Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - His Cheese Went Bad
Episode Date: March 4, 2019Paul Virzi, Joe Machi and a surprise visit for fully clothed Ari Shaffer join Bobby to compare injuries, talk Captain Marvel and wet talking mishaps! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastcho...ices.com/adchoices
Transcript
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You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com.
Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth.
This is going to be a clash to fuck.
It's podcast.
It's no rules.
You're the mic asshole.
I'm sure I've already said should I record.
Can I get a mic or?
Oh, fuck the fuck.
That was trying to keep it like a comic.
I have a bunch of guys on what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic egg.
I have a bunch of guys on.
It's just us sitting down and yapping sometimes
it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10-no-topics, no directions.
I love doing it.
Play both sides of the coin.
That's how it all holds.
That's your mother part.
I don't want to do anything.
My podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life.
You never know.
It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com.
Right there, we got that one.
You got one on Donny's app.
There's a lot of stuff.
I'm going to get it.
I'm going to get it.
I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. Right there, we got that one.
You got one on Doni's app?
Is it on? Where is it?
Come over here.
Look at these, look at that.
Right there, we are the dudes.
You want one?
You want one?
Well, you can have one. If you're a fan of the, you know what?
Dude podcast. Thank you. And this one, that's a pocket T. We're starting this podcast off right now.
We got new t-shirts. We got new cameras. We have great guests. One just showed up with Rosie cheeks
One just showed up with Rosie cheeks from running, probably from a shittier club. I'm going to tell you that he just can't let go of.
Hi Sam, catch your breath, but not in the microphone because it bugs people.
Where's my headphones?
You motherfuckers.
I can't reach them.
I got them.
I got them.
I'm a man.
Anyways, you know, you know, when you take your headphones off and you talk
and you can't hear yourself, you really lose confidence.
That sounds like, I guess I hear what they're hearing. That again, I'll slice you up. I, uh,
I'm fucking God. Why weren't you bullied more? Anyways, we got a great show tonight. I'm
very excited to be back. YKWD and we have, I mean, of course, one of my favorite people in the world.
Bobby. Yeah, I mean you too. Joe Mackie. Thank you. He's here. He is one of how
arrogance Paul Berkversy definitely has for him. No way. I can't believe this.
Just like, all right, sorry, jump to gun. You get one one special you think you're his favorite you arrogant son of a bitch
I right you're right
But he's literally one small bobby
You were also looking me dead in my eyes
Wow, I mean I had a focal point over looking while I'm complimenting someone looking in their eyes
That's uncomfortable for mr. Mackey. Oh Bobby.
You said oh Bobby like you were about to kiss me or something. Oh Bobby.
Oh Bobby. Um, and of course, of course, my way really Joe, I like you a lot.
Thanks. But I love Paul Versey. Oh, thanks. I like you a lot. I'll take that.
You made eye contact that I like you a lot. I appreciate take that I mean, I contact that I like you a lot and I appreciate it. I mean, I love both you one better now than definitely
I mean, we all know who that is listen the day is now verzy's here
And verzy was sick
Yeah, I mean, not you. I mean, let's listen. I'll be honest if it was anybody else
Yeah, I would have been like look. I'm a little under the weather. I'm not going to make the show. Right. But it's Bobby Kelly.
I love Bobby. And I was like, you know what? I can, you know, take a little medicine rest.
You know, I'm not, it's not crazy sick. But it's, you know, yeah. If I, if it was anybody
else, so you did the podcast sick, you're a real hero for me. You arrogant son of a bitch. I should have, my ribs hurt, I shouldn't have necked.
Maggie makes me giggle.
You too, I was going to be a bad one for my ribs, because you do fuck her.
I've been gotten for this bastard for quite some time.
I've been looking my chops all day.
I'm pretty good.
Where is he going down?
I can't tell.
Sometimes I look at Maggie and I'm like, is he a 2019 man or 16th century woman?
I don't know.
Those cheeks are rosy, son.
That's the nicest thing anyone sent about my appearance for a long time.
So I'll take it.
Those 16th century women were rugged.
They were tough.
You're doing, if you look, bring up, bring up up like the bring up like 18, 18, 60 good
evening. We're just bring up 18, 60 women. It's so macchi. They all look like Joe, bring
up, bring up at some time today. If we have internet, is the internet working? No, no,
no, no, no, oh, God God, we're gonna get that keyboard.
Anyways, you got nice cheeks.
You got a high cheekbone and a defined nose.
Thanks, man, with thin lips.
Very Puritan, athletic build.
Wow, it's not good, Karen.
Yeah, I mean, you do.
You have Robin Williams body 1987. No?
All right.
Bob Kelly, nice to meet you.
Robin Williams is in shape.
Yeah, I thought I was least going to get world according to Garport Robin Williams.
You know what?
I wasn't bad.
I'll give you that.
You're right.
It should have been.
It was, it was a, what are you doing?
I, you know, fix it on camera.
Can you at least hide our problems?
Just pull them and keep them without a bottom for the battery.
Cock's sucker. I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got Can you at least hide our problems? Just pull them and keep them without a bottom for the battery. Cocksucker.
The gas original, we have keyboards with bottoms.
Anyways, yeah, you were sick, dude.
But here's the deal.
If you're anybody else, I would have just been like, fuck him.
Oh, yeah, you were just, yeah.
No, I don't know.
Oh, yeah, you do.
I know you, Bobby.
I don't know.
He would have been like, all right, dude.
And then he would have done so you would have said to back,
you know, I'm fucking sick and tired of that fucking ass.
You don't book him anymore.
You would have told Gabby.
It would have been a big thing.
You hold grudges.
Are you?
Not anymore.
Not as much.
Okay.
All right.
Not as much.
I used to hold grudges.
I can't hold a grudge because I'm a people pleaser.
So I have empathy and I like the people please. So I can't hold a grudge as I'm a people pleaser. So I have empathy and I like the people please.
So I can't hold a grudge as long as I would want to.
Because I'm like, you know, I'm worried about if somebody likes me.
Right.
Which sucks.
I love people.
Gary Goman will, he has a list.
That motherfucker has a list.
A list of what?
Of people that you ain't getting back in.
Oh, vendettis. Oh, vendettis.
Oh, vendettis.
Niktipalo list.
You're on a list.
I mean, I don't have that ability.
You guys don't have lists?
I, no, I, not of people that I'll never talk to again.
Do you?
No, me either.
Do you really?
No.
You make a mental note.
Make a mental note.
But yes, you can people please and have a Van Daddy.
You just do it behind their back.
They don't need to know.
What do you mean?
Right.
You don't need to know I'm gonna crush them
as soon as the opportunity you're right.
Like Paul Versey.
Yeah.
No, it's true though.
You make a comics keep a mental note
and they're just like, okay.
Yeah, I am.
Can I have my Pellegrino?
I'm so, I'm so, so, I do it.
I found out one of my ribs is broken. They I went to that fucking woods hospital up in fucking wherever the fuck
It was in the woods with the drop ceiling and the ceiling fan used to be a Denny's and now it's an emergency room
and
They told me I I didn't see anything
But I'm like I'm a such pain the other day it. It went away and then it came back full for a Sunday,
Sunday and Monday.
It was unbearable, unfuck, it couldn't sleep.
And then I went back to the doctor's day.
It was again, you broke what are your ribs?
You fractured what are your ribs?
Was it the same hospital?
No, you fucking moron.
What do you think I'm stupid?
Yeah, I drove back up to the fucking woods.
Hey, are you guys suck the first time?
Wanna do it again?
No, I went to a better hospital today.
I think you're stupid.
Just a little fun.
I don't think you're stupid.
I went to a real doctor today.
Right.
You know, I like him.
Can I just say this?
Can I be sexist? I'm sorry, Becky. Can I be, I like a a real doctor today. Right. You know, I like, can I just say this? Can I be sexist?
I'm sorry Becky.
Can I be, I like a man doctor.
I like a guy doctor.
I don't want a woman doctor.
I want to look at a group shot.
I think if you ask if you can be sexist,
it's okay to be sexist.
Yeah, but you can't do the racism.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There we disagree.
You can't be like, hey, you Jewish, you might as well be racist.
The nice nose.
I don't like it's true because I don't like when people judge you when you say what
sex you want because I go to massage is once a month and then
be like, all right, I'm not a man.
I'm a man. I'm a man.
No, no, but you know, if you, if you get a massage, right?
No, never.
No, no, you never get a massage.
Nope.
You Joe.
No, I'm not a massage guy. Oh, shit. I never back you get a massage.
Like one sir twice. You know that microphone moves. You don't have to move you. What do you eat soup like that?
Two?
Nothing. I'm fucking you guys are really.
What are you doing? I mean, what are you doing? What do you get mad for?
Becky?
She fucking throwing her phone at me.
Why does he feel like construction's gone on in here?
We were changing everything.
What happened to all the deal doughs?
Not that I'm wondering.
There used to be a whole bunch of deal doughs here.
Oh, we're wondering too, Maggie.
Oh, I have to hate them.
I saw Sam in a year with a suitcase.
Sam, Sam Moriel, comedian, and single Moriel.
He actually in a suitcase, and Moriel, comedian, Sam Moriel. He actually in a suitcase and he cut out foam
so he could put the Dildos perfectly in like a trophy.
The Dildos we can't show them on TV.
Oh, so we put them down, but we're changing the whole studio.
We got new cameras, we got new sound,
we got new everything.
We're gonna be having a new page job.
We're gonna be taking over this whole area. We have we're gonna be taking over this whole area
We're gonna have a new table. We have a lot of stuff going on
So by the summer this will be a brand new studio a lot brighter in here
And we have some big announcements to make with riot cast keyboards internet
What the keyboards need? We're gonna fix those. Yeah, we're actually fixing those next week you cocks
But you know, you as one of the shows on the network
We are going to have a big announcement to make that you will be very pleased with I'm looking forward to this announcement
Yes, I'm also kind of troubled. I have no idea what it's about. Well, you shouldn't because you're not in the inner workings
That's true. I'm usually yeah, you're not in the inner workings. I'm in the inner workings
Wow, it's a lot
Real verzy, that guy. Anyway, speaking of these massages,
are you talking about hand job places?
No, no, no, I'm talking about a legit,
you go to like, there's a place in like,
elements or like real places,
but they'll say, do you want a male or a female?
And it's like, I've always had a female do it. Because look, the lights are down. There's like, there
is like music and shit. There's like oils and stuff. And they like, and I was just like,
so for the first time I did it. I'm just saying like the first time I did it, it was a woman.
And I was like, oh, that's kind of nice. So then the next time I was like, you know, we
have what's his Gabriel, if you want an appointment now.
And it's always like that name.
You know, it's wings.
Yeah.
He flies it.
Yeah.
You know, it was like fucking Henry with fucking meat looks.
Yeah.
So I really get into your shoulder.
He's a math teacher money through Friday, Friday, the Saturday and Sunday.
He does he does spa treatments at envy.
Yeah.
She goes like this. That's good to worry, I know.
Yeah, yeah, I tapped out.
I know everybody taps out, okay.
No, he was like, he's really good.
That's what they did.
He's really good just so you know, I know you,
I know you've had, you know, Lisa before,
but he's really good and I go,
no, I'm good, I'm good, I'll wait for.
Can I say?
I kind of look at you like, oh, it's like,
well, I'll tell you, you're,
I've had male masseuses way better., well, I'll tell you, you're, I've had male masseuses way
better way better. I'll tell you why. Number one, they know your body more. And then I
had to rub that cock. I'm kidding. They were there. They're, they're, they're, they're
stronger. So if you're looking for a soothing massage, that's different.
We're talking about deep tissue, you're talking about getting in there. I mean, this guy
literally stuck his hand in my armpit and reached under the muscle and relieved something
that was tied up in under the muscle. I mean, he, excuse me, that was disgusting.
But yeah, I've gotten a massage. I used to have a masseuse named Bill.
Yeah, guy.
What?
He was gay.
My wife worked with him, knew him.
She said, listen, I came back from a trip
and my, I was messed up bad.
My back was messed up.
And she goes, you're going to see Bill.
And she's like, I'm like, who's Bill?
And she's like, he's my friend, he's gay.
I'm just like, you know, he's gay,
because I know how you are.
You're gonna try to fuck him, no.
You're queen.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
But, no, he said, yeah, he said Bill,
and I went down, he wanted nothing to do with me.
It was really bad.
Because I was like, yeah, I took my shirt off,
and I'm like, you want me to take my pants off?
He said, no.
I go, you sure you want me to, you know, you, I love how you are like, yeah, I took my shirt off and I'm like, you want me to take my pants off? He said no. I Go you sure you want me to
You know, you I love how you are like
Come on, hey, he goes where's the pain? I go it's up in the shoulder
He goes why didn't you take your pants off a guy? It's a relax. Yes, you just wonder maybe you know
There's everything's connected. I thought everything was connected. Maybe he does the whole body anyway
Yeah, no, he didn't
Yeah, I want to do it my body
He wanted just the do with my body.
He wanted just the parts that he needed to work on.
You're the only guy in the game assumes,
because now get the pants on.
Yeah.
I kept sticking my button the air.
You can push it down.
Sissy boy, put your butt down.
Um, but yeah, he got it.
He got into my back, Verzy.
Like I've never had anybody.
And if you go to any sport, go to football.
Any base, it's a guy.
You can't get in there.
You need a fucking man with muscles
to get into your back and fix it.
You can't have, I mean, look.
I had a fat girl.
No, one time I-
She's Christ.
No, I, uh,
I'm a fucker.
Not a fat girl, but
what is it? Fatty not fat. I didn't mean a fat girl, but she
was a big, she's a fat girl.
No, she was actually one of those like, I, I used to belong to Equinox, right?
A long time ago.
And, and they were like, it part of the membership would be you could get one massage per
month.
She goes, do you want a deep tissue?
And she dug her elbow in and she was kind of heavy.
And she just like, when I was like, she got
in there.
Yeah, because she was a big, big girl.
So yeah, I'm telling you, I get, if there's a guy, now look, I've gone to places a couple
of times.
One time I looked down through the peak hole there where your face is and I saw an old
Chinese guy's foot and women's flip flops, like hanging over the flip flops.
And I looked up and he goes, we were, like hanging over the flip flops. And I looked
up and he goes, we were busy. I was like, all right. I feel no, I was freaking out, see
yourself. I'm fucking weird. But and I've gotten it from an older, like an older dude was
at like one of these spa places. And he, he just, he was almost too gentle. He didn't
have it. But Bill was the shit. Bill, he went to Harvard for a natimate.
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah.
No, he went to Harvard.
I was going to be in Chelsea.
Yeah, no, he, uh,
let's go.
He took a different turn.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You mentioned graduating Harvard and then you fucking
just rubbing dudes down.
I don't think there's really a degree in anatomy though.
No, we know all the anatomy.
No, he had a degree.
He, yeah, look it up.
He went to Harvard for something.
Oh, let me call my wife.
Don't see a sign.
Well, I don't know.
I've been known as Spiny Arn.
I was just keeping it on us.
Well, I mean, what the fuck?
It's a podcast.
I'm not fucking, you know, the news networks.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I had a fact checker.
Heck, I just liked it.
I liked it when people cracked other people.
Of course you do.
Why wouldn't you?
You're from the 1860s.
There's my hand up there.
Pilgrim's double class.
Yeah. Is it? Yeah, I think you know, I think he got an army degree, right?
Human anatomy program at Harvard, right there.
That might be a certificate, but shut up.
I don't care.
All right, so he took anatomy at Harvard, okay?
And he got another degree.
He's a lawyer.
All right, fine, fine.
He's a lawyer.
Bill sounds made up.
That's all I'm saying. You fuck fucks like that.
I'm gonna call my wife.
Yeah, dude.
But here's the thing, now, they get this whole Robert Kraft thing.
Robert, she's ridiculous.
Why do you think he's ridiculous?
I wanna ask, what do you mean?
I know why, let me just ask Mackie.
You know what happened with Robert Kraft?
Yes, he is alleged to have visited a lady of the night.
What do you, how do you feel about these?
Not a lady of the night.
He went to a massage place, these Asian massage places.
Right.
They have them everywhere.
She's down in Florida, massage.
You go in, 60, 40 dollars, whatever, get a massage,
and they will masturbate you or play with your bottle
of your balls.
And, you know, sometimes do other things, but most of the time it's just a hand job.
Am I correct?
I've read pamphlets that that's accurate, but, you know, I don't, I would never do that
myself, but I do think it should be legal just because one, you can't prohibit any kind of, any kind of physical thing that
makes people feel good because they're just going to do it anyway.
Literally against a lot of touching other person while you're massaging them.
Yeah, and they don't teach that at Harvard, massage school, sexual trafficking and all that.
It just seems to me like why isn't it, isn't legal, but sex or trafficking is legal? No, no, no, no prostitution of
So what are you saying that you should be able to traffic human? No, I'm saying prostitution
Pissue illegal stop trying to twist my words around hey, you want fact check in. I'm just trying to make sure the fact
Well, well, well, well the battle been joined. Somebody woke up, Robert Kelly, everybody.
I mean, you think it's fine, right? No, what I'm saying is he's a 77 year old man. His wife died
eight years ago. I love he gets. He turns into craft lawyer. I'm saying, no, I'm not saying that.
What I am saying, though, I'm not saying that, but I am saying that right now. I'm saying he's a 77 year old man who frequents the spa, right?
He frequents the spa.
And he's, and the lady, I guess, was given the massage and was like, here's where he went
wrong.
She went like, for an extra, they got him on camera, like do this for an extra, like he
paid for an extra, like an act.
And that's, you can say it.
What?
You can say allegedly, What do you mean?
Well, say what he did.
What do you pay for?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know if it was a hand job or a blow job or whatever.
I'm assuming it was a handy to finish them off, right?
Because that's what they do with massage parlors.
I don't know.
You tell me why I've heard.
I've heard.
You saw that six minutes two.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Sixty minutes at home right now.
I hate you.
Listen. What? I'm here. I have headphones on. Listen, I'm listening.
If I'm trying to listen to my friend square mile of this.
No, I just feel bad for the guy. It's like a whole big blown up thing with his
whole fan base and New England. And how do we tell ESPN was going? How do we tell
the kids that the owner is like, what? How do you tell the kids a 70, 70 year old fucking one?
He's telling to fall his dad's on Saturday.
Good for him.
77 though.
77.
Yeah, it's wife died eight years ago.
He's a fucking six trophy.
He's, I do think if it was a player, the NFL would do some disciplines on that.
And that was back.
He's getting to get disciplined.
He's gonna, he's gonna, they're gonna, they gonna, they could get, like the commission could suspend him.
What does that mean?
He'll watch the games from his fucking mansion.
Oh, they got him, dude.
And people are saying, you know, L. Presidento from, from Barstill is saying that it's a
good deal.
It's the league that they got him.
Oh, they're the ones who fucking, they wanted to get him.
They say, well,
he say, I mean, I can't, you can't, that'd be such an elaborate fucking plan. Yeah.
But, you know, they'd have to know that he's going there. But, but if you got the footage,
see, here's the thing, do people talk? You know how many players? Somebody probably,
I'm sure somebody to get Del that, hey, Kraft likes to go down there. And when he's in Florida,
he likes to go to a fucking Asian rub and tug. I'm sure that that's common knowledge. How about this? How about this?
You're Gidell. Yeah, I'm a FBI guy. Hey, you know, we just got your pal. Who? We got your pal.
Graphically we're acting right now. Okay. You're just Gidell. You don't know what's going on. Okay.
What's up, buddy? How you doing? Good. How are you? I'm good. How you doing? Gidell?
Oh, well, you just said how are you? I mean, let me say my name. Give me a name.
Well, I don't know your name. What's your name?
George friends of mine. I'm a friend. I'm a bill.
FBI. You're a George.
I'm what you call me Bill. You're Bill. All right. I'm Bill.
All right. Hey, Bill. All right. What's that? Hey, what's up?
What's up? What's up? Good. Tell me. Good.
I'm about as anatomy degree.
So I'm not building more.
I don't want people to know.
When you stop giving me sizes.
You speak here.
Oh, is that the way you're playing?
Oh, yeah.
Is that the way you're playing?
Oh, yeah.
No, you little motherfucker, man.
Who's that?
Okay, so here's the deal.
Okay, so let's do it.
Okay, um, Hey, what's going on, Bill?
What's up, buddy? How are you?
Good, good. What's going on?
You know, we, uh, we got your friend.
What do you mean, what friend?
Yeah, buddy, we got him on tape, uh, actually getting the,
we have a sting operation, one of these local massage places
down there in Miami. Yeah.
And we got your friend, uh, craft going in there,
not once, twice, paying for, paying for hand jobs and sex.
Why are you sure?
I am not fucking kidding you.
It's Robert Crafty pulled up in a fucking goddamn Bentley.
Bentley, thank you.
Yeah, it was a great one.
How do you know?
No, because that's the way when he goes to Florida, he likes to
great Bentley.
Really?
Robert was the one there.
Yeah.
What do you think we should do?
Are you sure?
Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, there he Yeah. What do you think we should do? Are you sure? Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh, there he is.
What's up, dude?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, you.
You're hurt too, baby.
Oh, yeah.
Man, look at that.
That's way worse than mine.
Yeah, well, I was doing a man sport.
Can you zoom out and get everybody a man sport?
What the fuck is a man sport? What happened, dude? A skin, a was doing a man sport. Can you zoom out and get everybody a man sport? What the fuck is a man?
What happened, dude?
A skin, a little bit, a little bit of metal sport.
Did they have Bob saying this here?
Or did they do it with?
It's not Bob saying he's just doing it.
We're gonna do it with diamond.
You want to do it with a big one?
Triple diamond, do you want to?
No, I'll just race him.
Like a fucking idiot.
How are you guys doing?
What are you promoting?
Who's promoting what?
No, I'm just talking about Robert Crapp.
I'm trying to do what I've seen. he, I don't understand how he's not getting the highest level hooker he could possibly
get. I think he does. The $1,000. Shut your fucking mouth hooker. I think he does that as well.
And then it was just like, if I got 10 minutes to kill, he's like on Florida. Yeah. But when you have
everything, you have six rings. What else is there? You you go backwards? He was in Florida. He's in Florida. Okay, so he's not around his normal stuff. Right. He's not around his normal
stuff. He's gonna go in real quick. Get a massage and someone's gonna jerk him off. Get a quick
handy. Not the worst thing a Patriots done. True. True. I'll talk about that when Aaron Hernandez is still unburied.
You see?
He's still hanging.
They never cut him down.
Haven't you?
Stop.
I'm just kidding him.
If you're fucking hurt and he was acting, he's nice.
No.
Oh, I said true.
Yeah, you're just a true fucking saiyard.
How are you guys doing?
What's up, Verza?
I know, man.
I'm so glad you're back.
You're back. Yeah. We're just talking about your backyard yesterday. Oh nice.
Greatness for some. We're doing it. Yeah. Yankee suit coming back. We got to do that again. What the fuck is that? What?
Opening days of fucking day game weekday day game. We should do that Thursday. One of fucking. Oh, are he hosting the podcast now?
So I'm just looking at the whole thing. I already found out you know what dude. I found out it's me. I'm up. Beat it.
I already found out you know what dude I found out it's me I'm up beat it
If you took over this podcast
One is 10%
Max I just be home right now fucking playing Minecraft with Max on fucking I
Harri's life is just like you just come and go as he like he could just fucking be like because he has because he's not connected to a fucking another person.
How are you yelling at me? I'm just fucking saying the guys got enough.
I'm yelling at me. That's what I'm doing. Wait, is he still real?
Are you doing a build saying they're getting hooker with rubber crafts?
No, I was built a character.
I was building FBI guy. He was good.
And I was I we were good friends
They were all playing again, and I came in and thank God you came in because Versa was at a standstill
No, it wasn't I did I buddy. I said you go. Yeah, did he even know what to do?
What do you want me to do? You're supposed to conspiracy. Oh, you want me to go? We're gonna fuck him. Yes
This is the flip date and the tapes
There is there speculation that Gidele.
I watch it as a batch.
Watch it, watch our scenario.
He's Gidele.
I'm Bill FBI guy, very good friend with him.
Who's Mackie?
Mackie's just, he's a sarcastic bystander.
He's a second, he's a, he's Gidele secretary.
Okay.
Hey, what's up, Gladys, how are you?
I'm good. How are you, Bill?
Ha, ha, ha, ha Gladys, how are you? I'm good, how are you Bill? Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
How's the anatomy degree?
I actually heard your ribs and 50% of doctors
don't think it even happened.
What a great sister.
You know, she's sassy, huh?
Get down, you still got that fucking cut around.
Thank you for around for the last time.
I got so much dirt on you. Yeah, she's got it's dead.
She knows too much.
So listen, I got evidence on your friend, buddy.
Which friend, were you talking about?
Your friend was down in Miami and we popped a couple of these sex traffic massage piles
and rob a craft.
Not once but twice.
We got them on tape.
Paying.
No, you don't.
I got it, check this out.
You got 77 year old Robert Kraft.
I got the video up.
Look at the video, you got to go wow.
All right, what?
Well, you got, I'm looking.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, cut in here.
Cut. Who are you good at, verse?
He's good now.
You're Robert Gidell.
Who are you?
I'm Bill, the FBI guy who spreads what you get down.
I'm black.
You can't, hold on, you can't see.
The sassy, single buddy, look at this.
I'm directing too. I'm like fucking, I'm glad it's you can't hold on it. You can't say it's an angle buddy. Look at this. I'm directing too. I'm like fucking
I'm directing
Action. He's my ID
Hey, look at this right here. Oh boy. What about that? That's him. Is that him? Yeah, that is at his rose Royce
Yeah, that's him and look what he's doing look what he's doing
How do you know that's his rose Royce? What are these one of the kind of rolls Royce? That's his rose Royce when Yeah, that's him. And look what he's doing. Look what he's doing. How do you know that's his role's Royce? What are the kids one of the kind roles Royce? That's his
role's Royce when he's in Florida. We've heard. Oh, we've, you know, Trump pent bumper
stinger. I'm the fuck. Okay. Yeah. Six rings a pound. Yeah. Yeah. To seven women. Ha,
ha. Um, he we got him. What do you, I mean, I mean, it's crazy. They're gonna, well,
they're gonna bring up the trying to shut down all the sex trafficking stuff.
So we got this thing operation.
We bagged them twice.
What?
Hey, oh my god.
I'm like, I'm like thinking like, as is like, I'm like, do you think a delse?
You're on the piece of shit.
No, no, no.
Like, let's if you tell, has more cat this guy murdered.
Let's pass.
Cause he showed the information to anyone. Thank you. All right, you be Gidell. You be the idiot. No's class. Yeah. Let's class.
Yeah.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class.
Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let's class. Let They said I was actually hey, hey, good. How you doing buddy Roger? What's your name?
I'm Bill nice to meet your bill. I know we know each other
This is why none of you are on TV. That's why he sent me to get down we know it's a long time. I said Roger
You're Roger get down. I'm fine. I call you get down. I don't prepare for auditions. That's why I'm not on TV
Yeah, what's up? Hey, what's up, Bill Boff?
Bill Boff, back in.
Bill, but a long time.
Don't call.
You know, I don't like that.
I know, Billy.
I don't like, don't call me Billy either.
Billy Boff.
All right, whatever.
Listen, I want to let you know.
Yeah.
We're doing a sting operation.
Fuck goose.
What's going on?
I'm calling me for goose.
Okay. I don't like the for goose. All right, it's all right, Bill Boff's going on? Call me for goose. Okay.
I don't like the Faguse.
That was one time that that happened.
Okay.
Now, I got it.
We're doing a sting operation.
Dan and Miami on these.
I love hearing about your sting operations.
Wait to hear about this one.
Yeah.
Okay.
Who's that right there?
Who's that?
Who is that?
That's a good buddy, Mark.
Yeah.
Robert Kraft.
Bang.
Twice. We nailed him. What we nailed them
twice. What? Yeah. Getting hand jobs paying for sex. Oh my God. At an Asian massage point.
We're going to cut and we're going to cut back in. Smell. Yes. Not how to. Smell.
Give me. Sorry. I had to do that, Bill, but I can't have that information get out. There you go. What's a loyal friend? Sorry. I
But I have it on a really hard drive
That was just my phone. I don't have it. That's not the only copy of moron
It's at the FBI off in Langley. Oh, I didn't think well first of all, I like to apologize to your phone
Second of all, yes, Gladys, I need to jump in here, I think that's happy because I am in trouble.
I watch that video both times.
What do you think he's doing on this?
Let me see the phone.
This is what you should do.
I'm going to be Gidell.
You, you be Billy.
You should have been Gidell the whole time
because everybody just has it wrong in your mind.
Yeah, well, loyal good guys.
When did I did that?
We would the fucking podcast.
Who's the screenwriter?
The screenwriter.
You already have them dead to rights.
What's he gonna do?
You should have Marlon Brando over there.
Just tell him.
This is how your character should talk.
You're gonna get fired.
Glad about him.
You're gonna be back at the fucking village.
I would love to see you fire me. You're gonna be back at the fucking village. I would love to see you fire me.
You're gonna go back to the sister school.
I can't demo you.
So here we go.
You're your, you're his partner.
Roger.
No, you're Michael.
Michael.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
Can I be Roger good now?
Hi, you, you be glad.
You be glad.
I'm glad he's glad.
I'm glad. I'm glad. He plays it great. There's no reason for a place where it's working. You'd be glad to see you. You'd be glad to see you. You'd be glad to see you.
I'm glad he's glad.
I'm glad to see you.
John.
He plays it, Greg. There's no reason we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where we're a place where Yeah I'm sorry I don't know that sound like a gladis
You don't expect women if you have a
Gladis
I'm gladis is a
Busy husband
Sam
That's
It is hard
You're gonna replace
Okay, here we go. You ready? You're gonna replace Glattis. Oh. Okay.
Here we go.
You ready?
You're Gladys.
You're Michael.
You're Mike, his partner, friends.
I don't know you, but I know him.
We've known him for a long time.
I've met you before that.
I got you in a couple of games.
Okay.
Okay.
Gladys, let him in.
Who's this?
Because I've never seen this guy before.
That's his partner. That's your partner, Mike.
Yeah, he's my partner.
All right, hands off the merchandise, Mike.
I'm glad it's some sassy.
I say something like that all the time.
So we deal.
Let's cut.
Let's cut him, man.
I like that, add that, but, you know,
that's so fun.
All right, here we go.
All right, can we have an action, please?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Action.
I'm glad it's for her.
Oh, I'm fucking going first.
She's in my office. I let you in.
You let us in a way. I'm in the waiting room with Glatt.
You're in the waiting room, but you're in a waiting room.
I hear you. Okay. You're in the waiting room.
We're going to start with you guys convincing with each other.
Okay. I'm going to go to Gladys at one point, go Gladys,
let him in. Then she's going to talk to you for a second.
And then you're going to come in. Okay. Okay.
Okay. No action.
I'm sure we're talking. I don't know.
You get a yell action. Then you do the talk. Okay. Okay. Okay. No action action. So we're talking. I don't know. You
could have yelled action. Then you do the talk. Okay. Who's you?
I'll be honest. I'll yeah. All right. And speed sound action. I don't think he's going
to believe this. Listen, here's the deal. Yeah. He's probably not going to. We're going
to show in this evidence. Uh huh. When I give you the signal, I want you to be bad cop.
I've done this guy a long time. Okay. Wait for the signal. Okay. Then jump in as hard as you fucking can.
God, I got it. Okay. You never told him to signal that all.
God.
With friends.
He scared me for
where it gets fucking Robert Krav.
A second ago he was going to be gladdest now. He's bad cop.
What the fucking you never gave him the sign.
He's gonna go in there.
I go, I got the sign.
No, I'll know.
Let's do it one more time, right?
Speed, sound.
Roll, action.
I don't think he's gonna know.
I don't think he's gonna believe this.
He might not.
Listen, you can scale into it.
I know this guy a long time.
Okay.
I've seen him cry over a spilled burgers.
Okay.
Okay, when I give you the signal,
you go hard, bad cop.
Okay.
Gladys, uh, sentiment, please go hard, bad cop. Okay.
Gladys, uh, sentiment, please. I sugar what happened to your arm? I, uh, I went skiing, you know, rich people shit. Oh, that's a man sport, not like tubing. No, it's not like tubing.
Fuckin' what? Yeah, I was your child. Your child, I can see it. Yeah, my hands are about to
get flooded. Yeah. What in China puts you in break break his way. I said Gladys, send them in Gladys.
Time for them to come in Gladys.
Gladys, send them in Gladys.
They're in now.
Hey, what's up?
Hey, what's up?
It's an honor, buddy.
Hi, buddy.
How are you?
There's my friend Mike.
Hey, Michael, nice to see you again.
We met in that one time when you guys were playing the bangles.
You let me and my family.
Thank you for that.
We appreciate it.
Yeah. Oh, great. You're at a good time. It's a Yeah, I was good. Awesome. Thanks to coming. Wait the bangles are the bangles
Glad is good. Get the fuck out of the office
Go back to the top. I put listen Michael Michael right? Yeah, I apologize. She's a little sassy
She's a yeah, she's like father secretary. We keep her around. You know what I mean? Yeah.
We're waiting for her to die.
But if it looks like it's not happening.
Man, how are the ratings this year?
Boris, who?
I know it wasn't your fault.
All right, hang on one second now.
It was a boring show.
Well, those cock suckin' patriots, those motherfuckers, again, we've done all we can.
We caught them cheating.
We caught them with the ball.
I mean, there's nothing we could do.
Wait a minute, Roger. Did you just... Roger, all right? Oh, yeah, I just leaned up on it for now. Oh, wow
We're really questioning that skiing huh?
This wasn't worth it. Oh, it was skiing worth it
Did it hurt you tried tubing you're not gonna hurt yourself doing that
Glad as I said get the fuck out of my office
Gladys, I said, get the fuck out of my office. That's it, man.
Shut the door.
Sorry, sir.
I got some news you might like.
What?
Well, your nemesis here, when all these two balls, no, not Mike, Mike's my buddy.
Okay.
The Patriots.
Yeah, those cock-suckers.
Oh, God, Brady, fuck it.
Well, I got some dirt on one of them.
Something happened in Florida.
What?
What do you mean something?
Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop.
Gladys, I said, get the fuck out of here. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you mean something? Wait a minute, stop, stop. Gladys, I said get the fuck out of here.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you talking about? I was in.
I was in.
I loved it.
She's my bad with the fucking awesome.
That was fucking awesome.
Why the fuck would you know?
You insecure actors.
You're director and actors.
You see the body?
Did I say cut?
No.
Then you don't fucking cut.
Dude, that was fucking epic.
Guys, can we please when bad?
Can we fucking?
All right, what's going action? What's going on? Well something happening Florida? Are you talking over?
I thought you were starting over
What's that?
Yeah, okay, okay. I was talking about it cut and speed mark up action
Yeah, well something went down, or you buddy in Florida.
What happened in Florida?
What's going on?
Your buddy Robert.
Yeah.
Let's just say the cheese went bad.
His cheese or the cheese?
Let's do the his cheese, we're better.
I mean, now you're overthinking it, but.
The cheese, no, I think it's the cheese.
No, his cheese.
No, but the whole brand is craft, he's right.
But his cheese, which is craft went back
Why are you nitpicking this part of the fucking directive? Oh wait, wait, wait, does he also own craft macaroni and stuff?
That's you all craft is his oh, okay, you're right. Don't do it. I was his
Thank you. Thank you. Wait, I'm fucking my getting question is
Because this isn't a part of the scene that we're trying to get to yeah, but he's am I right or am I wrong? No, you're right
I'll take it all it's all, it's his cheese.
I didn't realize it was all his cheese.
Not that cheese, that cheese could be any cheese
on a fucking table.
It's still a funny line and you're, okay, go ahead.
It's a better line when he goes to his cheese, my bad.
Okay, okay.
Trust me on this.
We can shoot it both ways.
Okay, shoot it, but we already have one on the can.
Okay.
Okay.
Action.
Yeah, some shit went down in Florida with your boy.
What do you mean?
What are you talking about?
Oh, Robert.
Yeah, let's just say his cheese went bad.
What happened?
Connum with some hookers.
What?
Yeah.
What are you gonna talk about hookers?
You all get hookers.
I got hookers.
Sure, in Boston.
Yeah.
Sure, where you live in New York or Connecticut or wherever you are.
Yeah.
But we're not talking about that. We're talking about Florida
He's on vacation. Guess what we got surveillance footage
Who's that little what is he?
The massage Paul? That's a massage brother. That's a woman and that's a man. That's a Thai man. He paid two times and solicited
Sex actually is at a spot in Florida that he frequents. Can't spell two times without tie.
You said, wait a minute, listen to me, like Mike, Billy,
Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, listen to what he's saying.
I'm listening to what he's saying, Michael.
Go ahead, talk to me.
This is the chance you've wanted.
I'm saying this.
Yeah.
He's at a massage party.
You're saying that's a tie boy.
It's a tie boy. That's a man
Oh breaking news on the you know what you podcast absolutely. He Robert Kraft was with a man boy. That's right a lady boy lady boy
They prefer to play a lady boy. Yeah, try to keep it out of you know, you don't apply skin to this point is he committed a crime
Roger and we have it a kind of why is it a crime of law where in which you're not a higher hookers to count you off two counts
We got to come. Yeah, but what are the counts? I don't know why you're so hung up on the male thing when it should be
I mean the reality I totally but with you
Yeah, I don't know you're stuck to the home of
Do it
We're telling you we had to a two-on-direction occurs and you're just worried about the man
I'm fine with the man thing I'm just why do you keep mentioning it? It's just two hookers because it seems outrageous that Rob McGrath will go with the lady boy.
I just I didn't know the hell. I guess you don't think of that. We just think it turns
the law or not the law. It's 2019 Roger. Jesus Christ, bro. Guys, guys, guys, this is why
no one's watching football anymore. This attitude. Guys, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm nail this motherfucker. Yeah. Can we do it? What are you going to get them on? We're
getting the same shit they got that guy
who punched that chicken the elevator.
What?
Six games.
That's a misdemeanor.
But we don't know what we're doing.
That's not done.
How about this?
Yeah.
But those things are sex trafficking.
That's a slave.
Those are modern day slaves.
You want to?
Did you have a, asked a kusha, said it.
That slavery.
Those girls are shipped in and containers
and forced to do that.
He's part of the problem. He is, is, is, wouldn't we also have to look into what you're doing here at
the NFL?
Listen, what's going to be a gratis?
Get out of the fucking rope.
I know I said I wouldn't talk, but I think Roger could tell is really over acting here.
How dare you?
How dare you?
You know what?
You're fired.
You're fired. Okay.
Don't worry, Glas. We got a we got a job for you at our office. Thank you. Yeah
What's on do we have for her?
Figure something out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You guys are a shit team. I'm good type.
Type-est. Yeah. That's what people do. They type-steel ass. All
Well, I think we should get them. All right, let's do, but you're the commissioner.
So what I want us to do.
I can't be involved.
So if I'm involved, it's going to take it all down.
I want you to do.
So no, no, no, no, you're going to be involved.
What?
You're going to be.
Why are you so aggressive with me?
We just met.
No, no, no, because you're trying to, what you're trying to do is you try, why you let,
don't laugh.
This is a serious matter.
How the fuck is going on? You're scared of me, Mike.
No, because you know, you're not listening to Bill.
I'm listening to Bill.
Bill just scratching his ear.
Well, you heard him so, you know?
Really, really.
You go to the ear.
You go to the guy with the police.
The guy went skiing.
The fuck is wrong with you.
It is getting weird now, Bill.
What?
What?
I didn't know what he was doing.
What the hell? What is this? Like he's giving you a cold or something. It really is hard to now, Bill. What? What? What? I didn't know what he was doing, but... What is this?
Like he's giving you a cold or something.
It really is hard to go at him while you're...
What?
What?
You're talking on your ear.
Why did you steal, steal third?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What's going on?
You're not whistling your way out of this, Roger.
You're not going to make it like you're not part of it.
Okay, if we're going to take him down, we're going to do it, and you're going to be part of you, the NFL, you're the whistling your way out of this Roger. You're not gonna make it like you're not part of it Okay, if we're gonna take them down we're gonna do it and you're gonna be part of you the NFL you the face of the NFL
Okay, I want nothing to do with this fellas
Billy my brother. I can't hear
For your brother, but I don't have one of the forces on my side. Yeah
You've been fucking around a lot in the league and people know about it.
And now you're going to try to take this guy down and keep your hands clean during it.
We're not going to let that happen.
Okay.
If you take them down, this is going to be behind you, Roger.
Oh, easy, Mike.
I don't know if I can control him, buddy.
I got kind of crazy outrageous outbursts.
They're actually not that crazy.
I know.
I mean, he's going to, I'm trying.
He's actually saying he very polite. I'm not actually not that crazy. I know.
I mean, he's got a man.
I'm trying.
He's actually sagging very politely in a middle of force.
Well, but I'm used to that.
He's like my dad.
He's kind of a deer.
That's because they won the Super Bowl, isn't it?
What?
It's because they won the Super Bowl.
You can't handle it.
We can't handle what, Michael?
The truth!
You can't handle the truth!
Then you're going to come and comply with it! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You don't have a list. So, you know, you didn't throw up.
You didn't throw up all the bathroom in the room.
It was like a hard,
hard like that.
I am so sorry.
And that was all there.
Oh, I got away by finger.
Oh, my God.
My fingers, my face, you fucking asshole.
Sorry.
Okay, you,
you're on his list of people to do.
Oh, my God.
That was a good act.
That was pretty good.
That was great.
That was his line though.
He was supposed to be the top cop in the back.
That was pretty good.
I'm going to make a speech with this like it's any word. All right, well, that's pretty good. I'm in my face with this, like it's any work. Oh, all right.
Well, that's what they're saying.
That's what they're saying.
His dad, Gidell might be in on the, I love him.
In on it.
What are you dropping him?
They're saying, I mean, I, I, I, that look, of course,
it's, I'm so sorry, right?
It's far, it's far fresh.
Right. It's far fresh, right? But here far, it's far fresh, right? Not to find.
It's far fresh, right?
But here's a deal.
Think about, thanks, Bob.
Think about why is Robert Kraft
being hung out to drive on sex slavery?
Sex slavery, because he got a process
of getting him a bloke to him.
Those women are part of their ship tier against their will
They're forced to do this job. Yeah, but he's just wants to a masseuse
Yeah, that's a day spa. No, he went to a Chinese massage parlour. Yeah
Yeah, and then they want him to find and then you give him $30 it is slavery
You're not the one doing the slaving
It's not slavery what do I mean if to say, I'm not fucking killing a cow.
So if you wear a cotton shirt back in slavery days, you're not the one doing the slaving.
Absolutely.
Correct.
I don't know.
I mean, look, dude, sure it was around from slavery days.
Wait a minute, those, they're not held there against their will.
They could get another fucking job.
No, they can't leave.
They can't, they can't. No They can't find a hint to decide.
They can't.
No, this is what I'm finding out is that these Chinese massage polis, these girls, they're
not there.
They're not there.
It's not a career choice.
Yeah, so then fucking going in bust the place and if I'm free, sending back to China,
they'll have a way better life.
Well, here's the thing is that they're taking him and hanging him out to dry, putting
him making him the face of this
because it adds light to it.
It shines a brighter light on sex trafficking
when they got somebody like that.
Now, say they catch you and me,
us three at a stint.
Nobody gives a shit.
You catch the guy who just won the fucking Super Bowl
for the sixth time and you put him out there
and he's the flag you're waving now. Now everybody's
looking at that people like he's next. Yeah. Brady's not going to some massage parlors.
Whoever owns the jets could be doing this all day long. No one right in my face. Like in my eye.
I think in my mouth was it in my mouth? It was right here and it was Flemmi. It was right on.
I am. I mean what the fuck? It almost looked like the end of that Robert graph video you showed us. Thank you.
You I was an Esther. Glad is. Sorry. I've been working here for 31 years. No one said cut. Wow. Wow. I just, I mean, this is what people are throwing out there.
It's ridiculous.
Why aren't they getting a sex trafficking?
No, like human trafficking is so much different.
Human trafficking is different, man.
They're going to try to charge him with, uh,
probably just get trapped.
No, they're trying to misdemean.
He's no, he already got charged.
He already got charged.
You got charged with two misdemeanors.
It's going to be a fine.
He's got no priors.
He's not nothing.
Yeah, but what they're doing though and they do this with everybody now.
They haven't got expunged, but they throw 77 year old man.
And they throw this shit on on top of it, right?
What?
Now they throw sex trafficking.
They throw all this shit on top of it.
Now anybody who hears that once, that's all they know.
You want to know the funny thing is all of his fan base, like likes him more now.
Like it it like,
I say,
Oh, that's true.
Capture every single detail of the encounters, including ejaculation and subsequent cleanup.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Yeah, that hot towel can be really be hot when they first bring it out.
They get a hell of a way.
What do you mean?
That means there's cameras everywhere?
Like, I don't know.
Dude, the FBI goes into these places now.
I would never go.
Because they're filming everybody.
Dude, they're filming everybody.
The FBI goes in, it puts the cameras in, middle of the
fucking night, films everybody getting hand jobs,
fingers in the butt, blow jobs, whatever it is,
and they have it on fucking video, and then they have it. Yeah. So if you went
to one of these places, you're probably on video. Yeah, I got nothing to worry about.
I don't think. I don't think at the end what does be inspired any confidence. Oh my God. I, I like it.
Nothing.
I can't work about it.
I don't think.
Oh, can you please get him spitting at me and slow motion?
Can we get that clip?
That was, I almost threw up.
I was a new.
It was on my face.
I don't know how, yeah.
The only thing is his acting was so good.
I was into it.
I was in the moment.
It was, it was, it was actually actually it was someone talking to Roger Adele.
Um, that was fun.
It's uh, doing that acting to we should do that more.
No, that's I I'd recast a couple of parts.
I thought, whereas you got I played a decent mic when it started.
Yeah, you get better.
You get better.
You got better, but he did have to take over your role at the end and flip out.
That's what he wanted out of you.
Yeah, I know.
I was trying to get mad at me.
I was trying to lean.
I was trying to get there, but I waited too long.
And then, you know, he's gonna be the next Jack Reacher.
Yeah, you would have fucking fired at the table read on that one.
You would have got a hot walk off the lot by security.
I was trying to, I was gonna get there.
I was just, I waited too long.
I'm sorry. Wait a little longer. What are you fucking talking about? You get
there. It's a couple of minutes seen. We don't know. Either way, I was never going to do
that. I spit in your face. Did you not see the signal? Was that it?
That's what he is making his ears into fucking the tootsie tribe here. I think it's ridiculous
that this is happening, but it's fine. Okay. Now but okay, now, though, that no more like,
I wish get him off.
Everyone knows about it.
So get hang his head.
Hang it.
And people have lost it.
And the fact that they won too.
The fact that they won the Super Bowl, it's like fucking.
And dudes don't like him.
Usually dudes love a good rape case.
Dude, I'm telling you, rape that time.
My mom is mad at him.
Really?
My mom loves him.
My mom's mad at him.
Yeah.
Because he did that. A lot of Catholics in Boston, I added them. Really? What? My mom loves them. My mom's mad at them. Yeah. Why?
Because he did that.
A lot of Catholics in Boston, a lot of really devout Catholics, a lot of Christians, a lot
of fucking...
Let me answer your question.
Let me answer your question.
If you're 70's.
Because they don't like when people, the prostitution, the sex trafficking, you say that,
you don't even know, okay, you say he's not involved.
If it's sex trafficking, this is the deal.
If he's sex, let me just say.
That's such a giant jump though.
But if he's sex prostitution and sex trafficking.
If I was murdering while he's there,
that's the thing.
This is a man who's laying on a fucking...
I'm telling you why, you're not hearing it.
You're just boulding Oliver.
The women at massage poly.
If you don't let him talk, you can't hear what he's saying.
If the women at massage poly.
Don't believe it, it's your turn.
This is why you're a terrible bad cop.
The women at massage pop.
Right.
There's sex traffic.
They're shipped in.
They can't leave.
They have to do this.
It's the Chinese mafia.
Whatever the fuck it is, these women are trapped there.
They're slaves.
They have to do this to make money for other people, for the
mob. It's not like a prostitute that has her own thing on fucking Craigslist or whatever,
or has guys come over to release you.
Arrows.com.
Oh, euros.
Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, a dude will come with a van, picks up all the chicks, takes
them back to a house.
No way.
Yes.
Absolutely.
What went into the night at a massage product, day light?
No, around, well, some of them close at like 11.
Bobby, like, I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's something 11.
I'll make up.
I'm a lot.
There's something one or two.
Yeah.
So, we're verzy.
Look at it that way.
If you're going to a place and you know the girls in there,
I have no choice but to do this.
What if you don't know?
What if you're just like,
I don't know, is there a place I get jerked off right here?
But you do know now.
So now would be a problem.
Well, I'm saying would it be a problem with you?
If you know that they're slaves, sex slaves?
I'd have to know where they're from too.
From Asia.
They're from Asia.
No, I mean like what street? They're from Glen Street. If I knew, yes, if I knew that they
are like against their will, yes, I would do that. It would, it would bother you. If I knew
that they were being held there against their will, doing that, they want no part of it
and they're doing it. Yeah. But I feel like that's not the case at a Florida day spa.
I don't think that that was it.
Would you beat up the owners?
And try to free them.
And try to free them.
Yes, if they are.
Because I'm a hero.
I don't know if you're a hero.
I would fucking Liam Neeson.
Is it enough just to not frequent it?
Or should you see, like, this just slaves.
Is it terrible?
I should do something about that.
No, but here's my question.
What about if you don't?
Gladys is saying that's the moral high ground.
It seems like he's saying, no, I would just,
I would just look the other way.
I would just, I don't know, might just sound like a dick.
You know, Gladys, I don't appreciate it.
Enough, not Gladys.
Hey, I told you.
Gladys is going at my, I fired her.
She's your fucking Gladys now.
I'm going to point.
Yeah, that's right.
I hired you and you do this to make me do this.
I said we had no job.
Oh, you had no job. There's the. I'm at your point. Yeah, that's right. I hired you and you do this to me. I said we had no job.
Oh, you had no job.
There's the rage we were looking for earlier.
You got to pull it out of her, Gladys.
But what about when, but he paid extra and they caught him paying extra for the act.
What if the girl just wants to, what if you just want him to sign?
What I'm saying is that everything is being phased out.
Things are being phased out.
You're not saying out. You might be
saying that now, but you weren't saying that before. Don't just say things to say things.
I mean, being said like, here's what happens. Okay, what go ahead? What do you say?
I'm saying that it's all, look at you. We know that it's sex trafficking now. So now that
you know that you might not go. And now that we know that these before when you thought
I was willing Asian women, middle
age Asian women giving out hand jobs for $60 and extra $40.
And it was amazing time and night and they were cool with it.
You like, that's fine.
It's great.
Let's do it.
Even Mary guys should be able to do it.
What's wrong with it?
It's not fooling around.
There's nothing sexual about it.
It's just, you've got a kid.
What's the difference?
Right.
Now, if you know that they're against their will
and they're forced to be there
and they're shipped in from another country,
you know, how does that make you feel that?
Would you still do it?
No, I told you, I didn't.
Jesus Christ, no.
Would you still do it?
I'm saying I would be way less likely to do it,
but if I did it, I would be harder knowing all that.
And you would come more.
I mean, I've got to think so.
So conflicted, I guess is my answer.
That was I glad us was not laughing at that.
I don't know, man.
It's a question a lot of guys are going to have to ask themselves now that you know that
this is slavery, modern age slavery.
All of them.
I don't think all of them.
Yeah.
How do you know?
How do you know?
How do you know? How are you going to know?
What are you going to say?
Your Apple Watch. Did you buy that?
What do you do after work?
How are you going to find out?
While you're getting the massage, you got a question.
How many of you guys have slaves here?
It's probably last time.
Don't let that influence your answer.
But how many of you guys have slaves?
Weird question. Just out of the top of my head.
It just doesn't get me hard.
Do you live in one room in a house in Queens?
Yeah, with other 25 other women.
You got a side tracking.
You get to it.
Is your passport locked in a vault by somebody else?
Like in Taken?
How do you?
Is there a guy with a dragon tattoo that beat you?
If you step out of the yard.
Forge you have your shipper.
if you step out of the yard. For instance, you have your shiver.
You get it by plane or by boat.
Yeah, dude. I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, They have a comedy festival. What's it called? I saw him week when he said that. I don't know if you guys got I shot pulling his ear
Massage paulers with white women. Yeah, see the same thing, but they're not slaves in America. They don't anymore back in the day
They used to go to massage out a lot of white sliver
No, they just have the internet now you don't have to do it the internet
If you're not a slave you can just go and have somebody come to your house
A lot of the I know we used to place around here. They had Spanish black white, you can just go and have somebody come to your house. A lot of the guy I've never used to play around here.
They had Spanish, Black, White, Asian.
You can go in and the girls who come out and spend a lot of time.
Dude, I don't buy this shit, dude.
Everything is blamed on the guys going in there.
I bet you some of these women want fucking extra money because it's more money in their
country.
They come from a little money.
That's ridiculous.
Yeah, it's like, I'm going to jerk off a couple of guys.
I'm going to bring the money
back to my country. So you think there's women that want to fucking do it like a Dolly
Parton who owns a whorehouse and has all the girls in the money. Bobby, Bobby are our
strippers held against their will when they go and they give lap dances and their jerk
and people all know they're not. They're not. So some of these places, I'm sure have
somebody go, Hey, you know, like any money, listen, you go back to every day. No, go back to Japan.
We're fucking a handful of American cash and and you just fucking ask some 77 year old.
It is. It is.
Leachie fruit. Yes.
The leachie fruit from South America.
Look it up. You're wrong. Hi, maybe I am. Let's look it up.
I just got it in fucking deserve from Chinese history. It's all over Chinatown.
You can buy little leachies. It's so cool. They wait. Let me keep mocking. It's so cool. The import stuff from Spain into Chinatown to sell in the streets next to their fucking
coconuts. What are you doing?
Bandage of ask for help you a fucking loser. I can do it myself, buddy
Where's the leech you threw from? Dude, spit a fucking...
I know, I don't want to talk about it anymore, because now I feel sick.
I literally feel sick.
I feel like I'm sick.
No, not sick.
Or something.
She cut us wrist.
Oh!
I don't know, dude.
I don't know.
I'm just saying that they're phasing.
They're trying to get rid of all of it.
They got rid of...
Listen, they got rid of Craigslist.
They got rid of Backpage. You can't... Back in got rid of Craig's list, they got rid of Back Page.
You can't, you can't, back in the day,
there was so many places you could go and get a hand job
or have sex.
You can't, Euros is the only one left.
And I think that's based out of another,
Europe, it's not here.
Euros, right?
Of course.
Whatever the fucking is.
But back in the day, you go to the,
you had, in the back of the, um, the village voice
had all hookers just, just, just, just, just everywhere.
I'm not just, they're phasing it all out.
That whole culture is being phased the fuck out.
It's the only Chinese people all that.
Oh, you're saying you need slaves in order to, you know, that's not what I'm saying.
This, I'm saying that they're phasing out this, this, this, this, uh, guys paying, uh,
immigrant women or, you know, paying for sex. They're phasing it out, this, this guy's paying immigrant women or paying for sex.
They're phasing it out.
I understand it.
Taking away your options.
I understand that you're saying that and I agree to a certain extent, but I also think
that there are horrors that want to do it to make the money and they're always will be
the same.
I know, I know.
I wouldn't call them horrors.
What?
What's the, the ladies of passion?
Oh, Jesus.
What happening? ladies of passion? Jesus, what happened?
You want to fuck?
What the fuck?
Give a fucking woman money to get you off.
That's a lady of passion.
A lady of passion.
A lady of passion.
I like that.
Do you like that better?
I think it's better.
I like that better.
Joe who hates that term though, non-hooker ladies of passion.
I just really like mountain climbing.
I'm just buried into the Oscars.
Did you find the leechy thing?
Look it up on your phone for God's sakes.
It's about to come into the Linus Bellicius
on struggling there.
It's about a fucking 12 L's in an E.
Is he not allowed to talk?
No, I'm just gonna get fucking hammered.
The fucking keyboard doesn't work. Yeah, the keyboard. The keyboard's the main problem of typing. Con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos,
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Bueno, anyways, moviendo.
Creo que creo que es f***.
La chineza es la que bera leche.
No. 2.
La chineza es la que bera leche.
Pero en la segunda, es la chineza. Chinese tree that bears leechies. Number two, the Chinese tree that the second one is this
banish. It says, while it's a leechie and superlado falado de los. It's a tropical tree native to
the guandong and fujan provinces of China. Okay, so you're right. Thank you. I appreciate
you. We don't have to start on it. We can just move on. You know what I'm right? You're
fucking sick. So he told us fucking makes me want to stab you and hurt your other arm. Okay. I appreciate you. I appreciate you. We can all just fart on it. We can just move on. You know what I'm right?
You're fucking sick.
So he told us, fucking makes me want to stab you and hurt your other arm.
Okay?
Take a stab of a wrist.
I was off.
I was off.
I was off.
I was off.
I was off.
I was off.
I was off.
I was off.
I was off.
I was off.
I was off.
I was off.
I was off.
I was off.
I was off. I was off. I was off. I was off. I was off. Why are they calling it that?
Another thing that happened that special Mackey. I don't know. It'll happen. Okay. Shut up. Stop taking over my shell
I was gonna ask what you ask with Lesca. Listen, this happened too. This is fucking crazy. And it's proving
that the world, it's just fucking, it's happening so fast, this change, all the shit that's
happening. Captain Marvel movie. Yeah. I believe in him was Bree. Bree Larson.
Bree Larson. Bree Larson. Not all said not Bree Larson. No, I made the same mistake.
I don't want to play. I don't want to play Brelarsson in this one.
No, you don't have to.
What about it?
Basically, she came out and said, I do not want, I don't want white middle-aged white men.
I want my my press junkets to be mixed.
I don't want a bunch of middle-aged white men.
Do you have a press? Yeah, I don't want a bunch of middle-aged white men. Do you have a press?
Yeah, I don't want to, because she apparently a bunch of all the fiddle kids of middle-aged
white men. I don't want a bunch of middle-aged white men on the press junk. I want it to be,
I want it to be a little more muggy.
Well, here's the problem, Bray. Here's the problem. Here's the issue.
Close, close, close. Hang on.
Oh my God, it's the keyboard again. I can't fucking take you're not fucking dudes
So we're just sitting there alone board and so what are we gonna do?
Sit at home or go to the movies once in a while this fucking gross white dudes and they go to the movies
And then learn a shit load about the movies is it there every day on the fucking own and then they go into it
Is a business because no one will have them yes
And now they're critics and then we're you questions about the thing they've been doing
because you forced them to for the last 25 years. Yes. So fuck off, pre-holsten. Larsen.
So that's not Olsen. pre-holsten is a porn star. We like her. How did you guys not have your
spit guards out? Believe me, I was fucking ready to move at a moment's notice. I think I was fucking ready to move. But I'm almost noticed. They got my glasses on.
I would have fucking the Ari AIDS of the eye.
I can't get the Ari sneeze guard.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Well, I just put a sporty black dudes
to be way to movies.
Good luck.
Yeah.
Well, you know, it's funny is that she said that
and the right there's a thing on Rotten Tomatoes.
It says, it says, are you likely to see the
movie yesterday? No. You can't review it because it's not out yet, but it just has that
one thing that fans can interact to say, we're going to go see this movie. It was at a
96% we are going to see it. As soon as she said white males, 27%.
It plummeted every single day.
It plummeted and plummeted and plummeted tools.
27%, 27% yesterday.
Today, rotten tomatoes took that option away.
You cannot, they just took it away.
Wait, so you don't see those remaining now?
So you cannot interact.
The way it's been the whole time of Rob Tomatoes fan interaction.
We tell you what we like because of that because there's so much money on the line and because
people are rebelling because she, all she had to say is, hey, I'd like it if my press
junk gets more multicultural.
Yeah, yeah, or like women too.
Or like women too. Or like women too.
Yeah, I would just say listen,
but not there.
But you don't even have to say it aloud.
You could just, you could say listen,
I hope that this whole, this whole thing I'm about to do,
I've done it before, I hope it has more women
and minorities and a bunch of, you know,
tell your agent not the press.
Yeah, but you don't have to sit and go,
I don't want white.
And she said it's so like white man.
First of all, who the fuck reads comic books who goes and sees
Yeah, the fucking nerds these fucking nerds are white dudes that fucking can't get out of their childhood
You think it's a bunch of women that are going to see captain fucking Marvel. Yeah, not
No, first of all captain Marvel was a guy comic. They made it a woman comic
But first of all, Captain Marvel was a guy comic, they made it a woman comic.
Marvel needed a Wonder Woman because Wonder Woman,
and this thing that, first of all,
the guys don't like women fucking suit.
You're out of your mind.
Wonder Woman killed it.
Everybody loved Wonder Woman.
Warcraft.
You're a Laura crime.
That bomb.
The first one was great.
The other one did.
Yeah, but alien, alien was fucking
one of the biggest movies all the time.
There's a war against white men in this country Bobby
All right, I'm fucking tired of it. That's what we needed Mike
That's what I did that like in that role. What's the spit in your mouth?
No, but it's using white guys as a pejorative term. Yeah, so I think people should be upset of I mean if you say like
Oh, there's too many of, you know, I'm not middle age, but you,
for instance, there's too many Bobby Kelly's.
Look at the exact.
They would say, well, yeah, well, where were you when, you know, when they were saying about
black people?
And my answer to you would be like, I don't know, not saying that about black people.
Yeah, I don't know.
I would be pretty upset about that.
If we did a movie, if they said that about black people, they would hang they would be very they get mad.
When you compare them, when you say, what have you said that about women? What have you said
about black people? I don't want a bunch of I don't want this to be all black people,
all black males. You would be fucking crucified. They don't like when you say that. It's different.
It's not the same. I agree with Bobby. Black people have had an easy in this country.
That's not what I said.
I will say that.
I will say that.
I will say that.
I did not say that.
I'm not sure.
It's also the, like, what if the hypothetical thing
that didn't happen happened?
It's like, oh, I have to invent the scenario
that didn't happen and be upset about that.
No, I'm upset about the thing that did happen.
Oh, yeah.
Well, they're saying that, who fucking hired her for the movie?
Who hired her for the movie? Who hired her for the movie?
Why people? Disney.
Why isn't it an old white man?
An old white man get casted her.
Disney. No, I don't know.
I can't answer that question honestly, but I know what you're saying.
But here's the thing is that it's all white guys going to see this movie.
You literally told them go fuck themselves at the beginning of this
that you're sick of them.
And they responded to you.
Like anybody would.
Yeah.
Also smart move making fun of all the
reviewers. Right. Making fun of all the reviewers making fun of probably I'd say 70% of your audience.
What are you saying that? Well, there's what you saying you're saying, okay, so the guys that have
worked this job because they're white because they're male, they don't get to do a press junket
for their job. They're going to be replaced because you're sick of seeing them.
That's crazy.
Not like they never know what they're writing about.
Just like, I don't want that.
Well, they didn't like one of her movies, I guess.
One of her series.
I'm gonna say movie anyway because I don't care what she says.
She got to mass titties.
Are you gonna actually move me?
No, I don't maybe.
They had to hire a, that's the funny part.
They hired to hire a, hire a ass double.
Cause her and show no ass shit out of us. Well, you have to wear these tight. Yeah, that's the funny part, they hired a hire a ass double. Cause her and show no action. Well, you have to wear these tight.
Yeah, that's, yeah, they have to wear these tight fucking first question
of fucking white guy should ask her.
So it's a true.
So yeah, you're gonna ask double.
Yeah, double.
And breathe.
You asked look really good in it.
Now they said you had an ass double.
Is that true?
Cause I'm looking at your ass now and it's rather flat.
I think
we'll really make progress when Captain Marshall doesn't have to have a perfect ass.
I was being serious. What do you mean, Joe? I mean, why does Superband have to have a big muscle?
The word super just right. He gets power from the start. He's like super. That's why he's super because he gets power from that. Yeah, right. Why is he straw? Why is he strong? He's like super. That's why he's super. He could lift weight today. It would never,
you never, you never you feel it. Yeah, but he's super. Yeah, you're right. How would he get muscles?
Yeah, he's working on lifting buildings. I don't think so. Yeah, he should be, he should be
look like Samaril kind of bust. Yeah, just nobody. Nobody. Nobody. No physical activity. What's
nobody should look like that? Just be out of muscle. He would have lifting a pen. That's as much as
they lift Samaril. Right. He can't even go out when it's
windy. Yeah. But he's still stronger than a baby. But barely.
But it's not as smart as one too.
Babies are stupid. Babies are dumb. Yeah. And I can't believe that you're on tomatoes folded
to her. And I mean, it had to be Disney's step in angle.
Look, you gotta stop this.
This is cost and this, how many is it?
Fucking thousands of dollars.
Millions.
I mean, this is, I mean, they took the option off.
And they said it was white trolls doing it.
How do you know, how do you know,
how do you know, how do you know, how do you know,
how do you know, how do you know, how do you know,
okay, but how do you know? It's the same thing, it's not white trolls, it's a mixture of trolls. But how do you know? How do you know it's like, how do you know it's like, it's just trolls? It's just trolls. Yeah, okay, but how do you know?
It's the same thing.
It's not white trolls.
It's a mixture of trolls.
But how do you know it's trolls?
How do you know it's just people just saying, I'm not going to see the movie?
Oh, because it sounds trollish.
It sounds like one of those things they do where it's like you get it going and it was like,
no, every, every, you ever see a, uh, uh, uh, the t-shirt, the, how the wolf t-shirt?
No.
Oh, you never look at my he-be, how the wolf t-shirt.
Yeah, I want to see my new t-shirt.
It's Buddha.
You love it?
You can't wear that in some countries.
Why?
Because they don't prefer to use Buddha as a fucking normal.
Who farted?
I just thought it was a long time ago.
Who farted?
I didn't, I would say it.
I literally just cleaned my nose out and I just felt like I should.
I felt it a while ago and then stopped.
The one who blamed it, flamed it.
That's not, that's not, the one who accused it, fused it.
No, that's not it either.
The one who did not, it's supply.
No, that's not it.
I mean, you're almost there, but not you.
The one who smelled it, dealt it.
That's it, right?
Yeah.
There's a million of it, we're going to do you.
I just, I just, I'm just fucking terrible.
Yeah. I think the trolls guy, I'm fucking terrible. Yeah.
I think the trolls guy like, hey, let's all keep giving her a better view as then it starts
in there.
I didn't even heard of that thing.
There's no way I got that big where everyone's going in there on their own and just we're
not going to watch her fucking movie.
But there's, but you, but Marvel movies of that fucking big, Ari.
I know, but those movies are fucking huge and it's still trolled.
That's why trolls are more involved with that.
I think it's a big head move.
It says that there's a ship.
Harrison Ford came out and goes, I don't want these nerds coming out to this Star Wars
movie. I'm sick of seeing these nerds.
You don't think they would have flipped the fuck out?
I think still would have went, but you know what I'm gonna get in about reviews on, but
they would have seen it.
You don't think Deroza is saying that.
It's not a review though.
It's not a review though. It's not a review.
It's a will I see it.
Oh, will I not see it?
And they all got on that same thing and went there randomly. It's it's
trollish. Yeah. It's all right. I'd say let the trolls have their day. Yeah. Oh,
she date. Who the fuck why would they take it off though? If it's if it's trolls, then
why do you fucking take it off? Why I don't know why did they get angry to get it down?
We what do you mean? No, same shit like do it with this people bothering me. It's you
I don't know. you look out for people
who are like weak or something.
I don't know.
We probably wouldn't be talking about it.
It's like, some pretty lost, I don't know.
She needs help.
They don't respect her.
How does she need help?
I don't know.
The top crew's gonna be like, deal with it.
She's a multi-millionaire.
Is she?
Yes.
How many million?
Two.
That's okay.
Sorry, checks out.
Who's the fucking laughing douchebag over there?
Who the fuck is that guy?
That was a hard cousin watching tonight.
What's he?
What are you, what are you, what is it?
Why are you attacking people?
He's got a tooth.
It's not your fault, you're a retard.
You can't say retard anymore.
So my man's got a lot of drinking.
You can't make ton of, no listen,
call regular, you can make fun of the white guys.
That's it.
White man, middle-aged. White man, of course you can. White man, that'sards. You call retards, you can make fun of the white guys. That's it.
White man middle age.
White man, of course you can.
White man, that's it.
I'm calling him a retard as a white man.
I'm calling him a retard.
I'm saying now, now replace it.
Retards, you know how white man, white man, you're not going to retard.
Retard.
He's drinking muscle milk and a 24 ounce Madelo.
Oh, fuck, it's over, dude. It's over, Johnny. milk and a 24 ounce Madela.
Oh, fuck, it's over, dude.
It's over, Johnny.
It's a wrap.
You can just, you know, we're coming back for with what coming back, dude?
What I say, I got war. What dudes?
Yeah.
I'm getting a gun.
Yeah, fuck that.
I'm getting a gun.
You got a gun.
No, I don't have a gun.
I'm going down next week to buy a gun.
I got, I've got two guns.
Neil and Barbara.
Why Neil?
And Neil.
You don't bring me flowers anymore.
It's my favorite duet.
Why Barbara?
Oh, this is the song you sing.
Neil.
Neil Diamond.
Neil Diamond and Barbara Streisand.
Yeah.
Although I just want to make for the record,
I'm not participating in your Ipepe song race war.
I just want to talk about my muscle. I'm not participating in your eye, but I go race war. I just want to talk about my muscle.
We're going to need your kneel and Barbara when the shit goes down.
You're definitely one of the white guys.
I don't know that.
If there was a civil war, where would you go?
South.
Where more pride is South has where more pride than the North.
North is conflicted.
Yeah.
So North hates the South, but South hates it and the Alta Hades shop.
I've got a new title for the collectively more committed.
They care about Biden.
They're collectively more committed.
What did you say they care about what?
Mudden.
What's the mudden?
When you take a truck out in the mudden, but I've got a new title for this podcast.
I mean, it's a, are you sure fear prefers the South in the Civil War?
Yeah, I'll take all the races to all the Mexicans from fucking Texas.
So you just go south and with me. Yeah. You're in. What about you?
I don't know, man. He makes a good point. But, you know, I'm lazy. So I'd stay here
and try to round up the guys up here. So you know, I'm lazy, so I'd stay here and try to round up
the guys up here.
You just create your own, you'd be killed.
He would enjoy his nice home for a while, like most of these fucking Northerners.
I think we're not going to keep marching.
Yeah, come up and they'd run right through you and join the house.
Fucking stakes of the Burzies.
I'm a fucking front.
I feel like that's what you're doing.
Just like the Burzies heads together.
Look, look up from the tall fucking guy with the hamster,
one arm coming to a house.
I get guns, I get guns.
Do you have guns?
I don't, but I want one, but we got the,
she didn't want me to have one
because we got the dog and the dog is like
fucking an alarm system, you know?
Yeah.
Like anything, but like you just fucking freaks out.
So there really isn't a reason to have a gun.
Yeah, maybe I'll get a dog.
Guns can kill dogs, but dogs can't kill guns.
Yeah, they can dogs can kill somebody with a gun.
There's a load one load one that came toward the garbage.
Is that the worst thing in a movie when you see that dog going to the wood?
You hear the guy just snapped the dogs neck stabbed it in the gut.
Yeah, you know, the dog is that the worst sound at first pretty bad just a dog getting killed by a fucking assassin
That don't get him I hate when the animals just don't get her
Legend I feel bad. Oh, that was tough. Oh, that was a tough one the Civil War movies were the horses get shot
Yeah, man, you shot some horse
Yeah, oh back in the day when they used to really just trip a horse down a hill Get shot. Yeah. Like man, you shot someone horse. Brood of leg. Yeah.
Oh, back in the day when they used to really just trip a horse down a hill.
Yeah. And then they just put a rope when they had to make a horse fall,
they just literally just made them fall and then just shot them in the head.
Right after I sucked out.
Just got them in a new horse. That's it. Yeah.
They used to really mush women in the face and movies.
That's some what do you mean?
I mean, a movie and a guy was like, ah, shit up and m mush women in the face and movies. That's some what do you mean? I mean, a movie and a guy would say, ah, shit up and musher in the face. You never seen those.
Oh, dude, those are fucked up films.
I don't see a lot of regular movies.
The guy would be like, shit up and just mush the woman's face.
I know where.
James Cagney, pushing a woman's face.
Nothing's coming up.
I don't know much a lot of doggas asked in movies either.
That's so funny.
I already goes, you didn't even try.
You were the voice in my head.
I mean, it was like nothing's coming up before you even typed in.
I've been trying to type for the last 25 minutes and it won't.
We just start talking about much face.
Is there another keyboard?
Is there another key?
Oh, there's coming out because of the keyboard.
Yeah.
Oh, I get what he's saying.
OK.
We have a whole new keyboard.
Can't use the other keyboard.
The internet down.
No, just as keyboard is fucked up.
Which I have to push in the right buttons instead of presenting.
What?
Yeah, I'm pressing the fucking right buttons.
Oh, OK.
What are you?
What are you?
Why are your hands not moving?
Look. What's you, what are you, why are your hands not moving? Look.
What's wrong with it?
No, it's not connecting and then what it does, it doesn't.
Why are you getting mad at me?
I'm not getting mad at you.
It's, I've been trying to fucking fix this for like 35 minutes.
Please, I'm mad at you.
I'm mad at you, dad, not around.
I'm mad at verbatim.
It's not your fault.
Thank you so much.
You're doing a great job, man.
You're doing a great job.
You're a good, man.
How is he doing a great job?
The keyboard doesn't work.
He's trying.
Why is he even, he has the same thing?
His job was the keyboard.
Yeah.
I can see it not being his fault,
but he's definitely not doing a great job.
I have good back he does.
At best, he's doing a zero job.
Neither here nor there job.
He's here. I mean, that's counting. He's Not their hero there job. He's here.
I mean, he's not even doing a job.
He's just sitting at his station.
Can you fix it?
I see you never asked for help or anything.
And now they're gonna have to help.
Is that a hand?
Is that a two-foot hand?
Is there a keyboard right over there?
It's for it right under the bed.
Kind of Mickey Mouse operation, is this?
Look at that keyboard over there.
What?
There's no keyboards.
Are you kidding me?
For fucking thousands of dollars
worth of cameras and you need to get a fucking keyboard.
You can keep it right in front of you.
Yeah, why don't you use this?
Where?
That's why you're touching.
Now, that's it.
You can't.
Can I use this?
Does this come up?
No, that's for that laptop.
Can we plug this in and bring it up on there?
No, that's a laptop.
I hate you.
Oh, what is it again? Say, laptop again. I'm gonna fucking fight you. Yeah.
How? Birds of what he got some rope. What's there yet? I got what do I have to promote
anyways? Oh, Bob, you'll be this weekend and then Tempe and Phoenix. That's what we
get after that Miami and Tempe. I'm in Tempe this weekend. Oh, I'm in there next.
A Tempe in Prove. Next week, I guess. Are you really? Yeah, twope. I'm in Tempe this weekend. Oh, I'm in there next. A Tempe improv next week, I guess.
Are you really?
Yeah, two weeks.
Oh, two weeks after you.
Really?
Yeah.
Look at that.
I mean, they really just put all the same fan base over and over.
Tempe is a good room.
It's good room.
I haven't played there in a long.
I haven't played the Impress.
Fucking underrated.
I love their own.
It's really good.
It's the same place that it was.
Yes, the owners did.
Both of them.
What do you mean the old guy? Suicide by hooker. The other guy. Yes, the owners did. Both of them. Dan, Dan, what are you, the old guy?
Suicide by hooker, the other guy.
The other guy.
Wait a minute.
Stop, stop.
So who's suicide by hooker?
The old guy, Anderson.
No way.
First, they bought out the improv from under him.
They said, we're going to open up one of Phoenix.
He goes, what are you talking about?
We have a non, what's it called?
A non-compete clause.
You love it, yeah.
And they go, we'll just call a different name.
We're still doing it.
He goes, what are you going to try and have a business?
And they're like, well, you can join in with us. So you can close us and he goes, I want to close it. So they're like, all right, we'll just call a different name. We're still doing it because what are you going to do in a business? And like, well, you can join in with us.
So you can close us and he goes, I want to close it.
So they're like, all right, we're going to bury you.
Didn't let anybody play their good.
Their biggest names were like, fucking stand up.
I was a stand up live.
No, that's the new one they opened.
The same group opened, put him out of business.
Nobody could play there only a couple of years.
Put him out of business.
He went back to drinking, disappeared for a while.
I knew right then.
I like that guy's dead.
Couldn't find him. He just buried himself in hookers and blow complete relapse. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean,
I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean,
I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean,
I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, That guy was a co-ent, that guy was Burns and Hell.
Oh, yeah.
What did you do to you?
Nothing in particular, really.
I burn it hell, fuck him.
I'm not in a bad, I can be against slave owners without having, what did he do?
What did he do?
Oh, I just said, dick to everybody.
Okay, one time Morgan Murphy gets in
and finish the week with Bill. What the fuck was that? What are you doing? I thought it wouldn't
be that loud. I squished my water bottle. We have some microphones. Shitty keyboards.
Not good microphones. She goes, I hope that was clean enough for you. I guess what? She goes,
yeah, I was trying to be cleaned. And she was like, why, why?
I don't care.
She goes, no, he told me I had to be clean.
I opened for you.
And he goes, who told you that?
Demmer.
Why would I want to be clean in front of me?
She was like, I don't know.
I thought it was weird.
There's one.
Yeah, that's one.
Here's one, Steve Chavino.
Yeah.
The average drink in there hanging out.
He leaves with a bottle of fucking champagne., he leaves with a bottle of fucking champagne,
Denver leaves with a bottle of champagne, comes in the next day, five,
chavino for stealing a bottle of champagne. And we're like, no, Dan, that was you.
You were all hooked up and left with the bottle of champagne. It's like, fuck you, you're out. Goodbye.
Three. Wow, you have another one. He's crazy. You should have closed with that one.
You should have closed with that one. You fucked up, right?
Yeah. Okay. No, I know one. You fucked up, right? Yeah.
Maybe I know he did.
What do you mean?
I just I don't know about it.
Diaz is staying at the condo.
Yeah.
Across the street, I mean, Rogan is staying at the buttes hotel.
A little bit of a drive.
We drive a show up at 755 or 8 o'clock show.
Joe's like, hang on, Diaz is going to open the show.
Let's smoke in the car.
Diaz, you got it, got it.
He's in there.
We come in at 759. Walked in, the car. Dias, you got it? Got it. He's in there.
We come in at 7.59.
Walked in, they're like, hey, Dan wants to speak to you
to the phone.
He's like, okay, I'm like, hey, where the fuck were you?
I'm like, when?
I'm like, why didn't you start?
Why didn't you start the show on time?
He's like, at this time, Dias is on.
He goes, no, we had to fuck it a hole for 20 minutes.
These people had to wait in the rain because of you.
And I was like, I was in the parking lot.
It was not raining.
And we started the show on time. What 20 minutes? The show, it's 801. The show's been going
on for a minute. It goes, well, you're not going on today. And I was like, fuck you.
Yes, I am going on today. He goes, no fucking way. You're not. And I was just so worried
and nervous. But I was like, fuck this. I'm going on the whole time. That was so worried.
You'd come in. And he didn't even show up. What did Rogan do? And you go on. I told him
about later. He thought it was like ridiculous. You went on, though. Yeah, I went it. You didn't even show up. What did Rogan do? And you go on. I told him about later. He thought it was like ridiculous. You went on, though.
Yeah, I went on.
It hardly rains there.
Yeah, it wasn't even raining.
I was outside smoking.
But why would Rogan go fuck yourself?
Rogan was on the phone with him.
I was on the phone with him.
But why wouldn't you say Rogan?
The sky just did this to me.
Oh, I'm sure you did.
I'm sure you said exactly that.
All right.
You want to hear mine?
Yeah.
Let's hear it.
Four.
I should have opened. Okay.
That was a good one though.
Thank you.
I knew I did not have to.
It was close.
I knew because that was about me.
It was close.
You added a little oomph at the end.
Yeah.
But the fuck, those was a rating.
You did the, you built up the rating.
You're not going to say I'm fucking going on,
but I like it.
He did it, he did it.
He pulled it out.
You're acting.
It's a good story, though.
That was a good story That was good story.
Real good story.
I mean, you're on fire because the cheese thing was great.
I mean, his cheese went bad.
It's still fucking great.
We, I go in first time there.
I'm nervous because it's my first time
starting to work the improvs too, right?
It's after torque asm.
So I get in, I'm in the bathroom, peeing.
Nobody says anything to me, but I'm there.
Nobody, not anything.
Nobody's there.
I'm at the bathroom.
I mean, it's five minutes before showtime.
And I look over and there's a guy peeing.
And I'm peeing and he looks at me
and he kind of starts smiling, whatever.
And then he goes over and washes his hands.
I go over to wash my hands. He looks over at me and he kind of starts smiling whatever and then he goes over and washes his hands. I go over to wash my hands.
It looks over me again.
Doesn't say a fucking word to me.
Right? And I'm like, that's the guy.
That's him.
That's him.
I just, my instincts were kicking
and I got good instincts.
I go, that's not what that's the fucking.
I was like, this guy just didn't say fucking hide him.
Did it fucking say shit?
So I come out after my show and they go, Robert, whoever the fuck that was.
Yeah, there's a table set up with this guy and a woman selling time shares where I should
be, I was going to sell my CD.
So no, not to him or somebody else beside, he didn't do it.
What was he left? He left. He left. So I didn't do it. What's the result?
He left.
He left.
He left.
So I didn't know if it was him or not, but I thought it was.
He goes, Dan left.
They're going to be doing this right here.
You're going to have to go outside.
I had to go out in the parking lot down a flight of stairs.
And they either went left or right.
If they went left, I didn't get them.
If they went right, I got them. Most. If they went right, I got them.
Most of them just went left.
I missed a bunch of people.
I'm outside in the parking lot with a fucking,
with a chair.
They gave me a chair to sell my shit.
I finally was like, I'm not doing it.
I just want to sell because I can't do this.
I feel like shit.
The next night he came in,
hey, how you doing?
I'm dead.
I was like, you mother fucker.
You saw me in the bathroom.
You didn't say hi.
You made me sell the fuck outside
in the fucking parking lot.
He was the worst.
And then the old guy came in, that fucking weirdo.
And he was, he was trying to, old guy?
Yeah, he was a fucking old guy.
He was gay.
No, he's dead.
Oh, but he, they're both dead.
But he was like, he wanted me to be clean too.
Needless to say, I never went back to that fucking fight.
Yeah, Jesus see.
I ordered a beer once, I got a stage,
I ordered a beer and he looked, he goes like this,
he was on my shoulder.
Other bartender looked on my shoulder
and I looked around, I was like,
what are you looking at?
He was that guy, that old guy, and he goes,
fuck him.
Yeah, like, what?
How can you own a place that sells beer
and be pissed at people who drink beer?
That is cool.
I like the perfect.
Crazy. Crazy.
Yeah, well, anyways, I'm back there.
I did the live one.
I like the live.
Just those.
Is that a stand-up live?
Stand-up live, yeah.
Stand-up live is great.
And now, so the improv owns both.
Yeah, I'm doing both this time.
Doing one day at one and then two days at the other.
I'm doing, I'm just doing the tempi. So I guess, is one better than the other?
Oh, tempi, it's got an old feel to it.
tempi's a, I feel like is it a better club?
Is it a huge?
No, no, stand up live.
Stand up live, like, stand up huge.
Yeah, stand up live 600, the improv is like 440, I think.
It's still big, that's a big room.
440's big.
Oh, yeah, balcony, big balcony.
Yeah, the balcony's huge. the for the tempi. Yeah. Yeah. Why do they put balconies in fucking
calm? No, but it's a good field. That room's a good field. It is for a balcony room.
It's one of the better. Yeah. Is it the same place that it was in when Dan was right in
the same place? Yeah. So that little, mm-hmm. That's when the Adam Eget page runs the improv.
She worked there. Adam from the comedy store. He actually tried to bring me there once
when they were running some side room too, right?
Side room was massive.
Side room was like 180 seat room.
Where's that?
It's no, it's a bar now.
Oh, all things comedy just had the festival
at the at the Tempeo and Pro.
Oh, yeah, yeah, all over.
Yeah, fucking weird.
I remember that guy.
He would come to New York.
Dammo would come to New York.
He always want to hang out.
He wouldn't pay DS once until DS told him we were going.
Because I'll bring it to you later.
And DS is not having that shit.
We give my fucking checker a fucking stab you do.
You're not fucking coming out with us.
You're not holding a ransom.
They're going, I gotta get ready.
Tell me where you're gonna be later.
I'm fucking meeting you.
You gotta get ready.
Dude, get my fucking check.
Get the fuck out of here.
I took it to the checker.
It's already ready.
Just pay me my money.
You always want to hang out with you.
It's funny is that I was with, who's that guy, the pot guy?
Love cocaine.
Who's the guy with Doug Benson?
Doug Benson.
Doug Benson.
He was there, middling that weekend for me.
Really?
Yeah, but I think he was just coming in to a spot, middling, and we went out after with
all the staff,
talking shit about that.
Oh yeah, but they can't talk shit there
because there were bugs in the club.
Yeah, but he put up bugs.
That's what they say.
He talked with six.
We had this other place to talk shit about this guy.
So I jump in, find out fucking dogs, best bugs with him.
They're like best pals.
And I was like, dude, come on. He's got a tell on, bro. He must've. I got a tell on. I're like best pals. Oh, and I was like, dude, come on.
He's got a tell him, bro. He must have. I got to tell him. I never worked there again.
What's the cause of your yelled at him for not talking to you?
You should have done his best friend.
What the hell are you yelling at him for not talking to the bathroom?
I didn't, I didn't have to say anything about that. I did that to myself.
I was fucking furious. Furious. Who the fuck doesn't say hi to your headliner?
I could see if you were both peeing. I don't like to talk.
Okay, but what about after?
Yeah, on the hand washing, you say hello.
How about this, hey, Robert, I'm Dan. I'm the club. Thanks for coming.
Hey, I'll talk to you after you got those.
I'll keep you up with it.
I'll just wait out front.
Hey, is that my head shut?
I don't want to cut it off.
I don't want to cut it off.
You can't help this dick with one hand and shit your fucking hand.
You're bringing money into the place.
So, Mack, you got a podcast.
What is it? It's called keeping Joe.
Thanks for asking her.
Yeah, you're welcome.
What network is it on?
It's on ridecast.
The bow.
Big news coming.
Uh, we, we usually have a keyboard that works too.
Yeah.
Well, we're going to get that fixed stuff.
So angry right now.
I'm sorry.
Sorry, I shouldn't have brought that.
Where am I at the cashier?
What?
Where am I at the cashier theater? Oh, let's go to Joe right here. Uh, no, yeah,'t have brought that. Where am I at the Keshe, where am I at the Keshe theater?
Oh, let's go to Joe right here.
Uh, no, yeah, Keshe theater.
Go to it.
You got it?
I'm doing this.
Yeah, I'm of course, I'm going to Tempe this weekend.
And then I'm doing Mount Pleasant, blah, blah, blah, Gotham.
When is the Keshe week theater with, uh, rich,
boss, Jim Florentine, and Ron Bennington.
That's a fun lineup.
That's a great show.
Fucking great show.
We already saw the round, I think 800 tickets.
There's a few hundred left to get on it.
Get them now.
Go to Casuic theater and get your tickets now.
You go a show up day of show you're going to be an asshole because there'll be none
left.
Question.
Yes.
Why do you have a subway card? Because I take the subway sometimes.
Really?
Really?
Why do you have to get me a voice squeaky when you don't believe things?
I don't know.
Essentially, it's, I guess.
Oh, yes.
I take the subway.
Sometimes, when I come in for therapy, and I have other shit to do, I'll park up town,
take the subway down, take the subway all around, and then go back up at the end of
the night and go up there.
I love the subway. New York the subway all around, and then go back up at the end of the night and go up there.
I love the subway.
New York City subway is flawless.
Well, I mean, it does.
You don't ride the subway very, I don't know.
Yeah, I mean, I think, yeah, I think the smell of piss
when you walk down there.
I was gonna say that you know, people jerking off on there.
I like it when the changes doesn't show up,
or the train you're on doesn't stop where it's supposed to. Oh yeah, it just goes right by.
So I haven't taken the train in a while.
What I'm saying is these are all new flaws. I was gonna bring some of that up but
I'm not gonna do it. What? I'm not gonna do it. Not with this crew. Why? Because.
What's it about? I'll train going down. I know. You know, when I'm Brooklyn.
Yeah. He's gonna. I'm not gonna do it anyways
Do jerk off on a subway now. I never jerked off on a subway
I had a bad week this week was she humanly trafficked the dude you know what?
Oh, cuz you're broken ribs well
I found out that it was I found out that it was cracked, but now it's it is a fracture
It's a fracture. I went it started the cracking we came a fracture. No, I was a fracture. It's a fracture. It started the crack and we came a fracture.
No, it was a fracture.
The hospital I went to misdiagnosed me.
They said there was no broken ribs.
I went today and it's actually a fracture.
So practice, dude.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about money in your pocket.
Money to feed your kid.
Money to support the kind of causes you want to support.
I'm talking about money.
I built, he's billin' on Mike again.
You gotta get his safety.
You gotta get this taken care of.
He's not getting.
Mike, listen to me.
No.
They misdiagnosed you.
Did you walk too far?
Did you go in trying to be me to sign notes?
You go to the misdiagnosed hospital?
Yeah, but what about the place that you have a family?
What?
Do you have a family?
Michael settled that down money.
I do like money.
Then fucking listen to Bill.
I'm listening to him.
Shut it down, bro.
Shut down that hospital and take a whole thing operation because they
probably how many crack ribs are running around that nobody knows about.
Don't want to lie and come down telling you she you know she has a she has a
money paper groceries and she's not doing food stamps. I'm not a fucking food
stamps. Right no one has to know. I'm not. I'm not a fucking that money. Billie. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm know. I'm not on. I'm not on. I'm not on. I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on.
I'm not on. I'm not on. I'm not on. I'm not on. I'm not on. I'm not on. I'm not a malpractice in doctor. And what if you went to another doctor and they found two more crack fucking ribs? I mean, the doctor cracked your ribs, the first doctor.
That's not ruled that out.
Yeah.
I mean, the doctor cracked somehow.
Patron, doctor, malpractice, what's that?
I'm not a prokely.
I have not have the video.
You know what, even on the table then?
I have the video of me cracking my ribs.
And I put it on my Patreon.
I should put that out there for everybody.
Dude, he was going mock fucking five.
I want to see it.
You want to see it?
I can't bring it up.
Bring it up right here.
I'm gonna put this.
It's on the desktop.
Yeah, that's hot.
I, um, you want to see it?
He's got it right here.
He's got it right here, right down the bottom.
There it is.
See it?
Well, it is right here. I don't see where you're
talking about. It was pretty bad. I actually see us tied it, see us
I did and it's the the mat. There was no mat down the bottom and I hit dirt and
when the tube hit dirt, there was no friction and it stopped and bounced and
slipped in the fuck out. Okay, here we go. Yeah, this is me play that mother. I'm
gonna put this on Instagram tomorrow.
I'm gonna show him. I'm gonna pull out.
That's you.
There he is.
He's spinning.
Oh, he's hurting myself.
That's so funny.
Oh, what the fuck?
They're all going up there.
That's Max's head right there, just watching his dad.
Oh, right on the corner.
Oh, right on the corner.
Right on the corner. Oh, my snow there. Watch this is
No, watch watch the dirt. See this dirt the thing hits the dirt. Oh my god
Just a little further. Why isn't there snow there if I wasn't 300
I would have made into the balloon. I the expression glide all the way to it while I hit the dirt
If you have the pad down this there's there's less friction
In the corner to yeah, one time
Just grow back a little bit. You want to see it again?
That looks horribly I see the dirt. I hit the dirt full speed on it's coming up
Right there
Here we go. Yeah, I'm hurting right there. Dude. I feel it
I'm hurting right there dude. I feel it I'm bound so you're looking to break your arm. Oh, yeah, that was that was way worse than
I got me to first run first run first day. Oh, no, that was it. I
knew the bottom why do you do that? There's a whole bunch of
That's what is really there's a whole bunch of like restaurant kitchen
Carpets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they paid a bill. They paid a bill right they paid a medical bill no
Practice that's a lawsuit
You sign your life to lie to the paper from now on buddy. You I have to apply anyways. You're gonna own a place after this
This lossy they gave me a free by the way. have you wiped your ass? You use wipes, right?
Cause you haven't wiped your ass hole.
You haven't wiped your ass hole properly
if you don't use wipes.
You use wipes, right?
Sometimes wipes and sometimes do not.
I use a bidet.
A bidet can't hold a fucking.
You're out of your mind.
I'm gonna stretch to the shower.
A bidet gets in your ass hole.
I'll put a fucking bidet against a baby wipe any fucking day.
No, are you right?
Where are you gonna be coming up?
I got Miami and what's Paul?
What are you doing in Miami?
16 December, the new improv.
This is an improv.
I don't know, I'm going to test it.
No, it's not.
The old room was awful.
So the old room,
one side was big.
You're the stages in the middle, and it went to a V.
So you have to face like two thirds of the rest.
You have to face left and then give right a V. So you had a face like two thirds of the face left and then
give right a little bit of love. Yeah, it was right. The Cuban's ran that place. And
there was a agreement. I'm going to be talking. Oh, they fucking. I remember once I'm
there was a guy up front with two tear drop tattoos. And he was like, listen, motherfucker,
I'll laugh. He went, I'll laugh when I laugh and I went fair enough. Okay. And I yana na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na. I'm Robert Kelly. Take it easy,
guys. Fuck that. Oh boy. Oh, you get murdered fucking walking around there after.
Coconut grove. Coconut grove. Where is it now? It's somewhere else. We'll see. You know now.
Somewhere in Miami. Oh, I love, I love Joe Joe's all Joe's great. I love don't I love Joe Joe who's a judge of Miami the palm for a lot of
Oh, yeah, a lot of those go on to a lot of those going for a lot of this fucking gone
They open up a brand new casino. Have you seen it? It's shaped the hotel like a
Dead can shape like a fucking huge guitar the. Really? Like you're driving down the street and you just see this massive guitar.
Just in front of you and it's a hotel. Yeah, pretty well.
Um, just figure out that keyboard. Hard rock. That's an R.
Nice talking to you. Um,
it's done zero letters here. It's the worst.
Should have just had fucking mush and my care.
It's an answer, right?
No, he's the guy.
He's the best.
Really?
He's your new depot?
No, he's the new mushy mic.
Oh, I didn't know mushy mic moved over there.
Mushy mic's over there.
So all right, so you're there.
All right, dude, well, how long are you on?
How long's your on?
I'm gonna be fucked up.
Three months and then physical therapy.
Are you lefty? I am not. I'm
a righty. So it's not a big deal. All right. Nice. What's that going to fuck up anything?
For sure. Get on through it. And have limited range of motion. What about camping when
we go on our camping comedy camp? So it depends. I got to find out on Monday. What day
I'm getting it off, but I'd rather do when it's off than when it's still off. Okay.
But you can do comedy camp. We're not camping. Oh, we're just driving there. We can drive up.
I can do the broken rest. All right. So we're doing comedy camp. Are you in? No.
What's comedy? You don't even know what the fuck it is. I know what it is. I'm not doing it.
Just why? What do you mean why? Because I'm not fucking. I'm not. I was cold. Bobby. I was cold.
And I'm talking over. Sorry, I'm talking over. No, no, no, he's asking me why I'm not going camping.
Why aren't you going camping?
Because it was how to camp.
I was what is it?
Tell me what it is.
We're going up to a KLA and you can rent the cottage.
You can have a cottage if you want.
A cottage is intense.
Okay.
I'm going to do a tent.
Okay, I'll do a fire.
I'll do it on my hammock.
You got your hammock, right?
hammock.
hammock.
hammock.
hammock.
Okay, go there. Can we go can we go on the water? Can we go good canoeing? Oh, I got the, the, the, amic, AMOK. Go there. Can we go, can we go on the water?
Can we go, like canoeing?
Oh, I got the knife,
the fucking murdering people.
You know, you're not murdering people
with the fucking knife.
Say the guy made me the murder knife.
PJ Hunt.
PJ Hunt.
You're not gonna murder knife, dude.
He's got a lot on his hands.
He's got a lot on his hands.
When are you going?
I'm gonna set up the date.
Gabby was supposed to set up.
Listen, if you're in a cabin,
I'll tell you I'm gonna do
home invasion murder in there.
If you're in a tent, there might be a slash through murder. I'm gonna rent a couple cabins and I'm gonna get a cottage to set up. If you're in a cabin, I'll tell you I'm going to do home invasion mortar in there. If you're in a tent, that might be a slash through mortar.
I want to rent a couple cabins and I'm going to get a cottage and lock on.
I'm going to rent two campsites right in the same area.
So that, you know, me, Ari, whoever wants to camp or use the hammocks can stay over there.
And then whoever wants a cottage can have a cottage.
Oh, Dave, go to the lake.
Whoever's a sissy boy and he's going to the wall.
He's going to shut a door at night can go on the cottage.
Ari, what are the chances you're going to not be naked on that trip? What was a sissy boy and he said shut a door at night can go on the cottage
All right, what are the chances you're gonna not be naked on that trip?
They're gonna storm they got a shower they got a pool you can shit you can do everything there You can and then we're gonna go the next day. We're gonna go for a big hike come back have a massive cookout
And outsmoking yeah, everything oh big cigars. I'm bringing a box. Oh, God.
You had me a temple. So that's a temple.
It's a new booze, my friends. So you went.
Yes, yes, depends if I'm traveling. That sounds really fun.
I just want to do it with a different group of people.
Oh, shit. There's the amic right there. How great is that?
Have you used yours yet? No. Dude, I use mine.
Really? Oh, it's the shit. Yeah, we got those. Um, I cheer. What do you got, buddy?
Abbey Ed, Abbey Ed, uh, bananas comedy club March 22nd, 23rd, then I'm at the Tempe improv
April 4th through 7th. So, uh, so we're all at the Tempe improv.
Well, the Tempe improv. So make your decisions wisely, everybody.
Yeah. Well, just go to my family.
So it's like Mike Roger and Billy.
Glad us to get in book soon.
Yeah, I probably might not be there this weekend.
I'm gonna get the fucking flu. Dude, he fucking just threw it.
I can't.
No, I'm saying take, take some fucking
pop out of it.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I understand.
I'm telling you, you're going to and let's treat this almost immediately.
Sleep in tomorrow.
What?
Sleep at machine for sure.
Then April 11th through whatever.
I'm at the punchline in Philly.
You could check them all out.
What do you got, baby?
This weekend I'm in the Goobies near Baltimore. I just was there.
Oh, cool.
That's right.
That's what I want to fuck.
I had a great weekend, great shows.
Oh, nice.
I'm looking forward to it.
I've never been there before.
Then I got, then I got Philadelphia Helium coming up.
Then after that, I'm in Comedy,
Senator Vegas, then I'm doing a split weekend, the new Huntsville Club and Zany's Nashville.
So, oh, much fourth, we're doing a big charity benefit if you're in New York City goes to Keen, which provides
extra exercise opportunities for children with developmental disabilities. It's the village
underground APM, all star lineup. Come to Zonet. Who's on it?
David Tell, Michelle Wolf. I said all star, but maybe we can get...
Maybe we can do that better for that guy in the couch.
Get him some exercise. How's that? You're still, is that all of us a different medellel? Yeah. Cool. So you didn't invite any of us on the ball star lineup.
I'll get you guys for the next one. I don't think one that level, bro. Huh?
We're not that level. What level? Oh, see.
Reloading. What level is that? There's a lot of levels on that channel.
There's a lot of levels.
Sam's kind of, I had one space, you know, I do hate nothing but discuss from you.
I do hate Sam more real.
He's just a talentless hack.
Yeah, why would you, why would you, he's my best friend.
Becky, what do you got, baby?
There's a mic right there, sweetie.
Oh, sorry. Human places on Instagram. I mean, baby? There's a mic right there, sweetie. Oh, sorry human places on Instagram. I mean look show them the shirt right there. Look at that shirt
Slippy hand back. We are the dudes
All right, you want these shirts make sure you email
What's it coming black to the coming triple extra large?
For my fans. Yeah
You think I ever I know the three smalls if I haven't get t-shirts made it's yeah, can I a three smalls. If I haven't get T-shirts made,
can I get three smalls, the rest, double X and triple X?
I need to forget the smalls,
just get women's quadruple X tomorrow.
I got big fans.
Yeah.
And they should count double for my bonuses.
Nothing, wow.
What do you get there, Fucking Mike 2.0.
Hey, I'm at my cabrousie on all social media and I have a podcast called a little time and
I don't do any typing on it.
Are we going to fix the keyboard? I would like to. Okay.
I feel like it's on you to get a new keyboard.
New keyboards here. Chrissy, what do you got, buddy? Made the t-shirts, by the way.
Right? Yeah, I
did. Yeah, they both hands are the factory. Yes. Becky's house. Yes. I love that. You love
that, Cher? It's pretty cool. You'd love you'd look good. What is the Chinese
shirt? Huh? What do you think it says? Dude, there you go. Is this a dude? Dude. I mean,
who actually knows? I used Google Translate, so I could say anything, but I'm pretty sure
it says, dude.
Not that chiny on all accounts and not that chiny.com.
Yeah, we're gonna be putting all these t-shirts up there.
We're gonna be, make sure you go to my Patreon.
We actually got a great podcast with me, Nate Bergazzi,
and Verzi on the proofs.
Yeah, in the cigar lounge, up on my patreon.com.
If you want to our lounge on the boat
Oh, so good does me a version of every night
You go on the belt can you smoke?
No, I love that we did that one every comic who didn't know crap and we had the whole crap stable
And we were making money it was 20 bucks. I sat down he goes I got to play crap
I had 20 bucks. I walked away with what seven seven fifty. Yeah, I was no way good
I was neat when I'm not no one had a play to like yeah, like everybody was going
Everybody made a few hundred ciphers sounds as we all make a money and then fucking the mush Derosa
Okay, sitting the holding chips in his hand going yeah, it's gone, dude. It's not yeah, it's over
I'm like you have dicing it roll the dice before it's over
Fuck terrible
Anyways, all right. I love you guys. You're the best see you next week. You know what the
You've been listening to YKWD podcast
Thanks for listening
Now go back to your shitty jobs shitty jobs
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