Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Dan Soder Joe List | Turner and Cooch

Episode Date: July 5, 2021

We've got two thirds of The Regs back, Joe List and Dan Soder! We get into comedian MMA, sexual female domination, and the future of sketch comedy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoic...es.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en preno, conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la Dición Especial de Madrid nos liga.
Starting point is 00:00:24 Un humenaje de mao, a Madrid. en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. Sabemos lo importante que es sentirse acompañado. Por eso en Caisha Bank, ahora cuentas con un préstamo para hacer realidad tus ilusiones. Solicitalo desde el móvil, otra vez de tu gestor. Informate en CaishaBank.es. Caisha Bank, tu y yo, nosotros. Siempre que se mantenga las circunstancias económico
Starting point is 00:01:02 financieras del solicitante en el momento de la solicitud. WDs back again. is the original. You know what, dude? It was cut off a little quick there, a little, a little, a little before it's time. Sorry about that. And his microphone is on. And neither is Dan's, but that's the way I like it. That's why I like it. Bush knows. Bush knows. Breathe life into us way I like it. Push those. Push those.
Starting point is 00:02:05 Breathe life into us. I wanna say right now, I am so excited that this is happening. This is my camera up there. I'm very excited about this. I am very excited about this happening right now. I have not only two of my greatest friends, okay? Two of my greatest friends who I love dearly.
Starting point is 00:02:25 One little more than the other. Joe. But. It's the Boston thing. What are you? How do you mind? It's you. Yes, suck my dick.
Starting point is 00:02:34 And you're sick. Why do I have to suck your dick? I'm already suck your dick. I'm already suck your dick. I'm already suck your best friend. I got to suck your dick now too. But they are part of the regs, majority of it. Probably 95% of the regs. Yeah. of it, probably 95% of the regs.
Starting point is 00:02:46 Yeah, I mean, funny-wise. Well, I don't know. No, I'm just, you fucking corbid. No, Dan Soda, aka corporate dentist here. We got Joe list of truth. Lewis, we tried, of course he tried. We love Lewis. Maybe James has a new lesson that I've got to take him to.
Starting point is 00:03:01 This is what bothers me about the Lewis thing. Yeah. I was all excited to see Lewis have the regulars. He pushes to have us all. And by the way, Lewis is way funny than Dan on the podcast. Yeah. That's the he's Lewis is so funny in the podcast that it's exclusively the only place he's ever
Starting point is 00:03:18 Yeah, he's like the he's like the WB frog when he said right. Watch out for that camera where your big blonde head Gabby's here fucking taking up the back and the front of the camera as usual oh you smell good was I just want to introduce real quick we got mush produce and mush Mike Schwarez at much V Schwarez on the producer and everything we got Christie McNichol aka Christie McNichol Nicole right yeah that's right yeah and then we got what's your name? Matt, we got a booger. A.K.A.
Starting point is 00:03:49 Booger. Max, he said, max, I like max. It's my son's name. Good name. Max. Max, wait, because your son has like a Jew name. No, he does not. Yes, Mike does.
Starting point is 00:03:58 First of all, a little bit. Okay, hang on. You're a Jew, right? Yeah. Yeah, and it's Matt as well, right? Also, why are you being so, why are you so against it? Yeah. You hate Jews. What's wrong with Jews, huh? Yeah, dude. Say you're, tell me. First of all, a Donald Lempiterico muzzle tough.
Starting point is 00:04:11 Oh, man. Bobby, quick question. Yes. Snips. I'm going to tell you this right now. You know, grandmother, this is why he's not a Jew. It's not a Jewish name. My grandmother said, when we said we're going to call him Matt, she said, now, that's a Jewish name. I like the grandma. Oh, man. I heard his Catholic from Boston.
Starting point is 00:04:29 They were out. Literally, in a bed at a nursing home near death's door. And you were like, booby. She went, she went, no, it has to be a saint. Has to be a Catholic saint. John Joseph Michael. Did she pull you close to say something more anti-Semitic?
Starting point is 00:04:47 Where she was like, Bobby, they're very bad people. You can't name your child after that. Francis, why is my grandmother a Jew? I don't know. You're off today, you can't do characters. Sorry. It was like, Bobby, why they're very bad people, Bobby. Why are you naming him a Jewish name?
Starting point is 00:05:03 You know, that's so off from Irish Catholic. So did came in with a guy. Dr. He's uncle and like wisdom. So do like does math now. He knows Hemingway. I had to get to impression. I had to hit on my head.
Starting point is 00:05:15 We got to hit him back. Gabby, give him a hook. Want me to punch you in the face? Yeah, do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. There's a little chit. A bear.
Starting point is 00:05:27 Hold on. Let me try that scene. Let me take that scene again. She goes, uh, Bobby don't name my true name. It's disgusting. They don't know how to do pastrami kid. They do though. Really do. I'm not I'm not saying it's specifically a Jew name. It's just there's tons of Jews named Matt. But I, she said, But Dan, a lot of Jews named Dan also. If you look, that's why Max is not named Max. His name is Maximus.
Starting point is 00:05:52 Saint Maximus. Oh, I thought you were getting ready to be a male stripper. I, Maximilian. No, Maximilian dollars. That's definitely Jews. Right, right, right. Pa, we've preferred if you call him Maximilian. That's it, start Right, right, right. We've preferred if you call them X-amillion. That's it, start.
Starting point is 00:06:05 I'm back. Really? So his name is Maximus. What's the name? St. Maximus. I use a martyr, whatever. It'd have been funny if you'd name him Maxim.
Starting point is 00:06:17 Doesn't martyr. Yeah, it doesn't martyr. That didn't, that didn't martyr. I, like, murder. Hi, like murder. Yeah, thanks. I see. Guys, listen, we're just getting the rust off. Yeah, shaking it off.
Starting point is 00:06:31 So anyways, it's good to have you guys back. I haven't seen you together here in a long time. Yeah, that's right. Since the world was old. How mad do you think Lewis would be if you saw Gabby sitting where he should sit? Oh, he's gonna murder me. He's gonna ask to smell that chair. I got a spot by there later. I got to buy a tikka sniff. Oh my god. Remember the last time she sold her panties? Yeah, I think he still hasn't oh, I still use that projector. You do? He still uses those I thought you're gonna say you still use that bartering technique
Starting point is 00:06:59 and it's I mean, he gets choked out in jiu-jitsu. They hold those up to his nose. That's a smelling snolt. Yeah But I she in the room. I brought up a topic from last. You're not gonna like this, Bob And I don't want to put you in a bad mood. Well, uh, well, I mean, maybe I shouldn't maybe I should pull the plug on this No, no, no, why? Well, fuck both of you. We go ahead. We had in a bad mood because of you and you why? Because you just turned on me and we're like no fucking put him in a bad mood I didn't say that yeah He said it might put you in a bad move. Maybe I shouldn't let it fly is kind of like Well, I'm not gonna name names, but we had last time we were here We had a conversation. I presented the idea that Gabby would beat you in a boxing match
Starting point is 00:07:38 Yeah It would and then I brought it up at the seller table and most of the people were in agreement Yeah, because the people shut up most of the people were in agreement. Yeah, because most of the people shut up. Most of the people there don't like me. No, that's not true. And then my best friends. I know. Yeah, they don't like me.
Starting point is 00:07:52 And nor do I like them. If I'm breaking this down, I will fight. I will fight you. Can I break this down Max Kellerman style? Yeah, I would say dangerous reach. Cardio for days. She's got a deep tank. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:04 Bobby's got pure punching powers But he wouldn't be able to hit her. I'm a Fucking punch the best people out of her asshole. Yes, if he can press I will press her in your corner Dude if you can get her if you can cut the ring off buddy. Listen to me Can I just say her underwear will look like a juicer? Yeah, the back of a juicer Right now got it's gonna look like she farmer blew out of both nose. Yeah, one blood, one blood, one thigh.
Starting point is 00:08:27 It's too long, okay, there you go. So being, telling you, she's got the goods, she can really move. I'm quick, I'm fucking tired. I want to. Dude, I'll punch tits into her. It's not gonna happen. No, I think she would jab and move.
Starting point is 00:08:39 She's got a good trainer. I will fight you for charity. If you hit him on the button. I don't care about charity. Her lips are already swollen. Yeah, yeah. If you for charity if you hit them on the button. I don't care about charity. Our lips are already swollen. Yeah. If you hit those a thing, did you know that now they're real? I know they're real.
Starting point is 00:08:50 Are they really real? Yeah. Those are real lips. Those are like rolling stones lips. All right. If you if you hit Bobby on the nose, if you push the button, my nose, my nose, you got them to water up. You would be in you'd be in a first of all if you hit my nose nothing happens it's
Starting point is 00:09:07 broken five times I only breathe out of one nostril it's an S that makes sense all right I have an S in my nose say with me S big S what if he what if she hits you right in the middle of the S will shut down the whole operation I won't be able to breathe but it won't matter because it won't feel it okay you have to be like this and then she can just keep around. She got a king hippo you. So you shut your mouth and then she goes to the belly. Lips could be how we promote the fight
Starting point is 00:09:31 because you have the two best pairs of lips. We do, we do. Best male lips, best female lips. Yeah. We can call it the lips. Yeah, I'm just gonna. Good, nice. I'm thinking of something else like lip war
Starting point is 00:09:43 or the battle of the kissy faces. Oh Max can promote it Watch out for the cuties Dude I will fight you Gabby. I will fight you. Listen. I don't want to hurt you. Oh my god I was stepping. I do think Gabby would win, but you would not hurt him It would be like what no You take him to the distance. I wouldn't I wouldn't do that however I would make her come to me and as soon as she got cocky because she wants you know She was as soon as the cameras and they started booing she'd be like I have to do something I have to
Starting point is 00:10:17 I need approval and she come to me Yeah, and then she shaped me I would grab her wrist on this hand I would pull her towards me and punch issue shaped me, I would grab her wrist on this hand. I would pull her towards me and punch her right and her gun. And then literally vegetables would shoot out of her asshole and cover the like galagher. It would be the flash zone. You, you're not boxing gloves on. I'd grab my little thumb. I'd be able to grab a little bit. Somebody make a fight call. I mean, can we just cut right to the chase? Look at that. Make a fight poster. I'm telling you what would happen is,
Starting point is 00:10:47 if you, if you pressed the fight, you would go up on the cards, but you would gas, and then she could just pick. You don't know my gas. I mean, you don't know my gas. You don't know my gas. It's gonna be a moment where Bobby gets serious. So I don't, I don't know if we want to get there,
Starting point is 00:11:03 or if we should move on. I will say that. No, I would't know if we want to get there. Yeah, or if we should move on. I will say that I would have your son drop a very detailed contract Because if you hit her you're gonna do serious day. Oh, Bobby gets happy. I just get so mad like fucking cracker retina What the fuck? No, you wouldn't know you wouldn't you be on the floor No, if you caught her I mean we want to make it clear sure if you caught her with any kind of power punch
Starting point is 00:11:29 I would say her life raised her right I would take a grace. I would I'm from the Jersey Shore I could take a great day or not dude. I she said boyfriend. She had she's an Italian boy friends listen Dude, I would catch you you do this thing and I would catch you I would catch you I cut off the ring and I throw right into the ring like clubber laying through rock and roll. And you did that blood stain mouthpiece. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:53 Yeah. Come on, Debbie. You ain't a real producer. I'm a real producer. He's gonna, he's gonna follow her out. That way, Dan. Thank you, Jeff. I hope you always believed in me.
Starting point is 00:12:04 There's no way you would win a fight with her at all. Me? I could beat up Dan, but I couldn't beat up Joe. She's seen me. She's seen me shadow a little bit. Yeah, yeah. We get trained by the same person. I know.
Starting point is 00:12:16 You know what I know. Both of you. I would wrap him. First of all, you're from your fist to your show. There was the same size. Great. Disgusting. And all the powers in your hips look at these Iowa farm hips
Starting point is 00:12:26 Look at these Iowa farm lady hips. I twist these things Gabby's going to sleep Then Bon Jovi's playing a special we lost a family member concert. She was once my daughter The hips took her out Chukur out a lot of stone. It was gathered. I'm a standover her like Ali to listen. I'm a whole fucker holding up first minute first round.
Starting point is 00:12:53 I know. See, here's the thing. Soher has read a lot about boxing, but Gabby's been in the gym since he was 11. I mean, she can really fight this. Yeah, no, Gabby. I would I would put all the money in the bank. I would you could not beat her. Yeah. Oh, buddy. Here's I could beat all the money in the bank. I would, you could not beat her.
Starting point is 00:13:06 Yeah. Oh, buddy, here's you. I could beat you. You wouldn't be able to beat me. I could beat you. Baba, listen to me, I will fight you for real, for Rizzles. For real?
Starting point is 00:13:13 I would be laughing. Let's do a rocket. And then you'd get serious. I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'd be clinching you and I'd be like, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, I can't fucking let me go, Dan. I'm good.
Starting point is 00:13:24 You only have to worry about, is my fucking Fiskettin stuck in your weird belly button. I'm gonna tell you that you called her your mom. Mommy's calling. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.
Starting point is 00:13:32 I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.
Starting point is 00:13:40 I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I on this is bad. I'm gonna tell that you called her your mom Mommy's calling I I do call our mama I call a mama, but she probably called and then Now come on connect
Starting point is 00:13:58 You guys have a trouble connecting. Yeah, why? Why? Yeah, why? Hello Hello Hello, why do I say hello? Hello? Hello? Are you there? Oh? Good news Bobby max just got into juice school What's juice juice good school don't know. It's just good school. It's all school. That's what my mom always call.
Starting point is 00:14:27 Yeah. Juice goes better. Dude, you would not win against me. How long do I have to train? Dude, you can have, I was, if I got my gas tank up, it'd be, dude, I will let you have three months. We can fight at the call to punch out that's happening. Ooh.
Starting point is 00:14:41 Are you want to do it for the bomb fight? Let's do the bomb fight a punch out. Let's do the, I punch. No, let's do the, I'm too lazy to prove this. Cause I think like in my head I'm like, and then you're like, I could beat you and I'm like, what I have to do three months of training. I like, yeah, you could beat me.
Starting point is 00:14:55 Yeah, all right, but you could train, but don't, but I'm gonna be training too. So that's what if you go back to shredded Bobby, what if you show up and I'm just fucking ripped just diesel? Yeah, I would that would that would be a trouble for you Yeah, I'd do a lot of running I do a lot of this But they hit your head would be so easy. Oh, yeah, I know but that's why I keep that move you can't you can't move
Starting point is 00:15:14 You can only move that ever like a minute 30. Yeah, but that's why I got to hope your tank stuff big so you're just like Yeah, it's not moving that big fucking head dude Joe list I think would be I think he's a big problem. I think you'd give Lewis dude. Look. Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh I do I do Kappa. What are we do? No, you can't do cop. What is that sorority? No, it's dance a dance stupid bit. You can tap. So did his tap. No, Lewis is crazy. He's gonna win that fight. Lewis.
Starting point is 00:15:52 You think Lewis is gonna win that fight? Lewis is training all day and he's fucking crazy. Have you seen guys fighting? I saw a picture. He's got tattoo. Who's big? No, no, have you seen him like throw punches and kicks? Listen, I don't care about that guy. It's a big fucking problem. There's a difference. I think lose you gotta you gotta have money. Who wants?
Starting point is 00:16:09 I'll bet you right here. How much you want a bet? I'll bet a hundred dollars Don't tell you a book. I don't want to lose I'm betting again. I bet I bet you hundred bucks. I'll vote for I'll bet I just want action to go. I'll bet I'll lose hundred bucks. I'll bet a hundred bucks on Lewis Okay, well, but it's 200 bucks. You got it. You're fucking I'm 100 bucks on Lewis, okay, well, but it's 200 bucks. You got it. You're fucking I'm yeah, I'm free to my friendship with Lewis. Yeah, well, you do come on. It's too late. You can't take it back. Now, right? 100 bucks. Jason Ellis. I don't know. Jason. All right. You want to do this? No, absolutely. You don't want to dance. Why? I'm not gonna waste a hundred dollars. I'm gonna only do. So you think that he's
Starting point is 00:16:39 going to win Lewis. No, I don't know else about either to make a educated fucking On a small amount of tape. I've seen of Jason Ellis. I but Lewis is not yeah Lewis is Jason is Jason Ellis is fought MMA fighter Yes, but he's always not training is the old He's training. I don't know anything about Jason Ellis. I really personally Is that then you remember when Mayweather and Paul were fighting? No, did you see that fight? No, I don't even know anything about fighting. There's a huge difference between, I just go once a week. Ellis's punches are a little faster.
Starting point is 00:17:11 And Emma Lewis punches faster. Lewis did greatness fight. But he lost a lot more weight than the last fight. Ellis is training harder than last fight. Lewis looks good. Has what time than last fight? Lewis looks very, very good. Lewis looks very, very good.
Starting point is 00:17:23 He's been training very, very hard. I'm just saying, I have money on Jason Ellis now. I have money in Louis, because I bet it against Louis last time and I lost money. And I bet four Louis. Yeah, and I was there when you bet that, right? We just roll reversal.
Starting point is 00:17:37 We roll reversal, right? I don't have a role reversal. And also if Louis is, if Louis Sarah's like, I'm the man. You are the lady. If they were rowing, we're verging the other way. If Lewis loses, we have to have on the podcast to apologize to you guys for losing a bit. And if he wins, I will pay you an apologize to Lewis.
Starting point is 00:17:58 And I will write a song of Lewis's triumph, an old Swedish saga. At him, how's that go? Over the news. Lewis has prospered. It's not a hymn. It's a her now. All right.
Starting point is 00:18:12 There you go. Or it's a they are them fuck it's a better joke. Sorry, but I'm excited for this action. Lewis tried to spar me once at the gym. Yeah, I was called me. Yeah, I said absolutely not. It's not dry right on the mouth. And then I was like,
Starting point is 00:18:24 I hit you and then I smell you. Why you'd never go a little deal? You'd never date Louis. No. Would you ever make a love to him? No. You'd never hook up with him like at a music festival and he's looking good.
Starting point is 00:18:33 No. Would you have a kiss him? No. I've heard he's a wonderful lover. What's your type? I've also heard that. Yeah. Have you heard it from women?
Starting point is 00:18:41 Yes. Yeah, he loses a low key. And I say something though, he fucks good. Yeah. He apparently fucks good. He fucks good. Let's not call him a lover. He's not a lover.
Starting point is 00:18:50 Yeah, he's a secret lover. No, he's not. He's a sweet lover. He's not David Hasselhoff. He's a fool. I bet Louis holds you by the back of your head like a newborn baby. I'm like, are you okay? Yeah, he goes, good.
Starting point is 00:19:01 I'm going to penetrate you now. Are you ready for phase two? I'm going to put my dick Are you ready for phase two? I'm gonna put my dick in you. It's a couple different colors. Don't get scared. It's gonna slap and meet, but it's gonna take you to places you've never been.
Starting point is 00:19:11 That's just the bottom of my stomach because I lost all kinds of weight. But the skin's still there. Yeah, don't be scared. Did the woman that tell you this was she an attractive woman? Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:19:21 Oh my God. Oh my God. What, I've told you this before before was it at the MMA gym? Where she told you no, was it at a woman's rehab victim? Yeah, was that a battered woman's home? I mean, I didn't like it, but it was a good for she a mole lady living under the city. Yeah, I was a rat He's got a big piece too. He's got a big piece apparently. Yeah, yeah, it's got a He's it. Yeah, swings it. I'm so glad about the game. Yeah, I don't want Gabby going to hurt you. Fuck good. Yeah, having those
Starting point is 00:19:50 things. I would never say that to us face. Oh, to Lewis. He's going to jerk off to this clip alone. Fuck. Yeah, he's going to take those panties. Are you a good fuck? I think so. I mean, my wife has orgasms. I'm very thoughtful. I make sure she comes first before I worry about myself. Right. I would think so. You fuck for like three hours. No. No, I mean, it's I'm in and out. I'm good. I said you wait for her to come first. Oh, Hey, there you go. I mean, it was a good one. I did a little loose. I was a classic. I think I was a good one. I thought it was a good one. Isn't it funny that there's you could joke about someone coming fast or
Starting point is 00:20:22 taking forever. Yeah, both jokes work. Yeah, they both on women, it's forever and on men, it's quick. Or you're a dude and it's forever. That's. That's when I was on Paxil. I had to get off. I mean, no pun intended. Yeah. I would take like forever.
Starting point is 00:20:34 I would jerk off like my dick was all bloody and bruised. Oh, yeah, because I would just beat it for like three hours. Whoa. Yeah. You didn't know when to stop. No, because you're like, you want to come. You're like, you just can come. You just can't. That's like a circus chimp. It's really bad.
Starting point is 00:20:47 Yeah, dude, I would stop if I started. If they walked by your cage, they'd go, what's wrong with his? But you walk out and I was like, devastating women, they'd be so upset because they'd like, they're like, I'm fat, I suck, because I can't make you come. No, no, I'm on Paxle and Xanax.
Starting point is 00:21:01 Will you fucking fat women though? Well, yeah, that also. That's funny. What about you, are you a good fuck. Well, yeah, that's awesome. That's funny. What about you? Are you a good fuck? Ah, yeah, I can show up. Yeah, yeah. I'm not like all the time awesome, but...
Starting point is 00:21:13 But are you, I listen, are you a good lover or are you good fuck? There's a difference. I'm a good lover. So, okay, so you're not a good fuck. No, I'm a good fuck. I'll wait a second. You can be both. I'm not saying again.
Starting point is 00:21:23 I never said you can. I'm saying though, my point, which I think Gabby's onto, if you're a good fuck. I'm not saying I never said you can. I'm saying though, my point, which I think Gabby's onto, if you're a good fuck, you're gonna be a good fuck. I'm a good fuck. I have, better than a good, I have raging intimacy issues. So I don't think I can be a good, what does that mean? Means I have a hard time letting people in. But you're in love.
Starting point is 00:21:40 Yeah, I mean, love now and we've done a lot of work. That quarantine was a lot of really figuring out my shit. This is real. It's good. That's a good, that's a bit. You know, that great bit about that. It has with marriage. If somebody talked about a car, the way they talk about marriage, you would never buy it.
Starting point is 00:21:53 And he's like, this car right here, this is a lot of work. You're going to have good days in bed. Yeah. That's a car right here. That was always my problem. I mean, that's what Alan helped with. You know, Alan was like, you don't love anything in. So he made you a good lover.
Starting point is 00:22:09 Yeah. You still talking to Alan? Yeah. Yeah. He made sure I was just having today, but I didn't. He's rumor is in the flesh and the fall. That's what I heard. I'm tired of this on the phone shit.
Starting point is 00:22:20 I can hear him. He's like, his window opened. I know there's kids playing by the back. I was going mad to tell him we go, Hey, I'm talking about my dead sister. Yeah, shut up those kids. He's at the park reading going. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hold on. Hold on. I'll have a big side. Let me get too hot. Yeah. Mustard. And then you see like, fuck you, motherfucker. Yeah. In the back because he still lives in the lower east. And there's a pause. He's a
Starting point is 00:22:40 grotto. Talk to you next week. Wait a minute. It's like 13 minutes. Yeah therapy on the phone is fucking rough. Yeah, he quits Like early. Yeah, he goes over here. What are you gonna have for lunch today? Yeah, all right. Well, let's just cut this right here Yeah, and I think he has also speaker phone. I think his family's To him they go Is that all that I can hear that yeah, they were, no, they think you're funny. I'm like, no, they don't. No, I heard his kid say, is this the one with the amazing special?
Starting point is 00:23:08 And he was like, yeah, the best one. Whoa. Yeah. I heard his, I heard someone go, is that the guy, it's a really good fuck that you're making a new and incredible lover? Anyone? His kid said that. It's happening.
Starting point is 00:23:18 Oh, great. I heard the guy goes, is this the original one that got everybody into therapy? Yeah. And it's like the funniest one. And the one that opened up the most and has changed the most all true I don't know. I mean, I think I've changed the most know you haven't retaken Change a little bobby what Bobby was like a Bobby was like a boss car kid
Starting point is 00:23:39 He was like riding the rails Bobby still scary. He almost fought Gabby right here. He wants to Yeah, when's the last time you heard me talk about climate change or hypokondry or anything like that right? rails. Bobby is still scary. He almost fought Gabby right here. He wants to. Yeah. When's the last time you heard me talk about climate change or hypocondruir or anything like that, right? You know what? Long, tonic attack. You know what I mean? I have you haven't apologized to me for nothing. I'm sorry. You haven't called yourself gay in a long time. That's true. Also, you haven't asked me as everyone mad at you. Yeah. I feel great. I don't give a fuck of your mad at me because Alan. Well, I hope you're mad at me. What about I feel great. I don't give a fuck of your mad at me. Because Alan, I hope you're mad at me. Well, what about me?
Starting point is 00:24:06 I have let love into my life. Yeah, what about me? I haven't got mad since you guys showed up today. No, I know that's not true. Yeah, you did. I wasn't mad, not mad, mad. That's true. I wasn't mad.
Starting point is 00:24:16 I didn't yell at anybody. But that's like spicy. No, because we let Bobby know he named his kid a Jew name and he's not even that mad about it. I mean, he's gripping his hands under the table No, he's teaching me under the table Everybody assumes his child is Jewish and he's not even that Doesn't make me mad
Starting point is 00:24:35 Yeah, he would beat you in two rounds. What did we go to the distance? Maybe you never know No, they don't It's probably like a 10-8 right? I mean it might be that I'm like, do you know? I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know.
Starting point is 00:24:45 I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know.
Starting point is 00:24:51 I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know.
Starting point is 00:24:58 I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know. I'm gonna know do zoom that's weird and I'm over it zoom is I look at zoom
Starting point is 00:25:06 For certain things was great. I went to meetings in zoom. That was awesome shit We did the fucking bonfire for a year and a half on I mean listen We did ykwd zoom and it was pretty Convenient I mean just go into the shed and do the shit and then go, I'm home. Yeah. You know, driving able to take a dump at home during a long commercial break during the bonfire was pretty awesome. I used to smoke cigars. Oh, it was great.
Starting point is 00:25:31 You look so good on that camera. That camera was the best camera out of corn. I was the king of zool. You were, you were just, it was dreamy. It was, it was, it was, well, it's still it. And then it would kind of get wonky sometimes. And then that's when I had a fall from grace for a minute Yeah, because I unplugged the camera and my buddy Seth
Starting point is 00:25:50 We went back to basics we had to go back to basics and we found it again now or we're just beautiful But we're gonna actually change this whole studio Seth and Adorama who had a rendezvous and no Adorama, which is the the other camera electronic lighting store. You have B&H, but they have Adorama. A lot of people don't know about, which I think is a little better. Okay. B&H does Max work there?
Starting point is 00:26:18 No. No. But the folks at home, it's a Jewish. Bobby driving back up, Bobby driving home. I'm like fucking Punch in the wheel, but I honestly I do think so does change the most because he is not Funny anymore. Wow. I think he changed Wow I mean wow I mean, wow That is the most accurate thing I've ever had.
Starting point is 00:26:45 What? Fuck both of you, dude. Let's get out of here. Don't touch me. Oh, what? Oh, everything's fell apart. Oh, she's even, yes, and you. Oh, fucking burn this place to the ground.
Starting point is 00:26:54 I know where the bodies are buried. Lewis and I are starting a new podcast called, You Know What? Real Friend. It's long. It's a little work. You know what, Dougie? Wow.
Starting point is 00:27:04 You know what? Real Friend. I bet against Lewis, too. That, but it'll work. You know what, Ducky? Wow, you know what? Real friend? I bet against Lewis too. I was saying that I was like, I bet against Lewis this time. Oh my God, what the, that made me fucking almost cry. I was like, real friend. Me and it was starting a new podcast. I was like, this is gonna be good.
Starting point is 00:27:17 And you know what, real. As I was saying it, I was like, you can go back on the tape and watch me bet $100 to you and $100 to you that Lewis is about to hit beat by Jason Ellis. And I'm not a good friend. When did they fight? Is there a date yet? Yes, Elyse Mania. Yeah, Elyse Mania.
Starting point is 00:27:30 I don't know when it is, but it's. Motion will find out. It's coming up though. Yeah. I mean, listen, I'm gonna tell you right now, I've never seen Lewis work this hard, lost all the weight, which held them back the last time. And he is punching faster, harder. And I don't think I think this guy
Starting point is 00:27:49 is taking him for granted. You can just sleep on him. I think he just, because Jason is really good, I just think he's taking him for granted. He's gonna go back in and train, probably well, good, you know, all that stuff. But I mean, Lewis has been training for a year. He is in it to win it for all the time.
Starting point is 00:28:08 Ellis had knee surgery. Oh, there's an injury involved. Yeah. You know what I mean? And Ellis, listen man, Ellis is older too, you know. That weighs in on shit. You guys are recommending nervous about my butt. Wow, I think, I think-
Starting point is 00:28:23 Getting all. If Lewis gets in, I don't think that Lewis is gonna take him out with punches, but Lewis will definitely take him to the ground and try to choke him out, and Lewis is fucking heavy. He's got wide hips too. He's that guy. You ever tried to fuck around with Lewis?
Starting point is 00:28:35 It's- Yeah, he's a movable. I was told Lewis, listen man, I'm gonna have to hit you with a shovel with this guitar to control. Yeah. If you lose your- Yeah, I think you said that to him several times on air. Yeah, I mean, I've never, when I said I'd fucking fight you, it was never fair.
Starting point is 00:28:48 It was always with a weapon, you know, like a, like a bat or a shovel. What if we give Gabby a weapon to fight him? Fight you. Fight me. Yeah, give her whatever she's got two weapons right here. Dude, you can give her whatever you want. I think Joe's got some sort of side deal cut. Have you seen the team pull up the Visiteo? I'm not fighting these double video. Don't ever call video that again.
Starting point is 00:29:07 I'm a deal. No, it's not capitol. So yes, so fresh WOP DOG is eating gloves and the guys slapping But you don't watch that you're saying I could say I could dunk because my dad used to lift me up It's like saying I could dunk because my dad used to lift me up For a long time I'm good. I'm fucking good. Yeah, you're good. I could go to memorizing one two one two three He calls it out. Yeah, I know I know works. I could go get a 10-year-old from the Bronx that would fucking light you up Dan's bad. I didn't hold his hand. Yes, I am. I'm gonna fool your old from Russian to choke you out Nobody's lived that long in the bros. Russian. I Stink that back. I said wasn't as bad as real friend. Yeah, I said Russian from Russian like we all stunk at the same time
Starting point is 00:29:52 Yeah, we all do stink like my mother's box. Whoa Box I don't know I was Joe just possessed me I did a Joe joke inside of my voice. So can we see three different videos? Can we see Lewis hit in the pads? Can we see Jason L. Sit in the pads? Can we see the fucking the blonde bomb shell? Stretch you on. Stretch aren't strong. I have video of me hitting pads. Stretch arm week. Yeah, I have video on my Instagram. You have to go back around fucking eight years. Yeah. But I used to go to boxing down the street.
Starting point is 00:30:26 Yeah, with Keith and Will. And Will and Amy Rachel. Back in the 90s. 2003. It was the odds. Were the towers still up? That's a good question. They just fallen.
Starting point is 00:30:39 Oh, that's a few years. Did you guys miss stretch arm week? Because I really thought it was pretty good. It was all right. It was all right. It was all right. I just wanted to have you missed it. No, we got it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:30:49 No, totally processed it. Yeah, we processed it. I heard it. Stretch arm week. Yeah, we got it. Yeah. All right, I just wanted to make sure. Yeah, it's too much.
Starting point is 00:30:57 It was too good. Well, he called her stretch arm strong and I corrected with stretch arm week. Yeah, right. And if this was a friar's dinner, like W E A K. Everybody watching live right now is losing the ball. Yes, right. And if this was a fryer's dinner, woo, like W-E-A-Kid. Everybody watching live right now is losing the balls. Not seven days, stretch arm week. I bet somebody dropped a phone or a little lap in his house.
Starting point is 00:31:13 I bet a guy just spit clapping. You have a computer. All right. Um. I, I, I, I, I, mush, can we bring those up? Those three videos. I know.
Starting point is 00:31:22 Who's on the twos and ones today my fucking sister's asshole We looked over there's just a squatting down on the Can you do that let me talk to him for a second. I was that? Uh-huh. Are you on mic? Thank you for the You know when you're shitting and someone tries to come into the stall and you're like, this is a rock cut. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I keep that one. Fight journal.
Starting point is 00:31:51 I got to do it a fight journal. Wait, this was cool. He was in a Ruka gym. All right, let's watch this first. Lewis looks like a black and Mexican fighter put together. Doesn't he look like a... He looks old here. He's in a rocking chair. He looks like a jowl. He looks like a sketch where the guy didn't really get to see his face of the criminal.
Starting point is 00:32:08 This video is not a good sell on Lewis because he falls behind in running and then he gets knocked out. I watched this one. This is good because you can see a real fighter hitting him which is Michael Bisbeak. This was hilarious. They started making these videos funny. Oh, they are funny. I like this whole thing.
Starting point is 00:32:22 But they weren't funny for a while. It's Michael Bisbeak, but he's fucking rock it. I'm gonna change my bet You Michael Bissming rules. I fuck he is so sick. He's got one eye him again Him and Lewis's podcast is great too, but they he tunes up all right corporate Dan We also just want to say Jesus subscribe to gas digital Yeah, he did lose a lot of weight. He lost a lot of weight. Yeah, but look at bisming that's god bisming's hot Bisming look at this look at Lewis look how he's a little bit slower than fucking watch watch your fast bisming boom boom I got the round. Yeah, maybe not maybe I'm wrong because he just drops his hands when he gets oh
Starting point is 00:33:05 Oh that kick oh here comes Man if if Michael is being just oh Thanks it He's 70% he didn't want to take that Oh Stop stop stop stop stop. No offense here. He's asked. Oh, yeah, Oh, dude, what the fuck hold on my mouth. He's weird. Oh, boy. There we go. He made business knowing we get the hit. I mean,
Starting point is 00:33:35 it's just one of the ruins to go for it. Who's the guy in the back? Fucking. Oh, jeez. The guy in the back doing some ballerina shit. This does make me want to change my bag. My balls are big, my balls are big, my balls are big. I think maybe or this is put out. That looks like Lewis in the background, like Lewis of the future. Right, Lewis Skinny.
Starting point is 00:33:55 Can I ask you guys a question? It maybe this video is put out by the Lewis camp to draw the bets to the Jason Ells. Really? To make the odds better. Oh, this is a good idea. I don't know. Oh, he did not enjoy getting pushed River behind it looked like oh look at this look at this bang right right the body shot is what did it yeah, soft in the middle. Oh Dude, so now we have we have good intel. Yeah, this is I'm gonna go to Jason Ellison telling me soft in the middle
Starting point is 00:34:21 I actually I don't think you have to I just look at him It's like I know mate awesome Lewis is soft, but I'm not worried about Lewis. J. Gammie's in the middle Lewis is soft when he middles That was good. How's it going? Yeah We see Gabby next We're gonna Gabby or we're gonna know I want to do I want to talk about it. Oh, oh fuck I don't want to see Jason now. I realize I'm out a hundred bucks I'm just gonna Venmo soda 100 bucks. Yeah,. My mouth. Let's see him do but then I know you never know a puncture's chance You never know dude. I'm my
Starting point is 00:34:51 Share in a prayer my thing is on Instagram, but from I mean it had to be 2010 2011 are you all the way you should start posting again? Maybe not maybe not that I did I have a Superfight with you and his Alice right here look at this. He's gonna make it big You're gonna make it big It's gonna make me big and that's a woman. I think it's his wife. He's trying to make the joke is I got new workout with Underwear wolf I call it the domestic violence Domestic violence This wife's name's underweigh.
Starting point is 00:35:25 It's okay, mush. Go ahead. You can play that mush. Here we go. Whoa. She's tired. He's fighting the girl. Please knock her right in the chin.
Starting point is 00:35:35 This wife does. She knows all his weaknesses. She's fast. Look how fast she is. By the way, he moves though. I'm like, fuck. What's going on? Lewis is done.
Starting point is 00:35:41 Yeah, Lewis is done. Do you know Joe Rogan told Dave Smith before they recorded a podcast that was shouldn't do this. Yeah, look at look at him. Look how fast this had movement is. Look at oh, oh, oh, yeah. Look at that.
Starting point is 00:35:54 Throw a punch. Come on. Yeah, this is a bad example. Yeah, this is a bad example. Can you get one of him fighting? Oh, she caught him there. Yeah. I mean, he got serious.
Starting point is 00:36:02 He's getting a hard on in this video. Can we? The fuck are you doing? Can we change this? Get one with him actually fighting this is scary I think Lewis should not a woman not a woman not a woman Man, is he throwing punches? All right. No, he's a former professional skateboard And fighter. Yeah There you go. What is this? Gets here we go. Oh, this is him with no gloves. I just him. This is him just fighting a guy. He's just showing head movement, which I like.
Starting point is 00:36:32 I like. I like the guy I bet on. It has his defense in mind. Yeah. As now get out of this. Get out of here. I'm going to dress up like Duke. Can we find it? Can we find him? Fight it? I say something. No touch. This is suit. All right. Every video on the internet, the down one, down, down, down. That's Gidget. Can we find it? I say something that will touch me. This is so. All right, every video on the internet, the down one, down, down, down, that's Jiu Jitsu. Don't do that. Right there.
Starting point is 00:36:51 What is this? Maybe this is him getting beat. Isn't there a YouTube fight of his? There's got to be a YouTube fight. It's long. Entry. Yeah, this is really, I mean, this is just killing. Oh, hey, she's dead air. Oh, this is killing the show.
Starting point is 00:37:09 All the fights. Oh, I got it. I got the old. Well, we get the point. Right. Well, he's scary looking. Yeah, he's got he's fast. He's light. He's fast. He's, uh, it's Australian. It's got exposed. Which is hot. They're in Jason Ellis's. Yeah, they're tough. They're tough. They're not that that's New Zealand is tough. No, they're present billions aren't tough. uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,, don't you worry, guys, I got this. Lewis. And there's like, stay away from me. Did you know I'm probably right now. It grabbed the glove, Lewis.
Starting point is 00:37:51 All right. All right. Now I'm going to put him down. Now does this mean I won the fight? Lewis is like, what happened? I fell asleep and I woke up and baby James was standing up. Ask me if I was all right. He animals you Lewis. He, you know, he does the crocodile bend you at the ball. That's what he's just gonna do. Lewis is like, I don't know what he's doing. Oh, this is a fight. This is a fight fight.
Starting point is 00:38:13 This is cool. This is cool. Your raya favor is a, you see fighting Lex Luger? No. That's that guy's a snap back on. Oh, that your raya favor is a UFC fighter. Yeah, he's fighting in jeans though in flip flops. Sure, the guy can still fight. He's taking the hang your up fuck. Oh, this is like silly. Yeah. Yeah, look at him throw punches. That's a real fighter. That your I have favor is a legitimate bad ass. Look at the movement. Look how fast he's moving though. Look at what? What? What? What? What? Yeah, he's not going to about my bet. I still feel good about that bad about my bet. Oh, geez. Oh shit. Oh god. Oh, No, no, no, this is what you're fighting commentary should be just their appearance. Oh stop. Oh, you're I
Starting point is 00:38:55 Stop it. Get out of there. Leave him. You know what? Look, he's gassed. He's gassed dude. This was all of us many attend I think we're all right, Joe. I think we're all right. He's gassed. I'm gonna call of us, Mania 10. I see you gassed. I think we're all right, Joe. I think we're all right. He's gassed. I'm gonna call him up. Jason, Stan Soderife, $200 on this. What are you doing road work? Look at the babes in the front row.
Starting point is 00:39:14 Is that Lewis? Look at that. Wow, it's got pasties on. Boom, boom, boom. By the way, this was at a previous, Ellis Mania where there's probably be. I mean, Chris, I mean, look me. Look, L.S. is, uh, he's, he's tough,
Starting point is 00:39:26 but I don't know that he look gas. Yeah, I'm no gas. Digital. We'll see. I wanted to say early on, I maybe I've said before, I've fucked two Australian
Starting point is 00:39:36 Abby, a fuck two Australian women in my life and they both requested that I come on their face. What is that true? Yeah. Two for two. 100% of a dead woman. We're gonna do this, mate. I'm gonna need you to finish. Requested that they come on their face. What is that true? Yeah two for two hundred percent of women
Starting point is 00:39:45 We do this mate. I need you to finish right up top I wouldn't mind if you just splatter me face you might give me a nice loose hang on the face Australian women love American medicine saying Just want jizz they want their their jizz on the face. They want loads right up. I ended at JFK and just made it American. Come on me. What I'm saying is Gabby, if you fucking outstrike, he probably will, you know, come on my face. I don't know. Does she have to come on his face?
Starting point is 00:40:15 Yeah, I think. Oh, I'll do that. It goes all right. Come on up. And go. That's what I want. Reverse Bukkaki. Just a bunch of chicks. Just a word on your face. Just really. Reverse Bukaki. Just a bunch of chicks.
Starting point is 00:40:25 Just a point of reward on your face. Just really pissing on your face. Reverse Bukaki is a porn. Of course. Bring it, of course. What is it? Wait a minute, stop. Lady squirting on a dude.
Starting point is 00:40:34 Yeah, that's every reverse Bukaki. That's the only one that I'll ever watch. I asked a question. When do reverse Bukaki be coming on a girl's face and then her taking it and throwing it back in your face? I'm into that too. Taking it like an eye you can. Why you can finish him? Get it.
Starting point is 00:40:48 Or she just gravitated all the cum like, like, Jean, who is the Phoenix dark Phoenix to bring it all together and throw it at you? I wanna see reverse Bukaki. Oh, Bukaki was shit. No, Bukaki, Bukaki is, I'll read it right now. A regular Bukaki is when a group of guys come on one
Starting point is 00:41:07 female Oh, it's the Bokakki siren Yeah, a reverse Bokak a reverse A reverse Bokakki is when a group of females squirt on one male his face. Whoo Why the word why is that like that? I though they wrote it weird because somebody probably, some idiot, some fat guy along I want to wrote that. I would love to be the guy and it would refer to the tagging. I would suck up all the female juices.
Starting point is 00:41:35 That's me. That's the guy who wrote it. Joe comes in with a little drinking straw. Oh, girls. It's fun. You like your eyes burn. You go like, ah, and then, and then like fucking open your eyes You fucking bring up a clip. I want to see the kids show it on that are you?
Starting point is 00:41:49 Oh, are we on a watch? I'm sorry. Are we on a terrestrial radio? Hang on one second. Why can't we watch it much? Well the people will get our reactions you guys Yeah, let's just show just now listen to reverse bukaki so she pees on them or comes. It's worth but that's a little bit. But squirt is P all the way. Yeah, that's right. There's no. He's squirt always just P. I thought it wasn't absolutely. This is an age old debate. It's P. This is like Israel. It's palatable. It's a religious part in the blood. But it's squirt P. It's pee. There has to be a test. But do they go on them going? They hold their peaking with fuck boy right here
Starting point is 00:42:30 Yes, I close yeah, we're just gonna put his head between a couch cushion and you sit on that couch and he's gonna Make you come and let us know even if it's not like forget the squirting just wet pussy just all of my face You just want a mushy hot Okay, yeah, yeah, just just steam and lie wet pussy just all of my face. You just want a mushy hop. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, just just steaming. Right. Ugh. Just steam.
Starting point is 00:42:50 Fuck. Damn. No pussy should have steam come off. I hope, I hope joke it. I hope Joe makes so much money that like when he's 65, all these like weird things come out where they go. We just have to do this thing where he lay it on a mattress and we all came in and he made sure we ran. Yeah. He jogged three miles or a pussy's were high.
Starting point is 00:43:07 Then we had to run into a walk in freezer so a pussy's with steam. They only like steaming pussy. I send us home. You'd pick us up in a lavish town car. If our pussy's didn't steam, we'd walk on it. And it cuts to me and I'm like, yeah, that's what I want. What do you want? Well, you like a wet, wet, that's what I want. What do you want? Well, you like a wet, wet, wet pussy. Do you like to do like the slap on it? We like like on the outside, we can hear it like, no, no, I'm not a weirdo.
Starting point is 00:43:34 I'm gonna drum, I wanna lay down and then just the wettest, nastiest pussy, like seals hermetically, whatever that word is, medically, seals like on your feet, you can barely breathe, and then you just beat it. How do you want to lay down? Do you want a lady to lower herself down on bars?
Starting point is 00:43:49 And then she's like, we're almost there. Like it's like, no, they fuel jets in the air. It's like, shh, locked in. It's just your, her pulse on your face. I had a, a Dame once who would put her pussy on my mouth. My mouth, that you would hold my nose. It's the shit, it's the, it's the choke on it. And then she would let my, open my nose. Everyone's smiling, Bob mom, that you would hold my nose. It's to say choke on it. And then she would let my open my nose.
Starting point is 00:44:05 Or once my mom, I know you're, I know you're getting a little chub underneath the table. Well, I mean, listen, I'm not into slimy wet ghost pussies. What? Happy Pride week. Hey, why don't you bring that snail trail over here and get it on the face? I mean, I like a wet vagina, but I like breaking the seal.
Starting point is 00:44:26 I like that dry, dry wet. When you open it, when you open the fruit. Yeah, I don't like it when it's too wet because then it's just mushy. It's the closest you get from a bite of a good dish is when you break the cereal. Yeah, right? Like a burrito and and then it went through
Starting point is 00:44:45 with some messing like abs done. I'm even planning it. I don't like it when it was fucking a nice roll. But I get it, Jets. Joe likes the open burrito right on his face. I want my mustache to be all wet and just stinks. I got like a pussy hit. One of my favorite all-weeked smells.
Starting point is 00:45:01 What are my favorite moments as a way? You know how shower? No. Are you gonna let it crust up? Yeah! I can't post away. You know shower. No, you let it crust. Yeah Cross you can have a little nuggets of stuff. You don't know what it is The end of the shining when he's frozen I remember when I was a waiter one of the funniest things that ever happened It was my buddy Nick who's from Staten Island and he's like real
Starting point is 00:45:21 These real stat island like y'all bro and we're working a lunch and it was, it was dead. There was like one table inside that he had and there's tables outside. We're standing in the door to go outside and he's like, bro, I'm telling you, when I get my dick sucked, I like the girl to fucking swab her on it. I like it.
Starting point is 00:45:38 He's like, I like a bulldog. I want a shirt to look like she just ate a rack of rags. I like it. And he says that and then you just hear his table go, sir. And he's like, uh, she just ate a rack of ribs. I like it. And he says that, and then you just hear his table go, sir. And he just heard a whole conversation. His business lady having a salad was like, I'm ready for my chat.
Starting point is 00:45:52 Mixers at the door like, bro, I wanted a fucking goblet, my goo. I do. Let me tell you something. When I get a blowjob, I like her to- That's Joe after getting his face. I like her to choke on it. Oh, I like it.
Starting point is 00:46:04 I like the choke, and I like the slop. I like the slop and spin. You like the choke? I like it. I like the choke and I like the slop. I like the slop and spin. You like the choke? I like it. I like the choke. I like the, I like the, and then the wet and then I like, I like the wetness, like a slime bridge.
Starting point is 00:46:16 Yeah. Oh, dude, I want that, I want that same Bernard blow, dude. Yeah. Yeah, like, like, what was that move with Tom Hanks? Turner and Hooch. Turner and Hooch. Turner and Hooch. I don't know Hooch.
Starting point is 00:46:27 Turner and Hooch. Yeah. Turner and Hooch. You're Turner and Hooch. Yeah, you're Turner and Hooch. I want that Hooch face on your face. That's disgusting. No, yours is disgusting.
Starting point is 00:46:36 Yours is lame. I'm team Bobby on there. You're objective five women. The choke noise is where it gets weird for me. Choke is bad. No, we want to, like, she's pretending. You guys know how it was made. You guys know good trumpet players.
Starting point is 00:46:49 Yeah, spit guard. That's what it's like. You gotta have a lot of spit. Yeah. A read. Yeah. Yeah, I want that wet wet. Yeah, the gal on the right.
Starting point is 00:46:59 His pat Dixon. Good. Dude, a wet blowjob is the best. It's the best. Well, it's got to be somewhat wet. You can't have a dry blowjob. Sure, there's a comedian. Is there the dentist?
Starting point is 00:47:11 The dentist. Oh, they're stuck in your deck. Oh, ow. Ow, ow, ow. This is dry blowjob. This is dry blowjob. I've gotten blowjob some girls who want like meds. And they can't get enough spit up.
Starting point is 00:47:23 The best is when the girl does the quarterback finger lick. There, you can take a snap. They're shoulder pass down before. She's like, what do we have, third and sixth? Finish her my mouth. Ah. She's like, is that John Candy over there? Ah.
Starting point is 00:47:40 Ah. Superb of all my friends. Oh, hey. Hey, hey. It's Bob, you all right? I'm sorry. You're coughing into open air. I know. You're like the first person to be non-COVID sick. Oh, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super, last week I've been a little sick. You might have got me full and glanced. I don't have that. What are you guys? I'm full and chipped out. And I got, I ain't got to check for COVID. You get to check for COVID like five seconds.
Starting point is 00:48:08 Yeah, it's so funny now. Oh, it's crazy. I was up in, I was doing shows in Fairfield and billions was like, hey, we fucked up. We needed to get you tested today. And I was like, I'm gone. And they just texted me back to like, go to the CVS in Fairfield.
Starting point is 00:48:20 And I was like, well, I have to wait there for an hour or whatever. And I pull up. There's just a parking spot. The lady came out, gave me a swab and I just did it myself. And she's like, all right, thanks. And I was like, well, I have to wait there for an hour or whatever. And I pull up. There's just a parking spot. The lady came out, gave me a swab and I just did it myself. And she's like, all right, thanks. And I was like, that was pretty good. Yeah, five minutes later. They know almost a medium.
Starting point is 00:48:32 Yeah, I got the email by the time I checked in at the hotel. Yeah, I went to the city MD and by my house. It took under a fucking three minutes. Yeah, it's usually good. Yeah, Dr. came in. I was like, all right, great. He goes, everybody's getting colds now because we had mass on. We didn't see each other. Yeah. And we, we didn't touch each other for like a year and a half. Now people are around
Starting point is 00:48:51 each other. So people are going to get started getting that bullshit again. The colds and the flu and all that. Right. Are you returning this? I mean, it feels like you forget that we wore a mask. How fast it is easy to get back into stuff like this where we're just doing the show. I think I'm still going to wear a mask on a plane. Really? Well, they make you right now. Yeah. Right now they make you, but I might do that
Starting point is 00:49:10 because I've always seen that, you know, Chinese lady with a mask. Yeah. And I was like, wow, I wish I had, I wish I had the confidence to do that just to wear a mask, you know, cause it look cool just to wear a mask like I'm better than you.
Starting point is 00:49:23 Yeah, don't get me sick. Yeah, don't get me, yeah Yeah, exactly. You fucking dirt. I don't trust any of you. Yeah, dirty. I started. I started on the plane though a little too far because people always take it too far. A mask, a shield on top of a helmet. Stop. You know, fucking helmet on the right here on the right here saw a lady walking her dog mask and shield outside still. Like that's the. Come on. Don't you think by, but can I say something?
Starting point is 00:49:50 She's not gonna get a cold. Sure. She's gonna get the flu. She's not gonna get sick. But then you need to get sick. Yeah, you're supposed to be okay. Sick, everyone's fine. That's how you build antibody.
Starting point is 00:49:58 It's good. Yeah, I mean, I guess I'm with you. The circle. Now, let's get to that reverse bucucky. Reverse bucac. Let's compete. What if we did this reverse? Is that Lewis? Oh look at a little dog dish. He's like, all right, get in my mouth, doggy. All right first. Oh, he's gonna drink it out of a dish That's not cool. That's discussed. That's horrible. Yeah, that's like that's not what I'm into. Yeah, that's like forcing for like berries and shit I like any situation with a lot of women and one guy That's what I like. There's also clothes naked. What's that one? Oh, the guy is naked in the lady
Starting point is 00:50:30 They're all closed being like you little bitch. You fucking what is that? You like shame won't stop wait a minute. What? No, well, that's that's it's called clothes This is what type of men we are and what a fucking is we want our dick sucked He wants to just be pissed on and shamed. Well, I like my dick sucked too. I'm not an asshole. This is like more like a dab. You like a dab?
Starting point is 00:50:49 I blow job. No, I don't like dry. So I don't like dry. I just don't want to choke. I would prefer to get sucked off by a lady with a lateral list. Yeah. Yeah. I'll think of box.
Starting point is 00:51:00 I'll think of box. I love a block of wet with fucking with some tobacco. Oh, you like this? You go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, when I hit the snooze, it's things. The sneakers alone are a turn off. The hat, the sneakers. By the way, everyone says Abby's not funny, but she's got a couple of good ones today. Yeah, I mean, everybody does say that, but today literally everybody says that, but today she said literally people that right now like boo. I've seen it in writing.
Starting point is 00:51:25 I've read it. Yeah, I started out the views. I didn't see it writing. I don't want to be too mean to get that. I was you looked at me with apology eyes. I was like, you're like, sorry. Listen, I liked it and I wouldn't have given you the bomb. Yeah, well, you know, you just go around.
Starting point is 00:51:40 You're going to float around. You're getting it soon too. Fucking I doubt it. Dry blow. I doubt it. Um, all right, let's put the buccaccio. You're getting it soon too, fucking. I doubt it. Dry blood, man. I doubt it. All right, let's put the buccaccio. Let's watch. But not the one drinking out of a dog bowl.
Starting point is 00:51:49 We got a new one. We're allowed. Even though it's a bang. All right, can we do those bad fake tits? They're like, we're on our shoulders. Her chest looks like Scott Steiner. Oh, weird. So, what's up, or what?
Starting point is 00:52:00 Scott Steiner. What the fuck, they're in her arms? Fucking crazy, the debit. Dude, if you get fake tits like like that you have to go back to the doctor And go like what are you doing? Yeah, it's like dr. Nick Rivera from the Simpson's not that bad though. Look at the Really far apart and hi, there we go. What's I like this? I like this a bunch of broad You know, it's funny is I would absolutely say situation get frustrated by that girl moving up and down I'd be like, hey, can you stop stop doing that I'm trying to find her oh, God
Starting point is 00:52:32 Dude he's got a little fucking grease. Oh, he's gonna soup all that's this Shut the ball off. They're laughing Oh Shut the ball up. They're laughing. They're All their hair looks so nice. Oh god. They really have prom hair Poor girls all have their hair like they're going to a high she playing a fucking van hairline They look like the mob wives and good fellas. He spends a life in a night gown. Now take my squirt. Oh my god. Oh, why the bull. I'm like, I'm like, Luder, potbelly. I'm in the bear. I've been reverse bucaccia. He's the same stomach as Jell.
Starting point is 00:53:18 Yeah. I would kill for that stomach. And their faces are gross. This is a bad one. Give me like an amateur. Oh, she got Elvis face on right now. I mean, what you want? You want an angelic girl with a self-esteem who's gonna do this? No, I want not wigs or fake tits and a bowl. They're all wearing wigs. That's the only girls that will do that. I have that. What's that? Yeah, what's mush?
Starting point is 00:53:39 No, this bet is better. I call it porn, it is apparently. Yeah, it's better. Mush, what do you want? What do you want? I don't know. Diverse Bokakie. Just not this one. How about you? We're very close. Moosh, what do you want? What do you want? I don't know, reverse bucochi, just not this one. How about you? This is called, why don't we do another one of Jo's kinks?
Starting point is 00:53:49 Do the fully close women naked men? Yeah, look at this one's good. All right. What is that wind up? It's called CFNM. Yeah, and that's where a big cox is gonna come in. It's just so like, that King Kong cox. I can't, Kong cox.
Starting point is 00:54:03 Wait, what does that mean CFN? What is up with that stress ball? Oh, dude, this is great. This is it. Can't conquer. I can't conquer. Wait, what does that mean? CFN. What is up with that stress? Oh, dude, this is great. This is it. Here we go. That's what I'm talking about. Right? Well, this is gonna make me eat his own.
Starting point is 00:54:12 I'm not. Joe, what the hell is this party? Dude, I love going down this one. Oh my God, Joe. Oh my God. What is that thing going in the bum bum like that? Here we go. See this?
Starting point is 00:54:21 This is what I like. A group of, a sexual harassment class. Yeah. Let me tell you right now they already look European Look America Could we get a little bit of volume and we won't talk and then you can edit it out There's nothing worse than an English accent during a porn. Yeah, let's see what there's Much of a stucas. Yeah, yeah. I was underwear. Stinks too. Yeah, good. Yeah, I don't like the laughing. I don't like that shit. Don't be laughing. Kelly put in your mouth. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I got coming in his if I found out if I found out my daughter was in doing this kind of porn. I'd give her a knuckle pounds
Starting point is 00:55:26 Sick all right princess way to prove my guy. Okay. What's uh? Oh the cheer what are we doing? I can't watch this My questions so long I just want to go jerk off real quick right now. Well apparently you got a yellow Joe before he does What's the what's the what's about the cops the one with the cops looks good where that day. Yeah, that's that's the stuff Buddy What is that what is this? It looks like Gabby's lips Oh, come on. Also, what's up with the martini shaker up top?
Starting point is 00:56:08 That's for your pocket pussy. I want that little thing. I want them to sponsor this. Well, guess what? You know what, dude? Yankee swap. Might have to have a fake mouth. Let's do a Christmas in July.
Starting point is 00:56:20 Just a big change. Let's do a sexy Christmas in July. I hate that. It looks like claymation. Can we do a hot Christmas in July? I like that. Let's do a sexy Christmas in. I hate that. It looks like claymation. Can we do a hot Christmas in joy like that? Let's do a hot Christmas episode. Get some real sex toys going. What you know what porn I do like?
Starting point is 00:56:33 What? There's a there's a point out there. I think he's back. He never left. Yeah, I like steamer and porn. Really? No. He's going with the gay thing.
Starting point is 00:56:44 Oh, I was like, I was like, I was like, I'm listening. Oh, yeah, I was like, so mean. The, I'm the, Steve the elevator bit. Go. No, there's a girl in the train surrounded by guys. I'm the train. And they start like grabbing her butt
Starting point is 00:56:59 and she pushes the hands away and then the rate, you like rape? Oh, no, but then I don't like it. It's not a rape. She's kind of into it. She gets into it. Does she keep saying no? No, she didn't say no ever.
Starting point is 00:57:10 Okay. Well, you got to lead with that. Dan, you got to hold your cards a little closer. Everyone can see them. Yeah, I go. So technically I rubbed my penis against the woman on the train. That's not right.
Starting point is 00:57:21 So if we use this week, if she turns around and puts it in her mouth. Yeah. We still haven't seen Gabby's box. Gabby, Bob. Sorry. There's a slip of the tongue. I expected it to be you like.
Starting point is 00:57:34 You gotta talk and then Mike, Moch, we can't hear you. Cause we have headphones on. It's not on social media. Where is it? I texted it to him. I will text it to him again. What are you, fucking guests? You're working on the him. I will text it to him again. What are you? Fucking guests. You're working on the show, Gabby.
Starting point is 00:57:46 She is. Coffee's lovely. Yeah, you're really fucking making it so comfortable. She's not even doing those. She goes, I don't know, figure it out yourself. I don't really. What do I do anymore? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:57:55 There's eight interactions. Exactly. You're the talent now. You graduated. So she's not talent. Sure. I feel like I'm half wet. Please.
Starting point is 00:58:03 Are you not even? Yeah, you're tall. You're tall. Yeah, she's not even too, listen. Hahaha. Um, I like, I like, I want to know about you a porn that you with the suits, what is that all about? Suites, right? No, he likes the fully dressed women. What's up with your name?
Starting point is 00:58:15 We just had, it's CFNM. CFNM, so the women are fully dressed and they make the guy naked. Yeah, yeah, and then they find it. And they make the guy naked. Yeah, they step on his balls a little. That's where you're losing, man. No, I'm just kidding.
Starting point is 00:58:28 I don't like the paint, but it is hot. Anything a bunch of women and me, that's like hot. That's pretty cool. I did a show the other day at the stand. It was like 48 women and me, and it was just like, yeah, you fucking. You guys want me to take my pants off and fucking punch my nuts, and they're like, what?
Starting point is 00:58:41 I don't like the bunch of nuts. One time, I'd probably tell the story before, I was in Montreal in like, you know, 2001 or something. And we all went and we got a double dildo show and we played for it in a private room and these two of them were fucking, and then the woman was like, what's this? She's French, Canadian, I can't do the accent.
Starting point is 00:58:55 Maybe you can do it for me. She said, what's your name? Yeah. You do that in French. Why did you own name? And I said, I said, Joe, and then she started going, oh, Joe, you got small dick, little tiny little tiny dick and I was like what the fuck is I was pissed
Starting point is 00:59:08 Yeah, she was like shit better like I paid you like this is my thing as someone that's seen your penis She couldn't be farther from the truth. Thank you buddy. I asked a question Sure. How much is something like that cost? I think back then it was like I don't know 200 bucks. It was like there was like six of us It was like 40 bucks each so she came in and did do that to her and another woman were like fucking shit. It was the worst money we've spent Yeah, do they like embarrassing? Do they work through it like an old Vodville team? Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to lay down. You're going to put it in my pussy Yeah, fuck your pussy with it
Starting point is 00:59:40 And then I'm gonna do my small dick a little routine Whatever guy I pick They were like matcha man and Ricky the dragon it was really planned out and beautiful We're fucking Call out the tiny dick guy. That's gonna make me wetter. Slipin' in slide in, yeah. Slipin' in slide and truly right in, yeah. Don't you think, what do you think is a bigger mistake?
Starting point is 01:00:14 This is our serious top. This is a bigger fucking. I can't, I can't. What's a bigger fuck up? SNL firing Shane or not hiring Dan? Both. Firing Shane. But listen to me, the fact that they didn't pick Shane up
Starting point is 01:00:26 They fired him and they didn't pick him up is mind-boggling the fact that this kid is not on us and now is like make craziest shit I've ever heard in my life now imagine if Dan had been on for many years You're the guy and then Shane comes in. It's like Pippin coming in well Shane was my friend is my friend too So we would have known each other. Shane is, let me tell you something. When I first saw Shane in his big head, and it looks like he's just a shy of a chromosome.
Starting point is 01:00:52 He's, I mean, he's just, yeah, for sure. Now I watch his skits, dude. He's such a funny comedic actor. He's so good. That's what I mean, where they made the mistake, because I think Lauren knew that when he hired him, like he was like, I've got a secret weapon.
Starting point is 01:01:07 Honey's not liberal. Yeah, everyone is like, No, no! No! And now he's just fucking, no, they're just calling everybody. They assassinated him. They put, but they put.
Starting point is 01:01:18 He's so good. John McEver and Shane are putting out sketches that are making anyone else trying to do sketches look stupid. Can I, you're have fucking, listen, I love other people doing sketches. Miss Amyar. It's great, but if I'm way there doing it and they're filming it,
Starting point is 01:01:32 and it's beautifully shot, it's also John McKevers fucking hilarious. He's one of those guys that quit doing standup that you're like a lot of other comics I know are very lucky that John McKevers doesn't do standup. Cause he wouldn't take a lot of weekends for people. He, I mean, those skits that they're doing right now, I mean, I watch them over and over again. And awe, like this is so good.
Starting point is 01:01:53 But yeah, that's great, Shane's great. But I wanted to talk about Dan. How special is Dan? Dan, what a fuck up. Well, look, not you, them. I think the business did pick up Dan. I mean, you're a fuck up also, but they did pick up Dan. He's fine.
Starting point is 01:02:04 I'm fine. Yeah, he's not, but he's not as big as we would. No, but I'm not talking about Dan's. I mean, you're a fuck up also. But they did pick up, yeah. He's fine. I'm fine. Yeah, he's not, but he's not as big as we would. No, but I'm not talking about Dan's career. Obviously, Dan's fine. I'm not sad about your career. I'm sad for SNL. They could have had this town.
Starting point is 01:02:13 The thing that upset me was that they immediately took something from my audition and tried to use it on air and it didn't work. And I was like, what? Really? Yeah, I did a, one of my audition things was, I think I told you this, I did Jason Statham's edible arrangements. That was like the thing that I was like, I finally mixed more two favorite
Starting point is 01:02:30 things, butty and fruit and celebration coming up in your family. Get it? Jason Statham's edible arrangements. And it was just like a dumb thing and then they did, they changed it, they punched it up, but they tried to do it with Chris Pratt and it was Jason Statham's stacom's. Wow. And it was like, it got cut and rehearsal. And then I did my Winnie the Pooh addicted to honey and then they tried doing it with Peter Dinklage and it didn't work. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:02:57 That was the second year. Well, you saw it caught me. And they had a contract that's basically like, hey, what I'm showing you guys, if you guys like, you're basically being like, please take this damn Gabby. All right, we can show Gabby. I want to also hear the oney the poo addicted to honey. It was just like, do you have a woken up in a truck stop and nothing but a red shirt? And realize that you would do anything for another part of honey.
Starting point is 01:03:20 I can make you feel so good. I can make you feel so good with my can make you feel so good with my mouth. Obviously it was, yeah. Not right for NBC. I take back what I said. Yeah, I'm sorry. It was a good, good no hire. Yeah, it was a good no hire.
Starting point is 01:03:34 I also my, the year I got the closest, I didn't, I didn't think I had the best auditions. I was, for some reason, my agent who I loved, but she kind of, she was like, do characters, just do characters and voices. And I was like, yeah, but everyone else that's a comics doing stand up. Why can't I just do the thing I do? And she was like, no, do characters.
Starting point is 01:03:54 And it was like, I was going to get some people from UCB and ground links and shit that no characters. And I was kind of half in it like, ah, ah, I just wish I would have done stand up. If you did stand up too, and then they found out you had these great characters, it would have been more. Now they're not gonna see your standup
Starting point is 01:04:09 and how funny you were. It's weird how he can find things though. Like he took Pete, Pete doesn't do characters. Yeah, he did his standup, and that's like, we're the same agent. I'm like, why am I not doing standup? She's like, Pete's gonna do,
Starting point is 01:04:21 you got care, you'll do care. Was that the same ER? You put audition the same. He also was a better story. He was 19, he was cool, his dad died in 9-11. I was like a 33 year old white dude. They don't want that. Why?
Starting point is 01:04:33 You're dead. You're dead, right? Yeah, but Lauren likes cool. Lauren likes stories. Lauren's dead died. Yeah, but not in a Lauren Michaels story. Not a heroic. Lauren's like, how did he die?
Starting point is 01:04:43 Sarosus, I can't do anything. Yeah That's not sorry. It's not funny enough. Peach dad had a building fault. What is he doctor evil? Yeah, actually is that's doctor evil is based on more Michael's is that true? Yeah, it's 100% try to know that I can't Praise me young the craziest shit was that Jesus Christ Austin powers Mike Myers rule like it fucked me up. I can't watch the movie anymore Yeah, cuz it fucks me up thinking that Colin Quinn should have been Scott evil. Yeah, yeah, that's that would have been so much fun here I love Seth Green
Starting point is 01:05:11 But Colin is the the 30 year old son that's like I'll go get the gun. I'll come down We'll shoot him both would be a father's son. They would have been great. Oh my yeah, they would have been great But yeah, I think that Colin just said no, I got that here. I'm working on my own thing Was he doing Celtic? No, he said I got my own thing and I don't think it ever went anywhere. And then he also that was cocky Colin. He rewrote crocodile. Yeah, that's right.
Starting point is 01:05:34 And gave it to the direct. Yeah, the best today. Hey, I wrote a full script rewritten with my character in a prominent role. He was so funny. He had one line. Yeah. One line in the movie, Hand of the Guy of Script. But I also think like me not getting SNL was good because I got to do bonfire and a bunch of other shit,
Starting point is 01:05:52 but Shane not getting SNL, allowed him to do the Gilly and Keave sketches, which you don't know what they would have done with him at SNL. You don't know what it would have looked like. But I just think that somebody should, if somebody's out there watching, they should pick these guys up and start a network or, you know, like FX back in the day, took a risk on like
Starting point is 01:06:13 the shield and they started to get, they started to entertain asshole and showing guy ass on, on regular TV and started showing some sexy shit on TV and saying swears. They took a risk on these shows, like rescue me and these stuff. Always sunny, looies. Louie was a risk. Louie went in and was like, You know, sounds of Anarchy.
Starting point is 01:06:31 Yeah, they're all. And they were like, fuck it. We're just gonna go. I know everybody's doing this shit. We're gonna go this way and do this. It's why comedy central is dead. It's because they, the things they used to do in the late 90s with South Park
Starting point is 01:06:43 and putting John Stewart on the daily show, instead of create Killborn, and making other stuff like ugly Americans and random shit that they used to do that worked. They stopped doing because they're so, you wanna talk about corporate, they're like, Viacom and they're like, we can't, we gotta go, when they shut off the bonfire,
Starting point is 01:07:01 we found out that they're basically just like liquidating everything. They wanna be a studio now. They don't even really want to be a network. So you watch their network and it's all South Park and then occasionally a daily show. It's like, that's really all day or now. They're MTV. They're just doing what MTV did.
Starting point is 01:07:16 I just hope somebody, I wish somebody out there that would be like, you know what? Fuck it. Let me get Shane. Let me get these comics that are doing. There will be. It'll come back. I mean, imagine that. Imagine seeing that on TV like an HBO. Oh my god. Streaming service. Yeah. I mean and and and and be able to go watch that type of that type of caliber of comedy that style of comedy again on on TV at your house. But isn't
Starting point is 01:07:39 it fun that you can't you got to go to patreon and YouTube and podcasts. It's a rock and roll. We're punk rock. Yeah. But it's more it's more DIY now where people can go find the people they really like. And honestly, but they can't do. You can't there's only so many they can do. And it's it's I've been it's such a big undertaking for them personally to film it, finance it, cast it. When you have a company behind you that doubt you can just be talent right in sketches and they go and find all the shit you need,
Starting point is 01:08:09 you know that from working with bands. I mean, that's a huge machine, but yeah. It's a huge machine, but imagine having that huge machine behind Shane and that guy to skid. Well, they work with a production company, but they, you know, they're limited because they're doing it themselves. That's what I just said.
Starting point is 01:08:24 Yeah, but I'm saying like, the production company they could have, which you're right, if it was a major network, then it fills in all the gaps that you don't have to worry about. Yeah. Where the concentration is, but what you lose with that is censorship. Then, you don't have to censor things. No, you don't.
Starting point is 01:08:39 You don't. You really don't. And now it's a shit. Now a Twitter and social media. You know that on Comedy Central, you can say set a shit. And now it's a shit. And now a Twitter and social media. Do you know that comedy said you can say whatever you want? They choose not to say shit. Yeah, because it's sponsorships and shit. Yeah, it's a pain old rape.
Starting point is 01:08:51 You can. Oh, well, dude, I found this old, I found a YouTube channel called VHS tapes and it's all old comedy central from the early 90s. There was like Nick DePolo from 91. Right. It's fucking awesome. You see all the clips and you're like, holy shit.
Starting point is 01:09:07 You just say whatever you want. That's the whole thing about cable. They weren't network. Yeah. So that you could say what, that's why, rescue me or. But that's also a shield. That's why they got to do it.
Starting point is 01:09:17 They brought it up over the line that anybody went over. So everybody piled over there. Well, and also MTV, that was the reason it was so bad, because there's women in bathing suits. Yeah. Women dancing to rock and roll. Yeah, and HBO, HBO showed porn. Showtime still shows on the soft porn.
Starting point is 01:09:36 But they, but they try to act like they don't. That's what's what's going to be. I know. Try to be like, we can't. They just, it's just annoying, because you're like, is he really sticking his dick in there? You're going to try to, you see a sign a porn yeah girl writing him up ribcage yeah yeah cuz it's big that big oh yeah but he's squirting right on his
Starting point is 01:09:52 fucking chest I want to talk about two things we have to go to the extra YKWD for the patreon only in a few minutes I want to talk about in that I want to talk about John Stewart is best I want to talk about in that. I want to talk about John Stewart. He's the best. I want to talk about him because I feel like what he just did. And the fact that he's not doing that regularly is just crazy. What are you doing? We'll talk about it on the, the, the, the extra. Joe, where are you going to be this weekend? I'm off the road for a little while. I go to Maine for vacation. And then I go to Nantucket. I'm doing the Nantucket Festival.
Starting point is 01:10:25 But that's not true. You know there was a guy there, and you know what he used to do? No, what do you do? Suck it. Oh, because his dick was so big. Yeah. Well, August 6th and 7th,
Starting point is 01:10:34 I'll be at Fort Worth, Hyenas. And then... I just go Hyenas. I don't know, because I thought it was funny. Hyenas. And then September, I got a bunch of stuff.
Starting point is 01:10:46 I got Portland Helium, Philadelphia Helium, Mark Ridley's, and then laugh it up in December. And then Mark Ridley's in Detroit. In Detroit, yeah. And then I was there was fucking around 15 years ago, and maybe 20 years ago. Maybe longer. You did? You did. Maybe longer. It was so great, huh? No, I met a chick. She was a cop.
Starting point is 01:11:08 She was a gun and she held it to my chest while she rode me. Really? Yeah. Wait, really? She put a gun to your chest while she rode me? Yeah. Got a porn highlight.
Starting point is 01:11:17 No, she took the bullets out. Did you make her check the chamber? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, fuck yeah. All right. I made a snap it and catch it. Whoa. Topless. That's what I like, but I like like 12,
Starting point is 01:11:26 I like the whole force. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Joe wants the whole swap, piss it on. Yeah, you want to chip a tooth with a gun and a gun. That's right. Joe's our own fucker home. My friend, his dad was a CPA in Denver, and one of his clients, when he was doing her taxes,
Starting point is 01:11:40 she got divorced. She was like telling a story to her, her ex-husband was a Denver police officer And one time she walked in the room and he was just jerking off holding his gun Oh, and I was like oh wow so funny. That's one of my favorite stories because I was like 15 when I heard it We remember when he came and just shot the She shoots his kid in the room upstairs Where are you going to be? Uh, July 15th through the 17th, Addison Improv with mush.
Starting point is 01:12:07 Whoa. With the Addison Improv in business. Oh, I'm listening by a week. I know. Oh, wow. And then, uh, July 22nd through the 24th, I'll be at Holierides in Cleveland. And then August 12th through the 14th, I'll be at the Sacramento Punchline. How is that, I mean, that club, you know, the Addison Improv,
Starting point is 01:12:25 I mean, it was a fucking nightmare. Never done it. Back in the day, it was a fucking, I mean, screaming, yelling. Really? People were so drunk, they'd be making out of the table, and a guy threatened my life for a year after playing that club. What?
Starting point is 01:12:39 Yeah. Why? Because his girlfriend was literally poisoned, and I was like, get out of the fuck out of here, dude. She's passing out, and he was like, I'll fucking kill you. I was like yeah, whatever I'll fucking smash you with this stand go. Yeah, and I had to like kick people out and yeah It was a nightmare, did it might happen? Mushroom see no, but a lot of people are playing that club again. Yeah, Verzy just playing
Starting point is 01:12:59 It was great. Yeah, who did you work with Jay? You work as big Jay right? No, there I worked with you honest How was it? It was good. They had, they're picking over by the Houston and prop people. So they're way better now. It's way better. Yeah, the guy runs it's a good guy. Yeah. What's his name again? They're done it. So I'm excited. What is it again? What's his guy's name? They're Sean. And there's Sean. Sean, I like Sean. Sean. Sean. I go, uh, I'm going to be, uh, this weekend, I'm working in a new club in Vegas. The comedy works for which should be good.
Starting point is 01:13:28 I'm there with, what's his name? Does a podcast with, no, let me finish the fucking thing. The podcast. Can you, he is, Rex Stone is in Vegas. Stop. Kyle Dunnigan. All right. Oh wow.
Starting point is 01:13:46 No, Kurt, I'm doing it with Kurt. You're doing Kurt Mats? Me and Kurt working together. Oh fuck yeah, Kurt. Yeah, hilarious. He's hilarious, he's in front of me too. So that would be good to test my shit. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:56 I love Kurt. Good guy. Club 337, I'm working in Lafayette. Lafayette, Louise Eino. You're gonna fall down and see Bobbi Kelly. You're gonna put the laugh in Lafayette Lafayette Louise a la you're gonna fall on down and see Bobby Kelly You're gonna put the laugh in Lafayette and you never know there might be a gator fight out there Bobby might be going down for a gator fight your line not through the tent You want to come down here and fight a gator club 3 3 7 also known as the gator pit gonna be
Starting point is 01:14:22 Fussing in the dust We're gonna get the gated the gated fight. These are bad remember those. Oh my God. I'm beating I took from it. JFL just for laughs. We can't go up there, but we're gonna go to the stand on the 26th. I'm all over the fucking play poor.
Starting point is 01:14:37 Versailles down in Port Charlotte. That's gonna be a blast. I'm at the comedy connection punchline Philly August 26th to the 28th. I'm all of his Robert Kelly live dot com side splitters with mush. Um, in Tampa, I got a lot of dates filled in, which I'm very excited about. Please go to comic wearables.com. They have the Dan Soda shirt, the Robert Kelly, the Irish affair. Don't worry, Joe, it might be coming. My colleague, I want a calter one. They got a fuck dog Bell shirt. We only have a few left. If you want one, grab it and Kells Bells, call third Kelly, but they also have
Starting point is 01:15:14 the YKWD merch, which I love. And there is the YKWD hat. I want a cute little heap. Look at it. They may even sell you the work of the Omikas. That's okay. It's good, man. Give go my kitty. He was fun. Comicwearables.com. We have all the merch and at the shirts are fucking awesome. Colletern Kelly, YKWD, get yourself some stuff right there. And every shirt comes with a bunch of stickers for free. So there you go. What else we got? Moch Oh patreon.com listen, if you're watching this on YouTube, all you got to do, we're going to go to the extra we ain't stopping. We're going to go for a little longer. Patreon.com
Starting point is 01:15:54 says Robert Kelly go there, sign up every week, YKWD live, unedited, be in the chat room with all the ladybugs. And you get the extra footage, you can get Colleen Kelly on Friday, actually Tuesdays, Fridays, the only show in the JLP party on Saturday, which I go in and Colleen goes in, I go in every week and hang out with all the fans. So if you remember the Patreon, patreon.com slash rubber Kelly,
Starting point is 01:16:18 you become, you become, you get all that shit, a bunch of shit. And more shit coming, live from the Sheds coming back when we filmed some episodes very soon. And another show that I'm working on is going to be happening soon too. So patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. If you're a fan here, go become a fan here there. But make sure you subscribe, hit like and comment on the YouTube page. If you're watching this and you're enjoying it, make sure you do that and come to the live
Starting point is 01:16:44 shows to everybody on the show. Gabby, what do you got? Follow me on Instagram, act Gabby is Brian. I have a show at the stand-a-monthly show called Guess What It's Wednesday, soders on it, this Wednesday. And then Joe's going to do it next time. The next one is July 20th. I have a new show coming to Union Hall that I'll post on my Instagram. And I'm going to be be in Chicago July 29th through August 2nd. I'm opening for Julian McCullough and doing the law factor down there. Check out. Let's watch your punch real quick. Let's watch.
Starting point is 01:17:14 The Sotas never seen it. Tell me. You wouldn't tune up, Bobby. Right in the middle there down the bottom. Hit the punch button. Oh, Bobby. Yeah. You forgot me.
Starting point is 01:17:22 No, I'm gonna save you. Oh, I thought this was for the Patreon. No, no, this is not for the, I'm gonna save you. Oh, I thought this was for the Patreon. What, no, this is not for the Patreon, this is for regular. Yeah, let me direct the show, okay, you just follow me. I'll never forget you much. I'm saving you for last. God, if you forget I'm gonna be funny.
Starting point is 01:17:35 No, I never, much is always last, he does a lot of work. We always save him, because the last person they fucking hears him. I should be me, but I make it him. Okay. Damn, come on. All me, but I make it him. Damn, come on. All right, Gabby. Look at him slap, though.
Starting point is 01:17:49 He's slapping. No, he ain't slapping. You're slapping. You're slapping. Slap, slap, slap, slap. He's not slapping. Slap, he's hitting her. Slap, slap, slap.
Starting point is 01:17:59 That's all I'm gonna shit. Yeah, Bobby catches you once. I mean, it's sweet dream. Ooh, but. Oh, good for him. Oh, but oh Good for him. Oh, hey Dead you might as well What this is fucking a robin boy place Billy blanks. Yeah place Bruno Mars in the background. Why don't you tie bow it? Yeah Fucking dude. This is bullshit. This is what shit. You're just talking shit. Oh
Starting point is 01:18:23 Dead. Oh scared Oh, there's bullshit dude look at she's all gangly Good reach nice. Oh, oh, oh, yeah, she didn't see that coming This guy is playing with it to look at he's like yeah touch my belly bitch And I made this all bullshit to look at it. He's like, yeah, touch my belly, bitch. And I made this all bullshit. Not to. I just remembered that I have to get on some say go ride the subway. Yes, deep deep down that West 4th stop.
Starting point is 01:18:58 It was horrible. It's good. I just know I might be a little mask like everybody. I want you guys to please check out Mike V. Shwarez at everything. Polit right, Mike? Yes, sir. And you're going to be where Michael? I'll be with Dan next month and I'll be with Yannis and San Antonio at the end of August and with Rich at the Creek in the Cave in Austin next month on August as well. Rich laws.
Starting point is 01:19:14 Yes, sir. Yeah, it gives great head. I for sure. You guys, that is the end of YKWD on YouTube. Please go to patreon.com, Sash Robert Kelly right now. And listen to this, we're going over there right now with the boys and one girl. All right, we're gonna read the names right now.
Starting point is 01:19:32 So you know, cause these are the people who joined the paper. I want to thank them. I'm gonna read the fives, you guys read the 10 and do something whatever you want. Just try to say their names right? Do whatever you want. Daniel Grisker-Farkin. No, Daniel Grisker-Farkin. Do it Russian, do it. Daniel Grisker-Farkin. Daniel Grisogrifark. No, Daniel Grisogrifark.
Starting point is 01:19:45 Daniel Grisogrifark. Daniel Grisogrifark. Daniel Grisogrifark. Daniel Grisogrifark. Daniel Grisogrifark. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Say his thank you, Donald. Thank you. I think you're sick. What happened to you, too? Thank you. You fucking read out a steam. No, I don't know what you're, I gotta, I gotta conserve, baby. I gotta go out. You're the bonfire. Oh, shit. We're in the studio. I got a legion of skanks today. Hey, Joe. Yeah. Can you read that one and say thanks to the second one? Yeah. Hey, Georgie, thanks for giving us your mula. You fucking big dick motherfucker. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:12 Great. I thought we were only gonna do $10. All right, I'll do Dustin has. Thank you so much. David's spend the dove. Spend love. Spend love. Thank you so much.
Starting point is 01:20:22 Go ahead. Go ahead. Go, man. Daddy, go. Oh, Gabby. Myers mobile. Oh, Thank you so much. Go ahead. Go, man. Gabby go Gabby. Myers mobile. Thank you. Listen, if I fucking you've done this, I hate you. You've done it for fucking years, soda. I don't know how to say, but pay a shut the fuck up. No, because you're always fucking issues.
Starting point is 01:20:39 Why don't you deal with this with fucking Al, next time you go in. With your weird shit, you got me when I say, hey, you go, Dan. No, no, no, I want to give it to the other person I thought you're going around So you don't make up these rules and you would produce some randomly. I run out. You don't know it goes one two three He's gonna I'm not gonna pop on the bonfire. It's my show. You're half funny today. Don't get too cocky. Whoa Mateus no stop. Mateus are playing. That's all I want. Mateus.
Starting point is 01:21:05 That's all I want to go ahead. Yeah. Mateus Carpelling. Thank you for causing this fight. I'm out of you. Good. I'll see you in the ring. All right.
Starting point is 01:21:15 Go ahead Gabby. No, no. They got on the old chair. No, go get me. Do it. No, I already want to just go. Which one? Richard dick. Mateus Carpeon. I just did. No, I don't. Just go. Which one? Richard. Dick.
Starting point is 01:21:25 Mateus Carpennon. I just did it. Oh, you see that's why I did more. We got to get it together here. Folks, guys, let's go. Where the folks go. Go, go, go. I can't, it's hard to see.
Starting point is 01:21:34 Richard, you see a little liberbera. Right, Richard Deliberbero. Yes. And then I'll take another one. Kevin Kenik. Kevin Kearney. I'll jump in right now and say, doing thank you. Thank you, Kevin Kearney.
Starting point is 01:21:44 Kevin Kearney from the Umbrell right now and say, Dylan, thank you. Thank you, Dylan. Kevin Kearney from the Umbral Dieter. Kevin Best, what's up? Take you on the best. Cody Johnston, you sound like a kid that died in middle school. Yes, thank you for the money. Fill up the slide. There we go. All right.
Starting point is 01:21:57 Is that it? Nice job, guys. I got a piece. Thank you, everybody. That's it. Guys, I want to thank Joe. Thank you. And she had go to his website, joelist.com. Com his website joelist.com, comedian joelist.com,
Starting point is 01:22:05 go subscribe to my YouTube. I'm talking about all this. I'm putting some stuff out. I got a lot of stuff coming on. Unbelievably YouTube page. You got a special up there. Dan Soda on billions. He's filming the rest of last season right now.
Starting point is 01:22:17 We finished it. We're, we're moved on to season six right now. Wow. I think we were out. I thought you were out. September 5th. It's not out. He's in the show, dude. Something happens. Oh,'s not out. He's in the show, dude. Something happens.
Starting point is 01:22:26 Oh, shit. Sorry. He's in the show. Something happens. I can't give it away. Mark that word. I'm just fucking everything up. I like the worst person on earth. Listen, anyways, bonfire and check this. I mean, he's a triple threat. He's an idiot. Bonfire. Finally, for the first time back in studio since March of 2020, today for one show only for three months. I feel though I feel that feel last week. You did awesome. I love I love that new school dance. You guys were doing the freestyle dance. It was so fun, dude. I love you. I love you. And Gabby you check out Gabby. What's your website Gab?
Starting point is 01:22:58 Gabby brine.com Gabby is brine on Instagram and Twitter. Gab you did great you doing great everybody loves you gab Um, yeah, shut up. We stop I like Joe better corporate. Oh, that's fine. Mike V. Swarris. What do you got Bubba? I'm a man like it's worth and everything and of course I want to thank all the patreon members I want to thank all the YKW defense the YouTube pages going fucking nuts Thank you for subscribing. Thank you for being a part of this. And we'll see you guys next week on You Know What The... Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty, shitty jobs.

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