Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Ding Dong Doodie | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #11

Episode Date: April 19, 2024

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder join forces and discuss Dan quitting smoking, the girl who outed her boyfriend on a livestream, tax day, try smelling salts, and so much more. Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ robertkellylive   Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/ gomezcomedy   luisjgomez   Joe List joelistcomedy   joelistcomedy   Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ dansoder   SPONSORS Zippix https://zippixtoothpicks.com/ Use promo code: REGZ for 10% off! Sheath Underwear https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ promo code: Regz for 20% off Capsulyte https://capsulyte.com/ promo code: REGZ for 30% off your order of $25 or more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. What's up? I can't hear. I can't. There you go. What's up, everybody? Who's a pompous asshole? It's Robert Kelly, Joe List, Dan Soda, and Louis Gomez. We're back early fucking morning. What the fuck did you just say? Edition. Listen, stop fucking hitting me in the knee. Just shut up and let me intro the show. I didn't fucking hit you in the knee. You fucking said Luis Gomez. Oh, I apologize.

Yeah, yeah, that's a you. You're right, you're right. That's a you. That was a me. Thank you. That was a me. Thank you. That was a me.

Thank you. Look, if there's one thing about me you know, when I fuck up, I fucking. You can't do that. That was horrible. Dude, I'll tell you what. My first move. You were like a break dancer with cerebral palsy. That was the worst I'll tell you what, my first move. You were like a break dancer with cerebral palsy. That was the worst move I've ever seen. St. Mary's, St. Mary's dance,

seventh grade, eighth grade dance. I was in sixth grade. I snuck in Karen, Karen, Karen Coughlin was the other chick I loved. She came up to me. I was smoking in the dance. This is back when you could smoke. That's why her name was Karen Coughlin. And I fucking. Ah! Ha ha ha ha. Lewis Pond Gomez. Blowing smoke in her face, you fucking dick.

I was smoking, and she walked over to me. She goes, can I have one of those? And I went like this. I took it out of the pack, and I went like this. No. That story got so gay. Yeah, she walked away. She never talked to me again.

Oh my god. Back in the day. What are you, a 50ies greaser? What are you gonna do? That's when that thing first came out. What is that? What are you doing? That's the fucking rolling with the homie. He doesn't even know what it is because he's a fucking boomer. He goes, is that from the rolling with the home? First of all, first of all, it was I, my generation came up with that, not yours. Rolling with the homies. You don't know the reference he's making. He doesn't know about the talkies.

He has no idea about. I know about the talkies. Or about Natalie's, Natalie's nice stems. I'm sitting with three of the talkies right now. I want you to shut up and listen. You'll learn something. That was from Clueless, Bobby. It was a movie from 99.

Clueless. Amy Heckerling. Clueless J. Gomez. 95, I think. Probably. Bob, Joe, I just said Clueless J. Gomez, and I feel like you sort of missed it, and I think you would've liked that one.

I do like that. Your guys' love language sucks. Clueless J. Gomez. I fucking hate it. That's how you should introduce him every week. What's up? We're back. Blow each other with plums.

I wanted Lewis to be arrested so bad. What? I was praying that he... Oh, that video he sent us? What video? Shut up, guys, that's a crime. Shut the fuck up. I just wanted to call from Natalie,

hey, Lewis is in jail, we can't do tomorrow. I'll see that, and I wish it would have been just him filming and they're whoop whoop. Yep. Just right behind him. Or just me crashing into the back of a cop car. I'd be so happy. Guys, we can't do it.

Lewis will be away for six months. I didn't watch the video. What happens? Damn. I molest a child. Hey, mister. I'm like, uh, let me track you off with my giant big hand. Rolling with the kiddies.

So it's nine, what is it, nine? It's in the nine. It's nine! Regs in the morning. Nine! This is fucking blows. What do you mean, why? Yeah, it's dumb. What are you talking about?

I get up every morning at six in the morning. We all get, I get up at six every morning too, but I don't drive into the city. I wake up every day at five a.m. and I think, how can I earn money? I get prayed up. I wake up at four and get prayed up. Marky Mark.

Dude. I wake up at, whoa. What was that? What the fuck was that? I thought that was the sexy music from the Real Ass podcast. I feel like, uh-oh. What?

Oh God, all your bank accounts just got hacked. Dude, I get a message once a week saying that my information is on the dark web, and then when you're like, oh my God, and you look up to see what you can do, there's nothing you can do about it. They're just like, you should just know. You're getting fucked on the dark web, right? I got an email with my password saying, we have all your passwords. We've looked through all your emails and the things you've looked at, the things you see,

we're gonna expose it to everybody unless you send us money right now. And they had my password, it was my password in the email. Who sent it? From Louis James Gomez. I don't know. Mike Suarez. Yeah, I've gotten those emails too.

Those are all like fishing hacks, right? Yeah. It almost got me one time where they mirror a website and make it look real and it was Apple and it was like You need to re-sign into your Apple. That's just that's how I lost my Twitter account Oh, they really got it completely hacked and taken away from me Because I get a message and they're like, oh hey, you change your password in Belgium. Is that you? I'm like no Whoa, they click on it. They're like switch your password. Here's my password. Say it again What you made the mother's made name dude, I was like, oh thank god then I went and then a week later I'm watching Godzilla and I get an email from Twitter being like yeah, everything's been changed

Like what and I couldn't even enjoy the new Godzilla movie I heard it was incredible But I was just sweating and freaking out the entire time Running out to the bathroom and trying to get my shit back Yeah Joe is racist in the morning. I mean Only racist to Asian people WLK you racist in the morning WKKK.

WNI. You can spell it right now. Of course you can't spell it. What? Let's all do. You don't know how to spell. Yeah. Like we're like, uh, gee, racist cheerleading. Good save. Um, with that Apple did that, they like the mirror Apple thing, and then I was typing in my stuff, and I was like, what's your social security number? And I was like, as I was typing it in,

I was like, this is a weird thing for Apple to ask for. And then I looked at the address, and it was like all numbers and letters. Was the website Elpa? Apple reversed? So, you know what though, it's early. Yeah, people are new to that. I feel like we should sew that into Joe's organs. Organs, the worst joke you've ever heard.

You saved it with a pun. I like that. God damn it dude. I hate this get out of bomb free fight. I will take the bomb, Dana, but I think if the joke is a purposeful bomb, how come you drink the water like that? What do I do? I drink it out the side like that. You had a stroke. Joe's got to go to direct to a bomb jail.

Do not pass code. Do not collect $200. Joe, we don't want to tell you this. Bobby had a stroke. Did something happen? I wish I did this morning so I didn't have to come here. Oh, dude, what a race war. You versus Keith, black versus white on even playing field.

Yeah, white people, when white people have strokes, it's not like. It sounds like a Def Jam joke. Black people become more like sassy and fun. Black people become more popular. Yeah, white people, like Keith's got a swag check now. He's got wisdom. He's got like a smoky gray eye, like a homeless dog.

And he's like, I've seen the future. It's terrible. White people, it's just, white people just every day. White people be like this. White people be like this. White people be dying like this. Black people be dying like this. But Teddy Bergeron's joke about cops.

What? Just know, if you ever wanna win Joe, it's puns with me, it's just shitty death jam jokes. Joe, what was the joke? Teddy Berger on? No, by the way, nobody knows. Nobody knows. Yeah. It sounds like a fucking Bruins water from the first guy on the tonight show to be asked to sit down on the couch. The first comic to ever Johnny ever wave dormant said, sit. It's so cool that you guys know that.

Virgin. Holy shit, dude dude what a dork ass podcast. I didn't notice in the history of comedy museum you fucking nerds. The Tonight Show is a show where comics go. Yeah I went on recently. It literally meant nothing. It means less than going on Legion of Skanks today. I lost ticket sales. Like several people were like you like Fallon you fucking homo but anyways

Teddy brush I want to preface by saying no one's ever told someone else's joke and had it do well everyone always reacts like I'm bombing but this is a great joke Teddy Brosch had a bit buff and you watch cops black people white people react the exact opposite when they get pulled over is this a black guy or white guy white guy is a white guy? White guy is a white guy. That's fucking great. Truth bomb. I'm listening. He goes, white guys admit to everything right away. He's like officer. I've been drinking. I was smoking and my wife is crying because I hit her this bit and he does that and black people. It's the complete opposite. He's like, they're like, this is not that I just found cocaine your pants. He's not my pants

Cops going around putting cocaine in pockets and the whole thing it was great. You got it much better than that I'm telling you it works though. It was solid. He was huge. He's dead. He died Do you what out of Vegas right in his gang fest? I were repeated Are we gonna you complete this can I say a dirty word that you could bleep? Because I just repeated this to my sister the other day and it just really tickled me. I forgot about this Mike DeStefano joke. You remember Mike DeStefano? Yeah, oh they're having a benefit for him right now. His brother's, his brother, no,

a benefit for his brother. His brother's dying. Well not dying, he's sick. And they're doing a benefit for him. Well we couldn't save the De Sifano that we cared about How much money we're gonna raise for the one that nobody knows This joke is great, it's just terrible So he goes he was like I ate at the Cracker Barrel restaurant recently the crackle back the Cracker Barrel

What type of racist horse shit is this that's like if I opened up a restaurant and called it the basket Yeah It is a good bit Jesus Ten minutes of this podcast He said that on stage In front of eating give a fuck. He was awesome Julian McCullough told me a story that he used to do recovery meetings like that's where he'd go speak at and make his money

Yeah, and then he when he got like going in comedy and did well in last comic standing He had an agent that would book him, but he didn't like the way the agent was booking him And he was like he just fired. He just fired him just cuz he didn't like the money He was getting he's like I make all my money from recovery speeches. He just fired his guy. Yeah, but that was fucking badass I didn't fire. he had a backup. Oh, okay, well, that blows that story for me. Yeah, it's not like he. Santa's not real?

Santa is real. Israel? Israel. Let's get into it. I'm glad you brought it up. He also had the great joke where he said, people say, what did you do before you were a comedian? He said, I was a drug counselor.

And they said, what did you do before that? He said, I was a drug addict. And they said, what did you do before that? He said I was a drug addict and they said what'd you do before that? He goes I was a My favorite one is when he's like you think you go to hell and you see gay people and you're like I was because you're gay and they were like it was the pride that got us He talked about another time Joe gave me nothing on it so a person makes for bail man There was like a person coming door to door. door to door who had like his whole face missing. He was like in an accident or something where his whole face was fucked up.

And he was trying to like sell Christianity to Mike D. And he's like, you know, just you need to give yourself to God. And he was like, I'm not gonna give myself to your God. Does he have a special? Are we just bombing with my jokes? Yeah. Everyone's at home like this guy's so. I'm glad give myself to your god. Does he have a special? Are we just bombing with my key jokes? Yeah, yeah. Everyone's at home like this guy sucks.

I'm glad he's dead. Yeah, his brother's not gonna get any money. He was pretty good, dude, it was a whole thing. It was great. I was on that season of Last Comic. What was the question you asked? Did he have a special or anything? Me, he did a special for Comedy Central

called Comics Anonymous. Me, Voss. It was all unknown comics. Norton. We were like all sober comics did it. Bobby. Yeah, what's up buddy? Whatever your morning MPR energy is,

you need to fucking, you pick it up. You do your fucking show and I'll do my show. This is our show. This is our show. Yeah, it's our show. I'll do my show the way I fucking do my show. This is our show. This is our show. Yeah, it's our show. I'll do my show the way I fucking do my show. It's an hour show. Fucking nine.

I would kill for this to be an hour show. I don't understand why it's a two hour show. Joe is on the board. That's fucking good. I got on the board early. It was with another guy. You started the whole let's do other people's bits train. That dude is terrible.

Police, go around, put your hands Police go around. He was great. That was a special that boss said my wife's ass is flatter than Margaret Cho's face. And he was like, you got to edit that out. You got it out. And they didn't. I'm a watch the special. They had it on there. What did Margaret Cho say about that? Joe? Oh, hello. Oh, I don't do that kind of humor. I'm a mega-chi. That's Japanese. Mega-chi-chi. Cut to my camera, I want people to see that I'm not smiling or laughing at this.

Keep cutting. I don't think that's funny. Joey, you have the nicest not smiling comedy. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

All right, I'm just saying, wake up boys, I'm up. I'm awake. I'm fine. wake up boys. I'm up I'm up. I'm fine. I'm on two drugs. Yeah, that would make me sleepier. I don't do I do down you do uppers downer you take Adderall. No, I don't. Yeah, you do. Get your fucking mind. What would you do something? Are you gonna your mind? What would you be like not heavily sedated. Are you just... Ah! Oh fuck! What the fuck, dude? Don't ask questions, Dan, that you don't want the answers to. I gotta go on the fucking road this week, dude.

You just broke my fucking nose. No, I'm not on Adderall, dude. I stopped doing Adderall... Tuesday? I'm on the board. No, the... Bobby, Bobby, Bobby! Bobby, Bobby, Bobby! No, the time I got into the thing with Kurt Metzger

at the Comedy Store was the last time I ever did it at all. I have a T-shirt of that. Do you? Yeah, someone made me a Banish 21 maybe. What was that about? I never got into it, I never watched it. I just saw you throw a cup at him and you were gonna beat the shit out of him.

I mean, I can synopsize it fairly quickly. What? Sure. Language is about relating ideas, I understand. I'm dumb too. Me personally, how I like to enjoy a Joe list is the subtlety. A lot of people like other things, the puns. I like the little subtleties.

The racist Asian. Sure, yeah, synopsize. Synopsize. I didn't say synopsize, you're adding an extra value. Value? What'd you say? I said value. Just synopsize. Yeah, synopsize.

Soap it. Synopsize. Yeah. Summarize. Summise? Summarize. Summise? Summarize.

Summarize your story. Summarize, sword. A real summarize. Summarize, we like a dis. Don't do it, come on, dude. summarize. Come on man we can do the voice. We can do the voice. Take it too far. Look at the ease. That's Chinese, that's not Japanese. That was everything. Can I ask a serious question? Do we have scotch tape? Come on let's make it go viral. I'm gonna need I'm going to need a rice mat. Make it viral. I'm going to need scotch tape.

Your scotch tape in the seventh grade was the most fun thing to just make. And it wasn't just Asian. Asian, you start with Asian, but then you fucking make your nose flat like a black guy. You make your bottom lip ball big like Bubba Goop. Or if you're me in high school, you make a whole tape beard during history. And then they go, what are you doing? And I'm coloring it. Don't do it.

We have to each try to create a different race with tape on our face and the best race. Hold on, I remember one. I know which one I want to do. I love how quick Soda went from absolutely not to get here. We're not doing that, wait, wait, wait, I just thought of one. This is also a very big tape. We have a smaller tape. Well, you can make that smaller.

It's a lot, Bob. It's not a lot. It's a lot. It's a not a lot. Whoa. Jesus Christ, Dan. Jesus, you little fucking animal. Burn victim.

Burn victim is not a race, but it rules. Oh, fuck, I didn't get a long enough piece of tape. You gotta get a big piece. It also hurt my nose. Hold on. All right, I'm gonna be a black guy. You're so cheesy. This is unacceptable. What? I'm not laughing. I'm not smiling.

Hey, yo, what up, babe? What up, babe? I don't even know what that is. How to hangin', bro? How is that? No, no. Also, how hangin', bro? Is it no. Also, how to hang him bro? Blackface? That's not black. Black tape face? He talks like when a cop is trying to be racist where he's like, hey bro, what it is? Remember that act on America's Got Talent tape face?

Imagine it was black tape face. And it was just him doing racist matches with tape on his face. No, no. This is my new character, I'm doing black tape face. Oh my God, what are you eating tape? Why? You look more like Rocky. Yeah, hey why is it when you get pulled over you admit to everything? If Rocky was black? Hey this ain't cocaine, this ain't my pants. I don't even know who these pants are.

Fun fact about Teddy Bergeron, which I probably told you in 1985, the movie Comedian, you know this fact? I know Comedian, yeah. The movie Comedian was supposed to be about three comedians. It was supposed to be about Ornie Adams, who was up and coming, Jerry the Legend, and Teddy Bergeron, the guy who had it but lost it.

Really? He was so fucked up that he couldn't even film it. And Seinfeld. What, Seinfeld? Drinking? Drinking, yeah, he died of alcoholic film it. What, fuck him up? Drinking? Drinking, yeah, he died an alcoholic. Do people talk about Comedian like it is about Orny Adams and Jerry Seinfeld?

Yeah. As it is. I mean, I've always just seen it as a Jerry Seinfeld documentary and they included Orny Adams. No, they have. You're not wrong, but. They wanted the up and coming, yeah,

like he said, that was the plan of it. I have him, yeah. I thought it would. Orny's stuff is the most interesting stuff, actually. It holds up. They made him look like a-and-coming. Yeah, like he said that was the plan of it Or any stuff is the most interesting stuff actually it holds they made him look like a real jerk-off they did they did and I Think he was just like literally follow most comics around with a camera and film the worst of them You could make anyone look like a real Screen it and you're like fuck just me shoplifting Well, there were things like, I think, I listened to him on Marin, it was a really good listen,

but he talked about, there's the one moment where he's like, I gotta open my own door, and he's like, I was kidding. Like I was trying to be funny. And so they kinda edited it like he's. I mean look, I like Orny, I came up with him. He's kind of a dick. I mean it's not, he's. You were around when they were filming that, right?

Yeah, that's the Not You story, that's where that happened. Fuck it, he's- You were around when they were filming that, right? Ah, yeah, that's the Not You story. That's where that happened. So fucking, I didn't know that was when they were filming that. Yeah, because I didn't want, like, he sat at the table and all the comics, we tried to sit over there and get in the movie, and I was like, no, I'm gonna,

if I'm friends with him, I'll happen organically. Yeah, I get that. And then it organically happened, and then he fucking shut me down. Not you. He hasn't talked to me since. So he doesn't talk to anybody. I actually waved to him,

he was on stage at the cellar one night and I was on stage and he was just sitting there like watching me. This is Seinfeld? Seinfeld, yeah. And I was like, oh, and as I'm walking off, he was sitting there looking at me. And I waved and he was looking through,

he just looked through me. Yeah. Oh, I didn't even see you Bobby. I just went like this. Hey, hey, hey. He was looking at me like a magic eye book. He's like, I saw sailboats. Why do we show our palm and fingers to each other?

What is that? I trust you don't have anything in your hand. You're just not that good. I don't want to be seen with you. What is it? You're all act outs. Write some jokes. Observe stuff.

It was funny. Notice things. I said the same thing twice. I'm going to kill myself. I'm going to fucking do it. Guys, can we just laugh at Dan? Sorry. Doesn't we were laughing at Dan. We need Katie walks in. I'm like, we were laughing at Dan. Hey, Dan, I heard a ha ha ha car into the walls. I heard a big thud, Dan. Yeah, he's a, or he's not a piece of fucking, he's kind of a dick.

Well, he seemed prickly, but I do think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick.

I think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick. I think he's kind of a dick. I heard a big sud, Dan. Yeah, he's a, Ornie's not a, he's a fuckin', he's kind of a dick. Well, he seemed prickly, but I do think it,

it didn't do him any favors, it feels like, that movie. Alonzo Bowden almost choked him out on a tour. He went on and, they went on TV and he did Alonzo. These people can't, they just can't stop. Alonzo, Alonzo has- Quick, hit the tape. I'm Alonzo Bowden, you about to die when he add him. That's my Alonzo Boat impression.

Alonzo's really kind of political and he had a joke about Obama or something. And fucking Orne, he did it on the TV show in front of him. I mean, that's insane. Did his joke. That's insane. And then Alonzo, right after they got off air, just grabbed him by the neck and fucking was going

to do you think he actually stole the joke? He just did a probably a fairly simple joke. No, he took his eye because he was doing it like that was his thought like they were going on trying to come up with things they were going to say. Oh, I already just grabbed it and did it. He did it in front of him on the most Canadian TV. Who the fuck's going to see that? Yeah. Yeah. He was what? Six Who the fuck's gonna see that? Yeah, he was okay. What, six guys and a moose?

I'll go. Yo, kebap! Six guys and a moose. I don't wanna go off on a reindeer. I didn't hate it. Six guys and a moose. I don't wanna go off on a reindeer. I did a Canadian TV show.

Who's gonna see that? Six Mounties and their moose? Yo, kebap! What the fuck was that? What are they gonna do, play hockey and curl? I feel like the Ottoman Empire on the last day, babe. No more before noon. I've decided.

I'll tell you what, I'm at my best at this time, but we can't lose three of you for my best meeting. It's not worth it. The trade-off isn't worth it, dude. When we did that night episode, we were all fucking bad. No! Night is nice. No, night's bad.

Mid afternoon. I'm on the live twitch. Monday's at two. Monday's at two. What happened to him? Why the fuck are we here? Patriots Day. What happened to Monday? Fucking Joe. Joe. Why? It's a holiday. Joe's also a, don't forget, he's a Boston Bomb survivor. I was a Marathon bombing survivor. I go every year. I was there.

You went to the Marathon on Monday? I was a Philly bombing survivor last weekend. No, I'm going next Monday. That was great. Thanks, boys. No, it's a holiday. We fucking to doing this at 9 in the morning because you went to a fucking marathon? No, no, no. I was available all day today. No.

I can't do it. You just- Monday. No, you guys just threw out Mondays of Google. Yeah, what happened? Why couldn't we do today at 3? We all agreed on it. Question. No, Dan couldn't do today at 3. I could do it. Next week I couldn't do- I can't do today at 3. Oh, you can't do today at 3. could do not next week I couldn't do I can't do today at three you can't do today no I have I have shit

right after this all this is like our most available person no you weren't we don't you look at Mondays at two no we didn't all agree we actually you know what Bobby's got a point and I immediately run Natalie Natalie do next Monday we did we say Mondays at two I also just want to say at the last episode. I'm sorry what'd you say? Can I just say real quick, the last time. Natalie's got Muppet voice. Oh jeez guys. I was like involved. I remember at the end of the last episode. You know when I'm in the middle, that's not my job. As I listen to my friend Joe at the end of the last episode I go hey guys we gotta pick out because the next Monday is not gonna work because Joe's at Patriots Day.

Which I said, the text says Monday's at two, and I said, okay, just a heads up, Monday the 15th, which was three weeks ago, I said. Yeah. It's tax day, Joe. It's tax day. It's Patriots Day, dude. Yeah, dog.

You celebrate tax day, you piece of shit, and stung bag motherfucker. Someone's gotta pay for that military industrial complex. Don't even get me going, dude. I will, I will. If, by the way Don't even get me going. Israel. Israel. Israel. Israel.

Israel. Israel. Why doesn't whoever the president wants to be, why don't they just come out and go, we're gonna cut taxes in half? They always do that. If they say that to the rich people behind our backs, then they go, we like you.

But that would make me, I don't care what they do beyond that. Anything, literally anything else they do doesn't matter to me. I don't even think about my taxes and just pay them. You don't think if that's crazy. No, I just pay them You know, you're not what are you gonna do? There's nothing if you try I got audited and being audited is the fucking worst Because then when you finally settle the second you hang up the phone the money's out of your account. No, no shit

You're not at auditions. I Dude, I think about it because that's, I give the government all of my money. So I think about it regularly when all of my money is being taken away from me. That's the worst. Oh, I hate it. That's the worst.

You just gotta find the loopholes. You gotta find the trumpholes. I know, you gotta get fucking. Bobby's gonna get audited again because of that? You gotta find the trumpholes. Nah, there's ways. You gotta put money overseas. You gotta put it in little. There's ways you got to put money overseas you got to put it in little

Bobby's buying fine art. Bobby is this an original polyp? You have a Monet in your living room? This dick just trust me also don't look at the back there's money lining it. Don't you think taxes would be better if they sent you a breakdown like a pie chart of like here where it's going like if 12 of your dollars went to public school in your town, 8,000 went to a tank. 130,000 went to murdering children overseas. If they did that, nobody would pay their taxes. How much money do you make? A lot.

Are you paying $130,000 in taxes? It's none of your fucking business what I pay in taxes. You just said it out loud. I said that was a portion of it that's going to murder children. I think Lewis is fucking us on his ways to get around it though you can you know stop stop stop stop get it let me help you you out worse than the n-word trust me he goes I'm telling you right now, dude, Offshore's account is super easy to set up. I gotta die. Bobby's wearing Sam Ace Rothstein's glasses. He's going, you can get out of it. I know.

Get paid in cash. Get paid in cash. That's illegal. Shut up. Just saying. Bobby did tell me that recently. I was doing a gig. He was like, dude, he's like, I was like, yeah, the money's not that good.

He's like, tell him to pay you in cash and then you'll do it. And I was like, he was like, Dennis, like, you're doubling the money. I was like, Bobby, that's tax fraud. He goes, tell him to put down a briefcase. They're going to walk away. You're going to walk away. You're going to walk away. You're going to walk away. You're going to walk away. You're going to walk away. You're going to walk away. You're going to walk away. the money's not that good. He's like, tell them to pay you in cash, then you'll do it. And I was like, you're doubling the money.

I was like, Bobby, that's tax fraud. He goes, tell them to put down a briefcase. They're gonna walk away, you're gonna pick it up. That's how you pay for the gig, dude. But comedians, we're lucky we can write off more stuff than any other profession. You can write off a ton of it, you can write off everything.

Your rent, 25% of your rent. Yeah, you can write off your rent, your car, that's why I leased the car, you write off that. Clothes, clothes, wardrobe. All your travel, all your food on the road. And that's a lot of money for Bobby. Food on the road.

He goes, Bobby, I can't do this. They're gonna know. They're gonna know something's up on it. I have to accept that I'm just the fat guy for life. Yeah, wow. Bobby, did they ever come to you? Did your accountant ever come to you and go, Bobby, there's no way we can put this number down

for food on the road. That's crazy, you're gonna get audited. What are you doing, kids' schools? It's lunch, I gotta go. Are you feeding the homeless? Gentlemen, let's take a quick moment and thank one of my favorite sponsors. You guys are not booze bags like me,

but I love to get fucked up, I love to drink. Skank Fest is coming up, and if you want to party as hard as I party at Skank Fest, you're going to have to do something, because you don't want to wake up the next day feeling like absolute shit. And what we have is Capsulite, which is a great company, Capsulite, that's C-A-P-S-U-L-Y-T-E,

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I mean, people that take it, well, they'll tell you, if you guys, it's truly the best product for this. Maybe if they had this when I was drinking, I could still drink. You'd still be partying, dude. I'd still be partying. Well, they don't make Flintstone vitamin versions like when you were boozing.

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You can, you can get around it. Not around it, but there's so many tax write-offs. Stop. They're gonna take your time. There's not getting any, yes, yeah, you can, it's not even, there's nothing getting around it. You can write things off. It's not a loophole, it's not fake,

like that's just what you do. Yeah, but we get stuff. By the way, here's what happened. We're all, we come from poor mentality, right? So we're going, it's like, oh, we gotta fucking figure out a way. Rich people aren't going like, there's loopholes. They're going, no, no, here's the tax law.

I'm going to fucking abide by the tax law and I'm going to keep as much of my money as fucking possible. And they're not, they don't feel guilty about it. They don't feel like they're getting around anything. They don't feel like it's a loophole. They're just doing what you're supposed to do. And rich people think that way. And poor shlubs like us goes like, Oh dude, we need to fucking yeah, right off our fucking travel. That's a fucking loophole. That's lovely. That's gonna happen. If you're

in sag, you can use podcast money to get a medical insurance. What if you have saggy tits? Cause I'm. Yeah, I use my podcast money. No, we just talked about this in the last show. Yeah. And you can, you can have, yeah, you can do that.. No shit, he just talked about this in the last show. Yeah, you can do that. You gotta, you can't do that with your tits. Yeah, look at those jiggling. I did this to James. Oh, jiggling.

Why? Just to be funny, I went like, look James, ooh. And I literally watched him look down at my tits. Kind of like he liked them and then looked up and he went, dad, never do that again. That's so funny. This is, God, you got a rack, pops. Sorry, I don't know where I went there for a second. A rack war. A fucking tax money. I know, do it again. You're right, this is. God, you got Iraq, Pops. Sorry, I don't know where I went there for a second.

Iraq war, a fuckin' tax money. I know, dude. Wow. Thank you for bringing that up. Israel, Iraq, dude, we're fuckin' keepin' the issues on point today. Where were the weapons of mass destruction? In my pants.

Yeah, bring that hog covered in herbs. Woo hoo! If you guys ate cum, oh, Jesus! Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Joe. Joseph Albert. That's why him and Bert Kreischer and Sgt. Beef, they were sharing the Bert name.

Yeah, Albert. You know what's fun about this is it's $100. I bumped into Danny. $100. That's not $100. $100. It was maybe $3. The brownie, Bob. If you paid $100 for that brownie, that's crazy. Wow. $100 gift card. Receipts. So I can return this for cash. Just give me the cash. The best. The best part is I got here and all started here, but Danny was leaving. Yeah. And it's because you guys forgot my birthday. I didn't forget your birthday. I texted, by the way, everyone forgot your birthday.

I texted the group, happy birthday, Joe. Dan called me on my birthday. Dan called you, wow. Yeah, Bob. Suck my dick. I wanted to wait to see today. Dan has nothing. Dan has a girlfriend that's cheating on him.

That's all he has in his life. No, because I would kill her. She knows that. Why isn't this rolled up? Jesus Christ, don't say that. I've been sitting here for 20 minutes. A cold brownie? A cold brownie? Can you breathe on it? Nicole Brownie Simpson? That's good. Speaking of killing girlfriends. Thank you guys. Yes. All of you for this gift and the gift card. All three of you. It was really my idea. Equally.

It was not his idea. I appreciate it. It didn't fall on the day. I'm the idea guy idea guy everyone knows that he's he really is they put they punched it up. I'm gonna eat this right now Is that okay? Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, if you try to yeah open your mouth as big as possible Yeah, don't take such a big bite. Yeah, you and your goldfish eating That's very nice, thank you very much. You're welcome. What'd you do for your birthday? Went to Virginia. Ah, he likes to tour plantations.

And act like he's a slave owner. I don't wanna say where, cause it's like a hidden secret. What? What are you, you fucking asshole? So check out his new issue of Joe Magazine. Where he tells you. Yeah, you're not gonna raise the real estate in Virginia for 15 fun secret places

You can't harbor fun places for yourself. That's fucked up to share it with the masses. Let us have fun. Where is it? It's called balloons Goon balloon scoon balloons. You know, it's funny is I actually went to school in balloon schooloon. Is that right? Yeah, it was Virginia A&M. What, anal and massages? It's alright, it's your birthday. No, I went to Sperryville, Virginia. That sounds more made up than Balloonville. It's not.

I went to Glasses Town. I went to Bobby Lewis Joe Town. I went to huge head fill in Florida. I went to Fetal Alcohol. I went to Krusty Mustache Puerto Rico. What the fuck was that Joe? First of all, it's not Krusty. I just use tape and I got all the shit off. While doing my black impression, I went to Fish Mouth Albuquerque. Albert, Albert, Kirk. What's so amazing about Sperry Town? Pull my black impression. I went to fish mouth Albuquerque Albert

Albert, Kirk. What's so amazing about Sperry town? Pull it up on. Can we see the top things about the secrets? You just told everyone. It does look nice. 12 best things to do. Let's go through it. It's not what this is like a list and a Sarah weekend. Other like fucking turning butter. You fucking and eggs without butter. Yeah last year too Dine at the three blacksmiths, it's their only restaurant Iconic old rag that's what Joe calls Sarah. Can we get a shot of this?

Great. Home run. Whatever the opposite of the bomb dan is, you get it. Hand drop. Wow. Did you, how many things did you do here? Yeah, scroll back to the restaurant. Did you do it and give it a review? Did you go to the things did you do here? Did you go back to the rest? Did you do it and give you a review? Did you go to the three blacksmiths? It was closed

You have been there. They were late. They're like you're coming into work today motherfucker. That food looks like shit, too By the way, I wouldn't want to eat that no little tiny. It's a huge plate with a little tiny dish I hope the night like that fine dining dude. I don't like the when they give you a little bit of food Yeah, I hate that Yeah, we know we know that why you had to have medical science interview right you get a point I always like I'll take 300 oysters. Excuse me. Can I have this times 40? Can I have five? They go, hey man, we ain't got nothing to noodles. Yo, this motherfucker ordered all the noodles. I got you, you didn't go there.

You didn't go there. Wow Joe, so the number one thing to do in Sparrow is what you already failed on. Some asshole blogger, they don't know. Also, it's like, that's the best thing to do in this restaurant is to go eat at this specific restaurant. No, I mean, it's not, dude, I like, when I travel, a big part of traveling is dining. That's the best thing to do in this restaurant is go eat at this specific restaurant. Yeah. No, I mean, it's not, dude, I like, when I've traveled, a big part of traveling is dining. That's it. Okay, I hated that. Whatever that was.

I hated Lewis' getaway card. No, my girl taught me how to do it. You gotta go, you gotta go wrist, elbow, shoulder, shoulder. It's head, shoulders, knees, and toes. Knees and toes. Got your eyes and your ears and your mouth and your nose. So did you go on the- We did that last year.

We did that? How was it? It's awesome. The old rag? It's a national park. Shenandoah National Park. Shenandoah? It's a park to us.

90210. They named the park after her. Sip on a cocktail at Francis Park. Did you do that, Joe? We went to Francis Park. You just sipped on a cocktail. Our parents were there. We did go there.

So we did spend some time there. Come suck off a guy named Francis. Hey Frank, come here. We went to Copper Fox Distillery. It's wine country over there also. So it's just literally just drinking and walking. It's all things you can't do except walk. Enjoy a coffee by the river? What is this list? Yeah, yeah, we did that. Have unprotected sex with a stranger free on a playground It's all stuff Joe list is done. What's this? Enjoy cheese and wine from the corner store? Let me tell you right now this list may go to a bodega. This person is insufferable. Whoever this is Bodega you fucking

Go get a go get a bacon egg and cheese in a blunt rap and a metan Indian give me five scratch tickets an individual pack of gushers All right that look good go back what is that elevate your cock what is that Bobby's just staring at food right now It's a hot chick. Look at him. Look at his face. He's like did you go back? Hey, is anyway, is that scratching sniff? Number seven, this is just a fucking fomo. That looks like a good sandwich though, with fresh bread. I'm into that.

We stayed on a farm and we fed horses and goats. So you did work. Spectacular. You actually did farm work. You were a Mexican for a weekend. We threw nuts at a goat. They go, guys. We sold oranges on the side of the road. They go, hey everybody, the day laborers are here.

I didn't milk the cows, you fucking jackass. They paid me $150 a day to build a porch. Joe shows up, he goes, may I work for you? I have coffee, I work. Me, old rag, we make. I got Sarah pregnant again. It was pretty, pretty Mexican, this trip. First of all, I'm not getting Sarah pregnant

without a lab. A is that is that where you stay that's Bobby's tiny house yeah it's a trailer but I call it a tiny house I feel like as Bobby was like is that where you stayed he was like Dude is this what it's like for you for you guys to look at me Oh, no, I was just how it feels sometimes the best advice is this stuff you need to hear yourself I am gonna steal those poles in a barrel Oh, no. Is this how it feels? Sometimes the best advice is the stuff you need to hear yourself. I am going to steal those poles in a barrel thing. This is all because that food truck isn't there. That's a food truck. All right. What's number 10? Let's get let's get this over. Go home.

What is that? Watch the sunset at the Inn at Mount Vernon Farm. Is that where you say the Mount Vernon Farm? No, we say the different farm. Well, you don't want to say the farm. I'm not saying the farm. Why? Because why? You think everyone's gonna show up. You should help the business. Exactly. No, then I won't be able to get it back.

Do you think this is gonna do that? This many people are gonna book out your shitful vacation. That would be so funny if skank fans just went and booked it out every year the week he wants to go. It's a bunch of fucking smelly Kratomatics just falling asleep.

Yeah, we're in a skank shirt. Did you know, this is true? There was a guy, a Tuesday who really got mad at me. I have the email somewhere because I kept talking about how I wanted to move to Red Bank and he literally was mad that I was driving the house prices up in Red Bank. Like you. And we had like a back and forth.

I was like, I hope you're joking. And he's like, no, it's not that crazy. Red Bank's kind of deep. What do you mean deep? It's like far away. Far. It's like emotional. Like everyone there is like. It's like the guy that doesn't get the

point of the story. I like the act. I'm not moving to Red Bank. The point is how funny is it that a guy literally thought I was driving up. How funny is it that you think that's gonna happen here? And also you said you were thinking about moving to Red Bank. I'm not the asshole. You're the asshole. Think in the past. And you probably live further away from Red Bank. How far away do you live? He's 30 minutes away. Yeah, I'm not far at all. He's near, right where I'm, basically a side of the bush.

You live as far as Red Bank. I do not, I live 30 minutes. Do you know what parameters is? 30 minutes. I'm near a parameters. Great. We looked it up one time. I just watched Joe fail to think of a pun.

I watched Joe go compute, put it in a parameters, put it in a parameters, put it in a parameters, put it in a parameters, and then he gave up. You watched me think watched Joe fail to think of a pun. I watched Joe go compute, purr-a-nus, purr-a-bata, purr-a-bata, and then he gave up. You watched me think about what I'm gonna have for lunch. That sandwich did look good. Hey, you uh. Fresh bread, I love a fresh bread. Lewis has two loads, purr-a-nus.

Two loads purr-a-nus. Dan's blood sugar just dropped no but this specific farmhouse it's very from about them promote alright for fact for it is hard to book I understand it's hard to book ok I think it's a shit I'm being a friend no corporate no I'm not I don't have a corporate job I'm not like you and and and I like bill my own you fucking stuck me with you, you piece of shit. I gave you my curse.

They don't need help. They're billionaires. They have a house, like a 350 bedroom house. Tax the rich. You know. So just go to. Did you have to stay with other people, other families? No.

So you rent the whole house. I rented a farmhouse, yeah. The whole thing. How many rooms is it? It was two bedrooms. Oh, okay. So it's not a big farm. It's kind of a shitty farm. No, but it's 150 acres.

So it's like the Waltons. 150 acre farm. What do they farm in there? Cotton. Cotton farm. Goats, cows, foxes. I showed up. I'm like, oh, I'm gonna pick some up.

Fowl. You're wild, you're a wild boy. You're a wild boy. My father was African. What does that mean? He am a real ass dude. I want you to understand something. I do not like knives. Your father was African. He can't live past 40. He was 26 Joe.

He was way younger. Damn. For real? Yeah. Wow. Jesus. Your father died when he was 20? In six.

I thought he was older than that. I thought he was like 40. 26. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. For real? Yeah. Wow, Jesus, your father died when he was 20? In six.

I thought he was older than that. I thought he was like 40. 26. Oh my God, that sucks. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Way to run that back.

Damn, that's horrible. Anyways, farms. Anyways. No, it was special. Did you have to take care of the animal? Who took care of the animals while you guys were there? The farmhand. So where did they stay?

In the giant house. With you? No. They stay In the giant house. With you? No. They stay in a side house. Oh, you stay in the side, you're not in the house house, you're in a side house. No, we're in a farm house. It's 150 acres.

How many houses are on the farm? Say 150 acres again, like anyone except for Bobby knows what that means. You don't know what 150 acres means? No, I couldn't, I don't know. It's a lot of land. How many acres is a football field? You gotta measure things in football fields, fuck face. I. I like you never watch the football game in your life

I have no idea how big a football field But I know closer than what an acre is is a football field pretty close to an acre That's what I imagine an acre would be one thing it is I don't know acres either look at it up soon when it's a football 50 count How much how many football fields is one acre? Oh if it's like 1.1., how great will that be? That'd be sick. I'd be so happy. I'm gonna be able to visualize acres. Bobby's yard is probably half an acre, right? Yes.

0.75625 football field. It's pretty fucking close to an acre, dude. 75% of an acre is football field. That's like up into the red zone. You know about the red zone. It's like 300, you've been to Bobby's house, it's like 300 of Bobby's yard. I own four acres up in New Hampshire, the woods.

I'm not, it's not a criticism. You own 3.25 football fields worth of land. That's a lot. What we're talking about. Also, that doesn't seem like it's that much. When you say I own four acres, I'm imagining like a sprawling forest, like with enchanted creatures and fucking,

it's four football fields, Bobby. Yeah, but there's 500 acres behind my land of natural forest, which is, you can use too. You can go into that? Yeah, yeah, just go into it. I feel like you just, you just. I swear to God, I swear to God, me and Don and Max last, on the vacation week there,

we went snowshoeing up behind our house. Just walk up a mountain and then you come into a. God, if I were Max, I'd be bitching the whole time. He had. Look at that ass. Ding dong doody. Huh? That was whole time. He had a last ding dong duty Huh, that was the name of the farmhand Is informant? Oh, hello. I'm a ding-dong duty Look at I am the Asian a foam a hand a ding-dong

Ding-dong duty the Asian farmhand. I'm setting you guys up for it. I can only take an impression so far I'm breathing in the nature and wake up. I'm taking in the scenery. I am point guarding, bounce pass, ding dong duty. I slapped it out of bounds. Get that shit out of here. I'm not running that play. You fucking maniac. He needs you.

It's like howdy, duty, but it's an Asian farming. Ding dong duty. I'm going to get out of here. It's a good bet. It was, I liked it. If they would have jumped in on ding dong duty, it would have been the bit of the show. I would get out of here. It's a good bet. It was, I liked it. If they would have jumped in on Ding Dong Duty, it would have been the bit of the show. We would have clipped it.

We would have gotten it canceled. Is that the house you stayed in? That's the house, baby. That looks haunted. Look at that. It's on 150 acres, everyone. That looks haunted. Did you smoke any cigars?

I smoked cigars twice a day, maybe. Wow, that's great. Big fire, big old campfire. Did you light it? Who lit it for you? Farm hands? What was that? I was listening to my sets. It was a car alarm. He trashed himself.

Hey, let's get a box! Let's get another round of box! I could use another box, guys. Alright! Can you get me one, but the one I like with the light cream, not heavy fucking cream? Yeah, you fuck, Bobby. Oh, you got him brevet? Yeah, it's heavy cream, not half and half.

Sweet cream vanilla cold, no, I do half and half. Thank you, Breve as well. Yeah. What? Yeah, I got a card. I am super sleepy. Aw. Sleepy boy.

Relax, what time were you up till last night? Three. Really? Really, I went to bed at nine. I go to bed at 10 o'clock every night. I was up till three, too. I didn't get out of here until 12. You don't go to bed at 10 every night.

Legion of Skanks ends at 10 o'clock. All right, I go to bed at 11 on Monday nights. I go to bed. Do you really go to bed, you go to bed before midnight? It is so rare that I'm up past midnight. That sounds great. That's wild. I love it.

That sounds great. I went to bed at 9.40 p.m. last night. I haven't gone. 9.40? That's amazing. Nine! Nine! Nine!

Nine! We were going German. If I go to bed before, if I go to bed before We baby for going angle at two o'clock in the morning he was just going access of evil just he was Japanese I like it You're back, you're back. The team's back. Oh, we gotta kill the Jews. Ah, smooth, they're hitting the door with the fucking bullshit. Hit the can back. Hit the line, hit the genius. Spaghetti. He feeds you like an engine, I love it.

What is it like on New York Italians? Like y'all Hitler? Hey, buddy, Hitler, whatever you're doing with these death camps. Literally wrote my. Bro, if you can get the trains to run in Brooklyn the way you can with your fucking Jewish friends We got ourselves a little bit. I did I feel like Lewis has a toy

Hey not for nothing I had no problem with Jews, but that's between him and him hey Hitler Would you mind throwing in some Catholics and maybe some fucking blacks? Throw the ding dong bing back at us. He's not going to do that. I don't like ding dong bing. Ding dong doodle. If I go to bed before... The cow is so hungry! Oh, we must milk with the cows!

Mr. Reist, the cow is so hungry! What's your name? Ding dong dee! I told you ding dong ding. I told you it's a great fit. I want everyone's approval. We just want you to do it. Haircut. Yeah, thanks dude.

If I go to bed before 10 o'clock, I wake up at four o'clock in the morning. Hey, she did. Yeah, I wake up at four in the morning. Oh yeah. I'm like at that age where I just get up and now I'm by myself and I want to kill myself. I wake up at four and then I take a dab a huge dab bong hit

Then I go back to sleep I high-heel Hitler then I fucking breathe in the fresh Christian air I'm so jealous of you guys who get to smoke weed Smoke weed Bobby you're at the you're an aide now where you could you could probably do a colon cancer It doesn't matter. You're not gonna it's only your what foot is issue do it do an edible do like a five milligram edible. You'll fucking feel great, dude He just starts booting heroin within a week. We're like, yeah, I did it's not your eye and I want to be an asshole here But like you didn't we all everyone feels this about you. Yeah Nobody really respects that. What is nobody nobody and I mean this

Nobody respects your recovery. Is that true, Dan? None of us. You were like, Dan, is that true? 13, when you went in, there's no real addiction. I've, I've, I've. Joe, is that true? Joe, am I wrong or am I right, Joe?

I'm here to tell you. Is that true? It's all been pulled, every one of our phone calls. Dude, that's so funny, that's all we talk about? You go, how drunk do you get? You go like, how do you, you go, Hey guys, what are you drunk at 13? I roll. I don't know if you can see it. You got it. Yeah. You can't be in recovery before puberty. It's crazy. I'm currently a debilitated alcoholic. Like I drink every day. I should

be in recovery. You are a child. You didn't have enough time to really be addicted. I was fine. I say child. This is really projecting. This was Seinfeld's problem with Bobby. He was like, what, is that really recovering? Oh, come on, have a drink. You're an adult. I was five years sober before I was legally able to drink. That's so funny.

Yeah. What's the deal with recovery? Alcohol, though, if I do, You're not gonna drink it. I was violent, I was a fucking piece of shit. That sucked. You were a boy. I was never, I was never fucking piece of shit. That sucked. You were a boy. I was never bad, like weed.

You were going through puberty, that's why you were so violent. Yeah, weed though, you guys get to smoke weed. You think it was the alcohol that made you violent? Alcohol was bad, yeah. Well, it was getting abused too. Yeah, that's dead. All the fucking, getting the shit kicked out of me

all the time. Ah, dude, you drink because you're getting your ass kicked. You're getting your ass kicked because you drink. No, I drank because everybody. Tale's old as time, brother. I didn't drink because I got your ass kicked out of me all the time. Ah, dude, you drink because you're getting your ass kicked. You're getting your ass kicked because you drink. No, I drank because everybody. Pfft, tail's old as time, brother. I didn't drink because I got my ass kicked. I drank because of the... Probably has the same life story as Hemingway.

Ha ha ha ha. Louis, why don't you get sober? Sober, sober, Crusher? You know, there you go. I thought about getting sober. I'm thinking about getting genuinely three months sober before I do my next special. I told you. I stopped smoking weed like 10 days ago.

How you feeling? It's fucking my sleep up, dude. I can't. How are your dreams? Crazy dreams, right? Crazy vivid. Is it weed that makes you go to sleep? I would smoke a ton of weed and then fall asleep.

You're not eating late at night. Remember that? My joke. Yeah. That's my bit. I know. Is act like you don't know my act. I go I actually did that as a bit. What's the, what is the technical or scientific reason there must be an answer because everyone has the same story of why you dream so vividly. I remember when I started taking... Because you're destroying your brain, then you stop fucking with your brain. Yeah. No. I love his scientific answer. Well, yeah, his fucking sober nerd answer over here is like,

dude, because you're a moron, that's why. That's not an answer. That's not what he said. That's not what he said. That's not what he said. You're fucking your brain up. When I started taking Adderall, I started having extremely... Boring stories? Just kidding, I want to hear it.

Many people report suffering from extremely vivid and scary dreams when they stop smoking cannabis. This happens because cannabis can account for REM sleep suppression. Right, so that's what I was gonna say. You know what's crazy is I did have a scary dream last night that I was being chased by the alien, like from the movies, and it was fucking very vivid and very scary.

Which, from which movie? Aliens. Oh, because there's a lot of alien movies. And the alien. What if it was the alien from Spaceballs? That'd be fun. It's like, hello, my baby, hello, my darling. I'm just dancing with it.

This is very vivid. Hello, my ragtime gal. ET? I'm like, stop your little fat pudgy fuck. You know Dan Ferlman? Yeah. He's got a great joke about dreams. Stop fucking telling other people's jokes on the show, Joe.

Because you know no one cares about your dreams because no one ever tells somebody else's dream story. No one's ever like, did you hear about Pete's dream? That's a good bit. That's a good bit. Well, that was the same thing with Adderall. So I wouldn't, before I was on Adderall, my ADD was so bad that I would never get into REM sleep. My mind would always be spinning.

So when I started taking Adderall, I would get the first week, it was like the deepest sleep that I ever had in my entire life. And people were like, that's crazy. When I took Adderall, I'm like fucking up for days. And it helped my sleep and it helped my dream. Because you're ADHD. Yeah. Yeah.

Now you stopped taking it. Why'd you stop taking it? Because I almost killed Kurt Metzger. Which brings us back to the story. Full circle. Storytelling. Well, that was my whole synopsation. Well, what are you doing for your-

Synopsation. What are you doing for your ADHD now? Smoking fucking. Does weed help it? It doesn't help it. I would say it hurts it. I don't do anything. I think not being on medication is better for me.

I don't wanna just, I didn't like myself on Adderall. I was a fucking crazy person. It made you angry? Yeah, it was like on edge, like crazy. Makes you evil. There was like a four year, three year period where I was just fucking ready to go. I thought that was just you.

I did too. You guys were all friends with me in spite of that. That was very nice of you. I was genuinely like, ah, this is Lewis. Love him or leave him. I'm like, ah, ah, the sun. He's barking at the sun again. How do you feel in general off the weed?

I'm incredible. This is the longest I've gone in 26 years without getting high. Are you gonna stay off or are you going back on? Eventually I'd like to like smoke weed again, but not at the end of the day. Dan's a pothead, so here's what happens. When potheads go off like this,

where it's a tolerance break or just a break, it's not like, are you gonna stay off? Even though he'll tell you right now, like if he could step outside of his body, he'd go, this is the right answer. You shouldn't be smoking weed. But potheads are just thinking about that first smoke back and about how high you're going to get that first time back.

You're going to blast to the moon. I've already planned a playlist and a meal. I know what I want to watch. Do you know the day that you're going to smoke again? Probably June. Probably in June. That's a month you pothead. In June, Joe, I want to see how long I can go.

Okay, I don't want to go off on a rant here. You say you feel great right now. I feel a lot more present. So you want to not feel that way anymore? I don't know. So what made you want to stop smoking weed? I just felt fucking stupid and want to present, dude. I actually called Lewis and had a great conversation

with Lewis about it. Lewis was very, I don't know. I was super high. I don't remember. He was like, whatever you want to do, bro. Whatever dude down is up, up is dead. Yeah, bro. Fucking rip it. Why or don't you come don't know, man. I'll see you Monday. We're not there Monday, right? Yeah, I just felt retarded and I just wanted to stop. And also Alan was like, hey, you've been masking a lot of emotions, anger and pain with your weed use. And I was like, fuck.

Okay. Just smoke less. Don't do it. Don't do it at all, be a man. Yeah, it's also Natalie, fuck. Okay. Just smoke less. Don't do it. Don't do it at all, be a man. Yeah, it's also Natalie's place. Natalie. Natalie. Your clips.

Please if you guys could just share this clip, it would be really great for the show. Well, it's, because I have no vices anymore, I have nothing. I have cigars, but I'm not even doing that. Yeah, but it's like a, that's a pain in the ass vice sometimes, because it's a $20 cigar,

and you gotta sit there for an hour, and like a joint, you just smoke it and then you go. Probably is the only person. Well, you don't just go. You sit there and stare, and then you work. Yeah, but you're done in two seconds. What? A cigar is like a,

Yeah, you're not done in two seconds. With a blunt, dude, you smoke a blunt to the head. Blunts are awesome. Yeah. Cigars are fun, though. I don't like cigars. It makes me want to smoke cigarettes again. Cigars are fun. I like it. But it's not when you're alone on the road smoking a cigar in a lounge by yourself. Yeah. A little whiskey and a cigar is nice. When you go to your farm with Ding Dong Doo, who are you smoking a cigar with? With me.

I smoke a cigar. Well, you saying smoking a cigar by himself. Well, smoking a cigar with? With me, I smoke a cigar. Well, he's saying smoking a cigar by himself. Well, smoking a cigar by yourself, nature is beautiful. I love that Lewis's Asian just goes back and forth through all the Asians. Yeah. It's like T-1000 falling in the mountains. Oh, I caught a little Korean, I caught a little Cambodian.

So you're by yourself on the farm smoking a cigar? Yeah, well, Sarah came out after a while. I was smoking her the other day. My dad was out there. Does your dad smoke cigars with you ever? No. But you don't need someone to smoke a cigar with you. You don't need somebody to smoke a cigar with you,

but it's better. It's like when you're sitting and we just smoke, like when I go to your house and we let up a bat, it's nice. Everything's better with you. It is weird to do it by yourself. It's like heroin. Like if you're just like, I'm just going to do heroin while I'm sitting next to you watching a movie. Hey cool

It is very social hi, I want to smoke cigarettes so bad since I stopped smoking weed I miss cigarettes more Cigarettes, I'll never go back cigarettes a fucking stupid. They're coming back, right? Yeah, you know kids are starting smoking It's fucking cool, but they like back, right? Yeah, young kids are starting smoking, it's fucking cool. But they were almost gone for a hot minute. I just read or heard on a podcast that the height of teenage smoking was 1997 when we were all in high school. Oh shit, that was, yeah.

It was like 36% of kids were smoking. I did like smoking though, I loved fucking, I loved having my pack of butts. What was your pack? Going to the store. Oh, going, what was your smoke? I smoked, what are the American spirits at the end? I gave you all my cigarettes.

That was the fucking greatest. I woke up in the morning, I just got back from North Carolina, South Carolina, where cigarettes were like two dollars a pack. You had a carton of Parliaments for Dawn, and you had a carton of those black pink camels. Four. I know you did. I had four cartons.

You gave me three of them. Oh, like the camel crushes? Yeah. That's a very Bobby thing to have. It's like, dude, there's technology in a cigarette. Now it's a mint. It wasn't camel crushes. I didn't smoke it.

No, it was the black with pink linings. Camel clutch? Yeah, lion chic. Camel clutch. Bobby's doing this. I never give up smoking. I fuck you and make you a hamburger. That was the last time I smoked. I woke up and just said, I'm done. I gave them all my cartons and I never give up smoking. I fuck you and make you a hamburger. That was the last time I smoked.

I woke up and just said I'm done. I gave them all my cartons and I never smoked again. Did you ever smoke cigarettes? I was with Soda when he quit smoking on the way to social distortion. That was my last cigarette. You were with me. We were coming here. I was like what a phony asshole. He's not going to quit smoking. That was 11 years ago. I used to love waking up in the morning, getting my stupid New York cup of coffee,

getting the post or a newspaper, sitting on the stoop, just like smoking six bucks. Oh, rainy day? I used to smoke Camel Lights. Yeah, that was my shit. Camel fucking Lights, except the last I smoked, I used to fuck this waitress from one of the comedy clubs over here, this little blonde chick,

and whatever, she was hot as fuck, and we would like make out, she smoked Parliament, so we we'd make out and I just tasted it and I just, whatever it was, it just drove me crazy and then I got right back in. I love the chick who smoked when you make out with her smoky tongue. It's fucking so crazy. Remember those camel, little fat camels they made? Camel wides. Camel wides.

Loved them. I liked those too, man. Loved them. Had a brief affair with those. Mostly stayed Camelite. Bobby only does, at that time, only two extra wide products. Double stuffed Oreos, Camelite. Ah, man, you used to smoke cigarettes.

No. I always say that they got through to me well when I was a kid, the anti-smoking. I remember we did an exercise in elementary school where you held your nose and breathed through a straw. And they're like, this is what it's like to breathe if you're a smoker. That's not it. That's not at all. That exercise you're forgetting it. The exercise was that's what it's like

to have an asthma attack because we did the same exact exercise in health. Okay, well we grew up in different places. You're confusing it. You're confusing it. Listen, you didn't listen to him. You're wrong. You are. Lewis, who grew up without a dad is right. It doesn't make any sense. we went to school fucking 250 miles apart, I'm telling you. I bet you the health curriculum was very similar and I bet you that your mind is remembering it wrong because it's not what it's like to smoke a cigarette.

What it's like to smoke a cigarette is fucking awesome. Not smoke a cigarette, be a smoker. Lewis should, he could sell anything. I know, what do you work for, Big Tobacco? Yeah, you fucking carny asshole, shut up. Dude, miss cigarettes. What a weird thing to be upset about. No, just pissing me off, dude.

Coffee and a cigarette? Fuck, anyways, yeah. Do you like these, though? No, I, it's nicotine. I love that Bobby just said he has no vices. He's busting out a fucking tin of whatever this is. Bobby's the only person that I know that actually has two vices in his workshop in his shed.

He does. Actual vices. Right, but it doesn't make me. It's not humorous. We got it. We heard you. Bobby's like, I have no vices. I just bought 14 machine guns last week.

I'm looking for a new one. I'm looking for something that sticks. But weed would be, if I could go back to anyone. Because I love, you know me, I like that there's so much paraphernalia. The bongs, the technology. It's also like a, it's like a whole thing when you do it. You know, the bowl, you like sit around. Yeah, they got the new thing, the electronic thing that you flip over and it shoots stuff

into your face. When I grew up, I had smoked weed, stuff into your face. It's a whole cold When I grew I have smoke weed was just weed it wasn't you guys have all these you had to pick sticks and stems out It was yeah, it was sucked It was like when I was a kid a nickel bag was a nickel and a dime bag was a dime How much condoms were I don't know we didn't use them. I Feel the same way. Oh, I remember that the guy cliff at what was that comedy club? It's still there, but 20 year old no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,, the guy Cliff at, what was that comedy club? It's still there, but. The fucking 20 year old technology. Nobody uses this horse shit anymore.

What is it? Literally nobody uses this anymore. It sucks. What's the new technology? None of these things are used. What's the new one? We all figured out that if you're gonna try to vape anything, you're gonna vape distillates and concentrates.

They are vape. It looks real, it looks like real drugs. Nobody vapes fucking dry weed anymore. God, I loved the volcano though, when it came out when I was in college. The $600 piece ofes fucking dry weed anymore. God, I loved the volcano though when it came out when I was a 600 dollar piece of equipment that nobody uses anymore. I would do that. We eat. I love it. Like Jay, I'll go with him to the weed store and all the little different colored metal jars. Oh, you get to the little, you get to go through and be like, how's this going to make me? Yeah, you know, I've been to that one week relapse

on weed. I'm in, let's do it. Skank that. Wait, wait for me. Let me go? Yeah, you know be into that. Let's do a one-week relapse on weed. I'm in let's do it skank That's what I think that way for me. Let me go. Well you guys That would be a show dude fucking foot did stone rags stone rags stone rags it would be charts Stoned rags would just be me and you just be me and you talking down Bobby and joke they can't handle the weed Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, the book it again fuck Bobby's like I just want to eat everything everything fucking stomachs gonna rip open that hat looks so tasty I need to go back and get me a salad that hat looks I think can't follow that call it dregs drugs and reg regs combined. Thank you for yeah. Is there is there any path? Is there any path to the

stone dregs? I mean, brother, you know, I'm just taking a couple months off. I'm just saying like, brother, you know, I'm gonna throw a number. I'm taking a little sabbatical. Listen, me, I'll be back. Don't you worry. I'm going to be back. Get ripped. It's faster than you can count. You're interested. I'm interested. Is there a number that you would get stoned on the regs at Skankfest? Last show the weekend, Sunday, we do the fucking regs live. I have a gig on that. What's your number? What's your number? I want to hear his number first.

Well, what's your number? What are you thinking? What are you coming out of the gate with? For what? Money? Money. Yeah, what's your number? $20,000 each. Jesus Christ, I'll do heroin.

$20,000? $20,000 each. 20K, I'll fucking drink again. I'm gonna fuck. I'll drink and smoke cigarettes and I'll fuck Bobby. I'll suck Jim Norton's wife off on stage. Oh my God, dude. Fuck his stone regs.

We'll have gay sex regs for $20,000. I'm a hooker. $20,000? $20,000 and I'll have sex with your girlfriend. And I'll kill both of you. Not yours. No, I was talking to him. Yours would be 40.

Jesus. What are you saying? I'm joking. What'd you say? I'm sorry. Slapping you in the fucking mouth. 20,000 is too low. Too low for a smoke a couple of hits of a joint? It's fucking 37 years of sobriety. It's not real. You know that's not a real thing. Why don't you go... It doesn't matter. The numbers are arbitrary. How long have you not been on drugs? If you're not getting high, you're not getting high. You're fine. 37 years, one day.

How long? 11 years, 11 years. 11 years. So you pay me more because I have more sobriety days. 20, because I think there's a path to getting a sponsor to pay you guys $20,000 each. $20,000 is not enough. Not enough. What's the number, Joe?

It's gotta be at least six figures. Six figures to get stoned? Yes. Yeah. It's awesome to get stoned. What if we ruin our lives after that and everything goes away? At least Max and Don will have fucking some cash.

Not with six figures, that's not gonna change their life. Darn it, Darn it, 175. Are you familiar with inflation? That ain't gonna do a goddamn thing. What do you think they're getting now? $20,000 is what we should get to do Skankfest. True dat. That's true.

I like that. True dat. I like what you're saying. True it. Now this is me focused, clear headed, on money, like that idea. 30,000? I don't think anyone's going to pay you guys $100,000 to get by. This is a decent proposal.

If I got $200,000 I'd get Opie and Anthony back together at Skagfest. My God, dude. You can get Anthony to marry a black lady. She drives me crazy. Guys, sheath underwear. The heat is coming. Get some sheath so your bag can be cool. Yeah, they have the best underwear on the market. The best styles, the best colors, the best feeling.

I'm wearing sheets. I always wear sheets. It doesn't even feel like you're wearing underwear. They form fit everything, they keep it every, and the dual pouch technology, it makes you look like a fucking underwear model. They put your dick through the pouch, put your balls in the pouch,

you got this nice back package. What do you like? Because I'm chubby, the elastic. It's a heavy duty elastic. I like adjusting it the way Hulk Hogan used to pick up. Oh yeah, I bring it up, so it's kinda like a spank. Yeah, the ice it sucks it in.

It keeps your shit in. I don't want you to see my weird belly button. There's nothing worse than shitty underwear and it folds over. Oh dude, your stomach's. Sheep is the best underwear. It feels like you're not even wearing underwear. The way your dick goes in, it holds your balls.

It's perfect. I like to pull it up like a spank. Well you just said that. I know, I just said that. I don't do it a bit. It's a good bit. No, Robert Patton, our buddy, Robert Patton, Army veteran, Iraq veteran, poor of the veterans. Great.

Love that. Bobby usually hates the troops, but this one he likes. I love the troops more than you. You hate the troops. You're a liberal. Bobby's anti-American. You voted Obama and Biden. Nope.

Yeah, you're voting Biden now. I'm not voting. You love fucking AOC. You see those cans? Sorry. So check out she's underwear calm the underwear of legend eating on the bucket yelling I was eating and then you made me mad but you stupid thing cheat on the way I love me do I rack twice the underwear of legend we should go

right now the underwear of legends if you are using a promo code regs you're gonna get 20% off once more that I'm like 20 1 5th once more that sheathed underwear comm promo code regs for 20% off good episode great episode I would say where's that coffee though it's 200 200 200,000 put a thousand be nice 200,000 200 K to stuff to call some people first to smoke weed You know big that episode be though shit. Oh my god I'm telling you right now. You guys would fucking freak. You don't know how powerful weed is now No, I did Midnight Run that was a show when you got high and I remember just being like I can't do I was like

You guys hate me. I saw It was right when macho man died and they wanted me to do macho man and I got really high backstage I was doing macho man and The blood rushed to my head and I was about to pass out and I was like dude if I collapse wearing these sunglasses You'd be like yeah another Fuck I remember freaking out freak out freak out. I just saw you do, Anthony posted a clip of you on his show doing. That was a lot, yeah, that was a long time ago. Funny.

It was like 10 years ago. Like Anthony, stop posting clips of us. Yeah. You go, cool, cool, cool. Cool, yeah. Hey. It's been a while. That's hilarious.

So do I, it must have been quite a while ago. I don't know anything about that. That was definitely before I had any of my current sponsors on my podcast. Yikes. Through the room. What is that? What is that?

This is in the room at the mothership. Oh, the smelling salts? Yeah, the smelling salts. They did that on Rogan. They all did it. What's the reason they do it? It's to wake you up? Yeah, when you're working out or I guess you, yeah.

Joe loves fucking. It's also if you have gay sex, isn't it on those poppers? You know what it is? It's fucked up though. Yeah, like in JFK. She taught me that. It's fucked up. Yeah.

Anal nitrate, no, that's different, but. Don't do it, don't. Why? Don't just. So I can't smell. You think Joe Rogan can do something I can't do? Are you out of your fucking mind? That's how Lewis lives his life.

Don't listen to me. Don't fucking do it. the goals. Don't you Joe Rogan can do something that I can't do Everything's Joe Rogan can do that. I can't do yeah Success is one of them. Yeah, come on, dude. I know that was mean. I'm sorry I thought actually genuinely felt bad when I said 135 thousand dollars more than 135 thousand. Look seriously read the directions Don't just do it. No, just do it. No, don't read anything. Put your nose all the way in. Read the fucking directions. Don't don't do it. When I was at comedy mothership, I can't

smell and they were like, Oh, you should do it. You know what? I'll just go. It smells like Kelly Fiske pussy. I do. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. I was just trying to tell you guys a story and you didn't listen so you could suck do it. Dan, confirm, Kelly, if it's the way you're supposed to. I was just trying to tell you guys a story, and you didn't listen, so you could suck my dick. I'm not doing the smell. Thanks, Danny. Thank you, Spidey. I've been in the room the whole room.

Thank you, Danny. Do you guys smell in this? No, it's only in there. You can only smell it from there. That's good, that's good. You're supposed to go like this, like that. Good. Let me see the packet.

What are the directions on? Four inches away. Twist, sniff, perform. Open it a little bit, don't open the whole way. For focus, energy, strength. Focus, energy, strength. Partially open cap. Bottle 2 to 4 inches from nose. Replace cap after use.

Store below. Keep away from children and avoid contact with eyes and mouth. Accidental ingestion occurs. Flush thoroughly with water. Do not use if allergic or pregnant. So, Louis, you have to put that down because you're pregnant so you came in you crack it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah they say sniff hard no no no you shouldn't get hard when you sniff you can smell it from here Natalie smell

for her but she also has lesbian nostrils orange so I can't smell and they were like when I was at comedy mothership they were like oh you should do this I want to see if you can't smell, and they were like, when I was at Comedy Mother's ship, they were like, oh, you should do this. I want to see if you can't smell. So I put it to my nose, and it fucking hit me. I couldn't smell it, but when it hit me, it was the same when I smelled ammonia when I worked in Alaska. That's what it literally smells like, is ammonia.

Yeah. Chris Smith performed. The hardest part for Lewis is going to be perform. Don't be an asshole. Hey. Don't be an asshole. Don't get sad, dude. Hey, listen, what if I become the best comedian

ever? You guys ever notice what's going on with this? Is this stringing together the most brilliant bits ever? You start touring with Seinfeld and Mulaney? Alright, hit it. Take a hit. Go, do it. Partially open. No. It hurts, don't it? That one hurt. Joe. I I can't I can't participate drugs idiot let me see twist sniff perform four inches away two to four inches yeah like that go yeah they got a sniff sniff Are you crazy? Oh my god help us available Hey, if you're one of us I knew it give it to me I four inches away, but don't Don't like it I can't smell it but it got in my nose. I remember one time I gave my cat hot Chinese oil Getting it cuz the cap went off. My fucking eye. It's in my mouth. I got a flush.

Oh man. Danny, take a big rip. Maybe it cures all of his autism. It would be funny if he was just normal. Oh dude, he started, we look back, he's making out with Natalie. I'm like, damn, that's nuts. But how funny would it be if it killed him? He was allergic, he's just dead.

We've got to hide his body. Oh man, oh fuck, oh fuck, I quit smoking weed in this app and oh fuck. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh

fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. We gotta hide his body. Oh man, oh fuck, oh fuck, I quit smoking weed in this app and oh fuck, I'm fucking doing this wrong with the river, put him in the fucking river dude. Joe, where's that farm in Virginia? You gotta tell me where the farm in Virginia is. Like that's where we put the body? I Googled can an addict do smelling salts and up came the suicide hotline.

Can an addict do smelling salts and that's why this is. Can a producer do smelling salts? And up came the suicide hotline. Can an addict do smelling salts? And that's why this is happening. Can a producer do comedy? Good. You know what, that was perfect, the way you put your sunglasses on. My head is, that's crazy shit, right? I don't really understand what it's for.

It's for when you're supposed to work out, and it gives you a fucking... Wait, y'all jacked up. All the hockey players do it right before the game. Really? Not all of them, but... Yeah, you get fucking ripped up. I, yeah, all right. Yeah, it didn't them, but yeah, you get fucking ripped up. I

Know all right. Yeah, it didn't do that to me. It just hurt my nose. Oh No, he sound it just hurt my nose my nose is had But that's gonna get you ready for your day of fucking broadcasting Broad she drives me crazy Should we do some plugs where like half way? Oh yeah, yeah. Plug it up.

Let's bring it up. Plug it in. Plug it in. Plug it in. Bring up everybody first. This show is brought to you by Glade Plug-in. I will be in Buffalo, April 25th through the 27th. Hang on, I'll read it right here.

Here we go. Joe List everybody. Joe List will be in Buffalo, the, what is it, South Burlington, Vermont. Is that done? That's Friday. That's Friday, so we're not gonna, are we doing, we're not live, right?

No, this comes out next. Buffalo, 25th, 26th. Buffalo, 25th, 26th. 27th, and he's going to Los Angeles at the Regent Theater on the 2nd for the Netflix Festival. Indianapolis moved. The 9th, 10th, and 11th.

That moved, sorry. All right, so that's gone. The 16th. St. Louis. St. Louis, he's gonna be there through the 18th, and then the 7th, the 7th, and the 8th, Tenth and Eleventh. Alright, so that's gone. The St. Louis. St. Louis is going to be there through the 18th and then the 7th and the 8th. He's going to be in Salt Lake City at Wise Guys. Love that club. Oh the crocodile. The club is fucking great.

July 25th in Seattle, the crocodile. Nice. And American Comedy Company December 5th. I got to fill in some dates. I got Atlanta in June. I got Salt Lake City in June. You alright baby? We got Dan Lewis J Gomez. He's city in June. You're right, baby Louis J Gomez he's gonna be change the toy date American Comedy Company American Comedy Club in

San Diego April 25th 26th and 27th You can catch him at the Denver improv Denver mile-high city May 3rd and 4 such a radio guy And you're listening to you're listening to the regs wise guys, Las Vegas May 24th and 4th. Such a radio guy. And you're listening to the regs. Wise Guys, Las Vegas, May 24th and 25th. And then Uncle Vinny's in June, June 21st and 22nd. I'm going to go hang myself again. Where's the howling wolf? It's your munch box.

So check out Louis J Gomez. Check out his website. And make sure you get tickets to Skank Fest. Are those available now? Skank Fest, they'll be available Monday. Oh yeah, 420. You're 420. They're available right now. Go get your tickets. They'll be sold out. No, next Monday. Next Monday. When does this come out? Coming out. 420. Tickets are available on April 20th. Go to you'llcreative.com slash skankfest.

Dance show to DC Improv. I love the fucking, saying the website. Let me just do the plug. I can't hear. All right, chill. I can't hear. And you want him to do drugs. Go to yokeradom.com slash skankfest or grab your tickets at 12 noon Eastern on April 20th,

because they will sell out. So get them. You have any announcements you can make? This comes out next Wednesday, so yeah. I'll make an announcement. Well, I mean, the line up's out. You guys see the line up? We got some fucking great comics.

Tell us. I'll tell you guys after this one. It's already gonna, we're already gonna know. They're all big ones, they're all great. We can't, why can't you tell us one? They're already gonna know. You, you're coming. I wanna know.

They're coming. There's some people that I, the reason I'm not saying it is because I have to actually have pen to Paper. Oh, yeah, so I don't want to say it and then it doesn't fucking contract ain't signed Yeah, that'd be a little irresponsible. Are we gonna be excited? It's the biggest lineup we've ever done But I'm excited I'm excited to find a bunch of people that are coming back that have been in a couple years a bunch of people It's their first time a bunch of the regular fucking people that are there every year

It's the best is there anybody coming that wouldn't come to Skankfest, but because it's so good now, they're like, fuck it, I'm coming? Yes. Wow, okay. Yeah. Great. Dan Soda, Disney improv.

Go down to Dr. Grin's, everything sold. Dr. Grin's. Wait, wait, wait, what, what? Those are all sold out. Wow! Dr. Grin's, Grand Rapids. How does that feel? Pretty good.

It's the first time, honestly, scary, because I know it's going to go away. May 16th through the 18th. No way to live. That's that feel? Pretty good. It's the first time, honestly, scary. Because I know it's gonna go away. May 16th through the 18th. That's a shit way to live. Okay, well, I'm trying to fix a lot of stuff, guys. Shouldn't be scary. It's gonna be great. It's amazing that you sold out weeks ahead of time.

You could just go and it's all fans. Yeah, it's awesome. You know the check you're getting. I'm very, very excited. DC and Providence. Providence. You're probably paying a lot more than $ very, very excited. DC and Providence. Providence. You're probably paying a lot more than $130,000 in taxes.

That's for motherfuckers. I'm sure motherfuckers. But I'm going to be in Grand Rapids, Michigan, at Dr. Grin's the May 16th through the 18th. Great club. And then I'm going to be at Columbus Funny Bone May 31st and June 1st. And then I will be on the fully loaded tour with Bert Kreischer

for three weeks. Nice. With Big J. Are you not gonna do pot on that? No, you will be doing pot on that. Oh yeah, you're smoking pot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that comes in June. I'm cleaning up until then.

All right, go to danzoda.com for all his tickets and. Where's Bobby's? Should we, no we should. We gotta plug yours, dude. No, I know, but we have another announcement. I uh... No we should... We gotta plug yours dude. No I know but we have another announcement I don't think we should make it right? Bobby Kelly is gonna be in Lafayette, Louisiana April 19th through the 20th at Club 337 and then Boston, Massachusetts he's coming home. Laugh Boston the 26th and the 27th.

One of my favorite clubs. And then check him out in Sarasota, Florida at McCurdy's Comedy May 3rd and 4th and the 27th One of my favorite clubs and then check him out in Sarasota, Florida at McCurdy's Comedy May 3rd and 4th and finally at the red clay Comedy Festival at the Earl May 11th He's also gonna be doing a live bone to pick with Paul Verzi and we're gonna be out During the Netflix Comedy Festival with live bonfire the whole crews coming out will be out there all week Oh LA studios you have you better no, No, not yet. They're fucking amazing. Yeah, we're gonna be doing, we're gonna actually have fans come in,

so it's gonna be great. Oh you guys are doing it in the garage. In the garage. That's sick. So it's gonna be great, so make sure you check that out. And should we tell the, no right? Yeah, why not?

All right, go ahead. It's official. You do it. Yeah, we're doing the first ever live regs. Ooh! There you go, live regs. August 15th, Cape Cod, we're coming to you. Melody tent.

One show, one show only, right in the middle of the summer, the regs are coming down, so make sure you get your tickets now. And this is a live stand-up, so we're all doing stand-up, we're gonna fuck around on stage at the end. At the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we'll come out and suck each other's dicks,

we'll do a lemon party at the end. We're just gonna do a, I was gonna do a human centipede with you guys. I call middle, so we get to enjoy both. Where's Joe? He's at the back. Oh yeah, Joe has to be at the front. I was gonna do a human centipede with you guys. I call middle so I can enjoy both. Use it the back. Oh yeah, Joe has to be at the front. No, I just want herpes.

Yeah, Joe's not gonna be able to get, well the problem is his mouth is too small for me to shit into his mouth. I'm gonna have to fucking take some sort of fucking stool softener just to get it in there. She just me crazy. There you go, right there. Cape Cod Melody 10, it's a big, big venue.

Why would you guys never use that fucking headshot of mine? I mean, mine's so old, that was when I still drank. I have a stye in the headshot, look at it. There was a text thread and you said yes to that. You said yes to that photo. I literally have all of the production team blocked. I was still on the weee. So I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about.

There's this text thread that you said yes. So there you go, that going to be a great show. I can't wait. Yeah. I hope for Dane Cook there. July 1st, 2004. That's sick. Yeah. Some guy in the middle of my set went, hey, where's Dane? And I went, he's in the back. And then I was like, he'll be out in like 10 minutes. And then everyone went, yeah, I was very I was only four years in.

I was 22. It's very funny. It's a pretty's very funny it's pretty good comeback where's Dane the back oh Karen first guest what the fuck she comes no dude stop you better not he's just fucking around come on up Karen who did buzz though that's weird it's probably a pat they somebody go Danny go find out make sure nobody's coming in here. If it's Karen, punch her directly in the nose. Yeah, grab her hair like that guy did in the video. Wild, from the guy from Stern?

Did you see that? No, he's not from, she's from Stern. I didn't see it. He's not from, he's like supposedly a billionaire guy that she was banging to get money, and then she live blogs all the time, and I guess he cheated on her, and then she doxed him and the girl on a live feed

and then the girl, she was in the car with him just hitting him, hitting him, smacking him. Can we see it? Yeah, he's gonna bring it up now. You got that video? And brother, did he reach a bowling point? So she was punching him and all that shit. I think I saw this girl and a guy in a car.

And then she smacked him in the fucking nose. And he goes, you almost broke my nose. He goes, you do that again. He goes, you do that again. And he goes, you hit me again. Here it is right here. Yeah, she used to work for Stern. She used to date Benji. Okay.

Yeah, so. She's pretty hot. Yeah. Pretty toy. Can you turn the volume up? So he's a dweebazoid. But he's supposed to have money, apparently. Oh, right there.

Imagine her doing that to Louis. I'm getting turned on right now. This is my type of bitch. She's going to be our first guest. I want to hear it. She's on the phone. She's talking to the girl. The girl that he cheated on her with is on the live feed, and she has to, she keeps having to donate five dollar super chats and she's putting stuff up

Get the unedited video, what are you doing? She's thinking about it Hang up these idiots that she posted your fucking number in their cancer discord. And I would just be polite. Really, sir? Uh, yeah. Here it is. Punch me in the fucking dick, you dumbass bitch.

I'll fucking dick you. Yes. I don't want women to be hit, but I'm, I'm, everything's happening, I love it all. Just put a dumb ass in the middle of a shriek session. Can you choose to leave the address in the chat? Does he have an accent or is he retarded? He's retarded.

He's retarded. I would stop talking about, oh, you're a f***ing, in the middle of a street dancing. Yeah, Sarah, I heard you had a kid when you were 16. She just donated $5. And he said you're a dumb Mexican. And he said you keep showing up and he said, you won't stop texting.

Oh, she's racist too. Pause it. So what's cool about this video is we're gonna watch a girl get punched. She'll get punched. We'll see. It's worse. Just watch.

Okay, well whatever it is, it doesn't, she's so unlikable. I know. That it just, this guy's gonna probably be fine. After this. I know. Let's see. I have no idea what happens.

I'm excited. This is my favorite. I've never seen. She's my type. This is literally, I know. Lewis is gonna jack off to this when he gets home. This right here is the type of woman that I have no idea what happens. I'm excited. She's my type. This is the type of woman that I have dated that I am dating. This goes and her full name is what? How could I find her? She's hot. She's pretty hot. Yeah, totally great body to probably you see yourself. Yeah, look right here. Look look right there watch it pinching his ear It's also funny that he's like it's like it's a his little brother he's like did you eat my fucking It's also funny to go from like that like Dom we were like this little piece of shit

understands ago like Like please no You know what he literally he he tried to do like the marine So he had a fight like a black chick yeah, it really is this looks like a world star video We're gonna space right look at the calm confidence on his face. He's like now now I have to kill you good She's people the horn He's check she's beeping the horn he's trying oh shit he drags her out of the car he's pulling her out of the car like it's his bad kid yeah he goes I told you you're gonna do your chores not the shirt I mean he's so

rageful he knows he's on camera too it's just like you I mean, he's so rageful. He knows he's on camera too. It's just like you let go completely. He's going, no, no, no, no, now I have to fucking kill you, bitch, because it's over for me. Now I have to actually make it worth it. And she gets out and runs. She gets hit by a car. Her lips over.

Oh, god. Oh, god. She ran into somebody else's car. Started hitting that guy. Is there a video from her after this? Has she posted anything about this? What is it? This is everywhere.

She got arrested. She got arrested? She got arrested for assault. No way. She assaulted him. Yeah. Yeah, she assaulted him. And he was in a car, and she wouldn't let him out,

and he was like, pull over, and then fucking. So she hasn't responded, she hasn't put up a video. Can we see other pictures of her, in bikinis, preferably? God, dude. She's very- Eliza, what's her name? Elisa? Responded she hasn't put up a video. We see other pictures of her in bikinis preferable She's very Eliza, what's her name? Bring up pictures of her in a bikini. Well, just type in nude her name nude Is she nude? So she dated Benji from the Howard Stern show and then she does like financial domination She dated Andy dick to she's one of those wild. She's one of those

You date Andy dick you're out of your goddamn mind. She has a type, because Benji and Andy Dick sort of look similar, right? Yeah, and that guy too. That guy is fucking not. So she likes nerds that she can dominate. She likes nerds with money. Look at Joe.

Oh my God, I can see it growing in his pants. She likes nerds with money. So she, pull up her Instagram, because that's going to be her at her best. That's what she posts of herself. Find her Instagram, but she's got. Go to her tag photos because that's gonna be her at her best. That's what she posts of herself. Find her Instagram, but she's got- Go to her tagged photos, that's the real her. Good call.

You always go to the tagged photos. Jo's a rapist. There he is, a rape. Oh my God, yes. She's staked that. Oh my God, look at that. But that was back in the day, remember when a little tiny ass like that

was what we wanted on? Oh, in the mid aughtughts? Remember mid-aught ass? Click on it so we can see her ass. I know, what are we doing? Who is behind the computer? Who is it? Think about this. Why wouldn't we want to see a larger image instead of a hundred small images? How many times have I told you? Why would I'm just from a logical standpoint? I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong. No, he's doing something wrong. I'm just saying get there, logically. You know what I call Max?

He's gonna pull your hair. You better pull the car over. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I call Max Min, minimum. Minimum effort fucking Max over there. Max Steggs. Yeah dude, look at her. Oh yeah.

Is that blood on the door handle? I hope not. No, I think it's just chipped away because that's where people grab the same spot every time. It's one of those things that's funny. No, that's blood, dude. Yeah, then she went. She was just rubbing her pussy on that door handle? I hope it. No, I think it's just chipped away because that's where people grab the same spot every time. It's one of those things that's funny. No, that's blood, dude. Yeah, then she went to- She was just rubbing her pussy on that door handle.

She went to Andy Dick after that and then she went to this guy. Apparently this guy has a billion dollars. But there is a video of him on the live feed. She live feeds everything. She's at the mall, she's live feeding. Cool, cool. She's like trying to get the super chats.

That's why Bobby followed us there. He heard there was live feeding. She looks like she's on drugs by her eyeballs there. Yeah, she looks like she's on a lot of drugs. And so she just financially dominates this guy? Well, no, he actually, the video before that, when he was on, he was going after the trolls that were attacking him for being with her.

Because all these guys are like, why are you with this fucking piece of shit? And he's got like some black thing between his teeth and he's not that good-looking and he was attacked I got a fucking billion dollars and I have money fuck all that and he was telling her to shut up he's a hand job too he's a hand job too hand job big hand you and he's yelling at her shut the fuck up you know and she was just taking it so then when she found out that he cheated on her she bopped

him she fucking went live all day and with the girl and doxed him, put on a Discord, all his information. Went live with the girl? Was that the girl she was talking to? That was her. And she was on a live feed. That was a live feed. This is your dream woman.

This girl rules. Yeah, she was getting super chats. She could've ruined me. Yeah, don't wind up with her. Louis would be like, don't even live chat. I'm telling you not to live chat. I don't pull hair. You have to do nothing where you punch me in the nose. Give me a little boop.

Give me a boop on my snoot. I'm a bad boy. Give me a boop on my snoot. Oh, can I put on glasses so it hurts more? I like this. Have you had girls hit you like that? Yeah. Oh my God.

Yeah. I mean I can't say I haven't fantasized about doing that to Don on the way up to the tiny house. We have to stop. I got a piece. Pull over. Elisa Jordana. Arrested. Rumor.

Possession of child porn. What? No, that's bullshit. Which guy? Sioux Police arrested man in possession of child porn. Oh, Jesus Christ. He wrote a manifesto detailing dozens of sexual crimes. We called it a boy of festo That is fun. If you're the cop you have to go like this you have to go that's good

That was fucking brilliant. Yeah, that was fast and brilliant. Stewart is a funny town for a pedophile to live in Stewart Yeah, dozens of sexual crimes spanning four decades. She just ratted him out. Turning himself, turning himself out. This is from 2023. Oh really? This is her ex-boyfriend.

She just dates fucking like. Pieces of shit. Yeah, she's trouble. She's the common denominator. You've never hit a girl back though. No. You just took it. I wouldn't say it on the show.

Yeah. Yeah Bobby, I punched a bitch right in the face. Just please for a very funny edit, do a fast cut so it looks like a lot was edited out. Yeah. So, Louis Luthor goes, when did you take out all that stuff about my technique, how I put force off my back foot?

I've never, I never hit a woman in my entire life. My mom used to fuck me up, never put my hands on my mom. I was just taught not to hit women. women. I was just taught to take it. But when you see that guy grab her hair, you know where he is mentally. Yeah, no, you, look, I've had situations, on YKDBD, that porn bitch who tried to punch me. Like, literally, I could see if there was no cameras on,

and she punched me in the face. I was holding the cameras. I would have punched her. Do it so funny as she was holding the cameras. I went up. Do it so funny she was holding a paint. I don't know if I would have been able to stop myself from, but she wasn't a woman. She was a prostitute.

She had a painting in front of her. I mean, no, because for the feed, we couldn't have her tits out, so I had what's it named by a piece of art from CVS that she had to hold up. So during the fight, she had to hold the painting up over her tits so we could we can That was wild. It was fucking crazy. It was crazy, but you were very calm

Yeah, she was threatening to punch me in the face, but I was like, all right bitch punch me in the fucking face I don't know about you're doing the funniest thing you're going fucking cameras. You're going like this. You're going you're a hooker It was driving her nuts You're a fucking hooker. She was a porn star. I'm not, I ain't no hooker. Well, then I was trying to logically bring it down. I was like, give me the definition of a hooker. God damn it, dude. What year was that?

It was like 2017, 20, earlier than that, even 2014 maybe. Oh, it was later. It was Christmas. We can look it up. Tim Dillon was here. On that episode, no. Pretty sure that was him. Yeah, it was a Yankee swap. It was a Yankee swap. It was a Yankee swap. You can look it up. Tim Dillon was here. On that episode, no. Pretty sure that was. Yeah, it was. It was a.

It was a Yankee swap. It was a Yankee swap. It was a Yankee swap, you can look it up. And she was one of the prizes. Remember the year before we had the trans black girl? Yeah. And that was, who won that? Was that you?

I think that was you, you won. I probably never won a black trans girl. She's still working. I gotta work on the cotton fields at the McGillis-Morris. Taking James to school. He's like, bye, Nanny. No, I think Tim Dillon was on the fight. Maybe.

But that bitch was fucking bonkers. That was a crazy episode. I would say that was like 2019. No. I think Joe's right. It was either 2018 or 2019. No, I'm telling you it wasn't. You can look at it.

I know for a fact it was before Skankfest existed. Interesting. What was the first year of Skankfest? 2016. That was in Brooklyn, right? Yeah. No, it was before Skankfest existed. Interesting. What was the first year of Skankfest? 2016. That was in Brooklyn, right? Yeah, no, it was at the Creek in the Cave. Oh, Creek in the Cave, that was a fun one. Queens.

That was a fun one. He had no fucking times. Yeah. Is it 2017, the disruption of the episode was Bobby and guest Luis Gomez dance out or whatever? Luis Gomez it says? And it says something about topless aggression from 2017. That's it. Yeah, topless aggression, that's 2017. 2017, that's it says? And it says something about topless aggression from 2017.

That's it. Yeah, topless aggression. That's 2017. That's it. Was Tim Dillon on that one, or was that a later one? Liz was. Liz. Oh, that's right.

What a great person to have on that for fucking control. Liz was trying to break it up. Yeah. Liz was like, this is a Friday night. Dan and Joe just scurried. Per-huge. Yeah, per-huge. You just scurry into a corner.

Joe was bling. In yellow directions. Joe was blinking, I was trying to make everyone happy. I was like, we're a family! We're a family! I'm not gonna get in a fight between I'm not gonna, yeah. Lewis and a prostitute. A hooker and Lewis?

He was a porn star, a porn star. Lewis calling a porn star a hooker? It was two Puerto Ricans fighting, no Spanish. You know how confusing that is? That's the biggest I've ever seen in your mouth. Thanks. This is the perfect time to stop the episode. No, no, we got a half hour left. No, we have a 75% lull every time and that's fine.

You could have a lull. Yeah, can we just have a little lull? Have a lull. Lullaby. We reset. There's a lot of things that are going on. Have you ever dated an aggressive girl? You always just date regular chicks. An aggressive girl?

Yeah, like I've dated girls. I had a girl that scratched me in the face one night. No. I had a girl that. That's a psycho. Yeah, I've dated psychos. I want nothing to do with that. I've dated crazy.

It was a cat. Yeah. I was. That was before Bobby's sobriety. Yeah, you got this drunk. I want nothing to do with that. I've dated crazy. It was a cat. Yeah. Raaar! That was before Bobby's sobriety. Yeah, you got this drunk 13 year old with a cat. She scratched me in the face, I said the gayest thing. I was like, hey, I have a show tonight.

That's so fucking funny. I can't go on stage like this. I need stage makeup. Yeah, no I do. Have you ever dated an aggressive girl? No. I don't think so. No. No. I don't bring it up. I think it's not just the girl, it's the guy. Have you ever dated an aggressive girl? No. I don't think so. No.

No. I don't bring it up. I think it's not just the girl, it's the guy. It is the guy. Because I've dated like, myself, women that just try to tackle it. Beatrice is the most normal person in the world. And you just like, I mean, there's just like,

you can cut the scenes in our relationship. Where she's like, aah! Ah! Ah! Ah! She has a gray streak like rogue now because of you. Yeah, these bitches are fucking crazy, dude. You cheat on them, you hide it. She has a gray streak like rogue now because of you. These bitches are fucking crazy dude.

You cheat on them, you hide it, they find it. Dude I love it. You just gas like the fuck out of them and then they're like. That's the thing you can gaslight a girl into being your violent criminal. I've had Don attack me. Don tried to attack me in LA once. We got into a big fight and I was cooking chicken and I threw that I went to throw I was like I Went to throw the chicken off the balcony and I threw it. So, you know Bobby's mad

Yeah, I'll get rid of my food. I'll get rid of this food. That's equivalent to Bobby killing himself and Bobby's defense He thought it would fly That's all right. But you see how I do want to laugh like I want You're pulling on your dick. You go, I'm trying to get it hard. It just doesn't do it for me. I smacked her. I threw the chicken and hit her right in the face. That's funny.

Did it make a sound? It slapped. Like I slapped her in the face. She went like that and then slid down her face. And she came at me. She went, you mother fucker. She kept calling me kid. I had a lion with all my weight.

That guy was fat at the time. I was just holding her down. She was going, kid, get off. It's funny to hear her out of breath, go, I'm gonna fucking kill you, kid. I'm gonna fucking, Jesus Christ, I can't breathe. Bok, bok, bok, bok, boing. It takes a lot, though.

To get Dawn mad, it takes a fucking lot. Is she one of those people where when you get her mad, finally it's like annihilation anger? When I get her mad, I fucked up. Immediately, I'm like, I'm sorry, I feel it. Because she never gets mad. She buries it. My stepdad was the, like my first stepdad

was the sweetest, nicest guy. And my mom would get him mad, and he would go ballistic, and it was like, I was like, you fucked up, lady. Because he was a big dude, but he was so nice all the time, then he'd go, stop it! And he was like giant, and you're like, holy shit! Even my dog was like, dude I'm fucking out. I did that to my stepdad too one time. I kept breaking it when I was a punk when I was drinking.

He was the second stepdad, not the first one, the second one. Larry was the coolest fucking Dean Martin, great guy, Italian, loved cooking, never raised his voice. And one time I got him so mad. I broke in, it was the middle of the night, I was in my tighty-whities, it was snowing out, like sleet snow, he goes, come here for a second. I was like, what? He goes, come here, I just wanna show you something. And I went downstairs, he goes, no,

I wanna show you this thing over here, cause I broke the window. He goes, come here, I was like, what? He goes, I just wanna show you something. So I went over to the window, cause he was always nice. I went over to the window. I was looking at the window, I was like, what is it? He was like, put your head,

put your head right there on the window. So he grabbed me. Oh, OK, what is this? Why would I need to do this? Is this an old Italian tradition? Is this for good luck? He threw me off the fucking back stairs by my underwear and hair into the snow.

And I slid across the pavement and smashed my head on the fucking, the brick. And then he slammed the door shut. As you Jeff do. Yeah, it was terrible. He felt bad though. Immediately was sorry. Yeah, you're describing being abused, Bobby.

He wasn't the nicest, greatest. Well, only time he ever did it. Here's the thing. We would have sex. It's not there. Do you make love to me? You put beautiful music on. You would hold me like candles.

Kiss my neck. No, you have a fight with your girl like that. Sc'd like candles. Kiss my neck. You ever fight with your girl like that? Screaming? Oh my God, yeah. You do? The screaming fights with... What is your screaming though? Like, Lewis, what's your screaming?

Oh no! Yeah, exactly. He only fights in character. I go, hey, you made a real cut. I go, hey, you made a real cut. I go, hey, you made a real cut. I go, hey, you made a real cut. Now we got it, like, I remember when we were living in Jersey, we got into a couple that

I was like, I know for a fact our neighbors heard us and it's going to change the way they are opinion of it. Because like we're screaming at each other. What was it about? Something retarded. It was something like I didn't tell her I was going out of town for a weekend. She's like, we had plans and I was like, oh, whatever. It's my job.

And then it was like, it's that thing where it just keeps ratcheting up. Well that's kind of a big deal. You didn't tell me you were going out of town for the week. I didn't say it wasn't my fault, Lewis. That's a huge problem. I didn't say it wasn't my fault. I'm poor at communicating and I'm getting better at it. But yeah, I mean, have you and Sarah,

you were like the two nicest people. Have you guys ever screamed at each other? That's true. Not really screaming. This is their fight where they go, really mad at you, Joe. And he's like, oh, fuck you. I'm mad at you too.

Fuck you. I'm like screaming. I'm sorry we got heated. God damn, I really lost my cool there. I'm sorry. They just both shaking on a couch. Like wet dogs. Joe, Joe, I don't like it when you get this in.

I'm fucking mad. I'm frustrated. I'm like, Sarah, Sarah, you're really making I'm fucking mad. I'm frustrated. I'm sorry. Feels like Sarah. Sarah, you're really making me upset. Sarah, I'm gonna kill you. We just hold it all in and then tell our friends. That's normal. That is nice.

You just get ulcers. Yeah, just talk to your friends and you're like, yeah, she's a fucking idiot. Me and my girl argues about the dumb, I don't even know what any of our arguments about, but it just turns into like nuclear war. It always is argues about the dumb, I don't even know what any of our arguments about, but it just turns into like nuclear war. It always is like about something dumb and then I'll start saying a sentence

and then she'll cut me off in the middle of my sentence. And then I'm like, let me finish, let me finish. She's like, no, but I'm answering the first part of your sentence, I'm like, no, but you gotta let me finish. I didn't finish my statement, so how are you answering my statement? You saying this is bringing back up why, it's bringing back up the fights.

Then you're not even arguing about the thing. We're just arguing about interrupting each other. I have a point, but I have a point. At one point she was like, get out of the room. And she was like trying to shut the door and I put my foot. She's like, get out of the room. And I'm like, I got to make a fucking point. And then it's like, let me say my point.

That's exactly it. That's exactly it. And then you calm down and you go, I did have a point. I have no stomach for a fighting relationship. I'm let's just break up that's not this fuck you I'm like that's why I wasn't my last three girlfriends the last three girls I dated the first actual problem we had I was like yeah I'm leave my life I did that I did that to a girl I was dating right when I quit drinking it was like one of the first girls I did after I quit drinking and that happened I go

yeah this ain't gonna work and the girl went what and I was like one of the first girls I dated after I quit drinking and that happened and I go, yeah, this ain't gonna work. And the girl went, what? And I was like, I'm done. Just watching her be like, huh? It was wild. She had no idea it was coming. It was like, fast. It was literally the first time

the shit hit the fan even slightly. And I was like, I thought I was cured. I was like, I don't have anger problems anymore. I was like, I'm just not gonna do this anymore. I was like, I'm out, so was like, I don't have anger problems anymore. I'm just not going to do this anymore. I was like, I'm out. So I'm not in this. Yeah. Why?

That's exactly right. You think you're so above it? I am. You know what? I thought I was cured of all of my anger. It's done. Until I cared about a bitch. And now I'm like, why won't you let me speak?

Hey. Have you done that? Have you just dropped a relationship when you start fighting I don't think so what about Colorado X you guys used to fight we didn't really have big fights either we were only together like a year and a half she just was like I'm moving to Argentina and I was sad and then that was it there was we never I've never been in a relationship where I'm like you left the

milk out you or whatever the fuck that, that's my ex you you remember my that we were friends with Annie Yeah, she threw a fucking book at me one time in her apartment read And the corner got me and it changed my attitude And she threw a book and I was like Right in the back. I loved Annie. She's my fire your best girl I get really like I get really indignant too. Like she'll, indignant. Indignant, it's a real word folks.

Can you sub-ri-ber-ize what that means? Ha ha ha ha. Doggie, no, if she curses at me, or if she calls me an asshole, like I'm like, you're calling me names. You're cursing, how dare you? I don't do that to you. Meanwhile, you just cut to me being on absolute. You, fuck I ain't, you, she's like, you're calling me names. You're cursing, how dare you? I don't do that to you. Meanwhile, he just cut to me being on absolute.

You, fuck I ain't, you're, she's like, you're being mean right now. He goes, no, that, that's not okay. You're not being cool right now. Me and Don go to a fight yesterday. Pretty fucking, but she's passive aggressive. So she, she, she watches me. Passive aggressive gets me. She watches, she builds me up and then waits

and then says, and then I go, and then she'll just walk away and I'm just in a room fucking shaking. I love it, I love when they get you all up into a tizzy and then they're like. My dream is just to not flip out on her. Just to be like, well. Well, this is why, and this is how I feel and I'm communicating.

That would fuck her up. As Obama, well, I is why. And this is how I feel. And I'm communicating that would fuck as Obama. Well, I think you're being a psycho. God, don't want to be honest with you. You're being a real fucking gun. Did we find out if that girl got arrested or other bikini picks up? She got arrested. She was arrested. She was arrested. Would you have is there any video of her after?

Was he arrested too or no? After. He was not arrested. After, after. Because that's really not self-defense. How is he not arrested? That is self-defense. Someone's hitting you in a car and you're driving.

You can't just get out. Yeah, but she's, we're not driving. Yeah, but she's driving. But she's driving, you can't just get out. She's multitasking. She's a lady. Whoa, whoa, whoa. She's a lady.

She... She physically touched him. She hit him, hit him again, and then smashed him in the face, and then grabbed his ear, which is, you can't touch somebody, and then he flipped out. And there's video of it, and she's arrested. I mean, he shouldn't have. I think in certain jurisdictions,

he would also be arrested. He was trying to get her to pull the car over. You still can't grab somebody. By ripping her head off. Yeah, that's not a, yeah. You can't decapitate somebody to pull the car over. You still can't grab somebody. By ripping her head off. Yeah, that's not a deal. You can't decapitate somebody into pulling her car over. Well, I mean, there's different ways. I'm just saying, like, if you get into a domestic thing,

if I got into a fight with another guy on the street and he punched me and I punch him back. Self-defense. You'll get arrested. In New York City, you'll both be arrested. You know why they do that? Because they don't want to do the paperwork. So they're going to look,

we're going to have to take both of you down. And they try to get. They hope you're like- They hope you're like, I fuck it, I'm not doing it. I ain't doing that shit. You both get the press charge. That's just a cop technique so they don't have to fucking deal with your horse shit.

But in that case, he's trying to get her to pull the, I mean, I wouldn't do that. I'd just fucking wait, you know what I mean? And defend yourself. I would just open the door and roll out as it's moving. Like the fall guy? Yeah. She goes, that was a good stunt.

Look what you're doing to me! You all talk, you're Googling it. Talk your chin. Like Walter in Big Lebowski. Great scene. It's the whites. I hate getting into fights, I hate it. Oh, did it come down where you're like,

I was being a fucking idiot? The only person that I like fighting with is Louis, because me and him are the same guy. We immediately know now. I always hope you guys. We yell sorry to each other. Sorry, no I'm sorry. I'm sorry too, I did the wrong thing, it was my fault.

No, I was fucked up too. You guys are both bald so you sweat when you guys yell at each other. I can watch it, that's how I know the condensation is building on the top of your head. So I'm like, oh, they're getting into it. Oh, this is for real. This episode is brought to you by Zippix nicotine toothpicks. Zippix brings you a totally satisfying, convenient and great tasting way to curb your nicotine cravings. Listen, if you're getting off cigarettes, this is the way to go. You're going to

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No, I don't care. Too cool for school, Dan, over here. No, I didn't buy glasses, and I didn't want to run and get them, and I was just like, whatever. You didn't look at it at all? There's cloud cover here, you couldn't see it. You could see it if you had glasses.

Whatever. Goes right through the clouds. By the way, there was way cooler pictures. I didn't need the glasses. You didn't look at the fucking eclipse. I looked directly at the eclipse. His eyes are bleeding. I also looked directly at the eclipse,

but you can't see anything cool about it. Yeah, you need the glasses. Just look at the sun. Yeah, just look at the sun. I looked at it. I videoed it through my phone and then I looked at my phone. Yeah, I did the same thing Fucking smart smart you too. But I put the glasses over the phone too. That's stupid That is I think I put headphones on my phone. He did it. So you're my little person Yeah, put a little tie on my phone. It's my little pocket friend. Hey, you're all right Hey pocket friend. Hey, you're already recognized. Hey, pocket friend. Wow.

My little pocket. You'll never yell at me pocket friend. Hey, pocket friend, show me a video that makes me happy. That was awesome. She's only 30. Do that ladies lived a rough life. What the fuck? What does it say? Very sorry for my actions. Apology to TMZ TMZ. What are we doing? We're talking about the eclipse. Bobby's showing his photo and you pull up some other shit and now half the people are talking about some other shit.

Yeah, dude. He's autistic. What the fuck? He gets on one thing, he has to finish it. We finished this lady. I didn't give a fuck about this lady. We moved on, dude. Who cares?

She's a lady. She's a lady I've never heard of, gotten to fight with a guy I never heard of Bobby film the eclipse right here We go back to pocket friend pocket friend for Bobby. It's a whole bit We're doing it nobody was even jumping in Bobby was too into his dumb video that we all we got it welcome Yeah, welcome to side rags where Lewis and I do a side bit while you guys look at your stupid videos That's what a pocket friend your pocket friend dude pocket friend. Did you bring food to my house? Could you send some food to my house? Two silly like plastic eyes on it.

The dog goes, Bobby, who you talking to? Ah, you just my pocket friend again. No one! Pocket friend stinks. Your fucking farm in Virginia sucks. Here's the name and location. It's called the Buttfuck Farm. It's called the F***ing Farm. Oh what? I am not a f***ing, you know what? You know what dude?

That was the whole thing, it was probably calling someone a f***ing f***ing f***ing farm. You're a you know what dude? It's just Joe and f***ing 8 Naked Farm hands Oh Joe The baby oil makes it so slippery It's Justin Silva washing his dog in the background Hey you just want to watch me shampoo this dog naked?

No No but it's a straight farm dude It's just pussy Just pussy everywhere on this farm. Pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy everywhere. What do you do on a farm? I do want to go back to the farm for a second though. What do you do on a farm while you're there? Are you working the farm? You relax. You relax. Oh you relax. But if you wanted to could you milk a cow? No there was no cows on the farm

but yeah. I thought you said there was cows. I said cow, but I was just naming them. Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O. There was no cow on that farm? A-E-I-O-U. You're such an idiot. He's doing it. Like in fly. Sometimes why? What are we talking about?

Sometimes why. It's like fly. Why is the vowel in that? There were flies. There was ducks and fowl, guinea fowl. Hey, I ain't done no fowl. That was fair. Get those fucking ducks away from me. First thing first. How you doing Vinnie Mussolini? A bunch of ducks with gold chains. Hey, I got a fucking, I got some ducks, bro.

And there was goats, but you can feed the goats nuts. You throw nuts and they go, but really you sit. You hike. Come here, goat. I'll suck my nuts. I'll go to the farm. Ah. Ah.

That's a good goat. Ah. Ah. Ah. The list is like that. I love that you practice that in your living room. Katie, is it real? No, it's not. And then we fight. Let me finish my go. Let me do it.

Jim Brewer does a better goat than you. Fuck you. Jim Brewer's lost and he hates fowl. I'm high-mode choking. Goat boy's a Republican now. He's not here to vaccine. COVID's not real. The election was stolen. Lewis just turned into a robot.

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Lewis can't do a goat. I can't do the fast it's a slow motion Joe I understand you go up I take the tiny house you go up you relax you're in the nothing like nobody likes a tiny house. You need to stop forcing it on. Stop pushing your tiny house agenda. I fucking love it. I love my tiny house. Why don't you just rather a regular size vacation house? Yeah, if I could, but the, I mean, dude,

I got acreage up in the woods. It's fucking great. I love, we just went up there for the- Wouldn't you be happier if you had a little bit less acres and more house? No, no, no, no. It's perfect. No, the house is just a place to plop.

Yeah, it's a place to go and just hang out. You don't need much. It's like a hotel. It's like a hotel room up in the woods. It's perfect. You go away, you're in a hotel room, right? Yeah. It's fine.

Is there a staff that will come and clean it? Yes, of course there is. Okay, I get room service. Yeah, I have a woods bitch that comes up. Great, is there a sauna or steam room in the gym? I do, we're getting a jacuzzi this year for the tiny house. That's pretty sick. We have a jacuzzi, and don't forget,

the lake is right down the street. It's technically a pool at the tiny house. We have a lake right down the street. You just go down the- That was pretty good. It was all right. It was pretty good. And his lake is a water treatment facility.

It's an ocean, technically. You go up, you refresh. We gotta bring the boys up in May for the weekend. I can do that. Yeah, we'll go up for the weekend. You'll love it. You'll love it. Go to Jamaica in nine days.

Hack. It's a big... Hack vacation. Damn! Jamaica. Jamaica's a hack vacation. That's embarrassing. I've done it 13 times. Wait a minute. I'm just finding out now it's a hack vacation. Damn. Did you make Jamaica is a hack vacation. That's embarrassing. That's a that's a 19. Wait a minute. I'm just finding out now it's a hack vacation. Come on. That's a 1980s vacation. That's a Miami vice. It's a great vacation. Jamaica, the fucking Sherry

town fucking farm. You've got your mind. That's where you fucking took your wife. Rolling married you, dude. I don't like that he emphasizes it was supposed to be like, he's right. Your wife? Yeah, what are you supposed to do? Your wife, you took your wife to a farm? Jamaica sucks.

Have you been to Jamaica? Yes. When? Jamaica sucks. When, have you been to Jamaica? Neither of you been to Jamaica. I've been to Jamaica. Neither of you have been to Jamaica, Come on yeah, being a real fuck boy

One of my favorite You want me to dunk Most unmissable things to do. How much better is it going to be than the farm list? Let's just put the farm list. Based on this photo, it's a lot scarier. You get to chase black people. Chase black people.

You get to hunt black people. Uh-oh, are they playing a game of Landshard? 18, splash about. Tell me what's the farm now? about is number one at reach around falls about reach around fall reach around is great verbs splash and vibe vibe is a verb can't you can't fucking lose hold on let me read it how it's supposed to be. East of Port Antonio on Jamaica,

North Coast, a steep road leads down to the public beach. You cannot vibe with locals unless you want to get kidnapped. Yeah, you'd be like, I want your girlfriend and your son, they're mine now. You're so vibing with them. They tell you don't leave the fucking compas. You leave the resort, you're gonna die, man.

Louis is like, this is pretty cool. You know what I love? Danger. There really is, it's like the old guy from all the horror movies out of gas station, he's Jamaican. I wouldn't go down that road to be real difficult to come back. Joe's meanwhile just in the Virginia Firemen, they go, well now they put people in the ground and they all come back the same way. Fill your belly with jerk pork. That's what they call your cock. Yo, eh, eh, hey, I don't want to go on a ramp. Jerk pork.

I'm going to keep saying go on a ramp. Hit the dance floor in Kingston, fill your belly with jerk pork. Splash, vibe, hit, fill. Ten reggae festivals. Nobody wants to do a reggae festival. Reggae music is incredible. It's stinking.

It sucks. I love that number five. It's one of the worst forms of music ever. Bing bong, bing bong, bing bong. Number six is get robbed by the police. Oh, you got cash on you, but no, it's mine. Number seven, have your luggage sold at the airport. They finally ran out of fun verbs.

They're like, Phil, splash, and then they're like, just attend, I don't know what they're out of. By the way, where I'm going is Treasure Beach. Wow. You know how much better Treasure Beach is than Fuckface Farms? Do you have any idea? I've been to both. You've never been to Treasure Beach? You've never been to Jamaica? I've been to every beach in the Caribbean is exactly the same. It's literally not. Aruba is way better because it's 2% crime crime rate Aruba is a ruba is fucking a hundred percent better guys are and I mean this uncultured swine Jamaica is culture yet actually has culture what's your Ruben they got a

bobsled team Dutch Dutch white European culture good culture by the way also it means if you're a white lady you get your head smashed in with a rock by a Dutchman. One white lady. There's also Arubans down there. No, no. Arubans, the Donkals, the natives. There's no culture, there's no food, there's no music. There's no nothing about Aruba that makes you need to Aruba. It's the same metal drum bullshit you listen to. It's the same shit as the Bahamas,

it's the same thing as Burmuda. They're all, Jamaica has truly its own culture. You don't participate in any of the culture. Yes I do. No you don't. Yes I do. I wear a fucking thing with fake dreadlocks and I fuck it. No you don't. Yes I do. You stay at the resort. I wear a fucking thing with fake dreadlocks and I fucking... No you don't.

I do this to the staff and I'm like, Hey man, make me some food! Oh look at number eight, climb Dumb River Falls. Duns River Falls, and it's an incredible experience you fucking cocksucker. And when you're at it, it's Dumb Rivers. Rafting. The Martha Stewart... Yeah that looks good.

I want to go on that raft made of fucking sticks. Get eaten by crocodiles man. Oh don't worry. Lewis is going to have a freak out. We don't know what we don't like when he comes back. Please stay at the farm. That was too much for very little. Celebrate what? I'm going to kill myself. The Maroon Festival. That's what I for very little. Celebrate what?

I'm going to kill myself. The Maroon Festival. That's what I call your asshole. Yeah, what a maroon. Keep going. What else? Marvel at the beauty of Negros. Oh, sorry.

I hate Marvel movies. I'm sorry. I didn't know what it was going to say. Yeah, the art. All the colorful art. Yeah, it's incredible. You guys have never been to Jamaica. I went to Jamaica.

When did you go and where did you go? 2009. Where? I don't know the fucking... I went to Jamaica too. Where did you go in Jamaica? We went to Port Royal. No.

Yeah, I got a history lesson there. You're lying, you piece of shit. I went to the Black River of Great Moses. That's so funny. I didn't even realize you were looking at that. I was like, oh, Port Royal sounds nice. I went to the... He's Kaiser Sosa. Port Charles I went to. I funny, I didn't even realize you were looking at that. I was like, oh, Port Royal sounds nice.

I didn't even know that. He's Kaiser Soze. Port Charles I went to. Sample Rum. We did Hilton Beach, Great House Estate. We went to Falmouth. Dude, they're fucking rules, dude. Is this Cape Cod?

You're doing nine days there? Nine? Nine? That is a lot of days. Five, five days. He has missed nine days. Nine days is a lot. I'm going for five.

Why'd you say nine? I said in nine. Oh, sorry, we weren't listening. In nine, what, five? That's my phone number. I have no desire to go to Jamaica. There's 900 other Caribbean places I'd rather go. But I'm sure, I feel like just to bother me.

No, you go. There's no reason to say, like, I just, I'm not gonna go, I'd rather go to every other. Ah la la la la la la la! I don't like Jamaica. Ah la la la la la la! Jamaica sucks. Like there's no reason to say like I just I would rather You're just doing it to fuck with me It's not so many places in the Caribbean Jamaica is by and I've been to Belize I've been to Costa Rica and the both of those places are in front of their hacks They're not their most beautiful place in the world you go go there because of the weed though, because of the marijuana. No, I fly anywhere with weed now.

But you originally started going there. Originally I started going because I was a pothead. And what connected me, the first time I went to Jamaica when I was 22 years old, I went and smoked weed in the most beautiful place I had ever been in the entire world. 7 in the morning you get up, you watch the sunrise, it was incredible. It was like life changing. I'd never seen anything that beautiful. So for me- Sunrise shouldn't be a point of, we can life-changing. I'd never seen anything that beautiful. So for me-

The sunrise shouldn't be a point of, we can do that anywhere. I wish we could change your back. Are you out of your fucking mind? The sun rises everywhere. The sunrise and the sunset in Jamaica versus fucking Idaho? Are you out of your fucking mind? Idaho is gorgeous.

It's gorgeous in the summer. Idaho is Port-au-Lane. It's beautiful. Port-au-Lane. It's one of the most beautiful places. Yeah. It's sort of got its breath day. The sun is beautiful anywhere.

It'll fucking make you think you're getting kissed by God watching the sun come up there. Actually, did New Jersey sunsets are fucking breath day? No, they're not. Yes, they are, dude. I'm going to take videos for the next regs of some New Jersey sunsets. You're going to think that we're in some... Natalie, is it not beautiful? I hope the next one... Natalie's going to say yes to anything you say. Is that a New Jersey sunset?

Yeah. Jamaica. I was like, wow, look at New Jersey say yes to anything. Is that a New Jersey sunset? Yeah. Jamaica. I was like, wow, look at New Jersey. I told you. Yeah. It's a Jamaican sunset. You're right, dude. You're right.

That's where anywhere in the world, you can pull up any sunset, Hawaii, Idaho, fucking. You're naming another amazing place. Doggie, keep coming after Idaho and you're going to get your shit. It's gorgeous. Coeur d'Alene is gorgeous. Pull up an Idaho sunset. It's gorgeous. Iseur d'Alene is gorgeous. Pull up an Idaho sunset.

It's gorgeous. This is a serious question. How big of a role percentage-wise is the hit film Cool Runnings in your decisions to go to the Olympics? I don't know, I just, dude, they qualified John Candy up there? I mean, fish out of water, I mean.

I bet the sled's at the airport when you're going through. He goes, dude, stop, feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, get on up, it's Jamaican pop-flute time. I assume, I do dance impression of me. Yeah, you really do. It's always funny though, when you do an impression. No, it was nothing. I was dating a girl when I was younger.

This is the Idaho, I mean, the the the eye of God. It's Gorgeous come for that again Come for that again. See you Type in any state in America. They have a gorgeous here's Nebraska It'll leave that and by the way Nebraska Sunset. I'll see you funny this weekend That's yours. I mean, it's wild. Yeah, it's swamp land. Yeah, it's swamp. What is that fucking? 500 yards outside of MetLife? Yeah, it's disgusting. Here's what's beautiful. It's sun is the key part. I'm out of

dead mobsters that are buried underneath. You know, the guys named San Giovanni or fucking Nebraska. They go wow, beautiful. It's not beautiful. But it all the brassicas is what's shit hole. What's spectacular about the farm though, different than Jamaica is the isolation. That's what's beautiful. You're out in the middle of the field. You mean no black people.

It's just acreage and food. Joe, I rent a private villa where it's just my two, three staff and my family. And then we leave the villa to get culture. Yeah, we left. Pfft. Good amendment. It's absolutely no one around us and then we go to them.

We go to them. No, we do though. What do you do for culture there? What have you done? I mean, we eat amazing food. What? We listen to reggae music. Where do you go?

I listen. I'll tell you right now, I do blast Mattes Yahu, the Jewish reggae rapper, and the staff hates it. I can tell that they're genuinely offended. Yeah, they're like, come on, man. He be a real, that's a genocide going on in Palestine. He be wiping people out in Raffa. What is this? Denver.

Denver. You picked the shittiest photo? I'm gonna hop over that computer and fight you. Shit's unsaid, dude. Yeah, you got the fucking Rocky Mountains and you picked Arvada you fucking tard. That's the worst sunset I've ever experienced. Type in Rocky Mountain sunset you fucking idiot. You ever come from a home state like that?

Denver has the shit sunset. That's one of the most beautiful places in the world. It looks it Dan, it looks it. Pick any shitty photo of that, that's a fucking telephone wire. Shit fucking they don't have good sunsets. Show me a Boston sunset. Look at that, yeah look at that. That's gorgeous. telephone. Why fucking they don't have show me a Boston Sun. Look at that. Yeah, look at that Where is that? Yeah, yeah suck my dick sucks to keep the bit going it was great. He was mad. That's Colorado. It's not Denver

Yeah, yeah, that is Denver the city riddled with homeless people. Denver has shitty sunsets. It's not The show sunset you out of your goddamn sets behind the Rockies, you fucking moron! Boston has a better sunset. No it doesn't. Bring up a Boston sunset. Ah, fucking look, kid, there's the fucking sun, bye, sun! Nope, Boston and Denver are not even close.

All right, fucking bye! My in-laws are all from there, and so is my family, I love Boston. Ha ha ha! Go B's. Ha ha ha, go B's. Look at that, what the fuck? Yeah, that's a city. That's an Induscript city.

Cool. That's Boston. That's Boston. It's not Induscript. It's the State Street Bank. That's Rose Wharf. Fucking beautiful sunset. Cool.

Denver has- You can find a sunset like that in Des Moines. It's back in Colorado. It's all to Boston. Look at that. That's the harbor. That's beautiful. That's the fucking harbor.

That's the hot deep Boston joint. Look at that fucking duck. That duck hates black people. That duck's racist. Yeah. That's the fucking harbor. That's the harbor. That's beautiful. That's the fucking harbor. That's the hot seat of Boston, Joe. Look at that fucking duck. That duck hates black people. That duck's racist. Yeah. It's like, you're fucking bussin'. I don't know about that.

Blacks, blacks, blacks, blacks, blacks. Great, great. No notes. Great. No notes. Great job. No notes. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I think we should do this podcast every week at nine in the morning. In the morning. We're silly. I hate it. Where it puts us on our fucking heels. I hate podcast every week in the morning. Morning rules. I hate it. Where it puts us on our fucking heels. I hate it. Backs against the wall.

We got to fucking fight. Let's put on heels next time. Stomp on each other's balls. Oh guys, what's weird? Can we all dress like women? Yes. Just one episode. We do a Boots and Buddies episode.

But not on camera, just for us. What? We're running out of ideas here. So we're just going to do it with women this week. Where is Jeff Austin? Hey guys, don't forget to check out our sponsors. Welcome to the Rats. But not on camera, just for us. What? We're running out of ideas here. So we're just gonna do what we've been doing. Where is it?

Is that Boston? Hey guys, don't forget to check out our sponsors. Look at the rats. Who is that? That's Des Moines. Des Moines is way better than Colorado. Des Moines sky's full of cump, apparently. You're saying that and you know you're wrong.

Fucking cump skies. Colorado sucks. Colorado sucks. Colorado sucks at sunsets. That's okay. Colorado's nice, Denver blows. Denver. It'ssets. That's okay. Colorado sucks. Denver blows. Denver. It's fucking riddled with homeless people.

Everywhere's riddled with homeless people. No. No. Boston doesn't have that. Not that farm. That farm has no homeless people. The farm, by the way, door unlocked. You show up, door's open. You hear that guys? Door unlocked. You hear that guys?

You know what to do. I'm going to get a conch shell. I said homeless people to that fucking farm. Excuse me, anybody got a quarter? These billionaires' farm is... That's another Denver. There you go. That's a great one.

You know what you're doing, you wide-eyed fucking retard. The Denver Sunrise. Hey, hey! I don't care. Hey! By the way. What are you doing? I don't give a shit.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Dude, you fucking... The smurch? I don't give a shit. What the fuck is wrong with you? You, dude, you fucking. But Smurch where I was raised, where I was forged. Buddy, it's just depressing sunsets. Great. Do we have like, do we have a beach in Denver or something? No. It's a landlocked state, you moron.

You know what, good, don't go to Denver. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Keep the house prices low. Type in beach in Denver, and I bet you there's a beach in Denver. Yeah, they're gonna show the Cherry Creek Reservoir. That's a beach. It's not a beach.

It is a beach. Can you type in Denver Beach please? Wait one second. We've got tourists, this is us, tourists and Denver. That's Denver, that's Denver. That's Denver right there. That's the nicest beach in Denver, right?

You know what, we like people on the streets. Yeah. That is Denver. It is, I'm sorry, that's called camping. Yeah, ugh, what a fucking shit. You know what, good, you know what, none of you are allowed to go. You hear that, Denver? Any of these, by the way, have fun at shit. You know what? Good. None of you, you know what? None of you are allowed to go.

You hear that, Denver? Any of these fucks? By the way, have fun at the Denver Improv. Attack him. Oh yeah, fuck. I love you, Denver. No, you don't. You don't.

Don't buy tickets. I don't work, Denver. Good, because they don't like you. Joe, you're off the list. What do you mean? I did ComedyWorks last year. Yeah, well, you're not welcome back. Wendy, I'll be emailing you.

You guys are done. None. You're not allowed. Done. Kaput. It's better than Jamaica. I'll be emailing you. You guys are done. None. You're not allowed. Done. Kaput. It's better than Jamaica. I'll say that. I'd rather go to Jamaica. That's not true.

Closer. Yeah, Jamaica's not a... Denver's not even closer than Jamaica. Can I ask you a serious question about Jamaica? Yeah. Isn't it, you're not supposed to go out off the compound in Jamaica, right? No, no, no, no,'s there's a information on our government's website that tells you not to do that Can I just say yeah good Lewis you go to the government website?

Almost any of these places are gonna tell you not to go to not a ruba. They're gonna tell you Danger levels of a ruba again Sent crime say yeah, they have a 2% crime rate. Why do you keep saying that like you're running for Congress? They have a 2% crime rate. I'm not a pussy, so I'm not afraid of crime. Yeah, I know, but the people you bring are. Fast forward to us going, guys, we need to do a benefit.

Baby James is gone, and we need to get the kidnap ransom. No, you shouldn't go to a dance party in a house in Jamaica, that'd be crazy. Have you done that? Why, that's a very specific example. Yeah, I know. No, we've gone, Natalie, when we brought the staff to Jamaica last year, we left the resort

and took a walk to the ice cream shop and like. How afraid were you? I was drunk, so I didn't know. She was drunk, you had're at her boozed up. Aruba's a level one as far as danger and Jamaica's level three. Level three. See what I mean?

See what it was this guy. See what I mean? It was this fucking guy. Aruba's a level one. Natalie, were you scared at all? She was hammered. I was gonna say that with you there, Lewis, I was less afraid.

I'm not afraid in the fucking. You heard that? You heard that? In Brazil in Brazil and the fucking fellas with the blue. It's I wouldn't be scared. Lewis goes, I got this guy's you guys grapple. I speak the language. You guys do BJJ. Yeah. You know, it was so but you were scared, right? Would you go by yourself into town?

She said that fast. No. But I would go with, but if it was, let's say there was, it wasn't me, but there was like three other gas station people that wanted to walk and get ice cream. I think you would have went. It depends on the gas digital people. A couple dudes. Yeah, probably.

So you couldn't go get coffee. You couldn't go get coffee by yourself in the morning. Probably not. Oh, then you would agree. You wouldn't walk to the gas station across the street to get a coffee? Yeah, you would. Across the street.

Yeah, where we walked for ice cream was like a half a mile, and you're walking down like, you know. So you wouldn't go get ice cream if you were like, oh, I'm on vacation. I'll go to ice cream by myself. You wouldn't do that. Probably not. And you agree that women are less than and weaker

and useless without men? I mean, draw your own conclusions, I guess. I did. Come conclusions. Are worthless. You're not me with that loud Puerto Rican. Now you're mine. Yeah, but you're like, you also the homeless population in Denver has doubled.

And their son said, sook. And I'm like, no, just not. Jamaica the Denver of the Caribbean. It sounds beautiful to me. You have security, you have a chef. You have security is nuts that you have to have security on vacation. Yeah, weren't you a fucking pop star?

Yeah, weren't you the president who's fucking security? Natalie, was it awesome or did it suck? Was it not the most incredible vacation you've ever been on? It was so incredible. The best vacation you've ever been on? It's definitely up there. What's your favorite vacation? Vacation's all I ever wanted.

God damn, dude. I don't remember all of them. I'm sitting over here Googling Denver Sunsets getting fucking. If it's not number one, it's top three. Top three. I'm getting the fucking boners off that, dude. I traveled to nice fucking places.

That's filtered, that's a filtered sunset. Let me see. I saw how many pages you had to go. Let me see that. Dan, I'm calling for you. I threw his phone. That's so degrading. It's so fucking 2005.

Hey, little friend. Sorry about that. Hey, little friend, I'm sorry that happened. All right, well, here we go. We're done. We're done. We're gonna wrap it up. Bye, guys.

Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Chill the fuck out. Say goodbye. We gotta- You sign off, you have to have your own little like. And that was that. Over, under, and up and away. Hey, it's Bob Kelly. See you again.

This is Joe List, host of the Regs. We wanna say thank you for coming. I wanna thank my guests, Robert Kelly, Lewis Gay-Gomez, Clueless Jay Gomez, Dan the Meat meat soda, and all Bobby's interns. And all the Boba lights. They had a steak. The Boba maniacs out there. All the Boba heavies.

They had a stay at a hostel last night for the show. Take your Bobs, say your Bobs, take your dudes. Shish Kebob. Take your dudes. The Shish Kebob. We got a show. Shish Ke kebab. The shish kebab. That's big. We got a show coming up this summer. Bring it up Danny.

The bobbleheads. August 15th. August 15th. August 15th. August 15th. That's right Axe. We're coming down. We're going to smash your face in. We're going to punch your tits in and finger your pussies until you come. And we're paying Rich V tits in and finger your pussies until you come

And we're paying rich boss too much to host. Why didn't we just get sagalow or someone more affordable? Funny local Boston comics that would have been way cheaper brother But boss is cool opinions about Israel this next guy's not as funny as me. I love his opinions on Israel. Guys, welcome to the show. We got one headliner and three features. Oh, God, it's going to suck. Yeah. And then we can just keep going.

You're the host. Wait, so we hired Rich already? Why don't we discuss things as a group? We did. No, Bobby told us that Rich was the host. Yeah, he really did. And then we all just went, all right. Yeah, you lead singer with your girlfriend.

I did not say that. Hey, my girlfriend plays the table. I'm the host. I'm the host. I'm the host. I'm the host. I'm the host. I'm the host. I'm the. No, Bobby told us that Rich was the host. Yeah, he really did.

And then we all just went, all right. Yeah, you lead singer with your girlfriend. I did not say that. Hey, my girlfriend plays the tambourine. I did not say that. I said they want to have Rich host. It would be a good idea. And you guys should say, no, let's get a local.

You guys, I don't fucking make decisions with any of you. That would be crazy. If we would have put the kibosh on Rich host, that would have been crazy. He doesn't know. He wouldn't have known. He doesn't. He does now. Now he does.

He knows how we feel right now. But if you said no, it would have just been like, now they got somebody else. It's up to you. It's great. We can smoke bats outside and weed. Yeah.

We should go there. I'll be back. I might stay the, God, you got to meet the God. I might stay the Friday after that. Hang out in Cape Cod. I'm in and out. In and out?

All right. There you go. Nice. It's my girlfriend's birthday weekend. So make sure you check it out, get your tickets now. They're gonna go fast. We made the ticket prices as affordable as we could. Believe me, they wanted to make them crazy. Yeah, our agents got mad. And that, well, your did.

And then we agreed. Oh no, they were actually pretty cool about it because yours were gouging the prices. Not mine, not mine. It's the place, not mine, it's the place. My agent was cool as shit and was like, hey, we should make this affordable for the fans. My agent is a bus driver.

He goes, I told you. He's got a change belt. He goes, oh, Louis, I meant to let you know, Mugumi said no. Mugumi said no. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. I'll tell you this is the next stop. All right, check out all our websites.

We're going to be touring all over the place. We'll see you guys next time on The Regs. Later, guys.