Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Goodbye Jasper

Episode Date: January 27, 2020

We're joined by Joe List and Mike Cannon this week to talk the release of Cannon's new special on YouTube, the best way to maintain your undercarriage (shout out Manscaped!) and say goodbye to Mush's ...dog Jasper.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en preno, conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la edición especial de Madrid nos liga.
Starting point is 00:00:24 Un humenaje de número más que de Madrid. The fact that YKW did podcasts, YKW did back again. Old school, back in the day, we're all starting before them all. YKW did podcasts is so fun and crazy, and there's no rules. Shut up, you all winning this! We're the block band, I'm sorry. It's a comedy podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show?
Starting point is 00:01:04 This is an NPR. That's the Tarkant gun. Is there any better show? This is the original original. Still not the right intro. That's not the new one I sent you. Is that the one with the shorter ending? This is a little shorter. Nice back. I'm gonna make sure it's not. Oh, thank you.
Starting point is 00:01:27 See, he's fucking, I really beaten Mike into just this fucking slave. That intro is great. New intro. So great. What's his name? John Glenin. John Glenin, who is available for hire. He's a hired gun.
Starting point is 00:01:42 Didn't he get shot by the gun? No, that's John Glenin. If I had a, a if i he did my intro song i would be famous yeah yeah if you still live you know booby i love your show you know what dude so i couldn't make the intro of cn heaven uh... i'm still a little appalled that i'm not in the intro i don't know what's written you are no you are i didn't know what's happening. You are, like respect. No, you are. I didn't hear you. It's not Brendan Sagalo, that's him. I didn't say that.
Starting point is 00:02:07 That's Brendan Sagalo. Yeah. He's not up here. He's not up here. He's not up here. I'm sure he hasn't tweeted you. Have you taken an improv class ever? No.
Starting point is 00:02:15 Now I gotta have him spiral out of control for the whole episode. If I had stuck myself for Brendan Sagalo, I mean, just shoot me right in the face. We'd miss. Sorry. Joe is Brendan if they stretched him in his body, kind of shaped thinner. Hey, where's the bomb down there? That was a while.
Starting point is 00:02:31 Wow. I think we have new cameras for that bomb. Yeah. Can you shut the door on the back there, Mr. Somebody? The shot door on Mike's career. The business will do that. It's on its way. Oh, it already has.
Starting point is 00:02:42 No, it hasn't. You got a fucking bustling career right now. You're ready at the beginning. You still like new coaches. Two words. Hairdye. Yeah. I've been told. Yeah. But a lot of people are fighting me to keep it gray and three words. Manscape. My wife got it using your discount code for me for Christmas. I'll tell you right now. Manscape is the, uh, is the, I can't read any of it because I'm like, no, I'm not. So you won't tell us right now. You'll tell us in a few seconds. Man's here right now. Man's here in a few seconds.
Starting point is 00:03:08 Support for the YKWD comes from Man'scape. Who is the best in men's below the belt grooming? I love that. Man'scape offers precision engineer tools for your family jewels. Get 20% off right now and free shipping if you use the promo code.. What is it Fini? Chris
Starting point is 00:03:30 Chris you're the worst dude you bomb every time I give you a shot you fucking fail I mean literally I know but I said Chris and he knew what I meant at manscape.com that's At manscape.com and that's at manscape.com. And that's manscape.com. Okay, I got Paul, hang on one second. Um, hang on. Hang on. There's a one second, buddy.
Starting point is 00:03:56 You're on the YKWD live with, um, what's your name again? Michael. Mike Cannon and Joe List. Oh, what's up, dude? Sorry, I'm reaching interrupt. Yout. You know, you're not. I was just doing my man scape pre-read because they're a sponsor of the show. How you doing? Good.
Starting point is 00:04:13 Good. What's going on? Nothing, buddy. Would you just wake up? You sound a little flustered. No, what the fuck is no. I didn't even know a friend you. I'm calling you. Well, I would, I called you. All right, I know, but you sound like I called you, and I'm bothering you. No, I just had a tech question, and I know you know the shit better than me, and I wanted to ask you a question. Shoot, fire away. If you have a Dropbox video, like emailed to you,
Starting point is 00:04:42 then you, can that be edited from the person that receives it. Like, if I get a video, can I edit that from Dropbox or not? No, from you have to download it, edit it, and then throw it back in the Dropbox and send it back to them. Unless I didn't give you that. So I can't edit is what you're saying. You can download it, then edit it, and then put it back in Dropbox and send it back to them You cannot edit in their Dropbox you have to download it to your desktop
Starting point is 00:05:10 Which is the thing you look at when you see your computer? All right I mean I just told you what the fuck it was What the fuck it was. Yeah, but you didn't answer it the right way Bob. What the fuck are you talking about? I, you know, no, I wanted it to, the, the, the proper thing, what I needed to know is I'm fucking open it. When I open it.
Starting point is 00:05:35 Yeah. When I fucking open it and I look at it. I don't know fucking that. I fucking downloaded when it opened. Did it? No. No, you did not download it. You got to download it. You got to hit the download button.
Starting point is 00:05:47 Click the three dots all the way to the top right of your screen. Top right of your screen is three dots. Click it. So now somebody's talking. Now somebody's talking. I'm not. You didn't ask how to download it. You said you said can I fucking edit it?
Starting point is 00:06:03 Bobby, you said it as if I, you assumed I knew what I'm doing. I just opened an email and saw the video. I don't know. So now that I see three dots at the top, now I fucking know. Click direct. Why are you swearing at me? I feel abused. So you click, click download.
Starting point is 00:06:19 Did you click download? Yeah. All right. Say, are you doing it on a Mac or a PC? Mac. All right. So just download it to your hard drive there or downloads that's direct download right? Direct download right yeah, do that Okay, and now it's did it download or is it download? No, it's downloading right now. It's like three minutes left two minutes left. Yeah, it's gonna be done in a second
Starting point is 00:06:44 We'll stay on the line. We'll walk you through it. Yeah, it's one of my fucking Indian tech serve. Would you want to do Mr. Vazzy? Nope. Wow. That's just one dog. My dog, I guess today, that made me sadder. Fuck with fast. I'm sorry. I try to do accents. I can only do fucking Jim Florentin. It doesn't matter who cares, just put it up. I don't care, no fucking joke. That's a better fucking son of a bitch. You know, did my Florentin. Paul, what do you think of Larry Walker getting in? Um, I like it, but I think that that has hope.
Starting point is 00:07:20 I can't do that to Verzy. It's funny. I can't. He's still going right now. It's funny. I can't. He's still going right now. It's funny. I know, but I love Percy. He's gonna fucking Joe peshing me with a pen in the neck. I am interested to hear what he has to say. You might still be talking when he answers.
Starting point is 00:07:34 Hello. I'm sorry, buddy. I shouldn't have done that to you. What'd you do? I know the phone died out. I got fucking it. It's a D. Wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:07:42 You fucking hung up on the phone. No. I did. First of all, Joe made me do it. I didn't make I got fucking hate to get to you. Wait a minute, you fucking hung up on me. No! I did, first of all, Joe made me do it. I didn't make him do it. I asked the question, Bobby hung up. Here's what happened. I, you were talking, and then you answered, and then Joe said, hang up, like, you pant him on me,
Starting point is 00:07:55 I did it, because I'm a follower, I'm not really a leader. And then right when I did it, I felt bad and called you back. But I am actually interested in hearing what you think are now i feel intrusive so ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Like we do sometimes and you fucking put me on the spot I put you early afternoon. How do I put you on the spot? Hey, oh Paul you're live on YKWD. Yeah, you got my cat at y'all is the fuck to produce so what's up buddy? It's like what say
Starting point is 00:08:37 Don't talk then Paul saying friendship over content. So I should have stopped the podcast and then call them back What is so should I have not picked up the phone. So next time don't pick up the phone. No, it's actually better because if there was an emergency something, that's a good thing. I always pick up the phone, no matter what Paul, do you have any dates to plug? I'll be at comedy on stage. I'm wearing their hoodie right now. I had it on earlier today. Yeah, they shouldn't have gave it to you, Joe.
Starting point is 00:09:07 I earned it. I'm working there for years. I used to. Yeah, but I sell out. I get standing donations. I also sell out. Bobby also ate their king size cheese bowl. So he won the sweatshirt.
Starting point is 00:09:18 Wow, you want to put that around your neck? I'm going to keep this. Comedy on stage, best club in the world. Why they care. they listen to comics and they give a shit about you. The family that works there, the staff that works there, all the waitresses, amazing. It's gonna ruin comedy clubs for you, buddy.
Starting point is 00:09:37 Now I'm looking forward to listening to Downloading. So this is a full tech support. This is like, hang on, I gotta get you a tech number. Just in case you call back, we know where you left off. All right, go ahead. Drag the file into either iMovie or Final Cut Pro. From there, you can edit it. After that, you have to share it back to your desktop.
Starting point is 00:09:56 Then you can upload it back to Dropbox and you're done. And speaking of dragging, we gotta move on. All right. All right, so then you let it. All right, buddy, I'll talk to you, we gotta move on. All right. All right, buddy. All right, so then we'll be later. All right, buddy, I'll talk to you. I love you, buddy. And he really came, he got a came in hot, didn't he? He was like, what the fuck?
Starting point is 00:10:12 I called you. I was like, yeah, but you sounded like I called you. What do you want me to tell you? That was the oldest technology conversation I've ever witnessed. I don't understand how he's gonna edit now though. That doesn't seem like a guy. He's gonna fuck.
Starting point is 00:10:23 He doesn't want to download a video. Yeah, he's gonna throw his computer at the fucking background now. He's gonna call back and be like, all right, how do you edit? And that's gonna be my fault. You fucking, my computer's gone cause of you. How?
Starting point is 00:10:34 You fucking, yeah, it's in the phone. What? And then Mike Feeney said nine things and I didn't know what he meant. And I threw it into fucking quick time. What? Mike Feeney. Oh, sorry, Mike Cannon.
Starting point is 00:10:44 That's okay. Yeah, you guys shouldn't hang out. No, I know, I agree. into fucking quick time. What? Mike Feeney. Oh, sorry. Mike Cannon. Yeah, you guys shouldn't hang out. No, I know, I agree. We're too similar. We host the same show. It's, it doesn't do either of us favors. Yeah, it's stupid. And money is going to be fucking way more sensibly on one.
Starting point is 00:10:56 I know. We just don't know which one yet. I do. We'll see this week. Which one? I'd rather not say. Honestly, him, he has years, he's good. I already look like I'm wilting. How are you guys the same? No, no, he's a little bit younger.
Starting point is 00:11:12 But he'll fall. His irigenetic will catch up to him and he will rot. Yeah, he's going to look like tan mom in around five years. Well, how's pig aging? That's the same thing. Oh, Tig. Oh, yeah, they're the same person. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Phoenix breastless with scars. Yeah. Gee. Leave me breastless.
Starting point is 00:11:31 Hey, these wires under the table making me nervous. I'm afraid I'm going to get a lot more. We're trying to take care of them. I'm sorry. But can I move around? Am I going to rip it all off? Yeah, there's not supposed to be there. There's supposed to be up.
Starting point is 00:11:43 Listen, listen. They're not supposed to be there. There's supposed to be, up, listen, listen. They're not supposed to be there. And I apologize to you. We're redoing the studio. We had some mishaps, flip flops. All these wires are supposed to be away. This table, we're not supposed to,
Starting point is 00:11:58 these are mics that when I started. Yeah. I mean, we're getting mic stands, we're figuring it all out, but it's just taking a little more time. Should we start to say? I was putting it in a bad position. it's just taking a little more time. Should we sign a safe? He's staring right at me. I wasn't trying to put you in a bad position.
Starting point is 00:12:09 I'm just wondering if I kicked this, what's the consequence of all your shut down, knocking my left cannon? Yeah, yeah, don't do that. Oh, really? Yeah, just keep your feet safe. But I have long legs, it's a long, long, long show. Buddy, it should be up. They should, why aren't they up? Why are the fucking wires?
Starting point is 00:12:24 Why are we not improved? We need the wire. We need what? We need to get drilled into the table. What things drilled into the table? Okay, but I don't care about the stands. You need to get the wires. Why are the wires? We're supposed to have one wire. It is. It's that one to five prong. It's one wire now instead of five. Why is it by his fucking little thin feet? Yeah, why are these here? We need everything to be finalized we can do the final put in what's the finalize? What is that? I mean we need to have where these are gonna be right for forever before we can put everything we need Mike Stance a can somebody go on b&H and find really good Mike Stance?
Starting point is 00:13:07 Anyways, let's just move on. Mike Michael was doing bad improv. He's like, we need it finalized. I said, what is it the right way and that didn't go through so I didn't try to change it? Did you get that hat from a writer? What? Fuck it.
Starting point is 00:13:23 I listen. Listen, you look like the safe cracker in every movie. I got, I got Mushi Mike. He's the best guy in the business. That's classic undercover cop hat. Unmarked. Mike, Mike, I feel so bad. His dog passed away. Don't say that while I'm already smiling.
Starting point is 00:13:43 You got to wait for the smile to come down. I'm in mid smile. Now I'm a dog passed away. Don't say that while I'm already smiling. You gotta wait for the smile to come down. I'm in mid smile. Now I'm a jerk. Now we're laughing. I know. Do I get to crack a joke? Just, I get to talk to me after. I think I might have got banned at a club
Starting point is 00:13:56 for something like this. I wanna get back to the dead dog business, but I was talking to my buddy Mike Ronan. How did you make this about you? Go ahead. It's not about me, it's about comedy, and it's about what we're talking about. I could.
Starting point is 00:14:07 When you laugh at bad news. But we were talking to me and my friend Mike Cronin at a club, I'm preferred unnamed. Yeah, Mike Cronin is. Uh, what's the name of me? You know me? I don't know him. I probably do.
Starting point is 00:14:21 You'd love him, you're very similar. Very funny, yeah. I like him. Cincinnati guy, Lipson. I'm going to Cincinnati in a couple weeks. Go ahead. I probably do. You'd love him. You're very similar. Very funny guy. Cincinnati guy, I'm gonna sit in any couple weeks. Go ahead. I just moved to Detroit. Nice upward. I was just there last week.
Starting point is 00:14:30 Let's fuck in the end. But I was hanging out with Mike and the agreement. We're telling all these funny stories that we're laughing. You know when you just laughing, you're catching up. And the owner of the club is there. And then we were talking about a certain venue. And he was like, how was that venue? And I was like, did you hear about the owner? They just hung themselves. And
Starting point is 00:14:50 we had been laughing. And then as I said it, I kind of smiled. And then he smiled. And then we both just started laughing, even though I just told him about somebody hanging themself. And then the owner of the club we were in was like, you guys are fucking sick. And he walked away. And I've never been booked again because we talked about a young person hanging themselves. Was it really there was really an owner of a club that hung themselves in the club? Yeah. And you were laughing about it. We weren't laughing about it, but we had been laughing just like this. We were laughing at a good time, and then someone said, I want you out of this show. Goodbye.
Starting point is 00:15:26 Where did he do it? He did it in the club on stage. No, no, I had his home. You guys read it for you next, Zach. He's just behind the curtain. They pulled in here. Snap.
Starting point is 00:15:35 Yeah, you know how they owner brings up the comics. Some of the clubs you work, they do. Whoa, okay, give me that. I'll take that. Anyways, so this thing still works. I'm sorry to hear about your dog, Mike. Yeah, my well, this is a dog, the dog's name. Everybody had bought in, right?
Starting point is 00:15:53 Yeah, you have a shareholder of that dog. Now, do we get our money shut up and let him, literally, I go, what's your dog's name? He goes, you stepped right on it. Both of you, three of you went, not how we, three times, what's your guess? He's a regular, whatever. His dog's dead. dead I know but we're guests we did it go funny I know I want my money back
Starting point is 00:16:13 That's only that's only fair Michael Michael listen Michael listen Jesus Listen Yeah, with tears in his I'm joking. I'm playing along. Listen, man. You've been playing with pets to play along. Yeah, with tears and this fuck you. I know, I know. I've been dealing with death myself. Did you hear what I tell you my story about?
Starting point is 00:16:32 On stage. No, I was doing a bit where I brought it back to me and the humans that I've lost. But Michael, I was doing a bit too. I thought I got a laugh. I didn't know you were going to fucking get serious on my bit. Sorry. Michael, Jasmine. Jasper.
Starting point is 00:16:46 Jasper. Jasper. Jasper. Jasper. We did a go. I don't mean to laugh. Please don't. It makes it easier. We did a go. Funny for you dog because it had some tumors and stuff like that. It had growth on its eye. Right. Growth on its eye. gross on its eye I'm not paying for himself No He's got eight more lives Listen, no, I'm just gonna catch the dog We have a lot Oh, shit So I don't know if you see the tears in the guy's eyes It's on the lip of his lip
Starting point is 00:17:16 So he's crying, but but listen No, it's fine No, you don't look, I mean listen I like we did it go find me for the dog It came back and then And then you got something happening on this week I mean listen, I like we did it go find me for the dog and it came back and then and then He got something happened to him this week and you bring him and he was fine I remember I talked to you and and then it just happened overnight where he just went and I'm so sorry buddy
Starting point is 00:17:36 Do we have any pictures of Yeah, no, they all know can we do the fancy them? No? Well, they won't like since they won't plug your insta. Go to Mike's Instagram. What's the Instagram at Mike Vs. Horace at Mike Vs. Horace. And he has a little picture of a Jasper. That's up there. What a cool little dog.
Starting point is 00:17:54 You love them, right? Who took care of the dog? Your ex wife. I was here. Yeah, right. How long? How old's the dog? He was 12.
Starting point is 00:18:02 Well, that's long. He was ready. Yeah. And it went, it went smooth. Wow. That's long. He was ready. Yeah. And it went, it went smooth. No, but that's one percent. But it was bad. Yeah. That's what the 88 or something like that dog years 84.
Starting point is 00:18:16 84, 84, 84 good ones. Good, good life. Me. It's not that old. I mean, a fair human. 84. It's a lot longer than some of us will live. First of all, I'm on the whole 30. I don't know if you know that. I do. I do. I know that because
Starting point is 00:18:34 you mentioned it a bunch. I will not be shamed. No, you're not mentioning it. Not great. I won't be sharing. I will keep mentioning it for all the fatties out there that need my help. No, you look great. Thank you. Anyways, back to the dog. Do you, did you, did you, everything, were you there with the dog? Yes. Okay, buddy.
Starting point is 00:18:53 Well, I'm sorry, man. And how long ago was this today or yesterday? Yes, today. Yes, today. And you, did you, was anybody with you when you did it? What, you killed them? No. Michael, Michael. Well, you just said when you did you do it was anybody with you when you did it? Wait, you killed him? No, Michael, Michael, you just said when you did it, what we were like, well, they did it.
Starting point is 00:19:11 I made a mistake, which I often do. Jesus Christ. Imagine if they did, they're like, right, you got to do it. We are not. You said to take a little doggy pillow. He just so puppy pillow. Just put it over his mouth. I'm just, this is terrible.
Starting point is 00:19:27 I'm trying to have a moment here. Is my, when Deva, Calbee got real sick, quick. Does it quack? That's your son? No, my son's max and don't ever fucking say that. What? I'm trying to be clear on the story. A lot of fans don't.
Starting point is 00:19:44 Calbee and Deva were my dogs. Here's the thing, when I'm on a show, I bring in audience that don't normally listen to the show. Yeah, oh yeah, that's what you think. So a lot of people are just kind of here for me. So they don't not be familiar with- Literally, I fucking, the fanbase just jumps when you're on it. Right, no, no, I know, that's what I'm saying,
Starting point is 00:20:01 but that's what I'm saying. That's what people might not be familiar with. I am, well's what I'm saying, but... That's not people, my not be familiar. Well, Calbee went quick. I have actually the joke of America is about Calbee dying in the middle of the night, and I buried him in the backyard. Deva, I was away for. And she woke up one day and just was twisting.
Starting point is 00:20:18 Something happened with her brain, and she just started twisting. And she brought to the vet, and the vet was like, look, it could go away in an hour, or she could be like this for the rest of her life. And she was just, I mean, and she could be twisting forever. Turning like her equals something in a night.
Starting point is 00:20:35 Oh my God. That's what happened. Do you? Just for, was she shouting? He was just twisting. Every time I hear that song, I'm going to take it, my dog just spiraling out of control in the living room with Don Crime.
Starting point is 00:20:47 Good for you, Joe. There you go. Yeah, he was pacing at the same time. She. She. No. I don't know, but Don called me and she had to do it. The vet was like, look, I'm not gonna tell you what to do,
Starting point is 00:20:59 but if you did put the dog down, it would be okay. She had to punch the dog to death. No, she did not have to do that. She just kept throwing a ball into a wall. The dog twisted and twisted off the stairs. No, she had to put the diva down. It was sick, because that's my dog. Calbee was kind of Dawn's dog.
Starting point is 00:21:16 Deva was my dog and I loved Deva so much and I wasn't home for it. And I killed my wife to do it. I just wish I was there to do it, to be with the dog and let her into my wife didn't have to deal with it. It was sad, man, it kills you. That's the one, I think that's the CK joke. You get it, it's gonna happen. You get a dog and it's got, you know,
Starting point is 00:21:38 everything's all the stuff you love right now is going away. Yeah, impermanence. Yep, hopefully you all first though, right? Isn't that the wish you want to be gone first before your kids? Yeah. But your parents and your podcast hosts, they're going to go away before you. Yeah. Yo, just someone to get more famous and just have to not do it any. Yeah. I think you've been out of time after your dog. Yeah, that's before your dog. I would like to go before my wife though. I'd like her to have to carry the burden of loss. More than me. Yeah, I want to die before my wife
Starting point is 00:22:10 because everyone's going to try to fuck her. I don't want to be a fucking my wife. Who's going to try to fuck Sarah in her 60s? Well, what if I die soon? Well, if he dies soon, yeah, we'll love her. Very sad. She's from a tooth related illness. I just got a follow up to a root canal yesterday.
Starting point is 00:22:25 It was a real bummer. My tongue's all cut up. Dude, the guy from... If this was the 1800s, he'd be dead. The guy from a city steam in Hartford gave me like a 40 minute speech about how root canals are a pure government conspiracy to kill people. Well, I've talked about four of them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:41 I thought of you immediately. I was like, I should probably not pass this information on to Joe, but no, no, you are. Anti-Rook canal. But, uh, why do you need them? Well, it's supposedly to save the two's because it keeps your tooth in there, but they can go back. I don't really know. They tell me I need a Rook canal. I'm an old school. I trust the doctor kind of guy. Me too. They go, you need a Rook canal. I go, all right, give me a Rook canal. I'm not that guy anymore after my near my knee surgery When that tourgast shit the first one I got the guy did an operation on my knee that they did on women shoulders eight years before Rooking I was looking for different abscesses within the tooth. Yeah, and I was literally in the middle of my fucking tourism story and you held your little chubby finger up
Starting point is 00:23:26 and stopped it. To say that? Finishing that. Stop. Okay, well, so you got a lady surgery. Well, I got, and then he didn't do anything. It doesn't know anything.
Starting point is 00:23:39 They stopped doing it eight years before because it didn't work on men's ACLs. So I thought I had a great ACL, I had no ACL. I stepped off a curb and it snapped again. Like I re-engineered it. And then I finally went to the best doctor. So after that, I was like, fuck that, doctors are, not all doctors are good.
Starting point is 00:23:58 That's true. Not all doctors, not all dentists. I went to a dentist in white planes when I was trying to find my dentist who I have now who I love. He kept talking to me, like telling me about the, yeah, this guy has crappy insurance.
Starting point is 00:24:13 I'll make him wait, you got good insurance. That's great. You come in. He's just like, you know, these people don't pay. Literally talking to me the whole time about my insurance. And then what to help,
Starting point is 00:24:21 and everybody put, help me was, this all this guy cares about as your insurance Wow, if you have great insurance, he'll take you in and treat you right if you don't He'll actually fuck up like who gives a shit won't give you a good cleaning or I had some needle dick in the upper East side telling me about how he did comedy He was like yeah, I just did my first set He was like it was like kind of the funniest doctor type of thing and you know, I had two martinis
Starting point is 00:24:42 It's easy you just talk about your mom. Like that. I was like digging out my gums. And I was like, oh, this is cool. I was, oh, never went bad. Yeah. I think there's some healthcare problems in the United States. That's what I think.
Starting point is 00:24:55 I also didn't anticipate how flippant kid doctors can be. Like you bring them in with just any concern or whatever. And they're like, yeah, just do this. And you're like, okay, but what about that? And they're like, they can't be bothered with follow up. They're like, I have other people that are grown to see if they're paying me for their own services. Yeah, I had that with Max's circumcision.
Starting point is 00:25:15 Oh, mad circle. Well, no, he didn't, but I didn't understand. I was a big thing to give you. Do you or doubt you? It's fucked up, man. I was totally pro. And then you look at it and you're like, oh, that's a real wound't you? It's fucked up, man. I was totally pro and then you look at it and you're like, oh, that's a real wound.
Starting point is 00:25:27 Yeah, it's like, all right. And I just, they kind of just did it. Like, I was in there and they came in there and I wanted to take them. And my wife's kind of out of it and like, okay, great. And they, you know, being bang. But when it came back, like the top of his penis was a little blue.
Starting point is 00:25:43 Like it was two, I was like, this looks a little tight. Did you, like what is, why is it? She's like, no, that's, you know, you're fine. Like it's fine. I'm like, yeah, but explain to me what the fuck that is. You know, like don't just say he's fine. And she made me feel like I wanted the perfect cock for my son, which I do.
Starting point is 00:26:01 Of course he did. Why would I want a fucking, on a model cock? A fucking, you know, the thing on the bottom of a turkey hanging off my kids cock, a clip cock. Why do I want that? Yeah. I don't want to lay me a flop enough my kids, because you didn't do a circums.
Starting point is 00:26:17 Colin had to have a circums Didn't done again. Oh my god. And his teens. Wow. Cause they fucked up. Yeah, I heard this. I just heard. Well, they were doing it with wooden knives back then. So.
Starting point is 00:26:26 I just heard someone talking about all this. That there's like 190 kids a year die from this in America and lose their talks. Yeah, but people, I got attacked for doing it on the internet. They're like, you shoot whatever, you know, fucking malled your kid or whatever the fuck they can. Mutilated, yeah. Mutilated. I've been chunking on my whole thing from it. It's like, listen, I didn't fucking malled your kid or whatever the fuck they mutilated. Yeah, mutilated. I have a big chunk on my whole thing from it.
Starting point is 00:26:47 It's like, listen, I didn't fucking mutilate my kid. The doctor's dead. Yes. I didn't do that. I chose to have a mutilate. Yeah. What are you gonna? I mean, every chick that goes down on them later in life is going to taste soup dumplings. No. All right. My kids got a nice packer right now. I give them a shot. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was circumcised. I don't remember. I have no memory of it, my memory.
Starting point is 00:27:08 Well, when people are talking about it as if you can avoid trauma, they're like, you're traumatizing your child and you're like, life is trauma. He's gonna be traumatized at some fucking point. He's got the thing that everybody's trying to do is so kids don't go through anything. Yes.
Starting point is 00:27:20 So they don't experience anything at all. Yeah, nerf world. It's ridiculous. Also, and but, you know, I was totally pro circumcision. The biggest point is because I don't have an uncircumcised dick, so I don't know how to properly clean it. I have no interest in researching it, and then, you know, acting that out on my kid's dick. So I wanted us to have the same dick,
Starting point is 00:27:39 so I could answer any questions he had. You want the same dick? Yeah, you want the same dick as you kid. You don't get a kid looking at your dick and going, why don't I have, why don't I have a dick like you dad? Why is my dick weird looking and have fucking, looks like an elephant trunk? I will say dressing the wound like right afterwards
Starting point is 00:27:56 is like it's a fucked up experience. Like having to soft serve the Vaseline on the tip of his dick and then putting a gaw and then the diaper. It's like, it's way more traumatizing to me than... But it's also too, is like, if I feel like if you're gonna attack me, you should've gave me the information first. You know I was having a kid, you know I was having a boy.
Starting point is 00:28:16 I told everybody, and then you just wait if you're me to make the decision and then go, you fucking... Also mind your fucking business. Yeah. That's it man. But that's the thing, a lot of people did give me information on that. And you know, you fucking, also mind your fucking business. Yeah. That's it, man. But that's a thing. A lot of people did give me information on that.
Starting point is 00:28:27 And, you know, I mean, I had hosted a conspiracy podcast so that guy was sending me anti-vax literature. You know, literature that has since been completely debunked by both the doctor and several other doctors. And I was having smallpox take over the fucking world. No, the doctor that even came up with the thing said he made it up. Like, it's an asshole.
Starting point is 00:28:44 It's a joke. Yeah, but that's like the thing said he made it up. Like, it's an asshole. It's a joke. But that's like the terrible tools was bullshit. Right. The people just fucking, they'd wait for the terrible, people would literally say, wait, and then you find out the guy was bullshit. It's the country three. Around three turned into a fucking twat.
Starting point is 00:28:58 23s. I would hope just have a girl, because women have an easier from beginning to end. Oh, all right. Fucking Elizabeth Warren. What are you, Janis? I, uh, to end. All right. Fucking Elizabeth Warren. What are you? Yannis? I, uh, wait, that's the opposite of Elizabeth Warren.
Starting point is 00:29:08 No, not really. Is she fucking Yannis's tweet the other day? No. You see what he said about the fucking... Yannis floods my timeline. So sometimes I kind of skate through. He really does. I love Yannis.
Starting point is 00:29:19 He's very smart. He put a tweet up there that said, uh, there was a male comic that hired a female comic, a hundred dollars to be on the road with them. And that's, you know, what do you should be ashamed of yourself? First of all, don't make it about gender, fuckface. It's not, you're a theater comic. It may not gender because they stayed in the same room. I think that was the sticking point to that.
Starting point is 00:29:40 Yeah, but say no. Right. Say no. With a theater. I mean, you know, I, No, no, you can't. I blow you to be on the creeps with kids. Would you?
Starting point is 00:29:49 I would. Wow. There we go. Where if I can get in? I'll manscape you. You gotta come up to, we're gonna smoke a cigar in my shed. Done.
Starting point is 00:29:56 How many comedians? We're gonna do a one-on-one podcast, and then you're gonna suck my peckah. Yeah, I have a good butt too. You could plow through whatever you wanna do, but. I, I know. Yeah, yeah. I don't wanna put my penis in your buttow through whatever you wanna do, but. I know. Yeah, yeah. I don't wanna put my penis in your butt,
Starting point is 00:30:07 but I will take a little bit of it. I'll clean it. No, no, I just don't wanna eat it. I mean, eat it, wait a minute, what's going on? That I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy because there is a briar patch of Irish hair right outside of my partner. It's all that gray fucking thing that I think of.
Starting point is 00:30:21 It's also gray. No, I don't have gray pubes, not a single one. I think your pubes turn see through as you get older. I used to have a ton of pubes. Now I don't have any. I have two little fucking two little two little bushes on the side of my pack. Weird. Your hair looks like Zach Amiko's my walk. My dick looks like Zac Amiko's mohawk. Yeah. Yeah. My dick looks like Zac Amiko. This is crazy dick. Yeah, it's a fucking, it's a weird thing to do that to your kid, but whatever dude,
Starting point is 00:30:58 it's beneficial for the long run. I got my kid, I did what I was what scientists and doctors and experts said is the right thing to do. I'm sorry, I can't fucking trust somebody I don't know who has a not even a college degree. Yeah, and there's emails like. Yeah, like a con-punch at gmail.com. It's like nobody, why would I take medical advice from you?
Starting point is 00:31:21 Yeah, I get it. And also, I didn't even do it for medical reasons. I did it for pure aesthetics. He's one that's a better looking dick. Yeah. You know, the whole fucking, like, just the, yeah, the, it's gross. It's funny, because my kids go and do the thing where he's like,
Starting point is 00:31:35 I just started peeing, they just walked in and peed on like the seat and it bounced off into, I'm like, the water, he just started laughing and he just pushed it down to the water. You gotta tell him to swish, not bank shot. Yeah, yeah. Dude, get in the water. He just looked, started laughing and he goes, I can't. It's sticking straight out.
Starting point is 00:31:52 Oh my God, that's another conversation. Blood goes to your penis. And then I had to teach him how to clean up his piss. I wouldn't even do that. My fucking greatest thing in the middle of that one, I had a don't go. You fucking asshole. This would just sat in my dribbles. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:07 This is a tale as old as time argument, but I'm wondering if you guys have it with your wife, is that I lift the seat to pee, which I think is a pretty chivalrous thing to do. But then sometimes I forget to bring it down. And it's like, and I get yelled at for it. She's like, what the fuck? Why don't you put it down?
Starting point is 00:32:21 And it's like, well, I did half the job. So why don't you also do your half and then put it down for how you have to piss? Yeah. Isn't that reasonable? I put the bowl and lid back down because I got like an OCD. I like the poo particles on your toothbrush and stuff.
Starting point is 00:32:35 Well, not that. It's not even germs, it's just aesthetics. It's kind of like your son's cock. It's just one looks better. It looks ghetto to have the fucking lid up. I close it down and. I just got a new bidet with a blue light in the toilet all the time.
Starting point is 00:32:50 So now at night, what I go to be? Now your shit looks great. You can see, oh, it looks great. I love this blue light. Round and blue. So it looks like a future toilet bill. But I always, I pick the seat up, the, I don't pick the seat up.
Starting point is 00:33:04 I piss, but I do put the lid down. I pick the seat up, I don't pick the seat up. I piss, but I do put the lid down. I pick the lid up. Gotcha. And I'll put the lid down when I'm done, but I pee and then I wipe the seat. I don't pick the fucking hole. Cause you're not supposed to, you're not supposed to pick the lid up.
Starting point is 00:33:17 Just pee in the hole and wipe up whatever you fucking do. Yeah. You're not supposed to pick the lid up. I just don't still wipe it down. Are you weirdo? Yeah, you can not supposed to pick the lit up. I just don't wipe it down either. You're weirdo Yeah, you can wipe it down with a baby wipe. You'd rather wipe Than lift I try not to get any on the seat If I do I just a couple dribbles, but you're old. Yeah, you're dick dribble
Starting point is 00:33:36 But that is funnier to have a wet seat for your wife to slip off of the If you leave the seat up they go in because their bombs don't fit. So they go into the toilet and they get their bomb wet in the toilet water. They're a little koochoo. Oh, and it's so different because it sucks it up like sponge. Yeah, and then you get to lick that toilet water off the pussy. Joe, what are you doing? What? It's like a vaginal broth.
Starting point is 00:34:00 That's hot. Yeah, vaginal broth. That's fucking gross. That's a good album name. Vaginal broth. That's hot. Yeah. Vaginal broth. That's fucking gross. That's a good album name. Vaginal broth. Yeah. Robert Kelly, Vaginal broth. And does every vagina taste the same to you guys?
Starting point is 00:34:14 No way. I've tasted candy vaginas, garbage, twats. What's a candy vagina? It's kind of sweet. Really? Yeah, like I'm like, ooh. Oh. I'm tasty, yeah. But yeah, most, they're similar. They're similar.
Starting point is 00:34:28 They're all a little bit gymsaki. Yeah. Some are snotty earthen others. Oh, yeah. Some are like a mucousy. Yes, a lot of mucous. Now, but they also smell has a lot to do with taste. So if they have kind of a septic odor to it,
Starting point is 00:34:44 it could really affect your taste buds. But I stopped eating pussy when Michael Douglas did wall street. Wall street two. You could get cancer there. So you got to be careful. You don't want to eat too much pussy. Yeah, I mean, I think guys go a little crazy. They just get in there with it. You just want to lick the... I have just the clip. Why? Because I don't last long.
Starting point is 00:35:05 I come pretty quick. So I have to make sure that she has a good time. Yeah, it's really crazy. I've been having sex with my wife since we were 15 and I still just pop off real quick. Oh, wow. I got a stick of fucking shoehorn in my ass. So I got a...
Starting point is 00:35:17 She's got to call me a faggot. I got to wear eyeliner. It's like a whole situation. Yeah. And even then it's tough. Yeah, I literally got a blow. I got a truck stop. And even then it's tough. Yeah, I literally got a blow, I got a truck stop. Stop and then run home.
Starting point is 00:35:28 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I, Gabby, let me ask you a question. Can I ask you a question about vagina? Sure. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You really don't want a guy going, like, licking in it. You, I mean, just on the clip, right? What do you mean licking in it that,
Starting point is 00:35:48 like, okay, tongue doesn't go in the puts. Like, no, no. You don't want a guy opening it up and licking all of it. You want just the top, right? Like, just the clip. It depends on your skill level. What? Yeah, that sounds good.
Starting point is 00:35:59 What are you talking about? It depends on your skill level. Well, tell me the skill level. So if I know where I'm at. Okay, well, you could just lick the top of it it and that's fine. The clitoris. Sure. All right. Bob, most of you know, Gabby for a few minutes. Let's see. Let's test the skill level. What? Are you slow with that? You're saying no. All right. You're saying no. Gabby's saying no. I'm saying no.
Starting point is 00:36:18 Oh, you know, you don't travel down, do a, do a lap around the hole and then go to the butt and then back up. Well, no, I'm not saying. There's a journey, it's a journey. I, all right, look, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've done it. I've done everything to it, but I'm wondering, it like for a guy, I believe there's a generic way to suck a dick. You don't want any teeth. Do you want to go up and down? You want to make it like a vagina.
Starting point is 00:36:46 Yeah. Okay. You don't want to just lick the head. You don't want to, you know, there's a certain thing. I was a part of the side lick that has since been popular. Oh, the sides are dead. But I like a mouth around and then a swirl. Oh, that's good. I actually like the side lick because it makes me hungry like a hot dog. Like she's buttering. Yeah, just like a Nathan's. I actually like where I like because it makes me hungry. Like a hot dog. I guess like she's buttering more. Yeah, just like a Nathan's. I think the vagina, the vagina and penis are similar. There's a lot of parts that aren't really hooked up. Like women think they look in the base of the dick,
Starting point is 00:37:14 the balls, the fucking groin, or the tip of the, someone will lick the, the dick hole. Yeah. You gotta just get that one area that's like a clip. That is good. The best for me personally, is when they go all the way down and then just kind of choke themselves for a few seconds.
Starting point is 00:37:30 And just stay there for a while. That's how you kill a mic, though. Yeah, well you hate women, obviously. As a feminist, I like when they swallow the common spit at my mouth, because I love feminism. And then they fuck me in the ass and make me wear the shoes. Yeah, because you're a clown too. What?
Starting point is 00:37:51 Make me wear the shoes. I'm sad too much. But I think like, in my experience with vagina, if I really want to make a girl come, I will get on that clitoris and I will flick it. And I will put a finger in her vagina like a penis. Because I believe they want to feel the, like a penis is in them because inside, you know, you kind of get in there.
Starting point is 00:38:21 And then you're on the clitoris, little flicker where you keep it wet and it's just, that's where I find you wanna be. Do you do pinky around the bottom? No, I don't do pinky. Oh, dude, it's like a triple stimulant. No, because what if I take a photo later that little stinky pinky stick?
Starting point is 00:38:36 But sometimes they get over, sometimes it's too much. Yeah, sometimes it's too much. What are you talking about? I can't feel in too many places at once. This is what I wanna hear. Sometimes you focus in on the clip and that's fine. That's it. And then some other people is just a whole party.
Starting point is 00:38:48 What? It depends on skill levels, what I'm saying. If you're good at the whole party, then I say go for the whole party. If you're the only one who focus in, it depends on the person. But you like the whole party. What is your favorite? Now, Gabby's meeting potatoes. What's that mean?
Starting point is 00:39:02 That means you're basic. You just make a nice clit stem. She's a jersey. You're not like a fucking... She likes a blue collar sock. I don't think she's with like, you know, clothing pins on your nipples and a fist of your ass and a foot lick and... That's gonna be small clothing pins.
Starting point is 00:39:17 That's what they call clothing pins. They are now weird. We got the woodloaf pins, right? Close pins. Yeah, that's it. Listen. Listening. So what is your favorite? I like it simple. I like it. You like simple. Yeah. Yeah. Backie. What are you like? Simple. You like you want to be punched and lit on fire and have your hair dyed nine colors? What is it? You want it all? Yeah. I didn't want to name names,
Starting point is 00:39:44 but now that you're saying it, I was like, Becky's more of a, give me a more like real things. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, just the hair alone, you can see. Her husband's name is Angel, and I feel like that says a lot.
Starting point is 00:39:55 You, so wait a minute, talk to me. By the way, your staff has never reacted quicker than when you asked to get Becky in like, to talk about this. Yeah, yeah, please. So you, Becky, you like it all, you like danger down there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:09 Like, what does that mean? This get on it? But I know what Gabby's talking about though. Sometimes it can be too much. You have to be careful with, like you can give more stimulation in other areas, but then you gotta pull back, go gentle again, because it's like building a fire
Starting point is 00:40:25 kind of. Yeah, you're a conductor. You're like kind of bringing up the winds and then. You have to start with like some kindling and light a little fire to a medium fire to a big fire. Yeah, it sounds like you've got the kindling part down. You're all kind of, now with someone, someone, someone with herpes, I know how to give fire to a woman. I can give a nice long burning and ever long.
Starting point is 00:40:51 You know, you're dick is a derro plan. So wait a minute, so you're saying the clitoris is the kindling. Oh, yeah. And then the fire is the vagina. Is the fingers and stuff. The head on the woman, but I would say a little bit of both. So you like a guy,
Starting point is 00:41:11 I mean, if a guy's looking around your vagina, the actual whole thing, that's good. Not usually. That doesn't make you feel weird. It does feel weird. Yeah. So what do you, you want, so there's not too much you can do.
Starting point is 00:41:24 I mean, there's the clitoris hang on Fuck it and student of the year There's fingers in the vagina and then there's licking the clitoris. Yeah, that's it. What then does the asshole? That's the cousin. Yeah, yeah, but also like breaks in between to like snacks have like Sometimes direct cheesets direct, she's it's direct, literal stimulation can become too much, right? You kind of have to then come off of it and then go back on and come on it.
Starting point is 00:41:52 The more you, the more you eat that off. The more great you're a feminist. Definitely the more breaks you take and the longer you like do that for the better. I feel like you guys just conning us to do this for hours. Well, I feel like you're lying to us. How do you guys feel about eat you out for a while?
Starting point is 00:42:09 Get that tongue right in the hole. Then come up for a little make out because that's something that really turns me on. Are you guys offended by that? Is that something? That's fine. That's great. So you also, if it tastes bad, it's your fault. Yeah, but that's a little,
Starting point is 00:42:21 I like a little taste yourself. You fucking filthy cunt, you know. Oh, no. Yo a little, I like a little taste yourself. You fucking filthy con, you know, what? What? I know, but I'm saying that that's how I want to be treated. So you want to know, is about treating women the way you want to be treated. So I come on their face and stick my finger in their ass. That's what I would like. So you want to eat the vagina and then come up and have taste turtle soup. Yeah, a little bit, a little make out. And then I'll, all right, I'll be back and then I go back down there and finish the job. Do you actually tongue kiss after you've finished
Starting point is 00:42:49 in a mouth? What do you mean? Like do you accept an open mouth kiss, fresh off a load? No, I'm not, that's not my say. Here's that in my head, if I'm being honest now, that sounds sexy because it's filthy, but once you come, you know, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all, that's right. I'm back to being a normal human.
Starting point is 00:43:10 During sex, I'm like, you know, it's fucking spit in my fucking mouth and, ah! Fuck all my friends, you fucking whore, you fucking whore. But once you come, you're like, all right, let's go watch that, hold on, that's my dogs. Yeah, why would you fuck everybody? So the idea of someone, be nutting in someone's mouth and then making out is appalling. And less, and less, we're in the middle of fooling around,
Starting point is 00:43:34 then I would say that. Is that a weird thing when you're in the moment in the heat of passion, you will do some fuck, you want it all. And as soon as that comes out of your penis, you're just like, what the fuck was that? No, I apologize immediately. I'm like, I'm so sorry.
Starting point is 00:43:53 I don't know who I was back there. I didn't mean to... I didn't mean to try to finger fuck your mom with you as easily. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, yeah, you sister. And then you come and you're like, I don't even know.
Starting point is 00:44:03 I don't even have a sister. Ha ha ha ha. You know, that's weird, right? What is that? You wonder what that is. you're a sister. And then you come and you're like, I don't even know. I don't even have a sister. That's weird, right? What is that? You wonder what that is? Why you immediately feel, you immediately go back into a box right when you have an organ. But that's what I think most fist fights. Which one is the real one? Are you, are you the guy right now? Or are you the guy? Neither. We're not here. I think both are extreme versions of yourself. You got full load, you, which is,
Starting point is 00:44:32 we'll do anything to procreate that's basically your instinct. Then you have empty bag where you're like, oh, I could do charity right now. I'm the best version of myself. Yeah, you're somewhere in between. You sure? That's what all these fist fights and vandalism is. It's people not able to blow their fucking loads.
Starting point is 00:44:49 I was a drunk vandal. It's because I wasn't getting laid. So I'd be like, these, oh, fucking, I don't know, I fucking, break things and smash things. If I had just blown a hot load on something. So you don't think they're getting sober? How did I do with that?
Starting point is 00:45:01 Well, obviously. Just you jizzing. Obviously. You should go to AA and talk to them. You were a drunk in cell. You were, well, obviously, I mean, I got with that? Well, obviously, just you jizzing. Obviously, you should go to the AA and talk to them. You were a drunk in cell. You were, well, obviously, I mean, I got laid a little bit, but obviously there's more factors. I mean, this is not war is not just from not coming.
Starting point is 00:45:15 I think that's kind of, but there's something to it. I mean, war is women's fault for not blowing us enough is what I'm saying I Love blow jobs and I wish I got more blow jobs I but I feel bad when my wife blows me What I don't know you do I seriously I Just feel like I'm putting I'm making her do more work around the house You know, I mean, it's like she made dinner, she cleaned up, she vacuumed,
Starting point is 00:45:46 she got maxed up to school, and now you have to suck my mediocre packer. Well, this is the problem. And I'm just like, I'm not even acknowledging her, like I'm just sitting there locking my legs and flexing your neck. And she has to go get me a fucking towel. It's more clean up.
Starting point is 00:46:02 And then what, what does she get? Does she like giving head? And that makes me mad too, because when she does like it, I'm like, would you learn that, you're fucking sweet. That's the worst is when they bring something new to the table and you're like, who brought that out of you?
Starting point is 00:46:14 Who inspired you? Because that's not me. I tell you, I have my iPad, and one day I went and bought this book. I was gonna read, and I go to my iPad account and it's fucking all these lust for love. Two lovers lust in the night. It's like 900 books about just dirty, awful fucking that my wife's been reading.
Starting point is 00:46:36 And I'm like, you haven't fucking done it. You go to as soon as I hit the bad you, you're on real through dot com. Looking for a better life. And I'm watching psych on fucking Amazon prime. Yeah. Let me choke you. Let me do some of this vampire shit. Do you think, do you think if you go through the whole 30 and you become the version of yourself that you'd physically want to be, do you think that's going to ramp up the sexual activity in your house? Hell yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:01 Yeah, it's not her or fuck her. I'm gonna fuck other chicks. Because she didn't stick by you. I'm gonna fuck her and hook up a Becky, this fucking dirty. What do you like again? I, this is what I've learned. She's got my fucking dream trailer. Think you've lived as far for a weekend. God.
Starting point is 00:47:17 This with women, they pretend like your body doesn't matter. I love you and I'm attracted to you and you're cute. And then I changed my diet and started working out and got a little ripped up. And it's revealed. They want a guy with a fucking great body. Well, my wife has revealed to me what she wants a few times.
Starting point is 00:47:38 And I know what she wants. She wants a guy. A life expectancy. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I even made me snort. a life expectancy. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:47:46 Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:47:54 Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:02 Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay wants, she let me know. She likes a guy who when her gas tank is empty fills it. Who when there's something to be done, you fucking do it. When there's a noise in the middle of the night, you go fuck. She wants, I know she'd want a motorcycle guy again when she met me. I had a motorcycle and she likes, if I got a sleeve, I think she'd be all right with that.
Starting point is 00:48:23 If I got more tattoos and became like in shape again, not too in shape, but that that tattooed middle-aged fucking, that's what she would like. Like the guy from American History X. That guy. Have you seen him? The big fat guy. He's like fucking, sons andarchy. Is he in that? No, those show sons andarchy.
Starting point is 00:48:43 But this one of those guys, this guy was of those guys like I was way bigger than you like way bigger than yeah And now he is like a full I know he's almost linebacker. No, no, no, no type. Well look she's had you know what I mean? But I know that she wants it she want if I got another motorcycle and I got some tats and shit like that She would look like she really when I get up and I like the It's just all Nazi pictures. What is that? He's also from Boy Meets World, if you'd like your cousin. He was in Friday Night Lights, too, for God's sakes.
Starting point is 00:49:13 The movie? Yeah. That was in my TV show. But she likes it, like I fixed the toilet the other day. And I think we moved on, Mike, we get it. Everybody staring at your fucking TV instead of me. That's like love language her love languages acts of service Which she when I when I fixed the toilet the other day something happened it couldn't be fixed
Starting point is 00:49:32 But I did it and I went to the store and I talked to these plumbers and I came back and I fixed she loves that She loves when I build shit from Mac. She loves when I go on the back out I got to go do this thing. She's like, she loves that. I know she likes that type of guy. You know, like a man's man. Sure. She hates when I'm, I tell you, I threw up one night, I was sick and I was throwing up and she don't,
Starting point is 00:49:56 you know, I was like, what do you, I was like, she's like, you all right? I'm like, I don't know. And I'm like, what'd you come over here and fuck and rub my back? She's like, what? Yeah. Cause my grandmother would come and rub my back? She's like, what? Yeah. Because my grandmother would come and rub my back.
Starting point is 00:50:07 You know what I mean? My grandmother would come, you all right? And stay there with me. My wife was like, just, you're fine. Throw up. Here's some fucking lavender on a bandana. Get back a bed. You have to get up in the morning, you fucking.
Starting point is 00:50:20 She doesn't like that. She doesn't like weak men. I don't think any woman, I had food poisoning on New Year's Eve and my wife was just like this is unattractive like you just seizing on the floor and whimpering. Yeah. I mean, some of those women don't like it, but some women have to put up with it. You know, I'm taking mixed martial arts, bro, but she's also turned on. I've been taking mixed grill. But she's also turned on. I've been taking mixed grill. Oh, it's right here.
Starting point is 00:50:47 Perfect. I just wanted it here. That's the thing. Yes, it's mixed reviews. No shit. My wife and I used to play basketball in high school and stuff like that. And she would come to my games and that's like when we really would get down. She watched the game, pressed by what I was doing.
Starting point is 00:51:03 Yeah. And physically showing off a little bit that that would lead to a lot of sex. Yeah, me and my wife were at a Honda shadow, and I had saddlebags on it, and tassels, and I had a highway. Tassels? Oh, look at a little tiny Harley, and we used to go for rides. I'm going to pick her up, she'd jump on the back. We'd go for rides. I mean, her, you could feel, you just hear her pussy squeaking on the seat. Yeah. She was just moist the whole time. Take it to an Applebee. She was fucking so impressed. I doubt she'd like you to have a motorcycle now though, right? Like she likes the idea of it, but your father, that would probably
Starting point is 00:51:41 override the attraction. I don't know, I think she would mind a motorcycle. Yeah, and then she would want Max to, you know, you know, look man, things are dangerous, you know what I mean? Yeah, she doesn't mind, you know. Here's what sucks for me is I married a comedian. So like, one of the things I have, you just stop right there. That has like, sex appeal is comedy.
Starting point is 00:52:00 Yeah. I'm up there and I'm demanding and fucking, yeah, I'm killing. Yeah, I'm like, yeah yeah, you fucking that's hot Yeah, and then your wife goes into the same thing. I want to say care I'm right like a Paul bite. Yeah, she's like as she's still like the number one thing I have is neutral Yeah, my wife yeah exactly like I killed you see it. She's like no, I'm upstairs writing reading Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fucking care yeah. Yeah, that I would never in a million years did a chick with a head shot.
Starting point is 00:52:27 No, no, I just can't, I just, I need the opposite of my world when I come home. Yeah, I fucking love my wife. Very creative, very talented, made her own neck, jewelry, that is the opposite. Made her own fucking jewelry, you know, she's, we did the shater having a neck in the office.
Starting point is 00:52:47 No, I can't do that. No, he's a talent and creditor. I don't like to get fucking, I don't like that you created a fat joke for a joke. Yeah. Like you're a fat joke factory. He fucking asshole. But she doesn't want anything to do with this ship business.
Starting point is 00:53:03 Yeah, yeah. But I think it's a, so my wife doesn't do comedy. Obviously she's not in show business whatsoever. But I think our relationship improved once she found her comedy. Because she now is, so she's a business owner. She owns a floral design company. And so she, and she's a fashion designer that has transitioned into this job.
Starting point is 00:53:22 They do huge art installations of flowers. And she's like really passionate and super fulfilled by it. And that has made our relationship so much better because I think she understands. Yeah, I mean, you know, you just challenged by a strong woman and my wife is the strongest woman I've ever fucking met. I just don't want to be married to somebody
Starting point is 00:53:42 who does the same fucking thing as me. Oh, yeah. And you would have she, you're just scared she might become more successful. No, I'm not. I think it has nothing to do with it. I would love for my wife to become more successful. You know, I would enjoy staying home. My kid goes to school. I jump on Oculus Quest for three hours and then pick him up and we have chicken nuggets. Yes. How does Rich feel about it? You know, it must be fucking hard because Bonnie, but he's such a fan of Bonnie. Yeah. I mean, he, he has to be here because she leaves.
Starting point is 00:54:13 He's fucking done. He's in a studio in fucking Jersey City. He, he, he noodles a noodles in the food. He took home from the gig that weekend. He'll have to sell his rings. He's so funny that guy. He'll have to sell his rings. He's so funny that guy. He's the best. We were, we were, he fucking, oh my God,
Starting point is 00:54:29 we did creeps of kids in Detroit this weekend. It was great. He, he went to a buffet in the afternoon with Florentine. He took home fried chicken from it. All you can eat buffet. It's like, that's, they don't like you doing that. Yeah, you're allowed or did you like this? He lined his pockets with Ziploc.
Starting point is 00:54:44 He just takes it. And then he was, he had in his room and then we go to the gig we had, we have this, Deb does this massive buffet in the, in the green room with all healthy food, all great, awesome food. And he, there's a whole chicken. And I look and I'm, it's like,
Starting point is 00:55:01 he stuck his fingers in the chicken and just pulled the honk and meet off I go what the fuck you know these are my tongs. I'm like what? This fucking tongs right there You're fucking savage He was just eat the other side of the chicken. I'm like that's not the point Then we're in the elevator later in the hotel with little they're leaving in three hours We were in the elevator later in the hotel, they're leaving in three hours.
Starting point is 00:55:24 He took a sandwich. He has a fucking rap stuck in the inside pocket of his $800 Italian leather jacket. There's a fucking rap and he has a bag of chips and then he goes, do you have any of those bars? I haven't got Lara bars. He goes, did you take the bars with you? I was like, yeah, you know, can I get one?
Starting point is 00:55:42 I'm like, yo, I don't like you. I don't like you. I would love to yeah, you know, can I get one? I'm like, yo, I don't like you. I don't like you. I would love to read. I know, oh, you just made a lot of money. What the fuck, oh, buy a bar? Fuckin' you have fried chicken in your room, a sandwich, a bag of chips, and a Lara bar? You're leaving in three hours.
Starting point is 00:56:01 I told you one time, we went to the Rio up there of the steakhouse at the top. We got a seafood tower. There was a crab leg this big, like it was just ridiculous. We couldn't even eat it all. He took it to go, ate it in the lounge of fucking of United. Went to the lounge next day in the upper, but he's leaving the next day. In the lounge, he took a picture of a fucking crab leg he went through security with.
Starting point is 00:56:29 That's crazy. Who goes through security with a crab leg? No one. And then he's sitting in the lounge. You know what I mean? People were mad like, they have crab legs? No, they have hummus and fucking crackers. This fucking cock sucker brought his own crab leg.
Starting point is 00:56:42 I hate him, but I love him. What time for a read? My story just fucking dragged everything down. Plus Joe disconnected when you're not talking about something he likes. How do you know I don't like Rich? I know, I just claim up because you just want to attack him. Hey, breaking news, check this out.
Starting point is 00:57:02 PSA, this PSA is brought to you by manscape.com. This is your public service announcement. Mike, do you know about this company after more than 18 months of research and development, the manscape engineering team has confirmed that they have successfully created the greatest ball hair trimmer ever created. Yeah, I've used it.
Starting point is 00:57:24 It's amazing. Christmas gift. Also, I've used it. It's amazing. Christmas gift. Also, protectors for the old butthole. Yes. Yeah. You can get your butthole. It's been good. This new trimmer was just released only a month, a moment ago, and we are the first ones
Starting point is 00:57:37 to confirm it's new improved lawn mower. 3.0 man-scaping trimmer is now available for purchase. It came in the mail, I swear to God, I got so excited. Can I give them an idea? Yeah, for what they should develop. So they have, they should get a extension mirror that shows your asshole as you're shaving. I love it.
Starting point is 00:58:00 You know what I mean? You look down, it bounces off the mirror and you go like that. Yeah, that's a good one. The fifth generation man's game trimmer. They also just go by a mirror. You fuck idiot. What about you? What about CLE from the color purple?
Starting point is 00:58:14 I can't. How about a camera built in plays on your phone? Yeah, that's disgusting. That's disgusting. I'll throw up if I see. If I see a close up of my asshole being trimmed and the roots being cut, I'll find that pain. Nobody wants that.
Starting point is 00:58:29 Then your phone looks like a Furby. This generation of man-scape trim of features of cutting edge ceramic blade to prevent man-scaping accidents. Millions of balls are about to be nicked free. Nick free thanks to man-scape. It's the front thing isn't metal, it's ceramic now. It's white, it's fucking awesome.
Starting point is 00:58:48 I love it. Advanced skin safe technology they have created so your nuts are finally safe from being nicked and bleeding into your underwear. And then it's how do you explain that to your wife? Why is it blood in your underwear? Well, I ask you the same question, young lady. I have used Lambo 2.0.
Starting point is 00:59:08 It's an easy transition because it's the same replacement blade with a new and improved skin safe technology. When I tell you this is the premium, I mean it's premium. The battery will last up to 90 minutes. That means Mike, you could literally trim your body. Yeah. Yeah, because you would take 90 minutes to do that. I've used it on my face too. I know you're not supposed to, but I've double dipped. You can't double dip. Why? Just get two. You dig your balls and then your face. Yeah, I did it. I did my balls first and I was like, well, I could always...
Starting point is 00:59:38 You wash your asshole and then your armpits and then your face. Yeah, it's soap. It's self-cleaning. That's not, okay. Anyways, it lasts up to 90 minutes so you can take a longer shave. One of the coolest new features, guess what it is. What? It has a light on the thing now. So when you're looking down,
Starting point is 00:59:56 you can finally see your bush fat. It's like a miner's helmet. Yeah. That's exactly the light which illuminates grooming areas for a closer and more precise trimming. They're also upgrading to a 7,000 RPM motor with quiet stroke, which is what I do in bed late at night with my wife sleeping.
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Starting point is 01:01:59 Great. Some of these other ones I got, you got to fucking do it outside on a towel and then go inside and then I'll fucking miss the spot, step back outside, but it's wet manscaped.com. con la idea de que se hagan, que se hagan de hacerla hacia el lado, y luego se hagan de ir hacia el lado, no sé, me he hecho la espada, que se hagan de ir hacia el lado, pero es un poco de que se hagan. Máscabe.com, vayos ahora, cúrbamos. de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Bolotea. Tarifa sujeta a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Um, alright, well, we're back.
Starting point is 01:02:34 We're live. We're live. From the right, you know what to do. Right, Patron. Did Mike, where'd Michael? Is he crying? Someone check on Mike, please. Oh, listen, I tell you, when we did the,
Starting point is 01:02:47 last week, when we did the, excuse me. There he is. Shh. No, I told them about this. Last week, I brought the Oculus Quest in, and there's a thing called Plank where you can take an elevator to the top of the building and you walk out on a plank. And it looks like you're on the top of a building.
Starting point is 01:03:03 I mean, you're literally scared, even though you're in this room. And everybody was like, all right, so we were pushing people off because people wouldn't jump. So I pushed in off, I pushed Mike off and you literally, they're like this when they fall because you're falling to your death. You can hear the wind. And it sounds fun. It's fucking crazy. I always want to jump off of high areas. I push Mike off. You literally just committed suicide. He went like this Oh, no, I didn't push him. Oh, he jumped. No, we go my jump off. He just went fump and he just did his dream His fucking dream. He just jumped off of building did a fucking fucking casket cross and just hit the ground.
Starting point is 01:03:45 Honestly, that might be the new thing for suicidal people because you know how they say everybody regrets jumping off the bridge as soon as they jump off. If you give them Oculus Rift and allow them to jump to their death, maybe that thing will trigger and yet they still get to stay alive. Yeah, so they'll do that, they'll jump off, take the thing off and their girlfriend will still be gone. I love how Mike had a new lease on life, and then his dog died. He's like, I just think,
Starting point is 01:04:09 make back the virtual reality. That'd be great if you get your dog in virtual reality. Yeah. Like, it could just be the out, get a photo of your dog, a 360 photo, and then you could put it on a dog in a game, so it looks like you're a fucking dog.
Starting point is 01:04:25 And you can go visit your dog. And be like, come here, Jasper. That's gonna be a thing. That has to be a thing. Give me a Jasper. What am I gonna do? Come here, Nana. No?
Starting point is 01:04:35 I have pictures of my old dog and I still remember what she feels like. Like I have active sense memory of what if you could go on a park and just throw a ball to your dog, Jasper, with Oculus. Then you're like, you wouldn't want that. Then you're like Tom Cruise in minority report, just loading up videos of your
Starting point is 01:04:50 dead song. Yeah, I know. Oh, my mom and a chair in the room talking to my dad. That's what it's going to be like, I think. That's what heaven is, you know, is here in heaven? Absolutely not. You don't believe in heaven? No, no.
Starting point is 01:05:04 I'm an adult, Bob. You are't believe in heaven? No. No. I'm an adult, Bob. You are who believes in heaven? Raise your hand. I believe heaven exists. Who believes who heaven is a place on earth? The state of data love comes first. Who is heaven a place on earth? No, let's not have a Keen to life, I don't know the song. Listen, remember Billy Squire? Sure. Anyways. You just like heaven.
Starting point is 01:05:35 You don't believe in heaven. I believe that I, Yes, in a psychedelic, yes, in that. No, I think it's a thing on earth. I think we experience both heaven and hell on earth and morons have taken that literally. I think that after we die, we actually go to a place with a gate that we meet our dumb hands.
Starting point is 01:05:51 So you know, that's a no. You know, I don't believe in heaven as the children of the world describe it. Okay, do you believe in heaven? Not really. Not really or some. A little bit, but not like. So you think after you die, there's a doggy heaven, your dog's in it.
Starting point is 01:06:06 I think my dog's, yeah. Rainbow bridge. Yeah, I don't think there's a little place you go to, but I think it's more of an energy thing. Okay, Joe, you don't believe in it? No. Okay, Gabby? No. Becky.
Starting point is 01:06:19 And Matt, Chris. I'm with mush. On the energy thing. Okay, Zach. I don't need energy thing the energy thing. Okay, Zach. Well, the energy thing too. Yeah. So nobody in this room believes that there is a heaven when you die. I believe in reincarnation.
Starting point is 01:06:31 Listen. Me too. Okay. When I was 10, I told my mom I was Martin Luther King Jr. reincarnated. That's cultural appropriation. Well, that explains the shirt. Yeah, I hope someone shoots you. I wish we had a balcony here.
Starting point is 01:06:46 I let Max, he was like, can I listen to the, I had a dream speech? And I was like, absolutely. And I was so proud that he wanted to listen to the speech. And then, but in it, it's so much stuff that he's like, you know, slaves in the Negro and I was like, can't say that. Don't say that. Can't say that.
Starting point is 01:07:11 Because, yeah, I wish it was just the end part. What's like, I had a dream. Did you say the end part? The end. Oh, the whole thing is the end part. The end. Because I don't want him to say, he can't say Negro. the end. That's what you said. Because I don't want him to say, he can't say Negro.
Starting point is 01:07:29 Why? Can he say Negro? Well, Negro, you don't say anymore. We can't say Negro. That's a good time. I don't want my kid to go to school. There's a lot of Negroes at this. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:44 Like, I don't want him to walk in and go, you know, the way you say it is such a hybrid between the N word and Negro. It's right there. There's that box in accent. This shitty tone, Negro. I believe it's Negro. Negro, whatever.
Starting point is 01:07:58 I just don't know. Here's, do we have any black friends? No. No. No. I told you at the time of. He said friends. What time?
Starting point is 01:08:07 I was in Aruba with Dan Natterman and Nori Davis and we were talking about black friends. That's fun. And Nori goes, how many black friends do you have and Dan Natterman goes? Well, I gotta tell you, it's not a sense of pride, but I have to say zero. But it's not a point of pride, but zero.
Starting point is 01:08:27 I'm gonna ask Keith, he'll pick up. If he's not napping. I just don't know if he can say that, right? Negro? No, we don't say that. He can't say that, right? I mean, you can't say that. But Monolith, the king said it.
Starting point is 01:08:43 That's what we call black people back then. And Negro back then, but he, but he, they, they, they called themselves Negro. Yeah, I believe they're capable of calling themselves whatever they want. Yeah. I know. I'm just, you guys are not helping.
Starting point is 01:08:56 Hello? Leave a message. Oh, just fucking leave a message. No, Negro just, it's antiquated. It's like saying, uh, color, colored. Colored, yeah. So it's colored. No, it's no longer colored either. But no, I mean, you can't say college. You can't say Negro. But then what do I replace? What are you place that with black black
Starting point is 01:09:14 black African American. So you can I say to him I say max you can't say that, but you can't say black. You got black stuff saying Negro. It's shine But you can't say black. You got to say black. Stop saying Negro, it's shine. Jesus Christ. I'm not taking that out. No, please amplify it if anything. I love.
Starting point is 01:09:30 Yeah, when you book a gig on Comedy Central. Yeah, now I've aged out of it. I've aged and gendered out of that. I got one, what are the black friends who have? Sharad. No. Harris Stanton. Godfrey.
Starting point is 01:09:46 Godfrey's gonna be a long. No, that's good too long. Too long. Monroe. Ian? Monroe. Monroe. Wait, what are we trying to get the answer for though?
Starting point is 01:09:55 You can't say Negro. I just want to hear black person say it. I don't trust two white guys. No, no one says Negro anymore. That's not, no one's ever, that's not even a question. No one says Negro.. That's not, no one's ever, that's not even a question. No one says Negro. Sam Roberts. Sam no. I mean his hair would. Munro. I can't even find let me see will still Vince hang on one second Dante. Oh yeah, well, black friend Should we call dark web oh came up with Dante? Dante's a good one
Starting point is 01:10:35 You can't see that you shouldn't teach me Dante don't take tanning bed Bobby. No, you see what I got Yo, you see my chinchilla code I just bought I Came with you, buddy. I got a question for you. You live on my YKW podcast Mike Cannon Joe Joe list to here Um, I have a question for you. I have a question for you and I had I need to What'd you say that was hurtful? I said you got the heavyweight still Yeah, well, yeah, I know the data kiss laugh afterwards really hurt I love that I can't just plug my fucking phone and we have nine thousand dollars cameras
Starting point is 01:11:15 And I still have to hold the fucking iPhone up to this stupid microphone That fix it. I got I got a thing a bluetooth that you can link your phone to it. Thank you, other fucking podcast. Jesus Christ. Anyways, my son Max, you love Max, he's the best. He wanted to watch the, I have a dream speech. And I was letting him watch it, but I didn't know, I let him watch the full one. And there's a lot of words in there like Negro that he can't say.
Starting point is 01:11:51 Right. So what, I mean, he can't say that, right? He shouldn't say it, but you can explain to him why. Okay, how do I say that? You just say, you have to, I mean, first of all, let me just say this is dope that you let them watch the speech Yeah, but I think you can tell him in what context In what context that at that time if there was a context where black people were were treated unfairly Well, I mean, they still be intruded on fairly, but I mean all right
Starting point is 01:12:23 Can we not go down that fucking right now i know i know i'm not not i don't have the time though i just need to see what so just in the context just explain to him that historically in the context of historically that's what people were told that's how they that's how they what they call people and it and it's changed with time and so what do I say now Black people black people black people got it black people's fine So because he was like a Negro and as you can't say that and he went why can't I say Negro and He know and then he used the other word and i was like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
Starting point is 01:13:05 i was like no kidding you've been reading dad's jokes i mean look you can't you can't that was only in the car when they cut you off you can't you can't you can't you can't or when you oh when you got five large on the fucking lake is and Oh, you got five launch on the fucking lake is You mean any sport
Starting point is 01:13:34 Except ping pong I think you just I think it's dope that you're doing it, but I think part of that is that you have to give him the Historical context so I'm gonna say that back in the day That was a word that people use and that is a bad word. And it was derogatory because they didn't think that black people were eating their equals. I got to go that far. Can I just stop at the end? Yeah, fill them in.
Starting point is 01:13:54 I have to, how's he going? How's he going to know? So I got to go, because I'm worried that he's going to go up to the black kid in school and go sorry for treating you bad. And the black kid's going to go, what the fuck are you talking about?
Starting point is 01:14:06 Yeah, but these days white men are born with original sin, so he should be apologizing. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. No, yeah, I mean, we get told that your rage will do it, but not now. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, So, all right. So black, African, I'm gonna say black. And then you can't say Negro because back in the day, black people, they call black people, Negroes and other words, and those are bad. And I'm gonna say
Starting point is 01:14:40 that white people back in the day treated black people, you know, not anybody you know, it's definitely generation out we've never done anything bad white white men are awesome has he met his grandparent that's not true now the white men all the white men he knows is they're good okay thank you well why people if you school you learn you know you'll learn about a whole bunch of them that that not good. But the point is, you know what I'm going to say here. No, he's literally going to an all-white school. They're going to be fine. Dante, did you forget who wrote history?
Starting point is 01:15:12 You know, there's the browning of America. There's nothing you can do about it. You guys are going to be extinct soon. But the, not in my lifetime. I don't know. We'll see. Jesus Christ. It's going to happen in my lifetime. I don't know, we'll see. Jesus Christ, what's going to happen in a month? It sounds like a threat. I mean, it already happened at the seller, but... But they just like orientals and...
Starting point is 01:15:38 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I take offense to that. That's just because you put on weight and you look change. to that that that that that that that
Starting point is 01:16:00 that that that that that that we'll just take one of the time though. I think that doesn't like so much in the bowl. Yeah, I mean, yes. Well, I mean, I just think that I was proud that he wanted to learn about Martin Luther King, and I had the dream speech, but I just didn't know what to say. So now, tell him that, boom, and then move through Spix,
Starting point is 01:16:20 and Chinese, no, I'm kidding. And the whole thing, you get the whole, yeah, what I mean, if you're trying to teach him, it's like, so whenever I talk about race, it's not just about black people. I mean, this has been going on from with the Irish and the Italians. Yeah, I'm a victim.
Starting point is 01:16:41 Hey, can you cook? Oh yeah. I'm gonna have you come over, maybe before his his birthday and have a little talk with him, right? Yeah. And don't they teach him how to treat bitches. Yeah, and then I want you to teach him how to pin up a hose now on a bitch. When I mean to let her life, you know, say, to get these bitches to do what he needs them to do. And then talk to Don. I take the time this clock. So I can send the dick pic to my wife. What? It was an accident. How many don't do you know you fuck I never met a Don in
Starting point is 01:17:17 Brooklyn in my life. He sent my wife a picture of his mule. Wow What'd she say she was what she say she bought 16 romance novels? I found it by accident wow Yeah, I call I called you up. I mean, I was pretty, as if I was just going to keep selling her dick. I mean, let's get real if you wanted to, you could.
Starting point is 01:17:55 I'm just going to have to take it. Was it a live picture or still? That was it. I know you. She loves you, Joe. It was a boomerang. I'll be selling it anyway. It had to be. All right, buddy. That's the whole thing. I love you she loves you too. There's a boomerang. I'll be silly anyway. Yeah, I'll be. I'll be.
Starting point is 01:18:05 All right, buddy. That's the whole thing. I love you, bye. All right, well, there you go. We fixed it. Yeah, he said that nice fat mule picked him, my wife. I was like, what are you with the fuck is that? She's like, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:18:19 I called him up like I could beat him up. I was fucking, I was like, listen, you fucking cock sucker. You ever send out fucking bury you in a shovel. I'll smash you a fat head with a shovel. And he was like, Bobby, Bobby, you know, because he's not afraid of music. Listen, man, you need to stop. It was basically, I'll kill you. You can hit me with a shovel.
Starting point is 01:18:41 I'll still kill you. I fucked it. It was so important. Such a sweet guy, not a thing. I'll still kill you. I fucked it. It was so pox. That's just weak. I'd not take out his dick look Yeah, looks like it's like you think it would look and then that's what she's into motorcycle tattoos Through the urethra. Yeah, I'm not too dark. Let me take who's that? Who the fuck was that?
Starting point is 01:19:06 I think that was Cameron Fry. So, guys, just come up and stole a guitar. Sir, who are you? He's one of the soundguests from downstairs. Are you a sound guy? Oh, okay. Are you stealing guitars? Did you get fired?
Starting point is 01:19:16 Okay, good. Maybe just grabbing 10,000 dollar guitars. That's a fucking ood from the 16th century. What the fuck was they saying? I was saying I had a fucking... I don't taste it. Your wife wants to fuck. No.
Starting point is 01:19:31 No, my wife does my wife. She's from Everett. She's from Everett. Yeah. Loud and clear. One of the criteria. I lived there. I remember I had God-free and Arty
Starting point is 01:19:42 with one of my fucking chick tests. I'd come in. Yeah, sit down with them. I'd walk away for a minute. And if I looked over there having a grand old time, I'm like, you're done. I told you I was at the brown. I'd walk out with my wife. She's like, Oh, God. I was like, Yeah, I love you. Let her too much pigment at that table. Can't I never thought they'd fucking shut up, Bobby? What the fuck? Fucking melanin, dude. I lived in Everett. And I was at a bar called the Derby,
Starting point is 01:20:08 which is at the end of my street. And we were there and it was like a dive Everett bar and a black guy walked in. He was like a Dominican or some kind of island. And he was like, hello. And the bartender was like, you're all set. You're good. And the guy was like, what?
Starting point is 01:20:24 And he's like, all set, we're all set. Yeah. And yeah, it was the fucking craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. And I'm not just saying this because I'm a good guy. I never went back there. God damn it. But it was the most, you never said anything either. I mean, I finished my drink and took the bus.
Starting point is 01:20:41 But it was the most, it was the most, what do you call it? Brazen? Racism I've ever seen in my life. Like he was just like, we're good, take care. Thank you. Thanks. All set.
Starting point is 01:20:54 And this was in, you know, like 2006. Wasn't like a, I'm actually glad we're living where we live because Max has a very big palette of friends. Yeah, Spanish, black girls, white, Jewish. I used to play basketball at the Rec Center in your town. Yeah. And it was kind of heavily populated by bluds at that time. Like young blood members.
Starting point is 01:21:19 What, where is it? Greenberg? Yeah. Yeah. Probably over there. Yeah, yeah. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, probably over there. Yeah, yeah, because I white planes. They tried to take the Reggie Miller jersey off my body. And I was in college and they were like 11 and 12.
Starting point is 01:21:32 They just surrounded me. It's like, color was traveled. It was crazy, too. Your hair was pinned to the basketball court. It was before a summer league basketball game in college. And yeah, they just surrounded me. And we're like, yeah, that's a cool jersey. And they started like tearing at it. And I'm like just surrounded me. We're like, yeah, that's a cool jersey.
Starting point is 01:21:45 And they started like tearing at it. And I'm like, what the fuck is happening right now? You find him? No, I got up and was like, kind of ready. They got you down? No, I was sitting already. And I didn't want to escalate the situation, but like, get the fuck away from me, kids.
Starting point is 01:21:58 But they started like physically handling me. And I got up and I was like, I might just have to just swing on a bunch, you know, a bunch of African Americans. Right. And, but the, the leader of the building came over and like with a broom, shoot them away.
Starting point is 01:22:13 What? Yeah, it was crazy. And the broom? Yeah, it was wild. Was this a cartoon? I mean, it might as well. Who shoes the bloods away with a broom? I don't know, I mean, they were, you know,
Starting point is 01:22:22 young, nothing lyrus. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha know. I mean, they were, you know, young nothing. They're what cartoon is that? How different with the Rodney can you get on it here? I just did with the broom. It's different with the Rodney. The push broom. All right, Rodney. It's enough out of you. I, uh, we just went looked at houses yesterday up further. No kidding. Yeah, we're going, we're going to finish. We're going up.
Starting point is 01:22:48 We want woods. Little more lights, huh? White flight. No. That's what it sounds like. I know. That's why I'm a transition from that story to a moving further north. Sorry.
Starting point is 01:22:57 This thing to squeeze in my fucking ear drums off. What the head hands? I need bottles or something. Hello, folks. All right. Yeah, we're moving up to here. No, we want to be, we want more woods. Near Yannis Street.
Starting point is 01:23:11 And the schools are a little better. Yeah, the schools are a little better. But Yannis moves. Yeah. Yannis lives on Verzy Street. No kidding. And I almost, I looked at a house right across here from Yannis.
Starting point is 01:23:22 That would be fun. That would be crazy. You could do it. You think? That would be fun. How great be crazy. You could do it. You think? That would be fun. How great would that be? Have all your kids grow up in the desert? The house I like, it's still on the market.
Starting point is 01:23:30 She doesn't want to fuck with it. Has a built-in pool. I'd be the king of the block. I don't know. Why didn't she like it? I fucking don't know, dude. How much further up is it? It's around 30 versus around 35, 40 minutes up.
Starting point is 01:23:43 We want to do 20 to 25 minutes up, like Katona or something like that. Bedford, we're a fucking Martha Stewart lives. So why do you wanna move up? Because it's more, I looked at how it's just there with four acres, you know, awesome that is. Just to walk out in your backyard and fucking take a walk.
Starting point is 01:24:03 Nobody around, I mean, I got cool neighbors now. They're pretty nice, but it's still, it's, you know, I don't know. Just to have a bigger place, bigger house. But that's a long ride to the city. It's not, I make it to the city right now from my house in 30 minutes. So two hour.
Starting point is 01:24:20 So two here, I make it to the seller, parked and quicker than you, fucks would make it. From Brooklyn or. No, I make it to the seller parked and quicker than you, Fox would make it from Brooklyn or. No, I make sure 25 minutes. Like I said, almost where you live, crown eyes. It's really quick, though. I'm right on the A. Yeah, a lot of people that I know takes 45 minutes to get here. Yeah. Same. So it's same for me, right? It takes me a long time to get to the comic strip or stand up in New York. It's an hour. Yeah. So I could get there in the same time probably sooner. I'd probably get over there in 35 minutes. But you're saying 30 minutes further up. I'm saying around 20, 25 minutes further up. That's also assuming there's no traffic and, you know, that,
Starting point is 01:24:53 but I have to assume that every night. That's true. It's just a better life. I love the city and all that apartment shit, but to have a backyard to fuck, I mean, me, my wife and I did a night, we lit a fire, we were fucking hanging out. Yeah. That the dog was running around. It was worried about Max. I want new friends or that's no, no, it'll make friends they weren't about him. He's such a personal guy. But we were sledding in the backyard. I mean, fuck dude, we're snowed, we were in the backyard for two hours, snowball fights, sledding, the dog running around. It was fucking awesome.
Starting point is 01:25:25 That's great. Yeah, you can't do that in the city. With a kid, you got to fun go to some stupid park with a bunches in title fuck faces that don't even pay attention to their kid or the two uptight. They just sit and they don't do that. Don't do this. You know what I mean? I want my kid to fucking do shit and fall and get hurt.
Starting point is 01:25:45 Well, speaking of blood, there's like 17 of them that live on my stoop during the summer. You're kidding. Roodle, man, it sucks, because there's one liquor store on my corner that is like the last bastion of whatever. And yeah, everybody, they run a low ring fucking dealing circle on my fucking line.
Starting point is 01:26:04 They're smoking blondes. And you probably pay $2,500 a month. Yeah. Yeah. You could, if I move you bought my house, you could probably pay $2,500 a month to own a home. Well, then keep me abreast of what you're going to say. And you'd be, the trains are right there and the hot two highways are right there east
Starting point is 01:26:22 of west side in the city and a half hour. It's the same shit, except you have a backyard, you have a fucking home. Yeah. But you have to fix your home. No, you don't. No, mine's a turnkey. Can I keep the tree house?
Starting point is 01:26:37 Keep everything. All right, I'll buy it. You keep the shed? Done. Shed yours. Oh my God, new Patreon. Mike Cannon, kind of. How funny if I sold you my house and you had live from the
Starting point is 01:26:46 ship of Mike? And it blows up. This is the same exact thing and it blows up. And I'm just, I'm live from the hut in Katona. And it's gonna take off. I would fucking, I would hang myself. I would hang myself. I'd be like, dude, can I be on your show?
Starting point is 01:27:02 And I'd fucking just blow my brains out in your shed. Oh man, that's probably what would make it blow up. Yeah. Yeah. The big bitch. Just my blood splatter on the back. You put my head shut in the middle. That's how you wanna make an Irish goodbye? Anyway. Ugh. What a plug. Anyways. All right, Joe, you fucking, you're done.
Starting point is 01:27:19 What do you mean? I know, you just quiet. I'm listening, you're talking. What am I supposed to do? I know, jump in. I've jumped in. I feel like Joe has been killing this whole time. Yeah, I was just trying to fight a fire under his asshole right now. Yeah, I jumped in.
Starting point is 01:27:33 We're talking about real estate. I don't know. What the fuck? Why don't you get a house? I got an apartment. I like it. You have a two floor apartment. You are good.
Starting point is 01:27:40 My apartment's insane. My apartment's bigger than your house now. It's fucking crazy, dude. It's crazy. apartment is bigger than your house now. It's fucking crazy dude. It's crazy. It's bigger than my house. I think it's about the size of your house now. Our apartment just doubled. We have two bathrooms, two full bathrooms.
Starting point is 01:27:55 Two full. Yes. Wow, it's great. We have, it's insane. Are you near the train? It's crazy. Yeah. How?
Starting point is 01:28:02 The story of trains kind of blow. Yeah. No, no, they're good. The end train is the fucking best. The what train? The end. Did you listen to Dante? Tell Max now it's the a and or W. American. And and is the W. Right. You can take either. Yeah. Do you ever want to prefer? You don't have kids anyways, right? No. I don't think if I I didn't have a kid I might still, I would definitely be still in the city. Yeah. But no, I'd like a place in the Berkshire. That's my dream. I don't buy a house in the Berkshire.
Starting point is 01:28:29 I can shoot up, suck my dick, you don't have a fire. How far is the Berkshire? Three hours. Three hours. My parents house, three hours from my house. Yeah, we're only three hours from Boston now. That's nice. Which is great. We're gonna be even closer when we move. That's my dream though. Place in the city, place in Lake George. Ah, Lake George stinks. You stink because Lake George is the best place on earth. And I will fight for this to the death.
Starting point is 01:28:51 You're a sucks of fucking white trash, goon. You got to him right. I love doing mushrooms in the woods and on a lake, dude. It's the fuck back. Lake George is so, first of all, Lake George is not, it's kind of ghetto. No, it isn't. Yeah, there's areas.
Starting point is 01:29:03 Give it over to the beach, Lake George Beach. No, I'm't. Yeah, there's area. Give it over the beach, Lake George Beach. No, I'm white. Why do you have to go white? You know, Lake George Beach is kind of ghetto. I don't know which one. As somebody that's woke, I've been uncomfortable the last half hour. Because I think, you know, blacks are,
Starting point is 01:29:19 they're people too sort of. We said. We have to get more, I have to to get more I can get somebody to work This is an uncomfortable room to make these jokes. I know we're joking. It is pale. Keeps calling. There we go. Thank God great timing What am I? I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm What do you think about Mike Cannon special? Nobody listen right? No, we're actually alive on my podcast with Mike Cannon and Joe. There we go. No place. Listen. Oh, yeah, good. But the answer is yes, no one's listening.
Starting point is 01:29:58 What the fuck? What did you think? What I think you know what I, you know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think.
Starting point is 01:30:11 You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think.
Starting point is 01:30:19 You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know what I think. right even though I know for a fact that one but I don't even think he's seen me do comedy but he just peed into what he believes I do. You know what? Just your white don't face bugs me enough to know even that should not good. I have to admit right now I've never seen
Starting point is 01:30:38 him do comedy. I've literally lied to his face so I know he's great. No idea. I have no idea what he does. You're my comedy father. I'm here. Yeah. I can't do the whole thing. Hey, I got a, I actually asked Dante, but because Max wanted to see, wanted to watch the Martin Luther King
Starting point is 01:30:56 I had a dream speech. And I didn't know they said Negro into the lot. And I, he was like Negro and I was like, you can't say that and I didn't know why. He can't say Negro. He can't. Well, now, you look right. It don't look good for you. You little son of a say Negro. What if he's what if he's in a video game? How buddy would that be at the town park Max is like, dad, I'm going to go play with the Negroes on the swing.
Starting point is 01:31:21 at the town park Max is like, dad, I'm gonna go play with the Negroes on the swing. Yeah. That's right. That's a 60 year old and above I work. All right, so okay, so if you're a 60, you can say Negro. Yes. If you're white. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:31:38 Okay, great. That's good to know. So I'm for yeah. Boss can say it. I'm a college. Boss can say the other end word. Yeah, he's grandfathered in for a lot of these. Boss helped draft. Yeah, let's just lay.
Starting point is 01:31:56 Boss can say nip. Yes. All right. So he can't say that's a sound right for Max to be saying Negro. Okay. So he, well, I said you can't say it. And he was like, why? And I was like, well, because because they don't like it. He's like, he's like, who's a little black boys will punch you in a face. All right. like it. He's like, he's like, who's a little black boys will punch you in a face. All right. So, well, Dante told me to explain why.
Starting point is 01:32:34 To explain why. Yeah, he said you should tell him because black people back in the day, which treated unfairly and less than and white people, you know, made up these names and one of the other way, man, hold his max. He's six. Yeah, there's six year old needing all that right now. Right, that's the last thing. Well, I play whatever you play, I don't know what kids play with. He's penis, he's penis, he's six. I don't play this dick and enjoy that. All right, so I should say enjoy your dick
Starting point is 01:33:00 and just don't say. Enjoy your dick. And he can take me with a dick Negro you want to be you want to be with a dick Negro? I'm gonna play with my Negro right now hahaha hahaha
Starting point is 01:33:18 hahaha okay okay okay that's good now I'm hoping that his dick man. I hope I'm hope Oh, his dick lives up to his nickname later I hope he I hope his dick doesn't look like a shun later in life. Yes, it's a Negro, but it's more of a kind of heart more of a kind of heart. Not as strong of my cannon. Ha ha ha ha.
Starting point is 01:33:45 All right, dude. All right. Thank you very much. I see you later. I'll talk to you later. Bye. He's so funny, dude. Oh, God.
Starting point is 01:33:54 All right. Well, we learned a lot today. Yeah. You're special is out right now. Well, by the time this air is, yeah, it's coming out Friday, January 24th, and you're in it. Jim Norton's in it, Colin's in it Keith Robinson rich Voss and You are so smart. Why?
Starting point is 01:34:09 Because you're because you this is why you're smart you had us all do this thing. Yeah, we love of course We love your mic sure well, we like you a lot and some of us just like you some of some of yeah Some of you don't care for me whatsoever and you had us do all this stuff because you know we're insecure and we just want to be a part of anything. Sure. And we did this video and it came out amazing and then when it's time to plug your shit, you're gonna tag all of us in it
Starting point is 01:34:33 and we're gonna retweet it because we have to cause we're in it. Here's open. You're gonna have clips. I think it's gonna be good for you guys. Of Colin Quinn. So you think it's gonna help our career? I think so, yeah.
Starting point is 01:34:43 We're all betting on this. I'm hoping that. Well, honestly, you guys are all doing what you do best. I mean, the life that came into Jim Norton's face when I asked him to do this, like, you know, trash me and say hurtful things and he is vicious this humanly possible. I haven't seen him that elated since I got to know him.
Starting point is 01:35:00 Is this dying this whole trashing thing that we use? No, no. All these pods are huge. Yeah. Legion of Skanks, my podcast, this one, I can't, I don't know what this podcast is. But, they're all, big. And roast battle is, roast battles on TV. Yeah, I know, but roast battles have died.
Starting point is 01:35:22 Nobody cares about them anymore. But they don't, they're going. Yeah, yeah. But that's what TV six months ago. That was a fidget spinner, though. We're down with those. But I think everybody likes watching, especially people that know each other and are familiar with each other, like kind of go to town and just and just trash each other. That's why they try to take part in it online and that just ends up being hurtful because they don't know us. Right. We would go. people enjoy watching friends together.
Starting point is 01:35:45 That's why impractical jokers is so big to me. Yeah, they enjoy four buddies laughing together. Yeah, I guess you're right, man. Yeah, well, they just saw three buddies laugh together. Yeah, and then these nine other people. Oh, they're not on the camera, so they can't. But no, this is like a great time. I think that we're all crazy.
Starting point is 01:36:04 All we all talk about, we get together and talk about PC and social justice and the best time for coming over. It's like, we're all killing it. I'm all doing great. I've never said anything about it. Rogan, Ari, Legion, Skanks, us, the all that shit. We're all doing fine.
Starting point is 01:36:20 Yeah, we're doing good. And luckily we're too low level to really get canceled at this point. Yeah, we can't get canceled They can't take we could say we're house away. You could say whatever you want right now on this show and nothing will happen to you Yeah, we've been trying it for years. Well Mike just said a fucking racial slurred I'm sure to go several. Yeah, what are you trying? I Said sim that similar things, but Black people are people kind of.
Starting point is 01:36:45 And it hit fortunately. It's got to just hope for the laughs. You can play it and be like, look. Look, other whites are enjoying. Yeah. Completely group of white people are laughing at it. So Mike, what is the special come out? See, January 24th, what's it called? You two, it's called Life Begins. And like I said, my heroes are in it. So Mike, what is this special come out? So yeah, January 24th.
Starting point is 01:37:05 What's it called? It's called Life Begins. And like I said, my heroes are in it. It was, thank you so much for doing it genuinely. I really mean that because it was such a big deal to get you and everybody else involved. And yeah, I got to film it at the Village Underground, which another dream come true.
Starting point is 01:37:20 And yeah, YouTube, Mike Cannon Comedy, subscribe now if you're watching live and you know, you know, pass it around. This is what we're doing right now. We're all creating our own thing and we're trying to get the ball rolling to, uh, you know, to sell some fucking tickets on the road. That's the whole goal. Yeah. So you can get a house.
Starting point is 01:37:33 Yeah. So I can get Bobbie's house. Yeah. You want to buy mine? I do want to buy your house. You can have it. All right. Ma, Joe, what do you got?
Starting point is 01:37:40 Uh, herpes. Happy sides, herpes. Uh, the bl. That besides herpes. Oops. Oops. Oh, the blisters oozing. I got Tuesday's with Stories every Tuesday. It's a comedy podcast and. You do video now too. What's that?
Starting point is 01:37:57 You do video now too. Yeah, YouTube. It's on YouTube. I don't know. I don't know anything about that, but it's on YouTube. I used to check it out and read the comments, but they are extremely hurt. Yeah, no, I had to stop doing it. Oh, you can't read comments. Terribly hurt. You can't read the good ones. No, you know, one, you know, they mean as nothing as the bad ones. You have to take it like that where the compliments are also
Starting point is 01:38:18 you can't thank you and move on. You read those bad ones. They're fucking bad. Yeah. No, you gotta let, you gotta keep them there though, because sometimes the hate they just stay on your page and it just keeps rising in the algorithm. But yeah, you can't read it. It's so bad. But I've actually thought of quitting comedy, going to like Israel becoming like working with the Masad and trying to like an assassin a killer.
Starting point is 01:38:44 And then coming back years later and murdering, like murdering that guy's family, but slowly. Yeah. And then, you know, just take the tweet on a piece of paper and stick it in his, like all the tweets, I leave them on the dead body of his family. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:39:00 So he knows, like not who, but somebody. And this is because of him, and what he said on Twitter. And then, you know, and then the last one will be just me. It's what they sent him a video of his kid. Oh my God. Just crying. Yeah. Before his final destination.
Starting point is 01:39:19 Now you can never do this because you'll be premeditated. No, I'll do it. I'll fucking do it. I'll get away with it. Oh geez. Yeah. This is Bob Kelly signing off. That murder is chocked.
Starting point is 01:39:29 Yeah, I've actually gotten mad where I want to go find people though. Of course. Like I wanted to fly. Like I wanted to hire an investigator to find out where they live and then go find them. Well, because we give all of our personal information. So they have so much to work with. Yeah. And they know what hurts us because all we do is talk comedy and what hurts us. And so they use what hurts us against us. But
Starting point is 01:39:50 meanwhile, they're the fucking shivering, nervous asshole that are trying to get a picture with you after the show. Sometimes I feel this, I've had this happen a few times when I get into it with them. And then I say things that are insulting to the actual fans. Like you're nothing. You're just a fucking garbage person reaching out to a stranger because you have nothing going on in your life. And meanwhile, everyone that wrote, hey man, I'm a big fan can see this.
Starting point is 01:40:14 Yeah. And I'm like, not you, you're cool. But yeah, sometimes they catch you on the bed. Like my father-in-law passed away. And then the next day, I was at a three hour delay. We're flying home to go be with Sarah's family and the flight's delayed three hours. And at that moment, some guy was like trolling me.
Starting point is 01:40:33 So I just went fucking, and this poor guy has no idea. I'm like, the lowest point in my life. And I'm like, you fucking scumbag, fucking scoundrel. And then in like, after a while, he was like, I'm really sorry, man. I was kind of being a dick, I just felt bad. Good.
Starting point is 01:40:47 But yeah, you know. Good fuck you. Yeah, good. I don't get it. You shouldn't feel bad for having them feel a sliver of what they did to you. Here's what you should be accountable. You should have to give you a license.
Starting point is 01:40:58 And you're so secure in everything. Everybody should be very happy. When you, when yeah, when social media, now you're accountable. I know who you are. Your boss does. So now you can say whatever you want. Freedom of speech, but now you're accountable for it.
Starting point is 01:41:11 So if you work at a fucking bank and you just called somebody the end word and this other chick of fat cut lesbian, then you have to be accountable to the people you work with. Now they know. And they know your piece of shit, you know? But yeah, I've been very mad at
Starting point is 01:41:26 that shit. I stopped looking now. I feel I feel such a freedom. Not looking at comments is very freeing. I can tell when I'm getting ready to do something big though, is because I'm such a self-sabotager and I want to like, I want to hurt myself for some reason, then I'll go seeking them out. Like I'll go to old YouTube stuff that I've done, or it's like, ridiculous, like digital cutting. I don't know what I'm doing. Some guys love it though. Like, Lewis loves it. There's no way he loves it.
Starting point is 01:41:50 He gets off on it a little bit, but there's a part of his little Puerto Rican boy that hurts every time somebody calls him a dummy. I know, but I like, I like when he goes after people. I mean, his Twitter actually like, because he's just a tax somebody, and he's not, Lewis is a smart guy, he's not a stoo, I mean, he's stupid in ways, like I'm stupid too,
Starting point is 01:42:09 but he's smart when it comes to fighting somebody verbally on Twitter. He really just not in hotels. I mean, I'm sure he has nine people around him telling him what, no, write this, write that. James is like, daddy, do this. Yeah, my name is. Well, you're gonna get good reviews on this one.
Starting point is 01:42:26 Yeah, so we'll get you some good comments. Yeah, and if you have positive things to say about my special, please say them because hopefully those outweigh the bad. Yeah, Gabby, how you doing? I'm good. Yeah. What do you get going on? I'm be saying an awful coat that an old man wore in 56.
Starting point is 01:42:42 I did get this in a thrift shop in Vermont. You don't need to. And it smells weird. I hope get this in a thrift shop in Vermont. It's just, you don't need to. And it smells weird. I hope there's a ghost. How does it ghost the touch to it? They're for sure is. Am I a monthly show at the stand called Our Time of the Week? The next one is.
Starting point is 01:42:55 Eight, you're fucking close. Oh, thank you. The next one is. It's such a beautiful young girl and you refuse to show it. February four. You just want to look like a show it. You look like a poor German boy. That's exactly what I look like.
Starting point is 01:43:08 Um, I'll see that. And then I have a monthly show in Brooklyn as well. Follow me on Instagram, at Gabby's Brian. I post everything. And I have a podcast called Unabashed Podcast. She has so much shit. Well, I've heard that you have a show and a podcast.
Starting point is 01:43:21 I ain't ever hear it from you. I feel like we had an extension here. Yeah. You guys want to do my show? Absolutely not. But I've laid some. Like, I hear hear from you. I feel like we had an exception here. Yeah. You guys want to do my show? Absolutely not, but I've laid some. Thank you. I'll take you, hey. I'd like the opportunity to turn it down.
Starting point is 01:43:32 Yeah, exactly. Loud and clear. But yeah, I would. Yeah, I would. Yeah. We supposed to announce anything. Then we have something to announce. We did.
Starting point is 01:43:43 New curtains. Yeah, no, right? We're not announcing it on this one. Well, we have a big show coming up at the village on the ground. I guess we're not announcing it this week. Well, you are. Huh? You are right now. It's what just give the dates. We can start selling tickets. Huh? You just another date. You don't know the date? I'm not here for that. What are you, no, all right.
Starting point is 01:44:11 So now that I was supposed to announce it. It's a cute little dead ball. At Matt lost a lot of weight, dude. How much weight? 80 pounds. How much? 90? Good shit.
Starting point is 01:44:21 Five pounds. Oh yeah. He lost Joe List. It's crazy. I weigh like 165, 90, good shit. Five pounds. Oh yeah. He lost Joe list. It's crazy. I weigh like 165, but I'll probably fight at 158. I'll fight you. That is like a hype man. That's really light.
Starting point is 01:44:33 What do you six for? No, I'm like six two. Becky, what do you got? You can follow me on Instagram at human places. The E is a three. Yeah, very good. I enjoy your photography. We're too. It's amazing Yeah, and she also has a company that sells my merch. Oh great, which is remember to be happy dot com Oh, I might need it. What's that?
Starting point is 01:44:58 It's on my website too. What is it Michael? Like a W do dot com What does it Michael? Like a WD do dot com. Yeah, so we have an Chris, what do you got? You can follow me at not that chaining CHE anyway. Did you ever make that stuff I asked you to make? Yeah, I made a couple new things. Yeah, you're going to send it to me? Yeah, I do.
Starting point is 01:45:15 Do you want me to do you waiting for me to ask to send it? No, okay, just send it. I will. Fucking asshole. Hey, can you do this? Yeah, did you do it three weeks later? Yeah, I did. Well, can you send it? Yeah, did you do it three weeks later? Yeah, I did.
Starting point is 01:45:25 Well, can you send it? Okay. I'm a little busy, sorry, I'll catch up with you. Busy with what? I'm moving around, you know. Okay. Can you just bring it? Are you all right?
Starting point is 01:45:34 Yeah, I'm good. You just emailing it, right? Yeah. All right, you okay? I'm great. You sure? I'm doing awesome. Yeah?
Starting point is 01:45:42 Yeah, okay, good. Joe Liss, what do you got again? Committee in JoeLiss.com. Yeah. Okay. Good. Joe, this what do you got again? comedian Joe list.com has all my dates. I have a new podcast. I'm starting called mindful metal jacket. And it's a I would like to have some of you guys on it. I want to name names, but Bobby, Bobby and Mike, but and it's all about anxiety and panic disorder and then meditation and Buddhism and mindfulness.
Starting point is 01:46:05 And it's pretty good. I recorded a bunch of them and I'm excited about it. It'll be a different side of Joe list, you know. Huh? We can do that. Anyways, we have some big announcements coming up for the network. Not only is the studio being revamped to a new beautiful studio, we're also, when we have so much new technology behind the scenes of cameras, the mixing boards, everything is happening with this place. And we have new shows that are coming out
Starting point is 01:46:37 that we're very, very excited for. We're not announcing now. We have live shows we're gonna be doing. So we've got a lot of great stuff, great announcements coming out for this network, for this upcoming year. I'm very excited about. Michael, I'm so sorry about your dog.
Starting point is 01:46:53 Yeah, man. Jasmine. Jasper. Jasper. Jasper. Yeah, but we got you a puppy. Why? I'm kidding.
Starting point is 01:47:02 Oh, why? He said that like, why don't want that? It's finally rid of this responsibility of that bills and taking it out to shit when I went home. That's the first thing when my last dog died. The next day I woke up, I was like, I don't want to take the dog, I don't have to go out. There is a rainbow.
Starting point is 01:47:24 I think it's great that you seem very connected to your feelings and emotions right now and that's a positive. Because if it were me, dealing with what you're dealing with, which I've been dealing with some death, I would just go, I think I got a tooth, I think I got cancer, my hip hurt, I got some kind of kidney, you seem just sad
Starting point is 01:47:39 and you should allow yourself to be sad. Mike is a very vulnerable guy, that's why I love Mikey, where it's right there, all his pain is waiting to come out, either through his eyes or with a gunner underneath. Yeah. Well, it's gonna come out hot, the muscle of an A or 15. When I saw him commit suicide in a video game last week,
Starting point is 01:47:59 I knew there was something inside of him. Well, you're connected. That's good. It's on video. Him jumping off the foot. I mean, everybody was afraid you're connected. That's good. It's on video. I got to see him jumping off the foot. I mean, everybody was afraid, not Mike. I'm out.
Starting point is 01:48:09 See ya. Tell my dog I said bye. And I'm sorry about the dog, man. Well, thank you everyone last year who, and Joe, you, yeah, Mike dropped the ball on that one. Yeah, I wasn't here. Yeah, you don't even know, I guess you're yet. Yeah, you fucked up.
Starting point is 01:48:23 Yeah. Lewis, Sal was, you know Yeah, you don't even, I guess you're yet. No, you fucked up. Yeah. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,, good. Anything was great. Because of the fans, you guys are awesome. Thank you for doing that for mishmike. And are you gonna get another dog? Are you? I'm not right now. Probably not. Let me just.
Starting point is 01:48:53 I remember him. You want a fish? We'll make it your fish. No, I'm good. I'm good. You need anything. I love you, buddy. I'll thank you.
Starting point is 01:49:00 Yeah. Do you want a hug? I'll give you a hug later. I don't know if I'm off from one later. Okay. I'll give you a hug later. Oh, thank you. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:49:09 We're happy to have that way. I guess I'll give you a hug later. Okay. You're definitely going to be a good one later. Total. Hi, buddy. What are you up? Follow me at my Facebook.
Starting point is 01:49:17 It's the follow the podcast at YKWD podcast at Instagram. Yeah. See where Bob is going to be at Robert Kelly live. Do we have to do Ask Bobby this week? We should. Do you have it? I got to get Ask Bobby this week. Oh, you should. You have it? I gotta get it ready. Is it not ready?
Starting point is 01:49:28 No. Oh, you dog dives. You have an excuse. Yeah, it happened. This happens next week. I'll fucking murder you. So you'll be dead too. All right, so we're gonna.
Starting point is 01:49:36 But I just want to say that. No, I'm getting what? Losing a dog can be pretty rough. Hell yeah. Uh-huh. Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. Losing a dog can be pretty rough Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly you guys are the best fans of the world. Thanks for watching live Become a member right now if you want to watch this podcast live and get all the other contact Zach. What do you got? Zach, then you get yeah Robert Kelly live for all my day. She know where I'm gonna be. You guys are the best fans of the world.
Starting point is 01:50:05 We'll see you next week. Dad. Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, sh, shhh, sh, sh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh,

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