shit. Yeah, she was like, it was too funny. day and I was like, Steve and she goes, it's time for you to tell that story on stage. Oh, no shit. Yeah, she was like, it was too funny. Yeah, it was porn. On porn out of nowhere. It's porn. Audio porn. Audio.

Audio porn. When you're listening to music that makes you feel good and it's cut out and you're just here like, oh, yeah, fuck. Fuck. Yeah. Fucking music. There is.

Nightless that's what. Nightless that's what. Oh, and, I want to watch a more deal of rape and revenge beyond any woman's experience Um, if you know John Carter and Judith Frankl. I'm watching that tonight. I love you. We watch a scene with Frank. There's no scenes Night with sex is it a book or is it a movie? This is a book. I'm not reading porn. Wait, a couple wrote that book. That's so funny. Oh, sorry, honey, I'm all hot at the time right here. You jump in. Then Sasquatch raved to me. He goes, I heard that's where you're going. I heard rocks being thrown into trees from the distance. It sounded like a moose, but there were no moose in the air.

I heard sticks crack as I bent down to pee. As I drank the cool water from the stream, I felt a large hairy hand in my back. And then I heard a crack as I bent down to pee. As I drank the cool water from the stream, I felt a large hairy hand in my back, and instantly became aroused. It went up my sundress. And then he's just massaging her as she's writing it, going, yes, it's very erotic.

Oh, God. It's very erotic, love her. Dude, I don't think fucking list is coming back. He's coming back. You want a bet on it? How much you want to make a bet One dollar, huh? All right. I'll bet you one dollar says the EP doesn't come back. All right. He's coming back. You can't text them. What's up? Play it. This is Sasquatch porn. Oh, gosh. Yeah, dude. Oh, is this Sasquatch good for Sasquatch? Are you playing this dude? We can't

show it. Oh, don't show it. She could show it to me. What's the name of it? It's reality gang. Go look up. Missy Woods, Bigfoot. What are you doing? Can we watch it? Can we watch it? Keep it off screen? Watch it. We just can't show it. Don't show it. We'll just. If you want to watch, it's just typing, Missy Woods. Missy Woods and Cesscwatch. And Bigfoot.

They're two Bigfoot. Takes on Bigfoot. Dude, I love it. That takes on. They make it sound like a boxing match. Yeah, yeah, she finds it. Missy Woods and a super tight vagina versus half man. Half beast.

God. Fucking out of the red corner. Oh my God, all right with this. Yeah, look at you God, hello, is that a popsicle? Oh, why are they gonna make penises look like can we listen to it? Oh, she's running oh she's Falling me she's running No brawn. Oh, here we go. She's screaming mid 90s fucking fake tits. I'll tell you yeah. Oh, she's got You dokes. She's running up a hill. She's running up a hill. This has got to be a lot of film, a lot of fun to film,

not fun to fuck. I bet she, I bet she got her doing this. Big thumbs big foot. That's big foot right there. How big do you think his dick is? Super big or do you think it's like, I think he's like, he's probably 5'8". Nobody you think his dick is, his dog's gonna be big.

Oh, his dick better be big. Cause if you're big foot, oh, there he comes. Basically, it's just a monk. They're playing it like a monkey. Yeah, why? Which is for any Sasquatch enthusiast offensive? It is not he's not a fucking monkey. Oh, they scream. Yeah, he's come on. He's quiet. Yeah, he's a He's the missing link and how is he fucking monkey? How is he not catching her? Oh, I don't know It's such a longer gate than her. I feel like he does have closing speed. Oh, here she comes up. There she comes. There she comes. Her nipples are rock hard

That as she goes into the rock quarry. That's where you're gonna do everyone knows Sasquatch's move quick through rock Yeah, this is actually she got calls eyes over big like a bear. Get big miss Get big. All right. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what? She doesn't understand it. Oh, he's injured. Oh, he hurt his foot I'm out. No, I'm in doing I'm out. No, no friends. No. Yeah, she's gonna suck his dick. No dude. I want to see how transitions Let her help her Give me my money. All right. Take it the EPs back Do you want to watch Do you watch it? Asquatch porn

Turn Jo's my gun. He's Mike's off. Oh here it goes. Oh, it's a thorn in the paw. I can't see either TV So great All right, she just took a thorn out of his paw We're wondering if he has a big dick to play bigfoot Oh, she's gonna start joking them off. I know I know how sluts move Your big tits You're fat fucking titties. What do you think we're doing? I'm a I'm a star squad. I'm not a gay. You're sick. You know

She's lost He's trying not to talk. Dude. I like old pussy finder. Look at that ad. Yeah, dude. 40 plus. My wife is an old pussy.

Yeah, dude. That hurts. Oh, he's just cutting. Oh, oh, it is. Oh, there roasted marshmallows. Would they get marshmallows? I don't know. So, do you have a girlfriend?

Damn, she's already horny for Bigfoot Took some roast mollos and then she's ready to suck off Bigfoot In full makeup Where the woods you stupid bitch why is Bigfoot? Or the same size as her by the way Bigfoot's lucky you can't talk because you just be like you're an idiot I don't know fucking I think that's Mike sure as Dude without a baseball hat mush were you in a fucking big football? Here comes you see it Joe

Can you fast forward Fucking son. Oh, that's big foot damn my whole go back to he pulls it out because it's got to be like you are big foot Yeah, dude, it's got to be so hard to get hard in the Sasquatch Here it comes Post it out big foot pull that dong pull that dong pull that don't pull that don't pull that don't here's goes My god My god big foot's got big dicks That is huge how we how come it's so noticeable that they're not cooking the marshmallows

Yeah, I was producing that that That's how it's bargaining. It's nearly Jesus Christ. What would you do? How would you do, Jack? Damn, dude. If you need a heat source, my career might do the trick. Wow. You're Joe and Fuego live.

Oh, you won 50 bucks. No, we didn't stop it. We already did it. We didn't win. The coin doesn't, the, the win. Where's the coin? Give me that. This is a winner. Give me the coin. Give me the coin. Give me the coin? Give me that. This is a winner.

Give me the coin. Give me the coin. Give it to us. You won 50 bucks. If you're lying, your career goes in the twos. Hold on one second. Win a prize. Yeah.

Let me see. You rock and reveal. You won 50 bucks. Let me see it. Let me see it. I should get it. Let me see it, though. I should get it.

Lie. This is a few dollars. I will bet you 50 dollars.'t, I'll bet you 45. I'll split it with you. Let me hold it. If it's, if it's, I will split it with you. Let me hold the real quick. If you're not lying, I'm gonna check this.

I'm gonna check this. We're gonna throw them all you fucking pot at. This is the thing. This is the problem you made, the mistake you made. What? Oh my God. From New England, New England is don't know scratch, non-New England is don't know scratch tickets.

There is. Is that mean? We're too busy settling in the West. We care about scratch tickets. We live, we're England is don't know scratch tickets. There is that mean we're too busy settling the West. We care about scratch tickets. We live as we're in sconched in scratch ticket. Right. He's from Colorado. They put just got scratching his two years ago. It's not a reading. He's a moron.

Let me see. Let me see. 50 bucks. Let me see. Bitty bucks. He's a fucking. You're a fucking. You're a fucking asshole. He's from Colorado. Never do anything with you. Ever get anything. No, no, no. No, no, no. This is a jackpot. He's from Colorado. Never do anything with you ever know anything. No no

Jackpot no sir Do no sir. Let me see he's acting. He's acting now. Hey, let me see hang on you fucking pot. No, I'm not gonna see it It's a $50 winner 50 baby. I would oh my god. Why'd you pull him a shit up Joe? You're 80 what's 25% of fifth? I want to know what you're not getting oh My god, I was now you're not getting. Oh my God. I was, now you're not getting any of that. Joe, I'll split it with. I get like 12.50.

Can I get 12.50? No, I'm not getting any of anything. We were gonna throw it out. I was gonna take it. I know you weren't. I didn't know. There was gonna be tossed. I was looking at numbers.

Oh God, where are you gonna be this weekend? I'm gonna be at Moon Tower in Texas, Thursday, Saturday, and then I'll be at this weekend. This weekend? This weekend? Oh, so you're doing with Jay, right? Yeah, we're doing a live bonfire Friday night at Antones. Wow.

And then I will be in Milwaukee at the improv, and I will be at the Orlando improv, and I will be at the American Comedy Company. I'm gonna dance at our dot com for tickets. So these are all like theater shows that you're doing with like the real comedians doing real joke. Oh, I thought you were like acting with a company. Nah, bro.

Straight, new hour of stand-up comedy or something like a whole variety. Like a one-man show type of thing. Of absolute hilarious. You're not the one-man show thing now. Oh my God, it's a deep dive. Really? About what? It's called Even and Aurora evening and

Just look back. We're all doing on a paragraph. Yeah. What are you doing? Uh, well as a stand-up comedian this when does this? You're an actor. I never know what Sunday. It's out now with live right now. Well, if you're listening live I'm at helium in Philadelphia this weekend and if you're listening on the regular podcast stream I am in royal oak michigan weekend. And if you're listening on the regular podcast stream, I am in Royal Oak, Michigan. Hey, Dr. Cruz. No, not that's grand rapids. Sorry. Where are you at? Royal Oak is Mark Ridley's. Oh, comedy cast. Oh, comedy cast. How is that place? It's great. They invented the MC feature headliner format. Really? Where's they'd uninvented? I just want to fuck it. MC. I want one guy going going up and then I'm sick of the middle guy

getting the prime spot. I want a guy going up doing fucking 15 minutes. I go up and then he does another 15 at the end. And while the check spot. Oh cool down. Yeah, I'm gonna reinvent with the fuck dang. Holy shit, Bobby, you're on to something. So yeah, we'll look fucking.

Let me hold on to that room. No, I'm not holding on to anything. Let me just do it. The guy goes up and does 15. It's everybody focused. Get it. It brings you out. No fucking, he's done this.

He's the gentleman. You're a headliner. You're a headliner. Robert Kelly. I go out. No checks, Bob. People already got their drinks. They already got their food.

I do it. Thank you very much, thank you. And then I do my jokes, people laugh. And then they cry. And then I go, good night. An hour in I go, good night. Thank you so much. Man.

And then he comes back up. Does 15 minutes check spot, drop all the checks, drop all the checks. What about what about clubs that don't do check spots? Who doesn't do a check spot comedy on state comedy on state. That was a trouble fart. A little tiny bum hole. Even through your fucking old man swept. Yeah, if fucking your coach pants. I went on stage the V you. You're Bella checks. What do you guys think of these pants? My friends were poking fun. Boo. Woman. Ah, fucking hotest woman. I've ever seen in my life. She's like,

those are nice. She's like, they don't look like sweatpants. They look like nice pants. No, they don't. They look made up a lady. I used to made somebody out. I used to make somebody up a lady. Why would you make somebody up to your friends? I swear to God.

He already took $50 from me. Yeah, 25. What a fuck up. I feel, I feel genuinely, I feel. Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you get those little fingers away from me because they scared me? You can now.

I'm not even trying to be funny. I can't trust a person from outside of mess. I don't like that as hair on his knuckles didn't grow, but the the follicles did. Like it's just that it's just the roots The root holes on your knuckles roots, but no hair. Can you even about American history? What does that mean? I don't know. Go with the beard. I like I like the beard. We're about to trip. Yeah, I couldn't kiss the guy with the beard. Why? I don't have a beard. You kiss me. Oh my God. I can kiss you all day. That's what it is. Oh, those lips. All right. Listen, we're going to go away. I didn't expect my date. The testy. What's your date? Critly. How many days do you get? Yeah. You know, I actually years ago hooked up with a cop

How many days you got? You know, I actually years ago hooked up with a cop at that place. What was his name? Yeah. Oh, we have a lot of fun here. It was a funny to be gay. It was a, it was a, it was a, if Lewis was here, that would be an F word chance. I miss Lewis.

I do too. I just talk. When we get the band back together? Let's fly when he stops fucking going on vacation. Yeah, living in Jamaica. Oh my god fucking smoking pot living in Jamaica with a fucking 10 I bought a house in New Jersey. I didn't want to tell you guys. No, you didn't Liz did the same thing. She's like you'll never come back. Forget it. Yada yada You know why she did that? Because she's not an asshole. She's smart. She's smart. Don't move to Jersey.

Move to Westchester. Buy a lake house. You'll be happier. Oh my God. There's a lake. There's a lake right up near me. You can buy a house right on a lake. We'll barbed cheaper.

We can even, we're almost at a bowling team. Yeah, dude. I'm sorry, are you luring right now? Well, set up Classic set up. That was a hand. Oh, you hit hands. This is a wimpy little in the hand you have. We just have our little bird hand.

Yeah, your hands that have never done the yard work ever. Oh, york. All you've done is hold joints and forks with those fucking fingers. Right, then I've done work with my mind, bro. You've done nothing with your mind. I have expanded my brain. You have expanded anything except your head. Whatever.

And pulls, pulls some weeds. Yeah, but I think we're all broke. I do. I'm so happy. I can't even speak up. So happy to have you go. Can you go back to the Bigfoot Ports? Yeah.

What is that? What are you bringing up? Oh, there you go. Creeps of kids this weekend. Hey, you go back, baby. We're back. I'm very excited. We're back at Long Island.

Celebrity Theater in New Jersey on my birthday weekend. Yeah, eighth and ninth. I'm very excited. We're back at Long Island, celebrity theater in New Jersey on my birthday weekend. Yeah, eighth and ninth. I'm very excited. And Governor's Comedy Club Skankfest, South comics come home at the TD Garden. I'm doing that again. You're doing Skankfest. Oh, yeah. Where are you? Oh, bro. Yeah, that's so much. Oh, good. What? Are you serious? Yeah, dark. We should do a live fucking. You know what dude? We're gonna do a you not dude. We're gonna do one. Yeah, look, we gotta get, I mean, Lewis, it's his festival. So he has to be there.. I'm doing I'm doing a YKWD. We crowd surf remember And where's the invite dude? It was it's always it's there. We do it every time we do skankfest. Oh, yeah We lift the hat on to it. That was a lot of fun. You writing rich bosses hat on fire was one of my favorite comedy moments

It was awesome. We paid for it. The fans paid for it. Yeah. Yeah. So, I've been in the comedy club. I'm gonna be in Jersey with Joe Lives now. Right. That's right. And the warehouse, I got a bunch of dates up there.

Comicwearables.com, all YKWD gears up there. Use the code word Ladybugs and get 20% off everything you want. Awesome YKWD hat, YKWD shirt, fuck, dog, bell, the sister pink shirts up there. Pancake, Sunday, all kinds of stuff. I'm there. Cold word ladybug. Dan Soda's, no one's bought your shirt yet though. Why? You can buy a Dan Soda shirt. 25 bucks. Yeah, look at that. I have one. I wear it all the time. I don't have one too. You give me.

I love it. He wore it to set. I did it. I wore it to set. Yeah, it was fun. Also, what else do we got? Patreon.com, oh Patreon.com,

such Robert Kelly go there. We're going to be going there very shortly, correct? Yep. You got a microphone over there. You're just going to whisper in my ear. Joe go bragging. No, what the fuck? Don't fuck? Hey, check this out. I got to read this ad now, right? No, after the extra time. Nice talk to you. All right. Listen, everybody, I want to thank both of

them. I mean, I got to be honest. Can I have a moment right now? Sure. All right. I love both of you guys. I love you too. So much. And I know you guys are all doing your own thing. Sure. I remember you guys as little tiny bucks running around, being in your kitchen, being in my kitchen. I did it twice there. Right. I brought them in.

Memories come up here and it was that little area over there. You know, just sit right there and drink. Those are the ones that are going to really ruin our lives. Well, don't say that now, because people don't know. Oh, I'm sorry, I already made peace with it. Yeah, we've made peace. Yeah, I've set myself up, or I have a secret bank account for when those old people know what dude's break.

Yeah. My health is disappear. Catch me in Montana. I'm really working. Is that why you do the beard? What's really screw us? God, this guy, he's gonna be a powerful EP, probably running Lionsgate. Yeah, Lionsgate.

He's gonna be Universal. Universal. Think of like Universal head Joe List has to step down after a 2009 podcast surface. And it's me like this. Yeah. Anyways, you guys ruined my moment. What we love you.

You ruined what we do. Yeah, that was fun though. The wooden thing, everyone signed it. But then you brought it to your career being moment. What we love you. You ruined what we do. Yeah, that was fun though. The wooden thing and everyone signed it. But now you brought it to your career being ruined. Now I say, well, our careers, we didn't make it about ourselves. Bobby and I might survive. We're not Hollywood elites. Yeah, we're not elites.

We're a character actors. Yeah, we're on the outskirts. We do the web perimeter. We out there, we get into roles. But basically, we're just doing it to help with our stand standup career. Yeah, and we get back into standup You're like you're an executive producer. You're a writer. You're there's a lot of guilds involved with you Yeah, you have more to lose you got a lot of guild energy. I'm sure this I'm sure this film we made will be more Accepted in Hollywood than billions

Thanks is a great show Sunday nights at 9 p.m. On showtime I don't think ours will be on showtime. Are you looking in your camera? I'm running a down barrel, yes. Down the barrel. We made... Hi, I'm Dan Soder from Billions, and a lot of mean things have been said here tonight.

But something that you can... I haven't laughed in this much in so long. I know, I've been seeing the lineups. I'm moving to the A-Dose. What? We've had a good laugh. Yeah, sure. Paul and Quinn were supposed to be on next week, but I'm out of town.

I'm going on tour with somebody that helped Joe make a movie. And I am a... Ron on Hirschman. Yeah, Ron on. You got me with Ron on. Ron on's nervous. Yeah, why? Because he's like, he's going to bully me.

He's like, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, he's going to call me fat, like an idiot, a loose fat. I'm fat. Why would I call him fat? Ron on is so nice. Why would I call him fat? I don't know if he said fat, but he was like, I'm fat. Why would I call him fat? Ronan is so nice. Why would I call him fat? I don't know if he said fat, but he was like, I'm worried.

But what do you really? I said, you got a kind of gun. You know what I said? We've been working on Bobby. It's a new, new Bobby. If this was 2000, Bobby's gonna work on Bobby. If this was two, I said, we, we as a team.

Now Tim and Alan. Yeah, did I, we, well dude, young Alan, you meet with the proverbial we. Well, what are. We. Well, dude, you know, Alan, you meet with the proverbial we. Well, you give, well, you, I'm doing it. I'm saying if this was 2006, you'd have, you'd be giving me a wedgie, calling them a Jew, break in his glasses, but I think now you're gonna be friendly.

I was catching some meat. 2010. Can I tell you why I feel like I've changed? Because that Iber, kept going. No, no, not because when I wrote, I'm rewatching the Sopranos, and I really have empathy for Kamela. Oh.

I really, I see her side of it now. Oh, fun. And I know that I've changed as a person because I feel bad about it. I hate Sopranos. You don't like the Sopranos? I can't talk about it anymore. Why?

Because everyone tweets at me, hey, you fucking blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You don't like the Sop. Why? Because everyone tweets at me. Yeah, you fucking blah blah blah blah blah. You don't like the Sip Proudos. That's right. Are you fucking kidding me? That's right. All right, we'll talk about this in the Patreon. Oh, it's too many. No, we'll talk about it in the Patreon. We'll go into the Patreon right now.

I can't get any Patreon. Let's all go to the Patreon. Let's all go to the Patreon. Joe Tressel, we got new Nikki. Let's all go to the Patreon. Joe Russell, we got new Nikki. Let's all go to the Patreon. Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. Go to Joe Liz hates the Bronos. Now, thank you. You know what, dude?

Stick around. It's not over yet. This episode of YKWD is continuing now, exclusively on patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. One, two, slow. Now exclusively on patreon.com slash a rubber kelly. One, two, slow. Three, four, my, Dan. So what are you really gonna get a house? Get off your phone.

Dude, stop. I'm looking up hiccups. Off. Look at it. Down, look at it up. Yeah, hiccups with murder. Yeah. Yeah. If you get hiccups more than two days or more. You need your dog, myrtle. Have at it. Down. Hold on. Yeah. Pickups with murder. The doctor. If you get hiccups more than two days or more,

you need your dog, my herdele have a real breathing. Why did you name her my herdele? Because she's a sweet old bitch. Okay. That's fucking good enough for me. And so it on the chat to the picture of Nicole with me and you. Now, where is it? There it is. Robert.

Oh my God. Mike is screwed up again. Exactly like a damn dude. You know what, dude? The 2021 version. Oh my God. And I'm the bald one. Thanks. Now two fucking donkeys. What do you call? Where is, uh, where is Joe? Where's New Joe? Right here. Hey, uh, so you're going to get a house. You're going to do it. That's some day. I don't. Well, you know what, dude? I got a thing for you. That's the name of the show. What? What do you got for me? Right now you can go to wick a good wholesale furniture

Fact dude dude from Boston you come in you get wick a good deals Wicked good deals 70% off regular retail prices 70% dude for you. I'll buy a house just to get the bed We carry Ashley they carry cop and ta I'll buy a house just to get the bedding. We carry Ashley, they carry Coppenta, National-wide, National-wide, and more furniture for all your rooms too. So when you feel that little, that little not really ocean front property.

Damn. He's not gonna get ocean front. What are they called at? What do they call that? Oh, he's gonna be fucking. Get off your phone. What are you calling for? I'm right here.

No, you're not dude. We're right here. I'm gonna get out of here. I'm gonna have my phone. Put your phone on the table. Put it on your lap. If I get over there and I find your phone, put your phone on the table. Dan. Hands up here. We're cool. Hey, we're cool. We can finish your dark. Now, don't be wicked pissing. Get your smile ass over there. Get your smile ass over there. All right. Check. Read the rest of that in a Boston asset. We're fucking cool.

Now don't be a wicked pisser and get your smile as over here to see us. We're just over the Phillipsburg bridge. It's in East and Pennsylvania. Why are you doing Boston? Just go. He's from Boston. Gabe, he's down in Pennsylvania. So why aren't you just doing? That's what furniture companies are.

Yeah, but I bet all those friends will like you're not going to sell any furniture if you move to Pennsylvania. Yeah, here he is. How he's doing it. So wicked. No, fuck that. It's Pennsylvania, dude. We're just over the Vast Philly. Don't move Philly.

Yeah, fuck you, Eastern Pennsylvania, dude. We just over the Phillipsburg Bridge located at 316 pound center. Boulevard. Eastern Pennsylvania,gles. I hate you Don't say that. It's a Boston accent. No bro. You're not in your home This ain't a home game. It's a way dude I mentioned the podcast and get free delivery and set up. We look forward to seeing you. It's actually more ballamore I love you guys. I love you too, man. I had a great time. Fuck, I love you guys. I'd love to kiss fuck. God. It's just what a land top you guys and just give you the business.

It's not like that when I have gay sex, I talk like Clint Eastwood. Yeah, I'm dear ass. Dan Soda. Dan Soda.com. Dan Soda.com. JoeList.com. Comedian JoeList. Comedian JoeList. Somebody had JoeList. The executive producer. Executive producer of the movie called, what's the name of it again?

I can't reveal that. It's called Shiny Buttholes in the Sunlight. Yeah, that's called. Fucked it dude. Fucked it. Uh. Uh. It's called Shiny Buttholes in the Sunlight based on the artist having way play. Uh. Oh, Papa. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha No, I don't control it. It's rara. I got it. Ordemion. Wolf, see for it.

That's a long name. Andrew, done. I want to thank all you guys for being a Patreon members. Thanks coming on board. Hope you guys enjoyed this episode as much as I did. YKWD fans, you're the best fans in the fucking world. Musashi. What is that?

What? I was saying thank you. What? What's your mochi? Thank you. Don't do that ever again. All right. I find it too adorable and I would want you to.

Robert. I don't have that. Mochi-mochi. Why do I? You do it. It's not adorable. He does it. It's adorable.

You do it like an American Nutcicilla. Oh, mochi-mochi. Whoa. Oh, my God. It's on page. Oh, my God. You do it looking American Oh Mossey Mossey Oh my god, it's on page. Oh my god. You're lucky we're behind a paywall. What are you talking about? Why is that better I'm anime dude get off me. I'm in different markets Listen dude we're gonna go dude. I love you guys pay today.com. That's Robert you are you are the best if you're in Japan Make sure you check out big worm little princess my new cartoon coming out on the Kyoto network This is not Big worm little heart

See you guys next week on you know So offensive, I'll see you guys next week on you know what Yeah, and don't forget to get a wicked furniture dock It's not a billy ass shit Best best best things will be in your furniture fucking Pass me something Stop it! Don't think you drink some water after haves See you tomorrow

Bye You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. you