Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Gianmarco Soresi | Fights At The Table

Episode Date: December 24, 2023

This week Bobby is joined by Gianmarco Soresi, they talk about how the comics table at the cellar has changed, how theatrical Gianmarco is, and what it's like to perform for industry people. This episode is sponsored by GhostBed Listeners can get 40% off all products sitewide! Use promo code YKWD at GhostBed.com/ykwd for 40% Off Sitewide. Limited Time Only. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp Visit BetterHelp.com/DUDE today to get 10% off your first month! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Remember to follow all traffic signals. Be careful along our tracks and only make left turns where it's safe to do so. Be alert, be aware, and stay safe. There's so much more comedy now. There's way more comedy clubs. There's so many more, I mean, even the comic cell of five clubs over the fuck it's got.

Yeah. You know, it's changed. It's going to switch around. It's never, I don't think it's ever going back, dude. I don't think it's ever going back. I, yeah, I really do think a big part of it is that now that we all have, like, think about it. There's people whose podcasts I wanna go on

or who we might work together. And so I'm nicer to them because it's like if I was talking to the president of NBC, I wanna be nice to him. Maybe I'll be on a show someday. So everyone's too, I do think there's some like battles. I do think Matt Rife kind of made some people speak out and go, oh, I don't like this.

What, don't they like him? Him, the popularity of it, people are mad about crowd work. I think there are some divisions in stand-up comedy that they crack now and then. But they, I heard all online. That's the problem. Online people can get a lot of steam off. And I'm like, we gotta start fighting at the table.

Yeah. I don't, I just don't,, we gotta start fighting at the table. Yeah. I don't, I just don't, if Matt Rife came to the table now, he'd be like, oh my God, how are you? Oh, that's good. You should do my, okay, yeah. Exactly. We're back before if he came to the table. Were you, were you at Galips?

Sure. Exactly. What would you do that, but would you do that to him? I want to fuck your chin. That'd be my first. Sure. That would be great. I'd like to fuck that nice sexy chin you had put in. See, but that would be a double.

If you were there, oh, we'd fight over you. Me and Keith would prison fight over you too, bitches. No, I think it depends on who's there, of Keith's there. Let me tell you something. If Keith is at the table on a Friday night, of Keith's there. Let me tell you something, if Keith is at the table on a Friday night, then I show up, it turns. If Keith's there, Voss is there, Norton, I would not come to the table.

It's gonna go bad. It's going to go, yeah, I've shown up and I'm like, like I gotta take a deep breath. I'm 53. Now, if I see Keith and Voss on Norton at the table together with Quinn, right? On a Friday night. Uh-huh.

I take a deep breath. I look at all the stuff and I go, let's go. What's up guys? Ah, shut up. Are you happy this? Right out of the gate. No matter what I say, it's happening.

Yeah. But that's kind of gone, I think. Yeah, and it's a cool thing. So bring it back, you pussy. Sure. Next time I see you, I'll say, what the fuck is that happy? Get that smile at her. What your heart? Say, I didn't next time I see you I'll say what the fuck is that happy? I'm gonna file her what you're

I didn't do nothing I like you Am I by way you mean okay, I'll do it. I'll do the Colin quit. Why are you giving up? You fucking see that's the thing? You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. Fucking silly bitches Yeah, baby. We're starting the podcast right now We're back. You know what dude live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKWD. I started the social media podcast. The fact that YKWD podcasts.

YKWD is back again. Home school is back in the day. We're all starting before them all. YKWD. YKWD. This podcast is so fun and crazy. And there's no rules. Shut up, you're ruining this.

Brick the ball, man, I'm sorry. It's a comedy podcast. and there's no rules. Shut up, you all who inignates. Break the bar, damn it, I'm sorry. It's a comedy podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. What's up everybody?

It's Robert Kelly. We're here with another episode. You know what, dude? I'm the longest running podcast in the world. I said it, the fucking world. And we're above the comedy seller, the comedy seller studios. The world famous comedy seller studios.

And it's going to be a great show. But before we go anywhere, please subscribe. If you're watching on YouTube, for not a, for not the little gods, just hit the subscribe button. Just click it. It's free. Dink. And like and comment stuff like that.

Go to patreon.com slash robick kelly. If you want to become a full time member, get all the episodes before everybody else, extra episodes a week and all that jazz. We got a great show today, Max. Who do we got on? We have John Marcos-Sorese. What a fucking name. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, John Marcos-Soyce. This is, this is beautiful. Is it good? Yeah. What are you? He said, a little Italian. A little bit.

A little Italian, and, and my dad, mom's Jewish. Are you in Broadway? You have very big gestures. No, but when you said all that jazz, if you, my brain, I was like, oh, a man of the theater, a man of the arts. Yeah, you have. I do all that jazz instead of, et cetera, as well.

You have Wolverine energy, but not as Wolverine as Hugh Jackman, but looking like Wolverine. Sure, sure. Like Wolverine in, but not as Wolverine as Hugh Jackman, but looking like Wolverine. Sure, sure. Like Wolverine in between takes. I mean, he played Boy George on Broadway. Did he really? Oh, yeah. That's how he like broke in.

He did Oklahoma, like from Australia. Yeah. And then Boy George. And that's why people always, I didn't know he played Boy George. The man from the boy from Oz, I believe it's musical. Is that from Boy George? Oh, yeah. Wait a minute. What the fuck are you talking about? I, I believe it's musical. Is that from a boy George? Oh yeah. Wait a minute, what the fuck are you talking about?

I, I have to be right, I know this. I can't be wrong about this. I'm sure it was a Broadway show and he wore like skinny leather. That was not about boy George. Who am I thinking of? Boy George is, uh, Cody, do you really wanna? Who's married to Liza Manelli?

Liza Manelli. Liza Manelli was married to a man. That was no. That was um, oh my god. Boy George is culture club. Remember boy? Do you really I know that song, but that's boy George. Who am I thinking of who do Liza Manelli marry a guy that was clearly gay? Yes, who? That's who Liza Manly was. There's a boy. There's a man from Oz, the boy from the man from Oz. I mean, that's a guy from Australia, right?

Yeah. And he played that. He played that. Now they say Hugh Jackman is gay. That's what they say. Are you gay? No. Are you sure?

I say, same, same way Hugh Jackman, I'd say, no. I'd take that what you will. He just got divorced though. He was married for a long time. We have a gay test right now How does it work? What do you think about that? Not for me. Hey, I passed you know what you are That's the test. Yeah, if you don't want my penis. That means you're gay and you have class sure Where you from, dude? Potomac, Maryland.

What the fuck? Very boring, very dull. Very horrible. Dude, your name, you need to change that. Let's come up with another place. Kentucky. Kentucky. Yeah, Saber Hill, Kentucky.

I'm definitely gay in Kentucky. I'll tell you that. There's no doubt about that. Oh my God, you'd be face-fucking Kentucky. I had a manager originally who said, you should change There's no doubt about that. Oh my God. You'd be face fucked in Kentucky. I had a manager Originally who said you should change your name to something more Jewish like why because they they presented it like We're gonna get you meeting at ABC and they're gonna expect John Marcos Raysie to walk in the room and Jim Marcos Raysie. Yeah, you know what you are like a like a goofy Mataylain

Yeah, you know what, you are like a goofy, Mattelaine. You're like, I was as fit as Mattelaine, to your Christ almighty. Don't we all? Every video is even fucking positive. Like, what is this? It makes me sick to my stomach, his genetics are fucking ridiculous.

It's insane. And you know who has better genetics than his sister. His sister is ridiculous. Shaved head. You know, hot you have to be. You have a shaved head as a woman and still be hot and you're smoking. But of course, she's married to a gorilla.

Uh-huh. Of course. Sure. Yeah, I love the women just want, they want what they, what they are. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they don't, yeah, of course. My wife got what she deserves.

Don't be Irish and tying a guy from Medfit. So you live here with anybody? So I just touch you. I don't know. It's getting silly. No, that's the gay test. I mean, how many times do you touch others? Need I live here with with my girlfriend?

Really? With, yeah, proof or proof. I mean, you hack, you, Jagman has a wife. Listen, if he's, he's single now, they got divorced. Yeah. He's a very good looking man. He's old. I'm sure he's got a couple more erections in him, either way.

And we'll see. I think if he's gay, he's gonna go enjoy himself. And we'll find out. Well, I mean, you could, I think a lot of people in Hollywood, I mean, I understand it may be in the 70s, 80s, 90s, being like, closeted, but now... It's 70, you said that like it was a fact. The Gallup poll said it's 70 to 80%.

No, 70s, 80s, 90s, 80s. Oh, 70 years. Oh, I thought you said like, Hollywood is, we all know Hollywood's about 80% closeted gay people. And I was like, we don't know. First of all, those numbers are right, kid. Those numbers are accurate. I, you know how they say, they'll say Tom Cruise is gay and so on.

And I'm like, so you're telling me no one, no one ever got a picture of him going in a room with a guy, John Travolta even, they say is gay and he was also accused by masseuses. So come on, Tom.volta even, they say he's gay and he was also accused by masseuses. So come on Tom. That's him buddy. You. There's certain things in life you have to accept, right? We didn't go to the moon.

The earth is flat and Tom Cruise is gay. Those are fun conspiracy. We need more conspiracy theorists that are more like he's gay. Or he's straight. All right. Yeah, like who? Like what have you found out? Lil Nas X was straight.

That we've that we're shocking. Beautiful on it. No, I do know. Don't you? Don't you? You Jackman played him a couple years ago on Broadway. It was very controversial production. I, I, I, I don't know if that would be if, if somebody,

pick somebody you think would think was gay, like Charles Bronson being gay, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh. How about Stephen Seagull? That'd be a weird gay guy. Sure. That would suck. Who knows? Guys like that, when they're so masculine, who knows?

They're in locker rooms. Do you have brothers? I have one younger half brother. Is he masculine? Definitely more than me. He does not have the theatrical gene. Do you have brothers? I have one younger half brother. Is he a masculine? Definitely more than me. He does not have the theatrical chain. You're in theater.

You've done theater. I was a college for musical theater. Yeah. So I left it behind. That's where all the pizzazz can be. Yeah, yeah. But I have a lot of pizzazz, dude. Sure.

I think it's a mix of my anxiety. Even your eyes, your eyes like look at me, but then they look over here, and then they look at the stage, and then they look at the balcony, and then they look at the stage and then they look at the balcony. And then they look at the mezzanine. Get it from my dad and my dad's very, he's like a, he's a dog.

What do you mean? Like he's like, he's a womanizer, don't care. I mean, I'm sure he doesn't want you to say this on a podcast. It doesn't matter. Really? It doesn't matter. I can say anything I want about my dad.

Are you friends with him? We have a tough. It's not in a good place. I mean, I- I wonder why he fucking trashed him on my podcast. So just met me. He, he, uh. And all the things you described about your dad,

are good in my book. Sure. People all post pictures of him online sometimes. And like, Wim will be like, give me your dad's number. And I'm like, I promise you, that's the last thing you want. That's the last thing you want.

He was hot, hot. Yeah. And so I think he got away with a lot of bad behavior, not being a good person. Listen, your generation and my generation are different. What you call bad behavior, I call being the shit. My dad is fucked, slept with my kindergarten teacher. Nice.

No. Already like him. I like him. Were you in the class? I don't remember. Did he fuck it? Did he go class? I'll be right back.

She stayed the night. I remember, and that's why I told my mom, like, oh, miss, Vance stayed the night. Last night, and my mom was not happy about that. Well, did you learn more? Did she help you with some math or drawing? No, I just learned to not trust relationships. That's sad. So you, that's, that is a weird thing, though.

I remember when, like, seeing a teacher at, like, the grocery store and first, second, third grade flipped me out. Sure. Cause I didn't understand that they were humans. You thought the grocery store was tough. How about your, your bathroom fucking bent over the toilet with your dad? No use here. No, I didn't. Somehow my dad never He never I never walked in on anything because it's a professional. I think so. Yeah, he's a professional man. I feel

This is real. I feel like my dad. You know they say at Kennedy They some someone said Kennedy, you know, he came too fast He he wasn't like oh now you, or did you finish? And he was like, I think that's what they said. I think he went too fast. Yeah. Yeah. As soon as I think hit the back of his head,

he was gone. He gave bad head. Hey. But Eddie, so, I mean, this is weird, because my father, I don't know, he was like, like we go, I remember we used to hang out my real, my biological father, we would hang out and the waitress would come over and he'd be like,

I guess, she's hot, and be like, I'm just looking at me, he's like, oh, she's not looking at you, she's looking at me. And we kind of had a little competition in my early 20s. Who was winning? Yeah, but not like he would cheat on his wife, he loved his wife, but he was still a

Good-looking guy and women still were attracted to him. Yeah, but what happens if they get used to that and now my dad is and listen for 69 he's good-looking, but he's 69 so he'll he'll compliment women in a way that you just don't do anymore. It's just it's too much like what nice tits just like those nipples, uh, no, not that bad. It's the cold and here you're glad to see me. Just just like, ooh, look at you.

All right, you look, you look. Hey, look at your camel tall. How many dicks you got in that? Like that type of shit? Not, but, but that tone. That tone, that tone. And I think it made me so uncomfortable. Right.

Because I could see most women, most women don't, maybe once in a while. Yeah. You find a woman who goes, thanks for the camel toe compliment. I know what it is about you. Yeah. When you talk in story time voice.

Oh, yeah. Once in a while. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Even when you sip, you go like this. Once, uh, JPMic Day did a roast, he said, he said, it looks like it looks like you make me feel good when you talk. He said, it looks like before I tell joke, I whispered to myself, a five, six, seven, eight.

And I thought that was one of the best. I ended up using it in my act as a good friend. It's very funny. You're very theatrical. As you grow in the theater too, is she an actress? No, she grew up in a chacetic, a nochabad community. Oh, really? And she's a manager.

So she did a little bit of a manager of comedians, right? Oh great. Oh, that's great. Is she your manager? No. That's weird. It would be, are you part of a company? Do you have a manager that works?

No. Really? I keep talking to you a long leg. If I long, I mean, you're the one to put the chairs that's close together. I wanted it. Sure, sure. Because I did. Jazz hands.

You're theatrical in your own way. You're wearing colors on your wrist. You're, you know, I'm gay. Yeah, I'm bisexual. My wife doesn't know. Shh. I always want you on this podcast. So you can look at my pack. I'm what. My wife doesn't know. Shh. I'll use my one on this podcast so you can look at my pack.

I'm what you think. No. So your girlfriend now is now all this. Are you Jewish? Yeah. Get out. No, I'm okay. Really at the Comedy Cellar?

From here? No. Dude, do you see the kitchen? Yes. So it's pretty crazy right now. I feel fucking sure. I guess that's the vagus way to put. Well, I mean, that's the most non-partisan way to put it.

No, I was talking about the whole thing. Oh, which course you mean? Christmas. It's crazy right now. Christmas, Hanukkah. Oh, you think I was talking about it? I have no idea. Christmas, you know, must be tough around this time of year.

I, she grew up, you know, Ch be tough around this time of year. She grew up, you know, Khabad? Yeah. I don't even really, I couldn't tell you most of the differences between Khabad and Hasidic. Khabad is, Hasidic is a big umbrella. Khabad is under. Yeah. But she left that, mood into the comedy, that's like the community that she got into was comedy.

So, she did stand up. She did all these things and then, oh, she did stand up before. She did. She's very, she didn't like take it that far. But she is once my birthday, she surprised me of like one of my shows, the comedian I was supposed to bring me back up, brought her up instead. And she did like a killer five minute. Oh no, she said. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Like a really good, very, very strong sense. That's great. You know, my wife's got, I mean, my wife, I love my wife. She's got. You know, my wife's got I mean my wife,

I love my wife. She's got a great sense here. We're in a restaurant, we're in a restaurant the other day. My kid farted. It was on a bench too. So other people felt it. You know what I mean?

So there was like a bench where like a lot of people sit on. It was like, Yeah. And he lifted up a cheek and then he just went back to eating and she was cracking up and I was like, I'm so sorry. She was like, fuck them. You know, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, It's tough. It's not tough. It's dumber. I don't know why they would, because if you don't with this lifestyle and all the sacrifice of it, any lifestyle.

Sure, but then you gotta go, they go and they see them perform and they just go, okay. Oh, I mean, my wife fucking never wants to go see me by the way. When does she, I mean, so how long you been together with your wife? I've known her for 30 years. I've been married for 16, going on 17. When does she sit and go, I'm gonna watch you, I'm gonna watch your full set tonight. Never.

Never. No. No. She's a recent special. Oh, she went to the special, but she did not sit and watch the whole thing. She could give a fuck. Sure.

No, I mean. Do you wish she cared where you find what that is? This is your world. I got an old school 1950s fucking Boston broad. Yeah. You know what I mean? Where she's, you know, she's like, I'm Edith and she's Archie Bunker. You know what I mean? She's like, just go.

I like our references. I was going to totally missing each other for this Archie bunker. I've read about what Archie bunker was. Fuck you. I know he was like the racist, character, caricature, thing. It's not. He's the funny, it's the funniest sitcom ever made.

I've heard. As a comedian, you've never gone back and watched an episode of All The Famous. There's a lot to cover. I've not put his movies. No. I've put Honey Motors.

Nope. That's not a good. Not as good as all had his movies. I'm not any mooters. Nope. We're not that's not a good Not it not as good as all the family. I'll go back to all the first one all the family. That's the one you watch holds up That's the one you watch. Okay holds up. It's literally exactly what everybody's going through right now sure It's the best. I'll watch it. You know you have fucking homework young man. Sure. I love home I'm gonna bring you back on the show and I'm gonna quiz you sounds good. Yeah, I'll watch it. You know, you have fucking homework young man. Sure. I love home work. I'm gonna bring you back on the show and I'm gonna quiz ya. Sounds good. Yeah, I'll do it. I mean, you are so flim-boyant.

But look at that pause. That pause was a theater pause. You just went like this. You took a sip, you went like this. You were thinking, this is what you did. You went like this, you went like this. Also, I mean, this, what you did. You went like this, you went like this. Also, I mean this, what is this? Who does that?

You were theatrical too. It's not a fake. No, we are. We should do a show together. I am, look too. It also is Italian. Remember, there is, I know I'm not that at times, but somewhere there is that.

And I think in Europe, there is, right now, fake in the time, fake in a, like you speak Italian, but you don't have to speak it. Sure. Just got it. Oh, boy. I recently went to a Milano and I performed this straight,

you're a straight Italian guy. Yes. Now, be talking your voice. Multocacca. Yeah, and now talking your voice. Hello. You're a gay American. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, a gay American. So listen, I know you have, how long you been in New York?

Probably 11 years. 11 years and then you kick and ask man, you're blowing up right now. How does that feel? Is it something where you're like, I'm into it? I knew, this is what I want or you nervous, are you like, you know, it's like, oh shit, I knew this is what I want or you nervous. Are you like, you know, as like, oh shit, I hope this stuff works out.

How are you feeling about all this stuff going on? Cause right now, you're blowing up. Things are happening. I appreciate it. I mean, I'm like, I'm a workhorse. So I just work constantly and I think, right now it's like, oh, I need to do an hour, not just because I need to do an hour of career,

I need to make something that is a fuller piece that is a bigger thing than the clips, than the this, than the, I always love writing new material, but it's like, I need to fucking make a thing so I can look and go, look, I made a thing. There's so much of just churning, churning, churning. And I think sometimes I, that's where I am like creatively. I like touring.

You know how it is though? It's just about ticket sales now. And every day you go, Jesus Christ, I, this didn't help ticket sales at all. Yeah. I thought the Netflix set would move a couple tickets in Tampa and you're like, not even two. No.

And so I do, I love, I love that I get to headline and do long sets. I mean, that is the dream is to be on stage and be well. Well, it's back in the day you would be in the city working on your set at the Salar wherever, just working on five minute, ten minute, 15 minute sets. And then all of a sudden you have a 15 minute killer and you put that aside. You had another five and then all of a sudden you have a 15 minute killer and you put that aside you had another five and then Obviously you have another 50 and by the end of the year or year and a half you'd have an hour and then you'd work that hour on the road and

Then around two years you'd have a solid hour that you'd want to film will put on a tape or a CD and put it out there for people to buy at your shows or somewhere But now it seems like you have to constantly discharge material up on this thing every other day to get people to like it, to get people to follow you so that the club sees you have, okay, he has a million followers on Instagram. And then you can go sell out the room, but you got to have the goods. But I also have to figure out, okay, this chunk, I'm not going to release it now, keep working it, keep working it.

And then hope that it has enough of an edge that in three years, when you finally perfect it, then you put it on a spot. I think everyone's releasing so much, ultimately, be material, specials. Or be material that could have been A, but they didn't have the time or the discipline or just the career doesn't support it. You release the specials sometimes, no one fucking sees it.

So then you go, well, what was I saving it for? So I'm figuring out that because if you just do the little things, I think sometimes I feel like, well, what did I make? I made a couple clips that some people liked. I wanna make a bigger thing. It's, yeah, I mean, I feel like, well, what did I make? I made a couple clips that some people liked. I wanna make a bigger thing. It's yeah, I mean, my last hour, I feel like I should have,

I could have waited another six months. Sure. I could have, I could have hit it maybe three months and made a little, a few different choices in it, but it's because, you know, Louis, it was just like, we're gonna do it now. And I needed to get it out because if I look at the timeline, I knew that Ari was putting his special out on YouTube free

and then Big J was putting his, all of a sudden, I knew that paying for a special was going to be gone. Yeah. So I knew I had to get it out before Ari put his out. Sure. So we had to do it when we did it Was it ready? Yeah But could I have waited it made me maybe polished it a little more? Sure, I said I mean Louis Louis had plenty of specials that

are imperfect but the The chunks are so good that it works better and perfect. I would struggle with that. Like Shane Gilles' first special was the same way where it just felt like this was what he was on the road with. It wasn't like, finally, some jokes had a couple tags that you could have cut it off,

but it felt more real because of it. Like, Louis at the comedy store definitely felt like that was like it wasn't polished polished, but it was so fucking good. Louise guy, I was at my cigar lounge other night. Can I talk about that? We were like, they were all the guys, older guys than me.

And they're like, we're gonna watch Kings of Comedy. And I was like, all right, but it's good, they're good. I'm not gonna take anything away from all the Bernie Mac is the star. Yeah, yeah, yeah. DL's funny, of course. I'm not gonna say, you know, Steve Harvey funny. They're all funny dudes. I was like, in the 10 minutes and a couple laughs here and there.

We just watching comics. Yeah. I go, you guys want to laugh. Put Patriso Niel's special in. Sure. And they were like, who? And I was like, gosh, put Patrice on Neil in the thing. It came up, hit the button, play.

Within fucking two minutes, the whole room was laughing, but like outside laughing, like uncontrollable. These men who would have hated Patrice. Sure. Oh, if he ever... I always like, because I never met Patrice? Sure. Oh, if he ever, I always like, because I never met Patrice or Salpatrice, but like I'm a fan of his work, of course. But I'm always like, oh, he would have bullied me.

I feel like based on the stories. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he would have been, like that's, and it's, he would have called you, but he would have had a bunch of names for you. I'm sure. What we call J. Yesterday, a city sissy.

Uh-huh. Because that's not you. J, J, Big J, because he doesn't do anything. He doesn't have like any, he doesn't do yard work. He doesn't do it. He doesn't adore man building. So he's a city sissy. Yeah.

Oh, Patrice would have made, but Patrice would have liked you though. As long as you're funny and as long as you see the people don't understand, if you fucked with you, and that goes for any of us back then, after you would come to that table, there was way less comedians. There's so many more comics right now, because comedy has was never in the realm of acting or music. It was always something that couldn't be done by regular people. Yeah. But somewhere in the last 10 years, it became just another job where anybody could go in

like acting and learn how to do comedy. Sure, sure. And there's major, you can major it at some colleges that you can major in comedy. So now there's so many more comics, and it was a boys club, but now it's no longer. So there's a ton of girls doing comedy now.

I mean, you look at the stage, we have the five cameras. I remember looking at those at the seller, the five cameras of all the stages. I wanted it was all women. And it was all women of color. You had a heart attack right there. I saw my Jesus hand come up on the table. The The owner man, he was like, no, no.

I don't know if that like I feel sometimes I wish there was more bullying. I miss the bully. Not the bullying, but I feel like the bullying helped keep the bar higher. And I think, but I don't think that's about the diversity. I think that's more about we can all help each other's careers, whether it be podcast, whether it be casting. And so we're all a little bit more hesitant to step on each other's toes. Well, it's 100% that it's more, I told you, it's acting now. Comedy actors don't fuck with each other. You know, you're on the set. Hi, what's going on? Did you see that I did?

Ooh, and then you go in your little trailer. You're fucking asshole. Sure. Comics go right up, dude. What's up with that shirt? Sure. What did you jizz on it? Do you have a fucking burning earth coming at them?

You did just different colors. Yeah, okay. Sesame Street jizz. You fucked them up it. You know what I mean? That's comedy. Yeah. Actors don't do that. Actors go, oh my God, I love that.

Where did you get that? And then they go back, oh I fucking hate that shirt. Did you see that? Oh my God. That's an actor thing. Yeah, actor. Totally, I totally get that. Because if I thin you as an actor, you could fuck me later.

Or you also have to do a scene together. You also have to like, we have to be real teammates right now. Because you have a comedy, I'm the boss. I don't need you for shit. I can walk in, be a dickhead, as long as I go on stage and fucking crush it. Yeah. There's nothing you can do to me.

Sure. That's why comedy was always the shit. That you could just go up, even Patrice, his dickness would overcome, be overcome by his funniness. Of course. Even the industry had to bend to him. Yeah, a little bit. He bent to them at the end too, but you know,

that's why I used to. Was he a frustrating friend? Like was he like, you're like, you have a walk with him, it took seven years to get somewhere. Yeah, it was like a, like walking with my, but was it like, it was like, was he someone who like, shot himself in the foot, like career like, it was like, was he someone who like shot himself in the foot,

like career wise, we were like, why did you do this? You have to go on stage and say this about that person, they run, JFL, you know, things like that. Yeah, yeah, that's tough. But that's why it was so funny. But that, I think, look, it's weird. It's comedy's weird now. Like that back table, if you go back there,

it's always well adjustedadjusted conversations. Uh-huh. Where before, people used to be afraid to go back to that table. I missed that. Because. Not that I'm at the table. It would be like, you know, like there'd be no pep talks.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, we never did that shit. It was a little, it was a little more rougher, but everything was now. Everything is a little more, everything. And, you know, I don't know if it's good or bad. I don't know if it's, I mean, I could say it's fucking shitty and sucky. I can see the ways that it's bad now.

Again, I don't want everyone to be mean. I said to the somebody at a comic club, the owner of one of the comic clubs, and go, hey, can he kill us? Any, he goes, uh-huh. He has a lot of good comics. But no killers. See, I started doing check spots at LOL.

And like, that was a mean. There was still a mean vibe there. And I was like, you know, bullied, not in a way that would make me want to quit, but Ken Boyd, if I was bombing on stage, he'd, for the back of the room, he'd say, boo and word boo and he just shout it and it pissed me off in the moment, but it did make me better. No, of course. It did.

Dude, I used to fuck a stool. You know, many times I would come up stairs and be like, how is the stool? How's the baby girl? How's your baby girl? We saw you fucker there. That's good. So that's good. I remember who was a boss wiped off the stool after, after I, he went after me whenever the baby wipe

and cleaned it up. Yeah. Yeah, it is good. I think it is good, but it is, it's a, there's so much more comedy now. There's way more comedy clubs. There's so many more, I mean, even the comic cell of five clubs over the fuck it's got yeah You know it's it's changed the people it's gonna switch around. It's never I don't think it's ever going back dude

I don't think it's ever going back. I yeah, I really do think a big part of it is that now that we all have Like think about it. There's people whose podcasts I wanna go on or who we might work together. And so I'm nicer to them because it's like if I was talking to the president of NBC, I wanna be nice to him. Maybe I'll be on a show someday. So everyone's too, I do think there's some like battles.

I do think Matt Rife kind of made some people speak out and go, oh, I don't like this. What, don't they like him? Him, the popularity of it, people are mad about crowd work. I think there are some divisions in stand-up comedy that they crack now and then. But they, I heard all online. That's the problem.

Online people can get a lot of steam off. And I'm like, we gotta start fighting at the table. Yeah. I just don't, if Matt Reif came to the table now, he'd be like, oh my God, how are you? Oh, that's good. You should do my, okay, yeah. Exactly.

We're back before if he came to the table. Were you, were you at Galips? Sure. Exactly. What would you do that, but would you do that to him? I want to fuck your chin. That'd be my shirt. That would be great., but would you do that to him? I want to fuck your chin. That'd be my shirt. That would be great.

I'd like to fuck that nice sexy chin you had put in. See, but that would be filled with that. If you were there, oh, we'd fight over you. Me and Keith would prison fight over YouTube, bitches. No, I think it depends on who's there, of Keith's there. Let me face it, Keith is at the table on a there, of Keith's there. Let me taste it. If Keith is at the table on a Friday night, then I show up, it turns.

If Keith's there, Voss is there, Norton, I would not come to the table. It's gonna go bad. It's going to go, yeah, I've shown up, and I'm like, I gotta take a deep breath. I'm 53. Now, if I see Keith and Voss on Norton at the table, together with Quinn, on a Friday night, I take a deep breath,

I look at all the stuff and I go, let's go, what's up guys? Ah, shut up, are you happy this? Right out of the gate, no matter what I say, it's happening. But that's kind of gone, I think. Yeah, and it's a cool thing. So bring it back, you pussy. Sure, next time I see you, I'll say,

what the fuck is that happy? I'm gonna file a herb. I didn't do nothing. I like you I have my part. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it a call and quit. Why are you giving up? You fucking see that's the thing you're right Really you're right fucking silly bitches I have can I ask you a question real quick for it? I am Hang on a sec Where are they Right here

Can you do me a big favor seeing is that you're gonna probably be a big star in a few months? I hope I think so. Thank you. I think you got what it takes I hope you're doing you become a star star. You pull that pant leg down. I don't know what that's all about. Can we do that right now? It's honestly people think it's like as if I'm like showing off. It's I have weird skin things. Like I think I just I don't like clothes.

I don't like clothes. Like it's getting a short. You'd be naked right now. If we if we if I came back and you were down or were really down to do it Yeah, I had a little time to prep I want to tell you on the chair. This is a nice chair We should be some bear ass on this thing. I should be snow first of all this chair has so much jizz on it from the 60s When this came out of a jazz club. Oh, yeah, I mean fucking trumpet players have gotten head off this chair This was get ahead and the chair like this you would feel like okay. Yeah, that's right. I would never get naked around you. Are you crazy?

What do you think's gonna you get naked around me and I'm gonna happen? I just I couldn't resist no I would take you here in front of all the cameras. No, I'm just my dumpy fucking tits in you know fucking Hugh Jackman at when he was 14 body I had Thompson girl, do you know him I've never met him, but I'm familiar great guy. Mm-hmm. Just awesome guests sweetest sweetest pie sure but Every show we asked questions at the end from the fans Every show we asked questions at the end from the fans, but he left the stupid producers forgot to say about the There was so enamored. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is there any way I can ask you the questions and you can answer them as Tom Seger? Sure. I'll do my best. All right. Great. Hey everybody. I want to ask these questions to Tom. Hey, what's up, Tom?

Hello Scruffy bones. This is first question from Scruffy bones. Great. Did you and Christine have equal input in the formation of your mom's house platform of podcasts? How did the idea first, how did the idea for first date come about? Well, normally I charge for industry questions, but I okay. No, my my my wife we she came up with most of that shit and I just I just said yeah, honey interesting and then we both did it in a racist accent well said Well said a good comedian can get away with a lot of things but losing sleep isn't one of them

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remember to give yourself love this holiday. Remember to take care of yourself because if you can't love yourself, you're not gonna be able to love other people. I go to therapy all the time. I've been going for years. I've gotten many of friends into it. And now it's so great that this is so easy. The problem is, is getting people to a place, to park your car, get there, go upstairs, waiting in an uncomfortable room. You know, you got to cancel it because you something came up at work or the kidney. It doesn't work like that anymore.

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Benjamin, Benjamin you hate to see he's from he's from Canada The whole country then most jar can't it was most jar Canada. Yeah, you hate that I hate it whenever and why and why oh Just because the people from that country asked the dumbest fucking question Good answer well said well said Edward question. Good answer. Well said. Well said. Edward Batello. What is the biggest Aureola a chick has had you looked up with? You hooked up with? How big? Aureola is the round part of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm top. I've seen them all. Oh, yeah. I thought you were the other guy on my show. I didn't know what Aureola's work guys. Yeah. Chase, pretty big, pretty like a small T-plate.

Like a regular sized titty. Yeah, and it was pretty much the whole thing. All right, great. Go outside. Go outside. Yeah. Most spoken. Jay has a question for you, Tom.

Give it to me, Jay. Give us a story of Bert. He doesn't want many wanted to know. Oh, Bert. Hi. Bert, do whatever you want. We know that right Hi. Bert, do whatever you want. We know that right now. Bert, he allegedly, allegedly,

Bert allegedly, he doesn't like beer very much at all. He doesn't, and he really struggles every time. He is actually water, it's colored to look like beer. Really. And yeah, and he'd like to put a shirt on now, but he, he feels stuck. He wants to put on a sweater. He wants to kind of switch it. He's cold. He goes on, he's freezing.

I mean, every goddamn day, he has to go out there and goes, oh, god, I gotta take off the shirt. And I got to drink water beer. Yeah. Damn. He's, he's, he's, that, that laugh of his is really just crying. It's crying. It's crying and he squeezes it And that's why get so high It's crying so sad he wouldn't want anyone to know but so sad I'm in I have to reveal it

Thomas well said as well said KB longtime listener big listener, big time mommy, since Nadav left the show, you know Nadav. I don't know. Rest in peace. When I'm supposed to laugh, oh, cause a guy used to laugh when he did, you consider doing more live show,

so you are slower listeners, like myself, can chuckle along, love you. He loves you. That's our KB. When Nat I've left the show, I don't know under laugh. Have you considered doing more live shows? No. Go on your podcast app, slow it down.

Go with a friend that can point to you for when you should laugh. That's good. That's good. I really leaned into the top of the mean side. I'm sure he's nicer than that. Staying character. Oh yeah.

Don't come out. I'm leaning into my mean side. Yeah, there you go. Right, Julia has Garth contacted you regarding the bodies. Garth Brooks, because he's murdered people. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I know. You don't have to give me any context to that question.

Right aware. Garth, yeah, he sent me some encrypted texts. And we're gonna find those bodies. Wow. It can disappear. Well, thank you. Thank you for answering those, Tom. That's Tom Siguora answering the questions

from the Patreon. There you go. Is this about you doing with every person? You asked the previous, like the next person to be like, have you ever sucked a dick? First time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha First time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Do you find this cock attractive? Yeah, we have a whole bit coming down.

Anyway, we do have a thing I wanted to do with you. Please. Guys, is that set up? Yeah. All right, we're gonna think called, I would love to do with you. First of all, I wanna go, where are you performing?

What's going on? You're going to LA to shoot a pilot. Can I talk about that? I'm not talking about it, but you're going out, I mean, you're going to a pilot presentation. And that's amazing. Yeah.

Are you excited? I am excited. So first thing I've ever done with like a filmed panel live audience thing. Right, so yeah. And then you know, find your first class. No, wow. Fucking streaming sucks.

I mean, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah. You know, NBC, or it was a Fox. I did a show for the first class. Hotel was five star. Per diem waiting for you. And you're, I meanm, waiting for you. I mean, dude, it was...

I feel like I got like a tiny taste of that good TV money. I was like the general electric sort of spokesman for like two years just before I did stand up. Right. You might have probably seen it. It was like my dad who was Rick Orphman Rick. I know Rick. Yeah.

He was my dad in this commercial and he had a big hammer And he said you can't pick it up can you and the joke was like oh, I work for GE, but I actually I do coding I don't do the mechanical thing right and he goes you're gay He said you're gay. No, but that that that was that was the undercurrent of the commercial I mean that's the undercurrent of the show the undercurrent of the I mean, that's the end of the corner of the show. The other corner of the corner. The other corner was like, you're not a manly man. And I'm like, well, you can still work at your e.

And I got to do like these live corporate events where they would like fly me to Vegas for the e conference. And I would come on stage and be like, I can pick up the hammer. And then they applaud. This would go not give me $15,000. Wow. I thought I'd enter that era of my career. Yeah, I did not.

He did not. You go sucked back down to us. Back to Tuesday night. Back to spot pays. 10, 15 after Norton. Uh huh. Yeah, you fuck up. I'm gonna hit.

Oh, that's good. You have to come up. Hey, let me snap you out of that. Yeah. All right, we got a little thing we're going to do with you. Please. It's called Defend Your Tweet. You've made some tweets. Oh, boy, what flavor of tweet are we going to go here?

We're going to play Defend Your Tweet. So here you go. You ready? Your first one. Can we read it, please? Pretty controversial. Listen, hey Hey You did it Defend it. Here we go. There's your camera right there. Look over here. Look okay. Oh, there's you they'll read it here. Go ahead. What is it?

upcoming date 1124 and 25 DC 123 Pittsburgh 1228 to 30 filly filly everything else at a link for yeah Defend your tweet defend that oh my god I the shakes through my body just now I Well these were Admittedly, you know, I don't like talking about this publicly often, but I perform stand-up comedy Jesus and and these were some gigs that I had. And, you know, DC shows they sold out.

So in a way, the tweet was a success. Improv DC? No, just the comedy loft. OK. But the big room. And the big room. And yeah, I'm going to be in Philly and all those other dates. So that's what I do. Unfortunately, self-promotion is just part of what I have to, I'm sorry.

No, that was good. That was good. You defended it. Now, defend this tweet right here. Defend this one, right? Read it. I am flattered that so many theater majors like, like my stand-up comedy, but I was really hoping for a fan base with an expendable income. hoping for a fan base with an expendable income. I fuck man. Why I've listened. I have a fan base and we all know we all at sometimes we resent our fan bases. We go, what have I built? What is this monster?

Yeah, I middle-aged ball guys with fucking deviated septums and belly button hernius. Piss me off. Yeah. Yeah. I that and that's how I feel these Piss me off. Yeah. Right. And that's how I feel. These theater majors, they're loud.

I know that I know that if I die on stage before they'd help me, they'd go up and try a couple jokes for their own. But they give you a standing o every time. Sure. Just like Broadway. And they say matter of the quality. At the end of your set, they say Bravo.

Bravo. They give me flowers. They say they're proud of me. Oh, unbelievable. And we have another one. Ready? Yes. Def give me flowers. They say they're proud of me. Oh Unbelievable. I have another one ready. Yes. Defend this tweet Here we go now that Now that the strike is over I can announce that I had a role on CBS's blue bloods in 2013 I played a reporter number two in three episodes of CBS's Copicando program blue bloods. And in each one, I asked Tom Selik a question.

He pretty much ignores it. You mean the gun guy Tom Selik? Yeah, sure. I, I, uh, I was a young actor. I just was saying yes to anything that came my way. And honestly, it was exciting at the time and now it's just the shame Never you get those checks now. Yeah. Oh, yeah, there's channels out there that just play Blueblitz so I get a lot of those small checks but at the end of the year three episodes probably make three to five grand every year

off just those residuals fuck Reporting number two. I think our addition for that, I didn't get it. You should, I mean, you should have been a blue blood. I'm so blue bloods. I'm so blue bloods. Are they done filming?

They're, they announced that they're going to their final season. I mean, Tom Salk is 108 years old. He's so bad. It's a man. His dad on the show is only six years older than him. It's true. Len Caru places dad. And when I did it, it sounds like a black baseball player from the

sixties. You know, Len Caru just did a home run. And they had to change some camera angles because they couldn't show him walking. Why? Because when he walks, you can see how old he is. Really? So they had to make it so if you look at like later episodes, there's very little of, there's no walk and talk scenes. No. There's people walking up and he's sitting. Is he that old?

I mean, he must be, if I were to guess 86. Fuck off. There's no way Tom Celix 86. 79? What is it? He's 78. 78. He's tall.

He's old. He's no's old as the head of the police I mean he should be playing like a president at 65 they retire yeah, I mean 78 holy shit Wow Can I see is there Tom select walking funny? Can you see if there's a video up there one more tweet ready? We have any more All right, let's go defend this tweet. How dare you defend this my friend go If anyone you're in your life is interested in pursuing an acting career. I'm available to talk them out of it The fuck is wrong you you killing people's dreams, huh? Do you know how much I spent going to college for musical theater? How much? I don't know 200,000 dollars. Can you sing?

I used to I mean mean, I could. Sing that sentence. May I come, Ellie? Wait, let me see it. If anyone in your life is interested in pursuing an acting career, I'm available to talk them out of it. You know what? I'm glad nobody talked you out of it. That was great. Thanks. I'm by. Hi. That's not how it works.

That's not everyone who sings just becomes by 100%. That's 100%. That's me. So now your girls here, you guys live together. So if you get it, this thing thing goes and you start having them, when you just ready to go to LA, you're ready to... The standard in LA blows, dude, you know? I don't know about that.

I just think like every time at least I come to the seller, and it's not that many places, but you'll follow someone and you're like, oh, that thing that I thought was done because it killed on the road. It's not fully cooked. And I think if I lose that, I get nervous. Right. And LA, you can lose that quick. Really?

I think so. I don't know. LA. Comedy and LA. LA back, I think in the 80s and 90s, you know, when I think they had a, I think I like to have a bad rap because you had to go and if you had, if you were the garbage man, if you were a ski instructor, you know,

you'd go up and do that shit. And then someone would be like, they'd have the industry showcases and they'd be like, we, you know, let's get him and sign him for a deal and we'll lock all these people down and the shows would never go. And they have all these people that have development deals and holding deals and they would never go and they would just be stuck in LA doing shitty comedy about something they did for

one summer. Did you have that? Did you have like Rob? No, I never had a development deal. I never did. I was in New York and I was bombed on those showcases. Yeah. I bombed so bad on a showcase once.

I had to go up, I forget it was Mike, Mike D'Steffano, which I don't know if you know. I, of course, I don't. Okay, so you know, very funny. Pete Correlli, you know him? I don't know if I know Pete. hilarious. So it was in LA at the improv, everybody was there. Every, you know,

a GmbC, a CBS, I mean, agents, everybody, networks, right? Pretty big one. Yeah. And the three of us are pretty similar, you know, just, sure, man, yeah, doing man shit. And Mike, the staff andanow goes up and just crushes. Yeah. Corielli goes up and he's just a word smith, just fucking murders. And I went up and in the first five fucking seconds knew I was gonna take a hot one.

Oh. But they just didn't, you could tell that they were like, fuck, we already saw, we wanted to see. I don't know why. They just didn't, you could tell that they were like, fuck, we already saw what we wanted to see. I don't know why. They just didn't like me. And I remember it was dead silent for a minute. And I was doing my act and it was just a couple people going, so I just stopped. I just stared at them.

I went like this. It's a nightmare. I just stared at them. I went like this. It's a nightmare. And I stared them all. I tried to look at everybody in the room. Like literally, make eye contact with every single person. I counted the 25 seconds in my head, I think, a 30. And I was just deafening. And I just looked at them. The room was dead silent.

And I just went, at the end of the 25, 30 seconds, I went, wow, that was pretty uncomfortable, huh? And I went, now you know, I felt, fuck you. And I walked off stage. No. Really? Yeah. Yep.

I walked off. My agent ran out. What the fuck was that? There was so much. I was like, fuck that. I turned Boston. Fuck that. Those cock-sackers.

How fucking day are you? That's so funny. Mark Wahlberg, do you fucking do that to me, kid? Yeah, it was miserable. I mean, that's, if you were bombing, might as well get that out of it. That's brave. I heard that's great.

I heard, if you ever call me brave again, I'll fight you. That's brave. I'll fucking kill you. I will suck you off in front of these autistic kids. When you, I heard someone, a second hand at an open mic, someone was bombing and he said, do you guys want, halfway through, he said, you wanna see my impression of a comedian turning it around halfway through his set. And I was like, that's a really brilliant

like your bomb. And can you, can you reset? Can you really reset it? You can reset in front of a regular crowd. Sure. You can't reset in front of industry. Sure. They're so tainted. Yeah. And so, you know what I mean? They're not there. They are there to see who they want to see. Sure. Sure. And unless you are really doing something that they have, you know what I mean? As far as ways, there's too many industry.

If it's enough normal people, sometimes you can have a normal show. Like JFL, industry is in the back. In the back. And the back. You really get a real fight. Right. Yeah, they do it right. They'll put everybody, it's a real crowd up from. Exactly. But these things will show kid, industry showcases.

They don't do them anymore, I don't think. You know, right? They have like SNL stuff, but. Oh, I did that too, that was a word. But sometimes you're like, the people who get it, you're like, it feels like they had an idea going in who they were gonna screen test. Of course, and if SNL was the worst audition ever,

have you done it? I did it a couple of years ago. I had a good set, but not- What were the characters you did? I did stand up. They like to do stand up now. Oh, back then you needed three characters and two original characters.

Character sets, I think like if I really worked on it for a year I could come up with one but like quick no way. I mean that shit is really hard. I did Christopher walkin. Yeah You know I don't do impressions But one that I can do in front of everyone is Christopher walkin and But one that I can do in front of everyone is Christopher Walken. And after silence, you looked at Lord Michael's

in the eye for 25 seconds and said, fuck you. It was in Boston. Yeah. I know it was in New York somewhere, but the casting director was from Boston. And she got my other friend, Al, who a week before I was like, doing it, I'm like, I'm gonna do Christopher Walken. I was doing it so much that he was like,

dude, stop doing Christopher Walken. It's a fucking annoying. That's how much I was like, I'm like, I'm gonna do Christopher Walk. I was doing it so much that he was like, dude, stop doing Christopher Walk and it's a fucking annoying. Yeah. That's how much I was doing it. He went in before me and I did mind. She goes, oh, the guy before you just did one, too. I was like, you cock, sucka. That sucks.

And he went in and did, you know, he fucking stole it. I, you have to be so good. Like the guy who's on there now, John, James Austin Johnson, John, James Austin Johnson, he does like incredible impressions. There's no point competing with him. He's a savant. I did, I can do Jeff Goldblum.

Can I see it? Yes. Well, I studied, I got Jeff Goldblum a lot. And I said, I said, I said, so I said, well, I better start working on this because everyone thinks I'm like him and he's Jewish. And it's not bad. But I did it so much that you can in my act here, like some musicality things that just seeped into my, in the way, you'll hear it. Now and then, I can't do any other impressions.

So him and John Mulaney were the only toy ever. Oh, John Mulaney, what is John Mulaney? Well, I can only do it when he's doing stand up. My ex-wife. Yeah. And I had to stop that. I love cocaine. I love cocaine so much It's the best

I'd tell you that guy man. He came out of nowhere and look I'm at the salad just murdering for years, right? And he came out of nowhere and he saw you know, I'm whatever I didn't really give a fuck about anybody You know sure and he went up one night in front of me at the village on the ground and Level the fuck I mean just this nerdy. Yeah, and I've never saw anything like that You know like we're just this nerdy white guy Went up and fucking leveled the place. Yeah, and it took me a couple minutes To get just shake him off whatever the fuck he did to them. And he is a murder. Oh, he's a, and I also like, as I get older,

or as I do more of the career, I'm like, oh, it's really tough just to stay good. And this, when you have a fan base, it's tough to stay good. Just so many, you have other responsibilities, TV, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, he sustained this like very high bar for a long, fucking. Yeah, him and Ryan Hamilton are just two of the Rebe dudes

that crush in a weird, clean, you know what I mean? It's like, you know, I go up, but I got a lot of energy. I'm going, fuck, I look at you, you're a fuck. I mean, there's a thing, but Ryan Hamilton's just this, you know, he's a goofy looking side felt dude. Yeah, I mean, he's like, side felt with COVID, but he crushes. And they both do it clean, like I'm not a clean,

and I don't wanna be a clean, but when you see someone clean crush that hard, your party's like, Jesus Christ. It's a, yeah, I do respect it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do, I can't do it, but I do. I respect it, I don't understand yeah. I do, I can't do it, but I do. I respect it. I don't understand why. I don't understand why, especially if you're like,

if you person, if you're like that, that's who you are, then that makes sense. Yeah, it's not me. You have me neither. My dad was a cursor. Yeah, I mean, I grew up. It's so weird, you're so not like that. You had some pimp crazy person, cursing dad, and you were like-

But he was also flimboin' and like, he has a flimboin' to him. I would bet. If we're talking about like bisexuality, I would bet that my dad is actually- I don't say stop, stop. I bet it's fine. I bet he gave it a name.

I want you to say it. He's gave it a name. I want you to say it. He's got a big, big, big, big- He's got a big- He's got to be. He's got to be. He's got to be. I will not let you call your father gay on my podcast. You think he is?

Oh my god. I think he's by. Maximus, if you ever do this to me, I'll kill you. What's this thing on your merch? You got Comrag merch? What are you talking about? That was the fur. I have like newer like the shirts on the tote bags,

but originally it was a, it was a Comrag. It was a, it was just a bit that ended with a joke about only owning two towels and one was a Com towel. You got a, you got a tour date. I mean, you're touring everywhere dude. Look at this. Can we read some of these? Please.

Go to his website. What's his website? Oh, Joe Marco is RISSEE.com. That's a long one. You couldn't have come up with a fucking acronym. It's one of those things like Joe Marco.com is taken by some guy who hasn't used it since 2007 And you're like, how do I get this just how about juicy lips? Dot com or put in juicy lips.com and see what comes up right about gay Wolverine We'll get a game Wolverine right now. It's here because they're all taken gay Wolverine is taken by a gay something It's huge happens to grind a profile. No, it's single

Is it not gonna? It's gonna give us a virus for sure. Oh nice talking to you. I mean what the fuck do you know It's gonna give us a virus a comedy virus. You're not doing what you told Who does that who says that on a book what producer goes? It's gonna give us a virus You're fucking old Jew there's viruses in the computer and we'll get the Hamas is coming to get us if we go to gay huge there's anyone who knows viruses from porn sites it's this guy back there that's true he knows he's like I've tried this site before believe me you're going to be all over the place. Memphis, Tennessee.

You're going to Jackson, what is it, Jacksonville? Or Jane, what is it? Jane'sville, Wisconsin. Jane'sville, what's going on? Comedy capital of the world. Comedy, Jamesville, Wisconsin. Jesus Christ, Philadelphia. He's everywhere.

I mean, Philadelphia for five shows, six shows. Tampa, Florida, you have size, what is? Uh huh. Great, great. One of the greatest, my favorite clubs, one, you at Side's putters? Uh-huh. Great, great. One of the greatest, my favorite clubs, one of my favorite clubs. You're all over the place. Go to his website, he's got a ton of dates,

very funny, and I mean, I've heard nothing, but great shit about you. That's very kind. As far as you stand up, you just kill, you fucking murder. Thank you. And now you're going out to LA to film something, you're on your way to fucking making it happen.

And you were, you, and not what, I mean, you, you work the clubs. You were at the, you were at the, this thing right here. Uncle Vinnie's. You're at Uncle Vinnie's. Uncle Vinnie's. Now, quick little thing. I love Uncle Vinnie's. Yeah.

But I had a lady, I had a whole thing at, when I was there too. And clearly this club is, is, is, because it's BYOB and people show up two hours early and they get drunk. What happened to you? Could you guys explain what happened real quick for you? I wish it was mine your own business. It's fucking loud, chatty assholes. So, thanks for laughing at the day.

I've been there twice now, but the first time, Arielle Elias opened for me. Great comedian, good friend. That's not good, carried away. And we have a little bit of that. Okay, she's, there was a lot of that. Okay, excuse me. I, there was a group that was there early drinking, celebrating something where they were

in fake mustaches, something Mexican related, but they were all white. It shouldn't be allowed. When you see them coming with dumb hats or stupid things and they're trying to make wherever they were, this, you're a comedy club, you gotta take that shit off. Why? Because you're a comedy club and you're being distracted.

You're gonna distracted the people, you stupid shit and you're antics. And you should know that douchebags right away. It's the same with Bachelorette parties. It's not that Bachelorette parties are inherently, it's that they're having an event. It's their night and a comedy. And their 100% are inherently shitheads.

Sure. They have one girl, usually middle aged They're 100% are inherently shitheads. Sure. They have one girl usually middle aged in a fucking tiara and a sash. Grow the fuck up. Seriously, go out with me a night, but don't go to a comedy club. And if you got to go to a comedy club, dress appropriately. Don't dress like you're just the queen of the ball, you fuck, you're not, you missed it.

You didn't get it. You didn't get it. Now you get married. Don't go to a church, because you don't pray or believe in God. You believe in money and fame and clicks, okay? So just go out and have your party and don't single her out as someone better

than everybody else in the room. Because you're not. You should have did it a years ago when you were a virgin and don't wear white you slut. Are you saying? Who do you think? So we had a bachelor party the second time that they had to get thrown out. Of course. So our LLI's was up, she was going up first and I don't know. Of course. So Arilla Lies was up, she was going up first, and someone just shout, she said like any questions. She had a trump joke, right?

No, she just talked about, you know, stuff that were progressive in the setup. Yeah, progressive. Yeah, white people were not like, men are stupid and they should be killed. No, no, but, but, but, Black Lives Matter, white lives don't. That's the whole set. She goes up, she goes but Black Lives Matter white lives don't that's that she goes up she

goes black lives matter follow the science gay people should be able to have everything white sys men take it from them. Yeah, I but it really wasn't anything super politically charged the good jokes and then this person said, did you vote for? Did you vote for Trump? That was how it started. And Ariel tried to be like, she had established that she was the only Jew in the room that day, other than myself. She's voting for Trump this time. Ha ha ha, you know that.

Mousel tough bitch. You know, you vote for Biden. Biden wants fucking Biden's palace, didn't he? Oh God. Yeah, you vote for Trump now, baby. I being a joke changed. I don't think that's right. Biden last night he was light of the menorah.

Last night, it was last night, Biden he said he said without Israel, no Jew is safe. And it was like, oh my God, Jesus Christ, what happens to us here? So, are you, are you'll try to like it out of it? And then also said like, I live in New York, my vote doesn't matter. And the person said, I can tell from your jokes you voted for Biden. And she said, and I can tell from the fact that you're talking when no one wants you to,

that you voted for Trump. Yeah. Got a good pop. That's pretty fun. Got to go, it was good. And it worked in the room. It's great. And then she moved on.

And then this woman's boyfriend or husband, shocked a beer can, missed her, thankfully. And then they walked out, and she was shocked for a second, but then she picked up the beer can and just chucked it. Backed, and it was, what? Backed out. She picked up a threw it back. No, no, she just chucked it.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. And it was just bad, it was just like, badass. It was just badass. And it was a perfect clip, and it was spray. What sucks is you don't know, she is recovering

Alcohol she's been on the street since sure right back to booze. Yeah, yeah, and she's voting for Trump this year Uh-huh. Yeah, that's the RL in a nutshell. I saw that it was pretty badass. She just grabbed the beard and checked it Yeah, it was it was wild. Yeah, what were you doing? Fucking god damn it. Don't talk to the crowd. I I told you no crowd work. Bitch, that's my thing. Once, once the person, once the person had left, I think the dark thought was I knew like, Oh, did we, did she get that with her camera with all the commotion was someone standing in front of it somebody because because I knew in that moment too That this was viral this was viral and we went home the way day We were just talking and and she was like yeah, I think I'm gonna

I'll get a caption by Monday and I was like I think you should do it And this is not me taking a cry, but she did it that night. Yeah that night and I think it was very traumatic To scary that night and I think it was very traumatic to scary. For her, someone chucked a fucking, whenever I make gun jokes and I'm like in Alabama, I get, if I have the thoughts, someone's gonna shoot me, it's a scary thought. Well, then don't make a gun joke and I will

be able to do it in a tech. But then at some moment you're like, I'm brave. You're not brave. You're fucking dumb. Sure. Isn't bravery stupidity in a way? But you got a free beer. Uh-huh.

I mean, come on, you gotta look at the, little, the good part of things, man. Technically it was, I think it was a spike sensor. It was a highlight. She actually probably sells out better than you there now. Oh, well, I don't think she'll ever go back there, but she definitely like, she stopped opening for me after that.

Let's tell you that. That's wild, you know? At one incident, just fucking popped her off. Yeah, but it's, she should've heard it. It's about it didn't hit her. I don't know if it would've, she, if it hit her on the head, she fell. And she might've made more money off of GoFundMe for it,

but not like, I mean, you know what, she should've got her own bud like, can. Sure, sure. I got hit in the head by one of these fucking days. But she did, Kimmel after that. She did stand up on Kimmel and did a little back. And I did.

I actually had a lady who jumped on stage. I had a guy in the front row on his phone. Oh, it was a nightmare. And he's checking the game, some stupid, silly game. Yeah. And I let it go. And then by the end, I was a conneuchian. And then some other guy's wife was back in him.

I was like, fuck you too. And then he stood up and they stood up and they took him outside. And then his wife came up on stage and tried to grab the mic. I was, get the fuck out of here. And then some big motherfucker stood up and blah, I was crazy. That was Uncle Vinnie's. Yeah, I've had that happen a bunch of times in Uncle Vinnie's.

And then they, and I, because I went back and there was a Bachelorette party and Dino was in there, but his brother, I think, was just like, and his Bachelorette party doesn't look, they looked to worry some do shorter sets. And I was like, what? Yeah.

Kick him out. It's, there's, so clubs and I was like what? Yeah, get out It's there's So clubs I I was at a casino and they do the thing of is not the bachelor party They say if they there are problems say get them some water and This bachelor party was being so disruptive like I finally said get them some water No, nothing and I go some water over here water for these gals Yeah, and when I got off I said hey, what the fuck happened with the water? He said, he said, you look like you were handling it pretty well.

And I was like, what do you want me to, do you want me to cry? You want me to go crawl into a ball and then you'll intervene? You gotta preemptively, and you can just go over, just stand next to them. You have a big enough bouncer, just standing will do that. You know why, you know why, at those places, they don't do that because they got to get a couple orders in I know like that's why you know

You know I have a saying to is it's not can I get them around to water? I'm like hey, can you pour acid on these cunts face? Like you said the code word yeah, and then they go oh I got I got yeah, yeah, and then they actually pour acid on their cunt faces And then they go, oh, I got it, I got it. And then they actually pull acid on their cut faces. I've burnt many a bride to these faces and they've never gotten married because of me. That's good for you. It's great. You did a service.

That says a comedian. Dude, we got, I want you to go to his website, the website again. John Marcos Arasite. I mean, dude, it's a great name, but it might be too much. I know. It's a hard John Marcos. might be too much. I know. Jamakos. I know they really stuck with them. It's he and not big brand chain.

We could say GMS is GMS.com taken by any chance? How about the sexy Wolverine? All these are taken. And I know they're not. What do you got? Is it taken? What is gay Wolverine taking? Do gay Wolverine, please.

Oh, please, dude. If it's not taken. What do you think it is? I think it's just a random porn site. It's bought up. I don't think so. I think gay Wolverine is available. And I say you get it.

Are you taking your time so that I know what's going on? The inside of my heart and clothes? Or are you doing it for a reason? Oh, no, I'm looking it up. Can you just look it up right there so we can see it? We want to see you look these up. Danny, I will tell you again, can you for the love of everything inside of my heart?

Just bring it up. Danny, I would like for you I mean it's mind-bending do you know Danny I do we we know each other a long time you look just like you Jackman It's I you related to him. I don't think so. Oh my god. Will you hit the fucking button please Danny? I will kill you any what any going on. Danny just? Danny, just go into Google. Just go into Google. I don't care. I want to see it. I want to see it. I want to see it.

I want to see it. I want to see it. I'm so confused what's happening, Danny. Can you sing it? Maybe if you sing it. Danny, go to gay. Wolverine.com. You're gonna come up.com.

Just write gay. It's not reached. Go to website. When you buy a website, let go daddy. He's so dumb at thing, like he's smart in two things and then everything else he's a fucking. Makes great stand up videos. That's why I'm he's awesome, but he is.

But he's dumb as they come. Someone else must be doing the captions. Well, he's typing as a fucking night. He's panicking right now and it's almost it's almost interesting. Just seeing an autistic kid panic bring it up. What does it say? He brings up stuff for fucking juices. He sucks everything out of me, right? Typing. He's just copying, he's just typing games all over. Typing you fuck, how much? Buy it, buy it. Danny.

Wow. Buy it. Sent for the first year? Buy it. I want it. It's yours. Do you want it? I do.

Get, if you, if you don't have, as your website, please go to gaywoeverain.com. Yeah. I hate you All right, well dude check out your stuff. I know you change your flight. You're here to be on the show I really appreciate that man and you come back on maybe this year I would love to I mean watch I'll watch on the family. What's that questions and towards it? I was testing them listen because the last show they didn't do the questions. And I was like, why would you know

you're producing the show? I kind of just go, and will you start your own in the show? I know because I'm the talent. You guys produce it. I go, make sure you say, and he just did a good job. Top score had nine questions.

You got, tch. Okay. This is from Abe. You ready? Yeah, let's do it. This is from Abe. You ready? Yeah, let's do it. This is for you now. We can thank him.

How much would it cost to burn your stupid jacket on stage like Voss? Ha, ha, Voss has had a skankfest a few years ago. Please, is he talking to you? Is that the him, daddy, or that of me? I don't know. I wear jackets on stage. I have like one that is definitely polarizing

at this kind of like an 80s different colors. For me to burn it, I do love that jacket. I would burn it for $2,000. Done. Done. I will buy it for this this for Abe and the fans. That burned his hat for 75. 200. It was 200.

But he owns what a thousand of those. Yeah. And that was $10 at a fucking Rick Sean L.A. All right. This from Jack Hugh Jackman, by the way. Hey, you free Friday night. It's your real dad. Yeah. Which culture dude? Identify with more Italian or Jewish. And which do you free Friday night? It's your real dad. Yeah. Which culture do you identify with more? Italian or Jewish and which do you find more annoying? Well, that's just racist.

Jesus. I would say identify more with the theater. Really? Yeah. Wow. And more because my girlfriend more Jewish these days, but that's because through her. Mazelta.

She's been bringing me this. Shabbat Shalom. I don't remember. Okay, we go. Grazia. What? It's a palietta on a multiband. That's pretty good. Thanks. I didn't know if we would click like we did,

and I feel like we clicked. You're very nice. Very sweet. I'm a sweet young old man. Yeah. Go to my dates right here. I'm going to be in of course Fort Wayne, Indiana on New Year's Eve, 31st, two shows. And I'm out.

So get your tickets, man. If you come and get your tickets in Saratoga Springs the week after that, the week after that, I'm going to be in Chicago. The same week, the 19th, I will be in Germantown and then Glendale was constant. Germantown was constant. After that, I'm be in German town and then Glendale was constant. German town was constant. After that, I'm going of course, my favorite comedy club. One of them comedy connection, Rhode Island. I love them, I'll be there on January 26th.

And I'll be back at Point Pleasant. Uncle Vinnie's getting shit thrown at me and fucking Batchwright parties, fuck it with me. All right, please go to robbercatalive.com for all my tour dates and go to comicwearable.com. Hey man, this is great presence for everybody. You got a birthday, you got Christmas, Hanukkah, whatever you got, get them some gear.

Fuck the check spot shirt, the reg shirt. We got the regs hat up there. We YKWD, brand new hats up there. We got the new stamp hat. Go check it out. We got the sexy robber Kelly, the old fat new stamp hat. Go check it out. We got the sexy Robert Kelly, the old Fat Robert Kelly shirt. Use code word ladybug. Get 20% off.

Guys, what do you got? Max Marcus comedy, all social media. At Danny Braff on Instagram, and see me January 12th at the Dojo comedy in New Jersey. Faster. You could check out the cheese show on YouTube by type it in cheese show. I feel like I told you.

It's like I throw a chicken feed down and then come on. Hull, Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull, Hull.

Hull, Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull.

Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, Hull. Hull, Hull, H downside. Check that out too. There you go. What do you do with yourself? Me and my good buddy Russell Daniels, he's a sketch comedian. What's it about? It's, we have guests on. We just talk about what sucks about their life. They're upbringing where they came from. No shit.

And society. Sounds depressing. Yeah, but it's a good way. And like how did you, Kavachi. Kavachi. Kavachi. Alright, he made that attack. Made that, yeah, yeah.

Kavachi. Kavachi. Kavachi. Shabbat Shalom. Sh attack. Made that, yeah, yeah. Kavetchi. Kavetchi. Kavetchi. Shabbat Shalom, eh? Shabbat Shalom. Shabbat Shalom, eh? All right, we'll see you guys next time on, you know what, dude?

KWD Podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs.