Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Jared Freid | Dating Advice

Episode Date: March 10, 2024

This week, Bobby is joined by Jared Freid; they talk about Jared's worst date he's been on, his dream job in the industry, and how much he likes the Golden Bachelor. #comedy #thebachelor #dating FOLLOW JARED https://www.instagram.com/jaredfreid/?hl=en Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Alright, we got from Sam. What's the weirdest thirsty DM you've gotten from a woman? Ooh, it's a good one. I have nice tits and I think you're funny. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm from blank and my license is suspended, but maybe I could fly. Let me know, gives their number. Again, I want you to know I have big titties. Good day. Anyway, good days.

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude, live. Welcome, everybody, to the show. I started the social media podcast. The fact. The YKWD podcast, YKW is back again. Home school, back in the day, where it all started before them all. YKW, YKW, this podcast is so fun and crazy and has no rules.

God help you ruining this. We're the barbana man. Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's the podcast done. Sorry, it's Comedy Podcast. This isn't NPR. Is there any better show? This is the original. What's up everybody? It's Robert Kelly back here at the Comedy Cellar Studios above the world famous Comedy Cellar and we're doing the YKWD. You know what, dude? Podcast.

I want to thank everybody who's watching on YouTube. Click that subscribe button, like, and leave some comments in there. If you want to support the show, go to patreon.com. Slash Robert Kelly and become a supporter. You guys are awesome. It doesn't cost that much, but you really do. You help out things when I got to pay these autistic weirdos. Did I just swear? Yeah. Beep that. Apparently you can't swear the first time. I don't know

what I had the rules of the games have changed. But you know what? Everything's the same. I don't I'm sick of catching up with it. We're just going to do this thing. But I got a great guest. I'm very happy. He's one of my favorites. He's from bean town. He's killing it. And Jared freed everybody. What's up? Great to be how are you? Good to see you. Thank you for having me. It's good to see you. I walked into this. Yeah, it's me and you baby. Really different than the one what the know, what do that I remember? The ball with all the people.

All the people. Well, is this is this your Larry King era? Is this your Jared? I'm gay. Oh, and the new show. I'm happy for you. Is a little bit gay. Little. I like it.

I like it. We needed to go a little bit. I just couldn't do it. I still do it. I do the regs. Yeah, which is us, you know, me, Dan Lewis and Joe. And that's pretty high speed, which is what the couldn't handle it. No, you can. No, but I can't do like the YKWD dude. It's like a three hour episode. I have 15 people on every once in a while I do yeah, but it was like I just want to kind of talk to one person I just want to hang out a little bit can get a little you know exhausting. I'm sure I think I think it's a fan base and It's a young man's game to have like you know five people on a show it's a lot and to keep you got to have that I Lost a little edge, but in a good way Okay, I'm not I got happy in life and that was what made you Not want to have to sit there and make fun of five people at once when I was kind of a little more angry

Yeah, and a little bit like shut the good cop. Well, you wanted the Roman Coliseum I need it. I needed the ability to go. Yeah, dude, shut up. Go ahead. Talk. I don't have that anymore. Change the channel. Yeah, just, you know, I mean, I almost fought a bunch of people on the show. Really? Yeah. Yeah, that's the point where you're doing a podcast. It's supposed to be fun. You're like, you want to fight? Well, yeah, it was a couple times, but I and I and I wound up having, I don't know what it was. I had a some one person on one time and I was like, Oh, yeah, it was a couple of times, but I, and I, and I wound up having, I don't know what it was, I had a, some one person on one time and I was like, oh dude, this is so much funner right now. And it's, I think it's more interesting for the people to listen to.

Well, I was talking to myself actually, you mentioned something funny, you're like, can I swear in the first whatever minute? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It is interesting that we're all praying to Father algorithm. It's like a God. That's the new God and they and you're wondering what works what doesn't when what really works and when you really think about it It's like when you're having the most fun. I know this is hokey

But if like you're enjoying it it will find the people you would want to find it. It's the only way. It's the only way, and that's a little hokey. That's a little weird. It's a little... My Instagram followers are abysmal. Abysmal. And I don't... And it doesn't...

We put a clip up a couple of weeks ago, a million six. And me and Danny, we were celebrating like we did it. Right. Like were you happy? Like FX picked up our pilot. Were you genuinely happy? Yeah, we were like, hey man. Was it the number?

Well, no. It was like. If you just said a million six and you got nobody out of that. No, we got thousands of people. We were getting new people and we were like. And the people you wanted. Yeah, I was like dude. This is great It's great. It was nice clip from a comedy connection. It looked pretty. It was great

Right, you got and we were like bang we did it This is what it's all about. We set out that weekend. We recorded everything Yeah to have clips from that shows to put on our so you know I mean and I mean we were celebrated It really it felt like I it was like yeah, we're gonna we're gonna pick up the pilot. I mean that like the 19 listen man 1998 feeling I was put early on internet stuff from minute one. So I like know the dragon that's being chased Yeah, you know as much as anyone I think like it's a it is man if you it's a drug It is a drug and and you have good internet weeks, you have bad internet weeks and I feel sad even saying that but I've, you know, it's

interesting for me, like I've come to terms with it, like you gotta put out something you like, you gotta put out stuff that is consistent, like when I yell at the bachelor I have the most fun yelling at the bachelor. I love doing it and when it's a week that people really have fun with it I'm like Genuinely happy with it and it's like I can feel that and it's like it is my own show just like you said getting your show picked up Like I get to put on my own show that I like to do every week. Yeah, I think that's why I'm happy right now, too It's I'm doing the bonfire with one of the most talented Broadcasters

Right now ever. I mean, I think Big J is as fast and as interesting as anybody has ever been behind the mic on a radio show. He's got the calmness of Bennington, the wit and speed of Norton, and I believe he has the humbleness and the just the openness of any comic right to expose himself and take a hit he's vulnerable vulnerable very so and then you were describing like a retired hitman just well I mean he's he's just that got the he's got the I mean, why Dan left is beyond me. No.

He left that seat open for you. Have you ever been to Milwaukee and had a Bloody Mary there? No. I don't drink. Go to Bloody Mary, Milwaukee, the menu. You can see a whole menu of Bloody Mary stuff. And it's a bar that's actually known for it.

It's stupid. It's, well, they'll do like a full turkey dinner. But I, ugh, I don't, I, it's disgusting. I mean the issue with it is that, yeah, this is the original Bloody Mary bar. It's not a, yeah, Soblemans. And they have a menu that you can choose Bloody Mary's off of.

And they're doing it. Like that's the, and then it's like, you're getting a bad Bloody Mary and a bad meal. That's the problem. They do both pretty badly. It's a Bloody Mary, can I just say is disgusting. I would disagree with you. I mean, I just, I think they're great.

Why would you disagree with me like that? I'm just saying. Who does that? I'm just saying what you're saying is wrong to me. I a well made Mary that has like the flex of horse radish in it that has some like TLC put behind it. What's the problem with the Bloody Mary is that it's been commoditized. It's been put into like bottles and people just take a ketchup bottle and they squirt it in the vodka. I'm gonna tell you what the problem with the Bloody Mary is

What's that? It's dead tomato juice. You're not getting them from the right places There's no good a tomato is for I think a sea is a salad three things a salad a pizza a sandwich a pizza Tomato tomato sauce. That's that's a Tomato a tomato. Mmm that You know you wouldn't take a bite out of a good tomato. Would that gross you out? I don't think it grossed me out, but I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't go, ehhhhh.

But I wouldn't do it. I needed it sliced up on a sandwich. This is something douchey people say when they come back from Italy and Greece and from Europe, but the tomatoes and onions do taste different there than here. You realize why we have food issues here. Now you're going to a different ballpark. What I'm saying, I'm just saying, if you try the tomato and another... If an old lady was like, try the tomato, of course I would bite that tomato.

And then I would go, oh my God. Oh my God. Right. If you're biting an onion, yeah, and you're like, wow, that's a different thing. It is one of those things that you like become a little like, oh America, you think you're so great. Like it changes your view on the country. The food in Italy was ridiculous.

You had a salad there, like the tomato. I had everything there. Right, and you go, I can't believe I'm tasting things. Even. What do you know? In foods that I recognize. Even in the fucking like the hotel. Right. Which the hotels don't have usually, oh my god, food, right? It was just, I ate dinner there. It was the most amazing pasta dish I've ever had with the appetizer. Everything was holy. Every piece of food I got there was pretty much. And you're satiated. You're not full. I'm having right now. I'm having emotional memories of being on that street. Right. On that. I remember the street and that night and I went and got dinner and I had a gelato. And I just remember the feeling of joy I had. Right. And I just felt great,

even though I was fat. I mean, I went from, I was in Barcelona and I was getting egg white omelettes in Barcelona, flew to Chicago, did the same order. And the egg that I got in Chicago was this far off the table and I was like, what are we doing to ourselves here? You have a moment of like, I'm fucking with my own body. We're fucking dying. We're killing everything that we eat is shit. I have, I have to

have dongle. I look at the directions. If there's more than 15 things, I'm out. Right. I don't want it in the house. If it says enriched, I'm don't get it because it's not real. Get bread that says three things or four things. You can't get it. Well, then you have to go to like the bread guy. It's just not how we live. Like we go to the market, you get the week's worth of food, and the idea of going to get the bread for the day is a very foreign thing. Yeah, but it is a, it's actually is a very foreign thing because that's what they do. Right. They get the bread for day, and they go the next day to the bakery. Oh, they'll get two loaves for two days. The day old bread is because you gotta go get another loaf.

Right, right, that's the whole industry. It's an industry. I remember it in Belgium, it was like, you, the guy was telling me, he goes, we go to the market for a couple days. Our fridge is small, our apartment's small. We don't have these big things. Right, no, it's not how they do it.

And you go, you do have a moment of like, what are we doing here? But then we're caught in it. You know, like I'm not gonna not, you know, tonight for dinner I made my own dinner. It was all packaged, but it was like ready for me. Was it all your factor meals? No, I made my own dinner. It was all packaged, but it was like ready for me. Was it all your factor meals?

No. I'm holding a factor in the fridge ready to go. It was like, no, I just took the vegetables and put it in the pan. They were already precut. Chicken that's in a bag, precooked. Yeah, but you... And it's just like, that wouldn't happen anywhere else

in the world, but I am as American as it gets in that sense. I'm like fast and easy. I'm trying not to be, dude. I lost all that weight, but I'm at the point now where I could easily go backwards, not fully. Osempic? No. No. No.

No. Why not? No. Why? What's your reason? Are you doing it? My dad is on it. Is he, he hates it? He gets his- He doesn't- My dad is on it. Is he hates it? He gets his-

He doesn't, my dad is like a conspiracy theorist, you know, at heart. He doesn't trust anything. And he texted my brother and I, he goes, he goes, I'm going on it. It was like this coming out text. He was like, going on Osempic, don't think it works. We'll give it a shot.

And my mom has said that, and they say, the things I've read is that Osempic is as much an addiction drug as it is whatever people are doing for weight loss. So she said he doesn't graze as much and his thing was used to be just start and never stop. And I'm that way too. If I get on a bend, I'm going to start and never stop. And when you hear that that's what it helps, you kind of like go, oh, this could be, they say for drinking cigarettes, you want all that stuff less. So, you know, I know the immediate thing is to make fun of it. I would. I would make fun of it. I know that I got the stomach surgery.

I know. And that, that was like being in the closet too. I remember, I remember telling all my guys at the cigar lounge, hey guys, I got stomach surgery. Like I'm gay. Why did you feel weird about it? Because dude, as a man, as a man, sure, you're supposed to go do it. You man up, you Goggins, you get up in front, you know what I mean? You want to get up and just get to it even if it hurts and you think that you have that and then when you have to realize Oh, I don't I don't I can't I'm not Rogan I'm not Goggans. I'm not

Marky Mark blah blah blah some people can I I maybe I could get that someday Maybe I can see themselves. I just you like, I'm not Marky Mark. I'm not Goggins. I'm not the rock. Well, you look at, well, you're looking at people. It's not that I see myself at that. That's not even at all what I'm saying. What I'm saying is you look at those people as,

as you would look at a sponsor in AA. You're looking at that guy like I want what he has. You had jokes. You have, you had bits about being like a dick food addiction. Yeah. So you fully were talking about it. As an addict, you're not going to address that issue. You're not going to deal with that.

You're going to disguise it. You're going to fight it. And you have to hit that bottom to where you're like, I got to do whatever I got to do, which is the first step, which is powerless. I'm, I will, I'm, I can, it's me using my willpower to get that done. And I had to come to the point where I can't, I can't do it.

I have to give up, go get help. And so when I did that, in my brain, I felt guilty in my brain. Even after, even when I got I got sober sober you feel like shit I couldn't do when I could smoking right well I have that with alcohol I think in my life where I understand the idea of like oh It was the last time the last time yeah, I'll be better the next time I I I know the problem here

I can do better like I you know, I have a dirty martini. That's what I've been drinking lately. Right. Two dirty martinis is like the proper, I mean, there's that old joke, like, martinis are like boobs if you've had two's the right amount. Yeah. One's not enough, three's too many. Yeah, three's another planet. Right.

And I can get up to like four or five at this point. And in my mind, I'm like, that's too many martinis. I know that for a fact. I know the numbers too for you to get that buzz and feel good and have your night. And then I'm like, ah, you know, and then you kind of convince yourself and you go, well, I won't do that again the next day. You know, I understand that. Well, alcohol Well alcohol, I mean alcohol to me is so much more dangerous. I'll wind up in jail. I'll fucking kill somebody. You know what I mean?

So like when I go on alcohol, when I used to go on alcohol, I used to go away. You know, so it's like food to me was the worst. That's terrible and scary to me, but food was the worst because I- You didn't see a consequence of it. It's an emotional hangover that I feel. It's nothing you could see.

No one else could see. You could see me fucking grab somebody and punch them in the fucking face and then wake up the next day and be like, what? What happened? What happened? I'm sorry. You know what I mean? That never happened with food.

It wouldn't affect other people. It wouldn't affect other people. It just affected me, which I was fine with, you know, until it was like, I got to go do some I was gonna they wanted to put me on those epic. And I wouldn't have worked for me. Why do you think that I the having the surgery was the thing that it was like this, my I went on I went to my stomach I I told you, went to rehab. Well, I was walking around working,

my stomach was over in rehab, just getting healthy. My brain was connecting with it. I'm done, I'm full, that's enough. I don't wanna have that, that's not good. Give me another option. So the surgery made it more real to you? The ozepic, maybe not make me, it wouldn't make me graze, but I'd still eat still eat shitty and then you know what I could also do stop taking it at any time

Right down you can't I can't make my stomach bigger. That's interesting. Yeah, I didn't think of that way I mean you have you seen like Gaffigan? No, I mean what do you I've seen him, but what do you mean? I mean he's on Ozepic Majaro or something the other one. Oh, the other one. He's doing a whole set about it. It's great. Well, like, Big J and Christine went on it and they were sick every day.

Felt sick. Sick every day, throwing up and they hate. Are they losing, are they all? They were, but they quit because they couldn't take it. Just the feeling. They just couldn't take the nauseous. See, I like the idea of, like, when you read these things

about the addiction element of it, I'm like, man, if it would make me have the two drinks instead of the four, but then I go just like you, I go, be an adult, just have fucking two drinks, stop being an asshole. I don't go, I go to meetings. Well, I'm not there yet. I'm not that guy.

I go to meetings all the time. I had to go back, I had to go, I got dry that, I'm not that guy. I go to meetings all the time. I had to go back. I had to go, I got dry in sobriety, you understand? So when I was, that means I was walking around, not drinking, but still a dry drunk. I still had all the bullshit of a, of a, of a, using drug addict alcoholic. What do you mean?

What is that? I would fucking do fucked up shit. You'd be angry. You'd be, I do all up shit. You'd be angry. I'd do all this shit and it was like, listen man, you know, I got to go and, you know, get sober. I got to go to meetings. I got to help other people.

I got to do things in the program that keep people sober and progress them into life to where, yeah, you may not drink, but you're not progressing in your personal life. You're not evolving at all. Spiritually, physically, or mentally, I was fucking constantly hitting an emotional bottom. And then the worst part, having emotional hangovers. An emotional hangover is terrible. Waking up the next day going, fuck, And having all this stuff to think about that you did the day before. The failures. I wasn't gonna do this, but I did it.

I said I wasn't gonna do that, but I did it. I fucking said this to them. I did that to them and now I gotta go back. And you weren't even drinking. Wasn't drinking. But you were doing the drunk thing. Doing the drunk things. Doing the attic things inside. Now you're wearing bracelets, you've made it.

Someone gave me a bracelet at the show. Ah, that's why you just set me up. And then you told me, you've heard that you have fucking Taylor Swift bracelets. I went at the show, just came up to me, they go, Jared, I just. I actually had that one too, I got shifted, my wife made me take it off. I had one of these, a girl at the show. It's nice that Taylor did this for the world. I had it off for a week and then my wife was going to take it off. And then I bought this one and she was mad at me for getting

this. Why? What's that one? It's just a little bracelet. Got a skull on it? No, it's got a, this one is Max's. Okay. That got the skull, but he left it at a fucking restaurant. So I put it on my wrist. And then the only one I really bought,

and this one you wanna hear how superstitious I am? See this? Yeah. This is from Comics Come Home. Come on. And somebody said, dude, red is good for money and prosperity, don't take that off. Yeah, Chinese and the Chinese New Year.

So I said, I never, I've so scared to take it off When did you how long ago was that was September and you kept it on because one random person was like that's good One one motherfucker was like dude. That's good And but after that something happened. Yeah, and then something happened got a scratch and stuff stuff kept happening Yeah, and even this week I was like maybe I'll just cut this off and then a residual check came in even this week, I was like, maybe I'll just cut this off. And then a residual check came in from a movie. And I was like, I'm not cutting this off. I'll cut it off. But I have to get a I have to get another red thing on

here. I got to get something else read. Red bracelet. I'm crazy with that. With this one, the red one. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. It's just on 17 years. Don, I'm 100% you're right. Don hates, and she made bracelets. She was a jewelry maker for a minute, a couple years, like 10 years ago.

And she sees that and she's like, get that off. She hates the bracelets. You take them off at night, do you go to bed with them on? No. No, I think. You have a little bracelet. I have a little hand. I have a little hand? No, I think you have a little bracelet like I have a little hand that like no, I don't cause I have a small hand. Where are you going to put yours?

I don't know. I'm gonna put it in my jewelry box. You have a jewelry box. I don't have a hand. Passed out from your grandmother. Yeah, I got a little jewelry box. I'll put it in there. I don't know, dude, I think that the the alcohol one's the toughest one. But the I mean, tough and terrible, because it's the unknown. But I think the food one is the worst of them all, because it sneaks up on you. And guess what? Nobody cares. If you get fat, if you go get fat, dude, and you know, you've

put on weight. Nobody says anything. No. Nobody says anything and they'll let you get as big as you, they'll let you turn into a fat fuck. Right. Jared. And it'll go behind your back. Because you're out of the game. What's the game?

The, you're a fucking good looking young buck. You know what I mean? You got a fucking great energy. You know how to fucking, you're a business man. You know what I mean? You got a fucking great energy. You know how to fucking, you're a business man. You know how to get your shit. You walk in a room. You've never been the guy that was intimidated or, you know, you never had that little, you never had that thing like,

hey guys, hey, what's up? You always had confidence of who you were. And once you get to become a fat fuck and you walk in, it's like, believe me, they're like, because I used to be that guy, I used to walk, what's up, what's going on, shredded. You get fat, all of a sudden I'm 360. And people after the fact, when I lost the weight,

was like, dude, we were worried. It's like, you didn't say shit. Right, right, right, it would have helped if you, but it would have said something. Who would you have listened to? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter just to know what you stood with people. Jay is like, oh, we talk behind your back all the time. You know what I mean? Right. Right. Oh, they love it. Yeah. As soon as you put on a few, a few niggas. Well, then they got you. You know,

they, what do you mean? They got, you know, got something to fucking feel better about themselves. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. As soon as you get fat, you're out of the game. Right. You're not that the, you're not the one they're afraid of. Right. You're not the one that they're like, oh, that guy's got it together.

Oh, he's fat too. Oh, he's a fat. Oh, good. He's fucked up. Right. You know what I mean? And it's a sad thing because it would all, it would be awesome if we could just be like, yo yo man, what do you need?

I got you, let's go work out, let's do something. But nobody has time for that. No. With an adult with their own lives. Are you worried about getting big? I mean, yeah, I think about it every day. Every single day. I think about food body weight every day.

You know, this is the reality of it. It sucks. And you have to, can I say something, dude? Because you have to really worry about it because you're in that game. What's the game? You're in the game of, you got fucking chicks. I've never seen, I mean, I mean, Matt Reif now probably.

But when I saw your shows, I was, I wasn't fucking like, wow, I was in awe. Well, I remember when Liz made me watch one of your shows at the movie theater. Um, we were, they were doing the thing and I went to go see it and we sat down and watched your show and I was like, dude, you, it's all fucking girls. Yeah. It's all chicks. Well, it's also. There's no dudes. No, dude. It's also very

I see it as very familial They don't see me as like, you know, rife. I think is very different. I think when they go to his show Yeah, you're like uh, and they're like they're looking for your friend a boy band element They want to fuck him. They want to be hang with you. They want to hang with me Okay, and they think I'm an older brother type. I'm a younger brother type. I'm a guy that they can laugh with. That's in on the joke. But it's all women. Yeah, I mean, do you I mean, do you wish that there was guys at your show? Some of them? They're more and more they're

coming in the husbands, the boyfriends, you know, they get brought and they're coming in. Are they the fucking cock? No, come on, sit down, sit down. No, it's you. Tell him. You know what I'm saying? I've had one instance. If a girl was like, too, come see this comic,

I'm like, go fuck yourself. Well, that's the problem I have is that men wanna show their girlfriends funny things. Men wanna own funny. And they wanna go, let me show you how funny I am for knowing the funny guy. So what happens is at my shows is you have a lot of women that come together as friends,

which is like awesome, they're the best audience. It's the gayest thing you've ever seen. It's the truest thing I've ever seen. I'm saying that. It's the gayest thing I've ever seen. They're awesome. They're awesome. And they're like, bring your bracelet up when you say that.

They have a, and then we all paint each other's nails. And then we get, it's the funnest thing I've ever done. I get compliments from the clubs. They're like, this is awesome. They're fun, they're great. I would love to really sit here and trash you for it. But when I saw it, number one, funny. Number two, the girls were,

the things that they were doing were funny. Oh yeah, they're in on it. You know, like that. They're in on the game. Well, here's the thing, when we know at clubs, we're like, oh no, you know, the worst, everyone's like a drunk woman's like the worst thing that could happen in a show.

The worst drunk white woman. Drunk white woman is like, has this thing where people, but I believe it is because they don't wanna be there. They don't trust it. A boyfriend brought them, they're watching someone do material that they're like, is this what my boyfriend's into? And then they're like, fuck this,

I'm gonna start drinking a little bit faster because I got nothing to do. Then they get a little hammered and they're gonna be heard. And I, the women that- I'm gonna say it right now, you're not defending that. I'm not defending that.

You're not defending that. I'm saying that that woman isn't at my show. Oh, good. I'm saying that when those women come to my show, they're with their friends, they're in on the joke. You can do any material. I don't have to do dating. I don't have to do bachelor.

I do my fucking act. And then the boyfriend, I've only had one instance where the boyfriend was on it. Like I had a thing with him, but for the most part, this guy, I'll never forget it, it was in Nashville years ago, and it was a late show Saturday, and this guy was like angry. He was there with his girlfriend, his girlfriend is like, and you could tell you when a couple's in a fight, I'm like,

what has happened here? And I give dating advice. I talk about dating openly as a guy. And I think a lot of the guys that come, they're like, who's this guy lying to my girlfriend? And then they realize very quickly that there's no lie being told, I'm them. But I just say it better than they can. So I am on stage and this guy's like, I'm like, are you okay? He's like, nah, dude, every time we fight,

she's always like, Jared says. And I'd fucking divorce her. I'm not even, if Don and Jack, I'd be like, Jared says. And- I'd fucking divorce her. I'm not even kidding. If Don had gone with, I'd be like, goodbye. Hey, Rax, get the fuck out and go hang with Jared. Go make him a bracelet. He loves him. And he literally, I was like, yeah, that's a good point.

I would hate me too. Because I'm also not saying anything that's too like crazy. Like I don't go on, you know, you see these TikTokers that are giving dating advice, well, you know, I'm not doing lines. I'm like, yeah, this is how I'd act in that situation. And I'm telling them exactly what I would do in the same situation.

I'm probably 10% away from their boyfriend. So then I was, I remember like, I had this one interaction with them. And then six months later, I was like, I was dating someone and we got in this argument and she was like, well, you said, and I'm like, fuck that dude. Like it was like the same thing.

Like I hated me because I had outed myself on the podcast. These people know that you're not a professional. Right, they should know. You're a comedian. Right, who's just talking out of his ass about dating. Right. But they take it pretty seriously because like, I'm not really being extreme with it.

Like, I'm not. So they're taking your word for like, he said this. This is real. I have no reason not to. I don't go for the joke first. I always give advice first and hopefully it's funny. You give the vice and hopefully it's funny. I give, I don't like calling it advice.

I would say how I felt in that exact situation. So when you do these things, right? Mm-hmm. You have all these girls. You have a girlfriend? No. You don't. So my question is this.

You're gonna go out there, you're gonna do this stuff, you do your shows, and then you go talk about your relationships on these shows. This is where you get your information from, right? Sure, but now I have got me. Hang on, let me ask you a question before you fucking... All right. I know you're a fucking alpha male. Hang on for a second.

All right. I got you. You took a fucking public speaking course and you know how to fucking rule a room just relax. Do the girls get nervous dating you because they might wind up on one of these shows and now they have to be with you and be kind of careful because whatever goes wrong whatever they do what you're gonna go I was with this girl and they're gonna be part of that show is that a thing like they nervous dating you I would assume that that's run through every girl who's ever gone on a date with me mind yeah has to because they know who you are because they know that like I have a show that is about

dating so you're kind of right now right she's outside angry so I'm talking about me when are you coming back you said you said you be done with this fucking tub of shit in ten minutes You said you I'm gonna go in and tell me fuck it's an 11 o'clock podcast. It took my podcast I'm gonna tell me go fuck off and I'll be out I have a friend that has a friend that went on a date with you. Oh, that's Danny one of the producers of the show Danny What? Here's my gotcha. I have a friend that... When she walked in, I got a mold of it.

I got a luxury lounge complaint. I have a friend that has a friend that went on a date with you. Okay. And she did, you talked about the date afterwards on the podcast and she definitely didn't like that and that was the reason in her mind Not to go on a second date. What was the story? I don't fully know. I didn't hear enough, but okay

Well, what is saying is I understand what he's saying because if I was gonna date you You'd have to actually meet somebody that doesn't even know who the fuck you are to have a chance at it being totally organic and and and comfortable for her because if I if I know you and then I score you as a chick because it is a score because you don't know me I know you right so you're here I'm here and I want to come up to hear with you but if it doesn't work out you're gonna dump me back down to here and you're gonna here's anything goes wrong out, you're gonna dump me back down to here. And you're gonna uh, here's where I was. And if anything goes wrong with that, you're gonna lose a fan. Here's where I would disagree. When I talk about my dating life, I talk about me. So if I, in this particular scenario, I don't know what I said, but I'm pretty positive.

When I talk about a date I went on, I'll say a scenario that came up and it won't be like, so and so did this. It would be, I would never say the name. I made the mistake way back when, but I would never. You did that. Way back when and I regretted it. And now and now, meaning for a decade, I've been pretty careful to be like on air

when I talk about dating and my experience. It's my experience. I'm not looking to like hammer zone. I've been in dates where something happens weird and I go, what would you do in this scenario? This is happening to me. But if nobody wants to hear it. And I can understand they hear it. Yeah, nobody wants to hear it.

Nobody wants to hear. They get red face and they get purple. Nobody wants to hear. Someone's actually. I don't want to hear you talking about our date. Right. With a bunch of betches. Well.

And because it's like I may oh no I'm one of them I'm one of them I want to because you think like you in your brain you're like I'm different I'm different we're gonna sure I'm way you might be my boyfriend I talk about every dating thing in my life right in the same way well that's a thing that could feel like you're again one of them but that's what I'm saying it's like I'm gonna be one of them because he's gonna yap about it He's gonna he has to take this and bring it over to here to all these other people and use me as An example of something that he went through so sure, but I mean that's as girls have ever said anything about that

Yeah, I Tend to believe that I do a pretty good job of it. Like I can understand why someone would feel upset by it because you're hearing someone's honest opinion after a date of a scenario that happened and maybe why they didn't like it or why they didn't like how they felt. And I think we all deserve to have a feeling on a date

and to go on and go, you know, I felt this way and this thing happened and- Yeah, but not people gonna go out and thousands of people gonna hear it. Well, I can understand where they feel like everyone's talking about them, but no one knows it's them. Like, there's no one that's like- Right.

I know, but nobody knows it's them, but they know it's them. Sure. And now the thing that they love, the podcast that they loved, and they're listening to it like, oh, fuck that. That's weird. Who's that bitch? I'm not going out with someone who loves the podcast. Oh really?

Yeah, that's not my go-to. You never dated a fan fan? I mean, I've dated people who have liked it or have listened before, but no one that's told me I love the podcast and I'm like, let's go out. You never dated a chick that doesn't blink when she talks to you? No.

I love it. I, it's been a bit. No, I mean, I'm sure I've been with people who have liked what I do, but I don't. Are you, is this the, is this, what's the end game for this? What are you, what is your, like I always think of you going on TV, being on E,

or being on a network, doing like hosting a show. What, when the fuck is that happening? I don't know if those shows exist anymore. Like I think like The natural thing for me is I would love to like Be like a Regis like I would love to do a daytime. Why are you? Um, it just hasn't come up. It's how come you're not doing that now? I mean, I don't know what that would be.

Couldn't you do a daily? I mean, every day, like a four day a week, wake up in the morning and you're on YouTube doing a show with somebody? I mean, that's a lot of work. I mean, I brought that up years ago to Betches to see if they wanted to do something like that where we would do like our version of like a daily,

you know, because everything was moving to online. Like it was years ago where I was like, we should just do daytime TV, but for the next generation where they would watch it, it never really moved forward. But, and you need like, you know, you need a whole staff. That's like a whole job, you know? I know, but that staff you could get now easier than before.

Now you could. I I mean look at these guys They're all here at 11 o'clock, but they would have been up fucking counting shit and playing with trains anyways I'm actually doing them a favor right And the other way let me ask you another question. What was the worst date you ever had with a girl? See that's a thing. I would I don't really have like bad dates. You never had a bad one in your life? You have situations that were like, that were like not what you would hope for.

I'll tell you what I mean then. Okay, go ahead. Because I don't think you're being truthful. There's no, I don't think you're being truthful. I think you're, whatever, you're sticking to brand or something. No, no. Because there's no way you, knowing you.

Sure. And I think you've probably matured over the last 10 years, but who you were before, you're a good looking kid, man. There's no way you didn't have dates in your life that wasn't a bad date, like a terrible date. I mean, I- I'll tell you mine, maybe this will flush out your memory. And I, you want another water buddy?

Can I get a water for Jared? I went on a date, met her at the Boston Comedy Club, Italian. Staten Island. Staten Island, Italian. I mean, smoking. And we talked, we hung out, we shot the shit out front. She was with her girlfriend, cut her from the pack. You know, you always try to cut them from the pack. And if they don't go, you know it's not, but if they come with you, we sat over on the wall by the fight,

I mean talking like we knew each other. Right. She was leaning on the wall, I was kind of holding up the wall with her, blah, blah, blah, blah. Actually, Leigh and they gave me a kiss. Good night. On the lips. Like that. Fuck. I'm done. I'm out. I'm out. Take my keys. Take my car. I'm out. I'm retired. Right. I'm done. Going on a date. That Sunday. I lived on 97 and Lex. Shitithole back then, me and Billy Berkshire at the apartment. She pulls up Mercedes. Rich girl, didn't know she was rich. Loaded. Father's money. Pulls up in front of the house disgusted of where I lived. You can see, you could feel it, right? Right. Like you live here, you know what I mean? I don't know what she thought I was, but whatever.

And I got in the car and she was fucking bitching. Not the girl I met the other day. You have to come all the way up here. Oh my God, it must have been interesting. Whatever the fuck she just went through to get to me. Right, something happened. Something happened, bitching, moaning, and kind of like look look treating me like fucking shit

mm-hmm I retired on this bitch I was out I was gonna marry her I was gonna come in her you know me yeah the first chance I got right I was busted in this I'm having a baby with you this is it I'm making the prettiest baby in my life that baby's going the back of that Mercedes. We went, I think we went two lights up one took a left at another light. I just got out left. I was just like, I just got out and left didn't say goodbye. We're back to my house. I can hear a screaming in the car. What the fuck are you doing? Where are you going? What's wrong? What happened? Right? And

you can hear a tone. So what did I do? Would I do something? Totally go from fucking what the fuck to fuck you, to fucking what happened to I? And I just walked. Because I was like, this is a fucking, this bitch is on another, she's not my thing. Right. You know what I mean?

And it went. I've gotten out of a car before. You have? Yeah. Why? Yeah, I didn't like the tone of the conversation. I said, you know what, here's 20 bucks, take the car home. Oh, you. I'm okay. Oh, you had a like, but I didn't get like, excitable. Like that's to me is not even like a bad date.

Like you went two blocks. Like, yeah, but it was it went from my hopes was so high. I mean, I really did. I, I thought you were you were in there. I was in there really did. I found- You were into her. I was into her, dude. I was like, this is it. See, that's, I think, what makes a bad date is like you're so into it that like, your expectation didn't meet the reality. Well, it was two different worlds. I was like, we were both on this page.

She had a sudden- Uptown girl. Oh, and then she showed up just a fucking guinea from Staten Island just angry angry. She was Sandra D. You know, I went on a date a few like a month or so ago. I was on the road and my girl I get a DM and I'm like, she's like, let's go out. And I was like, OK, I look at a drink. So we go get a drink and we're on it. And this is my version of a bad day

because we're on it, I had drinks earlier that day and now we're having a drink and I'm like, and there's a point where I'm like, what are you looking for? Like I'm out of town. Like, what are you looking for? Are you dating? And she's like, well, I actually went on the best day

of my life Tuesday night. What? And I go, what? What are you doing here? And I was like visibly upset because I'm like, I wouldn't have been here. Like this is why, I'm not gonna, like why. She wanted to tell somebody.

And I'm like, what was so great about the date? And she goes, he's the funniest guy. I've never laughed so much on a date. I'm like, are you trying to insult me? Like what's going on right now? Like. Who was it, Goughry? Everybody.

I was like, what's going, like why would you, I was like, what's going like why would you? I was like, why, I don't understand why you're saying she said the funniest, the funniest. That's the worst. It's not like she thought I was an accountant. So then I go, I go. So what's the deal? And she goes, well, he was dating some.

We were fixed up years ago and then he dated someone else, and he didn't wanna date. Was it a callback date? So he broke up with that person, called his friends, was like, is she still free? And then we went on the date, and it was the best day I ever went on, we have a date planned for next week.

And I go, I don't understand why you're here with me. And I said, you should go out with him. Like this sounds great. Like I also, while being a little upset, like I definitely was like showing like, I've wasted my night. I just had three drinks with you. I don't know what I'm doing out here.

She was three drinks in before she told you this. We were a few drinks in, yeah. Wow. This is as we're leaving. Oh my God. And I go, and it's funny because like in my mind, I'm doing the right thing. Now I'm like the side character in the movie. This is a scene in the romcom where her and the guy are going to end up together. Yeah. I'm the

loser who pushed her to go back to the guy, like they'll get married, which I do believe this is one of those scenarios that you do get married from. If the friend, you have friends in common, she even said he's like, he didn't want to date because our friends in common, I can understand that. If I got fixed up by a friend, I'd be like, I'm gonna take this a little more seriously.

I'm maybe not gonna enter into this if I don't think it's gonna work out. So then he comes back to her, they have a great date, she's looking at me, she's like, this guy's not even funny, I was on a date with a non-comedian, I should be with him. So I think it was her way of telling me like, this is over?

But I was like, this is horrific for me. Like I have to deal with- Did you pay? Of course I paid, I'm not a fucking loser. Yeah, I know. So I went and paid and I go, I go, listen, you should go out with them. Like I-

You pulled it together and said- I did, I said to her, I walked her outside, I offered to get her an Uber home. She says, I don't want, it was like annoying. She goes, oh, I don't want you following me home. I don't want you having my address. I'm like, the flirting's done. Like go to your guy.

What a fucking bitch. It really, I would never say you having my address. I'm like, the flirting's done. Like go to your guy. What a fucking bitch. It really, I would never say that, but I was really like annoyed. I'll say it, I'll say it because you're corporate fucking Jared. Because you're worried about the Belch. I'm not worried about it. No, I just-

I'll say it, look at me, you're a bitch. It was, it was- What a bitchy move. I thought it wasn't in good taste. Dude, fuck you. What are you, an aristocrat? Are you from Boston? What happened to you? What the fuck happened to you? I would fuck happened to you? You passed the question to me at the beginning. Now you're like, it was an ingood taste.

It wasn't a good taste. I would have acted differently. What are you, fuck? Who are you? Have you always been this way? Always. Maybe I didn't know you. I apologize. Maybe I should be more like you. Well, I was never, I would, I like, you know, it makes me feel badly that, you know, to hear that someone felt bad hearing about themselves on a date.

I don't think I said the wrong thing. I would hope I did my past self, but that doesn't make me feel good to hear that someone feels bad. No, no, no, no, this, this bitch. This person. This bitch, fuck her dude. this, this bitch. This person. This bitch, fuck her dude. She took- It wasn't cool.

He got Barry. It's not cool, it's fucking deceitful and fucked up that she went out, got free drinks, and she knew she was meeting somebody else, and then had the fucking audacity- It doesn't bother me, I'm doing pretty well. I don't give a fuck. Has none of it doing how you're doing,

and you're not doing that well, okay? You're doing okay right he's doing great okay yeah he is yeah you're not doing well you're doing good you're a thousand air not a millionaire so chill out okay you spend one dollar you're a thousand air again listen to me I seen your apartment it's nice but it's not the fucking ritz listen area it's a good area if my apartment tour is online actually you can watch the what I'm saying He was this dude fuck all that shit right what she did was outrageous and to put a cherry on top at the end to go And I don't want you following me home and know where I live That's like dude you tapped out you gave her fucking beauty like really human advice go go meet the guy I'm gonna take care of all this, go meet your guy,

have fun, I'll see you later. And then she went, I don't want you following me home. You're like, I'm gonna pay for you. What the fuck, it's not a good person. Yeah, I think about that scenario a lot. Like why do people go on dates? Like I just was thinking about it in a way of like, because I go on dates with people

after I've gone on a great date with someone else. Like I'm not above that. You're not gonna tell them? But I would never tell them. That's so fucking uncool. Right, and it was a weird thing of like, and I do think there's a, you know, women wanna be fought for.

I say this, when you do say something or do something, it's for something. What was that for? What did she gain by doing that? I think to be fought for I think it was to make me squirm a little bit Which is it was just shitty because I did squirm a little bit. I did feel I was like I was a little you could visibly annoy Okay, great. So that's so I'm gonna cut back to this because you're another you're a fucking bullshitter I said the worst date you had you just had it well I never have a bad day I'm Jared freed I'm a millionaire and everything's great and thousand there I and I fucking

I'm doing pretty goddamn good I never fuck you this is a bad date yeah this is a fucking terrible date the thing was up to that point it was like fine. But it was listen it I asked you if you what was your worst date you said I don't have bad dates this is it Jared. It was very recent I can't think of one beyond that one. I meant before today. Right no I didn't answer me you gave me some fucking jibby-jew fucking fucking bullshit. Okay? You had one. Okay. You had one. Sure. And you didn't fucking reveal it. This is worse than my date. This chick, not only was she trying to make you squirm, I mean, very mean thing to do to somebody.

You paid for all this shit. She got all this free shit out of it. I know you're doing well, I got it. But the fact is, I'll tell you why it's not good. There are some guys that aren't doing well, bro. There's some guys that don't do as well as you, Jared, that aren't off, and that fucking three drinks mean something, and they're trying to fucking meet somebody to fucking have fall in love with or spend time with, and then that person pulls that type of shit.

And it's like, fuck that. Yeah, I guess, you know, because I'm on the road and I do kind of understand like the idea of like, I don't know, like I, and I did ask the question. I'm like, what are you doing here? Like I am wondering, why would you go out with someone who you know doesn't live in town? And you know, that's when the kind of we got to talking

about like dating history and you know, the guy that she had gone out with. But when you said, what are you doing here? What was her excuse for doing this? I had a couple drinks at the time. I'm trying to think. It was like, I don't know. She goes, she said her friend said that I like curvy nurses and I was like the friend ain't wrong

Yeah, she was cute. Okay, so you would like her That's you know, I I guess yeah that I would that this is my type so to speak and like I Don't know I didn't take it I was annoyed but I was you know I walked away from it like what was that I was more like I do have this like you understand what you're saying like it's not a good thing to do it's it's you didn't have all you had to do is not say anything have the date and say good night right and and you're good with that and you would have walked away and hey you want to go no and not a girl you want to move the fuck on right? I don't know like I think I think of my dating life and I

I air towards nice like on a date like I you know and I air towards Tell someone text someone. Hey, I had a great time tonight even if I'm not going to go out again and You know, I'm not sure what the right answer is. Listen, you're more corporate than me. How did I become this corporate guy? You're corporate. There's no corporate. I've never been you've been more corporations than me. I want you're very corporate. Okay, your answers are corporate. I say do you have a worst I don't I have the good things with people. She was alright. I

understand where she's coming. You had a twat fuck with you a week ago and it's fucking, and I'm mad at her for you. I'll get mad at her for you. You can be mad. I, I, you can't be. You got too many women. I do. You don't have, I have a guy audience.

I can get mad at a woman on this show. Do you understand that? I have options though, I'm not like. None of your girls are watching. They'll watch this show for five minutes. Hear my voice and tap on. They're out. We're good.

This is mostly man audience. But I'm not afraid to say that I have, I can go on a date. Going on a date is not a problem for me, which can sound like bragging, but it's just the reality. It's like, if I wanna go for drinks or something, I'll have a nice time.

You're a great looking dude. We know you're loaded. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha. Who says that? I'm doing well. Who says that? Ha ha ha ha.

Who says that? Who doesn't take that as a joke? I'm playing with the joke. I'm gonna keep doing it. I would have to go on this. I have a bone to pick with you. All right, listen. I mean, I'm just fucking with you.

I'm sorry. Anyways, I got a thing go on. I have a bone to pick with you. I listen, I mean, I'm just fucking worried. I'm sorry. Um, anyways, I got a thing for you. Danny, can you explain this? Can you help me with that? We maybe do this because you are I've and I said this, I'll say it again. I saw you show on the movie theater and I was like, this is he's so awesome at this. The girl he just you this is room full of women, girls, and good looking girls. Cuties. Cuties. Yeah. Even the not cuties were cute. Everyone's beautiful.

Corporate. Yeah, there you are. No, but no, they are a lot. And so I found so good. But I need you to help me with this. Yeah, what's up? I found someone on Reddit that has an interesting dating situation that let me start this. Yeah, what's up? I found someone on Reddit that has an interesting dating situation that I don't think. Let me start this with all Reddit dating questions. All Reddit things live in nerd porn to me. Yeah.

I think that it's always the losers are the biggest losers, the bullies are the biggest bullies, and they're all presented as real. So I live in that world. So you think it could be fair? Can I just say something? I was gonna say something. I heard what you just said,

and I nodded my head at it, but I don't know what the fuck you just meant. So what I meant. The nerd, what? The nerds, like on Reddit, they'll tell a story, they'll be like, hey, am I the asshole that I took my wife out on Valentine's Day,

and I decided to propose to her, or no, I took my wife out on Valentine's Day and then she decided to get a divorce from me and then told everyone in the restaurant I have a small penis. Like the stories are so outlandish to me. They're always- Just crazy.

They're always a nerd living and being the victim. All right, well, I have three nerds in here that wanna play this game with me. Let's play the victim. Well, I have three nerds in here. Okay. They wanna play this game with you. Let's play the game. So, it's an interesting situation. The person goes, essentially 81% of my exes are furries. I am not a furry.

I have never had an interest in being one, never wanted to date one. Despite all this, all my exes who said they were furries, said they were furries after we broke up. I was not actively aware they were furries while we were dating. I feel like there has to be some sort of issue if I've been dating only furries. I don't understand how I keep doing this. I'm generally confused as to how I keep dating furries.

It's not intentional nor a king thing. You see what I'm talking about? Yeah, I mean, he doesn't just date one furry. Every woman he's ever dated is a furry. They didn't tell me until afterwards I had no idea. Like it always lives in the extremes. Every Reddit thing. It's so funny that you said what you said at the beginning, I'm like, I don't know, you said it? I understand it, but I don't understand it. And now I 100% understand it.

He literally, I like nailed it, right? This is every Reddit. This is like, that's how they do well. It's like, I was pantsed in the middle of the mall and then everyone pointed at my penis and said how small it was was I an asshole like no I think I think this didn't happen but okay I don't have out of my 11 x's nine of them are furries and all of them came out as furries after we broke up am I

turning people into furries I generally don't understand how I keep managing to find furries and keep dating them. I'm either a furry magnet or a wizard who's turning people into them. I need advice because of what's going on. I swear on my life I don't have a thing for furries. I don't want to get hanky-panky with a furry, nor would I want to date one. Am I some sort of common denominator? I think he's got to swim with the current.

He's got to... Listen, I think he's got to swim with the current. He's got to. Listen, I think what's, I don't understand this guy's, or this person's issue with furries. They've never tried to get him into the furry world. Everyone he's dated has said it after the facts. It's never been his problem. So why does he have a problem with it? He's actually like these people. So maybe those are your types.

Furries. Maybe you're into the type of person that would be in a furry. Maybe you have interests that would turn other people off. Maybe you should reveal your interests. Vulnerability produces vulnerability. Maybe you'll find out that they're a furry if you tell them what you're into because you seem to like a certain type of person. And the certain type of person that he likes, like...

Nerd. And in the certain type of person he likes, like, nerd. Like, I don't think this guy who loves the chiefs is with 9 out of 11 furries. I think he probably likes anime or video games, and he has an interest that's a little bit of skew as well. To end up with 9 out of 11 women who are furries. I think you are on a chat room that might be mystical. He's in that mall that has that store that you can play games in as an adult. The barcade. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's hanging out. Yeah, I think he likes magic, the gathering. And he's like, what is with these furries? It's like, what, one standard deviation away from you? You know, like I don't think he's like what is with these furries it's like what one standard deviation away from you you know like I don't think he's just not a guy he has he has real Dracula teeth right then he got to the dentist and they actually retract yeah he's like knows all of Narnia and how to get around well there you there you go. You got damn good at this, brother.

I know what I'm doing. You know what you're fucking doing. I can even answer the fake nerd question. Well, he answer the fake nerd question. You tell us what the fuck it's gonna be before he brings it up. And it's exactly this far. It is.

Exactly what I said. God damn it. So your end game on this is try to get a morning television show, but then you're traveling the country doing your podcast live? Are you doing stand up? You're doing stand up, but you're doing the show too, right?

Like the belches or what? The ick? The batches? No. We do a lot. The ick was from the special where I went around the country, had a bit about the ick. And about that my friend said that one thing from a guy made her not want to fuck and I was like, that's the least relatable thing I've ever heard. That's the ick. And that that my friend said that one thing from a guy made her not want to fuck and I was like,

that's the least relatable thing I've ever heard. That's the ick. And that's the ick. And I go, does anyone have an ick? And I would go around the country working on the bit. It was in the middle of the show and I go, and it was like a fun thing to do during a stand-up set. So I go, does anyone have an ick?

And then women would like, sometimes they'd be good. They'd be the more specific, the better. Right. The more real, the better. You know, the more not reddit the better. And you'd have women over the course of a year, I just started collecting them so it became the bit. But then I was like, this is fun to do. So I did a show at the seller where it was like,

if there's a microphone, come on up, tell us the thing that gave you the heck, that one thing that pushed you from I don't know about this guy, too. I will never fuck this guy, but can you give us an example? one woman said He was merging into traffic and no one would let him in And I think that's fucking hilarious like that is because they could tell they're just like I In just the world that this guy is just a beta male.

He's not assertive. I want an assertive guy. You know, maybe a guy who went crazy because no one would let him in, that would turn her the other way too. Right, he's the guy who got in. Yeah, he's just one guy who knows how to fucking deal with traffic.

Get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they do, it is funny that like, listen, some things don't change or they take a long time to change. Whatever it is, it's like a lot of them do get based in like, I want my guy to be a guy. Yep. And it's a moment where he wasn't really acting guy like to me. And I think that only happens. And you see like the the miserable dudes that get in the comments of some of the videos,

they're usually like guys who aren't getting women, you know, and they're like, I think guys who are okay with themselves and confident, they go, yeah, one woman's ick is another woman's husband. Yeah. You know, like, I'm definitely Don's ick. And her husband. Right. She wakes up in the morning goes, just immediate, immediate every day, ground hugs day, a new

ick every day. I don't know, it became a thing, so I was like, why don't we do a whole show where people yell at their ex, but like, I'm over it now. It was in the special. It was fun. You're done with it? Yeah, I haven't done in a while.

I really fucking like that, man. It was fun. I would do it again. I would do it at the cellar, but like, it's, you know, I wanted to move on to new material. I wanted to do new stuff. So I was like, you know, so for me, I was like, like, I'm, uh, do they expect a certain thing out of you? No, I've had one guy yell out, what are the x? Like, do the x. And I'm like, yeah, but I'm doing a show right now that's like a story,

one hour story about my parents going to the beach with them. Really? And I really love doing it. And like I haven't had anyone really, it's really been. The whole thing is an hour story about going to the beach with your parents. Yeah. And I don't, he explained this to me. I went to the beach with my parents.

And the story happened five years ago. And it was a three minute story. And I would try and tell it on stage. And I never, you know, before the special came out, like, you know, you have your crutches, your jokes at work. And I would try it on stage and I never you know before the special came out like You know you have your crutches your jokes that work and I would try it on stage and people get like weird out by it And I could feel that it what but I was like I really thought it was interesting the story And then the special came out and I was like the next day I was like I got nothing let me do this story that I've been trying to tell.

And it went from like three minutes to 10 minutes. And then like I started like talking about my mom and dad and like our relationship. And at the end of the special, there's a, I put hidden cameras in the green room because I wanted to get my parents yelling at me. So because I wanted to open with going, I'm 37 and single, that was the opening line.

And before that, I wanted to get my parents just like being them and being like, yelling at me. And when I went to, we put hidden cameras in the green room, they had no idea. And my mom walks into the green room, her opening line is like friend, rush or she goes, it's a dungeon in here. And it's like, we have that on camera.

She has no idea. And we have like them arguing about whether it's Christmas time or not, it's December 10th. My dad's like, are the Rock Kats here? Like he's yelling at me. And I'm like, yes, the Rock Kats are here. It's Christmas time. Like they're talking about Kats's and my dad's like, I asked her to get a diet, Dr. Pepper, or a diet, a diet cream soda, Dr. Brown's. She doesn't know what I like. And they're yelling about this and you just see this So it was gonna be the beginning and then go smash cut to I'm 37 and single but that wasn't work No one knew who I was it wasn't like it just it was like what is this?

This is a stand-up specialist as you and your parents So we put at the end and it was in the end credits of the whole thing Yeah, and the end of the special is me talking about my mom and Jewish women and my parents and telling stories. And then we put that up and I got so many people that were like, you and your parents, that's so funny, that's so great. And it like, it stuck with me.

It was like the Marvel end credits scene. You know, the preview is the next one. So then when I would go on the road, I was like, I'm gonna tell a story about I go on vacation with my parents. And I start every set like talking about being at the beach with my parents and just like my dad and I, my mom and I. And then, you know, it's now over the course of time, it's now an hour,

five, hour, 10 minute thing. Right. And it all connects and it's fun. And it's been like a great, you Like, and I think within five minutes, I think, you know, to be able to do new material, you have to put away the old. Yeah. You have to get over it.

It's tough, man. It's tough. So it's really like, you know, especially coming out, I felt more confident. I was more okay with what I was doing. So you going on the road with just this new thing? Yeah. You would not do old material at all.

I stopped the minute the special came out. How would you how would you go on the thing? What do you mean on the road? And you didn't have a new hour. You had that one fucking 10 minute joke. Well, no, because what happened was December 10th, I taped it, I made it myself, I paid for it. This one, this big joke, this one joke. No, no, no, this is the special that came out December 10. Yeah, 22. Yeah, we tried to sell it. No one was buying it. This one, this big joke, this one joke. No, no, no, this is the special that came out. December 10th, 2022. We tried to sell it, no one was buying it.

And while that was happening, I was going to work on material. And I had, in the middle of the set, I'd do the- Where would you work on the material? Here. So you just come here, work on it. Work on my new stuff. And then I went to Europe.

And there they let you tell a story. Really? And it went from like 20 minutes to like- Who'd you go to Europe with myself? You just booked the gigs. Yeah Where'd you go? Dublin Belfast London and they let you tell a story. I thought there's not even an opener in London I thought in England in Ireland they spit at you if you're not good

There was no spitting No Dublin, it's all the same fans that were here, as the women. They were pumped to come see, and so while I was there, I'm at one, the beginning and the end, I'm doing the X, I'm doing, and I'm doing that bit,

but also this story in the middle, people were like, that fuck, I had people coming up to me really into it. And so, okay, I'll do this story about my dad and this thing about my mom and this works in and this opinion on being at the beach. And then by the end, by August 15th, the special came out on Netflix and that got bought

like out of nowhere. And then I was like, that week I'm in Raleigh. I'm like, I got the whole thing, it's ready to go. And the new one. The new one. So I was like ready to go with this like new hour. And there was like a couple of jokes that I had done before that I like put in there to be part of the story.

But now it's like, it's pretty cool. Where are you gonna tape this one? I don't know yet. I hope somewhere soon. What's it gonna be called? It's either called Vacation with My parents or 39 on the family plan. For a second one. Cause it's like connected to the first one.

Yeah. But 39 on the family plan, I talk about like just the relationship between my parents and I like is pretty normal, you know, like, and I think that's like, you know, I think a lot of people, I like it, dude. Thank you know, like and I think that's like, you know, I Think a lot of people I like it dude. Thank you. I like it. No the Netflix thing. How'd that do? It was fun Yeah, great. Yeah, cool. I mean like I was happy it was exciting. It was definitely like, you know You know it helps you as a stand-up, you know, like to have something my that you're included in the club That's good, man. What'd you do with Robbie?

They, yeah, they said yes. There's Ben Lynn. They were like, What's his name? Ben Lynn. Ben Lynn. Good guy. He was really like on board really nice to me.

That's good, man. Yeah, it was good. And it did well on Netflix? It did okay. I think it did okay. Yeah. They don't tell you, right? They just tell you it's they you know

You get you get like some updates, but it was top ten in the US and Canada for like fucking week You know you get it back at some point two years So they leased it for two years and then you can put it on YouTube. I mean that's yeah, that's what happens I great. Yeah, dude punch up live man. What is that punch up all the comics that are invested in well, it's not invested it's it's you just get the emails. Oh that's the thing. Instead you put it up on YouTube you get nothing except books. You put it over there and send all your people there you get the emails and then when you're going back and you just say hey I'm coming to Boston I'm coming. Boom. It goes right to them. You know what I mean? And it's your fans as opposed to some algorithm that allowed or didn't allow people to come

see you. Right. So it goes straight to them. Yeah, put it up on both. Right. You put it up on both. You can get all those fucks who don't know and then send your fan fans over here. And then you have this email list that is power.

I know. There's just so much to do. Like it's unbelievable. People, you know, comics get this reputation of being like lazy and whatever it's like we're all just fucking we were lazy in the fucking 80s and 90s yeah not anymore no it's over there's too much we have to do all right we got to wrap this up dude I'm really interested in that dude an hour special about one thing. It's going to the beach my parents I think it's great. Thank you. It happened. Why I love that what one of the beach with my parents

That's so much better. Okay, go to the beach we're going to the beach with my parents. It's more interesting Yeah, because now it explains everything but the tour is called the family business tour It's fine, too. That's that parents are awesome too. Yeah, they're fun. I love your parents. Everything good at home. Everything's great. All right, of course, you're doing very well. You're doing very well, dude. Jared, you get the Jared train G train pot J train. I'm fucking done. J train podcast, which is fucking awesome. And you got Jared Fried, 37 and

single right now. It's on Netflix. It's there. Just I mean, you got to respect you man. You came in. You never had a doubt about yourself. You went and did your own thing. You found your own path that nobody went down. And you fucking killing it in comedy. And you're a you're a solid guy and it's gonna I hope you get somebody because it's gonna be sad if you gave all these people advice and you wind up alone alone forever fat and bald it could be bad I better keep my hair I you better you better get wigs or something let me

say now you're good look at that fuck, you just took, I hate you. You're a go. Tonight is bugging me. He just took his hat off and went like this. I think I'm all. And his hand couldn't even go through it. Couldn't even get. Damn, you got good hair. No, that's a family thing, I'm lucky.

Yeah. Everyone's got, you should see my pubes. You got bad pubes? You have to trim them up? What do you use? Manscaped. Manscaped. Don't I have a podcast?

You're a corporate fucking son of a bitch, dude. Got my meundies on my manscaped on my... You got your true classics? No. Oh yeah, yeah. They were in for a minute, too. True classics, the best. They're great. The best t-shirt out there. That's the thing. How are they the only ones that get it?

I don't know. That's what I don't understand. But then they changed their sizes a little bit. It's a little long, because I was a large XL, and then I was an XL, and then I was like, this is long. I don't know, I gotta figure it out.

I don't know, I mean, to me, I put the shirt, I'm just like, oh my God. I know, it is great. Tied up top, loose down the bottom. I don't know why no one else is doing that. I don't understand. Don't know, it is great. Tied up top, loose down the bottom. I don't know why no one else is doing that. I don't understand. Don't understand, it's stupid. And I wouldn't, you ever been to cuts?

I've never told you this story. Have you got the jeans yet? True classic. Dude, I'm wearing them. Are they too stretchy? I don't know if I like a stretchy one. No, they're not, they're tight, but stretchy a little bit.

They're so, I wear them, I can wear them to bed, dude. I'm wearing Lee. I haven't worn Lee in forever. These are great. And I'm happy. Hold on. I'm true class again. I'm underwear too.

Really, it's good. The underwear is the best underwear I've ever worn. Okay, I'll check it out. I, you gotta go to, so I got, I cuts sent me a message and it was like, we want to send you shirts. And I was like, I was like, I cut, sent me a message and it was like, we want to send you shirts. And I was like, I was like, I don't know if you got my size. I'm like kind of broad up top.

They sent me ex-ells and I got them and they were like, did not fit. Like I was like, this is bullshit. Yeah, yeah. And they wrote me like, and I like hated them. I, and I kept them for like a year, annoyed. I was like, they should fit their Excel. And then like a year goes by, they're like, Hey, we want to

like send you some more stuff. And I was like, Listen, I don't think we're a match. I was like, I appreciate it. But like, they're like, Oh, we'll look it up. We'll send you a bigger size. They sent me like to Excel. I don't know who fits in these shirts. Like it's just like, and they were like down to my knees. And I'm like, I was getting so angry. I did this whole rant. Yeah, I'm like, fuck these cut shirts. I just like, and they were like down to my knees, and I'm like, I was getting so angry, and I did this whole rant. I'm like, fuck these cut shirts. I'm like, we're just not a match.

It's okay, you're for a different type of human than me. And I'm like, and I go, I fit in this shirt. And I like felt the shirt, and I was like, what shirt am I wearing? Chubbys. Chubbys. And I was like, I'm a Chubbys guy. Not a Cots guy. I was like, what a fucking,

I was like, I pranked myself. I was like, sitting here in Chubbys shirt. The true classic, baby. I like true classic. I'm into them, they know what they're doing. All right, so check it out. Make sure you check him out, guys. What do you got?

Max Marcus comedy, all social media. Follow me on Instagram at Danny breath and come see me March 23rd at the dojo comedy in Morris Plains, New Jersey and for all things Joe Russell You could check out the cheese show on YouTube just type it cheese show Make sure you go to comic wearables calm Molarian curly, I mean They're the best but they're fucking terrible. Use cold-wear ladybugs.

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