Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - F in the Gatta
Episode Date: October 9, 2017This week on YKWD: Bobby brings on the hilarious Jared Freid and Justin Silver! We get into being Jewish and exactly how many Jewish friends we have! The bell comes into play! Justin and Bobby get int...o a tent battle on who has the better one! Camping!? Not for Jared Freid. The topic of the tragedy in Las Vegas weighed heavy on the group today, and brought up some Boston Strong convo! Watch/Listen/Share/Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com
Welcome to the funniest podcast on the Planet Earth.
This is gonna be a claustrophic.
It's podcast, no rules.
What are the mic-ass holes?
I'm sure I've already said should I regret it?
Can I get a mic-o-no?
What the fuck?
That was trying to keep it like a comic-head.
I have a bunch of guys on.
It's just us sitting down,
and he happens.
Sometimes it's hilarious.
Sometimes it's tantalopopics.
No directions.
I love doing it.
No!
Way both sides of the coin!
That's not what a host does.
You love the part.
I don't want to do anything.
My podcast is popular enough.
I might affect somebody's life.
You never know.
It's Robert Kelly,
so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com. popular stuff. I might affect somebody's life. You never know. Alright, we're back.
I mean, it's a full house.
I tried to book a very small show, but it became very full.
Not with just the amount of people, but also the size of the people that I invited.
We have, let me just get this out of the way.
Michael is here.
I don't know if you can see him. He's off camera. He's
uh, yeah, that's his cute little hand. Hi, Mike. How are you? I'm doing great. You're not
gonna see Mike today because we don't know if he's gonna last. I don't have to edit Mike.
I don't have to explain who this fuck is. So we actually kept the camera off him. Uh,
just in case he doesn't make it through this fucking episode, we can, we know
to have to explain him. Who's that fucking guy? Mike, I met in San and
tone. Yep. Okay. That's great. And he's gonna be helping us out today, doing the
computer stuff, bringing stuff up. Hopefully he's gonna work out. Of course, we
have Lauren, the sexy Lauren is here. Bob. What's up, pal? She's coming Bob.
Hey Bob.
Ugh.
How was LA?
It was nice.
I don't really like LA.
Mmm.
It's too spread out.
It's weird.
It's like Jersey.
No, Jersey's so much nicer.
Oh my god.
You have fucking just Jersey trash.
It's spoken like a true guida.
Yeah, just like a true fucking Jersey hunk of shit. Hey, you can't even walk down this
Cheetah. No one's out. Yeah, no one's out on the board walk. You can't even go to temps like you know what it's at any night
What are you walking Jersey? I don't know to the store
You know you don't walk in the fucking store in Jersey. Well, whatever. It's a city. No one's a it's like a dead city LA
LA is a dead city LA. LA's a dead city. Are you fucking nuts?
So number two city in this country, Lauren.
You can't see it off camera,
but Lauren just shit out of Canole.
And, and another Canole.
And another Canole.
Oh, fucking.
No, what they call?
No, no, you fucking not Italian.
And another Canole.
You made it, you made it French.
Yeah, that's not, that's Canole.
That's a nicer one, This is the ones I get
Really you get nicer canola is then I can Italian style. Not a conoli. You're a canola
Give it up for Jared free
Good to be here. Thank you for having me. Yeah, Jay train is in the house
Back again. How you doing buddy? I'm good. How you doing? You don't know how I'm okay? I'm like Melodade
How you doing buddy? I'm good, how you doing?
You don't know how you doing?
I'm okay, I'm like melodot.
Yeah, you see him high, dude.
I took an edit the last night and it's like, it knocked me the fuck out.
Like I was watching videos on YouTube and like a five minute video would feel like it
was five hours.
Really?
I'm taking it.
Who are you with?
My family, my dad is doing medical marijuana now, so there's like a bunch in the house.
And it doesn't have any labels on it.
So I just like popped, I just like took a bite of a chocolate bar.
And I was like, it can't be that much.
And I'm not like a big wee person,
but I was like, I'm home.
Yeah.
I might as well just, you know, I'm like,
take a little piece.
My boss doing that now too.
She's smoking like the oil for her MS.
The oil's great.
All CBD oil.
Yes, the CBD oil.
Wait, you're fucking parents.
I mean, where did you get these parents?
My cousin got one of the licenses in Massachusetts at Cell Medical Marijuana.
To Cell?
Yeah.
So they opened a facility called In Good Health, if you know, it's in Brockton.
And it's very, if you have license, you can use it.
Wait a minute.
Well, I pictured your dad a lawyer, your mom, some type of psychologist.
She sees patients in the house.
No, we're not a, you know what I mean?
Like you have some back side addition that you're for.
We're not allowed for her to hurt her head.
No, we're not allowed.
Let me go on with the fucking ass stupid.
Let's have comedy works.
You know, you have to zap over it.
Sorry.
Jesus Christ.
Go on with your aunt's house.
Well, now I was into the addition of the house.
I had a visual.
I had a lot of details.
You go.
First of all, one thing, do that.
Another to do with Jewish people.
I know a lot of, new right, it was Jewish.
I don't know anybody else with additions
that do therapy from that home.
Why is therapy mainly Jewish people?
Well, no ZPs is a shit.
You get to find out under the cover of this doctor doctorate you get to ask people questions about their lives because we mastered anxiety
Are you Jewish? Yeah, you know that but I'm like I know it's so surprising. I love it out of here this phony Italian
I'm not but I never even claim to be Italian. I'm just kind of like that. How would you fuck?
Look at the way you sit
He's sitting like a nice Jewish boy.
Yeah, I'm not a nice Jewish boy.
I'm kinda fucking chilling.
I'm gonna like retin' to fight everybody in the room.
Cause I'm not short.
You cock something.
That's like, you let him get with the canola.
You didn't fucking respond.
He's got that three inch confidence,
that three inch on me.
Oh, you just said I'm not short.
He's got the three inch,
he's got three inch height confidence on me. Jesus Christ, all just said I'm not sure. He's got the three inch on. I'll get three inch height confidence on me.
Jesus Christ.
All right.
I'm not even tall.
All right.
Shit.
I don't understand.
What did your father do before that?
Before your mother and father do?
He was in finance.
No, no, no.
We saw that.
That's racist.
Yeah, that's very racist.
I'm noting all the racist.
Don't worry.
I'm taking it down for my Jewish lawyers. the bell? I want you to come down.
For my Jewish lawyers, yeah.
This is the anti-Semitic bell.
Anytime you feel we're being anti-Semitic,
you ring that bell.
To me, just the R in the room.
No, you're just the him.
I don't count, I'm dating a Jew, so I get a pass.
Oh, she can say whatever she wants.
Is that it?
I date one of you huge nose fuckers, yeah.
Ring the bell, that was very, I felt uncomfortable.
I'm not even Jewish. How did Jewish foster father so I'm, you're I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know. I don. Exactly. Ron Bennington. I thought your parents were something,
what did you father do before?
The host cell liquor beer and wine.
Okay.
What did you mom do?
To the housewife.
Housewife.
Oh, I love that.
Yeah, yeah.
So tradition.
What she used to do personal shopping
at like blooming dals for people.
She would like put an ad in the paper.
You can be personal shoppers.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
But like, there's a difference between like, you know, like the Jew that you mentioned,
the addition on the house with the, yeah, Newton, yeah, the Newton liberal Jew.
You're Sharon by the lake.
Yeah, there's also like a, you know, a moderate Republican Jew out there that exists.
Now, I think that's kind of where all Jewish jewish people more republican now conservative because of israel
i mean i know i know there's a yes
i mean the more religious the more republican you seem to be right um... like
all the hot seeds
uh... very yeah they're conservative you know they'll go they'll go to bat
even now right um... but you know there's a of you know, there's different types right all right
Well, I just and I didn't know you a Jewish always I always thought you were Italian. Yeah, I'm not that into it, you know
You can fucking you could you could just show that into my skin so I'm wearing it all day
I mean, that's my opinion of being a face. I didn't know if it was anti-Semitic or not long if you know me
I don't know how like what both sides do yeah, wow. Yeah, why is the Jew just sound bad?
I think I think both sides Jew
I actually was like what the fuck it's someone's like is both sides wrong
You know what I'm saying like that's how I heard it sides you
sides wrong. You know what I'm saying? So I heard it. Side, Jew.
The elongated Jew sounds bad. No, where are you going?
Jew. Right, I smell a smell.
No, she's eating a Jew.
I don't want to use Jew.
I like to nick the Apollo. Yeah, Jew broad.
Jew broad. That comes out nice. President Nick the Paulo. Yeah, Jew broad. Jew broad.
That comes out nice.
President against the talents.
It's Jew broad.
Are you full Jewish?
Yeah, really.
Yeah.
Wow.
He's a Jewish, but I hate my parents
because I get a tattoo.
How does a tattoo work out?
What do you mean how do they work out?
Like, they stay on.
Your parents were okay with it?
Yeah, my parents are kinda like, you know,
I was always a fuck up
You know, I mean so they said
acknowledge his fucking awful joke
What how did they they stay on?
Yeah, that was an Italian joke if I ever that was a rocky Balboa. How they were even they stay on you know
One guy at the pizza place ago
He's doing calm. He's doing comedy now like serious
I have my grandparents initials on so it's like I started with that that's how you cheat your way in
Yeah, yeah
Wouldn't get in with my grandmother would be like fuck no buddy. I was such a fuck up as a kid that they were just like they this was expect no
Yeah, what you do
You get sarcasm you take an acting class ever
Of course we know you were fucked up look at you
I want to ask you something go listen talk to me
Your voice does not match your fucking face.
Why?
I don't know, it's just too deep, something happened.
Oh yeah, a lot happened.
What?
To my voice, or like in my life.
Yeah, your voice, what happened to your voice over the last couple of years?
You became a...
It's always been like this.
It's been that deep?
You know me for like 10 years, right?
I know, but I don't know you. I know you, but I didn't know. I thought your voice was higher. I keep thinking
of the baby in Roger Rabbit, who framed Roger Rabbit. Oh, yeah. That's what you sound
like a baby with the deep voice. He's got a deep fucking training verse. sexy voice, I feel like.
Well, a lot of tap in this week.
We got on the couch.
Let me introduce these guys.
Well, you got a microphone over there, fellas.
Why don't you do it yourself?
If this were a boat, this boat would be leaning to the left.
If this is a boat, if this is a boat, say there's a lot, we can't get, we
don't have them on the screen, right?
A little bit. be Bob and rock steady
Thank you for coming. How you doing buddy?
I got the reference. I have a kid
Fucking stoner
Only parents and fucking stoners know what that is. How you doing buddy introduce yourself Dan from laugh it up
God from laugh it up and pass it over
I'm dead. Dan from laugh it up.
Dan from laugh it up and pass it over.
Cal from laugh it up.
Wow, Jesus, that's a man voice.
Yeah.
Why did they stop it?
They just give it an anti-Semitic vibe.
Yeah.
That's why I'm ringing this thing.
Yeah, it's the fucking widow peak ponytail that makes you,
that makes you Jewish people feel uncomfortable.
Yeah.
You know what, you wanna use any crazy?
Cal's Jewish too.
Cal's Jewish.
No way.
Real. Everyone's a Jew. Oh, dude, got to see the tattoo on his stomach. Please Cal
Oh, what is it of this yeah? Really? We create but stand up and show it's a menorah
It's better than that. Oh Lauren move on. That's awesome. Let me see this right there. Are you taking your pants off?
Let me see oh
a little bit more
What is that the She's a Jew fuck
A Jew
What's a Jew fuck she never saw that episode of curbing enthusiasm? No, what it no?
I said it Jews Bobby have to fuck through a hole in the sheet so they say
and
So they say I mean, I don't know.
I don't know how real that is.
I think that's always been the joke.
Is it real?
Do you know, Jared?
I don't know.
I don't know.
How many Jews I got?
I can't find the truth.
Can you go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, put over their head with the whole of it, they would see that being laundered and they would, the rumor was that they
were fucking, that's what they went out to do.
All right, Mike, don't talk ever again on this.
I don't understand.
I'm getting, Mike.
Like, we got to work up from Google.
Okay.
I feel let's clear about the sheets.
Now, you never see the episode.
I don't know.
Let's start at Google and then we'll work up the words.
I was like, what'd you say?
Oh.
There was a hood.
But it made sense to me.
What did you say?
They do wear this like smock that goes over their head and then they wash it is what
you say.
And then there's, but I mean, the whole is like enormous on the thing that they're washing.
Can you Google Jew fuck sheet?
Will that come up?
I love that he got sheet.
That's how he got to stuff too.
Is that how you did it?
Or the juice?
All right bring that up and read that to us.
When you get the information read it, don't just start reading.
You know, reading.
Also, did you see the Jew fuck sheet was giving double guns?
Like the Oklahoma Sooners.
What?
Oklahoma State mascot like sitting there
to give in double gun salute.
Cow's a bad ass Jew.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, he's a big guy.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's the type of Jewish kid you want on your team.
He's more unjewy than I am as a Jew.
What do you mean, unjewy?
Like, you know, you win.
What's unjewy?
What's unjewy?
What is it, what is it?
What?
What is it, jui?
Unjewy.
Talking to Mike?
He's a microphone.
We're not on a fucking park page.
They made me celebrate Passover, but my mother was in microphone. We're not on a fucking party. They made me celebrate Passover
But my mother wasn't Jewish so it was all a fucking lie. Oh, so you're not sure
I had to suffer through he didn't come out of the real bullshit for nothing
Yeah, you didn't come so what are you gonna come out of a Jewish vagina to be considered really is that true?
The canal you gotta come out of that Jared now don't don't take offense to be honest when when I have questions about Judaism
I'm gonna trust Jared more than the rest of you for some reason 100% I'm gonna agree with you
I'm to me. I feel like he yeah, so you have to come out of a Jewish vagina to be considered
Jewish
By free I would I I'm pretty sure on that one
Yeah, that no I know that's true because big J is Jewish because his mom is big J's Jewish
Yeah, you met I know that's true because big J is Jewish because his mom is big J Jewish Yeah, you met your friends before mommy
Everyone's Jewish you're doing us forever big J actually like I do there's some Jews that I sent some warmness from
And I do sense that from big J. I feel the Jews like a one of black guys. He's another black guy
Yeah, yeah, that's the same really except we just make the money sign at each other.
Really?
Yeah.
So when a gay guy, and another gay guy,
just see each other and they,
yeah, hey, what's up?
They go suck each other's dick and the bathroom.
Yeah, you do that with you people.
I do that with you.
You immediately go make money together.
And suck each other's dick.
And suck each other's dick.
We do everything.
I'm kind of half gay,
so I'm gonna ring this one
if we're someone says something that's Anthony half
Say fucking 62% gay
You're definitely not Jewish. Who's not gay?
Serene circumcised bicks in this room. Hey, Cal. You're a big one. You oh, huh. So you're not Jewish of course
So you're not Jewish of course. I'm not a Jew.
I'm not a Jew.
Would you ever sleep with a Jew?
Yes.
You have.
Yes.
Really?
What about a Jap, a Jewish American princess?
Yeah, okay, stop right there.
I want to know what the hell that is.
That's the most annoying thing.
It's coming from Sharon Mass.
I need them.
I'm from Needham, but I do understand.
I know Sharon, I know the connotation on that.
I, uh, Jewish American is, is it like an uppity Jewish person?
Which Jewish kid?
Jewish kid.
Who's not a girl?
Uh, Jewish, there's a chap could be a guy or girl.
Prince or princess, buddy?
Prince or princess?
A bit of a jab, Jared.
I am.
I'm, I mean, I admittedly I would be considered a jab
I was a kind of am
Alright, let's talk about each other
From a distance, listen to the jab talk
I want to get our tips off
New podcast, jab talk
Poppy, I think if someone looked at my stats
they would be the people don't want to be called something
because they think of the worst version of that thing
So a lot of people don't want to be called japs
because they're like well I'm not that thing. So, a lot of people don't want to be called Japs because they're like, well, I'm not like
that JAP, I'm like this JAP.
Right.
So, for me, if you looked at my stats, absolutely, I'd be considered a JAP.
So, you're a Jewish American prince.
I think people would consider that of me and I would hope that I don't act like that.
Right.
I think that's my...
Your hand gestures are bugging everyone.
Whatever course you took in the college appearance
paid is
is bugging everybody. Oh just to let you know. Public speaking they say use your hands
and animate yourself. You're acting very jappy. Oh.
This this right hand is jappy. Or Italian.
But I like what the I mean we talked about the last time I was here. Yeah I went to summer camp.
Yes you know which one like I went to summer camp. Yes, you know
It's what like I went in Maine a camp called cedar like did you go to summer camp? Yeah, so is that like a Jewish thing?
Did you go to summer camp? No, he said fuck no
I know if I was a Joe I wouldn't go to any camp. No, why?
Why the the Holocaust? Oh, that was a Holocaust show. Thanks. No ring the bell
Why the Holocaust? Oh, that was a Holocaust joke.
Thanks.
No, ring the bell.
That's why I would the bell.
That's what the bell is.
That's what Jared's about.
You don't tell Jared.
The camping is, it seems like a no-brainer for Jewish parents.
Like send your kids away and go to summer.
Summer.
Yeah, it's amazing.
I couldn't imagine sending my kid away for the summer.
Really?
I want to spend as much time as I can with him.
I love being with my kid.
Look, it's the most challenging shit I've ever done.
This week has been one of the toughest parenting weeks.
What happened?
I'm going to get to it, but I will tell you.
It's just been challenging, but I still would not want him
to be away for two months.
Oh, I mean. Yeah, but he's got to play him to be away for two months.
Yeah, but he's got to play, you know, play with other kids, he play, he plays sports, you got create, you know, social interactions with people.
And he's also for him.
This is also later when he's like 12, 13, at that point, you probably get a one in
a way, a little, he's going to be telling you like, shut up.
You know what I mean?
That's kids become, uh, listen, japs.
Listen, your family.
I don't, you don't have to have a kid
that tells you to shut up.
You understand that, right?
That's not, I'm sure Jared didn't tell his parents
to shut up.
No, I just got chills down my,
there's a big difference.
By hearing you say that,
just announcing that as an idea for kids
to do their parents,
scare this family.
Your kid might tell you to shut the fuck up.
I would hope that my kid doesn't say shut up.
I feel like Justin had a like a long earring at 16
and was like, fuck you dad and then like ran out on top.
Oh no, no, no, no.
There was no dad to say fuck you.
Oh, okay.
He ran out, he roll his kid.
Fuck you, mom.
Yeah.
Who did a spin?
Shushed out.
And his tight shorts. Yeah, yeah. Bo spin swooshed out.
And his tight shorts, yeah, booty shorts, no shirt.
Well, I mean, it's, I don't really want to, nobody has kids in here.
So you're really not going to relate.
I just had.
Huh?
You have, you have a kid?
Yeah.
It's mind-boggling.
How much you look like me?
It's literally, I want to go join 24-hour fitness.
I'm right now.
I just go workout till I'm like all day.
How old is your kid?
Just had it.
A month.
I love that he said just had it.
I'm still supposed to guess.
Yeah, he still lives in the post pregnancy weight.
It's not.
A month ago, good to see you're here now.
You have kids too?
Calder.
You have an eight year old.
Yeah, she's in third grade.
And now coming down to the park with those grades, man.
And now she up in Pekipsi, right?
Oh, fuck, no, we're in Beacon.
Oh, Beacon's nice, right?
Yeah, Pekipsi. School's kind of...
So your school's up there nice?
Beacon is definitely. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's killing it, man.
Oh, good. Good for you, right?
Trying to, you know, make sure she doesn't make all the same...
Same mistake, Stan, did, you know?
Like a fucking shitty tattoo.
Oh, yeah.
Fuck you.
How do you explain that tattoo at the beach?
Yeah.
You have a fuck towel on your stomach.
He goes to the Jewish beach, so it's all right.
I break it out during my rusts, so it matches.
It's all right.
I would not fuck with him. No, I'm just
wondering. Bobby, he was a wrestler. Yeah, I know he is, but he got that joke barely.
Yeah, enough time to hit you with something. He went, I was a wrestler. Yeah. Oh, my God,
that was a fucking moment. I got you. You're bell one. Save you there, Jared. I'll tell
you when to move, Jared. I'll tell you when to move Jared
It's uh, well a lot has happened this weekend anyways fine. Haven't a kid is it off? It's the best But I couldn't imagine sending him we sent him away to day camp
He goes away for a few hours during the summer
But like this summer we went to fucking Belgium. I took him to Montreal. We went out to the white mountains
He's four
For no, he should be home at four. Yeah, you don't say your kid away at four. But I couldn't,
what I'm saying is I couldn't imagine when he's older, I think we'd have more fun.
Yeah. That's awesome. I take the summer off. I try to not to work in July and August that much,
unless it's really good money. So I can just be home with them as much as I can in the summer months.
You're an awesome dad.
Yeah.
I'm going to write that.
Does he have friends?
Yeah.
His friends, yeah.
Actually, he's friends with Noam, the owner of the comedy seller, Noam's kids, Manny and
Mela.
I think you're going to say he's friends with Noam.
I think you know, yeah.
Okay.
We live five.
He's friends with adults.
Those kids always end up okay.
Him and Noam are just on their phones together,
trying to have multitasking with other people.
No, they live five minutes down the street.
So they come over there, we go over there.
And he has kids in school, my wife finally made other friends,
a cousin of the school, because my wife.
Like girlfriends?
Yeah, she has girlfriends now.
But she still, there's something about my wife.
No, no, my wife's not a Jew.
There's something about my wife.
The way she said she wasn't a Jew was very anti-Semitic.
You rolled your eyes.
I literally prayed to Jesus Christ.
Oh, Father Martin, Hello, be the name.
No, she's not a Jew.
Where'd you move from?
To where you are now.
You're in Westchester now.
I, we lived on 47th Street.
I had an apartment on 40th.
I literally had my dream.
When I moved here, 20 years ago, whenever the fuck it was,
and I lived in that shithole with Bill Burrow 97th and Lex.
I slept on a fucking wooden itchy couch for three years.
I dreamed of a certain department.
I actually wanna buying it.
And a duplex.
I redid the kitchen in the shower.
My shower had five, you have five guys in it.
Tommy, Tommy, tip to tip.
We could have a party in my shower.
Justin just got hired.
Oh, yeah, it's a five guys.
That's how he measures showers too.
How many, and an able bodied men?
How many, how many, how many dudes could fit into this shower?
How big is a shower?
A wrecked man or just regular?
That's another six inches per.
I literally, when I had the guy put the,
I had three, a collarower tiles put in the wall and one up up top and then another shower wand
But when he put in the shower ones in the wall
I had them hit my my I stood there and I had a measure it so it hit my dick
Measures my chest and my face. That was it. That was in a demeaning day at work for that guy
I'm waiting them. I he was a Russian. He didn't give a shit. We put whatever you want.
Like it's dead close. You want to do hit your packet. How long your bowl sang them?
You know, a dog was probably getting off to that low one. That's how you get off in the shower.
So where? Oh, okay. I
Can she's hugging hugging the wall. I love that her confidence dwindled on that joke.
No, that's how I'm not doing a wall. I love that her confidence dwindled on that joke. No, that's a fact. No, that's a fact.
I'm not doing a joke, I'm actually saying that.
I'm just telling you how the woman's body works.
Yeah, I live there for, it was such a great pad.
And when you buy a house, this is the funny part.
When you buy an apartment or you're gonna buy a house someday,
it's never the house you expected. It's never the house you expected.
It's always the house you buy is gonna be,
both times, even the apartment in when we bought the house
were ones we were like,
ah fuck, I didn't wanna go look at it.
I saw it, I wasn't gonna fuck it.
Too small, shitty.
And then when always look, always go.
Cause we were looking at like five, six places a day
and just about to commit suicide. Cause can't something's wrong one place was great
But it was a six-floor walkup. They like we'll get it and then you picture. Oh, I'm gonna have to carry gross
Fuck this this place was we went in. I was like this is it. This is the fucking place upstairs downstairs
47th near every fucking train two blocks from time square Square, two blocks from the West Side Highway, my dream pad.
And we had to sell it to move when we had the baby.
What?
But you got the dough pals now with the big backyard.
I mean, like, yeah, but I always, I always pictured raising my kid in Manhattan.
Oh, it sucks, dude.
It's, yeah.
My sisters got, we have, they have two twins,
two and a half year olds, and then a one year old.
It's like, in the winter,
to just get everybody dressed and go down,
there's nowhere to go, you just boxed in, dude.
It's nightmare.
It is, it really is.
I remember driving home with the baby,
I don't know, we went to IKEA for some shit.
And I had a rent a car, go rent a car,
stay in line for a 45 minutes to rent a fucking car on a Saturday or Sunday.
Get in the car, go through the house, pick them everybody up, go through traffic, go to the car, blah blah blah, load the car, go around, drive around the
fuck it, sit in the traffic through the tunnel, coming back, driving around looking for a spot to pull over, having to have her
be with the baby in the car, me unload the shit.
Right, well everyone's honking at you because you double parked. over having to have her be with the baby in the car. Me unload the shit. Right.
Well, everyone's honking at you because you double parked.
I left the car up at one time.
I saw just a random old white lady go in my car and grab something.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, the person you would not think.
Yeah, yeah.
Ring the bell.
That's for all the black people that are in the car.
Right.
I mean, that's all that's all because you were living in the city.
But I was literally trying to park this car
because the rent the car place was closed.
Gripping the steering wheel, going fuck, fuck this place.
As I was coming down the street, cars were pulling out
and cars were just pulling in front of me
and parked because there was like a nightclub, two blocks up.
People don't even fucking live there.
And I was like, where, out, where, fucking out?
That was your New York City moment.
There was a car, I got to fight with a homeless guy.
I went to Toys R Us.
No, babies R Us was Times Square where we had to go to.
And a lady, I remember two ladies with their kids,
one cut the other lady in line,
the other one spitting her hair,
and then they started fighting in line with children.
Dude, babies are us.
At Times Square, it sounds like I don't think I could think
of a more anxiety provoking place.
No, but you don't want a kid, you don't want a city kid.
Justin, are you grew up in the city?
I grew up in Queens, which is a little different.
I was, I'm like a city kid.
I was like a kid who was like hopping the train at 10,
but I was like a Queens kid, which is different.
It's like a little bit of a fucked up.
Why?
City kids see too much too soon.
What do you mean?
Like little kids shouldn't have to know
what a homeless person is at four years old.
I disagree.
But they're rubbing elbows.
Like I used to do this.
You're a chap, but I used to go to the Starbucks
and I would see this kid who's like 10 years old.
And he would come in like a mini adult
like with the paper and get like a small coffee.
And you'd be like, what is this kid has no childhood?
Like they take, you need a little bit,
you need like the struggle of like getting to a movie
with friends, like that innocent struggle.
I disagree, I know, I agree with you.
Like they can have a gap.
I agree with you, but I disagree with you.
I think seeing, I bring Max into the city
and him seeing all these fucking people,
you know, homeless people.
Blacks.
Well, everybody, that many people,
and playing at a playground with that many kids,
and seeing all the fucking crazy shit,
gives him something.
I think it gives you a little edge
that a kid that grows up in the suburbs.
And then they come to the city when they're 14 and like wide eyed. My kids never gonna be wide eyed
coming into Manhattan, the greatest fucking city. So when he went to Belgium, he didn't give a
fuck. He ran around. He didn't, it wasn't like, what the fuck? You know, he was just like, fuck it.
But that, that like innocence, there's something good to that too.
Like just the, you know, you meet those city kids,
especially like the guy like they're doing fucking drugs
and shit omely.
You're too high,
cause you just use the word innocence.
I'm in thoughts, they're sons of self.
I'm in full agreement with you dude,
cause as a kid I would look at kids like that
or I grew up with all the kids from camp.
I was like the one city kid.
You could tell when the trunk shows up at camp,
everyone's got like a foot locker, you know what I'm saying, Bobby?
So you camp.
At camp.
Everyone's got these guys.
He doesn't know your son.
I worked at a kid at Bauercrest.
Everyone, I didn't have a foot locker.
So the day you show up, everyone's shrunk
from front of their beds.
Everyone's got these, mine's got like graffiti all over it
and like, skateboard, so he was all fucked up.
Everyone's like, where's this kid from?
Yeah, but you were the fucking kid
who got to bang the chicks.
No, no, no, I was like, it's fucking Chubby,
like, art loser, I was never like that.
Really, you Chubby?
Yeah, I was like Chubby and all into like, art
and I was bad at sports and I was like,
good at graffiti and drawing and stuff.
I was like, an outcast.
We understand how drawing works.
Please, but what's up with the hand gestures?
I'm just doing the Jared hand gestures.
You guys both take courses and stand up New York.
You want to be successful at stand up.
Make sure you make a picture.
Come to the synagogue.
Learn your hand gestures.
It makes you better at stand up.
I think I think Jewish church is way funner than
Jewish church.
Yeah, whatever the fuck it falls.
Service church service, right?
Yes, service temple.
Temple. I think it's way funer than Catholic church depends which one you're going. I mean,
the best is Baptist. Like that's the most fun people watching.
That's the black people singing and dancing.
Singing and dancing. Oh yeah.
Getting that's a party. Yeah, but that would freak me out because I went to one. Yeah.
And they gave out first of all my recovering alcohol. And when they gave out the, the,
the, the, the, they give you the blood of Christ and the body. And when they gave you the blood, it was actually wine. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, but I'm a, I'm a, I'm a recovering alcoholic and when they gave out the the they give you the blood of Christ and the body and when they gave you the blood
It was actually wine. Yeah, so it's like yeah, but I'm a I'm not gonna lose my sobriety to go to church
And then when they gave out the bread it was actually just wonder bread
No, they just blessed you can just you can make anything the body of Christ
Yeah, you can make fucking yeah, you can make wonder bread oh bread and a spelled oh and e
Der you know, it wasn't even like the name brand wonder bread. I was just all right
Well, I think wonder bread got the joke across
Being it barely got a last
I'm gonna add to it fucking Mike that
Got out you got to never do fucking weed again. They're the edible
Is it you still high from it now? No weed again. They're the edible, killing me.
Is it you still hiding from it now?
No, I just feel like, you know, a little zend out.
A little zend out?
Oh man, you seem a little stoned.
Yeah.
What are you doing in your titties?
I smell my deodorant's now working.
Can I tell you one thing there,
when I saw Iron Man the movie,
one of my favorite movies of all time,
they read the first, they're original.
Yeah, where it gets caught.
Oh, okay.
When he lands, yeah, I can fly. Yeah, just
The most confident character ever fucking created badass badass and the one part that I didn't like when what's your name pepper?
What's your name?
Pepa pots. Is it pepper pots? Is it pepper pot? No, it's not pepper pot. It is pepper. It is pepper pots.
I went pepper pots. They when he went to when they, oh, there's a big event hosted by Tony Stark
But he's probably not gonna be here. Is it go fuck you? I'm going and he shows up and he sees her
She's in a beautiful dress and he goes over and dances with her and she's like, what are you doing?
We can't dance you're my boss and I don't I'm not wearing deodorant. I smell
Fucking ruined it.
You pig.
Every time it's like,
fuck it.
Dance, you idiot.
Granith Poucher, you pig.
Dance with the billionaire and like it.
It is not, first of all,
go wash your pits.
Go to the bathroom.
Get some soap.
Go wash your pits, Peppa Puzzle.
The theater doesn't work, though.
A chick can bring down any moment.
Did you just get a guy?
But that guy made the effort to go swoop a woman off her feet.
And she has to like down herself
because of her confidence issue.
And be like, I smell like shit.
Okay, just dance to Vivaldi.
You know, like why do you have to like,
why do you have to bring this moment down
with your confidence issue?
Why would you tell me that your pit stink?
Because in the pack of his head, he's going to be like, this chick smells like shit.
She's trying to call it out before you can get to it.
But here's the deal.
Here's the process, babe.
Go to a CVS on your way to the gig.
Go to the bathroom.
Get a little towel, fold it, wet it, soap it, wipe it.
Get another one, wet it.
Just no soap.
Clean it. Get another one, fold it, just no soap, clean it, get another one folded, dab it, you're done.
I just don't like when movies try to make us like, and then don't fucking dance to
Robics routine, you were just doing full the shape, it's that bit pop it, then they're press free wine.
I don't know if everything just do it there. You're fucking Joe Kilp, my rock lopsid in the fucking just been highly half the room, but you were yapping.
Jesus, do you have headphones work?
Let me fucking turn this up for you.
That's it.
Jesus.
He also does a second hand movement dance of the podcast.
He Vogue, he just fucking Vogue.
There's a second Vogue-ing that went with the Joe.
Pop it, lock it.
But I understand that because it was very catchy
because after you were done,
I was like, I wanted to kind of do whatever you did.
No, that's what I was doing.
Tim, you was just kidding.
Hi.
Fucking Christ.
No, I think you're right.
It's like, just shut up.
Well, it's also like what movie they're trying to get us.
We're all like, considerate.
There's no way.
I'm sorry, go ahead.
But I just think they consider us animals.
They're like, oh, we need to let the audience know
that Pepper Pot's is cool.
It's vulnerable. It's vulnerable.
It's vulnerable, cool.
Someone you could, someone a nerd could talk to.
Let me tell you something.
There's no way pepper pots forgot the odorant.
Road in a fucking, you know, 100,000 oil limousine.
Yeah.
Two in a vent with the richest guy on the planet.
And didn't go, hey, you know what?
Let me stop and get a little deodorant at the fucking right a.
It doesn't have any Chanel on has no perfume like I was just this is
Similar to like if you watch the Gillette commercial that they have no this is Gillette commercial where they're like
They're trying to compete with harries and dollar shave all the shave clubs that are out there, okay, and they're like
They're like Gillette is made
Right here in Boston By a Boston America and it's like, they're like, Jalette is made right here in Boston
by Boston America.
And it's like a Boston accent narrator.
And it's like you're doing the Jalette commercial.
What the fuck, ring that bell.
I'm a funny song.
Boston people,
what does that mean?
No, I'm saying it sounds like it,
like it doesn't.
I do, I know it.
A hint of an accent.
And it's like, we're supposed to go,
oh, Boston America.
You know, you know, like is that, that's how dumb do you think I am And it's like we're supposed to go Boston America
You know what you know like is that that's how dumb do you think I am as an audience member? I'm actually real dumb because I actually did that when they did you really I was like wow
It's made in the fucking my hometown
I don't buy that as a child like that doesn't give me the spend more and like like a dog shaped of Harry's
It comes literally to my door okay end of story I'm not a let fuck you go buy Gillette dollar shave
club at first of all that they're not a sponsor of the show so I can say what I really say
whatever you want stinks okay and I'll tell you why I shave my head okay and if I can't shave
my head with it it fucking blows with it with the mocked rees. You don't shave your mouth. The mock three. I could fucking shave. What is that?
That's your let though. That's what I'm saying. Jellets good. Right. What's the difference that you
find between the two? Because the Harry blade is not as good as I'm going to say this to stop.
They're all fucking. They're all we're dealing with very small, you know, I mean Harry's
played is good, it's better than a BIC.
It's fine enough.
It's fine enough.
Yeah.
It's no way near a Gillette.
A Gillette's played, a Gillette played is, has six plates.
And it vibrates?
Well, I don't know about that, you're queer.
No, got the little, the buzz.
And I put it on my asshole when I'm fucking poor with a big with PJ He likes to watch me come how really high and that's your way of come by if I put the knob of the Gillette
I come drink the and I put it inside of my prostate and I go buzz and then he sucks me off and then I come high
Come on
We all the same way as July is really what just no vibration does the come high mean like come long like what do you mean come high come
Come high come low listen, you don't need to I don't need to what are you fucking I like the visuals
Yeah, but this isn't the rubber Roman classes, right? I'm not that teacher just a little fall along with the fucking class
Oh, you fucking go downstairs of the basement where they have snakes and wait benches
Justin was worried that the the come high would miss his face.
I'm so glad you waited.
That's time.
He waited till I was done ranting and then he went, you know, a boom.
I just like these dollars, I understand for you where you have a very specific need for these razors.
And you're like, okay, I have to judge them a little bit more.
The fact that we need to take make the mailman work for you.
There's no reason to go to CVS or Walgreens anymore.
It's my point.
That's why all these ones that come to your house,
I'm out, I'm doing, I do it with toothpaste
and toothbrushes, they come every three months.
Just take that out of your life.
I'm gonna say this for Razor, and I do agree with you on that.
I just feel bad that the people that ride eight or CVS,
there is a job that you're giving somebody
by going out of your house, putting the kid in the car,
going down to ride eight, letting them run around the aisles,
pick up a few things I need, and then that fucking lady
behind the desk, that Indian family who bought the ride eight
and every other ride eight in the fucking country right now has a fucking income and.
Bobby, it's, that's the scariest thing that's going on right now. No one's talking about it.
You know, there's, those jobs are going away. And all the books,
broken mortar, the toll booths, anything that you see out in the street.
And it's like everything that's going on right now, like, that's the thing I think,
race stuff. It's not race. It's not all that people just need to be working
every day to feel good about themselves
and pay for their own bills.
And right now those jobs are going away, it's scary.
Yeah, but you're taking away a community too.
When you have to walk down, when I walk down the store
and I park the car and then I'll go to Starbucks
and then I'll walk over to the hardware store,
the local one, not the home depot.
Sure. And I'll go in there and ask the guy for blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I'll walk over to the hardware store the local one on the home Deep, oh sure and I'll go in there and ask the guy for blah blah blah blah blah and then I'll walk over to the donut shop
Get Max and don't and then we'll go to CVS next door and I'll get a couple raises or that's a whole community
That's a bunch of people that if they know. Hey, how you doing? Hey Max?
That's you lose all that when you just stay home and go on your phone and order all shit from Amazon and everything comes to your fucking door one person
Is I'm friendly with one guy Sam the mailman. Yeah, dude. Here's another fucking package and but it's I agree with you
But it's going away. That's like talking about reading the newspaper at this point. I know I miss that
I miss open up a fucking newspaper and getting ink on your hand cuz it's 900 degrees on the subway
I mean a lot of people were called racist and assholes for saying like when they were
like make America great again.
Like, I mean, that can be put in a certain direction where people make America great.
When, when slavery was around, it's like no one's saying that.
There's people that are saying make America great again for these small things.
You know, where they, in their reality, they don't see it the way that someone of a race or a different ethnicity would see it where it's like
What are you trying to go back to there?
This is what I'm saying, but I'm saying there's this is the stuff we're losing
This is what we're losing in this country and we need
To have more and if you kneel during the anthem you hate this country and
get up there Bobby.
What if my speech just kept getting more and more racist and we need to get rid of
Asians.
Wait, what?
I don't know but I think there's like a there's an element of that stuff is going away. I love that
He got a flag and it was awesome, but he didn't make it big didn't make it big
I could have made it big oh that would have been the best thing ever. Yeah, fucking slow fat fingers
Couldn't get it. You need a diabetic keyboard. That's what's gonna make me so well. You have a diabetic keyboard
Do you need a big you need a big one? Oh, I'm just happy you got the word diabetic out.
I'm happy that I thought it was serious, but you're just doing a joke.
Yeah, that was a joke. I'm gonna work on Mikey, I'm kidding.
You're doing a good job.
I'm dead.
I'm gone.
It's over. This shows over.
But this is kind of what they're talking about.
We're losing that you look at like Amazon.
Everyone's like, where's that new Amazon factory gonna go?
Because they want to help out of town.
But those Amazon warehouses, whatever they're there, they're just like robots picking up your shit. It's not even people.
Not even people. Oh, it isn't.
Most of the most part.
Oh, listen, where are we're a long ways away from just robots?
I know.
That's still has to be.
They have that thing.
I'll tell you what, you have ever runba.
Okay.
I've never had a runba, but I know a rumble is a
Rock vacuum cleaner You still need a person to plug it in to make sure it's still gonna fuck up
My friend had a rumble and he had a kid dog and the dog shit on the hardwood floor
And then the rumble spent all day spreading it like peanut butter somewhere somewhere
So when he came home, he had a whole new hardwood floor. Yeah, it was shit
Somewhere a Latina woman just went, oh, deals, meals.
Yeah, Bob, you're a techie guy.
You're all into it.
Do you have like Alexa and all what are you automated in the house?
I have it all.
I have a button right now.
I can turn all the lights on in my shed.
That's right now.
It's just a shed.
That got pretty big.
That's why that's why I have that on my,
on my computer. Can you see Dawn at home, do you have those? I have that on my all my my computer.
Can you see Dawn at home?
Do you have that too?
You want to see her?
I can turn on all the lights in my shed.
Why have I such a creepy first reaction?
I can suck the oxygen out of my dungeon.
That's where I have my sleep.
I can wake up the child that's locked in my shed right now.
I can think about it.
And then water will fill their cage.
They're cage.
They have 24 hours to get to her.
I can feed my sub at any moment.
Do you have one of those things where you could see
if someone rings your doorbell, it alerts you?
No, but I'm actually getting one of those too.
I have an electric doorbell where you just stick it on
outside and I can pick the doorbell I want.
I have a camera that I can, it's wireless.
So I pick it up, I can put it outside.
So when Max playing, I can put in the bedroom.
Max has one in his room, but I can take him with me.
I can do whatever I want around the house.
But yeah, I have all that shit.
We're living on the set of Big Brother.
I'm just curious to see how it does.
I love it.
Because you know, some things you like, some things you don't.
Some things like, well, me and Don are outside in the shed,
let it not be smoking a fucking cigar doing work,
because that's where kind of my office became,
I have an office in the house,
but it's right next to his bedroom.
And I like to smoke bats,
so I have the shed built, everybody knows about it.
And I smoke out there,
it's fucking amazing out there. It is cool out there. Well, it's's it's it's fucking amazing out there.
It is cool out there.
Yeah, well, it's even better now.
I finish the whole thing.
It's you need a name for it.
Yeah, the shed the shed.
I can't take it.
Well, don't come either come up with one or
I'm sorry.
We don't got some creative people here.
Well, the shed.
I like the shed's great.
Just yeah, the shed could be good.
You got to have a sign above it.
Better do something with stars.
What a little sign.
What a little sign.
A little bit of yeah, little little one.
Fuck am I 90?
I'm dead.
There's another.
There's another.
You're my hamster.
That's for you and the kid.
They actually did you had a experience.
Did you do it at summer camp?
Have you sent them away for summer?
We're the Ling.
You do like arts and crafts.
You do like, you should do that.
I want to just get classes that he did at the time.
It wasn't gay, but you know, oh,
said today.
I just feel like that got overplayed already.
But you being gay?
No, about that.
There's just a thing.
There's like, no, of course not.
Not that.
It was the art sync kid at camp.
That's his other hand, Justin.
I'm a gay talent.
Let me know.
You're not gay.
You're not a talent.
I, uh, shh.
Ooh. I, uh, I don't know. I just think that, uh, I have a daddy. I am. I am. Shhh. Ooh.
I am.
I don't know.
I just think that, uh, I have a lot of technology.
I like technology.
I love the latest and greatest.
I'm buying it.
I'm gonna go camping next.
Not I was gonna try to do it this year,
but I'm doing it after Christmas.
From the beginning of this past, dude.
I'm buying a fucking air tent.
Oh, yeah, I had one.
Yeah, an air one. Yeah, and I had a yurt. I'm buying a fucking air tent. Oh yeah, I had one. Yeah, an air one.
Yeah, and I had a yurt.
I had this one that, where everything popped out in two minutes.
It was like a pop-up tent.
It was called the, it was a space pod.
It was called the space pod.
It's a pop-up tent.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what it's called.
I want one.
They're all called pop-up tents.
Well, they have pop-up tents,
but I'm getting an air, an air tent.
It's an air inflatable tent. What? Just a lot of camping talk that I don't connect with. Have
you ever been camping? So it feels like you're leaving out the Jew. I'm going to camp
by myself somewhere. You're not going to get, yeah, I'm fucking
with Dave, kick you to the curb and be camping in these village. We're going camping. Listen,
I met this other girl. She has tattoos and Lewis likes her. So, I'm actually getting the top one.
Now I wanted that one. No, no, no, the air go. Air go strat is 600 isn't what I'm
getting. Yeah, you blow it up, but it's the like the strongest tent ever.
That's a good one. Glamping. Turn the volume up. The 600 is a spacious six person.
This guy was so serious.
This is the voice in Jared's head right now.
So, see you thing.
The Gillette commercial.
No, this is the guy from Apple.
He does this too.
Oh, really?
This is his side company, he made.
The tent.
The tent.
It's size and premium features.
Kind of hot.
I could hear the calm on his tongue.
I've just stopped for a second.
Yeah. I said it is the apple guy.
Lauren went really?
No.
Are you fucking tongue with the fucking,
the apple guy is literally really in vain.
Yeah, he's making tense on the side.
Look at how much more culture is,
you got to bring up the Gillette commercial after this,
just the difference from like how classy this is
to the Gillette, you knowette me like we make it here
This guy's like you'll be sleeping oh no on a bed of of roses
While in your master bedroom of the tent there's I'm getting this I'm
Stratus six
The strata six I got it into the boys
Strata six sounds like a like a vibrate commercial. Why would you stop for a second?
Why would you get a tent with the poles? I like having the poles shit. Of course you do
Why would you get to 10? Well, the fucking polls that you're gonna lose
and put together, you get this fucking thing,
you lie it out, nail out the sides, right?
And then you blow it to fuck up.
You know what's it?
You know what's cool? The shift pod.
Well, you looked up, that's another cool one.
I bet it does.
The shift pod.
Also, look up Hyatt.
That's a pretty good one too.
Hyatt. Lizard, corporation. My kid spends enough time. That's a pretty good one too. Hi it.
Lizard corporation.
My kid spends enough time.
I can't really say any love show tells to.
But the chef, like nothing sounds worse to me than this.
That looks like NASA.
Yeah, that one's for the desert because I used to go in Josh
for a tree all the time.
That one's for the heat, no heat gets in.
Plenty of vibrating going on that.
I can't even see inside.
That's why I like this tonight.
You don't have to use it.
A nice guy fucker tent.
Yeah, things don't.
And I also have just two dudes fucking.
You won't have to worry about anybody seeing you put your dick
and the guy's ass with the shift tent.
Get the air pod 500, because you can fuck anyone as loud
as you want.
Everybody knows how hot it gets when you fuck other men
Not in the shift put you can fuck all day. I want you to do it in my voice though
I'm not getting that hunk of shit. I'm
Not seeing it's awesome
Pop it out. This is the dumbest thing I've ever done. There's difference in tone to the other 10.
Yeah.
That is tense.
I'm sorry I don't have sexy 10.
Yeah.
The other 10 I really want to fuck.
Yeah.
I want to fuck the 10.
Look at that thing.
Bam.
It thing stays cool.
I want to fuck this 10.
You want to marry the other 10.
It's 10 to school.
I don't collect it.
This 10 I think is mentally challenged.
Where are you going camping Bobby?
Um.
I shut down. Oh the dork just Um... I shut that down.
Oh the dork just shut.
I hate that tent.
I hope that tent dies.
Yeah.
That tent stinks.
Max would be scared.
It's darned.
It's fucking there.
Why did they think that that music was a good idea?
It was a good idea.
Look how easy it is.
I just kept feeling like a bunch of clowns were going to come out of it and fuck me. Oh my god. Here's a July
Oh, here you go play it up louder
And at our factory in Boston
1200 workers are starting their day building on over a hundred years of innovation all the hundred years of innovation
Please and this morning we're probably making
Gillette quality more affordable, bringing you
America's number one shave at lower prices every day.
Now more affordable than ever because nobody
outdoes the men and women of Gillette.
You can just stay
just enough to let you know what you're
supporting.
I could hear them going to Duncan ordering a large regular.
It's crazy because I lived in New England for four years.
How?
When?
Because I went to college up there.
Where?
To improvidence.
What village?
Johnson and Wales.
Really?
Yeah.
We were just improvising.
You're just finding the stuff.
I've said this to Bobby.
I just said this to Bobby like 9,000 times. You want to talk? Johnson and Wales? Yeah. And you're here finding this. I've said this to Bobbi. I just said this to Bobbi like 9,000 times.
You want to go?
Johnson and Wales.
Yeah.
And you're here with me.
Oh god.
That a good school.
Here's the thing kids.
Don't go.
You don't need college.
College.
You don't need it.
Just go work on a podcast.
Just go work on a podcast and data comment.
Just smell your armpits on a podcast. You want to Johnson and Wales to become a producer of a show and data comment. Just smell your armpits on a podcast. You went to Johnson and Helps to become a producer of a show
and an esthetician.
I worked in my field for five years.
So, all right.
All right.
Well, you know, to make fun of that,
I'm not fucking having fun.
Colleges and friends.
What was your field, Lauren?
That was a big lie.
I did sports management.
Sports management?
Yeah.
What did you do in sportsman?
I worked for the garden
Look at Jared's cock getting hot now. Oh, fucking sports management
What do you do? Do you have a gelette? I'll tell you about real I'm gonna say this about raises and I learn this on Howard Stern show go
You don't don't need shaving cream. It's that horseshit. Really? Really? I haven't used shaving cream.
You go just water on that.
I have not used shaving cream in two years.
Can I ask you a question?
Is that because of the strip,
the special strip that Gillette puts?
You have good skin though.
I have great skin, not good skin.
Fucking great.
You do have great skin, you only baby skin.
And it's not because it stretched out either.
Before that joke pops out.
Listen, here's a deal.
Is it, you don't need... It's because it's not because it stretched out either before that joke pops out. Listen, here's a deal. Is it he you don't need because it's stressed out?
It's still.
Wasn't the one I was thinking of, but you know, I'll think it's a.
It's you don't need it.
The razor is it's all a horse shit.
Have you noticed that shampoo is the same way?
Have you noticed that Gillette having same way? Have you noticed that Gillette, having a shaving cream is bullshit.
Hot water, you need a sharp blade and your skin to be wet
and it needs to be hot.
But is that because of,
is that because it has the lubricated strip first?
If I just go shave like that, I'm gonna get a rash.
You're out of your mind.
You're out of your mind.
You won't.
You get a rash because you shaved the wrong way.
You get a rash because you didn't clean the blade.
Keep the blade clean and you can sharpen the blades too.
They actually have, so I've had the same blade for seven months.
Undisposable.
Same Gillette blade.
I'm coming over.
Seven months.
You know what?
Haven't thrown it out because I heard Howard Stern one day talking about it again.
You can use the same razor for fucking ever.
I've never had a dad.
I need to come over and have you walk me through this.
I will.
I was like 13.
I'm telling you to.
You just have to, you have to keep, keep the, not in the shed.
Keep the,
that'd be funny.
Bobby over Justin's over his back.
Come on.
So with, oh, with the grain with, with the razor cover still on.
Now you try.
I mean, now you guys, you guys definitely have a
thicker face than me. You know, you have, you have five o'clock shadow and fucking, you
know, two o'clock. Yeah. How many days grow? This is a morning. He shaved this morning.
This morning I woke up. You're the manliest man. And man popped back in. No, I, I, I have
a thicker, but I, I do agree with what you're saying. Like all this stuff is marketing. It's
all bullshit.
The shampoo versus soap, what's the difference?
I used to panic traveling, how am I gonna get shaving cream?
And I would put like in small content,
you don't need any of it.
It's all garbage.
It's all garbage.
You don't need it.
It's all, hey, there's a shaving cream.
Huh?
Earth is flat.
That's not true.
Do you shave your balls? No. Did you used to it before you were married? I've trimmed my balls. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not gay. Or use the word blend. To describe it.
Blending balls.
I see my balls. They're unreal. I don't want it.
I mean, not you, but you know what I mean?
percentage of you know what I'm
gonna make your balls. I would never know.
No, you know, so I don't I don't shave my balls.
I don't shave my butt.
I go number two. No, that I don't do.
What's that? Like a number two razor over the area
and then I'm done.
I mean, a number two real.
Oh, like I on the shaving. I've got trim them. I I'm done. I mean, a number two real. Oh, like on the shaving.
I've got a trim, I don't shave.
I've gotten hurt that way.
Yeah, you can nick with the buzzers.
You can nick your jet.
And that skin is very, I got hurt that way.
Right, you don't stop bleeding.
You know, it's a little.
You don't stop bleeding.
Yeah, I nick my bush fat this weekend.
Your bush fat.
Let's push.
Through your bushes, that's your bush fat.
Why is the word fat in it? It's hair. Fupa doesn't matter. Anytime you can lose all the where your bushes, where you, that's your bush fat. Why's the word fat in it?
It's hair.
Because it doesn't matter.
Anytime you can lose all the weight in your, the world,
just loving it your bush fat.
It's like a little pinch right above you.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
The cubes are.
The skin.
Yeah, that skin's always going to be yours.
Get a little bush fat.
Yeah, you can be shredded.
That's my favorite word.
Yeah, okay, well, you can have it.
I'll give it to you.
Bush fat.
There's nothing scarier than just having any amount of nicking or stuff.
I nick my bush fat with the razor.
I got a brand new razor.
You thought I got fucking stabbed in the trachea.
A lot of blood.
It was, I had a face, one of the medium face cloths.
Yeah.
I had to throw out because it was red.
Medic.
Medic.
Yeah, it looked like I murdered somebody.
Wax down there, you know how painful that is?
Waxing is way better.
I've had my asshole wax.
Oh.
My wife was in a statistician for fucking 17 years.
I tried to do it myself and I went to go pull on it and it got stuck and it was ripped
off and it didn't come off.
Is that what your armpit smell like this?
Yes.
Don wax my asshole many times.
You let your wife wax your ass.
I had the whole joke of my act about getting my asshole
because she was waxing my butt cheeks
because I had to do a movie where I showed my butt cheeks
and she's like, I wanna get, I'm like, all right, I'm done.
I'm out.
She's like, no, I wanna get in there.
I'm like, where? She's like in your butthole. She's like, no, I want to get in there. I'm like, where?
She's like in your butthole.
It was like a thing for her.
One to 10, how beautiful.
Well, no, because it was just,
she does this for a living with women
and she's like, you should get,
while I'm here, let me get this.
What were the shits like?
And what do you mean?
Post, like what did it feel like to take a shit?
After with the waxed asshole?
Yeah. No different.
No different.
No, no different.
Wife's weren't easier.
Don't show off, vagina police.
We'll get fucking broken together.
You know what's good?
If you get your insides of your nose, waxed.
I had that done.
It was okay.
It's like a lullipop.
They take a stick with wax.
They've waxed, poor waxing, you need that.
Stick it in your nose, the stick.
And then they sit there like this and then they go pull it out
and it looks like a hairy popsicle.
Don't you need nose hair though.
I know I pull out nose hair on a daily basis.
There's no better feeling than having what?
I've taken one one one out.
Don't you need it though?
No, I'm a cat.
Filter.
What?
Filter's all the stuff.
It's there for a reason.
It catches all the stuff.
So you don't I if you see if you get rid of that, it's like then all the common space will
go into his nose and then you sneeze a lot. All the cum will go in his brain. It's already in his nose. Listen, it's a
cum stopper. It's a, what I'm saying. No, I, you probably do need it, but, you know,
vanity has, you know, superseded fucking superseded, you know, need or, you know, necessity
necessity for years.
So I mean, form over function.
I get what you say.
You want to you want to quick and easy way to take care of nose hair?
If I don't push your listeners, man, get a lighter, light it and just,
you know, fucking way.
Oh, we got no way.
Yeah, if you're in a pinch, just get a lighter.
That's about it.
I just got this freaked out as I did, taking it by camping.
I just go like this. Oh, get taken by camping and just like this
It was burn all the nose hairs you'll be good Bobby wanted to know how painful was the waxing
The ass terrible and then how itchy was it as it was coming back. It wasn't it wasn't It was not itchy, but my ass got little pimples. I look like a 13-year-old Jewish boy a camp. That's why I don't like that's why I don't like when girls wax their shit
Jewish boy a camp that's why I don't like that's why don't like when girls wax their shit
Got a bar mitzvah butt
I I don't I don't like pimples on a pussy. No, that's why I don't like when they wax I like it in these shades. They don't there's nothing worse than a nice hot ingrown hair on the side of a girls with
Jaina and then she has to explain it like pepper pots. Oh
Sorry about that before you get down there. Oh, sorry about that before you even get down there.
Oh, I got a little ingrown hair.
What?
Oh, no, and they have to pretend like it doesn't bother you.
Like a skin tag down there.
I have to fucking hold it back with your pinky.
I'm pushing the side.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I had a pimple.
Why I always carry band-aids.
I cover a fucking.
You cover it up while you go down.
Infections.
Yeah. I got a little round ones. Why I always carry band-aids I cover fucking you cover it up while you go down imperfections. Yeah
I got a little round ones in I had an ingrown hair in my dick and I
Your dick fucking brutal on the dick on the chef like on the chef
Listen to me on your chef. It's like to the right of the chef right now not right now. Oh shit How many how many how how long on to the chef shift right by the base by the base. Okay, that's okay
It's around eight inches up about eight inches up midway
No, but then I like I remember I texted
texted to Stefano just being like this can happen right and then he said yes, and I felt better
Like you just need one person to Stefano
Chrissy D, this weekend,
trolled my Instagram.
What did he do?
I put a thing up and he wrote,
he just wrote, nobody cares.
Just being a troll.
So I immediately blocked him.
Really?
Just blocked him.
And I texted him, you blocked.
Don't troll me.
Wow.
And he was like, what?
You know, Chrissy's so, he said, just a sweet guy.
And he goes, you're joking, right? And then he went and checked. And he was like, he was like, Sam? You know, Chrissy's so, he's such a sweet guy. And he goes, you're joking, right?
And then he went and checked and he was like,
he was like sad.
He probably thought awful.
And, and, and, well, you know, whatever.
And then I said, don't fucking troll me, you cock sucker,
whatever, joke with them.
And I, and then he, he goes, troll this.
And he sent me a pitch, a picture of him
in sweatpants holding his fucking junk.
And he must have had just a fat hog going, good.
I was thoroughly impressed.
Really?
I thought he had like a mortadella down like something like somebody just went to the
deli and came back and look like a hoggy.
He was just holding on to this back.
Yo, but he definitely chubbed up and doesn't matter.
But I'm saying how funny is that that he definitely chubbed up. And it doesn't matter. But I'm saying how funny is that
that he's chubbing up for a dude?
Would you not if you were going to send a dick picture?
I would, but I'm saying like he's in there,
but I would.
I got to get this guy back.
And then he's like chubbing up his dick.
Like, oh, you're taking a picture of it,
getting ready to be sent to like,
like, that's how you'd send a joint check.
I literally just unblocked him immediately.
Exactly.
What are you doing, man?
What a massive fucking, I'll never question him again.
You tip your hat like a respect.
Oh, yeah, I was like, you know what?
You respect.
You respect.
Just like Jesus Christ.
Fat Hulk.
Jesus Christ.
It was massive.
I'm perspective had some play on it.
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
He's taken a few of those before.
I wouldn't put it past him.
Woofee.
Put it next to the remote.
All right, listen, I got to do this read real quick.
When I get it, we're going to talk about the Las Vegas.
Oh, yeah.
When we get back, we're going to talk about, we're going to talk about a couple things happening.
I mean, Puerto Rico's a fucking mess.
Mexico's a mess.
Everything's a mess.
And of course, Las Vegas is a fucking mess.
But before that, our sponsors, first of all, mess and of course Las Vegas is a fucking mess, but before that
Our sponsors first one. I want to thank everybody who is a premium member. I was in Tampa this weekend
Holy shit
It was like four sold out shows
Mike Calton crew
I did radio with them and they are the best. I fucking love those guys. They all came to the show, it was awesome.
The shows were packed out, all fans,
YKWD fans, up the fucking kazoo.
Premium members too.
I wanna thank you for being a premium member,
for joining up and supporting the show.
It's, you go on the website,
it's, you can download the app for iOS.
Robert Kelly, you know what, dude, up.
You know what, dude, app? Join up really easy. And every month I put a few,
there's a couple brand new one on ones up there. I got another one going up next week. We had a lot of new shit in store coming out to working on now.
So thank you so much. Premium members, you guys are amazing.
And YKWD fans that showed up this weekend.
members, you guys are amazing and YKWD fans that showed up this weekend. Third, fourth, seven time CME over in Tampa. Insane. I want to thank Judith.
She comes and see me three. There's people that came four times, three times this
weekend. That's awesome to the shows and brought people different people
every night. You guys are the best. I fucking love you guys. So I want to thank
you guys, but I also want to thank you guys
for supporting our sponsors. We get the sponsors and if you guys don't support them, they're not
going to come back, but we've had this sponsor for a while because you guys are actually using it
and you should because I use this one, okay? I just, I just deepdiscount.com. I just got,
scroll down a little bit. I just bought two DVDs.
I've been buying DVDs.
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It's too much.
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I bought Blades of Glory and then I bought the other one.
What's the other one?
Scroll all the way down.
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Not Jaws.
Where the fuck was it?
Oh, X Machida.
I, I just love the movie and Ronan. I bought Ronan with, uh, that's a, that was for me.
The Ronan 47 Ronan is, uh, Kiana Reeves. I just like that, that genre of movie. And you
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Okay, here's the deal.
This is gonna fucking, I don't know where anybody lies on this subject
I don't even know where I lie anymore
This Las Vegas shooting oh
This is the fucking thing man. This could happen every single day
This could happen all the fucking time all day long every day
Everywhere in this country ever in the world somebody can grab a in this country could grab a fucking automatic handgun
rifle
Handgun and just start taking people out ten of them. He had but here's a deal. We can do that
Every day we could be dealing with this shit
Every fucking day and we're not because we're for the most part
Americans a good human beings
We love each other. We're proud to be American. We're proud to be part of this country
We love our neighbors and our families human decency we do life. And this fucking lunatic got a hold of a ton of weapons.
And now they want to know why, why, why? Who gives a fuck?
What, what, what, what is that gonna fucking do?
Well, I mean, that makes people feel more comfortable.
What?
Because to know that like I, I, I, I, I really, I really that makes people feel more comfortable. What? Because to know that like I'm really into like
a tumor, something like what?
Everyone wants to place it in a box and everyone wants to put things in black and white
when really it's just more gray than we want to believe and that's even scarier.
We want to believe that we're not even close to the person that could do such a thing.
So that's why people separate in this Democrat Republican,
people separated into their teams.
So everyone's getting into their corner,
trying to feel better about themselves
so that they can say, look at what you people do.
I mean, what you're seeing a lot,
the whole thing's depressing to me.
Like I really felt like down yesterday
is because it was on all the time
and you couldn't get away from it.
I watched it once. I watched it once.
I watched it once.
I went online once and I put it down.
Yeah, I cannot live enough.
I can't live enough.
CNN, Fox News, everybody wants you to fucking,
they want you to live in it all day
because they want you to get to that commercial.
Yeah.
Fuck them.
I don't do it anymore.
Can I say to one thing?
I just don't do it. The one thing that really drove me nuts is that when people would tweet things like, uh, well,
all the people who go to country, western festivals anyway are all gun-toten. When people jump
on with that shit, it's like, dude, fuck off. Like people saying that though, like, yeah, I
saw a lot of shit during stuff like this, what I see a lot of that, like, is a lot of
straw men being built. And it's like,
oh, stop, stop, explain straw men. Like just building up like a figure that we can all
hate. Like I can be like, I can sit here and be like, all those women in hipster Brooklyn
with their, I can invent a character that you would imagine and be able to hate very easily.
I was joking about this thing. I had no idea. I had no idea I'm glad to know.
But I'm saying, but like, the, the, the,
I understood.
Yeah, I was just, I'm still confused.
I'm actually pretending that I didn't understand
I didn't understand.
I really needed the explanation.
I'm with Lauren.
You go on Twitter and like the replies to people
are just insane.
Like it's like someone just saying like, you know,
people just speaking in grand terms when it's so nuanced,
it's so small. Like there's so many angles to it
that there's no 140, 240 character,
some of the thing that can sum it up.
Yeah.
Who is for owning guns in this room?
Are you are, you are, for you can own any gun you want
anytime.
No.
No.
You believe that?
I do. Okay. Why?
Because it's a free country. You're allowed to do whatever you want. I was nothing. It's
a friend. It is. Why can't you have a bomb whenever you want? Then why can you have a gun
on a bomb? It's we're allowed to have guns. But why can you have bombs? We've always been
allowed to have guns. I don't understand. For the amount of guns that this country has,
it the tragedies aren't, they don't,
like there's thousands of, hundreds of thousands
of guns in this country.
But here's my problem, there's one of the arguments
I heard of gun, gun people.
There's a difference with people that are okay
with guns and then there's gun people who are like,
fuck you, that's my right.
It's in the constitution.
And those people, and I'm not even killing them. I'm a, of course, in the anime.'s in the constitutes and those people I'm
is no of course I'm not in like those are like those those people are like
there's two sides let me just finish my thought before I don't mean to cut you
off but there's two sides of it there's people who love guns like people who
love fishing and like to buy all the fucking shit that goes with fishing and
there's people that love shooting and they love to buy as many type of guns and
shoot as much shit as,
cause they like to go to the range
and shoot a sniper rifle, a 50-cal,
a fucking, you know, a sharps, you know,
and Teeqra, they like to shoot, I get it.
But then there's the argument that it's all right
and we should be able to overthrow the government
if we need to and we should arm the people
like they did back in the day, but here's a deal
I don't give a fuck if you have all the guns you've ever wanted
If the government you're not gonna defeat the government
We're not as a people
Gonna defeat the government our military the greatest military of all time, if you think fucking
70 militia red necks with fucking a Ks are gonna
Defeat the the United States Marine Corps
If if the president said go fuck these people up and take their guns
You think you might put up a fight, but they'll they'll fucking fly a drone over your head and wipe out your fucking barn in two seconds. I don't understand
No, Rambo like we're gonna we need these guns just in case we have to throw over throw our government
That's never gonna happen you overthrow the government by by politics and by technology and by vote like you know voting and shit like that and getting in there
You're not gonna you're not gonna overthrow the government with guns isn't to argue more for people who know we for more people who are into hunting and things like that and getting in there. You're not gonna overthrow the government with guns. Isn't to argue more for people who know we,
for more people who are into hunting and things like that.
That mean,
look at hunters don't use automatic rifles.
Hunters, the best, the better the hunter you are,
listen, the better the hunter you are,
the less guns you use.
Really good hunters use bow and arrows.
When you start hunting hunting,
you ever notice those guys will fucking,
it's fucking gone.
I'm gonna go out there with a grizzly
and a fucking, and a fucking toothpick.
What's the other one?
I'm gonna fucking take a grizzly down.
And a straw.
Yeah, a straw to toothpick.
And do a blow dart.
What?
What's the fucking, that's a hunter.
That's a hunter.
So these guys, there's no hunter with a fucking AK.
That's ridiculous.
So what's the argument, so I'm asking, Lauren, what's the argument for people like, okay,
you're allowed to have guns. You can have a revolver. But what's the argument for someone's
like, no, I need an AK 47 or a sniper rifle. Why? Well, because if you just, I'll tell
you what, I want to tell you. And I think, I think it is. And I'm not sure. But I think
it is that it's your right to own it. If you want it, like, okay.
It did pick another hobby. Any other hobby.
Pick a hobby.
It's a hobby to people.
I got that.
So, to own a sniper rifle or an AK,
if that's my hobby collecting guns,
some people's hobbies to collect antique guns.
So, why can't...
Like, Jay Leno's garage.
If the amount of cars and the red...
He has the
car that runs on steam right he has no necessity for the car that runs on
steam but his car you know him go his car down the street you're not like
sitting there but I'm saying so there's someone I agree that to take you know
the other side on this there are people who have such an interest in guns that
they buy the version that is the steam-powered
version of a gun that goes ha-ha on the side of the street.
But, you know, they should have the right to do it.
But how come after 9-11?
People said, check me as much as you want.
I got nothing to hide.
Check me, check me, check me.
Why don't we say the same thing?
Why don't you hear that same thing for guns?
Like, check me as much as you want.
I don't want to, I just want my gun.
Do you know, why don't we have that?
Why does it become, I just don't understand
what the same person after 9-11.
Exactly, Jack.
You're making a great point to me.
I just have more questions.
If you want a fucking AK, if you want an assault rifle,
you should be have to go through whatever procedure
to make sure that you are not to make sure you're
not a fucking lunatic. I mean, look, you shouldn't give a guy with no eyebrows more than one
fucking automatic rifle. He has no idea. He has no idea. He has no eyebrows. The people from the Middle East have a lot of eyebrow. A lot of eyebrow.
Also, look, go back.
That's it.
That's it.
That's no, that's no, bros.
Yeah, he doesn't physically.
This should be a fucking, this should be a physical, like you should look at him.
You know what?
Now, we're not giving you one.
Why?
Because you look like you'll fucking kill people.
He's got less eyebrow than I have bowl hair.
I would have it.
You're an unfinished Mr. Potato head. That's why anybody on that couch does not get in the
saw rights. Yeah, no, the couch isn't getting right.
Was they did they dig into his pass and see if he had any psychological stuff that they
are now?
I claim that his dad is dad. Yeah, his dad was a his father was actually a bank rob.
He was a bank rob. But he was a bank robber.
But he's fucking criminal.
But is that the kind of thing that would keep you
from getting those wept?
It's you getting those wept?
It's the video of his brother,
it's you know, the brother being down the founder.
Bring up the video of the brother.
Yeah, the brother.
We hear stuff like that.
Yeah, don't listen.
Don't enjoy the show.
I want you to my brother.
You can't believe the brother spoke about him.
I agree. Yeah. Yeah. I the video the brother brother you can't believe the brother spoke about this. I agree.
Yeah.
The video of the brother, you can't believe that brothers know each other that little.
What the?
You know, like he was like, yeah, yeah, someone's like, what about his wife?
And he's like, I would call her like a girlfriend.
I'm in her three times.
Like, who's met you?
You met her three times.
Yeah.
And then she's in Singapore.
Like, where's the girlfriend?
Why?
Like, I want to know, and I do think like,
when you're like, people wanna know why,
I'm one of those people.
I'm like, I just wanna, I could eat the story all day.
Because you're a fucking psychopath.
I don't know, I don't want you, him.
You're the fucking psychopath.
But that doesn't answer the questions to me.
Like, this guy seemingly of means and.
Hang on a second.
What's the last time you talk?
Can't do that. Pause it.
I haven't talked to him in six months.
Pause it one second.
When you open up a video, make sure the volume's down first on the thing and then open it
up so it doesn't scare the shit out of every time.
I felt like somebody was killing us.
Lauren strapped.
We don't want to upset.
Yeah, there's another hurricane.
Yeah, there's another hurricane.
Always make it big.
Volume down, make it big, then hit play.
And then, but look at me and I'll tell you when.
I'll let you go.
And for all of you aspiring comedians at home,
that's how you do it.
Text me.
Yeah, I can show you the text exploring.
It's like, are you okay?
Yeah.
We talked, we had something to talk about.
Would you?
And he texted me a picture.
Okay, stop.
He's a lunatic.
He's fucking that.
Look at that.
That's the other's crazy too.
Yeah, where's the eyebrows? That should be rule number one.
Maybe that's what he was shooting at.
People upsetting and have eyebrows.
Like, stop for one second. Look at, listen to this guy.
Look at play it. Listen to this fucking guy.
Yeah, he sounds like childlike. It's just weird.
I mean, he should, he is probably very upset.
He's like, hey, look at my brother, but just the biggest mass shooting in years history. I understand why these people I don't understand why these people come outside
machine
But that's the way he played
He's not a normal guy. He say expand on that bigger like right
I don't want to play
this again let him finish he played video poker he's in the black on like his
poker play and he is gambling he's okay video poker he's ahead because he would have
his card in every time I mean he played played high stakes video to be able to stay in the home in the casino.
Did you see this coming on? How do you feel with my foot?
I mean, I'm not even going to answer that stupid question.
I just can't see a lot of it.
I don't know. What do you expect the guy to say?
Nothing. Yeah. Yeah. You shouldn't have came outside.
You just wait and you're at the same questions say nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You shouldn't have came outside. You just wait and you
you're have the same questions we have. Nothing. The father lawyer. Does he? Now if my brother
fucking took out 60 people 500 from a window with the the way he'd I would say nothing. I would
fucking say nothing because I wouldn't I'd be speechless. Yeah, I'd be my brother
Just murdered innocent what the fuck his guy. Oh, I played poker. Who not he's giggling. I mean, I look I'm not saying this guys
There's no way for him to look good. I'm not you know, there's a way shut your fucking mouth
Well, not being looked at at all is looking good. I mean, I understand that all the shit's out there
But I mean for him when he goes he goes, he's a lunatic,
wouldn't you, if you're the reporter, just go,
yeah, explain that for us.
What do you mean he's a lunatic?
Like what do you know?
What made you say that right now?
What makes you sick is that these reporters
are out there just trying to just get down.
Like paparazzi.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why don't you let the cops do their fucking job
and find out what this fuck knows.
You know, I mean, I couldn't take my eyes off of him though, like I just watching him answer
these questions, like I as a consumer, like we're a part of this too, like we're clicking
the clickbait. It only exists because we're watching it. And I'm watching it going, yeah, I want to
hear every little thing this guy has to say if I say it.
I actually also want to know, I really want to know what face max Drew Barrymore does use.
I'm looking at that. I can't wait to go to that later.
I mean, they airbrush the shit out of that.
But it changed your life.
What a weird thing.
I want to click on that so bad right now.
Can you imagine?
Can you please click on that?
How did you find that Drew Barrymore's face wash?
Well, it starts with his guy killing 50 women.
Koreans are taking over the beauty industry,
like Japanese and like people are coming back from trips
with all these like crazy Japanese face products
that are like made from like horse anus.
And like it's like horse anus, right?
It's like really.
Did you scrap that out?
I swear to God, I'm gonna sit just I hear this.
It's.
Is it any of that because they're Asian like that they just have nicer skin?
Like that's the quality.
Hey, yeah, one second me.
When am I playing your club again?
October 20 October 20. Fun club. Have you been there? It's a great club. It's up in Pekipsi
It's it's very close to where I am, but if you live in the city
I love it that comics just take the train up get off the train right in the right fucking there
I've only driven up good food too
Good food. Have you had Jared up there yet?
You got to get Jared up. Do you have you?
Have you had one was last time? I've done it three times, man. It's fun.
Great club. Great place. You helped me out when I was having my daughter.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Some some issues. Yeah.
I'm glad she's healthy, man. Thanks, man. Yeah.
Yeah. I don't get the, all right. You go back to that. I don't get.
I don't get what the fuck. Go back to the logo.
I don't get what the fuck's going on to the logo. I don't get what the fuck's going on.
I mean, what are you saying now?
How do you not put some type of, put something like,
okay, I believe you should have whatever the fuck
you wanna have.
I don't give a fuck, but okay, if you want that,
like if there was a laser, if there was an laser gun that they invented if there was a laser, a gun, if there was an laser
gun that they invented, there was a real, I would want it.
Sure.
I'd want it.
Just shoot balloons in my backyard.
A flame thrower.
You know, yeah, just a laser, like a real laser gun, just fucking business.
But if someone was taking, you know, tech gadgets, you're into gadgets.
If somebody had a laser gun on the train, instead of fucking shooting through people's heads,
yeah. Would you say, well, I don't want to be checked
to get a laser gun?
I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I would be checked me.
Check me.
If it took me a year and a half to get my laser gun,
I wouldn't give a fuck.
You should have to, you should have to jump through
fucking hoops to get some shit like that guy had.
I'm TSA approved and I'm global one entry.
And everybody was like, all right, guys, go and do it.
They're gonna know I don't care.
I'll tell you what I just got.
That's fucking creepy and amazing.
I hope you pull out an M16 right now.
I just.
Is it aimed right at my head pulls out the Drew Barrymore face wash
at an M16 already got it.
Don's on TV tomorrow.
He's like gambling.
And it's a lunatic.
Bring up citizen app.
The last trends in votes.
Comodity 10th from 29th to 99th.
Daeshman, much for Andal.
I mean, I'm going for my TSA interview.
When's tomorrow?
You know, go for it.
Have you ever get a double TSA?
Go global one. What's the difference? Global know, go for it. Have you ever get a double TSA? Go global one.
What's the difference?
Global one is the world global hence.
We go up and he Bobby just got the world.
I really did.
I'm a world traveler.
I just became a Jap.
The world is Jap.
No, global one's better because you can use it all over the.
Like when I go to, when I went to Belgium,
it was great coming back in because you didn't have to wait in that shit line.
I just scanned my shit gone.
There was a line, a two hour line.
I went right by it expensive and it's it's TSA too.
So it's the same thing.
It's a hundred dollars for five years.
Really?
You got to go to JFK terminal four.
You fill out the form online, give them the credit card, pick a date, you can go down, go to terminal four,
Park the car right across the street in the parking lot, go in, the guy goes cool, fingerprint you, and then you're out. It's two seconds.
That's awesome. It's no drama. Who they do a little background search on you, whatever, who gives a fuck?
I walk right through lines. I never wait in that shit line. And then if you really want to op your life, get a fucking platinum M.A.M.X.
Spend the 400 a year, put you in every lounge. Most lounges will let you in.
Delta?
Delta, oh, if I love Delta. Watch this shit. Ready? This is a new app I just got. Go ahead.
911, what is your emergency? I'm in Prospect Park right now.
I'm by the playground. There's a man here. He just pulls out a gun.
Okay, man, we're sending something right away.
We ready to go to the park?
He's here.
7-8-80 on the air.
Heading goes central.
Can't respond to mail. Fire on your prospect.
10-gram.
From heading west.
What do you done?
No, no, text the ghost mouse, because I won't.
Come on, Louise. Most because I want it.
The music on this is awesome. Yeah What chance do crime and corruption have when technology unites the forces of good? I Citizen now operating in New York City
Yeah, that was out of the
Too much the production on that commercial. I got I got chills on that. I can't I don't want to know
I don't want to know you look at the sap
Oh right now. This is you got to get it. Listen right now, what's my fucking old man glasses?
They make me look fucking two men fighting at gas station.
You're going to do it.
Have is it Lewis Gomez women attacked by Chinese restaurant?
What?
Oh, a Chinese restaurant.
That's awesome.
I said, bye.
I went and attacked a Chinese restaurant three minutes ago.
That was a porno.
You wrote five, five, five, five, seven grand street police officer may need I said, bye. A woman attacked a Chinese restaurant three minutes ago. That was a porno, you wrote.
55557 Grand Street.
Police officer may need backup, four minutes away.
Assault.
Let's go.
330J Street.
Two women fighting.
First, have any 70.
Bobby, don't you think we know too much?
If you haven't, buddy.
This right here, if you have, listen, if you have,
I know you're saying.
If you have a kid, right? If you haven you have, listen, if you have, if you have a kid, right?
If you have a, but here with the day we live in,
this is great because you, we,
you're going over to Washington Square Park,
your phone beeps and says,
200 feet away from you, there's a man with a gun.
Get the fuck out.
You set the parameters the right where you are,
so otherwise it's gonna be all day and drive you crazy.
No, it knows where you are.
Right. And it just, you're like,
you set these parameters.
It's in New York City.
So it uses your phone, but you can also say, fuck,
I'm on the train and there's two guys fighting
and videotape it in the cops come.
So we're actually checking, we're crime fighters.
We're all kind of checking each other and helping each other.
So me with my kid Max walking into
Washington Square Park, I'm not gonna become a fucking victim with a dude with an
AK, right? Wiping people out or if there's a mob, an angry mob coming through
the, you know, Antifa's fucking ripping people up and then I'm sitting there with my
kid. I'll know about it. I get the fuck out.
It's like that website with the pedophiles
in your area.
There's actually a TV show about it
with Jeremy Piven right now.
You know what I'm talking about?
Is that what that show is?
It's a saint, it's exactly that.
It's like catch a predator.
Go online and you see who are all the pedophiles
in your area.
They're like in your town.
But that, I mean, that's been around for literally 10 years.
That's been around, I don't know.
That just, to me, I just don't want to be on that.
It just feels like everyone's like so afraid.
How do you make the list?
Like, what you're saying, like you're right.
Yeah, I want to know if there's a shooting going on nearby,
but like at the same time, like, I don't know.
If you saw something happening,
somebody just robbed somebody in the park
and you could just have your phone and go,
that guy right there.
What are you getting that app for that
or are you getting it to save yourself?
Both.
What you're saying it like one's worse than the other?
Well, why would you, are you getting that to help people?
Are you getting it just to help people?
Are you getting it to save your son and just you?
It was just to help people out.
You're not gonna download it as much as you save it.
Rabbi Fried is for the good of everyone here.
No, but I'm not saying it's wrong.
They're both people.
They're both American.
I think they're both American hero.
Is that a job?
Why would that be a job instead of a job?
I think they're both great.
I don't know.
I don't know. I just, it feels like we want to be afraid of something.
Like it feels like with that, like,
the even that commercial makes me feel uncomfortable.
Yeah, it's praying on your,
it's praying on your insecurities and your worries.
I just want to stop right now,
and I want to everybody.
Can we just applaud Mike?
Mike did a good job.
Michael, that's a fucking you know what my one time a
One-time fucking explanation and you did it, okay?
Wisdom of the crowd. It's very Lauren-esque. I like it. Let's go now see if you fuck it up
up you turn them okay
Panic and dissect evidence real-time proud source of prime solving and as of right now it is active.
Let's get to work.
Welcome to the high detective.
This is where we maintain the database
and monitor the platform.
We've had any evidence before it's posted.
I'd rather watch the other show.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why don't you watch the app commercial again?
That was a fucking this.
You're on team Piven. Is there a more one to mention? That's what team you're again. That was a fucking this. You're on team PIVAN.
Is there a more one to mention?
I'm not a team PIVAN.
You're team PIVAN.
You're in the hive.
And you're in the hive.
Yeah, you're the one citizens arrests and group thinking.
Jared, I'm just saying we are you are two.
I know, but I'm not like, I just don't like,
you see how people act online.
I'm like, we don't need the group think of catching.
It's not group think, buddy.
Okay, you have your phone in your pocket,
you're walking from the other side of the park
to over here to do a spot, right?
You got, you know, what, one spot on a Saturday?
So we come down, last spot of the night.
You know, hosting at the bad black.
Cause you're at danger fields.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm doing the checks at Dangerfield. You're doing, so you're running through the, now, you phone beeps, it knows you're late because you're at danger field. Yeah, you're not a fucking doing the checks in danger field.
You're doing, so you're running through the, now, you phone beeps.
It knows you're getting close because of the GPS.
All of a sudden it beeps, man with gun in Washington Square Park.
Yeah, listen, that, that scenario is there is, I'd want that to happen.
I'm just saying, I don't know if we're convincing ourselves these,
it's back to that whole straw man thing that I explained to you guys earlier. I, I don't know if we're convincing ourselves these, it's back to that whole straw man thing
that I explained to you guys earlier.
I really appreciate it.
I really appreciate it.
Let me explain it for everybody.
I know we all didn't go to college.
Hang on me.
Hang on, let Jared.
Just that we're inventing these scenarios to like put ourselves into this fear, fear mongering.
Yeah, fear mongering.
I don't think that, I don't think it's fear me me too. Go ahead
criminals use that to though. Yeah, what how?
We have that app. How?
Put up a false report right on this side of the park.
On over the other side of the park. Kick the old lady over stealer purse. You're good.
Great idea.
Everybody's going. I don't understand. Say that again. You too is a criminal mastermind.
It's a you make a Rooch. The criminal has that app. Yeah. He makes a false
reprimand my doppelganger. Yeah. He's the evil. Yeah.
He's the me that lives up in Bikipsi. I live in
I live in
Good Bobby. Good Bobby.
He lives in West Chester. He goes, I live in West Chester.
No, yeah. Bad Bobby. How are we going to do the crime? Bad Bobby? You're up a West Chester. He goes, I live in West Chester. Nah, you know, bad Bobby. How are we gonna do the crime, bad Bobby?
You're up a West Chester.
I'm gonna run.
I write, relax.
Oh, do you really, that's fine.
I'm back.
That's what, what's his name's lives from the walking dead?
Who?
Um, what's his name?
No arm.
No.
What?
The motorcycle guy?
Yeah, we're all dumb.
The motorcycle guy?
Paul Rudd, up there.
Paul Rudd? Paul Rudd and him.
Paul Rudd and the guy from any time we want to bring this up,
the guy from walking dead.
The motorcycle guy.
That lives in what's his name?
Norman Norman.
Yeah, Norman.
Yeah, he lives up there.
They actually have a candy store.
No, I read has a candy store.
They write back.
They write back.
It was an old candy store that was going. There on their candy stores too easy it was sorry coming to my
way literally everything went slow motion I went I saw you go
so dirty they're gonna dirty no not him the outlaw you
and care that you got to stink right now Lauren you
and cared all that you're on pit smell like that. He wouldn't give us shit. Oh, that's a that's the town with a good DQ
walking
Walking the walking dead actor lives in Rhineback. What's his name? The guy that had the Lucille the bat
Negan Negan who plays Negan Negan
So Rita says her house up there too. Yeah, and who?
What's his name?
I love him.
Oh yeah, he looks like Benicio del Toro.
Jeffrey Dean Morgan.
He's fucking bad at.
JDM.
A lot of actors live up there because the,
he has a farm.
A big huge farm.
What?
What?
That's the move, right?
What?
Farm?
Farm upstate.
Yeah.
Here's the way from it all. Here's the move. Moving up to
Rhineback somewhere up there. Yeah, maybe not that far. Okay. You don't want to go up that
far. Is it like Hudson? Yeah, it's up to top further than that. It's like by a
move out. There's a couple lakes up there. You could get a nice contemporary house on the lake. You know what I mean?
That's ebac contemporary.
And then-
To get that in Jersey.
What?
Will you bring up Jersey again?
I'm gonna hit you up.
I'm gonna hit you up.
I'm gonna hit you up.
I'm gonna hit you up.
I'm gonna hit you up.
I'm gonna hit you up.
I'm gonna hit you up.
I'm gonna hit you up.
I'm gonna hit you up.
I'm gonna hit you up.
I'm gonna hit you up.
I'm gonna hit you up.
I'm gonna hit you up.
I'm gonna hit you up.
I'm gonna hit you up. I'm gonna hit you up. I'm gonna hit you up. I'm gonna hit you up. I'm gonna hit you up. Come on, but where's the gabagoom? You can smell and go to work at the same time.
No one cares.
Jeffrey Dean, he is the best of everything.
Look at that face.
He's got all.
He's just gray.
So impept.
Perfect.
He was in PSI love you.
He was like the guy.
You know what?
You know what?
Do that on your girl cast.
I'm going to do it. Bobby, what? You that on your girl cast. I'm gonna do it.
What?
You know who else is up there?
I don't know.
Liam Neeson.
Oh, Liam Neeson.
I love Jimmy Norton calls him soy sauce hair.
Soy sauce hair.
That because he dies his hair and it looks like soy sauce.
Ah.
Fucking home run Kelly.
I, uh, yeah, he, uh, it was.
Yeah.
I would love to live up there. That is the dream.
Get an awesome house up there. Bunch of land.
Just chicken. Oh, and when you gotta go to, when you gotta fly out, you just helicoptered
down to some airports off the grid, man, off the grid. My friend lives up there. Get some
llamas. He's got his own fucking plane and a runway. This guy like, uh, this guy like
sold some app and made like $50 million. I love
a big house up there. He's got a plane in a runway. I love that you had the runway.
Runway. Runway. Not only does he have a plane. He's got a runway. He's got to go with the
plane. He's got a plane. Most people got planes. Don't go runway. He's got a runway.
He's taking off a grass and shit. Like a lot of's a run away. It's two words Ron and then way he's got one
He's gonna assess the 250 and a runaway
Yeah, yeah, you're fucking Mars tent. Yeah, that's a great would you like to
Would you like to like the cool beans and sleep at the same time?
Get this That's a great one. Would you like to, would you like the cookies and sleep at the same time?
Get this desert head.
You can fuck dudes and cook beans.
All with balls in your mouth.
Yes.
Hey, did you ever want to fuck your friend on a camping trip and not have anybody see inside?
Get this Mars tent.
My friend tonight.
Look at this Mars tent.
He is a runaway and we flew in on his runway and camped on his property.
We fucked all weekend.
I'm Justin Silva.
Ruff ruff.
Like you just turned me from deep Boston.
I know I can't get a roof.
Get this mask.
Hey, have you ever been camping in her In the palm of your hand
We have new acoustic insulation on the pop-up tents on the monster on the monster
Yeah, you can not only can you not see inside you can't hear the fucking that's going on the guy fucking going on and this
Pat is incredible. I
Can't three guys at once in this tent nobody heard a whoop
At Walmart no one will hear you grunt
Your fucking tent stinks
Home unfolds in 10 minutes unfold that home
That thing looks like a fucking no transformer. Oh my god
It's a mass on me. It's some ass home.
It's some douche bag.
Yeah, some douche bag.
Go back to go back to the city app.
Do you want a home that unfolds in 10 minutes
and fuck your friends in it?
With nobody looking in?
I got the 10 home for you.
Secret safe for us.
Glamping.
The next 100 people that go to get a runway with your home.
A runway. He's got his own runway. 600 people that go to get a runway with you Run away
You're fucking taught I look at it so funny too because now
Jesus I can't fucking believe this guy took out all those fucking people. I'm going to Vegas next week I'm going Tuesday. It's gonna be very easy to get a suite
at that hotel, my friend.
You insensitive piece of shit.
I'm telling you.
What do you think?
You think that?
How easy is it gonna be?
How easy is it gonna be to get rooms at hotel?
I mean, you do have those two discounted rooms
in that hotel.
I mean, are people even staying in that hotel?
Yes, of course.
They cleared out a floor and then they probably
did the rest. Yeah, of course, they're not gonna fold. I mean, you have to support that hotel. Yeah, of course they cleared out a floor and then they probably did the rest.
Yeah, of course they're not going to fold.
I mean, you have to support that hotel.
You can't, you can't knock over to that hotel.
I mean, people should stay there at that hotel for the fact that it
happened at that hotel.
Yeah.
I'm just happy that this is how did this.
Oh, what's that going?
I know.
I know.
That was an excited screen.
Very excited.
You got something to say.
Sorry. I just want to see how a guy rolls in with all that fucking ammunition.
How did you do it on his own?
12 suitcases.
They said.
12 suitcases.
One guy.
You lost Vegas's out of control.
What did you say?
Lost Vegas is out of control.
We'll say it the way you said it with confidence.
So let me back you out.
Lost Vegas is out of control.
Why?
Lauren said as if this was a cool Vegas pool party.
Lots, Vegas is out of control.
You should go up to ride back.
My friend has a runway.
You can fly from Vegas to his house.
No, but you got to go to Vegas.
They have these pool parties.
Honey, I've been there.
I got a fucking guy fuck tent.
I was in Vegas for two weeks last month.
Didn't spend one night in a hotel.
I was in the parking lot of guys. With my mom in but guys will just buy you bottles here. Yeah, I know guys by me
I got I got my guy we go to my fuck 10 guy fuck that we have bottles up the ass nobody even see why do you selling Mark
Walberg right now?
What you doing? I love Mark you mark she likes my mark. You're just tangent late like whatever pops up
You just take you just follow that balloon
You're just tangent like whatever pops up you just take you just follow that balloon I'm squirrel braids
I don't like that that's my rage
I'm a great wall part of you fucking guys in the ass isn't bothering you
It's the accent not at all which I do it in sir
I want to get a guy fuck that now. I'm gonna get
Get Mark Wahlberg and also I'm gonna get a hot guy Mark Wahlberg and nothing to do with this
Dizzy
You fucking two the same dumb
Yeah, yeah, strong man, and you both went I feel like I'm sitting in between like the twins
I like him on the show because I can my fucking intelligent
Yeah, I how much you brought through room rate?
You off.
Listen to me.
Mike's learning.
He is not learning.
He's like a cyborg.
Is there not an apology or an acknowledgement
or something on their website like a dressing this?
What do you want?
Just do gotta be something, Bobby.
You're dressing that like, you know, what like a cake with a
brother.
I don't know.
I don't know.
You would think there'd be something. I don't know. I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know you would think there be something I don't know
We have that I don't some Michael Jackson's one is cancel. What is it?
What did you say the Michael Jackson?
Farmer. Let me say did he have something to do with this? Oh, Joss. Please don't do any more jokes
I don't want you in trouble. Let's have no we have to explain listen go to the can you how much is the room?
243 and I yeah, let's shape 20% off. Yeah 20 nice room. 243 a night. Yeah, that's cheap 20% off. Yeah, 20. That's a nice room. That's it.
How much do you think it should be? What the fuck? Aren't we happy this didn't happen in Boston
dead type, so that we wouldn't have to listen to like a whole year of Boston strong. Like, I mean,
I don't mind Boston strong. I just don't like fucking Idaho strong. Everybody has some
good. I'm saying I don't think there'll be is a I think Vegas will handle it
well you know like I think they're already handling it well but I'm saying like
Boston has has something happen it's like no other place nobody else would
have been as strong as these people here it's like oh we're just gonna other
cities would have disappeared that can I say the face of the earth? I want to say something though. Sure.
Boston is fucking.
Oh come on.
It's they love being the underdog.
But we bought it's not the underdog.
It's that Boston people, I think I know they're just,
they're a different breed of people.
Not you out in the suburbs.
I'm talking close to town.
This is, you just, this is a problem.
This is the right area.
I take it because you don't, you just don't buy it.
I don't buy the ferry to.
Yeah, the other guy that didn't go,
Jill and Hall, I'm afraid to go to Souty late at night.
Who would go there?
I think it's Souty.
Of course you did.
Mark Wahlberg's there.
Yeah, you don't like, you got picked on by townies growing up.
I just don't buy it. I don't like you got picked on by townies growing up. That's why you're all
I just don't buy it. I don't buy the narrative fucking little fucking
Polo wearing asshole fucking hat that don't fit your head guys got beat up going into the red socks game
I don't buy that about a 17 tickets
Sully and Murph that couldn't get into the Red Sox game because it couldn't afford tickets.
Well, they just got to do the longer than
the bucks and Celeste and Vegas.
You're just mad that the Boston strong fucking cuz we rise up
rise up.
That's a good song in this city.
Listen, I think the bot don't tap this as off.
I said that type of Boston guys gone though. No,
they're not. My ex was that no, he's not. He's fall river. That's like the worst of it.
Yeah. Yeah. He's strong. He's still. Yeah. He's so fucking strong. I, uh, no, I mean,
it took it. They take it a little too far. Would you agree? Like I just the idea of it.
I don't own me and Boston. No one would it. I don't. Only embossed and
no one would have came back. They don't say that September 11th, they did the same thing
in New York. They did the same thing in New York. Look, when a town, they're going to do the
same thing in Vegas, that Vegas people who all transients, who you know, fucking they're
not like nobody lived, people have been living in Vegas for 13 years. This is kind of like
the stories that are coming out now.
They're like, look, you think Vegas is just a place to party.
Yeah.
Look at all the people giving money.
You're like, okay, yeah, but you know,
it happened out of Vegas party.
It's a whole party.
It didn't happen.
No, it happened out of Vegas party.
No, no, one person that had happened to live there.
Well, no, it's happening to country music now.
It's not just like the city.
What are you saying?
Like country music and all the country stars.
Yes.
It's, you know, all like country people come together.
Yeah.
Type of the country strong.
Control music strong.
What do you want people to do though?
It's something that they have to.
Do you just got to be?
Everyone just turns into a marketing.
You need, you need, you need some solacellularity, even if it's just like a,
even if it's not authentic, whatever.
You need, I think you need like when boss, the Boston bombings happened.
Yeah.
I think you need, you need something like that to, to say, like when it happens, when
the September 11th happened, you know, we, but it also rallies people around America,
but it rallies the other, everybody else in the country around
that city.
Of course.
Right?
I don't want to ever work Boston again.
Do you?
No, I love Boston.
You hate Boston.
You hate the Boston bombers.
You did.
I thought they had a couple points.
Oh, Jesus.
No, I'm saying like the, I'm going to get a full.
But dude, I'm playing last Boston this week.
The ticket sales just dropped.
No, I'm just saying that there's this,
right now with the internet, you know,
there used to be a way that you could like convince yourself,
like with sports.
Boston, yeah.
You could convince yourself that this team represents
this city and you can make a pump up video on the local news
and get into it.
And now with the internet, you could look up a same pump up video for the San Diego Padres.
Well that's like part you'll be saying cleven is the best city with amabinda.
This is what I'm saying.
There's no innocence anymore.
The cat is out of the bag.
How did that go back to the innocence from earlier?
I'm just saying, well, I watch a video like this where it's like this on our fucking
city. Like someone would say it somewhere else. You're a piece of shit. to the innocence from earlier. I'm just saying, well, you watch a video like this where it's like, this is our fucking city,
like someone would say it or somewhere else.
You're a piece of shit.
You really are the latest.
You really need to be fucking taken down enough.
Why?
You need to be,
you need to be on a plane,
have a crash,
and you need to live in the fucking woods and survive.
Like alive with,
like, eat your friends.
With Justin.
Why am I getting looped into this?
Can I have someone?
Someone's gonna fuck somebody.
What? In the town. So here's gonna fuck somebody. In the town.
Here's what we do.
We find the runway and tell them we fucking my lean to.
It might lean to.
I'm gonna get a little sore.
Dude, you gotta give them, when that happened in Boston,
you gotta, you know what, you guys are gonna get through this.
Oh, they're saying we as Boston people are gonna get through this. Oh, they're saying we as Boston people
are gonna get through this.
Of course.
So you gotta give it to him.
I understand why it's done.
I think it's a little different than a team
saying where are the shit?
And then going to another team and going,
no, where are the shit?
I think it's a little different.
I just think that notoriously,
good word, Boston takes it to the next level.
You don't think New York takes it to a next level? I think most East Coast towns. I get
that. I think Northeast. Northeast towns. Northeast towns. Philly and Boston. Where the
shit? Yeah, yeah. You don't see that Boston come Boston comes with that blue collar pride
that New York doesn't do that. You know. You know what I mean? Jersey definitely does.
We know.
Just saying.
Jersey, Jersey, we know you.
We know you're in the state area.
But definitely.
Yes, it's fairly.
Filly does and Boston does.
Fuck, Filly, I think is even worse than Boston.
They are.
Well, Filly kind of like prides itself on being disgusting.
Yep.
It's funny.
Which is a weird thing to pride.
They like pride themselves on being gross animals. So like throw batteries at people and you're like, yeah, which is a weird thing to pride. They like pride themselves on being gross animals.
So like, grow batteries of people.
And you're like, yeah, that's disgusting.
That's what we do.
And it's like, what?
If you go to a Philly Punchline homepage,
Philly Punchline Comedy Club, go to that homepage.
It's fun.
They have so much pride in their club.
It's Philly Punchline.
Yeah, the homepage is ridiculous. They have so much pride in Philly that it makes me sick.
It's just a Philly everything.
Philly, a comedy.
Philly everything and they just have like Philly pride written all
and all everything is like they just can't look at that.
They put the best comics in the world.
I perform this really just really just
see you put this up for me?
Wow, what a move.
What a move.
Friday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
Wow, whose face pops right up?
They have so much pride.
So much pride.
It's crazy.
Look, what a coincidence.
I don't know.
I just, you know, I think it's,
I wonder what's the next, where, where this is going to go politically with this whole, I mean, if you think of the tragedies that have happened, Mexico, the hurricane, it's a lot.
Puerto Rico, well, then everything Houston, everything is to put it up. It's fucking. And then there's so many, I feel bad for the little places like Marco Island
that got fucking wiped out,
but because it's not such a devastation
like Houston or Puerto Rico,
that there kind of being overlooked a little bit.
And these people have to,
I mean, these people have to have no home
and their retirees.
And it doesn't help the Trump after every single one
it becomes the discussion on the discussion. Like every single one one that we have to have like the what happened now with the more now what did he say now?
Here's you know what's I've been doing lately. I've been reading Trump's Twitter replies
Man-scaping man-scaping that's how I said Trump's to her replies is how I man-scaping I
But I was in there just reading them and getting fucking, you get,
if you go to any one of his tweets,
just like, there's just like a little brawl happening
underneath it.
I can't look at it.
It gets me sad.
It gets me so frustrated.
Because they've just, there's no middle ground.
Like it's just, you're against us.
I'm against you.
Everyone has chosen a team.
It's just great.
Even with the shooting, everyone like,
you know, the one thing that I see a lot of is like
You know everyone wants to be like why aren't you calling them a terrorists and it's like
Okay, call I don't know why people get so offended that he's not called a terrorist and it's like okay
Maybe some do some don't well. That's not our issue everything every issue becomes like everyone's side issue
Like it can't be that this guy killed a bunch of people
And it's fucking miserable and horrible and we got to figure out a way to make it harder for people to get guns
It becomes well, this is white men and it's like okay
Well these aren't transgender
Yeah, it's like okay. I guess it wasn't your team that did it like I I don't know why that's important to you
That's exactly what it is is it that they have, they have to strike when
this shit happens because they, they shine a light on their cause or their group. But
it just makes me hate certain people because it's like, you know, this is a real, this
is a real issue. And then you have people that are writing, well, we have a real problem
with straight white men shooting people. It's like, I have no connection to this fucking animal.
Like, why can't it be an animal shot, a bunch of people,
and did the most heinous thing that you could dig up?
Well, that's what it is.
But it becomes everyone's thing to like say,
push it away from me.
Let me blame those group.
And I guess the reaction would be,
well, you've been doing that with us,
with Islamic people.
And it's like, I-
You're confusing me a little bit because you're mixing a couple. I don't know, what are you saying Islamic people. And it's like, there you're confusing me a little bit
because you're mixing a couple,
I don't know, what are you saying?
My point is that it becomes everyone's issue
like to stand on a soap box to be like
to admonish a certain group,
to get back at like, because-
But what, give me a scenario, what happened?
Who said what?
You see a lot of tweets right now.
Because you're just, you're saying them
or these people don't exist.
But I'm saying that on Twitter, you see all these tweets that are like, uh, this is a, they make it about their issue with straight white men.
Okay, that's exactly what this is what I'm saying. So like someone will say that. Someone will say this is this is it almost is a response.
Well, bothers me is they actually say white, because if he was Islamic, if he was Muslim or if he was black,
they wouldn't do that.
They wouldn't put a black man.
Why is he got to be black?
You know, he's just a crazy man.
They would put, it's like, when he is a white man,
it's like, they, I think they want it.
I think they want to say he's white, everybody relax.
It wasn't a Muslim.
Yeah. They want everybody to go, they want to go look, white guy did it wasn't a Muslim yeah they want everybody to go they want to go look white guy did it but she said the
greatest joke ever about when he said when it was the the DC sniper which was
crazy yeah that was fucking nuts you think that every time something happens
it's the first oh my god where the whole world is, this has been happening forever, right?
It's on a Sam crazy ship.
But the DC sniper was, I mean, that was terrifying to live in DC.
Yeah.
And they all said it was a white guy.
White guy, white guy, white guy.
It's a male, white, mid-fort, you know, blah.
And then he goes, yeah, it was a nigger and a buick.
It was the funniest joke I've ever heard.
We have that right.
We have that right. Huh? We have that by us. I'm not sure if it's a lot of people who are not sure if it's a lot of
people who are not sure if it's a lot of people
who are not sure if it's a lot of people
who are not sure if it's a lot of people
who are not sure if it's a lot of people
who are not sure if it's a lot of people
who are not sure if it's a lot of people
who are not sure if it's a lot of people
who are not sure if it's a lot of people
who are not sure if it's a lot of people
who are not sure if it's a lot of people who are not sure if it's a lot of people who are not sure if it's a lot of people who are not sure if it's a lot of people who are not sure if it's a lot of people This was just in Pekipsi you got a serial killer in Pekipsi black guy and that same thing they profile
It was white he's definitely a white male skillin prostutes, right turned out that he was
Yeah, kind of friends. Well. Yeah, who the how many did he kill?
It's not it's not a it's not a this or that it's a fucking crazy lunatic
It's an eyebrowless man. It's a
Point is not about guns. Oh,
shit. He doesn't have eyebrows. He doesn't have eyebrows here. He didn't. I wrestled him
in high school. You did? Yeah. Did you suck his cock? I lost. Sorry. After you get him in
the fuck tent, the guy fucked. We wouldn't fit. Good, good, good wrestle. While we hit the
guy, fuck that. He made hit the guy fuck that the most.
He made me look like Kate Moss.
Really? Yeah.
He was huge.
He's got no eyebrow.
This guy right here.
Yeah.
Wow.
He looks a lot older than you.
No, he's a big guy.
Do you want to see him?
Look at the guy in the last one.
Topper on the right.
Do you want to see how big that fucking guy is?
That's like,
look, look at the van and then look at him.
Is that your biggest Steve from the seller?
Is that his biggest Steve?
Yeah, it's a big guy.
He's a big problem in high school wrestling.
Yeah, imagine, imagine having to imagine him
just grabbing you with those.
How big, how big was this guy?
Ray pants.
Or, I was like, four, 50, six, six, six.
Four, yeah.
All right, listen, he would have pissed my man.
I'm in rabbit hole.
I mean, this is a fucking, the point is, and I think the point is that there can be constructive
comments.
I know you tell my point.
No, you tell my point.
I got your point.
You got a fucking Patreon.
Relax.
All right, you fucking talk to yourself all day.
Guys, guys, I, uh-huh.
Listen, where am I to this?
I fucking J Train, bro.
Do it, whip it, bang.
Flip, flip, flip. I ding the ding. Listen. I fucking J train bro do it whip it bang flip flip
I ding the ding listen they made fun of you on SNL
I well I don't know if they do on you I know everyone I've got sent in the video a couple times and and it's you know those are
friends. You should be flat flat. Well they did it last season.
They did you because they know you there's it's very it's loosely
But it's not you of course. I can't be me. I don't think I want I don't want to be I don't want to think of myself so highly
Do Bocho Bocho Bobby that boy
Bocho Bocho guy. I think it's cool. No, I think it's no, it's cool
I don't want to think so highly of myself. We got a guy who just bought about.
Just bought about. This is you.
I mean, it's very on brand.
It's you.
That's you.
This is you.
It's day right around the corner.
Smooth transition.
Here are some tips on how to make it a special night is a guy who just bought a boat.
Oh. Stop. That's you. to make it a special night is a guy who just bought a boat. Oh! Oh!
Stop.
That's you.
You always would like three shirts on a shirt.
I got to, I got to, I love layers.
You love a layer.
You're a layer guy.
I, I don't want to be so, you know, I mean, to take,
I'm not saying, don't defend it.
You're a layer guy.
I'm a layer guy.
Yeah, good.
Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well Defend it. You're a layer guy. I'm a layer guy. Yeah. Trays days, bud. Just looking dapper. My friend Trays Dap.
Dap King. Dap King call. Stop. That's fucking dirt.
I mean, buddy, if they didn't take their phone,
my phone was available. Okay. I wasn't on silent. I could have picked up at any time.
How fucking that's fucking it's very,'t on silent. I could have picked up at any time. How fucking, that's fucking weird.
It's very, very on brand.
Very, you're just silenced to only say that.
Listen, just very on brand.
Just very on brand.
What the fuck, I mean, Joe knows you and fucking Jay.
Everybody knows you.
They know me.
I'm just kidding, man.
Don't take it personally, everybody gets a little.
So, V-Day, okay, let's get into it.
First off, you got that rez call.
I'm sorry, what?
Short for Reservatio.
Uh, he fucking stopped.
Dude, he fucking abbreviated the abbreviation.
Listen, man, just a bit I've been doing my whole life.
Toe, it's a brief, everything I'm perp. I'm gonna throw my whole life. Wow. Tots of brief, everything on purpose.
I'm gonna throw up.
Oh my God.
I throw up.
I fucking, I hate the J-Train literally caught on.
It makes me, it's that we're doing.
Everybody loves the J-Train.
Listen man, infectious.
God.
A lot of peeps are going to say on V-Day,
your girl's going to want to put some sushi in her bush.
But I beg the death.
All right?
Death.
The death.
The death.
The death.
The death.
The death.
The death.
The death.
The death.
The death.
The death.
The death. The death. The Days. I have a small penis. Oh, yeah, I would never say, I would never take such a pot shop.
Off brand, off brand.
Off brand.
You ever go to Chad Tucket on Instagram?
No.
These guys are the best.
You want to watch it, you see the brand?
Go to Chad Tucket on Instagram.
Because you want to see my brand.
This guy is hilarious.
Dude, the fact that you call your brand
today literally, I've never met somebody
who wants to sue five more than you.
Listen to me.
This fucking guy.
Oh my god.
This guy is the best.
Is he good?
He's so funny.
They get it.
They understand what they are. Chad Tucket, Chad. They just pro, during so funny they get it. They understand what they are Chad Tucket Chad
They just pro during they just walk it. No one knows who it is
But he just over the summer. He's on Nan Tucket the whole summer. I scroll down. Let's get a video. Is your video?
Yeah, they have all these fun videos. You got to make it. How do we make this smaller?
He'll do it
It's the Instagram. Yeah, I don't think you can with Instagram videos.
You can make it.
They just do chats.
Make it the whole screen guy.
What the fuck?
So yeah, but the whole you know the whole account is like I
Scroll that's a dumb one. Do she passed out wearing white guy shit? Yeah, they're put in front of themselves
They know what they are. Oh my gosh crash the Porsche go down keep going down
Like it's just all shit like this
All right, whatever.
Yeah, I get it.
There they are.
Oh, there you go.
Oh my god.
Jared, this is your crew, though.
Yes or no?
Look on that one.
I want to see that photo.
That's you, Jack.
Is that my beauty on the left?
Dude, in college, we used to do, we would do bar crawls
and we would all dress like this.
Stop.
Like over and above.
But you're just modifying what you,
you're just tucking
the shirt in. You have a lot of, right? Yeah. Like triple pop collars and go out with
cigars and go with boat shoes and like yellow pants and go to bars and walk around and
go from bar to bar getting hammered and like owning how great it was. I did stuff like
that. What's a triple? Are you still like take out three polos on top of one another. No, with all the colors.
Bob. Oh my God. That was like a big look at that point.
How come you don't do that now? He kind of knows how
good there's no issue. Go for Oh, I don't I haven't done
a one I would these videos where I would act like a huge frat
dude. Not interview people. Oh,
does it were you in a fraternity? Yeah. I love those fucking barstool
guys, man.
I fucking live.
I watched Dave and his pizza reviews.
People like I like most people watch Walking Dead.
I met him.
He's the fucking greatest.
He would agree.
Yeah.
Oh, what do you mean?
I met him.
I like them.
They just trying to work with them for a long time.
They you can't get in. That why you never know. Come on, you can get in. No, they all he I like them. They just trying to work with them for a long time. They you can't get in that
Why you never know come on you can get in now they all he's Vince McMahon
He runs you know they all got the account really what do you mean? I he like kind of you know
He runs everyone works stays inside. They don't really go out look at the high play it a little bit. I love the fucking
One bite everybody knows the rules
He's from Boston, right?
Swampska.
He's from Swampska?
My mother's from Monk.
My mother's from Monk.
Or Marway, one of the two.
My mother's continuing our taste of Indianapolis.
We're at Bazzbo Pizza, established 1986.
That's the year for all those at home.
I like to educate. I don't want to watch this. I love the pizza for all those at home. I like to educate.
I don't want to watch this. He I love the Peter reviews though.
People love him. I'm gonna I can see everybody's faces like this and everybody just got hungry.
I just got hungry too. I do that's great. I think they're the new ESPN.
I go I go there and listen to sports shit.
The ESPN is so fucking corporate and horse shit.
Well, ESPN's awful. It's awful, but you go there and they fight about shit.
They argue.
Well, they're talking about things
you would actually talk at a bar.
I give you like stated the union about the Pats loss.
Oh, I mean, they got issues.
Well, no, he's like, fuck you.
He's like, listen, when the fucking apples are dead,
he goes, it's still Apple picking season.
Yeah.
The Pats are fine.
Well, yeah, I mean the Patsified. I mean, yes
PN though like they did a title nine day on ESPN as if any one of us sports fans would ever sit around being like, hey,
Let's talk about the anniversary of title nine. Like no one gives a shit about that stuff. Nobody gives a shit about and it's like,
Why are we talking about it's fucking garbage? They opened a Thursday 6 p.m. sports center with basketball contract
news. It's there's college football on. It's ridiculous. How Thursday, but they're so
corporate and politically correct. It's sickening. It's I mean, your, your sports are fucking guys like you.
Yes. Okay.
Who want to watch it and laugh and have fun.
Yeah. And Saturdays and Sundays go fuck yourselves.
This is our day. Games on going to get drunk. You can have some food. You're going to watch a game.
You're going to get rowdy and have some laughs.
He has pianos just to show.
I used to watch Sunday NFL countdown.
I used to love that show with Berman.
And Berman was fun. Like he's like, you know, he's he's all these sayings and he's got the
nicknames and you're like, oh, this is cool. Then they replaced Berman retires and they
replaced them with some hot chick who like, there's no kitchiness at all to it anymore.
You know, like, it's just like, there's no growing around.
Yeah, there's no like hanging out. Like like everything's taken way too seriously. They never seem to smile
at anything like Stephen A's great. I like watching him. But like even the people around
Stephen A, they have to sit there like they're giving like a fucking press conference. It's
awful. It's awful. There's no bro on the bizz on the pip collar,. No, but he's nobody's nobody's talk nobody's fucking in a guy
that nobody's talking ball.
You gotta go after the gotta.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah pouring with Voss.
I, Jesus Christ.
I literally said, yeah, we're ending the show on F with the Gata.
You're fucking saying, when do you do with this?
Then you got to explain the people what the fuck that means.
Because no shit, that's the whole funny part about it.
They're going to go F with the Gata.
What does that mean?
And then listen, all the way to the fucking end.
And you're going to go F with the Gata.
And they're like, oh, that was funny. Get it.
The sound of that book. Oh, right. I'm gonna let it go.
You're gorgeous lips. What real quick? What? We're gonna wrap up right now.
Well, first of all, you guys, thanks for coming in. This was fun. You guys have a good time.
Oh, yeah. Um, laugh it up. Pekipsy. These guys know fuck around. I'll tell you,
because they've been trying to do comedy up there for a long time and they got it wrong for a long time.
And these guys are finally doing it right.
They bring good comics up the best.
Pack it out.
Pack it up.
Pack it up.
Friday, October 20th.
Friday, October 20th, I'm gonna be there.
What's that?
Two shows.
Two shows.
Friday, October 20th.
I can't wait to go up.
It's right up the street. We're gonna smoke bats.
We're gonna eat some food.
Bring your fishing bowl.
Nothing was funnier than when you go out for food with people from the town.
I almost I stopped. I listen to me. It's you got to do a video like that a video series of that. That's funny.
I can't do it. I almost lost a foot in Buffalo. Just the fact that everyone there looked like they were gonna eat
the most food I've ever seen.
But these guys in Buffalo,
professionals, I met them at the show.
The mother was such a beautiful,
she's a big woman too.
Beautiful woman after the show.
She was like, oh, you're so funny.
And she goes, my boys.
And these two fucking big mother,
fucking Buffalo boys came out.
I was like, holy shit.
And they were the nicest, sweetest guys ever.
And they're fucking, uh, they're, uh, they all seem to have another brother.
And it was like one was bigger than the other was bigger than the other.
They all seem so happy to eat with you.
That it is.
You could see that you could feel the excitement in the video.
Well, they took me to, to,, dunes because you go to dunes.
You don't go to fucking just typing
Robert Kelly at dunes.
Wait, where was this buffalo?
I almost died.
They took me out to eat, dude.
We ate so much food.
And then they were like, we gotta get a donut at Pauline's.
I was like, I can't do a donut.
I can't do a donut.
We gotta get a donut.
That's a hell.
Dunes, you got it.
And then image Google, I couldn't do it. I can't do it. I'm gonna zone it. Dunns, you got it. And then image Google, I couldn't do it.
I quit this week at, that's the,
I'm famous I am, that fuck comes up all the time.
This is the news, news guy, and it's dumb family.
Blumber guy, oh that was the guy.
I used to have to fucking, you know,
the only guy that I used to have to fucking fight out
was a whittler from fucking the ham share.
This guy pushed his family out of the room and our Kelly and our Kelly.
But I actually want to beat in our Kelly forget it.
Buffalo, New York, Robert Kelly, wings, Buffalo, and nothing.
Anyways, I don't want to fucking myself this thing.
Listen.
I just get out of the room and became a fuck.
Anyways, yeah, I can't do it. I'm done of food this weekend Tampa. I need salads. Yeah, we can yeah
I'm done salads all weekend and I worked out I've been working out
Every other day I read a three days in a row. I'm doing lifting. Yeah, it's a lifting no cardio fuck you
Fuck it. Nope. You live right you getting cardio while you do it. That's right
I can forth from back thing to thing you got it's son Nope. If you live right, you're getting cardio while you do it. That's right. Back and forth from back. You got it, son. I know.
You got it, son. I know, you know, relax.
We all looking right at you.
Fucking Chachi.
Fucking goddamn fucking gorgeous fucking Tony Danza.
Fucking listen, what you got to do?
Tony Danza, Berg.
Listen, me and my friend, we have a fuck that up
and fucking nip a kipsy.
When you're up, they'll come with you.
I'll stretch you out in the fuck that.
And then, dude, we'll go over to the runway
and we'll fucking run up and down the runway.
It's my friend's runway.
Oh, I had such a crush on him.
I'll start with a finger, move my way up.
You need a finger.
To a thumb.
Just go right in.
Anyways, you're not doing the dogs no more, huh?
I'm not on TV or anything like that.
Or I don't want to do anything in like, not like that.
How do you get out of that though?
You're so dog, you're so like, you're a great trainer.
I still do it, like, you can still hire me and I still do it, like,
but I'm, I'm, I'll never, if they offer me shows like that tomorrow, I would say.
Ten million dollars in episode.
Stop it.
That's not happening, So that's ridiculous.
Neither is me and you and a fucking guy fuck 10 on the
one of the way.
You think not.
You buy it.
$10 million in episode.
Yeah.
But I know I'll give you a 200,000
in episode.
100,000 in episode.
100,000 in episode.
I mean, you see me like thinking about it even like if you
asked me if it was other than no, I wouldn't. 100,000 in episode000 episodes. I mean, you see me like thinking about it even like if you asked me if it was other than no, I wouldn't.
100,000 episode.
23 episodes.
Is it if it's a mini series and it gets the end and then I'm done.
The last episode you take all your dogs into a guy fuck.
And you but you see I'm sitting like fuck every dog.
Russell Crowe's in there with his dogs.
That's where I draw the line.
And you fuck Russell Crowe in the tap. Why Russell Crowe?
I don't know. He's a manly man. Is he picked? I know. I think he lives up there and right back to it. These fucking clowns
Where Russell frey pulled that ear ass fucking chubby rapist from fucking upstate New York. We live in Westchester
No, you don't I live in Westchester. You live in up in New York. Listen, huh?
I'll give you the jab just came up
I live in Westchester.
So you're not doing the dogs no more? I'm not on TV or anything like that.
We know not on TV, we watch TV, we know you're not on this.
Right, neither am I, okay?
I was stuck.
I'm in traffic today.
I'm sitting there, look over,
Liz from the show Sex Drugs, the lead there, the hot check.
Oh, she's all over Billboard.
She's right next to me on a bus.
I'm just looking at her like, oh yeah.
What's she on?
She's on Dynasty.
Lead.
Really?
Need in Dynasty.
And I'm looking at it like, yeah, he used to fucking, I used to go to fucking events with
you.
First class, remember, we used to hang out, we talk.
Did it bug you? No, I'm happy for, of course. Of course I'm happy for. I just wish I, I want to land to fucking events with you first class member. We used to hang out. We talk did a bug you
No, I'm happy for of course happy for I just wish I I want to land a gig soon
I gotta get I gotta get back on television. You know what I mean back on the two of course
I gotta get back on the two but my dream is to be on a bus. I
Thought we were all sex and drugs. I was like oh with a band. We're all gonna be on a billboard. Nope
Fuck you fatty your name's not even on the poster. Where is she?
Dynasty is it dynasty? on a billboard, nope. Fuck you, fatty. Your name's not even on the poster. Where is she? Um, uh, Dynasty.
Is it Dynasty?
Maybe it's not Dynasty.
What's the other one?
Yeah, that's it.
Is that it?
Oh, that's her.
Yeah, that's her.
Oh, yeah, she looks so much older in this one.
They made it look like a woman.
Look at that.
She has such good, resting bitch face.
Yeah, perfect for Dynasty.
God, I love her.
What a great girl, too.
Her and her fucking husband, boyfriend,
whatever the fuck she is.
Hmm. Great hair. I'd fucking husband boyfriend, whatever the fuck she is
Great hair. I fucking punched Tom right in the solo plexus to fucking kiss her
So what do you get going on besides guy fuck tense back to stand up full-time full-time now you got to start You get a I mean you
Stutters studded your career for a minute. I was off doing all that shit, man. Is that hard to come back to?
It's hard to.
But it's like, you know, it's what I wanna do.
Like, you know, that took me on such a fucking tangent out there
with all those, you know, development deals
that I've book writing all that stuff.
So now I'm just on the road, you know?
Yeah.
Grind it on out, man.
But I'm happy you're doing what I'm doing and saying
what I wanna say is that when you were CBS,
it's like, they're on top of you.
You know, I fucking kept my mouth shut with
a few things. Yeah. You remember when I would come worse, you remember when I came to
do this podcast, how muted things had to be. And now you guy fucked headed it. Now I got
my guy fucked 10 back. So that was just freeing, right? Yeah. Now you can fuck dudes. Yeah.
It's struggle. It's not easy, but it's fucking, you know, we should make a guy fuck tent.
Just big one. Why don't we just use this room?
Oh, wow, you really made it real.
You're gonna fuck guys.
We all just talking about that.
We all just looked at each other and made eye contact.
You got weird.
Well, uh, do you have any dates?
Let's go to your website.
Just go to my, I am Justin Silver and then you can listen
to the new podcast I got, Narotica.
What is this?
What is this called called Narotica?
Yeah, it's like a click on a media.
No, don't go to media.
Go to just go slide.
Just where you are in it.
Right there.
That's it.
I have an updated.
I have an updated then forever. Scroll up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up Don't scroll all those dates are not updated. Just go to neurotic buddy scroll to the fucking dates man
Those are not updated you could just go on my social media at I am Justin silver
Like that Michael you can talk me. I was wrong. I'm sorry for yelling at you
I can't I gotta take a piss so bad all right. Well fuck it man. I'm good to have you back
Yeah, man good to be back good to see you. Thanks. Come on. Thank you for having me Jared. What do you got baby?
What are you going on the sketch? What are you going on the sketch for the regs? I'm going to do just go I got a podcast, J Train podcast. J Train podcast,
which is to I love the way you do it. Thanks, buddy. You created your own little way of doing
a podcast. This is, it's very unique.
Thank you.
And structured.
I love it.
I did it one time.
I did it one time.
Fun to do, man.
Very fun to do.
Yeah, I can help you both back,
because I had a blast.
But I get you.
But that's what I meant.
I, it's every Tuesday and Friday, we take emails from listeners and give them advice and it's a lot of dating
Relationships. Here's a thing. I mean, to give it, I like look, I wrote a book on cheating. Okay. I mean,
Yeah, I remember. But I felt there's one thing about you that you do, you do give this advice.
You have to be, you have to be very confident in your advice to give advice to people. Yes. Because you're saying, I know better than you or I am going to help you in the situation.
Because you're not giving fake advice.
You're literally giving real advice to people about relationships or women or, right?
And it's too fast.
Actionables.
I always say to people when they come on, I'm like, listen, make fun of the email Or we'll make fun of the email the problems might be very small to you
But these are problems that these people want answered and give your best answer and also understanding that
This is how I would do it and I think a lot of the listeners the listeners are like 18 to like 25 and I've been through
situations and I can say hey, I hey, they're in right now.
And I always say it's the podcast of luxury issues.
You know, a lot of them are issues that you can't,
are very embarrassing to come to somebody with.
So that's where they come to random dude
with a podcast and all those friends that come on.
What's the part about the lug ish?
Lug ish.
Lug ish.
I still don't know how to do it.
I like what's, and you got a, you got a really great Lugs. Lugs. I still don't know how to do it. I love it.
And you got a really great Patreon.
Patreon.
You got to go to his Patreon.
It's good.
And you got to join his Patreon.
Patreon.com slash Jared Freed.
So we have like bonus episodes of the podcast.
You can get personalized advice.
So like people can sign up as, you know,
get me as a life coach.
Right.
That's great.
Which is crazy.
That's awesome.
But why did you let me out?
What, I mean, obviously.
But why, no, why?
I don't understand why you're like.
It is ridiculous.
Because it's ridiculous, but it's great.
But it's also like,
You want to know how to turn up a three-color pop?
Scenario, cool, Jared.
If you want to know, if you want to make a guy from Pekipsi, feel less than you, which
is right from Westchester.
If you want to trash the whole town of Boston and call them fucking Fagogies.
Fagogies.
I just, I think if there's, we've been doing the podcast four years now.
And like now, if you've been listening,
you know where I'm coming from, you know I'll listen to you
and take your questions seriously,
and have some sort of perspective.
I always say, I was like, I don't know anything,
I just have a loud opinion.
Yeah, that's really what it is.
That's great.
That's great, it's doing great.
So go to his Patreon, go to his website,
listen to his podcast, and see him live.
We're doing a live podcast today.
Tonight.
Tonight.
Sold out.
Village on the ground.
Not sold out.
Almost.
People can get in, but almost.
We have a, there's gonna be a, there's a lot.
Calm down.
Calm down.
If you're in the area, you guys wanna go.
You two fucks could go.
It's a live podcast next door.
Go get some pizza because we know you're dying for something.
More.
The word is more.
Um, live pockets at eight at the clock and around.
And then me and you, a fucking rockin' dude.
Dude, you're gonna be my parents.
You're gonna meet your parents.
Yeah, they're all coming.
I got a whole family coming.
Where are you guys doing?
We're doing comics come home this year at the Boston Garden.
Really fun.
Around 15, 16,000 people.
That's awesome.
Have you ever done that many people? No, where have I done that?
I don't know.
I'm fucking pumped.
It's all people will talk to me about it,
at home, that they're coming, they can't wait.
Like, friends and stuff.
I'm excited.
I mean, I do not belong on this poster.
No, why don't you?
I mean, it's a crazy.
No, he's fucking right.
It'll be, it's a crazy, he's fucking right. It'll be, it'll say it.
I mean, it's a crazy lineup.
I'm very excited.
I'm nervous.
Why are you nervous?
I'm nervous every year I do it.
You are?
But I had to go up after one of the psychs last year,
then Nick DePolo, then Burwin up and fucking smashed.
But I heard you murdered.
Yeah, I did, but you still, you know, you're fucking panicking.
Yeah.
And this year, I had a couple jokes
that I was just birthing last year
that I just wound up doing.
Like, it was just like a little piece of it.
Now, it's like a 20 minute set.
And I'm like, oh, I can't, I listen to my set.
It's like in your head.
Well, I have a couple, it's like,
I gotta come up with the,
once I come up with what I'm gonna do, I'm fine.
But last year was crazy.
The year before that was fucking nuts.
The year, I mean, it's always, you know, I got to follow Fallon and Leary singing a song
that they wrote that's amazing about Boston and New York.
Specific to the event.
Yeah, it's like New York and Boston fans.
And then you guys, and I think Leary last year was like, he's a good actor.
I walked up, like, did you just bring me up as an actor? But Larry's great, Camnail is great, the roster's great,
Lenny Clark. I love him. It's just an insane lineup this year. So and you're gonna kill.
Yeah, little Rell. He's fucking hilarious. He's unreal. Yeah, my parents are like all pumped up and
they you know, they feel like it's there and it's a benefit. So who gives a unreal. Yeah, yeah. My parents are like all pumped up and they, you know, they feel like it's there.
And it's a benefit.
So who gives a fuck?
Yeah, people are getting mad.
Have fun, man.
You're gonna fuck, you're gonna flip off.
The after party's the shit.
This is what I'm very sorry.
Cause it's all fucking pats, Bruins, red socks.
Oh, right.
Dude, I walked out, was like, Hey, what's up?
We're talking.
I'm like, you see one of the red socks.
Like, how did they really?
They come.
I'm like, Oh my God.
Yeah, dude, I hung out last year.
So who's who of that me bur me bur
Jack leery and Clark
hung out with
Cam and smoke bats in the in the one of the dressing rooms last year smoke Cubans really
Cam just came on the podcast. We did like a 10 minute interview great great guys
Unbelievable, so yeah, we're gonna be doing that and then what else? Well, that's it. That's all. What else need more?
Just a lot. That's just a podcast. I like people coming on and you guys get laugh it up. What do you got if he bombs in front of 18,000 people?
Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.
At least they got work, you know, they're maybe
We'll take that up.
You're in San Antonio in a couple of weeks too. San Antonio going to LOL.
LOL great club.
Downtown or the other one?
The other one.
The other one.
The good one.
Oh good.
Okay.
All right cool.
I'll be there for two weeks.
And now Michael you live here now right?
Yeah.
I go back and work a lot but yeah.
I have a lot of work down there.
But yeah, I'm based out of here now.
He Google's down there sometimes. I'm actually on that show with you.
Oh, really?
And Lauren, what do you got?
Just at Lauren Cubera.
At Lauren Cubera.
And Lauren came on the podcast too.
She was a lot of fun.
Yeah, she's awesome.
Great.
And Zachy, what do you got, kid?
Zach the new guy.
I love that he made that his Twitter.
Go to my website real quick, brother.
Well, Michael, it's my show.
Don't listen to the show.
He was like this.
Yeah, okay, so here we go.
Check out these dates, ready?
First of all, thank you for premium members.
We got some great stuff coming out.
And we're really working hard on some I mean
Some awesome shit that's gonna happen soon. I'm very excited to announce two great things that are going down and
But until then I want to thank the premium members for being a premium members and in
Supporting the show and all you guys who download the show watching on YouTube and
Download the show the audio show listen every who download the show, watch it on YouTube and download the show,
the audio show, listen every week.
And most importantly come to my shows
and tell me you're a fan, how long you've been a fan
and you've bytaken see me do comedy live.
This week in Tampa wasn't saying.
So please do the same right now.
Scroll up all the way so I can get my dates pal.
Yeah, there you go.
So we got Pitch, Villy punchline this weekend,
the fifth, sixth, and seventh.
I'm there Thursday Friday and Saturday,
then I'm going out to Vegas for a couple of days,
and then I'm going straight to Tacoma Washington Comedy Club,
Tacoma Comedy Club.
Never been there, heard great things about it.
Please don't stop the fucking podcast.
I have one more big huge announcement at the end of these dates.
So just hang in there until I get to the end of these.
Then I got Laffitt up Pekipsey on the 20th.
I got the tree house 21st, 27th, Bennington Center for the Arts in Vermont, October 28th,
Kahoo's music hall, Kahoo's New York.
Just go to my website, robbercallylive.com.
I'm doing Morty's at Comedy, jointing in the Annapolis, the Comedy connection in November. I'm doing... Oh, that's the best. Oh, I'm doing more. Is it comedy joint in Indianapolis? The comedy connection in November.
I'm doing, oh, it's the best. Oh, it's the best. Comics come home in November. I am working
all the way until fucking Christmas, my friends. Comedy, American comedy club in November
the 30th. And then I'm doing governors December 15th, 16th, the brokerage, Belmore. And then
I'm doing the 22nd, the 23rd.
I'm at Gotham Comedy Club in New York City.
So many shows coming up.
I'm on the road, please buy tickets.
The big announcement is you made it to the end of the show.
Good job.
You know what, dude? You've been listening to the YKWD podcast.
Thanks for listening.
Now go back to your shitty jobs.
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